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>>39438531
You're suddenly hit with memories of the few times scholars and wizards have come to Bok. The thoughts bring a bitter taste to your mouth. They always act so SUPERIOR and so CLEVER and KNOWLEGEABLE! Fucking mages.

Still, if they're needed to keep this... thing running...

[2/2]

>>39438536
Wizards don't deserve cool things like this. Scholars are probably okay though.

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>>39438536
>>39438728

"Er... Well, maybe some scholars from the bigger towns know enough to keep you running? I don't think they usually build or repair things themselves, but they seem like our best bet..."

>Recommend heading to larger settlement to locate 'scholars' once operations in and around Bok are complete. Does the Commander posses more practical experience?<

>>39438978
Gathering plants. Avoiding dick fairies. You know, peasanty stuff.

Wow, /tg/ is slow tonight. Where is everyone?

>>39438978
this quest looks intresting?
>uh...no. I never did ride any giant golems.

>>39439338
>Wow, /tg/ is slow tonight. Where is everyone?
I dunno, last thread at least seemed more lively...

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>>39438978
>>39439338
>>39439483

"Er, I've never ridden a giant golem before, so no. I just gather plants, avoid dick fairies. You know, Peasant stuff."

>Nonetheless, regulations require that the commander possess a rudementary knowledge of the functioning of the combat platform. I recommend you ket me give you a tour of the major systems while we move towards the settlement. Do you accept?<

>>39439568
>I accept. if we wan this thing to work, obviously we need to know the basics of this thing. we may not do actual repairs ourselves, but knowing rudimentary knowledge about parts will help in deploying orders later when we need to.

>>39439568
>I dunno, is this gonna involve reading? I don't really like reading.

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>>39439568
>>39439613
>>39439655
"Er... Will this involve reading?"

>Negative. You will be shown the way to various installations, and I will explain their function.<

"Okay, then. I need to know how this thing works if I'm going to Command it, give out orders, get people to fix it up and somesuch."

>Please proceed out into the corridor.<

>>39439730
>follow while observing around

>>39439730
Oh boy a guided tour!

>This is probably going to all go over my head, but lets get it over with.

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>>39439730
"This'll probably go over my head, but let's get it over with."

>Acknowledged.<

A glowing orb, not unlike to... Glowy paper screen things you've been subjected to until now, appears in front of you.

>Power-saving Personality Avatar Engaged. Please follow me.<

[1/2]

>>39439820
>follow while trying to comprehend things you pass by

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>>39439820

>This is a folded-away ancillary workstation, for biological command assistance. It can be deployed if needed.<

"So... It's for helpers? Advisors?"

>Affirmative. Onwards.<

>>39439846

>Keep following, where's don't think about food. Don't think about food.

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>>39439846
You leave the control room, and find yourself back in the first hallway you encountered. A chilling breeze blows in from the skylight; this place is pretty high up by now.

>Time seems to have eroded parts of outer hull. Troubling. Repairs will be critical.<

Your stomach is starting to yearn to be filled. You should have been back in town, eating lunch, by now. You try to ignore it. You fail. You fantasize about food.

[1/2]

>>39439931
"So euhm, this floating orb-thingy... It ain't related to fairies, right?"

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>>39439931
>>39439999
>You may decide where we head next, Commander. I recommend you give each section at least a rudimentary check.<

"Er, sure... So, euhhm, you, flying orb-thingy... You're not related to fairies, right?"

>Negative. I am a hologrammatic projection representing the onboard computational personality. Now, where do you wish to go first?<

>>39440035
"Dunno, can't really make sense of dis map. Is there anywhere we can eat something? I'm hungry, aren't you hungry? ..."

>>39440054
seconding this.
looks quite in-character for me.

>>39440035
(I'd love to join you again today OP, but I've got stuff to do. Have fun and stay away from elves!)

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>>39440035
>>39440054
"Dunno, can't really make sense of dis map. Is there anywhere we can eat something? I'm hungry, aren't you hungry? ..."

>There should still be some ration supplies in the depots... Yes, logs say there are. I don't know what state they'll be in, but... We can see. We'll look at the crew quarters on the way.<

(>>39440085
That's cool, man. Thanks for your time. Have a good day!)

>>39440098
>Good I don't even know what some of these words even mean, you told me there'd be no reading.

>>39440098
This AI seems very friendly.

I wonder if it's also frustrated.

>>39440134
If it had any emotions it would be rolling it's eyes every ten seconds.

>>39440134
ust ask it if it can get frustrated.

And apologise if it is.
Atleast it's still polite.
Unlike the merchants..

>>39440098
>(all this is making me confused)
>sure, show me
inb4 he chokes on emergency rations and states that someone put clay in it rather than rations
>>39440143
heh
>>39440150
>Unlike the merchants.
at least the AI is not boastful or full of itself, like the big merchants, scholars, or wizards

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>>39440098
>>39440117

"Good I don't even know what some of these words even mean, you told me there'd be no reading."

The AI slows down in the air for a few seconds, as if processing something. When it speaks again, it does it a bit more slowly.

>...Re-evaluation of mental deficiency complete.... Results inconclusive... Which words, precisely, are causing you difficulties, Commander?<

>>39440166
I've never been taught to read. So... all of them.

>>39440166
>...a lot of it. I'm just a peasant, and I don't know how to read much.

>>39440166
>Well, Re-ak-tor for one, I don't know what one of those are. And what's an imp-lace-mint?

>>39440166
Well... I know what 'you' means.

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>>39440166
"I've never been taught to read... so all of them."

The Avatar stops for a while, it's tail drooping down. Strange graphical glitches appear of its surface.

