(or attempting to at the very least)DISCLAIMERThis is a work of fiction. It doesn’t necessarily represent nor portray the state of the industry or the beliefs of the AuthorAny reference to pre-existing work of fiction is to be considered entirely coincidental (well, not entirely).No character is speaking on the behalf of the author. Their moral considerations as well as their beliefs regarding the social, religious and political sphere are representative only of the characters themselves.Sadly partaking into this quest will have an opportunity cost intrinsically determined by your own utility function. The Author cannot refund such cost.I can’t promise you’ll have fun. I can promise however that I will try to make this fun. I am responsive to the audience and I will try accomodate most requests.
>>46095195You truly are an unpretentious man. There’s not much you want in life, nor much you need.But you do regard your free time as sacred. Especially after a long, exhausting day at work, nothing sounds more horrible to you than having to deal with other fellow humans.Now, it’s easy to misunderstand, since you’ve very rarely declined offers by your colleagues to go out drinking together. But that’s something else entirely: your acceptance to the proposal of getting hammered together on Saturdays is conditional on not having seen your colleagues for at least half a day, with the prospect of not seeing them again for another day until the weekend begins.In short, you’re not antisocial, but you have your own set of rules about social interaction.The greatest capital sin one can commit is barging inside your house with absurd requests such as “some salt for my soup” or “a corkscrew, to be promptly returned as soon as I’ve opened the bottle”, as your neighbors tend to do. The evening time after work is yours and yours only, and no one should infringe on it.People might call it egoism. Some others might call it egotism, even. But for you it’s just a simple matter of give and take: you’ve given your share to the society in the form of your own work, and now what you demand back is simply the right not to be bothered (apart from monetary compensation, but that’s a different matter entirely).
>>46095208 Can people truly blame you, then, for repeatedly bashing in the head of the shady character who happened to enter your room through your computer?Surely not. Due punishment is to be expected if one is to violate another person’s private property, and in this case, the violation is multiple. Not only did this weird woman enter your apartment uninvited, she also did so during your precious resting time.Honestly, what was she expecting?You’ve laid her on your bed, and you proceeded to call the police, to notify them that someone had attempted to enter your house forcibly and that the culprit had been made unconscious as a precaution.As soon as you finished the call, you could notice her coming to.>Bash her head again>Question her>tie her up
>>46095228>Bash her head againOh my it appear she's attempting to attack again
>>46095228>tie her upburglary control 101
>>46095228>>46095339>>46095944Bash her head again, THEN tie her up.
>>46095339>>46095944>>46096011You take your time to look at the intruder properly. Her long blonde hair reaches well below her shoulders, and her smooth, silky skin almost reflects the light of the dying sun.What a revolting imagery. You can barely contain your puke as she opens her big blue eyes, the same color as the ocean.She’s slightly gaining consciousness, and you have to think quickly.“My my… That really hurt, eh eh…”, she laughs softly, in a tone between self-irony and gentle reproachThe enemy is visibly weakened, her physical strength is much inferior to yours, and she seems not to have any hostile intent. There’s only one reasonable thing to do: bash her head again and again.You grab her by the shoulders and repeatedly smash her head against the wall.“AUCH! CAN! YOU! PLEASE! STOP! THAT! IT! HURTS!”You keep making her forehead and the concrete wall kiss, putting less and less strength in each consecutive blow. Something’s off. That’s now what burglars do. Burglars try to stab you in the stomach. This looks more like…Well if she is, you’re in serious trouble. Police takes false reports very seriously, and if on top of that it appears that you’re the guilty one, not the other way around, you might run into some problems.You drop her on the bed, as she massages her head. “Ow, ow, ow, that hurts, that really hurts”, she whines. “Are you by any chance a door to door vendor?” “Well it’s a bit late to ask that, isn’t it? Are you the kind of guy who shoots first and asks questions later?”“Yes”, you answer, without having to think too much about it.“It shows!”, she shouts, still rubbing her forehead. “Do I look like a vendor to you?”“Yes”, you answer again. “You truly are dense. Have you ever seen anybody pass through the computer screen to sell you consumer goods?”>”Uh, no”>”I think my dad did it once”>”Are you here to talk about Jesus?”
