Stupid magic item threadAnything you can think of, but it has to be either pointless, silly or with such a ridiculously specific purpose as to be effectively be uselessYou have 30 seconds go go go
A mirror in which you can only see the reflections of people who dislike you, anyone else seems invisible.
>>48412026Cloak of slime bodyMakes the user's body slime like, becoming semi solid and replacing organs with uncomplicated and quick to regenerate organellesHowever, the user's brain also becomes an organelle, leaving the user unable to perform actions while the magic is in effect
>>48412066>it's just a normal mirror
>>48412026Pole of dragon detectionPoke ahead of you; if pole ignites, you may have found the dragon
>>48412026Piglet of monster detectionIt's just a pigletSend it out in front of you, if you hear squealing, go the other way
>>48412026Gauntlets of Ogre DowerWorth exactly enough to be used as a dowry for anyone wanting to marry an ogre
>>48412066that can be used to find a assassin.
An amulet that makes you incredibly in tune with yourself and you surroundings.You also become a dumb wolf.
>>48412026>Knife of Perpendicular CuttingAlways makes a cut perpendicular to how it's swung, the actual knife part phases through whatever it touches unless it the perpendicular 'blade' would be stopped. It is otherwise an ordinary knife, and any harm done to it is reflected in the projected blade.
>>48412363>Knife of Feints
>>48412026Gauntlets of Lordly MightWhile wearing these gauntlets, your strength changes to that of the nearest lord or equivalent.
>>48412026Orb of boundingIf you throw it, it bounds around all over the placeIs made of rubber
>>48412382Not what I meant, anon, the projected blade would basically be a cross sticking out of the middle of the regular knife, as if two knives were made and fused perpendicularly to each other in the middle of their blades, without the extra weight.
Rod of Tuning. It tunes any musical instrument it strikes. 6 charges.
>>48412026Scroll of everything is on firewhen you cast this spell, everything sets on fire.The monsters are on firethe dungeons are on fireyou are on firewhat have you done
>>48412026Amulet of turn undeadWhen used, undead creatures in range turn to the sideThey are then able to act normally
>>48412450How often can you use this amulet?
>>48412026Coin of ExchangeA magical coin that allows it to be exchanged for its face value worth of goods.Boots of DrynessMagically keeps feet from getting wet even when submerged in liquidsSpider Gloveproduces spides inside itself when worn. You can feel the spiders.
>>48412026Bag of LocustsThis bag appears as a Bag of Holding. Upon opening the clasp at the top of the bag, the bag produces an endless stream of locusts. The bag cannot be closed.
>>48412468Once per day, recharges at dusk
>>48412468How am I supposed to make them do the thriller dance then?
>>48412423Savage fucking bleed damage. Knives like that are a war crime
Ring of DeathwatchThis ring changes color depending on whether the wearer is alive or dead. It does not function on the undead.
>>48412478Going by RAW the Coin of Exchange bypasses local currencies allowing it to be spent anywhere, the Boots of Dryness don't stipulate they have to be worn in order to work, and the Spider Glove would make for a very useful torture device.
>>48412576Okay, let me explain.It's one knife, with one functioning blade, that cuts one time in one direction.Imagine if the hitbox on a knife in a video game were turned perpendicularly to the shape of the blade itself, but the hitbox was still technically linked to the knife object. That's what I mean.
>>48412026Fake teeth of the vampireCheap plastic fangs that make the wearer appear, for all intents and purposes, as a true vampireThey do this by casting a curse which turns the wearer into a vampireThe fangs are treated as the wearer's master vampire, whose only orders are to shill more fangs to people
Wand of Moisture: Makes something mildly damp.
>>48412621so it tries to cut with the dull side?>>48412026ring of unbearable hardshipwhen worn, the wearer is attacked by bears
>>48412026Ring of Random Gender ChangeThe wearer's gender changes randomly at random intervals.
>>48412428Nigger I know people who would sell a testicle for one of those.Shit you sell a couple to a big-name band and you just got half a dozen people fired, because suddenly they don't need to rotate through freshly tuned instruments after ever song.
>>48412026Pocket ballistaA magically shrunk ballista which fits inside ones pocketFires only magically shrunk bolts
>>48412646Picture a hoe, or the flattened side of a pickaxe.It's just a horizontal cutting surface that looks like a vertical one.
Staff of disintegration. When activated, it disintegrates.
>>48412703i thought i knew what you were talking about but now i'm really confused
>>48412026Ring of Slope detectionPlace the ring on it's side, and it will instantly roll in the direction of a slope.
>>48412750Look nigger, this isn't hard.
>>48412750It's a knife that cuts wrong, because it looks and feels like you're cutting one way when the knife actually cuts another.It was made by a wizard to fuck with people and provoke arguments about its description.
>Ring of procrastinationThe enchantment on this ring was never completed.>Milk Of BraveryThis draught raises morale. It also goes bad after only a few days. By the time most adventurers find one of these it tends to stink to high heavens.>Boots of DancingThese fancy boots know 17 different dances!But, seeing as they are an inanimate object, they have no way of showing them to you.>Bow of near missesNobody is sure if this bow is cursed or blessed. It depends on what you use it for, as it always nearly misses what you aim at.>Necklace of fireIt's a necklace. And it's on fire.
>>48412735So what >>48412382 was sayingit'd be excellent for feints, because when your opponent tries to block your cut the actual cut comes from the sideSounds really useful
>>48412026Jug of the everflowing seaA jug that's filled with an infinite amount of water, hold it and pour for water to come outUnfortunately, it's salt water
>>48412832I thought that he understood it that the arc of the attack comes in the perpendicular direction, which it doesn't. The cutting edge is still attatched to the knife. In fact, it would probably mostly be useful for throwing people off as a parrying dagger, because it blocks attacks it looks like it shouldn't.
>>48412829>These fancy boots know 17 different dances!>But, seeing as they are an inanimate object, they have no way of showing them to you.If only. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byAfC5yW_hw
>>48412829>I have no mouth and I must dance
>>48412066That lets you find out who dislikes you, though. It's very useful.>>48412684It's essentially a cuter pocket crossbow. That might come in handy someday.>>48412829If you can train yourself to aim at, say, a brooch on your opponent's torso, their belt buckle, etc., that bow would be incredible.>>48412868This is as abuseable as a Decanter of Endless water, except for drinking purposes. On the plus side, unlimited salt!
