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/qst/ - Quests

There's been a jailbreak in the quiet town of Port Polka.

The radio waves have been taken over, screeching hideously and endlessly.

Smoke chokes the sky as bridges and buildings burn.

All 8 types of dastardly Disco Biscuits have been found in the town's water supply.

Nearly all normal humans have devolved into maniacally dancing freaks, dancing so hard that they can't stop to eat, drink, or drive properly.

There can be only one cabal of cads and fiends who are fresh and funky enough to pull something like this...

The Disco Division!!
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Meanwhile, deep inside The Iron Boot's lair, his mom's house, The Iron Boot sips away at a glass of tainted water. Nothing happens to him due to his mutant genetics. But when his mother drinks from the same glass, she starts convulsing... Then frothing at the mouth... Then she begins... To do the Monster Mash!! She jumps right out of the apartment building's 8th story window!! It was a graveyard smash!!

"Iron Mooooooom!! Nooooo!!"

The Iron Boot runs to the window and looks out. Iron Mom is flattened. But that's not all...

The whole city is on fire, loud music clashes with other insanely loud music, cars crash constantly, and glass breaks as more people shimmy and shake out of their skyscrapers!!

Completely immune to the water thanks to his mutant genes...
Completely hateful towards dancing of any kind thanks to his heavy Iron Boot...
And completely devoted to combatting evil, thanks to his mutated Iron morals...

The Iron Boot rushes to the Mutie Phone (his mom's cell phone on the kitchen counter) and calls up all of his low-tier "super"-powered mutant friends to help him stop the Disco Division's crimewave.

>Answer the call! (Character Creation is in the image!!)
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There are 7 types of enemy mobs and 5 legendary arch-villains enlisted in the Disco Division. Let's learn who our enemies are! (stats subject to change)

There's Private Potato Salad, Lieutenant Limbo, Master Sergeant Stanky Legg, Major General Monkey Bravo, and their Supreme Commander, Tango.

They leads masses of manic malingerers! There are the Boom-Boxers, Jive Turkeys, Breaktrancers, Safety Dancers, Haka Hulks, Dagga Drivers and Ballroom Blitzers!


Wow! That's a lot of gallivanting goons!! Good thing each Mutant Mosher can move and use TWO (2) actions per turn!! (Basic Attacks, Mutant Powers, or Special Interactions)

Now, let's get this rinkydink ruse on the road with...

A tutorial fight!!


The Iron Boot makes it to the bottom floor of his apartment building, and greets his first-responder Mutant Mosher teammates (you) in the lobby! As they formulate a plan, none other than the puerile Private Potato Salad herself bursts through the window with a squad of a Boom Boxer, a Safety Dancer, and a Breaktrancer!

They're all grooving out to The Casualties and The Ramones. They flap their arms, bang their heads, and stamp their feet.

They spot The Iron Boot not dancing and ask what his deal is, man!

The crew of first responder mutants valiantly step to his defense.
"Hey! He may smell poorly..."
"...drool a lot..."
"...have a bad sense of fashion..."
"...and be a bit of a cranky coot!
"...But you've got to stop dancing! This is madness!"

They won't listen to reason, and they won't stop trying to get you to dance with them!! It's kind of tempting!!! It's a fight!!! They wanna dance you dead!!

>After you've created your Mutant Mosher, stage them in the PINK, NUMBERED STARTING ZONE. Tell me which pink numbered hex you wish to spawn in. Only one Mutant Mosher can occupy a hex at a time. The map in this image is the actual Tutorial map!
File: THE 8 DEADLY DANCES.png (1.47 MB, 2360x3400)
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*** QM notes and schedule: ***

-PLAYERS CAN JOIN IN AT ANY TIME, even during battles. Just create a Mutant Mosher and tell me you want to join, I'll zoop you into the fight with my handy dandy New Character Zooper.

-A skirmish is a multiplayer quest, a fun and small commitment for both you and I. I will cap off created, active players at 12, if we make it that high. If anyone bails or doesn't take their turn in time before an update and we're waiting on them, late-comers may suggest actions for another character or create a new one at the expense of killing off an old one. Out of courtesy, try to give it ~5 turns before killing off an idle, living Mutant Mosher. This should give a grace period of about a day or two for idle players to return.

-Mechanics are subject to change; wildly, rapidly, mundanely, controversially, or otherwise.

-Deaths are permanent. If your Mutant Mosher dies, he's gone forever. You can make another and join the fight again immediately next turn, but they'll start somewhere far away on the map, and have beginner stats (only 10 stat points to allocate again).

-Sessions will be updated multiple times daily. Don't expect updates from Midnight-8AM PST, I'll probably be asleep. Otherwise, I'll try to update turns as soon as everyone's actions are in, or it's been "enough" time. ;) My intention is to run at least 2-3 or more full turns a day, making this skirmish paced medium or medium-fast. Not too hot, not too cold. Hopefully.

-During live sessions, a turn's length may be as low as ~4 hours before the next turn if I'm feeling really frisky. So if you don't have your turn in and we're waiting on you, you may get skipped or controlled by external forces (QM or other players). Don't sweat it, though, eez joest gaem.

-Now with 100% real vegetables

-We'll wait ~24 hours for people to join in and create their Mutant Moshers, then we'll start the Tutorial fight!

-Ask (questions) and you shall receive (answers). Thanks for joining the Mosh!

>pastebin.com/R77Xbfye contains the same info as these photos, as well as intel on the goons we face. Enemy stats subject to change. Locations/Terrain will be introduced next level.
>The Humorless Bard
>Once a member of the Disco Division himself, The Humorless Bard was kicked out for his gross musical incompetence and awful attitude working against the goals of the organization to cause people to dance. Swearing revenge against the "tasteless troglodytes", The Humorless Bard began actively resisting the Division's efforts to surprising success. He is very driven, and has trained himself to withstand powerful blows, whether physical or otherwise. The Bard was originally given his moniker by the Division as a way to mock him, but now he wears it with pride, showing the just how "Humorless" he can really be.
>He's literally hurt the feelings of countless evildoer with "Wicked Jeer", dealing a small amount of damage and focusing the targets attention on himself!
>He can play his magical flute so poorly, his "Revolting Refrain" causes people around him to lose all motivation to dance, but also lose some of their momentum taking time to cover their ears!
>He revels in the attention of ally and foe alike! "Showtime Staunchness" heals him according to the number of people nearby!
>Dur: 5, Str: 0, Mag: 1, Spd: 0, Cha: 4
Lightning Larry aka That one Static Electricity Guy

>As a kid Larry lived in a house with carpeted floors and 2 siblings. One particularly dry day both siblings zapped him with static electricity at the same time a solar flare occurred. The result caused Larry to develop minor electric powers though he would always claim it was due to a lightning strike to sound more impressive. While he has been active for a while his trackrecord isn't too impressive but he did stop the Pacemaker-Gang. The fights against the Cheese-Crooks and the Human Insulator were all done by some impostor who was clearly ruining his name, as he will explain to anyone who mentions those embarrassments.

>His Shocking Grasp allows him to deliver as the name suggests a (minor static) shock to anything he touches.
>His Photon Flashbang is literally blinding as long as the bad guys look at him and aren't blinking when he uses it
> And finally there is his most powerful technique the Magnetizer.

>Durability 2
>Strength 2
>Magic 4
>Speed 2
>Charisma 0
Current roster:
The Iron Boot - 21HP | 3 Move | Resist 21 | 1d10 basic attack
The Humorless Bard - 25HP | 3 Move | Resist 35 | 1d6 basic attack, Range 5
That One Static Electricity Guy - 20HP | 4 Move | Resist 13 | 1d9 basic attack

Someone with inside intel, we can always use someone like you! It's also quite nice to have someone in the squad with the rare RANGED basic attack!! While most other super schmucks like the Iron Boot and That One Static Electricity Guy have to get close to physically harm foes with basic attacks, The Humorless Bard has a basic attack that allows him to throw a sour note up to 5 tiles away! Just imagine if that wicked power was utilized for evil by the Disco Division! Glad you're on our side.

It's estimated that only about one in 6 Mutant Moshers develop a ranged attack, or about 2 or 3 max per group at any given time. However, with the right Mutant Powers or some creative Special Interactions, no Mutant Mosher is truly left without ranged options.

>>As a kid Larry lived in a house with carpeted floors and 2 siblings
God damn I love good foreshadowing like that. Wait, did anything happen to the 2 siblings? Also, nice character. So far you're the quickest of the group with 4 Movement Points!

All Mutant Powers accepted as well, I'll fully flesh out their mechanics soon.

Signup period continues!!
>Seneca, Disco Foreteller
>A horrid mesh of schizophrenia, hardcore vibrations, and ultraviolence. A formerly boring secretary who was willingly broken her mind to reach a higher level of accession in a desperate attempt to find some meaning in the world. Claims to be able to see the future by blasting harsh enough sound into her ears with specially made (and totally not slapped together) headphones
>REARRANGER: The past, the future, the present! All must be rearranged for the skebabble to arrive! With harsh barks and bass, her prophetic authority force someone to move where she wants!
>ULTRACORE: Turning up the volume to 11! The message must not be denied! The blood pouring out of her ears is simply the price paid to grant herself more power! More stats! But the vibe can only be kept temporary!
>THE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE QUESTION AND WHAT IS THE ANSWER?! WHAT IS THE ANSWER?! INTERNALLY COHERENT! The schizophrenic ramblings are liable to scramble the brains of those who listen to them for too long.
>Dur: 1, Str: 0, Mag: 5, Spd: 2, Cha: 2
Signups continue! Our first battle commences in about 16 hours!

A frail battlemage diploid with a bulging brain that's totally schizoid - far out man! Seneca's upset 'cuz they're putting Disco Biscuits in the water that turn the friggin' frogs great - at dancing!


Here are your stat blocks, complete with Mutant Powers. Let me know if you had something else in mind, or any changes you'd like to see, and we can workshop it.

>The Humorless Bard - 25HP | 3 Move | Resist 35 | 1d6 basic attack, Range 5
Wicked Jeer, Cooldown: 1 turn. Deals a basic attack to any foe at UNLIMITED RANGE! Attack anyone on the map with a nasty quip, just know they'll be coming for you... With a +3 mod to attacks on you!!!
Revolting Refrain, Cooldown: Cooldown: 2 turns. Removes all dance effects on all other Mutant Moshers in Range 2. Can't target self.**
Showtime Staunchness, Cooldown: 3 turns! Heals 2HP per friend or foe within Range 2. Cannot heal past full HP. If amount healed surpasses Full HP, remove all Dances from The Humorless Bard.
Dur: 5, Str: 0, Mag: 1, Spd: 0, Cha: 4
**Couldn't think of a compromise on the "losing momentum" part, but I think it's still balanced. Here are some proposals I've thought up:
Proposal A: Leave as is (default option)
Proposal B: Turn it into a single target move and allow self-targeting, increase the Range to 5 and lower the Cooldown to 1.
Proposal C: Increase Cooldown to 3, and add a +20 mod to Resisting a new Dance for 1 turn.
Proposal D: Increase Range to 3, and add a -15 mod to Resisting a new Dance for 1 turn.
Proposal E: Write in

>That One Static Electricity Guy (Larry) - 20HP | 4 Move | Resist 13 | 1d9 basic attack
Shocking Grasp, Cooldown: 0 turns! Adds +3 to his basic attack dice, but gives a cumulative -10 to Resists until next turn.
Photon Flashbang, Cooldown: 2 turns. All enemies in Range 3 have all of their rolls halved until your next turn.
Magnetizer, Cooldown 3 turns! Removes any Dancing effects on self and deals 1d10 damage to all goons (Non-BOSS foes) in Range 3. Affected foes who don't die prioritize Larry for attack next round.
Dur: 2, Str: 2, Mag: 4, Spd: 2, Cha: 0

>Seneca, Disco Foreteller - 17HP | 4 Move | Resist 29 |1d10 basic attack
Rearranger, Cooldown: 1 turn. Can control a friend or foe within Range 5, and make them move up to 5 tiles away from their current hex.
ULTRACORE, Cooldown: 1 turn. Sacrifice 1HP, then attack a foe within Range 5 for 1d20 damage!
The Question And The Answer, Cooldown: 1 turn. All goons (Non-BOSS foes) within Range 2 cannot inflict Dancing effects next turn, only attack damage. This also deals basic attack damage to ONE (1) ADJACENT (Range 1) enemy, which you may announce or leave up to chance.
Dur: 1, Str: 0, Mag: 5, Spd: 2, Cha: 2

>The Iron Boot
His stat block is already on the pastebin. Now everybody's stats are up to date there! https://pastebin.com/R77Xbfye


Signups continue! Our first battle commences in about 16 hours!
>Revolting Refrain compromise
I mainly put in "losing momentum" in as a downside to the ability (in the form of -1 Action or losing movement or something), but if you think it's fine without it, I'm happy with how it is. Though maybe, could we give it a malus to movement (next turn if doing it current turn is too hard?) in exchange for reducing the cooldown or extending the range? How does that sound? Giving a malus to resisting a new dance doesn't make much thematic sense to me.

That +3 Mod to attacks against me in Wicked Jeer is for damage right? Would it be possible to change the +3 against me into a -3 on the attack or something? I have precedent for this in describing it as a "small amount of damage". I don't like the idea of it giving a bonus against me, kind of diminishes the "tank" idea by making me less tanky, so I'd like to try to work in some other disadvantage to the ability. Also, Basic Attacks don't have a cooldown, right? So I'd be able to Basic Attack independent of the Wicked Jeer cooldown?

Showtime Staunchness is exactly how I envisioned it, looks good.

Is it just me or is ULTRACORE insane?
Actually, I didn't envision the Dance self heal in Showtime Staunchness. Perhaps reducing cooldown by 1 in exchange for removing the self-Dance-remove? Though maybe not, it kind of makes sense both thematically and design-wise. Eh, maybe I'll sleep on it.
As for basic attacks, yes, there is no Cooldown. You could basic attack twice a turn every turn, provided there are targets nearby.

I think your compromise on Wicked Jeer is a good change, let me know if you'd like to stick with it, as of now, I plan on using it. It'll keep unlimited range, but I plan to reduce the damage a bit or set it low, and remove the modifier as suggested.

However, if I reduce the Cooldown on Staunchness, I would have to reduce the Range or HP healed to 1 to keep it balanced. Let me know if you want either of those changes.
>God damn I love good foreshadowing like that. Wait, did anything happen to the 2 siblings?

Well, lets say that if Larry dies he will be avenged
>One freak accident is all it takes to turn one into freak. Cristal would know this as during the night she was helping in reptile house of zoo a truck would barrel through the wall. When she woke up after being hit by the truck or debris it did seem like she was stuck in rubble and surrounded by radioactive crystals and now freed reptiles. After coming to her senses she noticed that rubble felt surprisingly light. When the rescuers came she was already standing at crash site looking how she now had reptile like claws and scaled arms, legs and tail with some sort of poison flowing between scales and claws crystalizing when it got outside. She has mostly used her powers when something has disturbed her peace while she rested in the warm light and now this music is getting on her nerves.

>Crystaline Claws: Extends claws by crystalising poison on while leaving some to leak.
>Crystaline Shell: Pumps extra crystaline poison to scaled body parts to create an armor.
>Poison Wave: Plashes crystaline poison on enemies around her to slow down or stop them by encasing them in crystal.

> Dur:6, Str:3, Mag:1, Spd:0, Cha:0
I'd like to stick with my compromise of Wicked Jeer, yes.

For Staunchness, I'll keep it as is.
The Humorless Bard's Mutant Powers are solidified!
1d20 can still be a really weak hit like a 3, and as it stands, only 2 of the 7 goons would be 1HKO'd with a 20 roll (only 2 with a 19, and they are purposefully frail), so I think it'll be okay. I think it fits the character as a whole, especially since they're not heavy on HP themselves. Kind of like a glass cannon.

Don't talk like that, Larry, we'll make it through this fucking unbearable music and the lunatics dancing to it!!


Another first responding Mutant Mosher answers the call!

>Crystalline Riptail (Cristal) - 28HP | 3 Move | Resist 7 | 1d8 basic attack
A freaky female with a forked, toxic tongue and bulging bio-crystal muscles! She's serpentine, crystalline, just plain mean!!
Crystalline Claws, Cooldown 1 turn. Reach out up to Range 3 and perform a basic attack with a +1 damage mod! If you attack an adjacent foe (Range 1), it's a +3 damage mod instead!!
Crystalline Shell, Cooldown 2 turns. Gives you a shield preventing up to 10 damage from the first attack you defend against next turn. You also auto-roll up to 3 Nat100's on your Resistance Rolls against Dances next turn.
Poison Wave, Cooldown 0 turns! Name ONE (1) of the 8 Deadly Dance to prevent. This Dance cannot be applied by foes for ONE (1) turn. You also gain +1 Move this turn. **
Dur:6, Str:3, Mag:1, Spd:0, Cha:0

**With its 0 turn Cooldown, Poison Wave can be used twice in a turn to completely nullify any one type of goon's Dances at a time. i.e.: Using it twice and preventing both Headbanging and Finger Snapping would mean that no Boom-Boxer on the map could inflict any Dances, only damage. Find goon stats on pastebin.com/R77Xbfye

I won't mention this going forward for the sake of brevity, but if there's something you'd like to change about your new Mutant Mosher (especially Mutant Powers), then please let me know and feel free to make suggestions as exampled with The Humorless Bard (>>5273127)


We'll be deploying in about 4 hours!!

New Mutant Moshers are free to join at any time!!

There is an incentive to all "first responding mutants" who deploy before the first Enemy Phase occurs -- they will get an ADDITIONAL +1 Stat Point at the end of the map if they can survive the Tutorial!


Private Potato Salad mocks The Iron Boot relentlessly. She moves in, about to begin striking him with a dance move when she realizes she's outnumbered!! There are at least 5 Mutant Moshers, and only 4 Disco Division soldiers!!

She beats a hasty, very stylish retreat, and commands her men to make you dance! Cuz your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, then they're... No friends of theirs!

>State your Mutant Mosher name or Stat Block and choose a pink numbered dino to deploy on!!! If you feel confident, go ahead and state your first turn as well. Look at The Iron Boot's example in the next post.
Hey, who drew all over the mission map?? Larry!!!


>The Iron Boot deploys on Pink Dino #5
>Move 116 aka NW, NW, W
"Darn, I'm just out of range from that Boom-Boxer, or I'd give him the ol' Iron Stomp!! However, I can still..."
>Use Atomic Weld! Next attack has a +5 mod!! It's on 1 turn cooldown and can't be used the rest of this turn or next turn.
"Hmm, I still have another action I can use, but I'm not in range for a Basic Attack or a Mutant Power! I can either just end my turn now... Or use a Special Interaction!! Hmmm... I got nothin!"
>End turn
-One man per hex, hex cannot be more than 50% covered by obstacles like mountains or buildings. The only tiles in play on this map are the light grey hexes. You can move thru friends but not foes.
-Actions happen in the order they are taken, please look at the actions that came before you to help you decide yours.
-If small mistakes are made, I'll try to solve it amicably without communication, to save on update times.
-Directions for movement are in >>5272531 picrel, the orange hexagon: NW 1, NE 2, E 3, SE 4, SW 5 and W 6.

Oh yeah I guess since we're more or less officially starting now, I'll extend the opening a few hours and say...


>Create your Mutant Moshers now to get "first responder" perks at the end of this tutorial mission!!


>Announce your deployment and actions/moves/turns by 3PM PST, please!! The Disco Division doesn't run on Mutant time, they'll attack even if we aren't ready!! (~6 hours from now)
When I have a modifier to damage, like some dances and Wicked Jeer can do, does that change the face of the die I use, or do I use my normal die and apply the modifier to the damage?

Do you think you could add what enemy symbol on the map corresponds to which enemy name in the pastebin?

Also, what is the range of B-Boy Bonk?
>apply the modifier to the damage?
This one.
>Add symbols/map key for enemies?
Wonderful idea, I'll also add the compass
>B-Boy Bonk
Range 1 but attacks in all directions, so if he's completely surrounded, that's 6 targets! But it's unlikely he'll ever get more than 2 or 3, especially with Breaktrancers only having 12HP.
Rolled 6, 2 = 8 (2d6)

>The Humorless Bard deploys at point 12
>Move 6
>Use Wicked Jeer on Breaktrancers
"Hockey is the worst sport, football is objectively much better!"
>Basic Attack Boom Boxers
>Move 3
Rolled 3 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>Seneca deploys on PD #9
>Turning up the volume to maximum, target the Boomboxer with ULTRACORE
>Move 1166
>Basic Attack the Safety Dancer
Rolled 3 (1d10)

and for the basic attack. Ignore the +1, I meant to write dice+1d20+1d10.
Rolled 4, 8 + 3 = 15 (2d8 + 3)

>Crystaline Riptail deploys at pd1
>move 666
"lets see how shielded those speakers are"
>Basic attack Boom Boxer
>Crystalline Claws on BoomBoxer +3 for claw attack
Fair warning my internet is out so I'm phoneposting and just living my starting point

Starting on 9
Rolled 4 + 3 (1d5 + 3)

Of course after several my connection issues are fixed not too long after posting. Anyway here is my turn move 1166 and shocking grasp on boomboxer.

Also sorry about those drawing, that no good impostor is trying to ruin my reputation again *someone will have to buy that excuse eventually.*
Just a few more hours before the Disco Division strikes back!
Action cutoff!

Processing Mutant Phase...

All current Mutant Moshers accounted for, if there are any lollygagging stragglers, you'll have to wait until after the Disco Phase to join up!
Fuck, I lost a bunch of notes on accident, oh well.

Please use Mutant Powers responsibly, and keep track of your Cooldowns.


Total damage output:
27 to Boom Boxer: -2/25HP ... K.O.!!
3 to Safety Dancer: 19/22HP remaining
6 to Breaktrancer: 6/12HP remaining
Pvt. Potato Salad: unharmed! Apparently, she's got 25 HP just like a Boom Boxer!!

+5 to Iron Boot's next attack (Atomic Weld)
-10 to Lightning Larry's next Resistance Roll (Shocking Grasp)
-1HP to Seneca, as reflected on the map (ULTRACORE)
Breaktrancer is aggro towards The Humorless Bard (Wicked Jeer)

Alright! We've taken the first step towards freeing Port Polka by smashing one of the boys flat in a nasty flurry of crystal claws, bard shouts, static electricity and the superior music of ULTRACORE!

That Boom Boxer never stood a chance, but his buddies might!

Here they come, and they look... Just happy to be alive!

But they smile and dance for all the wrong reasons!

Processing Disco Phase...
Rolled 53 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

Dance roll


Private Potato Salad waltzes up to the apparent powerhouse of the group, Crystalline Riptail, and hits her with a Basic Attack. As a Boss, she bypasses all Resistance, and immediately applies Finger Snapping to Cristal!!

Even if she wasn't a Boss, Finger Snapping has a +10 infection rate mod, making it the hardest Dance to avoid! And with Cristal's sorely low Resistance of only 7, she had no chance of resisting Finger Snapping from any source at this point.

We still roll a Dance die to see how long the Dance lasts, and a Resistance roll, even now, just in case it would affect the outcome.
Rolled 3 (1d7)

Cristal's Resistance roll (Might wanna get that CHA, MAG or SPD up to improve this, or you'll be extra vulnerable to Dancing!)
Rolled 2 (1d10)

^Private Potato Salad's attack roll
(Cristal takes this much damage)

63 Dance - 3 Resist = 60 over!

50+ over = 3 turns of Dancing.

All of your rolls face a flat -2 mod for 3 turns or until you stop Finger Snapping!!

"Oh no, they got to Cristal!!"


The Safety Dancer comes up next to test his mettle against the group...
Rolled 35 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

BATTLE THEME: youtube.com/watch?v=PHRIvssIfHo

The Safety Dancer drops his radio and thinks about reaching for his Disco Biscuit Launcher, but ends up staying in place and unleashing a wild-in-the-streets Ranged Basic Attack on The Humorless Bard!! Can he get this grumpy old bard to snap his fingers too? He's got a much better chance at resisting the Dance than his crystalline, poison friend.

Dance Roll! (+10 mod again because it's Finger Snapping!)
Rolled 27 (1d35)

C'mon, don't start dancing now, pal! You gotta Resist that!!

Resistance roll for Sour Grapes!
Rolled 4 (1d6)

^Safety Dancer damage roll (Bard loses this much HP)

45 Dance - 27 Resist = 18 over!

The Humorless Bard begins Finger Snapping, but only for 1 turn!! Thank goodness, we have business to do, man!

The Iron Boot shouts out to Cristal "Don't worry, I'll stomp on your toes so you stop dancing! :)"

She shoots back a look like she doesn't want to talk to or associate with that smelly nerd.

No time for squabbles now, that weakling Breaktrancer moves 3wards (East) and smacks Lightning Larry with...
Rolled 75 (1d100)

A basic attack!!

Here's the Dance roll!

Breaktrancer is aggro'd on The Humorless Bard due to his Wicker Jeer, but can't reach him! In cases like this, foes will seek out other targets. Poor Larry.

This one applies the Dance known as Popping and Locking, a very expressive form of Dance that prevents all Actions!! You can still Move, and enemies will not attack you! Choose your Actions (wisely) anyway though, this Dance (as well as Tangoing) are unique in that you roll again every turn to try to overcome them.
Rolled 5 (1d13)

That One Static Electricity Guy does his best to Resist! Or is that his trickster doppelganger?
Rolled 2 (1d5)

Attack roll! (Larry loses this much HP)
Oh no, he can't resist the very intricate Dance!
He's Popping and Locking for 3 turns!!
Enemies will avoid him, but he may be unable to act!!

