Think of a chapter of Space Marines, /tg/. Chaos warbands or legions count.Got it? Good.One of their battle brothers has just appeared in your house with no idea how he got there. No, he doesn't speak English, he's from 38000 years in the future.Wat do?
Repeat the name "Horus" over and over again.
>>32493850Gee, pre heresy emperors children weren't exactly a homogenous bunch. I have no Idea what I'd do, probaply grab a worldmap and point to where we are or something.
I make the sign of the aquila. There, no words necessary, an Ultramarine wouldn't kill me out of hand either.Probably smashes right through my floor though.
Well I imagine Crimson fists are fairly compassionate towards humans compared to other chapters so I would't be shot on sight. I would probably try let him know where he is, maybe he has some technology on him to help decipher what I'm saying.
>Point to Iron Warrior-painted kneepads>And small army>shovel>and then outsideWe dig trenches until dawn
>>32494027Ahh, the correct answer.
>>32493850>SalamanderShout THE EMPEROR over and over while bowing profusely so he doesn't burn me alive. Then try to devise some means of communication
>>32494234Along with my anus.
>>32494249You'll learn to enjoy it in time.
>>32494274If he survives
>Marines MalevolentI prostrate myself and hope I die quickly.
>>32493850>Blood ravens Jokes on you I know how to speak space marine>GREETENGS, BAHTALBROTHER THE ENEHMY IS NOT HERE I KNOW YOUR DUHTY OF THA BLOOD RAHVENS AND WILL DO MY BEST TO GUIDE YOU IN THA NAME OF THE EMPRA
>>32494468He leaves after thanking you for your many generous gifts.
>>32493850>Alpha LegionAlpharius?How do they even act around normal people?
>>32493850Iron HandsTries to fuse me with my laptop.I'm ok with this.
>>32494583You wake up the next day imagining it was a strange dream.Later on you get a note with two words on it. You proceed to kill the president.
>>32494622Coulda gone worse >>32494154
>>32494593>implying he doesn't kill you for being a weakling
>>32494642Implying he doesn't just turn him into a servitor.
>Black TemplarsImmediately genuflect. Begin crusading if he doesn't blow my head off.
>Oracles of ChangeObscure renegade Tzeentchian Warband from the Abyssal Crusade.You know what, being possessed by a Pink Horror probably won't be that bad.
>>32493850Draw the imperial symbol, point out my globe. Then get him a glass of water and a seat on the couch (The couch wouldn't survive but it's being polite. He might be thirsty and or tired. Then show him games work shop website. The try to learn his language and teach him english. I may see if he wants to go with me to the shooting range tomorrow, he would have to sit in the bed of the truck though. Seeing as Space Marines weigh a ton. Granted I thought of a space shark though, so he may be a bit distressing looking to the locals.
>Doom WarriorsA very disgruntled looking guy in yellow armor with the biggest bags under his eyes I've ever seen appears and starts screaming gibberish at me and waving a gun the size of my torso. After smashing his head through the ceiling he becomes totally apoplectic, picking me up by one hand and shaking me like a rag doll, screaming more gibberish into my face.What would I do? Cry.
H-heh, easy there, big fella. Eaaasy.My roommate has more meat on him, I trip him and run.Why did I pick the chapter that was fatally undone by the Red Thirst, honestly?
>>32495121Because the Flesh Eaters are the best chapter, objectively.
>>32493850>SalamandersDo not panic, flinch or look guilty when you see their #000000 coal black faces and glowing red eyes.Make the Sign of the Aquila and kneel, get up and shake the marine's hand. Draw lips on the ground or paper and a X mark on it to indicate that both do not speak each other's respective language. Draw a crude rendition of a Librarian(bulky stick(?) figures with force staff and psychic hood) with arrows going back and forth between another stick figure's head(which would be you) to show that telepathy would be required for communication. If he does not have telepathic abilities, then well, it may go like this: >>32494992
>Grey KnightsWell, communication isn't an issue, but... he's going to kill me, isn't he? I know too much about the Chaos Gods, and he'll know I know.
> Ultra-Marine 30k:Immediately bow and show him a globe.> Thousand Sons 30k:Show him a globe, bow, and hope he uses his telepathy to not fuck my mind that much
>>32495233Oh, and that force halberd is way too big to fit comfortably in my tiny apartment, he's probably going to end up breaking a lot of things, such as my walls.
>>32495258>that force halberd is way too big to fit comfortably in my tiny apartmentThat's what she said!
>>32495233Oh shit. That was my chapter. I was going to do something like>>32495191, but then I realize that I know a bit about chaos. However, I guess I would show him the Games Workshop website, and then purchase all the lore books I could to help him. I guess, that and try to help him find the Emprah and go on a whirlwind adventure with him. That and maybe offer him a beer. Or something.
>lamentersMake the imperial symbol show him the globe like>>32494992Then I'll give him a hug, put on some coco and get the extra bed ready for him
>>32495423As it turns out, the Lamenter is carrying bacteria on his armor from the far future. They have long mutated to make all known forms of treatment utterly useless. The bacteria, while harmless to the citizens of the far future, is utterly deadly to a modern man.It's smallpox all over again, but much worse. It's airborne and waterborne and massively contagious, and appears to be a minor cough or cold before causing rapid hemorrhaging and organ failure.The Lamenter watches a whole world die because of him.
>>32495545>EVERYTHING I LOVE ALWAYS DOES THIS
>>32495545But then all the humans would be dead before 40k
> Get an Ultramarine that's into younger guys> Gets anally raped by Ultramarine> Dies> Ward busts down door, busts a nut, then gets his asshole busted as Ultramarine rapes him> World's male population is destroyed by a lone Ultramarine who diddles younger men then him
>Iron HandsI pray that he doesn't decide that my computer needs a thorough searching. I'd be burned as a filthy Slaaneshi cultist before I could explain myself.Also, why wouldn't they speak english? They clearly do in all the books.
>>32495611Weren't Romans into thighfucking? Or am I thinking of Greeks?
>>32495699Naw, that was Siam. In fact, they renamed their country for it.
>>32495619>High Gothic is also known as "Tech" as it is a version of the language in which technical rituals and ancient works are recorded. This developed during the Dark Age of Technology. It derives from the common tongue of the time, an assimilation of English, European and Pacific languages which developed over many centuries in the American/Pacific region.>Low Gothic is a bastardised version of High Gothic, combining additional elements from several of the oriental languages of ancient Earth. Over the millennia it has changed greatly, and now bears almost no resemblance to the tongues from which it derived. Although a common language, it varies from planet to planet (and even from region to region), so that it is not always easy for two characters to communicate if they are from different worlds. u srs m8y
>>32493850Salamander.Well, I'd say we're off to a great friendship, as soon as we get past the language barrier.
