You are Shax Bonemurder, Raid Leader! Well, technically. Though you are currently taking a short break from that, and are instead serving as a Dragon's Champion on a quest to retrieve a powerful artifact! You agreed to go to the Gravelands of Yselathe, a continent that sounds just awful and is filled with nations that also sound just awful. But, you don't have to go right away! You have two days to prepare here in base camp.>CURRENT RAID ROSTER: You don't have a raid group right now!>CURRENT ADVENTURE PARTY: http://pastebin.com/tZ3saVGK>ABILITY TREE: http://pastebin.com/aBfqv1vP>I'm the Boss! Points: 1>CHARACTER point: 1You Have:>2/40 BtB exp>2/40 MSiF exp>19/32 CyRCTHaM exp>5/8 FMMM exp, 1/1 Tidal Points.It's been a long time since you've been at base! You may not remember all the sights and sounds, but there are tons of people and things to do here. You aren't used to being well regarded and semi-famous, either. You'd like to just skulk off to the edge of the camp again, but your friends would probably be bored with all that.What do you wanna do?>Camp is boring. Adventure! (Timeskip to the quest start)>Let's go hang out with Brokagh and his rowdy orc friends.>Let's freak Allonces out by making her go to the dark elf fighting pits!>Sitri is starting to gather some groupies. Help her get away from them?>Bearbreath and Fetidclaw are not happy being stuck in a cave. Maybe try to cheer them up?>Visit the goblin caves.
>>31279473>>Visit the goblin caves.Sometimes you need to take a fresh look at where you came from.Wear a disguise, though.
>>31279473>Bearbreath and Fetidclaw are not happy being stuck in a cave. Maybe try to cheer them up?
>>31279473>Let's freak Allonces out by making her go to the dark elf fighting pits!
>>31279473>Visit the goblin caves.There are too few goblins in this quest.
>>31279473>>Let's freak Allonces out by making her go to the dark elf fighting pits!Always.
>>31279473>>Visit the goblin caves.
>>31279473>Sitri is starting to gather some groupies. Help her get away from them?Shax is always helpful.
>>31279473>Visit the goblin caves.
>>31279473Oh hi!>Cheer up Bearbreath and Feticlaw
>>31279620You're so cool I love youLooks like goblin caves are the winner!Spoilers: If you had picked Help Sitri you would have gone on a date with her pretending to be her girlfriend.But the deal has been struck and the past cannot be unwritten. You must live with the consequences forever.Anyway, writing.
>>31279620That fucking cat.
>>31279670>Spoilers: If you had picked Help Sitri you would have gone on a date with her pretending to be her girlfriend.>But the deal has been struck and the past cannot be unwritten. You must live with the consequences forever.Awww...
>>31279670At least we get to see how the goblins are doing!
>>31279670That sounds fun. Damn.Still though. Goblins are pretty good. Going home after so long.
>>31279670<3 If you got a request, feel free to ask. By the way, I'm only going to be there during the weekends for the next two or three weeks.
>>31279776Drag Sitri along to the goblin caves, then.
>>31279704>>31279724>>31279776I suppose it's been that way the whole time. For each awesome thing that does happen in this quest, there are SEVERAL other awesome things that don't and which we miss out on.
>>31279823Oh, there's a nice compromise. Get her away from groupies by dragging her along to the goblin caves.
>>31279846Apparently if we had gone into the camp at the start we would have ran into an ork cleric instead of squid face.
>>31279888I'm glad we ran into squid face
>>31279966I dunno, I'm kinda interested in finding out how an orc cleric woulda made us able to wield giant sword!
It's been a long time since you've been home, so you figure you'll hit up the old Fouldrinker Caverns! The stench that wrinkles your nose as you approach is as nostalgic as it is bitter and disgusting. You see a lot of younger goblins. A lot. Looks like the war effort preperations are well underway. It is a good thing you didn't have anything on you, because your pockets would have been thoroughly picked by the time you arrived in the Bonemurder Clan's section of the caves."Hey guys, I'm home!" You shout, though you're pretty sure no one heard you over the sounds of a hundred young goblins wrestling each other over scraps of food. They give you a wide berth as your huge sword intimidates them. You whip it out and wave it around as a joke to scare some of the more brave goblins. You've never been the person everyone was scared of at home, so you get into the moment and start roaring out increasingly improbable threats and stalking around like a monster until most of the children scramble into hiding."The hell you doin', Shax?" An old goblin woman calls out. Oh, it's Auntie! You aren't really that closely related, you think, maybe. A goblin family tree is more like a goblin family hedge maze. Auntie is really mean which means everyone respects her.You laugh like a kid who got caught pulling a prank, because that is essentially what you are, "I didn't think you'd remember my name, Auntie.""Yeah, well, some dark elf lady was in here not long ago trying to get recruits and was spouting off what all you have been doing. Not many goblins around here with a giant sword like that. Mostly just the one, in fact." Auntie grumbles, "I forbid any of these kids joining up on that mad suicide mission you're on. You need to have kids before you die.">Whaaaaat why did you stop people from joining?>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblins
>>31279966Me too.>>31279981Probably the exact same way.
>>31279982>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsI cannot resist this.
