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File: europeandragon.jpg (142 KB, 640x440)
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Twitter: QuestingQM

Character Sheet (Full!):https://drive.google.com/open?id=1jI0aGxA_2h3SAcPYri-1fdgskbK3IbtfEzSLJ7VY9gU
Character Sheet (Renexizious Only!): https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xgNKMzLUZS9L05DUCxmsvuYs-bGPIRpQsFv5k7oaBBk

What is EDQ: A huge quest dedicated to CONQUERING THE WORLD AND BEYOND, with long and YUGE character sheets, a highly lustful dragon who's just as brilliant as often as he is inappropriate and morally bankrupt, who has taken over most of Europe and is totally not a closet nazi, and with a drunken QM half of the time.
Also, I really would like more players.

Last time on EDQ, we led a revolt against Vlad Tepes for some nice public relations, and Claw and Pragius got some screen time. Claw being the autistic fucktard he is went from nonchalantly autistic to "seek help now" autistic, then back again. Sort of. Pragius meanwhile has a slightly burned mane and is pissed off.

After the last of the human defenders flees the field of battle, you and Claw reconvene near the palace to decide your next course of action.

Personally, you feel like taking a nap on something, but bond by your oath of CHIVALRY, you won't sleep until your job is done!
Of course, now you think about how to take over the palace... But your body does feel a bit weak. You decide to slump down next to a building until you feel a bit better, while Claw absorbs a car or something to digest.
You also are curious to where your noble liege has gone off to. What would make him so busy or what would be so urgent that he would leave you and Claw?

Choose an upgrade!

Pragius (2x upgrades you can choose!)

>Stable Mutation
>Unstable Mutation
>Ultra Unstable Mutation
>Upgrade Mutation
>Gain Spell
>Upgrade Spell

Claw (1x upgrade!)

>Stable Mutation
>Unstable Mutation
>Ultra Unstable Mutation
>NEW: Gelatinous Mutations
>Upgrade Mutation
>Gain Spell
>Upgrade Spell
Noble roar

>NEW: Gelatinous Mutations

>Stable Mutationx2

>NEW: Gelatinous Mutations

Also QM, you can't stop running EDQ, this is the only form of rp I get since my Shadowrun 5 group exploded because none of us can tell a story that lasts longer than one session over skype.

...I miss my tabletops...
>Stable Mutation
>Gain Spell

>NEW: Gelatinous Mutations
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I know that feel senpai. I won't stop running EDQ, don't worry.

Claw has gotten a Gelatinous Mutation.

Roll me a 1d50 for what mutation he gets senpai.
Rolled 25 (1d50)

Also this literally the quest I have been in THE longest and most consistently.
I'm serious about that.
Rolled 12 (1d50)




Claw has gotten...

Claw can temporarily increase one of his stats and his size via absorbing or digesting many objects, and everything he absorbs will add to his mass and weight temporarily, meaning in theory he will have no maximum cap of storage.

In order to increase one of his attributes temporarily, he must absorb one-hundred things per temporary stat increase.

With that, roll me a 1d100 for what spell Pragius gets.
Rolled 34 (1d100)

That sounds potentially overpowered.
Just drop him in a city
Rolled 66 (1d100)

I'd say that it has to be roughly car-sized, and goes up to a maximum of +3 for each stat. I might change it later.

Pragius has gotten...

Astral Shield!

Pragius can summon a literal shield to protect himself or a group of people from most outside forces for a turn which are facing towards the shield. The shield can also be thrown and cause a small explosion of light, blinding enemies nearby.

Now, for stable mutations...

>Duelist (Pragius gets a +1 on combat rolls against creatures that are his size.)
>Critical Strike (Pragius's critical attacks are slightly more devastating.)
>Louder Roar (Pragius can roar louder and more intimidatingly, to the point where four city blocks could hear it easily in his maximum form.
>Agile (Pragius gets a +1 to Agility, but a -1 to Strength)
>Long Fangs (Whenever Pragius bites and is on a high success (Above a Success), his bite will cause the enemy to suffer from plenty of bleeding. His bite attacks also get a +1 and are generally more effective.
>Steel Claws (Pragius's claws are as strong as steel, and can cut through stone and metal, not to mention deal more damage.)
>Steel Claws (Pragius's claws are as strong as steel, and can cut through stone and metal, not to mention deal more damage.)
>Steel Claws (Pragius's claws are as strong as steel, and can cut through stone and metal, not to mention deal more damage.)
I'll be back in a hour or so anons, just got to get to work.

Mind if I ask how anons feel about the new mutations?
I like to see the potential of gelatinous mutations.
Embrace slime logic fully.

Also I want to find out how pragius learns spells naturally.
Is that just a thing deities and spirits do?
Pragius learns his own unique set of spells, and typically yes it is a thing that spirits has.

You feel your claws grow a bit longer and much sharper, and scratch your burned mane... It seems to cut you slightly. Interesting. It seems your claws are extremely sharp now!

Of course, you feel... Tired, and you think about your next plan.

You of course have only the palace to take over, butt of course, there's the local human barracks you haven't exactly cleared out. You suspect it would be rather trivial, but should prevent loss of life and reinforcements. If you remember correctly one of the rebels said there's an alarm to the rest of the vampire forces...


>Send Claw to the palace! He can sneak in to deal with Vlad!
>Send Claw to the barracks! He can deal with the soldiers non-lethally!
>Go personally to the palace! You will deal with Vlad in HONORABLE combat!
>Go personally to the barracks! The humans will pose little chance to defend against you!
>...You feel a bit tired... Perhaps a nap would be fitting before you begin conquest.
>Go personally to the palace! You will deal with Vlad in HONORABLE combat!

>A powerful lion spirit who can cut metal in half with his bare ends and can grow to gargantuan size still takes a cat nap
Going to wait for one more post before doing anything anon!
>Go personally to the barracks! The humans will pose little chance to defend against you!
Let's make sure everything is properly dealt with, right?
Rolled 1 (1d2)


1=Go to the barracks!
2=Go to the palace!
You decide to head to the barracks...

Of course, you have made a fair amount of noise blowing up a artillery base...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can stealthily get there without raising the alarm.

+3 if as Claw and Pragius you can think of a way to be sneaky in the city.
+2 if Pragius can inspire nearby citizens.
+2 if Claw can talk to his captive audience.
+1 if Pragius can boast of his new sharp claws.
+1 for this roll and for the next roll if Pragius can rest or wake up a little bit.

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Also, Claw has absorbed enough to upgrade one of his stats temporarily. Feel free to chose one of his stats to upgrade. Also, he has increase temporarily in size to 12 stories.
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

Allowing samefagging if you can inspire nearby citizens and as Claw talk to your captive audience. Also if Pragius can boast of his claws.
"Come my fellows, with my claws like swords and Claw's...abilities...we shall surely take the day!"
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

Forgot to roll
I'll wait for one more roll.

