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Hear ye hear ye, I call a this lunar years last meeting of the Mages Guild.
As the lunar year of the plane of muggles is coming to an end we should review our finances for the upcoming year. As the stand-in treasurer it is my duty to inform you, honourable members of the guild, that we are bankrupt.
The High Lawmagi of Sigil has declared that until we pay for our pending lawsuits we shall have a planar rift open in the guilds treasury. In order to start paying the depts we had to pawn the guilds moral compass, upon when
we had to sell 95% of the souls of the staff.
The following are some of the planned budgetcuts we will have to make in the coming year: the hydramancers water has to go, the organs and ingredients of all necromancers and their thralls,
the sanity of all our pyromancers is to expensive as well, all of the paper in the guild is to be recycled to pay for a lawsuit except the lawsuits themselves and lastly the whey of the Muscle Mages.
We might be understaffed the next year so we will need all teachers to hold another subject in addition to their own without additional pay, actually we need you to pay for work instead. Before we start talking about the subjects of the upcoming year -
Happy new year everybody!
>>
WHATABOUTTHECOFFEEBUDGET?!

*Visibly Panicked*
>>
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And now for the subjects that need new teachers in the upcoming year:
Arguing with Prince Dracuul: Popular ‘Logic’ in traveling minstrel shows.
Lizardry Advanced: The Adultery Novel In and Out of Argonia.
The Deathspeak in Song and Prose.
Invented Languages: Elvish and Moonspeak.
Find your classroom: A final exam in Master Conspiromancy.
Goblin Lunguimantics.
Economics 101.
Elder God Literature.
Those Sexy Dragon, a novel analysis.
The Unliving and the Undead: an Inquiry into post-necromantic trends in afterlife culture.
The Cis Gheist and its role in society.
1944 scripts of the Paladin history.
Comparative History of Weaponised Astronomy
Ravenloft Witchcraft.
Coitus, Cloths, Drow & Slavery.
Age of the Retconned.
The Succubus effect: Understanding the origin of the Anti-Paladin
Advanced Planeswalking, Nexus: Transdimensional Feminazimancy Perspective on Xenophilia.
The Nether Vacation.
Mail Order Maidens? Understanding the Elf-Conjurers.
Tall Legs: The other side of Dwarven jealousy.
Otherkin Sex.
Bug Summoning: Family and Social Rules.
Bug Summoning: Its the end of the Multiverse as we know it (and I feel fine).
Healthcare in Phyrexia.
Inpurity and nudity in Paladinia.
Human rights of Modrons.
The Good, the Bad and the Eldritch.
>>
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>>37082429
I'm assuming this is the reason I woke up with a prize tag on my head? Couldn't you have assigned me to a petting zoo or something like that instead where I could work for the money instead of selling me outright? I'm the head of a department dammit!

Also, isn't this an odd time for a meeting?
>>
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Also, the revisor mage just telepathed me that he shall have to take several more of our teachers souls which means that the following subjects will need stand-in teachers.

The Science Wizardry of Heroes.
The Science of the Elder Scrolls.
Joy of Manure Golems.
"Far Side" of Treefolk.
Necromantic reconstruction.
The Amazing world of Lolimancers.
DragoSex.
*inhale air*
The Strategy of Quidditch
Illusionporn and Society
Theoretical Fememancy
Learning from Shegorath.
Personal Modrons.
Human Jelly creature interaction.
The Dwarfopology of smithing.
Magic Missile training.
Knights and Knaves mechanics.
Cyvasse and Civic Engangement.
Journeyman Mass Food Conjuration and Lunchmantics.
The philosophy of the Fistmage
Philosophy of the Chaos Elementals.
Its not rape if its an Elf.
Queer Musicology Magi
Theoretical Pyromancy.
Practical Hydromancy.
Abstract Sorcery.
Fae Lawmagics.
Differentiating the Druid and the hobo.
Mating Habits of Ents and Dryads.
Dryad physiology.
Apprentice Reality bending.
>>
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Quick note, some beards will have to be sold to pay for the 'Nord ape hairloss curse' lawsuit. Does anyone want to volunteer for a shave?

>>37082449
Umm, ummm, Twitch I love you, I promise I will work something out!

>>37082504
Actually I was hoping you would act as a teacher for the 'Mater Reality Bending' class.
>>
>>37082429
well i guess between the few hundred of us my family can pay a bit and if the warweaving teacher is gone i did take a class on it but it was only very basic so it will be very shitty i cant teach what i dont know that well
>>
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Chaos Gods help us all....

>>37082508
cont.
History of the Minor Domination enchantment on the Bardic Lyre.
The Illien.
Nuthing but a word of power.
Naming 101.
Deathspeak in Song and Prose.
Introduction to Shamanistic drumming.
Under water Pyromancy: a study of the Arsonimancers setting stuff on fire through sheer willpower.
Muppet Magic Advanced: The reincarnation of our dark overlord and master, Muppetos, the Defiler.
Dirty Tapestry.
The Horror of Divination and being right. [Class assigned to Conspierre, Esteemed Conspiromancer]
The Eldritch God-o-philia.
Fused stone roads, Construction magic practice.
The Art of Magic and the Magic of Art.
The Art of Magecraft.
PE for ME: because we were forced to include sports.
Xtreme flying carpets.
Blackwater Krakenracing.
Circus Stunts.
The Art of Walking.
The Art of Walking like a Fae
Ent Climbing.
Knitting for Noobs.
Janitor try-outs [available only for immortal elder beings]
Tempus Thales: The Stepsons ritual greetings.
How to read elder scrolls.
Linguistics 101: How to pronounce Hastur, Bloody Mary and Chandrian.
Legends of Illusion chess.
Engineeromancer 101, Mountain Throwing.
Apprentice Lawmagi: How to sue 2 pantheons at once.
Grapplemancers vs Mucsle mages.[women not allowed]
Food and Traditions in the -1:st Era.
Kitchen Alchemy.
Master Delusionism.
1000 years of Necropolis Architecture.
>>
>>37082540

*relaxed*

How.much.do.we.need?
>>
>>37082552
damit you sold my name verywell i will remake it

anyway i have that chain enchanted i tried for ages to come up with a cool name for it but i failed still here it is a nice glowing reinforced chain for when the fighter guy gets back
>>
>>37082464
i can take
The Nether Vacation.
and i dont know what it is but its my area so i guess i can learn and then teach
Advanced Planeswalking, Nexus: Transdimensional Feminazimancy Perspective on Xenophilia.
>>
>>37082540
That could work, I might not be the best at reality warping but I think I have the theory down. Also, please inform whoever put the price tag in my face that I am on good terms with the witches faculty and that I might call in some favours there to have him or her cursed for this insult.
>>
>>37082508
well lets see i consider myself a bit of a war hero so i can take
The Science Wizardry of Heroes.
i love me some magic missiles so i guess i can teach that
i cant teach its not rape if its an elf but i really should start teaching my rebuttal
it's still rape if its an elf: evidence against an ancient theory
>>
Wait.

Wesoldthemoralcompass?

Whydon'twejustgolootthefundsweneed?
>>
>>37082612

Elfs.
don't.
count.

Howcouldyouthinkotherwise?
>>
>>37082540
well i shave my beard of regularly so i suppose i can put what i shave off anyway into the pot and i would be glad to see it go but you may take my moustache if it will help

i will talk to my family about getting some of there beards

fuck i just realised after i just loosened my workload so i could spend more time with my family this happens

i i think i need to go see the counsulomancy department for some counselling magic or maybe some full on psychiatric treatment
>>
Good News Everyone! I managed to turn myself from that silly "Drow" Race . With The help of a Cloak Of Concealment, Maybe my sight will not incur heart attacks anymore!
>>
>>37082554
as i said i took some warweaving classes so i can teach dirty tapestry and possibly knitting for noobs

while not exclusivly a pedophile i do have a few child wives and husbands so i guess i can teach The Eldritch God-o-philia.

>Grapplemancers vs Mucsle mages.[women not allowed]
now hold on just a minute takarados what reason is there to disalow woman from that no reason whatsoever damit

does the teacher of pe for me need to be a magic user because i have a son who could teach it

and while i cant teach it i did not know we offered circus stunts i would like to take that class
>>
>>37082633
we only think that because we have been told so look at the facts and you will find its not true i have written numerous papers on the subject
>>
>>37082673
im not sure what you are talking about but congratulations
>>
Where the fuck is everybody.
>>
>>37082697
In the Previous meeting i participated , i Had been polymorphed into a Rodent to avoid Scaring people out, Resulting me in being almost eaten By paladina, the catgirl Paladin. I hastily polymorphed into my form, but it backfired and i turned into a famle specimen of drow.

By the way, your apprentices have very bad manners . I got hit on multiple times
>>
>>37082710
Possibly sleeping, or busy doing other things. It's a pretty irregular time for a meeting, I'm not surprised so few have shown up.
>>
>>37082731
eh i used to hit on them a lot that may be my fault

eh yeah i got to that meeting late
>>
>>37082739
fuck stop selling my name making new ones is draining
>>
>>37082738
oh yeah my timezone is pretty out of sink with most peoples
>>
Excuse me, I'm new, can I just sit anywhere?

*shortens distance between entrance and front seats*
>>
>>37082772
yeah sure whatever just dont expect to get paid for any work
>>
>>37082429
I currently have the best of the liches' lawyers looking over the sales of any property of the Necromancy Department. Once they are done legally reclaiming what is ours the Necromancy Department will leave the guild until your financial problems are over to ensure you don't try to sell our bodies or souls again. We need those bodies and souls for our work!

>>37082731
They are apprentices, personally I expect the worst out of each and every one of them.
>>
Guys i need a favour i need somebody to tell my family about my new workload when i told them i was reducing my workload to spend more time with them they were all so excited and now all this new shit has come up and i just dont have the heart to break it to them myself.
>>
>>37082784
I'ts ok, I don't spend much on my commute, and my mom works so it's cool.
>>
I truly appreciate the effort, Takarados, but I find it far outside of regulations for anyone but our Arch-Mage to call an official meeting. Also, I believe we discussed at the last Summit of Magical Accountants, Revisors and Lawyers that it would be most favorable if we could keep the selling of facultys' souls behind closed doors.
I'll be expecting your written apology in quadruplicate on my desk within the hour.
>>
>>37082818
oh snap he gonna get it

sorry i have been spending a lot of time on not both the internet plane but on the modern material planes internet
>>
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>>37082680
I never went to PE so I do not know what it is, something book related probably.
>>37082612
"Its not rape if its an Elf" is the sarcastic title of the bestselling ogre rights activist Feminia along with a Handmaids Story.
>>37082559
The problem is not the amount of money rather than the amount of lawsuit papers. I can't file the money to the right adress since I don't have the lawsuits at hand, the janitor threw them out whereupon the lawsuit papers formed a new plane of existance, the local wildlife is calling it Alara.
>>
>>37082836
i think i tried to cram about 3 different sentences meaning the same thing into that 1 sentence there
>>
>>37082854
pe is physical education its sport basicly
also i must meet this feminia woman she sounds interesting
>>
>>37082818
Wait, this wasn't a legit meeting? Man, I took a shower for this.

Well, I'm gonna catch some Zs.

*For a second the meeting room overlaps with Brian's bedroom. It smells musty. Then, everything is back to order and Brian is gone from the meeting.*
>>
>>37082879
jeez he is gone already thats a shame
>>
Is there any Class that have Not "Possible insanity if you See true From" Ban ? I think i might be interested in a more permanent position here
>>
>>37082429
Uhh, whassup, guys... what is the matter now, antruthius-
Ehi wait a minute, you are not Big A! How dare you call an unofficial meeting, bureaumancer!
>>
>>37082892
oh many of our teachers cause possible insanity if you see there fake forms you will be fine
>>
we have covered the impact on teaching but what about our research that is also a concern
>>
>>37082903
I must apologize on behalf of my second in command, it seems this years budget report has stressed him out a tad.
Ignore the part about selling souls.
>>
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>>37082892
Elder God literature is supposed to have some illustrations I believe.

>>37082818
well shit
>>
ah people are starting to show up
>>
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>>37082917
Sir, it does fall within my duties to remind your magical golf game is with the All Father is within the hour.
>>
>>37082917
Who gives two wizard hats? You woke me up for a meeting this early in the morning- it is fucking 13:37! and it is all because a bureaumancer has been slightly more paranoid than the usual? your second in command is done fer good this time.
>>
>>37082919

Ohhh, that's it, shut up you cretin. Did anyone prepare Remove Hangover this morning? I could use one right now.
>>
>>37082950
jeez calm the fuck down cromina
>>
>>37082633
Don't get anywhere near my daughter, twitchy.
>>
In that Case, I will Take The Eldritch God-o-philia. The Title is a metaphor or an inside joke

.....R-right ?
>>
>>37082974
can i go near your daughter noel i promise i wont do anything without her consent
>>
>>37082974
Yeah get the nine hells away from my-
- how am I supposed to call her?
>>37082982
I sincerely hope it is
>>37082970
Oh, shut up ye too, yer never up for good. And put some punctuation in yer language, I can barely understand ye!
>>
>>37082996
Yeah well well ...fuck you!!!.
>>
>>37082996
If you are someones godfather or godmother then I believe the term is godchild.
>>
>>37082996
ae ae ae maet...
>>
>>37083002
Put on yer nametag, coward.
>>
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>>37082917
Can't seem to talk properly...
Sir, you have a magical golf game with the All Father scheduled within the hour at New Genesis.
>>37082950
You, Cromina, owe the school 13 hours of work! When was the last time you checked on your students?
>>
>>37083002
damit stop selling my name.