>>32495619>>32495619Like a fucking Iron Hands marine could type on your computer. >Ahriman warps into my fucking house. Fucker can already read my damn mind. > Treat him with respect and dignity, some sympathy and some taste. >Use all my well learned politics and show him my 40k books, including extensive books from the Black Library. >Hope he doesn't mind the tiny house I am in.
Probably shit my heart out of my asshole when seven feet of beakie sneaks up on me and taps me on the shoulder.
>>32495804>Iron Hands don't have MIUs
After I demonstrate that I am a loyalist, mainly by showing him my little models of his chapter, I have an Imperial Fist fortifying my house. I don't ask where he gets the supplies and he doesn't tell me.
>>32493850>Space WolvesI'm already drinking, we're gonna get on fine.
>>32495859The question is, would he understand English or the culture you are in. Now crazier would be your most used faction:Inquisitor warps into your placeGuardsman warps into your placeEldar Warps into your placeSister warps into your placeNecron warps into your placeOrk warps into your placeTau Warps into your place
>>32495996>Tyranids Warp into my houseUh oh.
>>32493850Get murdered by Kharn the Betrayer.
Thousand Sons Rubric marine.......well shit. How do I move this thing probided that the weight didn't kill my downstairs neighbor
>>32495996Thing about that is there is a grand total of like two factions that PROBABLY wouldn't straight up kill you, not counting Space Marines.
>Death GuardI have a pretty bad cold, where does that get me?
>>32496031Why I did not mention them.
>>32496128because they don't warp due to shadow of the warp I guess?Is that how it works? how do tyranids achieve FTL again?
>>32493850>Raven GuardMake the Sign of the Aquila, obviously.
>>32496163Psyker Narwhals use their powers to bend gravity to their will, allowing them FTL travel.Similar to how the Tau have psyker waffle polar bears helping them.
>>32496080Imperial Guard, Sisters, Inquisition-- Maybe. However if only one is warping in, that makes this a completely different thing.IF it's only oneEldar-- might not kill you, pray it's not a psyker and fucks your brain. You best hope by the emprah it's not a Dark Eldar.Ork: Well, it would last about 10 seconds. However, my shirt is awfully green. So I may last a minute as the ork is confused.Tau: Depends on the caste and it's patience. Granted I live near a government installation, so chances are it would be alien autopsied. Necron-- Grand total of 10 seconds alive. Nid: OMM NOM NOM
Rolled 91>>32493850Rolling for anal circumfrence
>>32495996Commisar Haveth was terrified. One moment, he was in the thick of combat, his men dying all around him as the filthy xenos fired into his unit. The next, he stood here, in this foreign room, the feel of air conditioning on his face, and a bearded man, sitting and staring at him. The bearded man lifted his hands, eyes cast to the ground in a submissive gesture the commisar couldn't quite decipher.He had no way of knowing if this man was responsible for him being here, or if killing him would send him back. But if there was one thing the Schola Progenium taught him, it was that violence could solve any problem, great or small. The other man began to shout as the commisar raised his pistol. He was immune to the shouts, immune to the sound of a man begging for his life.
>>32496265You rolled far too high
>>32493850>Mentor Legion>He sees Inquisition symbol on my back, and the Servo Skull I'm working on. >We start trying to figure out how to communicate and become best of friends.
Salamander, whew. Begging for my life has a serious chance of actually working.>settle liedsigh
>>32495996I play Chaos Daemons, bruv.I kinda prefer the Space Marine, at least there's a chance of me surviving.instead of being beheaded/flayed/mutated/infected with superAIDS
>>32496242The heartwarming story of a young Guardsman being sent back in time, learning today's languages, telling his story, becoming a citizen of the modern world, and living out his life in a relatively less shitty time.
>>32496280This is incredibly dark-- continue.
>>32496397Something something mountain dew piss bottles, cum socks, etc. He concludes he's been warped into a den of Nurgle
>>32496405that would have been a good bit of writefaggotry.
>>32496365Buboes, phlegm, blood and guts! Boils, bogeys, rot and pus! Blisters, fevers, weeping sores! From your wounds the fester pours!
I can do naught but weep with despair, for as I look upon him I know I will never be an Ultramarine.
>>32495804>Iron hand marine mashes keys on keyboard with his massive hands>"WHAT KIND OF KEYBOARD IS THIS? A KEYBOARD FOR ANTS?"
>>32496280The man lies dead, in pieces before him. As the barrel of his bolt pistol cools, Commisar Haveth looks around the room. he sees shelves, lined with small replicas of guardsmen and the materiel they fielded. An enthusiast, some noble collector of Imperial Guard memorabilia? No. The commissar looked further.The room was a mess. Clothes strewn. Moldering food on the desk. Pieces of paper filled with human semen. It smelled like death in this place. And he looked further. Strange devices, like nothing he had ever seen before, sleek and small and shining.Technoheresy! Nurgle worship! And worse, killing this cultist had not liberated the commisar from this place. He turned, desperately scrambling out of the room.As he scrambles for some way out of the house, he pauses. His hears had picked up voices.
>>32496745Oh gawd yes.
>>32494154Is... is he wearing a tiny leopard skin loincloth?
>>32496930Yes, anon.Yes he is.
>>32496745I will assist you in your noble plight and writefag it up also.
>>32496930Of course.Why wouldn't he be?
>>32496745The house is in ruins. Burn marks on the walls, holes in the ceiling. Blood all over. It was the duty of an Imperial citizen to root out corruption, and to destroy it, both the root and the soil that surrounds it. No more would this place reek of corruption.Haveth reaches for the doorknob. He pulls it open. As his eyes adjust to the light of the sun, he sees the world before him. He sees strange clothes, strange-looking people, strange-looking devices in their hands and strange vehicles going down the world. He is a stranger in a strange land, where these strangers speak in tongues outside of his understanding.As the ambient noise of their chanting fills his ears, the commisar knows what to do.
Night Lords.They will find my skin tacked to the walls.
>>32493850>form the sign of the aquila, bow, and say "AVE IMPERATOR"It's like you scrubs can't even into 40k.
>>32497504exactly my thoughts
Mantis Warrior. I take him to a crowded corrupt city and then rent a cheap apartment and wait. >http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riF9nrWbJyk
>>32497504>implying gothic is actually latin
>>32497617It doesn't matter if it is or not. The Aquila is the Aquila. Non-verbal communication and body language is the solution to this puzzle.Or fuck, take the marine to Matt Ward's house. I'm sure he'd know what to do.
