>Archive links:http://archive.moe/tg/search/subject/Hyperdimension%20Dwarf%20Fortress%20Quest/type/op/order/asc/http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Hyperdimension%20Dwarf%20Fortress%20QuestTwitter: http://twitter.com/BlorpQuestYou are Urist Twelfthbay, a short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry. No big surprise, given that you're the moe personification of Dwarf Fortress- of /course/ you're a dwarf. Even you can't imagine someone being sick enough to make a goblin or, Armok forbid, an /elf/ represent a game about short, bearded psychopaths whose idea of a good prank involves flooding the trade depot with magma and watching tree-huggers or child kidnappers burn alive. That'd be like a using a cow as a burger shop mascot.'Course, there ARE consequences to being a dwarf in the horribly anime universe of Gamindustri, like an inability to grow beards or look like anything other than a cutesy little girl, and that's driven you half-mad from the moment you came into the world.Even so, you're starting to find that you don't hate Gamindustri all that much anymore.Sure, you hate /parts/ of it with an incandescent rage, like the beardlessness, the rampant Japanophilia, and the universe's tendency towards fanservice and cutesy anime shenanigans. But while all that goddamn baggage grinds your gears like nothing else, you're starting to find that you're... increasingly able to deal with it all. You won't ever /like/ it, and you're sure as hell never going to get USED to it, but honestly, as long as you're careful not to succumb to kyaa kyaa ufuun moe moe anime bullshit, Gamindustri isn't that bad a place to live.(Cont.)
>>39573263You've even made some friends who're willing to stick their necks out for you- HAVE stuck their necks out for your dumb ass- and you'd do the same for them in a heartbeat (albeit with a lot of angry and/or terrified screaming, but the sentiment's there). Even Mojang, who you'd only tolerated before (or so you convinced yourself)... well, you're starting to appreciate that you're not as goddamn leery of her as you once were. Maybe you've never been. So in the end, where you once raged at the world in general, you're now finding yourself getting kinda attached to your fellow moe personifications.... and then you were reminded exactly WHY you hated Gamindustri so much when, in an accidental and ENTIRELY improbable turn of events that shouldn't have been physically possible, you got groped during a scuffle. By Rokko and Estelle. At the same exact time. And because /no one/ apparently thought it possible that you'd HAVE enough of a rack for that to happen, they got gleefully carried away, and now you're gonna go see them get their asses kicked by a brawler girl who's got some sort of Schrodinger's Panty Shot thing going on."Okay, so." Tekken clears her throat before going over the agreed-upon rules again. There's no sign of the meek, quiet girl who'd been all but looking for something to hide behind; instead, there's a worryingly eager brawler who really, really wants to crack some fucking skulls. "No weapons, we're going until the other side calls 'Uncle,' and it's going to be a nice clean fight. Right?"(Cont.)
>>39573275"Sounds good! / A-Affirmative," Estelle and Rokko chime in unison. The Dragon Warrior thrusts her sword point-first into the dirt and tosses aside her shield, while the Blue Bomber simply stands like a lump and waits for the match to start, expressionless but for her startlingly blue eyes. Neither of them seem to notice that you've snuck along to watch the battle."One-on-t-two hardly seems, fair," Rokko notes casually- as much as she can with a busted voice box, anyway. "Especially with the stakes as. High as they are."Wait. What? WHAT stakes? The hell kind of stakes are you gonna get in a match that started over something like /this/!?"Eh? You want to do a two-on-two?" Tekken hems and haws a little, glancing back over towards the Fighting Frog. "I /guess/ I could ask Ai-chan to join in, but I dunno if she'd want to..."[ ] [VOLUNTEER] Okay, you're pitching in to stop things from getting any weirder and/or more molest-y. Seriously, what other chance are you going to get to spar against your friends OR get some mildly violent revenge?[ ] [WATCH] You DID just set yourself up to be a maiden in distress to get Tekken to save you from Estelle and Rokko. Besides, you're honestly interested in seeing how your friends fare against a dedicated brawler.[ ] [BAR] ... ugh, this is getting sort of ridiculous. Wander back into the bar. Maybe you can chat with Ai or Ein or those other medieval-looking adventurers while you're waiting for this whole thing to blow over.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39573301Volunteer. Time to level Fighter
>>39573301>[X] [VOLUNTEER] Okay, you're pitching in to stop things from getting any weirder and/or more molest-y. Seriously, what other chance are you going to get to spar against your friends OR get some mildly violent revenge?
>>39573301>[ ] [VOLUNTEER] Okay, you're pitching in to stop things from getting any weirder and/or more molest-y. Seriously, what other chance are you going to get to spar against your friends OR get some mildly violent revenge?there goes the opportunity for a legendary mural.
>>39573301>[ ] [VOLUNTEER] Okay, you're pitching in to stop things from getting any weirder and/or more molest-y. Seriously, what other chance are you going to get to spar against your friends OR get some mildly violent revenge?Sparing is fun!The regular kind of fun even.
WHAT ARE URIST FUCKING SIZES BLORP
>>39573301And nice to see you again as always
>>39573394figure out the grade and rarity of adamantine and you'll know the grade of softness of Urist's boobs. But first you need to dig deep into Urist. But not too deep. wait. YOU'VE DUG TOO DEEP
>>39573394UGH FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEB: LARGER THAN BLANC, SMALLER THAN NOIREW: ROUGHLY BLANCH: EXACTLY SEE ABOVE, YOU DEGENERATE
>>39573713Truly the savoir of gamindustri
>>39573301>[ ] [BAR] ... ugh, this is getting sort of ridiculous. Wander back into the bar. Maybe you can chat with Ai or Ein or those other medieval-looking adventurers while you're waiting for this whole thing to blow over.
