>ITT we get away from the general fags ripping out throats over a game they dont' like >be me>tempestus scions (trainee)>have a group project>all are from assnorum>none of them talks>one is shrieking autistically>do the group project myself>failThe faggots from the assassinorum are weird
Good night anons am heading to bed
Someone stole my extra large bra from my locker and left one that’s two cups too small for me :(
>>73781135Suddenly, an Ork Rok smashed through the ceiling. What few unfortunates who were able to survive the cataclysmic impact were rapidly hacked to death by hordes of greenskins as they poured out of the asteroid fortress.
4th for sister gertrude a cute
Abbots are hotter than any Sisters
>>73781201Sorry sister, we needed an extra hammock.
>>73781208Sister, please stop leaving your Pics movies on in the common room, not everyone is fan of the Ork murder channel
>>73781256Now I will have to requisition a new pair from the munitorum ;_;
I got to play in a Schola Progenium DH game once.Jake, if you're reading this I want you to know that no DH game since has lived up to the bar you set.
Is this a 40k thread?
Ork murder channels are for the brainlets prove me wrong
>>73781281Rest assured sister, you'r undergarments are being used properly and are well appreciated. Also after the Blood Raven "giftings" we are short on supplies and guardsmen tend to appropriate things that aren't nailed down. Please keep your belongings somewhere secret.
>>73781370It was in my locker!
>>73781419Ah yes, you see lockers aren't a secret place.I recommend that you put in a safe, then in the locker and put the lockers in a vault. Terribly sorry sister, but once the supply problem is alleviated such misconducts would stop.
>>73781522>The 1st (and only) Cadian Panty Raiders
>>73781522That's pretty fucking brazen to raid her locker and wave her panties in her face like that. Make it even more awkward by taking a big sniff right in front of her.
Alright guardsmen that is enough! Give back the panties and the bra to sister Gertrude or else I'll have you dig out latrines in no mans land!The Commissar and sister Gertrude are actually bffs and likes to play Regicide together since they two of them are also bookworms
>>73781339We don't have to prove you wrong
>>73781630We only use such acquired items pragmatically.
>>73781727Affirmative.Ceasing supply acquisition from the Sisters.
>>73781924Take your time, Guardsman. The view is nice.
>>73781924>>73781959A match made in Big E's corner of the warp.
Remember girls. If I find out you have broken any of your vows, I will be administering power spankings in my office.
>>73781924Guardsman, here's a section of one of the tarpaulins the Baneblades came in as a substitute hammock. It's surprisingly good canvas, though not as soft as a nice 10^nXL bra. We'll be getting our next supply drop in about a week, you'll have to make do until then. I need my soldiers at least moderately rested to shoot straight, after all.If I hear of this nonsense happening again, anyone participating will be assigned as mattresses themselves to others without beds.
>>73782190The Enginseers would throw a fit if we took that, mam. Plus we wash the garments before we return them.
What the shit, this thread is autistically dumb and full of bad jokes but even then, it's STILL a shitload more fun to read than /40kg/ or... Shit, any other thread I've seen all day.You guys are great.
Uhh guys, anyone seen my Heriophants anywhere, the angry man with the skull mask said he need them for "space reasons" like two days ago, an now there's a lot of screaming coming from the hives.
>>73782205Hmm. There's also the fact that this is a warm world with no permanent ice, which means that of course the ever-wise and infallible Munitorum sent us a box of thick winter coats. You may use them as bedding, since nobody else has even looked at them since they arrived. Failing THAT, there's some straw in the barn next door.
>>73781959I need a priest.
Will Mama5 make an appearance for the Sisters here?
Hey, you, yes you sister, do you want some candy? You like candy, right? I've got lots of candy in my strike cruiser, just come on board...
>>73782321Ravens took all of those too mam.
>>73782406The emperor told me not to get into ships with strange men.
>>73784306He doesn't look that strange, does he?
>>73782406I don't like candies, but if you have beer, pizza and burgers I'm in.
>>73785015Do heretical Sisters even exist?
>>73781135Why are these thots so thirsty
>>73785279That sounds really nice and lewd that they turned into heretics in all honesty, at least their more honest have more of a reason to be mad.
Can I get uhhh, boneless grox burger
Ok girls, it's time for our annual "rate the Primarchs" meeting! Everyone file in!Now I know that Sanguinius is a popular pick for the #1 spot and his been for 50 cycles now, and while I can understand the reasoning for him being such a hot item, I'm of the opinion that our Lord Commander Guilliman is vastly underrated and should be bumped up in the rankings this year! Not only is he smart, level-headed, an administrative genius, he's also quite handsome and, from what I've heard, deft with his tongue in more ways than one.
>>73785753Yes, but Rogal Dorn is unfathomably loyal and steadfast. He will never give you up or let you down. While he is a crusader, he will never desert you despite his running around.
>>73785753Give me Corax, I love the dark boys. Not so dark to turn heretical, but if Perturbo stayed loyal good boy, he'd get my vote. Maybe we could vote which of the heretics we wish would stay loyal?
