Admiral sir.... I aem..... I accidentally turned off the gellar fields.
>>66941215No, you didn't! You turned off the whole movie!
>>66941446If you're very, VERY lucky
>>66941215I must check the infirmary
>>66941215That explains why your collar its outside of your gorget.
>>66941215Why the damn is there a guardsman on my bridge?
>>66941705he's just informed you why
>>66941215Fortunately the auto-safety protocol the explorated installed was engaged and it automatically turned back on.This is why guardsmen aren't allowed outside their transport containers, now back in your box or you won't get your kibble.
>>66943434But... if that is the case why are you growing horns Admiral?
>>66943446Because I really want to fuck you
>>66943446Damnit, how the hell did you get into my stash of hallucinogens! Those are approved only for nobility you scum!
>>66943434Oh? Then how do you explain the daemons of Nurgle right over there?
>>66941215Excellent joke Willoughsby, you almost had me for a second but everyone knows that passengers don't have access to the gellar chamber or the bridge.
>>66941215>Sir, your officer's provisions have arri...
>>66943499That's not a demon of Nurgle, that's my wife!
>>66943499... They might be a bit obese, but those are members of the ecclesiarchy. You are /dismissed/, guardsman. ... Wait, you lot were picked up on some ass-end backwater, how do you know the name nur-ohfucksomeonegetthecommisiarialattacheto thebridgenow!
>>66943553Well your wife's right an ugly one I say.>>66943554Oh no you don't! I can turn this around on you too admiral! How do YOU know the name of Nurgle? You obviously just identified it with a Chaos God, so you can't pass it off as being a random word I just said.
>>66943602>Oh no you don't! I can turn this around on you too admiral! How do YOU know the name of Nurgle?>AdmiralBecause he’s higher on the chain of command than you.
>>66943615So you're telling me that high ranking navy officers know the names of the Chaos Gods? But they aren't Inquisition members...?
>>66943641Any sufficiently high-ranking member knows of chaos forces, and how to identify them into the four big groups. That is usually the extent of their knowledge, but that is what they need to fight efficiently. Commissars know it too, and they are way below an admiral (80% of the time)Maybe planetary governors are an exception, because they don't have to fight these forces usually.
>>66943641*whips out rosette*I bet you didn't expect that
>>66943661Well, I, uh, as you can see by my face, am just a lowly guardsman and ... I heard someone else say it, the Chaos God name. I really didn't know what it meant before hand so I think I will just go elsewhere now. Bye.
>>66941465man fuck you i was eating
>>66943662Indeed I did not.*also whips out rosette*There was never even a Gellar Field on this ship. You have some explaining to do.
>>66943553I could see this being in universe standup comedy, if such a thing existed.
>>66944512Hard to say who the audience would be. Can't be your average guardsman because the Inquisition would kill them for knowing too much. Can't be Tau, they don't do humor.Would be eldar but they aren't making fun of the lesser races. Necrons?
>>66941215Damnit, not again.
>>66943865IT WAS I WHO INSTALLED THE GELLAR FIELD GENERATOR*Whips out Cog Mechanicus* I JUST WANTED TO FEEL INCLUDED.
>>66941215I'd execute you for that but the deamon that's about to pop out if the helmsman's ass is probably going to do it for me.
>>66941215Good... i always wanted to see new primary colours
>>66946913THANK THE EMPRAH, I NEVER EXPECTED A MECHANICUS GUY TO JUST BECOME THE GELLAR FIELD GENERATOR.Looking at him though might have been a good choice I swear otherwise this guy would long have fallen to Khorn.
>>66947623WATCH OUT, THERE IS A DEAMON CHEWING ON THE CIRCUTRY!Oh wait. thats just the admirals cat. Nevermind then. No deamons here.
>>66941465>>66943081Fuck... these, I like these posts
>>66941215I dont feel so good sarge
>>66950896It's fine, walk it off.
>>66941215its time for punishment
>>66941215YOU FOOL YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL
>>66951181walking made it worse sarge
>>66941215YOU WHAT!! ALL HANDS BRAC-----
>>66943547Put them on the counter, mind the fire.
