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/qst/ - Quests

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You mean to tell me that you killed a member of the Sadalan Royal family?!"

Hit nods in acknowledgement.
"Not just any member.
One of the kings. King Sadala III to be specific.
So you understand why they'd be less than enthusiastic about my presence.
And if you're any indication I'll stick out like a sore thumb in the crowds..."

This just keeps getting better and better.
"Why?! On whose behest?!"

"Can't say.
I don't think I need to tell you how sharing the identity of my contractors is bad for business."

"Wait, when WAS that exactly?"

"Six hundred years."

"Then they are long dead!
Alongside anyone who've known them!"

"That's not the point.
Information like that carries weight.
And as long as I intend to continue my work I won't release anything on my employers.
Maybe never... Because even an assassin has some honor."

This... is bad.
Really, really bad.
Your legs are shaking as your mind starts to race on the implications.

One thing's clear though:

>We can't let the Sadalans know!
>You... shouldn't come after all...
>You need to come clean with this!
Well, we could always see if we could do a job for the King to see if they could lessen their grudge against Hit. Or ask Cabba if there’s some sort of ritual combat or duel we can participate in to achieve the same end.
>We can't let the Sadalans know!
>You... shouldn't come after all...

"Yeah, we definitely don't want to set off some sort of intergalactic incident... At least, not on my planet when they're still getting used to ALIENS. Unless - I don't suppose we have any to DISGUISE you, do we? Hm..."

I wonder if Sala can manage some sort of illusion? Though I'm still not sure WHY we're inviting people to fight in the tournament when pretty much any single one of them can sweep the whole thing.

Also, whoo, we back in it!

Seing beatdown of aceptance where kings beaten down like a dog but in the end lets go of the blod fude would be glorious.
Hit in particular was not invited to fight.
Just to watch the tournament.
The kids... not even I'm sure why they were brought. Guess it's educational?
Like a demonstration match?
>We can't let the Sadalans know!
Rolled 1 (1d2)


Looks like we have a tie on our hands
QM rollin'


You scratch your head awkwardly, trying to wrap your head around that.
"That's... less than ideal."

"How so?
It doesn't affect you at all.
I'll simply not come to the event and-"

You snap at Hit which prompts the assassin to quickly fall silent at your sudden outburst.
"Listen Hit! I want to have a good relationship with Sadala, both as a species and as an individual!
But if I stay in touch with you I wouldn't be able to do that with a clear consciousness! Not when I could jeopardize my entire species!
I don't know.
I'll just prove myself to King Sadala somehow... maybe ask Cabba whether there's some sort of ritual combat I could challenge him to...
We'll see."

Hit looks at you as if you're retarded, trying to fix the reputation of a contract killer.
The absurdity of the situation eventually gets unbearable for him and for the first time since you've met him, his cheeks puff up as he tries to hold back his laughter but fails.

Well that's a first! You Earthlings never cease to amaze!"
But he quickly regains his composure and silences himself.
"Alright... Enough of that.
I appreciate the sentiment, but don't go and break your back over it.
After all, an assassins reputation is best not to worry about. Notoriety is part of business."

"Yeah... yeah, I know.
I just don't want to hide you all the time, nor do I want you to live in seclusion.
It must be pretty bad to live for... how old are you again?"

"I'm over a thousand."

Don't you tire of solitude?
Aren't you hanging out here because you crave some social activity?"

I suppose you're right.
Very well. I'll just make sure to stay out of sight and out of mind.
Until you can "make things right", that is."

"That's the spirit!"

Hit then gives you a faint little smile and pats you on the head.
You're not sure if he's genuinely thanking you or if he's looking at you like one of those severely inbred dogs you can't help but find funny.
"By the way... I've been getting some interesting contracts lately.
I could use your help on some of them.
Would you be interested?"

>Er... depends. Not now at least
>Eeeeeh... I'm trying to cut down on my murder quota.
More Hit time? Hell yes!
>I'll consider it, I have to see whose heads are on the chopping block before I can make my decision.

Seconding this: >>3729869
I'll consider that a maybe, which will probably become a yes the second you hear the details.
However we don't need anymore hanging plot threads for now

You consider his offer thoroughly.
And while you'd love to spend more time with the guy this is not something you can just say "yes" to all willy-nilly.
"I'll think about it.
But until I hear the details I can't, in good conscience, accept it."

"That's fair.
I'll need to work things out with my *ahem* intermediary.
After the tournament?"

"Yeah that sounds good."

"Hmph... then we are in agreement.
By the way, when is this tournament? I may need to rearrange some things."

"Right. I don't actually know myself.
Hold on..."
Swiping with your hand you create a miniature portal to your home planet and reach through with your hand, grabbing the scouter you got lying around before slapping it on your head and closing the tear in space.

"Hmmm.... That's the portal technique you used in the tournament, correct?

"Yeah but it has a limited range."

"How limited?"

"Eh... Depends.
If I can concentrate it's a couple of kilometers, if I can't it's a couple meters."

"That sounds more than enough for the purposes of combat.
You should abuse it a bit more."

"I'm still trying to figure out its limits.
But once I'm more confident in my ability to keep them open and not cut my own arms off I will.
Now... If you'll excuse me-"
You turn on the communicator and wait for about a minute as Cabba receives your call and picks up.
"Hey Cabba, it's me. Got a minute?"

"Errr... sure.
You hear muttering in the background.
"What's up?"

"I was wondering about the tournament.
Got an exact date for me yet?"

"Errr.... aaaah... yes. Yes!
It's eeeeer... two weeks from now on."

"What's that in Earth days?
My sense of time is fucked in every way."

"A-Aaaa... wai-wait!
It's errrr... S-Saturday! Yes!"

"Is... everything alright Cabba?"

Cabba shouts suddenly.
"S-Sorry Eric gottago!"
And he shut off his scouter.

Hit gives you a confused look.
"What's wrong?"

"Apparently it's two weeks from now on Saturday-"
>Hit then gives you a faint little smile and pats you on the head.
By the rules of qst, does this make Hit our dad?
"Isn't that a bit long?"

"I'd say it's surprisingly quick.
We don't have many places that could host such an event so they'd probably need to construct one..."

Hit then seems to scowl a bit.
"Correct me if I'm wrong... but you're saying you have no arena which could be used for this tournament, right?"

"Yyyyes. Why?"

"And the average powerlevel of your people is much smaller than the rest of the universes."

"For now."

"Then how do they know what specifications they should use?
It's all good as long as only humans participate or those who are willing to hold back against them.
But you said that you'd do an exhibition match against Cabba.
Doing that in a small, enclosed space might be dangerous...
Not to mention it'd be hard for me to hide."


>You're right. I should probably oversee things a bit to make sure it's adequate
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President
>Nah, pretty sure Cabba got this
What the fuck are you talking about?
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President
Well since Hit headpatted us, and headpats on qst are seen as the highest form of familial bond, Hit officially threw his hat in for the bid of being Eric's adopted father.

it's a shitpost mah dud.
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Is Cabba in the middle of fucking our sister?
Time to drop a continent on him.
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President

That motherfucker's with our sister right now, isn't he? It's execution time.
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President
That said, while Cabba's not always the most reliable guy around, he's not stupid - he knows what Saiyans are capable of, he knows how squishy the average human is, and he's seen what we can do. More importantly, whatever else the Sadalan monarchy, elites, and the SDF have in mind, he sees himself as a hero of justice first and foremost, and won't let innocents come to harm through sheer negligence, not when he's responsible for overseeing this.
It's more like Hit trying to bro it up with you but he's too socially awkward and doesn't know how to do that.
So he resorted to headpats

[s]He may have learned that from watching you[/s]
Oh no, I wouldn't do anything so drastic.
We'll just have him spend a week in Makai. A week in the regular universe, I mean - not a Makai week.
You see, this is genius! I completely agree, a month in makai is precisely what he needs.
>Maybe I'll go and catch up with Cabba. Tell him to pass on a few err... "requests" about the arena to the President
Did you just x4 his time there? I aprove!
Come on guys. He's only getting some help with his "tail"

Upgrade dropping a continent to dropping The Moon.
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"You're right."
You respond.
"Cabba might be many things, but he's at least dependable.
But while I trust his ability to oversee things I should probably take my fair share of the burden."
Stabbing the Z-sword into the ground, you transform without the added burden and prepare to open a portal.
"I'll catch up with him and help out a bit.
See you in a minute."

With a swipe you open a gateway to Earths upper atmosphere, away from prying eyes.
Leaping through you quickly transform back as the portal closes behind you and start scanning for Cabbas signature.
"Aaaaaand... there!"

Quickly letting out a burst of Ki you propel yourself towards the Saiyans location and move before any spy satellite could really get a look on your face.
As you get in proximity you slow down before slowly realizing where you're headed.
"No.... nonono....

You pick up speed again and only come to a dead stop right in front of the window you located.
Though you're careful not to shatter the glass pane, you're much less considerate when it comes to barging in uninvited to your sisters flat.
Opening a portal before anyone realizes you're there, you pass through the wall and see Cabba standing half naked in front of you and nearly shitting himself.


"You have five fucking seconds to give me a reason not to skullfuck you.

"P-Please Eric I can explai-"


Elena flies up to you and smacks you in the face.
It feels cold... what?

Looking down at her you see a bag of ice in her hand.
Water is dripping from it at a steady rate. Looking over to Cabba you see his shoulder is not only wet but blue and purple at the same time.


"I'm sorry.
I got a bit... enthusiastic at the constructions...
My shoulder got dislocated pretty badly."

"Ooooooooooooooh.... fuck."
You win this round, saiyan.
If he ever does ask for help getting his actual tail back, we're making it as painful as possible. "Hey man, that's just the way it is - I elbow dropped Caulifla in the spine when she got hers, y'know?"
After borrowing an icebag yourself and cooling your head a bit both figuratively and literally, you sat down and listened to Cabbas story.
Apparently they wasted NO time getting shit done and with the generous funding coming not only from the government but pretty much every nation on Earth things were going smoothly...

Uuuunfortunately they were not nearly fast enough so Cabba volunteered to go from advisor to full on construction worker Asterix & Obelix style, using his superpower to move steel girders to place and raising entire walls on his own.
Things were going relatively smoothly until the incredibly fast pace of the construction started causing trouble as the workers attention lapsed for a second and nearly caused an accident.
A crane operator fucked up and dropped a massive cargo right on top of some poor schmucks.

But thanks to Cabbas supernatural reflexes, speed and strength he could intercept it in time.
However in his recklessness he managed to pop his own shoulder out of its socket.
And judging by the other bruises on his back the damage may be a bit more extensive.
No wonder. A dislocated arm would make even you drop your guard.

"I admit... seeing the knots in his muscles... his bruised body... his muscles..."
Elena nearly salivated as she spoke.
"I had to really hold myself back. But scolding this dumbass was more than enough of a distraction!"
She then slapped Cabba as well.

You sigh with relief.
"Okay, I MAY have overreacted... now.
But I had a DAMN good reason!
Anyway, what's with the hurry? You're really planning on raising this place in just two weeks?"

Apparently King Sadala is not content with just a little parade.
He wants to come and survey the planet for at least a WEEK!
So we really can't afford to wait."
Cabba says.

"Huh. Why?"

"Apparently he's really curious.
Not many planets have fragmented nation states like yours, not to mention You had a big impact on him Eric.
So he really wants to get to know the place. And obviously the parades won't let him do that."


"What's wrong Bro?"

"Saiyans staying here for an entire week?
That... may be a bit too much..."

Elena asks you in her confusion.

"N-Never mind that!"

"Anyway Eric.
Why did you come?"

"Oh well I wanted to help with the preparations.
I got some ideas about making the tournament as safe as possible.
You're not the only one that wants things to go smoothly..."

"Why that's amazing!"
Cabba stands up despite his injury but quickly regrets it as he winces.
"Y-You could help me with welcoming the Royal Family!"

You give him an odd look.
>That's a job for a politician... not me
Something like this?
>Look, Cabba, if you wanted me to bake the universe's greatest feast as a monument to the occasion, you only had to ask.
We need to test out waters with them about amnesties for the girls anyways. Even if he grants our wish would be nice if we have established good enought a relantonship for them to do it bit more happily than they would otherwise.

We may not be a diplomat, but we’re the GoD’s own personal chef - we know how to stand on ceremony when we have to!
>That sounds great! Hey Elena do you want to come with? Give Cabba the smuggest smile you can muster.
Oh nononono!
Ohhhohononono! Ooooooo!


But I will need to leave in half an hour
Okay, scratch that.
I still got a shitload of stuff to do.
Gotta bounce early.

Will afk starting now.
Oh my god.
You monster.
Okay I'm home

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You think for a moment and a deliciously devious idea pops into mind.
As a cheshire cat like smile rolls across your face Cabba begins to sweat nervously.

I may not be a diplomat, but I AM working for the god of destruction after all.
But you know what would be even better?"
Cabba swallows nervously.
"If Elena came along with us."


They roar simultaneously but only Elena continues as the Saiyan is frozen stiff.
"W-Why me? What reason would be there to-"

"Why... you'd need to get familiar with Saiyan culture of course!"

I see!"
Elena coos and Cabba begins to hyperventilate.

"I mean... What better way to learn more about their history, their ideals and how their society?
And not to mention... I have a decent reputation amongst them and since familial ties are so important for them they'd most likely treat you with respect!
You are, without a doubt, the PERFECT representative!
Think about it: Wouldn't it be grrrrreat to tell the tale to your kids one day?
How you met their dad and through the power of love unified two planet- no... two races?
Isn't that romantic?"

By this point, if you were in one of your japanese animes, Elenas eyes would've turned into hearts.
She blushes hard and twirls locks of her own hair between her fingers as she fidgets in place.
"W-Well if you put it like that~!"

And all the while Cabba is having a fucking heart attack.
Because he knows, that you know, that HE KNOWS what... or rather, who will be present that day. And he's powerless to stop it.
hahahahaha. This is gunna be perrrrrrrfect~
There are many ways to break a man. This is one of them.
Now that the bull has been prepped sufficiently you can watch and laugh at Cabbas misery until the fated day of the Sadalan families arrival comes.
Oh you can not WAIT to see the ensuing shitshow!
You already have a few devious ideas in mind...

But just as you're about to mentally cross lines even Satan himself would think is "a little too much" you're snapped back into reality by your dear sister who has no idea what she's in for.
And if it's left up to Cabba she never will because the boy lacks in the spinal department.
"By the way Eric... If we're gonna play representatives then... does that mean you'll be staying?
Poor Cabba could use a bit of help. He practically has to do everything himself."

Surely she's exaggerating.
It's true that he kinda has to oversee everything but it's not like he has to be an organizer.
More like a consultant and even that's a stretch.
But... at the same time, it could be beneficial if you partook in the preparations.
God knows you don't want it to be left up to this guy.

>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
>Nah. I got stuff to do back in space (you'll wait and spend time with the others until the time comes)
>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
Let's put our super-brain to good use.
Heck, maybe we can have the kids help from time to time, get their expertise on architectural affairs and whatnot.
>>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
As much as I want to spend time with the others I think Cabba deserves the help considering what he is about to be put through. Plus, mystery bonuses.
>>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
Please lord let us see the list of fighters while we're prepping.
>Sure. Why not? (This will time-skip forward 1 week but will confer some bonuses)
"I DID say I came here to help!"

We can probably do a great deal with our telekinesis, and yeah, the kids could probably give us some pointers on architectural integrity.
That's not part of the bonus but you WILL be able to see them...
Cabba already made preparations on that front
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If we're helping prep...can we make a secret Hit hideaway for him to hang out?
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>Oren, Kamin, you got any suggestions?
>Hmmmm...how about a Brutalist style building?
>Yeah Eric, the materials are available in abundance at this location and would result in a long lasting structure for minimal cost.
>If I wanted a piss stained square for my arena I'd go to Eastern Europe. Lyn, you got any ideas?
>See, that'd be fucking baller. Take notes kids.
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>Cabba already made preparations on that front
Good, we need to get Pacquiao in on this for sure.
Still need to talk to whoever the Guardian for Earth is or Vados for the top tier picks
Can confirm. This is what Eastern Europe looks like.


Okie doke!
Bring out the dice kids!
No DC this time, higher just means better
Best of 4 as usual

Rolled 18 (1d21)

There ISN'T a guardian of Earth
Can we nominate somebody then? Because that seems kind of important.
Rolled 3 (1d21)

if i roll a 21, then the demon waifu uses magic to disguise as a human and enter the tournament because she's bored out of her skull
Depends. Who do you want to nominate?
But yes, you have the privilidge to bring anyone you want
Rolled 16 (1d20)

Rolled 16 (1d21)

Oh wait... sorry I didnt realize you meant the Guardian.
In that case no. That's in a Kais jurisdiction
Dat's bretty gud
18 bless

"I told you I came to help.
So that's what I'm gonna do. However I do need a bit of time.
Hold on-"
Focusing for a moment your hair flares up as you prepare to open a portal and Elena freaks out.

But Cabba quickly calms her down.

Reaching through the portal you start rummaging on the other side with your tongue sticking out.
Going in blind wasn't the smartest thing to do but now you'll have to live with it or look like a tool.
With a loud "AHA" you pull your arm out and with it, a large glass tankard to the base of which the bones of King Abraca were strapped.
Looking at it in annoyance you rip the jaw off.

"I swear to god Sam...
My swag is not your coaster... how many times do I have to tell you?"
Slapping the familiar old mask on you continue.
"Who knows what kinda shit it infested you with? Don't you remember the Lord of the Rings?
You don't drink out of the dark lords skull..."

Meanwhile Elena is giving you the mile long stare.
"Is that... really necessary?"

You turn around with your arms spread open.
"Nobody cared who I was 'til I put on the mask!
And besides, you are already dating a Saiyan. Pretty sure you don't need even more attention."


Cabba then enthusiastically stands up.
"Does that mean we can-"

"Hold on Doctor.
Now's not the time. That comes later."

"But I'm not a-"

Keeping up your focus, you quickly go back to the Destroyers realm and after explaining things to your kids, you tell them that they can come with you for a week long "vacation with work".
Oddly enough they agree because they are bored out of their minds as usual.
And once they are back, you finally speak to Cabba.
"NOW we can get started!"
If we aren't quoting Bane at every opportunity during construction I will be sorely dissapointed.
Afterwards you got to work.
And even though you told the kids there would be work, the only thing they had to do is help with the plans.
Strangely enough, only Lyn came up with any good ideas like big walls, fancy statues, or making the stadium look like a castle where the twins said "sensible" things like making the structure as heavy duty and minimalistic as possible to make it last.
Psssht. What do they know anyway?

With Cabba and you the workers had enough physical aid anyway.
Though the people working there were smitten for quite a while when they realized they were going to get help from a living urban legend.
But their awe quickly faded once they learned you're just a guy and a weird one at that.
Your antics and constant Bane references made them more... irritated than enthusiastic.
Psssht. What are they gonna do anyway? Stop you?
They are annoyed, not suicidal. Yet.

Sharing the load between the two of you, the construction went fast, really, REALLY FAST.
With the walls of the stadium standing after only an hour, complete with all the fancy masonry and all the seats you could fit in there.
Plus you even managed to sneak in a little, hidden away area where the less... "savory" guests could safely sit with secret access tunnels.
The place was looking glorious.

The finished building looked like a weird but none the less astounding amalgam of ancient greek theaters, football stadiums and boxing rings.
And though the people there were confused about... several of your design choices, particularly the very gaudy decorations, like the various chinese dragons and the vine patterned pillars which held up the canopies resting above the spectator seats.
But most of all they had no idea why you wanted the arena to almost be the size of a football field and have it reinforced.
You assured them that it's absolutely, positively necessary.

All in all, you did a wonderful work and just in time for the arrival of your most esteemed guests.
Wouldn't want them to see the ugly construction sites, now would we?
But there is just one... teensy weensy little problem which you only realized now as you were preparing for their immediate arrival.

You had no less than THREE Tuffles with you...

>Fuck it. Bring them along!
>Show them off but don't tell anyone they are Tuffles
>Take them home. Better safe than sorry
>With Cabba and you the workers had enough physical aid anyway.
>Though the people working there were smitten for quite a while when they realized they were going to get help from a living urban legend.
>But their awe quickly faded once they learned you're just a guy and a weird one at that.
>Your antics and constant Bane references made them more... irritated than enthusiastic

This merits an /x/ thread or whatever it was we moved those to.
>>Show them off but don't tell anyone they are Tuffles
Also, remind me what the Sadalan king's stance on letting the Tuffles redeem themselves was? Leave them to it but keep an eye on them with the genocide bomb at the ready?
I think it was /ayy/
Er... he was overjoyed when he heard you basically performed a miracle and resolved it without nuking them...
Buuuuuut he WAS the guy who had the nuke placed on your ship the first place
>Show them off but don't tell anyone they are Tuffles
It's the safest bet
>Show them off but don't tell anyone they are Tuffles
Okay then.
Hiding Tuffles like they are jews in the attic

>jews in the attic
>flashbacks to training the loli of time
Well... It's not like they'd know they are Tuffles, right?
After all last time they heard the natives of planet Plant were cybernetic monstrosities and not cute kids.
So you'll probably be capable of blindsiding them. Right?

So... with the kids on your side, wearing the full get-up which, come to think of it, might get you a few brownie points. Especially should the king or anyone important ask you where you got it from.
Cabba brings Elena and... most of the world leaders.
This is going to be a fucking disaster, you can already tell.

"Okay guys, ready?"

They say unanimously.

"Then break!"

Flying out the window one by one, and with Lyn latching onto your back, you make your way to the rendezvous and get "greeted" by the justifiably antsy security.
They all point guns at you and you swiftly disarm them at once with telekinesis.
As their magazines fall awkwardly to the ground you speak up.
"Keep that shit to a minimum.
Those pea shooters won't do much good anyway."

But as the President moves in to shake your hand and greet you, Cabba and the rest of the gang, alongside you, snap their necks towards the sky.
"Not now Mister President... They're here."

"How do y-"

Suddenly several flying saucers swoop down from the sky at an alarming speed and only start slowing down abruptly when they get close to the nearby skyscrapers.
The central park was chosen as the area for their arrival and all civilians, except members of the media were politely removed from the premises.
Really the only purpose of the nearby military force is to make sure these daring souls don't get any ideas and try to sneak in.

Tensions seem to rise as the various leaders of the most prominent countries start sweating bullets.
Even the likes of the Russian president are adjusting their neckties as they have trouble swallowing.
As the spaceship lands the more daring ones prime themselves to step forth but... you ain't having none of that.
These limp dicked politicians would be broken in two bare handed by even the lowliest of Saiyans.
It's best to... ease things a bit for them and take the brunt of the assault.
The massive claws of the ship dig deep into the soil and its ramp lowers, revealing... quite a few figures actually.
Two rows of Saiyans wearing similar, spartan themed armor but more regal looking with fancy capes. The royal guard, no doubt.
They stand at attention as the five members of the royal family descend, lead by none other than King Sadala himself.
At his side, his son, and behind him his wife and two daughers.

But before making his way down the ramp the King did a very Nazi-like salute and loudly yelled.
And the media fucking exploded.
Not in the usual way, no. They did not start snapping pictures or recording anything.
They just stood still. Like somebody just desecrated everything they held holy by fucking it in every orifice, then making more holes with drills...
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Are we sure Towa hasn't begun meddling in affairs in a more subtle way? Like feeding all the wrong information to important people to bungle up diplomatic meetings and stuff?

