>Archive links:http://archive.moe/tg/search/subject/Hyperdimension%20Dwarf%20Fortress%20Quest/type/op/order/asc/http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Hyperdimension%20Dwarf%20Fortress%20QuestTwitter: http://twitter.com/BlorpQuestYou are Souls, the unimaginatively-named moe personification of Dark Souls, and- well, you’ve never been one for complicated introductions. Life is too short for such things, and you don’t mean that figuratively: you’re facing down little miss Space Station 13, one of the most notorious outlaws that Gamindustri has to offer (and, bar none, the most broken in the head).What’s particularly relevant to your interests is how Thirteen seems to be batting for the dark goddess Arfoire- and here you are, running around Leanbox and trying to ferret out evidence of Arfoire's corrupting presence.You just /love/ it when you complete your mission without needing to die more than five times, tops."What's red and white and running all over?" she gibbers, a thin line of drool trailing down the side of her mouth. "Anyone who doesn't bow down to Arfoire! HONK!" That drool, plus the flat joke, would make anyone else seem less threatening; here, it just makes Thirteen look flat-out terrifying.>[X] [GRILL FOR INFO] Thirteen doesn't have enough sanity to keep her lips sealed. Ask for more details: exactly who she's working for, what she's been doing, and ESPECIALLY how she "shut up a purple-haired goddess bitch."“Hah,” you chortle jovially. “Ha, ha, ha, ha.” You’ve heard people describe your laugh as anywhere between off-putting and awkward- more than enough to defang all but the most potentially violent situations, or at least buy you enough time to get the hell out of dodge.That... that doesn't prove to be necessary here.(Cont.)
>>42856593Thirteen just sort of stares at you for a moment, her face slowly lighting up into a big, doofy, awkward grin as another one of her many personalities surfaces. “R... really? You liked that joke?” she breathes, almost unwilling to believe her ears.Consider /that/ question nicely sidestepped. “You have any more like it?" you drawl. "Preferably any about purple-haired goddesses?”That’s the sort of lackluster attempt at sneakiness that only three-year olds would fall for. And then there’s Thirteen, who immediately drops her homicidal trappings and tries to please. "Yes! O-Of course! Honk!" she blabbers, wringing her hands excitedly. "But- oh no, I don't have my pirate costume! Or I-I could pretend to be a robot? Beep boop, honk honk?" Thirteen shuffles woodenly in place, although you can't- oh god she's trying to do a robot dance.Y'know, honestly, you think you like her better when she's trying to kill you.[ ] [KEEP TRYING] Gently nudge her along and try to get her to spill the beans. Sure, it's a risk, but you're not going to get a better source of information short of digging up Arfoire and asking /her/.[ ] [ESCAPE] You don't have time for this! Ein needs your help, Blanc needs to be captured, and /your/ boss desperately needs what little info you have.[ ] [FIGHT] Take down Thirteen while she's distracted and locked into her weird clown personality! You need whatever info she has, even if it means taking it by force![ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>42856603>[ ] [KEEP TRYING] Gently nudge her along and try to get her to spill the beans. Sure, it's a risk, but you're not going to get a better source of information short of digging up Arfoire and asking /her/.
>>42856603>[ ] [KEEP TRYING] Gently nudge her along and try to get her to spill the beans. Sure, it's a risk, but you're not going to get a better source of information short of digging up Arfoire and asking /her/.Be a bit more blunt than that though.
>>42856603>[ ] [KEEP TRYING] Gently nudge her along and try to get her to spill the beans. Sure, it's a risk, but you're not going to get a better source of information short of digging up Arfoire and asking /her/.Nice to have you back so soon Blorp.
>>42856603>[x] [KEEP TRYING] Gently nudge her along and try to get her to spill the beans. Sure, it's a risk, but you're not going to get a better source of information short of digging up Arfoire and asking /her/.
>>42856603Kill this monster and end its suffering.
>>42856962HONK butt HONK HONK butt
How bad would it be if we just left Urist, Mojang, KSP, and Space Engineers together for a week without any oversight as to what they do?
>>42857513Blue screen of death
>>42856603>[X] [KEEP TRYING]You heave a weary sigh. It's stuff like this that makes you regret not just calling it quits and retiring somewhere. Sure, you're still young and you're theoretically full of energy, but you've seen enough death (and experienced more than your share) to drive you up the wall. You'd be content to just sit back and watch your protege do all the work- she's coming up quite nicely, and died her fiftieth death just a few days ago.Small wonder it takes the prospect of a good, challenging, and above all /unwinnable/ battle to get you excited again, huh?Right. Once more into the breach. "No, no, I'd like to hear something a little... fresher.""F-Fresher?" Thirteen whimpers, cowering like she's afraid you're going to deck her.You give her your best reassuring grin. "Yeah. Something a bit more to do with current events, you know?" That's really as far as you're willing to go without just straight out shaking her by the shoulders and demanding to know what happened, but it seems to do the trick- this aspect of Thirteen brightens up immediately, losing her stutter.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQK9QD8esec"Ooh! Ooh! That's right! We broke into the Planeptune Basilicom! That was HILARIOUS!" the outlaw squeals, hopping up and down in her excitement. You don't really need to ask what she means by 'we.' "They have the worst shitcurity we'd ever seen- er, /had/ the worst shitcurity," she adds sheepishly."... hah." You plaster a sickly grin on your face, shoving the mild horror to the back of your mind (at least you've had practice) and making a mental note to tell your boss to step up Basilicom security like the world's about to end. "Ha, ha, ha. They must've been hopping mad, right? Especially the goddess."(Cont.)
