As much as we'd have loved to sit and watch our ex-boss' remains smolder in the hive-light, there wasn't time. The ambush had only taken a short while (only about a dozen or two "rounds" as us professionals call them), but the Secret Police had to have reinforcements on the way, and they probably wouldn't call things off just because their boss was dead. Even more worryingly, the combead Tink had given Bane was completely dead, and we could overhear chatter about SOMETHING leaving the Arbite's HQ at high speed.It was time to get moving and, if possible, avoid dealing with any freakishly powerful secret agent types until we'd at least had time to patch ourselves up. Sarge, with a bit of support from Ivana, led the way back towards their side of the Interchange, where the faithful cargo truck had been stored. As we moved the noncom put in a courtesy call to Sciscitat to let him know Angelica was dead, but didn't get through, so he had Doc leave it with the Surgeon instead (no mention was made of any spooky Liber things though). We were just entering the stairwell when a high pitched whining sound drew our attention up towards the top of the interchange.An Arbite Eagle shuttle, pouring smoke from its engines and weaving a tad drunkenly, shot down out of the sky, caromed off two walls, a support pillar, and a truck full of mattresses in a physically improbable manner, and skidded to a halt in the general vicinity of the maintenance closet. From the far side of the traffic, we heard a distance, surprisingly heartfelt-sounding>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO>*breath*>OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAs the pitch rose and got angrier, Sarge instructed the rest of us to move faster.
o shit its live
I was just about to go to bed, damnit.
Aw yis. Shoggy, lets rock and roll.
>>58286435Yeessssz yesssss dick is hard enough to penetrate terminator armor!
>slow night at work>shoggy postthank papa
OH shit, first time I caught it AS it's starting.
>>58286485aw yiss motherfucker
Hey. You've used mash gifs a few times, so I'm assuming that you are some sort of fan.Well, David Ogden Stiers just died. Just thought I'd let you know.
>>58286515>David Ogden StiersF
>caught one just as it goes liveyee BOI
>>58286435Catched it alive. Praise be!
>>58286515Shit literally happened 2 hours or so ago, damn
>>58286435>And now for the thrilling final conclusion of The Return Of Bane JohnsFair warning guys, this is just a 12ish poster, and it's going to be slow since I'm still struggling to get the last five or so into actual readable shape.I do not recommend this thread as a primary activity tonight unless you've got a blue-ball fetish.
>>58286598Watching The Punisher, not a problem
>>58286598you make my balls so bluewont you make their dreams come true
>>58286598Take your time. We can wait.
>>58286598modding the shit out of fallout 4 on my shitty laptop, go ahead dude take as long as you can
>>58286598Eh, need to sleep anyway, I'll read before work tonight
>>58286515Awww shit, I preferred Burns overall, but Charles Emerson Winchester III had some great moments...
And now the thrilling conclusion.
>>58286598Fuck you shoggy we love any amount of love you are willing to post. For shoggy story time is always best time.
>>58286435So no shit, there we were, standing just across the street from a grief-stricken psychically-superpowered (self-proclaimed) secret agent. A man who'd killed at least two Inquisitors, single-handedly blown up an entire warp-ship, tackled an Ork Freeboota with nothing more than a pocket-knife, and had just spent the last hour shooting up the planet's Arbite HQ FOR FUN. A man who may or may not have been a daemonhost, and was shacked up with quite possibly the most dangerous woman we'd ever met, until she'd been killed. By us. Very, very thoroughly.We decided it was time to start running.The plan was still to kill Bane of course, it was just that we didn't particularly feel like doing it RIGHT NOW. We felt like we deserved a few hours off to grab a bite, get some light medical treatment, and maybe catch a quick nap; the universe felt otherwise. As we piled our way into the stairwell Bane's dramatic moment was cut short by the arrival of a squad of Arbite float-bikes (two of which spontaneously collided mid-air), and a very one-sided gunfight started moving straight towards us. Still though, we could think of a dozen places we'd rather duke it out with Bane than the middle of a packed highway covered with burning sewage (and directly underneath a MASSIVE pile of explosives), so we started sprinting up the stairs anyway. We pushed our way past a few confused emergency services types, including a pair hauling a broken-legged maintenance worker, up to the level that led to the garage where we'd parked. At this point Tink did some quick math, called a halt, and informed the rest of us that it was time to ditch our more unreliable assets before they became a liability.A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
So, after last weeks Grey Knight reference, I got to thinking....>Kaldor Draigo vs BANE JOHNS>Cage Match of the eon
>>58286676Burns was just awful , Charles was a character
>>58286718>A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.beautiful
>>58286515Thread theme for tonight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlkxcC79LA8
>A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
>>58286718Smart. Probably should have tossed the plasma gun too, but I imagine that's a line Tink will never cross.
>>58286718First the consolation bouquets to Angelica and now a Sorry card/grenade pile to Bane. I never knew Twitch was such a charitable soul.
That is some nice timing for the grenades
Nice.Sorry I didn't throw an edited chapter at ya, Shoggy.Slipped my mind.
My money is on the group gets caught between Bane Johns and Traffic Warden Dread before the night is done. Any takers?
>>58286818Yep. It'll be over the shuttle Bane crashed, rather then all the dead fellow Arbites
>>58286818Yeah don't even joke like that.....i got 40$ on that though. Seeing as dread has the same probability powers or being a perpetual.
>>58286435Just want to let you know that I have been hooked on this show for as long as I can remember. You are the absolute best.
>>58286818Oh, that's tough. I'll come down on Dredd surviving at least, dude's too Lawful Angry to die.
>>58286818I thought that was the plan all along
>>58286832Probably. Illegal parking of a stolen Arbites shuttle in a government interhive fast lane has to carry a hefty fine.Throwing this out there because I won't get another chance. I expected Sciscitat to recruit Dread, who woudo then give a critical piece of mission Intel moments before slapping the entire Inquisition team with a fine for Running A Covert Operation Without Filing For A Permit or something.
>>58286435Oh shit it barely started. Oh well, if the pace is slow I'll read it tomorrow, fucking timezones.Anyway, thank you for this shoggy, my magnificent dude!
>>58286896>Bane to the left of me, Dreadd to the right.>Here I am, stuck in the middle with you guys.
Finally caught it live! Love your work Shoggy, you’re an Emperor-given gift to us
>>58286435A live one! After all this time! Fuck yes!Pic unrelated.
>>58286718>and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.upon which his psyker bullshit transformed them into 37 grenade pinshow does he get away? HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT
>>58287008I think thats the plan to kill him. Its all psyker powers, so if he's forced to keep using them, then he will eventually fail a "roll" and earn a Peril of the Warp.
>>58286718The vast majority of the grenades either overshot, undershot, failed to detonate, or somehow bounced out the door past Bane, but judging by the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing sounds, at least one of the flashes must've hit the target. Not that being blinded stopped the man from opening fire, and somehow managing to hit the back of Doc's helmet, a tank of fire suppressant on one of the first responders' backs, and the crippled maintenance guy. Twice. Twitch hastily moved his explosives-filled pack around to his front side, and led the retreat down the foam-filled hallway (until Nubby passed him).Nubby found the exit into the parking garage blocked by even more emergency service guys and a fire-truck. Time being of the essence, rather than ask nicely, the little trooper bellowed at them to make a hole, kicked two in the shins, and left the rest to Ivana and Sarge, who scattered the stragglers like bowling pins. As he passed, Twitch tossed his pack to a particularly nervous looking fireman and instructed him to "RUN, FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPEROR, START RUNNING!" The guy took one look in the bag, started screaming, and did.Our trusty cargo truck wasn't parked far away. Most of us piled in and started swapping gear and doing field repairs, both on our kit and ourselves, as fast as possible. Tink, looking around and taking in the number of explodable vehicles filling the garage, decided that this was just about the second worst place to fight Bane, and got in the driver's seat instead. Those of us in the rear were abruptly thrown to the floor, then the wall, and then the other wall, as Tink attempted to "drift" the six-wheeler down the garage's exit ramps before Bane finished whatever the hell he was doing to those poor fire guys.