>>73782406>>73785279Sup gay knights
>>73785753>>73785790I've been saying for years that Vulkan should be higher in the list
>>73785880Pertaburo is more of a renegade then a true-blue heretic, despite finding himself in the arms of chaos. Wish he'd come back to the Emperor and accept his punishment.
>>73785753Too bad Guilliman is taken, that kicks him down a notch in my book
>>73785753W-well, no disrespect to the Lord Commander, Sanguinius, or any of the Primarchs, but I think The Lion should be at the top this year. He's dreamy, chivalrous, mysterious, and introverted, but in a way that tells you that he's a deep thinker and not in a creepy Konrad-Curzey way. If I could run my fingers through his hair and beard, I would do so for the next 10 millennia.
>>73786076Selfish. Gulliman can't belong to just one person, the Emperor is here for all of us to worship and his sons should be appreciated too.
>>73786097Admit it Gertrude, you only like him because it’s rumored that he once said he liked “ladies with a fair and heavy bosom”
>>73786133It isn't a rumor, it was a fake commercial spot Goth Milk, made by a despicable rogue trader to boost demand for dairy products from his agroworld. Nobody likes ladies with heavy anything, unless it's a heavy bolter.
>>73786206Hey, ladies with heavy bosoms are very nice, sister, stop being jealous you flat-chested hag.
>>73782365The original OP that made the concept was Mama5's author so I'm guessing if he's gonna join maybe his twitter uploaded the pics before posting here
>>73785790Ugh, but Dorn is kinda, idk, too dense don't you think? It'd be more interesting watching paint dry that attempting to have a conversation with him.>>73785880Corax would look better if he got more son. That man is too pale for my taste. >>73785987Vulkan is...how do i put this...too nice. Not that being nice is bad, but he's nice to the point that nothing seems to really get him angry, stir up that fire in a man that we all love to see. If that makes sense.>>73786076Excuse me sister, but spreading lies and slander about our Lord Commander will have you subjected to the power-paddle. Roboute Guilliman is SINGLE and shall remain single until further notice. >>73786097Of course Gertrude would pick the introverted nerd of the Primarchs. Not that The Lion isn't great and all, but come on sister, could you be more predictable with your taste in Primarchs?
>>73787089Canoness you realize none will ever touch you so why bother?
>>73787138I can fantasize Agnes! Shut your trap before I subject your backside to the power-paddle until it's Blood Angels red!
Hey everyone, reporting that nothing bad happened at all on at my watch. Expect for a 'governor' getting exploded-ed.
>>73787403FEWLS!!!! That was just my decoy's decoyKilling the Governor's decoy's decoy is a capital offense, I WILL find out who is responsible.........
>Audio log twenty-one of Ranger Omathia of Iyanden, date uncertain. I have located the primary Sisterhood convent, and have commenced observation for tactical assessment. The Sisters stationed here seem to be a dysfunctional group, constantly bickering and fighting amongst themselves over petty slights and other such juvenile matters. Their estimated combat readiness and performance is low at current and though there is little doubt they would be able to improve given time and knowledge, their overall seemingly poor competency (one Sister Sleepitus in particular) will hinder them further. The lone soldier of Krieg currently in the process of surrounding the convent with trenches, barbed wire, sandbags, mines and pillboxes may even provide more defence than the Sisters themselves. Furthermore, there seems to significant internal consternation concerning the loss of a large shipment of Baneblade main battle tanks and two Officio Assassinorum assets, and significant attention is being paid to an unidentified piece of internal media featuring one of the Sisters. I shall attempt to infiltrate the convent and secure a copy of this media for examination for any pertinent information in addition to a thorough investigation of the facility under the guise of a Sisterhood soldier. The Guardsmen of the nearby 6th Estavian appear to have collected a significant amount of Sisterhood clothing that will be of assistance for the operation.
>>73787244Uhhh......Mam, your power-paddle is still with the other stuff that the Blood Ravens stoleI think Sister Sleepitus was on sentry duty, or maybe it was Sister Stupidus
>>73787493I'm bout to take my nap so not my problem, for now.
>>73787606Again why do we let Sleepitus do sentry duty?
not sure if anyone cares but this is the anon that makes mama5 story threads, it'll be open about 3pm PST if anyone wants to kow
>>73785753Lemans Russ for me. Rugged good looks, flowing blonde hair, in touch with masculinity enough to actually know what a woman is, and of course that barbarian attitude is just right without steeping into psycho territory like Angron.
>>73781135I knew canoness Sara back in the schola. She was pretty much the same, actually. She didn't have her own powerpaddle at the time, so she just used her hands.
when I was in the schola we had to kill for our foods, youth these days
>>73787493I have on good authority they hide on a space station is totally not rigged to blow with holy explosive ordinance
>>73787606Dammit! Ugh, I guess I'll have to do this the old fashioned way than. Sister Farah! Fetch me a power fist from the reliquary! >>73787618She's not much good for anything else, and most people just run off when they see a fully armored Battle Sister guarding the door even if she's actually sleeping standing up. That said, I'm going to have a talk with the prioress because this is the 3rd time this has happened. >>73787722Ooo, I can definitely see where you're coming from there sister. Just thinking about the Wolf of Fenris pinning me down is making the internal coolant on my power armor overheat. >>73787779Indeed I did. I was famed for reaching the quarter-finals of Ultima Segmentum's slapping championships back in the schola so you sluts better know your place.
