Your party ends up on Fern Island.Fern island is comma shaped island about 100km north to south and 200km long. It is temperate in climate. The nearest other landmass is 1,600 km from fern island. Fern Island is covered in hills. The hills are covered in ferns. Ferns as far as the eye can see. Native animals include seagulls which eat fish, bugs that eat ferns, geckos that eat bugs and three species of native birds descended from seagulls: The fast predatory Falcon-Gull that eats Seagulls, the turkey sized flightless Greater Land-Gull which eats geckos, bugs, carrion, stuff that washes up on the shore, but mostly eats ferns and the the flightless fox sized Lesser Land-Gull, which preys on the Greater Land-Gull. Fern Island has a magic field which makes anyone who tries to teleport off of it only teleport half of themselves off of it. The rest remains on Fern Island.
>>32678291Alright you clowns, we got a lot to get going. We got to dig down, mine metal, make some bricks build some forges, forge the metal, make better tools, make a better forge, make some machines and then build a boat out to get off this island!
Lets start planting some trees and introducing invasive species.
>>32678291I teleport off the island!
>>32678499I punch some trees.
>>32678291I motion to eat all the seagulls in order to become the dominant species on the island. Only fear will rule THIS land!
*rustles softly with the wind*
>>32678499Is this your minecraft party?
This biome sucks, but at least it's not another fucking desert. Can you believe it took me over 20 tries to get coal by the first night?
>>32678548>Fern Island has a magic field which makes anyone who tries to teleport off of it only teleport half of themselves off of it. The rest remains on Fern Islandenjoy being half of a person, you dingus
>>32678983Well I'm off the island and you have your legs.Advantage: ME!
>>32679121>off the islandDon't anger the DM.
>not eating ferns yourselfMight even save us from scurvy.
>>32680797The roots of some ferns are great sources of vitamins, actually.
>>32680797Forgot my pic.
Are the Lesser Land-Gulls smart enough to not attack a big animal like humans or has evolving for so many years without natural predators made them fearless? This is vital knowledge, since it could mean the difference between being the top of the foodchain or slaughtered in our sleep.
>>32679121how do you know if you aren't split into a left and right half
>>32680867The only thing they fear are larger Lesser Land-Gulls.
>>32681532Well, fuck. And there's apparently no lumber to make a good wall out of, to keep them out of camp at night. I guess we could build a wall of rocks, but that will take time. Do they fear fire?
>>32681622That might take too much time. If we don't finish a wall, we can sleep in shifts.
>>32681664Did anyone get transported with weapons? There's no chance anyone knows any animal control spells or magic barriers or something? No?
>>32681700Uh... I have my travel cutlery.
>>32678291Question:What is 'your party'?We talking current campaign or just us neckbeards?If the latter, then what setting is this? Modern?High fantasy?I need answers man!
>>32678291>disjunct anti-teleport field>teleport>planeshiftOr if you want to be boring, >fabricate ship>fabricate sextant>unseen servant crew
>>32681622Yes, they are afraid of fire>>32681700You get your weapons and armor
>>32681770This. If this means any RPG character from the games we're each running, we're gonna end up with all kinds of mages, space marines, robots and more, and then the actual conditions won't really matter since we can just fly away or terraform stuff or something.If it's just us neckbeards, this would be an actual challenge.
>>32678499Silly anon, you can only make boats from wood, of which there seems to be none on fern island.Just kill as many creatures as you can and then swim away.
>>32681848Maybe we can weave together a raft of fern fiber strong enough to support our fat asses.
>>32681848How about making flotation devices out of inflated gull skins?
>>32678291Dwarf, start digging and shit, druid, start gathering delicious plants, Hexblade, get to smashing down trees (I know you have an axe but you'll use your hammer anyway...) I'll start drafting plans for a boat.
>>32681882>not having the druid charm the land-gulls and make them do your bidding
>>32681882What trees? All I can see are bloody FERNS!
>>32681882If there were trees, we wouldn't be worrying about having to sleep in the open surrounded by predators.