The Iron Boot sees that the Popping and Locking is a much bigger threat to the operation than any Finger Snapping! "I'll help you, don't worry, Larry!"

Do you ignore the Safety Dancer to focus on the goal, and smash Private Potato Salad first?
Or is he too much of a nuisance to leave alone?
Either way, don't let that Breaktrancer smack your group with his B-Boy Bonk next turn!

Processing map...
File: toots2bigboy.png (2.45 MB, 3782x1604)
2.45 MB
2.45 MB PNG
For info on DANCING, Refer to pic in >>5272534 or pastebin.com/R77Xbfye

Current HP and Dance effects are shown on the map. I may try to track this through text later.
I may also hide the rolls or put them all in an image later. Let me know what you think.


Hah, is that all they got? Maybe we got lucky and encountered the smallest force full of the most incompetent buffoons... It's a sure thing that these battles only get more difficult going forward...

But don't count your winnings before you've won, Pvt. Potato Salad is still unscathed!! Scathe her good and clear this map!!! Or just survive 3 more rounds of her assault... You got this!

>Begin Mutant Phase 2!!! Choose your moves and actions!! New Mutants, report in for duty before deploying!!

Next Disco Phase in 6-8 hours, get those orders in!
Rolled 3 (1d10)

The Iron Boot springs into action!

"Using my Atomic Weld boosted Basic Attack on the Breaktrancer would be a sure kill, but maybe I can provide more tactical value by targeting the stronger Safety Dancer..."
>Move 661
"I got you, Larry, you can stop gyrating and humping the air like a fool, now!"
>Toe-Step on Lightning Larry, freeing him from Popping and Locking, but taking away 1HP from him (17HP left on Larry).
"Now it's time to show you whippersnappers why you always fear old men in a profession like crimefighting..."
>Atomic Weld boosted Iron Stomp!!! (Basic attack roll is doubled, then a +5 mod is added)
"Eat this, Safety Dancer!! I'm gonna shove those Disco Biscuits where the sun don't shine!!! Wait, no, I bet you'd like that!"
Rolled 10, 2 = 12 (2d10)

>Activate THE QUESTION AND THE ANSWER to both mindfuck and damage the Safety Dancer into submission
>Move 665
>Basic Attack on the Breaktrancer.
>With the last remaining movepoint, Move 2

(First dice is for Safety Dancer damage, second is for Breaktrancer)
(3x2)+5 = 11 damage. Safety Dancer has 8/22HP left!
"Not my strongest Stomp, but he's reelin' now!!"
Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d6)

>Move 555
>Basic Attack Breaktrancer twice
It might be hard to play a flute while snapping my fingers, but that will only make the performance snappy! LAUGH.
19-10-11 = -2/22 HP - Safety Dancer is K.O.!!

(Changing your movement to 65 or 6654 rather than 665 so you are in Basic Attack range)

-2HP to Breaktrancer, 4/12 HP remaining!!

Hah... Hah... Hah...

Due to your Finger Snapping, you deal only 3 damage! The Breaktrancer snickers at you, escaping the ordeal with 1HP remaining!! Luckily, you are no longer afflicted by the filthy "Dance".

If only Cristal were similarly free from the Dance... Maybe she can just power through the effects?


Private Potato Salad still mocks us with a full 25 HP.

Can Larry and Cristal squash the last goon?
Will any more Mutant Moshers join this frantic fray?
How will The Iron Boot afford a funeral for his deceased mother?

Answers to all this and more coming soon!
Cracking sound is heard as crystals start covering Cristals body
>Crystalline armor
"well don't you look like your just asking for trouble"
> basic attack the Potato Salad
Rolled 2 - 2 (1d8 - 2)

(Rolling for your basic attack so I can prep the next turn, -2 mod from Finger Snapping)

Lightning Larry, if you're out there, know that the Breaktrancer can't inflict Dancing effects due to THEANSWERANDTHEQUESTIONWHATTHEFUCK?!!?!AAAAAHHHH!!!!, but his B-Boy Bonk can still smack 2 or 3 or 4 of you guys with a 1d8 damage while you're all clustered up! It's up to you to choose how to proceed.

New players interested in joining may do so at any time, refer to pastebin.com/R77Xbfye or the pics in these posts >>5272529 >>5272531 for the quick fill-in on how to play
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Action cutoff!

Mutant Phase 2... Processed!

We really smashed 'em up this turn!!

>Possible Rewards:
Completing Level 0 in 4 turns or less.......... +2 stat points
Defeating Private Potato Salad................... +1 stat point
Bonus for First Responders......................... +1 stat point

Processing Disco Phase 2, standby for Mutant Phase 3...
Rolled 2 (1d8)

Both remaining member of the Disco Division stand and deliver!!

Due to genius formation tactics, the imperiled goon can only hit Seneca and Larry with the B-Boy Bonk! Luckily it won't check for Dancing, since The Answer & The Question & The Needle & The Damage Done took care of that!

Brace for impact, you two, here comes the pain!!
Rolled 77 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

Private Potato Salad snakes Westward twice, then hits Seneca with another Basic Attack! Private Potato Salad had another weaker ranged attack with a different Dance, but she won't be able to use it!!

Fight off the Finger Snapping if you can resist, Seneca!!
Rolled 3 (1d10)

Fight, fight, fight!! Don't snap those fingers...!!!

Alas, it's useless. Even with a max roll of 29, you'd still be stuck snapping your fingers for 3 turns. Luckily it's only a -2 mod and not something more serious.

Now face the music and take the damage!

If the fucking leaf had gotten luckier and this roll was high, Seneca could've been dead, forever. It's that easy. Remember that in non-tutorial missions!! Protect the weak and tank out the beefy!
Sorry timezone differences are a bitch.

I'm staying where I am and using Photon Flashbang on Potatasalad
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No worries, unfortunately it's too late to hit the Photon Flashbang to any effect, but feel free to use it against the cad now in Phase 3, in case she keeps going after Seneca with her remaining goon! There's a real danger there!

And remember, you can perform up to 2 actions per turn! While you're in there, hit a Shocking Grasp or Basic Attack, too!

In more dire circumstances, other players or I may suggest actions to be used for any absent person's turn in pursuit of preservation of that Mutant or the mission/Moshers at large.


They're as ornery as cornered skunks now!

Take it to 'em!! Private Potato Salad still has full HP, but his only backup is left at 1HP!

Take the goon out, and the Boss's Basic Attack has no chance of killing Seneca, but will you be sacrificing the bonus if you fail to beat the Boss in time?

You're trying to formulate a plan, but the ruckus of Port Polka is intensifying and getting louder!!

From the distance more amps approach, all feedbacking flagrantly, and... Marching. Lots of haphazard marching footsteps.

You've got 2 or 3 turns until that army gets close and you've got to skedaddle. Get a jumpstart by defeating the zone's Boss! No matter what, you gotta survive!

The Iron Boot steps back to get his breath, and to let the young guns hound the fame, before making his own move.

>Begin Mutant Phase 3!! Make your marks, build your story, earn your glory!! Disco Phase 3 begins... in approx. 12 hours!!!
Rolled 5 (1d5)

I'm moving 4,5 and 6 and using my Photon Flashbang as well as a basic attack on the Breaktrancer
Rolled 2 + 3 (1d8 + 3)

>move 56
>Poison wave: Finger Snapping
>Crystal Claws: to Potato Salad
Rolled 2, 5 = 7 (2d6)

>Move 211
>Use Wicked Jeer on Potato Salad
Potato Salad? What are you, Irish? Scared of dancing all the food away? What a pleb!
>Basic Attack Potato Salad
Rolled 19 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>Use ULTRACORE on Potato Salad.
>Follow that up with a basic attack on him
>Move 1222 to get away from the action after that.
Rolled 6 (1d10)

here's the d10. keep forgetting you can only roll one dice type, whoops.
nice oneshot! can't wait for this to justify a steep increase in boss difficulty
17+4 = 21 (due to Fingersnapping)

It's not a one shot but holy shit is it close!
-5 HP from Larry's attack!
-3 HP from Cristal's attack!
-7 HP from The Bard's attacks!
-21 HP from Disco Foreteller's attacks!

Private Potato Salad is done for!!!!

Map 0 cleared!

>+4 Stat Points to all Mutant Moshers!!
Go ahead and spend these on your attributes now! Remember that 10 is the cap!

Maps get bigger and enemies get badder, maybe you need more Move? Invest in Spd! 2 SPD = 1 Move!
Future maps also get more populated with enemies, do you have enough HP? Invest in Dur!
What about attack power and resistance to dance? Don't forget about your Mag, Str and Cha stats!

Everyone should have a total of 14 distributed stat points before the deploying in the next mission. (You may only add points to an attribute, not subtract or move them around.)


The Iron Boot's stat upgrades:
DUR: 2 -> 3
STR: 5
MAG: 1
SPD: 0 -> 2
CHA: 2 -> 3


Okay, I maaayyyyy have to nerf ULTRACORE a bit after all (lower attack dice or increase Cooldown or HP loss) I feel kinda cheap doing it now so I won't change it just yet, especially since the battles and bosses only get more difficult from here on out!! You have been warned!


**Newcomers (if any) can have +1 to their stats for a total of 11 attribute points, so long as they type in all caps, "THANK YOU, FIRST RESPONDERS!"**
The Humorless Bard's stat upgrades:
DUR: 5 -> 7
STR: 0
MAG: 1
SPD: 0
CHA: 4 -> 6

I am humiliated that I succumbed to snapping my fingers, even for only a single turn. I must train to avoid this ever happening again.
If I had to personally pick something, increase the Cooldown and HP loss but keep the damage.

As for S T A T S?
DUR: 1 -> 2
STR: 0
MAG: 5 -> 6
SPD: 2
CHA: 2 -> 4

>Durability 2 -> 4
>Strength 2
>Magic 4 -> 5
>Speed 2
>Charisma 0 -> 1
Your ULTRACORE wish is my ULTRACORE command!

Cooldown is set to 2 turns, HP loss is set to 2, and the 1d20 damage remains!
(Next map should be dropping in an hour or two)
>Durability 6
>Strength 3 ->5
>Magic 1
>Speed 0
>Charisma 0 -> 2
Crystals are pretty and good looks affect to charisma right (even if said crystals are attached to reptile human hybrid and are mostly toxic)
i have no idea but now i should have good base resistance
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Here we go, Mutant Moshers, listen up!

We've broken out of the apartment building where Iron Mom died, rushed passed her corpse, and defeated one of the main culprits who caused her death in the first place.

But screeching speakers from the approaching Army scream so loudly, The Humorless Bard's ears begin to bleed!

We've got to get out of the city!!

Run, Mutant Moshers, run!!!!!!!!!!!

You can hear Lieutenant Limbo and his hit squad of Ballroom Blitzers coming for you...

(Picrelated, just the top row and Obstacles for this map)
The terrain here is much different than before, pay attention!! In addition to the mundane Rocky Road, which transfers no bonuses or penalties...
There is a patch of Jungle Jam in the West, which makes it easier to Resist a Dance when you stand in it!
Misty Mountain tiles also give you the same +10 Resistance against Dances, but watch out -- moving through one Misty Mountain tile costs 2 Movement Points!!
If you've got to traverse the map quickly, go through the path of least resistance (aka avoid Misty Mountain tiles)!
In the heat of the pursuit, our forces get completely scattered all over the map!!

To the north, Lt. Limbo and his main force look to hunt you through the streets, mountains and jungles if need be.

Hidden in the Lieutenant's low-hanging pocket are a pair of Breaktrancers, and Boom-Boxers are scattered around the field, accented with a few gargantuan Haka Hulks.

The Iron Boot realizes he's been separated from the main force of Mutant Moshers. "Drats..."

He calls out loud to the group, "reunite and dig in, Mutant Moshers!! We fight them here!! Leave not a single dancer, prancer, dasher or vixen standing!!!"

>It's Mosher Phase 1!! Deploy on a Pink Dino** and make your moves and actions!!
**Only one Mutant can deploy from any given Dino, pay attention to which ones your teammates deploy from, and where they land, of course!

We've got approximately... 5 or 6 hours, then the Division Phase begins!!

BATTLE THEME: youtube.com/watch?v=XphUURIAx5g

Updated Stat Blocks:
The Iron Boot - 23HP | 4 Move | Resist 25 | 1d10 basic attack
DUR: 3, STR: 5, MAG: 1, SPD: 2, CHA: 3

The Humorless Bard - 29HP | 3 Move | Resist 49 | 1d6 basic attack, Range 5
DUR: 7, STR: 0, MAG: 1, SPD: 0, CHA: 6

That One Static Electricity Guy (Larry) - 24HP | 4 Move | Resist 22 | 1d10 basic attack
DUR: 4, STR: 2, MAG: 5, SPD: 2, CHA: 1

Seneca, Disco Foreteller - 19HP | 4 Move | Resist 43 |1d11 basic attack
DUR: 2, STR: 0, MAG: 6, SPD: 2, CHA: 4

Crystalline Riptail (Cristal) - 29HP | 3 Move | Resist 21 | 1d10 basic attack
DUR: 6, STR: 5, MAG: 1, SPD: 0, CHA: 2

(Stats and a Mutant Power or two still need to be updated on the pastebin. That's coming later today.)
Crystalline Riptail and The Humorless Bard, having only 3 movement points, cannot move through 2 Misty Mountain tiles in one turn!!

Luckily, Poison Wave can get Cristal an extra Movement Point or two if she really needs to run, and her Crystalline Claws can reach out a solid 3 tiles!
The Humorless Bard is similarly blessed with his ranged attacks! But if he should need to run away, he could get easily cornered in the Misty Mountains! You've been warned!!

[The Iron Boot will deploy last and in the most isolated and inconvenient position, for lulz, mainly]
Rolled 7, 10 + 3 = 20 (2d10 + 3)

Do cooldowns carry over after finishing the map or are our abilities refreshed?

Anyway starting on six and moving 2,3,3 and using Shocking Grasp x 2 on the Boom-boxer
Rolled 6, 1 = 7 (2d6)

>Deploy on 8
>Move 2
>Basic Attack Boom-Boxer to North East
>Wicked Jeer on Boom-Boxer to the West
Shello, lobster man, we're here to *Lob* you out of here! Yours is a lost *Claws*! Be afraid!

We are severely outnumbered and they have some really scary enemies here. Unless something is going on that we don't see or they don't all immediately go for us for some reason, I find it hard to see us winning this.
All Cooldowns and HP are refreshed at the start of a new map

(With the Misty Mountain terrain, you can only move 2, 3 this turn unfortunately, but next turn you can move once onto a Misty Mountain tile and then twice on Rocky Road tiles! Watch out for the Boss and his Ballroom Blitzers, though, you may want to hide for a turn or two!)

You'll be out of this mountainous muck in no time. But for now, you're still well within range to smack that Boom Boxer into next week!

7+3 (Shocking Grasp)
10+3 (Shocking Grasp)
23 damage = 2/25 HP remaining on BoomBoxer closest to Lt. Limbo.

-20 Resist from Shocking Grasps, +10 from terrain. Net -10 Resist roll next turn.

Wow, what a lunkhead!! You just about gave him your best shot!! How did he withstand all that damage?! He's groggy though, you could blow on him and he'd fall over now!!

Did all the other Mutant Moshers deploy in the Jungle Jam and Rocky Roads, or was there another hero there to help him in the early goings?

Yes, harken to the south! The Humorless Bard jumps in and annihilates the Boom-Boxer by quite literally blowing on him! He's got quite the strong breath!!

He goes for a Wicked Jeer and bellows "Yours is a lost CLAWS!"

The Boom-Boxer thinks hard, hand on his hip and other on his chin. "I don't remember signing any contracts..."

"No, like cause! Lost cause, get it?"

The Wicked Jeer tickles the inside of the Boom-Boxer's brain, but barely does 1 damage.

Quick change to OBJECTIVE so we don't get stuck traversing mountains for 3 turns...

Instead of routing ALL enemies, you've got to rout 10 enemies (Just 9 to go!)

The enemy will ostensibly have to call off the attack after suffering such heavy casualties to a force less than half its size.

Protect each other and yourselves, you don't want to perma-die and start as a weaker Mutant!

>Possible Mission 1 Rewards:
Rout 10 enemies...........................+2 Stat Points
Defeat Lt. Limbo (optional)............+2 Stat Point
No Mutant Mosher deaths.............+1 Stat Point
???????........................................+1 Stat Point (Single Mutant only)(2 opportunities)
I should specify there are two Boom-Boxers in this, the first one killed by a basic attack and a second one tickled by a Wimpy Jeer
Oh crap, all this dark grey terrain was Misty Mountain? I've made a terrible mistake, I thought the actual Mountains on the map were Misty Mountains.
il write my moves soon but what is the range of poison wave as it is not written anywhere it seems to be 1
Those Ballroom Blitzers are also rather flimsy with just 17 HP, and they have a penchant for running right at you, even all the way from across the map. So they'll come to you, just prepare to wallop 'em when they do come, and you'll stack 4 easy kills.

Lieutenant Limbo, while being a high value target, still counts as only one kill.
Avoid him to have everyone stay alive easier, or kill him for the juicy +2 Stat Points at the end of the mission.
Some intel on this absolute beast of a limbo-man: He's got 35HP and a 1d16 basic attack that attacks all directions in Range 1. Yep, you read that right. And his special move, Limbo-Tango, auto-applies both namesake Dances to a Mutant Mosher within Range 5, with no chance of Resisting.

I knew that would happen, that's my fault and also kind of a limitation of the software I was using, they really limit terrain colors for the free version. Your posted move is still valid, though.
Poison Wave technically has infinite range and applies to all enemies.
If you use it once to prevent Limboing, no enemy can apply Limboing to any Mutant Mosher on the next phase. You also get +1 Move that turn.
If you use it twice to prevent Limboing AND Tangoing, those Dances CANNOT be inflicted on any Mutant Mosher next phase no matter what. You also get +2 Move that turn.
You could even act as a dance jammer by foregoing attacks, and just using Poison Wace twice every turn to prevent Lt. Limbo from ever applying Limbo or Tango to anyone. He can still pack a wallop with his attack dice, don't forget that, though. And his buddies can deal damage and infect you with other dances, too, so don't forget about them.
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>Deploy on #9
>Use ULTRACORE to target one of the two Breaktrancers. The one closest to me.
>Special Interaction: Use the threat of violence to try coercing the other Breaktrancer on our side.
Rolled 13 (1d20)


-8/12 HP.....K.O.!!!
-2 HP to Seneca, blood trickles down his/her nose

>Rout 10 enemies (just 8 to go!)

Rolling to convince the other Breaktrancer to join your side. Normally this would be nigh impossible, a 5% chance, but with your mighty display of ULTRACORE power, it's now a 10% chance. Rolls of 19/20 will convert the Breaktrancer for 3 turns. 1-18 will do nothing.
Rolled 9, 6 = 15 (2d10)

The Breakdancer defiantly refuses to listen to you!!

He makes it known with a wiggle and a floor-spin that he serves Supreme Commander Tango, Lieutenant Limbo, and the rest of the Disco Division!!


>The Iron Boot deploys on PD#2 and immediately moves SW, SW, E to confront the unscathed Boom Boxer!
>Basic Attack!
>Iron Stomp!

Next turn in ~3-4 hours, just waiting on new players to join and Cristal's move.
did you mean to deploy on PD#3, or perhaps for the E move to be SE? As it is, this puts you 1 hex out of melee range of the Boom Boxer
>for the E move to be SE
Yes! Thank you
I'll be asleep when the turn comes up so don't waste time waiting for me to act
>Deploy pd4
"Guess i just push through"
>Poison wave X2: Head banging and Finger snapping
>move 45
Right on, thanks for the heads up. I may or may not give this turn some extra time, depending how busy I am tonight, so you may have enough time to get it in.
This turn may last until/end around midnight PST before the enemy phase, or I may roll it over until noon PST tomorrow, so either 7-8 or 19 hours from this post, most likely.

All Actions are in, processing soon. Expect Turn 2 in about an hour.

Thanks everyone for helping save Port Polka! The Polkans (Polkites?) (Polkats?) (Polkacks?) (Polkers?) will thank you for your service as soon as you put an end to their maniacal dancing!!
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The Iron Boot and Cristal head away from the scary Haka Hulk-protected Jungle Jam, and venture into a Misty Mountain hop. The vet stomps away, puncturing the shell and the lung of the nearby. Cristal protects the entire squad by emitting two distinct types of toxic crystal reptile pheromones!! No would ever think of beginning to HEADBANG or FINGERSNAP next turn! Fugettabouttit!

The powerful Disco Foreteller knew that standing in place and following the doctrine of ULTRACORE would lead her/him(???) to victory. Xim/xer actually gets so cocky as to think they can sway an enemy to the Mutant Mosher side, and it almost works, until the remaining Breaktrancer sees that Seneca is all alone at the end of a Rocky Road, and she's easy picking if the main army decides to swoop in on her.

The Sour Grapes Humorless Bard (did I mention he's a traitor, also?) swoops in and takes all the credit for defeating a Boom-Boxer after Lightning Larry obviously put it most of the work, putting everything on the line to mildly shock his foe into a defeat. He'll be at a disadvantage should any dastardly dancer try to make him join them in their display of decay.

>Mosh Phase over!
>Divide Phase begins!

Here they come, and they mean business! Funky monkey business!!
(No stats displayed on this image, they will be in the next image)
Rolled 3 (1d8)

Boogie Down damage (Seneca loses this much HP)

Oh man, we never had a chance of running away! We're totally outnumbered on all fronts! This brawl could get ugly... Make sure Seneca is okay, they're all alone! The Disco Foreteller already has poor HP and is sacrificed 2HP to ULTRACORE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT BITCHASS BREAKTRANCER, YEAH HE GOT MURKED!!!

At least we've managed to cause a traffic jam and prevent Lt. Limbo from acting this turn!!

But we can't stop one of his Ballroom Blitzers from breaking formation to come straight for Seneca's throat!! Watch out!!!!!!

It's using it's Special Attack, Boogie Down!! It's going to try to make you do the Jitterbug!! That dance is like, sooooo antiquated, don't let it happen!
Rolled 97 (1d100)

Jitterbug Dance application roll!

This devilish dance will make your basic attack use Magic instead of Strength... Wait, you already do that! That's not so bad...

But it also gives you a -25 to resisting other Dances!
Rolled 9 (1d43)

Resist the Jitterbug with all your might, Disco Foreteller!!! You've got the second highest Res stat, that's gotta count for SOMETHING!

You're already at 75% HP and the Boom-Boxer near you is winding up for his attack next...

You gotta fight back!! You may even need help from a friend! But who?? Everyone is stitched in!!
Rolled 5 (1d12)


Seneca is dancing like a loon!

3 TURNS of no using STR and a -25 mod to Res!!

Luckily that won't even come in to play when the Boom-Boxer tries to make you Headbang!! The Crystalline Riptail's pheromones from her Poison Wave make it so that no one would be caught DEAD starting to Headbang this turn! What is it, the 80's??? (Anyone already Headbanging before Poison Wave would be stuck Headbanging, like a total L7)

His claw still has potential to hurt though, quite a bit in fact!!

The Disco Foreteller survives, for now...
Rolled 7, 6 = 13 (2d8)

On the central front, Lightning Larry is pelted by twin Ballroom Blitzers, one trying to get him to Interpretive Freestyle, the second one trying to get him to Jitterbug. Both take a chunk out of his HP!!
Rolled 55, 48 = 103 (2d100)

Seneca HP - 9/19, seriously guys, find a way to help or she may not last another round!

Larry himself is getting maimed though, with only 11/24 HP!! Beat a tactical retreat, Larry!

Now come those devilish Dance rolls!!
Rolled 10, 7 = 17 (2d22)

Larry's no slouch, he can defend himself!!

The dances are going to take him, the Jitterbugging hardly matters since he's a MAG main, but that Interpretive Freestyling is bad news!! Larry's never had to deal with fighting the urge to dance like this!!
Rolled 6 (1d20)

2 turns each on those Dances, champ. Ouch.

Don't worry about the Jitterbugging, it essentially won't affect you in any way now.

That Interpretive Freestyling... Thing... You're doing might make you do something entirely different than your command!

Continue entering your commands as usual, but QM will roll 1d4 for 2 turns, and if it's a 1, QM will control Lightning Larry and choose a wacky action for him to do.

C'mon Bard, Larry is risking his life for you! Help him out!
Or is helping the Disco Foreteller more pertinent?
A Catch 22 just for you, my friend!!

The relentless assault wraps up in the west as a lumbering Haka Halk charges at yours truly, The Iron Boot, with his basic attack, trying to get me to start River Dancing!! How preposterous!! But he can pack a fucking WALLOP!!
Rolled 25 (1d25)

Stunned, I try my best to resist degrading into a metal-clopping horse imitating an Irishman
Rolled 94 (1d100)

Wow, I did my best at resisting!


Sigh... But do I really even have a chance? I guess I should count my blessings, that Haka Hulk only cracked two of my ribs.
Rolled 8 (1d10)

Sigh... I tap my feet like a fucking madman for 3 turns, halving my movement and resistance. Great, now I only have 12 Res for this next assault, and can only move through the Misty Mountains one square at a time!!

Thank you Cristal for blocking both dances of the Boom-Boxers, at least I won't suffer a second dance (yet...)

Let's just hope this Boom-Boxer's Boomblast doesn't roast me too badly!!

...We made it out of the first round alive, lads! We did it!

>(Division Phase over, processing...)
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Three of our team members got rocked below half health on the very first turn. On the bright side, the other two are untouched.

We're in dangerous territory, boys, we gotta slay 8 more of these bucking beasts.

>Mosh Phase 2, go! Choose your actions and movements carefully if you want to live! Hell, you may not even have a say in this savage situation!