>>42857744"Ooh, yes! HONK!" Thirteen adds. "And I even got to help! I slipped her bodyguard the banana," Thirteen brags. "And then I took her stupid side ponytail and stuffed it up her nostrils so it looked like a mustache! You should've seen it! She looked so mad- I was honking all the way home!! And that purple-haired ding-dong head was like-" and here, she does a passable Neptune impression "- 'kyaa, don't harvest my bodily fluids,' and then Virologist was all like 'oh, we're not here to HARVEST your bodily fluids,' and then she started crying so hard that snot dribbled out her nose and-"You jerk as Thirteen's fist suddenly whips around and slams into her own face, knocking the psychopath off-balance. "N-No, I'll be good, I- fucking shut it, griffon, are you trying to- c'mon, it's my turn now, she's been talking for like- please, I wanna finish the joke- KILL her already, what're you- Arfoire's gonna-"As Thirteen arches her back and howls wildly, you can't help but feel an unexpected pang of pity. Maybe it's how some of her personalities don't seem that bad, or maybe it's just that she never asked for this.Or maybe it's just that you're afraid that you're looking at a vision of yourself, a year or two down the line.Ha, ha, ha, ha.“Shut up. Talking’s gone on long enough, grayshit,” Thirteen snarls, suddenly and worryingly lucid- another one of her personalities, then, and one that's a hell of a lot less likely to converse. Glaring at you through a mass of unkempt blonde bangs, she whips out a rod and flicks a switch, causing electricity to arc off its knobby end. (Ha, ha, ha, ha.) “Gonna gib the hell out of you. You like that, smartass? Gonna laugh at us now? Gonna-"(Cont.)
>>42857771Thirteen suddenly lunges at you, but you're ready for her- she barely grazes you, but you're already halfway through your forward roll, and nothing gets through /that/."- gonna feed you to the ling and let her win this fucking game!”Right. Playtime's over.[ ] [ESCAPE!!] You've wasted enough time here as it is, and you REALLY don't want to tangle with her- if your info's correct, Arfoire's lackeys have gained an inexplicable amount of power, and you don't want to die (again).[ ] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.[ ] [LET HER KILL YOU] Nothing like a quick death to cut down on transit time, right? Sure, this has its own risks, but you'll shake her off your tail. [ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>42857790[ ] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.
>>42857790[ ] [ESCAPE!!] You've wasted enough time here as it is, and you REALLY don't want to tangle with her- if your info's correct, Arfoire's lackeys have gained an inexplicable amount of power, and you don't want to die (again).
>>42857790>[ ] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.Nah, at the very least she ain't getting away
>>42857790[X] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.
>>42857913Imagine it Blorp.IMAGINE IT
>>42857790>[x] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.One thing less to worry about in the immediate future.
>>42857513>>42857936EVO, Ogres, Dorf.Crossover teamup.
>>42857963A that is how the universe had a stroke
>>42857771wut... did did I just get mentioned or is it just one of thirteens personalities anyways[ ] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things
>>42856593damn I missed a bit, WELCOME BACK BASED BLORP!
>>42857790>[X] [TAKEDOWN] Try to defeat Thirteen before skedaddling. Sure, it's an uphill battle, but... well, it's an uphill battle, and you thrive for these things.The split-second you make that decision, a gate of white fog envelops your sight for just long enough for you to realize that your internal physics have identified this girl as a full-on boss battle.You may have just made a grave mistake.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k95b29ip4HUThirteen jabs at you again, and you pitch yourself to the side- dammit, she's fast. Not hard to dodge so far, but that's only because she's probing you, trying to get the measure of you. She's turning back toward you, but you're already swinging, the familiar weight of your claymore settling into your hands, and you slam into her unprotected side with all the force you can muster.She doesn't even flinch. Thankfully, you're already halfway through your /next/ forward roll- though maybe you were too hasty-The outlaw cackles and swings her baton like a baseball bat, hitting you just as you stand back up. What feels like ten thousand volts of electricity arc into your body and sear through your nerves. Your muscles seize up in sequence as a ring on your finger draws most of the lightning and dissipates it, and then you're staggering away, spots dancing before your eyes. Unsteady on your feet but still in the fight, you turn to face Thirteen-And then your world erupts in noise and enough light to burn out your eyes. You howl and stagger /again/, trying to blink away your blindness, and clammy hands grab onto your wrists, slapping on a pair of handcuffs- or they WOULD, if you weren't instinctively rolling away, the one move you can do in your sleep. Yet another forward roll sends you hurtling through the bushes, and then you're running, running, blind as a bat but swift as a goat.(Cont.)
>>42858820Normally, you wouldn't particularly mind a fatal turn of events, but- damn. Despite her threats, Thirteen isn't planning to /kill/ you. You can't respawn if she trusses you up, and then Ein will be in even MORE trouble.Your world goes from white to gray as your sight starts returning to you, and you start running with just a touch more certainty. It doesn't LOOK like you're being followed, but you can't hear well enough to be sure of anything. Your hearing's starting to recover, though- after a few more moments, you realize that that high-pitched buzzing sound on the edge of your hearing is... your phone.You're not sure HOW you're even getting reception right now- wasn't Leanbox supposed to be under some sort of communications blackout? Did... did it get lifted?You glance around furtively before flipping it open. "Yeah?""Souls," the clipped, no-nonsense voice of your boss begins, entirely without preamble, and you relax a little. "Status report, now.""Blanc put up resistance, and she's had a few of her friends over, too. I got separated. Ein's probably tied up fighting Estelle, who was acting strange." Not that that even begins to describe how the normally honorable veteran gutted you like a fish. You sigh, staring up at the sky and Leanbox's Red Ring of Death. "It's... as you said, boss. Leanbox's facing some big problems."The voice pauses. When it starts up again, the person on the other end doesn't sound particularly confident anymore, just... shaken and hesitant, for all its professionalism. "I see. Good work. Please stand by for further instructions."You can't exactly blame her. No goddess should have to see her rivals murdering each other like rabid dogs on TV, or worry about how all the signs point to another Arfoire-fueled Console War-Or tear her hair out over how an entire nation appears to be going corrupted."Yes, Lady Noire.">CHOOSE A CHARACTER TO SWAP CONTROL TO:[ ] [ESTELLE] Battling Arfoire![ ] [EXEY] Moving bases!
>>42858855[ ] [EXEY] Moving bases!>tfw we couldn't summon wheel skeletons to fight for/with us.
