I GM/DM for a group of 10 friends who switch in and out indiscriminately. We play a lot of different stuff. Mostly it's fun times.But one of them might be a lizardperson.You know. A reptilian alien wearing a human-suit to infiltrate our society.I have yet to inform the local reptoid inquisition, but I've begun compiling some sizable evidence against him:>In our 2 years playing together, he has never once eaten any food offered to him.>Subsides entirely on homemade "cookies" he brings from home.>Cookies are green, and pasty. They also taste awful.>Whenever he uses the rest room, he is in there for 10-30 minutes. Possibly reapplying his human makeup?>When excited, he slurs his speech to the point of incomprehensibility, clearly due to not being a native English speaker. Nor any Earth language, for that matter.>Makes phone calls every 2 hours, most likely reporting back to the reptiloid homebase with his findings on hooman behaviors.>Constantly uses nasal sprays and inhalers due to "allergies.">The other day, I gave him a tissue to blow his nose. I took it and threw it away, then offhandedly checked on it in the trashbin. The tissue dissolved into a puddle within about 30 minutes.Do I have enough evidence to safely alert the local draconian authorities, or should I wait and gather more intel on this cold-blooded spy from beyond the moon in my midst?
Please report them.
a-are you actually serious OP?
>>33509714Huh. I kinda wish one of my friends was a lizardperson, now. I wouldn't have to share food with them and apparently they could spit acid at people who mess with us. Plus, lizards are intrinsically pretty cool.
>>33509747On top of all of this, he is an EXCELLENT roleplayer. He gets completely into character, down to accents and mannerisms. He evidently is well trained in the theatrical arts, likely due to his years at the saurian espionage academy on Titan.He also claims to live with his mother, despite the fact that he has never been seen with her.I thought about following him "home" one night, but he saw me linger in my driveway for too long, and was almost certainly suspicious. Fearful for my safety I instead sat in my den all night, whisky in one hand, pointing a loaded shotgun at my front door.
>>33509792well OP, only one way to find outinvite him over, then cut him up. i mean, it is the only way to get through the humansuit, right?
>>33509801Too drastic, instead OP should turn his AC up to freezing temperatures to see if it slows him down at all.
>>33509714TFW My town is full of people like that.
>>33509810Excellent strategy. A lack of results does not however excuse him from all suspicion, as his meat-suit may be in some way climate controlled.>>33509789Don't be fooled, reptilian sympathizer. They are out to get you. Because they are them, and we are us, and if they aren't us, then us can't trust them.
>>33509821Leave quietly but purposefully, do not arouse suspicion from the scalies, lest you too be replaced by a dinoid replicant.
>>33509821Quick, buy some geckos and other lizard pets and treat them like kings to let them know you're willing to work for them.
>>33509868They care not if you are willing, as all will work, willing or not, after they forcibly transplant all of humanity to be used as slaves in the gas mines on Jupiter.
>>33509714Clean and polish your gaming table very thoroughly before a session and afterwards check to see if he left any fingerprints. Reptiles don't sweat so if there are no fingerprints he's wearing a suit. The authorities won't help you much, so your best bet is to just do it yourself and serve lizard stew to your players for the next few sessions.
>>33509922Yeah but someone has to taskmaster those slaves
>>33509810>>33509974Genius. I will do these both this sunday and see if it bears fruit.Wish me luck, fa/tg/uys.If I don't report back, assume I have been silenced by the reptoid authority.Or worse, abducted.I will sleep with a cyanide capsule hidden on my body, for easy consumption should they attempt to take me back to their horrible moon homeworld.
>>33510028Wait a minute, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEIR HOMEWORLD IS? REPTILIAN DETECTED! SHARDING HARD DRIVE AND FLEEING FOR THE HILLS
>>33509922Hypothetically speaking, I'm sure that these reptile-people would much prefer cooperation with humanity.After all, it would be very useful to have a willing liaison so that both species could get along better.Anyway, this is a silly subject. How about that Warhammer 40,000? Do you think that the next codex-manual will be released soon? What would you say that the Imperial Guard's chances against the Vampire Courts are?