Still hilarious though.
>Cackle loudly in the background.
Not Som. You fucking didn't.
So what if I did? Come at me bro!
How swole is his wife? I'm guessing there is an entire uper escalon of giga snu-snu that is solely focused on getting into a royal's pants that are so strong they can't mate with 99% of the saiyan population without killing them.
Yeah... I haven't given it much thought.
But either she's the Matriarch of the entire monkey race or... she got her position through other means.
Like Olenna Tyrell from A song of Ice and Fire
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You meanwhile, could barely contain your laughter alongside the twins whose cheeks were puffed up as they started blowing raspberries which eventually turned into full blown cackling.
Wiping some tears out of your eyes, you walked up to the man while still giggling and extended a hand to him.

"Greetings your highness!"

"Oh... Welcome Er-"

"Slayer... For now."

"I see.

"Less obvious..."

"Hello esteemed friend!"
King Sadala then grabs your hand and gives you a "firm" handshake. Firm as in, it'd break every bone in your fingers were you not fuck strong firm.
"Apologies for that previous display, we thought these were the most commonly used greetings on your planet.
Apparently someone didn't do a thorough enough research."

You let out a little chuckle.
"Oh I wouldn't worry about that! An... easy enough mistake to make! Really!"

"Anyway, I'm sure you remember them but for the sake of formality let's get through the introduction.
Here's my son and the heir to my throne, Prince Sadala! These two beautiful little flowers are my daughters, Princess Azuki and my youngest Princess Caya.
And you haven't met yet so... My dear this is the first son of Earth... And she is Queen Pinto, my dear wife."

"Greetings Son of Earth.
My husband has told much about you.
Apparently you left quite an impression on him."

"I aim to please my lady."
You then nudged the three little Tuffles hiding in plain sight forward.
"These three children are under my care. Kamin, Oren and the youngest is Lyn. If you are so kind as to introduce yours, it's only fitting if I do mine."

"Hmmmm what strange names..."

Kamin then steps up with the biggest puppydog eyes she can muster and starts crying crocodile tears. Good girl.
"Oh Mister... It was horrible. We had nobody. Me and my siblings we... we lived in poverty, with nothing to our name.
Before the Slayer took us into his care we had no future to speak of. But now we try to live good lives and... and... and to forget all the bad things Dad made us pick new names. A new beginning.
We know they are silly but... it's the first thing we had. So we love them very much."

King Sadala then smothers a manly tear and his voice cracks a little.
"W-Well it can't be helped. Those are very lovely names indeed.
And make no mistake Son of Earth. I am a father first and foremost. I understand what it's like to raise children. You have my sympathy and utmost respect."

"Thank you my lord."
You then swing around and point at Cabba who gulps nervously and brings up Elena.
"And let's not forget about the hero of the day."

Defender Cabba. Or... should I say Captain?"
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"Er... what my king?"

"You heard it right.
For your exemplary work not just on the battlefield but in securing this planet, I think it's time you were rewarded for your effort.
Now stand. Captain Cabba! Stand and introduce this lovely little thing."

Elena did a little curtsey and gave the king a proper bow.
"Your highness."

"E-Eeeerrr... my liege! She's Elena Asulf.
A daughter of Earth. She uh... She's not... a very influential person but she's most certainly a very special one!
I think she'd be a prime example of what the Earthlings could be capable of! And I'm sure once you get to know her you'll agree!"

Surprisingly enough the King doesn't really respond to that, letting his wife lean in and... sniff Elena several times as well as size her up.
Her ladyship gently grabs your sister by her cheeks and turns her head from left to right, observing her every angle before running her eyes alongside the entire length of her body.

Finally King Sadala spoke up... nervously?
"W-Well? I'm not much of an expert in women y'know dear..."

"It's fine dear husband~
Truth be told I'm surprised a bit. Not many females of other species have the fire needed to tame a Saiyan man.
Little boy Cabba is certainly right. She's quite special."
Queen then gently touches Elenas waist.
"And physically fit too. She'll bear many strong babies!"
Her smile seemed equally warm and bone chillingly scary.
Then she leaned in and whispered into Elenas ear.
"And don't forget dear. In Saiyan society women have power over men. For only women can give birth to Saiyan men..."

Finally the queen pulls back a bit and turns to... you.
"This little journey seems more and more interesting by the minute.
But I wonder... Is it just your bloodline that carries such potential or...
Well I'm sure we'll get to see it! I hope we don't impose when we ask you to give us a thorough tour!"


Aaaand that's all she wrote for today.
I don't know where that paragraph came from.
This anon certainly managed to mess with me. I got inspired and just couldn't help myself.
Aaaanyway all of a sudden I'm really excited about this pre-tournament stuff.
Next session we'll get on with our shenanigans. Many of which may possibly be related to Cabba and Elena. Plus the 2 princesses

Next session is... oof. I don't even know.
I got two nightshifts back to back starting tomorrow so...
I can only do a proper session Sunday.
I'll try to bide the time until then with some side stuff

See y'all there
See ya Not-Som, I hope Sunday is the day

Thanks for running!
Thanks for running! I'll keep an eye out for Sunday.
Rolled 15 (1d23)

I was busy yesterday sorry bout that, android of the day was
Rolled 21 (1d23)

No, not android of last run, android of yesterday. Let's try that again
I nominate sam, he doesn't seem like us who would rather spend the rest of our lives in space, and having god be a stoned magic lawyer would be hilarious
>Sam as a Guardian
>A mage high on drugs
For some strange reason I don't see this ending well. Either one of these would be bad on their own. But together?

Aaaaanyway, I got some time until the buttfucking commences for me.
So I'll probably do some writing.
Any requests? Or... anything I missed? I admit my memory is fucking shit but I THINK I don't have any backlog right now

I think I'll start by elaborating on the arrival of the Saiyans.
That sounds fun
Heh.... Android 18 and 21 in the same thread?
You know what that means...
It was a tremendous day indeed.
The entire world watched as the nailbiting tension rose ever further.
Finally it was time. Time to properly make First Contact, to fulfill the dreams and desires of all those men and women whom stared up at the stars and wondered what's out there.
And as such it was only natural that everyone wanted to participate.

It was a once in a lifetime event and accordingly, it broke every record in the existence of TV history.
All the major TV stations from every country wanted to be there and cover it. But only a single one from each country outside the US was permitted access. After all there wouldn't be enough space anywhere outside a wasteland that could fit all of them.
And who would want to do that? No... It had to be done properly!

Generally those that had the largest viewerbase were allowed inside. Even countries like North Korea were more than eager to represent themselves and provide live coverage for their people.
And the demand was insane.
In every single household where there was access to the media at least one device was attuned for "The Arrival".

Literal billions were glued to their TV's and computers, with only the most jaded individuals who couldn't be bothered by the hassle of the laggy and often choppy broadcast not watching them.
But even these select few individuals were engaged in, often quite heated, discourse over the internet regarding the event.

What these NEETs and shitposters didn't know was that they too would soon tune in to these often reviled TV stations to have the laugh of their lives...
Huh, I didn't realize First (technically Second, maybe Third) Contact was being broadcast live. Goddamn, /ayy/ & /x/ are gonna have a field day with this one.
Eh... It's "Proper First contact"
Technically there were a lot of contacts but either it's just Cabba or things the wider populous didn't know or thought it to be the product of tinfoil wearing weirdos and nothing substantial
Hm, you're not wrong. The internet is [s]for porn[/s] gonna have a field day
Shit I always try to use BBcode here and expecting it to work. It never does.
Yeah I fell into that trap as well
It was only the best of the best that were there.
Naturally that included her. She had to fight her way through the cutthroat world of the news.
But finally she was here. After this day, she'll be a celebrity, they all will. And they all know that.
Those that are here have power... Absolute. It is time for them to spin things their way, to make sure they come out of it better than ever.

The light of the camera turns on and her assistant signals for her that things are A-Okay.
"Thanks Bob!
As you can clearly see the crowd is going wild as they await the arrival of the alien royalty.
Things have escalated quite far, as several people had to be escorted outside as they decided to climb on trees to get a better look on things.
While it's clear that the President spent quite a lot on preparations he clearly underestimated the amount of space such a crowd would require. Either that or he simply did not care."

"Yes Hannah, we can see that-"
A voice came through her earpiece, that smug bastard... He thinks he's so high and mighty sitting in his chair. But today, it's her time.
And she'll use it. For now's the chance to steal the spotlight.
"Has there been any information regarding the arrival of our "guests"?
Or were we left in the dark as usual?"

"Nothing has been disclosed as of yet and it's doubtful that we'll receive anything.
Nobody really knows what we can expect, only that apparently a small delegation from "Planet Sadala" will arrive, consisting mainly of the ruling family.
Nor were we given an explanation what that exactly means? We can only guess this means the "Saiyan" species is still a monarchy. How exactly such a primitive society which was proven to degrade women could create an apparently "Universe spanning empire" is... also unknown.
So sadly we can not provide any more information to our viewers until the aliens arrive-"

As she goes on however the crowd goes wild as several spots appear on the clear sky.
Some "funny" reporters even started going "It's a bird! It's a plane!"...
Oh how she hated them.

"However Bob it appears we'll soon have our answers!
As such I think it'd be best for us to stop for now and allow our dear viewers to watch things for themselves.
Will Mister President successfully establish peaceful relations with the first alien species we ever encountered, or will he make another colossal blunder and further prove to our viewers his incompetence?
This has been Hanoi Hannah from CNN!"

She nailed it.
Pulled the rug from right under him.
SHE got to be the one to talk, SHE covered it, and SHE'll be the one to reap the rewards!
Now all she needs is the aliens to not fuck this up for her. Or that annoying Cheeto.
Oh yeah, dis bitch bout to get it good
>Nor were we given an explanation what that exactly means? We can only guess this means the "Saiyan" species is still a monarchy. How exactly such a primitive society which was proven to degrade women could create an apparently "Universe spanning empire" is... also unknown.
....Um....What? Like....are they really trying to spin the aliens ruling a 'Universe Spanning Empire', as being 'primitive' and 'degrading of women' ....why?
Things then got silent.
People stared up at the sky in equal parts marvel and fear.
Reality started settle in. They were looking at an honest to god damn flying saucer.
Many of them felt a choking sensation and had to adjust their collars.

They knew this was happening and yet... somewhere deep down they doubted its validity up until the last second.
But now there was no more denial, no more hiding from the truth... not when Truth was screaming in their face.
This was happening. It's real. And it's here... NOW.

The legs of the massive machine spread out like a spider or some kind of bug and the heavy machine shook the ground as it landed.
Its main door opened with a familiar, sci-fi woosh and the ramp attached to it lowered.
A bright light poured out from the massive vehicle, casting a shadow over the figures standing in it until the eyes of the people adjusted.

They looked surprisingly human, small wonder since that one alien boy was also terrifyingly similar to them.
But these were... different. Taller, more muscular, their skins looked far less fair but not black, only a healthy tan.

Suddenly a terrible feeling swelled up within Hannah. Those outfits... their looks... their fit, chiseled bodies. It all felt like-
The man in the front shouted with a nazi salute.
She literally couldn't even right now.

She felt like she was about to faint.
And she wasn't the only one. The deadly silence lingered but now it felt different, more awkward.
Only a faint snickering could be heard as it echoed throughout the entire park.
She felt like she was about to faint.

A voice screeched in her ear but she couldn't hear any of it.
She was hyperventilating...
And it was that moment when their viewership tanked as millions of people switched to other channels that kept the footage rolling.

There was something else.
Something big. A Happening. Far out of sight, away from the "normies" and all these shill media outlets.
The few anons who felt obligated to watch for the greater whole tapped in...
They sent word for their brothers...
Looks like you beat me there, I might as well just post it
>/ayy/ is filled to the brim with speculation, several anons managed to worm their way into the crew constructing the arena
>The largest current thread is surrounding an anon writing I want to cum in Caulifla's butt in the concrete floor of the presidential suite alongside well done engraving of her leaning forward suggestively and making her hands into a heart shape
>Holy fuck bros I think we got him
>Anon posts a pic of Eric flying
>Ask questions now faggot!!
>Oh shit he was at the restaurant, this man has cummed inside a saiyan.
>All of 4chan unifies in weaponized autism and finds his identity within minutes
>This guy was completely normal less than a year ago what kind of pills has he been taking?
>Does eating saiyan pussy give you magic powers? I will test this theory personally in the tournament bathroom I don't know if I'll survive, wish me luck boys
>Anon approaches Eric
>"You have certainly become a big guy"
>"For you. Nobody seemed to care before I put on the mask."
>"Was getting caught part of your master plan?"
>"Of course."
>Holy fuck
>He is just as based as I'd hoped he'd be
>"Can you tell us about your green wife"
>"Not an accurate descriptor, also, no"
>"If you pulled off her tail would she die?"
>"It would be extremely painful, I would have the shit beaten out of me."
>"Why are your kids albino."
>"The first two I stole from a hive mind, the youngest is what happened when I accidentally fucked said hive mind,I can't give any details."
>"Have you met Caulifla?"
>"No comment."
>"You do realize we are both supposed to be working right now, right?"
>Show him the engraving
>No you faggot, he'll just get rid of it needs to stay there long enough for the King to see it
>A week passes with several eventful threads
>I'm going to sell inter-species porn at the tournament, I need to know how they get tails for reference purposes.
>What do they smell like?
>Are Caulifla, green wife and unidentified snu-snu related?
>Do you think Saiyans are into probing? asking for a friend.
>Then the day came, along with the N-word that was heard around the world
>How can onions ever recover?
>Someone for the love of god give him one of those tranny suicide statistic shirts, if he wears one my life will be complete.
>Why does Cabba look like he is about to shit his pants before he says nigger?
>Yfw only Earth is a cuck infested shithole
>They fancy ones smell a bit like watered down bleach but the rest smell like homey blend of sweat and fresh soil, Now time to see what their abs taste like
>Eric looked down at his phone in horror
>"Cabba I think we jumped on this a little too quickly."
>To iterate his point a megaphone blared
In a small but not insignificant corner of society, inside the confines of cyberspace the good people of the innernet were loosing their minds.

>Throws hands in the air
>Calls us niggers!
And I no longer have sides!

Okay! Which one of you glorious niggers was it?
Which one of you scribbled the word NIGGER on the Voyager Gold Record?


>Based and redpilled

And the shills were trying to make us doubt our glorious space brothers
I'm sorry I ever doubted you queen!


More importantly... who's that QTπ?

/pol/ was right again! They came here to cuck us and steal our women!

Who cares?
We get qt /ayy/gf's anyway.
If they want the roasties they can have them
Seems more than a fair deal to me. Our women for theirs.

She doesn't look like a roastie to me, too sweet and innocent looking.
Besides, you think /ayy/chads like that would pick a roastie over their GODLY waifus?
She must be something special

Whatever, I don't really care.
I'm just here for the shitshow! And boy it is glorious!
This is looking better and better!
Does this mean I'll have to start watching the news from now on?

Most likely.
Gotta stay up to date on intergalactic relations and whether or not it's okay to bang Qt /ayy/s

Like you'll ever stop being a virgin fag.

We're all virgins here.
Anyway, I'm interested now.
I live nearby but didn't really care all that much.
Now I might start going outside on the off chance I'll bump into a stray /ayy/.
Might even check out this "Tournament" they got going on.

Agreed. Would love to be there.
It's just a shame I'm a europoor and can't go.
Have fun in my stead anon! I'm counting on you.

I think I will
Cya fags

Wait... you got tickets????

My dad's a construction worker
They got complimentary tickets
Wasn't planning on going. Thought I'd sell it on ebay
Now I think I'll use it instead. Will post updates once the tournament starts
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Thanks for more fuel. didn't read it while I was writing by the way. The construction idea was pure coincidence
I might consider doing something with this.
But for now I'm done. Gotta focus on work now
Bye som, have fun at work...just don't shoot yourself at work
Who did that? What the fuck?

No I was just making a joke about there being no such thing as fun during work and that shooting oneself is something that might be better than it, not anything serious
Aaaaaaah, I thought you were referencing something specific.
Although I AM feeling quite suicidal right now.
They fucked me in the ass with my schedule.
Multiple night shifts with little to no rest between them.
My entire month is like that.
I only hope next month won't suck so hard
I get the privilege of working two 7-day weeks right now, because I'm literally the only Grave staff available and I don't work in a field where I can just take a day without having coverage.

The extra money is literally the only upside.
And I feel like dying, not due to exhaustion but because I know I'll only get about 8 to 10 hours of sleep before I have to do this all over again...
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Hey, just jumping in now that I'll have some actual free time.
Thread WILL continue Sunday as promised.
And no interruptions this time (hopefully)
Hang in there Not-Som! Make the most of your rest!
Groceries: Check
Cooking: Check
Cleaning: Check

Thread in 3 hours lads
Oh boy, time to not join in until three hours after it starts! Because I'm at work and don't get home until 9am-ish...
Rip anon.
But make sure to get some sleep.
Not resting is bad for your health
This... is NOT good!
You're not even mad at this woman implying Cabba will put babies in YOUR sister!

Whoever or... WHATEVER this woman is, you just can't get a read on her! How did she even know you're RELATED?!
It's obvious she was either chosen by the king for a reason, or more alarmingly, SHE chose the king and made damn sure she'd be crowned queen.
Whichever one is true you're not sure. You're not even capable of getting a read on her power wise!

Trying really hard not to start sweating as the queen practically goes "ara ara" on your ass, you try avoiding eye contact with her. And by the looks of it King Sadala seems to have taken a similar approach and tries his darnedest not to get involved.
Meanwhile his two daughters are... much more than confused.

The youngest, Caya seems oblivious to the whole conversation or she simply doesn't understand what they are talking about.
But Azuki? She's obviously agitated. Nailbitingly so.
You can almost even see blood dripping from her lips as she chews on them.

This... is getting out of hand.

>Bring in the world leaders! This has to stop. Now!
>So err.... What do you think about this whole tournament thing, huh? (Change the subject. Fast!)
>P-Please miss.... Stop!
>Bring in the world leaders! This has to stop. Now!
Alternatively, stop time, turn 360 degrees and walk away.
>Bring in the world leaders! This has to stop. Now!
>I'm taken.
>I'm sorry, but I'm in a commited relationship.

>"And here your majesty is the presidential suite, as..."
>"I've been to events like this before there is no need to go over everything."
>"Cabba, get me and my wife some or that human drink!"
>Cabba without a second of hesitation sprinted to the open bar and filled the largest mug he could find as King Sadala took a seat
>"Some entertainment, a cold glass of whatever this is what I live for."
>As he lowered his head to whip down his entire glass he saw a small engraving on the concrete floor that depicted a lewdly posed fugitive
>The sight suprised him enough for him to spit out his drink
>"What is the meaning of this?"
>Cabba began sweating bullets as a member of the secret service came over to investigate
>"God dammit one of the construction workers must have done this. I'm terribly sorry sir, this girl is very popular on 4chan we should have done better background checks."
>"No, this is good, she has been a wanted criminal for years and this information could lead to her capture. How do I access this 4-chan?"
>Greetings users of the Internet message board 4chan, It has come to my attention that you have come across information pertaining to a wanted criminal, I would be incredibly grateful if you were to disclose any information regarding her whereabouts. A lead that successfully results in her arrest will be rewarded with five million US dollars. Thank you for your cooperation, King Sadala
>Daddy is on /ayy/,best timeline
>There are sick humans that are being mind controled into mutilating thier genitals like pic related, the only way to stop it is to destroy Israel
>I want to watch you fuck your cute wife
>Go back to /qst/ Jesustard, your waifu doesn't exist
>Post your ass and I'll give you her exact location.
>Do you sexually bully Cabba?
>can i be your second wife?
>You will never find the queen!
>Based eggposter
>King Sadala threw the phone against the wall
>"Cabba give me the strongest human juice you have."
>"I need to forget some things."
>Swole pink alien with horns
Please for the love of all that is holy don't remind me of Dodoria...
But she's the most beautiful AND fertile woman on her home planet
>Bring in the world leaders! This has to stop. Now!
>How did she even know you're RELATED?!
Clearly she could smell our blood relation on us. In all seriousness though, it would be interesting if she knew magic or something. That would be a frighteningly keen intuition otherwise!

>Bring in the world leaders!
>Change the topic
“Potential is what this visit is all about! I’m sure the leaders of our world’s most distinguished nation states would be more than happy to oblige your curiosity with rigorous tour itineraries to show you their various cultures after the tournament.”

We stood up to the shitheel supreme kai of hyssop & co.’s home universe. We can handle this.
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>I'm already in a long term relationship

>With the revelation that aliens are real Stand Quest Requiem's player base autisticly tires to find an alien species based on their waifu trusting in 「Fate」 and 「Gravity」to lead them in the right direction
Can confirm, this is exactly what would happen
Hiding behind Trump like a scared boy it is

I would without question prefer if Zarbon raped me... in his monster form
And in those countless years, hurdling through space
Stopped thinking
"I-I'm sorry Ma'am... I am spoken to."

"Huh? Oh dear... You seem to be nervous.
I implied no such thing... But it is a shame now that you mention it.
Nothing better for diplomatic relations and a bloodline than arranged marriages.
And it just so happens we have a free daughter, now that Cabba boy is taken. Two if you can wait..."

Azuki cried out in shame and her entire enter entourage begins to chuckle at her loss.

You start adjusting the collar of your shirt as it starts feeling a bit... tight and you even contemplate stopping time to get a breather.
But you simply decide to end things before they could get out of hand any further and walk down the ramp.
"Mister President... they're all yours."

He pats you on the back twice.
"Good man... Thank you for buttering them up."

"J-Just be careful..."

"Why? Are they agitated?
They don't appear to be."

"N-no... The king is perfectly amicable but-"

"Ah yes, women.
It appears they are still the greatest folly of men, no matter the planet.
I'll handle it."

The man then waves his hand at the guards forming two lines on the ramp before extending his hand to the king.
Things seem to cool down a bit as things have to return to "proper form" for now. Thank god.
Unfortunately... The situation heats up again as you can practically hear the Presidents hand crack during the handshake.
"Whoops... Forgive me my good man.
I tried holding back but your hands are soft like a newborns..."

The President winces, calming down the many soldiers and secret service guys nearby.
"N-no... it's okay! My mistake really!"
He then straightens his back and adjusts his tie, clearly fighting through the pain.

Cabba, a nervous wreck by this point, attempts to do the introductions as was his job originally.
"My liege! This is President Trump... the man I talked to you about.
And mister president, this is King Sadala. The ruler of the Saiyan race and the Sadala Force!"

King Sadala and his people then walk down the ramp finally as the president prepares to butter them up as much as possible.
"We've prepared the finest establishment in the country to house you and your family-"

"And our guards."

"O-Of course, of course!
Absolutely! All your needs will be catered to, don't you worry.
Once we showcase your lodging and you get a chance to refresh yourself, as I'm sure the journey must've taken its toll, we can proceed with meeting the other world leaders!
They have many questions and I suspect you got much more to say!"

A meeting with all the world leaders?
A bunch of suits? The SAIYANS? That's gonna be boring for them...

>Propose something else more... appropriate
>Although it's quite necessary...
>Spoken for...
My god I'm retarded
>Although it's quite necessary...
>Propose something else more... appropriate
At least nobody turned into a dead novelist this time.
>Although it's quite necessary...
Warn president that boredom will be really big problem.

