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“FUCK! Why did I even make this quest?” Elsweyr lamented as he realized this self-insert quest about being Joffrey Baratheon was something he was way too fucking invested in to allow filthy, disgusting PLAYERS to have any sort of input in how the rich narrative would unfold. He had everything mapped out in his mind palace. Everything was planned to a T as only a genius, ASOIAF expert like himself could.

All the players could POSSIBLY do was fuck up his story or submissively allow his amazing railroad to guide them towards the perfect end, which sort of defeats the purpose of a quest.

No, this grand idea of his was something he cherished too much – it was his baby they were going to drop on its head the first moment they could if he allowed them any sort of choice. And he wasn't going to let that happen.

So, though it disturbed him greatly to do so, he informed the potential player base of the post-birth abortion he was now performing on this fetus of a quest idea just beginning to emerge from the narrative womb.

Sure, some people reacted by calling him an autist in his thread and bullied him about his decision, but in the end he knew it was the right thing to do. He just wish he had this epiphany BEFORE he posted the opening.

Elsweyr QM turned off his computer and sighed, disappointed in himself as he slipped in between the my little pony themed sheets on his twin bed and went to sleep without even reading one of his favorite books, hoping desperately that tomorrow would be better once he got started on writing that awesome Joffrey Baratheon Self Insert Fanfiction of his still percolating in his gray matter first thing in the morning.

As Elsweyr's eyes closed, his mind drifted off into the realm of dreams where little blonde shits began to dance through his brain like sugar plums fairies.

WELCOME TO: YOU AWAKE IN WESTEROS AS JOFFREY BARATHEON QUEST

AKA

JOFFREY BARATHEON SELF INSERT QUEST



>Awake as newborn Joffrey in 286 AC: can shape his entire life, but due to butterfly effect meta-knowledge will be less useful as time goes by. Nice, calm beginning.
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.

I'm fucking dying at that OP
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as newborn Joffrey in 286 AC: can shape his entire life, but due to butterfly effect meta-knowledge will be less useful as time goes by. Nice, calm beginning.
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.
Far more interesting this way.
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as preteen Joffrey in 298 AC: significantly less opportunity to shape his life, but meta knowledge will be significantly more useful. Thrust right into the action.
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as newborn Joffrey in 286 AC: can shape his entire life, but due to butterfly effect meta-knowledge will be less useful as time goes by. Nice, calm beginning.
>>
Remember folks, Elsweyr AKA SInonymous wanted to start his fanfiction as newborn Joffrey so he could manipulate events from the very beginning of his life with the most leeway.

So voting against that wish of his is not very poggerz of you.
>>
>>4737148
Never give an option you're not willing to write. The players will inevitably take it.
>>
>>4737148
>voting against that wish
I thought that was the whole point of having a take two of his quest?
>>
>>4737100
>Awake as elderly Joffrey in 369 AC: old fuck who somehow survived being poisoned but was still conveniently written out of the main plot by a shite fanfic writer. Fucks with the QM the most.
>>
>>4737164
+1. If I may, +2.
>>
>>4737152
>>4737158

I know, I'm willing to write anything. I'm just letting you know you're making a man very sad right now. :(

>>4737115
>>4737139
>>4737140

vs

>>4737144
>>4737136


Preteen Joffrey it is!

Writing!
>>
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BOOM!

Your eyes shoot open, waking with a start at the sound of a collision, something metallic clearly having crashed into something else – probably two cars if you had to guess.

YRAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

A crowd starts cheering in raucous joy, the bodies of hundreds of people dressed for the Renaissance Faire spread out before you on long wooden benches, all of them gawking with rapt attention at a joust which has just concluded.

A knight wrought in silver armor decorated with sapphires and twining black vines rides by untouched upon a tall white stallion while another armored figure wearing a cape emblazoned with a coat of arms depicting two blue towers, united by a bridge, on a silver-grey field lies in the dirt of the jousting field, having clearly been unhorsed by his opponent in the bout.

“What the fuck?” you ask aloud, completely confused by how the hell you ended up sitting in the stands at a joust when last you recall you were sound asleep in your twin bed.

“Were you honestly expecting Ser Hosteen to defeat The Knight of Flowers, brother?” an eight year old girl with golden curls and emerald eyes sitting beside you inquires, looking at you oddly as she misinterprets the reasoning for your outburst.

“Knight of . . .” you trail off as you start to repeat that title the little girl said, the phrase ringing a bell inside your foggy, confused mind. The Knight of Flowers is the nickname for Loras Tyrell from A Song of Ice and Fire.

That knight in silver is wearing a cloak of flowers sewn into a heavy woolen cape and golden roses decorate the crest of his helm. The less competent jouster is sporting the coat of arms of House Frey.

The girl staring at the side of your head like you're in the midst of growing a second one looks an awful lot like how you might imagine Myrcella Lannister would look if accurately adapted from the A Song of Ice and Fire novels.

And she just called you brother. You look down at your hands and outfit. The hands are distinctly different from how you remember them looking and stitched into the breast of the exquisite antiquated finery you are apparently wearing is a divided surcoat of a Baratheon stag and a Lannister Lion.

“I'm Prince Joffrey,” you state what is now the obvious.

Myrcella giggles at your side. “Yes you are, brother. Happy nameday. Are you alright?”

>I'm fine! I'm fine! No shit I'm not fine, fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK I'M FREAKING OUT!
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

and

>Look around the stands for familiar characters
>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your Joffrey body
>Ask Myrcella how old you are. You think you're twelve but you aren't sure.
>Cheer for Ser Loras Tyrell's victory in the joust.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

They probably wouldn't understand if we told them the truth. Worst case scenario, they'd have us killed for sorcery or something like that.

>Look around the stands for familiar characters

We can check our own age later using the records. No need to act weird.
>>
>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

>Other (write-in)
Start nerding out and spouting meta knowledge we shouldn't know about random bullshit
>>
>>4737243
>I'm fine! I'm fine! No shit I'm not fine, fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK I'M FREAKING OUT!
>Ask Myrcella how old you are. You think you're twelve but you aren't sure.

Time to chimp the fuck out.
>>
>>4737243
>>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]
Headpat

>Look around the stands for familiar characters
>>
>>4737255
I love the headpats btw.
>>
>>4737243
>>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]
Headpat
>Look around the stands for familiar characters
>>
>>4737243
>Yes dear sister, I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal. [Freak out internally]

>Look around the stands for familiar characters

oh god im so looking forward to tyrion
>>
>>4737257
As a wise man once said, "One can never have too many headpats".
>>
Freak out Internally
>>4737247
>>4737251
>>4737252
>>4737255
>>4737259
>>4737277

Ask your age
>>4737251
>>4737253

Look around for familiar characters
>>4737247
>>4737255
>>4737259
>>4737277


Writing!
>>
>>4737243
Aw, Myrcella is precious. Hope nothing bad ever happens to her.
>>
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>Elsweyr QM turned off his computer and sighed, disappointed in himself as he slipped in between the my little pony themed sheets on his twin bed and went to sleep without even reading one of his favorite books, hoping desperately that tomorrow would be better once he got started on writing that awesome Joffrey Baratheon Self Insert Fanfiction of his still percolating in his gray matter first thing in the morning.

Fucking amazing. This thread has my blessing, and if you vote for going after any other waifu than Sansa Stark I'll be terribly disappointed. I'm fact, she must be here at the tourney! Standing next to the creepy fuck Littlefinger. Go to her and rescue her from his vile clutches! Also Twilight Sparkle is the best pony and you can't convince me otherwise.
>>
>>4737304
For shame, Elsweyr. Do you not even know which tourney this is?
>>
>>4737304
ill push for sansa por you, elsweyr. go think up an actual quest in the meantime, the few bits of si joffrey weren't half bad
>>
“Yes dear sister,” you reply, forcing a smile as you reach over with your dainty, boyish Joffrey hand and plant it firmly atop your new sister's head, smooshing the shiny, golden curls with a series of affectionate head pats which elicits an even stranger look from the girl. “I'm actually doing wonderful. This is normal. Everything is normal.”

You speak your impromptu mantra to Myrcella while maintaining unblinking eye contact as the back of your mind races with information, possibilities, disbelief, terror, anger, joy and a whole host of other emotions – sensory overload kicking in as the distinct smell of horse shit, perfume and fresh air assails your nostrils, sounds of cheers, boos and chants invade your ear drums and the silky smooth tactile sensation of the princess's soft curls feels as real as real can be despite how insanely unreal this situation MUST be.

The green-eyed Lannister girl blushes in reaction to your weird words and the extended head patting session.

You turn away from your sister as you conclude touching her head and look about the stands for familiar faces in the crowd.

The easiest to spot figures are the King and Queen sitting nearby with you in this box separate from the rest of the less important people here at the joust.

A strikingly beautiful blonde woman sporting a sneer that somehow doesn't diminish her beauty and a gigantic, fat man with black hair and blue eyes sit beside each other on thrones, surrounded by guards in white armor and cloaks. Queen Cersei Lannister and King Robert Baratheon – your parents, the lion and the stag. Well, at least everyone thinks they're your parents. Who else is here?

You spy a handsome blonde knight down on the jousting field itself as squires assist him in donning his golden armor decorated with the Lannister lion. That would be Jaime Lannister of the Kingsguard – your uncle/father.

In the stands themselves you see a misshapen, ugly dwarf wearing the Lannister coat of arms. That would be Tyrion, your actual uncle, both maternal and paternal.

You also observe a stern-looking bald man with bushy golden side-whiskers who looks to be in his late autumn years also garbed in the reds and golds and lion motifs associated with the Lannister family. That is your paternal and maternal grandfather, Tywin.

A ridiculously old bald man with a weak chin and an expression of disappointment watches the jousts, his outfit adorned with the blue towers of House Frey. That makes him the late Lord Walder.

A third bald man with a fringe of black hair and a close cropped beard across his large jaw, similarly stern-looking to Lord Tywin Lannister of Casterly Rock, wears the sigil of House Baratheon. Lord Stannis Baratheon is his name and he's your uncle by marriage but certainly not by blood.

Near to Stannis is an average looking and dressed brunette man wearing a pouch around his neck whose house sigil is that of an onion. He's Ser Davos Seaworth, the onion knight.
>>
>>4737317
My love and concern for my waifu had blinded me. Also ask Robert to give you that Valyrian steel dagger he'll win from Littlefinger as your name day present.
>>
>>4737332
atta boy.


Beyond that, most everyone else is unrecognizable. At least from where you're currently sitting and with the foreknowledge you possess.

>Go talk to someone? (who? what about?)
>Sit still and watch the jousts
>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your new body.
>Bet on the upcoming joust.
>>
>>4737338
>>Bet on the upcoming joust.
>>
>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

Use meta-knowledge for both personal gain and the kick of it.
>>
>>4737338
>Go talk to someone? Stannis. Mention we've never really gotten to know him, try to make a good impression.
>>
>>4737338
>>Bet on the upcoming joust.
money man
>>
>>4737342
+2
>>
>>4737338
>>Get up and stretch your legs, get a feel for your new body.
Maybe we'll bump into someone interesting.
>>
>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.

i wanted to talk to tyrion, but this works
>>
>>4737338
>Bet on the oncoming joust
We should probably try and get swole at some point
>>
>>4737338
>Bet on the upcoming joust.
>>
>>4737341
>>4737342
>>4737346
>>4737351
>>4737355
>>4737365

Betting on the upcoming joust it is!

I'm going to eat dinner and then I'll write the next update!
>>
Well, perhaps it's time to bet on the jousts. Even though you're a prince with oodles of riches and as such have little need for money, the act of betting itself is supposed to provide an adrenaline rush and the pageantry of it might ease you into this new role you've suddenly found yourself.

“Who's tilting next?” you ask Myrcella by your side.

“. . . Uncle Jaime,” she replies, still perturbed by your odd behavior these last several minutes. “He's riding against The Knight of Flowers to determine the tourney's champion.”

Oh! You now remember what tournament this must be. It's the one which King Robert – your fake father – held to celebrate Prince Joffrey's birthday – your nameday! Holy shit! Thanks to your extensive knowledge of the A Song of Ice and Fire novels, you know exactly how this bout is going to turn out.

Ser Jaime Lannister the Kingslayer loses to Ser Loras Tyrell the Knight of Flowers.

A short man with a slender build wearing a plum-colored doublet with a mockingbird embroidered on the breast in black thread suddenly stands up in the middle of the crowd of spectators below your elevated position. He has sharp features, a small pointed beard on his chin and dark hair with threads of gray running through it. It's Lord Petyr Baelish. Littlefinger.

He clears his throat before announcing to the world, “I bet my finest dagger of Valyrian steel that Ser Jaime of the Kingsguard proves victorious in the tilt. Any takers beg to differ?”

The King's expression darkens for a brief moment behind his thick, coarse beard as he listens to the master of coin's cocksure challenge, before Robert's visage changes to that of a wry, mischievous grin. “I'll take the blade off you,” the clearly inebriated man bellows to the member of the Small Council, “when Ser Loras unhorses the Kingslayer.”

Queen Cersei's own countenance sours further at her husband's pointed bet against her brother and secret lover, going so far as to insult one of his own bodyguards with Jaime's infamous title. This not so subtle worsening of the Lannister woman's mood is not only noticed by the drunken King, but quite likely his intention by accepting the bet.

Petyr Baelish turns to face his liege, looking up towards the large and imposing figure of Robert Baratheon and bows deferentially. “Very well, Your Grace,” the minor lord says with a smile, his laughing gray-green eyes twinkling.

>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.
>Bet against your father. You'll lose the bet once The Knight of Flowers wins, but Tywin, Tyrion and Cersei are all listening and your real father Jaime might be disheartened as well.
>>
>>4737416
>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.
>>
>>4737416
>Bet against your father. You'll lose the bet once The Knight of Flowers wins, but Tywin, Tyrion and Cersei are all listening and your real father Jaime might be disheartened as well.

It's bad juju to bet against family. Plus, I'm sure we'll make some headway bonding with the king when we take up a Warhammer.
>>
>>4737416
>>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.
>>
>>4737416
>Bet alongside King Robert Baratheon. Not only will you win, but you'll also curry his favor at the expense of irritating your Lannister family members.

Easy money.
>>
>>4737416
>Bet alongside Bobby B
We could make a clever joke about the lion pricking it's paw on the rose's thorn
Might get a song made out of it if it's witty enough

And jaime, while I love him, is currently in his prime douchebag era
>>
Betting with Big Bobby B!

Writing!
>>
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Standing up on only slightly shaky legs, unused to using them, you call out, “I beg to differ as well, Lord Baelish!”

Your youthful voice cracks mid-declaration, undercutting much of the conviction you had intended to project.

Sure enough, the moment those words leave your mouth you can feel several sets of blonde heads swivel to look in your directions and pierce your soul with green eyed stares. Your mother the queen looks furious as your father the king starts roaring with laughter at her reaction. Your younger sister and – you've just now noticed Tommen's presence to the left of Myrcella – brother have their eyes glued to the side of your head, jaws hanging open in disbelief. Tyrion Lannister the Imp glares daggers up at you through mismatched, heterochromatic eyes of black and green. But the most discomforting gaze of them all is Tywin's cold, discerning pupils, the Lord of Casterly Rock slowly shifting his head to appraise your worth and find whatever he sees there lacking.

Littlefinger turns slightly to face you after making his wager with Robert and flashes you a tight smile. “Apologies, Your Grace,” the slender man speaks smoothly, “But I only have the one dagger to wager.”

“Don't fret, Lord Baelish,” Tyrion pipes up from where he sits some distance away. “I'm more than willing to indulge my nephew in his newfound appreciation for gambling. I'll match the crown prince's bid against my brother, though its a pity Ser Jaime hasn't earned his nephew's faith on this auspicious day.”

You shrug. “Lions are fierce animals, but even they can prick their paws on a rose's thorn.”

Far below your box, a handsome young man with long, sandy hair and the wisp of a mustache remarks, “Ah! That would make a wonderful line in a song. I believe I'll bet my previous winnings on the Tyrell rose as well, in honor of the prince's nameday.”

Several more individuals in the crowd bet on Loras Tyrell's victory, some simply attempting to curry your favor while others believe your instincts must be correct considering it's your birthday.

Eventually the betting period ends and the two jousters mount their horses on either end of the lists. Ser Loras Tyrell wields a green shield with three golden roses painted upon it. Ser Jaime Lannister wears an ornate lion's helm.

The lion and the rose face each other as the crowd holds its breath in anticipation.

And then the bout begins!

The two jousters ride at full speed, their horses galloping quickly across the grounds, closing the distance in a matter of seconds.

BOOM!

Loras's lance makes direct contact with Jaime's breastplate, knocking the crowd favorite from his steed as the younger underdog rides past only lightly grazed by his opponent's similarly blunted weapon.

“YAEAHAHEHAHEHAE!” the crowd cheers and cries, many unfortunate gamblers having lost a large sum of money on their pick.
>>
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A flash of concern passes across Cersei's immaculate features as she watches her brother tumble. Big Bobby B, however, hoots in approval of the martial display as well as his own victory gambling. He turns in his seat to look at you with a mirthful grin, giving you a fatherly wink.

+5 Affection with King Robert Baratheon

-1 Affection with Cersei Lannister, Jaime Lannister, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister

>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4737469
>>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>>
Done for the day, will likely post more updoots tomorrow.
>>
>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

Name the dagger Twilight Sparkle.
>>
>>4737531
I propose Spike or Cattail, also MLP characters.
>>
>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
Surprised to see this actually get off the ground. Not sure I like the affection points update though, makes it too gamey and it's nothing we couln't have figured anyway.
>>
>>4737571
in my defense that's just the MC thinking that in his head
>>
>>4737576
Ah, that's good. Should have been clearer it's his thoughts and not a system status message. And I hope he misjudges in the future.
>>
>>4737469
>Wink back at Robert
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

>Write in: "Father, I must admit this tournament has awoken something within deep me! There's a fire burning inside my heart. I know I haven't shown an interest in martial matters before, but I wish to become a warrior worthy of the name Baratheon. No idle craven, after all, is worthy to become king!"
>>
>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>Other (write-in)
"Seems like it is a lucky day for me!"
ignore the the looks from our family like we grew a second head or a 3rd eye and grew black feathers like some avian furry transformation crackfic
>>
>>4737559
>>4737531
maybe Catclaw or Cubnail
Pussywillow. a weird cotton flower on a branch.
>>
>>4737638
I think grandpa tywin may have us killed if we name the dagger we got for betting against family, pussywillow

However, I am all for naming it pussywillow, cause its funny and has symbolism for how we acquired it
>>
kek at that op
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday
>Wink back at Robert
>we turning this bitch into a spear head
>>
>>4737295
We must destroy Darkstar. Fucker dared to attack our imouto in canon
>>
>>4737649
No. We shall craft it into the ultimate pig sticker!
Boarbane! And we will go hunting with our feast beast dad!
>>
>>4737733
>NOOOO YOU CAN"T USE MY PRICELESS VALYRIAN STEEL FAMILY HIELOOM TO HUNT PIGS
[Roberts haughty bellow in the distance]
>>
Any speculation on where Baelish got his hands on a Valyrian steel dagger anyway? And then to bet it so casually?
>>
>>4737748
Might've fucked it out of lady crazy of shit
mountains' twat while cucking the poor old jon
>>
>>4737748
could be plot bullcrap where he is gonna plant it on tyrion to frame him for attempting to cut up Bran the Vegetable
>>
>>4737606
support

based quest
>>
Waifu wars when? Sansa and Margaery are the obvious frontrunners, but Myrcella seems to have emerged as a surprise contestant.

As a Margaeryfag, I must say I'm very happy with the way things began. The Tyrells will notice we bet on Loras.
>>
>>4737782
Too farfetched, imo. Bran probably didn't even register on Littlefinger's radar until he was pushed by Jaime. Then Joffrey is the one who pays the mercenary to attack Bran. You get a hint of this in the chapter where Joffrey is getting married to Margaery. Tyrion comments that this is not the first time he's handled Valyrian steel, and the sword could use a dragonbone handle. Joffrey stammers guiltily and changes the subject. It's as close to a confession as you'll get in Asoiaf.

>>4737799
I'm all for Sansa supremacy. You can trust her not to go behind your back and betray you with a smile on her face, unlike Margaery. I will admit that it will be difficult to convince Ned, though. Myrcella's eight years old as per the 1st update, so I'm not even thinking about that.

Btw Joffrey has just turned 12 I think, and will be 13 for most of the major events, so that makes it a little squicky. This is why I aged all characters up a bit closer to their show ages so we can have waifu wars without feeling guilty.
>>
>>4737748
It wasn't a casual bet, it was to obfuscate and to have the assassination he pointed to the royal family

>>4737799
Sansa 100%, she’s extremely loyal
>>
>>4737100
Trick you glorious bastard welcome back!
>>
>>4737799
Margaery 100% brother
>>
>>4737799
Random Peasant women 100% bro
>>
>>4737799
Female whitewalker 100% ser
>>
>>4737884
I mean the night's queen was hot. The show did the others dirty. From fae like terrifying beauty with active camo armor to escapees from an old folks home who died of frost bite by
>>
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>>4737889
This pic from the Night's Queen's awoiaf page is hilarious.
>>
>>4737799
As a Dany sleeper agent, I'm happy to bide my time and lie in wait.
>>
>>4737906
Hell of a guy, night's king. Saw frozenbPussy, fucked so hard he jizzed his soul out. Then he became such a threat starks and wildlings had to team up to take him and his thrall kingdom down.

Fuck the last hero, fuck lann the clever, fuck garth, he was the true ancient chad. And fuck the show for naming their shitty oc after his title
>>
>>4737606
+1ing this
>>
>>4737910
How would that even work? Make no mistake, I've spent a lot of nights trying to come up with making Dany x Joffrey SI work, but there's always that barrier of killing Viserys and alienating her and the bad blood between Targaryens and Baratheon-Lannisters.
>>
>>4737957
Killing Viserys was the plan as soon as the Targaryen loyalists realized he was a crazy little shit. If we decide to make our change in personality known and make ourselves appear every inch the Prince Charming we look like, that might get our foot in the door. She might be convinced if we promise her equal power and take her name or start a new house entirely. Hell, it might make both the Targ loyalists and the supporters of the new regime happy. Just gotta catch her before she goes all fire and blood.
>>
>>4737606
support
>>4737884
this but unironically
>>
>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

off to a great start OP
>>
>>4737571
also agree with this boy. imho the less we make personal relationships like a videogame the better
>>
Holy fuck I'm so happy you picked this up. Was excited for the last thread before OP revealed himself to be a fag. Would be interested in reading his fanfiction though.
>>
>>4737469
>Ask for the Valyrian Steel Dagger as a present for your nameday

Would it be possible for us to study and get some gold and iron links?
>>
>>4737571
Speaking of personal relationships, we should make friends with the few characters of our age that are good people. Domeric Bolton is unfortunately dead by this point, but Edric Dayne is alive and a pretty good kid. Never hurts to be friends with the future Sword of the Morning.
>>
>>4738233
If you want us to be removed from succession, yes. Maesters can't inherit. Though Bobby B and Tywin would fight to see who'd get to kill us first.
>>
>>4738247
You can study and not take the chains, anon.
>>
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You return your father's wink, the two of you sharing a moment together, a spark of genuine father-son bonding flourishing in your mutual silence.

Littlefinger stands up again after the joust's conclusion, turning back round to face King Robert as he slowly removes the scabbard tied round his hip in which the knife in question is presumably sheathed. “I see your son has inherited your keen eye for battle, Your Grace,” the man with a mockingbird on his chest compliments both sovereign and son simultaneously, ever gracious in defeat. Baelish holds up the secured blade in a manner most obsequiously so that neither the kingsguard nor anyone else in the immediate vicinity mistakes him for brandishing a blade at the current ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.

You rise to your feet once more. “Father, may I have that dagger for a nameday present?”

The black-haired man's bushy eyebrows knit themselves together in response to your request. “Valyrian steel is no child's toy, Joff.”

“I know,” you agree, well aware of the serious fate intended for that dagger if not for your alien influence. “But this tournament has awoken something deep within me,” you vaguely explain to the master combatant turned King, your statement technically a true one if you think about it. “There's a fire burning inside my heart now after witnessing these skilled soldiers battling in my honor. I know I haven't shown much interest in martial matters before, but no idle craven deserves to sit the Iron Throne – you proved that when you won it with your skill on the battlefield. I wish to become a warrior worthy of the Baratheon name like my father before me.”

The drunken, red-faced giant guffaws at your spontaneous speech and you get a glimpse for the dark circles underneath his bright blue eyes as well as the sweat staining the armpits of his silks. “I wish it as well, boy,” he tells you plainly. “It's why I have the master-at-arms training you. Are you telling me you haven't been trying this whole time?” he coarsely demands, a flicker of anger flaring up in his booming voice.

You tremble slightly, being on the receiving end of a small slice of that rage. “N-no, I -”

“He's merely attempting to win your affections, fool,” the Queen mutters viciously under her breath, intervening on your behalf like the mama lion she is. “Your cruel jape at my brother's expense convinced the crown prince to root against his own family's triumph in the tilts. The least you could do is reward your son's loyalty.”

Cersei's guilt trip seemingly successful, judging by the shifting expression on the fat monarch's face, Robert Baratheon relents.

“I suppose . . . if the boy's getting castle-forged steel today, what more trouble could he get up to with a dagger,” the king reasons. “But Valyrian steel is rare and irreplaceable, so you better not lose it, Joff.”

You nod vigorously upon having your request granted. “I won't.”
>>
File: Wreath of Flowers.png (342 KB, 814x539)
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While you've been negotiating for Littlefinger's sick ass dagger, Ser Loras Tyrell has been trotting through the jousting grounds, strutting atop his horse as he basks in the glory of his victory after removing his helmet. The knight of flowers is exceptionally handsome, his hair a mass of brunette ringlets which tumble over his lively, intelligent eyes of liquid gold.

The tourney's champion holds aloft a wreath of flowers which was handed to him by one of the many servants responsible for keeping the event running smoothly. As he nears he stand, Loras declares, “I name Princess Myrcella Baratheon the Queen of Love and Beauty.”

A cacophony of gasps and gossipy whispers spiderweb their way through the amassed throng of noblemen and their hangers-ons as well as the smallfolk watching from the sidelines on the ground.

Your sister beside you blushes an even deeper crimson as she hears the triumphant knight in shining silver armor speak her name. Queen Cersei looks displeased while King Robert appears to be weighing an idea in his head and finding whatever it is to be a suitable one.

The youngest son of the Tyrell family ascends the stands and approaches the royal family's box. Princess Myrcella anxiously gets up from her seat and allows the teenage jousting expert to gingerly place the wreath of flowers on her head, crowning her as the Queen of Love and Beauty of this tournament.

Loras smiles sweetly at your younger sister, who returns it with an awkwardly beaming grin of her own, before the Tyrell boy then shifts his gaze to where you sit, making eye contact with you.

He fixes you with the same, sweet smile and bows. “Happy nameday, Your Grace.”

>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>Ask him if he's intending to court your little sister
>Pointedly ask if he's spent much time with your uncle Renly lately
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>Smile back flirtatiously
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4738286
>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Smile back flirtatiously

Punished Elsweyr QM.
>>
>>4738286
>>Pointedly ask if he's spent much time with your uncle Renly lately
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>>
>>4738286
>>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>>
>>4738286
>Congratulate him on his performance against your uncle-father Jaime
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
DO NOT say the "father" part out loud.
>>
>>4738277
>>4738247
Can we just get the links and not complete the chain; never advancing past acolyte? You would think studying economics at the very least would be important for someone who’s set to become king. I think a combination of warce and economics would be good for reforming the army as well - trying to implement a standing army loyal to the state only on not based on feudal obligations. Funded by economic reforms.

Also, would trying to create a proper intelligence agency with people educated in spycraft be possible in this universe?

Would it also be possible to assemble a conclave of sorts of the silver and iron maesters to establish the principles of /fit/ness for the army and so Jeoffory can get swole?

Want to make Joefffory a philosopher king of sorts.
>>
I see no reason to spar with him unless we are trying to fuck him. He's gonna crush us, especially if we call him a fag in front of the king first.
>>
>>4738310
>especially if we call him a fag in front of the king first.

It's one thing to be called a fag.

But to get called a fag in front of the king????

Irreversible.
>>
>>4738310
Gives us a chance to talk to him in semi-private, tell him we've heard his sister is really beautiful and intelligent. Start working on that Tyrell connection.

>>4738307
>Can we just get the links and not complete the chain; never advancing past acolyte?
I have been informed that we can, so yes.

>Also, would trying to create a proper intelligence agency with people educated in spycraft be possible in this universe?
That's what a spymaster is for. There's no CIA to train anyone in spycraft
>>
>>4738307
Knigga you can't even spell his name right. Oberyn Martell got to study down there, so it should be possible, but why should we even need to? We have modern knowledge and you want to go learn about leeching boils and shit.
>>
>>4738321
>Knigga

HEY!

THAT IS OUR WORD!

I don't see a Ser in front of your name, alright.

I don't care if it's the soft a, it's just as bad as saying KNIGGER
>>
>>4738328
Kek. Forgot my handle.
>>
>>4738321
I’m phone posting and autocorrect and typos are more of a bitch. Does Elsweyr have any advanced knowledge of economics? I doubt it. Applying what modern knowledge we have to what we are taught in the citadel however could be very useful. Also, we won't have any understanding of how to conduct medieval warfare and learning that is a must. An education in these two things combined with with our meta knowledge and a basic understanding of how a modern state should run will do us wonders in the wars to come.
>>
>>4738298
+1
>>
>>4738347
>Does Elsweyr have any advanced knowledge of economics
It's an SI quest not an Elsweyr quest if I understood correctly, and I think you can assume we have the knowledge of the average modern human. Which is a few centuries more advanced than what the medievals have.
>Also, we won't have any understanding of how to conduct medieval warfare and learning that is a must
That is not something they teach in the Citadel. You learn from Knights, weaponmasters and the older males of your family. Tywin would be the ideal mentor available to us.
>An education in these two things combined
You are seriously overestimating the education capabilities of a medieval hellhole.
>>
>>4738286
>>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>>
>>4738303
+1
When in private should present him a stick by threatening to expose his homosexuality but we should offer a carrot of some kind also. Make him an agent of ours that we can use when we need to in the future.
>>
>>4738286
>Ask to spar with him later if he has the time
>Smile back flirtatiously

i don't know what could come out of this lol
>>
>>4738385
A dinosaur. A tyrant's sore ass.
>>
>>4738361
Drop a hint that we know, compliment his sister, say something about the benefits of our houses allying. He's a smart boy, he'll get the message and relay it to the women running the family.

>>4738385
Faggotry. Rampant faggotry.
>>
>>4738396
funny

>>4738303

Fairly sure these two options win.

Writing!
>>
Should we try getting good with throwing daggers at some point? Just a teeny thought.
>>
>>4738404
I approve this plan. Maybe dont start so forcefully like I originally intended.

>>4738359
Regardless these should be our priorities:

>creation of central national bank
>Limited separation of powers (with us the executive maintaining large amounts of power)
> Division of Powers (state courts dealing with people’s problems both noble and smallfolk) and council (lords discussing legislation and bringing it to the King.
We don’t want to form a confederation of states here - make it coercive. (Federal law takes precedence, stack the courts, etc.)
>maintaining a professionally trained national army while stripping feudal obligations for troops.
>establishing a school of war for officers (emphasise loyalty to the entirety of the 7 kingdoms.)
>rebuilding and maintaining new national fleet that will control and protect the trade routes and national interests abroad - these are all crucial to rebuild Westeros and put it onto the path of economic growth and stability.
>Promoting the mercantile class
>Education reform of some kind - the citadel shouldn’t have a monopoly on knowledge.
>Establishing a ministry of propaganda to win popular support may also be a good idea including censors who identify nobles people of import acting out of turn.
>>
Small delay, I'm actually in the middle of a D&D game, lol
>>
>>4738444
It's logistically impossible to skip absolutism and go straight to parliamentary monarchy from feudalism.
>>
>>4738444
Before we try anything political, we should grow more in a respectable young noble. Succed in our martial training and other studies for example, make some friends and grow closer to our family.
>>
>>4738449
I thinks it will be possible come the next civil war. I think with our modern and meta knowledge we could accelerate the process a bit.
>>
>>4738454
I agree that until we become king we should focus on developing ourself mainly but at the same time I think we should really be taking steps towards a professional army and a central bank especially. We want that come the war. When I mean taking steps I mostly mean figuring out how we would implement it and maybe influencing those currently in power towards its adoption.
>>
>>4738347
Like what modern knowledge? Do we even know basic plumbing? And even if we did we're centuries of key techs away from something like public water. I mean, really, look at how hard it was to get clean water for new york state with 1800s tech. Rome's aqueduct system didn't even work right for half its lifetime.

What about magical knowledge? Not that we'd survive taking it from the places that most likely have it, of course, but that stuff is pretty neato and because we know it's real and coming back that'd be a great thing to take advantage of.

>>4738444
>>4738449
What this anon said.

> stripping feudal obligations for troops.
That gives you a noble revolt followed by a peasant rebellion followed by a series tyrannical upstart kings. (France, Spain, etc)
>Promoting the mercantile class
In what way? Keep in mind when you have a strong mercantile class they become their own governing body. No matter the time period. Nationalize the Crown's own bank or you're going to find yourself "buying devices to afford higher prices" at sexually intense interest rates. Remember, the first bank to open itself to both peasants and merchants with high savings interest rates wins the game called Economy, right up until the bank outspends, outloans, or multiple noble families issue large withdrawals in an attempt to seize the kingdoms leverage. You either Medici it or you fuck yourself into a position where you're getting fucked forever.

>Limited separation of powers, Division of Powers
That's not something anybody in any powerful kingdom is going to just accept. The peasants won't accept it either. The King's supposed to have their god-given job for a reason. With what we know is coming ahead, we really can't afford to jeopardize our reasons for rule. And a large amount of characters will step in to stop that from happening, because it's their power we'd also be "reforming".


>school for war officers, ministry of propaganda (using our modern knowledge of marketing and advertising that was developed in WWII I assume), rebuilding and maintaining new national fleet, education reform
These are easier, and good, momentum plays. Education primarily existed to prepare children for factory work, however. You'll need to convince peasants there's a reason their children should learn to read and write.

>>4738494
I typed all of that and now you say you had the idea of a central bank. fml.
>>
>>4738444
My goal is to be sitting on the Iron Throne with Queen Margaery after the shitshow that's coming is resolved. We can go for your reforms right after.
>>
>>4738503
I declare war on you.
>>
>>4738506
I accept your declaration ser. Preparation and strategy determine victory in all wars, including waifu wars. I am confident in both.
>>
>>4738510
then you declare war on me too. sansa ftw madlads
>>
>>4738518
Let the war of the five waifus begin.
>>
>>4738503
>He doesn't want to sire a dynasty of silver-blonde dragonriders with emerald and amethyst eyes that'll last until Westeros falls to dust
You have spurned us Danyfags too, ser.
>>
>>4738444
>>4738494
To be frank it would be smart to delegate decisions to a system of lesser stately courts so that we don't have to sit on a throne for xHours of sunlight and listen to small bullshit. That way we can focus on other much more significant bullshit. But there are limitations as certain nobles and special situations are not going to accept anybody less than the king making a final decision.

Babylonic courts, maybe? Simple enough and the nobles would accept a court system that defers to both themselves and the peers of the individuals in it while being open to debate, though it would be corrupt as shit it can become something more later on.
>>
>>4737799
Sansa wife, Margaery side ho, Myrcella bae. This'll totally work out in our SI, right? Don't forget we gotta bang mom lol.
>>
>>4738529
Do you agree to cooperate in breaking the Sansa betrothal? We can settle the score between our waifus after we've dealt with the Sansafags.
>>
>all these limp-dicked waifufags not wanting to fuck olenna the best waifu
>>
>>4738554
The old lady who canonically poisons your character???
>>
>>4738557
Yes.
>>
>>4738548
I agree that If such the time comes when the primary settlements between Sansafags and Margeryhoes has arrived there will be at least 1 Danydragonbutt anon tilting away from the Sansa side.
>>
>>4738529
>>4738548
dont trust this anon, you'll find a rose up your ass if we get sent to bolton's
>>
>>4738564
Excellent. First we break the rails, then we can fight to steer the train in a new direction.
>>
>>4738569
What have you done.
>>
>>4738569
Think, you could have not said this. Yet, you said this.
My god, What have you done?
>>
>>4738286
>Stupid, sexy Loras
>Smile back flirtatiously

Can't pass this up in our SI mates.
>>
>>4738569
So you're saying we could get Olenna AND one of those kinky Martell bitches?

Primo
>>
>>4738449
I'll try to find a link, but there's a series of essays arguing that Westeros' political system is much closer to the absolute monarchies of later periods than the feudalism of the middle ages.
>>
You can delete your post but you can't delete the seed you've planted, Trick!
>>
Ditching my name handle already. I may be trying to get Joff's ass anointed with Loras's holy oils, but I'm not THAT much of a faggot.

>>4738359
>It's an SI quest not an Elsweyr quest if I understood correctly

See I think this is going to be the main divider of camps in this quest. Some of you are good little followers of Elsweyer's scripture, of making the perfect little snowflake Joff with his wet dream waifus snuggled up close.

And some of us... some of us are heretics. We see a different path, one in which we ARE the waifu. Let the schism commence.
>>
>>4738597
This is the line of thinking that potentially gets us spitroasted between the night king and dragon dick and maybe not even metaphorically.
>>
>>4738359
For what it's worth, QM asked me for the skills I know before starting the quest, and my answer was: reading a lot of books, (mystery, fantasy and some history), reading almost every SI fanfiction in Asoiaf there is, so an autistic knowledge of genre tropes, events and where you could cause changes. And my education as a lawyer, so good legal skills and rhetoric.
>>
>>4738500
I think the political innovation of not involving ourselves in other's affairs and being impartial will do most of the job for us. After all, can't really fuck up if we don't fuck with others can we? It's why Bobby B was best king in the series.
>>
>>4738605
At least all belligerents in the waifu wars can agree to hammer down the faggots whenever they rear their ugly head.

>>4738608
>And my education as a lawyer, so good legal skills and rhetoric.
Looks like we won't be needing the Citadel boys. We can craft our own legal code even.
>>
>>4738611
So, lesser stately courts it is? Sounds good to me.
>>
>>4738554
>>4738557
Not a bad idea trying to court her, in a sense. Makes killing us a bit of a harder decision on her part.
>>
>>4738569
Done.
>>
Now that I think about it it would be extremely easy for Joffrey to grow a manbun and learn half decent makeup to go on Nero-esque adventures. Or become some kefka mad clown with prophecy powers insert.
But let's not do that. Because that's BAD.
>>
>>4738597
Wait, we're NOT playing a snowflake????

OP why you lie to me?
>>
Instead of lower courts taking over the power of judgment (which the lords might not accept), we could pass a law that first you take your case to the knight above you, then his lord, then the lord paramount and finally the King. You can't skip any of the steps in between. If one of the parties in the dispute is a knight or lord, you take it to the next higher person in line. Also, there must be a panel of at least 3 members including the knight or lord and at least one maester or other educated person with knowledge of the law, with the knight or lord having final say. Finally, a reasoned judgment must be provided in writing to both parties.