>...Error...Error...Error... Apologies, commander. I am afraid we do not have time to explain all the words. I am a magical floating, talking ball that lives in this golem. That is all you need to know.<

>Ah, look! We're coming up to the crew quarters!<

For some reason, the ball's voice seems relieved.

>>39440262
Is there a kitchen here?
A bakery maybe?

>>39440262
>For some reason, the ball's voice seems relieved.
kek
>try to find food that any previous crew has left behind. also, look around.

(Gotta go for 20 mins, choppin' carrots like a plebeian)

>>39440262

>I think I upset it. Is this where the N-jinn-ears are going to sleep?

>>39440308
carrots?

>>39440308
See you when you get back OP.

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>>39440262
>>39440331

>And here is an example of a crew barracks room. Six personnel units, nice and efficient, with adequate recreational items.<

>>39440318
(What's weird about carrots?)

>>39440563
"What are those things at the table?" And what are those brightly colored things?

>>39440563
>What's on that table, lets take a closer look.

>>39440563
put our hand on the beds just to test the comfort.

>>39440563
>inspect closely

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>>39440563
You move up to the table and examine the strange, colourful items. They're made of a material you've never seen before- lifting one up, you find it to be strangely light and somewhat translucent. You can't fathom what they could be used for. Each side has a different symbol or number of dots on it. Curious.

>>39440744
pocket them

>>39440744
>move on
let's get on with it. these objects seems unimportant.

>>39440563
Check for important things. Scraps of paper, journals, game maps and miniatures.

>>39440744
>Take them with you, they might be important to the operation of the ship. Also were those little men over there?

>>39440744
Bring them with us. We might not understand what these are, but the ball might help us.

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>>39440613
You test a bed, and gasp aloud; it's heavenly compared to the wooden plank you sleep on back home. So... Soft, like it sucks your hand in...

You stand there, surprised for a little while, while the sprite hovers nearby.

Finally, you tear yourself away and look back to the table, pocketing the colourful, strange cuboids.

What the hell are these little men?

>>39440860
let's ask the floating ball of fun about these strange items and their uses.

>>39440860
>Oh man these are SO COOL! Make them fight each other.

>>39440860
ask floatyball what these are for.

>>39440871
Seconding. Also ask how to make them, and if it can. Also ask for entertainment, we're gonna need it for a while.

[spoilers]Hope the orb plays a game of DnD with us, or at least chess[/spoilers]

>>39440860
Seconding. Also ask how to make them, and if it can. Also ask for entertainment, we're gonna need it for a while.

[spoilers]Hope the orb plays a game of DnD with us, or at least chess[/spoilers]

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>>39440871
Boom! Pow! Whoom! Hah, this is SO COOL!

>...Reevaluating probability of mental deficiency... Commander, our time is not unlimited. We must proceed.<

"Er, right, sorry, floatyball... Say, what are these for?"

>They are used in the recreational game 'GnG', 'Gardens and Golems', as are the dice in your pocket.<

"...Can we make more of them?"

>We have the necessary manufactories, yes. They are back in the workshops, and can produce such small items easily if they have the necessary materials.<

"Is there... more... entertainment like this? I- er, the crew will need it."

>Affirmative. There are many such... games available, though I do not understand the appeal it has to organics.<

>>39440972
>move on
come on guys, let's get the tour done before the thread ends/we reach the town.

>>39440972
>Alright, lets get to the depots and get some food already.

>>39441017
These statues might become central to the plot though, we need to understand them.

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>>39441017
>>39441022
>>39441030
"Alright, let's go to the depots and get some food already."

Discreetly pocketing the figurines, you move on.

>Here is your stateroom.<

>>39441058
yes yes very fancy, I'm gettting very hungry here mr. golem fairy.

>>39441030
really? okay then.
>>39441058
test the bed.
and admire the bed-hey what's that floating numbers?

>>39441058
>Sit in that chair.

>>39441058
YAY!

Glad to see you back Peasant!

>>39441058
Stand on the chair to check for traps.

>>39441058
Sit in the chair, and ask what those numbers means.

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>>39441145
>>39441086
>>39441099
>>39441087
>>39441075
(Okay, gotta go get lunch. Be back in a bit. Seeya.)

"What the hell is this thing?"

>An interactive data holodisplay.<

"What?"

>It tells you stuff.<

>>39441205
>tell me stuff? like what?
>search around for anything that is edible

>>39441205
See you again.

>>39441205
So what do those numbers mean? You aren't answering my question/

>>39441205
>>39441238
>>39441259
>>39441284

"Tell me stuff? Like what?"

>The time, the current status of the Golem, books from the library core... <

"So... what do these numbe-"

>They're the time. Now, come, we must move on.<

The glowing blob starts moving towards the door, and you get up to follow it.

Wait.

What was that.

On the table. Just lying there. You can smell it, if barely.

You're not sure what it is... But it's food.

FOOD.

>Commander?- COMMANDER! NO! THAT CHOCOLATE HAS BEEN CULTIVATING BACTERIA FOR 1,300 YEARS!<

You barely hear it.

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>>39441528
(Forgot pic)

>>39441528
well shit.
>drop food in surprise, it suddenly tastes sour.

>>39441536
>It's already in my mouth.

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>>39441584
>>39441536
The Personality's words reach you just as you bite in to the bar of dark, sugary goodness. You freeze for a moment.

One the one hand, you understand that this thing is full of disease and may well kill you, as evidenced by the sour aftertaste of decay.

On the other hand, it's the best, most glorious thing you have ever tasted.

Roll for managing to tear yourself away from it.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>39441646

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>39441646

>>39441651
I love myself, sometimes.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>39441646
bad peasant.

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>>39441651
>>39441655
>>39441678

(Lucky bastards.)

You just manage to pull the deliciously dangerous snack out of your mouth. Hopefully, you won't get poisoned or anything. Is that how it works? Oh, well.