>>46096311>”Are you here to talk about Jesus?”Last guy that did that got tied up and left there
>>46096311>Have you ever seen anybody pass through the computer screen to sell you consumer goods?”"Solicitors and proselytizers are getting creative these days, I wouldn't put it past them."
>>46096311This seems to have potential>”Are you here to talk about Jesus?
>>46096311>Have you ever seen anybody pass through the computer screen to sell you consumer goods?That just makes you even more suspicious
>>46096359>>46096397>>46096499>>46096805You give a disinterested shrug. "Solicitors and proselytizers are getting creative these days, I wouldn't put it past them."The intruder is just staring at you, her mouth agape. “You are retarded. There’s not other explanation”.Paying no heed to her slanderous words, you’re quick to reply“Are you here to talk about Jesus? If so I don’t want to hear about it. I tied up the last guy who came here to talk about Jesus”.Actually, something doesn’t sit well with you. You’re still in time to rectify that statement.“Well unless Jesus can teach me to move through screen like you did. That shit is totally sick”“ENOUGH!”Huh? Your unwanted guest seems to have snapped. “I DON’T want to talk about Jesus and I AM NOT a solicitor, or a door-to-door seller!”She stands up, her chest puffed in pride and a furious look on her face.“Can’t you tell by my enchanting looks, my perfect proportions and my charming personality that I am a goddess?”“Not really”, you reply flatly.Now the look on the self-appointed goddess seems to have changed dramatically. It’s an impossible mix of disbelief and rage, but at the same time she looks like she’s trying to calm herself down.Finally, she takes a deep breath and smiles to you, in a cheerful and carefree expression.“Dear Outer of the Setting Sun, why don’t you get me a bag of ice and call the police saying it was just an accident? After all if they were to come here and see the situation, they would no doubt mistake you for the culprit”.You rub your chin pensively. “That’s right. You make a lot of sense. I don’t like you”, you conclude. You leave the room, closing the door behind you. In that same moment, an inhuman growl can be heard across the entire neighborhood.“AAAAAAAAAAAARGH HOW DARES HE? HOW DARES HE DEFILE ME! I AM A GODDESS, A GODDESS! AND THIS OUTER JUST…AAAAAAAA I HATE I HATE THIS SO BAD”.
>>46096994There something wrong with her. That’s for sure.Maybe it’s not too late to just lock her un inside the room. Then again if she really can pass through computer monitors she can also pass through doors.>She looks angry, not dangerous. Maybe we could try talking>Let’s lock the door.>It isn’t too late to bash her head in again
>We don't want to get close to her, throw something at her head instead.
>>46097010>She looks angry, not dangerous. Maybe we could try talkingGrab the nearest suitable blunt object and keep it ready
>>46096994>Let’s lock the door.Headbashing is too much interaction.
>>46096994>Let’s lock the door.
>>46097212>>46097307Whatever. It’s worth the shot. Getting too close might very well mean death, so no choice is truly risk-free. Slowly, stealthily, you get close to the doorknob and…click! As fast as you can you lock the door.It takes what’s like a couple of minutes for the Goddess to realize what happened.“Huh? You haven’t locked me in, have you?”You put your ear against the nearby wall, trying to listen to what she says. It proves however to be useless, as she starts screaming insanely.“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! YOU REALLY DID LOCK ME IN!”She’s not that clever of a goddess. Is she going through the five stages of grief? That sure sounded like denial.“YOU CAN’T HAVE POSSIBLY LOCKED ME IN! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?”That’s denial alright.“I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS WORLD, AND I HATE MY TASK AND I HATE THE PEOPLE WHO WORSHIP ME AND I ESPECIALLY HATE THOSE WHO DON’T! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME? RAAAAAAARGH”Sounds like Anger. Good, she’s making progress. “Ok, ok listen. I am not angry anymore. Just let me talk with you and I promise this will be the last time you’ll ever hear or see of me. Just please open the door”.She sounds peaceful as she speaks. Must have regained her composure, you suppose. But you can’t stop here. No, she needs to pass all five phases or she will never grow emotionally. Yeah, that’s it.And that’s when you can hear sobbing. She’s crying, bawling her eyes out even.There’s nothing to her cry more than genuine, plain sadness. The depression stage has begun.The crying goes on for a few more minutes, then she calms down, although you can still hear her sniff.
