>>3356193
Let us consult the map, and decide where we shall go next.

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1: Bleakhurst
2: Dirtport
3: Nilbog
4: Hammerhat
5: Mozzkaba
6: Squalor's-End
7: Kekstantinople
8: Tripolioch
9: The holy city of 100 names

>>3356193
>>3356298
After purchasing horses, the Knights prepared to leave the city, a dwarf in blacksmith attire then ran up to Sir Paragon, saying "for a fair sum of money, I'd like to give you my masterwork." The dwarf was holding a large two-handed sword, still in the scabbard. "Only one that is pure of heart can wield 'Excelsior.'I have inscribed the blade with several runes to help the knight who wields it." Sir Paragon then drew the blade from its scabbard, revealing a shining visage of honor and valor. "You shall be rewarded handsomely, my good dwarf."

With Excelsior at his side and a horse at his reins, Sir Paragon set off, making his way to:
>Mozzkaba: To see if we can return Grug to his people
>Squalor's End: The only way to reach Kek-land from the Empire

Roll 1d20 for results

>>3356624
>Mozzkaba: To see if we can return Grug to his people

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>3356777

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>3356624
>Squalor's End: The only way to reach Kek-land from the Empire

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>3356624
>>Mozzkaba: To see if we can return Grug to his people

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>>3356783
>>3356965
I'll take the 16 (High success)
>>3356880
I'll take this as the trip from Mozzkaba to Squalor's End

The party takes the dirt path to Mozzkaba: A nearby Orc raiding fortress. The knights all agree that Grug needs to be with his people. As the group gets closer to the fort, Orc scouts start to appear on nearby cliff sides and hills. Eventually, the whole place is teeming with Orcs, following the weary men. Then they see it: a huge spiked fortress of wood and stone, nestled between two cliffs.
As you prepare to say your goodbyes to Grug, he just nods and says "Grug make Orc unite, Grug make Orc help knights." Then Sir Paragon got Grug to kneel and, for the first time in history, made an Orc a knight. Sir Grug was taken into the fort, without looking back.

Once the knights finally got out of the Orc land, it was already sundown. The companions ate a large portion of their rations and sung the songs of happy men that night. The next days trip was holted when a large man with his face on his body stopped the horses. Sir Paragon recognized him as a headless man, "What do you want, man of the wilds?" He asked.
"To eat something, and those horses look mighty delishious," the strange creature said
>Bypass the bumbling fool, not giving him any notice
>Diplomacy: Maybe give him some rations
>Heathen! Cut him down where he stands! I will not be delayed any longer!

Roll 1d20

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>3357094
>Heathen! Cut him down where he stands! I will not be delayed any longer!
DEUS VULT!

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>3357094
>>Diplomacy: Maybe give him some rations

>>3357099
>>3357100
If the decision remains indecisive, I'll roll a dice

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>3357094
>Heathen! Cut him down where he stands! I will not be delayed any longer!

>>3357099
>>3357175
14/20

Sir Paragon could stand no more delays, and quickly beheaded the headless man... somehow. But he had not seen the several other headless men hiding in the bushes. The knight, in a fit of rage, killed twelve of the abominations where they stood, only letting Sir Pepe and Sir Dickred kill a few. Excelsior had given him unequaled skill in single combat. The next few days were tense, with the group taken off guard by Sir Paragons wrath.

When they reached Squalor's End, there was not much to tell, apart from a few peasants being surprised by the coming of the knights. That night they
>Passed through the town, only stopping to re-supply
>Went to the local tavern
>Went to the Duke of Squalor's End to see if there are any knightly things that they could do
>Write in

Here are the stats of the Players by the way:
Sir Paragon
-Chivalry: 4/10
-Piety: 6/10
-Strategy: 2/10
-Dread: 1/10

Sir Pepe the Envious
-Chivalry: 3/10
-Piety: 3/10
-Strategy: 7/10
-Dread: 0/10

>>3357187
>Went to the local tavern
>Went to the Duke of Squalor's End to see if there are any knightly things that they could do

>>3357187
>write in
pepe confronts sir paragon about his fit of rage

>>3357187
>>Went to the Duke of Squalor's End to see if there are any knightly things that they could do

>>3357187
>Went to the local tavern
Hey, can Sir Rocko the Even-Tempered join their quest?

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>>3359661
Or Sir Rocko the Excitable.

