EPISODE 4LAST TIME ON QUEST QUEST>You are a Barbarian named Brad!>Equipped with a giant pizza cutter and mild bouts of hallucinations, you've entered a grand tournament!>You've "befriended" a skittish knight who you see as pizza and use as a shield!>During round 1, you defeated last years champion; a luchador named 'Reginald'! AND NOW YOU'RE UP TO DATE
>Episode 1http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/38853924/>Episode 2http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/38878461/>Episode 3http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/39034579/
>"Well now!"Oblyx, the High Prince and coordinator of the tournament, cries out.>"Round 1 seemed to start off even better than last year! What say we keep this thing going?"The crowd cheers and hollers!
You hear all of this from the shadows of the gate opening up to reveal the arena!>"Let's bring on out our surprise contender!"Oblyx says.The crowd goes wild as you step into the light!
The crowd cheers and screams in their eagerness! A nervous knight walks beside you onto the arena!And I see you have that handy shell crusher from the armory on your back, along with your trusty pizza cutter.Ok, kid. You're out in the open, round 2 looming before you! >WHAT DO?!
>>39116282Bang our crab cracker on our pizza shield in anticipation of the fight.
>>39116282Flex. It is how we shall always enter the arena.
>>39116282Flex and fuse our weapons with sheer manliness!
>>39116282flex it, gotta show them guns
>>39116324>>39116480You immediately strike a pose, pushing your hairy muscles outward in an impressive way.The crowd goes nuts! You are truly in pique human form!
>>39116520To knight"So, how is your sex life?"
As the crowd dies down, Oblyx clears his throat>"He truly is in pique human form!"He states, grandiosely.>"But what happens when his foe is not human..."The crowd goes completely silent as the main gate opens
>>39116559Also we need some of this stuff
>"but CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABS?!"And out from the shadows of the gate, an enormous pile of bright red crabs pours out.Horns blare and the audience goes absolutely fucking nuts.Likeholy shitthese people really like crabs.WELL. HERES YOUR OPPONENT. OPPONENTS? WHATEVER>WHAT DO?!
>>39116601well weve got a crab cracker and weve got crabs i believe the answer is obvious
>>39116621Shit we have crabs? We need to get the special shampoo, stat!
>>39116601They're Cheating! Burn with rage and boil your foes over this charade!
>>39116601Boil them alive.
>>39116601USE THE SHELL CRUSHER
>>39116687>>39116717Holy shit, guy.You must REALLY hate crabs. What, did they kill your parents?Jesus christ, calm down man. The Knight looks on in fear and concern.Well, you're /boiling/ with rage now.>WHAT DO?!
>>39116866use your boiling face on the crabs
>>39116866CRAB BATTLE!!!BOIL them in their BLOOD
>>39116866Hurricane into the crabs with your smoking moves
>>39116866Hit their weak points for massive damage!
>>39116866Call to the crowd for an iron cauldron.
>>39116866Barbarian uses Raging whirlwind! It's super effective!
>>39116866Pizza Knight 2adorbsUNLEASH THE FEAST
>>39116884You quickly approach the crabs, seething with rage. You drop down to the ground, your face a mass of red, twisted muscle. Steam seems to pour from you. The crab looks up surprised!
>>39117191And with the nonchalance only a crustacean could possess, it lifts it's claw and pinches your eyeball.http://www.myinstants.com/instant/rules-of-nature/SO THAT HURT.LIKE HOLY FUCK OUCHLIKE NIGGA JESUS CHRIST>WHAT CAN YOU DO?!
>>39117223>USE SHELL CRUSHER
>>39117223an eye for an eye, pinch its eye
>>39117223this only fuels your now fire attuned Rage. start smashing with your crab cracker
>>39117223Pinch that motherfucker's eyestalk right back. Demonstrate our clear superiority in all things: being red, pinching, probably some other stuff.And close our other eye so as to be protected from a counterattack. Let's see a crab do THAT.
>>39117223Rage steam breath. after you pinch it's eye off and eat it.
>>39117308don't forget showing them how to properly crabwalk. also supporting.
