You've returned from a quest to slay a demonic bear that was making trouble in the woods of your husband's fiefdom. Now you've returned home and enjoyed a night of passion with your man. It's almost enough to take your mind off of the terribleness of your squires.The next morning you and your husband are tangled-up in the sheets and snoring. Some halfling ladies-in-waiting timidly tug on your sheets and ask you what kind of outfit to lay out for you.>Something stately, to start to sort out this trouble with the goblins>Something comfortable>Padded armor to spar inPrevious threads: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=squire+keeper+questHow squires work: http://pastebin.com/mKhYn3TVCharacters: http://pastebin.com/NeJQgYmFTwitter: https://twitter.com/ScorpGirlQuestAsk: http://ask.fm/GreatAnu
>>41461397>>Something stately, to start to sort out this trouble with the goblins
>>41461397>Something stately, to start to sort out this trouble with the goblinsIf he can't show results within the month, he's /out/
>>41461397>Something stately, to start to sort out this trouble with the goblinsMight as well get this out of the way.
>>41461397>Something stately, to start to sort out this trouble with the goblins
Tell Gurf to learn how to use a sling or throw axes. He can be a useful coward, then.
>>41461397"Lay out something stately. I have to keep up some appearances today."After having a light breakfast and squeezing yourself into all the silk and cloth-of-gold, you have an audience with all of your husband's advisors. Most of them are human sages, with a couple members of other races on loan from their respective domains. The goblin sage is missing. Instead there is a goblin herald you haven't seen before.Your court wizard, Langley, explains the situation to you. "The lady Kriemhild is not pleased with Sir Gavin's treatment of her son. She's put forward several petitions to the goblin parliament. Now they're asking us to submit to inspections to make sure we're not stealing any goblin trade secrets or something like that.">"I say we let them. We have nothing to hide.">"That's completely unwarranted. I think it might even be some kind of plot to weaken us."
>>41462102>"That's completely unwarranted. I think it might even be some kind of plot to weaken us."They would be admitting others can equal goblins in creativity and workmanship.
>>41462102>"That's completely unwarranted. I think it might even be some kind of plot to weaken us."
>>41462102>>"That's completely unwarranted. I think it might even be some kind of plot to weaken us."
>>41462102"That's completely unwarranted. I think it might even be some kind of plot to weaken us.""Agreed, agreed," says Langley. "They've been even worse than the orcs in trying to twist and pervert the alliance."The goblin herald takes off her hat and twists it nervously in her hands. "I... oh, dear. I wasn't exactly here to get an answer. I was here only to deliver a warning. The inspectors are already on their way. They're to pass through every town and holdfast between here and Knirpheim, questioning every trade guild and checking every knight's arsenal.""And if any of these people refuse?""I hope it doesn't come to that...">Wait for them to come to you. Maybe they'll be dissuaded or forced away before they get to you.>Ride out to intercept the inspectors>Ride straight to Knirpheim and talk directly to the cause of all this
>>41462585>>Ride out to intercept the inspectors
>>41462585>Ride out to intercept the inspectors
>>41462585>Ride out to intercept the inspectorsTime to bring out the elves
>>41462585You loosen your collar. Though you play the diplomat sometimes, for you the best diplomacy has always come from the point of a lance. "We'll ride out. Catch them before they get to us." This causes a wave of nervous talk to course through your circle of advisors. Some, mostly your husband's old war buddies, are cheering for blood and thunder. The elves and halflings are lamenting the end of the peace between the thinking races, bemoaning that it is too good to last.The goblin herald takes a few steps back. "I... I've delivered my message. Now I'm going home. I am a messenger, and may not be assailed!"> "Go. Tell your masters that we won't let them walk all over us."> "Where do you think you're going? You're our hostage. Guards, to the dungeon with her."> "You're coming with me."
>>41462949> "You're coming with me."
