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/qst/ - Quests

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A rather simplistic yet effective way to put it is saying that every person is two at the same time; the concious part, and the subconcious part. The subconcious, lacking a voice of it's own, has it's own means to let it's desires known.

A good example of this is pain. Whereas a primitive, often backfiring measure, it's vital proof that the body is an entity of it's own, defending itself against you.

One that, should one expect a long, peaceful life, should take the time to argue with.

Yet, what happens if we don't?

Welcome to Anon and waifus!
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For the new anons:

This is you. A woman the call Trash. Your feelings went numb nine years before meeting Snacks.

The two of you met each other at the cardboard restaurant you work in, and a week later you asked her out on a date after joining the Army, and then retiring by acting like a retard.

Snacks is a cute, shy girl whose hair is blonde like yours, yet big and messy like a golden cloud. She's extremely peaceful, and likes to wear two horns. Her nickname is your fault, because she cuts the leftovers from the restaurant into tiny pieces and feeds them to the staff as everyone works.

And after a ragnarok of a date, in which your dead, buried feelings made a comeback -after nearly raping her-, Snacks asked you to live with her.

Right now, though, you aren't. You are waling thorugh the empty docks behind the restaurant with the new blonde, a tall, black coated woman called Vaal, Who half a minute ago, just proved her acting skills might be something to swallow at.

Other than that, the whole world is sunk underwater, airships are houses, the restaurant is in a tiny island over a gigantic airship resting underwater, you can summon a giant pitchfork, spoon or knife, and niggers have jobs.
>and niggers have jobs.
What an age we live in
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You grimace towards the endless ocean. At your right, Vaal slowly tilts her body from side to side, and considering someone around you could be smarter than you makes you wary.

Smirking, you shrug the feeling aside. “When aircrafts, submarines, hybrids, hovercrafts, speeders, floaters, or floating idiots on a wooden plank come here, they will ring that thing over there.”

You point at the white box, as tall and wide as your legs; half a glass ball spawns from the top. They are in rows across the ledge of the docks, unevenly scattered. Vaal “hmms!”. You walk towards one, and just drop your hand on the ball without pushing.

“Did you hear that?” you ask the blonde. Her eyes are wide open, but then she stares at the floor, grinning.

“This may come out as a silly joke,” Vaal’s voice trembles, “but It sounded like it said “YEAH NIGGA, WE BUSY!” she ends the sentence in a shrill, high pitched note.

And you frown at her. “It’s what it says. Yet she wonders why this shithole falls apart.”

You touch the ball over and over, and soon you can hear “YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH” coming from the restaurant, followed by the unique sound of a dish shattering into ten million pieces and a loud “FUCK!”. Your oath fulfilled, you turn towards Vaal.

“Unless you have costumbers, drop everything you are doing to come here and greet the folks.” You explain, calmly. “If you have, there’s another one of these by the desk at the entrance. You touch it, and it tells the Umo to get to the docks.” Your eyes drift towards the sky, lost in the sea of memories. “Or you can just touch it every time. That’s what I did.”

You glance around; the docks are deserted. And Umo’s speeder is missing, so she must have left while you spent time with Vaal at the saloon.

“Soooo….!” You start, looking elsewhere as you walk towards Vaal. “Who are you?”

She strike a humble pose, by hiding her hands behind her back and bending backwards slightly. “I’m Vaal. A pokemon trainer!”

“A what now?” you wonder, blinking as you do. Vaal gives you one of those fake, mischievous giggles the bad guys pulled at the kids movies.

“You don’t know what Pokemon is? Where have you been?!”

“Enna’s domain.” You state, then nod. “Until it sank, of course. What about you?”

“Why do you care?” she asks, softly, facing the ocean yet side-glancing towards you.

You shrug. “Just hoping you aren’t an Anything, that’s all.”

She fakes a “hmp!”. “Maybe you should wait until we know each other a bit before being mean.”

You smile. “So, where are you from?”

“Your dreams.”

This isn’t working. Also it's so cold...!

Life n shit, resuming /shortly/ =I
Nigga, you telling me we could have summoned a giant spoon as we spooned Snacks, defusing the tension with a pun?!
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So, how about a little /intimidation/?

You sigh, closing your eyes, then open one as you lit your face with a slight smile. Vaal’s foot is goes up and down, like following some invisible music.
“Any questions?”

“Is that your girlfriend?”

“Why do you care?” you mimic her side-glance, getting the point across. She shrugs, smiling. “Alright, moving on.” You turn your back at her and walk, weary of her footsteps behind you. The docks lead to the warehouse, which in turn is just around the corner from one of the exists from the kitchen. The green, old door to the warehouse is already open. Suspiciously, you take a step inside; it’s dark, but you turn the small switch at your right on réflex.

Perfect. There’s no one here. You enter, and you turn to find a look of gleeful surprise under Vaal’s blonde hair.

“What am I going to learn here, I wonder?” she ponders, “innocently” shaking her head from side to side.

You clear your throat. “As you may have noticed already due to the fact that this is a warehouse, this is the warehouse. We ware houses here.” You nod, doing your best to seem seriously cornerned. “In any other restaurant, you would never have to come here, but this is the Great Lady and our boss gambles our salary.” Your eye twitches, on réflex. Seriously, Cross Boss. You raise both palms upwards. “Sometimes, our provider will come and ask if there’s something we are missing. The guys at the kitchen will usually tell you, but always make sure on your own. They never take the blame.” You from your eyebrows. “Never!”. You eyebros raise. “Now, out of here.”

