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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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>make a deception check to convince bandits im one of them
>I not only deceive them into thinking im one of them
>i convince them im their leader
>i convince myself im their leader
>live out the rest of my days as a bandit leader
>need to sneak past some guards

>roll bluff check to convince first guard I am his father who left whe he was a child


>he believes it

>he takes me home to his family

>they all greet me with "Pop pop finally came home"

>mfw I have grandkids
>go to give an old friend a hug
>DM says to make a strength check
>do it anyway
>i crush my best friend's ribs in front of his wife and children
Go to Hades and get him back, Heracles.
>Strength check to climb
>Climb so hard you fly into the sky, roll for falling damage
No no no.
>Strength check to climb
>move the entire plane down instead of yourself up
>Need to get over wall

>Make climb check to scale it


>put hand against wall

>Launch into space

>Land on Mars

>Roll engineering


>Terraform that shit

>Other people join me

>Mars now colonized.
>We can only have fun if the dice say so
Gotta love PnP Roleplaying.
>roll a Perception check
>nat 20
>perceive the underlying 84400-dimensional hologram structure of all possible realities
>go mad from the revelation
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Naw, it just looks like a rave.
>roll to attack enemy
>sword flies from hand, rotating like a boomerang
>decapitates all enemies in the dungeon
>flies back into hands

>Random Search check to see if I can find any loose change
>I search so well I find myself and become enlightened, giving up on the life of an adventurer
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Props for getting the reference. I can't remember the exact number though.
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Alternatively you see that they're taking the Hobbits to Isengard
>Swim check
>nat 20
>discover Atlantis
>> Roll stealth check to hide for an ambush

>> 20

>> Hide so well I lose myself

>> Roll up new character
Don't ask how it meshes with WildStorm being integrated into the DCU, go to a /co/ Morrison/Hypercrisis thread for that.
Everytime this happens to me
I just think this is playing in the background.
>Roll Sense Motive as a NPC is speaking
>Suddenly understand his whole life story, motivations and this extends to his whole race
>Get crowned King and usher a new age of peace on the land
>roll Ride check for a horse you're riding
>nat 20
>meld with and become one with your mount
>congrats, you are now a centaur
>A bunch of people are speaking at once
>I need to hear a single creature's words
>Roll perception
>I hear and comprehend every single conversation around me, details and all
>Hear woman telling her friend how guilty she feels about cheating on her husband
>Also hear her husband, across the room, bragging to his friend about how he is cheating on her too, feeling proud of himself for keeping it a secret
>The person who they are both cheating on each other with is my target, who is currently bragging about all of the people he is sleeping with
>I go up and use my falchion to kill him in front of everyone
>The couple runs to the dead man, crying over his body
>They find out that they both were cheating on each other with the same person
>Their shared grief and revelation of their guilt brings them together, causing them to cuddle while mourning their dead lover in the middle of the room
>I walk out of the establishment, proud of myself that I may have just saved a marriage
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Fucking. Beautiful.
Welcome to traditional gaming, where you can solve domestic issues with murder
>Roll escape artist check
>squeeze my entire body down to the size of an atom
>collapse the space around me
>begin attracting matter with my intense gravitational full
>shift into black hole and destroy the entire planet
Okay then, Film Theory's Antman.
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>make escape artist check
>as a halfing rouge
>roll twenty
>then butt god happened.
>make a diplomacy check to get a discount at a store.
>Nat 20
>clerk ups and leaves handing me the deed to the store, a list of all its suppliers, his safe key, his clothes, and a kiss on the cheek.
>make lore check on strange cult
>natural 20
>know all of the cult's doctrine
>In fact I fucking wrote it
>I am actually the BBEG
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>met some goblins in the middle of a ceremony
>roll deception to convince them i bring slaves with me
>nat 20
>goblin priests thinks I'm their god
>I'm now convinced I'm a god
>ascend to godhood
>it's the nat 20 meme
>roll perform to bring back Nat 20 meme

>You can guess the rest.

>Try to make a joke in tg
>nat 20
>make a meme
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> >make lore check on strange cult
> >natural 20
> >know all of the cult's doctrine
> >In fact I fucking wrote it
> >I am actually the BBEG
Yes, that's what he said.
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> > >make lore check on strange cult
> > >natural 20
> > >know all of the cult's doctrine
> > >In fact I fucking wrote it
> > >I am actually the BBEG
>party traveling in the woods, running low on food
>roll survival to forage
>nat 20
>character becomes a hermit with max druid levels
>leaves behind the party and his other "chains to society" to live in the woods forever
>fighting with my signature weapon
>roll to attack
>nat 20
>drill pierces the heavens
>roll for anal circumference
>integral of x^(x-1)
>your anus is bigger than your character
>collapse into an anal singularity
Is that gonna become a thing?
Cause, damn if so. I made a fucking thing that became a thing.
fucking mechanicus bullshit
>make intelligence check to remember the magic word that opens the cave entrance
>I remember my past lives as an arch-mage and demigod
>I unlock the secret of mana
>fuse with magic itself and transcend
Well, it may not belong here but
>Playing a paladin
>Wizard fucks with my mind and makes me see my party members as demons
>They do dumb shit to reinforce that notion
>Roll faith to not smite
>Nat 20
>And then i killed all of them
>trying to intimidate shopkeeper so he lowers his prices for me

