>party is sent to investigate rumors of a demonic cult>turns out the rumors were merely rumors
let's kill some people anyway, just to be sure
I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop
>party reaches BBEG>tells him to give up>realizing that the party just killed legions of minions, he surrenders
>>34145749Make sure they're all dead with a tap to the head, just in case
>>34145831>Imp;ying that will stop me from murdering BBEG
>>34145758>the person or group that sent the party out only did so to keep them from uncovering their smuggling activities and underground sex-slave trafficking>they likewise send out assassins to make sure the party never comes back
>you all meet in a tavern>you all get completely fucking plastered and can't remember shit in the morning>you all go your separate ways
>>34145704>demons invade conventionally a month later>turns out the cult was actually in the next town over
>Rumors of a great treasure hidden in the depths of a nearby ruin>Ruins don't have any treasure or even an underground part.
>The ancient tome should contain a spell powerful enough to topple empires and bring glory and riches beyond imagination>Unfortunately 700 years unattended in poor preservation conditions in a humid environment means any vestige of whatever was written there is long gone
>>34145917>4 weeks later some of you realise they are pregnanteven some of the men
>>34145704>An old man tells an epic tale of a battle of light and dark>It has nothing to do with the players or even the world at large. The man has Alzheimer's.
>A mysterious hooded figure sits in the dark corner of a tavern>Close inspection reveals it to be the local homeless drunk taking a nap in urine soaked travel cloak.
>a large band of orcs appear!>they're just tourists
>Stay awhile and listen!>Let me tell you how immigrants are ruining this country.
>An ancient evil awakens>it takes a leak and goes back to sleep
>the party finds an ultimate weapon from an ancient civilization>thousands of years of technological progress means the weapon is less effective than a rock
>The northern borders with the barbarian kingdoms are strangely calm this season, without raids>Because after losing so many good men and battle, they turned to regional trade and centralized inter-tribal government.
>>34146073>Ancient evil awakens>Ancient evil mellowed out and sets up a home where the ancient evil was sealed.
>ancient tales tell of a forgotten civilization that mastered metallurgy>used their secret arts to craft weapons and armor that their enemies couldn't withstand>the heroes are sent to discover this secret super-alloy>turns out it was just bronze
>>34145704>start up cult to fill the void
>>34145862Of course not, he was coming right for you! You all saw it, right?
>>34145704>Hotshot vigilante hero who doesn't play by the rules is arrested for public endangerment.
>>34146164This just became the next plot hook in my main campagin.
>adventurers come back from quest>spend gold in town for new equipment>large ammounts of gold injected into the economy cause a greater class divide between merchants and farmers>the aristocracy is helpless as they are overthrown by the enriched bourgoise
>>34146064goddammit /pol/, you made me lol.
>>34146039My party is going to encounter some tourist orcs here soon"look at that warbeast father, it doesnt even have sharpened teeth""that is a sheep son, I think they wear them"
>the party is informed of a great war that is happening soon between the elves and the dwarves>it's a heated sports rivalry
>>34146331I know that was the episode in one anime that could be described as 'Japan goes for a cultural victory against a fantasy kingdom'. I can't remember the name.
>Perverse wizard has cursed an entire city, and the curse is rumored to be contagious>it has turned everyone into adorable bunnyfolk, and all the city slums into beautiful gardens teeming with butterflies
>you are the chosen hero destined to slay the BBEG and save the world>some other chucklefuck ends up beating you to it
>After a hundred years, The Dark Lord awakens and sends for his minions once again>they have since formed a union
>>34146331So basically Germany vs Brazil in the world cup, except the elvish Brazilians don't have long lives, and they have drugs?And way more slums and poor peopleAnd not all of the dwarvish, efficient Germans are midgets.I could play that.
>Dragon has kidnapped the princess>you arrive at the castle>dragon proposes to you
>>34145704>Oracle talks about a chosen band of warriors saving the world>Turns out said chosen band had already went out and completed their objective years ago
>>34146360Not sure if magical realm, or just d'awwww.
>>34146360 That is his fetish.
>>34146434that's was so retarded that, if it wasn't about soccer, I'd be surprised someone actually brew that far fetched, out of the ass connection. But a soccer fan might.
>>34146554what is it about bunnyfolk and butterfly gardens that suggests magical realm to you?on second thoughts, don't answer that.
>>34146360soon the population of the city triples, unleashing a race of intelligent rabbits upon the worldthey eat grass and are hired as lawn mowers
>the Prophesy states that he who is born to a farmers wife on the X day of the X month of X year will be the one who will vanquish the great evil>20 years later, about 20,000 identically aged farmboys storm the dark fortress and vanquish the great evil
>>34146353I know a manga like that
>>34146623Yeah, similar premise to that, but instead of fighting, teaching the children Japanese and exposing them to anime, manga, and visual novels.
>Every time the party solves an adventure, their world sightly changeI've been doing this for over 2 months and they have yet to suspect they are shifting alternateve realities whenever they kill a "Dimensional Overlord".I've even stopped keeping this as a secret yet they don't seem to care about what the fuck is going on, they just want to bash weird monsters in the face.And I wouldn't have it any other way.
>an evil wizard has cursed a village with a foul pox>turns out its just herpes and people have been blaming the wizard to avoid everyone knowing they were cheating on their husband/wife The wizard was dicking most of the women in the village, so a lot of it was actually his fault
>>34146658They do that too in the same comic, mostly taking in disaffected minorities (read:qt monstergirls).
>>34146360You forgot about the "lack of bad mood" curse.
