"President Baako, the representative of the Church of the Pristine Mother is here for your appointment," your secretary says over the intercom.Rule of the Republic of Abuike has not been as charmed as you might have expected when you took over in a coup d'etat. You had big dreams and big hopes, and so did your CIA backers, but all of yours have come to nothing (you don't know about theirs). The nation's finances have *still* been unable to pay for half the construction projects you initially set out to build six years ago when you first seized power. Communist guerillas continue to fight across the countryside, there are the occasional protests against your undemocratic rule, and all other kinds of chaotic elements keep trying to ruin things for you and the country.The "Church of the Pristine Mother" is a new cult - some mishmash of Buddhism, Christianity, and indigenous beliefs, by your estimation - but they have very deep coffers, probably due to their involvement in the international drug trade. Of course, no such involvement has ever been proven..."Send him in," you say."Her, sir," your secretary corrects, and a few seconds later, the representative is in the room."Hello, ma'am," you say, standing, offering your hand congenially. The woman takes it, shaking it for a moment. Her fingers are cold, which is odd, because this building's air conditioning only half-works at the best of the time."Hello, Mr. President," she says, before finding her seat. You sit as well. "As we are both aware, the finances of our fair nation are... in poor shape." You grunt noncommittally. "Our Church believes it can help.""I'm listening," you say, waiting for her offer.>(1/2)
"Our goddess has certain blessings she would be willing to bestow, were you to provide us with certain concessions. Land rights, the ability to build facilities without approval or investigation, that sort of thing." She pauses. "Ah. But as I recall, you're an atheist." She gestures to the letter opener on your desk. "May I borrow that for a moment?"You shrug. She takes it, placing her hand on the table and balancing the blade of the letter opener on the most proximal phalange of her left ring finger. "Wait, are you–" She slams the blade down, and you hear it hit the desk. You flinch back at the brief little spray of blood as she pulls her hand away from the finger, an awful sight of ripping and tearing flesh.Said finger is still wriggling on your desk, an unpleasant sight. "As you can see," she says, leaning back, flesh almost visibly regrowing on her hand, "our goddess is a mighty goddess indeed. I think our terms are eminently reasonable.">How the hell did she do that?>What sort of blessings is her goddess offering?>You'll need her to lay out all the needs of her church in advance before you agree to anything.>Write-in.Twitter: https://twitter.com/72oOCCJ1
>>37354915>>How the hell did she do that?+>>What sort of blessings is her goddess offering?Phrase it in such a way that we're impressed and not just looking for her favor.
>>37354915>What sort of blessings is her goddess offering?
>>37354915>>37354975Yeah, I'll support a combo of wut and okay, I'm listening before going into details of what they want
>>37354915Have her burned for witchcraft
>>37354909>>37354915Good to have you back, OP.>How the hell did she do that?Also, I'm of the opinion that we should wear a kilt, to get in touch with our Britanny born Celtic French heritage. Idi Aman did it to get in touch with his inner Scotsman after all!
>>37354915>How the hellWe're too shocked to talk politics immediately. What is this witchcraft?!Cool premise OP, we've had nation quests before, but with magic thrown in? I'm eager.
>>37355045And an Admirals Hat, because reasons
Rolled 4 (1d20)Shoot her in the head.she should be fine.
>>37355045While you attended university in France, as far as you're aware all your ancestors are from Africa.
>>37354915>What sort of blessings is her goddess offering?>You'll need her to lay out all the needs of her church in advance before you agree to anything.I take it your some sort of undead considering your clammy skin, regeneration and religious psycho-babble. That's fine but if you don't think I'm going to look at the fine print you underestimate me.
>>37355092I like this>>37355112Aww. Well, maybe we can still pretend we're Napoleon or something. Man, Africa had some pretty silly dictators. I really hope we can out-silly all of them.
How, and what are you offering?>>37354975>>37355020How?>>37355045>>37355070What are you offering?>>37354976What are you offering, and what do you want?>>37355163Die!>>37355036>>37355111
>>37355204>Killing her and the reasonable options all have an equal number of votesThis is going to hurt, isn't it?
>>37355218Nah, I'm probably just going to mix how/what are you offering.
>>37355218There are 4 votes for "How?" and 6 votes for "Offering?"
>>37355251I meant 4 votes, not 6. Damn phone.
>>37354915>>What sort of blessings is her goddess offering?
