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You’re STANLEY PARBLE: a girl with a weird name and an even weirder tale: after a centuries-old lich woke up during your graveyard shift at the GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONE factory, your simple life of janitorial work became a bit more… Complicated.

Sure, you became pals with your now-sentient skeleton (you named him LY) AND gained some nifty SUPER POWERS from eating MAGICAL BONE MARROW, but that doesn’t change the fact that your hometown of CLEARWATER, CALIFORNIA is overrun by HOMICIDAL SKELETONS Even worse, the guy in charge is dead-set on taking over the rest of the world while he’s at it! Not cool!

After taking several years ‘off’, you finally made the time to visit the local college: CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY. Before you could tour the campus, however, you and your pals came across the local survivors and a band of cutthroat SKELETON PIRATES-- the latter trying to kill you in a grandiose sporting event, the former having some history with a few of your pals. You didn’t just leave with a bitter taste in your mouth, however--a professor of the occult and the ringleader of the local SKELETON PIRATE cell pointed you in the direction of CLEARWATER’S FAVORITE TOURIST ATTRACTION: THE WAILING CAVERNS-- a network of sea caves purported to be the home of a fabled cure-all known as THE MERMAID’S TEAR.

Word on the street is that CAPTAIN ‘RED EYE’ MENDOZA, the pirate king and your next target, sent a team into the tunnels to retrieve the artifact. Normally you wouldn’t bother, but the bony buccaneer has grown paranoid from your successful hits on the other lieutenants--anyone trying to board his vessel will, according to your intel, be dragged into the depths by a SEA DEMON summoned by Mendoza’s devilishly-devious master. That tear, it seems, is your ticket.

Imagine your surprise, then, when your trip to the caves resulted in the discovery of an undersea civilization of MERMAIDS! Uncomfortably cheery and unquestionably subservient to an entity known only as THE DEEP MOTHER, an invitation to look around their city went sour when you were summoned to said Mother’s lair. The reason? Apparently you and your pals are ‘on trial’. It’s always something, isn’t it? Regardless of the outcome, THIS is where your story continues…

https://youtu.be/_wiwdlu-Zg0
>>
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>>4984288
Welcome to BONES QUEST--family-run and operated until someone buys us out! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Bones%20quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART! You make it, we display it!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.
>>
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“Shall we begin?”

Frozen in place on a stone platform bobbing in the wake provided by the row of waterfalls towering above you, you glance between the hordes of mermaids watching you and your team expectantly from platforms of their own as a gut-wrenching screech rips from behind the cascades of water!

It takes you a moment, but you think you’ve found the perfect response to the situation:

What the HELL are these freaks talking about!?

“I’d like the answer to that too!” Art shouts, white-knuckling his N4 RIFLE in his shaky, gloved hands. Syb, Mitzi, Tucker, Kiki, Eddie, and Gus nod in agreement--guess they aren’t too pleased about this either!

“It’s simple!” Replies Guppy as she runs a claw through her feathered magenta hair, “We’re here to determine your punishment, of course! THE DEEP MOTHER likes to run a tight ship down here, after all, and we’re not sharks!

The rest of the mermaids echo her last words filling the chamber with a booming echo. Man, imagine the acoustics if you brought a guitar down here!

“Not the time, Stan…” Sybil mutters, stuffing her glowing hands into her pockets as the guards sharing your platform lower their staves her way.

“So,” Guppy continues in a tone befitting the host of a kid’s educational program, “We’re going to ask some DEEP MOTHER-sanctioned questions and then we’ll be done!”

“And let me guess:” Tucker adds as his fellow student Kiki hefts her LIGHT MACHINE GUN, “If we’re guilty we get eaten.”

“Bubbling Barnacles, of course not!” Guppy shouts, seemingly appalled at the insinuation, “No, you’ll just be taken to the dungeon!”

You and the team let out a collective sigh of relief. After seeing how your acquaintance HADDOCK went in the last thread-

THE DEEP MOTHER is on a strict diet! If you’re guilty she’ll eat you all over the course of the next FEW HOURS! Starting wiiiiith….” Guppy pauses, appraising your group with her tongue stuck out in concentration, “Umm… You. You look juicy!”

Of course she’s pointing at you. Who else would it have been?

“Told ya’ we shoulda exercised more, cupcake.” Murmurs Ly from within the safety of your skin. You respond with an annoyed sigh--at least he’ll die with you!

>CONTD.
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>>4984295
“So uh,” Gus interjects while scratching his head, “Who’s gonna ask the questions, anyways?”

Guppy’s glowing eyes gleam brighter in response! “Glad you asked, human! I will have the honor of asking the questions! THE DEEP MOTHER will preside over the hearing, of course, but it would be rude to ask her to speak!”

“Yea,” Mitzi chuckles, “That would be barbaric.

“Don’t worry! I’ll be gentle!” Guppy giggles as she sends a wink your way! “Shall we begin, humans? Best to get started before Mother grows hungry--err… Hungrier!”

What say you?
>FINE, ASK AWAY!
>HOLD ON--I WANNA ASK YOU SOMETHING FIRST!
>JUST SCREAM FOR TALBOT--YOUR BODYGUARD WILL SURELY HEAR YOU!
>RUN FOR IT! YOU CAN PROBABLY SWIM AWAY IF YOU’RE QUICK!
>FIGHT! YOU DON’T HAVE STRENGTH IN NUMBERS, BUT…
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4984299
>>FINE, ASK AWAY!

We should still find a way to subtly call for Talbot if we can. Also welcome back, Bones!
>>
>>4984321
>ASK ME THE QUESTIONS, I'M NOT AFRAID!

Writing! And thanks--it felt weird not updating for a few days, even if it was a short while! Glad you're back as well!
>>
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The more the situation sinks in, the more you wish your KNIGHT-IN-SHINING TRENCHCOAT: TALBOT would swoop in and start busting heads! Part of you wants to shout his name a few times--lord knows the guy gets mixed up--but the eldritch horror currently debating whether or not to eat you causes you to reconsider. Besides, that big lug’s found you before--with luck he’s already burrowing downwards for a dramatic entrance!

Clinging to your hopeful fantasies for dear life, you finally respond to the fish girl in front of you with a shrug--sure, you grunt, you’ll answer the questions!

YAY!” She squeals, hopping up and down on her fishy tail a few times, “It’ll be quick--I swear!

“It’d better be.” Art hisses, shooting an uncertain glance towards the waterfalls. “Don’t wanna be around when mom gets the ‘munchies’...”

“Okay!” Guppy begins, prompting the other mermaids to shut the hell up, “These questions were provided by THE DEEP MOTHER, so please answer them as best you can! The way you answer might affect the results!”

Another cave-shaking shriek rips from behind the waterfalls, prompting Guppy to add one more shaky addendum: “R-right! Whatever you do, DON’T LIE! Mother knows when people lie--it’s the truth!”

Damn it, there goes your plan!

QUESTION 1: WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Oh boy… If you had to answer you’d probably say…

>YOU’RE CHASING SOME PIRATE SKELETONS!
>YOU WANT TO SAVE THE TOWN!
>YOU GOT LOST ON THE WAY TO THE BATHROOM!
>YOU DON’T REMEMBER! YOU HAVE BRAIN PROBLEMS--DERRR!
>WHY DOES SHE THINK YOU’RE HERE?
>STAY SILENT!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>4984427
>>YOU WANT TO SAVE THE TOWN!

Probably the most-guaranteed not to make us become a STAN-wich!
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>>4984434
>SAVE THE TOWN, DUH!

Writing!
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You answer the mermaid’s first question confidently--isn’t it obvious? You’re here to SAVE CLEARWATER! And maybe the world, while you’re at it! You certainly didn’t come down here for a social call!

Guppy’s smile falters a bit as another screech echoes from behind the waterfall. “I see… How is your town saved by your visit, though?”

Look, you’re not about to explain the whole plot again--all you can say is that you need to get to CAPTAIN MENDOZA, and your best chance is tracking down some skeletons that ran down here! Another shriek reverberates around the underground lake!

“... Whoops! You’re too late--Mother found and ate them all already! Yikes!”

In that case, you groan, why the hell are you still here?! You don’t have time to play TWENTY QUESTIONS-- you’ve got a town to save! You keep all your stuff there!

“Hmmm… So you’re trying to save the humans, huh?” Guppy pauses and lets whatever’s lying beyond the waterfalls groan for a solid minute. “Sorry, human, but Mother has really enjoyed the lack of boats and humans in the sea lately--less noise, more fish! It’s been great!”

Maybe for them, you snap! Your life has been complete and utter crap since this all happened! Granted, you received some cool super powers and met some people you don’t exactly hate, but STILL!

“Mother wishes you could see the big picture, human…” Guppy translates with a sheepish grin on her face. “In the grand scheme of things it’s really better for everyone if all the humans are wiped out--skeletons don’t eat fish, after all!”

Oh don’t start spewing that Liberal bullshi-

“Moving oooon~! QUESTION 2: WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ON FISH?

The interruption earns a confused blink from you. Seriously?

“Seriously! Answer the question, human!”

Dang it. Fine… If you had to answer that you’d say…

>YOU HATE FISH! NO THANK YOU!
>YOU’RE CURRENTLY ON A LEGENDARY QUEST TO FIND ONE, ACTUALLY!
>YOU LOVE ‘EM! CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF ‘EM!
>IF SHE WAS IN YOUR SHOES, WHAT WOULD SHE SAY?
>STAY SILENT!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>4984488
>>YOU’RE CURRENTLY ON A LEGENDARY QUEST TO FIND ONE, ACTUALLY!
>IF SHE WAS IN YOUR SHOES, WHAT WOULD SHE SAY?
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>>4984490
>LUDWIIIIIIG
>BUT ALSO WHAT WOULD SHE SAY?

Writing!
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You’d say that it’s funny they bring that up, actually-

“Stan,” Syb hisses as she sends a look your way that could turn a lesser janitor to stone, “DON’T.

AS you were saying, you continue, you’re currently on a MYSTICAL QUEST to-

STAN!

In a JIFF! You were just telling THE DEEP MOTHER that you’re currently questing to find LUDWIG--THE LEGENDARY FUR-BEARIN’ CATFISH! She can check your QUEST LOG for more details! Holding your COMPANY-ISSUED BLACKBERRY out for the creature to see, it slowly dawns upon you that she isn’t going to look.

“Yes, well… Assuming you do find this fish, human, what exactly will you do with it?”

You open your mouth to respond, but nothing comes out--what will you do? Now that the mermaid mentions it, you feel like a dog chasing a car--who knows what you’d do if you caught the infamous LUDWIG!

If you had to respond, though--wait, is this another question?

The entity behind the waterfall gurgles menacingly.

“... Nope, just a follow-up!” Guppy reports with a renewed smile!

In that case…

>YOU’LL JUST TAKE A PICTURE, THEN RELEASE!
>YOU’RE STUFFIN’ THAT THING!
>MAYBE KEEP IT IN AN AQUARIUM OR SOMETHING? DOES YOUR APARTMENT ALLOW PETS?
>YOU AREN’T SURE YET, BUT YOU’LL KNOW!
>YOU’RE GONNA EAT HIM AND GAIN HIS POWER!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>4984566
>YOU’RE GONNA EAT HIM AND GAIN HIS POWER!
Mermaids eat fish
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>>4984566

>YOU’RE GONNA EAT HIM AND GAIN HIS POWER!
>>
>>4984566
>YOU’RE GONNA EAT HIM AND GAIN HIS POWER!
>>
>>4984571
>>4984576
>>4984591
>POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR

Writing!
>>
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Duh! You’re gonna EAT him and gain his FISH POWER! It’s worked so far with the bones of those other lieutenants-

“Stan!”

A fish like that should work the same, right? Planting your hands on your hips with a smug grin plastered on your face, you await a response from your awestruck questioner!

“W-wow!” Guppy sputters, prompting the rest of the mermaids to follow suit, “Sorry, human, but I’m SHOCKED!

Yep, you chuckle, you know a thing or two about mermaids! Number 1: they eat FISH! Number 2… Well okay, you know a thing.

“Well yes, we do eat fish!” Guppy explains as the rest of the crowd giggles, “We eat them to eventually feed THE DEEP MOTHER with their energy! Can’t let it go to waste, can we?”

As if on cue, another TENTACLE emerges from the waterfalls and snags what amounts to a handful of mermaids! Retreating to its source with prey in tow, your conversation is interrupted by a series of loud crunches and smacks! Eeesh…

“... Just like that! Don’t worry about me, though--I’ll be able to stay around until at least a few minutes after your trial!” Guppy adds with a wink! “THE DEEP MOTHER promised she wouldn’t eat me until after! Nifty, huh?”

“Dese’ gals are messed up…” Ly mutters, earning a nod from you.

“In any case, that’s extremely generous of you, human! If Mother spares you, she’d love to try this ‘Lug Weegh’ of yours! Don’t worry--we’ll track you down later!”

“Does that mean we’re free?” Art asks, eyes cemented on the red cloud drifting from the base of the falls. Guppy shakes her head.

“Nope, but don’t worry--it’ll be over soon!”

ONE MORE THING, you interject! If she was in your position, how would she have answered that fish question? The fish girl responds by giving you a sly look.
Dohoho~, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to TELL MOTHER WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR, would you? That would be VERY dishonest indeed!”

No, you stammer as a drool-covered rib floats past your platform, you’re just uh… It’s a hypodermic question!

Hypothetical.” Syb adds helpfully.

“In that case, we would have said the same thing you did!” Guppy announces with a toothy grin! “Time for the next question! Ready? QUESTION 3: WHY DID YOU CLIMB THROUGH THE BARRICADE LEADING TO OUR CAVES?

D’OH! You KNEW this would come up! Turning to your pals, you find all of their eyes watching you expectantly! Damn it, what’s the point of running a gang when you have to do all the hard stuff?!

>ERR, IT WAS OPEN!
>IT WASN’T MARKED!
>YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM!
>ART PRESSURED YOU INTO IT!
>STAY SILENT!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>4984615
>YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM!
Mermaids ALSO pee in water! Checkmate!
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>>4984615
>>YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM!
>>
>>4984619
>>4984624
>BATHROOM!

Writing!
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Wasn’t it obvious? You were looking for the BATHROOM! Perplexed at your answer, the chamber quickly fills with hushed chatter among the spectators.

“Th-the bathroom?” Guppy asks while the creature behind the falls remains silent.

DUH! They’ve clearly been upstairs before--did they see a sign up there that said ‘RESTROOM?’ Your questioner stares at you as if it will make you drop the subject. It doesn’t. Folding your arms across your chest, you lean in even closer! How the hell are you supposed to be blamed if there’s no proper directions to the nearest restroom? Art almost peed his pants!

The security guard sends a scowl your way before seeing where you’re going. “No I did-err, yea, actually! It was quite the emergency.”

SEE?! You ask, giving Guppy an incredulous look! They really need to work on things if they don’t want people coming down here--if they think this is bad, just wait until TOURIST SEASON-

“You’re absolutely right, human!” Guppy interrupts with renewed cheer in her voice! “If we had done a better job, all of you humans would have never stumbled down here!” A series of gurgles and groans emerges from behind the waterfall prompting the fish girl to nod in thought. “Yes.... Mother is right--this is a much better way than hunting at the beaches…”

“Come again?” Mitzi interjects, planting her hands on her hips angrily.

“Nothing! Nothing!” Guppy fires back! “In any case, was there anything else you wanted to add, Mother?”

A gutteral clicking noise reverberates around the cavern walls sending a chill down your bones. Nodding in agreement, the mermaid claps her claws together eagerly!

“All done! Mother is ready to make her decision, but she asks if YOU have any final statements to make!”

All eyes fall on you. Dang it, you were never really good at speeches! Clearing your throat, you whip up a quick list in your mind of possible closing statements. The question is, which one is best?

>YOU’RE GONNA REGRET THIS, FISH!
>WE’RE DOING THIS FOR EVERYONE!
>YOU’LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST, FREAKS! (RUN FOR IT)
>ANY CHANCE YOU CAN EAT (INSERT PAL HERE) FIRST?
>STAY SILENT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4984770
>WE’RE DOING THIS FOR EVERYONE!
Ya think they are just gonna stop at land? They have two boss men working the oceans! Tim wants it all!
>>
>>4984770

>WE’RE DOING THIS FOR EVERYONE!
>>
>>4984773
>>4984789
>WE'RE DOING THIS FOR EVERYONE!
WRITING!
>>
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Clearing your throat, you step forward a bit not to address Guppy, but the horrible creature dwelling behind the falls. You can kinda see where this is going, but you wouldn’t be a protagonist if you didn’t give a rallying speech every now and then!

“Oh no...” Ly mutters under his breath.

Oh YES! So listen up, Mom, because you’ve got a newsflash fresh off the news… Trees: does she really think the skeletons are gonna just leave her alone? More to the point, does she think those boneheads are gonna TASTE good!?

THE DEEP MOTHER gurgles a response. You see Guppy move to speak, but you cut her off--it’s YOUR turn, dang it! They may think they’re safe all the way down here, but look what’s happening now! YOU found this place and so did those boneheads--they aren’t going to call it quits just because a few guys went missing! Hell, they’ve got two people working the ocean, and one of them is apparently from Atlanta or something--point is, these skeletons aren’t messing around!

The whole chamber is silent save for your ranti-err, speech. Making a wide gesture to your listeners, you prepare to take things home: she may eat today, yes, but who can say what tomorrow brings? Or the day after that? Or the day after that? Or the day aft-

“Leapin’ lampreys, what a speech!” Guppy exclaims, rudely cutting you off! “Very nice job, human--let’s see what Mother has decided!”

You give Gus a fist-bump as you return to your spot in the middle of the platform. That oughta do ‘er! In response to your speech, the terror behind the falls fills the chamber with a low roar that sends ripples across the lake! Giving her master an understanding nod, Guppy turns to you with a cheerful, albeit still very toothy, smile!

“You’re something else, human--Mother can see that you glow with a powerful inner strength!”

You snort--was there ever any doubt?

“In honor of that, Mother has made her decision!” Guppy continues, clapping her claws together excitedly! “You will DEFINITELY be the first one eaten! Congratulations!”

D’OH!

>CONTD.
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>>4984845
A pit forms in your stomach and the color drains from your face as the mermaids around you erupt into cheers! Flabbergasted, Art cautiously raises his hand in the air.

“Erm, question--didn’t you say this was a trial to determine guilt? As weird as it feels to say it, I think Stan did a decent job of defending her actions…”

Thanks, Ar-HEY!

The mermaid shakes her head back and forth like a bobblehead! “Oh no-no-NO! Mother already knew you were guilty--we happen to have a very strict ‘All Visitors Are Eaten’ rule, that’s all! She just wanted to determine HOW guilty you are!”

“How the heck does THAT change things?!” Mitzi shouts as her hand hovers over that SCIENCEY GUN you gave her!

“Well if you were REALLY guilty you’d sit in the dungeon for a few days!” Guppy explains in a teacher’s voice. “You know… Just for enough time to think about your actions. You’re lucky though: you get to be eaten SOON! Ohhh, I’m so jealous!”

These guys are nuts. Absolutely NUTS.

“Mother will eat the skeletons too, of course, but she just can’t pass up on some good WILD MAGIC when she smells it! Mmm! Tasty!”

Before you can protest, you feel something tugging your platform lower into the water--the lake water slowly lapping at your feet. At the same time, the guards and mermaids draw their STORM STICKS and point the tips at the water.

“Well then, we’d best get you prepared--don’t want to get to the DUNGEONS only to have to come back immediately, right?” Guppy giggles, retrieving her own STORM STICK. “You’ll come quietly, right? It’s such a pain dragging unconscious humans over there!”

What say you?
>... *DIVE INTO THE WATER AND START SWIMMING!*
>SHOUT FOR TALBOT! HERE BOY!
>FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT! SOMEHOW!
>COOPERATE. YOU’LL MAKE A PLAN ONCE YOU’RE IN THE DUNGEON.
>ONE MORE QUESTION! (WRITE-IN!)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4984846
That's all for this evening, folks--regardless of what happens I think I'm a bit too sleepy to write it tonight! Should be ready for more MONDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>4984846
>COOPERATE. YOU’LL MAKE A PLAN ONCE YOU’RE IN THE DUNGEON.
I guess we gotta see what we can whip up from our bag of tricks to get outta here.
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>>4984846
>>COOPERATE. YOU’LL MAKE A PLAN ONCE YOU’RE IN THE DUNGEON.

AAAAAAAAHHHHH CRAPPPPP I HOPE TALBOT HAS SUPER HEARING
>>
...I'm completely in favor of destroying their magic coral now.
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>>4984846
>COOPERATE. YOU’LL MAKE A PLAN ONCE YOU’RE IN THE DUNGEON.
>>4984941
Let's not forget stealing their healing pearl and whatever else we think is useful
>>
>>4984867
>>4984874
>>4984979
>COOPERATE!

>>4984941
Who knows? You might get your chance!

Writing!
>>
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As the figurative ‘walls’ close in around your rapidly-worsening situation, you look around the chamber and your teammates one more time before making your decision known with a resigned sigh--fine, you groan, but let the record show that this crap is FAR from over!

“Awwww, I wanted to zap you…” Grumbles one of the guards as you feel the platform rise to the water’s surface again. Time enough for that, you grunt.

“S-so what… We’re just going to be stuffed into a cell until snack time? Like leftovers?!” Eddie sputters, glaring at you in disbelief! “Come on, Stan--we can take ‘em!”

“No,” Syb replies in a measured tone, “We can’t. Not now, anyways…”

Relax, you add, this is all part of the PLAN! Giving your doubtful pals a knowing wink, your balance is challenged as the water below your ‘raft’ shifts and flows downwards! Like a leaf in a rain gutter, the platform glides towards a newly-unflooded tunnel!

“Next stop: JAIL!” Guppy giggles. “Please keep your arms and fins inside the vehicle at all times!”

The guards and a few other mermaid stowaways enforce the rule by keeping their STORM STICKS trained on your team. Standing like statues, Art shoots you a sideways look.

“Just wanna say, Stan: it’s really cool of you to take one for the team and get eaten first.”

Shut it, nerd!

The rest of the raft ride continues in silence save for the sound of water lapping at your heels and rushing down the tunnel. For a moment you consider punching a few holes with your LASER EYE, but then you remember you’re underwater--you don’t want your clothes getting wet again!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4985470
Just when the trip starts turning into a blur, you’re jerked from your daydreaming by your raft… rising?!

Emerging from the tunnel, you and the rest of the passengers brace yourselves as the passage floods once more. As a side effect, the platform rises upwards through a pipe of dizzying proportions lit only by a scant few crystals embedded in the metal!

“Pretty neat, right?” Guppy asks, gesturing at the walls. “Not even a mermaid can hold their breath long enough to escape through here, and believe me--they’ve tried!

The guards share a knowing laugh as your raft approaches a landing up above. Reaching the top of the pipe, your ride continues a bit further into what you assume to be the prison proper: smooth, yet solid stone walls box you in while a network of pipes litter the ceiling above! Now that you think about it-

“Don’t think about it! Those are full of water--try to creep through and you’ll be a bloated mess before dinner! Yuck!”

“Okay, gotta ask: why do you know so much about this prison?” Mitzi asks your guide, whose eyes light up at the question.

“I thought you’d never ask! Y’see, when a prisoner tries to escape, they send mermaids like me to hunt them down!” She explains excitedly. “Most escapees die here, but if they get out, well… I get to find them!”

“... And bring them back, huh?” Gus asks, raising an eyebrow her way. The mermaid responds with a giggle.

“Nope! Just their bodies! Mother hates when people run, so I have to rough ‘em up a bit first so they learn their lesson!” A sheepish look forms on the fish girl’s face. “Buuut I’m still pretty lousy at the whole ‘keeping them alive’ thing. It’s a lot of fun, though! Heeeey, you guys should try to escape! Then I could see you again before you return to Mother!”

“That’s alright, but thanks for the offer.” Mitzi shrugs, causing the mermaid to pout. As if on cue, your ride finally reaches what appears to be a docking area crowded with dozens of staff-wielding guards!

“Here we are!” Guppy chirps, gesturing to your welcoming committee! “My sisters will take your baggage and direct you to your rooms! Sorry, but we’ve only got SINGLE SUITES!

“Wait, so you’re splitting us up?” Art asks, shooting an uncertain glance towards Syb.

“Yep!” Guppy grins. “Can’t have all the humans in one cell block--wouldn’t want you all to plan, right?”

“No,” Sybil grumbles, “That wouldn’t be fair at all.”

“See? You get it!” the mermaid laughs! Before you can protest, the guards swarm your platform! Despite all the confusion, you spot ONE of your pals being dragged in the same direction as you:

>ART
>SYB
>MITZI
>TUCKER
>EDDIE
>KIKI
>GUS
>>
>>4985471
>SYB
With her Magic, and our.... Much less predictable magic. We'll have this in the bag. A mermaid might not be able to hold their breath long enough, BUT A FISH CAN! Hold... Their... breath...
>>
>>4985471
>SYB
Let's plan some magic cheese.
>>
>>4985476
>>4985484
>MAKIN' MAGIC!

WRITING!
>>
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“Get your claws off me! I can walk!” A part of you is relieved when you see your Goth pal being marched in the same direction as you, but not everyone’s pleased as punch…

“Are you kidding me?! You’re taking them together!?” Art shouts as he and Mitzi are taken the other way.

“Keep it up, Artie, and I’ll sell you for a cigarette or two.” Mitzi growls. Before anyone else can protest, you and Syb are ushered down a maze of rough-cut hallways and cells carved directly into the cavern walls--the later stuffed with haggard-looking mermaids. Sensing a spectacle, your new jailmates reach through the bars in an attempt to grasp at you, but their attempts are cut short by a few pokes from the guard’s staves!

“OH BOY, PAIN!”
“ZAP ME! ZAP ME!”

Despite the inmate’s requests, the guards don’t stop for anything. As a fork in the corridor approaches, Sybil shoots you a sideways glance.

“Stan, you don’t happen to have my DOLL, do you?”

Shrugging off a guard’s shove, you nod--that creepy one, right? You think you have it around somewh-

“Quit talking!” Commands one of your escorts as she smacks the back of your head with her staff! As you and your pal are taken down separate paths, however, you linger just long enough to see Syb give you a mischievous grin. That should be a good sign, right?

Passing through a series of raised stone gates, you grimace as your path is covered in ankle-deep brackish water! Soaking your shoes, you’re finally directed to what appears to be some kind of office filled with several tall CRYSTALS and walls lined withSTAFF RACKS. You can even see a few LEVERS on a nearby table, but your investigation is cut short by another love tap to the back of your head! Are they TRYING to give you brain problems?!

“Place your belongings in the BASKET, human, and don’t even think of hiding anything!” Commands one of your tour guides as she points her staff towards a nearby receptacle. Sloshing over through ankle-deep water, you send an uncertain glance in the direction of your captors--can you at least keep your CLOTHES?

FINE! Just hurry up!” Snaps a guard as she smacks the ground with her stick a few times! “We’ve got deadlines to keep, human!”

In that case…
>DEPOSIT EVERYTHING IN YOUR INVENTORY!
>DROP EVERYTHING BUT SYB’S DOLL!
>DROP IT ALL EXCEPT FOR YOUR MOP!
>REMOVE EVERYTHING BUT YOUR SNEAKY BOX!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4985532
>DEPOSIT EVERYTHING IN YOUR INVENTORY!
I think I know what Syb's planning.
>>
>>4985532
>DEPOSIT EVERYTHING IN YOUR INVENTORY!
>>
>>4985532
>>DEPOSIT EVERYTHING IN YOUR INVENTORY!
>>
>>4985532
>>DEPOSIT EVERYTHING IN YOUR INVENTORY
>>
>>4985562
>>4985566

Oh crap. 4chan voted twice again.
>>
>>4985538
>>4985543
>>4985562
>DROP IT ALL!

WRITING!

>>4985572
Now you've done it, you freak shit: I've already notified Chan Police: /qst/ Division.
>>
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>>4985590

Too late-- they got me! I'm writing this from my cell right now, and I have not been given bail. Press F to pay a "samefagger" some respeccs.

real scoop: actually was a captcha glitch
>>
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You’ve known Syb for far too long to not suspect something from that smug look she gave you, and her mention of that creepy doll she used to talk and move through connects a few frayed wires inside your head. Ordinarily you’d try to hang on to a thing or two, but you opt to be a ‘Good Girl’ this time around--after all, you’ve got a few tricks up your sleeve even without the mountain of items shuffling around in your pockets!

It takes a few minutes, but with enough time and another bin helpfully provided by one of your guards, you manage to empty your inventory of everything! Finished, you give your captors a ‘ta-da’ gesture as they look on in mixed admiration and horror.

“Erm… Th-that will do, human!” Mutters one of the guards. “This way now--time to get you moved in!”

You look at the bins one last time, focusing for a moment on the ratty-looking doll with purple highlights in its hair. Yes, you muse to yourself, that will do just fine!

“Somethin’ tells me we ain’t stayin’ long.” Ly adds, punctuating his sentence with a menacing chuckle. You allow yourself a wry smirk as well as the guardmaids direct you towards your new abode.

And what an abode it IS! Situated at the end of a few scenic waterlogged corridors past several frightening-looking neighbors, your trip comes to a close in front of a flooded cell barely big enough for a person, much less someone of your importance! Yanking the barred door open, your guards gently coax you in by jabbing your back with their staves! Say what you will about the pain--electric shock is one hell of a motivator!

Splashing into your new home, you frown at the layer of water lapping at your knees as you get settled in--how the heck are you supposed to sleep in here?!

“You AREN’T!” Sneers one of the guards as she slams your door shut! “Don’t worry, human--we’ll be back later for your ’RECREATION’ SESSION!

Leaning against the wall, you direct your scowl at your welcoming committee. What’s that supposed to mean? All you get in response is a series of giggles. “You’ll see! PERIWINKLE, you’ll be collected soon too!”

It takes you a minute to realize they’re talking to the inmate in the adjacent cell. Before you can question your captors any further, they’re already slithering down the hall! Letting out a resigned sigh, you glance around your flooded, barren cell and contemplate your next move--do you even have one?

>TRY TO EMPTY THE WATER!
>CHAT UP THE OTHER PRISONER!
>EXERCISE? YOU’VE GOT TIME!
>TEST THE BARS ON THE DOOR!
>TALK TO LY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4985656
>TALK TO LY!
Get to scouting Skeleton boy, we have work to do. I wonder what that guard is talking about?
>>
>>4985656
>TALK TO LY!
>>
>>4985667
>>4985672
>TALK TO LY!

Writing!
>>
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First thing’s first: peeking through the bars to make sure the coast is clear, you whisper Ly’s name a few times to get his attention. Is he there!?

“Never left, cupcake.” Your skeleton mutters. “And while we’re on da’ subject, what da’ heck are we gonna do now!?”

What does he think? Snapping your fingers a few times, you motion for him to get searchin’--the sooner you get the lay of the land, the faster you’re out of this hellhole! Ly groans in protest from the safe confines of your flesh.

“You kiddin’ me?! How many times do I gotta’ tell ya’?! There’s some kinda whinin’ out there an’ it hurts!”

Gee, you can totally relate! Speaking of pain, does he know what hurts more than some made-up noise? GETTING EATEN! Ly counters with an angry sigh!

“Cripes, fine! Just don’t get mad when yer’ head explodes like in dat’ one movie!”

If he spent as much effort in doing what you asked as he did complaining, you’d be back on the surface by now! Angrily tapping your foot on the flooded floor of your cell, you snap your fingers a few times to get Ly moving--your shoes are gonna be ruined at this rate!

With an irritated ‘yeah, yeah…’ Ly emerges from your body in his eerily-glowing ASTRAL PROJECTION FORM! Like the diva he is, your skeleton immediately grits his teeth and clutches the side of his skull! Oh boy, you sigh, here we go again…

“Yer’ sympathy is touching.” Ly spits as he glances around the cell. “I’m tellin’ ya, Stan--dis’ place an’ magic don’t go well together! You think it’s dat DEEP MOTHER or somethin’?”

You think that it won’t matter much when she has you for DINNER! Hurry up and scout!

If Ly has more to say, he doesn’t say it. Disappearing into the walls, he leaves you to muck about in your cell for a while before rushing back into your skin! Well?

“I’m fine, thanks fer’ askin’.” Ly reports with only a smidge of sarcasm. “Standard prison setup, Stan--we’ve got plenty of guards, even more inmates, an’ no sign of Syb--guess dat’ was on purpose.”

You frown at that last bit. Does he think they knew who she was? Ly borrows your shoulders to shrug. “Call me paranoid, but dat’ SECURITY STATION’S just outta my reach too--if they do know about our magic tricks, they’re bein’ just da’ right amount a’ subtle about it!”

Not eager to entertain that possibility, you ask Ly if he picked up anything else!

“Well,” he mutters, “It might just be me, but I thought I saw some BONES under da’ water in here… Looked piratey.

Well that’s something. What’s next?

>FIND THE BONES!
>CHAT WITH THE PRISONER!
>TELL LY TO POSSESS SOMEONE!
>TEST THE BARS ON THE DOOR!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4985902
>>TEST THE BARS ON THE DOOR!
>>
>>4985902
>CHAT WITH THE PRISONER!
>>
>>4986067
>>4985902

Changing to this to get things moving.

>>4985471
>Not even a mermaid can hold their breath long enough to escape through here

Remember when we threw that unconscious mermaid back into the water?
>tfw we're cold-blooded killers
>>
>>4986067
>>4986078
>CHAT WITH THE PRISONER!

WRITING!
>>
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>>4986078
Tunes related: https://youtu.be/Ag1o3koTLWM

Before you start messing around with anything else, you might as well get to know the person next to you, right? Giving the wall a few raps with your fist, you ask if anyone’s home!

“Well hi there! Yep, PERIWINKLE’S here!” A cheerful voice to your right reports! “You can just call me ’PERI’, though!”

Peri, huh? You’re Stan!

“Pleased to meetcha’! Kind of!” Peri giggles. “I heard you talking to yourself--do you have an imaginary friend or something?”

You respond with a shrug, then remember that you can’t see each other. Yep, you mutter, you tend to talk to yourself!

“That’s okay! We all do different things to keep sane, right? Especially in here!”

She can say that again… How long has she been in here, anyways? The voice pauses as if it were counting out the time on its fingers. “Hm… A few days now, probably! Easy to lose track! Guess that makes me a veteran prisoner, huh?”

“Considerin’ da’ turnover and da’ punishments, I guess it does.” Ly remarks, earning a nod from you. Yea, she must know a lot!

“I suppose! Hey Stan--you wanna chat with me before I get picked up by the guards?”

Sure, you reply! Do you have time for that?

“They should come back soon, but we can probably talk about THREE things!”

The question is, you mutter to yourself, what do you DISCUSS?

>HAS SHE SEEN SKELETONS AROUND HERE?
>ANY ESCAPE PLANS?
>WHAT’S SHE IN FOR, ANYWAYS?
>WHAT THIS ‘RECREATION’ THING?
>HOW HAS SHE NOT BEEN PUNISHED YET?
>WHAT DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE DEEP MOTHER?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4986218
>WHAT THIS ‘RECREATION’ THING?
>>
>>4986218
>>WHAT’S SHE IN FOR, ANYWAYS?
>>WHAT THIS ‘RECREATION’ THING?
>ANY ESCAPE PLANS?

"Hypothetical" escape plans.
>>
>>4986224
>>4986240
>RECREATION, ESCAPE, AND WHAT SHE'S IN FOR!

Writing! This might be the last update of the evening, but we'll see!
>>
Something about that ’Recreation’ talk rubbed you the wrong way, so you start with that: what exactly does that entail? Even though you can’t see her face, you can practically taste the excitement in PERI’S voice!

“Oh, you’re gonna LOVE it! It’s really how everyone blows off steam down here--prisoners, guards, everyone!

Sounds magical, you remark, but what the hell is it? If they think they can make you do CHIN-UPS then they can think again!

“It’s even better than that!” Peri gushes! “First they take you out of your cell, right? Then they take you to to THE YARD! It sounds like it’s outside, but it isn’t--it’s just a big area for prisoners to run around in!”

You knew there’d be running involved. DAMN IT!

“Oh yea, there’s some running!” Explains the mermaid! “They give you a few seconds as a head start, then the guards all gang up and start zapping you! If you’re lucky they do it until you pass out!”

You know she can’t see you, but you blink anyways. Come again?

“Yep--it’s a blast! You can even attack some of the other inmates too, if you’re lucky--I stole a stick off of a guard once… Let’s just say they won’t be poking me again anytime soon! Or anyone, for that matter!”

“Oh good, dis’ one is kooky too.” Ly remarks. Ignoring him, you ask your new friend how often this happens.

“Oh, hard to tell when there’s no clocks! Lots, from what I’ve seen--apparently it makes Mother’s food more tender!”

You slump a little lower down the wall of your cell. Sounds great.

“Words don’t do it any justice, trust me!” The mermaid says with a laugh! “Just don’t get ganged-up on--don’t wanna pass out too early!”

Yep, you sigh, you wouldn’t want that…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4986462
Now that you think about it, you’d rather not deal with that at all! That said, if you could somehow use this RECREATION TIME to your advantage…

“Say, you talkin’ to yourself again, Stan?” PERI asks. Quickly changing the subject, you ask the fish girl if, hypothermically-speaking, she had ever considered escaping.

“You’ll get it some day, cupcake.” Ly mutters.

Escape?PERI asks in a tone way too loud for quiet conversation, “Of course! They’re gonna feed me to Mother eventually, but I have sooo many important things to do before that! Hey--maybe you can help me!”

Focus, fishy--if she was gonna escape, how would she do it?

“Well the tunnels back to the PALACE are a no-go, trust me!” She explains. “They were designed for tricky folks, y’see--escapees think they can leave through the MAINTENANCE TUNNELS and such, but that’s how they get ya!”

“Dat’ is our usual M.O, Stan.” Ly adds, earning a nod from you as well. Is she seriously saying that the vents aren’t the best option?! It’s always worked for you!

“They’re too long, Stan! I’ve talked about it with other inmates before--if you don’t drown, you’ll cook--the water in there is way too hot!”

So the subtle routes are a no-go, gotcha. What’s the best way out, then?

“If it were me, I’d just start a RIOT and head out the front!” Explains your fellow inmate. “The entrance is submerged, but if you can swim back to the rest of FLOTSAM…

And what if you can’t swim that far? You growl!

“Well it’s easy for a mermaid! No idea how a human would do it!” PERI muses! “Maybe you could find a BUBBLE or something! There’s a DEPOT near the entrance that guards use!”

A grin creeps across your face. When she puts it like that, it sounds pretty easy!

“Well I guess there’s also the SECURITY GATES, DEAD ENDS, AND FLOOD CONTROLS... Aside from those and the angry guards, yea--it’s pretty simple!”

An uncomfortable silence forms between you two as you mull the idea over in your head. A riot, huh?

“Hey, I just had an idea--if you plan on breaking out, would you mind freeing me too?”

That depends!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4986465
You’re not 100% certain, but you’re pretty sure it’s considered impolite to not ask an inmate what they’re in for! In the interest of politeness, you extend the question to your neighbor! What’s she in here for anyways--Mom Food?

“Hahaha, close! You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, though!”

You respond with a friendly chuckle--guess you won’t know until she tells you, then!

“Well okay!” PERI relents. “I actually used to be one of Mother’s guards, if you can believe it! My job was to make sure her food didn’t run away!”

You nod--kinda like your old pal GUPPY, then.

“Sure! Anyways, I was bringing someone to the palace one day when out of the blue came an idea!”

You press your face closer to the dividing wall. Idea?

“Mhm! There I was escorting a mermaid to Mother knowing full well that maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day I’D be eaten too! That’s just how it is down here when Mother doesn’t have anything else to snack on!”

Kinda morbid, you grunt, but you kinda get it. So what happened?

“Well it got me thinkin’: Mother’s strong, beautiful, and smart, right?” The mermaid asks in earnest.

You’ll uh… You’ll take her word for it.

“It just doesn’t sound fair, does it? I wanted to be strong, beautiful, and smart too! So I did the only logical thing!”

A tiny, panicked voice in your head tells you not to ask, but you do it anyway: what ‘logical thing’ was that?

“Why, I ate my captive, of course!” PERI explains as if she was telling you 1 plus 1 equals 2! “Skin, organs, bones--all of it! It was weird at first, but once she stopped moving it was actually kinda tasty!”

The mermaid takes you stunned silence as an excuse to continue.

“I felt really strong after that! And why shouldn’t I? I had just proved that I was better than her, after all, and I did it all on my own! Why should Mother get all the meat when I’M the one doing all the work?”

You uh… That’s erm-

“I felt even better the next few times! Sometimes the meat fought back! Sometimes the meat told me how good the pain felt! One time some meat even stuck a claw in my eye--it felt like my whole body was being tickled by bubbles! I could finally see why Mother liked eating so much!”

PERI pauses to laugh at some joke you’re clearly not getting, then continues in a whimsical tone. “Eventually some guards told me I was doing something bad, so I ate them too. Long story short, Stan, here I am!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4986468
If that’s the case, you stammer, why the heck is she still alive? You can’t see it, but you’re pretty sure the mermaid shrugs.

“Maybe I am becoming like Mother and the sea is on my side now! Or maybe they think feeding me to Mother would end my suffering too quickly! Anyways, that’s why I need to escape, Stan--I still have more meat to find if I’m going to become like Mother!”

The prisoner pauses to sniff the muggy air a few times. “Say… You’re a human, right, Stan?”

You uh… You’re not sure where she got that impression fro-

“Yep! I can smell it! I’ve got your SCENT now! Maybe I’ve been doing things wrong, huh?”

Another uncomfortable pause worms its way into the conversation.

“Maybe…” PERI thinks out loud, “Maybe I just need to eat some humans! What do you think?”

You don’t bother responding--something tells you this conversation has run its course. As if on cue, a group of five guards arrives from down the hallway approaching your new pal’s cell.

PERI! time for your RECREATION!” One shouts while the others train their staves on the door next to yours. “Say goodbye to your new friend, okay?”

“You bet~!” PERI giggles! A few noisy clangs later, a mermaid rippling with muscles and scars emerges bigger than the guard you met at the casino! Peering down at you with her one remaining eye, your new pal gives you a mischievous wink!

“Goodbye, Stan--I’ll come find you later, okay? Maybe during RECREATION!

As she’s ushered down the hall, you take a few moments to collect yourself before pondering your next move.

Why can’t you ever meet normal people?

>FIND THE BONES IN YOUR CELL!
>TELL LY TO POSSESS SOMEONE!
>TEST THE BARS ON THE DOOR!
>WAIT FOR RECREATION TIME!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Aaaaand that's all for this evening! I'll check back in TUESDAY around 11-12PM PST! Thanks as always for playing along and hope to see you again next time! Otherwise I wish you a good beginning to your week!
>>
>>4986471
>>
>>4986471
>FIND THE BONES IN YOUR CELL!
>>
>>4986471
>>4986492
>>FIND THE BONES IN YOUR CELL!

Meant to vote this
>>
>>4986471
>FIND THE BONES IN YOUR CELL!
>>
>>4986552
>>4986560
>>4986640
>THE BOOOOONESSS

We're startin' a tad earlier today! Writing!
>>
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Taking Ly’s advice, you begin the unenviable task of rooting around in the tepid water lapping at your knees. It’s not the worst mess you’ve had to deal with before, but it’s definitely up there on the FUNKY SCALE! BLEEEH!

“Pretty sure they were near dat’ corner over there.” Ly suggests, causing you to shift your investigation a bit. After a few false alarms where you grabbed your own feet, your gloved hands finally clasp the unmistakable stiff surface of a skull! Delighted, you pull your prize out of the water only to have it LEAP AT YOUR FACE! Stumbling backwards into the muck, you avoid the skull’s gnashing teeth as it tumbles back into the water! Undeterred, the skeleton piece continues its onslaught and chomps towards you like a vicious clam, its mouth bubbling with words you can’t quite make out!

Snatching it up once more, you get a better look at your assailant, or at least what’s left of him! With one eye socket covered by a worn leather patch, a handful of gold teeth, and a roguishly-waxed mustache, there’s no doubt in your mind that this guy was a PIRATE!

EES a pirate, you overgrown ‘amster! Let eet’ be known zat you died at zee ‘ands of ANDRE ZE’ BUTCHER!

Keeping the head at bay, you give your cellmate a frown--great, another German!

“Err, wasn’t dat’ Marquis guy’s brother named Andre?” Ly asks, sending a few gears spinning in your head. “M-maybe we oughta mention that?”

Maybe, you grumble, but this guy’s gotta cool down first! The question is, how do you make that happen?

>TELL HIM HIS BROTHER SENT YOU!
>DUNK HIM IN THE WATER A FEW MORE TIMES!
>INTIMIDATE HIM BY TELLING HIM WHO YOU ARE!
>ASK HIM WHAT HIS DEAL IS!
>TELL HIM TO COOL IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4987054
>TELL HIM HIS BROTHER SENT YOU!
>>
>>4987054
>TELL HIM HIS BROTHER SENT YOU!
>>
>>4987054
>>TELL HIM HIS BROTHER SENT YOU!
>>
>>4987056
>>4987057
>>4987089
>MENTION THE BRO!

Not sure what I expected... Writing!
>>
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As satisfying as it would be to dunk this kooky corsair a few times, Ly’s well-timed remainder saves your new pal from taking a drink or two! Keeping the skull as far away as your noodly arms can take him, you politely inform your cellmate that you were sent by his BROTHER-- pretty sure his name was MARKIE or something! Hearing what you hope are the right words, the pirate stops thrashing in your grasp for a moment to scowl at you!

“My brother? ‘Ow in blazes do you know I ‘ave a BROTHER?!

You don’t have time to share a link to the last thread, so instead you inform Andre that you met his brother at the COLLEGE when he tried to kill you in a contrived SEA MUTANT battle!

“Yes… Yes, zat DOES sound like Jean…” The skull muses to himself. “... I suppose zat’ means you killed him, non?”

He’s not gonna believe it, but non--you spared the guy! Took a lot of willpower too--say, if you could do that, maybe you could start going to the gym! Hearing the good news, Andre responds by trying once more to bite off your fingers! Wait, WHA?!

“‘ELL’S BELLS! I ‘ATE MY BROTHER!”

You frown--no, you’re pretty sure he didn’t. That would have made your conversation much harder-

“‘Zat slimy dog sends you to kill me and doesn’t ‘ave ze decency to die ‘imself!?! ‘Zat is so classic ’IM!

You shrug. You wouldn’t know--you and your brother got along pretty well before he cut all contact with you!

Damn it, now you’re getting sad again!

“Eef ‘e really did send you,” Andre continues in a more measured tone, “‘Ow can you prove ‘eet?”

Well you had an extremely convenient LETTER WRITTEN ON A MENU, but that’s currently sitting in a basket at one of the SECURITY CHECKPOINTS, so he’s just gonna have to trust you on this one! Searching your face for any hint of a lie, the skull lets out a resigned sigh.

“So be eet… I over’eard your conversation wit’ zee lunateec next door--you wish to escape, no?”

You nod--you’re not sure you’re up for some sort of Gaol Quest...

“Zen’ for zee moment we are mates.” The pirate states. “Tell me--what’s zee plan?”

Hold on for a moment, buddy--you’ll ask the questions around here! What’s the first step?

>SCREW QUESTIONS FOR NOW--LET’S DISCUSS AN ESCAPE!
>TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR BROTHER!
>WHAT ABOUT THAT PEARL HE WAS LOOKING FOR?
>WHAT CAN HE TELL YOU ABOUT MENDOZA?
>ARE THERE ANY OTHER SKELETONS DOWN HERE?
>HOW DID THEY GET IN HERE ANYWAYS?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4987119
>SCREW QUESTIONS FOR NOW--LET’S DISCUSS AN ESCAPE!
>>WHAT ABOUT THAT PEARL HE WAS LOOKING FOR?
>>
>>4987137
>PEARL AND ESCAPE PLANS!

Writing!
>>
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Before you start talking about leaving, you need some more info on why you came here in the first place! Sensing your intent, a smug grin forms on the skeleton’s face!

“Ahh… The PEARL, non? Ze Captain’s ace in ze’ ‘ole…”

Sure, you huff as you lean against the wall, that. You know it’s supposed to cure stuff, but why does his boss need it?

“‘Boss!’ PAH!” Andre spits! “Ze Captain ‘as lost all ‘is flame ever since you’ve eliminated ze others! Now he hides on ‘is new vessel an’ marches us around like toy soldiers!”

Yea, sounds like a really raw deal… But why give up being all bony? Sounds like an improvement to you, sorta!

“Aye, it ‘as eet’s uses…” The pirate agrees, clacking his gold teeth together. “Rumor ‘as eet zat ee’s afraid of being controlled and wants to be free… But ‘ow does ee know ze pearl won’t just cure ‘im into dust?! ‘Tis a fool’s errand, eet be, and we’re zee fools doing eet!”

“Cliff said somethin’ about dat’, didn’t he?” Ly muses in a concerned tone. “About still fightin’ da’ urge ta’ hunt down humans…”

You nod. In a roundabout way Mendoza’s actions kinda make sense…

“To ‘ell wit ees actions! All I know ees zat ee won’t let me back on zee ship without zat’ pearl, so ‘ere we are trapped like RATS!”

Frowning, you ask the skull if he has any bright ideas on how to get it, earning a smug, shiny grin from the pirate!

“Let’s just say eet’s all in good ‘ands! Eet doesn’t matter if I’m stuck ‘ere, though…”

You raise an intrigued eyebrow his way. So he’s got a plan.

“For ze pearl? Aye.” The skull nods. “For getting back to the ship? Aye. For getting out of zis’ rat’s nest? Not as such...”

Well, you groan, it’s better than nothing…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4987268
In that case, you redirect, let’s talk ESCAPES! You don’t wanna be here any more than he does!

“On zat we can agree… An’ our grand escape will be much easier wit’ more mates…” Andre thinks out loud. “I over’eard your chat wit’ zee other prisoner--if we be incitin’ a riot, I ‘ave a few mates ‘iding around zee jail… Zey’ll be ‘appy to raise ‘ell at a chance for freedom!”

Good to know, but you don’t want your pals getting killed in the crossfire either--what about a more subtle approach?

“Aye, eet could work!” Nods your new pal. “Zee water makes eet a mite ‘ard to sneak, but eet’ might be easier ‘zen fighting zee guards… Eef eet ‘elps, zee door bars are none too strong!”

You could also wait and see if Talbot or Syb try anything… Then again, they might be waiting for your move!

“Eef it gets me out, ami, I’ll do whatever you say!” The skeleton explains. “My mates an’ I will reassemble when zee powder ‘its zee flame!”

Time to get creative, then. The question is, what’s the best method here?
>SLICE YOUR CELL OPEN WITH BONE CLAWS!
>HAVE LY POSSESS A NEARBY GUARD!
>WAIT FOR RECREATION AND MOVE FROM THERE!
>GET A GUARD’S ATTENTION AND TRICK ‘EM SOMEHOW!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4987270
>WAIT FOR RECREATION AND MOVE FROM THERE!
I think Syb has her plan, what we gotta do is think about the best way to start a riot in mermaid prison. These people think being eaten by the Deep Mother is a privilege, so we gotta aim for a different angle than just pure freedom I think.
>>
>>4987270

>WAIT FOR RECREATION AND MOVE FROM THERE!
>>
>>4987272
>>4987295
>WAIT FOR REC!

