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File: Definitely a Dad.jpg (53 KB, 600x800)
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Hoo boy.

This wasn't what they said a midlife crisis would be like. Worst case, you'd have an affair with a younger woman, and get your ass divorced. Best case, you'd just buy a sports car. Or three. Or maybe take up an extreme sport or something.

Well, this might count as an extreme sport.

You do hunt demons, after all. And get into way too many fights with supernatural folks, who seem to view attempted murder as just another way to say hello.

Like that fight with your brother in law the other night at a bar, where you took his haunted sword after thoroughly 'disarming' him.

Still have the sword. It's a family heirloom of your wife's folk, and keeps giving you advice more suited to a Warring States feudal lord than a suburban dad. And it's really taken a liking to Sue, a blue-haired magical girl who's one of your daughter's friends, and a bit too into the whole 'RIP AND TEAR' thing.

Bar-hopping with a teleporting wizard is definitely midlife crisis stuff. And that crazy night with T.T. just started out as commiserating with each other as fellow dads who found out their daughters were magical girls, deep in sorcerous debt to the rats they made contracts with.

Oh, and if the rats stop supplying a trickle of magic energy to them - well, you haven't quite gotten a straight answer out of anyone, but the phrases like "eat an entire city" keep getting thrown around. Not something you want happening to your little Melon, or any of her friends.

Or anyone else, really.

So what does a dad do when he finds out his daughter's doing some unladylike and less-than legal work (hunting demons), because she needs to keep getting a fix from her supplier?

Obviously, intimidate the hell out of said supplier (a little magic ferret you've got in your pocket for safekeeping), force him to swear yakuza-style brotherhood with you, and plot to topple his boss' criminal empire.

...you're pretty sure there's a crime movie about that somewhere.

Your own little empire is growing too - just this morning you brought on a redheaded boy named Shelby, who threw in with you in an attempt to save his sister (another magical girl), and because he's sweet on your daughter. Kid does some sort of sword magic, and works part time at the bar where you humiliated your brother in law.

There's something off about him, but he's a lot more stable than he's got any right to be, given what you just saw of his father.

Oh, right, you're in your office at the accounting firm, and your boss (who you suspect is a dragon), put you on the 'special accounts' once he realized that you were part of the supernatural world now.

And you're planning a family barbeque tomorrow night.

You know, normal dad stuff!
>>
I am looking foward to seeing Shotgun-chan having fun making our enemy's go boom. Her inocent smile will be becon of hope for all.
>>
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>>2648573
"So, Bernie," you ask your blond boss, who's still standing in front of your desk, "who on earth puts down '15 Virgins' as a business expense?"

The cigarette smoke from your last client - a 'Kelly Edwards', the father of that Shelby kid who crashed at you house last night - hangs in the air. Despite the fact that this is a non-smoking office.

"That's an old account," Bernie tells you, "we closed it down a few years ago, soon after that statement came through. They seemed like the sort of folks who'd be bad for the firm's reputation," he finishes with a smirk.

There's something in his eyes that hints that the account might not have been the only thing that got closed. And considering that Mr. Edwards' accounts look like something every alphabet agency in thirty countries would want to see, you can only guess what it would take to be 'bad for the firm's reputation'.

"Am I going to need to brush up on my Cayman Islands law for these?" you ask him, then say with a smirk, "or is the Bermuda Triangle a more popular location for offshore accounts in these circles? I hear it's almost impossible to trace anything that goes out there."

Bernie laughs, then says "money's its own kind of magic."

You still suspect that he sleeps on a pile of it.

"Then I guess this is business as usual," you tell him, "you pay me to handle accounts - I'll handle the accounts."

"Hopefully you won't have to handle anything else," he tells you with a grin, turning toward the door, "there's a reason we don't do safety deposit boxes here. By the way," he tosses over his shoulder, "what'd your wife think of the double date idea?"

"She's in," you say, "Friday, right?"

"Friday," he tells you, and walks out of your office.

Well, it's another uneventful day at the office. Your lunch break eventually rolls around.

>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>Research more magical stuff over your lunch break
>Research this 'Kelly Edwards' guy over your lunch break
>
>>
>>2648628
[META POST]
Twitter: for rutimes and my comments:https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Please treat all comments about happening quest events as you would the joshing commentary of an older brother who's seen the show before. It is all in fun, and definitely not canon.

Archive: for catching up on this quest: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Due to archiving issues, 'Shotgun' is the only tag that works.

I probably need to put up a character list somewhere. Pastebin still good for that?
>>
>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow

We should introduce our magical girl squad to his daughter's. Maybe they've got a bad rat.

But we probably should research what Kelly thinks about T.T. Don't want to spoil the mood.
>>
>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
Can't wait to form the Dad Zaibatsu.
>>
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>>
>>2648628
>>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>>
>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow.

>Call your wife to grab some salmon to smoke

I just want part 2 in the thread so we remember to do it.
>>
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>>2648639
Hey I sound someone with the same eyes as Shelby!
>>
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>>2648628
You dial T.T.

"Afternoon," he says, not messing around with the Indian accent fakeout again, "T.T. here."

"I know it's short notice," you tell him, "but I was wondering if you and your family would like to come over to my place for a barbeque tomorrow night."

"Hmm," he mutters, "we could probably make that work. Alice'll be glad to not cook. Where do you live, exactly?"

You tell him, and hear a thoughtful pause.

"So," he says, "that might pose a little bit of a problem. You're deep in Pink's territory over there, and things might get a little messy."

"Messy?" you ask. This guy can't be serious. There's got to be some limit to this 'turf' insanity. They'd be coming over for dinner, not starting a war!

Wait. Last time you talked to her, Pink/Mary was concerned about T.T. using the power from the huge demon he'd absorbed to expand his demon hunting grounds into hers.

So if he just waltzes straight in, even with his family - oh. Right. He's got a magical girl for a daughter, too.

From what you've seen, they're usually not the most levelheaded people around, and go off quickly and violently.

And given that arrow strike you saw last night, 'messy' might be the way to describe it.

"We're not on the friendliest terms," he tell you, and you feel it's probably an understatement, "so we try to keep out of each other's way."

"I'll work something out," you tell him, "and let you know when I've got things arranged."

"Sounds good," he tells you, "now I've got a glass of wine and a summoning circle to get back to..."

>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2648628
I wholeheartedly support >>2648660
>>
>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
He's in the same "concerned father of a magical girl" boat as us. Also he'll be joining us as well
>>
>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?

>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>
>>2648795
>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>
>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>>
>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>
>>2648795
Damn it QM, I want all the things!

In this order:
"I gotta know..."
>>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?

>>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'

We've gotta get some ground rules about the house established. Like no fights to death at our house.
>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

Now that I'm fully caught up on previous threads, Harriet's DEFINITELY the way to go when dealing with Mary. Though, with the whole emancipation thing, we should probably respect Harriet's choice to leave her family out of this whole business. Red shouldn't be too much of a problem though, since she seems to like us almost (not quite) as much as Sue. The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.
>>
>>2648818
13:20 - 13:30 Voting period
>>
>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'

Let's not ask about the virgins. Don't disturb sleeping skeletons.
>>
>>2648833
> The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.

Turns out her home life is totally normal and she's just a natural bitch, and recognizing this makes her more isolated from her family as she feels she has to act equally normal to fit in.
>>
>>2648833
Red almost killed us along with Shelby.
>>
>>2648858
Pinky you mean?
>>
>>2648858
Uh, I thought that was Pink/Mary.
>>
>>2648864
Ah, right,
>>
>>2648795
> Ideas for reconciling Pinky and T.T.

A) BBQ is delicious B) They can fight later C) Thanks for the save last time. We are now packing slugs in case we run into armor again.

Hey did we grab any of that demons armor after killing it BTW?
>>
>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>
>>2648877
I think we just went back home after the Demon died. No real chance for salvage there boss.
>>
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>>2648795
"Before you go," you tell him, "you know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards'?"

You can almost hear the man start to walk around in a large circle.

"Ok," he says, suddenly a little more serious, "let's get this straight first - are you asking because he's after you, or asking because you want him after someone? Because if it's the first one, you need to hang up and start running."

"Neither," you say - is the guy really that dangerous?

...he was in your office a couple hours ago, flippantly talking about leaving a dead man's head in a public toilet. Ah.

And it still smells like cigarette smoke in here.

"I was planning on inviting him too," you continue, suddenly wondering if that's a good idea, "he's in the same 'concerned father of a magical girl' boat as we are."

There's a noise like someone spitting out a mouthful of wine.

"We've got some bad history," T.T. tells you, slowly.

"Is there anyone you don't have bad history with?" you ask the man, a little exasperated, "besides, you'll all be guests at my place, and I'm not a fan of my guests killing each other. And our families will be there - it'll be fine."

"Well," he says, "if someone has him after me, I'd know by now. And his daughter's in this fix too? Well, ya learn something every day. Let me know if you get things worked out with Pink."

Then he hangs up, and you text Harriet.

...Of course she wants to meet in person, so evening finds you, a businessman in a suit, walking slowly through a park with a black-haired schoolgirl.

[1/2]
>>
File: Harriet.jpg (1.2 MB, 2121x2121)
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>>2648961
[2/2]

"So let me get this straight," she asks you, looking up at you with eyes far too old for her face, "you're trying to set up a barbeque for Mary's squad, one of the most dangerous assassins currently operating, and a man with so many enemies he goes by initials so nobody can use his true name against him?"

"It's a family barbeque," you say to the girl, "you know, one with a grill and steaks and hotdogs and a decided lack of magical murder."

"I've only seen those three in the same place once," she tells you, "and I got hard reset pretty fast afterwards. There's no way Mary's going to meet with him on her turf unless he's surrendering."

>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
>"hard reset"?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2648992
>>"hard reset"?
> that implies there are other types of resets
>>
>>2648992
>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
>"hard reset"?
>>
>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>I don't suppose that she can take it easy for a day?
>Wait "Hard Reset"?
>>
>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>"hard reset"?
>>
>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>I might also invite a dragon to the mix, if that makes it better
>How different do these timelines get anyway?
>>
>>2649000
14:14 - 14:24 Voting period. Geez, I'm writing slowly today.

Nice get.
>>
>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>"hard reset"?
>>
>>2648992
>WRITE IN

"So, in any of your loops, you must have gotten intel on all the different magical factions. Ever tried getting them to work together? How'd that go?"
>>
>>2648992
>>It won't be on her turf. It'll be on mine - he'll just be passing through hers
Though he could probably portal to our place if Mary's gonna be pissy about it.

>>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
In fact, it's probably our best (and only) shot at averting the apocalypse, I would think that saving the world comes before supernatural gang warfare.
>>
>>2649028

Also:

"And what the hell does Mary have against everyone not in your squad? Even in business, you don't want to alienate your competitors and set them against you. Maybe you could convince her to keep your friends close and enemies closer, you know?"
>>
Also, if we can come up with a way invade hell to take the fight to the demons' turf for once then maybe everyone can stop piss-assing around with these petty turf wars, or at least move the turf wars into hell. More hunting grounds for everyone.

Explain to me the purpose of Captchas that require you to fill nearly the whole damned grid.
>>
>>2649052
>spoiler
when i get those, i just reload the captcha until i get an easier one.

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>>
>>2649056
what is easier than clicking everything?
>>
>>2649066
Clicking the absolute bare minimum and tell Captcha to go suck dick in hell.
>>
>>2649066
i usually get the ones that tell me to click the store fronts. they tend to be three and are quite easy.
>>
>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf.
It'll be on neutral ground. How'd people like that, you think? A place where all the supernatural folks in this town could meet in peace. Talk things over. Maybe get to stopping the apocalypse instead of squabbling over turf.
>>
>>2649000
Ooh clever.

Also can't we just, you know, bribe Mary to let T.T. in?

If anything wouldn't she prefer to be involves in us dealing with him? Instead of us dealing with him alone?
>>
>>2649085
> The rats, though

I feel like having our place be Neutral Ground officially is a long-term project.

We need to take out the Rats first, so we are decidedly NOT neutral.
>>
>>2649102
I'm pretty sure the dragon's territory was neutral ground, and we're starting up the "Fuck the rats" faction.
>>
>>2649102
Even considering the rats, we can declare our home to be neutral ground for magical girl groups so they can meet and negotiate in a zone that doesn't belong to any of them. That could improve communication between the squads and make it harder for the rats to manipulate and isolate girls.
>>
>>2649104
>Starting up the fuck rats faction
With our bro the ferret!

Another thing is that most of Mary's squad would probably work with us if asked anyway. Red wouldn't be hard to convince, Harriet thinks we're a possible savior of the timeline, Blue loves us, Melon is our daughter, and her boss is our bro.
>>
>>2649120
We gotta watch out for any negotiations with pink though, since she saved us in her territory we don't have the advantage in any talks about her joining.
>>
>>2649130
I agree, we gotta up our ante on that front and get dat gear.
>>
>>2649120
addendum: mary has a similar thought about us being the time loop breaker
>>
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>>2648992
"Hard reset?" you ask. Does that mean there are other types?

"It's, uh," she starts, and her expression gets a little darker, "I died."

You can almost see it in her eyes, like two tiny movie screens - decapitation, a bullet slamming through the tiny forehead, explosions wiping her away instantly, deaths. Over and over, feeling the pain as she wakes up with a gasp, at the beginning again.

Those aren't eyes a young girl should have.

Hell, those aren't eyes anyone should have.

"God, I'm sorry," you tell her, really not sure what else to say, and then ask, because you can't really think of anything else, "can you do it... softer?"

"Maybe," she tells you, "but I've never tried. Always feel like I have to stick it out - you know, hoping like an idiot that this would be the time something showed up out of nowhere and saved us."

That's, damn. And every time that hope gets crushed?

You're gonna make it different this time.

"So," you ask, "was last time they were together anything like this?"

"Hell no," she tells you, "we were fighting World War Three. I'm still not sure what side Edwards was even on. Or which one dropped the bomb on us all."

"I WONDER IF I FOUGHT ON THAT GLORIOUS BATTLEFIELD," the sword intones, "AND WHO HELD ME. A WAR COVERING THE WORLD - NOW THAT'S SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO!"

World War Three? With magicians on the battlefield? She wasn't kidding when she said the world ended several different ways.

"Well," you tell her, bringing in in your ultimate argument, "then if it's different enough, this might be a step toward breaking out. Besides, she won't be on her turf - she'll be on mine. T.T. can just portal in if that'll make her happier."

"Huh," she says, jogged out of what looks like a painful memory, "that, yeah that could work."

Then it hits her, and she looks at you in shock.

"Wait," she says, "your turf? Forget being worried about T.T. coming into her territory - you're saying you're just carving your own little bit out of it? That's gonna be a really tough sell."

>Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>
>>2649143
See >>2649085
If she wants to break the cycle, let's start by leaving all this "turf" shit behind.
>>
>>2649085
Supporting this.
The first step in change is controlling the usage of words. And how they apply to the situation.
>>
>>2649143
>>Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...
>>
>>2649143
>>A man's home is his castle, after all
As long as I own this house and property I can and will invite whoever I damn well please, as is my God given right.

If she has issues with property law she can take it to congress.
>>
>>2649143
>>WRITE IN
lets be honest here. the chances of a hostile demon appearing in our house are slim. And in the slight chance that would happen, the demon's energy would go towards melon's debt.
>>
>>2649143
>>A man's home is his castle, after all
>>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>>
>>2649192
And then it be our sister, who is the demons.
>>
>>2649201
>demon sis is BFF with the one we kicked back to hell
>>
>>2649203
Id be content to learn that she is or was Doomgirl
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
Plus I mean, our “Territory” would basically just be our house and yard.
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Besides, if T. T. Is willing to come to the table and deal with all of his baggage with everyone else she should be able to put on her big girl pants and come over to talk as well. We're all in the same boat here whether they want to admit it or not.
>>
>>2649143
I keep hearing the Millennium Blade's lines in Aku's voice.
>>
>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all

Y'alls can't save the world and not be part of it. It doesn't work, and you don't deserve that.

If it makes her feel better it's also Melons turf.
>>
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>>2649143
"A man's home is his castle, after all," you tell her, "and it should be pretty neutral ground for this. Besides, what's Mary's deal? Has she never heard 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'?"

She just looks at you and sighs.

"Ok," she tells you, "you really don't know how this world works. Hunting grounds and leylines are only part of it, although they're very important for magical girls and people like T.T."

She stares you down, and says "it's not like we can go to the cops about anything. Vampires set up shop? Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice? Enterprising magician opens a portal to Hell? We've got to look out for ourselves."

"That is a lot easier to do in a defined area, where we know anything magical who doesn't have permission to be there is an enemy," she tells you.

"I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."

That sounds kind of rough, actually.

"What about neutral areas?" you ask, "we're walking around in a park right now, and there's a bar that seems to be neutral ground."

"It's the dragon," she says, jerking her head at your office building, "he keeps things in order near the city center. Being territorial is bad for his business - and he doesn't need to feed like we do. Frankly, he's sort of providing a service by maintaining a place like that, but even with his power, he can't cover more than a certain area."

>What about alliances?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>Why the gang terminology?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2649288
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
"Except Mary. Seriously, that girl needs to chill."
>>
>>2649288
>>Why the gang terminology?
>>
>>2649288
>What about alliances?
>Why the gang terminology? I was never a big fan of Rap.

I get the feeling that the big reason why Shelby is not on anyone's shitlist is because he's the bartender and doesn't try to start shit too big for his britches on his own.
>>
>>2649288
>What about alliances?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>Did you never try to unify the factions around here?
>>
>>2649229
Oh thank God, I'm not the only one.
>>
>>2649288
>all of it
>>
>>2649288
>Damn it. It sounds like the rats are doing divide and conquer. They have you fighting each other and reaping profits from both sides.
>>
>>2649288
>Why the gang terminology?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>>
>>2649288
>What about alliances?
>>
>>2649294
15:47 - 16:00 Voting Period.

13 minutes because I like round numbers.
>>
>>2649288
You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet? Throw me a bone here instead of telling me why this or that won't work. I'm going to save my daughter and the world, in that order, and a little girl in a pink dress is not going to stop me
>>
>>2649288
>"I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."
See? What'd I tell you? Sword's got a point sometimes.

>Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice?
Well, that's one question answered.

>What about alliances?
"Wouldn't it make more sense to get everyone organized? You can't go to the authorities about it, I get that now, but that doesn't mean you couldn't form some kind of magical girl union to deal with disputes, negotiate better deals."
>WRITE-IN:
"What if the 'enterprising magician' has a point? Opening portals to Hell to hunt seems more pro-active than simply waiting for them to show up here. Seems more convenient too, hunting according YOUR schedule, rather than the other way around. Then there'd be no need to fight over Earthly hunting ground at all, wouldn't there?"
>>
The rats are payday loan brokers in a pyramid scheme.
>>
>>2649288
"See, that's how the rats get to you. They keep you huddled in little enclaves, separate so you can't even compare notes and figure out the loopholes in the contracts that bind you to them. That's what I'm offering to take a first step towards changing."
>>
>>2649229

Oh God dammit now I can't stop hearing it. I both hate and love you for this.
>>
>>2649361

same hear, now i cannot unhear it.
>>
>>2649229
It's perfect Anon. I don't think it can get anymore perfect since our Rat-Brother already provides the soundtrack to our fights.
>>
>>2649288
> So . . . .you DO know he's my Boss right? We're going to dinner on Friday? I handle the magical accounts now?

> Speaking of which, do you girls have all your financials set up? Pretty sure I can help you out with balancing your energy payments. Which by the way are outright *usurious*, I've been talking to your Rat about it and I think we've come up with a plan to help stabilize your rates.

> A plan which will probably require T.T., so ya know, long term planning.

Overwhelm them with applied normality and responsibility. Fuck off thinking you can just die out of these problems like a bitch.
>>
>>2649313
Fuck your voting period look at me senpai >>2649387
>>2
>>
>>2649387
votan for this,
>>
>>2649387
It's a good start Anon, let's see if we can get it through in the next Update.
>>
>>2649288
"What about alliances?" you ask, "wouldn't it make more sense to get organized?"

She shrugs, raising her tiny shoulders a little then dropping them.

It's almost cute, in a sort of half-drowned kitten way.

"Sometimes people form them," she tells you, "but it's usually in response to some larger threat, and they fall apart pretty quickly afterward. Either it's an argument about dividing up the spoils, or about whether the magician gets to keep summoning demons (and which ones he's allowed to summon), or who gets how much energy, or something else. When you're not across a border from someone, you have a lot more things to argue about."

"And I think you know how arguments always end in this bunch," she says, raising an eyebrow, "you know the phrase about meddling in the affairs of wizards, right?"

Alright, now that you've seen it, you're pretty sure Tolkien was right on the money. Then you've got to wonder if he saw this sort of thing first-hand too.

"I mean," she goes on, "if the time traveling space Nazis showed up tomorrow, we'd be right there alongside T.T. to fight them, but we wouldn't trust him enough to stick around very long afterward."

Wait. The Time-Traveling Space Nazis?

"Is that, uh, a thing that's actually happened?" you ask her, a little hesitantly.

"Of course not!" she tells you, and there's something that might be a grin playing around her mouth, "looks like I got you, though."

"So," you ask, hoping to preserve the lighter note, "why the gang terminology? I was never a fan of rap, myself."

Her smile fades a little (well, there wasn't much of it to begins with), and she tells you "come on. We're doing something illegal, we try to avoid the police, we run in packs, fight over territory, and solve our problems with violence. And we're basically scraping along from fix to fix from some pretty unsavory folks, who are also competing."

She pauses, and the smile twists, "and you know? We're young and dumb and could die tomorrow. The whole 'gangster' thing seems to fit pretty well, actually."

...You can feel the ferret in your pocket squirm in what you're pretty sure is agreement.

>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2649446
>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>
>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>
>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>
>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>
>>2649450
16:34 - 16:44 Voting period.
>>
>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

And this in some fashion, because damn that's good stuff.
>>2649387
>>
>>2649446
>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?
>>
>>2649446
>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family

>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>
>>2649446
>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
We're in a DIFFERENT sort of contract now.
>>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
Can we add "Don of Demons" to that list of titles?[/spoilers]

Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.

>>2649387 also raised some good points.
>>
>>2649446

>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>
>>2649476
Consonants ruin everything.
>>
>>2649446
"So here's a question... If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?"
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>
>>2649446
>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>>
>>2649476
>Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.

Currently the situation is a bunch of magical street gangs fighting each other and making their own situations worse.

Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.
>>
>>2649446
I was gonna vote for >>2649387
,but i also got another random idea.
How do you feel about studying magical contract law? My boss might know somebody who can get you as an intern so even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.
>>
>>2649506
>Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.
Fair point.

>>2649516
>even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.
Maybe we should also come up with some contingency so she can pull us into fixing the situation earlier the next time around.
>>
>>2649387
>>2649446
All of these points still.

Holy fuck rush hour traffic is a special hell.
>>
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>>2649446
"Seems like the rats pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all," you tell her, "keeping you at each other's throats so you can't do anything about the mess they have you in."

"Sounds about right, I guess," she tells you, "never really thought about the bigger picture like that."

"And I'm guessing they tell you guys to not talk to wizards, too?" you ask.

She nods "Freebles was always pretty chill about it," she says, "but I know there are places where the local magical girls and wizards are virtually at war. Their... rats," she says slowly, using your word for the creatures for the first time, as if it's unfamiliar, "probably put them up to it, now that I think of it."

Of course they would - the wizards are probably the only people who could figure out how to help their condition.

It's actually almost beautifully done, you realize, staring at the girl. You can almost see the wheels in her head turning as it begins to fit together.

The demonic infiltration of civil authority structures cuts them off from normal society.

Competition for resources cuts them off from supernatural society, particularly for girls whose families aren't already in it.

The secrecy and danger of their activities cuts them off from their families.

Isolating the target is always the first step in abusing them, isn't it?


"I might have a solution to 'fix' one of your problems," you saying, and the ferret jumps out of your pocket as if on cue.

He's probably been waiting for this the whole time.

"Never thought you'd get around to me, bro," he says, "gonna tell her about our little contract?"

You glance at him as shock flashes across Harriet's face.

And then you look back at him suddenly - what the fuck?

Since when has this little guy had a tattoo? Or fur dye, or whatever the hell that is?

...There's an Eastern dragon coiling and winding over his back, through a field of flowers. Looks like pretty good work, too.

"You, uh," Harriet stammers out, the most shocked you've ever seen her, "how'd you form a contract with him? You're a guy! And what the hell is THAT?"

"It's the kind of contract men make," the little ferret says, standing up and crossing his front paws, "we are sworn brothers. I'll make sure you girls get taken care of."

Well, he's certainly going whole hog on this thing.

You shrug "well," you tell her, "I'm in this for my family. 'Mafia' is a better image than 'gangbanger', anyway."

You can tell she's still having trouble processing this.

>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
>WRITE IN
>>
In before we reenact the Oath of the Peach Garden with totally-not-Kiritsugu and T.T., only we're standing near a BBQ pit as opposed to a tree.

Fuck, I hope we don't have to deal with a Lu Bu.
>>
>>2649612
The thing about Lu Bu is that for as strong as he was, he's kinda dumb and easily manipulated.
>>
>>2649604
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?


Everybody but the sword is bro right now, God bless.
>>
>>2649604
>>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>>
>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order

ahahahahha this ferret i swear
>>
>>2649604
>All of the options.
>>
>>2649604
>>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
>>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
Magical ferret with Yakuza tats, I fucking love you, QM.
>>
>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
I mean seriously, our Rat-Brother is getting Yak tats and everything.
>>
>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?

I think all of these are important to say.
>>
>>2649654
this.
>>
>>2649654

agreed
>>
>>2649604
I'll support >>2649654
>>
>>2649604
>All of the above
>>
>>2649654
Yeah we're going to have to pick everything because Harriet is going to need a tactical sledgehammer to the thinking process.
>>
>>2649654
Ditto
>>
>>2649654
Agreed, lets go with this.
>>
As a complete side note, how in the actual fuck did Freebles not get killed for his shit long before this? My assumption is most of the rats act like QB from madoka where they view shit like emotions to be a bad thing and a literal mental illness. How does rat society even function?
>>
>>2649654
>>2649604
Thank god someone finally suggested this.

>>2649612
Lu Bubwas a bitch who failed everyone who ever relied on him and was a tragic figure at best who only made things worse for everyone around him, including his daughter.

If anything, Lu Bu is our BAD END.

From the sounds of it, we're up against more of an Al Capone character for the Rats.
>>
>>2649690

either nijas, or the Iluuminati
>>
>>2649690
> How does rat society even function?

Easy, just like any gang/pyramid scheme so long as you move product and give your boss a cut they don't give a flying fuck.

Knock off your rival in the organization? So long as you don't appear to be amassing enough power to knock off your boss, money covers all sins.

So we gotta get Freebles enough energy to look successful, but not so much he looks like a threat.
>>
>>2649680
It's like, whenever a contract says you can't show it to a lawyer or waive your rights to one that's a) a lie and b) a really bad sign.
>>
I wonder if a NotConstantine is in this universe.
I feel like if he did exist then the rats would try for his daughter and have to deal with a supernatural trickster on a warpath that's blackmailed Satan at least once.
>>
>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order

We going to have to buy everyone suits
>>
>>2649756
Name one time anything ended well for Constantine or any of his friends.

One fucking time.

"Hurr Durr he tricked immortal beings of spite and power".

As always when dealing with the Devil, the "trick" is getting you to do it in the first place. Everything after that is just a temporary lead until the "House" catches up.
>>
>>2649758
Go from this
>>
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>>2649604
She looks at you, and then back at Freebles, then starts laughing.

Once she can speak again, she looks up at you, and says "alright, if this time isn't it, I am DEFINITELY finding you next time. Freebles, what did you do to yourself?" she asks, as she leans over to pet the ferret's head.

"YOU HAVE FORCED HER TO QUESTION HER WORLD," the sword tells you, "AND THEN YOU PRESENT AN ABSURDITY CAUSING ALL SAID BEFORE IT TO APPEAR SANE. AND LOOK HOW YOUR BROTHER DISPLAYS HIS LOYALTY TO YOU!"

"All the way from the skin to the tip of the hair," she says, one hand groping through the ferret's fur.

You'd bet decent money that she'd probably strangled him once, when he was with the rats.

"You know where I work, right?" you ask her, leaning over to take a closer look at Freebles' new markings.

"Yeah, you're an accountant, right?" she says, looking up at you.

"Nice ink, bro," you tell the ferret, scratching behind his ears as realization dawns on her face.

A passing child points at the three of you, tugging at a parental hand, and you guess they asked for a ferret, since you definitely hear a "we'll see".

"You work for the dragon," Harriet says with a gasp, " holy shit. You've been working for him for years."

"Only at the office," you tell her, "I'm my own man here. But I just got put on the 'special' accounts, so I'm in a good position to help you straighten up those 'energy financials', or find someone else who can."

There's a glimmer of hope in her face.

"If you've got him on your side," she tells you, "then we don't have to worry about the rats turning us off."

"Ya still gotta hunt demons, though," the ferret says, "we can't have my other boss figure out we're runnin' this sorta scam on him."

"It's temporary," you tell her, "and if we're going to break you girls out of it permanently, we're going to need a wizard."

"So," she says, "that's where T.T. comes in."

"Yeah," you say, standing back up, "and for his daughter. Edwards has a daughter with the same problem. Shelby's in it for his sister's sake."

"And no other reasons?" the girl asks you, smirking.

"You think Mary would be up for turning this into a 'legitimate business'?" you ask Harriet, ignoring her implication.

"I'm not sure," she tells you, "she might just take this as a power grab - she's been in this mindset for years, and I've got a unique perspective she doesn't."

"AND NOW YOU LIST YOUR ALLIES AND CONNECTIONS FOR HER," the sword intones, "IMPLYING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR HER TO BECOME ONE WITHOUT ABANDONING HER EXISTING ALLIES."

>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
>Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life
>Let's pitch the 'expansion opportunity' angle
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2649791
>"If you've got him on your side,"
refers to Freebles (who she's petting), not the dragon. That's a lot less clear than I meant it to be.
>>
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>>2649776
To this
>>
>>2649767
Anon,that's the joke.
>>
>>2649791
>"If you've got him on your side,"
>Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life.
>But if she doesn't want to leave then she can still get on with some benefits.


We gotta sell the idea that if the boss is alright with it then it's clean. And she can choose to walk away from this life if she so wants to or get a piece of the action.
>>
>>2649791
>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
>>
>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>>
>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>she wouldn't turn her back on all of you... right?
>>
>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>>
>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>>
>>2649791
>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
Time for Mary to join up or get out of the way because we have all the leverage. Hell is she turns this into a bloodbath Harriet just resets and gets us earlier. Her position will only get worse and worse.
>>
>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>>
>>2649791
> If this was a power grab, hoq does she plan to go against a Dragon, a Kitsune Clan, her own Ferret, the rest of her crew, Shelby, AND T.T.

> Just saying that if it WAS, the best she could do right now is take us down with her.

> Not to mention that I'm easily the squishiest person here, and that I'm still bringing her into it in a position where if she decided murder-suicide WAS the way to go then nobody could stop her.

> in all honesty, who would even want to be in charge of this mess. It sure doesn't seem to make her happy at all.

> She already knows what it's like to sign a shit contract as well, I can both teach her what a fair contract looks like, recommend a second opinion, and then sign one with her too if that's what it takes. I'm not scared to put myself out there for my daughters friends. Especially one who saved my ass already one time.

Fucking kids yo.
>>
>>2649833
i don't know if she can pull anyone else with her, "we" might just die with the timeline
>>
>>2649842
Roses are red

Violets are blue

Qualia doesn't exist

And neither do "you".
>>
>>2649842
Yea but we'll always be melons dad with a magical girl sister who vanished. How hard would she have to push to get us involved every time?
>>
>>2649815
18:14 - 18:24 Voting period
>>
>>2649833
I'd rather we just make sure that she never has to do another reset again. The last 30 times has already been rough on her.
>>
>>2649859
Oh I'd rather avoid it as well. I'm just saying worst case scenario that Mary kills us all doesn't mean it's actually over.
>>
>>2649852
literally just let us find freebles and shit starts from there.
>>
>>2649889
kind of? the real trigger was to find that melon was a MG. We could get the wife drunk in order to know that. Seems to be easier than to find again the ferret.
>>
>>2649897
thing is finding freebles means we put 2 and 2 together cause rats are never without magical girls and if he shows up at our house and we find him like he did in this timeline we start putting 2 and 2 together.
>>
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>>2649791
"Then I think it would be best if we had the other girls along for ballast," you tell her.

"AHH," the sword breathes into your mind, "HAVING HER RETAINERS NEAR WILL PUT HER AT EASE - THEY OUTNUMBER YOU. BUT SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU HAVE COME TO CAPTURING MANY OF THEM FOR YOURSELF. THE VERY ALLIES SHE LOOKS TO WILL FOLLOW YOU!"

The fact that the sword's advice is beginning to sound more and more sane is probably a bad thing.

"I'm not walking in to stage a coup," you think at the sword, "I'm just going to offer a mutually beneficial arrangement. These girls have had enough of shit contracts anyway."

"YOU MAY CALL IT WHAT YOU WISH, LORD," the sword replies, "BUT IN TRUTH, YOU WILL TAKE HER POWER IF YOU SUCCEED."

You look down at the ferret's yakuza tattoos. From what you know, as long as he's with you, Mary really doesn't have any good options.

"We're meeting up tonight anyway," Harriet tells you, "I said I'd be running late, so they're probably all there already."

"Alright, brother," you say to the rat, "I assume you know where this is?"

"Just say the word," he grins up at you.

"Take us in," you tell him.

And suddenly the teleportation grabs you by the base of your stomach, and you're standing in what looks like a second-floor rented office with the blinds pulled, decorated in a strange mix of cute pink things, tea china, and bric-a-brac.

The girls are sprawled out on a couple of couches, drinking tea and eating snacks. Your little Melon is actually doing homework, of all things.

They're shocked to see you arrive.

And their jaws collectively hit the floor when they see Freebles.

"No way!" Sue (the bluehaired one with an unhealthy affection for swords and older men) and Karen (the redheaded thrillseeker) yell out almost in unison, "you got yak tats, Freebles!"

They're on him in a flash, petting him and checking out your bro's new ink.

Well, some women are into tattoos.

Melon looks up at you and says, "uh, hi dad. Didn't expect to see you here. And what happened to Freebles?"

Mary lounges at the end of a couch, watching you through half-lidded gold eyes.

"And to what do we owe this visit?" she asks you, in a very level tone.

>I've got an offer to make.
>I'm taking over this operation.
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>Freebles is my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit. (Ignore Mary)
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>
>>2649977
A clever choice as any Anon.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>I'm taking over this operation.

I keep thinking of how The Godfather in the second movie would have done this.
>>
>>2649977
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>I plan to make things move forward, i a way that's good for everyone
>>
>>2649984
I figure it's a good combo. We don't ignore Mary but we show some of our cards. We're not being openly hostile but we let her know that her boss is working for us and we aren't messing around.
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine

Never hurts to ask first.
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>
>>2649977
18:59 - 19:09 Voting period
>>
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>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>
>>2649969
Also

> We're looking to change how things work. Not just who's in charge, but how the entire game is played. Part of that means getting everyone together and finding out just what game they all are playing.

> Everyone coming has skin in the game, and they're sick of getting it ripped off for one person at the top. It's not enough to survive, we have to win.

> Because my little girl isn't going to be fed into the meatgrinder, and you all deserve the same as her too.

> You're tough kids, but you're kids and they took advantage of that with this bullshit contract. If you're going to fight, it's going to be for yourselves and your friends not to feed some parasite.

> Also I have a dragon. Black Company Quest intensifies

Don't actually mention the dragon part.
>>
>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine

>>2650012
If qm ever rejoins us from the sexy womans feom his work
>>
>>2649977
Oh shit nigga, I'm fuckin' stoked for this reaction.
>>
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>>2649969
"I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night, chiefly," you tell Mary, "and Freebles happened to know where your office was."

At the word 'barbeque', those red and blue heads snap around toward you, and you can almost hear Sue and Karen licking their lips.