What a brutal turn!! QM may have to adjust the ULTRACORE BRUTALITY levels just a smidge! But will the madman do it? Fight back and find out!!
Shouldn't that boxer have come for me? I did taunt it. Even if it couldn't strictly reach me, surely it would use its movement to come towards me if there was nothing blocking it?
Rolled 6 (1d10)

Even when in danger, the Iron Boot won't let his buddies down. He'll smash through all these punks, drunks and skunks!

"There's no escaping the Haka Hulk, is there? Today may be my last stand, fellas..."

>Move SE, between the Boom-Boxers.
>Basic attack the jerk to the left of me
Hopefully this defeats him, because I'm not planning on biting the dust just yet.
>Perform an Atomic Weld on self.
My Atomic Stomp still won't be ready next turn, but a basic attack with a +5 mod can be just as nice!

"Bring it on, you brutes! Kill me if you can!!"
Larry! They're clumped up, now is the time for the Magnetizer! Don't worry about attracting them, just get behind me, I can take the hits!
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It's risky, but it could pay off big time!! Hey, wait just a minute! Are you just trying to put all the aggro on Larry?

Aw shit, good catch, and also thanks, stupid sucker- I mean lifelong friend and valiant hero.

Here's the updated affected section of the map.

Since I just stomped out the other Boom-Boxer, Cristal and I now outnumber the Hulk!

Larry, Seneca and The Humorless Bard are still in dire trouble, however!

>OBJECTIVE: Defeat 7 more enemies!!
>Are you just trying to put all the aggro on Larry?
Certainly not! That's why I told him to get behind me. If he does, only one of them will have the movement to reach him, if they survive our attacks that is.
Rolled 2 + 3 (1d10 + 3)

>move 6
>Crystalline shell
>Crystalline claws on hulk
"Stay behind me old man steelslippers"
Fuck, I forgot to get rid of that 4/25 Boom-Boxer. He's as dead as Disco. Well, he's as dead as Disco SHOULD BE.

A solid plan, if I do say so myself!

>Current gangbangs going on AKA SitRep:
"The Metal Bodyparts" gang up on the Haka Hulk, but that's the only good news we have. Not to mention, that Hulk could still absolutely demolish The Iron Boot next turn if he gets lucky.
"Larry Bard and the Fictional Vorpal Jabberwocky" is about to literally get screwed 6 ways to Sunday by Lt. Limbo's hit squad. (queer name for a team, I know, but The Humorless Bard came up with it, and you know how he gets about his creative license...)
The Loner Seneca doesn't even get a cool team name because he/she/it is all alone, and facing down two full HP foes. The Breaktrancer in the distance will likely try to go for Seneca as well. (Don't worry if you do die, Seneca, if you make a new character, I'll give them a bonus Stat Point for each of your previous kills. But you got this! Ah, ah, ah, ah stayin' aliiiive! Stayin' aliiiiive! Stayin' aliiiiIIIIIiiiiIIIIIvvveeeeeeee!!!!)

Lil' tipsy right now. It's BBQ day, fellas. Cheers!!!
Rolled 2 (1d2)

"Wha-? Oohhh, you dang whippersnapper!! Grr....... Th-thanks..."

The Haka Hulk brays and snorts, not the most intelligent creature in the Disco Division.

The Haka Hulk is clearly enticed by Crystalline Riptail's challenge, even though The Iron Boot is still within it's range.

But who is he truly aggro towards? (affects who he chooses as his target next turn)
1 - Crystalline Riptail
2 - Iron Boot
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage!" I can't help but yell out this random lyric while I Riverdance in place like a mental patient.

The Haka Hulk gets ready to sidestep Crystalline Riptail. The Iron Boot is too out in the open to avoid the pummeling.

That Haka Hulk has a 55% of killing me next turn... Truly all I can do is pray to RNGesus now.

Is this how The Iron Boot's story ends? And what of Seneca and Larry?
Rolled 7 (1d11)

>Basic attack against the Ballroom Blitzer
>SPECIAL INTERACTION: Attempt to use Rearranger to disorient, trip, or smash the Boomboxer into the damaged and possibly disorient Ballroom Blitzer by forcing Boomie all up in Blitzer's face.
>Move 1112

(Also I'm 99% sure I referred to Sen as a girl. Not like it matters if the next damage dice are nasty enough.
I had a feeling but was too lazy to research. Speaking of lazy, pastebin should be up to date by tomorrow morning.
>Not like it matters if the next damage dice are nasty enough.
Indeed. We shall see.

I'll roll/interpret the special interaction soon
It's true: >>5272934
>A formerly boring secretary who was willingly broken her mind
>Claims to be able to see the future by blasting harsh enough sound into her ears
>With harsh barks and bass, her prophetic authority force someone to move where she wants!
>The blood pouring out of her ears is simply the price paid to grant herself more power!
Rolled 7 (1d10)

Okay while I'm still sober:

-7HP from basic attack
-X?HP from Special Arrangements

Through using Rearranger in an atypical way, The Disco Foreteller is able to smash the much larger Boomboxer into the puny Ballroom Blitzer. It's unlikely (10%), but if it's a Crit, the Ballroom Blitzer is done-zo!! Let's roll and find out!
The Ballroom Blitzer near Seneca is at 3 HP!
Well, are you gonna help her out and slay that joker? (Are you even in range? Probably not.)
(We'll also say that the Boomboxer took 1 damage from the collision)
(I would be if I had Wicked Jeer off-cooldown, but it is not this turn).
Rolled 1, 2 = 3 (2d6)

>Basic Attack left-most Ballroom Blitzer twice
Extending this turn until noon PST tomorrow or maybe a few hours earlier. ~12-15hrs. left
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QM did a lie-zy wise-y! Let's continue.

Since everyone but Larry's actions are in, and we already have a good suggestion for him here >>5275411, we'll progress the battle.

Be warned, this round could be painful... Fret not, you can always create a new Mutant Mosher and deploy on a Pink Dino.


Unfortunately, Seneca is completely blocked in by goons and can't move the way she planned to!

>Processing Division Phase...
Rolled 11 (1d20)

The Haka Hulk enters the Misty Mountain and attempts to gore The Iron Boot with his basic attack.

Is this the end of the line for our leadfooted friend?

Even though we're Mutant Moshers, we're still only human...

The Iron Boot closes his eyes and...
Rolled 6 (1d12)


<<The Iron Boot dies. Forever.>>

No time for tears, we've got to put an end to the Disco Division. Keep fighting, that's an order!!!




Luckily, we can hear another Mutant Mosher who was lagging behind, rushing into the fray. Too late to save Maurice (The Iron Boot), but just in time... TO AVENGE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without a leader, the Mutant Moshers momentarily fall into disarray, but quickly bolster their spirits for the fight they are in.

(QM will create another character for next turn.)

The only remaining Boomboxer closes in on The Humorless Bard with a basic attack, and snips him with a nasty X damage!!

Oh, the humanity!!
Rolled 22 (1d49)

After enduring the strike, The Humorless Bard must resist Headbanging!! It's no longer outlawed by Cristal's Poison Wave!!

He's got the highest Resist of the group, will it count for something this time?
Let's find out! Resist the Dance if you can, you Disco Division reject!! (Something tells me he's not too worried...)
Rolled 6, 5 = 11 (2d8)

Before The Humorless Bard can think, two Ballroom Blitzers surround him and hit him with two Basic Attacks, trying to get him to Interpretive Freestyle!

First come the damage die...
Rolled 20, 81, 33 = 134 (3d100)

(Forgot to roll, woopsie. 1 is Headbang, 2 and 3 are Freestyle. Freestyle resist rolls coming next)

The Bard takes a massive 17 damage!! He's only got 6HP left!!

(I gotta do something to prevent this from being a total sweep. Next round, only a few enemies will act.)
Rolled 43, 11 = 54 (2d49)

Headbanging: Completely resisted!!

Rolling for resisting freestyles. Looks like you'll be affected for certain...
Rolled 3 (1d4)

Will Larry's actions go through, or is he too caught up in Interpretive Freestyling? (Forgot to do this before entering enemy phase)

(Bard is Freestyling for 2 + 2 = 4 turns now. Act normally, and we'll see if your actions go through, just like this post.)
Rolled 5 (1d10)

Larry was able to fight the urge to dance and deliver a wicked Magnetizer to all the surrounding enemies!! (3 Ballroom Blitzers and a Boss)

They all receive X damage!!

Larry then retreats, where he is accosted by one of the pursuant Ballroom Blitzers!!
Rolled 2 (1d8)

He's already got less than half HP, can he survive?!

They're trying to extend his Interpretive Freestyling duration with another basic attack!!

Good thing Larry has a friend like The Humorless Bard, who totally saved him from getting killed this turn!!
Rolled 10 (1d22)

Is Larry afflicted with more Int. Freestyling?
Rolled 30 (1d100)

(Shit, I've been forgetting the +10 resistance from terrain...)

Larry's real roll value is 20. It's meager, but can it top the Dance roll?
Rolled 1 (1d8)

The Ballroom Blitzers manage to continue blocking Lieutenant Limbo from the fray, much to his chagrin.

Now, we see if Seneca survives...

A basic attack from a Ballroom Blitzer!
(Of course she can...)

But what about an additional basic attack from the Boom-Boxer?!
Rolled 8 (1d12)

The Ballroom Blitzer makes a big whiffing noise!!

But don't laugh too hard, here comes the bully Boom-Boxer!!

(Larry Freestyles for 1 more turn.)
Well, things are going great for us

Just barely dies...

What a tragedy...

<<Seneca, Disco Foreteller, is dead, dead, dead, dead.>>

(Don't be discouraged! Please feel free to make a new Mutant Mosher with 13 Stat Points and 3 new Mutant Powers, or ask me to create one for you, and deploy on one of the three Pink Dinos and act immediately next turn. Powers will be worked out on the fly to keep the flow, if you do choose to continue. Thank you for playing.)

The Breaktrancer continues moving in on the squad.

Ehh, losing 40% of your team, that's not so bad.

(First time running this system, sowwy!! But you and I are dead as fuck, Seneca. There's no changing that now. As I mentioned previously, only about half of the enemies will have initiative to attack next turn. Humorless Bard called it >>5275057)
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Okay wow, this map looks terrifying.

>Do your best to withstand just one more full Turn, or rout 2 more enemies... And we'll call it a victory/completion of the objective.
Just so all of our guys don't die. Maybe they will anyway. Fuck, my bad, guys. I'm still learning.

Looks like our best bet to save our friends includes Larry and the Bard focusing on the already weakened Ballroom Blitzer, and perhaps having a new Mutant come in and finish them.

If that happened, the mission would be complete if and when another Mutant were to appear where Seneca died on the Rocky Road and avenged her by slaying that severely maimed Ballroom Blitzer, but we've only got one shot at that... Gotta make it count.

Cristal, it looks like you may be a little too far away to make many meaningful moves, I suggest Special Interactions and/or Poison Waves!

>Mutant Phase, go!! Smash some Disco dorks, or protect your necks real good!
(Iron Boot and Disco Foreteller may create new characters and re-join.)
(QM will create a new character in the morning, I'm going to sleep now. Next phase in about 12-13 hours. Thanks everyone for playing, hopefully I didn't scare you away by killing your beloved characters with a way-too-brutal Mission 1.)
Rolled 50 (1d100)

With magnetizer still on cooldown I've gotta hope I manage to resist the urge to freestyle and successfully land 2 shocking grasps on the blitzer
Rolled 4, 1 + 3 = 8 (2d10 + 3)

Honestly no idea if that was enough but here is my attack roll anyway
50/100 = 2/4, I'll allow it, that's a pass

I must shleep, though.
*The Blitzer nearest you is now at 3HP. The Humorless Bard oughta be able to finish him off easily with a pair of basic attacks now!
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Okay, now I'm REALLY going to sleep. Crossing my fingers hoping I get at least 5 full hours.

Shit guys, I'm sorry, when I was updating the map I forgot to subtract 5HP from the central cluster of enemies from Magnetizer.

That Ballroom Blitzer should be dead now. Shocked and magnetized to a crisp.

>NEW OBJECTIVE: Survive one more enemy phase, or defeat one more enemy

Studying the map and everyone's abilities, it seems as though it's likely up to new Mutant Moshers (QM, HARDCORE, or a new player) to spawn on the Pink Dinos and kill another goon real quick. That one in the East is particularly vulnerable. Don't forget that you can suggest ranged Mutant Powers for your Mutant.

The Humorless Bard and Crystalline Riptail would be hard pressed to find a way to defeat another goon this turn since the goons nearby are so beefy. They'll need to be extremely creative with Special Interactions to influence the end of this battle, or it's likely that more of our friends will die.

It's up to the Special Interactions of the living, or the fresh Actions of the new Mutant Moshers.

(In the next maps I have written/saved already, I'll go back and reduce enemy density, since it only gets thicker from here. I must admit I expected at least 2-3 more players. I'm not disappointed though, since I'm already fudging up here with 5 players, myself included. I'm grateful I don't have a dozen commands to mess up. I'm also grateful all of you are sticking with the quest so far. I'm sure there are a lot of things that could be ironed out or improved.)

R.I.P. Seneca, Disco Foreteller
R.I.P. Maurice, The Iron Boot
>I try ram the hulk into building on my left side
>and Poison wave: him to crystallize him an the wreckage into one neat lawn ornament.
If this is not allowed
>Poison wave x2 finger snapping and jitterbugging while moving towards electronic danceparty in middle.
(also I have no idea what to roll)
ps: fuck captcha
>Use Showtime Staunchness
Finally, you fools give me the attention I deserve! Cower before our might, and witness how your futile attacks fail to deter me! Now, bear witness to my *proper* music!
>Use Revolting Refrain
>I must admit I expected at least 2-3 more players
This is why you shouldn't populate enemies before you know how many players you have. But it's otherwise been handled pretty well.
Rolled 2, 6 = 8 (2d9)


>His PALEDRIVER allows him to send an enemy through the pale, damaging them and pushing it somewhere far away.
>His FREQUENCY COMPRESSOR overrides the brains of anyone within the powerful radio frequencies. It's hard to move or attack when it's up.
>His RAREFIED PAST reminds those around him of the better days. The days before Disco. Motivating those against disco or freaking out those for disco.
>DUR: 4, STR: 4, MAG: 0, SPD: 4, CHA: 1

The Humorless Bard does his best to mend the situation, and heals himself for an impressive 14HP!
He also removes the Dances maladies afflicting Lightning Larry.

To the West, Crystalline Riptide goes mano e mano with a Haka Hulk, and locks horns...

In the East, the remnants of the Disco Division's forward army are trying to regroup so they can rout the rest of us when...

It's a mutated bird!
It's a mutant plane!

Palewalker - 25HP | 5 Move | Resist 20 | 1d9 basic attack
Born and broken in the Realm of The Shattered Mirror, the Palewalker is a disturbing freak who runs around making people want to visit a tanning salon after just one look at his blinding paleness.
Paledriver, Cooldown 2. Perform a basic attack with a +2 mod on an enemy in an adjacent space (Range 1), and yeet it to any tile of your choice in Range 8!!!
Frequency Compressor, Cooldown 1. Choose an enemy anywhere on the map and flip a coin. If it's Tails (1), the enemy can't move next turn. If it's Heads (2), the enemy can't move OR ACT next turn.
Rarified Past, Cooldown 0. Use on an ally to remove one Dance effect - Unlimited Range for status heals. OR Use it on an enemy to do a guaranteed 3 damage - Range 3 for attacking.
DUR: 4, STR: 4, MAG: 0, SPD: 4, CHA: 1
(Let me know if you want to tweak any of the Mutant Powers)

The Mutant Mosher sprints in, pokes the Ballroom Blitzer on the shoulder, and as soon as he turns around, gives him a two-piece and a biscuit!!

The Ballroom Blitzer's head gets punched inside of his chest!!!

At just that moment. Lieutenant Limbo was watching, and falters in his march. Without missing a beat, a familiar noise sounds - Supreme Commander Tango's Boogie Bugle. Lieutenant Limbo beats a stylish, funky retreat with his remaining troops... Something tells me we haven't seen the last of the Limbo Legion...

Map 1 cleared!

>+4 Stat Points to all Mutant Moshers!
Go ahead and add these to your characters now or before deploying in... Map 2!!!
(Note: After Map 2 is Map 3. After Map 3 is the likely Final Map. So we've got 3 more missions planned)
(QM will create his new Mutant now with 14 Stat Points. He's going to be the weakest Mosher statistically, but maybe he'll have some tricks up his sleeve that can help the group anyway...)
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After many hours of fleeing through the Jungle Jam to escape any pursuers, the Mutant Moshers find a sanctuary in the middle of the Jungle. Unlike all the other monkeys in the jungle, the apes inside the sanctuary don't dance or hoot and holler.

"Fur is disgusting... Eyuck. At least they're not flinging their..." -Cristal

The Palewalker wonders aloud how monkeys taste, perhaps paired with roasted brussel sprouts and a chilled red wine, maybe even sangria. This freaks everybody out, even the zen gorillas.

While Lightning Larry continues playing with the chimps, The Humorless Bard, a reject of the Disco Division steps forward in awe, "Incredible... Supreme Commander Tango mentioned such places, but I thought he was telling tall tales..."

The discovery is interrupted by a silence in the jungle, a cessation of all animal noises except for the chorus of loud bugs... Then, screeching feedback spills all over the jungle, making birds fly away and mammals cover their ear holes.

In the distance, Master Sergeant Stanky Legg picks up a microphone and spits: "Yo, suckaz, me and my Dagga Drivers iz finna finnnnnnd youuuu!!! You can't hide from us in these trees forever! Mutant Mosherssssss... Come out and plaaaayyyyyy-ayyyyyy..."

BATTLE THEME: youtube.com/watch?v=3eptYFzs5aY

The Humorless Bard curses. "No... They've tracked us here, and we led them right to this sanctuary!!! We gotta fight them off! Don't let them destroy this bastion of peace and tranquility!! The solution to stopping the Disco Division very likely lies inside this very sanctuary!! We need time to research it, though..."

Map 2 drops and Mosh Phase 1 begins... Right now!!

Deploy and make your moves/actions before the first Disco Phase in... ~6 hours!

>OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE 5 TURNS (Maybe 4? We'll play it by ear)

(You're familiar with Jungle Jam, Misty Mountain and Obstacles, >>5274992 and now we've got two new types of terrain, Cool Water and Health Patches!! Cool water will halve your offensive rolls, bummer, stay out of there! Health Patches on the other hand, give you +5HP if you end your turn there! They are in particularly precarioous placements, however...)
>DUR: 4
>STR: 4 -> 6
>MAG: 0
>SPD: 4 -> 6
>CHA: 1

Rolled 4 (1d11)

>Deploy in Pink Dino #12
>Move 11165 to the lobster asshole/Boom Boxer.
>Smash him in the teeth with a basic attack.
>Activate FREQUENCY COMPRESSOR and target the Ballroom Blitzer. Letting the QM flip the coin here.
Rolled 1, 7 = 8 (2d8)

The Humorless Bard's stat upgrades:
DUR: 7 -> 8
STR: 0
MAG: 1 -> 3
SPD: 0
CHA: 6 -> 7

>Deploy at 1
>Basic Attack the Break Trancer twice
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Coin go FLIP

When Wally was a boy in school, none of his teachers could teach him English or even sign language, so they put him in a special needs class, where he ate toxic paste that seeped from the walls. Every day for several years. The janitor has since been fired. This prolonged freak accident permanently gave his voice the haunting timbre of a young beluga whale alone and detached from his pod. Girls think he's dreamy but he can't communicate with them. He can get suck jobs from a starfish at a moment's notice, though. Jealous?

Wally of the Whalevoice - 22 HP | 4 Move | Resist 17 | 1d11 basic attack
Croon, Cooldown 0! Remove all dances afflicting allies in Range 1. If performed in a Cool Water hex, Wally also gains +3HP.
Reject Society, Cooldown 1. +50 mod to Resist against Dances for 1 turn. Any enemy that damaged Wally this turn suffers double damage from Wally next turn.
Sperm (Whale) Blast, Cooldown 3! Shoot a 1d8 beam at a hex cluster (one hex and all hexes in Range 1, like a honeycomb shape. 7 total affected hexes) Range 5.
DUR: 3, STR: 2, MAG: 6, SPD: 3, CHA: 0
Rolled 1 (1d11)


>Wally of the Whalevoice deploys on Pink Dino 9
>Move 3 4
>Basic attack the Boom-Boxer
>Activate Reject Society
>Move 6 6 to land on the Health Patch.
Changing Croon. Instead of +3 HP, performing Croon on Cool Water will also remove any Dances from Wally himself, in addition to any allies in the 6 adjacent hexes.
why you gotta powercreep me bro :P
>Durability 4 ->5
>Strength 2
>Magic 5 ->7
>Speed 2
>Charisma 1 ->2

Deploy 3. Move 1,6. Shocking Grasp on breaktrancer and if that isn't enough basic attack as well.

>Finally, I'll get to finish one of these bastards off and in front of my chimp friends even
you can't move through obstacles, and even if you could, your movements don't put you adjacent to the breaktrancer.
Neither of those forest take up more than 50 procent of a tile but you're right on one thing I meant boom boxer
Hahaha! Yours is Range 2 though! That's 3 times as many tiles as mine! We'll add a self-dance heal to yours as well, whenever you're standing on Disco Inferno tiles (present in the last two maps)
Rolled 4, 6 = 10 (2d12)

I'll add the key back to the next map.

I believe the correct numbering would be 6 5, if you intend to move west then southwest, but yes, it's clobbering time! And Larry is looking buff! He's close to maxing out his basic attack die!!
(+3 mod applies to Shocking Grasp, the first roll only)
Your move is 1,6 AKA NorthWest and West, which puts you in the middle of the forest. And if you wanted to target the boom boxer, you would have to approach from a different angle, since Palewalker is standing where you want to approach from.

Yes and mine has a cooldown of 2 compared to your cooldown of 0, that's rather significant.
Rolled 8 + 1 (1d12 + 1)

>DUR: 6 ->7
>STR: 5 ->7
>MAG: 1 ->2
>SPD: 0
>CHA: 2

>deploy pd4
>move 665
>Crystalline shell
>Crystalline Claws: on boom boxer
.... messed up
>deploy pd8
>move 333
and then assault the boom boxer if possible
>Palewalker is standing where you want to
Good catch, I haven't been critically following every move just yet. We can put Larry in the Misty Mountain though, still in range to attack.
Good point. To give the original move the edge, any time you use Revolting Refrain, I'll kiss my dog on the forehead and tell her she's a good girl. Promise. +1 turn Cooldown to Croon also makes sense.

>Mutant Mosh Phase 1 complete.
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Rolled 11 (1d12)

(rolling Cristal's basic attack on the Eastern Boom-Boxer. Also, her +1 mod turns to +3 since she is in Range 1 now.)

New Tokens:
Palewalker - Purple Devil
Wally of the Whalevoice - Orange Anchor
Sanctuary - Black House (temporary ally)

The Sanctuary is treated as an ally with no moves or actions, and is immune to Dance. It has 33HP and like any ally, we can move through it, but we cannot land on top of it.

And if we can keep it above 0 HP, we'll get a fat bonus.

The real challenge comes in the fact that it's the target of the enemy. They are extremely likely to be aggro towards it instead of a Mosher.

Survive 4 or 5 turns.........+4 Stat Points
Sanctuary Survives.........+3 Stat Points
No casualties...................+1 Stat Point
Defeat Stanky Legg.........+1 Stat Point

>Processing Division Phase 1...
(please ignore how bad this image looks)

Here comes a good handful of the bad boys!!
Rolled 6 (1d12)

(^sanctuary loses this much HP)

(I forgot to add Cristal's token)

Cristal smacks the Boom-Boxer for 22 damage!! If only Whaleboy could hit more than 1 damage!!

The Boom-Boxer has 2HP left and boy, is he crabby!

It's not so upset that he won't ignore his soon-to-be killers, and goes straight in for the Sanctuary with a Basic Attack!! Oh no!!!
Rolled 3 (1d4)

The southern Ballroom Blitzer is stuck in another frequency!! He can't move at all!! But the northern Ballroom Blitzer is a track star!! He runs through the northern Cool Waters to strike at the heart of the Sanctuary, but upon seeing the traitorous, ugly mug of The Humorless Bard, he stops short in his stride and strikes out at the Bard!

What a foolish goon, he's still in Cool Waters! His attack die will be halved, not to mention The Bard gets a +10 mod to his already stout Res roll because he's in the Jungle Jam!
Rolled 24 + 10 (1d60 + 10)

Bard's Res roll
Rolled 29 (1d100)

The Bard takes the 3 damage on his square jaw.

Will he begin Interpretive Freestyling in response to the infectious grooves of the Blitzer's attack?
Rolled 2 (1d4)

Of course he doesn't succumb to such a puerile form of bodily articulation. He's a GENTLEMAN.

You hear Major Sergeant Stanky Legg call out to his men over the loud speakers rigged throughout the Jungle Jam: "Dagga Drivers, hold! Let the other forces wear them down first..."

One lone Dagga Driver doesn't get the message, and looks to make a name for himself, but gets stuck traversing the Misty Mountains in the southeast.

Picking up his slack in east is a Safety Dancer, who moves 6665 and uses his Disco Biscuit Launcher to try to get Cristal Limboing!! That's a huge debuff if it takes hold, and it only gets worse if she is afflicted with a second Dance afterward! The damage kind of just... Tickles...
Rolled 7 (1d8)

Oh no, we let the Breaktrancer in!! He's gonna hit the Sanctuary and the Bard with a B-Boy Bonk!!!
Rolled 49 + 10 (1d60 + 10)

The Bard must defend himself once again from the physical insult to humanity known as Interpretive Freestyling.
Rolled 58 (1d100)

A formidable resist!

