You are about to play a game called SBURB. You know very little about this game, in fact, nobody seems to! Yet, oddly, it's been hyped to high heaven. Well, the game has finally come out. It was just released on steam mere moments ago.It's time for you to play it.But... Who are you anyway?Are you a BOY, or a GIRL?What is your NAME?What is your CHAT HANDLE?What is your PERSONALITY?What are your INTERESTS?How many FRIENDS do you have? (Must range from 1 to 11)You have ten stat points. Please distribute them between these stats: Mangrit- how STRONG you are.Gel Viscosity- How STURDY you are.Luck- how LUCKY you are. Mind- How SMART you are.------Note, Sburb is a complex thing, and Homestuck is a very long comic. Please let me know if I mess something up so I can fix, or at least address it.
>>1812398This quest is doomed to fail, it probably already hasBut I'll humour you>Are you a BOY, or a GIRL?GIRL>What is your NAME?Lucy Thomas>What is your CHAT HANDLE?twinklinglucidity>What is your PERSONALITY?Boi what are you even trying to do here?Laxidasical, but Quickwitted. Had the capacity to be understanding but is still very apathetic. >What are your INTERESTS?Analyzing terrible media(Movies, Books, Games, Fanfiction), Starting sculpture to never finish them, Sleeping, Cleaning (Herself)>How many FRIENDS do you have? (Must range from 1 to 11)Again, very interested to see what you got planned here.7>Mangrit- how STRONG you are.1>Gel Viscosity- How STURDY you are.2>Luck- how LUCKY you are.2>Mind- How SMART you are.7
>>1812398>Are you a BOY, or a GIRL?BOY>What is your NAME?Donald Kirk>What is your CHAT HANDLE?blavingheart>What is your PERSONALITY?balls to the wall class clown>What are your INTERESTS?tomfoolery, hijinx, chemistry, anthropology, theft>How many FRIENDS do you have? (Must range from 1 to 11)5>You have ten stat points. Please distribute them between these stats:>Mangrit- how STRONG you are.1>Gel Viscosity- How STURDY you are.2>Luck- how LUCKY you are.4>Mind- How SMART you are.3
>>1812398>Are you a BOY, or a GIRL?BOY>What is your NAME?Avery Epsilon>What is your CHAT HANDLE?crackingConsciousness>What is your PERSONALITY?Insufferable know-it-all. >What are your INTERESTS?You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a burning passion for ENTOMOLOGY. On nice days you go out running, but you DO NOT HAVE MUCH STAMINA. You also have a fondness for PHILOSOPHY, LITERATURE, and SOCIAL SCIENCE, and have several textbooks on the subjects on your bookshelf. You also like to post on REDDIT and are an INSUFFERABLE ASSPRICK whenever you do so.>How many FRIENDS do you have? (Must range from 1 to 11)~~0~~ 6Mangrit- 3Gel Viscosity- 1Luck- 1 Mind- 5
>>1813088>you have ten stat points>uses twelve
>>1812398>Are you a BOY, or a GIRL?Boy>What is your NAME?Mike Jordan>What is your CHAT HANDLE?godlyBaller>What is your PERSONALITY?Determined winner>What are your INTERESTS?Basketball, cheesy 90's movies, animals (specifically bulls), weightlifting, food/cooking>How many FRIENDS do you have? (Must range from 1 to 11)5>You have ten stat points. Please distribute them between these stats:>Mangrit- how STRONG you are.3>Gel Viscosity- How STURDY you are.3>Luck- how LUCKY you are.2>Mind- How SMART you are.2
Another quest fed at char gen. Was interested in this one too.