>>48412832Except that's wrong. The cut comes from the same direction it appears to, the plane of the edge is just rotated.Let's establish the axis here. From hilt to point will be X, from edge to spine will be Y, and from flat to flat will be Z. 0X is defined as the point equidistant between tip and guard.The blade's effective cutting edge is rotated 90°X. All other aspects, including appearance, are unchanged from an ordinary knife. This means it will harmlessly pass through anything which comes into contact with any part of the visible blade except for one point in the middle, and it will cut with an invisible edge anything which passes through a line equal to the half the length of the blade extending to either side from that point.
>>48413400>their belt buckleFor once, that .50cal gunner's saying will be right.
Cleanly Unfair Coin: exactly one third of the time is heads when flipped.Spices of Tastelessness: When added to food makes it more bland.Uni-Directional Boomerang: A boomerang that doesn't return.Anachronistic Helium Balloon: Floats upwards if not weighed down, additionally by quaffing some of the air you can make your voice more high pitched/squeaky.
>>48413632>Spices of Tastelessness: When added to food makes it more bland.this could be used to make gross things taste good by re-spicing them, extremely useful in survival and even in creating gainers
>>48413673That was the intended use, but OTHER spices also cover unsavoury flavours (that is one of the reasons many spices where worth more than their weight in gold, they extended the "shelf life" of food before refrigeration)
>>48412273Except an assassin doesn't hate or dislike you. He doesn't know you. It's just business.
>>48412662Sceptr of Tumblr
>>48412026Wizened ringGuarantees the user will win any game of bingo they play, provided they are the oldest person within 60 feet
>>48413827Wisent RingCan be used once a day to summon a Bison.
>>48412503The mere threat of this could bring a nation to their knees. Do you even know what locusts do?
The Hidden Knife: A knife with a 6 inch blade, that magically appears to all but the wielder to be a full-size broadsword
Lizard Summoning Rock: when cast into a fire, this rock will summon an anole or other small lizard within 24 hours
>>48412662>The wearer's gender changes randomly at random intervals.>There are two genders and at any given time you are one of them, leaving only one possible thing to swap to.>RandomlyI guess if chromosome errors count as genders then, sure, it can swap me to a "random gender".Otherwise, "randomly" is redundant since any change will be a change to the only other available option.
Grammar Owl: A magical owl that automatically attacks anyone who it hears use correct grammar.
Wand of Time Confusion: A wand that you can point at someone to make them forget what time, day of the week, and date it is.
Amulet of Crickets: An amulet that makes the wearer unable to tell a joke or elicit laughter from others in any way.
Endless Plate: A dinner plate that reveals an exact duplicate of itself when picked up off the table
>>48414946>infinite plates and food??
>>48414974no food, just the plate
>>48414986thats still infinite platesdepending on what they're made of, that can still be somewhat valuable>wood: free fire wood>ceramic: can be broken for sharp shards>glass, metal: free glass/metaleither way, having free throwing plates is kinda fun
>>48415020I was imaging it as ceramic. It's also got the limit that it only produces when set down on a table and then lifted off. I don't see many situations where you're at a table and need a lot of ceramic shards
>>48412397>not might of Lorde
>>48412026>Ring of Boundless Visions>When the wearer of this ring sleeps, deeply realistic and uncontrollable visions come upon them. The visions feel as if they are actually taking place, and the wearer is likely to react as if they were truly experiencing the events, interacting with nearby objects as if they were the items witnessed in the visions. Often, the wearer's visions will be nonsensical, containing impossible events, or confluences of recent events with fanciful imaginings. Sometimes, however, exact repeats of recent events will occur, or the vision will eerily resemble events of the near future. However, upon waking, the wearer will remember very little of the vision, if at all.
>rid of grass detection When activated, the user magically knows the direction of the closest patch of grass. If used while within 100 yards of grass, the user is compelled to eat the grass.
>>48414621>Implying that isn't a ridiculously good assassin weaponYou go to stab someone with it. They attempt to block an attack from a bigass greatsword, whereupon their weapon phases through air and they get stabbed by the little blade.Effectively it makes them fuck up their blocks.
>>48412074seems perfect for undead or a fighter.
Potion of EXTREME MANLY Beard GrowthIt will slightly accelerate your beard growth; or make you able to grow a thin beard if you couldn't grow it before.
>>48413908Wincest ring>your mother sneaks into your bed at night and does stuff to you in your sleep.If your mother's across the globe, she'll find her way to you.If she's dead, she'll still find her way to you.
>>48415270Wince-est RingDoubles the effects of all winces, flinches, and other similar involuntary actions
>>48412026Stopped Watch of ForesightAllows you to see brief glimpses into the future, but is only right twice a day.
>The Gray QuicheAny damage done to the quiche is reflected in the user it is soul bonded with, and vice versa.
>>48415530Surprisingly often found under benches
The GroloMagiTek™ Universal Reset Switch: Capture Your Timestream.The GMT:URS was in development as the GMT: Universal Mimic Device, as it was supposed to create a universe with the exact same beginning conditions of the one in which it was created. Unfortunately, the resources required to create a universe under those exact same conditions are almost exactly one universe, and, due to an error not caught in the debugging process, SmartScry magick built into the device finds the universe with the most equivalent total matter, energy, and magick... Which is invariably the universe in which it is used.The existence of this device has rendered philosophical discussions of determinism obsolete among scholars in the Hyperverse (A polymultiversal conglomerate of multiphase spacetime webs), as the initial activation of a device causes its universe to become phase locked and repeat the exact same events each time, up to and including the activation of the device.
And sorry to repost this but:>The GroloMagitek™ Multipurpose Extinction Event Generator: Pest Control for a New EraThe GroloMagitek™ Multipurpose Extinction Event Generator has over 14,000 unique settings. The original manual is written in an ancient proto-language and the taskmages involved are long dead. The only decipherable setting is "Auto" written in common.(P.S. "Auto" causes it to remove all traces of its own existence from all of space-time and the multiverse)
>>48413792So you use it to view the members of your court circle. The one guy you can see in the mirror is there to kill you.