It's a big hit, though!!! After 2 hits, the Sanctuary is at 20/33 HP!! The Humorless Bard is at 21/31 HP!!

Continue to circle the wagons!!
Rolled 3 (1d4)

The other Breaktrancer in the Southwest moves towards the fray, but gets stuck in the Mountains.

It's a similar but reversed story for the Northern Boom-Boxer, who approaches but cannot get in range to throw a claw yet.

To round off Turn 1, the Western Safety Dancer exits the mountains and enters the Jungle Jam to his Northeast. He's coming for us!! He shoots his Disco Biscuit Launcher at Palewalker!!!
Rolled 23 (1d24)

C'mon, resist the urge to Dance, buddy! You don't want to start Limboing, trust me!! It's like waaayyyy harder to fight when your body is at a 90 degree angle!!!!!
Rolled 40 (1d100)

You try your inhumanly hard to resist breaking into a Limbo, even though this jungle is HOT! HOT! HOT!

You try so hard, but you Limbo for 1 turn anyway, it's just too tempting and all the bad guys look like they're having so much fun while Dancing...
(-6 to all rolls for 1 turn!!!)

Turn 1 ends. Turn 2 in the works...


(New Mutant Moshers will have to enter far to the North or South now)
Bard Resists 2 Dances by 5 and 1. Very impressive, sir troubadour.

Rolled 77 (1d100)

(forgotten Limbo roll for Cristal)
Rolled 15 + 10 (1d23 + 10)

(and her no-longer forgotten Resistance roll. unfortunately it's a sure thing, but is it 2 or 3 turns?)
(Let me know if you see any idiosyncrasies)

We've got some severely weakened foes inside the compound, and some fresh ones trying their damnedest to get in. Let's patch up the holes!!

(NOTE: OBSTACLES ADDED. Two more patches of trees added in the east and one more patch in the south central - due to lower player count than anticipated and/or poor map design.)

Don't be afraid to utilize the Health Patches, but mind the enemies coming in to attack! Positioning is very important in this mission if you want to max your stat bonuses!

>MUTANT MOSHER PHASE 2... GO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rolled 5 (1d5)

Unexpectedly, the pacifistic, non-Dancing apes in the Sanctuary begin conducting repairs! It appears they can do this once per turn!

The Sanctuary heals X HP!
(A map would help, I assume.)

Santuary: 25/33 HP
Get your moves and actions in, Disco Phase 2 comes in 7-8 or 15+ hours.
(Around 10/11 PM PST tonight or 6-10 AM PST tomorrow morning)
"oh i will turn that launcher into scrap metal come here you"
>move 32
>Poison wave: finger snapping
>attack safety dancer
Rolled 12 (1d12)

Rolled 6 (1d8)

(Boom-Boxer and Breaktrancer assaulting the Sanctuary lose this much HP each)

Even with Riptail's stellar efforts, it's still insanely difficult to hurt someone while you're Dancing the Limbo!! Still, she bashes the Safety Dancer fiercely! She also blocks off the Eastern entry to the Sanctuary singlehandedly.

"Way to go, Cristal!" Wally waves and says to Crystalline Riptail, but all that comes out is a muffled, nearly inaudible whale scream.

Cristal looks over, flicking her poisonous bio-crystal bangs. "Are you trying to, like, talk to me? Like, ick, what-EVER!!"
Rejected again...

There's always the starfish...

Wally of the Whalevoice attempts to secure the Sanctuary by unleashing his most taxing and impressive move...

The Sperm Whale Blast!!

Wally would like to say aloud, "Great Spermo of the Depths, guide my blowhole!!!!"

But all that comes out is a large spritz of toxic paste-like seafoam, accompanied by the tortured hums of the whalefolk, counteracting the frequencies of the music and dealing X damage to the goons assaulting the Sanctuary!!

>Sperm Blast on the hex NW, NE (1, 2) from me
I could save Cristal from the Limbo, but I may be jeopardizing our other defenses... I'll have to leave her be, she looks tough. I'll go patch up the North with The Humorless Bard, the West looks sturdy, and the South seems clear but maybe a little vulnerable...
>Move NE, NW, NW (2, 1, 1)
>Basic Attack the Ballroom Blitzer
Rolled 9 (1d11)

The two enemies in the center have been slain!!

Rolling basic attack against the Ballroom Blitzer now.
Rolled 1, 2 = 3 (2d8)

>Basic Attack Ballroom Blitzer twice
>Move 66
"Wally, do you think you could help support Crysti after this Blitzer goes down? I'm sorry she turned you down, but I'd like to use my ability to cleanse filthy dance moves from multiple people to the West. What do you think?"
Rolled 5 + 3 (1d11 + 3)

{40185120} Oh, baby...I want you like a bullet in the...{Hhhzzzz...Hhzzzz...} S-S-S-S-SPEEDFREAKS FM! {48501521....Hhhzzzz...bzzzzz...}
>Use RAREFIED PAST to knock Crystalline Riptail out of limboing
>Punch the Boomboxer in the teeth to soften him up for Larry.
>Move 2344 to guard one of the enterances to the Sanctuary.
...you know, I kind of expected the Blitzer to die this turn, but man I guess I really am prone to low rolls.
Wait, meant to make it a -6, but I forgot they don't do minuses. That attack did...no damage. Eh, had to at least try (and using paledriver would've only made it 2 damage, not worth it.)
"Don't worry, we're blocking off the Blitzer from the sanctuary, he has no chance of breaking through us. He's not so tough on his own. He's only got 5HP, left, too, if we're lucky, that's a one-shot. Since the North is locked down now, I should be able to help Cristal out in the West.

My Blast move is going to be on Cooldown for a while, but if enemies cluster up again, I'll set them straight with the help of my god, Spermo!"

No one understands what the FUCK Wally is trying to say, as he only emits nightmarish subsonic groans and cries.
Nevermind, Palewalker already freed Cristal!
As for your own Limboing, Palewalker, at least you're freed from it already.

Our team is officially free from all Dances!! We can focus on attacking now!
<<<<Disco Phase 1 and Mosh Phase 2 will drop in about 8-12 hours.>>>>
A half-whale-half-man's gotta sleep.

"Thanks everyone for sticking to my poopdeck and starboard like a barnacle so far," Wally tries to say, but all that comes out is a plea for help in an alien language unrecognizable and undecipherable to both mankind and whalekind's greatest scientists.
Just woke up, will probably update in a few hours. Larry, if you can see this, you still have some time. If not, don't worry.
Rolled 9, 1 + 3 = 13 (2d12 + 3)

I got the bug to update now, so I'm going to act for Larry real quick:

>Shocking Grasp x2 on the Boom-Boxer
>Move 123
Larry knocks him out the box!!

The Dagga Drivers get the order from Stanky Legg to descend upon the Mutant Moshers.

Here they come!!

>Processing Disco Phase 2...
Rolled 7 (1d8)

(^ Larry Bard and the Fictional Vorpal Jabberwocky each lose this much HP)

(Nerfing the Ladder Dive Special Attack for Dagga Drivers. 1d25 is ridiculously overpowered. Nerfing to a still-dangerous 1d18. It's got a 3 turn cooldown, so the mission will be cleared before any Dagga Driver can perform that move twice.)

The Ballroom Blitzer in the South is no longer paralyzed from being stuck in the wrong frequency!!

He runs straight up to Larry and gets some comeuppance for his fallen Boom-Boxing buddy!

The Humorless Bard gets caught in the Boogie Down blast!! Will they succumb to the Jitterbug??

Rolled 16, 63 = 79 (2d100)

It's a slobberknocker of an attack!!

First roll - Barry
Second roll - Lard
Rolled 13 + 10 (1d60 + 10)

Bard's res roll
Rolled 4 + 10 (1d33 + 10)

Larry's res roll

The Bard absolutely refuses to dance, why do they even try with him anymore?

Larry... Bursts out into a vivacious Jitterbug!!!
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Rolled 7, 2, 12, 14, 7 = 42 (5d18)

Larry gets off by the skin of his teeth, Dancing for only 2 turns instead of 3.

Here comes the whirlwind... If we can repel this attack, we've got this battle in the bag.


Where did they find those ladders?? They just carry them around in battle??

"Ahhhhhh, we're getting humped!!!"

The Dagga Drivers descend on up with their insane Ladder Dives. This enriching cultural Dance could be deadly, hopefully reinforcements arrive if anything happens to us...

First and second rolls vs. Cristal
Third roll vs. Sanctuary
Fourth roll vs. Palewalker
Fifth roll vs. Larry

Only 3 other enemies attack this round, the Ballroom Blitzers and the Western Safety Dancer, mostly targeting the Sanctuary.
Rolled 48, 34, 4, 41 = 127 (4d100)

Dance dice against Cristal, Cristal, Palewalker, then Larry
Rolled 22, 23 + 10 = 55 (2d23 + 10)

Resist those Dances! Don't start Popping and Locking, now!!
Rolled 4 (1d33)

Palewalker auto-beats a 4 since he's got the +10 Res mod from Jungle Jam.

Larry starts Popping and Locking in addition to the Jitterbug! Oh no!!
Rolled 6 (1d6)

Cristal and Larry both descend into Popping and Locking for 2 turns.

Safety Dancer attacks the Sanctuary
Rolled 5 (1d8)

The crippled Northern Ballroom Blitzer goes straight for the heart, ignoring the Mutant Moshers and running straight to the Sanctuary for a basic attack!
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(Woops, already rolled the Southern/Western Ballroom Blitzer here >>5277622)

The enemies' attack is over... We... Survived? Excellent! But boy oh boy is this situation getting stickier and stickier...

We could always flee from the Sanctuary and live to fight another day... But what will be lost if we run? The North would be a good direction to retreat towards, if we decide to go that route.

Every Mosher must choose for himself, but also work as a team.

>Processing Updated Map with HP and Dances...
>Please standby, I may take a food/smoke break while updating...

Note to self: Bard heals 5HP from the Health Patch
wait did you change the map again i was in the chokepoint last turn
Good catch, thank you. I accidentally removed the Tree Obstacles without noticing. I believe you should be in the same hex, but there is a patch of trees or two missing nearby. This should have prevented the Safety Dancer's posted movements and attack. Fixing that. Gonna have to reexamine the southern Dagga Driver too, he may have been affected by the Obstacles.

Next update should be dropping in 1-3 hours, got caught up doing housework
Rolled 5 (1d5)

Two more Safety Dancers appear in the Southwest, packing Disco Biscuit Launchers!!

The Disco Division really won't rest until everyone is Dancing! (They probably won't even stop then!)

The unbearable din of the battlefield gets slightly more unbearable, as a few more radios join the fight.

There are a dozen different rap artists, rock bands and opera ensembles - all vying for supremacy from max-cranked speakers.

Rolling for Sanctuary's Turn 2 Repairs.
Rolled 188, 278, 30, 283, 37, 276, 195 = 1287 (7d300)

>Random Event:
The tranquil apes were prepared for war after all, and they run across the Jungle Jam to scatter up to 7 traps across empty tiles randomly along the map!! The traps will not deploy if the rolled hex already has an enemy, ally or Obstacle on it.
Enemies cannot see the traps and will move normally, but if they cross a hex with a trap at any point in their movement, they will suffer 3 damage and their turn will end on the hex.

Math on the rolls: 300 hexes total.
1-15 = top row, left to right.
16-30 = second row, left to right.
286-300 = last row, left to right.
...What, you don't have 300 sided die at home?
(You cannot trigger the traps and can stand on top of them without penalty.)
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Say, are there reinforcements coming from the bridges in the East and South?

>From now on, any new Mutant Moshers are created with 15 starting Stat Points! If you need to Make-A-Mutie, don't forget their 3 Mutant Powers.


(Safety Dancer's earlier attack on Sanctuary is negated as he is out of range. He takes no other action.)

The thick muscles of the tranquil apes have gone slack, and they fumble every single throw. Two traps land in the thick tree lines and the other five land mostly in the Misty Mountains where it is unlikely the enemies will tread through... Oh well! We got this, we didn't need the help anyway. They begin to muster the rest of their traps for a second pass next turn, but is it too little, too late?

The Sanctuary is safe from the North for this turn, there's no need to patch it up with other more pressing matters like the East and Southwest.

As it stands, Cristal is holding off the East all by herself. She's a fucking tank, but she could use some relief. She's also Popping and Locking.
There is a veritable horde of foes marching in from the West. Stanky Legg leads from the back. In the face of this threat, Larry blends the Jitterbug and Popping and Locking, to the great amusement of the enemies.

Can we continue using the terrain to our advantage?
Can we utilize the Popping and Locking Dance against our enemies, or will we reactively try to stop Dancing, and expose Larry and Cristal to attacks?

REMINDER >>5272534
Popping and Locking might prevent your actions, keep that in mind as you choose your movement and actions. QM will roll a secondary set of Dance V. Resist rolls to see if you overcome this strange Dance.


The terrifying sound of Supreme Commander Tango's Boogie Bugle sounds again, cutting through all other sounds - it's another retreat, we're saved!!

Stanky Legg cranks up his amp and grabs his mic again, commanding his men to keep fighting. No!

This is FUGAZI!

The Ballroom Blitzer assaulting the Sanctuary has been dropped to 5 HP, but every other goon and Master Sergeant Stanky Legg are at full health.

Those Ladder Dives proved near-fatal, but now the Dagga Drivers are limited to Range 1 attacks only. (Except the one in the Northeast)

The Sanctuary is severely low on HP, as are Larry and Palewalker, whose real name on his birth certificate is probably... Palewalker.

Wally is at full HP and currently in no danger at all. A little suspicious if you ask me...

There are always more Mutant Moshers, but there's only one Sanctuary! Can we still save it and learn from it? We've already learned so much...

Learning from the monkeys you are protecting, every Mutant Mosher learns a fourth type of action. In addition to Basic Attacks, Mutant Powers and Special Interactions; everyone gains the universal Rest action. Use it like any other action command.
>Rest, Cooldown 1 turn. Roll your basic attack dice, and you will heal that much HP.

>Mutant Phase 3 begins!! Noble Moshers, do your best!
Rolled 3 (1d11)

Current Stat Blocks (without Mutant Powers) have been updated on the top of pastebin.com/R77Xbfye
(Some enemy stats and Mutant Powers are NOT up to date)

Please inform me of any questions, corrections, comments, secret love-notes, advertisements for cryptocoins/NFT's, subscription renewal reminders, junk mail, etc.


>Wally moves 5
>Basic Attack the Ballroom Blitzer, a roll of 5 or higher defeats him
"Take that!" I try to say, but only hybrid human-whale terror noises occur.
>Move 6 (end up to the right of Larry)
>Activate Reject Society

I'd Croon for Lightning Larry, but the enemies seem to be avoiding him while he does that Dance, it could be dangerous to free him while he's at a such a low HP. He's still able to move to that Health Patch even while he's Dancing.

I'll stand in front of the Sanctuary, in the enemies' way (kinda), and after they strike me, if I survive, I'll counterattack them with double power! If only my AoE Mutant Power was off Cooldown, I'd really Blast 'em!

>Disco Phase coming in about 10 hours! We just need to survive two more of these to make it to Mission 3!!
(The Ballroom Blitzer near the Sanctuary is at 2 HP)
Rolled 1, 4 + 3 = 8 (2d11 + 3)

>Activate PALEDRIVER on the enemy in front of me to send him directly towards the trap right next to the pink dino #4
>Heal up.

I'm not sure how exactly you keep expecting us to survive when you smash 17 odd enemies at us. Most of these traps aren't even going to do shit since no one is over there and the enemies would have no reason to go there since you auto aggro them to go to the center.
Rolled 7 + 3 (1d12 + 3)

>Crystalline shell
>Crystalline claws: on safety dancer
Rolled 1, 4 = 5 (2d8)

>Basic Attack Ballroom Blitzer by the Sanctuary
>Basic Attack Stanky Legg

Man, that Blitzer just refuses to go down.

So, there is absolutely no hope of actually killing all of these dancers, and thus no real point in killing the mobs as long as we can block them. However, if I can manage some high rolls and kill off Mr. Legg, we could get an extra Stat point.

Anyways, WALLY, cover that Northern Pass! They are going to be coming in from there!
what the fuck, why do we keep low-rolling on that blitzer, this is actually going to lose us the mission
Also, I went back and checked, and my rolls have been absolute dogshit this skirmish. Every single roll has included a 1, a 2, or both. Actually crazy.
Processing in a few hours. (Felt a little under the weather last night, that's why I didn't update yet. I gotta stop licking every doorknob I see, but the addicting zingy metallic taste... I just can't resist)
Rolled 9 (1d12)

The Boogie Bugle sounds once again.

The enemies falter in their steps and begin mumbling to each other.

"...I dunno about this"
"This is suicide, man!!"
"Commander Tango's gonna skin our hides, man..."
"Should we...?"

All non-Dagga Driver goons shout "Sayonara, Stanky Legg! Just following orders~!"

"Get back here, you suckas!! If we present the Sanctuary to Tango, we'll be rich beyond our wildest dreams!! Think of the speakers, gold chains and hairspray we could buy!!"

Palewalker YEETS the Dagga Driver into one of the monkey's traps - smart work! By the time the mission is over, that enemy won't be in range to attack anyone!

They're not having any of it, they're retreating to the sound of Supreme Commander Tango's Boogie Bugle. The Dagga Drivers remain.
The Ballroom Blitzer in the center is too entranced to hear the call, and is intent on attacking the Sanctuary. He's got a 25% chance of destroying it!! Whaleboy couldn't stop him!!

It's rumored that The Humorless Bard was supposed to become Master Sergeant and take command of the Dagga Drivers. He was so angered when he was kicked out of the Disco Division, only to be replaced with Stanky Legg. He stops his assault on the Ballroom Blitzer prematurely to rage against the man that stole his promotion.

"I remember you, sucka! You couldn't even do a Texas Two-Step!! You'll never be part of the Disco Division!"

"I don't want to be around you buffoons anymore. I want to KILL YOU!!"

"This means war, nigga!"

The Boom-Boxer, Safety Dancer, Breaktrancer and Ballroom Blitzer around Stanky Legg all flee to the sound of the Boogie Bugle.

Stanky Legg berates them: "You fuckin' cowards!!!!"

(Guys, I think Larry is dead. I'll just say he moved 4, rolled a Rest for himself and helped us out by hitting the enemies with a Photon Flashbang, halving the Dagga Driver and Ballroom Blitzer rolls next turn, then moved back up direction 1 to block off the baddies. Thanks, Larry!)

Meanwhile in the East, Cristal is prepared to face two Dagga Drivers by herself. "For the nice monkeys in the Sanctuaryyyyy!!!"

Rolled 79 (1d100)

But he's Popping and Locking, there's a chance he couldn't perform those actions...
Rolled 3 (1d8)

Yep, there's no resisting that with Larry's Res stat. Ignore the Heal/Flashbang. Larry is still Pop&Locking for 1 more turn. At least no enemies will attack him.

Larry's blocking the entrance with the Bard, meaning the Bard will be soaking up the attack of a single enemy, since Stanky Legg has no ranged moves. No problemo with his beefy HP

The Ballroom Blitzer smacks the Sanctuary...
Rolled 4 (1d12)

The Sanctuary survives!! (4/33HP)

The Dagga Driver closest to Palewalker moves in and attacks, trying to get him to Limbo!

His old buddy stuck in the trap wriggles around but can't move!
Rolled 14 + 10 (1d24 + 10)

Palewalker eats the hit.

Don't start Limboing now, dude, that's a huge distraction and probably cultural appropriation!!
Rolled 51 (1d100)

How low can you go?
How low can you go??
How low can you go???
Rolled 7 (1d16)


The Northern Driver runs in and Ladder Dives on Wally, making him super angry!!
Rolled 10 + 10 (1d17 + 10)

It also makes him want to Pop and Lock, kinda!

It's near hopeless to resist!
Rolled 24, 14 = 38 (2d100)

Will he begin Dancing???
(Second roll is for Bard, to save time)
Rolled 49 (1d60)

The Dagga Driver in the West runs up to the Bard and wants to make him Limbo, too. Will the Bard resist? (No Jungle Jam bonus this time!)

He also takes damage to the tune of...
Rolled 7 (1d12)

The Bard takes it on his beefy chin and laughs it off.

Wally just barely starts Popping and Locking for one turn!!

Rolled 3, 2 = 5 (2d12)

Cristal's strong... Is she strong enough for a 2-on-1 assault?
With her Crystalline Shell, of course she is!! (Subtract 10 from first hit)
She also auto-Resists the Limboing they try to subject her to!!

Cristal is an absolute monster among mutated men!
Rolled 65 (1d100)

SHIT I suck, gotta see if Cristal was popping/locking or not. If she is, then she performs Crystalline Shell, if she isn't, then she doesn't get attacked anyway because of the effects of pop/lock. Weird, I know. Sorry for tripping over my dick so much.
Rolled 21 + 10 (1d23 + 10)

Max roll was 33, so she is still Pop/Locking and thus takes no damage but also was unable to activate any actions. She's still safe, actually even safer, as she takes 0 damage this turn.

Stanky Legg is out of range for attack, but he's got something super deadly he could hit us with next turn, be warned.

Focus only on Stanky Legg, the Dagga Drivers, and the Sanctuary next turn. Oh yeah, someone should stomp out that 1/17HP Ballroom Blitzer, too.

Rolled 5 (1d5)

The Sanctuary heals for turn 3...
These Sanctuary heals have been clutch
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Y'know... with the Sanctuary at 9HP, there's no way that Ballroom Blitzer's 1d8 attacks could bring it down on their own on this last turn. Could be better to just ignore him if we know the rest of the perimeter is sealed up.

(Sorry for the messy map, it's easier to manipulate text and some things in Paint rather than free-version Hexographer.)

All Popping and Locking expires this turn, freeing Wally, Cristal and Larry to move freely again, but exposing them to attacks once again for the final Disco Division phase. Be warned.
(Also don't worry about Dancing next turn, just focus on the enemies' damage potential.)

All actions not used due to Pop/Lock do not have their Cooldowns affected, feel free to use those moves this turn.

>Mutant Mosh Phase... Begin!! Survive one more Turn!!!

*****Not mentioned on map: Stanky Legg has 26/30* HP
(*Cut down from original 40HP)
Can we take him down, or is it too risky?

~9-12 hours before Disco Phase 4.
Did I not heal from the heal patch?
Shit, can we even reach Stanky Legg? I can't...

5/5 3 turns in a row lol
Ah shit I made an oopsie again, sorry about that. You should be at 17HP
I'll announce my moves a little later, but I intend to move to the Cool Water in the North, to block off and attack the guy who hit me last turn.

Open to changing it if anyone has other strategies.
Rolled 2 (1d8)

>Move 3
>Use Showtime Staunchness
>Move 6
>Use Wicked Jeer on the Dagga Driver next to me
Spears, man? Really? That's a pretty sad way to get people to dance. Doesn't seem like there's much *point* to having them. You clearly don't have very much *ex-spear-ience*.
it continues...
Maybe the Humorless Bard could Shake a Speare back at them?
You roll sins, not tragedies
Rolled 1, 3, 1, 1, 3, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 3, 1 = 21 (12d3)

>Crystalline shell
>Crystalline claws: on heal patch dagga
"The road is closed you ladder lackeys"

Also i can recommend paint.net as a tool its free and has layers all in all better paint.
Rolled 11 + 3 (1d12 + 3)

And it would seem i am not the wisest person.
I'll definitely give it a shot, thanks
Rolled 3 (1d11)

>Use RAREFIED PAST to knock out the Ballroom Blitzer. Don't want to take any risks.
>Focus on healing and taking the brunt of the spear's next assault.
Please stop the terrorism, guys. It's added up to an extreme amount, and I'm begging for it to stop.
Rolled 12 (1d12)

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Major Sergeant Stanky Legg bellows on his sound system: "The terrorism will NOT stop! It's added up to an extreme amount!! No matter how you beg, we shall not cease!"

"Grr..." Wally tries to growl but it's more of a whale abortion noise.

All of a sudden, the Boogie Bugle plays a new tune. Now, even the Dagga Drivers are frightened.

(Skipping actual step-by-step map updates for this last turn, since the mission ends after this round of enemy attacks. Also currently re-working the Final Map, which will likely feature all of the previous Disco Division leaders we don't squash. Potato Salad is done for, but Stanky Legg and Lt. Limbo may make their reappearances.)

Lightning Larry is staring blankly forward, entranced and unable to move. Has all the Dancing fried his circuits?
All we hear on the airwaves from Larry is... Static...

Since Wally doesn't have the power to defeat the Dagga Diver in the north, he just blocks off the exit, not even healing because he knows the Dagga Driver has no potential to defeat his 15HP.

With Crystalline Shell, Cristal survives her attacks as well.

Palewalker similarly holds his own against his foe, and guards the Sanctuary from the Blitzer.

Stanky Legg is completely stymied by his own minions and the clever positioning of the Mutant Moshers!!

The only foe that gets a meaningful attack in before fleeing (that has any real potential) is the Western Dagga Driver, who can kill Larry with a crit only... Hah, fat chance!

Larry? Stop playing with the cute monkeys, we're in battle!!



RIP Larry... May he Limbo in the afterlife, if that is what his spirit wishes to do now.

Within less than a minute after savaging That One Static Electricity Guy, the entire Disco Division is nowhere to be seen or heard, but their sweaty smell lingers. As do the corpses of a few Disco Division goons, some tranquil apes, and Lightning Larry...

The Sanctuary survives. An ominous silence rings throughout the Jungle Jam, until a heart-stopping bestial roar is heard!