>>34146360>Curse also terrifyingly affects the minds of it's victims>they can't help but feel happy, and it takes conscious effort to feel upset for long
>>34146658It's called Outbreak Company. I dropped it since the relationshit was dragging the comedy and story down.
>>34146360Somebody has been playing Odin Sphere
>party ventures into an ancient crypt>trespassers are escorted out by the authorities
>party investigates rumors of a warlock placing curses on someone>it's just a harmless drunk guy at a bar>party investigates a wizard known for his mastery of conjuration and illusion spells>he has no real magic and they're all real-world magic tricks>party investigates a buildup of barbarians>their informant misheard and sent them to a barber school
>>34146794I thought it looked interesting, but when I heard the wolf girl would never win I stopped caring.
>>34146623>Dragon's head scales strong enough to stop .50 cal bullets>Expecting an explosive rocket to do anything to a fire-proof dragonHow does that even work? Shouldn't the explosion just vent its energy into the surrounding air, rather than blowing through it's entire leg?
>>34146865>they're actually barberians, and the axes aren't for show>they make the closest shave in the kingdom
>>34146777>they can't help but feel happy, and it takes conscious effort to feel upset for longWhy do people keep associating that with mimigasThere was nothing in the game that even touched upon that
>>34146866>Oh, an anime about what would happen if a fantasy world met with modern Japan>oh, it's got a romance subplot that's not funny, okayYou should have known better, the wolf girl was neither the first girl he met, nor the princess who was actively trying to learn from him.
>>34146865>party sent to weight a wagon>dragon burns quest giver's village down on account of his speech impediment
>>34146885>tank armor strong enough to stop machine gun bulletsI guess those anti-tank missiles wouldn't do anything to one of those either?
>>34146885A shaped-charge explosive is designed to direct the majority of its force at a single point, so as to pierce heavy armor.
>>34146932Doesn't change the fact that she's the best girl, at least from what I've seen in screenshots and discussed in threads. Not every Japanese media franchise that has a love subplot ends with the Loli or the first girl winning.
>>34146885RPG's hit HARD. Really, really hard. They penetrate armored tanks like they are designed to do
>Wizard unleashes plague of rats upon kingdom>Kingdom's wizard counters via plague of cats
>>34147128>Angry old Witch unleashes plague of dogs so she can get some sleep at night.
>hack DMs can't think of an interesting scenario so they take a cliche one, put a WHACKY! twist on it and suck themselves off
>>34147194>PCs are all actually fun sucking vampires
>>34147194>Party suggests interesting idea for solving challenge to DM>DM approves, proceeds to give party fucked up results for daring to think originally
>>34146215>a group of superheroes who are also famous musicians in a band togetherThat's actually a pretty great concept
>>34145917>you all meet in a tavern>Tucker Max walks in drunk off his ass and starts insulting/antagonizing/flirting with everyone, including the party>how do you respond?
>>34147157Druids release a horde of gorillas to kill the dogs
>>34147336Then everyone waits for winter so the gorillas die?
>>34147404No, then the Artificers invent gliders to attack the gorillas climbing up the turrets and walls of the kingdom's castles.
>>34145975That sounds fun. I'd play Forensics Quest.
>>34147404I thought that was what happened to the needle snakes? I might have missed a step
>>34146219you are my hero
>antagonist suggests the PC join his organization>PC does soHappened in the last session I ran.
>>34146039I actually had Orcish nobles out on a safari in the New Land. The party hated them because the Orcs shot their packmule with a small cannon thinking it was some fascinating new beast of burden.
>Queen sends PCs on a diplomatic mission to deliver a letter of dire importance to the prince of another kingdom>It's a booty call
>>34147772>King asks you to save his daughter from the dragon who kidnapped her. >it turns out that they were on a date and the dragon didn't wanted to surprise her.
>merchant requires you to hunt down and destroy a terrible scroll>it's his tax record
>>34147840>You hear a dragon is terrorizing the local town>turns out the old man saying that is a racist prick>Party is hired to slay giant who is stealing sheep>he legitimately owns the sheep and land.
>>34145704It is the way of lore that whatever gossip is mentioned last or the most mysterious supposition's always true.
>>34146064God dammit, Cain, and you wonder why I didn't save your ass from Tristram.
>men are being kidnapped by the orc tribe nearby, please go kill everything>turns out most of them just ran out on their wives because orc women are less bitchy and better fucks
>>34147522every time i get the fucking opportunity man
>Party finds the legendary sword of.tales.>Its rusted beyond repair.
>An ancient, feared sorcerer of legend rises from the grave, sending forth his armies of undead warriors and corsair mercenaries>It crushes the cruel and barbaric opressive empire that had since taken over since the sorcerer's banishment>All but a fraction of the undead return to their graves, those left behind serving as laborers to rebuild the emaciated towns>The mercenaries reinstate their old order and become representatives of order and justice
>>34147302>wake up the next day, hungover>vaguely recall punching somebody in the face several times>whatever
>>34146014Using that one.
>>34146611The mass genocide of the shrub people begins.
>party finds hundred year old map leading to a vast treasure>find out the treasure was found and spent 99 years ago
>>34148153In fairness, the organization in question is pretty reasonable and not entirely evil, and the NPC suggesting he join had some good points.
>>34147522Sometimes happens in games I run. I usually have a badguy in a city that goes, "So our guys are being picked off by a bunch of mercenary graverobbers? Offer them triple what they're getting from their current employer, and get said employer's name. Send them somewhere fuckoff to look for some jigger."
