Hear ye, hear ye, I call to order another meeting of the Mage Guild. All involved, assemble.On the agenda for today: the king has instituted a new law forbidding the building of towers of over four stories without additional "ruining the skyline" taxes. While it isn't retroactive, this tax does have implications for our towers currently under construction, to say nothing of future towers. We'll have to start paying almost 1.5% additional gold per tower, which, assuming we complete all planned towers and then don't build any more, will be an increase of just under 0.008% of our taxes to the kingdom. I don't need to tell you that that comes directly out of the Alchemy budget.So! Do we file a formal protest, refuse to pay, or what?
King? Taxes?Why arn't we ruling over the world yet?
>>35505297Like hell it will! Why don't we get rid of the solid gold Golem and just build an iron one instead.
>>35505297I know this isn't my area of expertise, but what if we went back in time to build them?
>>35505297Why not make the higher stories float, and file them as separate buildings?
I see no problem in conforming to this new law. It is of our own volition to build high towers and, as you have said, we could just build them to four stories if we do not wish to incur a fine.After all, if you would have outcry over as reasonable a regulation as this, what is to be said for future laws?
>>35505297You only do that because we make philosophers stones and could sink the entire financial system if it wasn't for the conservation of gold law we get stuck with.Frankly if you are just going to put all the cost on us as your fellow magic practitioners lower down the tower, we demand some decent cellars, and some proper damn locks.I can't tell you the number of nosy apprentices that get into my stores without permission and never leave again.
>>35505297Just burn his castle down, it was ruining the skylight
>>35505297WHAT!? But I'm rebuilding my tower right now, this is unacceptable! I motion that we replace the king at once!
>>35505445You always motion for that.We never do.Are you building your tower in a swamp again?
>>35505408Travelling backwards in time is currently restricted under Empyrean code 126.e, save that the necessity of the travel represents a counter to a D-class or higher threat, in which case any motions to be granted temporal passage will be given haste. This hardly qualifies for such a necessity.
Why not just augment the earth beneath the tower? It can't be helped if the tower happened to be built on top of a conveniently placed 50 meter tall near cylindrical hillock.
>>35505477Oh come on, it was at least a decade since I last motioned we replace the king. As for the swamp thing... no comments.
>>35505297That's preposterous. There is nothing more beautiful than a 50 story tower peaking through to the heavens. Except maybe a 51 story tower.>>35505445I second this motion, we should get a changeling running for the moment and start endoctrining the newly born prince right away with pro-arcane ideas.>>35505477I think the rule only applies in inhabited area where there is a skyline to ruin.
>>35505297Who made you Archwizard? Hmm!You aren't even old enough to remember when there wasn't a Mage Guild.Why back then we didn't even have towers, I learned wizardry in a ditch under a hedge. And it was snowing. I had to dig the snow out of the ditch every morning before cantrip practice
>>35505548Physical labor?Sounds like a shitty wizard to me
>>35505529What you have suggested is highly illegal. I have informed the Empyreans, as well as the king himself, of this notion.
>>35505523See>>35505529I think your good, But do remember to make the foundations properly, we don't want to have SOS messages to dig necromancers out of the mud again.>>35505548Hey, you been drinking that medicine i made you? You know it upsets your gout when you get grouchy.
ALRIGHT, HERE IS THE DEAL: SOMEONE HAS DARED INFLATE MY EYEBALLS!REVERSE THIS CONDITION AND BRING ME WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, OR ELSE YOUR LOVED ONES WILL BURN!!
>>35505577Begone, snitch>>35505527I cast invisibility on this post
>>35505584If you feel an injustice has been done to your person or property by another through magical means, you can petition for a civil investigation on the matter at your local chancellery. I would be willing to help resolve this matter.
>>35505577No no wait, I think there must be a loophole we can exploit, right? Help a group of wizards out here!
>>35505502Then let those of us who need towers build them with basements and subbasementsOr you could just go to a new kingdom
>>35505584Joke's on you; I don't have any loved ones!
>>35505638I was always a fan of the floating sky towers.Why did they fall our of favor again?
>>35505636I spent the first two centuries of my life removing as many loopholes in legal code as could be exploited. To ask me to find new ones is unthinkable.>>35505638Basements and subbasements in this nation are, in fact, legal, provided that the property beneath your tower is registered to your ownership. If this is the case, you may apply for a restructuring and constructing permit that will allow you to build to your desire in the area.
>>35505672Because some jackass decided to start dropping them on peopleand one or two kings got drunk and walked off of their sky castles.
>>35505297We will feed his blood into the eternal tesseract to the gate to TABULA RASA may open and the joyous scientific observation shall be of begin. His taxes are of feeble money when we hold cosmic power. He is not fit to rule us, nor his court of fleshed weaklings!
Has any one seen my boss? I can't seem to find him
>>35505690Alright but give us options here, is there any law where could we declare independence from the king without him being able to send the army to our doorstep? I mean sure we can handle them but we always loose so many apprentices when that stuff happen.
>>35505646DO NOT TRIFLE WITH ME, SORCERER!!!! ONCE MY SCRIBE-MAGI FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THAT FUCKING MAGICAL CLOCK, I WILL BE ABLE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO BURN YOUR PARENTS BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO PRESTIDIGITATE!!
>>35505736Damn. really? I still have a holiday home over the Southern seas in a sky tower. Personal use only. And no i will not rent it to a dark lord in need.>>35505742Mez mez mez, Drink your medicine and go sit down again. SOMEONE GET THE DRIED FROG PILLS.
>>35505774Are you suggesting you would like to violate Empyrean statues?
>>35505672I've an idea:Why don't we simply build floating sky towers with 'basements' that happen to extend to ground level?
WaitI've got itI have been reviewing past records and I believe we should turn the king into a loli
>>35505766You could declare your property a sovereign nation and seek legitimacy from the Empyrean Council, at which point the king would be required to file an official war declaration in triplicate, submit it to the Ethics committee for examination, and have it approved before he could legally lift a finger.
>>35505792Here they are, anything else you need while I'm here?
>>35505862You got two days from graduation?
>>35505844Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that motion actually passed?
>>35505862I shall never be contained. Prepare for your insides to be feasted upon, expendable mortal!
>>35505862Dried frog pills, bullfrog preferable.Oh and stay away from the people who actually need them for christs sake, its why we have alchemical golems.
>>35505889I believe there were only two members of the guild present that day, but it seems that the lolimancy department got funds for that project.
>>35505922>>35505889Age Regression magic is technically legal, yes. But as with all modification magics, it requires explicit and written consent from the target, who must be proven to be right of mind and under no coercion.
>>35505880Yes sir, and for some reason everyone looks at me like I'm about to explode or something. But they did give me this nice red robe.
>>35505931Hasn't stopped them before>>35505938Just watch yourself ok?
>>35505814SILENCE, FOOL!!! MY DOMAIN, THE REALM OF KILLGORIA, EXISTS OUTSIDE YOUR EMPYREAN REALM! DON'T ASK ME WHERE THE FUCK IT IS AND HOW THE FUCK THAT WORKS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD IT EXPLAINED TO ME AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, MY POINT BEINGYOUR!LAWS!MEAN!NNNNOOOOOOTTTHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNNGG!AH FUCK, NOW I'M BLEEDING ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE SENSE OF ALL THIS TO ME!
>>35505970You may have bitten your lip very hard sir
>>35505938>red robeOh christ, did no one teach you anything?Prestidigitation those robes another colour for a day or two. Keep your head down, and gods forbid don't be on door duty.
>>35505963If you require treatment for dyslexia, kind assistant, I can locate such a service for you.>>35505970Are you suggesting that the Empyrean Council is not the supreme legal authority of this plane?
>>35505931Didn't the King send in a request for us to bring back his youth or something a year or two back? Does anyone have the papers?
Bah, who needs tall towers anyhow. Dig 'em 4 stories UNDER the ground, I say.
>>35506016No thank you sir, I belive that I have got it under control>>35506043Let me look
>>35505963Will do sir.>>35506013Actually I should be on door duty in two hours, are you saying I should get someone else to fill in for me?
>>35505297The only reason I came here was because someone called about a rogue dracolich from last meeting.
>>35506043This sounds an awful lot like a loophole.
>>35506109It was nice knowing you. I shall send letter to your next of kin
>>35506003YES THAT MIGHT BE IT.>>35506016I HAVE PAID FOR VISITS FROM MANY COSMOLOGISTS, AND THEY HAVE ALL TOLD ME THE SAME THING: KILLGORIA IS PHYSICALLY PART OF THIS PLANE BUT NOT METAPHYSICALLY. IT IS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT IT IS THE LATTER THAT DETERMINES THE DOMAIN OF THE EMPYREAN COUNCIL, SO BITE ME!
>>35506109Yes.hold on.Right, take this order slip to another of the apprentice drags in a lower year. Don't matter which one just do it. Then come back here. If they argue bring them back with you.
>>35506115Ah excellent, if this legal mumbo-jumbo doesn't work out we might need that Dracolich under control for storming the castle.>>35506125Of course it is, but last I checked it's a valid one... assuming we find those papers.
Someone sign for these Portable Holes?Givin me the willies.
>>35506043AAAAAAAAH YES, I HAVE THEM RIGHT HERE!
>>35505297My esteemed Archwizard, can we not simply use the powers of our more Chrono-ly inclined members to build all tower in the past to be and then take up residence in them in the future as need be?