>>41462949> "You're coming with me."She's witness to the OUTRAGEWe'll just invite them to scones and meat anyway
>>41462949You grab the goblin by her wrist and pull her in the other direction. She's light compared to Higgenbotham, whom you have plenty of experience hauling around. "You're coming with me.""You can't do this! This is an outrage! It's an act of war is what it is! If you let go of me right now, maybe I'll forget you ever had the nerve to lay a hand on a legally protected envoy!"You carry her out to your great hall, where many of your excessively numerous squires are wasting time after breakfast. Some of them snap to attention, some of them shrink from your presence and skitter away into the woodwork. Higgenbotham just watches and waits. Gurf is nowhere to be seen.> Gather a small force and two squires. This will leave your home as well-defended as possible.> Gather a medium force and three squires. > Gather a formidable force and four squires.
>>41463278>Gather a medium force and three squires.
>>41463278>Gather a small force and two squires. This will leave your home as well-defended as possible.One elf, one Gurf for the soft touch
>>41463278>> Gather a small force and two squires. This will leave your home as well-defended as possible.Small elite squad
>>41463278> Gather a small force and two squires. This will leave your home as well-defended as possible.
>>41463278> Gather a small force and two squires. This will leave your home as well-defended as possible.Take the elves
>>41463278"We need men again. Now, who can I trust to carry a message to the master-at-arms?"Gurf slinks out of an armoire and waves his hand in the air. He actually grabs his waving arm with his other hand in an attempt to make it wave faster. "Milady! Gurf can do it! Gurf's a good gurf."You roll your eyes. "Fine. Tell them to get seven men ready, along with Lucky and provisions for eleven."> You have 3/3 Patience to spend on learning about the squires in your household. You know about Gurf and Higgenbotham already, but the rest are unknown quantities. The goblin squires have gone home, so there are seven human squires, three halfling squires, and two elven squires, plus Gurf and Higgenbotham. There's also probably a war pony in the stables that you could use instead.>Just take Gurf and Higgenbotham like before.>Just recruit some squires without questioning them.>Spend patience to learn more about the unknown squires (you may write in how much to spend on whom)
>>41463586>Spend patience to learn more about the unknown squiresJust ask which elf knows more about goblins
>>41463586>Just recruit some squires without questioning them.
>>41463586Oh yeah, I forgot an option:>Force your goblin hostage into service as a squire
>>41463669That can wait
>>41463586You track down the elves. You find them in the bunkroom that most of the squires use. "You. Which of you knows more about goblins?"They look to each other, then to the goblin you're still dragging behind you, then back to you. "Oh, good morning, my lady! It's an honor to be addressed by you. I can't rightly say that either of us are versed in goblin lore. Tanyl does love all the old tales of chivalry, though. Maybe some of them have goblins in them?""They don't, really," answers the other one. "A tale of a foe who swears at you and then runs away doesn't make for an appropriate tale. But Amyl might be able to guess the answer if you have a question. He has a very creative mind.""Oh, thank you for saying!""You do, though.""Not compared to you. And you have the better singing voice.""I never!">Pick one to recruit into the party>Pick them both>Pick neither. You may write in another race to spend your last point of patience on.>You now have 1/3 Patience.
>>41464076>Amyl is creativeDealTake him and Gurf
>>41464076>Pick them bothNeed the patience
>>41464076>>Pick them bothI can't split up the goofy gofers
>>41464076"All right, you'll do. You'll definitely be an improvement over the dwarf and the kobold. In smell if nothing else. Do you have war gear?""Oh! Yes, my lady!" says Amyl. "I'd forgotten about it! We haven't had any occasion to use it since we've arrived here, so we didn't open it." He unlocks a small foot locker and produces a large wrapped bundle. He and Tanyl start unrolling it and picking out items, including a pair of smallswords, heavy cloaks, and some polished copper helms with their names on them."Ohh!" says Amyl."What is it?" asks Tanyl."Mother left us a note! She says that she loves us very much and not to be afraid, and write her back if the human food is too strong for Tanyl's tummy Oh, now I feel bad for not opening it sooner.""Not in front of the lady! We're supposed to become knights one day. Proper knights, with swords and spears and everything! And anyway, I don't get sick from human food; it was only that one time..."The goblin hostage tries to bite your arm. "So what? You're just going to tie me up and drag me behind your horse? Or lock me in a dungeon?">"You come help us willingly or I'll have you bound at the wrist and looked after by two men-at-arms. You run, you die.>"A dungeon does seem to be the right place for you.">"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape."