>>42858855>[ ] [EXEY] Moving bases!On to Death and little and big sisters
>>42858855>[ ] [EXEY] Moving bases!sure this but who was Exey again I`m drawing a blank unfortuantely
>>42858906ahh sorry septembers been too long
so uhthere was some suggestions on a scene last thread that i said ill give a shotcouldn't get it to work how i wanted though, so it's abandoned now unfortunatelyfigured ill throw up whatever i had anyway>>42858855> [X] [EXEY] Moving bases!
>>42859027Hey that's newThat's also pretty nice
>>42859027What about the clusterfuck that ended up with Urist being groped by two people at once under her armor?
>>42859027yesYESAnd now I can properly visualize WHY Urist was willing to commit grievous bodily harm to get that picture deleted. Thank you, anon!
>>42859027Thats actually really awesome
>>42858855>[ ] [EXEY] Moving bases!>>42859027I love this pic so much
I just realized our stint with Souls involved first person dialogue for a change. I don't recall that being the case before.
>>42858855>[X] [EXEY]You are Exey, the moe personification of XCOM (or, well, the moe personification formerly known as X-COM), and you have been around for a long, long time. Not that you look your age, but then again, /no one/ in Gamindustri looks their age. You're not about to let a little thing like /that/ stop you from feeling good about it, of course, but you DO wish you were just a bit taller.Anyway, you have quite the distinguished track record, occasionally marred by the questionable decision and a few long, long hiatuses. Years ago, you would've thought that you'd be in some cushy government posting by now, maybe as a coordinator high up in the Gamindustri-wide Adventurer's Guild hierarchy or something. You'd hardly even DARED to dream that you'd catch Lady Vert's eye and work in the Leanbox Basilicom or something, maybe even as an acting advisor...!Well. You DID catch Lady Vert's eye. It's just... not quite how you'd imagined things to turn out."(´・ω・`) Ran-Ran quite enjoyed the ride!" Vert's (´・ω・`)-faced assistant chirrups, unloading a particularly ergonomic-looking computer chair off the Skyranger's loading ramp. "(´・ω・`) Nice and smooth, with no random encounters." Behind her, Rokko is bent double underneath the weight of a computer desk, the Blue Bomber bearing her load with characteristic stoicism.Right now, you and your VTOL-capable aircraft are nothing more than a glorified moving van, and it's grating on your nerves a little.... well, okay, maybe that's not fair. Urist's injured friend, Mojang, had long since been moved into the secondary base, and she's resting in one of the back rooms now. There's probably no safer place for her to be right now; even with Vert's guidance, you could barely pinpoint the secondary base from the air, and even the Skyranger's sensors couldn't penetrate whatever it is that's shielding the place.(Cont.)
>>42859693And if you hadn't been in the Skyranger, you wouldn't have been able to contact Urist and deploy your /own/ troops in support of the little dwarf girl."I have to agree," Vert adds smoothly. Still in her HDD form, the Leanbox goddess runs a hand across the benches that ferry soldiers to the battlefield and back to your base (albeit with far fewer occupied seats on the return trip). "I'm quite curious as to the internal rules governing this craft! The... Skyrover, was it?""Skyranger, ma'am," you manage between gritted teeth."Oh, please dispense with the formalities, I- ah, you don't have to move that!" Vert quickly pads over to Rokko, who's barely managing to budge some sort of combination dresser/storage unit. "Once the Red Ring of Death goes off, we should be able to move back into the Basilicom. This is a temporary measure, at best."Before you can question the assumption that you'd allow your Skyranger to be used as a self-storage unit as well, Ran-Ran gives her boss a somewhat dubious look, although it's hard to tell underneath that mask and all. "(´・ω・`) Are you sure about that?"Vert hems and haws for a moment before making up her mind. "On... on second thought, perhaps it would be for the best to move it in with the rest. Thank you, Rokko.""U-Understood," the Blue Bomber grates out neutrally, before putting her shoulder into her task again. "If this is the last piece, I-I am sortieing to rendezvous with Urist."(Cont.)
>>42859720Your eyebrows quirk up a little. There... there ARE a few things you'd like to piece apart here.[ ] [RED RING OF DEATH] You really should ask Vert exactly what the thing DOES, other than the vague statement of "will stop Arfoire from being a problem."[ ] [BLUE BOMBER] Wait, she's just going to tromp through the jungle all alone to meet up with Urist? Doesn't that strike her as being just a little bit too dangerous?[ ] [ARFOIRE] Vert seems awfully laid-back about the fact that Urist is fighting against Arfoire (which you DID report to her). Is there anything you should know?[ ] [WRITE-IN]
>>42859745>[ ] [RED RING OF DEATH] You really should ask Vert exactly what the thing DOES, other than the vague statement of "will stop Arfoire from being a problem.">[ ] [ARFOIRE] Vert seems awfully laid-back about the fact that Urist is fighting against Arfoire (which you DID report to her). Is there anything you should know?
>>42859745>[ ] [ARFOIRE] Vert seems awfully laid-back about the fact that Urist is fighting against Arfoire (which you DID report to her). Is there anything you should know?Even Rokko is kinda not panicking
>>42859745>[ ] [ARFOIRE] Vert seems awfully laid-back about the fact that Urist is fighting against Arfoire (which you DID report to her). Is there anything you should know?
>>42859808yeah I like this idea. >>42859720why didnt you just have rookies do it?
>>42860013>Have rookies do anything but die
>>42859745>[X] [BLUE BOMBER] Wait, she's just going to tromp through the jungle all alone to meet up with Urist? Doesn't that strike her as being just a little bit too dangerous?
>>42859745#>[ ] [ARFOIRE] Vert seems awfully laid-back about the fact that Urist is fighting against Arfoire (which you DID report to her). Is there anything you should know?
Did Blorp died again?