>>31279982>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.
>>31279982>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblins
>>31279982>>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.Priorities. Meaning food.
>>31279982>>Whaaaaat why did you stop people from joining?
>>31279982>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.But:>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsI'm curious.
>>31279982>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsI"m curious
>>31279982>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsClever Shax for the hell of it.
>>31279982>>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.>>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblins
>>31279982>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsGenuinely curious.
Ya'll a bunch of perverts.>>31279981He'd actually make you swear a pact to a god in the orc pantheon.I forget most of the splits, but I can always comb the archives to try to find some of the more fun ones.Writing.
>>31280124Wow. who would have expected squid face to give the power up while asking for the least in return.
>>31279982>>I don't need no kids, Auntie, now give me food.
>>31280124Perverts? I don't think anyone here, Shax included, knows how goblin babies are made.
>>31279982>>Begin discourse on the breeding capabilities and habits of goblinsI am genuinely curious on the matter of Shax's understanding of how this works versus biological fact.
>>31280218It's probably spores or something. I think.
>>31280274I thought that was orcs?See, confusion like this is why it's necessary to investigate the issue.
>>31280292It's probably going to be super gross either way.
>>31280185Squid Face is the best illithid ever. Admittedly, there really isn't much competition since most illithids are horrible and mean, but still!
>>31280345Don't speak too soon. The fact that a Illithid is hanging around an otherwise unremarkable goblin is cause for alarm.
>>31280274I dunno. I always imagine that goblins operate a unique rape-based economy.I imagine it'd work out if theres a nigh 100% chance of goblin insemination resulting in goblin birth.Then the resulting babies are thrown into the Birthing Warrens, and any child who makes it back to the tribe is given the tribe name.
>>31280369Soon to be Illithid lich.
>>31280218>>31280230I'm not sure how much she knows about sex itself, but considering she's constantly getting jealous over any girl with any sex appeal she at least has some kind of desire to be a femme fatale or something.Or at least that's how I see it.
>>31280409I agree, she will one day become a very dangerous woman, but right now she doesn't know what those instincts and desires mean.
>>31280369>otherwise unremarkableNo such thing as an unremarkable goblin. Only the exceptional ones make it out of the birthing pits.You know, the exceptionally stupid, exceptionally lucky, exceptionally smart, exceptionally cowardly...
>>31280409Or you know is a girl and is therefore naturally jealous of better looking women.
"What kinda guy would you even try to hook me up with, Auntie? Also, more importantly, where is the food?" She is a notoriously good cook, and you muscle your way into her ramshackle hut where maybe a dozen other younger goblins are eating slop of various consistencies. You remember it not tasting too good, but for some reason your mouth is watering. Nothing like being home."I dunno, does it really matter what the guy is like? We need more folks like you, Shax. Someone who can get the Bonemurder name on top. Fouldrinker and his kin are runnin' the caves to the ground. Can you believe we're kowtowing to dark elves? All caught up in their schemes." Auntie spits, "Now they're gonna get a foothold on a true dark empire all 'cause of a goblin! It disgusts me. All that land up there belongs to us goblins." Auntie seems a little racist, but you forgive her because this gooey slop is pretty great. "Anyway, you sure you don't want to get some kids so I can raise some feisty warriors?" She might have the wrong impression of you.You slurp down some slop, before responding, "Pretty sure! Besides, I wouldn't know where to start." It's true. You've never had any of this explained before.Auntie sighs and leans back, "Well, you see, when a man goblin thinks a woman goblin looks passingly cute..." What follows is a series of disgusting and enlightening series of descriptions and actions that you all baiscally knew about already, but didn't know there were specific terms or anything. They're mammals, after all. Goblins are apparently quick to term and have a bunch of kids at once. Half-breeds are apparently a thing, which is something to keep in mind, you guess. The whole conversation makes you feel uncomfortable and less hungry."Yeah, I think I'll pass on that, Auntie.""A shame. A woman has needs, Shax, and you won't be able to ignore them forever.">Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins.>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?
>>31280606>Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins.I won't take the OP name bait!
>>31280402Alhoons get the short end of the stick.People think that just because they're liches AND illithids, they're going to be twice as bad, but that isn't true at all! They're mostly just regular 100% bad.It's discrimination, I tell you.
>>31280606>>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?
>>31280606>>Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins.
>>31280606>Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins.I dunno if we want to start a civil war.
>>31280606>Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins.
>>31280606>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?
>>31280606>>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?subPLOT!
>>31280631Well spoken.>Auntie pls go
>>31280606>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?Destroying all our goblin enemies and becoming Queen of the Goblins seems well within Shax's interests. And best of all, no one who is not a goblin would care, except possibly our friends who would find it funny.
>>31280606>So what is all this about taking out the Fouldrinker clan?If they're fucking with our home we might want to smack them around with our giant sword until they behave.
>>31280606>Half-breeds are apparently a thingSo the theory that Shax is half goblin is validThe other half is probably goblin.
>>31280685My guess is either dark elf or regular elf
>>31280685Quite possibly explains why shes not had a more graphic biology lesson yet, if shes not pure goblin. Too symmetrical to be cute by goblin standards.Though "pure goblin" is a misleading term.
