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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Alright /tg/ let me tell you about how my game nearly fell apart. This tale involves autism, Shadowrun, betrayal, friendship, and approximately $12,000 in dragon dildos. No I am not joking. Names changed to protect the innocent.

>Forever DM for group, playing Shadowrun 5e
>Met my players through community college so predictably like half of them are autistic
>Like literally though
>From henceforth @ denotes that they're on the spectrum
>Group consists of @Bob, awesome dude to hang out with, hilarious and knows anything there is to know about weird niche internet shit
>Regularly makes friends with awful people on purpose, to watch them because he thinks its funny
>It is
>@John, a quiet guy who doesn't talk much, or roleplay much, but hes on top of the rules and is a super nice dude
>Greg, /fit/bro, all in all way the hell too normal to be in the group
>Mike, that one guy who always plays female characters, yet somehow pulls it off
>Kenny, which is his real name because fuck this guy
>THAT GUY incarnate, is eventually kicked out of the group, surprisingly the story is not about him
>Maybe later
>@Craig, metalhead/punk fanatic, best fuckin rigger I've had in a game.
>And they were all nearly torn asunder by dragon dildos
>Everything's going great for a while
>Everyone's having fun and playing what really amounts to a great shadowrun campaign
>Then, one day I log onto our group Facebook page and @Bob just posted
>"I don't want to play shadowrun any more and I don't want to see @John anymore"
>Nobody will tell me what happened
>He posts about an hour later that he'll still play
>But you can't just throw shit down like that and have shit be cool
>We show up as per the norm on Friday to @Bob's house, hoping shit was indeed cool
>@Bob is acting detached, won't tell anyone shit until @John shows up and these dudes just straight up act like the other doesn't exist
>Eventually the rest of them pull me aside and explains what happened
>You see, @Bob and @John have a mutual "friend" Who draws comissions as her only source of income, and then complains about not having money
>She lives at home with her parents.
>I'm told she owes @Bob like $250 and he thinks she's a shitty person, which means a lot coming from him
>So he doesn't want his friends buying shit from her until she gets her shit together, since apparently shes throwing money down a hole
>@John bought things from her
>@Bob's anger is now understood
>@Bob was trying to get people to boycott her / stage an intervention for her crippling addiction
>What addiction you ask?
>Purchasing dragon dildos en masse
>Let me emphasize this
>An autistic man was trying to stage an intervention for his friend for her dragon dildo addiction
>I burst out laughing instantly
>@Bob was upset by this and explains the reason for his anger
>@John gave her money for a comission despite knowing she was just going to buy more dildos
>He was being a dildo enabler
>That was actually said
>This was real life
>This was apparently happening
>My shadowrun game was going to fall apart due to two grown men having a diagreement about how to treat dragon dildo addiction
Anyone reading?

As a GM you can have a game fall apart at any time and for any reason really, it doesn't usually end at a good time and it doesn't usually end with everyone happy.
But fuck me if I was going to let it end like that.

>We manage to get them to talk to eachother and slightly reconcile
>But now I'm curious
>What is the actual extent of this woman's addiction
>The answer is she owns over 100 dragon dildos
>She apparently washes them in the dishwasher IN HER PARENTS HOME
>I have video evidence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLOadsQABTs
>There was a palpable air of tension for several sessions thereafter
>In character they treated eachother fine but that's about it
>Group dynamic was shook, and it was affecting the story
>I couldn't advance my goddamn story until they resolved this dildo based feud

I would love to tell you I pulled some bullshit and fixed the group dynamic by doing some master stroke in the game to get them to make up, but what actually happened was they just acted like it never happened a couple weeks later. And now they joke about it like they weren't at each others throats for weeks.

Really though the most absurd part of the story is that we actually successfully finished the campaign with a satisfying ending, then moved on to play games that hadn't been tainted by memories of brightly colored draco-dongs
My life is worse for having read this. 10/10
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You had me at $12,000 od Dragon Dildos.
Short and sweet. One day i shall show this to my grandchildren. 10^kek
Please someone screencap this.
Preserved for posterity.
Thank you kind anon.
Bless you. Or damn you. Either would be appropriate.
>over 100 dragon dildoes

But you can only fit so many within you at any one time!
I could tell you guys the story of Kenny being enough of a fucking douche to be kicked out of the game unanimously if you guys are interested
>This tale involves autism, Shadowrun, betrayal, friendship, and approximately $12,000 in dragon dildos.