>>32497617>implying ave imperator isn't an actual canon high gothic phrase>implying even if you spoke gibberish a loyalist wouldn't recognize the sign of the aquila
Battle Brother Marcus knew no fear. In his heart the Emperor protected and guided his hand. He was the most trusted veteran of his squad and was to be given terminator honors within a few weeks. His aim was flawless when he shot the Xenos jetbike hurtling towards him at speeds and the foul witch on board it. The explosion, he felt was satisfactory. He felt his time in the Deathwatch was going well. Then the world changed around him, instead of the city in ruins he felt himself falling through a floor and landing, quite clumsily next to a set of stairs, a few odd devices and a few sets of what looked liked tomes. This had to be the work of the Witch on the Jetbike. Or some other xenos treachery. Noise came from above him, and what sounded like some unusual hymns and speech came from above him and suddenly stopped. It was night here, where he was at just moments ago- was day. This felt wrong. The voices from above sounded confused and scared. Yet, they sounded human. Battle Brother Marcus was on his feet, and his bolter at the ready. Lights appeared around him. The voices were closer. He saw to his left a glass door, and a tree line. For a moment, he thought about regrouping at the tree line, trying his vox and seeing where in the emperor's name he was.Then he saw where the voices were coming from-- humans.
>>32497646I'm not sure space marines would tolerate a fat bearded peasant scrabbling to pry open his codpiece to fellate him after being transported to a strange universe.
>>32497678>implying the Space Marine would not instinctively recognize his spiritual liege
>>32497736>implying Matt Ward isn't a filthy Necron and WHFB elf playing hereticMight as well call him Phaeron Ward.
>>32497185Officials this morning are discussing the terrible event that occurred this morning. A terrorist, wearing a red coat and carrying weapons of unknown origin, fired into a crowd, killing twenty seven people and injuring over one hundred. Police were called in to apprehend the criminal to no avail, ending when an army marksman gunned down the crazed man. Witnesses report him speaking a guttural language of unknown origin, with local tabletop gaming enthusiasts linking his clothing to "commisars" from the board game "Warhammer 40k".Is the game to be blamed?
>>32497823>Is the game to be blamed?>not posting a photo of Gorka Morka, mislabeling it as 40K and providing the description for WHFB
>>32497823>only 127 casualties and 27 confirmed killsI'm pretty sure he'd just whip out the ol' chainsword or power sword and go to town.Competent military response is not that quick unless a base is nearby.
Post kiddo of the emperor, easy.Toss whatever drugs and sharp objects I have near me out into the hall, keep his ass busy for a bit.
>>32497661Battle Brother Marcus, heard the voices, growing louder and more panicked. But the voice that didn't seem panicked was the voice he saw first. A small human child holding a stuffed creature. The small human child waved. Battle Brother Marcus waved back. The child ran back up the clumsily made stairs that could in no way support him. Quickly, the voice grew surprised, and several lights turned on, outside and above him. A man, wearing unusual clothing, save the shirt on the mans chest. The Shirt displayed the Aquila. "Ave Imperator" The Man said, then collapsing. The man wore boots suited for what looked like combat, but his outlook seemed different. His appearance was lean, almost emaciated. Another person appeared at the top of the stairway a female, and looked down- her utterances confused shouting. Marcus realized that he had landed in the domicile of an unusual rim world. Or that is how he felt. Clearly with the heavy amounts of vegetation in outside of the nearby window, he was in some distant agriworld in the home of some former guardsman. This was what he rationalized. But, everything seemed so different. The Machinery, the air, the building materials them selves, seeing as he fell through one floor. His Battle Brothers would never let him hear the end of it when he returned back. Marcus the Reliable-- defeated by poor infrastructure and shoddy stairs.
well this is gonna suck
>>32498036Glorious bump for Brother Marcus and the Emperor.
>>32497661continue most excellent scribe
Salamanders are relatively benevolent. An Aquila, "Ave Imperator" and a point towards my globe should stop me from getting killed immediatly. I should probably make myself helpful with some speed though.
My house is now being used as an trench network.Thanks Iron Warriors.
>>32498036Marcus checked his vox, it wasn't working. This was unusual. He checked again and again. Nothing was working. He squat down for a second to look around him. 'Aha!' He thought. The basement was interfering with the signal. "Please execuse me citizen. I am going to step outside a moment to attempt to make contact with my commander. I will make arrangements for you and your husband to be compensated." Marcus said. The woman seemed confused and just shook her head her eyes seemingly worried. Perhaps, there was something wrong at home? The child seemed friendly enough, though heresy takes root early on. Then Marcus saw something unusual nearby the door. Several well tended to and cared for replicas of imperial and astartes vehicles- painted in Salamander Colors. This for some reason brought a smile to his face. The Child pointed to the replicas, and then to him very quickly and excitedly. The Mothers eyes grew wide. Perhaps, she had never seen a member of the Ordo Xenos before, why would she? It was a fairly obscure order-- not many had heard of it. He quickly opened the glass door and began operating his vox "Command this is Battle Brother Marcus of Squad 2, I have been Transported to some agriworld by some manner of eldar trickery. Thankfully I have landed in the residence of imperial supporters- but" He looked up as the helicopter passed over head. This was something he was unfamiliar with. The whole city- everything seemed so familiar. Yet- the sky. The Night Sky. When he looked up, and looked at the stars a sudden realization hit him. This was no Agri World
>Raven GuarduhI guess he probably jetpacks off into the night and wrecks my wallProbably accidentally torches me with the exhausts too
>>32498315you are very talented brother your continuation of this great tale is a must!
>>32498330But the Raven Guard go around saving the little people. He'd probably make some room then jump pack away, so as to not torch any non-heretic humans.
>>32497823The offending game. Warhammer 40k is a role playing game about a bleak future, populated by a fascistic empire of luddites as they battle equally violent and dangerous foes. Is it the root of all suffering? That's for you to decide, and us to cram down your throat anyway.
Man, why'd I have to pick the Dark Angels, those guys are humorless douchenozzles.Probably smacks me around the house when I am unable to answer his questions. May or may not survive.
>>32498423>"MOVE CIVILIAN I MUST TAKE TO THE SKIES">"w-what">the marine just tosses you on your bed like a ragdoll and bursts through the wallFor some reason I found this intensely funnyprobably lack of sleep
>>32498451I'd have slapped the logo over a WHFB picture, but that's just me.
>>32498315ok, this is getting good. write with all haste dear anon.
