Love the vampire gunman!

Seduce him.

>>42170705
Masturbate

>>42170705
It's been ages, geez!
Try to explain to the gunman that he's being a huge cockblock and suggest you reschedule to tomorrow morning.

>>42170705
Compliment his outfit. While he's distracted by that, kick him in the balls. Vampires still have those right? Probably.

>>42170705
eat garlic, fart on his face

>>42170705
>They Won't Let You Fuck The Princess! Quest
Why, though? Why won't they let Raban fuck the princess? It's real mean.

>>42170705
Where our lackeys at? Surely they can handle a mere vampire gunman! He's beneath us.

>>42170705
Do all vampires have glowing red eyes, or just the gunman variety?

>>42170932
Oh right. We do have a guard!

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“Hey, dude, can you maybe come back later or something? We’re kind of busy. Or we were about to get busy, at any rate.”

“HMM.” RIKALOKAMUMBO’K’TAAAZ considers. “NAH. SORRY, BUT THE BOUNTY ON YOUR HEADS IS WORTH MORE THAN THE SEXINESS, LITTLE LADY!”

“Well, the two of us could get busy instead.”

“Raban?!” Ava interjects. “What are you doing?”

“Shh, darling. It’s just a tactic.”

“HAH! YOU’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?”

“Yikes, I guess not. Well, looks like you’ve got us beat. At least I can take solace in the fact that the man who took us in was such a well-dressed gentleman.”

“OH? YOU LIKE MY OUTFIT? GOSH, NO ONE’S EVER APPRECIATED MY STYLE BEFO-“

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I kick him in the balls.

He screams.

Man, I don’t know anything about vampires. What am I supposed to do next?

>>42171304
Fry him with celestial lightning!

>>42171304
Got any garlic? Uh, stakes? Shit, we don't have a lot to work with you know.
Let's try asking him what his weakness is.

>>42171304
Take his guns! Shoot him with the guns! Then while he's recovering you gotta stake him in the heart.

>>42171304
Taking his guns is a good idea, but since we don't have a stake, let's just threaten him. Leave or you shoot him with guns!

>>42171304
Impassioned pleas will surely get through now that he can REALLY understand Raban's emotional pain!
>PLEASE let me fuck the princess already!

Pick up his gun and fire a couple of lead stakes into his eyes.

>>42171304
Grab his weapons then retreat to our allies, 4 vs 1 will make him back off.

break bedpost to turn it into a jagged stake.

>>42171304
Also, gotta compliment Raban's kick here. Excellent style, keeping that leg straight as an arrow. Majestic.

>>42171661
Prolly got some levels in dick-kick.

Find a way to burn his clothes
BURN HIS SHITTY STYLE

>>42171824
Whoah now anon, his style is pretty okay. Sure, it's very distinct, almost cosplay-ish, but it suits his trade!

>>42171866
Shit you're right
BURN HIS APPROPRIATE STYLE

Wait a minute maybe you shouldn't murder the guy. Vampires are people too.

>>42171970
Any one who intentionaly tacoblocks are not people.

>>42171970
Anon, he started it! He entered our room without permission, 'Murrica has taught me we're fully in our right to kill him for this.

>>42171970
HE STOPPED THE SEXY TIMES, EVEN AFTER WE POLITELY TOLD HIM TO WAIT
HE'S ALSO HERE WITH GUNS AND INTENDS TO TAKE SEXY TIMES AWAY FOREVER

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I grab his guns, but I have no idea how to use them.

I’m a farmer. I barely even know what these things are!

>>42172077
I feel this world is needlessly opposed to letting one foxy lady sex another foxy lady to be honest

>>42172103
SHIT RABAN GET IT TOGETHER

>>42172053
But what if we are in Vampire!Britbongland?

PISTOL WHIP
HAMMERTIME
WACK EM

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“Guard-chick!” I call out. “Uh… Yewlietta! Hey! Wake up!”

“Guh?” Yew sits up, blinking. “Noooo… Mom, let me sleep, I don’t wanna go to guard school…”

Oddly enough, Will has slept soundly through all of the commotion, and continues to do so.

>>42172136
Will is fucking useless, as usual.
Go drag Yewlietta out of bed and make her show you how to shoot the gun.

shove vamp out the window.

>>42172136
Play up her power! Act like she's a tough bitch who could beat him up any day and best protector, maybe we can psych him out.

>>42172136
Help this guy is trying to assassinate the princess!

>>42172136
I know, make her vouch for us! She's a trusted guard, right? She can explain that this is all a misunderstanding, and in fact there IS no bounty on our heads. I'm sure Mr Vampire will understand.

>>42172136
>How do you use a gun?

>>42172136
Guard chick I need you to help hide the body.

>>42172393
I know he's deader than usual being a vampire and all, but I don't think he's quite ready and willing to head for his last sleep yet anon.

>>42172136
>Small bed
>Not even cuddling
No wonder they're the sidekicks to our two protagonists.

>>42172523
Raban knows how to do a good cuddle.
That's euphemism for sex, right?

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“Yew, quick, tell me how to use a gun!”

“Huh? What?” She stands, wobbly. “I don’t know. I failed gun class. I just use bows and spears.”

“Crap.” I turn to RIKALOKAMUMBO’K’TAAAZ. “Well, you better get the fuck out before my friend here decides to beat you up. She’s the best protector in the world, and she’s a tough bitch besides.”

“HA HA! AS IF I WOULD BE INTIMIDATED BY A THIN STRUMPET IN A CAMISOLE!” The vampire gunman chortles loudly. “BESIDES, IT’S TOO LATE, THE PRINCESS IS ALREADY-“

“Yew, this guy is trying to assassinate the princess.”

“What?” Yew is suddenly wide-awake. “You mean he’s… an enemy to the throne?!”

“Yep.” I stand aside. “Go crazy.”

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It doesn’t take too long.

After she's done, Yew gets sleepy again. “Is that all, mom? Can I sleep a little longer? Pleeease?”