>>39573301[x] [WRITE-IN]Call her Shinpan-chan for now on
>>39573713Hips are absolutely disgusting huh.That sounds impressive. Urist is pretty good
>>39573301>[ ] [VOLUNTEER] Okay, you're pitching in to stop things from getting any weirder and/or more molest-y. Seriously, what other chance are you going to get to spar against your friends OR get some mildly violent revenge?Shit, I'm late in getting my customary one vote before sleep in.
>>39573929anon pls i meant ROUGHLY BLANCWHY AM I EVEN ANSWERING THIS SO EARLY IN THE EVENING
>>39574034It just means its time to start drinking
>>39574034>WHY AM I EVEN ANSWERING THIS SO EARLY IN THE EVENINGPerhaps this calls for Ogres to distract them!
>>39574034didn't you say there is a measurement chart for everything? just look up one for Toradora if there is any and find Taiga and go with it
>>39574123here's one. Cheers Blorp
>>3957417110/10 Urist would drink there
>>39574485That's our snack time
>>39574485That's just her wide mouth flask
>>39574485Urist drinks from barrels. That would be her shot glass.
>>39573301>[X] [VOLUNTEER]You're far beyond caring that you'd just rused Tekken into defending your maidenly honor through the least convincing acting in the world. Estelle and Rokko may or may not be joking (since they /were/ just hamming up the villainy angle a moment ago), but if your ANYTHING is going to end up at stake, you'd damn well feel better by protecting it with your own two fists (and feet and teeth).Besides, judging by how horribly everything's been going so far, you'll probably end up seeing Estelle and Rokko somehow convince Tekken that NO DORF BOOBS, NO LIFE or some shit like that, and then you'll have no choice but to completely hide your tits by wrapping them up in a quantum stockpile and probably fuck physics so hard that you'll break Gamindustri in half.After taking some time to readjust your breastplate, you stride over and, cheeks still burning red, plant yourself firmly next to Tekken. "AND MY AXE," you roar loud enough to make the silver-haired pugilist jump in shock."W-What happened to your /voice/!?" Tekken squeaks, placing a hand against her chest to steady herself."Whoa, now THERE'S a twist!" Estelle tugs at her leather gloves before assuming a stance that vaguely reminds you of... Lee-Fi, of all things. "The maiden in distress, fighting alongside her rescuer- that's the stuff legends are made from!"You growl, low and deep enough to make Tekken give another start, and crack your knuckles. Oh, are you /ever/ going to enjoy this.(Cont.)
>>39574606"Q-Query," Rokko grates out. "You w-will not enjoy it, /too/ much. Are you?"... the only answer you can give is to stare at Rokko hard enough for her to turn her crossed arms into a self-hugging motion, keeping those booblights well and truly covered."No, really, um... are you sure you're okay?" Tekken whimpers, peering down at you like you'll lean over and bite her hand off at any moment. "That sounds painful. I mean, as long as your throat isn't sore or anything-""C'mon, Tekken~!" Ai's scootched her way out in front of the bar, cupping her hands around her mouth again. "Don't let yourself be distracted by your ally! You've got this fight in the bag!"Even behind those big sunglasses, Tekken's eyes briefly flare up, and the little stuffed bunny hanging off her arm suddenly seems in danger of asphyxiating. "F... fight...! I'll take you all on!!"And just like that, that's everyone's cue to explode into motion.[ ] [ROKKO] Intercept the Blue Bomber. Without her arm cannon or powers, she's closer to your level than anyone else- and you've got her spooked.[ ] [ESTELLE] Go for the Dragon Warrior. She's a tough nut to crack, but if she's against her own surrogate little sis, she won't go 100%.[ ] [WAIT ONE BEAT] Let Tekken take them both on, and take a moment to analyze their fighting styles. Then you can take one while they're distracted.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39574636>[ ] [ROKKO] Intercept the Blue Bomber. Without her arm cannon or powers, she's closer to your level than anyone else- and you've got her spooked.we're going to get shoryukened in the beard
>>39574636>[ ] [ROKKO] Intercept the Blue Bomber. Without her arm cannon or powers, she's closer to your level than anyone else- and you've got her spooked.We're not getting Lee-Fi kicked in the head again.
>>39574636[ ] [ROKKO] Intercept the Blue Bomber. Without her arm cannon or powers, she's closer to your level than anyone else- and you've got her spooked.
>>39574636> [ROKKO] Intercept the Blue Bomber. Without her arm cannon or powers, she's closer to your level than anyone else- and you've got her spooked.
>>39574636No Tekken, this is our normal voice. Shut up, it is.
>>39574636>[Rock the Rokko]>With your fists
>>39574636[x] BUILD A FORT OUT OF BEER KEGS
>>39574636Relax Rokko, we can't technically hurt people if we're sparring. Just be careful about throws and stuff, actually she had a helmet.
>>39575049Praise the GODS
>>39575090>can't hurt people while sparring>look at the injury list in my own fortRemember safety first, train your warriors physically before letting them fight
All this talk about sparring got me thinking. We should, once we have spare time or that mini workshop tool, make a few mechanisms, wooden spikes, then a danger room to get to legendary fighting and dodging skill. Having a dedicated and master-level healer basically eliminates all possible downsides. Unless a spike goes through our head, of course.