>>48415662Says who? Just because they dislike you doesn't mean they want to have you killed. And, since we're talking about politicians, just because they like you doesn't mean they WON'T have you killed.
Game MasterAn amulet which grants the bearer insight on optimal strategies for any sort of tabletop game, be it cards, chess, dominoes, or Yahtzee. The bearer's luck and intelligence are not impacted by wearing the amulet, as the amulet will only offer the user the odds of success and the best options available to the player to achieve that success. The amulet will lose its power if gambled away, and thus should not be passed around in this manner.
>>48412468>Amulet of Undead Spinning
>>48412478>Boots of Dryness>Magically keeps feet from getting wet even when submerged in liquidsI would kill for this.
Dagger of SuspicionThe dagger appears incredibly suspicious to anyone, for no good reason - their intuition just yells at them that something isn't right about it, but any theory for "what's wrong" seems incorrect. It's completely normal otherwise.
Castle +15. It's just a regular castle, but it functions like any +15 weapon if you would manage to wield it
>>48412684The perfect weapon against people with antimagic auras.
>>48412829>Milk of BraveryYou'd have to be really brave to drink that.
>>48412398If you can enchant it further, that can become a deadly weapon in enclosed spaces
>>48416133Anon no don't start this conversation again. Learn from the great wars of "I shrunk cannonballs and fired them with my rifle through an anti magic ring at the end of the rifle" (the question was whether F=m/2*v^2 still applied, which would cause the cannon balls to slow down drastically)
Ring of False PrideA cheap copper ring that looks incredibly expensive to the wearer (and only to the wearer).Dagger of SeppukuIt becomes +5 if the wielder uses it against himself.Cloak of Invisibility The cloak itself is invisible, and it makes the wearer think he's invisible too (he isn't).
mithril warhammera warhammer made of the incredibly light, yet tough metal, mithril
>>48412437My warlock runs on this shit. It's incredibly overpowered. Never underestimate unavoidable AoE attacks.
>>48412026"Pierceless Spear" This spear cannot pierce any defence, even the thinnest cloth will appear invincible when struck by this weapon."Unblocking shield" This shield is sundered by even the weakest excuse of a weapon, the weakest poke piercing it and the laziest slash making pieces of it.
>>48412478>A magical coin that allows it to be exchanged for its face value worth of goods.If you've a lot of them and if you can do this anywhere that's incredibly valuable.>Facing a vampire? Scroll of daylight, please.>Werewolf? I need silvered crossbow bolts now!>Unarmed at a ball, and assassins attack? I exchange my coins for armour and sword!
>>48415034>mount small table to arm>unlimited throwing weapons
>>48415425>put on ring>gain inhumanly powerful autonomic reflexes
>>48414649Lizards are cute!>>48415145Great for detecting oases in a desert.>>48416110You could plant it on somebody that you want people to be distrustful of. It could set the snowball rolling.>>48416179First and third could be used for playing mindgames with an enemy. Second is the next-best thing to a cyanide pill for a revolutionary who doesn't wanna get interrogated.>>48416361Those could be useful if you're trying to con someone.
>Sphere of Avian AttractionIt's a stone orb that attracts birds. It's about 3 feet wide though so it's difficult to carry around and has to be rolled or carried by multiple people.
Ring of yawningThe wearer yawns at the beginning of each sentence, for the duration of the sentence, except for the final word. No tears are released during the yawn and the wearer does not actually feel tired.
>>48416407>bite through your tongue instead of just biting it>detach eyeballs when you try to follow a ball in your vision>break all your bones when you try to twist away from damage
>>48416162Don't see why, the point of a pocket ballista wouldn't be to shoot at someone within an antimagic field, but to "activate" when walking into an antimagic field. Like:>Haha! Now i've got you under my antimagic dome of->[Riiiiiip]>[Plop]>Did a ballista just fell out of your pocket?Nah, i am just happy to see you
>>48416705>Nah, I'm just happy to see youTop kek
A stick that heals the exact amount of damage it deals
>>48413400>On the plus side, unlimited salt!So it's basically a player then?
>>48416880That one can be abused a plenty. For looping various "whenever you're healed" and "whenever you take damage" triggers.
>>48412026Sword of Nudity. Destroys the clothes of anything it hits.
>>48416880We've been over this one alreadyTorture device
>>48416912sounds pretty useful to me, in defeating a knight
>>48416947It destroys clothes, not armor.
a cloak that turns you invisible but only if there arent anyone in the area that could see you. if there is, invisibility breaks.
>>48416954Does gambeson counts as armor? If so, your knight in full plate is pretty much done forWearing armor wihtout padding is just ot the same
Sharp sphere. An object where every side is sharp.
>>48415835>you >... >the joke
>>48417198>I-it was a joke you guys. You just don't get it!
>>48417231>the assassin is the only person on the court who won't hate you Here, I'll explain the joke for you. It's funny, because it subverts the expectation: courtiers should be the ones who help you, thus having positive feelings towards you, while the assassin should attempt to hurt you, thus having negative feelings towards you. But in the joke it's subverted! It also plays on the experiences of you having facetious friends, so you can also relate to the hero of the joke! Now with the knowledge why it's so hilarious you can get back to shitposting.
>>48417288Then the assassin would be the only guy you DON'T see in the mirror as opposed to being the only guy you DO see in the mirror. Which, admittedly, would be kind of funny. Too bad you fail at grammar, so now no-one will laugh.
>>48412770nigga it's the Orb of Slope Detection. A perfectly spherical orb indicates the direction and magnitude of any slope it's placed upon.
>>48417476>A perfectly spherical orbSee, where do we find an orb that's so perfect and doesn't suffer from friction? It might be useful for, like, 1-2-3 deg slopes
the hood of damphairthis magical hood allows you to detect imminent rain so you can put your hood up early. However it does this by absorbing any moisture spilt on it precisely one minute into the future so whenever you put the hood up its already slightly damp.
Orb of Approximately True SightAn orb that allows the user to scry any creature or location and receive a vision of what's probably going on there.