>>35506169Found them! Here you go sir . Please do not ask where I found them. It was rather embarrassing
>>35506174Oh god not again.....Someone bought the drinks to this meeting? I need some firebeer to handle this.
>>35506167Will do sir, don't worry I'll be right back.
>>35506174Perfect! Let us begin with the preparations!
>>35506162The words of soothsayers and cosmologists hold no legal weight. If you wish to classify your nation as one metaphysically separate from this plane, you will need to organize a meeting with the Partition Committee, bringing with you the necessary forms of Planar Secession, as well as a council-verified emissary to the metaphysical plane with which your realm is joined.I have notified the Partition Committee of your interest.
>>35506174>>35506199Excellent work, now let's get those lolimancers who devised this plan and fix this problem once and for all....wait, are we actually getting something done during a meeting?
>>35506252I would like to think so sir
>>35506169>>35506174Permit me a brief examination, if you will....These files are up to code. I'll allow it.
MAGIC STAFFMAKE THE KING A LOLI!
>>35506252...Don't Jenix it Bone Head!
As chair of the Faculty Board for Practical Applications of Extra Dimensional Research I would like to suggest we continue building our towers as high as we bloody well please and circumvent the local law by shifting the stories above the fourth to another dimension.A dimension similar to ours in every way except for this particular law.Furthermore I would like to request additional funding for the faculty I represent so we can launch a research project to find aforementioned alternate dimension.
>>35506270You will need to use proper terminology as fitting with the intent of the king's request, after all. But since it is legal, I will not object.
>>35506270What is the meaning of this?
>>35506252We all know this is only going to come up again next meeting. The king will just get bored of being a loli and ask to be turned back.Then ill have the head ach duty of getting Rita to take her damn medicine again.>>35506281Professor that sounds brilliant!until someone collapses the dimension portals and we end up with tower chunks and poor wizards scattered through 10 dimensions.Were you not here for the demberk debacle?
why can't smash puny king and make tower as tall as want???
>>35506297How long have been working with these people?
>>35506313Your age regression request came in, now if you want to be male cut out this tax nonsense.
>>35506281As these dimensional portals would remove the offending stories from interfering with the skyline, it seems reasonable. That said, you must have the appropriate transdimensional permits, which can only be obtained once the location and destination of the portals are known and approved.
>>35506335Approximately 49 minutes and 14 seconds.
>>35505297Wait a minute. Since when did we pay taxes?Is this because of the towers made out of solid gold? I bet it's because of that.
>>35506174Let the sacrifice commence! The Tesseract has been OILED.
>>35506321Alright I managed to get one of the other apprentices to fill in for me, he was hesitant at first but I told him "What could possibly go wrong?" and he agreed with me. Nice guy, told me about that girl back home he was going to marry once he graduated.
>>35506384That explains it. These people don't play by the rules. Hell, one of them blew up the moon to give the planet a ring.
>>35506239AAARRRRRRRGGHHGBLRRRFG!LAWYER MAGUS BLAFERM AND HIS CONJOINED TWIN BROTHER BUREAUCRAT MAGUS HEAJITCH, I SUMMON THEE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAPERWORK!!!
>>35506321I would have you know that we have made leaps and strides of progress in the field of dimensional gate stabilization and tamper proofing the sustainability spells. Although I do suppose a substantial structural increase in funding would allow us to allocate additional capacity to maintaining and securing any dimensional shifting performed by our staff or alumni.
>>35506426I'll remind you we replaced that moon, no harm done.
>>35506349Do as he says, I got hit by that spell a month ago and I'm still a girl.Not that I mind it anymore. It's good to be a girl.
>>35506426Everybody is always complaining about the same old stuff!....And it was 100% justified
>>35506396Those towers were of good opportunity, the aurum plating will reflect the Tsseract's holy light and rip way through the void. Science will be had then!
>>35506423Good man. Now, can you grab me some Firebeer?If your a good lad ill teach you how to make some napalm bombs.>>35506435ah man. Ill get the juniors to start cracking out gold then shall i? Its going to be a while to get the funding. Gold conservation laws and all that.
>>35506423Apprentice, I need help testing out some of my tattoo magic, might you bring your friend with you?
>>35506460Still, the moon was blown up. By 1-3 wizards, I can't remember the exact number
>>35506426Master Biscuitbarrel is a serious researcher, don't you dare speak ill of him.
>>35506426They did replace it, as per the Empyrean statutes of celestial conservancy. All perfectly within regulation. They have a tendency to misdeed, but also an intelligence that allows them to know the proper channels.>>35506431Wonderful, your compliance is appreciated. Blaferm, Heajitch, I will direct you to the appropriate location for this paperwork to be filed.
>>35506510IT WAS THREE. yes. I am a wizard. Look at my beautiful, smooth, non-rubber skin. I am within the count. Do not doubt me.
>>35506511Was it him? I can't rember
>>35506505Tao-Tu, He had better come back with all limbs attached... and functioning. You know how i dislike the wastefulness of losing apprentices.
>>35506520Have you seen the flesh-warpers offices?!?!
>>35506504Here you go sir.>>35506505That depends, is it the same ones as you tested last week? Because I've heard the stories.
>>35506546I won't find anything ILLEGAL there, will I? I hope not.
>>35506530Well that's a first>>35506559I don't know. But you might want to prep some brain bleach if you go in there
>>35506559No, but it is under budget. I'd advise you to keep your distance from any unoccupied assistants needing reagents.
>>35506547Do not be silly, my spirit trapping tattoos don't need any more testing.This is a tattoo designed to open up ki channels to promote health within the person touched.>>35506530You offend me and my tattoo companion Tai-Gar. We will not be losing any apprentices from this experiment of mine.
>>35505297I propose we just build into the ground. Or just start building full on campuses. Towers are easily destroyed anyways.
So you folks mentioned you had a demon problem lately?
Ah, Gentlemen, has anyone seen my scalpel? I need it for... dentistry down in the basement. I think Mez stole it. Also the 40 Orphans I graciously adopted. Anybody seen them/ If somebody brings me both they'll get a peppermint.
>>35505346>>35505297We'll pay the tax, with the gold that we draw out of base metals.I mean really, we're wizards. Can't we just alchemy up some Au? Fuck seriously, all we have to do is just open the portal to the Gold Realms.This is a non-issue. Why don't we talk about more pressing matters? For instance, the whole halfling question. Or maybe the fact that the liminal barrier against the Abyssal Planes hasn't had any maintenance for at least two decades?
>>35505297This is preposterous! We already have to outsource construction work due to concerns that our reality bending powers are harmful to the working class and runs them out of jobs. And now we have to pay extra? We need a proper, ominous tower to be foreboding and climactic, and as it stands my league will be running short on money for our new facilities!I say file a protest. A very very strong one. And show some sort of proof of our seriousness on this.
>>35506528It was he. I'm proud to say I got all of the basics of magic form him, he is a genius. Now a quick briefing, as you may know, I used to be with the fighter's guild. Also used to be a Cromwald rather than Cormina. Stuff happened, transformation spell. Anyway I've just met the head of the guild since we are still on good terms and oh boys, isn't he pissed off with us. We need this feud solved at once.
>>35506559Would you mind waiting 4 or 5 minutes, the 9 headed mouse is not easily hided
>>35506625Sorry buddy, can't let PCs in while they bosses are talking.
>>35506313YES, AND NOW I'LL TURN YOU INTO A MONSTER TO DESTROY THOSE PALADIN RANGERS ONCE AND FOR ALLLLL!
>>35506625No. We do not. Look at me, look at my normal face. Would we lie? No. Go home my friend. Drink soup with family before too late.Line.
I got a message about lots of blood being spewed all over the place, this the right room?
>>35506664They made another one?!?! I shall prepare my fist for when it gets loose
>>35506670Dang. Alright, when's a better time to come back?
>>35506546I have, we did a great multi-disciplinary project with them for a customized demi plane.Something about a scrying- and soundproofed location for extra curricular experiments
>>35505297Start building the towers into the ground.I never open my windows. Who here does? Who leaps out windows to escape explosions anymore? Who uses natural light.
>>35506606>>35506580I am above disgust, save that I feel for violations of the law. However, I will attempt to maintain myself should I have need to go there.>>35506639Due to the high risk of inflation, bringing in precious materials and currency from alternate realms or otherwise manufacturing it alchemically is heavily restricted. And seeing as the mage's guild is not an industrial outfit, such restrictions fall upon it.
>>35506559Mine is clean of such things, I'm more interested in self-improvement.
>>35506692When they need you, they'll summon you.
>>35506692>>35506670Who is that?
>>35506625I'm sorry sir, you need to take the contractor's entrance and sign in at their front desk if you're offering freelance services. It's under the refuse bins behind the food court.
>>35506718Alrighty then, be seein' y'all. Also, tell that Mezdarath guy I'll have a cure disease potion for him when I get back, he's lookin' kinda pale...
>>35506682I happened to remove that spell from your memory, Rita. Help me find my Scalpel and you can have it back so that you can destroy the kingdom as we have planned.Also you'll get a free peppermint.Peppermint anyone?
>>35506713No, you just want to put a dick on everything.
>>35506691Poor little things, they have a kind heart, their man eating obsesion its just some minor deviation...
>>35506655If you wish for a formal discourse, it can be arranged.
>>35506698For once I'm in agreement with you, the Guild has strict rules for the creation of of gold and has since long before I joined.