Writing!
>>
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No matter how you slice it, you think you’ll have the best shot once the guards come to fetch you for that RECREATION TIME your neighbor was talking about! When you add up rampant violence, plenty of weapons, and a whole gaggle of other people in your head, you get a happy face--THAT’S gonna be where you’ll make your move!

“Aye, ‘tis good a time as any!” Andre agrees, voice dripping with anticipation! “Me an’ zee mateys will wait for your signal--eef there’s nothing else, drop me into zee water again!”

You give the skull a stern look as you lower him closer to the floor--he’d better not screw you on this!

“Wouldn’t dream of eet, mon ami!” Your cellmate reassures you! “Just be sure to show zees scaly-scallywags no quarter!”

Speaking of, you hear a few of them approaching just as you unceremoniously dunk Andre back into the water! Adopting a casual pose, you give the guards an innocent grin as they approach your cell!

“Stanley, right?” One of them asks, to which you nod politely. “Good news--it’s time for some EXERCISE!

The rest of the guards train their staves on you while one of them fiddles with the door mechanism. Standing your ground, you can’t help but ask where your neighbor went--did she bite the big one?

“Not yet!” Replies one of the guards! “That urchin brain ate another guard, so we’re keeping her in the yard to tire her out a bit! Maybe you can talk some sense into her!”

You doubt it, but it doesn’t sound like you have much choice… As the door to your cell swings open, the guards motion for you to step out into the hallway. Sloshing through the water, you’re politely shoved down the hall towards what you assume to be the YARD they keep talking about. Passing by the SECURITY BOOTH you emptied your inventory into earlier, you’re almost certain you see the SYB DOLL wink at you!

“Guess she’s ready when we are, huh?” Ly asks as you’re ushered forward. “What’s da’ plan?”

>SAME PLAN--HEAD TO THE YARD!
>A SECURITY BOOTH IS RIGHT HERE--MAKE A MOVE NOW!
>PRETEND TO BE SICK! GIVE SYB AN OPENING!
>ASK IF YOU CAN QUICKLY GRAB A DOLL!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4987339
>>SAME PLAN--HEAD TO THE YARD!

If we try any fuckery now, we're screwed. We can come back for our arsenal later (I hope).
>>
>>4987375
>TO THE YARD!

Guess we're following the plan! Writing!
>>
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You’re eager to get back to your lost stuff, especially ALLY THE ALLIGATOR AND CO, but there’s no use in poking the hornet’s nest just yet--you’ll have to wait for them to make the honey first!

“... Did you… Is that a human joke?” Asks one of the guards behind you. When you reply with a quick nod, she gives you a zap from her STORM STAFF for good measure! “No joking, human! Keep movin’!”

The shock didn’t knock you out, but damn if it didn’t HURT! Your eyes are still twitching by the time you’re herded in between two large portcullis’--the one ahead of you closed, the one behind you open! So, you muse aloud, this is the entrance to the YARD, ey?

“You betcha!” Replies one of the guards with pride! “This is where you’ll get all that excess energy out! Think of it like recess!”

With that, the gate behind you slams shut! Drawn by the noise, you can already hear the excited chattering of other inmates from the tunnel up ahead! Giving your captors an uncertain look, you ask them what the rules are for this ‘playtime’ of yours.

“You’ll find out!” The guards giggle, giving each other knowing glances! Cracking your knuckles, you give them all a shrug--fine by you!

“One more thing: we’ll give you a TEN SECOND HEAD START!” Explains the guard closest to you. “Don’t dawdle!”

With that, the gate separating you from the YARD rises into the ceiling with a series of creaks and groans! Even worse, the sound of approaching inmates grows even louder!

“Here’s a bet: you think they’re gonna RUSH us or AMBUSH us?” Ly asks. Trotting down the tunnel like you own the damn place, you blink your LASER EYE a few times as you confidently answer C: NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Leaving the guards behind you, a long, winding tunnel eventually deposits you into a massive, circular room caked with old spatters of scrapes, scorch marks, and copper-colored stains! Surrounding the play area is a network of massive pipes, many of which deposit brackish water into the deep moat running the perimeter of the yard! Similar to the one you entered from, several more entrances sit at the corners of the room, each leading into shadowy passages!

“Great...” Ly mutters under his breath, “They’re definitely gonna ambush us.”

And if PERI’S intel is correct, the guards will be coming after you soon, too! That means time is not on your side! You’ve got a plan to put in motion, but what’s the first step?

>CALL OUT SOME INMATES! START A FIGHT!
>ATTEMPT TO GET SOME INMATES ON YOUR SIDE!
>TRY TO FIND SOME HUMANS!
>HIDE! TURN THIS AMBUSH AROUND!
>LOOK FOR ESCAPE ROUTES!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4987519
>>TRY TO FIND SOME HUMANS!
>>HIDE! TURN THIS AMBUSH AROUND!
>>
>>4987527
>FIND YOUR HUMANS!
>BUT DO IT STEALTHILY, I GUESS?

Let's ROLL 1d100+5 to see how successful you are in tracking people down! I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 63 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4987594
>>
Rolled 83 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4987594
>>
>>4987618
>>4987635
Feel free to roll again for this third one!
>>
Rolled 57 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4987697
>>
>>4987618
>>4987635
>>4987704
>HIGHEST ROLL: 88

That'll do 'er! Writing!
>>
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You begin by climbing up the wall into a shadowy niche situated by a few pipes--it’s not much of a hiding place, but at least it isn’t at ground level! Perch secured, you take a moment to crane your ears around the yard for any sign of life!

“If dose’ other tunnels are like ours, den’ there’s not a lotta’ places ta’ hide…” Ly remarks. He’s right--if the rest of the gang was coming in, they’d be sitting ducks right now. The guards would have to be total MORONS to put all the humans together, tho-

AAAAAAAUUUUGH!

Your train of thought is expertly derailed by Art’s form shooting from the tunnel across from you like a bullet! Landing in a heap in the center of the YARD, he’s quickly joined by Eddie, Mitz, and even GUS! Tucker and Kiki scamper after them followed closely by a pack of MERMAIDS! Staggering to his feet, Art rubs the dirt from his face and glares in the pack’s direction.

“Let… Let her go, freak!

Bringing up the rear is an old acquaintance of yours--a towering mountain of sinew and scales with a spiked nautilus shell obscuring her one remaining eye wielding a STORM STICK! Your neighbor’s sudden reappearance isn’t what gets your attention, though--dangling from her other claw by a tall, buckled boot is a familiar, albeit unconscious Goth! Though she looks comatose, you can just barely make out a faint blue glow around her head!

“You guys don’t get it!” Periwinkle begins, shaking Syb around like a chew toy! “I just need to eat a teensy bit more before I can be like Mother!”

The pack of mermaids keep their distance from their bulky inmate, but you don’t have to be a FISHOLOGIST to see that they’re thinking something similar!

“That’s not how it works!” Tucker fires back as he and Kiki help the others back to their feet! “You’re making a mistake!”

DING DING DING~! The human’s right!”

As if the situation wasn’t tense enough, about ten MERMAID GUARDS emerge from the entrance below you, each one brandishing a sparking STORM STICK! and wearing heavy chitinous armor! The lead guard spins her staff as she and Periwinkle exchange toothy grins!

“Mother’s getting tired of you, Peri, and the humans belong to US! Put her down now or you’ll wish you could be eaten!”

Your neighbor leans in closer to Syb’s unconscious body and shakes it around like a cat! “Nope, can’t fool me! I know power when I smell it--she’s no Stan, but this human will definitely taste good!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4987832
As the groups watch each other with growing unease, your pals form a perimeter in the center of the yard, each raising their dukes for a fight!

“If ANYONE takes so much as a nibble... They can consider that their last meal!” Art growls!

“Stan… LOOK!

Just when you feel like the tension can’t get any higher, Ly points your head in the direction of the moat. A handful of bony hands and skulls emerge from the fetid water, the former grasping blades, staves, and hooks!

A grin slowly forms on your face--circumstances aside, you couldn’t have asked for a better setup! They haven't noticed you yet, so what’s the plan?

>LIGHT PERI UP FROM AFAR!
>SCATTER THE INMATES WITH A LASER!
>BLAST THE GUARDS!
>HAVE LY POSSESS SOMEONE!
>MAKE AN ENTRANCE--YOU’VE GOT A FEW THINGS TO SAY!
>WAIT A LITTLE LONGER--LET THINGS PLAY OUT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all for this evening, folks--back to the ole' 6-7PM PST SCHEDULE ON WEDNESDAY! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>4987834
>MAKE AN ENTRANCE--YOU’VE GOT A FEW THINGS TO SAY!
If she wants to play King of the Ring, then we got hands to throw. Let's ratchet up the drama
>>
>>4987834
>>MAKE AN ENTRANCE--YOU’VE GOT A FEW THINGS TO SAY!

Supporting this guy >>4987871
>>
>>4987834
>CUT OFF PERI'S HAND WITH A LASER!
>>
>>4987834
>MAKE AN ENTRANCE--YOU’VE GOT A FEW THINGS TO SAY!
>>
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>>4987871
>>4987878
>>4987983
>MAKE AN ENTRANCE!

>>4987915
>LASER SURGERY!

Looks like Stan's making herself KNOWN! The question is, HOW?! I've got TWO CHOICES for you guys:

>LEAP DOWN AND ADDRESS EVERYONE!
>SHOUT FROM ABOVE!
>CREEP UP FROM BEHIND NICE AND DRAMATICALLY!
>WRITE-IN!

AND we're gonna have to come up with something to say while we're at it too:

>TELL EVERYONE TO LEAVE YOUR PALS ALONE!
>ORDER THE GUARDS TO TAKE A HIKE!
>CALL PERIWINKLE OUT!
>TRY TO GET THE INMATES ON YOUR SIDE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4988945
>LEAP DOWN AND ADDRESS EVERYONE!
>CALL PERIWINKLE OUT!
We've got some tricks up our sleeves, more tricks than a passed out goth witch can pull at least.
>>
>>4988955
>LEAP DOWN AND CALL PERIWINKLE OUT!

Writing!
>>
>>4988955

+1
>>
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You think this pot’s boiled long enough! Leaving your hiding place with a MIGHTY BONEUS-FUELED LEAP, you toss a front flip in for free before landing deftly on the ground level! Before anyone can react, you quickly let loose with a snappy one-liner:

This uh…. This party’s of-FISH-ally over!

When neither the crowd nor your pals bother to clap, you take a few seconds to adopt a more heroic pose--there, that oughta do it!

“Hey, Stan.”

Not the most enthusiastic greeting you’ve ever received, but at least Gus is trying! Adjusting your hat to a more roguish angle, you take a few steps towards the gruff-looking mermaid holding Syb and jab a finger in her direction! That’s YOUR Goth, damn it! Go find your own!

STAN!” Periwinkle exclaims, eye widening in excitement! “I was hoping you’d come to the YARD!

She said she was hungry earlier, so you thought you’d serve her a few KNUCKLE SANDWICHES! On the HOUSE! Genuinely confused by your taunt, the mermaids nod in comprehension when you smack your fists together a few times! Licking her gore-speckled teeth, Periwinkle drops Syb’s comatose form to the ground like an empty soda can!

“Ooh, you’re the type of meat that likes to fight back, huh?” She giggles, slithering towards you while Art and Gus rush to collect Syb. “Great! I was getting tired of the same old food anyways!”

Guards, inmates, and your pals come together in beautiful camaraderie to form a circle around you and your neighbor!

“Fry ‘er up, Stan!” Art shouts!
“Yea! Show ‘em what humans can do!” Eddie adds while Kiki claps perched on his shoulders! As the mermaids crowd in closer, Mitzi pushes through with her PHONE in hand ready to take a vid!

Amidst the growing jeers from your audience, your opponent takes the opportunity to jab herself in the side a few times with her STORM STICK before twirling it in your direction! “I never tried human meat before!” She giggles, still jittering from the electric shock! “Whatever happens, I’ll cherish this memory forever!”

Spotting Andre’s SKELETON PALS lying low by the moat, you turn your attention back to your opponent.

“Watch out for dose’ guards, cupcake--” Ly warns, “Somethin’ tells me they’re just waitin’ ta’ pick up da’ scraps!”

In that case, you chuckle, you’ll just have to make this even more entertaining! A riot ain’t gonna start itself, after all!

Speaking of starts, now’s your chance to get the first move in! How do you kick things off?
>CUT TO THE CHASE: BONE CLAWS!
>FOLLOW ART’S ADVICE: BLAST HER WITH A LASER!
>BAIT PERI INTO ATTACKING YOU--MAYBE YOU CAN TRIP HER UP!
>FIRST THING’S FIRST--DISARM THIS PSYCHO!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Gonna call it here for tonight--got a meeting early tomorrow. Might not be able to write another update until FRIDAY AROUND 6-7 because I'll be away from my main computer, but we'll see what happens. Thanks for your patience and hope to see you next time!
>>
>>4989098
>BAIT PERI INTO ATTACKING YOU--MAYBE YOU CAN TRIP HER UP!
From this, into a disarm. Then we Discombobulate. the laser we keep as a more hidden weapon
>>
>>4989098
>>BAIT PERI INTO ATTACKING YOU--MAYBE YOU CAN TRIP HER UP!
>>
>>4989124
This, best offense is a good defense
>>
>>4989098
>CUT TO THE CHASE: BONE CLAWS!
You can't trip up a fish tail you dolts.
>>
>>4989221

If this bitch is really top heavy and she's slithering around on her presumably-thinner tail, she'd probably be very easy to knock down if the water's not that deep. Unless, of course, that tail's a freaking tree-trunk like the rest of everything on her person.

Which brings me to my next change of topic...

>>4989098

How the hell have these mermaids been slithering around their half-land abodes without getting serious rub-wounds on their tails?

...wait.

...They like pain.

Crap.

Anyways, this is Bones Quest. We're not allowed to die, and, if those extra lives we get don't kick in, we'll switch to Boris-- the true Chad of the game!
>>
>>4989227
>switch to Boris
That's a loss condition if I've ever seen one.
>>
>>4989098
>FIRST THING’S FIRST--DISARM THIS PSYCHO!
>>
>>4989221
Can't make an update right now, but just to clarify I meant more along the lines of her bungling an attack--kinda like baiting a bull. Hope that makes more sense!

>>4989227
Boris: The True Protagonist
>>
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>>4989117
>>4989124
>TRIP HER UP AND MAKE HER FUMBLE!

>>4989221
>MAKE SUSHI!

>>4989295
>DISARM!

Hey all--not on my main computer tonight, so the best I can do is ask for some ROLLS! Going out of town this weekend too, but I'll get some actual writing in around 6-7PM PST on FRIDAY!

In the meantime, ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO MAKE PERIWINKLE STUMBLE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

One more thing: please WRITE IN how you plan on making her stumble too! I'll have to IMPROVISE if you don't! OOooOoOOH! SPOOKY!

>>4989227
Just realized that I've never drawn a full mermaid for you guys, so here's a quick sketch for reference. Their tails are somewhat thinner for less drag in the water, but Peri is also beefy as hell, so yea.

Thanks for your patience!
>>
Rolled 62 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4990617

>"Look over there! It's Mother!"

Distract not one but ALL the mermaids...
>>
Rolled 69 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4990617
>>
Rolled 93 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4990617
>>
>>4990629
>>4990640
>>4990655
>HIGHEST ROLL: 98!
Gonna post a quick update from my phone--get ready!
>>
Seeing you remain still, Periwinkle takes the opportunity to coil up and leap towards you like a toned, scaly JAVELIN! While the rest of the spectators hoot and holler at the promise of impending blood, your fans watch with silent excitement knowing all too well what you're capable of by now. As your opponent sails towards you with her mouth open and several rows of serrated teeth bared, you swiftly pivot to your right and jab a finger towards the corner of the yard! Holy COW--it's THE DEEP MOTHER!

Every fish girl takes the bait hook, line, and sinker! Turning in unison, they frantically scan the direction you pointed in for signs of Mommy!

"MOTHER?! TAKE ME!"
"NO, TAKE ME FIRST!"
"I'M DONE BEING A GUARD--TAKE ME!"

Even your assailant cranes her neck mid-leap to get a look, conveniently giving you the chance to reposition yourself out of her killzone!

"Mother!? Watch--I'm gonna be just like yo-"

Interrupting with a trio of BONE CLAWS to the hand grasping her STORM STICK, you're rewarded with a splash of steamy blood across your face and the clatter of a falling staff amidst a few severed talons! Sensing something amiss, Periwinkle investigates your handiwork and licks her lips excitedly!

"Wow, Stan, you're giving me Goosebump-"

Your neighbor is cut off once more as she crashes into the guards assembled behind you, scattering them and their weapons all over the yard! As they frantically squirm to regain their foot-er... TAILING, your gang springs into action and shoves their way over to the new armaments!

"HEY, THOSE HUMANS HAVE WEAPONS!" Shouts one of the inmates excitedly! "I WANT A WEAPON!"
"ME TOO!" Pouts another one! "I WANNA EAT TOO!"

And just like that, the situation spills over like a bowl of chowder left too close to the edge of the counter! Tearing the guards off of her, Periwinkle looks your way with a menacing giggle before snatching up an unlucky inmate! While she advances on you with her newfound FISH-FLAIL, your pals form a wall around Syb's twitching body in an attempt to drive off the bloodthirsty inmates!

"AAAAR!" Shouts a guttural voice from behind you, "SHOW THEM FISH NO QUARTERRRRR!!!"

"Uh, Stan?" Ly mutters as you watch a horde of bloodthirsty skeletons emerge from the moat, "Da' PIRATES are here..."

>CONTD.
>>
>>4991183
"HEAD'S UP!" Before you can react, Eddie, Tucker, and Kiki each toss a STORM STICK at the approaching skeletons, skewering their targets through their ribs! Vaulting over a nearby inmate and letting her take the FISH-FLAIL strike meant for you, you hastily update your gang on the current allegiances--those pirates are on YOUR SIDE!

"Wait, wha?" Art asks, looking at you as if you just turned purple.

"'Tis true for ze time being!" As if on cue, Andre shows up and pats you on the back with a hand clutching a nasty-looking cutlass! Wait, where's his other hand?

"Everyzeeng eez in good 'ands!" The skeleton repeats with a twinkle in his eye socket! Sinking his blade into a nearby guard, the buccaneer wades into the fray with a roaring laugh leaving you to fend for yourself against your original opponent!

"Staaaaaan~" Periwinkle laughs, claw still bleeding from your handiwork, "Come on, don't keep running away!"

She's right--more guards are probably already closing in, but your new pal doesn't seem like the type to do 'rainchecks'. How do you deal with her?

>DISARM HER NEW WEAPON!
>TRY TO SEND HER INTO THE OTHERS AGAIN!
>JUST CHOP HER HEAD-ON! BONE CLAWS!
>TIME TO FRY! LASER TIME!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4991188
>DISARM HER NEW WEAPON!
I think it might be a good idea to dis-'arm' her at this point
>>
>>4991188
>TRY TO SEND HER INTO THE OTHERS AGAIN!
>>
>>4991183
>>DISARM HER NEW WEAPON!
>>
>>4991193
>>4991234
>DISARM!

>>4991196
>MORE JUKING!

Back on the main rig! ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO DIS'ARM' THIS FREAKY FISH! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 80 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4991599
>>
Rolled 65 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4991599
>>
Waiting on one last roll--feel free to roll again!
>>
Rolled 21 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4991599
>>
>>4991603
>>4991620
>>4991665
>HIGHEST ROLL: 85!
Writing the last update of the night!
>>
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You opt to not take chances. These strong, violent types have a nasty habit of coming back to bite you in the ass later--Nico taught you that lesson not too long ago! In the interest of cutting both Peri and your fight short, you scamper and tumble forward through a gauntlet of pouncing mermaids before leaping towards the arm currently swinging another mermaid like a pool noodle!

The guard-turned-weapon gives you an amicable wave as you sail past her towards your assailant, and while your neighbor splatters her new weapon against the floor, you take the opportunity to sink your claws into her arm!

“Ooh, that was a good one~!”

Sensing your intent, the mermaid flexes her mighty biceps and stops your claws more or less dead in their tracks! As you struggle to pull free, the mermaid pins your other arm at your side with her bloody, yet still functional other claw and lunges maw agape for your head! Oh man--you’re not ready for a haircut yet!

Just when you’re about to warm up your LASER EYE, a red and white blur charges the beast’s side and knocks the wind out of her! As you wrench free from the beast’s grasp, you turn and give Gus an appreciative nod--now that’s what you call a SPECIAL DELIVERY!

The delivery man shoots you his signature ‘quarter of a grin’ before being launched across the yard by a well-placed strike from Periwinkle’s tail!

“Okay, where were we?”

Well, you growl, you were just at the part where you finished doing THIS! Pressing your BONE CLAWS deeper into the mermaid’s arm, you fight against protesting muscle and sinew and manage to carve deep into the limb’s connective tissue! Showered with a new coat of fish blood, you wait for your opponent to writhe in pain and maybe shake you off, but all you get is a dreamy, almost satisfied look!

“Stan~,” the fish giggles lazily, “I’m feeling SO floaty right now… Like kelp in a current...”

Swaying from side to side, the inmate swats a few other mermaids and skeletons away with her tail before jerking her dangling arm around like a whip! Riding it around in the most screwed-up rodeo you’ve ever seen, you lose your footing when you and the arm bowl through a group of charging inmates! Landing into a somersault, you regain your footing just in time to see Periwinkle’s rows of teeth heading straight for you!

What’s next? She won’t be carrying any more weapons, that’s for damn sure!
>DODGE! LET HER WEAR HERSELF OUT A BIT!
>TRICK HER INTO THE OTHER MERMAIDS!
>SCREW RUNNING--FINISH THIS FREAK. DIVE IN WITH BONE CLAWS!
>BLAST HER WITH THE LASER! IT’S TIME, DANG IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4991717
That's all for tonight--gonna be going out of town for the weekend, but I should be back on SUNDAY-- can't entirely estimate what time!

Thanks again for playing and hope you have a great weekend! Get some rest!
>>
>>4991717
>BLAST HER WITH THE LASER! IT’S TIME, DANG IT!
>>
>>4991717
>>BLAST HER WITH THE LASER! IT’S TIME, DANG IT!
>>
>>4991717
>BLAST HER WITH THE LASER! IT’S TIME, DANG IT!

Shame she tried to eat Sybil, otherwise I wouldn't be opposed to letting her join us and eat Mother's corpse as long as she promises to let all of us leave alive.
>>
>>4991786
Stan might act erratically, but one thing is constant: DON'T FUCK WITH SYB.

>>4991745
>>4991773
>>4991786
>BLAST 'EM!

Looks like I have a little bit of time this morning before we hit the road!

ROLL ME 1d00+10 TO FRY THIS FISH! SHE'S CLOSE, SHE'S WOUNDED, IT'S ALL YOU, BABY!

I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS AS USUAL! Don't forget to call out SPECIFIC TARGETS if you have 'em!
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>4992097
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>4992097
>>
Rolled 52 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4992097
>>
>>4992130
>>4992182
>>4992208
>HIGHEST ROLL: 89!

Writing!
>>
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It’s a good thing you warmed up your eye a few moments earlier--standing your ground, you stare down Periwinkle’s approaching maw as you feel the tech in your new eye spark to life! Right when her rancid breath tickles your nostrils with the stale scent of blood, your eye bursts with a blast of energy that sends your attacker flying backwards into a crowd of inmates!

“Wow, did you see THA-”

The guard’s shock and awe is quite literally cut short by a skeleton pirate’s saber, and seeing one of their finest tumble to the ground like a bag of oranges, the remaining inmates scramble for the pipes! Observing their handiwork with grim laughter, the pirates get to work looting the corpses, prompting your pals to join in as well.

Just when you’re about to let out a sigh of relief, though, the YARD is rocked by the sound of grinding gears, moving gates, and an EXTREMELY obnoxious siren! The sound, that is, not another mermaid.

“Guess she did it…” Art remarks, twirling a STORM STICK in his hand. Did what?

“Secured our ticket out of here…” Turning towards the voice, you watch as Sybil slowly rises from the floor with a sleepy look on her face. Oh man, she used the DOLL, huh?

“It seemed like a good idea at the time, yes.” She replies sheepishly as the guys help her to her feet. Brushing the grime and viscera off of her sweater, the Goth briefly surveys the carnage you and the gang have wrought and smiles. “Efficient as usual.”

“Well we didn’t do it alone…” Tucker explains before gesturing to the pirates. Before Syb can react, Andre approaches with a fresh new necklace made out of MERMAID TEETH around his neck!

“Enough hemmin’ an’ hawin’--zere will be more where zat came from!”

No DUH!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4992311
Still missing an arm, the pirate motions for his mateys to approach. “Look alive, bilge rats--we’re not out of zis yet. No ‘armin’ ze humans for now, aye?”

Receiving a series of disappointed ‘ayes’ in response, the pirate turns to face you and shrugs. “We’ll kill each other later--for now we must make ‘aste before more guards arrive!”

“Where to, though?” Art asks, taking a position at Syb’s side. “We’re in the middle of a prison and all of our stuff is gone!”

“The guards took everyone’s things and took them to a checkpoint near the ENTRANCE.” Syb explains. “I erm… I saw them through the crystals.”

“Is that why that alarm’s going off?” Mitzi asks, poking a nearby mermaid corpse with her new spear.

“I uh… I didn’t quite understand the controls, so I might have pressed a few things I shouldn’t have.” Syb answers sheepishly.

Before you can investigate further, a series of explosions rocks the prison! As water begins to trickle in through cracks above, all eyes fall on Syb.

“... It seems one of those brightly-colored buttons was wired to all of the cell doors. Careless. Not my fault!”

As the air fills with the sounds of a rapidly-decaying situation, you ponder your next move.
>THE FRONT SOUNDS LIKE A TRAP--LET’S FIND A BACK EXIT!
>WE NEED OUR STUFF--LET’S HEAD FOR THE FRONT!
>HOLD ON--GOTTA MAKE SURE PERI’S DEAD!
>ANDRE, WHAT ABOUT THAT DAMN PEARL!?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4992314
>>WE NEED OUR STUFF--LET’S HEAD FOR THE FRONT!
>ANDRE, WHAT ABOUT THAT DAMN PEARL!?
>>
>>4992314
>WE NEED OUR STUFF--LET’S HEAD FOR THE FRONT!
>>
>>4992335
>>4992368
>WE NEED OUR STUFF! FRONT IT IS!
>ANDRE, WHAT ABOUT THE PEARL?

Writing! Probably gonna be the last update of the day.
>>
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No time to waste, you bark, you’re heading out the FRONT like you own the damn place! No one takes your stuff and gets away with it!

As your team and new skeleton pals gear up with what little armor and staves remain, Eddie’s the first one to break the silence. “Uhh… Stan?”

Yes, Ed?

“Did uh… Did that laser blast of yours knock your pal into the MOAT? You already know what to expect, but you look anyway--extending from Peri’s landing zone is a long, bloody trail ending at the moat’s edge. Welp, that probably won’t bite you in the ass!

“Don’t worry, Stan--she’s basically sashimi at this point.” Mitzi reassures you with a slap on the back. “Now the other fish girls… They’re the ones we oughta’ be worrying about.”

“Mitz is right.” Art nods, taking a few steps ahead to scout the tunnels leading away from the YARD. “On that note, we should probably leave.”

You were getting to it! Leading the pack, you exit through the tunnel you came from, the portcullis’ both stuck in their ceiling recesses.

“It appears that smashing the control console didn’t reset anything.” Syb remarks as she runs a hand through her hair. “Lucky, that.”

As per the norm, however, your luck swiftly goes South as you continue down the hall. Wading through a sea of mutilated mermaid corpses, the tunnel ahead splits off into a fork!

The passage to the LEFT echoes with shouts, giggles, and clashing weapons.

The RIGHT passage sounds quieter, but a quick inspection reveals a steadily-rising pool of crimson-tinged water as the passage heads deeper into the facility.

“You uh… You don’t happen to remember the way out, do you?” Art asks. Nope, you shrug--what about Andre?

“I ‘ave no recollection--me ‘earties an’ I used zee pipes to make our grand entrance!”

What a bunch of morons, you growl! Can’t even provide a map of EMERGENCY EXITS!

“Pretty sure that defeats the purpose of a prison, Stan.” Art remarks.

If he’s such a smarty-pants then why doesn’t HE choose a direction, huh?

Silence.

Yea, that’s what you thought!

Where to?
>THE LEFT! THERE MIGHT BE MERMAIDS, BUT AT LEAST PEOPLE ARE ALIVE!
>THE RIGHT! WATER NEVER KILLED ANYONE!
>NOPE, HE’S NOT BACKING OUT OF THIS--ART CAN CHOOSE!
>SEND LY AHEAD--BABY HEADACHE BE DAMNED!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4992446
>SEND LY AHEAD--BABY HEADACHE BE DAMNED!
>>
>>4992446
>SEND LY AHEAD--BABY HEADACHE BE DAMNED!
>>
>>4992446
>SEND LY AHEAD--BABY HEADACHE BE DAMNED!
>>
>>4992446
>SEND LY AHEAD--BABY HEADACHE BE DAMNED!
>>
>>4992546
>>4992581
>>4993090
>>4993110
>SEND LY AHEAD!

Guess who's back? I'm gonna need a 1d100 ROLL, PLEASE--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>4994287
Lets rrrrrrrrrrroooollll
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>4994287
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>4994287
>>
>>4994292
>>4994302
>>4994313
>HIGHEST ROLL: 68!

That'll do'er! Writing!
>>
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Muttering the beginning of ‘Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo” to yourself, a sudden realization causes you to stop--you don’t have to leave anything to randomness--you’ve got a MAGICAL SKELETON to do your dirty work!

“Dat’s me--always happy ta’ be of service…” Ly replies in a tone that totally didn’t sound sarcastic! Coaxing him out with a few polite snaps of your finger, the pained look on Ly’s face gets the attention of the other MAGICAL DORK on the team!

“Stan, are you sure this is a wise idea?” Syb asks, giving Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION a sympathetic look. “During my return to that doll I encountered quite a bit of MAGICAL RESISTANCE-- I’ve been feeling it since we’ve arrived…”

You try your best to slap your bony chum on his noncorporeal backbone. Ly’s FINE! Dude eats MAGICAL RESISTANCE for breakfast! As you talk-up your skeletal system, your new skeletal ally raises his non-patched eyebrow at you.

“Erm… Who are we talking about?”

“Her imaginary friend.” Art explains with a resigned shrug. “You’ve probably heard all about Stan’s, uh… Quirks.

As you open your mouth to shut Art down, you’re swiftly countered by Syb putting you into a headlock! UNCLE! UNCLE!

“Art speaks the truth--’Ly’ helps Stan make decisions, that’s all! Speaking of, are you ready to make one?”

Releasing you from the hold, Syb gives you and Andre’s mateys a hard look before backing up a bit. Yes, you huff, and your decision is for Ly to scope things out, so get to it!

“Rrngh… Back in…” Ly groans, gritting his spectral teeth, “A jiff…

As he disappears into the walls, a group of inmates arrives from the LEFT PASSAGE to help you out!

“Hey,” shouts the ringleader, “We’re rioting! Wanna see how hard we can bite?”
“It’s pretty hard!” Chirps another inmate with her left arm gnawed off at the shoulder! “C’mere, humans!”

Figures that Ly would take his sweet time! These clowns are in a narrow hallway, though, so what’s the plan?

>YOU’VE GOT STORM STICKS--MAKE A WALL AND FEND ‘EM OFF!
>TRY TO CONVINCE THEM TO PLAY NICE!
>LASER BLAST! YOU DON’T GOT TIME FOR THIS CRAP!
>HAVE SYB BLOW ‘EM AWAY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4994360
>>HAVE SYB BLOW ‘EM AWAY!

Save the laser for when we need it.
>>
>>4994394
>LEAVE IT TO SYB!

ROLL ME 1d100 TO BLAST 'EM WITH SOME MAGIC! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

It's been a while since we've directly commanded Syb, so if you have a SPECIFIC SPELL in mind (which you can find in the PASTEBIN UNDER THE SKILLS & INVENTORY SECTION) feel free to let me know what to use! Here's a few for you to peruse:

AT-WILL:
ARCANE BOLT
RADIANT BLADE

ENCOUNTER:
FIREBALL
ARCTIC BLAST
SHOCKING GRASP
>>
>>4994426
>ARCTIC BLAST

Syb's signature move
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>4994502
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>4994426
>ARCTIC BLAST
>>
Feel free to roll again--think I can do one more update for tonight.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>4994565
>>
>>4994504
>>4994515
>>4994575
>HIGHEST ROLL: 29!

Writing!
>>
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Stepping to the side, you motion for Syb to step forward. Would she mind cooling down these psychos a bit? A smile forms on the Goth’s face as a blue light flashes from her eyes!

“It’d be my pleasure!”

The rest of the gang stands back as Sybil takes a few steps towards the charging inmates! Raising her hand towards the end of the corridor, you feel a chill rush past your cheeks as ice crystals form in the air around you!

Sensing something off, the mermaids pick up their pace, zig-zagging through the water like gators closing in for a kill! Just when frost begins to nip at your eyes and skin, you watch as Syb’s confident pose falters!

“Something’s wrong!” Art shouts, prompting both of you to run to her side! Grabbing her in the nick of time, you both recoil as sparks of energy fly from her fingertips like live wires!

“G-GET AWAY!” She hisses, her face twisted from pain! “M-MY HEAD..”

Before you can inquire further, the Goth’s hands explode with frigid energy! Painting the walls, floor, and ceiling with ice, Syb’s spell misses the approaching mermaids entirely, but roots your entire team to the floor by freezing the water at your feet!

"What manner of witchery be THIS!?" Shouts one of the pirates!

"Blast 'em, Stan!" Mitzi adds, struggling to yank her leg free!

Feeling icy daggers sink into your ankles, you grit your teeth as the mermaids lunge for the kill!

Whatever you’re going to do, you’d better do it fast!
>LASER BLAST! NO TIME TO AIM!
>YOU CAN’T MOVE YOUR LEGS, BUT YOU CAN STILL SLICE! BONE CLAWS!
>SOMEONE’S GOTTA BE ABLE TO TOSS A STAFF!
>BREAK FREE! IT’LL HURT, BUT MAYBE YOU CAN INTERCEPT THESE CREEPS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all for tonight--had a busy weekend and tomorrow's gonna be busy as well! Should have an update around the usual 6-7PM PST ON MONDAY! See ya then!
>>
>>4994595
>LASER BLAST! NO TIME TO AIM!
>>
>>4994595
>LASER BLAST! NO TIME TO AIM!
>>
>>4994595
>>LASER BLAST! NO TIME TO AIM!
>>
>>4994707
>>4994721
>>4994942
Looks like we're BLASTIN'! Can't write an update soon, but I CAN ask for a few ROLLS!

Roll me 1d100-5 to blow them away! The freezing doesn't help, but at least they're close! I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 90 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4994974
>>
Rolled 15 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4994974
Lessgooo
>>
Rolled 53 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4994974
>>
>>4994977
>>4995122
>>4995215
>HIGHEST ROLL: 85!
WRITING!
>>
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Figures it’d fall to you to save the day again. You don’t even bother to aim as the mechanisms in your eye warm up, and just when you feel teeth like steak knives sink into your arm, the laser does its job and reduces the mermaids to crispy piles of bone and torched scales!

“Holy CRAP.” Art mutters as your attackers slump to the frozen floor! “Too close!”

Steaming blood oozes out of the bottom halves of the rioters and slowly melts away the ice at your feet. As you and your teammates crunch free of your frozen prison, Andre and his men admire your handiwork with satisfied nods.

“Eet would seem zee tales about you ‘ave merit, non?” He asks, rubbing his mustache with intrigue. “I suppose eet would ‘ave been a bad idea to kill you all zen.”

Yes, you growl as Art helps Syb regain her balance, it WOULD. That said, what the heck just happened back there!?

“I… Ly’s right, Stan…” The Goth winces. “There’s something warping my magic here… Or someONE...

“Gee,” Mitz gasps with mock surprise, “Who ever do you think that could be?” You frown--BORIS! Dude probably put some kind of ‘Suck-At-Magic’ hex on everyone when he heard you were beating all of the skeletons before him--it was only a matter of time-

“Oh! I thought we were all thinking THE DEEP MOTHER!” Eddie interjects, prompting the caverns to shake around you! As you and your team exchange worried glances, Gus gives Syb a pat on the back.

“Guess magic’s no good, huh?”

“Nghh.. I can do it, but…” Syb pants, wiping some excess frost from her forehead, “But every time I concentrate, it feels like something’s-”

“Tryin’ ta’ claw its way in?”

A familiar glowing skeleton pops back in through the walls and settles into your body once more. You were worried SICK, young man!

“Had ta’ be sure these paths both worked.” Ly wheezes. “Either one will lead ta’ da’ front--they both got their problems, though.”

You frown. Do they ever NOT?

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4995738
“Da’ LEFT has more mermaids, but they’re fightin’ each other too! Da’ RIGHT is clearer, but for good reason: there was a cave-in an’ it went all da’ way to da’ lake below!”

A tiny bell jingles in your head. So you can escape that way? How is that BAD?!

“I didn’t see any close-by way ta’ da’ city.” Ly explains. “In any case, da’ cave-in can probably be navigated, but there’s DEBRIS in da’ way, so everyone had better be able ta’ hold their breath!”

“So the question is: do we take our chances with more inmates, or try to navigate a sunken passage?” Syb reiterates.

“Zee sunken passage eez nothing for zee likes of us!” Andre boasts with a slice of his cutlass! “Feel free to wait ‘ere or meet us up ahead--we can clear zee’ way, maybe!”

“And let you guys run ahead?” Art asks in a suspicious tone. “Let’s let Stan decide.”

Oh great, here you go AGAIN.
>TAKE THE LEFT--MERMAIDS ARE DOABLE!
>HEAD RIGHT--TIME FOR A SWIM!
>WAIT FOR ANDRE AND CREW TO CLEAR A PATH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4995741
>>TAKE THE LEFT--MERMAIDS ARE DOABLE!

Feel like bashing some mermaid skulls
>>
>>4995741
>TAKE THE LEFT--MERMAIDS ARE DOABLE!
>>
>>4995741
>TAKE THE LEFT--MERMAIDS ARE DOABLE!
If it wasn't for the magic hampering the fish spell would be perfect but who know we might transform back at the worst time
>>
>>4995900
>>4995920
>>4995971
>TO THE LEFT!
Writing!
>>
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Art’s right, you snarl, jabbing a finger in the direction the now-charred mermaids came from! These boneheads are your ticket to your next mark--you’re not about to leave them unsupervised! Andre looks like he’s about to argue a point, but his aggressive posture quickly deflates!

“Aye, zat’s exactly what I would ‘ave said… In zat case, lead us, oh fearless leader.”

Ooh, why can’t the other jerks call you that? When you don’t receive an answer from your increasingly-agitated gang, you motion for everyone to follow you to the left--mermaids are much easier to fight than drowning!

“So long as we don’t require any more magic, ey, mademoiselle?” Andre quips, earning a middle finger from Syb and a round of laughter from his goons.

“Hate to be that guy, but what’s the plan once we get out of here?” Tucker asks, spear pointed ahead as you continue down the ash-flecked tunnel.

Is he dumb or what?! You plan to LEAVE, obviously!

“Think he’s asking how we’re gonna do that, Stan.” Mitzi replies in a measured tone. “Pretty sure we’re still surrounded by water.”

“Maybe we can find a BUBBLE or something.” Gus suggests in his typical disinterested voice. “That one fish girl did it, right?”

“Can we talk about bubbles after we escape the mermaid prison riot?” Art asks, covering your flank with a staff of his own.

“Heh. Mermaid Prison Riot. Sounds like a band name.” Mitzi chuckles. Hey, yea! You’re gonna have to hold on to that on-

Turning the corner, you and your entourage of humans and skeletons emerge into a charnel house: cell doors hang loose on bent hinges, their bars matching the floors with spots of blood and bile! Amidst the corpses strewn about the floor sits a circle of mermaids, each one crowded over something in the middle. Sensing your approach, one of them greets you with a mouth full of… Something.

“Hey there, humans! Want some WARDEN? She’s fresh!”

Before you or anyone can ask, another viscera-caked mermaid raises a severed fish girl arm as if she were offering it to you.

“Erm… No thanks?” Art volunteers, keeping his staff pointed in the diner’s direction.

“Suit yourself! Say, we do have some human back there too!” Replies the greeter as she pokes a claw in the direction of a cell behind them. “Even FRESHER!

As if on cue, a thin young man wearing a WRINKLED SUIT AND TIE peeks out from the inside of the cell and waves at you like you just met him out on the patio.

“Hey, Stan.”

Before you can be confused, Gus comes to the rescue!

“You remember my little bro, right, Stan? Hey, Jay.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4996903
Eddie’s the first one to jump onto the greeting wagon. “Sup, man? Didn’t know Gus had a brother!”

Jay shrugs. Now that you’re on the subject, neither did you!

“Really, Stan?” Gus asks with a hint of disapproval on his face. “We’ve had you over for Thanksgiving Dinner like… Three times.”

Struggling to find an appropriate excuse, you opt to go with old reliable: you’ve got BRAIN PROBLEMS, remember?

“How could we forg-OOF!”

BLESS you, Art.” Syb interjects as Art clutches his side. “More importantly, what are you doing down here?”

Gus’ brother shrugs again. “Exploring.”

Sensing a connection, one of the mermaids slithers between your two parties and clasps a claw on the young man’s shoulder!

“Gosh, you guys know each other? Talk about a small world!” Shoving Jay back into the cell, the mermaid wags a talon at you with a mischievous chuckle! “Finder’s Keepers, though! You’d better run along if you aren’t gonna eat--I heard there’s a PRISON RIOT going on!”

“Yea!” Laughs another mermaid between bites of her WARDEN BURGER, “Especially for humans!

As you feel your eye warm up again, you feel a large hand grab you gently by the shoulder.

“Careful, Stan,” Gus whispers, “I don’t want Jay getting in the crossfire.”

Fine, you sulk--any OTHER requests? Gus responds with another shrug. “Save my bro?”

You’ll see!

What’s the plan?
>ARMOR UP AND CARVE THESE FREAKS! SURPRISE!
>TRICK ‘EM! TELL THEM THERE’S MORE MEAT WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
>INTIMIDATE! IF THEY KNEW WHO YOU WERE....
>GRAB JAY AND RUN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4996906
>TRICK ‘EM! TELL THEM THERE’S MORE MEAT WHERE YOU CAME FROM!
>>
>>4996908
>TRICK 'EM!

Looks like we're going the non-violent way! ROLL ME 1d100+10 TO CONVINCE THE MERMAIDS TO TAKE THEIR FEAST ELSEWHERE--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Most importantly, feel free to write your DEVIOUS LIE with your roll! It can only help your chances!
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>4997003
>>
>>4997003
>>
Rolled 53, 100 = 153 (2d100)

>>4997003

Ok, since the dude below me tried to roll, and it's been a while, I'm gonna roll 2d100.
>>
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>>4997149

HAH. HAHAHA.
>>
>4997149
>4996906
Funny thing, the deep mother actually sent us to investigate the prison conditions. And we are very disappointed at the accommodations we are seeing. That man is also already accounted for and needs to be escorted to a an important diplomatic meeting
>>
>>4997149
Yow, pretty sure that's the first 100 of the quest--only took 11 threads. If I had a drink I'd be toasting right now! That said, it was made in peculiar circumstances, so I have a question for everyone: would you like to apply that 100 to this roll, or should I bank it for a later date? I'm a bit on the 'meh' side since it was rolled by someone who already rolled, but it WAS quite a while since anyone else rolled.

If you bank it you'll still pass the skill-check thanks to roll 1, but the 100 might have an added benefit here if you use it. Otherwise I'll hold onto it for later. Let me know what you prefer--I can't make an update at the moment, but I'll take your ideas into consideration in the meantime!
>>
>>4997501
I'm feeling banking this one, we are probably reaaaaaally gonna want that hundo in a couple rolls.
>>
>>4997501

Bank. We’ll definitely need it and technically we already got a passing roll.
>>
>>4997631
>>4997639
>BANK THE ROLL!
BANKED!

>>4997005
>>4997149
HIGHEST ROLL: 80!

WRITING!
>>
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An annoyed, drawn-out sigh escapes your lips as you frown at the situation in front of you. You’d love to just charge in and make more sushi, but Gus is sorta right… These fish girls are wacky, and not in a fun way--if you make a move there’s no telling what they could do to Jay.

Okay, maybe you’re just lazy. Whatever the reason, you opt to take another route: one that begins with a smug look and an exaggerated ‘PSSH!’ Taking the bait, one of the inmates stares at you with interest.

“You okay, human? We’ll give you some if you want it!”

Tempting, you reply, but that won’t be necessary… Given that this is a SURPRISE INSPECTION!

A chorus of gasps tells you they bought it! “I-I-INSPECTION!?” Gasps one of the mermaids! “F-F-FOR WHAT?!”

You take your time responding as you strut over to the nearest cell door and wipe some grime onto your finger. Observing the muck, you raise an eyebrow in the direction of the prisoners. Isn’t it obvious? THE DEEP MOTHER sent you to investigate the prison! Who else?!

“Waiiiit a minute,” Mutters another clearly more skeptical fish, “This isn’t one of those HUMAN JOKES, is it? I’ve heard of those!”

Her pals agree with a round of ‘me too’s! Adjusting your hat, you give the doubters a disdainful ’tch!’ The only joke you see around here is this PRISON! This place makes COUNTY look like a five-star hotel!

Rapping your knuckles on the gore-covered walls for emphasis, you continue to ride whatever train you’ve hopped on here and make your way over to where Jay is. And then there’s this asshole! He was supposed to be fed to Mom ages ago--do they have any idea how quickly human meat spoils?!

The mermaids respond by counting out some numbers on their claws, but you interrupt them with a stomp: REALLY QUICKLY! If you and your uh… INSPECTION GANG don’t take him back to her pronto, she’s gonna FLIP!

“Oh NO!” Gasps the lead inmate! “Then she’ll NEVER take us back into the maw of rebirth!”

You blink. Um… Sure. Yea, she definitely mentioned that earlier. No eating uh…. Ever.

The fish girls practically SHOVE Jay into your grasp with apologetic looks on their obscured faces!

“Take him, please! And tell Mother that we only ate a few sisters! We’re still fresh!”

Leaving you with your prize, the mermaids slither away into the shadows as you and your pals stand in silent awe.

“Stan,” Art asks, “What the hell was THAT?

You wag your finger a few times in his dumbfounded face--every girl has her secrets!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4998093
“So,” Tucker begins as you all climb a spiral ramp leading upwards, “What do you do when you’re not getting jailed by fish girls, Jay?”

“Work at City Hall.” Jay mumbles, shielding his face as you and your crew carve through a horde of blood-flecked inmates! “Well… Worked.

“Right…” Syb mutters to herself as she sends a volley of ARCANE BOLTS into some guards shouting nearby, “That’s where the PORTAL is, isn’t it? To THE LICH’S CASTLE.

Jay nods, stumbling over a pair of mutilated mermaid bodies. “Yep. Nothin’ but skeletons there now.”

Sounds like an improvement, you laugh, earning a flick to the forehead! OW!

“Don’t be rude.” Gus grunts, giving you a stern look as he chokeslams a charging inmate. “Jay had a lot of friends there.”

“Yep,” Jay sighs. “I was pretty much the office clown.”

You doubt that, but it isn’t important right now! Sending another squad of guards over the side of the ramp, you find yourselves faced with a long entryway where the silhouette of countless guards waits beyond the flooded center!

“WE’RE FREE!” Shouts a group of inmates emerging from a path adjacent to yours! Charging at the entrance, the escape attempt is cut short when the guards on the other side dip their STORM STICKS into the water! After a few moments of twitching and giggling, the would-be escapees bob in the water smelling faintly of fish and chips.

“What a load of BARNACLE BRAINS!” Laughs a familiar voice from across the pond! “Sorry, humans, but you’re not allowed to leave yet! Play nice and maybe Mother will get to you soon!”

HADDOCK!

“Err.. Nope.” Eddie whispers. “That’s Guppy, Stan.”

Right, you mutter, that was your second guess! Clearing your throat, you step forward to address the guards--maybe they didn’t get the memo, but you’re LEAVING!

“Hmmm… NOPE!” Guppy replies, sending a giggle fit through the wall of guards! “We know your purple friend used MAGIC-- if she tries that again, Mother will cook her brains! And without these,” Guppy pauses, holding up a BAG OF INVENTORY SHIT, “All you humans can do is pout! And don’t even try to swim across or we’ll fry you all into tasty treats!”

You try to draw a bead on her with your eye, but the glare off of the water in the center makes it tricky! Straining your vision, your concentration is broken by the sound of gears shifting in the walls around you, followed by more water entering the tunnel!

“Looks like someone’s got control of the PRISON again!” Guppy gloats! “Better go back inside--we can hold our breath a LOT longer than humans can!”

They won't hold their breath very long when... When they're KILLED! By YOU!

"Nice, cupcake. Real intimidatin'."

>CONTD.
>>
>>4998095
The situation looks grim, but you’ve gotta think of something! The question is, what?!
>ARMOR UP AND RUSH! THAT SHOULD CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE OTHERS!
>TAKE A LASER SHOT ANYWAYS!
>CONVINCE THEM TO LET YOU THROUGH!
>CALL FOR TALBOT AGAIN! WHERE IS THAT JERK?!
>TRY TO FIND ANOTHER WAY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4998100
>>CALL FOR TALBOT AGAIN! WHERE IS THAT JERK?!
>ARMOR UP AND RUSH! THAT SHOULD CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE OTHERS!
>>
>>4998108
>CALL FOR TALBOT!
>ARMOR AND CHARGE!

We're doin' this! ROLL 1d100+5 TO CHARGE THE GUARDS!

I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
>>4998100
>TRY TO FIND ANOTHER WAY!
Funny thing about the ground. We have high strength jumping legs, and claws that can get purchase in the wall. Its cute they think we need to touch the water though.
>>
Rolled 2 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4998139
Awww I guess I might have been a little late, can we combine tactics maybe?
>>
>>4998141
Whoops, sorry! We can definitely incorporate PARKOUR into the attack, though! I'm gonna be playing a game with some pals in a little bit, but I should have some time to update tomorrow!

>>4998142
Oof, close call, ey?
>>
Rolled 70 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4998139
>ROLL 1d100+5 TO CHARGE THE GUARDS!
>>
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4998139
>>
>>4998142
>>4998144
>>4998261
>Highest Roll: 75!
Writing one more update!
>>
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A faint tickle emerges in your stomach--one that slowly crawls upwards past your lungs and into your windpipe. Unable to contain it, you’re helpless as the sensation leaps from your mouth in the form of a hearty, manic laugh!