Im sorry i snaped its just i was so looking forward to spending time with my wives, husbands and children.
>>
>>37082464
I can teach Healthcare in Phyrexia, I fucking helped that shit along. Other than that, I can also do Those Sexy Dragon, I can provide analysis of the biology to connect the physical to the text.
>>
So, uh, I'm the new....treasure polisher, yeah treasure polisher!
Where is your treasure so I may polish it for you?
>>
ae lads.... whaer aem ae lads ae ae ae... haelp plaes!
>>
>>37082982
oh good that means i dont have to take it still if it ends up not being a metaphor (i dont think it is) tell me and i will take over.
>>
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Gentlemen. I think I should remind you that over the course of my overtures with this realm's King, upon who our towers are built, his Coffer Consierge informed me that our income tax report is due in four months.

As Bureaucratomancer head, I want to be made aware of any undeclared expenditures and incomes.

I understand someone was trying to create a philosopher's stone again this year. What was the result of that?
>>
>>37082948
Oh, well I'd completely forgotten about that, seems I'll have to take my leave and you do realise you're not going to fool me that easily, right?
I would tread carefully if I were you, or I might have to whip out some of my poetry.
>>
>>37083016
Who let the commoners in? Whatever, no problem with dorfs whatsoever.
>>37083014
Thank you Res. At least someone that I am glad to see showed up. Well, you and Noel.
>>37083022
Uh about that, ehm... who told you?
>>37083038
Yae got a problem, dorf, ok. Caelm down and explaein... fuck it is contagious!
>>
>>37083027
we have none we had to sell it all
>>
>>37083027
It should be somewhere behind that wall of anti-rogue golems that Soros installed after having enough of Stabby.

>>37083038
I'm sorry if my dwarven is a bit rusty but. Ae haent saen ye lads.
>>
>>37082986
No.
>>
Gods above and below, why is there a meeting this earl-
...we're broke?

WE'RE BROKE?!?

>>37082903
Hey Cromina, and I know for a fact that gold was spilling out of the treasury not three days ago. Wanna help me put a few holes in whoever stole it all?
>>
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>>37083027
Ahh right this way Mr. Treasure polisher, here is our Vault and the 1000 keys and charms for protection. Thank you for agreeing to polish what little gold we have for free, you are such a kind spirit.
>>
>>37083027
Get out, we got an agreement with your guild.
>>37083071
Always got time to hack and slash.
>>
>>37083058
ae dunnÆ knae lad. toe maeny elv's maet...

Strike the earth.
>>
>>37082429
i just had an idea cant we just raise more money

i can think of so many great fundraising ideas
>>
>>37082508
Oh dear me, I can also do the DragoSex class, Dryad Physiology
>>37082554
The Eldritch God-o-philia and Knitting For Noobs.
Though the last one may include some more exotic materials than normal for use.
>>
>>37083055
I thought your department already found proof that we don't pay taxes using some kind of mathomancy involving the number 0. Did the kings accountants find a way to disprove your claim?
>>
>>37083082
Eh, uhhhm... too many elves? Angry 'bout elves?
>>
>>37083073
You are begging for a poetry reading.
>>
>>37083104
ae wae toe mæny elv's maet oy wanae goe hoem aem scaered!

Dark ale.
>>
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>>37083058
The voices in my head told me
>>37083027
Actually we had to sell all our golems... except Mr. Rushmore... I could never part with Mr. Rushmore
>>
>>37083093
girls of the mages guild calender
guys of the mages guild calender
men and woman of the mages guild calender for the bisexuals

wet tshirt contest
cart wash
quiz night
auction off dates with our most eligible bachelors (i may not be a bachelor but im still eligible call me ladys and gents)
>>
>>37083064
Really, this guy >>37083066 says it's over there.

Shame about the goloms though, allergic to the things I am, it's the truth, I swear.

>>37083079
And I've been rumbled.

Also, the guild is a shame, everyone else is an undercover paladin or cleric trying to catch rouges.

None of them have realized this and they all think that they are the only undercover paladin in the place.
>>
*yawn* good morning, wizards...
>>37083082
... oh. Who let the dirt eaters in?
>>37082986
Come near me and you are food for giant spiders. Just so to speak.
>>
>>37083111
ah you want to go home i can do that here take my arm and i will take you home
>>
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Hear me, wizards, for I bring a message from the realm of Banana!

Long have the people of Banana been treated with utter and foul disrespect for in all their wisdom they are but considered a race of sentient bananas. How foolish we were!

Yet they have shown themselves benevolent and in exchange for us introducing and supporting the school of Bananamancy and treating bananas as our equals, protected by our laws and customs, they have promised a substantial donation of 10000 golden Peels!

Surely we will accept...
>>
>>37083055
Who are you, and what has made you think that my position as Head of Bureaumancy is vacant and up for grabs?
>>
>>37083124
It is a rough life, aight... now get out, thief!
>>37083115
At least something I can relate to, always up for a calendar.
>>37083125
Hey lass.
>>
>>37083115
Uh, how about I start making some extremely delicious cattle and breeding them at three times the speed? Sell the things and we have money. Or we could do the plant based equivalent.
>>
>>37083125
fair enough

you sure you dont want a quick fuck i need to relive the stress of missing out on spending more time with my family
>>
>>37083134
lad... ae aent laevn withoot me lads æða.

I'm never sober.
>>
>>37083125
Illyria, please don't antagonize the Dwarf.
>>
>>37083151
are they sexy cattle
>>
>>37083124
STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!
>>
>>37083156

Ok, you are forbidden from now on to touch, talk, and otherwise make any kind of contact with me. I'm going to tell Noel if you do.
>>37083162
As you please, mother.
>>37083147
Good morning, Cromina. Still drunk?
>>
>>37083160
oh shit i cant help you find your children right now sorry talk to the scryers they would be able to do it much faster then i can
>>
If we are looking for Currency, I suggest We open a Portal to the Demi-Plane of Money, though Cash Elemental might not take it nicely....
>>
>>37083168
Not all fleshwarping is for sex, or murder, or destruction. These cattle are going to be deliciously edible and easy to care for, including disease resistance. Hell, I'm even going to have it so that they skin themselves as they die.
>>
>>37083147
I didn't want to be a thief you know.

I had dreams of being the greatest prankster in the realms, spooking everyone and being famous.

But now, I'm in a guild of rouges, and no one's there is a rouge but me, I don't even like gold, and worst of all......I have no skin.

>Pulls back hood to reveal a skull.


>>37083171
Oh sod off mate, I ain't done anything lately so you can't do nothing.

And rouges are legalized nowadays.
>>
>>37083160
>æða.
Erhm, ye ain't leaving without your, your run? What does it mean?
>>37083179
Hangover is killing the shit out of me.
>>
>>37083162
noel please tell lllyria i am sorry and to not bring your wrath down upon me
>>
>>37083114
Really? Well then, how would you like to sell the rights to your corpse for a large sum of gold? As per the standard contract I would not have any rights to it until after you die of course, but I'm starting to have a feeling that won't be to long now.
>>
>>37083192
Bow down and beg for forgiveness if you truly want to be granted it.
>>
>>37082464
>Invented Languages: Elvish and Moonspeak
While I just got my papers to teach theoretical mathematics and the possible application to summoning from higher dimensions, I suppose I can moonlight as a teacher for moon runes. The only problem is the beard tax. Can't grow the damn thing!
>>
>>37083192
What did you even do, anyway?
>>
>>37083189
EHW! Gross!
>>37083114
Aw come on man, yer not fooling me again with the "voices in the head" thing.
>>
fŒckin elv's staeled me lads ae ae ae...

[Ar] 3d6 4s2
Phase solid
Melting point 1811 K (1538 °C, 2800 °F)
Boiling point 3134 K (2862 °C, 5182 °F)
Density near r.t. 7.874 g·cm−3
liquid, at m.p. 6.98 g·cm−3
Heat of fusion 13.81 kJ·mol−1
Heat of vaporization 340 kJ·mol−1
Molar heat capacity 25.10 J·mol−1·K−1
>>
>>37083187
sounds excelent

>>37083189
well how would you like to be a gatecrasher i have meet many fine gatecrashers in my time they travel the planes causing funny shit to happen
>>
>>37083213
Hey, bones are natural and an expression of ones true inner self, filthy meatbag with all it's guts and gore telling me I'm gross.
>>
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>>37083189
ONLY THE MEMBERS OF THE ROGUE'S GUILD ARE LEGALIZED, WHERE ARE YOUR MEMBERSHIP PAPERS?
>>
>>37083211
He tried to seduce me. In a very rude way and without the proper three years of courting.
>>37083218
Speak common, dirt eater. How are we supposed to understand what did the "elves" stole from you?
>>
>>37083179
G'morning Illyria. Wanna help me figure out who stole all our gold?

Also, I'll need access to the treasury room in order to get a good postcog viewing. At least, I should be able to do that...I think.
>>
>>37083206
hey i was asking your mother not you if your mother tells you to forgive me you better dam well forgive me
>>
>>37083071
'fraid so Sam
Don't suppose you have any family you could stay over for the holidays, would you?
>>
>>37083211
i asked her to have sex with me
>>37083156
>>
>>37083227
Ehw. Ehw ehw ehw. Don't come near me. I am fond of my meatbag self, especially some parts of it.
>>
>>37083228
Uh, one second.

Reaches into his ribcage and pulls out a wad of papers.

Here you are fleshy.

>>37083224
And no, I prefer to work alone, they guild just allowed me resources to do my dream.

Until I realized everyone was a FUCKING PALADIN!

I'm an undead rouge, they're my most hated foes.
>>
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>>37083100
The prosecutor argued that the paragraph about 'Guild of Mages' not having to pay taxes could not possibly refer to "Mages Guild". The problem are the taxdodging lawsuits not the taxes themselves, they were so many that before i could file the right bills they formed a new plane of existance. We can't pay them until we scavange that entire world for lawsuit paper. The local wildlife has taken to calling it Alara.
>>
>>37083235
i would have given the 3 years of courting for a full relationship which you expressed no interest in and i am starting to think i would not want im not going to waste 3 years on a single sexual encounter
>>
>>37083238
Sure, sammy. I'll gladly help you.
>>37083244
Why don't you adopt her too?
>>37083266
I am leagues above you, anyway.
>>
>>37083227
Do you WANT me to just tear all those fucking parts of yours apart? I SPECIALIZE IN GUTS, GORE AND MEAT YOU FUCKING PRICKLESS ROGUE!
>>
>>37083235
Elves stole my fucking kids. I demand help. ae ae

I am distrustful of magic.
>>
>>37083256
who ever said anything about working with other people gatecrashing has nothing to do with any guild
>>
>>37083273
HERE WE GO! Man I love this guy. How are you Carn?
>>
>>37083252
jeez you really dont like skeletons
>>
>>37083189
I'm sure if you apply some of your rouge you'll make that bleached skull of yours appear more lifelike
>>
>>37083278
Were they surface scum... I men, surface elves or underdark dwellers?
>>
>>37083289
Feeling like using Jenkins' earbones as toothpicks, I will NOT have someone be hating on the flesh without reason.
>>
>>37083257
a demiplane you say thats my speciality

now if you want i can colapse the whole demiplane so all the papers spill out onto the astral plane if that will not solve your problems i dont think i can help though sorry
>>
>>37083249
Tuypo you weirdo, my daughter is not some one night stand material.
>>37083271
Adoption is a very serious matter, besides I'm sure Sam has her own family that provides her.
>>
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>>37083256
THESE PAPERS EXPIRED LAST WEEK AND THEY ARE FOR THE ROUGES GUILD NOT THE ROGUES GUILD... wait, rouge? You are a member of a cosmetics guild? Terribly sorry, I was looking for criminals, not cosmetic artists, move along.
>>
>>37083273
Well tell her to stop calling me gross, I find you guys gross and I have to deal with it all the time.

>>37083257
My brother works in prosecuting, he's a skeleton like me which gives him an advantage because you have to be heartless to do it!

>Rattles mirthfully
>>
>>37083311
who ever said anything about all night a quick fuck right here and now would be fine

oh god i have not had sex in months i used to perform sexual intercourse several times a night but my work is just to much for it nowdays
>>
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>>37083140
>>37083055
So which one of you is my boss? While Tedias is the one in filed as the executive punishment dealer, Verilex is the one filed as "in charge of Magic School salaries".
>>
>>37083322
I have ways of turning you to mush and deriving nourishment from every last ounce of you, are you REALLY sure you want to piss off someone who can do that?
>>
>>37083304
ae dunnae knoe, thae aer al thae saem tae me. thae saeyd thae'll forcae mae aeldest laed tae feck thaem in thae aerse. trær.

Pickaxes.
>>
>>37083340
>>37083322
people please cant we just agree that flesh and bones are both great
>>
>>37083337
Both actually, your department is a bureaucratic nightmare.
>>
>>37083218
Hang on...those numbers seem awfully familiar. Lemme double check a few textbooks...