>>42859745>[X] [ARFOIRE]>[X] [RED RING OF DEATH]You look back and forth between Vert and Rokko, doing your best to keep your expression neutral. "My apologies, but... is there something I should be aware of?"The Blue Bomber doesn't even register your question; she's already disappeared through the base doors, lugging the last piece of furniture in behind her. Lady Vert does not travel lightly, although you suppose goddesses do get a pass where that's concerned- but anyway, she blinks down at you. "Hmm? What do you mean?""With all due respect, my soldiers made contact with the dark goddess herself," you say quietly, hands behind your back. "Their last report made it very clear that Arfoire had not only copied Estelle, but had engaged the /real/ Estelle in battle, along with Ein, and possibly Urist and Shovel Knight." Their last report also cut off right before you could get a clear picture of what was going on, mostly because your soldiers- high-ranking veterans, all of them- had glitched to non-existence. "Lady Vert... should we not take more immediate action?"An emotion you can't identify crosses Vert's normally placid expression, and she sobers up slightly as she shakes her head. "Even if it were necessary, I don't think it would be wise. Currently, large swathes of Leanbox are within Arfoire's control, and she's managing to send out orders to confuse various adventurers living in my nation."You nod reluctantly; you can't help but think back to the girl you've nicknamed Elda (if only because it annoys her), and how she'd talked about "orders" supposedly received straight from the top.(Cont.)
>>42860640"The only thing Arfoire needs to truly cement her grasp on my nation would be to scan me and make a full copy of my abilities as they are now." Vert crosses her arms under her chest. Not that you can blame her, since you don't think her HDD outfit was designed with /support/ in mind. Unless there's some sort of gravity-defying device baked in- but you're getting ahead of yourself. "If I were to meet her in person and get incapacitated for just one moment... it would be risky."Risky, but not risky enough to stop Rokko from doing as she wishes- you cut that thought off; maybe you're being unfair. Vert doesn't exactly have much power over the Blue Bomber, a veteran of comparable age with the likes of Estelle and Ein."Besides," CPU Green Heart continues, brightening back up a little. "Arfoire can hardly be at the peak of her power, if she's truly just awoken. Urist and the others should be fine; they only have to hold out until the Red Ring of Death activates, and Arfoire will cease to be a problem for the immediate future."Right. That IS the other thing you wanted to ask about. "If I may ask, what exactly does the Red Ring of Death do?" Vert didn't actually give Urist a straight answer, but... you yourself are more of a veteran than the Dwarf Fortress girl could hope to be, and you have a long and storied history with Leanbox.Maybe, just maybe, you won't have to do what Maia- the moe personification of Civilization, and someone who acted like she had a clear line-of-sight to the future- told you would have to be done.It takes you a moment to realize that Vert hasn't actually replied yet. You latch onto her hesitation. "Lady Green Heart?""As an actual matter of fact..." The goddess glances around, probably making sure that Rokko can't hear you two, before leaning in conspiratorially. "I'm not sure," she whispers."YOU'RE NOT-"(Cont.)
>>42860697"Shh! Shhh!!" Vert hisses, a finger to her lips. "I mean, we know what the Red Ring of Death does /in theory/, but not in practice. It's old enough that it counts as a piece of archeotech, and we've uncovered enough to get the /gist/ of its intended purpose: it should, and will, dump Arfoire and her allies into the space between dimensions. That's it. She'll find her way back eventually, but we should have time to prepare."... in all honesty, that doesn't exactly fill you with confidence. You thank CPU Green Heart for her time, and once she walks into her base (presumably to check on Mojang or start rearranging furniture), you start pondering your next move. And you can't help but think of what Maia told you, back before you'd gone to rendezvous with Urist:"When the Red Ring of Death goes off," Maia chuckled ruefully, her lightly accented words making her sound all the more like some ancient oracle, "we're all gonna be in for one hell of a ride." And then she'd proceeded to tell you, very very exactly, what it is you need to do should the worst come to worst.At the time, you'd dismissed it as bunk, but now...You watch Rokko tromp out of the secondary base, say her goodbyes to Vert and Ran-Ran, and start tromping off into the forest, calling her robot-dog-slash-flying-surfboard into existence.>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:[ ] [GO WITH ROKKO] Accompany Rokko to that dungeon. Urist needs backup, and for what you have planned, perhaps it's best to stick as close to Arfoire as physically possible.[ ] [STAY WITH VERT] You're not keen on leaving the goddess mostly unattended and at the whims of whatever Arfoire might have planned. Besides, you've got your own preparations to take care of.
>>42860731>[ ] [STAY WITH VERT] You're not keen on leaving the goddess mostly unattended and at the whims of whatever Arfoire might have planned. Besides, you've got your own preparations to take care of.They've got lots of firepower down there already.
>>42860731[ ] [STAY WITH VERT] You're not keen on leaving the goddess mostly unattended and at the whims of whatever Arfoire might have planned. Besides, you've got your own preparations to take care of.
>>42860731>[ ] [GO WITH ROKKO] Accompany Rokko to that dungeon. Urist needs backup, and for what you have planned, perhaps it's best to stick as close to Arfoire as physically possible.we are calvary
>>42860731>[ ] [STAY WITH VERT] You're not keen on leaving the goddess mostly unattended and at the whims of whatever Arfoire might have planned. Besides, you've got your own preparations to take care of.
>>42860731> STAY WITH VERT
>>42860731>[X] [STAY WITH VERT]Right. If Rokko's going off to give Urist backup, then someone had better stay behind and keep Vert company; Mojang is in no shape to do anything right now, and Ran-Ran doesn't look like the type who can fend for herself.To be fair, if it comes to that, YOU prefer not to have to fend for yourself, that's what minions and soldiers are for, but at least you've got guns.You look up at the sky, listening with half an ear as Rokko's Rush Jet putters off into the distance; the Red Ring of Death, high up as it is, seems to fill your vision. Judging from how it's glowing, there's very little time left before it goes off- maybe half an hour or more, maybe less.You've got some work to do.(Cont.)
