>>220012
Are we doing Lucy, brainstormed girl or a new one entirely. I'd prefer either the second or third

File: Lucy Andrea.jpg (3 KB, 92x125)

3 KB JPG

>>220027
What kind of a name is that? Try again, smartass.

>>220012
> Present image to clarify nature of text-based medium.

The text-based nature of the medium in which you exist seems pretty clear to you. This is a picture of you, should you require one.

However your name is not Lucy Andrea.

> Present image of room.
Your room is spartan, bordering on bleak. Your ascetic aesthetic would be accurately represented by a blank white page, perhaps with a single vertical black bar set off-center. This can be imagined easily enough.

Yes, you have a computer in your room.

Yes, it is an Apple device. Obviously.

Anyway yeah you have a bed and a window and stuff; it's just all rather minimalistic.

Jenny Ambrose

>>220032
Gertude Stampian

>>220032
Abby Cayman

>>220032
Hipster McGagglePretentious

>>220032
Aerie Ola

>>220032

Steve Ladyface

>>220032
Mimi Bonnet

>>220036
While you like Ambrose, you can't say that Jenny really fits the arbitrary naming constraints your fictional world has placed on you.

>>220046
nah fuck off. McGagglePretentious is kind of gratuitous.

>>220041
Gertrude? Hmmm...
Nah. You aren't really feeling it.

>>220055
What, like an eagle's nest? Exactly like you are not.

>>220056
Steve? Whoever heard of somebody being named Steve?

You think these are all pretty silly names.

GEORGE MOTHERFUCKING FOREMAN AS SHIGGOTH

>>220032
Ruby Jones

>>220062
Dotty Gräfenberg

Bonnie Carlisle

>>220062
Claire Ambrose

>>220060
You aren't really a Mimi, though you do have a friend who you think might be one.

>>220064
George Forman is the name of some alien somewhere probably and taking it would be rude and frankly uncalled for.

You wouldn't call yourself rude, but not many people call for you.

>>220045
Abby Cayman. That is you.

>>220076
Whip out your cock and shit on your balls while hissing like a crocodile

>>220032
Anne Furte

File: Abby Cayman.png (4 KB, 183x252)

4 KB PNG

For those of us how aren't ants here is the MC

>>220032
Moirai.
kek

>>220093
Oh, it's just John and Roxy's kid

>>220093
Velma or gtfo

Practice your mime routine

>>220076
===>
You are, as you have always been? or something (the metatextuality is kind of unclear) Abby Cayman, and today, as has previously been stated, is your fifteenth birthday.

You have a variety of interests, including the MINIMALISM displayed in your room. Speaking of your room, you accidentally knocked the CLOCK off your wall earlier. You ought to sweep up the shards.

You enjoy long BOOKS, though this is not necessarily an indicator of good taste. Your most recently devoured tome, Infinite Jest, is technically of indeterminate length (as a semi-circular narrative) (boy you really do like your parenthesis) and has given you a taste for the META.

You also enjoy SKIING. Silence and the smooth swish of snow and a steep hill before you; these things make your heart sing and your mouth smile.

You appreciate a well-composed PUN now and then; occasionally you choose to indulge in SEMIMAYBEUNIRONIC?GENDER DISCUSSION in the MIDNIGHT CREW GENERAL threads. You like sweet foods.

Oh, and sometimes, if the game is right (and this one most assuredly will be; Andrew Hussie himself is heading the story and dev team) you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends.

>>220098
You don't know anyone with those names. You suppose your dad's name might be John? But you don't actually know.

Man. That's pretty weird, now that you think about it.

>>220081
What?

Nah. Do crocodiles even hiss?

>>220102
You are not a mime, though your apparent mimesis of one might insinuate such. You just like black and white is all.

Mimes are pretty alright you guess. You admire the subtle commentaries they pose unanswered through movement alone. Yeah, you could see yourself learning mime at some point.

Not now though. Today you've got stuff to do.

>>220112
Rewatch Act 7 and cry

>>220112
You're also a devout 4channer and /b/tard. And you do NOT look like an Abby fucking Cayman. You are also in dire need of arms (coughQMcough).
>>220102
Second this

>>220112
> Shitpost on MCG

>>220112
Abby: Mourn the loss of your clock.

>>220125
Ok little lady
lets get that sweet ASS in motion
I need a list.
We need to keep organized if we wanna get anything done.

>>220127
What? PART 7 of THE MIDNIGHT CREW ADVENTURE was a masterpiece.

Okay maybe you cried the first time you saw it, but you wouldn't cry again you don't think.

It was pretty great though.

>>220128
4chan yes. /b/ no. You prefer /lit/, which is actually the best board for shitposting on 4chan, far superior to [s4s] or trashheaps like /b/ or /v/. You have friends who would disagree, but their taste is objectively shit.

>>220125
>>220137
Oh and also check if we're still missing an arm

>>220128
> Abby: Retrieve arms.
Why? Your ROBOPROSTHETIC (left) ARM is currently charging in its CHARGING STATION, where you left it. Where else would it be? Retrieving your other arm is out of the question, since it is attached to your body right where it should be.

>>220138
But in /lit we dont have fried babies...and broiled babies and grilled babies and baked babies and sauteed babies and laminated babies and you get the point.

The name I pitched in the first thread is being used.

Based Hussie.

>>220145
Submit an inquiry to your father about his name.

>>220145
>Abby: hit puberty

>>220145
How long until the arm is charged?

>>220155
this. then describe in detail your new sexy body.

>>220140
You've never had a left arm. You assume you were born without one, unless your DAD cut it off whilst you were too young to remember.

Speaking of your DAD, you can smell him now, baking up a veritable frenzy downstairs.

Man that guy sure does bake a lot. He makes cakes for any occasion, or no occasion at all. You've tried to ask him to stop more than once, but well it just seems like some kind of bizarre ineffable universal constant.

>>220155
You would definitely punch the physical incarnation of puberty if you could get ahold of the fucker. Periods are a fucking bitch.

But you can't so you settle for impotently shaking your fist at the air like some kind of idiot.

>>220145
>Abby: Check what time it- oh, right..

>>220161
Retrieve sweeping device.

>>220161
Realize your latent desire for baked confections.

>>220155
Your welcome

>>220155
>>220159
Congratulations that shit already happened like 3 years ago
We gained a SWEET ASS for our trouble

>>220161
Ponder life's greatest questions.