>>66941215No problem, Ensign. Everyone makes mistaA̝̱̝͖̞̹ͣ͂͌ͫͪ͜A̦̦A͙̋̿̊̿̿͌Á̓ͤ̓̈́͆͟A͎͓͍̰͌̇A͚̫ͮAͦͪ̋ͦ̃̇Ã̸A͖̟̜̜ͧͅA̶̤͓̼̰ͧ̈͋̎ͮ̋ͣ̿͡Ą̛͎̬̹̟̰̣̫̮̮̃̎̐̀A͕͙̘͒ͧ̿̇A̱̬͉̻̘͈̻͓ͮ͂̂̂H̡̨̱͇͍̠̖͉̬͗̄̓̋̋ͭͧ̚H͇̱̱̭ͭͬ̿ͧ͡H̸͉̥̒̓̈́̆̽ͧ͟Ĥ͖̬̺̊̔͢͞H̝͔ͨͮ̆͌ͨͭͅḪ̰͛̐ͯ̈́͜H̭̪̤̓̌H̨̘̣̝̜̞͙̹͖̗̠͐͊ͬ̆͐͛ͣ͋͘͢H̵̡̭̟͈̻̗̣̬̹͈̹͚̫̽ͭ̄ͮ̿ͦͧ̋ͪ͌ͬͧ̾Ḫ̴̝̤̻̹̻̦̹̩̣̽ͮ̑́͗ͫ͂̓̏̃͐͛̽̓͒̈͜H̛̥͕̹̳͈̜͍̰͖̜̼̳̮̫̝̯̯̃́̍̓ͤ́͌͌̏́͝͞͡͠Ḥ̵̭̫̻̻̐̔̏̾̀ͨ̾̓̄̕͢͟Ḫ̵̖̳͐͊̑ͪ͘Ĥ̷̢̡̢̱̠̹͙ͪ̌͐̈́̄͢H̢̛͖̭̗̹̗̳̜̺̦̘͍͚̜̜̟͑͌́͛̃̂ͧ͑͂̐ͨ́̀̇̒ͩ͌́Ḣ̴̷͈̪̪̼͖ͤͬ͋̂̌̈́ͯͧͧ̽̆ͬ͛̽̊̕̕͜H̷̞̗̟̫̙̽̿̇ͯ̓ͨ͋̕H̡͇̬͔̼͉͔͉̙̥̠̗͔̺͕ͯ͛̿͂ͯ̊ͬͤͯ̉͋̄̇ͨ͋̋͋̕͞H̩̮̙͙̎̍ͣ̆͌͊ͨͨ̕̕͜͠͞H̨͙̭̩̣̰̼̰̟̪̮̯̬̃ͬ̑ͮ͘͠H̸̳̭̭̠͔̩̙̠̯͉̞̙ͫ̉ͤ̏͒̔́̃͊ͬ́͟H̷̸̢̢̼̰̮͎͔̱̼̺̺̼̩̰͍̻͉̖̱̻̘͕̙̯̬̰̹͂̄͋ͤ̄ͩͧͫͨ̉̆̈̀̑ͧ͗̿̊ͣ̌̄͂̒ͯ̏ͧ̆̏́͂̍̆͆́́͜ͅͅ
>>66947674What a nice looking cat.
Oh hey guys, what's going on in he-OH MY AAAAGH
>>66941215You're delusional, gellar fields can't be turned off. What does the psychic unit meter say?
>>669530363.6 warptgen, Admiral. But that's as high as the instruments w-
>>66946740Traitors who follow non-Death Guard legions
>>66950553I challenge you to a danceathon, you win, you take me soul, I win, you defend it against your kin.
>>66952819Me after a night out with the lads haha.
>>66953359Well it's not great, but it's not horrifying. I have to tell the Inquisition about this, do you realize?
>>66943446this isn't "yes, and". the scenario you presented didn't occur.
Damn, imagine if the authors had the same middle school sense of humor as this thread. Didn't think it was possible for 40k writing to get any worse, but there it is.
>>66951987You seem fine. Care to pick up a few more las rifles? I'll see if we can't get you re-registered as a squad all by yourself.