>>58287042Yeah but knowing him he's still going to get something positive out of it. Like, he could totally just turn into a Daemon Prince and I wouldn't be surprised at all. At the worst, he'll probably get dragged into the warp, where he can bang Slaaneshi whores all day for millenia.
I'm eagerly awaiting traffic cop of doom
>>58287114If Bane's a daemon host... can a daemon even roll perils of the warp?
>>58287143Daemons and anything with the From Beyond trait can't Perils in DH. Of course, if Bane is likely just being his broken as shit self, so in theory this should work. No telling if his luck effects Bad Stuff tables though...
>>58287048I'm curious, if a parking garrage is #2 what would the #1 worst place to fight Bane be?
>>58287048>judging by the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing soundsEarballs!
>>58287143I figured the "Deamonhost" rumors were just because no one could understand his powers and they just made assumptions
>>58287221Probably where ever they end up fighting him.
I almost feel bad for taking a post but- fuck year Shoggy!
>>58287221Probably the place they just left with the "MASSIVE pile of explosives" directly over it. Bane could easily make a missed shot hit an explosive and cause debris to miraculously kill our our heroes while leaving Bane himself unscathed.
>>58287143They can and are affected. At least in later versions where the psy system isn't a bunch of d10s.
>>58286515Clearly the Atlantis expedition mistook him for a Replicator.
>>58287281OH shit yeah, probably suffer a total geller field failure at somepoint. That is if the OB wasn't trying to kill bane as much as it does everybody else.
>>58287281Nah OB would be a great place to fight Bane. There's tons of dangerous shit Bane would have to burn warp powers on and with all the warp taint on the ship it'd make it much more likely for Bane to have his powers go haywire. Meanwhile our dudes know all the secrets of the ship and would be much more likely to successfully lead Bane on a chase.
>>58287048I love this sequence, so many great things to pick from.>the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing sounds>The guy took one look in the bag, started screaming, and did>Tink drifting
>>58287286That could happen, but based on how his powers work, they've upgraded themselves to Main Antagonists in his eyes, I think. That means they're more likely to end up in a climactic final showdown thing and not just be wiped out in a single boom like most of the mooks he burns through.
I thought it was pretty obvious that Bane was a Daemonhost, though?I mean, his luck aura has always beeen bullshit, but he was pulling blatant supernatural batman bullshit when the Party met him at the Vault, which is way beyond the Super Lucky Agent Bullshit he was pulling off when they last encountered him.Also this is my first time catching All Guardsman Party and I'm super hyped to be involved. Love you Shoggy!
How is Bane Johns handled mechanically? Crits are hits and hits are misses?
>>58287337>which is way beyond the Super Lucky Agent Bullshit he was pulling off when they last encountered him.I think that has more to do with him having a "handler" to direct him in the form of the now very burnt ex boss then being full Daemonhost.
>>58287325If Bane were on the OB I'd be genuinely concerned he'd get tainted or corrupted then you'd have an INSANE vapid secret agent with no sense of right or wrong on your hands.
>>58287374So, Bane Johns
>>58287338misses are hits, hits are crits, and crits are perils of the warp targeted at a selected party member?
>>58287384Worse. Bane as he is now is a party animal who thinks on some level he's in an 80s action/spy flick and the universe just plays along with it. Bane on Chaos would be the above, played by The Joker.
>>58287384Nah, Bane genuinely believes that he is acting for the greater good. He's just dumb, horny, and alcoholic, which makes him easy to manipulate.
>>58287338Not to get sidetracked, but the gist of it is he's shaving numbers of the rolls of anyone near him and adding them to his own. There are limits of course, but that's the core mechanic we twigged to back when we did the first mission with him. I'm sure you can see why we wanted absolutely nothing to do with that.
And with that I have to go be a responsable adult for the rest of the evening. Thanks a million for the story time Shoggy, it's giving me something to look forward to come the dawn.
http://www.youtubemultiplier.com/5a9378480c9f4-all-guardsmen-party-revised.phpreposting from the other day
>>58287442Holy fuck that's a nuts power
>>58287442 that is fucking sadistic. I love it.
>>58287325>Nah OB would be a great place to fight Bane.>there will never be a daemoni-servi-knarlo-titan-lucky-psyker
>>58287442Jesus Christ how did you beat him last time ?
>>58287491They didn't. The survived him.
They beat him via untouchable
>>58287048As we hit street, shedding the last of our explosives (and very nearly Doc) behind us, Tink took a second to congratulate himself on his genius and floored it. He then yelped and attempted to floor it even harder as a burst of static arced along his hands, the radio spontaneously played a 7-note sting, and the frickin firetruck burst through the parking garage's walls four levels above us. Bane, hanging out the door and driving one handed, grinned madly at us as he opened fire.Fortunately his aim was a bit off: instead of pancaking us, the firetruck came down in the opposite lane, smashing directly into an oncoming truck and setting both off in a disproportionately large, purple-tinged fireball. His bullets were a bit wide of the mark too, or at least that's what we thought until two of our tires exploded. Tink swore and tried to maintain control, but only managed to hold for a few seconds before Bane, having somehow been propelled OVER us by the blast, took out both our front tires as well. There were a confusing and bumpy few seconds for those of us in the back as the Techie narrowly managed to avoid sending us over a looming drop all the way to underhive, somehow skewed us between a pair of oncoming busses, and finally plowed our sturdy vehicle through the side of one the buildings lining the road. Having unanimously decided it was time to get off Mr. Tink's wild ride, we disembarked and found ourselves in some sort of warehouse. Twitch hastily inspected the markings on the nearest crates for any warning stickers, didn't notice anything more sinister than "Munitorum-Grade Taco Substitute, Substitute", and declared the warehouse as non-hazardous as we'd get. Sarge gave the order to take up defensive positions.Two minutes of tense waiting later, Tink made a "get on with it" gesture at Sarge, who just glared back. Ivana sighed, rolled her eyes, and announced that "Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now". The skylight above her exploded inwards.
>>58287500How did they survive then ?
>>58287491Both times they "defeated" Bane (as in temporarily captured him) they had the assistance of an untouchable.
>>58287520We chickened out. We were supposed to fight him after he killed the Ork Freeboota and all that, but we were just like "Yeah, no, let's see if he'll just forgive us for the whole 'beating the shit out of him and firing him at an enemy base like a torpedo' thing."The GM grudgingly allowed this, since it sort of fit in character, but I'm sure you can see that he was a tad reluctant to just throw out his lovingly crafted boss mob.
>>58287509He's such a fucking Diva.
>>58287509>"Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now".
>>58287509>Ivana sighed, rolled her eyes, and announced that "Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now".
>>58287509>Having unanimously decided it was time to get off Mr. Tink's wild ride, we disembarked and found ourselves in some sort of warehouseAnyone want to bet this is the secret warehouse that all the bitch interrogator's stuff is in?
>>58287509>Mr. Tink's wild ride
>>58287603But we all know...>>"THE RIDE NEVER ENDS"
>>58287588She's an NPC, it's the DM being evil
>>58287509>Munitorum-Grade Taco Substitute, Substitute
>>58287717It's the PC's being genre savvy and using her to trigger the action. He wasn't going to burst in until someone said something appropriately dramatic.
>>58287683With that restaurant name I had to use it.