>>39574636>[X] [ROKKO]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PKg7A8SwcAAs always, Estelle hurtles straight into the fray, the only difference being that she's got her fists cocked back; she's met in the middle by Tekken, who surges forward with a shrill "C-CHESTOOOO!," and the scent of burning ozone fills the air as the two of them start duking it out, arcs of lightning crackling around them every time their limbs meet.You try not to let yourself get distracted as you and Rokko move in at a more /reasonable/ pace, and the first few moments are spent circling each other warily. The super fighting robot doesn't quite have her arms up in a guard position, but she's clearly favoring her arm cannon side; her almost-porcelain features are as still as ice as she studies you with that inscrutable gaze of hers.... maybe she's just waiting for your reaction to how her stupid green booblights are uncovered again.Still, it's not like your own damn pose is learned or professional, either. And you feel naked without your liquid metal gauntlets- although to be fair, if you brought 'em to THIS fight, Rokko could bring in her OWN built-in artillery and then you'd just be royally fucked.Right. How're you gonna do this?[ ] [WILD CHARGE] Bull-rush Rokko and try to overwhelm her defenses before she can retaliate. BUGGED[ ] [SWEEP DOWN] Focus on taking Rokko's mobility down a notch. Get her on the ground and you stand a chance at disabling her.[ ] [COUNTER] Wait for Rokko to make the first move before countering whatever she's got. BUGGED[ ] [TIME OUT] Ask Rokko to give you a moment to fix whatever's going on with in DFHack and Bug Tracker.[ ] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39575352>[ ] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.Because this has everything to do with revenge.
>>39575238>once we have our own fortThat's going to be awhile. The standard danger room consists of:A pump.A suit of full wooden armor or cheap non-rusting material (the dorf puts this on).Blunted wooden spike trapsChin-high water.You force them to practice armor, dodging, pump operator (hey they're actually useful!) and swimming all at the same time. It's very efficient.
>>39575352>[x] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.
>>39575352>[ ] [TIME OUT] Ask Rokko to give you a moment to fix whatever's going on with in DFHack and Bug Tracker.If they want the fight to be as fair as possible, she'd likely oblige.
>>39575352>[ ] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.
>>39575352>[ ] [SWEEP DOWN] Focus on taking Rokko's mobility down a notch. Get her on the ground and you stand a chance at disabling her.
>>39575352>WILD CHARGELet's get this bug train rolling!
>>39575352>[x] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.Go for the weak point!
>>39575352[ ] [SWEEP DOWN] Focus on taking Rokko's mobility down a notch. Get her on the ground and you stand a chance at disabling her.then[ ] [HONK] Oh, you are going to polish the HELL out of those green glass headlights.
>>39575352>[ ] [WILD CHARGE] Bull-rush Rokko and try to overwhelm her defenses before she can retaliate. BUGGED
>>39575352>[ ] [TIME OUT] Ask Rokko to give you a moment to fix whatever's going on with in DFHack and Bug Tracker.Give me a sec.
>>39575352>[ ] [SWEEP DOWN] Focus on taking Rokko's mobility down a notch. Get her on the ground and you stand a chance at disabling her.Oh yeah, I just remembered Rokko weighs a ton.
>>39575352>[X] [TIME OUT] Ask Rokko to give you a moment to fix whatever's going on with in DFHack and Bug Tracker.We should have plenty of time while she's staring at us humming the stage select music.Will she choose Psychopath Man, Dwarf Man, Letch Man, or Spar Man?
>>39575352[ ] [SWEEP DOWN] Focus on taking Rokko's mobility down a notch. Get her on the ground and you stand a chance at disabling her.PRONE MEANS LOSING
>>39575481Drunk Man. Or possible Booze Man.
Testing imagesharer browser app. And general competence. Also, fuck captcha. This shit is impossible on a phone.
>>39575380We don't need our full fort though. We can build up just fine as it is as seen when we setup that tannery shop. Just a carpenter shop, mechanics workshop, a few rocks and logs, then Rokko or Estelle to pull the lever up and down for a while. Should take less than an hour to set up a 1 tile affair for a huge payoff in training. We have a full set of metal armor already and we can borrow Estelle's shield to get shield user and even more attributes up. Besides which, dodging a bunch of deadly spikes shooting up from the ground is dorfy as fuck and probably even relaxing compared with the normal animu shenanigans we deal with. Consider it our downtime.
Okay, the two winning options go together, so-[X] [SWEEP DOWN] (Roll needed)[X] [HONK] (No roll needed, partially reliant on Sweep Down's success)>Urist Twelfthbay charges forward!ROLL d20! (dice+1d20 in the email field)Taking the best of three!DC: 15
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>39575760
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>39575760FOR !!FUN!! AND !!VICTORY!!
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>39575760nat 1!
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>39575760Let's see if I remember my dice code.
>>39575782HOW DOES SHE KEEP GRABBING OUR BOOBS?
>>39575782ALWAYS HAPPEN, EVERY THREAD, BLORP WHY
>>39575782Screwed we are. Rokko is gonna honk us instead.
>>39575760You’ve got fists for handsAn iron jawBut now they sayThe Hard Man’s gotten softYou’ve got the steelYou’ve got the mightGet back your edgeYou will win this fightSteel of the championYour legend will live onOur sons will sing your songHarder than steel
I wonder if we could convince one of them boob grabbing is how dwarves get pregnant
>>39575782I ain't even surprised anymore. I'm guessing we're going to be crushed under Rokko, our face reaped between the boob lights as we flail around being our usual unhelpful selves.
>>39575782........ Jesus H. Christ in a tux on a pogo stick, anon, as if Urist didn't have enough Gamindustri-caused neurosesWRITING
>>39575874Nah, remember. Rokko is a black belt in Anatsuken. We're gonna get Hadoken'd in the face then Shoryuken'd.