“Hey, laughing helps me too!” Guppy shouts, eliciting a round of smiles from her fellow guards across the water! “It always feels good to get it out of your syst-”

The sudden bout of levity makes you feel weightless, and even as you feel your BONE ARMOR form around you, each step you take is lighter than the last! Sensing your intent, half of the guards stick their staves into the water while the others prepare to meet you on the other side! Cute, you think to yourself, but not good enough!

“‘Tis the SEA MADNESS, it be!” Remarks one of Andre’s cronies!

“Nope,” Art replies, shaking his head, “She uh… She just does this stuff.”

“What IS so funny anyways, kiddo?” Ly asks as you scramble across the side of the tunnel like a lizard. Isn’t it obvious?! These idiots didn’t bet on PARKOUR!

Diving into the crowd like a bony cannon ball, your armored skull crashes into Guppy’s fish hood with a sound akin to a watermelon hitting a wall! As she stumbles backwards with a dazed look on her face, you don’t bother wasting any time--ducking through a gauntlet of STORM STICKS, you tear into the crowd like a runaway lawnmower!

Halfway through your frenzy, you overhear the sound of battlecries behind you! Chancing a look backwards, you watch with glee at the rare sight of skeletons rushing to your aid!

LEAVE ZEE GUTS WHERE ZE FALL!” Andre laughs, leading his men through the no longer jolted water! Your other pals aren’t far behind, and it’s not long before your whole team has entered the fray! Teeth, claws, and staves collide with your armor, but you shrug them all off as if they were pool noodles, chopping through the offenders with your BONE CLAWS!

“WOW! Is that MY blood?”
FINALLY…
“I see… Flames…

Somewhere between all the mermaid chatter, you feel something wrap around your neck and gnaw at your throat--oh, guess someone’s trying to strangle you.

“I’m really glad we met, Stan!” Guppy snarls in between gnawing on your shoulder! “It’s been a lot of fu-”

Her speech is cut off by the solid ‘THWACK!’ of a staff against her head! Falling off of you like a bra at the end of the day, the fish girl lies dazed amidst her comrades as Mitzi tosses you the INVENTORY BAG from the ground!

YOUR STUFF IS ALL BACK! SWEET!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4998328
Dragging it all over towards the BUBBLE LANDING overlooking FLOTSAM, you hear a weak voice crawling towards you from behind!

“Y...You shouldn’t run… M..Mother always g-gets what she wants… ALWAYS…

Is this bitch STILL talking!? Before you can decide on what to do with her, Eddie’s hand clasps your shoulder! Come on, man--not NOW!

“Wha!? No I didn’t mean--err, LOOK!

Following his other hand, your eyes focus on a large, trenchcoated torpedo crashing through the top of one of the city’s bubbles and landing with a lake-shaking ‘THUD!

A smile forms on your armored face. NOW it’s a party!

The question is, what’s NEXT?

>FIND A BUBBLE! GOTTA GET BACK TO FLOTSAM!
>FINISH OFF GUPPY! NO LOOSE ENDS!
>BACKTRACK! MAYBE THERE’S SOME KIND OF BRIDGE CONTROL?
>TRY TO SIGNAL TALBOT! MAYBE HE CAN HELP YOU CROSS OVER!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all tonight, folks--should tune back in THURSDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!
>>
>>4998329
>>TRY TO SIGNAL TALBOT! MAYBE HE CAN HELP YOU CROSS OVER!
>FIND A BUBBLE! GOTTA GET BACK TO FLOTSAM!
>>
>>4998332

This was my vote. Forgot my wifi.
>>
>>4998329
>FINISH OFF GUPPY! NO LOOSE ENDS!
>TRY TO SIGNAL TALBOT! MAYBE HE CAN HELP YOU CROSS OVER!
>>
>>4998329
>FIND A BUBBLE! GOTTA GET BACK TO FLOTSAM!
>>
>>4998332
>>4998456
>FIND A BUBBLE!

>>4998332
>>4998402
>TRY TO SIGNAL TALBOT!

>>4998402
>FINISH OFF GUPPY!

Writing!
>>
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You don’t relish the idea of searching pitch black water swarming with angry fish on the off-chance there’s a rideable bubble floating around, but when have you ever had an easy option?

“It’s a BUBBLE LANDING STATION, right?” Tucker asks, thoughtfully examining the bridge dipping into the colossal air bubble surrounding the PRISON ENTRANCE. “Maybe they just form nearby?”

“Well someone’s gonna have to find one.” Mitzi shrugs. “I guess I can give it a shot if you need a swimmer.”

“Well whoever’s gonna do something had better do it FAST.” Art mutters, raising his N4 RIFLE in the direction you came. Oh right, you have your STUFF again!

Your excitement is cut short by the sound of scales sliding against stone heralding the arrival of several fellow escapees!

“Look, everyone! Humans!” One shouts with a malicious grin!
“Dibs on the one with the stupid haircut!”

Crap, that could be ANYONE! As your mind races to find a solution, your gang and Andre’s people set up a defensive line near the flooded section of the tunnel while Jay waits politely next to his brother!

“Whatever you’re gonna do, Stan, do it FAST!” Art commands! You’ll have to talk about his insubordination later--right now you’ve gotta ACT!

First of all, HOW DO YOU FIND A SUITABLE BUBBLE?
>DIVE IN AND SEARCH!
>SEND MITZI! SHE’S A SWIMMER!
>FISH FOR IT!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK: AQUATIC MISSION!
>WRITE-IN!

Secondly, HOW DO YOU SIGNAL TALBOT? MAYBE HE CAN FOREGO ALL THIS CRAP!
>FIRE YOUR GUNS! A LOT!
>LASER EYES INTO THE AIR!
>JUST KEEP SCREECHING AT HIM. HE’LL HEAR YOU!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4998670
>>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK: AQUATIC MISSION!
>FIRE YOUR GUNS! A LOT!
Duck is always the correct answer.
And lets use guns to shred up them Mermaidens while hoping Talbot hears it
>>
>>4998670
>>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK: AQUATIC MISSION!
>FIRE YOUR GUNS! A LOT!
>>
>>4998670
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK: AQUATIC MISSION!
>FIRE YOUR GUNS! A LOT!
>>
>>4998778
>>4998831
>>4998838
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK AQUATIC MISSION!

>FIRE LOTS OF GUNS!

Let's see how Commodore Quack does. Start us off by ROLLING 1d100--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

The duck has 'swimming' in its specs, so we'll see how things go.!
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>4998943
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>4998943
>>
>>4998950
>>4998977
Feel free to roll again if you have already!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>4999015
>>
>>4998950
>>4998977
>>4999029
>HIGHEST ROLL: 96!

Writing!
>>
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Tossing your team’s armaments back to them, it’s not long before your hands close around and old, reliable friend: the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK you used back during your NATURE EXCURSION FROM HELL! Lifting it out of the pile, you feel Ly leaning in for a closer look.

“Dis’ little guy certainly helped us out, didn’t he?” He remarks, earning an eager nod from you! Yep, and he’s about to help out some more, too! Tapping the tag on the side that reads ’HE SWIMS! you’re rewarded with a malicious laugh from your skeleton!

“Whaddaya’ waitin’ for? Let’s launch!”

And launch you do! While your team unloads on the horde of fish girls approaching from behind, you hock the plastic duck through the side of the air bubble encompassing the prison and whip out its REMOTE CONTROL!

“Wait a sec,” Ly mutters as you fiddle with the joysticks, “Didn’t dis’ thing have a problem da’ last time we-”

QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKK-

Oh, now you remember: the DUCK CALL was messed up when you were trying to wake Syb up! Oops!

“What the HELL are you doing, Stan!?” Art asks with an incredulous shout!

“Getting us outta here, probably!” Eddie replies, his voice barely registering over the sound of bullets ripping from Kiki’s LIGHT MACHINE GUN and the sustained duck call! Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you turn your attention to the remote control’s viewscreen as the duck disappears into the water’s inky blackness! Flicking on the NIGHT VISION setting, you feel slight relief as the duck call softens as it swims further away from your position…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4999183
https://youtu.be/3QXsBeVMBkg
True to its name, your feathered friend swiftly finds several candidates for your escape!

BUBBLE 1 is big, so it won’t take long to pump it large enough for your team, but from where you’re drifting it’s pretty far away--even worse, there seems to be some coral formations that way too!

BUBBLE 2 is smaller, but a lot closer! It seems to be close to some crystals, however--several clusters of the glowing variety. Paranoia tells you that they look awfully familiar to mermaid eyes…

BUBBLE 3 is about the mid-range of size, but that’s not what captures your attention! Nope, not too far away is a glowing purple light, one that almost mesmerizes you as you look at it! Slapping your cheeks a few times, you momentarily return to reality--bubbles! RIGHT!

As you study your options, however, your duck also gets a glimpse of FLOTSAM across the black expanse, along with the unmistakable sights and sounds of explosions!

“Hang on, Stan--” Ly interrupts, “Dis’ thing can fly, yea? Why not track down TALBIE and help him out? There’s gotta be a control around here for a BRIDGE OR SOMETHIN’!

Your options neatly laid out in your head, you leave the inmates to your pals as you ponder your next move!

>BUBBLE 1! BIGGER IS BETTER!
>BUBBLE 2! SIZE AIN’T EVERYTHING!
>BUBBLE 3! MODERATION IS KEY!
>SCREW IT, PROVIDE TALBOT SUPPORT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4999187
>SCREW IT, PROVIDE TALBOT SUPPORT!
Tactical Talbie support
>>
>>4999187
>>SCREW IT, PROVIDE TALBOT SUPPORT!
>>
>>4999190
>>4999198
>SUPPORT TALBOT!

Writing!
>>
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Foregoing the bubbles for now, you steer your duck-billed destroyer in the direction of FLOTSAM!

“Errr, Stan? Ya’ missed a whole buncha’ bubbles!” Ly helpfully reports. “We can play around wit’ da’ duck later when we’re, ya’ know… ALIVE?

You’re GONNA be alive, you howl! Talbot’s here and he’s coming to get you! You just need to watch his back while he finds a drawbridge or something! Ly pauses for a moment, not sure how to respond.

“Stan, dis’ setup is perfect for a prison--no bridges, plenty of guards, and a boat-load of water separatin’ it from da’ city! Do ya’ REALLY think these mermaids were dumb enough ta’ make an escape route like dat’?”

Your conversation is interrupted by a chorus of zaps behind you!

“Hey, I wanna get shocked too!”
“Me too! ME TOO!”

As the shocks and gunfire continue, Ly borrows your shoulders for a shrug.

“... You know what? Nevermind--let’s find dis’ bridge control or whatever!”

THAT’S the spirit! Looking back at your remote control’s screen, you find your trusty duck flying high over a rapidly-decaying situation in what appears to be some kind of park!

“Hey pal, you’re not supposed to be h-” A mermaid is sent flying mid-sentence by one of Talbot’s beefy fists! Roaring in anger, the giant wades through a sea of mermaids in a flurry of punches and laser blasts, the latter cutting through fish, buildings, and into the abyss above the city! Weaving through the chaos, your duck draws a bead on a few targets!

First of all, there’s the REGULAR MERMAIDS. There’s quite a few. Swarming Talbot like ants on a cookie, the ones that aren’t immediately pulped by your bodyguard do their best to sink their teeth and claws into him! They don’t seem to be doing too much damage, but they’re certainly slowing him down!

Next there’s the MERMAID GUARDS: armored freaks wielding the ever-popular STORM STICK. Entering the park from every direction, it’s unclear what kind of effect those spears will have on Talbot, but you can guess that they aren’t gonna mix!

Last, but not least, you notice some kind of SWITCH MECHANISM sitting on an overlook facing the PRISON!

“Wow,” Ly remarks, “Yep, they ARE dat’ stupid.”

You could have told him THAT! The control looks pretty heavy, though, and that might make it difficult to manipulate with the duck. Still, if you could make a bridge appear…

Testing the duck’s FLASH attack a few times, you smile as a blinding light shines from the city across the way! Looks like all you need to do is pick a target!

>GET THE MERMAIDS OFF OF TALBOT! GET HIM MOVING!
>MESS WITH THE MERMAID GUARDS!
>TRY TO TRIGGER THE SWITCH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4999255
>>TRY TO TRIGGER THE SWITCH!

Not that I don't wanna help Talbot, but he's a capable deathmachine...
>>
>>4999255
>MESS WITH THE MERMAID GUARDS!
Lets get some fire support on the boy, I think those storm sticks are gonna give him a problem.
>>
>>4999323
>>4999255

Switching cause I just remembered Talbot's made of metal.
>>
>>4999323
>>4999328
>GUT THE GUARDS!

ROLL 1d100+5 TO DISORIENT THE GUARDS WITH STICKS! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 48 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4999360
>>
Sorry to leave this on a dice roll, but I've got to hit the sack! Still waiting on two more rolls, but I should be ready for another update around 6-7PM PST ON FRIDAY! Thanks again for playing!
>>
Rolled 42 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4999360
>>
Rolled 93 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4999360
>>
>>4999461
>Commodore Quack has done it again
>>
>>4999364
>>4999455
>>4999461
>HIGHEST ROLL: 98!

DON'T FUCK WITH MCDUCK! Writing!

By the way, THE GREAT /qst/ WAIFU TOURNEY HAS BEGUN! Stan's a contestant, but there's tons of great quests, old and new, being represented in there! If you haven't already, go check it out--seems like fun!
>>
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As you watch the guard’s spears spark with electricity, you feel Ly press against your insides to get a better look!

“Oh cripes-- dat’s no good!”

You reply with a chuckle--yep, those guards are gonna be in for a rude awakening when they find out Big T is made of GOO METAL! Ly adds a polite, if somewhat confused-sounding laugh.

“I uh… I think T’s gonna be the one in for a shock, kiddo.”

You frown at the controller screen as you take the duck around for another recon run. Did he trade his brains for a cigarette back in jail or something? He’s METAL. Electricity ain’t gonna do squat!

“... Cupcake, metal CONDUCTS electricity.”

Your frown deepens.

“... Dat’ uh… Dat means it sends it to other stuff. A lot.”

Speaking of conductivity, Ly’s explanation brings two frayed wires in your head together causing you to immediately send the duck on a bombing run towards the nearest guards! Why don’t they teach you this crap in SCHOOL?!

“They do, but… You know what? Fugeddaboutit--stick to what ya’ do best, kiddo.”

Swooping low over an approaching squad, your thumb itches over the RED BUTTON as one of the guards points at your toy!

“DUCK!”

The guard next to her hits the deck, prompting the other guards to pull her back upright!

“No, you barnacle head--it’s a DUCK!

“Oh!” Replies the artful dodger in a sheepish tone! “Do you think it tastes good? I’ve never had one!”

The guards level their spears in the duck’s direction with eager grins on their obscured faces!

“Only one way ta’ find out! It can be an appetizer before MR. MAIN COURSE over th-”

Pressing the button, the video feed on the controller screen is flooded with an eye-burning light thanks to the night vision option! Shielding your eyes, your pain is alleviated somewhat by the sound of staves and bodies tumbling to the ground!

“My EYES!” Shouts one of the fish girls, “They BUUUURRRN!

“I KNOWWW!” Shrieks another, “IT’S AMAZING!

Circling the park to another squad, you press the button before they can react, causing the troops to stagger into eachother with their STORM STICKS! As the reinforcements lie convulsing on the park grounds, Talbot takes a break from beating the snot out of fish girls for a moment to notice your duck’s presence.

Giving him a reassuring ’QUAAAAAAAAAAACK, you steer the duck towards the BRIDGE CONTROL as well as your position! As his remaining eye dutifully follows, you can see recognition form on his obscured face as he picks up your scent again! Charging for the switch covered in vicious mermaids, the giant lunges for the lever and dramatically yanks it downwards!

AND IT'S GOOOOOD!

>CONTD.
>>
>>5000495
Shifting with a dramatic ’CLUNK!’ You feel the ground rock beneath you as some sort of masonry rises from the depths below! SCORE!

The question is, what now?
>CONTINUE DUCK SUPPORT!
>HELP YOUR FRIENDS HOLD OFF THE INMATES!
>BE THE FIRST TO CROSS THE ‘BRIDGE!’
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5000496
>BE THE FIRST TO CROSS THE ‘BRIDGE!’
>>
>>5000502
>A BRIDGE TOO FAR
Writing the last update of the night!
>>
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Seeing what appears to be some kind of bridge appear at the edge of the PRISON ENTRANCE, you opt to be the first to scout it out!

“You just wanna be da’ first to escape, don’cha?” Ly chides, causing you to flick yourself in the forehead! He can stick around if he’s gonna have an attitude like that!

Relaying your plan to the others as you retrieve your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK, you get a few hasty thumb’s ups as the gang continues to mow down inmates! “If it gets us outta here, then DO it!” Art shouts, prompting you to leave them to their devices. Turning around, you’re greeted by a long, glass tube of a tunnel spanning the gap between the PRISON and FLOTSAM grinding into place! On the opposite end you spot a familiar trenchcoat-wearing goon watching you like a dog seeing its master! That’s right, bitch--you’re BACK!

Making your way into the tunnel, you order your entourage to fall back as well--the sooner you’re back in town, the sooner you can find a way outta’ here! While your people keep on firing, the SKELETON PIRATES make haste for the tunnel.

“Make ‘aste, Parble!” Andre shouts! “Zee’ ‘ard part ‘as just begun!”

Andre’s heavily-accented warning is punctuated by the sound of something massive crashing through the water above! Glancing through the clear tube, you watch with horror as a cluster of building-sized rocks crash down from above and barely miss the park! What the HELL?!

“These caves weren’t very stable to begin with...” Syb mutters to herself as she and the others retreat through the tunnel. “Who knows what damage Talbot wrought getting down here…”

“Coulda’ been doze’ lasers he’s been firin’ off, too!” Ly remarks as the man in question sends an eye beam ripping through the attackers on his end along with a few unlucky buildings! “Dat’ guy was never one for subtlety, was he?”

Watching the stone rain increase in intensity, your pals continue to hold off the remaining inmates as they slowly retreat through the tunnel--Syb, Gus, and Jay remaining safely behind you as you make your way towards Talbot!

It’s around the center of the bridge that you hear a faint tapping noise over the rest of the commotion--one that’s way too close for comfort! Tracing the sound to its source, you peer through the glass and find yourself staring directly into a familiar glowing eye accompanied by a manic Cheshire grin!

Aw DANG it...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5000605
Clinging onto the other side of the tube with what remains of her arms is your old neighbor, PERIWINKLE! The movement of her mouth and the muffled sound of her voice tells you that she’s trying to say something, but you just can’t quite hear it!

What gets your attention isn’t her talking, however, but the scraping she’s doing with the remainder of her working claws. Drawing a jagged ‘X’ on the side of the tube, the mermaid gives you one last wink before darting back into the shadows amidst a bloody cloud...

Something tells you she isn’t marking the location of buried treasure…

ROLL 1d100+5 FOR NO REASON IN PARTICULAR! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
That's it for tonight, folks--I'll check back in around 11-12PM PST ON SATURDAY!

Here's that Waifu Contest Thread Link, by the way. See ya around!
>>4999756
>>4999756
>>4999756
>>
Rolled 38 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5000607
>>
Rolled 60 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5000607
No reason at all......
>>
Rolled 45 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5000607
>>
>>5000616
>>5000632
>>5000659
>HIGHEST ROLL: 65!

WRITING! By the way, Stan's up to bat in the tourney--she needs your support!

>>4999756
>>4999756
>>4999756
>>
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You stare at the hasty X carved into the glass for a moment longer before you connect the dots--you’ve seen enough cartoons to know where this is going! Shouting for the rest of your pals to hurry, you usher them towards Talbot as you hear the water beyond the tunnel shift!

Firing off a few more salvos from her LIGHT MACHINE GUN, Kiki shifts into high gear after you give her a scowl that could turn someone to stone! Scurrying ahead, you take a cue from the film student and head for the exit yourself. Just as you turn around, however, a muscular silhouette races from the darkness and bodyslams the tunnel with the force of a missile! Cracks spider across the glass currently separating you from a lot of presumably VERY chilly water, and as you make your way towards Talbot and the others, you feel the passage groan around you from the pressure!

“Don’t wanna stress ya’ out, but ya’ definitely don’t wanna look back.” Ly reports, prompting you to quicken your pace! His advice proves to be pretty on the money--as you kick it into higher gear, the chorus of cracking glass and groaning masonry comes to a head. With one last massive creak, you feel a rush of air blow against your back as the passage behind you collapses under the water’s weight! Though your lungs burn and your thighs ache from the sudden jog, you feel a sense of relief wash over you as you approach your pals frantically motioning for you to keep going!

DON’T STOP!” Art shouts, stating the extreme obvious.
JUST A LITTLE MORE!” Tucker adds!

As you close the gap, you slowly realize that you’re not the only one they’re cheering on--you’ve never been the fastest runner around, especially before your BONE SPEED POWERS kicked in, but as you look back you realize that you’re currently holding second to last place--well… THIRD to last if you count that sonnovabitch PERIWINKLE riding the current towards you and Kiki!

She may be keeping a good pace even with her heavy artillery, but is that enough? Sensing your concern, the camera girl returns your gaze with a panicked look of her own!

What do?!
>CHUCK KIKI TOWARDS THE OTHERS!
>JUST KEEP RUNNING--SHE CAN HANDLE IT!
>YOU’RE SICK OF THIS FISH--ATTACK PERIWINKLE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5001139
>CHUCK KIKI TOWARDS THE OTHERS!
>>
>>5001139
>>CHUCK KIKI TOWARDS THE OTHERS!
>>
>>5001148
>>5001194
>I'M A CHUCKSTER!

Looks like we're giving Kiki a boost!

ROLL 1d100+5 TO GET HER TO SAFETY! Err... SAFerTY! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 80 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5001208
>>
Rolled 22 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5001208
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5001208
>>
>>5001214
>>5001216
>>5001243
>HIGHEST ROLL: 85!

WRITING!
>>
File: chuckster.gif (1.9 MB, 600x328)
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No time for second-guesses! Darting towards the machine gun-wielding student, you snatch her up like a fumbled ball and chuck her at your pals! As you prepare to make your own exit, a sudden realization freezes you in place! Oh CRAP!

“WHAT IS IT?!” Ly growls impatiently! “Get ta’ safety, ya’ maniac!”

You… You used a SPORTS SIMILE… A FOOTBALL one to boot!

“... AND?” Ly snarls as the sound of rushing water rapidly approaches from behind!

… That does it--you’re not spending any more time with Boris. That S.O.B has you talking like him now--next you’ll b-

Ly interrupts your crisis by taking manual control of your legs and marching you to safety! Sprinting until you hit grass, your skeleton lets go of your limbs, causing you to tumble unceremoniously to the mossy park grounds. Ever the gentleman, your falling carcass is deftly intercepted by a familiar humongous gloved hand. Saved from certain moss-stains, you give Talbot an appreciative grin as he stands you back up in the direction of the now-collapsed bridge.

“Well,” Art remarks as the debris disappears into the water outside of the park’s lifegiving air bubble, “That could have gone worse.”

As you nod, you feel your side being wrapped into a hug--looking down, you find yourself staring at a very thankful Kiki.

“Close call, Stan--but that’s why you’re the boss, huh?” Eddie chuckles while Tucker smiles.

Sensing a heartwarming moment, reality decides to disrupt things with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. Not to be outdone by their earlier counterparts, several other building-sized chunks of cavern ceiling dip through the top of the city’s air bubbles and start the painstaking process of crushing everything underneath! As the very foundation of FLOTSAM quakes from the impacts, Andre approaches pointing his remaining arm in the direction away from the PRISON!

“No time for reunions--we ‘ave to jump ship before zis’ ‘ole place sinks!”

No DUH!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5001295
How?” Mitzi asks, poking a mermaid guard with a borrowed STORM STICK. “You guys might be able to walk out, but we might have a little trouble with that…”

“Not to mention we still haven’t retrieved that PEARL.” Syb adds. “Wasn’t that our entire purpose for coming here?”

Andre groans as if the Goth told him to take out the trash. “‘Ow many times do I ‘ave to tell you?! Eet ees in good ‘ANDS!

So he keeps saying, but uh… Art’s pretty slow, so could he be more clear, please?

“HEY!”

“Trust in the butcher, lubbers--French though he be, Andre be a witty devil, s’truth!” Chuckles one of Andre’s pals.

You respond with a blink. What the HELL did he say? Andre’s mustache twitches with irritation as he hastily tears his hand off and drops it to the floor.

“My arm isn’t lost, mademoiselle...” He explains as his discarded bones begin crawling around like a spider. “But if we are all crushed, our reunion will never ‘appen!”

“Oooohhh…” Ly mutters to himself. “I think I get it…”

You don’t, but you don’t have time to suss it out--right now you need to plan the next move!

The gang is reunited, so WHERE TO?
>THE PALACE! LET’S TAKE DOWN MOMMY DEAREST!
>THE PEARL CORAL! YOU CAN SPEED UP ANDRE’S PLAN!
>THE FISHING PARK! THERE WAS A CURRENT LEADING TO THE SEA, RIGHT?
>THE MOON POOLS! YOU’LL HEAD OUT THE WAY YOU CAME!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5001298
>>THE PEARL CORAL! YOU CAN SPEED UP ANDRE’S PLAN!
>>
>>5001298
>THE FISHING PARK! THERE WAS A CURRENT LEADING TO THE SEA, RIGHT?
>>
>>5001298
>THE FISHING PARK! THERE WAS A CURRENT LEADING TO THE SEA, RIGHT?
>>
>>5001325
>CAST PEARLS BEFORE SWINE!

>>5001334
>>5001343
>PARK AND RIDE!

Writing!
>>
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Motioning everyone to huddle together, you lay out the next step of your exciting plan!

“... This was planned?” Art asks, earning a stern look from Syb.

Naturally, you reply! And now that you’ve escaped from jail, it’s time for the GRAND FINALE! Letting your listeners stew for a few moments, your dramatic pause is shortened by a stalactite the size of an SUV crushing a nearby pile of unconscious mermaids. So much for a pacifist run!

“Focus, Stan--where are we headed?” Mitzi asks, wiping a smear of merblood off of her cheek. Well, you explain, you’re certainly not heading for the MOON POOLS-- that’s where they expect you to go!

“‘S what I’d do.” Gus mutters, earning an equally-emotive grunt from his brother. EXACTLY! And if what Andre says is true, you probably won’t even have to visit that PEARL CORAL!

“On my honor!” Andre reports with a graceful bow! “... Erm… Being what eet eez…”

Good enough for you. As for your uh… EMPLOYER, they’ll just have to settle for the whole town being flooded and crushed. Maybe the coral will catch fire somehow too?

“What are you talking about?” Tucker asks, prompting you to change tack. You’re just saying you aren’t gonna waste time if Andre’s got it covered!

“So where are we going?” Eddie asks, eyes lit up with interest! Leaning against Talbot, you give your goons a smug grin--where else offers a quick way out to the coast in this hellhole? Sensing your intent, Syb turns her disapproving stare your way.

“Oooohh no. If we die in a cave-in because of your inane FISHING obsession-”

“Stan might be onto something, actually--” Tucker interjects. “Didn’t that mermaid there mention it led out to sea? If we can find a bubble or something…”

The Goth’s glare melts somewhat.

“... I see. Alright, Stan--it sounds better when you put it that way.”

Art pops a fresh magazine into his rifle and dons his battle helmet. “What are we waiting for, then? Let’s go before-”

“Before they show up?” Gus asks, aiming his SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN at a horde of approaching mermaids!

“Yea… Them.” The security guard groans. “You remember the way to the park, Stan?”

“I think I can get us there!” Ly reassures you, prompting you to give everyone a confident thumb’s up! The question is, what ROUTE do you take?

>DIRECT! CUT THROUGH THE MERMAIDS!
>SCENIC! IT’LL BE SLOWER, BUT IT’LL KEEP YOU OUT OF SIGHT!
>RISKY--YOU CAN USE THE ROOFTOPS! SHORTCUT!
>ON SECOND THOUGHT, LET’S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5001443
>DIRECT! CUT THROUGH THE MERMAIDS!
Anyone else hungry for Sashimi? Also I guess every mermaid we kill is a little bit of power robbed from the deep mother as well. Lets armor up and practice our sushi skills.
>>
>>5001443
>>DIRECT! CUT THROUGH THE MERMAIDS!
>>
>>5001446
>>5001460
>DIRECT!

FAST AND FURIOUS! Not SUPER difficult, but not the easiest way, either!

ROLL 1d100-5 TO FIGHT YOUR WAY THROUGH! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

You've got backup, but that just means you're a bigger group of targets! Have some appropriate escape/dice-rolling music!


https://youtu.be/gH9bBamibRs
>>
Rolled 64 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5001508
RIP AND TEAR!!
>>
Rolled 58 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5001508
>>
Rolled 28 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5001508
>>
>>5001523
>>5001525
>>5001569
>HIGHEST ROLL: 59!

Writing!
>>
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Subtlety might have been your M.O in the first few days of THE SKELETON TROUBLES, but now that you’ve got a gang of unhinged misfits on your side and more powers than you can shake a very large stick at, somehow armoring up and charging at the approaching mermaids doesn’t seem as suicidal. The collapsing pieces of the cave ceiling far above don’t help your case, though. Sensing your intent, the fish girls descend upon your merry band wielding STORM STICKS, claws, and vicious serrated teeth!

“Look, friends! The humans escaped!”
“That’s incredible! Let’s chew their hamstrings a bit--then they can’t run away!”

Not wanting to appear unneighborly, you, Talbot, and Andre’s raiders descend upon THEM with BONE CLAWS, lasers, and vicious serrated pirate blades! Gotta keep it fair, you know? Carving into the vanguard like a birthday cake covered in a lot of red food coloring, you feel a familiar scalding heat behind you and instinctively duck a blast from Talbot’s eye! Reducing several aggressors to crispy treats, the rest of their host is quickly mowed down by your team’s bullets in an incredulous lack of firearm safety!

Keeping your armor up, you and your gang make your way down the street dodging chunks of ceiling and building debris!

“Is it just me,” Eddie shouts over Kiki’s machine gun, “or are they running out of mermaids!?”

“Perhaps...” Syb replies, filling an approaching fish girl full of lead with Art’s borrowed sidearm, “Perhaps they’re tending to their Mother?”

How VERY touching! Removing a mermaid latched onto your arm with a few quick stabs from your claws, a nearby storefront catches your eye! Pausing to look, you can barely make out what’s behind the counter, but you can tell it ain’t stuff you’ll find on the surface!

“Stan…” Art warns, “We don’t have time. The SKY is FALLING.”

R-right…You uh… You don’t have time, do you? You should just keep on going…

>WAIT! LET’S JUST LOOK REALLY QUICK!
>LET’S KEEP MOVING!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5001610
>>LET’S KEEP MOVING!
>>
>>5001610
>WAIT! LET’S JUST LOOK REALLY QUICK!
No force on earth can keep us from a gift shop
>>
>>5001610
>>5001613

>>WAIT! LET’S JUST LOOK REALLY QUICK!

Changing to this cause this is exactly what Stan would do in this sort of situation.
>>
>>5001616
>>5001629
>WAIIIIT!

Looks like we're stopping to loot! You're in a hurry though, so here's how it's gonna play out:

ROLL ME 3d12! THAT'LL DETERMINE WHAT YOU SNAG! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF <<ONE>> ROLL! AS FOR WHAT YOU GET, WELL...

THAT'S PART OF THE FUN!
>>
Rolled 10, 12, 6 = 28 (3d12)

>>5001664
>>
>>5001669
>10, 12, 6

Oooh, I bet you're itchin' like a hound to find out what you got! Writing!
>>
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>>5001677
You take a few more strides in the direction of what Ly assumes is the FISHING PARK before faking your trusting gang members out and DASHING for the store!

“Oh son of a-” Art groans as he moves to tackle you!

GET HER!” Syb shouts, prompting Tucker and Eddie to dive for you too! They’re too slow, though--you’re greased lightning, baby! Leaping over their pitifully slow attempts to stop you, you duck into the tiny store and sucker punch the nearest display case!

“Stan, you IDIOT--this whole damn cave is collapsing!” Art growls as he follows you into the store with Gus and the rest of the guys! “Focus!”

Hissing like a possum, you rummage through the smashed case and do your best to snatch up anything your hand can grab as the boys try to pull you away!

“She’s… She’s like a wild ANIMAL!” Eddie whines as you struggle against them! As the destruction outside shakes the building to its foundation, your gloved fingers close around a SMOOTH, COLD ITEM--one that almost feels like it’s made of some kind of marble! Hastily stuffing it into your pocket, a plume of dust and sand tumbles from the store ceiling onto your face! Shaking your head, you plumb deeper into the case and feel something SOFT AND FLUFFY! As you move to put it in your pocket, you feel the guys tug on your legs in a concentrated effort!

“PULL!” Tucker shouts, marshalling the forces of evil to take you away! Wrenching a leg free, you fend them off with a series of flailing kicks before reaching into the display case one more time! Just when your fingers grasp something HEAVY AND BOUND IN LEATHER, you and your would-be rescuers are sent tumbling to the dusty floor by a massive quake!

GET OUTTA’ THERE!” Calls Mitzi from outside! “IT’S COMING DOWN!

Scrambling to your feet, you help the others out the door just before the ceiling buckles under the weight of a colossal stalactite! Reducing the shop to rubble in mere seconds, you and your team shield your eyes as a gust of air peppers your faces with dust and debris! Stepping away from the building, you feel the eyes of your pals burning holes into you as the buildings around you slowly but surely suffer the same fate as the shop you were just in!

“Stan…” Syb growls, “you-”

No TIME, you bark! Rushing in the direction Ly gave you, you continue towards the FISHING PARK with renewed purpose!

“... Yer’ just tryin’ ta’ avoid gettin’ yelled at, aincha?” Ly asks in a smug tone.

N-no! Moron!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5001812
One awkward jog through a crumbling underwater city later leads you to the familiar gates of the FISHING PARK--or what’s left of it!

“This should be our ticket out…” Art muses, his voice still topped with a hint of frustration from the shop debacle.

“Yep,” Gus nods, keeping his SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN ready. “Just gotta find a BUBBLE...”

Walking into the park like you own the place, the first thing that strikes you is the silence--if there were mermaids here before, they must have left in a hurry! As you instruct your team to split up among the pools, you take the opportunity to look at your ill-gotten gains from before.

You start by retrieving the SMOOTH, COLD ITEM from your pockets revealing a GREEN STATUETTE--or is it a TOTEM? In any case, the figure carved into the sea-green statue isn’t someone you recognize--wearing a luxurious, flowing gown and lavish jewelry, the totem’s subject resembles a woman with human and fish-like features with a gentle smile on her polished face.

“Definitely not a mermaid.” Ly remarks as you return it to your pockets. Not by a long shot... Trading the cold marble totem for the SOFT AND FLUFFY ITEM, for a moment it almost feels like you grabbed your ALLY GATOR PLUSH. Instead your hand returns with a small doll in the likeness of the masochistic hellspawn you’ve been fighting for the last few hours: a MERMAID DOLL. Staring into its dead yellow eyes, you have to bite your lip a little bit when you find yourself thinking about how goddamn cute it looks.

Putting the plush back before you get the urge to snuggle with it, you make sure the rest of your team is okay before reaching for the last bit of loot from your impromptu B&E. From your pockets comes a heavily-bound tome, its cover engraved with alien letters! Skipping to a few pages in, you find yourself looking at a picture of a-

A...

Oh gosh...

“Cripes,” Ly whispers in a spellbound voice, “Is DIS’ what dose’ fish girls are uh… Into?

The images on the page go far beyond those in the EYECANDY SMUT RAG you saw during your escape from Syb’s apartment… This is… This…

Hoo mama.

INVENTORY PASTEBIN UPDATED!

ROLL 1d00-10 TO BANISH THE MERMAID SMUT MAG BACK TO YOUR INVENTORY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
>>5001817
Calling it for tonight--should be ready for more SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Thanks again to everyone who voted for Stan in the tourney--it means a lot to me that you guys like that neurotic gremlin so much! Thank you for your support and I hope that Stan and pals (and enemies) continue to be a source of entertainment for you! See ya next time!
>>
Rolled 52 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5001817
>>
Rolled 54 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5001817
>>
Rolled 61 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5001828
>>
>>5001835
>>5001836
>>5001864
>HIGHEST ROLL: 51!

JUST MADE IT! Writing!
>>
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Your eyes sting and your vision swims as you wrench your gaze from the ELDRITCH TOME in your hands. Though your body fights you every step and every inch, you manage to slam the book shut and stuff it back into the deep recesses of your pockets where no mortal eyes can gaze upon it again!

… For NOW!

“Dat’....” Ly huffs, regaining his mental balance, “Dat’ was close, cupcake… Looks like we snagged some interestin’ stuff back there…”

Your conversation is cut short by the arrival of several new chunks of ceiling crashing into the park from above!

“Okay, I think I’m sufficiently motivated to get outta’ here now!” Mitzi shouts from across the park! “Stan, what’s the actual plan here?”

“No sign of bubbles yet!” Eddie reports as Kiki un-pokes her head from a nearby pool!

“Nada.” Add Gus and Jay from across the way.

“Ze’ boys an’ I could always take a walk along ze’ bottom…” Andre suggests, “... But eet might be ‘ard to bring ‘er ashore if we find a vessel…”

“Not to mention we need to bring this guy along now.” Art adds, jabbing a thumb towards a sheepish-looking Talbot. D’oh! He’s RIGHT!

“We gotta find a BUBBLE or SOMETHIN’...” Ly mutters to himself. “Da’ question is, HOW?

How INDEED?
>TRY FISH FORM AGAIN AND SEARCH!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
>SEND ANDRE AND HIS BOYS! CAN THEY BLOW AIR INTO IT, THOUGH?
>SEND TALBOT! HE SHOULD BE OKAY WITH THE PRESSURE, RIGHT?
>FISH FOR IT! YOU’VE BEEN WAITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5002204
>FISH FOR IT! YOU’VE BEEN WAITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT!
>>
>>5002204
>>FISH FOR IT! YOU’VE BEEN WAITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT!
>>
>>5002204
>FISH FOR IT! YOU’VE BEEN WAITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT!
>>
>>5002240
>>5002278
>>5002282
Ladies and gentlemen....

... It's TIME.

>FISH FOR IT!

WRITING
>>
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The answer calls to you faintly like a slight tug on a fishing line--the bobber dipping below your mental pond’s surface ever so slightly, then disappearing into the depths completely!
You know what must be done.

“Stan!” Eddie shouts as your hand subconsciously reaches into your pockets, “You find something!?”

You don’t answer. Your hand finding what it needs, you retrieve your TELESCOPING FISHING POLE AND TACKLEBOX from your pocket and extend it to its full length. Watching the tool glisten in the eerie light given off by the crumbling city’s crystals, you give the fishing pole a satisfied nod as Talbot joins you at your side, eye wide with interest! Yes, you mutter to no one in particular, this will do…

“Errr, hate ta’ ruin da’ fun, cupcake, but won’t dat’ POP a bubble?”

Tuning Ly out as well, you find yourself taking a seat on the rim of the pool in front of you. Though debris and quakes rock your surroundings, the pond remains still--tranquil, even. Setting your TACKLE BOX down on the ground next to you, you open it up to see what you’re working with.

Besides a handful of sinkers, replacement hooks, and a few spools of extra fishing line, the box also contains a sectioned-off space for various baits--at the moment the tiny cells remain bare. Probably for the best, you think--if you saw, like… Dead mealworms or something you’d probably RALPH.

The true stars of the show, however, are the LURES--despite the box’ size, it only holds three at the moment: ONE IN THE SHAPE OF A SLEEK, BUT SHINY FISH, ONE COVERED IN GAUDY-COLORED FEATHERS, AND ONE THAT IS THE SPITTING IMAGE OF A SLICE OF PEPPERONI PIZZA.

STAN!” The unmistakable sound of Syb’s ’Getting Tired of Your Shit’ voice hits your ear like an open-palm smack! “Son of a…” Heavy platform boots stomp towards you with murderous intent, but you stand your ground--you HAVE to! “We’re gonna DIE and you’re seriously going to FISH?! Have you lost your damn min-”

It’s not easy, but like someone turning down the volume on a TV, you feel the Goth’s increasingly-annoyed voice drift away leaving only the gentle sound of water lapping at the pool’s edge and the sound of crumbling buildings. You tune the latter out as well.

Like a true angler, your life depends on this catch--bringing your rod behind you, you set your lure and prepare to CAST!

ROLL 1d20 TO LEAVE LUCK TO THE FISH! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF <<ONE>> ROLL!

While we’re at it, WHICH LURE DO YOU CHOOSE?

>SLEEK & SHINY!
>FEATHERED & FEISTY!
>PIZZA
>>
Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>5002327
No one has ever seen fish bite on a piece of pizza, which leaves only one logical explanation - this is a lure especially for bubbles!
>PIZZA
>>
>>5002335
>ROLL: 14 outta 20
>PIZZA

WRITING!
>>
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Time slows to a crawl and the world around you fades away as you attach the PIZZA LURE onto your line. Humming a jaunty tune, you cast your line into the center of the pool at your feet. A lazy smile settles on your face as the lure dips below the water, and despite knowing that Syb will, with absolute certainty, suplex you for this, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying yourself! Fishing, you mutter excitedly to no one in particular, how about that?

Your uncle always used to tell you that fishing was a lot like bagging a beautiful woman--it took patience, the right tackle, and a whole lotta’ time. Granted, he only really talked to you about fishing when he was a few mixed-drinks deep, but all the same you still find yourself shocked when you feel a strong tug on the line mere moments after casting!

“What da’ HELL?!” Ly exclaims, tearing through your fishing-induced serenity like a dog eating a steak! “How da’ heck do you already have a bite!?”

You shrug. Sure, you could attribute it to the location, lure, and/or conditions around you, but let’s be real here:

It’s all skill. Always was.

“Dis’ is da’ first time you’ve ever fished, you knucklehe-”

SSSSSSH! He’ll scare the bubble away! Though you’re itching to set the hook in your prey’s mouth, or whatever the bubble equivalent is, you sit like a statue for a few moments longer--you can’t rush fish, your uncle always said. Just like a woman…

“While we’re on da’ subject,” Ly continues, “Why go wit’ da’ PIZZA lure? Besides da’ obvious reasons, dat’ is.”

You respond to your skeleton with a practiced eyeroll. Man, you could write a BOOK about all the stuff Ly doesn’t know! Has he ever seen a fish take a bite of pizza before? Of course he hasn’t--fish don’t eat that stuff! That only leaves one probable explanation: this lure is for BUBBLES!

Ly sighs like a father who has had enough. “Stan,” he groans, “fish’ll eat anything, especially pizza. Have you ever trie-”

Your skeleton’s futile argument is cut short by a harder tug on the line--one that bends the top end dramatically downwards! With a hasty ‘SSSSSH’, you yank the pole backwards to set the hook, then hop to your feet for better leverage!

“Must be a big one!” Ly remarks as you struggle to keep the fishing rod under control! Fighting the thrashing of whatever’s on the line, you nearly fall in before Talbot steadies you by the shoulders! Working in tandem, the two of you fight whatever whopper of a bubble is on the other end! The question is: CAN YOU LAND IT!?

ROLL 1d100+5 TO REEL ‘ER IN! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 34 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5002387
>>
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5002387
>>
>>5002393
>>5002400
Feel free to roll again! Almost there!
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5002387
>>
>>5002393
>>5002400
>>5002450
>HIGHEST ROLL: 39!

Good thing it's just a bubble, right? RIGHT? Writing!
>>
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The answer is ‘YES,’ dang it! Digging your heels into the ground and leaning into Talbot for support, you get to work reeling in what you assume to be a MASSIVE bubble!

“Stan, be careful--” Syb warns in a more sympathetic voice. “We don’t know what’s down th-”

Whatever’s down there clearly feels like introducing itself! With a sudden yank on the line, the roles of ‘fisherman’ and ‘fish’ are reversed: still hanging on to your FISHING ROD, you stumble out of Talbot’s grasp and into the cold, black water below!

Carried away from the muffled shouts of your teammates, you do your best to hang on to your pole and, by extension, whatever the heck it’s hooked onto! Buffeted around by several currents, you take care of your vision and oxygen problems by activating your BONE ARMOR! Though the transformation traps some seawater in with you, it only manages to slosh around your thighs--thankfully nowhere near drowning height!

As you regain your equilibrium, you follow your fishing line into the shadows where a singular glowing eye watches you hungrily! Sensing your stare, the eye is joined by a familiar toothy grin--one stained with blood and viscera!

https://youtu.be/JHQa1SA3EtI
“Staaaaaaaan…” It bubbles through the water, “I was right!”

Emerging from the shadows with two new arms, PERIWINKLE winks at you as she flexes her new and improved biceps!

“I just had to eat some more meat, Stan--now I’m even stronger than before!”

It’s hard to sigh through your BONE ARMOR,, but you give it a shot anyway. Of COURSE this bitch would grow her arms back…

“Maybe it’s all’a dat’ ‘Omega-4 Fish Oil’ dose’ health freaks always gab about…” Ly guesses as you sink to the rocky ocean floor. Grinning as she pushes your hook deeper into her scales, the fish girl swims a few circles around you before adopting a fighting stance!

“Come oooooOoOOn, Stan--all I need is a little human meat! Mother won’t know what hit ‘er!”

Looking upwards amidst the tall rock spires around you, you fail to see any of your pals. Maybe they just need to know where you are?

“Hold still this time, okay? I promise I’ll make it extra painful!”

Grinding her teeth together, the fish girl’s face twists with confusion.

“Wait… Do humans like pain? I can’t remember… Anyways...”

You let her make the first move last time, but what about now?!

>LASER BLAST! TIME TO SIMMER THIS FISH!
>SLICE HER UP! THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM, RIGHT?
>DISTRACT HER WITH SOME MEAT FROM YOUR INVENTORY!
>BAIT HER INTO THE ROCKS!
>HEAD FOR THE SURFACE--SHE’LL BE AT A DISADVANTAGE UP THERE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5002495
>>LASER BLAST! TIME TO SIMMER THIS FISH!
>>
>>5002495
>BAIT HER INTO THE ROCKS!
Matadore time
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5002498
>LASERS! (1)

>>5002504
>ROCK AND ROLL! (2)

Rolling for the action--whatever the result I'm gonna need a 1d100-10 ROLL DUE TO BEING UNDERWATER IN A HEAVY ARMORED SUIT FIGHTING A PSYCHOTIC FISH GIRL! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 46 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002569
>>
Rolled 53 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002569
>>
>>5002574
>>5002575
Feel free to roll again--I've got a few more updates in me this evening!
>>
Rolled 37 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002699
>>
>>5002574
>>5002575
>>5002700
>HIGHEST ROLL: 43

Writing!
>>
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Taking a page from your last encounter, you scan the area for an appropriate obstacle to lure PERIWINKLE into and find a nifty stalagmite formation not too far away from you! As you get into position, the fish girl throws you a curveball and giggles menacingly as she retreats into the shadows surrounding you!

“Guess she’s learnin’, huh?” Ly remarks as you frantically search your surroundings for your neighbor! You certainly HOPE not--your whole plan hinged on her still being a moro-

In a stunning demonstration of intelligence, the mermaid bursts THROUGH the rock formations you took cover next to and scoops you up like a dinner roll at a buffet!

“Not this time!” She taunts, flashing her many rows of teeth at your armor’s viewports! Springing your BONE CLAWS, PERIWINKLE beats you to the punch by slamming you through another rock formation--d’oh MAN, she’s using your own trick against you!

That’s not all, though--as you recover from the shock of her last attack, your struggle to break free is hindered again as she shoves you into ANOTHER group of stalagmites! And ANOTHER! Dazed and sore, your vision swims as the fish girl takes you up towards the surface!

“Hey, maybe she’s goin’ up fer’ air!” Ly guesses with confidence in his voice! “Hang in there, Sta-”

Your skeleton’s hypothesis is quickly proven false--though a few bullets enter the water from the surface, all of them go wide and miss your opponent! Swimming away from your gang’s killzone, the mermaid darts downward as she holds you in front of her like a newspaper!

“Hold still, now!” She orders in a mock-commanding tone! “This will look neat--honest anemones!”

Turning your head as much as you can with BONE ARMOR on, you identify your landing zone almost immediately--an exceptionally-pointy set of stalagmites dead-set on impaling you!

“I uh… I dunno if dis’ armor is gonna shrug dat’ off…” Ly mutters as sweat starts dripping down your forehead! One thing’s for sure--you’ve gotta BREAK FREE!

ROLL 1d00-10 TO NOT GET THE POINT! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS--DON’T FORGET TO DESCRIBE A SPECIFIC STRATEGY FOR EXTRA FLAVOR AND POSSIBLE BONEUSES TO YOUR ROLL!
>>
Rolled 18 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002728

Let's claw her off of us!
>>
Rolled 65 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002728
>>
Alrighty all--it's getting late on my end and I don't feel like asking for rerolls again. Not now, at least! We'll call it here for tonight and will probably continue MONDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST! Have a good start to your week and thanks again for playing!
>>
Rolled 3 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5002728
Tickle her!
>>
>>5002776
>>5002728
So about that crit we have banked.....
>>
>>5002786
The crit? It's still around! I'd need consensus to use it, though.

>>5002745
Looks like you guys passed the roll, though--
>>5002776
Isn't a crit-fail or anything, so you're good!

Can't write an update now, buuuuut...

>HIGHEST ROLL: 55

WRITING AROUND 6-7PM PST! Maybe earlier!
>>
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Rapidly heading towards pointy death, you struggle to free your arms from the fish girl’s titanium grip, but it’s no use--she’s latched on TIGHT! Mind racing like a rodent on a hamster wheel, your foot unconsciously darts towards her chiseled abs in a last ditch attempt to break free! Giving your leg a bemused grin, the fish continues to ferry you towards your final destination, but freezes when your foot begins tickling her side!

“What da’ hell are ya’ doin’, cupcake?”

What is HE doing?! You thought HE moved your leg!

Before you and Ly can figure out what happened, you feel PERIWINKLE’S vise-grip weaken around your arms! Seeing your chance, you wrench your hands free, pop your BONE CLAWS, and go to the proverbial ‘town’ on the mermaid!

Gasping in a mixture of pain, surprise, and sick pleasure, your opponent loses hold of you amidst a cloud of blood and viscera! You stab a claw at her eye’s last location, but it goes wide--in return, the mermaid grabs your arm again before delivering a bone-rattling punch to your ribs! The armor and your ROCKABILLY RIBS cushion the blow, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel it! As she tries to take a bite out of your head, you stick your claws into the arm holding you before kicking off of her washboard abs!

Drifting away from fish girl, your momentum carries you into a cluster of stalagmites! Though the impact jars you, it’s a lot better than the pointy alternative! Speaking of, forgetting to change course in all the confusion, PERIWINKLE sails stomach-first into the stalagmites she was going to skewer YOU on! As more blood clouds the water, the fish girl giggles with delight as she examines the damage!

“You’re as slippery as an eel, aincha’, Stan?” Coughing up a hunk of something fleshy, she grips both sides of the rock impaled through her and SNAPS IT OFF ITS BASE!

Yanking it out of her belly, the fish swings the bloody geological feature around like a club sending the bloody water swirling around her like cherry blossoms in a crappy anime!