Somehow there is a tie.Sudden final destination heaven or hell vote. Next vote takes it and I'll write as soon as I see it.
>>31280685>>31280726I bet if she is half something its half something silly like a tree person or a snake guy.>>31280742NAME DROOPING GOBLINS GO!
>auntie wants us to settle down and have a small family, only 30 children or so.b-but we're not r-ready for that!
>>31280740doesn't really explain much since she grew up in the goblin caves.
>>31280757What if Squid is our father?
>>31280786This explains everything.
>>31280786CRUSH THE SURFACE WORLD, SHAXWITH YOUR MIND
>>31280809It fails entirely to explain what an Illithid was doing fucking goblins.
>>31280786I think if we were half illithid it would be pretty noticeable.
>>31280786I don't even know if illithids have the correct equipment. Was there ever a D&D book which covered that? I don't think so.
>>31280742>>Auntie you are gross, I'm going to go visit some other goblins
>>31280831He is a wizard, he doesn't have to explain shit.
>>31280831To create Shax, duh.
>>31280839Goblinoids and Dragons have one thing in common.They can fuck ANYTHING.
>>31280831Well you know, maybe he was desperate.Or drunk, one of the two.
>>31280869I don't think even a goblin can find a way to fuck a creature with no discernible gender, let alone genitalia.
Things are getting weird in here
>>31280861...of course, that explains everything. Because what an Illitilich really needs is a borderline retarded goblin daughter to mind his phylactery.Wait. No, thats fucking stupid.
>>31280948Yeah. Hopefully Shax's father was just an elf whose charisma was just a bit too high.
>>31280930ANYTHING.>>31280948You guys all wanted to learn about goblin sex what did you expect.
>>31280928The obvious answer is he was raped.Perfectly legitimate goblin mating strategy.
>>31280959Maybe he just did it to see what would happen.
You wipe your mouth as you finish a bowl of delcious warm stuff you're better off not knowing and notice Auntie is still looking at you. You don't really have anything to say so you search for a topic to break the awkward atmospher. "So, uh, what was that about the Fouldrinker tribe, again? You said something about him being lame and us being cool, or something?" You forget the exact words.Auntie leans forward, a mischevious grin forming across her leathery green face, "I said that he has got to go. His bargain with the dark elves have been profitable for his clan while the rest of us wither away. Fouldrinker's allies become fewer the longer this campaign goes, as the other clans keep contributing the lion's share of troops. The Hungerer has fed on thousands of Bonemurder goblins, but only a few hundred Fouldrinkers. Do you think this is fair?" As far as you know, being the boss means you can make decisions like that. "We're all forced to raid to fill his larders. I won't stand for it any longer. I don't want to watch more of my children and grandchildren suffer under him.""Okay, but what the heck am I supposed to do about it?" You really aren't sure why she's telling you all this. "I'm only here for two more days, so I ain't got much time for anything complicated.""Don't worry, I'm just letting my ambitions be heard by a competent young goblin like yourself. A few more strong women around here would change everything.">Goblin subplot unlocked: 'Maybe you oughta be the chief?'You still got half a day left! What do you wanna do, boss?>Brokagh is apparently starting drunken fights in the Duergar camp. Let's go bail him out!>Fetidclaw has a crush! Help him find a present for his beau.>Freak Allonces out by explaining goblin breeding ha- I mean making her visit the dark elf temples.>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?>Bearbreath is studying weird monster spiders. You don't wanna mess with this.
>>31281011>Fetidclaw has a crush! Help him find a present for his beau.
>>31281011>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?That actually sounds pretty dangerous
>>31281011Aww man all those look really cool. Fuck it>Bearbreath is studying weird monster spiders. You don't wanna mess with this.
>>31281011>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?
>>31281011>>Brokagh is apparently starting drunken fights in the Duergar camp. Let's go bail him out!>>31281011plus we can visit the other dwarves of our raid.
>>31281011>Freak Allonces out by explaining goblin breeding ha- I mean making her visit the dark elf temples. What is it with elves and dark elves? Maybe we could do this before we leave.>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?
>>31281011>>Brokagh is apparently starting drunken fights in the Duergar camp. Let's go bail him out!Aunties traumatising lecture over, Lets go hit some people while Shax digests it and figure out how she feels about stuff.
>>31281011Chief, the fuck. That's too many fun choices.
>>31281011>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?As said last time: helpful Shax!
>>31281011>>Brokagh is apparently starting drunken fights in the Duergar camp. Let's go bail him out!Grind them social links.
>>31281011>>Sitri has managed to ditch her groupies, but she's in the gladiatorial pits! Help her out?No man left behind! No, wait...