>>37354915We have to fight against this evil>not becoming Baako, King of Abuike, Vampire Slayer
Once the initial wave of surprise ends, you manage to find your voice. Long years of service in the army did steel your nerves somewhat. "How the hell did you do that?""Divine favor," she says. "The Pristine Mother is not like the God of the Christians or the Muslims, or the thousand remembered and forgotten gods of our ancestors. She differs from all of them in one crucial respect: she is real."Pithy. But still, she has just demonstrated what appears to be miraculous healing. "And... she does that, for her servants?""There are prices that must be paid," says the woman, her finger almost completely restored save for the distal phalange, the flesh slowly pressing forward. "I am not certain you would wish to pay them. Regardless, that is not the blessing our goddess wishes to offer you. She is a goddess of growth, renewal, birth and rebirth." You resist the urge to roll your eyes. "This is part of the reason for our church's wealth."The other part being all the drug production. Though that's probably divinely blessed too, if she's not bullshitting you. "What blessing *does* your goddess wish to offer me, then?""Food self-sufficiency for Abuike. A grand crop for the next year, enough for our nation to be a net exporter of food." She pauses, glancing at her now fully restored finger, the nail crisp and clean. "Perhaps other blessings, should we have more reason to believe they would be well-advised, and should our goddess agree with our appraisal.">And in return?>Let me guess: the next year, you're going to be coming back, asking for more, or the blessing ends?>...you know, I'm suddenly considering converting to your religion. What's it like?>Write-in.
>>37355185We'll be the silliest Dictator
>>37355500>And in return?
>>37355500>>And in return?we all bsns
>>37355500She's a monster! Shoot her!
>>37355500>And in return?>Let me guess: the next year, you're going to be coming back, asking for more, or the blessing ends?Other business associates have promised much the same and then tried to extort more after the initial taste. What's the catch.
>>37355500>Let me guess: the next year, you're going to be coming back, asking for more, or the blessing ends?
>>37355500>And in return?>Write-in."What would she, or you, want in return? And what future does your church see for itself and Abuike?"
I am reminded of a crusader quest from long ago with goddesses.
>>37355500Laugh heartily and smile, then slowly return to your desk, retrieve the M1911 with your face engraved on it that you requested from the CIA a year ago, and shoot her between the eyes while shouting for your guards.
>>37355500>And in return?>>37355538bsns indeed
>>37355500>...you know, I'm suddenly considering converting to your religion. What's it like?
In return?>>37355526>>37355538>>37355552>>37355581>>37355596Kill the witch!>>37355545>>37355590Conversion time!>>37355629Hmm. A cheap initial offer from a drug dealer... I wonder what happens when I need the next hit?>>37355558>>37355567
>>37355500>Let me guess: the next year, you're going to be coming back, asking for more, or the blessing ends?>
We're a dictator, we should be playing this more crazy and ego-centric. Throw her in prison until she agrees to tell all her followers that you have married the Pristine Mother, and are the Divine Father.
>>37355729Well, the OP seems to imply that we initially had benevolent plans, so that leaves everything open. We can be a good dictator, we can be a tyrant, or we can be KUH-RAYZEE
>>37355650what does the rep look like besides being a woman? Young/old, attractive/ugly, etc?
>>37355759I say well intentioned tyrant, who thinks his word should be law
"That sounds like an appealing offer," you say, evenly. "What do you want in return?""Your secret police–""State security agents," you correct, without malice.She pauses for a moment before continuing. "Very well," she allows. "Your state security agents routinely harass our worshippers, and we have certain..." she pauses, as if searching for the word, "rituals, which we cannot perform in the sight of any outsiders or nonbelievers. We humbly request the ability to practice our faith behind closed doors, without government interference, as we prefer.""That's all?""For this blessing. As you can no doubt see, it is the sort of deal which either party can end; should we renege for whatever reason, I'm certain you can come up with convincing reasons for your 'state security agents' to renew their harassment - worse once we have so personally offended you, I'm sure - and should you fail to keep up your end of the bargain, our goddess is more than capable of stopping her blessing prematurely."You eye the representative suspiciously. She's an older woman, in her mid-forties by your best guess, her hair cropped short and tied back, naturally kinky. She looks back at you with a sort of vague disinterest.>What, exactly, is going on in these private rituals?>That sounds like a fair bargain.>To be honest, you were initially interested in this deal because you were hoping the Church was willing to share part of their ill-gotten gains.>You want more. [Write-in]>Write-in.
>>37355814>You want more. [Write-in]"You want more. You want some hot, passionate lovin'"
>>37355814>>What, exactly, is going on in these private rituals?There's usually a reason police investigate things, after all
>>37355814>I want to know exactly what goes on behind your doors
>>37355814>>>What, exactly, is going on in these private rituals?It's a deal as long as they tell us what's happening and aren't doing demonic shit.
