EPISODE 3LAST TIME ON QUEST QUEST>You are Brad, a powerful barbarian with a thirst for battle>You've come across a grand tournament and decided to join in, armed with only a Pizza Cutter and a KnightAND NOW YOU'RE UP TO DATE
>Episode 1http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/38853924/>Episode 2http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/38878461/
Reginald, the giant masketta man stands before you looking quite buff. Oblyx, the High Prince running the tournament, claimed that this is the previous years champ. Tough luck getting matched with him first. I mean, look at that mask.Look at that speedo
>>39034654try to avoid looking at the speedo fail and look at the speedo
>>39034654We all know that the only way to truly defeat a luchador is to remove his mask, shaming him in front of all.The speedo is, in it's own way, also a mask. Attempt to pants that motherfucker so the crowd will have no choice but to giggle at the once-champion like thousands of schoolchildren.
>>39034654Low blow the pants him and shove his speedo down his throat.
BUT HEY, YOU'RE BRAD GOD DAMMIT. No one is buffer than you. You're the buffest. A buffet of buffness. Buff to the touch. You've got this.The knight panics beside you>"S-SIR! Please let me go! I'm not supposed to be in the tournament, I'm just a hired hand! Sir this is highly irregular!"
>>39034799Unfortunately, all you see is a talking slice of pizza in the knight's place and hear it chanting;>"YES! YES LETS FIGHT! THE WILL OF CHEESE DEMANDS IT!"You're god damn looney, but oh well. >WHAT DO?
>>39034824Lowblow Reginald with the pizza then cutter him up!
>>39034824Lock eyes with our fated foe and initiate the flex-off; the customary dominance contest in the world of big guys.
>>39034824Offer a prayer to Cheesus Crust and see if he offers any advice.
>>39034824Do this >>39034883
>>39034824Become momentarily sane enough for a single strike!
>>39034824Challenge Reginald to a flex off, if this fails,pants him.
>>39034968>>39034898>>39034883HOW DARE HE TRY TO BE BUFFER THAN YOU.You know what this means. With cold determination, you flex. You flex your god damned heart out. Look at those muscles.LOOK AT THAT BODY, MCMAHON.
>>39035199The crowd cheers at your body. But not all are cheering.Reginald looks taken aback. Offended even!
>>39035224And with a grunt, he leans over and flexes every god damned muscle he has. Back muscles. Boob muscles. Belly button muscles. His body turns into a tight, veiny mass of raw strength. The crowd gasps... and cheers even harder at him.Looks like you lost the flex-off. >WHAT DO YOU DO??!
>>39035258accuse him of holding back and try to get him to flex so hard he explodes
>>39035258SNEAK ATTACK! RIP HIS MASK OFF!
>>39035258Lowblow him while he's posing, then pants him and stuff the speedo down his mouth. Then Rip his mask off.
>>39035258have your pizza flex with you as well to double your flexing prowess
>>39035258Don't get too broken up over it, Brad. It's obvious that we're still the manlier specimen because we've got body hair and he doesn't.
>>39035258Accuse him of using magical steroids.
Anyone else remember Huge Quest? I do. And what we must do is clear. Pantsing him is not it.Also after we win or lose the tournament we should go on a quest to find our sanity. Or at least a way to get rid of the spooky ghost.
>>39035360First thing we have to do after we WIN the tournament is pay off the weapons merchant. We're NOT going back to jail again.
>>39035464But we kinda hit him over the head. That's assault and battery. We're fucked unless we pay him back double.
>>39035493alright then well pay him 30 gold and we'll advertise his weaponstand or something.
>>39035258Yell that he can do better than that and use the distraction to cut his muscles off his body
>>39035317You run up to him while he's distracted by his own muscles. He looks up, quite surprised!
>>39035766And with a quick jump, you're on top of him, hands gripped around his mask and pulling with all your might! The crowd gasps, knowing that all of Reginald's pride is in that mask!
>>39035785His willy's in the mask? What?
>>39035785And the crowd falls silent as you rip the mask from his head, holding it triumphantly in the air.Now lets see what ugly mug that mask was hiding...
>>39035804Well, why do you think he wears it, after all.
>>39035828MY GOD. HE WAS PREPARED! Another mask lay underneath the first mask. He does not look too happy about what you just did. >WHAT DO YOU DO??
>>39035785His teeth are so sharp...>>39035855Cut him into small triangular slices.
>>39035855wear the mask
>>39035855Shoe's untied lowblow trick.
>>39035855WEAR. HIS. MASK.
>>39035891>>39035904>>39035907You hear the voices, OP.WEAR THE MASK.