Too little, too late (for now), the tranquil apes decide to forego their pacifistic ways in order to spread peace and tranquility against the rampant destruction and booty-popping that the Disco Division represents. They spread throughout the Jungle Jam, even though the foe has already fled.

They regroup once they are sure the Sanctuary is secure, then tend to our wounds.

Survived 4 turns....................................................+4 Stat Points
Sanctuary Survived...............................................+3 Stat Points
QM is bad at balancing numbers and he's sorry...+1 Stat Point

Survivors, spend your (8) Stat Points before you deploy in the drop zone of the semi-finale of Mutant Moshers: Disco Division!
Thanks for playing everybody!
Mission 3 drops soon!

Anyone who wants to play but doesn't have a mutant, refer to the opening posts and have (18) Stat Points to spend!
>DUR: 4 -> 6
>STR: 6 -> 10
>MAG: 0
>SPD: 6 -> 8
>CHA: 1
Actually, hm, speed isn't really the issue here.
Changing SPD 6 --> 8 to CHA 1 --> 3
Speed, indeed, is not in need (especially for you). Other Mutants may consider another point or two in Speed, but with the boost I'm about to grant, they will probably want to invest elsewhere. If you want to change your upgrades again, feel free.

This is mainly due to the larger maps in the last two mission.

I'll likely try to avoid swapping up too many more stats, and will announce when I do so.

In addition to the fixes I'm doing to the maps now (mostly reducing enemy numbers), I plan on throwing in 2-3 NPC allies for these last battles. They'll be less capable than the Mutant Moshers but still have an ability or two, and of course they'll offer more targets for the enemy to choose from.

Mission 3 Map dropping in approx. 1 hour.

OBJECTIVE: ESCAPE!!!!! Have ONE character end their turn on one of the two purple hexes with the gold stars.
Wally's upgrades

DUR: 3 -> 6
STR: 2
MAG: 6 -> 7
SPD: 3 -> 4
CHA: 0 -> 4
Larry couldn't have died, I used Wicked Jeer on the Driver, he had to hit me. You owe us an extra stat point for no Moshers killed
You even replied to the taunt I used against him, bruh
Hnnnnng I knew I fucked up somehow. I just had to roll a 12 and stick my foot in my mouth. Normally rolling a 12 on a 1d12 is like a 7 or 8% chance but I have a +50 mod to sticking feet in my mouth because I'm a freak like that

Yes this is all correct

>Lightning Larry lives! (Sorry, Larry!)
>Everyone gets +9 Stat Points, not 8
Tbh the fluff is more interesting than the mechanics to me. I was glossing over hard because I was really trying to avoid updating the map. The software isn't that hard to use but I still wish it was quicker. Terrible excuses, but the truth.

Sorry. I realize text doesn't convey emotions or tone well, but I do sincerely apologize.
I think the only way to properly apologize is through an original invention and declaration of apology.

Perhaps a song?


"Jungle Jelly"

To The Bard of No Humor,
It is less than just a rumor,
The QM has been known to be a tumor,
but at least he is no coomer.

Accept my apology,
If you would, please, most kindly,
I am trying to assure you,
It did not originate from my heinie

Perhaps a new song together we could Croon,
Underneath a Revolting Refrain-lit moon?

Whale torture noises are emitted instead of a poem.
The Humorless Bard's stat upgrades:
DUR: 8
STR: 0
MAG: 3 -> 7
SPD: 0 -> 2
CHA: 7 -> 10

Lol, it's ok, I accept your apology. Nice song btw, I definitely appreciate all the effort you put in, it often gets a laugh out of me. I'm not that miffed about it, I just am adamant about pointing out when rules aren't followed, and get over-excited about games I play.

Also, the balance isn't all so terrible depending on how you lay out the missions and set up the environment. Yes, how it was set up for what we played so far was... difficult, but difficult can work sometimes. At least at this point you have some good experience to work with to make things better. This past mission already was much better than the previous one.
Final version, due to the additional +1 stat point
>DUR: 4 -> 6
>STR: 6 -> 10
>MAG: 0
>SPD: 6
>CHA: 1 -> 4
>I just am adamant about pointing out when rules aren't followed, and get over-excited about games I play.
Thank you deeply for having both of those traits.
Hopefully this next mission will be even less turbulent (if that's the right word).
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After communing with the tranquil apes, they give you the exact co-ordinates of Supreme Commander Tango's hideout deep in the mountains. Though they are a pacifistic tribe of apes, they tried approaching to plea to Tango that he stops polluting the water supply, but the patches of Disco Inferno and Imprisoning Darkness >>5274992 scared them off of continuing their mission.

At least there's no pesky Misty Mountains to slow our movements...

To reach Tango, you must first pass the Crag Crater, patrolled by his Major General... Monkey Bravo, an unruly Dancing ape.

The tranquil apes somehow instruct you that you don't need to fight your way through the crater, just Escape! (Have one character end their turn on a purple hex with a gold star.)

While most apes are still generally pacifistic, and others must stay behind to continue guarding the Sanctuary, they provide three brave BLUE TANK apes to follow you into this final battle. All 3 have the same stats and abilities:

>Blue Tank Ape (NPC allies)
21 HP| 9 Move | Resist 500 (special training) | 1d10 basic attack
Fling, Cooldown 0. Basic attack with a -2 mod in Range 3.
DUR: 2, STR: 5, MAG: 0, SPD: 8, CHA: 0

Blue Tank Apes are highly mobile and resist all Dances, but can only use one basic attack, Fling, or Rest per turn. They cannot activate Special Interactions.

An ape leader beats his chest and ooks and eeks and squeals, then pisses all over his own hands with a smile.

Wally... understands!! He translates: "He's saying... Thank you for saving us... Take these three soldiers... Good luck on your mission... Then he just peed all over himself for pleasure."

But all that comes out of Wally's blowhole is the sound of a whale fetus and a quart of Clamato being spun around in a blender on max speed.

Between the ape and whaleboy trying to communicate with them, no Mutant Mosher knows what the fuck is going on.

But they have a good idea of what they need to do.

>MISSION 3 OBJECTIVE: ESCAPE!!!!! (One character must end their turn on a purple tile/gold star hex.)
Escape!!!...............................+3 Stat Points
Enemy dispatched................+1 Stat Point each
NPC ally (Ape) survives........+1 Stat Point each
No PC casualties..................+2 Stat Points
Dispatch Monkey Bravo........+2 Stat Points

>Deploy on a Pink Dino and take your first turn!

They've got a diverse squad, and the environment itself is very diverse!
Do your best and don't be afraid to lean on the apes!
Disco Phase coming in 12-18 hours!!
>DUR: 7 ->10
>STR: 7 ->10
>MAG: 2 ->3
>SPD: 0 ->1
>CHA: 2 ->3

>deploy pd7
>move 66666
>Crystalline armor
>Poison wave: jitter bugging
>Spawn in Pink Dino #3
>Move 6666665
>Use FREQUENCY COMPRESSOR to fuck up the brainwaves of the skull and crossbones
>Use RAREFIED PAST to mess up the funk of the Boom Boxer that is sadly too far away for a paledriver.
Rolled 2 (1d2)

Frequency... Compressed!!
Rolled 55 (1d100)


>Deploy at PD 8
>Special Interaction: pray to Spermo the whale god for strength. Rolling a nat7 gives me a +1 mod to all rolls for 2 turns. Rolling 1-6 or 8-100 does nothing at all.
>Move 166666
>Activate Reject Society
Rolled 2, 9 = 11 (2d12)

>Deploy at 9
>Move 11166
>Basic Attack Ballroom Blitzer to my West twice
Rolled 5, 3 - 2 = 6 (2d10 - 2)


Ape A positions himself to lead Northern enemies on a wild goose chase
>Move 666666666

Ape B sallies forth and delivers steaming justice to an unsuspecting goon
>Move 6665666
>Fling at Safety Dancer

Ape C valiantly blocks off Major General Monkey Bravo, and begins an epic fight for ape supremacy.
>Move 66666554
>Fling at Monkey Bravo (second roll gets HALVED by Cool Waters, then the -2 mod kicks in.)
The flung poop merely floats down the river of cool water, gently heading downstream towards Monkey Bravo.

Bravo has no where to turn, the turd is on a collision course to smack him right in the chest... He panics!


It lightly nudges into him dealing 0 damage, but sending him into a fervent rage.

(All Actions are in! Disco Phase coming in a few hours. RIP Ape C, you valiant motherfucker.)
Are you sure this is the correct movement for Ape C? His movement brings him to a mountain in the South, and not in Cool Waters, and definitely out of range of Major General.
Woops, that's supposed to be 66666112, good eye

Updating now but I've got errands to run soon so we'll see if I make it in time.
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The our beloved and deformed fearless heroes advance quickly down the craggy crater, The Humorless Bard taking quick refuge behind a jagged mountain to cast his Bard spells.

In the north passes, Palewalker leads the apes in a hammer-and-anvil maneuver against unsuspecting crater guards.

Cristal and Palewalker do their best to prevent the enemies from overthrowing our surprise assault!

It's too late, they've taken notice of us!

The enemy advances!!
Rolled 23 (1d25)

(Forgot Palewalker in image, lol...)

Okay, I was fighting it earlier but now I've accepted I can't run the enemy phase in time before I gotta go. Should only delay me an hour or two, so I should still be in the 12-18 hours I predicted this update would drop. Sorry!

Before I go, let's see if Ape C can withstand Bravo's basic attack!!

He won't be subject to the Headbanging it usually induces, but the damage potential of this guy is off the charts!!!

Bravo's Special Attack isn't half this powerful, but he can crank out 1d25 damage every turn with his Basic Attack!

Luckily, he's only got 38HP, rather flimsy for a second-in-command to the Supreme Commander....

(to be continued soon)
Monkey Bravo cracks the gorilla skull in twain!

Ape C gets fucking blasted immediately!!

Fucking QM rolls, always high when you need low, always low when you need high, am I right?
Bravo was Frequency Compressed though, and the Compressor rolled a 2, so he couldn't move OR act, let alone kill Ape C.
I'm obviously fucking retarded God dammit I was trying to hide it but it just spills out at every corner

My mind didn't see boss or monkey bravo so I just skimmed over and assumed it was a goon that I would figure out later... BAKA


I don't even have any words, I feel like a toddler that just pissed himself.

Ignore these posts

Anyway... Full update (done with love and compassion and actual reading comprehension) coming in ~1hr.
Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d6)

Safety Dancer North stays in place and fires his basic ranged attack at Ape B!
Safety Dancer South runs up and fires his basic attack at Wally!
Rolled 48 (1d100)

Wally almost begins snapping his fingers...
Rolled 14 (1d47)

It's useless, the tune is too snappy and these disco biscuits are friggin' BANGIN'!
Rolled 7 (1d8)

The Jive Turkey in the South is too afraid to run up to our group, so he uses a ranged Fedora Fling on Cristal, but he doesn't know that it has no chance of damaging her (1d6) and she auto-resists the River Dancing!

Reject Society actually gave me +50 Resist mod I forgot about, meaning no Finger Snapping for Wally

The Southwestern Ballroom Blitzer runs into the fray, but can't make an attack this turn, unlike his brother from the South Central that The Humorless Bard was attacking, he'd like to retaliate, but that crag pass looks a little too thin for even him to squeeze through.

He instead sets his sights on Ape C who just shat on his boss! Take this!

...Ape C eats the attack and refuses to Dance.
Rolled 5 (1d20)

The Central Ballroom Blitzer tries to block off the Palewalker in the canyon... Is he just walking into a you-know-what?

To round the turn out, Ape A foolishly aggro's a Haka Hulk to come out of his Headbanging spot under the waterfall, and tries to spread the infectious Headbanging! The Haka Hulk attacks Ape A with a massive Shaka-Laka-Haka!

(Increasing Reject Society to Cooldown 2.)
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(I redirected Rarified Past on the Safety Dancer since the Boom-Boxer was out of range, only the status heal is unlimited range)

The enemy has sounded the alarms, but the others just Dance to it, unalert to the intruders known as... You. The Mutant Moshers.

So far, only a few enemies have actually seen or heard of our presence in Crag Crater, and the team manages to successfully stand their ground against the Dancing Menace.

If you need a heal, hit the Health Patches scattered across the crag! Avoid the Disco Inferno tiles at all costs, though, they'll chew up 3 HP per turn! And those Imprisoning Darkness tiles... Everyone knows it's easier to succumb to Dance when you think no one is looking! Like when you're in the Dark!

We can't get caught up in a drawn out fight, we need to keep Escaping!

Then again, striking down Monkey Bravo and some of Tango's most trusted guards would be a huge blow to the Disco Division... Once his Frequency is cleared of static, he'll probably relentlessly pursue us, and he's STRONG...

>Choose wisely! Communicate with your team, the blue tank apes will follow orders you give them!!

(Next Disco Phase in... 7 hours!)
Rolled 2 (1d12)

Fight theme: youtu.be/9ofM-tYj4zM

>Wally runs 1
>Hits the weakened Ballroom Blitzer with a Basic Attack
>Runs 66666, just out of range of the Health Patch :(
>AoE Attack this trio of enemies. The Safety Dancer who gave me those groovy disco biscuits takes double damage due to Reject Society (next roll)
Rolled 8 (1d8)

That's one resilient Ballroom Blitzer to survive with 4HP like that!

Forget him, someone else can handle him, let's soak this goon squad!

Blast 'em, whale style!!!!
All of them are massively weakened! Alright!

9/17HP Ballroom Blitzer Southwest (Pepper)
6/22HP Safety Dancer (Biohazard) (Received dbl. dmg.)
12/20HP Jive Turkey (Cherries)
I actually have 7 move not 6, so I actually can reach that Health Patch. I am adding on
>Move 5
after the Blast attack

If anyone is curious about their current stats: pastebin.com/R77Xbfye is up to date at the top.
Rolled 9, 3 + 3 = 15 (2d15 + 3)

>move 1166
"Out of the way Punks
>Crystalline Claws: on Jive turkey
>Basic attack on Safety dancer
>move: if safety is taken out 55 if not 66
Rolled 14, 15 = 29 (2d15)

>Move 16654
>Pummel the Safety Dancer (who I meant to attack, guess I confused radioactive sins for them) to death with two basic attacks.
Rolled 1, 12 = 13 (2d12)

>Basic Attack the close Ballroom Blitzer
>Move 55666
>Basic Attack the close injured Safety Dancer
We March On!
the curse continues, as does the ridiculous ability for Blitzers to stay alive at low HP...
Rolled 6, 1, 1 = 8 (3d10)

Player actions all in!

Palewalker walks eerily around the enemy through shadow and water, and performs the incredible feat of finishing off the Safety Dancer even with halved rolls.

At least you got that Safety Dancer!


Ape A bashes the Haka Hulk with a Basic Attack, then baits him further into the Northwest!! 666661
Ape B runs up to the Ballroom Blitzer and intercepts him with a Basic Attack!! 66666
Ape C wades in the Cool Waters and tries to finish off the Ballroom Blitzer, but his attack roll will be halved!! He needs a 6 or higher!
Three Ballroom Blitzers remain, and three Ballroom Blitzers attack!! The last one performs a Boogie Down on both Cristal and Wally!!
1st - Ape B
2nd - Ape C
3rd - Wally/Cristal

The last one the bolts, running direction 5666666

The Dagga Driva in the Northeast gets restless and goes to check on his buddies in Stanky Legg's battalion.

The valley is ghostly empty... Why isn't there any bass thumping?
Rolled 63, 100 = 163 (2d100)

Jitterbug rolls
1st Wally
2nd Crystal
Rolled 30 (1d47)

Wally resist
Cristal is fucked lol, 3 rounds of Jitterbug
Rolled 11 (1d20)

Wally (2) and Cristal (3) both begin Dancing the Jitterbug, Cristal now banned from using STR Stat, meaning her basic attack relies on her MAG Stat, giving her a 1d8 until she is cured!! Wally, being a MAG user, is unaffected by that, but...

They both compound the effect so that anyone in Range 3 of them has a -50 mod to Dancing!! That's a serious deficit!

The Haka Hulk catches up to Ape A and gives him a basic attack!
Rolled 3 (1d12)

Central BoomBoxer wants a piece, too!!

A 5 or higher will wipe him out!!!
Rolled 7 (1d25)

Ape A survives and gains 5HP, as does Wally of the Whalevoice, as they both stand on Health Patches.

The Jive Turkey to the North notices something adrift...

To round off the turn, you guessed it. A massive basic attack by the boss, for real this time. (And also his attack will be properly halved from Cool Waters as it should be.)

Watch out, Ape C!!!
Rolled 2, 4, 7 = 13 (3d8)

forgot roll
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Even someone with max HP like Cristal can suffer from a well placed strike.

She and Wally endure, but break out into a contagious Dance... It looks so fun... NO! DEGENERATE!!! DANCING IS FORBIDDEN!!!!!



Feel free to suggest moves for the Apes next turn.
Ape A may will want to flee, but in which direction? Ape B is doing fine on his own but feel free to direct him. Ape C can either continue blocking Monkey Bravo or make way for other attackers/run away to rest.

>Go, go go!! Get your moves in, the Disco Division is on to us!! They'll be acting in... 6-16 hours!
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Monkey Bravo ominously Dances, sealed-mouth, with his foxy femme fatale Ballroom Blitzers Dancing along in the background.
Rolled 1 (1d12)

>Wally Croons and heals Cristal of her Dance! She's free!! Wally is still dancing and giving off a Range 3 -25 mod to Resist!
>Wally then runs 56666, naruto style with arms behind back
>He smacks a Basic Attack on the Ballroom Blitzer
>Then moves 22
Rolled 10, 11 = 21 (2d12)

>Dance-heals only one person when I am able to Dance-heal both of you
>Runs far enough to be just out of range of where I can Dance-heal him
Cmon man, if you're gonna do anti-synergy with the dance-heal, at least let me heal you too. If you let me move first I could've got rid of both of your Dances, or at least didn't move exactly as far as you could away from me.

>Basic Attack the Blitzer to my North for 1-2 Damage
>Move 16656
>Wicked Jeer the Blitzer to my West
Red Pepper? So outdated. Ever heard of the Scoville Scale? You're mildly unpleasant at worst.
Holy Pumpernickel Batman! The curse is broken! The first roll in the entire skirmish that I didn't roll a 1 or a 2!!
Rolled 8 + 2 (1d15 + 2)

>Use FREQUNCY COMPRESSOR to knock out the Dagga Diver so Monke A can run to the nearest health patch (where Monkey B and the 16 health Ballroom Blitzer is.)
>Monke C meets up with the other two monkes at the heal tiles to focus on healing.
>B can do whatever, he's at full HP.
>Wrap my arms around Mr. Skull and Crossbones and yeet him 44443344 through the power of the PALEDRIVER.
To clarify which Dagga Driver, it's the one surrounded by the honeycomb of disco infero/fire tiles. (and move 4 once Monke C gets out of the way to be in range of Skully for the PALEDRIVER but yeah)
Rolled 5 (1d15)

>poison wave: head banging
>move 5566665
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolled 6, 1, 4 = 11 (3d10)

Apes A and C Rest on Health Patches, while B (middle roll) attacks the central Ballroom Blitzer
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Paledriver, it looks like you didn't move last turn, if that was a mistake, go ahead and move twice this turn.

>Enemy phase!!
Rolled 3, 7 = 10 (2d8)

The enemy boss is teleported and confounded, but still in pursuit!!

Other enemies pursue the tank apes.

The only attacks that land from the enemy forces are Ballroom Blitzer attacks on Ape C and Cristal
Rolled 10 - 25 (1d32 - 25)

Cristal, still being within 3 Range of the Jitterbugging, has her Res reduced when the Ballroom Blitzer tries to get to her Interpretive Freestyle!!
Rolled 15 (1d100)

She's doomed to Dance!! Act normally, Cristal, but there's a 25% chance you'll do something weird instead!!
File: 5555555.png (6.36 MB, 6120x3324)
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Cristal only Dances one turn. (Int. Freestyle)
Wally is still dancing the Jitterbug for one more turn.

The enemy is going to try to close in on us. We've gotta keep fighting quickly!

Reach that Escape Exit!!

Oh no, it's blocked off by a Haka Hulk and a pair off Boom-Boxers!!

Those guys pack serious punches!!

In the back of the pack, Monkey Bravo dances towards us. Watch out, fellas!!

>Keep working together! The Disco Division strikes again in ~12 hours or so!
Rolled 11, 12 = 23 (2d12)

Wally of the Whalevoice moves in on the nearby Ballroom Blitzer, and really tries to pummel it into a paste.
>Move 56
>Basic attack the 5/17 Ballroom Blitzer twice
>End turn

"Wanna give us a hand with the Dancing, this time, Bard? Or if you think we can tough it out, that's fine, too." Wally tries to say, but the low frequencies are too low for anyone to hear but Palewalker, who kindly asks Wally to stop, as Palewalker's ears are now bleeding.


Also, feel free to utilize the Apes again, everyone, they're clustered up in the center now, but they've got a huge 9 Move, a basic attack and a Range 3 attack.
Paste is indeed produced from the bones and meat of our shifty foe!

Rolled 7, 11 = 18 (2d15)

>Move twice
Alright, bet. I'm gonna assume that means I got double the movement points. If not, then feel free to adjust the movement I made.

>Move 544
>Pummel the absolute shit out of the Skull and Crossbones man with two basic attacks
>Move 1161666666
As for the monkes? B and C will try to kill the 15/17 blitzer (A will range attack to finish it off or use one to soften up the Boomboxer) before rushing over to where Crystal, Wally, and Bard are to assist in the beating up the Haka Hulk and Boomboxers (and to act as meat shields)
Rolled 4 (1d12)

>Move 6661
>Use Revolting Refrain
>Basic Attack Breaktrancer to my North

Well sure, but you've already taken your turn first... again. So this will only be affecting Cristal to remove her 1 turn of Dancing.
Rolled 5, 1 = 6 (2d15)

>move 16
"So you guys ready for the final push"
>rest x2
Wait, shouldn't this Blitzer near us be dead? I rolled an 11 on my attack against him, and that plus Wally's attack should have killed him. And even if it didn't kill him, my attack was Wicked Jeer, so it shouldn't have hit Cristal. Where did the "5 HP left" even come from?
Rolled 9, 10 = 19 (2d10)

(Rolling Apes B and C's attacks)

I bungled that one up, I don't know how I did that. Sorry for making you run the quest, Bard.



Cristal rests up for the cluster of foes ahead and in pursuit, honed and focused on the mission.

Wally fights invisible ninjas. It seems like he thinks he's winning.

In the rearguard, Palewalker pummels Monkey Bravo so hard, they both shit themselves in terror.

The enemy leader is at 10HP.

Monkey Bravo is ripe and furious, and perhaps just as powerful as Palewalker!

Here he comes!!!

...How anticlimactic, The Humorless Bard slips out of Bravo's 6 Move, and Palewalker has cleverly ditched him deep in the Cool Waters!!

...But something's watching Palewalker. He can feel it.

A lone Dagga Driver stalks him silently through the water, 8ft. steel ladder in hand.

In the North...
Rolled 1 (1d10)

(Ape A to Boom-Boxer roll)

(Stat Caps will be increased from 10 to 14 next level in response to the amount of SP we will receive from this mission, also increasing Max HP, Max Resist, etc.)


Apes B and C tear the last Ballroom Blitzer in opposite directions.

The record scratches as the spine snaps.

Ape A follows his brothers and softens up the lone Boom-Boxer with a direct basic attack! He then runs to the front of the fore, protecting Wally so he can slay the last invisible ninja.

The furthest Ape, B, sits in front of Palewalker near the natural geyser fountain to protect him, and create a chokepoint where his enemies will have to attack with halved offense rolls.

Ape C runs all the way around and boxes in the Breaktrancer so no one can break through that point, either.
Rolled 1 (1d4)

In response, the Breaktrancer smacks him with a half-powered B-Boy Bonk. The injured Ape mocks his weakness and beats his chest. The Breaktrancer retreats to let his other buddies in.

The Western Dagga Driver phases back in to frequency, but is too tired to move.

The one who replaces the Breaktrancer is none other than the Boom-Boxer who was bitch-slapped by Ape A last turn...
Rolled 1 (1d6)

The Boom-Boxer is confused as to why Ape A isn't Headbanging, how can he be so tranquil? He still bops him on the head with his ghetto blaster.
these sure are some tranquil waters alright
Rolled 9 (1d10)

****ape C!!!!!! not A!!!! ....

Ape C grins. He's still above half HP, and can't wait to get his revenge next turn.

The Haka Hulk is going for Ape A. Luckily, his might is halved by the Cool Waters. Palewalker looks over Ape A's shoulder as it defends from the Hulk's basic attack.
Rolled 2 (1d12)

>The Haka Hulk is going for Ape A.
>Palewalker looks over Ape A's shoulder

So tranquil I even noticed my mistakes in record time


The North/Northwestern guards are completely oblivious to all the fighting in the south.

The Jive Turkey who peeked in at the group of 3 serial-killer-calm apes running through his partners-in-crime at lightning speed decided it was none of his business. Cowardly, but smart. He just wants to listen to his tunes and dance, desu senpai.

On the other side of the raucous coin, the Boom Boxers in the Southwest are murderous and triggered!! Here they come!! One for Cristal, and the second for Ape!
Rolled 2 (1d12)

Forgot to roll a second one for Ape A...
Rolled 52 (1d100)

Cristal's bio-toxic diamond shell is tickled by the pitiful attempts of the lobsterman.

That IS a catchy tune, though...

Cristal starts stamping her feet slightly more than she normally does...

Even if Cristal starts Headbanging, she'll still be able to use her STR-based attack dice, but if she rolls a 1-3, it'll do 0 damage!
Rolled 24 (1d32)

But she won't fall victim! (Will she? Yes, yes she will...)
The Boss and his goons close in on us!! Gotta keep ripping through them!!!