>>37355814>What, exactly, is going on in these private rituals?Provided its not too damaging to the state or it's reputation >That sounds like a fair bargain.Also are you even still human any more? The cold skin, the regeneration, sounds like some sort of vampire. Failing that something not at all naturally occurring.
>>37355814Do we have any sort of airforce? Firebombs? What do we have in artillery?
>>37355814>>What, exactly, is going on in these private rituals?>>That sounds like a fair bargain.>>To be honest, you were initially interested in this deal because you were hoping the Church was willing to share part of their ill-gotten gains.
What's going on in these rituals?>>37355848>>37355854>>37355868>>37355869>>37355876All of the above:>>37355897>>37355893Not much of an air force, some half-decent Soviet surplus artillery.
>>37356015What kind of infantry and mechanized forces do we have at our disposal
>>37356150Mediocre, standard third world issue.
"What's going on in these rituals?"The woman smiles, wry, at that question. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with.""I'm afraid I think I really do need to concern myself with it."There's a very long pause, the woman apparently deciding whether or not to tell you the truth. You give her time, waiting patiently. At last, she speaks. "Certain... sexual acts. The sort that polite society does not much like. Propitiation of a fertility goddess has often involved such things, historically; it is not so odd that a real goddess has her own mirror image of the practices of earlier false ones. It is not very pleasant to the uninitiated, either to look upon or to experience. I recall vomiting partway through, when I first attended. Nonetheless, it is not lethal, nor does it do any permanent physical harm."You're having difficulty thinking of a sex act that would make someone vomit, other than the obvious. "Is that a common reaction? Vomiting, I mean.""I suspect even a man such as yourself, experienced both in seeing rather distasteful things and inflicting them on others, would find his stomach churning unpleasantly, were he to see what goes on in those rituals. Which is why we wish to keep it away from prying eyes. Our goddess's worship may not be as pristine as her name, but it is the mode of worship she prefers, nonetheless.">Nah. You're not supporting some creepy sex cult.>Fuck it, sure.>Don't you have money that you could give me to shore up the nation's finances?>Write-in.
>>37356200>>Write-in.are the participants willing, and can we get the head of our State Security Agents to collaborate this testimony via reports or field agent witnesses?
>>37356200>I'd like to witness one of these rituals before I make my desicion, but I'm leaning towards agreeing to your proposal.
>>37356200>Write-in."Alright, lets just get this down for the record.""Everything is consensual, does not cause grievous bodily harm (That you can't regenerate and have willing participants for), and will be done in complete secret, yes?"
>>37356200>Fuck it, sure.>Write-inWhat other blessings does she have to offer?
>>37356200>Fuck it, sure.We prosperous economy now
>>37356200>Fuck it, sure.Just be clear they're still bound by this country's laws, so no sex slave business.
As long as it's consensual:>>37356243>>37356255>>37356366Sure:>>37356282>>37356356I like to watch.>>37356249
>>37356429Surprised I'm the only one curious about what they're doing
>>37356463I got here too late...
>>37356529Still not too late to find out
"The participants in these... events, they consent?" The woman nods. "And no permanent harm is done?" Another nod. "And this will be done in *complete* secret, correct?""That is how we prefer it, yes. I take it that is acceptable?"You lean back in your chair. "Yes. I'll make the necessary calls, if you keep up your side of the deal.""We have every intention of doing so.Our goddess's blessing can be delivered wherever you prefer.""Delivered?" You cock an eyebrow."Our goddess works through physical medium. Think more... supercharged fertilizer, than simply a wave of the hands and some magic words." She looks at you carefully. "I guarantee, her blessing will be more than sufficient to make farming locally cheaper than importing food."Your fingers tap uncomfortably against the desk. "This isn't going to hurt the crops or environment somehow, is it?"The woman shrugs. "Man's influence has always changed the environment wherever he moves. Rubber trees grow on plantations in Southeast Asia; the potato became the primary food crop of Ireland; the wolf was domesticated and now its descendants live on every continent; the glyptodon is extinct. It will probably affect the environment somehow - it is hard to imagine that a boom in farming won't - but I have no reason to believe that it will do so to any particularly disastrous effect. The crops will grow faster, more easily, and more plentifully." She waves her hand, vaguely. "Perhaps the weeds as well, or the pests. We've had no particular trouble in our use of it.""In your drug fields."The woman smiles. "We grow only legal crops to feed our members, Mr. President. I am certain I have no idea to what you are referring.">Finalize the deal. [Timeskip]>Write-in.
>>37356667What is this fertilizer made of?
>>37356667>Finalize the deal. [Timeskip]Let's get on with it.
