>>36107642
Ester chimes in from where she's wiping her short sword with the snow. Armok help you, she carved through more dogoos than you bothered to count and the Dragon Warrior isn't even breaking a sweat. "Now, now, everyone has their own sets of rules. That's what makes team-ups so legendarily unique in Gamindustri!"

... you decide not to mention that Ester nearly took your head off a few fights ago, so you settle for grumbling a little, even as you take stock of your current surroundings. You're still ass-deep in snow- no surprise, this is the Lowee Snowfields. And while it's the easiest overland dungeon area in all of Lowee... well, you're a dwarf, so caves are your main haunt, not the above-ground world. Since you long since lost sight of the city, and since there's nothing but snow and copses of mushroom trees and hills that all look the same and the accursed uniformly blue SKY that seems to go on forever, you have absolutely no idea where you are.

On the plus side, you're making good time, and there really aren't a whole lot of enemy types going around. Just dogoos- piles and piles of dogoos, the weakest monsters in all of Gamindustri. You're nowhere near as good a fighter as either of your teammates, who've probably killed more dogoos than ten of you combined, but you still lost track of how many you've punched to death with your fancy new gauntlets.

Sure, you could have shopped a bit more conservatively, maybe saved up for however much you need for fortress licenses or land zoning or whatever, but seriously? Murder augments for your fists is money well-spent, right there.

(Cont.)

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>>36107682
Moru's taking down the last of this batch of dogoos, their passing marked by sad little puddles of blue jelly soaking into the churned-up snow; a few of them continue hopping toward your little group, though Ester doesn't seem too concerned as she cleans off her sword.

There's not a whole lot left to do here- but you THINK you see movement out of the corner of your eyes, up that hill closest to you. And then there are the bushes dotting the landscape. After that little debacle involving Red and Blue (right, Dao and Lian), the double asshole freelancers who wrecked half a street back in Lowee's capital and also pledged to get you back for gut-punching them, you've gotten into the habit of making sure no one's hiding in those bushes.

>choose TWO of the following:
[ ] [CLEAN-UP] You know what? Violence helps alleviate all neuroses. Help destroy the remaining dogoos.
[ ] [HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."
[ ] [BUSHES] Check that other shit out first. You don't want to get ambushed by spinning blue swordswomen screaming at the top of their lungs, after all.
[ ] [ESTER] It's a relative lull in the fighting, and you've been meaning to ask Ester a thing or two.
[ ] [MORU] Yeah, you might have a thing or two to ask her, too. Bloody catgirls.

>>36107705
[X] [HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."

>>36107705
Going up as I'm going down to sleep. Oh well.
>[x] [BEER] Beer.
>[x] [CLEAN-UP] You know what? Violence helps alleviate all neuroses. Help destroy the remaining dogoos.

>>36107705
>[ ] [CLEAN-UP] You know what? Violence helps alleviate all neuroses. Help destroy the remaining dogoos.
>[ ] [BUSHES] Check that other shit out first. You don't want to get ambushed by spinning blue swordswomen screaming at the top of their lungs, after all.

Ha ha time for Dorf Fort!

>>36107705
>[ ] [ESTER] It's a relative lull in the fighting, and you've been meaning to ask Ester a thing or two.
>[ ] [MORU] Yeah, you might have a thing or two to ask her, too. Bloody catgirls.
Party chat

>>36107705
[X] [HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."

>>36107705
>[ ] [HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."
This will also give us the high ground. Not to mention a good vantage point

>>36107705
>[HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."

>>36107705

>[ ] [HILL] Check that shit out. Movement out of the corner of your eyes is nature's way of telling you "hey asshole, you should've rolled for perception."
>[ ] [ESTER] It's a relative lull in the fighting, and you've been meaning to ask Ester a thing or two.
>[ ] [MORU] Yeah, you might have a thing or two to ask her, too. Bloody catgirls.

Talking is a free action, right?

>>36107705
>[ ] [BEER]
>[ ] [VIOLENCE]

>>36107705
>[X] [CLEAN-UP]
>[X] [HILL]

Well, you're not going to get anywhere by lollygagging, so you gather up the tattered remains of your dignity, take a draught from your boozeskin, and get back to the fight as best you can.

... it's another point AGAINST Lowee's favor that you can't really run OR trudge through the snow, since you're a bit too short. You kind of have to hop through the snow, which is absolutely mortifying- you /swear/ Ester has to bite back a chortle every time she sees you rabbit-hopping- and what's even worse is that it slows you down more than a little.

At least the dogoos are even slower. With a feral growl, you reach for the nearest of the blue blobs, grabbing its body with your left hand and its... body with your right hand. It's REALLY annoying how few body parts these things have- you kind of want to fight something with breakable limbs and punchable teeth- but you still manage to pulverize it by slamming your liquid metal gauntlets together, splattering yourself with dogoo jelly. The next few monsters meet similar fates, differing only by whether you feel like stretching or squishing the dogoos to death.