>>39117291>>39117308Matching it's intensity, you reach out your hand and pinch the little eyestalk as hard as you can!Shockingly, it stays intact, and the little crab pinches even harder!
JESUS FUCK IT POPPED YOUR EYELeaking tears and blood, the pain becomes too unbearable as you make a hasty retreat, unable to stand the pain!
>>39117626The crowd goes wild at the crabs' successful attack! These peoples really like crabs. What the hell is up with that?Anyways. You've retreated back to the Knight! >WHAT DO?
>>39117642Dual wield whirlwind of rage and hate!
>>39117642Begin cracking the crabs open and tossing them to the crowd. They obviously love crab and would love to eat some. I mean they have been in those stands allllllllllll day...
>>39117626damn these crabs have homefield advantage. better take our pizza shield to protect from further attacks and start smashing.
>>39117642>USE THE SHELL CRUSHER
>>39117685You steel yourself and hold your hand out to the knight, who instinctively hands you the crab cracker without really thinking. You feel its weight in your hand.This is it.This is your moment.
>>39117642This guy is amazing
>>39118158With a running leap, and not really know how to use a crab cracker, you slam the utensil down onto the crab that pinched your eye, immediately crushing it into little crabby bits!
>>39117685You pick up a piece of carapace strewn about the ground and give it a toss to one of the crab fans. It bounces off his big dumb face with a loud "boink!"
Oh?! Whats this?! The crabs seem to be writhing in anger, making little angry crab noises whilst crawling over each other to get to you.Looks like the battle is truly on now.>WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39118178I love the facial expressions of your art. That look of udder insanity...
>>39118231Press the clear advantage we have and begin to hammer away at the pile with our crab crushers!!!
>>39118231Quickly ask our pizza how to use the crab cracker, then begin CRABMAGEDDON!
>>39118231>Smash the crabs
>>39118282We already know how to use it. But our pizza COULD sing us a song of valor to bolster our morale!
>>39118231Raging whirlwind of woe and wrath!
>>39118231DUAL WIELDCRAB CRACKER AND PIZZA CUTTERMAKE CRAB PIZZA
good lord i can't breathe, best chapter yet!
>>39118369They are crabs anon, not pizza. Why would we use the pizza cutter? Also, is anyone wondering if these aren't really crabs?
>>39118430I sometimes us my pizza cutter to crush garlic. crushing crabs shouldn't be too different.
>>39118653That and don't you usually get served crabs that get cut in half?
>>39118312You shout back, demanding a song be sung for your showdown! You seem to have startled the Knight, who lets out a small yelp!
>"Uhhh. Ummm... hurrah hurrah, crazy bald guy with no nose. Go go. Rah rah rah?"The Knight sings out, very hesitantly.It's not super confidence building, but it'll have to do!
>>39118328>>39118300With lightning quick speed, you start spinning around, becoming a blur! You gain so much momentum that you start bouncing off the ground like a high speed top, barreling toward the crab mass!
>>39118886But alas! A large crab leaps from the group, straight toward you. It's claws snap in the air as it flies into your path!You're going too fast!YOU'RE GONNA CRASH!!>WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39118904SPIN FASTER! it can't pinch you if you spin fast enough.
>>39118904Use your seething, boiling anger to boil it before it reaches you.
>>39118904CRUSH HIM BETWEEN OUR PECS!
>>39118904Boil rage steam breath attack, or it could be the fetid stench of luchador breath. Either will do.
>>39118904GOTTA SPIN FAST
>>39118942>>39118932You summon your pure hatred toward crabs! Your face turns bright red as steam and heat pour from your mouth!
>>39118932>>39118931These! Become a whirlwind of crab boiling rage!
>>39119240And in a flash, the crab is instantly transformed into a hot cooked meal, complete with butter and lemon!The crowd gasps in shock!The crabs do whatever crabs do when they're surprised!>WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?!
>>39119258Steaming whirlwind of rage and deliciousness go!
>>39119258>>39119240We are a steaming becomes of crab death! Boil the herd and enjoy the meal!
>>39119258It's time for THE FIRST ANNUAL TOURNAMENT CRAB BOIL!