>>58287509As Bane landed, we noticed the bastard wasn't quite looking his usual unruffled self. Back when we first came up with the whole distraction plan there'd been a bit of debate over who to sic Bane on. We wound up deciding that, given how much trouble a certain member of theirs had given us, the Arbites owed us a favor, and man did the boys in black deliver. While the bastard was still upright and looked suavely self-confident as ever, he'd collected a dozen minor scrapes and bruises, and from the look of things some (probably deceased) hero of an Arbite had popped him square in the eye with a shock-maul. Even more importantly though, the man was breathing heavily, and as he'd dropped down into the warehouse (without a rope or grav-chute) a distinctly warpy breeze had come with him. Just this once, we took that as a good sign.Upon landing right in front of Sarge and Ivana, Bane launched into this whole spiel about how he didn't know who we were, or what we wanted, but he had a very particular set of skills, and so on... We all just stood there, listening to him monologue like a bunch of idiots, until Twitch abruptly snapped out of it and opened fire. The rest of us immediately shook whatever it was off and followed suit, pouring five lasguns' and one bolter's worth of fire after the man as dodged backwards behind a row of crates. None of the shots hit, of course, but we hadn't really expected them to, at least not yet. That killing part would come later, for now it was all about keeping up the pressure, which is why Sarge and Ivana pushed forwards after him, while the rest of us moved around the flanks to cut him off.
>>58287509>Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now
>>58287281In the turret FULL OF BEES
>>58287840>five lasgunsHopefully the ones Tink already rolled the bad luck out of back at the range.
>>58287840Advancing on him, that's one idea, lets see how it plays out.
>>58287840Wait, is Arbite Dredd dead?
>>58287919>Hopefully the ones Tink already rolled the bad luck out of back at the range.i still dont get how you can un-bad luckify a lasgun>>58287923justice never dies
>>58287919>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXZlbioMoycI was skeptical before the hit.I'm sorry for for ever doubting, you goddamn hero.
>>58287923>>58287936>Wait, is Arbite Dredd dead?It's been pointed out he himself has a power where he can't die unless you observe it
>>58287919I thought he was just working out tricks to minimize the chance of jams and failures?
>>58287936Incense prayers and holy oil massage happy ending for the old grumpy machine spirits?
>>58287936Just keep shooting until you roll two Nat 1's (Or whatever the critfail in the system is) in a row. The odds of getting a third critfail in a row are so astronomically high that they're due nothing but crits for a while. (Yeah, I know that's not how dice work, but superstitious bullshit might be enough to counter Bane's warpy probability magic.)
>>58287944I reckon the best part's the violins (cellos?) that build the tension.
>>58287968>Just keep shooting until you roll two Nat 1's (Or whatever the critfail in the system is) in a row. The odds of getting a third critfail in a row are so astronomically high that they're due nothing but crits for a whilethat'sbullshitbutibelieve.jpg
Can Ivanna DISTRACTION AMAZON him!?
>>58287936>i still dont get how you can un-bad luckify a lasgunYou gather, say, a thousand lasguns.Fire a magazine with each of them. Some will have something go wrong statistically. Throw those out.Now do it with two magazine, three magazines, etc. Each round you discard some guns.In the end you'll get the most reliable group of lasguns.The theory doesn't work with the mechanics unless the GM was kind to the players.But my theory is that since Bane's power involves luck modification, using luck-based logic against it might be effective in an absurd fashion.
>>58287772How in the fuck did they get a few dozen dogs to stand still for a picture?
>>58287968It's not superstition if its been extensively tested and observed by countless TTRPG players for decades.Then it's indisputable fact.Unless, of course, your dice are trying to kill you.And they always are.
>>58288003Glued their feet in place?
>>58288009The first D20 I ever held, I found rattling around the hallway at my high school between classes. It's literally, not figuratively, literally never gone above ten on my death saving throws, and never rolls below a 15 whenever I loan it out. I'm pretty sure I'm getting Smeagoled by a little red piece of plastic.
>>58287995What i'm pretty sure he was doing was just mall-ninjaing/tuning the guns to get the best performance out of them
>>58288146That gives Bane a lot of credit in the intelligence department, whereas whatever his warpiness actually is, got him where he is without an int requirement.
>>58288146What if he found such statistically bad guns by luck probability they actually work better from babes bs aura?
>>58288146Doubt it. Our boys have access to hellguns and better. There's a reason they're only using basic lasguns here.>>58288159That might actually be it. Tink was specifically most interested in the shittiest lasguns around if I remember correctly.
>>58287995>using luck-based logic against it might be effective>in an absurd fashionwe da orkz now
>>58288155Not Bane, Tink (or was it Twitch?) who was minmaxing their guns to deal with Bane>>58288159Honestly I suspect the plan is to do this full guardsmen style and just bury him in so many dice something is bound to hit. Just like TT
>>58288194ah, in that case Tink's best option would have been the 'waste some ammo' method previously mentioned.
>>58288185>Tink was specifically most interested in the shittiest lasguns around if I remember correctly.Not shitty, "the oldest, most used lasguns", i.e. the ones that hadn't broken despite being used for a long time.
>>58288194Or he went with corvus corax method of WALL OF GUNS. Like a literal wall made of guns.
>>58288308As opposed to the Dornite Bridge of Bodies
>>58287840The theory was simple: wear the bastard out. If this stupid "Danger Zone" of his really worked by skewing probability (or "stealing our numbers", as Twitch put it), then we were betting it took a lot more psychic juice to flip a 90-10 than a 50-50. Our goal was to put as much fire on him, as accurately as possible, and do it without leaving any handy options for his bullshit powers to work on. That last bit was where Tink's little secret weapon project came in.At the end of his extensive testing Tink had handed each of us what had to be the oldest, wellest-used lasguns any of us had ever seen. They were completely unmodified, none of them matched, and we had no idea what pattern any of them were. We strongly suspected that they were all older than the Hive we were standing on, maybe even pre-Heresy, but it was hard to be sure since the serial numbers had been worn away ages ago (except for Sarge's, which still faintly read "-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007"). Still, despite all appearances, Tink assured us they were the most reliable weapons on the planet, with only a single minor misfire between them in over two weeks of relentless test-firing. Twitch had immediately claimed the one that HAD misfired, asserting that the rest of ours were just ticking time-bombs, while Ivana had firmly refused to part with her customized Godwyn-De'az Bolter, claiming she'd had it for longer than she remembered. Tink wisely decided not to press her.Of course, these "new" weapons didn't pack the same punch as our hotshots (or the shiny new plasma gun Tink had fired all of eight times before unceremoniously tossing out the truck's window), but the point was: when you pulled the trigger, a laser ALWAYS came out. Combine that with a lack of ricochets for Bane to pull his bullshit with, and it was all we could really ask for. Well, not really, but it was certainly all we were gonna GET.
> "-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007")That was probably one of the first prototype models ever made, back during the age of strifeGod, my sides shoggy, have mercy
>>58288336>-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007Well shit...
He's going with the tried and true Imperial Guard strategy, "That's a cute 2+ Invuln save, now make it fifty more times"
>>58288336For the record, these little aside posts you do when milking the tension for all it's worth is one of my favorite things about your writing style.
>"-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007"I think that not even the Emperor's armor is as venerable or reliable as that thing. Christ, that thing predates geological epochs.
>>58288362>>58288364Guys, wake the fuck up!It's 007!
>000-000-000-000-007So it's the James Bond of lasguns?
>>58288336>(except for Sarge's, which still faintly read "-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007")where the fuck did they even get that
You think a bunch of tech priests would put anything that old in a temple on mars
>>58288336That gun is a relic on par with the sharpest of any primarch's sword.Also if the cogboys find out he has it, sarge is going to get eviscerated
God, is this what gets them in trouble? After everything else they've done, it all fucking pales in comparison to mistreating such an ancient and venerable object
Why do I get a feeling that Sarge's lasgun secretly has an extra 3d10 damage attached to it or something?Because come on. A lasgun can't be that old and still functional without a serious machine spirit inhabiting it.