This alone should do away with the King deciding cattle dispute between farmers.
>>
>>4738624
She only kills Joffrey because he's an uncontrollable dick for Margery. If he was less a rampant fuckface she'd have probably just rolled with it.

As for making it a harder decision, hah. No. Bitch is colder than ice. She's great.
>>
>>4738648
Or he could marry someone else and avoid the problem.
>>
>>4738645
>Instead of lower courts with noble deferment
>Lets have Babylonic lesser courts with noble deferment

Lol. But yeah that'll do. They should like the idea of not having to escalate a matter to us, too.
>>
Wild card (lol) waifu choice: Make a deal with Mance Rayder when we're in Winterfell to let in the wildlings once Robert croaks. Marry Val the wildling princess to seal the deal. (She's described as exceptionally beautiful) 100,000 new subjects including giants and mammoths, and at least half will be men and women who'll fight for us.
>>
These plans aren't breaking out of the box enough.

We should be looking at Desmera Redwyne. Marrying her doubles our navy, likely brings a ton of wealth (and Arbor Gold), and would further destabilize the tennative grasp the Tyrells have on central power over their bannermen such as the Florents by further elevating a powerful banner house. Desmera Redwyne's mother is a Tyrell and Olenna Tyrell is her aunt, so she's a safe choice and a power choice all at once.
>>
>>4738655
Well I don't want Margery. I want the real gem of that family.
>>
>>4738681
Oh and what next, learn magic?
>>
>>4738693
Does it seem far fetched? She's the exact same age as Margaery Tyrell (both born in 283 vs Joffrey's 286) and the twins, her brothers, should be at court right now.
>>
Finally done with D&D, writing now!

You guys just seem to be chomping at the bit.
>>
>>4738681
Actually, Olenna Tyrell is both Desmera Redwyne's great aunt and her grandmother... these nobles...
>>
>>4738718
Well when the only people around you that aren't perpetually covered in shit and old clothing are your family members I can imagine things getting pretty Alabama.
>>
>>4738718
Tywin is our double grandfather, we have no room to talk.
>>
>>4738548
I so swear, good ser. Though I do agree with this other ser here >>4738565. The enjoyment Tyrells take in playing the Game is well-known. I expect you will be as vigilant as I in this matter.
>>
Oh boy would I have dug into those suggestions back in my quest.
One issue you have is massive budget deficit and literally zero support for any of those suggestions by the lords.
>>
>>4738772
Bingo. Reform is historically oft the financial word for pain.
>>
>>4738772
what's your quest? Maybe I should steal that one too.
>>
File: Sandor Clegane.png (286 KB, 402x510)
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You return his bow with a small nod, dignified nod of the head. “Congratulations, Ser Loras,” you tell the noble knight. “Your performance jousting against my nuncle was exquisite. You are a doughty warrior indeed.”

“Thank you, Your Grace,” he graciously accepts the compliment. “It was a privilege and honor to compete on your behalf.”

“I've already informed my royal family of how your actions have inspired me to redouble my own martial efforts,” you explain to the teenager only a few years your senior. “And I can't imagine a better form of training than sparring with my tourney's champion. Mayhaps we might practice swordsmanship together later today if you have the time.”

Ser Loras bows again. “As you bid, Your Grace.”

Having accepted the invitation and delivered his wreath to your sister, the knight of Flowers takes his leave of your royal presence and makes his way back down to the jousting ground to doff his armor.

The crowd around and below your elevated position starts to disperse as the celebratory festivities cease and the excitement spurred on by the show begins winding down.

The King and Queen as well as your royal siblings all get up from their seats and you follow suit, going with the flow since you don't actually know where to go or what's happening next. You are surrounded by several men in white armor and cloaks – the Kingsguard, save for your uncle Jaime who is no doubt in the midst of recovering from his rose-induced spill off a horse.

You're about to fall in line behind Myrcella when you are suddenly confronted by the presence of a very large figure interposing himself between you and your family. He is huge and heavily muscled with grey eyes, a large hooked nose and long, dark, thin hair. More importantly than those features, however, is his face which is gaunt with sharp cheekbones and a heavy brow on one side while the other is a burned ruin of scars, slick black flesh pocked with craters and deep cracks that ooze red and wet.

This is Sandor Clegane, the Hound, and your personal bodyguard. He holds the sheathed Valyrian steel dagger won by your father off of Petyr Baelish and now bequeathed to you as a birthday present. Apparently Sandor here is the middleman for this series of transactions as the only armed individual besides the Kingsguard themselves meant to get that close into your personal space with a weapon at the ready.

He holds it out for you to take and you do, grabbing the knife by its dragonbone hilt.

“So what are you going to name this one?” he inquires in a rough, rasping tone of voice dripping with sarcasm. “Lion's Claw?”

>Good idea, Dog. Lion's Claw it is!
>What about pussy slayer?
>I'm going to call this dagger Twilight Sparkle
>I think I'll have this dagger melted down and have it forged into a spearhead instead. Tell Tobho Mott to get started on it right away.
>You're a good dog, Sandor, you know that?
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4738802
Ah ever creative with the names. A real rib tickler that one. We should call it Rib Tickler

Shitposting aside we should get some lessons in fighting from him too. As well as Jaime. Definitely substitute Sandor for Bronn if we get the chance. Old Hound dog might be an okay fighter who uses dirty tricks but Bronn is the slimiest fighter imaginable. Therefore a really fucking good one.
>>
>>4738802
>Good idea, Dog. Lion's Claw it is!
>>
>>4738802
>Other (write-in)
Anti-vote on naming it anything.

Take it and never let it leave us. Also never show it off.
>>
>>4738802
>I haven't decided yet, Hound.
>>
>>4738611
I would honestly disagree. I think the biggest issue is recognizing the future threats and ruthlessly nipping future issues in the bud.

>1st issue: Joffrey is a bastard and his mother is an incestuous harlot.

>2nd issue: Corruption is spreading and your family's wealth is being embezzled

>3rd issue: There are still lot of lesser Targaryen loyalists who hate robert in secret.

>4th issue: The lords paramount / Wardens are disloyal and have their own schemes on succession

>5th issue: Insufficient military capacity. To guarantee stability of the realm, you require a military force capable of taking on at least half of Westeros without calling on your vassals to arms.

There are more issues, but in regards to the continuation of the nation, these are the most pressing ones.

My advice is put major focus on crownlands. Secure as much territory within there taking it from minor vassals and do your reforms there.

Grant the larger vassals a lot of leeway, you don't want to have to rely on them and if you set up a better sort of governance in crownlands, you don't have to.

If the feudal vassals remain stagnant, that is good because you won't have rivals as you build your power.
>>
>>4738823
Ser, we're trying to name a knife right now. Would you like to contribute?
>>
>>4738786
I used to run Male Powder Fantasy, you can have it if you want, the thing is dead in the water atm.
>>
>>4738802
>>Other (write-in)
>I was thinking Whisper. I'm not a lion, after all, and I don't think Stag's Antler is a suitable name for a knife.
>>
175 posts in and it's not even been 24 hours yet. Careful, TrickQM, we may have a new Fate quest on our hands.
>>
>>4738802
>Write In
"No need for a name for now. When it has some blood on it s blade, then it could have one."
>>
Or we could give it a ridiculously prophetic meta name that might raise a few characters eyebrows, I just can't think of any good ones.
>>
>>4738832
fate quest?

but yeah, i'm actually somewhat surprised what a gold mine it is you had here.
>>
>>4738834
Brandon's Bane lol. Or Ice Pick if you want to kill the Night King/book equivalent with it.
>>
>>4738838
Fate quest is the single most active quest on this board, I think since its inception. Just check the catalog, you'll see 6 threads of Fate quest because it reaches the bump limit so quickly. This latest one has broken all records, 1200 posts in not even 2 days. You're on a similar trajectory, for now. Keep it up!
>>
>>4738842
>making a new thread just because you hit the bump limit
fuckin gay as fuck bro

gotta get that 3000 post count like a real nigga do
>>
>>4738842
Primarch quest is at a similar level, though the QM doesn't make a new one when it hits the bump limit. Between those three, maybe we're about to enter a /qst/ renaissance. One can hope, at least.
>>
>>4738838
>>4738842
Yeah Fate's half as active as Shadowquest at its peak, and amazing by any stretch of the imagination.

>>4738802
Also try calling the Hound by his name because I just remembered he doesn't like his nickname. Fuckin' whoops.
>>
>>4738850
Sucks if its a good quest because I hate the source material with a fucking passion.
>>
>>4738850
Agreed, we should start calling him Sandor.
>>
>>4738823
Why the fuck didn't we choose to be newborn Joffrey, dealing with these problems would've been easier if we had a headstart
>>
>>4738814
>>4738822
>>4738833
Don't name it.

>>4738809
Lion's Claw.

>>4738808
Rib Tickler

>>4738831
Whisper

No real consensus, so we'll hold off for now.

Writing!
>>
>>4738859
That's what Elsweyr was trying to tell these jackoffs but they wouldn't listen!

No respect, I tell you, no respect!
>>
>>4738859
I despise slow starts and am an inpatient bully.
>>
>>4738848
Black Company is about to be back in two weeks too, and Gnoll quest in a few days, if you're familiar with it.

>>4738846
After 1000 posts the thread just starts lagging too much, taking forever to load. I don't fault him for making new threads, it's not like there's active quests being pushed out of the catalog.
>>
>>4738866
i'm actually pissed now, i was still asleep when this quest started and i already missed an extremely important vote
>>
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Hello.

Nice quest.
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>>4738868
>After 1000 posts the thread just starts lagging too much, taking forever to load.
I have literally never had that problem. Is your internet shit or your computer itself? Or are you one of those mobilefags?
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Everybody's in westeros.
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>>4738872
welcome to my spot on the front page. I plan to be here awhile.
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>>4738877
You have a way to go, but I'm rooting for you.
I would love to see more quests as active as mine is right now.
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>>4738882

Th-that power level . . . it's overwhelming!
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You know what would be a supreme advantage only afforded to us by the might of our modern and meta knowledge?

Alchemical trebuchet rocketry. I'm sure everyone here can figure out the payloads.
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>>4738871
Same, it is what it is though. Time to salvage what we can before it all goes tits up.

Anons, I won't lie, the Hound is my favorite character lets show him some love. He'd be a fine sparring partner alongside Loras. Loras could teach us the skill of mounted combat while the Hound dismounted!
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>>4738888
He's pretty good. Hope we get to call him Sandor and eventually look like less a little bitch to him. Not that most people aren't little bitches in comparison but less would be nice.
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>>4738859
Eh, it's not unsalvageable.
I've been in worse situations in CK2 in the past. Overall, if we can manage to basically do as much reforms as we like in crownlands while letting the lords paramount do as they like, King's landing has population of around 500 000 alone.

If you can implement mass levies and turn them into reserve troops with anything from bows to muskets, that's enough ranged firepower to take two rebellious provinces that aren't Reach with just crownlands levies.

Targaryens left unreformed crownlands, as in the surrounding lands including KL, as levy count of 10-15k, making it the weakest territory in Westeros in terms of armies.

In CK2 terms this means, get used to your vassals asking for increased council power and demanding changes to inheritance laws.

Legality is ultimately irrelevant, every empire gets fucked by ambitious claimants if they king's lands can be taken with such paltry quantity of troops. You have around 10 times less troops in your center of power than your neighboring vassal does by worst estimates.
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>>4738888
Is Joffrey even physically fit? Can he fight? Only a year passes in ASOIAF and Joffrey is like 12
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>>4738892
It would be grand to win his favor, and what better way than having him help train us into a beast of a fighter?

>>4738895
Well, he's young enough to really start applying himself to being physically fit at least.
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>>4738877
Thanks for advertising on the Shinji quest, been waiting for an interesting Asoiaf quest for a long time.
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>>4738826
probably shouldn't have written yourself into a corner or forced a restart from one bad roll.
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>>4738903
>>4738892
Sandor only really abandons the Lannisters cause they all suck, if Joffrey actually shows he has the makings of a good person and king, Sandor will fiercely serve him
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>>4738895
12 is a good time to start learning how to fight, let's make Bobby proud before our family members arrange to kill him because of Eddard's autism.
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>>4738908
GOTTEM!

>>4738905
Drama, conflict and rivalry hypes people up. Gotta raise the stakes, nahmean?
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>>4738909
Absolutely, what is better in life than a loyal hound? desu maybe he can have Sansa while we have Margy?
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Not to retcon things to benefit the MC, but I do know how to do a basic workout at home without a gym. Calisthenics and low weight/high reps.
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>>4738921
Sansa is the daughter of the Warden of the North and Robert REALLY wants the two families to join together, unless he dies, we'll have no say in it
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>>4738921
Now that's the kind of out of the box thinking we need to win this war.

>>4738922
We have access to knights wearing heavy armor, my man. I think they can give us a better training regiment than whatever pussy shit you've been doing.
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>>4738922
Well joffers would have access to the finest trainers available were he to want it. Obviously he wouldn't turn into Ser Barristan overnight but still.
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>>4738908
Fair enough. Still, it was my first quest, so I reckoned it went reasonably well by that metric.

Made plenty mistakes early on, but that's how you learn.
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>>4738929
Ser Barristan, however, is there and would love the opportunity to train and serve a good king. Wonder what happens if he doesn't go help Dany though...
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>>4738933
Lmao does she die due to the poisonous scorpion Barristan killed? That would be funny as hell.
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>>4738935
We can always just try and convince Robert to leave Dany alone
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>>4738933
Every decision we make that goes against what happened will change everything we have foreknowledge of, so who knows?
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>>4738848
I enjoy both of the primarch quest. Though I will admit to finding 2nd funner than 11th. If only because its blend of wuxia and warhammer, and watching a primarch carve through not Chinese tyrants is just pure entertainment

I do like the Maori primarch in 11th to and the quest is great as well, but there's just something magical of a transhuman demigod doing martial art shit while speaking like a poet.

>>4738937
We could use the excuse that we want to "Ride a dragon" to complete humilate and tarnish the targ legacy.

Robert's murder bone might slightly abate then, you potentially, possibly, maybe.
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“I haven't decided yet, Sandor,” you tell your bodyguard, who stares at you strangely upon hearing you utter his real name instead of the short, unsettling nickname by which Joffrey usually refers to the younger Clegane brother. “Maybe once the blade has seen some blood I'll give it one.”

“Planning to gut another pregnant cat soon?” he dryly inquires of your intentions.

You sputter. “No!” you insist, realizing just how much of Joffrey's baggage you've been saddled with. “I mean in battle, Sandor.”

The Hound quietly snorts to himself. “Sure.”

With that uncomfortable conversation abruptly concluded, you follow along behind your family with Clegane at your side as they make their way to another flat, grassy field not too far away from where the jousting grounds had been constructed.

Here, instead of the lists, there is a well-built wooden pen large enough to hold dozens upon dozens of farm animals and properly arranged seating all around it for spectators to sit and watch.

A couple dozen armed and armored men are mounted upon horses, waiting patiently in formation for the arrival of the royal procession and the rest of the onlookers their impending brawl is meant to entertain.

You know this is the melee – another martial competition. But instead of a tournament of 1 on 1 jousts, this will instead be a free for all battle royale with only one competitor becoming the winner winner, chicken dinner.

You could just sit back and enjoy the slobber knocker unfold, but maybe you should focus your efforts on accomplishing something. You are stuck in a fairly tumultuous era only a few years prior to when you know your intended death date is meant to come.

>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y/N)
>Speak with Stannis. He's still probably going to consider you an abomination born of incest once he discovers your parentage, but maybe you can make him like you somewhat if you try?
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest
>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.
>Other (write-in)
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>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
+
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
+
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y).

The mountain is purely a liability, outside of murderfucking.

and at the end of my massive vote.

>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.

Another chance to bond with drunk not dad
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>>4738944
Really, the only reason why Khal Drogo wanted to go to Westros was because of the assassination attempts, if we send people to warn them or look after her, they might think the next regime would look kindly on Targaryens.
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>>4738947
Is there a limit? I kinda wanna do all of these
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>>4738947
It only now dawns on me how weird it's going to look when a psychopath leans towards policies and manners that appear derived from empathy. Better not let Baelish catch on. Or maybe we could use that? Hm.

>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y/N)
>Speak with Stannis. He's still probably going to consider you an abomination born of incest once he discovers your parentage, but maybe you can make him like you somewhat if you try?
I think these two are doable at once, since it's easy to talk quick to two stoics lol.
>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.
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>>4738952
>>4738947
Support. Stannis won't like us no matter what, he will find out about our true parentage eventually and his autism will now allow him to look the other way.
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>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.

Of all of the people in question, this individual is the most useful to us as a future king. He is part of the family and he is competent, even if an alcoholic manlet who frequents prosties.

Also, I feel he will serve us well in dealing with the Cersei question.
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>>4738958
>Y
Kinda forgot the important bit. Geeze our timetable is packed.
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>>4738959
will now allow*
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>>4738953
Also we may be able to convince her shit heel brother to sell her off to us in exchange for a high lord shit and amnesty . Unlikely considering the hell his life had been, but its nice to dream.

I've always thought of Viserys as a one the most tragic characters in the setting. He may have done some bad shit, but he had a lot of shit heaped on his plate before he snapped.
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>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (N)
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

Stannis is a lost cause. Everyone else can be charmed. Sandor hearing his until-yesterday-sadistic-monster of a liege tell him he's gonna have his brother killed is absolutely not going to reassure him. Baby steps. I don't think we have time for a bet as well, and we don't want people to start thinking we're prescient.
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>>4738947
>>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest
Don't want to seem like we're trying to schmooze with Sandor or he'll suspect us of giving him some sort of shittest. And likewise with Tyrion. Bad blood doesn't wash away so easily.

Unless you're young and impressionable, like Tommen.
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>>4738962
Wow I have no idea what is going on with my typing.
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>>4738958
Could claim we had a religious or spiritual revelation while napping. May get the faith on our side if we craft a believable enough yarn.

Would make tywin think we're just scheming for more power and are thus worthy of the throne. Cersei wouldn't and would bitch, as is her nature. Robert probably wouldn't care unless we called to destroy the faith of the old gods, considering Ned follows that creed
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>>4738964
>>4738947
+1
eh, Stannis's autism will not subside even if he likes us

>>4738963
I've been thinking about doing that honestly, mostly because linking the Baratheons and the Targaryens will destroy whatever loyalists exist in Westros, but Viserys will never go for it, he wants the crown, i do feel bad for him though, he deserves better
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>>4738947
>>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (N)
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

>Watch the melee. Bet on the winner.
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>>4738968
Old CK2 trick. Excommunicate your degenerate vassals and take their lands. Not sure if Faith of seven works like that, but you could make a show of it that sinful lords (who also outlived their usefulness) get railed on by the faith and because Faith totally asked you and you totally didn't give them the idea, you put them on trial and take their lands.
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>>4738971
We could swing it so his first son or daughter marries our first son or daughter. That way he'll have more of legacy than the crownless prince or dead end that fucked his dynasty out of existence by being a twat
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>>4738975
Yeah but that can also cause rebellion. However, really bad eggs could be dealt with in such a manner. Namely the chuckle fucks on the iron islands who, without fail, cause shit every other generation after getting their teeth kicked in. Fucking subhuman salt apes, race war now
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>>4738976
that doesn't sound like a bad idea at all, but we can't go for it even if we wanted to, Robert wants dead Targaryens and he's the king
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>>4738984
>Robert wants dead Targaryens and he's the king
For a little while.
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>>4738984
Maybe if we get our social link high enough we could convince him there's no sweeter revenge than fucking your enemy's daughter
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You probably know more about this than me, but at this point don't Jon Arryn and Stannis both know the truth about Joffrey's parentage? Walder Frey is here, so he asked Jon Arryn to foster Sweetrobin with him, to which Jon replies that no, he's going to foster under Stannis. When Lysa hears this, she storms off, and within two weeks Jon Arryn is dead. Also he was reading the book of lineages for at least a week or two before his death, so that would mean that he and Stannis already know about the incest, and have done some investigation too.
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>>4738989
Jon Arryn and Stannis already know, we fucked up not picking newborn, war is inevitable the moment Robert dies
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if we're gonna learn how to fight we better fucking wield Robert's warhammer
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>>4738978
Ah yea, no I was talking about within lands we already have claim for, namely Crownlands. We need to unfuck that territory because even iron shits have more levies than KL atm due to targ mismanagement.
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>>4738998
Yeah but if we keen ned from the conspiracy, we can count on the north and westerlands in joining in the merry shitstomping of the iron shits.
When they inevitably revolt for not being allowed to rape innocent farm boys
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>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest

And in addition talk with Barristan. Talking with someone as experienced at him would be a good idea. Before we talk with the others we should do some actions, for demonstrate a change in us. Otherwise it could look like a lie.
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>>4739000
If we win over Ned, then we hold a massive advantage, the Iron Islands are fucked and we can better deal with Renly and Stannis
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>>4739000
Ned's too honorable. He will investigate, he will find out the truth, things will progress as expected. BUT, if we don't behead him, the North loses its rallying cry, so they hopefuly won't rebel. But there is absolutely no way to actually get them to help us.

The only faction we have any chance of convincing to change sides are the Tyrells. We know what they want: Margaery on the throne. That's the only reason they supported Renly. And we can certainly give it to them, as long as we break the Sansa betrothal first.
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>>4739011
Strategically if Stannis is a lost cause then we'll need Ned. Ideally, we don't want to lose the best potential pieces, but if we have to pick one then I'd pick Ned.
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>>4738975
How do you deal with pagan vassals that are gaining ground because you made the mistake of marrying a pretty pagan waifu a few generations back and have pagan sympathetic trait? I've been having my court Chaplin do conversions round the clock but its not fast enough. Can't really excommunicate pagans who are not your religion.
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>>4739014
>>4739012
Ned is on our side if he sees that Joffrey has the makings of a good king, i really see that as a good path forward. I mean, not like he didn't look the other way when the parentage of someone was revealed to him
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>>4738947
>Patch things up with Tommen. You're fairly sure Joffrey bullied him in their youth.
>Speak with Tyrion. Try to convince him you've actually got a non-sadistic brain inside your skull.
>Tell Baristan Selmy The Bold (Commander of the Kingsguard) that you think he's the coolest
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>>4738952 Y
>>4738959 Y
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Betting

>>4738964 N
>>4738971 N
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Barristan

>>4738966
>>4739002
Tommen, Barristan

>>4738974 N
Tommen, Tyrion, Sandor, Barristan, Betting

>>4738958 Y
Stannis and Sandor

That's 7 Tommens, 6 Sandors, 5 Barristans, 5 Tyrions, 3 Bettings

Tommen first and foremost. WRITING!
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>>4738823
The biggest threat to us will be getting others to take us and our ideas seriously, before everything starts kicking off. And Bobby B will have a hard enough time listening to us as it is, unless it relates to matters of the hunt or the sword. We might get some traction with the Hands, maybe keep them distracted so that they can't focus fully on their investigations.

Littlefinger and the Spider need to be dealt with, but in a way that benefits us, and will need to be replaced by competent individuals.

Unfortunately, we're going to have to let Tywin deal with the schemes of the other Lords. Fortunately, he'll always be in our corner and we may actually learn useful skills from him. Unfortunately, the learning bit isn't going to be fun at all.

And we're not going to solve insufficient military capacity by the time we need it, but we can potentially purge the Dragon loyalists with the help of our grandpa and the Hand, hopefully. I'm sure gramps would approve of remaking the Crownlands into Lion loyalists.
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>>4739018
Alright. Jon Arryn dies. Ned becomes Hand. He investigates and finds out the truth. We are an abomination born of incest. Even though we would make a king ten times better than our father, Stannis is the legitimate successor. What does he do next?
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>>4739022
>What does he do next?
your mom
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>>4739012
If Ned wants honour that's easy enough to display for a non-psychopathic Joff. His hangups mostly involve the lannistars being unreliable liars as a whole in complement. Him knowing isn't as much of a problem in comparison to him believing he can't rely on the Lannistar kids to not fuck with the north in the future, which is the reason why the incest triggered him so bad, since it's literally a betrayal of his friend. Even if he doesn't like that friend much, he'll still support him. The original problem is he didn't believe Joff is the kind of person to honor the vows of the north. It's literally our problem to change. Basically >>4739018

>>4739022
What does he do next if we head him off with this information instead of just letting him discover it on his own? Honour my boy, HONOUR.
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>>4739022
Here's a wild idea, kill Stannis. He's a future fire fucking dork anyway.
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>>4739025
We need to learn how to cry on command to really sell that Joff is devastated about the truth when / if we reveal it to ol ned
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>>4739026
NO FUCK YOU
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>>4739022
Without going into how we know this, we remind him about Jon and his true parentage, and tell him he should be last person to judge us for who our parents are. It's not like we had any choice in the matter. Stannis is consorting with a foreign witch who extracts power from King's blood. If we lose, he will burn us on a stake, without question. There's no option for being sent to the Wall or a life in exile for us. He watched the bodies of the Royal children after Robert's Rebellion, he knows how it goes. Ask him if he will allow that to happen again.
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>>4739029
I'M FREE ON TUESDAY BRING THE LUBE
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>>4739024
I don't think I like you very much, mr. QM.

>>4739025
Our very existence is dishonorable. Our very existence is, as you say, proof of literally the worst possible betrayal of his friend. There is nothing we can tell him to bridge this gap. Ned is almost as unbending as Stannis, and you can't possibly believe he'll do anything more for us than give us a fortnight to leave.
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>>4739034
>Unbending as stannis
Jon.
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we are kinda stuck with marriage, marrying Sansa cements our alliance with the North, but its not needing, but Bobby B is gonna push it either way. Marrying Margaery is the smartest move since it cements the support of a great house that wouldn't go to us and marrying Daenerys destroys whatever Targaryen loyalists exist. A lot to think about
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>>4739022
Keep in mind, Ned is not the only character we can pull a mindfuck on based on knowing just that- and logically speaking we're one of the people that would "figure it out" first just from having mirrors available to us and making a wild guess after looking at our parent siblings long enough.

>>4739034
>nothing we can tell him to bridge
"Jon."

Also, I disagree that there aren't things we can tell him give our wide array of meta knowledge. There sure as shit are things we can tell him. But showing is better than telling, and we'll have opportunities for that.
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>>4738952
+1

>>4738944
Will support 'Riding the dragon', assuming Bobby B doesn't outright hate the idea. We'll need to approach that subject delicately, maybe groom him inst the idea when drunk.
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>>4739039
Well there's also the fact that Dany might not even make it in this timeline OR Dany might become even crazier. It's hard to judge this early, I wouldn't bet on it even while being a danyfag.
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>>4738947
>>Tell Sandor you're going to call him Sandor from now on instead of The Hound or Dog. Promise to help get rid of his brother once you're king? (Y
>>
>>4739043
Would make an even better song than the "Rose's thorn". Imagine it "The stag that tamed a dragon"

People will be singing it for generations if we pull that off
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>>4739041
So your plan to convince Ned we are not an abomination is to blackmail him with something we couldn't possibly have known? Good luck getting him on our side with this.
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>>4739044
I think we can pull enough moves to protect her, if we can't stop or convince Bobby B, we can at least warn her or send someone to protect her so she knows the crown Prince is looking out for her. If Robert dies, we can send for her
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>>4739051
What? No. My idea is to act less like a crazy person and more like someone Ned would find respectable. Ned's whole reveal plan revolved around saving his daughter from marrying into crazy ffs.
>>
Remove the Lineage book from the Red Keep's library, send that blond woman in the brothel who had Robert's bastard away, and now you've removed half the clues in Ned Stark's investigation. That combined with exceptionally good and honourable behaviour towards him and Sansa might be enough to prevent Ned from figuring it out.

Btw we got the dagger from Robert, but Tyrion bet against us too, what did we win from him? Hopefully some more working capital to pay people to do our dirty tasks.
>>
The honourable way of remaining king is marrying shireen to undo the damage to the lineage and deal with the Cersei quietly.

This will ensure Stannis will remain on our side for whatever it's worth and probably could also secure northern loyalties as the matter is too complicated for Ned to get a handle on.
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>>4739058
Sansa also deserves her knight in shining armor. Catelyn however can die in a lake of fire for all I care, namely because she's the one who forced ned to let Jon join the NW despite him being a dumb kid solely because "Muh feefees"
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>>4739059
Doesn't every single noble family worth a damn have their own book of lineages for sake of determining succession and marriage prospects?
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>>4739061
Stannis is too much of an honorfag to go for even that, legally, the crown is his
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>>4739058
It's a lost cause I'm afraid, Stannis and Ned autism is not going to be overcome by us being "respectable"
>>
>>4739051
Also, we could use info that's actually helpful.
Or a promise that we can actually keep.
Blackmail isn't the best bet with Ned, so you're correct there.

>>4739059
>Remove the Lineage book from the Red Keep's library
Great idea, if there are no copies. I think all families have at least two though. But if he can only find out through our own manufactured means all the better.

There are other things we could do with Gendry, of course. We may not want to put him too far out of our reach.
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>>4739069
I disagree because we can eliminate half the reasons Ned goes into panic protective father mode in the first place. But Stannis is, for now, a time bomb.
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>>4739027
Play it off like it's a joke, then get really stoic when no one starts laughing.
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>>4739074
Even if he's not into panic protective father mode, he will still want to investigate why Jon Arryn died, and he'll still be manipulated to trigger the war. I really don't think we can stop this. We'd better start preparing to weather the storm instead.
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>>4739034
Burn the book and keep him distracted. Ned will bury himself in work just for his duty.
>>
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First thing's first, you know for certain that Joffrey must have tormented and bullied his younger brother Tommen relentlessly throughout their youth together and you want to course correct that as soon as possible, which means talking to the boy right now while you have the chance and everyone else is relatively distracted by the bread and circuses of the melee.

Climbing up the provisional bleachers to where your seats are located, you cross the short distance to where your younger brother is sitting. The fearful look the plump, blonde boy shoots you as you approach confirms the hunch that his intentionally difficult to notice presence initially conjured up in your mind.

He's terrified of you and for good reason. You're an abusive, sociopathic little monster – or at least you were.

Now, however, you should patch things up and establish some genuine brotherly love between the two of you . . . or should you?


“H-happy nameday, brother,” the tenderhearted lad greets you, unable to hide his suspicions about the intentions behind your choice to speak with him.

>Hug him
>Apologize for every nasty, terrible thing you've ever done to the kid
>Promise to get the boy a pet that he can love and hold soon
>Tell Tommen you're going to be the best brother possible from here on out
>Tell Tommen that if he ever betrays you you'll kill his cats
>Other (write-in)
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>>4739039
Bang all three. Winner get the spoils after all.
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>>4739087
>>Hug him
>>Apologize for every nasty, terrible thing you've ever done to the kid
>>Promise to get the boy a pet that he can love and hold soon
>>Tell Tommen you're going to be the best brother possible from here on out
>>
>>4739087
>Apologize for every nasty, terrible thing you've ever done to the kid
+
>Promise to get the boy a pet that he can love and hold soon

>Write in: sincerely ask him what his favorite animal is, and talk about nature and its beauty

I'm hoping we can take his love for cats and make him into a little teddy Roosevelt
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>>4739081
>he will still want to investigate why Jon Arryn died, and he'll still be manipulated to trigger the war.

And that's where we head him off. All of the pieces that secure this sequence of events can either be modified, removed from play, or premanipulated by us in their presentation.

I'm not gonna believe for a second it's absolute, anon. A bit meta but it would void the premise. Furthermore we have the foreknowledge to enable Ned better choices in facing Jon Arryn's death. The reason he died is us, ergo, at the end of the day we can acknowledge it as something for us to solve- if it comes to that. Prevention is better, but our options are not that limited.

>>4739087
>>4739095
Seconding.
>>
>>4739087
>>Hug him
>>Promise to get the boy a pet that he can love and hold soon
Now now lets not make promises. That's a fine way to turn into an asshole with a bunch of broken promises and failed expectations.

I'm not at all trying to sound menacing as fuck just to surprise him by being genuine. I don't want to traumatize him with kindness.
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>>4739089
Salt ape spotted
>>
>>4739087
>>Apologize for every nasty, terrible thing you've ever done to the kid
>Hug him

"You may not believe me, but my future actions will prove it. Just wait and see."
>>
>>4739081
>>4739098
>as something for us to solve
And by that I mean literally, we "solve" it because we see Ned talking to himself and scuttling about the same way a certain eunuch did.

We do have to be concerned about what Rocky and Bullwinkle will attempt in trying to kickstart a war after that. They'll move onto another piece, or double down, if Ned (or ourself) is being too difficult for them.
>>
>>4739087
>>4739095
+1

>>4739098
Yeah, Ned won't be dying now for sure. But I just don't think there's any way to actually get him on our side.
>>
>>4739070
Why not go to Gendry's forge, be impressed by his skill, and invite him to work in the castle, maybe work his way up to knighthood. It'll cause all sorts of family autism, but would make Robert's bastard loyal to us, and prove to the other player that we don't feel threatened by Bobby B's bastards. Plus, calling on aid from 'our Bull' would give be a good kek.
>>
>>4739125
The Stag and The Bull. Another good song name
>>
>>4739081
Try and divert blame to the Dragon loyalists in the Crownlands. Then he may spend time focusing on our needs before he realizes he's been misled, if he ever figures it out.
>>
>>4739113
Well, that's kind of the thing. Ned being alive is the condition required to not start a war. He doesn't have ton necessarily be on our side or even like us. He's just not the type of person to initiate a war with the south, even though he is naive enough to believe revealing the truth would somehow save his family.

I'm more concerned with how to keep him and ourself alive when V&B start going into fuckshit mode when their plans "magically" start falling apart.

>>4739125
Not a bad idea at all I think.
>>
>>4739087
>Hug him
its gonna scare the shit out of him lol
>>
>>4739095
+1, he'll shit his pants when he realizes we're legit.
>>
>>4739095
>>4739098
>>4739113
>>4739143
>>4739144

Writing!
>>
>>4739097
>turning him into Teddy

Based, will support.

>>4739103
You know you wanna be the man sitting on the Salt Throne, don't deny it.
>>
>>4739155
Why not move the salt throne to the iron throne and just smush them together?

don't actually do this
>>
>>4738944
They're both very good, though I feel like 2nd's worldbuilding pushes it over 11th.
>>4739097
+1
>>
>>4739160
Salty Iron? We could go the Iron Island route with Theon...
>>
>>4739168
I'm considering it. But I don't have a good track record now, so I'll wait a bit and do some more planning and research this time.
>>
That's a fine quest you have here, gentlemen.

Asking as someone who completely avoided SoIaF trend, is original Joffrey an asshole with a cute imouto, both of them having a tragic life story, like a character from a certain other isekai self insert quest?
Looks like you might have discovered a popular theme.
>>
>>4739178
>a certain other isekai self insert quest?

don't be coy because i have no idea what you're referring to
>>
>>4739178
A complete psychopathic retard is how I'd describe canon joff.
>>
>>4739178
Joffrey was far worse than Stay/Night Shinji if that's what you were asking. Shinji had a fucked up childhood, with a grandpa made of worms that made him rape his sister and raised him to be a terrible person. Joffrey lived with a silver spoon in his mouth since birth and was a psycho. Myrcella is a cute imouto though.
>>
>>4739192
We must destroy darkstar for what he did to her in canon
>>
>>4739178
>is original Joffrey an asshole with a cute imouto
"Asshole" is a pretty severe oversimplification, but Myrcella is pretty cute, indeed.
>both of them having a tragic life story
Hardly, all of the "Baratheon" kids were raised in the lap of luxury. The only thing debatably tragic about their backstory is the fact that they'd all be killed if anyone figured out they were actually bastards born of incest. Later though, things get moderately tragic.
>>
>>4739125
You know what, doing this and also ordering a royal portraitist to make a good traditional sitting portrait of Gendry for us to hang up somewhere nice would be just absolute goddamn icing on the cake. Like, the biggest of balls. The fact that it would just look like crazy Joffrey antics from everybody not in the know is just, ah fuck, I'm already cumming, jesus christ.

>>4739178
He's an animal torturing psycho that moves on to real people whenever he's given an opportunity to do so, and never, ever relents. Naturally speaking he'd be the kind of king you'd have difficulty writing a bad political hit piece for because people would have a hard time believing such a little kid would be so godawful nasty.
>>
>>4739210
Mya stone, is also a person of interest
>>
>>4739214
>the incest bastard collects all his fathers "rightful" bastards
oh my god
>>
>>4739214
I would fucking mine Mya Stone like it was goddamn minecraft my god do i want to fuck that fictional character so bad holy fucking shit.
>>
>>4739210
>>4739214
>>4739218
>create a band of knights called Bobby's Bastards
>have it literally be his bastards

Based King.
>>
>>4739226
Fuck Ill support this shit as a long term goal
>>
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>>4739226
It's a whole-ass family reunion.
>>
>>4739178
Joffrey is easily worse than Shinji, no question. Joffrey was born awful and has no real reason to act like a fucking psycho other than his dad not really paying attention to him, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and destined to be king but he still finds a reason to gut pregnant cat so he can show the insides to his father.

Shinji was a victim of abuse and lashes out because of it, even when he's abusing Sakura and being a general slimeball rapist, he still has his good points like how he actually defended and looked out for Shirou and how he's a polymath who can excel at anything he puts his mind to. Joffrey has none of that, he has no good points at all and has zero reason to act the way that he does, even the incest can't account for how much of a psychopath he acts because he's siblings are both sweethearts
>>
>>4739226
Dude, lets fucking make a whole company of royal bastards, they'll be allowed to hold lands and titles if they show their worth, it'll be perfect
>>
Dear god what will Rocky and Bullwinkle try when they figure out we're acquiring bastards?
I can barely imagine.
>>
>>4739253
>have the bastards replace the rebellious and traitorous lords

Oh hell yea! Perfection would never taste so sweet!
>>
>>4739259
>What is he planning?
>Fuck if I know but we have to stop it whatever it is
>>
>>4739259
Are you calling Varys and Littlefeinger Rocky and Bullwinkle now?

That's fucking hysterical.
>>
>>4739266
>he put portraits of them in the main hall, right next to Robert's
>why would he do that that's the worst thing to do, every noble can see them there

and that's the point, fuckshits! take this power play and shove it up your arses.

>>4739272
Well they sure as shit act like a pair of cartoons.
>>
>>4739274
>Well they sure as shit act like a pair of cartoons.

sweet fuck anon what kinda cartoons did you grow with
>>
>>4739280
American/Canadian. What?
>>
>>4739280
Spy vs. Spy
>>
>>4739087
shoot. am late. but i suggest an awkward sitting next to him and looking away everytime he tries to look at us.
>Other (write-in)
>just sit next to him awkwardly. act as tho guilty of crime that make us qualified to take the Black. watch the melee but like uninterested. walk off and try another time.
because the other actions seems like a great bullying operation may happen in the future.
>>
Oh wait no, it's actually Cersei who would be the big problem with this. Hmm. Welp, sorry mum.
>>
>>4739301
Yep. Fuck her literally.
>>
>>4739150
HUG THE BABY!
>>
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Rather than waste time talking and because you'd like to speak as privately as possible, you lunge for the little boy and throw your arms around Tommen's rotund tummy in a great big brotherly bearhug. He flinches and recoils in his seat as he initially misconstrues your movements, but relaxes somewhat from his tensed posture as he realizes you're hugging him for the moment instead of whatever it is he was afraid you might be doing to him.

Still, he seems somewhat skittish, like at any moment this hug is going to transform into a strangle.