>>66953941I dunno man, twitchy stop motion like motions always freak me out
>>66941215"I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over my sudden new EVERYTHING."
>>66941664That's how Kettenhunde wear their gorgets, it's not armour and I doubt the OP image is meant to be a Naval Armsman.
>>66941664>that time chaos messes with an ocd captain by just making minor changes to their ship >like switching the salt and pepper shakers’ places on the tables>everyone’s uniform collars are popped>the inside of the captain’s coat now has TWO spare buttons
>>66953775"I think I saw daemonflesh on the corridor outside."
>>66954341You didn't see daemonflesh.... YOU DIDN'T! BECAUSE. IT'S. NOT. THERE.
>>66953938Twas all but a clever ruse. Ive actually been an inquisitor and I was the one who turned off the gellar field to test the crews faith! You should have executed me on the first sign of mutation! Prepare for blaming
>>66953036>>66953359>>66953775>>66954403>routine field safety test they said.
>>66941215WHAT THE HELL IS GOING O-
>>66943446He's delusional, take him to the infirmary.>>669434993.6 nurglings, not great not terrible.
>>66947593Ork comedy involves kicking a Gretchin, then laugh and fight who didnt laugh.If anything they have mostly slapstick.
>>66954341I have to correct you there, the corridor IS daemonflesh.
>>66946740>Can't be your average guardsman because the Inquisition would kill them for knowing too much.depends on the circumstances, maybe a comedy set for a siege regiment facing chaos? so they'd be in the know by this point and have the down time needed to put it on.
>>66946740Canon is all over the place. Demons and Chaos is common knowledge in some works and then verboten in others.It's been 10,000 years after a huge demon-civil war, 13 black crusades, and gods know how many incursions. I think the secret's out of the fucking bag, guv
>>66941476Well then turn it back on, I can't see anything!
>>66956561No it's not that's just the new paint work. I told you it was wet
>>66941465GODS FUCKING DAMN IT. LOST!
>>66941465You are a gem anon
>>66946740>Would be eldar but they aren't making fun of the lesser races.the dark eldar would though. i could totally see this being dark eldar comedy skits about the mon'keigh
>>66941215No, you didn'tEverything is fine, you are delusional. Take this man to the infirmary!
>gee midshipman, thanks for showing me to the warp transept, do you really think we might get to see an astropath today?
>>66941215that explains a lot
>>66941215AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY BONES
>>66950896The living quarter is slightly contaminated, I have seen worse
That explains what happened to the astropath and navigator. I think I'll stay off the command deck for a while
>>66941465Minimalist humour. Very good.
>>66956508>Ork comedy involves kicking a Gretchin, then laugh and fight who didnt laugh.Also, whoever laughed.
>>66941465This is funniest fucking post I've ever seen on /tg/
You know I feel like this is time that could be spent turning them back on...
>>66952390fuck me died twice
>>66960268There's a big fat great unclean one blocking the way though.
>>66941215>“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHICH ONE?” >“WHY ARE THERE SIX?” >“WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD INSTALL A DAMAGED GELLAR FIELD GENERATOR?” >”WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD INSTALL SIX DAMAGED GELLAR FIELD GENERATORS?” >”NO, THERE IS NOT A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAMAGED AND REFURBISHED!” >“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS IN THE TECHNICAL BRIEFING? WHAT BRIEFING FOR WHO?” >"WHERE'S NUBBY? I'llKILLSTRANGLEMURDERTHATLITTLEBASTARD GOODDEALI'LLSHOWHIMAGOODDEAL!"
Im fortifyng this position. Hans, pass me the barbed wire
>>66952597Is it the Wife's?
>>66941465Best post in thread
>>66955972It's 15000 GUOs actually.
>>66961201At least we know it works
>>66946740T'au do humor what are you talking about?At least, they would banter with and mock each other in the Farsight novel.
>>66959176Who gave the Catachan Carapace Armour?
>>66941465Why are you so funny, anon?
>>66954234The item in question is actually a refractor field generator.
