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I guess it's really more like 'Thread 32.5', but... meh.

Don't forget about INSIGHT CHECKS!
It's simple! Just:
>Reply to an EsperQM™ post
>Greentext something from within that post that you want to know more about
>And (if you wish to make my life easier/get a more relevant bit of insight) ask a question or make a comment- not in greentext- below your greentext!

VOTING PROTOCOL:
>When voting, put the option you're voting for in greentext, linking back to the post you're voting towards.
>If you want to do a write-in, choose the “>Something else? (WRITE-IN!)” option, and put your write-in in greentext below it.
>If you wish to support a write-in, vote as you normally would, link back to the post containing the write-in, and include whatever it was that that particular anon... well, wrote!

FURTHERMORE, I'd prefer that you do INSIGHT CHECKS and VOTES in separate (but equal) posts!

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You look about, trying to find the source of the voice calling out from the darkness.

After a few moments of seeing nothing, you ask, “...Where are you?”

The only response you get is a childish giggle that seems to emanate from everywhere and nowhere at the same time and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand upright. You turn to Mokarin and ask if she can see anything.

“... I detect nothing unusual, Nee-sama,” Mokarin buzzes.

“Of course you don't see me, robot!” The voice mocks, “You see with glorified cameras, after all!”

… This is some supernatural/magical crap, isn't it? Well isn't that just freakin' dandy?

Flan giggles and pats your head. “You can put Flan down, now.”

You oblige, lift the girl off of your shoulders, and set her down.

“Hey,” the voice calls out again. It's eerie, hearing a little girl's voice like this. “I'll cut you a deal. See, normally, I'd just kill you and be done with it. But I know who you are, and what you are, Miss Takamichi, and it /is/ Valentine's Day, after all... so I'll offer you a choice.”

You resist the urge to tell her it isn't Valentine's Day. She's clearly mad, after all, and she claims its why you're not dead yet- you've no idea whether or not she's serious, nor how she might react to your correction.

Another giggle. “One: You and your little robot friend turn around, go home, and I don't murder you- not even a little. Two: I tell you something good, give you a ten-second head start, and then do my level best to do you in.”

…

This is going to be one of those days, isn't it?

>Option One. You don't feel like being murdered- “not even a little.”
>Option Two. She didn't say what the good thing was, but it must be something good, right?
>Ask for more details about what 'something good' is. 'Good' is subjective, after all.
>... Embrace that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions.
>BURNINATE. SCOUR THE IMMEDIATE AREA. LEAVE HER NOWHERE TO HIDE.
>Something else? (Propose a third option!)

>>38065951
>BURNINATE. SCOUR THE IMMEDIATE AREA. LEAVE HER NOWHERE TO HIDE.
I'm not usually one for buninating, but this, this is irking me enough to go for it even if it is blatantly foolish.

>>38065951
>Ask what's up with the dramatics. What was wrong with a 'thank-you-goodbye'?

>>38065951
>>38066204
i like this

>>38066198
BURN

>>38066204
>>38066561
>What's your problem, lady?

Okay, writing!
Geez. I forgot how slow this quest is to run.

>>38066696
They used to be decently fast.

File: DO THEY KNOW OF AKARIN'S RAGE.gif (351 KB, 480x270)

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You cross your arms and try not to let your irritation show in your bearing. “What the heck is your problem, lady? We found your little sister, she asked us to help find you, we helped her find you, and now you think you've got to allow us to /choose/ to live?”

“It speaks volumes about modern society,” Mokarin says, “A death threat instead of 'thank you' or another expression of gratitude or relief.” She shakes her head. “Being so impolite in the presence of Akari-neesama... I should delete you for your impertinence.”

A guffaw rings out from the darkness. “You threaten me? How quaint! Do you know what I am, /child/? I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation!”

You grimace. “You said you know what /I/ am, if I recall correctly,” you say, “So, unless you're something rather unusual, I think you're the one who doesn't understand the situation you've gotten yourself into.”

“Oh-ho! So you really don't know what I am, then? That's rather disappointing. I'd almost forgotten how dull you humans are!” Another laugh.

Your grimace twists itself into a scowl. Your brow furrows, your eyes narrow, and you only barely manage to keep yourself from bursting into flame.