You wait until Vaal turns around to /rush/ and /trip/ on a /completely real/ box of mayoiness sallets, landing on her back… then /accidentaly/ grab both her boobs on the way down, hanging on her back… she doesn’t even flinch. You grin to yourself as you rise, then spawn the Straight Face of Straightness.

“Sorry.” You deadpan, as if people drank wáter to live. “FIrst and foremost, don’t for-“

You are still talking as something from the nether drags you back, and you turn to face Vaal just as she slams you against the wall. Stuck by Vaal’s hand to your shoulders, the only thing that moves is the irises in your eyes, towards the green door slowly closing on it’s own. Slowly. Once the slight “clank” goes into history, they return towards Vaal.

She smiles. “So… you want to be mean to me.”
You blink, no words finding their way out. Her smile goes wicked.

“How about we get to know each other?”

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“How do you like your steaks, mom?” you dare, sharpening your stare.

She stops and blinks, then giggles to herself. You calmly open your mouth to talk again, but it’s promtly shut down by hers, just as she turns off the lights. You feel her hands on your cheeks. You feel her tongue slowly making it’s way in- Then everything stops, leaving you gasping, until shot you get dragged forward and something sharp slightly sinks in your neck. Your eyes go shot. Your breath leaves you. Too dizzy to even think, you try to put every new feeling in place but a new one always takes it’s place, and they start to pile up and you just… /give up/. A while goes on. One minute? Ten? …one hour? People often say how time flies, but for you, every second is too full of life. Everything stops, again, and you let your back slide towards the floor. As the light turns, you look upwards towards Vaal, gasping as well, but laughing while she does.

She opens the green door, your eyes dim towards the blinding light.

Her hair a bit messy, Vaal steps out.
Pretend like nothing happened while attempting to not think back to the incident with Vaal. Attempt to do our job correctly.
Are we her vampire thrall now? Is she going to make our peeps think we came onto her? She could use iur inate lewdness as a conceivable justification for these false allegations, turning Grace away from us and shutting us out of her life forever...
Thrown on the floor like an used ragdoll, your eye still twitches frantically over your little smile- whawhat the f-fuck has just happened? :D

After taking your time to aim with your feet towards the floor, you push yourself upwards along the wall.

Nothing. That's what happened.

You slide your hand across your neck, where Vaal bited you. No blood; just a slight cramp. It seems you won't be ripping himehorns apart anytime soon, at least for now.

You exit the warehouse keeping a hand over your dimmed eyes, and for one true second you really wonder if the sun is going to melt you, or turn you into stone. Nothing happens. As your eyes adjust to the light, you fail to find Vaal in the near proximity.

Well, she knows her job at least. You hope you don't to forget to tell her about the hidden ramp in the bathroom. For fucks sake, Cross Boss.

As you wander the saloon, you find Vaal at her post,the black desktop. She notices you, then gives you a childish smile as she waves at you.

It's sunday morning, so people will flow like water in, at most, half an hour. Today is going to be long.
Huh. Also, ow.
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Neck still half-asleep, your eye twitches again towards Vaal-

-your stare then lost between the sea of people rushing in. Great, sunday mornings. Just great.

“No g’mornin no nuthin, Trashy?” You sigh, then turn towards This Guys. “C’mon nigga, gimme some love.”

Blankly, you stretch both arms to the side and give This Guy a half-assed hug. After it’s done, he frowns his lips then tackles you from below, lifting your body like a doll as he hugs your stomach, spinning you in the air. The motion ends with you resting in his arms like a princess would, with people clapping all around you.

“People are very friendly with me, lately.” You declare, tired.

“Try the Umo.” This Guys deadpans, as people all around (Vaal among them) cheer. “250ml.”

“Half a liter.” You hazard, smirking as he crouches, leaving you standing. “I think I have a way.”

He just nods, and you watch him walk towards one of his tables.

“You know,” the Cross Boss starts, leaning on his shoulder towards the wall, her helmet at an uncomfortable angle, “you aren’t actually an Arma. Armas have GOG gas.”

Preah sobs slightly, then Pedro bounces from the wall up front the armored, first gen Arma and spits his cigarrette. The cross turns towards him.

“Wut chu gonna do, asshat?” the Cross Boss sings, her head still at an awkward angle.

Pedro clears his throat, as he chuckles both fists and neck. He takes a deep breath as he walks up to the gray, dense armor, who awaits him without flinching.

And once his mouth is barely scratching the side of her helmet, Pedro whispers. “Dubidubi da, dubidubi da, dubidubi ta, tum tum turum.”

“Dubidubi da, dubidubi da, dubidubi ta, tum tum turum.” Retorts the Cross Boss, undertoning.

Pedro nods. “Dubidubi da, dubidubi da, dubidubi ta, tum tum turum” he declares.

“Bar aba pum parata,bararaba, barabara” reveals the Cross Boss, tapping his finger against the wall.

You glance at Preah’s raised hand, as you bear witness to whatever the fuck is going on with these guys. Yet you quickly lose interest, and head for the kitchen to drop the dishes. A familiar golden cloud blossoms in your sight. Without even thinking about it, you bend over and kiss Snacks in the forehead. She shakes as she giggles, still chopping a steak in tiny pieces.
"Trash?" dropping the dishes in the white table, you raise your eyes at her. "I don't like calling you like that." She's still slicing what in a happier time may have been a cow, but here could easily be a dog.
"In that case, you can call me... Big Boss."
"You could always just call me how you think of me. Treasure?" you half jokingly suggest...
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"Weeeeeeell!" you get both hands at your nape, stretching your elbows behind your ears."You could always just call me how you think of me. Treasure?" you suggest, your eyes wandering elsewhere. Her giggle somehow makes you think of little puppies bouncing up and down.

"I think that would be too corny even for me. Wouldn't you agree?" she says, her face peaceful as the knife goes up and down.