(Cont.)

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>>36108556
Once you run out of dogoos to brutalize, you realize that Moru's sort of side-eyeing you. "... can you stop screaming things like 'TERRIFIC' or 'I AM COMPELLED TO KEEP FIGHTING' every time you kill something? It's really creepy."

Hell no; a fight's not a fight without properly screamed epithets, after all. You try to wipe the dogoo jelly off, but only succeed in smearing it further. Eugh. You turn around and start slogging up the hill; Ester joins you quickly, forming a box with her fingers and holding them up to her eye like she's squinting at you through a camera.

"All that drinking, swearing, and screaming... it really runs counter to how you look, you know. It's not a bad contrast!"

... she'd better not be saying what you think she's saying, but you ignore her for the moment, trying to crest the hill without being seen. Or heard.

>Urist Twelfthbay sneaks!
ROLL d20! (dice+1d20 in the email field)
Taking the best of three! DC: 17

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>36108579

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36108579
Gap moe

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>36108579
Dice for dicing!

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>36108579
>Dogoo has been struck down

>>36108636
Nine seconds late. Shucks.

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>>36108636
>4th roll

>>36108636
Urist's luck was just out of reach

>>36108579
>Roll failed!

... yeah, no, you really didn't stand a ghost of a chance. Between your armor and the fact that you're trudging through thigh-deep snow, you probably sound like a kitchen tools merchant who's got two left feet.

And if that wasn't enough, your goddamn phone dings in your pocket.

You hear a gasp- more like a squeak- and something (someone?) gets the hell out of dodge before you even manage to crest the hill. Again, there's that movement-at-the-corner-of-your-eyes feeling, except even more pronounced; it's fleeting, though, and whatever was there rustles through the snow-covered underbrush and disappears.

Ester doesn't seem perturbed by any of this, peering curiously at the greenery. At least it stops her from going on about gap moe and how it applies to you, which is a complete fucking lie that has no basis in reality whatsoever because /fuck/ being a moe personification. "Huh. Maybe you've got a secret admirer, Urist?"

Hahaha holy shit, no. It's probably Ester who's being stalked. She's the big famous one around these parts, right?

"Who's being stalkedauauuuguhhhhhblhlghghhhh."

That was the sound of Moru coming up behind you and immediately regretting her decision for some reason. You stare as she hunches down and clamps her hands over her nose, those stupid cat ears flattening against her head. "Oh my god, what is that smell? Why is that smell? Why even?"

... seriously, you're going to slug her if she keeps talking about your personal hygiene. You don't smell a goddamn thing, and you're pretty sure YOU don't smell like anything other than dogoo-

"No! It's not you! It smells like someone barfed up rubber and ozone and aguguhggahgh!!" Moru whines a little more, but you ignore her; Ester's got this covered, she's immediately by the catgirl's side and soothing her. As expected of big sisters, or at least of swordswomen who apparently want to collect little sister figures.

(Cont.)

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>>36109356
You're too busy pocketing this... this thing that the sneaky son of a bitch dropped when she fled the scene. You have no goddamn clue what it is, but it looks all cool and sci-fi-ish. Everyone here's basically a fantasy worlder, but maybe you can get someone more technologically advanced to check it out later?

>Bonus for the one-post-too-late crit!
>Urist Twelfthbay acquires This Thing.

Once Ester gets Moru to stop shaking and crying (or whenever that smell fades, either or), your little party gets a move on. There's not a whole lot of incident- other than a few more dogoo fights- before you start closing in on the boss area. You can pretty much figure it out; the snowfields give away to denser copses of mushroom trees, and the sky seems to grow a little darker as the three of you trudge through the snow. It's given you a little time to think along the way, though.

See, the thing about dungeons in Gamindustri is that they're pretty finicky, at least in your experience, but they're predictable: there's a boss area, and then there's the treasure. Boss areas usually aren't guarded by set specific monsters; a dungeon whips out boss fights based on the adventurers currently in the area. Hence the skeleton elephant you fought way back when you first met Ester.

(Cont.)

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>>36109376
So the way you see it, whoever goes into the boss area first? There's a good chance that the dungeon will pull out a monster based on /them/, and you're not sure you want a repeat of skelephant horror. On the other hand, this IS Babby's First Dungeon, so whatever comes out can't be that hard to deal with...

[ ] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you working together can deal with whatever horrors spawn from your experiences.
[ ] [ESTER] Send the Dragon Warrior in first. She's bound to have faced every single boss battle the dungeons have thrown at her, so she'll know how to handle them.
[ ] [MORU] Send the Monster Hunter in first. Giant bestial monsters apparently flock to her like flies to honey, so whatever comes out is bound to have parts you can all use!
[ ] [THIS THING] Try to use This Thing. Maybe it'll be something that can avoid the boss fight altogether and allow you to go straight for the treasures in the back. Or maybe it's something that will turn your insides inside-out.