>>37083271
While I'm sure Noel wouldn't be terribly opposed to it, it'd be...kinda awkward for me. Plus I have a few connections to where I can slum it out for the rest of the holidays if I needed to.

>>37083257
>Alara
FUCK. No good can come from that place.
>>
>>37083318
>Once the guard is gone

It's a good thing I can't spell, spent too long in a crypt you see.

Faked the papers, thank god he didn't notice the little skulls above the i's.

>>37083340
I have no problem with you as a person, and I am sure you are good at your profession, but what's with all this anti-bone stuff.

I may not be fond of flesh, but I realize it's purpose and that it is a vital part of life.
>>
>>37083358
you can stay with my family if you want we have plenty of spare bedrooms
>>
>>37083334
I...didn't need to know that Tuypo, I really didn't.
>>37083342
They're BLUE, Dwarf.
Sometimes.
Sometimes their brown for some reason, you think being underground wouldn't lead to that color.
>>
>>37083346
I adore bones on the basis that they hold the flesh and allow it to move in glorious ways, and can be used as spines and weapons. I view Jenkins as a fucking affront to the reason bones exist.
>>
>>37083342
It is easy to tell us apart, rockhead. We are black, the other ones are not.
>>37083358
But don't you have parents or family at all?
>>
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Felicitations, everyone. What's the matter on this the final day of the solar year?
>>
The lolimancers have a damn near neverending supply of bodies. I swear they outnumber us ten to one these days.

Should we be concerned?
>>
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>>37083318
>wait, rouge? You are a member of a cosmetics guild? Terribly sorry, I was looking for criminals, not cosmetic artists, move along.
>infinite keks
Muh Knigga!
>>
>>37083378
wait why the fuck do the lolimancers have bodys what are they doing to there conjurations
>>
>>37083368
>>37083374
Eh, the whole "tan elves" thing always trikes me as fucking stupid. How it comes some of you are like that if there is no sun underground.
>>37083376
Trivial, that's what it is.
>>
>>37083371
Hey, if In go buy a large amount of meat and cover myself in it would you stop being so anti-skelly?

You can even make it look realistic.

I detest flesh and will do this if you will stop being such a dick.
>>
>>37083368
bid fior, thae waer blaek an 'ad stavs ae ae.

Slaves to Armok: God of Blood Chapter II: Dwarf Fortress.
>>
>>37083386
trivial trivial its not fucking trivial i need gold to pay for gems to create demiplanes damit
>>
>>37083389
Hating on flesh, ehw. Kiss my toned and smooth ass, Lord Skellington.
>>37083396
As I said trivial.
>>
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>>37083347
>my sides just ignited the planeswalker spark
oh god
>>
As the head of our grand library I would like to report, that we have numerous instances of theft of books by our apprentice, we should do something about this!
>>
>>37083407
how dare you you bitch
>>
>>37083407
Ahem, I would appreciate if you didn't use Skellington's name as an insult, he is a valued member of this guild.
>>
>>37083386
I am deep blue if this makes you feel any better.
>>37083412
please wait as I retrieve my sides from the Underdark
>>
>>37083378
The bodies are physically underimposing, but if people stopped wanting to be little girls so often it would be far less of a problem! Regardless, their lolis are counted towards their student body cap so they can't make many more.
>>37083389
Now is not the place for a debate on fleshism. >>37083421
Theft is as illegal here as elsewhere. Do you have any idea who may be responsible?
>>
>>37083407
I don't have lips and so it is impossible for me to do so.

Also, hows breathing going, be a shame if you had to do it manually.
>>
>>37083423
Ach, sorry Res. I thought he was in the MMU however.
>>37083422
Bring it on uncultured savage.
>>
>>37083389
No, no I will not. Not even if you used meat. Because, unlike you, I have a dick and can use it. How long has your dry spell been, Jenkins?
>>
>>37083431
Those pesky new mages, they think that if they're studying magic all books are opened to them!
We know that most of the books stolen are about invisibility, succubi summoning and of course building plans of women bathrooms
>>
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>>37083374
...I'd rather not talk about it. Suffice to say compared to what you've been through I don't have any reason to bitch.

And...yeah. I'm almost positive that what >>37083218 was talking about is Mythril Silver.

...that shit's pretty expensive, think we could get enough to pay off the suit?
>>
>>37083436
You can very well see how's my breathing going judging by my tightly squeezed big breasts going up and down under my leather armor, "bones". Of course, sexual matters are something I don't expect you to understand.
>>
>>37083437
me uncultured at least i dont call others research trivial
>>
>>37083386
Well, brown elves seem to be really popular among the apprentices regardless.
>>
>>37083468
I understand... come here, Sam, have an hug. You can always stay with us if you want.
>>37083481
Lolis are too. Sexual deviancy is a matter of currency here at the guild..
>>37083472
... and here you have the proof.
>>
>>37083441
I haven't had a sexual desire for a good century.
I have no hormones and am not bound by such such desires.

Can we just bury the hatchet already, my people are peaceful and don't like violence.

Unless it's against zombies but that's another story.

>>37083423
OH SHIT CORPSE ENSLAVER!
>>
>>37083468
oh mining thats a great idea not as good as my fundraising ideas but every little bit counts it will augment the calenders nicely
>>
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>>37083468
THE LAWSUIT IS A PLANE OF EXISTANCE ITSELF! I CAN'T READ IT UNTIL SOMEONE CONVERTS IT TO PAPER!
>>
>>37083437
He might not come by the guild to often but like most liches he holds membership as part of the Necromancy Department.
>>
>>37083492
I regret nothing.
>>37083496
I pity you.
>>
>>37083496
YES, RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE NECROMANCER LIKE THE SCARED LITTLE CALCIUM CARBONATE DEPOSIT YOU ARE!
>>
>>37083460
Well we'll need to do a full inquiry as to every visitor into and out of the library so we can find out the responsible party/parties. You have kept the arcane tracers on, right?
>>37083472
Behave yourself, honestly. Mages get a bad enough reputation for deviancy as it is.
>>
>>37083496
You noticed me now? And here I thought you were the rogue.
>>37083513
Has this man caused any real trouble or is it just a personal dispute between the two of you?
>>
>>37083492
i know that i have been talking about sex today but i want you to know the hug i am offering now is completely platonic a good hug can always make everything better

you can have a hug from me to

also

can i please have a hug about missing out on family time
>>
>>37083500
oh in that case as i said before i can do that
>>
>>37083524
He tried to get into our vault. The dispute is very personal, but I would love to see your arts at work on him.
>>
>>37083468
It seems trouble with family is a recurring aspect with people I like. Me and being an orphan, Fryia and Jheska, Illya ad Jheska, so on.
>>
>>37083524
He is calling me an affront to hi beliefs, I called him a meatbag.

I think he is just jealous of my polished skull.
>>
>>37083524
its a personal thing she cant stand that he has no flesh
>>
>>37083496
The undead without hormones, we some books that have knowledge that might change the state of undeadness of yours, if you'd like to feel again
>>37083521
Of course, but our library is soo big we do not have enough resources to place them everywhere
>>
>>37083337
I am, have always been and will always be sole head of Bureaumancy, and I find it offensive you would even suggest that there is doubt of that. I have never heard of this so-called head of 'bureaucratomancy'.
>>
>>37083524
The latter, it's really rather distracting this 'fleshism' debate.
>>
>>37083527
Absolutely not. Stay away from me.
>>37083548
I'm going to tell Noel.
>>
>>37083540
ok its done i collapsed the plane all those papers are just floating in the astral plane now for you to go pick up
>>
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>>37083492
...Thanks. It means a lot that you're willing to look out for me.

>>37083500
Wait. okay, let me see if I'm following this.
The ruling was we had been dodging taxes. Because of that, they filed a lot of lawsuits. So many suits that they collapsed into their own plane of existence. That about right?

In that case, since they're still pending, we shouldn't have paid out settlements yet. SO WHERE IS THE GOLD?
>>
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>>37083532
Lawmagus! I've missed you so much! Im sorry about the succubus! I didn't know you conjured her, please help me! Please
>>
>>37083561
Nah, thanks for the offer but I'm happy with how I am.
>>
>>37083521
Two weeks ago I would have said "deviancy is my second name, ahahah".
>>37083513
Carn please, I can only laugh that much before dying and you are not helping.
>>
>>37083571
i was offering a hug to Samantha not you and i would not want a hug from you i dont like you
>>
>>37083553
While I am capable of being a woman in form, genetics and function, I prefer being a man. Not as much hormonal shifts.
>>37083551
I perfect the flesh, you have none, thus I view you as utterly debased. You started the entire thing by belittling my chosen field of study anyway.
>>
>>37083576
The what? What are you talking about? I've only been in this guild for a week!
>>37083573
You collapsed the entire plane of Alara?! That is entirely against transplanar law! Alara is a Class 4 Developed plane, one with sapient citizens with developed cultures! Restore it at once or I will be forced to take legal action!
>>
>>37083585
Stay away from Sam, then. I'm going to tell Fryia. Be warned.
>>
>>37083547
Well since the beuromancers are apparently convinced the vaults are empty I don't see the harm in that.
>>37083551
If you were the bound servant of a proper necromancer you wouldn't have to deal with that you know. Interested in signing a contract of service?
>>37083553
>>37083570
Very well then, not my problem.
>>
>>37083574
holy shit your right what the fucks going on here
>>
>>37083589
Actually, the lass started it by calling me gross.

So it's actually her fault.
>>
>>37083583
I can increase your lung capacity to better allow for laughing and performance in battle. Interested?
>>
>>37083592
Ahw come on, blast the idiot out of existence already!
Captcha Yeess
Se, my personal oracle is ok with it.
>>37083604
Uhmmm... sign me up.
>>
>>37083589
i was talking about the debate between him and cromina which you got into and yes he should not have belittled your field that makes him just as bad as cromina is for belitiling mine
>>
>>37083589
Carnifex, your last book on flesh weaving, bending and warping had many problems with other authors, furthermore we have some doubts that you wrote the book alone but with stolen works of other mages
>>
>>37083598
I dunno, I came from a colony of Skeletons that escaped being enslaved as an undead army,

We got the necromancer that controlled us imprisoned after we got the law on him.

So if you offer pay I might accept the offer.
>>
>>37083609
Yadda yadda yadda, you know, I chose to care more about people recently but something about you really gets under my skin.
>>
>>37083608
We can do that after the meeting, it's an outpatient procedure and requires no incisions. I work miracles of the flesh with my magic alone.
>>
>>37083592
ah shit well that could be hard it would require a deity to be able to put it back i will talk to garl about it but im sure he will want a major favour for this

besides if it was indeed inhabited the inhabitants should be scattered around the planes gets the scryers on it and i think i can round them all up
>>
>>37083623
If you were a skeleton, nothing would get under your skin.......

Skeleton:1
Cromina:0
>>
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>>37083594
um...while I appreciate the protective shtick and all, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It-it's not like he's threatening me, so calm down a bit, okay?

Geez, you're as bad as Fryia sometimes with her temper.

>>37083600
That's what I wanted to find out, but they won't let me into the treasury room to actually get a LOOK at what happened.

...I'm starting to think we've been duped.
>>
>>37083635
- you got me.
>>
>>37083618
Pay? Hmm... I would have to make a new contract for that, usually you undead servants are content being protected from paladins and help being put together again if something should happen to them. But I'll see what I can do.
>>
>>37083635
But we're all skeletons...deep inside us
>>
>>37083623
its the fact i defended jenkins i guess
>>
>>37083561
Well surely you've placed them at the exits and spatially locked the place to prevent teleportation out?
>>37083608
I won't be removing his irresponsible body from existence. That would be unlawful. No, this is a matter of transplanar law. I am going to personally see to it that he faces the full penalty of his actions for wiping out millions, even billions, of sapient beings and destroying millenia's worth of artifacts and culture!
He will be taken directly to the Empyreans for an *immediate* consignment!
>>37083634
There were billions of inhabitants, and the plane itself was host to uncounted years of history and important artifacts! Fix this by sunset or I'll have you dragged off to the Council!
>>
>>37083638
Uh, I, ok. But he is threatening you, you can never guess what he thinks. He offered me to have sex right after having seen me for the first time!
>>
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So how is the financial situation going, are we still bankrupt?
>>
>>37083652
millenias worth the planes only a few days old are you telling me that place was had retardedly fast time
>>
>>37083648
Nah, been finding your speech pattern irritating for a long time.
>>37083652
Yeah take him to your bosses, let's see if they can sort something out from his babbling.
>>
>>37083616
Oh for fuck's sake, it was a meta-analysis of all other fleshwarping methods and the magical significance of the field. If they actually READ the damn thing, they'd understand that. I gained consent from all parties involved. I EVEN HAVE PROOF OF THIS IN WRITING, GEAS AND MULTIPLE OTHER MAGICAL CONTRACTS!
>>
>>37083658
that was half a joke

ok a 10th a joke

would you belive .36 percent
>>
>>37083638
Really, between me and Fryia, Illya sort of has a few too many important figures in her life having hair-trigger tempers.
>>
>>37083683
Try not to worsen the situation you've gotten yourself in, I am so going to tell both Noel and Fryia!
>>
>>37083646
Yeah, there's a movement going on in the undead masses.