Wand of Magic MissesA wand with seven charges that may be expended to launch a magic projectile that will unerringly fail to hit its target
>>48413762That's not right. It's a common myth, though. The truth of the matter is that people never ate rotten food, but that spices were so heavily used precisely because they were expensive, as it showed how rich you were that you could offer so much of it to your guests.Salt, however, was very commonly used, and still is used sometimes, to extend the lifetime of meat as it inhibits the growth of microorganisms.
>>48417555Just carry another, regular one. >>48417689However, in modern times it's a trick used by some restaurants. If your food is spicy even though it shouldn't be, the ingredients were probably bad.
>>48414700Oh it's far worse than that, this ring can force you to open a tumblr account.
>>48415178>Ridiculously good assassins weapon>Sneking into a place with what looks like a massive greatsword>Fighting the guy head on, swinging the greatsword so they can block>If they have a weapon and can block, they can probably call for guardsIt's the worlds best assassin weapon for the worlds worst assassin.
>>48415487So if you precommit to only using it twice a day you're guaranteed two accurate visions of the future.
Bag of Several RatsIt's a botched bag of holding, that when opened produces 2d6 rats. The rats are drawn from the same pool of 12 rats every time and have distinct personalities.The rats disappear at the next dawn, and then bag may be used again
>Lesser Wand of InscribingThe wielder may inscribe up to 144 letters of a language he can read on a vellum, wood, paper, or cloth surface that is within arm's reach for the wielder. Once 144 letters have been inscribed, the wand's power is lost forever. The letters may wear off under physical duress but are otherwise permanent.
>>48417871so now you have to carry a damp hood in your pocket which is arguably just as bad as having a damp hood up.>>48417895this is amazingly useful. put points into animal handling, get animal friendship and talk to animals. train my team of rats to distract guards so I can pull off druidic heists and liberate nature artefacts from the oppressive grasp of the city dwellers. The rats then appear back next morning so I don't feel guilty about risking them dying.
>>48417148Too bad spheres don't have any sides.
>>48418069it has an infinite number of sides, cut through anything
>>48418051>The rats steal the bag from you>They keep pulling their brothers from the bag so each one has a turn carrying the bag>They take the artifact with them so they can sell it for pretty penny>Turns out that just becuse they are animals, doesnt meant they give a shit about nature>They just want the doshIt is said that to this day, they are still looking for a way to free themselves from that bag
>>48418093whoa slow down m8, these rats are just smart enough to run around a corner and jump up a trouser on command and no smarter. I'd keep them nice and dumb so they don't conspire against me.
>>48412026a stone that makes you float, but only while you're in contact with the ground
>>48418189I'm sure there's a way to make a vehicle out of this. So far I'm thinking a wheel with stretched out slimes inside it, and the stone is passed from slime to slime so that the slime on the side is always trying to float upwards and thus propels the wheel through the water.
>>48412577Cool, put it on suspected vampi->It does not function on the undead.Damn it.
>>48412026>Ring of ShowmanshipProduces appropriately dramatic wind when entering a room, plays suitable music in most situations, adds better lighting to the area, and generally does everything a magic ring can to make you seem more impressive.
>>48414946How do you get it to stop?If it makes an exact duplicate, than the copy would have the same properties, a plate that makes more plates that make more plates.
>>48418135Thanks to people like you, the rat apocalyse is just around the corner.If the experiments we run on them here gave them superintelligence, just imagine what a lazy wizard might have given to ratdom without realizing.These rats always come back, no matter what and they learn from the experience.They've been around for far longer than you or me have. Learning.Why do you thing the bag is called The nest of the Rat King ?You just went and gave them druid levels. Bastards learn by example.Great, now i have another NPC that i won't be able to fit in my setting no matter how much i want to
>>48413632>Uni-Directional Boomerang: A boomerang that doesn't return.So basically a normal boomerang. Because real boomerangs don't even fucking return.
>>48418240Still has some functionality. Put it on someone about to be executed; if the ring doesn't verify their death after you kill them, they're a vampire.>>48418252Smash the plate.Smash the table.Instead of lifting it, scoot it off the edge of the table.Use a tablecloth WARNING: May result in mesh or texture clipping.
>>48416132>Slam a door inside the castle in someone's face>That +15 seems real relevant now
>>48418252smash the plate, or smash the table
>>48414946>Endless PlateI get it
>>48416971Should be able to defeat scrying, since the person doing the scrying isn't someone in the area that could see you.
Bow of Backwardness.Fires arrows backwards.Compass of detect magic.Points towards the closest magical item. The needle keeps chasing itself.Candlestick of Detect Light.Glows when exposed to light.Bagpipe of Sneaking.Playing it make you walk more quietly.
>>48412026>amulet of stealthAn amulet designed to assist non-stealthy people with sneaking. It lights up when the wearer is near anyone who doesn't notice them.>keyhider ringA metal loop for holding keys. There is a minor charm enchantment on it that makes the keys unnoticeable and easily forgotten to anyone looking for them.>fingerwhere glovesA set of gloves designed for people missing a finger or two. They can be easily modified to remove unnecessary finger sleeves, and come in a variety of tasteful colors.>wiping scabbardA scabbard for wiping blood off a sword before sheathing it. The blood is wiped off using the outside of the scabbard, which must be done before the blade is sheathed.
Dress of Uncertainty - a beautiful gown the color of which appears different to every viewer. The enchantment also causes each viewer to be convinced that their perception is correct, and if someone disagrees they must be seeing incorrectly, or lying.
Shoes of Surefootedness - shoes that, when worn, become firmly fixed to the ground, and cannot be moved by any force.
>>48418387But they completely redrew and reanimated every episode in E8. None of them were "exact duplicates".Why does she sit like that?
>>48418619It's just a pun. Endless Eight -> Endless Plate
>>48416179First one is a perfect marriage ring
>>48412026Exploding LockWhenever the lock is picked/broken or opened without the original key it explodes.
Clay of Discovered Life - A lump of clay, when molded into the shape of a living creature, it becomes animate and assumes the properties of it's shape. But only if shaped by someone who doesn't expect it to do that.
>>48418697That sounds like a reasonably normal mystical security measure. Perhaps one the enchanter will regret when they lose the key themselves, but not pointless, terribly silly, or particularly niche.