>>41464167>>41464076And now I have to>pick both.
>>41464526>"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape."We're hard nosed, but we're not utter brutes.. I hope.
>>41464526>"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape."Stay away from the dwarf
>>41464526>"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape."
>>41464526>>"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape."
we're asking them to give us the herald since they can actually do as ordered, right?
>>41464526"You're our guest until we resolve this nonsense. No need to rot in the dungeon. You can live comfortably as long as you don't try to escape.""This is an outrage. I'll get my justice in the end..." The goblin girl goes off in a huff, asking some servants if there's still any breakfast.The elves clap their hands excitedly to themselves. "Ooh, Amyl, we're going to go on a proper adventure, aren't we?""It would seem that way, Tanyl. Do you think we'll be any good at it?""I should think so, Amyl! We've had lots of practice!""We have?""Of course! Every night after supper I sit and think very hard about what I'd do if I were in a battle and some bad fellow came at me. I think I have a very good plan for what to do. Practically an instinct!""But Tanyl, I haven't been doing that.""Yess, well, you can improvise, I'm sure. You're very creative.""Thank you!""You're welcome!"You head back to your chambers, change into the plain clothes and batting you wear under your armor, and kiss your husband goodbye. "It's a shame to see you go so soon, love," he says."Well, the sooner I go the sooner this will all be over and done with, and we can relax in peace. Anyway, maybe in a few months I won't be able to fit in my armor for a while!" You wink at him."Oh ho ho!" He grins and leans on your shoulder, which is the closest thing he can do to initiating an embrace with you, given his lack of arms. "Have any suggestions for what I should do while you're out?">Write in>"Just try to be kind. Don't start any more diplomatic crises.">Make an arm joke (you're currently at 3)
>>41464840>>"Just try to be kind. Don't get people up in arms."
>>41464840>>Write inKick the dwarf if he starts shit with the goblin herald
>>41464840>"Just try to be kind. Don't start any more diplomatic crises."also don't be afraid to smack the dwarf, he's an ass.
>>41464840>Make an arm joke (you're currently at 3)Keep yourself an arms length from creating another diplomatic crises. If the squires need help, don't hesitate to lend them a hand.
>>41464840>"Just try to be kind. Don't start any more diplomatic crises."
>>41464840>"Just try to be kind. Don't start any more diplomatic crises."The dwarf was disowned though, so feel free to execute him or w/e
>>41464840"Just try to be kind. Don't start any more diplomatic crises.""I'll do my best. Really this time. I blame myself for all this mess. I was angry that I was stuck with a bunch of other idiots' sons instead of my own son. So that goblin gives me a bad haircut, and before I know it I've kicked him until he's shitting teeth. That one's on me. No more of that."You kiss him again. "Then for your sake I'd say to avoid the dwarf. He would tempt you to kick him to death.""Fair enough! Take care, love. Come back to me.""I will."You saddle up Lucky and gather seven more men-at-arms before heading north. You put Tanyl in charge of looking after your armor, since he was the one who was paying attention when you told one of them to do it. North of here are a few small towns where you have gone before to oversee the harvests and settle legal disputes. Just beyond the edge of your husband's territory is Witch's Mill, a large trade town held by a different human lord.>Stop and check each town on the way up to see if anything's going on that the goblins wouldn't like>Just ask each local you see whether they've seen any goblins as you head quickly north.
>>41465143>Stop and check each town on the way up to see if anything's going on that the goblins wouldn't like
>>41465143>Just ask each local you see whether they've seen any goblins as you head quickly north.