Why are y'all pretending to be Nazis?
When I was in the schola anyone remember how creepy assassins were?
>>73787830Just be glad you never had to meet our drill abbess. Only lady I've ever seen put Canoness Sara ass up.>>73787900Sara please I'm a canoness too, don't call me a slut in front of the recruits
>>73787900Shut up Sara you’re a whore and nothing else the other canonesses know how sad you are
Air drop of supplies and entertainment items from the 828th Mad Grox Squadron for the Sisters. The boys are big fans, the box that's vibrating and covered in hearts is for a Sister...Gertrude on behalf of the Squadron Commander. He said something about her being his favorite Sister from the Schola.
>>73788024I’m pretty sure Gertrude paid the squadron commander to make him say that
>>73787961Oh please, most of them are grown ass woman who've heard worse from their drill abbots already. Their purity isn't being ruined by a couple no-no words.Also we agreed that we don't talk about the drill abbess. I swear to this day that that bitch was a daemon in disguise. Remember when she threw us all into a fucking Ambull den on Yarnum V and told us to survive for an entire week? >>73787999Listen here bitch, I know what I am, and I'm honest with myself about it. You clearly don't know what you are because I'm the Canoness here and you are not. Know you place, slut.
>>73788076Only someone as conceited as you would put your name on an anonymous message board Sister Sara. Go choke on your power dildos
>>73788047Nah, I know that guy. He likes them nice and thicc. He's even got her painted on the side of his Thunderbolt.
>>73787957I remember that they were filthy chubby chasers in skintight catsuits.
>>73787496FYI Sisters, security cams show another intruder on the roof. Probably another peeping tom, but maybe a Guard panty raider or Blood Raven "Relic Gatherer">>73787900Uhhh, I think all the power fists got stolen as well...
>>73786206>Nobody likes ladies with heavy anythingIs that why the other sisters always hide my cuirass and graves? To mock my figure?
>>73788509Shut up sister Mary you deserve it for being such a fatass
>>73788604Don't be mean to sister Mary, it's not her fault the quartermistress ordered food provisions prepared for space marines without checking the nutritional and caloric information. How much is adult woman supposed to eat? Half-marine portion? Quarter-marine?
>>73787900>Indeed I did. I was famed for reaching the quarter-finals of Ultima Segmentum's slapping championships back in the schola so you sluts better know your place.Oh sure now your proud of thatDon't pretend you didn't sulk for a month when you lost to Sister... I think her name was Rosa?
>>73789311you only won because there weren't any space marines
Hey girls it's Sister Yevene from Sisters of Cleaning are we gonna FUCK or what?
>>73789364Oh I didn't do competitive slap fightsBut I was the Schola bitch toss champion for four years running
>>73789387We're not gay, Sister Yevene. Except Sister Farah, I expect she'll be inviting you to her quarters momentarily.
>>73789459Everyone knows that's a lie Sara
>>73789459Don't lie Sister Sara you were hitting on an adept that's a decade younger than you
We don't fuck sisters of cleaning, that's directly from the Prioress.
>>73789593It's not gay if it's with novice, it's more like a prank, funny hazing when they rookies learn the rumors about lesbian sisters are just stereotype. 100 % of girls still think it's real initiation ritual and muffdive without hesitation.
>>73787637What do you mean by "open"
>>73788076I don't actually. I've repressed that memory. I remember the punishments, though. Good lord. It's good to see you're not letting her memory down, Sara.
>>73789593Wait you think she's only a decade older then that novice?You know it that it takes decades to become a Canoness right? I won't say how many but I will say rejuvenat treatments are a hell of a thingAnd I say that as someone who is in the running for replacing Sara if anything happens to her
>>73789459Bi, not gay, there is a difference.Besides, I am busy stealing our stuff back from the Blood Ravens, here is your power-paddle back by the way...
>>73789743shut up sister lorenne we know you're gay stop hiding in the baneblade
>>73789836Bisexuals are faggots in denial.
>>73789901well put sister
>>73789901Your just mad that even when a sister is a bit sluty she still doesn't want anything to do with you
>>73788410...well shit. Looks like you're off the hook for now Agne- >>73789836 ...nevermind. thank you very much Sister Farah. >>73789311Look, I'd already taken a beating the week before when that Callidus Assassin bitch used polymorphine to hide a tire iron in her arm, I barely was able to win and make it past the preliminaries because of her cheating ass....and it was Rosaline, her name was Rosaline...>>73789770That's probably for the better sister. All I remember is having to eat the flesh scraps of the other progenium after those Xenos beasts were done tearing them apart. >>73789593No comment. Only the Emperor may judge my actions.
>>73790051she was 18 old enough to be your grand daughter
>>73789387Hi I'm sister Becky! Nice to meet you!