>>220163
Yeah your clock is broken.

>>220166
But your DAD is in the kitchen! If you go in there without having a proper STRIFE SPECIBUS ALLOCATION, he will give you a stern look of FATHERLY DISAPPROVAL and you don't want that.

>>220167
Cakes are alright you guess. Awfully fattening though, probably. Not like you would know.

>>220159
Your new sexy body after hitting puberty would be covered in whatever passes for blood in the fucker's body, because you hit it so hard.

Ugh.

>>220175
Allocate a shard of glass to your strife specibus.

>>220175
Allocate Infinite Jest to your strife specibus.

>>220175
>>220179
Bookkind lets goooooo

>>220175
Allocate roboarm to to your strife specibus.

>>220176
You don't think your dad would consider that a good idea. You already have FISTKIND, so he's not too worried about you defending yourself. You think he wants you to learn to use a proper weapon, like his cakes.

>>220179
There we go. Just weird enough to be interesting, TOMEKIND should let you carry books without worrying about your MODUS, which is a PAIN IN THE ASS, and it would probably needle your DAD a bit.

>>220185
Confront Daddy
Lets get this beat down over with.

>>220185
Forget the broom, just captchalogue the glass.

>>220192
This.

>>220168
I do not see a sweet ass. I see a catepillar mime with glasses.

>>220208
>we are now the hungryPantomimist

>>220216
Raid the kitchen and secure the food stuffs. We need MOAR food to grow!

>>220221
But we have to be quiet.

>Abby: Rediscover your loverall of Totinos Pizza Rolls

>>220191
You're going to do it.
Later.

For now, one of your chums is pestering you!

[somebody roll a die for which]

Rolled 3 (1d8)

>>220230
Ok

Rolled 9 (1d10)

>>220230

>>220230
[yeah this is me of course just accidentally took my trip off]

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>220230
Rolling for 3 human friends.

>>220240
Because Abby is underdeveloped.

File: 1464977487074.jpg (163 KB, 600x800)

163 KB JPG

>>220208
Trust me its there and its really SWEET
if we keep repeating it
it will become canon
worked the last time

>>220244
Give her some time. She's still just a caterpillar in need of some pizza rolls.

>>220251
Better. Though natural is preferable, no make-up.

>>220251
Is this the original drawfag?

>>220256
Thank you. I feel better now. Her friend invites her over. Roll for host serving pizza rolls?

>>220264
Filename.

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>220265
In pantomime.

>>220274
Uh...who determines if the roll is successful?

File: 1464975045468.png (90 KB, 600x600)

90 KB PNG

>>220260
>>220264
No, i'm just in charge of the Basic sprite models
the art for that one was made by Anata

>>220280
This is better too. Just add something more than an a-cup, yes?

>>220279
OP. When they come back. Yes.

>>220280
Totally forgot about Anata's name. Thanks for clarifying

>>220230
You open Pesterchum, your trusty chat client.

-naturalDaybreak is now pestering anaphoricDilettante (you)-

Oh it's this guy. By all rights, your personalities should clash but you get along inexplicably well. What does he want?

ND: Oh Hello There to you My Friend
AD: oh hey there
AD: (what's up)
ND: I Desired to wish You A Happy Fifteenth Day Of Birth
ND: Happy Birth-Day
AD: thanks
AD: um happy birthday to u 2 too man
ND: I Accept your ill-targeted Missive with Good Will
ND: We ought to Play Sub-burb
ND: Sb-urb
ND: the game
ND: Anyway Crush It and Lord over the Remnants like Gods


-nominalistNepenthe is pestering you-

NN: I would like to wish you a happy birthday
NN: but
NN: nothing really. I just didn't know how to finish that sentence
AD: nice to see u 2
AD: (figuratively I mean)
AD: yeah we should
NN: ??? Please expound?
AD: yeah we should finish that sentence
AD: collaboratively
NN: um that can be arranged?
NN: that being the sentence and the act of arranging the sentence?
NN: oh also in case I forget: your birthday gift should be at your house by now
NN: Happy Birthday! again!

>>220351
>Grab your exclusive collector's Aegis (a shield from Greek mythology) and march downstairs to examine the "gift". Approach maximum caution and vigilance, shield raised of course.

>>220351
You definitely want to play Sburb. You have presents to fetch and open first though; ND, whatever his other faults, is fucking amazing at presents.

You can already guess what some of them got you. ND? A self-help book probably. The guy loves them. You just hope it's long enough.
NN probably made you some witchy charm or something.

AA probably forgot your birthday entirely.

>>220351
>>220377
Head downstairs. Prep for encounter with yoru father.

>>220373
Grab? You don't understand.
Do you perhaps mean CAPTCHALOGUE? or allocate to STRIFE SPECIBUS? But your specibi are already allocated to fistkind and tomekind.

You aren't quite sure what is going on here.

[taking modus suggestions. Pictionary is being saved for later]

>>220377
>4 kids
typical but fair
Lets chat with more of our friends or we could just fight our dad either is fine with me

>>220389
Fucking Google Modus nigga, we feelin' lucky.

>>220389
Uh...
>??? Please expound?

>>220389
Since we're doing early Homestuck it's gotta be a data structure

I'm feeling BINARY TREE

>>220392
who said four?

you did

t-typo what I totally meant to do that!

well I guess I meant to do it now.

>>220389
Dewey Decimodus

>>220389
Pantomime Modus. Embrace the silence.

>>220397
What, you don't have a MODUS?
Just as STRIFE SPECIBUS ALLOCATION determines weaponry, one's MODUS determines rules by which their SYLLADEX is accessed.

Well, if you don't know what a SYLLADEX is, it's roughly equivalent to a card-based video game inventory system allowing one to interact with items.

>>220389
THIS >>220412

File: b7ef87465f510301a5abd032d(...).jpg (885 KB, 872x921)

885 KB JPG

>>220389
I have successfully googled the unknown terms.
?>CAPTCHALOGUE the exlusive collector's item: Aegis

>>220412
backing this one

mime a gun

boom.

a gun.

>>220412
This one's potentially cool.

>>220377
>>220402

Your DEWEY DECIMODUS is kind of a pain in the ass. Painintheasskind? nah that's a strifekind. Don't get clever on me, you say to yourself semimaybe?ironically.

hehe.

yeah it sucks though. The Dewey Decimal System is imperfect as is, particularly for the kind of stuff you carry around the house, and you only have three usable slots (since one, of course, you need for your Dewey Decimalictionary to find anything else).