You get a message from a camp runner that apparently someone in your party is in the gladiatorial contests. Who the heck would be dumb enough to do that? When you arrive in the fighting pits, you see Sitri take down an orc. Shoving your way through the seats, you get to the edge of the pit. You place your hands around your mouth and shout, "Hey, goat lady! What the heck are you doin'? You trying to get killed?!Sitri glances at you before scratching the back of her head and walking over. "Haha, hey Shax! Yeah... Some of those orc ladies were getting a little too touchy feely so I ducked away into this district. Then some of the ogre ladies started getting a little too friendly, so I ran into the first place they didn't follow me. And now I'm here, fighting monsters. Go figure, huh?" Sitri tries to laugh it off, but she looks pretty worn out and maybe a little hurt. "Yeaaah, I didn't know this was an all night kinda deal, though." The gladiatorial gates open up and you hear whistling and shouting, "Oh, hey, sorry boss, I gotta go! Talk to you later?" The satyxis jogs off. What the heck?!You check the brackets. Apparently Sitri's team is fighting wild animals next, then wild MAGICAL animals, then whoever in the bracket lived to that point, then whoever was the best of the opposite bracket, and then the gladiatorial team fights itself till the last person is standing. Wow, seems brutal.>Lodge a formal complaint with the management!>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.>Watch some of the fights and cheer! You are the best cheerleader. (You will temporarily play as Sitri.)
>>31281349>>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.
>>31281349>>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.fite exp
>>31281349>>Lodge a formal complaint with the management!
>>31281349>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.I dunno what this sounds like to the rest of you, but to me this sounds like PRACTICE!
>>31281349>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.Don't just attempt! Jump into the arena! I doubt these things are so formalized.
>>31281349>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.Duh.
>>31281349>>Watch some of the fights and cheer! You are the best cheerleader. (You will temporarily play as Sitri.)just like one of my Japanese animes.>>31281375>>31281383>>31281389>>31281398>>31281422Did you chuckle fucks read what the teams do at the end of the fight?
>>31281349>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.And we're totally going to ignore that last part of having to kill your teammates and recruit them all for our Raid.
>>31281349>>Lodge a formal complaint with the management!Sitri is a highly skilled professional who is needed for a secret mission of utmost importance. She can't be fighting in an arena!If that fails...>>Attempt to join in on Sitri's team.By jumping into the arena.
>>31281375>>31281383>>31281389>>31281398>>31281418>>31281422>>31281438How do you guys want to deal with>then the gladiatorial team fights itself till the last person is standing
>>31281437>>31281461We forfeit. Who's gonna stop us?
>>31281461Throw the fightOverdramatic swan dive style
>>31281437>>31281461We knock her down, obviously. Then Shax is the last one standing.Or she could just, you know, take a seat when we ask her to.
>>31281461Oh yeah, like that's ever been a problem.
>>31281478>>31281485>>31281495Man I sure hope this gladiatorial deathmatch isnt a fight to the death.
>>31281528We can kill the referee if they insist additional death is required.
>>31281461We tell our team that they're joining our raid group. They won't mind not dying. And if someone tries to say that's against the rules we tell them to come down here and say that to our face.
>>31281557This. Show them that we are the boss at all times, even when someone else is technically the boss.
>>31281461We're the Boss, we do what we please.
>>31281557That sounds like a good plan.
You take a seat in the stands. Jeez, you're going to be worried sick about this troublesome goat person. They only get about a ten minute break before Sitri is on the field again with an orc and a goblin teammate. Teams start off as groups of six, so they've lost about half their group already. That's not bad, usually you're down to just one or two at this point. You watched a ton of these when the goblins allied with the dark elves, so you're kind of a gladiator junkie!The other gate opens up and a mixture of beasts come out. You don't know how they aren't fighting each other, but a bear and three wolves barrel out of the gate straight toward's Sitri's team. Oh no! The orc takes out one wolf with a spear, but the other two start tearing the goblin apart. Gross! Sitri gets a few hits on the bear with her tournament blade, but it doesn't slow down any, and even gets a good swipe on her. Ouch! It rears up, and you find yourself jumping over the ledge of the pit and bringing your sword down on the furry creature with a crunch. Oh crap what did you do"Oh, hey, boss. Thanks for the save." She takes your hand and pulls herself up. "But, uh, your sword is pretty anti-regulation." It's true. The orc and Sitri mop up the wolves and you wait in the pit. "So, what're you doing down here, anyway?"You punch her in the arm. "I'm not lettin' you die just cause you can't handle some ladies. They've got needs you know, and they can't ignore them forever.""Um, Shax, you know I'm a girl, right?" Oh right, you forgot again."Anyway, I figured I'd join in! What's stopping me?""I don't know, the rules?" Sitri crosses her arms, glancing at the arena master. They don't seem to care. "You might want to check with them, though, or they will do some unfair stuff.">Officially register, accept tournament regulated gear.>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.
>>31281730>Officially register, accept tournament regulated gear.So long as Sitri survives.
>>31281730>>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.
>>31281730>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.Shax does not accept undersized weapons.
>>31281730>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.As long as they accept a sword to the head, they can do what they want.
>>31281730>Officially registerBut don't give up the sword
>>31281730>>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.damn the consequences! You a raid leader now everyone has to respect you.
>>31281730>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.Being forced to fight with a normal sized weapon? In Oversized Weapon Quest? HA!
>>31281730unfair sounds like fun
>>31281770It's on or the other
>>31281730>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.A goblin and her oversized weapon are as one
>>31281730>>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.If your main weapon is not at least as tall as you are then it doesn't count.