>>41465143>>Stop and check each town on the way up to see if anything's going on that the goblins wouldn't likeThrow the elves at them. Then we can do the cheeky tour back with the inspectors
>>41465143You take the slow approach, taking a break at each village you come to, greeting the adoring populace, and speaking to their government and trade guild representative to get a feel for the state of affairs in the town before staying in an inn or in an obliging citizen's house. Each night, the two elves sing pretty songs for the locals in a language you don't understand. Tanyl has lost your helmet.>You can devote some attention to each of them without spending patience. They are pleasant, even though they're incompetent.>Focus more on educating Tanyl>Focus more on educating Amyl>Divide your attention equally between them>Spend all of your patience on questioning the locals more deeply
>>41465646>Divide your attention equally between them
>>41465646>>Focus more on educatingThe one that sings?
>>41465646>Focus more on educating TanylSonuvabitch lost our helmet.
>>41465646>Focus more on educating TanylHow are you going to be a knight without a helmet?
>>41465646You have Amyl and Tanyl gather together and take instruction from you as a pair each time you break for the night. "Tanyl wanted to say he's very sorry for losing your helmet.""Amyl! I wanted to say that! Now she'll think I'm being insincere because I didn't say it first.""Oh, dear. I'm terribly sorry, Tanyl. Do you forgive me?""Oh, of course I do. Never have two brother been such bosom companions.""I couldn't agree more.""I'm glad you feel that way, Amyl. Now where was I?""The helmet!""Oh, yes! Thank you, Amyl. Anyway, I thought I had it tied to the pack horse, but it just sort of slipped off.""Tanyl says it's a very slippery helmet.""Indeed it is! There must be some human craft that makes their helms very slippery. So that weapons will slip right off of them, I suppose. It's a very clever craft! Oh, it was a wonderful and crafty helmet indeed! My heart breaks to imagine it lying in the road forgotten.""Do you need a handkerchief, Tanyl?""Yes, please.""Please, it was nothing at all! Not compared to the beautiful acts of kindness you've shown to me."You interrupt them by firmly scolding them both for being so easily distracted and not securing your helmet the way you told Tanyl to, and then you repeat your lesson on how to properly take care of armor. The sort of thing a squire really ought to know already and which these elves have completely forgotten at least once.From what the locals are willing to tell you, goblin technology is scarce but not nonexistent. A couple of the richest merchants have curiosities in their homes made of enchanted clockwork, and there have been reports of peddlers selling gunpowder as a spice to add variety to meals. You're told it tastes somewhat salty.>Order them to get all that stuff far away where nobody can find it>Tell them of the danger, but let them do as they will
>>41466125>>Tell them of the danger, but let them do as they willLaissez-faire bitches.
>>41466125>Order them to get all that stuff far away where nobody can find itBecause no man should be eating gunpowder, damn
>>41466125>Tell them of the danger, but let them do as they willMaybe buy it ourselves so people aren't eating it.
>>41466125>Tell them of the danger, but let them do as they will
>>41466125You warn the townsfolk that a company of goblin inspectors may be coming to search for goblin crafts being appropriated by humans in violation of certain treaties. However, you stop short of giving them any commands. If you're lucky, they will not confront any unfriendly goblins.After three more days' march, you reach Witch's Mill. By this time Tanyl has gone through every tale of knightly valor he knows, and you teach him a few more. Yours are much bloodier. You also go through some fencing drills with them and reiterate every single night the very basic chores that they keep forgetting how to do. Tanyl is excited for all the attention, and Amyl is excited that Tanyl is excited.>Both elves have reached level 2. They are now obedient.There appears to be trouble in Witch's Mill. The town's militia are gathered at the gate of a palisade, holding off a company of angry goblins whose polearms have spinning and shearing blades on them. Suddenly, a house-sized mechanical horror comes up from a nearby ditch, making the militia scatter in fear.>Try to talk this over>Charge the goblins and take prisoners>Charge the machine>Run into town. If there is battle, you will aid in the defense there.
>>41466556>Run into town. If there is battle, you will aid in the defense there.
>>41466556>Try to talk this over.