“Don't get me wrong,” you say, your words terse and strained due to your seething, “I know precisely what you are.”

“Oh, you do, do you? Do you really, now? I think we shall see.” Another laugh. “Come on, then. What am I? Tell me! I'm dying to know.”

>“... Flammable.”
>“A magician. Wizard. Witch. Whatever.”
>“An ungrateful [REDACTED].”
>“A pile of ashes. You just haven't realized yet.”
>“A terrible sister.”
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38067480
>“A terrible sister. Honestly, do you even care about her?"

>>38067480
>“A pile of ashes. You just haven't realized yet.”
Rejoice, for we have returned, if only temporarily! Now where's that fight theme...

>>38067480
>“... Flammable.”
What >>38067586
said.

>>38067537
>“A terrible sister. Honestly, do you even care about her?"

Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>38067480
>Another laugh
About how overconfident is she feeling right now?

>>38067480
>“A terrible sister.”

>>38067697
>5
>Deduction/Conclusion

Enough to be a smug, condescending bitch about it.

>>38067753
Well we were already planning on lighting her up like a Christmas tree but now we're gonna enjoy it!

>>38067480
>"Annoying."

>>38067537
>>38067681
>>38067720
>A terrible sister

>>38067616
>>38067586
Medium-well/Well-done

>>38067987
Annoying.

Okay, writing.

>>38068131
Okay, more people have turned up so I'll feel less guilty about needing to go to sleep soon. Hopefully I'll manage to stick around for another update or two, but if not, thanks for running Esper-chan!

>>38067480
>“An ungrateful [REDACTED].”
>"Also a Vampire, but mostly a [REDACTED]"
>Point at her Fabulously
>"the next thing you're gonna say is 'oh, and how did you deduce that?'"

>"Simple, your Sister said you're 9ld enough she can't count your age. That was the first clue, but that alone isn't enough. You could be a magician, for example, but the next clue really helped narrow down the options.
>"'I'd almost forgotten how dull you humans are' Your own words. This meams you are not, or do not consider yourself human, meaning you must be a human-like being, but the last clue was what made me certain."
>"This unnatural darkness where you decided to make your presence known. That and your insufferable Haughtiness and Air of Superiority. The Hallmarks of a Vampire."

>"And I know the greatest weakness of a Vampire... they're very Flammable, you see. especially when they're under Sunlight. And I can make sunlight whenever I want!"

Jojo Akarin Knows your Secrets!

>>38068384
Hmm. I'll see if I can't work at least some of that in.

>>38068472
You are too kind, EsperQM.

>>38068540
Probably.

You glance down at Flan-chan. Above all the others, there's one answer that really needs to be given.

“You're a terrible sister.” You shake your head. “Honestly, it's like you don't even care about her.”

“Oh, I am, am I? It sounds like you're resorting to ad hominem attacks, now. How gauche.”

You snort. “Judging by your avoidance of the light, your supposed age, the way you imply that you aren't human, your manner of speaking, your insufferable and condescending tone, and the way you manage to treat two people who are currently amongst greatest threats to your existence that this city holds like a couple of plebeians... you must be some sort of supernatural... thing.”

You smirk as it occurs to you where she's hiding, and continue, “Probably a vampire. A long-undead noble from a kingdom that probably fell due to your own stupidity and overconfidence, I'll bet.”

“You... you insolent little shi-”

You cut her off with a jet of searing blue flame sent skyward, burning through the horizontal portion of the street-light overhead and sending the light- and the girl standing atop it- falling towards the pavement.

You hop backwards to avoid having the girl and her perch fall on your head, appreciating her cry of surprise as you do so.

>Leave with Mokarin. Your work here is done.
>... Teach this vampire a lesson. One she'll be feeling for at least a week.
>PURGE THE UNCLEAN.
>Mock her.
>Threaten her- give her two options: She can tell you 'something good', in which case she and her sister will be free to go. Or she can reenact a witch trial.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38069371
>... Teach this vampire a lesson. One she'll be feeling for at least a week.