>>32498315Battle Brother Marcus quickly entered the house- the former guardsman was awake, and stuttering pointing to what Marcus was looking for. Marcus quickly put his hand up in a gesture of peace, and looked at the object the man was pointing to. A model of Holy Terra.Marcus had never been to Holy Terra save once when he was young. He remembered it in great detail- the city lights, the people, the recruiters, the pilgrims. It was all so much for him. He remembered seeing a Custode for the first time. He felt that was what changed his life, to dedicate himself to becoming the man he was today. The model of holy terra-- was wrong. All Wrong. There were so many divisions and lines and different shades, some of the locations and boundaries were wrong. The only thing that was right was the actual geography itself, if the planet was much older. Marcus realized what had happened. He heard stories of Battle Brothers being taken by warp storms- lost forever. Perhaps this was all an illusion. 'NO' a voice said to him inside his head, that reverberated in his heart. 'WHAT YOU SEE IS TRUE MY CHILD.' This caused Marcus to collapse to the ground. "It cannot be. this world-- Terra? Holy Terra? How did I get here where am I?" Battle Brother Marcus said in frustration. The man nodded as if in acknowledgement of the situation, he took what looked to probably be wife and child upstairs. 'A BETTER QUESTION IS NOT WHERE, BUT WHEN, WHEN ARE YOU.' The voice said louder. "And now I have gone mad with pilgrim syndrome hearing the voice of the emperor in my head, as I believe I am in Holy Terra, when in all reality- I am stuck in some kind of warp storm talking to myself" Marcus said squatting down, holding the globe in his hand.
A very pretty man in red power armor breaks through several walls, waving a chainsword. Holds me at gunpoint until I clear up that I am not a heretic and in fact have models of his chapter. I show him the GW website.If I am lucky the shock won't make him start mumbling something about Horus.
>>32495619I figure, that if High Gothic is a mix of English, European languages and whatnot, English and German would at least give me a place to start. But yeah... If he gets through to my stash, my life is forfeit as well.
>>32494197My battle-brother. Better hope he doesn't murder everyone, including you, for the sole reason that he gotbored of digging trench.
>>32498708I need more of this
>>32498769It'd be like someone trying to communicate with you in, like, Cro-Magnon. He'd possibly recognize a few syllables, even a word or two might sound vaguely similar to one he knows. But otherwise it's gibberish.h2áu̯ei̯ h1i̯osméi̯ h2u̯l̥h1náh2 né h1ést, só h1éḱu̯oms derḱt. só gwr̥hxúm u̯óǵhom u̯eǵhed; só méǵh2m̥ bhórom; só dhǵhémonm̥ h2ṓḱu bhered. h2óu̯is h1ékwoi̯bhi̯os u̯eu̯ked: “dhǵhémonm̥ spéḱi̯oh2 h1éḱu̯oms-kwe h2áǵeti, ḱḗr moi̯ aghnutor”. h1éḱu̯ōs tu u̯eu̯kond: “ḱludhí, h2ou̯ei̯! tód spéḱi̯omes, n̥sméi̯ aghnutór ḱḗr: dhǵhémō, pótis, sē h2áu̯i̯es h2u̯l̥h1náh2 gwhérmom u̯éstrom u̯ept, h2áu̯ibhi̯os tu h2u̯l̥h1náh2 né h1esti. tód ḱeḱluu̯ṓs h2óu̯is h2aǵróm bhuged.That is PIE, which English eventually came from. Understandable? Well, it's only from about six thousand years ago. We are talking thirty-eight.
>>32498942True, though with the advent of written languages, one could imagine that it would be more likely to be understood. I'm not saying we'd be able to talk, but it could give a starting point. Reference in a few more languages, and you could get a working reference point.
>>32498708>>32498708'I AM NO HALLUCINATION NOR FEVER DREAM. I AM VERY MUCH REAL. I NOTICED YOU WHEN YOU ARRIVED. I WILL HELP YOU AND GUIDE YOU TO ME.' the voice thrummed in his mind, more painful than any shot from any xenos weapon or any hit from an ork. The child walked close and put down a glass of water and what looked like food and smiled. The child started speaking in it's strange tongue and took one of the models of what was a land raider and started playing with it. Battle Brother Marcus took the water and drank it. Then he prayed. "Emperor, if you can hear me, help me to understand. I don't know why this would happen, or why you would choose to communicate with me. I am just a humble servant, and there are far better men in my squad than me. I was even moved to Ordo Xenos because they felt it would be a better fit for me, and I was reassigned to a kill team." Battle Brother Marcus said, his eyes, feeling different than normal. This emotion was new to him. He hadn't felt it, since the last time he was on Terra."I am not sure if this is real or some trickery of the warp or eldar, but please guide my hands, my heart, and my soul." Battle Brother Marcus said. "Give me Wisdom." He Prayed. The child walked over and tapped him on the shoulder and pointed upstairs to the guardsman who had a book, and the wife who had what looked like a bottle of some liquid, that was less than half full. 'THE PLACE YOU ARE IN, IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS NORTH AMERICA, IN THE COUNTRY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, IN A STATE CALLED VIRGINIA. IT IS 530 IN THE MORNING. I WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT I AM THE EMPEROR BY GIVING YOU A GIFT' the voice thrummed in his head "What gift?" Brother Marcus asked in a meek voice, that if his fellow kill team members heard, they would likely mock him. 'UNDERSTANDING' The voice thrummed and the headache subsided, and suddenly the gibberish the guardsman was speaking- became clear.
>>32499041Dis gon be good.
>>32499162I hope it's the good Oy Vey.>>32499204I shall Try>>32499041"Hey Mister. I don't know if you can hear me but I like space marines the best, my dad painted the salamanders colors, because I like the Salamanders the most he painted the Imperial guard for Mommy because she likes them the most because dad was in the army." The child said, which came out clear first. The man and women seemed like they had been fighting. "I just don't get it Kyle. First you find out that your contract had been cut, so you go to work as manager of the game store, so we can have a nice normal life- now you want to move again for another contract that has come up with Academi, and tonight after finding this out-- a space marine lands in our basement after it literally appears in our living room from out of nowhere." The woman says in a bit of a huff "How can this day get any stranger.""Well, the Space Marine down there, could have fired upon us. I could have given a clear cut answer to the guys there. Hell we could have called the cops. I don't know Sarah I am just trying to be kind of positive in this strange situation." The man- Kyle? Said. "You like the Salamanders?" Battle Brother Marcus said, causing the couple to stop speaking entirely. "Yeah!" The child responded excitedly. "My Team Captain is a Salamander. One of my best friends." Brother Marcus said causing the child to smile. "What Chapter am I from?" Marcus asked the Child. "You are from the Raven Guard! Your dad's favorite chapter! He likes the space sharks the most." The child says. "Ah. And what's your name?" Marcus asked. "It's Ed. My dad said it was after one of his buddies who died. He said Ed was a hero." The child said. "May I talk with your parents really quick Ed?" Battle Brother Marcus said causing Ed to shake his head and step up the stairs."And when did you learn English?! I didn't know space marines could do that." The man said. "Neither did I." Marcus said.