>>220413
MODUS:
>>220412
STRIFE SPECIBUS ALLOCATION:
>fistkind
>tomekind
Got it.

>>220402
YEAH YEAH LIVE IS ABOUT 3 THINGS
MONEY
PUSSY
DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM

>>220429
You descend a level in your house, and keep descending.

Your DAD awaits you in the kitchen. You can STRIFE with him now or go outside and retrieve a PRESENT from the mailbox.

>>220429
what have you against mimes QM? Where did they silently touch you...

>>220416
>>220423
>>220428
>>220437
Maybe next time.

>>220436
Let's get the present first.

>>220436
Proceed to retrieving the present. You can beat your father after reattaching your arm.

>>220436
Present time.

>>220436
You hope the present contains the MIME 101 tome, like you had asked for.

>>220442
You open your door and step outside.

A faint breeze martyrs itself on the upper edge of your concrete shoebox, dissipating thenceforth into the interminable aether whence it came. The sun hangs overhead like a milky-white eye, as if to suggest God is not dead, merely blind - and yet His unseeing gaze still washes it bone-white.

It is your fifteenth birthday, and, as with all fourteen before it, you feel something is missing from your life. What? You cannot say. Its very lack makes any attempt to divine its nature maddening. It is as if some tremendously shitty riddler reached into your nascent fetal mind and plucked from therein a neuron, cutting all its connections, so that you would never know what it was, exactly, you were missing; the perfect crime.

Well, it would be perfect in all respects save one. The riddler is shitty, and the riddle he poses base and crude. It matters not. He Is Already Here, and you are-


But helpless Pieces of the Game He plays

Upon this Checker-board of Nights and Days;

Hither and thither moves, and checks, and slays,

And one by one back in the Closet lays.

-Postmodern lyricist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, misattributed to Aleksandr Ivanovich Luzhin

Yep. PoMo lyricist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton was a wise man indeed to have said that, and you are absolutely positive it was him who did.

>>220490
yeah I got a riddle for you

why the fuck are you here and not writing this shit down in a book?

>>220494
this project is an attempt to force myself to work on a single thing (plotting) as training for an eventual book probably.

I really like pretentious!hussie's style.

>>220490
Open the present before you are spotted and dragged into strife.

>>220498
okay good, cause I was going to say man, this is the kinda shit you stumble upon looking at good poetry or literature. I've never been on /lit/ but I'm sure they appreciate this...

>>220504
backing this one, then retreat into home, give father kiss for raising us so well, then install the game.

shit's about to get real

>>220504
Oh yeah. You had a mailbox to get to before you did all that pretentious monologuing.

Does it count as monologuing if you're kind of the narrator by virtue of their remaining a simple transparent proxy (so far)?

You haven't the slightest clue.

You put the little red flag-marker-thingy back down and withdraw from the mailbox four presents. One is small and immaculately wrapped in teal wrapping paper. You don't even have to glance at the tag to know that ND (you mean neuralDilemma, the one who's good at gift giving) sent it to you. That guy puts teal on everything. There is what is pretty transparently a self-help book from ND (naturalDaybreak, the one with the erratic capitalization) and a well-wrapped deep green roughly circular thing, as well as a slim golden folder-type dealio. folio. huh woo that actually worked there. You're like some kind of portmanteaumaestro.

You think you'll shut up while you're ahead.

You remove the presents from their den, but pause. There's a card made out of actual cardboard at the back.

[Which presents are opened first?]

>>220528
dice+1d4
Look at the card first, though.

Rolled 2 (1d4)

>>220536
Woops

cutting it here tonight for sleep. This thread will resume earlyish tomorrow, take a break until about 1 pst and then keep going hopefully.

T H A N K S F O R P L A Y I N G

>>220551
what time?

>>220551
Nice resurrection. Not without bumps, but smooth enough.

oh cool, this finally restarted. Hopefully Moirai wakes up soon

>waiting patiently bump

>>221203
im aswaken now you ll kept me up psat 1 whenn i rpefer to be nin deb by ten

psot comin soon

>>221329
I literally have no idea what you just said

>>220539
>>220536
>>220528

You carefully set your other presents on the sidewalk and reach forth into the mailbox, fingers groping in the dark.

The card is... rough, but you guess it says a lot that AA sent you something at all.

HEY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I KNOW I'M TECHNICALLY THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FABULOUS NEW ARM, BUT I GOT YOU SOMETHING ELSE ANYWAY.

I'LL JUST GIVE IT TO YOU THE NEXT TIME WE MEET IN PERSON I GUESS.

ALSO PESTER ME WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHANCE. I'M NOT GOING TO WANT TO BRING SOMETHING UP BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT FOR REASONS.

THAT'S ALL

AA

[1/2]

>>221329
Wow ok
well good morning

>>221409
Haha. What a softie. Deliberately writing the same way as her broken capslock key makes her type.

You decide to open your second present before engaging your DAD in STRIFE. You're pretty sure you know exactly what it's going to be though.

Actually, on second thought, it looks a bit slim for a self-help book.

You push the orange package on one of your knees to push the book up and out. Not having both arms is something you're used to.

Huh. It's not a self-help book at all.

It's a copy of Mein Kampf.

Well.

You resolve to at least read his justification.

Hallo Friend and Happy Birth-Day. I Gift to You this copy of a Most Valuable Book to me. I Once Liked Self Help Books but This has shown Me that true Help For The Self must come from Within The Self.

As I Gather a Widely Despised Ideology is Espoused Herein, I Now also Gift to You a CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.

How ironic is he? You just don't know. Another CAPTCHA CARD is much appreciated though.

You carefully stack your remaining presents and carry them back up to your room.

You have a chum to pester, a DAD to STRIFE, and a game to play.

>>221502
Fight Dad
Pester Chum
Play Game
in that order

>>221525
seconded

>>221502
LOL Did not one process that she just got Mein Kampf as a present?

>>221631
Each of the kids is based on an internet archetype. Using Mein Kampf serves three purposes for me: characterization of both naturalDaybreak and Abby, representation of an internet subculture (as all these kids will of course represent one) and thirdly allowing me to feel out my readership so that I know which IDs are stormfags and deserve to be disregarded.

