Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.Now they must either accept their fate or break out and free their own tribe. Other tribes optional.Your current protagonist is a Barbarian of the Barbarian Tribe. Kept in the arena to fight for the entertainment of The Kingdom.Currently you're in your cell waiting for the next battle, and you just learned your former chief has converted to the Kingdoms religion and joined their side, what do you do?Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.Previous threads:http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2Ahttps://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>652414get pumped for the fight
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652414Punch self in face
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>652414Think to yourself how much you hate your fellow tribesmen converting
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>652414Wait, where's the beard?
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>652436get so hyped that you punch yourself in the face
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>652436Beat on your chest like the hairy gorilla you are.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>652436Punch yourself in the face
>>652439Beards are an entirely personal fashion choice
>>652441Ah yes, the barbarian tradition
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>652453Grow a beard, like a proper barbarian.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>652453Ask a nearby by gaurd when we're fighting
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>652453Now let's select our equipment for the fight
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>652453Out of sheer excitement and willpower, push a beard out through your many potent beard follicles.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>652473Oh shit we gotta select equipment fast
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>652473>>652463
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>652473Let's find what weapons to use
>>652481horry sheit these are sum gud rolls(Spoiler)We won't get them when we need them(/Spoiler)
>>652481"Alright, want to be well prepared eh? Come on, let's go to the pre-fight armory"
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>652500Lick the guard
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>652500Follow him while you think about how your the only pure barbarian left since everyone else has converted.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>652500Grow a beard while walking.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>652500Try to gather info about the enemy
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>652525Lick your beard
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>652525Ask the guard what he thinks of our beard
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>652525Oh shit time to pick weapons
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>652525Find some suitably barbarian weapons in the armory.
>>652414oh shit, I'm probably gonna pass out in 4 hours but oh yeah time for Salt Adventures
>>652528"Oh hey, new beard. Nice. That looks good on you"
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>652546Go through the doorway
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>652546Seduce the guard with your beard
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>652546Wait a minute, why are you so nice when the other guards are dicks
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>652553
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>652546Get us pair of skull gloves for punching.
>>652550"Alright, so over there are the bladed weapons, swords, knives and such. Over there are the polearms like spears and tridents. Over there are the shields, right next to the armor rack. And At that corner are the fist weapons like spiked gauntlets and skulls and whatnot"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>652583Dual wield shields. Become THE WALL.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>652583Get a trident
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652583You need no weapons Ask the guard for some ink some you can mash up some bone meal and mix it with ink for tribal paint
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>652587>>652583
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652583Equip spike gauntlets.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>652614Go to the arena, size up your opponent
>>652614Clank your shields together and yell and deafening roar. You are ready.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>652614Dash for the arena! You want BLOOD!!!!
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>652624
Oh shit. I am late.Goddamn
>>652622"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. FOR TODAY'S OPENING ACT, WE HAVE A FIGHT BETWEEN A LIZARDMAN! CAPTURED FROM THE DEEP SOUTHERN JUNGLES AND A BARBARIAN! CAPTURED FROM THE SAVAGE LANDS RIGHT NEXT DOOR!"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652650Seduce the lizardman.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>652650Fucking go back and get a sword or something. Shits too extreme yo.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>652650We try to intimidate him by punching ourselves in the face
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>652650Ask the lizardman if they worship cats.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>652665Wrestle with him while having a freindly conversation
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>652665Walk towards him menacingly, knowing there is NO WAY he can get pass our unbeatable defense.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>652665Welp, feed it our fists.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>652665do a good and seductive pose
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>652665Lick the lizardman
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>652665Notice his lack of sheild. Offer him a sheild for his weapon.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>652665Cower in fear
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>652665Await for him to strike, then send the weapon flying it with that buckler.THE WALL WITHSTANDS EVERYTHING
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>652669This>>652669But with oils.
>>652669The lizardman swiftly slinks pass your grapple
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>652686Wait for it to strike, then parry his spear and send it flying away with our buckler
>>652686Turtle in sheild fort until lizard tired himself out.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>652686wheel around and smash him with a double shield bash
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>652686>>652689
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>652686call him a faggot and tell him to fite you up close and personal like a man
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>652686"how are the guards treating you"Throw rock at him
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>652686Turn around and wait for him to attack, so you can knock his spear out of his hands.
>>652699"Oh it dependsss. Sssome are niccce while othersss are...not. A mixxsssed bag"
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>652717Goad him to attacking you
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>652717He seems nice, throw the match and become friends with him
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>652717Captain America shield throw!
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>652717>>652689I don't have any creativity, gonna try again
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652717Wait for him to attack and then disarm with a shield bash after he swings his spear.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>652717befriend him using your winning personality
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>652717Goad him into attacking and parry"Yeah kings a dick tho"
>>652730You guarded his spear and gave him a mighty bash, but it wasn't enough to disarm him yet
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>652750Kick him in the crotch
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>652750We need a name, lets call ourselves Canon Solidhat from now onalso ask if lizard wants to be friends
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>652750Keep on the pressure, he have trouble spearing you if you're in his face.
>>652750arm bar while he's disoriented "Kings a dick tho"
>>652767"Nah, I'm good" as he throws you away with his tail
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>652792Get back up and charge towards him with your shields
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>652792Wait for him to strike, then catch his arm between our shields and crush it
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>652792Put up your defenses and wait again. Once he strikes, if you successfully bash him keep on the pressure till he drops.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>652792Trap into his tail and start spinning him"I have a idea,want to start a workers union"
>>652802Grap*How the fuck did I fuck up this bad
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>652795Charging at Lizardman, roll 2d100. Second number just needs to be higher than what I rolled
Rolled 64, 97 = 161 (2d100)>>652816We dead
Rolled 85, 9 = 94 (2d100)>>652816This is why dice God is still more powerful then Brock
>>652821I think we are good enough...
>>652821>>652827HAH! Thanks Dice God, you made me want to die.
>>652821NOBODY FREAKING ROLL>>652827anon why.
Rolled 64, 94 = 158 (2d100)>>652816double nat 100 incoming
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>652827God dammit.>>652816
>>652821>15:42:50>>652827>15:43:51Over a minute after first postDoesn't count
>>652835I fucking hate barbarians
>>652827Dice God is probably hiding his secret bunker fucking with the timeline for shits and giggles
>>652843Ayo das true.PRAISE TIME GOD
>>652849But Mc herbalist DICE GOD IS TIME GOD
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>652866Beat the shit out of him
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>652866Slam him again, kick away his spear if he lets up.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>652857Ayo, MC Herbalist is spelled with a capital "C", like "Dice god is a 'C'uck", you feel me?>>652866Crush him between our shields!
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>652866Put him into armbar "how about a union for us gladiators?"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>652866"Come on and SLAM! And welcome to the JAM!"
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>652866COME ON AND SLAMAND WELCOME TO THE JAMHEY YOU WHATCHA GONNA DOHEY YOU WHATCHA GONNA DO
Holy shit! I saved it! Hooray being irresponsible!
