Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved (in varying degrees) by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.Now they must either accept their fate or break out and free their own tribe. Other tribes optional.Your current protagonist is Barbmom, a barbarian, uh, mom, who managed to escape her tribe's enslavement.Currently you're in hiding and planning a way to assassinate the King to free your peoples. What do?Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.Previous threads:http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2Ahttps://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>699213do we have plan B?Without King killing?
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>699213well get the obvious out of the way and it's traditionpunch self in facefor as tradition for barbs
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>699225revise plan, remove King killing part.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>699225make a diaramah of your idea for escaping. since technology is limited use what's around you now.
>>699227Okay so this piece of cheese is you and this cup is the King
>>699231now what if the cheese would walked behind the cup...
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>699231focus entirely on escaping without trying to attack the king directly.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>699231>>699232shit forgot to roll. hop more people show up or this game is gonna end real quick.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>699234timeframe is partly unusual, chances are slim>>699235simulate attack, realize that it is futile and focus on saving rest of your tribe and escaping in the wild.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>699235shit, maybe the orcs can help with the plan.... nah maybe just focus on escaping than killing the king.
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>699238the cup is sad
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>699238eat cheese and check your skills
>>699239As seen through this sad face you scribled on it
>>699240man your rolls have been terriblessed bro. Dice god mad at you or something?
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>699241the cheese and cup were star crossed lovers when PLOT HAPPENS!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>699241check your current equipment, skills, stats and what your know about other barbs at this moment>>699242I blame elves
>>699244yeah they do ruin everything. Even their delicious pants.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699247how is barb standing with the orcs, maybe we can trick them in to helping us escape.
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699247can we during night visit local graveyard and get yourself some skellies?Where we are located atm?
Rolled 15 (1d100)2 people too little, postponing thread?>>699252just focus on barbs then. do we have plan of arena and how far it is from city wall?
>>699252o jeez, maybe locate some barbs and have a group meeting and brain storm.
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>699252go do some king recon
>>699257Current status: spending a lazy afternoon lounging around in the royal gardens
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>699260have we learned his weaknesses up to this point?
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>699260how are we so sneaky, do we have ninja barb skills?
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>699260pose as gardener to get a closer look.
>>699263Because men never pay attention to women#topical
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>699266>>699265
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>699266that means that we can easily go wherever we want?Visit graveyard and raise all corpses for distraction purposes.
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>699266find a weakness in the king. He's not a god.... right?
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>699270closer....
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>699270observe intensly
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>699270Wait until he falls asleep
>>699275"Man, this is a pretty cool afternoon, all breezy n shit. Maybe I should just doze off..."
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>699277oh shit, an elf kid
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>699277search the sleeping body!
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699277and this is the man which killed off your tribe, lazying around pretending to be innocent. silently thru teeth curse him and leave.
>>699279"Hiya, uncle""z..z....wuh?..Oh Hi kid, 'sup"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699283 I hope in all these shenanigans that Barbmom won't fall in love with the King....; that would be lewd
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>699283TACTICAL RETREAT
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>699283leave ASAP
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>699283scream insanity
>>699286"Who's that lady standing behind you?""Who in the what now? What lady?"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>699291That Elf kid is clearly important to the King, we must plot to assassinate him to make the King depressed.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699291blame elves.using that nobody from male guard notices you, get a rough plan of Arena and way towards city walls drawn
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>699291back to the drawing board... meaning back to the cheese and cup...
>>699292So new plan, assassinate this elf kid that's all buddy-buddy with the king for some reason. Weird, elves were also enslaved like your tribe.
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>699299No, screw killing, focus on saving other barbs and escaping. lock in confirmkilling will be later. way later
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>699299See if there's any babysitter jobs we can take, if we're lucky we'll get asked to take care of the kid. AND THEN WE'LL KILL HIM
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>699299the elf boy... find out more about the elf boy, dig up dirt on the elf boy, the secret lies with the elf boy
>>699301Let's take a peek at the local messageboard
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>699304That top middle oneGet itWe'll blend in with their society.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>699304grab the baby sitter one... maybe we can find the pedo at the same time... wait experiment... grab that instead
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699307shit grab the experiment one too
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>699307>>699309Grab the experiment one and see what it says
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>699313Look on back
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>699313Do this side quest firstWe might be able to save our son from being a complete faggot
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>699313do it!
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>699316Do it
>>699317According to the paper, this is the place.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>699320Looks kinda smallThat doorway can fit a Gobbo only
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>699320Walk inside. If we can fit. It's probably a manlet scientist!
>>699321Yes, but why would gobs live in the kingdom, weren't all tribes enslave--"Oh hey, you must have seen me ad...OH SHIT A BARBARIAN"
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>699304can we actually can recruit Lolisniffer? Using necromancy powers.>>699323Be as peaceful as you can, explain that you bring no harm. for now
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>699323TAKE ME BACK IN TIME OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>699323I would like the job please
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699325>>699323
>>699325"w-woah, okay, c-calm down now"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>699329Dont tell me what to do!*punch the door frame*
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>699329>>699329Okay, now calm down. Don't want him to fuck up the time travel and send us into the future.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>699329I also brought lunch with me. Will jerky do?
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>699329give me tea as well! raaarrrgg
>>699332"Y-yeah so uh, r-right this way"
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>699336then walk this waay talk this waaaay now gimme a kiss!
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>699336Call him a wuss
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>699336did we bring a lunch? share some with manlet, he looks so thin, probably don't eat enough
>>699341Hah. Are you gonna play up the mom part?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>699344>>699341
>>699343I recently had relatives visiting, so it's still fresh in memory
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>699346eat it all up!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>699346Okay, take us back in time now
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>699346now chew properly young manletanyway, I won't harm you, probably. Tell me about this back in time thing.
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>699346Now get me to tge machine
>>699349"kay, jush shtepp ing dhere"
>>699357chew properly you manlet.Get in the time machine.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>699357CHEW PROPERLY YA WUSSWhat happens if machine doesn't work?
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>699357>>699358muh roll
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>699357get inside, mock his decor
>>699361"Fine geez, preparing for time travel to...."
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>699365THE FUTUREOH SHIT
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699365take me around time riiiiight before king decided to murder everyone
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>699365take me on a wild ride manlet
>>699369wavy timey whimey space travel! wheeeee
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699369>>699370damn you dice
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>699369it's a huge success, right?
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>699369He sent us to the Brock battle in the fuuuutuuuure
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>699376Sneak upon the King's brother and knock him out with a rock
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>699376Leap off the wall and find that midget piece of shit!
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>699376Reconfirm time and place
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>699376tell him you have to kill him or his son will die in the future.