A genuine empathetic tear starts to form in your eye as you try to jumpstart the healing process. “I'm sorry, Tommen,” you bluntly reveal.

F-for what, Joffy?” he asks in a panic.

“For every nasty, terrible thing I've ever done to you. I've been a terrible older brother and you didn't deserve any of it and I'm sorry if I ever made you think you did and I'm sorry for all the things I've done that I've most likely forgotten about but you haven't. From here on out, I'm going to be the best big brother possible and never do anything to hurt you and maybe one day you'll be able to forgive me. But for now I want you to know that I'm going to keep you safe, no matter what happens, no matter what anybody tries to do to you or me or us – I'm going to do right by you and keep you protected. Okay Tommen?”

Far more likely perturbed by your unexpected outpouring of emotion than comforted, the weak-willed child simply returns your hug with a tentative one of his own, softly squeezing your far taller and skinnier form back. “O-okay Joffy.”

“And I promise to get you a pet you can hold and love real soon, okay?” you addend.

There is a pause as Tommen thinks on your offer.

“A-are . . . are you going to kill and skin it afterward like you did my fawn?” he legitimately, honestly, seriously, 100% unironically asks you.

. . . Fuck.
>>
>>4739315
As expected though not as bad a result as I thought it'd be.
>>
>>4739315
>didn't immediately shit his pants and bolt

I'm proud of the boy.
>>
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“No, Tommen,” you answer him in the most sincere, emphatic, quietly intent tone of voice possible. “No I won't and neither will anybody else. You have my word on that.”

“Thank you, brother,” he replies, heartfelt but clearly doubtful of your ability or willingness to keep your word.

You let go of him and make meaningful eye contact with his emerald green eyes. “I love you, Tommen,” you assure him, speaking more loudly now.

“I love you too Joffy,” he responds with conviction and smiles at you, the disbelief that an older, less naive individual would still maintain dissipating from his face and posture.

You sigh out, content with how that went and turn around to start heading back to your own -

Myrcella is standing right behind you. Her hands are on her hips. She's squinting at you, her green eyes searching your boyish features for . . . something.

“Oh,” you utter in surprise. “Hello sister.”

“Whatever game this is, leave Tommen out of it,” she says frankly.

You blink several times, recoiling somewhat. “I don't know -”

“Yes you do,” she cuts you off. “You've been doing this since the joust. Stop pretending. I know you are.”

>I swear I'm not pretending.
>Keep quiet and move past her, don't waste your time trying to explain yourself.
>The game, Myrcella, is growing up into the king I'll need to be.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4739315
wait. Joff killed a fawn and skinned it???
whoah. We better fix things. Also it is time for work out montage to get some actual swording muscles in our body. We spoiled soft.
Barring that,we git gud in readings or people skills. and we need to check to see what we know to make mad cash and madder upgrades.
>>
>>4739332
>>Keep quiet and move past her, don't waste your time trying to explain yourself.
Actions are far louder than words. She shall see. She. Shall. See.
>>
>>4739332
>The game, Myrcella, is growing up into the king I'll need to be.
>Headpat and move on.

That a girl! I'm proud of both of them!
>>
>>4739332
>I swear I'm not pretending....
>Other (write-in)
>Oh sod it! Now I will whine to mother that..that..that you are bullying me now! waaaaaahhhhh!!
(Fake cry and hold up the image we are still a brat. Gotta keep the image for a while before we actually git gud.)
>>
>>4739332
>move past her, don't waste your time trying to explain yourself.
>Other (write-in)
But state, "There are no more games. And there won't be."

Because being cryptic doesn't work if you do it too late and this'll be a good turning point to refer back to when she confronts us way, way later.
>>
>>4739332
>....I realized I was growing to be a monster, rather than the elder brother you both deserve. I know it will not undo all I have done. But I intend to do no further harm to either of you, nor anyone else
>>
>>4739332
>>The game, Myrcella, is growing up into the king I'll need to be.
>>
>>4739332
>The game, Myrcella, is growing up into the king I'll need to be.
manly, simple, and confident
>>
>>4739343
Supporting this, Plus Headpats
>>
>>4739340
>>4739332
Support. Goffrey now headpats his younger siblings. We will do more in our actions, we will SHOW that there are no more games.
>>
>>4739350
It'll also make it seem like it is just a game, rather than an actual attempt to better yourself.
>>
>>4739332
>I swear I'm not pretending.
>Headpat and move on
Are you seriously NOT unanimously voting for headpating our cute little sister? What the fuck is wrong with you all?
>>
>>4739357
Imoutos are dangerous when angry, we may lose a hand
>>
>>4739355
i dont think shed mind if its a game that will last the rest of our life, but she wont believe us either way for now.
>>
>>4739357
Head patting ALL younger siblings regardless or their gender should be the standard. Its cute.
>>
>>4739360
Basically.
>>
>>4739361
I will certainly support this from now on, and I am deeply ashamed we did not think of it at the time.
>>
>>4739345
I'll add headpatting to mine
>>
>>4739360
That may be true, but it still sounds pretty callous imo
>>
>>4739343
support
>>
>>4739337
>>4739342

Keep Quiet

>>4739340
>>4739345
>>4739350
>>4739354
Game is growing up

>>4739341
>>4739357

Swear I'm not pretending.

>>4739343
>>4739353
Becoming a monster

Writing!
>>
>>4739371
Well callous McDecentHuman is a step the fuck up from CuntfaceTurboDildo
>>
>>4739394
Imouto must not fear us.
>>
>>4739406
She won't fear us, we'll be an entirely different person and when she asks us again if we're still playing a game. We'll be like: "You still haven't figured out that this isn't a game at all and that I've really decided to change?"
>>
>>4739410
>70 years from now old ass decrepit joffrey hobbles into her room and throws a plate of food on her floor
>"You just got pranked!"
>>
>>4739410
....while in reality a psychopath suddenly being kind for several months after years of psychoness is super upsetting and paranoia inducing. But, I like your faith. I will share in it.
>>
>>4739421
Heh cruel but based.
>>
>>4739421
lol
I'm thinking we wheechair pass her room and dumped 70 years of accumulated cathair on her everything. Humming the tune of " they see me rolling,they hating. trying to catch me riding dirty."
>>
>>4739421
>King Joffery the trickster
>>
>>4739423
There are a lot of delusional characters who do mental gymnastics in westeros, and opinions of others change like the wind with the right actions. We aren't the first person to decide to turn a new leaf suddenly in their youth, just look at how Rhaegar went from bookish anti-social sociopath to a supposed "loved person of all of the realm". The difference with us and Rhaegar is that we genuinely want to change this psycho kid into a good person, while Rhaegar only changed cause of some autistic prophecy about muh flame sword.
>>
>>4739437
Are... are we sure he's not an isekai protagonist too?
>>
>>4739445
nah. he just a LARPer in a medieval world. gone total fantasy fool.
>>
>>4739445
One who got his chest caved in, maybe
>>
>>4739445
Nah, Hodor was the real isekai protag.
>>
>>4739445
>>4739450
>tfw you are an isekai protag and you skipped the first two books
>>
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“The game, Myrcella,” you start to explain the basic fundamentals of your predicament, confidently approaching your disbelieving younger sister, “is growing up into the king I'll need to be. And whether you or I like it or not, Tommen, yourself and I are inextricably intertwined in that game.”

You reach out with an overhead open hand that causes her to pull back a little bit, wary of what you're about to do.

You bring your palm down in a steady, gradual arc until it collides gingerly upon the girl's scalp. Leaving your hand there for several seconds in absolute silence, you repeatedly raise your hand and bring it back down on her springy golden curls several more times.

“And that means being a better big brother who pats his cute younger siblings on the head.”

Her face flushes, unable to form a proper defense against this new tactic you've developed to wield against her, prepared as she is instead for sociopathic cruelty and torture. She hasn't been able to build up any sort of immunity to the doting older brother archetype and it shows in her nervous, unsure posture.

Satisfied with what you've said and their results, you move past Myrcella and focus on the world outside the small social circle of your siblings.

START THE DAMN MELEE BEFORE I PISS MYSELF!” Robert Baratheon bellows his command from his place of honor at the event organizers and some poor commoner with a trumpet nearly shits his pants in reaction, thankfully shoving the right end of the musical instrument to his lips and blowing hard to signal the battle royale's beginning.

PROOOOOOOOOO

The melee starts and you see a tall, bald fat man in flapping red robes set his long sword alight with green flames, which spooks some of the nearby competitor's horses. That would be Thoros of Myr.

Since the battle's already begun, it's too late for you to make any 'official' bets on who's going to take the victory royale. But that doesn't mean you can't guess who the winner will be.

>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>Tell Sandor Clegane you're not going to call him 'dog' or 'hound' any more.
>Talk to Tyrion Lannister
>Talk to Ser Barristan the Bold
>Talk to Stannis Baratheon
>Talk to Cersei Lannister
>Talk to Tywin Lannister
>Talk to Littlefinger
>Talk to Lord Walder Frey
>Talk to Ser Davos Seaworth
>Talk to Jon Arryn
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4739462
>>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>>
>>4739462
>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>Tell Sandor Clegane you're not going to call him 'dog' or 'hound' any more, he's worthy of far more respect
>>
>>4739280
Happy Tree Friends.
>>
>>4739462
>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'

Instead of telling Sandor we'll just stop calling him hound. That'll work far better.
>>
>>4739462
>>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>Tell Sandor Clegane you're not going to call him 'dog' or 'hound' any more.
>Talk to Tyrion Lannister
>>
>>4739462
Is there any hint we can let slip that will actually help us gain favor with someone... struggling a bit.
>>
>>4739462
>>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'

also voting against going soft on the hound. lets let actions speak and not go too gay too quickly
>>
>>4739462
>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>>
>>4739478
Sandor would be a total power bottom
>>
>>4739478
>and not go too gay too quickly
seconding.
>>
>>4739462
Changing to only:
>>Tell Robert Baratheon who's you 'think' is going to win the melee and impress him with your 'intuition'
>>4739478
Anon is right, we'll have plenty of times to make amends with the hound later, he literally is our personal guard.
>>
>>4739481
Should we cuck Renly by giving Sandor to Loras? Could be a power move heh.
>>
Writing!
>>
>>4739486
That just sounds like selling the poor bastard into sexual slavery
>>
If they murder Robert we should have the Kingsguard beat Cersei.
>>
>>4739473
Agreed

I really don't mean to be faggy with the Hound I just want to be best bros with him
>>
>>4739502
Kinda dark but if we get someone to disappear Cersei then Jamie's gonna become real protective of her kids.
>>
>>4739502
As long as Tywin breathes our mother dearest will be alive unfortunately. She's been planning the death of Bobby for a long time coming.
>>
Look, there's nothing wrong with Cersei, we need to buddy up with Lannisters as best we can anyways all things considered.
>>
>>4739462
>Talk to Jon Arryn
GUYS this is THE chance to make him uninterested in the whole bastard business. Also to make his weird faggy child flee the nest. HAH get it?
>>
>>4739520
too late anon, too late
>>
>>4739520
oof I was too late... but please... jon arryn.... seed's not that strong I swear....
>>
>>4739515
>there's nothing wrong with Cersei
she's gonna shank our bastard bros!

>>4739520
What precisely could we say to him here?
>>
>>4739521
breastfeeding is bad after two years and the kid goes for a whooping eight years with the juice.

>>4739523
I don't know anon, but maybe we could gauge how much he knows at this point, or get insight on WHY he went all Mendel
>>
>>4739515
Agreed, its in our own interests to build rapport with the Lannisters, everyone helps the family in some way except for Cersei. As long as Tywin is alive its actually beneficial to have our family like us. I'm not a Danyfag or Starkfag in particular so there's no reason in self sabotaging ourselves.
>>4739520
...Do you know how autistic he is with honor? Who do you think made Eddard autistic in the first place?
>>
>>4739526
That's fair.
>>
>>4739526
Something something Baelish said different hair color oooo. His own autism and refusal to look the other way killed him just as it did to Eddard.
>>
>>4739527
>>4739532

look, anons, even though Ed "Dancing Legs" Stark grew up to be a one dimensional character, it doesn't mean Arryn will be impossible to deal with. Even if Jon sees us as a freaky demon thanks to all those "rumors" about our sadism, there is a chance we can prevent his death.
By keeping Jon alive, we ensure the starks stay north of Moat Cailin and that is a lot less headaches. My endgoal is having the Spymaster hanging by the dick as well. wait---
>>
>>4739539
Go on.
>>
>>4739539
But anon... Lysa poisoned Jon Arryn in the first place, she wanted Jon out of the picture so that she could get dicked down by Baelish, getting rid of Jon when he knew too much just sped up what was already planned. The Starks coming down the King Landing is pretty much unavoidable.

At least if Jon dies and the Starks do come down here things will be more predictable.
>>
>>4739549
if we fuck too much with the chain of events our previous knowledge will be worth much less, we've got to pick the perfect time to intervene, because after we do it'll all become chaos.
>>
>>4739549
Wild idea, kill Lysa. Then she can't kill people.

Wait hold on wilder idea, kill that fuck Littlefinger instead.
>>
>>4739546
No, that's it... I believe Cersei was pushed to kill Rob because of the starks pissing on her tea just by existing. If we buy time and say "mom we like dady :(" enough time, rob might continue living. Until he dies of cirrhosis. Or syphilis stage 3.
>>4739549
are you sure that shitpost is a good idea?
>>
>>4739554
>>4739549
that was mean of me, I forgot this board has IDs. Are you sure about Lysa? I know Pycelle dealt the killing blow...
>>
>>4739554
Its not a shitpost, its more of a counter argument to your shit post. With Jon alive it actually damages a lot of our meta-knowledge, and for what? To help people who would kill us the moment they find our we're incest children?
>>
>>4739549
The way I see it we can put no effort into stopping the war the weakens the whole of westeros, and therefore whatever result we'll be ruling over, or we attempt to go through a large scale semi-convoluted plot makeover by being in the right places at the right times while having done some sneaky stuff and saying the right things- and then having to deal with the result of the nonexistence of the war as the powers that be continue forcing tensions progressively greater while we to curb the kingdom's whole idiocy while making it out on top of it.

...Sounds pretty hard when I put it that way, but I think it's still dope to save Ned from his raw dumbness.
>>
>>4739562
Well Joffrey was the one who cut off Eddard's head in the first place, Cersei and Tywin wanted him to take the black. Let's go with Tywin's plan and not spark a war in the first place.
>>
>>4739560
Thing is, I see us losing no matter what if the war of five kings breaks out. We will have the knowledge of what haps but at what cost. Of course, QM won't hate us as much if we let the war begin...
>>4739562
Ned is cool but incapable of surviving outside his realm.
>>4739565
Wait... oh damn, you are right. Ned not dying might be enough to prevent the war! Or to weaken the stag's claims on the throne
>>
>>4739565
bt ths wht iv ben sayn this whol tim
Just also want to attempt to get him more on our side to not further alienate the north, whomst's entire point of pride is finding ways to alienate themselves.
>>
>>4739520
>>4739532
Best way to get Arryn off our ass is to point out that his grandnephew is the spitting image of him in his youth and that his own son looks nothing like him, nor his wife. If only we knew of another man who fucked/is fucking Lysa and who will be a pain in our ass in terms of changing the outcome of a great many things...
>>
>>4739599
if ONLY
>>
>>4739601
Man is looking for strong seed in the wrong places is all I'm saying.
>>
>>4739599
Arryn Jr. is not the son of Arryn father who is like 70 yrs old!? OH GOD what a reveal... I love it, let's go with that narrative
>>
>>4739602
Let me guzzle your strong seed
>>
Something tells me George is obsessed with jizz and burly men.
>>
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>>4739607
>>
>>4739607
r-reported
>>
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Moving forward to your father's side, observing the fight unfold before his eyes while double fisting two goblets like an old washed up quarterback might spend his sunday watching a game of professional football on television, you decide to speak with him about who's going to win.

“So father,” you start speaking as you walk up to the facsimile of a throne he sits in, the wooden thing groaning and creaking under his immense weight you could almost believe it would break beneath his fat ass, “who do you think will triumph in the melee?”

Deep in his cups now, Robert clumsily turns himself towards you, spilling a splash of wine onto his black velvet doublet, decorated with a crowned golden stag. He chuckles at what he falsely believes an earnest question from who he falsely believes is his son. “My good friend Thoros – the red priest. He'll prove victorious as he has many times before, Joff. The flaming green sword trick rarely fails.”

You fake a vociferation of consideration, pretending like you're thinking about the validity of the drunkard's admittedly solid analysis while crafting a response in your head. “I don't know, father,” you reply. “Thoros of Myr's spectacle, while effective, requires the use of a relatively cheap weapon to be utilized consistently – even if he had the coin to afford it, what warrior worth his salt wants to ruin a good sword. And burning a blade with wildfire can't possibly be good for the steel's structural integrity, especially if it's cheap one. If the wildfire gutters out, he'll be left practically defenseless with a brittle, blackened blade ready to break.”

Robert looks at you askance. “Alright son, if you're so doubtful of my pick, who do you think will be the melee champion?”

“Lord Yohn Royce of Runestone,” you answer his pointed question with conviction. “He's an experienced combatant and unlikely to balk in the face of wildfire, nor would he be foolish enough to bring a steed so susceptible to panic as an accomplished tourney knight who should be acquainted with the red priest's tactics by now. And his bronze armor is said to be engraved with runes which protect him from danger – maybe they ward off fire.”

The warrior king's jiggly jelly belly rumbles with laughter at your explanation. “Bronze Yohn got his arse kicked by Rhaegar Targaryen at the tourney in Harrenhal decades ago. Do you remember Rhaegar, son?”

“Yes fa-”

“He's the silver-haired shit whose chest I caved in like it was made of twigs and chicken bones. If Bronze Yohn couldn't handle that paltry excuse for a dragon then I doubt he can handle real fire in his face now. Thoros takes the champion's purse.”

“Very well, father. We shall see,” you remark offhand.
>>
Pussy Slayer was an inspired name Trick, given Joffrey's history of cutting open pregnant cats.
>>
>>4739622
hohly fhuck i did not catch that
>>
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Together, the two of you watch the battle ensue, dozens of well-trained military man battering and bashing each other until one by one they either yield or go slack and vacate the arena as all around their massive clash the smallfolk and nobles cheer for the sport, the bloodshed or perhaps an individual combatant they've picked to back and support with bets of gold and silver.

Even though you know what the outcome will be, you're still somewhat on the edge of your seat watching it play out with every swing and strike. There are several moments where it looks like the older Yohn Royce will falter and fail and think to yourself that maybe you somehow already altered the timeline of events heavily enough to change the victor of this tournament, but every single time he gets back up, finds his footing or experiences a second wind and gets back into the throng of action.

It's a lot like watching a boxing match, only far more likely for one of the participants to accidentally kill each other.

After several intense, pulse pounding minutes that you can tell the fat man sitting beside you is relishing, vicariously experiencing every blow as if he were there in the midst of the action.

Eventually, however, your prediction does indeed come to pass. The only two fighters remaining on the mock battlefield are the fat red priest and the gray-haired lord armored in bronze.

Thoros of Myr's flaming sword, which has been sputtering for the last several second, finally extinguishes itself with one last lick of green flame. Lord Yohn Royce drops his fancy sword when he sees that happen and draws a common mace, surging forward to finally engage this last hurdle between him and his victory.

Robert Baratheon's jaw drops as he watches the two men clash, Thoros of Myr's cheap, burnt black sword shattering as it makes contact with the Bronze Yohn's blunt instrument of destruction.

Thoros realizes he's lost as the metallic shards scatter in a fantastic spectacle and he holds his hands up, yielding to the older warrior.

The melee held in your honor ends and all around you men and women start to cheer for the champion.

The King looks at you with wide eyes, gobsmacked at your amazing foresight and apparent clairvoyance at assessing skirmish tactics and their ultimate result.

“ . . . You're serious about becoming a proper warrior then, Joff?"

>With all my heart, father.
>Eh, it was a lucky guess. I'm no savant.
>Maybe I should think about becoming a battle commander instead.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4739632
>>With all my heart, father.
We got the genes for it, since y'know. Jamie...
>>
>>4739632
>With all my heart, father.
>>
>>4739632
>>With all my heart, father. Strategy and sword alike.
>>
>>4739641
+1

Also, be on our toes and ready to dodge because I'm 65% sure he's gonna test a smack at us.
>>
Y'all don't want to be a commander and use your autistic knowledge of medieval tactics and common sense to bash your enemies? It's only like these dudes will be playing checkers to your backgammon.
>>
>>4739632
>Maybe I should think about becoming a battle commander instead.
I wanna commander desu
>>
>>4739649
You can choose whatever you really want to be later, but do you really want to tell Robert Baratheon you don't really want to be a warrior in his face?
>>
>>4739632
>With all my heart, father.
>I should think about becoming a battle commander also.

Might as well cash in now before our meta-knowledge becomes bunk.
>>
>>4739641
>>
>>4739651
gotta remain in character! plus, this is a balsy answer compared to "yes i do"
>>
>>4739632
>>With all my heart, father.
mostly to defend against assasins desu. it'd be dumb as fuck to get into battles willingly
>>
>>4739651
Precisely this. Also, we can say we want to be a warrior and then just pipe up strategically as situations present themselves.

Winning a siege battle by replacing a dead commander at our young age would put us really high on a certain someone's list.
>>
>>4739632
>>With all my heart, father.
Bobby B would be absolutely ecstatic if Joffrey had the fucking balls to be a warrior. He loved fighting more than he loved ruling and he'd love the chance for a son of his to take on that trait
>>
>>4739641
Supporting

Ready to doge like other anon said.
>>
>>4739649
We can be both, a great prince should have a wide array of skills, training your body is as important as training your mind
>>
g-guys daddy won't take us hunting board right?
>>
>>4739665
boaR
>>
>>4739666
trips confirm
boaR
>>
>>4739632
>>With all my heart, father.

I'd say we can strengthen our skill at command after we master our skill at arms.
>>
>>4739665
Just keep an eye on that nonce lancel
>>
>>4739639
>>4739640
>>4739641
>>4739653
>>4739656
>>4739658
>>4739641
>>4739670

[B]Writing![/b]
>>
honestly ASOIAF feels really weird when you remember most of the POV characters are children, Bran is 9, Jon is 15, Sansa is 13. Joffrey as a 12 year old might not be able to do much except not be a psychopath
>>
>>4739674
Encourage Robert to take on squires from other houses. Maybe start writing to Tristan Martell and Dickon Tarly. Not sure who else is around the right age.
>>
>>4739682
Edric Dayne is, but he's already squired to Beric Dondarrion.
>>
>>4739679
TBF we're definitely not getting any political reforms of any sort done in such a small time frame.

We don't even know if half of Westeros is actually going to survive the true winter, which (if we live to see it) is going to be our real test of rule. Real fucked up thing we could do is tell Tommen he's the king now and to listen to Tywin then we run away and get up to a bunch of meta shit to reappear at the last minute with OTHER help like a true drama queen.

We're not really gonna get a chance to just sit pretty these next couple of years, and unless the truly major characters take vacations from their own plots we've got almost negative time to prepare for surviving the multitudes of shitfests ahead.
>>
>>4739685
Ned is pretty based for killing that kid's uncle and then having him named after him
>>
>>4739688
Things are kinda fucked and we're extremely unprepared, war is loaming over us, dragons are gonna show up, winter is coming, the white walkers are coming, crown doesn't have money. Like shit man, we don't have any time to learn how to fight or learn realpolitik
>>
>>4739692
Yeah it's great. I love it!
>>
>>4739692
sounds like a quest!!! I'll sleb...
>>
>>4739689
I think InDeepGeek did a theory on that a while ago. According to him, Ned Stark returning Dawn and helping the Daynes (who were in a real shitty position post-rebellion) did the trick. Specifically, he helped Ashara go into hiding and marry Howland Reed.
>>
>>4739692
Just imagine that you had a choice between easy and hard mode for this quest and y'all chose hard mode.

Sure, easy mode would be easier, but then you'd all be ASOIAF quest CASUALS instead of hardcore ASOIAF quest PROS
>>
>>4739697
based, Howland Reed deserves a 10/10 waifu

>>4739698
gonna be honest, there's no way this would've been that much easier if we went newborn Joff
>>
>>4739702
I mean being not a fucking dick from the start would preempt at least half the people wanting to murder him.
>>
>>4739705
But would it really be an ASOIAF quest without people already being prepared to murder us?
>>
>>4739709
Hey it's only half that wouldn't want us dead. There'd still be probably a third of the entire population that would still want the lad dead.
>>
>>4739702
I don't know, maybe you could have, uh *checks Elsweyr's notes* warned Tywin about the Greyjoy rebellion at age 3 and, uhh *throws dart at dartboard* manipulated Robert Baratheon into killing Balon Greyjoy at age 4 and also *spins wheel of fortune* convinced Cersei to get knocked up by a man she hates at age 6 by quoting the valonqar prophecy. . . . I still want you to write your fanfiction, Elsweyr
>>
>>4739713
...Quite fair.

>>4739714
Lmao.
>>
Would anons consider attempting to get the BoiV to work more closely with us by giving him "prophecies" of things he then learns about later of things we should have no possible knowledge of? Like Dany & Bro's situation, or the north situation (if it develops into war), etc.

Since he's the one character of the three that I can think of whom kinda believes in prophecies and could be more useful in keeping us alive than the others.
>>
FUCK! All my shit for the next update got deleted cuz i didnt save
>>
>>4739714
I think he mentioned up-aging the cast to avoid a Sweets situation. Didn't Velo also do that?
>>
>>4739724
That's karma for this post >>4739714

I also had a crazy plan to destabilize the Vale by contacting House Waynwood and Harry the Heir directly. Offer him Myrcella and a position on the council if he challenges Lysa's control on the Vale for himself. Tell the Vale lords our spies heard Lysa confessing that Sweetrobin is not Jon's child (I mean just look at him. Jon Arryn is still healthy in his seventies before the poison.) Maybe it could work, maybe not. If Harry and the Waynwoods took the bait at least it would deny a clear victory to Littlefinger.
>>
>>4739724
Rip, sweet prince.

>>4739714
Now that sounds fun!

>Tywin, the Iron Islands gonna rebel!
>ingnors the child like he should
>Bobby B! You gotta kill dat salt bitch!
>uuhhh, did that toddler speak? go to sleep son
>Mama, you gotta have a baby with papa!
>Cersei either laughs, gets suspicious, or bangs da brother

I need this in my life.

>>4739722
Sure. We should also get the Red Preist on our side, he'll be a more useful ally then the preistess.

>>4739732
>destabilize the Vale
>what could go wrong?

I love it, full support for the autism.
>>
One last crazy plan in the demented depths of my mind: send a messenger to Melisandre on Dragonstone right now, telling her that we have had a vision from the Lord of Light, telling us to contact her for help. He showed us many things, for example she is Melony of Lot Seven sold to the Temple of R'hllor as a slave when she was a child. Visions of the army of the Great Other beyond the Wall, visions of war, and dragons. Tell her we believe it and expressly need her help by order of the top guy. She is not 100% sure in her own visions as we see in her chapter in Dance. We may be able to get her to defect and deprive Stannis of the shadow baby-making machine.
>>
>>4739734
Jesus your plans are autistic and surprisingly fun too. I'm happy you're such a good sport for all this.
>>
>>4739734
>We may be able to get her to defect and deprive Stannis of the shadow baby-making machine.

Which results in the reach and stormlands being combined against us. We may not want to alter everything
>>
>>4739738
>yfw he's actually seething and this is just his outward coping mechanism
He's tracking all of our IPs as we speak. Even through the proxies.
>>
>>4739734
>deprive Stannis of his means to kill Renly, thus keeping the Stormlands/Tyrell alliance alive

Truely, a smart plan. Instead of using the seige to cement our control and loyalty of King's Landing, we should totally let it fall to this alliance instead!

But after, wouldn't mind that play. We can ask her the bring Shireen as well, poor thing didn't deserve to be burned at the stake.
>>
>>4739734
Melisandre might be the one character that might not think we're crazy, but she clashes heavily with King's Landing being the seat of the High Septon. There will be blood.

Besides, Renly getting killed is to our favor. We can send the letter after.
>>
>>4739734
oh god lets just roll with this, who agrees?
>>
>>4739748
Let's wait until our name day is over. Pre-voting is a pox and should be discouraged. We have a metric fuckton of thing we can/should do.
>>
>>4739754
id agree if it wasn't because we already know all the stuff that will unfold if we don't fuck up too badly. but yeah, lets enjoy the present
>>
>>4739739
Well in my mind newborn Joff had grown to be a great general and warrior so he unites the Lannister+Crownlands+Riverlands+North army and crushes the Reach+Stormlands army in a daring nighttime battle lol and then annexes large parts of the Reach. That's obviously not happening here so it might make more sense to contact her after Renly is dead like the others said, although I don't see how Stannis will allow that. Perhaps a smuggler of our own?
>>
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“With all my heart, father,” you answer the fat king with conviction as you establish eye contact, and watching as the slimmest tremor of pride in your response passes through his bright, blue eyes, only slightly dulled by the copious amounts of alcohol he has drunk today.

One of the massive bear paws that pass for Robert Baratheon's hands comes swinging towards your face. You jump backwards in an artful dodge, avoiding the swipe entirely.

The Lord of the Seven Kingdoms looks at you in authentic stupefaction. “What in the seven hells did you do that for, boy?”

“I thought you were going to try to hit me and . . . attempted to predict your movements,” you inform him honestly of your reasoning.

He cackles at your explanation. “I didn't think you were a fucking green seer, Joff. I was going to put my hand on your shoulder. Now get back here.” He motions for you to approach.

Blushing in embarrassment about your dramatic misinterpretation of Robert's intentions, you step forward.

WHAM!

Cersei lurches forward in her own seat nearby, emerald eyes wide with fury as it feels like someone chucked a whole ham full force at the side of your head, knocking your whole world just about vertical as your neck almost breaks at a ninety degree angle. Your vision swims and for a brief moment goes black before returning a split second later, far fuzzier and dreamlike than before while your ears ring. You got walloped so hard you think you nearly got sent straight back to your twin bed on Earth.

Stumbling in place, you find your footing again without falling on your ass, proving to your father that you at least aren't a one hitter quitter.

Daddy then places the very same palm he just whacked you upside the head with atop your shoulder, squeezing it hard enough to just about break your shoulder blade.

“Good to hear, son!” he barks loudly, which is good because you probably wouldn't have heard his voice otherwise considering how far away it sounds right now. Your abusive dad then starts laughing uproariously at you before saying “We'll start your training in earnest first thing in the morning.”

Queen Cersei, already upset at the fact that the husband she hates has just physically assaulted her favorite progeny, leans forward, rage stitched into those beautiful features of hers as she seems to have words to the contrary of Robert's declaration. “I'm taking the children with me to Casterly Rock when my father leaves the capital tomorrow.”

Robert looks very annoyed by his shrill, nagging wife, but is also on the verge of relenting due to sheer apathy. “You heard the boy, woman. He's practically a man grown today and wants to learn how to fight like a real soldier. He could stand to take a few beatings without you around to coddle him after every scratch.”
>>
>>4739758
...There's a reliable knight we could use.
>>
>>4739761
I knew it! Of course, knowing it doesn't prevent a bad result. Could this become a theme? Oh god.
>>
Oh shit! If this is the tourney on Joffrey's birthday, that means Jon Arryn is poisoned and dies a fortnight from today – two weeks, fourteen days. During that time, Cersei and her incest kiddies aren't in King's Landing. This could be a real diverging point if you put your foot down and insisted on staying here to spend time with Robert Baratheon instead of whatever it is the 'real' Joffrey did with his family on the way to Casterly Rock. If you stay here, you'd be in King's Landing for everything that goes down around this point in the novels – Stannis and Jon Arryn investigating and discovering the truth of you and your siblings' parentage, Littlefinger convincing Lysa Arryn to poison her husband to prevent Stannis from fostering her child at Dragonstone, Jon Arryn's death, Stannis's flight from the capital, and finally Robert's decision to name Ned the new Hand of the King.

You could potentially alter a fair portion of that if you played your cards just right over the course of the next fortnight. Of course . . . that would throw off the direction the narrative is heading by a fair margin very early into your new life here and it might just be easier for you to give up on changing any of that and instead bond more with your Lannister family members – maybe explore Casterly Rock.

Ultimately, the decision on what to do is yours, Joffrey Baratheon.

>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
> . . . Other? (write-in????)
>>
guys, let's just follow the storyline for a while, once a divergence happens our foresight powers will wane too hard
>>
>>4739766
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739766
Clean our face as best we're able and don't bitch about it. We expected something like this. Be stoic and manly and.

>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
Staying with the father who just beat them in public is what a real man does. Especially if they can use circumstantial bullshit to alter whole timelines.
>>
>>4739770
You have no sense of adventure
>>
>>4739766
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
If ol' B-man gets pissed just tell him we want to train with lesser warriors first before coming to him so we don't disappoint him so hard in the beginning. Play his pride. He's dumb.

Or just stay. I don't care. I'm just watching this wild ride.
>>
>>4739766
A tough choice. I'm torn myself. Changing the plot this early could be good and bad, since we won't have certainty about what happens next. Spending time with the Lannisters could also help to shore up our relationships with them, particularly Tyrion and Tywin, which will help us later.

Can we do a little bit of hedging and go to Casterly Rock, but take the Lineages book with us? Secretly, of course, whether it's by stealth or convincing Pycelle the Lannister toady to not log the checkout in the books.
>>
>>4739766
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
Perfect opportunity to bond with grandpa and show him we won't be a terrible king. He's the best possible mentor we could have had for all the political and strategic stuff, and he's solidly in our corner.
>>
>>4739779
its not like that, i just don't want to waste our only chance at a real divergence, make it a real clusterfuck worthy of a quest

>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739766
>>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739766
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
I wanna bond with our family more, maybe star working on a positive relationship with Tywin and Tyrion. I will say though, icee choose to stay with daddy dearest, this would be the perfect chance to get our 'Bull' on side.
>>
>>4739766
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
We can train with Jaime in combat and with Tywin in tactics. We have one night to probably do one thing, I think that thing would be getting Jon Arryn to doubt his fathership of Sweetrobin. He'll want to keep the boy close while he investigates, which may or may not save his life.
>>
>>4739766
>>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739789
. . . what?

No, you have zero nights to do zero things. That's the point of the vote. Where are you going
>>
>>4739795
Cersei said that she's leaving tomorrow, did she not? Would that not mean that we have a night between now and then?
>>
>>4739795
>when my father leaves the capital tomorrow.”
>>
>>4739796
Children should not stay up past their bedtimes. Children also do not follow rules.
>>
>>4739796
>>4739798

You already agreed to spar with Loras today. That's going to be your one thing unless you flake.
>>
>>4739800
What about the night? That's what that anon said.
>>
>>4739800
Can we steal the book in the night? If Jon Arryn doesn't have it already that is.. iirc the book came after the field trips to Gendry and the brothel, but I could be wrong.
>>
>>4739799
We've traded retarded psychopath for cheekily good-natured scamp.
>>4739800
Ah. Nothing our newfound charm can't smooth over. Eventually.
>>4739801
I'd imagine he'd beat us so black and blue we'd just want to sleep afterwards.
>>
>>4739803
>join Jon on his field trip to Gendry
>adopt Gendry as a buddy

The plan's shaping up lads!
>>
>>4739807
>I'd imagine he'd beat us so black and blue
Loras is not a retard. He just beat the motherfucking kingslayer, and we can barely hold a sword. He will go easy on us.
>>
>>4739807
Just ask our brother or the Hound to get the damn book for us if it's that important. Unless we're staying, of course.
>>
>>4739801
The idea that you're going to convince a random dude you barely know who you haven't once talked toabout the parentage of his kid right after sparring to exhaustion with Ser Loras is so stupid that even Elsweyr, in-character, doesn't consider that a possibility.

You will not accomplish anything of note in one night, the night of our birthday after a tournament, after sparring for hours with Loras. Even if you neglect sparring with Loras that's still really not going to work. You can't do anything in one day, especially since you neglected talking to Jon Arryn at all during the tourney itself.

It's not happening, that's stupid, I'm giving you fair warning now that you're objectively incorrect.

>>4739803
This, however, is not completely fucking stupid.

Just, y'know, make your decisions knowing this shit. There is zero chance in hell you're convincing Jon Arryn of anything in one night, tonight, let alone the chance of even being able to talk to him.
>>
>>4739809
Madman! We go with him and recruit Gendry right in front of his eyes.
>>
>>4739812
>It's not happening, that's stupid, I'm giving you fair warning now that you're objectively incorrect.
I am beginning to think you are somewhat retarded. I did not say we should try to convince Arryn, because I agree the plan is very retarded. I'm saying we have the chance to do one single non-strenuous thing in the night. That's all. You're barking up the wrong tree.
>>
>>4739766
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739766
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock

I'd hate to diverge by too much too soon, besides the Hound can train us on the road, as well as Ser Jaime? I don't recall his whereabouts at that point.

Perhaps we can frame it as getting some experience on the road, and hopefully uncle bobby b will have a nice training regimen set up for us when we get back.
>>
>>4739814
>I'm saying we have the chance to do one single non-strenuous thing in the night. That's all. You're barking up the wrong tree.

And didn't I just link to a post suggesting to steal book, aka, a single non-strenuous thing during the night?

Stop being obtuse, you're the retard here dumbfuck.
>>
>>4739814
We'd have to find out where the damn book is in the first place, which won't be accomplished when we're half falling asleep in the dead of night. Face it anon, it's King's Landing or bust.
>>
>>4739814
>>4739817
The immovable autist versus the unstoppable retard, who will come out on top in this clash of TITANS!?

My bet is on the one on the internet.
>>
>>4739766
>>4739788
Fuck it, I like the idea of getting a head start on our band of bastards! Switching to
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739812

Based QM, need more of your kind around these parts
>>
Hey QM, did we win anything from Tyrion since he bet against us? Or was it a trivial amount?
>>
>>4739824
We're a Lannister King, of course it's going to be a trivial amount.
>>
>>4739795
>No, you have zero nights to do zero things. That's the point of the vote. Where are you going

>>4739800
>You already agreed to spar with Loras today. That's going to be your one thing unless you flake.

>>4739817
Look at your own posts you fucking moron. First you said we can't do anything, then you started arguing with me about Arryn when I never suggested anything about Arryn. It's alright to be wrong, just stop digging your heels at something this stupid.
>>
>>4739824
Considering Joffrey's a prince, I don't see a reason to keep track of gold crowns or dragons or whatever they're called. You have access to so much monetary wealth its absurd. Maybe if you get dethroned but somehow survive and our out in the wild we'll start keeping traack of funds, but for now that shit don't matter. You're rich, bitch.
>>
>>4739820
Ser Anon the Wise earns his title yet again. A true warrior-sage.

Book aside, there are other ways to convince Jon to drop the parentage angle. After he gets poisoned his maester treats it correctly only for him to be sent away by Pycelle to ensure Jon dies. If we convince Pycelle to back off, which should be easy as he's a pushover, and then confront Jon, he might feel indebted to us. Stannis though...
>>
>>4739825
House coffers vs our personal stash could be something worth keeping track of though, never know when you might want to spend a little gold with no one knowing about it. At this rate we'll have the stewardship and intrigue of a mormont.
>>
>>4739827
Dude you jumped into the middle of a conversation i was having with a different retard specifically about some plan to convince Jon Arryn he isn't the father of his son in one night.