We have to ask for pay before accepting a contract now.

>>37083647
That's the spirit!
>>
>>37083698
honestly you need to write down the relationship between all of you its impossible to work out how you know each other
>>
>>37083666
Alara is an ancient plane, the conflux of it happened thousands of years ago!
Are you telling me that you destroyed the wrong plane?!?
>>37083674
I've got more than half a mind!! Tuypo, you fix this at once!
>>
>>37083665
Quite so, I'm afraid. My department is currently working on a loophole which, if executed properly, should legally make the Elemental Plane of Cash the property of a certain arch-mage and his shareholders, but it's still going through the department of Forms and Admissions, so it may take a while. In the meantime, everyone should spend some quality time with their souls. Just, you know, in case.
>>
>>37083710
Check the 1d4chanomicon page, someone is working on it recently, it seems.
>>37083712
Go for the throat sister!
>>
>>37083700
noel only kind of cares as long as i dont try anything with you i will be fine and trust me i have no intent to you have made the fact you have no interest in me clear im not the type to persist on somebody who does not want me
>>
>>37083665
Your department was always bankrupt as I remember
>>37083652
With new cuts in budgets after we used our fundings on building new rooms for gaint books that are giant version of arcane tomes we can't even control all the exists, for example we portal all the portal to other planes, like plane of bureaucracy, we can't keep them all under surveillance
>>
>>37083714
That would cause massive inflation! We can't simply bring in new money, it would devalue the currency and lead to economic collapse on such a scale!
In any case, I am only on temporary assignment at the guild so I would appreciate you not taking my soul.
>>
>>37083710
Fryia = my wife
Illya = my adopted drow princess daughter
Sam = my apprentice
You = shithead
>>
>>37083698
I don't mind really, to be fair.
On a more pressing matter, Soros and Cromina and the Ex-head of necromancy say you should explain to me what is a "lesbian" I for one think it is some kind of yugoloth.
>>
>>37083712
but i thought they said it was created when the lawsuits collapsed wait a second we have worked out we cant auctualy be broke could i have been lied to again and tricked into destroying an ancient plane

no i dont belive you it colapsed far to easy for it to be that old

unless somebody weakened it beforehand and oh god i have ruined the lives of millions of people oh god
>>
This meeting is killing my sides guys.
>>37083745
Here we go again.
>>
>>37083736
Really? I can't see anything there, what is the page called?
>>
>>37083742
ah that makes sense
>>
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>>37083752
This was planned?! But who would do... wait a minute...

BOOOLAAAAAAAS!!!
>>
>>37083752
>unless somebody weakened it beforehand and oh god i have ruined the lives of millions of people oh god
You do not sound contrite at all.
>>
>>37083745
a lesbian is a woman who is sexualy attracted to other females but not other males
>>
>>37083745
We have five thousands books on the theme of lesbians(actually more), I think that might help you
>>
>>37083778
or im sad but i dont blame myself whoevers fault this is is going down though
>>
>>37083745
Lesbiens are female meatbags that are sexually attracted to other female meatbags, despite this making them unable to reproduce.
>>
>>37083745
Urk.
OK, ummm-
>>37083758
Cromina, you have center stage!
>>
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>>37083771
Aaaand suddenly everything makes sense. Fucking Nicol Bolas threw out the bait and we fell for it hook, line and sinker.

...That STILL doesn't explain where all the gold went.
>>
>>37083771
OH NAY, not him!
>>37083779
>>37083785
>>37083788
>hits them on their heads
shut up, this is gonna be funny if noel has to explain herself I think -
>>37083790
WHAT?
>>
Hey lawmages, can one of you come to the police station with me? I can't explain to them that I wasn't speeding, but actually just shortening the road.

Anyway, I'm back. Actually, I'm going to the cafeteria first. brb
>>
>>37083796
im guessing he stole it to keep him off his trail for longer

where the fuck are all the scryers we need to save those people
>>
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>>37083714
Tell me when it's done, these new classes I have to teach are boring me.
>>37083736
Actually during my time as the head of the Witchcraft Faculty I managed to ensure all my departments funding comes from there. So unless Fryia finds out and does something about that the economic situation the economic situation of my department not my problem.
>>
>>37083736
Why did you go and waste your funding on that? Well I haven't time for theft right now, I'll send a couple inquisitorcerers down. I'm busy with total planar destruction!
>>37083796
It's simple - Bolas takes the money, the Bureacromancers declare bankruptcy, the plane of Alara becomes mysteriously listed as the plane where their papers are being kept, and so they destroy Alara and Bolas makes off with a relatively paltry amount of gold!
>>
>>37083801
Come on come on don't be shy, lord knows modesty and shame are foreign concepts to you.
>>
>>37083779
>>37083785
... Come again? I... >>37083801 >>37083790
What is going on here?
>>
>>37083725
indeed they have its impresive
>>
>>37083813
Do you want me to send the Phyrexians against Bolas? I have great contacts with them.
>>
>>37083741
First things first: Temporary assignment =\= temporary ownership of soul. I'm afraid you'll just have to hope our plan works.
Secondly, inflation is not something the Bureaumancy department touches on. In fact, we have long since decided to ignore it altogether. Take that as you want.
>>
>>37083813
Fucking BASTERDS! I'm SOOO gonna kill them all- well except for Bolas.
>>37083815
I hate you noel, what am I to say?
>>37083817
Uhm, ehr, eheheh, so you know, about, ehr, beefolks and flowerfolks, ehm, excpet no beefolk is actually involved. Ehm.
>>
>>37083813
The fundings are not wasted, we had to print those books for the equality between normal people and giants
And someone said something about gold, you mean new golden covers for our most precious books ?
>>
>>37083813
or more accurately the plane of alara becomes the plane listed as the plane that is made from the papers
>>
>>37083771
....who?
>>
>>37083840
What is a flower?
>>37083846
Well you helped them too, it is your fault as well.
>>
>>37083853
a miserable little pile of polen
>>
>>37083829
No. No, don't do that. That is a terrible idea.
>>37083840
Well we can't fight Bolas directly unless somehow all of us could planeshift. And we've seen where Mass Planeshift efforts in the past went.
>>37083831
Well don't bother, we've found out where your funds went to!
>>
>>37083849
a big ass scary dragon. I worked for him once, it was horrible. He is a dick like no others.
>>37083853
Help me guys, help me guys, help me-
>>
>>37083853
Here (Gives a book "course of human sexual diversity with illustrations")
>>
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>>37083813
That's the thing though - Bolas is a millenia-old draconic planeswalker. Why the fuck does he need gold, especially as small a take as what we'd have?

>>37083831
Are Cash Elementals flammable? Because if they are then I ought to be able to dispatch them without too much collateral damage.
>>
>>37083705
...I'll have to look into that.

>>37083790
Now now, that's not fair to Illyria. Cromina used to be a man and as such has a completely different perspective on the whole thing than someone like you who has first hand experience. Doesn't she deserve to know from the one who knows best?
>>
>>37083869
what i explained lesbians to her you can explain flowers its basic biology in fact shes being lazy get to the library and read a textbook
>>
>>37083876
Thank you, honorable librarian... uh-oh...
>blush from the chin to the points of the hears
>>37083861
kek
>>
>>37083884
that makes sense
>>
>>37083883
They certainly are. I don't see why you would want to, though.
>>
>>37083883
The gold is just a way to get his plan into action, but I have high doubts he'll be returning it.
>>37083849
Suffice to say, he makes Jheska look like an unprepared first-level mage.
>>
>>37083884
Seems like it is not a problem anymore-
-i'm sorry noel please don't hurt me no more, no more.
>>37083862
Fighting Bolas! AH. great bait mate, I rate it eight on eight.
Wait for real? We are screwed.
>>
>>37083924
this must be real ancient history from before we kept any notes on the things we did at all
>>
>>37083924
The Phyrexians are capable of felling Bolas with poison and they have superior numbers, this is why I offered the option.
>>
So we're broke. I suppose I should get back out in the field and recover valuable artifacts.
>>37083894
Well that's the face of someone getting the talk if I've ever seen it.
>>
>>37083937
Everything can be found in the depth of library, of course it takes several days to find the right place were you can pick up the book from time warp conundrum were all such precious book are stacked
>>
>>37083957
>keeps on reading
>skin turns purple
>>
>>37083957
No, what we need to do now is stop that godsdamned dragon who stole our gold and destroyed an entire plane in the process!
>>37083952
But not like that. That can only end badly.
>>
>>37083957
i forgot just how young she was really

my children learn about sex well before they become sexualy mature though i instill science in every last one of them so it does not bother them
>>
>>37083967
Got to the good part already? That was quick.
>>
>>37083952
I won't be that sure, the dragon has more aces than you could imagine in his metaphorical sleeves.
>>37083957
Pierre, pierre! They made me do horrible things, I'm so scaaaared!
>>
>>37083974
the illustrations are magical and able move
>>
>>37083967
Are you OK there fleshy?

You seem to be changing colours which I doubt is good for you.
>>
>>37083981
New Phyrexia is not the only stronghold of theirs, they have MULTIPLE planes in their grasp. All they need is another Yawgmoth to rally behind.
>>
>>37083982
>>37083974
I, I, I, I,I...
... for real?
>>37083987
So those noises...uh-oh...
>Slowly turning red
>>
>>37083972
i guess i should not have assumed she would know what i meant by sexually mature
>>
>>37083894
Ahem, well know that you're up to speed. Still I'm surprised you didn't know what lesbians were, isn't Drow society all about matriarchy and stuff? I'd figured they would fool around at least once in their long, long life times..
>>
>>37083998
All we don't need is another Yawgmoth bossing around the multiverse.
>>
>>37083970
I don't meddle between planes. More trouble than it's worth. Since my restaurant is doing particularly well, I can donate a fair amount. Everyone seems to want a romantic dinner lately. Would fifty thousand platinum bring us closer to being out of the hole?
>>37083981
I for one am disappointed. This was entirely Noel and Fryia's responsibility to explain.
>>37083982
So the whole thing's the good part?
>>37084000
Could be worse, I walked in on my parents once.
>>
>>37084000
dont worry lllyria sex is a wonderfull thing you will soon come to understand that
>>
>>37084010
Ah... ah. Ah-ah. Ah.
>>37084017
...uh.
>blushing intensifies
>>
>>37084010
you would think so yes
>>
>>37083998
Again, doing so is a terrible idea. You know who would be all to eager to become Father of Machines? A certain millenia-old Dragon.
>>37084015
This isn't just a matter of currency, an entire plane was destroyed! Now tuypo said he might be able to reconstitute it, but something must be done!
>>37084017
Tuypo you are an incredibly disturbing man, and I would prefer if you were kept away from all minors in the guild.
>>
>>37084012
Who is worse, Yawgmoth or Bolas? Choose now. I prefer Yawgmoth, he's a man after my own heart. Bolas just doesn't want to learn the magic of life to gain his immortality and power back.
>>
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>>37083909
to kill them so we can harvest the cash from their bodies - wasn't it obvious?

>>37083919
and we don't have any kind of insurance against theft of guild funds?

It's crazy, just a few days ago we had flex-spend expense accounts and were practically giving gold away. Turns out it would have been safer had everyone done that.

...now that I think about it I probably have enough gold to survive without needing to call in any favors after all.