>>42172891
Wow, you go Yew.
Sure, she can sleep! That way, we can fuck the princess in peace, finally! Nothing could go wrong!

>>42172891
Yeah, go ahead, I'll give you a yell if he comes back.

By the way, even if you failed gun class, you still know the theory, right? You mind running it by me when you're done napping?

>>42172891
Yes. Yew. You can go back to sleep.

Yew best girl.

>>42172891
Stop calling me your mom Yew, I'm not that old or fat. OHHHHHHHH

>>42172946
She probably can't remember shit about it.
Still, maybe we can sell it for a pretty penny?

Thank Yew
With a kiss

>>42172960
Yew is pretty best, but I think princess has a lot of appeal too. She's feisty!

Will worst girl.

>>42173005
Will needs to be made a better girl.

>>42172891
>I'm not your mom, but sure. Sleep nice and heavy, alright?
The princess doesn't look scared or anything, does she? Would be a mood-killer and we don't need that.

>>42172997
This pun is fucking traumatizing anon.

>>42173015
With the effort of all us anons and the rest of the party, I'm sure we can make that happen!

>>42172891
Why don't you stand watch for a bit? Keep us safe and all.

>>42172997
I hope we do this, best idea.

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“Yes, Yew. You can go back to sleep.” I help her into bed and tuck her in. “Sleep nice and heavy, alright?”

“Yay! I will! I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, dear. Sweet dreams.” I give her a kiss on the forehead.

Within moments, she’s asleep.

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“Right, then!” I turn to the princess. “Ava, my dear, let’s return to our foreplay! Hell, let’s just skip the foreplay and go directly to fiveplay! Maybe even sixplay, if you’re feeling particularly feisty.”

Ava is silent. She looks kind of funny.

“Ava? You still want to have perfect passionate piles of steamy sapphic sex, right?”

She opens her mouth. “…but that amount of sultriness would be against my master’s will, pardner…”

Oh shit.

>>42173847
Jesus Christ, fucking vampires man.
Try to slap her out of it. If it doesn't work, wake Will and tell him to figure out what to do.

>>42173847
GOD DAMN IT I HATE VAMPIRES

Is he still out there? Go out there and beat him up some more until he undoes whatever he did.

>>42173847
Kiss her. It can break spells, who knows!

>>42173847
Wake our friends, we got a vampire to beat up.
Yew can guard the princess/thrall, Will joins us in our quest!

>>42173847
>"If you do not release your hold on her this moment, I will be forced to relieve my pent-up sexual frustrations using this gun I happen to have recently acquired instead."

>>42174034
>just told Yew to go to sleep
>wake her up again to solve our problems
Why are you so cruel, anon?

>>42173847
fuck her back to her senses, obv

>>42174070
Look, we weren't fully aware of the situation, alright?
We can give her a kiss to make up for it.

>>42173847
Throw water in her face! Slap her around! (Sorry, Princess). Figure out how guns work so you can snap her out of it with a loud bang!

He's not your master, your dad is his boss! You're his boss!

...or just kiss her. That's always how you break curses on Princesses, right?

>>42174132
My extensive research confirms this is the case anon. It worked in SEVERAL Disney movies.

>>42174081
But she looks creepy now, anon. And the subservience to someone else? Major turn-off.

>>42173847
> “…but that amount of sultriness would be against my master’s will, pardner…”
What, vampire gunman dislikes sex too? Geez, what a killjoy he is.

Are we ever going to get to fuck the princess?

I really want Raban to fuck the princess.

>>42174361
But they won't LET you fuck the princess.

>>42174397
We must TAKE fuck?

>>42174425
thats rape anon

>>42174448
Well, not take it from her, anon. But she consents generally so we take it from the assholes that try to stop us.

>>42174494
If they aren't letting us fuck the princess, and we're not even sure who 'they are', clearly the solution is to fuck everything else in existence first, so that they have no reason to complain once we eventually get to fucking her.

>>42173847
Consider the foolowing: The assassin mentioned that there is a price on both us and the princess.
Wanting royalty dead is nothing new, but we haven't offended that many people.
It shouldn't be too hard to figure out who wants us dead and blue balled.

As for the princess, we just get her to eat a garlick, or get her some silver, or a cross, or just get he to a church, give priest a bottle and have some fun on the altar.

>>42174841
The bounty was for him to bring the princess back. He wasn't actually an assassin.

>>42174858
Indeed.
The real question is why he hasn't made her get out of dodge and meet up with him yet.

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I slap the princess a little. Nothing happens. She doesn't even react.

I throw some water at her face, but miss on purpose and hit her shirt instead. Unfortunately, the fabric is too thick and rough to see through. Damn it!

I go to kiss her, but she pushes me away. "...no, I do not consent to any romantic or physical entanglements of any kind, pardner..."

Shit! Fuck! Shit! That's the one thing that I can't ignore!

>>42175119
>I throw some water at her face, but miss on purpose and hit her shirt instead. Unfortunately, the fabric is too thick and rough to see through. Damn it!
Good try, though!

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I run over to Will and shake him awake. “Will! Come on, buddy, wake up!”

“…bluh?” He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “R-Raban? What is it?”

“What do you know about vampires?”

“Uh… well, I’ve long suspected you were one.” He shrugs. “Seriously, though, Raban, come on. I know a LOT about vampires and werewolves and stuff. My cousins hunt those things, remember? You’ll have to be more specific.”

>>42175119
How did he know our one weakness?!

>>42175165
How do you break a charm?

>>42175165
How do you break vampire mind control?

>>42175119
>>42175165

>Grab him and point toward Sheriff Bitchfangs

"THAT."

>Point towards yon mind-addled lady

"Is MESSING WITH MY CHANCE TO GET WITH HER. Also he might want us dead so how do we poof him?"

>>42175165
>Wait, you have family? I thought you just crawled out of a hole.

>How do you break vampire mind control? Do we need to call your cousin?