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>652897A winner is you.Poak bun is prize for you stinky westerner
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>652897NOW STOP!HAMMER TIME!
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>652897Beat him so hard he dies. But not the head. We can keep his skull as a exotic trophy.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>652897>>652882
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>652897UNIONSYOU WANT ONE?Break his legs so he can't get away
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>652897Now lick him. Assert dominance.
>>652906Well okay, Hammer Blow
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>652930he ded
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>652930did we win?
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>652930Get him into a headlock between our shields
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>652930Kill him
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>652957We showboat after our victory
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>652957never forget the lizard guy
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>652957Oh, no skull? Well, let's take its spear as a trophy, and make it into a wooden crown.We're the king of the arena.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>652957Proclaim victory and ask if we can go inside
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>652957Cry because we killed our only friend
>>652964R.I.P Lizard GuyNever Forget#lizardguy#riplizardguy#neverforgetlizardguy10XX
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>652989okay forget lizard guy lets get our next opponent
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>652989>>652965
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>652989Turn lizard guy skins into cape.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>652989Consume it's flesh
>>652989Obtain perksFights for friends In loving memory of lizard manFreindly
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>653006Oops
>>652994"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE OUR WINNER! THE BARBARIAN HAS TRIUMPHED AGAINST THE LIZARDMAN! LET US HOPE FOR HIS CONTINUED SUCCESS. NOW, BARBARIAN, LEAVE THE FIELD SO WE CAN CLEAN UP AND GET READY FOR THE NEXT FIGHT"
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>653030Do as he says. Leave the field and clean up
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>653030pick up a trophy from the lizard man before you go
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>653030Leave the field, but take the corpse with you.Free materials for weapons and armor.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>653030Leave the field but thru the wrong exit.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>653030We can't wait, so we do the cleaning job ourself but FAST!
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>653030Leave the felidTalk to guardGet called a wuss by fellow barbFight start
>>653040Which part? His shoulderpads? His hide? His spear? Or just the entire corpse?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>653070His hide.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>653070his genitals, obviously
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>653070EVERYTHING!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>653070his hide
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>653070His tail, wear it like a scarf.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>653070his skull
>>653077YOU GOT:Lizardman Hide (minus head)
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>653096Let's go back inside
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>653096Drape it around our shoulders and strike a pose. Then leave quickly, wouldn't want to get killed by the guards for staying too long
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>653096lets head back and set up our sick new rug
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>653096Lick it thoroughly. Got to keep it clean, you know.
>>653105Your cell is comfier already
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>653121we must slaughter more people in the arena to make a comfier home
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>653121Knock self unconscious on bed - have nice dream
>>653124my rolls are getting a bit out of hand ima stop posting for a bit unless someone can beat this
>>653124Sounds like a plan i guess
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>653130Check up with your neighbor.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>653130Take a look of the next fighter.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>653130Punch yourself in the face and take a nap.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>653130Like >>653134, but with more squats.
>>653135Oh hey, it's another barbarian fighting next. You went to that guy's wedding
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>653148wait, I thought Barbarians produced asexually thru skull offerings?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>653148Ask what he worships or believes. Is he a Brockian or paladin guy.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>653148who'd he get married to?
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>653148Rile your foe up by pretending you betrayed your tribe and converted
>>653157Come to think of it I don't remember ever seeing a female barbarian. I think there's a good chance that he's gay then.
>>653157Dude was from the time before all barbs relied on offerings to clone yourselves
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>653180"Hey bro! How is going with your elf wife? It is quit strange you never got any childrens with her..."
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>653180speaking of offerings. Ask the Barb you're fighting if he's with the One True God or that shit god the one formerly known as the Barbarian Leader Hooded Bones parading with
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>653180Question the gender of his elf wife
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>653180Ask what he worships
>>653185"What elf wife? We never captured any elves"
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>653266Bash your head against the wall to regain your sanity and memory.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>653266Call him out on his lying and convince yourself he married an elf and hes an irredeemable faggot
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>653266"No elf? Oh I see... I always confuse for manling as elves."
>>653266Wait... That means...There are barbarian women!
>>653274Ah yes, this unconciousness-induced darkness is really good for your memory
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>653300Flashback to our tribal days
Rolled 88 (1d100)Wake up and ask the other barbarian what God he worships now that we're back to normal.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>653300have a fever dream
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>653300Remember the time you meet a strange barbarian cultist who suddenly worship Flaming Snake god instead for Brock.
>>653317Ah yes, the simple time where a barbarian was free to throw rocks willy nilly without having to worry about the consequences
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>653338immediately face consequences.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>653338Go for the high score in rock throwing
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>653338remember ur mom
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>653338Think about that time were all the other tribes attacked us.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>653338Remember the time you hit some other barb while both throwing rocks and he got pissed. Your confused because you were both playing rock-throw.
>>653348"when are you gonna stop lying around the hut eating jerky all day and go out to throw rocks at other tribes like a normal barbarian?"pfffft, she doesn't run your life
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>653388Throw a rock hard boner at mom
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>653388Remember when you killed a a baby snake to prove your manhood
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>653388Throw rock at her.
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>653388YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MOM! [jerky eating intensifies]
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>653388Remember that time when you came home from a long day of rock throwing and discovered your mom sleeping with the King on the d/l.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>653424Remember getting your ass beaten by your mom after you threw a bone at her.
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>653424uh-oh I'll bet your mom is going to go get dad
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>653424Face immediate and severe consequences.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>653435>>653424
>>653442That was an awkward dinner that night
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>653468Remember your first raid on another tribe
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>653468Wake up from the flashback
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>653468okay well that was traumatizing. good thing it's just a flashback and you're now a totally normal functioning adult who doesn't get triggered by the sight of jerky at all nope
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>653468Remember how after that day you trained in acrobatics for years in order to avoid you mom's rocks going forward.
>>653483Uhh..yeah...good thing you totally got over that trauma...yeah
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>653518you awaken splayed out on your lizard skin rug
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>653518Go back to the present day and reality
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>653518Wake up in room.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>653518By the way, your mum was a total AILF.>AILF: Amazon I'd Like to Fug
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>653574Ask what the hell you just did to your friendly neighbor.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>653574Scan the room for food.We should've been asleep when it came flying in.
>>653588Oh it's just a...piece of jerky
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>653603Cry.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>653603TRIGGERED
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>653603Get sudden vision of Brock or something else...?