>>58288435Do you think that gun killed any men of iron?
>>58288499That gun probably ended the war.
>>58288507That gun *started* the war
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlZ4PPTNqLcCelebratory music for the death of Bane Johns, conveniently played by a group of street performers nearby.
>>58288507 >>58288519Why not both? It wouldn't surprise me if that gun fired the first AND last shots of the war.Its machine spirit is probably grumbling about how it misses the good old days and how fucked up everything's gotten.It's perfect for Sarge, is what I'm saying.
>>58288347>mfw shoggy replies to my post>>58288380this>>58288435>>58288499This sounds like the /k/ greentext where the moisin whispers to its new owner, telling him of its past and that he must go west to kill the germans. I would read the story of a blessed lasrifle passed down through the ages.
Do we know what happened to the lasgun of ollanius pius?
>>58288526I feel like you're taunting Murphy, even though this already happened.
tfw Sarge is Pious reborn and his rifle has returned to him at last.>>58288555
>>58288519While humans may not be Da Orkz, their belief still does shape reality.A lasgun this old is probably packing enough psychic oomph from millennia of propaganda and guardsmen keeping their weapons close to decommission a Greater Daemon.
>>58288571Lord Inquisitor Saint Greg?
>>58288553>I would read the story of a blessed lasrifle passed down through the ages.You're giving me story ideas.
>>58288571Pious' soul was destroyed by Horus.
>>58288606Didn't they rewrite him into being a perpetual?
>>58288336Rather than let Sarge and Ivana bum-rush him, Bane came around Doc and Nubby's side of the of the crates in a dive. The man was firing both his fancy little auto-pistols (not the specially inaccurate ones Tink had given him) on full auto, and somehow managed to simultaneously knock out a control line on one of Nubby's augmetic legs and hit Doc in both the shoulder and helmet, all before even hitting the ground. The pair's return fire missed wildly as Nubby's leg spazzed out and sent him plowing into the medic. Tink and Twitch, firing down the row, did considerably better though, forcing Bane into another acrobatic dive, this time "enhanced" by blast of howling wind which sent Doc and Nubby the rest of the way to the ground as he launched over them. Rounding the corner, Sarge and Ivana both took potshots at the magical flying Interrogator, and then sprinted after him as he passed behind a stack of boxes.Sarge was still sprinting when he reached Bane's row, which turned out to be a mistake. The noncom threw himself into a dive, but misjudged his aim and plowed straight into a large shelving unit, catching four autopistol bullets and a small (but surprisingly heavy), crate to the groin in the bargain. Behind him, Ivana rounded the corner a bit more carefully, and stitched a line of bolt-rounds after Bane as he ran UP the same shelving stack. As admittedly cool as this maneuver was, it also took the man up into Tink and Twitch's line of fire, and the universe went slightly runny around the edges as the pair lined up their shots. For a brief second the warehouse was replaced by a screaming SOMETHING, with Bane hovering in the middle of it cackling, then Tink's weapon misfired. Twitch's didn't, and Bane dropped back down off the shelves with a girly little yelp as a lasbolt grazed his the thigh.
>>58288620Doesn't make him any less Chaos-Obliterated
>>58288606Fuckn heretic he's a perpetual they never stay dead.
>>58288620A perpetual still need their soul intact to come back.
>>58288629So, was that four autopistol bullets *and* a crate hitting his groin, or four autopistol bullets him in general and a crate hitting him in the groin?Speaking of which, is there an augmetic dong?
>>58288658Cain has augmetic fingers.Cyberdongs are not out of the question.
>>58288629>and Bane dropped back down off the shelves with a girly little yelp as a lasbolt grazed his the thigh.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNr0WXQ3Ho4
>>58288629....nonononononono demonsetberknarlacdemonnid back for inconceivable revenge!!!!
>>58288658This is Sarge we're talking about. That crate's going to spend a month in the hospital and then start writing the man love letters.
>>58288629>the universe went slightly runny around the edges as the pair lined up their shots. For a brief second the warehouse was replaced by a screaming SOMETHING, with Bane hovering in the middle of it cackling, then Tink's weapon misfired. Twitch's didn't, and Bane dropped back down off the shelves with a girly little yelp as a lasbolt grazed his the thigh.That's either really good or the baddest anythings ever been.
>>58288705>beefy noncom strength
>>58288767Stupid sexy Sarge
>>58288705all guardsmen come equipped with standardized Balls of Steel, sarge, as a non-com, comes with balls of ceramite
>>58288658Bullets: 2 body, 1 arm, 1 legCrate: groin(Crate was a straight -1 fatigue, and if you've been watching closely, you'll note Sarge already went into criticals on chest and took fatigue BEFORE this started, his decision to go and try tanking again was somewhat suspect)
>>58288810>sarge is near death
>>58288810That's not good
>>58289119That's what they say when they're about to throw us between the enemy and them.
>>58289169They never said who the Emperor is protecting.
>>58289188I didn't say I wasn't gonna do it, Commissar.Just a pattern I've noticed.
>>58288596You can have multiple characters carry the rifle, and all explain its properties in different ways. An early guardsman that sees it as a his "lucky seven" in a world before the emperor was seen as a god, an admech that sees it as an especially benevolent machine spirit, an inquisitorial agent that sees it as the blessing of the emperor himself, etc.
Well at least something good's happening today.
>>58289228Do not worry, anon.You are among friends.
>>58288308I have a present for you, pic related
What if we made a cube of guns.Is like wall, but covers ALL sides.
>>58289251Even the inside?
>>58289251 Got you covered, senpai.
>>58289278Of course.Cube is a solid, yes?Fill insides with guns too.
>>58289219Hmm.Start out issued to a trooper in the golden age, end up in the hands of refugees during the early age of strife, later on have it used by a proto-PDF against an Astartes invasion, end up in the imperial army during the crusade, fighting CSM during the heresy...>ends up in the hands of a guardsman in M42, Guilliman notices and goes "hey wait a sec I know that rifle"
>>58289251AVE NEX ALEASALUTO NEX ALEAAVE NEX ALEA
>>58289251>>58289290AVE CUBUM NECIS
>>58289296And *that*'s how Sarge became Saint Inquisitor Greg
>>58289290Saluto Nex Alea brother.
>>58289290>>58289304>>58289317Good to see other /k/ cross posters.
>>58288192Twitch was right all along. Everything is orkz.
Come back Shoggy we need updates!
>>58289348I've heard of lore where apparently an Imperium ship either manages to leave the galaxy, or receive signals from outside the galaxy.And all they heard was Orks.... Not the slightest clue if it's true, unfortunately.
>>58288629If this is what you meant by blue-balls shoggy, as in, not telling us you're leaving, you're a fucking ass
>>58289418Don't bully the shog.
>>58289399You feel that...? Those are the blue balls he warned us about.
>>58289418Even if he had to ditch, which I doubt, he owes us nothing, and we owe him a hell of a lot for all this writing.
>>58289418> being this butt blasted
>>58289453That's true but it doesn't affect my point!
>>58289453In Cards against Humanity, that's a joke. On the Occurance Border, that's not even noteworthy among the tribespeople.
>>58289348>That Scene in the Gambling Tournament Chase/clusterfuck where Tink realizes maybe it was they who were the Orkz all alongAll that’s left now is to embrace it.
>>58289502I mean Twitch, Fuck.
>>58289418Shoggy did say the last few were a clusterfuck and would need extra time to proof
Shoggy's writing.Trust me, I'm a doctor.