>>42175165
Everything. But mostly this charm thing he's got going. And also how to get him to leave us alone!

>>42175165
>Good, you can fight him then! I'm cheering for you, Will!

>>42175218
The vampire is not indoors anymore.

>>42175165
Okay, how do I stop vampire swirly eye magic boxblocking me.

Idea: Pretty up Will, send him to seduce the vampire.

>>42175165
>“Uh… well, I’ve long suspected you were one.”
Ask if it was your irresistibly magnetic charm he confused for vampiric mind-control. An understandable mistake.

>>42175165
Messy-hair Will is fine too.

What made you suspect that? Is it the way I sssparkle in daylight?

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“Wait, why did you think I was a vampire?” I grin. “Was it my irresistible magnetic charm? The way I sparkle in the sunlight?”

“Actually, it was your unhealthy paleness and the way you show all your teeth when you smile, like you’re about to bite whoever you’re looking at.” He sighs. “So what’s with the sudden interest in vampires, anyway?”

I point at Ava. “Ava’s pearly whites are swirly reds now. I think that the vampire might have had something to do with it.”

“Wait, what?! The princess is a thrall? There are vampires?!” He stares at me. “Shit, Raban, how long was I out?”

“Like an hour or two, maybe?” I shrug.

“What the fuck did you do, Raban?!”

“Look, it wasn’t my fault, okay? He was here for the princess, not me.”

“But you’re the one who abducted the princess!”

“We both did, dude. You were there too.”

“Because you turned me into a fugitive! And a woman!” He puts his hands to his face. “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! I don’t want vampires chasing after me, Raban!”

“Then I guess you’ll have to help me kill them. Or it, really. There’s just the one.”

>>42176639
It was kind of a pussy, one nut-shot and a sleepy guard sent it packing.

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“Only one?” Will’s expression changes. “Oh, well, that’s different.” He immediately grabs the end table, flips it on its side, and quickly breaks one of the legs off of it. Pulling a knife from his hip, he starts whittling the table leg into a stake.

“Is that a ‘yes, Raban, I will help you kill vampires’?”

He snorts. “It’s a ‘fuck you, you owe me so much for the past two days, Raban’. Although, technically, I guess it’s both.” After a moment, he starts tying his hair back.

“That’s a good look for you. I approve.”

“Yeah, yeah. It was getting in the way.” He waves the compliment away and brandishes his newly-made stake. “You’re just lucky that my uncle had me go on the occasional ‘field trip’ with my cousins. So, where is this vampire, then?”

>>42176709
Uuuuh...
>Ask the princess where the vampire went off to.

>>42176709
Don't bitch Will, we got you in bed with a hot chick!
Anyway, time to search for a vampire gunman.

>>42176709
Hopefully still lying in the street outside.

>>42176709
>Me and yew threw him out a window. You're a heavy sleeper by the way.

>So, monster hunt? Maybe he cut himself on the glass. If he bleeds any we'll be able to follow the trail

Did they use silver bullets on those field trips? Cuz I have a six shooter here that's useless in my hands.

>>42176709
>>42176803
This is definitely a good point. Backing before I sleep.

>>42176899
This too, I bet he can use a gun.

>>42176899
watch Will be a secret gun nut

Vampire Huntresses Willamina is a go.

>>42176709
>‘fuck you, you owe me so much for the past two days, Raban’.
I'm pro plenty much any plan here that ends with my getting fucked.

>Where is the robot
Yew threw (hehe, rhymes) him out the window. He's either still laying on the ground or being sneaky. Guess I woke the wrong person up?

Also he left a gun. Did your cousins teach you how to gun?

>>42177028
We don't really owe him, right? We got him laid, we got him partnered with a cute guard who's real strong and can protect him, we got him out on an awesome adventure instead of boring village bureaucracy, and we made him a chick, which is clearly awesome.

That's worth more than a couple saves!

>>42177028
Willamina needs short shorts if she's going to hunt vampires.

>>42177204
Good point. She needs a sporty, yet somewhat revealing outfit.

>>42176709
Looking dashing there Will.

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“He should still be in the street. Yew and I threw him out of the window.”

We go to the window.

“Where is he?”

“Uh…”

“Wow, Raban.”

“He was there a second ago!”

“He’s a motherfucking creature of the night! Did you at least check to be sure he was dead?”

“No. I had… other priorities.”

“You ignored the undead monster in favor of fucking the princess, didn’t you?”

“…maybe.”

“You know, that’s the funny thing about kidnapping a princess from literally the most powerful people in the kingdom: in general, they won’t LET you fuck the princess.” He puts a hand to his forehead, then breathes out through his teeth. “Whatever. Did you manage to do any damage? Tear out his teeth, rip off his claws, or disarm him in any other way?”

>>42178081

Hold up those guns.

>>42178081
Uh...his balls must be well-sore?

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Well, I did manage to grab these after I kicked him in his vampiric ballsack.” I hand Will the guns.

“Holy shit.” His eyes go wide, and a smile starts creeping over his face. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit this is so awesome THIS IS SO AWESOME”

“What is it?”

“I have no fucking idea!” He giggles, examining one closely. “I mean, they look like they’re custom-built! Custom-built weapons, probably two of a kind, used by one of the top soldiers in the kingdom! Eeeeee!”

“You, uh, you’re looking very dashing, there, Will.”

“I bet we could fit these with silver bullets, if they try to send a werewolf or a boggart or whatever after us! I mean, damn, these almost make the boobs and vagina and fugitive status worth it.”

"So does that mean you forgive-?"

"No."

Did Yew do anything other than throw him out the window?
If not, I guess his guns is all. The firearm kind, sadly his arms are still attached as far as we know.

>>42178162
Gun nut after all, huh.
Anyway, that's not fair Will! In that case, we want the gun back!

>>42178162
Right, note to self, steal Will more cool weapons to keep her happy.

Pls can you go shoot this jerk now. Even if you don't forgive me yet, she doesn't deserve to be all swirly eyed, does she?