>>37083982
oh dear...
>>
>>37084015
>I for one am disappointed. This was entirely Noel and Fryia's responsibility to explain.
well we assumed she knew what sex was and just did not know it did not have to be between a man and a woman it was an honest mistake
>>
>>37084010
When I was down there a few centuries ago they were doing it openly, didn't even bother to get a room or anything, things must have changed over the years.
>>
>>37084037
Bolas is not entirely compatible with that role, his puppet Tezzeret is however.
>>
>>37084015
Noel dumped it on my shoulders! She KNOWS I am abashed by this kind of things!
>>37084039
Bolas i better. At least he doesn't make an unthinking machine out of you, just an unwitting pawn.
>>
>>37084025
Could fry an egg on your face.
>>37084037
I understand that a plane was destroyed, but I can't really do much about that. I've only got a trickle of power available to use outside of a few schools of magic. I'll help with our problems on this plane, anywhere else I'm going to be out of my league.
>>
>>37084043
... help me...
>>
>>37084037
hey i said im not a pedophile it does not count as pedophilia if you are attracted to all people regardless of age

besides i was not coming onto her i was acting as a friend telling her all the fun she would have with other people that werent me
>>
>>37084058
Are you forgetting that New Phyrexia has multiple leaders and massive free will in their volcanic regions?
>>
>>37084039
The fact that you admire Yawgmoth is a little frightening, but that isn't the matter at hand.
>>37084043
Funds change quickly in this Guild, unfortunately.
>>37084074
Mirrodin is a lost cause, but its new denizens are divided and weak. There is not the place we must worry about.
The problem is not Phyrexia, it is Bolas! We shall leave the Phyrexians for another time.
>>
>>37084074
A new Yawgmoth and the concept of free will don't mesh that well, you know?
>>
>>37084058
Now that's just cruel. You haven't even caused her to be kidnapped before!
>>37084068
Oh, that reminds me. We need to talk about the state of your former home. I trust you've noticed the flow of assassins coming to a halt, yes?
>>37084071
Being attracted to someone below the age of consent, regardless of whomever else you are attracted to, is still pedophilia. Stay away from the younger members of the guild. Period.
>>
>>37084090
Oh, fair enough, how about we go full URZA on Bolas with the Phyrexians. Irony is delicious, is it not?
>>
>>37084089
>problem is bolas
EVERYONE problem is Bolas! We can't just, say pop in and stomp in into the ground, he will make his personal new bitches out of us and while I am mildly turned on by the thought it is still not in the realm of possibility to kill Bolas right now.
>>
>>37084071
Does your character represent any real-life opinions you have?
>>
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>>37084068
I'm sorry, but what has been seen cannot be unseen. You can however be distracted by it, so look at me, I'm an adorable distraction.
>>
>>37084052
Wonder what happened.
>>37084015
I panicked, OK?!
>>
Okay I'm back with book about Bolas.....AHA...wait...that's not how to defeat them...that's clearly the wrong one
(throws the book on the floor)
I'll be back soon, with the right book
>>
>>37084100
fine i will stay away

besides im not even attracted to those who are not sexualy mature that would be creppy but i refuse to bow to the idea that sexual maturity is measured by age

how old is Illyria anyway
>>
>>37084115
We don't need to defeat him, that would be impossible. But we need to restore Alara, and as a sidenote get back our funding.
>>37084108
As Cromina said, we aren't going to defeat Bolas. Now please, phyresis is not something we want.
>>
>>37084119
You realize that I will never not laugh at you for this, right? I have a moral and civic duty to find this funny.
>>37084129
I believe the book we wanted was how to SLAY bolas.
>>
>>37084100
>closes the book, breathing deeply
T-t-tell me, honorable Conspierre.
>>37084118
Thank you... will cromina be mad at me if I hug you?
>>37084132
I am 165 years old, pervert.
>>
>>37084135
I dropped my nametag in all of this excitement.
>>37084132
Please leave.
>>
>>37084135
Phyresis is curable, you know, just has to be a fleshwarper to give the cure.
>>
>>37084117
well my character does not have the opinions you think he has you seem to misunderstand >>37084132
>>
>>37084100
>>37084144
"WE HAVE THE BOOK ABOUT THAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO BRING FOR YOU?"
(Shout from the far away)
>>
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>>37084144
Cromina does by no means possess exclusive hugging rights, you may hug me if you wish.
>>
>>37084144
ok in that case im just confused as to how you did not know what a lesbian is but fair enough
>>
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>>37084129
You don't DEFEAT Nicol Bolas. You just convince him you're not worth picking a fight with. if what Fryia was saying is accurate, then Jake'ness might be in the realm of "not worth it to pick a fight with" but that'd be about it. And even then, I'm not sure.

>>37084068
Uhh....I, I'm here. I don't really know how I can help though.
>>
>>37084158
Do you hold the same opinions?
>>
>>37082429
Oh god am I late? They've got me in an opaque box this time and I can't see shit.
>>
>>37084176
well i suppose you have lived a rather sheltered life
>>
>>37084135
This I can do.
>>37084168
*tosses a fireball in the general direction of Manus*
>>37084170
Don't I have them?
>>37084176
I for one think it is that sheltered lifestyle fault. Princesses, you know.
>>
>>37084144
Well, there was no getting around you losing the favor of Lolth. So, I started working on getting some cults within the city to go public. Garnering support from them in the shadows, assassinating anyone calling for genocide, you know the routine. The long and short of it is that anyone even thinking about having you killed is found dead, and a large number of the citizenry are taking that as a sign that while you may not be the chosen of Lolth, you are seen as some other kind of chosen one, which the various cults are arguing over. They're all under the impression that you're undergoing a pilgrimage to gain a greater understanding of the world, which isn't all that far from the truth. I would highly recommend becoming more proficient with all varieties of magic before you ever return there, wouldn't want to disappoint anyone.
>>
>>37084200
yeah it would be the sheltered lifestyle
>>
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>>37083592
>>37083347
>>37083909
Guys listen this is a bit funny.
Since both Tedias and Verilex are the official heads of the department, all papers signed by either of them are void unless they are signed by both of them. Which means that the next one down the chain has to reform all papers signed by not one but two heads of the department. I will be doing paperwork for the entire next year and until the sun explodes.
This does mean however that all punishment dealt out by either of them is void unless they both agree on the same punishment.
I don't have to take your shit anymore Tedias! Suck my wand of lesser dissapointment!

>>37083573
Tupyo I could kiss you! I have already sorted out and paid for all the lawsuits filed! YOU SAVED THE GUILD!
>>37083592
Who gives a shit! Who is going to sue us? They're dead! Even if they do we still have infinitely more funds than yesterday!

>>37083957
Conspierre, do you want the honour of buying back our pawned moral compass?

>>37083771
Lawmagus, could you somehow pin all of this on Bolas? He could be our patsy! Conspierre, the Esteemed Conspiromancer could help you!


Finally I can assume my true form!
DOSHINUS! Destroyer of Cash!
>>
>>37084191
>>37084176
tuypo pls
>>37084204
I'd say something about that being illegal, but then they're drow.
>>
>>37084181
An hug would be appreciated for starters
>>37084204

Misdirection and lies, and the right corpse in the right place at the right time, weren't you that pale, honorable Conspierre, one would even think you had drow blood. Nonetheless I shall thank you for your aid, godfather.
>>
>>37084214
Takarados, have you been working with Bolas this entire time?
Wait...
Do we have any actual proof that Bolas was responsible for this, and not just the blatant mismanagement of Takarados?
>>
>>37084214
im honestly quite impresed that bolas even put all those papers into the plane so that we would take longer to find him out
>>
>>37084242
i think that what takarados is staying still stacks up with the bolas theory bolos did put all the papers into the demiplane
>>
>>37084214
Well well well well.
Asskicking time has come.
>>37084242
Should I hit him hard, or HARD? Tell me lawmagus.
>>
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>>37084200
You never asked for exclusive rights, and to be honest I'm afraid that if I did give you exclusive hugging rights Mortimer would get the wrong idea.
>>37084214
So we are no longer broke then? I'm finally free from these extra classes? YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
>>
>>37084216
I got sick of the bicentennial declarations of war.
>>37084214
How far in the hole are we exactly?
>>37084237
Hah! You don't know what I looked like originally. I should have them signing treaties with the surface world within a few months at this rate.
>>
>>37084204
Damn.
>>
>>37084253
still you are right we have no reason to think it was bolas it could be a whole new enemy

>>37084264
now now lets not jump to conclusions nothing he has said has indicated he was not tricked like we all were
>>
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>>37084071
>>37084158
You already admitted that you're mentally damaged, to the point where you have bad memory and can't write correctly.
Jumping the question is making me worried.
>>
>>37084253
Oh no, now you're just shifting responsibility away from yourself! Unknowing or not, you've helped Takarados commit one of the most heinous acts of transplanar law!
>>37084264
The latter. I think it has proper sanction.
>>
Okay I'm back... and there is nothing else on Bolas, beside that one funfiction, or true story, about "laying" Bolas
>>
>>37084269
wait that means i can drop the extra classes to i get to spend time with my family for the first time in months horray once this meeting (and the overtime we may end up having at this rate) is over i can go spend time with them this is glorious
>>
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>>37084242
Here are the 1001 forms signed by witnesses of Bolas wrecking havoc in Alara. Here are the list of undead ready to swear in court that Nicol killed them all. Here are the bribe funds.

I am looking forward to working with you.
>>
>>37084294
Well well. I was just getting bored.
>>37084308
Gottwald' Magical Hand of Rebuke!
- ok, it is a giant ghostly boxing glove but it does the trick, ok?
>>
>>37084214
*Sigh*
Takarados, if there is anything I know, it's paperwork. And I do believe I'd have noticed if there was someone pretending to hold my position wandering around the halls. I'm beginning to believe you made up this Verilex person so you could avoid punishment, which only makes you more eligible for it. Don't push your luck, or I'll knock you back down to 3rd Bureaumancer.
>>
>>37084286
god damit i am not a pedophile ok there is no reason to think i am a pedophile and your just being paranoid now
>>
>>37084269
You have no idea how many letters of failure I've had to write. No one has passed their final exam to date!
>>37084274
I've been busy. Had to get Soros' help with one cult arising up worshiping the Gloom that I was inhabiting. It's complicated, but it birthed a new god who stresses the greater good, and a complicated set of beliefs. No divine favor messing with my already overtaxed magic thanks to all that. The best part is the spells I use to mask my presence can hide me from the gods, so from Lolth's point of view her warmongering priestesses just keep dropping dead mid conversation. I swear, I'm going to need Soros to divine the look on her face for me.
>>
I'm just going to find a closet and just let myself fall apart for a while.
>>
>>37084308
Witnesses that are dead, destroyed along with the plane. You are a cheat and a conniver, Takarados. And I will not be working with you save to see you brought to justice.
>>37084323
Making up titles and people is not something I would put beyond him.
>>
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>>37084237
That I can do.

>>37084242
The only "proof" we had was that Bolas is the only cosmic player who not only has the power, but also the sheer balls to do something like that.

And I should have remembered Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence (at least the first time). Takrados fucking up the filing could have been behind it all.

>>37084303
...
<Fires of Barathru'um>
<Flame Desecration>

>>37084308
You're next unless you cut that shit out RIGHT fucking now.
>>
>>37084308
wait a bribe maybe you have done something wrong
>>
>>37084308
Okay, I'm done with this. The papers have been signed. It's the Math Dungeon for you. And no chalk.
>>
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>>37084331
>Ask if he really thinks that "the idea that sexual maturity being measured by age" is silly
>"IM NOT A PEDOPHILE OKAY"
>>
>>37084331
and besides the bad memory things not even true i have an incredibly good memory its just a few things i have a shit memory for
>>
>>37084351
Sam, please, calm down.
>>
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>>37084319
kek
>>
Reporting for duty. What is going on today?
>>37084344
>>37084335
>>37084319
>>37084308
>>37084274
I am at a loss for words.
>>
>>37084344
i told you there not dead just scattered through the planes only the ones in the lower and inner planes will be dead

still he canot possibly have gathered them up that quickly
>>
>>37084351
Is it malicious if it is willing incompetence?
>>37084383
You, in this case, are the Green Lantern.
>>37084384
We're tenderizing Takarados before I send him off to the Council for inerplanar crimes.
>>
>>37084361
100 year old drow
pedophile
>>37084351
The apprentice should not be that confident about her power, better go back to studying!
>>
>>37084384
I have absolutely nothing to do with the accounting department's colossal fuckup. You already knew I was paving the way to allow your daughter's former home to advance socially and economically. I am no longer being worshiped as a god.
>>
>>37084383
Ugh! Ok, ok, this was no good. Ethan the Mad's Persistent Reverse Gravity!
that The Flash face
>>
>>37084361
and yes i do think that that idea is silly but you know what if anything i have a fetish for older woman besides the sort of logic your using is like saying that because my character is bisexual im bisexual which i am not
>>
Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>37084383
>Illusory pain
Just go quietly.
>>
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>>37084335
I managed to get one of those monsters I made back when my morals were failing, it made for an excellent demonstration during my class. And as a bonus, the apprentices managed to kill it before it killed any of them. I'm actually writing letters of recommendation to hand to their regular instructor once he gets back.
>>37084384
Hello Fryia, how has the Witchcraft Faculty been doing since you became the head again?
>>
>>37084438
They can't even find the classroom with mine.
>>
>>37084401
>>37084407 >>37084415
I should have stayed in bed rather than coming here.
>>37084438
Flawlessly. What did you expect. But I have to commend your efforts, no massive fuck ups happened during your management.
>>
>>37084407
Hey, don't blame my department for something an incompetent assistant did. We're fixing the budget problem as we speak.
>>
>>37084384
Morning Fryia.

Illya found out what lesbians are.
>>
>>37084466
Did you tell her? I'm so proud of you taking your responsibilities!
>>
>>37084427
>and yes i do think that that idea is silly
Enjoy your roleplay with a pedophile, /tg/
>>
>>37084459
It's all under control, and I'll have the drow signing peace treaties within a few months. See? I caused a civilization to advance.
>>
>>37084478
nope we left it to books and incompetence

then i got accused of being a pedophile
>>
>>37084478
>>37084466

>snickering
Oh this'll be good.
>>37084415
Kick him in the jimmy!
>>
>>37084481
I don't enjoy his presence that much either, but please no raising OOC conflicts.
>>
>>37084483
congratulations conspierre thats excelent
>>
>>37084478
Actually she tried to make Cromina to do it, in the end our librarian gave Illya a book on the subject. It seems to have been very thorough on the subject.
>>
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>>37084382
This IS calm. Or at least as calm as I'm going to get with all the stress I've had to deal with - and the day's not even half over.

>>37084404
Confidence is a lot easier to come by when you have a giant magical battery strapped to you.