Sharing Goblets - A set of ten fine crystal goblets. When liquid is poured in one of the goblets, the other 9 will fill with an equal amount of mass. Small stones, water, tadpoles, it's completely random, but the mass will match that of the liquid poured in the first goblet
>>48412684I have a character who uses magically shrunken rocks. The physics make no sense, but apparently they have the mass of a catapult stone but only after you throw them.
>>48418792Well, hey, keep trying until one of them hits "gold coins" or "emeralds" or something.
Ring of Attunement - Allows the wearer to attune one extra magical item; requires attunement
>>48418839Gold is heavier and has greater mass than wine, by a fairly large margin. Emeralds might be possible, though.
Bracelet of Polite Company - An elegant golden chain. When worn on the wrist, it prevents the wearer from speaking or hearing any profanity
>>48412026Ball of Paul WilsonA grey ball that turns cream colored when held by a man named Paul Wilson. If there is any doubt whatsoever that the person in question is named Paul Wilson, the ball will cease to change color at all. Once use only.
>>48418870Well, I'd pick quicksilver over wine if I was going for gold, personally.
Ring of The Absentminded ScholarYou can read any writing in any language. You always forget what you've read one second after reading it.
>>48418904Quicksilver is mercury, anon.
>>48418921Yeah, mercury is pretty dense but still liquid at room temperature, that's why I'd pick it. I just imagined quicksilver is what they'd call it in a fantasy world with magic goblets, so it'd be more fun to say it that way.
>>48418956You know how insanely dangerous mercury is, though? Just the smell of it can cause nerve damage, even at room temperature and in a liquid state.
Armor of Embarrassment: Each time the wearer is struck by a blow, the wearer recalls a humiliating event from years ago.
Angry Man Token - teleports an adult human man from somewhere in the world to your location. The man will be angry on arrival.
>>48419053Angry at what? That sounds useful if you need a sudden distraction or a perfectly legitimate excuse to run away from somewhere.
>>48419053I can't think of a good use for this, apart from using it to quickly find the last man on Earth or for quickly kidnapping people for a slavery operation.
>>48419062Maybe he was angry at something when he was transported, or maybe the fact of the teleportation is why he's angry. There's no telling before you use it
>>48419121Well, if he's here and angry but not at me, I hand him an axe and point towards something alive. If he's angry at me, I try to move so he's between me and whatever's currently trying to kill me, since odds are he's just a normal human and will buy about one round's worth of time.
>>48419158>I hand him an axe and point towards something alive.He's not in like, a berserker rage. He's just normal human level of angry. If you hand him an axe he's probably gonna say "who the fuck are you?"
>>48419180"I don't know how you got here, but that bugbear over there looks pretty angry and you seemed pretty unarmed."
>>48418709>sneak a tub into a preschool>make popcorn and wait
>>48418989You're thinking of compounds like dimethyl mercury. Pure elemental mercury is safe to drink and makes for one hell of a fiber substitute.
>>48419231For real? That's... I can't even imagine what drinking liquid metal would feel like, but I can imagine it playing merry hell on your intestines.Fair point though, if the sharing goblets are based on mass then using the heaviest possible substance that can still be poured into a goblet narrows it down.
>>48419231Hang on:http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/ershdb/emergencyresponsecard_29750021.htmlElemental mercury vapors are still toxic, and it still slowly evaporates at room temperature. Ingestion is noted as not particularly dangerous since very little is absorbed through the gastrointestinal tract, but I imagine burping or passing gas could be an issue.
>>48416880Deals double damage to undead.
>>48419262>but I can imagine it playing merry hell on your intestines.I've spoken with someone who's tried it a lighthouse keeper, incidentally. The lenses float on a bath of mercury so they turn as smoothly and evenly as possible, which keeps the pattern identifying the lighthouse perfectly regular. I guess he just got an idea one day and went for it., actually. He said the next day he had the worst shit of his life, and what came out looked like a mix of shit, cancerous tumors, old blood clots, and rotten meat that took three flushes to clear.But, after that was over with, his movements were so smooth and easy he didn't even need to push for months, and never once had constipation in the decade to follow.I'm pretty sure trying it when you've got mouth sores or an ulcer or something else that gives it a path straight into the blood will still kill you, though.
Rod of Red - a small metal rod that can turn anything it touches red.
>>48419395That sounds more like he traded one problem for another, harder to detect one.
Rod of local teleportationupon using this rod you move somewhere in sight but you may not pass through barriers of any kind. Has a max range of 2 meters
>>48419480That is incredibly useful. You can teleport out of the way of an attack, teleport behind someone, if it's dark you can make it so people don't know where you are, etc.
Ring of magma breathing. Doesn't offer any protection from fire.
>>48419643well you're right then never saw it like that only put it in a jail scenario
>>48414700You're thinking of biological sex, not gender
>>48412026A mace that makes you dominant in your non dominant hand and non dominant in your dominant hand.
>>48420130Oh fuck off
Ring of Clutch Catches: The hand this ring is on gains inhumanly fast reflexes, but only when trying to catch something that just fell from a nearby surface.
Periapt of Common Metals: This periapt randomly switches its composition between lead, copper or iron.
Wand of recreationAn wand that when used creates an exact copy of itself in the hand of the user. Is destroyed in the process.
>>48412468Once per turn.The undead store any built up kinetic energy as extra potential energy for their next attack.
>>48418918Read aloud and it's a passive perceive languages spell.>>48419480Get on roofs without having to climb, cross canyons and other chasms, avoid falling deaths assuming it cancels momentum>>48414700Maybe it has a chance of hitting hermaphrodite or maybe if can trigger, but turn you into what you already are.
>>48416361>Attack Unblocking shield with the Pierceless Spear???
>>48417895>>48418274We spacemarine9 now
>>48420732And here i was thinking it would be overlooked and unnoticed, good job!
