http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Neckbeard%20QuestPrevious threadsIf you wish to switch character files, even number must simply suggest PAUSE, FILE SELECT. You may second even numbers in hopes your post lands an even number.-----Dog has joined your party!>Ah yes - the cute dog is the stitch>With which I'll sew the heart up of the bitch!
>Forsooth, what passing vision sweeps away the moonlight in its wake! Methinks it is the day, the sun has dawned, for she outshines the moon. >What fools we mortals be, too trapped in restless contemplation to let the star-bewitched air invigorate our hearts - friendly beast! >Get thee upon thy belly, and bark most cutely!
>Fuckin do eet. NOW COME THE BITCHES!You are now the dog.You ran up to the elf jogger and did a cute bark, it stopped her in her tracks.But that isn't enough. Quick dog, do something cute!
>>32613903Do a barrel roll
>>32613903Give her the puppy eyes
>our two main motivations are regrowing our hand and bitches>this is what we're gonna become
Rolled 4>>32614064You gave the elf puppy eyes.1. She falls for it and pets you2. She ignores you and jogs on3. She feeds you a doggie treat4. She starts a puppy-eye off with her own dog5. She feeds you chocolate6. She picks you up and runs off with you
>>32614350Things are about to get cute
"Oh, I see how it is!""Go get'em, Betsy!"
Shit, how are you going to beat that?!
>>32614504Seduce her bitch.
>>32614523Bounce around in a cheerful manner.
>>32614523Roll on your back, hang your tongue out AND give the puppy eyes!
>>32614524>>32614546You seduce the bitch
But the bitch seduces back!
>>32614739Fall for each other!
>>32614739Fall in love and become a cute couple.
>>32614768"B... Betsy? Betsy, knock it off!"You are now Anonymous again.
>>32614844Approach the elf and ask her what is going on with your respective dog
>>32614844Ask the elf what's happening.
>>32614844"I think they like each other."
>>32614699>>32614739>>32614844Holy shit I am literally dying over here1000 InternetsGo up to her and make the puppy dog eyes! It worked for Jimmy the dog.
>>32614844walk up, look at the dogs. look at her. look at the dogs again. then try to giver her puppy dog eyes
>>32614866>>32614868You ran up to the elf and asked:>.. What's going on with my dog?"I.. I don't know! I challenged him to a puppy-eye off with my own dog and it just escalated!""I'm so sorry!"
>>32615744Attempt to seduce the elf
>>32615744Seduce the elf.
>>32615831>>32615881This, but wear sunglasses first before seducing her.
>>32615744"I know a few ways you could make it up to me......Wink wink"
>>32615744"I don't know, they make a cute couple."
>>32616536>I know a few ways you could make it up to me...WINK WINK[CUTSCENE]
"I guess I can start by getting my dog away from yours-"
>>32617040fuck you weren't supposed to actually wink wink, you were just supposed to say wink winkthat's why it's still in the quotes!
"Well then! What do you think I can do to make it up for you?"[END]
>>32617159END?WHY END WHEN WE ARE SO CLOSE
>>32617159Use your elf magic to make my arm workthe one that's stapled on
>>32617159Ask her for a magic arm.
>>32617244Just the end of the cutscene.
>>32617159They seem to be having fun. Wanna try?
>>32617159Bang the elf.
>>32618606"A magic arm? But don't you have an arm alrea-"
"- Oooh!""I see. You're on prosthetic."
"Sure, I can help you with that! But I can't do it out in the open, or I'll get arrested for practice without license.""Here, this way."The elf leads you away from your dog companion, toward a more shadier part of the park. Do you carry on and follow her?
>>32621657This is sounds totally legit and not at all suspicious. Follow her
>>32621657Like getting in a poorly repainted van for free candy.
>>32621657Go with the nice elf.
>>32621657OF COURSE!!! WE'RE TRYING TO BANG HER!!
>>32621657Certainly this kind elf knows what she's doing. Carry on.
"Here will do.""I will need you to remove your coat, it might get in the way of my magic."Comply?
>>32622092Sure. I don't see anything wrong with this situation.
>>32622092Sure, it's not like we are naked, with a nail attached to our arm and a message written in blood on our chest.