You nod. "In that case, you can call me...Big Boss."

Snacks "hmms", longly, softly. You let your eyes wander, glancing at Preah chatting with a shaking Umo, the Arma slightly shaking her head as the himehorn bows hers. Her voice brings your eyes back. "How about "Bossy, then?"

Hmm, it makes sense. "Big Boss" is too long, and everyone calls the Cross Boss "Boss". It does have a childish ring to it, though.

"Um... Bossy?" she baptizes you. "If you aren't in a hurry, there's something I've been meaning to ask-"

"Manchild, look at me." The voice comes from below, and you doubt before looking down towards Umo. "You DID tell Vaal about the gym guys, right?"

Well, she didn't ask either.
Nope. Why should I?
Yeah, what's the deal? Did YOU tell her?!
You think it over for the best quarter of a second.
Then shrug. Umo stares at you, perhaps angry, perhaps defeated by the unpredictable tides of life. Well, perhaps both.

"Did /you/ tell her about it?" You face her, crossing your arms in your chest, and raising your chin to make her feel small.

Her fists ball up. "Was telling her part of my job?"

"Was it part of mine?"

"Did I tell you to do it? Yes. Did you forget? Yes! Will you go tell her?" her stream is cut short as Snacks slightly shaking hand reaches her mouth, a bit of steak in between three fingers of her glove; Umo glances at her, then opens her mouth and swallows the thing whole. Snacks, in turn, glances at you and nods quickly.
Well... I guess we should go do what Umo wants.
Give snacks two thumbs up
Only appropriate thing. Toss in a wink.
We are generous today.
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You give Snacks ye olde thumbe upes
along a wink,
and before she even has a chance to respond you walk past the Umo, straight towards the entry. You ignore the guy doing squats very right next to a family of four eating paella as you walk across the saloon, straight towards where Vaal is greeting six big, clearly ripped guys, all of them wearing sunglasses. She gives you a quizzical look as you walk near.

"Sweetheart," she says, sofly, "these gentlemen aren't looking for a table."

You walk straight past Vaal, and get between her and the guys.

"Heya." you blurt out, happily.

One of the big guys flashes a very white smile."Trashy, you got the entry again? Hell yes, my man!"

"Not exactly." you respond, shrugging. You turn lean towards Vaal. "I kinda forgot to mention it, since I figured out it should be obvious..."

Extending an open palm towards it, you present the restaurant to Vaal. "...but this is a gym-restaurant. That means, people come here to eat, and-"

"-lift." deadpans one of the big guys, engaging in a storm of hi fives.

Vaal tilts her head to the side. "I figured out those machines for decoration. I... did find it weird! At least!"

"I'm not surprised." Vaal tilts her head again, to the other side, as you talk. "This has to be the single most braindead, fuel-pumping anima-enhaced retarded idea you will ever, ever hear in your life... come to fruition." you deadpan those last words in dreadful, sacred fear. Almost with respect. "In her defense, the Boss is an Arma.... but, oh well."

You then point at the small black book the big guys are already scribbling on. "This is the accountance for the time at the gym. We charge per hour, so make sure to check in everyone and then make them sign on the way out. We charge them at the end of the month."

The big guys walk past you, some patting your head, others your shoulder, other the forehead, another your ass, and the one with glasses punches you in the arm, as you stare blankly at Vaal.

She smiles brightly; then her cheeks puff. Shortly, she's laughing her ass off, laying on the floor.
Fun fact; I tossed the wink before pl said so. Also, I forgot to quote this guy
in here.
Try to ignore the fact that we were just molested by Vaal and mention anything else she may need to know as well as adding some believe bullshit that will amuse us and could go on for months without someone bring it up to her that she's been had.

I'm no longer feeling comfortable calling a molester mom, but maybe that sparked bad memories of our youth with or actual (still possibly Vaal) mom.
oh yes this is back
someone got bac kat us damm
also check you quds mate looks like some one here has been doing some leg days.
say well there going to be doing this to you since your working he front have fun and since you wokr her i gusse you are a gym leader
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>as adding some believe bullshit that will amuse us and could go on for months without someone bring it up to her that she's been had.


>say well there going to be doing this to you since your working he front have fun and since you wokr her i gusse you are a gym leader

GUYS, sometimes I don't know what the fuck you're saying. Remember, english is my second language.

Furthermore, OP's brain has melted, and he's going to take one hell of a nap. Like, an eight hours nap.

However, and since this day is gonna be long, you'd rather make the best of it instead of smiling at retards until you get bored out of your mind. So, leave me some votes. You can fuck around with/ have an interesting conversation /spy on /whatever the fuck you could think of, with:
>Pedro ("Arma-Fucker", looks after Preah)
>Preah ("Fake" Arma, childish nature, actually kinda cool)
>Snacks (your own personal loveball)
>Marco, Carlos, and Bobo (the "harambe forever" squad.)
>This Guy (big afro, can't fuck with him)
>Cross Boss (your boss)
>Vaal (your mom (?))
>Umo ("trash, you have brain issues")

Or, you could call:
>Leaderhorn (your best friend ever, might be busy)
>Broken Horn Leader (runs the Himehorn Support Center, has told you several times to stop calling)
>Maki (your ex-roomate, a black-haired, /very/ foul mooded 22y/o girl. You wonder how she's doing)