>Commander... Time is passing...<

>>39441701
Ok you ball of fun let's get some not poison food.

Rolled 10, 3 = 13 (2d20)

>>39441701
>oops. soory. let's go!
>(walk at a faster pace, and look around too.)

>>39441701
>>39441736

>More like ball of no fun. Follow that thing to the real food already.

(I was hoping for some chocolate induced trip.)

>>39441791
>(I was hoping for some chocolate induced trip.)
bad anon.

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>>39441701
"Oops, sorry. Let's go!"

You and the Ball of Fun head off again. You go down narrow, twisting corridors, stairways and passageways. Every now and again, there's a missing brick or crumbling wall that shows strange, incomprehensible pipes and wiring.

>The Depots are down here. Not far, now. Have the dietary needs of humans changed much in the last millenium?<

>>39441873
"What's a millenium? Is it something to do with birds of prey?"

>>39441882
come on, we're not that retarded.
>>39441873
uh, we just eat bread. Made from wheat. Or cooked rice.

>>39441873
>How long is a millennium? Also what's this about dietary needs, I mostly just eat whatever we bake or catch.

>>39441873
>I eat what I can get.

>>39441882
>>39441930
Pls guys, lets not be that thick.

>>39441899
(for fluff's sake, I would have put it a lot of things like cabbages and carrots, barley, and so on, but this guy doesn't look like a descriptive guy)

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>>39441899
>>39441945
>come on, we're not that retarded.
>Pls guys, lets not be that thick.
Calm down Anons, I was just trying to make a joke.

>>39441945
It's already been shown he has no concept of time.

>>39441873
You're not entirely sure how long a millenium is- you never learnt complex words like that- but you assume it's a rather long time.

"I don't think much has changed. Bread, rice, meat when we can get it. Vegetables. Potatoes."

>Acknowledged. Behold Storeroom 23-A. There is sustenance in these crates that should still be edible.<

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>>39442036
(FORGOT PIC)

>>39442048
>I hope it's more of those brown bars again, that thing tasted amazing.

>>39442048
Lets eat and then get back on track to doing actual things

>>39442048
(that room's surprisingly empty.)
>grab another bar, and continue the tour while chomping. If no bar, eat and then continue.

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>>39442048
You're not sure what these symbols mean, but you're sure this will be more food of the gods, as before...

>>39442157
>I'll need at least 3. At least.

>>39441873
I don't know what you're talking about. I've been thinking, can ye make food?

>>39442157
>food of the gods, as before...
>Rations
kek
>pull out one and continue
since we don't have much time
>"so, about those other places..."
>>39442219
too late.

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>>39442157
Here we go- Oh.

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>>39442251
You have tasted hell, and it is a ration bar.

All of a sudden, your appetite has diminished greatly.

>>39442263
>Keep chewing, it has to get better, nothing this bad can exist in food form.

>>39442263
next time, serve it with some fruits or berries, for taste

>>39442268
>what is haggis

>>39442251
>>39442263
just as expected.
>only edible food in here. keep chewing, it IS food.

for any non /k/ anons, military rations are made to taste as disgusting as FUCK, because that will make them eat less in the times of need(emergency)

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>>39442263
Somehow, you finish the ration bar, though you feel it has somehow damaged you for good.

You want to kiss and stab whoever was skilled enough to create something that tastes that bland yet is still capable of feeding a human being. The worst part is, it's all you have to eat.

>>39442286
>military rations
by this I mean emergency rations, not daily meals or MREs. these things are carried around in small amounts in case the carrier is separated from the main force and is unable to resupply.
>>39442290
>though you feel it has somehow damaged you for good.
this IS true though. but only if you eat it for a long time, and only that ration.
>you don't feel like eating anymore. there goes your hunger.
>...right. moving on, funball.

>>39442290
"Do you have anything more tastier than that funball?"

>>39442290
>Well now you're not hungry. What's next Fun Ball?

>>39442354
>I'm horny funball. Do you have some "entertainment" hmmmmm?

>>39442283
He said "food".

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>>39442290
>>39442310

(It damaged you emotionally, not physically.)
"I... I think I'm done eating for now, Funball. Let's move along."

-------------------------------------------------------


>...Commander...? Are you listening?<

You had blanked out, still traumatised by the ration bar. Still, the view out here is worth coming back to the real world for.

>...As I said, Commander, we're heading to the Cargo Bay. This is the scenic route-Observation bay seven, to be exact.<

The feel of the wind in your hair is pleasurable. You begin to get a sense of scale as to just how high up you are. It should terrify you, but somehow, it feels... right. Like you're more at home up here, atop a giant animated mountain, than you ever were on the ground.

>>39442393
>Wow, you're a big guy.

>>39442393
windows with no ledges?
this terrifies me. what if someone falls off of it? what were the designers thinking?
>continue onward. no time to look, you can do that later, fuel is short on supply, and stuff...
>"this is somehow comfortable. strange, I've never been this up from the ground before, but this isn't alien at all."

>>39442393
Follow the funball. Ask it how it got here.

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>>39442393
"Er, how did we get here?"

>Tunnels and stairs. We're at the Golem's midriff- the Cargo Bays and Observation decks are like a belt around the waist. Down south from here, there's not that much- innocuous storage spaces and engineering rooms, as well as disposal pipe networks. For some reason, the organics were always... iffy about installing weapons emplacements around the groin area. Wasteful.<

>Here is a Cargo Bay. We take on and offload goods here, usually from airships. If we have to get things from the ground, we can use pulley-elevators.

>>39442558
Airships? Elevators? Decks?