You are a BOY named Donald Thomas. Your CHAT HANDLE is cracking Lucidity. You have a variety of INTERESTS such as ENTOMOLOGY, the study of insects. You also have a soft spot for TOMFOOLERY, HIJINKS, AND OTHER SUCH THINGS. With that said, you don't really prank people or anything in real life, because you are far too LAZY. As such, you mostly just resort to trolling on websites like REDDIT to fill your pranksters gambit. Your true passion however, would have to be ANALYZING TERRIBLE MEDIA. You must have rewatched Garzey's Wing like five times by now, and every single time you managed to crank out like five pages about why everything in the show is wrong in every possible way and makes you rage like crazy. You also follow the world-famous comic, "Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff", and many other things of the sort. If asked to describe yourself in terms of physical and mental abilities, you would say that you are NOT VERY STRONG (2 MANGRIT), you're the guy who always had to resort to weird tricks to open jars and stuff, you know? And you aren't a particularly STUDY person either (2 GEL VISCOSITY). over you course of your childhood (you are thirteen right now by the way) you have gotten sick at least a few times a year, and even broke a bone once when you fell off a bike. As for your LUCK, you... well, it's probably not even a thing that is real, and is fake as shit, like magic (2 LUCK). But if it was real, you would say you have a little less of it than most people.But your mental abilities are where you truly shine (4 MIND). You get mostly A's in school, and have little difficulty understanding complex things. I mean, you're no prodigy or anything, but you are certainly above average. Well. With that out of the way, may as well describe how you LOOK as well. (Clothing, facial features, hair and eye color, etc. Not sure how important this will be, as the author is NOT AN ARTIST, but it will be good info to have I think, just in case it winds up being relevant. )
>>1814810IT LIVES!>platinum blonde hair>electric blue eyes>kinda goofy lookin' face with buck teeth and baggy eyes
>>1814883>platinum blonde hair>electric blue eyes>kinda goofy lookin' face with buck teeth and baggy eyesAlright then! Now with all of that finally done...What will you do? After all, it's going to take at least a minute or two to get the game downloaded and installed. may as well go do something while you wait! You are in your room, sitting at your desk. Your room contains a desk and chair, with a rather low-end PC sitting on it. You have a bed, a window... all the things one would expect to find in the average teens room. You have a two shelves with a variety of things related to your interests, and a few posters hanging from your wall. Feel free to examine one of things in your room in greater detail, or to exit your room and explore your house a bit, or you could go chat up one of your friends through Pesterchum. Or you could do something else I guess, if you can think of something else you would rather do.
>>1815452>Examine insect collection. These dudes are totally rad.
>>1815625You walk over to a shelf and look at your insects. You have a few terrariums, an ant colony, a bunch of bug-related books... The ant colony is pretty annoying though. It's like... It lights up sometimes in bright green flashes? You don't see any way to take batteries out of it though. Or any place in it that could even contain batteries at all. Or really anything that could be causing it. Oh, and you also collect butterflies. You have quite a few varieties.
Don't mind me.[yellow]Just testing.[black]How color tags work. [purple]To make [orange]sure [black]I'm using them correctly.
>>1815763Oh dear, can I really only use red blue and green? Guess pesterlogs will be black. Or I might use them for the pictures sometimes.
>>1815725Take off all your clothes and shit on your bed while barking like a dog.
>>1815911What? What are you, retarded?!?!?!?!...*BARK*There. But you refuse to do any of the other stuff!
>>1815967>Pester your Chum twinklingConciousness, send her pics of your sburb box on top of the butterfly case.