>>42861562You're Estelle! As the moe personification of Dragon Quest, you're one of the oldest adventurers still adventuring around in Gamindustri. Back in the day, you basked in fame and fortune, though it never really sat that well with you.Maybe that's because you'd learned, long ago, that fame and fortune come with their own specific downsides- like making you a very big target for Arfoire, who swooped in, copied your likeness, and then used it to turn your friends against you while causing widespread paranoia.You spend a lot of time in nostalgia lane, but you've walled off a lot of those side streets in your memory. Fighting Arfoire- an Arfoire wearing the face of your somewhat younger self, no less- rips the bandages right off all those wounds."So you've learned some new tricks, have you, Estelle?" the dark goddess sneers, raising a perfect copy of your shield and warding off your blow. You can feel her black aura pressing against you, the sheer /power/ slumbering in her horrible ancient bones. "Dyed your hair blonde, hmm? No matter. You've always been so, so easy to copy, and that's-"She thrusts out a hand wreathed in purple flame, but your body is ready. Your boot lashes out and thuds against Arfoire's kneecap, cutting her off with an enraged shriek, before you simply hammer the hilt of your sword against her face about ten times, the last blow hard enough to snap her around 180 degrees; she staggers just in time to get caught up in an ice storm, courtesy of Ein.Let's just say that you're a little mad right now, and leave it at that! Mad enough to use one of Urist's tricks, even."Shield up!" Ein shouts from behind you; falling back on old habits, you kneel down and raise your shield, and you brace yourself as your former protege uses you as a kickstand. The Warrior of Light twirls through the air- just enough time to highlight her athletic form, the showoff- before diving into Arfoire, smashing into her like some vengeful meteoroid.(Cont.)
>>42861585And just like that, it's over.Ein falls in beside you- very literally, in this case- as you approach the downed goddess. You don't lower your sword and shield, of course, and the Warrior of Light keeps her own ridiculously fancy weapon up and ready. Footsteps ring out behind you; you don't turn, but you smile a little with relief as you hear Urist's voice, loud and clear and thankfully accompanied by BLANC'S voice, and-- and then you feel it in your bones as the Red Ring of Death activates. There's a hum that seems to make the very earth itself shudder, and energy seems to pulse downward from the heavens, passing through you without incident. To your immense satisfaction, Arfoire shrieks and writhes in place, her glamour juddering and making it look like her outer appearance is rippling.Your immense satisfaction immediately dissipates when you realize that your adopted little sister is screaming, as is Shovel Knight."Urist-!" You whirl around, your breath catching in your throat. The dwarf girl's leaning against the wall and trying to clamp down on her screaming, Shovel Knight is doubled over and very clearly in pain, and /both of them are literally going ragged at the edges/.(Cont.)
>>42861606"G... goddammit..." Urist hisses, biting her lip so hard that blood trickles down it, her outline wavering. A hysteric part of your mind can't help but giggle at how your little sister's using what little lung capacity she has to curse /everything/. "What... what the /hell/...?"You're by her side in less time than it takes to blink, desperately trying to hang onto your little sister; without even realizing it, your arm's lashing out and grabbing Shovel Knight's wrist as well, as if that would even help. "Come on, Urist- you guys- just- just hang in there, okay??" you almost whimper, trying not to panic as you turn to the stunned Warrior of Light. "Ein, come on, help-""Oh, this is rich," Arfoire chuckles, trying and failing to straighten back up, even as reality continues rejecting her very existence. "Really, no one got the memo, did they?""The moment of understanding draws near," Ein intones, her sword out and pointing straight at Arfoire's throat- a grandstanding gesture, since the dark goddess is probably in more pain than anything a sword can do to her right now. "The heroes' weapons will not be stayed if the wheels of destiny do not give an answer, right at this moment-""You don't get it yet? Stupid little girls," Arfoire continues, cutting Ein off with a wave of her hand. "The Red Ring of Death is doing its job, just as intended. Booting me out of Leanbox and reality, along with anyone who has even the slightest bit to do with me."The breath catches in your throat, and it hits you like a thunderbolt even as the dark goddess cranes her head to look at both Urist and Shovel Knight. "Now, let's have a show of hands..."How many adventurers do you think were born in the Gamindustri Graveyard?"[TO BE CONTINUED]
>>42861627OKAY, that's about as far as we're going tonight! Next thread's gonna be on MONDAY, 10/5, at roughly 8:30-ish pm EST! As usual, updates're going on https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest, and questions can go to ask.fm/BlorpQuest and stuff!Thanks for participating tonight, and sorry for the exposition-heavy(?) thread- things'll be heating up starting from next thread, so see you next time!---BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! I'm gonna start pumping out what I have of that bonus Urist-and-Mojang scene I've been promising for a while now. I have chunks of it pre-written, and I don't know if I'll be able to finish it tonight, but I'll do my best.Going to start with what I'd written last time!
>>42861627>>"How many adventurers do you think were born in the Gamindustri Graveyard?"God damn it.That's a lot of adventurers that just got kicked out.
You are Mojang! As the moe personification of Minecraft, you've come a pretty long way from your humble roots. Your backstory literally epitomizes the classic zero-to-hero cliche: wandering in from the wilderness, you've gone from unknown freelancer to the hottest adventurer this side of Gamindustri. Heck, you've even signed on with Leanbox in an almost unprecedented agreement that lets you keep your ties with Lastation!... that's the official story, at least! Everyone sort of glosses over how you're one of those strange souls who spawned in Gamindustri's Graveyard, rather than within any nation's borders. That's okay, though; to be honest, that hasn't really stopped you or anyone from climbing the ranks!What really annoys you, though, is how everyone also glosses over Urist's role in your life. It's really unfair to your big sis! Just because she gets a little grumpy and homicidal and drinks a lot doesn't mean it's okay to ignore her!Just because she's really very glitchy doesn't make it okay, either. Besides, you've had your share of bugs, too. If it wasn't for Urist, you wouldn't have learned half the things that're an integral part of your skill set.More importantly, without someone like her watching out for you, your life would have been a lot harder.To be honest, the first really big moment came not too long after you met Urist."Your workshop's not big enough," Urist mutters, apropos of nothing. She wasn't much for conversation back in those days, but even then, she was starting to come out of her shell!Breaking off your little crafting experiments, you look down at Urist from atop your crafting table (yes, you know people don't normally stand ON their tables when using them, but you were young and foolish back then!). "Senpai, senpai, what's a workshop?"(Cont.)