...this is gonna be good.
>Dad I need to use the bathtub tonight I need to wash my dragon dildos

I'm dying
Obviously you have not tried hard enough
Unlike most /tg/ stories this is actually believable, good work

can't believe faggots are already taking pictures to repost ad nauseum

This is going down in history.
Please do.
And check 'em.
Go for it, man. Storytime's always good.

>Using dishsoap in a dishwasher
>To clean Dragon Dildos

Oh honey. Oh honey no.

>"What have we learned? Clean the dildos in the bathtub."

That is the exact opposite of what you should have learned!
You don't need to know much about Shadowrun to understand this one, but I'll explain anything that needs understanding as I go

>Party consists of Bob and Greg both playing Elf Street Shaman, really hamming up the "Shaman" aspect of it all
>420 cyber blaze it
>Craig on a cranky Dwarven Rigger/Hacker who loves to build and tinker with motorcycles
>Mike on a Human Physical Adept (basically a monk) hyper addicted to the combat drug Kamikaze and with a jacked up face
>John on an Orc Street Samurai, built like a tank with cyberware rockets on his feet, zooming around like a goddamn blender with rocket legs
>And fuckin Kenny on an Orc Infiltrator, decked out with all the best sneaking gear and an edgy backstory to match it
>Why is that guy always the "rogue"
>Every goddamn time
>Anyways they start their career in the world of illegal espionage and all is well for several months
>Party escaped a concert mosh pit full of trolls and orcs hopped up on drugs
>Stole some highly classified documents
>Blew up a building or two
>Street raced against gangers to gain their respect
>The usual fare
>Over time though Kenny himself started to act....weird
>Would get very upset at pre-session videogames
>Would sulk at bad rolls
>Would go off on random rants about incredibly small details, sometimes for an hour or more, even when nobody was listening
>Then the rules lawyering started
>video evidence
It feels like my mind is refusing to fully process the implications of this.
>So the party is piled into the Rigger's van, with pissed of motorcycle gangers hot on their ass.
>Shamans are chucking fireballs, nailing people off their bikes
>Blendbot5000 is hopping from bike to bike decapitating people then SPRINTING back into the van
>Physical adept is giving directions aaaaaaaannnnnnd
>Fucking Kenny isn't doing anything
>He wasn't the one who pissed off the motorcycle gang, so "His character wouldn't have a reason to attack them"
>Fuckin really
>Anyways one of the Shaman has a great idea to light a dumpster on fire then slide it into the road as an obstacle
>Oh shit the dumpster was full of gigantic devil rats who are now running across the road on fire
>Oh man what a wacky and fun chase scene this is guys so how are yo
>u fuckin wot m8
>Kenny starts FURIOUSLY flipping through the source book and emphatically points to the devil rat as pictured
>He then turns to the rest of the table and says "They aren't on fire, retconned, who's got a plan for this now"
>I'm dumbstruck
>I cannot comprehend that 1. He would try to show me up and 2. That it would be about something so fucking asinine
>Attempt to explain that they are on fire via MAGIC, so who the fuck actually cares
>"I CARE. I CARE ABOUT THE GAME. It's about a story and a story needs to make sense! So they aren't on fire! Okay?!"
>He is screaming about rats being on fire or not.
>This literally confused me more than the idea that this game might not exist if we hadn't resolved that dildo based issue
>I found myself wishing dragon dildo girl had ruined my game, so I wouldn't have to attempt to talk to a grown ass man about whether or not rats are on fire
>It takes a solid 20 minutes of off and on ignoring him and telling him to shut the fuck up for him to finally drop the issue
>He posts the devil rat picture and stat block on facebook later with no other message.
You knew he was autistic, shy would him having an illogical meltdown surprise you?
>By now everyone is obviously sick of him, but I don't know all the interpersonal shit well enough to bring up the subject of kicking him out
>For all I know he's known any one of these people for his whole life and kicking him out brings the game screeching to a halt
>I didn't have to worry about it screeching to a halt because he did that for me
>Party finds out about a gang of washed up Orc rockstars
>Exploited by their labels then used up, they used the money from their 10 minutes of fame to fund a terrorist organization with the goal of taking down every major record label
>Party is caught up in all this due to various circumstances, but is eventually caught in a high stakes scenario
>They have the last recording of a rock legend, said to have been into some heavy voodoo shit prior to his disappearance
>Recording shows him ritualistically eating a groupie and levitating, chanting some arcane nonsense nobody in the party can decipher
>Orc terrorists have been using some equally crazy voodoo, making zombie thralls and generally speaking doing some messed up shit
>So obviously when the party is approached by them with an offer to buy the recording from them, double crossing their original employer and teaming up with the group of crazy magic orcs that have been trying to kill them obviously they said no right?
>They did
>Except for Kenny
>not saying yes

Sounds like only Kenny is Mohawk enough
iLOads indeed.
Here's the thing though. HE WASN'T. That's actually relevant here. Dude is NOT autistic, just fucking batshit crazy.