>>31281730>Damn the consequences! Accept the bullshit they will throw at you.They can't throw anything nastier than us, anyway.
It won't stop being Oversized Weapon Quest for even one or two updates! Writing.
Anyone got any good plans.I feel like we haven't done anything with out Boss point system in a while.
The team organizer is down there and reaches his hands out expectantly at you. You ignore him. The orc with you glances at you nervously, "You tryin' to get me killed? Just register before we fight something truly crazy."Sitri pats you on the head, "Thanks for showing up and helping me, again, boss. I really appreciate it." She glances at the orc and grins, "It's fine, Shax here knows a thing or two about fighting. I guarantee it!"The orc raises an eyebrow, "Shax? You mean like that raiding demon goblin? What are you doing down here?"You cross your arms. All this recognition is gonna give you a big head. "It's a long confidential story! Sorry! But I'm gonna try to not get you killed, I promise."The team organizer throws up his hands and walks off, probably to talk to some officials. Before too long you hear the bells sounding the next round's start. You and Sitri walk up to the gate, and when it opens up, you're greeted by the sight of...Two owlbears screeching their heads off as they charge you, and a weird cat thing with tentacle arms on its back that is hard to get a good look at lurking in the shadows. Jeez, typically this stage is just one owlbear that the straggles of the team have a hard time subduing. But two? And that other thing? That's cheating!What's the plan, boss?>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.>Stall the bears while I deal with that thing.>Something else entirely.
>>31281852Yeah, maybe we could try to prepare something cool in advance.
>>31281917>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.
>>31281917>I fight, you watch closely.
>>31281917>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the DISPLACER BEAST
>>31281917>Stall the bears while I deal with that thing.
>>31281917>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.Shax is probably too dumb to deal with Displacer Beasts
>>31281950I know Chief said we got a big head, but... that's probably not a good idea.
>>31281950Also say Try not to get yourself killed.
>>31281917>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.This plan cannot fail!>"Shax? You mean like that raiding demon goblin? What are you doing down here?"Our name is as large as our blade!
>>31281917>>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.
>>31281917>>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.Bear are bears, that cat thing worries me.
>>31281917>Only I got the beefy sword to take on an owlbear! You guys fight the cat monster.We've got Snapping Turtle now so I think we can effectively fight off two owlbears with a defensive, counter attack focused strategy.
>>31281950Do it faggot.
>>31281994Whats Snapping Turtle do again?
Alright, double owl bears it is.Roll a d20 as well as give me some sort of general strategy or plan! Same rules as always.
Rolled 11>>31282041See: >>31281994Focus on defending the hits and thrusting with snapping turtle.
Rolled 17>>31282041Use our defenden skillz
Rolled 15>>31282041Sword them until they're dead.
Rolled 2>>31282041Start up a spin and then use our sword to fling a chunk of dirt/sand into the Owlbears' eyes, this should disrupt their charge and give us a chance to chop their legs off with a low spin.
Rolled 12>>31282041MEGATON SKY HAMMER
Rolled 1>>31282041We start spinning like crazy and drop a megaton sky hammer on an owl bear
Rolled 18>>31282041Krump em good with our big sword.
>>31282041You should try spinning. That's a neat trick!
>>31282041General strategy or plan? You're asking a lot here.But try to move so that we keep one owlbear between us and the other owlbear until we kill it, then kill the other one with a jump slash. Defense will do nothing for us! We must aggress! Our sword is a sword, not some kind of wussy shield thing!
>>31282038Counter thrust from our defensive spin stance.
Rolled 17>>31282041HIT IT UNTIL IT DIESDON'T GET HIT
>>31282093We best start setting up counter thrusts like a motherfucker then.
>>31282064>>31282070>>31282075At least we aren't gonna make an idiot out of ourselves in the first round!
Sort of a split between playing defensive and smacking em about? Alright, I can work with that.Writing!
We're recruiting this orc if he lives, right?
"I'm gonna handle those bears, you two handle that cat monster!"Sitri raises her hand, "Um, boss, it isn't a cat monster it is a dis-"You start running straight at the owl bears. They keep screeching which is, frankly, very annoying, and charge straight for you. They were further away than you thought, and you lose a little of your breath by the time you reach them. Geez, these things are huge. Just before you make contact you start spinning. You bring in your sword as a defensive guard and feel a jolt as you make contact with a bear. It tries to peck and swipe at you, but you come out of the spin, sword outstretched and twisting, and push it right through one of the beasts in a gorey mess. Oh, wow that is gross there are owlbear parts everywhere now. You haven't tried that one before, and it sure did work out well. You'll keep that one in mind.You glance over just in time to block an attack from the other owlbear who had circled around you. It bats you around a bit before leaning in for a savage peck. that manages to graze you, leaving a bloody mark on your shoulder. It combos you out a few more times while you study its movments and try to prevent damage. After you figure out a good time for an opening you smash it back with your sword, following it up with a jumping slash to finish it off. That's not too hard! You glance over at your teammates who have managed to take down the cat monster, but they're both pretty haggard looking, the orc is especially worse for the wear."If I didn't tell him what displacer beasts could do, I don't think we would both be standing right now, boss. But, I don't think you can count on him for the next round." Good help is hard to find! You expect to go back to the holding cells, but... "If there is going to be a 'next round'," Sitri says, glancing at the other teams' gates as they fling open. You're going to be fighting the last three teams all at once?>Defend! Back up and regroup.>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!