>>36109404
>URIST
AN ARMY CAN ONLY BE LED FROM THE FRONT

>>36109404
>[ ] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you working together can deal with whatever horrors spawn from your experiences.
What could go wrong?

>>36109404
All three of us at once! To the step even!

>>36109404
>[x] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you working together can deal with whatever horrors spawn from your experiences.

Also let's not waste the ghost grenade

>>36109404
>[ ] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you
Ufufu

>>36109404
>[ ] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you working together can deal with whatever horrors spawn from your experiences
This should be easy. Plus I figured out where 'This Thing' came from. Should be an interesting encounter with the owner

>>36109404
>[ ] [URIST] Yeah, you go in first. Between Ester's magic and Moru's explosives, the three of you working together can deal with whatever horrors spawn from your experiences.

You are a dwarf. Dwarves are brave with liquid courage. <Drink Beer> BRAVE!

<Drink Beer>

Charge!

>>36109404
>[ ] [ESTER] Send the Dragon Warrior in first. She's bound to have faced every single boss battle the dungeons have thrown at her, so she'll know how to handle them.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36109404
>[Urist] Yeah, you go in first.

What's the worst that could happen.

>>36109404
>URIST
>Urist, why is that dwarf on fire?

>>36109511
I want to ufu your fufu

>>36109376
What's that thing?

>>36109832
An item from X-COM...

>>36109404
>[ ] [MORU] Send the Monster Hunter in first. Giant bestial monsters apparently flock to her like flies to honey, so whatever comes out is bound to have parts you can all use!

>>36109853
You think Urist is a psychic candidate?

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>>36109404
>[URIST] No horrific pain, no horrific gain!

You do not, under any circumstances, ask yourself what could possibly go wrong. You do not even come close to thinking that cursed phrase. What you DO know is that the worst is not particularly likely to happen, so you decide to face your fears like a-

... well, okay, if you faced your fears like a DWARF, you'd probably be running for the hills and in the complete opposite direction from the safety of your fortress, possibly while on fire. But you're sure as hell going to face them like an adventurer.

It also helps that you're already at the front of the party, so you don't have to stop to explain anything to anyone; Ester's at her customary position six inches behind you, while Moru is ranging closer to the back, keeping an eye out for any monsters or midbosses. You're still half-expecting another plague of giant monstrous nonsense-screaming flies, or for Dao and Lian to mob you while screaming about lanes and last hits and other assorted bullshit.

To be honest, it's enough to make you feel a little nervous.

You feel a hand patting your head. It occurs to you that since you're wearing your helmet, there probably won't be any more hair rustling in the near future. You're not sure how to feel about that. On the other hand, you can still FEEL Ester's grin like it's a physical force leaving happy burn marks of peppy positivity in the back of your skull.

"It'll be fine, Urist. Big sis Ester's got your back!"

(Cont.)

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>>36110550
... okay, first of all, you're not at all nervous. Second of all, you're not even blood related, so the big sis/little sis thing-

"That's the beautiful thing about Gamindustri!" Ester's rubbing the top of your helmet like she's trying to polish it to a mirrored sheen. "You don't have to be blood related to have a big sis/little sis dynamic!"

You'd mention that that's so weeaboo that you'd be pulled over for being too anime to drive, but Ester's about as JRPG as you can possibly get, so you let it slide. Besides-

>The minotaur Moogore Beefmore has come! A great bovine menace. It has a pair of wicked horns and it wields a dangerous crossbow. Beware its prodigious strength!
>Press Enter to close window

- you've got a boss fight to deal with. Ester immediately pulls up and stands by your side, while Moru starts scampering around the edge of the clearing before you can say anything. Well... you've noticed that she's a lot more mobile than you're used to. Maybe it's in her blood?

The Dragon Warrior isn't leaping in right away, at least. That's good. "What's the plan, Urist?"

No plan, just murder. This is going to be an absolute cakewalk. It's just a minotaur. A minotaur! You've totally got this-

>The earthshaking Raigor Stonehoof has come! A great bovine-ape menace. It has a pair of massive fists and it wields a large totem. Beware its terrible puns!
>Press Enter to close window

wait what

(Cont.)

>>36110583
I CALL BULLSHIT

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>>36110583
"You! Midget! I will have your head!"

Oh fucking HELL- you turn away from the two minotaurs- TWO minotaurs!- to see a familiar shirtless fiery-red freelancer standing imperiously at the edge of the boss area, pointing a wickedly sharp sword at you. Lian's not too far behind Dao, and the blue-clad pantsless swordswoman readies her sword- and smirks.