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>653603Hold it together.It's just food.The food of our nightmares
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>653603>It ain't me
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>653603Have a complete mental breakdown
>>653618Various screams and panic yelling of "NO MOMMY NO!" and "PLEASE STOP I'LL BE A GOD BOY, I'LL BE A GOOD BOYYYYY" and similiar others were heard from your cell
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>653653Put it under the rug and never and think of it again.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>653653Pass out until the guards throw you out to the next fight
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>653653You discover that fear gives you unexpected speed for running away. Cover your eyes and pocket that jerky, we may use it later, when running from something
>>653671Ah yes, darkness, your old friend. It will deliver you from this nightmare
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>653686Nightmare of infinite jerky
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>653686Face your inner demons
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>653686SUDDENLY MORE ASS BEATING FLASHBACKS
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>653686Face your fears and overcome them. Become a MAN
>>653694Like that time you skipped rock throwing class to go punch rocks instead
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>653766Wake up in a dry sweat, screaming.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>653766Remember getting raped by mutated creatures of the forest.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>653766But remember the good times, when your mother gave you your first skull hat
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>653766And that time when all your dreams were crushed when your peers told you you would never be a good rock thrower than beat the shit out of you
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>653766Also that time you got caught petting animals instead of punching them
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>653766Thank to backbreaking everyday, we can turn around and see our own ass without problem.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>653766No money no honey
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>653766I vote to play as this guy's mom.
>>653789Wait, when did that happen.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>653832Remember when we were set up a second fortress were the elves use to live and fighting the creatures of the forest who were mutated from our meteor attack
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6538323 weeks ago
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>653832Oh, no, that was just one of those messed up rock-comics from the east we read when we were younger.Some ugly shit.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>653832Remember the obviously repressed memories, but with censors
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>653843>>653832
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>653832Rember Brock calling you a faggot and molesting you when you were a chiled giving you an irrational fear of rocks
>>653851No, we beat them, everytime, and suffered literally no losses. Because barbarian tribe best tribe and we are invincible and have literally done nothing wrong and this is totally not barbarian revisionist history in action
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>653871>No LossesHmmm barb, I think you're repressing something there. Remember when you got your asses btfo by those mutated forest creatures after you blew up the forest?
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>653871What about that one time you fucked up trying to kill an orc caravan and got some barbs skeletonized.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>653871Go back to reality
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>653871Remember the meteor
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>653871Keep growing beard
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>653871Assure yourself nothing is wrong and go onto the next fight.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>653871>>653860
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>653871Okay, good. Now let's get back to more traumatic nightmares, like the time your Dad caught you picking dandelions and suplexed you off a cliff.
>>653884Nope, no losses whatsoever. We were literally invincible because we're so much better than the other shit eating tribes.Barbs dindu nuffinWe wuz throwin rocks n shieeet
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>653913I'm %100 sure you're repressing memories, because that's not how we remember it.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>653913What about that one time you sent barbs out to their certain doom.Only for them to return as skeletons.Accept the truth, you fucked up.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>653913Commit suicide
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>653913The Repressed memorys start showing themselves leading to us breaking down into a traumatic mess
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>653913>>653860
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>653913We even plotted expansion! Most progressive tribe
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>653913if you never lost, then why are you enslaved right now?
>>653943Exactly! We're so great we gave ourselves an immaginary trophy
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>653974>>653888
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>653974>Implying barbs aren't the worst>Implying barbs just got their race killed and then enslaved>Implying Brock loves youSpeaking of that last one we should probably call him to see how he's doing.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>653974arena fight nao
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>653974What about the time you guys got your ass beat by the Orcs? Or the time the elves killed you?
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>653974Except that it's all imaginary and in reality the barbarians were enslaved, and their culture was stomped out long ago.
>>653993>Implying barbs aren't the bestAs evident by our second trophy taht we gave ourselves inside our own immagination
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>653974Poop in it
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>654013Remember meteor spell? That was awesome. Maybe Brock will reward us for the lizard skin!Make offering!
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>654013Get ready for the next fight. It should be soon
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>654013>>653906
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>654013Surround yourself in imaginary trophies.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>654013God, it's almost like all these imaginary trophies are making up for the lack of something...
>>654026Yes indeed, you made an offering of the lizardman rug to Brock.He's not answering.HmmWell maybe there's a connection problem, you probably won't get a good signal down here surrounded by Kingdom stuff. They're clearly messing with your connection.
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>654073Poop pants
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>654073Remember you were the bad guys all along and your horribly repressesed losses crash down on your memorys
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>654073Go to the areana to fight, you need to get out of here quickly so you can complete your offerings.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>654073stage elaborate escape
>>654086Nuh uh! Barbs were the good guys! You were the good guys! It's the other tribes' fault for being shithead chicken-brained wusses! Barbs dindu nuffin! Barbs dindu nuffin!
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>654134Is your name perhaps rock solid?
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>654134Reminisce about saving helpless people and being a good guy, and definitely not killing them and looting the body afterwards.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>654134it's okayyou can cryyou're in a safe place
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>654134get a brain aneurysm from all these memories you've been repressing
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>654134What about when you throw rocks at the mapmaking dragon, and when you tried to steal the elf women?
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>654134OH HEY, TIME FOR GLADIATOR FIGHT!
>>654156Shit, that was uh....tch...ah...totally justified. Shieet. That dragon was clearly threatening national security and we were merely sending a friendly scouting party into the forest with absolutely no intention of killing them and taking their women back to our village to rape later. I mean clearly. We dindu nuffin. Except care. About our tribe and freedums.#patriotism
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>654186>>654143
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>654186all of this totally accurate remembering has made you hungry. call for the guard.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>654186Fearing what you may discover with self inspection, decide its time for an arena fight.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>654186Pls show guard reactions to our insanity.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>654186Elves and dragons are fags anywayThe orcs though, why'd you try to genocide the orcs three times in a row. They were really swell dudes!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>654186What about the times you spent multiple consecutive turns raining down meteors on towards the elven forest?
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>654186What about all those times where you killed innocent animals that couldn't defend themselves.
>>654207Because you didnt pay for the wall we built
>>654207Ah yeah well yah, see, well Orcs...Orcs! Orcs, you see. Orcs are clearly less of a bunch of fags than the rest of the other wusses, but they're still a bunch of greenskinned shiteaters -ahem- but see, we didn't attack the orcs! Yes, we d-didn't! See, that was all coompletely...self defense! Yes, that's it. Because as everyone can see, the orcs are pretty big guys 4 u, and they approached us with their bigness and clearly threatening body language and therfore it was entirely within our rights to exterminate their gene pool.Plus as being the only race that can stand up to us, we were clearly, CLEARLY, uh, sparring, yes, SPARRING with them to help THEM improve their fighting capabilities...yes yes yes. See, so they should be THANKING US for helping them become better.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>654214>>654258
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>654258What about when you went full necromatic army and started raising the dead and making giant scary bone golems and stuff?
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>654258it's almost time for our next fight. get swole.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>654258Run for arena chief
>>654260What? Pffft. What? Naw man, nawww. WHat?! Pshaawww, no. No. No. No. Those animals were clearly armed and dangerous and clearly were coming straight at us! I mean, when an SEEMINGLY, SEEMINGLY, cute and innocent creature runs up to you and be all like "Rawr imma eat you" what can you do but kill it and its entire family in response? I mean, c'mon. C'mon. C'maaaaaannnn
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>654326>>654276
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>654326WERE DID HE TOUCH YOU
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>654326check in with the guy in the next door cell again. see if he's got any extra food. all of this truth-telling is making you starved.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>654326Welp. Let's go the arena.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>654326Is he talking to himself? How does this look to others?