HM HM~I wonder how much air you have left?”

The real question is how much longer you can keep this darn armor on! Fighting through the growing pain all over your body, you ponder your next move--your neighbor doesn’t look too hot, but she doesn’t look like she’s about to give up yet, either! WHAT’S THE PLAN!?

>LASER BLAST!
>LURE HER TOWARDS THE SURFACE! YOUR PALS CAN BLAST HER!
>TRY TO TRICK HER INTO A ROCK AGAIN!
>SHE’S GOT ANOTHER WEAPON! TIME TO DISARM HER AGAIN!
>WAIT, IS THAT TALBOT?!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5003576
>LASER BLAST!
>>WAIT, IS THAT TALBOT?!
>>
>>5003577
>LASERS!
>AND TALBOT!

What a twist! ROLL ME 1d100 TO KICK THINGS INTO HIGH GEAR--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5003641
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5003641
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5003641
>>
>>5003690
>>5003699
>>5003754
>HIGHEST ROLL: 81

WRITING!
>>
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Before you can answer that question, the fish lunges your way swinging her new weapon as if it was a twig! Ducking and weaving as best as you can in this stupid WATER, you lure PERIWINKLE in a little closer with each missed swing! Just when you think her rock club can’t come any closer, you feel your LASER EYE warm up for a shot!

“D’ooohohoho~not THIS time!”

Crap--she probably saw the glow! Before you can draw a bead on her, the mermaid swims backwards, tossing her club at you mid-retreat! Limboing underneath, you frantically try to regain your target as your eye continues charging, but it’s too late--by the time you find her, she’s already disappearing into the darkness! Damn fish parts!

As your eye stings with power, your vision swims with the addition of a new light source! Crashing through the stone above comes Talbot, his massive form contorted into an ELBOW-DROP!

Before she can react, PERIWINKLE takes an elbow bigger than hers to the back of the head! As cracks form around the impact point on her helmet, you square your stance and LET ‘ER RIP! Slamming into the seafloor, your bodyguard deftly picks the fish up from the muck and chucks her dazed form into the path of your laser! Sailing into the blast with CRACKERJACK TIMING, the freakish inmate is still wearing a Cheshire smile as the light envelops her!

The impact blinds you for a moment, and after a few seconds of panic, you hear the familiar sound of heavy boots approaching you! Squinting through blurry eyes, your vision falls upon a shape amongst the rocky sea floor resembling a burnt chicken nugget--the water around it tinged a deep crimson hue!

As the adrenaline wears off, it takes you a moment to realize that it’s getting harder to breathe! What GIVES?!

“I’m no doc, but I’d wager we’re runnin’ outta’ air.” Ly remarks as Talbot prepares to pick you up! Snatching your FISHING ROD off of the ground, a thought occurs--HOLD IT! HOW DO YOU FINISH THAT FISH OFF?!

>SLICE AND DICE!
>ONE MORE LASER COULDN’T HURT, RIGHT?
>HEAD TO THE SURFACE FIRST!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5004838

>SLICE AND DICE!
>>
>>5004838
>SLICE AND DICE!
>>
Sorry, all--stuff came up tonight and I'm gonna have to hold off on posting until WEDNESDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST. Hopefully won't be as busy then!
>>
>>5004838
>SLICE AND DICE!
>>
>>5004838
>HEAD TO THE SURFACE FIRST!
>>
>>5004903
>>5004957
>>5004987
>CUT TO THE CHASE!

>>5004993
>TAKE A BREATHER!

Writing! Got some plans later tonight so I can't promise a bunch of posts, but we're gonna try, dang it!
>>
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Eluding Talbot's helpful embrace, you instead trudge through the murky water over to the golden brown form of your opponent. Ignoring the lingering clouds of blood and gore, your approach elicits a weak gurgle from the mermaid as she slowly turns her singed head in your direction!

"S-Stan..." She mutters, smiling at you weakly with blood stained teeth, "Th-that was... You're pretty tough..."

Yea, yea, you snap, impatiently popping and retracting your claws, you get that a lot lately. Before you can make sashimi, the fish girl interrupts with a raspy giggle!

"Heheh... I guess... I guess I'm not gonna be stronger than Mother now..." Periwinkle wheezes, each movement sending her blackened scales drifting away into the current. "But... But you know wh-what?"

The mermaid gives you her trademark smile.

"I think... I think you're my first real friend, Stan... D-did you have fun too?"

You blink.

Okay, you blink TWICE.

When she doesn't get the hint, you decide to lay it out further--is she out of her GODDAMN MIND?! This whole side-story sucked and you hated every minute of it except for the Casino! Now you're probably gonna DIE because she had to ruin your fishing plan! Extending your BONE CLAWS one last time, you bring them both over your head and shake your head at your 'new friend'--NO, you growl, you DIDN'T HAVE FUN! ZERO OUTTA TEN, WOULDN'T RECOMMEND!

You're pretty sure Periwinkle's about to say something, but your BONE CLAWS beat her to the punch--dicing her into chunks that you're all but certain WON'T come back as a recurring boss, you catch what little breath you have left in your armor as her remains drift away into the shadows.

"Well," Ly mutters, "Dat's one problem solved, huh?"

Sure, you shrug, but that little dance didn't save you from the COLLAPSING FISH CITY. Not to mention how smug Syb's gonna be when you die because you couldn't fish for a bubble!

Kicking a stone in frustration, you pause as it bounces away from you a few times, then starts to head back your way. Raising an eyebrow, it only takes a moment before your whole armored body feels it--a massive current heading in your direction!

Planting your feet firmly on the chum-covered ground, you peer through the growing storm of detritus towards its origin--though you can’t see it, something in your gut tells you to prepare…

SOMEthing is coming!

What’s the plan?!
>HEAD TO THE SURFACE!
>STAND YOUR GROUND AND LASER IT WHEN IT COMES NEAR!
>FLANK IT WITH TALBOT!
>CHAAAAAAARGE! SURPRISE IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5005923
>>STAND YOUR GROUND AND LASER IT WHEN IT COMES NEAR!
>>
>>5005980
>STAND YOUR GROUND!
Writing one last quick update for the evening!
>>
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Your breathing slows as the current pushes past your armor with increasing strength! Coupled with the fatigue from your recent battle and the pain induced by your power, you feel like a twig caught in a storm just waiting to be blown away!

“Here it comes!” Ly grunts as you hear Talbot slowly approach from behind! Though your eye still stings from residual heat, you keep it warmed up just in case as two glowing spheres the size of golf carts appear!

You can’t tell if their owner is about to attack or not, but there’s no time to guess--as the orbs draw closer, you spy a snakelike appendage reaching at you from the darkness!

>ROLL 1d100--I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5006071

IT'S TIME
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5006071
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5006071
>>
>>5006124
>>5006193
>>5006200
>HIGHEST ROLL: 93!!!!

Sorry folks, lots of drama at work today--thank you ALL for your support in the Tourney thus far! Hope we can take it all the way to the bank, but I get it if you vote for Elise--she's a classy gal!

Writing!
>>
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Not today, FREAK! Grinning through the growing searing pain in your eye, you and Talbot line your sights up with the beast lingering in the shadows! Try and eat ole’ Stan, huh? You’re about to make a WHOLE lotta’ FISH ORPHANS!

Lighting up the water with your respective LASER EYES, you give the shadowy figure one last ‘HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, BITCH!’ before blasting a double-order of BURNING DEATH at the hairy creature’s stupid fa-

Waitaminute…

Tackling Talbot like a secret service agent, you knock the giant off-balance and send the two of you tumbling to the silt below!

“No you didn’t, cupcake…” Ly sighs in exasperation.

Okay, maybe you didn’t. It DID do the trick and stop him from firing, though, so doesn’t that count? Looking at you like you just grew antlers, your bodyguard frantically glances between you and the shadowy creature ahead. You don’t speak “Freakish Metallic Skeleton Hitman,” but if you had to guess, you’re pretty sure he’s wondering what the HELL you’re doing!

“Wait a sec...” Ly whispers as he stoops your head forward for a better look, “Is… Is dat’ what I THINK it is?”

You rub the gunk from your BONE ARMOR’S viewports again just to be sure--Sensing your intent, the silhouette cautiously moves into the disk of light created by the pools above revealing a tangled mess of flowing chestnut-colored hair!

“GREETINGS, HUMAN,” rings a voice from inside your head, “YOU HAVE DONE WELL TO MAKE IT THIS FAR.”

You’re not sure if it’s fatigue, pain, or just plain AWE, but something sends a shiver up and down your spine as the fish’s massive glowing eyes look you and Talbot over. Picking your metaphorical jaw off of the ground, you stutter a simple clarifying question:

W-w-who the h-h-HELL is he?!

“I…” The voice continues, “AM P’NAKTOS: WANDERER OF THE DEEP.” A colossal tongue brushes a few locks of hair away from an equally-humongous maw.

“THOUGH YOUR PEOPLE CALL ME… LUDWIG...”

Your usual interrogation is put on hold for a moment as an earsplitting squeal escapes from your lips! HO. LY. SHIT!

“LANGUAGE!” Ly snaps in a wavering voice!

How do… How do you even BEGIN with this guy!?
>BRING HIM TOPSIDE--SYB’S GONNA FLIP!
>GIVE HIM A SNACK FROM YOUR INVENTORY (WHAT ITEM?)
>ASK HIM FOR HELP!
>ATTACK! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5007101
Sorry folks, but that's probably the only update I can manage tonight--today was an absolute SLOG at work. I'll be back FRIDAY though--most likely around 6-7PM PST! Thanks for your patience and congrats on making it through the week--we're almost there!
>>
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>>5007101
>>GIVE HIM A SNACK FROM YOUR INVENTORY (WHAT ITEM?)

Give him the packs of mystery meat.

>>5007103
Not relevant to the quest at all but pic-related.


Also... is the Deep Mother actually a dad?!
>>
>>5007101
>ASK HIM FOR HELP!
>>
>>5007101
>GIVE HIM A SNACK FROM YOUR INVENTORY (WHAT ITEM?) mystery meat
>ASK HIM FOR HELP!
>>
>>5007101
>>GIVE HIM A SNACK FROM YOUR INVENTORY (WHAT ITEM?)
Either mystery meat, or a can of the infinimeat we have
>>
>>5007115
>>5007255
>>5007787
>>5007171
>OFFER SNACK FOR AID!

WRITING!
>>
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The stupefied look plastered on your face morphs into one of devious glee--wait until Syb sees THIS! Noticing you rubbing your hands together with malicious intent, the colossal catfish licks its lips before once again reaching into your mind!

"WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THESE DARK HAUNTS, HUMAN? THE REALMS OF THE DEEP ARE NOT OFT TREAD BY LANDWALKERS..."

You respond with a shrug--what can you say? You go where you're needed! Before Ludwig can reply, the caverns surrounding you quake once again, filling the water around you with dust and pebbles. Waving some debris away with one of his whiskers, the catfish shoots you an accusatory glance.

"... YOUR DOING, I PRESUME?"

No WAY, you sputter jabbing a thumb in Talbot's direction! Nothing was shaking until THIS oaf showed up! As Talbot responds with a surprisingly-human glare, you hear ANOTHER voice in your head--one that you're far more familiar with.

"Hate ta' interrupt, kiddo, but maybe dis' guy can help us out?"

You cock your head to the side. Elaborate.

"Well," Ly continues with a teacher's voice, "Do ya' think 'Catch-of-Da'-Day' over here wants ta' be buried in rubble?"

You relay Ly's question to Ludwig. Does he?

"IT IS NOT YET TIME TO PASS INTO DEEPER WATERS..." He intones. So that's a NO, right?

"IT IS A 'NO'."

Gotcha.

"DAT'S OUR 'IN'!" Ly exclaims, shaking your armored body with his excitement! "Ask him for some help!"

You suppose you can give it a shot, you reply, clearing your throat and adopting a more relaxed stance. Hey freak--you gonna get us outta' here our what?

"BE NICE!" Ly shrieks!

Sheesh, you're trying to get a lift, not BANG the guy... Changing your posture again, you rework your request: would he uh... Would it be AGREEABLE, perchance, to extend a uh... Helping hand in escorting you and your pals out of here? You're a lady, so he HAS to do it!

As Ly borrows your hand to flick your forehead, the monstrous catfish mulls over your negotiation.

"... THE PATH TO WARMER WATERS IS NOT WITHOUT ITS PERILS, LITTLE ONE, AND TO FERRY SO MAN-"

You interrupt the fish by holding a few baggies of MYSTERY MEAT from that serial killer's lair out for him to see. Maybe THESE will change his tune!

"... IT WILL SUFFICE." Ludwig nods. "GATHER YOUR ALLIES AND PREPARE FOR PASSAGE..."

Following his gaze towards the surface, you give the old fish a nod--you'll only need a minute! Giving him one last wave, you take position next to Talbot and snap your fingers a few times--you've got some GLOATING to do!

Gently grabbing you by the shoulders, your bodyguard hops from the silty seafloor up towards the ring of light above!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5008062
Bursting through the surface, you and Talbot are met with a volley of gunfire, magic, and pirate blades! Though the attacks glance off of your BONE ARMOR, you're powerless against the forces of GRAVITY when Talbot releases you to shield himself! Tumbling to the ground like a bag of groceries, you swiftly remove your armor and give your 'friends' a dirty look--what the hell's their problem!?

"Sorry, Stan," Art mutters as he stows his rifle, " You were down there for a while."
"Thought you were one of those fish girls." Mitzi adds, twirling her SCIENCY GUN a few times before holstering it. "... Shame we never picked up one of those hats of theirs... Or tops..."

"Yea," Eddie drools, eyes glazed over imagining it, "Damn shame..."

"So uh... Are we gonna die here or what?" Gus asks, earning a nod from his brother.

"Well,” Syb begins with a smug, yet grin smirk on her face, “unless Stan’s hooked a submarine, it might be best if we all just lay down and d-AAAUUUUUGH!

You couldn’t time Ludwigs’ entrance better if you tried--breaching the water’s edge, the fuzzy fish appears before your group with a cornucopia of reactions! Cupping your ear, you motion for Sybil to continue. What was she saying just now?

“BuhBUHBUhBUh-”

The Goth swoons, falling like a felled tree into Art’s outstretched arms.

“Well,” Tucker coughs, “That explains why you were down there for so long…”

“He’s on our side, right!? Tell me he’s on our side!” Eddie gushes, eyes flashing with delight!

THIS ONE HAS BOUGHT PASSAGE, BUT WE MUST MAKE HASTE.” Ludwig answers, pointing your way with one of his hairy barbs. Before everyone can react to the catfish’ baritone voice, it opens its mouth wide enough for, well, everyone to hop in!

“Ooh no…” Art mutters, struggling under what little Syb weighs, “I’m not walking into anything’s mouth without good reason!”

Art scarcely finishes his sentence before a chunk of ceiling the size of a ZOOMMART crashes through the floor next to him! Trembling from his latest near-death experience, the guard shifts his gaze and Syb’s comatose form in the direction of the fish’s mouth.

“On second thought…”

Laughing heartily, Andre and his pirate band are the first to saunter into Ludwig’s mouth! “Smart lad--you’ll come to zee’ zat’ life doesn’t offer many second chances!” Nudging Art in the ribs with his elbow, Andre gestures for everyone else to follow, prompting Gus, Jay, and Mitzi to follow suit!

“Ho-ly CRAP.” Eddie mutters under his breath as Tucker and Kiki drag him to safety. “My uncle’s gonna FLIP.

Helping Syb and Art inside, you wait for Talbot to duck inside too before rapping your knuckles on one of the fish’ slimy teeth! With a low groan akin to a glacier shifting, the fish’s mouth gently closes, shrouding everyone in a muggy darkness!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5008066
You and your crew sit in silence for a moment before you feel your ride shift beneath your feet!

“So…” Mitzi asks from your left side, “Anyone gonna turn on their flashlights, or are we gonna keep grabbing eachother’s asses?”

“Whoops, sorry!” Eddie yelps!

Whipping out your FLASHLIGHT, three beams illuminate the inside of Ludwig’s mouth--one from you, the other two from Gus and Tucker. Taking a moment to examine your damp surroundings, Eddie’s once again the first to break the silence.

“Shame we can’t see outside--bet we’d have one heck of a view by now!”

“You could just stick your head out between the lips.” Mitz suggests as she gets comfortable against a nearby cheek, prompting a disapproving look from both Tucker and Kiki. “... What?”

“Errr, not that I’m ungrateful or anything, but where exactly are we headed?” Art asks, fanning Syb’s blank face with his glove.

YOU WILL BE RETURNED TO THE SHORE.” Booms the catfish’s voice. “THE SEA IS NO PLACE FOR LANDWALKERS.

You respond with a frown--wait a minute, can’t he drop you off at Rodrigo’s Ship or whatever? Or what about Atlanta? He ever hear of that?

A series of clicks bounces around the inside of the mouth. “THE CITY OF ATLANTIS IS BETTER LEFT BURIED, EVEN WITHOUT ITS NEW TENANTS.

“Aye,” Andre nods, idly trimming the edge of his whiskers with his cutlass, “Zee feesh speaks true--Zee lair of ze SEA WITCH can only be reached wit’ ze gift of WATER-WALKING!

This time it’s Art’s turn to frown. “Is that supposed to be a riddle or something?”

The skeleton shrugs. “I couldn’t say… ‘eard eet from a mate before we were sent on zis’ suicide mission!”

“I ‘eard thar be MAGES what be livin’ thar!” Grunts one of Andre’s pals with a wild look in his eye sockets! “They walk like ghosts on the seafloor wit’ runes of old!”

Runes, huh? You look to your resident RUNE AND OCCULT SPECIALIST for guidance, but she’s still in La-La Land.

“At any rate, zee captain still ‘as ‘is PET DEMON at ‘is beck an’ call.” Andre adds with a shudder. “Eef we signal ‘im from ze’ shore, ‘ell send a skiff to bring us aboard…”

THE TRAVELER IS UNWELCOME IN THESE WATERS,” Ludwig agrees. “BUT WE LACK THE STRENGTH TO BANISH IT OURSELVES…

Great, you groan--you’ll add it to your to-do list! Leaning against Talbot, you ponder your next move--guess you’re stuck with these jerks for a little while! WHAT’S FIRST?

>TALK TO ANDRE!
>CHAT WITH LUDWIG!
>CHECK ON SYB!
>TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
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Hate to say it, all, but that's the last update for tonight--this week's been wild and it's having me update late and tired... I'll definitely be game for more writing SATURDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, but right now I feel like I'm running on half a tank and would rather wait to write better dialogue and such.

Before I go, though, thanks for supporting Stan in the Waifu Tourney--I wasn't expecting her to get as far as she did and I have YOU guys to thank! Thanks again for all of your support and patience--I know it's getting annoying by this point, but it really means a lot!

Thanks for playing along both in and out of this thread--hopefully I'll see you all on Saturday. There's been a lot of art posted in the tourney thread, so I'll leave you with one whipped up by BATHIC OF DROWNED QUEST REDUX before I sign off. Happy Weekend!
>>
>>5008069
>>CHAT WITH LUDWIG!

So... is Ludwig technically the father of all the mermaids?
>>
>>5008069
>CHAT WITH LUDWIG!
Elder fish god might be able to give us advice on the fairy godbitch we acquired
>>
>>5008069
>CHAT WITH LUDWIG!
>>
>>5008082
>>5008123
>>5008222
>CHAT WITH THE CAT!

Writing! Bit early today, but why not?
>>
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Unwrapping and chucking some MYSTERY MEAT into your ride’s gullet, you shake some residual slime off of your hand and sigh--you know, as far as great escapes go, this one is pretty boring!

“Don’t jinx it, idiot.” Art growls, putting a sour look on your face. Fine then, you huff, you’ll just have to make it interesting! Clearing your throat, you try to find an appropriate place to look when addressing the catfish, but you ultimately end up just staring at that weird dangly thing above his throat… The ‘uterus’, right?

THAT IS NOT WHAT IT’S CALLED.” Replies the fish’ deep, ringing voice.

Oh cool, you’ve got his attention! The question is, what do you talk to a fish about anyways?

>TELL US ABOUT ATLANTIS!
>WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT FAIRIES?
>SO WHAT’S HIS RELATION TO THOSE MERMAIDS?
>DOES HE HAVE ANY TIPS FOR DEALING WITH LICHES?
>YOU WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5008544
>>WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT FAIRIES?
>>SO WHAT’S HIS RELATION TO THOSE MERMAIDS?
>>DOES HE HAVE ANY TIPS FOR DEALING WITH LICHES?
>>
>>5008544
>TELL US ABOUT ATLANTIS!
>WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT FAIRIES?
>SO WHAT’S HIS RELATION TO THOSE MERMAIDS?
>DOES HE HAVE ANY TIPS FOR DEALING WITH LICHES?
>>
>>5008544
>WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT FAIRIES?
>SO WHAT’S HIS RELATION TO THOSE MERMAIDS?
>DOES HE HAVE ANY TIPS FOR DEALING WITH LICHES?
>>
>>5008548
>>5008554
>FAIRIES, MERMAIDS, AND LICHES, OH MY!

>>5008550
>THE WHOLE KIT AND CABOODLE

Looks like we're sticking with three questions for now--writing!
>>
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Doing your best to ignore the unidentifiable chunk of… Something... Floating by your feet, you open up the conversation by addressing the elephant in the room: is he, like… The DEEP DAD or something? Seems like he and Mommy would get along. You’re not sure how he does it, but Ludwig perfectly mimics the sound of spitting in disgust!

THE DEEP MOTHER AND HER BROOD ARE SAVAGE SCAVENGERS--BOTTOM FEEDERS IN A SHALLOW POND. LANDWALKERS AND SEA-DWELLERS ALIKE TELL TALES OF THEIR ENTICING SONGS, BUT THEIR OUTWARD BEAUTY HIDES THEIR CRUEL NATURE. MONSTERS MIMICKING THE VOICES OF ANGELS…

“... So that means you’re not the father, then?” Tucker asks, raising an eyebrow.

THE DEEP MOTHER AND HER BROOD ARE FAR MORE OLDER THAN I, BUT WHERE I SEEK KNOWLEDGE AND BEAUTY, THEY SEEK ONLY TO SATE THEIR UNYIELDING HUNGER. I SEE NO NEED TO MINGLE WITH ZEALOTS OR THEIR BLOODTHIRSTY QUEEN.

“Guess you won’t have to anymore,” Mitzi quips over the sound of collapsing rock and tunnels outside. “Queen Bitch and her remaining freaks are probably flattened by now, right?”

A low rumble vaguely resembling a chuckle rings throughout the fish’s mouth! “YOU WOULD BE WISE NOT TO UNDERESTIMATE THE DWELLERS OF THE DEEP--A CITY MAY FALL, HER BROOD MAY DIE, BUT THE DEEP MOTHER IS RESOURCEFUL… AND PATIENT.” Ludwig pauses to let his words settle into your heads. “... SHE WILL WAIT… AND PLAN... AND ONE DAY HER SMILING THRALLS WILL TEMPT LANDWALKERS AND SEA-DWELLERS INTO HER LAIR AGAIN… THUS SPINS THE WHEEL.

You clench your fist in frustration--damn it, if you had known she was a SECRET BOSS-

THAT BATTLE IS NOT FOR YOU, LITTLE ONE,” The voice interrupts, “NOR WILL IT BE FOUGHT TODAY. YOU ALREADY STAND AGAINST A GIANT--DO NOT RUSH BLINDLY INTO ANOTHER.

You roll your eyes. Whatever you say, DAD.

Eddie, Tucker, and Kiki visibly deflate. “So no climactic brawl with a sea monster, huh?” Eddie sighs. “Guess that’s not going in the movie…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5008665
“Don’t be forgettin’ zee DEMON zee captain ‘as on a leash!” Andre interjects! “Ye be fools if you think eet won’t make an appearance!”

Yea, yea, you’ll deal with it when you see it! Besides, you’ve got bigger fish to fry-

A confused rumble escapes from Ludwig’s throat. Whoops. You mean, uh… You’ve got BIGGER problems! Speaking of… This fish seems to know a thing or two about creeps--what’s he got on FAIRIES?

“Cripes, Stan, not ‘DIS again…” Ly mutters.

“What, you mean that episode you had back at the High School?” Art asks, leaning Syb against the side of Ludwig’s mouth like a ladder. “Are you still thinking about that?”

Of COURSE you are, you shout! Ly’s been getting all sorts of neat powers because of all the weird tasks you’ve been doing!

“Hate ta’ burst your bubble, kiddo, but dat’s just talent.” Ly explains in a smug tone. “MY talent.”

He’s only talented at PISSING YOU OFF! Stomping your foot in the pool of… Whatever it is at your feet, you reiterate your question: FAIRIES! What’s the scoop?!

TRAVELERS FROM DISTANT WATERS PEDDLING MISERY AND PAIN. PLAYFUL SPRITES TO SOME, WRETCHED TORMENTORS TO OTHERS...” Explains the fish. “THEY ENSNARE THE WEAK WITH PROMISES AND BAUBLES, BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE: THEY ALONE BENEFIT IN THE END…

“So how do you get rid of ‘em?” Gus asks, raising a bushy eyebrow with interest.

LIKE OTHER TRAVELERS, THEY HIDE THEIR TRUE NATURE BEHIND ‘RULES’ AND ‘CONTRACTS’.” Ludwig continues in a measured tone. “WHEN THEIR PREY VIOLATES THEIR TERMS THE FACADE FALLS, BUT THE FAE WOULD NOT DARE BREAK THEM THEMSELVES…

“... Because then they’d look like hypocrites, right?” Mitzi asks, idly twirling her SCIENCY GUN.

PRECISELY. A PREDATOR WITH NO CAMOUFLAGE IS JUST THAT--A HUNTER. A THREAT.” A series of gurgles bounce around the fish’s mouth. “TO OPPOSE THE FAE IS TO SWIM AGAINST THE STORM--THEY ARE LEGION.

No, you growl, they’re ’FAIRIES!’ Speak ENGLISH!

... THEY MUST BE BEATEN ON THEIR OWN TERMS.” Ludwig continues. “USE THEIR RULES AGAINST THEM, BUT SWIM SOFTLY--LIKE THE DEEP MOTHER THEY ARE PATIENT PREDATORS…

You nod impatiently and utter a few ‘I see’s to imply that you get the picture. Words are nice and all, but you’d be pleased as punch if someone could just give you a DEMON-SLAYING GUN or something!

“Don’t be rude.” Ly growls. You’re NOT!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5008666
“Since we’re on the subject,” Art adds, “Do you know anything about LICHES? It’s kinda on the top of our docket right now…”

LANDWALKER SORCERY.” Ludwig growls with a hint of disdain. “POWER-HUNGRY FOOLS GRIPPING TO LIFE LIKE A CHILD REFUSING TO PART WITH A TOY. THOUGH SOME SHOW MORE TALENT THAN OTHERS, ALL LICHES MEET THE SAME END.

You frown. That sounds like a bummer.

IT IS INDEED ‘A BUMMER.’” Replies your ride. “NECROMANCY IS A PECULIAR ART--THOUGH INGESTING THE LIFEBLOOD OF OTHERS GIVES ONE POWER, THE PRACTITIONER MUST BE WILLING TO PUT THEIR OWN ENERGY INTO THEIR THRALLS…

“Syb mentioned dat’, didn’t she?” Ly remarks with interest. “Alla’ TIM’S LIEUTENANTS hold a bit of his power!” You nod--seems like the other boneheads do as well.

“‘Tis true…” Andre nods. “Zee liche’s will ees always there… Like a ‘eadache after drinking too much rum, non?”

“I’ve been thinking: what would happen if you uh… Ate the big guy’s marrow, Stan?” Art asks, looking at you with uncertainty. “You’ve been getting powers that way, right?”

You shrug. Maybe you’ll get LICH POWERS!

“Or he’ll get yours.” Gus suggests, causing a blanket of unease to settle over your pals. You uh… You never considered that.

POWER IS FLEETING...” Ludwig concludes, “AND FOR LANDWALKERS AND SEA-DWELLERS ALIKE, DEATH IS INEVITABLE. DO NOT WASTE WHAT LITTLE TIME YOU HAVE CHASING DOWN GRAINS OF SAND FOR YOUR HOURGLASS--LIVE A GOOD LIFE AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS--TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE.

Sheesh, you mutter, did he ever consider doing like… Motivational Speeches or something?

NO.

Shame. Shifting to a more comfortable spot against Talbot, it finally occurs to you that the giant’s hands have been resting on your shoulders this whole time! Spinning around to face him, you feel them both swiftly return to his side as he makes a vague attempt at whistling a familiar tune! HEY!

WE DRAW CLOSE TO OUR DESTINATION.” Ludwig interrupts as you feel your ears pop. “DO NOT DAWDLE--THESE WATERS ARE FAR MORE TREACHEROUS THAN BEFORE…

Furrowing your brow at your bodyguard, you let out a resigned sigh as you look around the mouth--guess you’ve got time for ONE MORE THING, if any!

>ASK ANDRE SOMETHING!
>ASK LUDWIG ONE MORE THING!
>CHECK ON SYB!
>EXAMINE SOMETHING FROM YOUR INVENTORY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5008668
>>CHECK ON SYB!
>>
>>5008668
>ASK LUDWIG ONE MORE THING!
Does he have anything on this demon that got summoned? Might be good to start reconning now.
>>
>>5008800
>>5008668
>>5008789

Support. Changing my vote.
>>
>>5008800
>>5008802
>THE DOWNLOW ON DEMONS!

Writing!
>>
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For a moment you briefly consider checking up on Syb, but you reconsider when she slowly regains consciousness. She’s always so dramatic, that one...

“Wh-where are-” The Goth’s eyes widen as the realization kicks in. “Oh… Oh my...” Shaking off the residual daze, Sybil notices Art watching her with concern and gives him a smile, then sees you staring and goes pale again. Well… PaleER.

“... Oh NO…

You give your purple-haired pal a malicious grin--oh YES. The dead look in her eyes says it all: she knows you’re never gonna let her live this down!

“Stan…” She mumbles in an uncertain voice, “Stan, yo-”

One moment, Syb, you reply with a wider grin, you’ve got some more questions for LUDWIG: THE LEGENDARY FUR-BEARIN’ CATFISH. Who YOU found. While FISHING!

A defeated whimper escapes the Goth’s lips as you turn your attention back to the fish’s Urethra-

“WRONG PART!” Ly shouts, sending you off-balance! Jesus, FINE, whatever the dangly thing is called! You’re not a FISHINARIAN or whatever!

Shaking off your skeleton’s rude interruption, you attempt to get one more question in before your trip ends--he seems like a pretty-informed fish--does he know anything about where this SEA DEMON came from? Or how you can send it back?

NO MATTER THEIR ORIGIN, NO TRAVELER CAN EXIST IN THESE WATERS INDEFINITELY.” Ludwig answers, causing Syb to jump in surprise! “THEIR MATERIAL FORMS ARE TRANSITORY--AND LIKE SEAFOAM ON THE SHORE THEY ALL FADE AWAY IN TIME…

Cool, cool… Suppose you DON’T want to wait for it to become bored--how the heck do you get rid of it? The walls of the catfish’s massive mouth shift as Ludwig thinks of an answer.

TO SUSTAIN THEIR PRESENCE IN THESE WATERS, TRAVELERS REQUIRE VAST AMOUNTS OF ENERGY--AMOUNTS THAT ONLY MASTER DEMONOLOGISTS CAN PREPARE…

“Guessing that means ATLANTIS....” Art mutters, earning a nod from Syb.

A POSSIBILITY INDEED. WITHOUT THIS ENERGY, THE TRAVELER WILL RETURN TO WHENCE IT CAME… THOUGH REACHING THE SUNKEN CITY IS NO SIMPLE FEAT FOR LANDWALKERS…

“An’ zee demon is sure to be nearby when not guarding zee captain!” Andre adds! “No inch of sea ees’ safe!”

You frown--how tough is this thing, anyways? Sounds much easier to just kick it’s ass until it runs away!

STRONG THOUGH YOU MAY BE, YOU WOULD FIGHT THE DEMON ON ITS TERMS.” Ludwig replies. “KNOW THIS: THE TRAVELER IS NO SIMPLE MERMAID…

“Eef we are lucky, zee captain an’ ‘is mateys won’t ‘ave time to summon zee beast…” Andre explains, earning a few ‘aye’s from his pals. “An’ eet will be easier to deal a decisive blow!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5008874
You and your team members turn to face your temporary allies.

“Why are you so eager to kill your boss anyways?” Mitzi asks, raising an eyebrow the skeleton’s way. “Besides the obvious, of course.”

Andre’s eye socket narrows. “I live by a simple code: don’t kill me, I don’t kill you. Zee captain ‘as violated zat code more zen enough times--zis’ TREASURE ‘UNT being zee newest!”

Understandable, you nod. As per usual, stealth seems to be the best way to go here. If it comes to an all-out fight, though, well…

“Then we do what we always do.” Art shrugs. “Haven’t died yet…”

As the rest of your crew shares their support, you feel your ride slow down a bit!

WE HAVE ARRIVED. PREPARE YOURSELVES.” Seconds after his warning, Ludwig opens his mouth revealing a secluded beach illuminated only by your flashlights! As a refreshing wave of cool air washes over you, you lead the charge onto the sandy shore ahead and are the first to step back onto good ole’ Terra Firma!

“Oh thank GOD!” Eddie gushes, kissing the nearest pile of sand he can find! “Never thought I’d see CLEARWATER again!”

“Yea,” Tucker replies as he takes a deep breath of the smoky air, “Feels like we’ve been underground for ages!”

“Pretty sure the van and the caves are just down the street.” Mitzi reports as she airs her hair out. “Not bad, fish.”

“Zere ees no feeling quite like returning to shore!” Andre laughs as he and his mateys take a moment to feel the sand between their boney toes! As Gus takes Jay aside to talk and Ludwig stops for a quick breather on the shore, you ponder your next move!

>CHECK IN WITH GUS! WHAT’S HAPPENING?
>ASK ANDRE ABOUT THAT DAMN PEARL!
>TAKE A PICTURE WITH LUDWIG!
>HEAD TO THE VAN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5008876
>ASK ANDRE ABOUT THAT DAMN PEARL!
>>
>>5008876
>>ASK ANDRE ABOUT THAT DAMN PEARL!
>>
>>5009024
>>5009035
>THE PEAAAARRRRL

Writing!
>>
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As the breeze caresses your sweat-speckled hair and your shoes sink into the cigarette butt-laden sand, your moment of respite is shattered by a sudden realization! Whipping around to face Andre and his cronies, you can barely sputter out your next sentence: the PEARL! You forgot all about it!

“Aye, zat’ would be quite zee problem…” The pirate nods, running a bony hand through his whiskers! Wait a minute--which arm was he missing before?

“Come, Stanley--did I ever tell ye zee story of ZEE SACK OF MERLAIS?” The name elicits a round of laughs from Andre’s pals, but you fail to see the point--err, no, you reply.

“Magnifique!” The pirate laughs. “Gather around, lubbers, an’ I will tell you one of zee MANY tales of my daring adventures!”

“Sounds like he’s gettin’ ready ta’ sell us somethin’.” Ly mutters as the rest of your crew scoots in. Clearing his nonexistent throat, the pirate begins his tale…

BANG!” The sudden shout causes you to leap into the air! “Zee explosion was ‘eard across zee colonies zat night, mon amis… For it ‘eralded zee defeat of zee greedy GOVERNOR DELEMUE an’ ‘is IRON GUARD!

“How?!” Mitzi exclaims with uncharacteristic enthusiasm!

“All in good time, ma cherie!” Andre answers with a roguish wink! “For you zee, before ‘ell boiled over, zee town of MERLAIS was zee gem of zee Atlantic--a thrivin’ sugar plantation an’ port, it was said zat’ ALL sailors, old or new, would drift into eet’s docks!”

Nice story, but not what you asked for, you growl!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5009089
“Very well, very well… Zee port ‘ad a reputation for two things: first, eet’ ‘eld zee treasure of countless ships an’ seamen--a right fortune, it was! Second, eet’s vaults were IMPENETRABLE!”

The skeleton leans close with a conspiratorial grin. “Eet was said zat’ zee’ men guarding zat’ post were ‘and-picked by God ‘imself--zat’ each one was worth ten gentlemen of fortune such as meself! An’ you didn’t ‘ave to take anyone’s affadavy--pulling into port yee’d be greeted by zee rotting corpses of would-be thieves ‘angin’ from zee fortress walls!”

“So what happened?” Gus asks, reentering the circle with his brother in tow.

“What do you think? We attacked, we did!” Replies a stocky member of Andre’s gang with a laugh! The butcher gives his man a long, hard look, but it swiftly subsides!

“Aye, zat we did! Wit’ nary but a sloop an’ a ‘andful of men, we pounded zee walls wit’ cannons an’ kegs! Zey thought us mad, zey did, but those guards, tough as zey come… Zey couldn’t ‘it us!”

“But you couldn’t do anything either, right?” Syb asks, leaning in with interest.

“Aye, eet was a stalemate, eet was.” Andre nods knowingly. “An’ just when zee bombs an’ bullets grew to a din zat’ would rival ‘ell itself, zee sloop left!”

“Wait, just like that?” Eddie asks, exchanging confused glances with Kiki and Tucker.

“Just like zat.” Andre replies with a mischievous smile. “An’ when zee guards returned to zee vault, zey found eet’ RANSACKED! Nothing was left, not even zee’ Governor’s prized portrait!” Stifling a chuckle, the pirate sweeps his gaze across his audience. “Now, my dears--’ow do you suppose ‘zat ‘appened?”

Oh man, how DID it ‘appen? If you had to guess…
>THEY HAD AN INSIDE MAN!
>THE EXPLOSIONS MADE A PASSAGE!
>THE BATTLE WAS A DISTRACTION!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5009090
>>THEY HAD AN INSIDE MAN!
>>
>>5009093
>INSIDE MAN!

Writing!
>>
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You blurt the answer out before anyone else can look smart--isn’t it obvious? They had an INSIDE MAN! Check please!

The pirate quietly stares at you for a moment or two, then bursts into laughter along with his friends!

“‘Inside Man?’ Non, ye’ blige head--zat’s not eet at all!”

“Nice one, Stan.” Mitzi jokes, prompting everyone to point and laugh! Oh no, even Talbot and Ludwig are doing it!

MORALE -1!

Regaining his composure, Andre takes a few more deep breaths before continuing his tale! “Ahhh… Non, zee truth ees zat we left only a scant few men aboard zee sloop--a right ‘SKELETON CREW,’ ey, maties?!”

The pirates erupt into another round of patella-slapping laughter, but you don’t care--you’re still mad! AND he never told you about the damn pearl!

“Aye, aye…” The pirate nods, clearly pleased with himself. “So while zee men on zee sloop fired upon zee walls, zee OTHERS took a skiff ‘round zee back an’ scaled zee cliffs!”

“And you took everything while they were distracted.” Tucker guesses, earning a round of ‘YAR’s from the pirates!

“Zat was just one of my many tales, but eet’ ‘olds a special significance in my ‘art!” Andre explains. “You see, Stanley, eet doesn’t matter ‘ow many mates you ‘ave, nor does eet matter ‘ow well trained zey are!” As Andre explains himself, his previously-missing arm skitters around his chest like a manic tarantula! “As long as you ‘ave zee right distraction, you could steal zee beard ‘airs off of God ‘imself!”

Pausing to rest on his head, Andre’s hand on his missing arm opens up revealing a SHIMMERING ORB sitting daintily between his fingers! Barely bigger than a marble, the MERMAID’S TEAR shines with an unnatural hue, bathing you, your friends, and the beach sands in a soft multicolored hue!

“You may applaud now.”

Blinking a few times just to be sure, a goofy grin emerges across your face!

“Holy crap, he actually DID it!” Eddie gushes, earning a theatrical bow from the pirate. He sure DID!

>CONTD.
>>
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“Eeh, eet was much easier wit’ our new… Gifts...” Andre explains, rattling his ribcage for emphasis. “But zee prison riot made eet far easier. For zat, Stanley, you ‘ave my thanks!”

With a flourish of his hand, the pirate holds the pearl out for you to take. Wait, you mutter under your breath, is… Is he seriously-

“You aim to send zee captain to Davey Jones...” Andre remarks. “An’ you bested my RAT of a brother--I could KISS you for zat!”

A creeping, uncomfortable feeling worms its way up your stomach and onto your face.

“... But erm... I won’t.” The pirate quickly adds. “My men and I will ‘elp, zo… Our blades are yours!” Shoving the TEAR closer to your face, the pirate looks at you expectantly. “Come now, do you REALLY believe I ‘ad a care for zis’ pearl? We merely wished to ESCAPE! I know ow’ to signal zee MANATEE-- zee only question now ees what to do wit’ zee good captain’s treasure!”

“A cure-all, huh?” Art remarks, drawing closer to get a better look. “Think it could cure T’s baldness?”

Laughing at his own joke, Art quickly regains his composure when no one else laughs. “Err… Seriously though, do you think it could fix him?”

Looking at your bodyguard, you shrug--this thing didn’t exactly come with an instruction manual, did it? Didn’t everyone talk about how it might turn skeletons into dust or something?

“It certainly MIGHT.” Syb replies, approaching as well. “But it might NOT either… My biggest concern is whether or not we’ll need this later… I can sense some powerful magic inside…”

“Wonder what human Talbot would be like, anyways?” Mitzi muses to herself. “Think he’d be a talker? I bet he’d be a talker.”

“Woah there--even if it DOES work, what if all of his powers go away?” Eddie adds! “What if he doesn’t remember anything?”

“What if we leave him the way he is, though?” Tucker counters. “Who’s to say the lich won’t regain control over him or something?”

“Could always just save it.” Gus grunts, nodding in Syb’s direction. “Would suck if we needed one later.”

“Zee choice is yours, mon ami.” Andre concludes as he places the PEARL in your hand. “And quite a choice it is!”

“We’ve only got ONE, Stan…” Art warns. “Don’t drop it…”

Examining the shining bauble, you feel unease settle into your chest--you’re usually good at these choices, but man… This is a STUMPER! What should you DO?

>KEEP IT FOR LATER!
>GIVE IT TO ANDRE! MAYBE HE CAN USE IT IN A PLAN!
>HOLD ON TO IT--YOU’VE GOT A SKELETON PAL OR TWO TO TRY IT ON!
>GIVE IT TO TALBOT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>5009171
And I hate to say it, but that's all, folks--falling asleep at the keyboard! I'll check in SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, though, so think hard until then!

See you next time!
>>
>>5009171
>>KEEP IT FOR LATER!

Let’s nerf Talbot when we have more info on the pearl
>>
>>5009171
>KEEP IT FOR LATER!
>>
>>5009171
>KEEP IT FOR LATER!
>>
>>5009171
>>GIVE IT TO TALBOT!
Just voting for this because its not gonna happen, but I'm here for Talbot husbando
>>
>>5009213
>>5009171

Switching to this cause, if I remember correctly, all there is standing between Talbot murdering Stan is some sciencey patch or something. Someone confirm this.

Also Stan needs a man.
>>
>>5009202
changing vote to
>GIVE IT TO TALBOT!
>>
>>5009199
>SAVE IT FOR A RAINY DAY!

>>5009213
>>5009225
>>5009231
>GIVE TO TALBOT!

Writing!
>>
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Rolling the pearl between your fingers, your eyes lock with Talbot’s as he watches you with an indecipherable expression.

STAAAAAAAN….” He grunts, not bothering to elaborate further. Biting your lip as you try in vain to read his expression, you find yourself unable to come to any other conclusion.

Let’s do it.

“Wh-really?” Art stammers, clearly surprised! “You’d… You’d really do that?”

Of course you would, you snap! The only thing keeping him from murdering you is some weird sciencey crap that dweeb DENISE whipped up--she’s probably playing the long con to steal your SWEET BATHTUB back at THE LODGE!

“Hang on,” Mitz interrupts, “What kind of tub are we talking about here?”

“Who cares about the tub?!” Eddie exclaims! “What if it kills him? What if he loses all of his superpowers? You really wanna’ take that chance?”

Frowning at the ground, you search your head for an answer--your pals have some good points, but-

“... But you still want to try.” Looking up from the sand, your gaze meets Syb’s, who gives you an uncharacteristically warm smile. “If anything you’d like to pay him back, right, Stan? That’s what you were going to say.”

Blinking a few times, you respond with a nod--y-yea! You figure he’s earned it, that’s all! Dude gave you his eye, for crying out loud--why wouldn’t you try to make him human again?

“Humanity be overrated, but aye--t’would be far better suited for one who not been dead a spell.” Andre nods knowingly. “Better to be dyin’ a man than living a slave, non?”

“Anyone check if he wants it?” Gus grunts, causing the conversation to fall silent. Taking his words into consideration, you look to Talbot’s hood-obscured face for a response. Studying you with his remaining eye for a few moments, he finally gives you a small, but firm, nod.

“That’s that, then.” Gus shrugs.

“Guess so.” Eddie sighs with a shrug. “What do you think, Lud?”

I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE. CAN I LEAVE NOW?” Replies the voice in your head with a pinch of impatience. As you prepare to hand over the MERMAID’S TEAR, Kiki tugs on Tucker’s sleeve and whispers a few words in his ear.

“Good point, K.” Turning your way, Tucker gestures down the shore in what you assume to be the direction of the CAVE PARKING LOT. “Kiki thinks we should do this by the VAN in case, uh… In case of complications.

You nod. Talbot’s been patient--he can wait another minute or two, right?

“And it’ll give us a chance ta’ think it over.” Ly adds. Yea, that too.

In the meantime though, what’s next?

>CHECK IN WITH GUS! WHAT’S HAPPENING?
>TAKE A PICTURE WITH LUDWIG!
>HEAD TO THE VAN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5009573
>>TAKE A PICTURE WITH LUDWIG!
>>HEAD TO THE VAN!

We need supreme proof that we caught the catfish
>>
>>5009573
>TAKE A PICTURE WITH LUDWIG!
>HEAD TO THE VAN!
>>
>>5009585
>>5009604
>ONE QUICK PIC AND WE'RE GONE!

Writing!
>>
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No doubt about it--after the last few hours you’ve all but had enough of the beach! Stowing the MERMAID’S TEAR in your inventory for now, you nod to your friends--time to relieve the captain of his duties!

“About time!” Art says with a smirk! “Feels like I’m gonna fall asleep on my feet…”

“Ditto.” Eddie adds, wiping some sweat from his forehead. “Can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think I’ve had my fill of THE WAILING CAVERNS…

“Don’t say that, man,” Tucker interrupts in a concerned voice, “Give it a few days--you’ll be taking girls on crappy dates again before you know it!”

“Definitely puts all of my SCUBA trips in a new light…” Mitzi sulks, ignoring Tucker and Eddie’s shove-fight growing in intensity. “Still gonna do it, of course, but still.”

“Shall we, then?” Syb asks in almost TOO eager tone! Nice try, jerk, but there’s ONE more thing you wanna do!

Stuffing your CELLPHONE into the Goth’s pale hands, you stride over to Ludwig’s side and grin--what’s she waiting for? You’re ready for your close-up!

“O-Oh, of c-course!” Syb stammers, your phone shaking in her trembling hands! “H-how could I forget…”

How indeed? Turning to look at the massive fish, you raise an eyebrow expectantly. He uh… He doesn’t mind if you take a picture, does he?

ONLY IF YOU SHOW ME IT WHEN WE’RE DONE.” He replies. “I DON’T WANT TO LOOK FAT.

No sweat! Motioning for Syb to let ‘er rip, you strike an appropriate pose as your pale reluctantly takes a few photos! Depositing the phone in your outstretched hand, Syb plants her hands on her hips and looks at you expectantly.

“Well?”

Well, you reply, they look pretty convincing! Holding your device out for Ludwig to examine, the fish responds with a low, rumbling gurgle.

NOT MY BEST, BUT IT IS ACCEPTABLE.

Good enough for you! Patting the fish’s damp fur, you give him a nod of thanks--he really helped you out back there!

WE COME FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS, LANDWALKERS AND SEA-DWELLERS, BUT ALL CREATURES FOLLOW THE SAME CURRENT… FARE WELL IN YOUR CRUSADE, STANLEY, AND TELL YOUR PEOPLE TO PICK UP THEIR PLASTIC--IT PISSES US OFF.

Your team waves goodbye as Ludwig sinks back into the waves, vanishing into the seafoam like he was never there at all… Looking through your pics one more time, you nod to your comrades--time to hit the road!

>CONTD.
>>
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The trek along the coastline is quiet, save for the rhythmic roar of the waves against the sand. Aside from the sound of distant gunfire in the city, a part of you finds it… Well… Peaceful.

“Looks a lot different than it does during the day.” Mitzi remarks as she sidesteps a cluster of seaweed. “... And when all of the streetlights are out.”

“It’s certainly nicer without all of the tourists.” Art mutters, kicking a used needle out of his path. “And there’s plenty of parking, too.”

“We oughta’ come back and have a beach day!” Eddie suggests, earning a round of perplexed looks. “Y-you know… AFTER all of this is over.”

“I’m not much of a beach bum,” Syb explains, holding out a pale arm for emphasis, “... But I suppose I could make an exception.”

NOOOO SWEEEAAAAAAT…” Talbot adds, earning some well-deserved laughs from the others! You’re imagining what kind of swimwear Talbot would wear when you spot it--far behind you lies the CLEARWATER PIER-- a relic of simpler times before skeletons walked the earth and you had to make all the tough decisions. Following your gaze, Syb gently wraps her arm around your shoulder.

“You’ll have quite a few people to talk to once this is all over, huh?” She asks in a soft voice. You nod--you’ve got one hell of an excuse, that’s for damn sure.

“One step atta’ time, right?” Ly remarks in a good-natured tone! “Focus on da’ now, cupcake!”

Shaking the nostalgia off, you nod--he’s right. You’ve still got a few more skeletons to stomp!

“Speaking of,” Gus interjects, “Guess this is our stop.”

A flight of sand-caked stairs leads upwards into a familiar parking area--the rusty fence surrounding it labeled ‘CAVE PARKING ONLY!’ Ascending to the top, you’re met with a distressing sight--though your van and Gus’ bike remain unscathed, the WAILING CAVERNS BUILDING resembles a Victorian-Era factory! Though the structure remains intact, thick plumes of dust and debris escape from every door, window, and crack they can find, and as you draw closer your nostrils are met with the acrid smell of ozone and burning metal!

“Wow.” Mitzi remarks as she sends a sympathetic look in Eddie’s direction. “Guess they’re gonna be closed for renovations, huh?”

As Eddie watches in abject horror, you’re distracted by Gus and his brother Jay heading for the bike--holy cow, you totally forgot he was with you!

“Where are you guys off to?” Art asks, glancing between you and the brothers.

“Takin’ Jay to the Pizza Shop.” The delivery man replies, prompting a friendly wave from his sibling.

“Err… Okay?” Art replies with a confused look on his face. “You uh… You cool with that, Stan?”