Maybe a mix of both? Obviously there are going to be Saiyans who recognize the necessity of negotiations and dry politics (such as Cabba), and others who are going to be bored out of their mind and will try to start shit to amuse themselves (similar to Califula). Maybe we can propose to split the party so that the more volatile members will be amused while the more diplomatically inclined members of the Saiyan rulership talk shop with Earth's leaders?
>Although it's quite necessary...
Hmmmm I like this
> writing

But the entertainment has to be non-violent or else they might expode a building, I suggest an over the top dumbass action movie

>Inb4 they mistake the action movie for a documentary and believe all humans to be John wick
If they agree I see no problem, just make sure to (politely) suggest it as an alternative.
Please, I think we have enough confussion with the nazi salute. I don't want sayans to start avoiding dogs.
“While we’re typically not innately strong, the best among us possess a singular drive and focus that, when properly harnessed and equipped, allow them to fight far above our means.”
“But... over a mere animal?”
“Few things motivate us like the bonds between us. And dogs are VERY good boys.”
While you agree that it IS quite necessary... having insight into the workings of the Saiyans you really have a hard time imagining they'll have a good time sitting around, talking with a bunch of politicians, most of which will inevitably boil down to them answering a BUNCH of mundane, bullshit questions.
While the King and the President are talking over the details of this "little" meeting, you VERY hesitantly approach the queen.

"Er... Miss?"

"Oh? There's no need for formalities.
Call me My Queen..."

"My Queen, I'd like to make a proposition."

"I'm all ears."

"I imagine most of your people are... less than enthusiastic to participate in some dry peace talks.
May I suggest a more... stimulating activity for them? So that they don't start looking for things to smash right away."


"What is?"

"You seem very knowledgeable regarding the matter.
Yet I only read from Cabbas reports that the two of you only went on two missions together.
That and the whole business with the Destroyer... Strange. Usually the boy is so thorough with paperwork too...
Oh well, must've forgotten about it! Silly boy."

Once again the women manages to surprise you.
Though this time you were kinda ready for it so your surprise isn't as immediately noticeable.
Or at least you hope.

"In any case, I think it's a great idea.
Judging by the power of your people, our guards are only here as a decoration.
So I'm sure they'll appreciate the shore leave..."

"Thank you my queen!"

"However... I have a favor to ask in turn."

*Er... sure?"

"Prince Sadala must remain by our side if he ever wants to learn the art of political maneuvering.
But my daughters don't have the patience nor the interest for it.
Could you be a dear and take care of them as well?
I'm sure they'd rather join in whatever you have planned than sit around with us."

It seems even when you thought you could escape the ire of these women, you are unavoidably bound to them.
Looking down in defeat you sheepishly respond.
"O-Of course."

"Thank you."
While the males are busy talking the Queen silently slinks away and starts whispering something in her daughters ears.
Azuki grumbles angrily but inevitably agrees.
"I understand mother.
Come on Caya. We're bouncing."


As she stomps away she glares daggers at you for a moment but it feels more like she's venting her frustration rather than truly being angry at you.
Meanwhile Queen Pinto then returns to you.
"Tell our guards that they are free to leave.
If they ask anything, just tell them I gave the order.
They'll know."

Nodding you notify the Saiyan warriors who seem to be split perfectly evenly between men and women.
So far they've been standing motionless without failure, giving the appearance of statues or automatons.
Only when you get close enough to touch them do you see any sign of actual life coming from them, their chests expanding as they breathe.

"You are free to go.
The royal family has no need of you."

They exchange a quick little glance before returning to you.
"Who said that?"

You even hear some of them turning on their scouters as they size you up.
"The Queen."

"Yeah. That makes sense."


"So... what are we to do then?"

>I'd feel guilty if I unleashed you on some poor establishment... I'll show you what a Barbecue is!
>Wanna learn more about us? (Take them to see a movie)
>I could show you around. Take you somewhere where people won't bother you...
>Wanna learn more about us? (Take them to see a movie)
I'd feel guilty if I unleashed you on some poor establishment... I'll show you what a Barbecue is!
Light spar and training (focus on skill and learning moves, fighting styles, etc) and then barbacue, let's train our fighting skills and our cooking skills.
>Wanna learn more about us? (Take them to see a movie)
>Wanna learn more about us? (Take them to see a movie)
Groovie time, moovie time

>You seem very knowledgeable regarding the matter.
>Yet I only read from Cabbas reports that the two of you only went on two missions together.
We also went to Sadala before and after the second mission, during which time we met the princesses ourselves.

We really gotta stop with the spaghetti and get our diplomacy on.
"Come, I'll show you more about us humans."

They look at each other and laugh.
"Thanks but no thanks.
That sounds boring."

"Are you sure?
Huh... And here I thought lots and lots of violence would be interesting to you."

"W-What did you just say?"
Hook, line and sinker.

Looking over your shoulder you look at the two princesses.
"How about you? I promised the Queen I'd look after you but I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."


"What are we going to do?
I don't like museums..."

"Ooooh it's nothing like that, I assure you little princess.
I think you'll find it fun!"


Meanwhile Cabba looks at Elena, completely lacking the ability to read the mood and says this.
"You should go too."


"I'm the Sadalan Emissary, so I gotta be there.
But you don't. Besides, you were complaining how nervous you are being around the world leaders."

"T-That was then!
Do you expect me to-"

"See ya! I hope you'll have fun!"

"C-Cabba wait!"
Oh shit.

Looks like Elena will be tagging along.
That... is not something you predicted. Shit.
Although... Without Cabba around...

A devious idea start formulating in your head.
If the shitlord is going to cause trouble for you, then it's only fair if you return the favor.
So without letting anyone see your nervousness you lead them to the nearest cinema and make some... reservations.
If there is one thing you hate about going to the movies, well... there are SEVERAL things you hate about it, people fucking, talking, laughing, smelling or browsing their phones, but for now let's keep it simple.
If there is one thing you hate it's people bothering you when you only want to consume some good kino.
And the Saiyans would probably agree if they knew what that was.
But oh... they WILL!
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So you reserved an entire screening of John Wick 2.
Just for yourself and your esteemed guests.
Obviously the staff needed some help.
They were incredibly flustered once they saw the aliens and even moreso once they heard their orders at the food bar.

But in turn the Saiyans were both amazed and spoiled for choice once they learned you can buy snacks here WHILE being entertained. It never gets old!
You explained to them how you're supposed to go in and just silently enjoy the experience.
However this did not stop the more curious/chatty ones from crowding around you and Elena.
Including Princess Caya.

They were really interested in what this whole thing is and whether it's a recording or not.
"Movies can be either fact or fiction.
But the good ones are those that you can believe...
Like this one. It's not based on a true story but it's believable."
Though they remained skeptical for quite a while, once the action began they lost their minds.
One could even say they went... apeshit.

Even the elder princess that skulked at the end of the row found herself unable to tear her eyes away from what could only be described as "Gun porn".
The gritty, violent nature of the film also helped with making them excited.
Although... you suspect even with your explanation some of them still see this as a definite example of what humans are like.

Once outside, you proceeded to stuff the garbage bins full of popcorn bags and extra large cups until they were practically BURSTING at the seams.
"I don't understand..."
Azuki spoke up finally after all this time.
"You mean to tell me that you are THIS weak but apparently one of you could go on a rampage like this?
You call this believable?"

You nod.
"There are several works exploring the deepest parts of the human psyche, some of the conclude that deep down is something dark and ugly. Others believe that, at our core, we are all good people.
And yes, while we're typically not innately strong, the best among us possess a singular drive and focus that, when properly harnessed and equipped, allow them to fight far above our means."

"But... over a mere animal?"

"Few things motivate us like the bonds between us.
And dogs are more than an animals.
They are our companion, our "best friend". We've lived side by side for aeons now, through thick and thin.
And you bet that they are VERY good boys!"

We don't have a thing like that.
Sayians evolved on their own..."

"I know.
But that's what makes you strong. That's what makes you, you!"

"I guess."

Well... Good to hear that at least it made or think. Maybe even cheered her up.
And now that you broke through her shell, it's time to make your move!

>Hey Princess, wanna hear a crazy fact about Saiyans not even YOU know?
>Hey Elena... Wanna know something about Cabba?
>Hey... Caya... Wanna hear something super crazy?
>Hey... Caya... Wanna hear something super crazy?
>Hey Princess, wanna hear a crazy fact about Saiyans not even YOU know?
>Hey...wanna visit the pet shelter? They've got something for every kind of personality.
Fuck it, let's get all the saiyans pet dogs and cats and lizards and birds and shit like that
And it's not one of those messed up pet shop places either
This amuses me.
Just concerned that they wont whitstand their home planets gravity. I gues a life in artifical gravity room will do or you know them giving them active KI... Somehow.
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>>Hey Princess, wanna hear a crazy fact about Saiyans not even YOU know?
So uh...
Is this meant as a replacement or an addendum?
Kinda don't wanna write until I'm certain
Do whichever is more interesting to write, brah
>Hey Princess, wanna hear a crazy fact about Saiyans not even YOU know?
A'ight, Fuck it!
Both it is

I can see da future!
I'm just so happy that my suggestion for a movie night has granted us more memeing opportunities

Anyways goodnight, please don't add saiyan princesses to our menage a trois that is actually a 4 member thing but not really (yet)
I don't think anyone ever brought that up.
The purpose of this is to fuck with Cabba
at least I hope it is
First, we prep the bull...
"Hey...wanna visit the pet shelter? They've got something for every kind of personality.
I'm sure you could find something."

While Azuki seems... less than interested, her little sister as well as the other warriors are very much into the idea.
Whether it's genuine enthusiasm or simply a compulsion born out of watching a movie about a guy avenging his pet, you're not sure. But perhaps it doesn't even matter.
Remembering seeing a little place not far from here, you take your "esteemed guests" there and introduce them to the proprietor of the place.

To say they were flustered when the tanned, muscle-bound aliens literally strolled up to their counter demanding pets is an understatement of the highest magnitude.
And like the shrewd businessman you are, you even managed to get a decent discount.
After all, it'd do wonders for the places reputation if they could display pictures of Saiyans adopting pets there.
It'd probably increase their traffic immensely. Or at least you think so.

Once the nitty, gritty business side was taken care of and many paperwork skipped, for obvious reasons, you unleashed the eager monkeys on the confused as all heck animals.
Almost immediately the crowd fractures as each member of it gets drawn to a different type of animal.
Cats, dogs, birds, even more exotic animals like ferrets, lizards and even fucking fish get some attention.
Of course, it's REALLY fucking busy as your alien friends keep pestering Elena the nice owner and you about what sort of animal "that" is.

You don't pay much attention to them as you're quite busy, but you do spot what the two princesses, yes both of them, eyed up.
Caya goes for a very smol kitten, barely the size of the little girls paw and black as night.
Though you're not much of a cat person you're glad the little feller won't grow up without an owner.
And the girl seems good hearted enough...

Azuki however is both adorable and ridiculous at the same time.
She stands in place with her arms crossed, trying to look like someone who couldn't care less about the current situation.
But as she turns around on her heel to face a wall she comes face to face with a cage housing bunny rabbits.
One of the little things goes up to the cage, curious about the stranger.

For a while she tries to play the Tsun but she quickly becomes a dere once she nervously touches the little thing and gently scratches it.
In response the rabbit starts stomping its foot happily, snuggling up to the hand petting it.
"S-So cute..."
Can’t let them get their hopes up too much.
"Don't stick your finger in."
You sneak up on the girl and make her almost jump up.

"W-Wha- I'm not-"

"You see that? That little movement?
They are chewing all the time and never stop.
So it could bite you on accident."


"Their teeth keep growing throughout their lives.
So they wear them down by constantly striking them together."

She straightens her back and looks at the little rabbit with a cold grin.
"What ferocious beast!
Grinding down their own bodies constantly because it doesn't obey them!"


"You're a true warrior aren't you?
Very well! I made up my mind! I'll take one of them.
I shall turn you into a mighty companion, worthy of a Saiyan Elite!"
She puffs her chest, as if she's trying to convince HERSELF because it does nada to you.

But now that you got her into a good mood and bought her a bunny rabbit which she just BARELY doesn't smother on the spot with snuggles, you go in for the kill.
"Hey, Princess... Wanna hear something ELSE that's cool?"

It seems that you managed to get to her because she's a bit more receptive now than she was before.

"I know something about Saiyan biology not even YOU do."

She snickers a little.
"I sincerely doubt that!"

"Oh but believe me, I do."
You whip out your phone and give her a sneak peek at a cheeky little photo you got.
You also zoom in real close so she can't see who they are attached to. Good thing she doesn't know how a phone works.
"Check THIS out."

What IS that?"

"A tail."

She shakes her head in disbelief.
"That's a weak lie. Saiyans don't have tails."

"You're correct.
Not normally anyway. You gotta get it out."

She glances at you with a worried expression.

Leaning in close you start whispering in her ears, her face goes beet red and she starts screaming obscenities at you.

"Of course, you could just hit him in the spine, around this region."
You point at your waist.
"But you could cripple him like that and you don't want that, right?"


Suddenly, another voice speaks up.
"What'cha doing?"

You shout.

"I know that shifty look Eric.
What are you doing?"
Elena asks you.

>Talking about the upcoming tournament! (Dodge!)
>Tell her as well...
>Talking about the upcoming tournament! (Dodge!)
>Tell her as well...
>Talking about the upcoming tournament! (Dodge!)
Not much in terms of reaction I see.
Guess Cabba won't be fucked over nearly as hard as I expected.
Anyway, back to our regular stuff

If he gets a tail, he could turn into a giant moon-monkey by accident, thus putting Elena in danger. His relationship with is our sister is barely tolerable, making his presence more dangerous for her is unacceptable.
Oh the tail is coming.
Maybe not immediately but sometime
But not as soon as it would have otherwise! And Cabba won't enjoy the experience. That counts as a win, right?
I guess
But no matter what you picked I planned for every occasion to be bad for Cabba.
So that's a moot point
You quickly and inconspicuously try to lie through your teeth in the hopes that Elena would maybe fall for it.
Without batting an eye or averting your gaze you respond straight to her face.
"The tournament of course!"

"Really now?"
She leans in and sizes you up.

Of course she knows all the telltale signs of you lying.
And she knows that you know that, so she tries to look for the signs of you trying to deceive her.
She may think she had a checkmate, but we're playing Chinese Checkers. The hunter has become the hunter-ed. The chaser has become the chosed.

"Why yes! The Princess has been inquiring about the details of it.
Their warrior culture naturally revolves around the acquisition of power so she's naturally interested in what we have to offer.
Sadly I had to disappoint her that it won't be nearly as spectacular as she imagines, but at the very least we have some surprises in store for them."

"Really? And what's that?"
Elena asks you.

"I'm glad you asked, though I'm not enthusiastic about saying it twice.
For starters, did you know Cabba will face the winner of the tournament in a final exhibition match?"

"I did..."

And did you know that I have the privilege of bringing in a few people I know?
You know... to spice things up."

"I hope you're not planning anything crazy Eric!
We don't need your alien friends beating everyone up!"

I would never do such a thing!
I'll mostly bring them to offer me a challenge and so that our esteemed guests don't fall asleep in their boredom.
But one participant I had in mind would be Sam..."

Have you lost your mind?"

"Not at all.
He may not have volunteered but he agreed to join.
He's been preparing for it real hard."

Elena gives you a shifty look.
"Has Sam been training?"

"Why yes. Like you.
Though... he got a few more advanced lessons than you."
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Azuki then speaks up.
"You mean to tell me your planet has some actually noteworthy fighters?"

"Eh... depends.
I don't know how impressed you'll be but at the very least it should be a bit refreshing.
Most other combatants will fight using purely martial arts and I shall do the same, unless facing a competent opponent."

"Wow. Yours really is a backwater planet."

"Well I'm sorry.
We didn't choose to be enslaved by Frost."

"But wait...
If you don't have high powerlevels, then why did we bring these things?"
She takes off her scouter with her free hand and shows you.

"I don't know.
Why did you?"

"Apparently Cabba wants to use our soldiers to scan everyone who registers."

"Huh... the number of participants must be so high he wants to thin them out a bit.
I suppose the scouters would be sufficient in that case..."

Azuki then slaps her device back on.
"But seriously... don't you guys have like...
Some sort of great, legendary warrior you could bring?
On any other planet people could fill a tournament like this just by gathering the strongest known guys."

"We don't have people like that anymore... Unfortunately.
Really the last man I could call a Legend died some time ago.
And we don't even have that many people known for their fighting prowess in our history books.
There are like... a handful guys at best. And some of them wouldn't be a very good choice, like... our legendary figures were more like legendary killers, not fighters.
Like the Viking who held up several thousand opponents and only died after killing at least 40..."

"Whew. Nice!
Now that's what I'm talking about!
It's a shame you don't have things like that anymore.
THAT I would love to see!"

"Yeah. It's a shame. They are probably in Otherworld nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow-"
You blank out.


"Elena... I need you to hold me...
I think I just got... an idea."




"I'll bring back-"

>Bruce Lee

Really, is there any better choice?
>Muhammed Ali and Bruce Lee

I'll second these:

Maybe also see if we can issue a general call to whichever Earthlings were badass enough to earn a place in the martial arts afterlife amongst the superpowered afterlife, too. Might have been plenty of obscure martial artists who were pretty powerful but were not well known or whose accounts were lost to history.
> Bruce Lee, that viking and PIER GELOFS DONIA
sure he fought with a sword, but beign IRL guts he could probably hold his own bare handed.
Miyamoto Musashi gets my vote
We need a swordfighting display to wow the weapon lovers
Yeah, if we can issue a general call to interested warriors that would be nice too. Leave it up to Not-Som's discretion beyond the vote winners.
> Jack Churchill
Not a martial artist, but he's a good representative of humanity's insanity
At this rate we won't have enough space for the dudes I came up with


These are also great choices. Might also change my vote here:


To include these too:

It might not be so great to have him for a martial arts tournament, but it'd probably impress the more tactically or historically minded Saiyans to meet Sun Tzu or Churchill, or other generals/strategists in humanity's history.

Could always do some rolls to pick from a table of potential volunteers?
S'why it'd be your discretion!
Well as it stands everyone except "Madlad" Jack Churchill, as much as it pains me, is eligible.
I'm kinda on the fence about Muhammed Ali though.
Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't he an out-boxer? If not, what style did he use?

>Bruce Lee
>Pier Gelofs Donia
>Miyamoto Musashi
And maybe
>the berserker of Stamford Bridge
are eligible

Captcha finally let me post!
From what I can find, he preferred to soften them by up moving in and out of arm’s length and then closing in for the knock out. At his prime, his stamina was solid enough to outdance most other guys while he gave them the ol’ rope a dope and he occasionally threw in some unorthodox leans into his dodges.
I don’t know. Lu Bu? Tlahuicole? Mebbe see if Gawain or King Arthur we’re actual badasses that existed and not just hyped up myths? I feel like whoever we send’s gonna get their asses kicked.
You practically begin salivating as a list of names crosses your mind off the top of your head.
"B-Bruce Lee~"
You cry in girlish delight and Elena facepalms herself.

"Oh god."

"What's he doing?"

"He's nerding out."

"Miyamoto Musashi! Muhammed Ali! Pier Gelofs Donia! Jack Churchill! The Berserker of Stamford Bridge! Melankomas! Simo Häyhä!
The possibilities are endless!"

"What are these? Names?
What's he listing?"

"I don't know and I don't care.
Look, he's going to be staying like this for a while now.
It's best if we just leave him to it."

"Won't that be a problem?
Should we really just leave him?"

Come. Let's get outside.
Your pets will appreciate some fresh air.
And you just gotta tell me about your hair stylist! I gotta get mine like that!
It's so wild and gorgeous-"

"My... what?"

As the crowd slowly flowed out the only people left inside were you, the owner of the place and of course, the Tuffles by your side.
Earth to Eric!"


"You spaced out.

"Kids... Don't get mad but I just got the BEST idea of them all!"

"Somehow we doubt that."
Oren responds condescendingly.

"Like how last time you were convinced introducing Champa to coffee is a good idea?"

I'm going to go into the otherworld and ask if I can't... borrow a few of histories greatest fighters!"

"What's the point of that anyway?
It's not like they can compete with you...."
Kamin says but you just dismiss her by wagging your finger.

"Not so fast!
You see, I know a few things you don't!
Apparently if you're a great warrior... you get a body if you die and can keep improving yourself in the afterlife!
Isn't that something?"

"And... you think they'll just let you walk a few of them out of there?"

"I don't see why not.
I'm keeping in touch with several gods at this point.
I can PROBABLY work something out. Maybe I'll have to pay for it in some way but...
We'll see."

"So... are you going now or-"

>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?
>No... Business comes first.
>>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?
We are a man on a mission
>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?
>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?
>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?

This could take a while, best to get it over with quick. There's an r in Gerlofs, by the way.
ooof... I'll get on that
>>Yeah. Keep things under control on this side, okay?

If any Saiyans ask where we are, tell them we're off making the tournament a little more interesting.
Well... good news folks! You're gonna meet King Kai!

King Kai’s alternate universe counterpart you mean?

Or is he pulling shifts for his alternate universe counterpart in a bid to get rid of his halo?
That was a TFS reference
Just remember - no dying! Just visiting and passing through!
"Why do you care?"

"You speak like death has no meaning!"

"It really doesn't! We're literally waiting to go back!"
"Yeah, I think I will.
Even if I don't do it now, I'll need to prepare things in advance.
Please do take care of things on this end, 'kay?
And if the saiyans ask anything tell them I'm off to make things a bit more... interesting."

The kids nod as you walk out of the building and start scouring the planet for any sign of Vados.
Nope. Nothing. Must mean she's back home. Good. With a quick transformation, you opened a portal to her and jumped through.
Arriving in Champas dining room, you rudely interrupt Vados' tea time with your appearance.

"Oh my..."

"Hey Vados.
I got a favor to ask."

"You know I'm all ears when it comes to you.

"I wanna get inside Otherworld."


"Oh come on!

"No. Traveling to the Otherworld must not be done without a good reason, as it'd jeopardize its sacred duty of handling the souls of the departed.
It'd be wrong for me to-"

"Pretty pleeeeease?"


"I want to resurrect long dead warriors of legend..."

"Well why didn't you say so?
Though I don't imagine that'll be easy.
So... Which port do you want to go to?"

"Erm... port?"

Which of the 4 otherworlds do you wish to enter?"

"Erm... mine?"

"North it is!"

With a tap of her wand she whisked you away through space and dimensions until you arrived at the familiar gates of the afterlife.
Walking past the line you manage to both aggravate the ghosts standing there as well as gaining the attention of King Enma.
"You again? You're getting on my nerve you lil' shit...
Do you think this is just a toll gate you can come and go through as you please?"

"Don't be so mean to my student Enma..."

"Ah lady Vados! I wouldn't presume!
Please... state the nature of your visit!
I'd be more than happy to help! After all, it's not often you grace us with your presence."

"Eric here wants to bring some legendary figures out of Otherworld.
I hope you know what that means."

The large devil leans back in his fine, comfy looking, mahogany chair.
"Hmmmm... You wish to invoke the rite for the Day of Remembrance...
Hmmmm... That's unusual."

"Unusual how?"

"I don't recall making a contract with any spirit guide from your planet.
But I suppose I can grant it to you if you agree to my terms."

"What is it?"

"To return the dead for one day you must sacrifice a day of your own life to do so."
You look down.
"I understand that's a tough decision to make. So I'll let you think it through-"

"Does that mean I can bring multiple ones back if I sacrifice a day for each of them?"

"Errr... yes?"

"Aw hell yeah!
Let's do this!"

King Enma stares at you while Vados chuckles in the background.
Just a day off our lifespan? Not too bad, honestly. Besides, we're probably going to end up ageless somehow, by the end of the quest.
"So *ahem* whomst do you wish to bring back?
Beware... the rite can only be performed on each person only once."

"Actually, I was thinking about bringing back a couple warriors from my planet."