>numerous NPCs warn the party about shady high-ranking official>evil shit starts to happen the deeper the party investigates, curses, assassins, etc. >Rumors the duke is planning to summon demons to usurp kingdom>turns out he's just embezzling from his boss and went after the party because he assumed they were hired to catch him
>>34145977That's fucking amazing. I'm stealing it.
>>34145834>Demonic parasites burst out from their opened skulls
>a red dragon is spotted flying over the city>actually a gold dragon that got painted over in his sleep by a group of pranksters
>>34148963>What the fuck is a yellow dragon?
>>34146620> X day of the X month of X year minus 9 months> "Find a Farmer's Wife and FUCK Her" Day
>Ancient Evil awakens>Gets pissed and kills everyone who woke it up before going back to sleep.>Party searches for the power to defeat the BBEG>The power was inside of them all along
>>34147029>Doesn't change the fact that she's the best girl, at least from what I've seen in screenshots and discussed in threads.So you dumped a show you were enjoying because of a rumour that your favourite girl - who is only your favourite based on more rumours - would not win the MC's? Jesus, some people.
>>34148121What the hell's up with this webm? It looks like something semi-legit is happening, but he's using a plastic bow with a rubber-tipped arrow.
How would you find out they were merely rumors? How would you know the innocent-looking townspeople weren't just using a very effective disguise?I mean, from a purely logical perspective you can't prove a negative like that.
>>34146331>player invites you to "bust the minis out and get some dice rolling">he wants to play blood bowl
>>34149658>Matt, Pat, Woolie, and Liam share a hearty laugh.gif
>prophecy about how heroes will come from the future and destroy an evil wizard who is in the process of a years-long ritual to engulf an entire desert nation in a magical sandstorm, thereby sacrificing its inhabitants to nerull>turns out the prophecy was bullshit faggots, that archmage who was chasing you wasn't trying to kill you, he was an important NPC trying to warn you that you were following propaganda and that the real prophecy was to be learned by a series of trials etc. detailed in a book he was carrying, which he risked his life recovering from a cave sealed in another dimension by the true evil>you could have saved the world if you didn't murderhobo that archmage and several other NPCs who tried to warn you, along with setting ancient libraries on fire and breaking relics AND PRETTY MUCH EVERY OTHER HOOK I DROPPED like retards>instead you followed a bullshit propaganda prophecy and became pic relatedThis happened in one of my games and I have no regrets. Neither did they actually, it was pretty fun.
>>34146885You're probably not here anymore, but here's what a REAL rpg looks like ( not the stuff you see in movies).https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLj4zaoMkRE
>>34150157The only thing I learned from that is that drunk Australians can't aim an RPG to save their lives.
>>34145975This wasn't a problem when they rediscovered Tacitus' book about how much of a Germanboo he was
>>34146353And these terrorists try to burn down the Japanese Language school with a magic device, so the fujoshi JSDF officer sprays it with a fire extinguisher
>>34145704either that or your party botched the required investigation spectacularly.and you will never know which.
>>34145704Can confirm I put my party through this, however it did lead them onto a good plotline
>>34147522>join BBEGs organization>make a union and bring it down through strikes for higher wages
>>34150157>RPGs can kill youJack Chick was right!
>Ancient evil awaken>Turns out he was only considered evil back then because of the cultural norms of the time.
>Shadowrunners PCs are in trouble>They pissed off a Dragon>PCs are told a Shadowrunner could help them>PCs searchs for the Shadowrunner >Dude completly disappeared>No trave left, cleansed record>PCs go "oh shit the dragon got him">Try to flee>Get captured>Meet the Dragon's right-hand man>Turns out it's the Shadowrunner they were looking for.
>>34151179>he's actually an abolitionist who got dumped in a well and sealed in by a wizard because he incited a slave riot>that same wizard is still around but had a change of heart and is a total social justice warrior now>constantly berates him for his older mannerisms and morals
My entire campaign could probably be boiled down to a series of quotes for this thread.>Goblins are getting more intelligent and starting to use tactics in their raids>They have just had reading and writing introduced into their civilization>Nobleman is going to be assassinated for some unknowably sinister reason>He was writing a biography and some of the other nobles didnt want him releasing their dirt>Party goes to a foreign land to testify as to whether an ancient culture should be left alive or exterminate>The council had already made a decision before they came in to just fence the whole thing off>A theft of a massive scale that may involve spies and invisible ink>It was actually just fraud committed by the merchant in order to collect insuranceAnd probably a half dozen more. They have all happened for a reason though, which I wont spoil in case my players, who are from here, are reading this. There were some spoilers though, so try not to metagame too hard regardless.
>>34151179The inverse is also fun >Ancient paragon of good awakes >Bloodthirsty rapist, but only against Orcs and half-orcsThey were hard times, the Classic Age.
>>34146430Dark minion union sounds great, gonna use that!
>>34151267>Bloodthirsty rapist, but only against Orcs and half-orcsI'm hard, anon.
>>34146639Just a tip: there are many types of game called "football", and most of them are called by more specific names to differentiate them. For example, "Rugby rules Football" which was later shortened to "Rugby".Worldwide, the most popular form of football is "Association Football" which is sometimes shortened to "Soccer".Just so you know.
>>34151267Oh yeah, it's a nice twist>Paladin meet the legendary hero of ages past that inspired him during his training>Turns out he's a dirty mercenary with no morals that has more in common with the party's resident murderhobo
>>34151322I thought it was called football evreywhere but in America, because they had American football with a rugby ball. That you play with the hands, most of the time.
>>34146215where's the archived thread for this pic?