The Southern Haka Hulk stays in place, guarding the exit of Crag Crater. He'll be a tough cookie.

Hey, what the-?!?!


Is someone smoking reefer out there???

>Processing, please standby...
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Imprisoning Darkness creeps in over Crag Crater, spreading towards the crew with uncanny speed...

Tango must know you're coming. But it's too late for him. He will be brought to justice.

The Northern goons are nearly untouched.

The Dagga Driver in the East backs is obsessed with his mark, Paledriver, but he'll take an Ape, too. He could also switch up and assist the beleaguered Boss Bravo. It would be a damned shame if Bravo were to... Retreat from his own post next turn?

These Disco Division boys have no honor, they won't go down with their own sinking ship. We gotta make sure Major General Monkey Bravo stays put on this battlefield. Forever.

If we don't, he'll just be back to cause Port Polka more trouble in the future.

Command the apes as you wish. Their current plan is to keep serving as meatshields and attackers, but they do have Rest capabilities as well. Or you could send them anywhere you like.

Retreat isn't an option, we've got to punch through their defenses.

The Boom-Boxers are by no means flimsy but we only really need to take one of them out to get through.

Taking down that Haka Hulk guard is going to be like demolishing a brick house.

>Make them regret putting on their boogie shoes, suede pants and gold medallions!! Attack!!! Get to that Gold Star and end your turn on it!!!

(Map zoomed in on relevant characters, ignore how stupid the Boom-Boxers look, please. Next round in ~12 hours.)
Don't be afraid to act for the Apes if they're in your way. You can suggest something like "After Ape A attacks and gets out of the way, move in where he was and attack the Southernmost Boom-Boxer, then retreat Weast-Snourth 0123456789876543210"
Rolled 7, 5 = 12 (2d12)

>Basic Attack Monkey Bravo twice

don't forget to reduce the HP of that Breaktrancer that I hit last turn
Thank you, noted.
Rolled 9, 8, 9 = 26 (3d10)

Monkey Bravo has been defeated!!!!!!!!!!

The Southeastern passage is... Almost quiet.

Ahhhhhh. It feels good. But we can't stop before Tango is brought to mutated justice.


The highly mobile Apes take their turns.

Ape A smacks the lower Boom-Boxer with a basic attack, then Moves 32 to block off the enemies in the Cool Waters to the North.

Ape B swoops in 5556, hits a basic attack on the lower Boom-Boxer again, then joins Ape A on the other Rocky Road tile (Move 332) to block off the coming enemies in the Cool Waters. They are confident they can hold for at least 1 turn.

Ape C storms down to Ape A's old position and hits another basic attack on the same goon. Ape C then retreats 44, out of everyone's way.
Rolled 8, 3 = 11 (2d12)

KILL COUNT: 9 (including Boss)

Wally shrieks a sound of victory and charges in!!

>Move 66665
>Two basic attacks on Haka Hulk guarding the Exit
>Move 2
Haka Hulk has 23/34 HP remaining
Do the Boom Boxers only have 9 or less HP now? That Boom Boxer only took damage from Ape A, and from this turn.
Oh wait nevermind, the Apes doubled up on the tile to attack
Rolled 2, 6 + 3 = 11 (2d15 + 3)

"Wait that can't be normal"
>move 1655
"But then again it doesn't matter for this guy. We meet again muscle head."
>basic attack haka hulk
>Crystalline claws on haka hulk
>move 65

QM notes: Due to Headbanging, the roll of a 2 is a Crit Fail, dealing 0 damage!

Haka Hulk blocking the exit: 14/34HP remaining!!

Next turn we're breaking through this jabroni without a doubt!!

(We'll wait a few more hours for Palewalker)
Forgot my trip on mobile but it's still me.
>SPECIAL INTERACTION: Try to motivate or keep Monke B standing so he can take on the next assault
>Used RAREFIED PAST to free Crystal from headbanging
>Move 655555
The retarded Apes at the Hyundai dealership don't know how to fix a fucking hatchback to save their fucking worthless lives, even if it's just been in their shop for over a month, so I'm stuck afk for a few more hours in the fucking mall parking lot. It's so fucking hot, boys.
I was stuck in that parking lot for almost 4 and a half hours...

Probably karma or something but god damn, I really want to squeeze someone's neck until their eyes pop out. How hard is it to direct a fucking tow truck to a mall? Apparently fucking impossible for the lackeys at AAA.

I, uhh... Need a little break. Sorry. Update will drop sometime tonight.

After escaping Crag Crater, there is only one map left!!

...The final showdown with Supreme Commander Tango!

We'll have a boatload of stat points to spend before we face him too (like 15!!) - we'll finally able to reach our maximum potential, reaching new plateaus never before thought possible!

>Mutant Moshers, stand back, and stand by!!!
(Update: fell asleep early last night, still dealing with my car this morning... Might go fishing later today. Update in 3-24 hrs.)
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Rolled 1 (1d15)

Blah, blah, blah, let's continue.

SPECIAL INTERACTION: Palewalker gives the adjacent Monke... I mean Ape B, a Shoulder Rub!! This acts as a Rest action, but for a friend! What an unexpectedly nice guy, for looking like...

Well... Anyway!


The remaining Boom-Boxer in the South comes after Wally with a basic attack!
Rolled 45 (1d100)

The Headbanging roll comes first this time!
Rolled 36 (1d47)

Next up is Wally's dance defense roll!
Rolled 5 (1d12)


Wally hears begins grooving with the music, Headbanging for 1 turn!!

Finally, he gets blasted with the damage!!
Rolled 18 (1d20)

Cristal, thinking she could mow down the Haka Hulk, is confronted with the brunt of his massive attack, will she start River Dancing?
Rolled 94 (1d100)

Dance Roll!!
It's a ridiculously strong attack!!!! She's down to 12 HP!!

Since Cristal is in IMPRISONING DARKNESS, she only has a max of 7 Resist this turn. We'll assume she scores a crit and gets that 7, still leaving her with 3 turns of River Dancing!! It won't matter much at the very end of this map, thankfully.

>Standby, please...
Rolled 4 (1d4)

The pursuing Dagga Driver sees an enemy in range, finally. Unfortunately for him, it's The Humorless Bard who sternly guards the whole group from the back - he's the only foe in range. The Apes to The Bard's North protect him, and he could even walk off a critical Ladder Dive.

The Eastern Dagga Driver makes the smart decision and runs off to dance another day, not knowing that he could have teamed up with the Western Dagga Driver.

However, the enemy already seems to know they are in a losing battle, having failed Tango's orders to guard Crag Crater.

Stanky Legg's men both flee.

However, the rest of the Northern cluster do not relent. First is the weakened Breaktrancer's attack on Ape B.
Rolled 1 (1d20)

Now, the Northern, mobile Haka Hulk looks to finish off Ape B!! Oh no, our Stat Points- I mean allies!!!!
File: BOOGIE.png (2.51 MB, 3106x2810)
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Haha!! Our Ape army holds strong!!

The remaining scuffed-up Boom-Boxer flees rather than fights, knowing he has no chance of defeating Ape A, but he's still in range if we have the gusto to hunt him down.

We've finally got our chance to escape, we just have to blast through this 14/34HP Haka Hulk and end our turn on the Star!

Think of this as a bonus round, let's see if we can stack up a few more bodies after we secure our escape!!

>Trample that weakened Haka Hulk and let's get out of here, while we're all still alive and breathing!!
Rolled 3 (1d10)

(Sorry for the long break, real life, blah blah yadda yadda. I hope I didn't scare anyone off with my nagging or feet dragging.)


What's this? The Apes can't wait!!

Ape C (Southernmost) runs in to fight the Hulk guarding the exit, then gets out of the way for other Moshers to get their licks in!!

>move 116665
>basic attack
>move 12
Did you forget to put me on the map?
Rolled 7, 9 = 16 (2d10)

Apes A and B chase down the Breaktrancer and make sure he's well beat with basic attacks, then return to their posts.
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FUCK, I knew I was forgetting something. I went to put you on but got distracted by something. Here you are, next to Ape C. Sorry about that.

You're just so pale, you must have been reflecting the sun in a way that I didn't see you there.



Breaktrancer dies!
Rolled 3, 2 = 5 (2d15)

>Move 11656
>Get the fuck outta here through that star.
Somehow I didn't kill him with two attacks. Move outta the way to let Crystal finish the job.
Rolled 8, 3 = 11 (2d15)

>basic attack haka twice
>move 65
Rolled 7, 4, 1, 2 = 14 (4d12)

Simulating last turn, 2 basic attack each from Wally and The Bard, targeting the full (25) HP Boom-Boxer.
That boxer might not be immediately dead, but he does look rather... boxed in.

-Kill Count: 11 goons.........+11
-No PC Casualties............+2
-Ape Survivors..................+3
-Monkey Bravo's Bounty...+2

>Other Cap increases:
-Max HP is 52
-Max Move is 10
-Max Basic Attack dice is 1d20
-Max Resistance is 140

Before you deploy in the staging area of Peak Polka, take time to place these 21 Stat Points.

This is the last time we will be able to upgrade our Mutant Moshers, aside from any new Mutants, who may spawn at any time and place on the last map with 30 Stat Points.

>Standby for Final Mission...
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Apes A and B pick up the still-fighting Wally and Bard over their shoulders, and take them to the exit.

Palewalker collects teeth while Cristal's bio-shell absorbs more genetic material to study and modify.

Ape C finds a pretty flower to put behind her ear while she fights.

The Apes tell us Peak Polka is as far as they've come, but now that the Mutant Moshers are here, they feel they have the power to bring down Tango and bring back peace and quiet.

We think that's what simultaneously jacking off and shitting means in the Ape language.

Wally wants to offer a counterpoint, but the music is getting too loud to speak over...

No plan is needed, anyway.

The Mutant Moshers make their final stand against distasteful music-listening hours and volumes.

Unnatural dark clouds fill the sky, not filled with rain but with sound... The clouds!! They must be the source of the music!!

No wonder the apes were pointing at the sky so much. We'll have to get a translator in the future when we have a nice, cold, QUIET, pint with these lads back in Port Polka.

If we don't stop Tango here and now and take back the radio tower he's posted up at, the Disco Division will only continue to grow in numbers and power. We can't fail Port Polka, or the world.

Heading over the last hill, the team sees a radio tower glowing iridescent, with a large disco ball draped from it.

The land is drenched in darkness, and feverishly hot areas break through the ground, like Crag Crater, but this time, it's going to be unavoidable... Watch your step. (Terrain Chart: >>5274992)

Tango laughs and presumably dances far off in the distance as his evil radio-clouds shoot out of his Flower-Power, Sucka-Don't-Be-Sour, Bumpin', Jammin', Got-The-Speakers-Slammin', Man-Of-The-Hour's Radio Tower. (FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT)

Enemies of all types dance in every manner imaginable, celebrating the night like true fiends. It's absolutely shambolic.

They haven't seen us yet.

>Assign your Stat Points, deploy on a Pink Dino, and make the first move in taking back the serenity that society deserves!
Rolled 12 (1d20)

+6 DUR
+8 MAG
+2 SPD
+5 CHA

new stat block
42 HP | 8 Move | Resist 86 | 1d20 basic attack
DUR: 13, STR: 2, MAG: 15, SPD: 6, CHA: 9

>Deploy PD6
>Move 111122
>Basic Attack the Boom-Boxer
>Move 22
>Activate Reject Society

Wally's spout is bleeding from the blaring music.

Apes A, B and C will deploy with the same stats after all Mutant Mosher movements.
As this is the last mission, it's entirely optional to save the Apes again, or use them as kamikazes.

Next update in ~14-16 hours.
Rolled 8, 17 = 25 (2d20)

>DUR: 6 -> 13
>STR: 10 -> 15
>MAG: 0
>SPD: 6
>CHA: 4 -> 13

>Drop down on Pink Dino #4
>Move 222233
>Pummel the Safety Dancer into the fucking dirt with two basic attacks.
Palewalker pummels the Safety Dancer with all his might!!

The Disco Division's long-range soldier gets bonked rightly, and bobs down in the water, before bobbing back up!!

It looks like it would've been really painful if his movements weren't so sluggish from being in Cool Water!! Drats!!

He's boxed in, now, though, and can't weave in and out of the terrain for more powerful attacks.

Not to mention, Cool Waters is the most protective terrain in the area, those Disco Inferno and Imprisoning Darkness tiles look scawy.

[QM note: Halved rolls from Cool Waters (12 dmg done, 10HP remaining)]
Rolled 19, 3 = 22 (2d19)

The Humorless Bard's stat upgrades:
DUR: 8 -> 13 (31 -> 41 HP)
STR: 0
MAG: 7 -> 14 (d12 -> d19)
SPD: 2 -> 6 (Total Move: 6 -> 10)
CHA: 10 -> 15 (89 total resist -> 138 total resist)

>Deploy on Pink Brontosaurus 11
>Move 222221
>Basic Attack Boom Boxer to my West
>Wicked Jeer the Jive Turkey in the Cool Water to my North East
Nearly this entire field is covered in your turf, and yet you sit in the Cool Water? Jive "Turkey" is right, chicken doesn't even begin to describe you! How pit-iful, no wonder no one attended your *jam*-session, Cherry Jones!
>DUR: 10 ->15
>STR: 10 ->15
>MAG: 3 ->7
>SPD: 1 ->4
>CHA: 3 ->7

>deploy pd 3
>move 1122212
>Poison wave: river dancing, pop and lock
Rolled 4, 3 - 2 = 5 (2d10 - 2)

That was beautiful, bravo!


Stat blocks are updated once again at the top of pastebin.com/R77Xbfye. Other info may not be up to date.


Ape A:
>Deploy PD 1
>Move 222221112
>Fling at Jive Turkey (West)

Ape B:
>Deploy PD 2
>Move 222111222

Ape C:
>Deploy PD 8
>Move 222222
>Fling at Safety Dancer
>Move 221

The entire crew resists River Dancing and Popping&Locking this turn!

The Humorless Bard's potent jeer drew ire from more than just the intended target!! Every enemy in range is coming for him this turn!!

>Division Phase begins!!
Rolled 9, 9 = 18 (2d9)

Two Jive Turkey basic attacks (Jitterbug)

1st East/Bard
2nd West/Wally
Rolled 77, 86 = 163 (2d100)

The cherry-boys get a pair of crits on our handsome protagonists. One of them smelled a little funny...

2 dance rolls, same order
Rolled 22 - 25 (1d98 - 25)

Quick notes: My Resist is 98, not 86. Bard's move is 8, not 10.


Oh no, we're in Imprisoning Darkness! We'll have heavily hampering -25 mods to our Resist rolls!!
Rolled 16 - 25 (1d138 - 25)

Bard's Resist roll
Rolled 9 (1d18)

Wally AND the Bard both slip into an anachronistic Dance for 3 turns!!!

They can't use STR attacks, which is fine for these MAG users, but they're both walking curses!! Everyone in Range 3, including themselves and each other, will have ANOTHER -25 mod to their Resists per Jitterbugger in range!! Next turn we could be looking at -75 mods to our Resist rolls!! That's completely unsustainable, let's get outta here!!

The Humorless Bard is even more Humorless than usual, he HATES Dancing!!!!

The Bard then takes the brunt of a fucking LADDER DIVE right to the Elizabethan ruff! The Dagga Driva adds a few extra humps in there for style and damage. The Bard'll be lucky if he's not fucking paralyzed!!!
Rolled 1 (1d3)

While Cristal maintains her Poison Wave, Wally cracks a joke, "Popping and Locking? More like Stopping and Blocking!! Get it, Cristal?"

But all that comes out are forlorn banshee moans and sloppy fart blips.

The blocked-in Safety Dancer pops off an incredibly weak basic attack at the Bard, trying to get him to start snapping his fingers!
Rolled 53 (1d100)

Finger Snapping roll
Rolled 37 - 25 (1d138 - 25)

Bard's Resist roll (I don't recall how I handled this in the past, but we'll say the Jitterbugging has not started and will not be "processed" until next phase. Imprisoning Darkness still takes effect.)
Rolled 2 (1d20)

(Forgot Finger Snapping's +10 mod but Bard still gets it for 3 turns!! -2 mod to all attack and Resist rolls for 3 turns!!)

Wally of the Whalevoice, ever talkative: "I see how it is, Bard. You're one of those people who like to Dance while no one's looking."

Just more chainsaw-assisted whale abortion noises.

To round out the turn, a Haka Hulk comes down from the North and butts into Ape C, trying to get her to Riverdance, but it's doubly futile. The damage is brutish as ever, however!!

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We've got a few enemies pinning us down! Don't let them get The Humorless Bard! He's near half HP already!!

But we can't stay in this hell-scape, keep moving, there are some Jungle Jams and Misty Mountains ahead where we can get some bonuses to Resist!! Not to mention, it looks like there are Health Patches up there, too!!

Hmmm, we still haven't gotten a glimpse of what Supreme Commander Tango looks like, but we can hear his cackling in the distance... Does he know we're here?

...These Jive Turkeys are sturdy!! Wally's got some comeuppance to cash in, though!!

In the midst of all this chaos, Wally and The Bard are dancing without a care in the world!! No!!! You've got to resist!!!

>Fight back!! Overpower and outmaneuver them!!

Next phase coming in ~12(?) hours.
Rolled 6, 20 = 26 (2d40)

Wally utilizes his 1-turn Reject Society bonus to deal double damage to his attacker(s) last turn, the nearby Jive Turkey!!

>2 basic attacks at double power to the Jive Turkey
>Move 22222222


Apes will act at end of phase again, like last time. Feel free to give them commands again if you like.
Western Jive Turkey defeated!

"Southwestern corridor is clear. Southeastern and Northern corridors... Infested", Wally tries to say in his best operator voice, but all that comes out is "AROOOOOOOOOGAAAAAA"
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Forgot to add Ape C's flower. Sorry for all these blatant fuck-ups.
Rolled 8 (1d19)

>Move 43
>Use Showtime Staunchness
>Move 61
>Basic Attack adjacent Jive Turkey
Rolled 2, 15 + 3 = 20 (2d20 + 3)

>move 12333
>basic attack haka hulk
>Crystalline Claws: haka hulk
>move 23
Rolled 15 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>Use RAREFIED PAST to knock the bard outta his funks.
>Move 61
>Use PALEDRIVER to send the Dagga Driver packing. Move it 21121212
>Move 53 to box in the Safety Dancer again.
Wait, Bard knocked his dances off. I'm gonna transfer the RAREFRIED PAST to Wally, then.
Gracias, amigo.

Ape movements and Disco phase coming soon, followed by the next Mosh phase.
Rolled 5, 9, 9 = 23 (3d10)

Unfortunately, The Bard's Showtime Staunchness actually didn't heal his status effects, only gave him +8HP. And Rarified Past can only heal one status effect at a time. We'll just stick with Wally as the target. The Bard Dances the night away.


The tranquil Apes are on the move! They close in on the enemy and pound away with tranquil fists!!

Ape A splits left to divert the enemy's attention. He skirts the forest, and ambushes the central, full HP Haka Hulk!
>Move 61111233
>Basic attack HH north

Ape B runs right, slamming into Cristal's target - the previously weakened Haka Hulk in the Southeast!
>Move 333
>Basic attack HH southeast
>Move 222116

Ape C stays back, assisting Palewalker and the Bard.
>Move 555
>Basic attack Jive Turkey
>Move 2222


The enemy seems to be fully alerted to our presence now.

Here they come!!!

>Disco Phase begins
Rolled 1 (1d3)

The remaining enemies in the South are perishing quicker than grapes on the vine.

Before we can reap their demise, they strike!!

The impotent Safety Dancer launches his basic ranged attack at Ape C!!
Rolled 18, 17 = 35 (2d20)

Next comes the severely weakened Haka Hulk, left at only 5 HP. He stands in place and performs a Shaka-Laka-Haka!! Both Ape C and Cristal are damaged, but only Cristal needs to worry about Resisting the Headbanging!!
Rolled 4 (1d9)

The Southern Jive Turkey hangs on with 1HP but he aims desperately to end The Humorless Bard, who made him look really uncool!

He can't make him Dance anymore than 2 Dances at a time, this is a damage-based vendetta! Arrivederci!!
Rolled 62 (1d68)

woops that was supposed to be 1d20, I'll take the lower number :o) both Cristal and Ape C are effected

Here's Cristal's Resist...
Rolled 19 (1d20)

The lower Haka Hulk also retreats 1111.

The Southern Jive Turkey just hangs around, hampering The Bard's eastward movements, intending to leave him in Darkness or the Inferno.

The Northern Haka Hulk with 29 HP remaining runs up to Ape B and Wally and tries to get them to Headbang!! Another Shaka-Laka-Haka!!!!!
Rolled 25 (1d98)

Cristal puts up a great fight against Headbanging, can Wally do the same?
Rolled 93, 4, 34 = 131 (3d100)

The Haka Hulks lay down some slobber-knockers!!!

The Ballroom Blitzers descend upon Ape A and Wally!!

1st roll HH headbang Cristal
2nd roll HH headbang Wally
3rd roll BB int freestyle Wally
Rolled 65 (1d98)

Wally resist vs. Int. Freestyle

Cristal begins Headbanging!! She doesn't care, she's a STR build!! And crit fails are crit shmails!! Headbang and fight on, Crystalline Riptail!!!!!!!

Wally won't Headbang, but will he start breaking into an interpretive freestyle??
Rolled 1, 4 = 5 (2d8)

*Due to Jitterbugging, Wally actually does succumb to Headbanging for one turn. Woops. Since he can't use STR dice and he can't use MAG dice... He can't use basic attacks!!! It may be time to call on his lord again...

Here comes the damage from the Ballroom Blitzers.

1st - Ape A
2nd - Wally
Rolled 6 (1d6)

Ending the onslaught is the East-Central Safety Dancer launching a basic attack at Ape A.

The battlefield only gets louder, despite the Mutant Moshers dispatching goons left and right.

>Evil forces close in on us from the South...
Nvm what am I saying, Wally was healed via Rarified Past. He has no Dances currently.
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Oh, no!! Some familiar faces have returned!!

Stanky Legg and one of his Dagga Drivers have returned to hunt you down and reclaim their now-disgraced status in the Disco Division!!

On top of that, the stalwart Lt. Limbo has returned with one of his nimble Ballroom Blitzers!!

They're gonna come for us!

Mutant Moshers, regroup!!!!!


Shifting through crags of Peak Polka, Wally caught a glimpse of Supreme Commander Tango!! He's HUUUUGE, with a back like a Dorito, an outfit like a martian or KISS drummer, and extremely sexually suggestive disco dance moves that would make Cristal drip bio-crystals if she looked him in the crotch too long!!

Supreme Commander Tango - 58HP
Lieutenant Limbo - 30HP (Icon - Campfire)
Master Sergeant Stanky Legg - 30HP (Icon - Red Palm Tree)

Wally and Ape B are in a bad spot!! Ape C is hanging on by a thread!! Our Southern forces aren't exactly having a field day, either!

Disco Division goons in the middle are weak, but they have full-winded reinforcements backing them up from the North and South!!

>Keep avoiding the Disco Inferno tiles, keep fighting! Don't get crunched!!

Next Disco phase in ~12+ hrs.
Rolled 9 (1d10)

Wally tells Ape B to get out of his way so he can unleash a Sperm Whale Blast on this cluster of weakened enemies!!

Before leaving, Ape B takes a pot shot!!
>Basic attack 29/34 HP
>Move 61222 into the Misty Mountains
Rolled 1 (1d20)


Wally steps up
>Basic attack Haka Hulk
>Move 2
>Sperm Whale Blast both HH's and the DD (next roll)
>Move 2221

Don't forget to halve movement through the Misty Mountains, please.

Apes A and C are still open to receiving actions.
Rolled 1 (1d8)

Wally's AoE attack
Wally is weak!!

North-Central Haka Hulk - 18HP
Weak Southern Haka Hulk - 4 HP
Central Dagga Driver - 6HP
Rolled 1, 20 = 21 (2d20)

>Move 11111122
>Pummel the two adjacent enemies into the dirt with a basic attack each.
>Command C to focus on healing and A to take a potshot at the still alive Haka Hulk before duking somewhere safer.
Correction, tell A to take a pot shot on the now 3 HP Haka Hulk to finally kill it.
Rolled 8, 4 = 12 (2d20)

>move 1121
>basic attack diver
>move 66
>basic attack low hp hulk
Rolled 1, 19 = 20 (2d19)

>Basic Attack adjacent Jive Turkey
>Move 161212
>Wicked Jeer Ballroom Blitzer to North East
The Jeer was so potent, that for the safety of others, it will not be repeated in this thread.
Oh god, you called him the n word, didn't you?
rolled wrong dice (2d20 instead of 2d10) and forgot to process a few things, had to delete last post
Rolled 5, 10 = 15 (2d10)

It's a slaughter in Peak Polka!!

Palewalker, Crystalline Riptail, and The Humorless Bard rack up four kills this round!

Ape A slaps the remaining Haka Hulk (1st roll) and tries to guard Ape B. move 33222

Ape C moves 666116 and joins The Bard in the Darkness to Rest (2nd roll)

Ape B... You've served us well. We'll write songs about you (that are impossible to Dance to).

Here comes the enemy!!

...Ouch!! Palewalker loses 3HP from the Disco Inferno under his feet!

>Quotient Phase
Rolled 1, 2, 3 = 6 (3d6)

The entire gaggle of goons and disgraced Mini-Bosses struggle to catch up to our forces, unable to land a single hit. Lt. Limbo and Stanky Legg seem to be begrudgingly working together, trying to close in on Palewalker, Ape C and The Humorless Bard around a jutting crag.