>>39575890Obviously she needs even more
>>39575890With this consistent failing, I'm surprised she hasn't just completely broken down into another tantrum at this point at herself.
I'm still waiting on her to try to make an artifact."I NEED IRON"
>>39575890Man, she's gonna have so many horrified tags on her status screen after this
>>39576189>doffortress>no traumaPick one
>>39576189but we chose the [HONK] option. that nat 1 is affecting whom we [HONK]. and Urist hates being/honked/.
>>39575782Kek>>39576054Pic related>>39575575This guy has a good Idea. Can we do this?
>>39575890Ugh. Can we just switch to fucking 1d100s or something?
>>39575238>>39575380>>39575575>>39576276Setting up a danger room is /completely/ an option when Urist gets her fort up and running!It'll just make everyone think Urist is some sort of masochist, though.
>>39576321>It'll just make everyone think Urist is some sort of masochist, though.>implying dorf fortress isn't a game for self-hating beings
>>39576321>implying she isn'tTekken would love it though
>>39576321Can we set up a lewd room?
>>39576373He just told us we could Anon
>>39576314On one hand, the way these dice are swinging fits Urist pretty damn well at her current level of skill.On the other hand, there'll probably be opportunities to give Urist upgraded dice once she hits certain milestones, so I'll see what I can do!
>>39576463 Urist upgraded dice once she hits certain milestonesDoes that mean after a certain amount of screwups we downgrade the dice?
>>39576513If that was the case we be on d6's or something by now
>>39576513>implying Urist has anywhere to go but up
>>39576543So were about to unleash demons on to the world?Are we digging to far down?
>>39576543Well, I haven't seen her gone down on anyone.
>>39576321Could we make a quickie for dodging, armor user and fighter even before buying land and stuff though? Should be possible even with dabbling skill (or even better since shitty training spears are less likely to kill us horribly) As recent events are showing, we really, really need a grounding in combat skills.
>>39576577>you've struc adamantium! Praise the miners!
>>39576742We could just continueously grapple a nearby chicken to raise our wrestling to legendary easily. Or throw rocks to raise archery.
>>39576749Just scrape off the top layer, just the top, just what we need, just like enough for a squad or twoFuck
>>39576773qToo metagamey. At least a danger room is appropriately dorfy and indeed part of dwarven military training and culture. Though we should start throwing shit from our backpack in combat.
>>39576749Well they got past our breastplate and stuck gold
>>39576825>Too metagameyOne of our attacks was to throw two cats at an opponent
>>39576829>tfw you don't have enough high impact sexual violence images
>>39576742>>39576773Yeah but that's Not !!FUN!!The danger room is. But only AFTER we decide to create fort in a terrifying haunted location that used to be flooded and then drained so there's Forgotten Beast - Fossilized Undead MegalodonOr other delightful things!
>>39576934>not mentioning giant sponge zombies
>>39575352>>39575760>[X] [SWEEP DOWN]>[X] [HONK]>1If there's one thing you're happy about, it's that ironclad rule of humanoid combat remains the same no matter /which/ Armok-forsaken cutesy universe you find yourself in: knock your enemy prone and they're gonna be on a one-way ticket to /getting absolutely fucked/.Gamindustri is no exception. Blue-armored ponytailed grab-happy TRAITOROUS GROPEY BUST-MEASURING ROBOTS are /doubly/ not excepted from that. And one benefit to being as short as you are is that you've got such a good shot at all leggy dames' /legs/-With a growl, you lunge in, spin low to the ground, and level a masterful sweep right up against Rokko's leg- except it's like kicking a steel pole, and the Blue Bomber doesn't budge. She doesn't even /flinch/. All you accomplish is causing pain to lance up your own stubby leg, and you spit out an annoyed curse as you scramble back up to your feet.Right. Completely forgot that she's way heavier than she looks. If that's the case, you've got a backup plan, and that backup plan is to whirl around and /lunge/ for Rokko's big honking booblights with your hands outstretched-She lifts up her arms and lets you right on in, and your hands plant themselves against those green glass half-orbs with most of your weight behind it. Again, Rokko doesn't even budge, and... well, alright, the booblights themselves are as hard as you'd expected, but there's definitely a moment of shifting and /yielding/, like you're pressing up against one of those goddamn armored bras some adventurers seem to favor and-- you look up just in time to see Rokko's face redden and the edges of her mouth twitch upward and OH FUCKING HELL IT WAS A TRAP-(Cont.)
>>39577200"G-Gotcha."Even if you weren't so far into grapple range, Rokko's faster than you would've thought possible- she knocks your arms away before cleaning your clock with an honest-to-Armok rising uppercut, and the world spins fast enough to disorient you five times over before the ground deigns to reclaim you by smashing you right in the goddamn /back/.And, of course, the stars clear from your vision just in time for Rokko to fucking /straddle/ you (and only mildly crushing you) and plant her hands straight on your breastplate. And not in the 'oops, accidentally suggestive anime shenanigans tee hee' way, either- you BOTH damn well know that your armor's the only thing stopping this from turning into Bad Touch v.2.0. As if that wasn't enough, she was heavy enough when you tried lifting her, but when YOU'RE prone...The fight's basically over."Query. E-Even?" Rokko growls, the static crackling in her voice thicker than normal.As if to punctuate her point, light flashes on the horizon, and you hear some sort of distant thunderclap coming in from across the channel.[ ] [YES] Fine! Uncle. And let's just put an end to this revengeance-groping thing, these hijinks are wearing thin.[ ] [NO] Fine! Uncle. But Rokko still owes you a barrel of booze for /measuring your bust with her hands/ dammit.[ ] [EMBARRASS] Try to take her off-guard by rehashing your maiden-in-distress act.[ ] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39577230>[ ] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?