>party is told of an ancient prophesy by an old man in tavern>they go forth and defeat hordes of monsters, recovering the ancient treasure and ensuring the demon-god is not awakened>they return to the tavern>old man is really confused as he just made the prophecy up as a lark
>>34151259>>that same wizard is still around but had a change of heart and is a total social justice warrior now>social justice warrior wizard>social justice wizardI guess I have my new BBEG
>the ancient witch-queen has returned from being frozen in a magical prison for a thousand years>turns out she's spent the time considering her past deeds and now just wants to quietly and grow flowers
>an Imperial world is investigated by the Inquisition for assumedly harboring a Demon>the Demon has recognized the IOM as the greatest source of suffering in the Universe and taken up a low-key job in the Administratum
>>34151507>SJW wizard>goes around changing people's sex, gender and species>makes thin people fat>hollers YOUR PRIVILEGE HAS BEEN CHECKED! whenever he strikesjesus christ
>the player cabal finds traces of another Vampires' wide-ranging conspiracy>they unravel the mystery just in time to ruin the Prince's surprise birthday party
>the party is send to recover an ancient artifact from some ancient tomb>all of its traps have fallen apart and the guardian monsters have died during the eons that have passed since its sealing
>>34151559Exactly. We have to put him down.
>the investigators follow the traces of an old book describing a degenerate cult who prays to outer gods to bring about the end of the world>turns out it's just the inane ramblings of a romantic xenophobe that spawned a cult following among angsty teenagers
>>34151663Have some goddamn respect
>>34151507You know the guy with the trip "Infuriatingly Smug Wizard" ? I call him Statistical Justice Wizard
>>34151659>the party is hired by an extremely obese post-op with a half-shaved head, tongue piercing and dressed in trashy goth fashion>"she" used to be the king of the realm>ask what happened to the princess>goth tranny holds up a ferret>the ferret is also transgendered and has tiny piercings
>>34151683>roll for privilege
>>34151559Of all the wizards with no concept of Right and Wrong, this wizard has the least amount of concept of Right and Wrong
>>34151686I also started to write him a theme song based on Linkara's
>>34151703Nah, it's just that most wizards admit they have no concept of right or wrong (and are even proud of this fact, in some case), but that guy smugly claims he's right.Though I suppose we could defeat him by pointing out he's magicaly privileged.
>>34151732> defeat him by pointing out he's magicaly priviledgedYou're using logic anon, and that means you're oppressing him
>>34151732And see how he is able to dodge it with the power of mental gymnastics and victim complex.
>>34151559>>34151659>>34151678>>34151683>>34151696>>34151703>party tracks down SJWizard>he is appalled at the CIS scum heteronormative oppressive nature of the party>roll for privilege>everyone in party scores low>SJWizard changes male dwarf fighter's gender>not his sex, just his gender>he now self-indentifies as a female halfling and has a breakdown>SJWizard changes female elf sorceress into a transvestite>her boobs become falsies and fall out and falls over as her panties suddenly are filled with a giant bulge>SJWizard changes male cleric into an iguana in a false beard>teleports away cackling
The Social Justice Wizard is my new BBEG too. Thanks /tg/
>>34151761>male high elf appears>20 Intelligence>16 Charisma>24 Privilege>casts Mordenkeinen's Greater Oppression>Fort save or be Oppressed>SJWizard just can't even right now>fails save>SJWizard takes 159 Oppression damage
>>34151746+4 deflection AC against logic
>party hired to investigate demonic cult preying on youngsters>turns out it's just teenagers sneaking off to the old mill to smoke and play craps
>>34152603Now I wanna do a Jack Chick-cycle of Cthulhu adventures, where the characters set out to investigate cults of rock music, vidya, role-playing, maybe flash dancing, and they all turn out to be actual conspiracies by the devil to ruin our youth.
>>34146885I think the real question here is, since when could the JDF actually fight?
>rumors speak of a fishing town harassed by horrible fish-men from a sunken city>turns out just to be an advertising campaign to get rich adventurers to come to the town and spend their hard-earned gold
>>34152666They were deployed to assist in Iraq. In very small numbers in support roles.
>Powerful mage curses the city to be terrorised by an headless horseman because of its decadent sins.>Turn out the mage was an alchemist who used smoke bomb and pyrothecnic to make as if he casted spells, and the headless horseman is just a disguised dwarf he hiredI did this in one campaign.
>>34152860>A cult of extremists burns a casino to the grounds and kill all the mobsters that runned it.>It was a cover up by the military to hide the alien that sneaked into the casinoI also did this, in another campaign.
>>34146623Isn't this the one with the line >Only America allows black people in it's Special Forces
>>34152949What about people in Africa :<
>>34152949Yes. That is apparently how the Japanese government identifies American special forces.Speaking with a British accent? AmericanSpeaking French? American>>34153096Africa has special forces?
>>34145749The death of these innocents concludes a long and complicated ritual, orchestrated by the real cult, summoning a legion of demons from the depths of the abyss.
>>34152860So essentially your campaign was Scooby Doo
>>34146360>>34146777You were in the cute thread, weren't you.
>>34146039>Party is hired as tour guides
>>34151369It's called soccer in Australia too, because we have our own special snowflake football
>>34149341>>Ancient Evil awakens>>Gets pissed and kills everyone who woke it up before going back to sleep.Doesn't this happen in half of Lovecraft stuff?
https://twitter.com/HardSciFiMoviesthis is related
>>34153678Don't you be dissin' the AFL
>>34153742Reminds me a game I was in where evil cultist succeeded in raising the Black King, legendary evil conqueror, from the dead. It took the cultist thirty seconds to annoy him enough to kill all of them, then a short conversation revealed that he'd been a real dick when he was alive, but it was a time that required the powerful be real dicks if they wanted to get anything done and his legendary evil reputation was mostly an artifact of him removing tax exempt status on the monks and scribes that recorded things.