My out of context statement "you have zero nights to do zero things" was in reference to that, which is obvious to anyone with half a brain.

If I had said that to some anon posting "can we tell Myrcella good night tonight" you might have a fucking point, but instead you're just a dumbass who jumped into the middle of an argument i was having with an even bigger dumbass and now you're mad you looked like you were white knighting for a retard, which you were, by accident, you obtuse, autistic, retarded motherfucker.

Shut the fuck up.
>>
>>4739766
Stay in Kings landing.
>>
>>4739835
>1 post by this ID

yea yea, samefag, suuuuuuuure.
>>
>>
>>4739832
lol so much for QM impartiality
>>
>>4739837
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SK0cUNMnMM
>>
>>4739831
Eh, I consider that to be a bit too much micro to consider, plus we're a fucking Lannister, our gramps shits gold, so I doubt anybody's going to be paying attention to our spending habits unless we're planning on renovating Harrenhal.
>>
>>4739836
B-but muh king!
>>
>>4739832
>QM says we have zero nights to do zero things, that's the point of the vote
>Anon points out we're leaving tomorrow
>QM says we're sparing with Loras, there's not enough time in the day
>Anon points out there's still the night
>QM FINALLY says we do have some time in the night, but because he's a fucking autistic retard who cannot admit he was wrong he has to pretend this is about Jon Arryn, somehow, and not about WHETHER WE HAVE THE TIME TO DO ZERO THINGS OR NOT.

Dude. My due. Are you even listening to yourself? Is being right so important to you that you cannot concede one single, measly thing? Is your ego that fragile that it recoils in horror at the thought of maybe being wrong about a tiny little thing?
>>
EVERYONE CEASE YOUR RETARDEDNESS
>>
>>4739838
>it's a requirement for QMs to be impartial and avoid hurting retards' feefees
>>
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>>4739836
I just got here.
>>
>>4739830
>After he gets poisoned his maester treats it correctly only for him to be sent away by Pycelle to ensure Jon dies.
That's an important detail I had forgotten about. Pycelle must have been pressured by Cersei to do it then. Will he listen to us over Cersei? Seems unlikely.
>>
>>4739846
This is a safe space, bigot
>>
>>4739849
>>4739846

CEASE
>>
>>4739843
Seriously the plan you're pushing is foolish, and qm is right that it would be impractical to do given the current circumstances.
>>
>>4739838
Alright guys I'm gonna stop you here before you go any further and get disappointed. I jumped and started a quest quickly, but I'm not seeing how I can continue this quest further. I have a lot of ideas, because I really was imagining this self-insert scenario for some days now. I have elaborate ideas in my head about not telling Jon Arryn about the true parentage of his child:

1. You only have one night left in King's Landing so I really don't think it's possible for you to convince a stranger he's a cuckold

2. In three years, you can collect all of Lysa Arryn's breast milk and . . .



>>4739843
>Are you even listening to yourself?

Are you?

>Is being right so important to you that you cannot concede one single, measly thing?

Is being right so important to you you cannot concede one single, measly, thing?

>Is your ego that fragile that it recoils in horror at the thought of maybe being wrong about a tiny little thing?

Is yours?

Sounds like a lot of projection going on in your post, muh dude
>>
>>4739848
If we have Sandor with us, he will.
>>
Fucks sakes guys can we just pick something? I know shit about Game of Thrones but this quest is lite as fuck. Please dont ruin a good thing.
>>
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>>4739849
That sounds like commie talk
>>
>>4739848
Just tell him we'll be worse than mommy AND skin his dick.
>>
>>4739852
Damn it man, stop being baited.
>>
>>4739851
>Seriously the plan you're pushing is foolish
I AM NOT PUSHING THIS PLAN. FOR FUCK'S SAKE. I AGREED IT WAS RETARDED. DOES NO ONE READ ANYTHING ANYMORE?

>>4739852
Alright. You win. I'm out. Congrats. Have fun!
>>
>qm and anons in this quest

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RRdIltdDE4A
>>
>>4739848
Woah what the fuck this is the most surprising post in this thread. Are you LEARNING? This is the first time you haven't autistically assumed that some grown ass adult with the legal power of life and death over countless thousands wouldn't just go, "woah, you're right kid!" over some left field revelation.
>>
>>4739861
gottem!
>>
>>4739836
We're on the first page of the board, new players aren't unreasonable. But do go on about Lysa's breast milk, I'm intrigued...
>>
>>4739861
seething
>>
>>4739865
Does that mean we can have an actual quest update?
>>
>>4739865
Update?
>>
>>4739872
As long as it's King's Landing, yes.
>>
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Aight I'm going to take a shower now and things have gotten a little hectic because of my tendency to shitpost and rile up autists.

I'm going to do a re-vote to collect everything here, so reply to this post. You MUST have more than one post in the thread for me to count your vote.



TONIGHT AFTER THE MELEE, JOFFREY IS SPARRING WITH LORAS AND IS NOT SURE IF HE WILL BE TOO TIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE! REGARDLESS, THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME LEFT IN THE DAY TO DO REAL POLITIK

AS FOR TOMORROW:

>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739864
B-but muh Valonqar prophecy and Tysha's rape! Surely they'll believe I'm an omniscient being not from this world and they don't follow my advice everyone will die?!
>>
>>4739876
>>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739766
>>4739876
> . . . Other? (write-in????)
>tell Myrcella good night tonight
>>
>>4739876
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon

I'd love to fix our fuckup with the family, but becoming bros with Gendry is my priority!
>>
>>4739876
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
>>
>>4739876
You might want to leave this up overnight. This is an important decision, and even I'm still torn on what to do.
>>
>>4739879
That's going to happen regardless anon.
>>
>>4739876
I vote we stay with "dad" and learn how to make things more deader.
>>
>>4739876
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
Tryina shift the result ehhhh? Well I'm wise to yer tricks ya wily badger banging bastard uhuh. Y'ain't foolin' me. My brain is just too dang ol big for yuh. Hoowee thought you could slipit on past me but no siree I'm too damn aware. WOO.

What were we doing again?
>>
>>4739882
You know what to do. Keep both Littlefinger and Jon around to cuck them.
>>
>>4739861
Later alligator
>>
>>4739885
Staying in Castle Rock, jeez try to keep it straight old man.
>>
>>4739876
>>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
Whichever wins, I hope we get some Martinian food descriptions for our evening meal.
>>4739881
Based.
>>
>>4739887
...being called the Crocodile of King's Landing does have a lovely ring to it.
>>
>>4739876
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739772
>>4739876
changing my vote for the record to
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
when retards start making the same choices as you it's time to take a step back and reevaluate your life choices
>>
>>4739894
wew
>Go with Cersei to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739888
Straight like them eights I tell ya h'wat. I remember eight ball - colored man, bald head - way back in the shit. He stepped on a land mine. Does it count as blackface if it is literally part of a black face on ya?
>>
>>4739896
That depends, is he one o' dem lighter skinned fella's or is he as black as your sight when yo' drink grandpapi's moonshine?
>>
>>4739896
>>
>>4739902
Got a lil darker from the explosion. What was left of 'im anyway.

>>4739905
It's called a shitpost young'un ain'tchu know what that is?

In honor of yonder gets y'had. Weren't y'all kiddos 's'posed to be quick on the uptake?
>>
>>4739876
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon

What timezone are you in btw. I live in Australia so I always miss votes :(
>>
>>4739878
>>4739880
>>4739884
>>4739894
>>4739917

King's Landing

>>4739885
>>4739889
>>4739893

Casterly Rock

Aight, writing!
>>
>>4739929
So what you're saying is that if I unleash my full shitposting power I can make your arbitrary number and rating boner go from solid chub to full mast?
>>
>>4739917
Quest just started and I'm not confident about a strict schedule, aussie bro.

So just pop in and see if you can vote on a thing from time to time
>>
>>4739929
best quest right now desu till forgottten brings back stv
>>
>>4739929
That's a shame. Leaving with Cersei was winning 7-5 with none of the posters having 1 post by this ID, excluding that guy you called out. Some might have voted and gone to sleep afterwards. But I'm interesting in exploring both, so no big loss for me. More time for my autism.
>>
>>4739929
Its tied tho
>>
>>4739929
>>4739941
correct, >>4739895
the autism changed my mind, I'll go for Casterly Rock out of spite.
>>
>>4739929

>>4739894
>>4739895
>>
>>4739944
You . . . fucking . . .ugh, okay, so it's tied.

Thanks, I hate it.
>>
>>4739950
Flip for it.

FLIP FOR IT

DICE ADDICTION
>>
>>4739960
No you haven't. Casterly Rock was winning fair and square even without that post you called out for 1 Post by this ID.
>>
Wait a second . . .


>>4739772
>>4739775
>>4739786
>>4739794
>>4739822
>>4739835

Stay in King's Landing

>>4739780
>>4739782
>>4739783
>>4739789
>>4739815
>>4739816

Go to Casterly Rock


This . . . is also a tie
>>
>>4739984
We obviously must split into joff and rey so we can do both at once
>>
>>4739985
>rey
Oh god not again
>>
>>4739984
Well that one anon did change his vote
>>
>>4739986
we must purge our evil like Majin buu
>>
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Aight, as much as I love floundering, we're going to do a 3rd re-vote.

This is it.

The final one.

The final tiebreaker.

I'm putting this vote up and then going to bed. I'll check it in the morning.

Please don't samefag. Only respond to this post with your vote for one of the two options. Try not to have any unnecessary conversations and do your best not to antagonize each other OR switch your vote after you've already posted it, because that's what threw me off BOTH times I tried to see which option won.


>Stay in King's Landing
>Go to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739984
Lmao. Truly amazing. I will break my neutrality and lean towards going to Casterly Rock, if only because it lines up with my perfect 10/10 gg no re campaignTM in my head. Also I'm pretty sure this anon >>4739772 will want to change his vote to Casterly Rock too, see >>4739894 >>4739895
>>
>>4739989
>>Go to Casterly Rock
Alright we get it, you want to stay in the red bricked shithouse.

But I am unyielding like a deadbeat dad being told to take his son out fishing. Not gonna happen.
>>
>>4739990
I agree
>>
>>4739989
>>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4739989
>>Go to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
let's rock out with Bobby B!
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4739989
Next time roll a 1d2
>>
>>4740008
>>4740013
>>4740025
Be a little less obvious, samefag-kun.
>>
>>4740066
I just found this thread but okay

be that way
>>
>>4739989
Kings landing.
>>
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>>4740066
Ok Anon
>>
So, what is everyone's opinion on the freys?
>>
>>4740159
useful idiot/fall guy to take the blame for something
>>
>>4739989
>>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4739989
>Stay In King's Landing with Robert Baratheon
Wow I fell asleep and trolls and autists appeared suddenly. Can we go with the interesting vote and also not do anything with Jon. Pretty sure we can do both y'know? I thought we were going to train Joffrey instead of being coddled.
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
I missed all these hours of superb autism, just to sleep?! Fuck me.

>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
Also for the anons afraid of losing rapport with the Lannisters. How? Because we decided this one time to not to be a bitch like OG Joffrey?

I know Cersei likes treating her kids like they were weak and defenseless but even she must have some sort of pride when she see's Joffrey finally manning up and taking up a sword. Tywin would be watching too, and he'd at least be intrigued that his grandson is not turning into someone useless.
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
Woah. This blew up in replies! The quest really must be poppin off. I what's going o-

>>4739989
>Aight, as much as I love floundering, we're going to do a 3rd re-vote
Oh.
>>
>>4740368
I don't get the samefag argument by the way. This thread is pretty new and was advertised on the Fate quest. Of course there would be nu-anons coming in. Its not like this vote would dead-end us or we lock ourselves to one love interest or something.
>>
>>4740377
>was advertised on the Fate quest
by who? or by what?
>>
>>4740381
By the QM himself, he did a fun post on the Fate quest cause it was the most active on the whole board.
>>
>>4740381
Looked like a guy with seaweed on his head.
>>
>>4740385
So it was what. I should've known.
>>
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>>4740385
It's nice that my quest seemingly inspired the quest that TrickQM adopted and it is seeing such success.
Isekai'd as villain quests are the next step in the evolution of this board.
>>
>>4740398
Isekai Otome villainess Quest is the future we need
>>
>>4740398
Cant wait until We get Isekai Palpatine quest
>>
>>4740412
Fund it.
>>
>>4740403
That would be a fun Quest
>>
>>4740439
Only if the PC is a cute retard like bakarina
>>
>>4740439
Sorry meant to reply to >>4740441
>>
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>>4740447
It better be Yuri
>>
>>4740453
Ah a fellow man of taste
>>
>>4739989
>>Go to Casterly Rock
>>
>>4740398
>It's nice that my quest seemingly inspired the quest that TrickQM adopted and it is seeing such success.
I've never read your quest though.
>>
>>4740484
Yeah, but it was the catalyst for the discussion about isekai'd as villain quests in the /qtg/ I think.
>>
>>4740495
Knigga you're dumb. This guy has been throwing shit at the wall for months and he finally got some (you)'s on this idea. He was posting about asoiaf and dnd before that. Random anons greenlighted this, not you and your faggy little weeb adventure.
>>
>>4740502
Tbh I wouldn't have even noticed this quest if not for the advertising, the board had been dead for a long ass time other than the Fate quest. We need more QMs doing more quests period.

I hope this asoiaf quest won't die because of autism or waifu wars or some stupid shit like that, this has an interesting premise.
>>
>>4740502
Whatever you say, bud.
What do you think a catalyst is?
>>
>>4740507
Something that speeds up a reaction. So the (you)'s he so desperately wanted in /qtg/. Retard.
>>
>>4740495
Yeah that's true. What this anon said >>4740502 is not wrong either. I've had this and other ideas for months, and when there was some interest expressed in it, I ran with it. Anyway, we're splitting hairs at this point, I think it's a good thing that there are more successful quests on the board. Is your quest in danger of ending soon, btw?
>>
>>4740523
>Is your quest in danger of ending soon, btw?
Not really.
>>
>>4740523
Hold up. There is a missing factor that every isekai either forgot or ignore. Does bad habits follow the protag? What bad habits does Elsweyr has? Vaping? Drinking? Smoking? Chronic masturbation?
>>
>>4740528
Excessive laziness and autism are my only bad habits, desu. I don't do drinking/smoking/drugs etc.
>>
>>4739989
>>Go to Casterly Rock

what the fuck is going on..... I wake up to this....
>>
>>4740528
Autism and strange behaviors like head patting is universal.
>>
LOL i come back to 300 more posts and not a single update

>>4739989
>Go to Casterly Rock

thank fuck i get to live the fatequest experience without knowing shit about fate. keep at it trick
>>
>>4740530
So I guess Joffrey now has a harder time getting up from bed and any sitting areas.
Oh no. He has become a cat!
>>
>>4739989
>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4740398
whats another scumbag pathetic villain to get isekai'd as? I genuinely can't think of one who has as much potential for good as Shinji and Joffrey do
>>
>>4740403
there's a manga where MC is isekai'd into the body of the villainess's butler. He pretty much destroys any tragedy she would have in her life and sets her up to be a better love interest for one of the otome protag's love interests but the villainess still has her yandere tendencies except now they're directed at him
>>
>>4740614
TrickQM suggested Voldemort SI in /qtg/ lol
>>
>>4740614
I'm not a big fan of Harry Potter myself, but a character like Crabbe might work out well for the premise.
Malfoy less so, because he actually gets a happy ending.
>>
>>4740627
>>4740614
What about as Malfoy? Would be pretty cool playing as the only Slythern to not be a douchebag to muggleborns. Also to make Slytherns not be outright villains by having one sympathetic student from there other than Snape.
>>
>>4740633
Malfoy is the key reason why Crabe and Goyle are assholes though. Those two always try to suck up to him. It would be interesting playing as one of his minions that don't suck up to him constantly and has independent thought though.
>>
>>4739989
fuck, I don't know if my IP changed or not. Well, if it did, my vote doesn't count so no biggie
>Go to Casterly Rock.
Yesterday I talked a lot about preventing Jon's death in order to stop the five kings war but after sleeping over that it is way more reasonable to let things happen for now. Before, I thought that the argument that changing things too much will make our meta knowledge useless wasn't a good one but it makes lots of sense now.

Is it me or Myrcella is kinda smart? I don't remember her contributions in the book at all... I read the books years ago however and thankfully avoided the show. You guys did the same yeah? Show is bad yea?
>>
>>4740641
>>4740633
>>4740637
i do not care for Harry Potter at all but would be pretty cool to play as some prep school brat with potential for good
>>
>>4740654
I mean she'd be old enough to know that he brother might not be all the right in the head, and now he's suddenly being brotherly to her and Tommen it would be completely out of the ordinary. Tommen is more naive, even as he grows older which is why he wasn't as cautious.

Jon Arryn must die, it works out for saving our meta knowledge and also its too much of a hassle to prevent Baelish from acting later on and Lysa or the Lannisters allowing it. Jon was a dead man walking as soon as he married Lysa.
>>
>>4739990
>>4739994
>>4739996
>>4740018
>>4740474
>>4740531
>>4740537
>>4740654

Casterly Rock

>>4740008
>>4740013
>>4740025
>>4740030
>>4740031
>>4740075
>>4740182
>>4740209
>>4740212
>>4740219
>>4740301
>>4740561

King's Landing


ALRIGHT!

KING's LANDING IS VICTORIOUS THANKS TO THE EFFORTS OF THE NOBLE SER SAMEFAG

WE HAVE FINALLY MADE OUR DECISION!
>>
>>4739989
>>Stay in King's Landing
>>
>>4740664
Welcome back Trick. Samefag or not look at the brightside, at least Joff will be more swole than he would have been if he just went back home with mommy. Don't discount nu-anons coming in, your thread is pretty new.
>>
>>4740667

Your pussy's pretty new, doesn't mean you want a million dicks stuffed in it to break it in
>>
>>4740669
So... you wanted Joff to go back to Casterly Rock I take it?
>>
>>4740507

Nigga, if it wasn't for me INVENTING quests in the 1400s you wouldn't have even been born after my dog fucked your mother
>>
>>4740530
>Excessive laziness and autism

Don't worry, considering these players nearly voted to abandon the whole "becoming a warrior" thing and go running home to mommy, I think they're playing to your faults on accident
>>
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>>4740679
Interesting argument, allow me to rebutt by calling you a faggot.
No but seriously, good luck with this quest, you struck gold.
When the other big quests start running again, the numbers of this board will finally start to properly pick up.
>>
>>4740637
Imagine getting to do whatever the fuck you want and then still rping as a perfectionist white knight. Hahaha
>>
>>4740694
What do you think we're doing in this quest anon?
>>
>>4740664
So does our boy know how to shank a bitch, or does he need to relearn it all?
Can we fucking try to institute sanitation and stuff? Peasants are fucking gross.
>>
>>4740701
Exactly. Acting like faggot white knights looking for good boy points at every turn. Even as a 12 year old tyrant you are still a simp. Well done.
>>
>>4740704
It sounds like that's more of your own personal issues anon. No one brought up simping except for you, that's kind of sad.
>>
>>4740702
do we need to? :D

Alright! So we stay in king's landing. Thanks QM, I feel like reading the books. I read them once years ago and translated to spanish, so I bet I'll have a better read this time. The story will be so much profound if I read Fuck instead of Mierda, I believe
>>
>>4740711
Because I know it's coming. If you're that desperate to gain brownie points with an 8 year old girl, then I can imagine what is going to happen the second a "waifu" pops up. Anons always simp to waifus.
>>
>>4740745
Fuck waifus. They are already going to be throwing themselves at Joff after hismxtreme makeover into a somewhat spergi decently athletic and considered dudewho is heir to the crown, with the added possibility of not accidenting him away
>>
>>4740684
>these players nearly voted to abandon the whole "becoming a warrior" thing and go running home to mommy
You mean the home with Tywin and Jaime Lannister? The former of whom is a renowned tactician and the second of whom is second only to Arthur Dayne in terms of skill with a sword? We'd be able to train as a warrior wherever we went, the timeline divergence is what most people were voting for or against.
>>
>>4740621
which manga is this?
>>
>>4740766
Oh please, former glory mega drunkard robert "doublechin" baratheon is WAY BETTER
>>
>>4740766
Wasn't there an earlier vote about being a warrior or being something else and a bunch of anons were going

>heh, while you studied the blade, I studied the battle plans! A true warrior strengthens his MIND

In like the gayest way possible.
>>
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>>4740784
GODS I WAS STRONG THEN, START THE QUEST BEFORE I PISS MESELF.
>>
>>4740785
Yes, we're making Joff /fit/lit/

“For the truly fortunate man his body is a breathing image of his self respect”
>>
>>4740784
Bobby's technique can be boiled down to "Hit that bitch first and as hard as you can. Then do it again if he isn't dead," which won't really work for someone without Baratheon Brawn. We'd be much better served by training with either our father/uncle or Barristan.
>>4740785
There was a vote where, when asked by Bobby B if we were serious about training to be a warrior, there was a write-in where some people voted to say "Yes father, both in body and mind" or something to that effect. Not sure if that was gay rather than setting-appropriate.
>>
desu im all for trick being an overly aggresive asshole instead of a :D haha lets have fun guise qm

>>4740766
this african american, cane-wielding gentlemen in a suit gets it. now the timeline will be fucked beyond repair and too early, so let's at least make the most out of it. ideas?
>>
>>4740684
Hey is there any day of the week where you run quests of is it going to be a daily phenomenon?
>>
>>4740718
Be capable of shanking? Yes. We just got the dagger for it.
Being able to wash your hands? Absolutely. Medieval settings dirty as hell man.
>>
>>4740806
It won't be fucked if we simply don't do anything to help Jon, we could stay in KL and NOT help Jon you guys do know that right? Didn't some anons want to befriend Gendry or something?
>>
>>4740814
saving Jon is too tempting though
that being said, we could go with elsweyr's >>4739734 insane fucking plot and get Melisandre for ourselves, and just hope her god doesn't call bullshit on our claims
>>
>>4740801
it was sarcasm, nanora
>>
>>4740823
Mea culpa Anon, I'm a retard.
>>
Man I haven't been this excited for an interim between-events update in months. I can't wait to totally fuck this up.
>>
>all these fags whining about timeline divergences and powergaming skillbuilding
>meanwhile all you wanna do is spend time with smoothbrained tommen and precious myrcella

Y'all have interrupted family time. I will now subject you to massive irreverent shitposting.
>>
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Y'know what . . . you think there's a lot of potential good you could do right here in King's Landing during these crucially important days ahead. And even if it turns out you can't affect or change much in a direction you believe favorable, you'll still have plenty of opportunity to work on your swordsmanship and a load of other skills if you so choose.

For now, you'll stay here with Robert Baratheon, First of his Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm of Westeros.

“Father is right,” you tell Cersei, making eye contact with your mother. She looks devastated by the words which just left your mouth. “You told grandfather you were taking the children with you to Casterly Rock. And today I am no longer a child, but a man grown.”

The Queen forces a tight smile onto her face as she addresses you. “You'll always be my child, Joffrey. My beautiful, eldest boy. Grandfather wishes to see you as well.”

“Then he'll have to wait for me to visit him on my own,” you rebuke her attempts to persuade you, insisting upon your independence. “And content himself spending time with my younger siblings instead. I wish to train with my father.”

“Your uncle Jaime will be escorting us there,” Cersei tempts you patronizingly. “You could practice swordsmanship with -”

“I wish to train with my father,” you emphatically repeat, staring her down and shutting her up. She gulps, silenced by your defiance.

Robert chortles, patting you violently on the back. “That's my boy,” he compliments your backbone while in the midst of trying to break it in half. “No one ever learned how to really fight with their mother mewling over them at the first drop of blood. Now run along, Joff. I'm the king, so I have to say a few words to these fools who think themselves warriors. I hope you enjoyed your nameday celebration.”

You bow to the black-haired drunk. “I truly did, father.” And then you do as you've been commanded by your king and father, vacating the premises of the provisional tourney seating while Robert shouts an only somewhat slurred speech to the crowd, congratulating the Bronze Yohn on his victory in the melee.

Shadowed by the scary, looming figure of Sandor Clegane, you walk towards the large red castle which dominates the skyline – confidently presuming it to be the red keep.

Unfortunately, your sense of direction isn't impeccable and you have no idea about the exact layout of anywhere you might be going which you believe the real Joffrey probably would considering he lived most of his life here in this capital city.

Regardless of if you can reach any location in specific, which location are you heading towards now?
>>
>>4740867
Don't worry anon if we play our cards right we can have all of the family time. Just gonna need some legwork and non-intercepted letters.
>>
>>4740896

>Tobho Mott's shop. Reforge this valyrian steel dagger or maybe talk with Gendry.
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
>The Tower of the Hand. Speak with Jon Arryn
>Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4740900
>>Tobho Mott's shop. Reforge this valyrian steel dagger or maybe talk with Gendry.
Maybe we can make a Valyrian Short-Sword? Don't know how much material a Valyrian Dagger could give us, maybe it could be blended with conventional steel to make an actual sword. Befriending Gendry is nice too.
>>
>>4740900
>Tobho Mott's shop. Talk with Gendry.
ahehah
AHEHAEHAHHEhheEuhue

>>4740910
A valyrian steel edged short sword should be possible, if its edge is only on one side. Though to be fair most anything's way better than a dagger.
>>
>>4740900
support >>4740910
>>
>>4740910
supporting, worth a shot. fuck daggers
>>
>>4740900
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
I want to conform myself to keeping our promise with Loras. Maybe he is into shotas... Nah, I don't think we can change Jon, or Loras, or Pycelle. We can steal the book however! Right? But I want that for after we spar with the flowerboy
>>
>>4740900
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
>>
>>4740910
You want to mix it with an inferior metal and risk losing it's magical properties?
>>
>>4740935
Which is why I wanted to go to the blacksmith and ask if its possible to reforge it in a certain way in the first place.
>>
>>4740935
well yeah just bound the valyrian to an elongated edge from two separate bars i'm sure this podunk medieval can do a shitty non whole standard weld mix technique like that
mad fragile tho
>>
>>4740942
Isn't that how katanas are made? The edge is a different blend of steel than the rest. Shouldn't be a problem.
>>
>>4740910
>>4740916
>>4740917
>>4740919

Tobho Mott

>>4740926
>>4740930

Sparring with Loras

Writing!
>>
>>4740951
Was gonna shitpost about superior japanese steel but nah. Traditional katanas have tons of folding with poor quality iron and all the extra oxygen makes them brittle stabbers and doesn't actually help beyond a certain point. Like break with your bare hands using only a stone fulcrum brittle. Since this is Westeros it's the steel backing to the valyrian I'd worry about breaking, or separating, leaving only a sliver edge which would be rather inconvenient for usage. Best to consult the smith themselves ofc.
>>
>>4740951
watch me
*folds your magic dagger a thousand times*
>>
>>4740961
are you guys going to try to give joff a valyrian steel katana
is that where this is going
because i might have to declare a whole nother war mmhm
>>
>>4740962
Traditionaru YI TI steeru is better than gaijinu Westerosi steeru. But in all seriousness a short sword would at least be better than a dagger.
>>
>>4740959
You can break anything with your bare hands if you're strong enough though.

I'll concede I'm not a swordsmith, nor do I know much of anything about it. I'm no good with alloys. Or combating delaminating. All I know is that making a sword with two different types of steel should be possible even if it won't be as traditionally sturdy as a proper evenly forged blade.
>>
>>4740970
Monomaterial is way easier to make sturdier than polymers or mixes of different metals.
>>
>>4740974
Maybe if we put glue in it. That'll stick it together.
>>
>>4740970
It's possible, it also depends on skill. Funny enough GRRM never defined the exact era of King's Landings smithing techniques, however. Plate armor for the noble mounted knights whom also strangely lack rapier or other secondary armaments is just one of many interesting anachronisms in comparison to irl.

>>4740975
You may joke, but horse glue has been an intermediary ingredient for medieval blacksmiths with many interesting purposes, though not usually for swords. Glues have always been super popular.
>>
>>4740984
It's a good material to help attach arrowheads, speartips, axeheads.
>>
Trying to get chummy with gendry sounds like a disastrous idea.
>>
>>4740997
Oh fuck I didn't think of axes. An axe would be very well themed considering what's coming.

Though we might have even more options, especially because GRRM chose to go more fantasy yet strangely has Westeros with high-tech blacksmithing (renaissance era). I wonder if we'll later be able to apply some of the hidden alchemy magic we know about in meta.

Frankly Westeros is just bizarre in tech regards. Consider they have true full plate armor and they don't have gunpowder weapons, and that's only one major hiccup. Knights using gunpowder weapons precedes what we call full plate by a couple centuries. 12th-13th century for gunpowder weapons in Europe, 14-15th for true full plate (quality leather backing, requires help to put on, makes a person into a tank). FP was made largely to protect against strong projectiles and spears since nobody likes their knights getting sniped. It made knights into ridiculous tanks prior to musket lines.

>>4741002
Yes, and?
>>
Why do we want to form a Band of Bastards again?
>>
>>4741007
Well plate was still pretty strong against early gunpowder weapons.
I thought about an axehead of valerian steel, because a dagger doesn't have the combat potential.
>>
>>4741007
An axe is worthless against plate, you should get a mace or a hammer.
>>
>>4740896
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
Get buff. Magic pigsticker is pointless if you are a weakling.
>>
>>4741011
So that we can show everyone how unBaratheonlike we appear
>>
let's bond with our bastard brother
>>
>>4740779
idk i forget, something like villainess's butler i raised her to be very cute. Something like that

>>4741011
cause it would be fun and it gives people who would have no chance to have lands or titles the chance to get it
>>
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Thankfully, it doesn't take you long to accidentally stumble your way into one of your servants and household who is apparently responsible for transporting the crown prince to wherever he wants to go by horse-drawn carriage. He is huffing and puffing as he runs up to you, out of breath as if he had been frantically searching everywhere around the tourney field for your royal personage afraid of being executed for losing track of one of the most important people in King's Landing.

“Your wheelhouse is this way, Your Grace,” he tells you deferentially between nearly hyperventilated gasps, gesturing on where to follow him. “Are we heading back to the Red Keep?”

You shake your head. “No. Take me to the master armorer Tobho Mott's shop at the top of the Street of Steel,” you politely order the valet.

“Very well, Your Grace,” he responds.

Stepping into the arguably comfy confines of a royal carriage, the burnt Clegane brother follows suit and sits across from you as the driver whips the draft horses into moving. You feel the lurching acceleration as the wagon starts being dragged by the trotting equines and relax.

You are escorted from where the tourney was set up outside the city proper in some of the fields surrounding the huge walls of King's Landing to one of the seven massive gates which provide entrance and exit from the capital.

Nearby, the waters of the Blackwater Rush river flow and babble perpendicular to the road on which you ride into King's Landing. Your carriage takes you through the King's Gate, located at the southern corner of the city's southwestern wall next to a prominent stable, several city guards manning its defense, clad in the golden cloaks which serve as the symbol and uniform of their profession.

They wave your carriage through the sally port and portcullis without question, leading you directly onto River Row – the street which runs along the city's eastern wall between the King's Gate through which you entered and the River Gate which opens into the wharfs on the Blackwater Rush up ahead.

River Row is lined with inns and housing for sea captains, fishmongers and other assorted individuals whose interest align with the goings on of the harbor.

Your carriage driver takes you all the way to Fishmonger's Square – an open air market just inside the city directly behind the River Gate – before making two lefts to guide your wooden box on wheels up the Street of Steel from the fish market's southwest corner.
>>
>>4741020
hammer is nice.
We only need to coat it in the VS and we could get a pretty decent hammer.

Thing is it is just the hammer head or axe head or mace head.

The shaft will still be wood. And if you want it to fight of ice deamons that is going to be shattering if hit with their ice swords.

I am thinking just have the dagger reworked into a main gauche.
>>
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The horses pull your lazy, royal ass and accouterments up the street of steel which climbs Visenya's Hill – one of the three hills that dominates King's Landing's geography, named after one of Aegon the Conqueror's sister-queens – until it reaches the Great Sept of Baelor, the seat of the High Septon and center of religious worship for the Faith of the Seven. You aren't going that far, however, as you pass by the shops of the many smiths here in the capital who forge arms and armor here. The higher you climb, the more expensive the shops become and eventually your carriage comes to a stop before the forge and shop at the tippity top – Tobho Mott's.

His home and business is made of timber and plaster, larger than every other building you've seen so far on the Street of Steel. The double doors at the front, which you spy upon exiting your carriage and approaching the smithy, have an ebony and weirwood hunting scene carved into them. Two stone knights armored in red suits of armor in the shapes of a griffon and a unicorn guard the entrance.

Your bodyguard raps his knuckles harshly upon the exquisitely and expensively decorated door, which opens up after several seconds to reveal a slim serving girl clearly tasked with greeting any potential buyers when they first arrive.

Noticing exactly who you are immediately, she bows and excuses herself, promising to bring you the master armorer himself with great haste.

You enter the shop as the serving girl simply couldn't fathom the idea of not inviting in the Crown Prince and you find yourself only waiting for only a few minutes in the entryway before Tobho Mott arrives to speak with you.

The master smith wears a black velvet coat with silver hammers embroidered on the sleeves. A large sapphire hangs on a heavy silver chain about his neck.

“Happy nameday, Your Grace,” he addresses you with a thick accent, bowing in respect of your authority and status. “What can this humble servant do for you?”

>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to rework it into a spear's head.
>I would like to speak with one of your apprentices by the name of Gendry.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4741031
>>I would like to speak with one of your apprentices by the name of Gendry.
>>
>>4741031
>Main-gauche/Parrying dagger
>>
>>4741031
>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to rework it into NUNCHAKUS.
>>
>>4741031
>>Other (write-in) "I have a dagger of Valyrian Steel, I was wondering if it was possible to rework it into a short-sword, perhaps by molding it to conventional steel?"
>>
>>4741031
>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to rework it into the spike of a hammer
>>
idk anything about asoiaf do i have to read to understand
>>
>>4741042
+1
>>
>>4741031
>I would like to speak with one of your apprentices by the name of Gendry.
>Also I won this Valeryian steel dagger and would like to know my options.
>>
Pfftt.. anons are so unimaginative. What we really want is a Valyrian steel letter opener and brass knuckles with Valyrian steel on the pointy bits. If there's any material left, a brooch in the shape of a Wolf's head for my waifu Sansa
>>
>>4741045
I guess part of the fun of an Isekai is metagaming the fuck out of the world.
>>
>>4741033
>>4741042
+1

Didn't even think of a warhammer. That'd be perfect. Warhammer Joff!
>>
>>4741031
>>I would like to speak with one of your apprentices by the name of Gendry.
>>
>>4741050
>Shitsa
>Not Shireen
>>
>>4741042
>>4741031
Hammer idea is better, changing to this.
>>
>>4741042
Smart idea support this
>>
Why do we want to change the dagger too? Daggers are easy to conceal, you can shank people with it unexpectedly, it will go through armour, and does not take much time to learn how to use. Keep it as your backup anime weapon, and wait for an actual Valyrian steel weapon we can merc from one of the rebellious houses. There's some in the Iron Islands and the Stormlands to start with.
>>
>>4741049
>>4741042
This is an amazing idea.
We still have to train like mad to have this tho.
>>
>>4741063
Because a dagger that is easy to conceal gets put through the gaps in armour.
The dagger being armour piercing beats the idea of stabbing through the gaps.
>>
>>4741063
Because you can use a regular dagger for all that stuff no problem. If you're running into a bunch of guys in armour and all you have is a dagger, you're probably fucked. A hammer, you get the heavy material (as nothing suggests in the setting that Valerian steel is heavier than other metals) for the hammer part and you only need to valerian steel for the spike part. Unless you don't want to use a sword, a V Spike + Regular Metal Head is unironically better than a full Valyrian stell hammer.
>>
>>4741063
Joff is going to be swole enough to swing a hammer in this story. He's not gonna be a skinny bitch like OG Joff. He's going to be a true Warrior. Besides it throws a wrench into the whole not Robert's kid thing and makes Jon, Stannis and Eddard look delusional.
>>
>>4741066
>>4741070
Alright I get you.

>>4741073
Eddard maybe, not Jon and Stannis. We pick up the hammer tomorrow with no martial training in our entire lives, we'll obviously look like the untrained green boy we are. Got to be as good with it as not!Dad to make a difference. On our trip to Winterfell (if it happens) we should practice every morning and night with Jaime/Barristan/Robert

Also I don't see many votes for meeting Gendry, so plan Band of Brothers is dead in the water.
>>
>>4741081
Having male bastards that look like Robert when we don't is a really bad idea. Having the Sister Squad of all of his daughters is OK though.
>>
>>4741031
>>Other (write-in)
>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to reforge into something more useful, what are the options available to me?
>>
Isn't a warhammer, which is already great at piercing armor/bashing through depending on what hammer you actually mean, a waste of valyrian steel? A shortsword, an axe head, or honestly a parrying dagger I would think to be better choices
>>
>>4741101
It's for white walkers. They get just the tip. If it's the spike of what is an already good weapon I can't see it being a waste.
>>
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>>4741031
>>4741042
I'd like it to be the tip of a warhammer indeed...
>>
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>>4741116
warhammers are pretty based, desu. AND GRIMDARK
>>
>>4741111
Well in the case of white walkers, wouldnt we really want something we can be more agile with? Or have more reach? Parrying dagger or a spear would be more useful
>>
Tbh I think a parrying dagger would be a good idea, being able to essentially remove an opponents weapon with a block, or slicing right into them with an opening
>>
>>4741118
Wait until we get wildfire grenades. Then we will become the true grimdark.