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>>39442558
>>39442633
You think you've heard of ships that sail in the sky before: Apparently, they come from the hollow mountains up in the North, piloted by the race something-or-other. There's airships elsewhere, apparently- not that you're ever seen any- but those guys are famous for them.

"Elevators? Decks?"

>Elevators. They elevate.<

"..."

>They lift stuff up and down.<

"Ahh!"

>And decks are floors. We get stuff up here using... baskets attached to strings. That we raise and lower.<

>>39442806
Ask for an update on the wood situation, daydream of the candybar

>>39442806
Daydream about chocolate!

And ask how long until we reach Bok.

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>>39442880
>>39442894
While you idly dream of the food of the gods, you inquire as to how the forest-eating is going.

>We've loaded significant amounts of wood into the refineries, and are now at a net gain for Aethercite. The tanks are filling, bit by bit. If we keep harvesting trees at the current rate, we'll be full 24 hours after we reach Bok.

"And how long till we reach Bok?"

>Just long enough to visit the reactor. Come.<

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>>39443103
You eventually reach the reactor, after climbing deeper and deeper into the heart of the Golem. It's... Imposing. To say the least. You feel energy crackling through your hair and clothes.

>>39443127
fancy.
on a warning note, if we say anything like "are you going to say 'it's magic, I don't have to explain'?", the AI is likely to offload everything onto us, so we'd better not do that. we need to know rudimentary stuffs for now, we'll get to specifics later once we're done.

>>39443239
But it is magic.

>>39443127
Try to touch this glowing thing.

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>>39443297
That's the point.
we're not experienced yet to understand any magical jibberish that funball thingy is going to pour out on us when we ask.

holy shit peasantdrawfag how long are you going with this thread thank you

>>39443239
>>39443127
>>39443297

"So... I guess it's just magic...?"

If glowing blobs could look exhasperated, this one would.

>Unit will supply need-to-know basic information. This reactor consumes Aethercite. Aethercite is derived from Aether, which we mine from the environment- currently trees. Aethercite is consumed, energy is produced, the energy is routed to different parts of the golem. Difficulty: Though reactor is fully functional, the power conduits linking all the Golem systems together are damaged, greatly impeding performance and Elf-splatting. The Golem's power networks will need to be completely rebuilt before we can return to full combat capacity, hence why we need workers.

>>39443367
(what do you mean? I've been drawing and posting on and off, been doing other stuff during the day. Besides, I like drawing, it's therapeutic to me. So, uh, you're welcome. I just hope this keeps on going.)

>>39443354
It's too high up! You can't reach it!

>What are you doing.<

>>39443454
>I have no idea.

Prepare to scare our fellow peasants!

>>39443454
So you eat things and take their magic, got it.

>>39443509
Waiting till someon else posts till I update, but how do you people keep half-guessing what I've planned to happen immediately after the current scene

>>39443454
"N... nothing..."

Since a lot of this golem seems to made from stones or bricks, assuming what we fell through was the outside of it, we should definitely look into getting some masons.

Ask if we have anything to convince people to work on the ship, like money or tradeable goods. It's one thing to scare them, but once they're in here with us, they could probably just beat us up.

>>39443454
So, this thing IS magic! Magic golem for buttfucking elves!
This is the best thing ever!

Panic about imagining how to explain this to your fellow peasants.

>>39443569
There peasants
They probably want to sell it
And god knows what the local nobs are gonna do to us over this

>>39443569
We have a giant monster thing, we don't need to explain. Just declare ourselves King of the Monster, or something suitably magical, like the Ae-thur (or whatever it's called) King. If we just pretend we're a hotshot people will probably willingly follow us.

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>>39443509
>>39443540
"Er... N...Nothing... Look, about recruiting people. How do we... how do we recruit them? Do we have money or gods to pay them with? I mean, we can't exactly threaten them to make them come aboard..."

>Why not?<

"They'll just beat us up the minute they're not in danger of being splatted!"

>Hmm. Strange. Records indicate that if one calls oneself an 'adventurer', 'commoners' will flock to be ones apprentice. Perhaps this could work.<

"They know me! I'm just the stupid local Peasant handyman who fixes everyone's door hinges! They'll never believe I'm some adventurer. Besides, who knows what they'll do when they see this thing!"

>Well, we could-<

>>39443454
>So apparently our priority is to repair this. And then what?
What's our objective?
you're running a thread after the last thread in the same day. How do you even manage to pull it off? While drawing?

>>39443602
But REAL wizards and kings would buttfuck us for this level profanity, giant golem or not.

>>39443633
Doesn't this thing have a voice modulator or something? We can do a cool booming voice and be like "All are welcome to work for Cool Name McAdventure" and trick people to come in.

>>39443633
Ask if they have anything to make us look magic or adventure-y like glowing stuff we can wear or some armor or something. Maybe a mask so we can look all cool and stuff.

>>39443640
Oh man, you've never heard of that notapaladin guy have you
It's a dude who runs quests on /v/, first time he did it he ran it for 20+ threads nonstop, for about a week. And when I meab nonstop, I mean he kept making threads after the last one was finished, until it ended, without sleep.

>>39443640
At this point I think our objective is to do what the golem tells us since it's a lot smarter and try and get more chocolate.

>>39443538
Because scaring the peasants is the most logical next step.
>>39443633
>...Claim to have some divine revelation and this Golem is proof of it?

Life of Brian style?

>>39443633
>WARNING<
>WARNING<
>CODE: FRANKIE ULYSSES KRYPTON<
>UNKNOWN ARMED APPARENTLY HOSTILE LIFE FORMS DETECTED IN NEAR PROXIMITY TO GOLEM<
>WARNING<
>WARNING<
>COMMANDER, PLEASE REPORT TO CONTROL CHAMBER<

>>39443640
Timezones. I ended that last thread just before I went to bed, and started this one a few hours after I woke up.