>kidnapped
I dunno, she wanted out. See us as less of evil kidnappers and more as heroic rescuers.

>>42178162
Let's, uh...avoid arguing the point with the chick that has a dangerous gun.
Now he can deal with the vampire, right?
Night RV, thanks for running.

>Did you at least check to be sure he was dead?
He's a vampire, what's to check. All vampires are dead.

Plus hey, blood trail to follow.

>>42178291
>I dunno, she wanted out. See us as less of evil kidnappers and more as heroic rescuers.
This is true. She's not been complaining, right?

>>42178370
I'm surprised he can even bleed.

>>42178347

Sleep well, buddy. Thanks for posting.

>>42178423
It's not gonna be 30 days to the next thread, r-right?

>>42178162
Okay well we'd better follow the vampire.

...will the princess be okay here?

>>42178162
Awww, well almost, right? Even, soon!
Does the gun help us with the vampire?

>>42178466

Nah, it'll be sooner this time. I had medication issues and job trouble and other sad lesbian problems, so I was delayed for a while between threads. This thread's not over yet, by the way.

>>42178512
She'll have Yew watching over her! Nothing could go wrong.

Well, let's make sure she's awake first.

>>42178162
Gun-nut Will is unnervingly adorable.

>>42178551
Awww, well I hope you're doing better now! I'm glad to hear you might run more.

And yeah, I got that, no worries!

>>42178592
It's the sudden anime eyes. I'm sure the rest of them would be adorable too!

I'm surprised Raban doesn't have it around cute girls in general if it's related to their passions.

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>>42178592
Sexy Gunslinger Vampire Hunter Will when?

>>42178843
The next time Will lets us mess with their wardrobe, obviously.

>>42179079
So, never?
Not that we need his permission to mess with his wardrobe.

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“So, you can shoot the vampire now, right?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m a pretty good shot. We’ll need to stake him to finish him off once and for all, though. That’s the only way to free the princess, by the way. Either kill the vampire or convince him to set her free.”

“I guess we’ll have to kill him, then. Until then, I’ll stay here and look after the prince-“

“Ha. Fuck no. You’re coming with me. I need you watching my ass.” After a moment, he looks frustrated with himself. “And I mean that in the figurative sense!”

“Aw.” I turn to the princess. Ava stares at the wall, drooling a little. “Well, we can’t leave her here alone.”

“Well…” Will jerks his head towards Yew.

“Yeah, yeah. I just feel bad about waking her so quickly after putting her to bed.” I clear my throat, then call out. “Yewlietta! The princess is in danger!”

“ENEMIES TO THE THRONE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!” Yew yells, sitting up quickly, her eyes wide. “…huh? What’s going on?”

>>42179208
>We need you to watch the princess' ass, literally. Also figuratively, but I figure one of us should get to have some fun at least. We're off to deal with a vampire!

>>42179208
>Vampire, thrall, gonna kill her, make sure she doesn't drool everywhere- gonna get all up in that later and that's not where I want the fluids coming from okay BYE.

>>42179208
"We need you to watch the princess while we go and hunt down the vampire who hypnotized her.

>>42179307
*gonna kill it

>>42179208
Keep the princess from doing anything or moving anywhere, her mind is under siege and you must keep her calm and safe. Alright? Restraints are allowed but no hanky panky.

>>42179208
vampire mind controlled her, may try to make her escape. make sure she doesn't escape. if she tries to order you just remembered that she is under control and it is a vampire talking not the princess.

>>42179208
>And I mean that in the figurative sense!
We can manage both.

>huh? What’s going on?
Vampire did a swirly eyes thing on the Princess. Will's gonna shoot it to death (double death I guess, since it's already dead) and you're gonna make sure she stays safe and doesn't do anything charmed stupid while we're gone.

Remember, the Princess is under magic mind control! So don't follow her orders till she's better.

>>42179384
>We can manage both.
But we don't need an invitation for the literal sense!

>>42179208
You missed the show, Yew! How can you sleep so much? Alright, do your job and guard the princess, okay? She's a bit out of it but we'll fix that.

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“The vampire did a swirly-eye thing to the princess, Yew! She’s been hypnotized! Her mind is not her own!” I lay it on thick, just in case Yew is still half-asleep. “You’re the only one who can keep her safe. Make sure she doesn’t do anything or move anywhere. You can restrain her, but no hanky panky until I can join in. Ignore any orders she gives you. It’s not her talking. You got all of that?”

“Wait…” Her eyes get very large. “I have to protect the princess from… the princess?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“This is the greatest challenge I have ever faced.” Yew whispers. She salutes. “I won’t let you down, mom - uh, ma’am!”

“Thanks, Yew. We’ll be back in a little while. Wish us luck.”

“I wish for you to have luck!” Yew’s words are awkward and formal, but still comforting.

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We follow the blood trail to the blacksmith’s house. The door’s lock has been broken open with force.

I notice that Will is shaking a little. “What’s up, man? You okay? I thought you’d done this before.”

“Raban, shh!” He mumbles.

“It’s just blood so far. Nothing actually scary yet.”

“It’s not ‘just’ blood. Vampire blood explodes in the sunlight.”

“Whoa, what?”

“Vampires are weird and terrifying creatures, Raban!” He hisses. “Now be quiet!”

I sigh and continue to stare at his beautiful ass.

>>42180625
Look up

>>42180625
it's on the roof.

>>42180729
At his cute ponytail?

>>42180625
Follow the blood-trail, girls!

>>42180625
>Vampire blood explodes in the sunlight
So we just laced the street with a explosives on a time. Does that make us terrorists?

Vampire went up. You might have to push / pull will out of the way so they can shoot it.

This also gives you an excuse to up hands on that body you're guarding.

>>42180767
Of course. We need to figure out what kinda haircut would best suit Will.

>>42180625
Hmmm...
Torch the building, then shoot the vampire when it tries to escape.

Do we still got the stake?
Maybe we can get a good stabbing opportunity while Will wrestles the vampire.