"Oh... I see.
Then that's different."

"How so?"

"I assume you don't want just any ordinary fighter..."

"That's correct."

The big blue demon points to his right where an archway leads outside.
"Then you gotta talk with King Kai.
He's the one in charge of those guys."

"Ah sweet, is he that way?"

The road there is called Snake Way.
And it's exactly 1.000.000 kilometers long."


"I hope you had a big lunch...
Also, if you fall off because of your own stupidity then I'd kiss my ass goodbye.
Because the way down leads straight to Hell."

"O-One mill-"

"I'd get to it if I were you."
Ah, I see that Yemma is a filthy communist
Makes sense since he's RED
Aaaaand that's it for todays session.
Next time, we'll be tackling Snake Way and see King Kai.
Well, the cunt North Kai that likes to call himself King.

See ya there.
I'll try to post tomorrow about when I can run next

This is U7 Yemma, he blue
Ehhhh those are rookie kilometers for us, at this point.
we could abuse portals to go faster
It took Goku 177 days to get there.
Granted you are much stronker than him.
It'll still take time
I mean...we're on a time crunch. We could just ask Vados if she'd be willing to help us zip on over faster.
I'm totally willing to do the run, but like any modern man, TIME IS MONEY, and we want to do it in as little time as possible.
Like... that was beginning of Z goku
And on the way back he was much faster, in a DAY
...didn't he fall and have to start over? Also, Goku flew the whole thing in one day on his way back from his training.
Was that canon?
For some reason I remember that being anime only.
Because it FEELS like filler

Especially the two oiled up german gay ogres

Thanks for the run, Not-Som!

I look forward to seeing North Kai shenanigans in the future!
I can’t imagine it taking longer than like, an hour, if even that. Goku pulled it off in a day with a PL of less then 10k. And ours is, what, thousands of times that, at this point? Not to mention we’ve got portals and can stop time and stuff, which will probably cut it back even more. Anyways, thanks for the run, see you next time.
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So uh... I don't know how you prefer it, bad news first or bad news last. But I gotcha covered either way.

I came face to face with the realization that not only do I have a 12 hour night shift today... But right after waking up tomorrow I get to come back for another!

But on the positive side of things I can run on the 15th, although it'll have to be a short one.
AND on the 16th I can come right back.
Why? Because if they like fucking me in the ass at work they're gonna like me running my quest in there as well!
And if you got an idea for an omake I might be able to do one, once the night rush is over with.
That aside, it's free shitpost time
At least OT means more money. It's literally the only upside!

As an aside, ur waifu is shit.
>OT money
Yeah... two months from now

And OY! Say what you want but leave my bed out of this!
>Yeah... two months from now
Yeesh, how is that even legal (insert USA chant here).

>And OY! Say what you want but leave my bed out of this!
Face the facts man, she's a broken money-grubber who's dragging you down! You gotta ditch her and upgrade to a newer model before she drains you dry!
Sadly it's the law.
Companies are permitted to be at most two months late with overtime cash.
Meaning literally every one of them will wait until the last moment before they fork it over

And God damn it, you're right.
It's about time I invested in a Llamia bodypillow.
Beds are overrated anyway
>Sadly it's the law.
>Companies are permitted to be at most two months late with overtime cash.
>Meaning literally every one of them will wait until the last moment before they fork it over
That's fucked up. It doesn't sound like it should be legal, but I can't say I'm surprised it is.

>And God damn it, you're right.
>It's about time I invested in a Llamia bodypillow.
>Beds are overrated anyway
Like your waifu, monster girls are also shit! And a mattress on the floor is just as good as a proper bed...
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N-No u!
>N-No u!
...shit I don't have comeback for that. Um, something something bad taste!
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It may not be relevant but... fuck it!

>Russian Reactor exploded
>People around me start worrying as literally everyone and their mothers watched the new Cherno series
>Meanwhile hardbass keeps playing in my head as I'm waiting for the IRL game of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. to begin
>Being a europoor finally pays off as I'll be in the first wave of the Scramble for the Zone!
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cyka blyat
Rolled 14 (1d23)

Android of last session cause I was busy and no one ever tags in for me is....
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"O-One million?"
You stutter.
"How much is that in non-savage, backwards measurements?"

"Hmmm? What? Like... miles?"
You nod.
"About pfffffft... 625,000 miles. Give or take."

Staring out into the yellow clouds further questions pop into your mind.
"And how don't people starve to death on the way there?!"

"They are dead, genius.
Buuuut... for you that might be a problem.
Though I heard from... questionable sources that apparently the clouds ARE edible, tasty and have adequate moisture content to hidrate you."

"Who even TRIES that?!"

"Stoner devils mostly."

Now it makes too much sense."
Cracking your neck you limber up in preparation for the journey ahead.
"And what's stopping me from just... flying over it?"


"Wait, seriously?!"

Most people who undertake that journey are much weaker than you...
They usually tire out and either resort to walking or fall into hell.
The most common tech I've seen is people jumping across segments.
Just remember, one mistake and ye're done!"

"Huh... Okay.
Thanks Enma.
I'll be back in a few minutes, so be ready to stamp my sundae ticket."

"Already did!
And make sure you do a flip if you fall down, asshole!"

"Heh. Will do!"

Looking at the path ahead of you, you crack a smile.
It shouldn't be that hard. Even if you run across the whole thing it should be pretty easy.
But if you were to be a bit more brave... then you could do it REAL fast!

>Better safe than sorry. Just sprint
>A little shortcut shouldn't be too dangerous. Hop across the gaps
>Just fly nigga!
>Just fly nigga!
>Just fly nigga!
That's like what? 14 trips round the Earth?
Fucking small time.
>Just fly nigga!
Can't we just catch ourselves with our ghetto-ass Telekinetic Flight?
Time to roll to see if you make it or not

Best of 4
DC:8 No crit
>>Just fly nigga!
Add some flips when we take off, no need to fall to be stylish!
Rolled 19 (1d21)

Oh boy, time to critfail and land in HFIL!
Rolled 7 (1d21)

Rolled 1 (1d21)

Haha, I finally got the session
....K, I think I'll stick to Androids of the day.
Huh. Splitting headache while flying maybe? Or a a stray attack a stoner devil who's on a REALLY bad trip.
Rolled 16 (1d21)

Neither, because this quest doesn't do critfails.
You decide to jump up and do a flip before taking off in order to look cool but in the process headbutt the archway and almost fall into the abyss below.
Hissing in pain you look behind at the disappointed devils and the one angel shaking their heads.
Okay, I'll be more careful this time!"

"Good luck Eric.
I'll wait here until you return."

"Thanks Vados!
I'll be right back!"
Your aura flares up as you start flying at top speed.

Rushing past the serpentine road just above the clouds, you begin contemplating what kind of guy this "King Kai" could be.
Or even what are his relations with the other gods. From his title you'd think that he's a big shot or something but since you haven't heard of him yet it's possible he's not even that important.
But unfortunately this does not mean that getting to him was any less tedious.

For about an hour you were flying as fast as you could and you still did not see the end of this blasted road.
You even started giving up hope of ever reaching the end of it all when you FINALLY spotted something in the distance.

Pushing yourself beyond your limit, you rushed forward as the small little smidge slowly grew... Too slowly.
"Is that it? Psht. Even my planet is bigger than this pebble-"

But as you were saying that something... unexpected happened.
A MASSIVE force suddenly grabbed hold of you and violently yanked you out of the sky, causing you to tumble towards said "pebble" at great speeds.


You landed face first in the dirt and through the ringing of your ears a single voice could be heard.
"Nice landing jackass!"
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You try to push yourself away from the ground but find it surprisingly hard to do.
The owner of the previous voice then slowly walks over to you, his raspy voice mocks you condescendingly.
"The planet has ten times normal gravity. So get used to it."

Well... that's something.
But now that you know what's going on, you can simply apply your previous experience with high gravity and use your ki to stand up.
Sighing with relief you look around for the one that addressed you.
"Thanks for the info. Though a warning sign might not hur-"
But there's nobody here.

"Down here, genius."


Standing before you is an incredibly short, bug like man who's so small that you didn't even notice him up until now.
"I'm King Kai. You're Eric.
Now that we got that out of the way, I suggest we get to the point so you can get the hell off my planet."

"What's with that attitude?
I just came to seek your aid!"

Using your favor with higher beings to screw all the rules and come into the other world while still alive.
Forgive me if I'm not too enthusiastic to help you."

You frown at the little manlet.
"Okay... I think we're getting off on the wrong foot here.
Why don't we just... start over so you can explain things to me.
For example, why you have a beef with me..."

"It's not that.
I just know who you are and what you want...
So I'd prefer to just get this over with so you can return to... whatever you're up to and I can return to my duties.
I'm a very busy god you know! Oh who am I kidding? I haven't had a job in millennia..."

>Well if you say so. I'd like to return some humans for our tournament. And I'm told you're the guy to talk to about that
>Well... I'd rather ask a few questions first. Like, what's up with you or this planet?
>You seem rather cranky. What's wrong?
>You seem rather cranky. What's wrong?
>You seem rather cranky. What's wrong?
Wow... That's not much
Okay then
The other guys appear to have died.
My phone's fucked so I can't contribute during the commute anymore. Trust me, it's killing me.
It is the morning of a normal workday in the USA. A lot of players from there might be busy.

I have noticed a bit of a downturn in total voters in general though, kinda concerned...
It's probably the sporadic sessions in combination with the slight lull in the action, if anything
Might be. I only know when the updates happen because I constantly have the tab open and click update regularly.
Oh this is runing? Serves me right not going further than first page.

I just woke up, but I'm here now
You seem cranky.
What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!
Well that's a loaded question if I ever heard one!
To start off I've been stuck on this god forsaken rock for my entire life! Alone! With barely anyone ever showing up!
And when someone FINALLY visits it turns out to be the asshole causing me more headaches than I could count!"
By the end of his rant the bugmans raspy voice begins to crack and he seems visibly exhausted once done.
Boy he must've had that weigh on his chest for a while now.

"W-What do you mean by headaches?"

King Kai wipes some foam off of his frothing mouth as he continues.
"Sorry about that. Kinda pissed off at the moment."
He motions you towards a little, dome shaped hut.
"Come on in. I'll brew some tea."

Confused by the sudden shift in his tone you follow him inside.
You wouldn't call the place spartan, just really, REALLY over organized.
There seems to be a lot of stuff in here but everything has its own little designated corner, drawer or box dedicated to it, and many items of similar quality.
Retrieving a kettle and some leaves King Kai proceeds to brew you a fresh batch of tea like he promised.

You awkwardly take the cup so you don't burn your hands.

"Ah... much better."

"So er... not to be rude or anything but what... what's the problem?
You seem to have a problem with me but I don't understand what that could be."

Setting down his cup for a moment the blue bug-man looks at you.
"Do you know who I am?"

You blink at him in confusion.
"Well erm... King... Kai?"

"Yes, very observant.
But what does that mean?"
He starts ogglling his drink and watches as the leaves whirl in it.
"Unlike those pompous pricks on their sacred world, us regular Kais, at least four of us, are tasked with actually overseeing everything that goes on in the universe."


While they are busy spewing out planets all willy-nilly we are the ones who get the responsibility dumped on us.
Listen Eric. I've been watching your species ever since it crawled out of the sea. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. I watched when you first made fire.
I saw skyscrapers glitter in the night. I witnessed your best and your worst. I've met the best you had to offer and found the experience to be pleasant.
And yet I feared... Feared the day you'd look up at the stars and finally decided you waited enough."
He looks up at you again.
"When I saw that you people wiped yourselves out, I submitted my report to the Supreme Kais.
I told them you were a failure. I told them if you were to ever reach the universe, you'd bring ruin to it...
But here you are, making it a better place. Preparing to join the others hand in hand..."
Reasionable we did nuke ourselves out of existance before.
To be fair, before the whole "entire race dying, finding out the aftrerlife is real and you will be judged, then getting revived and having your whole universe erased then restored to existence" thing he was totally right. All that shit gave the entire species some perspective, knowing that being an asshat or a good person actually has meaning beyond what we give it.
"W-Why? Why did you consider us failures?!"

"For the same reason you got where you are right now...
You're impatient, arrogant and head strong. Eagerly jumping into things you don't understand.
A side effect of your tragically short lives and arguably one of your most dangerous qualities.
I mean look at you! Your constant, stupid warring and infighting managed to wipe you out!
Whether it's an ideology, religion or anything you might get offended by, you'll kill each other at the slightest provocation!"

"I... can't really deny that.
But look at us now! We've learned! And we're trying to change!"

"Yeees but how long will that last?
How many generations will it take for you to forget things and go back to your old ways? To the behavior that's been ingrained into your soul from millions of years of evolution?
I mean look at you... you still carry some of it! Your recklessness, while making you act quickly on things, also makes impulsive and prone to setting off chain of events you lack the ability to foresee!"
Sitting back in his chair King Kai sighs and looks up at the ceiling.
"Even Hit told you, didn't he? That "business" is booming? Ever since you wiped out Frost and his Daddy the entire universe has been roiling!
I keep being harassed by South, East and West Kai because their quadrants are experiencing an upsurge of criminal activity!"

"Because there is a power vacuum..."

And even as we speak, a particularly nasty hive of villainous scum is preparing to emerge from the shadows."


"Can't say.
Godly obligations and all that.
Us four Kais may be blessed, or cursed, with omniscience but unless we got a good reason to can't share it with mortals."
He then turns back to you and looks you in the eye? It's hard to say with his sunglasses.
"So... tell me... what is your plan for the future?
Do you even have one? Because so far you've been going around doing whatever you felt like with little regard to the consequences. Only acting on what's immediately in front of you.
And not to mention... while every action creates ripples, yours can create waves! Being the attendee of a god and all..."

That's... a hard question.
You haven't given it much thought really.
Up until now you just felt like you found your place in the universe and felt glad.
And you only really acted when someone or something threatened that.
Do you even have a plan?

>Yes (write-in)
And before anything else I gotta say 2 things.

1.) This'll be a short session due to work tomorrow
However that also means tomorrow I can do a regular one
2.) I gotta disappear for a bit. Gotta make dinner
>No... Sigh I gues you are right I dont really know the riples I have caused but do anyone (atleast mortal) really know the full extent of changes caused by themselves? As I go I might get a plan but while I still don't know things about universe all I really can do is act and gain little pieces of insight. Hopefuly the waves will make things better.

Uhhh, we could maybe, ally with the saiyans?
I mean it's true that humans were until just a few years ago, total shitheads but that whole "it's ingrained into your very DNA to be compulsive assholes" thing is bullshit king kai, the real thing separating us from other species is that we're, from what I have observed, a freaking blank slate without any innate power, knowledge, or disposition towards good or evil.

So maybe it's a good thing that our first handshake with the rest of the universe is with the guys who have made it their entire species mission to protect others and be cheesy over the top superheroes to the rest of the universe.

I'm sure that with their influence,some historical records of why humans acting like assholes is a bad thing, and some education of what the afterlife is actually like, that humanity as a whole can be better.

And come on, you can't deny as far as food and entertainment, we're the best.
>"Right now? Trying to help foster peace between Saiyans & humans, which seems to be going well enough. Also keep humanity alive and not pissing off too much of the known universe, maybe try to stabilize some of the universe and make it a less shitty place. Admittedly I don't really know how I'm gonna do any but the first one for sure, and let's be honest I'm gonna prioritze my friends & family. But I'm still gonna try."

Not like, word for word or anything like that, but a general sentiment of "foster some form of peace and make the universe generally less shit if possible" while being honest about our priorities is what I'm going for.
We did fix the Tuffles.
By causing a civil war, and consequently possibly wiping out the species beyond Kamin, Oren, and Lyn. Though I believe we had plans to fix that shit with the Dragonballs, I think we wished for the side we considered good to gain an advantage or something like that?

Point is, King Kai's not exactly wrong. Then again, who in this universe really has a plan for when they first head out into the universe, much less survives first contact with difficulties?
>> Forgive me King Kai, but I most say. That is...the dumbest shit I've ever heard, and I live with Sam. The fact you think that because I am the cause of waves instead of the idea anyone strong enough could do the same makes me seriously question your godliness. Given enough time, sure we may grow back to our roots, or we may expand into something greater. You cant just be mad your earlier assumptions were wrong and try complaining as if we did you a great injustice for being lucky enough for a second chance. And as for this power vacuum, if you didn't want one created, you would've interfered with Frost. Oh wait, you can't interfere, right, so then why are you trying to meddle with me? I did the universe a favor, and if the next threat is just as bad, I'll knock them down a peg too
Ok so either we wiped out the borg or we unborged the borg.
Both are net positives.
You're not wrong.
I feel like we should probably drop by the Tuffle’s planet soonish. At this point we could just end this entire war by ourself, and save the good guys plenty of lives. Not sure what we’d do from there though, their planet’s pretty fucked at this point, and their population’s probably dropped dangerously low. Let them chill on our planet until we figure something out maybe? Wouldn’t really want to pester the Namekians for more wishes, but Dragon Balls seem like the only really viable way to solve this issue.
Got me fööd
Saw the write-ins.
Time to decipher them and attempt to stitch together a post

Don't forget, we've been here before! The final trial for the Namekian dragon balls showed us that as mortals we're limited in our individual understanding, no matter how far the consequences of our actions can reach. Choosing between life and death was the focus of that challenge, but in the end the truth was about acknowledging our limitations and trusting in the sincerity of our desire to do good through actions. Why do we wanna bring humanity to space? Same reason we wanna bring back our history's best: to show them that we're capable of more than our limitations, and that people can benefit from it.
Heeeeeeeey... someone DOES remember!
Huh, I'd actually forgotten that.
I was actually trawling through the archives to copy-paste the scene flashback-style as my write-in, but I saw you post and figured I should just get to the point.
Hey. Go for it.
I'm still writing. If it's baller enough I'll put it in anyway
Merging this would be something like:
> I guess you are right, but any mortal with enough power could do the same. I don't have omiscience like you or the other Kais, no mortal has that kind of foresight, I just try to do what I think is best for the people I consider "good" or "worth the effort", like the universe 11 guys (I think it was U11), the Tuffles, that fish people I sacrificed myself for or ensuring my people learn a little from the sayans. The DNA thing is fucking bullshit, most conflict comes from the environment and from ignorance that generates fear that generates violence
(specially on earth, where individuals are normally smart and decent people that turns into violent retards under social pressure). A proper education and discipline can turn a race of savages that try to fight and kill anything alive into a group of organized fighters with a functional society, you just need to channel their impulsive nature into constructive and productive activities.
I plan to help humans change and grow into the better version of ourselves: First I need them to get used to the weird shit they are now living, then I'll teach some good, reliable and competent people (decided after I mindscan them) how the multiverse works so we can stop killing each other in holy wars (the universes, the afterlife, the kais, the Hakaishin, the Angels) and I'll give them basic ki, psy and magic so they can defend themselves and defend others. After that I'll tell them to seek more good people (with mindscan) to teach them how everything works (but not ki/psy/magic unless I'm there to ensure nothing explodes). After that I'll delegate into more competent people but I'll always help them if they need it. Also I should check the Tuffles.
Yep, end that war and take the survivors to our planet if is large enough (ask Champa, tell him that more advanced machines means more advancedtools, ingredients and meals, and Tuffles are pretty good with advance machines) If our planet is not enough we could always open a portal from the Tuffles planet to an empty compatible planet, or even the fish people world (remember they had problems getting food and Tuffles can use their tech to get maximum profit from any resource at the minimum cost. That way emwe help two species with one good action.
This is probably abridged enough to work as a flashback:
>A Namekian steps out of the shadows.
>"Tell me... son of man."
>He raises the small candle over the tall one.
>"If I drop this... the life of the man ends then and there. But the small girls is extended.
>Should I do it?"
>The guardian steps back and waits for a moment, mulling over what he heard from you.
>Then with a whisk of his hand he wiped out all the candles at once.

"King Kai, I may be having the time of my life here, but just because I'm not omniscient don't think for a second I don't aim to do right by the universe whenever I end up on center stage. I want Earth to make the most of its second chance, to improve themselves and do the most good we can with our best, and I really think reaching out to the stars is the best way for humanity to do that. Otherwise we're just going to stagnate and end up back at square one like you said. "
"No. I got nothing."
You start scratching the back of your neck.
"I guess you are right I don't really know the ripples I have caused but does anyone really know what sort of butterfly effect they'll start?
As I go I might get a plan but while I still don't know things about universe all I really can do is act and gain little pieces of insight. And hopefully the waves will make things better."
Then you grin.
"But as for right now? Right now my impulses are telling me to try and help foster peace between Saiyans & humans, which seems to be going well enough. Also keep humanity alive and not pissing off too much of the known universe, maybe try to stabilize some of the universe and make it a less shitty place.
Admittedly I don't really know how I'm gonna do any but the first one for sure, and let's be honest I'm gonna prioritize my friends and family. But I'm still gonna try!
Look... King Kai!
I may be having the time of my life here, but just because I'm not omniscient don't think for a second I don't aim to do right by the universe whenever I end up on center stage.
I want Earth to make the most of its second chance, to improve themselves and do the most good we can with our best, and I really think reaching out to the stars is the best way for humanity to do that.
Otherwise we're just going to stagnate and end up back at square one like you said. "

King Kai nods approvingly.
"Good. That's very good!"


"Last time you were asked that same questions you wanted more superpowers.
This shows that, at the very least, you're growing.
All right, I'll help you.
I might even throw you a bone, just to show I'm not a dick."

"Wh-whaddaya mean?"

"I'm telling you I'll let you bring some fighters home for your little event.
Hmmm besides, I think your people could use an interview or two from the boys I've been training."

"Really?! That's amazing!
Thank y-"

"Now hold on a sec.
I still got something to tell you.
Afterwards you can either stop invading my home or come check out the potential participants.
But this is important-"
"There are a group of particularly nasty people who are planning on starting shit and are in a VERY good position to take over the Absolute Zero pirates.
But before you tackle them... think about this."
King Kai then looks at you in quite a serious way.
"Look... Lord Zeno set a bar for the gods to hit...
But that doesn't mean these mouth-breathers understand that.
If you keep going around improving things, our universe will start climbing the ladder. And even though this isn't a contest but rather a test... some of these fickle, stupid and arrogant gods will not hesitate to shank you for making them look bad!"

Are you saying that just because we get a better score than them they'll try taking me out-"
Remembering who you're working for you stop.
"Oh god they totally will!"

"Hmmmm... quite.
While most gods aren't that dickish... unfortunately for You, the bastards right above us on the ladder ARE.
So I'd watch out for assassins from now on if I were you.
And keep doing your best. Honestly, I'm happy about you proving me right. I'm just sick and fucking tired of the other Kais CONSTANTLY moaning to me about "Hurr durr the Herans are making things hard for us! Hail shouldn't have been killed! Nyee nyee nyee!"
BITCH! The Absolute Shit pirates were a thousand times worse! Lay off of me!"

Guess not even omniscience can make a god any less human.
"I appreciate the heads up."

"Eh, don't mention it."

"So what's this about potential warriors?
Did others make it all the way here?"

"Well one did. One.
The rest tried but gave up or... fell down.
Most of your great fighters just got their bodies and said to Enma that they wanna go to our little fight club.
Every Cardinal Kai has one. We occasionally get together and have our boys square off. It's really fun.
But yeah, I only ever trained one of you. It was a really pleasant experience. Though at the time I had to remind myself that he's the exception rather than the rule.
So... Do you wanna come and check 'em out or should I just pick a few volunteers?"