>>38069371
>... Teach this vampire a lesson. One she'll be feeling for at least a week.
But using words instead of physical violence. I kinda want to Befriend her, but Friendship through superior Firepower is more Nano- I mean, Mokarin's style.

>>38069371
>... Teach this vampire a lesson. One she'll be feeling for at least a week.

>>38069371
>PURGE THE UNCLEAN.
Kill the xeno!

>>38069371
>>PURGE THE UNCLEAN.
Sure, why not.

>>38069513
Bit she's not a Xeno! She's just a Vampire. That means she is either a Filthy Mutant or a descendant of Sanguinius.

>>38069651
She could still be a xeno, we haven't gotten a good enough look at her yet to be sure one way or the other.

>>38069712
Hmm... true. Proper Inquisitors investigate before Burninating, unlike those Crazy people from he Ecclesiarchy.
I propose we withhold Burnination until we can ascertain whether or not she is a Filthy Xeno or a Abhuman.

>>38069871
Sound in theory, but it's a bit late for that now.

>>38069472
>>38069497
>>38069498
>Teach her a lesson

>>38069513
>>38069531
Purge it!

Okay, writing.

…

You decide to teach this 'vampire' a lesson.

Mostly, this consists of Mokarin saying things like “BE POLITE” and “THANK PEOPLE WHEN THEY DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU” and you making her uncomfortably hot by heating the pavement.

After the two of you were satisfied, you lit her pants on fire, made sure Flan-chan would be able to take care of herself (she, too, was a vampire, it seems- albeit a much friendlier one), and headed on back to Fate-chan's hideout.

On the way, you were confronted by half a dozen thugs with crazy haircuts, ugly tattoos, and sleeveless leather jackets. They threatened you or something- you weren't exactly paying attention, if you're honest- and you set their bums on fire.

Literally.

Aside from that, though, the walk was pretty uneventful.

When you reach the building Fate had claimed as her own and make your way indoors, you find Mato, Fate, and Yuu-chan sitting around and talking. Yuu-chan and Fate are on the couch, and Mato's sitting in an armchair.

…

>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.
>Ask why Mato isn't sitting with them.
>Hug the daylights out of Yuu-chan. She's such a cutie-pie~!
>Do some other thing for some reason. (Write-in!)

>>38070756
I imagine they noticed us entering?
>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.

>>38070756
>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.
Might as well, right?

>>38070756
>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.
any other seat is heresy

>>38070756
>>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.
I'm a little disappointed we didn't get a proper fight in, but oh well.

>>38070756
>Take your rightful place in the lap of the Mato.
>Hug the daylights out of Yuu-chan. She's such a cutie-pie~!
We can totally do both. Drag Yuu into our lap while we sit in Mato's.
Lap tower.

>>38070779
>>38070807
>>38070812
>>38070826
>Mato-chan~

>>38070964
Anon is way too EXTREME for ordinary lap-sitting and cuddling

Writing!

You go to Yuu-chan first, because something as cute as Yuu-chan requires... no, /demands/ hugging.

You're going in for the hug when she catches your shoulders with her hands, stopping you in the middle of your approach.

You look at her with the eyes of a puppy that just watched its owner eat a whole plate of bacon without being given a piece, and she shakes her head. “I'm sweaty,” she says simply.

You accept this with a HMPH and promises that 'she'll get hers', then slip into Mato's lap, making sure to press yourself up against Mato's flatness as much as you possibly can.

Mato wraps her arms around your stomach and gives you a gentle squeeze, then kisses you on the cheek and whispers, directly into your ear, “Happy Valentine's Day, Akari.”

…

You blink.

What.

Mokarin sits down in the middle of the couch, only to have Fate's arm almost immediately slide around her, seize her by her bum, and pull the surprised robot close. “Happy Valentine's Day, robot-wife.”

Mokarin blinks.

She looks at you and says, “It is not the fourteenth of February.”

…

Fate tilts her head. “... Why would it be?”

Yuu puts a hand on Mokarin's forehead. “Are you sure you're okay...?”

…

What the heck?

>Agree with Mokarin- it isn't Valentine's Day!
>Just wait and see what happens.
>Turn around so you're belly-to-belly with Mato. And then molest the crap out of her. You're too busy indulging in your Mato for this stuff.
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38071881
>Agree with Mokarin- it isn't Valentine's Day!
>Threaten to tickle Mato into submission if she doesn't explain herself.