>>37356667>Finalize the deal. [Timeskip]This sounds good enough, though it will inevitably bite us in the booty.
>>37356667>Finalize the deal. [Timeskip]
Going to grab lunch, brb.
>>37356745Enjoy your meal then, OP.
Obviously winning choice:>>37356706>>37356714>>37356740>>37356748
"Whatever you say." You sigh, and finalize the details with the representative, working out where to best deliver their 'fertilizer' and how to sell it to the public.* * *The yield was, in fact, greatly increased. There is something of a pacification of the guerrillas' work in the countryside, as farmers come to see your regime in a more positive light, what with the vastly improved food security the "goddess's blessing" has provided them. It's not complete, of course - nothing ever satisfies Communists but tearing down everything worthwhile - but it's substantial, and there's even the occasional word from your intelligence agents that they might be considering a cease fire altogether.So you're meeting the representative - Onyeka is her name - again, to discuss things for the next year, and the potential of further "blessings" from her goddess.There's just two major niggling points which are undermining your hopes of getting a deal through.Firstly, there have been a surprising number of reports of "monsters" ravaging the countryside. You didn't think much of them, initially, but there have been bodies of grotesque abominations found. Officially, they're mutated strains of local wildlife; antelopes with no hair and three eyes, or massive wild dogs, or similar such things, but unofficially... well, there really shouldn't be so many mutated animals. Onyeka's discussion of her goddess being a goddess of "rebirth" comes to mind, and you've had the suspicion that the Pristine Mother is somehow at fault.Secondly, she wants her little cult to get some of the credit, to help them proselytize and grow. You're not so sure about that, all things considered. Credit for Abuike's newfound food self-sufficiency has buoyed your regime to newfound heights of stability, and you aren't inclined to share with others.>Write-in.
>>37357218>Write-in.Ask her about the monsters, and if they should get any credit for the food they should get it for the monsters as well,Also contact the CIA operative we were working with and ask him about the cult
>>37357218Contact North Korea, Putindom and the CIA to sell them bioweapons.
>>37357325+1 I agree with this
>>37357218If they can help us deal with the monster problem for good they will be given the most of the credit for that, but we'd like to keep their involvment with the agriculture on the down-low
>>37357325This.Remember she needs us, we don't need her.
>>37357325We better contact Umbrella
>>37357218Can we try to convince some foreigners to invest in the agriculture of our great nation?
>>37357218Investigate reports, we're a dictatorship government entity, we have people we can hire for this. In addition, hire some dirty capitalist pig scientists and see if they understand any of how the fertilizer is working, or whats up with the wildlife. Negotiate with her, she wants credit, shes gotta keep this shit consistent, and she better openly declare support for us.
>>37357218Would not wanting a second year of blessing result in a curse?
Sure, you can have credit for the monsters.>>37357325>>37357363>>37357366>>37357415>>37357431First deal with the monsters your stupid fertilizer obviously made, bitch.>>37357375"Hello, Putin? Would you like to buy a really ugly dog? Hello? Hello? He hung up.">>37357358Negotiate with her:>>37357477I might want to opt out...>>37357494Foreign investment.>>37357448
>>37357527Surely we have scientists who are working on chemical weapons and nuclear bombs, why not have a few of them study these weird animals, give them a few excess soldiers or whatever also, and pay them a bit to be quiet with some paperwork.
>>37357555Eh. You can assume that there's been autopsies and whatnot and all they really found was "weirdo mutant freak monster."
>>37357527>"Hello, Putin? Would you like to buy a really ugly dog? Hello? Hello? He hung up."Top kek, nice job OP
>>37357555I like the way you think.
>>37357567Abuikean science at it's best
>>37357527>"Hello, Putin? Would you like to buy a really ugly dog? Hello? Hello? He hung up."Shit, if I knew this'd be how it went I would've voted for that. It'd be awesome.
>>37357325And set up a part of the secret police that specialises in exterminating these thing and have our researchers look in to the effects the fertilizer have on the animals and how
you know, worst case scenario we could set up our own cult, with hookers and blackjack.