And, yes, OP's brain has finally melted.
i was syaing to tell her not to rofl since there most liky going to be tuchign her as they come in now shes working the front deask
and sicne thye have to pay us/her t workout in the gym shes now a gym leader( pokemon)
man thats not a nap thats called sleep bro
4 hours is long nap
>Preah ("Fake" Arma, childish nature, actually kinda cool)
il like to tlak to her as il wont to know hows shes been going
You trying to make some story nig nog?!
I thought the goal was to become closer to Snacks in the confines of this fucked up, arma and umo riddled world!
Let's hang out and ask Snacks what she wanted to ask us!
Also, snarkily remark to the harambo squad,
"That damn dirty ape should've kept his paws off him."
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> implying I was gonna make it easy
What I meant was that we should tell her a lie about how things are run in the restaurant, that is believable. Like telling her that she must always whistle as many times as there are customer that come in so that the waiters know how many to serve or tell her she must always ask the customers if it's there birthday, and if so she must stop what she's doing to do a chicken dance.
Gimme a vote, you fuck!
Still not done suffering here-
>>Leaderhorn (your best friend ever, might be busy)
What kind of person is our best friend
>Leaderhorn (your best friend ever, might be busy)
OP wanted to run his silly little quest but life elbowed him in the balls. I'm barely thinking today.

SO; fill this shit with votes, I start tomorrow with a megapost, and tomorrow we run like Usain Bolt from his pregnant wife.

Fine, leaderhorn. But we still need to ask Snacks to finish what she was gonna tell us!
Nigga, vote for something else, Leaderhorn has 2 votes already and you got a whole day to fill in.
Guys, vote whatever the FUCK you want! It's not a "select from" kind of thing, gimme dat fuel plxktnks
Fine, lets look at the ceiling and THEN talk to Snacks and leaderhorn.

Nah, I'm fuckin.
We need to tease the Harambe squad with my earlier quote, pull a prank on someone, and get back to basics.

Nag nug, do we even lift?! Let's get jacked up with the gym bros. Amd to top it off, we need to dive through This Goy's afro.
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I'm going to sleep.
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Prank should be to fuck with Vaal some more. Tell her a couple lies and haze her.
tell ehr we can take her on a magic karp ride
Wake the fuck up!
cant wake up
Wake him up!
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OP writing megapost. Standby for cute girls.
Suuuuure you are... Just wake up OP
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Somehow, watching Vaal laugh so freely… makes you a bit happy, she looks so ridiculous! Yet, you get both hands to your waist and lean at her.
“Earth to Vaal, we are WORKING here! Don’t get fired on your first day.”
She stops immediately, and practically teleports to a standing stance… suddenly striking a fancy pose at you, closing her eyes and pointing her open palm towards the sky, like holding an invisible plate.
“My apologies!” Vaal utters, her hair flickering. “This is surely the work of an enemy Witch. I shall not falter!”
“An enemy Witch? What?”
She nods, way too sagely. Your eye twitches.
“Alright,” you continue, “just remember that besides being the recepcionist, you are the gym leader. Now, le-“
“Wha- what?!”
You tilt your head to the side, almost in disbelief, at the awestuck Vaal, whose eyes are somehow held togueter inside her head over her impossible stretched mouth.
“A-ALREADY? But, but… I only have one flimsy… squishy… Pikachu! It’s too soon! Too soon!” She grabs her blonde head with both hands… “What am I going to do…?!”
You grimace as you nod at her, then take your leave, hoping she’s just acting.

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After a while of serving dishes, smiling, and holding bars for a guy who wanted to try new weight, you allow yourself to be slightly less professional. Heading to the bathroom in order to lock yourself and read magazines, you catch Preah by the corner of your eye. She’s crouching, inside the staff room right next to the two bathrooms, with the door barely closed. You push it as you walk, staring at her.
“Heya.” You blurt out, in your usual, unintentional blackmail tone. Not startled, Preah turns her head towards you, dragging her long purple hair for a ride.
“Hi, Trash.” She says, neutrally. “Can you help me with something?”
Under the whole girlish mess of metal and black vinyl that’s her body, the Arma simply points towards her casual blue shoes… her shoe laces unleashed. As you look at her eyes, she gives you this warm, sad little smirk.
“Oh.” You blurt, as you crouch. “Sure.”
Preah doesn’t stand, as you tie her shoelaces with intent focus.
Whereas Armas seem adult at first glance, most have the mentality of a six years old kid. The fate of this world rests on the shoulders of their kin, since they are the most viable, and perhaps single, way of dealing with the They; the mechanical gargantuans that dwell underwater, by using their GOG gas. Armas are extremely expensive and risky to make; whereas four of five drops of anima are enough to run an anima suit for a few months, and an airship for a week, Armas are made by no less than two and a half /gallons/ of the thing. And, in order to make one, you need a whole live person with a good mind, who will lose all of it’s memories during the procedure. Some think that the brainwashing is a necessary measure after the heart-wrenching torture they endure during the operation.
Yet, regardless of her extremely powerful, dangerous nature, you finish tying her shoes.
“Thank you.” Preah seems a bit embarrassed.

“How have things been?”
“Things?” she mutters, looking elsewhere.
You nod. “I deserve some chit-chat after this. It’s common courtesy!”
“Oh, I see.” She “hmms”, longly. “Things have been nice! I like to work, work is fun. People are very kind lately, I think I’m getting good at this!”
“Good, good!” you nod heartily. “You still doing your thing with the PSP?”
“SHH!” before you notice, her hand is in your mouth. You wonder if your head will explode, yet you manage to laugh behind her black glove of a hand. She looks around, regardless of being in a small, confined place. “If there’s something you want.”
“Nut nuw.” You manage to mutter, before she let’s you breathe. “…I was just wondering, what are you doing with these guys? Why aren’t you in one of the big ships?”
Preah puffs her cheeks. “Because I wanna be with Pedro, of course!”
“The Arma-Fucker?” Your eyes widen. “Wait-“
She blinks. Then, it reaches her cog-powered brain. “No! Not like that! That’s just a mean joke from those… mean…. Meanies!”
“He teaches me things.”
“I see.”
“Good things” Preah declares, raising a finger. “Like talking with people, not talking with people, and telling Trash she’s cute.”
She nods. “He told to tell you that you are cute and nice, and to be very nice to you.”
…Guess the fucker is way more smart than you gave him credit for.
“Did Pedro tell you not to blurt your secret plans out loud?” you wonder.
You nod, firmly.
“He said that the broken horn Leader is looking for us,” she continues, “and that she’s very mean.”
That makes you slightly sad. The broken horn Leader is way nicer than /most/ people think.
“But that we are safe!” she states brightly. “We should… kind of get to work, right?”
You nod, yet again. “Yep. Let’s go.”