1st roll - Ape B tries to survive against a few more attacks...
2nd roll - Ape A takes one to the furry chin and keeps fighting
3rd roll - Southeast targets Palewalker - "yeah, the Bard is obnoxious, but that guy boxed me in for 2 turns!! Why isn't he Dancing yet? Or even a lil' bloody? Time to change that!!"

The North-central Ballroom Blitzer is just in range to... Come after The Humorless Bard!!!! You shouldn't've said all those slurs and tried to pass it off as wit!!
Rolled 3 (1d8)

Rolled 54, 60 = 114 (2d100)

forgot to explicitly mention these are Safety Dancer rolls

1st roll finger snap @ Palewalker
2nd roll int freestyle @ Bard
Rolled 5 (1d9)

Big fucky wucky: Bard is already dancing two dances. Including Finger Snapping, which means he was unable to kill the Jive Turkey with his pit-iful roll of 1. He still had the juice to OHKO the other goon, though.

The Jive Turkey with 1HP comes back for another attack on The Bard!! His last wish in this world is to see you die!!!
Rolled 13 (1d108)

Palewalker still needs to Resist the Dance, though!! It's powerful!!! Can he do it?? He didn't even bring the right shoes for Dancing!!!
Rolled 1 + 99999999999 (1d1 + 99999999999)

Palewalker reluctantly starts grooving to the Radio Clouds with a distracting but rhythmic snap of his paper-white fingers for 2 turns.


...Every Cinderella story must come to an ending.
The carriage turns back to an onion...
The tank turns back into a fallen ape...
The lobsterman turns back to just a meal that needs more butter.

The Boom-Boxers move in a pincher maneuver.

The Western one is out of range...

But the Eastern one walks right up to the 1HP Ape B...

And plunges his big meaty claw right through his face. He pulls his hammerclaw out and boasts with a booty-shaking Dance as arterial blood sprays squirt from the gaping hole in our friend's head.

>Standby for Revenge...
Rolled 12 (1d20)

Oh yeah, forgot to act for the 13HP Haka Hulk. He stays in place and hits a basic attack on Cristal
Rolled 94 (1d100)

Rolled 25 (1d68)

2 or 3 turns?

Cristal's Movement and Res are halved!! Uh oh!!
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They're closing in on us again, but this does appear to be every last soldier the Disco Division could muster... No other Mutant Moshers have answered the sky signal, maybe Lightning Larry forgot to plug it into the socket?

We fight with what we've got - ourselves!!

We just gotta take down Supreme Commander Tango to stop the music, and the rest of the Disco Division will stop their Dancing!! Probably!

Aside from Palewalker, everyone's in pretty rough condition. Take some time to regroup and Rest if you need to.

The goons seem to be crowding around the Healing Patches, unfortunately. It may be risky to approach.

With the passing of their comrade, Apes A and C are becoming less tranquil... Their basic attack/Rest dice has been raised to 1d15!! They'll still follow your commands, for now...

>Mosh Phase Begins!! Fight for freedom from funk!!

Next Divisor and Dividend Phase in ~8-24 hours!
Please alert me if you see any errors
Rolled 2 (1d19)

>Basic Attack adjacent Jive Turkey
>Move 2222
>Use Revolting Refrain
>Move 166
You ruffians seem to think this music is entertaining huh? Think this is worth dancing to? I'll show you some REAL entertainment! Behold, my glorious tune!
You hilariously swipe at the air while Finger Snapping, leaving the Jive Turkey alive once again.

You then tuck tail and produce the single most horrible song known to mutant-kind.
Rolled 14, 20 = 34 (2d20)

The Humorless Bard already cured Palewalker and Cristal of their Dances.

Wally knows what he must do!!
>Move 1656 to Health Patch for that juicy +5HP

If it weren't so risky to his health, he'd Reject Society again.
...Wally heals to full HP without need of the Health Patch. A tad anticlimactic? Oh well, he's aggro'd all the enemies, so... Turn well spent?
>Use RAREFIED PAST to knock out the Jive Turkey (hey, 3 damage automatically at range 3, bby)
>Use FREQUENCY COMPRESSOR to keep the tree dude in his place.
>Move 1166611, rubbing my face riiight against the safety dancer. Begging him to attack me.

As for the monkes? If Crystal can't put down the Haka Hulk by herself, A will assist her. Otherwise, A will heal and C will pester the Safety Dancer I boxed in before.
Rolled 7, 11 = 18 (2d20)

>Basic attack haka
>move 321
"Don't worry let me just pop these ribs back to their place"
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Frequency... COMPRESSED!!!
Processing Ape and Multiplication Phases in an hour or so
Rolled 9 (1d10)

Ape A sees the Haka Hulk about to fall, and attempts to deliver the finishing blow!
>Move 5
>Basic Attack Haka Hulk
>Move 22
Rolled 7 (1d15)

Woopsies, the actual dice I'm supposed to use is 1d15 now. Re-roll for posterity.
Rolled 2 - 2 (1d15 - 2)

Ape C hears the Haka Hulk fall and seizes her opportunity to advance, with a parting gift for that Safety Dancer that Palewalker was bullying.
>Move 33
>Fling at the 9HP goon
>Move 2222122

>Ape Phase over...

Our squad is hiking over the last crag, currently free of the 8 Deadly Dances, but here comes the Disco Division, making another pass at us!!

(eating dinner, brb)
Rolled 2, 3, 2 = 7 (3d4)

The bullied Safety Dancer is vigilant, and deftly dodges the Fling.

Even though he's in a groove, he's on the move!! Here he comes, along with his pissed off brethren in the north!!

They all prep their Disco Biscuit Launchers, easily the most complicated tech in the Disco Division other than Tango's FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT.

These Disco Biscuits tickle when they hit us, and they taste a little bitter...




They're trying to get everyone to Limbo!!

1st roll - South to Cristal
2nd roll - Central to Palewalker
3rd roll - North to Wally
Rolled 13, 14, 16 = 43 (3d100)

Egad! Here come the Dance rolls!!
Rolled 107 + 10 (1d108 + 10)

Aw, man, these pills ARE BUNK!!! WHAT GIVES, MAN??

Palewalker Resist
Rolled 9 + 10 (1d68 + 10)

Cristal won't succumb!! ...Will she?
Rolled 45 (1d98)

Cristal THINKS she's feeling something, but the Jungle Jam heat makes even the thought of Dancing intolerable.

Wally... Were you lying about the pills just to look cool? You don't have to do that, man...
Rolled 10, 4 = 14 (2d12)

Here come two snips from the Boom-Boxers to punish the liar!! Eat basic attacks, you fiend, err... Me!
Rolled 2, 6 = 8 (2d8)

On top of that, the Southern Ballroom Blitzers chase does their targets in dazzling fashion!!

Roll1 - Basic attack on Bard
Roll2 - Basic attack on Cristal
Rolled 38, 7, 3, 62 = 110 (4d100)

1,2 Headbang on Wally
3,4 Int Freestyle on Bard/Cristal
Rolled 44, 84 = 128 (2d98)

Wally tries not to Headbang!!
Rolled 4 + 10 (1d68 + 10)

Wally will not Dance!!

The Humorless Bard scoffs at the thought of Dancing. Does that count as humor?

Anyway, Cristal tries her best to Resist!! It'll be tough!!!
Rolled 17 (1d18)

The Dagga Driver drives North, but his leader Stanky Legg is frozen in place!! Will he be unable to attack the Mutant Moshers again? Perhaps it was a stroke of fate that he somehow got that position from under the nose of the far-more competent Humorless Bard.

It's probably his sick ass Dance moves on the battlefield dancefloor, which he can't even utilize right now.

Lt. Limbo huffs and puffs, trying to close in on the good guys for a mighty attack.

Rounding off the Disco Phase is the Northern Dagga Driver, coming down to perform a Ladder Dive on Wally
Rolled 19 (1d100)

Dance roll
Rolled 72 (1d98)

Wally's getting banged up in the field!! He's down to 11HP already!!

Wally sees Cristal interpretive freestyling, he kind of wants to join in with his own brand of awkward Popping and Locking... NO!! Gotta... Stay... Focuseeddd?!
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Cristal is Interpretive Freestyling for 2 turns, only narrowly escaping a third turn.
She secretly knows how dumb she looks, even though she's also positive she looks FIERCE.
She's got a 25% chance to do something wacky! Will we free her, or let her do her thing and take her chances?


Despite the relentless assault on the mutated freak, Wally firmly stands his ground and wipes his baleen filters of blood.

This Dancing nonsense has got to stop.

He looks to the North and sees Tango. After sicking almost all of his goons on you, he's nearly alone!!

But we're completely surrounded...

>Decide how to proceed, Mutant Moshers! Call the shots for Apes A and C!!

Next Disco Division Phase comes in ~12 hours, don't let it be a deadly one!!!
Rolled 4, 8 = 12 (2d19)

>Basic Attack adjacent Ballroom Blitzer twice
>Move 111
Rolled 5, 14 + 2 = 21 (2d20 + 2)

>Move 4
>Punch the injured Ballroom Blitzer in the teeth to knock it out
>Move 3234443
>Send the campfire into the fucking shadowrealm with a PALEDRIVER. (The second dice is the +2 PALEDRIVER roll) Send it 55566555.


As for the monkes? They should focus on assisting Wally by distracting and beating the shit outta the enemies.
Rolled 8, 15 = 23 (2d20)

>basic attack blizer
Rolled 3 (1d4)

The Humorless Bard and Palewalker mercilessly beat a beatnik ballerina beyond breath... Blatantly!!

Later, Palewalker launches le lunatic Lieutenant Limbo 'leven leagues longitudinally!! Hasta la vista, Loser!!!

Cristal looks to Wally. Will he Croon and protect her from the Dance? Wally looks focused on other things unfortunately.

Cristal Interpretive Freestyles away, while trying to remain effective on the battlefield.

Will Cristal be able to perform her activities, or will she do something wacky?
1 = fail
2-4 = success
Rolled 7 (1d20)

Wally runs away!! He kinda broke the rules and Rested two times last turn even though Rest has a 1 turn Cooldown, so we'll punish him by not letting him get Rest this turn!!

He can't exactly stay in his current hex, either, it's way too risky!!

>Basic Attack on SE Boom-Boxer
>Move 34444
>Sperm (Whale) Blast on hex 55555, hitting Safety Dancer and Dagga Driver (next roll)
Rolled 4 (1d8)

Get blasted, fiends!!!


Cristal smacks the Blitzer fiercely and recovers a large sum of HP.
Rolled 11, 2 = 13 (2d15)

Ape C sees the weakness in the bullied Safety Dancer, but knows that it won't escape Palewalker's glare.

Cristal's Ballroom Blitzer isn't that powerful...

Ape C instead fixes the flower behind her ear and...
>Moves 11
>Basic Attacks the weakened Boom-Boxer
>Moves 55

Ape A follows suit and moves to protect Wally
>Basic Attack the weakened Boom-Boxer
>Move 33


>Disco Phase!! Here they come, sashaying and grapevining like no tomorrow!!
Quick change**
Ape A moves 44 not 33
Rolled 1, 3, 3, 1, 1, 2, 3, 2 = 16 (8d3)

Rolling for goon initiatives. 1's cannot act, 2's and 3's act.
Rolling left to right, top down.

Both Mini-bosses act (but are out of range to do anything this turn).
5 Northernmost enemies do not get included in the roll and do not act.

Brace yourselves!!
Rolled 5, 2 = 7 (2d6)

North-central Dagga Driver does not act.
Southeastern Boom-Boxer does not act.
West-central Safety Dancer does not act.

The weakened Safety Dancer attacks his tormentor, Palewalker!!
Another basic attack is launched by the other Safety Dancer at Ape C!!
Rolled 9 (1d18)

The acting Boom-Boxer is out of range, so he doubles back to protect Tango!!

Smelling blood, the Southern Dagga Driver performs his Ladder Dive on Palewalker, then runs 33223!!
A Question on cooldowns: Does a Cooldown of 1 turn mean you can only use the ability again on the next turn, or does it mean once you use it once, the next turn you can't use it, but then you can the turn after?
Rounding off the turn is the Ballroom Blitzer who runs straight for Wally!!
Wally only barely survives.

Dance/Res rolls incoming
Cooldown 0: Can use twice per turn, every turn
Cooldown 1: Can use once per turn, every turn (Must wait for 1 Mutant Phase to end before using again)
Cooldown 2/3: Can use once, then must wait for 2/3 Mutant Phases to end before you can use it again
Rolled 4 (1d8)

Forgot the 1d8
Rolled 36, 15, 83 = 134 (3d100)

1st Fing Snap/Palewalker
2nd Pop&Lock/Palewalker
3rd Int Freestyle/Wally
Rolled 90, 100 = 190 (2d108)

Palewalker's Resists (He also loses 3HP from ending his turn on a Disco Inferno tile)
Rolled 26 + 10 (1d98 + 10)

Palewalker eats damage and shits pain. And he just had a large brunch. Watch out, Disco Dividers.

Wally tries to Resist!
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Wally starts Dancing for 2 turns, but he's in good company, he's protected from most angles.

The Humorless Bard ventures West, alone, to where the weak enemies are.

Lt. Limbo and Msgt. Stanky Legg approach quickly, pissed off they have been unable to reach out and touch you!

We may want to think about ditching the Minibosses before they get too close!!

Then again... What would happen if we defeated them before fighting Tango?

One of them is already reduced below half HP... Hmm...

We're still severely outnumbered!!

Oh no... On top of that, the Imprisoning Darkness is creeping in again from the South!! Soon we won't have any refuge!!

Supreme Commander Tango electronically cackles over the music and takes out his biggest ghetto blaster ever and cranks up the tunes!!! Wally and Cristal can't help but groove along!!!


Wait... Supreme Commander Tango is a... ROBOT?!?!? No wait, there's clearly a man's face under the helmet - he's a cyborg!! No wonder the constant Dancing never wears him out - his body is assisted by mechanical servos and gasoline engines!!

Don't let that discourage you, he can still be defeated!!

>Never stop fighting, Mutant Moshers!!!

Disco Phase coming in ~8-24 hrs.
Rolled 7, 20 = 27 (2d20)

"Die, weakling."
>Move 65
>Smash the burning campfire guy with a solid basic attack.
>If he's still alive after it, smash him again. Otherwise, wipe out the also adjacent safety dancer.
>Move 226116
Rolled 13, 1 = 14 (2d19)

>Basic Attack adjacent Safety Dancer twice
>Move 3
Rolled 9, 2 + 3 = 14 (2d20 + 3)

>Crystalline claws: to enemy next to me
>basic attack to him also
>move 21
Lieutenant Limbo has been defeated!!

A small earpiece fizzles out and blows up, still on his head!

In a chain reaction, one of two remaining power lines from the iridescent radio tower snaps and falls down!! It slithers and wriggles until it joins two previously fallen and currently sizzling power lines. Four power lines, three already snapped...

Some of the clouds clear up overhead, the music dies down and the Imprisoning Darkness slows its creep - just a little!

Some mechanical grinding and locking sounds are heard to the North, as if from an abrupt stop. Is that the FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT or...?

In the distance, we hear Tango is capable of more than just villainous cackling; his robotic frame lets out a frustrated electronic groan which quickly gives rise to an outright primal scream!!

We must've done something to anger him!!

>BONUS: All attacks vs. Supreme Commander Tango have a +1 mod!!
(As Private Potato Salad and Major General Monkey Bravo have already been defeated, any armor that Tango may have had is already gone!)

(Processing Wally and the Apes, then the Disco Phase)
Rolled 20, 11 = 31 (2d20)

Wally goes absolutely nuts, and throws caution to the wind!! He's pissed!!

>Basic attack nearby Ballroom Blitzer (9HP)
>Move 66
>Basic attack nearby Dagga Driver (6HP IF Cristal passes her Freestyling roll, otherwise 20HP)
>Move 561656
Rolled 2, 3 = 5 (2d4)

1st Cristal's Freestyle
2nd Wally's Freestyle
(1's are fails)
Rolled 8, 15 = 23 (2d15)

Success! Two more enemies smoked. Apes, go clean up the rest of the riff raff!!

The daintier Ape C shores up the Northwest with Crystal.
>Move 11
>Basic attack Boom-Boxer (5HP)
>Move 32

The sturdier Ape A shores up the south and tries to put the dorky Safety Dancer out of his misery.
>Move 555
>Basic Attack Safety Dancer (5HP)
>Move 1
Kids, doing Disco Biscuits won't make you cool.
Only being a tranquil ape with the potential to turn adult bone into blood-dust slurry in a split second makes you truly cool.

>Disco Phase incoming, and they're dancing an angry dance now!! No joy remains in their movements, only grit and spit!!
Rolled 14 (1d20)

Ape A is the only thing standing in between Stanky Legg and Palewalker.

He thinks he's doing Palewalker a favor, but his Ape brain doesn't understand the disparity in HP and the power of Stanky Legg. Right when it clicks, Stanky Legg hits Ape A with his signature move - Do It To 'Em!

This move has no Cooldown and has a high damage potential, making it super deadly!!

On top of that, if Ape A was already Dancing, he would take double damage from this move!!

Will he survive?? Ape C nervously chomps at her fingernails...
Rolled 6 (1d12)

Ape A falls.
Rest in peace, warrior.

Ape C is fired up, but will she survive her own assault from the nearby Boom-Boxer??


The Northeastern passage is completely choked with full HP foes, better think of a way around.
Or is fighting them in a narrow passage better than finding flanks and running around in the open?
Rolled 2 (1d12)

Ape C remains standing at 3 HP. But she's not the same anymore. She's not tranquil at all... She's on a rampage!! We can't control her!!! (Ape C is uncontrollable but her basic attack die has risen to 1d20)

The remaining Dagga Driver runs up on Cristal and hits her with a basic attack.

Don't start Limboing now, Cristal, that'll be a HUGE distraction!! Plus, you just shook off the Interpretive Freestlying, aren't your bio-crystals getting clogged with sweat?
Rolled 4, 5 = 9 (2d6)

Safety Dancers launch their attacks at Cristal (1st roll) and Wally (2nd roll)

Will Wally bite the dust? Or continue his crooning crusade? (dies on 5/6)
Rolled 84, 51 = 135 (2d100)

Wally has fallen...
(QM will create a new Mutant with 30 stat points and deploy on any tile next turn)

To round out the turn, the nearest Breaktrancer also clogs up the central passage with the Safety Dancer.

Let's see if Cristal is the dancing type:
1 Limbo
2 Finger Snapping
Rolled 30, 25 + 10 = 65 (2d68 + 10)

You gotta try to Resist!!! It won't be easy!!! (Or entirely possible!!!)
Limbo - 2 turns
Finger Snap - 1 turn

>Limboing if paired with Finger Snapping produces a -11 mod
>After Fing Snap expires, it's still a -6 mod for one more turn

We can't let Cristal suffer through that!! She won't even be able to Rest properly if she's Dancing like a drunken, chicken-slaughtering, Haitian voodoo priest!! I can see down her top, though... Score!!!

Maybe the new mysterious Mutant Mosher will have something that can help...? Maybe not, though!!

All enemies are at full HP.

We tried so hard, and got so far... But in the end, will it even matter?

...NO!!!! Don't succumb to the Darkness and the Inferno!! We've got to stop this!!
For Lightning Larry, The Iron Boot, Iron Mom, Seneca the Disco Foreteller and Wally of the Whalevoice!!
Don't let their deaths be for naught!! Bring serenity and reason back to Port Polka!!
AGGGGHHH, this sentence has THREE exclamation points!!! That's so many!!!
Yeah!!! Lots of action is going on right now and I'm letting you know with punctuation!!!

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The Southern field is quieting down.

The North is still crawling with minions and shooting noise pollution so loud that even Bon Scott would have to say "please shut that shit the fuck off."

There's a gap in the Northwest passage. Should we exploit it now, or regroup first?

The pursuing enemies have been thinned, but the deadly disgrace known as Stanky Legg is still lurking in the Jungle Jam, looking for his next victim. He's dreaded up like the predator in Vietfuckingnam, all he needs is the infrared heat vision and shoulder-mounted missile launcher.

Don't let him take another mark.

The Imprisoning Darkness swirls in an odd, inanimate dance of its own, not sure if it's coming or going. How peculiar...

Supreme Commander Tango dances alone, menacingly, in front of the rainbow-steel radio tower, still pumping his jams through the broadcast channels. After the devastation we've been laying upon his Disco Division, Supreme Commander Tango has very few goons left to defend him.

We've got our work cut out for us. Let's put our mutated noses to the grindstone.

The Mutant Mosher Motto? "You can mutate my body, but you'll never mutilate my spirit!"

>Show 'em we mean business!! Peak Polka is ours if we want it bad enough!!

(Was that not powerful enough because I keep overusing exclamation points? Let me try this...)

>>>>>>>Show 'em we mean business!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Peak Polka is ours if we want it bad enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Mutant Mosher reinforcement will arrive and take his/her turn in a few hours, it's up to you if you want to wait to see what s/he brings to the table, or if you want to act on your own. Ape C isn't in the mood for suggestions any more, but the new Mutant Mosher can lend a hand if you tell him the plan.

The next Disco Division Phase comes in ~12-16 hours.

I'll likely roll for initiative for the goons again, similar to here >>5288585
Rolled 18 (1d19)

>Move 33
>Use Revolting Refrain
>Basic Attack Palm Tree
>Move 33
The Limbo? You shouldn't be so low to the ground right when I'm about to play my next piece!
Rolled 11 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>Move 3
>The sounds of the radio crackles out of the palewalker's mouth. The screams of a deranged office worker screeches at the Stanky Legg master.
>Grab Stanky Leg tightly and PALEDRIVER him into the fucking dirt. If he somehow survives, send him 66665555
>FREQUENCY COMPRESS the Safety Dancer near the health tiles.
>Move 6611
Rolled 13, 8 - 3 = 18 (2d15 - 3)

With a mighty combo, Stanky Legg is REKT


The final main wire falls from the FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT, sputtering to the earth, fizzling out sparks

The Disco Division is a paper tiger at this point, all of Tango's power lies in his massive form and Dancing expertise

>BONUS: All attacks vs. Supreme Commander Tango now have a +2 mod!!


Just in time for a new partner!!

>Philip, the "Crusty Bubbler"
>DUR 10 STR 10 MAG 0 SPD 4 CHA 6
HP 40 | Move 7 | Res 55 | 1d15 basic attack
-Filth Bubble, Cooldown 0, Ranged attack with a -3 mod. Range 5.
-Septic Salvo, Cooldown 3. Performs 2 basic attacks on a single target with -3 mods on each.
-Filthy French Kiss, Cooldown 2. Rids an adjacent ally of all Dances they suffer from. Deals 3 damage to them, though.


Crusty Bubbler deploys on an invisible dinosaur on the edge of the map, Direction 33 from Cristal. Then...
>Move 6
>Filthy French Kiss Cristal, she's free of all Dances!! And it only took two of my other characters perma-dying for me to make a new Mutant who gets to kiss her!! Coom achieved. Quest over.
>Just kiddin'! Move 1
>Septic Salvo on the nearby baddie
>Move 5
Rolled 16 (1d20)

The Raging Ape C flies in to finish off the last Dagga Driver, whom only has 9 HP left after The Crusty Bubbler's Septic Salvo.

>Move 5616
>Basic attack Dagga Driver
>End turn on the Health Patch, +5 HP

Can the Ape finish off the goon?
Is she marching toward her death?
Do we get the gal at the end of the flick?

Tune in tomorrow morning/noon to find out!!
I already used Revolting Refrain to free her from Dances...
Aw shit, how can I into reading? Oh well, still got a kiss (and transmitted an STD) stop cockblocking, bro. <<<INTERNAL SCREAMING>>>


Gonna give it a few more hours, maybe head to the desert for a while before updating.
Rolled 4, 5 + 3 = 12 (2d20 + 3)

>move 11
>basic attack safety dancer
>crystalline claws: on safety dancer
Rolled 2 (1d2)

Rolled 7 (1d12)

Idk why I moved onto Cristal's tile before it was empty, but we'll just roll with it.
Since Ape C/Cristal share a tile, we'll add Direction 6 to Cristal's move, still landing her on a Health Patch.

The Safety Dancer

...The world's very last Boom-Boxer goes for a pincher attack and tries to corner the Bard before he gets a chance to heal!! He Headbangs right towards the Bard!!!
Rolled 2 (1d4)

The Safety Dancer in front of Paledriver sees how Palewalker did his boy, and slaps him with the ol' Disco Biscuit Launcher!! He really wants you to Limbo, dude!!
Rolled 1 (1d8)

The Breaktrancer runs back and comes in to deal the finishing blow to Ape C... B-Boy Bonk!!!
Rolled 6 (1d9)

The Haka Hulk trundles down to the fight but gets stuck in the Misty Mountains of Peak Polka. He's not far off, though.

Tango barks at the remaining Breaktrancer in the corner: "Hey!! Don't just Dance in place, get in there and fight for your Supreme Commander!!"

He does so, with gusto.

To round off the turn, the last Jive Turkey in the universe runs in and does his best to drive a wedge between the Mutant Moshers, and end the 2HP Ape C...

Her flower falls to the wind...

Rolled 19, 61 = 80 (2d100)

1st roll
2nd roll
Rolled 43 + 10 (1d108 + 10)

Palewalker Resist
Rolled 120 + 10 (1d138 + 10)

The Palewalker consumes the powerful psychotropics, but does not dance.

Bard Resist
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(Roll should be halved by Cool Waters. Ape C still dies from Jive Turkey.)


The Crusty Bubbler's icon is an orange Cannon.

The Humorless Bard easily avoids vulgar movements like the ones it takes to Headbang, so it's no surprise he Resists the Dance. He is, however, in dire straits, with less than 25% of his HP. Not to mention, he's in the thick off the fight. (Apologies for cutting off the bottom row of Jungle Jam hexes. You can still use those tiles if you need to.)