>>46097806‘Come on’, you think. ‘You’re almost there. It’s your one in a lifetime chance to grow as a human being’.“Alright. I am sorry. I guess I am at fault too. I barged through the screen, I didn’t ask permission, and I growled like a mad dog. I can understand that you’re scared or just disgusted with me.”You smile, pleased: finally she reached acceptance.“I only want to talk with you. But if you don’t, then I will just leave. The choice is yours”.Her voice sounds broken and fragile. You have no more doubts: this girl isn’t here to harm you.>Fine, fine. Let’s talk>Yeah, and never come back please.>I am out of condoms though
>>46097836>>I am out of condoms thoughHas to be done.
>>46097836>Yeah, and never come back please.
>>46097836>>Yeah, and never come back please.
>>46097836>I am out of condoms thoughImplying this neet ever fired a shot in anger
>>46097888>>46097909>>46097937>>46098016errrr I need a tiebreaker
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>46098378>I am out of condoms though>Yeah, and never come back please.
>>46098422so 1 would have been the first one, and 2 the second one?
>>46098445Yeah. So its for>Yeah, and never come back please.
>>46098464Shots fired. I will start writing right away
>>46097836>>I am out of condoms though
>>46098607>Posting after the tiebreaker has been calledhmm watcha say“Yeah please leave, and never come back”, you state nonchalantly.“Oh, I see. That’s how it is, then. I guess it’s your loss though, since you will never another chance like this”“Another chance like this?”“Yeah, the chance of becoming a God.”These words leave you dumbstruck. A chance of becoming… A God?Now, most people do dream of having unlimited power, one that could be compared to that of a god. But you, you in particular of all people, have not only fantasized, but planned in detail your ideal world and its unique features.In a world in which you’re a God, no one visits your shrine because people have better things to do. It’s never too warm or too cold, so that people don’t have to waste money on energy and conditioners, animals don’t make annoying sounds, and most of all, no one bothers their neighbors for stuff they could just get at the shop.Yes, an idyllic world of peace, comfortableness and neighborlessness. Maybe it’s worth talking with this self-appointed goddess at least for a few minutes, at least from your safe position.“And, say, how can I become a God?”She chuckles mischievously. “Oh, it’s really easy. You just need to hold my hand and traverse through the monitor just liked I did earlier. Easy peasy lemon squeezy”.“That sounds easy indeed. In fact, too easy. What proof do I have that you’re a Goddess? What if you’re just a teacup orbiting Mars?”“A teacup? Oh no, no no no, I won’t succumb to your nonsense. Don’t try to shift the goalpost: I passed through the computer’s screen, a feat humans can’t usually accomplish. I also survived your bashing, which would have likely killed an human. But that’s all pointless talk isn’t it? I am to leave and never come back again”.
>>46098848“No no no, wait a second. Let’s pretend you are indeed a goddess, how do I know whether you’re evil or good? I have no proof of your good intentions”.The noise of something hitting the door. “BECAUSE”The same noise again“I HAVEN’T”The door starts to crack“KILLED YOU YET!”The door breaks in two, and the source of the noise becomes clear: the Goddess has been punching the door open. Her knuckles aren’t even bloodied.>Alright, I guess that’s proof enough. Why do you want to make me a god though?>Ok, but can you create a stone so heavy not even you can lift it?>So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after all.
>>46098870>So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after all.This is just too good of a comedy to pass up.
>>46098870>So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after all
>>46098870>So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after allyou brought this upon yourself op
>>46098870>>So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after all.