Borderline Success!

You head to the barracks, which seems to be in a minor state of alert... It's surrounded by a rather thick fence, and has a few vampire guards around it, not to mention some rather large bats perched in particular locations... Not to add in the heavy amount of tanks and tank destroyers located around the barracks, which is hampered quite a bit by the fact that it's surrounded by old abandoned factories with rusty pipes, exposed grates, shards of glass...


>Do a direct assault!
>Try to sneak in either as Pragius or Claw!
>Fuck stealth. Order a bomardment!
>...Try to force the defenders to surrender!
>Do a direct assault!
You took over a howitizer base which allows you to bombard the shit out of a place.
You decide to preform a direct assault... With Claw going after the barracks while you go for the tanks and anti-tank... You begin to formulate how your attack will go.


>Cast a spell!
>Try to get the soldiers to turn against themselves!
>Attack with your sword! It might not be strong enough to pierce the tanks, but if you have enough force...
>Attack with your claws! It will rip the tanks to shreds!
>...Just try to get a nap for a quick second. Claw can do the work while you take a quick five minute glorious nap.
>Attack with your claws! It will rip the tanks to shreds!
You decide to attack the tanks with your claws!

Roll me a 1d20+7 anons.

+3 if you can come up with a clever way to destroy the tanks with your claws!
+2 if you can boast about your claws!
+2 if you can find a way to distract the enemy from Claw!
Rolled 19 + 7 (1d20 + 7)


Good Success!

You rip a tank in half, and throw another tank, skewering it on your claws... You stomp on another tank, while Claw goes to help take out another tank that shoots you in the leg....

-500 HP

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see how well Claw can assist you!

+3 if Claw can come up with a way to deal with the tanks!
+2 if Claw can give an introduction to himself and Pragius to the tank crew.
+2 if you as Pragius can taunt the enemy!

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Rolled 19 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

Claw can hose them down with slime from his mouth.

>I'm claw and this is pragius behemoths of legends. Bitter frenemies. Allies of Renexizious and cooler than you.

And pragios can add a
>And much much stronger as well little ones.
Rolled 10 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

I would go for the auto success but I have no idea how Claw would give an introduction like that.
"Just bend the barrels! Then they can't shoot you!

So any way, hello tank crew, your choices are surrender, capture or death. Mostly the first two though."

"Ha, such weak armour you use to shield yourselves from my blows. It bears no defence against my assaults!"
Back anons.

Claw uses his slime from his mouth to slow the tank down, and rushes the barrel, destroying it.

"Hello tank crew! Your choices are surrender, capture, or death. But mostly the first two. Anyways, I'm Claw and this is Pragius, behemoths of legends... Bitter frenemies. Best friends and allies of Renexizious, and way cooler than you."

"And much stronger as well. But really, what is with this weak armor you use to shield yourselves from my blows? It bears no defense against my assaults!"

Pragius rips a tank in half with his powerful claws, while you slowly slip in through the barrel...

After a bit most of the tanks have either been destroyed or unmanned, with a handful left, mostly falling back...

Claw however suffers a direct impact from a tank shell, splattering some of his blobby self on the ground, and Pragius gets a shot in the leg.

-500 HP for Pragius and Claw.

Of course, Claw goes towards the barracks which are frantically arming themselves against this behemoth assault. Almost all the bullets reflect off his rubbery skin or just break down inside of him, not to mention the fact that he's far faster then them... And the enemy are a bit hesitant to shoot their friends which they see trapped in him. However, they seem to be hauling out some anti-tank equipment to deal with you.

Since claw has absorbed enough, choose a stat to boost temporary.
You currently have 118 mass.

You can also get another stat boost if you digest everything inside of you.


Also, roll me a 1d20+6 to see how well Claw deals with the soldiers focusing on him.

+3 if Claw can find a way to protect himself from being shot at! Bullets and explosions still hurt. Sort of. (+2 if you can think of a way to go faster!)
+2 if Claw can appeal to the soldiers by mentioning how their friends are in him. (+1 if he can imply that they'll join them shortly.)
+2 if Claw can boast about his resistance to bullets and stat boosts he gets from absorbing.
+1 if he can tell them about being way cooler and awesome than Pragius. He doesn't have anything going for him...

Claw will take reduced damage if he can think of a way to disable the anti-tank equipment from afar!

Autosuccess if everything is done.

Claw can change his shape.
Make himself sleeker and condense slime at his front.
(It'd be like a bullet train no? bullet claw?)

>Just saying if you shoot me you all are assholes because I have your friends in you. And you'll hate it when your friends shoot at you when I absorb you. Also I'm bullet resistant and absorbing things make me stronger so you should give up. Because unlike pragius I have slime bullshit going for me.
You feel yourself become more agile and lose. Huh.

You make yourself a bit sleeker and condense your slime at the front, and charge ahead...

"Just saying, if you shoot me your all assholes because I have your friends in me. And you'll hate it when I absorb you, besides I"m resistant to bullets and absorbing things make me stronger, so really you should just give up. Because unlike Pragius, I have slime bulls-"

A anti-tank round hits you right in the nose, splattering slime all over. A few more bullets hit you, as you charge...

-750 HP

Your nose hurts quite a bit, but eventually comes back as you sacrifice some of your mass to patch it up... Eventually your a mere few feet from the beginning of the fortifications, and some of the soldiers begin to try and run for it realizing your going quite fast...

Roll me a 1d20+7 for absorption.

+3 if you can think of a way to absorb everyone shooting at you and fleeing.
+2 if you can inspire terror among the soldiers!
+2 if you can try to make the anti-tank crew as uncomfortable as possible for shooting you!
+2 if you can also think of puns.
+1 if you can boast about how many people you've absorbed. (+1 if you can boast about how impossible it is to get out. +1 if it comes out as awkward as fuck.)

If everything is done with TWO anons doing it, it is an autosuccess
Rolled 11 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

Have some fun.
Jump at them and slide on the ground secreting slime all the while to bump into and absorb them all.

>I'm just oozing with excitement for when I give almost 100 people to the giant dragon wizard that's annoyed as hell. Good thing that they can't get out of me because once you go inside me you never come out.
Allowing samefagging if you can inspire terror and make more puns. Also make the anti-tank crew uncomfortable.
Rolled 16 + 19 (1d20 + 19)

>It's all just sliding downhill for you
Give a big toothy? grin.
Put the tank crew in a small cramped stench bubble together.

This adventure would make for a good story.

Amazing Success!

You jump on the ground, sliding and secreting slime all while giving a big toothy grin.

"I'm just oozing with excitement! It's really just sliding downhill for you when I'll give almost one-hundred people to the giant dragon wizard that's annoyed as hell. Good thing you can get out of me once you go inside, because you'll never come out!"