"Actually, no. Let's teach these cretins what it means to be utterly humiliated." Lian charges forward and... spins right past you. "We'll have your treasure! DEMACIAAAAAA!"

what

"For once, we are in agreement." Dao zips by even faster, almost seeming to teleport as she hurtles for the dwarf fortress minotaur like some sort of horrible shirtless meteor. "JUGGERNAAAAAUT!"

why

"Hey! No fair!" Moru howls from across the room, from where she's set up her gunlance. "We were here first!!" She punctuates her yowling with incendiary shells, spattering !!fire!! all over the Earthshaker- not that it slows the monster down, which knuckles forward at the little catgirl.

Ester pales and runs forward, her silly little scarf fluttering in the wind. "W-Wait! Moru! Let me get its attention first! Ester changes tactics- 'Fight Wisely'!"

the fuck is this

THE FUCK IS THIS

[ ] [INDISCRIMINATE MURDER] Fuck it. Carve a path through the MOBAs' minotaur; it's closer, and you're sure as hell not going to let Dao and Lian beat you at this little game!
[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!
[ ] [FIGHT MOBAS] There's absolutely no way you can trust Dao and Lian not to fuck you over. Screw the rules and fuck them over first!
[ ] [THIS THING] Use the strange sci-fi-ish thing you picked up earlier. What's the worst that could happen?
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36110626
>[x] [THIS THING] Use the strange sci-fi-ish thing you picked up earlier. What's the worst that could happen?

>>36110626
>[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!

>>36110626
>[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!
We're a team, dagnabbit.

>>36110626
[X] [FIGHT MOBAS] Yeah, no, let's nip this long-term recurring enemy thing in the bud, right here, right now. We're taking them down, and looting their corpses.

>>36110626
>[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!
Those fuckers

>>36110626
>[x] [BEER]
>[x] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!

>>36110626
>[ ] [THIS THING] Use the strange sci-fi-ish thing you picked up earlier. What's the worst that could happen?

I'd prefer a Blaster Bomb in situations like these, but take what you can get.

>>36110626
>[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!

>>36110626
>[ ] [THIS THING] Use the strange sci-fi-ish thing you picked up earlier. What's the worst that could happen?

Slap it on then

[ ] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!

>>36110626
>[x] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!
>[x] [THIS THING] Use the strange sci-fi-ish thing you picked up earlier. What's the worst that could happen?

>>36110626
>[ ] [BEER] ALL THE BEER, YOU'RE TOO UN-DRUNK FOR THIS SHIT.

>>36110626
>[X] [INDISCRIMINATE MURDER]

>>36110626
[X] [SUPPORT TEAM] Help out Ester and Moru! Go straight for the Earthshaker; for the love of all things holy, you can't let them fight that thing alone!

Why the hell is X-COM here?

>>36111119
To ask tips on base building?

>>36111119
The more pertinent question is: What would the moe personification of X-COM look like?

>>36111207

Probably different then what we are gonna see, because this is the moe personification of XCOM I think.

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>>36110626
>[X] [SUPPORT TEAM] OH no. You got into this together, you're getting out of this together, too.

It's really, really tempting to fire a few bolts into the freelancers' backs while they're busy taking down the vanilla minotaur. It's just as tempting to run in there and punch that cow to death- seriously, it's the one semi-megabeast you can take down relatively easily! For once in your sorry life, you can take pride in something combat-related WITHOUT pissing your pants in fear!

But you definitely owe Ester for sticking around with you, and you... probably owe Moru, even though she's an annoying drama queen catbrat.

With a muffled curse and a quick fortifying mouthful of mushroom beer (made from real super mushrooms, the red-and-white-capped type that won't stop staring at you with mournful black eyes even as you squeeze the life out of it and its fellows), you charge into the fray with a high-pitched yell. Ducking past the reckless sword swings of the MOBAs, which narrowly miss your braids, you run past the bellowing minotaur; off-handedly, you note that the damn idiot brought a crossbow but no ammo, so it's trying to bludgeon Dao and Lian with its weapon.

(Cont.)

>>36111207
A chrysalid version of unyuufex?

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>>36111265
And then you're past the worst of the fray, greeted with the sight of Moru clumsily backstepping for all she's worth. Even from here, the Earthshaker smells like a barn crossed with a zoo, and you feel a brief moment of sympathy (okay, more like schadenfreude) for Moru's nose. More importantly, the bestial /thing/ is slamming the ground, kicking up snow and- ugh- shaking the earth; Ester can't seem to get in, dancing back like she's afraid to get hit even by the aftershocks.

"Shake it and take it! Bass and tremble!"