You slipped off your trench coat.>Like this?>Make it quick, it's pretty cold out here.
>>32622470oh god the eyes aren't in the thumbnail
>>32622516You must be running a pretty low resolution.
>>32622470Seduce the elf.
>>32622470Get a boner.
>>32622470This seems really off. Freak out.
>>32622470Rape her. She's an elf. It isn't really rape.
>>32622516What are you going on abou-
>>32622899Seduce untimly demise
>>32622899POUNCE!!! SHE'S IN HEAT!! SHE WANTS THE D!!!
>>32622899Say high to death, give him the usual bribe and continue on your day
>>32622931Told ya. She likes to be on top I guess.
>>32622899I mean my resolution is really low and unless I open the picture her face is just a blob of shadow. Only upon opening it do I see the red dots.
"ehEHEHEH""YOU JUST MADE MY JOB EASIER"
>>32622931Seduce the demon.
>>32622956SHE'S IN SUPER HEAT!!! FUCK HER TILL SHE'S SORE!!
>>32622970It's what we're truly equipped for!
>>32622956Take off your loose arm and give it to her from the behind.
>>32622894I would like to point out that she's had horns and a tail for some time now. I'm pretty sure it's not an elf and i'm not sure about demon-rape.
>>32623004That's old news. Wants important is she definitely wants to have sex.
>>32622956Make sure to have anal only!
>>32622956This guy >>32623047 knows what's up.
>>32622956suck succubus butt
>>32623047>Implying that would stop anything
>>32623108Also known as succubutt.
>>32622970"Erect already? What an eager whore you are!""Of course, I'm not different, but I'm not the one in only a trenchcoat, flaunting his body around early in the morning.."
>>32623312"Yes my darling?"
>>32623312You know, we were trying to fuck you, anyway. Why not enjoy ourselves?If the sex is good enough, we might even give you our soul in exchange for a new arm.
"NOW PREPARE FOR A ROUGH FUCKING"
>>32623348holy shit we're actually gonna succeed here where we failed with beardstrosity
>Be the dog>Skip ahead of time
>>32623367Be the dog.
>>32623367PAUSE, FILE SELECTNECKBEARD
>>32623367Be the dog. We need to make sure everyone is getting laid.
>>32623367>Be the dogWe're the dog.
>>32623367Headless body of Torpedo Asshole.
>>32623374>>32623398You are now DOG. You have just slain a hell hound, a beast that took form of what you thought was a nice bitch.
>>32623644Check on weird bro.
>>32623644Devour the body.
>>32623644We must go save our new master.
>>32623644>>32623696Friendly man may be in danger. Summon a being made of sand.
>>32623644Eat the hellhound.
>>32623644destroy heart of hellhound just to be sure
>>32623644I see that DOG is the new Garrush.I approve immensely.
>>32623738You downed as much hellhound meat as you could, your health recovers and your hunger fills completely. Too bad you aren't an angel who can down this stuff easy.
>>32623696>>32623716>>32623728Your new friend is probably in danger right now! But you were too busy killing that canine demon that you didn't see where he went.Where do you start looking?
>>32623989mark the hellhound as your own
>>32624013To the south! Near that big tree!
>>32623989Piss on the remains.
>>32624013Smell for him.
>>32624013try to smell marinara sauce to track him down
>>32624013SNIFF HIM OUT!!
>>32624020You left your mark on the hellhound's carcass.>>32624028There's nobody at this big tree.>>32624128Instead of marinara sauce, you smell a scent of a now decomposing, decapitated arm. However, this is hard to track with a scent of a dead hellhound and various other dog markings mixing in with it.
>>32624194Eat shit and chase your tail.
>>32624236And so you did.
>>32624194explore over to the north side of the pathway
>>32624194Try to track the scent of decomposing flesh anyway.
>>32624306Explore to the east!
>>32624322>>32624426You head northeast.
>>32624725Those trees look kind of ominous. Head northwest.
>>32624725Mark the trees. This park shall be yours!
>>32624768Are you sure those are trees rather than chasms which lead to the abyssal depths from which the hellapawn came?
>>32624768You head northwest.>>32624784You left your mark on the leafless trees before going northwest.