You crash into the sandbag barricading, causing soldiers to try and flee away from your absorption while you try to extend as much as possible... You easily get to 153 mass, and there's only a few soldiers who flee inside the barracks, terrified to the point where they flee inside the barracks... Some of the people in you are attempting to escape however.

Roll me a 1d20+8 to deal with the remaining.

+3 if you can think of a way to sneak into each one of the block barracks. (+2 if you can think about how to absorb everyone inside of it.)
+2 if you can scare the people remaining.
+2 if you can make puns.
+1 if you can threaten the people inside of you to not try and escape. (+1 if you and penalize them for trying. +2 if you can go into a long rant about how it's impossible.)
+1 if you can also try to argue for them to just surrender and get absorbed by you, rather than hide. (+1 if you can be really weird about it, +1 if you can mention how long the humans will be with you.)

Autosuccess if all of this is done.
Rolled 3 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>It's slime for lunch and you're all next!
Then growl.
Allowing samefagging if you can come up with a way to absorb everyone inside the barracks, and some more puns and scaring the people inside further.
Rolled 5 + 24 (1d20 + 24)

Shove an arm or something in a window or door.
Then start expanding to fill a block till we have everything in there.

Hit all the attempting escapees.
>Keep going and I'll give you to the lion instead. It's not like you can escape. My skin is like a barrier that keeps everything inside. I would literally have to let you escape for you to get out which I won't You're chances are somewhere between zip and nill.

>All of you should give up ya know. Just get inside me like your friends are. You won't be in there long and if you behave in me I'll be gentler.

No matter what anyone says when used right claw is useful af.
Rolled 10 + 24 (1d20 + 24)

>This is gooing extremely well by the way. I should mention if I have to call ren he'll just come down and stomp you all. That's if he doesn't burn or freeze you all. So do that thing called surrendering. It saves lives.

Could I ask our current amount of money gained per civ turn?
I'll have to check, but I'm sure it's around 10$ Million.


Good Success!

You shove a arm under a slightly open window, and begin to expand, filling the block until you have literally everything inside of it. You digest the things that you don't care about, and move onto the next... And the next.

You easily have 184 mass from the remaining soldiers, and you hit the attempting escapees.

"Keep going and I'll give you to the lion instead. It's not like you can escape. My skin is like a barrier that keeps everything inside. I would literally have to let you escape for you to get out which I won't You're chances are somewhere between zip and nill, got it?"

You look around for any remaining people...

"All of you should give up ya know. Just get inside me like your friends are. You won't be in there long and if you behave in me I'll be gentler."

No one comes out, and you move along...

After a bit, you find a sort of bunker, while Pragius seems to have finished stomping the remaining survivors..

The bunker seems sealed from the surface, and has a sort of bulkhead, not to mention is made out o-"

You hear Pragius collapse.

"I"m... I think that's all..." He yawns a bit.

"Wait, are you going to sleep?"

"Just for... Five minutes. I feel extremely exhausted..."
He seems tired, and stretches. He sort of reminds you of a large cat, as he twists over, his... Well, hands or paws or whatever he has suspended over his chest, with him curled up.

He goes to sleep fast. Huh.

"Seriously? We're in the middle of somethi-"

"Just give me five minutes..." He lets out a yawn.

Really? Right now? You must admit, the bunker looks extremely... Interesting.


>...Try to get Pragius to stop lazing around and not take a nap.
>Well... It's five minutes. You can wait five minutes.
>Try to find an alternative entrance to the bunker!
>Try knocking on the bunker's door!
>Try to break down the bunker's door!
>That should be enough... Just prepare to head back to the palace to assault it. Though you are rather curious what's in that bunker.
10 million a month isn't too bad.
And once our fast food upgrades roll out it should go up.

>Try to break down the bunker's door!

I have an idea involving running at the door with our legs filled with air then kicking it and using that force to break it down
Doesn't seem like that would be a lot of force anon.

You decide to break down the bunker's door.

Roll me a 1d20+5 anons. (Large penalty of Strength due to the difficulty!)

+3 if you can come up with a way to force it open, dissolve it, digest it, etc. (+2 if you can also think of a way to do it silently to not alert anyone inside, and try to alert everyone inside of you of plenty of jiggling, etc.)
+1 if you can try to knock nicely and tell them if they have the time to listen to the benefits of joining the Claw Collective. (+1 if you can actually list the benefits. +1 if you can be intimidating.)
+1 if you can make fun of Pragius for sleeping on the job. (+1 if you can praise yourself for nearly hitting 200 people and be a bit excited. And tell everyone inside of you to be excited.)
Rolled 2 + 14 (1d20 + 14)

>Ten story wolf kicking at the door with enough force to bounce off it after running at it.
How much does claw weigh?
Anything more than an armored truck and he'd wreck that doors shit doing that.

>Hello could you spare a moment for the Claw Collective? I would like you to consider joining and before you say no which will invariably cause me to bring pain in your weak lives let me say I recommend it. Joining guarantees your immediate safety from giant lions and dragons. It is safe and comfy and you don't have to worry too much about bullet fire. Join now and you get a premium bubble where you can wait out your time in the claw collective.

>Just like a cat to sleep on the job. Unlike this hard working wolf who is almost at 200 captives. Come on guys aren't you excited? Almost at 200 milestone. That's amazing.

We could just force ourselves into the cracks and spaces and dissolve it slowly as we go until the door is gone. Jiggle a bit to warn everyone just in case though.
Allowing samefagging if you can continue to make fun of Pragius, and try to hype up the 200 milestone. Also if you can continue to talk about joining the Claw Collective and what might happen if you get in there and they refuse.
Rolled 14 + 14 (1d20 + 14)

>So not only are you inferior at keeping yourself clean like me you are too lazy to even stay awake in the middle of an essential mission. Shameful display.

>200 people. It's like 100 more than 100. That's double. DOUBLE!

>I should mention that failing to join the collective means that you shall suffer as a prisoner to be handed over to my friend and leader ren who will invariably bring pain and suffering to you. Or eat you. As I will not protect you.

Good Success!

You run at the door with enough force to bounce off of it, and you just really make a loud bang. Nothing really happens. So instead, you force yourself into the cracks and spaces and begin to dissolve and digest it ever so slowly.

You also make fun of Pragius and hype up having two-hundred people, not to mention trying to get whoever's in there to join your blobby mass.

So of course, after a bit you melt through a small hole in the bulkhead, and squeeze through it, snapping the bulkhead off and absorbing it. You notice that the hallway down is extremely thing and small. Hm. You try to go down, but a few people in you seem to yell in pain at being this cramped...

Roll me a 1d20+9 to squeeze.