>>42861708The dwarf girl blinks, shaking her head; her eyes clear up. "What? Didn't say anything about that," she grunts. Before you can press the point, she bulldozes over your objections. "Forget it. Outta metal." She gestures to the small grid in the corner of the basement- just as she says, there's nothing but junk rocks and ores littered neatly all over the floor. "No point digging down deeper when we're so under-equipped. Gotta go to town an' buy some."Back then, everything you knew about metalcrafting could fit in the palm of your hand, and most words bigger than a few syllables roll right over you without stopping. You tilt your head quizzically, studying the stockpile's contents. "Senpai, senpai, can't you use those rocks instead?"Urist snorts, kicking aside a few chunks of what you'd later recognize as the ultra-dense, ridiculously rare ore known as Xboxium. "Can't. It's some weird Gamindustri rocks. Nothing like proper dwarven rocks, like magnetite or even tetrahedrite. Sells damn well for junk ore, though."You take her word without any doubts, although you have to ponder this for a little while. "What's a town?"That forces the dwarf to pause for a few moments. "A bigger trading depot. You can get stuff there," Urist hazards, scratching her dusty cheek. "Filled with people. "You stare right back at her with wide, innocent eyes. "A place with more senpais?" you breathe, hardly able to imagine that scene."No," she snaps. "NOT senpais. Not everyone's like me, or- look, that's not important." Urist shrugs on a suit of battered copper armor; to your inexperienced eyes (and your expertise, which is limited to leather duds), she's as dashing as any shining knight of justice. "I understand if it's a scary thing, bumping shoulders with a bunch of strangers, so you don't have to-""I wanna come!" you chirrup, hopping off the crafting table and running circles around Urist. "Senpai! Please let me come along!"(Cont.)
>>42861739The dwarf heaves a long-suffering sigh and shoulders her battered copper axe. "Fine. About time you met other folks. What's the worst that could happen?"Half an hour later, you leave the small frontier town in all haste, backlit by a roaring inferno that's well on its way to engulfing the only bar within a thirty-mile radius. Neither of you say anything to each other; Urist is too busy cursing under her breath, and you're too busy wallowing in guilt and desperately trying not to cry loudly enough for your senpai to hear."- goddamn pigfuckers," Urist snarls, ending her blue streak. "Stuck-up tree-hugging pansies with support pillars shoved up their asses! Think they're so much better just because-""I-I'm sorry, senpai!" you wail, breaking down completely. "I-If I hadn't come along-""Shaddup."You flinch back, fidgeting in place as Urist paces back and forth, muttering darkly to herself. Just as you've built up the confidence to speak up again, she stops in her tracks and whirls on you, puffing up like a small angry animal. "This was my fault. We're gonna go fix that."That was, quite possibly, the first long sentence she's strung together that wasn't just all curses.(Cont.)
>>42861763"We're gonna fix /you/," Urist continues, pointing a finger at you. You look down at yourself, and at the reason you attracted so much ridicule in town (which, in turn, attracted Urist's endless homicidal rage and the firestorm that followed): you're blocky, like your body is entirely made up of cubes strung together to make someone vaguely humanoid.It says a lot about both you and Urist that you both thought this was perfectly normal or, at the very least, not worth talking about during the time you've spent together."And for that, we're going to go on something I should've taken you on, like, goddamn /weeks/ ago." Urist pauses to take a swig from her battered flask. "Took me two dungeon runs to look like something that this goddamn place calls normal.""Are we going on a trip, senpai?""Even better." Your senpai starts walking in a random direction, her axe slung over one shoulder. "We're going on a dungeon run! What's the worst fucking thing that could happen?"As it turned out, that's not really something anyone should say right before their first dungeon run.(Cont. --> NEW STUFF FOLLOWS BELOW)
>>42861781Did Urist just look like a DF smiley?
>>42861781Sure, you and Urist lived out on the borders of Leanbox and the kind of places that are more commonly marked as “HERE BE NETHER DRAGONS,” but it’s not like you’re totally isolated from the adventurer lifestyle; in short order, Urist found a dungeon not too far from your shared fort-slash-bunker. If case of emergency, you’ll both just run back home and try again some other day. So you both threw some things into your inventories and set off, and that was that.At first, it’s smooth sailing. This particular dungeon follows the classic cave dungeon pattern that’s so common in Gamindustri, so you spend most of your time gawking at the brilliantly glowing underground crystals, usually kneeling close enough that you can see your reflection, at least until Urist drags you away by your hoodie. You don’t bump into a whole lot of monsters, and anything you DO see is weak enough to be immediately skewered by a bolt from Urist’s battered crossbow.“So here’s how it’ll go,” Urist rasps around a mouthful of yellow crumbly stuff as you both stop for lunch. “We beat the boss, we get treasure cubes, and /you/-” she levers a finger at you and scrunches her face up in what’s meant to be an authoritative glare but just makes her look cute as a button “- choose whatever updates your appearance. Something like high fidelity or high definition or some shit like that.”“M’kay.” You gnaw on your chunk of bread, nodding along. You can’t really latch onto her words; all you can focus on is that your senpai’s been speaking in longer and longer sentences. The grand new world of casual conversation unfurls before you, and it’s absolutely breathtaking!"But above all, when we get to the boss room, you need to absolutely, under no circumstances-"“Urist, Urist!" you chirrup, cutting her off. "What’re you eating?”(Cont. --> Will be slower from here on out, ETA 15 minutes or so!)