>>46098929>>46098889>>46098892>>46098913I have no regrets. This is the only way! Unlimited Jesus Works!“So you WERE here to talk about Jesus after all”The Goddess stutters, mumbles, and her hands rhythmically contract and stretch as if she fell prey to seizure.Finally, she takes a deep breath. “Yes. I am here to talk about Jesus. Now, where can you learn about Jesus?”“In the Bible?”“Very well, but also in anime!”“But mostly in the Bible I guess”“The anime version is more exciting”“Hm. Point taken. Albeit I can’t really tell, I am not much into anime”“Oh you’re not? Well you seemed like the useless kind of guy that disappoints his parents”“Oh yeah I am quite ok at that. I think I screwed my chances of being a failure of a son when I got a stable job with a decent income, but yeah I never quite reached the bottomless pit of anime”.“Well good for you, I guess”“Yeah”“Yep”.“So now what?”“Well you haven’t told me yet. Do you want to become a God or not?”“I, err, I don’t want not to become a god”“Thanks for the clear answer”“Am I going to become an anime God if I accept your proposal?”“It’s a little bit more nuanced than that. But let’s say yes for the sake of the conversation”“Ok, the thing is, I am not really into tentacles”.“Tentacles?”“Yeah, isn’t anime that sort of porn in which the girl gets fucked by tentacles?”The goddess facepalms. “Looks like we have a long way ahead of us.”“If so I am coming by plane”
>>46099313“No, I mean figuratively… Why do I even bother? Alright, listen. Anime is a complex form of art. You can’t dumb it down to tentacle rape. There are a lot more facets to it. Saying that you don’t like anime is, strictu sensu, not dissimilar from saying you don’t like books. You can’t judge the medium by just picking a few examples, especially one so variegated as anime, don’t you believe?”>I lost you at strictu sensu>So, huh, what about chicks with dicks?>I do! Just wait until my dad discovers this. He’ll disinherit me on the spot!
>>46099342>>So, huh, what about chicks with dicks?
>>46099342>Anime is a complex form of art.>You can’t judge the medium by just picking a few examples, especially one so variegated as anime, don’t you believe?”"Eh, so desu ka? Naruhodo, naruhodo... Now can you repeat what you just said so that a baka gaijin like myself can understand what you said?"
>>46099342>>So, huh, what about chicks with dicks?Also, slap the otaku out of her so she starts speaking sense again
>>46099342>>So, huh, what about chicks with dicks?Make her work for this
>>46099342>So, huh, what about chicks with dicks?>“BECAUSE”>“I HAVEN’T”>“KILLED YOU YET!”>YETGive it time, dear.
“Yeah… so huh, what about chicks with dicks?”“You mean: girls with penises?”“Yeah chicks with dicks. What’s up with that in anime?”The goddess assumes a mischievous expression.“Oh my, don’t tell me you’re into that kind of things”“Nah, you misunderstand”, you respond laxly. “Tentacle porn and chicks with dicks is basically all I know about anime. To be honest it kinda grosses me out”“Oh, but isn’t that so, that you Outers of the Setting Sun consider a book in which a man turns into a bug a masterpiece? And yet the monstrosity of it easily surpasses the monstrosity of a girl with a penis”.“I won’t object to that. However do consider that the Metamorphosis of Kafka, that you’re referencing for the sake of pointing out how western literature can be decadent, is in fact, a convoluted allegory for the alienation of the human being in order to conform to modern society.I have reasons to doubt that ‘chicks with dicks’ is entertainment produced with a more definite scope than ars artis gratia, in my humble opinion”, you state matter of factually. The Goddess looks puzzled for a second, but the look of surprise on her face reveals she’s more positively surprised than anything. “That was quite out of character. But I am glad you get the gist of it: there’s more than meets the eye. Our world, the Anime world, is in danger”“‘Only you can save it, you’re the chosen one!’, did I guess the clichè?”“Er, not really. I picked you because you’re possibly the single most disposable human being out there”
>>46099946“Even more disposable than goat herders in Azerbaijan?”“Those have a family to feed. You have… you. And that’s it”“Fair enough. Will there be neighbors where we’re going?”“No, no neighbors. Just people like me. Well, not like me. I am a Goddess, while they’re anime characters. Something’s wrong with our world. We were supposed to be in worship of you Outers, but now somebody is seeking to subvert this rule that is as old as time, suggesting that we be the subject of devotion from you Outers.”>They worship us?>In this moment, those rebels are euphoric. Not because of a phony goddess’s blessing, but because they’re enlightened by their own intelligence>And how does Jesus factor into this again?