+3 if you can either lose mass or think of a way to pull yourself through... (+2 if you can muffle the noise of everyone inside of you!)
+2 if you can force everyone inside of you for a tight squeeze.
+1 if you can continue to talk about why joining the Claw Collective is great. And why they won't have a choice in the matter now, and just how happy everyone is inside of you.
+2 if you can talk to your captive audience as you descend. (+1 if you can mention how you'd prefer them to stay with you rather than leave.)
+1 if you can make some puns as you descend!

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Put everyone in bubbles. That should mute them alot more. Make sure the bubble is small and shaped in a more rectangular sense for going down the hallway.

>Well it's slime you joined whether you want too or not. As I was saying. In the claw collective you can live a relaxing life without worry. Filled with comfy furniture and a temperature controlled environment you can relax in the utmost comfort. You can be happy just like everyone inside me already. They're just covered in excitement.

>Anyways gooing on I think you should stay and not leave. Because then I'd have to get rough. And then I'd have noone to talk to about stuff like..
Then start talking about how the medic class or whatever in WoR is underpowered and needs a buff.
You put everyone in square rectangular bubbles.

"Well, it's slime you joined whether you want too or not. As I was saying. In the claw collective you can live a relaxing life without worry. Filled with comfy furniture and a temperature controlled environment you can relax in the utmost comfort. You can be happy just like everyone inside me already. They're just covered in excitement... Anyways gooing on I think you should stay and not leave. Because then I'd have to get rough. And then I'd have none to talk to about stuff like how the Medic is..."

You descend, talking to yourself really. You hear some groans from inside... Are they... Are they thinking your boring for talking about WoR? It's the best game ever made!

You get quite frustrated as you struggle to move down, and eventually you get to a thankfully bigger hallway.
You see two rather confused vampires in labcoats.

"Erh... Is that slime coming down the stairs?"

"I erh, think. Did we close it right?"

"I think... Did you?"

"I mean, I sealed it."

"Right... You sure? I erh... Well, I'd rather not like the behemoths upstairs to notice us. I mean, if they find out about the project, I don't know if we'd have much of a job.

"Relax... It's probably a leak in the water mixing in with some chemicals or something."

Ooh. More people! And people who know something!


>Absorb. The Collective must grow!
>I'm not slime. I'm a gelatinious wolf.
>Intimidate them into talking more.
>Try to overhear?
>...Coerce him into telling you more?
>...Head back up.
>Try to overhear?

>Another sekrit project by scientists in a bunker or other fortified position.
This is becoming a meme.
1488 senpai.

You decide to overhear.

Roll me a 1d20+7 to avoid attracting attention.

+3 if you can try to hide yourself and the slime, or move to be able to absorb them at a moment's notice.
+2 if you can severely punish those who think WoR is boring.
+1 if you can think what you'll do after they tell you super secret stuff.
Rolled 7 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Start digesting the shit tastes till they are noticeably hurt.

And prep air bubbles to help us pounce and prepare to slam on these fools.

After this we need to leave and tell ren so he can decide what to do.
Because that's what he does.
Allowing samefagging if you can continue to punish the WoR haters.
Rolled 10 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

After that move them to a air bubble in our paw and shake them around.
Because fuck these guys
Rolled 17 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Then put them in a stench bubble and tell them to think about their shit taste.

Great Success!

You digest the little shits until you think their skin is about ready to peel, and move them to an air bubble and make sure to shake them around... Then you put a mean stench into their bubble and tell them to think about their shit taste.

You prepare air bubbles to help your pounce of sorts...

"So... What's the project anyways? I haven't really heard much about it."

"You know, the norm. Make sure that the ritual Vlad did didn't have any side effect, that sort of thing."

"Yeah... Hey uh, no one's really told me what the ritual did."

"Oh, really? Well, just ask the old librarian downstairs. She's nice, and probably would tell you."


"Well, I mean, she makes people blood hot chocolate, and really reminds me of my grandma."


"Well... Yeah. Anyways, when did you get hired?"

"I wasn't hired."

"...Well, that's what Vlad wants us to say. When were you uh, you know. Bit?"

"Me? Eh, I was on a journey to Madagascar so I could take a vacation."


"Now I'm here just studying necromantic mutations. I uh, didn't really sign up to be vampire you know."

"Well, yeah. Hey, look on the bright side. At least the blood Vlad gives us is from volunteers."

"Yeah... Eh. I'm not really a fan."

"Well, I mean, if your looking for a new overlord, that other one up north was rather powerful. You know, black magic, rituals, sacrifices, that sort of thing."

"...Isn't that a bad thing?"

"Well... He's ambitious, that's all I'm saying."

One of the vampires drinks from a cup saying "I LOVE BLOOD", with the love symbol being a heart.

"...You know it really was nice for the librarian to give us this stuff for our first day."

"Yeah." The other scientist sips from a steaming hot cup of... What you would assume to be heated blood which vaguely smells like chocolate.

"Hey, is it just you or is that slime or whatever bubbling?"

"...Bubbling? I mean, the chemical reaction doesn't really fit. Is there anything up there that would cause a thick chemical regent to bubble?"

"Honestly, I don't think so. It could be a mixture of..." One of the scientists gets a bit closer to your slime, easily in absorbing distance.

Wow, they sound like fucking nerds. You honestly have no idea what they're talking about.


>Strike now!
>Eh... He's not too bad. Maybe give the two of them the offer to join you.
>Just wait a bit... Continue to overhear.
>Yawn loudly from their shitty conversation.
>Strike now!

Can ren go deal with this shit while we finish up the palace and still get the PR boost?

Also could ren just destroy the fucking palace?
I mean, are you sure you want to do that?
Uh no.
I assume they have captives don't they?(In the palace I mean)

And can ren deal with this place while maintaning the PR boost or no?
Well, sure.

Roll me a 1d20+8 to see if you can silently get the drop on the two of the vampires. (Penalty of -4 from vampire reflexes!)

+3 if you can think of a unique way to absorb both of them. (+2 if you can draw the scientist vampire's interests to investigate you closely!)
+2 if you can make a pun!
+2 if you can welcome them to the Claw Collective. And how pissed you are they didn't open the door for you.
+2 if you can also continue to talk to your captive audience (+2 if you can mention how much fun your having with them. And force them to enjoy the time they're having with you.)
+1 for every weird comment Claw makes. (3 to qualify for the autosuccess)

Autosuccess if everything else is done.
Rolled 17 (1d20)


>Y-You know, I'm going to say BITE me. Eh? But come on into the Claw Collective guys! We have somethings you like....turtles? Bees? Blood? And gotta say this is more fun than playing Reichcraft! C-Come on and play some with me!

Absorb them by sucking them through the top of their heads.

Also I'm back from a few weeks of relatively depressing shit
Start bubbling more since I assume they speak of us and move and jiggle as well. Then when they get close absorb them from the feet up.