>>32681882A boat made of what?Stone?
>>32681907>not charming the whales and riding them back to civilization
>>32681940>not charming both the land-gulls and the whales, and creating your own maritime empire.
>>32681940This guy's getting off the island, I'm going with him.
Are all the ferns small, or are there species of big ferns as well? The latter seems likely, if this is a whole ecosystem that's evolved on this island.
>>32678499I'm not going to listen to some lowly Dwarf!
>>32682025> inb4 fantasy Lord of the Flies
>>32682022>yfw there are mini ferns that grow inside you
>>32682084We Ents now.
>>32682022There are both big ferns and small ferns
>>32678499I agree, and as we are of the mustard races, I might be able to help you in more substantial ways.
>>32678703Guise, me thinks some of the bloody plants are leaking gas.
>>32682111Well then, we can utilize the big ones for shelter.
>>32682111> Cut down a big fern> Whittle it down to a point> Run off into the woods with my fern spear> Pick off the others one by oneFern Island is mine
>>32682111Well, then the stems of the big ferns should be at least somewhat useful as a substitute for wood, and maybe the fibers will even be usable for weaving stuff. So we're not as completely fucked as I first thought.
>>32682050Shut up Piggy!
Be on the look-out for fern dryads, or at least an attractive land-gull. As fa/tg/uys, we must have waifus, but we're not very picky.
But my party is a Kill-Team.
>>32682204> Fern DryadsAbsolutely disgusting.They're the inbred rednecks of the dryad race. I'd sooner fuck a cactus dryad. Desert island where?
Rolled 11>>32682111that includes palm trees too ya know.
>>32682182It has been decided: The elf dies first.
>>32678838I can. Because you sound like a scrub.Just keep digging down. Until you hit HELL.
>>32682291Yeah, OP will probably want to put some limit on how big the ferns here get, or this will be too easy.
>>32680797Aren't ferns incredibly hard and tough to digest? Not to mention we aren't built for that sort of eatin'?
>>32682299Not a lot of meat on them scrawny elf bones, though. Still, better than living on bugs and gulls.
>>32682328Point taken. The biggest ferns on Fern Island are 4 meters tall, no palms
>>32682353There shall be no cannibalism.Search harder.
>>32682389Eating an elf isn't cannibalism, though. It's a different species. And it's not like anyone will really miss him, anyway.
>>32682389I take it back; we kill the dwarf, then the elf.We'll feast like kings!
>>32682382Still, we should be able to make at least some kind of low palisade or woven fence out of them, even if it will take a while. The lesser land-gulls are kinda short, anyway.
>>32682417And you will shit gold like one... oh wait.
>>32681939You sound like you're not a Dorf.What sort of beardless are you?
>>32682515One with a very vested interest in surviving and not drowning in a poorly made stone vessel.
>>32682050Kill the pig, drink it's blood, kill the pig, drink it's blood!
>>32682543>poorly made>stoneOnly a pointy-eared hooplehead would say something like that. Go worship a twig or something, ELFY
>>32682328>yfw Fern Island is St. HelenaYou row motherfucker!
I search for the Red Fern.
>>32682543>not building a stone U-boatTake away wood from those faggot elves, and what are they left with? Not even enough beard hair to make ropes and sails. Pathetic.
>>32682595SHUT YOUR FILTHY BEARDED MOUTH YOU STUMPY DRUNKARD BEFORE I PUT A KNIFE IN YOUR FOUL JAUNDICED EYES
>>32682543At the very least we're going to need a keel made of stone, do you even boats?>>32682600Holy shit you're right, I wonder if the island is haunted?Unrelated, OP is there a reef nearby? can we ascertain how the island was formed? obvious prior volcanic activity, sand bar that went crazy or the like
>>32682667> OP is there a reef nearbySomeone never saw Castaway
>>32682665Well, Jaundice is fair, Liver nr. 3 is on it's last legs by now.*sips whiskey*
I like how we still don't even have a roof over our heads, yet are in the beginning of a civil war.