>>699379"A barbarian? What are you doing here in the city? Shouldn't you be out there in the savage lands getting rekt?"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>699382Seduce him
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>699382Summon Meteor
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>699382I've come from dark future to tell you that killing barbarians will seal your demise!Stop war at once, there is a greater foe to fight against!
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>699382no umm I'm from the future and umm I am your daughter
>>699385"Really? Who's that?"
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>699390uhaliens, with like rape tentacles and shit
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699390That beard is beautiful
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>699390The Goblin Rider!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>699390ANCIENT EEEEEVIIIIL WHICH WAS FED ON MINOR GODS FLESHMORE DEATH WILL FUEL ITNow as we being talking Dragons let it escape!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>699390The king himself will be taken over by umm the dark one the only way to stop it is if the king dies before he is taken over!the dark one can only survive in the king because it's so powerful
>>699394"Well now that's a weird name"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>699399>>699393they are sexually harassing women and men alike in the future!
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>699398>>699399man a waste of a hundy
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>699399>>699395
Rolled 8 (1d10)>>699399>>699396Also our god is a fag and I wanna murder him until he'll get more powerful
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>699399Yes It's the hair molecules from all facail hair that have combined together The only way to stop it is by letting me pet your beard
btw op the civ aftermath adventure zip has like part 1~4 only, did something happen
>>699405I haven't uploaded the new parts yet, whoops. Will do it now.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>699409anyway, do you really ok with your brother killing off random savages? They never attacked the city after all.There are human kids right now there dying just cause they didn't grow in comfort of your city.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>699398>>699409also this
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>699409lol jkactually the future threat is "ancient evil awakens" Lady evil because she hates patriarchy
>>699412"That seems highly unlikely"
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>699415>>699411also ask to ignore previous babble, time traveling messed up your thoughts
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>699415how else do you think this great evil can survive!? and how else can me being here when they could have sent a knight!? there are no more knights, it was just me and a manlet!
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>699415Also an alternate future version of my son, Canon Solidhat arises and kills you and your brother, but you know. Women were opressed.
>>699417"And what proff do you have that you're a time traveller?"
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>699419Show fire magic prowess... also newspaper
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>699419My younger self is fighting against the King right now.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>699419tell all what you know about King after all this time of observationregular barbarian won't be able to know this.also about new comic tomes spoilers
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>699419did you not see the portal?also your king will be visited by orcs. in his room.
>>699422"Oh so you know about his afternoon lounging habits. How does that make you a time traveller?"
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699426Spoil all the comic tomes
>>699427"Pffft, that sounds totally made-up. There's no way The Human Spider would have his body taken over by his enemy and have his soul deleted"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>699429it goes on for a year. and the king will be visited by orcs via portal
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699429Aw, fuck it.You win war, enslave us all to fight in arena and I'll be seeing my sons die. Also Human Spider thing is true, deal with it wussI'm here to stop that. Got problem with that? Now fuck off, I have your brother to kill.
>>699429fuck you OP for reminding me of that crap!
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>699429Also Brock gave us magic again*show firefist*
>>699432"Right, now we have a problem"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>699438stupid brain, getting impatient and shit
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>699438>implying you'd believe all bullshit I said anywaylook, we just wanna live out there, king is out to get us. I know you have spies on our village, do we really any danger for you? Let us live our life.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699438Your not allowing many options. Feels railroady
>>699441blame the elves.
>>699441Blame the dragons
>>699441Blame the Time Police
>>699439"Don't worry, lady. I'm a firm believer in equality"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>699448then why your brother kills savages for fun?should you stop him or something?
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699448*swoon*
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699448*swwwwooooooonnnnn*
>>699450"As in women should get hurt just like men do. so if you're causing trouble I'm going to punch you."okay may less swoon
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>699453evade his attack and run from city
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>699453Time to punch the skeleton out of him
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>699453wuss wuss wuss
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>699453still swooning
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699460run to the kings room exclaim his brother had gone mad and tell him your the future use the proof you gave the brother hurry!
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>699460continue to spoil comic tomes and other popular media while you run away from him.Also say that he is a wuss and always in a second place cause he lets his brother do what he wants
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>699460Use mom powers to save your barb kids
>>699461But he aint here though
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>699460https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ>>699464continue running while searching for some sort of clues how to stop the king
>>699465"Why are you barbarians always acting so uppity anyway. You summoned an ancient evil to destroy everyone"
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>699467WE DID NOT. SUMMON. A THING.PERIOD.The fuck you talk about.It locked up in dragons place anyway
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>699467That wasnt uuuuussssss! Dragons have the demon gate!
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699467because you have... sand breaking hips... shut up!
>>699468also KEEP RUNNING
>>699468"What dragon place? You savages literally summoned that monstrosity in an effort to destroy the Bird People. But now it threatens the safety of everyone"
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699473Let's talk for a little bit. Are you married?
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>699473THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKIT'S FUCKING FUUUTURE?okay nigga, I think there is misunderstanding. Stop fightingWHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>699473I told you it's hereally to take over your king and kill the future
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699473What the fuck!?! This isnt the past!
>>699477we have been had!nice one OP
>>699477Oh but it is the pastIt's just not your past
>>699480Alternate Canon Solidhat confirmed villian
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>699480fuck where are the Orcs?
>>699476"Oh so you summoned a future destroying monster just to kill some birds, congrats stupid. But him being taken over would give me a good excuse...">>699482Not that either
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>699484Oh well, might as well and help then.RAISE UNDEAD SOLDIERS! PUT FISTS IN FIRE! ROCK MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaJw6lqGFewCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE METEORS!Show the ancient evil the power of most hated civ.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>699484>>699474
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>699485>>699484
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>699489CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
>>699489we fuck up
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>699489Make that thing into a skeleton!
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>699489>>699490This
>>699490Battle battle battle fight fight fight pow pow pow
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>699494here is also your personal BGMhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca_mgn3C_JgPunch the shit out of ancient evil, it's a good way to stay fit
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>699494punch with fire fist of fire
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>699494Skeletize that skull!
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>699498wuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssss
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699498pulverize ancient evil into nothingnessthat's your daily workout done
>>699500It aint having any of dat
>>699503how do you get back to your own time?
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>699503whoa. rude.get angry
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>699503>>699504
Rolled 1 (1d10)test?HELLO?ANYONE THERE?