>>39577230>[ ] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?What?
>>39577230>[ ] [EMBARRASS] Try to take her off-guard by rehashing your maiden-in-distress act.THIS IS HOW DWARVES GET PREGNANT
>>39577230[ ] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?and hell no
>>39577230>[WRITE-IN]>Cheat"HEY WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE"
>>39577230>[ ] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?>>39577260HIGH IMPACT
>>39577230>[X] [NO] Fine! Uncle. But Rokko still owes you a barrel of booze for /measuring your bust with her hands/ dammit.>[X] [WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?
>>39577230>>39577260yus. embarass her with this line! ARMOK DEMANDS IT!
>>39577230>[ ] [YES] Fine! Uncle. And let's just put an end to this revengeance-groping thing, these hijinks are wearing thin.The dice have degreed that vengence is not to be ours.
>>39577230>The fight's basically over.The tide has turnedYou’ve got nothing leftThey say throw in the towelBut that you won’t acceptYou’re going downIt’s the final swing>[X] [WRITE-IN] Okay, we're prone. We can't fight back> But this fight goes on until someone says Uncle, and you've got a hacking tool and an opponent with as many problems as you have. Don't try and hurt her, but a good prod to a glitchy area should help you out. Plus, who knows, maybe you could help her even?
>>39577260This this this
>>39577260Lets do it
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>39577230>[X] [EMBARRASS] Try to take her off-guard by rehashing your maiden-in-[WHAT] the hell was that lightning just now?
>>39577260Bwhahahaha this yes this
I wish blorp would tell us when he's writing/done tallying so I we would stop assuming he died from a sudden brain aneurysm Also:[x] embarass
>>39577230>[X] [EMBARRASS]>[X] [WHAT] THE HELL IS THATDwarves are stubborn assholes who don't know when to admit defeat; in your case, this really fucking helps to explain why you do what you do next, which is to slowly cover your face and quiver like jelly."R-Rokko," you squeak, once again subjecting your dignity to a messy blood sacrifice to drag /that goddamn voice/ out from the depths of moe hell- it comes more easily, this time. "This... this...""... this?" she repeats, looking faintly apprehensive and leaning back a little."THIS IS HOW DWARVES GET PREGNANT!" you wail, your high-pitched voice hoarse and scandalized as you shake your head back and forth.Honestly, you half-expected- no, you FULLY expected her to give you a flat stare and tell you right the fuck off- she's a goddamned robot, for one thing, and robots can't get people pregnant; for another thing, she damn well knows your high-pitched squeaky voice means that you're either temporarily insane or faking like hell. And for a THIRD thing, joke's on her- pregnancy only ever happens after marriage, when two dwarves move into the same room together!What you DIDN'T expect her to do was lift her hands off your breastplate as if it's on fire. Rokko stares down at you for a moment, grave and wide-eyed. "A-Affirmative," she murmurs. "I understand, Urist.""Understand what?" you shoot back, still keeping your voice as high as it can go."I-I have been, programmed with sub-routines in t-the event of such a p-possibility," the Blue Bomber drones on, setting heavy hands on your shoulders and lifting you up into a sitting position. "Taking full r-responsibility for p-putting you in this. Regrettable situation. W-We, of course, h-have no other choice on the m-matter..."It's about when she cups your chin and tilts your face up that you reflexively start to panic because fucking hell- wait, no, stop, TIME OUT-Rokko leans in until her mouth is right next to your ear."Gotcha."GODDAMMIT-(Cont.)
>>39578625Once you're both on your feet, Rokko bears your incoherent flailing with good grace, warding off your wildly swinging fists with her armor and blocking the occasional blow with her hands, looking more smug than you've ever seen her before. 'Course, this only makes you even /angrier/, but you manage to blow off enough steam to stop yourself from straight-up tantruming and injuring yourself further on the Blue Bomber's metal body, if only because you run out of inventive ways to curse her, Gamindustri, and everyone ever to exist.... right, you grumble a half-minute later, leaning against her as you catch your breath. That never bloody happened. More importantly, did- did she catch that thunderclap?Rokko nods, but before she can say anything else, there's ANOTHER thunderclap, albeit much more localized and followed up by an idol's cheers: in this case, it's just Tekken air-juggling Estelle, punches and kicks hefting the Dragon Warrior aloft every time gravity tries to reclaim her."Ow! Gah! U-Uncle! Uncle!!" Estelle squeaks- half a second later, she's getting the wind knocked out of her as she lands face-first against the ground, although she's rolling back to a kneeling position before the dust even settles. "Hah. Teaches me for thinking I can take on a specialist," she grins ruefully, wiping a trickle of sweat from her brow.Tekken doesn't reply immediately, setting herself back to some sort of neutral pose and letting out a long, slow breath as she almost visibly goes back to being a normal human being (as opposed to some sort of demonic fist-fighting machine). "G-Good match," she finally says, giving Estelle a little half-bow- she's tentatively smiling when she straightens back up. "Self-taught, right? That was really impressive!"(Cont.)