>>35506744>destroy the kingdom
>>35506758Ok then, so what did they cross breed this time to get it?
>>35506749...No, I want my own body to be able to reject poison and make its own sustenance. I want to be more than human.
As a student of Ayn Randalf I believe we shouldn't let the government parasites tax us like this. It's not our fault we can build our towers taller than anyone else's!>>35506697But what about when you need to let out air such as in alchemical experiments.
>>35506639The liminal barrier between ours and the Abyssal Plane is scheduled for maintenance in five decades, but I suppose I could have a few under grads look it over.Really, nothing to worry about, probably just a few localized portals, nothing stable or high capacity...
>>35506698Bah, restrictions don't apply to magic.All we have to do to reduce inflation is turn the gold that's here already into something else. I suggest something along the lines of straw, or some other basic cereal crop.
>>35506281you're thinking too small. instead of building higher stories in a parallel dimension, why don't we,bear with me here,why don't we create a network of demiplanes connected to the fourth floors of our towers. that way, not only do our towers become effectively connected, but we can let peasants and adventurers pay us to use the network as a way to quickly travel anywhere in the world.
>>35506655It's not easy ending feuds with the Fighters Guild, because every so often someone enchants their entrance to transform them into girls, or cats or catgirls. I mean it's been a while since it last happened but it was a quite regular occurrence for a while.
>>35506804What purpose would producing gold serve if you turn a proportional amount of gold into another substance? The latter isn't illegal, but it is highly illogical.
>>35506777I actually have a question about the law. Would you please indulge me and answer it?
>>35506803The patterns of magic there were a bit unstable last I checked, but then again, when aren't they?
>>35506780This time we tried a different approach, we droped the dragon and used a seahorse as the catalyst, were speacting big thing this time...Really big things
>>35506803>>35506739>>35506718Lets send that crusader along with them up the mountain.They're liable to starve to death or something.
>>35506777What, you thought I meant OUR kingdom, no, no. I meant the Gnome Kingdom. It's the smallest so it's a good test run. Gnomes also have some of the easiest genetic code I've ever seen. I don't know why you guys shun my inventions, like "that useless Electron Microscope" or "Pointless DNA Sequencer".
>>35506797Ah, a randalfian. How exquisite. We can always use more individuals who have sufficient self-esteem to not rely on leeching so much as a single copper of the guild's funds or resources to embark upon projects to their completion. I can't wait to see what results your unique talents can create from nothing without the aid of anyone else. Best of luck to you.
>>35506837Absolutely, young one. To familiarize the public with the law is the best way to strengthen their potential.
>>35506833To fight inflation of course.The Banking Clans do something very similar, but it's all imaginary instead of magical.
>>35506839Ok then, shouldn't be to much trouble.>>35506883Is it legal for wizards to manipulate unborn babies so that they will make an assistant who can put down most of their rejects by punching?
>>35506904It is not the position of the mage's guild to handle economic affairs. Leave such matters to the bankers and politicians.>>35506869The gnomes, as a lawful and sovereign recognized by the Empyreans, are under no circumstances to be 'destroyed', especially without a formal declaration of war and appeal to the Ethics committee.
>>35506690YEAH, OVER HERE.>>35506758THAT'S WHAT ULGOTH THE RED SAID 5000 YEARS AGO WHEN GRULTGH BEASTS WERE INTRODUCED TO THE SWAMPS OF GORELUST. TO THIS DAY, NO HUSBANDROLOGIST HAS BEEN ABLE TO BREED A STRAIN THAT DID NOT CRAVE THE FLESH OF MAN.
>>35506870Randalf's economics are pathetic, they exalt the elite and rape the poor. No economic, or natural, system functions well like that. This extends to the cells and bodily systems as well.
>>35506869I for one, appreciate your inventions, even if I much prefer the study of mystical patterns as an identifier of the characteristics of living beings. You know how they say big things come in small packages? Gnomes' essential threads are very tightly woven, though not pulled as taut as Dwarves'. That said, unweave at the right place and they fall apart to the level of the soul. Interesting parallel with your science, far as I'm concerned.
>>35506904Imaginary money! Baha, what silly human concepts.
>>35506959Raping the poor you say?
>>35506929Using modification magics on a fetus is illegal, save for cases where it is necessary to allow the child a normal lifestyle or prevent an otherwise fatal condition. This does not fall under such exceptions, so no.
>>35506838Last planar survey indicates there are several most peculiar planes that do have stable magical currents. But the data is not conclusive and we have far more pressing avenues of inquiry to research.>>35506855Splendid idea, as long as it doesn't cut into our budget.
>>35506996METAPHORICALLY! NOT LITERALLY! DO I HAVE TO GET LITERAL ON YOUR ASS? I HAVE FIFTY TENTACLES WITH YOUR NAME ON THEM!
>>35506999Ok thanks. Now if you excuse me, Ihave to go punch some stuff to death. See y'all later
>>35506830Oh, it has not been a while since I am the last fighter you did it. Since them I've adapted, you may say.Now down to the brass tacks. They are mad with us beacuse we "stole their kills". You know, random monster appear, fighter draws sword and bow, charge happens... and then one of us snap his fingers and suddenly it is all over. They say this is doing bad to their affairs. They seems to think they don't get paid enough because of us.
>>35506953Yeah, were really proud of those lovely animals
>>35507023Hey woah hold up now, those corpses were raped when I got there!
>>35506870I made a perpetual-motion machine. Your sarcastic compliment is invalid.
>>35507057Rape is highly illegal. If you would point me to these corpses that I may discover the perpetrator, I would be much obliged.
>>35506952I've already destroyed the Orchid Elf Kingdom, the Gnomes are next, no matter what you say. Unless you accept my request to change my title to "Head of Biology" instead of that frankly insulting "Pseudo-Alchemy", it'll be one superplague after another! >>35506966I always knew you Cowls were of good taste. And yes, I too have noticied the similarity. I don;t often dwell on spiritual research, but the similarity between Spiritual Construction and Biological Construction inside of the Gnomes, lead me to believe that they might have been the result of a past experiment of ancient mages.
>>35507057Tentacles are too good for you, time to go full spikacles. Enjoy the pleasure of being poked inside.
>>35507071You placed an imp on a hamster wheel, sir.
Ok, I'm back. Turns out that thing could not take more than couple of punches.
>>35507097Open confession of illegal activity. As genocide is an offense above the mortal nations, I have informed the Justiciars of your violations. They shall be here shortly.
>>35507004Not at all, muscle is a dime a dozen.
>>35507122... isn't it the same?
Wow, thats some freaky snowstorm out there. Anyway I'm the new Transfer Studen from the Tarlenoth Academic Order of Applied Arcane Study and Research, I believe my Transfer papers should have made it already. If not I should still have a copy of my transcripts and Letter of Recommendation from my previous Archmage.So who do I go to for proces-...Oh Dear Lord what is going on here?
>>35507023Actually, Randalfians do rape the poor. Literally.>>35507122An IMMORTAL imp.
>>35507148Technically yes, but when one of our members declares innovation for performing something that apprentices do in their dormitories for momentary amusement, our imperative is to regard it accordingly.
>>35507097LAWBREAKER DETECTED. DO NOT RESIST, YOUR APPREHENSION HAS BEEN MANDATED BY EMPYRIAL AGENT ANFARTHON.
>>35507184Do you happen to be a man of wealth, ma boy?
>>35507137This shall be most entertaining
>>35507097I'd have to check for signs of Pattern tampering. It's possible someone went and started weaving threads at their leisure, because that kind of specific soul structural instability despite an otherwise stable existential structure is indeed odd.Most species do not have mystic features that overlap so strongly with physical ones.
>>35507186All imps are immortal. Consult the necessary literature on the nature of devils, if you feel you can spare the time to correct your apparent misconceptions.
>>35507194Now, now, sometimes the simpler way is also the most elegant.
So building a tower that is taller than 4 stories is taxed now?What if we build the tower AND then we modify the terrain? Technically the tower would be 4 stories tall, if is standing on a 500+ metre mountain is a whole different matter.
>>35507186Wait, they do? I believe it's time to get some Randalfian killing dogs made.
Hey guys, what rune was it for opening the portal to the elemental plane of catgirls?
>>35506830But that's too funny to stop.
>>35506821what universe do you live in where letting people with no respect for our research into our towers is considered a good idea?
>>35507234Only if they don't require constant vigilance in their most basic functions. Need I remind you of the now permanent imp urine stains in dormitory eleven...
>>35507184Which class will,you be takening? I'm the assistant to the head of Applied Magic by the way
>>35507253Do you want me to have to round them up with my modified catnip? NO RUNE FOR YOU!
>>35507137>>35507223Take this meatdoll for all I care, I shall simply craft another in the Subthermal Depths! I still have PLENTY MORE bodies for my, for my cancerous consciousness to envelop! You will heed my research! I swear it!!
>>35507233Regardless, it's a perpetual-motion machine, and it shall completely replace all other sources of power.>>35507240Meh, it's about time the Randalfian gig stops before it runs dry anyway. I am now a dragon breeder.
>>35507239Any geomancer worth his salt could whip up the ol'd piledriver for yea, but why build up when ye can dig DOWN.There's more gold down there anyway.
>>35507239Terraforming requires an official permit, one that is not offered to guilds, but individuals or corporations. If the owner of the property would like to alter it, he or she can apply for such a permit.