>>32499439Strictly speaking they're called Watch-Captains.Otherwise, continue.
Anon demands more of this excellent writefaggotry
>>32499478Hey, it's a child speaking, not some basement dwelling cultist of Nurgle.
>>32496280>>32496745>>32497185>>32497661>>32497823>>32498036>>32498315>>32498708>>32499041>>32499439Shit like this is why I come to /tg/
>>32499792Marcus said that line though.I'd figure he'd know his CO's title.
>>32499792>>32499803Maybe he was simplifying it for someone who wasn't in the military, and a child at that? A kid would know what a team is.
>>32499803Maybe he thought 'team captain' is easier term for a child to understand than 'Watch Captain,' since he wouldnt expect the child to know details of the Deathwatch... well maybe.
>>32499439>>32499478DOH! I knew something was wrong. Anyways, I got a bit more ready to go, but I am getting tired. Since there is interest. >>32499439"Well, Mister Space Marine, I am Sergeant Kyle Connors, US Army 101st Airborne, retired, and this is my lovely wife Sarah." He said holding out his hand. Battle Brother Marcus, quickly took the hand and gave it a firm shake. "Brother Marcus Kaiser." He said quickly. "I don't think I can get up these stairs." Brother Marcus said causing Sarah to giggle a little. "I will get something more than water to drink, I think a nice peaty scotch is appropriate, you two soldiers talk." She said walking up the stairs muttering "this is probably just a dream""I am sure you have more than a few questions, as I myself have a few. I will try to answer them to the best of my ability. However, the next part is going to shock you quite a bit." Kyle said in a reasonable tone. "Well, it can be no more shocking than being transported to a planet I have only visited once in my life, in, what year is it?" The space marine asked in a curious tone "It's currently 2014." Kyle said causing brother Marcus to go silent. "There is so much I could do now. So much I can prevent. By the Emperor, I can warn the Emperor himself of Horus and--" Kyle put up a hand. "You see, here is the problem. In the timeline we are in now- everything. The Imperium, the Emperor, the universe you knew it- is a fiction. Hell I have my great library here of just about every book on the universe you know." Kyle said handing a small tome with the words 'CODEX: SPACE MARINES' "Right now everything you know is a board game played by various people all over the world known as 'Warhammer 40k' and published and owned by a company called Games Workshop" Kyle said.Marcus felt a pulse in his head. The Headache returned 'PAY ATTENTION MY CHILD' the voice said returning strong as before.
PLOT TWISTMARCUS IS THE EMPEROR
>>32499993Pretty much yeah.
>>32495699Greeks. Romans were into regular assfucking.
>>32496242> Not wanting a Dark EldarAll you have to do is whip out your BDSM gear and tomato juice. They'll love you forever.If you get Hesperax, break out the milk and cat ears
>>32499794>>32499867>>32499792>>32499542Thanks. I didn't know much about the Death Watch but I like the concept. So I made Brother Marcus on a Death Watch Kill Team.>>32499912"They are like headquartered in England, though they have big events in the US, one is coming up soon... OWWW!" The man said falling to the ground grasping his head to the point of almost screaming. The woman ran down the stairs quickly "Shit, just the time to have a cluster headache. Damn it." Kyle said meekly. "No, Wait." 'GOOD. NOW YOU BOTH CAN HEAR ME.' the voice thrummed in both of their minds as the woman put down a bottle near the two of them and grabbed Kyle's hand. 'YOU TWO WILL TRAVEL TOGETHER, AND FIND ME. YOU WILL KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME. THERE ARE OTHERS FROM OUT OF THIS TIME, OTHERS THAT ARE NOT HUMAN. YOU MUST STOP THEM BROTHER MARCUS. YOU MUST FIND ME.' Several images flashed in the mind of Brother Marcus as he grasped his head. "So I was not the only one who heard something that sounded like seven tons of C-4 going off in their head." Kyle said, his hands shaking holding on to the bottle of scotch. "No. That was clearly for the both of us." Brother Marcus said. "Honey, what happened." The woman said. "Well, either we are both going completely mental, or the Emperor of mankind just talked to me." Kyle said. "I would not call either of you foolish if you believed the former over the latter. However, if there are foul Xenos here, and now- it could be disastrous." Brother Marcus said to Kyle who passed the bottle of scotch. "Explain." Sarah said."The Eldar that were my quarry were of the kind from Commorragh. Their communications methodologies, have not changed and would be similar in the current time period and their technology is sufficiently advanced. In short: while I may not be able to contact the imperial fleet- they possibly can contact a craftworld or worse." Brother Marcus said, causing Sarah to grab the Scotch bottle and down it.
>>32493850>LamentersHug the poor soul. Promptly get murdered.
>>32500087Weren't craftworlds just trading ships around that time?
I show him my marine collection, he'll probably be impressed.
>>32500121Maybe he doesn't know that? It's been an awefully long time and technology is heresy, something tells me the Imperium are no great historians.
>>32500155I didn't claim he would, I'm just thinking craftworlds would hardly be a big deal.
>>32500155Either way, the Eldar contacting the rest of their race would be bad news.
At least he'll be reasonable.I think I escaped anything terrible here.
>>32500190Reasonable as in:>>32494622
>>32500207Wrong chapter, fucknugget.
>>32500087>inb4 the Emperor is Matt Ward
>>32498120I'd just scream at him in my badman voice about being the night. Most likely he wouldn't kill me right away.
>>32500238>no trenchcoats>no hats>no goatee>no mustache twirling cartoon villain anticsPretty sure the Emperor is not Matt Ward.
>>32500183Didn't they already know of the mon-keigh, since the Old Ones made them?
>>32500276>badmanHilarious typo. The other picture I considered posting was Michael Jackson.
>>32500294Sure, but why give them reason to show up?