>>31282350>>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!"ONE OF THEM COULD BE A WIZARD!"
>>31282350Do a little of both.Have Sitri buff us and we'll attack the teams while Sitri and the orc come in behind us after the initial sweep.
>>31282350>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!Don't give them a chance to pelt us with ranged attacks.
>>31282350>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!
>>31282350>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!Too bad we don't have ralthazars wild ride
>>31282350>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!Don't give them a chance to surround us. Keep on moving and keep the enemy off balance.
>>31282350>Defend! Back up and regroup.However, if we do attack, make sure everyone forms up on Shax and she leads the charge.
>>31282350Casually parry the fireball which will be arriving any second now
Rolled 17>>31282350Defend With your giant sword and get them behind you and time to be the boss and get them to surrender.
>>31282350>>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!
>>31282350>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!Large groups are difficult to coordinate.
>>31282398That would screw us up more honestly.
>>31282350>>Attack! They aren't ready yet. Charge em!Bitch please. I bet not one of them has a giant weapon.>>31282388Buff us with what? pretty sure pan pipes are against the rules.
>>31282350>> Attempt to recruit them."Friends, Monsters, Satyre groupies, lend me your ears! I come to recruit you, not to kill you.
Alrighty.Give me a d20 and let's see how this goes!
Rolled 10>>31282521Hope this works.
Rolled 14>>31282521I AM FIGHT
Rolled 14>>31282533Yep, this is OWQ.
Rolled 20>>31282533FUCK YOU
>>31282533Goddamnit. Do we get that 14 if we spend a boss point?
>>31282533It was a fun quest, you guys.Spend the boss point or am I writing?
>>31282574This. Can we please not die in front of hundreds of people?
Rolled 11>>31282533Well that sucksReally>>31282569
>>31282578SPEND THE FUCKING POINT.
>>31282578Spend that shit yo.
>>31282578Spend it. Duh.
Rolled 7>>31282578Send boss point we need to
>>31282592What he said.
>>31282578Spend the point.
We need a good plan to pull this off.Anyone have an idea?
Rolled 20>>31282661not dieing
>>31282689You heard the 20!
>>31282661We're a small target, with a big fucking sword, against a disorganized rabble who aren't really coordinating with each other.This means we're in a perfect position to go charging in and just carve a path through them. If we move fast enough and unpredictably enough it'll be difficult for them to mount a good defense against us, and we can just split people in half. Also, fire, if we could find some way to set stuff on fire in here that'd be awesome.
>>31282689Listen to the 20
>>31282661Hit them until they dieDon't get hit
>>31282782Also, once we have chopped our way through a fair number of guys we can probably tell them that we are Shax Bonemurder, Raid Leader, and that if they wish to live they can join our Raid.If the referee tries to stop us we can sword him.
>>31282843Yeah, we definitely should go for some recruiting. Less people to fight that way.
You start charging the group of enemies ahead, they still are disorganized so you have a chance to take out a large group of 'em! The largest group is a set of three people, all orcs, and relatively unharmed, somehow. Call it a premonition, or maybe it was just battle instinct, but you have a flash of insight about the man in the back of the group, and get your sword up in time catch a solid ray of fire as it shoots right towards you. A mage! Dangerous! Still, you gotta keep the momentum up. You plow into one guy up front, and you pretend you didn't see what happened to him. You smack the other guy aside with your sword, before bringing it down on the mage. These fights aren't necessarily to the death, so you make sure to just brain him with the flat of your sword. That, at least, probably won't kill him? You're no doctor.One group down! The others are a single man standing, and a duo. The single one is a barrell chested ogre, and you instinctively want to avoid it. The duo is a kobold, who you assume was tricked here, and a dark elf. The two groups turn to each other, and then turn to look at you.They're an equal distance apart, but on opposite sides of the arena.>What's the plan boss?>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?>Time to face our fears! Let's take out an ogre.>Kobolds are weak, and elves aren't much better! They'll be easy pickings.
>>31282926>>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?
>>31282926>>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?Diplomance!
>>31282926>>Time to face our fears! Let's take out an ogre.
>>31282926>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?
>>31282926Just stand there and laugh manically. Smash whoever tries something first.
>>31282926>Time to face our fears! Let's take out an ogre.We can diplomance after taking out the strongest thing here.
>>31282966Diplomance Cutebolds. Kill Elves
>>31282926>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?>Time to face our fears! Let's take out an ogre.Tell them kolbods to quit it
>>31282926Aren't we immune to fire anyway? We should have just ate the ray and psyched everyone out. Would have been funny.
>>31282966And while we're at it, we might as well monologue about how it's 2000 years to early for these punks to face us.
>>31282993This is genius.
>>31282926>>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?Welcome to bonemurdered enterprises! Raiding company extraordinaire! Join now for the low low price of life long servitude and gain such fantastic perks as going to the surface! Eating three square meals a day! Fighting alongside rising superstar shax bone murdered! and not dying in the next five minutes!