>>221647
OK yeah had a feeling that were this was going.
So we have the Tumblr, 4chan, and Stormfront.
i wonder what the 4th kid is based on.

>>221664
reddit

>>221664
Lesswrong becomes much more interesting in a setting where basilisks are a valid concern.

>>221380
I'm awake now. You all kept me up past 1 when I prefer to be in bed by ten.

Post coming soon.

>>221692
Going into this setting without prior knowledge is like trying to make sense out of a surrealist painting out of Dalí's own hands. I love it.

also
>>221525
this

imōto has graduation stuff- thread on hold till a bit after 1300 PST.

>>221890
Wow your such a good big bro
Have fun

>>221976
>>221890
Just dont have sex with her

You re-enter your house, presents in hand, and return to your room. You'll want to have both arms on hand (hehe) before you STRIFE with Dad.

Seriously though he is a powerful opponent and not to be underestimated. His MANGRIT is through the roof, and his GUARDIAN RUBRICS are pretty ridiculous.

You arm yourself, depositing the remaining presents on your bed, and head downstairs, where your FATHER awaits.
===>

You ready your tomekind, and your father lights the candles of his current cake.

S T R I F E

> Aggress:
You lunge forward, swiping your tome downward with both hands in what would be a no-doubt devastating blow-
Except your father AUTO-PASTRIES the strike leaving you just kind of standing there.

> Aggress:
You shuffle forward, holding your copy of Infinite Jest downward in a feint to distract from your fistkind attack.
It's no use. He somehow produces another pastry from beneath the first and you perform a 2x cakehit combo.

> Abjure:
You stammer excuses: You haven't had time to learn tomekind - you're not quite up to speed with your new arm - it's your birthday so he should let you win. Your DAD says not a word, but you can see the stern fatherly disapproval in his face.

Alright.

>>223294
> Abscond:
You cannot flee! This pesky guardian figure is blocking your path. You will need to engineer some kind of DISTRACTION to escape.

Your DEWEYDECIMODUS currently contains the following THREE ITEMS in its four cards/slots:
1x CAPTCHA CARD
1x MEIN KAMPF COPY
1x DEWEY DECIMALICTIONARY

The FOURTH card/slot is empty.

What will you do? [write-in]

>>223340
select DEWEY DECIMALICTIONARY and ask DAD for help in understanding it.

>>223340
Equip your newly acquired MEIN KAMPF COPY TOME, to match your father's skill with OVENS.

>>223356
025.431 summons forth the daunting volume. Why didn't you equip this to your tomekind specibus?

Because it is boring as fuck.

Anyway you ask your DAD for help categorizing some stuff. He ushers you over to the kitchen table and bids you to sit before returning with a plated slice of cake, a fork, and a glass of cold water, which he sets down.

The two of you pore over pages seeking answers, and it is only later, when you have returned upstairs with your brand-new MIME MODUS, a full stomach, and your father's silent yet supportive guidance that you realize that you got hardcore DOTESMITED upon.

Welp.

>>223391
MIME MODUS? Dreams do come true.
Accept defeat and try out the new modus.

>>223391
If such a metafictional construct as a PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT were to exist, your FATHER most certainly would have it.

It seems your chum doxologicAeronaut is pestering you.

AA also told you to message her on her cardboard card. What do?

>>223403
Let's sneak up to our room and pester AA.

>>223403
Don't keep your chum waiting.
Pester doxologicAeronaut.

>>223418
Seconding

>>223418
>>223441

-doxologicAeronaut is now pestering anaphoricDilettante-

DA: happy birthday
DA: i hope you like your present
DA: if you don't thats okay too
AD: let me guess. yours is the gold one?
DA: oh. i should have wrapped it in something else.
AD: (I haven't opened it yet)
DA: thats okay
DA: its not much anyway
DA: sorry
AD: (no its fine really)

> Abby: Open golden folio.
You unwrap the package. Inside is a carefully made card. You open the card, and a complicated network of paper levers, strips, and gears unfurls, blossoming open. When the card is fully open, the words Happy Birthday suddenly become apparent.

You open and close the card again, delighted by its mechanical intricacy. Your doing so rips a strip of paper.

AD: you made this?
DA: i had a little help
DA: oh but be careful
DA: if you open it too far it'll rip

>>223538
You goofed. Set about repairing the card at once.
Meanwhile inquire about how to make repairs, if -theoretically- the card were to rip.

>>223538
AD: well I'll be sure not to do that then
AD: you up for some SBURB later?
DA: i hope so
AD: um hypothetically
AD: (theoretically I mean)
DA: you broke it didn't you
DA: its fine
DA: it was paper anyway
DA: it would never have lasted
DA: it lacked any kind of worth anyways

um okay then.

>>223580
AD: so um hows that flight training going?
DA: oh its going alright
DA: working on my vfr cert.
AD: really?
DA: its going to suck given my condition
DA: but well its something to strive towards

>>223580
Quick, let's pester AA then play some sburb.

Alright.

-anaphoricDilettante (that's you) is now pestering anonymousAlias-


AA: WHY DO I EVEN HANG OUT WITH YOU
AD: nice to talk to u too
AA: AUGH
AA: ANYWAY
AA: THAT STUFF I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT
AA: I WAS DRUNK.
AD: I think that was pretty obvious desu
AA: NO SHIT
AA: SO
AA: I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL NN
AA: OR ANYONE ACTUALLY
AA: EVER
AA: I MEAN I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T
AA: YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND EVEN IF YOU FUCK UP MY CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS
AA: BUT
AD: yeah I get it
AD: nn will never know.
AA: ALRIGHT THAT'S ALL THANKS
AA: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

> Lucy: Remember SYLLADEX

AD: can u help me w/ sylladex allocation?
AA: JUST ALLOCATE ARMKIND
AA: YOU HAVE AN ARM
AA: I'M THE ONE WHO ASKED HER TO SEND IT TO YOU
AA: SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AA: BUT YOUR REAL PRESENT SHOULD GET TO YOU SHORTLY
AA: OH SHIT BYE GOTTA DO SOMETHING

-AA has LOGGED THE FUCK OFF, BITCHES-

>>223652
Who is Lucy? You should use that captcha card, Abby.

>>223671
Yeah AA calls you that sometimes.
Who knows why. Weird, huh?