You groan even more whenever Raigor opens his mouth. Seriously, you're going to do your level best to knock all his teeth out, let's see him pun when you get up close- except he somehow sees you coming. He turns to face you, quicker than you'd have thought possible, and raises his totem high into the air-

"THEY CALL ME THE FISSURE MAN!" the Earthshaker roars, before slamming his totem down into the ground and the snowy ground splits right in two and holy shit

- can't he stop for just ONE second-

>Urist Twelfthbay tries not to get shaken down!
ROLL d20! (dice+1d20 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: 15; +1 iron armor bonus
... i know i said +2 last thread, that was my mistake

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>36111289

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36111289

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36111289

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36111289

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>36111289

>>36111297
Well that was easy.

>>36111297

Dwarf Momma said Knock you out!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>36111289

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>>36111266

>>36111297
Yeah okay

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>>36111297
OUR RESOLVE IS UNSHAKEABLE

>>36111207
Inb4 she has memories of both Old-Xcom and Nu-XCOM and is traumatised by both.
Then again, Nu-XCOM has a lower fatality rate if you know what you are doing.

>>36111297
Urist enters a martial trance!

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>>36111333

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>>36111297
well

that was fast

>>36111360
I'm almost through playing nu-XCOM on normal and my casualty rate is still zero. Then I am someone who overwatches on every damn opportunity and loses most of the meld on map.

>>36111418
Urist takes no shit from cows.

>>36111418
Urist can't go looking bad in front of her big sis

>>36111522
Urist is Ester's best little sister.

Wonder if Xcom-chan is still following and watching this

I can't wait for Urist to punch out the pun-taur's lower intestine and headshot the minotaur behind her.

>>36111697
I kinda hope she punches him and sends him crashing into the Moba's and Minotaurs, knocking all them out

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>>36111289
>20!

It's times like these, when you're staring down a rapidly-approaching fissure that will most definitely break all your limbs and/or fling you fifty feet into the air, that you're most hypersensitive to the most ludicrously unimportant details.

Like how the entire damn grove experiences a sudden downpour of snow, knocked down from the mushroom trees surrounding the entire area. Or how Ester's got her sword pointed to the ground as she powers up some sort of magic spell, her short hair forming a halo around her head and her wide green eyes fixed on you. Or how Moru's braced her gunlance against the dirt, firing off shot after shot that only seems to pepper the bull-man's shaggy back.

Or how that smaller spike of fissured earth is shifting, and if you jump onto it just /so/, you'll go rocketing up into the air with the minimum amount of damage sustained to your goddamned everything.

Before you even realize what you've done, the breath is slammed out of your lungs with an almost painful /whoosh/ and you suddenly can't make sense of what you're seeing as you spin dizzily through the air. You catch brief glimpses of the battlefield below, seeming ridiculously small- the undersides of the mushroom trees' caps looming close above you, Dao and Lian spinning like deadly steel-tipped ballerinas, Moru and Ester staring at you with their jaws completely slack, and then gravity takes over and there's nothing but Raigor's big dumb face rushing up to meet you-

Screaming in an all too familiar mix of pint-sized terror and rage, you slam into the earthshaker's partly-gaping mouth, shoulder-first, at terminal velocity, and feel a sort of dark satisfaction in that brief moment when you feel small painful shattering all over the boss area and hear a wounded beast bellowing in agony.

(Cont.)

>>36112117
And then you're bouncing off the ground, the air forced out of your aching lungs yet again. After taking about fifteen seconds to ensure that you're not dead, you dizzily prop yourself up to look at the damage you've caused.

The proud, majestic Earthshaker has completely abandoned the fight. His totem's discarded a few feet to his left, and the bovine-ape kneels on the ground, his lips quivering as he quietly picks up the ALL OF his teeth scattered across the churned-up ground, small pockmarks in the red snow or white bloody pieces shining in the dirt. Moru doesn't seem to have the heart to fight him- instead, she's actually combing the area and /helping/ him, which the Earthshaker accepts with wounded pride.

You glance over to the MOBAs. Lian's face-down, nursing a gigantic lump on her head, and Dao's cursing and clutching at her eyes and- ah. Right, it looks like they were ridiculously unfortunate, what with the teeth flying from the Earthshaker's mouth at mach speed and all. Even the minotaur's down and out for the time being, having gotten caught in the ridiculously long fissure that tore a gigantic crack through the earth.

Time to assess the damage to yourSELF- but you don't have time to figure out which of your bones are broken before you're engulfed in warm and fuzzy magic.

Through the healing haze humming right in your ears and over your eyes, you hear Ester's voice loud and clear. "Urist! That was absolutely legendary and... and /legendary/! You didn't break anything, right? Right!?"

You pick yourself up off the ground and cautiously feel out your sudden lack of broken everythings. Then you stare at Ester, and it finally clicks in your mind just how ridiculous that sort of restorative magic is. She- she can /heal/ you that quickly? With nothing more than a bibbity-bobbity-boo?