>>32682679Quick, get a volleyball and some skates.
>>32682692I'm not sharing a roof with any bloody dwarves; they reek of booze and snore like beasts.
>>32682692What, you haven't started mining downwards yet and made a blueprint for the main hall?It's kinda hard to read these blueprints though. They're all written on fern. With Ferns.
>>32682754Then you can sleep outside in the Ferns
>>32682621Come my friend! My dogs and I can show you where the red fern grows!
>>32682776That writing is fern ink, I think they've resorted to using dried gull feces.
Rolled 4>>32682679>all islands have reefsI'm going to murder you to death in the upcoming civil war. Time to fashion a warhammer out of ferns and bird skulls.
>>32682754Yeah, go sleep outside with your precious trees. Just don't get your nasty elf cum anywhere near the trees marked with an X. Those we're gonna chop down so we can make a shelter, furniture, and in the long term, some vessel to get off this island. But oh right, I'm talking about hard work and practical uses of natural resources with an elf. My bad.*sips dwarven beer*
>>32682840I'm not saying we don't have a reef, I'm just saying it wouldn't be wise to go swimming near it. Now out down your shitty warhammer before I gut you with my spear fashioned from fern stalk.
>>32682828Can someone explain how I can ferment gull blood? I'm running out of booze.
Let's say I, purely hypothetically, try to strangle a dwarf with a rope made out of fern fibers. How strong would it have to be?
>>32682868>elves form a protective circle around the ferns>Ferns are our friends! Lumberjacks are murderers!
You dense mother fuckers! How can such brilliant engineers be so ignorant? Have you rocks for brains? Look around you, there are no trees! There are only ferns! FERNS! Believe me, if there were trees I would've hung myself from one long ago!
As first Treasurer of Fern Island I hereby declare our official currency to be Ferns.
>>32682914Stronger than this stone rope I've just woven at least.
>>32682922And on each Fern there shall be an image of a Fern, in Fern.
>>32682922But that will cause rampant inflation and chaos as every man seizes as many ferns for himself!You're standing on my Ferns by the way. You gonna pay for that?
Say, how much does your average mug of Fern Booze cost? It'll be our unit of standard measurement, going by the fact it's so popular with the dwarves
>>32682922Ferns are worthless compared to the much stronger bird-skull economy.
No one has tried SEARCHING the ferns yet? Seriously? Wow.
>>32683024Searching for what, more ferns?
>>32683024>Anon has encountered a giant sponge>The giant sponge has become enraged!
>>32683024To do that would be sacrilege. The fern gods must not be angered.
>>32682947Sounds good submit your concept in triplicate on the third full moon of the year for further review.>>32682966>But that will cause rampant inflation and chaos as every man seizes as many ferns for himself!Nonsense as our currency Ferns will have "On Fern Island We Dwell" Stamped on them to distiguish them from other non-currency Ferns.>You're standing on my Ferns by the way. You gonna pay for that?Eminent Domain.>>32682994While we could use it as a guide post for value the bird-skull is to limited to be an effective currency.
>>32683059>The giant sponge charges!>the giant sponge collides with anon!>anon has gone sprawling>the giant sponge bites the third toe, left foot of anon>the giant sponge latches on firmly
>>32682994> implying i just won't hunt gulls to extinction for bird skullsYou underestimate my greed
>>32683092I counter that ferns are way too abundant and easy to counterfeit (they're literally everywhere) to be used as currency. Also they dry up after a while.Bird-skulls are near impossible to falsify, and it's a renewable resource that still isn't too common.
One of you dwarves should go check that out. Just grab it with your hands. Don't bother with gloves.
>>32683127See, this is exactly what happens when you anger the Fern Gods. Hissing ferns. But do anyone ever listen to me? Noooo...
>>32683092I counter with effective occupation relative to force.Meaning get off or I smack you with my Fernhammer.
>>32683181> No one listening to a delusional human who claims ferns talk to himGee, I wonder why
>>32683234Looks like someone is volunteering for the first blood sacrifice to entice the ferns to stop hissing.