>>42180625
We could open all the windows so that when the sun comes up it detonates all the blood

>>42181161
This sounds just stupid enough to work, except...it's not morning yet is it? Else the blood we just followed would have been blown up already.

I'm gonna have to give in here too, this started pretty late in the evening here so. Thanks for the thread!

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“Will! Look up!”

Will looks up, then yells. “Vampire!”

I grab him by the shoulders and pull him back. His skin is so soft!

The vampire follows us out of the door.

“Shoot it, Will! Shoot it!”

Will just stands stock-still, staring into the vampire’s eyes.

>>42181676

Use Will as a Puppet, BLAM BLAM, STAKE

>>42181676
Grab Will's butt! It definitely will shock him out of it!

>>42181676
VAMPIRES OP

>>42181676
Aww shit. Turn will around so he's not looking into its eyes!

>>42181676
Grab the gun and shoot that vamp.

>vampires steals our harem

What? Do WE have to become a vampire to get it back?

>>42181676
SHIT.
QUICK, NIBBLE HIS EAR AND MOAN.

Dive forward and poke the vampire in both eyes so it stops doing that!

Then try to snap Will out of it.

God damn it Willamina, man up! If you turn into a stupid worthless vampire zombie thrall thing I'm selling your sexy ass to slavers instead of watching it!

>>42181887
It doesn't count when they can't consent anon! Raban would never harem thrills.

>>42181676
kick him in the balls again

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"Damn it, Willamina, man up!"

"HAH! TOO LATE, STRUMPET, YOUR 'WILLAMINA' IS NO MORE! NOW THERE IS ONLY MY THRALL, AND I COMMAND HER TO KILL Y-"

"Oh, fuck off, the both of you." Will grumbles.

Then Will shoves the stake into RIKALOKAMUMBO’K’TAAAZ's chest, and the vampire gunman breathes his last foul undead P.R.A.T. breath.

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“Nice one, man! I thought he’d gotten you.”

“Nah. I’m immune. Turns out it’s like the measles or something - you can’t get enthralled twice. My cousins had a ‘good’ vampire prove its ‘friendliness’ by having it enthrall me, then let me go. Then they killed it, because there’s no such thing as a good vampire.”

“Oh, that explains it.”

“You know what it doesn’t explain?”

“What?”

“Why your hand is on my ass.”

>>42182406
>>42182442
THANK YOU BASED WILLAMINA

WE'LL BE SURE TO GET YOU A GIFT

AND BY GIFT, I MEAN SHORT SHORTS AND A HOLSTER FOR THAT GUN.

>>42182442
The real question is why your ass is on my hand

>>42182442
Will has vampire blood on him! You have to clean that up before sunrise.

>>42182442
Shup up. You told me to watch your ass, I was making sure it was secure in a moment of crisis.

>>42182442
Because groping your tits is a little too forward

>>42182442
I was just so afraid we'd never be able to have this moment. I had to cease the opportunity.
Mmmm. The firm, supple opportunity.

>>42182442
Goddamn, blood-covered Will is pretty damn hot. Is he really that set on the "not having sexy lesbian sex" thing? Because his tough, no-nonsense, action chick thing is really doing it for me.

>“Uh… well, I’ve long suspected you were one.”
>they killed it, because there’s no such thing as a good vampire.
Hey! Will was thinking about killing you.

>>42182442

You've got some explosives on your face.

>>42182442
Wait, Will said that vampire blood explodes when exposed to sunlight, we gotta make sure we 'clean' her properly. To the baths!

Distract him.
"Hey Will your nipples are trying to escape. Ohh my, did you get turned on by this?"

>>42182442
Oh no, Will! You're covered in explodey vampire blood! You'd better take off all of those dangerous and unnecessary clothes and let me wash every inch of your body to make sure you don't blow up!

>>42183341
We'll have to lick it all off. That's the only way to get it somewhere where the sun don't shine.

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"Hey, you're the one who told me to watch your ass. I just saw an opportunity to secure your ass's safety, and I seized it."

I'm expecting Will to get angry, but instead he just starts grinning, like he knows something I don't. "You certainly did."

"...what's up with the creepy smile?"

"Just remembering the time I got enthralled. Specifically, the recovery from it."

"What do you-?" Suddenly, Ava comes to mind. I (regretfully) let my hand drop from Will's wonderful ass, and then I run back over to the inn.

Wait wait! Remind Will to loot the corpse. Maybe it had more cool toys than just guns.

>>42183482
This.

Take cowboy hat and holster. And whatever else is on there.

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I burst in, searching for Ava.

“Whoa! Is everything okay, ma’am?” Yew asks, concerned.

“Is the princess alright?”

“She fell asleep after her eyes stopped doing that swirly-thing.” Yew steps aside and shows Ava, tucked into bed with a big smile on her face.

Will walks in and closes the door behind himself. He’s still wearing that insufferable smile. “Yeah, she’ll be sleeping for a day or two. Pretty much nothing can wake her until then. Magic sleep is like that.” His grin expands slightly to each side, and it looks like he’s going to laugh. “I hope the two of you didn’t have any plans for tonight.” He giggles slightly, then turns to go to the bathroom. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to wash all of these explosives off of my face.”

>>42183469
Uh.
Lookin a little rapy there Willie.

>>42183508
Fucking DAMMIT.

Foiled again!

>>42183508
Fall to your knees and do a dramatic "nooooo!"

Then go torment Will to make yourself feel better. Maybe you'll have to seduce Will or Yew to tide you over in the meantime.

>>42183508
Oh well, we can cuddle I guess.

Buy short shorts in the morning for Will, though.

>>42183508
Tackle Will.
Lick the blood off.

>>42183552
No, we've got to hook them up together.

>>42183560
Don't forget the holster.

Poke her in the tiddlybops.

>>42183508
Save the explosives in a light-proof container. Then you can throw them at the next bounty hunter that attack us in daylight. Vampire blood grenades.