>shitpost on the social media while chatting up your chums
>>1816170"Sburb box"? What box? You just bought it off of steam. You know, the game distribution service? I mean, no way that Valve would forget to put up it's latest game on steam.Still, you decide to pester her. >>1816237And to finish up an %100% ORigONAL OC DOONOT STEAL you were working on earlier. But where to post it...?---crackingLucidity(CL) began pestering twinklingConciousness(TC) at ??:??---CL: Hey, I got the game. TC: Great! Mine finished downloading a minute ago. Just loaded it up!TC: It's weird tho. Its like... it brought up a command prompt?!?!?! CL: Huh.TC: And also, it looks like its multiplayer only??? CL: Um. Duh. The steam store page said about as much.TC: Oh, I didnt read it cuz I didnt want to get spoiled. CL: Hah! You shouldn't have bothered avoiding them. There aren't any!CL: Seriously, I tried looking for any info i could on this, but I couldn't find anything!CL: It has one of the most sparse steam pages that I've ever seen! It's super vague about everything.CL: And the trailer? It didn't even have any in game footage.TC: Well whatever!!! Its made by valve so it must be rich with story!CL: I'm more interested by the story "of" the game, than I am the story "in" the game.CL: I mean, only a few days after finding out that Half-Life 2 Episode 3 isn't happening, we get a brand new Valve game that seems completely unrelated to anything they have ever made? CL: Like, from what info I was able to glean from the store page, it's some kind of fantasy house simulator? CL: I'm sure it will be good. But I think it's really weird...CL: Oh. And I forgot about the price.CL: Why. The. Hell. Is Valve just giving this away for free?TC: Maybe its an apology for the halflife situation?CL: Perhaps. Anyway, it's finished downloading on my computer. Give me a moment.You load up the game, and a command prompt opens. It gives you the choice to be "Server player" or a "Client player". You guess this basically translates to "host game" and "join game", but it's pretty vague. What will you pick?Oh, and is there anything you want to do before you start?
>>1816327Join the game. You wanted to play this game since day one, no way are you going to watch someone else play it. This isn't twitch. Give in your spoiler urges and look up guides for the game.
>>1816327Join the game and post the %100% origibal OC on tumblr(or fumblr, the HS equivalent) with bajillion of tags(especially #anime, #lgbt and #dreamworks)
>>1816357It just came out. You bought it the moment it did. You HIGHLY doubt that anyone has made any guides for it yet. You decide to join the game. ...Uh. Okay. Looks like it's waiting for a server player to connect to? CL: Hey, can you host the server?TC: Sure! Ah there it goes. It's connecting now... Wait what?It'... connecting? You didn't input an IP or click on an option or anything! I just automatically connected you to someone? What the hell?You had been hoping to play this with your friends...Well, perhaps not being able to talk to the person you're playing with is part of the gam-*THUMP*You turn your head.Yep. Okay. Part of your wall is now jutting out above your bed.You calmly inhale, and exhale. You are not panicking.Not at all.Not even a tiny bit....WHAT THE FUCK! WHY IS YOUR WALL DOING THATCL: Holy shit.TC: I know right! These are by far the BEST GRAPHICS IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!CL: No! Not the game! My wall is like, jutting out or something?TC: What? TC: Wait.TC: Hey, does your shirt have a symbol on it?CL: Uh. Yes? How in the fuck is that related to our present situation.TC: Please dont use that word.CL: Sorry. But I think in this case, it's warranted!TC: Is the symbol a butterfly with a skull for a head?CL: ICL: What.CL: How did you know that? *THUMP*You turn your head once more. The wall has gone back to normal.TC: Hey, did you see that! Your wall is normal now, right?CL: Yes? How did you do that.TC: I think... The game is letting me see you!!! And I can do stuff to your house!!!CL: What. How do you react to this?
>>1816436Take a sheet off of your bed and drape it over yourself. Proceed to flip your shit like a stupid phantom babby...
>>1816436>What the fuck.>also look up the ceiling and wave, then ask TC if she can see us in real time as well.>then say "welcome to my crib, I guess"
>>1816462also where the fuck is our guardian/parent/sibling?
>>1816436This >>1816461Then: tell TC to not, for any reason, ever, do anything with the door to the basement. Seriously don't do it.