>Meeting living legends? Yes please!
>I'd rather not impose. Just tell them we got this whole thing and how important it is
You know, for some reason I keep thinking that the people of earth are going to be surprised or disbelieving about us bringing back famous dead people back with us, but the fact that they've all died already, all experience nonexistence thanks to littlest God EMPEROR, and are now in the process of meeting aliens might not make this as big a shock as I'd hoped
>Meeting dead legends? Yes please!
>Meeting living legends? Yes please!
It's not every day we get to meet the very best, so if they'll have us, hell yeah!
>meeting living legend! Yes!

But,uhhh do we speak the same language, I mean earth might be a relatively small place, but we're by no means organized or anything, hell just walk 80 miles anywhere in Europe and you'll be in a different place with a different culture and language
Pretty sure they've been here long enough to overcome the language barrier. Better question is how the hell do we understand everyone else in outer space. I assume the Tower of Babel is involved somehow.
>Meeting living legends? Yes please!
They aren't alive though...
>Meeting living legends? Yes please!

Hell yeah.

>Hurr durr the Herans are making things hard for us!

Is this a reference to something? Or did I just forget some race we’ve fucked with that’s causing trouble now?
The Herans are the Space Pirates from that post Cell Games Movie. They were locked up by the Kai's a long time ago only for them to be let out when Goku IT'd to King Kai's planet with a Jihading Cell.
Hence my vote said dead legends.
Finding some dead dudes it is!

"Meeting living- errr... DEAD, legends?
Sign me the fuck up!"

"I knew you'd be interested.
Okay. Grab my back so we can get going."

King Kai stands up and presents his rear to you and without missing a beat you slap your hand right on him.
"Ewwww... pleeeease tell me you're sweating!"

"That's just my natural mucus.
Ignore it"

"I don't think I can-"

Prepare for instant transmission!"
Placing two fingers on his forehead the strange bug-frog-man teleports you instantaneously to your destination.
A planet much larger than his own and with considerably more activity on it.
As you let go of him and take in the sights which has a slightly roman/greek feel to it, with large marble pillars, buildings and arenas dotting the landscape.

"Holy shit...
I don't remember it being like this!"

"This is the part of Otherworld that's reserved only for great heroes!
You couldn't have joined it last time you properly died. But now you may end up here."

Heh... I already got my body back once King Kai!
I'm pretty sure I'm coming here."

"Eh... I wouldn't bet on it.
Trust me, I've seen enough shit in my lifetime.
Anyways, don't bother yourself with these pricks."
King Kai then clears his throat before his antennae start twitching and he speaks up.
"Attention all earthlings!
Line up at your designated area in order.
We got the guy I told you about."

"What was that?"
You ask him.

I can establish communication with several billion people at once and it's not even hard."

>I can establish communication with several billion people at once and it's not even hard."

"Man, I've been SLACKING!"
Man, U6 King Kai seems a lot more competent, informed, skilled, and "done-with-this-shit" than his U7 counterpart.
I mean... even U7 King Kai was inarguably more active, competent and knowledgeable than fucking Shin.
So there's that
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"Fuck... and I thought I was overdoing it!
Turns out I was slacking off!"

"Cool your jets Xavier.
It's a race thing. Don't beat yourself over it too bad.
Now come. We got some meatbags you gotta see."
Leading the way King Kai takes you to the area he apparently chose for this occasion.
All the while the denizens of this place mock and laugh at you for not having a halo.
"I've taken the liberty to ask a few of them if they'd like to participate.
They were... confused at first but some of them turned out to be quite eager.
I imagine they got some wisdom to pass on to the new generations. Either that or they are just bored."

"Is the guy who managed to make it to your planet one of them?"

"He could be."

Upon arriving you see a few people not exactly standing in line, more grouped up and talking amongst themselves. There's even a fucking woman amongst them! Holy shit!
But easily the biggest shock is the one guy you can RECOGNIZE. None other than Bruce, Motherfucking, Lee!
When they see the bugman approaching one of them, a really tall guy greets him.
"Oh King Kai! Greetings old friend!"

You dumb assholes can't even follow my instructions ONCE! Not even to make me look good!"
Throwing his arms up in the air he just turns around and starts leaving.
"That's it! I'm done! Have fun chatting with these dead idiots! Just say my name when you're done or whatever!
Swear to Zeno..."

By Champas thick ass... you're standing face to face with un-living legends!
Granted, most of them you can't recognize but that's mostly due to photography not existing for a while.
And who knows how many of them there are? The possibilities and the happening itself are making your head spin.
How should you... no, how COULD you speak to them?!

>Introduce yourself and explain why you're here. Stay formal and business like
>Start fanboying out
>Just be friendly and try chatting with them
>Introduce yourself and explain why you're here. Stay formal and business like

We're on a time schedule Eric, and for anyone who wants to ask for a spar, we'll get to that at the tournament
>Introduce yourself and explain why you're here.
>Just be friendly and try chatting with them
"Oh man, this is awesome! King Kai tells me you guys already have some idea of what's going on, right? Just so I know for sure, can everyone interested step forward and we can do some introductions? I'm Eric Asulf, by the way!"

That hilarious moment when the originator of the Berseker Rage is here and the possibility never occurred to us.
Shin was also the divine equivalent of a half-trained intern, who only got the job because everyone more qualified got killed and/or eaten by Majin Buu. Not a high bar to clear there.
Here's the thing...
At no point did it occur to ANYONE to replace shin.
I refuse to believe that during the millions of years between Majin Buus defeat and DBZ only 1 Supreme Kai was born.
I consider that a bit of a stupid retcon for Super that throws Shin's everything into a bad light. At this point I just assume Buu also ate the fucking tree, or at least a portion of it, and it still hasn't recovered enough to grow new Kai. A surprisingly large number of inconsistencies due to retcons can be explained in some way by "Buu went on a divine-level rampage and did a shit-ton of damage in the distant past".
Actually, that may very well have happened. Only the kaishin born from the golden fruits can become supreme kais right off the bat. The alternative is training a regular one with promise, and a candidate may simply never have come around. Blame Bibidi for wiping most of the other supreme kais that could have picked up the slack. If anything, feel bad for Shin - he's doing his best to handle what is basically a five man job, since there's supposed to be a supreme kai over each of the king kais to help out the grand supreme kai. Hell, he's technically only the ACTING Grand Supreme Kai - the ACTUAL Grand Supreme Kai is still one with Good Buu.
Keeping it simple.


And after this one I'll have to call it quits.
We'll continue tomorrow
I don't. But that's just my opinion.
Shin was ALWAYS an inept asshole.
And the impression I got from him never changed from the first one.
He basically showed up to the WMAT with a shit eating grin on his face like, ye I'm smug.
Then once people go beyond Super Saiyan 1 he shits his pants because even the mortals are better than him at that point.
Only when Elder Kai came back did shit stop falling apart
It's amazing just how little Shin knows.
Okay Eric, time to get your shit together.
You'll have time to be startstruck later! You're on a timer now!

"Oh man this is awesome!"
With telekinesis you slap yourself on the cheek and break yourself out of that trance before clearing your throat.
"My name is E-Eric. N-Nice to meet you all.
I believe King Kai already informed you of what I'm planning. Just to be on the safe side I'd like everyone on-board with the idea to step forward and introduce yourselves!"

They ALL step forward and they actually line up in front of you.
The first of the four to speak up is the loud and rather tall gentleman, with broad shoulders, somewhat dark complexion and dark hair. He's the same guy who addressed King Kai before.
"My name is Pier Gerlofs Donia! But you may call me Big Pier friend! HAHAHA!
In life I was-"

"A pirate who rebelled against the Habsburg dynasty for raiding his village!"

He stares at you awkwardly before erupting with a bellowing laughter.
"BWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHA! I already like this boy!"

Next is the blonde lady who stepped forward with such grace you'd think she's about to enter a ballroom dance rather than a tournament.
Her hair kept short but a long, braided up ponytail swings behind her.
"And I'm Joan of Arc.
It is a great pleasure to meet a son of the newest generation."

"Jeanne d'Arc..."

"Mon Dieu! An Englishman speaking French?"

"Just your name my lady.
And please... don't insult me. I'm American."

"As am I.
In part anyways.
My name's Lee Jun-fan. But you can call me Bruce!"
He says with a warm smile and you almost have a fucking heart attack in that moment.
Trying to remain cool has never been harder.

As he extends his hand you graciously shake it as well as Piers posthaste and not knowing how to really do it with Jean, you waited until she gave you an indicator and shook hers as well.
That left the last guy, who's been staying in the shadows for a while now.
"And you good sir?"

"I'll give you my name but as far as I know nobody knows who I am.
I'm Sigurd Asulf.
People know me as the Berserker of Stamford bridge..."
And this is where I have to say goodbye.
Stay strong people. See you tomorrow
AWWW shit, grandpappy is here
>Sigurd Asulf

Fucking YES!
Where's beowulf, that ol' fag?
Thanks for the run, NotSom!
Rolled 6 (1d23)

Missed this, here the robot of the day
>Eric's direct ancestor was so much of a chad the english could only kill him by sneaking in a shot to his gooch
loving this (can't post during the day because of a fucking range-ban)

What... did he just say?
No. No way. There is no fucking way.
It must be just a coincidence! Right?

The man walks forward and begins to circle around you.
He carries an ornate looking but very rustic axe. From all the dents and cracks on it you can tell it's been put through quite a lot.
Sigurd himself is half naked, with his hairy and heavily tattooed chest being almost as intricately designed as his weapon of choice.
"When I heard King Kai say your name... I had to check you out.
I thought you'd be bigger."

The fucker is shorter than you...
But with that attitude of his, it's becoming more and more plausible that... NO!
Snap out of it Eric! Get a grip already.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Do you even know what it means? That name of yours?
Or are you that much of a bastard that you don't know that?
There's no point in denying it. You said it yourself. You are this... American."

"It means "eternal ruler"."

At least you're not daft."

Shouted Pier at him.
"Back off Sigurd! We didn't come to fight-"

"Speak for yourself you fucking cheese-eater!
This is between him and I."
The viking then steps up to you and really gets up in your face.
"So what'll it be? You think I'll jump at the call of a little pup like yourself?
Well think again! I'm not spending a minute of my afterlife helping some milquetoast!"
He then gives you a backhanded bitch-slap.

"I suggest you stop."

"Make me. Cunt."

>Punch him back
>Flex your power
>Stand your ground. But don't retaliate. You didn't come to fight.
>Flex your power
Time to flex on our ancestor.
>Flex your power
>>Flex your power
>Flex your power
>Flex your power
I can't wait to see all these guys from 200+ years ago see the present day. I wonder what King Arthur and Jeanne will think of the fate franchise?
Burn it with fire?

Seriously I think moust people depicted would not apreciate how inconsistent and outright twisted their stories are there. I certanly would be pised if I found out some fucks genderbend me and reiterpreted my story to be waifu bait in their work.
To be fair, King Arthur would probably be more pissed at the French OC that is better at everything than everyone else who also cucks him than he would be about the Japanese Waifubait.

Fucking Lancelot.
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Probably what this anon said

I admit, I only watched a few episodes of Fate: Apocrypha but shit got too weird and confusing for me so I stopped.
It was like that one friend of yours dragging you to a party where you only know him. It's awkward, feel unwelcome and everybody is speaking in jargon you don't understand.
At best I can recognize this adorable cinnamon bun and the tomboy knight.
That's it

Aaaaanyway, that's a solid plan
Flexing on your ancestor

And while I do, please roll 1d21
Best of 4
No DC, higher is better
Rolled 9 (1d21)

>watching Apocrypha
there's your problem
Rolled 4 (1d21)

Rolled 3 (1d21)

Who's the french OC?
Rolled 13 (1d21)

These rolls suck.
Well at least you saved them from embarassing yourselves
Lancelot is later french add on.
Meh just above averige. I guess he is not THAT impresed.
Lancelot was the French OC.
Which explains his strange tendency to seem like the first shitty fanfic character.
cucking the main character
being strongest there is
being the son of the Lady of the Lake or whatever the fuck.
He also murders quite a few characters in his attempt to whiteknight and save the woman he commited treason with by cucking the king.

Basically, Lancelot is a douche.
Yeah he was basicly take that by french. Similar to Astolfo being englis but being colosal retard. Just in reverse as Lancelot was to show how badass french are Astolfo was to show how wierd and dumb english people are.
But isn't Fate... y'know... a japanese series?
Or do the frenchies have shares in it or whatever?
Fate is japanese and dumpster fire when it comes to lore. We were talking about original legends. (And well french fanfic of king arthurs legend.)
No, Not-Som.
In the original Arthurian Legend, Lancelot was added later on by the French.
You have to understand what our "average" would look like to an 11th century Viking.
We should also probably tell him about our antics as the Doom Slayer at some point.
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>Flex your power

>Meanwhile on /ayy/
>What humans do you think are going to be in this tournament
>I got info that Eric's doing voodo shit to temporarily revive earth's greatest warriors
>I call bullshit on that one
>This is a martial arts tournament not the holy grail war
>*you may want to reconsider that last statement*
>Posts image of everyone coming back from the afterlife
>put me in the screencap
>Why did he pull the normal King Arthur that's the worst one
>Prefering the King over his objectively hotter son pathetic
>I'm looking for Mordred now I don't see her
>God dammit this is the worst timeline
>Maybe the king is hiding his son because she's shy
>Your right Morded is autistic, she's probably afraid of the large crowd
>Quick everyone provide emotional support!
>Within 2 minutes a section of the crowd is chanting MORDRED!!! While holding up serverap signs, such as Mordred a cute, Tomboys>All, I want to make the King's son my wife, as well as several suprisingly good drawings for the time frame
Really popular french fanfic that shaped the legend to moust people and made Lancelot exist.
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>Lancelot is actually French fanfic
Oh wow! THAT I didn't know. The Arthurian legend is not a really huge thing where I live. Basically all my exposure comes from TV and as such I'm unaware of fine details like these.
That's hilarious... and infuriating at the same time.
You see him winding up for another strike but you're having none of that.
Raising your hand, you grab hold of his fist. He stops dead in his track but soon you find out he's not all talk. Not by a long shot.
Feeling a surge of power coming from him, Sigurd pushes harder, driving you back as a red aura emanates from his body.

Soon you feel the need to retaliate and start flexing on him with your own power, purposefully relinquishing your hold on your ki to do so.
Your blue ki clashes with his as the two of you have a little back and forth.
He starts grunting and so do you as you put more power behind your push.

The end result is that neither of you can gain any ground on the other even as your auras are fully unleashed and you're focusing on this little dick measuring contest.
But most shockingly, once it becomes blatantly apparent that just by glaring at each other and grunting really loud won't achieve anything, Sigurd stops and lets go of your hand.
As he walks backwards you question his decision.

"Brave of you to back off like that."

"Yeah? Well what are ya' gonna do?
Kill me? No. You and I know we can't do jack unless we cut loose and wreck this place. Which is not my intention.
It ain't no Valhalla but I live in it. And I prefer my house not trashed."
The man then slides the handle of his axe through his belt and, begrudgingly extends an arm to you.
"It's kinda impressive how an un-dead could pull this off.
So you must be worth something. A'ight. I'll join. Just to see how things are in the mortal world."

"Erm... you do realize that's not what "Un-dead" means right?"

"The fuck it doesn't.
You are not dead. Therefore un-dead."

"I.... can't argue that but it's-"

"Shut up boy!"


"And don't call me sir you limp dicked argr...
My name is Sigurd. And don'tcha worry... we'll settle this little dispute in the ring once we get there.
But don't think I'll be holding back against anyone!"

"Wouldn't dream of it."
"But speaking of which...
We'd better discuss how that will go."

"Ah yes. The tournament."
Lee speaks up, stroking his chin.
"Tell us more about it."

"Well... first I'd need to know what King Kai told you."

Jean nods.
"The esteemed lord Kai claims you wish to hold a tourney to entertain the Saiyans."

"That's... basically the gist of it.
But it's more than that. We also want to show what humans can do.
I hope you're okay with that."

"Of course we are laddie!
The Saiyans are the best company we got around 'ere!"
Pierre says.
"We'd be delighted to help you get friendly with them!"

"But that's all we know."
Jean concludes.

Basically we sent an open invitation to every corner of the Earth.
However I fear it'll be a bit dull for our guests. That... and I think giving a few examples to our fellow men is... something we could use now."

"But you do realize we could wipe the floor with just about anyone..."
Sigurd interjects.
"Unless you all became like this, which I doubt..."

"I know... I'm still thinking about that.
Whether to let you fight the commoners I mean.
But I got a... a few people that are very much like us in terms of power."

"I see... This is very interesting."
Lee speaks up.
"And when would this be?"

"A week from now on.
The Saiyan Royal family will be touring the planet in that time.
That should give us enough time to prepare everything.
Unfortunately I'm told you can only get 24 hours on Earth... so I'll come back for you then.
I hope that's okay."

"Fine by me."




That's good. Thank you so much!
And... forgive me for being an inconvenience."

"We don't see it that way-"

"N-No... I mean, I'm sure you'll be bothered once we DO get back.
Just... please ignore people trying to get autographs from you."

"What are autographs?"
Pier asks.

"I'll tell you later."
Lee calms him down.

But this is good.
Looks like they are on board with the plan.
This event will be marked in the history books. It'll be legendary!

>Well thank you for your time. But I gotta get back! Duties and all
>M-May I ask a few questions? (stay a while)
>M-May I ask a few questions? (stay a while)
>Well thank you for your time. But I gotta get back! Duties and all
>So is the fight club fights a private afair or a big spectacle?

U7 had a big arena and other souls watching but we did not get a wind of this when we were dead.
>I should probably give you guys a quick rundown on world events over the past few centuries before you go to the tournament, a lot of things have changed. Also, m-may I ask a few questions? (stay a while)
When Eric died first he didn't went to Warrior Heaven.
He didn't get a body and got sent to spirit heaven, with the flowery fields and shit that Dabura went to
The second time you literally weren't dead long enough to see what Fighter Afterlife is like
No I think I remember like regular no body souls were watching fights in that filler arc. So like tickets or somthing were avavable for normal souls to atend stands and watch.
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Hmm... Looking at pics I cant tell so maybe the stands are full of the dead fighters. Meh not that important either way.
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Errr..... shit!
It's uuuuuh... it's filler!
Okay, I got nothing.
Man, what is gramps problem with us?

I thought he was just doing some weird right of passage shit and was testing if we're worthy of the name

But it looks like he's just kind of a cunt
To be fair you didn't exactly "win".
You just stalemated. So for now he's not too convinced. But he'll cooperate for now

Anyway, I think this means you'll stay for a bit longer
"M-May I ask a question?"
You mutter which earns an eyebrow raise from them.
"So you fight here regularly, right?
What's that like? Because I've never seen anything like that when I was dead."

Lee starts contemplating things, as if he's really trying to remember something.
"Well... we don't really fight amongst ourselves. Just practice.
Tournaments are held between the North, South, East and West. And they are pretty rare.
I've only been in one myself."


"We've been in a few."
Pier says.
"They are great fun! Always got full stadiums too! Don't know where they come from though."

"I do."
Jean adds.
"Apparently tickets are handed out in a lottery. Those that win are exempt from further ones until everyone present has been to one.
Even with our large stadiums it's rare for the average spirit to see more than one, as you can imagine..."

"Oh... That's... Really sad.
Kinda like wrestling but actually real... And good."

"What's wrestling?"
They ask unanimously.

"I.. think I know-"

"No Bruce, you really don't. It's... stupid.
But boy this makes me realize how you need to catch up on a few things."

"Please friend.
I haven't been dead for that long.
I'm sure it's fine. I'll inform them."

"No it's not fine, trust me.
In that time we wiped ourselves out, came back, achieved nirvana, got enslaved and since then we've been trying to get better.
Not to mention the singularity-"

"What singularity?"

"Basically... the more advanced we got the faster we developed.
In those 40 to 50 years you've been dead we advanced more than in 4 or 5 HUNDRED years!"


"Oh, is appropriate!
So I'll try to keep this one brief with only covering major world events and large cultural or technological advancements."
Despite trying to keep things short you find yourself talking to them for about half an hour before you realize you are not in any way closer to finishing than you were 30 minutes ago.
So with a sigh you stop once you feel like you covered at least the most major events.
Lee in particular was nodding approvingly when you told him about the Berlin Walls demolition.
At least it was worth it for that.

But you didn't really have much time to explain to them things like "computers" because otherwise you'd be here forever.
As it stands Jean and Pier were sitting and watching with starry eyes, as if you were telling them some sort of fairy tale.
And from their perspective, that's exactly what it must've sounded like.
By the end they are staring at each other exchanging quips like:
"We've truly come far!"

"Our future is so bright!"

Makes you feel kinda sad when they'll ultimately be disappointed by it all.
After all, times have changed but people surely didn't. Or at least, not as much as they THINK.
It still took an apocalypse and being brought back from the brink for any meaningful change to take place.
Buuuut for now you'll let them keep their childlike wonder and innocence.
God knows, you wish yours was intact. Especially with two monkey girls constantly trying to rob you of it. Not that you mind though...

However, this is starting to drag out and you'd better get back home soon.
Unless you have something important on your mind, that is.

>Ask (write-in)
>Tell them you'll see them in a week
>Tell them you'll see them in a week
>Tell them you'll see them in a week
Had fun now back to tsun princess and her seacretly dere pet adventures.
I’m tempted to offer to look into any loose ends they want us to investigate for them, but that would probably just disrupt whatever peace they’ve come to regarding such things and we might not be able to find satisfactory answers in a week’s time anyway.
Eh... Any "loose ends" they might have are dead as fuck anyway.
Except Bruce Lee. But that guy was as close to Buddha as you could get. So he probably has little to no regrets or unfinished business
Yea that would bog us down.
>Tell them you'll see them in a week
I guess that's it
Returning to do normal things

"Okay guys...
I'd love to stay and chat, I got a responsibility.
I'll contact you with King Kais help when the day comes."

They each nod and say goodbye as they return to where they've come from.
Except Sigurd, who stops and pats you on the shoulder before saying: "Far vel."
You can't really read that guy.

But with them gone, you could focus on the task ahead.
"Hey! King Kai!"


"Oh wow, it really works."

"I'm a god moron.
Of course it works."

"Not to be disrespectful but you don't exactly seem on the level of Vados to me-"
At that instant the bug-creature appeared before you with his instant transmission, scaring the crap out of you.

"You were sayin'?"

"This proves nothing and you can't deny it!"

"Instant is still faster than Maximum Speed."

"Well that seems busted then!"

You need an energy to lock on though.
And you don't want to do what happens if you don't lock on..."
Standing up you dust yourself off as he continues.
"So how did it go?"

"Good... I think.
I can't get a read on that Sigurd though."

"Well, you're not alone.
Guy's been pissed ever since he died.
It ain't bad here but it's not the Valhalla he was expecting.
But you got him to cooperate, right?"

You touch King Kai on the back.

Then we can set up the gateway."

"Excuse me, the hwhat now?"

Placing his two fingers on his forehead King Kai teleported you far away from the sacred Other World.
In fact he has taken you somewhere QUITE familiar, but it still took you a while to recognize it due to the instant environment change.
"This is... WHY ARE WE IN MY HOUSE?"

"Why do you think dum dum?
We need a spirit sanctuary where those idiots can pop into reality.
And this is the best we got."

In that moment you heard a new, third voice shrieking at you.


"Yea it's me shit for brains!
But it's good you came. Quick! I need your help.
I'm outta TP in here."

After aiding your friend in need and hearing the toilet flush you see the slavic girl in her tracksuit stumbling out of the bathroom.
"Hoooo boy, I dunno why you're here but you're a life saver!
Owo, what's this? Another one of your alien pets?"