>>32625046Go check those dog like things in the north. None shall invade your park!
>>32625046Is that a dog with a bord in the north? Try to sneak up on them and observe them for demonic traits
>>32625094It's a hellduck and another hellhound. Didn't take too long for them to notice you. They're staring at you.
>>32625464>HellduckGuys we might not want to fuck with that ducknormal ducks are the purest form of evil cant imagine how bad a hellduck is
>>32625578But can we fuck the duck?
>>32625594No man, the duck fucks YOU
>>32625464You guys seen a friendly trenchcoat man around here? Communicate this with whatever dog-language is.
>>32625464WE DON'T HAVE TIME! Luckily it's not a hellgoose! I have geese, ducks, and swans compared like so:swans = angelsducks = humansgeese = demons
>>32625504You attempt to seduce the duo.
But Hellhound has intimidated back!BATTLE INSTIGATED
It's your move.
>>32626248Special: Sonic Bark
>>32626248Bite hellhound. Go for the eyes.If there are eyes. I'm not entirely sure.
>>32626248http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo5clq9-zIwUse BARK FURIOUSLY to lower their defenses!
>>32626352You BARK FURIOUSLY and lowered their defenses by x2!
It is still your turn.
>>32626523Our bite is worse than our bark! Bite bite bite!
>>32626523Bite, go for the throat!
>>32626523Bite the hell duck.
>>32626523Bite Hellduck and toss it into Helldog
>>32626523Summon Dog Friends and combine for maximum combat ability
Rolled 28 + 20>>32626562>>32626568>>32626620>>32626644You took a bite out of HELLDUCK!Accumulating damage.
Rolled 25>>32626745Whoopsie, I messed that up! Re-accumulating.
It is now your opponents turn.
HELLDUCK proceeds to instill fear!Your defense goes down 2x.
Rolled 62HELLHOUND napes your neck!Accumulating damage.
HELLDUCK bleeds out 10 HP.It is now your turn.
>>32627062For the love of god flee or use healing genital lick
>>32627062Run for you life!
>>32627062Call for help.
>>32627062LIKE ZOIKS SCOOBS! YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE! (also wonder who scoobs is)
>>32627173Please stop. The thread is not about you.
>>32627062Summon your sword and.... CLEAVE THE EVIL!!!
Don't die on me yet Beardy.
Unlock status-effect power.
>>32627062I think we need to high-tail it out of there without paws. Clearly this guy is top dog; we're just a young pup learning what a dog-eat-dog world it is out there. We ought to avoid the dogged pursuit of this cur, and also a pun about ducks, something with bills.
>>32631623>and also a pun about ducks, something with bills.Fucking lost it.
>>32627062I think we might be fucked.
Teli, come back.
>>32627170You called for the nearest help.
Anonymous has joined your party! It's still your turn.
>>32635088>>Anon: grab the hellduck then beat helldog with it.
>>32635088Summon your Stand and go Oraora on those fuckers!
>>32635088Pray to Pelor to to help smite our enemies
Rolled 2>>32635142HELLDUCK is having none of that! Rolling for grapple success.
>>32635156DOG summons his stand!
Rolled 82, 51 = 133ANONYMOUS goes ORAORA on the demon duo!Accumulating damage + 20 def-.
Dog bleeds out 10 HP.It is your opponents turn now.
>>32635694aw shit we're deadpoor doge
>>32635694The dog cannot die!
>>32635694Use the Forbidden Technique of your people and eviscerate them!
>>32635694Attempt to stop the dogs bleeding
>>32635694Damn that duck. Damn him.Doge Technique: Very Death! Much Toothy! So Bite! wow(Too bad it's their turn)
Rolled 53, 37 = 90HELLDUCK uses EAR-PIERCING QUACK on Anonymous, breaking his eardrums! He now bleeds and is deafened.HELLHOUND uses CLAW SWIPE on Dog!Accumulating damage.
>>32635896You cannot die yet god, your work isnt done yet
Hellduck bleeds 10HP.Dog has fallen.It is your turn now.
>>32635946Run the fuck awayYou ain't dying for some lame dog.