>>1816481Your FATHER is probably in the living room, or the basement. Probably making one of his weird experiments again.>>1816461You are not so retarded as to waste time doing that in this situation. You do, however, consider captchalogueing your bedding. just in case it gets blocked again. And you do freak out a bit, but you don't need a sheet for that.Now what was your modus again...?>>1816462CL: Is this in real time, or is there a delay?TC: What? CL: Are you seeing everything I'm doing as I'm doing it, or is it taking a moment to catch up?TC: Hmm...TC: Send me another message. CL: Okay?TC: I saw you hit enter right as I got that, so yeah, I dont think theres a delay. TC: Why???CL: Just trying to figure out how this works exactly.CL: so many things about this situation are just blatantly impossible. CL: Can you see my entire house? Or just my room? TC: Your entire house! And a bunch outside. But it seems I cant go see off of the property. TC: Oh, and I can only manipulate things close to you.TC: Hang on, going to drop something in your room.CL: Your going to what now?*PLINK*A captchalogue card bursts into existence in the center of your room.CL: What is this?TC: The game calls it a pre-punched card. It was with a bunch of other items. All the others looked really big though, so lets check this one out first!>>1816604You consider telling her not to look in the basement, but honestly you don't think your father's creations are THAT horrifying. I mean, sure, they look a bit CREEPY and are a total WASTE OF MONEY but like. Whatever.Anyway.What will you do with the pre-punched card? And what is your modus?
>>1816677Oh. I guess I should make this clear, you don't have an apple on your pre-punched card. The images i use are just anything I can find that seems vaguely related to the situation at hand.
>>1816677>You clearly use the TOP QUALITY modus of any TERRIBLE MEDIA CRITIC, the REEL MODUS.>Uh, wut. Captchalogue it?
>>1816677>Obviously, there's only one Modus that's hipster enough to be worthy of your use as a POST-MODERN MEDIA ADJUDICATOR: the NORMAL HUMAN POCKET MODUS>Ask TC what the hell you should do with this card.
>>1816677I'll vote for REEL MODUS.Check out the card, what does it have on it? Also ask TC what else she has to drop im here.
>>1816760>>1816897You captchalogue the card in your REEL MODUS. As someone who watches so much terrible media, it just felt fitting, you know? The reel modus is able to have it's items retrieved from any card, like the wallet modus. However, if something is far from the card you last retrieved an item from, you must "rewind" or "fast forward" the reel. This means that in a tense situation, you may not have time to get to the item you need.CL: And... what am I supposed to do with this?TC: I dunno. I was kinda hopin that you could take the item out?CL: The card has holes in it. How in the shit am I supposed to do that.TC: Well can you at least tell me whats on the card??? TC: I couldnt make it out just looking at it in the menu. CL: Looks like a bright cyan gift box.CL: Can you give me the other items? Perhaps those will make this make more sense.CL: Somehow.TC: Uh... these things are pretty huge. Where should I put them???CL: Is the backyard big enough? TC: Oh yeah. Hang on.You hear three distant thumps. You captchalogue your CELL PHONE so that you can still talk to TC, and head out to investigate. You move quickly through the house, having long since grown adept at avoiding stepping on your father's garbage... err... """inventions""". With any luck, you will be able to avoid him today. But on the off chance that things did come to a strife, what do you have in your strife specibus? Also, roll a D10 please!
Rolled 7 (1d10)>>1817213...
Rolled 10 (1d10)>>1817213
>>1817223Oh. A weapon...Type my ID into this site: http://en.genzu.net/buki/?n=StrifeWhatever it comes up with, go with that...Here's my ID, to spare you having to write it out yourself: F9JSU4Gf
Rolled 7 (1d10)>>1817213>We fight with a mailbox, to commemorate the heroes of old.
Rolled 2 (1d10)>>1817213rollan>>1817230A rapier, or swordkind, I suppose.Kinda cliche but eh, we can do something fun with it. Have one coated in moth dust for chemical warfare or shoot spider thread.Hell, eight bladed arachnosword.
>>1817230>>18172237 + 2 LUCKYou manage to avoid a strife, and your father in general. He must be busy with his experiments or something.If it had come to that, you of course had your sai's at the ready. Man, they are so freaking cool. like someone mixed a katana and a dagger or some shit. Anyway, you make it outside, and are presented with three large machines. CL: Woah. TC: Yeah.CL: What are these? TC: From left to right: cruxtruder, totem lathe, and alchemiter. CL: Well. Alright then. Well. You... have these now? What do?
>>1817256Google them to see if there is any info on what the hell they are. Then start pressing buttons ad see what kicks off.Sai's eh? Buttersais, more like it.
>>1817256Trial and error that shit
I just realized we have a gant.