Im here. Also at workAlso captcha is giving me 50 charwcter words da fuq
>>699506Well now that's a question, how did you plan to return to the current time in the first place
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>699512Find that universe's version of the Manlet Doc BrownHe'll have a time machine for sure
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>699512Punch manlets until one does it for me
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699512we can settle that AFTER we done with this monstrosity. Proceed for attack, check it's damage.Also don't touch me with your filthy hands, mustache dude. You are not man enough yet to do so. Don't even have a beard.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>699512magic machine man
>>699516"I had a goatee, but was advised against keeping it due to it making me looked "too obviously a bad guy". But then again, why would I take the word of a barbarian into consideration">>699513It's the same universe
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>699518such a wuss, can't even keep his measly beard. I bet you can't even throw rock into ancient evil eyes hard enough to knock them outlet me do that instead
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>699518he goes full RUUUULES OF NAAATUUUUURREE on the ancient evilyou are the sword, of course
>>699520It was ineffective
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>699525throw HARDER
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>699525That ain't the right size of rockTHROW A BOULDER
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699525Declare that you like rough and tough man, want to make babies with him after defeating the monster.
>>699527"Shit, you suck"
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>699530EVEN BIGGERSUMMON A FUCKING METEORROLL FOR IT
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>699530>>699531
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699530Brock lied to usRock throwing sucksUse a flaming steel beam instead
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>699530scream about it being sexist!
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>699530>>699531
>>699534Caused slightly better damage"Maybe it's not the tool that sucks""Yeah, maybe barbarians just suck""I could probably throw better with...uh...a pebble""Nigga you lyin' "
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>699538Prove them wrong. Roll for it
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>699538METEOR STRIKEROLL
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699538throw ANGRIER also >>699539
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>699538Throw merc at him while merc is throwing the king who stabs the ancient evil with a holy lance
>>699213what's happening? We still alive? I just remembered this.
>>699543just slipped into parallel timeline, aside of that it's all good. probably
why does the King look different?
>>699540Roll 2d100 for Meteor, first is pickings, second is number.1-4 : meteor burns up into nothingness in atmospheric entry5-20: smallest meteor 20-40: small meteor40-80: medium meteor80-99: large meteor100: full power meteor>>699544It's not a parallel timeline
Rolled 49, 53 = 102 (2d100)>>699546TRIPLE DIGITS
Rolled 29, 10 = 39 (2d100)>>699546You said it was!
Rolled 42, 80 = 122 (2d100)>>699546SHOW THEM WHO IS DA BOSS NOW
Rolled 14, 27 = 41 (2d100)>>699546
Rolled 32, 96 = 128 (2d100)>>699546but why does the king look different?
>>699546>It's not a parallel timelineit's confusing, okay
Rolled 85, 15 = 100 (2d100)>>699546
>>699547>>699548I said this is indeed, the past. Just not your past. But that doesn't mean I meant it as a another world, I jsut meant that as another point in the timeline
>>699546bit we didn't have bird people back then... did we?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>699558Am I really the only one thinking the King looks different? If we're here what's happening to the tribes btw?
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>699558ohhhhhhhh we went further back then....right?
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>699558OH COME THE FUCK ON NOWKILL THAT THING ALREADY WUSSES, YOU WANT A LADY DO ALL THE WORK?
>>699561Oh shite, maybe you are indeed further back in the past! Maybe that manlet d-"Pfft, bro, check this out. Pebble throwing""Bruh"
>>699567I just realized the King looks younger. We should have realized it when OP name dropped bird people since we never had bird people. This is a different Civ Thing. Find a way back to the present and kick that Gobbo's ass for sending you to the wrong time
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>699569holy shit I hope this reaches
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>699567fucking demigods
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>699567Dats sexistYell at monster for no selling you and being a shitty worker
>>699569We already knew thisAnd randomly finding the manlet who sent is back won't work That and we went back in past to stop the king but went into a parallel time line
>>699575It's not a parallel timeline, it's the time before Civ Thing 1.
>>699575We go back where we came from, what's so hard about that?
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>699567if I were man I would go to the time I wanted...
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>699580so umm hey about the-RUN RUN RUN!
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>699580Leave
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699580are we done yet? no second phase shit? Time for jerky.bring out your lunch
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699580fuck this shit and go back where we came from
>>699576I mean bird people and barbs summoning ancient evils even though they never did that
>>699586We don't have a way to do thatDoc brown manlet isn't here and it seems like the time machine is one way
>>699590It's from an earlier time. Jeezus the king even looks younger, how are you not seeing this?
>>699590The timeline as in The World's timeline, not the Civ Thing timeline
>>699586Well if your geography's correct. You are currently standing on where you came from. Specifically where your village will be, years from now.
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>699596wait, did the king become a niggeR?
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>699596oh shit turn around
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>699596Go a little bit east and bury our horned skeleton helmet there
>>699593Quote merc "shouldn't you be in the savage land getting rekt" which implies that the kingdom has already started attacking the tribes
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>699596Oh no The king is now a part of the ancient evil
>>699602>he thinks the tribes in civ thing are the only tribes to exist in the entire history of this world
>>699602different tribes, how is this hard to comprehend?
>>699598"You fucker, I told you not to touch the evil writhing black mass""REEEEEE"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699610welp, let's go leave this garbage dump and go see the tribes of this era
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699610PURIFYTurns out ancient evil is allergic to your homemade jerky"it's all because you don't eat healthy food"
>>699612All you need is to look to your left"Fuck off jackass! Both your and my tribe is fucking dead because of your ancient evil shit! Leave me alone!""FUCK YOU BIRD BRAIN"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>699619>>699601
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>699619nah, fuck those, no beards, no rocks, use some shitty spears which is not on firelet's just heal king >>699613
>>699620Maybe it'll grow into a bigger skull if you water it daily
>>699625There's just two tribes? There's gotta be more than that, interrupt those two idiots and ask them where the rest of the factions are.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>699625>>699613
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>699625>>699627fuck shit
>>699625Wasn't there a temple to a AncientBrock/Barbarian champion there with a skull helm? That's what I was getting at.
>>699632Hence the growing bigger if it's watered daily
>>699629"There's no need. he is already purified. By dying. And now, as the next immediate heir, I'm The King now"
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699634... jerky?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>699634k tnx bai, let's go to where the elves forest would have been and see if the faggots are there
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>699634>not "I'm the Captain now"Oh and seduce him
Do the birdmen live in the Would-Be Dragon Mountains by any chance?I swear that place has an affinity for sealed ancient evils
>>699636There's only a tiny plant there
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>699638>turns out BarbMom will make dragons out of birdmen via throwing meteorsit makes sense>>699639piss on it
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>699639Piss on it
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>699639Punch it, I have no idea what the ramifications would be but I bet it'll be big.
>>699640>>699641>Double 1s>Same actionDice God confirmed Elf Lover.