>>39443654
>>39443662
>>39443682
I should really warn you guys when there's a 'cutscene' happening so good suggestions and shit doesn't go to waste. Sorry.

>>39443716
Damn man
Hardcore that
Did he die afterwards?

>>39443640
Buttfuck elves. Also cuddle with a baker's daughter

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>>39443744
Forgot pic

>>39443744
Aww sheit!

Time to engage murder-hobo.

>>39443744
Get the fuck to the command center already!

>>39443744
Piss in our pants while running into control throne room

>>39443750
Nope
He still makes quests to this day
He doesn't the "week without sleeping" anymore though

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>>39443744
Oh shit.
>run up to control
>"how capable is this golem right now? Also tell me of these enemies if you identify them!"

>>39443744
Are they Elves ?

>>39443808
Explain me again why we need piss our pants?

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>>39443796
>>39443808
>>39443914
>>39443939
>>39443879

You fucking book it to the command center as fast as your malnourished legs can carry you.

What's out there?! Is it raiders?! A foreign army?! ELVES?!

Oh god.

WHAT IF IT'S AN ELF WIZARD ARMY?!

"HOW CAPABLE IS THIS FUCKING GOLEM RIGHT NOW?!"

>We can crush them under our feet, if need be, but there's a danger some might be able to hang on and board us. Then we're in trouble.<

"WHO ARE THEY?!"

>I... I can not tell. They are approx. 50 humanoids.<

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

>...I am bad at analysing biological faces and clothing. You all look the same to me. No offense meant.<

Roll for bladder control.

>>39443939
I think the pissing of the pants comes from being a completely uneducated peasant falling into a giant robot, being led around by a talking, floating orb that says words we can barely understand, and then being yelled at that we're under attack and apparently we have to beat them when our combat experience is probably no more than killing some bugs.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>39444004
Rolling.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>39444004

>>39444004
Hey 50 human-oyds
That's how many people are in my town Bok!
I think

>>39444018
>>39444020
Nothing will ever escape our bladder, with success like that we probably get a permanent boost to not pissing ourselves.

>>39444032
Well it's a BIG number that's for sure. I mean, every number with a Zero is BIG, right?

>>39444018
>>39444020
Well whatever else we may be we have Herculean bladder control.

>>39444018
Critical success, you can never pee again and die from bursting bladders.

>>39444004

Rolli...
>>39444018
>>39444020
Ahahahaha... No need.

Time to stomp.

>>39444055
Our spirit maybe weak and cowardly, but our bladder is strong and built from iron!

>>39444004
FUN ORB! Can you show me the huminids?

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>>39444018
>>39444020
Why have you succeded every single roll so far are you wizards

You gain a sudden burst of inspiration and willpower, and your bladder muscles clench tight, holding in your urine. You gain the attribute: Herculean Bladder Control.

"Hey... 50 people, you mean...? That's how many people are in my town! I think..."

>Does you town consist of battle-hardened warriors?<

"No."

>Are the people of your town conservative, small-minded, or otherwise liable to act irrationally and be a danger to us and themselves?<

"Yes."

>Disheartening.<

"Can you show me the humanoids?"

>One second.<

ARE WE FUCKIN' BATTLIN
CUZ I GOT THE BATTLIN MUSIC
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PCZjnuS6ESc
ALTERNATE
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PCZjnuS6ESc

>>39444088
I bet it's goblins.
They like elves, but...goblins.

>>39444088
We are a bladder wizard.

>>39444109
Mah man.

>>39444088
>Herculean blasse control
I expect that will come in handy a lot in our future considering our current character status. What bonuses does it give use for what rolls?
>"Wait...hostile? How do you know they are hostile?"
>>39444137
Kek

Also have a kickass combat theme:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PhRnKDR6KrE

>>39444088
>Are you sure they're hostile?

>Like, really sure? Could just be freaked out by a giant Golem barrelling towards their homes.

>>39444220
>Ace Combat music
>No spanish guitar
The fuck are you doing
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PhRnKDR6KrE

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>>39444220
>>39444088

It gives you bonuses for... Well, controllng your bladder. It's one of the most useless skills in the multiverse.

----------------------------------------------

"Wait, how do you know they're hostile?"

>The chanting of 'burn the elven witchcraft' is a pretty good indicator. Here, look<

Holy fuck. Well, at least it's not elves, but on the downside, it IS the entirety of your hometown. There's fat bjorn, the simple smith, on the right, Jonathaen, the fucking merchant's son on the left- probably looking to act the hero- and...

Oh, no.

It's old man Jenkins. Looks like he dug out his old warrior clothing again. He's scary enough when he's NOT wielding a broadsword.

[1/2, this is a cutscene. No action suggestions till it's done please]

>>39441882
Kek. I think I love you.

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>>39444322
>The chanting of 'burn the elven witchcraft' is a pretty good indicator

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>>39444322
>women in thd middle of the second row
is...she doing a...
a double middle finger?
>>39444109
Kickass, anon. Thanks!

>>39444322
You know, it's amazing how much more confident one can be when they're at the helm of an enormous golem mech.

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>>39444322
>>39444358
Yep. The people of Bok are pretty hardy.

----------------------------------

Jenkins steps forward, having reached the edge of the new clearing caused by the golem's tree-munching.

He looks up at it appraisingly, before spitting on the ground, shaking his head, and addressing it calmly.


"NOW YOO FOOKIN LISTEN EAR YA FOOKIN PIECE 'A ELVEN BÜLLKRAP! I DON' CARE HOOW BLOODEY BIG Y'ARE, IF YEH TRY TEH HARM ME BLOODEY TOWN, Y'ELL GET SUMTHINK ELSE COMIN'! SO GO AHEAD, YA TREE-FOOKIN HOMOSEXUALS! COME AT ME! Y'ALL REGRET IT! I'VE KILLED FAR BIGGER MONSTIES THAN YE, AND THEN FOOKED 'EM IN THE ARSE! FOOK!"