>roll a 20

>he lowers the prices ridiculously low

>I work out that if I buy the right amount/type of goods under these conditions he will owe ME money

>spend 20 minutes in shop

>get 1000 feet of rope, a longsword, 30 daggers, 300 days of rations and 6 tents for -10 gold

>Other shoppers chastise me for my extreme [s]couponing[/s] bargaining
Fighter: God damn-it where did Frank go
Druid: Maybe he like, Ascended yo
Cleric: Don't be stupid Jamal.
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>Playing a student in Economics class
>Intelligence check to say something smart
>nat 20
>I ask my teacher why the value of money couldn't change
>He just looked at me like I blew his mind
>I become a stock broker
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>bard attempts "detect motive" on a random-ass catfish
>he rolls a 20
>mfw I'm the gm and am forced to come up with a back story for a catfish
But the value of money DO change...

>try to bait
>natural 20
>end up believing my own shitty bait
>> > >make lore check on strange cult
>> > >natural 20
>> > >know all of the cult's doctrine
>> > >In fact I fucking wrote it
>> > >I am actually the BBEG
>Trying to jump over small pit.
>Nat 20
>Jump over it with such force I begin to fly foreward at mach 5
>Crash into wall and explode.
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>Ask DM if I can roll for my character to call him out for reading off the wrong location card
"How would you even roll for that?"
"Strength check against the fourth wall."
>mfw DM allows it
>mfw natural 20
>make lore check on chaos cult
>natural 01
>know all of the cult's doctrine
>including their patrons true name
>executed by party for probable heresy
>Need to rescue party member from tower
>Try to bluff my way past guards
>Nat 20
>They all flee from the tower convinced that I'm an unstoppable ten foot tall elven demigod
>On the floor, dying from grievous injuries
>Make death saving throw
>Nat fucking 20
>I ascend past mortality itself and become a permanent entity in the universe, unable to ever die in any form
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It's the middle of the day anon, no point in baiting during off peak hours
Underrated post
>Attempt to decipher text from a language I haven't seen
>Nat 20
>I know the entirety of the language, and I know it better than anyone who has ever known it. I know it so well that it's the only language I ever speak from then on.
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>be browsing /tg/
>see a dice right beside me
>decide to roll it, why the fuck not
>i need to think something funny for this roll
>exclaim to myself "I make a bluff check to say something stupid"
>suddenly, see a post of mine in this thread
You should have rolled to brush your teeth.
This is the dumbest shit and bait
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>tfw tg ruined the nat 20 meme
it's better when the consequences of the critical success end up being negative, rather than super duper positive
>be catfish
>I like mud
>I'm hungry
>make a bluff check to tell the king his daughter is dead and totally not in my private plane of existence
>nothing out of the ordinary happens because you don't fucking crit skillchecks
>go on with business
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>this isn't what I'm used to
>I don't like change
>stop doing things different, you're ruining everything
>climb down the cliff on the rope
>lose holind on the rope, roll to catch myself
>nat 20
>grip and pull the rope so hard it causes the whole cliff to collapse on me.
>Decide to scale wall of enemy fort
>Oh shit, I'm going to fly off into the sunrise
>Roll to hang on to the wall
>nat20 2.0.jpg
>fort walls are coming WITH me
>Well, if I'm flying into the sunrise with this wall, may as well hit something with it
>nat20 3.0
>I just girded Venus with the walls of Troy
>Later that day, Trojan War ended

Still died horribly, but everything went better than expected
Of course I'm full of it
>Of course I'm full of it
Jesus Christ.
You open a fucking thread on 4chan, expecting honest replies, and this is what you get?
Damn it.

Whoa, relax, anon. You are way too stressed out over that.
No. No.
I am incredibly upset.
I mean, look at posts like >>42835853, >>42829280, and >>42829113, who are obviously just sharing stories from their games, and then this one shithead comes along and ruins everything.
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No, he's right. This thread and this meme are shitty.
When a joke comes full circle and becomes what it was originally mocking, it stops being funny.
Unlike most of the posts ITT, it actually happened in a game.
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>Transporting some treasure across town to my party's keep
>A group of bandits ambush us in order to steal our stuff
>Roll to intimidate them
>The bandits are so scared of my presence that they lose their sanity. Some kill themselves right on the spot
>DM asks me to make a perception check
>I see my reflection off of one of the bandit's eyes
>I am become death, destroyer of worlds
>My party is in shock. Some want to draw their swords at me, but can't bring themselves to.
>The cleric weeps and breaks into prophecy. Even his gods fear me.
>I purchase a new helmet to cover my face. My true form must never be seen again, not even to myself.

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