>>39578635Huh. So that makes one win and one loss, huh? You turn back to Rokko to get her opinion, but she's staring over toward Leanbox's landmass with an unusually intense expression on her face, one hand up to the side of her helmet like she's receiving a transmission, or mail, or news, or something.You tug on her shoulder, and she finally seems to remember you exist. "W-We should-""Get back inside," Rush shouts, peering out from the entrance of the Fighting Frog- she's got her sunglasses pushed up to her forehead, and her lips are pursed into a thin, worried line. "Something's come up."Fifteen seconds later, you're all clustered in front of the bar's only television set- whatever news channel was on before is no longer showing that set of charts depicting each nation's shares. It's replaced with some sort of BREAKING NEWS banner, with the voice of a grave-looking newscaster murmuring on about analyses and eyewitness reports and predictions and wild stabs in the dark.The footage that's being run over and over again is much more eye-catching, however.It's a set of shaky mobile phone-recorded video, shot from a number of different angles and recorded by different bystanders, but they all show the same thing: a vertigo-inducing battle in the sky, between what look like two goddamn shooting stars, zipping around like they've got rockets attached to their arses. Each time they slam into each other, shockwaves go rippling through the air, shaking trees and severely destabilizing the cameramens' footing- it's almost too much to take in at once, except there are the occasional glimpses of two combatants.(Cont.)
>>39578646One stands out clearly against the blue (increasingly grey and tumultous) sky- a green-haired woman in eye-catching black armor that hugs her curves like nothing else, a blur of glowing green lights and flesh-colored patches as she lunges and jabs with the biggest spear you've ever seen, furiously dancing through the air despite how /unwieldy/ that fucking weapon ought to be.You've never seen her in motion before, but that's really no one other than Vert, also known as CPU Green Heart, also known as the patron goddess of Leanbox and all things XBox.And facing off against her is an /extremely/ familiar goddess: Blanc, CPU White Heart and the patron goddess of Lowee and all things Nintendo, is a much smaller girl with an even bigger hammer, dressed in battle armor that's just as form-fitting, if much brighter- she's a LOT less composed than her opponent, wild-eyed and screaming bloody murder as she alternates between whirling like a top and- impossibly- arresting her momentum to swing her gigantic hammer the other way in hopes of catching the green-haired woman off-guard.Having recorded the same scene, every piece of footage ends the same way and with a dreadful finality: CPU Green Heart slamming her lance right into CPU White Heart's midriff, sending Blanc hurtling to the ground at speeds high enough for the smaller girl's skidding body to destroy an entire swath of forestland on the way to, presumably, motherfucking Hell. Victorious, CPU Green Heart looks down at the devastation, venting steam from her exposed skin, before turning and flying away from the scene of the battle.(Cont.)
>>39578672No one in the bar is moving a muscle or tearing their eyes away from the goddamn screen, especially as the newscaster starts talking in grave, worried tones about a possible revival of the Console Wars. Estelle in particular looks like some sort of small animal caught in headlights, and Rokko's all but staring /through/ the screen; both your party members are absolutely riveted.It's Ai Masushima, idol extraordinaire, who breaks the silence."DAMMIT, CPU Green Heart!" she wails, slamming a fist against the counter, looking like how you feel about 90% of the time. "What the hell? Why would- /why/!?"And just like that, /everyone/ starts talking (or wailing, or cursing) at once.[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE] Right. You, Rokko, Estelle- you're all getting the hell out of here. It's high time you got to Leanbox, because it's all coming together in the worst way possible.[ ] [GODDAMN] Okay, you're taking Rokko and Estelle and dragging them up to the nearest available empty room because this, if nothing goddamn else, calls for a fucking party meeting.[ ] [TEXT MAIA] Alright, Ms. Urist's-Eyes-in-Leanbox, if THIS doesn't galvanize her and get her to send you a fucking text in reply, then nothing will because what the HELL is happening?![ ] [PRESS iM@S] Wait, someone who actually knows CPU Green Heart well enough to curse at her like that? Maybe you can get a goddamn /clue/ as to what's happening![ ] [WAITASEC] Where the hell is Ein? Where the hell is Souls? And what's that other medieval knight looking so damn shifty for?[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39578688>[X] [PRESS iM@S] Wait, someone who actually knows CPU Green Heart well enough to curse at her like that? Maybe you can get a goddamn /clue/ as to what's happening!
>>39578688[x] [TEXT MAIA] Alright, Ms. Urist's-Eyes-in-Leanbox, if THIS doesn't galvanize her and get her to send you a fucking text in reply, then nothing will because what the HELL is happening?!
>>39578688>[ ] [PRESS iM@S] Wait, someone who actually knows CPU Green Heart well enough to curse at her like that? Maybe you can get a goddamn /clue/ as to what's happening!
>>39578688>[ ] [PRESS iM@S] Wait, someone who actually knows CPU Green Heart well enough to curse at her like that? Maybe you can get a goddamn /clue/ as to what's happening!>[ ] [WAITASEC] Where the hell is Ein? Where the hell is Souls? And what's that other medieval knight looking so damn shifty for?Split up, have Rokko talk to Tekken and im@s and we can talk to knight dudeSon of a bitch, this has to be some sort of trick or something though
>>39578688>[X] [GODDAMN] Okay, you're taking Rokko and Estelle and dragging them up to the nearest available empty room because this, if nothing goddamn else, calls for a fucking party meeting.What's the plan? Continue on, or turn back? We have business, but if our two party members entering Leanbox is seen as an act of war, shit could get serious.
>>39578144>typing furiously>forget fucking everything else, finally send it out>okay, that took longer than i th->look at the clock>goddammitRight, going to start announcing vote cut-offs and "writing now" like any rational person would do. Sorry guys!