Strange. Jenkins seems a bit more subdued than normal. You suppose he's pretty intimidated by the golem's sheer size.

Ask if we can speak with them using magic stuff, I don't wanna go down there right now.

>>39444569
This is what I was going to say.
also Identify ourselves and explain that this is an elf squishing golem.

>>39444519
>Let us talk to them, preferably from a safe distance.

>>39444519
Does this thing have speakers? If so blare out ITS NOT FOOKING ELVES JENKINS ITS ME! I FOUND THIS BIG GOLEM WHAT SAYS HE WANTS TO STOMP ELVES BUT IT NEEDS SOMEONE TO FIX IT UP!

>>39444519
Hurry up the cutscene

My sides cant take this

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>>39444519
"IS THERE A FUCKING WAY TO SPEAK TO HIM FROM UP HERE"

>You can broadcast from the Command Centre.<

"OKAY FUCK"

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>>39444687
Do>>39444621

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>>39444687
...

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>>39444755
..."OKAY, ALL FORCES, MOVE OU-"

>>39444687
We..we're here to kill elves and chew treebark.
And I'm all outta bark

>>39444770
Fine, we stomping them into submission.
King Peasant it is.

>>39444787
Pretty sure he's getting interrupted by our loud as shit speakers.

>>39444770
Hey it's us!
Basically doing >>39444621
>>39444787
What the fuck man.
those are villagers! Of the town we live in!
>>39444771
Heh.

>>39444787
No es bueno
Mucho mal idea

>>39444771
I hope we're not out of bark. Then we'd have no fuel.

Game plan: Once we calm down the villagers and let them know it's us, we convince people we are sort of a "chosen one" the great golem can only operate because of our ancient bloodline. We've been chosen to destroy the elves, and we need those we can trust to help us do it. To reinforce this, ask the golem to stop referring to us as commander but rather "Chosen One" or alternatively "My Great, Sexy Lord". If we can get some sort of glowy shit going all the better, maybe even if it's just Orb of Fun floating around us all the time.

>>39444882
Oh god.
Orb of fun is our navi

>>39444899
Except it get's annoyed with us in a stunning role-reversal.

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>>39444770
"JEEEEEEEEENKINS!"

"WHAAAAAAAAT!"

"IT'S ME! PEASANT!"

"PEASANT?! BUT YOU WERE KILLED BY ELVES!"

"NO! I FELL INTO A HOLE AND FOUND THIS GREAT BIG MACHINE THING! IT WAS MADE TO SQUASH ELVES BUT NOW IT NEEDS PEOPLE TO REPAIR IT PLEASE DON'T ATTACK US WE JUST NEED TO EAT TREES TO SURVIVE!"

"OH! OKAY."

"...What? That's it?"

"YEAH, SURE. YOU'RE TOO RETARDED FOR DECEPTION."

"WHAT?!"

Well, at least you're not in danger of imminent death.

>>39444882
Actually the only reason can pilot it is because closest available genetic match to the previous commander
Said so last thread

>>39444936
I know, but THEY don't need to know that.

>>39444899
Except -we're- the annoying one. And I am enjoying every second of this.

>>39444916
You posted before I could, haha.

>>39444770
You being GMT+1 is killing me. I'm GMT-5, so I missed most of th quest so far. Still as awesome as yesterday, though.

>>39444934
We... We should have a name.

It's rather disconcerting to introduce ourselves as "peasant"

"My liege, may I present... Peasant...?"

>>39444934
Peasant really needs some implant to boost brainpower. Or a new brain.

>>39444934
I like this old guy.

And we need a name.

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>>39444969
You take a moment to curse your parent's remarkable lack of imagination when it comes to the naming department.

>>39444934
What the fuck are the rest of our village thinking right now? Do they even care about the giant face?
>>39444979
The robot agrees with you. The robot will work on that once more immediate concerns have been met.

>>39444934
Continue harvesting trees I guess.

Also attempt to convince the people of Bok to move inside the Golem. Instant 50 person crew! Just no N-jinn-ears.

>>39444969
I'm fairly partial to keeping Peasant, actually. It's a title that has become our name, even if it started as an insult.

>>39444979
Or eventually get an education. Remember, we're not actually stupid, we're just unlearned. I mean, we've taken a golem mostly in stride.

>>39444998
How about Peter Easent

>>39444998
The golem talked about a Marshal Fukhaw II, we shall be Marshal Fukhaw III, in the great line of golem-controlling, sexy, badasses.

>>39445007
True. Peasant is actually pretty good with contraptions considering his available material and knowledge

>>39445034
Somewhere between Neckbeard Quest and Larro's works.

This thing >>39438531 is doing reasonably well in that department.

>>39445024
I like this.

>>39444998
Now back to eating trees.

>>39445046
This is when we find out we're actually the smartest person in the Kingdom, but no one bothered to teach us because we're peasant.

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>>39444998
Before you can do anything else, Jenkins calls up to you.

"SO WHAT ARE YE FOOKIN' DOIN' NAOH?!"

>>39445076
Well done.
You somehow reversed your post.

That takes skill.

>>39445105
EATING TREES FOR FUEL.
AND SEEING IF ANYBODY WANTS TO JOIN ME ON THIS THING. IT NEEDS A BUNCHA PEOPLE TO WORK PROPERLY.

>>39445105
>FEEDING THE ELF SPLATTER! NEEDS ITS GREENS!!