(Cont! Watching DotA!)
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“What? Really?”
You nod, firmly, and nod yet again for good measure. Vaal stares at you like she would stare a fish-headed muscleman flexing.
“As long as you don’t try to make sense out of it, or blame the consequences on the Cross Boss… /which is fair/… it’ll be just another duty.
Vaal just blinks at you, the two of you standing in front of her black desk, as people eat and laugh and squat in proper form all around you.
“Watch me.” You walk towards one of the big tables. A big family of seven eats their food all around it, while a small kid with a red, triangle hat with a pointy end waves his hands frantically at one of the ends. You wait until the chivalry –This Guy, Pedro, and Preah- walks over, bringing the cake, and two bottles of champagne.
Soon, everybody is singing.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to you!”
The kid screams and flails, like a retard on fire running on coffee instead of blood, as the whole family claps and cheers. Then you walk up to it, grab his confused little face between your bruised hands, and land a firm kiss on his tiny lips. Doing your very best not to think about the silence, you turn and walk towards Vaal. Her mouth is gaping.
“…So it was true?! This is what a gym leader does?! Kiss little kids?!”
It wasn’t. But you nod. Well, you owe the waiters a few drinks….
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You stare at the ceiling as Vaal kisses a haremhorn in the mouth. Briefly, you glance from the corner of your eye at the little white horned thing; who's just staring at her, perhaps coming to terms with the strange physicks of this strange world. It seems hard.

…From the other corner of your eye, though, you catch a glimpse of the guys, Marcos, Carlos, and Bobo, grabbing the next one’s asscheek in a perfect triangle, in perfect silence. You slowly turn your face towards them, dreading the realms of the unknown.

They don’t talk. They don’t move.

Suddenly considering the possibility of a secret ritual to be /quite/ tangible, you walk towards them.

“HEYA!” You blurt out loudly, happily. The three of them turn their faces at you and stare briefly, then return to their secret world. “You know, maybe if that damn ape…”

They nail their eyes at you, suddenly, and you stop talking out of sacred fear. Niggers are magical beings, and magic is one thing you’d very much rather stay as far away as you can. Yet, as you turn…


It’s Carlos voice. It’s usually SHAKING A-AND VERY LOUD, so the sudden calmness sends shivers down your spine straight to your ass. Yet, after some warming up, you manage a few words.

“W-what’s wrong guys? What’s going on?”

“Stay and watch.”

You dimly bear witness as an eerie fire sprouts amidst the ass-cheek grabbing circle. It grows by the second, brightly, brighter, suddenly shadowing the whole place behind the three guys. Panic ensues, people leave the tables and take the children, some scream in odd languages, some kneel and beg, as the muscleguys continue to lift and squat, and talk about protein-carbs ratio on meat-less diets. You knees lose strength and end up on the floor, as a mighty “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” rises from the very depths of Logic between the three guys, along unbearable light that makes you close your eyes and wish for a peaceful place.

Then, it ends. Shaking, you get on your feet. Carlos and Marcos jump and flail their arms around in childish joy, while Bobo, arms crossed, takes a deep breath that ends in a “DAMN STRAIGHT, NIGGA”. Stumbling, you walk towards them, and grimace almost in rage at the huge Morgan Freeman mask they summoned from the nethers.

Niggers are a force to behold. Even if Carlos is white.
Run to the buff bros and tell them whoever eats it in the next 5 seconds gets 10 times the gains of every workout session and the negro gods will gift them with a lifetime of oats.
Watch chaos ensue...
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In order to completely wipe out from your memory the most recent events, you delve in fitness mid-work. One of the gym guys, wearing your thighs and uniform, wanders around teaching people proper workout routines that balance muscle groups without the need of machines or complements. And up and down, up and down, you don’t want to think.

After the strong “clank!” of the bar hitting the support, you take your time to stretch all of your bones. Afterwards, you walk towards This Guy, who’s talking with the barman about the benefits of beating the shit out of living foals. Your jump ends on his head, your crotch straight in his face as you hold on to his afro for dear life.
“Trashy.” He states, bluntly. “I can’t drink like this.”
“I can’t hide in your hair, why can’t I hide in your hair?”
His nigger tone returns. “Cuz you a big ass motherfucker, now get the fuck off my face!”
“Oh, fuck you!”
Yet he complies, slowly bending on his knees. One near the ground, you grab onto his shoulders and just hop off him. Then he looks at the mirror, behind the barman’s long, black hair.
“I never said life was fair.” You state, feeling the wisdom flow through your veins.
This Guy slaps you slightly in the face and walks off. You turn towards the barman, smiling at her.
“I’m living with Snacks now!”
“That makes me so happy.” She decides, still cleaning a big mug. “Now go away.”
You comply.
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Suddenly, the best idea in fucking ever strikes you at once. Walking eagerly yet fast, you find the gym guys doing what gym guys do.
"GUYS, I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!" you start, almost in panic. "Whoever eats Nelson Mandela gets ten times the gains of every workout session and ENDLESS OATS, SEAS OF OATS GUYS."