One Thousand Dominoes of Healing - If a person suffering severe blood loss sets up this set of 1,000 dominoes, and then starts the chain reaction, the moment the final domino is knocked over, all wounds are healed
>>48416179Second one could be renamed "Bane of Evil Twins". Any of those, oh no it's an evil me plotlines quickly make that an essential tool.>>48416361That spear would be good for staged fights, whether to fake a death or work safely on an actual stage.>>48416397I think they meant it will work as currency of its stated value, not that the stuff you want instantly shows up. So, more coins that don't need a money changer when travelling, less ultimate magic conveniance store. Still, they'd have the potential to supplant all international exchequers and become the only truly global currency.>>48416464Greatest hunter's lure ever invented. Just plant it where you want birds to gather and kill whatever comes.>But it's hard to move aroundThat's not a bug, it's a feature. An anti-theft feature.>>48416912Considering the sheer abundance of magical clothing (archmage's robes, cloak of invisibility, seven league boots, etc.), that would be a terrifying debuffer. Also, every magic item held in a pocket or bag and not literally strapped onto your body is now strewn about on the ground, potentially breaking potion bottles from the fall and forcing you to waste time picking stuff up.>>48417658In a hostage situation, aim at the hostage.>>48418093mypc'sbackstory.jpgroll 1d12 to determine which rat brother I'm roleplaying this session (always the one carrying the bag)>>48418240Maybe use it as an ad hoc heart monitor? Let's a field medic know when it's time to move on to the next patient.>>48418288The toy ones do. You're thinking of the hunting ones.>>48418456Some systems have a spell to alter or supress magical auras. So, that second one is a magic item detector with a security code for usage.
A wand of gentle breeze
>>48418458>Amulet of stealthUseful for training exercises. If your instructor has to see the light to spot you, you pass. If the instructor doesn't notice the light, you graduate.>Keyhider ringHide keys to things you never want opened, but fear may need opening eventually.>>48419107If it's reusable or cheap enough to recreate, it could be the friggin' cornerstone of a slavery operation.>>48419931Found on the elemental plane of fire, where most people are fireproof and wouldn't think to include that anymore than we include sunscreen into invisibility cloaks.>>48420505If nothing else, it's easy to reshape in the lead phase for decorative purposes in the copper phase and tool uses in the iron phase.>>48422144Pair that with a ring of unending hemophilia, which prevents death from blood loss as long as they continue to bleed (and causes constant bleeding from even minor wounds, preventing any healing that would stop this), and you've got a free full heal after every battle, so long as you get the timing right when putting on/taking off the ring.Many, many people have died by getting the timing wrong.
>>48414946>improvised throwing weapon
>>48413673Diplomats would kill for a spice like that.
>>48414649it's a druids get out of jail free card.
>>48418619Maybe her butt hurts?
>>48418189You could probably use this to stretch across gaps that can't otherwise be jumped over, since you could hang your feet over one ledge while grabbing the other ledge with your hands. Rock climbing would be a lot safer, at least.
>>48412101"It was that particular Dibbler brand of ingenuity: completely accurate, while being at the same time completely useless."
>>48412684This wouldn't be useless at all, but it would be really cool if the bolts turned back to full-size as soon as they left the ballista.No one expects a 9-foot arrow from 6 feet away.
>>48416294>tie a knife on the end>incredibly light, yet tough spear
Compendium of Dubiously Useful Artifacst.Contains this thread.
>>4842420710% off for our boys in brown! Civic service, really is!
>>48412026Ring of Undetectionas soon as you put it on, it becomes impossible to detect by normal means, but is still there so other rings can't go on that finger
>>48417198I get the joke, it just isn't a good joke
>>48412829The bow of aim small miss small.
>>48412026Stick of dog detection
>>48416162Maybe the mass isn't changed and it's just incredibly heavy?
>>48415054Ya ya ya
>>48414946What happens if you tip the table?
>>48418651What if she takes it off?
>>48419202But won't the preschoolers expect it after the first couple times?
Hat of inverted HatteryFolding this hat inside out will turn it into a completely new hat - However, the hat will always be the least applicable to the position you're currently in.
>Gauntlets of HobblingThese gauntlets reduce the wearer's strength to 3, but only for purposes of to-hit and damage rolls with melee weapons. They are not cursed items, and can be removed freely. Originally commissioned in bulk by a frustrated general as a way to reduce injuries and deaths induced during sparring and drills.
>Staff of OgebWhen a remote monastery dedicated to Ogeb, God of Earth, was about to be sacked by orcish raiders, its head priest prayed to Ogeb for a way to protect the massive golden statue of the god which was the monastery's most prized possession, and in his hands appeared this staff.The Staff is merely a +1 quarterstaff in combat. But in the hands of a priest of Ogeb, its power may be invoked once per day. When invoked, a single inanimate object of up to 20 cubic feet in size touched by the staff will instantly be covered by a thin layer of clay. The object itself will be unharmed underneath, and the clay will break away cleanly if an effort is made to clean the object.
>Ring of Elf IdentificationAllows the wearer to determine if any person whom they look at is a full-blooded elf, regardless of any illusions, disguises, or other attmpts to conceal their race. Commissioned by King Waloon II during a period of heightened tension between his kingdom and the Elflands, he believed it would allow him to identify any elven assassins sent to eliminate him. Unfortunately for him, he failed to account for the fact that it only worked on persons whom he could see; only days after the ring was delivered to him, a dagger was placed between his shoulderblades by an invisible elven agent.
Bell of minor annoyance Every time you ring this bell some random person in the world will have a minor and insignificant annoyance happen to them
>Sword of ImpatienceOne will always act first in any combat round in which they attempt to wield this sword, as it guides its wielder to strike at the first available opening--whether the wielder wants to or not. For every point difference between the initiative of the wielder and their opponent, the wielder suffers a -1 penalty to hit (e.g. if the wielder rolls four points worse for initiative than their opponent, the wielder suffers a -4 to-hit penalty and acts first in the round). There is no to-hit modifier is the wielder rolls equal to or better than their opponent.
>Goblet of Surreptitious SobrietyThe wizard Festia was often invited to social functions which required her to imbibe. Seeking a polite way to avoid tipsiness on those occasions when she preferred a clear head, she created this goblet. Whenever filled with any liquid containing alcohol, that portion of the liquid is converted to pure water. The goblet has no effect on anything poured into it other than alcohol, and (as Festia discovered to her chagrin) the taste of wine is not assisted by converting its alcohol content to water.
A ordinary looking and heavily patched but self repairing bag, that contains a malicious spirit with an ability to instantly slap you, steal a random equiped item and them stab you. It also seems to mock you everytime it happens, as a faint laughing noise will be heard in the background
An emerald ring that makes people think it's a ruby ring.