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>>3359661
>>3359663
Sir Rocko the Excitable joins the quest
I'll write the next part soon

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>>3359741
CRIKEY! 10/10

>>3357194
>>3358355
>>3358653
>>3359661
>>3359741
The Knights decide to head to the Duke of Squalor's End after Sir Pepe convinced Sir Paragon to redeem himself in the eyes of God, by helping the weak and feeble. But first, they were thirsty and decided to head to the tavern for a drink, and upon getting there, found a drunk Kobold knight entertaining the peasants. The short kobolds rant was cut short by the knight's intrusion, only starting again once they sat down.
"Anyway, as I was saying, I come from far south, in the land of Terra Australis. A great land mass that is twice the size of the empire. No use in it though, half the place is a bloody desert." The small manlet looked at the party now, jumping down from the bench he was on, and started to walk towards you, "only a true kobold could get all the way from Terra Australis to the empire." Kobolds are indeed a rare sight in the Empire, only appearing when there's a good amount of money to be made. The kobold held out his tiny arm, saying "G'day mate, names Rocko." Sir Paragon shook Rocko's hand, replying much the same.

Once you all had a good drink, the party headed over to the duke's manor, knocking on the large wooden door. The Duke came out and greeted you all equally. "There is a strange, naked old man with a long beard that covers his genitals. He rides into town on the back of a giant rat every full moon, cursing everyone in sight. He calls himself 'Honhar Hygerlin,' the wizard of rats. We would have thought him crazy, that is, until his curses started to come true: everyone he cursed died several days after in some sort of rat-related accident." The Duke looked visibly shaken.
Sir Paragon stepped in front of the gang, "now that I have Excelsior, no wizard can evade my blade!" and with that, he drew his sword, which shone in the evening light. Sir Pepe then stood next to Sir Paragon, saying "you'll need my tactical mind and incredible wit if you are to smite this foe. The kobold then stepped forward, "wizards and magicians are my specialties." Sir Dickred was also there:
>Wait till the full moon, and ambush (Strategy)
>Go into the wizard's lair, and slay him in his home (Dread)
>Wait for the full moon, and challenge the wizard to a fair duel (Chivalry)
>Ask the Thot of Mercy for a solution (Piety)

>>3360024
>Ask the Thot of Mercy for a solution (Piety)

>>3360027
Oh yeah, and roll 1d20

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>3360061

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>3360024
>Wait for the full moon, and challenge the wizard to a fair duel (Chivalry)

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>3360024
>Ask the Thot of Mercy for a solution (Piety)

>>3360027
>>3360085
>>3360150
I'll take the 18+2= 20
+Sir Paragons Piety is now 7/10+

Sir Paragon got on his knee's and looked up to the heavens, "If there is a way to heal the cursed and defeat this menace, oh angel of mercy, then please, grant me that cure." Out of the light of the evening sun, an angel carrying a box of Ratsak descended onto this plane, "taketh thine holy box of rat-killer, oh chosen of the gods." They spent that evening killing rats in basements and cellars, removing the chance of rat-related death. Then, at the stroke of midnight, the pale rider of rats came again, looking for a victim to curse, then from out of the manor the knights jumped, recounting the holy words of instruction:
"Incaseth of evil rat wizards: useth single 200g throwpack to hurl vigorously at thine wizard, not the 20g mouse throwpack, not the 40g rat throwpack: the 200g wizard throwpack.
doth not exceedeth more than the requiredeth amount.
doth not precedeth less than the requiredeth amount.
doth not open, cutteth or teareth the throweth packs, those gents art to best be eaten and did chew by the wizard in questioneth." As Sir Rocko prepared to read the second line of instructions, the wizard prepared to charge at the knights.
"If thou art daring enough to face a rat-mancer, then do so with caution, and with the will of thine gods, Amen." The rest of the knights said amen, Sir Paragon threw the poison with great accuracy and strength, hitting the fell villain right in the mouth, killing him in an instant. The rat steed was quickly dispatched by a rat-poison coated Excelsior. You check the wizard's body and find a rat wand.
+Obtained cursed rat wand+
+Obtained holy rat-posion+
The knights were given roughly the same choices as they were given in Dirtport:
>Take all the money
>Take a portion of the money
>Take no money
>Give money

>>3360249
>Take all the money

>>3360249
pepe: "destroy the cursed rat wand, let not its evil propagate further."

take the money and buy a carriage to carry equipment and men alike.