>>38071881
>Turn around so you're belly-to-belly with Mato. And then molest the crap out of her. You're too busy indulging in your Mato for this stuff.

>>38071881
>Agree with Mokarin- it isn't Valentine's Day!
What trickery is this? Are TIME SHENANIGANS afoot?!

>>38071881
>>Agree with Mokarin- it isn't Valentine's Day!
I'm not sure why we would agree, but this seems like the option that promises the most fun.

>>38072150
Because it's the third of August

>>38071916
>>38072124
>>38072150
>It's not Valentine's Day!

>>38072060
Press the shiny flat button

Okay, writing!

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You frown. “But... Mokarin's right. It's not Valentine's Day.”

Mato nuzzles her cheek against the back of your head. “Et tu, Akari?”

Fate gives you a concerned look and tightens her embrace around Mokarin. “Did something happen to you guys while you were out there...?”

“No,” Mokarin says, “but I am concerned about your mental state.”

You lean into Mato's embrace. “Today is August 3rd. Right?”

Mato nods. “Yep.”

“And Valentine's Day is the 14th of February, is it not?”

Yuu nods and gives you a thumbs-up. “It is,” she mutters.

Mokarin sees what you're doing, and looks Fate in the eyes. “Valentine's Day comes around only once per year, correct?”

Fate's head bobs up and down- presumably, she's trying to nod without breaking eye contact- and she says, “That's true.”

Mokarin glances at you, then looks back into Fate's eyes. “August is later in the year than February. Thus, this year has already had its Valentine's Day, and it cannot be Valentine's Day again, correct?”

Fate grins and pulls Mokarin into her lap. “That's true, too, love.”

“So,” you say, “because it can only be Valentine's Day once a year, and Valentine's Day has already come and gone this year, it isn't Valentine's Day today. Right?”

Yuu-chan tilts her head at your statement and blinks. “But it /is/ Valentine's Day today...”

Mato and Fate both chime in their agreements. “Akari,” Mato asks, whispering softly into your ear, are you sure you're alright? You're really starting to worry me...”

…

You... don't know how to respond to that.
…

How do you respond to that?
>Stare blankly.
>(Write-in!)

>>38073089
>Whatever, it's an excuse to cuddle

>>38073089
>Stare blankly.
>Ok. Everyone is acting weird. Didn't that vampire girl say it was Valentine's Day too? Maybe its some sort of mental influence?
>[jk] Maybe you can Burn the Mental Influence away...?

>>38073089
>Tickle time.

>>38073089
>>38073136
Sure, backing.

>>38073136
>>38073727
>Cuddle

>>38073220
Everyone is crazy. What the f-

>>38073327
Tickle tickle~

Writing!
Sorry for the delay, I got pulled into a nonsensical conversation.
At least it was situationally appropraite?

You sigh, and make a promise to Mokarin that you'll look into this later if it becomes a problem.

Until then, though...

You slip off of Mato's lap and into the seat beside her, something made easy by her lithe form, and turn away from her, draping your legs over the chair's arm so you can lean back into her lap. Mato doesn't fail to notice this, and she mimics the action, holding you up above the chair-and herself- during the process.

Once she's in the same position you were just in, she turns you over and lets you back down, such that you're lying on top of her, face-to-face, nose-to-nose. She wraps her arms around your lower back, you wrap your legs around her, and, realizing she can't wrap her legs around you, she reaches up, drapes her twintails over you, and returns her hands to your-

You let out a surprised 'eep' sort of sound as her hands find their way to your... posterior... and give it a squeeze.

“A~ka~ri~” she sing-songs, punctuating each syllable with a kiss- left cheek, forehead, then right cheek, respectively.

Embarrassed, you whisper-murmur, “M-Mato... we- we're not the only ones here!”

She grins, “Yuu-chan's taking notes, Fate and Mokarin are cuddling and holding hands...” She slides her hands back up to your lower back and continues, “and... I love you~!”

You give her a peck on the lips. “I know.” You sigh. You could swear this gets more embarrassing every time you say it. “I love you, too.”