>>42183564
Angrily and aggressively. Channel all of your frustration into each tongue stroke. Pin her down and lick the fuck out of that blood-soaked whore.

>>42183508
*shakes fist
"Damn you P.R.A.T.S"

>>42183639
Maybe lick her eys a little bit. You know, once we're into it.
Taste her tears. See if they're as bitter as our own.

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Very frustrated and very irritated at Will, I lunge for him as he lets the rest of his hair down in preparation for a bath.

"Whoa!" He grabs me and pushes me back. "What the fuck, Raban?!"

"Well, uh, you know. I was going to help get the blood off of you."

"Um, how, exactly?"

"...licking."

"...Raban, no."

"Oh, come on-"

"No, I mean, Raban, if you do that, you'll become a vampire. Which, I'm pretty sure, is not a thing that you want to be."

>>42183842
If you become a vampire you'll miss out on all the sexy gals who hang out in daylight, and in swim suits on beaches and stuff.

Also Will would probably kill you.

So I guess that plan is out. Unless...

Will you're not just making that up to try and stop me from licking you, right?

>>42183842
No, it's not.

We'll buy you shorts later, Will.

>>42183842
I dunno, lots of girls seem to he into the "dark, mysterious lady of the night" thing nowadays.
Besides, the Sun's been hell on my skin lately. It might already be too late.
What I'm saying is I'm going to lick the shit out of you.

>>42183842
Yeah he's right you can't hit on people ONLY at night, that's just creepy.

>no more swimsuits

Yeah, definitely don't want to be a vampire.

This vampire is an asshole. He's re-dead and he's still blocking us from both sexytime with the princess and showing Will how awesome her sexy new body is.

Is Yew available for licking and/or other completely wholesome and innocent activities? I mean, it's not like the princess is actually going anywhere anytime soon.

>let Will take bath
>Help Will take bath

Come on guys. Being a vampire is not worth needing to cover up during the daytime.

>>42183842
Okay, no licking, but we are clearly morally obligated to help our sexy savior clean up.

We could become a Vampire/Vampire Hunter tag team with Will.

>>42184081
Absolutely.

>>42184059
Help Will. If he objects, point out that if he still plans to waste a perfectly good pair of tits by turning back into a male, then it's not even really his body that we'd be looking at. And touching.

>>42184125
The ultimate wingwoman pair-up.
We can set Will up with chicks by kidnapping them as an awful creature of the night, only to be slain by the heroic and beautiful vampire hunter who carries her to safety in strong, yet soft arms.
Meanwhile she can set us up by giving young village girls in the tavern "warnings" about how we'll sweep them away in a night of passion to bring them life and beauty eternal.
It's the perfect plan

>>42184081
THEN the licking.

>>42184256
I like the way you think, Anon

>>42184256
And it all starts by licking Will.

Damn this is tempting. But it would probably make it harder to fuck the princess with vampire hunters on our sexy ass.

>>42184338
True, Belmonts are sexless pricks...

>>42184338
THIS

Can we not make our vampire-ness an obstacle to fucking the princess?

>>42184378
Obviously she must join us as queen of the night!
That's a step up from princess, you know.

>>42184378
She might be iffy on necrophilia...

>>42184399
Refer to the quest's title. We're already in enough trouble as it is, let's not add undeath to it.

Also, we might not be a sexy vampire. You saw what that bounty hunter looked like.

>>42184409
Just stuff your underwear with hot water bottles a half-hour or so before sexytimes, she won't even notice the difference.

>>42184429
Ah! But with my plan, she'll no longer be a princess, thus making the title void.
There's nothing stopping us from ducking queens, now is there?

>>42184429
Oh god, if we become a vampire we'll be forever cursed with terrible fashion sense!

>>42184456
She'd still be a princess.

>>42184474
Princess of the Damned sounds pretty sick.

>>42184688
And we'd be Princess of the Never Banged, which would not be pretty sick.

Looks, vampires are stupid dead jerks. Why would we want to be a stupid dead jerk. You can't even use your powers on anyone without them falling asleep which is totally boring too.

Raban doesn't need to contemplate vampire-suicide just because she hasn't fucked the princess yet.

>>42184729
Fuck, you're right...

We don't need to lick Will. We have plenty of other body parts we can use to clean him.

For example, we should definitely do that thing where one person soaps up their body and then rubs it all over the other person's body.

Will may not approve of us treating him as a woman, but there is absolutely no man, woman, or man turned into a woman, who doesn't enjoy boobs rubbed all over their body.

Raban is killllllllllllllll!

Well, I tossed it in the archive, at least.

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“Hey, man, just imagine it!” I throw an arm around Will’s shoulders. “Me, vampire queen of the night, you, vampire-hunter extraordinaire! I tempt the young girls with a wild ride of sexual pleasures and forbidden lusty wonderments, then you can be the dashing savior, rescuing the girls from my dark clutches! We’d be the greatest mutual wingwomen the world has ever seen!”

“I’m still a man on the inside, Raban.” Will grumbles. “Besides, what about the princess?”

“She can be my dark bride, the other sexy vampire queen of the night!”

“So, how much of this did you make up just so you could find a reason to lick my new body?”

“…most of it. But it’s still a good plan, Will! It could really work!”

“Suuuure. Hey, can I, uh, talk to Yew for a bit? I need to see if she’d be down with this ‘plan’ of yours.” He tries to slide out of my grip.

>>42188186
mmmmmokay.

>>42188186
Can we drop this plan.

It's a bad idea.

>>42188186
On the second thought, being undead might change some priorities which is no good. Lets stick to getting away from kingdoms cronies.

>>42188186
This is the part where we "settle" for just a soapland, right? ...maybe also get "forced" into including Yew in it?

Oh, this thread is still going huh? Nice, sleep has cleared my mind and made me ready to fuck the princess.

>>42188186
Raban, you're drunk. Go to sleep with the princessfu.