>>699640>>699641Woah hey, I don't wanna know about your fetishes you sickos
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>699644burn it then, wuss
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699644shit on it, give it all the nutritions it needs to grow
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>699644>elves grew up eating piss grown fruit and vegIt suits them perfectly fine. Just be lazy and put a black censored screen and say she pissed on it
>>699646Wow, shit tier fetish, my man.Anyway gotta be away for 30 minutes, pls hold
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>699647Also explains why eles were blonde and degenerate
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>699649just burn it with fire.
>>699634this entire time!?
>>699649roll+1d100Elevator Music enabled
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>699649did we accomplish our goal killing the king
>>699659dice+1d100is this how it works? babehs first roll
>>699663You have to put the dice+1d100 in the options field
>>699663Put that in the options field
>>699672>>699671 Thank you! first time to the quest board, Kisses
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>699674Another good deed done. Now then, let's go check out orcs.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699674Put out the fire and take the ashes, ya know, for bragging rights.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>699678in the authority we don't do anything to fuck them up anyway
>>699679You got:some ashes
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>699681>>699678
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699681>>699682
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>699681Kill time. Wait to go home
>>699683In the place where the orcs would be years and years later, you find...a big fat loadanuthing
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>699688welp, uh we do know where the Dragons were supposed to be right? Go to where the Citadel would be
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>699688oh yeah, they are wandering faggots.anyway, gotta think what do now. Doubt we'll be able to damage kingdom alone. Can develop local barbarians into something sturdier for future buff?
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>699688WEll pfft, shit, the past is pretty dull. Kick some rocks and shit
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>699688>>699687
>>699691Unbeknownst to you, this act would later create the dragons.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>699697Let's meet current barbs which bring upon kingdom this ancient evil shit
>>699698"The fuck do you want?"
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>699700Seduce him.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>699700lead your tribe into a brighter futureI mean my OWN tribe
>>699700Ask about ancient evil
>>699703"Pfffft, yeah sure, good luck with that, dumbass. Don't even have a skull hat, pteh"
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>699707okay, you asked for itwhat the monster you consider most powerful around there, I need a new hat.
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699707I sacrificed it to Brock you neanderthal
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699707find a bigger monster/creature and take their skull as proof
>>699714"Sacrifice to brock?....Oh! You worship a thing called Brock?! AHAHAHAHAHA! Fucking pussy, being under the thumb of some asshole in the sky. We proud barbarians are completely free of such nonsense, we have true freedom! Unlike your dumb ass."
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>699720Beat him upAnd smash his face in with a rocksteal his skullhat afterwards
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>699720true freedom of getting your ass kicked by thing you summoned and then kingdom?I bet you can't even throw rocks further than few steps away
>>699721"Ayy lmao, still using rocks. What, too dumb to make proper spears as projectiles? Or maybe that you can't kill anything without resorting to something bigger than your prey? Puussssyyyyyyy"
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699728Now steal that skull hat.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>699728PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF HIM
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>699728Remove his tongue
>>699729"Oh wow look at this pussy, can't get your own skull hat so you have to go and steal one. lmao"
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>699735Kick him in the nuts
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>699735Okay, let's just get better skull for ourself THEN we kill him with his own skull
>>699741"Hah! Can't even stay and murder me for my insults! I dunno what the fuck tribe you came from but it seems to be full of pussies and dumbasses"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>699748Go look for where the Dragons are suppose to be
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699748ah fuck itsummon meteor on himshort temper is terrible perk
>>699750"Pffft, when you use magic you still had to rely on rocks. Too dumb to summon anything else like a giant sword or a giant hammer. Or even a giant r--"
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>699753Sigh of relief
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>699753and nothing of value was lost
>>699757"Dis aint ova biaaatch. Imma haunt yo tribe and curse them foeva, lmao,. wooo woo woo"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>699761god fucking dammitrevive him with necromancy so you tie his soul to the skeleton (or what left of it) to keep an eye on that soulcall him Zebra Jr
>>699761And so that's where the barb's terrible scouting rolls came from
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>699761Let's punch ourselves in the face and pass out until we're in the present
>>699766Note that the present is very, very far from now. Like at least 2 generations. Do that and by the present time rolls around you'll be nothing but a skeletal corpse
>>699774fuck timeskips which result in gameover, you don't allow doing dumb stuff anymore, no?
>>699774Whoops forgot pic>>699777Timeskipping to death has been a thing since Dickass Thief
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>699774>>699777We have necromancy, we'll live go find a nice spot, turn ourselves undead and wait until some dumbfucks find us or we wake up. Passively charge up dark powers while passed out too
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>699774>>699781controlling NPCs was too, so?anyway - go look for nice skull to hunt for.
>>699785Yes and the amount of retardation it caused in this have turned me into a hateful, hateful person
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>699789but is ColdGate still safe?as well as commercial summonThis is important
>>699782Now where would be a nice spot
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699789>>699781Search for some big ass monsters, we need us some good skulls
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>699794nah, you like your flesh for now. go get new hat
>>699795Ignore this, didnt see other posts
>>699792YesNoMaybeI don't knowCan you repeat the question
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>699794let's go to the Citadel, so we can surprise those dragons when they accidentally dig us up
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>699794Just kill everything. The future sucks anyway
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>699794that cave over there looks safe and cozy
>>699796The past dragon mountains probably have a dangerous beast in it. Since it's called Beast Mountain currently
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>699806Beast, Schmeast. Let's go and fight it
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>699806I'm no scared of chicken brains
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>699806Throw a meteor at the mountain
Let's find the Dragon mountains, dig out a fancy cave and use necromancy to turn ourselves into a LichThen we spend untold amount of years learning magic like a hikkikomori until the dragons unseal usEventually.
>>699811heeeey, you did see what it does to a body? fuck thatdon't tie lore together, chicken brains
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>699811Oh thank god someone with the same idea as me. As cool as the past is, I want to see the ramifications of what we did here.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>699806Explore mountains for beasts to fight, or for a cup of tea.
>>699809Coincedentally the beast is a giant chicken
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>699821Welp this is stupid go do this instead>>699811
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>699821Hmm, would be a nice source of jerky.Rip its head off
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>699822Welp this guys retarded.>>699825Agreed, fight this big ass chicken
>>699825Chicken Jerky is for dogs .
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>699821We need to power ourselves up to fight the Kingdom in the present >>699811
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699821Aim for the eyes. Rock throw!
>>699825First, you must get pass its eye beams
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>699836Flee!
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>699836roll for DEX check
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>699836>>699841 + >>699829
>>699841Ah yes! A great plan! You're pretending to flee so the beast would leave its domain to fight you in the open! Because barbarians can't be running away like wusses, right?