>>35507253The Chariot Rune on top of the Witch one. Obviously. *snickers*>>35507273This is why I didn't get into the Wizard Guild earlier, you know? There is no need to put up such a ruckus for a bit of urine, I've slept in places with stench way more obnoxious.>>35507280Ignore this guy, nothing is more Applied than bashing heads with sword and sorcery!
>>35507328Oh? I have some draconic spunk left over, do you want a sample or two?
>>35507223I CAN STILL SUMMON MY OLD MINIONSRISE FROM THE DEPTHSUNGOLIANT
>>35507226Not especially. Both my Parents served as soldiers in the Tarlenoth Royal Army and eventually retired to farm-life, though they had connections to let me study at the institute. Mind you I worked and studied and relied on my own skill and wit to get to my current level. That was before circumstances happened that led me to transferring here.>>35507280R&D of Applied Shamanism and Hedge Magics, with a few minors in Biomancy and Agrigarian Arcanism. If I'm lucky and get good enough grades I plan on applying for a Journeyman's Terra-forming Permit.
>>35507331And adamantine too, yes, but then you run the risk of digging into hell, and who wants to be the one who unleashed the demon legions and balrogs by digging greedily and too deep?
>>35507322ANY SUCH TRANSGRESSION WILL BE MET WITH COUNTERMAGICS, YOUR SOUL BONDED TO THIS SINFUL VESSEL AND BROUGHT TO TRIAL BEFORE THE EMPYREAN COUNCIL
>>35507253You've been misled. That plane is a sham thrown at overenthusiastic and conformingly deviant newbies like yourself.The alleged portal there redirects into a plane filled with furry beasts of miscellaneous description in rut, and will only reopen exactly an hour later.
>>35507381Good luck with that then
>>35507377NO NO NO NOT AGAINFUCK THIS, I'M NOT LETTING ANOTHER GIANT MONSTER RUIN THE GUILD MEETING AGAIN!
>>35507359>This is why I didn't get into the Wizard Guild earlier, you know? There is no need to put up such a ruckus for a bit of urine, I've slept in places with stench way more obnoxious.Regardless of your aesthetic opinons, it did exhaust the cleaning budget near the beginning of its relevant six-month financial period, and for naught.
>>35507377You are displaying signs of psychosis. If you like, I can direct you to a mental care facility.
>>35507392Hey, do we got any of thse in the dangerous beast vaults?
>>35507382Dinna stop me ancestors and won't stop me, by Breunstrongdur's Beard!Besides a rousing deamon battle will work out the ol' stormaxe.
>>35507184Just the usual meeting, don't worry this rarely ends in anyone dying, and we have actually done something about the problem this time. Now how do you feel about joining the Necromancy department?
>>35507418If I'm allowed, I'd suggest a better cure. It is shaped roughly like end of this guisarme and goes straight trough the head. Wanna try?
>>35507427Please do not harass the Justiciars, they exist in a constant state of righteous fury and do not take lightly to 'transgressions'.
>>35507418I AM NOT CRAZYIF I WAS CRAZY, WOULD I SUMMON A GOD DRAGON TO DESTROY THE EMPYREAN YOU CALLED?
>>35507392Oh man, you guys still think I have a soul? You're slower on the uptake than even Rita! No, no, "Pestarzt" is dead. Died 50 years ago in a freak lab accident, Soul was seemingly obliterated as a result. I'm just some shmuck who was kidnapped off the street and rewritten by Pestarzt's remaining servitors to share his personality and ambitions. Take me for all I care, you'll never find the source. He never was big on Soul magic. I was never big on soul magic.
>>35507414Dont worry, the big fly swatter must be around here...somewhere
>>35507486Ancalagon, along with Ungoliant, are long since deceased. It seems Cromina has a solution to aid you, though.
>>35507427We used to have a hole basement just for those guys once, no idea if we still do.
>>35507486Motherf-god dammitIT'S MORHING TIME!
>>35507444Do you not recall that under the Ulrist act, digging into hell is illegal and punishable by a 100,000,000 gold fine?
>>35507522Want to acquire another?
>>35507486... I got the feeling you need to chill out. Either we start hitting you with the best of our charme magic or I start hitting you with the pointy head of an enchanted warhammer. Your choice.
>>35507404Thank you. I have no idea what is going on right now, so'll I think I'll just go through my journal to see if I made any errors on my research on Discretionary methods for Ectoplasmic Dire Rattlesnakes.>>35507455I have done minor research into necromancy, though only in application on researching the ecological affects of Ectoplasmic organisms on various different biomes. We used to have Ectoplasmic Rattlesnakes and Millipedes all over my old campus. they weren't really dangerous, just annoying. Even used one of thier pelts to make my professor a new set of boots....I'm not sure if I should be talking about my old Professor right now.
>>35507520DEATH AND TIME HAVE NO MEANING TO ME!AHAHAHAHA
>>35507538Ahl be fine as long as there's more than a hoondred million gold in Hell, right?
>>35507509You are not a terribly good liar, "Pestarzt". >>35507545Imprisoning Justiciars is highly illegal, young assistant. If you wish to learn more about their rank and composition, you may submit such an inquiry to the Personnel Committee
>>35507588No. Apparently, your don't remember the incident involving lava tubes, a lever, and sixteen bars of soap that led to the Ulrist Act.
>>35507486I think I'm going to hand in my resignation if this shit keep happening...
>>35507595I'm not actually that young. My first employer saw it fit that I be stuck with a youthful appearance so that I cound not retire. He was kinda a dick, and trust me, that justice got nothing on some of the shit I have seen
>>35507532Ooooh, aren't you a cute one? I can morph too.FLESH MORPH A GO GO!
>>35507567We got plenty of those rats. Mainly we hit them with swords, axes, fireball, chain lighting, spiked chain, spiked chain lighting and so on. Does this qualify as research for you?
>>35505297We build the whole thing above the sky line, that way every one wins
>>35507509Is that truly how it is? Remarkable! To completely re-thread your pattern into such a dutiful and genuine looking recreation of another's... Well, that is how it would have worked on that level, at least. I suspect some sort of magical or alchemical preparation was involved for suggestion, wiping, and repurposing of your soul.
>>35507649WE'LL BUILD THEM UPSIDE DOWNIMAGINE A WHOLE OTHER WORLD ABOVE US!
>>35507680We build them on their sides.
>>35507666Of course. I'd tell you more about the Massive Creature Made of Voidworms that helped them do it, but i'm a bit busy being taken away by a ludicrously inefficient and lazy Celestial law Syst-
>>35507257I'm not saying let them into our labs or libraries, I'm saying have some sort of separate visitor path within/to the demiplanes, where travelers pay a toll to enter.think of it this way. we have towers all across the world. lots of people wish they could travel all across the world, and would willingly pay to do so, but cannot go very far because they don't know how to use magic, and it would take years to travel those distances by foot. by creating a network connecting our towers, and letting people pay to use it to travel abroad, we obtain a steady supply of money, and the adoration of the lay people.
>>35507642>spiked chain lightingYou have my undivided attention.
>>35507545Only if he starts causing to much trouble, from what I remember once you capture one of these the rest of them swarm in like if you rattled a hornets nest.
>>35507642Sure, Field research and Relocation would be excellent, We did it all the time at my old Academy. Luckily they taught all students in our program survival skills as well.>>35507641This is just like one of my Eastern Picto-Lexicons. I think it was called Zetman or something.
>>35507731That's what we got Tarrasque for
>>35507742>Zetman.Gods damn it, kids these days have no knowledge of the classics.
>>35507708>inefficient and lazyI am living proof of that statement's falsehood.>>35507731>>35507752Do you intend to capture and/or maim Justiciars? This is highly illegal.
>>35507666Dear Emmerach, I didn't realized you were here! Come here, share a drink with me and let's talk about this research I got to enchant daggers so that they start crying out loud the intro of some bardic hit when someone draw them. I got the idea when a thief tried to slit my throat. For the fifth time. In a week. Guess the fighters didn't take well the fact that now I work with you.>>35507730Take the spiked chain, smite his molecular structure so hard it goes crying to mother nature such is the pain, and enchant it with a spark spell before it touches the floor. Then go bonkers.
>>35507742Very interesting, but I think you might want to get going before things heat up to much. Getting the feeling a fight or two is about to break out, so unless you feel fine about standing in the crossfire, well... I suggest you follow that apprentice in the red robe over there, he should be able to show you to your quarters. Just run if he starts asking what could go wrong or in other ways tries to tempt fate again.
>>35507822Oh don't worry, it is my duty to mitigate any such fighting. Why do you think I was assigned to this place to begin with?
>>35507822No apprentice stealing, Gorth, I thought we had an agreement on this!
>>35507838To be a damn thorn in our sides. We bend the laws of the universe here, why should we kowtow to the legal system?
>>35507790My old pproffessor used to do something like that spiked electric chain, except it was with rulers, and the lightning was only enough to lightly shock. *shudders*>>35507822Thank you Master, I think I'll stand outside. Or do you guys have a greenhouse I can visit?>>35507839Or I can go with you too. Either is fine.
I bring a veriev of Grave Warningv. The Empyreanv are not long for thiv world. The Magacolov will voon retirn from the Void. The King iv falling into Rita'v thrall, within itv new body. The ham in the kittchen iv fill of Jargel'v old mold.