"You want credit for the fertilizer, but I'd like to point out that there is a sudden influx of... rather disturbing creatures, in the area surrounding our nation's farmlands. Larger, more vicious, and certainly a good deal more grotesque, than their ordinary cousins. I don't suppose you would know what caused that?"Onyeka considers for a little bit, then shrugs. "I suppose if you fed it to animals, it might do something along those lines. That's why you don't feed it to animals. This was all in the documentation we provided you regarding the proper use of our fertilizer, and you told us you planned to distribute copies to the farmers."You give her a look. "Wow, what a surprise, a million barely literate farmers didn't follow instructions to the letter." You sigh. "So this is a side effect?""I don't understand the problem," Onyeka says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "The farmers did something stupid, then some animals got a bit larger and uglier than normal.""Twelve people have been mauled to death by these monsters so far.""Oh no," Onyeka says, in a complete deadpan. "A dozen people got mauled by animals, in a nation of two million." She looks at you. "Your state security agents have probably killed more people in the past week than that. Are you seriously that concerned?""My state security agents have the good grace to do that sort of thing behind closed doors. There are exorcists and witch doctors and a dozen other kinds of snake oil salesmen popping up, some of my more colorful political enemies are claiming that I'm consorting with demons and these are my offspring," Onyeka snorts at that, "and, in general, it actively undermines my ability to rule when literal monsters start attacking my citizenry."Onyeka shrugs. "I can't really help you with your problem. Our goddess is a goddess of birth, not a goddess of death. I suppose that we can stop providing our product, if you hate it so much.">Write-in.
>>37357826Nah we keep it.Test it on a human.
>>37357826Have the more literate farmers teach the peasants.
>>37357826She's being a real bitch. We're her motherfucking ruler and she's being a sarcastic asshole. BURN THE WITCHCALL THE GUARDS
>>37357826Get your people to help the farmers do it correctly. Label the farmers as the devil worshipers.
>>37357826Start a national campaign to teach the farmers proper care with the fertilizer.Also maybe work more on the whole "teaching people how to read" thing?
>>37357880I think a witchburning is justified at this point. We need someone to pin this bullshit on anyway.
>>37357826Can we have more information on what exactly were doing? Also investigate which idiots are feeding it to animals and have them publically castrated so they cannot pass on their rampant stupidity.
>>37357826Bring the farms under government control to avoid animals eating it or only allow farms under state control to use the fertilizer
>>37357826>I suppose that we can stop providing our product, if you hate it so muchNO. We are peasant masterrace and we need to fertilize the shit out of our farms.
>>37357906But if the people can read, then they can read communist manifesto!
>>37357937Just burn that book and give them our own instead: Newly Implanted Governments: Growing Africa Stronger
>>37357826"I suppose I could turn that state security onto your cult and eradicate from this planet.""On the other hand, you could help me deal with these and spread good reputation for your cult and gain people to join it at the same time."
>>37357826Offer to let them be the public face of the program to educate the farmers proper care of dangerous farming implements
>>37357961Oh nice idea!
>>37357953next you're going to say something radical like that we should let women drive aren't you? You're trying to justify us letting other cultures infiltrate our nation.
>>37357972Women are allowed to drive in Abuike.There just aren't really any roads for them to drive on, or cars for them to drive.
>>37357972>not wanting to doctrinate the peasants with our ideology, imbued in N.I.G:G.A.S
>>37357961huh, a chance for them to spread there religion, advocate safe usage of there fertilizer, AND educate farmers and there children. I approve! >>37357981At least tell me they aren't allowed to vote at our totally legitimate elections.
>>37357913You're distributing the "fertilizer" to farmers, along with documentation on its use, for basically nothing.>>37358003No one is allowed to vote at your totally legitimate elections.
>>37358024>>No one is allowed to vote at your totally legitimate elections.Perfect
Teach the peasantry to not be retards and feed the dangerous mutagen to the animals:>>37357867>>37357899>>37357982>>37357906>>37357955>>37357961>>37357970>>37357982>>37357989>>37358003Kill the witch!>>37357880>>37357907>>37357966Other votes that didn't win:>effort
>>37358053I'm sad no one wants to test it on our most loyal soldiers.
>>37358079You have to test it on your LEAST loyal soldiers, not your MOSt, you're doing it wrong.
>>37358091Ohh you're right, I get what you mean
>>37358053>Teach the peasantry to not be retards and feed the dangerous mutagen to the animals:Inclusion of "Make it a publicity stunt for the cult too"
>>37358134That part is important
Better start start arming up people, with ghetto blasters if we have to. Worst case scenario, we get quite a number of monsters and ring up the UN and take all the credit for the eventual explosions.
>>37358141Most of the votes supported it
>>37358188Natch is short for naturally.
>>37358194That doesn't even make sense
>>37358211Sure it does. That's how the first syllable of naturally is pronounced.
>>37358194Holy shit it is. It's just fallen out of modern use
>>37358243OP confirmed for mutant feminist vampire.
>>37358227Damn, that does make sense.