>>33509789>>33509821>>33509868>>33509975>>33510074>>33510080EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD IS A REPTOID AGENT.
>>33510110Nah dude - we're spiders>on the internet nobody knows you're a spider
Be on the lookout during your next tabletop met up.Are any of your fellow players actually reptillian infiltrators?Do they exhibit the tell tale signs of reptoid physiology?If so, please alert the local authority immediately.Unless they're lizard people, too.In which case, just take your suicide capsule.
>>33510110>>33510139Nah, we're actually skellies.
>>33509714OP, if you are right, you have to take drastic action. REPTILIANS ARE NOT PEACEFUL. No matter what the libtard sympathizers say. They only want to enslave our race. We can't have another repeat of the Santiago Incident of 2012 here. We all know they were behind that, don't let your town be next.
>>33512162I'd burn it to the ground first.
I TRIED GOING AWAY FOR A WEEK ON A "HOLIDAY" FOR SHELTERTHEY FOUND MESEND H
>>33509714>he doesn't play with elves
>>33509714You could have left things well enough alone, OP.We're coming for you now.
>>33511727I starting to suspect all my players might be secretly be skeletons wearing meat suits. Their body structure is identical to that of a skeleton, and there are several places-- particularly the joints-- with odd protrusions that I suspect might be flesh-hidden bone.
>>33516832Oh by the nine, I think they have infiltrated the governments too.What do we do?
>>33510139>>33510268>>33511727What the shit, I thought this was a Capy mission!?
>>33510110>>33510139>>33511727>>33517819>Whose conspiracy is it anyway
>>33517937Wouldn't it be hilarious if there actually no humans remaining on Earth, and everyone was actually a disguised agent of one of dozens of different secret invasions, all so hidden that they're oblivious to the fact that they had collectively replaced humanity decades ago?
>>33509714Eh, this thread could have been funny but you played out the joke in the first post.
>>33517937>yfw you realize the true mastermind behind all the conspiracies is actually humanity
Craft an aluminium hat to protect yourself from his influence.
>>33509714Offer to join him in his subversive activities you pleb!
>>33517819Fuck all of you guys, there is a huge beaver community on 4chan
>>33520518P̘̞̬̗̭̰͑̉a͇̞͍͙̿ͫṭ̜̟̾̓̈́ͨ́̈̓ḣ̦̯͚̫e͎̮̪̪̥̟͆ṭ̱̰̠͇͚͇ͯi͉̹̙̦͓̻̍̒̒͛͆ͪ̽ͅc̼̯͖͍͚͕̮͆ͧ̋͌ ̗͇̻̩͚̥̇̇B̝̪̬ͦea̲͍̙̓v̗̳̩͊́̈̃͆͊ẽ̞̭̬̼ͅṟ͎̉̐ͯs̹͎͉͗.̥͖̘̰͎̜̙̓ͤ͊ͪW͓̱̖̠̬ḥ̼̬̮a̻̥̲͚͛̐̑͑̆̓̚t̺͚̻͖ͥ͌͂ͧ͊ͮ̚ ̫̭̰͎̲̑͆̒ͨ̓ͤ́a͖̩̜̗̺̻͔r̘͊ͩ̽͋͆̐e̬͂ͨͫ̀ͤ ̺ͧ̉ỷ̥̈̎̀ͣ̊o̼̜͔̜̞̯ͨu͉̘̹̘̍̎̐̓̋̈́̒,͉̹̠̝̺͌̓̈́ͮ̾̐̋ ̜̘̳̝̬͓ͧ̚c̮̭̩̣̗͂o̦͉̭͓̥͂ͥm̪͎ͮ̀͆̈́ͪͦͬp̠̝͛̔á͔̯̳̳̥͓ͦ͒͌ͤr̹̫͖͓͙̱ĕ̳̩̪͆ͯ̆̚d ̠̫ͫ̾͒̽̎t̩͙̣̔o̟̪ͣ̃ͫ ̗̖͈̱̯̥̞o̬͍u̙̬r͍̼͉̽̇͑̾ ̬͙̹̾̊M̱̩͉̲̖̑ã̜̣̯͆ͭgͥ̇ͨ̅̐̓n̳̻̔̽ͣi̺̗̞̱̤͌̎f͓͚̈̽̽̌͑i̫̜͔̣̞̍̏̏ͅc͎̞̲̭̱̬ͨe̞̼̮̻̰n̮̞̘̙̦̝ͤ͌̔̅͆c̽e̮͖͉͋ͯͨ̎̒̏͛?ͧ̏ͪͤͪ͌̚
>>33520807Go home platypus you're drunk.