"Hello there, I'm god you stupid bitch."

"Nuh-uh you ain't.
Eric works for god. You're like a weird... bug-man.
We got bigger cockroaches than you in Pripyat cyka."

Eric, please handle this while I set up the spirit portal.
This girls literal humanity disgusts me."

"H-Hold on! I didn't agree to tha-"
Aaaaand he's already on it. Damn. Well... if it's only for this one occasion it won't be that bad.
But if you want to do it in the future you might wanna relocate that somehow.

Meanwhile Domi, as petulant as ever starts minding her own business, completely ignoring the god next to her.
"So... I hear about this lil' fightclub the Prez is plannin...
I suspect it got something to do with you?"

Didn't Sam tell you?"

"That kurwa?
Nah. He spends all day in his room reading books, only going out to eat some mickey D's every now and then.
Which he did... hence my predicament."

"I see.
Well yes, it wasn't my idea but I had a part in its creation."

"Cool, cool.
Sam is goin' as well?
Is that why he's larping as Harry Potter?"


"Heh, bitch will get his ass handed to 'im."

"Don't discredit him.
He's been preparing a lot-"

"Come oooon... He's Sam!
You know and I know that he couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the bottom. That cokebrain will get eaten alive no matter how strong he is!
Especially if he gets paired up with me!"

"Yeah, I guess you're ri-"
You pause. And remain paused for a minute. You could swear you can hear glass shattering in the background as your psyche fractures.
"Wait... Did you just-"

It's an open invite, isn't it?
So that means I can totes come!"


"Prize money?
I win this and I'll have all the gold I'd ever need!
I'd be set blyat! No end of the month for the rest of all months! EVER!"


>Fine! I'm not even gonna question it! Have fun getting yourself killed!
>That... That's a real bad idea!
>Explain to her how you're bringing literal dead legends back to life to participate! Maybe that'll discourage her
>>Fine! I'm not even gonna question it! Have fun getting yourself killed!
>Explain to her how you're bringing literal dead legends back to life to participate! Maybe that'll discourage her

Oh god I love her allready. Im shure that teling her wil backfire.
>Explain to her how you're bringing literal dead legends back to life to participate! Maybe that'll discourage her
>listen, I'm bringing back some living legends back from the dead to fight in the tournament but you probably won't fight those guys, what you WILL fight are the greatest living martial artists and fighters from around the world and atleast one of those guys knows something like fist of the exploding slavbitch, so it's probably not a good idea for you to come
>"You realize that just because everyone can apply, not everyone can enter, right? We're scanning entrants' power levels, so unless you've secretly been an ace martial artist or developed superpowers while I wasn't looking, you probably won't make it."
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But it's getting close to the end of my shift.
So I'll probably only be able to post 1 and even that might be short
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Slapping yourself on the forehead and slooooowly dragging your hand down you give Domi an absolute "I'm done with this shit" expression.
"Listen... Domi, I love your antics but you're REALLY stretching it this time!
You do realize you WILL fight some of the greatest living martial artists and fighters from around the world! And there is at least one guy knows something like fist of the exploding slavbitch, so it's probably not a good idea for you to come.
Besides, I'm planning on resurrecting some long dead LEGENDS to fight!
You won't end up with them probably but I thought I'd need to mention that!"

"For real?"

"Yeah... for real..."

"And who you bringin'? Atilla the hun?
Jack the ripper?"

"N-No, none of those guys.
But one of them is an actual berserker!"

"Shiiieeet. Any more?"

"No, nobody fucked up like that.
But they are still superhuman!"

"Then I'm not worried.
Y'see y'all martial arts faggots can prance around all fancy like...
But the majority of martial arts are not made to hurt people. They are self defense tools, bound by form, fixed moves and regulations.
You may know how to fight, but you don't know how to hurt someone. Truuuuust me... martial artists are the LEAST of your worries.
Whachu gotta look out for are marine type guys, mercenaries, the type of goons that'll break your fucking arm and make you surrender."

"Oh? And you happen to belong to them?"
You snicker.
"Even if you WERE some super secret badass, I got bad news for you Monster-ho!
We got scouters! All registrees will be scanned for their power levels. So unless you've been secretly RIPPED all this time then you won't-"

Hearing that Domi did what you've never seen from her before. She lifted her tracksuit and the shirt underneath to reveal her mid riff.
You nearly swallow your own tongue when you spot her CHISELED six pack.

"Spetsnaz training...
I told you retards over and over again."

"W-We assumed "Spetsnaz training" was code for "I'm going butt chugging vodka with the girls"!
W-Where did yo-"

"Bold of you to assume I got friends.
And I know a guy. A relative of mine teaches me and like... his daughter plus one of her friends.
So we don't get raped or some shit. I 'unno. Made vodka taste that much better after the exercise, and it was kinda fun so I stuck with it.
I coulda killed either of you in your sleep if I wanted."

"B-But why did you-"

"Stick with two cykas like you?
Because you are degenerates like I am.
B'sides, you two are the ONLY dudes I could count on not to make a move on me."
Domi then takes out a piece of pink bubblegum and blew a balloon with it until it popped.
Okay I only managed to get away now.
Gimme about 45 minutes to get home
>"I coulda killed either of you in your sleep if I wanted."
"...Weird flex, but okay. I'll just be here thanking my lucky stars I dodged THAT bullet. Just make sure you don't ACTUALLY kill anyone if you make it or you'll be disqualified - this is a goodwill event, not the fucking Kumite."
Phew, I'm back
"Oh and in case you were wondering-"
She reaches into the fridge and takes out a whole watermelon.
Placing it between her thighs and crushing it with a squeeze.
"So yeah. I'm more worried about you than Sam.
You've proven already you can take care of yourself."

"...You gonna clean that up right now...
Anyways, you can trash talk us all you like, I don't care.
Not like I can stop you or anything. But underestimate us martial artists at your own peril."

"Yeah yeah, don't need to tell ME that!
It's Sam that needs info like that."

"Okay, then how about this?
Don't. Kill. People! This is a charity event, sort of..."
You shake your head.
"I swear to god... you feel like a mercenary just waiting for the right contract and I feel dumb not noticing that before."

"Naw... Wet work ain't what it used to be.
Even central oonga-boonga town is mellowing down. Now the tribes are content passive aggressively hating each other with HELL looming over them.
And besides, I'd gladly fight for money. I won't die for it, which is an occupational hazard there.
Speaking of which... I heard Sams little bet with you."

"Which one? Who can suck their own dick first?"

"Not that genius!
The money! The dosh!
Am I in the bet? If I make it all the way to the finals and match up against you... do I get the prize money if you win?"

"That's a lot of "ifs" and "maybes"."

"Answer the question dude!"

>Yeah sure, I don't really care
>No. You were not part of the bet.
Shit... dropped my pic
>>Yeah sure, I don't really care
>Yeah sure, I don't really care
Only if you manage to beat Sam or one of the legends after the tournament.
>Yeah sure, I don't really care
>Work it out with Sam.
We're pretty much beyond caring about money.
I guess the tournament just got a little bit more interesting

"Whatever. I don't really care.
Just make sure you go and tell Sam what you did.
And no cheating! You show those guns to him so he gets properly miffed!"

"Cyka blyat!"
Domi then stomped off and slammed the door of her room...
For about a minute before coming out with a mop to clean up the mess she made.

"Okay, I'm done."

"Thanks King Kai... so uh... what did you do?"

"I sanctified this place so it could be used as a conduit to the Otherworld.
Now when you summon those goons you can appear here. And no cheeky ideas!
That's all it does!"

Thanks for your help."

"Yeah yeah.
Just make sure to not cause too much trouble.
If you fuck this up I swear to ME I'll hire Hit on your ass!"
King Kai then places his fingers on his forehead and begins flickering.
"Oh and by the way, I forgot to mention. When you're fighting them don't forget about the-"

You frown.


"Then you could answer as well!"


"Fucking dial tone.
At least my telepathy doesn't work like a phone."

"Are you talking to yourself now?
Have you finally lost your marbles?"

You start walking to the window and after opening it jump out of it.
"Make sure you clean that up.
If you embarrass me in front of Bruce Lee I swear to Zeno-"

But as she shouted you took off.
Flying over the sky at max speed you attempt to locate the Saiyans, which isn't necessarily hard mind you, and beeline towards them.
Landing in the park where their ships are, you spot the news crews shaking in their boots. The guards don't even have to warn them to keep their distance.
Probably the saiyans were hard at work making sure they stayed FAR away from them.

Heading inward you see the various monkey men and gals playing happily with their newfound pets.
D'awww... they'll get crushed on planet Sadala! Yeeeeah... Probably should've mentioned that.
Walking straight to the Princesses who appear to have Elenas full attention for the moment...
Well, Caya does. She listens to everything your sister says, while Azuki is minding her own business.


"Oh Bro! Did you do what you wanted?"

"Yeap... Got uuuh... got something really spicy for the tournament.
I imagine the news networks will melt down again.
And I see you handled the situation well while I was gone."

"No thanks to you..."

Ignoring her you look down at Caya and pet her little kitten.
"You two seem to be getting along!"

Your big sis told us we'd need to pay attention to Sadalas gravity when we get back!
We'll have to stop and buy gr-gr-grabidy composters!"

"Well that's good news!"
You ignore her little blunder and just marvel at how cute she is.
"Wait... THOSE EXIST?!"

Oh yeah! Totally!"

"C-Cabba! You bastard!"
You grit your teeth in anger.
The others mostly seem to ignore you until you calm down.
"So... why here of all places?"

"I figured it's the one place where they'll be left alone and can play with their animals.
Also apparently the Lady Azuki wanted something."

"We're waiting for the crew to finish post flight checks.
Once they're done we'll head for those "Hotels" your leader spoke of."

"Ah, I see..."
You look down at your watch and realize about an hour passed since you left them at the pet shelter.
"How long do you think they'll take-"

"Who knows?
It's ALWAYS the first one that's the longest for some reason."

"Don't blame us! This is still all pretty new for everyone!"

By the way, I believe someone from the crew was asking for you...
Gods only know why."

"Me? Specifically?"

"No, rhetorically..."

>Eh, if it's that important they'll surely come to me
>Sure, I'll go ahead and meet them. If it's that important
>>Sure, I'll go ahead and meet them. If it's that important
>Sure, I'll go ahead and meet them. If it's that important
>>Sure, I'll go ahead and meet them. If it's that important
>Sure, I'll go ahead and meet them. If it's that important
Oh boy.
This could get real funny or real ugly

"Sure. If it's that important..."
Looking over at Elena you reassure her.
"Don't worry, it'll be just a few minutes this time.

"I'm not holding my breath."

Leaving them, you start making your way to the rather robust spacecraft. It's immediately much larger than Cabbas ever was.
And its interiors are much nicer, with some halls even having pictures on them alongside additional decoration.
You aren't sure if that's standard affair for higher class ships or if it's reserved for only the Royal family but it's nice regardless.
Once inside the Saiyans start questioning why you're there in the first place.

And these guys are unlike ANY saiyan you've seen before.
They are scrawny little guys with complex looking tools in their hands and safety equipment like gloves, welding goggles, etc.
"Apparently someone is looking for me? I'm Eric-"

"Oh... Ooooh that guy! The Earthling!
Yeah the Captain was asking if you're available."

"T-The captain? Of the whole ship?"

You wanna go that-a way."

"Err... thanks!
I'll... do that."
Well... fuck you running!
You suppose if you're the fucking PRINCESS of an entire planet then even the ships captain is just "a member of the crew" but STILL!

Heading towards the bridge you pass by a few more saiyans but don't ask any directions from them.
Because despite the enormous size of the thing the halls inside and all the rooms are pretty spacious.
It seems like there's a lot of wasted space but not feeling like you're stuck in a box is refreshing.

Finally you arrive at your destination and as the door slides open with a satisfying WOOSH, you hear this.
"Here's everything sir. All systems nominal."

"Excellent work boys!
Now let's pack up and lock this badboy.
I think we earned ourselves a good nights rest! And then... we'll have our shore leave!"

"Aye aye!
And... Captain Renso if you don't mind me saying...
It's been a pleasure flying with you again."

"The pleasure's been mine.
Frankly... I'm just glad that I could serve on one of these ships one last time."

"Heh... I bet!
How's retirement?"

"Oh, you know... bored out of my skull every single day.
Not having my eardrums blown up every other... It's great!"
>Captain Renso

Ah shit, here we go
>Captain Renso
...OH SHIT. And here I thought we were going to have to go track HIM down!
File: maxresdefault.jpg (89 KB, 1280x720)
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Renso... Renso... Where have you heard that name before?
Oooooooooh no...

"Ah! There he is!"
The Saiyan captain speaks up with great enthusiasm once one of his subordinates whispers in his ears.
Grabbing a cane which was leaning against the captains chair up until now, he stands up to greet you.
"So you're the man I've heard so much about!"

He limps over to you.
"You've... heard of me?"

"Why of course I have!
It's not like we came here for the scenery!"
The entire room of saiyans bursts out in laughter.
"But aside that "little" piece of information, yes, I have heard of you.
My student Cabba spoke quite highly of you. And that means much to me."
He extends a hand to you.
"Hi. I'm Renso!"
He gives you the dumbest, goofiest grin which strikes you as hauntingly familiar...

"G-Greetings, I'm Eric."

"HAHAHAHA! What's the matter? Nervous? With a grip like this?
Come ooon! I'm sure you've met worse things than a bunch of greasy ol' sailors today!"
Once again, the crowd goes wild.
"Aaaanyway, that is not to say I wasn't interested in you myself.
I... still got a few friends in the military. Lord knows I didn't expect that blockade to be ever lifted but... here we are!
One guy is all it took! One!"
Renso then pats you heavily on the back and begins leading you to his chair.
"But come! Come! We got much to discuss! I'm eager to see how much of what Cabba said is true!"
Pressing a button he summons not one but several other chairs and has you sit down on one of them while he takes his seat at the throne like command chair.
"Change of plan boys! Bring out my Sadalan wine from the bottom cupboard. The good stuff!
We're gonna get acquainted nicely with our friend!"

Within moments a group of rowdy space sailors has gathered around you, each of them having a glass or other drinking apparatus in hand.
As Renso pours you the first drink he starts grinning once more.
"Forgive me if I'm a bit forthcoming, it's just how we do!
Now come! DRINK!"

>Fuck it. You'll probably need the painkiller (Drink)
>Just hear him out, stay out of trouble and shut. the fuck. UP!
>Erm... I... was hoping we could talk... privately?
>>Fuck it. You'll probably need the painkiller (Drink)
>Fuck it. You'll probably need the painkiller (Drink)
>>Fuck it. You'll probably need the painkiller (Drink)
Let's see dem rolls.
Best of 4...
But this time... the higher the dice, the more drunk you get!

>But this time... the higher the dice, the more drunk you get!
Rolled 14 (1d21)

Rolled 11 (1d21)

Our liver means all the drinks and all the sobriety
Oh if it were just up to your liver, we wouldn't be rolling!
Rolled 17 (1d21)

Come on. Don't be shy.
You know that now of all times I'll crit this shit
Rolled 11 (1d21)

Oooof... okay, now we went from tipsy to full drunk.
Okie doke... I can't really make this any more worse
See, if this was just a normal roll for "hold your booze" everything would be fine!
But that's not fun...
You look down at the swirling, purple drink and swallow nervously.
The saiyans completely misinterpret this and raise their own cups.
"Come on! It's not poison!"

Fuck it. You're probably gonna need the anesthetic anyway.
With a hearty chug you swing the glass back as hard as you can and shotgun it.
When you clear the glass with a loud gasp and a little hiss you feel... weird.

You distinctly remember Saiyans not knowing how to cook. But it seems they know how to distill and brew alcohol.
Or at least... they know how to make a stiff ass drink. Because this thing is foul.
It tastes like vinegar and motor oil and the aftertaste is somehow even worse.
But on the flip side it kicks like a mule and burns like acid.

The crowd around you starts cheering you wildly and the rest of them happily start chugging the drink.
"Come on! Don't tell me you had enough!"
Renso says, pouring you more of their primitive wine like substance.

"N-Nah! Keep it coming!"
Where there's a need there's a way it seems. And these saiyans managed to create a most foul but functional liquor.
However... after downing the second glass the strangeness you felt seems to be growing stronger.
If you had to hazard a guess, based on it's really acrid taste and smell the stuff should be around... 50 to 60% alcohol.
Which is really impressive if this is really wine.

But on the flip-side you're 99% sure there's something else in this thing.
Something your system is not exactly made to process.
And just as soon as you finish the third glass shit starts going south as you start feeling really, REALLY happy.
Moderation and restraint get thrown the fuck out of the window as you keep getting sloshed on this strange brew.
And after you've drank enough of it the strangest thing happened, you began enjoying it.
After that point you didn't even bother waiting for others to refill your glass, you demanded them to do it.
But while the crew was getting tipsy at best, you got positively wasted.

On the plus side the crew really took a liking to you.
They found your drunk antics endearing and in no time, they started singing songs from their home planet.
Not good songs, mind you. They were closer to the drunk ramblings of an irishman.
But at that moment they sounded like the hymns of a fucking valkyrie.
And you sang along with them perfectly, despite not knowing the song or the lyrics.

With the little shanty about the sunrise over Sadala ending the crew erupted in laughter as they started slapping you on the back.
"Man! For a lightweight you're pretty cool!"
Someone cried out.

"Yeah! This is the funniest thing we've seen in a while!"

"Y'know whath's even fhunnierh? *HIC*"

He's already wobbling!"
Renso pointed at you.
"Okay, okay. Shows over! Guys, someone take him off and get him some fresh air.
Poor guy will have the mother of all hangovers anyway. It'd be a shame if he was in any worse shape for the meetings-"

"W-Whaith! I haven'th finishedh-"

"Yeah you did..."
Renso stands up and orders one of his men to pick you up.
"Put him on my back. I'll do it."

"A-Are you sure Captain?"

"I got him like this, I'll take full responsibility.
The rest of you should clean this mess up. Otherwise King Sadala will kill us all.
Meet you at the gathering point. Dismissed!"

The crowd disperses and the limping saiyan starts carrying you off of this damned ship.
Despite his bad leg, he doesn't have a hard time since he's such an absolute unit.
"T-Thankhs bro... you're a real *HIC* lifesaver.
Jhusth... don't let my sister see me."

"Sister troubles, huh?
I know that feeling. Got my own. Truth be told I'm equally terrified and proud of her.
And don't know which I feel stronger."

"I know... I know...
Thath's why I called you bro, y'know!"

"Heh, well... I suppose I was called weirder things by friends.
So why not?"

"N-Nho bro... I mean *HIC* we'll be brothers soon anyway.
Might as well get used to it."


"Oh yeeeeeah... I tothally forgot!
Caulifla and Kale are coming here... So I'd like that to be our little secret.
And... I *HIC* I'd appreciate your help... Like, I wanna make her happy and heard she's close to you so I'd thought you could maybe *SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*"

Meanwhile Renso looks forward with an uncomfortable glare.
Like a man that must explain to his paraplegic daughter that her dream of becoming a ballerina will never come true.
Aaaaand that's it for today.

I know it wasn't ideal but I hope you enjoyed yourselves none the less.
Next thread is... questionable.
I'll try squeezing in a session in the weekend but I can only say anything concrete tomorrow

Take care until then
>And after you've drank enough of it the strangest thing happened, you began enjoying it.
That's how you know you've had too much.
Rolled 21 (1d23)

Something something waifus get
Glutton Majin droid is indeed among the best of waifus.
File: thicc-tail21.png (192 KB, 518x810)
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192 KB PNG
Damn straight

I got hold of my schedule and it's not looking good.
So I'm gonna try something... new
We'll do things on Monday, starting around the usual time slot. However there are two caveats to this and 1 upside.

1st: I'll have to take a roughly 1 hour break when I come into my workplace
2nd: For roughly.... 4 to 6 hours after that updates will be sparce
However... On the upside the thread will keep chugging along WAY after that. For about another 4 to 6 hours.
Meaning finally all y'all amerifags will finally have a thread in a normal time
Eh... I think it's fitting
Unlike Cabba, Eric would want to just handle it straight but he's too much of a spaghetti spilling sperg to do it sober.
So he got fucking wasted and got it over with.
Like amputating a limb in wartime

Also, I think it's been a while since we heard from U7.
And I got juuuuuust the omake for it.
Will post it sometime later this evening
Planet Wampa, a desolate rock only capable of sustaining the most resilient, cruel and brutal of life forms.
On this barren planetoid one can find a cozy little house which a trio of aliens call home.
For the time at least.

Inside two of them were having a little heart to heart.
"Ugh... Can you believe this guy Lemo?
He just... waltzes in, gives us free stuff and thinks we're all buddy buddy all of a sudden!"

"Hey, as long as he doesn't ask anything in turn..."

"That's what I'm saying!
Sure, he keeps showing up and gives us food for basically free.
But how long will that last? Soon enough he'll show up all "Heeeey! Remember when I helped you guys? Time to pay up!"
Don't you agree?"

"I see where you're coming from.
But so what? It's not like we got much of a choice."

"Couldn't you like... I 'unno cook something?
You're old and... Knowledgeable?"

"I lived as a mercenary and ate military rations for most of my life.
At best I can fry or grill some meat... but it's not like there's an abundance of that on Wampa.
Broly won't kill any of the dogs and the bugs, well... they don't pack much if you know what I'm saying.
Besides, shouldn't YOU know how to cook? A young, nubile girl who can't even cook...
How are you planning on getting Brolys attention? The shortest way to a mans heart is through the stomach.
And you can't keep feeding him protein bars, you'll give him a constipation!"

"Shaddup you old, wrinkly old geezer!"


"Well anyway, I know we can't do much about it but I still don't like it!"

"Well... then I'm sure you won't mind if I take one of those meat buns-"

"HEY! Get your hands off of my buns!
Those are mine!"

"Heh... and here I thought you were a girl of principles!"

"I may have principles. But I won't starve for them!"

"Spoken like a true soldier of fortune."

"I prefer... opportunistic scoundrel!"
The two of them briefly returned to their microwaved meals before another quake shook the very foundation of the planet and by extension, their home.
"Ugh... can... he just... STOP? For like one second?!"

"Relax Cheelai...
Let them have their fun."
File: 175838371-288-k923396.jpg (30 KB, 288x450)
30 KB
"Fun?! Is THAT what you call this?
I thought we established that Broly doesn't like fighting!
Without his dad there is no reason for him to do so, but this Kakarot-"

How old are you exactly?"

You know it's not exactly polite to ask a girl her age.
Why do you ask anyway?"

"Because I assume you weren't exactly "alive" back when the Saiyans were around."

I only ever heard of them in stories my mom used to tell me when she wanted to scare me into obedience.

"Well there's the problem.
Look, I'm not trying to insult your ma' but fairy tales don't exactly measure up to reality."

"Have you ever met one?"

"If I did I probably wouldn't be here.
No... Back in the Frieza Forces heyday not one day passed without someone worrying about the Saiyans.
They were a thing of fear and reverence. And whenever someone had to work with them, they usually didn't survive.
That's because the only people stronger than them were Friezas very best, his bodyguards and the Ginyu Force.
But even they were scared of the monkeys because there was just so many of them..."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm trying to illustrate that they weren't called a Warrior Race for nothing.
They were savage, bloodthirsty and worst of all... they liked it.
If you had a prime planet that you could sell for a hefty sum but had an inconvenient "population" in the way you sent these guys.
Because the Saiyans were pretty much the only guys who could send down a four man kill-team and wipe the planet clean. No glassing, no blowing up the planet. Boom.
Just gone."