"YOU ADDRESS THE WHOLE CROWD INSTEAD OF JUST THE LEADER - A WISE CHOICE," the sword says into your head, "THOSE TWO DESIRE YOUR MEAT."

"That had better not have been intentional," you think at the sword, "you Sengoku spook."

"So that's where you were," Mary says, glancing at Harriet, who's still standing beside you, "the two of you have a nice chat?" she asks.

"Pretty good," Harriet says, "I think he's got a better idea how this world works now."

So she's not going to give the game away herself. Well, you can appreciate that.

"As for Freebles," you say, turning slightly toward your daughter, keeping your eyes on Mary "he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit"


At this, the ferret hops up on the table, stands on his hind legs and strikes a pose.

If he was really a musclebound yakuza, it would have showed off his back and the tattoo impressively.

As it is, it's vaguely ridiculous, and you hear Melon giggle slightly.

Mary's not smiling.

You can see her putting things together behind those universal gold eyes. She knows what it means for the ferret to be figuratively in your pocket.

"Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to Freebles, "you need a little more muscle to pull it off."

Then you see the ferret's eyes glint.


Wait.

If he can give himself a tattoo/dye-job like that apparently just by willpower...


"Barbeque sounds nice," Mary tells you, "but that can't be the only reason you bothered to come personally."

>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.
>Actually, I've got an offer to make.
>Actually, I'm taking over this operation.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2650064
>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.
>>
>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all. And if it's not too obvious I've got a proposition for you all as well.
>>
>>2650064
Supporting >>2650069
>>
>>2650069
This
>>
>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all. And if it's not too obvious I've got a proposition for you all as well.
>>
>>2650064
Basically what >>2650012 was about to say
>>
>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all
>>
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>>2650064
This >>2650012
>>
>>2650012
I like this a lot but I think it would be best used when we have everyone together at the BBQ. It's a very good leader speech.
>>
>>2650064
Supporting >>2650069

>"Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to Freebles
Well, that's ominous...
>>
>>2650068
As hilarious as that line would be...
>>
>>2650064
>WRITE IN
You're right. You kids might be tough, and smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through.

But you're still kids, and from the perspective of someone whose job it actually is to deal with these things, your contract is terrible.

So some other people are going to come too, and we're going to sit down, and we're going to share notes to figure out just what actually is going on.

And then, hopefully, things are going to change.

Because clearly none of us have the whole picture yet. Did any of you know that Freebles could sign a contract with a man? What about the magic shotgun shells?

This great nation was founded on the ideals of freedom, but also on the backs of slaves. It took us a long ass time to figure out that contradiction there, but we learned that lesson deep. And what you girls are, are basically slaves with a long leash. No matter how much power you have, or how comfortable your position is.

So hopefully that's going to change after this. I'm not going to tell you to stop fighting, or to give up your power. But if my little girl is involved then I'm damn well going to make sure that it is HER power, and not something that can be taken away or turned on her.

You don't HAVE tonbe a part of it. It's not about turf, or clawing others down. You just have to not get in our way, for your own sakes if nothing else but also because I'll drag down anything or anyone that hurts my daughter.

That includes protecting her friends. You've kept her safe when I wasn't around to do so and I won't leave ypu behind even if you don't involve yourself directly. I owe you that much. But I recognize you might not agree with what or who gets involved in this. I'm not going to talk about freedom while telling you to kneel though.
>>
>>2650090
It is a bit ominous, but it could be her just saving face. Remember that she did break down and cry in our arms despite giving off them waves of "DIE LOWLY INSECT".
>>
>>2650083
>>2650089
See >>2650097

Also

> Don't worry Freebles, we'll show them just how broad your back really is.
>>
>>2650101
She's been fucked over hard with the line of saving the world. How many corpses do you think are in her past that tried to turn her with the promise of saving herself.

The difference is, we're saying we're gonna help everyone save themselves.
>>
>>2650064
>>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>>I've got an offer to make
>>
>>2650101
You've got a point, but it still makes me antsy.
>>
>>2650106
Indeed Anon. I wonder if she's so desperate for a real father figure in her life like the other magical girls that we could be a real saving grace.
>>
>>2650064

>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>>
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>>2650064
"Actually," you tell her, "I need to ask safe passage for a couple of the other guests. My place is rather deep inside your territory, after all. And if it wasn't too obvious," you finish, "I've got a proposition for you all as well."

"Showing up to proposition an entire room of teenage girls?" Mary asks you, half a grin on her face, "your wife falling down on the job or something? Alright, who's coming to dinner?"

You grit your teeth a little. The joke was a little poor, but the insult to your wife was uncalled for. Melon looks a little shocked, and the room goes tense.

"Kelly Edwards," you start off, determined to not let it get to you, "and his family."

"As long as he doesn't have a contract on one of us," she tells you, then looks at Melon, "his son's practically got a pass anyway. So who's the other one?"

"T.T. and his," you tell her, and her eyes narrow.

"Did that wizard put you up to this?" she asks.

"SHE ASSUMES THIS IS SOME PLOT ON HIS PART," the sword intones, "AND FAILS TO SEE YOU AS THE MASTERMIND."

"No," you tell her with a smile, "actually, I invited him, and he's too scared of you to come without an ok."

"Glad to hear he's scared," she tells you, "so I'll think about it. Or as certain sorts of people like saying," she says, again with the half grin, "we'll see."

The temperature drops another half degree.

"So what's this proposition?" she asks, "what color do you want? Blue's bound to be a bit wild, but I'm sure you know that. Red's got some potential. I'm not sure you'd have much fun with black, and I didn't figure you for - oh, that's it, isn't it? You want gold?" she finishes, with a rather evil smile.


There's a range of expressions on the girls sitting around the room. Your daughter is scandalized, and looks a little hurt. Harriet looks vaguely bored, and slightly disappointed. Karen watches intently, like a shark smelling blood in the water, and Sue's face is... hard to read.

You just hope your is too. At least none of them look like this is even nearly normal. There's almost an electric buzz in the air.

>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>Alright, want to throw down?
>All of them. And you, too.
>>
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition
>>
>>2650147
>Smack her on the head.
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>All of them. And you, too.
>All 5 of you are over your heads in debt and I am to get you out of it.
>>
>>2650147
>For the leader your seem to have a poor understanding of word choice. Probably how you all ended up with such shit contracts. My job is contracts and I'm looking for some more clients if you're interested. Everyone else I've mentioned that's coming is looking to break the cycle, figured you might want better for your girls as well. Unless you have some other lazy insult to chuck my way.
>>
>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>>
>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
And I'm providing free food. At least come for that.
>>
>>2650154
support
>>
>>2650153
>>2650154
This. Fusion of this.
>>
>>2650153
you know what, this
>>
>>2650147
Fuck it, I support >>2650154
If she's gonna parody the part of the madam of the world's second most fucked up brothel then it probably time to wake her the fuck up.
>>
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>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>>
>>2650147
>>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.
To work with me.
>>
>>2650147
>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.

> I'm sure you noticed my wife as well, her people have . . . Appetites

Do this while leaning in close enough for her to smell our aftershave then

> Smack her on the head

> Gods help me, if you don't believe me about the appetites bit just ask Melon. I sure as hell don't want to deal with a horny teenage girl on top of that, my wife is plenty enough for me.

> Honestly who have you girls been hanging around with to act like this. Seriously. I might have to have a talk with them, but in your style with the stabbing and shooting and such if they've been letting you get away with this Degrassi cliche attitude.

Then we explain what Degrassi was.
>>
>>2650147
>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you
>>
>>2650147
backing this >>2650153
>>
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>>2650154
>>2650111
I mean I support this too.

Really. So kuch to do with these kids. I feel like we accidentally bought a project home that was reno'd by the owner who is an engineer.

See that? That's where the fucker put the counter over the fucking 240v range plug for the stove in the income property I just bought. Swear to fucking god, let's not even talk about the 220v he ran along the fucking underside of the bathtub to install the washer/dryer.

It's also installed on top of the fridge cord, if the fridge dies you would have to rip the counter out.

I mean. That's happening anyways but goddamn.

Dude owned 10 houses *and this was the one he lived in*. Fucking death trap.

And you ever try to get a 3m range cord?
>>
>>2650147
You can't believe this. It's so stupid, you feel almost like laughing

This is worse than your dad jokes. She's just taking a perfectly acceptable word, and construing it the worst, most awkward way possible.

It's just... juvenile.


Juvenile.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And exactly who's doing it to you. She's baiting you, but you see something beyond the universes in her eyes and realize she's scared beyond belief.

You walked in here with her killswitch doing you homage.

And she might be a goddess or something, and she might be running a small-time magical street gang, but she's also just a scared little girl.

"SHE PUSHES YOU AWAY TO DETERMINE IF YOU TRULY WISH TO COME TO HER," the sword funnels into your mind, "AND MISSES HER MARK BY DRIVING AWAY HER ALLIES."

Maybe that's part of it too, you think, but you don't need the sword's advice.

We're doing juvenile?

Let's do juvenile.


Before she can react, you flick her on the forehead.

She jumps a little, and you say "so, is your poor understanding of word choice and context why you ended up with that shit contract? Kids these days," you finish, and flop backward onto the other couch.

Some of the tension dissipates from the room, and you put your right arm around your daughter. She nestles into you.


"No, I'm not here to listen to you audition for Madam of the World's Second Most Fucked Up Brothel," you tell her, "and that role's not gonna win you any Oscars, anyway."

"I," you tell her, gesturing forward with your left hand, "am here to make a BUSINESS proposition. I'm an accountant, right? And you kids are over your heads in a debt that is going to kill you, or worse."

You see motion near your outstretched left hand. It's Freebles, with a cigarette and lighter in his little paws.

Where the hell did he get those? you wonder, taking the smoke reflexively. The ferret clambers into your lap to light it for you, and you take a puff.

Wait. You just played into the little rodent's yakuza idea a little harder, didn't you?

...What the hell.


The smoke drifts upward, as the girls' eyes fixate on you. Universes, black pits, blue fires, red gemstones, and your daughter's lovely wide pair. She obviously got them from her mother.

So this is how you get their attention, huh?


"I figured I'd come talk the idea over with you, and do the courtesy of doing it at your place," you tell Mary, who's looking at you with unreadable, but interested, eyes. Apparently, you've managed to speak her language, "instead of waiting until you're at my table with a wizard and an assassin. And you know why those guys are gonna be there?" you ask her, gesturing with the cigarette for emphasis.

"Because their daughters are in this fix too," you tell her, and take another drag, "and they want to break this cycle."
>>
>>2650247
>your daughter's lovely wide pair.
SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER, PAL!
>>
>>2650247
"THE BATTLE FLOWS IN YOUR FAVOR," the sword says, "STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT - ISSUE A COMMAND TO HER RETAINERS. SEE IF THEY OBEY YOU WITHOUT LOOKING TO HER"

>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke
>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2650252
Don't you mean
>OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HER DAD!
>>
>>2650253
>>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>>
>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
Sure is a bit too obvious and Harriet is smart enough to pick up on what we're doing.
>>
>>2650253
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>
>>2650253
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>
>>2650254
>God damn it DAD I'm your DAUGHTER.....not that I mind *blush*
>>
>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>
>>2650247
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>>
>>2650253
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

She saw us go after a demon with a shotgun, get bodied, and keep on going.

Clearly, we don't back down.
>>
>>2650253
>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>
>>2650258
21:27 - 21:37 Voting period.

Jesus, an hour between posts? My timing is slipping.

>>2650252
>>2650254
Hey, you can notice someone looks good without wanting to fuck them.

...And he does imply that he's thinking that because of his wife's eyes.

>>2650189
My father once told me "a house has no hidden perfections".

At least you're not dealing with a half aluminum wiring job from the 50s.

HOLY SHIT UNDER THE TUB? That guy trusts caulk a lot more than I do.

Jesus, good luck getting that place together.
>>
>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>
I want to let you all know that I love you.
And that this is totally isn't playing in the background while we're setting the deal down for Mary to comprehend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b1wt3-zpzQ
I can't be the only one who's got their own tunes playin in the background to this quest.
>>
>>2650253
>>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke

With The Most Serious Dad Face we can muster:
>>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

(Gentlemen, I dare say we just came into our own as Yakuza Dad thanks to the rodent.)
>>
>>2650282
I'm down with being Yakuza Dad. we just gotta be the dope as fuck version. Actual honor, protect our turf and those in it. This freaky world is fucked and basically lawless, let's enforce our own order.
>>
At some point please remind that we need to have the kanana a drip of sake for him.... he deserves it too.
>>
>>2650281
You are most definitely not the only one with tunes, Anon. Although, I've been listening to the RWBY soundtrack lately, so not quite as appropriate. Let me break out the 60-70s Japanese funk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA9LVzuC7z4

>>2650287
Wholeheartedly agree, Wholesome Yakuza Dad all the way.

See Captcha, I don't mind when you ask me to identify Vehicles. Its when you ask for Cars and only give me Trucks that bothers me.

>>2650290
True. Though, I think at some point we're gonna need to seriously consider giving TYB to Sue. They seemed to get along quite well, as much as I love getting feudal-era advice.

Also, I'm quite amused to see my brothel comment made it into actual dialogue, QM. Many thanks.
>>
So we are going Yakuza Good Dad when it comes to things like managing people and Doomguy Dad when it comes to fighting.
In other words, our stance seems to be “if you’re with us I will support you and make sure to get you to a better position, but if you’re actively against us and a threat then you get a face full of gun.”
Badass.
>>
>>2650287
>>2650282
Nah man.

We're true blood American.
>>
>>2650299
>implying we won't be the great peacemaker of the planet to deal with the absolute fuckery that is the rats.
>>
>>2650300
We are General Patton in the flesh were we rain down magical missiles in air and have a massive fuck you wave on ground with TT and Edwards.
>>
>>2650297
Maybe accidental Yak daddy, we ain't getting a tattoo though. We are totally going to get a tattoo by magical fuckery.
>>
>>2650312
No anon we are a Demon Lord descendant
>>
>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?
>>
>>2650312
I wonder if we could get a magical tattoo or something similar that would enhance our durability.

Captcha WTF are you doing? I'm not a bot. Stop giving me codes.
>>
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>>2650314
Yo Buddy, Still Alive?
>>
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>>2650314
K
>>
>>2650331
Outstanding.
>>
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>>2650253
Seems like decent advice, but you can't quite decide on who to ask.

"Someone," you say, leaving it up to fate, "crack a window for the smoke, hey?"

To your surprise, it's Karen who flits toward a window in a flurry of red hair.

"THAT IS IT," the sword whispers into your mind, "SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS DOUBTFUL, AND SHE WAS THE ONE WHO RAN TO DO YOUR BIDDING. YOU HAVE WON. YOU MAY DEMAND SURRENDER - RICE FOR YOUR STOREHOUSES, WOMEN FOR YOUR SOLDIERS, THE PRECIOUS THINGS OF THE HOUSE FOR YOUR OWN. BUT TAKE NOTHING FROM THE SHRINES, AND NOTHING THAT IS DEDICATED TO AN ANCESTOR OR A GOD..."

You tune out the sword's list of how to plunder a Warring States' warlord, and stare Mary dead in the eyes.

"Did you think I was all talk when I said I'd break the cycle, Mary?" you ask.

"Yeah," she breathes, "but Christ, you're playing this game like you've been in since you were a kid."

"Maybe I have been," you tell her, taking another puff, "you kids might be tough, and pretty smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through. I can't imagine what your life's been like."

"But," you say, leaning over the table between the couches, "your contracts are terrible. I'm going to do what I can to change that. And nobody in on this has the full story."

"What's the first thing you do to someone when you're going to abuse them?" you ask her.


The question hangs in the air like the lazy gray smoke from your lips.

"You isolate them," you tell her, "you cut them off from anyone who could help them. You make them think that if they went for help, it would be even worse. Unfortunately, that's got a ring of truth for you guys. But that's only a ring, not the real thing. You know why you're told to stay away from wizards? Because they might be able to free you from the control the rats have over you."

"So," you ask, "want to give T.T. safe passage for tomorrow night? It's why I invited him, after all."

...Then she does the last thing you'd expected.

She gets up off her couch, and kneels, KNEELS before you.

It's like something off a Conan book cover - a girl in each arm, a kneeling foe...

WAIT.

How the hell did Sue get up against your left side without you noticing?

"What oath do you want me to swear?" Mary asks you.

>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
>I don't want you to swear
>Fealty as a feudal lord under me
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2650344
WE FULL FAN FICTION LEVELS NOW

WE GOING FULL YAKUZA
>>
>>2650344
>I don't want you to swear, I want you to be free.
>But if you insist, then the yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother
>>
>>2650344
>>Fealty as a feudal lord under me
SHOTGUNSHOGUN
>>
>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
It ain't broke and we've always been in this for family, why not grow it a little?
Dad Zaibatsu!
>>
>>2650344
>>WRITE IN
No oath. Just a promise.

Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
>>
>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
While I would love the Fealty choice i feel that it would leave a sence of resentment in mary and make her feel like she is under use. Thou she is regardless it will work better if she doesn't think she is
>>
>>2650358
This! This is great!
>>
>>2650344
>>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
I just want y'all to know, I'm very sorry for this.

>>2650358
>Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
I also like this a LOT.
>>
>>2650344
>>2650353
Supporting, don't force her to swear any oath. But give her the option if she feels like she wants to.
>>
>>2650358
>>2650344
This too. It's too sappy to not be included. It's our literal end game.
>>
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>>2650352
22:14 - 24 Voting period.

I just feel like I have to post this every thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMT1aAbnCLQ
>>
>>2650358
>>2650344
This should be a part of what the MC says regardless of our own choice.
>>
>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
>>
>>2650367
De facto opening theme?
>>
>>2650344
We are not in this as some sort of power grab. We don’t need her to swear anything, just try to help us get them all out of this crap position they’re all in.
They’re basically all our clients in a business venture.
>>
>I don't want you to swear, I want you to be free.
>But if you insist, then the yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother
>>
I feel we should try to be a shining beacon of NORMALCY for the girls. Hope for a happy life. And that means not going along with their fucked up worldview. More Responsible Adult, less feudal warlord. At least openly.
>>
>WOMEN FOR YOUR SOLDIERS
Uh, sword, if you hadn't noticed. Our "soldiers" in this case are mostly women. How well do you think that's gonna go over?
>>
>>2650389
I agree.
>>2650391
I believe the sword is thinking less in terms of "reproduction" and more "get them someone that will help them get their rocks off".
>>
>>2650358
PERFECTO
>>
>>2650344
Another Supporting >>2650358
>>
>>2650376
>They’re basically all our clients in a business venture.
If you think about it, that's exactly how organized crime works.

I admit, although I had no idea that things would go this way, I'm really a fan of the whole 'gangstas getting pulled into The Family'/Yakuza aesthetic that we seem to have wandered into.

Or, in short "Magical Girl Mafia".


>>2650352
>WE FULL FAN FICTION LEVELS NOW
You're going to have to explain what you mean by that.

Are we talking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVFIxz4B6Js ?

Because that's what I think "full fanfiction levels" means.


>>2650391
>Our "soldiers" in this case are mostly women. How well do you think that's gonna go over?
Last I remembered, our 'soldiers' were us, a ferret with a tattoo, and a teenage boy.

The sword has a definite streak toward giving the usual advice for Sengoku/Warlord armies in general, not just ours.
>>
Something I'd like us to keep in mind until later: I want us to research why Harriet got the power that she has. I mean, looping exactly one year? That's really specific. How much can the rats control how a MG's powers manifest? Are each of them specialized tools? Are they shooting for some angle? Do they know about the apocalypse, and is she their attempt at preventing it? Or does the loop power have to do with Harriet's will to save her friends? But if so, why did she get that power before the first loop even started?
>>
>>2650344
>WRITE IN

Pinky swear.
>>
>>2650352
>>2650353
>>2650356
>>2650360
>>2650363
>>2650373
>>2650386

Are Weebs the new furries? No, they are the original furries.

> Can't play a red blooded American male on this board

Well at least there is Thug Quest.

Maybe I should be in time for a vote for once if I want to change things.
>>
>>2650410
Perfect.
>>
>>2650408
The answers will be revealed later when OP makes them up. Until then, don't stress it.
>>
>>2650410
Avoid those. The way everyone around us works the more likely that ends with people maiming themselves.
>>
>>2650414
Maybe, but I always find bitching to be the more efficient routine
.
>>
>>2650414
How is Thug Quest? I see it pop up every now and then, and I'm curious about what makes it interesting.
>>
>>2650421
It's a crime quest set in america in the 80's. Great heists and solid characters.

Also, Cat a qt
>>
>>2650425
Thanks Anon. Sounds like I should give it a read sometime.
>>
>>2650425
Alex best girl though.
>>
>>2650420
Well. It's more fun at least.
>>
>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
>Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
>>
>>2650449
Backing
>>
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>>2650344
"The yakuza one is pretty good, brother/sisterhood and all that," you tell the heap of linen and lace in front of you (she went frilly at some point), "but I don't want you to just swear to me - I want you to be free. What if I go nuts?" you ask her.

"Then I kill you," she tells you, laserlike eyes transfixing you, "if I can."

"That's what a real sister would say to her brother," you tell her, smiling, "Freebles, get the stuff," you tell the ferret.

He returns seconds later with sake, glasses/dishes, and those same three drunken banners he made in your garage.

Dude's efficient, if nothing else.

"So promise me," you tell her, "promise me that on my deathbed, I'll see you girls happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by your sides."

She - almost blanches.


"I can't promise you that," she says, "but I'll promise you that I'll try - And I know I'll fuck up. I might fuck everything up. But dammit, I'll try to do a good job. and I'll do it even though I don't know if I'm ready for it. That enough?"

That's, uh, rather like what you told her being a father was like.

Exactly like it, if you recall correctly.

"I'll drink to that," you tell her, and then you do.


"Eldest brother," she says to you, once the ceremony concludes, "we are yours to command."

...You could swear there's the hint of a terrifying smile in that face.

"Sist-" you begin, and then you're back THERE, watching your sister dive into Hell, "sister," you continue, fighting it down, "you are mine to defend. We're going to change how things work, and we'll win somehow."

Mary stands up, and throws herself at the other couch. There's a little yelp as she lands into Harriet, but they sort things out.

Very, very friendlily.

"We might have a problem with the two groups you want to come through m-your territory," Mary tells you, settling in against Harriet, "if their daughters are magical girls, they're not on Freebles' contract. We're going to have to deal with that before they can really be ours."

>Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?
>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>Let's sort that out later.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2650408
If I had to guess, she became a magical girl when things started REALLY going to shit the first time (WW3 and all that) and was in the position Melon was this time around, wanting to help/save her friends.

>>2650416
Perhaps, but it doesn't hurt to bounce theories around while we wait.

>>2650414
Alright, I'm gonna try even harder not to be an asshole here: Have you perhaps considered that A) the QM provided that option for his own reasons, B) that so far the people we've encountered operate a particular way and we're going with what they'll best understand, C) we're already knee-deep into some pretty heady "weeb" shit here what with magical girls, fox-brides, and sengoku swords so it's a little late to bitch about "weebs", D) there isn't another such cut-and-dried ritual bonding experience we can draw on, because if you can come up with one, I'm all ears, but so far this has worked, if we're gonna change how this freak show works, we're gonna need to be EFFECTIVE.

Also, I think we all trust the QM to make the right narrative decisions in keeping with our dadliness. We get to put in our two-cents, sure, but a hell of a lot of this still depends on him, because we might've voted for a couple sentences, but we're still gonna do it in the dadliest way possible.

Also, did you even notice that a lot of people also voted for >>2650358 ?

We've had plenty "red-blooded American dad" moments. So give the xenophobia a rest, please.
>>
>>2650453
>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>
>>2650453
>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>Freebles - You can do that right?
>>
>>2650453
>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>
>>2650453
>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat? What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? We technically have one we could call on.
>>
>>2650453
>>Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?
>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>>
>>2650453
>Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?
>>
>>2650453
>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>
>>2650453
"Deal with that" how, exactly? I mean, surely there are conventions for meetings between MG groups. Freebs, you know their rat? Could you call for a parley or something?
>>
>>2650453
I like this, I'm supporting this Anon's post.
>>2650468
>>
>>2650456
23:07 - 23:17 Voting period.

>>2650414
4chan was founded by weebs, for weebs, etc.

If you didn't want weebs, you shouldn't be in a thread with 'magical girl' in the title.

Although, honestly, I like red-blooded American Fatherhood too. And a lot of other things.

This quest is a weird blend of Americana (as anyone who was in Rock Quest should know) and whatever weeb I think fits naturally into it.

So hey, if you like this blend, stay in here. If not, eh, stay in here and nettle other folks. Or get out. Whichever.

>>2650455
>I think we all trust the QM
I'm humbled by your faith.
>>
>>2650453
>>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>
>>2650453
>2650453
>Write-in
>Aqcuire Daughter and cuddle with her
>>
And so began the strongest threat to the dominion of the rats over the megucas...

Parental Guidance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2gEkdPZOM8
>>
>>2650481
Found this vid on yt, seems very relevant.
>>
For some reason I really want to see Deculture's magical girls in this quest. Having this MC interact with Malal et all would be great.
>>
>>2650479
Completely safe father-daughter cuddling, not the kinda cuddle/spooning we do with the wife.
>>
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>>2650455
Jesus take a chill pill.

The whole weeb thing has been a running topic since the beginning, and the QM provided the option because he's just here to have a good time.

Personally I thought pointing my own lack of timing for the votes was displaying self awareness that it's not a serious issue, but I apologize for not making it super duper extra special clear.

> Another ritual

Pinky swear was both a Dad pun, and ironically a common Japanese trope but not really ironically because I'm not so insecure as to be rabidly against/for anything.

Same as when I was "against" getting a yak tattoo. Read the spoiler in that post.

If you want to call me out, pay attention. Who the fuck do you think you are you little shit.

If I was going to e suggesting other bonding experiences it would be Blood Brothers, a classic American tradition between friends and also a magical theme given the whole demonic angle and subtext of contracts written in blood since the MGs are pre-deminic beings from a certain point of view, and it could even give us some measure of control over them if they DO flip their demonic switch.

Bam. I can pumpnshit like that out all day. Instead I made a Dad Joke and poked fun at the weebery as is tradition since the beginning.

In the future don't bother to "try even harder to not be an asshole" because I'm not a thin skinned bitch who can't handle people saying "seriously fuck off with the weeb criticism. Learn to love the degeneracy." Or something. I'm not like that guy earlier passive agressively guilting the QM by saying he isn't going to post outside of votes.

And I sure as hell am not going to respect you slapping my face while pretending being civil is some strenous burden like I insulted you personally. Believe me, when I insult you you'll know it because it will be with the same tone of deep disappointment you've never heard your father talk to you without.

That was one, because I really don't appreciate being condescended to. Doesn't feel good, does it. Maybe next time you'll try constructive criticism instead of confrontation. Maybe you'll speak with actual respect in your tone instead of implying that I deserve your assholery but you're holding it back as some sort of service or favor.

I think I've mad my opinion of ypur post perfectly clear, but feel free to come at me about shit again and see what happens. Fuck I'm not even serious about 90% of this post, the shitposting just comes to me.
>>
>>2650477
Honestly I don't mind the weeb aesthetic, and I have been ragging on it a little hard and could back off.

I mean. NO JOHN, YOU ARE THE WEEB is my state of being. I got deepest 3 kingdoms lore going on with Lu Bu and I'm totally down with getting some yak tats.

The only thing I'd like to see is the MC not having deepest weeb lore, honestly.

Which has been happening, so I don't even really have any complaints. I'm just drinking and I get a little shitposty when that happens.
>>
>>2650503
>Jesus take a chill pill
>Here's a fucking wall of text about it

Maybe take a breather yourself there friend.
>>
>>2650507

hey, look at me, im never sober
>>
>>2650503
>>2650477
Okay I get REALLY shitposty when I drink.

> Feels like banished quest all over again

I'll stop shitting up the thread now.
>>
>>2650481
>>2650484
I don't think it's possible to find something more appropriate than this.
>>
>>2650503
Jesus, I got excited thinking this long ass post was an update by QM.

Its just anons arguing about weebery. We are in a quest involving Magical Girls and a kitsune wifey. There is going to be some fucking weebness. The only weeb part is from Freebles giving us the Yakuza idea, our wife's family sword, and the fact that the only warlord title that rhymes with Shotgun is Shogun, specifically they only really rhyme in English. So yeah, good amount of Weeb, but well explained weeb.

The real question is, when we talked about "Our daughter's wide-eyes" that reminded us of our wife, WHY did NO ONE make a redneck joke?! Goddamnit!
>>
>>2650510
>>2650511
Self awareness came like, right after hitting the post button.

Really there should be a tipping point where if you're drinking enough to post that shit, it should ask for captchas drunk people can't solve.
>>
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>>2650503
>>2650455
I want to let you both know that somewhere out in the wild blue yonder of the cosmos. Someone is shipping the two of you together. And is arguing with other Anons of it's kind about how the two of you are it's OTP or some shit.
>>
>>2650519
>You can take the redneck out of the country, but you can't take the redneck out of his daughter.
>>
>>2650521
I'm down for a hatefuck. I'll keep my cowboy boots on if they wear a kimono.


> He who fucks my woman, I will fuck in the ass and make them my woman in turn.
>>
>>2650521
I think that >>2650503 is the bitchy Uke who argues until >>2650455 slips it down his throat by force to shut him up.
>>
>>2650520
Definitely been there. If a post is over a certain length and you're not op there should be some boxes asking if it's the depression or the booze talking.
>>
>>2650481
>You and your trusty shotgun
Damn. It's like it's tailor made.
>>
>>2650519
Because it was talking about our daughters wide eye, not her wide brown eye.

Gotta keep it Christian with the poop hole loop hole.
>>
>>2650521
you know what, i ship this now.
>>
>>2650530
Nah, anal only happens once she starts getting experimental or loose. Otherwise it is daily blowjobs after school and nightly "tucking in". God, it's like you have never watched Law and Order SVU.
>>
>>2650477
>I'm humbled by your faith.
You've made the Sword of Aku and a Yakuza Kyubbey expy. You've more than fucking earned it.
>>
>>2650527
It's called being a power bottom. I generate all the power.
>>
>>2650538
And if you do it right break pelvises.
>>
OP, write faster, these bored anons are getting out of hand.
>>
>>2650538
Yeah, but deep down you get off on the idea of taking care of your man and feeling him pop inside you. God, what is this thread. Quest all about magical girls and a beleaguered dad and here we are shipping anons in the thread and writing smut-fictions about anons instead of chars.
>>
>>2650481
I found this rather amusing.
>>
>>2650453
"Freebles," you say, leaning back into your couch and hugging your daughter, "can you take a contract off a rat?"

"Yeah, Boss," he tell you, lounging off your lap into Sue's, "if I can make him give it up - it's mine. It's like shaking down a strip club."

"So," you ask, ignoring the implications, "what are the chances their rat shows up at an event like this?"

"Pretty goo-" Mary and Harriet both begin, then stop when they realize they're echoing each other.

"He'll definitely show up at some point during the night," Mary tells you, evidently the spokeswoman, "you have a plan?"

"I might," you say, and stroke the little ferret (without stroking Sue), "what if there was a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop?"

"If they REALLY couldn't stop it," your brother ferret says, "he'd pull the plug on one of his girls, and hope she killed all the demons before the rest of her team put her down."

That's... wow.


"So we'd need to make him give them up completely voluntarily?" you ask, hoping that the nuts atmosphere of the rest of this world filters over into his.

"Before we tried a false flag?" your brother asks you, "yeah. But there are some other things we could try," he says, giving you a wink, "contests. There's a good mythological tradition of it."

"You want to go bare knuckle boxing with him if he shows up," you ask, "are you sure about this, bro?"

"Yeah," he tells you, "I know who's operating in my town - and I'd like to give any of them a facefull of claws. Trust me, brother - I'll come out on top."

>That sounds like a decent idea
>What if we - pumped you up a bit?
>Alright, things seem good here. Go hunt demons, or whatever you do.
>WRITE IN
>>
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>>2650541
I do not regret starting this fire one damn bit.
>>
>>2650547
>What if we - pumped you up a bit?
TRAINING MONTAGE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>>
>>2650544
When the chemistry is right the chemistry is right. Besides everyone is down for a hatefuck, all the fun of fighting with the bonus of orgasms.

Also this is 4chan, we all have the attention span of autistic hamsters that just snorted cocaine.
>>
>>2650551
>>2650547
This. But song will we use?
>>
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>>2650536

Funny story I grew up without cable and got into anime on VHS bevause I didn't have the chance to normalize with regular hut my friends parents owned a Rogers Video. So I got to watch all the Robotech and Slayers series, Lodoss etc in the 90s when anime was good and not just a downward spiral of edgy deconstruction or "gap moe" pandering.

> You will never see Venus Wars on a tube TV in highschool anime club with fan dubs, then have the crazy girl insist you feel her 16yo "Gainax Boobs" nd realize that sometimes 2D becomes 3D

My weeb predates the internet. Playing LOtRD on BBS, paying Innkeepers to murder their patrons and getting beat with ugly sticks.
>>
>>2650553
This song of course!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D-QD_HIfjA
>>
>>2650547
"I was thinking we could do something with the magic you'd get off of demons. Can you get magic from the remains of demons? And if that's the case, can we refine it into something more... addictive?"

How about we add in a little Breaking Bad in this crime drama?
>>
>>2650547
>What if we - pumped you up a bit?

Get the protein powder, shit's getting real.
>>
>>2650541
Nyan Nyan

>>2650553
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8DTNZEJeQt8

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EhGEGIBGLu8
>>
>>2650557
SQUATS AND OATS ANON
Q
U
A
T
S

A
N
D

O
A
T
S

A
N
O
N
>>
>>2650551
23:54 - 00:04 Voting period, you know the drill.

>>2650503
>Pinky swear was... a Dad pun
Holy shit I missed that.

>Blood Brothers
The 'Sworn Brothers' thing is basically equivalent, but might not be, in certain supernatural contexts.

I enjoy having you in here.
>>
>>2650558
We're gonna use Holy Diver when we get our "power up" to rescue our totally-dead-sister from hell.
>>
>>2650553
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WDH4NFCAe5g

Tanya a shit. A SHIT.
>>
>>2650547
"Just to be clear, Freebs, thisisn't a death match you're talking about? Because if you kill him, he'd rat us us out to Home Office before we're ready."
>>
>>2650563
I figure that would be better for the slow walk through the hell portal with the full crew to wreck shit.
>>
>>2650563
Nah man, that's Rainbow in the Dark.
>>
>>2650547
>What if we pumped you up a bit?
>>2650552
Not our fault that the plot of a Shonen-ai/Yaoi manga fell into our laps. Probably turns out that these guys go to the same college and will somehow meet up without knowing it. The awkward sexual arguments irl, followed by the shitposting fights online eventually resulting into >>2650549 pushing >>2650455 onto his dorm room bed and pulling his dick out and sucking it until he is hard enough for >>2650503 to force it into himself and ride him with a smug smile on his face until >>2650455 cant stop himself from blowing his load and questioning his sexuality.

Then >>2650455 realizes he is a "Shitpostosexual".
>>
>>2650569
WUT
>>
What if we give him a small shotgun.
>>
>>2650569
Anon I think you need another beer.
>>2650568
Anything by Dio works for that moment.
>>
>>2650571
Yes. YES YES YESYESYESYESYESYES!

>>2650565
>>2650558
>>2650555
All good suggestions. Pulling for https://youtu.be/ZTidn2dBYbY myself.
>>
>>2650567
Possibly. I was thinking more this

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0wipbTj4z0E

Fuck I remember burning a bunch of these to DVD to play on my ps2
>>
>What if we pumped you up a bit?