>>35507783I have to ask, did you fill the necessary paperwork to aprehend mages during the duration of a guild meeting?>>35507790My, is that you Cromwald? You... sure seem different. I guess I was right on my supposition that the rest of your metaphysical make up was eventually going to reshape itself to match the forceful reweaving.What's this about enchanting daggers so they act as alarm systems? I can think of a few ways to do it.
>>35507875You choose. It its boring old wizards that way, smoking hot multiclass girl this way. Should be easy, mh?
>>35507874How about we just feed him to the Tarrasque?
>>35507839W-what are you t-talking about? I-I haven't stolen any apprentices in y-years.
>>35507874Because bending the laws of the universe is highly illegal. The Empyrean Council has grown concerned with your rash and amoral behavior of late, and would like to try and progress your studies in a more lawful manner.
>>35507875You should come with me, the necromancy department is offering our member a very good health plan.
>>35507898Were you familiar with Empyrean legal code, you would know that the apprehension of those who violate legal statutes is permitted in any and every necessary scenario. Since the Bureaucalypse of 3156 AR, we have trimmed down on regulations that impede the workings and maintenance of the law.>>35507922I would appreciate that you did not attempt to do so.
>>35507928I have complied with your laws too much already, I have limited my studies to my OWN body. Is that not enough for you? MY BODY MY CHOICE YOU ASSHAT!>>35507922No, my fleshpit is a good enough disposal unit.
>>35507898Oh, I'm so glad you actually remember me. Yes, I got a period of transition but it is all fine now. Guess dating bards helped me out, they surely know how to make a woman feel important and beautiful. But I digress. The plan is we craft a massive bunch of them and we start selling at low prices as +3 daggers. Flood the market, until we are the only ones who still sell daggers, and them bam, we got no more problems with sneaky assassins. Any idea?>>35507926AH! I'd like to say only: AH! You are not fooling everyone.
>>35507752I thought the robo-tarrasque decided not to attend further guild meetings?
>>35508013My apologies, I did not mean to refer to YOUR studies in particular, merely that of the entire guild.
>>35507919>>35507966*loud sweating* Ummm considering the reason why I transferred to begin with, I think I'll just go to my dorm and, um, read my books. Y-yeah.*Lunchbag of Holding rips*M-My Spaghetti! Not Again!*Starts to run away*
>>35508060Clarity is key in communication, you fucking asshole. I thought a Lawmagus would understand that. I guess I was wrong though.
>>35508060You do realize there's a guy very clearly made of Void Worms inside this Guild that's planning to open a Door to the Void, and by extension, the Tabula Rasa?You really are as lazy as the Plague man said.Am I the only one who notices these things?!
Alright, I have to go so bye. Also, the Tarrasque is loose, so good luck with that
>>35508066You are going nowhere *trips with spiked chain*... Man I still need to think before acting, no need to make him falling face to the floor when I could just Hold Person... Whatever. Choose now.
>>35508119Oh no, I am aware of the Voidworm's presence. That said, we do not arrest based on mere intent, that would be immoral. Once he does act illegally, we shall apprehend him. Until such time, we observe and seek to prevent such events.
Alright guys, I've called in the liches' lawyers to help deal with this Lawmagus. However they are currently stuck in multiplanar dispute that the head of my department somehow got caught up in. And considering the way time flows in some of those planes we have no idea when they will ever show up again.
>>35508136Is it any wonder that this place was regarded as unlawful? I have no doubt you and your guild members are competent enough to detain the beast, however. It would be unfortunate if I were required to planeshift this thing.
>>35508136aw. he's not a sapient mage anymore.
>>35508136The Tarrasque is loose? Well that's my cue to get back to the plane of fire, got a guild hall to rebuild, yup, very busy... good luck guys.
>>35507998I am fairly sure your own regulations do not overrule the general purpose guidelines, especially not during the events of a guild meeting. And this applies to all mage orders, as to prevent unfair application of singular rules and overruling of inner regulations by laws that only apply to certain separate branches.>>35508017Glad to hear that worked out for you. That certainly sounds like a lucrative plan, though I might say the scale you have in mind is possibly a bit... too big. If I help run assassins out of business, some of my League mates who often play antagonist roles might not be pleased. That said, alarms only help so much I guess!We could do a mass summoning and binding of sprite-spirits to the structure of the daggers and task them with that specific function, though for maximum efficiency the daggers would have to be of appropriate materials, and that might lower profit margins. It would take some time of preparation, but a mass reweaving could simply instill that job upon the pattern of the dagger itself. That said, to avoid weaking its remaining attributes, it would be more prudent to add threads instead, which would be a greater power expenditure and of greater complexity, in a way.... Maybe we could employ blood magic for a boost.
>>35508152I'm sure you'll arrest him, what, weeks after he unelashes a gat eto the dimension full of creatures that erase reality with their very presence?Because it took you 50 fucking years to get to "Pestarzt", when they've been murdering people for over 70 years now.
>>35508144P-please! I transferred to get away from MILF-Professors and focus on my studies! Please!>>35508136Actually...Yeah, I'll go Deal with that thing! Kaylaterbye! *Casts Quicken Expeditious Retreat and zooms off*
>>35508136Meh, that's someone else's problem. Someone'll recruit some adventurers from a tavern or something, I dunno.
>>35508269I do not know what chronological scale you are using, but until he could be convicted of crimes surpassing that which the local government is responsible for covering, he is not within our jurisdiction. >>35508242There is no legal system that supersedes the rules of the Empyrean code. If such an apprehension is necessary, it will be undertaken wherever and whenever is needed.
>>35508242You know, sometimes I got the fighter instinct kicking in. Just now they are wondering why don't we just raid the assassins guild and intimidate the fuck out of them. But I guess you are right. Damn, it is hard to be a primary spellcaster. Anyone could please get some sprites ready?>>35508272... Oh, COME ON, I'm just 25 and look as I was 18, how comes so many of you single clas wizards just don't have any fruitful conversation with your hormones? Geez...
>>35508308God damn it, I thought that I was rid of you.
>>35507897Do none of yoi livten?! The King iv within the thrall, and voon the Tevveract vhall be bloodied. None, not even the lawfil jivticarv will withvtand the coming tide of the Paravitev of time and Vpace, heed my warning, for the end iv near, if yoi do not act!
>>35508317RULES OF NATURE SUPERSEDE YOUR SHITTY RULES!
>>35508430Than wizards fuck the rules of nature in the arse- come on Carniflex, it is not like you aren't one of us. Kinda.
>>35508418If you believe that the king is under coercion from Rita to act in manners outside the interests of the state, such a report can be filed at the chancellery and an investigation into the matter will be held.>>35508430Mother Nature was found to be guilty of destruction of government property and is currently being detained indefinitely.
>>35508468... Can't we just beat the crap out of that winged brain thing, it is really creeping me out...
Ladies, gentlemen, and beings of questionable origins, I say we should send one of our own to the neighboring country. We should petition to their queen for safer trade routes for all the reagents and paper we buy. Our king clearly has no concern whether or not we receive our proper shipments in full.
>>35508317The history of your own regulations is meaningless in this case. The moment the Mage Guild was recognized as a greater organ and your order as a part of it, you became subordinate to its rulings, Lawmagus.>>35508374Could be because they'd all have steel ready to drawn on us from the shadows the moment we walked in. A friend told me that most of the time it's like there's no one at all attending their meetings, yet every time a courier walks in they get shanked before they realized what's happened. But, my dear colleague, overwhelming force (through magical nuking in our case) is one method I believe fighters and mages can agree on. I'd recommend directing your energies towards that sort of approach every once in a way. It could be acclimatizing.
>>35508449You forget, I have MASTERED the rules of nature. I am a Warper of the flesh, after all. I have TENTACLES for fuck's sake.>>35508468You need to get laid, might I suggest my own services?
>>35508382Heh, you won't be rid of me that easily. It was a good attempt, though, I'll give you that.
H-huh wha? What's going on here? Guys, I told you to make sure I wasn't asleep. I know it's hard to tell what with not having eyes or eyelids, but you can tell I'm awake by the pinpricks of light in my sockets. What did I miss?
>>35508533So, I see you joined me in employment at the mages guild then?
>>35508522I do not serve the mage's guild. As mentioned, I am on assignment here by the Empyrean Council to curb illegal activity. At this rate, they will need to send a second lawmagus...>>35508530I do not have flesh to warp. That said, I have been so occupied with my position that I have not had time for a relationship since I first ascended to the duties of the Council.
>>35508530Carni, baby. Hot gluing pool noodles to your shirts does not mean you have real tentacles.
>>35505297High, I'm looking for the, uh, Page Guild? Is this the right place?
>>35508585Faulty logic when "magus" is part of your title, sir.
>>35508565Yeah, I never even intend to follow you, and we still somehow end up working together. It's kind of annoying, to be honest.
>>35508585...I do have a spare vessel that you can use to have smoking hot, safe, consensual sex. Handholding included if you really want.
>>35508530>tentacles >get laidI'm listening>>35508522Yeah, I know. It is truly relaxing to blow up something here and there, and aa a wizard I got creative ways to do that and also can push aside the blame by just crying "For science!".Priceless.So what, guys, ganking the assassins guild? Fireball to the roof if yay, Chain lighting on the walls if nay! VOTE STARTS NOW!