You grit your teeth, resisting the urge to murder Onyeka for crimes against the regime. You think for a bit, leaning back in your chair, before finally making a decision. "I have an idea that might solve both our problems. You want a bigger public profile for your little religion, and I want there to not be giant monsters roaming the countryside. If you send out your members to educate the farmers on how to properly use the fertilize their crops, we can both accomplish our goals."Onyeka's clearly considering your offer. She shakes her head in the end, though. "I'm not sure we have the manpower to do something like that.""Ah, yes," you say, your lips quirking. "According to our state security agency, your cult has..." you pretend to glance at a note in a folder, "about twenty five hundred members?" Her face is stone cold, unreadable. It gives you no idea how accurate that estimate is. "If you spent a week teaching each farmer to do it, using one member for each farmer, you could teach something like one hundred thousand a year."Onyeka is quiet for a long time, considering your words, before finally speaking. "As your vague estimate suggests, we could not effectively teach the entirety of the farming population proper use of the fertilizer in a short timespan.""You could target the areas where the most 'monster sightings' have taken place," you suggest. "Cut down on problems, improve your public image, get an opportunity to speak to some of the stupidest and most easily manipulated members of the public and perhaps convince them to join your church.""How droll," she says, in reply to your suggestion that her religion appeals to the stupid. "Still, I see some merit in your suggestion. We would require some kind of monetary compensation, so that we could ensure all members working were fed and provided for, of course. It would only be a modest amount, I assure you.">Finalize deal. [Timeskip]>Write-in.
>>37358439>Finalize deal. [Timeskip]
>>37358439Obviously they probably have higher numbers, but quite a nice job our stare security is doing. Then again, their religion is actually real.
>>37358439>Finalize deal. [Timeskip]Just an observation without any intended criticism, but this game seems a lot less personal and more business compared to the previous ones (I've only been around since teacher's pet).
>>37358439>kind of monetary compensationThey better do it for free.
>>37358439Agree and move onto the rest of what she wanted to negotiate about. With the public acknowledgement and such, we need to make some elaborate PR thing.
Also grab the napalm, instead of whatever we have now.
>>37358439>Finalize deal. [Timeskip]>Write-in.Have our secret police infiltrate the cult but keep those doing the infiltrating under close watch so they don't turn on us
>>37358439>>Finalize deal. [Timeskip]>Do some human experimentation ourselves.
>>37358439Use yo drug money, ho
>>37358562do NOT do anything so obvious. At worst have them keeping an eye on monster sighting regions.
>>37358439>>Finalize deal. [Timeskip]Sure, people need to eat. It's not like we can force our peasantry to support them or something.
Finalize deal:>>37358495>>37358525>>37358581Further negotiations:>>37358540Human experimentation:>>37358563Secret police investigate:>>37358562
>>37358683Seconding the (very well secured and personally overseen) human experiment
>>37358683Human experimentation, surely some of those political prisoners we have could be better used.
>>37358683Also tossing in for human experimentation.
So when are we gonna get to commit genocide?
>>37358683Add one more for expirimentation.
>>37358683Make sure we have the napalm. For the human experiments.
>>37358702>>37358707>>37358742>>37358780Hey, let's force feed people fertilizer of doom!
>>37358845Yeah, no way that can end badly.
>>37358845Also what happens if you snort it with corpse dust? Magical stuff always works well when ground up and snorted.
>>37358866Not with High explosives
You work out the exact numbers with Onyeka; her cult can offer a thousand people as manpower for public education campaigns, and you'd estimate them as being able to get to somewhere between fifty and a hundred thousand farmers educated. The targeted regions would be such and such; the pay involved would be this or that; and so forth. The details are dull, but ultimately necessary.You also set aside a small amount of their next "fertilizer shipment" for use in human experimentation, feeding it to political prisoners and the like.* * *The human experimentation got very little in terms of results. Some individuals given it suffered from mutated parasites, but none showed the sorts of results you've seen in the wildlife. You're not sure what that means, whether it just doesn't effect humans or if it has to be prepared in some way you're not understanding.'Monster sightings' are down substantially, corresponding to the areas where the Church of the Pristine Mother's volunteers have been working to educate the farmers on how to properly use the fertilizer. They've gotten some good press over it, and you've read more than one article where some doe-eyed convert or young member of the church babbles on endlessly about "all the good we're doing" and "that we're really a peaceful faith, wanting only the best for everyone, despite stereotypes about cults" and the rest of that rubbish.Cult membership is up very substantially. Your state security estimates the number of members has risen to fifteen thousand, though the number of "dedicated members" who have actually attended the more private rituals is estimated at around four thousand. You strongly suspect that they've been taking credit for the fertilizer with the farmers they've been educating.Onyeka's back, and she's mostly interested in a continuation of the status quo. Of course she is. If her cult keeps up this rate of growth, they'll be running the country in three years.>Write-in.