>>73790051Oh like you were the only one cheatedI'd have been the only 5 times bitch toss champion if they hadn't swapped in a fucking Ogryn as a student
>>73790051I remember you getting whipped. Kinda hot, not gonna lie but fuck man that was rough.
Sisters! The order of the reborn hero needs wombs I mean sisters.Are you prepared to do your part to aid in the growth of the Emperors armies? You'll need to be able to endure hours of strenuous prayerBe prepared to learn a diverse array of skills in addition to your skill at arms. Ranging from interpersonal relations to obstetrics. You'll likely be spending as much time in the role of a sister hospitalier as you would on the campaign.Have considerable patience and be willing to learn conflict management skillsAlso theres a few minimum physical requirements. Mainly relating to pelvis size. If this sounds good to you then apply today!
>>73790474Anything for the emperor
>>73777821If you're worried about your thighs then maybe you should have laid off the grox a bit. Don't think we haven't noticed your butt jiggles when you brush your teeth.
>>73790474Our orders should meet up and exchange experiences. I think it would beneficial for us all.
>>73790520why are you staring at her ass sister lorenne?>>73790474hospitaller gets all the cocks none of the sisters get any except for repentia whores
>>73790299Hah! I remember that debacle. Didn't the other school try to claim that "Tiffany" was just big boned despite being being over 10 feet tall? They had it dressed up in a blonde wig and everything!>>73790423The whippings weren't even the worst part. It was the live fire drills where we had to dodge lasgun and bolter rounds being fired at us that I truly dreaded. Also I'm not sure how to feel about you enjoying me getting whipped Canoness...>>73790474Excuse me, but this is the MILITANT branch of our order. If you want to recruit some Hospitalier's into your Literally Who order that I've never heard before, they're located down the hall and to the left. I'm not letting you take my battle sisters out of commission for 9 months to be baby mama's.
>>73790603you're just jealous hospitaller are hotter and more maternal so we get more cocks than your sad orders
>>73790579It's a bit hard to miss. I wasn't staring at it while she was brushing her teeth or anything.Stop staring at me like that.
>>73790638sister lorenne you're gay, nothing wrong with that as long as you carry the Emperor's will
>>73790603The melta grenade hot potato punishment game was also quite awful. About you and the whipping... uh. Yeah. Sorry?
>>73790498Gertrude you know having a child will make your tits and hips even bigger right?>>73790603I can't believe they fucking got away with it'Oh well at least Tiffany had that horrible "accident" before wshe could enjoy her title
>>73790603Perfectly understandable but we require sisters militant to to extract the big strong heroic men we require from the battlefields. The Emperor has enough limpwristed effete priests. He needs manly men.
oh no if getrude's tits and hips gets bigger i might fucking die
>>73790474Wait a second, I'd know those tiny tits anywhereSISTER MARIS WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!
>>73790675I'm not gay, dammit. I have a boy I read the Emperor's hymns with, I just can't help but notice that her butt is prone to knocking other girls down and I'm totally not jealous of them for it.
>>73790934>I'm not gay, dammit. I have a boy I read the Emperor's hymns with, I just can't help but notice that her butt is prone to knocking other girls down and I'm totally not jealous of them for it.you're seething sister lorenne and we know that boy is gay quil lying to yourself
>>73789901If you say so>>73790474So wait, the Navy just bombarded four hives from orbit to reduce food requirements, there is eight ongoing culls of the underhive and midhive by the PDF, and our planet's yearly contributions to the Guard, Navy, and Munitorium, and Colonial Branch combined only represented 0.01% of the population, but now we need more babies?And there is no one else who can have these babies other than the elite warriors for which the Ecclesiarchy spent millions of thrones each on combat training?I have extreme doubts of the legitimacy of this "Order of the Reborn Hero". Sounds like another recruiting front for one of the Governor's sex cults.
>>73790957I swear he's not. We've done all sorts of things! Lewd things even!
We need more drawfriends on sister gertrude
>>73790637Those sluts can enjoy them as much as they want. It's the Orders' Militant branch that ends up getting shit and purges filthy heretics when the chips are down. >>73790678...don't apologize. I did moan a lot from the pain so it's partially my fault you felt that way. >>73790498>>73790750Which is exactly why Gertrude is NOT going to be joining up with this glorified brothel that calls itself and "Order". It's hard enough to find power armor that fits her as is. >>73790760Than go recruit some Catachan's from the barracks or something. I've heard Catachan bitches can crush a grox skull with their thighs. The Emperor can use more of those tough bastards around and I need my sisters here in the meantime.
>>73790750There is a limit how much they can grow.
>>73790970Look do you want to be involved in a eugenics program a few thousand years in the running or not? If we wanted a few million braindead gangers then we'd grab a few million braindead gangers.But the thing about braindead gangers is they're weak and stupid. Emperor needs smart and strong.
>>73790934Sister I've gone through every holy book I could find from those who had talk to the God Emperor in personHe doesn't care if you gay dear Sister
>>73791226I'm serious here! I've even gone as far as h-h-h-hand holding with him!