>>37084459
Good Morning. Yeah, staying in bed would have been better, wish I'd done that.
>>
>>37084481
i think you will find most of /tg/ is smart enough to realise none of what society measures by age should be measured by age
>>
>>37084483
No one could doubt about you being absolutely well intentioned, right Pierre?
>>37084509
>>37084485
...
Someone please explain quickly are everyone of you is going to be cursed with something horrible.
>>37084501 >>37084499
Especially you two!
>>
>>37084461
When they will be fixed? We need new scriptorium constructs to publish more books.
The "Magical Realm" is selling in billions copies and we need new one bestseller
>>
>>37084499
Goldwin the Frankly Embarassing's Aimed Firestrike!
>>37084529
I think you creep me out.
>>
>>37084499
Pierre, good to see you! We need a man of your talents to help requisition the funds for our coffers after Takarados wasted them.
>>37084530
It is nothing to worry about, Fryia.
>>
>>37084530
here ("The brief history of lunar years last meeting of the Mages Guild , by Manus Deleos")
>>
>>37084530
>Replying to spoilered/OOC posts on IC
Donut do that.
>>
>>37084530
I took a blood oath! You know perfectly well they were sending assassins, I decided to deal with the root of the problem instead of continually treating symptoms of a societal disease! As for the chosen one thing, she was born a princess, as far as I'm concerned she hasn't done anything worthy of being stripped of that rank, even if she hasn't grown into it yet, so I simply preserved her influence for her, should she ever return. As for the talk, I arrived a few minutes after that debacle.
>>
>>37084513
Careful, or your hair will change color.
>>
>>37084530
Ehr, about that- don't kill me please please pretty pretty please.
>>
>>37084530
well for some reason she asked what lesbians are i said it was a woman who was sexualy attracted to other females without being attracted to males somebody brought up that silly beepeople and bearpeople metaphor and somebody else gave her a book.

then when she looked uncomfortable we theorised that maybe she did not even know what sex was so i said it was a wonderfull thing and at the time thinking she was just a child said she would enjoy it oneday and one of the lawmagi thought i was coming on to her
>>
>>37084567
By my talents do you mean someone who runs a profitable business on the side? Just tell me how much we need.
>>
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>>37084437
The lawsuits have been cleared, the crisis is averted. Due to the pre-emptive budget cuts our coffers are now overflowing, just look inside our Vault! Wait, I could have sword that they should be overflowing with gold. Where is the gold polisher? >>37083027 Where is the gold? WHERE ARE OUR COINS?
>>
>>37084597
God fucking daMIT.
>>
>>37084549
I'm head of Bureaumancy. The only timeframe we work with is 'late'.
>>
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>>37084452
My problem is that when everyone had got there the classroom walls was filled with the doors they had made to get there.
>>37084459
I thought so, but I figured I had to ask.
>>37084530
I would like to point out I was not involved in this incident in any way, shape, form or time.
>>
>>37084577
>>37084570
>>37084567
>>37084580
>>37084592
What should I do to you all? I was thinking about boiling your blood and then freezing you into icy coffins, to be scattered through. Any suggestion?
>>
>>37084597
You're not fooling anyone, Takarados.
>Celestial Detainment
>>37084594
Quite a bit, to say the least...
>>
>>37084623
*yawns*
how about a good sandwich?
>>
>>37084623
uhm please dont kill us fryia we did not realise the damage we would cause
>>
>>37084616
Yeah, well finding the classroom is the final exam. The uncreative ones just tried doors in the hall at random. The creative ones kept setting off traps and are still in the infirmary.
>>37084625
Numbers.
>>37084623
Remember that time I got eaten over a hundred times saving you from possession? Or that time I stopped any and all assassination attempts on your daughter?
>>
>>37084597
You're trying my patience, Takarados.
>Greater Lawsuit of Binding
>>
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>>37084623
I can probably help with the blood boiling if you want. Or I could just make things very painful for them - they won't learn their lesson if you kill them!
>>
>>37084645
And as such? This is hardly a justification.
>>37084652
Fair enough Pierre, you are free to leave unharmed.
>>37084661
Thank you sam, I'm starting to appreciate some aspects of your personality.
>>
>>37084652
indeed fryia you do owe him

and uhm im going to go hide behind garl glittergold for a while because i have no such favour to protect myself with
>>
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>>37084656
Illegal action, unless the spell is signed by head of accounting Verilex, the spell fizzles.
>>
>>37084623
>>37084661
Fryia, Sam, please calm down. I'm suppose to be the hothead here.
>>
>>37084673
Oh goodie.
>>37084661
Just in case you get any ideas in the future, my revenge would be creative and humiliating. Especially considering I took a blood oath to protect you from harm.
>>
>>37084683
im pretty sure it does not work like that doshinus

*magic missile
>>
>>37084623
As long as I have my chastity, there's nothing I need fear from you.
Besides, I have only been helping solve this guild's problems, I hardly see why that warrants punishment.
>>37084652
Talk to Tedias if you want exact numbers.
>>
>>37084703
Very well.
>>37084656
Hey, you got a second? How much money do we need exactly?
>>
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>>37084702
Its Bureaumancy, even when it works it takes months after signing the proper forms.
>>
>>37084656
>>37084683
Actually, since the ruling of 25, if more than one Head of Accounting is in charge all others may sign papers in the names of the other Heads of Accounting if needed. Its so they can get things done.
>>
>>37084703
Fine then, I'll have to blame it on someone else, let's see...
Cromia? Come here a sec, want you?
>>37084727
Enough of this! I am trying to punish people!
>power word Stun
>>
>>37084683
Verilex. Does. Not. Exist.
>Quickened Admission Form of Existence
>Greater Form Disbandment

That should take care of that.
>>
>>37084727
sure but thats not nesercary for these spells

*melfs acid arrow
>>
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>>37084673
Much appreciated, Fryia. Glad to can see eye-to-eye on things.

>>37084696
Duly noted. If you'd be so kind as to take a couple steps outside of my firing lane?

>>37084727
<Hellflame Burst>
>>
>>37084737
She hasn't done anything! You can't preach about lack of morality here and then try and curse everyone. You and Noel should have talked with Ilya, instead of pawning that responsibility off on Cromina. You can hardly blame her for being worried about being a good godmother and then panicking. Or did you have some kind of vision of this happening and not being painfully awkward for everyone involved. As for the current financial ruin most of us are facing, that is the fault of one individual alone.
>>
>>37084737
Gottagosorry! Byeguyshaveamerrynewyear!
>>
>>37084727
>Aura of Silence
>>37084737
Wait... what are you planning?
>>
>>37084727
i prepared a lot of magic missiles this morning

*quickened empowered magic missile
*empowered magic missile
>>
>>37082429

Oi, that's it, I'm resigning and moving to the Sorcerer's Guild. At least they'll have more then ten books!
>>
>>37084787
>Aura of Concealment
I've got you on this one.
>>
>>37084771
That's it? That's it! You are so full of...
I mean. Did I tell you about this outbursts of rage I keep having lately? You are right, of course, I should have dealt with the matter days ago. No use in scaring of Cromia.
>>37084787
>>37084794
Well, too late. Nothing, I' not planning anything Niamal.
>>
>>37084802
But there is no sorcerer's guild...
>>37084819
I know a good psychiamancer that may be able to help with your anger.
>>
>>37084819
You need to see someone about those. I can't tell if they're from a death curse or if they're a result of what you've been through.
>>
This new generation is so quick to anger and do not appreciate older people
>>37084802
YOU WHAT? TEN BOOKS?! I WILL PUT YOU IN THE MOST HORRIFYING PART OF LIBRARY AND IF YOU WILL FIND THE WAY OUT I WONT SHOWEL UP ALL THE BOOKS FROM SORCERER GUILD IN YOUR ASS
>>
hm i guess we wont be having any overtime after all oh well i get to see my family even sooner then i thought
>>
>>37084874
still shame that fighters guild guy did not show up i still have his chain here
>>
Suppose this is a bad time to ask what's everyone's new years resolution?
>>
>>37084910
to spend more time with my family and thankfully it seems i will be able to do that
>>
>>37084910
Let's see. I promise to be a better mother and to get rid of this raging fits. And obviously I promise to create a whole race of those fluffy winged critters I made for Illy, she finds them to be so cute.
>>
>>37084910
Find and eat the perfect danish pastry.
>>
>>37084931
"Fluffy winged critters"?
>>
>>37084910
More books with golden cover of course!
>>
>>37084926
oh and to add more new members to my family both children and husbands and wives i have not gotten a new husband or a new wife in ages
>>
>>37084910
Uhm, ehr... I solemnly promise, I will catch soros with his fiancee!
>>
>>37084910
The same as every year, to remain chaste throughout my trials and to find and slay the Night-clad.
I have succeeded in the first one, at least.
>>
>>37084941
Later, sweetie, later.
>>
>>37084979
hey niamal wanna screw
>>
>>37084931
>curiosity intensifies
>>
>>37085009
i also would like to know more about these winged critters
>>
>>37084996
Please leave, I find you distasteful.
>>
>>37085009
>>37085019
Forget it already!
>>37085028
I second your motion.
>>
>>37084996
Okay that was the straw.
I refuse to play any thread with this shitter on it.
>>
>>37085050
Tuypo is awful, but that doesn't damn the rest of the thread that is forced to cohabit.
>>
>>37084961
oh and i want to try and come across as less creppy.
>>
>>37085050
I'm just ignoring everything from him at this point. No point letting him ruin the fun.
>>
>>37084935
What a Dane?
Anyway, as for myself, I intend to be a better role model for my apprentice, students, and daughter.
And also be more tolerant towards others' fashion sense.
Which means giving up flash disintegrating tomboys' jeans and such.
A hard sacrifice, as you might imagine.
>>
>>37085073
I don't see people making much effort to ignore him, but oh well, fair point.
>>
>>37085083
Really? You're giving that up? That's a shame, I had a great april fool's plan.
>>
>>37085128
Once upon a time I was polimorphed into an hat and donned by a dear friend of mine at the MMU meeting. Then when Alina approached this lass, who was known to be an hell of a paranoid, and convinced her to relax for the first time in her life, she triggered a dispel effect and I jumped off her head and onto the lass, a dagger in each hand. Man that was a fun April Fool if I even saw one.
>>
>>37085169
My plan was a lot more simple. I was working on a new spell I like to call, "Curse of Pants."
>>
>>37085074
eh im off to go work on being less creppy maybe i should just avoid all sexual matters untill i work this out
>>
>>37085181
This oughta be funny as nine hells.
>>
>>37085181
>>37085169
I don't do a lot of pranking, unless you count myself being the frequent butt of pranks. Knowing this place, I may need my Belt of Arcane Chastity more than ever around April.
>>
>>37085201
Oh come on, they never go THAT far.
On April Fool's Day anyway.
>>
>>37085201
What? No, it shouldn't go that far.
>>
>>37085244
>>37085218
I won't be taking any chances, I'll say that much.
>>
>>37085128
April Fool's Day is the exception, you're SUPPOSE to humiliate and embarrass your students then.
>>37085254
That, I won't blame you.
>>
>>37085288
Oh good. This will be fun then.
>>
>>37085288
Like we don't do that erryday all day long.
>>
>>37085306
I don't.
Typically.
>>
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Hello there, I have been sitting in the dungeon for almost 3 centuries and was wondering when someone would give me an assignment.
>>
>>37084910
I hope to that at least five of the apprentices I teach manage to survive the year. But that might be a bit to optimistic.
>>
>>37085354
Fooling me, ye are not.
>>
>>37085364
Oh you poor dear, come with me and I'll make sure you're properly assigned to a task!
>>
>>37085364
Put pants on Noel.
>>
>>37085385
Thank you

>>37085389
I do not understand assignment: Put Pants on Noel.
>>
>>37085389
No.
No.
NO.
>>
>>37085403
Sudo: Make Noel wear pants.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>37085411
Sorry Noel, April fools has to come early if you're getting over your hatred for pants. I CURSE YE WITH PANTS!
>>
>>37085376
That's not your fault Res, it kinda happens. As long as the number of surviving students exceeds or matches that of the dying ones, it is all fine.
>>37085413
>>37085411
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah oh yes yes yes! MERRY NEW YEAR NOEL!
>>
>>37085413
I am not constructed for dressing organic beings.
>>
>>37085435
MY SIDES PIERRE, GO FETCH 'EM
dat nat 1
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>37085435
>The pants appear on Pierre instead.
.....Give me a moment. PAAAAANTS
>>37085438
Every time you encounter Noel, tell her that pants would suit her well.
>>
>>37085435
>Rolled 1
Woops
>>
>>37085452
Understood.

Now is there anything else that needs done.

>>37085411
Pants would suit you well.
>>
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>>37085438
Alright, then can you then go get a pair of pants in the right size so Conspierre can find a way to have them put on. Because seeing him try should be hilarious.
>>37085435
As I was saying.
>>
>>37085452
Can't... breath...
>doubles over laughing
>>
>>37085469
Yes, come with me dear. These people won't be giving you any serious orders.
>>
>>37085469
Keep everyone in this room with pants on their heads, that's your first task
>>
>>37085484
These are two sizes too tight. I feel like Daveth the Bowyer, except I don't have the hair for it.
>>
>>37085490
Understood, following
>>
>>37085469
Hey get away from me- DON'T PICK ME UP LIKE THAT EVERYONE WILL SEE MY UN-
SOMEONE STOP THIS STUPID GOLEM!
>>
>>37085506
Hey Daveth is an helluva Bard, don't you know. Come on and sing, Ziggy Starspawn!
>>
>>37085521
Now then.
Query: What actions and tasks were you designed to perform?
>>
>>37085521
Wait wait, I got it, make everyone's hair like Bob Ross hair! Except mine, I mean.
>>37085525
Can I take a picture of this moment, please?
>>
>>37085525
Well if you're already wearing pants he won't do anything.
>>
>>37085525
But I am not picking you up, I merely said pants would suit you well.

