You had just come out of Walmart when suddenly, the police started causing a scene. Now you hope to leave the parking lot in one piece. What do>Run back into the store >Escape on your shopping cart>Hide under a conveniently place cardboard box>Shit your pants
>>4045867>Escape on your shopping cart
>>4045955In the cart you go! Nobody can stop you now! The cops try to run as you bowl them over but some of them stand their ground and shoot. You’re almost out of the parking lot but the bullets are getting awfully close.What do>TOKYO DRIFT>Duck >Hit the ramp and do a sick flip>Engage tortoise mode
>>4046026>Other/Write-Inswerve out of the way, into a crowd of people, with no thought of the cost to civilians lives
>Hit the ramp and do a sick flip
>>4046033>>4046035>>4046036A three way tie? No problemo, if it’s worth doing it’s worth over doing. Let the three become one!
You hit the ramp at the speed of light and the bullets retire out of shame. It’s time to break out the Pro Skater tricks!(1/4)
So Tokyo drift out of the way into the crowd then hit that sick flip
>>4046063You get massive air and do a barrel roll. Fuck that, you do 80 of them! The judges are impressed and the babes are going wild.
>>4046069There’s a huge crowd of your fans gathered to watch the landing. Naturally you stick it and proceed to drift like there’s no tomorrow. The crowds roars pump you up, it’s time for the big finale!
>>4046078This is what happens when we give fully semi-automatic shopping carts to people. We need common sense cart control!(4/4)
>>4046086After that preforming the sickest stunt in the history of existence and raising your score to 11, the cops decide to up the ante. They’ve got a chopper on you now and are firing the missiles without a care in the world. Aside from hitting you of course. What do>Break out the missile repelant >MORE TRICKS>Fire back with bombs of your own>Hide in the freezer that you bought
>>4046092>Fire back with bombs of your own
>>4046122You were planning on using these when you got home but it can’t be helped. You reach into your cart and pull of a box of tissues and a large bottle of lotion. Upon combining these two ingredients, you create the most destructive force this parking lot has ever know: The Lotion Bombs. Those helicopter pilots are about to take a crash course in crash landings.What do>Put watts into em>Save your provisions for later and switch tactics>Full speed ahead>Watch the fireworks
>>4046162All of them
>>4046170You’re one insane bastard. To do that you’ll have to both use and not use the tissues. Things are about to get weird.
>>4046170You attempt to craft more bombs yet at the same time, you attempt to save your resources. These two opposing concepts can’t be accomplished (much less drawn) and in response to your brazen and foolhardy actions, reality is beginning to tear itself apart!What do>SAVE THE BURRITOS>SAVE THE ACTION FIGURES>SAVE THE SHAMPOO >SAVE THE LOTTERY TICKETS
I’ll continue this sometime around 3pm EST. Feel free to vote until then.
>>4046192This is really wholesome fun OP.I say>Save the burritosA man's gotta eat asomehow after all
>>4046192>>SAVE THE ACTION FIGURES
>>4046192>SAVE THE BURRITOS
>SAVE THE LOTTERY TICKETS
>>4046192>>SAVE THE LOTTERY TICKETS
>>4046373>>4046529>>4046536>>4046537If these ties don’t stop, reality will be destroyed even quicker.
You instinctively grab hold of your delectable burritos and your golden lottery tickets as the void blurs the lines between space and time. Millions of galaxies and Siemens icons are torn asunder as you are hurled into the depths.What do>Scream>Dog paddle>Tuck and Roll>Embrace the inevitable
>>4047001AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>ScreamEventually it might get better. Maybe we end up in a different time period!
Sorry for the wait, I had to run some errands. Back to the show!