I'd say it's good to see this coven is exactly as I left it, but I'd be lying. When was the last time any of you Sisters slew anything in glorious battle?
>>73791274he's gay sister lorenne, he hold hands with anyone that asks
So, the Navigator's started drinking again and I think we may be running low on alchohol rations AND the industrial grade ethanol. At this rate the entire ship is going to be dry within the next few hours.
>>73791289But he was saying he wanted to go as far as cuddling next. I don't think my heart is ready for this yet and you're trying to tell me he likes men instead?
>>73785753>>73785790Listen, they still haven't forgiven us for that whole "we kinda destroyed six Companies of you" thing that happened during St. Katherine's Little Oopsie. And they're really into punishment.And..I revise my vote. Dorn here too.
>>73791289To be fair a lot of sisters are handholding addicts too. They'll hold hands with every other sister, no questions asked.
>>73791096While some Catachan meat is always welcome in the monastery we've had to up the requirements for men of some worlds due to the general high quality of their stock.Right now we're looking for Cadians if you've seen any. Can't let them just fade away.
>>73791274That's nice dearNow suck his dick
>>73785753Obvious noble Guilliman is the greatest of all primarchs. My genesire's accomplishments and feats are legion, his strength grand, his tactical acumen unmatched, his administrative ability admired, I could go on.
>>73791280Two days agoYou know just because your here for a day doesn't mean you know everything about us
>>73791638We offer specialist training in exactly that.
>>73791722This isn't unusual and you know it, Palatine.
>>73791757Sisters of Cleaning are ironically the dirtiest
>>73791638I-I-I don't think I've been properly trained for that.
>>73791861We can help! We've got just the tools for it.
>>73791791Well yeahWe talk about weird shit while fighting and we talk about weird shit when we're not Hell I have to plan a campaign for a Agri-World with cult uprising while making sure it's food production doesn't drop to low by the end of the week but am not gonna bring that up while we're just talking shit
>>73791861Don't you worry we've taught all our sisters how to properly suck a dick.We've got it down to a rote. Our founder even wrote several tomes on the subject.
>>73792003>Don't you worry we've taught all our sisters how to properly suck a dick.Except sister Gertrude
>>73791964How you behave in your off time reflects on you. The Emperor is always watching, have you forgotten, Palatine?
>>73791964>>73792079>you two should kiss
>>73791335Well then tell him to get his shit together because we need this ethanol to kill the horible tase of food from our cuddy. Also tell that Cadian focker to stop jerking araun my locker. Is he aware how hard it is to get panties for my tail when like 96% Imperial stock is for those Felinid twats.
>>73791919>>73792003I don't know if I'm emotionally ready for this...Emperor give me strength, I just wanted cuddle and now someone's bringing in a servitor for something.
>>73791791The double negative obscured your point there a bit>>73791190Have the Genetors do some genetic attribute testing on the next couple of groups heading to the crematoriums, select those with the most viable traits, and then cull those that don't turn out as desired. For fuck's sake is it amateur hour today? Have you never run a eugenics program before? Oh wait. You haven't.Because this is just a front for some weird fetish sex cult, probably heretical as well.
>>73791919>>73792074Stop girls>>73792145Sister you don't have to do anything with your beard that your not ready forI understand not wanting to face yourself, I've been there wondering if I fit the God Emperor's plan, if maybe am overthinking it and am not really into the other girls in the ScholaYou have my word that no one will force you to do anything my dearI just hope your think it over and consider maybe your not really into that gay priest
>>73792327Fuck you Palatine Lisa
>>73792184Need I remind you sister that not only is cloning outside of approved servitor related purposes heretical but also highly illegal.Clones are not people. So decreed the Emperor.
>>73792327I've already started the throatfucker 2000, so if sister lorenne isn't getting in it, you might have to palatine.
>>73792337Another outburst like that and I'll get the Mistress of Repentance in here
>Audio log twenty-two of Ranger Omathia of Iyanden, date unknown. I had to flee the observation spot owing to detection, and my binoculars were shot from my hands by a boltgun round. Nonetheless, breaking into the Guard storage rooms was trivial, but another issue has arisen. The overwhelming majority of the Sisterhood clothes within consisted of undergarments and wholly unsuitable to walk around in - for a Asuryani who values their dignity, at least - though after some searching I was able to locate a fitting set of off-duty robes and bra labelled "SEND TO: MARIS", whoever that may be. I can also draw a reasonable fleur-de-lis with a board marker and through strategic use of hair, I may hide my ears and partially obscure the suspect facial shape, and the fact that - contrary to popular opinion - few orders dye their hair white is helpful. Isha willing, I can present as a passable Sister Omathia though, sadly, I will have to hide my obviously Aeldari-made equipment here. With a little luck, they shall be too incompetent and distracted to look at me twice.
>>73791791>>73791280>>73791669>>73792342Ah, Endymion. It'd normally say it's good to see you, but I see that you've also been cursed with babysitting these squawking hens so I'd be lying if I said that. Believe me when I tell you that it only gets worse from here. How's the Chapter going?