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>699851totally, now go dig a hole and gather up some punch yourself to pass out while passively charging your necromancy magic
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>699851Yell to ourselves we should've tried to marry the king's brother so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit while still running
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>699851but of course, it was all planned, yes
>>699854The Chicken Beast gives chase and prevents you from digging a necro hole in peace
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>699862punch it in the face with fire punch
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>699862Punch it to death!!!!
Rolled 66 (1d100)fuck I gotta sleep. I trust Horny Dragon will find us a way to get us to the present before this playthrough ends>>699862Run towards wherever the bird people probably are, maybe they can speak to this thing. Also tell them how they're all dead in the future.
>>699865The beast is damaged
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>699872now punch another cheekI cooked and worse.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>699872Chop the cocks head off. Like a woman
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>699882Choke it with legs. Keep firepunching
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699882now rip his eyes off, don't you glare on me
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>699882Cook the cock.
>>699885Yes, you're choking the giant cock with your legs and punching it
>>699918Time for some chicken for dinner
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>699918ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAyou are already dead
Rolled 78 (1d100)Since we're in the civ thing that never happened wouldn't that mean we can talk to the tribal gods again?>>699918Finish the overgrown bird.
>>699923That's the wrong quote you dweeb
>>699929I'm no orc, sorry
>>699927You're in the time before the first civ thing. The civ thing tribes don't exist yet, and by extension, so do their gods>>699934Then don't make reference to japshit anymore if you aint gonna do it right, biatch
>>699937>Then don't make reference to japshit anymore if you aint gonna do it right, biatchfine, geez, so cranky
>>699927You broke the cock.With your legs.>>699940Yeah das right beetch.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>699945Right in time for a dinner!Also check his cave for loot, bring his body with yourself of course. will be our base
>>699948And so you made the Beast Mountains your base of operations. They're still named the Beast Mountains by everyone else because women are mosnters.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>699955don't forget to make a new hat
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>699955We gotta be real careful with our planning, don't wanna go changing the future too soon and having the time police show up.
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>699955Create that necro cave and start turning ourselves into a lich
>>699955>>699959oh also save game
>>699962The captcha has made me into a hateful person
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>699983Build up rage against the Kingdom for enslaving your race and lock yourself in a cave to practice magiks n shieet to take revenge when the time is right
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>699983aw fug, we go that route, eh? no way back?Cancel lichification? please?
>>699989Well it's not like you've completed the ritual anyway
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>700015Start up the ritual again
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>700015Seal your necromantic powers for nowuntil the time comes
>>700022fuck you too, dice god
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>700015Just make cave carvings of draggos getting anally penetrated constantly
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>700015Cast NecroSeal until you've taken the kingdom down>>700022i got u bb gril
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>700039Go past the point of no returnThe power of jerky moves us forward
>>700039Evil powers manifesting around you as skele-heavy-metal plays in the background
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>700039Aaaand stop itis it REAAAALLY only option? Think of alternatives
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>700043Fug.T'was a while since i forgot to put my dice in the field.
>>700046We can do this alllll day
>>700039try to learn ICE powers to freeze yourself
>>700052We don't even have enough shit to do the ritual properly.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>700052or all night. no, bad anon, no lich transforming, dark mastery is bad for your healthwe didn't even cook that bird yet
>>700046Yes, you do that
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>700066You're getting hungry.Let's cook up that giant chicken with our fire fistsCan't become a necromantic goddess of zambies with an empty stomach
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>700066let's cool down, eat some fresh jerky and explore cave you are in.and not try to make yourself into convenient piece of existing lore for now
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>700066Restart the ritual
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>700066Make a new skull hat
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>700077Running out of jerky.Still hungry.Barbarian rock-chef time.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>700077also save game.then start to check what do we have to work with. I doubt that monster was just doing nothing all the timeand new hat plz
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>700077Look around for manlets
>>700080Not really, this jerky was just made from the giant cock
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>700092Beware, there may be giant chicks around
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>700092save gameexplore caveI mean he gotta have treasure or something
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>700092It's all good then.Now make cock-hat.Then we can use our necro-powers to raise a headless cock. sounds painful
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>700113Create an undead mech with what's left of the chicken
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>700113Cool.Now explore that cave, if you will.May find some ancient reptilian artifacts
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>700113just let it down in the wild to scare other tribes, for shit and giggles
>>700116THIS is what's left of the chicken, it's already an undead
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>700126Well make a mech with it
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>700126>>700118
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>700126Now that our stomach is satisfied time to restart the ritual
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>700126Offer your kill to Brock"You there!?"
>>700135And so the undead chicken scared one of the tribe. Scared them so much they got heart attacks and died. But then turns out they were you ancestors so now you're being erased from history oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooBut then again, maybe I'm just kidding
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>700151>But then again, maybe I'm just kiddingwell you are, cause if that'd be the case we'd already fuck up a LOT of things in futurethere is no way this would happen, right?right?
>>700158Yes, of course I'm kidding. No way you could change history like this.It only caused all future barbarians to be complete and total wusses who are scared of everything. ultimately through their massive cowardice they willingly join the kingdom as slaves to have some semblance of security and spent the rest of their lives serving the kingdom and never inventing Coldgate.Oh hey, maybe I'm kidding again, who knows.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>700163Loot the cave?
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>700163You're kidding too much, quickly finish the ritual and hope you don't wake up in the far far future
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>700163but is Coldgate safe?do this >>700166
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>700181This is getting out of hand.I mean we didn't even do a quest to do this glowy powerup bullshit.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>700181Cancel ritual and cast some dark seal so it'll only start once you finish your current quest!>please nat 100
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>700181Dream of undead sheep
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>700181Nooooooooodon't do it
>>700190Yes, dream of undead sheep and other such things as you fall into a deep slumber beneath the mountains. Nesting, gathering your dark powers so that one day you may awaken and destroy the kingdom.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>700200And of course your ritual created a dark portal that should release you once openned
>>700200Guess this means new story time?
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>700200Goddamit, I thought we are over our edgy period of life.Come on, grow up ya wuss. Can't you kill king with your fists, not with tricks?
>>700209Hey, if it's okay for you to spam one course of action to take a character, then it's okay for others to do so too.
>>700200Just gonna see if I have this level of timetravel bullshit down yet.Barbmom goes back to civ thing that never happened, kills a giant demon thing with the king and totally a human king, goes to fuck about where tribes are gonna be, kills a giant chicken, and then goes to sleep.And then in Civ Thing she becomes that horror behind the dragon's door, who in turn might be Greg's mom.What I want to know is why did we choose fucking timetravel? This only complicates things.
Assuming we just became Greg's Mother, then who is Greg?Do we find and reanimate our dead son who is scared of jerky?
>>700211I like your general idea, just think it's too soon.I wanna explore more.