>>4047046>>4047259You swim out of the void and are sent spiraling through the word. You are simultaneously being disassembled and rebuilt. Everything is coming back into focus. (1/2)
>>4047451You suddenly find yourself at a large desk with large packages of cocaine stack on top of it. You also get a sweet spinning chair as a bonus. A Spanish guitar plays softly in the background. What do>Go through the whirl>Place your feet on the table>Do the coke>Press the intercom button
>>4047479Feet on table Coke then spin chair after pressing the button
>>4047479>>Go through the whirl
>>4047603>>4047633You start spinning like you’re winning until suddenly, YOU’RE GOING THROUGH THE WHIRL! You then hear a knock at the doorWhat do>Ask who it is>Quickly open the door while spinning in your chair>Do some coke before answering the door>Call for security
>>4047682>>Do some coke before answering the door
>>4047682>>Ask who it is
>>4047682>Ask who it is
>>4047925>>4048022“Who is it?” You ask.“Onions yo señor, Jorge Hispania.” Comes the response Despite the visitors masculine name, he sounds almost like word processor with an automated female voice. It has certainly been a strange day.What do>Let him in>Don’t let him in>It’s a trap! Grab all the money and coke you can before jumping down the escape chute>Use your phone as a translator like the filthy gringo you are
>>4048061>>Use your phone as a translator like the filthy gringo you are
>>4048198According to the internet, his name is Jorge and using context clues you get the feeling that you’ve somehow become the boss of a sizable drug cartel. As cool as that sounds, for all you know, you and the real boss simply switch spaces and your sudden appearance in his office might have doomed you.Are you a gamblin’ man>Open the door>Stall him>Escape now
>>4048584>>Open the door
>>4048788>>4049181You are paralyzed in your seat as you attempt try to make a decision. You can tell Jorge is getting restless as he starts frantically banging on the door“Por favor déjame entra!” He begs(1/2)
>>4050354Before he can knock again hundreds of rounds pour through the door, tearing it to shreds. By the time you throw yourself behind the desk a gunfight has erupted as the sounds of explosions and crashes can be heard outside.“Get in there and get that fucking maricoón!” Says a loud and commanding voice What do>Leap out of the window>Go down the secret slide>Hide some more>Enlist the help of your little friend
>>4050373>>Go down the secret slide
>>4050675>>4051107You push the button at the bottom of your desk, revealing a secret slide that leads to...somewhere. Having little choice you jump down the tube as the gangsters file in and start busting caps.(1/2)
>>4051217When the ride ends you find yourself in a secret garage. It seems most of the cars have been taken but you can choose between and jet powered moped and a tank with a sombrero on it.What’ll it be>Jet moped>Mexican tank
>>4051285>>4052069>>4052078It’s as they always say, speak softly and drive a tank. You take this advice to heart and slam on the gas as soon as you hop in the festive tank. You plow through the walls like they’re nothing. The gangsters shoot at you as you escape but the bullets don’t do anything and you’re too far away. Nothing can stop you now! It’s now just you a tank and the open road. Where will you go>Write in
>>4052085Walmart. We have to get our groceries back!
>>4052144Of course, the groceries! You spent half your paycheck on those and if any of those pigs touched them you’re gonna send the whole state to the bottom of the ocean! You head straight for the border with inhumanlike determination but your trip is soon halted.......(1/2)
>>4052393.....by THE WALLWhat do
>>4052398We're in a tank! Blast through it!
>>4052492....and the wall shoots back. It looks like the automated defenses won’t make this easy.What do
>>4052495Try to ram through it at max speed.
>>4052514Are you sure? The ground in front of it is covered in land mines.On one hand you could die a horrible death, on the other it would make a wicked story if you live.
>>4052548Ram it at maximum power!
>>4052773>>4052835You give the minefield and caution the biggest middle finger you can produce and charge full speed ahead towards the wall, intent on getting back to that fucking parking lot!(1/2)
>>4052846You inevitably run over a landlmine and the tank goes flying. They were so powerful in fact that you fly right over the wall and into Texas. The bad news is that the tank is going to crash in a few seconds.What do
>>4052857Do a swan dive
>>4052928>>4052945You ditch your beloved tank preform an awe inspiring swan dive into the sea of clouds below. You cut through the clouds like a knife and scream in terror as the highway gets closer and closer. You lament the fact that you never actually got the chance to eat those burritos or win the lottery and then you close your eyes. When you open them up again you come face to face with a truck carrying tons of guacamole.(1/2)
>>4053015You stick the landing like a pro and are now hitchhiking through the not so Wild West. After going past the same piles of rocks and cacti for a few hours you start getting boredWhat do
Dip my burritos in the guacamole and eat them
>>4053029You are out of burritos, they were used with the lottery tickets to send you to the cartel hideout. You could make a stop somewhere for some tex mex if you can make a deal with the trucker.