Are you?
>YEP! CATCH YA LATER, GUS!
>YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL AFTER WE USE THE PEARL?
>WE NEED YOU FOR THE PIRATE SHIP!
>SOMEONE ELSE CAN TAKE JAY! (WHO?)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5009680
>>YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL AFTER WE USE THE PEARL?
>>
>>5009680
>YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL AFTER WE USE THE PEARL?
>>
>>5009687
>>5009756
>CAN IT WAIT?!

Whoops, got distracted by a TV show--we're still here! Writing!
>>
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No, you reply with a stomp of your foot, you AREN’T! Charging over to Gus and his brother, you jab a finger into his chest--is he INSANE?!

“Probably not.”

That’s not what it sounds like to you! Jabbing a finger towards Talbot, you raise an eyebrow as you continue your rant. Is he seriously considering running off before you give the pearl to Talbot? Without even saying ‘Get Well Soon’?

“I uh…”

Look at what you’re doing to Big T, Gus! LOOK! Standing on your tiptoes, you grab Gus by the cheeks and tilt his head in the direction of your bodyguard, his obscured face somehow resembling a dog’s when their master’s about to leave the house! Seeing his horrible mistake, Gus looks at you with as much embarrassment as his face can conjure!

“My bad.”

Taking the closest thing you’re going to get to a heartfelt apology, you release the delivery man’s face from your vise-grip and nod--apology accepted… For NOW!

“Oh yea, before I forget.”

Before you can proceed, Jay reaches into his seawater-soaked suit and fishes out a laminated card with his face and a few other details printed on it. It even comes with a lanyard! Sweet!

“You guys rescued me, so I guess you can have this.”

Taking it from his outstretched hand, you examine the card a bit further and spot a magnetic strip on the back. Must be a KEYCARD or something!

“Yep, for CITY HALL.” Jay nods. “Figure you could use it, or something.”

Stuffing it into your inventory, you give Gus’ brother a smile--it certainly couldn’t hurt! That settled, you and the others approach your vehicles and settle in for… Well, whatever’s about to happen.

INVENTORY PASTEBIN UPDATED! AND THE IMGUR!

>CONTD.
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>>5009869
“Alright,” Eddie begins, trying to fend off the growing sense of unease in the air, “Do we uh… Should we lay out a rug or something? How does this even work?”

“Now that you mention it,” Tucker mutters to himself, “We don’t really have instructions, do we?”

Feeling Talbot burn an uneasy stare into the back of your head, you take charge and ask the foremost authority on your team--Andre, did the captain mention anything about how to use it?

The pirate idly scratches his whiskers. “He didn’t mince words about zee details, non… But zee mermaids WERE rather fond of eating things, so…” Ending his sentence with a vague hand gesture, you shift your gaze to Syb. She’s up!

“I’m at a loss as well, I’m afraid...” She explains with a sheepish grin on her face. “But if the pearl’s container is weak enough then Andre might be correct--it IS small enough to be ingested, after all…”

“Well gee, I’M convinced.” Mitzi quips as she leans against the van. “It’s magic, right? It’s bound to do something as long as we give it to the big guy.”

“Still,” Art mutters as a troubled look forms on his face, “We’re not really sure what the outcome of this is gonna be, are we?”

Unease forms in your chest. What’s that supposed to mean?

“I…” Art begins, words trailing off into the night air, “Look, I don’t wanna sound grim here, but before we try this out, shouldn’t we er…” The guard lets out a deep breath before turning your way. “Do… Should we uh… Say anything? Just in case something goes wrong?”

You respond with a frown--is he stupid or something? Nothing’s gonna go wrong--it’s a CURE-ALL, not a KILL-ALL!

“Right, sorry…” Art stammers, looking down at his boots. “I just thought… You know what, never mind.”

An uncomfortable silence falls over the group as you consider his words--YOU’RE never wrong, of course, but… You know… In the off-chance that you ARE wrong for once…

What would you like to say to Talbot?
>TELL HIM HE’S BEEN A HUGE HELP!
>TELL HIM HE’S YOUR FRIEND!
>TELL HIM, UH… TH-THAT… YOU’D BE REALLY ANNOYED IF HE DIED!
>TELL HIM THAT HE’S GONNA BE FINE NO MATTER WHAT!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>5009872
>TELL HIM, UH… TH-THAT… YOU’D BE REALLY ANNOYED IF HE DIED!
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>>5009872
>>TELL HIM, UH… TH-THAT… YOU’D BE REALLY ANNOYED IF HE DIED!
>>
>>5009872
>TELL HIM, UH… TH-THAT… YOU’D BE REALLY ANNOYED IF HE DIED!
>>
>>5009883
>>5009893
>>5009935
>I-IT'S NOT LIKE I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU OR ANYTHING!

Writing! Sorry again for the wait--Sundays are just packed, man!
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Turning your attention to your killer-turned-bodyguard, the uneasiness in your chest grows tenfold as he regards you with an almost pleading look. Sure, you wouldn’t want to lose anyone on your team, but after that close call with Art, well…

Suddenly your friends don’t seem as invincible.

And then there’s Talbot. Your first impression was strained, to say the least--ambushing you at school after a particularly-draining battle with Cliff’s old pal Rocky, the tenacious bastard must have followed you halfway across town TWICE in a dogged attempt to put you in the ground. If he was any other skeleton that might have been the end of it, but not him--no siree.

Sure, you had a bit of a rough start where he gouged out your eyeball, but once Denise’s science crap started working, well… Things changed. Helping you escape from the lab, the standoff at the dam, hell, he even gave you a replacement eyeball! When you and your friends were fighting for your lives in a fish girl-infested hellhole, he tore a natural wonder of the world apart just to get you out safely!

In brief, Talbot’s okay in your book. Maybe more than okay. Okay, VERY okay. All of those reasons should make it easier to say something reassuring, right? So why can’t you SAY SOMETHING?!

Approaching the giant like a hangman approaching the execution block, you feel a faint tremble in your extremities as you draw closer--one that only grows in intensity as you stop in front of him. Digging the MERMAID’S TEAR out from your pockets, you unconsciously avert your eyes from his gaze as the others wait for you to act.

So you do. Tackling him like a football practice dummy, you hold him in a close embrace as every possible bad outcome races through your head. Feeling a massive, yet gentle hand pat your back, you recoil quickly to save face, then sputter out some words as best as you can! You don’t know what’s gonna happen, you explain, idly fussing with your hair, but you know one thing for certain: you are gonna be REALLY peeved if he dies or something bad happens! It’s gonna be BIBLICAL!

Briefly glancing at the giant’s face, you swiftly avert your eyes one more time as you feel his bearing down upon you. With an exaggerated sigh, you extend the pearl towards Talbot and do your best not to react when you feel him take it.

“Whatever happens, T, you’re one hell of a guy.” Art remarks.

“You heard Stan--don’t piss her off.” Mitzi adds.

NOOO…. SWEAAAAAAT…

Talbot’s catchphrase is punctuated by the sound of something being swallowed. Looking back at your bodyguard, he almost looks at peace as the magical orb settles into his stomach.

That is, until it starts to glow...

>CONTD.
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You’re pretty sure he isn’t going to explode, but that doesn’t stop you from diving to the ground as a rainbow of lights escape from Talbot’s coat!

“STAN!”

Pulled to a safe distance by Eddie and Art, you watch helplessly as the giant roars in agony! Convulsing as if he were being electrocuted, your bodyguard slams against the side of the van and sends it rocking back and forth like a cradle!

“He’s gonna wreck the van!” Art shouts, moving to pull him away! Before the guard can get close, however, he’s intercepted by Mitzi and Gus whose combined effort manages to pull him back! Watching from what you hope is a safe distance, Talbot’s jerky dance culminates in a storm of lights akin to the end of a fireworks show! Engulfed in the display, your bodyguard gives you one last look before disappearing into a blinding light that sends you and your friends reeling to the parking lot pavement!

You’re not sure how long you lay there--you spend at least a minute or five trying to blink back your vision and another three or eight getting rid of the blur. The fuzz is only half-gone when you hear a faint hiss in the direction of the van--one that slowly morphs into recognizable words in an unrecognizable voice!

OoOouugh…. What…. What the hell?

Scrambling to your feet, you fight through the nausea and double-vision and rush over to what you assume is the van--though you have a bit of a close call with Gus’ bike, it doesn’t take long for you to locate the source of the voice!

“W-who… Who’s there?”

Lying at your feet is a messy-haired boy who can’t be much older than you. As your sight slowly returns, you find yourself looking at a pair of dazed eyes--one brown, one red--the latter matching your replacement eye and his mahogany-colored hair. Sensing your presence, the human shifts weakly in his baggy clothes and addresses you as if he just woke up.

“Is… Is that you, Stan?”

You unconsciously bite your nip as you nod a response--yea, you whisper, it’s you.

“Come..” He whispers, “Come closer… So I can… So I can see…”

With a hasty ‘sure’, you lean in close to give him a better look. Pursing his lips, the boy studies you for a moment as if trying to solve a puzzle.

“It is you…” He mutters, a smile creeping onto his lips.

Yep, you reply with a smile of your own.

With a faint chuckle, Talbot lets out a sigh of relief.

Then promptly FLICKS you in the forehead!

>CONTD.
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https://youtu.be/9fAwnyBD5lw
Whether it’s due to surprise or the force behind his finger, you stumble backwards while uttering a pained ‘OWWWW!’ prompting the others to emerge from their hiding spots! Regaining your balance, you rub the spot where Talbot flicked you and spit a response: what the HELL was that for!?

“You’ll be PEEVED if I die? PEEVED?!” Rising from the ground with a look of disdain on his face, Talbot, or at least the human desperately trying to move in Talbot’s baggy clothes, stumbles towards you with one hand holding his pants up, the other readying another flick!

“Christ, GUS could have come up with something better!” He exclaims, jabbing his thumb at the two brothers idling next to the delivery bike! “Kiki too--at least she woulda’ rhymed it or something!”

Is this guy serious?! Stomping over to your fellow Evening Sanitation Coordinator, you do your best to close the gap between the two of you while also keeping out of flicking range! You just saved his life and the first thing he does is RAG on you? Who does he think he is?!

“TALBOT-FRIGGIN-SCHUMER!” He replies as if he were spelling it on a whiteboard! “And you must be Stan, the most ungrateful gremlin on the West Coast!”

A faint ‘ooooOoOOoohh!’ rises up from where your pals are hiding, but you let it slide. This guy’s got quite the chip on his shoulder for someone who was feeling up your shoulders half an hour ago! Talbot responds with a derisive snort!

“Consider it another good deed of mine!” He laughs! “And carrying your butt around the whole town while sprinting?! That was charity too, seein’ as I barely got a ‘thank you’ for it!”

What the heck does he call that then, you bark, poking his bowtie with your finger!

“Th-that?” He stammers, pulling away from your assault, “It’s a start! Drop in the bucket!”

HE can drop in a bucket! Darting forward, you deliver a masterful flick to his forehead and send the chump reeling backwards!

At least, that’s what you planned… The minute your finger connects with his forehead, pain rushes through your finger as it connects with a patch of metallic skin that swiftly sinks back into his flesh! Howling in pain, you clutch your finger close as a look of excitement forms on the red-haired janitor’s face!

“I… I’ve still got them! My POWERS!

Laughing maniacally as he practices hitting himself, you stumble over to where Mitzi, Art, and Syb lie hidden.

“Wow,” Mitzi muses to herself, “There’s two of ‘em now…”

The hell is she talking about?! He’s a complete JERK!

>CONTD.
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When the others fail to respond save for a few uncomfortable coughs, you abandon your cowardly friends and approach Talbot again with fierce determination! He thinks he’s so cool, huh? You’ll see about that!

“Woah, easy there, princess. Don’t want to hurt yourself, right?”

Well Stan, you’ve done it. You’ve made what will probably be the WORST POSSIBLE DECISION of this whole damn quest.

"Come on, cupcake, he's probably not THAT bad..."

ANYWAYS, you might as well make the most of it… He might be tough, but you’re still the boss, damn it! How do you TAKE CHARGE OF THE SITUATION?

>DEMAND AN APOLOGY!
>GIVE HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT! THAT’LL MAKE HIM FEEL BAD!
>REMIND HIM OF ALL THE GREAT THINGS YOU’VE DONE!
>QUICKLY AND QUIETLY APOLOGIZE--HE’D BETTER NOT MISS IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
And that's all for this evening, folks--back to work on Monday! Should be ready to update MONDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST, though, so I hope to see you then! Have a good start to your week!
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>>5010133
>>WRITE-IN!
Lets just fucking deck him, I get a feeling its gonna really hurt our hand though.
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>>5010135
>>5010133

Support, and make him apologize too. He DID try to kill us, and we gotta let him know who’s boss.

ngl I fucking ship it. Only person who can handle stan is another stan
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>>5010133
>GIVE HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT! THAT’LL MAKE HIM FEEL BAD!
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>>5010135
+1ing this
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>>5010135
>>5010146
>>5010687
>Lay this punk out and make HIM apologize!

>>5010178
>Silence is golden!

Looks like we're laying him out! Roll me 1d100-5 to clock him--your hand still hurts and he's tough, but you're fast!

I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Don't forget to include what Stan should say, if anything!
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Rolled 68 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5010694
I liked you a lot more when you couldn't talk!
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Rolled 99 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5010694
I'll give you a damn hurting!
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>>5010719
>>5010713
>>5010694
I think the dice bot is playing funny tricks on us today.
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>>5010722

Ok. Fine. I rolled that -3.

Did we cash in our 100 yet? Feel like this would be worth it.
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>>5010726
don't worry, its not a crit-fail. Wasn't a natural one.
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>>5010727

Nice. We win then.
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>>5010706
>>5010713
>HIGHEST ROLL: 94!

>>5010726
Please don't delete rolls in the future--some of the best twists happen when there's a poor roll or two and while I keep things pretty chill I'd also prefer to keep things honest!

>>5010727
This guy's absolutely right, though--a crit-fail is only on a nat-1, so you're good!

In any case, we WRITIN'!
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Rolling up your already short sleeves, you grit your teeth as you approach your now painfully-human bodyguard! Oh you’re not worried about hurting YOURSELF! You’ll give HIM a damn hurtin’, though!

“Come on, Stan, you’re just gonna bruise your whittle fingies agai-”

Fine by you! Bringing your fist forward like a missile powered by BONE SPEED, your gloved knuckles connect with a surprisingly tight abdomen… Or is that just the GOODBOYNIUM?

The bug-eyed look on Talbot’s face tells you that it’s probably a bit of column A, a bit of column B. With a weak ‘Oof’, the janitor keels over like a sack of potatoes! “Ooooh boy,” he wheezes as you shake the pain off of your fist, “That one got through… Yep… Good punch...”

As your bodyguard struggles to regain his breath, you give his prone form a toothy grin! You’re glad his powers are still around--when he isn’t talking he almost resembles the old Talbot!

“Yea well…” The Evening Sanitation Coordinator mutters under his still-recovering breath, “Y-you almost resemble a… A raccoon..

Yea, yea, you reply, planting your hands on your hips, you’ve heard it all before! You’re still waiting to hear something ELSE, though! The janitor raises an eyebrow your way as the rest of your pals watch in earnest! “Uugh… Remind me what that is, again?”

You kick a bit of dirt at his face--how about an APOLOGY!? Shielding his eyes from your attack, Talbot glares at you through his fingers! “For WHAT?!

Well, you huff as you count out the reasons on outstretched fingers, there was that time he fried Cliff’s guards near the school! Then he ruined your beauty sleep by attacking at night--

“Shame, you coulda’ used i-AAACK!”

Kicking another clump of dust at him, you continue counting! He almost killed you with a poster, nearly blew you up, and that doesn’t even get into all of the crap he pulled in the redwoods!

“Christ, I KNEW you were gonna bring that stuff up!” He groans, shifting from a face-down to a sitting position on the ground. “I was being CONTROLLED, damn it--I didn’t get to do my own thing until you put that PATCH on!”

Well, you pout, it still hurt your feelings! How can he expect you to apologize for anything when he can’t even do that? With an exaggerated ‘UUUUUUGH’ that impresses even you, Talbot shrugs and looks at you impatiently. “Fine, I’m sorry I almost killed you… Even though I was MIND-CONTROLLED! Happy?”

As the janitor moves to get up, you contemplate his words--ARE you happy?

>NOPE, HE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!
>FINE, BUT HE’S ON THIN ICE!
>YEA, YOU’RE SORRY TOO. HELP HIM TO HIS FEET!
>WRITE-IN!
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>>5010862
>YEA, YOU’RE SORRY TOO. HELP HIM TO HIS FEET!
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>>5010862
>>YEA, YOU’RE SORRY TOO. HELP HIM TO HIS FEET!
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>>5010862
>YEA, YOU’RE SORRY TOO. HELP HIM TO HIS FEET!
>>
>>5010873
>>5010883
>>5010885
>D'awww, ya love to see it, folks

Writing!
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Giving him an eyeroll to match his ‘ugh’, you hold your hand out for Talbot to grab. Yea, you huff, you’re happy. And, you continue as if you were getting a tooth pulled, for what it’s worth... You’re kinda sorry too. You could have been a bit more vocal with the whole ‘thank you’ thing. Probably. Taking your outstretched hand and rising in his oversized boots, Talbot replies with a noncommittal shrug.

“Gee, guess that’s the best I’m gonna get, huh?”

Well yea, you frown, that and the most expensive bowtie EVER.

“You mean the FLASHIEST-”

“Riveting as this is,” Mitzi interrupts in an exceptionally bored tone, “and believe me, it’s been educational, don’t we have a skeleton to take down?”

“Aye,” Andre nods, “an’ our tide be rollin’ in--night be zee time for revelry an’ boozin’, it be! Those swabs on zee MANATEE will be right pickled by the time we be boardin’!”

“So if we’re gonna hit this guy, we oughta do it soon.” Art adds. “Do we have a destination?”

MAD DOG BLUFF.” Andre answers, pointing down the road past the CAVE ENTRANCE. “We be signalin’ zee’ ship from zere, zen’ boarding a skiff!”

You frown--isn’t that the place where all the WILD DOGS hang out? You coulda’ swore you saw a news story about it.

“Nope, they just hang out everywhere.” Tucker corrects before adopting a contemplative look on his face. “Wonder where all of those dogs ran off to, anyways?”

“Hold on a sec, guys.” Talbot interjects, “Really happy to be back and all, but we’re not signalling JACK until we handle the situation right here!”

You respond with your eighth frown in the last few minutes. What’s the deal NOW? Talbot replies by gesturing to the now extremely baggy clothes hanging limply from his lithe form. “Can’t take this guy down without some better-fitting duds, genius.”

Who said he was coming along, GENIUS?

“Zee skiff will be a, ‘ow you say… Tight fit, non?” Andre agrees. “T’would be fool’ardy to take zee lot of ye…”

Sensing another spat in the making, Syb slides between you two with the grace of a Goth Ballerina.

“We should have some extra clothing in the van, Talbot!” She explains with a diabetes-inducing smile! “Care to take a look?” Before he can protest, The Goth shoves the janitor in the direction of the van! Watching him go, you spot Eddie approaching from behind!

“Wow.” He mutters, scratching his head. “He’s uh… Different in person, that’s for sure.”

He can say THAT again, you shout! And what was all that about apologies? Total PSYCHO!

“I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!”

>CONTD.
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>>5010981
Letting out another angry breath, you fold your arms as you lean against the side of the vehicle. A few minutes later, your bodyguard returns with a smug look on his face and some new duds to match! Looks like he went with…

>A CLEARWATER DAM TRACKSUIT!
>A WETSUIT! YOU GUESS IT MAKES SENSE!
>SOME SORT OF STUPID CAPE AND TOGA COMBO FROM HIS OLD CLOTHES!
>SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! WHERE’D HE GET THOSE? (WRITE-IN!)
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>>5010982
>A CLEARWATER DAM TRACKSUIT!
>>
>>5010982
>>A CLEARWATER DAM TRACKSUIT!
>>
>>5010991
>>5010999
>SLEEK, SNUG, AND SLICK!

Writing the last update of the evening!
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...Some kind of TRACKSUIT-- one of those jacket and sweatpants combos you’d see a student wear in an anime... You know--if you watched them!

“Reminds me of dat’ old guy down da’ hall from us at da’ apartments.” Ly mutters, earning a stifled laugh from you. You’re not sure about the grey and black color at first, but once you see the ‘DAM GOOD’ patch on the jacket’s breast it all comes together--of course: THE DAM....

“So?” Talbot asks, catching you staring, “What’cha think?”

You respond with a shrug--it looks pretty comfy! Chuckling at your answer, the janitor does a few quick stretches before tightening the laces on his spiffy new tennis shoes--their white exterior cleaner than a fresh layer of snow!

“Lookin’ good, man.” Art says with a nod of approval. “Very ‘Hirayama Hideji.’”

“S’what I was aiming for!” Talbot replies in a confident tone! “Scrambled Fantasy” is underrated as hell!”

“I hear that!” Art grins, lips quivering at the opportunity to talk about NERD CRAP. “What did you think about Season-”

“Well then, we appear to be covered!” Syb interjects with perfect timing!

Ain't she an ANGEL?

>CONTD.
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>>5011042
Clearing her throat before Art or Talbot can interfere, Syb looks to the skeleton pirates for the next move! “Andre, you were mentioning something about a SKIFF?

Hearing his name, Andre looks away from the impromptu fighting ring his mates have formed and hobbles over to the rest of the gang! “Aye, a rowboat. Zere be a bundle of signal logs near zee base of zee bluff--if we be burnin’ zem, zee captain’ll send a mate ashore ta’ be fetchin’ us.”

“And that’s how we avoid becoming demon chow.” Mitzi concludes.

“You mentioned something about not fitting everyone, though?” Tucker adds, raising an eyebrow towards the pirate.

“I mean… We could probably fit if we all squished together.” Talbot suggests, receiving mixed reactions.

“Even if we be killin’ zee oarmen, comin’ aboard wit’ a skiff full of ‘umans will alert zee’ watchmen on zee MANATEE!” Andre explains with increased frustration! “Ye can decide on a plan when we be boardin’ Mendoza’s ship, but zere’s no quarrelin’ wit’ zee skiff--THREE ‘UMANS AT ZEE MOST!

And one of them will be you… Scanning your options, you do a double-take when you spot Gus and Jay--didn’t they say they were gonna leave?

“Eh.” Jay shrugs. “I can come along if you want.” Gus adds, enthusiasm overflowing.

“Orrrr you can take ME.” Talbot offers, adding in a charming grin to seal the deal. You frown--how do you know he’s good to go? Does he have all of his powers? Holding his arm out and grunting like he was on the toilet, the janitor frowns. “Okay, so I’m having a bit of trouble with those tentacles, but my eye probably works AND I feel pretty strong!” Turning to Eddie, your bodyguard motions towards his face.

“Come on, hit me! I can take it!”

With a resigned shrug, Eddie clocks Talbot on the chin! Besides being an absolute pleasure to watch, your fellow janitor’s words ring true--a cluster of GOODBOYNIUM emerges just in time to intercept the punch!

“That settles that, then!” Talbot laughs as Eddie clutches his bruised hand! “Don’t worry, Stan--I’ll protect you!”

Brushing off his clumsy wink, you survey the rest of your crew and weigh your options--you’re pretty clear on who among your group has the most utility, but if you’ve learned anything in the past few days it’s that nothing is as it seems…

Better plan accordingly.

WHO DO YOU TAKE BESIDES ANDRE AND HIS MATEYS? CHOOSE TWO PEOPLE TOTAL!
>ART (GRENADE LAUNCHER, RIFLE)
>SYB (MAGIC)
>MITZI (SCIENCE GUN, STEALTHY)
>TUCKER (RIFLE, FIRST AID TRAINING, MARTIAL ARTS)
>EDDIE (SHOTGUN, RUNNER)
>KIKI (HEAVY WEAPONS EXPERT, LMG, SMALL)
>TALBOT (MIGHT HAVE POWERS? HANDGUN)
>GUS (SHOTGUN, BURLY)
>>
>>5011047
That's all for tonight, folks--should be back for more around the usual 6-7PM PST ON TUESDAY. Seeya then!
>>
>>5011047
>SYB (MAGIC)
>TALBOT (MIGHT HAVE POWERS? HANDGUN)
>>
>>5011047
>SYB (MAGIC)
>TALBOT (MIGHT HAVE POWERS? HANDGUN)
>>
>>5011047
>SYB (MAGIC)
>MITZI (SCIENCE GUN, STEALTHY)
It'll be a stealth run until Stan fucks up everything
>>
>>5011047
>MITZI (SCIENCE GUN, STEALTHY)
>TALBOT (MIGHT HAVE POWERS? HANDGUN)
>>
>>5011076
>>5011081
>>5011106
>>5011622
>SYB: 3
>TALBOT: 3
>MITZI: 2

Looks like SYB and TALBOT win it! Writing!
>>
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“Now THIS is more like it!”

Having relayed your choices to the gang, you promptly piled into the van and set off for MAD DOG BLUFF!

“Comfy over there, dude?”

As you, your crew, and Andre’s pals sit like sardines in the back of your ride, Talbot sits across from you with his legs splayed out into the aisle! Raising an eyebrow at Mitzi’s question, the janitor responds with a satisfied grin and a lazy thumb’s up!

“Couldn’t be better!” He chirps! “Can’t remember the last time I actually rode in something!”

“It was pretty cool when you kept pace with us, though.” Eddie adds. “You think you can still manage that in this form?”

“HEH.” Talbot laughs, “Maybe after a few more of THESE.” Punctuating his sentence by chugging a beer from a nearby box, your bodyguard swiftly crumples up the can and lets it drop to the floor--damn it, that’s how you get ANTS!

“Relax, Stan,” Talbot replies after a relaxed sigh, “They only show up if you leave any beer in the can--that’s a fact.”

You blink--r-really?

“Yep!” He replies with absolute certainty in his voice! “Man, that hit the spot! Warm beer, cramped seats… Never thought I’d miss ‘em!”

“Save some of that energy for the mission, please.” Syb smiles as she tightens her boot laces. “We’ll need it when we run into Stan’s particular blend of trouble.”

“You can do whatever psycho crap you want, Stan,” Art shouts over his shoulder from the driver’s seat, “but you keep Syb safe, got it? We turn here, right, Andre?”

The skeleton nods in the passenger’s seat staring out the window like a dog! “Aye, zis be zee turn…” As Art brings the van down a bumpy dirt slope, you take a moment to look at the others--they know what they’re supposed to do, right?

“Watch for baddies and for boats.” Tucker recites, earning a pleased nod from you.

“Don’t worry, Stan--the minute you RADIO us we’ll get you outta there!” Eddie adds with a reassuring pat on your shoulder! “We’ll build a boat if need-be!”

“You just focus on what you’re good at.” Mitzi adds with a wink. “And make sure that captain goes down with the ship, yea?”

A sudden screech on the breaks informs you that you’ve arrived. Hearing a delivery bike skid to a halt behind you, you adjust your hat one last time before kicking the doors open!

SHOWTIME!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5011790
Landing onto the uneven gravel path, you raise an eyebrow as you see Gus and Jay waiting for you at the head of a small, winding trail leading to a secluded cove below! They didn’t have to follow you all the way here! The brothers shrug simultaneously.

“Not like I’m in a hurry.” Jay explains, earning a nod from his sibling.

“Just makin’ sure you didn’t run into trouble on the way.” Gus adds before extending his hand your way. Frowning at his attempted handshake, you pull the big lug into a hug and give him a smile--he’s coming back, right?

“You know me,” Gus replies, “I know when I’m needed.”

“Stay safe out there, man--” Art adds, approaching with a warm smile on his face. “Those roads will kill ya.” Responding with a fraction of a chuckle, Gus slaps Art’s outstretched hand, prompting a dizzying sequence of pounds, slaps, and hand gestures culminating in the two clasping each other's hands and grinning like idiots!

“Awww, seriously?!” Eddie exclaims, “why don’t WE have a secret handshake, Tuck?”

Ed’s roommate shoots him a sideways glance. “We do, moron, you just keep forgetting it.”

Their business done, Gus turns to Talbot as he kicks a few pebbles down the cliff. “Hey, T.”

“Hm?”

Making his way over to the janitor, Gus now towers over Talbot’s tall, albeit slightly-shorter form. “You keep an eye on Stan, okay?” He states, placing a hand on your bodyguard’s shoulder.

“Pssh, how could I miss her?” Talbot jokes. “I mean, have you s-AAACK

Pain races across the janitor’s face as Gus squeezes his shoulder. “Just take care of her, okay?” Staring the most relaxed daggers you’ve ever seen into Talbot’s eyes, Gus gives his shoulder a few more light pats before letting him go. Waving to the rest of the team, the delivery man and his brother mount the bike.

“Drive safe, man!” Mitzi adds, sending a lazy smile their way. “Seatbelts, and all that junk.”

“No worries,” Gus grunts, plopping his helmet onto his head, “I always drive safe.” Tapping his fingers on the stock of his shotgun, your neighbor and his brother give your group one last wave before roaring back the way they came! Watching them until they disappear between the sea cliffs, you turn your attention back to the cove below.

“Watch dat’ first step, Stan!” Ly reminds you. “It’s a doozy!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5011793
“Zee SIGNAL WOOD ees down zis way…” Andre explains as he leads you and his mates down the cliffside! “Eez zere anything else needin’ ta’ be discussed?”

Watching the rest of your team file into the van up above, you shrug--what’s there to discuss? He gets you to the boat and you ice his boss--simple!

“Don’t forget the ‘getting back alive’ part.” Talbot adds as he follows close behind you. “There’s gonna be a lot of pissed-off skeletons once we’re done!”

“I’ve been pondering that, actually--” Syb muses to herself. “Andre, you wouldn’t happen to have any more erm… Mateys aboard, would you? Some allies would do in a pinch.”

The pirates exchange glances before exploding into laughter! Turning to face your group, each of Andre’s raiders points to a tiny ‘B’ carved above their right eye socket!

“You see?” Andre grins, pointing to one of his own! “We arranged zee symbol before embarking on zee treasure ‘unt… Eef you see a ‘B’, you’ll be knowing what eet stands for!”

Talbot frowns. “What, bones?

Brotherhood?” Syb guesses, earning another round of laughter from the skeletons!

“Non, me ‘earties,” Andre snickers, “B ees for ‘BASTARDS!’ All right terrible ones, we be!”

Okay, you laugh, that’s actually pretty neat. Reaching the foot of the cliff, you find yourself standing in the middle of a beach untouched by cigarette, needle, or hobo waste. Watching the water lap at your feet, you can’t help but smile--this place ain’t half bad!

“Could be cozy with a few folding chairs and a cooler.” Talbot remarks before eyeing a pile of unsightly seaweed not too far away. “Oughta’ get rid of that, too.”

“As you wish!” Andre replies with a wink! Pointing to the obstacle, the skeleton watches with a smug grin as his fellow sailors promptly pick up the weeds and chuck them into the water! As the last strand disappears beneath the waves, you spot some treasure lying in the seaweed’s resting place: a pile of logs painted blue! Fetching a match from under another pirate’s hat, Andre sets the logs ablaze with BLUE FLAMES!

“Wait a minute,” Syb interrupts, “What about the pirate coming to retrieve us? Will he be one of your ‘bastards’?”

“Erm…” Andre replies, whiskers drooping slightly, “I ‘aven’t zee faintest clue…” Puzzled, the pirate looks your way and shrugs. “I suppose we can pretend to take ye lot prisoner… Or we can kill him.”

“Hm… I like the second one.” Talbot mutters to himself.

The question is, do you? What’s the plan for this ferryman?
>PLAY PRISONER!
>HIDE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
>BLAST THE GUY BEFORE HE CAN SEE WHO’S ON THE BEACH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Apologies, folks, but this will probably be the only update I write tonight--been feeling crappy ever since I got home and it's not really putting me into a writing mood. Should be ready again WEDNESDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST, though if I'm feeling less shitty by then. Thanks as always for your patience.
>>
>>5011796
>>BLAST THE GUY BEFORE HE CAN SEE WHO’S ON THE BEACH!
>>
>>5011796
>HIDE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!
>>
>>5011796
>PLAY PRISONER!
>>
>>5011796
>>BLAST THE GUY BEFORE HE CAN SEE WHO’S ON THE BEACH!
>>
>>5011831
>>5012012
>BLAST 'EM!

>>5011908
>OBSERVE AND REPORT

>>5011910
>CAUGHT.... OR ARE WE?

Looks like a rude welcome wins--that means I need a few things from ya:

First, ROLL 1D100+5 TO TAKE THE APPROACHING FERRYMAN OUT! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Second, Stan and Talbot have their LASER EYES and the former also has a LONG RANGE RIFLE, A ROCKET LAUNCHER (don't ask how that fits in her pockets), and a few other toys. Syb also has a few tricks up her baggy sleeves save for the daily spells she's already used. The question is....

If you are indeed gonna blast this poor guy, what tool(s) do you use for the job?
>>
Rolled 22 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5012122

Let’s go with the classic shotgun
>>
Rolled 69 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5012122
>>
Rolled 89 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5012122
Throw the RUSTED HARPOON at him
>>
>>5012199
>>5012208
>>5012325
>HIGHEST ROLL: 94!

THAR SHE BLOWS! Writing!
>>
Glaring at the beautiful scene in front of you, you promptly scuttle off towards a patch of vines hanging from the cliffs bordering the cove!

“‘Old zere, Stan--where zee devil do ye think you be goin’?”

Skidding to a halt in the damp sand, you turn and give the pirates a withering look--are they dumb or what?! If this guy’s in a boat he can just turn around the minute he sees you! You’re not gonna swim all the way to the MANITOBA, that’s for damn sure!

MANATEE.” Sybil corrects. “She’s right, though--it’s probably best if we stay hidden, at least until we get a feel for the situation.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Talbot asks before leaping onto the vines and climbing! As you and Syb follow, the clump of plant matter Talbot clings to detaches from the cliff entirely, sending him tumbling head over heels into the water below! Stifling a laugh, you ask your bodyguard if he’s okay as he trudges out of the water completely soaked!

“... You know what? You guys can go first.”

Taking the lead, you scamper up the cliff towards a sizable crack overlooking the cove and set up shop in the shadows--if anyone tries to make a beach landing, you’re gonna be the first one to see ‘em!

Talbot and Syb follow close behind, the former still clearly annoyed by his impromptu swim.

“I was trying to be polite...” He mutters, earning a glare from the Goth.

“You know exactly why I didn’t want you climbing up behind me.” She hisses, pulling her sweater lower around her waist. “Now hush--there’s no telling when this friend of theirs will show up!”

<<MEANWHILE…>>

>CONTD.
>>
>>5012704
AVAST, yer name be OTIS MCGILLICUDDY-- oarsman of the BURNING ARMADA and, in truth, a sorry excuse for a pirate. Aye, when yer’ blackened heart still drew blood ye were a right devil, s’truth--yer blade has been stained by scores of sorry swabs, an’ only a fraction of ‘em earned it! Yet only a day or so before yer demise at the hands of a cannon misfire, ye had what them good Christians called a ‘Change of ‘eart!’

Aye, the life of a pirate was satisfyin’ ta’ be true--the loot kept growin’ an’ the rum kept flowin’, but somewhere in that ole’ lump of coal ye’ call a heart ye’ felt a certain emptiness--a blackened pit that’d make Ole’ Scratch himself blush wit’ envy! T’was only after that ill-placed matchstick and that unfastened cannon that you realized a man weren’t born ta’ be piratin’ alone… He was made for bigger things!

But here ye be in the same hole ye dug yerself in years before--rowin’ a boat at the behest of a man ye didn’t respect anymore towards a mad dog Frenchman on the promise of retrievin’ some magic bauble! T’were it any other day ye’d have told the cappin’ where ta’ stick yer oar, but as yer skiff lowered to the water, a plan hatched in yer head--one that’d be givin’ everyone their desires!

Rounding the cliffs towards the plume of blue flames on the horizon, ye mull over the plan once more--Andre was a seasoned sailor, t’were no denyin’ it, so there’d be no trouble if ye handed off the boat to him and left, would there? What reason would there be for the captain ta’ send mates ashore to find ye? Having seen the city on the shore, you’re all too certain ta’ find a hiding spot--ye had immortality ta’ look forward to--whose ta’ say ye couldn’t start over wit’ a small shop or an eatery? Aye, ye nod to yerself, that be a life fit fer’ a free man…

With the sweet taste of freedom staining yer teeth, ye spot Andre and his lot waving in the cove ahead! As a smile crosses yer bony face, ye pull out a spyglass ta’ be sure--Andre was a right honest lad, aye, but ye didn’t make it ta’ this age without bein’ carefu-

>CONTD.
>>
>>5012706
Your name is STANLEY PARBLE and you can’t believe you made that shot. There’s no friggin’ way!

STAN!” Syb growls, eyes wide as saucers, “Wh-why did you do that!?”

Gesturing to the figure in the skiff slumping into the water, you return Syb’s scowl with one of your own--do you need to draw her a diagram?! The guy was going to snipe Andre, so you sniped HIM!

“With a HARPOON?!” Syb asks incredulously! “What will Andre and the others think?”

Ignoring the angry gestures from the skeletons down below, you shrug--that it was a fantastic shot?

“It was pretty amazing.” Talbot adds before catching himself. “Err… I guess!”

He guesses RIGHT, you fire back! What’s the big deal, anyways? Now you’ve got a rowboat all to yourselves! You’re WELCOME!

Syb thanks you in the form of a flick to the forehead! “Impressive or not, you’re the one who’s going to tell our friends below!”

Groaning the whole way down, you preemptively roll your eyes as you and the others are greeted by an irate group of skeletons.

WHAT ZEE DEVIL WAS ZAT?!?” Andre bellows, his whiskers splayed out in anger!

You shrug. He uh… He was going to shoot them! Probably… Glowering at your response, Andre points a bony finger at the boat floating out past where the waves form. “In zat case, YOU get to retrieve zee skiff!”

Your mouth falls open in disbelief! Awwww REALLY?! That water’s cold, damn it--you’re gonna get hypodermia or something! Before you can protest more, you hear a shaky laugh behind you!

“Wh-what’s w-wrong, Stan? T-too c-cold for y-ya?” Whipping around to face your newest gang member, you find Talbot smirking at you as he shivers through his drenched track suit!

“I mean… I guess I c-could go and g-get it…” He stammers, trying and failing to wring out the water from his clothes, “I-If y-you’re gonna be a big B-BABY about i-”

You’re in the water before he can finish the next letter of that sentence! Paddling through the icy waves, your RAGE keeps you warm and your movement fast--how the hell does he DO that!?

“C-c-couldn’t t-tell ya…” Ly stutters, quaking from the safe confines of your skin! “It w-w-worked though, didn’t it?”

Splashing through the sea as fast as you can, you find yourself next to the dinghy before you know it! Clambering over the side and dropping into the boat, you lay there for a few moments as the cold night air sends a chill through your body--damn it, you need more ANGER to warm up and FAST! Ly, say something mean!

“Lessee…” Your skeleton replies as he peeks out of your body in his ASTRAL FORM, “Looks like they’re talkin’ smack about you on da’ shore…”

That’s all you need! Taking both oars in hand, you head for the cove and row like your dignity depends on it!

>CONTD.
>>
>>5012709
“About time.” You respond by sticking your tongue out as Talbot and the others climb into the skiff. He’s more than welcome to do it himself next time!

“Hmm, nah.” He shrugs, leaning back as one of Andre’s pals takes over rowing, “Gotta save my energy if I’m gonna help you take down this pirate!”

“Aye, you’ll be needin’ eet.” Andre confirms in a still annoyed tone. “Zee captain may be a scoundrel, but ee’s been at it for a while… You know what zey say about old men in dangerous professions…”

Still shivering, you give the pirate a hasty nod as if it will somehow speed up the rowing process. Where the heck is this ship, anyways? Did that creep you domed seriously row all the way o-

Oh.

“Zere eet ees:” Andre confirms as you lay eyes on a massive cruise ship peeking through the evening fog, “Zee MANATEE!

Shit.” Talbot remarks. “Haven’t been on a cruise ship in ages.”

“When were you on a cruise?” Syb asks, still spellbound by the ship.

“Couple years ago, actually.” Talbot explains as your skiff draws closer. “They don’t like people sneaking onboard, though, and those sailors can really chuck ya.”

“Steel yourselves!” Andre commands! “Zee captain ‘olds zee DEMON TOTEM-- eef ee gets word of ye, ee’l summon ‘is pet!”

Your awe is swiftly replaced by annoyance. Does he have a plan, then? The pirate shrugs a response. “In a manner of speaking, aye… Zey will be waiting for us to dock--eef you want to sneak, you can jump out when we get close an’ swim to zee BACK!

“Or we just take ‘em by surprise when they come to meet us.” Talbot suggests with a devious grin! “Look what I brought to hide under!” Reaching into his pockets, he pulls out his old spiked-shoulder trench coat--a dapper garment now reduced to a very large blanket.

“I won’t be able to turn anyone into a fish,” Syb adds, “But instead of getting on the back we could always cut a hole into the SIDE. We can sneak aboard without any of the deck crew noticing!”

Quite a few options, and none of them good--the question is, which do you wanna do?
>SLIP ABOARD ON THE BACK!
>AMBUSH THEM AT THE LANDING!
>CUT A HOLE INSIDE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Sorry, all--ran out of time while writing and couldn't snatch some pics quick enough! Going to play games with some pals for the rest of the night so I'll check back in THURSDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST! Thanks for being so patient and apologies again!
>>
>>5012712
>>SLIP ABOARD ON THE BACK!
>>
>>5012712
>CUT A HOLE INSIDE!
>>
>>5012712
>SLIP ABOARD ON THE BACK!
>>
>>5012712
>CUT A HOLE INSIDE!
Overly complicated heist plan? Lets go.
>>
>>5012728
>>5012821
>SNEAK IN THE BACK!

>>5012801
>>5013053
>CUT A HOLE!

Sorry for the lateness! Writing!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>5013403
Oops, that was supposed to have a roll attached. 1 will be THE BACK, 2 will be THE HOLE!
>>
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You sigh in frustration as your skiff slowly crawls towards the convention center-sized ship ahead--y’know, for all the smart stuff Syb comes up with, she can be pretty DUMB!

“W-wha?” She asks, an incredulous look on her pale face!

Do you REALLY have to explain the problem? When no one responds, you give the rowboat another one of your patented eyerolls before jabbing a finger at the boat. What happens when that thing gets WATER in it?

“It uh…” Talbot ventures, “It… It sinks, right?”

You grin. Gee, Talbot being sharper than Syb--you oughta take a picture of this! Intercepting your hand on its way to grab your phone, the Goth gives you a stern look as the pirates try to pretend they’re not there.

“What’s your point, Stan?” She growls, eyes flaring up with blue flame! Isn’t it obvious? It’s a HOLE. In a BOAT. You’re not sinking this thing--what if it has a WET BAR, Syb?!

“She has a point.” Talbot nods, prompting the skeletons to join in too. Staring at you for a painfully long minute, Sybil’s eye twitches a few times before she breaks the silence.

“Stan. We’d cut the hole ABOVE the water. No water, no SINKING.”

You return her stare with a blank one of your own, then do a few calculations in your head: multiply that, carry the 3, square that sum-

“Yea uh, sayin’ math stuff doesn’t mean you’re doin’ calculations, cupcake.” Ly explains, prompting you to stop. It doesn’t matter, okay? You’re not cutting a hole in the boat and that’s FINAL!

“FINE!” Syb shouts, earning a hushed ‘SHHH!’ from Andre! “Fine!” She repeats in a whispered tone! “What ARE we doing, then?”

Why, sneaking aboard, of course! You’re not doing another boss fight again--if you’re gonna take this captain out, you’re gonna do it sneaky-like!

“Ah.” Syb replies in a slightly less-annoyed voice. “I suppose that’s better than the alternative.”

“I GUESS.” Talbot pouts, crossing his arms in anger! “So we’re just gonna swim around the back, then?”

“‘Thar be a skiff landin’ round zee back!” Andre explains, pointing a bony finger towards the back of the boat--the BOW, right?

“‘Tis the STERN.” Andre corrects. “Ye lot can sneak aboard zere--me an’ my mates will raise ‘ell when we land!”

You respond with a shrug--works for you! Maybe you can even find a HOT TUB on the way in!

“Hot tub, huh?” Talbot adds, contemplating all that entails. "Let's go."

Peering into the bottomless water below you, you take one last look at the ship before disembarking.

“WHAAAAT?!” Andre hisses, glaring your way! “You must go now or zey will see you!”

Nodding to your new pal, you take one last breath before hopping out of the boat. As the cold saps the energy from your body, you fight through the chill and paddle towards the back of the cruise ship.

Something about all this is making your hair stand on end, and you’re damn sure it’s not the temperature!

>CONTD.
>>
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“This is BULLSHIT.”

You’ve lost track of how many times you’ve rolled your eyes at Talbot. Swimming close behind you, the janitor sputters as icy water splashes in his face! Would he prefer staying ON LAND?

“... No.” He grumbles, blowing a rogue lock of damp hair out of his face. “Just… Just would prefer not drenching my new digs, is all…”

“We’ll have more than enough time to dry your ‘digs’ once we finish up here.” Sybil replies, bringing up the rear. “Besides, the chill will keep us all alert.”

“You sound pretty calm given what we’re abo-” Talbot stops mid sentence as he turns to face your purple-haired pal. “Are you SERIOUS?”

Standing atop a bobbing bridge of thin ice, the Goth looks at your bodyguard with confusion. HEY! “What?”

What does she mean, ‘what’?! You and T are freezing your limbs off and she couldn’t offer you an ICE BRIDGE!?

“Yea!” Talbot growls! “What gives!?”

“You didn’t ask.” Syb shrugs with a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Didn’t I mention? Cooling things down is a cantrip.”

“Oh you CAN TRIP alright!” Talbot hisses as he swipes for her leg! “You WANT Stan and I to freeze!?”

“I figured you two could cool your heads a bit!” Syb retorts, dodging you and Talbot’s clumsy attempts to drag her in! “Besides, we’re in California--how cold is that water really? 64 degrees? 63?”

You answer by coordinating a PINCER ATTACK with Talbot and latching on to both of her boots! Before you can deal the coup de grâce, however, your antics are interrupted by the sound of several pairs of feet above you!

“Make ‘aste, ye SWABS!” Growls one of the pairs, “Lest the cappin’ lets loose aga-”

Halfway through his sentence, the skeleton is interrupted by the crackling of an old intercom followed by a familiar booming voice!

... And it's NOT BLUMENKRANTZ!

>CONTD.
>>
https://youtu.be/wnAghYUxLms
“AVAST, YE’ BILGE RATS!” Roars a voice you haven’t heard since your ASTRAL EAVESDROPPING SESH, “ALL ‘ANDS TO THE FORE--THE SKIFF BE BACK AND ME BE WANTIN’ IT SCOURED TIP TO TIP! ‘TIS A GOOD NIGHT FOR A MURDER, ‘TIS!”

“Ach, there he be goin’ again.” Groans one of the buccaneers above. “That vermin-faced lass’d be a fool ta’ attack tonight!” Boasts another! “Especially after what ‘appened to that other boat…”

“D’yee want ta’ walk the plank?” Hisses the lead pirate! “Feel free ta’ tarry, then--I won’t be mournin’ for layabouts!”

“Aye, aye, ye’ painted a fine picture, now stow it.” Replies another, prompting the group to head towards the front of the ship. Clinging to Syb’s boots, you and the others wait a few more seconds before daring to move again. The whole crew, huh? Talk about convenient!

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Syb sighs. “There’s sure to be SOME guards back here, though not as much as the front. Let’s hurry.”

“Don’t have to tell ME twice.” Talbot grumbles as he makes a beeline for the skiff landing near the back of the ship. Climbing onto and up the ramp leading to the deck, you, Talbot, and Sybil creep slowly to the top and survey your surroundings as your clothes dry!

“Alright,” Syb whispers, “We appear to have a good window to move--the question is, where should we go?”

“The steering wheel room, right?” Talbot suggests as he points towards the top of the ship. “That’s where I’d be if I was captain, plus he was using the intercom!”

“A good point,” Sybil nods, “Unless that intercom is accessible from anywhere on the boat...”

As if on cue, the voice of CAPTAIN MENDOZA rips from the speakers once again!

“AN’ WHILE I BE HAVIN’ YER ATTENTION, ME BE WANTIN’ A REPORT FROM THE ENGINE ROOM--IF YE CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TA’ MOVE THIS VESSEL, I’LL FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN! NOW GET TA’ WORK!”

“Huh.” Talbot mutters to himself, “You guys think we can lure him down to the ENGINE ROOM?”

Sure, you shrug, assuming you can figure out how cruise ship engines work!

“How hard could it be?” Talbot asks. “These things basically run themselves now, don’t they?”

“Wherever we go, we should do it quickly,” Sybil warns! “If we can track him down, we can take care of that TOTEM of his!”

In that case, you think to yourself, where would you find a paranoid pirate captain?

>IN THE STEERING WHEEL ROOM!
>HOLD ON, LET’S TRY THAT ENGINE TRICK!
>MAYBE NEAR THE SKIFF? YOU CAN CHECK ON ANDRE!
>THE POOL AREA! GOTTA BE!
>IS THERE A DINING HALL? THERE’S GOTTA BE A DINING HALL!
>WE NEED TO FIND THE CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS!
>>
That's all for tonight, folks--thought I'd be a bit more active today, but not the case, it seems. We'll see how FRIDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST goes. At the very least I should be in a better writing state this weekend, but we'll see, I suppose. Hope to see you then!
>>
>>5013446
>WE NEED TO FIND THE CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS!
>>
>>5013446
>>WE NEED TO FIND THE CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS!
>>
>>5013446
>WE NEED TO FIND THE CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS!
>>
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>>5013446
>>WE NEED TO FIND THE CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS!
Pic related, Stan's mindset right now.
>>
>>5013883
Gang motto: A.B.L!
ALWAYS
BE
LOOTIN'

>>5013550
>>5013561
>>5013563
>>5013883
>GET DAT FUKKEN DISK

Writing!
>>
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The solution here is obvious, you say, voice absolutely BRIMMING with confidence! It doesn't matter where he is NOW--what matters is where he WILL be! Anyone wanna guess where that is? Smirking at your fellow infiltrators, well, THREE if you're counting Ly-

"You'd BETTER BE!"

Err, you point to Talbot as his hand shoots up almost immediately! Whatcha' got, T?

"HELL." He answers with a devious grin! "Because that's where he'll be when uh... When we KILL him! Tonight!"

Waving his answer away, you call on Syb next.

"It just occurred to me that without the magical interference we encountered in the caves, I should be able to locate the captain using CLAIRVOYANCE!"

You make a buzzer noise and shake your head--not an answer to your question! Next!

"But... But I co-"

NEXT! Ly, can you save the day?

"Assuredly!" Your skeleton replies in a cheerful tone! "These boneheads don't gotta' sleep, but they do like ta’ relax, right?"

You nod excitedly! Yes!

"So I was thinkin'... If I was a paranoid pirate captain, where would I hole up?"

YES!?

"It's obvious: SOMEWHERE OFF THE BOAT!"

The enthusiasm and anticipation drains from you like air from a balloon in the form of a long, drawn-out sigh. And they call YOU the dumb one...