>>2650569
WAT U SAY NIGGA???
>>
>>2650569
I'm mid 30s and a Wolf, like gay community wolf not a faggot wolf. 5 years away from getting my Daddy card and picking up a flip twink.
>>
>>2650554
I somehow remember seeing parts of RotLW on normal television as well as a show were the ultimate technique was a guy magically flying into his enemy and exploding them from the inside and Robotech, still got the PS2 game somewhere friends loved it at a sleepover. Also Yu Yu Hakusho, Knights of the Zodiac but those are normal non-DBZ Toonami/Adult Swim stuff. The worst part, I was attending a Christian School at the time YYH was really on Adult Swim so when I stayed up late and saw it come on I would say "Oh Great, it is Witchy girl sin sin hour" thinking Boton riding her oar made her a witch and it was supporting witchcraft. I gave it a chance on Toonami and loved it, and it took until I was a highschool senior to find and watch the entire dubbed series.
>>
>>2650503
>Same as when I was "against" getting a yak tattoo. Read the spoiler in that post.
I didn't realize you were that guy.

>don't bother to "try even harder to not be an asshole"
I was actually trying NOT to be a complete douchebag because I don't wanna be responsible for driving people away from Haiku's quest with either my comments or my votes. I want everyone to have fun.

>I'm not like that guy earlier passive agressively guilting the QM by saying he isn't going to post outside of votes.
See? That's the guy I was trying hard to have civil discourse with yesterday. So yeah I've actually been trying to restrain myself from stomping all over the anti-weeb vote. So I apologize for the confusion.

>>2650507
>Honestly I don't mind the weeb aesthetic, and I have been ragging on it a little hard and could back off.
Man, honestly, the reason I came out swinging was because of whats-his-face yesterday. If we're joking around then cool. I just got irritated because I thought it was the same "hey let's shit all over an entire portion of the quest setting because America" bullshit that I just find illogical because of the options we keep getting.

>>2650521
LMFAO

>>2650541
>OP, write faster, these bored anons are getting out of hand.
What else is new?

>>2650569
Jesus Christ, is this the subplot that goes in the "eyecatcher" sequences before and after the episodes' commercial breaks or the Lucky Star-esque post-episode "fan show"?
>>
>>2650574
A solid choice.

>>2650571
Let me introduce you to the wonders of pinfire pistols.

He can have a bandolier of them and fire and drop them. Have each one carry a magically charged shot, or he can use it as a focus to overload as a grenade.

> You make my Dad a Yak, I make your Ferret a Cowboy based on a character in a game made in Japan
>>
>>2650581
> I didn't realize you were that guy.

Nigga you are so far behind the times. We're past all that now.
>>
>>2650579
Then you can be the unnecessarily young looking professor power-bottom-domming the genius student who throws all of your pre-conceived notions and half of your research out the window. Smiling smugly as you make him cum and beg you to stop, but eventually he lovingly progresses your work while you ride him into oblivion and slowly you both lead each other down a new path of exploration towards your scientific goals resulting in.. I dunno.. figuring out that butt-sex creates free-energy that can be harnessed by hooking fundoshi up to a dynamo while playing a video of your relationship development?

My only question is now, how many of my professors did I shitpost against in college... Got a couple professors that I totally would have demolished, pretty much all of them female though. Sad that most male profs let themselves go, only one I had that didnt was also my middle/highschool science teacher and that just makes it weird. Like wanting to bang your dude friends. Just results in an instinctive "NO" and stops all thoughts there.
>>
>>2650574
I can see True Survivor as a Family/Magical Girl Training Montage Theme.
>>
>>2650554
>my friends parents owned a Rogers Video
>Slayers series
Was I just arguing with a fellow Canadian weeb on top of everything else?

>>2650587
>Nigga you are so far behind the times. We're past all that now.
Nigga, I type slow. Sue me. We cool?
>>
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>>2650585
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bCc4SWFETM0

Just as good as .22LR "Skull rattler" bullets
>>
>>2650593
> Was I just arguing with a fellow Canadian weeb on top of everything else?

Fuck yeah bud, just about to go out for a rip, puck up some darts and a 2/6
>>
>>2650598
Fuckin nice
>>
>>2650595
Absolutely perfect. Get him a vest lined with those.
>>
>>2650605
You can just buy them online.
>>
>>2650588
You're really putting a lot of thought into this subplot.
>>
>>2650588
There's always that one cool highschool science teacher whose class is 50% blowing shit up.
>>
>>2650608

>anons latching on to random ideas and taking them to thier logical conclusion

you must be new here
>>
>>2650608
He's typing one handed.
>>
>>2650611
Welcome to 4chan, where the quest to save our daughter turned into Yakuza Quest while an anon makes porn from shitposting.

No one is surprised.
>>
>>2650593
>Sue me
Go to sleep Sue
>>
>>2650547
"Sounds like you need to get a little pumped up," you tell the ferret. Little guy might not realize what you mean.

"I mean you need a training montage," you tell him, a smile on your face.

He smiles back, with his sharp little rodent teeth.

"Let's do it, bro!" he says, "and I think we're done here."


...one look at Mary's face would have told you that.

You've got to live up to this end of things, you think, and then your small intestine feels like it's been ripped away.

"Pretty sure you don't believe a 'heaven' will save us," you tell the ferret, as you fall into your garage.

"Would you really," he asks you, "trust a larger supernatural power to save you? Given what you've seen?"

Well, that's a decent argument.

"Rising up," he tells you, "back on the street - "
"Fine," you say, "want me to be your spotter, bro?"

"Yeah," the little ferret sweating on the miniature weights bench tells you, "let's do this. Rising up to the challenge of our rival."

You really do not want to talk about the various ferret-sized Rocky scenes you saw during that episode.

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight.

The eye of the tiger.

>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>There's someone you should talk to before that [WRITE IN, and WRITE IN QUESTIONS]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2650609
No, pretty sure he was one of the epitomes of a Christian Man, never cheated on his wife, adopted a couple kids. Was all about disciplining yourself, practiced martial arts and worked out. After all the high school girls and college girls asking him "Is there 'anything' I can do to improve my grades" his response was always "Yeah, study harder." Guy refused to pass people if they didn't actually know what was going on because he was a Doctor and knew that it would be peoples lives on his head if he let them pass for a blowjob when they didn't deserve to pass.

"Dr. let me pass please, I will do 'anything'."
"Will you study harder for the next test?"
"Umm.. er..."
"That's what I thought..."

Pretty much heard that exact line of dialogue come out of his office while I was waiting to get my exam results early from him for my Human Anat and Phys results from him. Pretty cute girl walked out too, so the man had some fortitude. My sexually starved dick would have probably done it if I didn't think of how many people she might have killed as a nurse.

All I can say is either he has some discipline or his wife is a saint for keeping him happy.
>>
Seriously though, how happy is the sword right now?
After years of being the sword of our jobber brother in-law, now it gets to finally be in the hands of a proper "Lord" once again?
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
IT'S TIME TO GRILL!
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>>
>>2650618
>All I can say is either he has some discipline or his wife is a saint for keeping him happy.

If he was turning down pussy left and right I can assure you, what she was doing was far from Saintly.

Not that it's a bad thing mind you, a happy sex life makes for a happy marriage after all.
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
Time for food, speeches, and plotting.
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
HO BOY, TIME FOR THE SHITSHOW!
>>
>>2650617
I can't think of anyone else we should be talking to...PLOTWARD HO!
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
It's time to oil up!
>>
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>>2650639
>>
let us bbq some good smoked salmon
>>
Hey what do you guys think about matching leather jackets for the gang?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
>>
>>2650640
Yeah boy
>>
I wonder if we'll get a episode for a Day in the Life of Melon.
>>
>>2650650
>OH MY GOD IT'S MORNING!
>OH MY GOD SHELBY MADE BREAKFAST!
>OH MY GOD THE BUS IS LATE!
>OH MY GOD SCHOOL IS BORING!
>OH MY GOD I'D LOVE A SLEEP OVER MARY!
OH MY GOD IS THAT MY DAD?
>OH MY GOD MARY ACTUALLY KNEELED!
>OH MY GOD! THAT'S MY DAD :D!
>OH MY GOD SUE! THAT'S MY DAD!
>>
>>2650654
>Melon must T-Pose to assert dominance over Sue and her dad-hoarding ways.
>>
>>2650655
If we don't make it this loop Harriet will make sure that all the girls get adopted by us ASAP in the next loop.
>>
>>2650617
>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>>
>>2650648
I was thinking something more Utena like.
>>
>>2650657
>New game plus
For some reason we have 5 wives and all of our first born daughterus are or became megucas
>>
>>2650654
Hi my name is Marion. Last week my Dad found out I'm a magical girl then it all come crashing down. My mom is a kitsune and I'm a half demon. I have my friends who is also magical girls but Mary scares me sometimes. But when I see Dad that he wants me to become a normal girl I was...happy? Sad? I mean I want to save people Dad should understand that. But Dad doesn't want me to become like them and I agree too but then more and more supernatural happened unto us. Dad obtained a ghost sword (which I was almost humped by sue) And now his boss is a fearsome dragon. Now he forged an alliance where he will gather the greatest magus, assassin's, contractors and US. To fight for our destiny. Well good luck to us.

P.S. Shelby is cute but please don't tell my Dad<3
>>
>>2650678
Achievement Unlocked: Found Melon's Diary
>>
>>2650672
We ARE the Magical Girl, but we transform into our wife!

Like, a Ladyhawk kind of deal but with magical . . . Okay so pretty much exactly Ladyhawk.

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0BTs66JAgM
>>
>>2650680
Day ???
To be honest I lost count how many days I have been dodging fate every seconds but from every loop I go it always gets worse and worse it seems like it's always set in stone. Like I don't have a way of doing it. I tried different scenarios and everything but it's always the same. Not until I met Marion's Dad. He is normal in every way. He only caught out accidentally in this mess yet he wants to....help us. I don't know what can a single human can do. But more days pass by he also accumulate stronger allies more than I have done in 30 cycles.

If ever I fail this cycle I know what I will do. To the future me who will find this notebook. Go and meet Marion then meet his Dad. Then break the cycle together.

P.S. I wish I have the same Dad as Marion too maybe....[redacted]
[Unintelligible]
-scraps of Harriet notebook
>>
>>2650689
Next loop, our wife winds up giving up her secret first, then she and Melon do their own magical girl thing without all the shady rat bullshit. Op success.

Actually, Harriet, I just had an idea.
>>
>>2650691
>inb4 all it took to avert the crisis was common sense and experience in dealing with contracts.
>>
I think Haiku is out for the night guys.
>>
>>2650701
RIP Haiku
>>
>>2650703
June 15, 2018
Never forget
>>
>>2650704
In the eeeeeeeeyes oooof the angels

>FLYYYYY AWAAAAAAY FROM HEEEERE
>>
>>2650701
My dick is out for the night.
>>
>>2650617
>"Pretty sure you don't believe a 'heaven' will save us," you tell the ferret, as you fall into your garage.
Not voting or anything. This actually brings up a good point. What the fuck is the church doing if there are massive amounts of demons everyone snatching souls like they're candy on halloween? Did they mostly get taken over by demons at some point or something and the Vatican is their last uncorrupted spot?
>>
>>2650723
They're busy with Vampires over in Europe, obbvy. Nazi Vampires.

Not to mention the Fae.

And as for American churches

> Are they taken over by Demons?

Signs point to YES. Or they're just in it for the community.

Except for Mormons. Turns out their God is real, he's just an autistic power source controlled by the Church and is more of a philosophical zombie more than a sapient individuality as we know it.


Or not. But it's fun to toss that shit out.
>>
>>2650701
I feel like he's watching over us from the warm and soft embrace of an alcoholic coma, smiling up at his screen as the last glass of rotgut spills from his limp hand
>>
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>>2650701
Yeah. Seems like I collapsed after my last story post.

Hopefully I'll be back questing within the hour.
>>
>>2650754
>They're busy with Vampires over in Europe, obbvy. Nazi Vampires.
Don't forget South America

>>2650758
Well that got dark fast.

>>2650888
In fairness, it was a pretty good place to stop for the night.
>>
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>>2650617
You've seen some things, but there's just nothing like 'spotting' for a magic ferret as he lifts weights.

The little guy is insane. Anything that weight should have crushed him.

He's soon lifting YOUR weights. A fucking ferret benching 300lbs?

Jesus. They'd better hope he doesn't enter into Mr. Olympia, at this rate.

"Alright, bro," he says, sweat beading off his furry forehead, "your set."

"How the hell are your going to spot me?" you ask him, eyeing those little limbs of his.

"I've got my ways," he tells you, "now get on the bench, bro. I never figured you for a wuss."


Of course, you're not. And you trust your sworn brother, right?

"9," he counts, "one more, you can do it! Gimme that ten!" he finishes, as you lock out at the end of your session.

"Christ, bro," you tell him, leaning against the wall of your garage after the punishing workout, "I've still got to deal with my wife."

"Lucky you," he says, lighting up a cigarette, "try finding an eligible female ferret."

"I'll see about that," you tell him, "sometime. Right now, we've got a barbeque to prepare for."


Luckily, your day at the office is awfully uneventful, even with your 'special' accounts. Seems like the firm has 'dropped' a number of accounts in that field, often very soon after they tried expensing virgins, the Shroud of Turin, '25kg of ground shaolin monks', 'dragon's blood', or other things like that.

You can't exactly say you're sorry.


Eventually, you're choosing steaks and sausage at the grocery store, and then head home.

You'd planned for this party, after all.

>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first
>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>Mary's squad walks up to your door
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651035
>>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>
>>2651035
>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first
We could use more than one rushed meeting with the guy, imo.
>>
>>2651035
>benching 300lbs
wait, we fucking bench 300lb!?!
holy shit. i thought the images weren't references of our looks.

>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>
>>2651035
>>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>
>>2651035
>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first

Kinda wondering if we should have had the foxy wife reach out to the other wives as well.
>>
>>2651035
Don't forget salmon. You can smoke it after the bbq.

>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first
>>
>>2651035
>WRITE IN

The female demon we defeated at the mall shows up, looking for the one that forced her into submission.
>>
>>2651035
>>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>
>>2651040
10:20 - 10:30 Voting period.

Somebody make sure T.T. and Edwards aren't tied, won't ya?

>>2651045
These things happen.

>>2651047
>Kinda wondering if we should have had the foxy wife reach out to the other wives as well.
>Implying she hasn't already
>>
>>2650617
"Let's do it, bro!" he says, "and I think we're done here."

>...one look at Mary's face would have told you that.

What was the look?
>>
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>>2651073
that's the look of unquenched thirst.
>>
>>2651062
Wanna bet some fucking Devil shows up out of nowhere because it thought this all looks so interesting?

The situation actually fulfills some esoteric part of a contract it has with T.T that he agreed to while drunk out of his mind
>>
>>2651071
>Somebody make sure T.T. and Edwards aren't tied, won't ya?

No
>WRITE IN
T.T and Kelly Edwards show up at the same time
>>
>>2651089
Seconding!
>>
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>>2651035
You walk in the door, kiss your wife, and notice your daughter is absent. She should have been home from school hours ago.

"Honey?" you ask, "where's Melon?"

"Oh," your wife tells you with a wink, "she wanted to be part of Mary's 'grand entrance'."

Well, that's not ominous at all.

Then there's a ring at your doorbell. A look out your peephole shows T.T., a rather attractive woman, and a couple of teenage girls.

You open the door.

"Good evening," you tell him, "glad to see you here."

"Likewise," he tells you, then glances at the scene of your wife enthusiastically smothering his in an embrace, "I'm pretty sure they've known each other longer than we have."

"Probably," you tell him, "would you like a drink, or just a seat?"

[1/2]
>>
>>2651035
>"try finding an eligible female ferret."
Every time we knock something off the to-do list we replace it with something else. I wonder if we can wingman our bro down at Edward's bar?

>>2651089
Thirding because I'm a dick.
>>
>>2651097
I'm sure Freebs can take care of his own love life. Seriously, we don't need to micromanage every detail of the setting
>>
>>2651095
Before he can answer, a silver Mercedes drifts into your driveway.

That's, well, beautiful driving, if a little hair-raising. So that's Kelly's ride, huh?

Then a beautiful woman steps out of the driver's seat. White hair flows in the wind, and her red eyes shimmer behind that gauzy curtain.

"Evenin'!" she says - definitely the woman you'd talked to a couple days ago.

A veritable army erupts from the car's various doors. Kelly himself. Shelby (wait, did he climb out of the trunk?). A smaller girl with red eyes and white hair.

And some shadows. You can almost see a taller, white haired man standing behind Shelby, and a few other shapes.

It's like the images your sword brought out to fight Sue.

And suddenly, they dissipate into the afternoon sun.

"You weren't joking, were you?" T.T. says to you with a wry grin, and then whispers "this is going to get complicated - everything involving teenagers does."


>Greet the Edwards'
>Tell T.T. that you're not letting anyone play 'spin the bottle' in your house
>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651097
Wasn’t Freebles made using a human soul? Do the Ferrets even reproduce amongst themselves? Do they have genders, or just ferrets that identify as one gender or another based on their past lives? Are the ferrets actually attracted to other ferrets, or do they still prefer humans of the opposite gender, due to their prior lives? Thing to try and avoid thinking about.
>>
>>2651118
>Tell T.T. that you're not letting anyone play 'spin the bottle' in your house
>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>>
>>2651118
>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651095
>"she wanted to be part of Mary's 'grand entrance'."

If Mary goes for an overly grand queen style or yakuza style entrance, I say we douse her lightly with the hose and point with dad style "This is a BBQ not a Grand Ball.

>>2651118
>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651126
11:00 - 11:10 Voting Period.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBoRkg5-Ieg

EAT SLEEP QUEST REPEAT
>>
oh god this is just like my movie script. Except with more mahou shoujos, thus better.
>>
>>2651118
>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651118
>>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651118
>>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651118
>>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651118
"Complicated? Not at all. Just a simple barbeque"
>Greet the Edwards'
>>
>>2651118
>Complicated? No complicated is the thoughts going through your head when you get home to a destroyed house and finding your daughters head in your wife's business before realizing it's a triangle choke. This? This is just a friendly barbeque.
>>
>>2651118
"Oh," you tell the wizard, "you haven't seen complicated yet."

Mary and her crew haven't shown up yet, after all. And your wife did say 'grand entrance', which has you a little worried.

T.T. shoots you a puzzled look, but by then you're striding toward the Edwards'.

"A pleasure to have you here tonight," you the woman, "Mrs. Edwards?"

"Oh," she tells you, smiling with a look you're pretty sure could melt steel, "just call me Iris!"

Kelly Edwards sidles up and takes her arm - before you even notice.

So is that how he got his reputation for assassination?

"This is my wife, Iris," he tells you, with a look in his eyes that seems to say 'and if you touch her, I will kill you, and it will be as messy as I can make it', "I believe you've spoken on the phone?"

"I think we have," you say, a little taken aback. She's, well, rather more ...refined than you'd assumed from the voice over the phone, "welcome to my house. The barbeque's in the back."

"If someone's taken out a contract on anyone here," you whisper to Kelly as he passes you, "we are keeping this on the street."

He grins at you.

"If someone had," he whispers back, turning a little as he passes you, "do you think I'd be here?"

He just might, if he thought this would be a good venue to take out a target, you think.

...and then the grin vanishes from his face, and he stares past you, his jaw going slack.

You follow his gaze, and see Mary's crew rolling up. In suits.

Oh god, the ferret was bad enough already.

"I hope we're not late," the pink-haired girl tells you, "has the party started yet?"

>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>Mr. Edwards - you'd better not have a contract on ANYONE here
>I think you're seeing 'complicated' now, T.T.
>Ok, what are those shadows behind you, Kelly?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651192
>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>
>>2651192
>>I think you're seeing 'complicated' now, T.T.
>>
>>2651192
>>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>
>>2651192
>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>
>>2651198
11:26 - 11:36 Voting period.

>>2651138
>oh god this is just like my movie script.
To be fair, a father finding out his daughter is addicted to something, and engaged in unsavory business to keep getting her fix, then responding to it by beating her dealer into submission and becoming a player in the criminal world to secure his daughter's supply would be a really decent crime drama.
>>
>>2651192
>>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>
>>2651192
>>I think you're seeing 'complicated' now, T.T.
>>
>>2651192
WRITE IN
Right on time, little sister, head right in
Whispering; ok, T.T we're approaching complicated now.
>>
>>2651192
>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>
>>2651210
It would. And I'd hate it because he's using his daughter's problem as an excuse to seize power and climb the underworld instead of putting her in detox. That ain't moral, you know?
>>
>>2651260
to be fair, we can't just simply detox our daughter.
>>
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>>2651192
"No," you tell her, "we're all just headed to the backyard."

"Right, guys?" you ask the two other fathers standing on your driveway.

"Jesus Christ," T.T. tells you softly, standing his ground next to your door, "this is what you meant by 'complicated'."

Edwards has to use one hand to prop up his dropped jaw. The other one is still threaded through his wife's arm.

"I'm not sure you've met my wife yet," you tell Iris, "I think you two might have a lot in common."

She gives a quick look at her husband, which gets a quick nod, then dashes inside.

"You're right on time, little sister," you tell Mary as she draws up her squad on your driveway, "if nobody has any objections, let's go out back."

"And by objections," you continue, raking your gaze over the people standing in front of your house, "I mean that there's going to be NO magical driveby murders back there. No honor killings. And definitely no assassinations. Are we all clear? Does anybody have business they need to settle out front before you're all officially my guests?"

There's a chorus of shaking heads and muttered 'no's, and then they file inside.

"I just wanted you to get me safe passage," T.T. whispers as he passes you, "and you took over Pink's operation? In a day?"

"I just want what's best for my daughter," you tell him, "just like you. Now let's get into the party."

You join the crowd inside your house, and see the three mothers already deep in... very animated conversation. Everyone else is milling around, and there's a little tension between the different magical girls.

>Listen in on your wife and the other moms
>Talk to Edwards' daughter
>Talk to one of T.T.'s girls
>Grab your meat and head to the grill
>WRITE IN

[Current theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3aKe8n6NLo]
>>
>>2651270
>Grab your meat and head to the grill
We the grill master.
>>
>>2651270
>Listen in on your wife and the other moms
>>
>>2651270
>>Talk to Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2651270
>>Talk to one of T.T.'s girls
>>
>>2651270
>Round up the men and head to the grill
We can get information from the wife later
>>
>>2651270
>Grab your meat and head to the grill

I would absolutely love to see how our wife got involved with us back in the day from her PoV. Because shit like this is exactly why she married us. We see something we don't like and we change it no matter how impossible it seems. We don't even question if it's possible, we just make it happen.
>>
>>2651270
>>Grab your meat and head to the grill
>give a beer to all the dads.
>>
>>2651270
>Round up the men and head to the grill
Sounds like a good option to start things off. Maybe grab pink as well and or Shelby
>>
>>2651270
>Grab your meat and head to the grill with the dads
The classic "bunch of dads around a grill talking about how they cook their meat"
>>
>>2651270
I'm confused, why aren't T.T and Edward confused that we called mary "sister"? That would send some red flags to them, wouldn't it?
>>
>>2651270
>>Grab your meat and head to the grill
>>
>>2651300
I think they're in shock.
>>
>>2651270
>>Grab your meat and head to the grill

>>2651283
>>Round up the men and head to the grill

>>2651289
>>give a beer to all the dads.

>>2651292
>>The classic "bunch of dads around a grill talking about how they cook their meat"
>>
>>2651273
12:05 - 12:15 Voting period.

>>2651300
>That would send some red flags to them, wouldn't it?
>"I just wanted you to get me safe passage," T.T. whispers as he passes you, "and you took over Pink's operation? In a day?"

T.T. knows.

Edwards probably knows - but he's officially 'neutral as fuck'. He might be after you today, but you might be paying him to off someone tomorrow.
>>
>>2651270
You grab the meat off the counter, and your wife leans in to peck you on the cheek.

"We'll make sure nobody gets in too much trouble in here," she whispers in your ear, "I can shut down any of them, if they start something."

That's, uh, not exactly why you married her, but it would have been a damn good reason, you realize, as her teeth graze your earlobe.

"Dear," T.T.'s wife (Alice?) calls out, "did you remember the beer?"

"Yes, honey," he tells her, "it'll be out back."

"Alright," you say, looking around, "men - to the grill!"


It's an ancient ritual, probably going back to the cavemen - men bonding around a fire.

T.T. and both the Edwards guys follow you outside. Shelby runs to grab the electric starter for you, and Kelly lights up.

The red-suited wizard gets an odd look on his face, tells you "I'll be back in a minute," and teleports out.

"So," the assassin says, taking a drag of his cigarette, "you're the new boss around here, huh?"

"Something like that," you tell him, getting the charcoal ready, "I'm just in this for my family - want to get my daughter out of this mess."

"And starting your own criminal empire was the best way to do it?" he asks you through narrowed eyes, "can't say I ever thought of that. Wanted my kids to stay out of this mess, but hell," he tells you, blowing out a cloud of smoke, "they just find their own ways to get in."


Suddenly, T.T. walks through a portal in front of you, several boxes of beer under one arm, a few bottles of wine gripped in one hand, and...

Is that a keg on his shoulder?

"Glad Alice reminded me," he tells you, by way of explanation, "I forgot the stuff back at my place."

You wonder whether the supernatural world is the real reason Prohibition failed, for just a second, as Kelly Edwards grabs a beer from T.T. and rips the cap off with his teeth.

"I never thought you'd be going on a beer run for me," he tells the wizard, as he takes a drink, "'specially after that time in Japan."

The magus grimaces, and looks like he's about to say something, but Shelby comes back just then, and T.T. stops himself.

As you stick the starter into the charcoal, Kelly hands a beer to his kid. "You serve this stuff, hey?" he asks, "nothing wrong with you having a bit yourself, then."

>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>"That time in Japan"?
>Just chitchat around the grill [WRITE-INs APPRECIATED]
>You brought a KEG to this thing?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651356
>>Just keep my girls away from the booze, I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.
>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>
>>2651361
12:50 - 13:00 Voting period.
>>
>>2651356
supporting >>2651361
>>
>>2651356
>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today

Because I sure don't. I'm in over my head and completely in the dark about all kinds of crap that I probably have no idea about, so I was hoping you guys could enlighten me. Like, what's a Natural? How did the rats get here? If there are demons, are there angels? And has anyone in the history of the world ever managed to get a magical girl out of her contract?
>>
>>2651356
>invite Mary over
>so I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
Time to expand the family.
>>
>>2651356
>(looks at the keg) "Good call T.T."
>"I can't take all the credit. That katana my brother in law had on him that night me and T.T. went out drinking has a Warring Period era spirit residing in it, and it's advice has been oddly helpful for this situation."
>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>
>>2651356
>>Just keep my girls away from the booze, I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.
>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>
>>2651356
>Just keep my girls away from the booze, I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.
>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>
>>2651356
Seconding >>2651361

>>2651370
None of that stuff matters. We need to let them know what we're planning and why it's necessary to work together. Whatever beefs they had don't matter. If they want to stay neutral they can fuck off because the reason we got all these people together is for our girls. If they have a problem with that they don't deserve to be called Dad.

None of this is for us. It's for all of them.
>>
>>2651356
>(looks at the keg) "Good call T.T."
>"I can't take all the credit. That katana my brother in law had on him that night me and T.T. went out drinking has a Warring Period era spirit residing in it, and it's advice has been oddly helpful for this situation."
>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>
>>2651356
>>You brought a KEG to this thing?
I'm kinda impressed.

>>2651374
>"I can't take all the credit. That katana my brother in law had on him that night me and T.T. went out drinking has a Warring Period era spirit residing in it, and it's advice has been oddly helpful for this situation."

>>"That time in Japan"?
I'm morbidly curious, but at the same time I'd kinda like us all to have clean slates with each other here considering:
>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today

>>2651372
>invite Mary over
This might be a good idea but I'm not entirely sure it's time yet. We might need to lay some initial groundwork first. I mean, the other dads already have a pretty good idea what we're after, but I think we need to make it clear to them.

>>2651384
>None of that stuff matters. We need to let them know what we're planning and why it's necessary to work together. Whatever beefs they had don't matter. If they want to stay neutral they can fuck off because the reason we got all these people together is for our girls. If they have a problem with that they don't deserve to be called Dad.

None of this is for us. It's for all of them.

This guy gets it. It's one of the reasons why we went to bat T.T. at Mary's place. We gotta make it clear that we're all friends and family going into this together. Not just some alliance of convenience. It's cards on the table time, we HAVE to be able to trust one another with our lives. We've got daughters to liberate and a world to save, damn it.
>>
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>>2651356
"HE BRINGS YOU TRIBUTE, AN OFFERING TO SECURE YOUR FRIENDSHIP!" the sword screams into your mind, "ALCOHOL! THE BEST TRIBUTE!"

That's, uh, one way of looking at it. He's definitely the good guy here, your college instincts tell you, bringing enough alcohol for the whole party.

Probably more than enough.

"Good call, T.T.," Freebles says, jumping out of your pocket, "looks like enough to have one hell of a party!"

That's probably the last thing you need. Magical girls and wizards are bad enough. DRUNK magical girls and wizards...


And the other two fathers are staring at the tattoo'd ferret in shock.

"Your kids can do whatever you let them," you tell them, before they recover, "but I want my girls to stay away from it. I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow."

"I hope you know why we're all here today," you finish, staring them down.

"Obviously," T.T. says, and you're sure he's been pregaming, "we're here to party! And, man," he continues, "this is gonna get wild! No hard feelings about Japan, right?" he finishes, putting an arm around Kelly's shoulder. Somehow, the wizard has a wineglass in his hand.

"None at all," the assassin says, taking another swallow of beer, "that was a hell of a bad job. You know, I put that client on ice afterwards," he tells the wizard with a smile.

This thing is taking a turn you really hadn't anticipated. You were ready to stop a fight - but stop a party? A party you started?

"Really?" T.T. asks him, "you dog! But yeah, that whole thing was seven kinds of screwed," he finishes, then fixes you with an oddly sober look.

"Obviously you didn't call us over for a normal party," the wizard tells you, "we've all got daughters in debt to the rats. And why the hell does that one have yakuza tats?" he asks, gesturing at Freebles.

"I'm his sworn brother!" the ferret pipes up, "and this is the symbol of my loyalty!"

At that, Kelly Edwards bursts out laughing, and Shelby has a look on his face as if he's wondering whether he'll have to get tattoos or dye his hair white or something.


"You fucking turned one of them?" T.T. asks you, "you're something else, man. But that doesn't help my girl."

>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>I hear alliances are usually temporary, against some huge threat - and I'd say the threat to our daughters is pretty big
>Fuck it, let's party
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651455
>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.
>>
>>2651455
>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.

>>2651461
Good one
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract, though ultimately that's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one. This isn't an alliance of convenience, this isn't making some criminal empire, this putting a stop to this bullshit permanently so that no one else has to see there kids caught up in this shit like us.
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>
>>2651461
Haha, this works for me.
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.
>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>Speaking of solutions, need any backup with the first shakedown, Bro? Extra muscle, or iron in your back pocket?
>>
>>2651455
Supporting >>2651475
>>
>>2651455
>>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>
>>2651455
>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.
>>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>
>>2651455
backing this >>2651475
>>
Holy shit, haikus back! Some day you have to finish Lauras misadventures, but this shit is hilarious! good to have you back.
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>You told me your daughter in magical debt. My day job as Kelly knows is an accountant. Our short term goal is to figure out how to balance the girls budgets so the situation doesn't get worse.
>>
>>2651455
>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>
>>2651455
Backing up this nigga 'cause he know what's up >>2651475
>>
>>2651518
Yes, we're no longer in a Godless universe, and we can postpone the memorial ( >>2650703 ) for another day.
>>
>>2651534
>>2651518
It's truly a glorious day to be had.
>>
>>2651455
"Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract," you tell him.

"A hostile takeover," the ferret says, turning his back to show off his tattoos. And with the bulk he's put on overnight, they look pretty impressive.

Wait, overnight? Is he on magic steroids or something?

"Befitting a legitimate business enterprise," he finishes proudly, his smile showing off two rows of sharp little teeth.

"You could say," you tell the wizard, "you're daughter's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse."

He gives you a blank stare, as Kelly Edwards' laughs change to a noise like he's trying to expel his entire lungs through his throat. Shelby's there all too quickly with a rag to sop up the blood spewing from his father's mouth.

As if he's used to dealing with this sort of thing.


"But that's only temporary," you tell the wizard, "we're going to need your help on a permanent solution. Yer a wizard, T.T."

"So that's it," he says, smiling, "that's why you brought me here tonight. Different magical girls, different rats, different genetics. You're hoping I can examine them and find some common thread to break their contracts?"

"If that's what it takes to put a stop to this bullshit forever," you tell him, staring dead into his kindling eyes, "so nobody else has to see this happen to their kids."

"I'm," Kelly says, blood still dripping from his mouth, "upgrading you from 'my accountant' to 'a pretty swell guy'. Damn glad I came over tonight."

"Alright," T.T. tells you, "you want me to start examining the girls now, or a bit later - after they're sloshed? The second one's going to be a lot easier."

>Do it now.
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO]
>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651537
>>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>>
>>2651537
>Examine them how exactly?
>>
>>2651537
Jeez, we need to get Kelly some replacement lungs or some shit, before he coughs one up.
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [Kelly's Daughter maybe?]
>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?
>>
>2651537
>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>Do it now.

Want to get the samples taken before the other rat(s) show up.
>>
>>2651537
>>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO] the girls
>>
>>2651537
>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>Do it now.
>>
>>2651537
>Examine them how exactly?
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [THE GRILL]
>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>>
>>2651557
Supporting
>>
>>2651537
>>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.

>>2651544
>>Examine them how exactly?

>>2651557
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [THE GRILL]
We should keep one eye on the grill so we don't fuck up. Or we could hand that off to Shelby I guess.
>>
>>2651537
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party the other magical girls
>>
>>2651537
>Examine them how exactly?
>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [T.T. daughters]
>>
So here's what I have for a plan so far:
Step 1: Secure the contracts
Step 2: Ascend from debt
Step 3: Reign in every asset we have
Step 4: UNLEASH THE HORDE
Step 5: Skewer the furred beasts (little bro excluded)
Step 6: Wield a fist of iron
Step 7: Storm Hell
Step 8: Freedom
>>
>>2651580
I'd put Hell as number 2. We need demon juice to fuel our army.
>>
>>2651580
The debts can't be repaid, the plan as I understand it is to prevent a default by keeping up the above minimum amounts needed to keep all the Magical Girls afloat.

This is done by making sure the girls are contracted to rats under our control. This way they can claim the contracts are being upheld and keep giving the girls their fix. The rats' bosses will keep seeing demons being killed and check off the progress none the wiser.

As I understand the rat bosses only check that rats are meeting their quota, not that all the girls they contract are meeting some minimum kill count. The girls' kill count is due to the rats rationing the magic to them, which we can now bypass.
>>
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>>2651587
>>2651594
I'm not sure if I should be happy that I got a response at all or sad that it seems they either missed the reference or it was just that bad.
>>
>>2651537
>>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?
>>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO]
lets go talk to the waify to see how things are going on her end.
>>
>>2651601
Not all of us have forgotten Vorkuta. Too few left it.
>>
>>2651594
Well, the price is increased by them transforming every time to fight a demon. So what we have to do is gather demonic energy without forcing them to transform. It would take a shitton of demons though because apparently the debt is huge. The question is, how do they benefit, I might have missed some stuff. The ferrets gotta be making some kind of net profit off this, but if it costs more energy to transform than killing a demon gives what is the point? Do they only get credited for a portion of it? I assume this is based off Madoka, never watched it just wondered how it worked there.
>>
>>2651626
Well, they said that their main goal is to stave off the heat death of the universe, so they may not be having the girls kill the demons for the magical power so much as they're having them kill them to prevent some other catastrophe from taking place that the demons destroying earth would cause.
>>
>>2651594
>The debts can't be repaid, the plan as I understand it is to prevent a default by keeping up the above minimum amounts needed to keep all the Magical Girls afloat.

The debts can be repaid. The problems the girls have are the following:

>Income is being heavily taxed - Every demon kill is sending a heavy percentage directly to the rats and their boss.
>High service fees for transformation - The girls are being charged for every transformation and power use.
>High Interest rates increasing debt - The rats seem to be freely giving out credit with crazy interest rates.
>Powers only accept one valid form of "currency" and it is rat company script - Rats have set it up so that the girls need one specific type of magical currency to finance their powers. You could have 140 Million yen but would be unable to pay off a 1 Million US dollar debt if the debtor only accepts dollars. You have enough money but it is not in the right form to pay the debt.