>>33520268Better results can be had with an aluminum bat.Best defense is a good offense.
>>33521128No, the best defense is the deterrent threat of a good offense.
I, uhI'll just take my leave.
>>33521255Too late for that, son.
>>33518292You ever read The Man Who Was Thursday?
Never fear! Candle Jack will save u-
>>33521617The fuck did you just d-
>>33521617Nothing bad will ha-
>>33521617>>33521659>>33521680None of you know how that fucking works. You all have to say Candlejack's name or he won't do shit. Also, adding a dash is stupid because he takes you midpost. Y'all are faggo
>>33509714And you didn't fuck him?!
Daily reminder there are nonhumans on this board.>mfw
>>33521777I want to know how that man cup-ulates.Is that jarring?
>>33518292>The President of the United States reveals he was really a lizard person the entire time and that they have taken over the U.S.>Suddenly the cameraman reveals he was a skeleton and thought they were the ones making the coup>around the world different races and beings realize that nobody is actually human>the last human being on earth, in his super secret bunker, laughs himself to death
>>33518292wait, what would that make otherkinhonest or double pretending
>>33521854I feel the skeletons hiding in lizard people spies infiltrating the capybara faction are the worst off.
>>33521932Nah. Otherkin think they're physically human, but spiritually some other shit.These guys are physically non-human and aren't retarded.
>>33521978>implying skeletons aren't a bunch of boneheads
>>33521990Wow. Fuck you. What is this 2008? Still using racist buzzwords? I happen to be a skeleton and I bet I contribute more to society then you fucking fat entitled meat bags.
>>33522089>Skeletal Justice Warrior
>>33518292The whole thing was just a giant human conspiracy, realizing how expensive a space/colonization program would be they lured in multiple alien factions to do the ol' swaparoo, once earth was human free they conquer the alien worlds and use their old home-world as a zoo.Fellow infiltrators we have mad a terrible mistake
>>33522138We warned you, guys. You didn't listen.
>>33522416I kinda like it though...
>>33518368Why is it that whenever someone makes a post clearly designed to be humorous, when the vast majority of people are laughing or at least enjoying themselves, some asshole comes in and bes the comedy nazi?Why do some people feel the need to police other people's fun?
http://www.heavenly-angels.org/english/default_en.htmThis might be the only solution and answer against them! Be guided by the Angels of Light and Love!
>>33522821>implying angels are to be trusted over elementals>ever
>>33509747Entomb me like one of your french skeletons
>>33509834>Because they are them, and we are us, and if they aren't us, then us can't trust themBest quote i've seen all day
>>33518292I am a human though. I've cut myself and I've had X-Rays taken, I'm definitely a kind of a mostly-hairless primate, most probably a human. I've never wanted to be nonhuman (well apart from wanting to fly, but who doesn't), though I've sometimes wished to be of the opposite sex. Oh, and a tail. I kind of want to have one. Just imagine the masturba... everyday applications for one!But just to recap, am I the only human in the thread? Do any of you wonder what it's like to be a real human? I'm up for answering any questions.
>>33524425You can't be human though. You're on /tg/. You obviously must be either a neckbeard or a weeb, both of which are subhuman.Just ignore him mates, everything checks out. No humans in this thread.
/tg/ become night vale in 76 posts.
>>33524425You were exposed to X-Rays?You might be SKELETON MAN! That makes you half human.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU513suJZzYNo humans here.
>>33509714There is one thing that must be done.You must kill the Lizard Man.
>>33509714Don't be silly -- there's no such thing as "lizardpersons".