>I'm just bubbling with excitement to welcome you all to the claw collective. Somewhat excited. Also disappointed you didn't open the door for me. No manners whatsoever. I'm seriously considering punishing you. But no matter. It's fun having you guys around. You're having fun right? Riiiggghhht
Then growl.

>You know it's so nice having all these people inside of me. The more people inside of me the better I feel. It fills me up inside and makes me feel good.

Good so after we absorb these guys we should flag down ren and have him deal with more scientist sekrit project shit
Well, it's nice that your back and have either less or no crippling depression. If you still do, I hope you get better.
You try bubbling and jiggling some more... One of the scientists gets closer to examine... And you absorb him, shocking the other vampire scientist.

"What the hell?"

There seems to be some banging on your flesh as the scientist tries to get out, and the other scientist seems extremely confused and begins to back away...

"What the he-"

You pounce him and absorb him, and begin to squeeze back up the stairs.

You are now 186 mass.

"I'm just bubbling with excitement to welcome you all to the claw collective. Somewhat excited. Also disappointed you didn't open the door for me. No manners whatsoever. I'm seriously considering punishing you. But no matter. It's fun having you guys around. You're having fun right? Riiiggghhht..." You let out a sharp growl, and hear some minor applause. Good.

"You know,it's so nice having all these people inside of me. The more people inside of me the better I feel. It fills me up inside and makes me feel good... You know what I'm saying? But anyways, we have things you people like... Like uh... Turtles. Bees? Blood? I mean uh... Well, this is a lot more fun then playing Reichcraft alone. We should play some time actually, it's really fun..."

You let out a growl to signal that they should applause. A few do, but most don't.
Man, it's nice to have this many people inside of you... Save for the dissenters. They'll learn.

You leave, and see Pragius still snoring. It's been clearly more than five minutes."


His snoring is truly legendary, and you doubt he's close to waking up.


>Try to force him to wake up!
>...You know what would be fun? Pranking him. He has it coming anyways.
>...Well... You can deal with Vlad by yourself. Stealth is your middle name after all. And absorption.
>Just wait until he wakes up.

Also, I assume you'll tell Ren after you take over the palace just to simplify my job.
Oh shit it's Mcsirman
I didn't even notice.
Sup man.
Got time for some questions?
>...Well... You can deal with Vlad by yourself. Stealth is your middle name after all. And absorption.

He'll come if he wakes up.

Thanks QM, I'm fine now


Pet him?

I also realized one monster that would be FUN to deal with


Ask away O Anon.
Mind if I ask what monster that would be fun to deal with?

You briefly think about petting him... But uh, well, you aren't really sure if you should do that. It seems a little... You know. Weird.

You decide to deal with Vlad yourself...

You begin to go down to the palace, and try to find yourself a sneaky way in...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if Claw can find a sneaky way in past the guards and machinegunners.

+2 if Claw can be pissed about Pragius sleeping all of a sudden. (+1 if he can make derogatory statements towards cats and their laziness, and why wolves are superior. +1 if you can try to reason why gelatinious wolves are awesome. +1 if you can internally regret not petting the giant kitty.)
+2 if you can be disappointed in the people inside of you not wanting to applaud or hear about what you have to say. (+1 if you can promptly get angry and punish them, or be a bit saddened by this. +1 if you can continue talking to your captive audience anyways.)
We have computers.
Any opinion on what to do with them?
I think after we get satellites up more often we could really sell them
Or would it be better to keep it out of public hands as long as possible.
Rolled 14 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>Fucking lazy, useless, furballs taking up space. Can't even be bothered to help me. No matter I'm a fucking wolf. I can work hard for long periods of time so I have amazing stamina. I don't sleep all the time like cats. Also I'm an amazing hunter. Plus I'm gelatinous so I can eat my food on the run.

Regret not petting the fluffy mane. Also it would have been a good show of dominance.

>Come on guys why aren't you listening to me? I'm saying cool stuff.
Start digesting them.
Then talk about that one annoying enemy in WoR.
Are we talking about "digesting digesting" or just "Hurting until they listen"
The second one.
You mutter a few words about fucking cats, and regret a bit on not petting the fluffy mane.

"Hey, come on guys. Why aren't you listening to me? I'm saying cool stuff..."

You begin to slowly digest them, and a few scream in pain, being digested enough where some of their skin is beginning to come off. You don't think you'll be able to do that much more without consequences... Not to mention that they might need some first aid or a doctor unless they want to risk possibly bleeding out.

Either way, you begin to talk about that one annoying asshole in WoR, and you eventually see something..
There seems to be a sewer entrance... And what you think is a few lorries driving towards the palace, having something in their cargo... Hm.


>Try to sneak in through the sewers!
>Try to hijack a lorry! Though you might need... Two to fit you.
>Charge in there! Who cares if it's loud and obvious?
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>Try to sneak in through the sewers!

Oh, you know. Just one with a bit of a (insertdegeneratepunhere) monster


Well if we have computers I say we have internet be free for those in our empire and anyone not in it able to get a....'subscription' to it. Get my meaning?
>Try to sneak in through the sewers!

Are you suggesting copious amounts of spying and being an even bigger dragon(brother)
You decide to sneak in through the sewers, which takes you a minute...

You kind of realize that your beginning to get hungry. It's almost dinner time anyways, and as you begin to squeeze into the sewer, you begin to try and head in the right direction...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can go in the right direction.
+2 if you can think of delicious food to eat. Soon or once you get back on the surface.
+2 if you can either apologize to the people who are beginning to suffer wounds, or digest them, or just tell them that they're on thin ice.
+2 if you can talk about how cool it is being a gelatinious wolf to everyone inside you.
+2 if you can mention how nice it is to have so many people willing to deal with you. Not to mention nearly two-hundred people. (+1 if Claw can think about how many people could be in him.)
+1 if you can be weird again.
Rolled 17 + 8 (1d20 + 8)


My dear anon, that's one part of it. And if people want to use the internet they'll have to be paying us in whatever way they can:

Be it money, intelligence, blueprints, assistance, support, I can go all day with this. Have an invisible hand wrapped around the neck of countries not in our control.

And they'll be provinces in all but name. And anyone who tries telling the world about it?

Well they'll be dealt with accordingly.


Think of chicken, ice cream and crab. And tell the people

>That information is above your clearance level citizen
A-anon, is 1984 really a good thing to copy from?
Rolled 3 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

Maybe we can get some burgers and soda mead soon.
That'd be nice.
>You guys are getting on real thin ice.

>Ya know how convenient it is being slime? I can absorb and digest my food really quickly. I can fit into small places. Bullets hurt less. Really useful.

We should grind our necromancy and stop using soldiers.
Take a page from julius's book and raise a spooky army.

My vision isn't a boot stamping on a human face forever QM.