>>3360249
destroy the cursed rat wand and
>Take a portion of the money

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>>3360249
pic for reference

>>3360249
>>Take a portion of the money
And give the rest to the families of the cursed.

>>3360326
>>3360482
>>3360706
>>3361255

The party takes only a portion of the money, giving the rest to the families of the cursed. As for the wand, you snap that in two and throw it in a fire. Now you must head to Kekstantinople, through the perilous land of Kek. First, you must travel over the bridge of woe, and then through the chasm of hatred, then finally across the pit of death: where all memes go to die. The crossing of the bridge of woe was stopped by a troll, "what dare yee to cross my bridge?"
Sir Paragon went in front of the others, "we just want to pass and pay the toll, good sir troll." The troll laughed at this, saying "the toll is to beat my riddle:
When let loose
I float away,
Never so doomed
As when I'm forced to stay.
What am I?"

>Answer the riddle

>>3362117
Rage

>>3362163
The troll laughs, "that's one guess, three to go."

>>3362117
anxiety

>>3362174
The troll laughs even harder, "that's two guesses, two to go."

>>3362184
Sir Parangon puts an empathic hand on the troll's shoulder. "Feels."

>>3362190
The troll stares into Sir Paragons eyes and says "three guesses, one more chance. If you don't get it, I get to eat all of your faces."

>>3362207
Sir Pepe realizes that the troll is trolling them like he trolled passers-by in the old folktales, and struggles to remember the instructions of the legend.

>>3362218
Roll a d20 to remember the legend

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>3362222

>>3362218
>>3362283
The legend came to Pepe in parts, ' the troll's words... four guesses... and something about the winds, the scented winds... Noxious air... What could this mean?

>>3362286
>Noxious gas... floating away... doomed when forced to stay...
Troll, I have seen through your riddle, and the thing you speak of is a fart.

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>>3362286
>>3362290
Sir Pepe turns around, and pulls down his breeches. "Why, good troll", he says. "I know the answer to thy riddle: let me speak it... From my arse!". And by these words he lets the gaseous fruit of his bowels float away loose in the villain's face, lest they be doomed and forced to stay.

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>>3362290
>>3362294

The troll stopped laughing, and looked at Pepe, "how... how could you know the answer to my riddle?" Sir Pepe Keked loudly at the trolls sudden change of face, "you have lost, troll of the bridge of woe, now you must let us pass." The troll then suddenly leaped at Sir Pepe, but Rocko quickly jumped in front of him, cutting the troll with his axe, making it flee. Now, according to the legend, you will have to pass through the chasm of hatred.

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>>3362299
>>3362294

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>>3362299
The chasm was long and perilous, wrought with danger and devilry, but finally, you reached its end, only to be met with a monstrous rage titan.
"Fee-fi-fo-fer,
I smell the blood of a shitposter,
Be he alive, or be he dead
I'll grind his bones and eat his head."
The creatures every step caused the earth to tremble, and each stride he took was enough to clear a whole village. The giant eventually was squatting to look at the knights. It was visibly fuming.

>What do the knights do?

>>3362321
They try valiantly to ignore him totally, for it is well-known that the Rage Titan's wrath is a grave phantom, and his sound and fury will not harm even a feather if it merely ignores his flaming.

>>3362327 (You)
But they must take care to avoid responding even once to his taunts and his fits of rage, or they are undone.

>>3362327
>>3362328
+1

>>3362327
>>3362328
>>3362526

The knights avoid the gaze of the raging titan, moving on as if he didn't exist. Because of the strange nature of this land, the giant started to shrink the more he was ignored until he was only half his size. The titan was desperate now and tried to stay in the parties minds and vision as much as possible. The titan shook with anger, and picked up a huge boulder and threw it at Sir Dickred, almost squashing him, for Sir Dickred did not respond to the boulder that flew a few inches from his head. This weakened the titan and forced him to resort to petty insults to gain the attention of the knights. After that failed he got on his hands and knees and begged the knights for attention, but it was too late, the meme had died. The giant, now a moused sized annoyance, was forgotten about.
The next step in the journey was a huge pit that housed all the dead memes of bygone eras. Once they got there, the Knights found the only way to cross it was to cross a rickety bridge. They decided to draw straws, and the one with the short straw will cross the bridge first: it turned out to be Sir Dickred. He slowly walked across the wooden and rope bridge, stopping at the middle to tell the others to come across. As he turned around, the bridge broke at the ropes, and Sir Dickred fell to the bottom of the pit. The party calls out but can hear no response.
Sir Paragon led the men down the pit side by climbing down the broken bridge. At the bottom, the light hardly reached, and the knights carried torches on their rescue mission. You see three possible places that Sir Dickred could be: the land of historical memes, above and below text memes, and the recently deceased memes