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“Oh, fine, just forget that whole plan. Spoilsport.” I look at the floor, feigning misery. “Gosh. Now I feel stupid and sad. If only there was someone nearby I could take a bath with and/or soothingly bathe as thanks for being my sexy savior…”

Will just sighs, puts a hand to his forehead, then turns and walks away, off into the bathoom.

I notice Yew. “Hey, Yew. I don’t suppose you’re up for sexytimes?”

“Sexytimes?” She repeats, curious. Then she jumps, as if shocked by something. “Oh no! The curse! I completely forgot about it!”

“The curse?” It takes me a a moment. “Oh, uh, right. The curse. Mm. Witchcraft. Yes.”

“Oh no! No no no! I don’t want six of everything!” She looks very distressed. “But here you are being so caring and diligent in curing me…”

“Yes. That is me. I am a person who cares.”

“How long will it be until the curse takes effect? Should we, uh…” Yew glances at the empty bed, then back at me. Then she blushes. “…uh… how does the cure work again, exactly?”

>>42189170
Oh, it's quite simple! Mere skin-contact with one who has not been affected by the curse will help, the more the better. But for complete cure, well...

>>42189170
>Well, how about you join me under the sheets and I'll show you?

>>42189170
Oh, luckily for her, it seems the curse is slow-acting in her body. But of course, the sooner you get it out, the better. And it also means it's quite resilient, you might need multiple 'healing' sessions to get it all out. Quite unfortunate, but it's quite the pleasant procedure!

We won't wake the princess if we, uh, cure her right? I mean, not that it'd be such a terrible thing if she joined in, but...probably needs her sleep.

>>42189170
>Give her a vigorous hands-on explanation

>>42189170
Yew a cute. Nurse her back to health!

IT JUST WERKS
FUCK YEW

>>42189407
In the literal sense I hope.

>>42189307
Hands and mouth!

>>42189170
You should do sexytime with Will, Yew. We gotta tend to the princess.

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“Well, Yew…” I place a hand on her shoulder. I can’t stop myself from smiling. “The curse’s effects can be delayed by simply having soothing skin contact with someone unaffected by the curse.”

“Oh! Yay!”

“But to cure it completely…” I gesture towards the bed.

“Oh.”

“You know, you’re lucky, in a way. The curse is slow-acting in your body. Unfortunately, that also means it’s particularly resistant.” My grin gets wider. “You might need multiple healing sessions, if you don’t feel fully ‘cured’ after the first.”

Yew nods. “Well… you’re the expert.”

“I am that, yes. I am a curse expert. A hexpert, if you will.”

“I think I'd like to be cured now." She blushes. "So… what do we do first?"

>>42190034
excellent, fuck the bodyguard to get warmed up for the princess.

>>42190034
You should go join Will in the bath and do the thing you did with him before while he was still afflicted. Combined effects will purify your body and soul from the taint of this disease.

>>42190034
Let's take her to bed!

>>42190034
>get undressed and I'll join you in bed

>>42190076
>letting Will have all the fun
Pls no

>>42190034
Raban has grinch-tier smiling ability.

That said; fuck yew. Wait, no I mean, fuck Y- agh...

>>42190034
GIVE HER THE V!

>>42190034
Hmmm...we don't have any sex-music to play. Curse these medieval times and their technological ineptness.
Well, straight to the point it is then.

I hope Raban makes sure to be gentle.
So how will we get interrupted this time around?

>>42190359
Surprise Will vampirism.

Holy shit OP how are you still going? Did you start running as soon as you woke up or something?

I'd never have the energy and dedication for this at least.

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“Get undressed.” I tenderly massage her shoulder. “I’ll join you in bed.”

A minute or two later, the door opens. “Hey, there aren’t any towels in the bathroom. Are they downstairs or do we have to bring our own or wh-“ Will stops mid-sentence, staring.

“…”

“…”

“…”

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“B-but… how?” He stutters, face blank. “I was gone for like five minutes, tops. Just… how? Are you a succubus or something, Raban? A literal sex god? What in the fuck-?”

“It’s not what it looks like!” Yew squeaks. “She’s just helping to cure the curse!”

“…What?” Will’s face wears an expression I’ve never seen him make before.

>>42190755
C'mon Will, don't do this to us bro! We were so close! We were practically done already!

>>42190755
Well if he wanted dibs he could have said something...

>>42190728

I'm bipolar, and I'm in a manic phase at the moment. Also, yeah, I did start just after I woke up, and I took a brief nap between updates 77 and 78. Besides, I don't like to leave a thread unfinished! It's just so unprofessional.

>>42190755
That's sex goddess, thank you very mutch.

>>42190819
Ah, well stay healthy! We did notice the nap.

>>42190755
I dunno if this is a prompt or if another pic is coming but hey.
>Look babe, you're welcome to join in after you've washed off the blood! You deserve some thanks after dealing with the nasty vampire after all.

Guess we shouldn't have kept up the curse shtick huh. I'm sure Raban could get Yew in bed even without it.

>>42190755
Alright, so we maaay have exaggerated the curse a bit. But Yew was happy to have some fun, right?

>>42190755

...Sorry? Please don't stake me.

>>42190196
Will is our bro. He deserves some action after taking out the vampire. Don't be a dick anon.

>>42191711
But he already fucked that guard in thread one, anon! I don't mind letting him have some action, but not at our expense.

>>42191746
Then perhaps we shouldn't had had tried to fuck the princess. We made that bed, we gotta sleep in it. Along with the princess.

>>42191779
I don't begrudge him some guard-action of course, but when Yew is willing and Will doesn't seem in the mood anyway, there's no reason to play matchmaker (sexmaker?).

Did you fall asleep again OP?
Couldn't blame you if you did.

>>42191906

Nah, my mouse ran out of batteries, so I'm waiting for it to charge. Update will be in around five to ten minutes. Sorry for the wait!

>>42191957
>battery-powered mouse
My condolences.

>>42190755
>Literal Sex god
Oooh! I like that. Yes, yes I am. That's Sexy Sex Goddess Raban to you, Vampire Huntress Willamina.