The Imprisoning Darkness has stopped spreading, but Tango maintains his control of the environment and Disco Division Dancers closest to him. He refuses to move from his malfunctioning radio tower. We'll have to chase him down on his turf and his terms.

There's a gaggle of goons in the center of Peak Polka. We don't need to finish them all off if we can take down Tango quickly, but they block some of our paths, and will surely pursue us into the Darkness and Inferno ahead, which will rob us of our natural defenses.

What do we do? The tranquil apes back at the Sanctuary can't guide us now, and all their willing warriors have been slain...

No reinforcements are coming for either side.
The enemy outnumbers us two to one.
The fate of the universe is clearly on the line.

We must look within for our own unique strength, which we have in spades.
That was obviously the message of this quest the whole time.

>WAR!!!!!!!! KILL!!!!!!! MURDER THEM!!!!!!!!!

Disco Phase coming in ~12-13hrs.
(Please let me know if there are any discrepancies)
Rolled 18 (1d20)

>First, FREQUNCY COMPRESS the Boomboxer into eating ass and standing there.
>Move 22333
>Punch the Jive Turkey in the teeth to heavily damaged it (nat 20, bby, for a one shot?)
>Move 23
Rolled 12 (1d19)

>Move 121
>Use Showtime Staunchness
Can't believe my unique 3 turn cooldown ability got powercrept by a 1 turn cooldown Rest action literally everyone including Apes can do. Why does QM hate my character so much? QQ
>Move 65
>Basic Attack Jive Turkey
Rolled 10 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>move 3
>Crystalline claws: on wounded safety dancer
>Crystalline shell
Rolled 2 (1d2)

Akkkssshuallyyyyy, if you don't count dirty cheating fucks, like Wally of the Whalevoice, you are the only character who can heal twice in a turn (once every three turns, lol)!

Plus, you have the ranged basic attack, and the handsome green grape icon, and-

And, and, and...

Nah, you're right, that move is an abortion.



Palewalker leaves the Jive Turkey strutting and gobbling in place in his blue suede shoes, a hole in his chest, barely breathing. Palewalker keeps running into position and chanting a foreign incantation...

The Humorless Bard, with his typical dour expression, steps in and (mercifully?)(joyfully?)(blankly?) slays the last of a strange breed after absorbing its performer's essence.

Crystal stays on the Health Patches in preparation for the final Showdown with Tango. Just as she tries to rest and wipe The Crusty Bubbler's filth off her mouth, the nearby Safety Dancer comes back into Frequency and spooks Cristal!! She responds by clawing it to DEATH and then putting up her Crystalline Shell.

Palewalker is about to unleash his spell from the Cool Waters in front of the Haka Hulk. Before he does, he mumbles to himself... "Should I use 440 hertz or 432 hertz? Hmm... Here goes..."


The Boom-Boxer's pincher attack is a fail, as the Mutant Moshers pass through the Misty Mountains and ditches him in the Jungle Jam, his brain frequency so compressed he can't pursue us.

The Crusty Bubbler shoots a dirty filth bubble out of his mutant muffler-lung, struggling to breathe, as per usual.
Rolled 10, 3 - 3 = 10 (2d15 - 3)

The Breaktrancers are the weakest enemies, but The Crusty Bubbler can't get a clean melee shot due to the environment!!

He instead charges in to the Disco Inferno, turns around and fires off two shots, hoping they'll result in a kill!

>Move 111122
>Filthy Bubble x2 on Southern Breaktrancer

Tango shoots some kind of Dance Ray at The Crusty Bubbler, but it's just short of hitting him. Tango doesn't even look tired after shooting it. Is it possible that Tango has two attacks per turn, just like a Mutant Mosher?

The Crusty Bubbler uses his scouter to check Supreme Commander Tango's power levels.

...It's over 9000!!!

Looks like Tango's got 58HP, a "basic" attack that hits in every direction for potentially massive damage and applies Tangoing; and a Range 3, Cooldown 1, single-target Dance ray known as Dance Commander's Rebuke, which has a super duper heavy chance of making us do the Tango AND some other random Dance, but deals no damage. Let's not forget that while he's using his life force to power the failing FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT, we'll have +2 mods on all our attacks against him!!

There's a Panic! At the Disco (Division).

The remaining goons come in for an attack!!

Rolled 5, 4 = 9 (2d8)

The Boom-Boxer is as if covered in a wave of static electricity and blank radio signals. He doesn't move, not even an antenna.

The Northern Breaktrancer tries to get at C.B., but he's just a tad too bogged down by his JNCO jeans to catch up.

The one in the South has just enough gumption to get in between The Humorless Bard and Mobilesuit Riptail to perform a B-Boy Bonk on both of them!! (Int. Freestyle)

Meanwhile, the last Safety Dancer retreats and reloads his Disco Biscuit Launcher, and takes aim at Crusty Bubbler! (Limbo)
(2nd roll gets halved. doing this to save time/space)
Palewalker's taunt on the Haka Hulk... Will it prove fatal for him?? Har har, not a chance!! But boy, oh boy, did he just soften you up for Supreme Commander Tango!!

>Disco Phase over.
Rolled 17 (1d20)

Forgot Haka Hulk damage roll.
Rolled 23, 5, 21, 47 = 96 (4d100)



Limbo/Crusty Bubbler
River Dance/Palewalker
Rolled 18 (1d68)

Rolled 33 (1d55)

Bard auto-Resists with his +10 mod from Misty Mountain. Don't make him scoff.

CB resist roll
Rolled 9 (1d108)

(Riptail begins Interpretive Freestlying for 1 turn. 25% chance to perform random actions.)

Crusty Bubbler can't dance, foo! He'll blow out a muffler!!

Finally, palewalker's resist
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(I'm a big ol' dummy, Riptail's Crystalline Shell protected her from all DMG and Dances last turn.)

After his attack, the Haka Hulk retreats into the Darkness, laughing and Headbanging all the way.

His crippling attack leaves Palewalker Riverdancing for 2 turns. His Movement and Resistance is halved!! That can't be good. (4 move, 54 Resist)

5 goons run around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to retreat to protect Tango, or perhaps seek his protection from the Mutant Moshers.

Speaking of beheadings, there's only one left to perform on the hydraulic hipster hydra known as the Disco Division.

We will defeat Tango and rebuild Port Polka. There's no compromising with or backing down from this enemy.

>Tango taunts the Mutant Moshers and shakes his booty to the infectious grooves, now at an almost-bearable volume. Approach with caution, Tango's still powerful!!

Wango Tango Phase coming in ~12 hours
By my math, I should have healed for 14 from Staunchness, then taken 5 damage, so healing for 9 from 9 HP -> 18 HP.
Rolled 4, 3 + 2 = 9 (2d15 + 2)

You are correct, I did something goofy again. I don't hate you, I swear. When this is all over, I'll give you a Filthy French Kiss, extra tongue and extra muffler.

Woops... Forgot to crop the picture this time. Oh well.

Also forgot to subtract 3HP from Crusty Bubbler for ending his turn on a Disco Inferno tile.

Crusty Bubbler moves in to poke the bear!!
>Move 12
>Basic attack Breaktrancer 12/12HP
>Move 11
>Basic attack Tango 58/58HP (this gets the +2 mod, the first attack does not)
>Move 555

Septic Salvo is off Cooldown next turn!

Hahaha, this'll be a breeze if Tango doesn't move! Ha... ha...
Rolled 4, 10 = 14 (2d19)

>Move 16
>Basic Attack Safety Dancer
Rolled 15, 4 = 19 (2d20)

>Focus on resting twice
>Move 6666
Rolled 8, 13 + 3 = 24 (2d20 + 3)

>basic attack enemy next to me
>move 11212
>Crystalline claws on leafin middle
You can only rest once a turn
Rolled 13 (1d20)

As moving 6666 would put Palewalker inside of a geyser (Obstacle), we'll move him onto a Health Patch next to The Humorless Bard so he can heal more and still remain in range to rush in and Paledrive Tango through his own dark inferno.

Since Palewalker Focused really hard, and since Wally was a no-good fink, I'll allow his double Rest.

He focuses so hard, the whole team can do it... Once!!

Everyone can do it exactly one time, meaning Crystalline Riptail and The Humorless Bard may double Rest once, if they choose to do so. Crusty Bubbler and Palewalker cannot double Rest anymore.

Some lost notes I just rediscovered:
Add map-by-map rules/"laws" like FFTA2
Add plus marks (+) to Health Patches
and I'm also a little disappointed in myself for not killing you guys more.


Cristal rends through two Breaktrancers at once!! She just levelled the playing field!!

Here they come, now!

>Tango Phase begins!!!!

The Boom-Boxer comes out of back-to-back frequency compression and falls back in to pursuit of the Mutant Moshers, but he ends up short, steaming mad in the Cool Waters.

The Haka Hulk sees Crystalline Riptail flying through the Imprisoning Darkness, and Crusty Bubbler suffering in the Disco Inferno. He walks over and tries to get both of them to join in Headbanging with him with a fierce(?) Shaka-Laka-Haka!!
>and I'm also a little disappointed in myself for not killing you guys more.
You came pretty darn close to wiping us all out, and imo it's better to err on the side of killing too few of your players
Rolled 1 (1d4)

The Safety Dancer isn't done with his Disco Biscuit Launcher!!

He moves 333 and shoots The Humorless Bard!! Why won't this prick just Dance?!?!!!?

"Take this!", he mimics in clever hand movements and body language! (It's actually kinda cool!)

Don't start Limboing now, Bard!







Cyborg Dance Commander: "Nyeh heh heh..."

What... OH MY!!!!!
To be utterly honest, I sorta panicked at my low HP and forgot.
Rolled 4 (1d5)

Event: Supreme Commander Tango has detached the now-useless cables from his back, and he moves in to attack!! He's got 10 Move!!! What the?!?!?!?! (We still have +2 mods on attacks against him)

As Tango runs in to attack his mutated and crippled nemeses, the radio tower falls!!!!

That's incredibly dangerous, not to mention the Obstacle it'll be to get around it!

Which direction does it fall? (Deals 10 damage and blocks a path)
1 Far West (No damage dealt)
2 Mid West (Bard + Safety Dancer)
3 Dead Center (Palewalker + Safety Dancer + Supreme Commander Tango)
4 Mid East (Riptail + Bubbler + Haka Hulk + Boom Boxer)
5 Far East (No damage dealt)

Don't look now, here comes the big man!!!
Rolled 18 (1d20)

(Tango's attack vs. Riptail/Bubbler)

No worries


Tango Dances as the FPSDBSBJGTSSMOTHRT falls on friends and foes alike. He's clearly gone mad, if we didn't already have that idea.

He moves 5554343

He corners Riptail and Bubbler, slapping them with his deadly basic attack!!

He then moves 556 and faces down his old prospect, The Humorless Bard.

In Tango's cackling, crackling, electronic voice: "You never could Dance, Bard, let alone hold a tune. Before you perish, I long to see you dance a jig. How about the Tango and some River Dancing!
(Safety Dancer's Limbo takes priority)
Rolled 93, 2, 50, 51, 43 = 239 (5d100)


Rolled 52 (1d55)

Cristal's max roll = 68 - 25 = 43... vs 93 = Auto 3 turns of Headbanging (Crit fails on 1-3, can only use STR dice. Not a huge deal for her)

C'mon Crusty Bubbler, roll a 2 or higher!! Can you do it?!?!! (rolling for legal purposes)
Rolled 63, 71, 36 = 170 (3d138)

Here we go, Bard. Your ultimate test.

Are you Tango's puppet after all your Resistance to him, Dancing when he says Dance?

We shall see... (No way you dodge all these lol)
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I may get my chance yet


With a Shaka-Laka-Haka, a Supreme Commander's basic attack, and a Flower-Power, Sucka-Don't-Be-Sour, Bumpin', Jammin', Got-The-Speakers-Slammin', Man-Of-The-Hour's Radio Tower falling on top of him, The Crusty Bubbler is DEAD. Lol.

QM will make a new character and deploy again...


Cristal is left with 1HP.

Due to Palewalker's Riverdance, he actually only makes it to Cristal's old Health Patch.

The Bard's face contorts into the angriest fucking thing you've ever seen.

Two turns of Riverdancing...

And one turn of Tangoing!!!

Everyone knows it takes two to Tango!!! The Humorless Bard grabs Palewalker by the waist and steps his hips into Palewalker's like he's scissoring him or something!! >>5272534

You're Tangoing back and forth in the Health Patches, neither of you guys can move for 1 turn!! If you use any other non-move action, you'll deal 5 damage to yourself!! Do you wait it out? It's dangerous out here!! We need help!

The enemies have us where they want us.

>Don't give up, fight!! Fight, fight, fight!!

Next Tango Phase likely coming in ~12-16 hours
I should be at 27 HP, since I'm in a health patch
Are you sure you don't hate my character QM? This is a whole lot of convenient errors not in my favor... :P
>Tangoing from 3 spaces apart
>Can't move
How, exactly? I thought you needed to be adjacent to your Tango partner to Tango. Surely we would be able to move closer to each other, right?
Ah, you see, here's the issue. A skill issue.
>Use RAREFIED PAST to knock Tango off of The bard and ergo myself as well
>Use FREQUENCY COMPRESSOR to fuck up Mr. Skull and Crossbones
>Sit there and heal via the health patch.
Rolled 3, 9 + 2 = 14 (2d19 + 2)

>Basic Attack Supreme Commander Tango twice
Rolled 11, 7 + 3 = 21 (2d20 + 3)

>move 5
>Crystalline claws safety dancer
>move 454456
Also didint haka hulk take dmg from tower
Rolled 2, 11 = 13 (2d20)

...My family was murdered by humorless bards when I was but a child. I am... The Bratman.

Sorry for the vagueries on Tangoing. I was torn on whether or not to move characters together as per >>5272534 the "latch onto" verbiage.

**Henceforth, Tangoing will attract the second target to the first across hexes, as if magnetized by the music and burning urge to Dance.

Woops, yes


FREQUENCY.........TOO........STRONG............CAN'T FULLY....... COMPRESS....................
(Tango can't Move, but he can still Act!!)

Palewalker tries his hardest, but has to give up before the reverse-frequency blew his brain into mush.

What's this out comes a severely fat and sluggish Mutant Mosher, who climbed up Peak Polka to surprise attack Supreme Commander Tango, but he's way too late now!! He's huffing and puffing, is he in shape for this fight?

>Deploy at Disco Inferno to left of Tango's old spot
>Move 5544
>Basic attack the 4HP Safety Dancer twice to turn him into mincemeat for more wieners
>Move 5 to Disco Inferno

QM's new character:
>"Bratman" (Icon: orange "monolith")
>DUR 4 STR 15 MAG 0 SPD 0 CHA 11
HP 30 | Move 5 | Res 82 | 1d20 basic attack
-Weenie Toss, Cooldown 1, Range 10. Conjure a Phantom Phrank from the God-Toh realm and launch it. Does exactly 1 damage. Cannot be affected by roll mods. Removes all Dances if used on an ally.
-Mustard. Just Mustard., Cooldown 1, Shoot a beam of mustard out of your armpits and swirl around in all directions. This does nothing at all.
-Your Wurst Nightmare, Cooldown 3, Perform a basic attack. If you damage the target, they are humiliated and perhaps exposed to salmonella.
Rolled 10 (1d10)

>Tango Phase II begins!!

His robot voice barks "Gah! I can't move! Hit him again with the Disco Biscuit Launcher, let's see how low they can go!!"

The Safety Dancer falls to a flurry of attacks before he can launch his attack.

The Haka Hulk is not as hindered, even though a radio tower just fell on him. He rushes 55555 into the cool waters, tired. Since he can't hit another cooling-down Shaka-Laka-Haka, he just grimaces at Palewalker and bashes The Humorless Bard for pure damage. Halved by Cool Waters, naturally.
Rolled 2 (1d10)

The Bard is manhandled by the raging Hulk.

We tried holding him back forever, but the aggro'd Boom-Boxer comes in to smack the pale motherfucker who keeps turning the music in his head off! He goes for a 1d12 basic attack...

He changes his mind when he notices the crippled Crystalline Riptail and attempts to take her as well in his signature move, a Boom-Blast!! (1d10 in all directions, apply Finger Snapping)

...Did Cristal survive? Or is it true that the good die young?

Supreme Commander Tango maniacally laughs, seemingly not even paying attention to the battle's flow. Since no one is in range to attack, he slams the trifling Bratman with the Dance Commander's Rebuke: Tangoing and Limboing!!
Rolled 4, 94, 13, 50 = 161 (4d100)

Cristal hangs on to life, barely. Praise Mutant Jesus.

Fing Snap +10/Palewalker
Fing Snap +10/Riptail +25
Tangoing +25/Bratman
Limboing +25/Bratman
Rolled 88 (1d108)

Resist # vs 14
Rolled 3 + 10 (1d68 + 10)

>>5292198 Riptail's mod should be +10 not +25
Riptaill's Resist #+10 vs 104

Cristal incurs a -2 mod to all of her rolls for X turns!!
Rolled 53, 82 = 135 (2d82)

X turns = 3 turns!!
Aw, shucks!

Bratman's Resists
1st roll vs 38
2nd roll vs 75
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Wow, Bratman is TWISTED!!! There's no way he's about to Dance in his current mental state!

We now outnumber the foe.

The remaining goons gather 'round the geyser-fountain in the center of Peak Polka.

There's a hearty, half-healthy Haka Hulk and a bloody, beaten and bruised Boom-Boxer. They mean to keep you away from their master.

Tango finally snaps out of his compressed frequency, and twists a knob on the front of his robo-exo-skele-suit! He gasps for air, returns to doing his movement-boosting Running Man Dance, and cackles: "HA-HA-HA!! FOOLISH MUTANT MORTALS, TRY AND HACK INTO MY FREQUENCY NOW!!! I'M INVINCIBLE, ARE YOU'REEEEE FUCKKKEDDD!!!!"

Frequency Compressor won't work on Tango anymore!!! His goons, however...

>Now they know what it's like to be outnumbered!! Tango is wobbly, and his goons aren't so sturdy as they once thought they were! Let's get 'em!!

Processing next phase in ~10-20 hrs.
(Please continue to let me know if there are any errors that need correction. My apologies in advance.)


>Bratman moves 34443
>He uses his potent Mustard. Just Mustard ability, soaking some of our enemies in yellow mustard!! This does nothing at all, but looked rather impressive!!
>Weenie Toss on Cristal, she's free of both of her Dances!! It does take her down to 5HP, though...
Rolled 7 (1d19)

>Basic Attack Supreme Commander Tango
>Use Showtime Staunchness
Rolled 6, 15 = 21 (2d20)

>move 32 to heal patch
>double rest
"i said the first time getting hit by collapsing structure was last time but that radio antenna was new"
Rolled 12, 17 + 2 = 31 (2d20 + 2)

You see, this is what we call a gamer moment.
>Grab onto the Haga Hulk and PALEDRIVER him into the fucking dirt. Send him up 11111122 (or basically as far away as from me, Crystal, and Bard as possible)
>Slug the Boomboxer in the face with a basic attack.
>Move 1 and stand there, menacingly, in the cool water.
Rolled 6 (1d12)

The Boom-Boxer is confused and outnumbered. Not to mention, delirious from being at 3HP. He measures his options, attacks The Humorless Bard, for some reason saying "This is for Bratman!!" then retreating into Imprisoning Darkness.

Wha-? Why would he say that?!
Rolled 13, 4, 18 = 35 (3d20)

Despite being nearly Paledriven to death, the Haka Hulk reappers, staggers forth with 5HP, and hits a Basic Attack on Bratman! (Riverdance)

Tango surveys the battlefield and finally realizes his circumstances. But he still laughs and Dances.

He stares down the defiant Palewalker and accepts his challenge, slamming him with a basic attack, then retreating 1 tile and hitting Bratman with the same attack!! He then wiggles his booty and taunts you, daring you to follow him into the recesses of the Darkness. It looks like he wants to make his last stand by the wreckage of his FJBLGBTQIAA2+LMNOPQIRSCIAFBIDEAKEKBURP Radio Tower.
(Tango on both)

A captain must go down with his ship.
Alright, take responsibility. What does this acronym mean? Obviously my character would know, even if the Moshers didn't right?
Rolled 97, 67 = 164 (2d100)

Ahh shit I have to run an errand real quick.

For now, Dance rolls.

Headbang v Bard
Tango v Palewalker

Gotta roll the Resists when I get back. Sorry folks- Uhhh... I mean, this is just a planned cliffhanger.
Rolled 9 (1d138)

Humorless Resistance
Rolled 33 (1d108)

Caught off guard from the snip- I mean sneak attack, The Bard begins Headbanging for 3 turns!! He can't use his MAG stat!!! He's reduced to d5 basic attacks (This affects Wicker Jeer as well)!! Not to mention, rolling 1-3 counts as a crit fail, meaning he only strikes on 4's and 5's! Yikes! Somebody, do something!

Pale Resistance
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Due to Finger Snapping, Cristal heals only +17 HP from double resting (and +5 from Health Patch).

To make the entire situation stickier, Palewalker and The Humorless Bard begins Tangoing for 2 turns!! They can't move at all!! They'll be damaged by any Action they take that doesn't free them of their maladies!

What a debilitating Dance! What a cad that evil Supreme Commander is!

That acronym stands for (a reference to the acronym of) Flower-Power, Sucka-Don't-Be-Sour, Bumpin', Jammin', Got-The-Speakers-Slammin', Man-Of-The-Hour's Radio Tower.

Cutscene: Tango walks over to a weakened Bratman and robotically cackles "The jig is up, that blithering Boom-Boxer spilt the beans, bucko. And I don't need a double agent in my midst. That's right, I know you're not loyal anymore, after seeing how you shot your weenie on the dragon girl to stop her from jiggling her bosom. You are a double-crossing no-good snake. Now you die like one."
Bratman explodes into a billion bloody pieces as Tango runs his robot disco ball arm into his chest.

QM dies and is physically incapable of creating another Mutant Mosher!!

It's an even 3v3 fight again!!

It's up to Palewalker, Crystalline Riptail, and The Humorless Bard to put a stop to this once and for all!!

The goons are weary and ready for death. Their Supreme Commander just won't give up the ghost, though.

He takes two USB flashdrives out of a compartment and launches them with incredible speeds at both of his goons. (It deals no damage to them)

Tango haughtily explains: "HA-HA-HA!!! Even if you manage to defeat me, surely one of my goons will survive and carry on my legacy with all my evil documents and playlists I just downloaded to their brain!!! HA-HA-HA!!!!"

No way! Now we've definitely gotta...

>Defeat all remaining enemies!!!

(Next update in ~12 hours)
Rolled 7, 19 + 3 = 29 (2d20 + 3)

>move 111
>crystalline claws on tango
>move 444
>RAREFIED PAST twice on Bardo to knock him out of his two dances, freeing me in the process
>Move 22216113
Rolled 2, 1 = 3 (2d19)

Much thanks Palewalker.
Evil playlists? Would be a shame if they were replaced with Actual Music! Behold my flute, and record my tunes, minions!
>Basic Attack Haka Hulk
>Basic Attack Boom Boxer
wtf, the curse, it returns! Why can I always low roll, but never get an 18/19 roll?
(Sorry for no update as of yet. Working on getting it out in the next 2-14 hours)
Rolled 1 (1d20)

The REAL Mutant Moshers scarcely acknowledged the treacherous Bratman's arrival and death.

Crystalline Riptide ventures into the lair of the great fiend, but keeps her distance so she can return to the Health Patch. Her Crystalline Claws shoot out several meters and stab into the circuitry of Tango for 10 damage total. "An inferior electro-organism. Hmph." After finding out Tango's schematics from her assault, Cristal retreats to the Health Patch and meditates, completely healing her HP.

Tango's motors whirr uncontrollably, then sputter out. He falls to his cyborg knees for a minute, then climbs back to his cyborg feet. He glances at the male Moshers, Dancing a rather sporty and fresh version of the Tango together, with some personal flare from both Palewalker and the Humorless Bard. Sitting ducks on the deadliest dancefloor... "HA-HA-HA!! KILL THEM!!!!!"

Just as his goons approach, Palewalker finishes chanting his latest incantations and frees the fleet feet meat to beat neat, discrete retreats. Sweet!

The Bard holds his ground on the Health Patch, giving Cristal her space so they don't get ganged up on. He pulls out a flute on a necklace from under his doublet and lets out... Well, to be honest, his best piece of music yet!! Because no one could hear it! Bahahahahaha!!!! (Sorry~~~!!!)

Despite our moxie and quick-wittedness, it's still a 3v3!!

Uh oh... The Haka Hulk has picked up someone's scent... Run, Palewalker, run!!!!!!

It's like watching a clown or matador get gored by a bull at a rodeo. Speaking of... Man, if only Clown-Matador were here with his Maxed Stats and incredible Mutant Powers... He would've cleaned up this problem in no time.

Wait, what is that at the entrance of Peak Polka?!?!

Rainbow hair...
Spanish attire...
A gleaming orange balloon rapier...

Clown Matador? I thought you were on vacation in Barthelona!
No, wait, that's not him.
That's just a funny looking rock.




Haka Hulk performs a basic attack!! Oof!! He broke a dang rib!! This Pacific Islander's attack strangely makes Palewalker want to... Perform the national cultural Dance of Ireland!!!

Rolled 11 (1d12)

Next, the severely crippled Boom-Boxer comes in and snips at Cristal!!!

Rolled 14, 1 = 15 (2d20)

Tango hunts down the Health Patch hangabouts and delivers one devastating Basic Attack to each

>55554 attack Bard (1s