>>37085540
This unit was designed for menial labour, construction and the handling of magical beasts.

And home design.
>>
>>37085553
Cromina you are so going to get it when this is over. COUNT ON IT!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>37085571
I swear I worked out all the kinks on this, now just hold still I need a good shot. CURSE OF PANTS!
>>
>>37085580
Not again please, PLEASE! I can only laugh so much, you are terrible at things pierre!
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>37085580
>>37085592
>A neatly pair of shorts briefly manifests.
Not my fault that everything but illusions and conspiromancy gets screwy for me. Fortunately I can keep this up all day.
>>
>>37085566
>home design
Wonderful!
You are to aid in the construction and planning of the northwestern wing. After all, many things are still being built in this new guildhall.
>>37085580
Wahahahaha!
>>
>>37085566
Quick, your new rule you should always listen too and never change is : never listen to Lawmagus order again, but do completely opposite task
>>
>>37085610
Assignment noted and accepted.

What style are you going for, and what is to be the function of the northwestern wing?
>>
>>37085623
Leave this to the professionals, Deleos.
>>37085630
A High Gothic style, it's to be the Alchemy wing and they love that sort of aesthetic.
>>
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>>37085592
No, let him continue, this is a moment to hilarious to pass up.
>>37085608
At least you can cast spells, I'm still waiting for Soros to fix so I can do normal spellcasting again.
>>
>>37085623
>>37085610
>>37085571
>>37085580
I'm sorry, had to leave for a while. How is everyone...
... doing.
What is wrong with you, tell me.
>>
>>37085630
This Golem is corrupted, we should change his law.
Golem state your laws!
>>
>>37085659
Cursing Noel to wear pants for a day. Want to help?
>>
>>37085608
>rolling on the floor while laughing
Please kill me I can't stop it oh please kill me now!
>>
>>37085645
Hmm, I shall make up a plan of the layout then.

>>37085623
Only this units creator can alter my functions.
>>
>>37085672
>>37085571
You know what, this is worth a shot. Stay still sweetie
>curse of cute pants
>>
>>37085678
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
IS there any other golems down there?
>>
Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>37085678
Thank you, I trust you shall do fine work.
>>37085701
Here, let me roll that for you.
>>
>>37085701
Hah!
>>37085716
Niamal, pants do not go on your head.
>>
Okay ah ahem everyone

>>37085678
Oh boy a unit that can do only Menial Labour, Construction, and home design.
Handling magical beasts is a plus.
Who's this guy master anyways?

>>37085714
Can't you, huh, just get or make anoter one right now?
>>
Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>37085716
Well thanks. Good shot you got there.
>>37085701

why am I bad at those things things
>>
>>37085701
FRYIA!
>>
>>37085669
Law 1. This unit must assist all members of the mages guild where possible.

Law 2. This unit is to only allow it's creator to change it's laws.

Law 3.This unit must not bring harm to members of the Mage's Guild

Law 4. This unit must detain any and all clowns or mimes detected on Mage's Guild Property.

>>37085714
There is a unit down there that requires programming and activation.
>>
>>37085716
>>37085736
>slowly turns red from too much laughing
>>
Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>37085736
Hrrrrgh....focus.....focus......FOCUSSSSSS! CURSE OF WELL FITTED DENIM JEANS!
>>
>>37085737
Neat
(Slowly walks to the room were second golem is)
>>
Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>37085730
>>37085736
Uhm, that's not cute at all, but at least they are pants.
>>37085757
Let me see if I can do better.
>greater eightened maximized cursre of cute pants
>>
>>37085728
I am its master. Why do you ask?
>>37085727
Shit, my pants! Fryiaaaaa!
>>
>>37085746
>picks Cromina up and tries to take off her armour.

Ma'am, it appears that you are having trouble breathing, it would be wise to remove armour to allow for proper respiratory action.
>>
>>37085765
Hold it, Librarian. I'm going with you to make sure we don't have any more pants-related incidents, hm?
>>
Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>37085782
That's totally your fault
>>37085778
>>37085736
Come on, I can do better than this. Here we go!
>Quickened maximized bouncing eightened greater curse of abnormally cute pants!
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>37085778
Did they lose the mana generators when the budget died? Shit, she's running! After her! In the name of shenanigans!
>>
>>37085797
Pants..of course no , second golem just needs better laws
>>
>>37085807
Got her!
>>37085803
I.....pfffhahahahahaha. Oh it is so good to know that it doesn't only happen to me.
>>
>>37085803
... well. Sorry guys.
I mean, I should have not put the Bouncing metamagic in it.
So.
Let's face it, we are all stark naked but this is not that bad after all.
>>
>>37085795
jeez and they say im creppy
>>
Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>37085826
You aren't their creator, you won't be changing their laws.
>>37085803
You can't blame me for that one, Fryia. Alright, this has gone on long enough.
>Mass Robing
>>
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>>37085807
>>37085828
I'll get her! QB away!
>>
>>37085803
OH NO NO NO NO AHAHAHAHAH
>>37085829
>clothes disappear
>>37085795
Ahhahahaha... eh, it seems it is no longer necessary! AHAHAHAHAH
>>
>>37085829
Well, I only had an illusion of robes on in the first place because I know some people like to keep rings of trueseeing on and I like to discourage that. And Noel's got pants on.
>>
>>37085833
I am attempting to help the female with what appears to be respiratory problems.

>>37085857
Very well.

>Put's Cromina down
>>
>>37085841
Thanks, at least someone got it right.
Ok guys. Gather round please and promise there will be no more crit failing. Understood?
seriously what is with those natural ones
>>
>>37085841
The mastery of law golem law programing lies in being not the men who is creator, but the one who golem thinks is creator
>>
Aaaand I'm terribly late.
What's going on today then?
>>
>>37085886
I have no idea what you're talking about
Okay lets try...

>Red tries to Zap a Wand of Nothing!
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>37085886
Not this time.
>>37085736
Prepare yourself!
>>
Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>37085903
Impreeeeessive...
>>37085870
Eh, not yer fault Big Guy... eheheh. Aw men.
>>37085886
who knows, it is funny nonetheless
>>
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>>37085893
Well we had a problem with the budget for a while, but now we are just going through the usual wizard shenanigans.
>>
>>37085870
fair enough i guess im just fustrated that you can take somebodys armor off to help them and im not allowed to offer somebody a hug
>>
Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 = 20 (20d1)

>>37085898
Fuck
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>37085841
robing is one thing, where is my fancy cone
>rolling for top hats for everyone
>>
>>37085891
Which is why I am coming to prevent that.
>>37085893
Golems, pants, Bolas, and bureaucracy. The usual.
>>
>>37085919
...These are fedoras, Manus. Get good at Evocation.
>>
>>37085914
I am a sexless stone construction that is designed to aid people.

You are you.
>>
Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>37085912
.....
>>37085913
Come here Quin, I need a battery
>>
>>37085913
So everyone is trying to disintegrate everyone's pants then? Sounds about right.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>37085898
>>37085917
I fucking hate this dice system and the next time im prompted to use it i'll just use a screenshot of a dice rolling website or something for fuck sakes
>>
Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>37085938
Not today!
>>
>>37085939
No, we're trying to curse Noel to wear pants for a day. Or a week.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>37085935
*tips fedora*
Okay, not the one I need, lets try again
>rolling for 5000 hats
>>
>>37085937
i am me you are you were 1 big happy family
>>
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>>37085938
Alright, you may cast when ready.
>>
>>37085935
M'lady.
>>37085955
You could always just try asking nicely.
>>
Rolled 17, 10 = 27 (2d20)

>>37085952
Hah! You're almost as bad at this as I am! I CURSE YOU WITH CONSERVATIVE NIGHTWEAR!

HOLD STILL NOEL, YOU SHALL BE CLAD IN PANTS BY DAY'S END!
>>
>>37085965
oh god thats not going to happen she hates pants
>>
>>37085960
I am no relative of your's sir, I think you may have something wrong with your knowledge of what familial units are.
>>
>>37085976
oh sorry modern material plane song you would not know it

we are a metaphorical family
>>
Rolled 14, 2, 6, 8, 1, 16, 3, 6, 1, 10 = 67 (10d20)

>>37085963
PLAGUE OF PANTS! IT SHALL HIT US ALL, BUT IT HAS TO AFFECT NOEL!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>37085955
And failing miserably, if I am allowed to speak.
But now I got the components right for my newest creation. Tremble before my magical might as I cast...
>Fryia's greater curse of 70's-fashioned leather trench coats
>>
Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>37085955
Oh that sounds like fun, let me try.
Stand still Noel.
>>
>>37085976
OOC: I smell that you're new.
Seriously, SERIOUSLY don't reply to Tuypo. He has some sort of space autism that makes him unable to write correctly and its a pain to everyone
>>
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>37085993
She really does not want to wear pants. We'll get her eventually. HOLD STILL NOEL, WE'RE TEACHING ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS TODAY!
>>
Oh yes, I forgot, I have this instructional booklet left by my maker for anyone that wishes to use me.
>>
>>37085988
You just HAD to go and hit me with a nat1!
Excuse me, I'm going to go find some pants... and a shirt... and a bra.
>>
>>37085972
Hey no fair! Is this a war? YOU'VE GOT YER WAR!
*trasmutation: hair to banana hairstyle!
>>
>>37086015
It was for the greater good. Breezy in here, isn't it?
>>
>>37085988
im already wearing pants anyway

im not helping you put pants on noel though i think she is already a little angry at me right now
>>
>>37086015
May I help you in your quest of finding your clothes?
>>
>>37086012
Dat 20
>>
>>37086014
oh that sounds usefull pass it here please
>>
>>37086014
Thank you, I'll keep this in a safe place.
>>37086012
Well, looks like she's finally been pants'd.
>>37086037
That couldn't possibly sound more disturbing, Manus.
>>37086027
Quiet.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>37086012
HAH! LOOK AT HER! LOOK AT THOSE PANTS!
>>37086026
IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN MANAGE? WEAR YOUR HAIR IN A BUN THEN!
>>
>>37086050
Chapter 5 has details on undoing and adding new laws.

It is a lengthy process
>>
>>37086012
>>37086054
Good shot pierre, those are some fancy pants.
>>
>>37086058
quick pass me the booklet !
>>
I knew I should've called in sick today and just got rip roaring drunk.
>>
>>37086054
Calm down Pierre! Successful rolls like these and soon you'll be a fashiomancer!
>>
>>37086061
indeed they are in fact there so fancy i might go get a pair made myself to wear
>>
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>>37086012
Finally, that sure took a while.
>>37086054
Oh wow.
>>
>>37086054
OH GAWDS MY HAIR
SICK PERV!
how did you git gud all at once?
>>
>>37086070
Hey, those pants look nice on you!
>>37086069
It ain't happening, Manus.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>37086070
Oh please, its not like they look bad on you.
>>37086061
Took long enough. She sure knows how to dodge.
>>37086072
Hmmmm........BE CLOTHED!
>>
>>37086070
Face it, sweetie,you are hot as hell in those nicely fitting pants.
>>
>>37086012
>>37086054
I can feel the Prankmancering form here
Its making people uneasy, everyone.Its not even April Fools.
>>
>>37086096
Oh, well... thanks. This pattern clashes really bad with the navy blue pants, though.
>>
>>37086089
HAH! ENJOY THE MOST CONSERVATIVE HAIRSTYLE KNOWN TO WOMAN!
Quin is best mana battery.
>>37086088
Thank you for your help Quin.
>>
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>>37086096
That's enough using me as a battery, you made Noel wear pants, good job, but I'm not sure how I will feel after you have used my energy to redress the entire guild.
>>
>>37086105
Just.
I.
At least Sam isn't here to see this.
>>
>>37086090
You can't make the golem yours! He is free
>>
I am confused as to the fabrics that seem to have materialized upon me.

I am not designed to wear any variety of garment.
>>
>>37086125
Hey, maybe it will drain you enough to turn you back.

>>37086141
You are now.
>>
Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>37086141
Oh well, I will help you
>Unclothing spell
>>
>>37086131
It is made to serve. I simply make sure it serves sensible people.
>>37086141
Let me help you out of those clothes, dear.
>>
>>37086113
Eh, can't get everything right. At least you're wearing something.
>>37086125
Fine, fine, of course. You are now my favorite marshmallow cat though.
>>37086130
You know she's going to see it later.
>>
>>37086125
Fuzzy.
>>37086130
Hope no one did take a bewitched portrait.
>>
>>37086159
Yeah. I know she will.