>>700218Like the idea of exploring more, but hey we got a powerup and we haven't slept yet so we won't die anytime soon, just try not to potentially fuck up history and make sure civ thing never happenedTime fuckery is always dangerous, the action of us kicking a pebble led to the dragons. Wonder how the forest will grow now
>>700203Of course, don't want to sleepwalk now.>>700213Don't ask me, ask this guy >>699318 for the reason. But regarding to timeline, yes, that's what happened.The only wrong part was The King here is actually the King's father. First showed up in Adventure Thing 2 in the Monk's adventure. Hence the stache+goatee combo.>>700215Nah, Greg is a new son. Born from the holy/unholy union of Necrobarbmom and A Paladin Boss. Way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy later.>>700218And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>700222We should make a few peepholes to the outside world to spy on how the tribes are doing, if we even still have control of eldritch horror mom.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>700223>And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.Heeeey, they got badass hero they look up on from now on.Some things are more precious than fortune, that's manlet dreamsso, save game end thread?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>700223Some faggy manlet stumbles upon the portal
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>700218People also wanted to explore with the other charactersYou know, while you were spamming posts about fighting everything>>700223Wake up to 2 dragons bickering while some masked guy open the door
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>700229>You know, while you were spamming posts about fighting everythingwell you can fight AND explore.ya wuss
>>700227Don't use that excuse. If you can dish it out while not taking it, that makes you a wuss. Are you a wuss? C'mon. Are ya?
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>700233I do not regret my actions, any of them.Call me whatever you want
We still have the ashes of the First Tree right?Sniff them to get good dreams when we sleep and await awakening
>>700243It's not about regretting, it's about doing something to other people then complain when they do the exact same thing back.
Also why are we sleeping the entire time?Let's do some indoor magik training and power up for all the time we're gonna be chilling
>>700228Manlets won't exist for a loooong time.
>>700251I don't actually complain. It was more of dice roll war for me. People can do whatever. I just add banter, maybe bad banter, but that was my only intention.I didn't complain about other barb threads which all go in not direction I wanted them to. If that'll do as any proof.
>>700257Make the entrance menacing and shit with dark edgy aura to get people insane
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>700257Some faggy fungus-that-will-evolve-into-a-manlet grows near our portal.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>700263>>700257Forgot roll
>>700266>>700262yeah sure m8
>>700275don't worry, I won't be able to mess with your threads all that longer anymore.
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>700275Mot menacing enough MOREAlso decorate our crib and make it comfy and shit
>>700281And so you did. Setting forth events and machinations for the fuuuture.The End.
>>700293thanks for bread
>>700311oh shit bread
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>700311add some slices sausages on that bread
>>700315>>700318OH SHIT THE BREAD IS BEING THIEF'D
>>700326Somebody should really call the guards on that Dickass Thief
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>700326fine, I'll eat just sausages, white bread makes me fat anyway
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>700339Gotcha! Jokes on you! That sausage is made out of soybeans!
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>700339Oh hey. Baby Greg. Complete with rattle
>>700345"lmao I'm only stealing this just so you can't have it. I aint gonna eat your gross ass foodd nigga"In other news the character slect screen remains...unselected
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>700363El Skelebool, the Paladin Mariachi bard.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>700363"and I'm here just enjoying the show instead of running around like idiot">In other news the character slect screen remains...unselectedjust roll for it yourself.Otherwise we'll be biased barbarians who choose
>>700363And now, to be the most unbiased as possible, I will sacrifice a live goat and read its entrails for information
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>700375B-b-b- but Skelebool!Cmooon. I backed Manlet Rider>>700379Skelebool pls
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>700379My inner goat says Orc!
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>700379The goat will obviously choose the elf kid
>>700379just saying that goat and skelebool share same skeleton
>>700379The neighborhood says sacrificing live goats is not allowed as they frown upon animal cruelty. Unless it's for food then it's fair game. But since this is not for food, I'll just have to listen to the goat's wisdomYes, yes Mr Goat. Hmm hmmm, alright, I see.
>>700398WHAT DOES THE GOAT SAYS ?
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>700398Goat confirmed as next MC
Rolled 2 (1d4)>>700403"Random Orc 1, Skelebro 2, Elf Kid 3, El Skelebool 4"
>>700415goat is biasedI like him already
>>700415And so the next guy is this fucker. Running around the city protecting the skelemanlets from paladins
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>700415Objection! Skeletons are lame!
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>700424you have one yourself tho
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>700429And it's super lame, just like the rest of me!
>>700423>>700424The Goat works in mysterious way
Alright so yeah, updates are here:https://twitter.com/notapaladinyadda yadda, see you next time, yadda yadda
>>700243Fagget ass muncher hypocrite.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>700437thanks for bread v2.0>>700440I love you too, anon
>>700437Oh no the fingers are becoming a singularity.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>700452RUN SKELEBOOL TELL THE OTHERS
>>700452space police gives us warning about not controlling NPCs
>>700455space time singularity police I mean
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>700466hello darkness my old friend
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>700466NOOOOOOOOOOOOOEVEN THE CHILD WAS NOT SPARED
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>700474Red screen of deathRIP time for civ thing 2
>>700437Thanks for thread. Update your shit!
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>700474ENHANCE
>>700474Wow I bet this was easy to make
>>700483I already did
>>700490It all makes sense nowbye
>>700490it's been awhile since patriotic quest actuallythat's why we need realrobo to win
God this took far more time than I thought it would
>>700508>Orc had 0 chance of being pointed atKek
>>700518I choose mystery box
>>700523No box in sightHow OP can draw so fast is beyond me
>>700552Vietnamese voodoo secrets
I just woke up, please tell me next adventure is Orc
ah shit no. Orc Quest never ever.
>>700569Never OrcsBut we did play a waifu today. A scary one, but one.
>>700561yeah orc keeps getting shafted
>>701513Maybe it's because in Civ Thing 1 it was the orcs who shafted everyone else
>>701513Not as bad as dragons where the only choice is Messiah who just happens to have been degraded from Hero unit to Support unit
>>701522really? because barbs have been trying to shaft every one else. It was a mystery box that did this, you would have done the same thing.
>>701525all in all saltyness is the real culprit
>>701556Not really, just because there's a box doesn't mean I'll have open it
>>701582If there's a mystery box it has to be opened.It could hold anything, it could even hold a mystery box.
>>701618Yes but there were very clear instructions to not open it
>>701641I have no regrets.Besides it sorta felt like you were getting ready to end Civ Thing, I mean what was that over 20,000 posts, so what better way than giving you a reason.Totally not just late justification for fucking up rolls
>>701659Can't we all just agree it was Dice God fuckery?
>>701897Nah, only on the saving rolls it was.