>>34153860Look, no one ever actually explained the rules to me, I had no idea what everyone was playing until I looked it up on the internet myself as a teenager.
>>34153678Footy is one of our national pass-times, just behind drinking and fucking with dangerous fauna, and just ahead of grilling the shit out of snags
>>34153878So what did he do then?
>Ancient evil awakens>He's been asleep so long the world has already ended and there's no one left
>Party fights a demonic construct owned by the BBEG>Paladin kills it with a final blow>As it falls apart, blood and burning oil seeping out of its dark steel flesh it whispers something to the paladin>"Thank you"
>>34153898Pointed out the stupidity of the cultist plan (He didn't have the resources that had made him an effective conqueror) and left to find a drink, muttering something about it being impossible to find a good drink and a easy woman in the afterlife. When we next saw him he was just hanging out at a tavern, spending the culitist money.
>>34146603You did open with 'peverse wizard'
>>34153938I've used that as a basis before, where the ancient divine evil used his incredible power to make life again, then slowly became worshipped as a good god
>>34145922> knows that feel
>>34150799>Humanforce..And now I want to write a parody of Through the Fire and Flames about everything being totally average and not that exciting.
>>34154010Please tell me he became a recurring character.
>>34153742And also in the fight against Nito in Dark Souls. Dude's just chilling there in his coffin, then you barge up in there and try to kill him.
>>34152023>Suddenly, SJWizard is transformed into his true form, unvieling his greatest shame:>He was secretly a moderately rich, middle-class, heterosexual white male who followed the country's major religion this whole time
>>34147128>plague of catsI'd be okay with this.
>An ancient evil awakens>Party shoves him in an old home and call it a day.
>>34154010...Best Ancient Evil Ever.I can practically see him in the tavern, a drink in one hand and a hot chick in the other, telling stories of his battles and trials in the ancient world when the party arrives and he greets them with a wave of his beer mug.>Hello friends, come over here! I just finished telling the story of how that cultist idiot woke me up!>See guys, they're the heroes who set out to stop the nutjob I told you about, they're all really cool dudes.>Come on friends, gather 'round and get yourselves some beer, they're on me. Now, have you ever heard of the Battle at the Black Peaks? Yes, the one where the Lord of Chaos defeated the Divine Army and killed the divine dragon that guided the heroes? Well, guess who was the Lord of Chaos?> I remember it as if it was today, I had just received the new armor I had comissioned and believe me, impractical as they are, nothing commands the respect of a bunch of half mad bloodthirsty warriors like a wizard-king in spike adorned full plate...
>>34154135>"Through the Traffic and the trains we shuffle on"
>>34152949Can't recall that line being uttered. Some Japanese specops soldiers were defending against an unidentified strike team. They crept up to get a look at one of the guy's they'd shot dead, and it turned out he was black. They figured he was American, probably because there weren't a whole lot of other countries that could be involved.
>>34146623That manga damages my calm.
>>34154768>probably because there weren't a whole lot of other countries that could be involved.Among the three nations most likely to have sent a specops retrieval team (China, Russia, CIA), America IS the most likely to have a black man in their team. Simple demographics and statistics.
>>34154088Just like the Bible.
>Party hears about a Dragon with a kidnapped girl>Charge up the mountainside and confront it>Turns out the girl is only a princess in the eyes of the dragon>Was legally adopted>Even has all the appropriate paperwork
>>34153619Yep. I was a scooby-doo villain in a not!Renaissance city.Though my plan was to use the money I stole under the guise of the curse to gain power, and to use my reputation as a powerful mage to intimidate the city's gang into doing my bidding.
What the heck are these? Anti-plot-hooks?>Investigate brutal murder in which the victim was torn into a bloody pulp in the middle of a sacred stone circle outside of town>It was just the butcher improperly dumping all his leftover viscera
>>34146217Complete it with the BBEG going ape when he realises this.Of course, leave it open so they might be able to bluff the bronze is some amazing magic or something.>>34146286> Father, what is this plant?> It's called a "roe-ezz". Don't like the smell of it much...> Look! It has thorns!!> They're lovely, but you know they'll charge a tusk and a leg for it.>>34146718Seriously, no contradictions they've noticed? Like the friendly bar keep is suddenly a grumpy bastard, or NPCs suddenly don't know who they are?>>34146723And stolen. Is he even a wizard? Or just a bard that as convinced a whole town he is a wizard.>>34147771And then some of the mice turn out to be familiars to the Pixie King. Without them, he can't bring summer and spring backaround.>>34147898Stealing this shit as well.>>34149321Imagining that with the infliction is just hilarious. All the drunkards, mercenaries and bums looking to become father to some great hero. Not all the wives seem to mind though.Turns out the oracle predicted a terrible war or plague about to hit. She made this story up so there would be more people to fight/survive.>>34150781This 100x over. Unless they are an expect at what they are detecting, never give a certain answer. "You do not detect any traps." "You do not sense any magic." Only an expert could say "there is no way any traps/magic could be here", and even then some shit can happen.>>34151618> The artifact activates and creates a time bubble. All the minions and traps are now as good as when the artifact was placed in the tomb ages ago.I love Zelda games some times.>>34152603> OHGOD Please don't kill us!> I told you this was a bad idea Johnathan!> Please don't tell my dad!> Please don't tell her dad!>>34154193>>34154473Is he still undead? Are people basically drinking with Skeleton King and being really bro with him?> Small town starts Undead equal-rights movement.