>>46099975>In this moment, those rebels are euphoric. Not because of a phony goddess’s blessing, but because they’re enlightened by their own intelligence
>>46099975>>And how does Jesus factor into this again?
>>46099975>“Er, not really. I picked you because you’re possibly the single most disposable human being out there”Just what does she expect of us?
>>46100169You'll see. It's not sex or maybe it is maybe not though
>>46100239>It's not sex or maybe it is maybe not thoughKnowing my chinese cartoons, any personal relationship improvement will never progress beyond unintentional brief lewd situations or intentionall handholding
>>46100362It's great to have you expertise on mongolian moving mosaics on board, have you voted though? We could use a tiebreaker
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>46100484>In this moment, those rebels are euphoric. Not because of a phony goddess’s blessing, but because they’re enlightened by their own intelligence>And how does Jesus factor into this again?
>>46100484tiyan>They worship us?is this going to be some multiverse animu bullshit or a singular animu cat eared harem world?
>>46100608>>46100004Called. Shitpost inbound.
>>46100653You produce a rather out of fashion hat out of nowhere. You don it that very instant, and proceed to mimic the act of taking it off.“ In this moment, those rebels are euphoric. Not because of a phony goddess’s blessing, but because they’re enlightened by their own intelligence”The Goddess clanches her fists. “Right. I am willing to overlook the fact that you called me phony, since I am most gracious. I will also not ask you how you managed to get that hat. I will, however, demand that you do not make judgements when you’re not informed. Those ‘rebels’ are effectively making life worse for everybody else”“Like what?”The Goddess clears her throat. “The citizen of my worlds aren’t anime characters per se, they’re rather the archetypes that make up the characters themselves. When a person dies, they’re reincarnated into another existence that pretty much fills up the same roles. It’s like a wheel of death and rebirth. Do you follow me so far?”“Perfectly. Go ahead”“The rebels are manipulating this system. By making sure that the Outers consistently prefer them to others, they ensure themselves a rebirth at the expense of other people. Basically the number of similar archetypes shrinks, but the number of archetypes themselves grows larger. Only a few benefit from this newfound wealth, and that’s unfair”“Uhh, sure smells like communism in here”“Except that I don’t want a forceful redistribution. I just want things to go back as they used to be, so that there be room for everyone, rebels included.”You have no time for a rebuttal: somebody is knocking on the door.BAM BAM BAM. “Police, open the door!”, you hear someone yelling.The knocking goes on, this time more violently.“There’s no time to waste. We have to go now!”
>>46100941The Goddess reaches for your hand, but you quickly withdraw it.“Not so fast. This door is locked too, so I guess we have time for one last question”>What kind of Goddess are you?>Why did you pick me of all people?>What are the Outers you keep talking about?
>>46100965Grab your katana too then get out of thereSeriously tough>What kind of Goddess are you?I'm interested
>>46100965>What kind of Goddess are you?
>>46101061yeah this, and don't forget the katana, or our totally coming back into fashion vest.
>>46101061>>46101096>>46101503“Just what kind of Goddess are you?”“Hm. Good question, Outer. I am a God of Balance. My role in my world is to make sure that everything follows its natural rule. As a God of Balance, I am basically powerless when the Universe is stable, but I become more and more powerful as the imbalances in the world grow starker, so that I can fix them. I have no desire for adoration, and I am naturally inclined to favor order over power. The Outers like yourself, on the other hand, are the gods who can change the reality around them and grant favors to their believers. As you can see, I have been able to accomplish a lot, including traveling across different planes of existence. This is a clear signal of a weakening of the natural order”The knock on the door grow louder. The entrance door is about to be crashed!The Goddess of Balance reaches for your hand and drags you toward the monitor.“Wait, wait, I can walk there myself, no, wait what if it’s painful, aaaaaaaah!”Too late. You cross the invisible barrier between the worlds, your body shivering in anticipation of what will come, and your eyes closed in fear.Will it be like being being burned alive? Will it feel like being folgorated? Actually it feels more like… nothing.