>>39445105
Very good question. I think I'm going to eat trees for a day then kill the elves.

>>39445109
I bet elves did it!

>>39445127
seconding

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>>39445105
>"gathering fuel and crew!"
>"say, would you like to help me run this elf squishing golem?"
I bet they're too busy to help us due to their everyday life.
>>39445127
>>39445128
>>39445131
...the general consensus has been met.
fuel, recruit.

>>39445145
Either way, the quality of the art always improves if it keeps on going.

Practice makes perfect yo.

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>>39445105
"FOOKIN' FEEDIN' THE ELF SPLATTIN' MACHINE! IT NEEDS IT'S GREENS! IT'LL TAKE ABOUT A DAY TILL IT'S FULL."

Wait, why are you beginning to talk like Jenkin- ah, well.

"AND SEEING IF ANYBODY WANTS TO JOIN ME ON THIS THING AND KILL ELVES. IT NEEDS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TO WORK PROPERLY."

Jenkins looks intrigued.

"WELL, I'M CERTAINLY NOT AVERSE TO KILLIN' ELVES... BUT IF I GO, WHO GUARDS THE TOWN GATE? IF THEYY DIVERT OTHER GUARDS, WHO MANS THEIR POSTS? IF THEY RECRUIT THE FISHERMEN... NO, THEN WE'LL HAVE NO FISH! AND IF THE FISHERMEN'S WIVES FISH, WE'LL HAVE SUFFRAGE AND NO ONE TO COOK THE FISH! AND EVEN IF WE BROUGHT EVERYONE, NOBODY WANTS TO LEAVE OUR HOMETOWN BEHIND... HMM... GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES, WE'LL HAVE TO THINK THIS OVER."

Well, he'll be busy for a bit. What now?

>>39445261
Ask Hal about our mecha's Elf Splatting capabilities while we wait

>>39445261
Relax, and contemplate just taking younger people who aren't given major roles in the town.

Baker's daughter is the only one?

>>39445261
Figure out what we can do to kill elves and see if there are any magicy devices or armor we can wear ourselves in case Jenkins decides he should control the golem.

>>39445261
Get food that doesn't taste like the devil's ass.

>>39445261
Relax, eat our greens.

>>39445261
>Eat greens
>Take every available 2nd or 3rd son to help out, they are just lazing about anyways

>>39445261
Tell the golem/orb that it isn't allowed to take orders from anyone but you.

>>39445261
> So who can tell you what to do anyway? Me and who else?
>How splat elves?

>>39445261
Oh god i cant keep uo too sleepy goodnigt

>>39445261
Listen to some music
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BcsfftwLUf0

>>39445376
We're the commander, only we can command. I don't think we have to worry.

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>>39445261
>>39445261

"Er, Hal-"

>Remarkable.<

"Er, Sorry?"

"You rapidly and effectively defused the situation. Commander aptitude assessment updated. Verdict: Positive. Query: Might we be recruiting crew shortly?<

"Er... Well, yeah, maybe. Anyway, Hal, do you have any magical armour or-"

>Article 7 subset AG dictates that Informal dress code cannot be maintained with more than one crew member on board. I urge that you don your appropriate Federation uniform and equipment immediately.<

>>39445473
A-appropriate uniform? But I don't-

>>39445473
Uniform? Uhh.. where?

>>39445473
Oh we about to get swank.

>>39445473
Okay? Sure I'll don your fed-ar-ation stuff, just... don't look,ok?

>>39445473
Urm, is that in my...uh... Stateroom?

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>>39445473
We fancy now.

>>39445473
So...we gonna git a new clothes?
MAN THIS IS AWESOME!
I HOPE WE GOING TO HAVE A SWAGGIN CAPE! OR SWEETASS HAT! OR BOTH! WE GONNA LOOK *NOBLE*
Get a positive hype about it.

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>>39445473
"Uniform? Uh... "

>Commander stress levels detected. Playing recommended soothing audio track based on browsing history.<

"Gods, alright I'll wear it! Just don't look. Where is it? My stateroom?"

>>39445573
But these clothes are heirlooms! Passed down from our grandfather!
How can you abandon them so easily!

>>39445614
Don't worry, we'll have them put on display proudly in a trophy room.

And we'll convert a storage room to a trophy room.

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>>39445573
What kinds of clothes should we expect?
Gif related?

>>39445573
>radiohead
HAHAHAHA

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>>39445573
>A spare set is kept in the Control Center at all times. In the words of Marshal Fuklaw II: 'If the com don't got swagger, his back gets filled with a dagger.'<

"Er... Sure."

New clothes?! You feel apprehensive. Your clothes have been with you your entire life- fixed and patched whenever they broke, constant companions, handed down through your family for generations. And you want to throw away your heritage for some new bourgeois shit?

On the other hand, they'll probably be worth more than you've ever earnt, they won't give you a constantly itchy, inflamed, chafed asshole, they'll be free of lice, you'll be kept warm and dry and comfortable and clean, and you might actually look fashionable for once in your miserable life.

You start feeling rather positive about the entire situation.

>>39445682
Given this whole thing has basically been Gurren Lagann !WITH FANTASY! so far..

>>39445573
>wear uniform

>>39445261
What if....we put the town IN the elf squishing mech?

>>39445747
>WITH FANTASY
Will it contain !!dwarves!! ?

>>39445747
No idea what a Gurren Lagann is, but put da bitchin' uniform on!

>>39445769
Is the mech big enough for that?
I dont think it is

>>39445775
It is the most anime of all anime, but still good.

>>39445772
Dwarves? Sounds like elves. SPLATTERING!

>>39445747
PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON

>>39445775
Imagine a giant robot
It has big drills
Then it gets even bigger
And bigger
In fact larger than galaxies
And it still has big drills
Also willpower beats all
That's Gurren Laggan

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>>39445747
"L-look away, okay?"