"My answer was valid, Sta-"

Syb just doesn't get it, does she? You let your team marinate for a few seconds in your condescending look before revealing the answer--the captain's gonna be in his CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS! Duh-DOI!

"Well YEA." Talbot grunts as Syb stares daggers at you. "That was uh, that was my REAL answer. I was just joking with the other one."

Sure he was. Peeking around the corner at the deck, you breathe a sigh of relief as you fail to spot any sentries. Good, you mutter, that'll make things easier!

"Da' question is:" Ly huffs, "where da' heck would da' captain's quarters be anyways?"

"Ahem."

You shrug. He's the captain, right? Shouldn't they have his room marked on a map or something? Did anyone catch a glimpse of one?

"AHEM."

"If I was captain I wouldn't want my room on the map." Talbot says with a frown. "I don't want people hanging around."

"AHEM."

It's a safety thing though, right? They gotta know where you are in case like... Pirates attack or whatever!

"STAN!"

Oh my GOSH, WHAT?!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5014190
Turning your attention to Syb, you find her eyes glowing like a Christmas Tree and swiftly cover them with your hand! Is she TRYING to ruin your GHOST RUN?

"Ghost run?" Talbot asks with a healthy portion of indignation in his voice, "Maaaan, I HATE stealth missions!"

Then why the heck did he come!?

"YOU ASKED ME TOO, STUPID!"

AND NOW HE'S ASKING FOR A KNUCKLE SAN-

"I FOUND HIM!"

Syb's sharp voice cuts through your argument like a hot knife through butter! Exchanging looks with Talbot, the two of you turn to face the now clearly-irritated Goth. Oh, you mutter, that's uh... That's great!

"W-where is he?" Talbot adds, nervously adjusting his hair. Taking a deep breath, Sybil points a finger towards the top of the boat.

"Up there. It doesn't appear to be the bridge, so your guess might not be too far off, Stan."

Pumping your fist victoriously, you freeze again when Syb motions for you to pause.

"We've got other problems, though--there's still quite a few pirates patrolling, and I can't tell how many locked doors and bulkheads there are along the way..."

"So we'll bust 'em open." Talbot suggests. "We don't have time to collect keys, do we?"

No, you frown, you DON'T. If you come across any, though...

"Then we'll go with that." Sybil concludes with a nod. "In that case, shall we make our way up?"

Sure, why not? The question is, you begin as you peek onto the deck again, how do you get there?

"Uhhhh, ever hear of STAIRS?" Talbot answers with a derisive snort! Yea, you reply--has he ever heard of NOT BEING A DICK?

"No! Wait, double negative... Yes."

"I think I saw some stairs on the way over..." Syb muses, looking down the walkway to your right. "Exterior ones near a pool... There's bound to be some inside the ship too, along with a service elevator or two."

"Alright, crazy idea:" Talbot interjects, "But what if we just, ya' know... Climb up the side?" Following his finger up the side of the ship, you nod--you could use your claws to just climb up to where the BRIDGE is. It'd certainly be sneaky.

"A solid plan, Talbot, but aren't you forgetting something?" Syb asks, earning a raised eyebrow from the janitor. "Us. I can try to levitate a bit, but can you still jump?"

"Won't know until I try." Talbot shrugs. "Worst comes to worst one of you guys can like... Carry me or something."

You frown. Not a DAMN chance!

"Let's decide on our plan first, shall we?" Syb asks, defusing another argument in the making. "It's important we stick to something--it looks easy to get lost in here."

She’s right--you’ve gotta make a move QUICK or you’re gonna get bored! What’s the route?
>TRY THE EXTERIOR STAIRS IN THE BACK!
>THE INTERIOR STAIRS AND ELEVATOR SOUND LIKE GOOD BETS!
>CLIMB! CLIIIIIMB!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5014192
>CLIMB! CLIIIIIMB!
Come on Talbie Boy, Jump like theres a fresh pair of Dadias sneakers at the top.
>>
>>5014192
>>CLIMB! CLIIIIIMB!
>>
>>5014217
>>5014222
>CLIMB LIKE YOU'VE NEVER CLIMBED BEFORE!

Certainly the DIRECT option. Alright folks, ROLL ME 1d00-10 TO CLIMB THE SIDE--YOU'VE GOT BONE CLAWS, BUT THE OTHERS DON'T AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'S LOOKING OUT A WINDOW!

I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 22 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5014243
>>
Rolled 24 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5014243
>>
Rolled 62 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5014243
>>
That's three rolls! I'll write an update on SATURDAY around 11-12PM PST-- getting a bit sleepy on my end. Seeya then!
>>
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Scanning the deck one last time for any patrollers, you give your pals a smug ‘race ya’ to the top!’ before scrambling over to the nearest wall! While you sink your BONE CLAWS into the side, you feel a change in air pressure as Sybil disappears from where she was and blinks back into existence next to you!

“I suppose it’s the most direct path.” She mutters as she wraps her arms around your waist. “You lead the way, then!”

As the team’s resident PARKOURIER, you wouldn’t have it any other way! Before you can climb further, you feel a dull ‘THUD’ as something slaps into the wall below you! Looking downwards, you watch as Talbot struggles to find an anchor on the smooth cruise ship wall! Quiet, moron!

“Gimme a hand!” He hisses, transferring to the side of one of the room balconies! “Or give me a grappling hook or something!”

As Syb preemptively pulls down her sweater further, you shake your head in defiance! NO! He’s just gonna have to be careful!

DAMN IT!” Talbot groans, peeking over the railing into the room. “Woah, what are they doing in there?”

That piques your interest. What is it?! You wanna see!

“Then come down and help me!” Hisses your bodyguard in an increasingly impatient tone!

“Pretty sure he’s just tryin’ ta’ lure ya’ down, kiddo.” Ly remarks. What a DICK!

“You’re a dick!” Talbot counters, leaping like a treefrog to a higher balcony! “... Alright, this is actually kinda fun.”

“Just stay alert, you two!” Syb instructs, motioning for you to continue. “If we’re seen-”

Yea, yea, you grumble, this ain’t your first stealth rodeo and it sure as hell won’t be the last given how shitty the pacing is in this quest! Inching upwards, you pass by several more rooms--some silent and dark, others roaring with drunken laughter and clattering glasses! As Talbot follows close behind, his landing on the balcony adjacent to you and Syb is interrupted by a loud CRASH as a bottle comes flying through the glass balcony door!

HELL’S BELLS!

You and the team freeze like wall ornaments as a wobbling skeleton follows his bottle through the smashed door! Catching himself on the railing to the enjoyment of his peers inside, the boozy buccaneer peers downwards, his eyes landing squarely on Talbot’s surprised face! Frozen like a deer in the headlights, you signal for the janitor to do something, and QUICK!

“Uh… Sup?”

IDIOT!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5014781
Skittering towards the skeleton with Syb in tow, the two of you freeze as the drunk replies!

“‘Tis… It be tryin’ times, it be…” He gurgles, swaying along the railing like seaweed in a current. “Ye… Ye ‘member me lil’ matey SANTI, don’t ye, lad?”

“Uh… Yea, Santa.” Talbot nods, giving his new pal an unsure look. “What uh… What happened, bro?”

DON’T PLAY THE FOOL, YE’ SWAB!” The skeleton shrieks, causing the partiers inside to lower their volume! “Ole’ Santi, he…” Oh god, is he gonna CRY?

“Oh crap, you’re not gonna cry, are you?” Talbot asks, prompting the skeleton to frantically wipe at his eye sockets!

“N-NAY!” He slurs, waving the very idea of crying away with his hand! “Templeton Parr doesn’t cry, not fer’ his ma, nor for his dear ole’ San… San…”

And just like that the waterworks flow. In a stunning display of camaraderie, the revelers inside resume their activities at an even louder volume to drown out Templeton’s sorrows. Talbot, on the other hand, takes a more proactive approach.

“Sounds like uh… Sounds like he was really special.”

“AYE!” Templeton whines! “He be the best mate an’ ole’ sea slug such as meself could ‘ave! But that DAMNED sea took him before ‘is time… Like so many others…”

Slumping onto the railing, the skeleton smacks his fist against the metal a few times to drain out some emotion.

“An I… I’m jus’ not certain if I be ready ta’ sail on… Who could replace dear ole’ Santi?”

“Well uh…” Talbot mutters, shrugging at you and Syb, “Y-you could always make new friends, right? There’s a lot of ‘em in there…”

ARE YE DAFT?!” The skeleton screams, slamming his fist on the railing! “How many PARROTS do ye’ see flyin’ to an’ fro, boy!? An’ how many could do the Parisian Waltz wit’ a toothpick?”

“A PARROT?” Talbot growls, suddenly losing all sympathy in his voice! “You’re whining about a parrot?!”

“‘Is name was SANTI, ya’ SLUG!” Templeton roars, pointing a swaying finger in Talbot’s face! “An’ he wasn’t just a parrot, he was an’ ANGEL!

As you creep closer to assist, Talbot tries his best to diffuse the situation!

“Pets die! Get over it! We had to put down my dog Izzie about a year ago--how many years have YOU had to get over it!? A million?!”

Never mind, he’s just antagonizing him.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5014784
Lining up her hand for some RADIANT BLADE diplomacy, Syb pauses as the pirate scoffs in response to Talbot!

“Aaaaahh, what do ye’ know?! Yer’ just a figurement of me imaginings! Get thee gone, devil!”

As the pirate stumbles through the door that wasn’t broken yet, Talbot shakes his fist at him menacingly and continues the argument!

“Come back here and I’ll show you how real I am, you drunken bast-”

Cutting him off with a sharp ‘TSST!’, You and Syb motion for him to continue climbing!

“... Oh. Right.” Leaping to the next balcony, your bodyguard gives you both a sheepish look. “Sorry about that--got caught up in the parrot story.”

He’s gonna be caught up in SEA DEMON if he keeps shouting at everyone! You uh… You’re sorry about Izzie, though.

“Yea, well…” Talbot mutters under his breath, “Nothing’s really built to last forever, right?”

The rest of the climb continues in silence and without further interruptions. A few pirates remain on their balconies, of course, but you easily bypass them in favor of quieter-looking handholds. Buffeted by the frigid sea breeze, you shiver beneath your wet clothes as you approach your destination near the BRIDGE.

“Woah, check it out!” Talbot utters, pointing towards the front of the ship! Far away as you are, you can still hear the sound of drunken revelry and instruments--guess Andre convinced them his mission was a success. That’s not the only thing you notice, though!

“Well!” Syb remarks, following your gaze, “that’s certainly a pool.”

Off to your right sits a massive pool dominated by a tube slide snaking around its perimeter! Amidst a cluster of hot tubs lie a few island-style huts and cabanas, all of which are crowded by skeletons plundering the drinks inside!

“You uh… You think they’re too drunk to know we’re human?” Talbot asks eagerly.

“Not now.” Syb replies, taking the wind out of you and Talbot’s sails. “We’ve still got a job to do.”

Speaking of, once you finally reach the bridge area, you notice two things: first: it’s a LOT bigger than you expected. Spanning most of the top of the ship, it’s clear to you that this must be the CREW QUARTERS as well!

“Quite a few guards inside, too.” Syb remarks, eyes glowing blue for a moment. “The captain clearly doesn’t want visitors…”

Second: there’s no more balconies for Talbot to climb! Transitioning to a nearby cluster of pipes, the janitor huffs as he makes his way up alongside you. “Man… Any sign of an entrance?”

You frown. You pass a small porthole, but you’re not sure if you could cut through it. You see a few smokestacks and the roof--maybe those could help you in?

Before you can investigate, Talbot pauses by the window and blinks in confusion! “Wh-what the?”

You groan. He’d better not be trying to catch a ride on you again!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5014786
“N-no!” Talbot mutters, still peering through the hole! “I coulda’ swore I saw someone! And they weren’t skeletons!”

“Impossible.” Syb replies, shaking her head. “I would have sensed some more humans if they were here. Unless…” The Goth’s face grows even paler than usual. “... Unless they’re hiding their auras… Not fair.”

Dislodging one of your hands to massage your temples, you ask Talbot if he REALLY saw someone.

“I dunno!” He snaps, clearly annoyed by your question! “I THOUGHT I did! You oughta try that some time!”

He can try it FIRST! You’ve gotta figure out what your next move is!

>CLIMB A SMOKESTACK AND HOP IN! VENT TIME!
>HIT THE ROOF! THERE MIGHT BE GUARDS, BUT THERE MIGHT BE ENTRANCES!
>TRY TO FIND A DIRECT WAY TO TALBOT’S MYSTERY FOLKS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5014788
>CLIMB A SMOKESTACK AND HOP IN! VENT TIME!

This isn’t Bones Quest without ample vent runs.
>>
>>5014788
>CLIMB A SMOKESTACK AND HOP IN! VENT TIME!
Raccoon mentality
>>
>>5014788
>TRY TO FIND A DIRECT WAY TO TALBOT’S MYSTERY FOLKS!
>>
>>5014788
>CLIMB A SMOKESTACK AND HOP IN! VENT TIME!
vent
>>
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>>5014806
>>5014886
>>5014894
>SMOKE IF YA GOT 'EM!

>>5014891
>MYSTERY FOLKS!

Motioning for your fellow janitor to continue, you ignore the porthole and make your way up towards the tip of the smoke stack.

"Careful, Stan--" Ly warns, "Lots of harmless STEAM comin' outta dat' thing..."

Barely fighting back the urge to leap to your, and by proxy Ly's, death out of spite, you and Sybil slowly but surely make it to the rim of the large pipe!

"Wait for me, damn it!" Talbot whines, scrambling up what little pipes he has left before leaping onto the ledge next to you! "Still think we shoulda' checked those people out..."

And you STILL think he should shut the heck up, but it looks like neither of you are gonna get what you want today, huh? Frowning, Talbot removes a hand from the rim to shove your shoulder--an action you swiftly return! Taking turns trying to knock each other off, your shove war is cut short by a menacing snarl from the Goth clinging to your back. Pausing in mid-push, you raise an eyebrow Talbot's way. Cease-fire?

"... Cease-fire." Talbot responds begrudgingly. Climbing onto the rim, the three of you peer downward into the stygian abyss that extends far below a layer of steam.

"See anything?" Syb asks, prompting Ly to pop out of your body in his ASTRAL FORM!

"Not yet, but gimme a sec!"

Dipping below the cloud line, your skeleton returns with his 'sorta good news, sorta bad news' look on his glowing face. Making sure to express your impending displeasure with an eyeroll, you motion for him to spill the proverbial 'beans'.

"Good news: there's a VENT." He begins, pointing at a spot across from you obscured by steam. "Bad news: nothin' ta' stand on ta' get in there. Looks like there used ta' be a catwalk, but someone busted it."

"Most likely the current occupants." Syb sighs. "That means they know of this entrance..."

"There's more:" Ly continues. "It's HOT in there, so we're gonna have ta' be quick. Our armor oughta' do da' trick, Stan."

"As should Talbot's." Sybil adds, earning a confused stare from the Evening Sanitation Coordinator. "I should be able to BLINK down after you... Probably."

"Are you guys talking to that skeleton or whatever?" Talbot interrupts. "Tell him I said 'Hi.'"

Err, Talbot says hi.

"Hi, kid!" Ly responds in a jovial tone! "So uh... We doin' dis' or what?"

Guess you ARE. Ly floats back down to the approximate location of the vent entrance, or ventrance as you like to call them. Though still obscured by smoke, you can just barely make out an ethereal glow--that's gonna have to be enough.

The rest, as usual, is up to YOU.

ROLL 1d100 TO VENT-URE FORTH! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5015008
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5015008
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5015008
>>
>>5015017
>>5015026
>>5015065
>HIGHEST ROLL: 84!

Writing!
>>
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You lead the charge by activating your BONE ARMOR and make your way around the rim of the funnel. Maybe you’re just getting used to it, but somehow the bony plates don’t feel as heavy anymore! Perfect timing, huh?

“It’ll definitely make things easier!” Ly replies from below! Locking onto his position, you turn to face your companions and nod--here goes something! Hopping into the smoke stack, you let gravity take the lead for a few seconds before digging a BONE CLAW into the wall. As you slide towards Ly’s increasingly-bright form, you feel an intense heat bite at your joints and viewports!

Steam, you mutter to yourself, your old nemesis…

No time for a showdown, though--plunging through the thick clouds of water vapor, you almost miss the ventrance as it approaches on your left! Digging your claws deeper, you slow yourself down and deftly kick the vent cover open in one fluid motion! It’s a bit of a squeeze with your armor on, so once you’re safely inside you remove your protection and wait for the others.

“Well done!” One blink of your eyes later, you find yourself a hair’s breadth from Syb’s face, causing you to stumble deeper into the vent! A bit closer and she would have telefragged you or something!

“If anything we’d just join together at the molecular level. We’d be lucky to die!” The Goth cheerfully explains! Before you can talk further, your conversation is cut short by a rapid-fire series of swears and the word ‘HOT!’ culminating in Talbot scrambling into the safety of the vent with the grace of a cat scrambling out of a bathtub.

“PHEW!” He sighs, fanning himself with his hand, “Almost didn’t make that jump!”

Why Talbot, you say with a sly chuckle, didn’t you know that steam is painful? The janitor looks at you like you just told him that grass is green.

“Uh… YEA. Why do you think I rushed through it?” His look of confusion quickly shifts into one of mischievous recognition! “Wait… Are you saying you didn’t know that? Seriously?!”

N-no, you fire back as you avert his smug gaze! You were… You were just checking on him, that’s all! Guess this is what you get for carin-

“Oh my GODS,” Sybil groans, pulling on her hair, “If you two don’t stop arguing I’ll toss both of you into a dimensional pocket and SEAL it! Let’s MOVE!

Shutting your traps, you and Talbot proceed deeper into the vents where the muggy, humid air is replaced by the sound of activity all around you--machines, footsteps, muffled chatter--all of it points to one thing: you’re clearly entering the belly of the beast!

>CONTD.
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>>5015111
“Gotta say,” Talbot whispers, “These ducts are much cleaner than the ones back at the lab…”

Aren’t they, though? Turning a corner, you nod in assent--these make GOOD BOY’S vents look like sewer tunnels!

“The trick is to just wrap yourself in cleaning wipes.” Talbot explains. “Really wrap ‘em. Then when you’re crawling around you can brush against everything and boom--clean, dry, and lemony fresh!”

You’re gonna have to try that! Gonna have to buy some of those citrus wipes, though--you can’t even smell the lemon-flavored ones anymore…

“I can barely smell anything.” Talbot replies. “Well… Couldn’t. Guess that pearl repaired my nostrils-”

“One moment--look!” Syb interrupts, gesturing to a fork up ahead! Flicking the plastic utensil out of the way, you notice a junction further down--one end leading to the left, the other leading downward. Creeping closer, you motion for the others to be silent as you let your ears work their magic!

The ducts BELOW feel cold and sound pretty quiet save for the distant whirr of some sort of machinery.

The ducts to the LEFT vibrate with activity--warm air carrying a fragrant aroma of something tasty caresses your nostrils, and though it’s faint, you can almost hear the sound of instruments playing…

“Hey uh… Idea.” Talbot interrupts, tapping you roughly on the shoulder. “Why don’t we just pop out here? Seems quiet enough, right?

Didn’t he read the last post!? You heard feet and stuff! Pay attention! Your bodyguard shrugs in response.

“Well yea, but this has gotta be close to where the captain is, right? Syb, back me up!”

Her eyes flashing with blue light, Sybil turns your way and nods. “He’s right--if we exited here we would land in a corridor that will presumably lead to where the captain is. That said… There’s quite a few sentries below us…”

“Do we really wanna charge into da’ paranoid guy’s room?” Ly asks, furrowing your brow. “Maybe we oughta think dis’ through…”

Do you have time for that? What’s the plan?
>TAKE A LEFT--FOLLOW THE FRAGRANCES!
>DUCK DOWN! QUIET IS GOOD!
>JUST POP OUT HERE! JUST GOTTA BE SPEEDY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5015115
>TAKE A LEFT--FOLLOW THE FRAGRANCES!
I'm detecting a shindig of some sorts, it might pay to cause a nice heft distraction there so we can get the drop.
>>
>>5015115
>TAKE A LEFT--FOLLOW THE FRAGRANCES!
>>
>>5015111
>>TAKE A LEFT--FOLLOW THE FRAGRANCES!
>>
>>5015139
>>5015216
>>5015219
>FOLLOW YOUR NOSE!

WRITING!
>>
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You don’t NEED to think things through! Your nose knows, so that’s where ya’ goes! You uh… You suppose.

“It’s most likely a DINING HALL of some sort, Stan--” Sybil warns as you all clamber on ahead, “Are you CERTAIN we should go that way?”

Why not? Sounds like a perfect occasion for a distraction!

“Yea!” Talbot agrees with a devious chuckle! “Worst comes to worst we can totally poison them all, too!”

Your enthusiasm is swiftly replaced with doubt--wait, can skeletons even be poisoned? I mean if you had some kind of BONE-EATING JUICE or something, maybe, but-

“We won’t know until we get there.” Syb interjects. “I agree with you both, however--there’s bound to be some tools for mischief lying around.”

“Let’s hurry then!” Talbot grunts as you pick up the pace! “My knees are starting to hurt!”

Following the scent trail through a winding series of ducts, you come to a stop directly above the source and immediately transition to drooling!

“Look alive, you dogs!” Barks a skeleton in a weathered chef’s hat! “Where the devil is my cheese!? The stew won’t settle without it!”

“Flannery went ter’ the freezer ta’ get it!” Answers another chef frantically stirring a bowl of ingredients! “An’ turn that blasted stove down or we be dinin’ on burnt sauce in the DRINK tonight!”

“Guess dis’ is da’ kitchen.” Ly remarks as you observe the chaos from a grille overlooking rows of ovens and prep areas! Tell us something you DON’T know!

“Well,” Ly continues, “it looks like dis’ vent continues a bit.” He adds, pointing out the ducts leading LEFT and RIGHT. Okay, that was something you didn’t know--well done. Following the vent to the LEFT, you enter some sort of STORAGE AREA where several chefs mill about collecting flour and other ingredients!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5015345
Two doors lie in the back--a frosted metal door that clearly leads to the FREEZER, and another wooden one which swings open continuously thanks to the parade of harried servers popping in and out! Looking closer, you notice them carrying heavy jugs of HISSING LIQUID-- as you strain your eyes to get a better look, two skeletons collide--both dropping their jugs onto the linoleum floor!

“Watch where ye’ walkin’, ya’ damned walrus!” Growls one of them as he quickly retrieves his jug! “We can barely keep up wit’ the demand as is!”

“Ye’ think me a cabin boy!?” Shouts the other as he rises to his peg leg! “‘Tis GROG--All mariners know what GROG be!”

The other server responds by tossing a handful of soiled dish rags at his counterpart. “Then ye’ know what it’ll do to the hull if ye’ spill it! ‘Tis flammable on a good day--if Ole’ Cookie’s ‘special brew’ gets any worse it’ll burn a hole through yer’ bones! So DON’T SPILL ANY!

Watching the two depart muttering angrily to themselves, you linger on a few choice words of theirs--’burn holes,’ ey?

“Sounds dangerous.” Sybil remarks with a nasty giggle. “Let’s go see what else there is to play with.”

Heading back the way you came and then following the ducts to the RIGHT, you find yourselves overlooking an immaculate ballroom overlooking the sea--the dance floor bordered by pillars with silk drapery and dining tables set to impress!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5015347
Well, they were. Clearly not the target audience, a veritable army of SKELETON pirates crowd the tables staining the tablecloths with booze, spit, and half-chewed food! Beyond the dance floor sits a collection of DJ EQUIPMENT with a long cable leading into the wall! In front of the DJ Booth sit a group of pirates with appropriate instruments--the hall echoing with a jaunty, if not slightly-eerie tune:

https://youtu.be/xCU45_GVsyY

The scene is made even spookier once you spot the decorations--countless MANATEE staff members hang from the chandeliers by their feet--their faces a spectrum of different shades of blue, purple, and red.

“Check it out!” Talbot hisses, pointing above the DJ BOOTH. Following his finger, you spot a table marked with a gaudy and ornate throne fit for.. Well… A pirate. Up above it hangs a MANATEE ORNAMENT held aloft by a tangle of wires bolted to the ceiling!

“You think his highness is gonna sit there?” He asks, grinning maliciously! You nod--it certainly isn’t for Andre!

“Speaking of,” Sybil mutters to herself, “Where is he?”

As if waiting for her question, the revelry is disrupted by the sound of a door slamming open followed by the sound of several pairs of boots! Peering through the grille, you spot your old er… friend’s? skull held aloft on a metal pole along with a few of his friends! As a pack of pirates parades him and his mates through the dining hall, the partiers greet the Frenchman by pelting him with bits of food and drinking mugs!

“You yellow-bellied curs!” He shouts to the rest of the crew’s enjoyment! “You are making a mistake, mark my words!”

Andre’s protests are cut short by the sound of an explosion ripping across the hall! Before you can determine where it came from, one of the chandeliers explodes in a shower of glass and human remains as a cannonball sails through it and out into the ocean!

“Now now, Mr. Butcher,” growls a ragged voice from above, “There be no captain alive who hasn’t made a mistake now and again…”

You and your pals turn around just in time to spot the source of the voice as he emerges from behind the VIP CHAIR above!

“That bein’ said… Don’t go makin’ a mistake yourself…”

“It’s him!” Talbot hisses into your ear! “MONTOYA!

"Err, MENDOZA." Syb corrects.

Yikes!
>CONTD.
>>
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>>5015349
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqny3Qkxl1E

All the mouths in the dining hall, undead or otherwise, slam shut upon hearing the captain’s words. Scowling at his crew with a crimson flame dancing in his eye socket, CAPTAIN MENDOZA wordlessly retrieves a rusty cannonball from one of several bandoleers wrapped around his imposing frame and stuffs it into the wrought-iron tube grafted to his left arm! With one last menacing growl, the pirate slumps into his chair and motions the bearers of Andre’s skull forward.

“Now then,” he purrs, “What be this I hear about the PEARL,?”

“I told you,” Andre explains, mustache drooping with unease, “Eet was stolen by zee JANITOR!

Your surprised gasp is intercepted by Sybil’s hand! That sonnova-

“How convenient!” Replies Mendoza with a grim chuckle! “Yet here ye be on my vessel wit’ nothin’ ta show for it!” The pirate leans forward in his chair with a fearsome creak! “Perhaps the instructions were too complex for ye? Perhaps I should ‘ave penned them in ‘français?’”

The crew starts to laugh, but Mendoza quickly nips it in the bud by slamming his cannon on the table!

“Let me try a different way, then--I was ta’ gain a PEARL. Instead I lost the pear AND an oarsman… Yet through some divine providence, ye an’ the rest of yer’ snaileaters not only spied that Parble lass, but also ESCAPED ta’ boot…”

The captain’s burning eye narrows ever so slightly. “Seems a mite convenient when I be sayin’ it out loud, don’t ye agree?”

Watching events unfold, you feel a tug at your shoulder.

“Stan,” Syb whispers, “We should probably do something now while they’re all distracted!”

Yea, you mutter, but what? You saw some stuff you could use, but how should you use it?

“We also haven’t seen that TOTEM of his!” Talbot reminds you! “Isn’t it supposed to be on him somewhere? What if he uses it?”

In any case, now seems like a good time to do something--the question is, what?

>TAMPER WITH THE GROG!
>HAVE SYB DISGUISE YOU AND TALBOT AS PIRATES! (THIS WILL EXHAUST HER)
>HAVE LY POSSESS SOMEONE!
>CLIMB UP TO THE MANATEE ORNAMENT’S RIGGINGS!
>BLAST THE MANATEE!
>CONFRONT THE CAPTAIN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all for tonight, folks--should have more for ya SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Hope to see you then and thanks for playing!
>>
>>5015351
>CLIMB UP TO THE MANATEE ORNAMENT’S RIGGINGS!
>>
>>5015351
>>CLIMB UP TO THE MANATEE ORNAMENT’S RIGGINGS!
>>
>>5015351
>CLIMB UP TO THE MANATEE ORNAMENT’S RIGGINGS!
Can we have Talbot start doing mischief with the grog? Or really anything else he feels like doing to potentially tilt the odds for us.
>>
>>5015393
Certainly--feel free to delegate if you wanna enact MAXIMUM MISCHIEF-- just know that success might require some trickier rolls!
>>
>>5015393
>>5015351

Support with my vote. Let’s do it.
>>
>>5015396
>Have Talbot tamper with the grog
>Have Ly posses someone.
>Have Sybil disguise herself as a pirate and wait until she feels she can do the most with whatever magic she will have left.
>Have Ly and Sybil look for as many bastards in the dining hall and try to get them ready to help out.
>>
>>5015393
>>5015412
>CLIMB TO THE RIGGINGS
>TALBOT MESSES WITH THE GROG!

>>5015364
>CLIMB THE RIGGINGS!

>>5015425
>MAXIMUM HIJINKS

Looks like we're going for the manatee while Talbot screws with the grog--don't worry, though--you can add more fuel to the fire as we continue! Writing!
>>
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Sybil’s right--you should act now while they’re all distracted! Quietly unscrewing the grille from the vent, you explain your plan as you go: you and Syb will head for the wires and rigging holding that MANATEE ORNAMENT up above the captain!

“Risky, but it might just work.” Syb remarks with a twinkle in her eye. “Just need to get there before anyone decides to look up…”

Satisfied, you turn to face an impatient-looking Talbot staring at you. What?

“Let me guess--I’m gonna keep watch or something lame like that, huh?”

You WERE gonna let him wreak havoc on that GROG you saw earlier, but if it’s too tough for him, well-

“Piece of cake!” He exclaims, nearly giving you all away! Dodging your forehead flick by retreating back the way you all came from, a look of recognition pops onto the janitor’s face!

“Oh, right: if things go south, where should we link up?”

You blink--crap, you didn’t think of that! Maybe uh… The vents? In video games the enemies can never get you in the vents!

“There was that one game, though… The one with the ki-”

“Hate ta’ interrupt, but what am I gonna do?” Ly asks, clearly not too broken up about interrupting. You shrug--for now he can sit tight, but if you see someone worth possessing, well…

“Gotcha. Just say da’ word!” Replies your skeleton in an excited tone! Nodding to your pals, you prepare to spring your plan into action--you and Syb hitting the ornament, Talbot adding a few secret ingredients!

The question is, FROM WHOSE PERSPECTIVE SHOULD WE CONTINUE?
>STAN
>TALBOT
>???
>>
>>5015808
>???
>>
>>5015808

>>???
>>
>>5015808
>???
>>
>>5015866
>>5015888
>>5015917
>???

No one can resist the mystery box! Writing!
>>
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<<MEANWHILE…>>

“See anythin’?”

The sudden question jolts you awake in your seat! Wiping the drool from the corner of your mouth, you turn towards the voice and shake your head--all be well!

“Course it be…” Drones your fellow watchmen Danny as he drums his bony fingers on the desk. “Say what ye will about convenience--tis a chore ta’ watch a screen all night…”

You nod as you scan the bank of monitors in front of you for the eighty-second time since your watch started--at least when ye be in the crow’s nest ye had the nip of the wind ta’ keep ye’ focused--but this? ‘Tis enough ta’ put ye’ to sleep!

Peepers said they be ‘Security Cameras--machines made ta’ catch stowaways an’ layabouts. A right good idea, ye thought, but all ye been seein’ since ye sat down is a load of empty halls and a sentry here and again.

“Aye, they say no news be good news…” Danny groans, leaning back in his spinning chair, “Say, what be the word from Anton and Fernando? Weren’t they to relieve us soon?”

If you had eyes, ye’d be blinkin’ them right now--aye, you reply--they be later than usual. Retrievin’ yer RAIDEEYO from yer belt, ye tap the call button a few times to make yerself known--no, wait, that be the power swit-

Yer confusion is interrupted by the sound of a dull ‘TWHACK’ next to ye--drawing yer FLINTLOCK, ye watch as Danny slumps deeper into his seat with his skull caved in! And behind hi-

The poor guy never had a chance. As the STUN BATON causes the skeleton to do a quick jitterbug in his seat, your partner follows up with one clean smack to the side of the pirate’s head reducing it to bonemeal!

Not bad!

“Heehee~” Giggles your partner as she stows the baton on her toolbelt, “They looked like they could use a break!”

Speaking of, you promptly tear an arm off of your mark and crack it open--the insides glittering with MAGICAL MARROW.

“Does uh… Does that stuff really taste good?” Your partner asks, rubbing the fog from her mask’s red eye lenses. Lifting your own mask, you respond with a shrug and a chuckle--doesn’t matter when it’s good for you, does it?

“Guess not!” With the security room secured, the GOOD BOY SECURITY GUARD unceremoniously shoves the pirate’s corpse onto the floor and takes over his post. “You were right--this is going a lot easier than I thought it would!”

Smiling at her, you turn the volume back up on your headphones--when you’ve got a team like this, everything is a sinch!

https://youtu.be/mHjH3DyKChU

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5016035
Your name is BORIS PONDEROSA and you’re just a regular guy, really. You and your crack team have been doing what you can during this travesty--tracking down survivors, learning what you can--you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t tough! If a job has meaning, though, then it’s worth doing, so here you are lightening the load a little bit!

“I can’t believe this thing is still floating!” Bea remarks as she taps away at the security console! “Guess Stan isn’t here yet, huh?”

She’s always been a little slow--can’t be helped! You can help her with this LIEUTENANT problem, though… Before you can discuss things further, you feel the ORB in your pocket vibrate with activity! Setting it free, you take a seat in the other chair as the magical doohickey floats in front of the two of you.

“I take it the potions worked?”

“Yep!” Bea giggles through her filter! “Swimming over was a BLAST!

You never thought you’d say it, but you had a bit of fun being a fish, if only for a while! No sign of that DEMON either, so you guess it had bigger fish to fry!

“Amusing.” Replies Curt’s voice in a tone that is anything but amused. “In that case you can use the second doses I packed you to return to the mainland once your task is complete.”

Sounds like a plan, you say with a wink! Turning to Bea, you raise an eyebrow her way. What’s the status on the ‘present?’ Giving you a bewildered look, the security goon frantically pats her hefty uniform for the item in question!

“S-sorry!” She mutters under her breath! “I’ve been so forgetful lately--I know it’s in one of these pockets…”

Reaching onto her back, Bea’s eyes light up as her gauntlet-wrapped fingers find their target! Revealing a device resembling some kind of clock, she shows it off for you and Curt to see!

“Ta-da~! Found it!” Placing it on the desk, the guard turns her attention to the orb. “Say, Curt… W-will my medicine be ready by the time we get back? It always helps when I start to forget thi-”

“We will discuss it once you return.” Curt snaps as he looks your way. “It’s your operation, Mr. Ponderosa, but are there any further details you wish to discuss with me?”

Are there? You think you’ve got things locked down, but while you’ve got him on the horn…

>DOES HE REMEMBER THE PLAN?
>WHAT’S THE SITUATION ON THE COAST?
>HOW’S BEA DOING ANYWAYS?
>NOPE! LET’S TAKE DOWN THIS BOAT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5016037
Bones knew we wouldn't eb able to resist a mystery box, and he played us like a fiddle.

>DOES HE REMEMBER THE PLAN?
>HOW’S BEA DOING ANYWAYS?
>>
>>5016037
>>DOES HE REMEMBER THE PLAN?

FUCK BORIS
>>
>>5016037
>HOW’S BEA DOING ANYWAYS?
>DOES HE REMEMBER THE PLAN?
>>
>>5016046
>>5016069
>>5016146
>DOES HE REMEMBER THE PLAN?
>HOW'S BEA DOIN?

Writing!
>>
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You went over the plan a few times before setting out, but like Coach always said: a play only works if everyone knows what they’re doing! Chugging the MARROW from your fresh kill, you shake off the taste as your entire body feels rejuvenated--does Curt and his people know what the plan is?

“Do you think me a novice?” The orb responds with even more irritation in its voice. “My people are watching the coast for any skeleton reinforcements. We’ll also be ready with interference in case the DEMON appears. I’m sure you know your objectives by now…”

Hard to forget when you put ‘em together, you laugh! Infiltrate the boat: Check! Subvert security…”

“CHECK!” Bea cheerfully announces as her fingers dance across the keyboard!

She’s a peach! Where were you? Right… Kill the electricity--should be a main breaker around this Staff Area somewhere, and last but not least: plant the bomb, blow the boat to the moon, eliminate the Lieutenant, roll credits!

Turning your attention back to the orb, you give Curt’s proxy a smug grin--miss anything?

“... Clear as a whistle, Mr. Ponderosa.” Curt replies with a smile in his voice. “... Provided it all goes swimmingly, of course.”

You shrug--it’s not about adhering to the play--it’s about scoring touchdowns, right? If you gotta improvise you’ll improvise! After all, you pause, glancing between your trusty teammates, you’ve got the best people for the job, right?

“Indeed.” Curt replies with a hint of amusement.

“D’awww, I bet you tell every teammate that~!” Bea swoons! Speaking of, you segue, how’s she doing anyways? Memory acting up again?

“Ohhh it’s nothing, B!” She chirps, waving your concern away! It’s a simple gesture, but as she lowers her hand you notice her fingers trembling under her exo-suit. Shaking your head in mock disapproval, you look Bea in her lens-obscured eyes and smile. She’s gonna get her meds soon, but she’s gotta hold it together until after the mission!

“I… Of course!” She responds in a determined tone! “I won’t let you down, B--for you and Curt I can hold it together for as long as it takes!”

Patting her shoulder with a chuckle, you tell her that it ain’t gonna take that long! Turning your attention back to the orb, you give Curt a nod--you’re good for now!

“Good. I’ll keep you informed.”

With that the orb’s color flickers away as it drops into your hand. Tucking it away into your coverall pockets, you lower your CHOSEN ONE MASK over your face and nod to Bea--time to get to work!

“Aye aye, captain~” She replies with a giggle! “I’ve got your back!”

As she scoops the bomb back into her inventory, you ponder the next move--no time to waste: you’ve got some journalists to talk to back at THE LODGE!

>CHECK THE SECURITY FEEDS AGAIN
>PROCEED TO THE BOMBING TARGET
>FIND THE BREAKER
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5016203
>CHECK THE SECURITY FEEDS AGAIN
Gotta make sure theres no snags in our plan.
>>
>>5016203
>>CHECK THE SECURITY FEEDS AGAIN
>>
>>5016207
>>5016222
>CHECK THE FEEEEEDS
Writing!
>>
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A thought occurs to you as you move to leave the SECURITY STATION. Turning to your amazon partner as she rises from her seat, you ask her if she sees anything else on the camera feed.

“Don’t worry, B--the recordings are off and I disabled the alarms, so-” The security guard pauses mid-sentence as she realizes what you said. “Oh! Sorry about that! Let’s see…”

Leaning over her sizable shoulder, you join her in scanning the monitors. It’s probably nothing, you think aloud, but you’d rather be sure before finishing things up!

ROLL 2d100s TO SEE IF YOU NOTICE ANYTHING! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
>>5016284
Gonna be the last update of the night, too, folks--got some plans for the rest of the evening so I can't promise any more updates! Should have something ready MONDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST, though! Thanks again for playing in case I don't update for the rest of tonight!
>>
Rolled 48, 59 = 107 (2d100)

>>5016284
>>
Rolled 8, 43 = 51 (2d100)

>>5016284
Ugh, come on BOREis
>>
Rolled 56, 32 = 88 (2d100)

>>5016284
>>
>>5016299
>>5016311
>>5016382
>HIGHEST ROLLS: 56 AND 59!

Writing a short update before bed!

>>5016311
>implying these are HIS rolls
>>
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>>5016458
You’re rarely wrong about these things, but you’ve cleaned up enough messes to know that it pays to be thorough! So when you see nothing out of the ordinary on the monitors save for a few more drunken pirates and some kind of event in the main ballroom, you give Bea a confident pat on the back--looks like the mission is go!

“Gee, that’s one heck of a ballroom, huh?” The guard mutters in a dreamy voice! “Can you imagine dancing on it on a beautiful night? Gives me goosebumps!

A fresh smile forms on your face as you watch the feed with interest--the audio is garbled, but the image is clear--someone pissed off ole’ CAPTAIN MENDOZA. Wouldn’t wanna get on that guy’s bad side!

It’s only after the captain slams his cannon arm on the table that you notice it--the faintest hint of a shadow behind one of the long curtains fluttering from one of the many columns around the room! Furrowing your blonde brow, you briefly contemplate rewinding the footage, but pause mid-reach… That’s right--Bea disabled the recording. Sensing you glancing her way, the guard cocks her helmeted head to the side in a gesture you’ve learned to recognize as a smile.

“Can you imagine it, B? Doesn’t it sound ROMANTIC?

Shaking your slight disappointment off, you give your partner a sly wink--it sure does, and once this is all over she’s gonna be able to experience all of it!

“You think so?” She replies, with a hint of worry in her perpetually-cheery voice. “... What about Stanley? Do you… Do you think she’ll remember us after all of this?”

You respond with a laugh and a shrug--you’re just gonna have to see, aren’t you? In the meantime, though, you segue as you help Bea to her armor-clad feet, you’ve got a job to do!

“Right!” She nods, twirling the STUN BATON almost as big as you, “Let’s go make some fireworks!”

<<MEANWHILE…>>

WHO SHOULD WE FOLLOW NEXT?

>TALBOT
>STAN
>>
>>5016470
>STAN
>>
>>5016470
>STAN

We have a history with Boris?!
>>
>>5016470
>STAN
>>
>>5016470
>>STAN
>>
>>5016543
Far too much of one... Pompous prick...
>>
>>5016493
>>5016543
>>5016619
>>5016683
>BACK TO STAN!

>>5016543
You betcha--Stan and Boris went to the same High School. Boris was a star football player for a while before a catastrophic injury while Stan was the lovable Clearwater Carp Mascot.

Their shifts also tended to overlap a bit back at Good Boy, too, much to Stan's chagrin.

Anywho, we're writing!
>>
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Wrapping your gloved hand around the SECURITY ROOM door handle, you pause to look at Bea expectantly… Is she forgetting something?

“Wha? …OH!” Eyes widening with realization, the hulking Rent-A-Cop turns her attention back to the security terminal and flicks her STUN BATON on with a menacing buzz!

“What’ll it be, boss?” She asks with a smile in her voice, “A Few Dings, or Reduce to Rubble?

You respond with a grin--does she have to ask?

<<MEANWHILE…>>

You’re STANLEY PARBLE in case anyone forgot, and as you finish climbing to the top of one of the ballroom curtains, you feel a sense of indescribable dread wash over you.

“It wouldn’t have anything ta’ do wit’ da homicidal pirates partyin’ below us, would it?” Ly asks as you shimmy towards the wires holding the MANATEE ORNAMENT over MENDOZA’S head like an endangered Sword of Damocles. No, you whisper as you creep along, you just can’t shake a weird feeling in your head!

“Stay focused.” Hisses a voice from behind you. Chancing a look back, you sigh with relief when you confirm it belongs to Syb. Does she feel it too, then?

“Trust me,” She whispers, “I’ve got quite a few things on my mind right now…”

“So that eez it, non?” Snaps a familiar French voice from below! “I sail under yer flag for ages and thees eez ‘ow it ends?”

Another slam on the table nearly sends you tumbling from your perch! “Aye,” growls MENDOZA, “A fitting end for a TRAITOR! And don’t be thinkin’ I haven’t seen the rest of you lot speakin’ in hushed breaths…”

Watching from above, you notice a few servers rushing to the tables with several jugs of GROG-- their contents bubbling more violently than before! Christ, you can see it from here! As the drinks are distributed amongst the pirates, you barely manage to spot a few red hairs lingering behind the grille you emerged from. Did that S.O.B actually manage it?

“It would appear so…” Syb whispers excitedly! “He’s rather fierce when you get past his… Eccentricities, ey, Stan?”

Yea sure, he’s a real treat. Speaking of, what are you gonna do next?
>DROP THE MANATEE!
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUUCK!
>ROCKET-LAUNCHER THE PIRATES!
>HAVE LY POSSESS SOMEONE!
>HAVE SYB CAST A SPELL (WHICH ONE?)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5017264
>>DROP THE MANATEE!
>>
>>5017264
>>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUUCK!
I think Mendoza will want to...
DUUUUUUCK!!
>>
>>5017264
>>DROP THE MANATEE!
>>
>>5017264
>DROP THE MANATEE!
>>
>>5017264
>REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUUUUUCK!
>>
>>5017272
>>5017333
>>5017341
>Look out below!

>>5017329
>>5017370
>Duck, you sucker!

Looks like we're dropping the payload--I can't write an update until after work, but I'll tell you what I CAN do....

I CAN take some ROLLS! ROLL ME 1D100+5 THANKS TO THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 66 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5017780
>>
Rolled 94 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5017780
>>
Rolled 98 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5017780
>>
>>5017782
>>5017827
>>5017833
>HIGHEST ROLL: 103!

Holy shit, guys. Got a bit of an early update today--writing!
>>
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What you climbed up here for, of course! Scampering up to the metal anchor where the MANATEE ORNAMENT’S wires are held, you glance between the tacky decoration and its target a few times just in case… Yep, this should work!

“It should certainly even the odds a little!” Syb adds with a stifled giggle! “Ready when you are, Stan--I’ll run interference on the others as needed!”

She can start by running interference on how LOUD she’s being! Does she want to alert this chump?

Extending your BONE CLAWS into position before Sybil can snap at you, you carve through the wires just as the argument below comes to a head!

ANDRE THE BUTCHER,” Mendoza roars, retrieving something from under his hat, “As captain of this band of merry hellraisers, I sentence ye’ ta’ a watery grave--in the gullet of a SEA DEMON!

In normal circumstances the captain probably would have heard the wires whistling as they came undone, but Mendoza’s too distracted to notice! As the ornament falls towards him, the pirate captain stands up from his chair and points at the crowd one more time with a RUBY IDOL in his bony hand!

EVER THUS TA’ TRAITORS! AN’ IF I BE AN UNFIT CAPTAIN, MAY THE LORD, DEVIL, AN’ WHOEVER ELSE BE LISTENIN’ STRIKE ME DO-

Mendoza never finishes his speech. With the grace of the animal it was modeled after, the manatee ornament lands on the captain with a ship-shaking CRASH! Before the dust settles, you watch as the floor beneath the VIP table collapses, sending your quarry, the manatee, and a few unfortunate pieces of silverware careening through the next few floors!

“Wow,” Ly remarks as the rest of the room watches in stupefied awe, “Guess dat’ thing was heavier den’ it looked!”

“Wait, Stan--” Syb interrupts, pointing a finger towards the crater, “LOOK!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5018131
Following your pal’s pale finger, you spot a hint of red amidst the dust and debris--the TOTEM! Before you can react, you watch helplessly as it too tumbles into the pit! Just when you’re about to go after it, the air below is filled with the angry roar of the diners below!

’TIS PARBLE, IT BE!” Shouts a hook-armed skeleton!

AYE, AND SOME MANNER OF MIME, TOO!” Exclaims another! Glancing between the drunken mob and her pale hands, Syb’s eyes glow with magical energy!

“Stan, I’m going to get upset now. Please back up.”

She doesn’t have to tell you twice! Planning your next move, your train of thought and Syb’s rampage are quickly derailed as the ballroom is filled with an agonized scream and an acrid smell! Whipping around to face the source, the pirates watch in horror as several buccaneers clutch their gold-covered stomachs in pain!

“Th-the GROG!” One moans! “It be--”

Before he can finish, the pirate’s entire lower torso dissolves into a puddle of bubbling liquid--a fate the rest of him soon shares. As more pirates share the same fate, Andre’s skull takes the opportunity to shout a rallying cry!

TO ARMS, YE’ BASTARDS!

And just like that, all hell breaks loose! While skeletons with ANDRE’S MARK turn on their fellow pirates, Sybil unleashes a storm of ARCANE BOLTS into the crowd!

“Hey, wait for ME!” Not to be left out, Talbot bursts from his hiding place and enters the fray with fists swinging and eye lasers blasting! Stumbling through a nearby door, Andre’s body reunites with its owner who immediately starts chopping up any pirate who comes near!

“Well,” Ly remarks as you smile at your handiwork, “dat’ coulda’ been worse.”

You nod, but it ain’t over yet! The question is, what’s the priority here?

>MOP UP THE PIRATES WITH ANDRE AND THE OTHERS!
>GO AFTER MENDOZA!
>TRACK DOWN THAT TOTEM!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5018134
>>GO AFTER MENDOZA!
>>
>>5018134
>TRACK DOWN THAT TOTEM!
>>
>>5018134
>>5018138

Changing to:
>TRACK DOWN THAT TOTEM!
>>
>>5018134
>>TRACK DOWN THAT TOTEM!
>>
>>5018134
>>TRACK DOWN THAT TOTEM!
>>
>>5018151
>>5018180
>>5018184
>>5018203
>TO THE TOTEM!

Writing!
>>
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Like a particularly cool car crash, you can’t seem to look away from the chaos unfolding below! “Errr, Stan?” Ly asks, rousing you from THE DECISION ZONE, “Yer’ uh… Yer’ droolin’.”

Huh? No you aren’t! Shaking off whatever spell you’ve fallen under, you smack yourself on the cheeks a few times and get a grip--gotta FOCUS!

“Focus on what?” Ly asks as Syb sends a pack of pirates sailing through the ballroom windows with a FIREBALL! Shifting your gaze towards the hole in the floor, a thought hits you like a runaway train--the TOTEM! It’s GONE!

“Very astute, Sherlock.” Ly mutters as Talbot clocks a portly pirate so hard his skull spins! “We goin’ after it?”

You respond with a despondent sigh as you make your way down from your perch--yea, you GUESS. You never get to do the fun stuff!

“Avoidin’ becomin’ a SEA DEMON’S appetizer is pretty fun.” Ly suggests. Ducking a group of pirates swinging into the fray on a chandelier, you shrug--you suppose!

Standing at the edge of the VIP CRATER, you peer down just in time to spot a RUBY GLINT roll out of sight a few floors down! Crap!

“STAN!”

Turning to face the voice, you find Talbot approaching you carrying two dazed pirates!

“Where ya’ going?” He asks, knocking their heads together like coconuts! “Don’t tell me you’re leavi-”

No time to explain, you explain! You’ve gotta track down that IDOL before the captain decides to use it!

“Ohhh yea, that.” Talbot blinks, knocking the pirate’s heads together again. “Yea, take care of that, will ya? We’ll clean up this mess.”

Looking past your bodyguard, you spot Andre swinging from a chandelier cackling like a madman! Waving to you, the pirate dives into the fray again sword-first! Waving to the pirate and to Talbot, you prepare to PARKOUR your way down to the idol.

“Hey uh, before you go…” Talbot mutters, finally smashing the pirate skulls into dust, “You uh…”

You WHAT?! The idol’s getting away! Panicked, your bodyguard stumbles over his next words:

“Okay, jeez! Just uh… Holler if you need something... okay?”

Yea, yea, you’ll let him know! Hopping from your perch, you PARKOUR down towards where you last saw the idol…

… And MENDOZA…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5018245
“Cripes, we really did a number on da’ place, huh?” Ly remarks as you hop from ledge to ledge! You did these cruise jerks a favor, you snarl--if it hadn’t dropped on the captain it would have dropped on some fat cat’s head instead! Would they rather repair their little boat or would they rather deal with a lawsuit?