(Cont.)

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>>36112149
"Of course! I'm a legendary hero, after all! Look, forget about that, just give me the word and I'll heal you again if you need-"

Ha ha ha ha holy hell that's so stupidly overpowered and that shit would cut down on fortress casualties by like a trillion percent /can you keep her/.

You immediately regret your choice of words when Ester's eyes light up and she chortles like a dirty old man, and you regret it even more when she picks you up and starts spinning you around like that damn Demacia-shrieking harpy, rubbing her cheek against your helmet. "Of course! Of course, little sis, big sis's got you covered! Legendarily covered! She'll keep you covered for as long as you need, big sis KNEW you would come around!"

OKAY, SERIOUSLY, NO- you push at her head, straining to get out of her grip. Get it together, Ester, you've got like a trillion things to focus on that aren't cheesy cutesy scenes and weirdo referring to herself in the third person-

"DEMACIAAAAAAAA!"

- like the blue-clad swordswoman spinning vengefully in your direction, holy Armok WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

Urist Twelfthbay struggles to put up a good gut-punching!
ROLL d20! (dice+1d20 in the email field)
Taking the best of three!
DC: 15
+2 gauntlet bonus!

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>36112149
Guess he can't make any puns anymore, since he just got owned.

>>36112219

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>36112219

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>36112219
BEEERRRRRR!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>36112219

>>36112149
Yes, I guess this boss has been successfully defanged!

>>36112219
Ester is just rolling in little sisters

>>36112287
His bark is worse than his bite.

>>36112308
How Can My Little Sisters Be This Numerous?

>>36112117
Taiga-Urist ain't takin no puns from no cow

>>36112247
Looks llike we just cleared it.

>>36112219
>Success!

You're mildly relieved when Ester drops you to bring her dogoo-patterned shield up, and a little less relieved when she yells "Big sis will handle this!" Either way, she catches Lian's attack; the freelancer growls at being denied, and her blade grinds against Ester's shield as they face off.

"Stop hiding behind the old-timer, midget!" Lian spits out both as an insult, staring straight at you. "Or do you need irrelevant adventurers to fight your own hurkblarfghagle."

What was that? It's hard to hear what she's saying with your fist embedded in her gut.

Lian doesn't have a good answer to that, and collapses to the ground. You stand back out from under Ester's sword arm, shaking out your hand; for once, your short stature was pretty damn useful. Although you're a little disappointed that you can't think up any good bad tooth-related puns to throw at Lian, just to rub it in. Damn.

"... well, shit."

You tense up as Dao approaches, and you hear Ester doing much the same, but the fiery swordswoman only stoops down to grab her gurgling rival by the collar of her armor.

"Hate to admit it. But you got this fair and square." Dao starts dragging Lian away, ignoring her uncomfortable groans and feeble struggles. The redhead looks back over her shoulder to shoot you a flat stare, her gold eyes seeming to shine in the low light. "You will not be so lucky next time. And there /will/ be a next time. Freelancers always gravitate toward other freelancers."

... the hell is she talking about? You try to match Dao stare for stare, placing your gauntleted hands on your armored hips with a quiet 'clank.' You're a Guild member now. A card-carrying, quest-running Guildie!

"No." Dao doesn't turn back around, continuing her slow progress toward the exit and away from the treasure cubes' room, now unguarded. Her deep voice carries a solemnity that erases all traces of her earlier insane screaming. "Once a freelancer, always a freelancer. Remember that."

(Cont.)

>>36113044
Well, whatever, you're not listening to the inane ramblings of a sore loser. You keep an eye on the MOBAs long enough to make sure they won't return, and take another look around the room. BOTH minotaurs have pretty much given up the fight; the Earthshaker stands up, ignoring Moru as he seems to walk into the shadows and disappears entirely, while /your/ minotaur simply sinks into the ground, consumed by the fading fissure.

... you were kind of hoping to harvest parts off them both. Especially that totem the big one carried around, but that seems to have disappeared long ago.

You turn to go to the treasure cube room, but Ester's still staring after the MOBAs, her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed into a thin line. After sneaking a quick glance at the entrance to make sure there aren't any other horrible things about to happen, you frown up at the Dragon Warrior. Is... is she okay?

"Huh? Ah..." Ester blinks down at you and grins, back to her normal self. "Never better! Although I'd be even better if you called me 'big sis.'"

Ha ha ha... no. Sorry, but no, you LIKE your pride and not being cutesy. You punctuate this by taking another drag from your flask, and you totally meant to do that to prove your point and not because you were jonesing for yet more alcohol.