>>39578688>[ ] [PRESS iM@S] Wait, someone who actually knows CPU Green Heart well enough to curse at her like that? Maybe you can get a goddamn /clue/ as to what's happening!>[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE] Right. You, Rokko, Estelle- you're all getting the hell out of here. It's high time you got to Leanbox, because it's all coming together in the worst way possible.Shits starting to kick off. Sounds like Arfoir is doing her thing
>>39578771>Just saw 'CPU Greenheart' trounce Blanc on TV>Shit could get serious I believe it already is though.
>>39578672>Xbox ever beating Nintendo.I expected fantasy blorp, not outright lies.
>>39578688>>39578688>[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE] Right. You, Rokko, Estelle- you're all getting the hell out of here. It's high time you got to Leanbox, because it's all coming together in the worst way possible.
Right, time to dust off the good ol[ ] [WRITE-IN]MEETING WITH EVERYONEWe need info now, anyone with contacts inside Leanbox, get them on the phone.It's fairly blatant that Arfore is up to shit.
>B: LARGER THAN BLANC (size A), SMALLER THAN Noire (size C)I'm calling it right the hell now: size B, same as UniAlso, how the hell does a DF dwarf know so much about Japan?
>>39578867This. Channel your inner Grim Patron, Urist.Get everyone in on this.
>>39578845Look, shit is serious in a Gameindustri-wide political way.But that doesn't necessarily mean for US. Sure, someone's going to have to go out, collect Blanc, learn the horrible truth about what happened to Vert and how to stop Arfore's evil plans.It doesn't mean it has to be us, though! It could totally be some other party, headed by Neptune. She loves that protagonist crap!It's going to be us, isn't it?Damn it.
>>39578771I'd hate to leave them behind, but them getting caught in Leanbox at this point won't go well for anyone involved including squishy low level dwarves. if we could find a way into Leanbox that avoids attention that would be great if not mega suspicious looking.
>>39578867I like this. Let's try, and if it fails at least we can fall back to GODDAMN.
>>39578908It comes with the moe package.
Okay, looks like>[X] [PRESS iM@S]>[X] with a side of [ALL IN, MEETING WITH EVERYONE]is the only clear consensus, so calling the votes here. Writing!>>39578856>I expected fantasy blorp, not outright lies.True- still, in this universe, it's really only possible for XBox to beat Nintendo regarding bust size.>>39578908>Also, how the hell does a DF dwarf know so much about Japan?Unwilling reverse osmosis and whatever the hell else Gamindustri bakes into her instincts upon coming into the world!
>>39578941Hey man, all I know is we have our little sister Mojang probably locked up over there alongside Vert, scared and most likely in a state of constantly about to explode. You saying you want to be a coward who would leave the person that for the longest time, was the only one who gave a shit about our existence in this messed up moe world?
>>39579013>it's really only possible for XBox to beat Nintendo regarding bust size.They're Xbox Heug.
>>39578688>[X] [PRESS iM@S]>[X] [WRITE-IN] All in, talk with everyone!You do what you can to ignore the din and squeeze over to where Ai's doing her best not to straight-up lose her composure. Even for a professional idol who's probably hyped up on smiles and rainbows and shit like that, it's clearly a losing battle- she's already teary-eyed and gritting her teeth, looking like she's not sure whether to be livid or horrified, and there's a surprising amount of goddamn /pressure/ roiling off her.... nnghk. Not quite the aura of sheer historic power that you've felt from Estelle or Rokko, but it still promises a strong enough punch to cause you some serious organ trouble if you step too far out of line. You moderate your dwarven bitchiness a little before pressing her for a little more information-The force of Ai's tearful glare is enough to make you take a reflexive step back; she lifts her arm and a microphone snaps into existence in her hand. "SHE WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!" the idol roars, her words cutting straight through all other upraised voices like a serrated disc bisecting a horde of defenseless goblins- hell, it doesn't even seem to bother passing through your ears, but goes straight to your brain.In the deafening silence, Ai drops her microphone against the ground, where it bounces once before dissipating. "... at least, she shouldn't," the ponytailed idol whispers, the outburst leaving her drained and exhausted. "I don't know anymore. I left Leanbox a while ago. Miss Vert... she's just been acting so weird lately."You pinch the bridge of your nose. Okay, that's /really/ not what you wanted to fucking hear. You were hoping for 'oh, something's wrong, this is suspicious'- something for you to go on, ANYTHING that'll let you deny the possibility of a goddamn Console War or something.(Cont.)
>>39579677Not that you say that out loud, of course. What you DO is ask if anyone here has any contacts inside Leanbox or something. 'Cause you've only got one or two, and they're hard to get a hold of-In short order, Tekken and Ai are dialing madly on their phones- Rokko's also trying to connect via whatever setup she's got inside that computerized brain of hers. 'Course, all of them warned you that it's sort of a long shot; they don't know anyone THAT interconnected with Leanbox politics nowadays."Souls might know," a new voice pipes up. You turn around just as that other medieval-looking knight puts on her horned helmet, obscuring all facial features even with that T-shaped viewing port- hell, her armor's even /more/ obscuring, clearly favoring function over form- not one inch of skin shown, no curves to show off her body, no nothing.... you're honestly a little envious. YOUR armor's got one stubborn line of frills running along the bottom edge, no matter how many times you change or upgrade your goddamn suit."But I don't know /where/ she went," the armored knight continues, her voice somehow un-muffled. She sighs and leans against the counter, drumming her fingers against one arm. "She was just here a moment ago, speaking to a rather suspicious character before they ran out together to parts unknown."Goddammit, Ein, what even-(Cont.)