>>32683181Oi, step off you phony scam priest.
>>32683234A fern heretic! Feed him to the giant sponge boys!>bulawhaka! Bulawhaka! Ferns everywhere! Gonna throw you in the air! Bulawhacka! Bulawhacka! Ferns everywhere!
>>32683266Did I say that? I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. However, Stumpy the Dwarf looks positively ecstatic to go noodling in some tall ferns, doesn't he?
>>32683266What are the Fern Gods wishes, O be-ferned one?!
>>32683287HERESY! Come to my aid, my leafy brothers! Hissss!
>>32683293>murder in the air!>>32683287Oh look, it's an Orthodox Fernian. Well I say you're both heretics! I'm forming the Reformed Fernian faith!
>>32678291Can I still teleport from one place on the island to another place?Also, my currentparty has an artificer warforged in it. So we kill several hundred greater land gulls, then wait a couple weeks for the artificer to weave a crude boat out of their bones and dried fern fronds.
Some Geckos pbserve the newcomers
>>32683305The fern gods demand that the unclean infidel dogs of the Holy Fern Order be ritually fed to the land-gulls.Also go tell the elves to stop humping the ferns. Sure, we've never actually seen them do it, but everyone knows how elves are. They're definitely doing it behind our backs.
Wait a minute, everyone! We can't just cut up every fern we see! These ferns are unlike anything ever encountered before; we must LEARN from them!
>>32683381Cue this guy getting eaten by ferns, as per the rules of sci fi cliches.
>>32683380Us? Humping ferns?Why I never! Simply preposterous.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU ON MY ISLAND?
>>32683366The Elder Gecko God Culox watches through the eyes of his sticky-toed scouts and waits. Hungrily.
>>32683381I've already tried smoking them, eating them, brewing them, weaving them threshing them, farming them, pulverizing them and shoving them up my ass.How can I learn more? Because all of those were complete fucking failures. Except for the last one.
>>32683380I shall do this thing, for the glory of the Ferned Ones!
>>32683366Hey there, cutie. Where'd you come from?
Unga Wunga. Fern Tribe eat fat strangers tonight.
>>32682132Pssst....hey sir, come closer...*looks both ways, opens coat*Want some chlorophyll? Freshly extracted from local ferns, totally safe! Limited time offer, buy now for 50% off. Whatcha say, hombre?
>>32682868I'm siding with the people with the alcohol. They are most likely wiser.
>>32683426I don't know how we got here, but I'd like to get off.
>>32683441Go with their leafy, spore-covered blessing, my child.And get me more bird-skulls for the bird-skull throne.
>>32683416Tell not lies, thou pointy one!>>32683426Can it be, are you truly the Great Fern!?!
>>32683461Hello sir! I would love to partake of these wares of yours! Would you mind uh- telling me more about what they do and their illicit nature?
>>32683447Oh we live here, eat bugs, sleep, run up ferns, make love and more geckos, and live in terror of those land gulls
>>32683478NOBODY GETS OFF MR GULL-BONES WILD RIDE
>>32683478That's just Steve. Steve arrived with us, he just has early onset Alzheimers. Just indulge his "being the fern god" whims. But don't let the orthodox fernologists see you do it. But if the reformed fernologists don't see you paying proper respect, they'll feed you to the giant sponge.
>>32683498YES, YES I AM.
>>32683498What kind of degenerate do you take me for, you dolt? I am a High Elf. Can't you tell by my totally heterosexual purple robes and long, luscious blonde hair? Only heathen wood elves get off on humping foliage... I'd never do such an unclean thing... Not even against these admittedly beautiful, leafy ferns... Never.
>>32683426>>32683498Uh guys, he's just a crazy old man wearing fern-made clothes.
>>32683509What an idyllic existence. it must be terrible to have all these interlopers just suddenly pop in unannounced and start cutting down all your ferns. Though, I am not a big fan of the gulls... Say, we might be able to help each other out. We trade in bird skulls. You're afraid of gulls.What say you we strike up a... patnership. I'm not suggesting gull genocide, BUT....