They stop at once. One of them, however, clears his throat.

"If that is true, then why are you lending info for free?"

"Yeah, I call bullshit, Trashy!"

"No gains, Trash. No gains."

"Guys, I'm fucking serious, seriously!" You state, seriously... and it seems they took it seriously. It strikes you as odd, for a few seconds, just how frozen they look. Then you slowly, slowly turn...


It's like the whole universe is Nelson Mandela. Behind you, the muscleguys rise as one, dropping the bars, the bells, the machines... as you slowly step to the side, trying to make as little noise as humanly possible. Once at a fair distance, you swallow and focus on each step at a time, as chaos erupts like a concert of angry landmines and half the restaurant is set on blazing fire.

Ignoring the agonizing screams, and the moist sound of broken wood, you walk the aisle towards the kitchen; it's surprisingly deserted, but then again maybe it's lunch time.
One way or the other, you find Snacks cleaning her dish-dropping table from your side. Slightly startled, she turns toward you smiling, just as you gentle push her into the wall, and drown her confusion with your lips. At some point, her shaking hand found yours; and entangled her fingers, like grasping for dear life. It's like there's nothing around. Slowly, you drag yourself away from her, looking straight at Snack's brown, watery eyes.
"I love you." you decide.
As a long tears makes it's way across her cheek, Snacks is smiling.
"...I love you, too!"
Almost brutally, it's you now that's slammed against a wall and, for the second time today, kissed passionately. You both ignore the guy on fire who just smashed the main table, even as he stood to return to the fight, you two just stood like that. Pushing her gently, you feel your heart melting the brief second you stare at her confused eyes, but you push through.
"So!" you clear your throat, trying to seem like a real adult. "What did you wanted to talk about?"
You briefly notice she's still grabbing the collar of your uniform with both hands, as she stares at the floor."
"You know..." she starts, then looks up to you. "D-did you step on the remote?"
You blink a few times over, then smile. "Yeah!"
She "hmms", silently, then rewards you with a very sweet smile, that you bury on your chest.

Time, stop. Please, stop.


This is the third time in a row you got the numbers wrong. The damn "public" phone at the restaurant docks is just too damn small, likely for himehorns, most likely for Umo. Just as you seriously consider punching the little shit into work, you manage to hit the 3 with a nail. Yes!


"State your emergency."
"What's Leaderhorn's number?"
"Trash, please stop calling."
"It's an emergency!"
"You make it too eas-"

biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. You giggle like a kid with autism and a new megazord. Yet it takes you another while to nail the god damned numers right. Seriously, it's too small!


"You wouldn't believe the mess I've got to put up with! I told the haremhorns ten thousand times to NOT let the hornmothers play with the control board, but what do you know!" you hear a long, heavy "pffffffff..." from the other side of the line. "Where are you?"
"I'm feeling again."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm..." you swallow, suddenly crying happy tears. "I'm feeling again, Horny. Feeling as in, feeling."
The line goes dead for a few seconds.
"Trash, where are you?"
"I got a new friend!" you start, between giggles, as you swallow the tears. "She's so nice, you /have/ to meet her! I'm bringing her over!"
"If this is a joke, I'll swear a sacred oath to the Southern Witch Apostle that I'm kicking your ass so-"
"IT'S TRUE!" you sprout, laughing. "IT'S TRUE!"
The line goes, yet again, dead for a few seconds.
"...Trash, I'm coming over, where are you?"
"Don't tell the broken horn Leader and I tell you."
"The second. There's this restaurant, by the shore... it's a pile of shit. I've been working here for a while."
"I'm coming over."

Eleven years. You know the Leaderhorn far way better than you know yourself. She used to be as small as a chair. Now she looms over you with those ridiculously gigantic horns, that make her neck bend every time she forgets to crouch at a door.

You sigh, suddenly feeling scared. You swallow, now very scared... you met a girl, she made you feel again, and now she loves you. This... is just too good to be true.

>(yep, now you may make choices!)
>Introduce Snacks to Leaderhorn
Pick snacks up when leaderhorn comes in, get on a table and raise her into the sky like simba in the beginning of lion king towards her.
tell snacks about leaderhorn and how she coming over right now
and ask her to do this plan with you
Pick snacks up when leaderhorn comes in, get on a table and raise her into the sky like simba in the beginning of lion king towards her.
also damm finaly snacks had her way with us
oh lawd i knew she had it in her
You finally hang on the phone, to take a deep, deep breath. Out of fear, perhaps, you try to grasp time with your breathing and stall it, yet the fact that it doesn't work in the least makes you shiver. Somehow, you don't feel like going back now, to greet Leaderhorn and show her the Snacks.

It's fear, slowly having it's way with you. It doesn't feel good at all.

Just... what is this?

You swallow and soldier on, yet as you turn the feeling grasps you tightly, holding you in place. You can't move; your legs are stuck. There's an anchor there, somewhere... you just can't see it. You get a hand to your chest; your heart is steadily banging it's way out of your chest, as you look towards the wood planks at your feet and frown.

This isn't good. This doesn't feel good. I don't know what doesn't feel good.

You close your eyes shut. With so much strenght, it seems you are pushing your eyeballs in. Please let me out. Please let me out.

And before you know it, you are gasping, a tear dwelling under your right eye.

"Calm down, Trash. Good things happen, too." you tell to yourself, still trying to make sense out of this.

...you calm down.

You get a sleeve up your eyes and open the door. Fortunately, Snacks must be somewhere at the saloon with a fire extinguisher, but you are unsure to wheter let yourself take a break or not.