>>73792327He's a guardsman, not a priest. They're only interested in the Dialogous because of their...wait a second, this is the kind of "oratory" skills they were talking about?
>>73792583Ah, brother Mathias. A breath of fresh air in these dark days. The Chapter stands strong, as ever. I pray you are well, and that the Emperor has not seen fit to give you these same trials as I?
>>73792488Hey sister! This isn't casual Friday! Go get your battle dress on ASAP!
>>73792488>>73792752Hey, I don't recognise her. Did we already do the initiation with her?We can't put her in armour if she just got here.
>>73792184>Question: Have any of you newbies ever watched Kriegers in action?>Observation: They just march knowingly towards their deaths, one by one on mass straight into the meat grinder.>Statement: It's all just one big war of attrition, regardless of your role in the Imperium, from Servitor to Lord Inquisitor. >Elaboration: It's also why they're so accepting of sexual choice, it doesn't matter what kind of meat you are as long as you're going into the grinder.
>>73792626I thought Sister Lorenne was with a gay priest?>>73792390You thought you could start a total novice on the Throatfucker 2000? You'd break her jaw you dumb bitch!Now here's what your gonna do, your apologize to Sister Lorenne for almost breaking her jawAnd then your getting strapped in yourself, Am I understood?
>>73792184>Statement: I apologize Sister Farah, the machine spirit in my Cogitator must be acting up. That message was for Palatine Lisa. >>73792327
>>73792348Do I really need to spell it out in giant letters?Go to the building where surplus people are thrown in the big burny room, have the coyboys who specialize in biology test their genetic markers for useful traits, make the ones with useful traits have babies with each other, run the children through endless tests to remove those with undesirable traits, repeat for a few generations, and voila, top tier soldiers and breeders for the rare occasions where quality is more valuable than quantity.Am I the only one who stayed awake when eugenics was being taught at the Schola Progenium?
>>73792838Palatine, you underestimate me! I was gonna stay and supervise and adjust the knob to be difficult but manageable for her. Jeez. The Canoness lets me do it!
>>73792892You might be sister. No offense. You're a bit of a nerd. Not as much as Gertrude, but still.
>>73792892Once the cogboys figure out genetic markers for heroics then that's grand. Thought I must confess you seem practically soulless. Have you been tasted for the pariah gene?
>>73792664Unfortunately, the Emperor has seen fit to “bless” me with managerial duties and desk word. You will not believe the number of Throne payments this convent has listed under “Entertainment”. These hags seem to think that getting their rocks off counts as “endurance training”. Personally, I’d rather be slowly devoured by a Hive Tyrant right about now than deal with anymore “noise complaints”.
>>73792901Huh, that's funnyI hear a bunch of fucking lame excuses but what I don't hear is you gagging on that fake man stick
>>73792969Be strong, Brother Mathias. Be strong for the Emperor.
>>73792776I mean if she is already wearing her casual friday dress I can imagine she is already done with her initiation
>>73793008If she did her initiation her head would be shaved and she'd be covered in oil
>>73792978Uh. Yes ma'am. I'll get on it ma'am. Note for the record that I'm doing this under protest and totally not because I enjoy it.
>>73792776>>73792752I was transferred here last week, but I understand Snoozius was in the mailroom that day and lost my transfer slip.>[Initiation? This will be either a way to gain their trust, or backfire horribly. How bad can it be?]It would appear you have yet to conduct this initiation ritual with me. I have been refused armour until now, I presume this would be why. Might you elaborate as to this ritual?
>>73792948Sister Gertrude mostly reads low brow smut novels, I read the works of the Imperium's most brilliant minds, without whom civilization would have long ago crumbled>>73792952Defeat comes when good men don't have the moral fortitude to make the right decisions - Haven't you read your Macharius?
>>73793064Oh, no need to be nervous sister. It's just a little event to help getting to know your fellow sisters intimately. After all, if we have to depend on each other in battle, we have to trust each other deeply and firmly, right? I'll let the Palatine explain further, as the Canoness appears to have stepped out for a bit. But yes, it does involve massage oils.
>>73793178And were it as simple as you seem to think then we'd have cloned a few billion Lord Macharius's and never had to worry about anything again.
>>73793178Oh I think sister Gertrude will enjoy ANY book.
>>73793178I-I do not read smut!! I only read the holy scriptures! That was a prank by sister Maris, she replaced my scriptures with erotica and told me they were new!
>>73793178hey sister farah I think with that much hot air in your head we can use it to warm ourselves when we go to an ice deathworld
>>73793272why did you continue reading it then?
>>73793218Like >>73792348 said, cloning is against the will of the Emperor.
>>73793064>>73792776Initiation is a series of hazing rituals filled with things like shaving your entire body of all hair, stealing the Canoness panties (an impossible task as she doesn't have any panties), not sleeping for a week straight and other degrading and possibly dangerous acts that the uppers ranks have banned the Sisters from doing to the novicesAnd I hope I don't see anything like that happening Now if your excuse me I need to go all the way across the base and make sure we have enough flamer fuel for the future campaign Bye girls
>>73793304She didnt tell me it was erotica until I finished it
>>73793272And how long did you read it before you knew the story of the guardsman initiate wasn't holy scripture? Was it before for after the scene in the back of the cathedral during prayers?