>>32500087"Welp. They will be easy to find." Kyle said jokingly. "The Eldar, are cruel capricious race of survivalist who live to be thousands of years old that dedicate their entire lives to fighting." Brother Marcus said in a serious tone. "The quarry I tracked was specialized in manipulation and deception as well as stealth. Also disemboweling their enemy to create sick forms of art. I would like to know how you believe finding them would be easy." Brother Marcus said with the seriousness of a combat veteran in his voice."One word." Kyle said in a serious tone pulling out a small device from his pocket and showing a message "Facebook." The message read 'Strange larper/cosplayer destroys car in Virginia town, flees scene" The picture looked incredibly similar to the Witch he shot off the Jet Bike, but not the same. "Well. That, actually simplifies things incredibly." Brother Marcus said. "It looks like one of the ones i was hunting." Brother Marcus said. "Alright, we hop in my truck and we go looking for it I guess." Kyle said shrugging, causing Sarah to look over. "You're going to go hunting for a Dark Eldar?" Sarah said."Yes""Like some sort of Deer or Boar.""Yes.""You just heard all the stuff the Death Watch Marine said- and you are going to go hunting for it." "Well, it's not like we have much a choice. Hopefully they can't dodge a bullet from a rifle right?" Kyle asked to Marcus who shook his head "Not if it's well aimed." The Battle Brother said. "See Sarah! Not if it is well aimed. And I went to Sniper School. We will be fine." Kyle said. "The Emperor shall preserve us." Marcus said."Well, I can't stop you. If I call the police they wouldn't believe me anyways." Sarah said."Sergeant Kyle. I cannot in good conscious ask for you to come with me, I can track the foul Xenos on my own." Brother Marcus said. "Well that's good because I wasn't going to ask." Kyle said causing Brother Marcus to nod.To Be Continued
>>32500428when to be continued anon!
>>32500500Nice Dub Trips. And I need sleep. It's 0600 here, and if enough people ask, I shall but I can always post it as write faggotry tomorrow on here. Hopefully someone screencaps or archives the story. Hell it would make for a nice quest thread.
>>32493850Imperial Fists huh..I show him my giant boxes of legoes, that will keep him preoccupied for at least a year or two while I figure out what to doand I can sell the kickass giant fortified castle complete with working artillery on ebay
>>32500517thank you anon!
>>32500517>Hell it would make for a nice quest thread.Please no
>>32497661>>32498036>>32498315>>32498708>>32499041>>32499439>>32499912>>32500087>>32500428This needs a screen shot collection. Or an Archive. Or some Drawfaggotry.
>>32500570I am sleep deprived I don't always make the best decisions while sleep deprived. Anyways, someone will probably archive this or whatever, and I will start back up again after I wake up.
It had been fifty years. He'd arrived inside that apartment, fully equipped, ready to plunge into the warp and push back the forces of Chaos. He would never have expected to be sent back, to a primitive Earth so far in the past. The technology had scared him. The inhabitants had scared him. But that was all first impressions, before he had come to an important conclusion: they were human, just as he was.They had held him at first, taught him the primitive languages that they spoke, took his lasgun and torn it apart, reverse engineering the mechanics behind it. Despite all of their claims of it being a marvelous weapon, he was ambivalent. But as his time went on, he felt less and less conflicted about the world around him.War still existed, famine still existed, disease still existed. But it was not wars that decided the fate of humanity. It was not a disease that ate away at the soul as well as the body. It was not a famine that threatened the lives of trillions.The scale back in size, the less frantic pace of the world around him... it set him at ease. He was capable of stopping, looking, seeing what was around him. And even though it was still a terrible place, it was livable. At least... he had thought it was.In a town down by a fogy grey shore, a man stands, reading the news. His eyes were focused upon the page, a look of horror overtaking his face as he reads.>First successful attempts at creating seed AI>Advances in robotics put technology forward by nearly a century"Bloody hell." The words came out, a foreign accent that was unplaceable, completely indecipherable. It was an alien accent from an alien man. A man that knew what the future held. A man that had heard ghost stories, 38 millennia hence, of the Dark Age of Technology, and the reign of the Men of Iron."Love? Come inside! You'll catch a dreadful cold.""Not now, dear." Sergeant Olicanthus -- no, no longer a sergeant. Or perhaps, not yet to become one.(cont)
>>32500677dis gon be gud
>>32500677"In fact... Marjory, I'm going to pop out for a bit. I'll be around before dinner.""... Alright. Bring me back a magazine while you're out, Cyrus!"The technology which was going to revolutionize mankind would also destroy it. He knew that before that happened, he should be the one to silence this age of false enlightenment. The addresses were marked in the article, he just needed to get there.The AI development center was easy enough to find, believe it or not. The military was guarding the facility, but it was an easy enough ting to rig a distraction. An overcharged cell, a well-placed jeep, and he was inside the perimeter.He walked into the main building. He no longer cared about evading the cameras. A guard turned towards him, but it was too little, too late. The Imperial Guard was merely normal by its own standards, but it seemed like even elite soldiers were below him. Perhaps he was right, or perhaps he was riding the rush from having a lasgun in his hands after all this time.Regardless, he continued on. The alarm blared, he could hear footsteps as he neared the center of the complex. He felt ever closer to victory, ever closer to succeeding in his mad, desperate plan.It was at that point that a sharp pain spread through his back.
>>32500835He'd been close. He didn't know how. But something had told him that the door in front of him was his objective. It didn't matter if he'd suddenly collapsed, he would get into that room, he would turn away the apocalypse. The former guardsman pressed forward, training and conditioning having him push through the pain. He knew that he was bleeding on the floor, as the steps drew ever closer. The one who had shot him would be spited... he had to.It was then that a face filled his vision. An effeminate face, inhumanly smooth. Its eyes glared down at him, a sleek weapon like a spur of bone hanging out of the stranger's hand. The stranger sighed. And then they spoke.They spoke in High Gothic."Mon-keigh never were ones for subtlety. Looks like I have to act faster than I thought."As the alien stood, Cyrus clutched the lasgun under him, desperately trying to draw it up, trying to aim it at the stranger.His scope was crawling towards the inhuman face, when a wraithbone bullet pierced his skull.The truth of what happened at that facility had been destroyed. The facility, its guards, the scientists, and all trace of work had disappeared overnight. Despite the hiccups, things moved according to plan.
>>32500814'E's a Guardsman, git.
>direct him to the nearest gay pride parade
>>32501375emperor bless /pol/
>>32495423armor so poorly maintained.
>>32500296>na na na na FATMAN
>Black TemplarsI'm dead, simple as that.
>Imperial FistPut my hands up to show I'm not a threat, repeat "Terra" and "Imperator", and when the initial "I've just been teleported" confusion fades, go reheat some chicken wings for him. Try to communicate to him that he should stop cutting himself in my house, the blood is starting to singe my carpet.Toss the handful of unpainted Tau figs in my desk drawer later. I sure hope he doesn't hear the beeping microwave and brain me to stop a possible bomb going off.
>>32493850Well, he's a Space Marine from a DIY Chapter ... so, I probably get my brain eaten so he can get up to date intelligence on the area, linguistics, and social norms. At that point, I am dead, so further speculation regarding his actions are rather moot.