>>654347"Yes, strange barbarian who spent over an hour talking to himself and occasionally the wall, I do have some spare food. Want some jerky?"
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>654374*hello darkness my old friend*
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>654374seizure from psychological trauma
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>654374>IT AIN'T ME
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>654391>>654374
>>654374Remember about how your father was a jerkyholicRemember how he didn't believe you when you told him a skeleton molestwed youRemember him repeatedly suplexing youRemember that moment with your momMental breakdown go
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>654374Fetal position.
>>654390"GUARDS! HE'S YELLLING ABOUT HIS MOM AGAIN!"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>654399Oops
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>654408*Yelling and thrashing gets louder
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>654408Triggered you punch through the wall and shove that jerky down the throat of your neighbor prisoner
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>654408>>654400
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>654408>>654399
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>654408turns out your mom is your opponent in the next fight
>>654418"EY! CALM THE FUCK DOWN"
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>654449>>654428
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>654449NO MOM WHY! WHY! THE JERKEY ITS EVERYWHERE!SAVE ME! SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>654449Go limp. Play dead.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>654449Poop pants
>>654476"HE'S NOT CALMING DOWN!""THen we have no choice, prepare to use the anesthetic"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>654515Poop pants as your defence mechanism!
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>654515Attempt to break free from their grasp and run away panicking.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>654515Use the anesthetic what ever that is
>>654515Your fear gives you immense power
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>654515Thrash harder, scream incoherently.
>>654523You don't wear pants
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>654515>>654529
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>654544Mother fuckin! Fine poop yourself! Fucking poop!
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>654544Awkward!
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>654544Your delusions make you think both guards are your parents.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>654544THROW ROCK HARD BONERS AT THEM
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>654544Due to the sudden rise in testosterone due to your rage, your beard suddenly expands as you thrash around.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>654544Don't poop Just realize your a disappointment Leading to an even bigger mental breakdown
>>654553"SUBJECT IS CLEARLY DELUSIONAL, APPLY ANESTHETIC!""APPLYING ANESTHETIC"The anesthetic has been applied, you are now returned to the sweet, sweet darkness of uncioness
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>654620Flashback to the day orcs were walkin by with a caravan.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>654620RESIST THE ANESTHESIA AND ESCAPE THEIR GRIP
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>654620NO MOMNOOOOOOOOOOO
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>654620Wait until we're called for the next match.This is getting kind of repetitive imo
>>654638Oh look, it that time when you accidentally gave the captured elf prisioners a handshake instead of a punch
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>654707SOME OF THOSE (MALE) ELVES LOOKED ATTRACTIVE, MOOOM
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>654707Go to the arena and fight our next opponent
>>654718"clearly I ahve failed as a father. So if you excuse me, I'm just gonna go and smash my head against a rock until I can't feel anything anymore. I'll be back before dinner, see ya"And that was the last time you ever saw your dad
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>654762DAD NODON'T LEAVE US
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>654762Wake up with tears on your face and in your beard, with a new vigor ready to fight.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>654762And this is were Brock appears infront of everyone and calls us a faggot with a small dick
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>654762Get your ass beat by mom for making your dad leave her.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>654762Where did he go? The second fort?
>>654785"Oh man, you'rea faggot with a small dick. HEY EVERYONE! THIS FAGGOT WITH A SMALL DICK IS A FAGGOT WITH A SMALL DICK!"Man, your dreams just keep getting weirder by the minute
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>654836>>654720
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>654836Wake up in a isolated padded cell wearing a straightjacket
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>654836WAKE ME UPCAN'T WAKE UP
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>654836wake up and scream as loud as you canChannel your frustration into pure sound loud enough to burst eardrums of the guards outside your cell
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>654836He tells our mom to kill herself then leaves Our mom duplexes us down a flight of stairs than kills herself
>>654846"BEHOLD, CITIZENS OF THE KINGDOM! THE CENTAUR! HALF MAN! HALF HORSE! A QUARTER AWKWARD LIMB MOVEMENT AND ONE FIFTH VEGETARIAN!"
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>654925Notice his skin looks a little like jerkey and break down again
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>654925Charge it with both shields
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>654925Didja dad fuck an 'orse or somefin? Ur a faget
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>654925We're still knocked out
>>654940"Well yeah. Makes for really awkward family reunions"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>654962>>654931
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>654962Laugh at him and his stupid culture.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>654962HORSEFUCKERAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>654962My dad hit his head against a rock until he forgot he died because I was that much of a disappointment I know the feelMental breakdown slowly starts up again
>>654971"But how can you laugh my culture, when it's your own culture. Brother?"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>655007WHAT A TWEEST
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>655007Cue us breaking down again
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>655007Attack the centaur bastard
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>655007We had sneks... not horses you BARBARIAN
>>655027"You see my brutha from anotha mutha. When our father repeatedly smacked his head against a rock to erase the pain of your existence. He also accidentally erased his own sense of proper arousal and he was no longer turned on by human women. Dazed, he wandered away from your village accross the lands, until a fateful encounter with my mother. A horse."
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>655100Arnt we all limp cuz, meteor?
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>655100Introduce your shields to his face
>>655112This was before the meteor
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>655100Summon the rage of your mother and shield bash.
>>655127Aaaah. We didnt have horses
Barbarians are >Warmongers >hypocrites >Necromancers >murders of innocent animals >molestersand now horsefuckers as well.
>>655100bro hug time
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>655117Whoosh, giving him a taste of your shieldRoll 2d100 and have the second number beat my shitty number>>655141What part of "wandered away from your village accross the lands" did you not understand
Rolled 12, 1 = 13 (2d100)>>655150FUCK YOU HORSEFUCKER DAD
Rolled 79, 27 = 106 (2d100)>>655150
Rolled 88, 85 = 173 (2d100)>>655150HUUUUUUURRRRRGGG
>>655159How could a person roll this horrible
>>655150time to hug your brother with your shield
>>655150The part that "barbarians are awesome with no flaws"Rock culture is superior culture.
>>655171when I'm not trying hard to win
>>655159We dedGood job anon
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>655228Bash again with the fury of a thousand moms.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>655228RIDE HIM LIKE A HORSE
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>655228Punch his neck with shield....repeatedly
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>655228Just keep hitting him
>>655176Oh so didn't understand why "barbarians are awesome with no flaws". So you're saying barbarians are not awesome and have lots of flaws
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>655228Throw your shields down and embrace your brother
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>655243Roll 2d100 for neck punching
>>655245Your grasping for straws. Which might be as stable as your internet connection.
Rolled 31, 74 = 105 (2d100)>>655260
Rolled 46, 33 = 79 (2d100)>>655260
>>655171It happens.Like for instance one time as a joke in a 1 on 1 DnD practice session I decided to punch myself in the face as the first thing I did, I critical'd myself and almost died because apparently the dice god is an asshole whether its virtual dice or real actual dice
Rolled 53, 78 = 131 (2d100)>>655260double nat 100 incoming
Rolled 16, 1 = 17 (2d100)>>655260dude RNG lmao
Rolled 59, 55 = 114 (2d100)>>655260HUUUUUUURRRRGGG again!