Rolled 1 (1d20)Rolling for the protag to do half a flip and land directly on his neck.
Rolled 1 (1d20)Rolling for protag to douse himself in ammonia and bleach
>>1817830does this mena we break our neck, or do we fail so bad we cant even do the flip and land on our ass?
>>1817995It means the suggestion failed so badly that it gets ignored completely
>>1817261>>1817274>>1817325Alright. Let's see......Hm. Cruxtruder seems to be a portmanteau of the words "crux" and "extrude". So it... extrudes something important? You guess? You pull up the subreddit for the game. It is COMPLETE chaos. Thread after thread made in a panicked rush as everyone tries to figure out what is even happening. One of the mods made a sticky post though. Opening it up, it seems to be the mod just venting and being insane like everyone else.You resolve to write up a proper guide once you figure it all out.Welp, random experimentation it is! You turn the valve on the machine. Something clangs at the top.It seems to have a lid... Oh boy, it's really stuck on there. Roll a D10! Also say what to use when you try to pry it off.
Rolled 6 (1d10)>>1818204...
Rolled 5 (1d10)>>1818204Pry it with your Sais
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>1818234Backing this
Rolled 6 (1d20)Your teeth
>>1818204I vote we leave that shit because we don't want to break anything. (yes I know this is a little meta)
Rolled 9 (1d10)Use those weird jar opening techniques alluded to earlier.
Rolled 3 (1d20)Bash your skull violently against the object until it opens or brain damage occurs
Rolled 3 (1d10)Knock on it, see who answers
Rolled 2 (1d10)>>1818204>Ask TC to lift the lid for you
This dead, please tell me it's not.
>>1818204>OP uses Reddit logo in post
>>1826261>Anon is triggered by a logo
>>1826268It's a meme you dip
>>1822900CL: Can you flip the cruxtruder upside down? And like, hold it in the air?TC: Uhh... okay???She flips it for you, and you twist the top off with ease. Boom. The power of air pressure. A strange bright blue ball pops out. It's flashing rapidly enough to give any epileptic a seizure. It then. Uh. "Talks" to you.Sprite: ⍌█▓⍌█▓⊠\┤⍌█▓⊠\┤⍌█▓⊠\┤⊠⍌█▓⊠\⍌█▓⊠⍌█▓⊠\┤\┤⍌█▓⊠⍌█▓⊠\┤\⍌█▓⊠\┤┤┤\┤⍌█▓⊠\CL: Oh god my ears. Suddenly, the alchemiter lights up. 04:01, it says in bright blue text. And it then starts ticking down...Huh.TC: What is that thing?!?!?!CL: I have no idea. It's like, screeching at me. Or something.TC: ReallygwdrCL: What?TC: Sorry, my hand slipped. I think... I just felt my first earthquake!!!CL: How bad was it? TC: It was really tiny I thinTC: And that was another one...CL: Do you think your house is safe?TC: I dont know. Im gonna go check with my mom real quick. Be back soon! --- twinklingConciousness(TC) stopped pestering crackingLucidity(CL) at ??:??---Welp. May as well see what you can get done without her.You have a weird blue ball thing that's floating around and making quite a racket. You also have two machines and a pre-punched card.What will you do?----Sorry about the delay.
>>1828558Check the other machines, see what they do and take notes for your guide or something.i think we should prototype one of our butterflies onto the kernel sprite and alchemize a bunch of useless shit
Attempt to calm the blue orb thingy with a pap or two.
>>1828558Poke the sprite with a stick
Rolled 4 (1d10)Put your dick in the orb
Rolled 9 (1d10)Shoot a bullet through the orb, with the protagonist's brain right between the gun and the orb. Let's get some brain matter in that thing
>>1828634Agreeing with the other machine part
>>1828558Thoroughly examine the other two machines while texting one of our other friends (if we have any).Be all "Yo whatup, my life is now a video game and Navi is utterly comprehensible.".
Rolled 2 (1d20)Convince your friends that the best way to level up is to kill themselves immediately in order to unlock dev mode