After you wipe the sweat off your brow, Mary bursts in, clearly excited.M: "Dad! Dad! It's time! I got a call, and there's a bunch of monsters in the city!""What?!"She's far too chipper for this. Far too chipper.As you grab your bag and start tying your boots, Teresa comes up from the basement.T: "What's going on?">No time to explain, come with me!>Monster hunting, hold down the fort while we're out!
>>4745612>>No time to explain, come with me!
>>4745612>>Monster hunting, hold down the fort while we're out!She knows if she tries to book it we will hunt her down
>>4745612"Monster hunting, hold down the fort while we're out!"T: "W-wait, why didn't you tell me about this earlier?!""NotimetOEXPLAIN B Y E!"M: "All right dad, we're ready to go! Normally Diana or Cubey warps us there, but since it isn't a big threat today we get to do it ourselves!"Joy of joys, you get to spend money on gas! You're not actually that annoyed, but if you don't have to drive, why do so?>Give d20 rolls for speed. Low is good.
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>4748403
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>4748403
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>4748403
>>4750993Uh, wait, sorry. Actual post coming after this one.
>>4750993>>4750997>5 minute reaction time.As you get in the car and speed down the streets, you find yourself thankful for the town's small size and relative lack of traffic. You also find yourself thankful that the ongoing renovations to the road network aren't affecting your drive. The road network's been in construction limbo for at least a year now, and you bet it'll last at least another.But that's not the interesting bit is it? The interesting bit is that there's a giant mole in the Walmart parking lot.>Ramming Speed!>Get out of the car, go at it on foot.>Defer to your daughter's experience on the matter.
>>4751006>>Ramming Speed!We are a man of action.
>>4751006>>Ramming Speed!it worked once it will work again
>>4751006How big is this mole? I wouldn't want to smash up the car if it's big enough to mostly ignore the hit.
>>4753149Monster of the week sized, but not so big that it's only mostly going to destroy the Walmart if you don't intervene.
Rolled 8, 14, 26 = 48 (3d50)>>4751006>>4751037>>4751183You decide that, having worked so well on smaller creatures, it might just work well here."It" being ramming into the mole at high speed.Which...
Rolled 5, 13, 7 = 25 (3d15)>>4756702DEFINITELY pisses it off. You can't say you're quite so lucky as to kill the thing outright, but it's definitely stunned, and the truck is...
>>4756705Mostly fine, even if a bit worse for wear after the collision. You're probably going to want to give 'er a tune-up if you want to keep doing this though.>>Stay in the car>Kite the mole. It probably won't be able to keep up with you, and you don't want to damage the truck.>Wash, rinse, repeat. It works for your hair, it'll work for monster hunting.>>Get out of the car>Start shooting buckaroo, you have a pistol and the truck's not getting any less beat up.>You have the biggest pair of balls in the area, that's why you're going to use the sword to cut off the Mole's. If it has them, it might be a lady mole for all that you know.
>>4756727>>>Get out of the car>>Start shooting buckaroo, you have a pistol and the truck's not getting any less beat up.
>>4756727>>4756792>>4756801D20s& d10s, dear anons.
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>4757405
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>4757405
Rolled 6 (1d10)>>4757405>>4757775
>>4757492>>4757775It hits...>>4757780...But I need another roll, thank you very much. I attempted to streamline the process of rolling by rolling for to-hit and damage simultaneously but overestimated poster count.
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>4758966
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>4758966>>4761228I mean I meant a d10 but this is also great, thank you.
>>4757405>>4757492>>4757775>>4757780>>4761228>>4761235Now, you're not a weak man. And you're certainly not a cowardly one, and that's why you get out of the truck.But what you most certainly are, is human. And you have yet to meet the human that doesn't startle whenever a three (probably higher, your brain supplies) ton mole whips around and fucking screeches at you. Screeches. Do moles even make noises like that? You'll need to look it up.You'll also need to figure out how to buff out a bullet hole, because even if you didn't piss yourself (thankfully you're a bit too tough for that) it did throw off your aim far enough to damage your car.>Gun>GunX3>Run>Yell at your Daughter to GET MOVING THE MOLE'S ANGRY
>>4761464>Gunx3>Make a tactical retreat> >Yell at your Daughter to GET MOVING THE MOLE'S ANGRY
>>4761464>>GunX3>>Yell at your Daughter to GET MOVING THE MOLE'S ANGRY
Rolled 12, 17, 16 = 45 (3d20)>>4761464>>4764038>>4764565You decide that running is, currently, a good idea. Or at least backpedaling rapidly, as you call for your daughter to move. Which she thankfully does.(You have 3 shots left in the chamber.)>Roll a set of 2d10 for every d20 above a 12, please.
>>4765697>12 and above, rather.
Rolled 8, 2 = 10 (2d10)>>4765697
Rolled 5, 1 = 6 (2d10)>>4765697
Rolled 4, 9 = 13 (2d10)>>4765697
Rolled 6, 1 = 7 (2d10)>>4765697
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>4765697>>4765710>>4765722>>4765756>Total of 29 damage!> A bit over half as much as a literal car!Rolling for your Daughter...