>>41466593>They're invading our lands and killing our people>Oh let's just try and talk things out!Fuck off
>>41466556"Into town! Rally the defenses!" You spur Lucky forward, and the militiamen beneath you part and leave room for your retinue to follow in your wake. These folk are not your vassals and do not know you; they only make way for you out of fear."That was like a big growling metal horse!" says Tanyl. "How are we going to fight that?""It's not very horselike," says Amyl. "It's more like a toad, I think.""A toad? I never! Amyl, it didn't hop at all. It's much more like it's walking.""Oh, dear. Perhaps I made a poor comparison.""No, don't say such a thing! Of course it's a toad. I just didn't see it because I'm not as creative as you. Look, it's got warts, and that bowlegged stance. How clever of you to see it! Can you forgive me, brother?""Yes, of course, brother!""Oh, hooray!"You slap both of them. "Pay attention! You'll go where I tell you, all right?">Find a building with room for all of you and watch from concealment>Hold your ground close to the gate so that they can't get far>Run up and down the streets and loudly command any man who can fight to join you
>>41466958>Run up and down the streets and loudly command any man who can fight to join you
>>41466958>>Hold your ground close to the gate so that they can't get far
>>41466958>>Run up and down the streets and loudly command any man who can fight to join youCheck them, these aren't inspectors at all
>>41466958There doesn't seem to be anyone in command here, so you take charge. You ride lucky through the streets, sword held high and gleaming in the sun. "People of Witch's Mill! Order! Come to the aid of your town! Protect your homes and families! We can stop them if we keep calm and attack as one!"Yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea!" Tanyl says."Do you think I'll be any good at attacking things, Tanyl?""Yes, I know it! You'll hit the second hardest. Right after me.""What about the lady Carine?""Third hardest. But that's still very, very good! You mustn't let it make you feel sad, brother.""I shall try not to."You accumulate a large amount of routing militia, and you get them to rally again and protect the streets from the advancing goblins and their large machine. Everyone is white-knuckled with dread and anticipation. None are certain whether this group of inspectors will attack or be attacked, or whether a peaceful resolution is possible. The goblins lead the way to the front door of a building labeled as the tinkers' guildhouse, within sight of you and your men. Some militiamen guard the door."This is all sanctioned by the terms of our alliance!" says the goblin. "You've repeatedly betrayed our trust, and you're unworthy of our crafts. Let us search the guildhouses and we will harm n-"There is a loud cracking sound echoing from inside the machine. The smoke coming out of the back of it becomes thicker. A red glow comes out from between its seams. Without warning it goes berserk, attacking the very goblins who led it here.>Help the goblins attack the machine. Roll 1d100.>Help the machine attack the goblins. Roll 1d100>Watch them fight each other. Whoever wins, you win.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>41467518>Help the goblins attack the machine. Roll 1d100.
>>41467518>Watch them fight each other. Whoever wins, you win.Fuck that they attacked us, They betrayed the alliance agreements first
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>41467518>>Help the goblins attack the machine. Roll 1d100ROLL DICE
>>41467518>>Watch them fight each other. Whoever wins, you win.
>>41467518>Watch them fight each other. Whoever wins, you win.
>>41467518You smile. Sometimes life's all right. Sometimes fate is on your side. "Hold! Everyone hold!"The goblins circle all around the machine and try to shear at it with their mechanical polearms. The machine fires its forward-mounted cannon at them and one by one reduces them to smears of red and green paste on the ground. Spinning blades jut out from its sides, and one goblin is dismembered. Its armor plates and one of its wheels are damaged by the goblin weapons, but it's only a minute or two before the goblins are defeated. The last one runs away in fear, only to be shot in the back and turned into bits of pulp and a fine pink mist."We won!" says Tanyl. "I think I was especially brave in that confrontation and should get the biggest medal. You can all have medals, too, of course. Especially Amyl. He was very brave as well.""Is it over, Tanyl? It's looking at us...">I have to break here. We'll see where this goes next session.
>>41468009I guess we can return goblin tech to the goblins for brownie points
>>41468047I'm pretty sure we're going to have to dismantle it in the next session. Anyways, thanks for running, OP.
>>41468009thx 4 runin budi gud thred
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