>>35508542yo Cerik, we still have that department meeting about how people were arguing over whats the most effective forms of undead to use for manual labor around here.also i swear i leave you lot to your own devices for a minute and you lot proceed to burn down half the country.
>>35508468Okay, get real here yoi arrogant imbecile. Yoir lawv have been proven qiite ivefil, and have regained yoir Paltry Empyreanv the trivt of the other covmic beingv, bit we have exivted vince the beginning, jivt av yoi have. Yoi have grown drink on yoir hold over thiv Zone'v idiotic inhabitantv, and ignore yoir peerv, yoi too will viffer the eternal wavte if yoi heed not my warning. We have the Clairvoyant Vpherev hold more knowledge than yoi can know. Now go get that king or viffer the conveqiencev of the Grander Venate. I Apologize for the vpeech impediment, bit it iv impovvible for oir "fingerv" to reach into thiv world certain flawv, hopefilly we need not enter in fill.
>>35508604How dare you, I will have you know that keeping these things well lubricated is a great drain on calories.
>>35508642hell I hate when I got hit with a No-name curse. Ok, who was that?
>>35508611It's more for the benefit of the common than an official position. My title proper is "Anfarthon Aegelis, Agent of the Empyrean Council and Decreed Legator".>>35508625You have always acted lawfully in the past, so I am inclined to trust you. That said, what exactly is this vessel I would inhabit, and by what process will I be transferred in and out of it?
>>35508653Hey Ae-Oul are we still on for the galactic chess tournament on friday?
I, uhm...I...think I'll just...go now...maybe wash my mind out with bleach...>>35508669Cool tentacles, though.
>>35505297Why don't we just use extra dimensional spaces?
>>35508689You can Astral Project, right? Just do that into and out of the vessel.
>>35508653This is not my position to discuss, unfortunately. If you are as influential as you say, the Council will be glad to converse with you. I have notified them of your interest....Wonderful, they are willing to discuss the actions of Rita and the potential misdeeds that could result therefrom.
>>35508721>implying we didn't try that alreadylast time we tried that a pack of rabid psions dumped a demiplane in the extradimensional space and filled everything with illithid juice.took a month and a half to clean out the lower passages enough for them to be useable for classrooms.
Ahxcuse me Jentlemen, But Haff you seen miene young apprentice around? 'is name is Zaldricht, und he recently Transferred 'ere to dis Guild. He's Aboot 5'9" und zis is a picture of ze two of us before he left.Can somevun direct me to 'im so zat I may apologize und take 'im home?
>>35508721Because what is the point with being a wizard if we are not wizarding the shit from the top of a 15- stores tall building minimum?
>>35508701What, who let you in this meeting? How did you even get in here?
>>35508737When I am allotted leisure time by the Council, I will gladly take you up on your offer.
>>35508767i think i saw him in the transfiguration area a couple of hours ago, 15th floor, second door on the right, hopefully he didn't piss off anybody while up there.
>>35508767Ah, that one, I remember. Seems to have problems with women, I don't get why. Very indecisive. Are you here to take him back with you to the academy?
>>35508767Dammit, who let her in here? Last time she was here she tried to kill my pet chimera.
>>35508645Unfortunately yes. Talavart the Grim has expressed he want's to start it off, I told him I had no problem with it, but if he started spouting off the benefits of using non-human subjects primarily for necromancy I would animate his skeleton while he was still alive and slowly force it from his skin. If I'm not there at the start, or asleep, make sure that happens.That being said, the original problem here is the king doesn't want our towers reaching to the skies...I honestly see no problem with this. My catacombs expansion proceeds as planned. Soon the dead will choke the streets of that wretched city an-Er...Something...something...using magic to help mankind something...something...
>>35508771Oh, sorry, I was just looking for the Page Guild. Must have taken a wrong turn or something.
>>35508689Not sure what you're doing here then, given we tend to keep our messes self-contained. I don't think I've ever seen you attend one of these meetings before.>>35508672>>35508642Chain Lighting sounds much more intricate.
>>35508814to be fair, your pet chimera is often mistaken for a flesh golem and people keep trying to make the damn thing do work then it bites someones head off.
>>35508841I imagine you wouldn't have seen me at such a meeting before, I was assigned here just this morning. And your 'self-contained' argument was lost when an Eldrazi was summoned in a recent meeting.
>>35508814To be fair everyone try to kill your chimera, Aleester. Maybe it has something to do with you letting her take a nap in the apprentice dorms every so often?>>35508841I know. It rises the probability of wizards being lazy and casting fireball, thus seconding my plan. Neat, mh?
>>35508834i still think we should just monopolize the negative energy plane and spread half the catacombs through there but your the boss.Also are you seriously going to listen to Talavert? last time we tried one of his cooky ideas we had to go into hiding for a few months because he managed to piss off every single pantheon by turning all the godlings into atropals.I still don't know how the hell he did that.
>>35508845And THAT is why I put a collar on him with his name in big letters. If people are too stupid to take the five seconds to check to see if it's my little Mishi, and not some brainless golem, then I say they deserve to get bit. Besides, it saves me the trouble of needing to go into town to get his food.
>>35508877Yes, but did it go anywhere before the fleshwarpers and the eldtrich nethermancers made that abomination based on an Abyssal being to restrain it?
>>35508902i don't try to kill his chimera, i just don't like the fact it is literally the laziest piece of shit ever conceived.
>>35508778Tell, me when and I will make your world gloriously ordered in bed.
>>35508608That's on the other side of town, buddy. You might want to skedaddle before one of the more...morally flexible board members decides you need a set of tentacles instead of limbs, or something equally horrible.
>>35508902For the last time, Cromina, Mishi is a he. And he likes the apprentices, or my apprentices, at least, so I don't see a problem with it.
>>35508911>monopolize the negative energy planeWoah, and having the Malevolent Monsters Union up in our arse for that?>>35508933Than you have not seen the body count of this month. Or perhaps you don't give a damn about apprentices getting eaten.
>>35508967Ah, yes, thank you kindly. Off I go!
>>35508877hey i killed the eldrazi just fine, that wasn't much of a problem, what happened was somebody had the idea to try to mentally rearrange someone enough to make them a druid, then the druid got way drunk with power and summoned the damn thing, so i killed it.
>>35508911Yeah, that was the plan actually. The only problem is the strongest convergence point is underneath the dungeons of that wretched king's castle.
>>35508930>summon bigger fishI thought I was assigned to the mage's guild, not the druid's guild.>>35508996Exactly the issue.
>>35508769Okay then, why don't we just make the tower's invisible?
>>35508810Vhy Yes, zhat vould be ze reason why I am here. Zhough, i supposed zhat's miene fault for 'is nervousness.>>35508814How dare you lay such Allegations! I've never vizited zhis guild before, I am var too busy vith miene owne duties in Terlenoth to deal vith such course barbarians zuch as you!.>>35508797Zhank you kind sir, I should start zhere.
>>35508933How dare you. Lazy? Why, I have half a mind to let him play fetch with your tomes and journals.
>>35508753Very well. The Grander Venate will convene tomorrow, I will vpeak with the Oitviderv now. I am pleaved yoi complied, and av vich, will not viffer the wrath of oir fill majevty. Yoi may continie with yoir vtandard ditiev. >>35508692Of coirve. Baydown Riinv at Veven?
>>35508970Yes, he love them. With tartar and lettuce if possible. >>35508992No you don't. Stick Around. I'll found a use for you.
>>35508971I care very little for anyone here, even less for groups not present.As for the bodycount, it progresses as expected. I submit that Allester should get some kind of bonus for this. Payable from the Alchemy budget of course.
>>35508971let me put it like this Cromina, in Necromancy one of the requirements to become a master here is to learn True resurection since it was originally a necromancy spell.so people die and this gives other students great experience on how to be responsible at the same time.
>>35509021If you're looking for the barbarians, they're two towns over. And I never forget a face. Especially one who dares lay a hand on my pets.
Oh for the love of- I wish you people would hold these meetings at more regular time intervals. Because I always seem to catch the tail end of them.
>>35509033I-I-I really must be going, s-sir...uhm..don't wanna be late!
>>35508622>>35508565Oh thank goodness, I finally found you... say why are you wearing the uniform for the mages guild? Is this because we work in a sewer?
>>35509078Hey there Lupa, how's the Warping going? I've managed to make my tentacles gain spikes when I desire.
>>35509051>>35509056Finally, some people who actually understand the real reason I keep that chimera around.
>>35509026yes.>>35509024do you remember how last month it slept for 2 weeks straight, blocked the entirety of the main passageway in the catacombs and the only person who was allowed to go near it was you?your pet does that type of thing regularly, i just wish it had an actual spot to stay that wasn't in the middle of everything all the time.>>35509017I don't see an issue, a mess was made, and i cleaned it up, i don't understand why you are so flustered.
>>35509021Wait wait wait, milady. I'm not sure if I want you to take back the boy. I have a few thing in mind for him... or with him.>>35509018Emmerich, Emmerich, this is something that didn't changed with the spell, I actually get the same quantity of sexual desire then I did before. Just changed orientation. Care to explain?>>35509109I can Time Stop, don't worry.
>>35509017You did not just compare the Mages guild to the Druids guild.
>>35509122I personally couldn't care less over what went on here in the past. My only concern is to avoid such problems in the future.
the druids have a guild?