>>2651626
The Rats are handing out charge cards and double dipping at multiple points.
>>
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>>2651537
"Please tell me," you say to the half-drunk wizard, "that you're JUST making that sound creepy for laughs. What kind of 'examination' are you talking about, exactly?"

"Why do you think I drink?" he asks you, "magic's not pretty. That contract's binding their souls. And, from what I can tell, it's bound up in their," he pauses, and an odd look flits across his face, "femininity. Somehow."

If he's implying what you think he is, you'd be well within your rights to punch him out right now. This guy's got to be kidding you.

"Are you," Freebles interjects, bristling up a bit, "talking about laying hands on my bro's daughter?"

"No, rat," he says, with an angry look, "I'm talking about touching her soul, which is probably worse, even if your kind does it as a business. I can't exactly describe it to someone who hasn't done it."

He puts his hand to his forehead.

"Getting wasted makes it all easier," he continues, "it's like how someone who hates you when sober will pour out their secrets to you when they're blackout. It's a lot... easier to touch them, their soul, when they're drunk."

"I'm not making this sound any less like sex, am I?" he asks you, with a sheepish look on his face.

"No," you tell him, "not really. But you're making it sound just different enough that you're talking to my face and not my fist. Freebles," you ask your ferret, "is this guy on the level?"

"Yeah," the ferret tells you, "the contract's on their souls, and that's a rather... delicate thing to touch. Takes a lot of training even for us - to not get drawn in or think of it as something personal."

"Seems like you haven't gotten that second part down, human," he tells T.T., probably still mad about the 'rat' comment.

"And he's right about the rest, too," Kelly says, with a voice like death dragged over gravel, "shamans have been getting high for ages to touch souls, and other magic. Why do you think the demons regulated the hell out of everything that can get you there?"


You guess it sort of makes sense, in a twisted way. All of this is starting to sound too much like a half-baked conspiracy theory. And you're glad T.T. at least feels like it's something personal, or seems to have a good idea of how much weight it has.

You wouldn't even be thinking about letting him try it on your daughter if he didn't.

>Stay with the guys at the grill
>Wander back inside
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651626
>>2651638
>>2651639

I feel like we need to talk to Freebs about the Boss Rat. He's been very evasive on the subject so far - is there a magical NDA?
>>
>>2651640
>>Better get the wife on this, fairly sure she's been fiddling with my soul since we got married.
>>
>>2651639
So what if we construct a massive demon blender and dip each of the girls into the resulting demon-smoothy afterwards. Just create a portal right into the next Hell-Rock-Concert and make a few thousand demons fall into the Demon Blender flip the switch and have the girls chug like fratboys?
>>
>>2651640
>WRITE IN

T.T, if you think we need to do this, we should do it honestly. Ask the girls openly, explain to them what the point of it is. Give them the right to refuse. I want to be better than the rats. No underhanded deals, no going behind people's backs.
>>
>>2651639
>crazy interest rates.
Interest rates from what? I don't remember the girls having to pay anything off besides transformation, and the initial surgical procedure to transform.
>>
>>2651640
>>Wander back inside
>>
>>2651640
>Wander back inside
>Also talk to wife about this and get her take on it.
>>
>>2651649
>>2651655
Actually want to support this too, make sure we come clean with them about it.
>>
>>2651640
this >>2651649
then
>Wander back inside
>Also talk to wife about this and get her take on it.
>>
>>2651640
I support >>2651649

>>2651655 has a point too we should probably also talk to the wife about it.
>>
>>2651640
>Stay at the grill
>We've got one other long term problem we might have to start fixing once we figure the way out of those damn contracts.
The apocalypse or at least magical WWIII is coming according to our resident fortune teller. The accuracy needs work since we don't know how it starts, so we need to look out for anything that might cause it incase she can piece together how to stop it. I think we can agree that we don't need to manage to get free only for everyone to die right afterwards. You guys got any ideas on what might cause that within the next (however many homuhomu said itll take) months?
>>
>>2651640
>Talk to the wife about soul touching
Because that shit just sounds like a powder keg waiting to go off.
>>
>>2651640
>Wander back inside
>Honey, going to need you, Mrs. Edwards and Mrs. T. to hear this. Need to be on the level and such.
>>
>>2651671
Changing vote to >>2651649
but I think we should at least mention the apocalypse thing soon since TT is not going to like being in homuhomu's head and I think he might need to brace himself before he dives in.
>>
>>2651640
"Alright, T.T.," you tell the wizard, finally putting your meat on the grill, "if we're going to do this, we should do it honestly. Ask the girls, and give them the right to refuse."

"Yeah," he says, "I guess I got a bit ahead of myself there - I assumed you knew what you were asking for."

"I'm just doing the best with what I do know," you say, turning toward the house with the meat tray in your hands, "I don't know everything. But I do know I want to better than the rats. Let's be up-front about this."

"Sounds good," the red-suited wizard tells you, "I'll be out here, getting slammed, in case any of them do sign up for it," he finishes, draining his glass of wine.

Wait a second.

"You said you'd examined your daughter like this?" you ask him, turning your head back to face him.

"Yeah," he tells you, "a few times, after I found out what was going on. It's not something awful, just, well - I can't quite describe it to you if you haven't done it."

"And she was the one who asked me to do it," he tells you, with clear eyes, "once she figured out what she'd signed up for with the rats."

That's a little comforting, you think, as you head back inside.

"HE SPEAKS OF RECONNAISSANCE, NOT INVASION," the sword says into your head, "NOT A DIVE LIKE THE BLUE GIRL MADE THROUGH MY SOUL, OR EVEN ONE SUCH AS I MADE INTO YOU. HE BARELY SCRATCHES THE SURFACE - I CAN TELL BY THE WAY HE SPEAKS."

Oh, you remember, the sword did make a 'dive' into you once, when you first drew it. Well, touching souls seems rather unavoidable for it - it's really just a soul on a stick, isn't it?


Then you open the door into the living room.

There are girls EVERYWHERE. On the couches, on the floor, playing videogames, playing monopoly, talking, giggling - holy shit.

Well, at least they're not fighting.

You have to take care to not step on anyone, as you go to put the pan into the sink. Then you see their mothers in the dining room, chatting and laughing.

>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
>Having a good evening, ladies?
>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2651742
>Having a good evening, ladies?
>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
>>
>>2651742
>Having a good evening, ladies?
>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice
>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
In this order But we do the pull aside as us asking her for some help in the kitchen.
>>
>>2651742
>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing

"Honey, have you ever done it to me?"
>>
>>2651742
I support >>2651754
>>
>>2651742
>>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice
>>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
>>
I've got a couple of errands to run, so I'll be back in a bit.
>>
>Meanwhile inside the house the 3 housewives talk about their husband
>Sometimes I worry about my husband because I can't call his name anymore. Can you imagine me sex with him calling T.T oh yes T.T
>My my that's harsh but I also worry about my husband too. One time I was shopping with him and looking for some meat after 10 seconds he come back with a bloody face, messed up hair and a bloody shirt. I have always pack some clothes for him to wear incase something like this it feels like I'm babysitting my husband
>My husband is pretty normal as it gets I thought I would live a normal life but now I think I'm so proud of him....and he also good in bed*blush*
>How good? muses the both of them
>Enough for me to scream the neighbors can hear us that soundproofing didn't work at all.
>*Snikering Sue intensifies*
>I'll be right back girls I have a.... girl to discipline.
>>
>>2651650
T.T. talked about the interest rates when we first met him.
>>
>>2651742
>Having a good evening, ladies?
>What do you know about soul touching?
>>
>>2651035
Remember when I joked about hs using the ferret as armor against his will?

I think he might insist on it now.
>>
>>2651789
>Meanwhile at the Monopoly board: Mary, Harriet, and TT's and Kelly's daughters are nearing the mid-game.
>About half the properties have been bought up so far
>Mary owns a sizeable portion of them thanks to ruthlessly mortgaging damned near everything to buy up whatever empty spot she lands on
>Harriet however has been making slow and steady progress, passing up certain properties for apparently better ones down the line, and people just seem to keep landing there
>it's like she's played this game a LOT or something

>Meanwhile Melon and Karen are playing Mortal Kombat
>Karen is getting a little TOO into the game twitching and leaning violently from side to side as her character flails over the screen
>Melon's playing pretty defensively, being deliberate with her attacks and combos
>"He's my DAD, Sue!"
>Turns out Melon's got ears, if not eyes, in the back of her head
>>
>>2651742
Could we have T.T. do us first before he does anyone else?
>>
>>2651853
>At this point in time, Melon's kitsune ears are now showing.
>>
>>2651882
We could have Sword do it, that way we don't have to worry about revealing anything to T.T. we might not be ready to tell him, we have no idea what is hidden deep down inside us, we very realistically could be some kind of sealed demon-lord or descended from something.
>>
>>2651887
That would be cool as a power upgrade. Having more of her Kitsune side start showing up and become more cunning in ideas and plans.
>>
>>2651882
>Could we have T.T. do us first before he does anyone else?
Good idea, and it wouldn't be right to ask them to do anything we're not willing to endure ourselves.

>>2651893
oh shit son that's pretty good
>>
>>2651893
I think she already show the signs of her kitsune blood
>One time she and Mary argued about her family
>Very possessive about her father
>Presented to cuddle she immediately nestles to us.

At least that is what I see I mean WE NEED MORE MELON SCREENTIME DAMN IT HAIKU THIS IS ABOUT OUR DAUGHTERUS
>>
>>2651940
>TFW Sue sneaked on our bedroom to smell our underwear
>>
>>2651940
>Next thread it'll be us teaching Melon how2drive.
>Gets a crit on the roll to see how good she drives
>Eurobeat intensifies
>>
>>2651960
Obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv13gl0a-FA
>>
>>2651940
> Being all about your kids

> having to work so hard you never see them

That's men's sacrifice bro. Women have no agency, men have no time.
>>
>>2651742
>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice
>>
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>>2651742
You wash your hands and wander into the dining room. Their conversation suddenly drops in tone as you cross the threshold.

It's like you crossed some sort of magic barrier.

Other than that, they don't pay much attention to you, and keep going.

"All I'm saying," Iris says through giggles, her red eyes glinting with merriment, "is I'd back Kelly in a shooting match - any day."

"I'm pretty sure my man's magic stick is more useful than either of their guns," Alice says, rather primly, "it's a bit more versatile, after all."

From what you've seen, she might be right. You certainly can't use your shotgun to open spacetime's ass.

"But have you seen my husband's?" your wife asks, "it could blow somebody's arm clean off. In fact, it probably has."


"Having a good evening, ladies?" you ask, hoping you come off as a genial host, and wanting to stop this before it goes much further.

...You really don't want to fight either Kelly or T.T.

It's a pointless question. They were happily talking up a storm a few seconds ago, and Iris is still giggling. Your wife has a grin on her face.

"Oh," Alice says, politely, "yes - thank you for having us over. Liska was just talking about you," she finishes, with a quick glance at your wife.

You can't quite decipher her look.

It's just a little... guilty?

"It's cooling off outside," you tell them, "and the meat just went on. I'm thinking we could eat out there. Liska," you ask, "could you help me get ready in the kitchen?"

"Sure," she says, getting up.

"Sorry to take her away," you tell the other two women, "but we've got a little bit of prep work to do."

You could swear you heard her whisper "...or blow your head off..." behind you, as you leave.

Must be your ears playing tricks on you. She wouldn't threaten them that openly, right?

You look over your shoulder, hoping you misheard, or at least that neither took offense.

Well, THAT wasn't the reaction you expected. Iris is laughing silently behind her hand, and Alice is sipping tea with red cheeks.

Must be rather hot tea, to get her face that red.


"So, dear," you start, as the two of you walk back to the kitchen, "what do you know about touching people's souls?"

"Touching," she asks back, "or doing a full dive? I can't really do either, but I've seen people do it. I'm pretty sure that's what Sue did to the Thousand Year Blade."

"T.T. is talking about doing it to the girls," you tell her, beginning to wash the platter, "to examine their contracts. I'm not sure what it means, and the way he was talking, it sounded..."

She starts laughing as she grabs plates from the cupboard, "magi never change, do they?" she asks, recovering a little.

"Huh?" you ask her.

"He's probably taking it way too seriously," she tells you, "unless he's going to try a full dive, it's just like putting your hand on someone's shoulder. There are folks out there who do it all the time, without even thinking about it."

[1/2]
>>
>>2652011
"You could say that about a lot of things," you tell her, grabbing a handful of forks.

"No," she says, grabbing a tablecloth, "not like that, silly. I meant that there are beings out there that walk around seeing people's souls instead of people. My grandfather was like that - he'd just look through your eyes straight into your soul, just naturally. He had to make an effort to shut it off and see your face."

Well, this is making it sound a little better, but every description still sounds like a bad double entendre.

>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - and that sounds like a bad idea
>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>Were you threatening those women earlier?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652037
>>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>>
>>2652037
>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
Gotta make sure that it isn't gonna make any waves with the missus.
>>
>>2652037
>>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that? I'm kinda hesitant about letting the girls drink.

>>WRITE-IN:
"Getting along with the other wives?"
>>
>>2652037
>Were you threatening those women earlier?
>>
>>2652054
>>2652037
This
>>
>>2652047
17:04 - 17:14 Voting period.
>>
>>2652037
>Can your folks do it? It's a lot more intimate with himans than you're thinking.
>>
>>2652037
>>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>>
>>2652062
Is it, though? The only thing we have that might state that is T.T., right? I'm more inclined to believe the missus than him.
>>
>>2652037
>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>>
>>2652068
I'm more inclined to believe him than the wife considering she doesn't have a human soul.
>>
>>2652037
>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?

>Also, Woman if you are threatening those women I will punish you. We are not savages, but proper Americans.
>>
>>2652093
you forgot to add:
>Grab her butt.
>>
>>2652037
"Is that a usual thing for your folks?" you ask. It didn't really seem like her brother was reading your soul well the night he lost his sword to you.

"Not really," she says, "it's just something that usually comes with a certain, uh, power level? Once you step close enough to being a god," she tells you, ripping open a package of napkins, "you touch the souls of everyone you walk past, just by walking past them. I think little Mary's almost there," she says, jerking her head at the living room, "based on what we saw Sunday night."

You'd say that you wish she'd told you sooner, but you'd already mentally classified her as a 'goddess', at least in power, if not wisdom.

"If you're not on that level," she tells you, "it takes a lot of training to be able to see a soul, let alone reach out and touch it. I'm not really sure how the wizards do it, but it seems that, like everything else, they treat it far too seriously," she finishes with an impish grin.

And then you remember - you married a free-spirited kitsune. That streak of loving mischief and never taking anything too seriously was what attracted you in the first place.

"You'd better not have been trying to set up a fight earlier," you tell her, grabbing her ass.

She squeaks a little.

"There are things you should take seriously, you know," you say, while she's still shocked, "and I really, really don't want to fight either of their husbands."

"You actually thought," she asks, turning toward you with a grin, "that we were talking about your GUNS? How dense are you?"

...her expression suggests 'core of a neutron star' is the correct answer.

And that opens a whole new interpretation of their statements that you would prefer to not think about right now.

It might make things rather difficult.

"So," you say, your face flushing a little, "T.T. also said it would make things easier if the girls were drunk."

Now THAT's a glint you don't usually see in her eyes.

"I knew I liked Alice," she says, "and now I see why she married him."

"I'm kind of hesitant about letting the girls drink," you say, and she turns away as if she's about to run out into the living room and yell "LET'S GET BLITZED!"

"The laws is," she tosses over her shoulder, "you can drink if your parent/guardian is present and says it's fine, right?"

>Stop her
>Stop her with a kiss
>Don't stop her
>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652213
>>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea
>>WRITE IN
Better here with our supervision and not behind our backs without any regulation. after all, thats what got us in this situation.
>>
>>2652213
>I'm going back to the Grill, if someone breaks you gotta tend to the wound.
>>
>>2652213
>Write in
ALRIGHT GUYS AND GIRLS LETS GET DRUNK
>>
>>2652213
...wait, hold on. Our wife is an immortal fox spirit, right? And we already had the question of why she even bothered to get married given that.
...did she just marry us because we have a huge dong?
>>
>>2652213
>"You know as a father I am obligated to try to prevent our daughter from touching alcohol until she is 21. I don't feel comfortable getting a bunch of teenage girls drunk, but if it will honestly help I will grudgingly allow it, so long as they are supervised and their parents approve. None for the ones under 15-16 though, that is just too young."
>Probably remember all the times we snuck booze when we were a teen.
>>
>>2652213
Stop her with a kiss
There will be time for drunken shenanigans with the kids, just not right after we said not today.
>>
>>2652213
>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea
"Every day with you is a new reason to love you a little bit more."
>>
>>2652213
Supporting >>2652228
>>
>>2652240
Not just a huge dong, but a dong that can blow your arms off ... or your head...
>>
>>2652240
I think that's just a really really nice bonus that goes with the package in her eyes.
>>
>>2652240
you know that women don't care about huge dicks, right?
>>
>>2652228
17:43 - 17:53 Voting period

>>2652240
>...did she just marry us because we have a huge dong?
>"...blow your head off..."
I think there have been hints earlier that inherent dadliness was definitely a factor. Would be an interesting question to ask, especially if she's shitfaced.

>>2652245
>I am obligated to try to prevent our daughter from touching alcohol until she is 21.
Depending on the state ('MURRICA, FUCK YEAH!). Many places, minors are allowed alcohol as long as their parent/guardian approves.

>Probably remember all the times we snuck booze when we were a teen.
I like you.
>>
>>2652271
Keep telling yourself that dicklet.
>>
>>2652213
>A huge amount of drunken teenagers with godlike powers in the same area sounds like a clusterfuck if a demon appears. We need to make sure we have some people designated to take down any threats that show up. Also make a note to mention the alternative way of getting your soul checked out incase anyone feels uncomfortable with that.
>>
This would be a perfect moment to teach them that even if they are drunk, it doesn't excuse them from whatever stupid shit they do and that they are still responsible for their actions(emphasis on mary).
>>
>>2652284
The thing about dicklets is...
At least they get to dick!

Dicklet Dicks Dicklet Diiiiiicks
I am not sorry for the terrible pokemon joke. I regret nothing.
>>
>>2652296
>too busy already making poor decisions in Monopoly
Jokes aside, you've got a point.
>>
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>>2652213
You catch her, and plant a kiss right on those luscious lips.

"Every day with you," you tell her, breaking it off, then nestling your head against her shoulder, so your mouth is right against her ear, "is a new reason to love you a little bit more."

"And it's a lot better that they do it under supervision than behind our backs," you say.

"That's how they got in with the rats, right?" she whispers back, and then those teeth are gently scoring JUST that place on your neck.

...you can see the two women in the dining room looking at the two of you. There's a little bit of envy? yeah, that's definitely envy, in their stares.

"Alright," Liska says, pulling away from your arms, "here we go."

You can almost see the gears turning as Iris puts two and two together. Alice still looks a bit shocked.

"Alright, kids!" your wife says, striding into the living room, "steaks and sausage are on the grill, there's beer, wine, and stronger stuff outside, and I need someone to help me carry the stuff in the kitchen! WHO WANTS TO GET BLITZED?"

Looks like everyone wants to be Poland today, you think, taking a sip of your beer before a tide of teenagers surges into the kitchen.

Well, at least they're helpful.

The stuff you'd pulled out of the cabinets swiftly makes its way outside. The picnic tables are set, the keg gets tapped, and you...

>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>Decide to talk to [WRITE IN]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652361
>>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>
>>2652361
>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>>
>>2652361
>>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>
>>2652368
18:13 - 18:23 Voting period.
>>
>>2652361
>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
"Shelby stop doing lewd things with my Grill!"
>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>
>>2652361
>Decide to talk to [WRITE IN]
Shelbys sister. What magical outfit is she a part of?
>>
>>2652361
>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>
>>2652390
I like this alot
>>
>>2652361
>>2652386 here also supporting >>2652394
>>
>>2652361
>>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>
>>2652390
Is he lewding our daughteru tho?
Also i'd like to know why the fuck he crawled out of their car's trunk.
>>
>>2652420
No he's Lewding our Grill! It's just as bad as Lewding our Girl!
>>
On a entirely different front, we should get around to asking Melon and the scooby doo gang if they found out anything about the squads that the other MGs are a part of.
>>
>>2652426
Oh shit sorry i just got back from a bar dive with the lads and misread. A man's grill is sacred. maybe slap shelby a teeny bit when his dad isnt looking?
>>
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>>2652361
You stalk toward the grill - your domain. Looks like Shelby's installed himself as its ruler while you were inside.

"What sort of lewd things are you doing with my grill, Shelby?" you ask, finally freed from your setup duties.

The magical girls have too, and you see them flock toward the drinks.

...You'd be surprised if they didn't, given the encouragement your wife and Iris gave them. The white-haired woman really got in on the whole 'party hard!' schtick.

"I've just been turning the meat, brother," the young man says, "and using some of your spices. I trust you'll find it acceptable," he finishes, and you're almost surprised that he doesn't bow at the end of his speech.

"HE CALLS YOU BROTHER TO EVADE CRITICISM," the sword yells into your head, "TASTE HIS WORK."

So you do.

You grab a knife, and cut the tip off of a steak. You pop it in your mouth and chew.

It's... good. Almost excellent. The kid has seasoned it to perfection. And flipped it well. He wasn't kidding when he said he could cook.

"You pass," you tell him, and then yell louder, at the crowd in your backyard, "meat's done! Are you ready to feast?"

There's a sea of girls, women, and plates. Judging by some of the expressions, a few of them have been doing shots or something.

You serve them your meat, fresh off the grill.


And once they settle back into the picnic tables, you ask T.T. "ready to give your pitch?"

"Ash I'llh ever be," he tells you, peeling himself off his the wall, and then turning toward the group, "hey! Doesh anyone want to get examined? We might be able to take your contract off - that one you've got with the rats! Makin' no promises," he continues, waltzing over to the tables like a mountebank, "this ish shcientific research, not a miracle cure. We might not find a solution, but we're trying anyway!"

Of course Melon's the first one to raise her hand. Of course.

And you see those flushed cheeks. She's been doing a shot race or something - you know the signs from your misspent youth.

Before you can react, she's down on a picnic table, the other girls pulling their plates away. He puts his hand over her chest.

And then there's a bright golden light enveloping T.T. and your daughter.

It seems like it's burning him, judging by his screams. But he keeps pushing in. And then, suddenly, he's out.

>Bad trip?
>So, learn anything?
>Go on, justify that.
>Melon! You ok?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652527
>>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
Why am I not surprised that our Daughter's nature makes her a unique case even in the affairs of magic?

>You both ok?
>>
>>2652527

>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
>Melon! You ok?
>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
>>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
>Bad trip?
Bring over a handle of something strong for them.
>>
>>2652527
This >>2652544
>>
>>2652527
>>Bad trip?
>>
>>2652527
You run up to catch the falling wizard, almost butting heads with his wife as you catch him.

"Bad trip?" you ask him, while you share the burden of his bodyweight with his wife.

"Jussht," he says, eyes rolling back into his head, "puht me on the grassh. Please, fr the luvvva gawd"

So you lay him down.

And then look down on him with something like sympathy.

"Melon," you say, swaying your head over to the picnic table, "you ok?"

She gives you a mute thumbs up.

Alright.

Seems like he didn't injure her. And that's his saving grace, because you could dust him right now, with no real effort.

"So thasss it," he says, "thass how zey do itttt..."

"You figured it out?" you ask him.

"Neahly," he tells you, blue eyes wide with pinprick pupils, "gonna havvvvvv to duuuh some lab wuk on thish, but I geht iht."

"Ahh gehhhhT iht," he tells you, in a drunken slur, "Shee culd trahnzfohm alreadah, so thay hahd to do it diffrehnt. Jus'," he says, "jus' lemme alone. Lemme take a nahp, yaah?"

He goes from zero to sleep in about ten seconds.

"Is it always like this?" you ask Alice.

"Some of the time," she tells you, as you walk away from the drunk/passed out/sleeping wizard, "sometimes it's worse."

>Worse?
>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)
>Talk to your daughter
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652590
>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)
>>
>>2652590
>>Talk to your daughter
>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)
TALK TO ALL THE DAUGHTERUS!
>>
>>2652590
>Talk to your daughter
We now have confirmation that she has her own magic. Maybe our wife/ferret bro can help us out with figuring out how to use that, since TT is down for the count.
>>
>>2652590
>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>>
>>2652590
>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)
>>
>>2652590
>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)

>>2652594
Rats: 0, Magus: 0
>>
>>2652594
>Write in
Submit the wizard while our wife will count to 3 and Shelby will ring the bell

>And the winner is....Shotgun Shogun XD
>>
>>2652592
19:16 - 19:26 Voting period.
>>
>>2652604
>XD
You have to be at least 18 years old to post here.
>>
>>2652590
>get a (comfy) garden chair and put T.T on it before he ruins his suit
>Talk to your daughter
make sure she's really ok and talk with her and her mom about fox transformation
>>
>>2652612
I thought everyone here is 12 yr old little girls at least I'm not spamming emoji
>>
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>Meanwhile, drunk Karen is having a blast
>>
>>2652628
She is raving with her air guitar while Sue is banging whatever drums she has
>>
>>2652628
>Mary is currently throwing up in the bathroom because she's actually a lightweight when it comes to drinking Alcohol.
>>
>>2652628
>>2652637
Lol
Wait.. is Sue there...WHERE IS SUE!

WHERE. IS. SUE.

I swear to Shotgun if she is doing anything weird we may have to tape her to the wall until she sobers up!
>>
>>2652655
>It turns out that Sue is the most perfectly normal child of the bunch when she's drunk off her ass.
>>
>>2652594
>>2652613
Did you guys forget that we're going on a trip to visit her side of the family? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to talk about this there?
>>
>>2652666
Wait, actually I totally did forget about that, and you're entirely correct.
>>
>"Melon," you say, swaying your head over to the picnic table, "you ok?"
>She gives you a mute thumbs up.
WHO'S UP FOR ROUND TWO?!

On a more serious note: >>2652666
has a point there
>>
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>>2652590
You walk back to the picnic table. Melon's already picked herself up off of it, and is enjoying a steak.

She looks pretty alright. Ok, even.

So you zero in on T.T.'s daughters. You're just about evenly split on who to talk to first, so you pick the one with purple hair.

Seriously, who the fuck has purple hair?

"WHO HAS PINK HAIR?" the sword asks you, its voice coming into your mind, "WHO HAS BLUE HAIR? THEY ARE ALL TOUCHED BY THE GODS."

That's, well, that's one way of looking at it.

You slam yourself down on a bench in the middle of something that seems like a shot race with Karen.

"Arright," the redhead says, pulling out a watch, "ten minutes until the next one. Bet you'll be out before then."

"I doubt it," the purple-haired girl says, a competitive look on her face, "altering your mind is the first step toward magic. You're barely at my tolerance level."

...Yeah, she's T.T.'s daughter.

"So," you ask the girl, jerking your thumb at T.T., "does your dad always pull that kind of stunt?"

"Only if he hits something he can't deal with," she tells you, "that's when he collapses. It's like he hits a wall he can't slam through, no matter how slammed he gets."

"Not sure we've met," she says, extending her hand, "I'm Shirley."

You shake it. Corporate instincts are hard to shake, after all.

"Good to meet you, Shirley," you tell her.

>A wall he can't slam through?
>Are you a magical girl?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652682
>>A wall he can't slam through?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>>
>>2652666
Well Satan I was thinking we were going to talk to her about the party and she if she's gotten along with any of the guests, not the terrible secrets of magic and sheeit.

>>2652682
>A wall he can't slam through?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>No seriously, please take it easy.
>>
>>2652682
>A wall he can't slam through?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>>
>>2652686
19:50 - 17:00 Voting period.

My naming convention is usually first letter of first name - create a good, American name off of that.
>>
>>2652682
>A wall he can't slam through?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>Seriously, take it easy, puking your guts out is never fun.

>>2652696
seems to work pretty well
>>
>>2652682
>"WHO HAS PINK HAIR?" the sword asks you, its voice coming into your mind, "WHO HAS BLUE HAIR? THEY ARE ALL TOUCHED BY THE GODS."
You know, it kinda bothers me that the Soul-on-a-Stick is calling this out. Pot meet Kettle.

>>A wall he can't slam through?
>>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
inb4 frilly-ness sobers them right the fuck up
>>Are you a magical girl?
But more like: "So, I take you're a magical girl too?"

>>2652696
I was just wondering about the naming convention actually. I guess we should keep her away from any large white fish?
>>
>>2652682
>A wall he can't slam through?
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver
>>
>>2652682
>You're going to kill Karen, if you inherited your father's liver

>>2652714
or worms
>>
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>>2652682
"Take it easy," you tell her, "you're going to kill Karen if you managed to inherit your father's liver."

"You don't think I can't do it, do ya?" the redhead yells at you.

"No," you tell Karen, "I don't think you can. That guy on the ground drank an entire handle before he passed out. Don't make this the hill you die on. Or the hill I have to take you to the ER for."

"Fair," she says, "if my boss' older brother is telling me to behck off, I probably should, hey?"

The purple-haired girl - Shirley flicks her gaze across you at 'older brother'.

"I'll accept a concession," she says to Karen, and then turns to you, "how'd you know the liver is the source of our family magic?"

"Good guess," you tell her, "and 'a wall he can't slam through' is a bit of a giveaway."

"Hah," she laughs at you, "you have no idea what I can do with this thing. Getting slammed and walking it off it the tip of the iceberg. My sister just wishes she'd gotten it - that's why she became a magical girl, after all."

"I don't need a demonstration," you tell her, "so you're saying she," you nod at the black-haired girl who's deep in conversation with Sue, "became a magical girl because she didn't get the family liver?"

Karen falls over onto the picnic table's bench and starts snoring. Rather loudly.

"Something like that," Shirley tells you, "I don't exactly know - we're a little distant," she says, with a pained expression

>That's rather unhealthy - you should stick together, as sisters
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>Let's throw down.
>And what else does that liver of your let you do?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652761
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>And what else does that liver of your let you do?
I think she's perfectly aware that it's unhealthy to have a distant relationship with her sister when they probably still live in the same house.
>>
>>2652761
>And what else does that liver of your let you do?
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>WRITE-IN: "So you're a regular mage then like your dad?"

>>2652777
Yeah, the pained expression kinda says it all right there.
>>
>>2652761
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>Let's throw down.
>>
>>2652761
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>And what else does that liver of your let you do?
>>
>>2652761
>Makes sense, sadly
>At least it looks like she found someone to talk to.
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>>
>>2652761
>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>And what else does that liver of yours let you do?
>>
>>2652761
>>So should I talk to her about magical girldom?
>>And what else does that liver of your let you do?
No throw down! Remember the last time we tried to keep drinking pace with a member of her family? We ended up making our brother-in-law deepthroat our shotgun and stole his Katana which is now an angry ghost that lives in our head. If we fall for this I have a feeling T.T. will regain consciousness and our wife and him will goad us on and the night will end with us waking up on a pile of gold we stole from our bosses hoard.
>>
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>>2652761
"And what does that liver of yours let you do?" you ask, wondering if you'll like any of the possible answers.

"Channel magic from outside us," she tells you, "from demons, leylines - you name it. I'm a Natural," she says, leaning against you, as if that should mean something, "just like my dad."

"So you don't have to borrow power from anyone else?" you ask.

"Exactly," she tells you, and the word hangs in the air, as she leans away.

You see your wife out of the corner of your eye. And this girl's passed out father.

"I'm a wizard," Shirley says into your ear, "Harry."

...These people are all nuts. and so are you, for getting dragged into this world.


But it's your daughter's world.

You're going to make it a decent place.

"Sounds like winning the lottery," you say, standing up, "but I'm more interested in squaring up the debts of those who've lost."

And you walk toward her sister, who's deep in conversation with Sue.

>So I hear you're a magical girl.
>So I hear you have a debt problem.
>So does your father pass out like that all the time?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652856
"When I said 'magic heist' this was NOT what I had in mind T.T.!"
>>
>>2652868
>>So I hear you have a debt problem.
>>
>>2652868
Ugh, what is it with teenage girls and not respecting our personal space lately?
>>
>>2652868
>So I hear you're a magical girl.
>So I hear you have a debt problem.
>>
>>2652868
>So your family tells me that you're a magical girl.
>So I hear you have a debt problem.
>>
>>2652868
>>So I hear you're a magical girl.
>>So I hear you have a debt problem.
Possibly prepare the Sue Shield. By which I mean glance over at Melon to make sure she is in the condition to remind Sue that we are in fact Melon's dad.
>>
>>2652877
>>So I hear you're a magical girl.
>>So I hear you have a debt problem.

>>2652882
Or the wife.
>>
>>2652868
>>So I hear you're a magical girl.
>>
>>2652868
>So your family tells me that you're a magical girl.
>So I hear you have a debt problem.
>>
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>>2652868
"...and he blew my arms off with a shotgun!" you hear Sue say, as you roll up to the table, "and that's when I knew I was in..." she trails off weakly, as her eyes dart to you, and then your wife.

You take a seat. Sue's eyes are full of consternation and fear, and they trail off to your wife again.

That might be a better look then some others you've seen on her face lately.

"So," you say to the black-haired girl, "I hear you have a bit of a debt problem."

"You're well-informed," she says, steel behind her eyes, "my dad told you? Or maybe my fucking wizard sister?"

"I have my sources," you tell her, "and they say you're a magical girl."

"It's," she tells you, with a toss of her hair, "a living. And the only magic I'll ever have. I could take her out," she says, with a dark glance at her sister, "before she'd even know."

>Alright, try it. I'll watch. Who wants to make bets?
>You're SISTERS, Jesus!
>I don't think I caught your name
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2652942
>I don't think I caught your name
Keep the attention off the other sister and on her own problems.
>>
>>2652945
21:10 -21:20 Voting period and all that.
>>
>>2652942
>>You're SISTERS, Jesus!
>>
>>2652942
>>I don't think I caught your name
>>
>>2652942
Wow, this chick is hostile.
>WRITE IN
"Are you always so actively sororicidal? Or have you been drinking a bit too much?"
>>
>>2652942
>>I don't think I caught your name
>>
>>2652942
>>You're SISTERS, Jesus!
>>I don't think I caught your name
>I know you don't get along but come on. Being a magical girl doesn't seem like much of a living though, always enslaved and contracted to a rat that just heaps more debt on you and drains you dry of every drop of magic you earn by defeating a demon. What if there was a way to still have power, but free yourself from being beholden to the rats?
>>
>>2652942
>I don't think I caught your name

>>2652954
>WRITE IN: "Are you always so actively sororicidal? Or have you been drinking a bit too much?"
>>
>>2652942
>I don't think I caught your name
>>
>>2652942
>It could. It's also very likely that if you don't meet your demon hunting quota, you'd be literally eating hunks of demonflesh for magic when you're cut off of your manager's supply. Just saying.
>I don't think I caught your name.
>>
>>2652942
>You're SISTERS, Jesus!
>I don't think I caught your name
>She's not the one you should hate, you know?
>>
Uh guys, charging in with the whole bringing up sisters thing right away might make her even more pissed off and not in the negotiable way and will make our job a lot harder than it needs to be.
I could be wrong of course but she seems like the type that uses a light touch.
>>
>>2652942
>>I don't think I caught your name
>>
>>2652942
>I don't think I caught your name
>What kind of magic did you get by becoming a magical girl?
>>
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>>2652942
"I don't think," you tell her, "I caught your name."

As long as Sue's across the table, she'll at least lose an arm if she goes off on you.

As long as your wife's in the backyard, she'll probably be lucky to see tomorrow if she really goes off on you.

But she's T.T.'s daughter - and you kinda like the guy. You can respect that, and you know what you'd do to any guy who fucked with your daughter while you were passed out.

"Rachel," she says, "first five letters like the German word for 'revenge'," she tells you, glaring through steel eyes, "capice?"