It's dragonkind traveling through the stars, the empire growing like kudzu through the cosmos. We will be akin to...no WE WILL BE GODS! ALL POWERFUL!

...My goodness, excuse me there. I'm quite powermad.


Or do something I suggested long ago. Go to the WFB world, and find Nagash or his books
I think we could probably grind necromancy here faster.

Also it might help to save that for last.
We might have an easier time there if we are stronk enough to deal with the rampant shittery.
Plus I want to see if our school teaches goosts

Also we still have to finish learning that rock golem class.
Oh and we should take renexizia and maria.

I think we can take those two with us.

Plus renexizia said she wanted to break shit soon
This is of course after we read our fanmail

Fair point, so like the idea I have anon? Yea or nay?
Well taking over other nations with technology seems like a good idea as any.

Also I was thinking we could work on technology to boost our PR.
Like medicine and such

Great Success!

You decide to talk about how nice it is being a gelatinious wolf, and you continue to squeeze through the sewers.

Of course, this is until you reach what seems to be a thin pipe... No doubt to prevent humans and other people from crawling up into it. Hm.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to squeeze through it.

+3 if you can think of a way to lubricate the entire pipe!
+2 if you can make fun of the soldiers from earlier thinking they could actually defeat you, a gelatinious wolf. +2 if you can point out how they're clearly more comfortable in here and why your doing them a favor... And that they're staying in there.
+2 if you can think what dream Pragius is probably thinking of.
+2 if you can go a bit power mad with the fact you can absorb people easily and talk to your captive audience. (+1 if you can calm your autism after a moment.)

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Rolled 15 + 18 (1d20 + 18)

Put our mouth on the pipe and spit slime into it.

>Heh silly soldiers. Thinking you could beat a 10 story gelatinous wolf with regular guns. I don't even know why you resist so much. It's obvious it's more enjoyable inside me.

Pragius probably dreams of licking himself and eating fish while ren pets him.

Laugh manically at all the power we have. Then cough and realize our autism flared up again.
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Rolled 14 + 13 (1d20 + 13)


Could we use


Wrap our whole gelatinous body around it, then laugh at the soldiers because we're a giant gelatinous wolf monster, and Praguis is probably thinking about getting petted.


And with this I head to bed, night kiddos
We have to work up to it though.

Also note that we can make phone prototypes and have basic knowledge of A.I

Robotics can be another thing we do later.
You spit slime into the pipe and begin to slide down it.

"Wow, you soldiers are really silly... Thinking you can beat a 10 story gelatinious wolf with only normal guns. Why do you even resist? It's obviously more enjoyable inside me."

You give a brief manical laugh and sort of realize it's been flaring up again. Great. This always happens when your having fun...

After a bit you think you get up the pipe into a sort of basement, where there's a leak...
You slowly get out of it, and shake off all the sewage and water that got on you...

You begin to sneak up the stairs... The door seems to be locked. Fuck.
You begin to slip under the door... You don't think you'll be able to carry all the weight in your lower body... You also note the floor panels have a tendency to creek with your weight. Great.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to be sneaky as you sneak around.

+3 if you can think of a way to muffle the sound of having to break the door open in order to bring in all the weight.
+3 if you can come up with a way to move silently on the wooden floor.
+2 if you can wonder if Renexizious too secretly wishes to pet the giant kitty. (+1 if you can miss your fur and being petted by the White Death.)
+1 if you can think of a way to clean the stench of sewage off of you... Either now or later.
+1 if you can nom something.

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Put our paws on the door and slowly expand our slime around it then consume it

We can solve the weight problem by expanding our claws outward to increase weight distribution

And ren probably does.
Basically make our feet bigger, and yes being petted by Simo was nice. He's good with animals.

And we could just take a bath later.
You put your pawns on the door, expanding your slime around it, consuming the hinges and the door. You make your feet bigger and expanding your claws...

You also think about taking a bath later, and you begin to sneak around without causing much noise... Of course, having a ten story gelatinious wolf inside of a house does mean you feel a bit... Cramped.

After a bit you come to what seems to be a fancy kitchen... There's an overwhelming smell of delicious food, and there seems to be a token guard...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to attempt to sneak through this room.
+3 if you can think of a way to deal with the guard silently and without causing any noise. (+2 if you can somehow block all noise coming out of the room. +1 if you can weaponize your terrible smell.)
+2 if you can nom a bit.
+2 if you can try to make the radio man comfortable. You did nearly forget about him. And you totally don't want him to stay with you.

Autosuccess if everything is done.
Rolled 8 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Start slowly releasing our noxious breath into the room.
Once he's out ignore the low quality food and eat all the utensils and pots and pans.
Maybe absorb any alcohol though and give it to radio guy.
Mind if I ask why your ignoring the food? Or did Claw become part goat?
The second one.
Ignore food.
Acquire metal,cloth,wood and other such things.
You slowly release your noxious breath and eventually he feels the need to leave...

So you absorb and digest all the utensils, pots, and pans in the room. You also give a bit of alcohol to the radio guy. He hesitates from really drinking it.

Your mass is 187

Either way, you continue on through the mansion... You eventually come to a large hallway and notice a rather large hallway... The occassional guard passes by, and you think about how to get through this...

Roll me a 1d20+8 to sneak further!

+3 if you can think about other ways to be even more sneaky!
+2 if you can also think of a way to take care of the guard patrolling!
+2 if you can also complain about the amount of work you had to do today.
+1 if you can get a bit pissed off at Pragius not just attack and giving you more work.
+1 if you can look at the upside. You get to absorb people for fun. (+1 if you can self-justify it.)
Rolled 20 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>You eventually come to a large hallway and notice a rather large hallway.

let's try a gas/slime bomb on the guard.
>Why do I have to do all the work. All pragius does is smash stuff occasionally. And even then he naps in between. The only good thing about this is that I get to absorb people. Which is totally fine because it's just like playing a game and not a weird fetish in the slightest.
I'll be back later anons, I have work to do.

Critical Success!

You try a gas/slime bomb, and complain internally... The guard begins to choke as you absorb him and continue on. You also self-justify your absorption thing.

You effortlessly sneak through the hallways, and go up some stairs, until you find the more important offices... A few of the guards seem to be complaining about the smell, and few even cough. Of course, a few people inside of you are trying to get out like usual, probably tired of being cramped so hard.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can find Vlad's office.

+3 if you can guess what Vlad's office would look like.
+2 if you can get everyone inside you to stop dissenting. One way or the other.
+2 if you can continue to self justify it.
+1 if you can continue to try to think on how to get the radioman to stay with you. Forever.
Rolled 3 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Probably a room with big ominous doors with carvings on them.
the office also probably has lots of books and ominous candle lighting.

Tell them to shut up and stay that way.
Then take them out of the stench bubbles.
>It's part of the mission. How can I not go for the 0 kill bonus.

We could do what ren does and just kidnap him.