Fingers trembling, you pull off your clothes...

...

...

You're not quite sure how you're supposed to use all these belts. Or where this thing goes. Or whether these are trousers or a t-shirt. And who in the hell needs that many little zipping devices?! Hmm. Shit. Well, you suppose that'll do...

>>39445769
Ohgoddamnityouguesseditagain.. nearly. Close, but no cigar.

>>39445805
Man we racist as fuck
I think i like it, and i guess it makes sense with us being a peasant

>>39445840
>Hating elves
>Being racist
Choose one

>>39445837
What if we put the town ON the Elf squishing Machine alla. Gurren Laggan?

>>39445818
Are you the same guy that wanted to sit on the throne instead of hump it?

>>39445837
Because that's the next logical step? Time to put a river in the groin.

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>>39445864
>Time to put a river in the groin
Bad anon.

Put the town on the Topside of the Golem.
>>39440035

>>39445910
We can then rename the golem Bok rather than saying The Golem all the time.

>>39445933
And depending on the Soil profile we might still be grow stuff on the Bok-Golem, be at least a bit self-sufficient.

>>39445835
Don't forget throwing galaxies at each other.

>>39445933
Or rename the town Back

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>>39445837
Yeah. You get the feeling you can probably work with this.

>>39446111
Swank mo'fo.

Now lets see if we can get a few people on board.

>>39446111
ask hal about the last crew

>>39446111
Lets ask Hal how many people we can store/in the mech before we do anything. Heres to hoping its either big enough for all or we can turn it into some kinda moving fortress.

>>39446142
I thought the villagers were all thinking about who could be spared and junk.

>>39446111
Looking Goooood
Now all we need is a nice weapon so no elves mess with us!!!

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>>39446111
>>39445859
>>39445910
>>39445933
>>39445958
>>39446037

Yep, you guys figured out my plans for the town wholesale. Have an initiative bonus as recompensation.

You're hit with sudden inspiration as to how to get the townsfolk onboard!

It was simple, really, once you ignored common sense.

There's a niggling little thought at the back of your head, a tiny little worry somehow related to this golem, but you pay it no heed. No now, in your moment of triumph!

"HAL! How many people can fit inside this thing?"

>We have official bunk space for 100 personnel total.<

"Good, then this might just work!"

You run over to the Control Seat.

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>>39446226
"HOI, JENKINS, YOU OLD FUCK!"

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>>39446264
That got his attention.

>>39446226
>>39446264
This is going to be good. I can feel it.

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>>39446328
LET'S JUST UPROOT THE WHOLE FOOKIN' TOWN AND REBUILD IT ON TOP O' THIS THING! IT'LL BE GRAND, I TELL YA!

>>39446226
>once you ignored common sense.
That's kind of a running theme, innit?

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>>39446383
...

>>39446396
We're a peasant with a giant golem. Sense doesn't exist here, but fookin' elves do. We have one job.

>>39446396
>Common sense

Fuck that noise.

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>>39446418
"FOOKIN' ELL, LADDIE! THAT'S THE FIRST NOT-RETARDED IDEA AH'VE EVER HEARD YEH UTTER! I'M ON BOARD, AND IF I'M ON BOARD, THE TOOWN'S ON BOARD. WE'LL START TEARIN' DOOWNE OOR BILDIN'S TONIGHT! CLASS ACT, LADDIE!"

And with that, the old Baker rallies his townsmen and heads onwards to his own colossal administratory task.

"YOO JUST GO ON EATIN YER' TREES, LADDIE, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'LL BE NEEDIN' EM SO MUCH WHEN WE'RE UP ON HIGH! HAH!

>>39446514
Fookin' bootiful.

>>39446514
In retrospect, I should have figured this would be a twist like this, but I really expected needing to prove our point to him or something.

Oh, well, one less problem for now.

>>39446514
OOO see if the golem can poop planks from the trees its been eatin, get those slobs up faster!

>>39446514
Awwwwww yeah. Time to be awesome.

>>39446514
Golemtown Vs. Kaij...Terrasque when?

>>39446556
Mate, it's absorbing the energy from the trees. I don't think there'll be anything left.

>>39446514
We building a turtletown
Awesome

>>39446585

chipboard or something made from wood pulp?

maybe just ask hal if theres a way the golem can help with the build in some way

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>>39446651
I will be terrified when we fight another one of these things.

>>39446771
Golem can't do much but splat things without drones, and all those are busted.

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>>39446556
>>39446585
>An... Interesting idea. How well it will work remains to be seen. I will have to extend the inertial reinforcement fields further upwards so the town is not shaken to pieces during meelee combat.<

"Er, yeah, whatever, HAL. Is there any way to use the wood we've been gobbling up to give the villagers something to work with?"

>In order to extract Aether, wood has been converted into sawdust. Sawdust was compressed into blocks for disposal at a later date. Analysis of blocks shows they could be used as a similar building material to wood.<

"So, yes?"

>Yes, after a fashion.<

>>39446831
(We're lucky: The same refineries that extracted the Aether also compacted the wood chippings and tossed the blocks out the side into a depot room. Those blocks are just sitting there, now, though- without minigolems, people are going to have to haul them up themselves.)

>>39446831
Also, Fantasy Mortal Engines with giant golems? That would be a sight to see. Maybe a parallel universe where there were more golems hidden around the world, and they became independent city-states that ended up ruining the ecosphere by eating all the trees and smashing all the non-mobile town and cities to steal their shit.

>>39446859
So what to do now
Should we go continue our tutoring while the harvesting and preparations move ahead?

If trees give us this much Aether, imagine what eating ELVES will do for the golem.