>>73793272If you say so>>73793277Your just jealous
>>73793332>She didnt tell me it was erotica until I finished itso... you read it despite the eroticness in the book?
>>73792991I’m trying Endymion. Emperor help me if I see another payment for “sexual paraphernalia” totaling up to the cost of a Reaver-class Battle Titan though. I swear this Order purchases more fake genitalia than it does actual bolter rounds...
>>73793447Brother Mathias, your communicator seems to be malfunctioning.
>>73793491Just another blasted thing that doesn’t work right on this Emperor forsaken rock.
>>73793378It's no worse than reading some of the things the Space Wolves write about their primarch. I worked with a rune priest once who gave me a book about it. There's even pictures if you need help visualizing.
>>73793506By the Throne do you bitch, No wonder your Chapter Master sent you hereI honestly didn't believe his message at first but you really do nothing but bitch
>>73793469Over the last few days I have lost all respect for this 'Holy' sisterhood. Emperor alone knows how they ever got a reputation for holiness.>>73793549Ironic.
>>73793549When you and the harpies you call “sisters” start taking some financial responsibility and stop using the Ecchlesiarchal stipend you receive every month to purchase “power vibrators”, than I will stop bitching. Until than, you could just say I’m “fitting in” with my increasing bitchiness. Also tell your “sisters” who are trying to get the Scouts to bang them whenever another Chapter stops by on this rock to stop. They do realize they’re, like, 17 years old at most right? >>73793576What can I say, the Ecchlesiarch sure knows how to run a mean propaganda game.
>>73793671I believe they realize our scout's ages. How unholy.
>>73793064Woah, you have pretty ears...you wouldn't mind hanging out with me...I don't have many friends among my fellow sisters
>>73793671Hey genius why do you think a Adeptus Astartes like yourself is here going over expense reports?Instead of literally anyone from the AdeptusAdministratum?It's cause your Chapter Master begged us to get you out of his hair for a century or two because he couldn't take your bitching anymore
>>73793671Dear Mathias, I'd suggest you borrow some of our "power tools" but you seem to have your butt filled already. Does the black carapace come with a rear plug or is a custom piece?
>>73793749Age is but a number. You're never too young to be a hero in the emperors eyes and never too young to contribute to future generations of heroes.
hey guys if anyone is interested mama5 story thread is open >>73793884
>>73793806who cares about tiny eldar boys when i can mast- i mean think about sister gertrude and her massive cow tits?Ok I might consider little elder boys too, don't tell anyone.
>>73794001Stop pretending to be sister lorenne we know you have heretical parchments of eldar shotas you sick heretic
>>73793749Indeed. I haven't seen levels of sexual deviancy since the time we raided that Slaaneshi daemon world. Remember that brother? I believe it was called "The Fortress of Unholy ecstasy" or something similar...>>73793801Well, luck for them, and for your Order, I helped plan the defense of Armageddon during the 3rd war so I know a thing or two about logistics. >>73793802Funny girl. I'll think of your insult next time I'm ripping a Dark Eldar warrior in half just for that little extra motivation to keep killing.
>>73794042I prefer that place, in full honesty. Our problems there could be solved with bolter and chainsword.
>>73793823I wonder who could be behind this post?
girls the astartes are laughing at usagain
Wtf is this gay ass larp shit?
>>73794028Lies and slander, I only lust for Gertrude's massive ass!
>>73794171they're laughing at you sister olga not at us
>>73794166Would you deny a heroic Cadian whiteshield his place in our breeding program?
>>73794194How new are you?
Did you girls hear that sister Rothehilde is dating the scribe in section 14. I wonder what she sees in him?
>>73793799>[Damn, those weren't supposed to be showing]My...ears, you say? I suppose mon-- many would find the unusual shape interesting. You may look, but don't touch. I would be more than willing to talk to you a little later, but first I must obtain the equipment I should already have before I am challenged again. Who is the master of the quarters today?
>>73794318Old enough, anon. Old enough.[Spoiler]No seriously, your handwriting is just the worst. I told you last thread but I'd be more than happy to tell you again for the next thread, too.[/spoiler]
>>73795101newfag can't even spoiler correctly
>>73794166>>73792184>>73791096>>73790970Don't listen to these sour hags, they are just jealous of your moist, fertile ovaries. Men and women of all ages are welcome in the Order of the Hero Reborn (preferably blondes and red heads between 16-24, d-cup plus).Together we can create a new breed of soldier so attractive they play themselves in propaganda movies.Also, they will be good at fighting, because that is important too.
>>73795127"Th-thank god anon messed up the spoilers. I can use it to distract people from my off-topic garbage thread and garbage art.
>>73795153Must I remind you that you are banned from our temples and the monastery?Why do you even keep trying to sneak in? It's not like we haven't made sure the entire order knows what you look like. Astartes are sterile and thus no good to us.