>>701897It's all the Orcs fault
>>701582that's a lie and you know it! >>701931blame the barbs, going on their murder spree, we had no choice but to look in the box.
>>702216>we had no choice but to look in the box.
>>702327>Lost our mud huts>lost our forest had >to live with Manlets>became nomads. Yeah choices were limited
>>702345The orcs were always nomads. They switched settlements several times even when it wasn't completely needed. Also I'm 99% sure that when the orcs were looking at the mystery box, none of them said 'hi we should use this against the barbarians as a weapon' or anything like that. The orcs just looked in because it because why not.
>>702369You find out what's in the box first and then you plan around it.Fuck saitama though he cost us our hair in our final turns.
>>702390IIRC only one Orc actually wanted to look inside the box at the time and any others were at least somewhat skeptical. Although I can't remember the name of the Orc who did want to look in the box if that was the case.
Last time I tried to wage a one-barb war against the king, I was drowned in spiders, the ate the spiders, then got wiped out. Status report for now?
>>702369Orcs don't have that much brain power of strategy. You know we were limited in our choice making. If you gonna play the part play it right.
>>702441I thought the Orcs were traveling north to find a safe place to build up without being molested by other tribes like the Elves did after being beaten by the Barbs.
>>702457We couldn't make a decision, Barbs just kept chasing us to kill us. One Orc said look in the box while I was asleep.
>>702457Original plan was to become nomads with a traveling caravan.Then the kingbox happened and it became go as far north and as far away from the citadel as possible.
>>702467It was Emergency Orc
>>702369Orcs lost everything, that was literally the reason why we decided for Box, there was nothing worse that could happen to us. We were barely a handful (We were like 6 or 4 in game), 5 jason swords were looking for us, and the Manlets have formed an alliance with the Humans effectively kicking us out, expected worst case scenario we were gonna leave the box, have the dragons, humans, and gobbos deal with it and cut our losses since it's not like we were ever gonna bounce back. >>702457That was the plan, then we opened the box. Honest, it's not like we had any idea that it was gonna fucking end the game.
>>703933The Jasons were pretty fucking irrelevant lmao
>>703947Skeletons would have rekt them cuz they had no blood to steal
>>703947The Jason Swords were pretty irrelevant. There were like 5 chasing after the elves but not a single one ever reached us.
>>704081They we're probably gonna show up whenever there was a low roll for scouting.
>>704794So any Barb roll
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>705353rolling >80 for overruling "any"
>>705386Out of how many scouts you guys did, how many actually succeeded?I vaguely remember you guys barely scraping a good result by a few numbers
>>705622I don't honestly remember exact number of total scouts. I think there was less than 10 but around 8.Actually successful were two scouts(?), one with Brock Temple, don't remember other one.All others, aside one negative result, were jack-shit results.
>>705677We found Brock Temple with Hat, then we found the Dangerous Beast hunting ground that we used for grinding.
>>704794>>705386If y'all suck at scouting, just don't. It's as simply as that really.
>>705782We did good with one scouting, we got the manlets freedom in this quest, we got a hat we should really reclaim for Holy reasons, and we got a really nice sword that came back to try and kill us all.
>>705782why do you think we focused on being aggressive against other tribes? Precisely because after failing this many scout rolls while others got better results - at least I thought that we have no other choice but to be aggressive, otherwise we'd never catch up.>>705779completely forgot about that
>>705826I thought it was because you were a hate driven character who wanted be a dick to other players in a order to get more (you)'s.
>>705900well, that wasn't my intention, but I can see how I could be seen like that.
>>705900alsowhy not both?
>>706030>>700262>I just add banter, maybe bad banter, but that was my only intention.Banter is just a way to try and get (you)'s
>>706071if I'd wanted (You) that bad - there are other easier ways to get them.
>>706089What would that be?
>>706101just go and post on /v/ in console wars or waifu threads
>>706101Making your own quest, fucking over players, or roll really good numbers they have to beat.>>706114Well that works as well.
>>706116>Making your own quest>easyI thought of that, but I don't have tenacity and enough motivationI prefer just draw robots
>>706138Okay yeah maybe that was a bad pick for "easy".Still it seems to work out well for NaP, I mean look at how many replies he got during the final bit of Civ thing.
>>706152and enough salt to send him to hospitalbut yeah, Civ thing was huge success
>>705900No. We legit had no better way to progress. We had shit scout rolls, but amazing murder rolls
>>706421I mostly remember the Barbarians slaughtering animals like river snakes, collecting their skulls and building up spells like meteor spam. When the Barbs did attack the Elves head on, it ended in defeat or a stalemate. The Orc fights I remember being more interesting overall but not amazing victories for the Barbs.
>>706421well I wouldn't call it amazing, around 50/50we had quite a bit of failed attacks>>706456I think we won only two attacks against orcs. when they were meeting with elves and when we attacked lone orc which was just standing near village.all other hand to hand battles end in our defeat or stalemate.Meteor attack was made partly out of fear cause at that moment orcs had way too high attack bonus and were located near us.
>>706491What that time after you launch a meteor on the old forest the orcs were occupying and it actually succeeded. I remember the orcs heading east for revenge and the Barbs west to finish off the orcs with both tribes meeting each other in the open. I remember that either in a stalemate favoring the barbarian or a barbarian victory.
>>706545dunno, my memory is quite shit for most part. Maybe Hats will clarify better than me.
>>706491Glad you agreed with the Meteor idea. It was a lot of arm twisting to convince you to grind.
>>706545Original plan was to try and put an end to all those fucking space rocks that came down every other goddamn turn, but we got our ass whooped and instead we tried to make a caravan home so you couldn't ever really zero in on us with more spacerocks.
>>706545Barbs won by killing Fred the Unicorn. It was 3 orcs vs the entire Barb tribe. Orc bonus was so high the entire population almost stalemated against 3 Orcs. Wanpan and a female Orc escaped.The same turn, elves fed the Orcs that stayed with them to the mutant forest.
>>706555we'll never know how'd barbatroopers would do thooh well.
>>706560Radius effects would have raped you. But we wouldnt have known where you moved too, like the elves.>>706572No._
>>706567To be honest the Orcs deserved it. They knocked out our champion and doomed our forest. It just felt right to kill the orcs with us when their population got devastated.Ps I'm Elf without hemp/Hemp chewing Elf
>>706583you are no fun
>>706603We did Rock Music, which we originally rhought would be more useless
>>706631well it was more SANE idea, that's why we did it.
>>706660That too.So... how will we make the Official Canon into Canon Solidhat and forever embed ourselves in NaP history much to the salt of every other player?We already made Barbmom Greg's mom. Should we futher taint the lorepool?
>>706678Stop dissing the OP.