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>4765853>Guess she got TOO excited.You decide to fire off a few rounds into the beast, which are mostly ineffective. Or they would be, if you'd only fired one.You don't. You fire as many as you can while still aiming, each of them hitting and reminding you that you might just be due a larger weapon.Mary, on the other hand, fires off a beam that wouldn't look out of place in a sci-fi movie... if it hadn't come out of a wand instead of a laser rifle or something.A shame it missed entirely.The Mole, on the other hand, is NOT happy about this and is taking a swing at you...
>>4765903>1d20, if it's higher you don't get hit.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>4765903
Rolled 7 (1d10)>>4765904
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>4765903
Rolled 6, 13 = 19 (2d20)>>4765951>oof>>4766067sorry man, too late.
>>4766501hey is this dead
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>4765903>>4765951>>4765995>>4766067>>4766501... And you get caught by the mole and tossed clean over the truck.You're fairly certain that the only reason you're not dead is the adrenaline in your system, actually. You've never been hurt this bad before.But you'll live, you're sure of it. Who else's going to take care of Mary...>rolling for her
>>4774123>kekNot herself, obviously. She's only 16, and you note there's a reason that she doesn't have a driver's license as her beam goes far wide of the mole, hitting the Walmart.You can't leave her behind.>Get up. You're going to fight die on your feet>Shoot. You can barely move, but you can take a shot.>Magic, maybe? You can barely move, but the spirit is willing.>Close your eyes.
>>4774138>>Magic, maybe? You can barely move, but the spirit is willing.WE'RE NOT FUCKING DYING TONIGHT
>>4774138>Magic, maybe? You can barely move, but the spirit is willing.
>>4774138>>Magic, maybe? You can barely move, but the spirit is willing.
>>4774138are you alive
>>4783586taking a vacation, formerly>>4774138>>4774336>>4774347>>4774462Magic. Magic is what caused all this, after a fashion. You hope to God it'll fix it.You pour your all into it. You don't even know what you're doing really, but you know that the mole's screaming again.God, you fucking hate that mole. You just want to wrap your hands around its neck and squee-CRuncHSCREEEEEEEEOh. Something happened.Mary's here now. Isn't that nice? She smells like dinner, too."..old on!"..? You're not old. Not yet.===You wake up in bed.Your daughter and one of her friends are looking over you.>What happened?>Turn over and go back to sleep.>Something else somehow appropriate for this situation.
>>4784450>>Turn over and go back to sleep.
>>4784450>Grumble more about being called old.>Turn over and go back to sleep.
>>4784450>>4784581>>4784640>>4784766You do the only thing you want to, nay, CAN do."-M not old..." you say, as you roll over and go back to sleep.She and her friend are up in an instant, she's trying to wake you up.Not that you'd even had the chance to sleep again, of course.>Continue being an ass and pretend to be asleep.>Fine, fine, time to get up. She's probably worried about you.
>>4787386>>Continue being an ass and pretend to be asleep.
>>4787386>Continue being an ass and pretend to be asleep>Try and snore obnoxiously loud
>>4787386>>4787460>>4787466Oh, you need to keep milking this. You almost never get the chance to pull this, so whenever you do you always take it.When you turn over, you think she's done and decided to let you rest.She's a smart cookie, she'll catch on.As she walks off to one of the chairs in the room, you take the perfect opportunity to snore comically loud.HHRRRRNNNKKKHHGHGGGHHGHHYou can't see it, but you know that she's whipped around and is giving you the stink eye.??: "I-Is he awake?"M: "No, He's CLEARLY" She's definitely facing you as she says that "Deep asleep. Just so far gone that he may as well be in a coma. We should abandon all hope now."Ahhh, that's your daughter.>Keep drawing this out, the only way this is ending is whenever you burst out in laughter.>Fine, Fine, Time to get up.>Get up, act like you didn't just do all of that.
>>4791606>Keep drawing this out, the only way this is ending is whenever you burst out in laughter.As a father our most basic instinct is to troll, so we must milk it for as long as possible.
>>4791606>>Keep drawing this out, the only way this is ending is whenever you burst out in laughter.
>>4791606>>4791656>>4791739>>4793008HRRRRRNNKKKKHGHGHGHHHHGGHHGYou just wish you could see the look on her face.M: "He's done for. Just listen to him."??: "H-He'll be fine Mary, stop it!"Does this girl have no sense of sarcasm?HAARRRNNNKKKKHNNNNNGGGGHHSSHHHSHM: "We should start shopping for a coffin now."??: "H-How can you say that about your own dad?"HRRRRNNNK-NK-NK-nk After that you can't hold it together. It's too hard not to, she's just utterly incapable of hearing the sarcasm and she sounds like she's about to start crying.You've laughed over having made children cry before, but that was because it was an accident.??: "Heeeey, were you two playing a trick on me? After getting that messed up?">Yes.>Remain silent, let Mary handle this while you stretch.
>>4799454>Competely deadpan “Yes” while looking them directly in the eyes.
>>4799475>>4799454>>Competely deadpan “Yes” while looking them directly in the eyes.
>>4799454>>4799475>>4799493>>4801107>>4803581You take a moment before speaking. It's about the delivery, after all."Yes."You can tell that the delivery's the important part, because that's what leaves them spluttering about how rude and mean it is.M: "I'm so glad you're okay, dad.">Give hug, ask what happened.>Give hug, get moving. You've got things to do, like figure out a way to prevent almost dying next time.
>>4808856>>Give hug, ask what happened.
>>4808856>Give hug, ask what happened.