Anyways I must sleep now.
Seems like this rebellion nears the end.
Vlad Tepes wouldn't happen to have any relation to Vlad Tepish, would it?
>Vlad tepish
Also as a question for when you get back.
What happened to Haroldr?
Back for a moment.

Allowing samefagging if anons can continue to self-justify.

You ditched him in fucking Paris and he's fucking terrified that he's going to get utterly killed by Ren for not taking good care of his daughter.But Renexizia is indeed looking for him.
Rolled 1 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Ok gotta remember to find haroldr.

>Also it's the morally upright thing to do. Killing them would be even worse.
Critical Failure!

You look around, and eventually you find a rather fancy door, with some Romanian carvings which you can't read. So of course, you open up the door...

There seems to be a guard looking right at you, and there seems to be a sort of party going on, streamers, party hats, that sort of thing.
You pause for a second, and the guards pause for a second.
It's kind of awkward and tense...

You look around a bit, and see a large cake saying something in Romanian. Huh. One of the guards are also literally next to the alarm. That's bad.


>...Erh.... Just uh, you know. Don't move and maybe wait to see what they do?
>Try to bullshit and pretend you came here to party?
>Absorb. This is the only really sane option.
>Absorb. This is the only really sane option.
This is awkward
Roll me a 1d20+6 to absorb.

+3 if you can think of a creative way or use the environment to help you absorb. (+1 if you can muffle all noise coming out of the room)
+2 if you can mention how they can just continue their party. Inside of you. (+1 if you can be excited about nearly hitting the 200 mass milestone and force everyone inside of you to be excited.)
+2 if you can awkwardly try to excuse yourself before trying to absorb everyone in here.
+1 if you can think about what to do to the delicious cake.

If everything is done, you get a +2
Rolled 1 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

Start springing out our arms to reach out and absorb everyone in the room and the cake.
>Sorry about that but you guys can just continue the party inside the claw collective. Who have almost hit the 200 milestone. ISn't that amazing.
Start poking and harassing them till they answer in the affirmative.

>So yeah...Sorry..I'll just be going now.

Why would we eat the cake.
Though eat the candles though.
And maybe some of the furniture.
I blame pragius
Who's Haroldr?
Rolled 14 + 14 (1d20 + 14)


>Suddenly expand a massive gas bubble in your center, so you can expand outwards quickly and then shrink back down, like a cavitation bubble
>"Uhh...look guys, it's nothing personal, but I'm running low on guards in my Claw Collection, and you know how it is, I can't drop below a certain number or my collection gets...disqualified for...reasons...and....stuff...and um...I think I still need to register it with Ren, actually,, but sorry, I need some more guards."
>"Hey guys, don't stop the party on my account. Just make sure to share it with everyone else inside me. Guys, guys, you're getting even more stuff now! And new friends! I'm like an unending LAN party, isn't this awesome?"
>Lick off all the frosting before eating it. Because cake itself is delicious, and all that stupid, super sugary frosting just takes away from the taste and raises blood sugar levels and thus flares the autism.
A long time ago when renexizia first hatched there was a poor fool given the job to watch her.
She proceeded to go to paris succeeding only because she was adorable (Even though she is a dragon). Met a princess or noble woman too.
Then she left haroldr when she found the portal to the warhammer dimension.

He's still in paris to this day.
Critical Failure!

You decide to spring your arms out as you expand a massive gas bubble in your center, and you absorb two guards...

"Uhh, look guys, it's nothin-"

You get hit on the nose by a rifle butt. Ow. The guard curses you int Romanian and demands you let them out. You whine a bit before getting hit again on your sensitive nose.

You subconsciously let the two guards go, and few a bit ashamed. The guard then hits you again on the nose and points outside, saying in crude english "bad gelatinious dog".

You whine a bit before backing up out of the door, and you get patted on the nose by the guard for good behavior, who says "good dog" and closes the door.

You are... Highly confused by what just happened.
You also hear the alarm go off. Fuck.


>Wait a minute... Did they just discipline you? Try to break through the door!
>Shit uh... Just run away and try to find Vlad's room. Even if the guards in here will likely arm themselves to find you and kill you.
>Shit, you triggered the alarm! Flee to downstairs!
>Shit, you triggered the alarm! Flee to downstairs!

These Romanians, so done with the giant bullshit that their lives are. We need to get some as guards or something.
You decide to flee downstairs!


>Set a trap for pursuers!
>Try to hide somewhere! Who cares if you have nearly two-hundred people inside of you?
>Prepare to attack the soldiers coming after you!
>Flee out to the basement! Maybe you can retreat out of here!
>Flee out to the basement! Maybe you can retreat out of here!
You decide to flee to the basement...

Roll me a 1d20+6 for how well you can shake or hide from the guards!
+3 if you can think of a way to hide yourself and make yourself more sneaky. (+2 if you can try to leave a trap in your retreat!)
+2 if you can be pissed that someone actually tried to discipline you. (+1 if you can enjoy being pat though.)
+1 if you can be disappointed you did not absorb everyone. And make everyone inside of you disappointed and feel bad for you.
Rolled 10 + 14 (1d20 + 14)


>use gelatinous, sticky body to cling as flat as possible to the ceiling and just ooze along. And autistically piss small, sticky, slightly yellowish ooze puddles onto the floor!
>Bad dog, pfft, you'll show them bad dog! Pee on more things that look useful! But not the things that look pretty, in exchange for the nose pat
>Now you're down one mood-boosting party, what's everyone else going to think? What kind of wimpy, bad human-pet-keeper can't keep their promises? "I'm so s-s-s-sorry guys, *sniffle sniffle*, I tried my best to provide fun and comfy times for you, but...just give me another chance, please? ok? *do puppy eyes internally*
I'm uh, not sure that Claw would piss on random objects. He may be autistic, but not that autistic.
Good to know there's a boundary even he won't cross. Give me a few to write in a new thing?
>change pee trap to small, explosive slime mines
>change second write in to quivering with rage on the ceiling that someone swatted your nose that your nose is dripping slime onto the floor


You use your gelatinous and sticky body to cling to the ceiling and ooze along... Your quivering practically with rage that someone swatted your nose, and you drip some slime on the floor.

You feel disappointed in not getting a party in you, and you make sure to sniffle and ask everyone inside of you to give you another chance.
They half-heartily give you a cheer, and you feel a bit better as you ooze along.

Eventually you get to the basement, and begin to plan your retreat...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can indeed squeeze and escape to plot your revenge!