>>32505837I should rephrase that. I'll toss the Tau figs (which are currently in my drawer) the fuck away asap.Does anyone actually have some contingencies for shit like this? For example, while I love the Chaos Star, I'll never get it as a tattoo for fear of the day I turn on the news and see that an Imperial flagship has appeared in the solar system.I also think a lot on being randomly teleported into the past, so I carry a small survival kit whenever I go out. Binoculars, a knife, a small notebook and pen. I should add a water bottle to it.
The stink of the trench invaded the gasmask pulled tight across Reiter's face, his eyes narrowing as he looked across the deadlands, the place where the Orks were to be massing another attack from.Unlimbering his lasgun he readied the charge, the rhythmic thumping of Ork feet, the shouting of their guttural language. He felt his mouth go dry, "Wait until they are in range!", he shouted at the other men.A fizzling light popped in the corner of his eye and Reiter pulled the trigger, a loud yelp happened from a nearby figure and Reiter blanched. His dirty stained greatcoat still dribbled with runny watter, his boots covered in mud.But now he stood inside a house, warm and suffocating in it's heat, the smell was inviting, a meal had clearly been cooked a short time ago, the smell lingering. Then he spotted movement, like a trained soldier he brought the lasgun to his shoulder.The man on the floor, dressed in a pair of slack pants and a shirt, quickly made the sign of the Aquilla, bowing his head to his chest. He said something in a language that wasn't low gothic, "Where am I?", Reiter asked, the man glanced up. Once again he spoke, but Reiter didn't know his dialect.Tentatively the man spoke some more, a few words registering with Reiter, the schola training he had received as part of his officer course. He spoke swiftly in high gothic and the man seemed to acknowledge it, nodding his head swiftly.
>>32493850I was thinking of a Dark Angel.I don't know, but it could be fun.
>> Live on 3rd floor.... How did he get up the stairs....
>>32493850Well I was thinking of the Swarze Ritter, which were an original chapter do not steal based off of a blend of the Teutonic Knights and the Third Reich.So... fuck yeah. We conquer the world together.P.S. He may not speak English, but he definitely speaks Deutsch.
>>32506617(God, my German is rusty as hell, I can't even spell Schwarze anymore)
That bitch's a Space Marine. I'll just start talking to him in English and he'll learn that language with ease.
>>32506845Or he'll break your neck with two fingers and eat your brain to figure it out.
>Legion of the DamnedI would probably shit myself in terror
>>32506904From what I hear they're pretty bro-tier. They're also prone to showing up mysteriously in already-occuring battles, so you're probably already shitting yourself from whatever's going down at your house.
>>32506876He doesn't need to eat my brain silly, I'll just offer a part of my flesh.
>>32506977It's true, it doesn't have to be their brain. As long as it's part of the body, he could eat your fucking toenail and he'd learn how to speak English and that you have unparalleled knowledge about his universe.
>>32493850*CNN SPECIAL ALERT*
>>32495191How the hell does one make the sign of an Aquila? Flapping your wings?
>>32507841It might be a retarded question, but google finds nothing...did you just draw this?
>>32508393It is fucking beautiful anon
>>32507841>Stricter gunlaws/k/, is that you?
>>32508420>>32508455Thanks guys!>>32508522You caught me anon
>>32508414I can see now that the old one they had : the tap on the heart with a fist is a bit better.
>>32508393This is why I go on /tg/.
Based blood angel bro.Show him this picture and point him at russia
>>32507841How much ammo do mehreens carry? is it like a 100 clips?
>>32508927Realistically? Normal marines with standard bolters probably carry 6-8 mags, CQC marines with bolt pistols probably 4-5. Then again most art/models don't show them with more than one.
>>32493850Imperial FistsI hand him all of my 40k literature and the rulebook while I make him a sandwich, some chocolate milk, grab a warm blanket, and call an athropologist trained in psychotherapy.It's going to be a long night.
>>32510299>oh gosh, I hope he's not allergic or anything.He' too perfect for that
>>32501759Dude, they're Lamenters. That all happened on the way from the armory to the parade grounds.
>>32493850I'll ask if he wants to hang out. Alternatively I'll point him to Afghanistan.
>>32493850I have made a story of our planet visited by a super soldier and how everyone tries to get him but he fights them off due to his training and beliefs and thus takes the world with him as they then nuke him.Which now sounds like a ripoff of warhammer 40k
>>32510744Why would you point him to Afghanistan instead of somewhere that doesn't suck?
>>32494992>bringing a bolter to a firing range you'd get killed by the NFA SO fast
>>32493850>reasonable marinesI calm him down, teach him basic english, and then we go and be reasonable together as we remove heretics.
>>32510820Afghanistan's primary export is opium.
>>32510461I truly believe you're trolling, but incase you aren't: Those are Imperial Fists, not Lamentors. Not all yellow marines are the same dudes, you sweet potato.
if he's an ultramarine I would try to convince him to run as the 2016 republican nominee with me as his running mate
>>32511898Might finally get me to vote republican.
>>32512093Shit, that might convince me to start voting at all.
>>32511898Not native born US citizen
>>32501375>not GAYOS UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER.jpg
whelp im dead and so is a large part of the world population
>>32501759That is a painting of the imperial fists marching into a city they just reclaimed, probably minutes before.>>32510461>black clenched gauntlet symbols errywereThose are imperial fists.
I thought of Alpha LegionI laugh as I run from the second story to the third of my apartment complex
>>32515980Except, he's not stuck down there.You're stuck up there.
In retrospect this was probably a bad decision.
>>32516100But I have enough chaos shit in my place and enough time to scream chaos shit at him that I might live to be a cultistThen I can show my friends Al and form a warband in a noguns area
>>32493850>any marine whatsoeverHe immediately falls through the floor because my house is shit and not even remotely up to code, where he is then trapped in the basement with the broken sewer main that keeps backing up, because there's no fucking way he's getting up those rickety ass stairs.I imagine he will be pissed.I'll probably crack open a beer and laugh at him.
>>32516341Then he'd shoot you through the floorboards using your heat signature.
>>32516506I didn't say it was a good plan anon
>>32515980>Veteran of the Long War>Only 12 killsShittest Havoc ever.
>>32517023That's 12 kills *today*. With that gun. What, you think any Space Marine would keep *permanent* markings on their precious weapons, Chaos or not?
>>32517629Or it could be twelve 'important' kills. Like enemy warlords, loyalist captains/chaplains, etc.Although, that only marks how many he's killed with that particular weapon. You should see his penis.
>>32495996>Sister warps into your place>MFW as my house burns down around me and hearing her yell hymns and litanies about heresy and the Emperor.
>>32516149>>32516149could be worse. I picked night lords.