As for the CAPTCHA CARD, you spend some time trying to mime the action of captchaloguing but fail completely. You have no idea where the DEWEY DECIMODUS would class such a METACONSTRUCT, and you don't really want to find ouy

>>223685
All this is too confusing or you. Let's calm down with some sburb. Maybe DA will play?

>>223685
Open the remaining presents.
The teal and green ones remain, yes?
I vote teal. so are there two NDs?

imouto-chan has more grad stuff tonight, so be forewarned: I may disappear.

>>223722
yep. totally not because I made a typo oh no

>>223723
Just checking, famalam.

>>220012
If this is actually hussie I applaud you.
Maybe he could actually write what he wanted homestuck to be instead of the ruined-by-tumblrfags version that it is now.

>>223685
Are we using the mime modus or dewey decimodus?

>>224045
who the fuck is andrew hussie

alright it is late. Thread will resume when I wake up tomorrow and should go for a couple hours then at least - imouto has a lot of grad stuff going on. grad ceremony proper is afternoon, but evening I should be back.

>patiently waiting bump

Also, good stuff OP.

I've been refreshing this thread for hours now

Moirai pls come back to us

>>224324
> Moira: attend grad ceremony

>>223722
You do have two presents left.

> Abby: Open small teal package.
ND (neuralDilemma) already sent you a new arm, but you certainly wouldn't mind a battery pack or something for it.

You peel the wrapping paper back to reveal a small arm attachment and accompanying letter.

so I meant to make you a battery/
but I kinda got carried away, haha/
anyway this is a really cool thing regardless/
even if it is not a battery/
[it is not a battery]/
[it is actually kind of the opposite of a battery]/
so yeah if you put this thing on your arm it'll burn the rest of the battery/
but it's like a temporary upgrade. maybe it'll help against your dad?/
happy birthday/
nd

>>227577
ooh! the other present can wait, lets go assert our dominance over the father with this new device.

>>227640
Seconded.

>>227640
>>227751
SBURB is coming out soon enough that you don't think you have time for another round.

> Abby: Open NN's present.
You strip the wrappings from the deep green package, revealing an arcane scroll.

> Abby: Unfurl scroll
You settle for only unfurling the first bit; it's pretty long. You can't read the esoteric runes written within. Yep this is pretty clearly NN's alright. Two small notes fall out:

Note 1:
I present this to you on this, the fifteenth anniversary of your birth; a boon granted in light of our friendship. Should you wish to remove some offending party from your life I have taken the liberty of composing for you the majority of this curse. Simply smear blood taken from the intended in the demarcated portions I have marked with an A before sealing with the enclosed wax, stamp, and candle. To activate, burn.

Note 2: Be sure to burn in a flame not produced by the aforementioned accompanying candle; I have accounted for others attempting to turn this curse against you.

>>228398
Carefully store away the entire scroll package and then make sure your chums are ready to play SBURB.

>>228513
Your room is pretty bare. Where would you store the scroll away? You answer the metaquestion by lifting your mattress to reveal a recessed space where you keep all your junk.

You don't mean junk as in trash, although your trash receptacle is neatly situated in one corner of the submatress compartment. You mean junk as in stuff. NN's scroll goes into a corner. It probably wouldn't do anything but you would absolutely hate for something that she put so much work into to fall into the wrong hands.

That would be pretty terrible, wouldn't you think?

>>228513
You aren't quite sure what to think about her magic. You aren't a capital-A atheist, more like an agnostic - not like neuralDilemma, who is pretty much as much as a humanist as it is possible to be - but you really don't think magic exists. Why would it?

So the scroll goes under your bed.
-anaphoricDilettante (That's you) is pestering

File: JohnCrop.png (2 KB, 163x167)

2 KB PNG

Since you all get a plug in not-HSG, I get a plug for my thing as well: CrimsonPrinting.tumblr.com

>>228936
Who to pester? Maybe see if AA is over their hangover?

>>229039
-anaphoricDilettante (that’s you, Abby) is now pestering anonymousAlias (your angry redhead friend with the broken capslock, just in case you somehow forgot her after knowing her for years like some kind of pisswizzard)(accursed subject ambiguity! You don’t mean knowing her for years makes you into a pisswizzard though she has several eventually plot-relevant fetishes)(and is very willing to talk about them loudly when drunk)!-
AD: ready to play?
AA: FUCKING FINALLY
AA: YOU KNOW I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
AA: AND THAT I’D HAVE TO COME OVER AND BURY YOUR BODY AND STEAL YOUR COMPUTER AND USE BOTH TO JUST PLAY THIS GAME MYSELF
AA: SERIOUS QUESTION DOES THIS GAME EVEN HAVE A SINGLEPLAYER MODE?
AD: probably not. hussie made such a big deal out of cooperation.
AA: ALRIGHT BIRTHDAY GIRL

[metapost]
imouto done did herself a graduation. we were all very proud of her - we being the flock of relatives who consequently descended on the house and stopped me from getting very much writing done.

Tomorrow I am going to spend at least part of with my little cousins before they fly back out of state - rest assured after that we should be back to beginning-of-thread speed.

>>228981
If I ever need something 3d printed I will ask you, anon.

>>229161
Please do. Doesn't even have to be HS related, I'm just starting off with these. I usually hang out in not-HSG and you can contact me through the form on the link; you can put a fake email in if you give me some other form of contact as well.

>>229141
AA: LET'S FUCKING GO

> Abby: Load SBURB beta.
You click the link. The SBURB spirograph spins on your screen -

>>231761
Oh boy oh boy

[metapost]

relatives left and I spent most of the rest of the day cleaning house. turning in early tonight; expect me to be on pretty much all day tomorrow.

T H A N K S F O R P L A Y I N G

>>232710
Tomorrow's my only off day, will be there.

-Dun

>patiently waiting bump

>>231761
- and that's it. The game is apparently installed.

You will eventually come to understand that this is because the installation itself is a mere formality; SBURB Is Already Here. When you clicked that link you sealed absolutely nobody's fate, you will tell yourself.

Whose fault was it?
The Mage, no more than a puppet of fate?
The Prince, who strove for victory your session could never provide?
The Knight, whose plan might have worked if only you'd listened?
The Witch, who arguably foresaw all of this but did nothing?
The Rogue, who only did what he thought was right?

>>233939
You can't in good conscience blame any of them.

Eventually you will conclude that none of this was your fault, that the forces far beyond your control which had taken advantage of your infertile session had swept the chessboard bare.