>>73795153Stop being a simp Governor
>>73794042You'd need our real expanse reports to do anythingDid you really think we brought a Titan's worth of dildos?We had the novices write this up so you'd have something to do
Ok guys. We got a problem.
>>73796376I swear to the Emperor Sleepitus... what?
>>73796395>>73796402There's a leaky pipe in the restroom
>>73796442Oh ok for a second thought I thought you lost an eversor again. Don't scare us like that Sleepitus.
>>73781135Quest threads are banned faggots.Go be fags somewhere else.
>>73796454Ok, I won't tell you what else is in the restroom than.
>>73796516Is it an Eversor?
>>73796527No, but remember how we captured that witch a week or so ago? Like how someone high up was like "Nah don't BLAM the witch, not yet I want to probe her pants" well, the witch had to use the restroom...
>>73796599She broke the pipe...
>>73796624YOU THINK THAT'S THE ISSUE HERE SLEEPITUS ARE YOU THRONE DAMNED SERIOUS?
>>73796638I mean, in her defense that is going to be a pretty big mess to clean up.
>>73796638>>73796713Oh I know that's not the real issue. The real issue is the Chaos portal in the restroom and the demons.
>>73796737This is why we execute witches on the spot, Sister Sleepitus.
>>73796737*sigh*I'll get the heavy flamer.
>>73796768I was all for a bolter to her head but someone I won't say names thought she was hot. >>73796776>>73796801I'm sorry!
>>73796812This individual is obviously a heretic and deserves execution herself. Name her.
>>73796812Sleepitus one day the Canoness will flay you alive I swear to the THRONE
>>73796904>>73796998It'll be kinda hard for her to flay me when she gets that bolter to the head.
>>73796591>>73796737Emperor damn it Sleepitus Sit right there and I'll handle this mess
>>73796737>[Not as planned! Not as planned! I was only in here for recon! I suppose I shall have to play the part at the immediate moment.]How does one use this "rivet (or something like that) gun" thing? Point at enemy and pull trigger, I suppose. Die, daemon scum!BANG!Ouch.Why is my nose bleeding and extremely painful? Why am I flat on my behind on the floor? And where did the rivet gun fly off to? I am certainly not built for this!
>>73797429Also, I thought I should let you know that you have a half hour to 'handle this mess' before we sterilize it from orbit;It's the only way to be sure.
>>73797500>looks up from having shot the witch in the headSorry you say something?The Bitch was screaming after I ripped her arn off so I didn't hear shit
>>73797429Ok but there's something off about >>73797493, almost like she has some kn- >>73797494Oh holy shit shoot it!
>>73797714Oh the Eldar?A few of my Inquisitor buddies wants us to wait and see what she does>>73797494>Readies artifact Heavy FlamerBring it you chaos fucks!
>>73796737Go to fourth west floor restroomSee pic relatedNope.exeLets see if the first floor east restroom is any cleaner
>>73798210SUCK ON THIS YOU CHAOS FUCKS
>>73798210>>73798141I want my bolter back! This pistol is boring!
>>73798669>>73798695WE'RE GOING TO STEAL ALL YOUR SHIT!AND WE'RE GOING TO BE AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE WHILE WE DO IT!
>>73798815The Blood Ravens already did that hours ago you second rate copy fuck!
I can't help but notice that there is need of more bolters, so I propose a contest. Line up ladies, and don't mind my servitor with the water gun attachment. The winner gets my fancy bolter, it was blessed by the Emperor himself. I even have the documentation for it.
>>73799209>LOUDLY steals fancy bolter
>>73799209That bolter looks suspiciously familiar...
Blood Ravens recap: >We've "found" a great number of chapter relics (some bearing the heraldy of the Salamanders, Dark Angels, Grey Knights, Eldar, Adeptus Mechanicus, The Order of the Ermine Mantle, the Ultramarines, the Imperial Guard and the Inquisition, strangely enough.)>We tried to ... appropriate the Living Saint Brigitte, but instead, accidentally bumped her head with a thunderhawk. OOPS. >After claiming valuable relics and gifts for the Chapter, the Battle Barge Claimitus Rex has transferred all of the loot *ahem* GIFTS to the Battle Barge Metallus Bawkses, who will be warping out shortly.>Current mission: Liberate the Imperial Temple from the heretics, mutants, traitors, and pretty much anyone that stands in our way, and take it with us. I am Blood Raven Sergeant Takken Hanoverfist, and I will claim it in the name of the Emperor.
hey anons let's help the OP to continue his story without him there wouldn't be this silly thread>>73793884
>>73800739You can find a partial list of the stuff the Blood Ravens have stolen recently from the Sisters here, though the power paddle was apparently stolen back:>>>73779473
>>73798815>BOOMHEADSHOT.stcIt's okay gals, I got one.
Has anybody seen sister gertrude lately? I have a large sandwich with extra mayonnaise for her, and she was really excited about it, but I can't find her anywhere
>>73801744I think I saw her sneak away to the guardsmen camp together with some Catachans
>>73802139Unlikely It's more likely they tried to sneak her away
>>73802849I can imagine that only buff catachans can haul her away without any issue
>>73804613Based and bumppilled