Then I try to convince the trucked to take me to Mexican Walmart to get new groceries
>>4053057>>4053061You crawl up to the front and knock on the window to get the driver’s attention. You can almost smell the saucy goodness now or maybe that’s just the guacamole in the back. (1/3)
>>4053078Forgot the pic.
>>4053078>>4053084The driver gets spooked after a seeing a hand knocking on his door and he flips his shit. The truck swerved and goes off the road. All you can do is grab on to the exhaust tube as the truck heads full speed into a boulder.
>>4053090The truck smashes into the boulder and bits of truck and guacamole go flying everywhere. When it’s all over the both of you are in a large pile of scrap and sauce.Now the driver has REALLY flipped his shit. Seeing as your in Texas, you’d better calm him down before he whips out the ol’ double barrel.
>>4053099What is y’all goin’ ta doo?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcelOE0A3qgI do this dance in an attempt to calm him down
>>4053118You dance to bouncy and cheerful music that isn’t there as a spotlight comes in for a dramatic affect. Your moves are simple yet well choreographed and the pissed off Texan lowers his gun.
>>4053175Your East-Asian dance moves have calmed him down somewhat and he is willing to make a deal with you instead of shooting you where you stand.You read the Art of the Deal didn’t you anon
>>4053181Convince him to buy you some burritos and take you to the Walmart where the shootout happened in exchange for another dance performance and the story of how you ended up here
>>4053239The trucker thinks over your offer for a minute but eventually accepts. The deal has been struck! There’s only one small, tiny, miniscule problem.....
>>4053252....you’re out in the middle of nowhere and approximately 2,000 miles from home. Making it back to civilization is going to be rough.
>>4053256try to make a new vehicle out of sand
>>4053434Unfortunately the laws of physics wouldn’t allow one to create cars and motorcycles out of sand. It does however allow for giant Indiana Jones style sand boulders. Since it isn’t a vehicle the rules of the road don’t apply to you so you’re free to go as fast as you want and move in the most reckless of manners. Now you’re really rolling!
>>4054310The meter maids might not be able to touch you, but another group wants a piece of the action! ICE agents have been sent to detain you after border patrol reported the sighting of a tank wearing a sombrero flying over THE WALL. If they catch you, it’s back to Central America for you.
>>4054520When you and the trucker combine forces, you move even faster, the bullets however, move faster still. It may be time to pull something from your impressive bag of tricks.
>>4054671Get inside the boulder and move it around like a giant hamster ball, hopefully the sand will stop the bullets
>>4054671 Do a barrel roll and do cocaine
>>4054938You and the trucker foolishly burrow into the large, dense ball of sand and are now unable to move at all. You suddenly remember that hamster balls only work because the ball is completely hollow.
>>4057056It’s a shame you didn’t remember this earlier because the IVE agents have closed the gap and they mean business. They’ve got the gats, the stun guns, the handcuffs and everything. It looks like you’re going south of the border amigo!
>>4057060But wait! Through the power of contrivance, your plot armor has summoned a large disembodied hand and it now has you by the ball. Is there anything you’d like to say before you skip an entire segment of storytelling?
>>4060193Foolish mortal! You encased yourself within a ball of sand. You can say anything and nobody can here you. Now off you go!
>>4060406After going on the wildest ride this side of the Mississippi, you unceremoniously crash land at the Walmart parking lot where it all began. Since this entire romp took less than ten minutes, the cops are still here so you’d better get your stuff back before they “appropriate it”.
>>4060416Look for our shopping cart and grab it.
>>4060474You walk across the street and find the cart amidst all of the lotion, tissues, and craters which litter the ground. When you approach it however, you notice that all of the items are missing!
>>4060814Inside the cart there is a bit which states that if you want your stuff back, you’ll need to get it back from deep within the bowels of Walmart. This spells trap in bright red letters.
>>4060818I decide to go in anyways because my desire for my stuff is too great
>>4063147You toss the note and engage in an epic stare down with the outer doors. Your fingers twitch for a brief second and with a burst of speed, you haul ass towards the door.
>>4063380Right before you get to the doors, you pick up speed and fling yourself into the air, preparing to unleash a ferrocious dropkick on them.
>>4063383You then land flat on your back when the automatic doors open for you, spoiling your epic entrance.
>>4063384Undeterred, you stand up and prepare to face your destiny. The question is, where is it?