>>32683545Explain tha white stains on yer robe then, dagger-ears. *hic*
>>32683056searching for golden rials of course!
>>32683592That is actually fern milk, because unlike you drunkards, I've been hard at work making nutritious, sustainable beverages to keep us alive instead of drinking myself into a coma. What about the stains on yours, little hairy one? You are the perfect height for getting all over a human sausage, if you know what I mean.
>>32683489I have collected the skulls of 30 birds today, tell me will this offer please the Ferned Ones?
>>32683673Geckos, please, lend us your aid!
>>32683266Oy vey, why are priests of the Fern Gods so violent and hateful? Just today they took all my ferns and threatened to feed me to the Giant Sponge! It was like the Defoliation all over again!
Will you ignorant louts keep it down? I'm trying to reach a breakthrough in Fernology that will revolutionize botanics and humanity forever!
>>32683726There is a hole in the ground where you could hide in the third hill to the left!
>>32683769What are you making your lightning conductors out off?
>>32683773There isn't going to be any mysterious hissing ferns in that cave, are there?
>>32683733The defoliation is a myth! Surely such a thing would've been recorded! You lie to gain the sympathy of the masses and you blacken the name of the Ferned One, blasphemer!
>>32683803Ferns, I'd imagine.
>>32678291>Your party ends up on Fern IslandAw shut, bro!
>>32683803Fern fiber of course! Now shh, wait and see. This will change the course of botanics FOREVER! AHAHAHAHAHA! *ominous thunderclap*
>>32683537NO YOU'RE NOT!You're just a phony! A big, fat phony!Fuck this, I'm going to go worship Whalius, God of the ocean.
>>32683810>it was the geckos all along
>>32683861But Herr Doctor.... after conclusive study, I have concluded Ferns... do not conduct electricity!Also this island is really rather too flat for effective thunderstorms...
>>32683872I feel so... so betrayed!
>>32683537Hey there, old buddy!Remember me?
Uh guys, I bumped into some locals. They're making some kinda gestures at me. What do we do?
>>32684071Feed them to the Geckos.
>>32684069Of course I do, does this mean you finally have that thousand souls you've owed me for like a millennium. Or is it your other pants, again.
>>32684103Those are the geckos FINAL FORM!
>>32684071That Fairy in the background is in a remarkably skimpy dress for a kids movie
>>32684116Oh, yeah. About that. I kinda-sorta might've traded them off for...actually, you don't need to know.Err, I actually needed to ask you a question.Is thou referngerator running?
>>32684071Let the Elves chase after them, it might stop them from trying to rail the Ferns.
>>32684209I'm afraid not, Viktor Fernkenstein has redirected all my electricity.Besides, it's hidden in the ferns, I can't even find it.
>>32684236Probably the best idea
<FEED ME A STRAY GECKO>
>>32684297In order to <FEED ME A STRAY GECKO>, you must acquire a <STRAY GECKO>. To acquire a <STRAY GECKO>, you must collect <THE MACGUFFERN>. To get to <THE MACGUFFERN>, you must...
>>32682299You an what army scrub?The choir boys got my back
>>32683716It surely does, and the hissing seems to have stopped. Still, sacrificing some heretics wouldn't hurt, anyway.
Okay so uh, the natives wrapped ferns around me. I can't move my arms very well, but it's not that uncomfortable. I think it's a peace offering or something like that.They're leading me to some big uh....cauldron...thing? There's only boiling water in it so far, but it looks like they're preparing to cook something. Hey, I think they're inviting me to their feast! These people are very friendly, I don't know why I was so apprehensive.
>>32684598...I'll prepare the memorial service.
>>32684636He'll be going to the great fern forest in the sky, to meet the Fern. Someone should really do something about those cannibalistic elves.
>>32684724Seriously? When did the elves go and start munching on people?!
>>32684766See, told you they were suspicions. I've seen how they look at the ferns, too. I say we eat the elves before they eat us and rob the ferns of their innocence.