>>34155135Shit, did your party's kleptomaniac at least get some treasure out of the excursion?
>>34155245They're plot twists, anon
Avatar of chaos and king of light are destined to fight each otherTurns out they are pretty good friends
>>34155352Do they still fight each others in a friendly competition?
>>34155426They play chess on the weekends.
>>34145975I used a hidden plot hook just like that. It worked amazingly well.>group keeps clashing with BBEG's minion forces through all the land>BBEG is all "claim the land, enslave workers, further his evil agenda with new minions">party foils his greatest conquests but he keeps making ruckus>they finally track him down in some ancient ruins>he stands there, among the rubble, looking at the shattered stone tablet that once contained the magic formula to destroy countries with but one sentence of power>the tablet is broken, he is defeated, they go after him>he barely escapes, his hopes visibly broken, and never heard of again, possibly dead>his armies shatter and become small war bands roaming the realm>one such band attacks a fortified city with help from a horde of orcs>group comes to aid the city and breaks the siege rather easily>the inspect the civilians to aid them and heal them>one of the priests of the Smith God comes and tells them their temple was raided>they ask what was stolen>"a small magic item that will repair any simple object, or a single magic item, no matter its conditions">they ask themselves what broken object the enemy wanted to repair>ohshit.jpg>they frantically reach the old ruins>no signs of the tablet>they come back to the capital city>they only find ashes and corpses
>>34155836Whoa.That's an awesome way to punch players in the guts.Was the BBEG behind it, or was it one of his minions that saw the opportunity and took it?
>>34154516>not through the vidya and the games
>>34146073>After a long forced deep sleep the ancient evil awakens.>Through long prison time and hope to one day to be free, added with constant"Reintegration into society" by the good gods the ancient evil is a functioning member of good society.>It's actually called bob now, it doesn't want to be reminded of its troubled past.>Bob convinces all his evil cultists to also rethink their lives, start again. Join the church of the good word.>Don't be evil, be like bob.
>>34155464Weekdays they just hang out in the pc's stronghold talking shit
>>34154245>SJWizard>maleYou clearly haven't been on the internet long enough
>>34154473>>34155260To be honest, I'd completely forgotten about the undead thing when I wrote that. But now the mental image became even funnier.>It was an average day on the Tavern the usual bards were playing music in the back, people were drinking and making merry. All was good.>Suddenly, the door busts open and an armored figure wearing a cloak enters.> The music stops, all eyes turn to follow the terrifying figure as he walks towards the bar, sitting down on a stool and bringing down the hood of his cloak.>His face was handsome, that of a great king or emperor, but the left side of his face was a scarred mess, and his skin was missing in places, revealing the muscle beneath.>All who were gathered there immediately recognised what he was: an undead lord.> His eyes scanned the room, watching the terrified faces os the crowd and then, with a frown He said:> Oh, come on! I had a long day here! First I was ripped from the afterlife by that jackass necromancer and then had to walkall the way from the ruins in plate armor! Do you all have any idea how uncomfortable it is to walk six miles wearing full plate?> I don't wanna deal with terrified villagers on top of all that shit. All right. Barman, gimme a beer and get one for everyome else too. And do you have any bards here? I'd kill for some good music.>Everyone in the tavern stares at the newcomer. The barman shrugs and goes fill the mugs while the lead bard experiments a few chords on his guitar. The party begins anew.> They lived a couple miles away from ancient magical ruins. It wasn't the weirdest shit they'd ever seen in the village.
>>34156110>SJWs>Not sometimes male"Just because I have a penis doesn't mean I'm not a lesbian." - actual quote from an SJW
>>34156740Hey. I wish I was a lesbian girl
>>34150799I don't get the *clink* part.
>>34156801They didn't say they were a girl. Lesbians can be male, apparently.
>>34145704>party investigating xenos cult>given two times by their informant for possible meetings locations>investigate the first one>just a regular illicit gambling den>party scum walks away with a space-pot cakeOnce and a while its important to throw a red herring at your characters just so they don't think EVERYTHING you do ends with them shooting stuff.
>>34156740They could be trans, dude.
>>34155944Second plot twist: one of the minions named himself new king of the realm, sending heralds around. When the party captured one of them, he revealed that the minion backstabbed the BBEG after his great defeat in the ancient ruins.The party reached his small citadel and discovered that it was merely a trap to blast all the citadel with them, as it was guarded by mere orcs.Truth is, the BBEG always knew that the tablet was broken; during their showdown in the ruins, he had prepared all sorts of tricky spells to save his life while trying to act very frustrated. His idea was to make them think he hadn't planned this. The players didn't know his full spell list, so the plan went smoothly. Had he prepared directly some more offensive spells, he would have gone down taking a few lives with him. But he wanted more than that.He desired deeply to get revenge for all the times the party had defeated him, so he created a perfect trap: a citadel full of dumb minions and his faithful commander, acting as bait for his long-awaited enemies. He would eventually raise him again, if he served his purpose well.They got dimension locked as soon as they entered the vault-like throne room of the minion boss, complete with a stone golem. As I explained the situation through the commander's mouth, they were speechless.Cont.
>>34156865>Trans>A man who has had surgery to become a woman>Having a penisWhat a terrible surgeon they must have seen.Although really, if you're a guy who is into guys, you're straight. If you're a woman who is into guys, you're a lesbian. If you have a penis, you're a man, and if you have a vagina, you're a woman. Transvestites are not women, they are men who dress up as women. I will use female pronouns if they want me to, but biologically, most are male.
>>34156906>believing that physical appearance/genetics have any bearing on genderStay ignorant, anon.