>>66941215"oh shit, this fucker has gellar pox. BURN EVERYTHING!"
>>66944430Seems like the Teksaan regiment knows the standard procedure.
>>66964116What about the Daemonettes using the railings for pole dances? I'm not cleaning that shit again.
>>66964527But railings are horizontal, how do they...
>>66965209They've ripped railings out and set them up as stripper poles. It's created a huge falling hazard on most of the walkways.
Put me in the screencap
>>66941465I don't get it
>>66965510The daft lieutenant approaches the admiral to inform him that, due to his gross negligence, he had accidentally shut off the Gellar field. The Admiral, in reponse, bluntly states that he is already aware of this fact. Humour is derrived from the fact that the Gellar Field traditionally prevents the fictional "Warp", known for causing random and violent variations in space-time, random mutations, and rife with daemonic entities, from affecting the crew. However, the Admiral's face is shown to have been hideously mutated in a rather silly manner, giving comical credence to his statement.
>>66941215Normally I'd have you executed for treason, but I think I'll just let the daemons murder-fuck your tender asshole.
>>66941215We...don't have one? Wait, where did we recruit you again?
>>66941465Someone cap this shit.
>>66941465Actually made me laugh like a retard.
>>66961471Yes, Krieger #143342523 was a worthy price to pay to find out the conditions of the equipment.
>>66969024Add >>66943081 and you're good.
>>66941465It's getting worse admirplplplplplplplplplpl.
>>66960698kek, that's great
>>66953775>but it's not horrifying. >I have to tell the Inquisition about this,Pick one, you can't have both.
>>66969262HE'S NOT LYING
I feel weird, Sarge.
So what's it like being a Blank in this situation?
Oh boy im glad we're in here and not out there
>>66972848imagine being the one sober guy at bachelor's party
>>66972848Imagine everyone screaming about a fire blazing over there in the corner but you don't see anything there and when you go over there nothing happens to you so then you leave the room but then turn around to see all your friends morph into screaming charred husks with no visible cause.
See, sisters? It's easy to get Mon-Keigh to do what you want. All you have to do is show a bit of tit and they'll do anything for you.
>>66973482Shit like this is why Slaanesh is a thing you fucking boner ballerinas.
>>66973637To be fair, we didn't intend for things to get all... warpy... we were bored, you see.
>>66972848 Basically >>66960222
>>66941215I have no idea what any of you are complaining about so I'm going back to bed.
>>66969040We've dug our defensive trench sir. Shall we hold and com the rest of the crew or will we do a search/rescue party?
>>66977548...You dug a trench on a spaceship?
>>66941215Everyone remain calm, there's no need to panic!
>>66977567The warp acts in strange ways sir, we've made do with what we had. Shall we com the rest of the crew then or go in search of survivours?
>>66960692>Hans, pass me the barbed wire>>66952819Never mind. The barbed wire was inside us all along
>>66954176anon the gellar fields where turned off not a visit from the night lords
>>66941215Well just go turn them back on. We all make mistakes, captain. For example, I accidentally a whole coke bottle once. There was also this time I gave some complete fucking moron the comfiest, easiest command I could think of, because he was literally retarded, but somehow managed to work his way up to Commander.
>>66960367Now that's just rude.
>>66960367Have you considered asking him nicely to move aside?
Alright, lads. Draw straws for sewer duty. Them Nurglings ain't gonna purge themselves.
>>66941465First time I actually laughed at a wojak edit
>>66956788What about average guardsmen fighting chaos 24/7 of their life?
>>66965362Thats not it as you can see.
>>66979625W-what do you mean? WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!
>>66979675HOW YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!? WHY YOU ARE ASKING ME?!
>>66941465My keks are all over the floor
>>66979724DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME! I JUST SAW BILLY-BOB GET MELTED BY A PLAUGEWALKER WHEN HE TRIED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
>>66977567THE MACHINE SPIRIT IS RATHER CONFUSED IN HOW YOU'VE DUG 1.75 METERS INTO A 0.522 METER DECK.>>66978022SUCH STRANGE BIONICS YOU KRIEGERS USE
>>66941215>>66941465Now in audio!https://instaud.io/3Sbt
>>66980932With all due respect Tech Priest, but, unlike others, the only augment us Kriegers need is our standard issued shovel.