>>58289211> that imagehere is the improved versionhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=15&v=m3p_VuPIS2c
>>58288629Bane didn't hit the ground, not because he'd started flying again, but because Ivana caught him by the front of the tux and pinned him upside-down against the wall. The big woman grinned ear to ear as she shoved her bolter into his chest and pulled the trigger, only to pause and stare down in confusion as nothing happened. Even half-blinded with pain, Sarge could see what was coming next, and tried to shout a warning as, apparently forgetting years of guard training, she pulled the trigger again. The blast as first one bolt round, then the other, and then the entire rest of the magazine went off blew Ivana backwards through the opposite wall of crates, while somehow leaving Bane standing upright, wiping burning specks of propellant off his lapels. We didn't leave the smug bastard time gloat. Sarge rolled the rest the way to his feet and opened fire, only to swear as the warehouse was filled with daemonic whispers and HIS weapon jammed too. Operating on an only slightly better instinct than Ivana had been, the noncom hucked his ancient, supposedly unjamable, jammed weapon at Bane's face. He missed, of course, and Doc came around the corner just in time to catch four kilos of rapidly spinning metal to the nose. Fortunately, it didn't go off, and Bane was too busy laughing to even register Sarge's fist before it hit himin the gut.Nubby, lagging considerably behind Doc, paused at the spot where Ivana had come to a rest, and since the medic was busy, promoted himself to Doctor Nubbs. He decided that, in his professional opinion, the patient needed thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon. You know, to take the edge off.
>>58289658>Sarge fist fighting Bane>Ivana on combat stimmsOH BOY HERE WE GO
>>58289658Hope this doesn't end like Cutter's last stand.
>>58289658>Nubby, lagging considerably behind Doc, paused at the spot where Ivana had come to a rest, and since the medic was busy, promoted himself to Doctor Nubbs. He decided that, in his professional opinion, the patient needed thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon. You know, to take the edge off.THIS IS ONE OF THE SCARIEST THINGS I'VE READ ALL NIGHTI'm so scared for Sarge right now holy shit
>>58289658Dr Nubby is best doctor
..... wasn't custer's last stand being a small-ish group of united states cavalry being ambushed by a swarm of Native Americans or something? I mean, even in that sense Custer was objectively the bad guy in that moment so shouldn't we be hoping it does go that way since of the two groups the AGP are more like the native americans rather than the USA troops there?
>>58289747Cutter, not Custer.
>>58289712https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfaa0SjczikReplace Blue with Cutter
>>58289754yeah, misread the name.
>>58289747>>58289754>>58289760We don't want that either, no. So, Slaaneshi or Tzeentchean for Bane Johns's "patron"?
>>58289658>thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon. You absolute fucking madman.I approve. Emperor bless you Shoggy, glad to have you back.
>>58289785I've got ten thrones on Tzeentch.That or he's not actually a demonhost and everyone just assumed it.
>>58289658>maybe just a little Frenzonoh good, the stuff they pump fucking Eversor assassins full of.
>>58289785Just going to bring up that given the mention of "our defense council" have me operating under the assumption they all, save perhaps Ivana who I've sorta got written off as expendable in my head, somehow survive this. 'course I may be proven wrong shortly.
>>58289658>thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon. You know, to take the edge off.Ah, yes, the oshitpleasekillitnow special
>>58289785Dunno. Slaanesh would approve of the copious amounts of hedonism, but probability manipulation is totally in Tzeentch's wheelhouse.
>>58289845>>58289785Remember that planet the AGP went to under command of The Rupert? there's no reason it can't be both. which is not helping.
>>58289845>>58289785It's not like Tzeentch and Slaanesh are diametrically opposed. They could both be in his corner.
>>58289785That's a stupid question its obviously... uh... Huh. Whats the name of that stupid laughing elf god, again?
>>58289658PURGE HIM PURGE THE WITCH
>>58289872Ceogorach. Who would enjoy the comedy that is Bane John's life.
>>58289894I'm sure he's enjoying the Guardsmen's life as well. This is his dream crossover event. Whoever wins... he laughs.
>>58289658>thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon.When in doubt, go Full Cutter.
>>58289658OH NO!Oh yes!
>>58289658>paused at the spot where Ivana had come to a rest>Doctor Nubbs>the patient needed thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon>You know, to take the edge off'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GO 'ERE WE GOis it bad that i think an amazon ripping and tearing is kinda hot?
>>58289844>thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon. You know, to take the edge off.Bone-hurting juice. Limited to other people's bones.
>>58289983.... Yeah, I dropped the ball there.
>>58288185>>58288248Most resilient and independent machine spirits. He's looking for machines with enough of a soul to resist.
>>58290030Tink will become an honorary tech priest yet. Well, provided he lives that long.
>>58290018When we're all this excited it's understandable.
>>58289314He IS the most Sargent sergeant to ever sergeant.
>>58289995You are among friends, anon
>>58289658>the patient needed thirty something-somethings of Slaught cut with Stimm, and maybe just a little Frenzon1 serving of cutter's cocktail, coming right the fuck up!
>(except for Sarge's, which still faintly read "-rge of Mars, SN: 000-000-000-000-007")........ I think Sarge's gun is the Sarge of Mars.
the dream is for this to still be here in the morning
>>58290249The cut off word is probably Forge.
How much more does Shoggy have to go before we finally bring The AGP to a finish?
>>58290250It'll be in archive sites.
>>58290249Pretty sure its "Forge" of Mars.
>>58290270This is second to last chapter.This one and one more.
>>58290268>>58290272Autism has become an epidemic.
>>58290272>>58290287I thought it was the purge of mars.
>>58290272Eh, I'll be honest, this and If the Emperor Had a Text to Speech Device (and it's podcast sub series) are the sum of my exposure to Warhammer 40k.... which I feel like I should get around to fixing.
>>58290270>>58290282please say it isn't so Shoggy
>>58290287Not a very good one, then.
Finally fucking made it to one!
>>58290282Then the board has that long to live. I'm waiting until Shoggy finishes then I'm letting everything loose to make the board more miserable than it already is. Maybe finally drive people off and give the board a few years of being a complete shithole before we start over fresh.
>>58290030These lasguns are strong independent lasguns that don't need no techpriest.
>>58290303Eh don't worry, at the current rate that's still over a damn year.
>>58290414>at least another year of AGP
>>58290312As if one anon could shitpost that muchIt took an entire Russian Troll Farm to ruin /pol/
>>58290426>Implying /pol/ was ever not ruined
>>58290441Wasnt /pol/ a containment board formed from the flaming wreckage of an actual news board?
>>58289658Twitch and Tink entered the row to find Sarge in the middle of what might be described as a Kung-Fu battle. One that Sarge, despite being stronger, faster, and undoubtedly meaner, was definitely losing. Tink, confident in his ability to fire into melee, announced it was time to even the odds, and shot Sarge in the arm. Twitch suggested he not try that again and started moving closer.Sarge, who was starting to really feel the broken ribs and blood loss, and was getting really tired of the little voice that kept promising him untold power in exchange for a small price, decided that enough was enough. As the bastard wound up for another of his stupidly effective chop-things, the noncom rushed into the blow and pulled his combat knife. He was very surprised when halfway through his attack everything went wobbly and suddenly the knife wasn't in his hand anymore. Sarge paused, perplexed, and tried to figure out where it had gone. It wasn't in his right hand, where it was supposed to be, and his left hand appeared to be missing entirely, which seemed a vaguely worrying. He directed his gaze downward, and was relieved to find the missing blade was merely lodged in his chest, he hadn't lost it after all. Secure in the knowledge that the Commissar wouldn't be angry at him for misplacing his wargear, the noncom decided it was time to sit down and take a quick nap. As he nodded off, he vaguely wondered if all the blood around him was his, and if he would be yelled at for making a mess.On both sides of the row, Doc, Twitch, and Tink watched as Sarge staggered backwards and collapsed, and a rain of blood started falling from the warehouse's roof. All three of them looked up into the storm, then back down to where Bane was standing over Sarge, and opened fire.