>“…What?”
Yes will, the curse. The one we discussed with the king only yesterday?

...did you want to help administer the cure?

Although you should really wash off first. No one wants to turn into vampires or explode.

>>42192069
I'm sure there's somebody with fetishes for that too.

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“Ooh, sex goddess. I like that. Sexy Sex Goddess Raban. So, what’s up, Willamina the Vampire Slayer? Do you want to help me… administer the cure?” I pat the bed. “I’m sure we could make room.”

“Um…” Yew mumbles. “…I don’t know…”

“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Will glares.

“Whoa, what’s your problem, man?”

“Raban, you can’t make someone have sex with you under false pretenses! That’s, like, borderline rape!”

“Psh, she’s enjoying it. Besides, you didn’t seem to have much of a problem with it back at the castle!”

“It's not like you gave me much of a choice! What else was I supposed to do? If I’d tried to weasel out of it, they’d have figured out the truth and thrown us both in prison!”

“Uh…” Yew blinks. “What are you two talking about?”

>>42192419
Awww man.

>>42192419
>Alright, look, the curse isn't real, alright? I made it up so I could see the princess. You're safe!
Who let realism-man into my silly adventure quest!?

Good on Will for taking one for the team though.

>>42192419
Let's say, hypothetically, there was no reason to sleep with me except our mutual pleasure. You'd still be down, right Yew? Right?

>>42192419
>Yew, do you want to have sex with moi?
Fine, let's clear things up then!

>>42192419
I just really wanted a nice time with a cute girl, there's no curse. So...still want to fuck?

>>42192419
>Apologize to Yew
Seems like the best way to head this off and not anger the vampire-slayer. But man, if Raban was a dude she'd have the bluest balls right now.

>>42192419
>“Uh…” Yew blinks. “What are you two talking about?”
Will doesn't [i]believe[/i] in the curse, Yew. So he thinks my trying to cure you is wrong.

What do you say Yew? Would you be repelled by me if you weren't cursed?

...also, if we wanted to get preachy, pretty much the entire idea of dating and/or picking people up is about getting together under questionable pretenses.

>>42192715
I dunno if getting preachy would help right now, sadly.

At least the princess definitely wants Raban!

>>42192715
There is a difference between making yourself seem more appealing by lying about a job or whatever and outright 'we should have sex or you'll get sick' though.

>>42192419
Will looks scary with all that blood on her.

>>42192419
Oh no Will, look, the sun is rising! Quick, run to the bathroom and clean those explosives off!

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“Uh… let’s say, just hypothetically, that there was no reason to sleep with me except for our mutual pleasure. You’d still be down, Yew, right?”

Yew considers this. “I don’t know. I’d have to think about it. I’ve got the princess to consider, after all!”

I consider trying to figure out what she means by that, but then I decide against it. “But you wouldn’t be repelled by me, right? You wouldn’t be against recreational sexytimes with me?”

“Not particularly.” Yew shrugs. “I don’t really feel one way or the other.”

“I’m sorry, Yew.” I bow my head. “The curse isn’t real, alright? I made it up so I could see the princess. You’re safe.” I wince and brace myself for her reaction.

“Whoa, seriously? I’m not going to grow six stomachs and six rows of teeth and six heads and-“

“No! No, you’re fine.”

“That’s awesome!” She laughs. “I’m safe! Man, I was so scared...”

“Yeah, but she tried to use that fear to bang you.” Will points out, annoyingly.

“Oh. Well, that’s kind of mean.”

“I’m sorry.” I'm sincere.

“You’re forgiven!”

“That easily?” Will blinks.

“Eh. It’s cool.”

Suddenly, you’re distracted by the princess. Ava is mumbling loudly in her sleep.

>>42193671
See Will, why can't you let things go like Yew? I bet Yew would have killed the vampire WITHOUT getting blood on her.

>>42193671
Will you've done your good deeds saving maidens from vampires and me for the night. Seriously, go wash off the explosives.

Go listen to princess mumbling. Is she having a nightmare? Talking in her sleep?

>>42193671
Fuck yeah Yew. She's pretty best girl.

>>42193765
Narrating her wet dream about Raban no doubt.

>>42193671
Attend to princess and listen what she is saying!

>cuddle princess

>>42193671
Will, wash off. Yew, unless you're still up for sex, go to sleep. I'll check out what Ava's saying.

>>42193671
>Listen to what she's saying.

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I go over to the princess’s bed and lean over to listen to her sleep-talk.

“…ruh… rah-ban… where are you? m’lonely…”

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Without hesitation, I slip into bed with her.

She’s warm. In moments, she’s wrapped her arms around me. I hold her close.

Oh well. I might not be able to fuck Ava yet, but, at the very least… we can cuddle.

>>42194355
Thanks for running, it was a lot of fun.

>>42194355
Thanks for running.

>>42194355

Next time:
>you can't cuddle the princess

>>42194355
>22 hours
Yeowza.

But we can fuck her next time, right?

>>42194355
Thanks for writing!

>>42194432
You monster. Stop giving our QM ideas.

>>42194355
Sleep well, until the sunrise exploding street wake-up call.

>>42194419
>>42194422
>>42194486

Thanks, everybody! I do my best.

>>42194455
>22 hours

Shit, it really did take that long, didn't it? Yikes.

Still, it was fun the whole way through.

>>42194585
At least you got a nap.
Maybe it's time for proper sleep now!

>>42194585
Good to hear, I'll look forward to next thread

>>42194455
NEVER.

>>42195649
B-but...she wants it anon. Why can't Raban fuck her?!

>>42194455
Of course not. She's gonna spend the next thread asleep.

Then after that she's going to be starving and weak after not haven eaten or drunk for days.

The vampire's princess-blocked us for DAYS.

>>42196291
Fucking vampires man. Why they gotta be such assholes?

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>>42196431
Yeah, they really do suck.
I'll see myself out.