“Good point.” Ly answers as you approach the incline where the IDOL disappeared. Swinging down via some exposed pipes, you sail through the air towards a slope leading down into another massive room!

“Careful on da’ landing, cupc-AAACK!

You and Ly scream simultaneously as your feet slip out from underneath you! Drenched in water, the incline becomes a water slide and carries you down into the area below! Landing in a heap onto a pile of crushed faux-bamboo chairs, you try your best to ignore the pain as you take stock of your surroundings:

Bamboo dividers divide the room into seating areas--their stalks painted with cherry blossom and old-timey samurai motifs. Near the center sits some kind of PREP AREA complete with stoves, coolers, and all manners of cutlery! That’s not the main attraction, though--that honor goes to the colossal CONVEYOR BELT snaking across the entire room carrying cute little plates bearing cardboard cutouts of tasty-looking sushi rolls!

“Looks like a restaurant…” Ly remarks, earning a derisive snort from you! No DUH--it’s one of those sushi joints you always hear about!

“... Da’ ones we’ve never been to?” He retorts as you rise to your feet again. You almost went to one, you huff! Not your fault your date got sick an hour before!

“Yer’ right.” Ly acquiesces. “How about we track down dat’ TOTEM?

Not a bad idea at all, you reply! Readjusting your hat, you scan the area for any sign of your goal, but come up short--despite taking the same path, you don’t see it anywhere! Where the heck could it be?

ROLL 1d100 TO TRACK IT DOWN! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
>>5018246
Hate to end it here tonight, all, but I almost fell asleep in my chair--gonna have to pick this up TOMORROW AROUND 6-7PM PST. See you around then!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5018246
Time to channel our inner sushi chef, we just made sashimi a little bit earlier. So we might have a bit of an edge in this fish slaughterhouse.
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5018246
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5018249
>>
>>5018251
>>5018262
>>5018265
>HIGHEST ROLL: 80!

Writing!
>>
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Not wasting any time, you get to work ransacking the joint--tables, chairs, plates on the conveyor belt, all of ‘em are tossed aside as you search for the demon-wrangling idol, but it’s no use--you can’t find the dang thing anywhere!

“You uh… You sure it fell down here?” Ly asks helpfully as you continue your search. NO, you growl, but you don’t wanna check anywhere else so it’s GOTTA be here-

Before you can finish whining, your frantic gaze falls upon a familiar ruby-colored totem--its surface covered in deep grooves that pulse with an unnatural crimson hue! Sitting patiently on a sushi plate, the totem slowly makes its way towards the opposite end of the room as if it was begging you to chase it! Rolling up what little sleeves you have, you scamper after the relic like a dog at the race track!

“Get it, girl!” Ly shouts as you hurdle over a series of tables! Taking a shortcut past a fish tank you slide across the glass display in an attempt to cut it off! How the heck is this belt moving so damn fast anyways!?

As you slide under another series of tables, your prize nearly lies within your reach! With one last leap, you clear a tasteful shelf of bonsai trees and flop onto the conveyor belt like the chef’s special!

Ye be a mite TOO slow, Parble!

The conveyor belt shifts into high gear as the gritty rum-soaked voice of CAPTAIN MENDOZA booms across the restaurant!

Oh GREAT.

>CONTD.
>>
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The suddenness of the shout startles you, of course, but not enough to stop your hands--snatching up the totem in your arms, you glance in the direction the taunt came from and flip it the bird!

Your gesture never makes it, however--blocked by an incoming cannonball, you quickly lower your finger and clutch your prize close to your chest as the projectile whizzes mere centimeters from your head! YIKES!

“Hell’s bells, ye grabbed it?!” The captain roars in disbelief! “Blasted machine--should have done it earlier!” Appearing next to some kind of CONTROL PANEL in the PREP AREA, the salty sea dog grits what few teeth he has left as his burning eye narrows in your direction! Yea, you taunt, he messed up BIG time!

“Ye’ be pokin’ a shark, lass,” He spits as he loads another ball into his cannon arm, “Don’t be cryin’ when ye’ get bitten!

Blowing a quick raspberry at the pirate, you roll off the side of the conveyor belt just in time to avoid another cannonball! As it soars into the wall a few feet away, you take cover behind the belt and fumble with the peculiar artifact currently humming ominously in your hands… Can this thing get any louder?!

“Surrender the totem, girl!” the skeleton warns, his bootsteps growing closer! “Ye’ only stand ta’ be hurtin’ yerself wit’ it!”

Yea, well, you reply, he stands to… Be hurtin’... Damn it, you HAD something for this!

“Stan, quick--” Ly interrupts, “We gotta do somethin’ about dis’ totem!”

Examining it closer, you find that it’s covered with several tiny buttons--their surfaces covered in strange writing that you can’t comprehend. What is this, Russian? With your opponent drawing closer, the humming grows louder--looks like you’ve gotta do something FAST!

>WAIT FOR MENDOZA TO APPROACH, THEN STRIKE!
>FIDDLE WITH THE BUTTONS!
>JUST BREAK THE DAMN THING!
>ASK MENDOZA HOW IT WORKS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5019128
>FIDDLE WITH THE BUTTONS!
Reminds me of some kind of magic remote control, I wonder what happens if we pop the batteries out?
>>
>>5019128
>FIDDLE WITH THE BUTTONS!
>>
>>5019128
>>FIDDLE WITH THE BUTTONS!
>>
>>5019131
>>5019134
>>5019145
>FIDDLE ME THIS, BATMAN!

Tell you what, folks--ROLL ME 1d10 TO DETERMINE WHAT KIND OF STUFF HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH A FRIGGIN' DEMONIC ARTIFACT.

I'LL TAKE 3 ROLLS. GOOD LUCK!
>>
Rolled 6 (1d10)

>>5019172
Ha ha, hee hee. Fiddle with the demon box do we
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>5019172
>>
>>5019185
>>5019197
In the interest of time, let's just take the numbers I see here...

>6, 2, 8

Writing!
>>
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No time for dilly-dallying, you hiss, you’re gonna have to figure this out yourself!

“Guess so…” Ly mutters as Mendoza draws closer! “Just be careful--who knows what dis’ thing is capable of!”

Right, you nod.

“Stan…” Ly adds, “I mean it.”

Yep.

“... You’re just mashin’ da’ buttons, cupcake.” Ly observes, ruining your concentration. “Really crunchin’ ‘em.”

Totally.

“... You know what? Fine. You probably ain’t even gonna listen anyways.”

Absolutely. Just when you’re really about to start button mashing, the totem lets out a dull gong that shakes you from head to toe!

“YE FOOL!” Mendoza cries as you struggle to stop quaking, “GIVE THAT HERE!”

You hear the pirate dive for cover as the lights flicker throughout the restaurant--when they return, you’re greeted by a tall, gaunt figure wearing a hodgepodge of flowing leather robes! Looking down at you with eyes blacker than a shark’s, the figure gives you a good look at the countless staples pressed into the flesh of his bald head!

YOU PRESSED THE BUTTON,” He drones in an impeccably clear voice. “WE CA-

The man’s dramatic entrance is cut short by a cannonball blazing a trail through his head. As the figure slumps to the ground in a pile of gray matter and tacky clothes, Mendoza peers at you menacingly from the other side of the belt!

“Ye be killin’ us ALL, ye’ slack-jawed RODENT!” Swinging for your head with a jewelled cutlass, you tuck and roll out of the way before sidestepping another cannonball! How many of those does this freak HAVE?

“How much ammo do YE be havin’?!?” He fires back as he loads another into his arm! Touché.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5019273
Tossing a nearby highchair the pirate’s way, both of you duck into cover as the totem acts again--this time filling the restaurant with an ear-splitting series of clicks!

“N-NO!” Mendoza cries, eye wide in horror! “NOOOOO!

Hah! You’ve got him now, you gloat, planting your hands on your hips victoriously!

Err… You already know, of course, but just in case Ly wants to know, what exactly did you do?

Mendoza answers by smashing a nearby stack of plates with his cannon arm! “Ye DOOMED us!”

As if on cue, a ruby beam of light matching the one coursing through the totem rips through the ceiling and into the air! Covering your eyes from the debris, you sheepishly raise an eyebrow at your opponent--uh, wha?

“The DEMON!” Snaps the captain! “Ye SUMMONED it!” Before he can elaborate, you feel the ship rise and fall under your feet--oh man, you’re gonna get seasick!

“Save me a seat in Hell, Parble!” The captain laughs as he turns tail and hobbles towards the exit! “It’ll be lookin’ fer’ warm meat--t’won’t be lookin’ fer the ole’ sea dog who jumped ship!”

Drawing a bead on him with your LASER EYE, you motion for him to stop--isn’t he supposed to go down with the ship, or whatever?! Chucking his hat at your face, Mendoza responds with another round of laughter! “Steel yerself, then, lass, ye’ been PROMOTED!”

Hastily stuffing the CAPTAIN’S HAT into your inventory, you draw a bead on him once more with your eye an-

Not wanting to be ignored, the totem explodes in a burst of crimson fog! Hacking up a lung, you clutch your throat in protest as your mouth and nostrils are assaulted with what smells like… Cinnamon?

“STAN!” Ly shouts as you tumble to the floor, “LOOK!”

Wincing through the rush of flavor, you waft away the remaining cloud just in time to witness the totem sail through the air directly into a wall! With a grimace-inducing ‘CRASH’, you watch in horror as the demonic and no-doubt extremely pawnable artifact shatters into pieces!

“Aw CRIPES...” Ly mutters as you look on with panic in your eyes! “... Slightly off-topic, but why do we smell like cinnamon?

A few test sniffs later and you confirm that yes, your whole body smells like cinnamon now.

That's kinda neat!

...And that’s when all the lights go off...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5019274
The waves buffeting the cruise ship weren’t fun, of course, but coupled with the pitch-blackness you currently find yourself in, they’re just downright nasty! Struggling to find your footing, you hear the former captain stumble and fall into what sounds like a fish tank not too far away!

Rising to his feet amidst a string of pirate curses that even make YOU blush, Mendoza glares in your direction with his burning eye!

“What manner of monkeyshines be these, lass!?” He roars, firing another cannonball your way! “Was summonin’ the demon not enough!?!”

Oh yea, you reply, this uh… This was all you! All your plan, yep! Dodging a server’s cart, you find some relief when a network of dim red emergency lights faintly illuminate the restaurant!

“Ye be a hellraiser after me own ‘eart, Parble,” Mendoza continues as he walks backwards towards the nearest doorway, “But ye have ta’ do FAR better than that ta’ send me ta’ Davy Jones!”

Vaulting over the conveyor belt, the pirate stumbles and falls as the belt sputters to life with ludicrous speed! Barely able to contain your laughter, you make your way towards the skeleton through the dim lights as the waves outside grow stronger!

“Ta’ Hell wit’ bein’ human!” Mendoza growls as he aims his arm towards the floor! “These bones won’t drown--I’ll be seeyin’ ye on the beach, Parble! In PIECES!

Oh crap, he’s actually trying to ESCAPE! This is the first time any of these idiots actually tried to do that!

“Shouldn’t we stop him, then?” Ly asks dryly. DUH!

HOW, THOUGH?

>TAUNT HIM! SURELY HIS EGO WON’T LET HIM RUN!
>LASER BLAST! IT’S A BIT DARK, BUT…
>TACKLE HIM WITH YOUR BONE CLAWS!
>SHOOT HIM! YOU’VE GOT PLENTY OF AMMO!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's all for tonight, folks--should have more THURSDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!

PASTEBIN UPDATED, BY THE WAY. CHECK THOSE BONE-USES!
>>
>>5019276
>SHOOT HIM! YOU’VE GOT PLENTY OF AMMO!
>>
>>5019276
>LASER BLAST! IT’S A BIT DARK, BUT…
>>
>>5019276
>SHOOT HIM! YOU’VE GOT PLENTY OF AMMO!
>>
>>5019276
>SHOOT HIM! YOU’VE GOT PLENTY OF AMMO!
>>
>>5019276
Is it too late to eat the not-cenobite's bone marrow?
>>
>>5019283
>>5019349
>>5019468
>LIGHT 'EM UP!

>>5019326
>LASERS!

>>5019553
It's NOT too late! I'm gonna put this into the next written update too because it made me chuckle. That's using the one noodle, anon!

In any case, looks like we're definitely shooting Mendoza. You know what that means!

ROLL ME 1D00-5 DUE TO POOR LIGHTING AND FOOTING! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

ALSO, LET US KNOW WHAT WEAPON YOU WANNA USE: SHOTGUN, LONG-RANGE RIFLE, ROCKET LAUNCHER, REVOLVER, ETC!
>>
Rolled 95 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5019693

Shotgun
>>
Rolled 70 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5019693
>ROCKET LAUNCHER, DUH
>>
Rolled 32 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5019693
>>
>>5019698
>>5019711
>>5019722
>HIGHEST ROLL: 90!
Writing!
>>
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https://youtu.be/DapHab7qtac
With STYLE, obviously! While Mendoza takes aim at the floor, you take aim at his STUPID face with your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION--no one escapes STANLEY PARBLE that easily!

Giving ole’ faithful a twirl, you pull the trigger back as i-whoops, dropped it!

Tumbling to the floor with a clatter, the shotgun goes off seconds after impact and sends a healthy serving of buckshot towards the fleeing pirate! Y-you meant to do that!

Hearing the commotion, Mendoza ducks to the side a few seconds too late. As the pellets tear through his long coat, the room rings with a series of clangs as if you were shooting a dinner bell! Knocked off-balance, the pirate stumbles even more when his cannon arm goes off with an ear-splitting BOOM that sends another cannonball flying towards the wall!

That’s cool and all, but you were kinda hoping to KILL him. What gives!? Sensing your confusion, the ex-captain laughs menacingly as he tugs at his grubby ruffled shirt!

“Bold indeed, lass,” He taunts, “But boldness don’t be winnin’ any battles!”

Trained by your countless encounters with homeless flashers, you instinctively cover your eyes when Mendoza tears his shirt open! Ly, you groan through closed eyes, is it SAFE!?

“He ain’t showin’ ya’ da’ GOODS, cupcake,” Ly mutters in annoyance, “so open ‘em up before he kills us!”

Venturing a peek, your eye is assaulted by a brilliant glow--looking closer, you find yourself staring at an impeccably-polished set of GOLD-PLATED RIBS! That BASTARD!

“Ye’ll have ta’ try a tad harder ta’ bust through THESE!” He gloats, grinning at you with gold-covered teeth! “Gold be my life, an’ it-”

Before he can finish explaining, the cannonball from before rebounds off the wall and crashes into Mendoza’s twelve carat ribs with a sickening crack! Pain spreads across his face as the projectile rolls to a stop on the ground, leaving both of you utterly speechless.

“Damn… it all…” He whines, stumbling backwards into a table!

“Guess we’re TABLIN’ dis’ discussion, huh?” Ly quips!

D’OH, why didn’t YOU think of that?!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5020403
“Don’t just stand there,” Ly commands, “GET ‘EM!”

You were GONNA, jeez! Scampering towards your still-recovering opponent, you take a few spills yourself thanks to the waves and the dim lighting! By the time you close the gap, however, the clinking of table settings and silverware is drowned out by a low, persistent groan from the floors below you!

As the otherworldly noise grows louder, you and Mendoza glance at each other as you come to the same spine-chilling realization--something VERY bad is about to happen!

https://youtu.be/kyR9oXNQAvE

Your confirmation comes in the form of not one, not two, but THREE massive columns crashing through the restaurant like a forest of fleshy redwoods! Ripping through the floor and ceiling as if they were toilet paper, the tentacles swiftly begin tearing the ship apart with their barb-covered suckers as their owner fills the area surrounding the ship with an earth-shaking shriek!

Ducking under an appendage wider than a gazebo, you quickly regain your footing just in time to have a cannon levelled in your direction!

“Well, lass,” Mendoza pants as he retreats backwards clutching his cracked ribs, “It be a mite unfortunate that I didn’t kill ye’ meself, but considerin’ the circumstances...” He continues, gesturing to the tentacles slowly choking the cruise ship, “I wager I’ll manage!”

Before you can wipe his stupid grin off with a BONE CLAW, the ex-captain deftly leaps into the air and grabs ahold of a nearby chandelier! Taking a few shots at him with your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION, Mendoza laughs madly as he swings between your attacks! Sidestepping ANOTHER tentacle, you regain your footing just in time to hear another telltale BOOM from the pirate’s cannon arm! Sure enough, another cannonball sails through the crumbling restaurant around you towards your face… Oh no--not your MONEY-MAKER!

Time is clearly NOT on your side here, but what should you do? You can’t exactly afford to mess up!

>DODGE THE BALL AND STAB HIS HEAD!
>KNOCK THE CANNONBALL BACK WITH A TELESCOPING MOP!
>AVOID THE SHOT AND BLAST HIS HEAD WITH SOMETHING!
>DISTRACT HIM WITH THE MERMAID SMUT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Sorry all: that's it for tonight! Things got a little busy on my end and I've gotta go in early tomorrow. Should be back at it again on FRIDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST, but we'll see what happens! Thanks for your patience and don't worry, we're still eating Staplehead marrow! Next time, honest!
>>
>>5020406
>>DISTRACT HIM WITH THE MERMAID SMUT!
T'aint no sailor alive or dead that can resist mermaid titties.
>>
>>5020406
>>DODGE THE BALL AND STAB HIS HEAD!

Forget the mermaid suit! Let's get our well-deserved BONE-US.
>>
>>5020406
>KNOCK THE CANNONBALL BACK WITH A TELESCOPING MOP!
We have a bonus to this.
>>
>>5020406
>KNOCK THE CANNONBALL BACK WITH A TELESCOPING MOP!
>>
>>5020406
>KNOCK THE CANNONBALL BACK WITH A TELESCOPING MOP!
>>
>>5020412
No one can resist the fish titties.
>THE OLE SMUT RAG SHUFFLE!

>>5020425
>FLOAT LIKE A LIFE PRESERVER, STING LIKE A SWORD!

>>5020468
>>5020505
>>5020611
>KNOCK 'EM OUTTA THE PARK!

Indeed you DO have a BONE-US for that! You know what that means...

ROLL ME 1D100+10 TO HIT A HOMER! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Should be ready to write an update after work, but you can still roll!
>>
Rolled 96 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5021225
>>
>>5021254
Don't even bother guys, I got it.
>>
Rolled 42 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5021225
Well we gotta get some rolls in anyways
>>
Rolled 99 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5021225
>>
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>>5021256
>>5021297

I think you meant I got it.
>>
>>5021299
>>5021254
Dice apparently reaaaaaally want us to absolutely dumpster Mendoza
>>
>>5021254
>>5021296
>>5021297
>HIGHEST RO-OKAY YOU FUCKING MADE IT

Hope the rolls are like this when I try to kill Art a few more times!

>>5021356
Seems that way... Guess what's happening next? WRITING
>>
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Doing your best to ignore the pirate’s raucous laughter and the chthonic aberration wreaking havoc on the only thing keeping you above water, you square your stance as the cannonball makes a beeline for your head and retrieve the GOO MOP you ‘borrowed’ from Talbot’s laboratory hideaway.

“Stan…” Ly warns as you raise the mop in a batting position, “Dis’... Dis’ ain’t a baseball, kiddo…”

Ignoring him, you choke up on the bat and take a deep breath as you keep your eyes on the ‘ball’--just like the batting cages, you whisper to no one in particular.

“Aw cripes…” Ly mutters as he braces you both for impact, “Guess we’re doin’ dis’, then!”

He guesses RIGHT! Bringing your ‘bat’ behind you, you wait until the cannonball is mere inches away before swinging with all your might!

A dull, resonating ‘THUD’ tells you all you need to know--you hit it. Mendoza freezes in mid-swing with a look on his face somewhere between worry and disbelief--even the tentacles seem to pause in anticipation! Feeling the weight of the ball pressing against your mop, you grit your teeth as you push back--it’s not over yet!

Muscles strain and bones quake as you fight to return the projectile back to its sender--so much so that your body stings with heat and drips with cinnamon-flavored sweat! The polished wooden floor beneath you splinters and moans, but it doesn’t give and neither do you! Like two sumo wrestlers fighting to knock each other back, you and the cannonball stand your ground--neither one of you daring to flinch or buckle!

You’re about to give up and duck to safety when you feel the ball give a little bit--the movement is slight, but it’s there, damn it!

“Come OOOOOOON!” Ly groans, pushing the mop with you in tandem! The load lightens a bit… Then a little more… Until finally you feel something give! With one final growl, you and Ly bring the mop forward and send the cannonball rocketing back to its sender!

YEEEEEESS!” Ly howls as the cannonball careens into the air! Threading the needle between two more tentacles emerging from below, the ball heads for Mendoza’s sweating beard!

“‘Tis… Tis MADNESS!” He whispers as his chandelier perch swings back into the projectile’s path! Letting go of the lights, the ex-captain tumbles towards the safety of the ground, but the cannonball beats him to it! Filling the restaurant with an ear-piercing ‘CRUNCH’, it digs through the pirate’s gold-plated ribcage, then tunnels through to the other side!

Tumbling to the ground with a blank look on his face, Mendoza lands unceremoniously upon a remaining table and crushes it into splinters.

As a fissure forms in the ground between you and his twitching form, you contemplate your next move:

>FINISH HIM OFF FROM HERE WITH A RANGED ATTACK (WHICH ONE?)
>HOP OVER AND GET CLOSE--YOU GOT QUESTIONS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5021807
>>HOP OVER AND GET CLOSE--YOU GOT QUESTIONS!
Obligatory info dump. Damn, what a pushover.
>>
>>5021807
>>HOP OVER AND GET CLOSE--YOU GOT QUESTIONS!
>>
>>5021807
>HOP OVER AND GET CLOSE--YOU GOT QUESTIONS!
>>
>>5021814
To be fair a manatee took him down like... Three floors. Plus you psychos keep rolling dingers!

>>5021814
>>5021818
>>5021869
>CLOSE QUARTERS QUESTIONING!

WRITING!
>>
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Looking at your downed opponent, you can’t help but chuckle to yourself--seriously? You’re pretty sure PERIWINKLE had a longer fight than he did, and she was a MINOR character!

If Mendoza hears your taunt, he doesn’t respond--instead the pirate uses his non-cannon arm to slowly inch towards the growing fissure in front of you--a grim reminder that you don’t have all day to get things wrapped up here!

Craving your customary info dump, you opt to get up close and personal! Taking a few steps back, you lick a finger and hold it in the air to test the wind--you don’t really feel anything, but you do taste cinnamon--that’s gonna take some getting used to…

“We doin’ dis’ or what, cupcake?!” Ly shouts as the tentacles begin to constrict around the ship! Not bothering to answer, you take a running start and leap across the gap! Chancing a look below you, you immediately regret it--amidst a tangle of tentacles and dark sea water waits a massive glowing orb that follows you as you clear the gap. It’s a good thing you’re busy jumping, otherwise you’d probably be frozen up right now!

Through some small miracle you manage to avoid impaling yourself on the other side of the fissure as the cruise ship begins to tilt upwards. Crawling up the side with your BONE CLAWS, you grit your teeth and frown as Mendoza’s prone form slowly slides down towards the water--not on your watch! Intercepting and catching the pirate with one daring leap, you find yourself sliding down with him--damn your weight differences!

“Well,” he mutters as the two of you draw closer to the fissure’s edge, “I suppose this be the last voyage, ey lass?”

You frown--sure, if he’d stop trying to slither away from it! He and his fellow CLUB MORON members died before--aren’t they like, used to it by now or something?

“Aye, true,” he nods as you stab your claws into the floor in a last ditch attempt to stay dry! “Tis not the first time I’ve stared death in his eye…” The ex-captain looks down at what you guess is the demon’s eye. “... But maybe… Maybe this be the last…”

You respond with an exaggerated ‘PSSSH’ as you look around the place--yea, you think it is! Clinging to his dead weight, you dig your claws in a little deeper as you tell him to hang in there--you’ve got QUESTIONS!

“Course ya’ do,” Mendoza mutters as furniture from the rooms above tumbles into the water below. “Best be speakin’ loud, then--can hardly hear above this din!”

Leaning in close, you contemplate where to start…

>HOW DO I GET TO ATLANTIS?
>WHY DID YOU WANT THAT PEARL?
>TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT SEA DEMON!
>HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
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>>5021953
HOLD THAT THOUGHT! As you begin to open your mouth, you’re interrupted by the sound of splintering wood! Glancing at your claw, you look just in time to see your handhold detach from the rest of the ship and send you both to the water below! CRAP!

Scrambling to stab something more sturdy, you feel two bony arms wrap around you in a firm bear hug--sometimes you forget that these boneheads are STRONG! Turning to deliver some choice words to Mendoza, you find his body missing a vital component--his FAT HEAD!

Struggling against the pirate’s vise-grip, a menacing laugh leads you to the ex-captain’s skull as it sails over to the edge of the fissure and clings to the side with his mighty jaws!

“Da’ bastard HOPPED OFF!” Ly exclaims as your opponent’s skull grips the wood in his gold teeth!

“RRRR!” Mendoza growls as you take the plunge, “Prghtngh br sghsh shwrrt shrrorrrw…”

Oh NO he doesn’t! Trying to break free, you watch as the skull grows farther with each second--no time to think here, you’ve just gotta ESCAPE!

ROLL 1d100 TO BREAK FREE AND HOP TO SAFETY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5021958

Dubs and Boris goes to Davy Jones’ Locker
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5021958
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>5021958
Can we eat his body's marrow right now?
>>
>>5021960
>>5021988
>>5021995
>HIGHEST ROLL: 95

>>5021995
With rolls like that you can eat whatever you want, you PSYCHOS! Writing the last update of the night!
>>
>>5021998
Great, let's go eat Sybil and gain her magic. That is why we saved her from Periwinkle, right?
>>
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>>5022028
>All in good time, anon... All in good time...

Seething at this dude’s what, seventh escape attempt tonight? You lean into Mendoza’s non-cannon arm and dig your teeth into his shoulder! Stifling a shriek of pain, the skull continues to cling to the side of the fissure, but you feel his grip on you weaken! Hands off, CREEP!

Pressing both feet against his ribcage, you push off backwards and tear both of Mendoza’s arms from their sockets in the process! It’s a nice reprieve from being bear-hugged, you’ll admit, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still falling! Seeing Mendoza’s cannon arm gives you an idea, though: kicking the appendage towards a cluster of broken pipes, the weapon slides onto one of them with a satisfying ‘SHUNK!’ creating the perfect perch!

Another tentacle shoots past you as you land on your new foothold, instead opting to take its frustration out on the floors above.

“Hope Syb and da’ others are okay…” Ly remarks as you regain your balance on the new platform. Them!? You snap as you hastily carve up Mendoza’s torso, what about YOU?! Another rain of furniture from above crashes downwards, peppering the water below with enough chairs and beds to start a new hotel. As you gather up Mendoza’s bones in your hands, you gain one more surprise in the form of a certain skull falling from above--not one to look a gift skeleton in the eye, you catch the skull in your outstretched hand and give him a devious smile--any more exciting escape plans?

“Well,” he mutters, teeth still stuffed with wood chips, “There be nothin’ comin’ ta’ mind, no…”

GREAT, you snarl! In that case he can friggin’ wait--you’ve got some BONE POWERS to gain! Rifling through your collection of freshly-harvested limbs and ribs, you make sure to keep a tight grip on the pirate’s skull as you select your meal:

CHOOSE YOUR BONE-US!
>SEA LEGS: Ever get that sinking feeling? Not anymore! With these babies you’ll be swimming and moving underwater almost as well as you would on land! Enjoy BONE-USES every time you do something UNDERWATER!
>FENCER’S FEMURS: No self-respecting swashbuckler is complete without an uncanny sense of balance and cat-like poise! Besides getting better with BLADED WEAPONS, you’ll also become better at BALANCING and performing ACROBATIC FEATS!
>MARINER’S MAXILLA: What makes a captain a captain? Is it his fetching hat? His experience on the sea? With this new bone you won’t need any of that--you’ll find it much easier to BOSS PEOPLE AROUND and GET WHAT YOU WANT!
>>
That's all for tonight, by the way--pretty sure my tiredness is leaking into my writing by now. I'll be back SATURDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, though, so get your BONE-US votes in until then! Happy weekend and hope to see you again then!
>>
>>5022039
>>FENCER’S FEMURS: No self-respecting swashbuckler is complete without an uncanny sense of balance and cat-like poise! Besides getting better with BLADED WEAPONS, you’ll also become better at BALANCING and performing ACROBATIC FEATS!
>>
>>5022039
>FENCER’S FEMURS: No self-respecting swashbuckler is complete without an uncanny sense of balance and cat-like poise! Besides getting better with BLADED WEAPONS, you’ll also become better at BALANCING and performing ACROBATIC FEATS!

Parkour, baby!
>>
>>5022039
>FENCER’S FEMURS: No self-respecting swashbuckler is complete without an uncanny sense of balance and cat-like poise! Besides getting better with BLADED WEAPONS, you’ll also become better at BALANCING and performing ACROBATIC FEATS!
>>
>>5022039
>SEA LEGS: Ever get that sinking feeling? Not anymore! With these babies you’ll be swimming and moving underwater almost as well as you would on land! Enjoy BONE-USES every time you do something UNDERWATER!
We still need to attack Atlantis
>>
>>5022039
>>FENCER’S FEMURS: No self-respecting swashbuckler is complete without an uncanny sense of balance and cat-like poise! Besides getting better with BLADED WEAPONS, you’ll also become better at BALANCING and performing ACROBATIC FEATS!
>>
>>5022043
>>5022045
>>5022051
>>5022255
>FENCER'S FEMURS!

>>5022099
>SEA LEGS!

Writing!
>>
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Bracing yourself against the cluster of pipes next to you, you snatch up one of Mendoza’s legs and let the rest tumble into the water still remembering what happened the last time you tried to double dip.

“D’AUGH!” The pirate groans as his pieces tumble into the yawning drink below! “Ye’d best be droppin’ me skull as well, lass--age be damned, I be havin’ a spotless memory!” The skeleton’s burning eye narrows your way as you slice open the tip of his upper leg. “An’ whether we be meetin’ on Earth or in Hell, I’ll be payin’ ye yer due recompense, mark my wo-”

You shut him up by rapping the side of his head against a pipe! He’s got a lot of attitude for someone who’s about to have his uh… Leg… Bone eaten!

“Arrrr, ye haven’t seen a fraction of it yet, ye’ freakish rod-augh, that be makin’ me queasy…”

You can’t help but feel a little self-conscious as you hastily chug the glowing contents of Mendoza’s bone, but those feelings are quickly replaced by a sudden bout of nausea and fever! Oh crap--doing this always hurts, doesn’t it?

“An’ ya picked SUCH a nice place ta’ do it, too…” Ly quips as one of the sea demon’s tentacles drags an entire kitchen (skeleton staff included) into the sea! Half-collapsing and half-lowering yourself to the pipe, you cling to the cannon you’re currently perched on like a cat above a pool mere seconds before a now familiar wave of stabbing pains rush through your body!

Gritting your teeth in protest, you white-knuckle Mendoza’s skull as the world spins around you--a cold sweat forming on your pale brow as you cling on for dear life!

“Aye, lass, careful now!” The skull laughs as a tentacle probes the floor above you for morsels, “Ye wouldn’t want ta’ be droppin’ us, now would ye?”

Hissing a curt ‘shaddap’ through your clenched teeth, you close your eyes as pain rushes through your legs like hot coals! For a moment your grip on the cannon falters, but hugging it closer with your arms does the trick… For now!

… Until, that is, you hear the ship behind you splinter from something burrowing through it. Fighting against your protesting body in an attempt to get up, the pain causes your vision to spin, and as the colors around you blend together, you realize that you REALLY aren’t in the condition to be making daring escapes right now!

ROLL 1d100-10 TO GET TO SAFETY! YOUR BONE-US IS COMING, BUT NOT QUITE QUICKLY ENOUGH! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 89 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5022476
Well let's hope we don't whiff It now
>>
Rolled 54 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5022476
>>
Rolled 100 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5022476
>>
>>5022492
The dice reaaaaally hate Mendoza apparently. I haven't witnessed a dumpstering like this in the entire quest.
>>
>>5022502
Poor guy--even the masochistic fish people fought back harder...

>>5022481
>>5022488
>>5022492
>HIGHEST ROLL: MOTHERFLIPPIN' 100! YOU DID IT, FOLKS!

Guess I'm gonna have to make this REALLY good, huh? Writing!
>>
>>5022492
Holy shit, I thought I'd never get to see this.
>>
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“D’awww, what be the matter, lassie? Feelin’ a touch seasick?” Ignoring the skull’s increasingly annoying taunts, you try your best to shake the blur out of your eyes and the pain in your bones as you feel your foothold buckle beneath you!

“Stan,” Ly says in a concerned voice, “I hate ta’ do dis’, honey, but we gotta… We gotta go…”

Slapping your cheeks a few times, you nod--he’s right, of course--it’d be downright embarrassing to snuff it here! Rising to your shaky legs, a wave of calmness washes over you--one that takes the pain and nausea with it! In fact, you almost feel like you could stand on the cannon with one foot! Testing it out, your suspicions are confirmed--you weren’t exactly coordinated before, but as the wall crashes towards the demon below, you don’t feel at all concerned--in fact, you feel pretty damn GOOD!

“Now, Stan!” Ly shouts as you leap from your perch and onto the adjoining side of the fissure! Like a rock climber in an energy bar commercial, you scamper up the wall and into the sushi restaurant in record time!

“Inconceivable!” Mendoza whimpers from the safety of your outstretched hand! Conceive it, bitch: you’re doing this with one friggin’ hand!

“Stan, I…” Ly mutters as you look for the hole leading to the ballroom, “I feel GOOD! Like REAL good!”

Part of you wants to say something snarky like ‘yeah, DUH’, but you stop yourself--you’re feeling way too good too! It’s like someone plugged a full battery into you or something!

“It’s more then dat,” Ly continues excitedly, “I think… I dunno, I just feel like dat’ leg had double da’ magic, ya know?”

Now that you think about it, yea, it did feel a bit spicier than usual! You can’t put your finger on it, but something tells you you made out like a bandit!

BONE-US ACQUIRED: FENCER’S FEMURS
BONE-US ACQUIRED: SEA LEGS!
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: THE BIG ONE HUNDO!


Seeing your exit in the ceiling across the room, you dart through the emergency-lit restaurant like a waitress with a purpose! Vaulting over the conveyor belt, your eye catches the rapidly-decomposing form of that staple-headed guy Mendoza wasted earlier--hey creep, you bark as you rap the ex-captain’s skull with your knuckles, do you recognize this guy?

“No.” Mendoza grumbles in a tone usually reserved for kids who just lost a Little League game. “An’ I don’t be wantin’ ta’ know ‘em. Freak.”

Okay first of all: RUDE.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5022592
Poking the corpse with your foot, you raise an eyebrow at the skull. Then he won’t mind if you take a snack for the road, will he? Eagerly extending your BONE CLAWS, you’re just about to get to carving when Ly lets out one of his trademark ‘uncertain grunts’. Oh boy, what is it NOW?

“Well fer’ starters,” Ly begins in a matter-of-fact tone, “Dis’ place is comin’ down, Stan.” Ly points your head at the cruise ship being rapidly-dissected by tentacles for emphasis. Okay, you shrug, valid concern.

“Second,” he adds, borrowing your non-Mendoza-holding hand to point at the leather-bound corpse, “Dat’s uh… Dat’s not a skeleton.”

Sometimes Ly marvels you with how DUMB he is: what does he think is stuffed inside of that pale meat, huh? CANDY?

“Still,” Ly counters, “I’m not sensin’ any magic in those, cupcake. I wouldn’t eat any.”

Well then it’s a good thing he doesn’t have a stomach, huh?! Bending down to carve a piece, you notice something poking out of the summonee’s pocket--picking it up reveals an uncomfortably skin-like piece of paper marked with runes you can’t quite comprehend…

“What’s dat?” Ly asks, popping into his ASTRAL FORM to investigate! You shrug--probably Chinese or something--you’ll show it off to Syb later! Stuffing the chicken scratch into your pocket, you finish up your grim task and lick your lips--anyone up for seconds?

“Errr, ya’ know what? You can have it.” Ly answers as your gaze meets a viscera-covered bone stuffed with brackish, black marrow. Pssh, wuss.

Uttering an excited ‘DOWN THE HATCH!’, you chug the marrow an-OHMYGODOHMYGOOODITTASTESLIKEROADKILLSLATHEREDINVOMITOHCHRIST

Immediately spitting the bone’s contents onto the floor, your digestive system lends a hand too by emptying your stomach’s contents onto a nearby bonsai tree! Your energy swiftly fading, you curl up in the fetal position next to the now-soiled plant as you spit the remaining marrow from your mouth! Crap….

“I heard rumors of ye intellect, lass,” Mendoza remarks in a tone more surprised than mocking, “But this… This be downright twisted...”

You’re… You gurgle from the floor, you’re smart, okay? You’re a goddamn SUPERSTAR…

And in classic superstar fashion, you spend the next few minutes huddled next to a puddle of your own vomit clutching your aching stomach and crying. Hollywood’s missing a star, clearly.

“Hate ta’ drop dis’ on ya, cupcake,” Ly adds in a soft voice, “But uh… does dis’ mean we’re CANNIBALS now?”

No, you moan, still tasting marrow and puke in your mouth, you’re NOT! That doesn’t count, damn it!

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: HUMANITARIAN!

S...STOP IT!

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: NO!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5022595
You don’t want to get up off the floor, but the sea demon hell-bent on reducing the ship to toothpicks is one hell of a motivator! Wiping the residue off of your mouth and onto a nearby napkin, you take a few deep breaths before continuing your daring escape--you’re good, okay? You can still do this!

“Can ye now?” Mendoza chuckles as you reach the hole leading upwards towards the ballroom, “Ye best be gettin’ those eyes checked, lass--the ship be SINKIN’!”

Giving the skull a noogie, you frown--did he catch the stupid from Ly or something? Ships take forever to sink--you’ll be long gone before that happens!

“So sure, are ye?” He counters, glaring back at you! “The totem be destroyed--the demon be its own master now!”

https://youtu.be/Jzq6dp-iI0I
Hey… HEY! Cut that out!
https://youtu.be/gNHooTszyW4

AHEM... Like you were saying, you’ll deal with it, you snap as you start climbing toward where you last saw your pals! Besides, it’s taking its sweet time--it’s scary, sure, but it’s not like… a BOMB or something!

You, Mendoza, and Ly all go silent for a moment.

“Did… Did ye just feel a chill just now?”

Yea, actually--weird! Resuming your climb, your progress is hindered by several objects tumbling from above: a dining table… A silver platter… A skeleton pirate chugging a bottle of champagne… By the time you reach Mendoza’s VIP area, it’s clear that you missed quite a bit--the parts of the floor that weren’t torn apart by tentacles are littered with singed bones, scorch marks, and more than a few discarded weapons! Calling out to Sybil, then Andre, and finally Talbot, you find that your shouts fall on deaf ears--no one responds!

“Cripes…” Ly mutters as the room shakes and groans around you, “Did they already fly da’ coop?”

You respond with a frown--either that or Talbot got them KILLED doing something DUMB! Ever since he turned human, you swear…

“Oh come on, Stan,” Ly counters, “You-”

Your skeleton is cut off by the ballroom roof being torn off like gift wrapping! With another ear-piercing shriek, the sea demon makes it very clear to you that it’s not going to stop until the whole ship is toothpicks!

“Right,” Ly mutters, “If you were one of da’ others, where would YOU be right now?”

Good question!
>SYB WOULD PROBABLY HEAD TO THE BACK AND ESCAPE WITH MAGIC SOMEHOW!
>ANDRE WOULD PROBABLY GATHER HIS MEN AT THE FRONT AND HOP OFF!
>TALBOT WOULD DO SOMETHING IDIOTIC. YOU’LL PROBABLY HEAR HIM IF YOU LISTEN!
>>
>>5022596
>>TALBOT WOULD DO SOMETHING IDIOTIC. YOU’LL PROBABLY HEAR HIM IF YOU LISTEN!

Syb will find us, but human-Talbot's a dingus.
>>
>>5022596
>TALBOT WOULD DO SOMETHING IDIOTIC. YOU’LL PROBABLY HEAR HIM IF YOU LISTEN!
>>
>>5022596
>TALBOT WOULD DO SOMETHING IDIOTIC. YOU’LL PROBABLY HEAR HIM IF YOU LISTEN!
Syb can handle herself, Talbie is probably doing something to make the situation exponentially worse. Somehow.
>>
>>5022596
>ANDRE WOULD PROBABLY GATHER HIS MEN AT THE FRONT AND HOP OFF!
>>
>>5022606
>>5022610
>>5022621
>TALBOT!

>>5022628
>ANDRE!

Writing!
>>
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You rub your chin as you contemplate Ly’s question… It goes without saying that Syb will definitely track you down, especially when she needs something. You learned that the hard way that one time you ‘borrowed’ her shampoo…

“True…” Ly mutters under his breath. “What about Andre?”

You point an accusing finger at Mendoza’s skull--if this goofball has taught you anything, it’s that all these boneheads have to do is just jump ship--they’re probably walking back to shore as we speak! Which leaves…

“Yer DOOOOM!” Mendoza interrupts, cackling like a madman! “There be no refunds on this pleasure cruise, Parble--best enjoy what little time ye be havin’ left!”

...As you were saying, that just leaves that dingus, TALBOT! As for where he is, well-”

“Aye, lass, run to yer’ sweet’eart!” Mendoza jeers! “Best make yerself comfortable before the demon gobbles ye’ up like a-”

You only barely manage to stop yourself from punting the skull overboard--no, Stan, you need him, remember? Can’t proceed without another contrived info dump! Furthermore, you snarl as you glare daggers into Mendoza’s face, he’s not your sweeth… Your… Y’know, whatever he just said! You barely know the guy and what you do know is that he’s a pigheaded jerk!

“T’matters not who the lad be!” Mendoza replies with a smug grin, “Though he be a bold one indeed if he consorts wit’ the likes of YE!”

Oh that friggin’ DOES it! Ignoring the skull’s obnoxious laughter, you take your TACTICOOL CAP off and stuff Mendoza inside! Before he can protest, you don the hat once more and smirk at the pirate’s now heavily-muffled protests--yea, that’s what you thought!

“Focus, Stan!” Ly exclaims, bringing you back into the tentacley present! “T would never admit it, but he probably needs our help right now! We gotta find ‘em!”

You groan as you cross your arms impatiently. Fine! Cupping a hand to your ear, you stick your tongue out in concentration as you listen to the wind!

“Err,” Ly interrupts, “I was thinkin’ more ‘let’s go LOOK for him’...”

Why? The moron’s probably busy making this all worse… SOMEhow! If you listen hard enough you’re bound to track him down!

Ly responds with a sigh of disapproval. “Alright, Stan--you and I both know dat’ ain’t tru-”

”COME GET ME, YA OVERGROWN SEA URCHIN!

Hearing a familiar cocky voice followed by the sound of a laser blast, you plant your hands on your hips and wait for Ly to continue. He doesn’t.

“Well,” your skeleton mutters, “Let’s go find him, then.”

HAH!

>CONTD.
>>
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Following the taunts and lasers, you find yourself overlooking the remains of the POOL you saw earlier--its massive waterslide reduced to a shattered shell of its former self and all of the wet bars now just plain… Well… Wet.

”OVER HERE, DICK!”

A red-haired figure in a still-damp tracksuit stands defiantly by the poolside, one hand chucking lounge furniture at the mass of tentacles tearing the place apart, the other clinging to a vibrant-looking drink with one of those little umbrellas sticking out of it! He didn’t make YOU one?!

Still not noticing you, the janitor ducks and dodges between the tentacles like a dodgeball champ on speed, pausing only to fire a laser, toss a beach chair, or sip his drink. Ly lets out a low whistle.

“Gotta say: props to da’ guy for lastin’ dis’ long.”

You frown--what’s the big deal? YOU’VE done crap like that loads of times and Ly’s never commented on it!

“... Usually I’m too busy recoverin’ from da’ near-death experience, kiddo.” Ly explains, earning a shrug from you! Yea, yea… You could do what T’s doing… If you FELT like it!

Mid-sip, Talbot is blindsided by another tentacle crashing through some kind of spa adjacent to the pool and tumbles across the deck into a hot tub! Rising with a groan, the janitor moves to take another swig, but alas--the contents of his beverage lay strewn about the poolside! That’s rough, man!

Charging back into battle with newfound resolve, Talbot continues chucking furniture at the beast while you and Ly watch with interest! Well… You don’t, of course, but LY is! Interested, that is!

“So are we just gonna let him kill himself, or are we gonna help somehow?” You frown--he’s been quite the handful since you uh… ’Rehuman’d’ him, but you’d be lying if you said you’d be fine if he died… He’s not BORIS-levels of shitty, anyways… Plus he was kinda sweet to you when he was a twelve-foot tall murder machine... Err, after you un-brainwashed him, that is.

“We helpin’ him or not, cupcake?” Ly asks impatiently!

>YES! SHOUT FOR HIM TO COME TO YOU!
>YES! MAKE YOUR WAY DOWN AND ASSIST HIM!
>YES! SUPPORT HIM FROM UP ABOVE!
>NO! HE’S GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL, PROBABLY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5022711
>>YES! SUPPORT HIM FROM UP ABOVE!
>>
>>5022711
>YES! SUPPORT HIM FROM UP ABOVE!
Petition for us to locate a bottle of rum
>>
>>5022711
>YES! SUPPORT HIM FROM UP ABOVE!
>>
>>5022711
>>YES! SUPPORT HIM FROM UP ABOVE!
>>
>>5022732
>>5022738
>>5022749
>>5022760
>SUPPORT FROM ABOVE!

Take aim, folks--ROLL 1d100 TO ASSIST! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Moreover, don't forget to include what you wanna use: RIFLE, ROCKET LAUNCHER, LASER EYE, REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK, SOMETHING ELSE IN THE PASTEBIN... The world is your oyster provided you roll well!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5022817
REMOTE CONTROL DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5022817
DUCK
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5022817
>>
>>5022820
>>5022834
>>5022850
>HIGHEST ROLL: 85!

Looks like we're gonna duck this demon up! Writing!

>>5022738
Ask and you MIGHT receive, anon...
>>
>>5022859
Do Sea Legs give us any BONE-uses to walking while absolutely wasted? Thats kinda like walking on the deck of a moving boat.
>>
>>5022860
Your SEA LEGS don't, but those FENCER'S FEMURS do! No more stumbling for you, Stan!
>>
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Well, you grumble, you won’t be helping him--the klutz will probably trip all over you in his stupid new body and blame YOU for it!

“Do ya really think now’s da’ time for another petty squabble, Stan?” Ly asks, pointing to Talbot as a tentacle wraps around his legs and starts using him as a hammer. Hey, you didn’t say you wouldn’t help!

“... Ya did, actually.” Ly groans impatiently. “Ya’ literally JUST di-”

Slow down and read a little closer, bonehead--the ‘you’ was italicized! That implies that someone else will!

Ly pauses as if deciding on whether or not to punch you. “I’m impressed dat’ ya’ can even pronounce dat’, kiddo! In dat’ case, who WILL help him?”

As the tentacles start passing Talbot around like a softball, you whip out your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK! Let’s hear some applause, kids!

When Ly fails to clap, you shrug and place your fighter ace on the floor. Booting up the REMOTE CONTROL, you blanch a bit as a LOW BATTERY warning illuminates your face--friggin’ Chinese knockoffs!

“It says dis’ was made in California, cupc-”

No time to spit hairs--you’ve got a damsel to save! Or uh… Look, he gets the picture. Taking position on a railing overlooking the ‘fight’ below, you prepare DUCK DARING for takeoff! With a triumphant and drawn-out ‘QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK,’ you monitor the duck’s progress from the remote control’s monitor. One more mission, bud, you whisper into the viewport, drinks will be on YOU!

Despite running low on juice, the duck doesn’t waste time getting into the air! Circling for a bombing run, a smile forms on your face as the fearless fowl approaches the tentacles holding your fellow janitor!

https://youtu.be/o5ZBu3nHJkM
Can’t let you do that, chumbreath!

Hearing the duck call blocking out the demon’s shrieks and the ship’s destruction, Talbot stops punching the tentacle holding him for a second to find its source!

“... Stan?”

You honk a few more times and wave from your vantage point--who did he expect? BORIS?

The confusion on Talbot’s face swiftly changes to dismay! “Oh god DAMN it…”

SEE, LY?! You shout, smacking your finger on the controller’s viewport! You KNEW he was gonna react that way!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5022935
Approaching Talbot as fast as a REMOTE-CONTROLLED duck with a dying battery can, your antics attract the attention of the SEA DEMON as well! Clearly incensed by the duck’s incessant honking, the tentacles that aren’t busy pulverizing Talbot shift their attention towards swatting the offender out of the sky!

Threading the needle between the sucker-lined appendages, you respond to their aggression with some of your own--mashing the RED BUTTON with a menacing grin, you can’t help but giggle when the duck’s eyes flash with a blinding light! Like a spotlight in the darkness, your attacks light up the stormy night sky with a series of flashes, each one causing the tentacles to recoil!

“Huh!” Ly remarks as you keep on the offensive, “Looks like they ain’t a fan of light!”

Granted, you wouldn’t be too happy either if someone shined a bright light in your face and made duck noises, but you have to agree that these tentacles are being absolute DIVAS about it! Keeping up the pressure, you manage to distract and disorient the appendages long enough for Talbot to wriggle free and drop safely into the pool below!

CRUNCH!

Wow, he totally missed that safe pool and totally hit the deck instead! Good thing that was the wood making that sound! Stumbling to his feet, Talbot picks the wood chips from his collar and adjusts his hair before leaping over to you!

“STAN!” He shouts in your ear as you continue badgering the tentacles! The correct words were ‘THANK YOU’, actually, but-

“What the HELL are you still doing here?!” He continues, shaking your shoulders angrily! Easy there, dick, you’re gonna break the duck! And to answer his question, you growl, you were SAVING his stupid hide!

“That’s what I was doing!” He growls, his gaze shifting between you and the cool moves you have the duck doing. Is he insane?! He was just getting his butt kicked!

“I was DISTRACTING it!” He groans with a facepalm! “You and the others were supposed to slip away!”

An okay plan, you shrug, but he forgot one vital thing: how the heck was HE gonna escape, hm?!

“Are you KIDDING me?!” He asks in an increasingly incredulous voice! “I can just hop off and walk back, duh! Did you forget that I… That I was…”

His voice loses its confidence as you bring the duck in for a landing. Well?

“I uh…” He mutters, feverishly adjusting his bowtie, “I have that body that… It’s really heavy and uh… I don’t need to erm…”

Breathe?

“Yea, breathe…” He mutters, averting his gaze as best as he can. “... Look, the spirit of the plan was so-”

Packing the duck up, you march into his line of sight and glare into his eyes--does he wanna hit the road or what? Staring at you sheepishly, the janitor finally nods.