>>58290481They say that actual newsboard was the containment board for an actual political discussion board, all the way back to the dawn of Moot
>>58286598>I do not recommend this thread as a primary activity tonight unless you've got a blue-ball fetish.>while delivering more AGPhave you forgotten who you're writing to Shoggy?
>>58290488SARGESARGE NODON'T GO TO SLEEP SARGEDON'T FUCKING DIE ON MEGET UPGET UP
>>58290488> On both sides of the row, Doc, Twitch, and Tink watched as Sarge staggered backwards and collapsed, and a rain of blood started falling from the warehouse's roof.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*breath*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>58290492Isn't /tg/ just containment for 40k memes?
>>58290563/tg/ is the equivalent of sailing to America to start a new life except instead of Europe you're leaving a swath of furry-related destruction behind you. That's how it started anyway.
>>58290563It was, yes.A lot of the boards were containment for various things. /vp/ was containment for pokemon, /m/ for mecha, /mlp/ and /trash/... well, I'm sure you know.
>>58290488A true guardsman.
>>58290426I've got three words for you: Stat Me General
>>58290488Sarge? SARGE! SAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!
>>58290488>and was getting really tired of the little voice that kept promising him untold power in exchange for a small priceWas it Khorne?
>>58290531Spooky Poker Room:"I don't remember how good the Jack is, but I know those four Ones must be pretty good."HEROES NEVER DIE.
>>58290488Say it ain't so Shoggy. How loudly was your GM cackling during this?
QUIT YOUR LOLLYGAGGING SARGE!
>>58290488AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>>58290563you weren't on /b/ in 2007, were you?
Ah, say it ain't so. Doc can fix an emergency ward's worth of damage on a single man, right?
>>58290488Sarge you do NOT deserve to die to this fuckwit!The Deamonids would have been a good death.The Necrons and Chaos Marines are both good deaths.This James Bond Motherfucker is not a worthy death!That said, it looks like Bane is starting to crack. KILL HIM!
>>58286912>before slapping the entire Inquisition team with a fine for Running A Covert Operation Without Filing For A Permit or something.Fucking kek
>>58290488Does this mean that Captain Nubby is finally going to become reality?
>>58290685Not if Doc and Twitch have anything to say about it.
>>58290685No. Even if Sarge does croak the rest of the team won't let that happen. But Sarge ain't gonna Croak that easily.
>>58290685>sarge dead>nubby loots rosette when nobody is looking>inquisitor nubby>mfw
>>58290629I 4channed ages ago. Then I left for quite some time. Then I came back for OC on /tg/ from the likes of 2D and Shoggy, and the odd decent /qst/, despite the fact that I'm sick and tired of clicking on storefronts and buses.
>>58290740I'm barely on this site and I'm already there with you.Makes me realize why you fucks post so slowly.
>>58290728The inquisition would later hear tell of Inquisitor Nubby's massive and rather heretical stash of artifacts. They requisition an entire marines chapter to hunt him down...only to find out A) The artifacts were just various valubles looted from a hive world and B) The entire room has been booby trapped by a paraniod loon with waaay to many explosives.
>>58290728>>58290764>the rest of the party would take the Rosette from Nubby at the first available opportunity.
>>58290740/b/ used to be pretty big on 40k memes
>>58287953When did that happen?
>>58290488i am literally not going to be able to sleep because im so sadthis is why you never get attached to things, it just makes you sad when they're gone
>>58290488Emperor Bless You Sarge, I hope you don't die, you made the Emperor proud as his hammer. You're a damn good hammer, and I know the Emperor Protects. It's gonna be okay right? It has to be!
>>58290754Honestly I came back partly because of Gamergate. Not that I'm saying it pure as the driven snow, because it wasn't at all, but it made me remember and realize the value of the concept of being Anon on the Internet, before Facebook, Tumblr, all the rest of the Internet cancer. And I'll be fucked if popular media is going to claim all "gamers" are evil racist, sexist twats. Playing tabletop games doesn't make me responsible for homophobic 14-year-olds playing Halo.We used to lead two lives, and social media fucked it all up and made everyone a special snowflake to the world.
>>58290793I had a hammer once, cracked the head and had to replace the head, then the handle cracked and I had to replace the hammer, but its still my hammer.
>>58290792He ain't dead yet. It took a self-destructing heretek and an orbital bombardment to take Cutter out. No way Sarge goes out for good without a much bigger bang.
>>58290819All I'm reading here is give Sarge some Prosthetics.
>>58290819I'm pretty sure that hammer belongs to Theseus now.
>>58290764Which can steal harder: Nubby, or the Blood Ravens?
>>58290837Nubby, despite comparative lack of manpower.
Dammit! I need to get to sleep, just please don't have Sarge be dead!
>>58290814Come on man. Leave that shit at the door. It's a Shoggy thread.
>>58290858Sarge is gonna be fine, he just needs a few augs
>>58290488I swear to god if this ends on a cliffhanger on whether sarge lives or dies...
>>58290878Do not give him ideas.
>>58290868Point taken. I'm drunk and nostalgic.
>>58290837Depends on if you're stealing relics, or everything from the furniture to the nails holding the furniture to the floor.Despite the memes, Blood Ravens are actually quite choosy about what they steal. Otherwise you'd find a lot more weird and esoteric items in thier arsenal. Sure you'd find Custodes weapons and Blood Angels armor, but you'd also find jewelry, playing cards, totally legitimate unstolen art, furniture, automotive parts that don't match any Space Marine Vehicle, and of course ALL THE DRUGS!
>>58290837>>58290848I forgot to throw Trazyn into the mix, fuck>>58290878>>58290882he's probably gonna do it
>>58290904>he's probably gonna do itDoubt it. Shoggy usually posts soon after the end of a thread to let us know it's over. He doesn't seem like *that* much of a sadist to leave us hanging here.
Thanks for the story
>>58290914Yeah man, Shoggy's too chill for that shenanigans. There's a reason we like him so much.
>>58290914Not only that, he usually hangs around for questions for at least half an hour.
>>58290904to be honest Bane might be related to that entire unified chaos cult planet the AGP broke up with The Rupert and Alfred.
>>58286435Woo! Thank God for Shoggy!
>>58290980Yeah, you're going to regret that enthusiasm.
>>58290980Ah, happiness. The first step on the path to soul-tearing anguish.
>>58290980I'm going to enjoy what this episode does to you
Ok, that’s it. Considering that this is the inly time I actually caught a live Shoggy AGP, I’m going back to checking suptg for the chapter
>>58290995>>58290999>>58291011There's a difference between enjoying a story and appreciating what happens to the characters.
>>58291011You sick fuck. You chose Rabbid Luigi over Sniper Luigi?
>>58290563>Isn't /tg/ just containment for 40k memes?And to get /btg/ the fuck off of /m/
>>58290980Grab a cold one friend.
>>58286515Literally who butFEveryone deserves to be remembered
>>58291052>he didn't run both luigis
>>58291087Go watch MASH, it's on at least twice a day in North America.
>>58290488>>58290980 here! Sarge, don't die!!!
>>58290728Reminds me of this unfinished writefaggotry of Nubby that was made a while back...https://pastebin.com/zyT0tPtt
So if sarge bites the bullet here, who takes operational command?
>>58291161Probable Doc, being the sanest, most reliable guy on the team
>>58291161>>58291172And probably the next ranking non com
>>58291161Twitch, probably. He's the best planner. The only other candidate is Doc, who's too busy being a doc to do any leading.
>>58291161probably Roidragetoo spooky for them to do anything but cower in her RIP AND TEAR-ing wake.
Finally caught up. Damn, the suspense is killing me!
>>58291156What did I just read
>>58290764>roomNah. Try entire planet.If he got access to Naval munitions, probably the entire system!
>>58291161It's been previously established with almost certainty that he lives, so useless speculation.What we're really waiting for is what the amazon herself does with all those drugs.Given the apparent habits of Shoggy's ST, I'm guessing that she either kills Bane, or 90% kills him and then the team does the rest.