>>32635946Cram the duck into the dogs mouth then suplex the both of them
Rolled 19>>32635946Unleash the forbidden technique of IMAGINATION.Cut out the fourth wall and bash a hellhound with it.
>>32635946Reveal your true identity as.... ANGRY MARINE!!!!
>>32635988ANONYMOUS has fled.You were defeated. You lose no money or items, as you are a dog and have nothing to store those things in.
>>32636071>PAUSE, FILE SELECTOur MC is pretty much beyond of help...
>>32636071Make a contract and become a magical pooch.
>>32636488What did you just do.
>>32636510We were defeated, which means it's time to gain more power.It's one of those games where the first battle is a complete rout, but the plot continues even if you lose. Then, you later face the same enemies on an actual even footing.
>>32636488There's no one in the vicinity to make a contract with.
There's really nothing you can do now.
>>32637488Shit man... Restart the game...
Oh boy, what a night.It is currently 11:30 AM, temperatures are at 35F. Your neighbor's arm is missing. You also feel incredibly weak, thirsty and hungry, like some of your life force was drained.
>>32637533Shit man.... read the fudging note.
>>32637533Read note fine clothes.
>>32637533Doesn't matter, you scored. Congratulations!Also read that note.
>>32637781Well we better get dressed and eat something.
>>32637781We should rest upMaybe eat a big mealSteak and eggsAlso call our neighbor over so we can make it up to him for severing his arm with a door
>>32637781Shit... that goes our arm... We need to get a new arm or trying to learn kung fu from watching old kung fu movie One Armed Boxer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g4Su0sY5nw
>>32637781Attempt to contain massive boner at the thought of having her over.Fail.
>>32637781Go find our missing dogbro - whatever just happened, good or bad, it would've been impossible without his sweet moves. He needs to be thanked, berated, or both.
>>32639762We could convert the dogbro's carcass into an arm using the secret forbidden ritual.
>>32639839Becoming man's best friend a left arm.
>>3263753335 Fahrenheit? That's just two degrees above freezing.>>32637781It's fucking cold out. Is the coat nearby?
>>32637870There is nothing around you can eat.You retrieve your coat that was hanging from a tree branch.You still feel really, really cold.
>>32641589Look for the dog.
>>32639762Oh yeah, where is dogbro? Probably still with his cute new dog gf.
>>32641607Look at the cursed woods behind you
>>32641607Probably being raped by a duck. Follow the sound of victorious quacking.
>>32641607Wander the park, whistling for dogbro. Recite Shakespeare if that seems to be the thing he relates to.
>>32641894QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
>>32641607Find a cafe or a bar or something and obtain food.
>>32641894That's silly. All the ducks and geese migrated south for the winter.
>>32641908You wander back to where you have met the elf jogger, whistling and reciting Shakespeare.No answer.
>>32643599Use your nose to find him.
>>32643599... hm. He probably went home then. Let go find a job. We need some money for later.
Rolled 4>>32643730You have decided to look for food. Starting for closest from farthest:1. Bar2. Convenience store3. Home4. Your neighbors house
>>32643928You made it to your neighbor's post. The door is locked.How do you get in?
>>32644041Kick it down.
>>32644041Ring the doorbell.
>>32644086You attempt to kick it down. Due to being weak and hungry, it was in vain.>>32644098There are no doorbells in this thread.
>>32644208Just eat in our place.
>>32644208Lick the doorknob.
>>32644208Drink the blood from our door and gain power.
>>32644292You lap up at the dry blood at your door. Nothing happens.
>>32644497Go inside, eat leftovers or something.
>>32644250Your current kitchen inventory:1lb bacon1 loaf bread9 eggsThree apples1 carton of milk1 bunch of bananas2lb ground beefAn orangeBaking powder and sodaBox of saltBox of pepperBottle of honey1 bag of sugar1 bag of flour1 box of spaghetti noodlesAnd a candy bar
>>32644525.25lb bacon, 3 eggs, and 4 pieces of bread.Grab a banana to eat while we cook.
>>32644525>>32644563 makes sense
>>32644525Scramble some eggs, season with salt and pepper. Put honey on top.
>>32644525Eat yo fruits boy.