>>48427859Due to a misreading of the linked item, I present:>Sword of ImpotenceThis sword appears to be a beneficial magical longsword of any other type - anything from a standard +1 blade to a +5 Holy Avenger. When the sword is wielded by a biologically male character, his penis will no longer function as a sexual organ. Elimination functions are not inhibited. The effect is permanent, but can only be cured once ownership of the sword is transferred to another biological male.The legendary Blue Rhombus Amulet of Pfizer is said to counteract the effects of the Sword of Impotence.
>>48412026The Nearly-Vorpal SwordDoes massive damage that brings enemies to near death, but can never actually kill them.
>>48416179>Dagger of SeppukuCut your finger, dagger becomes +5 dagger. You now have a +5 dagger, continue normal use.if != while
>>48428535Sounds useful to anyone who would prefer to deal with enemies without killing them, for moral reasons, bounties, etcetera.
>>48412478>boots of drynessshit man that'd be great army standard issue, especially if it works against sweat too, no more trench foot for anyone
>>48426126>it's always a fedora
>Ring of Sexy KidsTurns the wearer into a pedophile and also massively increases their sex drive. Cannot be removed.
>The Girdle of Devious ObfuscationIt makes your poop come out white.
>>48429801Unless you time travel to a time when they were stylish and fashionable, in which case they become pic related
Ring of Featherbait Makes you sexually irresistible to gryphons of both gender
>>48412026Shoe of left footWhen placed upon your right foot, it will appaear as though you have two left feet
The Half Empty GlassIf one attempts to fill it past halfway, the excess poured fluid evacuates. The Half Full GlassIf one attempts to fill it past halfway, an excess amount of pre-existing fluid evacuates
>>48412829If it's a bow of near MISSES, and it always NEARLY MISSESThen that means it always hits, but almost misses (but doesn't). So as long as you're playing in a world where a hit is a hit (as opposed to glancing vs. full hits) then you're absolutely golden to auto-hit whatever you aim at.
>>48430442They seem to think gender is a euphemism for sex, citing some social """""scientist""""" from the 50s, even though I'm pretty sure gender is a really old word that was carried over from German.
Dagger of complimentsIt's just an ordinary dagger but you can't unsheathe it if you don't whisper it some compliments first
>>48418456>Candlestick of Detect Light.Take two Candlesticks.Shine a bit of light on one of them.Stick them on your belt, and now go into whatever dark dungeon you want to, praising the power of reverse feedback loop. There are also ways to put those in a box and make them stop glowing or start glowing with a flick of a switch, if you're inventive enough.It might be worth it or not worth it depending on whether the strength of candlestick's light is dependent on how much light is cast on it, whether they ever run out of charge or if they just need a source of light, and what purpose you need the light for. Also, if the intensity of light is dependent on how much light it receives, I think you might be able to make a laser, or something with those.
>>48418575Might be used to cause a big ruckus on some big party a lot of nobles are at. Bonus points if someone from the royal family wears it.
>>48418889Might be fun to give to somebody you want to curse at right while he's looking without him noticing, or to somebody with a dirty mouth.Depending on whether it blocks individual words or sentences, might only show its true power when speaking Russian.
>>48419419If you're in medieval times, could save you a fortune on dyes and make you incredibly wealthy, depending on what shade it's in.If there is a Rod of Green and Rod of Blue and if it's easily reproducable and robust, might also enjoy good usage in Magitek.
>>48420231Good if you lost your dominant hand prior.Also might be a good confusion weapon if put into non-dominant hand, or if you're trying to make the opponent think you suck at fighting.
>>48428535Incredibly useful if you have as much as a normal dagger with you too.Any opponent killed with two hits is an incredible power.
>>48429889You want somebody in prison and their reputation forever tarnished?Today's your lucky day!
>>48412577So would putting it on an undead give a false positive? what is the default color? The 'not living' color is the default one, right? It changes color when a living person puts it on?
>>48415034I'm picturing a plate launcher, like those nerf disk launchers, but with plates. just sharpen the plate's edge.
>>48412026Salad fork of coldIts a normal mundane salad fork. It keeps your salad chilled
Mask of Cat Confusion - A mask that briefly confuses any cat who sees it
The Peacemaker BladeAn enchanted Longsword +5 once owned by a paladin that followed a god of peaceWhen swung at an enemy, the sword will animate and blubber loudly, going on and on about how violence is against its religion. Users must succeed on a DC30 strength check or the sword only does 1 damage to the enemy.
Chamber of Sex Change - a large wooden box. If someone steps inside and closes the lid, when the lid is opened again the person will discover that they're genitals have been transformed to those of the opposite sex. No other physical changes will occur
>>48436110I'll take twenty
>>48414727Grammar Owl: A magical owl that automatically attacks anyone who it hears use correct grammar.whomever it hears*
>>48412026The Nigger Knocker>a mace that auto-crits versus dindus, darkies, and assorted boons
Shrinking Rod - a ten foot long metal rod. When held, it shrinks at a rate of of 1 inch per hour. Cannot be unshrunk, completely resistant to spells of enlargement
Tabard of Bearable Sadness - a woolen tabard that makes the wearer sad.
Air in a Jar: a mason jar filled to the brim with fresh air! Perfect for delving into underwater dungeons or climbing the highest mountains! Buy one now at the low, low price of 250 gold pieces!
>>48412026A head sized rock that in totally indestructible and is immune to magical effects. I watched my party fight over this rock for an hour.>>48412026
A broken mirror, whose shards never reflect the person looking at it, no matter what angle you stare at it from. Those who finally find themselves in the broken mirror will find that other mirrors no longer show their reflection, and that they no longer cast a shadow.A sword of sharpness that is only a naked blade with no handle. If set into a handle, it simply glides out when used for the first time. The only way to weild it is by gripping it with an armored hand, which often leads to self-injury.A lantern whose black flame creates an aura of darkness. Those standing within the radius sometimes see a warped and distorted version of the world, where everything takes on a sinister quality.A book made from human skin, with a human face on the cover. The face will speak and will give advice to whoever consults it. However, it will not tell the user anything except what they already believe to be true. It screams in agony whenever it is opened up.