Rolled 77, 43 = 120 (2d100)>>655260
Rolled 33, 24 = 57 (2d100)>>655260
>>655266No I mean like, the question was "what part did you not understand" and you answered with the part saying barbarians are awesome.
>>655294You walked right into that oneBarbarian education at work
>>655324I assure you I have a masters in Rockology
>>655280Whoops, he knocked you away>>655334Exactly
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>655340Drop your weapons and refuse to fight your own brother
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>655340THROW YOUR ROCK HARD BONER SHIELDS AT HIM
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>655340Counter him with...METAL CONCERT SCREEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMM
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>655340Get on all fours, face the other way, shout ecstatically and spread your legs wide
>>655340Say 'We are brothers, we shouldn't be fighting! I'm sorry for hitting you, brother!'
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>655356WhooshRoll2d100, yadda yadda, curse Dice God, yadda yadda
Rolled 15, 3 = 18 (2d100)>>655380MUH BONERS
Rolled 11, 16 = 27 (2d100)>>655380
Rolled 36, 59 = 95 (2d100)>>655380so much for brotherly love
Rolled 14, 51 = 65 (2d100)>>655380fug
Rolled 3, 88 = 91 (2d100)>>655380
Rolled 89, 66 = 155 (2d100)>>655387Damn
Rolled 29, 19 = 48 (2d100)>>655380
>>655387>>655406>>655410>>655411These low first roles.
>>655387Oh great now he has 3 shields
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>655447>>655361
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>655447welp time to give up, might as well bend over and let him take you
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>655447it's all ogre nowLAST RESORT ATTACKROCK HARD BONER ATTACK
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>655447>>655359
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>655447BUT WE STILL HAVE OUR SMASHING BOARDTo defend with
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>655447okay it's time to charm and reconcile with your equine brother
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>655447surrender; we can't face that many shields at once
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>655447>>655362
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>655447This is just like the time Mom beat the shit out of you for making Dad leave her.(Trauma flashback!)
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>655455roll 2d100blah blah blah
Rolled 84, 25 = 109 (2d100)>>655528
Rolled 15, 67 = 82 (2d100)>>655528Fug
Rolled 60, 61 = 121 (2d100)>>655528
Rolled 70, 54 = 124 (2d100)>>655528BONE HIMlike your dad boned a horse
Rolled 33, 97 = 130 (2d100)>>655528
Rolled 19, 7 = 26 (2d100)>>655528
Rolled 82, 84 = 166 (2d100)>>655528
>>655548>>655534too low for your first roll, nigga
>>655534And so your desperation attaack was countered with a sword stab. And so you died.The End
>>655613punch self in faceIN HELL
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>655613Cut to us in hell
Rolled 63 (1d100)Who's up for a chill and nonmurderbonerSkelebool adventure. Mariachi the countryside
>>655613Well at least I didn't have the intent to kill the barbarian like some others have done to previous protagonists. Are we doing smiling son tomorrow then?
>>655624Ah da da. If none of the previous fuckers get a hell segment, barbarians won't get one too. Time to pick da next victim-ahem-protag
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>655613Can we be his Mom now?His Mom was fukkin RAD.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>655639Of course the others dont get a hell segment, barbs are the only ones evil enough to go there
>>655641No girls allowed in da clubhouse
>>655639We should make the centaur barbarian a chops able protagonist. He's clearly better then the one we just played as.
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>655641yes, barb mom now pls
>>655613>All characters who develop actual personality get killed by the dice or canonAre we fucking cursed or something?
>>655639AND THE CHJOICES ARE ETHER: Smiling son or manlet rider
>>655661Maybe OP should not add 2d100 die, but rather 2d50 to make it fair
>>655661Well in the case of the imp king he was just too weak. That's why I wanted him to ignite the sewer and actually have some sort of lasting impact.
>>655678I don't see Amazon Mom.Where's Amazon Mom?
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>655678Smiling son lock inIt'll be hard to find a way to murder a kid so he'll probably be fine
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>655678Ayyycontinue the thread, 6 more hourssmiling son cause why not
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>655678Mystery box where are you?
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>655678Smiling son
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>655678smiling son time
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>655678Mysterybox
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>655678Smiling sonSave best for last
Oh great! The decision is unanimous, Smiling Sonnyboy it is! See you next time, which will either be in 12 hours or more likely, the same starting time as this one. BUt probably not a whole new thread but jsut continuing this one, it still ahve some posts left before bump limit eh. Updates:https://twitter.com/notapaladinBye
>>655715Does he at least have godlike powers?
>>655727Maybe, maybe not. Who knows.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>655683Except it is confirmed as dice God fuckery We could have legit one shot himAlso the blowing up the swears made absolutely no sense Also what was reptitive to you? Because you just kept spamming move one to the next match
>>655715I say we have a atleast 90% chance for smiling son to somehow get murdered by shenanigans
>>655727The only thing that may actually save us from the dice god.
>>655735Is child murder a common thing in this series?
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>655639it was the year ninety nine ninty nine...we were excavated and ressurected as CYBER BARBARIAN. Rebuilt with the latest technology, faster, better stronger...bar...bari..an..er.Really its just a robot wearing a dead guys skeleton, working a shitty job at a poor quality amusement park.
>>655734I remember getting good rolls but it didn't have any real effect because of the imps physicality.I wanted him to blow up the sewers to fuck with the kingdom. Also he was really depressing to look at when it was going on.I just wanted to try and get somewhere besides dramatic flashbacks about motherly abuse as fun as they were.
>>655743No but protagonists dying sensless deaths by dice god or dum decisions is common so far in this
Speaking of which, Barbarian actually took less time to die than the Imp.Does this mean that Barbs are actually shittier than manlets?
>>655790No, but they intended to murder the Barb from the start. You also gave Impo 3 chances. You gave Barb 2.
>>655790Nah. The barbarian fighting this entire season wether against his opponents in the ring or against himself.The manlet imp was just trying to convince manlets and covering himself in shit most of the session.
>>655767No when we were in combat with the mugger he got the best roles in the best possible situations
>>655809Yeah that little segment with shit made no sense and was unneededIt also didn't help that Orc saitama was spaming lol so randomn But I'm not really any better am I
>>655849Orc Saitama really needs to lay off with the whole seduce thing. I just hope he stops with the smiling son because then it kind turns in pedophillia
>>655875Just gotta get "Swear to never try and lick/seduce things, it's stupid" in one of the early rolls to lock that off.
>>655923Also "never try to punch or attack shit. Elves are naturally weak like Gobbos"
>>655976Well I mean we're a kid this time so we can probably get the two most important books from the library."How to read" and "How to not be retarded"
>>655976Well the Smiling one did kill a barbarian lich if I recall and the smiling son is imbued with Godly powers. Although he is just a child and should just do more casualt things like learning.