>>34157052>believing that physical appearance/genetics have any bearing on speciesCheck your cis-human priviledge.
>>34157101>believing that physical appearance/genetics have any bearing on being a post-trans-bi-panda-mocha-frape-sexual-kin, ho identifies as female.Get on my negatively privileged level.
>>34157136>believing that having a physical form has any bearing on existenceCheck your non-transcendent life form privilege, meatbags.
>>34145704>An Ancient evil awakens>And finds love and meaning to existence
>>34156895Two players (rogue and cleric, as they had played a big part in the foiling of the BBEG's plans) died fighting to make sure the other two would survive: the fighter and the wizard got out of the vault, but saw the BBEG's army in the distance and knew they couldn't run so fast nor fly away or teleport. The fighter had been bestowed upon with a not!Holy Avenger that could be shattered in a not!seppuku to save the character by sending him to the Acheron, but him and only him. As he offered it to the wizard, the wizard refused, and said that he would resort to something he wished he could have avoided. Then, he called a devil he had previously met (when the devil was at the BBEG's service) to bargain for his own life in exchange for his soul. The devil transported him to hell and gave him some sweet new spells, but made him swear to claim the crown of the kingdom for himself and rule with it.The two remaining players got separated: the fighter leveled up as rogue and then, surprisingly, as paladin, having seen the bad side of war and coming out reinforced in his faith. The wizard finally tracked him down with the help of the former cleric, now playing a tiefling artificer (the fourth player abandoned), and together they came back on the material plane, where they surprised the BBEG by putting up a perfect heist: they got smuggled on his flying fortress (he had been building up power too), stole his tablet and left a copy so finely crafted with illusion spells, explosive runes and maximised glyphs that when the fighter appeared from the shadows to deliver the finishing blow, everyone on the table repeated rhythmically "SMITE EVIL! SMITE EVIL! SMITE EVIL!"He went down fast, and they even took care of his clone, but then the wizard took the crown from his decapitated head and crowned himself king. The paladin looked at him, shrugged, and proposed to make a democracy and to save some seats in the council for themselves.
>>34156814I think it's either supposed to be her getting a boner, or dropping the sword from excitement. The dragons face suggests the former.
>ancient evil awakens>turns out back then the definition of evil back then was sheltering and protecting the less fortunate of society from the aristocracy
>>34157205>believingCheck out this scrub
>>34156906They could be pre-surgery, or simply being transgender
>>34157392Transgender means people who've had a sex change. Otherwise, it's transvestite. And transvestites are men in dresses who you call women, but biologically, they're men. Same with pre-surgery transgender people. They're biologically women after the surgery, even if they're mentally women beforehand.
>you are the chosen one prophesied to defeat [x]>the prophesies were outdated
>>34157444they're PHYSICALLY women after the operation--they're still biologically male. it's not like the surgery changes their genetics.
>>34156827if there greek yes they can be male as lesbos is a greek island
>>34157444>They're biologically women after the surgeryWait, you mean they've perfected the replication of nerve endings, added in a womb, and have been able to change their voice boxes asides from toning down cartilage to cover up the adams apple, not to mention change their chromosomes genes and cells?First the Ebola cure then this, what else have the elites been withholding from us?
>>34157528Immortality, lunar hotels and seat in the galactic government.
>>34146219>Adventurers sells all of the loot they find no use for.>Abundance of bronze, silver and gold jewelry, weapons and armor cause a massive drop in prizes.>Economy of the country is devastated due to massive drop in prizes because of too high amount of equipment compared to demand.
>>34157444I'd even take issue with them being mentally women beforehand. They mentally SEE themselves as women, that proves nothing regarding mental architecture.
Is this SJW shit being posted ironically. Please tell me it is.
>>34157889actually transvestites don't necessarily mean that the person doesn't identify with the sex they were born with. The reason behind it depends on the individual, but a person can be perfectly happy living as a male and still wear dresses on the weekends.
This thread is a goldmine. How can I store it with the least amount of work possible?
>>34158060archive it on sup/tg/
>>34158060>control+A>Control+C>open notepad>control+VYou didn't say it had to be pretty.
>>34158037You're right.>>34158060Have you tried archiving it on sup'/tg/?
>>34157559It's maybe better that way. The galactic government is full of prick.>>34157444Transgender means the person doesn't identify with the sex they're born with.Transsexual means the same thing, with the added point that the person may have sex reassignment surgery on them.Travestite means the person cross-dress.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TransgenderThe point is that someone who identifies as a woman and prefers could have a penis.
>>34158207>>34158277I don't know how to do that.>>34158230Thank you. Gotta remember to check this thread later and repeat the process in case more stuff appears.
>>34157528Don't forget changed chromosomes
>>34158299Who gives a shit about how shitty the gov is? I just want alien hookers.
>>34158315>I don't know how to do that.
>>34158556Yeah, that's a button. Where do I find that button? I know it's not in 4chan. Or is it?
>>34158512Oh, we're not allowed to travel there. Only to have a seat in the government.>>34158315The thread is archived, just fav it: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/34145704/
>>34158678Just did that. Thanks anon.