>>42861800maybe>>42861809The dwarf girl blinks, looking down at her meal. “Dwarven cheese,” she mumbles, sounding oddly defensive.Later on, of course, you'd take this as a cue to leave well enough alone. At this point in time, though, you'd have asked if tact was something edible. “But why?”Urist gives you a sullen glare that goes straight over your head. "Because it's- it's good, okay?""But you eat, like, 90% cheese," you insist, proudly making use of the words '90%' without really understanding what they mean. "Does it really taste that good?"“No! It's just- ... alright, look," Urist growls, leaning forward. "It's bad enough that I’m short and beardless in this fucking world, okay? But I ain’t gonna spend rest of eternity as flat as a-” She shoots a quick glance down at her flat breastplate, looks back up at her milk-made cheese, side-eyes the distinctly convex polygon that makes up your own chest, and then scowls like you've never seen her scowl before, face reddening.“Never you fucking mind!” she barks, before cramming the cheese back into her mouth and standing back up. "I just need my milk intake, okay? Break's over!"Yeah, since that sort of interrupted her right before she could tell you what it was you couldn't actually do, the boss fight after that was-What? Well, yes, I... I suppose the cheese /worked/, since Urist is no longer- um- l-look, that doesn't have anything to do with this story! I don't care if it's the first time that milk-drinking cliche /worked/ on girls with flat- you know, we can talk about that later! Please!(Cont. --> ETA 20 minutes or so!)
>>42862087>Urist wanted to not be flatIf she ever met RED.
>>42862087Well I guess as a dwarf Urist is more accurately classified as a shortstack.Going by western dwarves and not nip lolidwaves at least.
>>42859192I want to see that too.
>>42862087>What? Well, yes, I... I suppose the cheese /worked/, since Urist is no longer- um- l-look, that doesn't have anything to do with this story! I don't care if it's the first time that milk-drinking cliche /worked/ on girls with flat- you know, we can talk about that later! Please!Urist doesn't know, but she's the hope of all flat girls everywhere. JUSTICE
>>42862154Who is she supposed to be?
>>42862229RED is a maker in HDN.
>>42862087Anyway! That's when you and Urist come up against the boss room. There are no fancy doors, no big lights or landmarks clearly stating that big things will go down here; it’s just a big empty space. For the first time in the entire dungeon, there are enemies that Urist is unwilling and unable to take down with one shot: a horde of green men.A horde of extremely blocky zombies, to be more specific. Undeniably /your/ zombies, although you didn't realize it at the time. Your senpai cottons on immediately, of course, because she's sharp like that and she's had a lot of experience killing undead things."Right. Shooting them'll just draw the rest toward us," Urist mutters, eyeing the mindlessly milling zombies.Your brain doesn't even wait to figure out the rest of that sentence, because it's staring fight at the prospect of your first battle ever and coming up with LET'S MAKE SENPAI PROUD."So we're gonna have to go in and wait you idiot what are you HOLY SHIT COME BACK HERE-"Let's back up a little! It’s not as if you don’t know how to fight- the knowledge was emblazoned in your mind from the very beginning. All you have to do is pick up a weapon and swing it at something until it goes down, right? Sounds simple, and it IS simple, but the hard part is staying alive and knowing just when to jump out of the way. If you fail, you lose a few hearts; fail too many times and the last thing you see is the insides of your backpack spilling all over the floor. And then you wake up where you last slept, and then it’s time to go back for round two!H-Haha… well, back then, you were young and foolish and didn’t really have one of those- those frame of reference things, you know? You didn’t have any idea that it didn’t work that way for everyone, and that Urist might not take injuries and death quite so easily.(Cont. --> ETA 20-ish minutes!)
>>42862287Woops, meant to reply to >>42862231
>Dragon Quest: 1985>Megaman: 1987>Final Fantasy: 1984>X-COM: 1994Exey could fight alongside the other three legends and not be out of place at all, I think.Also, why did they use the Skyranger to move stuff and not the Avenger?
>>42862345Which is the more iconic troop transport in the series?
>>42862356Until Enemy Unknown, the Avenger.
>>42862497No? Haven't really had the time
>>42862312Well, okay, maybe your little respawning trick doesn't exactly stem from /death/, which... probably also caused a lot of misunderstandings back then, huh? And if someone goes and destroys the bed you last slept in-But anyway, Urist sort of had the same problem, but in reverse: she assumed that no one would run headfirst into a fight against multiple foes at once (which is exactly what you did) and that fighting and getting injured would be something that any normal adventurer would do their UTMOST best to avoid. That's why she didn't think to warn you a second time, once you'd finished talking about all that cheese-related stuff.So you dived into the horde of green men, got insta-gibbed, woke up back home, hopped right on out of bed, picked up your spare stone sword, and jogged back to the dungeon, whistling happily to yourself. You didn't have anything important in your inventory, see, so you figured that you didn't have anything to worry about.Aheheh... yeah, okay, you /were/ kinda stupid back then. But you'd like to think that you've gotten a little bit better, right?Nothing could prepare you for what you saw when you re-entered that boss cavern. It's not like you haven't seen blood before- live with Urist for long enough, and you'll definitely see a LOT of the stuff. It's just... that was the first time you'd ever seen it spattered all over the place, with visible trails left along the floor, most of it ending in messily hacked-apart blocky zombie bits. It's not the last time you'll see something like this, either.The types of zombies from YOUR world don't bleed. All of it is Urist's blood. For a long, long time, this is the sort of thing you see whenever Urist tries to go toe-to-toe with a monster.(Cont.)
>>42862154For reference, she has Compa's breast size while being slightly taller (one centimeter) than Blanc.
>>42862517The key thing you need to know about her is that she is about 1 nepu tall, comes in just under 40 kilograms, and has boobs bigger than most grown men's heads.According to the maths I did on the back of my napkin, this means that she is roughtly 60% boobs. By weight.
>>42862618I wish I had the character chart saved so I could post it.
>>42862692Yes, that one.