The choice, however, is taken from you. First glancing below, you fully turn towards Umo as she hands you a big, red and black hose. You pick it up with both hands, then watch the himehorn pull some more from outside. She then holds a chunk in her arms.
"You know the drill." she deadpans, like a soldier.
Soon, you find yourself aiming to the bottom of the flames that sprout at every corner, hiding as Nelson Mandela hovers near. Finally, the Cross Boss enters the room from the aisle, still wearing a silly sleeping hat over her helmet.
You grab the Umo and hide behind a broken table, pressing the small thing against your chest. Metal, wood, rain, and fire blasts all over your table. The two of you listen silently, yet intently, to Morgan Freeman's words of wisdom as the Cross Boss attempts to blow him apart for the third time this month: "I don't want a Black History Month, Black History is American history."

Bum. The shockwave of sheer pressure almost sandwiched you and the Umo against the wall, yet you held steady with your legs against it. Shyly, the both of you lean out of the obliterated edge of the table, then stare as the Cross Boss jumps up and down over the smiling mask. You two share a look, then come out shaking from behind the table, the whole place a ashen mess of struggling fire and machines stuck at every corner.
"Hey, Boss."
The Cross Boss stops jumping and turns towards you, her silver helmet sweating. You consider that perhaps you had nothing of value to say, so you shrug and tap Umo in the shoulder, leaving the Arma to stomp on the mask at will.

It doesn't take you long to find the bathroom, and not much either to clear the whole mess of gym machines locking the door. You open it, then open the hatch in the floor; shortly, two cute, blonde heads pop from below, Snacks and Vaal leaning from the hole by grabbing the ledge with their hands.

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"You know, a friend of mine is coming over!"
You, Snacks, and Vaal sit on the floor by the wall in that order, as Marcos, Carlos and Bobo promptly scream and curse while the Cross Boss whips them from behind. Intently, you chew on a plastic straw, watching the Harambe Squad clean the whole place over and replace the furniture.
"It will be a real shame if it saw the place like this." Snacks says, her hand resting in yours.
"Liaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!" Vaal holds her hands out like a megaphone. "Liaaaaaaaaaaaaar!"
"It wasn't a lie when I told you, you know!" you state eagerly, caressing Snacks palm as you do. Then she looks at you, quizzically. You grin at her.
"She asked me if I had a girlfriend." you rumble.
And Snacks freezes. "I-I see."

>Leaderhorn ain't here yet. Vote!
Give Snacks a big damn kiss for good measure, while making uncomfortable eye-contact with Vaal.
Fucking kiss snacks to mark your territory.
mark her neack with a love bite/kiss
i guse we beter do somthting about making the place look lest shity
change some clost have food ready fpr friends arvile fuck i dk
ask her if shes going to freeze up talking to our friend couse she s going to be asking her Qustions and i need you to be able to anwesr her plz snacks
il do that thing you like latter
Lovebite while giving vaal the stink eye

You can tell Snacks is doing her best not to stab your palm with her nails, because she's failing.
"Um... this...
You answer her by kissing her so hard her head ends up in Vaal's shoulder-
-to whom you dedicate your homemade, premium Stare of Staring... to which she retorts with a shit-eating grin, as you gently hold Snack's head by her nape, slightly pushing her to you.
Yet she's betrayed, as you go straight for her neck, drawing a moan she cuts off a bit too late. From your neck, you look at Vaal in the exact same fashion a kid with icecream looks at a kid /without/ icecream.
Her eyes glimmer. "That looks fun. Can I join?" It's Vaal, speaking eagerly like a kid watching two boys with gameboys.
You stop Snacks from melting by gently dragging her to your own shoulder. Maybe you should be a bit careful with her limits from now on, but it was just so tempting... yet, you can tell she's shaking. At least, while slowly shaking her head against your shoulder, like big, golden cat straight from the shelter. With horns.
"Maybe you are right." you blurt out, almost mixing the words. "Maybe we should tidy up this place a bit."
You gleefully stare at the guy still stuck in the ceiling, screaming for dear life. Then nod. Yet your words are lost in the wind, as Snacks grabs your bulky arm with both slender hands, Vaal just stares at you with a wicked smile, and the Harambe trio gang up on the Cross Boss and attempt to wrestle her.
"Snacks? Snacks?"
She doesn't answer.
"Think you can handle a few questions?"
She pauses; then nods in your shoulder. You kiss her in the forehead. She's such a little thing...!
Take a quick "break" with snacks in the store room.
i dont think we should have a 3 sum just yet snacks still needs to get used to just one person frist
but tell vaal mybe latter when snacks is ready but she can watch if see wants but for now only we are going to be eating some snacks
gelp clean frist then take a quick "break" with snacks in the store room.
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OP's brains have fried for the night, and he will dream wheter Leaderhorn shows up JUST IN FUCKING TIME to ruin the threesome, like in one of those harem animes.
Couldn't fucking run like I wanted because life and shit and asasdasd, but oh well I'll let you guys know when I'm able to quest like in ye olde goode time.
you mean just in time to save snacks
or to catuch us walking out looking all missy
damm life ruining things
see you next time
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Thanks for running! Also:
>Leaderhorn shows up JUST IN FUCKING TIME to ruin the threesome
Why not turn that into a foursome
We can lube up the horns and everything
lube up the horns oh man talk about face ride or taking the bull by the horns
im thinking that happens back at snacks place
lerdhorn will only let snacks keep us if leaderhorn gets a tats frist to see if shes good enugh for us
No fucking threesome! Let's take that "break" with Snacks in the storeroom.
She got lewd and confessed...
We must show this heretic what happens when two girls love each other. In a storeroom.
Just give her the bits and then we can meet leaderhorn and when it's over, ask one of our co-workers if they could help us move in, unless Snacks is game to help.