What kind of a game? The only game there is, of course. Prospit and Derse, Skaia and the Noble Circle, Space and Time.

It's just that your session was (you'll stick with the past tense here, because you don't want to even try to parse that nonsense anymore) fought on a different axis - between, primarily, a Mother and a Doctor.

oh go foreshadowing
also nice reference to lord english

>>233966
-anaphoricDilettante is (still) pestering anonymousAlias!-

AD: =/
AA: WHAT
AA: CUT THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE EQUALSSLASH FACES, ABBYGATOR
AD: well is the game working for you then?
AD: absolutely nothing happened for me
AA: MY INSTALL JUST FINISHED. A WINDOW CAME UP AND ITS STILL LOADING THAT
AA: SERVER AND CLIENT WILL HAVE DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING OBVIOUS. I MEAN LOOK AT THE NAMES.
AD: yeah I know
AD: just kinda bummed is all
AA: ALRIGHT IT'S DONE
AA: GUESS WHAT I SEE

[guess what AA sees]

>>233991
A guy baking too many cakes.

>>233991
...abby?

>>234021
AD: HOLY FUCKING TABERNACLE THAT’S A LOT OF CAKE
AD: AND A PRIME SLAB OF HUNK RUMP
AA: =/
AD: YOUR EQUALSSLASH FACE CAN GO FUCK RIGHT OFF TO IDK THE EDGE OF THE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING
AD: I AM DISTRACTED
AD: LET ME JUST ZOOM IN
-AD has sent delicious.jpg to AA-
AA: ew ew ew
AA: no thanks
AD: BUT LOOK THOUGH
AD: WOULDN’T YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF THAT ABBYGATOR
AA: dad is not for lewd
AD: WELL HE HAD YOU SO
AD:
AA:
AA: please never say anything ever again.
AD: WELL ANYWAY TONGUESLIP ASIDE
AD: I HAVE A SIMS STYLE INTERFACE THAT LETS ME PEER INTO YOUR HOUSE
AD: MAYBE IT’S SOME KIND OF INGRESSESQUE VR THING? EXCEPT NOT TERRIBLE?
AA: perhaps?
AD: OH SHIT MY CAT JUST KNOCKED SOMETHING OVER
AD: BEE ARE BEE, AS THEY SAY

>>234082
wasnt AA the shouty one?

>>234130
[Shh don't make OP sad]
>>234082
What did AA knock over?

===>
Earlier, but not much earlier:

A young girl WHO TYPES LIKE THIS stands in a completely dark room.

What is her name?

>>234135
[jegus fuck]
[I wrote that out twice - first post I composed got eaten]
[yep AA is shouty]

>>234138
Corinne Lacina

>>234142
Anon Y Mous

>>234138
Let's give her a pretentious name that she'd probably hate.
Kathyrn Strange

>>234144
IS THAT EVEN A NAME?
[first names have four letters, last names have two syllables]

>>234146
THAT'S ALREADY MY CHUMHANDLE DICKNOSE

>>234147
FUCK YOU

>>234156
Corn Lactose

>>234156
Jeanette Lewis.

>>234169
(Jean) Lewis

>>234169
DID YOU NOT READ A SINGLE WORD I SAID YOU TRUCULENT NIGGARDLY BITCH?

>>234158
I'M NOT GOING TO DIGNIFY THIS WITH A RESPONSE

>>234179
THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING VANILLA NAME.
AT LEAST IT'S NOT ACTIVELY TERRIBLE THOUGH

>>234199
FUCKING.
ZOEY MARTIN.
DO YOU WANT IT TO BE IN LATIN TOO?

>>234199
would you prefer nidd hogger?

>>234203
NORSE MYTH IS METAL AS FUCK BUT YOU DETEST THE WAY STORMFAG NEETS HAVE COOPTED IT (YOU YOURSELF ARE A NEET BUT YOU HAVE STANDARDS)

ALSO HOGGER IS FUCKING STUPID YOU ASSHOLISH IMBECILE.

>>234201
ZOEY? ZOEY IS THE CLASSIC FUCKING TRANS GIRL NAME AND WHILE YOU HAVE NOTHING AGAINST CUTE TRAPS YOU WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE MISTAKEN FOR ONE.

HOWEVER YOUR DESIRE FOR CUTE TRAPS HAS GOTTEN YOU AN ENTIRE OTHER SET OF PROBLEMS YOU PRETTY MUCH REFUSE TO TALK OR THINK ABOUT EVER.

>>234199
Kate Lawson

>>234214
EH. LAWSON AND CAIMAN ARE A BIT CLOSE.
DID YOU WAY CAIMAN YOU MEANT CAYMAN

NO YOU MEANT CAIMAN AS IN ALLIGATOR WHICH IS WHY YOU CALLED HER ABBYGATOR EARLIER

YOU'RE SUCH A SPERG SOMETIMES

>>234213
Sara Robin
Kill me.

>>234223
KATE HAMPTON

>>234158
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK. THIS IS BULLSHIT
[hey you]
WHAT
STAY OUT OF THE STORY
YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE ORANGE MAN, VAGINAEAR
[your name is corn lactose now]

>>234240
Ah yes. Your name is CORN LACTOSE, though you go by Cora Lascina because holy fuck you hate your name.

You hate a lot of things.

>>234243
> WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE ORANGE MAN
W-what Orange Man?

>>234243
some guy named hussie wrote a webcomic a while back

he self-inserted a bit too hard

>>234259
There gonna be an actual quest or is this now Homestuck General?

Also, I wanna be the Mage. You have a tome, shit, that's par for the course.

>>234265
YOU ARE THE MAGE. CORN LACTOSE IS THE MAGE.

[relax friendo I'm typing up a post right now]

so whats AA's modus and specibi?

You’re standing (or sitting?) in your darkened room. The only source of light is your laptop screen.
Anyway your own server player is connecting.
What? SBURB just released, and Abby’s busy STRIFEing her DAD. It’s her birthday, and you think you’ll be better able to guide her if you already know about the game. Obviously.
You don’t intend to tell her this but it’s her birthday and you want your friend to be happy. Yeah. That’s the only reason.