>Kenny decides that what his character would do is backstab them, copy the recording on the sly and sell it
>His character has barely any knowledge about computer systems beyond how not to be seen by cameras
>He is attempting to copy this shit without the TRAINED HACKER noticing
>He succeeds, primarily because the hacker was drunk and left the recording on a physical disk.
>Out in the open
>While he was passed out drunk
>Which normally wouldn't be a problem if one of the party members wasn't a fuckwit.
>Kenny met with the orc gang, sold them a copy of the disk and agreed to be a spy
>The only reason I let this happen was for the story to get a little twist, and hopefully to have enough shit on him to kick him out
>Party goes to give disk containing dead rockers last album (and ritualistic murder) to their employer
>Employer is fucking pissed since the disk's contents are leaked all over the fucking net
>Party is dumbfounded, Kenny plays it cool like he doesn't know what's going on either.
>Players figures out fucking instantly that he did it.
>Fucker had this smug look on his face
>Like, he could not be worse at hiding how self satisfied he was
>Through some clutch in game reasoning and rolls they figure out it was him
>He tries to fucking ninja smoke screen his way out, but gets shot in the head instead
>Starts bitching and complaining that we killed his character
>"Its just what he would have done guys, You're all ganging up on me it's bullshit"
Plenty of things can catch fire, regardless as to whether or not it has fur. Bald men aren't fireproof, last I checked. I don't...I can't even begin to imagine how he thought he was in the right.
Then how do matches work?
To be fair, they probably wouldn't, would they be saturated with blood.
Less Mohawk and more suicidal. Really I would have been fine if everyone agreed to it but it's the fact that the party unanimously decided "nah fuck that shit" HIM INCLUDED, then he decides to private message me on facebook "yeah no but I really want to fuck them over for no apparent reason"

>So he sulks, but I have to admit that his dumb bullshit acted quite well to get the party going
>They're on the run from their previous employer who is pissed as all hell, on the run from the crazy orcs
>Game got crazy, in a good way
>He made another character, a bland Troll
>Mostly calmed down, and I wanted to finish the campaign before kicking him out
>While he calmed down in game, he ramped up the crazy out of game
>Eventually the game ended, and we finally kicked him out and then I finally asked how the fuck all these guys knew him
>Pretty much nobody knew him that well, except for Bob
>Remember how Bob makes friends with horrible people because he thinks its funny?
>Thats exactly what happened
>The entire time I thought Kenny was just crazy out of nowhere, but Bob KNEW that if he kept this dude around for long enough he would do some crazy shit
>He rused all of us, because he thought it would be funny
>It was.
There's so many ways though
"oh the dumpster had some kerosene in it and they had some on their skin"
"They are covered in flammable trash"
"Its magic, shut up"

All are acceptable answers to that sperg bullshit
I'm not saying the rats shouldn't have been on fire. If the GM says they are, then they are.

I'm just saying that the example of matches is not exactly working with the difference between living anatomy, and wood and chemicals.
Nobody mentioned the rats being soaked in blood.
Oh god you guys are actually discussing this

fucking lel'd, you got rused by an autist.
Underwater matches are a thing.
This all sounds suspiciously like the 2d storytime, I think you're lying
It sounds suspiciously like it because I used the same pre built module that the GM in that campaign did. Same basic hook, "There's a disk with the last album of a dead rocker go get it" but I put a different faction behind it, changed things etc. I only used that module because I actually had the physical copy of On the Run, and needed something simple to run them through to get a plot going.
And Capped
I still play with this group to this day. Easily one of the best tabletop groups I've ever played with after kicking Kenny out.
Oh, I had no idea it was a pre built
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People make screencaps for various reasons. In my case it's mostly just for the purposes of future reading.
Where do you think you are?
I screencap posts and save them in a /tg/ stories folder for when I need inspiration for a game, or a laugh.
Please go away, or please stop posting. You're cancerous
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Twodee mentioned that his gm liked running modules that he modified. Hell it starts with Food Fight.
>>"Its just what he would have done guys"

Yeah, and blowing your brains out is what WE would have done.
He actually had the gall to accuse everyone else of metagaming. Because when asked team of hardened mercenaries has already spy into the group the usually just talk it out over tea
Holy shit my phone autocorrect had a stroke there.

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