>>37359024Over-take the Cult.
>>37359024>Ask about joining them.
>>37359024Time we join her cult and then we COUP IT UP.It's how we do things
>>37359024>Agree to continueing the current arrangement>Ask for a tour of the cults facilities
>>37359081>>37359079>>37359060>>37359024Actually, no. Install a puppet ruler inside the cult itself, don't join it ourselves.
>>37359113Nah, let's join up.
>>37359024How about a little pat on the back, they come out supporting you, and you support them, if ackmadinijad or whatever the fuck his name is in Iran can stay in power by appeasing the countries religious faction and having them condone him so can you. Also start building roads so we can ban women from driving on them.
>>37359123That seems a good way to lose the throne
Or we nationalize the fertilizer industry like people who run countries. I dunno /sarcasm.
>>37359024>>37359099yes, let us learn about them first hand.>>37359125Also this
>>37359125>Also start building roads so we can ban women from driving on them.Made me chuckle
>>37359141Not if we mak it the state religion after spreading it's influence throughout our populace.
>>37359125Their current president is Hassam RouhaniYou probably mean the Supreme Leader of Iran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei
>>37359184>UpdateYeah I was thinking of Ayatollah, but yeah, he stays in power by using his connection with the leaders of the Islamic front in his nation, so we should do the same, or alternatively start our own cult!
>>37359151Get some first hand experience before accepting our new lovecraftian overlords.
>>37359024Tell them they can stop teaching the farmers now that they know not to feed fertilizer to animals.
Join cult:>>37359060>>37359079>>37359081(Try to) install a puppet ruler in the cult:>>37359113>>37359145Support each other:>>37359125>>37359151Can I tour your facilities?>>37359099>>37359151I like my farmers like I like my women: ignorant and without political organization. Stop teaching them.>>37359259
We need to start up a propaganda machine in order to counter their growing popularity
support each other seems like a good option
>>37359371We crown ourself the benevolent God Emperor of Randomafricanlandia
>>37359371Last I heard we won 100% of the popular vote, and we voted AGAINST ourselves.
>>37359407>>37359301I'd concede my vote here to support it >>37359099
>>37359024Officially claim the cult provides us the fertilizer.Wait a bit then:Poison the next batch of fertilizer and blame the cult.Kill them all.
>>37359455But we're dependant on the fertelizer now
>>37359060>>37359079>>37359081>>37359113>>37359145>>37359125>>37359151>>37359099>>37359151>>37359259Okay, I'm taking a dump right now anyway so final destination. Quote just this post and give a number. Nothing but >>373XXXXX and the next line which is a single number.1 - Join the cult.2 - Support the cult/have the cult support you.3 - Try to co-opt the cult by an internal coup.4 - Ask to tour the cult's facilities.
>>37359474We'll need to replace it's economic importance with something else.
>>373595064 - Ask to tour the cult's facilities.then2 - Support the cult/have the cult support you.next1 - Join the Cultand finally3 - COUPTake things gradually
>>37359575Invalid vote. Your vote should look like the other ones.
>>37359575You can only chose one
>>373595062 and 4
>>37359575>>37359601But the last option opens up for another vote after the tour
>>37359616Not a valid vote!
>>37359598It's 3. Just with all the steps involved.It shouldn't be something direct.Either way, I'll just abstain instead.
>>37359633Final destination takes advantage of a quirk of the board software to make it difficult to samefag. You can't post an identical post within five minutes of your previous one.
>>37359631Okay, just 2 then.
>>37359648Yes you can, with certain invisible characters or with a cellphone.
>>37359662Still not a valid vote
Valid votes:2>>37359523>>37359561>>37359611>>373596341>>373595324>>37359572>>37359669Word is "difficult."Seems like a bunch of people missed this vote... whatever.
>>37359693Or the last one was samefagged
>>3735970936 unique posters tho
>>37359743And it probably keeps on increasing each vote due to samefagging
>>37359771>what is a dynamic IP/cell phone/unbanned proxy/etc.
>>37359788>>37359783Except most people don't use them.The 36 figure is due to some people posting and leaving, or just posting something then going back to lurking
>>37359788>>37359783>what is occam's razor>besides, there is no way to know they're not same fagging so as much I hate it, we have to go along with it, as far as I know.
>>37359823Lots of people use them.