>>39035855Put the mask on the pizza as a topping/trophy of battle
>>39036098You immediately put on the mask. You've earned it bud. You really have. And the audience seems to like it.
>>39036270And the audience cheers even harder as Reginald chokes the everloving shit out of you.I mean, wow. He's really choking you. Look at that.>WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39036298tenderly rub and admire his muscles
>>39036298CHOKE HIS BALLS
>>39036298Claw his eyes out
>>39036298Choke his arms, so they suffocate and drop us, and them... CHALLENGE HIM TO A DANCE CONTEST!!
>>39036328Small circles around his nipples.It's perfect. He'll be so surprised.
>>39036298Poke his eyes! Then rip them off with his mask!
>>39036298Flex our neck muscles.Flex them like we mean it.
>>39036298lift his arms off your neck
>>39036374>>39036343Woah! What a dirty move! You're able to shove your fat little fingers into his eyeballs. With a horrifying scream, he releases you! The crowd goes wild!
>>39036681With Reginald screaming and crying, you're able to get a moment to get your breath back! But don't spend too much time breathing! There are more important things to do!Aren't there?!>WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39036701PROVE THY STRENGTH, THROW HIM INTO THE SUN!
>>39036701Yes, remove another mask.
>>39036716I second we at least attempt this
>>39036701The art looks different than usual in some of these
>>39036701remove the speedo
>>39036716DRILL ELBOW, TO THE UNIVERSE AND ABOVE!!
>>39036701LOWblow, the remove keba- I mean mask. Then wear it.
>>39036701When he comes to, make him flex hard enough to have a brain aneurism and his head explode.
>>39036701whack him with the broad side of your pizza cutter and send him flying out of the stadium, having you win by means of ring out.
>>39036767At last, now is your chance! With a running jump, you leap forth and tear down his trousers! The crowd gasps! Mothers cover their children's eyes! The local poofs lean in closer in anticipation! This, surely, will be the final blow to his ego!
>>39037017M-my god.... This man came prepared for everything. You might as well give up now. It's not like you can win. He's too buff. Too prepared. 2 cool 4 school.>SO? WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39037017...He's wearing doubles, isn't he?
>>39037044Ask the pizza for advice
>>39037044Throw the pizza at him.
>>39037044give him the biggest wedgie the world will ever see using the spedo you already have im your hands
>>39037044headbutt his penis
>>39037044remove his muscles
>>39037044This man is way cool. Like cold pizza cool for breakfadt cool. And we are hungry. >USE PIZZA CUTTER
>>39037044His legs are tied! Mess him up!
>>39037097seconding dual wedgie. two speedos mean twice the wedgies!
>>39037125With cunning precision, you hoist the man's speedo up, rocketing it toward his crack. The combined force of both the wedgies is enough to send a shockwave of energy across the arena!
>>39037496Reginald screams out in pain! His poor buttocks will probably never be unwedged again. Say goodbye to going to the bathroom without any medical help!
>>39037524He returns the pain right back to you, kicking you right in the butt and sending you flying across the field. Maybe you can use this time to think about the choices you've made. Probably not a good idea to give a man a wedgie in front of a live audience. Sounds kinda mean, doesn't it? Makes you sound like a mean old bully. Maybe you shoul- Oh hey! Theres the ground.
>>39037496hissatsu: 8 equal pieces
>>39037565You slide to a stop in the dirt, just in time to see the knight nervously creeping away.>QUICK! WHAT DO?
>>39037583Grab knight and toss into Regi!
>>39037583Grab his cape, look him sternly in the eye, and say "SIT."
>>39037583wear his capeuh I mean his crust
>>39037583What Knight? There's only our trusty Pizza shield.Time to get serious. Imagine the Lucha as a Unsliced pizza and do what comes naturally.
>>39037583Grab shield, grab cutter. GO HOG WILD
>>39037583Grab his ankle, lift hip up and use him to wipe off the dirt from our body like a towel.
>>39037646This is an idea that can only go well.
>>39037583do >>39037602 while yelling "EAT THIS"
I bet his clothes are no match for a pizza cutter
>>39037908His muscles might be.
You'll have none of that now! You grab the knight by their cape and yank them over, prompting a high pitched yelp from the frightened knight!
>>39038061Finally, equipped with your pizza shield and the cutter, you're ready for battle. Nothing stands in your way. Not even...
>>39038088A GIANT, ANGRY UNSLICED PIZZA!THIS IS IT, FRIEND. THE FINAL CONFRONTATION!>WHAT DO?!