>>58290488Things got very warpy, very fast. Whether it was the blood rain, and it's notorious effect on psykers, or just that Bane was finally running on empty, the man's powers seemed to go completely haywire as our barrage hit him. It started with a hive-quake knocking boxes off the stacks around us, followed by a psychic blast launching Bane into the air like a cannon, and then the nagging little whispers at the edge of consciousness abruptly growing into a full on assault. Tink dropped the ground, clutching at his head, but Doc and Twitch kept firing as Bane floated back down and bolts of warp energy started to arc around him, narrowly missing Sarge's prone form. Inside all the lightning, we could faintly hear Bane somehow simultaneously screaming, laughing, and arguing with someone about "how things work". Around him, tears in reality started forming, with indistinct hands and tentacles clawing at their edges. Twitch cursed his lack of explosives, tossed a vial of holy water at Bane (who didn't appear to notice), and yelled at the rest of us to keep shooting. Not that we needed telling. All of us, including a now-upright Tink and Nubby, poured as much fire as we could into the increasingly eldritch figure, and despite the age and piddliness of our guns, it had a noticeable effect. Chunks of the man started burning off, whether from us or his own powers we couldn't say, but whatever he was turning into didn't seem to be able to regenerate. Yet.As we kept firing and hoping for the best, there was a shout from behind Doc Ivana ran up gripping Sarge's lasgun. None of were quite sure what she was trying to do as she began advancing while hip firing (she was already in effective range), but whatever it was it sure as shit backfired. As she reached the ragged skeletal figure that was all that as left of Bane, the man's schizophrenic shouting was replaced by *something*, and a blast of bluish energy launched the woman across the room to land in a sizzling heap.
>>582912062 characters in 1 session? that's just unfair
>>58291206Ding dong the witch is dead?
>>58291224now to hurry the fuck up and get Sarge some medical attention
>>58291224Warlock, the Witch was at the beginning of the thread
>>58291216Ivana isn't a party member, she's a crazy lady who basically forced her way into the party and nobody wanted to object for fear of being suplexed/shot/whatever.
>>58291216Ivana's expendable, Sarge is not. count's closer to 1.5.
>>58291206>Twitch cursed his lack of explosives, tossed a vial of holy water at Bane
>>58291156>>58291191You read some unfinished writefaggotry of Nubby. I wonder if the person that wrote that is gonna finish it...
>This is still up when I wake up, despite me living on the opposite side of Earth.Mere words cannot express my joy.
>>58291252..... then again going by that standard Doc, Twitch and Nubbs also count as non expendable. Tink.... well I want to say the same about him but he's got the same player as Heavy and Cutter.
When are we going to see the nurglite and khornate conspiracy agents, now we’ve had Tzeentch and Slaanesh?
>>58291297Nurglites are pestilence and disease worshipers right? .... Should we be looking out for any inquisition members who might be related to Nubby but aren't guardsmen?
>>58291206please not ivanka too
>>58291367No one's dead until Doc says they are... and even then they might surprise us. Doc's not exactly a certified medical professional you know.
>>58291269But Tink has so much to live for! Spot 3.0Retrieving his techno-heretical plasma monstrositySuccessfully hitting on Hannah...
Shoggy, while you are still posting i just wanna let you know how much this means to me.I have been through a rough patch resently and it's going to be rough for a while after that (long story short, i am looking after my mother who is recovering from surgery to her leg) Thank you for brightening up my days with this both now and last week while we were both still waiting for the aforementioned surgery while also shitting our pants over the doctor spotting a "spot" in her lung (it was luckily nothing, but being a cancer survivor she took it pretty hard).Anyways, thanks for posting, you are making my day, keep at it and stay strong Shoggy.
>>58291475Last I checked he tossed the heretek plasma gun, and I think he's hit on Hannah enough times as it is. It's really only Spot that matters at this point.Granted, Spot is the best, so that's definitely something worth keeping Tink alive for.
>>58291475>Successfully hitting on Hannah...Forgetting about Earth-caste girl already. For shame.
>finally make it to an AGP live
>>58291206When the flash of light faded, we found ourselves looking at pretty much the same thing, and not a four-story axe-wielding daemon, thank the Emperor. We were pretty sure the blueish veins covering what was left of his body were new though, same with the steadily growing horns and the feathery black wings. We responded to the sudden appearance of an actual, by all things unholy, DAEMONHOST, with the calm professionalism of true Inquisition agents and kept firing. Because honestly, what the hell else were we supposed it do? Run? FROM THAT? We knew a "die tired" situation when we saw one. And anyway even with his little upgrade Bane still wasn't looking that healthy, for all we knew it'd only be a few more shots before he keeled over. Right?Well, actually the thing's next move certainly seemed in line with our assessment: instead of descending on us in a storm of daemonic fury, it waved a hand in the air and the warp rifts around us suddenly solidified. A creature that looked like a horrible amalgamation of twenty different creatures clawed out of the one nearest Tink and Twitch, while Bane himself started floating upwards to the largest rift the warehouse. Twitch and Tink immediately shifted their fire and began falling back, while Nubby and Doc kept dutifully kept on Bane, right until the arrival of a second interdimensional horror from a portal on their side of the row.The hard decision of where to focus our fire, and whether to desperately try and kill Bane before we were clawed to death by his minions was a tricky one, especially without Sarge there to make it. Fortunately, before we dithered ourselves to death, the problem was simplified for us. Ivana, stained head to toe in blood (whether her's or the warpy stuff we couldn't tell) came screaming out from back of the warehouse and hit the slowly rising figure with a flying tackle, yanking Bane down away from the growing portal.
>>58291507Aaaaah good point. Maybe he can switch her out for Fio?
>>58291491Thanks, and sorry I can't really reply while I'm in full panic mode like this. I do go back and read all the stuff you guys post, even if it's sometimes only on the archive. Man I should plan my shit better.
>>58291557It's cool shoggy, it's cool.
>>58291475my concern's more with the player's dice than anything else. Granted, Cutter went out like a badass but still, only player who lost a character, side from Nubby's player who took over Crisp for that chaos union planet run If I'm remembering right.Sometimes, the Dice just want a character dead and there's not much to stop it, side from fudging rolls and GM intervention.
>>58291571Heavy died pretty early as well. So far we've had three guardsman bite it over the years.
>>58291557Don't sweat the details, OP. If there's anything the AGP have taught us, it's that plans can and will go hilariously wrong no matter what. That's just how it is.
>>58291557All good man. Take care of yourself and stay awesome.
>>58291532Alright Ivana. Looking good.Also, Bane a pawn of Tzeentch confirmed? That minion amalgamation sounds like the work of that dick if ever I saw it.
>>58291557No worries dude, you're doing fine
>>58291591I've actually wondered if Heavy's death was planned. Not to knock the player, but that particular character seemed like it would've been kinda boring to play over a long campaign. I wonder if the player and DM planned it so they could introduce a more interesting character.
>>58291591I put down A instead of Two, whoops.
>>58291620Almost certainly. Tzeentch's demons are fairly consistently bird-themed after all.
>>58291627given how Character Gen was through Darwinism it's kinda hard to knock the player anyways.
>>58291627kinda liked Heavy's character to be honest, felt a lot more grounded than some of the other wackier characters which kinda made him relatable in my opinion
>>58291475>Successfully hitting on Hannah...Hannah x Jim 5ever <3
>>58291662it's kinda hard to dislike the stalwart heavy weapons guy.
>>58291557>Man I should plan my shit better.motto of the agp desuhonestly
Alright, sadly it's gotten far too late and I won't be able to stick around to the end.Just don't kill off anybody important while I'm gone, yeah?Except Bane, fucker needs death ASAP
>>58291557Damn it nubby...i mean shoggy give me my sides back!
looks like Shoggy's done for the night.