Then we cook for Snacks in just an apron.

Oh, and if we DO get Snacks back at our place, we should casually show her the tiny cut up cheese in the fridge we leave for our only friends, mice.

Lastly, we must christian our new home with some food play.
As in, play with our Snacks.
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Vaal’s eyes lure yours in, her’s big and brightly like a set of flashlights pointing at you, still over a shit-eating grin. Regardless of how creepy she seems, you can’t help blushing, at least over a grimace. Back at the warehouse, she didn’t held you tightly, she didn’t hurt you at all; you could have ran away anytime.

Yet you didn’t.

She’s so strange… Ever since the Rain, everyone got careless, childish like the Armas. You wouldn’t find anyone sane enough to pass as “normal” if you attempted to round the world in eighteen days...

And she doesn’t seem mean, despite using that Pikachu like a therapy ball. Maybe she could make Snacks feel good, too. Maybe she couldn’t teach you how to do it.

…but maybe now’s not the time for that. Nah, not now. That sweet little thing must be so exhausted… you can tell by her heartbeat. You can see horns pop out from that door any second now, and… oh, that’s right.
“Boss! Boss, come over here for a second.” you say, measing your voice with utmost care to not startle Snacks.
Upon heeding your words, the Cross Boss slams the harambe trio on the floor using her invisible GOG gas.
You can spot Bobo’s mouth slightly foaming. “NIGGA, DAT AIN’T FAIR OR FUN.”
“Fuckhead, I’m just getting started.” The Cross Boss walks up to you, slightly bending her helmet towards the three blondies. “What now, asshole?”
“Don’t get scared.” You start, raising an open palm towards her. The other is busy, holding Snacks towards your shoulder. Thinking about it gives you a slight ray of happiness, yet you thrive. “Leaderhorn is coming here. The broken horn Leader doesn’t know, and she won’t tell her.”
You won’t forget the faces of the harambe trio just as you uttered the first three words. And you dare to guess the Cross Boss would had one of her own.
“…aight.” She begins; then pauses. “May I ask why in the everlasting, realm-wandering spirit of the Greatest Fuck will you bring the Himehorn Faction Leader to this astounding shithole of a restaurant?”
“To meet Snacks, of course!” You blurt out happily. Then, an idea strikes you in the head, like a strong headpat. “I have a request.” The Cross Boss tilts her helmet. “Don’t tell Pedro.”
By a glance, you can tell most of the harambe trio is smiling widely or alredy giggling like retards. The Cross Boss seems to be giggling in silence, herself.
“Then we do that.” She finishes, turning her back from you while releasing the harambe trio, who stretches their backs and limbs cursing gently under their breath.
As she walks out, you turn towards Vaal and smile at her. She stares at you, quizzically, yet retorts with a silly smile of her own.

"Snacks?" you barely manage to see the bright in her eyes as she raises her eyes from your shoulder, like a fledgling light inside a water cave. "I had an idea. Ever seen the Lion King?"
She blinks.
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As Pedro cleans the ash with a broom, in quiet, happy peace, the main door opens at a steady peace. He turns. As the gargantuan himehorn steps inside, crouching to let her horns in, Pedro quite literally shits his pants and curses, grabbing his ass while making his way out of the scene. After carefully measuring her height, Leaderhorn finally looks up front. Her eyes widen. And maybe with fair reason, since she's staring at you raising Snacks with your arms under her shoulders, standing over a table, while she bends her knees to her chest like a puppy would.

"BEHOLD!" you declare, to the lands south and west.
Leaning from the side, you gaze at the hulking himehorn as she struggles her way towards you, awkwardly scratching the ceiling with her horns from time to time. She makes it to Snacks, and reaches a open hand towards her along a tender smile.
"Hi, I'm the Leaderhorn! Good to meet you!"
"...You got bigger." you eye twitches.
After slight hesistation, Snacks manages to reach the hand with her own, it shakes up and down. You put her down in front of the Leaderhorn, then quickly drop to her side and pop a hand across her shoulder, your arm resting on her back. Then, Leaderhorn leans towards the blondie, covering her mouth from you with her long, very white hand.
"Is this trashy piece of trash being mean to you?" she almost whispers, gleefully, right in front of you. "You can tell the Leaderhorn, she can make things happen!"
You swiftly kick her in the thigh; she recoils, cracking up. Leaderhorn awkwardly gets back on her feet.
"Don't worry, she isn't that bad if you feed her!" She glaces at you. "Your friend is quite silent!" Then, she allows herself to glance around. Pouting. "What happened here?!"
"Just another day at work." The voice comes from below. It's obviosly the Umo. "I'm still trying to make sense out of things. Is that bad?"
"When it's pointless. Ado asked for you."
"Send the man my regards." the snowhorn deadpans. "Why are you here?"
Leaderhorn grabs Snacks by the arm, and swiiftly untangles her from you, smiling widely as he does. "Buuuussineeessss!!" she roars in a high pitched voice, gently dragging the messy horned golden cloud with her. You follow, getting next to Snacks as the three of you walk out of the restaurant.

(Cont when I come back!)
oh my, are we going o ride the bull?
AIGHT guys, let's let this shit die. OP will do a final update in a few hours or so, in this thread, and then move on when he can finally run in peace.
Yeah, I'm only on this board for your shit quest anyway. As a homeless man, the adage
Beggers can't be choosers absolutely applies.

Jk, this is okay.
Nagger, did you even check the other thread? I did like six hours ago!

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