>>31282926>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?>Time to face our fears! Let's take out an ogre.Diplomance Kobolds. Ogres are probably immune to that though. Elves are too high maintenance as Allonces has shown.
>>31283024>DiplomanceI like it
>>31282926>I'm the winner! Also, the boss. Just give it up, alright?Give them a choice, they can join up with SHAX BONEMURDER! Raid Leader extraordinaire, or we can beat them up.>>31283026Drow aren't all that bad, we've met some cool dark elves. They answer a lot of our questions.
So what skills should we buy?Also can some one explain the sea mother blessing to me?Like how do we gain tidal points and if the skill tree will grow?
>>31283387Tidal Points are linked to the tree. The more skills we buy the more points we'll get.
>>31283387>what skills should we buyLongevity of the Non-Goblin, whatever that Non-Goblin is.
>>31283387We should get "If it is nailed down then we just have to steal the nails" sometime, more loot is nice, and it leads to MLACBTC?! which ought to be useful.
>>31283683I'd rather grab longevity first.It's just the smarter choice.
>>31283387We're barging our way towards Sword Saint, so all MSiF xp is accounted for
"Alright! I just took out three guys two owlbears and a normal regular sized bear all in a row. Now, one of you is as big as a bear, and I give you one guess who I'm talkin' bout, but the rest of you? What chance you think you got? I'm not gonna pick on anybody in particular, but you're both pretty small and scrawny. And this sword is pretty dang big. So just give it up, alright?" You tap yourself on the chest, "You might even get to join me in raiding the surface. The name is Shax Bonemurder!" You wave your sword. Maybe you're in your element at times like this.The ogre looks sorta confused but the kobold and dark elf look at each other, shrug, and throw their weapons down, and then just sit down. Sitri trots up to you, "That actually worked? How oftend do you do that?" You don't have much of a chance to respond as you prepare for the ogre to run into you. But it doesn't, and just throws its weapon down, too.A man comes out of the gate near you, and holds his hands up as you turn to face him. "Hey, hi, yo, hey let's stop. Why, uh, why did you ruin this contest, by the way, just wondering?"Sitri waves and scratches the back of her head embarassedly, "Heyyyy, remember me, yeah I'm part of a strikeforce under her employ and she probably didn't want to see me mauled to death. Yeah, sorry." There is cheering from the audience. It's all women. Sitri steps behind you and ducks down. You're not a very good shield. "Yeah, I'm just gonna tag along with you. These underworld women are a little too much for me. Surface ladies are a lot less... No, they're just as forward.">You've successfully ruined a minor distraction for the common man! Congratulations.The day is drawing to a close. You've got to get some rest! The dragon boss arranged a place for you to stay with an actual bed and you feel like you're going to drown in the earth.
>Your party members all had some experiences today! They've gained experience and bought some skills!>Brokagh has gained Brothers in Beer! Yeah, he had some trouble, but he made a lot of friends he doesn't know the name of today. And apparently got engaged to a duergar woman. Hopefully he'll find out her name before the wedding! Which he is hoping he will die in Yselathe to avoid.>Allonces has gained Dark Elves Are A Little Hot! She has been repeatedly freaked out today in an attempt to avoid a conversation with a dark elf. This strategy has only forced her into conversation after conversation with dark elves. She has decided that they're pretty cute, but failed to gain an admirer. Maybe she has gained a weird taste for men?>Bearbreath has gained Form of the Spider! He can now turn into a horrifying giant hairy spider with dripping mandibles. He keeps doing it and hanging out in the corners of your room and you really wish he'd stop.>Fetidclaw has gained a Broken Heart! He thought he found love but he has lost it, and now he thinks he is a poet and keeps trying to get Sitri to set his awful poetry to music, and she does it out of pity and everyone is worse for it.>Sitri has gained a Positive Work Environment! Wow, Shax really likes her minions! She'll go to bat to save them. Sitri hasn't been to many places that had bosses that care about their help, and it is honestly kinda refreshing. If more ladies were like Shax...It's the dawn of a new day! Everyone is waking up slowly.What's the plan, boss?>Ask _______ what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.>Go looking for trouble in camp!>Head somewhere specific:>>Goblin warrens.>>Drow temples.>>Dragon Lady's House.>>Duergar Quarter.>>Orc Camps.>>That place with all the weirdos.
>>31283823>Ask Allonces what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.
>>31283823>>>That place with all the weirdos.
>>31283823Let's throw a pre-adventure party.
>>31283823>>Ask _______ what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.Allonces! How much magic did she manage to learn by the way?
>>31283893I like it! Seconding party idea.
>>31283823>Ask Fetidclaw what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.Poor FetidclawMaybe he needs a drinking buddy! Wait, what's the age requirement to legally drink in goblin society? Like, 6 months?
>>31283823>>Ask fetidclaw what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.Poor guy just had his heart broken guys we should hang out with him for a bit for support. Definitely not to get him to stop making poems no sir.
>>31283823>Ask Allonces what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.Gotta give her attention some time. That's what you do with minions, right? Give them hope and then dash it?
>>31283823>Ask _______ what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.I think we've talked to him the least of these guys.