>>4741126
Yes Trick's been suggesting a spear at every reforging opportunity, it is probably smarter. But is it as cool and rad? The image of young Joff blasting apart a WW with a WH is just too strong in my dick now.
>>
>>4741133
Well, making a valyrian steel warhammer just seems very wasteful, the only real use it would have is being able to gib white walkers, but the style of weapon itself would gimp us in fighting them.
>>
>>4741138
Listen here. Jeff will grow the balls to use a warhammer and he will LIKE IT
>>
>>4741138
The Warhammer Stag rises.
>>
>>4741140
>>4741144
It's a dumb idea.
>>
>>4741157 is right. Next to its sharpness, one of the main advantages of Valyrian steel is how light it is. Warhammers, inversely, rely on being heavy to be functional.
>>
>>4741157
And if it's a dumb idea we can call it acting in character and move on. That's how this whole questing thing works.
>>
>>4741157
>>4741161
I want points in the COOL stat because I am confident we won't see much combat at all.
>>
>>4741161
The hammer's face relies on being heavy, not the spike.
>>
>>4741168
>>4741161
Well, that is true a well. The hammer and the spike hit hard because of the extra weight but the spike adds little, compared to the body.
>>
>>4741165
that's the main fucking idea guys, we aren't meant to get into the fray, that's fucking stupid. if we want a weapon is for a) self-defense and b) look cool.
>>
>>4741163
Our character isn't retarded anymore, so it is in fact not in character
>>
>>4741174
Oh we'll see about that Anon-san.
>>
>>4741173
>we aren't meant to get into the fray

Except that it is inevitable that we will, and we are training to be a fighter as it is, be grand to train up to be a good warrior and bungle around with a wiffle ball bat.
>>
>>4741178
hey only half a day has passed. We are not doing anything in present continuous
>>
>>4741178
>it is inevitable
how come?
>>
>>4741185
>we'll never have to fight anyone its fiiiine
>qm throws 10 assassins at us

Don't be willfully ignorant anon
>>
>>4741185
Good point. It might not be inevitable. It really depends on where we choose to place ourselves. Some kind of war is inevitable, so long as V&B live, but beyond them we can be only as involved as we want to be. We're technically not even a true major character yet until Daddy's ded and Ned fucks up. But on the other hand, >>4741190

Also Trick loves using early decisions like these for cascade plots, if he remembers them.
>>
>>4741190
nigga a fucking hammer ain't gonna save us. if they send an assasin after your ass they'll only send the best of the best. instead of wasting time sweating like a moron, when we have the fucking Hound, we could focus on politics and stuff.
>>
>>4741197
Hear me out. We make the hammer, give it to the hound and forget about it
>>
>>4741031
>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to rework it into a spear's head.
Spears r cool
>>
>>4741198
If we ever get a hint of WW coming up on us for wherever our adventures take us... yes. Yes this will do nicely.
>>
Trick did you get isekaied?
>>
>>4740900
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
Gotta keep that promise
>>
>>4741197
Are you being retarded on purpose or is this just how you are?
>>
>>4741031
>I would like to speak with one of your apprentices by the name of Gendry.
Lets be honest guys. We need to figure out what weapon this body is suited towards, then stick with that. Our boy is a blonde Twink and won't be winning any battles besides the gay incestious kinds.
>>
>>4741227
If only you and i had been here earliwr anon
>>
Just turn the dagger into a pile of dust you can blow at white walkers. It'll kill em super dead. Trust me.
>>
>>4741252
Wildfire dragonglass shrapnel is something with potential we've got the meta on.
>>
>>4741031
>I have a dagger of Valryian Steel and would like for you to rework it into a spear's head.
Or anything else which isn't the hammer of the spear isn't picked, from what I understand this metals whole benefit is being less heavy and good for blades. We also do not have much of it so a spearhead is one of the only things we could make which wouldn't need Weeb metal folding autism. Hammers are also boring.
>>
>>4741269
Unless you plan to put it on a rack until the white walkers arrive a spear will be useless, unless you plan to be fighting levies instead of knights.
>>
>>4741269
Im kinda leaning towards a parrying dagger myself, the problem with a spear is the shaft. Besides, swords are cooler than spears.
>>
>>4741081
If this quest dies because of autism would you be willing to take over? I think we might have scared off Trick.
>>
>>4741276
Spear is better than a hammer in any case.
>>
>>4741042
Supporting
>>
>>4741284
haven't you played fire emblem???? sword beats hammer, hammer beats spear, spear beats sword
>>
>>4741293
Or you can just use a bunch of bows and ignore the whole thing.
>>
>>4741232
i dunno, are you being an asshole on accident or did your dad stab you in the ass with a popsicle

>>4741198
ok i didnt think about that, but what if he fucks us over?
>>
>>4741354
Just give Sandor some chicken. He likes chicken.
>>
>>4741198
>>4741354
I hope this is a joke. You aren't seriously considering giving one of the most prestigious heirlooms a house can have to a bodyguard who doesn't even like us, right?
>>
>>4741299
I'm not changing the dagger. Making it into a spearhead is just asking the shaft to break, and turning it into the spike of a Warhammer will just fuck with structural integrity of said hammer. Will not support any weapon changing autism.
>>
>>4741360
or wooden toy soldiers. He has a soft spot for them.
>>4741370
easy there, the dagger was an unnamed thing we won by betting
>>
>>4741371
Don't know why you directed that at me but okay.
>>
>>4741281
I already fucked it up once man, would you really want me to continue?
>>
>>4741379
I believe in you! Besides it really looks like Trick ran away.
>>
>>4741381
It's only been three fuckin' hours lmao. What are you used to??
>>
>>4741354
I accept your concession.

>>4741371
Parrying dagger!
>>
4741381
4741281
come on, the QM said no schedule >>4739934 so fak you the quest is on page one and it started on saturday
>>
>>4741370
i was saying it could be risky as fuck

>>4741388
nigga at least be funny. now srsly, do you really think we'd get to the point where we can fend off assasins strictly sent after the fucking king? really??
>>
My GF who's been gone for three weeks came back today, so, uhhh, probably no updates for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately I'm not a big enough loser to take the crown of most popular quest and will always be second banana to WhatisaQM . . . curse my active romantic life!!!!!
>>
>>4741409
What do we say to the god of autism?

Oh fuck he's actually really strong nevermind you're screwed.
>>
>>4741412
Yay you're still alive.
>>
>>4741412
The curse can take even the form of the female. See ya later.
>>
>>4741412
poor guy, he has to fuck. have fun trick, don't flake you fuck
>>
>>4741412
Sorry Fate retards, the Joffrey QM gets the girl
>>
>>4737912
>Saw frozen Pussy, fucked so hard he jizzed his soul out.
Or did he just Let It Go?
>>
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>>4741412
>my active romantic life!!!!!
Get a load of this normalfag.
>>
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>>4741482
>>
>>4741378
Didn't mean to post to you anon, I forgot to delete your post before I posted.
>>
>>4741502
I'm going to cry because you're bullying me. Is this your fetish? Crying anons?
>>
>>4741412
>muh gee eff
larp
>>
>>4741412
lmao, look at this loser having sex
>>
Make one of these fuckers. One of the most deadly knives in existence. Keep it on us at all times and learn to use a war hammer separately. If we get a larger valerian steel blade later we can reforge it into an ultra light ults strong war hammer. If for some reason we get attacked casually (say assassins) or we lose out main weapon in the middle of combat or we have a brawl of some kind we’ll have this fucker to shank them with.
>>
>>4741675
How do you make the closest thing to a melee war crime look like a sex toy? What a waste.
>>
>>4741675
Actually it's probably really impractical since you won't be able to get under armour. Maybe reforge it into another, deadlier, shape though?

Something like a ghurka knife maybe?
>>
>>4741675
Anons keep mentioning assassins.

Do anons know that there are only like seven people who would send an assassin after joffrey? Even less if we play nice. And that each of them are all probably our strongest potential allies/tools? Like the whole reason we got poisoned in canon was we weren't being a useful enough idiot while also being a total jerkface. Nothing else ever came close to killing Joff off. We're gonna have to change a lot of things before we need to worry about assassination.
>>
>>4741691
Like our haircut. God, we need a new haircut.
>>
>>4741675
>ultra light ults strong war hammer.

I don't think you understand how that works
>>
how have you autistic faggots made this many posts without me even being here the whole day?
>>
>>4741718
We are busying ourselves until you return.
>>
>>4741718
it's better than sex
>>
>>4741718
This is my cope.
>>
>>4741718
Hey whoa hold up there pardner. I totally thought you were here in disguise.
>>
>>4741723
Lad, how have you made 96 posts in a thread this new. In awe of the sheer autism.
>>
>>4741731
by shitposting about policy that is impossible to accomplish, mostly.
>>
Aight, I'm gonna have to re-vote (because I can't update anytime soon regardless and would prefer this to be less chaotic)
So

Regarding the dagger

>leave the dagger as is
>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
>smelt it down and transform it into a spear head


AND Regarding Gendry

>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y/N)
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
i don't really care about it. we can't fight. we shouldn't fight. fuck the dagger.

>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y/N)
N
>>
>>4741740
>>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike

>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice?
Yes
>>
>>4741740
>leave the dagger as is
>Y
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
>Y
>>
Eventually Monsieur QM will have the proper and easy method of collating and tallying votes down pat. But today he's a hot mess.

Yet the future is always a day away, no?
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
>Y
>>
>>4741740
>>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
>>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y/N)
Y
>>
>>4741740
>>leave the dagger as is
>>smelt it down and transform it into a spear head

Whichever one has a lead over warhammer.

N
>>
>>4741740
>>leave the dagger as is
>>smelt it down and transform it into a spear head
Whichever one has a lead over warhammer.

Y

I'm a newfag not a samefag, promise!
>>
>>4741740
>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y
>leave the dagger as is
>>
>>4741740
>>smelt it down and transform it into a warhammer's spike
>>NO to Gendry. Yes to getting him fired however...
>>
>>4741740
>>leave the dagger as is
>>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y/N)
Yep.
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it into a spear head
>speak to gendry
>>
>>4741740
The o lything I would want reworked from the dagger is it having a full vs handguard sowe can parry magical weapons and trap most mundane swords without having any issues with structural integrity or our hand being targeted.

>leave the dagger as is
I like it to remain a dagger so we can have it on our person all the fucking time in case of shadow demons.
>>
>>4741740
leave the dagger as it is and don't talk to Gendry
>>
>>4737460
dang that's some good art
>>
>>4741740
>leave the dagger as is
>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? (Y/N)

>>4741916
I only want to change the dagger so we can't be framed for using it to murder any cripples or something...
>>
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>>4741740
Fit the dagger with a bayonet lug, since we have uptime knowledge we should aim to invent the firearm.
>>
>>4742009
nah, that's boring

fuck 'lol lets invent guns!!!'
>>
Now that I think about it, if our gambit to keep the throne goes South, I wonder if we could convince Stannis to let us be the heir of Casterly Rock since obviously we're not supposed to inherit the throne. It might tick off Tyrion, and damage our reputation (quite a bit) at first, but since we're (ostensibly) gonna do our best to be actually competentent, it might not be a bad plan B. By that point the goal would be to ingratiate ourselves with Tywin to prove we're worthy of getting the Rock (and since he already doesn't want Tyrion to inherit some of the work it already done).
>>
>>4742018
Stannis will never let us live. Mance Rayder surrendered because he recognised he had lost, that didn't stop Stannis from burning him on a stake (nevermind Melisandre using a gem to save him). He burns his own Hand-turned-traitor Alester Florent to get some favorable winds on the trip up North. Joffrey is illegitimate as well as born of incest, if we are defeated or we surrender, Stannis is 100% burning us on a stake to get bullshit powers from R'hllor. There's no peace with him.
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it down and transform it into a spear head
>Ask to Speak with Tobho Mott's apprentice? Y

on the topic of metagaming. we are the crown prince with some form of superior complex backed by our coddling mom Cersei and our (not so/used to be) rich grandfather Tywin,correct?
we can do royal decree to buy valyrian steel by the ounce/grams from anybody (grave robbers,measters with VS links,some dude with scraps sitting in their hovel) using the Royal Purse treasury. We can then smelt all of it into drill bits and bullet tips.
>>
>>4742030
Valyrian steel for bullets is probably prohibitively expensive. Better to use dragonglass for that if we want to prepare for the white walkers.
>>
>>4742030
>>4742009
I think you gun guys have a wild misunderstanding about how 'easy' it is to make guns.
>>
>>4742030
Have you read the books? Tywin, who has far more money at his disposal than us, has never been able to convince anyone to sell him Valyrian steel, no matter how much money he offers. The gold mines running out is also a show thing, and QM is running strictly by the books, so Tywin's still rich. Lastly, before coming to this world, the MC has never even touched a gun in his life, nor had any experience or interest in crafting things, so like this anon said >>4742043 making a gun is going to be extremely difficult, probably impossible.
>>
>>4742043
No, I know exactly how hard it is to just "invent" a gun. But we know that they work and at least have a basic understanding of how they're supposed to work. The idea is that if we commit to making them a reality we don't rely on ourselves (as unskilled as we are) tinkering away. We get an array of the best smiths and tinkerers we can find and explain to them what our idea is and give them what (little) knowledge this particular self insert has. The fact that there is a specific end goal helps a lot.
>>
>wanting a gun
>when you could just crush their head like a fucking melon
>[laughs in mountain]
>>
>>4742043
it is not easy due to metalworking. but making a primitive cannon is a start. if not,good ol' Mysorean Rockets for Katyusha action. Can make giant grenades for trebuchets.
>>
>>4741742 N
>>4741744 Y
>>4741746 Y
>>4741761 Y
>>4741763 Y
>>4741815 N

Warhammer's spike

>>4741745 Y
>>4741766 N
>>4741788 Y
>>4741795 Y
>>4741876 Y
>>4741916 ??
>>4741967 N
>>4741983 ??

Leave dagger as is

>>4741899 Y
>>4742030 Y

Smelt into spearhead


>>4742009

HURF DURF JUST INVENT GUNS (seriously, this is the most retarded shit in every ASOIAF quest that takes places even relatively close to the eventual invasion of the Others, it would take literally 100 percent of your time and effort to get to even amateurish workability, would make for the most boring uneventful quest and would do relatively jack shit when the ice zombies show up)

I'll see if I can whip something up tomorrow, but I make no promises.
>>
>>4742101
I could see early field cannons being entirely possible since irl they had early field cannons at about this tech level
>>
>>4742105

You're correct that there's no reason cannons shouldn't already exist in Westeros by now but that's like one of the absolute smallest nitpicky details that is inconsistent about ASOIAF's world building
>>
>>4742116
it really doesn't bother me about the books, more intended as a figleaf to the guys determined to bring some kind of black powder weapons into the setting
>>
>>4742122
Rather just make a wildfire flamethrower man portable and not shitty boat warfare version. Fuckin' greek fire. I want the trees to speak wildling so we can torch em.
>>
>>4742116
No reason? Dragons breath fire last I checked.
>>
>>4742054
Hmm....so to summarized
MC only has wikipedia knowledge but no practical technical skills to make much of the good stuff.
I suppose that he should start taking up drawing to design industrial devices like a large water cooled pot still distillator. Or he can draw MLP artwork and Lisa Frank stuff.
>>
>>4742149
remember the mc is a quest Qm he probably has less lifeskills then joffery
>>
>>4742149
even if you own guns, how many of those people can make their own ammo? let alone how many are actual gunsmiths?

Most technical developments require highly specialized skills to implement and unless you have them to make a prototype that is workable and worth implementing and reproducing by others is the work of multiple years at the least and that is with relatively simple things like say the printing press, cement, gunpowder etc, if you already know the concept or components.

by the time we have the workable prototype shits already falling apart and going to hell in a handbasket.

the only reasonable path is to lean in into out position and take advantage of improving the performance of the heir and solidifying his position not chasing fancy shit we wont even have time to implement if we somehow manage to make a workable proof of concept artifact by investing most of our time and vision into.
>>
>>4742116
really depends on if the masestors figured out gun powder or something similiar whats really surprsing is no wild fire throwers siphons and pumps are easy af
>>
>>4741983
the fuck would we waste a VS dagger on that?

Priceless material that gives us a prayer at defending ourselves from magic should always be on our person, not wasted on some pointless hit that can be done with a sharpened wooden shank.
>>
>>4742304
>how many of those people can make their own ammo?
It's really not complicated, either. But that's not quite relevant here. Cause blackpowder weapons are way, way simpler and more forgiving with their tolerances than modern firearms. Frankly if you can make a cannon you can figure out muzzle loaders.

But that's super lame. You got all these fancy fictional things to play with so you say "nuh uh I want to play with thing I already have". Like bro you can't eat ONLY tendies every meal. Sometimes you need the mac n cheese.
>>
>>4741983
>I only want to change the dagger so we can't be framed for using it to murder any cripples or something...
Reminder that it was Joffrey himself who ordered the hit on Bran, so as long as we don't do that, we're golden. See >>4737808
>>
>>4741740
>smelt it down and transform it into a spear head
>>
>>4741740
Smelt it down into a filament string, put it into a bulb of Dragonglass, have Beric Dondarrion fart on some copper wiring connected to it and use it as a White Walker bug-zapper 9000
>>
Would greenseers (like the three eyed crow) realise that something is wrong in how Joff is behaving? Assuming the books follow the major plot points I feel like it's not that far a stretch to say the Brandon manipulated events in his favour. Could this spell trouble for us?

AlsI, having a few basic cannons around would be really useful and cool if possible. Imagine a bunch of canons vs a dragon.
>>
>>4742553
Something like this
>>
>>4742553
The three eyed crow isn't very proactive in doing anything other than sending Jojen and Myra to do shit for him and kidnapping shotas. To be honest we don't entirely know the full extent of what he is capable of doing or what his true motives are other than for "doing what's best for muh realm". Because GRRM is a hack and refuses to finish the books.

If the three eyed crow was more proactive and had some way to stop people he dosen't like, wouldn't he be doing something about the terrible people causing chaos in the first place like Baelish or Euron?
>>
>>4742306
>no wild fire throwers
Wasn't there one King who tried to build some type of wildfire throwers in another failed attempt to conquer Dorne?
Problem is wildfire is just that volatile its almost impossible to transport long distances or sit in daylight without it exploding on its own, when add in that it can burn on water and melt steel I'm not surprised they rarely ever bothered to try anything more sophisticated than slinging pots out of a catapult.
Probably easier to invent gunpowder and mix with copper sulfate to troll the alchemists when we show off our control over our bootleg wildfire.
>>
>>4742057
Hold my autism bro. Gunpowder weapons were not the revolution in warfare that many modern-into-medieval isekai protagonists believe they were. Neither were muskets.

Metallurgy, royal monopolization of manufacturing resources and the subsequent mass production and each their associated logistical triumphs, with the enlightenment tradesmen skill expansion and early non-electric machining that originated specifically from Europeon engineering and trade colleges engaging with the majority of the whole learned world, then combined with decently paid conscripts, are all together what made cannonry and gun elevate themselves above everything else. Then rifling happened and the rest is lovely bloody history.

The weapons are secondary to the large scale logistical accomplishments of war manufacturing, blast mining, labor division, and equipping that had only ever existed before for "easy" things like swords, crossbows, longbows, shitbows, etc. What made gun be strong was major European powers going for total war economies specifically with gun in mind, and subsequently riding deficits so high they make modern banking look reasonable. It was a change in thinking and scalar economic desires that enabled their superiority. And the fact that there was a blind belief that whoever did it best could win any war. Wasn't true, but that belief among leaders, generals, and regular people, royal and otherwise, mattered. And that belief wholesale weaponized entire resource chains and involved the majority of all existing skilled labor and competitively colonized the world. It was never simply the guns.

Like shit, Napoleon was just one dude. And yet; France. Unimaginable. What an economy. BONK. And there it goes. Still hasn't recovered.

If you want a small army outfitted with cheap muskets you first teach more people how to read and write to create a larger pool of potentially skilled laborers and then engineer every technological advancement in logistics, manufacturing, and mining that was made by every major European power between the 14th and 17th centuries. Then you can start having your army with guns whom you won't be able to entirely pay for because you only semi-modernized subsets of your economy and no medieval nation can be rich enough to truly survive a true total war economy for more than a couple years even if they win every battle they fight. Then, the following total economic resonance cascades with your more widespread education will be the catalysts for your cute little imouto industrial revolutions. Totally doable in a year. Yeeup.

OR we could use things we already have the material and knowledge for. Like wildfire. What could possibly go wrong?

Otherwise, the things that can truly benefit us will be machinations that don't require humongous investment and time for great returns, or turning things that we know are already in play to our ends. What are our ends again? Ah, whatever.
>>
>>4742803
this isn't autism, this is good stuff. maybe too big for this quest though
>>
>>4738826
cursed finish boat-man
>>
>>4742803
Thanks for having the verbiage and patience to go into all of that.
Hopefully the tards will learn something from it.
>>
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“I would like to speak with one of your apprentices, Master Mott,” you inform the smith. “A black-haired lad by the name of Gendry.”

Tobho's expression wavers, transforming into a restrained grimace in reaction to your strange request. “I was not aware any of my apprentices had business with the Crown Prince.”

You furrow your brow, curious. “Has the lad had business with anyone else of note recently?”

The Qohorik armorer shakes his head. “No, Your Grace,” he answers coolly, without a trace of his former obsequious friendliness. “Gendry has been nothing but an able assistant and an avid learner of the trade – strong for his age and works hard. The boy shows promise.”

If Tobho Mott is telling you the truth, then that would mean neither Jon Arryn nor Stannis Baratheon have yet to visit the smith's shop to speak with him. That's something they're definitely going to attempt to do between now and Jon Arryn's death in a fortnight, which means Tobho Mott will more than likely mention your arrival and interest in speaking with Gendry to the two council members and high lords when they swing by for their investigation into your parentage.

“Take me to him,” you order politely and Master Mott has no choice but to acquiesce to your demands.

He leads you out a rear door and across a narrow yard, back to a cavernous stone barn where the hard work is done. Opening the door to the forge for you, the blast of hot air that comes through makes you feel as though you were walking into a dragon’s mouth.

Your bodyguard scowls and takes several steps back from the structure's entrance, unwilling to subject himself to such intense heat and flame. You enter alone at your own peril, temporarily abandoned by your only form of protection besides the sword sheathed at your waist and the valyrian steel dagger on your person.

Inside, a forge blazes in each corner, and the air stinks of smoke and sulfur. Journeymen armorers glance up from their hammers and tongs just long enough to wipe the sweat from their brows, while bare-chested apprentice boys work the bellows.

Master Mott calls over a tall teenager a couple years older than you, his arms and chest corded with muscle like a maiden's fantasy, the shadow of a new beard darkening his jaw.

“Prince Joffrey Baratheon, heir to the Iron Throne, wishes to speak with you on his nameday,” Tobho sternly informs Gendry as the adolescent looks at you through sullen blue eyes, pushing back with his fingers a shaggy unkempt mass of thick, inky black and sweat-soaked hair. He bows after noticing a harsh look from his master.

"Happy nameday, your Grace," Gendry firmly greets you. "How can I serve you?"

>I'm putting together a team.
>I want you to come work for me as my own personal smith.
>Leave King's Landing NOW! And don't ever return, or I'll have you executed.
>Give Gendry the Valyrian steel dagger.
>Give Gendry the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion
>Other (write-in)
>>
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>>4742978
>I'm putting together a team.
>>
>>4742978
>I'm putting together a team.
>>
Maesters hold back technology in Westeros, which is why there are no cannons.
>>
>>4742978
>I'm putting together a team
Fuck it let's have fun.
>>
>>4743026
Maesters poisoned the Dragons, and no one will convince me otherwise.
>>
>>4743033
The only good thing they ever did. Fuck V*lyrians. All peadophiles, like the British Royals.
>>
>>4743036
Should we get FAegon to sit on the throne as a middle finger to Danyfags? I can't stand those delusional coomers who literally saw with their own eyes how awful her choices were as a ruler, but did mental gymnastics because she had dragons.
>>
>>4742978
>I'm putting together a team.
>>
>>4743046
>FAegon Sue
No. Even worse than Dany. Ruins the books singlehandedly.
>>
>>4743046
Or you could, like, actually kill her. Send two scorpions instead of one. That'll do the trick.
>>
>>4742978
>I'm putting together a team.

>>4743059
yes
danyfights to the pyre
>>
>>4742978
>>I want you to come work for me as my own personal smith.
>>4743046
>Giving away our kingship to a lowborn bastard to own the people who don't want to bang an airheaded child or duplicitous harlot
Our children will have silver hair, emerald eyes, and dragons to secure their power. If we can get Dany before she falls too deep into her own delusions of grandeur, we don't have to worry about her wanting to rule at all.
>>
>>4743073
Westeros will enter their age of Nationalism and Romantacism in a few generations, once the Maester meance is dealt with. We don't want to pass on Valyrians subhuman features, it will make the Andals mad and get our heirs lynched. Gold > Silver
>>
>>4743073
>kidnapping Dany and breeding with her
Interesting... I'd be down to dick her down before she becomes a salvageable wench. I doubt QM would make it easy though, and Varys and the Blackfyres will constantly be sending Assassins and people in the way to interrupt that from happening. If we can't secure Dany we are killing her and destroying the eggs before they hatch.l
>>
>>4743083
unsalvageble* This is what happens when I type while half asleep.
>>
>>4743082
Gold may be better than silver but iron will smash through them both. Quickly, to the Greyjoy moboat!

Oh wait, those guys are losers. Huh. Guess it's back to the drawing board.
>>
>>4743082
According to some theories the Andals and the first men are descended from the same central essosi peoples who inhabited the silver sea. We can have Andal supremacism without alienating the first men if we include them in our founding myth.
>>
This looks like an interesting premise but it seems like this is already a shitshow
>>
>>4743102
Come up with an interesting vote and I will change mine, there were others bitching about not getting Robert's bastards together as a team before but they all seemed to have ran away.
>>
>>4743102
Nothing's even happened yet.
>>
>>4742978
>>Other (write-in)
This is stupid
>>
>>4743113
The 900+ posts have been quite a read....
>>
>>4743102
Sure, the surrounding autism is a shitshow but would you really say i'm squandering the premise's potential right now?
>>
Writing!
>>
>herp derp lets pal around with a bastard that looks like our dad what can go wrong
>>
>>4743151
Don't worry we'll get the smarter one too.
>>
>>4743146
w-wait, the >team option won? すごい。。。
>>
>>4743151
I think it's retarded too, but
>Ned's sons look like Cat, not him
>Robin Arryn is black haired, not blonde
>Hoster Tully had brown hair, but Cat, Edmure and Lysa all have red hair
The hair colour plot is utterly retarded, by the same logic that's 3 more Great Lords who are also cuckolds. And, yes, it's entirely down to the magic hair genes that Eddard figures out Joff isn't Robert's (IRL, Robert would have the recessive alleles for light hair and could 100% pass it on to his kids) and nothing else (w/ help from Littlefinger). Also, in the show the lady Shireen doesn't have black hair. I'm pretty sure the average person in Westeros, even the lords, don't believe the incest shit.
>>
>>4743207
>Robin Arryn is black haired, not blonde
You're right but Robert Baelish is a very bad example
>>
>>4743207
Still, it does bring a royal bastard too close to the wrong people for comfort
>>
>>4743207
Isn't it also the eye colour in the books?
Correct me if I'm wrong here.
>>
>>4743207
Yeah, This quest isn't finished because of the Robert's bastard thing. Like I said before people in Westeros are delusional and make up excuses for situations all of the time, even without having to explain things clearly or having evidence. Just look at FAegon, people did all sorts of mental gymnastics for him because they WANT a Targ on the throne. Opinions of others in Westeros change like the wind. Anons are just being over dramatic as usual.
>>
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You smirk at the lowborn bastard. “I'm putting together a team,” you inform him.

He frowns at you suspiciously. “A team of smiths, your Grace?”

You shrug your shoulders, not entirely sure of your ultimate plans for this nascent idea formulating in your head – almost as good as your original idea to write a fan fiction quest about reincarnating as Joffrey Baratheon. “Mayhaps,” you answer his question noncommittally. “It could be a team of warriors or knights as well. I haven't quite decided entirely on what the full scope of its goals and membership criteria will be, but what I do know is that I want you to be an integral part of it. A key member of this posse, this entourage, this group.”

Gendry looks very confused by what you're telling him. “Why me? . . . your Grace,” he tacks on your royal address, having forgotten himself momentarily by your strange statements. “Not even a properly trained smith yet, I am. Do I have to go somewhere for this or can I keep working here under Master Mott's tutelage?”

Why him?

>Because we share the same royal father. You're the King's bastard, Gendry. And as half-brothers we should bond.
>Because you're strong, skilled and fresh. You know what they say about old dogs being unable to learn new tricks.
>Because despite what you may think, you have a destiny of great import.

Can he stay here?

>No, you have to come to the Red Keep
>Yes, you can stay here
>No, you'll have to leave King's Landing for your own safety

Anything else you've decided about this fucking team?

>It's going to be a group of warriors and knights skilled in battle. We're training together.
>I need twenty good men. And you're the first of that score.
>The group will be composed of seven members like the Kingsguard, each one representing one of the Seven. You're the Smith, Gendry.
>It's going to be an organization called Bobby's Bastards. And every member will be a bastard of King Robert Baratheon.
>I want some friends, that's all. We're of a similar age and I believe there's much I could learn from you and others if we hung out together and maybe trained. I'm sparring with the Knight of Flowers soon, want to come join?
>Other (write-in) You assholes might want to think about adding some input because I have no fucking clue where you actually want to go with this thing.
>>
>>4743219
Truly? I've felt it would be the opposite. If the bastards are ours to keep that prevents other people from using them. After all, if nobody else wants to use them then I'd fine with the majority just voting to kill them off if their liability is believed to be too great. Things like exile or suppression (by our orders) to me feel they'd backfire worst, because it places them far outside our influence. Gendry is about to be discovered, so we should do either/or, was my original tiny leaf of logic.

Other than that if B tries to use them while they're close to us it will blow up in his face, because we know more than he does at this juncture. Once V sees us collecting them his paranoia will go into overcharge, and he'll try to protect them FROM us, funnily enough. Using our available assets and peers to prolong the slapfight between these two players until B reaches his greatest usefulness and can be safely expended is very important for the health of the realm. And our personal health. Var Checks 4/5ths of Bae's schemes but Tyrell+Bae will >Var to simplify. Welp that's my opinion. There are other missing pieces too.
>>
>>4743256
>Because despite what you may think, you have a destiny of great import.
>No, you have to come to the Red Keep
>The group will be composed of seven members like the Kingsguard, each one representing one of the Seven. You're the Smith, Gendry.
There, that should appease the people who are being over dramatic about muh Robert's bastards. We should be recruiting same aged frens who are strong and will be loyal to us.
>>
>>4743256
>>4743274
+1
>>
>>4743256
>Write-In: "We are going to dance our way to the Iron Throne, Gendry. You, me, and five others."
>>
>>4743274
+1
>>
>>4743256
>Other (write-in) You assholes might want to think about adding some input because I have no fucking clue where you actually want to go with this thing.

We're removing pieces from the game in a way that increases our overall strategic advantage. With a good compliment of risk; they're all bait and traps for anybody trying to use them against us, and they're genuinely good fighters too.
It's like pokemon, but with royalty.

>>4743277
Also +1
>>
>>4743286
>>4743276
wait are you changing your vote or voting for both?
>>
>>4743291
Forgot your tripcode Trick.
>>
>>4743291
They didn't feel too mutually exclusive.
But if they are I'll stick with the first one instead. Sry bout that.
>>
>>4743274
support
>>
>>4743297
your loss pal. remember this shit when the white walkers come breakdancing

>>4743274
support
>>
We really should have just had the kid make us a new spear tip and that’s should have been the end of it. If anything bringing him the keep will just have Robert send Gendry away.
>>
Writing!
>>
>>4743318
I don't think Robert even knows of Gendry's existence anon. He's be too drunk or deep into pussy to even notice us half the time.
>>
>>4743318
Robert is also unaware that "the seed is strong."

If he stared at Gendry long enough he might think "hey that kid looks a lot like my younger brother Renly" but if Robert had done that with any of his actual children, he would have realized they weren't his at some point.
>>
>>4743318
Canonically the few people who know don't want to use the info except for plot contrivances in killing off others. He also never cared about his real/unreal kids anyways. Lmao.

He's basically a non-character plot rock unless we choose to do something with him.
>>
>>4743256
>Because you're strong, skilled and fresh. You know what they say about old dogs being unable to learn new tricks.
>The group will be composed of seven members like the Kingsguard, each one representing one of the Seven. You're the Smith, Gendry.
Bobby's bastard can be done later.
>>
I'm getting a bad feeling about this..
>>
>>4743400
same, desu
>>
>>4743400
Yeah, it seems that Anon has forgotten that while he has been isekai'd, he lacks the powers or otherworldly gadgets that give other isekai protagonists an edge. Or maybe we have some re zero savepoint shit that we haven't discovered yet. I doubt it though.
>>
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“No,” you answer the latter of Gendry's questions in the negative. “You'll have to come with me to the Red Keep. We possess a forge and a blacksmith at the castle from which you can finish your apprenticeship. In fact, now that I think deeper on it – I believe I want this team to be composed of seven people, like the Kingsguard, only . . . each member will represent a different aspect of the Seven. You shall embody the Smith, Gendry.”

The blue-eyed bastard makes meaningful eye contact with you for several silent seconds . . . before shaking his head. “No, Your Grace,” he tells you stubbornly, clearly not trusting the veracity of your spiel. “You have the wrong apprentice. I'm sure there's somebody more skilled than me you can find.”

Tobho Mott looks horrified by Gendry's refusal. “You can't deny the Crown Prince. A hundred pardons, Your Grace. He's a smart boy, but stubborn. The others here call him bullheaded Gendry. Crude as new steel and like new steel would profit from some beating. But he makes a good point. He is far from my most skilled apprentice.”

You hold up a hand to quiet the master armorer. “You are the right apprentice, Gendry,” you correct the older lad. “Because despite what you may think, you have a destiny of great import. Come with me and together we'll forge it.”

Despite his sullen reluctance to believe the hogwash you're selling him, the square-jawed chad does assess your vague, ominous, nearly spiritual explanation and the conviction etched onto your soft, boyish features as genuinely delivered if still completely ridiculous. And you are the heir to the Iron Throne – arguably the second most prestigious figure in all of Westeros behind your father the King.

He stands there in further silence, unsure of how to respond to your insane certainty. But ultimately, there's really only one answer he could possibly give. “Fine, Your Grace. Give me a few minutes to pack my things?”

You nod. “Go ahead.”

Gendry turns away from you with another halfheartedly delivered bow and picks up the soot-stained crumpled ball of fabric he wears for a shirt to cover her bare, rippling, apron-clad chest.

Leaving you alone with Tobho Mott, the master armorer turns to face you with an expression of deep concern on his old, fretful face. “Your Grace, I want no trouble.”

You smirk at the foreigner. “You know who he is, don't you?”

“I am only an armorer, Your Grace,” he says, looking into your eyes, stubborn as old iron. “I only know what I'm told. The boy is – was – my apprentice. Who he was before he came to me and what happens to him after, that's none of my concern. Though I humbly vouch for his stalwart nature and beg for his fair treatment in your employ. ”
>>
Parting words for the master smith?

>Threaten Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit or you'll burn down his shop
>Pay Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit with the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion
>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry
>Tell Tobho Mott to give your regards to Jon Arryn and Stannis Baratheon when and if they arrive in the future
>Tell Tobho Mott that if the man who paid for Gendry's apprenticeship fee (Varys the Spider) ever comes by to ask what happened, give him the Crown Prince's regards
>Say nothing more
>Other (write-in)

Since Gendry is hopping into your carriage, what do you want to say to him as you travel to your next destination?
>Stay eerily silent
>Ask him about his parents
>Warn him to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around
>Show him your Valyrian Steel knife
>Show him your sword
>Apologize to Sandor for taking him so close to fire
>Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor
>Other (write-in)

Speaking of destinations, where are you going next?
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
>The Tower of the Hand. Speak with Jon Arryn. Gendry in tow? (Y/N)
>Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4743443
Tobho
>>Pay Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit with the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion
>>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry
Gendry
>>Warn him to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around
>>Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor
Destination
>>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
Don't wanna flake on him.
>>
>>4743443
>Promise you’ll take good care of Gendry
>Other
Ask him what his goal in life is. If he gives a sycophantic answer, ask him what his goal in life was before meeting us.
>Other
See Gendry get settled in to wherever the hell he is going to be shacking up in. If that’s taken care of for us
>Red Keep Courtyard
>>
>>4743448
support
>>
>>4743443
>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry

Can we give him some sort of letter to allow him to contact us if anyone comes snooping? Both to reassure him, and keep tabs on what others are doing? Perhaps we can send some work his way as well, as a thanks for keeping quite. A nice contract would be a good pay off.

>>4743443
>>Apologize to Sandor for taking him so close to fire
>>Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor

>>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras

You lads have had your jaunt with smiths, lets keep to our word and train with Loras, perhaps the Hound and Gendry can accompany us?
>>
>>4743443
>Tell Tobho Mott to give your regards to Jon Arryn and Stannis Baratheon when and if they arrive in the future
>Warn him to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around
>Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.
>>
>>4743443
>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry
>Show him your Valyrian Steel knife
>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras

Come on!!!! Let's not leave Loras waiting. Promises are of utmost importance!
>>
>>4743443
>>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry
>>Tell Tobho Mott to give your regards to Jon Arryn and Stannis Baratheon when and if they arrive in the future

>>Warn him to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around
>>Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor

>>Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.
>>
>>4743443
>Tell Tobho Mott that if the man who paid for Gendry's apprenticeship fee (Varys the Spider) ever comes by to ask what happened, give him the Crown Prince's regards

i don't mind the other choices but giving the spider a healthy scare is always fitting
>>
>>4743448
>>4743443
Support.
>>
>>4743448
>>4743451
>>4743477
Pay Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit with the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion

>>4743448
>>4743450
>>4743451
>>4743452
>>4743457
>>4743469
>>4743477
Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry

>>4743453
>>4743469
Tell Tobho Mott to give your regards to Jon Arryn and Stannis Baratheon when and if they arrive in the future

>>4743476
Tell Tobho Mott that if the man who paid for Gendry's apprenticeship fee (Varys the Spider) ever comes by to ask what happened, give him the Crown Prince's regards

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>>4743448
>>4743451
>>4743453
>>4743469
>>4743477

Warn Gendry to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around

>>4743448
>>4743451
>>4743452
>>4743469
>>4743477

Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor

>>4743452
Apologize to Sandor for taking him so close to fire

>>4743457
Show Gendry your Valyrian steel knife

////////////////////////////
>>4743448
>>4743450
>>4743451
>>4743452
>>4743457
>>4743477
Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras

>>4743453
>>4743469
Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.
>>
>>4743443
>Pay Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit with the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion
>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry

>Warn him to keep his head down when Cersei, Jon Arryn or Stannis are around
>Show him your Valyrian Steel knife''
>Introduce Gendry to your bodyguard Sandor

>Red Keep Courtyard. Practice your swordsmanship with Ser Loras
>Grand Maester Pycelle's Chambers. Talk to him about a certain book.

Might as well get the book out of the way.
>>
guys our reputation is pretty shit, if we dont keep this guy quiet in some way he'll spill the beans to ensure his boy is safe
>>
>>4743557
We're taking him to the Red Keep, there's nothing we can do to keep our association secret. Vissy is going to know about this by the time our sparring session has finished.
>>
>>4743557
For example,

>>4743443
>Pay Tobho Mott to keep quiet about your visit with the purse of gold dragons you won off Tyrion
>Promise Tobho Mott you'll take good care of Gendry
>Tell Tobho Mott that if the man who paid for Gendry's apprenticeship fee (Varys the Spider) ever comes by to ask what happened, give him the Crown Prince's regards

These options are mostly flavor and character building. The Spider has always had someone tailing the crown princes' carriage.
>>
>>4743564
Varys won't make a move until FAegon and Dany are ready. There were plenty of times prior that Varys could have exposed the Lannisters but he waited until FAegon could swing a sword and Dany had her dragons. No one is desperate for Targ rulers yet like the start of Winds of Winter, especially with Tywin breathing.
>>
>>4743577
Exactly!
>>
>>4743486
Show Gendry your Valyrian steel knife

So Gendry this is my Vlayrian steel knife. It's small and sleek but you are a strong blacksmith so you can help me get it big.
>>
>>4743607
Elswyer might be a fag but lets not get weird
>>
>>4743607
Don't forget to sneak a blush in there. For effect.
>>
>>4743618
How the fuck do you make a dagger blush?
>>
>>4743638
are you fucking with me right now
because it's working
>>
>>4743618
wait daggers blush
?
>>
>>4743642
Fine don't answer the question. Ass.
>>
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>>4743647
>>4743648
>>
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>>4743656
>>
Prince Rhaegar Targaryen once tried to make his hero team and ended up giving King Bobby the worse depression (this resulted in his whoring,drinking and eating),The Starks losing somebody dear to difficult childbirth and loads of people dying.
>>
>>4743804
And Hitler loved dogs and liked sugar. Doesn't matter
>>
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“I promise I'll take good care of Gendry, Master Mott,” you assure the armorer, bidding him goodbye.