"I get it," you say, stabbing a fork into a steak that seems to have magically appeared in front of you, "and, god help me, I really don't want a fight."

You keep eating. It's actually a really good steak.

"Sounds like you sure can finish one, though," she says, jerking her head at Sue, her hair waving in the wind.

There's on odd mixture of emotions on the blue-haired girl's face, which you don't dare trying to decipher.

"You're in a bad fix," you continue stolidly, "you're in debt to the rats, and I don't like loan sharks. Being a magical girl doesn't sound like much of a living - giving most of your earnings to a rodent to keep the franchise?" you say, and cut another piece off the steak, "sounds like bad business. And if you don't hit your quota," you say, lifting the bite toward your mouth, "you're going to be eating demonflesh for breakfast, trying to catch up with what the rats have been giving you. Unless your father can pay up to your dealer."

That's when she goes frilly, and a rat pops in next to her.

"Is it demons?" the little rodent asks, "boy do I hate demons! They're terrible! That's why you have this power - to defeat them!"

Then he realizes he's at a suburban barbeque. And he's staring at a father across the table, not some monster with too many horns.

Things start happening really fast after that.

"Boss!" Freebles yells, tackling the rat, "let me take care of this!"

"You got any spray paint?" T.T. asks you. It looks like he's managed to crawl across your yard - somehow.

"Garage," you tell him, "what the hell do you want it for?"

"Magician stuff," he tells you, and the look in his eyes brooks no argument.

>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>There's an angry magical girl across the table from you - this is why god gave men shotguns.
>Just sit back - everyone will sort things out eventually.
>Murder the rat yourself - you don't need underlings for this.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2653075
>>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>>
>>2653081
21:53 - 22:03 Voting period, ya know?
>>
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>>2653075
NOT THE FUCKING BACKYARD SO HELP ME ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY I WILL BECOME THE APOCALYPSE AND RAIN MUCH DESERVED DESTRUCTION UPON THE WORLD FOR A HUNDRED ETERNITIES!

With that being said I don't mind if you take this outside of the backyard.

>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>>
>>2653075
>WRITE IN
Protect the grill at all costs. To lose his grill is to deny a man his very soul.
>>
>>2653075

>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>>
>>2653075
>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>If anyone so much as harms my grill, I will rain such agony and sorrow upon the perpetrator that the demons of hell will weep in sympathy for their anguish.
The intimation is hurting our loved ones will be exponentially worse.
>>
>>2653075
>>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>>
>>2653075
>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>Write In: "Calm down Rachel, in the legitimate business world this is called a hostile takeover. Tone down the frills, no need for them here. This is between Freebles and your rat. Look around you, no one is armed or going frilly, you aren't in any danger." If she points out the sword just explain to her he is an advisor.
>>
>>2653075
>There's an angry magical girl across the table from you - this is why god gave men shotguns

GUESTS DO NOT PULL OUT WEAPONS INMY HOME
>>
>>2653075

>>2653115 has a point here:
>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>Write In: "Calm down Rachel. (Minus the bit about the hostile takeover.) Tone down the frills, no need for them here. This is between Freebles and your rat. Look around you, no one is armed or going frilly, you aren't in any danger." If she points out the sword just explain to her he is an advisor.
We probably should've put the sword down somewhere but it's probably a little late for that.
>>
>>2653129
>>Looks like there's going to be a fight - grab Shelby to supervise.
>>Write In: "Calm down Rachel. (Minus the bit about the hostile takeover.) Tone down the frills, no need for them here. This is between Freebles and your rat. Look around you, no one is armed or going frilly, you aren't in any danger." If she points out the sword just explain to her he is an advisor.

next time, middle ground, peace binding or whatever you call it, basically string to keep the swrod form being drawn form its sheath, but it can still give advice
>>
>>2653075
Supporting this Anon's write in >>2653115
>>
>>2652942
You can take her out? And how exactly does that matter?
Seriously, I’d be more concerned with the reason that would force you to do that than your ability to do so. And if “I just wanted to” comes up, you might want to rethink your morals.
The only reasons we fought were to make sure our daughter didn’t need too and we were attacked first. Though, we were black-out drunk with our Brother-in-law, so I’m not really sure what lead up to that fight.
>>
>Things start happening really fast after that.
I've got a bad feeling things are about to go batshit sideways for all involved.
>>
>>2653075
Going with this >>2653129.
>>
>>2653144
To be fair, Harriet did warn us that this kind of meetup can go tits up real fast.
>>
>"You got any spray paint?"
>"what the hell do you want it for?"
>"Magician stuff"
I love TT, but I'm sure daddio hates a little in this moment.

>>2653149
Ain't sayin' she didn't warn us, or that I don't like our chances, just a little sooner then expected is all. I'm fucking stoked for this either way.
>>
>>2653075
Faster than your eyes can track him, T.T. dashes into the garage and comes back out with a bottle of spray paint.

Wasn't he passed out a couple minutes ago?

Wizards, man.

"This had better fucking work," you hear him mutter, as he starts jabbering in a language you don't know and spray-painting a circle in your backyard.

...A circle that happens to be centered on Freebles and the other rat. Who are now in the middle of your backyard.

You guess Freebles dragged the other rat there.

"Shelby," you yell, watching T.T. slam symbols and letters from dead languages onto your back lawn, "looks like there's gonna be a fight. Ref this thing! And if anyone touches my grill," you say, sweeping your gaze across the assembled masses, "when you wind up in Hell, the demons will weep in sympathy! Double for my family!"

You see T.T. pause, and then carefully paint around your grill to complete his circle.

"I'll wager all my contracts against yours," Freebles says to the rat, "if you win, you take mine. If I win, I take yours."

"I'll take you up on that bet," the rat says, drawing himself into what looks like a fighting pose, "real powergrab you're making here," he says, glancing through the assembled crowd, as if he's reading the room, "this is exactly what the demons want! Dividing us against ourselves!"

He's trying to rally the girls behind him, but he gets no takers. Well, he might have gotten one, but you grabbed Rachel's arm just in time.

"Calm the fuck down," you tell her, "in the legitimate business world, we call this a hostile takeover. This is between Freebles and your rat - nobody else is going frilly. You're safe. This is a squared circle fight between those guys," you finish, jerking your head towards the two rodents.

She glares at you, but sits back down.

And then T.T. yells "They're sealed!"

Then you see Shelby. Oh god, he's gone announcer mode. Does he always keep those sunglasses in his back pocket?

"Alright, folks!" he yells, spreading his arms, "it happens here, and it finishes here! THUNDERDOME RULES! Two rats enter! One rat leaves!"

"NO HOLD BARRED!" he yells, "NO RULES! TWO RATS ENTER, ONE RAT LEAVES!"

..and then everyone yells "TWO RATS ENTER! ONE RAT LEAVES!"

Ok, everyone's slammed.

"FIGHT!" Shelby finishes.

>Make bets
>Talk to Rachel while the fight goes down [WRITE IN THINGS TO SAY]
>Yell advice at Freebles [WRITE IN ADVICE]
>WRITE IN

[Also, give me 1d100 rolls.]
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>2653178
>Make bets
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>2653183

seconding
>>
>>2653178
Drink beer and run combat commentary
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>2653178
>Make bets
Don't screw this up, little brother.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>2653178
HEAVEN OR HELL, LET'S ROCK!
>Yell advice at Freebles "GO FOR THE THROAT!"
>>
>>2653183
22:36 - 22:46 Voting period

I should have said that you have to write in exactly what you're betting on.
>>
>>2653192

no man, we the one taking bets
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>2653178
Drink beer and run combat commentary
>>
>>2653178
We need fight music
https://youtu.be/lK5sIE1PEwQ
>>
>>2653201

great, lets hope QM switched to bo3 instead of avraging
>>
>>2653192
Betting that it ends with Freebles winning with a cross-counter.
>>
>>2653202

nah man, we need to go retrogaming.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAwWPadFsOA
>>
>>2653204
Tombstone. He's gotta do a Tombstone at least once.
>>
>>2653203
>great, lets hope QM switched to bo3 instead of avraging
Hence, why I'm staying out of this vote.
>>
>>2653209
fucking 4chan rolling is going to screw us over
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>2653178
>>Make bets
BETTAN TIME
WHOS GONNA WIN?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>2653178
>Yell advice at Freebles [WRITE IN ADVICE]
piledrive him
>>
>>2653222

GODAMNIT STOP PEOPLE WHE WE ROLL HIGH STOP FUCKING ROLLING< YOU FUCKING OUR AVRAGE
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>2653178
>Make bets
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>2653178
>>
all these shit rolls are fucking our avrage
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>2653178
>Make bets
Wheel and possibly deal.
>>
>>2653224
non-anon I think you need to drink more tonight because it's not going to get better.
>>
>>2653234

im already drunk tho.

blame being part russain
>>
>>2653237
Get drunker, and call upon your slavic powers to rig the dice rolls.
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>2653241
>>2653241

Cyкa Блят
>>
>all this shit rollan and people purposely rollan like ass
BRB gonna drink myself into a stupor considering i had literally the best roll of this mess and you all fucked it.
>>
>>2653253
>>2653253
avraging system needs to go

lets jsut stick to BO3
>>
>>2653253
Call upon the powers of Booze to see us to victory fellow Anon. For it shall be a harsh and cold night for all of us.
>>
File: booze.jpg (5 KB, 194x259)
5 KB
5 KB JPG
IA IA BOOZE FTHAGAN
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>2653246
FUCK you

SUKA BLYAT
>>
>>2653178
"Hey!" you yell, "anyone want to make bets? I'll make the book."

Strangely, nobody really want to take you up on it.

And then you look at the fight, and realize why. The only bets would be on exactly how long it takes your little brother to savage the rat.

It's not even a real contest.

Freebles breaks the other rat over his little knee like Bane broke Batman, and then holds him over his head.

"What are the rules?" Freebles yells.

"TWO RATS ENTER," Shelby shouts, "ONE RAT LEAVES!"

"Alright," Freebles says, "only one of us is leaving this place."

Then he starts EATING the other magic rodent. Devouring it, sharp teeth tearing its flesh from its bones.

>That's not cool, bro
>Alright, that's what you guys do? Ok.
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>Holy shit.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2653265

sucha good roll wasted by averaging
>>
>>2653267
>Freebles that was Hyperbole dude.
>>
>>2653267
>Freebles that was Hyperbole dude.
>not that im complaing, that was fucking hardcore
>>
>>2653267
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>Holy shit.
>>
>>2653267
If the boss man didn't know somethings up, he about to
>>
>>2653267
>Freebles that was Hyperbole dude.
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>>
>>2653267
>>Good job bro! Not how I woulda done it and kinda morbid but whatever.
>>
>>2653267
>>Holy shit.
>Is that how you take over contracts?
god damn rat society is darwinian as almighty fuck.
>>
>>2653267
>>Holy shit.

(DAAAAYYYYYMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNN)
>>
>>2653267
>Holy shit.
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>>
>>2653267
>...Wow.
>"Bro. That's fucking metal. Remember though, shakedowns and blackmail, not murders. A little too soon for murders."
>>
>>2653267
>Holy shit.
>DAMN FREEBLES! THAT'S SOME GOD-TIER BRUTAL SHIT!
>>
>>2653267
>>Freebles that was Hyperbole dude.
>>Is that how you take over contracts?
>>
>>2653275
Also SHIT ABOUT TO GET FRILLY
>>
>>2653267
Just scream in your best shao Khan impression "FATALITY"
>>
"fataility"
>>
>>2653267
>Holy Shit
>"Bro, is that a necessary thing. I feel like your Boss might notice this."
>>
>>2653267
>Is that how you take over contracts?
Seems a little needlessly brutal, but whatever. It's just a dirty little rat.
>>
>>2653267
>Holy shit
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>>
>>2653293
This
>>
>Then he starts EATING the other magic rodent.
QM, you've outdone yourself again. This is the most satisfying cannibalism scene I've ever seen. (Never thought I'd have type that sentence either.)

>GET FRILLY
I also gotta say that's probably the most hilarious euphemism for magical girl transformations I've ever heard. Just puttin' that out there too.

Holy shit.


>GET FRILLY
>>
>>2653267
>Holy shit, that's some hard core stuff. Eat'em Bro.
>>
>>2653267
>>Alright, that's what you guys do? Ok.
well, gerbils do it in real life, i'm not sure if we are supposed to be impressed if the magical variants do it as well.
>>
File: bidoof.gif (735 KB, 391x428)
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>eats his competition
Freebles ascends to a higher plane.
>>
>>2653267
>By Sexy Fox Tails, I just wanted a normal cookout. Now there's drunk teenage girls all over the place and animal cannibalism for entertainment. I'm also pretty sure T.T. just nailed my daughter.
>Is that how you take over contracts?
>>
>>2653322

kek, supporting
>>
>>2653267
"FATALITY!" Shelby screams, and you see a wave of applause across his audience.

"Was that," you ask your ferret, no, your brother, "absolutely necessary?"

"Of course," he tells you, maw dripping with gore, "otherwise word might get back to my boss. That rat died honorably, in a fight against demons who had sealed the area against any outside intervention or observation. Those 'demons' happened to be us," he says, shooting you and T.T. a smirk, "but my boss doesn't need to know that part. I've taken the contracts."

There's a smug grin on his bloody face.

"it's how we take over contracts, bro," he tells you, "magic isn't pretty."

You're really not sure what to say.

Shelby's all too sure.

"AND WE HAVE A WINNER!" he yells triumphantly.

You hear cheers. Seems like most of the girls (and the wives) are into it.

...disturbingly into it.

>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS]
>Your boss might need to not know, but I've got a few questions [WRITE THEM IN]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2653330
I feel like this is a decent theme for the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdB6TGonTms
>>
>>2653330
>Lift his arm up
>WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION OF THE BACK YARD BRAWLLLLLL
>>
>>2653330
>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS]
Rachel, then Shelby's sister. Let them know what's going on and why, and what to expect now that their contracts are changing hands.
>>
>>2653330
>Your boss might need to not know, but I've got a few questions [WRITE THEM IN]

Mainly who and how many, other than Rachel, did he get?
>>
>>2653330
>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS] Rachel
>>
>>2653330
>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS]
>Pass Freebles a napkin and a bowl of beer. "Good job, Bro. Grab some steak while you're at it."
>>
>>2653335
23:22 - 23:32 Voting period.

I'd like to hope I answered a couple of things there.

Dead rats tell no tails.
>>
>>2653330
>Write-in
Bring out the booze cause tonight we dine in hell....well not really hell but we're in my backyard A FUCK IT YOU GET MY POINT JUST *chug a lot of beer*
>>
>>2653330
Yes, this is perfect>>2653335
>>
>>2653330
>>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS]
Mary about her new turf. And Rachel too.
>>
>>2653330
>Release the circle, T.T. [WRITE IN WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO AFTERWARDS]

>>2653345
>Pass Freebles a napkin and a bowl of beer. "Good job, Bro. Grab some steak while you're at it."
"Bro, was he also the rat handling Shelby's sister's contract? And can you...sense if we picked up anymore?"

>>2653339
Rachel, then Shelby's sister. Let them know what's going on and why, and what to expect now that their contracts are changing hands.
>>
>>2653339
Good point. Presumably they've been given at least some info, but giving them the full story is probably for the best.
>>
>>2653330
>Release the circle, T.T.
>Lift his arm up
>WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION OF THE BACK YARD BRAWLLLLLL
>Talk to Rachel
>>
>>2653330
>>2653359
>>
I want to sleep but update might be coming
>>
>>2653436
I know that feeling
>>
File: Totally Rachel.png (1.07 MB, 1000x1200)
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>>2653330
"Release the circle, T.T.," you tell the wizard, "you heard the kid - two rats enter, one ferret gets to leave."

He's hesitating, as if he can't quite believe what's happened. Or as if he realizes that you basically hold his daughter's life in a furry paw.

"HE PONDERS REBELLION," your sword says, straight into your head, "LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH."

"Release it," you tell him, giving him the benefit of the doubt. And one more chance.

T.T. does SOMETHING, you're not sure what exactly (you're no wizard), and you can almost feel the barrier collapse.
You run into the circle, grab the ferret's furry paw, and lift it towards the sky.

"WINNER AND REIGNING CHAMPION OF THE BACKYARD BRAWL!" you yell, "LET THERE NEVER BE NEED FOR ANOTHER ONE!"

Cheers. More cheers than you'd anticipated.

Well, if they're cheering the last part, that's good. There's only so much maintenance you want to have to do on your back lawn. Spray paint does a number on grass.

"Grab a steak, bro," you tell Freebles, "and a beer or something. You've earned it."

"All you, elder brother," the ferret tells you, "I would never have done that on my own - and couldn't have gotten the concealed the theatre for it. Even if he was a small-timer," your brother tells you, "I only got two contacts off him. Rachel's and Edwards' daughter's. Looks like she goes by her middle name - and signs it 'Einz'," he tells you.

"You did good, bro," you tell him, carrying him back the the tables. And a plate of steak.

"Hope you like the new 'turf'," you tell Mary as you pass her.

"Overlaps with T.T.'s," she tells you, "but you might be able to straighten that out."

"We'll see," you say, and keep walking.

Rachel's standing at the table.

And she's got a question:

>Great, you've replaced my 'rat' with a more bloodthirsty one?
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
>Will you let me duel my sister, now that you hold my leash?
>WRITE IN

[Answers to the questions would also be appreciated]
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?

Say this like we're fighting off the urge to Tsun as hard as we fucking can.
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
>>
>>2653445
>>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
No homage is necessary. This is about getting BETTER contracts for all you girls, mine included. I just want a better life for my daughter, and all the rest of you too.
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
>>
>>2653452
00:10 - [Whenever I wake up] Voting period.

I'm going to try to do it right this time - I'm about to fade into unconsciousness. I'm actually giving a notification instead of just collapsing on the floor!

So, twitter for when I pick this back up: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Have a good night/morning/afternoon etc.
>>
>>2653474
Night Haiku, have a pleasant coma.
>>
>>2653474
gnight
thanks for writing
>>
>"I only got two contacts off him. Rachel's and Edwards' daughter's..."
Now that we've secured the other girls contracts I think this is the time we huddle up with everyone and give them all the low-down. It'd be nice if we could speak to Einz before that, but at this point Freebles just got us the security we needed to have this convo.

>>2653452
>Say this like we're fighting off the urge to Tsun as hard as we fucking can.
If she wants to go full Tsun then it would probably be more like:
>Great, you've replaced my 'rat' with a more bloodthirsty one?
In which case: "Freebles is our sworn brother and he just went to the mat for ALL of us in a big way. Even HE understands you girls are in bad spot because of his people, and he's gonna help us fix it. That's why we're all here tonight. I've got a daughter caught up in all this too remember."

>>2653474
Good night, Haiku. Fuckin' badass, man.
>>
>>2653474
Night, dank ass quest so far, I'm fucking loving it.
>>
>>2653474
Have a nice night, my dude, and thanks for running one of the best written quests I've seen around here in months.
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
Only one, become a little sister to your father who sacrifice for you to get out this mess, become a little sister to your mother who is worried sick about you and lastly become a little sister your big sister she deserves because my God if you don't I will discipline you that even T.T or Alicia can't stop me and I will not stop until you know how to love your family because one day when all goes down you have a place to come home to

And that is your family.

DO YOU UN DER STAND YOUNG LADY??
>>
>>2653490
>It'd be nice if we could speak to Einz before that
I would find it a bit funny if Einz would try to show her appreciation by being offering herself up to be the wife of our first born only to find out it's just Melon.

>We tell her that girls can't love girls
>Her face when she doesn't give a damn and wants to show her appreciation by loving on Melon
I'm sad to say that I only have this Ilya meme in my folder, it will have to do for the time being until I get off my ass and get more Ilya memes
>>
>>2653445
supporting: >>2653468
>>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
>No homage is necessary. This is about getting BETTER contracts for all you girls, mine included. I just want a better life for my daughter, and all the rest of you too.
>>
>>2653445
>Great, you've replaced my 'rat' with a more bloodthirsty one?
He claims he was a Japanese salaryman in his past life. It seems about accurate.
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
This isn't about making you have any sort of debt to us or us having any power over you. This is about everyone getting out from under these bastards. I know that's a hard concept to believe with how everything goes on around here and I know you understand that everyone has people that they care about even if they don't want to admit it. There's no point in fighting over the position of crabs in a bucket instead of dealing with the fishermen. I can tell you don't always get along with your sister too well, but at least you still have one to fight with.
If you have anything else to ask then let me know but think it should at least figure out something basic that I can do with TT to make the damn quotas easier to hit before the party ends
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
Just caught up from the start.
I dont know how this quest followed up to this point but I like it.
>>
>>2653880
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=shotgun
Here are the previous three chapters! You've got a bit of reading ahead of you.
>>
I gotta say, QM, I really like this quest. For starting as a one-shot, it's evolved very well.
>>
>>2653916
I just love that what seems like it started off as an almost shitpost one-shot quest (we made a blue haired teen suck-off our shotgun for God sake) has evolved into one of the better quests on the board at the moment.
>>
>>2653445
>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?
>No homage necessary about getting you better contracts etc. Mix in writein about Freebles trying to help too because he realizes how fucked the situation is.
>>
>>2653645
Haha first Shelby, now Einz.
Oh God, you're right, Einz probably IS not-Ilya, LMAO, I didn't even think of that. QM's posts have been doing wonders for my Madoka and Fate collections.

>>2653839
These lines appeal to me:
>"He claims he was a Japanese salaryman in his past life."
>"There's no point in fighting over the position of crabs in a bucket instead of dealing with the fishermen. I can tell you don't always get along with your sister too well, but at least you still have one to fight with."
>>
>>2653975
Damn, that crabs in a bucket thing is REALLY good. Also just enough down-home southern redneck sounding that I can get behind it too.
>>
...I don't know what I was expecting when I decided to get into this quest and read the previous threads to start.

But it sure as hell wasn't this.
>>
>>2653445
>>Great, you've replaced my 'rat' with a more bloodthirsty one?
>>So what homage do I owe you? Now that your... sworn brother has my contract?

Almost forgot to vote.
>>
>"He claims he was a Japanese salaryman in his past life."
>"There's no point in fighting over the position of crabs in a bucket instead of dealing with the fishermen. I can tell you don't always get along with your sister too well, but at least you still have one to fight with."
>>
>"He claims he was a Japanese salaryman in his past life."
>"There's no point in fighting over the position of crabs in a bucket instead of dealing with the fishermen. I can tell you don't always get along with your sister too well, but at least you still have one to fight with."
>>
File: Obviously Rachel.jpg (1.2 MB, 2197x3106)
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>>2653445
"So," she says, with a raised eyebrow, licking her lips as you come back to the table, "what 'homage' do I owe you?"

That expression makes it absolutely clear what she's implying, and Sue gives her a shocked look.

...Could everyone please stop making this a thousand times creepier than it has to be?

"THEY USE YOUR NATURE AGAINST YOU," the sword speaks into your mind, "CAPITALIZING OFF YOUR STATUS AS AN OLDER MAN CREATING AN ARMY OF TEENAGE GIRLS IN FRILLY COSTUMES. WILL YOU BE MOCKED LIKE THIS?"

"Yes," you think at the sword, "this is small-time stuff. I'm fighting a war here - I can handle a few sex jokes."

"You know," Rachel continues, "now that your sworn brother holds my contract. I'm fairly sure THAT," she continues, gesturing at the bloody-mouthed ferret, "isn't how hostile takeovers work in the legitimate business world."

"Seems like a pretty good representation to me," you tell her, sitting back down to your steak, "gutting the business, cutting off the current leadership, all that sort of thing. I've seen it before."

"So you're telling me," she says, "that capitalism is cannibalism? Dad said you weren't a wizard, but you sure seem to think like one."

Is that how wizards think? No wonder the only one you know is a drunk. You watch Kelly Edwards supporting T.T. as the red-suited magus tries to empty his stomach onto your back lawn.

Either he's had a lot more to drink than you think, or that's one hell of a backlash from setting up the barrier.

"No," you tell her, and take a bite, "I'm thinking like a father. And an accountant."

"AND A SHOGUN," your sword finishes for you, as you chew. You ignore it studiously.

"My bro Freebles," you tell her, "knows you're all in a fix because of his people, and he's helping us fix it. He's willing to fight for it, and kill for it. So's your father - and look at what he's putting himself through for you," you say, gesturing at the hurling magus, "there's no point in fighting for top spot in the bucket of crabs, when you really need to deal with the fishermen."

"You might not like your sister," you say, spearing another piece of steak with your fork, "but at least you have one. I lost mine to the rats a long time ago."

She's a bit taken aback at that one, the smug almost vanishing from her face.

>Want to hear about it?
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?
>This is a party. Look happy, or drink until you can fake it.
>You dying would probably cause her (and your parents) more pain than you killing her.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654309
>This is a party. Look happy, or drink until you can fake it.
>>
>>2653942
> we made a blue haired teen suck-off our shotgun for God sake
I mean, that's one of the high-points of the quest so far. I honestly wouldn't mind it becoming a regular thing, but you do you.

>>2654309
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?
>>
>>2654309
>>This is a party. Look happy, or drink until you can fake it.
>I'm sure that someone here wouldn't mind having having you pal with them for a bit.
Let her stew in it for a bit.
>>
>>2654309
>>This is a party. Look happy, or drink until you can fake it.

If they want to know they will ask about shotgun shoguns's sister later
>>
>>2654309
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?

>>2654330
Supporting
>>
>>2654309
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?

>You dying would probably cause her (and your parents) more pain than you killing her.
>>
>>2654309
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?
>Why the hate anyway? Did she steal your lipstick or something like that?
>>
>>2654309
>I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into this gig just to one-up your sister. In fact, given that you're from a magical family I bet you know more about what you got into than most girls that signed a rat's contract. Tell me about that.
>>
>>2654327
>We made our brother-in-law suck-off our shotgun for God's sake!
>SUE that's my DAD...'s shotgun!
>>
>>2654309
>So did you really just get into this trying to one-up your sister?
>I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into this gig just to one-up your sister. In fact, given that you're from a magical family I bet you know more about what you got into than most girls that signed a rat's contract. Tell me about that.
>>
>>2654378
>>We made our brother-in-law suck-off our shotgun for God's sake!
>>SUE that's my DAD...'s shotgun!

HAHAHA WELL PLAYED
>>
>>2654309
Supporting >>2654330
>>
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>>2654309
There's just nothing like shutting down someone who thinks they're hotter shit than you.

And nothing like giving life advice to girls who could be your daughter. If you were a drunk wizard.

"You just get into this to one-up her?" you ask, and she gives you a deadly stare.

"You could say that," she tells you, and you wonder if she's going to go frilly again, "but it's not about getting ahead, it's about getting even."

And with that, you see it. Part of it's in her face, some of it's in her clenched fists, and the rest you guess at. The daughter fit to continue the family legacy, the heir, and the one that can't even be a spare - wow. You might need to talk to T.T. later, with your fists.

Or not - hell, who are you to tell someone how to manage his own family?

But saying something that makes a guest enjoy the barbeque less leaves a sour taste in your mouth. It's your party after all!

"Look," you tell her, "this is a party. Just let it go for a night and be happy. Or drink until you can. That's the family tradition, isn't it?"

Now THAT's an odd look she gives you, as Sue takes your cue and drags Rachel towards the impromptu bar.

A bar Shelby seems to be manning to wild success. That is his night job, after all. Seems like both you and your little brother work for the dragon.

>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>Check in with the wife
>Check in with Shelby
>Check in with Freebles
>Check in with the wizard who's hurling his guts up on your lawn
>Give a speech
>Collapse
>Roll up to the 'bar'
>WRITE IN
>>
>clear what she's implying, and Sue gives her a shocked look.
Sue you filthy hypocrite! What'd you think was gonna happen after telling her the story of your first encounter with the old man?

>You watch Kelly Edwards supporting T.T. as the red-suited magus tries to empty his stomach onto your back lawn.
Aww, see? They're getting along great!

>>2654327
> we made a blue haired teen suck-off our shotgun for God sake
>>2654378
>We made our brother-in-law suck-off our shotgun for God's sake!
The shotgun isn't exactly discriminating.

>SUE that's my DAD...'s shotgun!
I'm glad someone finally did that joke.
>>
>>2654414
>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
We promised we'd help him too.
>>
>>2654414
>>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2654414
>>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2654414
>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2654429
12:20 - 12:30 Voting period and all that.

>>2654427
>The shotgun isn't exactly discriminating.
Th shotgun sexually identifies as a shotgun. Human ideas of gender don't really apply to it - the only questions that matters to it are "can I fit? Can I kill?"
>>
>>2654414
>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2654427
?We made a blue haired teen suck-off our shotgun for God sake!
And she was in a frilly fetish outfit!
>>
>>2654414
>>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
Time to check up on Shelby's little sister
>>
>>2654414
>Go find this 'Einz' chick - Edwards' daughter
>>
>>2654414
>Check in with the wizard who's hurling his guts up on your lawn
>Keep us or some others alert for the last rat incase it's smart enough to jet the instant it sees a bunch of magical girls, wizards, and a kitsune conspiring together

I think it might be a good idea to not let him check in with Homu due to how badly he pukes out his guts out from checking the "normal" girls. 30x years of dying for mostly apocalyptic torture reasons going into his mind at the same time is going to fuck his him to hell in a possibly literal fashion. We need to get one of the in-laws to do their soul glance thing for her.
>>
>>2654453
Oh shit, yeah we really gotta keep an eye out for any other rats
>>
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>>2654414
You've been trying to remain sober, but things are getting slightly blurry.

How many drinks have you had that you don't remember having?

THAT's a question for the ages and the sages, you think, finishing off your steak, while you watch Sue dragging Rachel towards the bar, arguing with her the whole time.

Some people like that sort of thing.

Alright, Freebles said he'd taken Edwards' daughter's contract too? So where is she?

You look around, and spot two heads of flowing white hair. One of them is chatting with your wife. Wow, this 'Einz' really takes after her mother, you think.

The girl is over at another table, and she seems a little younger than the rest. A contract that early? You're beginning to sympathize with Freebles' method of taking out his competition.

Your competition, you remember, walking towards her, plate in hand. He is your sworn brother.

"AND WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT," the sword intones, "YOU ARE RUNNING A CRIMINAL EMPIRE."

The girls at the table are petting Freebles. He's definitely enjoying the attention - and the opportunity to show off his new tattoos.

"Hey!" 'Einz' yells, "that was some fight! How'd you train him to do that?"

>We had a training montage
>Please tell me "Ooal Gown" isn't the rest of your name
>You seem really cheerful, for a girl that watched her rat get murdered and eaten
>Uh, how much have you had to drink?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654488
>>We had a training montage

literally with song and all.
>>
>>2654488
>>We had a training montage
>Please tell me "Ooal Gown" isn't the rest of your name
>>
>>2654488
>We had a training montage
>Please tell me "Ooal Gown" isn't the rest of your name
>>
>>2654488
>We had a training montage
>>
>>2654488
>>We had a training montage
>>You seem really cheerful, for a girl that watched her rat get murdered and eaten

wait...

>>Please tell me "Ooal Gown" isn't the rest of your name
>>
>>2654488
>We had a training montage
>>
>>2654488
>We had a training montage
>You seem really cheerful, for a girl that watched her rat get murdered and eaten
>>
>>2654488
>>We had a training montage
>"So, about your contracts." "We are going to find a way to get all of you girls out of them alright. I am not going to demand any tribute or oath of fealty from you, the way these rats have treated you girls is wrong and we aim to fix it."

I am not nearly awake enough nor do I have a natural reserve of dadliness to dad this up, some one please dad this up for us.
>>
>>2654488
>Training montage.
We are not a weeaboo.
>>
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>>2654493
12:48 - 12:58 Voting period, ya know.

>>2653645
Get better Illya memes - that's just an Illya-flavored "HIGH IMPACT".
>>
>>2654488
>We had a training montage

As a side note, there is part of me that want's us to get drunk enough to go up to T.T or the assassin and just say, "So, are there like, giant robots we can find in this crazy world? Because - and this might be the alcohol talking - punching rat boss in the face with a giant metal fist sounds badass right about now."
>>
>>2654488
>Oh, I didn’t train him, he’s a natural. A cutthroat businessman.
>Glad you’re enjoying yourself. I just want to ask about your name. Why “einz”?
>>
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>>2654488
"We had a training montage," you tell her, sitting yourself down on the bench, "Eye of the Tiger is great music for lifting weights."

"It is, isn't it?" she tells you, fixing you with those all-too-red eyes, "I benched six hundred to that song once. High weight, low reps stuff, you know."

Wait.

She benched 600lbs? Even once? This fucking grade schooler?

Christ, her arms look like noodles.

"Jesus," you tell her, "I wouldn't think someone like you could lift twice the weight I do."

"It's magic!" she tells you, happily, "like how my brother summons swords, and my dad goes into slow-motion when he shoots! Oh," she says, turning away a little, "if you're on his list, forget that last part!"

"I'm pretty sure I'm not on that list," you tell her, "I'm his accountant."

"So you're the 'money guy'?" she asks you, eyes narrowing a litte, "you don't looks like a dragon."

"That's my boss," you tell her, and her red eyes go wide, "I recently took over your father's accounts. They're..." you trail off, "rather interesting."

"That's my dad for ya!" she says, smiling, "anyone I land as a boyfriend's gonna have a tough time!"

That's, well, you look at her father still trying to hold up T.T. That's one way of looking at it. And she's definitely inherited her mother's sense of humor.

>I didn't train Freebles - he's a naturally cutthroat businessman
>We're going to get you out of your contract with the rats
>Exactly what the fuck does your dad do?
>So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654514
> 12:58 <???>
You're missing something, QM.

Not 'errybody lives in PST, you know.
>>
>>2654612
> So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.
>>
>>2654514
I know I'm a terrible human being.
>>
>>2654617
13:20 - 13:30 Voting period. You know the drill.

>>2654613
>Not 'errybody lives in PST, you know.
I live in MST. And the posts I do are basically "voting's over ten minutes from the quoted post, and I'll consider write ins, rolls, and stuff from anyone after that".

I play it fast and loose.
>>
>>2654612
>>So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.
>>We're going to get you out of your contract with the rats
>>
>>2654612
> I didn't train Freebles - he's a naturally cutthroat businessman
> you might think that this is an unholy union of a dad and a ferret, but in reality it's much worse. Fkr in a past life Freebles was . . . . In SALES AND MARKETING. Never before have an accountant and someone from the dark end of the business joined hands before.

> Fear us, for he knows how to sniff out where all your accounts are, and I'm coming to settle them.
>>
>>2653178
>>2654622

How did the rolls for this work?
>>
>>2654612
>So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.
>>
>>2654612
>>I didn't train Freebles - he's a naturally cutthroat businessman
>>We're going to get you out of your contract with the rats
>So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.
>>
>>2654627
This is pretty good. +1
>>
>>2654612
> So, uh, why "Einz"? That's a bit of an odd name.

This is also perfect>>2654627
>>
>>2654612
Fuck it, I like >>2654627
>>
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>>2654629
Averages.

Oh, wait, you really want to know how the rolls work?

Are you sure?

I'm fishing for outliers. Crits, particularly. Anything over 80 or under 20. And yeah, I apply them to different parts of the outcome as I see fit - thus why Freebles got a good 90 on breaking the other rat's back, and you guys had to see him eat the other rat on a 5.

Are you really sure?

Basically, if the thread says "holy shit that's good" or "holy shit that's bad" on a roll - that's the sort of roll I'm looking for. It's sort of an average.

Are you really, really sure?

You really don't want to look behind this curtain.

I look to dice rolls to jolt my imagination. And nothing else. Write ins are far more powerful in actually directing how things go. I ask you to roll dice so that you feel there are stakes. It's a way to rile up the audience, like when the Sex Pistols pissed on their crowd.