>>46101864When you open your eyes, you’re in a two-dimensional world. It hasn’t been any different than just walking down the corridor and to the bathroom.The landscape around you is rather… usual. Apart from the lack of a dimension, you seem to be in what looks like the most generic city ever.“Well, we made it!”, you hear the Goddess say. “Welcome to the Holy City”“Doesn’t look really Holy to me”“It is for its denizens. It’s here that the priest who will be your guide will meet you and help you in your quest.”“Yeah, about that. You haven’t really told me what I am supposed to do.”“I am sure the Priest will be able to explain you all the details.”. She takes off a necklace and hands it to you. “Give this to him. It will be a proof of our meeting.”“Oh ok, so he’s like, your right arm or something?”“I didn’t have a specific Priest in mind. Just pick one randomly”“Solid method, Goddess. I now understand why this world is in so much trouble”“Whatever! This is not my problem anymore!” she says, smiling with disarming sincerity.“You’re on your own now! Good luck in your quest to save anime!”“Th-thanks”
>>46101886IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF: SAVING ANIME QUESTThis world can't be saved by just one man.Make your way through the dark alleys of the Holy City, uncovering its secrets and making new allies in the process.Will you discover the truth about the Prophecy which seems to be linked to the Outers of the Setting Sun?This, and much less, in the next episode of SAVING ANIME QUEST.
>>46101932Solid work author
>>46102130I won't be avoiding your next one, This turned out to be a pretty funny read. Jesus when?
>>46102350But anon, you are the Jesus.
>>46102350anime jesus when?
>>46102130We're gonna have to become anti Anime soon. Escape this realm.We all know that the school girls legions of grandeur will attempt to eradicate or kill us via smothering us in clammy girls trying to get noticed. We must escape this realm, our comrades made in this realm will turn on us in our moment of glory, and trap us for an eternity.We must escape this realm, they always are swiftly ended within hours, only to become more complex in each variant and harder to leave.We must escape.We Must.
>>46102402https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRZAk2rfESU"Become the hermit the world wants to kill.">SA
>>46102381 I've ascended to a new plane of existence thank you OP. >>46102399When its the properchosen onestime
>>46102402>unironically thinking you can leave without divine powersWew ladYou will have to pick your side eventually.
>>46102443Since we are taking names now, I will become The Evader, trying anything in the powers which I am bestowed by The Author. And get our person, us, out.
>>46102497>Implying I wont find a way, and intentionally vote for us any option I see that will give us such powers. It's an anime after all, and anime's bestow their main characters some special trait.
>>46102497Can't we become our own Side? Become an Animu God amongst gods?>>46102500turn the trip off, In a quest its 'okay' to have a name most of the time but not a trip. That's saved for OP anon. Also word of advice keep it in only the quest or else anons will rape you. They are assholes.
>>46102546>Inb4 OP makes us God of Escapism and glutony
>>46102546yeah please Evader, >>46102522, name's fine but the trip might get confused.I do it for the other anons who might mix the two up, it's not like I would mix up my trip and your right? ahahah...ahah....ah send help Anyway the mythology and the theology aren't well defined yet. So I won't confirm nor deny your theories, you will have time to change mind or think of something.The number one rule of fiction is to try and make sense of things that don't look like they need to make sense. And that's what I will be going for.
>>46102629I'd have a giggle.>>46102651Its a good thing i'm here then, because I make sense of things that don't make sense. Because it all makes perfect sense when the reality of sense isn't in the right state of sense and matter. Makes sense right? Whenever you die for the night have a good one. Can't wait to see the next one.