“Thank you, Your Grace,” he says in parting, bowing to you once more as you take leave of his forge and meet back up with your loyal hound Sandor.

Clegane and yourself return to your carriage, patiently waiting for the bastard boy's arrival with what will likely be a small assortment of personal effects. You tell your valet in the mean time that you'll be heading back to the Red Keep once your new companion emerges.

And emerge he does, clearly having washed himself rapidly to look halfway decent, now garbed in a different, cleaner, but still simple outfit. His accouterments are bundled together in a cloth sack under one of his beefy biceps as he makes his approach.

Your driver takes his things from him, the practice clearly an alien one to the lowborn commoner, who only relinquishes his possessions when you give him your assurances he'll get them back soon.

Sandor, Gendry and yourself get back in the wagon and back out onto the road, this time descending Visenya's Hill on the other side of the Street of Steel before making a right onto the Kingsroad towards the castle you call home.

“Gendry,” you address the burly boy, grabbing his attention from wherever his mind wandered in the short span of silence that persisted while the horses began pulling your wheelhouse, looking about the extravagant interior of your vehicle. “Allow me to introduce you to my sworn shield who has protected me for many years, Sandor of House Clegane.”

Doing his best not to make direct eye contact with the burned visage of your bodyguard, even the strong, stubborn bull gulps in hesitant fear of the disfigured giant. “Greetings, ser,” he stumbles directly into the no-no word, causing you to wince.

“Fuck your ser,” Sandor spits back in the blacksmith's face, unnerving him even more. “I'm a guard dog, not a knight.”

You lean over to Gendry. “You can call him Sandor.”

“But he's nobility, ain't he?” the apprentice asks, confused. “Shouldn't I say m'lord or somethin'?”

You shrug. “I don't think he'll mind. Speaking of nobility, there are a few highborn folk I believe it would be in your best interest to avoid at the Red Keep: My mother the Queen, the Hand of the King and the Master of Ships, Lord Jon Arryn of the Vale and Lord Stannis Baratheon of Dragonstone respectively. So keep your head down when they're around”

Gendry nods. “Stay outta the way of the Queen and the Small Council, got it.”

You narrow your eyes for several seconds, thinking about what he just said before nodding in agreement with his summary. “That's a better way to put it, actually. Just keep out of sight and mind around any members of the Small Council – Master of Coin, Master of Whisperers, Master of Laws – all the masters. Maybe stay away from my father The King as well, but I honestly doubt he'll pay you much attention.”
>>
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“Why would the others pay me much attention? I'm just a lowborn smith's apprentice.”

“I paid attention to you,” you counter. “And I'm the crown prince. As I said before, you've a destiny of great import, Gendry. And it behooves us to forge in secret.”

“I've shooed horses before,” he responds, misunderstanding your advanced vocabulary.

The Red Keep is a magnificent castle made of pale red stone atop Aegon's Hill – named after the Targaryen Conqueror who united the continent of Westeros into the Seven Kingdoms – overlooking the mouth of the Blackwater Rush.

Massive curtain walls surround the fortress, with nests and crenelations for archers. Thick stone parapets four feet high protect the outer edge of the ramparts. Great bronze gates and portcullises with narrow postern doors nearby provide the only obvious entrances inside. The Red Keep has seven massive drum-towers crowned with iron ramparts, great corner forts and the immense barbican has a cobbled square in front of it. The premises are constantly patrolled by goldcloaks and several of them guarding the gatehouse meet your carriage with a healthy, professional level of suspicion to ensure you truly are the Crown Prince and his retinue before allowing you access to the interior.

Once behind the walls you spy small inner yards, granaries, kennels, stables, vaulted halls, covered bridges, dungeons and a building you presume to be the barracks for King's Landing's City Watch.

The trotting horses pulling your carriage come to a gradual halt and you step out of the box along with your companions, finding yourself in the outer ward near the main gate where the training yard happens to be.
>>
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Scanning your immediate area, you quickly spot the familiar face and figure of Ser Loras Tyrelll approaching your position, a grin on his beautiful countenance.

“Good afternoon, Your Grace,” he calls out as he closes the distance. “Ready to spar?”

The Knight of Flowers suddenly stops cold in his tracks, liquid gold eyes transfixed upon the black-haired boy standing at your side, receiving his stuff back from your personal carriage driver.

He stares at Gendry for several seconds, stupefied. “W-who is he?” the Tyrell teenager asks about your new companion, his eyes roaming up and down Gendry's broad physique.

You look back and forth between Loras and Gendry before the light bulb inside your head turns on.

OH SHIT! Gendry is a dead ringer for Renly Baratheon. And Loras Tyrell squired for Renly Baratheon before the two of them eventually . . . huh, this is an interesting encounter.

Gendry bows to Loras. “The name's Gendry, ser. My master made the armor you wore in the joust. 'Gratulations on your victory, m'lord.”

“Oh!” Loras remarks, a blush forming on his cheeks. “Yes, Master Tobho Mott. Please, extend my regards to him when you have the chance, Gendry. I couldn't have triumphed today without his exquisite work.”

Gendry gives Loras an earnest, humble grin. “I will.”

Loras turns to face you again. “Is Gendry a servant of yours, Your Grace? Will he be joining our sparring session as well?”

Gendry spars as well?

>Yes
>No

Answer his question about your relationship with Gendry.

>Gendry is a friend
>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*
>Yes, Gendry is my servant
>Gendry is going to be the newest smith's apprentice at the Red Keep.
>Other (write-in)

Is there anything you wish to accomplish beyond sword fighting during this spar?

>Flirt with Loras
>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
>Ask Loras about your uncle Renly
>Nah, just fight. Don't make it gay.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4743829
>Gendry spars as well?
>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*

>Answer his question about your relationship with Gendry.
>>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*

>Is there anything you wish to accomplish beyond sword fighting during this spar?
>>>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*
>>
>>4743829
>Gendry spars as well?
Ask him if he wants to
>>Answer his question about your relationship with Gendry.
>Gendry is a friend
>>Is there anything you wish to accomplish beyond sword fighting during this spar?
>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
I prefer Sansa but it's good to keep your options open
>>4743834
fuck you faggot
>>
>>4743838
+1
>>
>>4743829
Keikakudōri. However... bruh.

>Yes
Potential check. I guess ask him if he's able to spar after a day of smithing, too.

>Yes, Gendry is my servant.
Friend seems to make him a bit more special. And servants are less likely to get poached than "friends." Don't make offers without getting anything in return. Especially to degenerate knights!

>Nah, just fight. Don't make it gay.
>>
>>4743829
>>Yes

>>Gendry is a friend

>>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
>>
>>4743829
>Gendry spars as well?
>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*

>Answer his question about your relationship with Gendry.
>>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows

>FLIRT. Ask to "pray" with him after

I want to see if this makes Elswyer embrace his inner gay.
>>
>>4743838
>>4743829
Support
>>
Come on, lets not make it weird
>>
>>4743851
Why not knigga. It's an isekay. You can do whatever you want. You can literally make the previous OP a fag and you want to make small talk about shit you already know instead?
>>
>>4743838
We wed Margery, Sansa should wed Tommen, then we would have both The Reach and The North supporting us. Myrcella should marry Trystane to secure Dorne. We'd be unstoppable with this marriage plan.
>>
>>4743848
I keep forgetting that Elswyer is the MC. Should we be roleplaying the big gay?? Hard to judge, yet don't wanna be prime gay.
>>
>>4743858
Cause I'm not interested in it.
>>
>>4743862
I just ignore the fags, this is the only interesting asoiaf quest in a long time. I didn't even know Elswyer had anything to do with this quest, and he was just peeping because he did a asoiaf quest before.
>>
>>4743860
Not a bad idea.
>>
>>4743862
what your heart tells you, anon. come on, help us make Elswyer's dreams come true, let's leave the naysayers behind
>>
>>4743866
The other thread is pretty comical, give it a read.
>>
>>4743860
>Margery
grr

>>4743870
>The Bigg Gay
GRRM

all these choices suck. i want joff to be the chaddest.
>>
>>4743866

every ASOIAF quest I've ever run has been about somebody from the real world who runs/plays quests being transported to Westeros.

It's tradition.
>>
>>4743872
Obviously we must FUCK all of the surviving greyjoys.
>>
>>4743876
+10
>>
>>4743876
Better make sure none survive then
>>
>>4743878
+20
>>
>>4743872
You all do you, but I'm going to keep pushing him to gay sword fight until the previous OP gets to read that scene. After that, I'm fine with whatever faggy wish fulfillment waifu you all want.
>>
>>4743876
starting with theon. meaning we need training, and who better than loras to teach
>>
>>4743870
I hate dreams. Dreams end.
>>
>>4743876
+100
>>
>>4743829
>No
>Gendry is going to be the newest smith's apprentice at the Red Keep.
>Ask Loras about your uncle Renly
>heavily hint he's into cock
>>
>>4743829
>>Yes
>>Gendry is a friend
>>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
Renly is a lost cause, asking about Margaery might open doors though, they might think Joffrey is interested in an alliance between the two families
>>
I am in fact 100% heterosexual. A perfect 0 on the Kinsey scale. (The knowledge of the scale, however, bumps me up to a 1 unfortunately, but I'm willing to admit that.)
>>
>>4737100
My god you actually went and did it you mad bastard. You made an isekai light.
>>
>>4743912
You will fuck Balon.
>>
>>4743912
here i stand with anon >>4743919 you WILL get dick
>>
>>4743924
we will fuck everything and one. from wun wun to lady
>>
>>4743926
>implying we're hot enough for wun wun
What silliness.
>>
>>4743860
Dorne will stab us in the back, Myrcella or no Myrcella. If they have her, she'll just be used as a pawn against us. Arianne tries to crown her as Queen in the books. Dorne didn't move a finger to help the Lannisters despite the betrothal between Myrcella and Trystane. So under no circumstances should we allow her to be shipped to Dorne for no benefit.

Her choices aren't good, but we have : Edmure to bind the Riverlands (age difference might be a hindrance) or a wildcard choice as Harry the Heir to get the Vale, in my crazy plan articulated here >>4739732
>>
>>4743912
>>4743950
You see this? Not only is concerned with his sexuality but he is also trying to get us back on the tracks from that autistic list with the Edmure plan. And you all want to talk about boring ass Margaery instead of railroading OP 1.0 into some dick
>>
>>4743950
Dorne and Faegon are going to be a pain in the ass. Myrcella with Harry the Heir could work, that will throw a ginormous wrench in whatever Baelish was planning in the books that Martin refuses to finish. I'm not sure about Edmure... especially since Tommen marrying Sansa would secure not only the North, but the Riverlands if we play our cards right.
>>
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>>4743912
>>4743950
Okay. Mayhaps I can forgive myself of my hetero desires for granting you the little dicking you so require.
>>
>>4743966
good boy

>>4743950
what happened with the plan to contact melissandre? i thought that was a good one
>>
>>4743971
It's probably better to let her kill Renly before we try to contact her. Otherwise Stannis can't defeat Renly in fair battle. Who knows, maybe we don't have to fight Renly at all. In the books his first reaction is not to declare himself king, but call on Ned to seize the royal children and rule until Joffrey comes of age.
>>
>>4743829
>Yes

>Gendry is a friend

>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
>>
>>4743829
Spar?
>No. Why would a lowborn spar >:(

Question about relationship
>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*
Leave him at a loss for words. The best outcome here is that we don't have to give answers.

Sparring will accomplish
>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
What else... Man, fuck I don't know!!!
>>
>>4743989
Yeah, Renly was very smart for a Baratheon. Ned and muh honour however...
>>
>>4743950
That's right fuck dorne
>>
>>4743843
+1
>>
>>4743950
man, I hate Lord Arthritis brittlebones the third
>>
>>4743829
Gendry
>>Gendry is a friend
>>Gendry is going to be the newest smith's apprentice at the Red Keep.
Loras
>>Nah, just fight. Don't make it gay.
>>
>>4744051
>Yes
For Gendry sparring.
>>
>>4743829
>No
Why would a common man join us sparring

>Gendry is going to be the newest smith's apprentice at the Red Keep.

>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery

We’re not a sword-swallower - let’s stay away from the gay shit
>>
>>4743989
good point there. we should go with >>4739732 for now then, we have to keep that in mind.

>>4743928
soon
>>
>>4743829
>No
>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*
>Other (write-in)
Ask lora's about his cripple older brother.

Building a system of superior goods transport out of the reach could help prevent famine in the coming winter.
>>
>>4743811
Just saying it so we wouldn't go tard like Rhaegar did with his chuuni-ness
>>
>>4743829
>Gendry spars as well? N
>Answer his question about your relationship with Gendry.
>Yes, Gendry is my servant.
>Other (write-in)
"He will be my arms servant and he will be making me armours fit for me. Fit for a prince!"
>Is there anything you wish to accomplish beyond sword fighting during this spar?
>Other (write-in)
Struggle as we are that bad in armed combat. Start screaming that we are the prince and be bad at fighting. Remember to throw a tantrum and sulk as this is how Joffrey would react to losing.
"I...I will tell my uncle to bugger you!" start crying and running off to a corner to fake cry.

Pretend to have no idea as Loras do a nervous laugh due to their closer than brotherhood bonds.
>>
finally understand our MC. we need to check on everything and all the industries Kingslanding has to take account of the actual costs of bread and wine and steel. also see to sewage problems in the city.
>>
>>4743829
>Yes
>Yes, Gendry is my servant
>Ask Loras about his younger sister Margaery
>Nah, just fight. Don't make it gay
>>
>>4743829
>just fight, don't make it gay

even if there's homo, joffrey is what, 12? That's too creepy for me

and we need to bang our 'sister' mya stone
>>
>>4744396
It is a good thing we are not in Lys then.
>>
>>4743834
>>4743848
>>4743908
>>4743997
>>4744211

Make it Gay

>>4744051
>>4744158
>>4744387
>>4744396
>>4743838
>>4743840
>>4743849

Don't make it Gay

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

>>4743838
>>4743840
>>4743843
>>4743843
>>4743845
>>4743849
>>4743910
>>4743994
>>4744061
>>4744387

Gendry spars if he wishes

>>4743908
>>4743997
>>4744158
>>4744211
>>4744343

Gendry doesn't spar

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

>>4743838
>>4743840
>>4743845
>>4743849
>>4743910
>>4743994
>>4744051

Gendry is a friend

>>4743843
>>4744343
>>4744387

Gendry is my servant

>>4743908
>>4744051
>>4744158

Gendry is going to be the newest smith at the Red Keep

///////////////////////////////////////////////

>>4743838
>>4743840
>>4743845
>>4743849
>>4743910
>>4743994
>>4743997
>>4744158
>>4744387

Ask Loras about his sister

>>4743908

Ask Loras about your uncle Renly

>>4743843

Just Fight
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15qF4zHL0zk
>>
>>4744598
wtf is this Trick?
>>
>>4744598
Well duh, its because that old fart refuses to finish the books and only left a very, very vague and rough outline to two dudes who were tired of making an incomplete story into a tv show that appealed to normies and reactfags.

Not to mention lots of shit from the books were skipped like Harry rhe Heir and FAegon making the TV show a fanfiction at that point. I don't blame cuck and cucker for wanting to move onto S0l wars, I blame the Martin for being a hack.
>>
>>4744598
Ironically I only got into it because of Eddard Stark. then he died, and the only characters I cared about was Jon, Mountain, and Midget man.
>>
>>4744615
Why not blame them all? They didn't have to half ass it and make the whole thing shit.

>>4744654
>caring about the Mountain

kek
>>
>>4744660
Sorry I meant the Hound
>>
>>4744660
>>4744662

I get those two confused alot
>>
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>>4744654
Sean Bean as Eddard was fantastic, Mark Addy's Bobby and Charles Dance's Tywin was absolute kino. Season 1 as a whole saved the franchise until react fags shat on it.
>>
>>4744668
Fucking agree with you there. When Marks scene came up, I literally shit my shorts laughing. Had to buy a new couch.
>>
Reminder: multiple sources on record have confirmed that King Brandon the Broken is canon in the books.
>>
>>4744615
Can't blame it just on GRRM here. You could easily have made a believable ending without the fatso being involved. What they put out showcases tremendous incompetence on their part.
>>
>>4744680
I know, that doesn't mean that the T.V show wasn't fanfiction though. Its not about how it ends, its about the haphazard and character destroying journey it took to get the King Bran.

Imagine keeping Cersei alive on the throne, with no FAegon swooping in to take it, only to do nothing with her but make her a medieval hot topic ethot pretending to be deeper than what she really is. "Hurr, just one good shot at the Dragon. We have auto-aim like not!Euron"
>>
>>4744615
I actually agree a lot with what you're saying.

People HATE D&D now and look to GRRM for salvation, praying for him to finish the series before he dies so they can have a "good" ending.

But the truth is . . . he's the motherfucker responsible for the terrible show ending.

If he had actually kicked his ass into gear after dropping A Dance with Dragons around the time the 1st season aired and proved itself a banger series, maybe D&D would have had two more books they could have adapted from.

Would that ensure the last two season were better than what we got? nah. But the evidence we do have makes me think its would have at least been a possibility.

Remember aspiring authors: finish your fucking story BEFORE you sign on the dotted line for the oodles upon oodles of cash and fame and fortune.
>>
>>4744687
Yeah random youtubers came up with better endings to the show (and particularly the Battle for Winterfell in episode 3 of s8) than a room of well-paid writers.
>>
Brandon becoming king is fine I think. People were predicting it well before the show was finished:

https://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php?/topic/125401-the-winged-wolf-a-bran-stark-re-read-project-part-ii-asos-adwd/&page=3&tab=comments#comment-6823505

Problem is just that the show did a shit job of it.
>>
>>4744696
>>4744745
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sggmx8vysoc
>>
>>4744693
will Velo make a cameo in this quest?
>>
>>4744888
He really should
>>
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“He can if he's up for it,” you reply to the latter of the knight's queries, casting a glance towards Gendry. “He's spent much of today working the forge and may be exhausted, though. Would you like to spar, Gendry?”

The smith looks between the two of you incredulously. “I can't hit noble folk with a sword, certainly not the prince.”

You wave away his concerns. “Nonsense, Gendry.” You look to Loras. “He's more of a friend than a servant, ser.”

The Knight of Flowers crosses his arms in front of his chest, before asking the burly commoner, “Have you had any formal training with a master-at-arms, Gendry?”

He shakes his head.

“Have you ever held a sword before you weren't hammering on an anvil?”

Again, the muscular teen shakes his head. “Been in a scrap before though, I have. With my fists, ser.”

Ser Loras smirks. “Then I think I have a solution to put you at ease. You and His Grace shall spar against me two on one. That way you won't risk harming a single blonde hair on the crown prince's head.”

“What about you, ser?”

The tourney champion chuckles. “Don't worry, you won't be able to hit me, either.”

The somewhat taunting boast elicits a stubborn look of determination on the blue-eyed boy's chiseled features, incensed by the haughty sense of superiority oozing out of a similarly aged teenager's mouth. “Alright, let's spar,” Gendry relents, fully intent on making the knight eat his own words.

You and your bastard half-brother grab a couple of blunt training swords and hop over the wooden fence that pens in and lines the perimeter of the sparring arena. Loras gracefully enters wielding similarly nonlethal weaponry and Sandor Clegane watches from the sidelines, a malevolent smile on his face, clearly ready to enjoy the rare sight of you having your ass handed to you.

And the Hound is not disappointed by what unfolds. For all of Gendry's inherent brawn and power, he has no training on how to wield a proper sword whatsoever, every single strong blow proving trivially easy for the expert tourney knight to parry or dodge. Loras outskills your lowborn friend so easily, he has more than enough breath to give the dead ringer for his boyfriend advice and tips on how to fight while in the middle of trouncing him.

You, on the other hand, attempt to use your inexperienced, unskilled ally who rushes in to take wild, inaccurate swings at the Knight of Flowers, as a distraction for your own carefully timed strikes, darting in to slash at the pretty boy brunette's blind side. The very first time you try it you manage to get an actual hit in on one of the most skilled combatants on the continent, but after that Ser Loras is prepared for your underhanded tactic and similarly disarms, parries or dodges your strikes before repaying your initial hit a hundred fold.
>>
File: Margaery Tyrell.png (1.21 MB, 1024x1024)
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All in all, as you spar, what you realize is that you've not only inherited Joffrey Baratheon's physical form . . . but also his muscle memory as well. While the kid was clearly never more than an amateurish duelist at best, he was classically trained by a Westerosi master-at-arms and it shows throughout the mock combat as you instinctively change your grip on the hilt of the training sword as appropriate to any given situation purely by instinct, slashing and stabbing with a semi-experienced sense of how to do it that you're more than sure you lacked in your previous life as an aspiring lawyer, writing fanfiction on the internet and reading fantasy novels.

You wonder to yourself what other skills Joffrey might actually have that you'll suddenly discover as you do them.

“I'm curious about your younger sister, Ser Loras,” you make small talk between heaving breaths during a lull in the action, sweat pouring down your forehead.

Loras regards you with a curious glance as you inquire about his sole female sibling. “It's best not to think of women in the midst of a fight, lest you get distracted, Your Grace. Mayhaps that is why you've had such trouble making contact,” he suggests, grinning.

“Should I be thinking of men instead?” you bite back subtly enough that when the Knight of Flowers recoils, he can't be sure about the extent of your implications. You segue back on topic. “Her name is Margaery, yes?”

Loras nods. “Yes, Your Grace. My sister is sweet and gentle, but robust. She's been riding horses since she could walk and is generous with the smallfolk at Highgarden. She is a popular beauty and quite pious. Does that sate your curiosity?”

“My curiosity? Yes. It doesn't sate much else, however.”

“This sounds a topic of conversation more appropriately discussed by our fathers than by us, Your Grace. Wouldn't you agree?”

>Yes, well urge your father to send your sweet, lovely sister to court
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>As Crown Prince, I am entitled to discuss prospective alliances between House Baratheon and Tyrell
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4745153
>>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
We'll be coy about our interests. Tywin probably wants to secure to Reach too, we could speak to him about that later on so he can set up arrangements.
>>
>>4745153
>Other (write-in)
sUcK mah DICK
>>
>>4745153
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>>
>>4745153
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>>
>>4745164
Support

Perhaps our family will be impressed by our actions here, smoothing over any butthurt about not going to Casterly Rock.
>>
>>4745153
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>>
>>4743054
>>4745036
>>
>>4745153
>Offer to suck his dick to seal the alliance
>>
>>4745219
>>4743883
This is me. I made a pact to give OP 1.0 the gay scene he secretly craves and by the old gods and the new I am sticking by it.
>>
>>4745153
>>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>>
>>4745153
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
>>
>>4745226
I admire your conviction, even if I disagree with your goal.
>>
>>4745164
>>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital

im all for getting elsweyr to suck a dick, but that time is yet to come
>>
>>4745278
this,it has to be less pusshy and more fluid
>>
>>4745290
Dany might get THREE dragons.
>>
>>4745300
Can she get a beheading instead?
>>
>>4745303

What about a bedding of her maidenhead?
>>
>>4745304
What I'm saying is ever seen a horse piss? Now imagine three dragon's cumming. Like lizard whales+. That's like the most fluid, bro. Dany can watch and Elsweyr can finally be happy.
>>
I for one hope end game is Dany going on a crusade in Essos before attempting to reclaim the Iron Throne. Big huge battles and all that good stuff. Plus, it allows enough time for Joffers to actually turn into an adult beforehand.

Of course, the world isn't limited to Westeros and Essos for that matter, maybe midgame?
>>
>>4745309
We don't support Danyfags in this quest anon, if she's going to be anything she could be a side chick or the female we breed with for Targ heirs to control her dragons. You don't want that crazy thot to control anything in the realm. She was delusional enough to believe she could control Meereen and got btfo'd so bad she had to go back to Westeros in Winds. Couldn't even do shit with three fully grown dragons.
>>
>>4745309
If we wanna use Dany for anything we'd have to zone in on our 8 legged V for some prime conversations. What do you picture our midgame being? There's a lot of relative stuff to go through, or skip over, before Dany can reasonably be on our radar.
>>
>>4745313
>>4745315

I'm talking about fighting against her
>>
>>4745309
If we want to make a play to kidnap Dany, we should do it now. We know from our meta-knowledge that she will be at Illyrio's manse for a few months before getting married to Khal Drogo.
>>
>>4745316
Varys will do his best to protect her since he's going to arrange marry her with FAegon. The best way to damage her power is to kill her dragons while they are eggs. We know that asoiaf can do bullshit like resurrecting the dead so offing her dragons makes her far less of a threat.
>>
>>4745316
Oh, oh I see.
Well roast-san we don't necessarily need to let it come to a fight.
We can be proactive and preemptive. But V will still be a concern in anything we do for/with/against Dany due to his current balancing act.
>>
I wonder just how bad would it be to shank arachnic V and then be like "WADDUP". Would we get thrown into a dungeon?
>>
>>4745324
We can kill him and baelish easily once we're crowned.
>>
>>4745324
Uh, we're one of his back up plans and he actually saves psychojoff multiple times. For his useful-tools balancing act bs ofc. We'd only need to be King to be rid of him, but the same goes for many other characters. Just consider the consequences.
>>
>>4745332
>>4745329
Shit guys... is it me or we have to discard house Baratheon, let Robert die and work from there?
I think we gotta get strength and allies now and see Robert's death as the start of the midgame. Or is that too early to call midgame?
>>
>>4745153
>Merely tell your sister that she has an admirer here at the capital
Can we give her a gift? A flower necklace or something to that extent.
>>
>>4745153
>As Crown Prince, I am entitled to discuss prospective alliances between House Baratheon and Tyrell. And aren't you old enough already to wedge in such matters?
Loras is one of the few that doesn't double our age atm, which means he is one of the few that can become truly loyal to us. We must make him take compromises instead of allowing him to tactfully deflect responsibility.
>>
>>4745338
But anoooooon I don't wanna deal with boring margarine.
>>
>>4745335
I've been going with the premise that no matter what we do at least Robert is going to die, somehow, simply because there are enough people scheming behind the scenes in stupidly convoluted ways to make it happen at the right time for themselves. Like, damn. They all got outpaced by a fucking boaR.
>>
File: Cersei Lannister.png (2.59 MB, 1621x1080)
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“Merely tell your sister she has an admirer at court,” you tell the master swordsman.

He giggles softly. “I will relay your message, Your Grace. Now get up and let's try this again.”

By the end of the spar you are exhausted, sore all over and drenched in sweat. Gendry is in a similar situation, although he seems to possess a tad more stamina and a hardier constitution than yourself despite the larger frame he has to support. The Knight of Flowers has worked up a light sweat and kept true to his word that the blacksmith's apprentice would not be able to touch him once over your many, many bouts.

A nearby servant passing your training session hurries over as she notices you three, sweaty, highborn lads – at least that's what she assumes of Gendry, seeing him shirtless among the Prince of the Seven Kingdoms and the Knight of Flowers. She informs you that your name-day feast is soon and it would be in your best interest to bathe and get dressed in your finest.

You agree with her assessment and bid momentary goodbyes with Ser Loras, knowing full well you will see him soon enough for dinner in the Great Hall. You then tell this same servant you spoke with to guide your new friend Gendry to the armory where he'll be spending most of his time in his new position as one of the royal blacksmith's apprentices, as per the Crown Prince's command.

Following along behind Sandor Clegane as he escorts you towards the royal apartments where your bath is, you curse the Red Keep's serpentine steps which are strenuous to climb on sore, stiff, heavy legs that scream at your brain in agony with every step.

Maegor's Holdfast – named after King Maegor the Cruel – is a massive square fortress at the heart of the Red Keep: a castle-within-a-castle. It lies behind twelve feet thick walls and a surrounding dry moat lined with a bed of formidable iron spikes. A drawbridge spanning the moat is the only way in or out. Posted at the drawbridge's far end you see one of the Kingsguard – neither Ser Jaime nor Ser Barristan – who addresses your royal personage as you pass him by.

You are quickly led to your personal chambers where you discover a figure waiting for you there all alone.

Queen Cersei of House Lannister stands in the center of your bedroom, clad in a cloth-of-gold gown slashed in burgundy velvet, a necklace of diamonds and emeralds and a jeweled tiara similarly decorated with emeralds. She gives one meaningful look to Sandor and your personal guard dog takes the hint from his true master, stepping out of the room, closing the door behind him to leave you alone with your mother.

The blonde bombshell holds up her hands. “I won't attempt to sway you into reconsidering coming with me to Casterly Rock, but I think we should speak in private without your father around. Your sister says you've been behaving differently since the joust, Joffrey.”

Ayiyiyi
>>
>>4745409
She will notice we are not a sadistic piece of shit anymore.Godammit code red!
>>
>>4745409
Yes well mommy would notice we're not giving cringy smiles and psycho glares out like halloween fuckin' candy. "Oh where's your bitchy side that you inherited from me?" cunt belongs on the streets.
>>
>GET OUT OF MY ROOM, MOM!
>Yes mother, of course I'm behaving differently. I'm playing father like a godsdamned fiddle. Now allow me to enact my machinations in peace, woman.
>I . . . I just want Daddy to love me!!!!!! <3
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>You need to lay down the law now if you want to control this crazy woman at all. Tell Cersei you know who your real father is.
>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4745415
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
The latter is so that we can get the naked hot bath with Cersei scene that I know that you all want.
>>
>>4745415
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Jaime.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>>
>>4745415
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>>
>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
God I want to, but maybe not at this juncture.

>>4745415
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother.
We don't need to justify ourselves. See what dumb thing she says in response to an innocent neutral declaration and counter that. Because we know she's gonna say something dumb in failing to counter our "act like a man" act.
>>
>>4745415
>>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
please
>>
>>4745427
There is enough incestuous shit going on. No need to get even more incestuous.
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>Yes mother, of course I'm behaving differently. I'm playing father like a godsdamned fiddle. Now allow me to enact my machinations in peace.
>>
>>4745441
>>4745441
Yes .better.
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother
>>4745409
>>
>>4745415
>You need to lay down the law now if you want to control this crazy woman at all. Tell Cersei you know who your real father is.
>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
Tags: Mindbreak, drugs, incest, reverse r*pe, instant loss, public display
>>
>>4745409
>>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?

this because it would be exactly what elseweyr would say
>>
>>4745447
There's never enough
>>
>>4745453
. . . if only
>>
>>4745453
hnnnngggyess but I think all these things would have greater impact after Robert's dead. Along with saying shit like
"Possessiveness isn't love. Do you love our brother, Mother?"
God if only we had some starving dogs on hand, too.
>>
>>4745457
is it cool if we vote for two things in this updat? most are
>>
>>4745415
>>You need to lay down the law now if you want to control this crazy woman at all. Tell Cersei you know who your real father is.
>>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
>>
>>4745453
Fuck off back to your hole of degeneracy on /d/ or some other site that caters to that.
>>
>>4745415
>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Jaime.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>>
>>4745472
dude, slow down. It's just a way to convey what will happen to cersei if his son starts saying stuff out of nowhere
>>
>>4745461
yeah, its just usually only one thing "wins"
>>
>>4745415
>Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.
>>
>>4745415
>>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
>>
>>4745472
Agreed
>>
>>4745472
>>4745522
homos
>>
>>4745427 (Loras)
>>4745434 (Jaime)
>>4745436 (Loras)
>>4745441 (No mention of knights)
>>4745448 (No mention of knights)
>>4745454 (Loras)
>>4745473 (Jaime)
>>4745519 (Loras)
I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.

>>4745427
>>4745434
>>4745454
>>4745473

I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?

>>4745453
Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.

>>4745444
>>4745453
>>4745469
>>4745514

Just start reciting the Valonqar prophecy to freak the ever loving shit out of her.

>>4745469
You need to lay down the law now if you want to control this crazy woman at all. Tell Cersei you know who your real father is.
>>
>>4745538
um can I change to Jaime from Loras? I realize it would be a tie but still, didn't realize that was an option
>>
>>4745415
>Yes mother, of course I'm behaving differently. I'm playing father like a godsdamned fiddle. Now allow me to enact my machinations in peace, woman.

>GET OUT OF MY ROOM, MOM!
Make to add a bunch of autistic screeching.

When she won't leave.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?

>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Loras.
something to talk about when shes cleaning our Wang.

Mentioning the Prophecy is kind of tempting, but if we aren't going to tell her what we know about our real dad we may as well not mention it just yet.

>>4745453
>>4745472
I have an app for dat.
>>
>>4745538
>>4745549
I will break the tie then, change mine from Loras to Jamie.
>>
I would totally vote for the bath scene if this Joffrey wasn't 12 but 3-4 years older like in my quest
>>
>>4745549
Maybe, what some people do is just invalidate your previous post by linking it in your new post and have your updated vote in the same post.
>>
>>4745538
>>4745549
If the no fun allowed perfectionists are gonna block the prophecy then I'd rather mention Jaime instead of going to the safest, blandest option of the umpteenth time
>>
>>4745554
>Elsweyr surprising isn't into /ss/
Huh, learn something new everyday.
>>
>>4745554
But we want her to think us a bit queer while bathing us for maximum confusion. Our confused confusion boner with be more confusing.
>>
>>4745554
Keep talkin' bout "if in MY quest" an I'm gettin' ur arse a bad dragon toy that roars.
>>
>>4745560
its gonna happen either way. its the Valonfag prophecy
>>
>>4745559
>You popped a boner
>yeah I was thinking about ser loras
>Wha
>He looks kinda girly huh? Very soft features.
>er
>I have soft features too.
>...
>Do I look like a man to you mommy?
>[screaming internally]
>>
>>4745560
You think too much about that bad dragon toy, anon. Do you have something to admit?
>>
>>4745568
hes just a soldier to the cause, Elsweyr. nothin faggy bout that lol
>>
>>4745568
Bad pussy
>>
>>4745568
Dragon cum is just dragon lube from a can.
>>
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>>4745568
nothing but the best for my boy
>>
>>4745554
link your quest senpai, i wanna read
>>
>>4745568
man after the egypt canal got blocked my order got delayed indefinitely
>>
>>4745602
>>4735755
>>
>>4745609
>>4745568

whats this about kidnapping Dany and keeping her as a rape slave, Elsweyr, you realize she's 13 you sick fuck?
>>
>>4745614
I know it's a joke but nowhere in my post did I mention sex or having a relationship with her, just keeping her for an emergency, like burning her to hatch the dragons as a last defense against the white walkers. Also she's aged up along with everyone else, so she's 15-16.
>>
>>4745635

why is it more ok for your smoking hot mom to give you a bath at 16 rather than 12?
>>
>>4745637
something something europoor age of consent something something self-superior sense of morality
>>
>>4745637
Because 16 is legal in many countries and you have gone through puberty.
Still doesn't factor in that it's our MOM and that's fucking INCEST and maybe a 16 year old is even stretching it in legal terms in many countries.
But hey. Quest gonna quest.
>>
>>4745645
I'm an europoor and even in Europe this would be a big YIKES.
>>
>>4745647
Actually it's Joffrey's mom, not Elsweyr's, so it's ok.
>>
>>4745649
I just want to say I called it so fucking hard.
>>
Why do degen posters have to be so obnoxious tho? Obviously most people aren't on board with it and they just keep going.
>>
>>4745655
don't speak like that about our QM. They deserve RESPECT
>>
>>4745637
I don't know man, I didn't think that far ahead. Most of the time I fall asleep during the 'making the most epic plan™' stage.
>>
>>4745655
Hey, I did the bath option as a joke option with my real option above it.
Even if we did the bath option it would be fairly innocent or so I hope.
>>
>>4745662
Roll for whether or not Joffrey's balls have dropped yet. d100 50/50 split. Boner route soft-locked if below 50 sets default option to "wholesome family bathtime".
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>4745664
Why not? The results will be amusing either way.
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>4745664
who knew this would be the first roll for the quest
welp, here we go.
>>
>>4745655
i want elsweyr to get fucked by man /once/, then i'll be up to whatever moralfaggotry makes you guys feel safe and manly. he ditched his quest, its the least that should happen
>>
>>4745665
epic win
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>4745664
saving this thread
>>
>>4745665
>>4745668
Did you really just form the difference between my roll and 100 you son of a bitch.
>>
>>4745665
>So, am I bigger than Jaime?
Route unlocked.
>>
>>4745668
>Faggot rolls a microdick
No surprises there.
>>
>>4745676
roll 2d15s, the first is Jaime's the second is yours.
>>
>>4745677
Oh you're getting it now. Ju st you wait.
>>
>>4745676
>>4745677
But this is the puberty roll, not the dick size roll.
>>
Rolled 4, 8 = 12 (2d15)

>>4745678
Yeah I'm not getting a good feeling about this one.
>2 1s
>>
Rolled 15, 14 = 29 (2d15)

>>4745678
in cm?
>>
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>>4745684
>>
>>4745684
europoors pls go
>>
>>4745678
>>4745683
I'm going to go ahead and say this is in inches. Poor Jaime. Looks like Joffrey is Robert's son after all
>>
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>>4745684
>>
>>4745687
>assuming I am not from the eternal nation of Chile. baka
>>
>>4745689
I'm pretty sure the 2d15 is a self contained set. Ergo Jaime rocking the 15 and Joffrey takes after him with a solid 14.

Otherwise you open up the silliness route of a literal leg length penis.
>>
>>4745665
>>4745684
This merits casually undressing and bathing while maintaining unblinking eye contact with Cersei. Carry on the conversation as if nothing is wrong.
>>
>>4745683
Holy shit.
>>4745684
Even in cm that's a lot for a 12 year old.
>>
>>4745705
>Even in cm that's a lot for a 12 year old.
In cm that's a lot for most people. 29 cm is like 11 inches.
>>
>>4745415
>>I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother. Like those brave knights I saw on the field. Like Ser Jaime.
>>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>>
>>4745746
If I had intended cm I'd have done a 2d30, but ok.
>>
>>4745746
Ah I misread the dice.
So the 12cm is jaime.
The 29cm is us...
29... HOLY SHIT. WE HAVE A THIRD LEG.
Joffrey Threelegs Baratheon. Philosopher king of Westeros.
>>
>>4745752
I just took umbrage with her verbiage monsieur. His statement implied that it was large for a child, when it was in fact large for a human of any description. Naturally being that we are the MOST FREE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET we use inches, or optimally football fields as units of measurement. As it should be.

>>4745755
But we are using inches. The larger, chadlier unit.
>>
>>4745760
Man in inches it would straight up be a disability.
All the blood that has to go there. For a kid?!
Jezus fucking christ.
>>
>>4745768
As I hypothesized earlier, the 2d15 is the whole role. One of the 15s being for papa, and the other being for boi.

Or mayhaps it is I whomst is taken by the mist. And the dong is truly maximum. It is not for me to say. I am at the mercy of the rule of the mob. And the anon who actually called for that roll of course. Which is silly, because us anons can only shitpost, not call for rolls.