>>39119258we have a weapon against them steam all the crabs.
>>39119308>>39119293You land in the middle of all the crabs!They part around you, their claws closing in on you!This is it, this could be the final show down! >WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39119600Get so angry at the crabs that you burst into flames. No one wants to fight the guy who's on fire.
>>39119600Eat them all.
>>39119600RAGE OVERLOAD STEAM AND FIRE EVERYWHERE ARGLBLARGLEARGLEBLARGLE!
>>39119600>Smash, we're a bradbarian, not a wizard with fancy fire magic
>>39119600announce that they will become toppings to the pizza gods.
>>39119600CUT THEIR FACES OFFTHIS KILLS THE CRABS
Your mind goes blankYou turn into an eating machine.All the crabs swarm you at oncepinching yousnapping at youclawing youIt takes every bit off effort to keep up, eating them in one or two bites
You feel them start to overtake you! One by one, crawling up your body, tearing at your flesh!This isn't looking good...
>>39120852WHILRDWIND! scatter them then pick them off one by one.
The crabs finally are able to completely cover you! All that is left is a hand, grasping at air!This is it. It looks like this might actually be the end.You have enough thought left in you for one action!>WHAT IS IT??
>>39120923activate your bradbarian true rage and WHIRLDWIND!
>>39120923FLEX THEM OFF. FLEX EVERYTHING.
>>39120923Whirlwind to end all whirlwind, channel the wind spirit like your ancestors did!
>>39120923Flex so hard you snap the shells
>>39120923FLEX LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER FLEXED BEFORE!
>>39120923FLEX YOUR MUSCLES.THIS KILLS THE CRAB.
>>39121119>>39121001>>39121000>>39120966WITH THE POWER OF THE BRADBARIAN, YOU FLEXAND I MEAN FLEXLIKE HOLY SHIT, THATS A LOT OF SWOLE You flex so hard it sends a shockwave through the crabs, crushing every single one. Even as they fly off your body, they snap midair once the power of the flex reaches them!
>>39121222I love it
>>39121222DO NOT WASTE TIME IN REVELRY CONSUME THEIR MEATY INNARDS FOR SUSTENANCE
>>39121315No! We must feed the crowd as they clearly came here for crab!!!
>>39121315SECONDED WE MUST RECUPERATE WITH DELICIOUS CRAB!
>>39121222The Knight stands in awe, mouth agape. Looks like you're the toughest thing they've ever seen.Looks like you have a fanboy.
You stand there in all of your glory, covered in meat and carapace as the crowd goes absolutely bananas.You've just beaten round 2. All thats left now is the final round.>QUICK. WHAT DO YOU DO?!
>>39121396DEMAND OLD BAY SO YOU CAN FEAST
>>39121396CONSUME CRABS TO GAIN THEIR STRENGTH
>>39121375Knight gender finally confirmed!
>>39121396Give the remaining crabs to the crowd!
>>39121438I mean they clearly came here for crab! Also these poor people seem to have not eaten at all today, and we are clearly a champion of the people!
>>39121396Rest and recover with your fanboy.
>>39121396>covered in [...] carapaceFUCKING. GENIUS.Slap together some menacingly pointy crabshell pauldrons.
>>39121424You immediately drop to your knees and start stuffing your face with the crab meat and shell.Eat up, bud. You earned it.Better also eat up, because it looks like you have your final battle up next.WHO WILL YOU FIGHT?!WHO WILL WIN?!?WHY ARE YOU SO GOD DAMNED CRAZY?FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON QUEST QUEST!g'night guisemwah
>>39121580thanks for the laughs.
>>39121580Man you and this quest are so fucking aces man, I love it. Have a great night and thanks for running.
>>39121580Thanks for running!
>>39121580It was a fantastic run OP, 10/10 would hunt and kill pizza with again.
>>39121580Love you <3
>>39121580Thanks for running. I like your art... Can I be your groupy?
>>39121718idk how ;_;
>>39121614>>39121624>>39121629>>39121643>>39121645>>39121651Thanks guys! Always fun!here have a B'raed
>>39122000Thanks, dude. See you later.