I told you you didn't want to look at that. I really didn't want to break that illusion.
>>
>>2654663
High narrative basis. Respect.
>>
>>2654612
>>"It's magic!" she tells you, happily, "like how my brother summons swords, and my dad goes into slow-motion when he shoots! Oh," she says, turning away a little, "if you're on his list, forget that last part!"
This gives me an idea for after the party. Kelly and Homu both have time based powers and might function in a similar way with the magical girl part making hers OP. It might be a good idea to ask him at a later time if he would consider training/teaching her to see if he can make her able to control her time loop to do stuff like rewinding back 5 minutes. That way if something bad happens she doesn't have to do a hard reset or die to activate things.
>>
>>2654722
Save-scumming as a supernatural ability. LOL
>>
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>>2654612
"So," you ask, taking a sip of your beer, "why 'Einz'? That's a rather odd name."

"It's a short version of my mom's maiden name," she tells you with a smile, "dad killed them all, so I've sorta got to keep up the family name, right?"

Uh.

What the fuck?

'I iced the client after that job,' Kelly's voice echoes in your head, from your earlier conversation at the grill.

So that's what he was talking about? Then that means they caught him in a... Honey Trap, you think, looking over at his wife, her white hair waving as she trades anecdotes with Liska. And he killed them all for it. And she's still with him. After he apparently murdered her whole family.

Maybe they deserved it.

Maybe you are getting pulled into a really deep rabbit hole here.

You can't quite process the level of insanity that magic seems to inspire in people, and turn back toward the girl.

"I didn't train Freebles," you tell her, "he's a naturally cutthroat businessman, or so my bro tells me. He was in sales and marketing. That sort of thing comes naturally to that sort of person. It's a rather," you pause, taking another sip of beer, "unholy sort of union. A dad and a ferret - Accounting and Marketing. And I'm joining hands with that sort of brutality, for a chance at getting my daughter, and other people like you, out of this," you finish, staring her full in the face.

"Seems like you can do it," Einz tells you, "given that you just had a rat cage fight in your backyard. So when's the next one? You can't have a champion," she says, rubbing Freebles' tummy, "without a challenger, after all."

>There is not going to be a 'next one', if I can help it
>Are there any more rats in this city? One of them shows up, and it's another magical cage match.
>You're saying your dad just wiped out your mom's family?
>Collapse
>Give a speech
>You seem a bit different than you brother.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654733
>>Are there any more rats in this city? One of them shows up, and it's another magical cage match.
>>
>>2654733
>>Are there any more rats in this city? One of them shows up, and it's another magical cage match.
>You seem a bit different than you brother.
>>
>>2654733
>>Are there any more rats in this city? One of them shows up, and it's another magical cage match.
>>You seem a bit different than you brother.
>>
>>2654733
>>Give a speech
>>Collapse
>>
>>2654733
>Honestly, if we get another optimist like that one, yeah, he's going to be tossed into the ring. However, we'll need to grab a few cynical rats here and there, ones who lost their idealism a long time ago, because if we put too much on Feebles' plate here, they might get suspicious. So we should spread it out a bit with some other recruits who might like to get a bit more prestige and respect while trying to do something good for their girls.
>Not saying you can't handle the heat, Bro, just saying it's better to have four people carry a horse then just one.
>You seem a bit different than you brother.
>>
>>2654759
This seems nice.

Also, so the major business is done and we can just chill as long as no one freaks, or do we still have things to do?
>>
>>2654733
>hang on, your dad killed your mom’s family? And told you about it? What’s all that about?
>>
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>>2654733
magic cage match!
>Gotta catch em all.
>>
>Honestly, if we get another optimist like that one, yeah, he's going to be tossed into the ring. However, we'll need to grab a few cynical rats here and there, ones who lost their idealism a long time ago, because if we put too much on Feebles' plate here, they might get suspicious. So we should spread it out a bit with some other recruits who might like to get a bit more prestige and respect while trying to do something good for their girls.
>Not saying you can't handle the heat, Bro, just saying it's better to have four people carry a horse then just one.
>You seem a bit different than you brother
>>
There should be one more rat to off, right? or did Kelly and TT have the same rat contractor?
>>2654733
>It's Ratslematia 2918 in here today but I don't wanna get the brighter ones spooked if he eats too much.
>Your brother seems to take after your father a bit.
>Stagger over to the wife and ask if she has some sort of "get me sober before I pass out" spell. Possibly collapse.
>>
>>2654733
>Gotta go slow, don't want them all catching on and skittering away.
>You seem a bit different than you brother.
>>
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>>2654663
. . . . Have you read the original Zeon Quest?

Or Valen Quest?

> When people think Narrative based means easier
>>
>>2654780
Same contractor.
>>
>>2654733
"Are there any other rats in this city?" you ask her, "because if they show up, there's gonna be another Thunderdome."

"I think that's it," she tells you with a smile, "Pink's fuckers, T.T.'s domain, and the dragon's territory - that's the fuckin' city right there! The whole damn city!"

"AND IT IS YOURS," the sword intones, "SHOTGUN SHOGUN. TODAY YOU TAKE A CITY - AND TOMORROW YOU TAKE EDO!"

"Christ," you think at the sword, "calm it down a little. And Edo (they call it 'Tokyo' now) is ten thousand miles from here."

"AN EASY MARCH," the sword says, "WITH TROOPS OF THIS CALIBER! THEY COULD ALL FLY TEN THOUSAND MILES!"

...It's probably best to ignore him, before he tries talking you into unifying Japan. And the dragon's your employer.

"You seem a little... different from your brother," you tell the white haired girl in front of you.

"Oh," she tells you with a smirk, "he's adopted. And he's a Natural. That's a heavy thing to bear."

"Heavy?" you ask, Metal Gearing her statement like your life depends on it.

"Do you know," she asks, that mad smile still on her face, "how many demons want a Natural's soul?"
>>
>>2654733
>WRITE IN

Probably the next one won't be for a while. We don't want to being Freebles boss into it too quick, better to make him look like an up and comer first by letting get revenge on the "demons" that did this.

By "revenge" I mean "restoring profits" ideally to the point his boss doesn't just replace Snacks. Or whatever his name was.

If it looks like someone is hitting the Rats, though, they might decide it's vetter to come down fast and hard.
>>
>>2654808
> "Do you know," she asks, that mad smile still on her face, "how many demons want a Natural's soul?"

Like the Rats, for instance?

And BTW is she saying he would be good bait?
>>
>>2654808
>"Do you know," she asks, that mad smile still on her face, "how many demons want a Natural's soul?"
>Three? Exactly three! No more than three definitely.
>Who am I kidding, it's all of them isn't it.
>>
>, "Pink's fuckers, T.T.'s domain, and the dragon's territory - that's the fuckin' city right there! The whole damn city!"

>"AND IT IS YOURS

...I mean, no, seriously, I (as a player) am still wrapping my head around that. I mean fuck.
>>
>>2654808
>Good to know he makes for excellent bait.
>>
>>2654813
>"This was a terrible idea!"
>"Shut up Shelby! Stop wiggling! Wait, no, wiggle more, maybe they'll be attracted to it, like fish!"
>"Hanging me from a tree over a hell portal is a terrible way to attract demons!"
>>
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>>2654733
"Are there any other rats in this city?" you ask her, "because if they show up, there's gonna be another Thunderdome."

"I think that's it," she tells you with a smile, "Pink's fuckers, T.T.'s domain, and the dragon's territory - that's the fuckin' city right there! The whole damn city!"

"AND IT IS YOURS," the sword intones, "SHOTGUN SHOGUN. TODAY YOU TAKE A CITY - AND TOMORROW YOU TAKE EDO!"

"Christ," you think at the sword, "calm it down a little. And Edo (they call it 'Tokyo' now) is ten thousand miles from here."

"AN EASY MARCH," the sword says, "WITH TROOPS OF THIS CALIBER! THEY COULD ALL FLY TEN THOUSAND MILES!"

...It's probably best to ignore him, before he tries talking you into unifying Japan. And the dragon's your employer.

"You seem a little... different from your brother," you tell the white haired girl in front of you.

"Oh," she tells you with a smirk, "he's adopted. And he's a Natural. That's a heavy thing to bear."

"Heavy?" you ask, Metal Gearing her statement like your life depends on it.

"Do you know," she asks, that mad smile still on her face, "how many demons want a Natural's soul?"

"All of them," she tells you, leaning towards you with an awful grin, "that's why people like T.T. can drag demons across dimensions - they WANT him. I can't really tell you how badly, I'm not a demon, but they come in for it. And they don't leave."

>Throw down
>Alright, great, I'm going to go talk to his dad.
>You seem to know an awful lot about all this - you know how to make a portal into Hell?
>I see why wizards drink
>WRITE IN

[Fucking 4chan earlyposted me >>2654808]
>>
>>2654840
>>I see why wizards drink
>>
>>2654840
>>Alright, great, I'm going to go talk to his dad.
>>
>>2654840
>>I see why wizards drink
>>
>>2654840
>>I see why wizards drink
>>You seem to know an awful lot about all this - you know how to make a portal into Hell?

>>WRITE-IN: Everyone starts chanting, "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>
>>2654840
>Alright, great, I'm going to go talk to his dad.
>You seem to know an awful lot about all this - you know how to make a portal into Hell?
>>
>>2654840
>>You seem to know an awful lot about all this - you know how to make a portal into Hell?
>>
>>2654808
>>2654821
>>
>>2654840
>I see why wizards drink
>Alright, great, I'm going to go talk to his dad.
>>
>>2654840
>>2654856
>>
>>2654856
Gonna vote for this.
>>
>>2654840
>>You seem to know an awful lot about all this - you know how to make a portal into Hell?
>>
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>>2654840
"I see," you tell her, slugging the rest of your beer, fully aware of your hypocrisy, "why wizards drink."

Einz smiles at you, "they're excellent bait," she says.

"You seem," you tell her, "to know an awful lot about this - know how to make a portal into Hell?"

"Maybe," she tells you, "got to think about it for a bit. Maybe I could redirect the etheric energies from T.T.'s array?"

She starts muttering to herself, as you walk off towards her father.

>Are you ready to come to Hell with me?
>Your daughter says you killed your wife's whole family - I trust there was a decent reason?
>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>Is T.T. ok?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654923
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>Is T.T. ok?
>>
>>2654923
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>Is T.T. ok?
>>
>>2654923
>Is T.T. ok?

>Your daughter says you killed your wife's whole family - I trust there was a decent reason?

>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>
>>2654923
>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>Is T.T. ok?
>>
>>2654923
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>Is T.T. ok?
>>
>>2654923
>>2654926
supporting
>>
>>2654923
>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>Is T.T. ok?
>>
>>2654923
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>
>>2654923
>>Your daughter says you killed your wife's whole family - I trust there was a decent reason?
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>
>>2654923
>Is T.T. ok?
> So. Now that we have everyone on the same page, we should start planning how to bring the situation up with Bernie.

> What can we offer, or threaten, him with? I'll be meeting with my Wife's family soon as well, and I know drinking sake, getting tatts, and Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto about their culture so a crash course on how to deal with Kitsune that doesn't involve marriage or shotguns would be nice.

> Please tell me there IS a way to do that.

First thing we should do is figure out a prank to play on them when we arrive. Maybe just verbatim repeat what the Sword says and make it look like it took us over? Get her brother to challenge us to a rematch for it, thinking we were too weak for it, and then once the duel starts grin and pull out our shotgun again and ask him if this time he wants us to blow it in his mouth?
>>
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>>2654923
You stroll towards Edwards, and ask him "Is T.T. ok?"

"Yeah," he tells you, "guy's fine. Must have one hell of a liver."

"So I gathered," you tell him, "seems to be a family thing."

And then the assembled masses,wives and daughters, start chanting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"

There's only one thing to do.

So you do it.

"ARRWRIGHT!" you yell, turning back towards the tables, "you want a speech - ya got it. This is a speech!"

"RALLY THEM TO YOUR CAUSE, LORD," the sword calls into your mind.


"Who wants to be the top crab in the bucket?" you ask them.

No takers, as you'd hoped.

"Who'd rather take on the fishermen?" you ask, and a chorus of cheers surges up.

"You want a way out?" you ask, and don't even bother waiting for a response, "we're gonna square those contracts! You saw what my bro does to rats who don't treat their girls right!" you say, gesturing at Freebles, who's happily chowing down on a steak, his little maw still bloody.

"This isn't about making you in debt to us," you tell the crowd, your eyes fixing on Mary, "or about me having power over you. This is about everyone getting out from under those rat bastards!"

"This is brothers and sisters taking up arms against cocksucking rats!" you say.

"You want in?" you ask the crowd, and they go wild.

"I'm pretty sure I CAN open a portal into Hell," Einz says, suddenly appearing at your elbow, "want to go there?"

>Yeah, let's go. We're an army.
>That's a bad idea
>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2654923
>>Everyone starts shouting "Speech! Speech! Speech!"
>>
>>2655091
>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go
>>
>>2655091
>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go
Recover our sister, and recruit some greater demons. Sounds like a plan.
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque

Bonding first, then gathering supplies and weapons, then some planning, someone is going to have to keep an eye on the earthly realm while we are in hell. Then when that's all squared away we can portal into hell chainsaws blazing.
>>
>>2655091
>>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque
We need prep time first.
>>
>>2655091
>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go

I mean we're all gathered up here, seems like a great opportunity honestly.
>>
>>2655100
15:53 - 16:03 Voting period.
>>
>>2655091
>>Yeah, let's go. We're an army.
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque
Now is not a good time. Maybe after we’ve got more forces under our banner.
>>
>>2655091
>>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque
>>
>>2655091

>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque.

Probably not ready to storm the gates of hell just yet.
>>
>>2655091
I support >>2655107
Despite how much I wanna see our army of drunken magical girls and parents march to through gates of hell, we need a plan, and possibly sobriety. BUT I think we've definitely at least got the numbers for an expedition, if not an outright invasion.
>>
>>2655121
AFAIK we have:
7 magical girls
4 mages
1 kitsune
1 shotgun shogun

Do you really think this isn't enough to do a walk through hell?
>>
>>2655129
1 of the mages is terribly drunk and unlikely to be of any help. Hell, half of us are all blitzed. I don't want us to walk in hell drunk off our asses.
>>
>>2655091
>>Fuck it, we're all in this together, let's go
Everyone is drunk there's no way this kind of bad idea isn't the best idea
>>
>>2655135
Have you forgotten how fast T.T. got back to us at the bar after we put him in a taxi? Guy just pretends to be drunk to ease his conscience.
>>
Strange things have happened, and my girlfriend needs me to come fuck with her car.

Or transport her to someone who can fuck with her car. Hopefully not a fat faceless man.

That sort of thing.

So basically - I'm out until further notice. Further Notice will be given on my Twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque. Plenty of time to get us all sorted so that we can work together, before we commit to raiding Hell.

We're doing this to improve their lives, let's not risk them stupidly right off the bat.
>>
>>2655154
>that awkward moment when the QM himself must go on a quest
Good luck with the car-fucking! Yes, I misread it at first, it's funnier this way though.
>>
>>2655155
But since we've gotten rid of the other rat, we now have to deal with 2x the quota. And it has been talked about before that we should go and defeat the demons on their own turf to deal with that.
>>
>>2655091
>I wanna get the math done first and then clear it with everyone else. It seems like an option for if we have to suddenly farm a ton of energy.
>I'd like to just keep this a nice barbeque

>>2655165
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrLMLFE5Eec
I'm glad that I don't live in America where the idea that my car has been raped is a legitimate possibility.
>>2655169
2x quota over (roughly) 2x the area. Unless there was never enough demons for everyone there shouldn't be a problem on our side.
>>
>>2655169
Yes. But we JUST got everyone together.

As well, the Rats take the lions share for themselves so Freebles should be full up for the moment and it would look pretty suspicious anyways if we just suddenly handed in a bunch of energy.

Snacks energy should give some time before we have to hunt.

Also we picked up 2 magical girls not a other 5 so we don't "need" twice as much energy, more like 1.4 times as much.

Don't panic, think things through. Or as a Redneck Dad would say "Measure twice and cut once".

Like. We should maybe try to summon a few demons first and let the girls "steal" them from T.T. to get energy, make Freebles look good, and get everyone used to working with each other while on our home turf.

Maybe get ourselves a bit more armored up before going actually into hell since we are actually quite squishy if the shotgun doesn't work.

Maybe also get in touch with that first demon chick so we can make sure we have a way OUT of Hell.
>>
>>2655154
Seems like it was a false alarm - things are good with the car, apparently.

So I'm back in the hell that is questing.
>>
>>2655091
>I'd like to keep this just a nice barbeque
For now, at least. We gotta work on teamwork first (and maybe get some sick combo moves worked out) before we go a marching into hell.
>>
>>2655208
I wonder if anyone like say Bernie is observing this gathering of powers here.
>>
>>2655190
We need to do math first. The average cost for a magical girl to kill a demon might be higher than the energy they get paid for killing a demon. We need to do our accounting/actuarial thing and figure out the most efficient way to game the foreign exchange system ( no need to infodump. just skim over the top blah blah) Eg magical girl weapons/enchantments could be worth far more than the demon kill so they could turn a profit helping out as magical arms dealers. One of the demon convoys on the supply route could get ganked via summoning.

When/if we do the hell portal thing I think the communist demon circles are probably a good bet for binding them in. It's nice, large, and much more difficult to break the circle by accident.
>>
we schud ask our rat to see the contracts
>>
>>2655208
That just means the fat faceless man has already made his move!
>>
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>>2655091
"I'd like to keep this a nice family barbeque," you tell the little girl, "maybe we'll go in when we've done the math. Or the meth - given how magic seems to work. Or when we're not all fuckin' drunk!" you finish, a little too pointedly.

"Alright," Einz tells you, "I'll just keep figuring out how making a bridge into Hell works - and how to sustain it without T.T.'s magic. Or, you know, something like that," she says before staggering off.

"Measure twice, cut once," you mutter after her.

"Right!" you yell, "Freebles, no, brother, show me the contracts!"

What seem like pieces of parchment float through the air in front of you. From what you can see, you really don't like the look of then.

"I didn't make these," the ferret tells you, "I just took them over. They're pretty bad."

You can't debate him, once you rake your eyes across the contracts arrayed in front of you.

Usury.

'Favors'.

Other financial fuckery.

And non-financial fuckery.

...so that's why Rachel thought you'd be taking 'jus primae noctis'. Fucking Hell.

>We are going to kill everyone responsible for this
>We are going to kill every rat in a thousand miles, and if your boss tries to stop us, we'll kill him too
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>Fuck it, we're going to Hell - I'm already in it
>Let's just have a nice family barbeque
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2655332
>We are going to kill every rat in a thousand miles, and if your boss tries to stop us, we'll kill him too
>>
>>2655332
>We are going to kill everyone responsible for this
Burn the women rape the churches!
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>>
>>2655332
>>Fuck it, we're going to Hell - I'm already in it
Goddamn guys, we had them pumped up and all.
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over.
Our boss should have one on staff, yeah?
And then, after we've done that, we can murder everyone responsible.
>>
>>2655332
>>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over

Internally
>We are going to kill everyone responsible for this
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>>
>>2655332
>We are going to kill everyone responsible for this... painfully.
Hey bro, can you spit him back out and eat him again? But slower this time, and roast him a bit first.
>>
>>2655332
"We're going to get," you tell Freebles, "a decent lawyer to look these over. Bernie's got to have one on retainer."

"And then," you whisper to the ferret, "we are going to kill everyone involved. And we're going to make it painful. I've seen what you can do."

"Sounds good, bro!" he tells you, with a little too much enthusiasm in his beady red eyes.

"We've got to keep on quota so your boss doesn't get any ideas, right?" you ask the ferret, walking towards the impromptu bar.

"Yeah, bro," Freebles tells you, "he'd know if any of them defaulted. Probably best if we didn't try that until we're ready to kill him."

"Oh," you tell the ferret, "we'll be ready one day," you say, rolling up to the 'bar'.

>Shelby, get me a [WRITE IN DRINK]
>So what's a girl like [WRITE IN] doing at a bar like this?
>Honey, I'm just gonna have one, I swear!
>How's the night treatin' ya, kid?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2655332
>I'm going to get a decent lawyer to look these over
>We are going to kill everyone responsible for this
+1 for >>2655363
> Call the parents over discreetly(so that the kids can't listen in before everyone explodes in rage) and absolutely abhorrent those contracts are even by evil standards.
>Call the boss and ask if he can get you some recommendations for contract lawyers
>>
>>2655387
>How's the night treatin' ya, kid?
>>
>>2655387
>>So what's a girl like [Harriet] doing at a bar like this?
>>
>>2655387
> So what's a girl like [Harriet] doing at a bar like this?
>>
>>2655396
Not sure how much more useful shit Harriet would have for us, given how much we've evidently fucked with the 'natural' order of the timeline.
>>
>>2655387
>>Honey, I'm just gonna have one, I swear!
>>
>>2655395
17:22 - 17:32 Voting period and all that.

I'm fairly sure that "let's not go to Hell" won last time around,
>>
>>2655405
When we go to hell, we need a pistol, chaingun, rocket launcher, and some variation of BFG. (God only knows what we'll do for a plasma rifle.)

Kinda hard to rustle that up on short notice.
>>
>>2655387
>Shelby, get me an Afterburner.

>One of the men, the pilot of the F-4 that survived the incident in question, asked the bartender if he knew how to do, of all things, an afterburner. Amazingly, the bartender replied that he had not and asked for a data dump. More than happy to oblige, the pilot explained how a shot of a high-proof liquor is ignited so the alcohol on top burns and the drinker downs the shot. If done in optimal fashion, the shot glass returns to the bar with a blue flame still alight in the bottom–and without loss of eyebrows, nose hair, or burning facial tissues.

https://fightersweep.com/1233/fighter-pilot-traditions-jeremiah-weed/
>>
>>2655387
>How's the night treatin' ya, kid?
>>
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>>2655387
"So," you ask the black-haired chick at the 'bar', "what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Getting absolutely slammed," Harriet tells you, "and, uh, I hope there's space on your couch."

So she's planning on going that hard, is she?

Well, you think, glancing around the yard, couch space might be a little limited tonight.

"Shelby," you say to the bartender, "get me an afterburner."

It's not your problem if you're too slammed to deal with it, right? Right? RIGHT!

The redheaded boy gives a bit of a look. Seems like the night's been treating him roughly.

"Here you fucking go, eldest brother," he tells you, holding out a flaming shot glass, as he puts a matching one near his lips.

"And one for the lady," he says, pushing another one of those definitely devilish concoctions across the counter toward Harriet.

"To killing rats!" you say, to cheers, and down the drink. Once you manage to look around, you realize that Shelby and Harriet somehow managed to do it as well.

Ok, your couch is not going to have enough space if everyone gets this slammed.

>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>Shelby, anyone tell you're a dangerous man?
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>Ok, who's up for taking on Hell itself?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2655484
>Shelby, anyone tell you that you like to live dangerously?
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>>
>>2655484
>>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>>
>>2655484
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>Shelby, anyone tell you're a dangerous man?
>>
>>2655484
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>>
>>2655387
>Just saw your sister's contract.
>I think once everyone else sees that piece of garbage they're going to be a lot of aggression we need to take out on something.It's like they took every single banned practice mankind thought up and put it into one spot.
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>>
>>2655484
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>>
>>2655484
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
got any tips?
>>
>>2655484
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>>
>>2655484
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>>
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>>2655484
"So," you ask your sworn brother, "Shelby - has anyone ever told you that you like living dangerously?"

"Only when they're fucked up," the redhead tells you, "being behind a bar is its own kind of hell."

"Soh Harriet," you say, slewing around to look at the black-haired woman, "we're definitely in a timeline ya haven't seen, aren't we?"

"We're way outside the Standard Deviation," she tells you, "you gonna take it farther?"

"So Harriet," you ask, "you ever seen someone assault Hell?"

Her eyes go wide, as you look over the crowd in your backyard.

It looks like T.T. is back up. His daughters are fluttering around him concernedly.

Einz is hugging Kelly.

"Hell no," Harriet tells you with a grin, "are we gonna do it? We've got two wizards and a witch, you, something like six or seven magical girls, and a fuckin' rat. And whatever the hell your wife is."

"He's my brother," you tell her, then realize what you might be agreeing to.

>Ok, let's assault Hell
>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
>WRITE IN
>>
In before this starts playing when we finally assault the big kahuna itself: https://youtu.be/EytSP67tg_0

...Titans may or may not be involved, depending on how we go about things.
>>
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>>2655585
>Ok, let's assault Hell
>>
>>2655585
>>Ok, let's assault Hell
Do it!
>>
>>2655585
>>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque

Remember when we spoke about not doing stupid things while drunk? this is the best time to put that advice to work.
>>
>>2655585
>>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
I want a clear brain when assaulting the underworld thank you very much.
>>
>>2655585
>As i said, not tonight.
>I'm going to need more ammo anyway.
>>Maybe even a bigger gun.
>>
>>2655609
18:29 - 18:39 Voting period.

You know the dryl.

Actually, I hope you don't know the 'dryl. That shit is something.

>>2655585
Shoulda been "He's my brother, and she's my wife".
>>
>>2655585
>>2655624
And I want a fucking plasma rifle. We need something for AP after all.
>>
>>2655585
Barbecue. I swear the DM is trying to bait us straight into hell while we're drunk as a skunk.
>>
>>2655585
>>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
>>
>>2655638
Then we'll get both a clear head and a plasma rifle for christmas in july.

>>2655643
Of course he is. It's the funny but will fucking kill us all choice.
>>
>>2655585
No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
>>
>>2655484
>So, Harriet, you ever seen someone try to assault Hell?
>We're definitely in a timeline you haven't seen, aren't we, Harriet?
>>
>>2655585
>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
Maybe when we're more sober, yeah?
>>
>>2655585
> No, let's just keep this a family barbeque
>We still have preparation to do; getting you girls powered up, and myself some more fancy firearms.
>>
>>2655585
>let's assault hell
>>
>>2655585
>>No, let's jus' keep thish a familhy barbeque
>>Cause when we go...I wanna-wanna BIGGER gun. THE BIGGEST. If-it's gonna be fuckin' crazy.
>>
>>2655585
>No lets just keep this a family barbecue
>But it is totally a possibility once we all sober up and we have some time to analyze the contracts and what not
>Plus my in-laws might think it is rude if I go and die before visiting them next week.
>>
>>2655633
>Actually, I hope you don't know the 'dryl. That shit is something.

Yeah, it really is. Rats everywhere, and insects crawling under my eyelids.
>>
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>>2655585
"Ok," you tell Harriet, "Thish is a family barbeque, not a beachhead for invading Hell itself."

"Oh," she says, with a look there's no hope of misinterpreting, "I thought you were going to fuck this timestream?"

"I'm a married man," you tell her, "and I'm not ready to take on Hell."

"Bitch," she calls you, and turns back to the bar, "Shelby," she tell the redhead behind the bar, "give me another afterburner. I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to forget this loop."

"Look," you tell the girl, grabbing her by the shoulder, "I'm not going to invade Hell itself while I'm drunk. And while everyone else is. That's a fucking terrible idea - and I don't want to drag everyone here in with me while I don't have a clear head."

"You do know that crossing that barrier is a lot easier when you're slammed?" Harriet asks you, "I was ready to back up an invasion, but you had to bitch out," she tells you, slamming down a flaming shot, "suck my cock."

Shelby shrugs his shoulders at you like he's seen this sort of thing a thousand times before.

"I've got a lot of business to do," you tell her, "analyzing those contracts for one, and scraping people off my lawn for two," you finish.

"And I want a bigger gun before I go into Hell," you say, "and I'd like to be sober when I do it."

"Suit yourself," Harriet tells you, lounging against the 'bar' Shelby's set up, "the offer to suck my dick is still open."

Is that actually something magical girls can do?

Or is she just drunk?

"Gimme another drink, barkeep," Harriet says.

>Go talk to [WRITE IN]
>Cut her off, Shelby
>Oh, you can suck mine
>Fine, I'll suck your dick. Not gonna answer for what my wife thinks about that, though.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2655643
>>2655643
>In hell sloshed as fuck
>Along with several inebriated state of mages, wizard and magical girls and their wives.
>Except Edward because he is cool
>As we step the portal to hell
>SISTER WE COME TO RESCUE YOU
>she is still in the same age as we saw her enough to be passed as Melon big sister
>TFW our sister regressed from childhood from too much fighting and PTSD he forgot that we are his Younger brother and started calling us onii-chan
>And oh the rat is dead that is why she is like this
>>
>>2655790
>>Oh, you can suck mine
>Cut her off, Shelby
>>
>>2655790
>Go talk to [WRITE IN]
Who haven't we talked to yet? Mary, I think..
>>
>>2655798
19:17 - 19:17 Voting period.

>>2655762
>Yeah, it really is.
I really do not want to see THE SHADOW SURGEONS ever again.
>>
>>2655790
>>Go talk to [Marion]
Ooooh, you got called out cowards!
>>
>>2655790
>Cut her off, Shelby
>Go talk to [MARY OR DAUGHTERU]
>>
>>2655790
"overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer"
>>
>>2655790
>Oh, you can suck mine
I swear to God guys she is 42 years old
>>
>>2655790
>Go talk to Kelly
GUNS GUNS GUNS
>>
>>2655810
Should have been 19:17 to 19:27, sorry about that.
>>
>>2655790
>Fine, I'll suck your dick. Not gonna answer for what my wife thinks about that, though.
>>
Don't forget that megucas are always suffering
>>
>>2655790
>Oh, you can suck mine
>>
>>2655790
>Cut her off, Shelby
>Oh, you can suck mine
>>
>>2655790
>Cut her off, She'll by
>Oh, you can suck mine
>>2655810
>19:17 - 19:17
QM I think you're drunk
>>
>>2655790
>>Cut her off, Shelby
>>
>>2655852
High doses of Benadryl are known to cause extremely disturbing audio hallucinations along with the possibility of vivid tactile and visual hallucinations. Especially closed eyed visual hallucinations. The fun part, they are always terrifying and of a profoundly horror-movie nature. There is no such thing as a good trip involving benadryl due to the nature of how the high level effects the brain. So shadow surgeons, bugs on your skin or under your eyes, people whispering your name right next to your bed as you try to sleep, or going "hey" as you try to fall asleep. People that aren't there talking to you, doors that dont exist opening in your wall, something touching you. Worst part is it is effective for 12 hours and takes a long time for the hallucinations to set in, so if you take a bunch expecting to get high, it aaalways kicks in juusst about as the sun is setting.

Btw all of those things are reported hallucinations of people that tried it. Mind you it takes like half a bottle of generic caps to hit the doseage, like 60 capsules. It's crazy and doesn't really happen unintentionally.
>>
>>2655790
>fine, I'll suck your dick
Can we say it sarcastically, but have her take it seriously?
>>
>>2655852
>>2655877
Oh, you were referring to the vote time...I thought.. never mind. My reading comprehension is shit and I am sober.
>>
>>2655790
>Go talk to Marion
No sucking shall occur!
>>
>>2655790
>First suck my dick, THEN suck my wife's dick which is probably bigger than yours but not mine, THEN grow up, learn to plan, and when we fuck over hell the demons can suck YOUR dick.
>>
I have noticed a trend in a lot of quests where the players want to plan out a general approach to a task, and it seems like the QMs just want them to kick the door down and go balls in even when it makes negative sense. Hell, even when we started (by what I read) we didn't just fly off the handle very much, we planned even if only somewhat, and then made them eat shit with us knowing how to work the issue.
>>
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>>2655790
"Oh," you tell the girl, "you can suck mine. Bro - cut her off."

Shelby nods at you.

"You might be forty-fucking-five years old or something," you tell Harriet, "but I'm not playing that game. I'm a married man and all, ya know? And you should know better than to try getting slammed at your biological age."

"You..." Harriet says, and then slumps onto the lawn.

You realize all too quickly that she's joining a pretty large faction. Your lawn is absolutely littered with wizards, magical girls, and the indigestible pieces of that rat that showed up earlier.

Fuck.

The homeowner's association is going to have something to say about this, aren't they?

Cocksuckers.

You walk over toward Mary, and Melon. They seem to be a lot more sober than most of your guests.

...by which you mean "they're not on the ground".

>Having fun yet?
>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>So, Mary, you see what you signed up for?
>Yah havin' goohd timhe tonigh' eh?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2655929
>...Melon, sweetie, I love you. You-you should know that. ALWAYS know that. That's why this-alla this- this big thing is happening. I'd do it again, too.

Mary. Mary. Mary. Can you clean this up? Please. Not like- not like everything just...help me get everyone on...not the floor. Or at least blankets. Blankets are good. I think we got spares...somewhere.
>>
>>2655929
>>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>>
>>2655929
>Having fun yet?
>>
>>2655929
Vomit on mary
Rolling for amount
>>
Since we need good lawyers and the demons are the second largest group getting fucked over by the rats, how does anybody feel about getting satan to help us out? He's hell's #1 lawyer, and probably hates the rats as much as we do, considering magical girl's source of power.

>>2655929
>Having fun yet?
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>2655929
>Having fun yet?
>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>>2655947
I'll roll for you bruh
>>
>>2655929
>>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)

Drinking in regular amounts, is fine.
Drinking enough amounts to replace your blood is NOT FINE.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>2655947
Fuck, let's try that again
>>
>>2655929
>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>>
>>2655929
>So, Mary, you see what you signed up for?
And supporting >>2655940
>>
>>2655929
>>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests). Or at least up to that level. its way more fun to see them on the ground and being able to remember it.
>>
>>2655940
19:48 - 19:58 Voting period and such.

>>2655877
>extremely disturbing audio hallucinations
The silver lining is that you hear things you've never heard in songs before. Things that might not even be there.

Of course, playing any songs is awful, since your short term memory wipes itself every twenty seconds. Sometimes while you're halfway through setting up a playlist.

You know the 'dryl.
>>
>>2655929
Supporting this. >>2655940
>>
>>2655929
>>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>At least until you get you mother racial alcohol and drug resistance.

Kitsune being the hedonists they are stupidly resistant to alcohol.
>>
>>2655929
>Melon, Mary, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking in excess (gesture at the fallen guests).
Also, start drinking water, you'll thank me later.
But are you >Having fun yet?
Does marching through a hell gate sound like a good idea? You can get back to me on that.
>If the assassin is still coherent see if he has a good contact for boom-sticks, and ammunition. If not then his son might know, so ask.

>>2655877
That's all stuff that I get happening off and on. Are there any lifestyle choices that cause it?
>>
>>2655974
Remember the "expenses" the missus put under "makeup" a few years back? Yeah.

At least we're sure we have 3 people who won't be utterly smashed when this is over.
>>
>>2655929
>>Having fun yet?
>>Melon, THAT'S why I don't want you drinking (gesture at the fallen guests)
>>
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>>2655929
"Melon," you say, "that's why I don't want you drinking too much," you say, gesturing at the fallen guests.

"Although if you inherited your mother's liver," Liska says, walking up, "you'll be fineeeee."

Oh god, she's fucked up. And you know, from experience, that that takes a LOT of alcohol.

"Be glad I'm not Korean," you wife says, putting an arm around you, "or I'd have taken your liver to supplement mine."

And then she starts with that barking laugh.

That's, uh, why you married her, right?

"Get some water," you tell her, "you'll thank me in the morning."

"Yeah, dear," she says, "and I'm sure they'd thank you too," she tells you, gesturing broadly at the other wives, who are slumped over a table, and the magical girls strewn across the backyard.

"I won that drinking contest," she says, proudly, "Alice can't take it, and Iris just thinks she can!"

"This is exactly why I don't want you drinking too much," you tell Melon. Mary's just staring, with those eyes that have universes inside them.

"Alright," you ask, "who wants to help me clean up?"

>After the cleanup, you find yourself talking to [WRITE IN]
>>
>>2656073
>After the cleanup, you find yourself talking to the Pizza in the bathroom mirror-WHATTHEFUCK?
>>
>>2656073
Kelly. We need to gather supplies and weapons for the invasion of hell. And he'd probably knows has the best sources.
>>
>>2656073
backing this dude >>2656082
>>
>>2656081
20:14 - 20:24 Voting period.

...and I swear it's been months since I touched diphenhydramine. But once you touch something, you can't untouch it, can you?