This spiel was brought to you by Ritalin TM
>>
man i've gotta update more frequently lest you faggots devolve into this.
>>
don't worry about cm or inches or etc, op; just give us a big fucking 12 y/o dick, a dick bigger than jaimeses
>>
>>4745793
You couldn't post fast enough even if you tried hombre.
>>
>>4745793
Its that bad pussy QM.
>>
>>4745783
I thought so first and that's probably gonna be that, but man the other way of interpreting the dice made me KEK.
>>
>>4745793
Man it's good that so many shitposts and other ideas pop up. This means that we actually are waiting on the update and that your quest is quite popular.
>>
>>4745793
Smh just think of how it's going to be when Margery and Sansa are in the Red Keep at the same time. At least half of those supporters each aren't even posting regularly and just lurking until they can pounce on those votes like rats on rotten sirloin.
>>
Look on the bright side, at least no one rolled for ball size. Which naturally would use result brackets slotted with comparative sizes i;e "high result is softball sized, average result is egg sized low result is cherry sized".

On a more serious not, I forget, which dominant hand does Joffrey have? Left handed duelists historically have a better track record IIRC.
>>
>>4745810
>rolling for ball size
You fool, not they are going to do it!
>>
>>4745810
duelists? we will carry a WARHAMMER to battle son
>>
>>4745814
A duel is just a fight with a couple of rules.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d5)

>>4745810
>>4745813
1-tiny
2-small
3-average
4-big
5-BIG!

Just for shit and giggles no hate.
>>
Maybe it's just splitting hairs or Loras being a good actor, but I was expecting Loras to be a little hostile to us given that Renly at this time is actively working to replace Cersei with Margaery as Robert's queen, meaning that he at least knows about the incest.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d30)

>>4745820
Nah that's too ez. Gotta do brackets. Like uh

Each multiple of five is a bigger size. With 1-5 being widdle tiny itty bitty sized and 26-30 being "go see a doctor that can't be healthy".

Gotta be as small as possible for the comically oversized dick look
>>
>>4745832
So big and almost get a maester here.
>>
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Even though I rolled for both the ball drop 50/50 chance and the rod lenght modifier, I feel only regret. This behavior is comparable to playing games made by fenoxo so I think it is time for us to stop and return to plotting, lest this thread hits bump limit.
>>
>>4745840
Fair enough.
So what's our plan?
We used to be a lawyer in our past life so maybe we ought to start reading laws in Westeros and when king try to improve the laws.
>>
>>4745840
>lest this thread hits bump limit.
Uh. It has.
>>
>>4745840
>lest this thread hits bump limit

. . . my sweet, Summer child
>>
>>4745840
K.

How will we go about beatubg the true threat? Will we be uniting the North (and how)? Saving as much grain as possible for the wasteland winter? Tricking Dany cuz that dame is fluff and dragons go fsssh? Raiding The Bank? Raising the wall with a biiiig lever and pushing it over?
>>
>>4745847
Did you say use a lever and the planet as a fulcrum to cause mass destruction on an unparalleled scale to inconvenience some frosty boys? I'm in.
>>
>>4745844
Start with reinstating all the laws protecting the smallfolk our grandpappy repealed for one. But that's for peacetime when we don't have a continent-wide civil war imminent, with the threat of dragons and ice zombies. This might be more popular with the nobles and doable earlier though >>4738645
>>
>>4745854
Alright so first we plunder the maesters for their biggest gear blueprints.
This will definitely be our perfect strategy.
>>
>>4745846
>>4745845
reply limit* sorry sorry. But imagine if we hit the limit discussing whether or not jeff's balls have the golden spiral.

Anyway, since there are five books worth of stuff for us to try and prevent from happening... it's hard to tackle... if we let events flow as they are, will the wall fall just how Mance Ryder promised? Remember that Stanni's sudden intrusion saved the wall, pretty much.

Oh man there are a lot of questions to ask. Do we let the war happen and work towards the best result possible for us or do we use all our resources and meta knowledge in preventing the war? Maybe sparing Ned is enough to prevent it all together...
>>
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>>4745862
Bran the builder's ice sculpture is going to become the worlds biggest hammer.
>>
>>4745862
Printing press to spread the knowledge of the maesters
Holy shit.
The printing press can even be made by people who are not us and the right mixture of ink can be made with enough time and money.
>>
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You sigh out. “I realized it was time to grow up and act like a man, mother,” you lie, hoping she buys that explanation for your sudden shift in personality – which you think should ultimately be a positive change for everybody involved, even her if you play your cards right.

Joffrey . . .,” Cersei calls your name in a patronizingly motherly tone of voice, stepping forward to engulf you in a hug, her heels clacking on the cobblestones of your bedroom floor. The sudden closeness as she wraps you in her arms makes you realize you're fairly tall for your age – being nearly the same height as your mother. You can feel her ample bosom squishing against your chest as she squeezes you and swallow a nervous gulp. The blonde queen runs her fingers gently through your hair in a soothing motion that feels really good after all the physical exertion you went through in the training yard. “It will be many years before you have to become the king I know you were meant to be. You still have time to be my beautiful, baby prince. And your father, as much as you may love him . . . is not the sort of man you should aspire to be.”

You pull away from the hug, literally ripping yourself free of her seductively poisonous mothering, determination plain on your features. “I don't mean father,” you inform her, doubling down on your lie. “I mean like those brave knights I saw out there on the field today. Like Uncle Jaime.”

Cersei recoils as you say that, surprised by your mention of him . . . before she begins to look confused. “Like your uncle?”

You shake your head emphatically. “Yes, riding valiant and true in his gleaming golden armor – a true lion of Lannister.”

Her eyes narrow as you can tell she sees through your lie and a surge of fury starts building on her Cersei's features. “Joffrey, do not lie to me.”

You blink, perplexed. “I-I'm not lying,” you lie. “I want to be like uncle Jaime.”

“If you wanted to be like your uncle Jaime,” Cersei quotes you, hands balling into shaking fists, “you wouldn't have bet against him in the lists at the joust. You bet on Ser Loras because that's what your father did. He was playing a jape on our side of the family and you went along with it to impress him. It's also why you insisted on staying with your father here in the capital rather than come to Casterly Rock with your uncle, siblings and I. Don't LIE TO ME JOFFREY,” she screams. “I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART!”

O-oh no. It looks like Cersei isn't buying your bullshit. Uhhh, new tactic?

>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
>I know who my real father is, mother. And I'm doing everything I can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against him in the jousts and not traveling with him and you like you're my parents.
>When in doubt, recite the Valonqar prophecy.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4745887
>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>>
>>4745887
>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
>>4745893
Too late for that now
>>
>>4745887
>Other (write-in)
>Loras is the better Jouster, Jaime is the better duelist. Father is a warrior. When the battlefields change you can't always bet on family, Mother.
>>
>>4745887
Nah mamacita we bet on Loras because he's a better rider and jouster. Jaime will always be a better warrior but Loras is super good at staying on top. Of horses. Horses.

>>4745897
Don't kill his hopes anon.
>>
>>4745887
>>I know who my real father is, mother. And I'm doing everything I can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against him in the jousts and not traveling with him and you like you're my parents.
Write-in:
>I'm happy it's not that drunken oaf who gives you insult in public with every wench he can find in his lap
>I want to see you happy. And if you find happiness with Jaime, then I am no one to deny you.

Probably not popular with the anons, but this was my original plan.
>>
>>4745887
>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
Forgot that Cersei was a crazy bitch in her worst hours. This isn't show Cersei where she actually gives a shit about her children. Book Cersei only loves her kids because they look like her and Jamie.
>>
>>4745887
>>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez
>>
>>4745897
Hey. You can never achieve anything if you don't try.
>>
>>4745887
>>Other (write-in)
"Mother I bet against Jaime to improve my relationship with my father the king. That does not mean I do not wish to be a better person but I must consider the political nature of myself. A good relationship with my father would be the best first step to royal reforms needed so that the lives of the small folk can be improved. The duty of a true knight is to help those less fortunate than themselves and I should aspire to embody that lifestyle. Jamie is a skilled warrior and a good man who I should be like but I need my fathers help more to build a brighter future for the kingdom I will inherit."
>>
>>4745887
>>4745887
>>I know who my real father is, mother. And I'm doing everything I can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against him in the jousts and not traveling with him and you like you're my parents.
>>
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>>4745887
>>I know who my real father is, mother. And I'm doing everything I can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against him in the jousts and not traveling with him and you like you're my parents.
Let's roll, fellas.
>>
>>4745921
Twenty bucks says she'll slap us and ask us if we hit our head or something if we say this. Radical.
>>
>>4745887
>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
>>
>>4745930
Our mother is batshit insane but if we make her think we have a clear goal then perhaps she will help us be a 'better' person.
>>
And here I wanted to be subtle. Wew!
>>
>>4745935
Yeah but

she's batshit insane
>>
>>4745902
sounds good man, but while Cersei is very smart, she is emotional. A logical reply won't cut it I am afraid
>>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez
fuck. I don't want a mild reply but we gotta placate her anger :(
>>
>>4745935
Yeah I think anons are confusing show Cersei and book Cersei. They are two totally different people with book Cersei being more clearly insane and narcissistic.
>>
>>4745921
anon she will blink twice and then proceed to slap.
>>
>>4745887
>>I know who my real father is, mother. And I'm doing everything I can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against him in the jousts and not traveling with him and you like you're my parents.
>>
>>4745806
Sansa belongs to the hound
>>
>>4745951
Nah I'm just into rough play and momdom so I'm tryina piss her off

This is a joke. I am trying to piss her off though. Get her huffy so she fucks off to get some wine.
>>
>>4745921
she will literally hit us for mocking her.Imagine a 12 years old saying that crap
>>
>>4745952
>>4745951
appeal to her pride in rulership and her perceived political ability. Make her think we are a plotter like her.
And yeah she will slap us but in time it will make her more useful.
>>
>>4745952
So what? It's literally nothing. Better than telling her we know we're born of incest.
>>4745954
cuck
>>
>>4745921

Elsweyr . . . is that you?
>>
I just have enough of her bullshit, bros. :(
>>
>>4745926
Adding
>I was about to take a bath . . . would you like to wash me, mommy?
To my vote. Wanna see how she takes the bombshell and then us being a horndog.
>>
>>4745965
I'm this >>4745904 which was understandably ignored.
>>
>>4745968
It's been like two minutes and you're already beat? Have some back bone anon! Stand up to your mother! Tell her she's not your real mom and kick her in the shin before you run off to get some iced cream. Get dragged into the cellar by her where she'll hit you with a switch until you cry. Grow older forever bitter thinking that your mother never truly loved you. Die an old man who distanced himself from everyone because he could never come to terms with him trauma.

Come on, gosh anon don't be a sissy.
>>
Voting to say our piece (whichever choice is picked) while undressing and going for the bath, maintaining perfect eye contact.
>>
>>4745965
no nigga its me an autistic.
>>
>>4745976
Ugh, damn it.
...+1.
>>
>>4740453
Your command is my wish.
>>
>>4745976
Fuck it, that works too.
>>
The "You caught me" Virgins
>>4745897
>>4745906
>>4745907
>>4745931
>>4745948

vs

The "I know who my real father is" Chads
>>4745904
>>4745922
>>4745926
>>4745934
>>4745953

vs

The "Let's take a bath mommy" degenerates
>>4745893
>>4745931
>>4745969
>>4745976
>>4745992
>>4746005

vs

The "BLAH BLAH BLAH" Autists
>>4745921
>>4745903
>>4745902

I'm combining the top 3 options into the next update because you motherfuckers keep tying
>>
>>4746010
Yo hol up you think I'm an autist? I'm a fucking turboautist you bastard. I'll sue you for defamation.
>>
>>4746010
>chad and degenerate
Which one takes precedent?
>>
>>4746010
Based.
>>
>>4746010
Mush writefag mush. If it speeds things up I will just change mine to "I know who my real father is" cause I'm addicted to your meme quest like cocaine.
>>
>>4746019
Well degen has the popular vote, but the senate has decided that they don't care. Take that as you will.
>>
>>4746010
schizo joffrey, let's go
>>
>>4746024
I'll change mine to degenerate then. So both options win
>>
>yeah you caught me mom, sucking up to my father.. who's not actually my father, so I must appease him! My real father is your brother Jaime who you are in an incestuous relationship with, and to emphasize the difference, I've brought Gendry into the keep, who does look my not!Father. I'll parade him around just in case there are any numbnuts at court who have not caught on to what's going on yet. Also, wanna help me bathe? just like when I was a child. I really miss those times, I wonder why we don't do that anymore.. hehe.
>>
>>4746047
Too late, the other bad pussy choice won.
>>
Lame
>>
>>4746029
Seems pretty chad to me.
>>
>>4746047
based
>>
>>4746010
No more updates for tonight Trick?
>>
>>4746099
His gf caught him writing incest smut and beat him.
>>
>>4746137
S'good foreplay. The memory loss is just a bonus.
>>
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>>4746137
>he doesn't know
>>
>>4745887
>>When in doubt, recite the Valonqar prophecy.

>>4745946
lol details

>>4745976
+2
>>
We should have choosen to say "Yes mother, of course I'm behaving differently. I'm playing father like a godsdamned fiddle. Now allow me to enact my machinations in peace, woman. " over Loras

>>4746010
>>4745887

>Okay! You caught me. I'm sucking up to dad, jeez.
>bathe time! Bathe me mommy, rub lotion all over me and my young supple body!
>>
>>4746186
Should've just shot her with a crossbow.
>>
>>4746193
In the bathroom? Blah. At least do it from a balcony when she's in a conversation we know is going to happen. That way it's dramatic and cool.
>>
>>4746219
No not in the bathroom dammit. We're more than three and a half feet tall.
>>
>>4746010
You know, I personally wouldn't have been degenerate like that, but I know Elsweyr totally would be, so I approve of good role playing. Let hope we keep the balance between being autistic and actually competent lads.

Quick question though, is this considered incest in Elsweyr's mind, if he's from a different body, soul, and reality? I'm genuinely curious.
>>
>>4746445
in a weird way its like the inverse of stepsibling incest.
>>
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>>4746447
>inverse of stepsibling incest
what kind of 4D chess...
>>
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>>4746447
My head hurts.
>>
>>4746447
>you caught me
>I know my father is Jaime
>I'm playing Robert like a fiddle
>Now let's make me a sibling
Well Trick, you may be a strange fellow. But you steam a good ham
>>
>>4746447
look motherfucker
>>
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>>4746447
>>
>>4746447
>my god, the madman is right
>we inadvertently created a new genre of porn.

>>4746468
Kek
>>
>>4745906
>This isn't show Cersei where she actually gives a shit about her children
Except she literally said she didn't care about them and never once thinks about them after directly causing Tommen's death.
>>
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>>4746447
>>
updating tomorrow, sorry about slow day today, very tired
>>
>>4746494
>What is becoming numb when all of your kids died and the maggy prophecy coming true and your incest boytoy fucked off to the north with the ugly knight girl you met like twice.
Remember, she wants to be like Tywin so she will say anything to cope with the prophecy coming true.
>>
>>4746502
I wonder how your girlfriend would react if she ever found the smut scenes you wrote lmao.
>>
>>4746512
shed get horny and then wonder what the fuck >>4746447 means

>>4746502
nite our fellow african american gentlemen
>>
>>4746520
Wouldn't be surprised if Trick is black or mulatto.
>>
>>4746508
>she wants to be like Tywin
Show Cersei is smarter than Tywin because D&D read her so surface level and wanted their yaass kween slay Lena Heady to stand and drink wine. Cersei is dumb as a post.
>>
>>4746527
Reactfags were the worse thing to ever happen to any TV show period. Fuck the Burlington Bar S0ls especially.
>>
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>>4746526
this is my headcannon
>>
>>4746526
he is literally the most generic white dude you will ever see
>>
>>4746570
hey Trick defend yourself
>>
Quick question lads. Dragon Stone has a bunch of dragon glass, yes? Could we somehow convince or manipulate Stannis into creating a stockpile of it for the future war against the Night King? Or is this just a crackpot fantasy?
>>
>>4746601
>Give me your dragon glass.
>What? Why?
>I'll pay you ya autistic fuck just give it.
>The hell is an autistic?
>>
>>4746601
Worth trying just to steal it all later anyways.
>>
So are we really going to make momma preggo?
>>
>>4746633
It really depends on Cersei. I'm genuinely interested in what her response would be, considering her proclivities relating to her brother and other members of her family. Remember, Jaime isn't the only one she'll bang.

If you're talking about our SI? Elsweyr is technically our character here, and he's not saying no.
>>
>>4746638
Interesting. What is the probability of getting a normal child now?
>>
>>4746638
I'm saying no for another 3-4 years. Joffrey's 12.

>>4746633
Hopefully not. That level of incest will definitely cause problems.
>>
>>4746644
In this setting, 12 isn't a big deal. 12 year old you might be thrilled to have a go at a queen. Or not, but others would.

>That level of incest will definitely cause problems

Wrong. It increases the likelihood of recessive traits being displayed by a lot, but you don't instantly start popping out mutants. The only obvious trait that might cone out of this is dwarfism. Knocking Cersei up with a dwarf is easily worth all this trouble on its own.
>>
>>4746640
>What is the probability of getting a normal child now?
Well Joffrey's single set of grandparents were first cousins, and his parents are siblings. So Cersei is his mother, aunt, and first cousin once removed (she's also this to both of her parents; and thereby also second cousin to her brothers) you do the math but King Tut is looking pretty likely.

Somewhat related but the safest bets for outcest, without recent incest in their own families, are Margaery, Arianne, Shireen, and Stone Dornish and Marcher houses. Sansa, Asha, Myrcella and Cersei (obviously) or Dany would all be inadvisable.
>>
>>4746653
>Knocking Cersei up with a dwarf is easily worth all this trouble on its own.
That's true.
>>
>>4746658
I see. So we go for Margaery for a normal child, and make ourself a dwarf sibling from our mother that we can give to Dwarf Uncle to take care of.
>>
>>4746659
>>4746662
>>4746653
I feel like Cersei popping out a blond dwarf would be enough for even Robert to make the connection.
>>
>>4746658
Why is Asha inadvisable? I don't remember Balon and Alannys being related other than marriage, and the wiki doesn't say anything either. Dany is also an exception because Targaryen incest doesn't work the same way as our world. Otherwise the present day Targs would all be 3-armed 2-headed abominations.
>>
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>>4746659
>Knocking Cersei up with a dwarf is easily worth all this trouble on its own.
OK YOU GOT ME!
LETS GO!
>>
>>4746667
>I don't remember Balon and Alannys being related other than marriage, and the wiki doesn't say anything either
It's been 8000 or 6000 years all the Iron Islanders have to be related somehow.

>Dany is also an exception because Targaryen incest doesn't work the same way as our world
It also comes with a coinflip so adding Joffrey's predisposition for insanity can't be a good idea.
>>
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>>4746665
>Bobby B thinks Tyrion knocked up Cersei
>>
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>>4746672
fucking kek
>>
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>>4746672
Lmao
>>
I'd be down for blackmailing book Cersei into being Joff's sex slave
>>
>>4746665
Who cares. Nothing a boar can't sort out
>>
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>>4746653
>The only obvious trait that might cone out of this is dwarfism. Knocking Cersei up with a dwarf is easily worth all this trouble on its own.

I hadn't even thought of this. I had no interest in trying to bang the bat. But this, the simple possibility of it fuels and unimaginable desire to bring the cursed funny.

Bravo anon.
>>
>>4746706
Maybe targareans are just superior
>>
>>4746671
Clearly we need to experiment to see if Joffrey's insanity is inheritable or if Anon taking over removed it. This will require multiple wives, so we need to think of a big enough accomplishment to warrant proclaiming ourselves the Conquerer Reborn. Taking the Stepstones should be a good start.
>>
>>4746718
>Clearly we need to experiment to see if Joffrey's insanity is inheritable or if Anon taking over removed it

Oh no no no. We made it much, much worse. But far more focused.
>>
>>4746720
>Hyperfocused autist dragonriding /fit/lit/ dynasty of precious metal-haired gem-eyed supermodels
Mark another point down for us Danyfags, the reasons keep on stacking up. Gotta make sure our bloodline has useful insanity and good looks.
>>
>>4746633
>La creatura lannister....
>>
>>4746723
>not trying to make your bloodline as big as the mountain and as smart as a bald eunuch
Pretty boy can't squat a literal horse even as it resists. What a joke.
>>
>>4746633
There are no breaks on this train, anon.
>>
>>4746723
Also as an aside, that whole honed autism thing is only because of us. Without us in the brain there's just crazy. So our kids are totally boned in the brain department.
>>
>>4746494
>show fanfiction
>>
remember how the show changed it so joffrey was responsible for killing the bastards instead of cersei?

let's just say there's no point covering show v book, since its clear this is book only canon.
>>
>>4746791
What you don't like half the cast to be brainless and dragged along by plot and the other half being also brainless but they do Things TM behind the scenes to make them seem smart?
>>
>>4746802
I just wanna know how Balish discovered the secrets of teleportation
>>
>>4746810
He folded the page, of course.
>>
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>>4746829
U cheeky fuck.
>>
The only thing we need to do is not kill Ned and not be a stupid spoiled cruel fuck.

Just figure out how to deal with a two magical pshycho bitches one that spawns shadowthings and one that spawns three dragons.
Oh for the first one we have a magic eager that we can use as offhand block and secondary to regular stuff, and the second, mass ballistae seem to do the trick.

And we win. Seriously that is it.

As for ice zombies fire seems to do well and wildfire is going to do the trick there. Kill the main animators with some snackbars or catapults.

So the challenge is for anon to be less stupid than OG Joff and simply wait a bit while getting buff and learning how to politics, war and economy.

Once we are king we can fuck all the bitches like daddy Bobby B, as long as we keep the ship of state relatively stable.
>>
>>4746879
You make it sound so easy anon.
>>
>>4746879
>So the challenge is for anon to be less stupid than OG Joff
Not scientifically possible.
>>
also Name Day feast. Elsweyr has gone from poor ponyfag to rich stonks royal.
Hope you ain't vegan,because with robert around it is gonna be meat,meat,meat! . wonder if Joffrey even eats much.
>>
All I wanted was a quest where we make Geoffrey into the Augustus of Westeros but better with a bunch of cool shit like reforming and modernising the system but you faggots had to ruin it with your weird sexual shit...
>>
>>4746954
Joffrey* (typo and auto-correct)
>>
>>4746954
>ruined
Anon we can still do that
>>
>>4746954
Your first mistake was believing that any quest from 4chan would be a 100% serious and not autism or meme free
>>
>>4746957
Yeah anon was being overdramatic like all of the other anons when we went to get Gendry and diverted from whatever made up narrative they had in their head. We really don't need to 5D chess a lot of things if we just keep Tyrion and Tywin alive and supportive of us, and get rid of Baelish and Varys.
>>
Does worshiping the red god allow for harems? How feasible would it be to adopt it if say there was a crisis with walking dead involved that might prompt a mass conversion under the right... guidance.
>>
>>4747138
If this is gonna be a coom quest i may as well go all in and model Joff after Muhammad and King Henry the VIII instead.
>>
Figuring out the endgame going just by the books has got to be a pain in the ass for QMs. What's Euron's plan? Who are the Others? Why are they attacking? How will they get past the Wall? How do you get them to stop? You have to invent all these details yourself and hope that they hold up well with the rest of the story. That's why I was prepared to do a little copout and have the Others follow the arc of the White Walkers from the show, even though there's no reason for that.
>>
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>>4747143
Yes I can already see it...

We're gonna turn the Nightking into our icey, little femboy, cumdump, locked in the dungeon of the Red Keep next to Danny. We drop fat loads in 'him' every morning and go ass to mouth between them and Danny whenever we please. We'll turn Cersei into a human toilet for them to use and when she gets too old we'll just feed her to once of the dragons that we keep locked in a pit or something.
>>
>>4747158
Euron - Getting Viserion via. Dragonbinder, summoning supernatural horrors from the ocean and causing further chaos in the realm during the second long night? He's an ass who is a Dark God wannabe.

Others - Mostly the same as the show, eternal long night, long winter in the south, etc. Night King if there is one probably a Stark who wants revenge on the living Starks for vague personal reasons. They get past the wall also using another horn, there might be an Ice Dragon sleeping in the wall or they might have one in the land of always winter? Best I could come up with anyway.
>>
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>>4747162
Dude you went from wanting a philosopher King Joffrey and detailing your autistic plan with central banks, schools and a standing army to wanting a harem with a femboy Night King and a human toilet Cersei. This quest truly deserves the 'mindbreak' tag. Corruption as well. Well done, TrickQM
>>
>>4747181
He's just mad that nobody cared about whatever plans he had to make Joff a knock-off Augustus when we literally have Augustus as our grandpa and a clever uncle who would 5D Autism chess for us.
>>
>>4746954
No shit, buncha faggots
>>
>>4747166
>ice dragon sleeping in the wall
what next, e*en is the night king and he starts the r*mble? sorry, sorry...

I think the nightwatch existing and the wall standing is enough to deter the others. Conceptual magic! if A is true, then B. and such.
I am confident TrickQM can come up with better fanfiction than HBO. Keeping it simple y'know? We are thinking too hard on the others wrecking shit but that's probably because we are thinking on the show too much. The wall was built after the dawn war, after all.

Actually, why are we thinking the long night is coming? in the books the winter began on the last pages, but that's it. Again, disregard the show
>>
>>4747377
>What is the Horn of Winter on the front cover of Winds
>What is seeing White Walkers in the beginning of the book
Eh, Martin will never properly develop the second long night anyway because he is a hack. But the second long night will happen probably. If not the second long night, Euron fucking up the realm with ocean abominations will surely happen, and taking a dragon for himself because Dany is crazy and incompetent will happen.
>>
>>4747384
Actually, yeah! Having Euron as the Big Bad Evil Guy sounds amazing... and I am not convinced the long night will happen but there are and you have good arguments that it will.
>>
Just had a thought lads. What if when Bobby B wants to send assassins after Dany, we pull the Spider aside to express our concern that father dearest's plan is the wrong way to go about this and put a gag order on the whole operation. It'll certainly throw Varys for a loop, and maybe would incentivize him to keep us around and somewhat work in our interests, maybe opens the door to some kind of relationship with Dany. Thoughts?
>>
>>4747393
eh
>>
>>4747393
"I'ma make Dany take Blackfyre cock hurrhurr, that'll teach those Targ fags the throne is ours. Muh Golden Company, Muh Elephants. We'll take Rhaegal for FAegon now, k thx" - Varys probably.
>>
>>4747393
Varys killed Kevan because he was doing too good of a job at being hand and no one wanted to kill him.
Spider aims to get Faggon on the throne. His perfectly crafted Prince.
>>
>>4746752
We can try to impregnate Ser Gregor and Varys, not sure how well that'd go though.
>>4746762
Who knows if genes were changed when we got shunted into Joff's brain. Maybe we're 'tism patient zero in Westeros?
>>
>>4747404
>>4747429
Then how do we neuter the FAegon problem without getting killed? And do we just commit to the first autistic plan, i.e. kidnapping Dany before she gets married off?
>>
>>4746599
I'm actually a woman
>>
>>4747468
no
>>
>>4747468
Prove it
>>
>>4747468
So a black lesbian woman
>>
>>4747466
Kill Varys, Allerio, Viserys and Baelish if you ever want the kidnap Dany plan to work.
>>
>>4747476
I'm hungry right now and can't decide on what to eat.
>>
>>4747466
Varys and Illyrio are the masterminds behind the FAegon plot. Killing or otherwise incapacitating them would leave the reins to JonCon, Doran, and maybe Olenna, depending on who you ask. I don't trust the those people to work together very well, none of Doran's plans in canon worked, JonCon doesn't have a head for intrigue, and we can beat Olenna by outliving her. Our second option is to offer Varys a compromise and pitch marrying Dany and either taking her name or starting a new house altogether, something that would avoid a large drawn-out war and ideally placate the Targaryen and Baratheon loyalists alike.
>>4747482
I had killer Indian food yesterday, if there's a good place near you it might be worth checking out.
>>
>>4747480
I never said it would work, but this is apart of SI's 'master plan', so I'm half of the opinion of attempting this autism for autism's sake.

>>4747482
Eat American.
>>
>>4747482
How can you be a woman if you have feet but never send toe pics?

Check
MATE
>>
Steam starts to fill the room and fog up the windows, providing you the most privacy you think you could possibly attain in this ancient abode full of secret passages and eavesdropping walls.

“If we're done with the lies,” you practically moan from the pleasant sensation of being tended to and cleaned by your mom. “Then we should dispense with the grandest one – I know who my real father is.”

Cersei drops the brush from her hand, the object plopping into the bathtub with a splash as she recoils, heels clattering on the tiles as she stands back up and stumbles. “J-Joffrey, what are you talking -”

“I thought we were done lying,” you cut her off, turning around in the bath to stare down the noblewoman on the verge of panic, casually resting your arms on the edge of the tub, your own emerald eyes as cool as a cat's. “You wanted to know the truth behind my sudden change of personality at the joust?” you rhetorically ask, preparing to lie some more. “I'm doing everything I possibly can to distance myself from him, which includes betting against gallant Ser Jaime in the jousts and not traveling with the two of you to Casterly Rock like you're my fucking parents, mother.”

Cersei mutters and gurgles inarticulately for several moments, stunned into near silence, babbling unintelligibly in response to your accurate accusations and your cunning justifications. “W-who . . . fed you those slanderous, poisonous lies!?” she screams in denial, still lying to your face even as you shove her nose into the truth.

It's somewhat disheartening to hear her continue trying to keep you mollified and in the dark even as you demonstrate your clear knowledge and willingness to keep the secret of you incestuous heritage. However, you obviously can't just tell Cersei you learned of your illicit ancestry because you read a novelization of her life or know the future. That would be fucking stupid and unbelievable. Maybe you can answer this question in a way that helps further your ultimate goals.

Who is responsible for you learning the truth?

>One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances
>Varys The Spider whispered as much to you, suggesting your true parentage
>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
>You met many of Robert Baratheon's bastards and even though several of the mothers were blonde, all the children were black-haired and blue-eyed.
>Tyrion mentioned you and Jaime were fucking.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4747593
>>Other (write-in)
No one and try to be quieter next time
>>
>>4747593
>>Other
egad it was the BIRDS
>>
>>4747593
>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
>>
>>4747593
holy shit, autism worked!

>>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
>>
>>4747593
>One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances
>Varys The Spider whispered as much to you, suggesting your true parentage
>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
Let's get rid of all of the obstacles in this one fell swoop.
>>
>>4747593
>>One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances

Implicating people as the source probably isn't going to end well.
>>
Just keep in mind cersei is gonna do something dumb/insane regarding anybody we mention. all these options are potentially hilarious.

>>4747611
+1
>>
>>4747613
It actually does end well. Cersei can arrest anyone she wants, she can send assassins against anyone she wants. If Baelish can assassinate Arryn with little difficulty, just imagine how he could take out enemies if he had Cersei's resources as the daughter of Tywin. Let's think like someone who has those resources if our mom is crazy enough to kill all of the bastards of Robert in KL.
>>
>>4747593
>it doesnt matter.All it matters is that I know.I did my homework and if I figured it out others will soon find out too.
>>
>>4747622
Yeah but Cersei is a royal fuckup. Everything she does backfires horribly.
>>
>>4747629
Precisely this, just asking for trouble.
>>
>>4747629
Well that's the point.

She'll try to do something regarding Stannis, Baefish, and Arryn. When that backfires hopefully it fucking nukes her.
>>
>>4747593
Rewriting my vote, sorry >>4747615
>Other (write-in)
>Did you honestly think that nobody would find it odd that your children share no resemblance to Robert whatsoever? That the three of us looking like Lannisters to a T wouldn't raise even the slightest suspicion? Well it has, dear mother, and most of the Small Council is beginning to look for proof to back up their hunches. So keep your shock to yourself for it won't help anyone and nobody shares it, not even me.
>>
>>4747633
Tywin will probably save her ass like he always does. But keeping Cersei at Casterly Rock far away from the court would be ideal.
>>
>>4747593
>>4747634
welp here's your new +1
>>
>>4747628
>>4747593
+1
>>
>>4747593
>>One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances
>>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
>>
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I know it will backfire massively but, really, who cares? Aren't you all tempted to throw Littlefinger under the bus?
>>
>>4747633
She will try and fuck it up, we're likely to end up with all of those people rebelling or Bobby B kicking us out and disowning us. Convenient he's got a royal bastard close at hand now.
>>
>Write-in
>Because I've walked in on you fucking many times. You're not as careful as you believe, and I can only wonder how you have not been discovered so far. I did not understand at first what I was witnessing, but now I know what goes on when Jaime is on duty 'protecting' you.

Vote for this one lads. It correctly assumes that whenever Jaime is on duty as Cersei's guard, they fuck. Also it is direct eyewitness testimony from us, which she cannot deny unlike hearing it from Littlefinger or Tyrion or reading it in a book.
>>
>>4747649
I want to throw Baelish, Varys and that dumb book under the bus. Even if Cersei gets into shit because of it that is a good thing because we won't have to deal with her psycho episodes and Jamie will slowly rehabilitate from his fuck boy phase.
>>
>>4747651
Yeah it is huh.
Teehee.
>>
>>4747659
Pretending to be a retard still makes you a retard.
>>
>>4747663
That was the most fun idea I've ever +1'd in a GOT quest, and I will defend it until it stops being funny and maybe even after that too when V actually tries to protect Gendry from us or Cersei.
>>
What's the name of the witch who told Cersei her three kids? Say she told us. Then tell Cersei she needs to have more kids to break the prophecy. Unironically have one with Robert some atleast one comes out looking like him.
>>
>>4747593
>it doesnt matter.All it matters is that I know.I did my homework and if I figured it out others will soon find out too.
>Think for once you daft woman. By the seven.
If a child can figure it out. How many others do you think can figure this out?
>>
>>4747599
>>4747655
I overheard you and Jaime fucking

>>4747600
The Three Eyed Raven told me

>>4747601
>>4747603
>>4747605
>>4747611
>>4747615
>>4747647

You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn

>>4747605
>>4747613
>>4747647

One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances

>>4747605
Varys The Spider whispered as much to you, suggesting your true parentage

>>4747628
>>4747646
>>4747702
HURR DURR I JUST KNOW
>>
>>4747593
>>One of Pycelle's tomes that lists the many lineages and descriptions of noble families and their appearances
>>Varys The Spider whispered as much to you, suggesting your true parentage
>>You overheard Littlefinger suggesting as such to Lord Stannis Baratheon, who you then overheard spreading the rumor to Lord Jon Arryn
>>
>Baelish Option Won
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab6GyR_5N6c
This scene but Baelish is killed.
>>
>>4747714
in truth we all know the Og true got Waifu Is Benjen Stark
>>
>>4747736
What the fuck was he thinking
>>
>>4747828

What did he mean by this?
>>
>>4747836
I mean what on earth was going through Baelish's head when he went "hmm, yes I will bring up the incest in front of the queen and her armed guards"
>>
>>4747855
I know, I really don't know what he meant by that.
>>
>>4747861
>Hey Cersei and Cersei's armed guards, I know that the queen is banging her twin. Just making sure you know that I know, I'd hate for you to be out of the loop. Say, want to hear about my debt scheme?
>>
>>4747855
>>4747861
Even Baelish has his retard moments, especially when him being friendzoned by Cat is brought up.
>>
>blame baelish
>we kicking this shit show off early
>>
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“I overheard the Master of Coin,” you begin relaying the information as you run your fingers across the surface of the water, “suggest as much doubt as to who my real father was to the Master of Ships, who then passed this same rumor on to the Hand of the King. And considering the Master of Whisperers is, as I'm sure you're well aware, the Master of Whisperers, I wouldn't be surprised if he had heard the information too by this point.”

Cersei grits her teeth and snarls in frustration, “Treasonous usurpers, the lot of them. Conspiring against me and my children for their own gain.”

You sigh. “Did you honestly think nobody would find it odd that neither I, Tommen nor Myrcella share any resemblance to the King whatsoever? That all of us being blonde of hair with eyes of green wouldn't raise the slightest suspicion?”

“That's because you all take after me, dear,” she poorly defends herself from the obvious truth of her incestuous pregnancies. “You're my babies. Any resemblance you think you share with Jaime is simply because we're twins. He looks like me and you also look like me, as anyone at court would have to acknowledge. Did you know your uncle and I used to look so alike as children I would dress up in his clothes and train with the master-of-arms at Casterly Rock, him being none the wiser?”

You roll your eyes. “Well, dear mother, most of the Small Council will start looking for proof to back up their hunches, so don't be shocked when they bring their suspicions to light – for it won't help anyone and nobody shares it, not even me.”

Cersei bites her lip, her mind a whirlwind. “You have to come with us when we leave for Casterly Rock tomorrow,” she declares, going against her initial promise when this conversation first began, in light of new evidence. “It's the only way I can keep you safe from the knives aimed at our backs.”

You scoff, shaking your head. “I already told you, earning Robert's respect and approval as his son while acting a tad more like him and spending a tad less time with you or uncle Jaime is our best strategy to combat this gossip.”

“If I'm not around to protect you, they'll kill you,” she insists, on the verge of tears as she nears close to the tub again. “I know it.”

>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
>If you want to protect me, there's a prostitute at a nearby brothel pregnant with one of Robert's bastards. Get rid of the mother and babe both by the time you leave tomorrow for The Rock.
>If you want to protect me, tell Grand Maester Pycelle to listen to my every word. I know he's one of grandfather's creatures and I need him to do as I bid as the only Lannister remaining in King's Landing.
>Other (write-in)
>>
>>4747931
>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
Not gonna sweet home alabama this one man.
>>
>>4747931
>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
>>
>>4747931
>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
I cant belive this is an option.But if trick gave it I am taking it
>>
>>4747931
>>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
She might be delusional enough to believe us, especially if we say it in a way that Jamie would say it. Heck she let Myrcella go off to Dorne on her own.
>>
>>4747931
>Other (write-in)
Have another baby. Really, if she has one with Robert, it just looks like we beat the odds. By the time they're an adult, we SHOULD (theoretically) be the heroic King who defeated the Others anyway so no-one would back him (assuming they're a guy). As far as Robert is concerned, Cersei has fucked him constantly during their marriage (while he was drunk). Even IF she cheated with Jaime, and this comes out, what would be the odds of that making her pregnant over all the times she slept with Robert? Think about it LOGICALLY. Tell her to get knocked up.
>>
>>4747931
>>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest
>>
>>4747931
>>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
>>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
>>
>>4747931
>>If you want to protect me, tell Grand Maester Pycelle to listen to my every word. I know he's one of grandfather's creatures and I need him to do as I bid as the only Lannister remaining in King's Landing.
maybe pick something actually useful, coomertards
>>
>>4747931
>>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.

Perhaps we can at least get her to supplement the hound, maybe with some sellswords tucked away nearby in the city.

Can we knock it off with the coomer shit?
>>
>>4747931
>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
then
>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
>>
>>4747931
>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone.
>The closer I stay to Robert, the more careful they have to make their schemes. Think of it like this mother, most of the Lannister family leaves and the crown prince dies in King's Landing? They wouldn't risk grandfather turning his attention on all of them with such a foolish assassination.

Throwing the bit about Tywin in should help, I believe at this point she's somewhat aware of what he's capable of.
>>
>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.

i dont even want this, but its for the sake of ohgodwtf
>>
>>4747976
>Can we knock it off with the coomer shit?
Depends if we actually want to get banned or not for pedobaiting. Trick hasn't ticked that box yet afaik.
>>
>>4747993
Well I'm sure someone will report it.
>>
>>4747993
now I'm tempted to snitch on Trick to spite coomers
>>
>>4747931

+1 anon>>4747979
>>
>>4748001
all smut scenes will be relegated to pastebins.