>>35509137That is probably a quirk of the way your Pattern was reoriented that didn't require that particular thread getting pulled elsewhere. Interesting, though.>>35509017Well, we cleaned it up did we not? And note my use of the work "made".> Make Bigger Fish
>>35509122Well, I wanted to use one of the older, unused classrooms and convert it to a room just for him to nap in, but someone, and I'm not naming any names, keeps throwing my petitions away before the headmaster has time to read them.
>>35509137Really? I hope it iz nothing lewd or depraved, else I vould haff to punish you. Und besides, I haff virst dibs on 'im.
>>35509158ok, i'm just letting you know, not everybody here is a lawless buffoon, and half the time i'm off making sure things don't go to shit, so if you need help keeping order just come get me alright?
>>35509203You cleaned it up, yes. After extensive damage and collateral SAN loss in the surrounding region.
>>35509204You know how I get when I'm handed paper directly. Or how I feel about petitions.
>>35509117Pretty good, actually, I recently combined a Drider with a Bebilith, and the result has been very useful. I had to modify to Drider a bit beforehand though, to make it more controllable.
>>35509116... wait wait, were you not at the Monsters Union convention?>>35509120You three are just a bunch of lunatics, you know?>>35509203Fine, i guess. It is not like it bothers me. Or anyone else. Go asking to the Bards Guild, Tee hee.>>35509234What kind of punishment, milady? Because I'm sure I can take it without even breaking a sweat and then pay you back so hard you'd beg me to take your apprentice.
>>35509204Wow that sucks, you know what i would do, just do it anyways, its not like anyone but us and maybe the alchemists use the catacombs anyways. If anyone complains tell them you want to talk to the headmaster in person.
>>35509116Oh fuck, oh fuck, he found us! Time to Punch!
>>35509287I'm certain the bards were very satisfied. Cheers!
>>35509287look we actually arn't lunatics, the thing is the lot of us are cynical as hell because seriously have you ever met a crazed pyromancer or alienist?those guys are 100 times worse then us and you will find as time goes on you need to deal with their type of shit on a regular basis, so you quickly get sick of stupid shit.
>>35509278Ooooh, I've always wanted to try to gain Drider legs, but the prospect has always been out of reach for me. Any tips?
>>35509252You're a centuries old skeleton. You should have learned to be patient enough to read a one paragraph petition. All I want is to give him a nice place to sleep during the day, otherwise, he'll continue to nap wherever he chooses, and everyone is gonna blame me for it. And while I am usually a kind man, I do not do well with the same ten or so people barging in on me during teaching just to bitch and moan about Mishi sleeping in the hallway again. I mean, we're mages, we can just use a teleportation spell to get around him, but NO, everyone prefers walking in the halls instead.
>>35509287"I'm something of a jack of all trades.">>35509324I lose more assistants this way.... You lot take good care of that one, he's good fellow with a strong head on his shoulders if a bit too moral for my line of work.... but seriously, fire his brother, he is just the worst.
>>35509287My sister said that right before I completed the ritual. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Or was I screaming? Or Crying? I know not.
This meeting seems to have wound down to an acceptable level.>>35508966I suppose now is as good a time as any to ake you up on your offer.
>>35509341Well, unless you're a drow, the only way to gain drider legs is to warp yourself onto a spider or a drider. And honestly, I don't really think it's worth it when you can just wear boots that let you walk up walls.
>>35509340>cynical as hellNo, you aren't. I should know myself, since I go to the church of asmodeus since I was 8. >>35509382No, no, a friend of mine saw you, I'm sure. A little fey lady, always excited, name is Alina. Tells you nothing?>>35509389... yes.
>>35509289Well, I would. But, just between us, there's an alchemy professor who keeps stealing my lunches. I'm kinda just sending in the petitions knowing the problem will never get solved because most days, Mishi naps in the hall right in front of his door. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
>>35509365Yes, but if I approved such a petition then I'd have to go back to sending out minions outside of school grounds to collect corpses. Much easier to just let Mishi make them for me. Also it does my old bones good seeing Mishi eviscerate the screaming apprentices so.
>>35509287Not ze sexual kind, zhough I zuppose I could invert your pain receptors to make you veel ecstasy und orgasm vhile I crush you beneaf ze veight of mien Arcane might. Und besides, ze 'ole reason vhy mien apprentice transverred vas because I vas too vorvard vith mien teasings. Ze boy is just zo shy, und polite und proper. Is so adorable!
>>35509418Oh hell yes, prepare for a good time. Also, the vessel is tuned to maximal sensitivity. You will have safe, sensual fun.
>>35509435Excuse me, do you know Alina of Rotwood? I'm afraid recent actions by her have been highly illegal. Any information leading to her apprehension would be appreciated.
>>35509435>implying i'm not>implying i don't hate everybody because people are retarded as shit.>implying i'm not simply sick of the 150th apprentice in a day to accidentally animate his own skeleton where it walks out of him, he dies, i bring him back and he proceeds to do it again.
>>35509287Aren't most mages? I mean, we don't do anything too out of the ordinary for necromancers, and certainly not out of the ordinary for teachers here. Hell, the planar mages do worse shit than we do.
>>35509525to be fair, the planar mages are batshit insane and think they are reincarnations of black holes or some stupid shit.
There are a rather large number of necromancers here today.>>35509474...alright, just allow me to separate this legator probe so nothing TOO unlawful goes beyond my notice.
>>35509435I'd be lying If i said I remembered her.
>>35509466Yadda yadda, quit babbling. Wanna duel over that adorable guy? Fine, get your arse ready because I'll hand it to you in no time.>>35509489Yeah, yeah, even if I don't think anyone can claim to truly know her. She is currently busy and probably not in the best of moods, poor dear Alina.
>>35507595That was how we kept the room full of them, they just kept automatically summoning themselves for the infraction. Then they added a loophole so its legal if you already have one captured. We turned off the redirection runes and re-purposed the storage closet for alchemical cleaning supplies, but I think I still have one or two bound into my golems so we should be good to go.
>>35509548necro classes arn't running today so people actually have time to show up for once.
>>35509421I just want them for the odd aesthetics and creepy factor they'd get me. Also, I'm for safe sex with handholding, why the fuck would I be a drow?
>>35509524I for one find it amusing that every day, like clockwork, there's always two or three apprentices who try to animate their own skeletons. You'd think they'd learn after the first time.
>>35509548...What are you talking about? The sensitivity is a mutual thing, so I can't do much without it affecting me too.
>>35509602you would but no, and half the time its the same 2 or 3 retarded idiots who refuse to learn.I just hate apprentices so god damn much sometimes, remember the time the lot of them had the retarded idea to switch skeletons?that was terrible.
>>35509548>>35509576I told the upperclassmen to take all the apprentices to the graveyard for a nice picnic where I presume they will partake in some kind of sustenance. Some skeleton riding games and zombie races are going to be happening later on as well if anyone wants to get in on that.
>>35509548I actually don't have any skeletons with me today, so I had to unfortunately cancel my lecture today. I was going to use an apprentice as the demonstration, but Nyx said it would probably not go over well with the rest of the school.
>>35509660its not even that, its the guy you wanted to use was the son of the nearby king and he put an express written order not to do that type of thing because blah blah war bullshit.
>>35509561Silly Frauline, You are not vorth mien time. I must go und aquire mien protege und make reparations unto him. I've no time to vaste more time on such a trollop. Auf Wiedersehen.
>>35509645Oh lords, were those the ones who had nearly a two foot difference in height? Ah, it was a bit difficult to fix that one, if I remember correctly.>>35509649So that's where my skeletons went. Why didn't you tell me beforehand?
>>35509632Oh, simply that I like to maintain some sort of contact with the area of my assignment when not on duty.I should also warn you, before intercourse, that I have a lawbreaker fetish.
>>35509711yup, i don't know if you remember but they also had that half giant skeleton they tried bringing into that mess as well.It was terrible.
>>35509693Oh, him. Well, the boy kept mouthing off in the previous class, so I wanted to give him a little fright to keep him quiet from now on. I would have put the skeleton back and revived him once all was said and done.
>>35509711I sent one of the Apprentices with a note to see if he could get past Mishi. Looks like he didn't haha
>>35509698You are going nowhere, "meine bitche". Afraid of getting a new sword shaped hole on your head?
>>35509761THE HELL WITH THOSE NO-NAME CURSES.
>>35509761Someone call the guards, this man is murdering a language.
>>35509821Shut up, Stabby, you're not even a real doctor. >>35509760Hm, I was wondering why he had some cloth sticking out his mouth this morning.
>>35509821Uhm, sir, thats a woman
>>35509846I bet it his unlawful to call a lady like that.>>35509821Please, wizards get free languages to no end, I was just insulting that frigid milf bitch.
>>35509718...Whoah, I can cater to that, but that was oddly unexpected. You're a kinky little lawmagus.
>>35509948Good one sir
>>35509860Sure I am.
>>35509909It is true, nothing excites my *id* more thoroughly than punishing lawbreakers.
>>35509761Ohohoho Hardly.>>35510034Excuse Lawmagus, zhis little murderhobo iz threatening violence upon mien person. Could you perhaps protect I, Evandra Brecht, Fourth Daughter of Duke Vranzis of Zwiemirf, from being assaulted? I'd razher not see zhis Guild Hall stained vith blood
>>35509982Dressing in white and cutting people open does not automatically make you a doctor. If it did, then I'd be a bloody doctor.
>>35510084Actually, I have seen his docterate, pardon my spelling.