"Yeah but Broly's not like that-"

"Is he though?
Look, I'm not saying Broly is like them...
He's an innocent boy that had a shitty old man that turned him into a weapon. I'm convinced if he grew up literally anywhere else he'd be innocent as a lamb-"

"Then what ARE you saying?!"

"That blood is thicker than water...
Whether we like it or not, Broly is a Saiyan. Like his father and all the rest before him.
And that means that even if we don't like it, even if HE doesn't like it... at some deeper level he's like that Kakarot guy.
Don't tell me you actually believe at some level he's not enjoying fighting..."
Cheelai grits her teeth in frustration.

Meanwhile, outside...

Goku threw a punch which was blocked by his sparring partner.
The already ravaged landscape around them further deteriorated as the shock of their blows reverberated through the rocks, cracking them and turning them into dust.

"Hehe! You're getting better at this Broly!
Alright... Now it's your turn!"

"Thank... you."

Pulling his fist back Broly smacked Gokus forearms, flinging him back as if he was weightless.
With a great amount of ki expelled from his body the Saiyan barely managed to stop himself in the air.
"Heh... nice!
With a little more practice I'm sure we can get you to handle that awesome power of yours."


"Come on, why the long face?
I just said you're improving!"

"It still feels... slow."

"Well you can't just improve overnight!
But with talent like yours, I'm sure that in no time you'll get that rage under control!
Trust me!"



"You visit... often now.

"Hihihi! Weeeell... Let's just say I'm getting excited!
I thought after the Tournament of Power I was reaching the end. I met the strongest people in all universes except 4.
But now... More and more awesome guys like you keep popping up!
I think I'm going to have a lot of fun real soon!"


"Oh yeah!
There's this one guy I met who's super talented. Just like you!
In a few months he became super strong!
Oh and he's a real nice guy too! I think you'd like him. He makes some GREAT food!"

"Makes... food?"

"Oh, you bet!"
Goku then looked around, as if to check no-one was listening.
"He cooks even better than my wife! But don't tell her I said that!"

"What's a... wife?"

"Hmmmm... That's a good question.
I guess it's a girl you really like being with... though you might have to live together as well."

"So Cheelai... my wife?"

"Hmmmm... I guess so!"
And that's about what I had in mind.
I'll be returning tomorrow and we'll see how that works out.
But depending on how far the thread falls I might make a new one

Thanks for the Omake, Not-Som!

I only curse my work schedule for making me work when you're going live. But be sure to not get into trouble while you're doing that at work! RL takes precedence over everything!
Of course.
Which is why I said "It will be slow".
As in fucking slow. Once I'm done with the brunt of it, I'll hopefully pick up some speed.
And it's fine. I've been doing threads while at work for a while now. It's just that I haven't been assigned to the dayshift in AGES

Plus, I did say I'll "try".
If things get hectic and I'll have to really put some effort into the job I might stop altogether
>"I guess it's a girl you really like being with... though you might have to live together as well."
>"So Cheelai... my wife?"
>"Hmmmm... I guess so!"

Oh Goku, how can you be so right and yet so wrong at the same time?
its goku
The words lingered in Rensos mind, so much so that he felt like they were consuming him.
It was too much! He had to... he had to... he had to clear this up!

Carrying the unconscious human on his back to the infirmary as fast as his bad leg could carry him, he located one of the pods and got to work.
Placing a respirator on Eric, he thrust him in quickly and turned the machine on. Swiftly the device filled with healing spooge which began seeping in the humans body through his pores.
Through careful monitoring Renso watched as the "unwanted substances" were flushed from the humans system before turning the machine off.

Taking Eric out, he cracked open a small cartridge of smelling salts and raised it to Erics head.
Soon enough... they got to work.

"GAH! Wha?!"

"Welcome back."

"Uuuuuh... what happened?"

"Nothing. You just drank a bit hard."

"Odd... I'm feeling fine.
Why are my clothes drenched?"

"Don't think about it.
Here, have some water."

You took the cap off the container and started chugging on that sweet, sweet H2O your body craved.

"So... what was that about my sister?"

Without missing a beat you spat all the water right on the poor Saiyan who began wiping his face clean, using his shirt.
Well... this is awkward.

>Come clean
>Start begging him to not beat you up preemptively
>I don't know what you're talking about ! (lie)
>Come clean
>>Come clean
>Also beg for your life if need be, since you and Caulifla are also dating Kale. He probably won't take that well.
>Come clean
Well Renso is about to get shook

How do I put this-"

"How about you just tell me?"

Taking a deep breath before exhaling you try to gather up your courage before Rensos patience runs thin and finally blurt out.
"I'm... I invited Caulifla to come here!"
You close your eyes and look away nervously but when nothing happens you open one of them to look at Renso.

"Well do go on. This is interesting.
Don't stop just because of me.
For starters you could tell me what the hell you were thinking."

"Well I... thought they'd enjoy it?"

"They? Oh no! Don't tell me-
You roped Kale into this as well?"

You hiss awkwardly.
"Look, I know how that sounds but I took some precautions.
They'll be out of sight and out of mind. Nobody will know they're even here.
And once I win the tournament I'll ask King Sadala to pardon them-"

Renso takes a deep breath and starts rubbing his eyes.
Listen... I love my little sister and I know what a great talent she is.
But even I'm not delusional enough to think they'll be welcomed back with open arms.
They went rogue, she kidnapped Kale and jeopardized both our families. Not to mention all the property damage and theft!"

"I'll vouch for them!
Kale did nothing wrong and Caulifla is not like she was!
I can prove it too!"

"Okay, how?"

"Well erm... they haven't gone back to their band yet!
For about a year they've been clean!"

"And you think that will be enough?"

"With a glowing recommendation from me? Plus a favor from the King? Yes. Yes I do!"

"And just why are you willing to go to such lengths for my little sister?"

"I erm... I..."
You swallow the knot forming in your throat and finally blurt it out.
"I'm dating your sister!"

Renso pauses for a while, which makes you nervously anticipate him punching you in the dick.
But surprisingly no such thing happens. Instead he starts... laughing at you?
That is the best joke I've heard in a while!
You? Dating Caulifla? And does she know that?
But his tone quickly shifts when you take out your phone and show him a recording of his sister snuggling up to you.
I mean, the girls’ shenanigans seem worse than they are; after all, all they wanted was to get out and live their own lives and the just elites wouldn’t let them. Now that they’re getting their fill of freedom without constantly having to fight the SDF for it, they’re mellowing out quicker and quicker by the day.
With shaking hands and eyeballs bulging outward Renso reaches forward and grabs your phone as he stares at the screen.
Slowly but surely reality sets in and he turns to you in his confusion.
"No way! I don't believe it!"

"Please don't break my kneecaps..."

"You... got Caulifla... to like you? How?"

"Look... I don't know!
I'm just as confused as you are on that front."

"This... is..."
Renso stands up and looks down at you.
For a moment there you tense up because he's breathing through his nostrils so hard that he sounds like an enraged bull.
Then he pulls you up and puts you into the tightest bear hug of your life.

"R-Renso! Please! I can't breathe-"

"Oh sorry about that!"
He lets go of you and dusts you off before sitting down next to you and questioning you further.
"Okay... How about Kale? How did you overcome that hurdle-"


HAH! You are the Man, brother!"
He then punches you on the shoulder hard enough that it goes numb for a second.
"I thought for sure that nobody could court either without courting both. But I thought that's impossible!
Finally! This is the greatest thing I've heard ever since I retired!
And you're saying they're coming? Oh how wonderful!"

>So you're... not mad at me?
>Yes but it needs to be a secret! Can I count on you?
>But now that we got that out of the way I'm curious... What's the deal with the noble families? I guess you got a bit more insight into their workings than Cabba...
Well yeah.
But this is from the perspective of a noble-bright warrior race.
To them these are major transgressions against the entire system
>Yes but it needs to be a secret! Can I count on you?
>But now that we got that out of the way I'm curious... What's the deal with the noble families? I guess you got a bit more insight into their workings than Cabba...

I am curious.
>But now that we got that out of the way I'm curious... What's the deal with the noble families? I guess you got a bit more insight into their workings than Cabba...
>Yes but it needs to be a secret! Can I count on you?
>But now that we got that out of the way I'm curious... What's the deal with the noble families? I guess you got a bit more insight into their workings than Cabba...
Okay guys, I gotta start prepping soon.
So there won't be an update for a while.
But I'll post this anyway


Meanwhile, could I ask a favor from you?
I can't remember exactly but I seem to recall writing that Caulifla and Renso no longer have parents.
Could you skim the archive for me to confirm or deny this? Don't wanna make schrödingers parents
"Yes it is, but it needs to be a secret, okay?
I'll handle things on my end to try and keep them out of sight as much as possible.
Also a couple other people might show up with them, so I've been busy preparing for it.
Anyway, I need you to do your part! Just.... keep it from leaking out okay?"

"You can count on me!
My lips. Are. Sealed!"
Then the big, burly man does a little zip-like motion at his mouth.
"But when they arrive I want to be there! Or at least get a chance to be with them!
I haven't seen my little sister in so long!"

"That's the plan.
I'll handle that myself, don't you worry about it.
However if it's okay with you I want that to be a surprise!
So stay out of sight if you can!"

"You got it!
Anything for my dear little sister!"

"You uh... you seem really fond of Caulifla-"

"Of course I am!
Nothing pains me more as a brother than being separated from my adorable little sister!
Ah... I still remember the days when I'd be on shore leave and she'd tug at my belt just so I'd teach her how to fight.
Good times..."
The sentimental saiyan then wipes a little tear out from his eye.
"When I heard she "kidnapped" Kale and ran away it really hurt, even though I knew why she did it.
Luckily I've been able to leverage some old contacts to get the reports on her. But ever since Cabbas Tournament things were quiet and I started worrying.
How is she by the way? Has anything happened since then?"

Grrrreat... looks like he got quite a sister complex.
"She's... fine. And the answer to the second is "Too much".
I'm afraid I don't really have time to divulge much of it. But I'm sure she'd be happy to tell you a few tales."

"HAHAHA! I bet she would!
She always liked sharing her adventures with me!"
By the way, I'm still not done.
I just managed to sneak in an update before departure
Well I arrived and got some good news!
Apparently people didn't feel like murdering and raping each other today so I don't got much work
AND I got access to unlimited free coffee! YEAAAAAY

...I got distracted re-reading the tournament. All I could really find was that A) Cabba has no idea about Caulifla's family other than Captain Renso, B) Caulifla really misses her brother, not just because "muh onii-chan" but because he was the only guy strong enough to rein her in C) Caulifla and her brother are born Elites, so their parents presumably are too

I think we may have also had a conversation with Kale about Caulifla but I'm either imagining it or just can't find it, but so far, no specifics about her parents.
Yeah... that's my problem as well. I can't find any evidence of it either but in my head it FEELS like that was adressed... Maybe I only planned it in my head and never actually got around to it.
Thanks for helping though.

In any case, I'll just go ahead and say this now.
Even if it was mentioned, it's retconned now for the sake of saving me some headaches. Caulifla and Renso have living parents.
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But now that you're talking about it and Renso was kind enough to not break your back, Bane style, this is actually a really good opportunity to ask him more about their family.

"What sparked that whole thing anyway? I heard about some arranged marriage thing and... frankly I see why she'd leave because of that.
But the way you're describing it she really liked being with you.
And while we're at it could you describe the whole deal with nobles?
Cabba tried his best but... let's face it, he's an onlooker."

"Yeeeeah... that's a touchy subject."
Rensos cheerfulness fades as he starts nervously scratching the back of his head.
"Y'see... we were always keen on the idea of "strong bloodlines" and such.
So we've been a feudal society long ago and... pretty much stayed like that. Because it worked."

"Okay, that makes some sense.
But how does the whole "Elite" thing work?
Are you born with it? Can you become one or-"

"A bit of both.
From what I know, and don't quote me on this because I always fell asleep when we learned our noble lore, but it dates back to ancient times.
Elites are typically members of certain bloodlines which the Saiyan King exalted at some point.
So more often than not a noble family has a long and convoluted history dating back hundreds if not thousands of years.
Buuuuut that doesn't mean they are the only ones."

"Yeah... Cabba mentioned he wanted to "become one". So I guess there are those."

"Yeap. If you manage to prove your worth like the warriors of old, you get exalted and your bloodline becomes "Elite". This applies retroactively and means you can now actively work towards... expanding it."

I assume the "Old ones" don't necessarily appreciate that."

"Ye'r kinda right.
Most old bloodlines look down on newer ones and the more fresh ones will welcome them with open arms and these are the guys they'll most likely arrange a marriage with. But it varies from house to house.
Some upstarts can be just as snobby as the old bloods and vice versa."
Then Renso looks around nervously, as if to check nobody is listening in on him.
"But just like you can become an Elite... you can loose your status as well.
If you're a particularly vile piece of scum you can get exiled and your title revoked... which again, applies retroactively."

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because it's kinda a taboo subject."

Reality then suddenly dawns on you.

"Psssst! Not so loud!
No. Of course not. They are just... hooligans. Criminals.
What I'm talking about is much, MUCH worse!"

"Oh... ooooh."

Renso then leans back and relaxes once more.
"So yeah... as you can see, Bloodlines and their preservations are very important stuff.
To the point where shaming your entire family is one of the most reviled things in Saiyan society."
"Wait... does that mean you-"

I had a fiancé once."
He then taps his leg.
"That was before this.
When they caught wind of this injury the family of my would-be wife promptly broke up the deal."

I thought a battle injury would be a sign of prestige in a warrior culture."

"You'd think that.
It's an... old thing which stuck throughout the ages.
Something like a scar or anything else like that IS seen as a mark of honor and pride.
But back in the day if you got crippled you were looked down upon. The honorable thing then was to die so you wouldn't be a burden on the tribe.
Now it's a sign of "incompetence" or at least that's how they justify it.
After all, if you're a good fighter you can prevent such things."

"And let me guess... you have no other sibling."
Renso shakes his head in acknowledgement.
"So then they arranged a marriage for Caulifla to preserve your bloodline."

Kale was first. She's the only child of her parents so naturally she was to be wed to an influential family. But Kale being who she is, she... didn't want that."

"You sound like you don't approve..."

"Heavens no!
I know the girl and I know how hard it must've been on her! Can't really blame her either.
Even I had reservations about marrying someone I never knew... It's no wonder she was distraught.
But because of that Caulifla was already having... ideas. When she caught wind that she was sold off as well-"

"She took that as her queue and left."

And you probably know the rest."

That's uh... that's a lot to take in.

>I see. Thanks for clarifying this for me
>What can you tell me about Kales parents?
>What's YOUR family like?
>What can you tell me about Kales parents?
>I see. Thanks for clarifying this for me
>So, any advice with regard to how I can go about resolving this whole exile business? It sounded like you were doubtful my plan would be enough, before we got into all the relationship stuff.

Pretty straightforward daft feudal stuff, from the sound of it. Want to see if he's got any input or ideas for how we can more easily resolve the whole exile situation though.
>>What's YOUR family like?
>>What can you tell me about Kales parents?

I think these are both important if we have the time, in this order.
>What's YOUR family like?
>What can you tell me about Kales parents?
Don't wanna accidentally put them back in their family's clutches if they'd be better off without them.

>So, any advice with regard to how I can go about resolving this whole exile business? It sounded like you were doubtful my plan would be enough, before we got into all the relationship stuff.
His political sciences may be rusty, but he's definitely our best resource on the matter. We can thank him once we're all set.
Technically they are both Super Saiyans now.
So they could just flip them off and there's nothing they can do about it

True, but the whole point is to try and make it so they can put all this stuff behind them, not force them through it all over again.
Yeah I gotcha.
Don't worry
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Well that's a lot to unpack. Gotta give it some time to settle down.
So you decide to drop the topic for a bit in exchange for something more... pressing.
"So, any advice with regard to how I can go about resolving this whole exile business? It sounded like you were doubtful my plan would be enough, before we got into all the relationship stuff."

Renso gives you a confused look for a moment before he raises his hands in defense.
"Oh nonono.
That's not at all how I meant it.
I'm sorry it came across like that."


"Well I kinda explained why it's such a big deal that they... skipped out on their "duties" as it were.
But the real reason why I doubted you is... well... you know how the girls are."

Your face starts drooping a little as you realize what he means by that.
More than you'd think."

It's one thing to request amnesty for someone.
But if anyone, than Caulifla is exactly the kind of person who'd do the same thing all over again. And promptly get herself branded a criminal, all over again.
However... I never imagined she'd willingly er... snuggle with someone.
So who knows? Maybe I went insane? Maybe she did change."

"I can attest to that. Both of them mellowed quite a bit now that they were free."

"Kale? Mellow?
HAH! That's a good one!
The girl might be strong but she couldn't hurt a fly!"

"Y-You have no idea..."


"Never mind that.
I just want to do something for the girls.
If, perhaps, not their family then their home at the very least.
And I do believe they could... no, WANT to live with other Saiyans. Even if just a little."

It's good to hear others speak so highly of my sister.
Never thought I'd live to see this day to be honest."

And you don't exactly blame the guy.
"But now that you mention it, could you tell me more about your and Kales family?
It sounds like if anyone then they'd be a problem."

"I can't really argue that.
But it still doesn't feel right to talk about them behind their backs."


"Ugh... okay, okay!"
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"There isn't that much to tell about Kales really.
Their family is one of the newest Elites and they became nobles under... unusual circumstances."

"What do you mean by that?"

"King Sadala exalted them based on someone who wasn't even born yet-"

Your eyes widen and you shout automatically.

Apparently they measured some frankly BIZARRE levels of powers when she was still in her gestation pod.
As such her parents were made nobility before she was even born, solely on the basis of her potential.
Though... I think that was a fluke. While she does harbor some impressive energy she's completely unfit for battle.
Buuuut her parents were not returned to commoner status so what do I know?
And that's why they wanted to be DAMN SURE Kale married into the Elite, to give them more legitimacy.
I don't know much about them but from what I heard it was a pretty prominent one that "found out" about her unusual readings during gestation.
Supposedly they got pretty pissed when she left. And the only reason they didn't declare a blood feud on Kales family is because she was "stolen" instead of simply running away."

Not wanting to blow his mind so quickly again you go on.
"And what about yours?"

"That's a bit more complicated.
We're actually one of the oldest running bloodlines out there.
While most of our history and legacy is lost because... none of our ancestors felt like keeping tabs on it, the fact that we are old is pretty widely known and accepted.
It also helps that we pump out some impressive fighters with each generation."

"So EVERYONE in your family is some insanely talented prodigy?!"

"Not everyone.
We get average people just like everyone else.
It's just that we get them more often than others. Take my father for example, Kohlra!
He's a veteran warhero who fought on even more fronts than I have! Kind of a nutjob, really. But a damn impressive one!
Him and ma were... not so lucky when it came to making children. So they were pretty adamant about us continuing the family lineage."
Renso then starts playfully jabbing you in the side.
"Why? Curious about your future father and mother?"

"Knock it off Renso!"

"Hey, I'm just asking!
Tell you what, I'll watch your fights and I might even name drop you to them.
Who knows? Dad might even like you for cracking the nut even he couldn't."

>Please do
>Please don't!
>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them
>>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them

Need to know how afraid we should be.
>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them
"We're in complicated territory right now, so we're taking things one step at a time, but I don't really see either of us letting go of the other any time soon, so... if you think they won't try to drag us into elite politics, I think I'd feel better about all this if I had as much support as I can get. "
>>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them
>>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them
>Actually... yeah, tell me more about them
Sorry bros.
I got a bit of work coming in.
So update might take a while.
Regardless, I'll get to
A thought crosses your mind. A potentially very scary thought.
Though you don't know from personal experience, if the memes are to be believed nothing's quite as scary than a dad if you start dating his daughter.
And a Saiyan dad is pretty much a coin toss between being infinitely more chill... or infinitely worse.
You swallow nervously at the implications.

"W-well... things are pretty complicated right now. So we're taking things one step at a time-"

"First time dating two women?
I admit most species think it's weird but for us-"

"First time dating women."

You poor, poor thing.
But you got my respect for having such balls."

"Hmmm thanks.
But I'd like to say we're... content?"

Listen up you fucker! I've NEVER seen Caulifla being so genuinely affectionate with someone!
So you better realize how important you are to her! Or we're gonna have some problems."

"I uh... I experienced that first hand.
Still trying to pay her back for making her worry about me, hence the whole "getting her family back" thing.
But I don't really see either of us letting go of the other any time soon, so...
Could you tell me more?"

"Huh... didn't think you'd actually go for it."

"Hey! I'm macho but not dumb!
I'd like to know if they'll drag my ass into the world of Elite politics or if I can count on them...
At least then I'd have some peace of mind."

"Well uuuuhhh....
It's complicated-"
Renso gets even more nervous than before.
"Like I said... Dad is... an odd one. He's the guy the SDF couldn't send on peace keeping missions or aiding civilians.
Not unless "peacekeeping" or "aiding civilians" included ripping out arms from sockets at some point."


"Yeeeah, he was the guy sent on suicide missions or deep into enemy territory where he could tear ass without endangering any civvies."
At this point your body is producing more moisture than the fucking Niagara Falls.
"But at the end of the day he was still an SDF. Just... not the marketable kind.
And he knew it. On the rare occasion when he HAD to publicly appear because he liberated a planet from an occupying force he was trying real hard to not spill meat out of his pockets."

"I'm sorry but what did you just say?"

"And I said how he was really keen on getting Caulifla a husband.
Buuuut that's only because he wants to keep our line going. He takes pride in who he is and always tried to live up to the expectations of the masses. Yeah, he's an Elite but he made sure he EARNED that title.
So... if I had to hazard a guess, if you somehow managed to kick his ass in let's say... a test of strength or something equally impressive, I'm sure he'd be okay with you."

So he doesn't give two shits about politics?"

"No, not really."

"Or what people think about him?"

"That he does.
It's just that if anyone doubts him, he'll quickly remind them why that's a bad idea.
Through some asswhooping."
...okay, judging from that picture, Caulifla is basically U6 Goku. Not sure how to feel about that. Or how to organically bring up his name/picture if we see the martial arts doof again.
That was... basically established in Super
>Kale is Broly
>Cabba is Vegeta
>Caulifla is Goku but not dropped on her head and also grill
"...would the fact that our kids would only be half Saiyan be a problem for you guys or the elites? Y'know, if things get to that point?"
I don't think Eric has the balls to say that without spilling his spaghetti
Hah, fair.
so you're saying that caulifla's dad is literally not!bardock and no one noticed that he and goku look the same?
He doesn't look like Bardock obviously.
This is just the easiest way for me to get the message across
If you got good OC I'd happily use it but in my long and depressing delves into the cesspit of Deviantart I only found shit
oh, that clarifies it, thanks
"And uh... what about mommy dearest?
Let me guess, an amazon of a woman?"

Oh no. She's quite short and timid.
She used to be a lower class-"

"WAIT! I thought Elites were all about marrying other nobility!"

"HAHAHA! That's true!
Buuuut there are exceptions!
She used to work in the meatery you see-"


"No. Meatery. They prepared meat."

"Ah, butcher!"

They also cooked meat if you wanted. Best sausages you ever had!
Anyway, it was dads favorite place. Always went there after every mission. She always fed him the juiciest slab of meat she could find.
Eventually dad became infatuated with her. Told grandpappy he'd marry her.
Obviously grand-dad didn't like that, so father promptly beat his ass and, I quote: "I'M SO MUCH MORE OF A SAIYAN THAN YOU ARE THAT I'LL MAKE BABIES WITH A LOWER CLASS WOMAN AND THEY'LL STILL BE STRONGER THAN YOU!"
Ah... but I'm not doing the story justice. Mom always told it with so much passion. "Most romantic thing I've ever heard" she always says."