> Corn: Provide exposition on server player.
Well ND is a pain in the ass, ND is weird, and DA probably needs some time to decompress. AD is going to be your player – so you pretty much had to have NN as your server. You mean there just weren’t a lot of options is all.
Yeah.
If you’re honest with yourself (you’re not) you’d admit you have a thing for NN. It’s fucking 4chan’s fault, though: You started out with the YAOIS and progressed to TRAP STUFF and now you spend most of your time interacting with her thinking about how SISTERS (which she once described you as) DON’T um do anything but have close fulfilling completely non-sexual relationships.

Whew.

>>234321
fucking name yourself you neet looking freak.

>>234331
>Your name is CORN LACTOSE
>though you go by Cora Lascina

File: whosthisassclown.png (5 KB, 180x256)

5 KB PNG

>>234331
Your name, loathe though you are to admit it, is CORN LACTOSE. It's carved into your placronym and everything.

You go by Cora Lascina when you talk to people though.

oh right physical appearance abstract medium blah blah.

You have short red hair and are wearing your worn pea-green sweater and not much else.

You guess an image would work too.

>>234343
file name says it all. Continue with what you were doing, helping the other player...

Or have you done this before?

wait a sec, are there 2 ND's?

>>234348
I've counted AD, AA, ND, NN, and DA, myself.
although op does typo alot, don't hurt me pls

>>234343
-negativeNominist is now pestering anonymousAlias-
NN: Hello.
AA: HEY
NN: so why didst thou contact me?
AA: SBURB COMES OUT TODAY
AA: WANT TO PLAY?
NN: Certainly; It is Abby’s birthday to-day though {I think}
NN: Playing wyth her would no doubt make up for not getting her a present
NN: Should you wish your friendship to remain intact I would suggest you play with her; in lieu of a gift mayhaps bonds may be strengthened.
fuck fuck fuckity fuck
[what will you say?]

>>234348
Yep. You think having two friends with similar handle acronyms is a pain in the ass but you can't really ask them to change. There are only so many letters in the alphabet after all.

>>234347
You haven't. You don't understand why you would; sburb is just coming out.
:)

>>234363
Dun here.

Is Cora saying fuck fuck fuckity fuck or is NN saying fuck fuck fuckity fuck?

>>234394
I think Cora, either way, go play with Birthday person.

lets fuckin' go

>>234401
Let's fuck fuck fuckity fucking go.

>>234363
[there is a reason I cut away. don't worry anons]

AA: OF COURSE I GOT HER A PRESENT

(You got ND to make her the arm a while back, you mean. you didn't get her an actual present but well you're not going to admit that)

AA: I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO PLAY WITH ME IS ALL
AA: NEVER MIND

-AA (that's you!) has left the conversation-

Is she insulted? You don't care. Okay maybe you do care, a lot, but that isn't something you'd express.

She drops a bunch of machines in your driveway, and you prepare to ask her about them but

-your chum anaphoricDilettante is pestering you-

so you proceed to have a conversation that you have already had about entry.

Your cat, roxy, knocks over something in the dark; there is a sound like the crash of a wave.

>>234445
Roxkit you adorable alcoholic you.

Inspect the mess.

>>234445
Explore the noise. Explore the house. Get the fuck out of your room you lazy little shit, don't make our mistakes.

>>234476
AD: perhaps?
AA: OH SHIT MY CAT JUST KNOCKED SOMETHING OVER
AA: BEE ARE BEE, AS THEY SAY

Fucking Roxy, always tipping stuff over. You love her unabashedly. You cannot INSPECT the mess because you can't see anything because your room is dark because you still have a hangover, remember?

AA: ALRIGHT
AA: CAN'T HAVE BEEN THAT IMPORTANT ANYWAY
AD: please stop perving on my dad and play this game
AA: OF COURSE

You reluctantly scroll away from her DAD's perfectly-shaped butt and up into the bathroom, where you accidentally throw a bathtub through a wall. fuck.

You drop the TOTEM LATHE right in all that nice empty space her room provides, the ALCHEMITER in her living room, and the CRUXSTRUDER so that it covers up the place where the bathtub isn't.

>>234508
> Be Abby.

AD: Cora if you disturbed my father's tablestickball game there is going to be hell to pay
AD: Cora what was that noise I heard
AD: cora what is this in my room
AD: it is not a good birthday present

You quickly captchalogue the TOTEM LATHE and take a moment to be surprised that your modus can hold such a large object before remembering that Cora is probably wrecking your house.

So now what? What do you fucking do with all this machine stuff?

>>234525
Inspect the fuck out of everything.

What do we have in our room again?

>>234525
Lets check on what cora did later

>>234829
[hehehe]
"what cora did later"
> Be future Cora

You have a USB in one hand.

You prepare mentally. The physical actions themselves feel almost meaningless. Time travel happens when it has happened; you did not see it and so it did not happen.

You are very tired but you know what you must do.

>>234881
[how much of this do you have planned out OP?]
be Abby again.

>>234881
Not that far op
I want to see how hard corn managed to fuck up our house

>>234525
> Abby: Leave room.
Your room is pretty spartan. You have a mattress on the floor with blankets, a desk, a window, four walls, a ceiling, floor and door. You keep it empty in keeping with your AESTHETIC.
You walk into the hallway. There is a BATHTUB on the floor, and a REFRIGERATOR placed against the wall for some reason, most likely to block a hole in the wall between your BATHROOM and the hallway.

WATER flows out from underneath the REFRIGERATOR, confirming your suspicions.

>>235072
Try captchalogue-ing the fridge and tub. Check on your father.

>>235099
You successfully captcha the BATHTUB but leave the FRIDGE, since you doubt your DAD would be pleased to see a hole in the wall.

DAD seems to still be in the kitchen, baking up a storm.

> Abby: Enter bathroom.
You consider using the bathroom and open the door to assess the damage.

There is a giant hole in the floor where the BATHTUB was; over the hole is a giant machine. Wait shit Cora can see you. Normally this wouldn't be an issue but last night you learned she was into girls soooo

you don't think you'll be using the bathroom anytime soon. Cora is your friend but she was ogling your dad pretty hard there; who's to say that'd be the end of it?

There's a wheel on the machine. You twist it, but it looks like it needs a little something to get moving.

>>235823
Convert the machine into an idol for the SBURB gods.
Alternatively, ask Cora what the machines do.