>>39038098Throw pizza slice at pizza yelling Eat this so it can become a double pizza, Then cut it apart for food!
>>39038098CUT AND KILL
>>39038098CUT THAT SHIT OUT
>>39038098the question is... 4 slices or 8?
>>39038098Use the shield to block his attacks and kill him.
>>39038098Cut it! Also...>>39038061>Suspiciously avoiding pronouns.
>>39038219Neither. Cut him into squares
>>39038243pizza does not have pronouns anon
>>39038255You deranged monster!
>>39038140>>39038209You grab your tools and charge at the pizza, full run. Your shield cheers you on! Definitely not screaming for help and pleading to be let go. Nope! Cheers of support!
The Large Luchador Pizza charges right back, eyes burning with anger! Little does he know what cheesey fate awaits him! The crowd goes silent!
>>39038398He's getting ready to swing with the other hand, isn't he.
AND IN A FLASH, YOU PASS EACHOTHER IN THE AIR
>>39038642And land across the arena from each other.A blow was made... someone was hit... but who?You could cut the tension with a knife. Or a pizza cutter. The crowd is silent.
>>39038670And just like that, the Pizza is cut into cheesy little slices; each one falling to the ground as you smirk in satisfaction. You hear cries of horror from the audience. Its like they've never seen Pizza before. Weird.>WHAT DO?
>>39038693EAT THE PIZZA
>>39038693BELLOW YOUR VICTORY TO THE HEAVENS!DEMAND MORE!
>>39038693Offer the duke a slice while you eat one yourself!
>>39038693>You hear cries of horror from the audience.Probably just worried that they might not get a piece. There are only six slices, after all.
>>39038693Rub the cheese all over yourself
>>39038730Actually wait, there are 7. I guess I was already mentally allocating one for ourselves to celebrate glorious victory with a pizza party.How the fuck did he cut it into 7 pieces anyway? I guess we multiclassed into Wizard or something.
>>39038693Bask in the glory of victory!
>>39038693toss the slices into the crowd! Free Pizza!
>>39038693Eat the pizza to regain forces
>>39038755Clearly the so-called knight is one of the slices
>>39038827Trying to disguise themselves and slip away, eh? Clever. We chose our shield well.
>>39038860Hope you enjoy the pizza.
>>39038755He had to have cut it from the middle out.Not impossible, but difficult.
I love you so much OP.
we really shouldn't forget to get those speedos. they match our mask.
>>39039264Nah, man. That shit is so far up his ass, it's gonna take the jaws of life to get out of there.
>>39039264>>39039365The speedos are probably cut in several pieces too
>>39038732>>39038730You show the audience the beautiful, cheesy winnings! You hear them groan and wretch. Probably because they're not eating it right now!
>>39039679So you show them! Show them all. It's so cheesy and delicious. Tho, it tastes kind of metallic...Whatever. Looks like you win!
OP, if not a trip, you should probably at least put on a name.
The audience claps hesitantly as High Prince Oblyx leans forward, laughing.>"Haha, wow. That was disgusting. But it looks like last years champion is no more. We'll send his family some money. I'm just kidding, they won't get shit!"The audience warms up and laughs and cheers.>"Anyways, round 2 will start in a bit. You there, champion. Go rest up or whatever.">WHAT DO YOU DO?
>>39039706rejoice with your gear, especially the shield with it's morale support.
This is the most vicariously stupid quest I've ever been a part of.And I love it.
>>39039751Rest is for the weak, demand another fight and throw him the round pizza peice
>>39039751Take pizza and go enjoy the other pizza. Maybe find a complementary wench to vent our lust on.
>>39039751ask some attendant where the cleaning area is and bathe there, also don't forget to maintain your weapon and shield in between scrubbing.
>>39039751Give this nice man a slice of pizza. He can't reach it from his balcony, so Brad throws it.
>>39039791seconding finding a wench to plow while enjoying our trusty shield pizza.
>>39039791You head on into the champion locker room, hoping to find a wench in there to plow. The Pizza shield whimpers in your arms as you walk forth
>>39040088You arrive to find that it quite literally is a locker room. And noticeably wenchless. It does smell like ass, though. So thats a thing. You could wait here, explore, search for a wench, or whatever.
>>39040110Talk with pizza shield, seduce it
>>39040110Oh, also you see this thing. Whatever this is.
>>39040110Converse with pizza shield.>>39040131Ask it to read thingie to you.
>>39040131Get Pizza Shield to read the paper.Then find wenches to plow.
>>39040110clean ourselves together with our pizza buddy, don't forget to take off it's toppings.If we have gods, thank them in prayer.