What is this anyway, denim?
>>
>>37086149
I would ask that they are removed before they are to-

>Ripping sound

rn, as I stated this unit is made of rock and is 10 foot tall, I am not designed for garments intended for smaller beings.
>>
>>37086149
I rather not test that theory... for a number of reasons.
>>37086159
Wasn't I always?
>>
>>37086171
Of the highest quality. It was either that or yoga pants, I left it up to fate.
>>
>>37086182
You chose... Poorly

>>37086178
Hey, experiments are fun for a reason, give it a whirl.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>37086175
You still need the magic cone on your head
>rolling for 5000 magic cones for golem
>>
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>37086096
Not done yet! I cast the torment of the Abyss, pain surging from Carceri, heart of the Acheron, wrath of unholy powers! I call to the ancient dead and the newly slaughtered, sword and rock, stone and steel! Blood flows, blood sings, blood washes away everything until only blood remains! Mass Curse of natural twin ponytails!
>>
>>37086178
I can not lie. You are the cuddliest and most adorable marshmallow kitty to ever walk these halls.
>>37086194
Eh. I can live with it.
>>
>>37086182
Yoga would have been better.
>>37086199
... I hate ponytails! Cromia!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>37086199
Is that it? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN MUSTER?!?! MORMON MAGIC UNDERWEAR UPON YE!
>>
>>37086226
AH. You failed! What is now of your so called magical prowess, pierre? enjoy your stylish ponytales foreeeeeeveeeeer! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
>>
Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>37086226
You need to make it bigger
Shower of used underwear for everyone!
>>
>>37086226
This feels like an insult to my Belt of Arcane Chastity. But at least it failed.
>>
>>37086250
Well, you managed to hit my dirty laundry hamper, so... 5/10 I guess.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>37086244
Oh, I'm not out of the game yet. I CURSE YOU WITH UNSIGHTLY GRANDMA SHOES! NO MORE SEXY HEELS FOR YOU!
>>
>>37086199
I do not understand what these things sprouting from my head are.
>>
>>37086263
This is getting out of hand! Do I need to cast Greater Silence or what?
>>
>>37086279
it is hair arranged in a certain way and it is wonderful
>>
>>37086250
>>37086244
>>37086226
>>37086254
Fellow spellcasters. We need to get an hold on ourselves. We are flinging evoked underwear at each other, this is not the proper way to behave...
>>37086263
... ok, I chuckled.
>>
File: qb16.jpg (77 KB, 450x410)
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>>37086194
Believe me, I am the king of dangerous self experimentation, how did you think I ended up looking like this in the first place. But even I realise completely draining myself of magical energy on the off chance that it MIGHT turn me back is a bad idea.
>>37086199
I don't think that did anything to me, must be the ears.
>>37086211
It's one of the perks of this mishap of a transformation.
>>
>>37086199
Oh what the hell?! Now I look like that smartmouth girl in the red shirt, except with blonde hair!
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>37086263
It's cool that you "can" do that, but I honestly prefered it before.

>casts the thing
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>37086294
All underwear is now sentinel and flying, what now?
>>
>>37086294
Yes, please, control your urges to abuse your magics to embarrass me.
>>
>>37086312
"MMFPHH!! MMFSHSH!! MMMPPHH!!!
Translation: Argh! It backfired!
*grabs scalpel*
"Oh, gods. That sucked."
>>
>>37086293
I request you remove it, it will effect my efficiency.
>>
File: ld29_silence2.jpg (27 KB, 325x238)
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Rolled 5 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>37086263
My braid! Noooo!
>>37086312
You call that a Silence spell?
>>
>>37086330
oh very well come here i have some scissors in here
>>
Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>37086342
showel up her mouth with giant buritto of spicy magical doom tomatoes
>>
>>37086342
>>
Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>37086263
AHAH! getting creative, Pierre? Be ready to behold the power of spontaneous casters! I cast the spell to end them all! ANTI-DRESSING CIRCLE!
Should this thing get trough no physical dress wll be able to stand more than a second in this all! I GOT YOU PIERRE!
>>
>walks into the hall, opens his mouth to say something and then slowly walks back out as he sees the chaos happening inside
>>
>>37086359
!!!
>>
I have spent too long not completing my assignment,I shall now go and construct the plans for the northwestern wing.

Goodbye for now mages.
>>
>>37086365
>>37086319
Outstanding. Would you please restrain yourself from wasting your spell slots now? Cromia, get an hold on yourself, and Deleos, was is a "sentinel" underwear to begin with?
>>
>>37086357
there all gone
>>
Rolled 3, 18 = 21 (2d20)

>>37086359
I think it failed, lets try again with bigger one!
>>37086388
ND ONE FOR HER!
>>
>>37086385
*thumbs up*
>>37086400
...
>>
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>37086365
Oh dear, it seems a little weak. What if I were to perhaps say.....CAST ARCANE INVERSAL UPON IT?
>>
>>37086376
noooo come back
>>
>>37086376
Wait! I'm coming with you...
>>
>>37086388
OH, that underwear that flies around us? They will be able to think, but not for long
>>
>>37086400
>ND
please tell me it is a "no" you fumbled and you are not evoking ND.
>>
>>37086408
!
>>
>>37086385
bye ancient golem im sure you will come up with excellent plans
>>
>>37086415
thats sentient
>>
>>37086408
>Stands naked into the hall
And then what pierre? Since when were you under the impression I could care less about things like this?
>strikes a pose
>>
>>37086416
of course that was "and", I am generous
Why Lawmagus is so silent?
>>
>>37086423
Yes, it worked! Now all within that circle will be dressed more conservatively! SUCK IT CROMINA!
>>
>>37086416
i quite like the man myself
>>
>>37086453
Of course you do.
>>
>>37086444
That's not how that works Cromina, here let me drop the illusion. See? Reverses the effects of the spell, not the target.
>>
>>37086445
>>37086342

>>37086449
:D
>>
>>37086449
This, this, this is horrible. You are a monster Pierre, a monster.
>>37086453
you don't say
>>
>>37086482
>>37086449
When is time to say "now kif"?
>>
Rolled 4 (1d20)

Are we done?
>antimagic field
>>
>>37086482
Aren't I? Could you strike a pose? Need to send some pictures to the bickering grandma's guild down the road so they can send you some fan mail about how proper and prim you are.
>>
>>37086497
I guess not?

>>37086449
Hah! It will have no effect on me!
>>
>>37086497
your antimagic field is blocked by my awesome five thousands inverted top hats of pocket dimension on my head
>>
>>37086497
Yes, yes fine fine. I think we're in the gloating and moping phase of things at this point anyways.
>>37086524
I only really cared about hitting one person with it anyways.
>>
>>37086497
:I
>>
>>37086497
Like hell we are!
>>37086505
You- YOU! PIECE OF CHAOTIC SCUM!
>Warlock's Ardengat the Slightly Oblivious' Wave of Classy Top Hats!
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>37086479
It's not so loud without Lawmagus
>casting antimagic on lawmagus using my awesome top hat
>>
Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>37086547
forgot to roll. My brain a mess.
>>
I wonder, what will Antruthius say about all of this?
>>
>>37086547
Oh look, enough classy top hats to outfit my entire army of clones in formal attire, WHATEVER SHALL I DO? Face it Cromina, you've lost here.
>>37086545
Oh, you poor dear. The fleshwarpers should be able to fix your mouth. I don't think you want me cutting it open, it doesn't look like the muscles for the lips are still there.
>>
>>37086564
A tophat? I LOVE IT!

>>37086587
I can fix it for him, I just need him to hold still.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>37086587
No! No! NEVER!
Vassilij the Bearably Unstable's Top Hat Cannon!
>>
>>37086585
Probably tell us to stop playing dress up and get back to work even though it's a holiday.
>>37086564
Oh look, while you were casting I got the picture. Off to visit the old ladies!
>>
>>37086557
Gah, hah- thanks, Head Librarian. Though a silence spell does good to teach one brevity.
>>37086599
>>37086587
No! No, there will be no need for that!
>>
>>37086614
What I don't gget is, why did everyone of you studied this kind of spells? What could you possibly think you would do with those?
>>
>>37086647
Never underestimate the nonsensibility of the common mage.
>>
>>37086630
*tips the mountain of five thousands hats*
>>
>>37086647
When you live long enough, you have more time than you frankly need. The answer is silly spells.
Also magic college.
>>
>>37086647
I've been preparing for April fool's day for a while now. When Noel resolved to be more tolerant of pants, I had to take swift action lest the pantsening happen at a later date when it wouldn't faze her.
>>37086630
I wasn't going to, I just said you don't want me to.
>>
>>37086647
A Lawmagus once said that you're Innocent-- until proven Guilty
There's no reason NOT to learn those spells, so cleary, every student should know at least 1 funny spell for April Fools.!
>>
I'm afraid I have to make my leave, have to get the cider and food for the celebrations.
Which will hopefully have less pants and twintails spells than today's meeting.
>>
>>37086647
Why not?
>>
>>37086611
>dodges
WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP
>>37086696
You're just jealous because I have the best ponytails. Enjoy your pants!
>>37086690
Just one? That's amateur stuff.
>>
File: qb17.jpg (31 KB, 387x376)
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>>37086547
I think something went wrong when that spell hit me, this is no top hat.
I'm unable to find a single image of QB in a top hat, internet I'm disapoint.
>>37086647
For pranking purposes of course, why else?
>>
>>37086716
Every other that it quoted was sued, so i'd rather not talk about them.
>>
>>37086696
Will see you at dinner, Noel.
>>37086729
What did happen to you?
>>37086714
>Why not?
... of course.
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>37086716
I don't- there must be something I can do!
Deregar the Mildly Bothered's Guided Hat of Shame!
>>
>>37086778
>hat pops in on Cromina's head
Ok, I surrender.
>>
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>>37086749
I'm... I'm not sure... but I'm liking the moustache.
>>
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. . .

Does...does anyone want to tell me why my entire wardrobe got turned to cotton? And ONLY the wardrobe, and not the clothes inside of it?

Oh btw, I found all the gold that was "stolen" - some idiot put it in several bags of holding and arranged them to spell "GULLIBLE" on the ceiling.

Crazy, right?
>>
>>37086647
Have you really forgotten who we are so quickly?
>>
>>37086812
Takarados' insolence knows no bounds. Also, it may just be me but your breasts seem to keep changing size.
>>37086794
At least this is over and done with.
>>
>>37086812
It was a work of gr8 wizard, who else would come up with such cunning plan
>>
>>37086812
You missed it, I made Noel wear pants.
>>37086794
Yeah that's right. Stew in it.
>>
>>37086812
This is... a bit long to explain. Where should I start from...
>>37086826
Look at this picture Sam. It has everything to do with what happened until now.
>>
>>37086863
Wait what? How was this not a harmless prank?
>>
>>37086812
Samantha, you have no idea what you just missed. It all started with Conspierre trying to make Noel wear pants.
>>
>>37086860
Geez, just let it slide, I'm still wearing those conservative clothes and the itch! Like hell!
>>37086860
>>37086812
Here, I took a bewitched picture of the moment.
>>
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>>37086839
It's just you. Well, I guess it's also how tightly my robe is cinched, but mostly it's you.

>>37086863
. . .
Yes. O-of course.
...How silly of me to think otherwise.
>>
Good Afternoon everyone. Did I miss something here? Why are you all dressed so ridiculously?
>>
>>37086911
I am the best at pranks. None can equal me.
Why is it that only the shenanigans rolls ever succeed?[/succeed]
>>
PAGE 10 BUMP LIMIT 686 REPLIES PANIC
>>
>>37086923
Overtime?
>>
>>37086937
Nah, things have wound down. Unless you really find it necessary.
>>
>>37086937
yes please.
>>
>>37086937
We're probably good. should I archive or is someone else on it?
>>
>>37086945
>>37086959
Decisions are hard
>>
>>37086937
more like overkill
>>
>>37086937
We are approaching the time when these threads normally happen so either that or a new thread in an hour or two.
>>
>>37086975
Go ahead, let's just let the rest of the thread play out
>>37086978
Yeah, no idea why there have been so many threads lately.
>>
>>37086975
archiving yet. If anyone can post the "best thread on tg" pic do it now because this thread is worth it. I laughed my ass off it
>>
'Ello, good sirs an' ma'ms. I've been makin' some arrangements wit' th' Figher Wizards Guild for allowing them to use some of our facilities.

Perhaps, considerin' our current financial situation, I could ask some of them t'teach once their next meetin' rolls aroun'. Or let 'em know that unless they apply for dual membership, we'd 'ave t'charge 'em.

Oh, and there was some fella there who wanted me t'put in some good word in 'opes that we could let 'im back in. Says 'e was accused of seducin' some Sorceress from before my time, when she used some mind alterin' magic t'seduce 'im. I believe 'is name was Dramorn. Big guy. Dragonborn wit' a metal arm.

Also, if we're still strapped for cash, I could offer my services t'the Thieves Guild again. You have no idea how great of an escape a good Glitterdust makes.

[spoilers]Also, I propose overtime[/spoilers]
>>
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>>
>>37086997
It's the holidays, people have more time to kill so more threads are made.
>>

>>37087024
True that.
>>37087008
You draw right? Commemorative portrait?
>>
archiving! All aboard the overtime train!
>>
considering the last 10 minutes took it from 600 to 700 posts, we probably should overtime
>>
>>37087053
You make a valid point. I'll start it.
>>
>>37087047
I draw, I've been meaning to make some Mage's Guild characters anyhow.
>>37087053
Fair enough.
>>
>>37087047
why not. next thread I'll post it, now I have far too many things in my hands.
>>
>>37087072
>>37087077
Woo! >>37087107



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