>wake up knowing about midnight barb thread>expect him dead cause salty anons>actually dead cause of dice rollsI'm ok with that
>>656581He also got killed by his half-brother half-barbarian kin.
>>656670at least not by down the mill mugger
Do we get a family reunion for TraumaBarb when he appears in Hell?Gettng to eat Mom's Jerky again is literally hell for him
>>657659>implying such badass Mom is dead
>>657659His name was Canon Solidhat, TraumaBard was just his gimmick
>>657659no, his mom is on the Character Select Screen. I just wish NaP remembered Orcs still exist. We haven't played Orcs in ages.
>>657973>he says this while there was also an orc there
>>657973>read thread on phone in morning>thought on that char selection screen is beard not momOkay, whos idea was to go with kid elf instead of barbmom?Also all orcs now are going to heaven for final battle with Brock, I doubt you'll get one.
>>657978>>657979No I mean literally, aside from Wan Panch, there hasn't been any recent quest in memory that had an Orc Protagonist.
>>657997Maybe because nobody picked any orcs for anything
>>658007>>657997aside of wanpan orcs didn't have much character thowhat I wonder is why manlets are so popular, not that I mind after getting us Manlet Riders but still
>>658009Becuase, like barbs, they had more than 1 hero
>>658015I meant that they as race didn't have much character. aside of staring blankly.
>>658021Orcs overall were probably the more bland factions. They didn't go to war with anyone like the Barbarians but just didn't really do much. For a while they wanted to just trade with people and be buisness orcs but then weebness took over. They were also AFK for like a third of the quest.
>>658051not like manlets had any character either, just sitting in cave and building shit, I guess they got choosen twice thanks to overall amount of players played with themI guess AFK is the main reason for orcs being rare, every nation wants quest of their civ after all
>>658071OP gave them a lot of personality when he fucked with them, making them charming too. Orcs just stared blank aside from battle
>>658071My own idea is that we shall play a character is who is strange hybrid of human, elf, manling, orc and dragon.It will be fair for everybody.
>>658079>OP gave them a lot of personality when he fucked with them, making them charming too.well that warms my cold dead heart
>>658079What about the time Orcs anally devastated a dragon with fruit? Yeah that was around the time when everything started going bad after everything started getting good but that was funny. Just because the Orcs weren't Murder Hobos or were having their anuses gaped open doesn't mean they had their own charm.>>658009There was One Eye but he's dead? There was Greg but he's also dead and a skelly and also probably purged, there's the Orc Shamans but they're probably all dead. Plus I'm sure everyone was just as hype when we rolled those nat 100s and overcame those tough rolls. I'm gonna try to be active next quest so I can try to roll for an Orc Protagonist once we die again but I'm sure most of you will be rolling for Manlen Rider then.
>>658107So what you're saying is that the Orcs' gimmick is fruit rape
>>658080dragons please, stop fucking with genepoolliterally>>658079yeah, I can agree too that. they are kinda fun.>>658107I didn't mean exact heroes, but character itsels - aka trait
>>658089Anytime you cold bastard.>>658107You are right. They didnt have any character.>>658111Yes
>>658111what no it's being weebs, but yeah the main problem I had with the Orcs is that we really had no clear objective. We were gonna start on that road but nobody helped us so we just forgot about it, then there was the time we decided to hire out mercs but they just got killed and abandoned, the partnership with the Manlets was gonna be great but they struck a better deal with the Humans so we had to leave, then the king happened.>>658114Orcs were monks or someshit then Saitama scored that roll against the meteor and then we went full weeb with the stands and shit, which eventually led to our demise when we spent all those turns developing card games, re-enacting animes, summoning succubi waifus.
>>658114I'm not even a dragon. Otherwise we can play a skeleton with parts of dragons, orc, manling and elf.
>>658126>manlingThe fuck are those
>>658130They're smaller and weaker goblins.Basically manlet manlets.
>>658119>Orcs were monks or someshit then Saitama scored that roll against the meteor and then we went full weeb with the stands and shit, which eventually led to our demise when we spent all those turns developing card games, re-enacting animes, summoning succubi waifus.considering whole 4chins are weeb I guess that wasn't enough to stand out.
>>658119>Orcs were monks or someshit then Saitama scored that roll against the meteor and then we went full weeb with the stands and shit, which eventually led to our demise when we spent all those turns developing card games, re-enacting animes, summoning succubi waifus.no ragrats
>>658137Pretty much this
We already had One Puncg Bugman adventure not long ago too, now that I think about it. Pretty underwhelming to do it again
Are we continuing the game today or tomorrow?
>>658142That was a Kamen Rider Themed Bugman though. We are talking about Wasteland Quest right?
>>658270I am talking about Wasteland Bugman. He was a One Punch meme
>>658339sleep tight man
I have a proposition for you allHow do you feel about the idea of snekball
>>658279He was more based off Kamen Rider 2 than anything
>>658071Dragon here, back when we actually had more than one tribesman, I was actually hoping we won't play as them as we'll probably go extinct by way of rectal penetration.I was prepared for the worst when you fags played Messiah
>>658737Only his appearance. All of his attacks were One Punch Man themed.He killed Poak Bun with one punch
So after all of this, which tribe is best tribe?
>>660865Skeletons,though if you don't count them as a tribe then orcs since at this point orcs have been the least fucked through this adventure>manlets heroes have all tried to become superheroes and died gruesome deaths before they were able to do anything heroic>Smiling one had a psychotic break and got killed by 'cultists'>Dragon messiah watched all his friends get murderraped, found out his father was killed, and his sister is either also dead or serving as brocks personal cocksleave/cumdumpster>barbarians guy was a massive wuss who had constant breakdowns due to a shitty childhood>one punch orc only kept knocking himself out with facepunches
>>660870It's true, barbarians are actually huge wusses that had to call other people wusses to mask their own insecurities
>>660883>>660870>literally 1 (one) barb being a wuss>EVERYONE IS A WUSSBarbmom will need to educate ya
>>660886Every barb is indeed a wuss, yess
>>660886If we were to pretend that each tribe was a different player in a DnD session they would be the following>Dragons would be the guy who constantly seems to get fucked by dice rolls and/or the DM>Manlets are the guy who rolled a shitty character but knows how to make them potentially good>Barbarians are THAT GUY>Orcs are the guy who just wants to get it over with so he can go home>Elves are the guy who is semi serous about it
>>660898I never played DnD in my entire life, so I can't get that.I wish I played.Too bad that's not a thing in Siberia.
>>660898This seems about right.
>>660898>>Dragons would be the guy who constantly seems to get fucked by dice rolls and/or the DMalso>dragons fucked by dice rolls. that happened to them only twice at best, ignoring coalition attacknow let's count how many scouting barbs failed. oh wait, most of them.