HEED MY WILLBUILD STATUES OF ME OUT OF BIRD SKELETONS
>>32684857But sir, elf is stringy.>>32684929FOR THE FERN!
>>32684929Screw what this leafy prick says.BUILD STATUES OF ME OUT OF FERN SKELETONS
>>32685091HAHI am ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU.Ferns HAVE no skellingtons. Which is why I want statues built out of them!
>>32684428Hay mon, want sum of dis fern? It's all legit an' shit, no trouble. The church says it's good, so why dontcha get a taste? First taste's free, mon! Spread the love!
>>32685265That's what your woody parts are for, dick. These guys don't seem to have many qualms with cutting your moron followers up.Anyone who pledges servitude to me will get awesome ear-rending caw powers and cool wings. Hit me up.
>>32685331Lies. The deleaver is the true god of Fern Island. I have come to untite my people, the Geckrons, into a mighty dynasty! One that will stretch across the soil! Come my people, we are the rightful rulers of Fern Island. We shall rule over the degenerates and naysayers with a scaly fist.
well hello there, I was just sailing by to my regular fishing spot when I saw a bunch of random people running around the ancient cursed island of the fern, and I felt it would be my duty as a humble fisherman to come and see if you need a lift to the local village/resort just past the island of man-eating plants that resemble ferns over yonder.Or was that this island, I always get them confused
Okay, so...I managed to run back to camp. Okay, more like half-hopped, half-crawled to camp. I made myself a peg leg out of gull bones and fern. It's kind of itchy but it'll do.And uh, I don't think the natives are very friendly.
>>32678291Can we build a house? I think it might rain sometime soon.
Fern Island: Come for the view, stay for the murder, cannibalism, psychotic fern-worshipping zealots, wars over fern, hissing ferns, cannibal natives and geckos! A vacation for the whole family!
>>32686556Depends. What's your stance on the great Fern? Are you one of those heretical Reformed Fernians?
It's okay to drink a little while sailing they said...Nobody will notice they said...What's the worst that could happen they said...
>>32691239I thought we fed you to the Giant Sponge ages ago... how did you survive?
>>32691269I dunno, I kind of blacked out while it was swalolowing me, and next thing I know I'm on the shoreline covered in...something.Fern moonshine is funny like that. *hic*
>>32691294I think it tried to mate with you... Have you been feeling spongy lately?Other than an alcohol sponge, I mean.
>>32678291I summon something that can teleport, and order it to teleport off the island then back to me. Then I tell the next one to swim away from the island 50 meters, then teleport. Then the next 100 meters, and so on until one comes back intact.I then see whether just jumping into the water and swimming that distance, then teleporting out of the ocean will work
>>32691356It's just us neckbeards, not our characters.So you look like some sort of Fern heretic, trying to invoke satanic rituals....*strokes Fern knife*
I am going to move about ten kilometers from you crazy people with my crazy people head bashing rock. Any non crazy people can come with me.
>>32692022Yesssss...head off into the island...away from the people....go into the cave, child...yesss.....
>>32692259Shaddap or I will replace you with another rock!
>>32692285Shhh...no need to resist, my child...let me into your heart....let me into your soul....
>>32678291>Last party I played in was Mutants and Masterminds.I fly away at 10000 mph.
Meanwhile, a rainstorm comes to fern island
Guys...what's that hissing? I'm not the only one hearing it, right?
>>32693411Yes! Rain! Thunder! Lightning! Soon, my little creation...sooooooon...
>this threadYou sound like a bunch of smurfs for gods sake!>fern the ferny fern fern littlefern
>>32682417>no, let's kill the dwarf by using the elf as a melee weapon to beat him to death
>>32694973Ah please, stop being so ferning melodramatic. It's not like the fern is ferning our fernings, or even fernation of the fern fern fern....feeeeeern....
Step One: dig a holeStep Two: Get some FernsStep Three: Weave the Ferns into a cover to keep off the rain