Here's a theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxUATkpMQ8A
>>
>>2656073
i agree with >>2656082
>>
>>2656073
Supporting >>2656082, if he's still up that is.
>>
>>2656008
You might want to get checked for a possible form of schizophrenia. Besides a few kinds of brain damage or certain molds/industrial chemical stuff I can't think of it. Give more info, could be a night-terror/sleep paralysis disorder too. Along with wakeful dreaming. Also alcohol withdrawal can cause vivid closed eye visuals. I know occasionally I would hear stuff that didnt happen as I wake up suddenly, like someone call my name. But that is a combo of sleep apnea or something waking me from a dream and my brain not processing it or misprocessing a sound as I wake up.

If your body locks up and then you get the sensations of weird stuff as you sleep, especially on your back, look into sleep paralysis.

Schizophrenia appears much more vividly usually and is almost always set in between 21-30 usually showing up at 22yrs old. Comes with a slew of side-problems depending on the version and intensity of disorder.

Then there are just the typical brain glitches that happen with being human. aka Hair blowing on your arm "OMG A BUG". Curtain and lights outside make a funny shape in the dark "OMG A PERSON". Gotta remember your eyes ability to focus on detail composes only roughly 2% of your field of vision because of where the location of your cone cells are in your eyes. The rod cells are what activate in the dark and are much less accurate, also you will see a solid black dot floating in your vision when night-vision is really active, that is because that is the part of your eyes with no rod cells.

So like I said, more info might help but professionals can give you a better idea if it is serious.
>>
>>2656073
Supporting >>2656082
>>
>>2656073
>>2656082
Yeah that seems to be the best route.

I say we create a stable portal and just occasionally shake it to drop a demon into a magical blender and flip the switch. That way we keep an easy and simple source of demon-juice instead of a sudden burst.
>>
>>2656082
And I guess I'll vote for this too.
>>
>>2656008
>That's all stuff that I get happening off and on. Are there any lifestyle choices that cause it?
Alcohol withdrawal is the big one. If you're not on something, or just getting off something, SEE A SHRINK. They're not actually all demons, despite what this quest says.

No, actually, go try it. Really.

>>2656101
This guy knows. Do you hear whispers in the air conditioner too?
>>
>>2656073
Cleaning things up is hell.

It's like a nightmare striding out of your college days. Gathering drunk girls off your lawn.

T.T. is no help - he's more fucked than any of them.

Mary and Melon are definitely the most valuable players here, pulling people into your house and onto your couches. Shelby does good work too.

Makes sense that he'd be used to working with drunks.

And it's not just the drunks - it's the trash. All of the crap strewn across your lawn. Paper, plastic, the whole nine yards.

Finally, once you've cleared the backyard, you find yourself face-to-face with Kelly Edwards.

"Glad you were able to take care of my wife, and my daughter," he tells you, "I guess we're going home in the morning. Didn't figure this 'family barbeque' would become a TURN UP like this."

"You and me both," you tell him, settling into one of the porch chairs, "I'm looking for weapons - you know a guy?"

"I know a hell of a lot of guys," he tells, sitting on another chair, "what do you need? AP sabot rounds? HEAT bullshit in a shotshell? Drones? Flamethrower rounds?"

"I know a guy," he tells you, with a weak smile, and a cough.

"I know a lot of guys," he says, still coughing.

>I want AP
>Waits, drones?
>I want HEAT
>Ok, how'd you get that cough?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656254
>>I want HEAT
>I want AP

There is no overkill. There is only 'Open Fire' and 'I need to reload.'

Also
>Ok, how'd you get that cough?

Because family takes care of family.
>>
>>2656254
>I want AP
>I want HEAT
>And a Kevlar vest. I figure there's some kind of magic able to make it take a tank round and hold together.
>>
>>2656263
20:47 - 20:57 Voting period.

And DO NOT make the life choices I have.
>>
>>2656254
>>Waits, drones?
>>
>>2656254
>>I want AP
>>I want HEAT
I want all of the things!

>>Wait, drones?
"Are we talkin' those quadra-copter things or all-up UAVs?"
Because if we only use them in Hell, the cops'll never know, right?

>>Ok, how'd you get that cough?
We've put it off long enough.
>>
>>2656254
>I'm going after the assholes in hell, I need to know the cost of the good stuff. Blessed AP, HEAT, The old metal from back when Babal was around. HVT's here.
>>
>>2656254
>I want AP
>I want HEAT
>I want body armor
>>
>>2656254
>>2656298
Going with this. Because yeah, we want everything and can use everything in hell.
>>
>>2656254
>I want AP
>I want HEAT
>Ok, how'd you get that cough?
Shit's worrying me
>>
>>2656306
>I want body armor
Supporting this as well
>>
>>2656101
>>2656147
I hit the same spot on my head every school day for most of a winter as a child. They required a change of footwear from boots, and the only comfortable spot to sit had a hand rail over me. I just wore my runners when going to school from then on regardless of weather.
That said, it cropped up later, before I drank AT ALL besides tasting beer once, but booze and my SO smooth out that and most other problems I have. It's just annoying compared to certain other things anyway, and for some reason the shrinks have trouble comprehending anything past depression. I'm getting help, the only thing I'm really worried about is getting a job right now, because there's no jobs in my field at my level in the area of my city.
On the plus side, I can actually get assistive funding for what I HAVE been diagnosed with. So don't you guys worry too much about me.

>>2656254
>I want AP
HEAT if it's affordable too, but that's some heavy duty death dealing, and probably expensive.
Also consider an upgrade in shotgun, and maybe a sidearm so we won't need to reload when we need to be shooting.
>>
>>2656306
Fuck! I forgot about the armour thing, I'm sorry I got distracted by the pretty shiny drones.
>>
>>2656322
>maybe a sidearm so we won't need to reload when we need to be shooting.
I bring back the suggestion of leg-holsters with sawed-offs, if y'all think we're a bad enough dude.
>>
>>2655790
>Cut her off, Shelby

> See, yhis sort of thing is why you're even in this mess in the first place. Look at how much I hurt you with just a couple of words.

> And you can't do shit about it, because you're at my house and you're a minor. Best you can do is drag me down with you, and I bet you've had that happen in enough loops alr3ady.

> 30 fucking repeats, and all I've done is take 30 seconds to think shit through and an old man with a boring job and a shotgun, without any of your fancy bullshit, is already getting shit done.

> Don't get into a dick swinging contest with me kiddo, you'll get ypur head blown off. Just ask my wife.
>>
>>2656343
Wow I am late. Was watching the first CFL game with my Dad for fathers day though so fuck all yall.
>>
>>2656333
A sidearm is a good idea. I'm thinking two should do just in case we need to pull out a third gun if we lose the second.
>>
>>2656254
> I want a gauss rifle, but I'l take HE/AP on the side

Hey QM? We're going into Hell - is there any chance of finding a set of PRAETOR armor while we're there? Iunno if the franchise crosstalk is too much for you, but I'd really like a set.
>>
>>2656254
> What fucks up magical creatures the most?

> Might as well get a little bit of everything, bullet wise. Shit, can you ecen get .22LR? It's always sold out.

> Mostly I want armor. Something I can move in, something that I can ideally put some magic bullshit into. I feel like a lot of things it wpuld be better to just not get hit with since I found out a noodle armed teenage girl can double my max on the bench.
>>
>>2656357
I'd be okay with it being on a nat100 or something like that, but we've already got the second-or-third-most iconic weapon from a certain unnamed demon-killing franchise, seems right to pick up the rest.
>>
>>2656365
Man I can go for a Orange Transparent Chainsaw.
>>
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>>2656322
> When HEAT is too expensive

See shit like this is why Shotguns are great utility weapons.
>>
>>2656254
For reference is this the wifes laugh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTS0A-ZN3os
>>
>>2656371
Yeah, but those rounds have got fuck-all for AP capability. Great for demon-hair removal surgery, not so great against armor plate.
>>
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>>2656365
Since this is narrative heavy, people should remember that it's pkay to go for thematic choices rather than trying to min-max numbers.

Also we should look into grenades. We can even call out magical attack names when we throw them!

> PRETTY SHRAPNEL SPRAY!

> HOT PEPPER IN THE BOX

> EXPLOOOOOOOOSION!

> ABRA-KA-BLAM
>>
>>2656376
> https://www.ammunitiondepot.com/1233-precision-gun-works-12-ga-armor-piercing.html

We could also steal holy relics, and cram them into shells to fire into demons as sort of a holy buckshot.

But that's the thing. Buckshot for fast/flying Demons. AP rounds for the heavies. Napalm rounds for non-demonic targets. Breaching rounds

> https://www.theboxotruth.com/the-box-o-truth-25-breaching-rounds/

For magically locked doors - ricochet are dangerous, these don't have that problem.

Since demons are also possibly large, too, you can alternate rounds to break armor/melt flesh as well.
>>
>>2656350
>Was watching the first CFL game with my Dad for fathers day though so fuck all yall.
Hell fucking yeah. Who played? You're one of them filthy Argos fans aren't you?

>>2656370
>Man I can go for a Orange Transparent Chainsaw.
Is there an ice level in Hell?
>>
>>2656402
Yes, it's called the deepest circle of hell. It's Reserved for Betrayers.
>>
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>>2656254
"I want it all," you tell him, "I want it all. I want it all, and I want it now."

You could swear you got a backup chorus on that.

Freebles is still on the job.

"It ain't much I'm asking," you tell Kelly, "AP sabot rounds, as much HEAT as your guy can pack in a shotgun shell, and - wait, did you say drones? Are you talking quad-copters or?"

"Straight up Preds," Kelly tells you with a smile, "when I say I know a guy, I KNOW A GUY - and that's the truth. Here's to the future, to the cry of youth!"

That's the scariest grin you've seen on anyone's face in the past 48 hours, and that's saying a lot.

Considering you've been hanging out with magical girls. DRUNK magical girls.

"Body armor?" you ask him, fairly sure what his answer's gonna be.

"With fuckin' trauma plates," he tells you, exceeding your expectations, "I'm a man with a one-track mind. I'm livin' it all, and I'm givin; it all."

>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
>Become my brother
>How much is that gonna run me?
>How'd you get that cough?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656412
>>How much is that gonna run me?
>>
>>2656412
>How much is that gonna run me?
>How'd you get that cough?
>>
>>2656412
>How much is that gonna run me?
>How'd you get that cough?
>>
>>2656380
> HOT PEPPER IN THE BOX
> ABRA-KA-BLAM
My fucking sides. Dear god.

...The hot pepper in the 'box' seems like something Sue might be into.

>>2656395
I specifially meant that skimping out on HEAT for flame rounds would do jack shit against the more armored demons we are guaranteed to face.
>>
>>2656412
>>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
>>
>>2656395
> We could fire holy relics
Man oh man have I got a gun for you. It's called a blunderbuss, and this is right up its alley.
>>
>>2656412
>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
To hell and back.
>>
>>2656402
Ti-cats and Stamps.
>>
>>2656412
>How much is that gonna run me?
>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
>>
>>2656433
What exactly do you think the significant difference between a blunderbuss and a shotgun is?

It's like I was talking abput building a Trebuchet and here you are trying to get me to buy a catapult.

Mist holy relics are things like the bones of saints and whatnot. You know they were saints too, because normal people don't have 20 sets of each finger.
>>
>>2656412
>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
> How much is this gonna run me?
> Is any of the cost a deductible if you purchase it?
>>
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>>2656412
>PEACH TREE OAAATH

Sorry, just a little excited that one of the things I predicted is possibly coming true.
>>
>>2656412
>>How much is that gonna run me?
>>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go

>>2656440
Nice!

>>2656455
>they killed his rabbit
BROTHER, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
>>
>>2656448
> Most significant difference
Bore diameter. Shotgun is great for when you're just ramming a knuckle bone down the barrel.

You bring out the blunderbuss when you need to embed a consecrated crucifix into the back of a demon's skull via the forehead. Or when you need to clear a room with sacred candlestick grapeshot.

>>2656455
See, this guy gets it.
>>
>>2656455
Be proud Anon. Your dreams may come true.
>>
>>2656412
Not sure what a Peach tree oath is, but i'm down with this >>2656451.
>>
>>2656412
>How much is that gonna run me?
>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go

YES! We're going to become DOOM Dad!
>>
>>2656412
>>Peach tree oath - grab T.T., and let's go
If they accept
>How'd you get that cough?
If he is willing to tell us
>>
>>2656408
Judecca, was it?
Name courtesy of Christ's betrayer.
>>
>>2656412
> what about power armor?

I mean if Freebles can enchant some buckshot, we should be able to do the same with pic related.

We might be able to steal something better that isn't released to the public later, as well. Maybe Bernie has a corporate rival or such that has their fingers in a pie.
>>
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>>2656412
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFDcoX7s6rE

"How much," you ask, you accounting instincts coming to the forefront, "is that gonna run run me?"

"An arm and a leg," Kelly Edwards tells you, "it ain't much I'm askin' - if you want the truth!," he yells to an absent audience, "if you're gonna use it to get our daughters out," he tells you, his eyes going narrow, "or to a brother - nothing at all."

"Listen all you people," you tell him. He's not the only one that knows Queen, "come gather roun'. Gotta get a game plan - kill the rats!"

"Fuck," T.T. says, somehow crawling up to you - didn't you put him on the couch? "gotta find me a future - move outta my way."

Ok, you're not the only one that knows Queen.

"Are we givin' it all?" you ask the other two dads.

"We comes here with different surnames," Edwards begins.

"And I'll make it a condition that he," T.T. says, glancing at the assassin, "not take any contracts on us as long as this alliance lasts."

"Then," Kelly Edwards says, raising his glass, "here's to the future - to the cry of youth!"

"And we leave as brothers!" you say, raising your glass as well.

"I WANT IT ALL!" the three of you yell, "I WANT IT ALL! I WANT IT ALL, AND I WANT IT NOW!"

>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?
>So, T.T., you realize your daughter decided to get into this mess because you fucked up?
>Dad beers
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656536
>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?
>Dad beers
>DAD BEERS
>>
>>2656543
> The one true option
>>
>>2656536
>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?
>Dad beers
>DAD BEERS
>>
>>2656536
>Dad Beers
>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?
>>
>>2656536
>Dad beers
It's the only option.
>>
>>2656536
>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?

> I hope DAD BEERS doesn't make it worse.

We should offer to help T.T. with his girls problem, not call him out on fucking up. I mean, we didn't know about Melon until it was too late.
>>
>>2656510
Indeedly so.
I do legitimately wonder if we'll find other underworlds to go to in hell via portals or if it's just one big ass hub like a subway system/city.
>>
>>2656536
>Dad beers
>>
>>2656536
>So how the hell did you get that cough, Kelly?
>Dad beers
>DAD BEERS! DAD BEERS! DAD BEERS!

>>2656560 raises a good point:
>We should offer to help T.T. with his girls problem, not call him out on fucking up. I mean, we didn't know about Melon until it was too late.
Not wanting to micromanage here, but maybe getting ALL of the girls to hang out together might eventually wear down the resentment. But that might be wishful thinking on my part. We could probably casually ask him "hey what's up with your daughters, they don't seem to get along." Be concerned, not caustic.
>>
>>2656536
"We've scraped everyone off the lawn," you tell the other two fathers, "so I'd say it's time for Dad Beers."

"I'll drink to that," Kelly says with a smile, as T.T. drags himself into a chair.

"Seems like the girls had fun, at least," the wizard tells you.

"If by 'fun' you mean 'got blasted out of their minds'," Edwards says, "I should have known Iris would go for something like that, but I didn't think your wife would start it," he says with a cough, looking at you.

"That's," you tell him, and then wonder what to follow it up with, "a family thing. You know they honor the fox spirits with sake, over across the pond, right?"

The assassin laughs until he coughs.

"Holy shit," he says, once he's recovered enough, "you landed one of them?"

"Somehow," you tell him, "still not sure why she decided to stick with me."

"None of us ever are," T.T. says, taking a sip of beer, "the real mystery of women is why they ever end up with men."

"True," Kelly says, "although I think I've got the two of you beat. I iced my wife's whole family, and she's still with me."

He - wait. That's what Einz told you earlier, wasn't it?

"So that's how that job ended for you?" T.T. says, "she's worth it, even if you did get that cough."

"They didn't bother telling me there'd be demons involved," Kelly says, "that whole thing -"

And T.T. interrupts him with "was seven kinds of fucked, right?"

"Yeah," the assassin says, taking another pull at his beer, "you could definitely say that."

>Collapse
>When do I get my AP/HEAT rounds?
>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing
>Let's sleep it off - our wives have the right idea on this one
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656662
>>Let's sleep it off - our wives have the right idea on this one
>>
>>2656662
>>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing

It's not like it's some stupid battle royale thing with seven spooky people and seven nutjobs, right?
>>
>>2656662
>WRITE IN

So . . . What kinds of Demons are there then? Do I have to worry about getting infected or anything?
>>
>>2656662
>>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing
>>
>>2656677
i need this cause thats hilarious.
>>
>>2656662
>>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing
>>Let's sleep it off - our wives have the right idea on this one
>>
>>2656662
>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing
>>
>>2656662
>I've got to hear more about this Japan thing
>god damn we got lucky with our wives and kids.
>>
>>2656662
>>2656677
>>2656696
I gotta support this, only because it is probably spot on given the char art.
Also
>>2656680
If you got room for it Haiku
>>
>>2656677
Fuck me, I JUST got this thanks to >>2656729
>>
>>2656744
It could be worse.

It could be a 7 vs 7 spooky and nutjob team battle royale, with NAZIS.
>>
>>2656769
It's even worse when you realize the reason Kiritsugu's family was killed, as in his father and them, was because he was essentially doing research on vampires and vampirism which is a big no-no in the FATE universe for mages and Edwards has stated before "Never get involved with vampires."
>>
>>2656662
"Alright," you says, taking another swig of beer, "I've just got to ask - what the fuck happened in Japan?"

Both the other dads blanch a little.

"I'm feeling a little left out," you say, "and as your brother, I'd like to know what went down. It wasn't some battle royale thing with seven spooky people and seven nutjobs or something, right?"

They go white.

Actually white.

The blood seems to drain from their faces as you watch.

T.T. speaks up first "how the fuck did you fucking know?" he asks, slurring his words a little, "that's a secret ritual."

"Oh," Kelly says, taking a drag on his cigarette, "you KNOW that guy sucked cock."

...you get a feeling like you're way out of your depth and drowning in deep water.

"And I'm pretty sure yours was batting for your team," T.T. tells the assassin, "definitely a lesbian."

"Alright," Kelly tells you, gesturing with his cigarette, "we... competed in this crazy thing in Japan, about ten years ago. Everyone summoned a demon, or a soul from Hell - that's basically the same thing, once they've been there long enough. Fought it out, Battle Royale style. Hey T.T.," he asks, "you know if that kid made it back home?"

"Fuck me if I know," the wizard says, "I was just happy to make it out with my own skin intact. Wait," he says, an odd light in his eyes, "you mean that blonde bitch didn't win it for you?"

"There was nothing to win," Edwards says, "it was a fix - the whole damn thing was a ritual to open a portal from Hell to earth, too big to shut. I shot her myself."

>Could you describe the blonde?
>'That kid'?
>Collapse
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656815
>Could you describe the blonde?
>'That kid'?
>>
>>2656815
>Could you describe the blonde?
>>
>>2656815
>>Could you describe the blonde?
>>
>>2656815
>The HGW is a fucking demon ritual in this universe
well fucking shit, anyways:
>'That kid'?
>>
>>2656815
>>Could you describe the blonde?
>>'That kid'?
>Just want to make sure I am not related to either of them by marriage
Blonde bitch could be our sister or an in-law, 'that kid' was described as male so I think we are okay on that not being sister.
>>
>>2656815
>>Could you describe the blonde?
>>'That kid'?
>>
>>2656815
>>Could you describe the blonde?
>>'That kid'?

>"that's a secret ritual"
>probably destroyed half the city
Totally deniable.

>>2656825
>The HGW is a fucking demon ritual in this universe
Shit man, the fucking HG itself in THAT universe could be some sort Call of Cthulhu artifact FFS.
>>
>>2656833
The HG what? I feel like I'm missing out on a half-decent anime to watch.
>>
>>2656815
>Collapse

Okay. Seriously getting a little to fanficcy for me here. Fate Shit Night is barely one step above Ero Manga Sensei as it is.
>>
>>2656860
At this point it's more fate/zero than night though
>>
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>>2656815
"Could you," you ask, a terrible suspicion taking shape in you mind, "describe the blonde?"

"A fucking nightmare," T.T. tells you, "she could take anything, anyone, apart as easy as just looking at it. Or them."

"Psycho," Kelly tells you, "I could barely control her. Spoke to her something like three times - just to give her orders. She wanted to eat, and, uh, I might be the worst person to say this..."

"Oh," T.T. says, "go the fuck on. I am dying to hear this."

"It was... messy," the assassin says, lamely, "she just, you know, I'd prefer to not talk about it. That's part of the reason I killed my way through Iris' family. They put me up to calling something like that into this world."

"What did she look like?" you ask, the suspicion rooting itself deeper.

...And then Kelly Edwards gives you an almost exact description of your sister.

>Fucking go off on him - he said he shot her
>That sounds pretty fucked - how much of the city was left afterwards?
>You said something about a kid?
>Collapse
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2656853
Holy Grail War
>>
>>2656826
>'that kid' was described as male so I think we are okay on that not being sister.

Scary possibility: 'That kid' was the teenage us summoned as Berserker in green armor (Doomguy).

Possible timeline:

1. Sister enters hell.
2. We follow with dad's shotgun.
3. Fight through hell for 20+ wonky years because of Hell's fucked time.
4. Sis and Self get summoned for HGW
5. Catch future wife's
6. HGW actually grants a wish. Sis wins and wishes for us to return home and forget the war.
7. Past changes so that we never entered hell.
8. Time flows with same basic

>>2656853
Holy Grail War. The characters are FATE references.

>>2656860
Far to late. This pretty much started as a Madoka parody.

>>2656868
>You said something about a kid?
>>
>>2656853
No.

You aren't.

Unless you really have a rule 63 fetish and don't give a shit about plot.

Saber a shit and the only good part about the series is Kairi Sisigou and even then it's mostly because he recognized how bullshit the set up is.

It's a shit taste series based on a battle game that blatantly appeals to fetishes for 90% of its appeal and Kairi Sisigou is the other 10%.
>>
>>2656868
Well shit our sister is around but is literally the demons.
>That sounds pretty fucked - how much of the city was left afterwards?
>>
>>2656868
>That sounds pretty fucked - how much of the city was left afterwards?
>You said something about a kid?
>>
>>2656876
Yeah but Madoka was a decent deconstruction, even if it went full Evangelion when they tried to extend the series for a cash grab.

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7B7W-d-Zp-k

In exchange for pointing out your garbage taste have this, Magical Witch Punie-Chan
>>
>>2656868
>You said something about a kid?
>>
>>2656868
>That sounds pretty fucked - how much of the city was left afterwards?
>Just get a thousand yard stare
>>
>>2656868
>>Collapse
>>2656868
>>
>>2656868
>WRITE IN

Just point out that's a spot on comparison to your sister.
>>
>>2656868
>...Fuck.
>>
>>2656853
Fate Zero and Fate Stay Night are the two main ones, there is also Fate Stay Night Unlimited Bladeworks, better animation and follows the anime equivalent of T.T.s kid. Kelly Edwards uses the art and seems based of Kiritsugu Emiya, Shelby is based off of Shirou Emiya, his wife is Irisveil von Einzbern, Einz is Illyasveil von Einzbern, T.T. is Something Tohsaka, Rachel is Rin Tohsaka, and the purple haired daughter is Worm-Slut, don't remember her name but she gets ransomed to someone Sakura maybe? Technically Tohsaka but she gets sold off to the Mato's which would be her maternal grandfather who wants to forcibly shoves magical worms into her body to make her into a mini-super mage to win the Holy Grail which is actually a magically created fake that is supposed to be able to grant any wish, including getting closer to understanding the root of all magecraft (different from true magic).

Mages basically summon dead heroes to fight alongside them.
>>
>>2656892
Also this.
>>
>>2656901
I see, sounds like there is too many versions to really get into it.
>>
>>2656901
but wasn't heavens feel the third sorcery? i'm pretty sure all 5 sorceries were true magic right? since true magic is magic that no matter what is impossible to replicate with science.
>>
>>2656868
>Write in: thousand yard stare
>You said something about a kid?
>>
>>2656868
>WRITE IN: Now equally pale and grim-faced, "You said you shot her?"
>That sounds pretty fucked - how much of the city was left afterwards?
>>
>>2656917
Not really, Fate Zero is the prequel, Stay night was the first one, Unl. BW was Stay Night but from the view of T.T. kid instead of Kelly's. All three are basically different stories, I recommend Zero for the first time. Or just watch the abridged versions on youtube that are incomplete. Prisma Illya is basically an alternate universe where Illya becomes a magical girl. It is a huge and complicated series. It was based off of video games/visual novel games that the writer basically got heavy-handed into turning into verge ero-games.
>>
>>2656868
>Considering the situation, I will forgive you for probably shooting my sister.
>You said something about a kid?
>>
>>2656901
It's Sakura Matou but Worm-Slut is a better nickname for her.

>>2656925
And yes, The Heaven's Feel Ritual was the materialization of the soul. The Third True Magic.

>>2656917
You're better off reading the original VN (Fate/Stay Night)and picking what you please from the rest since they make about as much canonical sense as a cat in a tumbledryer.
>>
>>2656901
TL;DR It's shit.

Don't worry about getting into it because the storyline is terrible, the plot has more holes than a Strigyllian whore, the animation is inconsistent, and it's all based off of video games anyways.

I will never get those hours of my life back. Each time I thought "Finally, it's getting good" and then I was let down.
>>
>>2656917
Fate unlimited blade works is the one I watched.
Pretty good anime.
>>
>>2656947
>>2656960
Sounds like trying to get into the gundam series
>>
>>2656890
Its funny, but Madoka and Fate/Zero were done by the same guy. He also did Kamen Rider Gaim.

I'm also not really a fan of the Fate series. Just generally familiar with it.

>>2656967
Its like trying to get into pretty much any long running meta series.
>>
>>2656868
>That description sounds just like my sister.
>>
>>2656967
At least Gundam has some odd sense of sticking to the rules it makes in a degree or another.
The Fate series likes to say there are rules and then blatantly ignores/breaks those rules to the point where it's just much easier finding a character to waifu and/or husbando and ignore the plot.

Pic related: this is what you'll feel like needing trying to take it even a little bit seriously.
>>
>>2656868
You stare straight through your backyard wall.

And anything else that isn't a thousand yards away.

"So," you ask, "that sounds pretty fucked. How much of the city was left afterwards?"

"There, uh, isn't a city there anymore," Edwards says, his stare about the same length as yours, "which is pretty typical for places where wizards do their business," he finishes, shooting a glance at T.T.

"...Fuck," you say.

That's typical for wizards? No goddamn wonder Mary doesn't trust T.T. as far as she could throw him. And she could probably throw him pretty damn far.

"You said something about a kid," you say, turning over what you should or shouldn't say about your sister.

"Some schoolboy that got in way over his head," Kelly tells you, "not really sure if he made it out. Probably didn't - I only made it by the skin of my teeth, and got this fucking cough to show for it. Better than a T-Shirt," he continues, "right?"

>Yeah, that's a lot better than a T-shirt. More permanent, too.
>That sounds like my sister - did she look ok?
>Collapse
>I think I get the 'meddling in the affairs of wizards' line a lot better than the first time I saw the Lord of the Rings
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657003
>Collapse
>>
>>2657003
>That sounds like my sister - did she look ok?
>I think I get the 'meddling in the affairs of wizards' line a lot better than the first time I saw the Lord of the Rings
>Do you think that the'll try that bullshit again?
>>
>>2657003
>Write-in
Small world, nice to know my sisters doing okay, as okay as a magical girl turned demon can be.
>>
>>2657003
>Yeah, that's a lot better than a T-shirt. More permanent, too.
>That sounds like my sister - what’d you use to end her and her would it take on a magical girl who routinely took on multiple demons at once?
>>
>>2657003
>>2657017
This
>>
>>2657003
Backing this >>2657017
>>
>>2657003
>>2657017
I like this option. It's nice.
>>
>>2657003
this >>2657017
>>
>>2657003
>>2657017
this
>>
>>2657017
Sounds good>>2657003
>>
>>2657017
It's a beautifully human thing for us to say about our now Demon Sister.
>>
>>2657003
This >>2657017
>>
>>2657017
>>2657003
> Soooo . . . Fair warning guys, I might have to become a demon lord in the future. Or kill my sister. I mean I'm pretty new to this and the consensus seems tp be demons = bad news, but and no offense fuck me if it seems some things have been just taken for granted so I'm gonna hold out some hope.

Then the other write in
>>
>>2656977
I mostly am bitter about a friend who made me watch it all the time.

Also his weird obsession with Sabre.
>>
>>2657011
00:06 - whenever I wake up voting period.

Whether or not you guys vote for the MC to collapse, I sure as hell will.
>>
>>2656853
Fate zero is the prequel, but it's the most entertaining (especially for a person getting in1to it for the first time) since it wasn't written by Nasu (the series creator) and the summoned characters actually had somewhat less cardboard personalities.
It's close enough to what our DM described except replace demons with "heroes" which generally tends to be the original meaning of the word pertaining to people that could fuck shit up. There are rulez but absolutely nothing can be bothered to play by them or even make any of the rules fair. (Einenberns on one attempt tried to cheat via summoning Satan himself to get around the "no gods" rule which predictably went horribly wrong.) The japanese autistic obsession behind HIDING MAH POWERLEVEL means you never really see anyone go all out despite it being a battle royale. The writer actually understood the heroes used somewhere between more than the average chunni and less than reading a wikipedia article to know that Medea and Hercules used to be bros.

Carnival Phantasm is the parody and best version.

Fate:Go is the current version (mobile game) being sole where Nasu doesn't give any fucks anymore so it's really just a portable waifu and doujin generator that rule 63s just about anything that was male so that you can dick them better.

Sakura's (purple hair) life is suffering and she gets called a slut (by fans) when her sister's the one that is ready to bang everything that moves so hard that the waifu generator version merged with with a literal goddess of prostitutes. In one route/spinoff she finally snaps (loses faith that her sister and the MC actually gave two shits about her.) and the result not being pretty.is an understatement.

Fate:strange fake: (I hope i remembered the name right) is the battle royale actually being a battle royale while taking place in the US.
You have Gilgamesh, Enkidu, a min/maxed Hercules (because of course Hercules has to somehow become even more overpowered as shit),a horseman of the apocalypse, a shapeshifting jack the ripper,the US government sneaking in on the action, a police station of cops armed to the teeth with magical weapons churned out by Hans Christian Anderson,a tribe of Native Americans that want their land back (setting takes place in the land stolen from em),Richard the Lionheart whom cosplays as King Arthur,gives no fucks about hiding the existence of magic and will actively prove it exists to you on live television.
Basically it's even more of a clusterfuck than normal.
>>
>>2657138
sounds interesting I might give it a go sometime, right now I'm catching up on one piece.
>>
>>2657138
> she gets called a slut (by fans) when her sister's the one that is ready to bang everything that moves so hard that the waifu generator version merged with with a literal goddess of prostitutes
To be fair it's already a running joke/meme to call her a wormslut at this point.
>>
>>2657017
Supportin'
>>
>>2657169
yep yep. Just like how Tsokasa Rin pleasures old men for money. (hohohohohoho) except I really wouldn't be surprised if she did for fun with her anus like an educated prostitute's.
>>
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>>2657193
That's the Tohsaka bloodline for you. It increases the sluttiness by twenty-fold regardless if you've gotten converted into another Magi family.
>>
>>2657220
One of the things about Apocrypha that we never get to see is that Sakura was apparently adopted by the Edelfeldts and they seem to be notably less shitty people to the point that her original family going bankrupt is her one good timeline.
>>
>>2657193
Ohohohohoho intensifies
>>
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>>2657239
That's actually a new thing to me. Then again I overheard most of the servant stuff from a friend who was only in the series for the servant fights and literally nothing else, so it's not a big surprise on that point.
>>
>>2657357
>>2657239
*servant stuff in Apocrypha

I need sleep badly but I can't quit questing.
>>
>>2657003
>>That sounds like my sister - did she look ok?

Just a few more quips, then we can safely collapse.
Though, that kid might be this world's Waver Velvet, who got into Super Really Deep Shit this time with little chance of bailing.

On the subject of the HGW, there's a chance that instead of heroes, the nutjobs instead summoned Demon Lords/Pillars. I'm sure they'd have it "easier" since King Solomon codified the whole "summon a being of far superior strength than you and make it do your laundry" shtick. Summon seven Demon Pillars, stick them into extremely tight containers that vaguely look like humans (or stuff them into actual humans with potential like Big Sis), LET THEM FIGHT, then the winner cannibalizes the losers souls so they can rip open a permanent Hell Gate.

Big Sis was probably possessed by Belphegor or one of the other bigshot demon lords and was summoned into the war.
>>
>>2657003
>That sounds like my sister - did she look ok? Because she jumped into hell 30 years ago, and Liska told me she could still be alive. I have to summon her - even if it's a demon wearing her body like a meat suit, I gotta be the one to kill it. And if it's really her, alive there after all this time... Goddamn it, I gotta get her home.
>>
So the setting is Puella Magica Madoka
Our wife is probably from touhou
The setting is Nasuverse inverted

What op inserted more references in this quest?
>>
>>2657501
He might stand a chance if Dante's fanfiction is canon to the setting. Anyone who was the least bit famous acts way too chill for a person stuck in one of the various circles of hell and Waver's magic liver is probably so shitty that Gilgademon is probably too disgusted at it's low quality to eat it.
>>
>>2657017
This should be our go-to.
>>
>>2657003
>Small world, nice to know my sisters doing okay, as okay as a magical girl turned demon can be.
>How badly did you shoot her?
>>
I kind of want Sue to challenge our wife to a duel.

And have our wife to shift the duel to a marital competition. (Like cooking or some shit)
>>
I'd like some POV shifts. There are several characters that would work well as quest MCs. Shelby, for one. Or his dad.
>>
Sounds like we have some weird psychic link with our sister.
I wonder when it's going to sink in that all of those nightmares we used to have about what's happening to her are real.
>>2657357
Sakura goes tag team wrestling with Luvia (drills)

The Edelfeldt are actually their cousins and Rin/mages (in the main timeline) call them a pack of hyenas which I can only assume means that they go running around hunting ancient magical treasures Indiana Jones style.

>>2657587
I vote for this.
>>
>>2657003
"Small world," you tell them, "nice to know my sister's doing ok."

They turn toward you, shock and horror written all over their faces.

Kelly Edwards' jaw is slack, and T.T. looks like he's going to need another round of hurling in the bushes. And he's going to need it soon.

"You know, as ok as a magical girl turned demon can be," you say.

There's only one way to finish off a statement like that, and Freebles is right there with a cigarette and a lighter.

You take a drag on the cancer stick.

"Sister... Bond of Brotherhood... Wait that means... Oh fuck contracts...." T.T. is muttering to himself like he's broken, "God save us..."

"No fuckin' wonder you're fighting to save your daughter from this," Kelly says, as the smoke drifts past him, "so does that, uh, run in the family?"

"Not as far as I know," you tell him, "I just saw her go in. About thirty years ago."

"So, um, for what it's worth," Kelly tells you, "I shot her gently."


Shot her gently? That's not a real thing, right?

"And I'm pretty sure that just banished her," he continues, "It's really damn hard to put a demon down for good, over here. They just sort of re-form on the other side. And she's had ten years to do it."

"So that's what happens," T.T. says slowly, "if they default. Was she... herself when she went in?"

"Yeah," you say, "she told me to take care of mom and dad, and then she just walked into Hell."

"She must have known she was about to go out," T.T. tells you, "and went the one place where there wouldn't be any collateral damage to speak of. So that's what twenty years looks like."

"Ex-magical girl," Kelly mutters, "that explains a lot, actually. Well, you know what this means?" he asks you.

"I'm not totally sure," you tell him. You're a bit new to this stuff, and it seems like you've stepped straight into the deep end.

...With the sharks. The picked-clean skeleton of a magic rat stares up at you on your lawn.