>>660903>dem dice rolls be keeping us barbs downStay salty
>>660900Well if you wondering about the few terms and shit I used the DM is basically serves the role of what OP does in these threads and THAT GUY is basically a person who intentionally fucks either the plot or everything with their own special brand of retardation where they will do shit and usually end up either ruining the plot of the entire adventure for everyone or if the DM is good enough/allows it send it completely off the rails
>>660907I never said that. We never were salty over rolls, we just accepted them. What I can't say about other races.>>660909I know who DM is and overall process of the game.>THAT GUY is basically a person who intentionally fucks either the plot or everything with their own special brand of retardation where they will do shit and usually end up either ruining the plot of the entire adventure for everyone or if the DM is good enough/allows it send it completely off the railsI fail too see how that is a bad thing, probably I'm THAT GUY then.
>>660903Barbs always bounced back from their shitty dice rolls and are currently in an alright situationDragons are Practically extinct with only one member left alive and were constantly getting fucked over by OP on a semi consistent basis>>660912'That guy' is universally hated by most DM's because all they do is make the DM's jobs harder and are usually not very serious about the game.Combine this with the fact that Most DnD players are of the super serious 'no fun allowed' type and you can see why they might be considered a bad thing
>>660912Keep living in denial salt man
>>660916They're not really in an "alright" situation. OP, on his twitter, said that there's like 3 of them left.
>>660916Good thing there is no DnD locally then
Rolled 57 (1d100)Orc Player here, I just want a quick adventure of pre-Orc Cleric Orc adventures. Just one, Orcs dindu nuffin, it was die god's fault why we all here.>>660940Haven't seen that>>660912>LOL IT'S OK GUYS IT'S "FUN"Most of the time it really isn't. Like when Canon screwed us over when we just wanted to be a Master Cooking Chef Elf>But guys if I didn't interfere we would still be cookingI'm still fucking salty, we were cooking to see where that would go. It's up to OP to decide what to do to make it interesting.>>660886Everyone of them is a huge insecure wuss as we've seen how badly Barbarians try to forget each and every defeat and constantly paint themselves as the good guys.
>>660898As a fellow DnD character, i would agree
>>660996hey, I don't like Canon ways of doing things too. I was pretty excited to get cooking rolling. Hell, I was the one who started broth thing back in submarine quest.Just cause you dislike what I did during Civ thing doesn't mean I'm one who ruins fun in regular quests>Everyone of them is a huge insecure wuss as we've seen how badly Barbarians try to forget each and every defeat and constantly paint themselves as the good guys.>implying we did hugely evil thingsjust few meteors, big deal. I call you jelly and prejudgemental
>>660996>>661009As another Barb, i will say i wanted the Cooking Thing AND a good manlet adventure. We weren't sabotaging anyone. That was only Canon. I will continue to back up Solid for that.Yes, we did dickish things in Civ Thing, but it was our play style! Hell, there was plenty of times we disagreed on actions, just like the rest of you.We even kicked a member out because his actions were even too stupid FOR US
>>661005Player*Not character Fuck you, mobile device
>>661016Are you referring to that one guy with senpai in his name? He was stupid but not for the reasons that most people disliked barbarians.
>>661024so for what reasons people disliked barbariansenlighten meit's salt about coalition attack, isn't it
>>661030Stuff like attacking the map making dragon or trying to rape Elven women. There was an entire episode of the now deceased barbarian denying and justifying stuff like that in a childish way.
>>661035>expect barbarians act civilI think that's your expectations at fault hereWhat barbarians do? Raid. Until they stop being barbarians. That's what they do.>still salty about rocks hitting dragonI already explained multiple times that if you see huge chunk of meat flying above you, you hunt it.>There was an entire episode of the now deceased barbarian denying and justifying stuff like that in a childish way.I laughed my ass off that episode, what's wrong with it? OP just used our offtopic banter, simple as that.
>>661047You're a retard
>>661047Pretty much...No...100% accurate. OP literally combined all of our banter. Mostly Solid's, but still.We were more in character than all the other races.Elves tried to fight outside the forest.Gobbos befriended the tallest raceOrcs tried to make technology and learn stuffDragons always spent moneyBarbs raid shit. Accurate events.
>>661055Enjoy your rockophobia
>>661055If that is your only response with no valid feedback, you really have no voice to further this conversation.Save the insults for Canon
>>661060Remember chi asked why people disliked barbarians and I told him why. He then just talks about something unrelated and says something about me which is untrue. He looks like nothing more then a attention seeking troll who doesn't understand what other people are saying.
>>661063>Rock asked me why people disliked barbariansFucking mobile.
wow so much arguing
>>661109Do you see the salt, OP?This is all your doing.Be proud.
>>661121I mean all I did was ask a question
>>661124Well, you can guess that asking which tribe is best tribe would bring some salt on the table.
>>661132Yes but which tribe is best tribe though
>>661151why won't you answer that question
>>661057>Orcs tried to make technology and learn stuffyou guys also made technology and tried to learn stuff. It's not like Orcs had a set characteristic before that, we were nomads and seeing as how we got around pretty well (From Orc Camp, to Elven Camp, to eventually becoming Travelling Band of Weebs until THAT roll)
>>661161Barbs had fire and skull hats, we had inventions from the start
>>661154A Tribe Called Quest
>>661166QuiteUnusualElf Salt TastersOh shit!
>>661166>even OP is biasedno one wins
>>661168>>661174>doesn't know what A Tribe Called Quest isSee this is why you're uncultured barbarians
>>661176I'm ok with that
>>661176> was trying to be funny>failed>ohwell.jpegAnd when was me not knowing something unusual? It's not. Like barbarians. We are NORMAL CIVIL PEOPLE
>>661178Then are you okay with barbarians being extinct and never inventing Coldgate, I guess so
>>661182At least we had Flaming Rock Hard Boner Spears
>>661182no, I'm not ok with that
Anyway, update soon, smiling kid soon
Alrighty then. This is your next protag, The Smiling Elf Kid.You grew up in the city and live with your Mom and Uncle. Your mom just sent you out for groceries, what do you do?
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>661225punch self in the face
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>661225Go to the grocery store. Are we slaves?
>>661230Maybe, maybe we're all slaves. Slaves to da system, maaaaan. Slaves to destiny.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>661241Rebel against the man by buying groceries radically.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>661241But not slaves to the kingdom
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>661241have you been listening to that crazy manlet neighbour again?
>>661243What's a slave anyway. Mom hasn't teach you that yet.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>661247Stop by the bookstore after getting groceries and buy a dictionary, kiddo
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>661247where did you learn that word?
>>661250Now, which store
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>661262comic tomes for all our super hero needs
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>661262Books R We
>>661263Ah yes of course
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>661277Its time for Judith Warrior Princess.Opression of the Manlets issue 3
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>661277Set fire to the store
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661277Look for slave man comics in the adult section.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>661277look for the most edgy cover
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>661300>>661282
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>661300learn a lot about power dynamics and shit
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>661300Realizing you don't want to be badly influenced by these devil books, go to the grocery store like a good little boy.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>661300nah, manlet suck, try looking for barbarian comic tome
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>661300>>661303
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>661300Buy.