>>35510034Good thing my rate of healing is far higher than the punishment you'd dole out. I am so glad I got that troll gland.
>>35510062First of all, I'm perfectly Lawful Evil. I follow the teachings of asmodeus with pious deference. And since we came to this, one of those teachings states I'm free to take what I want from the weak as long as I lawfully earn my right to do so. Duels are not forbidden, therefore I'm not breaking any law. Make peace with your god.
>>35510062If there is reasonable threat of harm to your person, I would be glad to offer mediation between you two once my, ahem, business elsewhere is concluded.>>35510121Wonderful, I would not wish permanent harm. Besides, this fleshy vessel is not capable of such feats anyways.
>>35510084the guy actually has a ph'd in demonologyits kind of impressive actually.
>>35510148I'll keep one scar to remember this momentous occasion.
>>35510186Why should I, weakling, I'm not a monster. Just be quiet and you'll be fine.
>>35510216Cromina, I don't know you terribly well, but this lascivious nature of yours could cause issues.>>35510201Ahem, though p-perhaps I am not in a position to object
>>35510139But I am not accepting zhe duel, zherefore it is not valid. If you charge me it vill be assault und attempted Regicide.>>35510186Go ahead und leave boyo, ze exit is behind me. Your guild is in zhe next town to zhe north.
>>35510269Wow, I never thought I'd find a justice dealing entity so absolutely adorable.
>>35510269Good boy, good boy. Lascivious means not chaotic, as you clearly understand.>>35510279Please, I can understand an old lady like you trying to defend the last guy you can even hope to have a grasp on but please do not stole my prey. That's just rude.
>>35510216>>35510279Do I need to separate you two?
>>35510332Aren't you a good boy? And call me mistress, please. More personal.
>>35510373Y-yes Mistress...yes I am, Mistress...
>>35510322Indeed, as long as no actual thralldom occurs and the other party consents there is no issue.
>>35510399Run kid, I shall cover thee
>>35510330I haff been attempting to leave, but zhe wastrel won't leave me alone. Now I haff wasted enough time. >>35510322So long wench.Quickened Duel-Cast Extended Dimensional Door>>35510399Enjoy your trip to the Pages Guild, und please grow a backbone. *Warps him to next town**Warps to 15th floor where apprentice is at*
>>35510400Tsundere lawmagus is a bit creepy if you ask me.And we just did not decide anything about the matter of debate the meeting was for. Seriously, I don't understand why we still do this things if it just boils down to conversation and the occasional abomination trying to tear reality apart. I mean, if I just wanted to get laid, I'd go to the bard guild. Nothing personal, eh, >>35510399...
>>35510481It is one of many reasons I abandoned flesh and blood, now I no longer blush.
>>35510468Well that was anti climatic
>>35510583You bet, I could almost feel the sensation of impaling her on an enchanted burning halberd. Eh, no cure for cowardice. Other than being paladins, that's it. Want to peep while the lawmagus get laid?
>>35510647That unnaming curse sure is a doozy.Also, I am not a fan of exhibition, but if it'll keep you from breaking the law then sure.
>>35510676Actually, I have to go and write some letters to some apprentices next of kin. Bye
>>35510676Sure, whatever helps you to come through the next hour, I guess.It is not like you are doing this for us, i bet.
>>35510712I-it's not like I want to have sex or something, Cromina! I j-just don't want to be underperforming in my legal duties!
>>35510750Yeah, I had no doubt about it. Have fun with the fleshwarper...
>>35510801Oh don't worry Cromina, he will.
Has anyone heard back from the loliking?
>>35510830Actually, Carn, just restrain yourself a bit, the first time with a fleshwarper is rough for everyone.And please do not the marionette number with the tentacles. It is awkward and nearly killed my libido last time.
>>35510884Yes, and I DEMAND you revert me to my original form immediately! This is an unacceptable slander on my person!
>>35510894...I offered safe sex with handholding to him, he is going to get JUST that. With a side of whipping me for foreplay.
>>35510902Please, come with me young lad..I mean sir. I will have you fixed right away. After a few hours of some very special "research" of course.
>>35510949The best kind of copulation. Well, I see no further reason to stay here. If you would show me the way?
>>35510902*Hands the king an equation that should solve his problem*
>>35510902... Does your majesty desire the attentions of a mighty wizard?>>35510969Allester, please, come over here and have a word with the King. Have fun with him, dear.And before I forget, King, when wizards say "we got a problem, meeting to discuss" they are saying "fuck off, we will keep rolling like we did until now and if you have any problem with that just come and say that to the entire guild reunited here. We dare you".
>>35510976Ah, yes my little lawgiver, I will hand myself over to your ministrations.
>>35510902>>35510993abolish the "ruining the skyline" taxes
>>35510995I want no such 'attentions' from this lover of children! And I will be willing to discuss the new tax with your guild ONCE I am in proper form! Watch those hands, Allester!
>>35511036Than you seek MY attentions, King? Much honor indeed, I did not know you where into those kind of things.Listen now, you are hereby promoted Queen AND you will like that. Do you need a compulsion spell, a sword to your throat, or you will just be a sensible chap and decide not to bother the wizard guild anymore? Then we may consider dispelling the enchantment, even if you are soooo cute in you current form it would be a shame.
>>35511016Abolishing it entirely? And then I will have to deal with the extensive complaints from the clergy and the nobility about such towering buildings ruining the view!
>>35511036How dare you. Lover of children? Feh. Where do you get off calling me such? I'd sooner let Cromina into my bed before a child. No, this research of mine is solely scientific.
>>35511133Then explain to them that we're ENHANCING the view
>>35511036Guys I just crunched the numbers and made an amazing discovery. We currently do not pay taxes to the kingdom therefore raising taxes by 1.5% does nothing!
>>35511152Hey, are you saying I am not smoking hot?>>35511133Sure, my QUEEN. Or better, PRINCESS.
>>35511180Let me see those numbers.
>>35511107>>35511183At least return me to a proper age, it is illegal that someone below the age of twenty should rule! And if you wish that I leave you to your own devices, I will do as I can. I make no promises for the rest of my government.>>35511180Well then this whole thing is unnecessary! Need I involve the Lawmagus in this?
>>35511183Your attractiveness matter not. It's the activities in bed that you enjoy that I am against.
>>35511207Sure let me just carry the one, divide it by 0 and... there. See 0=0
>>35511246hmmm yeah, it all works out then. We're all good, guys."
>>35511272Wonderful, this tax has no effect on the mage's guild. Now will you revert my form?
>>35511222The lawmagus, I am afraid, is too busy exploring the wonders of illegality with Carniflex, Princess.No promises? Then no legal age, I'm terribly sorry. >>35511243... wait, it is because I am bi? I don't get it.>>35511272>>35511246Good job guys
>>35511293Of course my king, All you need to do is do something incredibly manly.
>>35511272I dare say this is the first time the mages guild has actually accomplished something. Next on our agenda is...how to deal with a millennia of back taxes we owe the kingdom
>>35511341Oh allow me to work my magic.
>>35511293Why should we? You seem to have grown into your new role quite nicely. >>35511298Are you saying it wasn't you who demanded my company, only to torture me with whips and such for three hours straight? I mean, it could very well have been another shapshifter. Those bastards have messed with things around here for years now, after all.
>>35511341Divide by zero to no end!>>35511293>>35511331Oh boy, I want to see him try. Good luck princess!
>>35511298Sigh... alright, I hereby promise that, as Queen of Adros, no law nor regulation shall be passed that negates the sovereignty of the Ma- >>35511331Oh, wonderful. Here, hand me that log will you? I'll simply split it in half with my kingly musc-right.-that negates the sovereignty of the Mage's Guild nor its possessions.
>>35511382Do not joke about the forbidden arts, Welp!
>>35511382>>35511331Oh god some people owe no taxes to the kingdom. 0/0 WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
>>35511373... No, ok, it was me. Sorry. Misunderstood. But hey, you practically HAVE to enjoy this kind of thing to be asmodean like I am, you know?>>35511393>Oh, wonderful. Here, hand me that log will you? I'll simply split it in half with my kingly musclesGood luck sweetie.>>35511426IT MEANS WIZARDS ARE THE BEST
>>35511426>>35511457BY THE BALANCE SHEEETTTSS AHHHH*Is sucked into the numerical singularity*
>>35511457Yes, I decided it wasn't worth the effort, especially considering your Accountingmancer can't seem to decide what exactly is owed or not.In any case, I made my promise, and will keep to my end if you will keep to yours.
>>35511393Here, you see this bolder? All you need to do is channel your raw manliness and do a pelvic thrust at the rock. With any luck, you should be restored and have a nice statue of yourself.
>>35511499Then let it be no feud between us and your reign, my queen.Well seems we have worked it out, only drawback is I didn't got any. I guess I'll it the bard guild, then.I hereby declare the wizards guild meeting closed. If anyone wants to stay and chill in the halls please remember to summon the key and close the Door of Truth before going away and stay away from the faculty of necromancy past midnight.
And please someone archive this glorious shit, it is epic.
>>35511648Eh, this shit happens weekly.
>>35505529>I second this motion, we should get a changeling running for the moment and start endoctrining the newly born prince right away with pro-arcane ideas.Isn't that what got us into this mess in the first place?
>>35511616>past midnightI would prefer them to stay away from us at all hours if they are not one of our apprentices.
>>35511667SO, you don't want to be restored?