Moru pops up on Ester's other side, her ears twitching. "If you healed ME, I wouldn't mind calling you big sis GAH-"

... you know what? You're totally fine with Moru taking some of the big sis aggro on her own, so you quickly walk on ahead as Ester grapples the catgirl into a bear hug and starts spinning her around like some sort of horribly girly centrifuge.

(Cont.)

>>36113057
The treasure cube room is pretty simple; it's just a small clearing in a ridiculously dense copse of mushroom trees, which are growing so thickly together that there's only one way in or out of the place. It's somehow dark in here, but there are a few fluorescent mushrooms growing from the stalks. Also putting off a soft glow of their own are the treasure cubes floating serenely in the middle of the clearing, their electronic stylings almost out of place amid the dirt, mushrooms, and snow.

What's ALSO out of place is the two robed weirdos kneeling next to the treasure cubes, the ground around them covered with all manner of scattered arcane tools.

The random civilians- and you're pretty sure they're civvies, they don't have that aura marking them as adventurers in Gamindustri- immediately scramble to their feet, staring at you with wide eyes. Both are ridiculously plain, and if it wasn't for the circumstances and the suspicious purple-ish robes and tools, you'd probably peg them as any other average Joe walking down the street.

The first one to speak up- oh, gods, his voice is cracking. "We, um! We! This isn't what it looks like!"

"Shut UP, let me handle this-" The other robed figure straightens up and clears his throat, plastering on an easy-looking grin. "Congratulations on beating the dungeon, o brave adventurer! Now, have you any time to talk about our lady and savior, the great and wondrous Deity of Uninhibited Equality, Arfoire?"

... wow. Evangelists, here? Really?

[ ] [AGGRESS] Suspicious cultists with weird tools doing weird shit to the treasure cubes? FUCK YOU IT'S OPEN SEASON FOR PUNCHING
[ ] [PLAY ALONG] Yes, please tell me all about the wonders of Arfoire, that'll buy us just enough time for Ester and Moru to get here.
[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?
[ ] [BACK AWAY] ... alright, you're just going to block the doorway and wait for Ester and Moru to get here.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36113069
>[x] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?

>>36113069
>[ ] [PLAY ALONG] Yes, please tell me all about the wonders of Arfoire, that'll buy us just enough time for Ester and Moru to get here.

Please I am anxious to hear all about Arfive

>>36113069
>[X] [INTEROGATE] Awww, no son. We saw them expensive treasure cubes in town. Is this how they get them, then? Sneak in and make off with them before an adventurer gets there?

>>36113069
>[ ] [PLAY ALONG] Yes, please tell me all about the wonders of Arfoire, that'll buy us just enough time for Ester and Moru to get here.
But of course! I mean, why else would I be here. In this dungeon.

>>36113069
>[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?
Step away from my box

>>36113069
>[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?

>>36113069
[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?
I would suggest you two step away from the box. Also shout out to Ester and Moru that some people are taking our treasure.

>>36113069
>[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?

The life expectancy of someone getting between a dwarf and his loot is only beaten by the life expectancy of someone who stands between a dwarf and his beer.

These knuckleheads and taking time that could be productively used. You could be drinking beer instead!

>>36113069
>[ ] [PLAY ALONG] Yes, please tell me all about the wonders of Arfoire, that'll buy us just enough time for Ester and Moru to get here.

>>36113069
>[ ] [WHAT EVEN] Hahaha, no, seriously, what the hell do they think they're doing?

R4 chip, eh?

>>36113069
>If this isn't what it looks like, than what is it?

>>36113069
>[ ] [AGGRESS] Suspicious cultists with weird tools doing weird shit to the treasure cubes? FUCK YOU IT'S OPEN SEASON FOR PUNCHING

>>36113069
>[X] [WHAT EVEN]

Okay, this is pretty much the last thing you expected to put up with when you walked in here. So you give them your best dwarven scowl, and you ask them, straight up, what the hell they think they're doing here.

... strangely enough, this actually seems to INTIMIDATE them- the frightened one shrinks in on himself, while the talkative one's smile cracks. It's gratifying, and you almost blink in surprise before remembering keep scowling like you're going to shove your gauntlets up their asses if they don't answer.

"W-Why, we're merely, ah..." The talky cultist straightens back up, regaining some of his smooth composure. "Surely, young miss, you've seen the stores back in the capital, yes? The ones that have a monopoly on those treasure cubes they claim to have brought back from dungeons through mysterious means?"

Yes, you HAVE seen those back at town. Hell, you 'yes' loudly enough that Ester and Moru will probably hear you, and hopefully they'll get their asses in here before you can stop yourself from beating these cultists black and blue 'cause they're all that's standing between you and your treasure.

"Why, we're only here to test this for ourselves!" The cultist gestures to the haphazardly strewn tools. You don't turn your head to look at them, but glance at them out of the corners of your eyes- you notice scuff marks around the treasure cubes. "See if someone other than this cabal of merchants could supply these treasure cubes for the good of all adventurers, and could level the playing field a little..."