"We're both aware of how important the fertilizer is to your faith's recent growth," you say, voice level. Onyeka listens with rapt attention. "I would like to publicly clarify the relationship between your religion and my state.""And what is that relationship?""One of mutual support," you say. "Your Church actively supports my country, by helping it to feed itself, and my state actively supports your Church. It would just be a public formalization of that relationship. I say, blah blah, freedom of conscience, blah blah, glad to see citizens of my nation helping one another, blah blah, truly proud of the Church of the Pristine Mother for stepping forward to help this country feed itself.""And in return, we say...?""You support my legitimate rule of Abuike, and condemn those radical elements who seek to undermine it. The communists, the liberals, the would-be revolutionaries of every political stripe.""Attaching ourselves to your rule seems like it gives you more than it gives us. No offense, Mr. President, but your popularity is vastly overstated in the ballot box.""Be that as it may, I'm not about to let some upstart cult keep growing at the rate yours has unless I know it's on my side. So what'll it be, Ms. Onyeka? Are you with me, or against me?"She steels her jaw, tilts her head, considers, then sighs. "Very well. You can expect our members to make numerous statements of support for your continued rule over the coming months.""Good to hear," you say.>Write-in.
>>37360016Begin going through our entire military and ensure their loyalty lies firmly with us, make sure they are well armed too just in case the Church gets funny ideas later down the line
>>37360016I'd very much like a tour of some of your facilities
>>37360016>>37360124This plus Get some scientists to examine our fertilizer, give them protection but make sure they know its a national secret.>>37360144add this
>>37360016Ask to meet the actual leader of the cult since the person we have been talking to is clearly just a representative.
>>37360144>>37360175These combine well
>>37360169Yeah, get the scientists on it, make sure it's not made with human sexual fluids or ground up bodies
>>37360016Start producing cocain i large quantaties and keep it all stored in your officeWe Tony Montana now
>>37360238And then we can create our own cult, with blackjack and hookers!
>>37360016What would the cult want to really get behind us?
>>37360237>make sure it IS made with human sexual fluids or ground up bodiesFixed that for you
Check military:>>37360124>>37360169Tour:>>37360144>>37360169>>37360214Scientist investigate:>>37360169>>37360237Meet leader:>>37360175>>37360214What does the cult want?>>37360303Some dumb shit.>>37360238>>37360304
>>37360369Would it be possible to continue more experimentation with the fertilizers?I am really behind the idea of trying to breed our own monsters with it and to domesticate them. The idea of super-mutant attack dogs is an appealing one.
>>37360477Sure, I'd get behind it
>>37360477Sure.I'm actually feeling off/distracted today (have a shitload of IRL stuff I need to do, plus this, plus some other writing I do, etc) so I'll probably be ending the thread with in next update or two.
>>37360369I don't see why all of those can't be combined
>>37360501Nice, then I'll probably catch the last vote before going to bed
>>37360533Character limit, basically.
"I'd like to get a better handle on the up and coming new religion in Abuike. I've only ever spoken to you, and I've never seen your facilities myself. I'd like to get a look at your facilities, speak to some of the movers and shakers in your cult.""I suppose such a thing could be arranged," Onyeka says, without much relish."Excellent. I'd also like to see your leader, so that I can know who I'm getting in bed with."Onyeka smirks, and it annoys you, but you let it go. "Our leader is the Pristine Mother herself, and I'm not sure you want to meet her. You might not survive the meeting... at least, not the same as you are now."You grimace a little at that thought. From the vague impressions you've gotten, the Pristine Mother is not nearly so pristine as her name implies. "Surely you have a mortal leader?"Onyeka snorts. "You are confusing us with a false religion again, Mr. President. Our goddess is real. She needs no mouthpiece to speak through, because she has her own tongues with which to speak. You could meet her, perhaps, but if you were to, I would not bank on your returning to your office. And that would be terrible, both for you, and for us.""Fine, then. Just the tour. And I want to see the Church as it really is, you understand? No fancy footwork to change things up.""Of course, of course. I'll do what I can to arrange it, speak to the necessary people." She smiles, and you get the slight vision of teeth, filed to sharp knives. "You'll be a welcome guest, for all your assistance in allowing our cult to thrive and flourish.">END OF CHAPTER.Twitter: https://twitter.com/72oOCCJ1Thanks for reading, sorry for the short session, I'm tired and my typing skills are vanishing rapidly which is really bad when you're churning out first drafts like you do in a quest. (I almost typed "atooy" instead of "annoy," for example.) Hope you enjoyed, first quest I've done of this type.
>>37360686It was a nice experience, hope next thread is soon.
>>37360722Plan on running again tomorrow.
>>37360686Thanks for running.Pristine mother is either a demon or an ancient vampire calling it now.
>>37360742Will probably miss most of it, but at least I've got something to read on a semi-long buss trip.
>>37360742Cool, I'm looking forward to it.