>>31283823>Ask _______ what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.>Allonces
>>31283823>Ask Fetidclaw what they're plans are, and offer to hang out with them.
>>31283823>Allonces has gained Dark Elves Are A Little Hot!Let's see if we can't upgrade that to "How am I going to explain my Dark Elf boyfriend to my parents?"
>>31283823Let's hang out with Feticlaw.
>>31283823We should talk to Brokagh. I don't think we ever really have.Barring that I like the party idea.
>>31283932Pre-adventure party sounds fun
>>31283823Oh, I have a great idea: Let's have a teaparty with Allonces and Fetidclaw!
>>31283792>AlloncesI guess that means Drow temple.
>>31283823>>Drow temples.Bring Allonces. We have to see this skill in action.
Alright! Let's start writing!
>>31283823>Bearbreath has gained Form of the Spider! He can now turn into a horrifying giant hairy spider with dripping mandibles.What? That skill is actually useful. You need to slack off more, Bearbreath.
>>31284607Bearbreath for employee of the month.
You wake up with a yawn and try to not think about Bearbreath's horrifying web above lacing the ceiling.You do your morning warmup and come back into the room to see everyone waking up."Hey, guys. Let's have a pre-adventure party! I never get to party so I thought it'd be nice also I never get to talk to some of you and I don't know what parties are like and the last one I tried to hold was a disaster and I really just want to have a nice one and this might be my last chance since Yselathe sounds awful and I don't really want to have a party with a bunch of demons and dead people and-"Sitri puts a hand over your mouth, "Haha, okay, yeah, we get it. Let's have a party!" Allonces makes a squeaking noise, and runs over to her bags, and begins pulling out snacks. It's high class snakcs, but maybe that is just something people eat when they are partying. Your last party had snacks you liked, so maybe you have to have stuff like this for a successful party.when the high elven girl goes to pull out some drinks, Brokagh stops her, and growls "Let's pull some from my personal stash," before digging around in his bag, "That is apparently much smaller than yesterday, but still." He produces two bottles of some sort of liquid.Before long everyone is around Fetidclaw as he is bawling about meeting a nice lady for the first time in forever, and how he blew it by being too damn pushy. The girls are telling him he's a nice guy and he just needs to do his best while Brokaghs says he can introduce him to a dozen girls if he wants."I'm a master of romance, Mr. Claw, and I've got a ring to prove it," Brokagh says, showing off his hand.Fetidclaw snorts, "Get back to me when you can remember what she looks like."Half way through the day, and the party was a great success. Everyone had a nice time!
>>31284727He deserves it.>>31284010My Boyfriend is A Chaotic Evil Dark Elf, any my High Elf Parents Want Me To Be a Paladin?!Also, that is it for today. I'm off tomorrow so I'll try to run a thread then! The next best time after that is Thursday. We'll pick up with you showing Allonces and Fetidclaw around the camp, since they were tied.You Have:>15/40 BtB exp>13/40 MSiF exp>27/32 CyRCTHaM exp>8/8 FMMM exp, 1/1 Tidal Points.You can buy a Five More Minutes Mom skill!>Clam Up, you Barnacle Blasted Battler - The Sea Mother's blessing can increase your natural armor temporarily at the cost of some Tidal Points. >There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle - You can spend Tidal Points to enhance your armor penetration to incredible levels! Sunder most anything!
>>31284824>There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle
>>31284824Thanks for running!
>>31284824>>There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle - You can spend Tidal Points to enhance your armor penetration to incredible levels! Sunder most anything!Offense is the best defense.
>>31284824>There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle - You can spend Tidal Points to enhance your armor penetration to incredible levels! Sunder most anything!MY BLADE SHALL SPLIT THE SEAS!
>>31284856>>There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle
>>31284824>Clam Up, you Barnacle Blasted Battler - The Sea Mother's blessing can increase your natural armor temporarily at the cost of some Tidal Points....so I missed the whole thread? dang
>>31284824>There is Nothing My Cutter Cannot Cuttle>Implying we would chose something that isn't this.Also wonder how we got that 5 more minutes mom point. Do we get them automatically every session, with more being collected as we get more skills? Or did our ruining of the gladiator pits/leaving party somehow align with the sea mothers agenda?
>>31284824Thanks for the thread, Chief. See you next time.
Gonna be hard to beat that vote. Okay! Cuttlefish it is.>>31284942Her plans are impossible for your feeble mind to imagine!Alright! Thank you all so much for playing and reading! You guys were fun, and we managed to even discussing goblin reproduction like adults, so I'm very proud of you all. You people are so great!I hope you enjoyed the thread, and I hope to see you for the next one!
>>31284999Thanks for the thread, Chief! You rock.
>>31284999thx 4 runin budi gud thred
>>31284999Hoping for Allonces boyfriend shenanigans next time.
>>31284824Well, it's too damn late here, so good night everyone.
>>31284999so uhh, what happened to the tree peeps? This might actually be the best arrangement for them, if they're allowed to get some sun.
>>31283792>>You've successfully ruined a minor distraction for the common manIf the common man cares to step forward, Shax will quite happily use him to distract the rest of the audience.