The cultist's smile widens, and he spreads his hands disarmingly. Not that you drop your gauntlets, of course. "We're simply doing what we can, under the creed of Arfoire. Wouldn't it be nice if we shared in these treasures, and made them available for all, at a much lower price-"

That's when vengeance personified howls into the room and slams him against the wall with bone-shattering force before you can even blink.

(Cont.)

>>36113765

"YOU WILL /NOT/."

For a moment, you're convinced that CPU White Heart herself teleported here somehow, but then your vision clears. Her green eyes are narrowed and you can feel the murderous intent behind her glare even from /here/, and she's bared her teeth like a wild animal; that image is intensified by her short hair framing her snarling face. Her shield is pressed up against the cultist's chest and pinning him to the wall- you're pretty sure some of his ribs broke from the impact, there's blood dribbling down his white lips- and she's holding her sword up to his throat, its edge hovering close enough to kiss his skin.

It's Ester. You've never seen her like this before, and it's absolutely terrifying.

You're faintly aware of Moru standing next to you, her hands to her mouth, and of the frightened cultist curled up into a fetal position, whimpering quietly to himself.

Ester ignores all of this. "Who gave you these robes? Who do you work for?" she hisses. "TELL me, damn you!" You can't see any trace of the happy-go-lucky big sister figure, and you can FEEL that weight pressing down on your shoulders again- the murals in Lowee's Basilicom rise in your mind, showing an adventurer ancient enough to have seen the first of White Heart's consoles, and powerful enough to fight alongside her.

The Dragon Warrior savagely applies more pressure to her shield until the pinned cultist cries out weakly.

... Armok's fucking throne, she's going to kill a cultist- and/or a defenseless civilian- if she keeps this up.

[ ] [STOP HER] This isn't how she does things. If- if she kills him, you're certain Ester's going to regret this later.
[ ] [WATCH] You trust Ester's judgment. She knows more than you do, and she's- she's your big sister, after all.
[ ] [ASSIST] Go help her extract answers from the cultist, maybe lean on him a little. Get this over quickly, and maybe without bloodshed.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>36113803
>[ ] [WATCH] You trust Ester's judgment. She knows more than you do, and she's- she's your big sister, after all.

I would think the personification of Dwarf Fortress would be an unholy badass what with figures like Holistic Detective to draw upon.

>>36113803
>[x] [ASSIST] Go help her extract answers from the cultist, maybe lean on him a little. Get this over quickly, and maybe without bloodshed.

>>36113803
>[ ] [ASSIST] Go help her extract answers from the cultist, maybe lean on him a little. Get this over quickly, and maybe without bloodshed.

>>36113803
>[ ] [ASSIST] Go help her extract answers from the cultist, maybe lean on him a little. Get this over quickly, and maybe without bloodshed.
Good cop bad cop cat cop.

>>36113803
>[X] [ASSISTOP HER] Go help extract answer while carefully pulling Ester back from berserker mode. Things could get real dangerous if she gets stuck like this, and you know that, so you've got to try and get her calmed down while also getting her the information she wants. And also maybe saving the civvie.

>>36113803
>[MORU] Interrogate Moru, to show these clowns you mean business. Loose cannon, baby.

>>36113854
To be fair, for every Holistic Detective-tier dwarf, there's hundreds more who fail at even the simplest of tasks, run out to grab dropped items during a full-fledged goblin siege, and/or meander into lava pits.

The potential's definitely there, it's just... you know. Buried under the rest of them dwarves, man.

>>36113904
Which just shows how important the Hack tool is, to cull out those unwanted behaviors.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>36113904

Man, did you ever read the Towersoared community game? Had a dwarf in there named after me that solo'd hell or some crazy shit like that. It was amazing. Someone looked up; the stats and apparently he could kick Holistic halfway across the globe.

>>36113904
>>36113963

Actually I don't even know if you frequent that forum. Do you?

>>36113943
Personally I can't wait for us to implement Dorf Fort's experience system.

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>>36113803
Alright, going with ASSISTstop-ish starting next thread (unless some other option gets voted up before the thread archives, probably), because it's a weeknight and also I really need to sleep!

Next thread will tentatively be set for Thursday, 11/13, starting from 7 pm EST; as always, updates to running schedule will be at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest

Thanks for participating, you guys, and I hope you enjoyed the thread!

>>36113980
Belatedly, not really! Hell, I'm giving it a little time before I try the latest version of Dwarf Fortress, to let things settle down (and because the community will inevitably smooth over the bugs with hotfixes and the like).

>>36114083

Bug fixes? Kinda already happened. Mostly. Theres still issues, yeah but it's more or less semi-stable.

Still, check out the community forums. They're nice.