Okay, so I guess that's confirmation that Bane was not, in fact, a Daemonhost.Was being the important word there.I'm kind of curious why the Party never seems to have tried to upgrade from Carapace Armor to something even tougher. I imagine Tink at least would've been interested in makeshift power armor at some point.
>>58291532As we shifted our fire down to focus on our respective ravenous tentacular things, the blood-covered woman above us wrapped her legs around Bane's waist, grabbed one of his freshly-grown wings, and just tore it off. This got the thing's attention, to say the least; it responded by howling and clawing at her face and sides with sets steadily growing talons. She just ignored this and grabbed the other wing. The sound as it came off was… memorable. Even the creatures paused to turn an watch as the pair, trailing a rain of feathers and variously colored blood, sank away from the portal and Bane's daemonic screeching reached a new frenzied pitch. Ivana, now missing nearly as many chunks as Bane, shifted her grip to his skull, and with a triumphant scream of "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD" popped the whole thing (newly formed horns and all) like an overripe melon. There was a brief pause, in which we could faintly hear an echoing "as planned", and then the warehouse once again exploded in blue light. When it faded Bane and his creatures weren't there anymore. Neither was Ivana. As Doc sprinted over to start treatment on Sarge, Twitch turned to Tink and Nubby, and asked if they'd just seen that. The techie thought for a second, and then firmly stated that he definitely hadn't seen any Inquisitorial agents declare their loyalty to Khorne before subsequently vanishing into the warp without a trace, and suggested they never speak of such silliness again. Nubby nodded as well, and discretely kicked some empty chem ampules under a nearby shelving unit. Further discussion on the subject was interrupted by a booming voice instructing all occupants to drop their weapons, lie on the floor, and surrender by order of the Adeptus Arbites and the Emperor's Most Holy Inquisition.
HOLY FUCK THE JUDGE IS A FUCKING INQUISITOR
>>58291921Spoke too soon.If I am counting right, one more post to come
>>58291954Oh, well, now we're just the regular variety of fucked.
>>58291954At the very least, Ivana is straightforward.
>>58291986who doesnt like getting fucked regularly
>>58291954>Blood for the blood godWell, I guess that isn't too surprising
>>58291989They're used to it
So was Ivana a cultist from the very start of this whole shitshow of a stealth mission, or...?
>>58291954>"as planned"Just how long have Tzeentch been pulling the stringes?
>>58292023Uhh, it's tzeentch
>>58291954>surrender by order of the Adeptus Arbites and the Emperor's Most Holy InquisitionPerfect
From tzeentchs perspective about ten minutes i would say
>>58291954>The cop is hereincredible
>>58292023I don't think even tzeench can properly just as planned the agp. He just takes credit for anything happening.
>>58292022Yeah, so you know the part where she stopped taking her meds and got steadily crazier? Turns out that's one of those warning sign whatsits they talk about in the handbook...In all seriousness though, no. I think she saw a chance to get what she wanted and took it. Now whether the DM planned for this to happen from the start, that's probably a whole nother story.
>>58291954Ahhhhhh, so THIS is how it all leads into the trial. Question for you Shoggy, were you expecting to have the campaign end one way or another after this particular mission?
>>58291954>Further discussion on the subject was interrupted by a booming voice instructing all occupants to drop their weapons, lie on the floor, and surrender by order of the Adeptus Arbites and the Emperor's Most Holy Inquisition.you were wrong Shoggy, you've just made my entire night
>>58292059>Yeah, so you know the part where she stopped taking her meds and got steadily crazier?sounds like almost every girl i know honestly
>>58292345I hope not, I just want to know if Sarge lives or not.
>>58291954We weren't exactly surprised to see the Traffic Arbite walk through the door, it just sort of fit the way the day was going, and we took some joy in the fact that some unknown individual had shot him a few dozen times. The two hundred or so men and assorted vehicles he had with him, which had apparently been waiting just outside the warehouse for a good portion of our battle, were just icing on the cake. The real surprise was the man who walked in alongside the Arbite. Of all the things we'd expected, Inquisitor Sciscitat personally hauling his chubby butt down to the battlefield to rescue our sorry asses certainly wasn't one of them. And, as it turned out, we were right not to expect it. Instead of telling his new Arbite buddies that we were all friends here, and asking them to help patch us up and secure the site, Sciscitat's first order was to get us all in cuffs. (Even Sarge, though he at least assigned a pair of Arbite medicaes to continue Doc's work, that the Emperor for that at least.) The man was practically giggling as he explained that no, we certainly weren't members of HIS team, and suggested that the Arbites should run Sarge's rosettes (both of them) against their databases. His response when the one turned up as completely invalid and the other identified us "Rogue Inquisition Agent, 'Interrogator' Greg Sargent, and Associates"... well smug doesn't even begin to cover it.The last thing we heard as we were walked out to the waiting APC (or stretchered in Sarge's case), was the damn bastard snickering to himself as he "advised" the Arbites to ship us directly back to the Inquisitorial Sector Headquarters. Where, as he put it, they were sure to give us a fair and speedy trial.Well, he was half right…
>>58292381Of course it was the fucking traffic cop
>>58292381I really hope that fucker gets his by the end of this.
>>58292381SARGE IS ALIIIIIIIIVE
>>58292381I just hope Sciscitat gets some comeuppanse in the end.
>>58292381Okay, that last post sucked, but it's fucking 3am. I'm done here. I'll probably redo it as part of the fuckhueg lore dump coming up before the next mission, it can be its own little intermission thing.Sorry that took so long, probably should have delayed another day, but whatever. We made it. THE "STEALTH" MISSION IS FINALLY OVERI assume the thread will be well an dead by the time I wake up, so sorry about not replying to stuff, and thanks for sticking with me on this shit.I'm going to take a week or so off from this stuff to do another little AAR thing, then I'll aim to get the post-mission interlude thing in the next month-ish. After that, I guess I'll have to figure out where the chapter splits will be, cuase this'll be another big one.Night folks.
>>58292381I hope Sciscitat gets what's coming to him.
>>58292381.... f-fair and slow then?
>>58292441Good night Shoggy and thanks for another great thread.
>>58292441i got the biggest and bluest balls this side of the segmentum but this was blast but not a literal blast because my balls didnt do the blasting
>>58292441sweet dreams of secure perimeters Shoggythanks for your hard work
>>58292450He is mistreating Oak's best sledgehammer so i think the minimum will be a stern talk
>>58292486This is expecting that Oak is still alive and Sciscitat didn't just use Oaks boys to further his own goals.>Inb4 Sciscitatis part of the cabal and he just used the guardsmen to take care of another cabal so he could get the heretical stuff and send the inquisition away from his scentThe guy is a data wizard after all.
>>58292486>>58292546now you've got me doubting of all the other interrogators except Rupert
>>58292579>yfw it turns out to have been rupert all alongshoggy please no
>>58292579Let's see what we got here.>Interrogator "locked in the brig for the entire investigation" Somebody, Possibly alive and well, was probably captured since start>Inquisitor Sciscitat, alive and well (unfortunately) loyalty unknown>The bitch, Super dead>Rupert, likely alive and well, last seen commanding a planet worth of guardsmen as Inquisitor general in a war against green skins>Bane Johns, possiblygetting his shit kicked in by a Khornate champion in the warp>Inquisitor (retired) Weebu, likely alive and well, not very likely going to help the teamThat's about it as far as i can recall them.
>>58292625you forgot interrogator AFK from when they were teachers
>>58292608I mean, Jeeves/Batman sounds more plausible
>>58292690Well you cant really blame me now can you?
>>58290488GET UP SARGE HOLY SHIT GET UP NOOOOW
>>58292051Agp is his personal pet project. For and against them.
>>58292441I love you