>>66981063Thankis you kind sir.
>>66941465/tg/ is truly the bestest of boards
>>66946740>Hard to say who the audience would be. Can't be your average guardsman because the Inquisition would kill them for knowing too much.I mean there is now a giant 400 billion light year long wound in reality in which the tortured souls of billions scream in unending horror and pain at all times So it's likely that somewhere out there this exists
>>66972848You suddenly have friends
>>66983069Only with the relevant stuff.
>>66976354Do I just read too much into things, or is her purity seal popping off a euphemism for his kick breaking her hymen?
>>66983778It's a euphemism for a metal foot scraping a wax seal off of metal armorAlso a way to represent motion, direction, and impact
>>66961652Well I figured if they were tough without it, then they'd be even tougher with it. I also gave him all the stimulants our platoon is allowed.
>>66985472Sir! I fixed the Gellar Field!
>>66985968Admiral sir, it seems it was a good idea to get the 361. Australia division on board at our last stop
>>66985968Thanks, Tzee.... Emperor!
>>66986737But Australia historically lost the emu war. Also is there a (Not) Australia deathworld in 40k?
Look, the Raven Guard have come to save us.
>>66991200But they weren't on the passenger manifest...
>>66991688Don't worry; they even have a librarian͚̟̼̩̼ͬ̋̍̈́ͣ̑ ̴͉͇͕̔̍ͣ ͚̗̥̭͎̫̖̽̊͘Ȍ͕̌̌H̰̘̣̟ͭ ̛̠̉͐͆̊͐̈́̚Š̘̼̭̻̹̀̓̃͌̌ͅH̪̻̘̘ͅI̱̘̗̯̝̎ͯ͗͆͊͘Ṭ͕̈̿͐͂̈ ̮͔̒̆ ̍̉̊ͯ̑͞Ṕ̴̷̢̦̼͈̝͔̭̪̮͐̓̇͆ͮͣh̛̥̙͙̳̝̜͙͇ͤͮͤ͂ͮͩͯ'̨͍̳͓̻͚ͫ͂ͣ̍͜ñ͉̺ͣͪͅg̪͓̗̒̎̏̇̾ͫ̕l̢̞͈͇͇̎̈͂͡u͎͙̞̭̮̜̥̜͒i̗̮̩̺͎̦̾͂͊ ̬̺͈͚̩ͣ̏̒ͬͤ̑m̸̢̡͓̼̰͋ͧ͐g̥̳̠̼̦̔͂̀̂̋̓̾̇͊́͡l̸̼̄̓ͭͭ͘͜ẘ͈̞̫̙̙̝̝̈́'̷̨̛͉̳̭̥̜̄̓ͭ̽ͯn̸̡͉͙͍͚͖͌ͮ͢å͍̤̺̬͋ͬ͜f̞̙͔̫̰̥̦ͤ͠h̳̺̹̩͆̽̍͂̒ͪ̀ ̵̦̪̽̓̄͝C̤̥̠̪̑̽̄͌̂ͪǫ̶̣̗ͤ̀̾́ȓ͍͕ͫ̑͛͟͠͝ą̵̛̻ͭx̞̰̰͆͢ ̴̴̞̱̄̉̀͒̂̚O̧̡̟̘͙̪̼ͧ͐̆̈c̨̨͚͕̰̖̬̙͖͇͙͐̾̽̿̒̌cͣͬ͋ͧ̈́͐͠ủ̵̻̳̹̰͈͆̐ͮ̃̔͢ḽ̵̡̈́̔͜i̴͖̤͔̜͕̻̰̩̻͒͐ͫ́̕ ̡̳̘̻̯̖̙̯͚ͭ͘w̷̡͓̗̓ͬͪ̐̒̆͂͞g̵̯̎ͤ́̊͝a͈̪̟̭̯ͣͫͫͧ̆͆ͭ̌h̠̻̀̀'̡̧̳͖̫͇͖̟̹̱ͧ͊̃n̴̪ͩ̆̃ͨ̃̐̉͛̚͢ǎ̸̛̖̜̞̗̱̣̱͋̽̌͛̿ͣ̒͢g̢̥̖̹̞̥̘̊̐ͮͩͨ̉ḷ̛̬͉̱̪̾ͩ͘ ̷̩̮̺̬̯̂̐ͧͧ̽͆͗͞f̞̝͓̭̝̱̳̏͠h̴̢̺̤̠͐̒̂ṭ͙̩̯̹͓̳̪ͩ͛ͤ̎̽̀̇̉́a̟̥͒̔ͦ͐ͮͦ́͜ģ̫̼̬͍ͯͧ̀͛ͬn̯̫͚͓ͪͤ̔ͨ͗̾̀̕͢ ̩͚̜̠ͦ͋̈͐̀̀
>>66954236I laughed more than at the log
>>66993749Hans, get the stubber. The heavy stubber. Right lads, will give 20 minutes if we dont hear anything from the techies we will have to go and find a solution. Any volunteers?