>>39040131STARE HARDER, MAKE IT TELL YOU IT'S SECRETS THROUGH INTIMIDATION
>>39040131Somebody drew a bunch of crabs, I guess? Cool.
>>39040220>>39040143You push the Pizza toward the poster, urging it to read the strange squiggles on it.
>>39040409Frightened, the Knight reads the list to you. Looks to be the challenger list for the tournament!I wonder who all of these could be???
>>39040456hold up a fucking second, you ACTUALLY had register on the richter scale to get into the tournament? These are some serious condenders.
>>39040456Quite interesting. With this knowledge... >WHAT DO?
>>39040516We need to go apologize to the merchant from before and hope he has a crab-cracker. That or we ask Steve the Pizza what he knows.
>>39040544Pizza tell me about the others. Also where get crabcracker?
>>39040544This. Also set up a deal where he lends you his arsenal while you shill his wares.
>>39040541Take off that mask.
>>39040456Enter the showers, and prepare a bucket of hot water with which to boil our enemy.
>>39040456clearly we need to rummage around for a more suitable weapon. Not everything is going to be pizza.How about a giant crab cracker?
wait wasn't orc brad's name gnuknuk? this could be his older brother.
>>39040593>>39040611After taking off the mask, you walk into the shower and get a bucket of hot water; the crabs worst nightmare!
>>39040672You turn to Pizza Shield and ask it about a cracker. Perhaps one that specializes in crabs...
We need some Old Bay spice.
>>39040827>"Well..." The knight begins>"I mean... I can check the armory??"THATS SOMETHING, AT LEAST!>WHAT DO YOU DO?
>>39040895"Take off your helmet it makes you look like a girl."
>>39040895Remove cheese from pizza! (armor in actuality) then check armory.
>>39040895Lead the way friend pizza.
>>39040895Follow him(?) to the armory.
>>39040919>removing cheese froma pizzabut it wont even be a pizza then, just some bread with sauce on top.
>>39040895New plan. Go get the largest maul from the armory and the largest iron pot from the kitchens. We're boiling Crabs tonight.
>>39040895Yeah! What a totally trustworthy and loyal ally who definitely isn't trying to find an excuse to run away!
>>39040914Back up. Was Knight confirmed as a guy yet?
>>39040965nope, not like it matters though as in character he sees him/her as a pizza which do not have genders.
>>39040965Pizza doesn't have a gender, idiot.
>>39040982Yeah, course I wonder how much Brad loves pizza. Are you a bad enough dude to fuck a pizza?
>>39041004well pizza can be quite sexual if Escape from Sex Zoo has taught me anything.
>>39040914>"O-oh. Sorry."Pizza Shield says, taking off the helmet. Or crust. To be honest, I have no fuckin clue what you're seeing.
>>39041134>"Any way, the armory is right here."You're lead over to a door marked "Armory">"I have to warn you, it's pretty bare bones. I doubt you'll find what you need."You inch closer and peer inside...
>>39041156Well. It IS pretty bare bones.I'm not sure if you'll even want anything in here.>DO YOU?
>>39041183Looks like CRAB is back on the menu boys!Next get a massive iron cauldron to boil the crabs in. Unless we're about to fight against crabs the std which is a lot less exciting.
>>39041183Obtain the Crab Cracker and reward our new squire with a slap on the rear.Wait...We pat the crust for good luck?
>>39041221A shield can't be a squire can it?
>>39041183Obtain the weapon that looks like a large shell cracker.
>>39041183All the things.ALL THE THINGS.
>>39041183...Huh, whaddaya know.Cracker is a sure bet, but I wanna grab the wibbley dagger too so we've got a surprise up our loincloth in case things get dicey. no, not that.
>>39041236It's customary to strike your shield with weapon or hand if you're chanting, as a soldier.Apropros?
>>39041183get the thing that looks like a crab cracker Then find out its just a bolt cutter
>>39041183GRAB THAT AXE YOU FOOL
>>39041309>>39041247>>39041221YES! You've found a large crab cracker! Perfect to go with your giant pizza cutter.You're getting quite the armory!Now you're ready for round 2. And I hear the horns a-blowin'. Are you ready?Are you pumpedTUNE IN NEXT TIMELuv u guise
>>39041389thanks for running
>>39041389Question: Where do we keep the pizza cutter?
>>39041389NO WE FORGOT THE BUTTER!I seriously hope pizza is a reverse trap because that hits so many of my fetishes
>>39041389>That look of utter insanity.You have done so well in this OP
Someone archive pls
>>39041389 Luv u bae <3
>>39041389archived, as alwaysy-you too