>>661308That is so totes a arian barb mom
>>661308This book won like 5 awards
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>661320your Intelligence stat increases
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>661320Emulate your idol Barbarian-man
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>661320reviewers are just sellouts
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>661320Remember we gotta get groceries.Don't wanna disappoint mom and uncle.
>>661325Go to bed, Canon
>>661334Actually, Canon's this guy >>661304
>>661335Ugh. I am normally good about that
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661338Wait how did we understand the comic?Do we even know how to read?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>661338Go get the grocerys like a good boy for mom
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>661338throw that rock
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>661338Thats enough playing around, time to be a good boy and get groceries for mom and uncle.
>>661340Just check the IDs, that's what they're for
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>661338Poopen elf pants
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>661348set rock on fire
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>661348Ow!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>661348*the rock Breaks a window*
>>661351Well you did threw a rock inside a city, it's bound to break a window sooner or later
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>661361Run to the grocery store, it'll give you an alibi.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>661361Call some guards and admit you accidentally murdered a man with super human rock throwing skills an that your very sorry
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>661361throw another rock
>>661364"Hah?""Pfft yeah sure, nice joke kid"
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>661370I'm serious, look over there where there used to be a wall.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661370tell them you will prove it then throw another rock, this time at them
>>661372"Yeah sure, and I'm actually a being from another realm of existence using this mortal guard body as a host for my terrible powers. Now run along and play somewhere else, kid"
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>661378Realize it must have been another random giant rock falling into his house, and move along to the grocery store.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>661378What does "slave" mean?
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>661379>>661378
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>661378Suck my elf dick
>>661382Oh yeah, that thing
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>661386Ask a guard for an escort
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>661386Buy that shit
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661386look at the back
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>661386Skip to the mall all carefree, as a completely non murderer, innocent, non mentally scarred elf kid.
>>661387"An escort? Like, Like a prostit--""No you dumbass, the kid's asking for a bodyguard""Oh, okay. I knew that"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>661398No, like a prostitute
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>661398Thanks!Im just a kid! Alone. In the cold. With a sweeeet jacket.Go to grocery store
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>661398Go buy the groceries already
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>661405Fooled you again!*smile*
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>661405Let's go already.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>661405okay well I'm off to buy groceries hope you enjoyed the goofs
>>661410Right, groceries, groceries. Gotta be a good boy so you'll get an allowance raise.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>661414Potatoes, cabbages and eggs
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>661414Get 7 eggs, 3 cabbages and 4 potatoes
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>661414Go to the veggies to get the Cabbages and Potatoes first. You certainly don't want to get eggs first and end up dropping them!
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>661414Alright, 6 eggs, 2 cabbages, 3 potatoes, and 5000 loaves of bread, just like it says on the list
>>661420"ah, greetings, tiny elf kid. How can I help you today?"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>661430Show him your list
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>661430Cabbages, please! For mom!
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>661430I was told to buy 300 cabbages and 40000 potatoes!
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>661430commence haggling
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>661430Hi mister! Can get 2 cabbages and 3 potatoes for me and mom and Uncle!
>>661435"alright, you need 2 cabbages and 3 potatoes. That'll be 5 coins"How will you respond?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>661439Take them and forget to pay him as you walk away.
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>661439How about 3 coins? Just look at our cute little face.
Rolled 58 (1d100)I haven't participated in a NaP quest ever since Solid FamilyWhy does OP have such a murderboner for protags?>>661439Here's your money, sir
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>661439Smile and give him 5 coins.
>>661443It's not me, officer. it's the dice, I swear
>>661443Cuz we have too many. And its mostly Saitama Orc and Canon killing us
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>661447>>661448Nah, it's just that OP is an asshole>>661450Hey OP! You're a fucking asshole!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>661450Now for the last thing to get! 6 whole chickens! So they each lay 6 eggs!
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>661450Go get eggs in the same fashion.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>661450Eeeeggggssss
>>661453"That'll be 12 coins, kid"
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661459Give him the coins if we got the money. If not then just ask for 6 eggs.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>661459Give him the money
>>661462"HAHA! I DON'T EVEN WORK HERE! THANKS FOR THE FREE MONEY STUPID"Then he ran away
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>661465GUARDS, THAT BIG MEANIE TOOK MY MONEY!
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>661465Throw a rock at the scoundrel
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>661465Cry and tell a different pair of guards that your money was stolen by a beardy man
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>661465Tell the guards to catch him
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>661465Cry and tell someone an old man robbed him.
>>661471"Ooooh, too slow"
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>661480Throw an entire market stall at him
>>661480Yell for guards to help and apprehend that villain who may or may not be a barbarian in disguise
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>661480Hereditary psychosis kicks in. Throw another rock
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>661480get mad, time to set something on fire
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>661480Yell for help. Anyone, a guard, a conveniently placed burly gentleman, anyone.
Rolled 60 (1d100)A bit too hasty
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>661497Yell for guards help!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>661497with some sticks like cavemen did, just rub those fuckers together as fast as you can till something bursts into flame
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>661497Deciding your money is more important than any pyrophilic tendencies, yell for help.
>>661503"alright, what happened?"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>661514A beardy guy with a pointy hat stole my money! 12 coins! Mom worked hard for it so I could buy her food here!
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>661514"THAT DUDE STOLE OUR 12 COINS! PLS HELP MR.GUARD"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>661514Old scruffy beardy man stole my money!
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>661514a thief stole your money and needs stabbing, ask for the guards sword so you can do so
>>661526" 'kay""Oh fuck"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>661538Thanks, Mr. Guard!
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>661538He's a barbarian!
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>661538start calling that specific guard oniichan and idolise him
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>661538Thanks guard-man!Give him a coin for helping us, and go back to shopping.Also, ask if we can take the old man's hat.Looks funky.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>661538Thank him and do what you do best, smile.
>>661546"Nah kid. They're too dumb to pull something like this off. No, you've been duped by The Chicken Shop Swindler. He's notorious for impersonating chicken merchants to take peoples money. Been caught a few times but he stole relatively little then so we only imprisoned him for a while. But with this, this though. He's going up on the chopping block""Oh c'mon man, it was only 12 coins. I stole like 20 before and that only got me 6 years!""Yes, but this time you commited another crime, even worse""What's that?""Teaching children about stealing"
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>661563Can we have the Chicken Man's hat?I like it.Also, give the guard a coin for helping us, he's been real nice.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>661563Perk learned. Theivery and Swindling
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>661563Smile and go buy eggs.
>>661570"Sure, kid. And keep your coin, you may need it for something else""This is bullshit! That's my property!""Ah! Swearing in front of children! That's another execution!""Goddamnit""Ah! Taking the lords name in vain in front of children! Another execution!"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>661584Egg time
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>661584Well, let's finish our shopping, then go back home and show mom our dank new hat
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>661584attempt to pick the guard pocket
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>661584Let get some nice eggs.
>>661590"See?! Kid's already trying to pickpocket, because of your bad example! You should be ashamed of yourself!"
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>661599Apologies, mister
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>661599yell "Jesus christ" and call the guard a fuckwit