>>39579691Whatever reply you had prepared is cut off by Ai flipping her phone closed so fast that the /clack/ cracks like a whip. "Straight to voicemail. Of all the times..." she snarls in a rather un-idol-like fashion."I... I can't connect to anyone over there either," Tekken interjects, her voice quavering slightly."Networks are d-down," Rokko notes with an air of dreadful finality. "Nothing's g-getting in or out of, Leanbox."... which makes that footage all over the news the /last/ thing to come out of there. This just gets better and better.Estelle's jolted out of her funk when her phone starts ringing like mad- without another word, she picks up and makes for the nearest corner of the bar, talking in low, worried tones.[ ] [ESTELLE] Wait for her to finish, then see who it is. If you had to guess, though, it's going to be news from /Lowee/, and that'll be a whole other can of worms...[ ] [ROKKO] CAN the networks go down like that? How the hell is Leanbox blocking everything out, and is there any way around it?[ ] [KNIGHT] Does she have any idea what Souls was talking about with Ei- with the stranger before they left?[ ] [AI & TEKKEN] Is there /anything/ else Ai knows about CPU Green Heart? Anything that could shed some light on this? It really seems like she knows her the best.[ ] [TEXT EIN] This would be a very good time to touch base with Ein. You can only hope she's not doing anything stupid.[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>39579707knightIs knight-tan skyrim?
>>39579707>[ ] [KNIGHT] Does she have any idea what Souls was talking about with Ei- with the stranger before they left?>[ ] [TEXT EIN] This would be a very good time to touch base with Ein. You can only hope she's not doing anything stupid.Hurrah for making friends, I mean gathering meat shields>You turn around just as that other medieval-looking knight puts on her horned helmet, obscuring all facial features even with that T-shaped viewing portSkyrim/TES?
>>39579707>[x ] [KNIGHT] Does she have any idea what Souls was talking about with Ei- with the stranger before they left?>[x ] [TEXT EIN] This would be a very good time to touch base with Ein. You can only hope she's not doing anything stupid.
>>39579707>[ ] [KNIGHT] Does she have any idea what Souls was talking about with Ei- with the stranger before they left?>[ ] [TEXT EIN] This would be a very good time to touch base with Ein. You can only hope she's not doing anything stupid.>T-shaped viewing portShe's Shovel Knight?
>>39579707>[X] [ROKKO] CAN the networks go down like that? How the hell is Leanbox blocking everything out, and is there any way around it?Is this something a Goddess could do, because, you know, Vert's been acting weird recently and just publicly did something she shouldn't do, and foreshadowing bodes ill.>[X] [ESTELLE]Oh man I hope you have good news for us and not a bold new determination to drag us off to save Blanc.
>>39579725>>39579729Oh, will you EVER know when it's TES.
>>39579784>She's Shovel Knight?Sounds like it, she's got the full armor and horned helmet.>>39579824TES is going to be like, Leanbox's Estelle all overpowered as shit and insane in her own right.
>>39579824Because she'll make you pay for healing her and supporting her in combat?
>>39579841Well, with today's situation, it's MMORPG bullshit, and the Gaben-Steam betrayal, I think it'll be more the case that she'll be a greedy bitch that'll stab you in the back, with massive gamebreaking bugs that she relies on others to fix.
>>39579707With all this going down I don't think we're going to have time for Estelle to ride out her glitch on her own, we're going to have to try and fix it ourselves.One quick practice run before hand?
>>39579902This is probably the worst idea I've heard in this quest, period. We'd kill her by fucking it up. Do you trust the dice to give us the nat 20s we'd need?
>>39579874TES is more than just ESO and this latest steam debacle
>bunch of PC games in Gamindustri>remember RB1 is on PC and soon RB2 will, too>shit's going cray crayRemember that Reboot episode where two games managed to merge, and shit also went cray cray there?
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>39579919It was inevitable.embrace the dice.
Alright, it's creeping in on 4 am again, so this is probably as good a place as any to end the thread!We'll pick up next time with [X] [KNIGHT] and [X] [TEXT EIN], and the next thread... ought to be at 4/27, at roughly 9-ish pm EST. As always, updates will be at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest, and questions can go here or ask.fm/BlorpQuest!We'll have one or two more threads left until May, which is when I'm unfortunately going to be unable to run anything (much like the situation back in January because seriously); June ought to be relatively normal, albeit back to weekly threads.Thanks for participating, guys, and hope you enjoyed the thread! >>39579902>>39579919In the time you'll have, fixing the glitch is /possible/, if not probable; more likely is that it'll at least lighten or shorten the glitch's effect!Urist isn't so prone to fuckups that she'd end up killing Estelle, and she's certainly smart enough to pull out if it starts going ploin-shaped for some reason.
>>39579919>>39579975I feel like something should be said here, but I'm not entirely sure what
>>39579975So...uh. That's a thing.
Rolled 10 (1d20)>>39579975Success is always an option?
>>39579991>Urist isn't so prone to fuckups that she'd end up killing Estelle, and she's certainly smart enough to pull out if it starts going ploin-shaped for some reason.Estelle did want to talk to us about something before everything went absolutely stupid, I at least had the feeling it was concerning the glitch, at the very least it's not like we were ever not going to do it.Thanks for the thread Blorp, I hope you find whatever you're doing in May goes well.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>39580034By this math, next dice should be a 1
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>39580060Let's see.
>>39579992>>39580001>>39580010>>39580012How did i do this
>>39580089We really want to save Big Sis I guess
>>39580043Thank you!>>39579975Or, you know, the dice could embrace /us/.
>>39580111And then grope Thanks for running blorp
>>39580111Judging by the dice, apparently the dice and I mutually want to embrace each other.Wat do?Also danks for running!