>>48437153>A book made from human skin, with a human face on the cover. The face will speak and will give advice to whoever consults it. However, it will not tell the user anything except what they already believe to be true."Hey guys, I found this creepy-looking book. I bet its evil and summons demons or something. I wonder what it does..."Suddenly the book speaks: "I am an evil book that summons demons""Well at least it is honest. Into the fireplace it goes."
>>48428404It is said the curse can be broken if a man passes the blade on to be used by his eldest barbarian daughter. Though others claim this would only cause it make bedding her impossible.>>48428552You misunderstand. By "it turns into +5 when wielded against yourself" they mean like how ogre bane daggers turn plus whatever against ogres. The bonuses are higher against those specific things, they don't get a permanent boost from killing those things.>>48429991This is both why you always identify loot before using it, and why you never steal from gryphon herders.>>48430681The difference is identified by pouring in a separate, second liquid after the halfway point.>>48432739That is a really clever analysis, and now I'm going to be scanning these items for potential positive feedback loops.
>>48437153I got a variant on your Sword of SharpnessThe Perfect Blade - A blade so sharp that it will cut anything with even the lightest amount of force. Requires constant magical levitation, or else it will fall to the center of the earth.
>>48412026Jesters Bane / BoonIt's a ring that has a personality and likes puns. If the pun is good, bonus 2d6 whatever you're rolling, if the pun is ass, 2d6 psychic damage
>>48436877What happens if you put it in a sphere of annihilation?
>Bell of Endless DeathThis bell has inscribed upon its surface:Ring this bell and you will receive 1,000 gold, and someone, somewhere in the world, whom you do not know, will die.When rung by a mortal sentient being, after depositing 1,000 gold nearby, the bell teleports somewhere in the world, to another mortal sentient being whom the previous user does not know.
>>48415425Two for flinching.>>48416355Well whaddya know?>>48420732What happens when a stoppable force meets a movable object?
>>48439423The subtext being that the previous owner dies when the new one rings it, and so on, and so forth, I assume.
>>48439547Nah, it never kills actually anyone, just makes them feel shit about themselves.
>>48412125Well, now I don't have to glue a cat on my 10 foot pole anymore
>>48412478Would the Boots of Dryness work on any form of liquid? And if the magic extends to the boots also you could walk through ankle high lava.
>>48412437I would like to buy your entire stock please
>>48414700You forgot apache helicopter is a gender anon
>>48439926I'll have you know that I sexually identify as an Apache attack helicopter and you just triggered me you aerophobic cisgendered pig fucking kill me
>>48439740Well, theoretically, the convection of heat through the air should still hurt you, but nobody pays any attention to that.
>>48412026Mirror of flatteryObjects in the mirror appear more attractive than they really are.Cursed version: objects in the mirror appear flatter than they really are.
Ring of Degeneration: The wearer is constantly aware of every post on /d/. Anyone attempting to use this to communicate with the wearer finds their internet connection suddenly goes out for up to an hour.
Goggles of laser pointer vision. These don't assist your aim
Wall of Disproportionate Reaction: Impossible to break down with massive force, but light, tiny force will crumble it.
>>48440161Use this to stop catastrophic events, while being easy to take down later.
>>48412026A Bag of Twelve. When ever you open it it only contains a single one square inch piece of paper with the characters "12" inscribed on it.I guess it could be used as a toilet or for garbage disposal, but that's really it.
>>48417895>it isn't magical>it's literally just a bag with rats in it, if you want to reuse it you better go catch them afterwards
>>48412026>Book of Strange SandwichesA book containing stickers of 32 sandwiches that appear strange and have names of unknown origin. When a sticker is removed and placed upon a solid flat surface, the sticker disappears, leaving behind the sandwich it depicted. each sandwich is 1 lb of food, except for the sandwich denoted as the "Mah-cho Nah'cho" which is 3. http://imgur.com/gallery/gX8C5
>>48418240It works to find out if they are a vamp though as it won't indicate either way.Hence stab that mf in the heart.
>>48439423How about this:The Massacre Engine:When first touched, this device becomes active and projects instructions. The person who touched it must kill someone within 1 hour. Once done, the device teleports into the ownership of an unwitting individual. Failing to fulfill the instructions causes the person who activated it to be hit with a soup slay spell. The device then teleports into the ownership of another random individual.Each person killed by the device causes it to grow in power. When it reaches full power, it self-destructs and opens a tear in reality that acts as a major portal into the hell dimension.
>>48441483>soup slayI meant soul slay
>>48412026Adventurers guide to the galaxy.A magical tome that is filled with all the knowledge of time and space; unfortunately the user can only see the entries that they have heard/known prior.Basically a magical diary.
Amulet of blurGives you astigmatism while worn
>>48441502Aw, I thought it was just a morality tester that sprayed you with soup.
>Scepter of SlayingWhen invoked, this Scepter causes a single sentient creature to die immediately, with no saving throw. The Scepter is able to affect creatures regardless of other magics, distance, or abilities--even creatures on other planes, or which are otherwise immune to death magics, cannot escape the Scepter's power. Such a weapon could be truely terrible in the wrong hands, were it not for two fortuitous flaws in its design. First, the Scepter requires a full week to recharge. Second, and more disappointingly to many a would-be deathlord, the Scepter's wielder has no control over which creature dies, and the Scepter itself appears to strike entirely at random.
>>48416361>Use the Pierceless spear on the Unblocking ShieldHey, I've heard of that story! Their properties were the opposite of what is described here, and some merchant tried selling it to some warlord, but is asked what would happen if one were to be used on the other. Nice Chinese story about the origin of the chinese word for contradiction, literally spear-shield.
>>48412397>have local lord get swole af>issue gauntlets to all guards and military under his authority Sounds pretty useful to me.
>>48441899yeah, that's the joke. Because everybody knows that story.Literally everyone
>>48441977and then he dies mid-battle, and suddenly the entire army has the might of the new lord, his 3 year old son
>>48441977It'd be easier to just give something strong (giant, dragon, mountain, Tarrasque) the ceremonial 'lord' title and promote/demote and rename all the others.
>>48415251I feel you anon.
>>48439740lava is already dense enough to walk on. Sinking in it isn't the problem.
>>48441567Good for finding lost items. You had known earlier where they were, you just forgot.