>>706678Let's not go the George Lucas route.I don't want CGI barbmom tripping the king in the final battle of Kingslayer.
>>706714But we need to give the Kings Brother eyelids to blink! And Lolisniffer didnt shoot first!
>>706753>implying lolisniffer is a faster shot than texas
>>706770Not fast enough to not get raped 6 times
>>706678Who the fuck is Canon Solidhat
>>707244That's a good question. Let's wait and see the Barbarians response.
>>707244The arena barb who got stabbed to death in the arena by the centaur. Canon won the roll in that story
>>707574The hell does that have to do with the other Canon
>>707708Whatever our imaginations do with it, dammit!Why are you so grouchy today?
>>707722What, because I use swear words means I'm grouchy now fucker? Besides the arena barb is dead anyway.
>>707750Yea. Ya grouch. Also... altered history, blah blah blah
>>712162>altering history when you're already dead
>>703947that's because they didn't show up till the end of the quest, and by the time they showed up. There was barely a handful of turns left until we fucked up the saving roll.
>>713167Grrrruuuummmmpppp*thanks for the skeleton*
Alright, who's here for skeletons
>>719662I'm here for Orcs but skeletons are fine
>>719662I'm here with my totally unbiased actions
Alright, next protag, Skelebro, protecting skelemanlets from paladins. Currently managed to find a secluded hiding spot in a corner of the city to rest and regroup, what do?
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>719688Punch self in face
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>719688start punching ourselves furiously in the groin
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>719688silently punch self in the face and check current stats and skills and party
>>719696Your buddy, Skelebro Jr., has also gone missing
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>719702Have the skelemanlets scout ahead and see if it's safe to come out. They're smaller so they can hide easier.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>719702Any clues where Skelebro jr can be?
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>719702Try and use your skelesense to find out his rattling.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>719702Why do they hate us ;_;
>>719704Right, right, scouting.Roll 2d100 for results, first is pickings, second is decider.1-19: totally not safe20-69: not safe70-99: safe100: sweet loot
Rolled 80, 2 = 82 (2d100)>>719718scouting! What can pooooossibly go wrong
>>719720nice been knowing ya mini skelle bros
Rolled 57, 7 = 64 (2d100)>>719718barbs will never oroll high
Rolled 21, 17 = 38 (2d100)>>719718Give them a cardboard box also
Rolled 74, 23 = 97 (2d100)>>719718this is it, the dreaded barbarian scouting roll.>>719720>>719724Are Barbs just cursed for scouting?
Truly scouting for barbs is cursed, it's fucking cursed
>>719733so cursed that it stole the picture
>>719720Turns out the skelemanlets alerted some nearby paladins who purged them...and tracked them back to your hiding spot too.>>719737Because that wasn't the picture you dumbass
>>719739But this is
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>719739>>719741assuming we are in the corner of the city how hard will be to RUN THE FUCK AWAY OUTTA HERE?Protect your party while they are escaping
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>719741OH NO RUN BACK AND HOPE HE DOESN'T FOLLOW YOU BACK TO YOUR GROUP!
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>719741SWARM HIMPOWER OF NUMBERS
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>719741Loudly yell "WE DINDU NUFFIN, #SKELETONUNLIVESMATTER"
>>719743Attempting to protect skelemanlets while they make their escape
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>719751Taunt paladins so they switch all attention on you!
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>719751SKELECHOMP THE PALADIN'S FINGERS SO YOU CAN TAKE THE HAMMER
>>719755This gave the skelegobs the chance to slink into the darkness
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>719762now save your own bones and escape yourselftry to create a commotion, look for a crowd to hide in.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>719762throw our head towards the manlet, we can find a new body but first we need to escape!
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>719766But since you used your taunting to get the attention of paladins, escaping them entails....rolling the second number higher than my numberRoll 2d100Eh probably not hard
Rolled 69, 10 = 79 (2d100)>>719778ez
Rolled 59, 55 = 114 (2d100)>>719778muh rolls
>>719778I mean c'mon, it would be a a miracle to lose this
>>719780That was kinda close though, the fuck
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>719792AyyyyLet's regroup with our manlets
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>719792living on the edge.escape further, make sure that paladins lose track fo you
>>719793Now wwhere did they run off to
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>719801Look behind you, they were hiding in plain sight
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>719801We should also look for Skelebool, Fred, the skeletized Barbarian Ex-Chief, and our Skeledragon so we're not as weak. Where did we last saw them?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>719801look around you, which buildings have a nice deep basements. Preferably filled with tinkering.
also just saying that there was pedo skeleton sightedwe need him in our party.for lolisniffing reasons
>>719805Ah yes, those guys. Lessee. El Skelebool was last seen outside the city, Fred managed to escape into the sewers, Barbarian Ex-chief status is unknown while Boss Skeledragon managed to fly to some mountains in the South
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>719813To the sewers we go!
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>719813EXPLORE THE SEWERS
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>719813try to locate manlets first >>719806
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>719813Is this a collect-a-thon now? How many manlets do we have to find? Maybe one is hidden in this barrel.
>>719815Well, the nearest sewer opening has 2 guards near it"Man, I met an elf kid yesterday""Oh really?""Yeah, the kid was going shopping or something and then started asking for prostitutes n shit""wat"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>719823Whistle to distract one of them, when he comes by the corner, stealthily take him out by choking him.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>719823throw a rock to distract them
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>719823distract by throwing voice
>>719827"Hey, you heard that?""Yeah, sounds kinda like a rock thrown to distract us so we'd leaved out posts to go check it out""So, you wanna go check it out?""Yeah sure"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>719832Descend into the sewer while they're distracted.
Rolled 22, 3 = 25 (2d100)>>719833WELP CANT BEAT THAT, UNLESS I BRING DOUBLE 100SBackflip into sewer
>>719833YOu are now down in the sewers
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>719838light a torch or find one off a wall sconce
>>719838look around for secret passages, whistling good old rock music tunes
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>719838Shout and see if any manlets respond
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>719838>>719842fug
>>719841Kinda strange since skeletons don't even have eyes. But anyway, light.
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>719847search around for clues left by Fred
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>719847We roll to find our manlets
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>719847Time to follow some tracks
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>719847Sing a cute and catchy pop song from the east lure out Fred
>>719851Following some tracks
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>719858those some nice tunes actuallyappreciate Fred's taste
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>719858get a raging clue
>>719863"GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH IS THATTAWAY, FUCK!"
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>719868GO THAT WAY
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>719868go in general direction of THATTAWAY
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>719868THANKS RAGING CLUE
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>719875sup
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>719875nice daki
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>719875Ask him about what he knows
>>719876"Just down here chillin' while enjoying these eastern scrolls brah"