Freebles is picking his teeth.


Kelly puts his arm across your shoulders.

"...And we leave as brothers, right?" he tells you, "that means she's my sister now."

"And mine," T.T. says, joining what appears to be becoming a group hug.

That's when Mary strolls out.

"Should I ask what's going on?" she says, "or just accept that you're all batting for my team?"

>Of course we're going to bat for you - that's what I've been saying the whole time
>It's a dad thing
>Join the hug - you could probably use one
>Meet your brothers
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657653
>>Join the hug - you could probably use one
>>
>>2657653
>"So, um, for what it's worth," Kelly tells you, "I shot her gently."

Funny guy. You get shot last, Kelly.


>>It's a dad thing

The missus team have that huddled whispering thing going on for them. Let us Dads have this.
>>
>>2657653
>>Join the hug - you could probably use one
>>Meet your brothers
>>
>>2657653
>This is what it looks like when you find another good reason to go to hell.
>>
>>2657656
07:33 - 07:53 Voting period. I'm giving it 20 minutes because I doubt anyone's awake at this hour.

>>2656860
>Okay. Seriously getting a little too fanficcy for me here.
I'd like to think I'm just making some jokes. The part that actually matters to this story is that the MC's sister is apparently a demon eligible for people to summon - everything else is icing.

>>2656996
>Pic related: this is what you'll feel like needing trying to take it even a little bit seriously.
Heroine addiction.

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain, and I doubt anyone thought TYPE-MOON would last twenty years.
>>
>>2657653
>It's a dad thing
>This is what it looks like when you find another good reason to go to hell.
well luckily we know we can make some demons obey us...
>>
This has been bugging me for a while. If wizard powers are liver based then why the fuck do they use alcohol instead of learning how to make other drugs?
I'm kind of surprised that there isn't some wizard or demon that studies biotech companies in order to grow spare livers. Or that none of these wizards realize that livers regenerate so they could just do a partial liver transplant while their squib kids are tiny. I guess they don't keep up with modern technology.
>>
>>2657662
I just don't see how anything good could come out of FSN except maybe the basic general premise, and it was kind of jarring for the MC to "randomly guess" the whole setup.

You were writing it so well that I forgot it was just a fluffy one-shot originally so I was just thrown when that happened.

I'll just start thinking of this quest as like a Gintama style production.
>>
>>2657666
Maybe the alcohol powers their liver, which is why they don't die from it? Booze goes all the way back.

Also it was mentioned earlier that they DO use other drugs.

But this is America!

Also questions aboht biotech and stuff - how do you know it's all of the liver that exists in this reality? Maybe the wizard part sticks out into 5D space which is why they're so tasty to demons because it's like the difference betwern a normal person being a picture representation of a meal vs an actual meal made from food.

Or maybe magic is just bullshit and there are mages whos magic is actually fueled by their frustration with magic being bullshit.

Like in the Belgariad.
>>
>>2657667
I get what you mean, but like our big friend EA's tagline, a quest is for the players by the players.

It's easy to avoid fanfic and just keep the characters as expys, as he did until he used that write in. It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal
>>
>>2657667
I get what you mean, but like our big friend EA's tagline, a quest is for the players by the players.

It's easy to avoid fanfic and just keep the characters as expys, as he did until he used that write in. It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal
>>
>>2657659
Seconding
>>
>>2657666
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_YxauHnpyg#
>>
>>2657666
I thought mage power resides in different organs, it’s just T. T’s family that works like that.
>>
>>2657675
Yeah, whoch is why I just checked out after people appeared into it.

But come on dude. The Nasuverse is like, fanfiction of itself somehow. It's terrible.

But if you guys want to play DBZ tuffle quest redux flash GT 99 then it's not like I can stop you, it's true.

Good thing word of God(tm) here >>2657662 says that isn't what's happening with bringing up FSN.

>>2657081 I mean I left it alone after this post. But if people want to keep talking about it I can criticize the Nasuverse all damn day. I enjoy my hate at this point.

Or we can just move on.
>>
>>2657653
>>Join the hug - you could probably use one
>>2657666
T.T.'s family is liver based, it's the Origin of their magic. Other wizards got other shit that it based in.
>>
>>2657689
Oh I agree. I played Tsukihime and FS/N like three decades ago and I liked it at the time, but all you need to do is read one real book to realize what utter garbage it really is.

But that is the jap way. Accidentally make something popular, run it into the fucking ground and squeeze it for every penny's worth and once it falls out of favor you fill it with waifu pandering bullshit to give nerds boners and let it print money for another decade
>>
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>>2657653
"It's a dad thing," you tell the pink-haired girl, "this is what it looks like when you find another good reason to go to Hell."

"Harriet was drunk as fuck when she made that offer," Mary says, "you shouldn't take it that seriously."

"No, no," T.T. pipes up, "we've actually got really good reasons - our sister's there, for one."

Then his eyes narrow, and he continues with "and your sister, too, if I'm reading that contract right."

Mary steps back in shock, and looks at the wizard as if she'd caught him peeping at her in the shower or something.


Hold on a second. 'Reading that contract'?

You had sworn brotherhood/sisterhood with Mary, but you hadn't realized that had some sort of mystical significance. Although, when you first met him, T.T. had said your marriage to Liska probably counted as a contract with a supernatural creature.

This is how it feels to jump into the deep end, all right.


"Alright," Mary says, regaining her composure, "I guess you're not all gay as Greeks - just 'concerned fathers'. And can you please not do that?" she asks the wizard.

T.T. is rubbing his eyes like he's going blind "oh," he tells her, "I am not doing that to you again. That was like staring into the sun. What the hell are you?"

>I'm pretty sure she's a goddess or something.
>She's our sister - didn't you just say that?
>I've actually been wondering that myself. Care to enlighten us, Mary?
>She's a little girl that needs a hug.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657707
>All I know is, she’s someone that needs a hug. But if you feel like telling us about yourself, Mary, I’m all ears.
>>
>>2657707

>>2657710
this
>>
>>2657707
>>I'm pretty sure she's a goddess or something.
>>She's our sister - didn't you just say that?
Not that he needs re-affirmation that she's the biggest powerhouse this side of actual damn dragons, just let him know we respect her. then re-reinforce the bonding.
>>
>>2657707
>She's our sister - didn't you just say that?
>>
>>2657707
>"All i know is that she's insanely strong"
>>Hug her "But she's still a young girl that needs parental love."
>>
>>2657710
08:18 - 08:28 Voting period.

Oh my god, I'm questing at eight in the morning. Help.
>>
>>2657707
>>I'm pretty sure she's a goddess or something.
>>She's a little girl that needs a hug.
>>
>>2657724
>>2657718
>>2657710
I can agree to this line of thought.
"Someone powerful but really needs a hug and comfort/relaxation"
>>
>>2657707
>I'm pretty sure she's a goddess or something.
>>2657710
This
>>
>>2657707
>>2657710
this
>>
>>2657707
"All I know she's a little girl who needs a hug," you say, pulling her into the group embrace.

You can feel every muscle in the small girl go taught as you touch her, but she doesn't resist.

There you are, three drunk fathers and a teenage girl, hugging it out on the back porch. And there's a ferret with a bloody mouth in there somewhere.

"If you told me yesterday I'd be hugging Pink," T.T. whispers in your ear, "I would have told you to get your head examined."

"Some of us just really take to the contract," the small girl says, leaning into you, "it just - clicks or something. It 'clicked' for me. It really clicked."

"If that's a click," Kelly mutters, "I'm hoping I don't ever see a double-click."

"I'm not a desktop icon!" Mary says, laughing and slapping the assassin on the back.

But it breaks the ice, and you feel the tension start draining out of her.


"This really isn't the way I thought I'd be expanding my family," you tell them, "but I'm glad you're all part of it now. We've got a hell of a road in front of us, but it's probably nothing worse than what's behind."

You think you hear T.T. mutter something like "don't tempt fate," but everyone just tightens up the hug.

You're not sure how long it lasts, that odd, drunken moment with a wizard, an assassin, a young goddess, and an accountant hugging on your back porch. Things blur a little after that, and the next thing you know, you're waking up in bed, next to your wife.

>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>Go make breakfast
>Call in sick
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope [WRITE IN] isn't awake yet
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657745
>>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope [Sue] isn't awake yet


She is crazy enough to either challenge wife or impress us she can do other shit
>>
>>2657745
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope Melon isn't awake yet
Even if it's your fault, you don't want to see your underage daughter nursing a hangover
>>
>>2657745
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope Sue isn't awake yet
then once we know how many portions we have to make, we can start the breakfast factory
>>
>>2657745
>Go make breakfast
>>
>>2657745
>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>Go make breakfast
Wait, when are we going on that double date again?
>>
>>2657745
>>2657750
>>Go make breakfast
Yeah making breakfast too.
>>
>>2657745 #
>>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope [Sue] isn't awake yet
>>
>>2657745
>>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>>
>>2657750
08:53 - 09:03 Voting period and such.

>>2657762
>Wait, when are we going on that double date again?
Friday night. It's Friday morning right now.
>>
>>2657745
>Honey, how much of last night do you remember?
>Mentally prepare yourself to face the living room, and hope [Sue] isn't awake yet
>>
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>>2657745
"Honey," you ask, "how much of last night do you remember?"

You get a very canine sounding growl. Looks like she's still out. You scratch her behind the ears, getting a contented doglike whine, and head into the shower.

Ten minutes of so later, you feel a lot more human, as you watch your reflection putting on a tie.

It's clothes that make the man, after all, you think, mentally preparing yourself to face the living room.


Maybe you should have prepared yourself to face the hallway. There are people EVERYWHERE. Caterpillars rolled up in blankets, girls in rumpled uniforms, and you find yourself having to take a lot of care to not step on anyone as you pick your way toward the kitchen. You're really not sure how they managed to get to sleep - some of those positions look damn uncomfortable.

The living room is carnage. Teenagers and their parents piled in every conceivable way on, over, and against your poor couches.

At least the TV is still intact.

T.T. is snoring in your recliner, with Alice curled up on top of him.

You wonder how he's managing to even move his chest to make those noises, as you walk into the kitchen. You're feeling eggs and bacon, maybe with some toast.

You're about halfway through scrambling the eggs when you hear a rustle, and a sleepy-eyed Sue walks in behind you, almost startling you out of your skin.

...that's not who you thought would be waking up first.

"Sup," she says, rubbing at her eyes, "making enough for two?"

>Making enough for one
>Making enough for two
>Making enough for everyone
>How'd you sleep?
>WRITE IN

(I'd appreciate suggestions for things to say / talk about.)
>>
>>2657801
>Making enough for everyone
>How'd you sleep?
>>
>>2657801
>Making enough for everyone.
>Do you know how to cook? Help would be welcome.
>>
>>2657801
>>2657809
this'
>How'd you sleep?
>>
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>>2657801
"Making enough for everyone," you tell her, "you know how to cook?"

Her face lights up, and she grins at you.

"As well as any old man!" she says, eyes shining, as she grabs a frying pan.

How the hell does she know what cupboard you keep frying pans in?

Well, she is Melon's friend, after all. She's probably been over here a few times. That's definitely the answer, right?

Right.

"I'll fry up the bacon," she tells you, "once that's done, we can use both pans to do the rest of the eggs, and the leftover bacon grease will work well to fry them up. We're making enough to feed an army, right?"

"ENOUGH TO FEED YOUR ARMY, LORD," the sword says straight through your temples.

It's a little disconcerting how shoving him through your belt as a 'fashion accessory' feels like it's a natural part of your morning ritual, like putting on your tie.

"Something like that," you say, "how'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well, actually," she tells you, throwing strips of bacon into her frying pan, "I grabbed Melon's bed first," she whispers with a smile, "boy was Harriet surprised when she tried to flop on it!"

...You're not going to ask. You're not going to ask. You're not going to ask, and you're definitely not wondering about whether a pillow fight ensued.

And it's very definitely the heat from the stovetop that's sending beads of sweat rolling down your face.

>So then where did Melon sleep?
>Did you guys actually play King of the Hill for bed space last night?
>Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?
>I swear I'm not letting a bunch of teenagers get slammed in my house again, no matter what my wife thinks.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657836
>So then where did Melon sleep?
>what are your thoughts on last night do you like the direction we're going in?
>>
>>2657836
>Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?
>>
>>2657836
>So then where did Melon sleep?
hope it's not anywhere near Shelby...
>Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?
>>
>>2657836
>>Did you guys actually play King of the Hill for bed space last night?
>>
>>2657836
>So then where did Melon sleep?
>Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?

>>2657766
>Friday night. It's Friday morning right now.
Oh shit are we prepared for that?
>>
>>2657870
i don't think we even have a salmon yet!
T.T. can probably help us get an extra fresh one from finland or something
>>
>>2657836
> You think to yourself, "So that's what I heard last night..."
>So then where did Melon sleep?
>Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?
>>
>>2657836
Last I remember seeing you, you were dragging Rachel towards the bar - how'd that go?
>>
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>>2657836
"So," you ask, a little hesitantly, starting to remember how crazy the night got on your end, "then where the hell did Melon sleep?"

"I think she's on the couch," Sue tells you, jerking her head towards the living room, "I walked past her on my way in here. Good thing she didn't try to get into her bed - I was selling asskicking and asskicking accessories last night. Harriet was a big customer."

Well, that answers one question that you definitely didn't ask, you think, scraping eggs around your frying pan.

Oh, so that was what those noises were last night. Your memories are a little hazy.

"Did I actually try giving a speech last night?" you ask her, remembering things dimly. You've never been good at public speaking, and you'd have to be slammed to even try it.

Maybe T.T. is onto something. Maybe alcohol is the real magic.

Maybe he just thinks that because his family's magic is in the liver. Maybe he called your sister a lesbian and a 'blonde bitch' last night. Oh god, you're starting to remember.


"'Crabs in a bucket', and all that?" Sue asks, flipping the bacon, "yeah. It was fucking great. Freebles just ATE that other rat - dude, I don't know where you learned it, but you can host one hell of a party. Fuckin' magic rat cage fights as the floor show? And live cannibalism afterwards? Nobody else could pull that off."

"Freebles is fuckin' badass, tho," she tells you, "can he lift as much as you?"

...She's probably still half drunk after last night night. Although from what you've seen of her sober, this just might be normal.

"Last I remember seeing you," you tell her, scraping eggs across your frying pan, "you were dragging Rachel towards the bar. How'd that go?"

"Pretty well!" Sue says with a smile, sliding the batch of bacon onto a pile of paper towels on a plate.

"SHE IS LEARNED IN THE DOMESTIC ARTS," the sword intones into your mind, "DEFINITELY CONCUBINE MATERIAL! USEFUL IN THE KITCHEN AND IN YOUR BED!"

"Shut it," you think at the sword. You're a happily married man!

"We had a few drinks," Sue continues, "and then she said something, or I said something, and then we were on the street, and we fuckin' went for it. Damn, but that girl can fight!"

Oh no.

OH NO.

You take a glance out the front window.

The street in front of your house looks like it's been plowed up by demon bulls. Like the Martians landed, blasters on autofire. Like a couple of angry goddesses decided to throw down.

>Please tell me she's still alive.
>Do you have any idea what the HOA is going to say?
>You're in more debt to me than the rats, now.
>It's time to scramble more eggs
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657909
>Those powers of yours can wreck shit pretty good - now I need to see if they can be used to fix it. Repair that street right now, young lady!
>>
>>2657909
>Please tell me she's still alive.
>I fuckin dare the hoa to say something
>>
>>2657924
10:57 - 11:07 Voting period.
>>
>>2657909
>Please tell me she's still alive.
>Are you just going to leave the street like that or do you have any plans to fix this?
>>
>>2657935
This
>>
>>2657909
>Please tell me she's still alive.
Alsp supporting >>2657924 and >>2657935,someone really needs to fix that mess.

Oh also, I suggest now would be a good time to learn more about sue. You know, how she got into the mess, how's her family and all that jass, seeing how others are kinda knocked out at the moment.
>>
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>>2657909
"Please tell me," you start, "she's alive. And still on this side and not a demon or something," you say, remembering parts of last night's conversation.

"Ah," Sue says, flipping the next batch of bacon with a smile, "she's fine - I think she passed out in the hallway? We're pretty good friends now."

Good friends? Is that how magical girls make friends? With enough power to annihilate the street in front of your house? Is that actually how they 'befriend' people"

...That actually seems pretty standard, for this brave new world of gods and monsters you've stumbled into.

And might have been in for years, you think, suddenly remembering your sister. Her sad smile on the day she walked into Hell. And she's a demon now? And Kelly summoned her and shot her?

Ok, you wish you were still drunk.

Really drunk.

This shit is fucked.


"Do you," you ask Sue, thinking about what the Homeowner's Association is going to say about this, and how the hell you'll be getting to work, "have any plans to fix this?"

"Not really," she tells you, "I'm more geared towards destroying stuff than building it. It's sort of my specialty."

Her and all the other magical girls. Jesus, it's like they're machines built for the sole purpose of annihilating everything around them.

...And they're also little girls. Or teenagers.

"Bro," you hear, in a decidedly male voice, "I heard you needed some repairs?"

Of course it's Shelby. Of fucking course. The redheaded boy looks a lot more chipper than anyone has a right to be at this time in the morning.

"That's, wow..." he says, looking out your front window, "I can probably get that ok in an hour or so."

>So how was your night?
>Do it. Get my car a path to work first, though.
>You'd better not have gone anywhere near my daughter last night.
>You know, I'm just going to call in 'sick' today. Bernie can suck my dick.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2657973
>>So how was your night?
>>
>>2657973
>So how was your night?
>Get Sue to help you, I'm sure you're gonna need an spare hand or two to carry stuff around.
>Sue you are helping Shelby and that's final.
>>
>>2657973
This:
>>2657984
>>
>>2657720

at least your not making pudding a t 3 in the morning because you have lost control of your life


annnnd im dating myslef now
>>
>>2657973
>Do it. You and Sue can clear me a path so I can get to work.

We can’t call in sick, we have a double date tonight.
>>
>>2657977
11:30 -11:40 Voting period.

>>2657989
Giving the same dates I would.
>>
>>2657973
>Do it. Get my car a path to work first, though.
>>
>>2657973
>Do it. Get my car a path to work first, though.
>Quicker is better, I don't want those demon cops putting 2 and 2 together since I'm sure they have plenty of human shields.
> Let your dad know that i'm asking my boss for recommendations for a good contract lawyer. Your sister's contract is so bad that I'm sure something in them is illegal even by hell standards.
>>
>>2657973
Supporting >>2657984

>>2657989
You know, in retrospect I'm a little surprised there wasn't some sort of middle-of-the-night drunken kitchen failure, or spectacularly awful attempt to order pizza at 2 in the morning. Just a living room full of half-dead people. I think this night went pretty good.

Some days I miss having an "interesting" life.
>>
>>2657973
>how was your night as well?

>sue you need to learn to harness your powers in more then just destructive ways
>>
>>2657997

>Do it. Get my car a path to work first, though.
>Quicker is better, I don't want those demon cops putting 2 and 2 together since I'm sure they have plenty of human shields.
> Let your dad know that i'm asking my boss for recommendations for a good contract lawyer. Your sister's contract is so bad that I'm sure something in them is illegal even by hell standards.
>>
>>2657973
>>2657997
This
>>
>>2657909
>Do you have any idea what the HOA is going to say?
Also the demon cops probs know where i live now
>>
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>>2657973
"So how was your night?" you ask Shelby.

"I was helping you scrape people off the lawn onto your couches, remember?" he asks you, "and you need a little more pepper on those eggs. Cumin, too, if you have it."

Sue looks at you, as if she needs your approval to take action.

You nod. She pours on the spices.

"So you're one of those people that helps other folks up after a drunk night, huh?" you ask him.

"It's always," he says, and you could say there's a fleeting smile on those lips, "entertaining."

"Great," you say, "fix the street. You know what the cops are - and that we really don't want them screwing with us, brother. I'd like to get to work, too. Sue," you continue, "help him."

She gives you a hurt, almost angry look.

"You're helping him," you tell her, "and that's final."

Sue looks at you, and there's something in that stare. You're really not sure what.

"The cops are bad for you," you say, "as much as they are for me. And I want this cleaned up before they put two and two together. You made this mess, and you're going to help clean it up. I'm sure Shelby needs a spare hand to carry concrete or something," you tell her, turning back to the stove.

"Grabbin' Rachel - it's her mess too," she tells you, and runs off into the hallway. She returns a few seconds later, dragging a barely-waking girl with black hair.

"Tell us what to do, Shelby," she says, with a terrifying smile, "or do you want the cops to show?"

"Twenty minutes," the redhead tells you, glancing at the two girls, "and you can have your car out in half that."

That kid's as good as his word, you think, as you motor down your driveway, enough bacon and eggs to feed an army in the house behind you. Road repair is still going on as you pull out into the street.

The drive to work is as uneventful as always, and you step into the elevator alongside your boss.

He gives you an appreciative look, raking you from head to toe with those nearly reptilian eyes.

>So do you know a good contract lawyer?
>What kind of 'special accounts' do you have for me today?
>Want to make a deal?
>We still on for tonight?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2658059
>We still on for tonight?
>So do you know a good contract lawyer?
>>
>>2658059
>So what is your opinion on demons?
>>
>>2658059
In this order:
>>We still on for tonight?
>>What kind of 'special accounts' do you have for me today?
>>So do you know a good contract lawyer?

Also, we should do something nice for Shelby since he's been so helpful with the shindig.
>>
>>2658059
>>We still on for tonight?
>>
>>2658059
>we still on tonight?
>>
>>2658059
this sounds right >>2658069
>>
>>2658059
Supporting >>2658069
It's always good to be on the same wavelength as your boss at the start of your workday.
>>
>>2658059
>So do you know a good contract lawyer?
>What kind of 'special accounts' do you have for me today?
>We still on for tonight?
>>
>>2658069
+1
>>
>>2658059
>>2658059
>We still on for tonight?
>So do you know a good contract lawyer?
>>
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>>2658059
"We still on for tonight?" you ask him.

"Oh yes," Bernie tells you, "I wouldn't miss this dinner for the world. It's the two largest supernatural powers in this city sitting down to a nice little dinner - who would want to miss that?"

Wait a second. Does that mean he saw your contracts? And that they're actually a real, magical thing?

Oh god. You're a player in this business. And so is he.

And you realize, suddenly, that you basically own every piece of the town that isn't his.

Magically, you know?

You suddenly feel that the elevator is a little too small for the two of you.


"Not me," you tell him, "I'll have to check with my wife - I think she's still sleeping. By the by, do you know a good contract lawyer?"

"Want to get some of those off ya?" Bernie asks you with a smile. One that shows far too many teeth.

"No," you say, "there's a third party, and I want to get their contract reviewed by a decent lawyer. I'm pretty sure it's screwed, even by demonic standards."

"Look," he says, staring you down, and you can almost see the huge, scaled beast behind him, "you still workin' for me? I want to make sure we're ABSOLUTELY clear here."

>At the office, yes
>Oh, let's fuckin' GO!
>What were those other accounts you wanted me to look at?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2658142
>>At the office, yes
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
Keep it professional
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes

I'm only in the "other" business for my daughter's sake. And for other peoples' daughters that are getting screwed right now over their contracts.
>>
>>2658142
>>At the office, yes

NOT:
>>Oh, let's fuckin' GO!
because he could LITERALLY FUCKING EAT US

>>WRITE IN: Possibly explain the primary reason why we got into this mess - as if he doesn't know already: Our Daughter(u).
>>
>>2658145

>>2658148

this feels like a trap option


>Yes, your still the boss.
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
I mean, if we work on salary, we still have a (decidedly less magical) contract with the company.

>Outside of the office, however, I wouldn't mind working alongside you.
>>
>>2658142
>>At the office, yes
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
>>
>>2658142
>>At the office, yes
>I'm only in the "other" business for my daughter's sake. And for other peoples' daughters that are getting screwed right now over their contracts.
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
>You like to keep the city-center stable. I'd like to do the same for the suburbs.
>You also have not been a bad boss.
>>
>>2658142
>At the office, yes
>The other stuff, all I want to do is help my daughter, and my sister as it turns out.
>>
>>2658142
At the office, yes
>>
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>>2658142
"At the office," you say, looking him levelly in those all too red eyes, "yes."

You can't shake the feeling that there's something behind him, something scaly, with way too many teeth, that wants to rip you to shreds, bite your head off, and hang you on a castle wall as an example to others.

"Well," he tells you, smiling, "then I know where we are. And if you're willing to work with me, you're a very valuable asset. And an extremely dangerous one," he continues, and then it seems like the atmosphere itself is trying to press you to the floor.

Why does it always have to be like this?

Not matter what you say, everything turns into some supernatural confrontation. How the hell does that keep happening?

"You know why I got into this mess?" you ask him, forcing yourself to stand.

"I hadn't exactly heard," he says, licking his lips, and letting out another wave of pressure as the elevator dings up a floor, "but DO go on."

You manage to stay standing, as you feel your boss' soul engulf you, trying to force you down.

"It's my daughter," you tell him, clenching your fists, "I found out she - and a lot of her friends - are in some bullshit contracts to the rats. That's why I'm in the other business."

"And that's why you want a good contract lawyer, huh?" Bernie says, and laughs, "alright, you want to stay with me in the daytime? And the night is for us to negotiate in darkness."

>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>Let's fuckin' go.
>What were those 'special' accounts you were talking about?
>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone, and I'd like this whole place to be like that.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2658209
>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone, and I'd like this whole place to be like that.
>>
>>2658209
>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone, and I'd like this whole place to be like that.
>>
>>2658209
> you know Bernie I think your misunderstanding things here. I'm not from your world I'm not threatening you and I don't plan to stop on your feet. You've been good to me I am going to good to you. I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of natural zone and I'd like this whole place to be like that and I'm ready and willing to help you do that.
>>
>>2658209
>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone, and I'd like this whole place to be like that.
>>
>>2658209

>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>>
>>2658209
>>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone, and I'd like this whole place to be like that.
>>
>>2658209
>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.

>I've come to realize that every bloody wizard and fortune teller is going to try to have a go at me, and it's goddamn annoying. I'm a father trying to do right by his family and save my daughter and those in her position from evil little rat jews. That's it! Nothing more and certainly nothing less. I don't care about wizards and demons and what else or any of their pissing contests. I'd appreciate if you can understand and respect that.
>>
>>2658209
>>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime.
>>
>>2658209

>I'd be happy to stay on here, in the daytime

We going to play the day time night game?
>>
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>>2658209
All I can think of what with all of us calling people Brother now.
>>
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>>2658209
"I'm not trying to take over the city," you tell your boss, "I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone."

"I'd like to see this whole town be like that," you say, "I am not threatening you," you tell him with a smile, "I'd really like to see this whole city be like this - and I'll help you do it. I have T.T. and Pink's territory, after all."

You see something awful squirm behind his eyes.

The sort of lizard that demands princesses as tribute and eats everyone that disagrees.

The sort of lizard that thinks he could kill you and take all that for himself.

"I'll stay on here in the daytime," you tell him, "but like you said - the other thing, we'll have to negotiate in the night."

"I'm sick of magic pissing contests," you tell him, walking out of the elevator, as the door dings open, "every wizard and fortune teller trying to take a go at me. I'm in this to save my daughter."

You don't even know what you're seeing.

It's just - can a dragon swallow itself?

You see something like that behind your boss as you walk out of the elevator.

"Take these files," he says, somehow catching up and dumping a heap of folders into your arms.

"And dinner is going to be very, very interesting," he continues, stalking past you down the hall.

...you'll count that as a 'win'.


And then you start looking at the files.

>Water Rights
>Acts of god
>Paternity suits against Zeus
>Call your wife
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2658209
>>Let's fuckin' go.
>>
>>2658209
>You seem to be misunderstanding something. I don't give a shit about power or any of that outside of ways to free everyone from those rats and the magical girls only started to care about territory because they're basically forced to.
>I'm not trying to take over the city - I respect you for carving out this sort of neutral zone.
>You might be the only magical person I've met without a personal reason to hate the rats and even that might be because we don't know each other too well yet.
>If you must get all territorial about things then please consider that if I manage to get rid of the rats you're probably going to have alot less competition in the long run.
>Did I make myself clear, Boss?
>>
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>>2658252
For not talking about the nefarious Brother Nero, you shall be DELETED
>>
>>2658261
>>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>
>>2658261
>>2658261
>Paternity suits against Zeus
The most straightforward. Might take all the way up to lunch to finish them.
>>
>>2658261
>>Water Rights
>>Acts of god
>>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>
>>2658261
>Paternity suits against Zeus
>Acts of god
It would be prudent to check those files in order incase you notice a connection between the two since Hera has a reputation.
When lunchtime comes we call our wife.
>>
>>2658261
>Paternity suits against Zeus
So now that we've dealt with a freaking dragon.
Let's start dealing with gods.
>>
>>2658269
13:35 - 14:00 Voting period. I've got an errand to run.

>>2658278
>It would be prudent to check those files in order incase you notice a connection between the two since Hera has a reputation.
I like you.
>>
>>2658261
>>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>
>>2658261
>>Water Rights
>>Acts of god
>>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>
>>2658278
>>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>Acts of god


>It would be prudent to check those files in order incase you notice a connection between the two since Hera has a reputation.
When lunchtime comes we call our wife.

thisi s a very logical train of thought.
>>
>>2658261
>Paternity suits against Zeus

Magical DNA testing? Also note to self install lightning rods. Fuck your lightning bitch!
>>
>>2658261
>Paternity suits against Zeus
>Acts of god

Mary is going to turn out to be Zeus' daughter isn't she?
>>
>>2658278
Oh, good call. Look at you, we could get a bonus out of this!

>>2658261
I'll support this.
>>
>>2658261
>>Water Rights
>>Acts of god
>>
>>2658261
You begin going through the files.

Holy shit, this Greek guy. In the form of a fly, in the form of a snake, in the form of a bull, your daughters I'll take!

Wow. Seems like a piece of work.

Luckily, you just have to figure out his net worth for paternity payments and alimony. Even that's a bit of an endeavor - how do you put a pricetag on an asset your client put down as "I'M A GAWD, BITCH!", anyway?

Ah. There's a table in the part of the database you just got access to for converting deity to cash.

...Did this guy really just stall these cases until nobody believed in him to knock his alimony payments down?

He's a dog, not a father.

Looks like his kids have a pretty bad life expectancy, you think, looking at the 'acts of god' file.

Wow.

You've heard that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but wow. This guy's wife is something else.

There's hardly anyone left to collect on this guy's payments.

It's another boring day at the office.

Until lunchtime rolls around.

>Call your wife
>Make sure Kelly Edwards is alive
>Call Harriet
>Research occult things
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2658261
>Acts of god
>Paternity suits against Zeus
>>
>>2658377
>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658377
Since a bunch of cultures let you keep your property after you die it might be a good idea to see if death doesn't stop the paternity suit from being valid.
>Call our wife
>>
>>2658377
>>Call your wife
>>
>>2658398
>might be a good idea to see if death doesn't stop the paternity suit
>Death
Fuck me, we're gonna have to deal with Him too, aren't we?
>>
>>2658401
Might be that there’s no one Death. Might be a bunch of reapers are running around.
>>
Dammit - looks like something's come up, and I don't know how long it will take to deal with it.

And this thread is ~1300 posts.

So I'm calling it here, and will resume in a new thread with "Call your wife" as the chosen option..

Feel free to shitpost this thread to death, or theorize or share torrents or whatever. Or call me out as a bad person, or send death threats - if that's what you like, I'm cool with it.

Next runtime will be announced on the twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

You know, it's all in fun.

>>2658414
>Might be a bunch of reapers are running around.
God help me, we're not going Bleach.
>>
>>2658426
thanks for running, this is really a great quest
>>
>>2658426
How about Death Note?
>>
>>2658414
True, but I find the idea of Death as Chief Justice of some "Supernatural Supreme Court" fucking hilarious.
>Death has been at the job for so long that he's just sick and tired of everyone's shit
>Reapers are just his errand boys, or attorneys
>Reapers don't get along with immortals because instead of doing their "real jobs" they wind up mediating everyone's petty squabling
>Reapers get mistaken for cultists all the time because robes

>>2658426
>Feel free to shitpost this thread to death
Way ahead of you, Boss!
I mean as long as we don't go FULL Bleach it's fine, right?
>>
>>2658426
That's how I felt about FSN

> What about going full Soul Eater? Fits the theme of rescuing little girls
>>
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>>2658455
Soul Eater also has a Dad who has to work under a difficult boss.
>>
>>2658455
You literally described Soul Eater BTW.
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>>2658474
>You literally described Soul Eater BTW.
Well shit... I guess I'm gonna have to actually sit down and watch it sometime.
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>>2658480
. . . .I may have taken some liberty with the word literally, but it's close enough.
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>>2658455
Actually, a reaper lawyer would be the perfect ally to have against the rats. As the foremost representative of the forces of entropy, Death would probably be pissed at their project to stave off the heat death of the universe, after all.
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>>2657673
Actually, that makes some sense.
Magic and organized religion became a big thing in ancient Sumeria around the time of Gilgamesh. That was when we started getting enough surplus crops to brew beer and wine, they have also found ancient Sumerian stills, they aren't as good as modern ones since Copper was super valuable, but they had distilled liquors possibly up to 20% or higher. If magic is processed in the liver and requires alcohol as a catalyst that makes a disturbing amount of sense. Also explains why in Chinese and Asian medicine in general the "Sea of Chi" is located roughly in the area of the liver.
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>>2658517
I think the main reason is that they didn't seal their brews right, and some hallucinogens got in
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>Bernie the dragon
>Burny the dragon
How did i not see this before
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>>2658530
You're thinking of Ergot, the process of fermentation and resulting alcohol killed the fungi that made people hallucinate.
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>>2658545
His brother Trogdor lives in the southwest and his cousin Puff is currently in England.

>>2658455
So, king Enma? If you're one of those """people""" who watch anime, check out hoozuki no reitetsu
>>
The Zeus account is way more of a liability than I considered now that i gave it some thought.
The Greeks/Romans used to believe that misc other gods from foreign nations were actually their gods under a different name so that's an absolutely massive amount of identity theft there.
This also means that Zeus should have debts in Norway and Egypt due to the spread of the Roman empire as I doubt he could keep it in his pants while over there posing as another god.
The Norse and Egyptians in particular believed that you get to keep everything when you die and since the debt owed by Zeus is an asset to the mothers, then Zeus still ews them money in the afterlife..
The other problem is that Odin merged with the sinterklaus germanic myths into Santa Claus which mean he should have a slice of the deity pie for being fucking SANTA.

He has an ultra wealthy/powerful god that still has regular followers to this day before we factor in santa powers who will have many legal reasons to hold a grudge against him if he raped a norse woman.
Zeus is so criminal that we might need to start watching out for angry deities once some archaeologists let a little too much information slip during the afterlife.
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>>2658608
> Zeus is a series of shell corporations to avoid paying child support.
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>>2658619

fun fact, child support and student loads are the two types of debt that cannot be discharged by bankruptcy
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>>2658630
> Having student loan debt.

Welcome to the capitalist market, let's cripple you with debt load from the beginning.

Don't worry if you lose anything you can go on welfare and get food stamps and medicaid.

Sure glad America isn't a socialist nation!
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>>2658630
Also fun fact:
Zeus impregnated Danaë by turning into a literal golden shower!
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>>2658634
*lose everything

It's like America is designed to create a welfare reliant underclass for employing at below a living wage.
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>>2658637
Now you're just taking the piss.
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>>2658550
Early settlers had that issue with homebrewed beer.
High alcohol content beverages wouldn't have that issue, though.
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>>2658637
Also fun fact: Women were technically considered property by the norse. This might sound bad, but this also means that raping a woman falls under banditry. Banditry means that it's 100% legal for ANYONE to kill you.
Outside of this legal technicality they seem to have had all of the civil rights modern women have.

>>2658517
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleolithic_religion
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>>2658680
Not for whoever owned them.

Also all the slavery.
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>>2658761
Fair point,although the rights of norse women are a bit distinct from the rights of norse slaves.
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new thread
>>2660302




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