+3 if you can plot your revenge against the party-goers, the man who though you were somesort of mutt and hit you with his rifle, and Vlad.
+2 if you can get a little annoyed at everyone's halfheartedness to the cause.
+1 if you can be genuinely disappointed that you didn't get to the 200 milestone.
Rolled 13 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>"First, I'm gonna ooze my way to some sort of party back door, and then I'm going to cut the showmanship gassy ooze body crap and just vacuum 'em all up like potato chips or something. Then, I'm gonna digest that jerk who thought I was some sort of common...mutt! No one puts Claw in the corner! Or...whacks me with his rifle! Then, I'm gonna go and absorb Vlad, and give him to Ren. Ren'll be so happy, he'll let me keep my other, newer, shinier friends instead of making them his slaves. Being one of Ren's test subjects for a couple decades'll teach HIM a lesson he won't soon forget!"
>"And you guys, come ON, I'm doing my best here! I know it'll all get better once you're back at my place, but for now we all need to buckle down and ride this out, I'm making sacrifices too! I don't think you guys even see it!"
>"...It sucks to be so short of that 200 milestone...maybe if I find an open door or three hanging around somewhere, then I can kinda cheese my way to breaking the big 2-0-0? No...that won't work, not unless the doors are solid wood...aww...."

Good Success!

You begin to plot your revenge, and loudly complain about the people inside of you who just are half-hearted! God, they're annoying. Not to mention missing that 200 milestone...

You squeeze through the pipe, and think about what you'll be doing...


>Wait for the alarm up there to fade away so you can head back up... Though they might be expecting you.
>...Maybe there's a way you can sneak into a lorry or two. It's a tough fit though...
>...Your tired of all this sneaking around. Just see if you can rush in and get Vlad!
>...Maybe Pragius is done sleeping?
>...Maybe Pragius is done sleeping?
You decide to go check on Pragius.
It takes you a hour or two, and you find Pragius wide awake.

"Pragius? Are you done sleeping yet?"

"Hm? It was only a nap, little dog." He seems a bit irritated at you calling him out on sleeping.

You growl.

"I am not a dog!"

"...Let me guess, you need me to do something for you that you can't do?"


>No, I'm good. Nevermind.
>...Can you take care of Vlad for me? I need your help just this once.
>...If you don't help me I'll tell Ren about you napping on the job.
>Listen, please? Can you help me?
"Look. I don't care if you like me but Ren has asked us to BOTH defeat his enemies. Not to have nice little naps like a tired kitten. So I ask you do your part, please? I can say for certain that he won't be happy if you don't..."
"Look. I don't care if you like me but Ren has asked us to BOTH defeat his enemies. Not to have nice little naps like a tired kitten. So I ask you do your part, please? I can say for certain that he won't be happy if you don't help."

He gives you a sort of smile which clearly shows he enjoys you asking for help.

"I never said no... But I do rather find it interesting your asking me for help."

"Can you just help?"

"...Well, I didn't say no."

He lets out a yawn and begins to get up.

"Now, to the palace... Or are you going to ask me to do more work for you?"

"Just take care of it. I've been doing all the work."

He lets out a laugh.

"Sure you have. Now, come on."

You sigh...

You are now Pragius, and you have just woken up from your GLORIOUS nap, dreaming of delicious, delicious fish. Now of course, Claw has yet to admit that your superior... But soon.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if when you arrive if the soldiers inside the palace will be on high alert.

+1 for every joke or insult you can make about Claw. Additional +1 for a joke or two about Claw's absorption "thing"
Rolled 2 + 16 (1d20 + 16)

Op, never give a man access to an infinitely stacking bonus. It only ends in tears, massive rolls and ultimate victories!

"So, are you always this...entertainingly awkward? Do you always bumble through life without any major planning?

Do you always go around filling your body with literally hundreds of people, or are you just feeling particularly deviant today?

I bet you don't even want to consummate your marriage, god help the clearly blind or saintly woman who agrees. You just want to consume them!

Though considering your performances elsewhere, that might be for the best for them...

So, why are you so unwilling to take to the fray of combat? Scared you'll be out done by a, what was it, tired kitten?

Speaking of which, I don't suppose you have a large bed in your mass? Oh, who am I kidding, I know you do you deviant fool and would you ever so kindly give it to me later?

After cleaning it of your...essence. I quite like not smelling of moist dog and sweat. Not that you would understand...

Though I suppose there must be much you don't get, eh? Considering you clearly don't understand the glory of napping...

Also, do you eat people, I mean it would explain your lack of adjustment to social situations...given that most don't hang around those that do..."
Allowing samefagging for more jokes.
"Do you even shower? Or bathe? It makes sense given your nature but still. You must be greater than your base instincts, something you clearly fail to do."
Rolled 17 + 16 (1d20 + 16)

Forgot to roll.

Good Success!

You make a "few" jokes about Claw as you go to the palace, which doesn't exactly seem to be on high alert anymore...

You begin to prepare your assault, on destroying the machineguns and getting past the courtyard...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to see if you can get your charge juuuuuuuuuust right.

+3 if you can think of a good way to attack the machinegunners and pesky human guards.
+2 if Claw can help you.
+2 if Claw can plan to get revenge on the party-goers and man who hit him.
Rolled 1 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Sword throwing, it werks.

Throw claw, it is funny.

"I will take them and I will treat them like dogs, so they can understand what it is like!"
Rolled 19 (1d20)

Throwing longsword does not work apparently
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)


I leave for a night and THIS is what I come back to?

Christ's handholes and Buddha's double chin anons
Critical Failure!

You prepare to toss your sword, and you throw it at a group of enemies...

It soars overhead, and you growl frustrated. You pick up Flames and... God, he's fucking slimey and... You just toss him to the side. Disgusting!

You wipe your hand on a nearby wall... Even just touching him makes your hand smell terrible!

That's when you feel a shell hit your face... Then another one... Then one right in the chest.
-1500 HP

You stumble a bit as you prepare to attack, as the Romanian anti-tank equipment reloads as fast as it can...


>Attack again! They cannot withstand you!
>Order the rebels to assault now!
>Fall back... A frontal assault is not the best idea!
>Use a spell?
>Order the rebels to assault now!
You order the rebels to assault!

Roll me a 1d20+8 for how well the assault goes!

+3 if you can come up with a way for you and Claw to help the rebels out!
+2 if you can encourage the rebels!
+2 if you can threaten the men on the anti-tank equipment for harming your face! (+1 if Claw can compliment them! +1 if it's a strange and weird compliment.)
Rolled 8 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

Rolled 6 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

We can help with a noble roar.
Claw can help by shooting slimeballs at the enemy.
>Do not surrender! You have creatures of legend at your aid. You cannot fail in your task.
Hey QM how you doing
Eh. Just got done with a ton of work and just passing out now.

Allowing samefagging if Pragius can make fun of Claw a bit.
Rolled 20 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

Good then I can go to sleep.
>Hurry up and finish them. If you're going to be disgusting at least be useful you slime pup.
Sorry about not being able to update as I'm busy for the next two or so days. I'll try to update as soon as I can anons.

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