>>66943499It's rude to talk about the Navigator when she is navigating.
Chaos is dumb since not even Tzeentch would have a ship lose it's Gellar field and have NOTHING happen for days or weeks while they are in the warp and just have people murdering each other in anticipation.Infact, Daemons boarding the ship probably keeps morale up
>>66978884Looks like we found a volunteer!
>>66994287By the ancient laws of "Not It" someone else must go
>>66994287Great! Get him kitted with a rebreather, soap, and a can of spray deodorant.
>>66941215Since we are having this conversation right now, I very much doubt that. Furthermore, one does not simply "turn off the gellar field" during transition in the warp. It's not a on-off switch, you know, there are powerful safeguards in place.
>>66994337You understand the creative stupidity of groundpounders.
>>66994287>>66994300At least its not as bad as Vraks
>>66941215> I accidentally the Gellar Fields>> You accidentally what?> The Gellar Fields
>>66954236> Random items are now askew> 1 Red pen is in the blue pen box> Sentences are complete but no dot at their end> And I think the worst part is when the guy comments at the end but greentexts it Can you imagine such a faggot
>>66960465>>66959701>>66982823>>66993749Quick, tell me, before we die, Source???
>>66996263Cabin in the woods, faggot.
>>66941215I think a fault this egregious deserves a demotion to Third Technician.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4gXaq0fmzk
>>66941664>>66941705Since based on the metal banana hanging from his neck he appears to be the current duty officer
>>66941465This post makes me giggle like an idiot every single time I see it.
>>66943081Who says /tg/ is dead, all we need is more posts like these.
>>66941215Hello fellow guardsmen, is everything all right?
>>66941215>>66941465>>66943081Put me in the screen cap
>>66941215Really Dude?>N I C E
>>66941215Day 4: The Gellar Field is still off. I don't even think the ship is a ship anymore. It seems to be a daemon-whale and the gellar field generator has transformed into a spleen. Not even sure how I am writing this as my hands popped off and ran away an hour ago.
>Be me>Krieger soldier #143342523>Some dumbass turned off the gellar fields while warp traveling>Its been a week since that (dont know if in real space time or warp time)>Weve managed to dig a series of trenches in the cargo bay>The techpriests are baffled on how weve dug a 1,75 m deep trench in a 0,55 m hull>Siege warfare, I aint got to explain shit>A party is formed to search for the control room and, if possible, a living astropath>Theres suicide missions, theres krieg missions, theres suicide krieg missions, and them theres our mission>I knew we should have stayed on planet digging trenches
>>66996263Google Roboutian Heresy Raven guard.
>>66941215Not now lieutenant. My penis has grown 3 feet and whispers grand smut into my mind.
>>66961557Anyone got a sauce on this?
>>66999115I'm now imagining a group of three Kreigers wandering the ship like the Three Stooges.
>>66999115I love the idea that the trenches weren't warp fuckery, but Krieger genius.
>>67000533You are not worthy if you don't know her.
erm Sir, this is our ships arsenal now...
>>67001960Motherfucker what do you think I'm trying to do?