This kiss will not lead to a smut scene . . . yet
>>
the more people bitch about coomers the more I'll support coomer options just to spite them
>>
>>4748001
Be a shame
>>
>>4748010
DAECUMNSAR has SPOKETH
>>
>>4748010
the anti-anticoomer
>>
>>4747931
>>If you want to protect me, tell Grand Maester Pycelle to listen to my every word. I know he's one of grandfather's creatures and I need him to do as I bid as the only Lannister remaining in King's Landing.
>>Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.
The shame, oh the shame.
>>
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>>4747468
>>
>>4748010
Great tactic of cutting your nose to spite your face. Go, faggot.
>>
If anything is going to get this quest banned, its the fact that i wrote the words "12 year old flaccid penis" even though that wasnt a sex scene.
>>
>>4748020
Trick is a black female lesbian and you all are going to like it. MMHMMMM *sassy finger snapping and hand motions*
>>
>>4748010
Enjoy getting quest nuked i guess
>>
>>4748022
That's not actual smut.
It's just a simple description.
>>
>>4748022
well, you can only blame yourself for giving such options
>>
>>4748028
Blue boards were a mistake. This isn't s0lddit.
>>
>>4748028
Yea whatever pedo
>>
>>4748026
>>4748031
see
>>4748009
>>
>>4748022
Or a couple players sporting sudden new ID's and flak-firing RP between us and our mum. Sans the new ID's part. Now to figure out how to write mother child incest smut properly in GRRM fanfiction style.
>>
>>4748028
>>4748032
Jezus the actual act is fucked up and I don't want to know that shit. It's the same as saying that a girl has breasts. So as long as it is simple character descriptions I am fine. If it's more I will be the first one to fire a bullet.
>>
Hopefully Cersei will throw even bigger fit to BTFO coomers. Unfortunately subhumans will never learn.
>>
>>4748021
>>4748026
>t.Discordtrannies
>>
>>4748025
>trick is a z-snapping, back-talking, spicy-food-loving, honey-saying, fro-headed, muff-diving, LAWD-praising, home-grown southern belle

Huh.
>>
How do you even describe a 12 yr olds mast? The "evestwain of a small boat not larger than a swoop two quarters in restraint yet looming with the guarded femininity of dinghy spar- unadjusted to the wind and yet to sail." This is way more effort than I thought it'd be.
>>
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>>4748058
>NOOOOOOOOOO! I need to self-insert as 12 years old boy fucking his own mother!
>>
>>4747941
>>4747951
>>4747970
>>4747976
>>4747977
>>4747979
>>4748004

If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.

>>4747942
>>4747944
>>4747960 (samefag)
>>4747970
>>4747977
>>4748018
>>4747990

Grab Cersei by the neck, pull her close and kiss her on the lips. Incest is Wincest.

>>4747956
Get knocked up by the King

>>4747971
>>4748018
If you want to protect me, tell Grand Maester Pycelle to listen to my every word. I know he's one of grandfather's creatures and I need him to do as I bid as the only Lannister remaining in King's Landing.

Writing!
>>
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>>4747931
Aren't this two pretty much the same, but the second one is better? My vote is the second, desu
>>If you want to protect me, act natural, help me get dressed for the feast and do nothing. Let me handle things while you're gone. I have plans.
>>If you want to protect me, tell Grand Maester Pycelle to listen to my every word. I know he's one of grandfather's creatures and I need him to do as I bid as the only Lannister remaining in King's Landing.

QM, baby girl, I am not sure how funny or pleasing you find the smut to be, but I think it began to get in the way of your quality. It was a questionable yet fun activity to roll for the father and son rods while you were unavailable, with your lesbian girlfriend, but you taking part in it will attract the wrong crowd. Coomers are not the best readers and probably have only watched some seasons of the show. What I mean is that you can find a compromise and be ambivalent to the sex jokes and suggestions if it pleases you. That way we won't get the idea that "Oh the QM is 100% on board with /ss/ let's GOOOO" but maybe you are on board. If so there are some onee-shota doujinshi I would recommend.

So please, do think what do you want this quest to be.
I added a cute anime thing so this post grabs more attention
>>
>>4748070
>>
>>4748085
Hey man, I would have been thrilled if you hit on Loras and started butt fucking him, but you turned it down.

What, I'm going to offer to let you try to fuck Loras but not Cersei, one of the hottest chicks in the show. Fuck that noise.
>>
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>>4748091
>fixed
>>
oh shit, wojak cascade is in-progress, everyone brace for cringe, lower the seethe-blast doors
>>
>>4748103
It was going to happen sooner or later
>>
>>4748099
Do you complain about coomshit when you read Gurm's books? Genuinely asking.
>>
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>>4748094
Okay QM. I'll be more relaxed playing this quest. The update quality coupled with what is happening in between really throws me off. I am accustomed to original quests only so all this activity is a new experience
>>
>>4748113
In the books it's equal parts tragedy and comedy for the textual diarrhea he perceives as "porn". In my case the bar is already so low I cannot imagine not complaining about it at some point. Who would even defend they way he writes? Good god, I know we play quests but even Trick is not that bad.
>>
>>4748085
>bitching about coomers
>posts some turbodegenerate gif
I'll wager about half of the people in the thread to begin with had only seen the show.

Not that it matters. Because anons are as unpredictable and whimsical as the breeze.
>>
>>4748138
I'll cashapp Trick a shiny nickel if he can do any worse than myrish swamps or fat pink masts in his pastebins.
>>
>>4748103
brace for nuke
>>
>>4748157
Please no nuke.
>>
Going for a walk, be back to actually write some shit soon.

And . . . I got warned for one of my posts in the thread I guess . . . so, um, the next post is going to be a pastebin???
>>
>>4748177
>>
>>4748177
Welp.
Augustus of Westeros then and no coomer shit.
Fair enough.
>>
>>4748177
rip lol
>>
>>4748177
Its just an anon or a jannie who got buttblasted that his precious blue board isn't autistically PG-13 like S0lddit. Like I said, blue boards were a mistake.
>>
>>4748177
lol
>>
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>>4748177
>>
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>>4748177
The North remembers
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>>4748184
seethe lol
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>>4748202
Haha I remember that one, can't believe anons ghosted the quest because of gayshit happened and their cringe waifu wish fulfillment didn't happen.
>>
>>4748202
Holy shit.
WTF did I just read?
>>
>>4748204
I'm not the one who went out of my way to report words on the internet, but okay. Stay delusional
>>
>>4748212
your tears are delicious
>>
>>4748211
The smut fanfiction that btfo'd waifufags and caused them to rage quit the wish fulfillment quest.
>>
>>4748204
It seems every quest must have at least one moralfaggot. Good to have you aboard.
>>
>>4748223
I wonder if A-kun has autism and people like that, never been on there though.
>>
>>4748177
I'd say I told you so but you know how this dance plays out. Don't push your luck... please. This is the only good GOT thread on the board.
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>>4748208
>anons vote for gay sex with benjen as haha joke
>anons rage when trick actually follows through
>?????
>profit
>>
>>4748229
A-kun is 90% smut quests so probably not
>>
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>>4748202
Jesus Christ.
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>>4748250
Yes Elsweyr, you may now begin to understand the truth of my words.
You're in for it.
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>>4748250
Did you know that Trick is actually a black woman? Also pic may or may not happen to your self insert.
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>>4748250
post the worst thing you've ever written
>>
>>4748202
\
AHAHHAHAHHA . . . good times, those were.

Welp, back from my walk. Time to write some more.
>>
>>4748250
BTW, I didn't write that shit. That was a fan who made that whose shit got deleted and I reposted for posterity's sake.
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>>4748177
Post the warning and link the post, also this >>4748001
fag there reported you.

Ban him from the quest.
>>
https://pastebin.com/sc5ZsTwG

For anyone interested.
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>>4748311
>linking to pedoshit
>>
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>>4748311
>>4748202
Why can't I unsee this shit and why did I fully read it?!
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>>4748311
I like how you have a link readily available, I wonder if you can come up with even more graphic smut than the "fan made" one.
>>
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>>4748311
>"Alright guys, the next update will be in a pastebin"
>see that qm has linked a pastebin
>mfw I read what it is
Really putting the "trick" in TrickQM, boss.
>>
>>4748323
I had the same thing.
Can't unsee this shit.
Although if you've been long enough on the internet you have seen way worse shit.
>>
>>4748323
>>4748326
You guys haven't seen the blue waffle stuff and 2 girls 1 cup from the 2000s huh? Sweet summer children...
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>>4748328
My friend I have seen it and also know of the pain olympics. I just like to be prepared before diving into the shit.
>>
>>4748328
Even meatspin.com.
Man 2000s internet was really wild.
>>
>people freaking out
>it's just some gayshit sext

Seriously? Pansies.
>>
>>4748323
Oh shit, lol, i wish i had done that on purpose but i didnt, sorry senpai, kek
>>
Oh shit, one of my posts got deleted. The one right before>>4747593

Does anybody have a backup of it?

I delete most of my shit after posting it.
>>
>>4748350
Sorry. Nope.
>>
>>4748350
its 4747568
You are usually a patient, calm man. The type willing to sit there and take the ridicule from a dozen shitposters insulting you and calling you an autistic flake. But with this screeching harpy confronting you, lambasting you for all the lies you totally just told to her face – something inside you snaps.

This may turn turn out to be a hiccup in your master plan . . . or perhaps its cornerstone bedrock. Only time will tell as you stiffen your spine, stare down the lioness of Lannister and prepare to rebuff her smothering motherliness.

You do this by disrobing right in front of her, maintaining eye contact the whole time, not even blinking as you win this staring contest over and over again. “No lies, then?” you clarify as you pull your sweat-stained shirt up and over your head. “Very well – yes, mother, I was doing my best to impress the King and strengthen our bond as well as his otherwise woefully lacking affections for me.”

“W-what are you doing?” she inquires in between a cacophony of blinks, confused as you unbuckle the belt looped around your breaches and toss your sheathed dagger and sword off to the side of the room.

“Taking a bath,” you spit the answer out, dropping your trousers to reveal you smallclothes. “As I had planned to quickly do so before my nameday feast begins when you interrupted. It seems you sent away my servants for this mother-son chat of ours so I'll have to do everything all by myself. Of course, I won't have much time to speak with you, clean the dirt and sweat of my sparring session off my body, and dress in my noble finery if I truly wish to arrive at the Great Hall punctually, so if I really am still your beautiful baby prince, mayhaps we should have the rest of this conversation while you wash and then clothe me, mommy?”

You finish your spiel standing proudly amidst a pile of fabric wearing nought but your birthday suit, pleased with the not inconsiderable size of your flaccid, twelve year old penis that you have now just seen for the first time since you inhabited this new body.

Your bold tactic seems to work as all the furious rage seems to flee the queen's form, replaced with a combination of confusion, distaste and, ultimately, doting acceptance. “Grant me a moment to run the water.”

Several moments later, you discover that the tub in your bathroom is a polished, porcelain throne and see Queen Cersei sitting off to the side on the edge of the lip like she was your personal skivvy, the sleeves of her fancy gown rolled up past her elbows, a brush in her hands.

You immerse yourself in the warm, soapy and freshly scented liquid which fills the ample bathtub, allowing your sore, aching muscles a chance to relax from the torture you put them through as the Queen herself performs the menial labor necessary to scrub clean your soft, pink flesh.


Just this once
>>
>>4748357

Thanks senpai
>>
>Moralfags seething at people having fun again
We really need to amend that ERP rule, the post was just a physical description of his body.
>>
>>4748362
>inb4 banned for post
>>
>>4748366
Lmao they want to ban the QM because of their delusional self importance, its so pathetically self destructive.
>>
>>4748366
it really isn't ERP, kinda stupid.

I also really hope this isn't some salty Fatefag reporting my shit in revenge for /qtg/ autism
>>
>>4748366
Moralfags are some of the biggest schizos around. I have no doubt they’ll be a constant source of trouble going forward.
>>
>>4748366
Maybe you faggots should fuck off to akun
>>
>>4748393

You got a problem with the quest, champ?
>>
>>4748366
>>4748393
Today on Celebrity Deathmatch we have the boogeyman of the internet Anonymous versus the local qm hobo of /qst/ Elseweyr. I want a good clean fight, no jannies or DOXXing.

Let's Get It On!
>>
>>4748405
Please QM. Just write. If people don't like the quest they drop. I once dropped a quest because I didn't like the direction it was heading. You can never please everyone. If you try you please no one.
>>
>pedos seething ITT
hilarious
>>
Man the worst part too is that I wasn't going to even mention the penis originally, I just put it in because you guys rolled up a big penis for Joffrey and I thought it was funny.

It was one line meant to reference the stupid shit you guys did.
>>
>>4748417
Ignore the schizos are write.
>>
>>4748422
and write* I fucking hate typing on my tablet.
>>
>>4748427
I hate typing on your tablet, too.
>>
>>4748430
uwu
>>
>>4748430
>>
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Well it was a good thread. How about QM makes a new thread?
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>>4748436
Honestly it might be better to not have this shit on the front page for awhile, at least not until we reach a less steamy point (pun intended)
>>
>>4748446
You decide. You're the QM.
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>>4748451
I did, numbnuts.
>>
>>4748456
Well I just agreed with you. It's your choice and your choice is to not have the shit on the front page for a while, until shit has cooled.
>>
>>4748412
Which quest?
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>>4748467
Fallout Nukaloha Quest.
It was when they just left the floating city after they caused it's demise. That was just plain stupid and didn't fit the character.
>>
>>4748311
a blast from the past
>>
>>4748362
>>4747593
Based Trick BTFOing tranny jannies and reddit tourists
>>
>>4748548
Guess again, buckaroo.
>>
>>4748548
Almost makes me forgive you for catfishing me into reading that Benjen smut pastebin, you bastard
>>
fuck
>>
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You rapidly reach out with an arm, still sore and tired from the many times you used it to batter away at Ser Loras's practice sword with your own, overextending from where you sit in the bathtub to grip your hysterical Queen mother by the back of the neck. Your digits sink into her tender flesh with enough fleeting strength left to pull her surprised face down close enough for you to mash your pouty lips onto hers.

Cersei's eyes widen in further alarm, fear of you being about to strangle her to death quickly transforming into horror at your amorous display of affections. Having initially gasped when you first grabbed her, you are able to slither your tongue directly into her open mouth to french kiss the beautiful woman that you honestly don't have any maternal attachment to whatsoever in reality, because you sure as shit aren't the mind of Joffrey Baratheon and don't remember this woman being your mother for the last twelve years. This body might genetically be her son's but your brain certainly isn't. And she's fucking hot, if crazy, as well as incestuous, so why the fuck not give it a go? You've gotten laid before despite you autism – now you've simply got a prettier meat sack surrounding the nugget of autism rattling in your skull.

You know for sure you currently lack the leverage or the power because of your exhaustion from sparring to hold her by force for long, relying on the element of surprise to make first contact.

So the fact that, after the several seconds it takes for her to realize what extraordinarily insane thing just happened, Queen Cersei doesn't resist and squirm nor pull back away from and out of your grasp is a fairly good sign she might secretly reciprocate a portion of your affections.

A much better sign, however, comes when her emerald eyes close shut, her tongue flutters back submissively in a consenting dance with your own for a split second and she can't help but moan out the name, “~Jaime~”

Her eyes shoot back open as she freezes. You similarly halt your own romantic actions upon hearing that utterance.

The Lady of Casterly Rock easily escapes the snare your hand and mouth have her in with a violent shake of her head, her emerald tiara falling from the long, cascading, golden locks upon which it was resting into the bathtub with a soft plop. She glares at you in a mix of outrage and complicated terror through several stray bangs now out of place because of her jerky head movements.

You simply smirk back at her, retrieving her crown from the bath tub and holding it out for her to take from your hand. “So . . . I really do resemble my dear sweet uncle.”

She stammers wordlessly, snatching her tiara from your outstretched hand and putting it back on before her open palm lunges for your face.

SLAP
>>
>>4748570
Joffreys massive balls must remain in our collective imaginations, I suppose.
>>
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You are usually a patient, calm man. The type willing to sit there and take the ridicule from a dozen shitposters insulting you and calling you an autistic flake. But with this screeching harpy confronting you, lambasting you for all the lies you totally just told to her face – something inside you snaps.

This may turn turn out to be a hiccup in your master plan . . . or perhaps its cornerstone bedrock. Only time will tell as you stiffen your spine, stare down the lioness of Lannister and prepare to rebuff her smothering motherliness.

You do this by disrobing right in front of her, maintaining eye contact the whole time, not even blinking as you win this staring contest over and over again. “No lies, then?” you clarify as you pull your sweat-stained shirt up and over your head. “Very well – yes, mother, I was doing my best to impress the King and strengthen our bond as well as his otherwise woefully lacking affections for me.”

“W-what are you doing?” she inquires in between a cacophony of blinks, confused as you unbuckle the belt looped around your breaches and toss your sheathed dagger and sword off to the side of the room.

“Taking a bath,” you spit the answer out, dropping your trousers to reveal you smallclothes. “As I had planned to quickly do so before my nameday feast begins when you interrupted. It seems you sent away my servants for this mother-son chat of ours so I'll have to do everything all by myself. Of course, I won't have much time to speak with you, clean the dirt and sweat of my sparring session off my body, and dress in my noble finery if I truly wish to arrive at the Great Hall punctually, so if I really am still your beautiful baby prince, mayhaps we should have the rest of this conversation while you wash and then clothe me, mommy?”

You finish your spiel standing proudly amidst a pile of fabric wearing naught but your birthday suit, pleased with the shape and size of your new, twelve year old body that you have now just seen for the first time since you inhabited it.

Your bold tactic seems to work as all the furious rage seems to flee the queen's form, replaced with a combination of confusion, distaste and, ultimately, doting acceptance. “Grant me a moment to run the water.”

Several moments later, you discover that the tub in your bathroom is a polished, porcelain throne and see Queen Cersei sitting off to the side on the edge of the lip like she was your personal skivvy, the sleeves of her fancy gown rolled up past her elbows, a brush in her hands.

You immerse yourself in the warm, soapy and freshly scented liquid which fills the ample bathtub, allowing your sore, aching muscles a chance to relax from the torture you put them through as the Queen herself performs the menial labor necessary to scrub clean your soft, pink flesh.

This post goes before this one (for future readers).>>4747593 (You)

Seriously mods, elp me out here. What do I need to change to make this work.
>>
coomers btfo
>>
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>>4748578
Based.
>mfw
Let's neatly segue into 'See, I'm not an idiot. Now let me do my thing while you're gone. Oh, also the others definitely know now.'
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>>4748627
Lucky bastard. Gay seggs when?
>>
>>4748578
>>4748627
this unironically went well
>>
You can't help but wince as the lioness claws you, a stinging pain blossoming upon your cheek from where her sharp fingernails struck you. “If I told Jaime of what you just did he'd kill you himself,” she coldly informs you.

“Then mayhaps it's a good thing we'll be parting ways tomorrow, mother, lest you get confused during the trip.”

SLAP

You chuckle after the second slap despite the pain. “Good point. Regicidal filicide is no joking matter. Well, if you still wish to protect your beloved son, mother, then add this moment to the list of incestuous secrets you'll neglect to mention and act natural – don't do anything. Let me handle this while you're gone. I have plans on how to keep your indiscretions which created me and my sibling from coming to light and killing us all. Now help me get dressed for my nameday feast.”

Cersei takes a deep breath as she listens to your words, the sexual interaction you two just shared oddly calming her down and making her think in a far more calculated manner as well as altering her attitude towards you drastically enough to consider the fact that there is far more to you than she previously must have thought . . . and she isn't quite sure yet if that's a good thing . . . or a terrible thing. “Very well. Let's get you ready.”

The Queen assists in dressing you after you get out of the bath tub and dry off, tentatively combing your hair and helping you into a deep blue doublet studded with a double row of golden lion's heads. There is a tense, clearly awkward silence between the two of you.

“Whatever you may think of me,” she eventually speaks aloud, breaking the silence. “Know that I love you – as a mother –” she emphasizes, whether she's trying to convince you or herself you can only guess, “and only want what's best for you.” She places a coronet of gold, encrusted with sapphires atop you head – the symbol of your status as Crown Prince of the Seven Kingdoms.

You sigh out, nodding. “I know.”

Together, the two of you leave your bedchambers arm in arm, picking up your six foot four, half-burnt shadow as you go as well as two members of the Kingsguard. You leave the royal chambers and Maegor's Holdfast altogether, ascending the steps until you reach the Great Hall where the throne room is found.

The Iron Throne - an asymmetric monstrosity of spikes, jagged edges and twisted metal – sits on a raised iron dais with high and narrow steps, constructed from a thousand melted, twisted, beaten, and broken blades surrendered by Aegon the Conqueror's enemies so that the warrior king would never sit easy, nor would any of his descendants.
>>
I don't know the reply cap of /qst/
>>
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A long carpet stretches from the throne to the hall's great oak-and-bronze doors through which you enter with your Queen mother, a royal servant announcing your names and a list of your titles as well as the fact that this is your twelfth nameday – the very reason for this event. The cavernous Great Hall can feast a thousand people and close to that number seem to be in attendance of your birthday dinner, seated upon dozens and dozens of trestle tables, relatively positioned from least important person near the throne room's entrance to most important person near the throne.

The hall is oriented north to south, with high, narrow windows on the eastern and western walls, adorned with hunting tapestries.

You guide your mother to your royal places of honor beside the King, Robert Baratheon gracing you with a raucous greeting loud enough for the whole hall of attendees to hear, the fat man still pleased as punch by your earlier displays of filial fealty and seeming dedication to the prospect of becoming a true warrior in the near future.

Cersei maintains her composure as she sits down on the black-bearded man's left and very soon after the food is served by a plethora of servants.

The nobles dig in, eating and drinking far more than their fill in a ravenous, gluttonous frenzy. A familiar looking youth with a wisp of a mustache plays upon his wood harp, loudly singing a song about how a lion fell into a rose bush and got a thorn stuck in its paw.

This clever ditty seems to displease Queen Cersei while it more than thrills King Robert.

You could just sit back and enjoy this delicious birthday dinner, but this is also another opportunity to schmooze and scheme as you see fit. Almost everyone you've seen at the joust and the melee is here, including several of the combatants who you could not speak with at the time due to their participation.

>Speak with someone? About what? (write-in)
>>
>>4748691
talk to grand maester pycelle about sanitation reform

let's build a healthier, happier king's landing
>>
>>4748691
Is it me or the coomanons have just created an even worse Jofrey than the ones they wanted to distance themselves from? Hey, I like it. Having a somewhat neutered MC would have been boring yet here we are, seizing what is ours and everything that is within an arms reach.

Oh boy there are so many names sitting at this table... it is a little overwhelming, ngl. I am rereading the first book but it is not helping much... Can we ask Thoros (I doubt he is here but we never know) if he knows Melissandre? I don't recall from the books if they know each other. Who else could we speak to.... the small council is above our league for now and I am very pleased to know we won't do anything lorebreaking until we spare Eddard's life
>>
>>4748699
>>4748691
>Talk to Pycelle about Sanitation Reform and about obtaining a certain book.
>Talk to Thoros and ask if he knows of Melisandre.
Heh, why not. The entire city smells like seweage except for The Sept and The Red Keep. The smallfolk and nobles will appreciate a cleanlier city. Also let's try to get the red priestess.
>>
>>4748705
Oh and obviously taking that pesky book out of the equation.
>>
Talk to Renly, I guess. We need to improve his opinion of us. He may mean the difference between civil war and a peaceful transition. Talk to him about Loras, he's trained him to be a good knight, one of the best in fact, he should be proud. It's our 12th birthday and we're almost a man grown. Since Robert rarely visits the Small Council, ask Renly if we should start sitting in on the meetings to see how the realm is run. We're asking him before approaching the King directly because he's the easiest council member to talk to, and we're related (lol).
>>
>>4748705
support
>>
>>4748711
I think Renly is too power hungry to ever become an ally we can rely on.
>>
>>4748711
All it takes is for Varys or Littlefinger to whisper some ideas into his ear to go turncoat. Instead of partying with Stannis he decided to be a little bitch and fight against his own family for that throne.
>>
>>4748705
Please don't talk to Pycelle about the book right here in the Great Hall where everyone can hear. I think this is a moment to schmooze nobles and shit, we can talk about sanitation reforms later. Pycelle's probably busy trying to cop a feel off some serving maid.
>>
>>4748711
Oh damn, good idea! I discard my >>4748701 and wholeheartedly support
>Talk to Renly about Loras. He is good knight and all. Suggest the idea of us attending council meetings.
>>
>>4748714
He was willing to negotiate with Ned that Ned seize power for himself and take the Royal children hostage. That would have resulted in Ned being Regent semi-permanently with Renly hopefully influencing his decisions. We can offer a similar role to him, him being our trusted advisor.
>>
>>4748726
I think you as a reader were tricked by Renly's words vs his actions. He organized the Tyrell marriage far too quickly and gathered his allies for power sharing a regency to have been his actual plan. He always planned to depose Joffrey at some point and crown himself king.

Renly wants to be king, not just a puppet master, and he'll always be a threat.
>>
>>4748728
Well, that's just Renly's defects y'know? Because every character wants us either dead or out of the way to further their own goals so Renly being as greedy as it gets is something we have to deal with.

Who tf can we TRUST? Only the Lannister? hey, I love the lannisters they are the best faction, but I want more real allies
>>
>>4748728
Yeah talking to Renly isn't productive. He's willing to throw his own family under the bus to be king and be in a sham marriage with the Tyrells. People like that are not worth keeping around.
>>
Other options:
• Headpat Myrcella
• Have Barristan tell the story about how he killed Maelys the Monstrous. A feel-good story about killing Dragonspawn that both us and the King can appreciate, and a warning to would-be usurpers. Praise his bravery and ask if he has some spare time I'm his schedule, we'd like to learn from him as well
>>
>>4748737
I'd say setting up Ned to take over as Hand would be good.

He's the only guy we know who is both a high lord and not power hungry. If we can convince him we're not a monster or incest spawn, we would have a powerful friend who would give our word more currency.
>>
>>4748691
>Speak with someone? About what? (write-in)
>Barristan about Maelys
Like Elsweyr said.
>Stannis about the Greyjoy Rebellion
I want to learn about ships for some reason.
>>
>>4748691
talk to grand maester pycelle about sanitation reform
>Talk to selmy about his youth and the events at Duskendale and how hard it was to achieve
We have a very small window to arrange a kidnapping of dany before her wedding and given the events at Duskendale he is one of the few men who could grab her even if we know where she is.
>>
Also there's Tyrion to talk to. I'm not sure what about. Books maybe? Is he going back to Casterly Rock or staying here? Maybe he can point us to some books a Prince should read. We heard that the Lives of Four Kings by Grand Maester Kaeth is a book every monarch should read, maybe he can help us in finding it.
>>
>>4748737
Well we will soon be engaged to Sansa the idealist. So long as we can keep the incest plot from boiling over it gets us the north.
>>
imo people who will never be our friends: Dorne, the Baratheon siblings, the Greyjoys, the Targaryen dynasty, the Arryns while Lyssa is around, Varys and Littlefinger

people who could be our friends if we aren't a complete cunt: the Starks, the Tyrells, the Lannisters, the Tullys, possibly the Arryns if we replace Lyssa

>>4748755
I think being friends with Tyrion is a good idea but not in front of Cersei
>>
>>4748711
>>4748691
supporting
>>
>>4748691
>Barristan, about his youthful escapades and free time in his schedule.
>Jon Arryn, about running Seven Kingdoms at once since Bobby B certainly isn't.
>Myrcella, about headpats.
>>
>>4748691
This Renly plan is fucking stupid. He will only try to steal power from us. How is that trust? The rest are boring.

>Talk to Myrcella exclusively and shoot devilish looks to Cersei

Cersei hasn't been triggered enough yet. I want to bully her.
>>
>>4748757
What is a "north." Can I taste it? Eat it? Fuck it? Does it warm me at night? No? Fuck the north. Boring. Next.
>>
we should recruit Tyrion to be our personal 'Master of Whispers', outside of anyone else's knowledge.
>>
Ask LittleFinger how did he get his hands on a Valyrian Steel dagger. Good naturedly point out Tywin that he's been trying for years to get anything made of Valyrian Steel for decades now, but all the gold of Casterly Rock couldn't help him, so how is it that Littlefinger got one.

And yeah, shoot devilish looks to Cersei while headpatting Myrcella. Ask her if she got anything for her onee-chan big brother's birthday. If not, a hug will suffice.
>>
>>4748757
Not if Jon Arryn lives. Robert's whole trip north was to get Ned to be HotK, Joff's betrothal to Sansa was more of a spur of the moment thing. If Arryn lives and doesn't make an issue about our parentage, expect a betrothal to Margaery or Arianne Martell. Marriages are a good way to turn enemies into friends, and Arryn will know this.
>>
>>4748712
changing to
>Loudly ask LittleFinger how did he get his hands on a Valyrian Steel dagger. Good naturedly point out Tywin that he's been trying for years to get anything made of Valyrian Steel for decades now, but all the gold of Casterly Rock couldn't help him, so how is it that Littlefinger got one.
>>
>>4748802
>Arianne Martel
never going to be a trustworthy ally or bride

we should let Jon die, it'll give us more room to operate. he's already suspicious, and hates the lannisters. we'd have a clean slate with Ned
>>
>>4748797
huh? boss, did you just change your vote? because I am supporting your previous one.
>>
>>4748802
But we have planned to let things happen because it is too hard to avoid arryn's death by this point
>>
>>4748807
also book Sansa is a lot better looking than show Sansa, don't forget she's growing into a stone cold babe in the books
>>
>>4748807
>never going to be a trustworthy ally or bride
You're right, but Arryn doesn't know she's promised to Viserys (and then FAegon). A betrothal between the two of us wouldn't last either, Doran would make sure of that. Still a possibility to keep in mind though.
>we'd have a clean slate with Ned
Nah, Lysa's letter will ensure that he has at least a suspicion of things.
>>4748812
Planning in quests is nigh-on meaningless and prevoting is a pox and to be discouraged.
>>
You know what time it is???

RE-VOTE TIME! YAAAAAAY

>Talk to Pycelle
>Talk to Thoros
>Talk to Renly
>Talk to Barristan
>Talk to Stannis
>Talk to Jon Arryn
>Talk to Myrcella
>Talk to Littlefinger
>Talk to Tyrion

i'll lightly touch upon any subjects of conversation brought up beforehand in what y'all have been talking about, not enough to cause any problems, but at least enough for you to get a sense of the things you're interested in and then have follow up votes from there.

Like the previous events, there is obviously only so much time in the day and so you won't be able to talk to everybody for as long as you want.
>>
>>4748691
>ser Barristan
>tyrion
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Pycelle

>>4748823
we can use Ned's suspicion though to prove Jon Arryn was murdered by Lyssa for Littlefinger.

removing a major obstacle in our path
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Myrcella
>Talk to Littlefinger
>>
>>4748824
>>Talk to Pycelle
>>Talk to Thoros
>>Talk to Tyrion
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Myrcella

To bully the queen. All the others are BORING.
>>
>>4748824
>>Talk to Jon Arryn
>>Talk to Barristan
>>4748829
No we can't, Ned coming to the conclusion that Lysa did it rather than the Lannisters is a near impossibility and we would be incredibly hard-pressed to convince him otherwise because it would look like we're trying to shake him off the tail of Jaime and Cersei.
>>
>>4748840
two things.

1. we gather evidence on our own (maybe with tyrion's help) proving it. there's proof out there, we just have to find it.

2. we make a good impression in the north to predispose Ned to trusting us. Ned is a trusting person who loves Robert. If we remind him of his idealized Robert, if we have a good relationship with our dad, his love for Robert could transfer to us.

A lot of the reason Ned was quick to believe Lyssa is because Joffrey was such an unworthy shit.

What we really need to do though is neutralize Littlefinger and Varys.
>>
>>4748786
Wut?
>>4748802
Arryn gets got by little finger to advance his own interests.
I see no great reason to stop this because Ned is a better pawn given how new he will be.
Sansa still useful if dumb.
>>
>>4748824
Asking li' finger about the dagger is weird... QM will have to come up with something inconsequential about it... because the author probably made lil' finger have a dagger in the first place just to show how smart and powerful he is. HOWEVER.

>Talk to Littlefinger. Ask LittleFinger how did he get his hands on a Valyrian Steel dagger. Good naturedly point out Tywin that he's been trying for years to get anything made of Valyrian Steel for decades now, but all the gold of Casterly Rock couldn't help him, so how is it that Littlefinger got one. MAKE THE CONNECTION OF HIM BEING SMALL WITH THE DAGGER. A SMALL DAGGER FOR A SMALL LORD HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
>>
>>4748868
Sansa isn't stupid, just sheltered. We can potentially encourage her intelligence in a positive way.
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Pycelle
>Talk to Tyrion
>>
>>4748874
I was a sheltered kid. I never got kidnapped.
>>
>>4748877
nobody wanted to kidnap you
>>
>>4748874
Yeah she is bright if given the chance to grow, a much better match than Margery who would kill us just to get ahead or a martell who already wants to murder us.
Honestly the only other one is the greyjoy so we could make us of there busted af navy.
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Myrcella
>Talk to Barristan
>Talk to Tyrion
>>
>>4748884
but your ideas were either renly or petyr!!! Oh, who understands you
>>
>>4748879
If you say so.
>>
>>4748885
I'm just throwing shit at the wall, anon. Not everything sticks. Myrcella and Tyrion were in my ideas too.
>>
one way we could impress Ned when/if we go north is to vocally support improving the Night's Watch funding and recruitment.
>>
>>4748881
Margy gives us the reach though, which is far more useful than the north
>>
>>4748894
We could lead a caravan of Night's Watch recruits up North to deliver to Winterfell. Suggest it to Robert as a gift to Ned, to secure his Northern border from the wildlings. Empty every dungeon from King's Landing to Winterfell I'm our path. We're slow-moving because of the Queen's stagecoach anyway, a few more caged wagons won't matter.
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Pycelle
This city stinks like pigshit.

>Talk to Barristan
Dude your so cool, totally not crushing on you *blushes*

>Talk to Jon Arryn
Dude talk to me if you want to live, I am from the future.

>Talk to Tyrion
Hey uncle, wana sneak into my moms bedchamgers tonight?
>>
>>4748901
Not a bad idea at all
>>
>>4748861
>1. we gather evidence on our own (maybe with tyrion's help) proving it. there's proof out there, we just have to find it.
One of Ned's less level-headed traits is his unreasonable dislike of the Lannisters, which stems from seeing Jaime's cocky ass on the throne with Aerys dead at his feet and Tywin joining the war late and having Elia and her kids murdered. He doesn't hate Tyrion, but he certainly won't trust proof from him. It'll just be seen as the Lannisters trying to cover their collective asses.
>2. we make a good impression in the north to predispose Ned to trusting us. Ned is a trusting person who loves Robert. If we remind him of his idealized Robert, if we have a good relationship with our dad, his love for Robert could transfer to us.
I suppose that's possible, though our lack of resemblance to him is an obstacle. That and the fact that young Robert was still a drunken, whoring oaf, just less so. Ned understood Lyanna's hesitance about her betrothal, emulating Robert isn't a good idea. Improving our relationship with him might be worthwhile though.
>A lot of the reason Ned was quick to believe Lyssa is because Joffrey was such an unworthy shit.
Ned trusted Lysa because the Lannisters killing Jon lined up with what his prejudices of them told him. It's much deeper than just "this kid seems like a brat."
>What we really need to do though is neutralize Littlefinger and Varys.
Agreed, though not before we exhaust their usefulness.
>>
>>4748907
>One of Ned's less level-headed traits is his unreasonable dislike of the Lannisters
Which is why we have to show him we aren't a Lannister, we're a Baratheon. Subtly remind him his own children (except Jon and Arya) don't look like Starks if he's being stubborn about it.
>That and the fact that young Robert was still a drunken, whoring oaf, just less so.
that's why I said his 'idealized' Robert, the gregarious warrior prince, not the drunken whoring asshole. Robert without his worst traits.
>Agreed, though not before we exhaust their usefulness.
I think if we try to 'exhaust their usefulness' we'll be setting ourselves up to be played.
>>
>>4748912
>Subtly remind him his own children (except Jon and Arya) don't look like Starks if he's being stubborn about it.
None of his kids (save for maybe Sansa) lack any Stark features whatsoever though. Catelyn thinks that older Robb looks a lot like Ned, for example. We look literally nothing like Robert, and having someone like Gendry in the Red Keep will draw attention to that, should Ned find him.
>that's why I said his 'idealized' Robert, the gregarious warrior prince, not the drunken whoring asshole. Robert without his worst traits.
Ned isn't blind to Robert's bad traits though, he doesn't remember some idealized version of him. He remembers him as he was and loves him as a brother despite his faults.
>I think if we try to 'exhaust their usefulness' we'll be setting ourselves up to be played.
Maybe not wringing every last drop of usefulness from them, but Varys can be an in with Dany and Littlefinger coming clean about Sweetrobin and his debt scheme would be good.
>>
>>4748901
Good idea desu
Ned: That's a lot of people
Robert: Yeah it was Jeff's idea. Did you know he wants to be a warrior? Also, he guessed who won the melee! Hah, I gave him a good smack. The little shit...
>>
>>4748912
>>That and the fact that young Robert was still a drunken, whoring oaf, just less so.
>that's why I said his 'idealized' Robert, the gregarious warrior prince, not the drunken whoring asshole. Robert without his worst traits.

Something something the union between Cersei and Robert turned out to be the best idea because we only have the good traits of both. Yeah, it is a good narrative
>>
we should bring our 'brother' Edric Storm to court too
>>
>>4748824
>Younger siblings get headpats
>Jon
>Stannis
>Thoros

I do want to speak with the Red Priest, and him winning our name day tournament is simply the perfect time to do it.

It's also time to play mind games with a dead man and an autist.
>>
>>4748824
>Talk to Pycelle
>Talk to Myrcella
>Talk to Tyrion
>>
Dicking around with red priests can bring little good
>>
>>4749008
mostly agree
>>
>>4749041
we better Headpat Myrcella
>>
>>4749267
You know if you do that too often you'll go blind.
>>
trick has abandoned us
>>
>>4749280
lmao Trick dosen't post until the afternoon, idk what time zone that black woman is in but in ameriqueef est land it seems to be around the afternoon.
>>
>>4749280
ding dong bannu
>>
>>4749742
Shouldn't have done the tit for tat with the fatefags that got them seething in the qst general, even though it was like watching a dragon ball z episode with Trick and WhatIS,
>>
>>4749750
t. Coomer
>>
>>4749875
tourist
>>
>>4749875
>1 post by this ID

go back to you loli porn fanfiction quest
>>
>>4749888
Khornate trips have spoken.
>>
>>4749924

New thread's up!
>>
>>4749888
>what are dynamic ips

Dumb bitch
>>
>>4750018
poor fag.
>>
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>>4745575
Dragon cum, you say?
>>
>>4745665
>>4745668
So he has an undescended testicle?
>>
>>4745746
>for a 12 year old.
I thought we were fifteen?
>>
>>4738286
I don't know if the poem is written, but might as well add an idea for it: The rose that thwarted the mighty lion just to charm another.



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