>>235853
-AA pestering AD (you know the drill)-
AD: What do these machines do?
AA: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW
AA: THEY'RE JUST SITTING IN MY HOUSE TAKING UP SPACE
AA: A;SDKJF;KJGGOIPEIVNAPNIWOPIDVNID
AA: HIT THE CRUXTRUDER WITH SOMETHING
AA: THROW SOMETHING IN
AA: USE THE CARD WITH THE LATHE AND PUT THE RESULT IN THE ALCHEMITER
AA: AND THEN DO WHATEVER
AA: I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO DO NOW
AA: BYE

>>235878
Figure out which machine is which.
Perhaps try captchaloging them?

>>235893
You use your tomekind to STRIFE the machine before you and try to spin the wheel.

-negativeNominalist is pestering you-

The notification arrives and startles you just as you are spinning the wheel, so when the KERNELSPRITE emerges, a CRUXITE DOWEL shoots forth and automatically prototypes itself. A timer begins to tick (6:03).

Far overhead: lines of light trace shifting patterns on the sky. A portal expands and begins to spin.

>>235999
ITS HAPPENING

PANIC AND ACCIDENTALLY EJECT YOUR CAPTCHALOGUE THROWING ALL THE SHIT AT THE KERNEL

>>236035
You currently have a BATHTUB, a DEWEY DECIMALICTIONARY, a copy of MEIN KAMPF, and a CAPTCHA CARD in your SYLLADEX.

You don't have any reason to panic.

>>235999
prototype mein kampf
Tell your dad that you have a new oven timer.

>>236055
Examine sky for portal [if litteral] THEN have a reason to panic.

Also, prototype the Bathtub WITH Mein Kampf

>>236060
>>236067
Having equipped MEIN KAMPF to your tomekind, you smack the CRUXSPRITE.

Thankfully, nothing happens. You realize that you might have prototyped MEIN KAMPF if you were unlucky and a shiver of horror runs over you.

That would have been absolutely terrible. Can you even imagine?

File: Spoiler Image (1.31 MB, 1400x1700)

1.31 MB JPG

>>236140
I can.

It would have been glorious

>>236140
Prototype CRUXSPRITE with the MIME MODUS to create CRIMESPRITE.

>>236161
An excellent idea. You deploy the TOTEM LATHE, deequip your MIME MODUS and throw it into the KERNELSPRITE, which flashes black and white.

You now have a sneaky silent mimeman wearing a domino mask. CRIMESPRITE. He looks like quite the scoundrel. She. well they? nah not plural. Your possibly gender-neutral mime looks like a sneaky fucker.

CRIMESPRITE performs a scooping gesture, and your BATHTUB leaves your modus and appears in its hands.

>>236169
Ask CRIMESPRITE what you should be doing.
Consider getting it some paper and a pen.

>>236200
Give the son of a bitch a pen and paper and ask him what the fuck now?

>>236169
I suppose the sprites proper name would be CRIMEMODUXSPRITE or something like that.

>>236140
captchalogue CRIMESPRITE , we wouldnt want to lose him/her/they/it

>>236200
>>236280
CRIMESPRITE is a MIME and as such eschews inferior forms of communication!

CRIMESPRITE performs a series of increasingly complex gestures before pulling your TOTEM LATHE out of your SYLLADEX. There is a PRE-PUNCHED CARD on the floor.

Your SPRITE tells you (through masterful gesticulations) that the PREPUNCHED CARD, another CRUXITE DOWEL, and the TOTEM LATHE need to be used and the result put into the ALCHEMITER.

You wonder for a second how you know such terminology then put it out of your mind. It's clearly just more meta bullshit.

>>237940
You suspect this would only lead CRIMESPRITE to withdraw itself from your SYLLADEX or something. Besides that would leave you out of room.

What do?

>>238111
Check the time on the cruxtruder.
Ask CS how to mime like the pros.

>>238111
Well, follow the sprite's advice. Start making the thingy!

>>238111
>>238125
Also this.

>>238122
5:13 remaining. CRIMESPRITE furtively glances about.

>>238125
You place the PREPUNCHED CARD into a slot on the TOTEM LATHE, which presumably carves NON-SEXUAL FETISHES.

You mean like wooden idols. NN would probably know exactly what you would have meant.

The TOTEM LATHE carves the CRUXITE DOWEL - in a manner presumably dictated by the PREPUNCHED CAPTCHA CARD. Simple enough.

You take the resulting CARVED CRUXITE DOWEL down into your LIVING ROOM where the ALCHEMITER awaits.

This is too easy. Prepare to be ambushed by Dad.

>>238142
Puzzle out what that arm upgrade do-dad does.

>>238142
>>238176
Why wouldn't it be easy, you wonder? The game is already wrecking your house.

Your DAD is staring at the machine, you think. His lack of visible eyes makes it kind of hard to tell.

You place the CARVED CRUXITE DOWEL on the approprate plinth of the ALCHEMITER. Arms extend and scan the object, and at a cost of 0 build grist (whatever that means), you create...

>>238204
... Well you aren't quite sure exactly what it is. It's white, just like the CRUXITE DOWEL was, and it's...
spherical.

You carefully pick the object up. It feels cold and heavy in your hand.

(Timer: 4:14)

Now what?

>>238218
The time is now, RE-STRIFE dad.

>>238232
Sure you guess. You drop the WHITE SPHERE on your dad's tablestickball table (tablestickballtable?) (you are untablestickballable to understand why you would say such a thing) and venture forth into the KITCHEN, where your DAD awaits.

The air is white with flour; you can barely see. You use your tomekind to attempt to clear some air and seek him out, but your father is

already behind you

and his arms wrap around you in a FIRM FATHERLY HUG. You feel a bit guilty but it's now or never you guess so you dedaptcha the chip into your arm and whip your fist straight for your DAD's head.

He ducks of course, but it's the closest you've ever come to hitting him.

>>238270
LOOK UP A GUIDE OR SOMETHING
HURRY THE FUCK UP

>>238289
Once you extricate yourself from your DAD's grasp, you proceed to waste a couple minutes on the internet. You check a bunch of guides, most of which seem untrustworthy and one of which is overly wordy.

You don't know what to do, and, it seems, neither does CRIMESPRITE.

The meteor draws closer. 2:20 remain on the CRUXTRUDER's timer. The cue ball awaits.

>>238755
Time to be the tablestick shark you were always meant to be. It might be a bit awkward to use the cue with one arm, though.

Use the tablestickball stick to knock the white ball in one of the tablestickballs ballholes.