>To the historical memes
>The above and below text memes
>The recently deceased memes

>>3362532
>The recently deceased memes

>>3362532
>The recently deceased memes

>>3362532
>>To the historical memes

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>>3362532
>>To the historical memes

>>3362595
>>3362600
>>3362608
>>3364063
Need a tie breaker

>>3362532
>To the historical memes

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>>3364063
>>3364216
>>3362608

The party decided to head to the historical memes, also known as the memes before memes, ruled by the great old meme. Once in that land, there were memes from the dawn of time: with loads of handprints over the walls of the cave, and memes from the bronze age: with animals with human heads and vice versa. The medieval memes are where it gets strange, with murderous rabbit people, animals defeating knights with their shit, mutilated men eating babies, old men with thumbs up their bums, dancing skeletons, and, of course, knights fighting snails. The knights manage to push past these oddities and enter Rennaissance memes, with ugly mutant babies, women with the faces of old men, fat-bodied saints, and nightmare-inducing demons. The age of enlightenment wasn't too spicy and pretty forgettable. Then there were the recent history memes, with lots of jew caricatures, Japanese caricatures and generally just a lot of caricatures. Then there were the 20th-century memes, with witty drawings, comics, and other such antiques.
Finally, they reached the end of the history of memes (which confused all but the wise Pepe) and there they saw a huge amalgamation of memes, introducing himself as "the great old meme." He informs you that there has been no Sir Dickred, but there is one in the early 2000's/bottom text top text meme plane, and the only way to get there is to go through the recently deceased meme plane. He says that one historical meme may aid you in this endeavor
>Say which one

>>3364265
>the great old meme himself

>>3364268
supporting.

>>3364268
Nice.

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>>3364265
Friar François De Fréjus: Pious, gregarious and never too old to have a good kek.

Class: Troll
Speciality: Wits, Bamboozlement, Making friends

"Prays" every now and then through his wine bottle. Is a cynical bastard that enjoys laughing secretly at nobles, the church, or basically anyone that deserves it because God Told Him Directly. Suspected to pawn off silverware sleight-of-handed from noble banquets despite convincing the nobleman to donate to the orphanages. Would drink with the devil for a kek and then bamboozle him for a greater kek. So far took his memedeath as the greatest, kekkiest irony God gifted him.

>>3364268
>>3364443
>>3365937
>>3365977
Friar François De Fréjus could become a companion later maybe

The great old meme agrees to aid you, only through the recently deceased meme plane though. He picked the knights up in his huge hands and stepped out of his primordial meme juices, showing his humangous size in the process. It did not take too long to reach the first of the recently deceased memes, most of them unfunny or cringe. The great old meme stopped at a small gathering of dead memes that beckoned him to stop. Among them were Ugandan knuckles, woah crash bandicoot, dame-tu-cosita, orange shirt kid and somebody toucha my spaghet. These now unconditionally dead memes were asking the knights for help
>Pass them by
>Listen to their plea
>Gross, get the great old meme to squash them

>>3366761
>Listen to their plea

>>3366761
De Fréjus keks patiently, enjoying himself with cheese and wine while you do your job.

>>3366761
>>Listen to their plea

>>3366769
>>3367066
The memes say that they will aid you in the top-text-bottom-text meme plane, only if you help them with subduing two dead memes that have joined forces to escape the pit: the Globglogabgalab and skidaddle skidoodle the wizard of dick noodles. They say that the two are currently residing in the cave of lurkers.
>Agree, only if sir Dickred is found and returned to the knights while they do this
>No thanks

>>3369007
>Agree, only if sir Dickred is found and returned to the knights while they do this

We have sworn to care for him and that's what we shall do!

>>3369007
>Agree, only if sir Dickred is found and returned to the knights while they do this

New thread is here >>3369023

>>3369025
[b] Memes [/b]

>>3381947
[b] Memes

>>3369025
**Memes**

>>3381947
>>3381948
>>3381951
It doesn't work when your IP changes because you're no longer the OP