>>42862518Your senpai lies in a puddle of her own blood, looking every inch the horrible wreck of a dwarf- no, it's not a puddle, it's a /trail/ of blood. She's still dragging herself along the rough rock floor with her own hands, gritting her teeth and doing her level best to 1) ignore her broken leg, and 2) not cry (and failing miserably).The one remaining zombie isn't fast enough to run away from an angry dwarf. "You killed her!" Urist howls, latching onto her opponent's leg. The sight of a zombie toppling like a felled tree would be almost comical, if not for the fact that you're caught between horror, guilt, and absolute terror; there's nothing comical about how Urist methodically starts breaking every bone in the zombie's body, rendering it into its component blocks. "You killed her, you fucking- you goddamn-"Just /touching/ your type of zombie is enough to start racking up damage. Urist is, and has been, literally wrestling herself half to death.You walk over and swing your sword, dealing the last bit of damage to the zombie. Then, then you drop your weapon, pick up your shell-shocked senpai, and immediately begin crying your eyes out.That... that actually just about describes the next half hour, for both you and Urist. You princess-carry Urist while apologizing and crying your eyes out, Urist yells at you and bleeds all over your clothes while crying her eyes out, you both reach the treasure cubes and choose your upgrades while crying your eyes out, and then you both proceed to scare everyone in a ten-mile radius by crying your eyes out while making your way back home...Anyway, it takes about a half-hour after you both come home for you to calm down. You're sitting on the bed in your newfound NOT-polygonal form, Urist has her leg in a sling and is covered half in bandages, and you're both quite a bit calmer now.(Cont.)
>>42862733Urist also has the back of her head pillowed against your thighs as compensation for almost getting killed by your stupidity.Even to this day, you're not sure how she argued you up to that point; you suspect that you wanted to test out the fluffy fleshiness of your new body and she tried to come up with something embarrassing just to spite you, except Urist forgot that you sort of didn't know enough to get embarrassed back in those days and had to spend about fifteen minutes doing something about her oodles of hair braids-W... what're you talking about? I'm not blushing. YOU'RE blushing. I-I mean, shut up!"Right. Well. Mistakes were made," Urist rasps, her voice hoarse from yelling at you and from crying at the top of her lungs. She doesn't look at you, keeping her eyes pinned to the far wall. "Still. Sorry you had to see that."You remember frowning here, because she REALLY needs to be more specific at times like these. "U-Um... which part? The blood? I see that all the time, especially because the- um, the cats-""Not that," Urist cuts in, forestalling another hissing fit. "The- the other bit.""The part where you tore apart that zombie, senpai-""Don't call me that!"You flinch at her sudden snap. In the awkward silence that follows, Urist throws an arm across her face. Not for the first time OR the last time, you're bowed under the weight of your own guilt. You're just about to apologize for something like the fiftieth time when she speaks up again."... I ain't fucking worthy," Urist growls, soft enough that you almost don't hear her."S... senpai?""Don't want a teacher who half-dies every time she goes into battle," she continues, gritting her teeth. "Don't want a teacher who can't protect her own student. Can't teach you a goddamn thing, either. Wouldn't blame you if you just OW GODDAMMIT-"And that's the sound of you flicking a finger against Urist's forehead.(Cont.)
>>42862975You forestall any further argument by placing a finger to her lips to shush her. She immediately bites that finger, and after a moment of jockeying, you settle for clamping a hand against her mouth just to stop her from cutting in with MORE self-deprecation. Seriously, Urist is very, very stubborn.Honestly, so are you."If you keep talking like that," you say sweetly, "I'm going to get very, very mad."That's probably one of the most eloquent things you've said this whole time, AND that's the first time you ever showed any bit of backbone, so there's a moment of surprised silence. Urist still manages to growl between your fingers. "But-""You're my senpai, senpai," you continue implacably. "Not just in fighting or... or whatever. You've taught me a lot of things already, senpai.""S-Stop calling me that!" Urist whines, glaring up at you with tears in her eyes. She looks absolutely adorable, so you can't help but..."Nope!" ... completely refuse. "You're my senpai.""At least call me 'Urist' or something!""Nope!""I'll do ANYTHING to make you stop calling me senpai!" she wails.... heheh. Well, someday in the future, you DO stop calling her senpai!It's just... well, oneechan should've been careful for what she wished for.(PROBABLY THE END)---G'night, guys, and thanks for sticking around this late for... uh, soppy sleep-deprived writefaggotry! Catch you all next time.
>>42862576>>42862618>>42862576... I hadn't been following this conversation while writing and, for a few absolutely confused moments, thought you were talking about Urist.I dunno whether to be relieved or mildly worried that that actually DOES describe a canon character, though. Goddamn, Japan.>>42862728RIP in pieces
>>42862997In honor of the revelation that Urist managed to defeat justice, I'm going to dump this 10 page thing.
>>42863143Urist should give Blanc her cheese.
>>42863052>>42863061>>42863077>>42863091>>42863105>>42863119>>42863132>>42863143>>42863160>>42863179... this is a literal treasure trove of reaction picsTHANK YOU, ANON
>>42863132>>42863143>>42863160>>42863179Oh god I love you Blanc
>>42863198>Nepgear: Her figure's become so incredibly full that Lowee, whose inhabitants mostly prefer 'em small, will lose shares like whoa!this fucking series, I can't
>>42863328At least from that game, we have this image.
>>42863338Vert sisters are really cute.Pity they don't exist.
>>42863360But now she has Urist and Mojang. Or 'had'. Now she got rid of them.
At least we have the medicine for Mojang, right? Shovel can keep Arfoire busy long enough for the block building duo back in the game.So Blorp, have you seen Dragon Quest Builders? WHAT COULD IT MEAN FOR BIG SIS!?
>>42863516>MojangShe will be booted too.Exey likely will too, since she was computer first.Marisa too, since Civ was computer first too.
>>42863555The point is that we'll be wherever Mojang is, therefore we can give her the medicine.
>>42863592But will also probably have to deal with SS13.
>>42863592As long as it comes with us, I hope we leave one behind for Blanc though
>>42862287It's bad form to just leave it at that, Anon.https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=160&v=hE7-2xq-5Qo