“Y-Yea… I GUESS…

GREAT!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5022946
Peering over the railing at the pool area, you can’t help but frown--if there were any lifeboats here before, you can’t see ‘em now…

“Musta’ gotten smashed when El Diablo over there showed up.” Talbot remarks. “Weren’t you going to grab the totem, or whatever?”

You shrug--it’s a long story. Here’s the next chapter, though: you’ve gotta find a way off of this thing and FAST.

“Yea,” Talbot nods with a wary look in his eyes, “I don’t know why, but I’ve got a feeling that something bad’s gonna happen…”

Seeing you stare pointedly at the writhing mass of demonic tentacles tearing the ship apart like a dog would a chew toy, Talbot amends his statement: “I mean ANOTHER bad thing! Sheesh!”

Scanning the area, you search in vain for Syb, but find nothing--where’d she run off to, anyways?

“She went to find you.” Talbot replies with a shrug. “I took care of the pirates with a little help from Andre’s guys, so she went after you!”

You frown--that’s no good--where the heck is she now, then? Before you can contemplate it further, the air is filled with the sound of creaking and groaning metal! Knocked off-course by a still-dazed tentacle, an open section of the massive water slide swings to the side--its endpoint jutting off the side of the ship! Pointing it out to Talbot, the janitor gently grabs you by the wrist and pulls you towards the railing!

“What are we waiting for? That’s our ticket off of this thing!”

You hesitate a bit--he’s not wrong--you’ve gone off enough homemade waterslides in your life to know that with enough momentum, this thing will launch you all the way to Vancouver--the question is, will Sybil make it?

“She can handle some tentacles, right?” Talbot asks, his voice growing increasingly impatient! “We need to go before it moves again, Stan!”

The logic is sound, yea, but then why is this still such a tough choice? Whatever you choose, you’d better decide now…

>TAKE THE SLIDE NOW!
>WAIT A LITTLE LONGER AND TRY TO SIGNAL SYB!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5022950
>>TAKE THE SLIDE NOW!
>>
>>5022950
>WAIT A LITTLE LONGER AND TRY TO SIGNAL SYB!
While I'm sure that Sybil can *cough cough* "handle" some tentacles. Let's try and make unlike the fisherman's wife and get her the fuck outta this place.
>>
>>5022950
>WAIT A LITTLE LONGER AND TRY TO SIGNAL SYB!
>>
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>>5022961
>SLIDE ON OUTTA HERE!

>>5022973
>>5022975
>WAIT FOR SYB!

Writing!

>>5022973
"Wh-what on EARTH do you mean by that, anon?!"
>>
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Gently detaching Talbot’s grip from your wrist, you shake your head--you don’t care if you have to fight the whole way back to shore, you’re NOT leaving without Sybil! Opening his mouth to protest, Talbot pauses, then sighs.

“... Yea, I don’t really wanna leave yet either… Promised Artie I’d look after her too, so…” Punctuating his sentence with a vague shrug, the janitor peers down at the pool from the railing.

“So where the heck is that pale creep anyways? D’ya think she has, like, a TELEPORT HOME spell or somethin’?”

You shake your head--you’re not sure, but she’s gotta be around here somewhere! Snapping your fingers a few times, Ly pops into his ASTRAL FORM with a look of determination on his ghostly face!

“Don’t worry, Stan--I’ll track her down!” Diving through the floor, Ly leaves you and Talbot standing around with nothing to do! Shuffling his feet, Talbot looks at you expectantly.

“So uh… Did… Did you get the captain?”

You manage a small grin as you pop open your hat a bit.

”DAMNED GIRL! I MAY BE BESTED, BUT I BE A PIRATE, NOT BLASTED HEADWEAR! LET’S SETTLE THIS HERE AN’ NOW--I’LL GNAW YER FEET OFF-”

“Well,” Talbot remarks as you pull your hat back down, “Not uh… Not bad, I guess!” Oh good, his bravado’s back. “I guess once we get outta’ here then it’s ‘Mission Complete’, huh?”

Yea, you grin, pretty much!

“Good, cuz-”

Before Talbot can continue, Ly shoots back up through the floor with his trademark ‘worried face’ on!

“She’s.. She’s down there!” He huffs, pointing to the floor below you! “Tired as all Hell from da’ looks of it--can’t… Can’t BLINK up here!”

Relaying the info to Talbot, the janitor doesn’t waste any time--pummeling the floor with GOODBOYNIUM-COVERED FISTS, he makes quick work of the ceiling revealing a Goth girl who’s clearly ready to turn in for the night! Glancing up at you with a weak ‘Stan?’ she reaches towards you and Talbot clearly asking to be helped up!

“I’ll grab her!” Talbot barks, leaping down before you can argue! “It’s easier if I just carry her!” Watching your bodyguard lift Syb into a princess-carry, you feel as if something’s… Off… Like you’re late for something.

ROLL 1d10 FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON--I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 1 ROLL!
>>
Rolled 9 (1d10)

>>5023085
>>
Rolled 7 (1d10)

>>5023085

ROLLING ANYWAYS
>>
>>5023087
>ROLL: 9!

Wowzers! Writing!
>>
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No doubt feeling something similar, your fellow janitor wastes no time in hopping back onto the roof with Syb in tow before giving you a nod!

“Alright, Stan--let’s make like a baby and HEAD OUT!

Ew. Shaking off what he just said, you lead the charge towards the cracked-open slide--it’s not exactly an easy jump, but you don’t have time to worry about that now! Hearing your footsteps, the demon’s tentacles come crashing down around you, tearing through the roof like a dog eating a bean burrito!

“Here goes something!” Talbot groans as he follows you over the railing! Free falling for a few seconds, the three of you land with a dull ‘THUNK’ onto the slide’s plastic and are immediately swept downward by the holes leaking water into the tube!

“Hold onta’ yer’ hat!” Ly warns, prompting you to do just that! Mendoza ain’t getting away THAT easy! Just when you reach the final slope, you feel a sudden change in air pressure--almost as if something was about to-

https://youtu.be/ueBlmU2Ilr0?t=1

You think you hit the ramp and flew to safety, but once you hear the explosion, everything goes dark:

Eyes…

Ears…

Mouth…

… And everything else.

When you come to, you find yourself in a place quite familiar to you… You know the one.

Goodbye reality…
Hello DREAM WORLD.


Where do you find yourself today? WRITE-IN details or leave blank for a random choice!
>A MEMORY!
>A GOOD DREAM!
>A NIGHTMARE!
>Somewhere or something else (WRITE-IN)!
>NOWHERE! YOU JUST WAKE UP, DAMN IT!
>>
>>5023130
>>A MEMORY!
>>
Gonna call it here for tonight, folks--should be back SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, though! Great rolling, by the way--totally trounced a bunch of plans. Hope to see you next time!
>>
>>5023130
>A MEMORY!
You cunning fiend! You led us into a dream sequence! When will we learn to avoid these cunning ruses!
>>
>>5023185
Just wait until the big reveal where this whole quest was one big dream sequence--Stan's still asleep in the Security Room at Good Boy Doggie Bones.

Still heading to bed, but remember: don't forget to include details if you want a specific dream/memory in particular--otherwise you'll have to deal with whatever I come up with! OoooOOOOooH SpoOooOoOOoky!
>>
>>5023130
>A MEMORY!
How about Stan and Syb meeting?
>>
>>5023289

Wait. We got that meeting explained in thread 3 in full detail.

Susan’s a wad but let’s see some more loren with him.
>>
>>5023295

*lore
>>
>>5023185
>>5023289
>>5023137
>A MEMORY!

>>5023295
This anon's correct--there was mention of how Stan and Syb met before. While I'd be happy to walk down that memory lane, I know you guys might not wanna retread old ground and I don't see a lot of votes for or against it, so we're gonna run with something else...

Sounds like we're looking for something else with Sue, Stan's brother? You got it! Writing!
>>
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When you regain your vision, you find yourself staring down the neck of a half-finished BEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS ale cradled loosely above a stained hamburger wrapper sitting in your lap.

“How was it?”

The familiar voice rouses you further--blinking the haze from your mind, you find yourself sitting in the passenger’s seat of a familiar TOYOTOMI COPPOLA. The warm smell of fries and fast food fogs up the inside of the windshield while the outside is pummeled by a rare sight in CLEARWATER: raindrops the size of chicken nuggets!

“Stan?”

Right, the voice. Taking a handful of fries from the box sitting next to the gear stick and dipping them into the blob of Thousand Island dressing next to them, you answer the voice between chews--yrsh?

Your brother lets out a long sigh as he drums his fingers on the steering wheel. Running his other hand through his hair for what has to be the fifteenth time tonight, he looks at you with a face that communicates… Unease.

You don’t like it.

BURGERBOY’S losing it, huh?” He asks, glancing at the wrapper in your lap. You shrug--could be worse. You heard that in a few years it’s just gonna be veggie burgers and like… Bugs or something.

“Let me guess:” Sue says with a forced smile, “you heard that from Uncle Dino.”

Your eyes widen. How the hell does he DO that? He’s like a psycho or something!

Psychic.” He corrects you in a soft voice. Grunting a response, you grab another fry and munch it in one bite. So, you begin as you wipe the salt from your hands, what are we gonna do tonight? Feels like forever since THE DARK ONE let him hang out!

Sue gives you a weary look. “Her name’s Heather, Stan. If you start calling her by her name she might just start to seem human to you.”

You snort. Fat chance of that! Going for some more fries, your hand is deftly blocked by Sue’s. Hey!

“Gotta be quicker than that.” He says with a wry grin that quickly fades. “Listen, Stan: I actually didn’t come out here to hang out.” The reveal plasters a frown on your face--what exactly DID he drag you out here for, then?

“It’s…” He hesitates, “... Actually, it’s about Heather.”

You nearly drop your fries. Is it happening?! It’s HAPPENING!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5023809
Barely containing your excitement, you stuff your feelings back down into your chest and clear your throat--erm… What about her?

“Well,” Sue begins, voice tinged with an unusual timbre, “I haven’t told anyone else this yet, but…” Your brother pauses, leaving the car interior silent save for the raindrops hammering the windshield. Tossing your wrapper into the food bag at your feet, you motion for him to move on--can he hurry this up? You only get so much free time nowadays what with work and Syb’s podcast crap!

“Right. Yea.” Sue nods as he takes a deep breath. Not good enough. Is he okay? You haven’t seen him like this since he uh… Since he broke up with whatshername.

“It’s not that.” Sue counters, no doubt hearing your enthusiasm in the words broke and up. “It’s… Well,”

You feel a lump forming in your chest. What IS IT?

“... I proposed to Heather the other night. She said yes.”

Synapses go off like fireworks. Error warnings all across the grid. You’re supposed to be happy for him, right? But this is HEATHER we’re talking about--ART BITCH! But he’s your brother and… But…

“There’s more.” He adds, clearly not concerned by you being in mental freefall. “Her friend does art shows at her gallery--a lot. She thinks she can get Heather a show or two and… You know, kickstart things for her. So we’re gonna have to move.”

More errors. More fireworks. Move? Art shows? Art Bitch? Galleries!? Still spinning inside your head, you manage to form a few letters into a word: “Where?

VERMONT.” Sue replies, as if it was down the friggin’ BLOCK! VERMONT?! Isn’t that like, in CANADA or something?!

“It’s not close...” He replies with the voice of someone who’s clear on how far it is. “We’re probably going to have the wedding here, but her parents are giving us one of their Summer homes. It’s next to a lake--I think you’d like it.”

You’re not really sure what you’d think--not now, nor when he leaves.

“So uh,” Sue continues, voice creeping into an almost pleading tone, “What do… What do you think?”

What DO you think?
>TELL HIM IT SOUNDS GREAT! BE STRONG FOR BRO!
>TELL HIM IT SUCKS--IS THIS A JOKE?!
>SAY NOTHING. HE’S SMART--HE CAN PIECE THINGS TOGETHER.
>ABSCOND FROM THE CAR! RUN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5023810

>TELL HIM IT SOUNDS GREAT! BE STRONG FOR BRO!
>>
>>5023810
>TELL HIM IT SOUNDS GREAT! BE STRONG FOR BRO!
>>
>>5023810
>SAY NOTHING. HE’S SMART--HE CAN PIECE THINGS TOGETHER.
Now that Sue is topical again, can I say that I dislike how the "fugue states" recontextualize the early view we had of Sue's wedding? I thought Stan was in denial and ignorant of Sue's feelings because she's an immature idiot but now she's kind of excused.
>>
>>5023873
Understandable! I don't wanna give away too much, but I will say that the two aren't entirely mutually exclusive--Stan's still got plenty of immaturity and idiocy lyin' around!

>>5023818
>>5023869
>SOUNDS GREAT!

>>5023873
>SAY NOTHING!

Writing!
>>
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You take a few moments to systematically shove all of those pesky emotions deep into your stomach--that’s right, burn! Burn with all of those delicious fries!

“Stan?” Sue repeats, bringing you back to reality! Oh, right! Clearing your throat and putting on the best smile you can fabricate, you give your brother a few stiff pats on the shoulder--what do you think? Why, you think it sounds GREAT! Absolutely fantastic! Marvelous, even!

“You don’t have to lie, Stan…” Sue replies, trading some nervousness for classic stoicism. “... But I appreciate you making the effort--it’s not an easy choice for me either.”

Yes it is, you fire back almost too quickly! He can just tell her that you’ve got too much stuff going on here: Mom! Dad! That dojo he was gonna start up! Counting the ideas on your greasy fingers, you look at him with a crooked, shaky smile--s-see!? That’s already three reasons! This is easy!

“You forgot to count yourself, dork.” Sue adds with a slight grin. D-did you?! Well, you know, it’s good that he said it…

“Stan, stop.” Sue interrupts, his voice taking a more serious tone. “This isn’t a goodbye, okay? It’s just…” He pauses to search for the right words, “It’s just set-up, okay? For a better future.”

You frown--sure doesn’t sound better! How the hell are you supposed to hang out with him now? You’re not gonna hitch-hike to Vermont every time you want to watch movies together--those freaks roaming the interstate roads will tear a girl like you APART!

“Well,” Sue continues, “Maybe it’s time to make new friends, Stan… Broaden your horizons a little.” You blink at him as if he had just spoken Martian to you. Is he out of his MIND?! You don’t have time for that anymore with your job, and you don’t want to either! Everyone in CLEARWATER SUCKS!

Everyone?

Well YEA, you groan! Syb and Gus are cool, sure, but what’s gonna happen when THEY find ART BITCHES and move!? You’re gonna be all alone!

“Stan…”

You’re gonna be like those old people who feed CHEEZ-O’s to the seagulls on the beach all day! You’re gonna spend the rest of your days skulking around a friggin’ BONE FACTORY because everyone else left you to fend for yourself! You’r-

Your rant is cut off by a swift, albeit gentle, flick to the forehead. Clutching the impact point with a whined ‘owww’, you glare at your brother through blurry vision--what the hell, Sue!?

“Please don’t cry, Stan…” He mutters, “I get what you’re saying, but… But it’ll all get better.” Your brother opens his arms inviting you in for a hug. “Trust me.”

What do?
>HUG HIM.
>JUST SIT THERE. GODDAMN IT…
>LEAVE THE CAR--YOU WANNA BUY SOME MORE FRIES OR SOMETHING.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>5023913
>>LEAVE THE CAR--YOU WANNA BUY SOME MORE FRIES OR SOMETHING.
Art bitches... that's some funny foreshadowing.
>>
>>5023913
>HUG HIM.
The Art Hoes have him, he is gone to us forever.
>>
>>5023913
>>HUG HIM.
>>
>>5023918
'ART' I a clever one? :^)

>>5023918
>LEAVE!

>>5023923
>>5023928
>HUG IT OUT, BITCH!

Writing!
>>
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Hastily wiping away the uh… The FAST FOOD GREASE from your eyes… Yea, that’s what it is… You lean over as much as the car allows and bury your face in your bro’s chest as he wraps you in a warm embrace.

“I know, Stan… I know…” He whispers, gently patting you on the back. “We’ll make time for each other, right?”

You don’t respond. That’s just a spin on saying that he won’t be able to see you a lot! You’re not THAT dumb!

“No one’s leaving anyone.” Sue adds as the rain intensifies outside. “Once we get all set up you can come visit… It’ll get better…”

You wanna say that he’s full of crap. You wanna say that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You wanna beg him to not make the biggest mistake of his life and leave you in this shithole of a town. You wanna tell him how great of a brother he is--not in your usual way, but in, well… A normal way... You want to say everything on your mind, even the things that aren’t as nice, but you hold it all in.

You can’t tell him now, but you’ll find an appropriate time. Eventually.

Gripping him tighter, you savor that hug like a fine whiskey--every last drop.

“Hey…”

Nope, you’re still hanging on. You know it’s a dream, but you’re still hanging on.

“Hey.”

Everything else feels so damn cold...

“HE
Y!”

… And so… green…

Oh NO…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5024006
https://youtu.be/jt3zmsVAakQ
”Well well well,” purrs an all-too-familiar voice, “You’re becoming quite difficult to get a hold of, kitten…”

Releasing your hold on, well, whatever you’ve been hugging, you find yourself propped against a GREEN DESK engraved with symbols from what you can only assume was a long, long time ago. Wiping the tea-err, SLEEP from your eyes, you look up and find your on-and-off Fairy GodEmployer leering at you from over the desk!

“Pull yourself together and back into your seat, monkey--our schedule is full-up today.” Feeling something tap your shoulder, you whip around to see your chair waiting behind you almost impatiently. Regaining your composure, you climb into your seat as the figure reclining in the GREEN OFFICE CHAIR behind the desk takes a lazy drag from a HOOKAH HOSE sticking out of one of the desk’s many drawers.

“Cracker-jack performance aside, kitten,” The fairy begins, fluttering her wings a bit, “this business of ours runs on precision, mind, not IMPROVISATION.”

All you can do is blink in response. What’s she talking about, again? The fairy chews on the end of the hookah hose.

“The CORAL, love--we trust that our message was clear?”

The missing puzzle piece in your head falls into place. Riiiight, you say with a snap of your fingers! You were supposed to BURN the coral, right?”

“My, my, the monkey remembers.” The fairy laughs. “Yes, those WERE our instructions, weren’t they?” Putting her hookah away, the fairy glares at you through steepled fingers. “Imagine our surprise when we learned that the whole mermaid city was buried beneath rubble.”

You feel a lump form in your throat as your employer’s pupils narrow like a cat’s. Oh man, how do you even respond to this!?

>APOLOGIZE! A LOT!
>STAND BY YOUR ACTIONS! HELL, YOU’D DO IT AGAIN!
>FEIGN IGNORANCE!
>BLAME IT ON SOMEONE ELSE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5024011
>STAND BY YOUR ACTIONS! HELL, YOU’D DO IT AGAIN!
Apologizing won't unshit your pants. Or rebuild a city, for that matter.
(Katz's theme reminds me of: https://youtu.be/3a3NY3P5eBU)
>>
>>5024011
>STAND BY YOUR ACTIONS! HELL, YOU’D DO IT AGAIN!
Huh, last I checked we had our own goals and weren't beholden to doing whatever the fuck she asked us too.
>>
>>5024011
>>FEIGN IGNORANCE!
Well, it seemed just as good at the time.
>>
>>5024011
>STAND BY YOUR ACTIONS! HELL, YOU’D DO IT AGAIN!
>>
>>5024015
Ooh, I forgot about that game--yea, good shit! It was tricky picking out a good 'fairy theme'!

>>5024015
>>5024016
>>5024052
>STAND BY YOUR DECISION!

>>5024017
>FEIGN IGNORANCE!

WRITING!
>>
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You sit up in your chair and match her glare with one of your own--yea, you buried that hellhole and you’d do it again, damn it! Do they even know how WEIRD those mermaids are!? You were doing everyone a favor!

“Yes, well-”

You weren’t DONE, you shout, slamming a fist on your GREEN CHAIR’S GREEN ARMREST! Apologizing won’t unshit anyone’s pants, OR rebuild a city for that matter, so guess what you aren’t about to do? APOLOGIZE!

The fairy opens her mouth once more, but you cut her off--most importantly, you say, still riding whatever train you’re on, last time you checked you had your OWN crap to take care of! She’s been pretty helpful and all, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything she says!

Catching your breath, you sink back into your chair as you feel the GREEN around you fade into a darker shade. A sharp breeze blows through the ‘office’ as your employer stares you down.

“... As we were saying,” She says in a tone that sounds anything but pleased, “we may not have asked you to slaughter an entire mermaid settlement, but when we heard what had happened, well…”

The wind grows louder.

“Did you… Did you even stop to CONSIDER what you had done?”

You feel your chair tremble underneath you as the fairy’s eyes glow in the increasingly dim light!

“Do you understand the ramifications of your actions? All of the pain and misery you’ve caused?”

The office fills with a loud scraping noise--looking at your employer’s desk, you see her nails digging divots into the surface!

“All of those mermaids are DEAD by YOUR HANDS!” She roars! “What, exactly, were you THINKING?”

What WERE you thinking, exactly?
>SEEMED LIKE AN EASIER SOLUTION, HONESTLY.
>YOU DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO THINK!
>IT WAS FRIGGIN’ TALBOT!
>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5024091
>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!
>>
>>5024091
>>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!
>>
>>5024091
>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!
>>
>>5024011
>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOR!
>>
BASTARD MERMAIDS DESERVED IT
AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>>
>>5024094
>>5024134
>>5024139
>>5024151
>I DID EVERYONE A FAVOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRR

Official theme: https://youtu.be/R3_MhrAVQTA

Writing!
>>
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Shrugging off the change in atmosphere, you plant your feet on the GREEN CARPET and double-down! What were you THINKING?! You were thinking that you were doing everyone a FAVOR, you snap! When those freaks weren’t busy feeding people to their freakish mom, they were nibbling on each other! They also totally scammed you at their casino, too!

The fairy’s eyes glow even greener as she grits her sharp teeth together. “And you believe this… EXCUSES you?”

You gulp, then nod. You’re goddamn right it does--if you ever see another one of those shell-bra-wearing creeps again, it’ll be TOO SOON!

Your employer silently stares at you for a while longer as if deciding on how to COOK you. Drumming her long, GREEN NAILS on the desk a few times, a strange sound escapes from the corner of her mouth.

Followed by another.

And another.

And suddenly those sounds evolve into raucous, bitter laughter!

“Kitten, you really ARE something else!” Slapping her palm on the desk as GREEN TEARS rush from her eyes, the fairy takes a few puffs from her hookah to calm herself down.

“We…” She wheezes, coughing up plumes of GREEN SMOKE, “We knew you were the right one for the job…”

You raise an eyebrow as she continues to puff. Wait, she’s not mad?

“MAD?!” She howls, starting up another round of mad cackling, “We couldn’t be HAPPIER, kitten!” Steadying herself against the desk, the fairy takes a few deep breaths before continuing in a more measured tone. “You… You not only DESTROYED their greatest treasure… You even SLAUGHTERED them all and laid waste to their home!”

The fairy’s wings flutter a bit as she pauses with a wistful look on her pale face. “That, kitten, was not a job well done, no…” She explains, taking another hearty puff from the hose, “That was POETRY.”

With a contented grin on her face, your employer looks at you with a mix of pride, approval, and maybe even a hint of… Interest?

“The only good mermaid is a dead one as far as we’re concerned. Good work across the board.” Reaching into one of the many drawers behind her desk, the fairy raises an eyebrow your way. “Which leads us to our next item on the agenda… Unless you wish to discuss your fee first…”

Errr, what? There was never another item on the ‘agenda’ before… But on the other hand you DO have stuff to do…

>WHAT’S THIS ITEM ON THE AGENDA?
>WAIT--GOT SOME QUESTIONS!
>HOLD UP--WANNA TALK ABOUT OUR UH… BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP!
>LET’S TALK PAYMENT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5024181
>HOLD UP--WANNA TALK ABOUT OUR UH… BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP!
Just hopped in, this looks fun. Is this lady part of a board of fairies or something? Are we about to be employed/shanghai'd into something fun? If so...
>WHAT’S THIS ITEM ON THE AGENDA?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlWlP0awVVo
>>
>>5024181
>>LET’S TALK PAYMENT!
>>
>>5024181
>>WHAT’S THIS ITEM ON THE AGENDA?
>HOLD UP--WANNA TALK ABOUT OUR UH… BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP!
>>
>>5024181
>HOLD UP--WANNA TALK ABOUT OUR UH… BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP!
She seems a little too eager to start demanding our services, we gotta make sure we have our own freedom here as well.
>>5024186
So far we don't know much about her, besides the fact that she gives us some sick power ups when we do some slightly shady side missions. We kinda know we are being played a little bit here, but hopefully we can play her against the others and come out on top.
>>
>>5024186
Hey, welcome and thanks for giving BONES QUEST a try! It's certainly not the best quest around, but it's certainly a quest!

>>5024192
This anon's got the gist of it, basically--you met this fine lady ever since you drank a whole bottle of Absinthe and the jury's still out as to whether or not she's real--she HAS been giving you sweet powers in return for doing some shady stuff, though, so you can't argue with the results.

Here's the archive link if you wanna catch up at all: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Bones%20quest

otherwise just stick around--happy to see another reader!

>>5024186
>>5024191
>AGENDA AND BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

>>5024188
>PAYMENT!

>>5024192
>BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP!

Looks like we're discussing this whole thing we've got going on--who knows, maybe the other topics will worm their way in there too!

Writing!
>>
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First thing’s first, you begin as you straighten your posture a bit, you wanna talk about this whole uh… BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP.

“Grand…” The fairy mutters, clearly not sharing your enthusiasm. “The monkey’s forgotten already, has she? We’ll be very clear this time then, so pay attention if you please:”

Clearing her throat, the woman reclining behind the desk puts on her SERIOUS FACE before continuing.

“You requested information from us--we delivered. The value of said information is paltry, to say the least, but the fact remains that you owe us recompense--the details of which will, as we have stated ad nauseum, will be discussed at a later date.”

See, that’s the issue, you fire back! You don’t have forever to wait for her… They… Whoever They Are, to come up with something!

“Ah yes, human lives are SO short…” She replies in a pretty lazy attempt at sympathy. “Well lucky for you, kitten, we’ve come to a consensus on that front. Among other things, to boot.”

Your protests swiftly die in your throat. Wait, wha?

“Knew that would strike your fancy.” The fairy giggles with a wink. “The fact of the matter is, kit-no, STANLEY… Is that you’ve shown considerable promise and drive in your freelance work… So much so, in fact, that we have opted to expedite our onboarding process in recognition of your exemplary work for our organization.”

Blinking in surprise, you almost fail to notice a GREEN GLASS with GREEN LIQUID in your hand… Was that there before?

“We recognize your desire to cut ties with the erm… FIRM,” The fairy continues, tripping over that last word, “but before that we’d like to extend to you a formal invitation for a more PERMANENT position here.”

A sound akin to a gopher being strangled escapes your throat as you struggle to process what’s been said! You-

“No rush, mind--like we mentioned earlier we are absolutely SWAMPED with appointments today, but fret not--we’ll come to collect you when we’re ready to discuss, well… Your future!”

Raising her own glass with a warm smile, your employer reaches across the table and clinks your glass. “What are you waiting for? It’s not going to grow wings!”

Peering into the frothing liquid in your glass, you’re not so sure…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5024306
”Uncertainty. Tiresome, but not entirely unexpected.” The fairy sighs before placing her glass back down on the desk. “We can’t get into the SPECIFICS of the position, mind, but rest-assured you’ve proven MORE than qualified for the job.”

You tap your fingers against your drinking glass. So it’d be more MISCHIEF, then? Burning coral and stealing crap? Your prospective new boss shrugs her bare shoulders. “If you insist on putting it that bluntly, then yes--business is ALWAYS booming. It goes without saying that our influence reaches quite far… Enough so that travel is a necessity--humans enjoy seeing new places, don’t they?

You light up at that--you always wanted to visit Italy! You love-a da’ pizza pie!

“... Yes, well,” The fairy continues, deftly sidestepping your comment, “Rest assured that with this position comes several amenities--naturally the essentials will be covered: food, shelter, hydration, along with a few OTHER perks as well…” She explains, running her hand through her hair with a coquettish wink. Did… Did it just get hotter in here?

“No, that’s just a natural reaction to hearing a once-in-a-lifetime deal!” The fairy laughs as she swishes around her beverage a bit. “What else was there? Ah, right--it’s a permanent position, so naturally you won’t have to fret over job security--in fact, not ONE of our human associates has ever resigned! If that isn’t satisfaction, we don’t know what is!”

You frown--what about a 40K or whatever? Do they give those?

“Of course,” your sorta-employer replies with a smug grin! “And you can roll into any existing IRA you already have--and while we’re on the subject we might as well tell you about our matching funds program: 4% rain or shine!”

You bite your lip as you crunch those numbers in your head… Yep, that’s gotta be around 44--not bad!

“To put it lightly, yes.” The fairy nods as she rests her feet on the desk. “Though it’s a reeeaaal shame you’re thinking of leaving all this behind…”

Yea, well, you mutter, fidgeting in your seat, about that…
>YOU STILL WANT OUT! PERMANENTLY!
>YOU UH… YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THAT PERMANENT POSITION, ACTUALLY…
>YOU NEED MORE INFO FIRST (ABOUT WHAT? WRITE-IN!)
>CAN YOU GET BACK TO HER ABOUT IT?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5024309
>YOU UH… YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THAT PERMANENT POSITION, ACTUALLY…
>>
>>5024309
>YOU NEED MORE INFO FIRST
>ANY BENEFITS FOR FAMILY AND FRIE-ASSOCIATES?
>>
>>5024306
>>YOU NEED MORE INFO FIRST

>>5024342

who the heck wants to be this woman's bitch? We're STANLEY PARBLE, and we answer to NO ONE. NO ONE.
>>
>>5024342
>SIGN ME UP!

>>5024353
>>5024355
>MORE INFO FIRST! (+what about our CRONIES?)

Writing the last update of the evening!
>>
>>5024309
>YOU STILL WANT OUT! PERMANENTLY!
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Also, Syb warned us not to deal with fairies, didn't she?
>>
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Sifting through all the details the fairy just forcibly shoved into your brain, you find it harder and harder to just outright refuse…

“Still not hooked, ey?” your potential full-time employer asks with a wry grin. “We certainly hope your… Associates… Haven’t been poisoning the idea of working for us…”

You shrug, sending a few drops of your beverage onto the GREEN RUG. Luckily it was green, so it doesn’t show! Anyways, your friends are cool, you GUESS--Ly or Syb probably would have reeled you back in by now…

“More’s the shame.” Shrugs the fairy as she takes another hookah puff. Say, that gives you an idea!

“Absolutely not.” The fairy responds, replacing the hookah hose into her drawer. She didn’t even hear what you were going to say!

“The employment invitation is extended to you and you alone, Stanley. Other human prospects require similar contractual agreements--those are the rules, you see?”

You frown--no, no you DON’T! Is she saying you can’t bring your lack-err, FRIENDS along with you?

“Yes,” The fairy drones as she lazily sips from her glass. “That is EXACTLY what we’re saying. Besides, if you WERE to join us, you’d rarely see them anyway--nose to the grindstone and all that.”

Her words send you into an angry fidgeting fit in your chair. What the heck does THAT mean?

“Exactly what it sounds like: you’ll be working full-time, of course--can’t have our new operative cavorting with other humans…Think of the productivity loss.” The fairy explains in a measured tone. “Not that you could, of course… One day you could be in Clearwater #3345, the next you’re in Brkk’qsst #9…”

Err, you begin, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, bless you?

“Oh right, you’ve never heard of that dimension. Spoilers…” The fairy replies, clearly not embarrassed about the slipup. “That being said, Stanley, please don’t worry yourself about attention…” she continues, adopting a sultry voice as she stares you up and down. “We can say with absolute CERTAINTY that you’ll make new friends here soon enough…”

Wait a minute, you interject--so she’s saying you’ll never see your pals again? No LY? No SUE? MOM OR DAY? SYB? No MITZ?! No TUCKER, KIKI, OR ED? What about GUS? Christ, not even TALBOT?

“We’re saying, Stanley,” the fairy replies with a laugh, “that once you’re a part of our organization you won’t NEED them anymore!”

As her words sink in, you feel the office grow a little colder around you. Maybe you WILL have some of that drink…

“Atta’ girl.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5024453
Sending a few sips of the bubbling beverage down your throat, you bask in the newfound clarity your questions AND the drink gives you. Great stuff!

“So,” the fairy continues in a slightly more impatient tone, “What do you say, Stanley? Feel like switching to the winning team?” She adds with a wink!

Errr, does she have to know NOW? You kinda have to get back to an exploding boat…

The green-haired girl responds with an impatient sigh. “No, Stanley, of course not--we have our fingers in countless extradimensional pies, but please… Take your time!”

Watching the shades of green flicker around the office, you get the impression that she’s being sarcastic. Well since you’re already here…

“Ah, one more thing!” The fairy remembers with a glint in her catlike eye! “The favor you mentioned earlier--if you sign on with us, all pre-existing obligations will be nullified! Zilch! Nada! You’ll owe nothing but what your contract stipulates!”

No more favor, huh? When she puts it like that…

“We’ll give you one more word of warning, Stanley, but only because we like you…” She purrs, blowing a few smoke rings from her hookah, “Once you sign a contract, it’s BINDING. Don’t even FANTASIZE about breaking it--that tends to be… Unhealthy.” She concludes with a toothy grin. “So how about it, kitten?”

One blink later, a pile of GREEN PAPERS covered in SLIGHTLY DARKER BUT ALSO GLOWING TO APPEAR MORE LEGIBLE GREEN INK appear in the center of the desk. How the heck does she DO that?

“You’ve proven yourself to be a decisive monkey, so we’re sure you won’t have any trouble deciding what to do!” The fairy chirps with a cheerful smile! “Time to choose!”

Okay, you’ll give her an answer, you reply, suddenly finding a GREEN PEN in your other hand, but can she not do that creepy voice?

“What creepy voice?”

Never mind.

>SIGN THE CONTRACT
>TRY TO READ THE CONTRACT
>POUR YOUR DRINK ON HER STINKIN’ CONTRACT!
>EAT THE CONTRACT! YOU DON’T WANT TO WASTE GOOD BOOZE!
>JUST POLITELY SAY NO, JEEZ.
>TELL HER YOU’LL GIVE HER AN ANSWER LATER!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5024432
Sorry man, woulda' counted it if it was a little earlier! Next one for SURE!

That's also all for tonight, folks--should have some more ready MONDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST! Good luck on the beginning of your week and see you next time, hopefully!
>>
>>5024455
>TRY TO READ THE CONTRACT
>TELL HER YOU’LL GIVE HER AN ANSWER LATER!
>>
>>5024455
>TRY TO READ THE CONTRACT
>TELL HER YOU’LL GIVE HER AN ANSWER LATER!
>>
>>5024455
>TRY TO READ THE CONTRACT
>TELL HER YOU’LL GIVE HER AN ANSWER LATER!
>>
>>5024520
>>5024580
>>5024766
>READ DAT CONTRACT!
>TELL HER YOU'LL ANSWER LATER!

Hope you brushed up on your Legalese before this! For now please ROLL ME 1D100-10 TO TRY TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS THING--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 95 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5024846
>>
Rolled 35 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>5024846
>>
Rolled 74 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5024846
Rollan
>>
>>5024848
>>5024852
>>5024855
>HIGHEST ROLL: 85!

Writing!
>>
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Holding the pen in your hand like a loaded gun pointed at your head, a displeased scowl appears on your face--is this bitch SERIOUS?

“What’s the matter, Stanley?” The fairy purrs as she swishes her beverage around in her hand, “Never seen a contract before?”

Loudly clearing your throat, you fish out a pair of GREEN READING GLASSES from your pocket and place them daintily over your eyes--oh you’ve seen a contract before, you answer as you sift through the veritable MOUNTAIN of pages, but this right here? This is an INSULT. Rapping your hand against the papers a few times for emphasis, you look at your would-be employer as if she had just poured ketchup into your coffee.

“Whatever do you mean?” She responds, raising a thin eyebrow with interest. Where the heck do you START?!

Being strictly boilerplate, it doesn’t take you long to identify the red flags--first thing’s first, you mutter as you slash your pen across the first of many heinous flaws, the TITLE.

“What about it?”

There IS none! Jabbing a finger at the word ‘CONTRACT’ emblazoned at the top of the paper in gaudy font, you can’t help but shake your head in disappointment--no details? No clear description of what you’re signing for? You might as well be signing your SOUL away for all you know!

“Well-”

Don’t interrupt, you mutter as you adjust your cap, you’ve got a LOT of ground to cover! Speaking of coverage, take a look at this part: “upon breach of contract, Stanley Parble is liable for all damages and recompense--if she is unable to do so, responsibility falls to her next of kin and/or close associate(s).”

The fairy’s wings twitch a bit. “It’s only natural that we should receive our dues-”

Is she still hung up on THAT?! Try to keep up, sister--where’s the passage detailing HER breaking contract, huh?

“Come now, kitten--as if we would even DREAM of break-”

She tries to slither out of it, but you pull her back in by shoving the contract in her pale face! You’re not sure what they call this circus act in Fairy Land, but in America we call it a ‘ONE-WAY INDEMNITY CLAUSE!’ Quite convenient for her, isn’t it?

The fairy leans over to take the papers from you. “Clearly we’ll need to put this back in the oven for a few minutes, but-”

She can save her buts for later, you snarl! You’re just getting started! Staring you down with the eyes of someone who knows they’ve made a HUGE mistake, all the fairy can do is stay cornered in her office chair while you continue to hack away at the contract with your trusty pen!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5025350
... So really you should be getting FULL creative freedom--anything else is just a waste of ink!

The fairy sits in stunned silence for a minute or two with her hookah stuffed into her mouth before she realizes you’re finally DONE. Abandoning her suicide-by-smoke-inhalation escape plan, the winged woman blinks a few times as the office finally goes silent once again.

“We’re going to regret saying it,” she begins in a low, cautious voice, “but is there anything ELSE that concerns you in the contract?

Well, you reply, wiping your GLASSES LENSES off on your sleeve before stuffing them into your pocket, if it were YOU at the keyboard, you would have picked a better font--that squiggly glowing crap makes your eyes spin after looking at it long enough! Flopping back into your seat, you give your would-be employer a noncommittal shrug--but hey, that’s what first drafts are for, right?

The fairy’s eye twitches as you take a sip from your now room-temperature drink. “... How do you know so much about contracts, anyways?”

You shoot her a smug grin over the surface of your beverage--you have to know these things when you’re a quest protagonist!

“... Naturally.” She replies, chewing dents into her hookah hose. “Well clearly this contract could do with a spitshine or two--rest assured that your… FEEDBACK… Will be carefully considered in the second draft.”

Sounds great, you reply as you take another swig from your glass. Speaking of good stuff, wasn’t she supposed to reward you or something for committing mermaid genotype, or whatever it’s called?

“That WAS part of the deal, wasn’t it?” The fairy muses as she places her booted feet back onto her desk. “Yes, let’s move right along--the sooner we finish here the sooner we can redraft the contract AND the sooner you can LEAVE.”

The remnants of your glass disappear down your throat. Riiight, you still gotta head back to shore! Let’s speed this up!

“Let’s.” Pointing a finger towards the bar cart, the fairy sends an impatient stare your way. “What’s it going to be this time, kitten? MONEY? POWERS? INFORMATION?”

Rubbing your hands together like a kid in a candy shop, you carefully consider your options--what DON’T you want?

>MAGIC POWERS HAVEN’T DONE ME WRONG YET!
>ERR… MONEY’S OKAY, BUT DO YOU GOT ANY PONGOS?
>INFORMATION, HUH? MIGHT BE WORTH IT!
>THIS ONE’S ON THE HOUSE--CALL IT A ‘FAVOR’! *WINKS OBNOXIOUSLY*
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5025351
>>MAGIC POWERS HAVEN’T DONE ME WRONG YET!
>>
>>5025351
>ERR… MONEY’S OKAY, BUT DO YOU GOT ANY PONGOS?
>>
>>5025351
>>THIS ONE’S ON THE HOUSE--CALL IT A ‘FAVOR’! *WINKS OBNOXIOUSLY*
Let's let her squirm a little bit
>>
>>5025351
>>MAGIC POWERS HAVEN’T DONE ME WRONG YET!
>>ERR… MONEY’S OKAY, BUT DO YOU GOT ANY PONGOS?
>>
>>5025351
>THIS ONE’S ON THE HOUSE--CALL IT A ‘FAVOR’! *WINKS OBNOXIOUSLY*
>>
Thanks for the votes, folks, but for the sake of making things easy could we stick to voting for one thing only?
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5025509
>>5025519

my ip changed but I’m this guy. Time to let the dice decide.

1=powers
2=pongos
>>
Gonna pick this up again around TUESDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST! Sorry, folks, just getting a little late on my end! Hope to see you then!
>>
Looks like we're still split between two votes for:
>Pongos
And
>Favor

I'll leave this open until the usual 6-7pm PST--GETCHER VOTES IN NOW AND SWAP EM AROUND IF YOU WANT TO AS WELL!
>>
>>5025351
>ERR… MONEY’S OKAY, BUT DO YOU GOT ANY PONGOS?
As much as I'd like getting cool skeleton powers for Ly, gotta start saving these pongos for bunny suit
>>
>>5026011
pongos?
>>
>>5026070

In-game money unit
We can buy stuff from the pastebin box labelled 'Paulie's Inventory' using pongos.
>>
>>5025364
>>5025351

Changing from magic to pongos
>>
>>5025380
>>5025524
>>5026042
>>5026368
>SWEET, SWEET PONGOS

>>5025431
>>5025512
>FAVOR!

WRITING! Thanks for making it a little more streamlined for me!
>>
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Your mind races at the prospect of some more powers, but it skids to a dramatic halt once you remember the reality of the situation: if you grab another one of those MAGICAL BREWS, it’s just gonna go to LY! Where’s the fun in that?!

Speaking of fun, your employer’s smoldering expression tells you that she’s clearly not having any. “Do you even have a passing interest in LEAVING SOON? Time is money, you know...” Guess she’s still peeved about all of your CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM…

Something about what she says ticks a checkmark in your brain, though--blinking as if you had just been woken up, you ask her to repeat herself--what was that about MONEY?!

“Well naturally we use a far DIFFERENT currency around here,” She explains, taking another dainty sip from her glass, “but the idiom still has meaning--chop, chop, kitten.”

A devious grin stretches across your face as you replay her words in your head--MONEY! That’s IT! Casually placing your finished drink on the corner of her desk, you lean forward a bit and bat your eyelashes her way--money’s cool and all, but does she happen to have any PONGOS lying around?

The fairy raises an eyebrow your way mid-hookah puff. “Pongos?”

Yea, you begin as you reach into your pockets for your PONGO POUCH, they’re these kitschy-lookin’ things from when you were younger an-

“Collectible milk cap disks decorated with pop culture icons and other images used in a primitive game in the early 90’s…” She recites, puffing a few pongo-shaped clouds into the air. “Yes, we’re well aware of those.”

That’s them, you answer excitedly! Could she hook you up with some of those? Your employer responds to your request with a look somewhere between confusion and pity.

“You’re offered unspeakable magical power, knowledge beyond human understanding, and wealth beyond measure… Yet you want PONGOS?”

You nod emphatically! You betcha!

With a snap of her pale fingers, a pile of various pongos appears in front of you in a cloud of thick green smoke. “Knock yourself out, PLEASE.”

You take a few moments to scoop them all up, eyes alight with childlike mirth as you count them all in your head--this must be thirt-no, FORTY in total! Groovy!

PASTEBIN UPDATED!

“Don’t bend them,” the fairy commands, not bothering to look you in the eye, “they’re COLLECTIBLE.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5026491
“Well then,” The fairy continues as you gleefully inspect the picture on each disk, “I believe that settles things for the time being, kitten. Rest assured that we’ll have our… People… Take another stab at that contract.”

They’d BETTER, you grunt, eyes focused on a pongo depicting vast red plains dotted with peculiar claw-like spires jutting into a pale orange sky. Huh. This one from Africa or something?

“A bit further than that…'' The fairy replies, chuckling to herself as if remembering an old joke. “In any case, we’ll do you the courtesy of not wasting any more of your precious time…” She takes another long puff from the hookah hose. “Rest assured, however, that the next time you’re called in we’ll have a FAR better contract waiting for you!” A toothy grin travels across the desk and over to you. “One that you’d have to be CRAZY to refuse…”

Huh, you reply, clicking your tongue. Well if she says so…

“One last thing, kitt-err, STANLEY:” The fairy adds, drumming her long GREEN nails on the surface of her desk, “We humbly ask that you refrain from discussing the details of this meeting with your… Associates.” She explains, raising a thin eyebrow a fraction of an inch. “Wouldn’t want to make them jealous, now would we?”

You get the picture… Wouldn’t want them to get all jealous, right? Giving your pockets a satisfied pat, you give the winged woman a knowing nod--scout’s honor!

“Excellent.” She replies, returning your grin with one of her own. “Now then, was there anything else?” Her catlike eyes narrow in anticipation of your answer. “Quickly, if you please.”

WAS there?
>YEA--YOU WANNA GET RID OF THIS STUPID FAVOR! FANCY A WAGER?
>YUP--SHE’S NOT GONNA MESS WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY, RIGHT?
>AYE--HAS SHE DEALT WITH ANYONE ELSE YOU KNOW RECENTLY?
>WRITE-IN!
>NAY--LET’S GO!
>>
>>5026492
>>NAY--LET’S GO!
>>
>>5026492
Oh wait, I have an idea.
>YESS-SINCE WE ARE SUCH GOOD PALS NOW, CAN I HAVE YOUR NAME?
>>
>>5026514
>>5026492

sUPPORT!
>>
>>5026514
>>5026550
>YOU GOT A NAME, SWEETHEART?

Writing!
>>
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You respond by rising from your chair and giving your gracious host a shrug--you’re good for now!

“And not a moment too soon…” The fairy mutters under her breath as she peeks at something in one of her desk’s many drawers. “In that case, Stanley, do take care of yourself--good investments are hard to come by these days…”

What can you say? You’re a catch! As the green clouds around you start to close in, a thought reaches the decrepit subway station that is your brain--one that prompts you to shout out a dramatic ‘WAIT!

“Don’t worry, kitten, we’ll call YOU.”

Shaking your head in dissatisfaction, you jab your finger through the green fog in the direction of the fairy’s face! Now that you’re PALS, does she have a name or what?

“Name?” She responds in a mix of surprise and amusement, “We don’t ha-” Catching her sentence mid-speech, a renewed grin forms on your would-be employer’s pale face. “Then again… Let’s go with SHANNON. That’s always been a favorite of ours.”

You blink. Shannon. You expected something with more ‘OOMPH’, but you suppose that’ll have to do.

“We’re VERY glad you approve,” Shannon replies, her expression clearly not matching her words. “Until next time, St
anley… And remember: mum’s the word..”

Her final sentence echoes through your head as the plumes of green smoke finally engulf you entirely. Maybe it’s the drink you had, maybe it’s how late it is, or maybe you’re just damn tired, but whatever the reason you feel your legs give out from under you as you topple headfirst into a yawning black abyss!

Falling for what feels like minutes, you feel a familiar heaviness return to your eyelids--a clear reminder that yes, you ARE still mortal. Giving in almost instantaneously, you let gravity take control of your body as it carries you… Somewhere.

… Hopefully not through a SEA DEMON’S digestive system...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5026613
The first sensation that returns to you is smell--rushing to give your brain information, your nostrils are assaulted by a multitude of sensations, some familiar, others not so much. You recognize the brisk, salty scent of the sea, of course--somewhere nearby a patch of seaweed lies rotting on the beach. Then you smell gunpowder, ash, and blazing infernos--the three cornerstones of Californian living.

It’s the last smell that jumpstarts the rest of your senses: one that overpowers the booze-tinged breath of someone kneeling next to you and one that you’ve smelled countless times before. A smell that haunted the halls of both GOOD BOY and CLEARWATER HIGH--one that makes your nose recoil and your eyes sting even when they’re closed…

SPEARMINT.

As your body continues rebooting, your ears lead the charge by transmitting garbled noises into your head--sounds akin to someone speaking underwater with a mouth full of marbles. It takes a moment for your brain to unscramble the gibberish, but within a few seconds you piece together not just one speaker, but several.

“-’s coming around!” Shouts a male not too far away!

“Back off, creeps!” Adds the voice at your side!

It’s not the familiar voices that rouse you from your slumber, however, nor do the sounds of clattering bones and cutlasses further away.

What wakes you up, unfortunately, is a familiar set of notes--one that pierces through the murky state of your brain like it has countless times before:

https://youtu.be/mHjH3DyKChU
Jerking upright as if someone had just poked you with a live wire, your eyes open up to a scene you’d really rather not wake up to…

STAN!” Sybil shouts, “You’re okay!”

Aside from Talbot, who lingers over you like a dog protecting his master, your friends stand huddled together in a tight, disarmed group...

… Right next to a similarly-disarmed Andre and his remaining mutineers.

“Wakey wakey, Stannie,” Comes a familiar voice to your left. Craning your neck to the side, the rest of the jigsaw puzzle quickly fills itself in: flanked by a contingent of GOOD BOY SECURITY GUARDS and a matching crowd of robe-clad mages are three folks you had hoped you wouldn’t have to see for another lifetime or so:

CURT BLACQUIRE: face stern as ever, BEA HENNIG: gauntlets wrapped tightly around a massive STUN BATON crackling with electricity, and last, but never least, BORIS PONDEROSA: his TELESCOPING MOP currently occupying a fresh hole punched into the lifeless skull of your most recent target: CAPTAIN RED-EYE MENDOZA.

“Sorry to wake ya’, bumblebee,” He continues in that SICKENING half-laugh voice of his, “but clearly we need to have a little chat...

END OF PART 11
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: DEEP TROUBLE
>>
That's all for #11, folks--should have the next one ready to go FRIDAY AROUND 6-7PM PST, but I'll let you know if things change!

If you haven't already, you can follow my Twitter linked in the OP Post for news of when I update--you can also check out some neat 'STAN' Art on the imgur!

Whether you've been here since the beginning or came in during this thread, it's been an absolute pleasure writing this with you and I appreciate your patience, participation, and support! It hasn't been perfect, of course, but it's definitely been something!

Naturally this thread will be up for a few more days, so if you have any QUESTIONS, CRITICISM, OR COMMENTS, feel free to write me--I'm always looking for ways to improve and I appreciate the feedback. If you happen to have some ART for me too, well let's just say I'm always happy to add more stuff to the Imgur!

Gonna archive this now, but I'll be lurking--hope to see you all in the next one!
>>
Thread archived: check it and the others out here. Apologies for the triple/quadruple posts--had a lot of info to get out there!

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?searchall=bones+quest
>>
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Fuck Boris.

That is all.
>>
>>5026619
Whooo! Thanks for running as alway Bones, this certainly was a ride.
>>
>>5026619
thanks for running, things are getting pretty interesting now
>>
>>5026631
I mean... You can TRY... Not sure Stan would be too excited about it, though.

>>5027036
Glad you err, rode along! It's been fun writing it with you guys!

>>5027211
Here's hoping it gets interesting-er! Thanks for READING!
>>
If anyone's still here, time to move >>>5029984



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