>>34146360>Turns out the wizard responsible for it was a lich and seeing century after century of gloryhunting belligerent conquest minded monarchs decided to see if he could make a deterent.>"Oh, you and your army want glory do you? You want it bad enough to have to listen to 'Awww, looka da cuuuuute lil bunbun!' for the rest of your life? What about 'Daddy daddy its a bunny, can we keep it?', how does that fit you? You have 3 days to beat those swords back into plough shares mighty general, before you start risking being forever known as 'Goorkaak the cuddly-wuddliest' to children. I beat death every second of every century; I can sure as hell beat you.">Party discovers this.>"'Perverse wizard'? Oh, that. Yeah, well, I'm more bones than flesh and blood so I got nicknamed the boneman. Than that became the boning man... then... well, you get idea. Nicknames tend to change over the centuries. For a while I was called the bonnyman, which I liked but dickjokes are always going to stand the test of time.">Investigation becomes grassroots campaign to get lich recognised as a peacemaker and philantropist instead of a creepy abomination living the life of a stoic hermit.
>>34146491Princess kidnaps dragon."DADDY I WANT IT AS A PET OR I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN."Dragon hires you to serve and witness a court order ultimatuum from the Highcourt of The Continental Empire himself to either return the dragon's kin within the week or by absence or response grant a Cassus Belli and claim of divine right to the dragon for the kingdom.Your players are most feared amoral cutthroats in all the land: lawyers.
>>34157825What's the difference? If your thinking-organ thinks it's a woman, how does it not have woman-thinking architecture?
>>34159221The thinking-organ could be wrong. After all, what reference does he have of what "thinking like a woman" is? He hasn't been inside someone's head, thought their thoughts, felt their feelings.
>>34145704Sounds like an episode of the X-Files.
>>34159353Noone has any reference, because they have nothing to compare their experience to. You can't try both sides.
>>34146360>"You there! Rabbit-thing with the flower basket! What was your profession?">"I was a prostitute!""I see... and you, with the hat?">"Ditchdigger, sir! And drunkard.">"And... what of this garden?">"We used to burn plague victims here! And if we don't trim back the bushes, the flowers block the entire road!"
>>34158968I had a most amusing comic picture once: Some company assumed ther somebody was infringing their copyright. So the boss unleashes...the lawyer riders.Literally people who ride rabid lawyers into battle. Or court.
the townsfolk of a simple rural village have hired you to protect them against the bandits who rob them in broad daylightturns out that it's just the tax collector
>>34153612Corruption and betrayal? It'l be just like my japanese world of warcrafts!
>>34159562>Lawyer riders>not lawninjas
>mysterious spear from another world, capable of penetrating any armor from a distance and striking down any man or beast with a thunderbolt, provided the ritual and the offering of lead and alchemical powder is applied>it's a musket
>>34146221>>34148115>actually implying they aren't
>>34157302In what universe do you live in where dicks make a "clink" sound when colliding with metal
>>34157302>>34160026It's obviously her dropping her armored underwear
>>34146215> "Kruel Klown Koalition. They're racist clowns."MY DIAPHRAGM IS CONTRACTING INVOLUNTARILY.
>Something interesting is happening somewhere>Instead of giving the party a concrete scenario, allow the party to wander and piece together what's going down by following daisy chains which determine what's going to happen>Most likely they get bad information somewhere down the line but even in light of fucking up horribly they still manage to complete their quest
>>34160026When the dick is diamond hard
>>34157444Nigga, I'm a dude. I know I'm a dude, my junk also agrees with me that I'm a dude. That doesn't mean I don't look stunning in a sundress.
>>34154931*tips le fedoraI see that you are euphoric as well, good sir!
>>34154088>>34160697Why sir what fresh and original memes!Anyway that "like the Bible" reference isn't atheist in this context:>I've used that as a basis before, where the ancient divine evil used his incredible power to make life again, then slowly became worshipped as a good godThat there's Gnostic.Pic related, it's you.
>>34160620I wouldn't call you a transvestite if you're just a guy who wears women's clothing because he thinks it looks good. I played a pantomime dame in a show when I was 14, doesn't mean I want to be a girl.
>>34160935Anon buttblasted, more at 11.
>>34146137I think there was a manga about this. (mostly perfect fit.)
>>34154931Except the>He's been asleep so long the world has already ended and there's no one leftSo it's nothing like the bible.
>>34150154But marche did nothing wrong.
>>34161421You don't know that. The divine source of information could be lying about creating the world from scratch, and you have no way of telling.
>>34161705So what your saying is that it's like the bible in that it contains information that is not in the bible? In that case, it is also like the Vedas because,> The divine source of information could be lying about creating the world from scratch, and you have no way of telling.
>>34161036Just ignore him, he thinks he's being cool
>>34160942>Thinks transvestites have to want to be a girl.>Has never heard of Eddie Izzard
>>34151761>the party hears of an evil female wizard, clad in red robes with a grudge against men>they track her down>it's actually Edwin(a) making a cameo
>Party is sent out to seek an artifact in an ancient crypt>It was looted years ago, and is now home to a small village of kobolds
>>34156906>Guy into guys=straightI think you're confused.
>>34156906>if you're a guy who is into guys, you're straightyeah okayokay
>>34150154>there are some future people who are going to stop the bad guy who is doing a long spell to destroy a whole city and the bad guy isn't a bad guy you just think he is and the real thing they should do is get a book and go to a cave andChrist.Judging by the way you write, it's no wonder the party couldn't follow what the fuck you were doing.
>Party helps a cult of the God of Life to become the state religion by overthrowing the church of the Shadow God>Turns out this particular cult forbid any medicines and healing arts, both magical and mundane, because they says it isn't right to extand life by any means not provided by your biology
>>34158968That reminds me, we once played a group of lawyers in Call of Cthulhu. After playing for 4 hours, we ended up determining that Cthulhu was formally correct. Needless to say, the world was destroyed.
>>34162831>Also, to prevent the shadow god's return, they make standing in the shade illegal>Everyone gets sunburn