And boy oh boy... was ol' daddy right.
But not even Renso knows that probably.
"How... cute."

"Isn't it?
I bet she'd like you.
But I'd start preparing if I were you. If she sees how skinny you are she'll keep cooking for you until you build up some muscle."

"I... I'm good. Thanks.
But... that's good. I think I can work with this."

"Really? What part of my father didn't you get?"

"Trust me...
You're about to see some serious shit during this tournament."

"A'ight. If you say so!
But now you better not disappoint me brother!"

"Knock it off..."

>Well, it's been fun chatting but I'm getting kinda late. Better get back to my duties
>By the way, I wanted to ask you about something else as well (write-in)
>>Well, it's been fun chatting but I'm getting kinda late. Better get back to my duties
>Well, it's been fun chatting but I'm getting kinda late. Better get back to my duties
>Tell your folks I said hi
>By the way, I wanted to ask you about something else as well (write-in)
>Any cute, embarrassing stories from Caulifla's childhood, or was she too much of a badass even then?

Y'know. Just to tease Caulifla a bit and remind her that she totally has it in her to be cute. Doesn't need to be anything specific mind, you could just handwave it before proceeding with saying our goodbyes, but now that Renso knows she's okay it might be nice to let him reminisce!
Sorry about that.
Final stretch of the night and all that.
But hopefully I'm done now... or until somebody tells me I missed something.


I like this.
Anything particular you got in mind?
I'm open for suggestions
Sorry, I defaulted to handwaving it because I literally have no idea. Maybe come back to it in an omake?
Naw, it's okay.
If you got nothing to request I'll just make shit up.
I was just curious if there's some specific type of cute shit you'd like to see
Having gathered sufficient information regarding your immediate future, as well as the society of the Saiyans, you stand up and start parting ways with Renso.
"Well it's been fun... but I gotta get back to my duties. My sister is going to kill me for being late as is."

"I know that feel..."

"By the way, before I leave... Is there anything embarassing about Caulifla I should know about?
Did she have any cute antics or was she always a badass?"

"You sly dog...
I shouldn't tell you this because she'll kill me buuuuut-"
He then leans in and begins whispering in your ear.
"When she was very little she always snuk into our parents bedroom at night because she didn't like sleeping along.
She did that almost every day, like clockwork. But occasionally in her half asleep state she'd get lost, sit down at the stairs and fall asleep there with her blanket wrapped around her.
Also... she was deathly terrified of lightning. And I'd have to comfort her every time a thunderstorm rolled in."

That's adorable..."

"But if she asks, you heard nothing from me!"

"Don't worry. I'll just tell her I read her mind or something."

"Wait, you can do that?"

As you start walking towards the door you give him a little wave.
"Tell your folks I said hi."

"I won't.
I rather like having at least one functional leg."
>Chibi Caulifla got lonely at bedtime and was bad with lightning.

Absolutely adorable. Wonder how she'd take it if we gifted her a stuffed animal or something to sleep with...
Without wasting another second you leave the enormous space ship only to be greeted by an expectedly pissed off Elena.


But after going through all that talk about family with Renso, you're feeling rather chipper and instead of covering in fear you go in and hug your little sister.
She momentarily forgets about how angry she understandably is and just awkwardly starts muttering.
"W-w-what are you doing?
People will see!"

You're perfectly aware that the TV crews got bored and left once they realized they won't get their story no matter what they do, so the only ones left are the Saiyans.
And amongst them there's no point in hiding your affiliations.
Parting with her, you pat her on the head and say this.

I had to... talk for a bit.
But I'll take over from here."

The two princesses who are now obviously covered in white strands of hair, especially their black manes where it's most apparent, stand up to look at you.
"It's about time you showed up..."
Azuki grumbles.

Not really in the mood to put up with her shit, you snappily reply with.
"Oh by the way, animals are not allowed in the hotel so you gotta leave them here."

They reply by hugging their pets in an overprotective manner, betraying their attachment.
"It's considered an act of-"

We pay them extra for the cleaning and it'll be fine."

"Oh... good!"

>I assume you know how to get there? I'll go and meet the rest of the delegation
>Come, I'll lead the way
>Wanna get something to eat first?
>Come, I'll lead the way
>And uhhh...make sure you don't just fly over to the hotel. Small animals and high G's don't mix.
>I assume you know how to get there? I'll go and meet the rest of the delegation
>Elena be sure to tell them about pay-per-view and room service
Hotel time with a bunch of ape men-
Oh god this will end so poorly

"Okay. Follow my lead and uuuuuh...
Make sure you take it slowly. Pets and high G's don't mix."
One of the saiyans raises their hands and you snap at them.
"Yes! Even if your ki cloaks them! Don't play games with their lives!"

Lifting from the ground you start flying over the city as the night lights are coming on and their illumination earns more than a few impressed "Oooooh"s from the monkeys.
Meanwhile Elena, who's flying right next to you just sighs.
"I wish Cabba could see this..."

You snort a little at that.
"What? Don't tell me you haven't flown over the city with the lights on yet!"

"Of course not!
We're busy doing other stuff at night!
Why? Have you?"

We even watched the sunrise at a beach once."

"Woooow that's so romantic!
Bet it wasn't your idea... Which beach though?"

Might not even have a name.
Some... random island in the Caribbean."

Meanwhile you can just FEEL the gaze of Azuki on you. Probably she's just listening for the sake of snooping on Elena but who knows?
Regardless of that, you arrive shortly afterwards to your destination and the pedestrians start loosing their shit as the aliens they heard about land right in front of them.
Even the traffic stops as drivers gawk at the Saiyans.

"Well, here we are.
Come on folks! Quit staring!
I assure you it's much better on the inside."

"You build such palaces out of glass?"

It's only covered in it.
So you can get a good view of the city."
Leading them inside you start handling things with reception while the Saiyans are rampaging in the lobby, scaring the other guests.

"Erm... are they going to keep doing this?"

You shrug.
"Shoulda known what you signed up for.
I'm pretty sure you were told to empty the building."

Clearly annoyed the manager hands you the pre-prepared keys and says this.
"Animals are not allowed by the way-"

You slam down a gold brick on his table in response.
"They are now..."

"Sir, I don't know what kind of establishment do you think we are-"

"The one the Saiyans will walk out from in a second if you don't shut up and take the bribe.
That'd be a shame, wouldn't it?"
Then you slam down another one just for good measure.
"And this is for your staff. Give them my condolences."


"Okay folks, got the keys!"

Do we just have bricks of gold in our hammer-space pockets now?
Like I know that's how Vados pays us but still.
Cash too, which is from selling said gold.
But Eric keeps a few bricks for when he really needs to make a statement
>tries to teach Lyn how to throw stones back on his personal planet
>Vados forgot to make stones when the planet was formed
>has to use gold bricks instead
Nevermind the shock our wards on the other side of the lake got when they had to dodge gold bricks going mach 4.
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You distribute the keys.
Apparently most of the saiyans wanted shared rooms because they'd feel crushingly alone on a new planet without a mate. Understandable.
And once you handed things out and explained their function, you went over a few basic rules.
Ones not born out of necessity but rather to not give them the wrong ideas for any future visits.

What room service is, how pay-per-view works, the fact that you MUST NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE eat from the fridge.
The last one was especially confusing to them because "What's the point of food if you can't eat it".
To which you responded with "It's basically extortion" and left it at that.

They pretty much understood it afterwards, saying something about "Clorfors" trying to Clorf them out of their money.
Apparently jews ARE space lizards! Who woulda thought? Except /pol/ of course.

You and Elena take turn escorting handfuls of groups up to their rooms, giving a few more general advices before leaving them to their own devices.
Which later turned out to be a mistake because several human guests stormed the reception complaining about large, naked people strutting around the halls, completely drenched.
That's one thing you forgot about. Ooops.

But in the end you managed to take up the two princesses to the presidential suite and as the two ladies enter you and your sister slide down against the nearby wall.
"Is this what it feels like to be a teacher in special ed?"

Better get used to it Elena. You are in the Saiyan roller coaster jamboree as well.
And that ride never stops."

"Ugh... thank god Cabba is not like that..."


"When will you cut that out?!"
She asks, annoyed.

"When either A.) I stop being your brother or B.) Cabbas testicles drop."

Elena shakes her head in confusion.
"What? Where did the second one come from?"

Realizing what you just said, you bury your face in your palms.
"Yeap... The Saiyan fever is now in full effect.
Now I'm thinking like one of them... End me now!"

>By the way Elena... wanna hear something crazy about the monkeys?
>I'd better go and check on the delegation. See if we've been marked for extermination yet
>I uh... I'm gonna go and see if the Princesses need anything. You can go home if you want
>Frost didn't even genocide the Space Jews
Man, U7s Space Hitler is way cooler than U6s Space Hitler

>By the way Elena... wanna hear something crazy about the monkeys?
>See if any Saiyans want to spar outside city limits before the night's over
We DO need to practice before the tournament because if we look rusty in front of Bruce fucking Lee I'm gonna eat my hands.
>By the way Elena... wanna hear something crazy about the monkeys?
>See if any Saiyans want to spar outside city limits before the night's over
Huh... Sparring.

But as you start feeling sad about your unavoidable fate, a wicked smile spreads across your face.
Finally it's time for step 2 of your master plan.
"Hey Elena..."
You speak up, your voice slimy and cuntish, like a snake.
"Wanna know a crazy thing about Saiyans?"

"I'm not sure I wanna know-"

"They got tails."

"Huh? Where?"

"Where else you dummy? Above their butts.
You just gotta poke them a bit before it comes out."

"Is this like that hoax where you gotta drill for the headphone jack on iPhones?"

"Yes, but it actually works-"
Leaning in you whisper the "juicy" details into her ears, causing Elena to blush furiously.

"H-How do you KNOW that?!"

"Extensive "research" my dear!"

"I... I refuse to believe that!"

But... I'll tell you who believed it-"



"I... I gotta go!"

Elena then stands up and storms out of the building.
Meanwhile you're just sitting there in the hallway, rubbing your hands together in satisfaction.
"Mission accomplished!"

After reveling for a while more in your victory, you stand up and head for the exit.
Taking the elevator down, you encounter a few Saiyans who left the comfort of their rooms in search of activities.
A trio consisting of two females and one male are pestering the receptionist about the whereabouts of the "training area".
Meanwhile the poor sod is desperately trying to guide them to the gym. Oh that poor guy.
Taking pity on him you walk up to the group and ask them if you could be of assistance.

"This man refuses to grant us access to the ring!
Instead he wants us to attend their pathetic little gym!"

"Well... I'm afraid you won't find such a thing anywhere...
I can offer you an alternative however! If you're interested."

They look at each other. Looks like you piqued their interest.
"Go on."
Guys... halp!
I think all the free coffee is starting to have an effect on my sanity.
And the fact that I've been listening to the Pathologic soundtrack isn't helping!
I heard a sequel came out recently, might be worth your time.
I know.
It's great.
It's more of a remake or... more accurately a remaster.
Basically it's Pathologic 1 but remade into a great game
Leaving the building and flying well beyond the city border you land on a suitable looking clearing where the chances of you accidentally injuring someone or damaging something you shouldn't is minimized.
As you start stretching however in preparation of your fight the Saiyans look at each other in confusion.

"Okay... so who do you wanna fight with?"

"Oh... wasn't that obvious?
All. I can't afford to be rusty in the tournament!"

They look at each other and then share a little laugh.
"Well at least this one got some guts!
Kinda curious how the humans perform though!"
One of them says.

"We may be lower class but you better not underestimate us!
We're still Saiyans!"
The other girl continues.

"But if you wanna die that badly then sure!"
The man finishes them off.

"Wouldn't dream of it.
But in turn I want you to give me a good exercise!"

"Oh we'll give you MORE than that!"

>I'm not much for foreplay. Let's kick into high gear right away!
>Let's start off nice and easy
>Come at me any way you want! I won't hit back!
>Come at me any way you want! I won't hit back!
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>>I'm not much for foreplay. Let's kick into high gear right away!
also we need to get these Saiyans some donuts at some point
>I'm not much for foreplay. Let's kick into high gear right away!
>I'm not much for foreplay. Let's kick into high gear right away!
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I wanna spar so I'm in top shape for the tournament
>Also Eric when he hears his opponents are low class saiyans


Oh and please roll some dice for these poor souls
Best of 4
DC: 8 Crit: 12
Rolled 19 (1d21)

Rolled 9 (1d21)

Comon the legendary 4 nat 1's.
Rolled 9 (1d21)

Poor Saiyans.
Rolled 17 (1d21)

poor unfortunate souls
a summary of events
>Saiyans reaction when getting the Bill Cosby special
>Is this guy fucking suicidal?
>Eh, I'll just say he picked a fight, called us "monkeys".
>They really take offense to that here.
>Where'd he go?
>Where'd the others go?
>Why can't I breathe?
You give your neck a few test cracks while explaining how this is gonna go to the Saiyans.
"Okay... I'm not that into the whole "foreplay" part.
So what do you say we just skip straight to the good part and beat the shit out of each other?"

"Now you're speaking my language!"
One of them speaks up and the other two concur.

They each turn on their scouters, which must be standard procedure for them, and they immediately start chuckling amongst themselves.
"Is he serious? All that bravado and he only has this much to show for it?"
Another starts mocking you.


But before they could make another verbal jab, you close your eyes and focus your senses on the upcoming battle. Once your body is ready, you take off with a cone of air forming around your body as you move forward.
Almost faster than their scouters can pick it up, you move in to engage the three saiyans in close quarters combat.

By the time they managed to process the stream of information coming from their device and started acting on it you've already begun your assault.
For starters you twirl around horizontally, simultaneously kicking one of the girls in the stomach and punch the other in the side.
They are flung back rather hard but as they manage to recover using their ki, they counter attack by unleashing a barrage of ki blasts.

Seeing the incoming projectiles, you decide to start slapping them out of the air one by one as the guy is closing in rapidly.
With deft movements you simply turn around as he punches you, completely avoiding his attack while also creating an opening for a counter.
Spinning around, you thrust your elbow into his gut, causing air to evacuate from his lungs as he lurches forward.

Moving behind him, you reach around his waist and lock your arms around him before casually suplexing him so hard the ground under you shatters into large chunks.
But as you're reveling in the havoc you're wreaking, you spot the two girls enveloped by their auras, flying at you.
Letting go of the guy, you throw yourself forward just enough to squat before jumping back onto your hands so you can throw yourself feet first into the first of your would be attackers.
The other picks up on this and tries to attack you while you're exposed but finds you to be way too slippery of a target.

Using your psychic movement, you jerk around your body like it was a ragdoll, avoiding each and every one of the girls punches, until finally parry one of her strikes with your left hand before countering her with a right jab.
Obviously that jab was a "Hit special", the shock of which reverberated through her body and caused her to go limp.
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Sayans: Oh we'll give you MORE than that!
Eric: Pic Related.
And that's how we get every female in planet Sadala craving the D-oomslayer.
Atleast they will zenkai. Not likely enough for it to mater likely but upsides!
Sorry, update will have to wait a little.
Just a few minutes
Gotta sew books together
Books are done.
Getting back to writing
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Performing a quick little kata, you exhale and lower your fists slowly to your sides as the Saiyans struggle to their feet.
"Erm... not to be that guy but when I said, let's get to the fun part, I meant we all skip the warm-up..."

*cough* *cough*

"O-Oh... Oh I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean-"

"Forget it."
Another rises to her feet.
"Damn... you didn't even use any energy blasts...
That's pretty darn impressive."

I assumed you Earthlings are all weak and... squishy.
Turns out you're pretty scary!"

But... you shouldn't judge the normies based on me. I'm the exception, rather than the rule."

"Ah. So you're the Earth Elite then."

"No... I don't like that word.
I'm just a guy who was given a few great teachers and then worked his ass off to get to this point.
I brushed with death more times than I count. And I came out stronger only a few times."

"Shiiiit, I can respect that.
How about you girls?"

Y'know, I thought this mission was gonna be pretty boring.
Now... I might check this planet out...
Get acquainted with the erm, locals."

Know any places where we could get... social?"

"What, like a bar?
We got a ton of those-"
Suddenly you recall the first time when you took Caulifla and Kale out for a night.
"Yeah! You should definitely check those out. They let you eat, drink and party all at the same time!"

They all scream in unison.

"Yeah, really."

"Well damn.
That sounds like a good time.
What do you guys say? Should we check it out?"

"Hooooold your horses there friends!"
You quickly stop them.
"You can't just barge in and expect all that to be given to you. Even if you're our guests... ESPECIALLY if you are our guests. Be good guests and we'll be good hosts.
So here's a deal for you! I'll give you money, with which you can pay for things at these establishments.
In exchange you help me stay in top shape for the tournament! How does that sound?"

They exchange a quick look before they burst out in an ungodly laughter.
"Well FUCK ME! Threaten us with a good time, why don'tcha?!"

You let us have fun and in turn all we gotta do is have fun?!
Is this your idea of a joke? Because I'm digging it!"

You then crack a smile at that.
"I love dealing with saiyans!"
And this is where I'm gonna call it quits.
Not because I couldn't keep going, in fact I got enough caffeine in my systems that I'll never sleep again. Ever.
But because I'm reaching the end of my shift.
I gotta pack up and leave for home soon.
So I hope you enjoyed this.

Also if you have a sneaking suspicion as to where I'm heading with this... you are correct

I don't know when next session will be.
But I want to take a break for a bit.
So... I guess next time it's guaranteed that I can run would be around Friday.
But that's so far ahead that it's definitely subject to change.
Should the thread get saged, I'll post updates over at twatter

See ya faggots later
thanks for running Not-Som, a great thread as always
Thanks Not-Som. Try and get like a half gallon of water in you before you crash so you're not completely fucked from the caffeine when you wake up.
You utter fool!
They give free mineral water away as well!
I've already drunk 3 gallons!
How many Saiyans do you think right now are drunk off their asses and marrying humans in Vegas? Come to think of it how many Saiyans have accidentally walked into area 51 thinking it was a market for the local star sector? What parts of the US are currently experiencing minor food shortages because Saiyans have emptied out all nearby stores? There are some interesting data points to be gained from an event like this.
>None because they are not allowed to go anywhere so none of them are in Vegas.
>Only the city. Local market prices are experiencing an unusual bump in sales numbers so prices are increased accordingly. They still run out of produce and local businesses are struggling with shortages. Farmers and workers rejoice as the increased demand gives the industry a much needed injection. Lobbyists start shilling for migration treaties with Saiyans as they realize what a goldmine of a consumer base they are, while the tech sphere like Silicon valley are panicking due to alien tech making them obsolete
>while the tech sphere like Silicon valley are panicking due to alien tech making them obsolete
Wonder if the Saiyans will leave us some scouters and/or an attack ball to examine as part of their visit?
Eh they will likely give some examples\blueprints to minimum standard tech to actually be part of galactic society. Any further progress depends on our tech skills or diplo\trade skills in dealing with others.
>while the tech sphere like Silicon valley are panicking due to alien tech making them obsolete
Only once things have been properly established.
After this event trade agreements will be made
However most likely an alien owned store will have to be established on Earth to handle things initially
Still, old school tech companies are about to get shot in the knee
>pic related
>Still, old school tech companies are about to get shot in the knee
That awkward moment when they just take advantage of scouter tech to make ginormous leaps into AR tech. That awkward moment when the twins occasionally nudge them in the right direction because they're bored.
Fuck the Corporations, we should make the twins take control (by legal means, like creating their own company) of Earth's economy so we end with utopic Earth instead of a ciberpunk shithole. Maybe we can ask Lyn to handle it when she turns into a grown up megagenious (think about it: World President Lyn).
We Capsule Corp nao.
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>when the reality that the memes have been leading you up until now and their ultimate plan is revealed, kicks in
I gotta say, I appreciate the new waifu material...
But I'm getting fucking sick and tired of Toyotaros self insert Gary Stu

>A nigga in the GP who's apparently WAAAAY beyond the power of Frieza even though that guy was supposed to be the STRONGEST IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE
I don't know, I think the guys in Galactic Patrol are retarded enough to put a top level gravity chamber inside the prision's Gim.
Wot? Noooooo.
I wasn't referring to the prisoners! God no! They got a good reason being OP (Beside the metal man, because those are BS). They got Magic Steroids, so they are free to go.
No, I'm talking about this godless piece of shit.
This gay twink who must be Toyotaros fursona or something

The dude literally went toe to toe with a Super Saiyan 3... and was WINNING
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Whoops. Dropped the pic
Clearly we're finally seeing an ACTUAL Super Elite Galactic Patrolman, instead of Jaco's usual incompetent bullshit. Considering Jaco's OP equipment lets him hold his own against entire droves of average Frieza soldiers in Ressurection F, all of whom are probably worth a Raditz each, imagine what it can do in the hands of someone who's actually competent!
Competent I'd get and appreciate.
But this nibba... This guy is on a level where he could not only solo Frieza but Cell and even fuck mothering BUU!
There is literally NO reason for this guy to exist when it was quite clearly stated several times that Frieza was at the top of the foodchain.
I don't think this guy popped out after Frieza and the PTO's fall because if that was the case, he'd be even MORE bullshit than Freezy pop himself!

Frieza was at least a mutant prodigy who never trained from day one.
This is a guy who went from 0 to beyond Super Saiyan 3...
To me that sounds worse than what Frieza did
Should've just had him come along to the ToP and solo Jiren.
This Goatlactus arc sucks.
In a way I think the strongest in universe thing was a mistake. This exact situation is reason why because the guy is strong and native he can't exist. They also pulled that shit again in ToP where half of the "strongest" turned out jokes so none can be better in those universes as that's it end of the line no one of any really important there.

I like to think the guy was a kid or something when Freezer got stomped so the statement of strongest in U7 was kinda true that point. That and he himself being a lesser mutant or something that does not have the same OP freak lvl as Frozen. Kinda explains that in my mind not like Akira didn't pull bs too.
It has elements which I definitely like.

>More DB Waifus are always welcome
>Buu got to do shit
>Magic nigga
>The Fanservice HELL Which are the inmates. Seriously, who the FUCK wanted to see Pui-puis planet and people? I didn't but I'm still glad we got it.
>Vegeta going to Yardrat sounds kino as fuck
>Vegeta trying to aone for his past crimes
>Goku and Vegeta eating mad shit against an opponent that doesn't give a fuck about fighting fairly

Really it's only stuff Galactic Patrol related that I hate.
Those idiots are way more obnoxious than Ribrianne and co ever were. At least those guys were the stars of their own show.
These guys still think they are but they are not even side characters, they are extras.
And Merus can eat Friezas shit stained cloaca for all I care
Oh and Goatlactus being an actual brainlet despite being a wizard.
1 free wish and he asks for Shawshank Redemption 2: Electric Boogaloo
Instead of oh... I dunno, giving everyone in the GP cancer, giving the Saiyans testicular cancer, Link him up with every life bearing planet so he could nom them all at once, Teleport him to the Galactic Kings bathroom so he could vore his tentacular ass, the list goes on
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Oh and pic related.
More DB waifus. Yeay!
>The whole squad is coming to us, ladies.
I'll bet.
Heeeey, just dropping by to notify you about tomorrows session.
Yea, it's habbening. Unless something unexpected happens.
Will keep you posted.
Also if the thread is still alive I'll link you to the new one
Here's the new thread if you haven't checked already

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