Literally just read that one Deathwatch story with one of them, so Sons of Antaeus.Since those guys average at like eight feet tall and up, he smashes head and shoulders through my ceiling and then falls through my floor. Since I doubt anything in my house would faze a normal marine, let alone the ones who can shrug off plasma blasts, what I would do is pray to the Emperor. Loudly
>>32493850>salamandersI guess I offer him food after I demonstrate how I made it on a grill, in an attempt to channel all of his innate desire to burn things into culinary arts.>>32495996>TauI offer him the one remaining Tau figure I kept for myself after selling all my 40k, try to communicate with him via paintings and doodles before attempting to learn his language and vice-versa. If I'm lucky it's a guy from the Water caste
>>32495996The question is can I spook a Necron with a Halloween costume?
>>32519838Yes. Spooky scary skellingtons send shivers down their spines.
>>32506332just some constructive criticism here bud, don't use the same adjective within a very short period. You had swiftly in the same sentence which just made it feel strange to read
>>32508782Russia is the closest thing we have to the Imperium of man today
>>32508782yes... yes... YES!
>>32495996>Necron CryptekI'm about to have my room turned into an impromptu lab, with me as the test subject
>>32495996>SeraphimNot sure how to feel about this. I mean I obviously show her that I worship the Emperor via Aquila and 'Ave Imperator' because I don't feel like dying. Then comes the endless charades and pictionary.
>Ahrimanshow him my liber chaotic and hope I live
I'm glad I thought of salamanders.
>>32493850>think of Reasonable MarinesThis is going to go better than expected.
Everyone I know and love is about to get raped and skinned while I'm forced to watchpls no
Make the sign of the aquilla and say "Hydra Dominatus". Show Alpharius a globe and let him have a run at Wikipedia while I go to class. Eventually the cults will start showing up, and I'll have a good laugh.
>>32520850Were you looking at those flags? Russia is clearly under the sway of a cult of Khorne.
>>32523137>Alpharius is Dr. Doom.Who knew? On the other hand, who's really surprised?
>>32493850I fucking hope these old occult books work.......
Iron Hands, I'm going to be a servitor at best or backhanded to death for wasting precious Mechanicum time.
>>32495996An Eldar or a Sister should be able to understand English. Gothic is essentially descended from Latin, meaning that if I speak Latin to the Sister she SHOULD understand it well enough to realize I'm as confused about the whole state of affairs as she is. Not sure how well she'd like Scotland, though.An Eldar would probably have no idea what was going on, and probably has the good sense not to murder me when I'm the only intelligent being in sight who might be able to tell them where they are.
he'd probably go heresy batshit insane on me, maybe the only thing that can save me is his chapter symbon hanging from my wall...
>>32526019>Not sure how well she'd like Scotland, though.You use that little communication possibilities that you have to tell her about a horrifying heretics who live not far from your. Tell her about the twisted schemes they weave, abominable stories they tell, words of heresy they speak. You guide her and direct her towards them. Because you know where they live.And you will show her the way. So that she can get to them. Can find them. Can kill them. Can get her vengeance. So, the Hunt for Scott and Matthew began.
>>32494154>Are playng vidya>Slaneeshi worshipeers and followers made so docile they become the incarnation of /v/ culture and a bit of neo /v/It'd be /lgbt//v/ combo.I'd totally play that nigga on mario kart, then take him to a Skillrex concert
>>32495996>Inquisitor warps into your placeStarts a revolution and a army based standard used in every countries military ever>>32495996>Guardsman warps into your placeTake him to the pub>>32495996>Eldar Warps into your placeSex...?>>32495996>Sister warps into your placePut her in fashionable nuns clothes and make her feel like a woman and give her shitloads of 40k fluff to take home>>32495996>Necron warps into your placeAsk him to take over the planet and turn us all into souless killer skellingtons>>32495996>Ork warps into your placeStart up a warband and remove kebab>>32495996>Tau Warps into your placeShow him first hand how his GREATER GHUD works by introducing him to liberals.>>32496031>>32496031>>Tyranids Warp into my houseI either die or house train it.Or use bugspray.
>>32493850I really hope not!Alpharius doesn't kill me and successfully steal my place in life despite being over twice my size.
>>32493850>Howling Griffons, Ultramarine successors with from a medieval world.>can banish daemons with psychic screeches. I first make the sign of the Aquila, if he doesn't smite me immediately, i would then show him my love of birds, attempt to teach english, then step forth and conquer for the glory of the Emperor.
>>32507841Now we need A Slaanesh worshiper taken to a Gay pride parade.Or Doom rider at gay pride
>>32526591"HAAAAATERS... "*gets slapped with purity seals and dove shit*
>>32494622You're sure it doesn't say "Barrack Obama is a transparisteel leg hopping maniac"?
>>32526612>Calls Slaanesh to this world>SJWs and femeniems praise in joy as gender literally becomes binary and everyone knows pronouns and everyday life becomes a porn comic>Furaffinity and Deviant art makes up almost half the internet therein>Slaanesh becomes srtong enough to fuck Khorne, much to his displeasure>All is lost, but at least we can live in a world where no-one has small dick or big dick problems anymore, and also all the fetishes that are impractically impossible are now possible, meaning no fetish can be belittled anymore.>Dobson is now a Daemon prince who owns an inflatable castle umade of slaves he's inflated with his dread purple bear bald powers>My little pony becomes real, and the bronies that accompany them become A hellish Slaneeshian cavalry that rapes the Imperium tenfold like the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse but theres no fire, just inexplicable fluids beign ridden on, as the sky is blotted out by terrible OC's
>>32526688>The sky fills with alluring vapors and rains semen.>Ron Jeremy ascends to Daemonhood, to forever sell his secrets of sexual prowess to those brave enough to approach him.>Charlie Sheen becomes the daemon prince of C-C-C-COCAIN.>Every neckbeard, pervert, and person with OCD revels in joy. but the joy ends when our insanity spawns a rival chaos god, then it descends into eternal war with dildo-forged weaponry
>>32526765I assume that god is the classy fetishist who gives you the slaanesh deal but without the FREE ALL FETISH HACK PACKAGE and lets you savour that shit like fine wine as you slowly run through the motions>>32526765>>Ron Jeremy ascends to Daemonhood, to forever sell his secrets of sexual prowess to those brave enough to approach him.>Ron Jeremy as a Daemon>Que sisters of battle making saves against fear when they see his memberAlso, I used grabber to get almost all the Slaanesh porn ever.Tell the fucks on /tg/ drawthreads they need to update their booru versions if I ever hope to amass anything close to a gallery.>We make our own webway of porn>You have to fap to travel
>>32526810>Playboy mansion is upgraded into a massive dreanaught things>Hollywood becomes a sentient planet powered by abused children and Keanu reeves suffering.