>>32645126You scrambled three eggs, seasoned with salt and pepper, and served it with honey on top.>>32645144You ate an apple and banana as the side.Your post is cold from leaving your bedroom window open. You are surprised nobody has raided your opened home yet.
>>32645496Spend five minutes waving our dick out the window and then close the window. Make sure to first remove our dick from the window frame before closing it.
>>32645496Search the entire house for robot arm parts.
>>32645496Close window and lock it, take a shower.
>>32645496Save game on file 2. Load file 1.
>>32645496Close the window. Find porn to fap to.
>>32645496Curse the lord Mootykins for daring to allow your post to grow cold. Damn his name and renounce your god. Maybe he'll 'curse' you with vampirism.
>>32645718You curse the king, all while you stuff a banana in your mouth.
>>32645582>>32645540Then you close the window and go off to search for robot porn parts.
Where does your search begin?
>>32646234You head into your bedroom
>>32646330Check beneath the bed with trepidation.
>>32646330Man, eff this noise. Make missing posters for dogbro. Since you have no pictures, go to a Drawthread and try to get a friendly artist to do a mock-up based on your excellent description.
>>32646382You check your closet
>>32646510Open the boxes.
>>32646510Rifle through the pockets of outfits looking for change.
>>32646510Open fake wall in closet.
>Boxesinb4 dragon dildoes
>>32646622You open the boxes.Box 1 contains:A box fanA sega saturnA soccer ballA popcanOne of those nerf guns that you can hook an entire belt of nerf darts up to and it takes batteries and it's just like, rat-tat-tat-tat-tatThree dragon dildos, medium sizedBox 2:A snakeA stack of discarded how to draw manga booksA spooky dollBottle of mouthwashAnd a bamo plush dollBox 3:Filled with tenga eggs and onaholes
>>32647042Leave a trail of dragon dildos and onaholes from the door to our bed, like scattering rose petals for a lover.
>>32647042Pocket the tenga eggs and onaholes. We can probably trade them for a robo arm over in /g/.
>>32647042Grab fan, sega saturn, popcan [For raw metal], nerf guns, mouthwash [for cleaning], and leave the rest behind.
>>32647042Ah yeah, Nerf Vulcan. Add that to inventory.
Rolled 3>>32647087>>32647118>>32647137>>32647231All of these sound excellent. Seconding whatever this roll is.
>>32647042Do >>32647087 in preparation of the demon coming over.
>>32647118You pocket some of the tenga eggs and onaholes inside your trenchcoat for future bartering with /g/.>>32647274You take some more of the box 3 contents and leave a trail of onaholes from door to bed, leaving your dragon dildos on your bed.The time is now 12:47 PM, your Post is beginning to heat up some.
>>32647573Search apartment for secret passages. There's always a secret in the starting zone.
>>32647573Get some rest.
>>32647573Hit the showers.
>>32647573Practice The Ripple
>>32647642You head to bed.
>>32648002Oh shit, is she gonna smash our window?
>>32648002HOLY SHIT GET THE NERF GUN
>>32648002It's nothing, go back to sleep.
>>32648002Get upset she didn't follow our path of gifts
>>32648002Arm yourself with the sex toys! She can't suck your life-force if she never gets your dick!
>>32648002Motion her towards the front door. She's not getting in through the window.
>>32648002Dude, let her in. She's a fairy.
>>32648002Masturbate furiously and don't stop looking her in the eyes
>>32648199>>32648228This sounds reasonable.
>>32648144>>32648204You ready your nerfgun in your only hand, and prepared the dragon dildos."Oh, so NOW you're fighting back?"
"I hate it when they fight back."
>>32648663Pelt her with foam dildos. Then use your dragon dildo for close quarters sodomization.
>>32648663>>32648228>>32648265Stare and masturbate for a while, then motion her to the door.
>>32648726Voting for this. Tho /tg/ I think we are about to be kill, like that anon who tried to fuck a ghost. You know the one.
Thread's sinking. Time to ride it down to page 10.>captcha: rag/po/ properWe must defend ourselves with the power of papercraft and origami!
>>32649135Good thing I'm getting the next set of posts ready.
>>32649181I'm legitimately terrified.
>>32649181Drink Holy Water and Jizz on her eyes, that should work