[1/2]

“... Yuu-chan isn't really taking notes, is she?”

Mato makes a face at you. “Oh, so you don't believe me, now?” She pouts “This isn't what I got into this relationship for! You're not the girl I fell in love with! I want a divorce!”

You counter her pout with a pout of your own. “Fine. But I'm taking your coat with me!”

She gasps. “You wouldn't! Take my underwear instead!”

… You blink.

That... that almost seemed like an actual reaction.

…

“You... you really love that coat, don't you?”

Mato nods. “It's essential to my look, y'know?”

…

You try imagining Mato without the coat. It's... odd. Sure, she takes it off a lot- like right now, where the only thing between chest and the outside world is that tiny bikini she wears- but she always /has/ it.

It's like... a part of who she is. Just like the pigtails. And her tummy.

…

“Why would you take my coat?”

You clear your throat. “Oh, um... no reason?”

She squints at you. “Akari...”

You sigh. “Bait.”

“Huh?”

“Bait. I'd use it as bait. To... to lure you back.”

Mato blushes, makes a happy noise, sings your name, then kisses you. “You can marry me as many times as you want~!”

>“Once is fine!”
>“... no, really, is Yuu-chan taking notes?”
>“You're the one who's gonna marry me.”
>“... you'd better take responsibility!”
>Something else? (Write-in!)

A thought occurs... if everybody's been mind-whammied or the like, then there must be someone responsible for all this. Which means they're controlling Mato, which is frankly unacceptable. And when we find them, there's really only one appropriate response, given the supposed date. We know what we must do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fUJ6LehQ3I

>>38075215
>“... you'd better take responsibility!”
Well somebody's gotta, and it sure as hell ain't gonna be /tg/.

>>38075215
>>“... you'd better take responsibility!”
Echoing the same sentiment, Akari is not always the responsible sort.

>>38075215
>“... you'd better take responsibility!”

>>38075215
>“Once is fine!”

>>38075272
>>38075302
>>38075372
>Take responsibility!

>>38075522
The divorces aren't necessary!

Okay, writing!

>>38075810
I gotta sleep so thanks for running!

What does Mato even keep in her coat? Does it even have pockets?

>>38076208
Random junk, mostly. It has lots of pockets!

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“... you'd better take responsibility.”

She smiles. “I wouldn't dream of doing anything but.”

“Please feel free to dream of whatever you like.”

“What if I don't want to dream anything else?”

You pause. You hadn't expected that response. “Then... you should broaden your horizons.”

Mato smirks, in the sort of mischievous fashion you've never believed her to be capable of. “Are you saying I should dream more freely, Akari, my love?”

…

You hesitate to answer, slightly afraid as to what she'll say next.

But, after a few moments of being face to face with Mato, wearing a confident, self-assured grin, you find yourself wanting to hear it.

“Yes, I'm saying you should dream whatever you wish.”

“I see.” Her grin widens. “Would it be acceptable, then, for me to dream more freely about you? Or perhaps... you and I?”

… She's definitely up to something. “I suppose it would, yes.”

“Splendid! It would be fine, then, were I to dream untoward dreams? Dreams, shall we say, of myself taking certain... liberties... with you, my darling?”

…

“Nope. Nevermind. Take responsibility in your dreams, too.”

She brings her lips to your ear and whispers, “But... what if I can't help myself?”

…

>Lament that you are now ruined for marriage.
>Insist that she mustn't dream untoward things! It's far too untoward!
>[LEWD] Hold hands. [/LEWD]
>Inform her that such dreams won't be necessary. Thereby ruining yourself for marriage.
>Kiss her. T-to make her stop talking that is! I-it's just convenient!
>Something else? (Write-in!)

>>38076709
>Inform her that such dreams won't be necessary. Thereby ruining yourself for marriage.
It's not ruining if we're going to marry the ruiner.

>>38076761
It's still ruining, anon.
You're used goods!
It's a sort of "You break it, you buy it" policy!

>>38076788
That's me, by the way. My trip dropped. Looks like 4chanX updated again.

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Well, it seems like the thread's pretty much dead.

Goodnight, anyone who might still be lurking here, and thanks for participating.

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