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File: slicequestop3more.png (344 KB, 800x533)
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You’re DIESEL CRASH: proud delivery boy for your uncle’s pizza parlor PIZZA MIND, and tonight just keeps getting better and better!

HAUSER PHARMACEUTICALS. A big fish in the corporate pond as far as they go, but also the proprietors of the island you were tasked with delivering fine Italian cuisine to. The CEO’s children, MINA AND DARREN HAUSER, were holding a High School Graduation Party there, but what began as a relatively innocuous evening (for teens, anyways) turned into a desperate fight for survival!

Beset on all sides by bloodthirsty monsters, psychotic corporate security, and even the CEO himself, your struggle led you to some new friends: RAJ DAWOOD: a dopey, but earnest skater bro, and PEPPER HORNSBY: a plucky journalist with a reputation for being a bit of a pest!

Aided by your new allies and the island’s gruff, but stalwart groundskeeper, CHUCK FONTAINE, you discovered the truth behind the night’s disruptions… along with their instigator: RIVKA BETRUGER. A vile and morally-bankrupt scientist bent on ‘SHOWING THEM ALL’, she masqueraded as a nurse and utilized the night’s chaos to conduct another test on the partygoers: one involving an EXTRADIMENSIONAL PARASITE with the power to overtake its host’s body and mind… all to do the dark bidding of its queen.

Guess who figured out how to impersonate one with a little gene alteration?

Though it wasn’t an easy choice, you decided to remove the parasite from your body… though it promised power and protection, you didn’t dare give Rivka any chance of taking control! Whether this decision will pay off, well… that remains to be seen.

The odds were, and still are, stacked against you, but you and your pals penetrated the mad scientist’s defenses and cornered her in her last remaining hidey-hole: the lab housing a massive PORTAL GATE with the power to reach other dimensions… including the parasite’s!

The stage is set for the final showdown, but though the portal shimmers with activity, the scientist is nowhere to be seen… and yet a faint scent of coffee and maple syrup still lingers in the sterile lab air…

Standing in front of the gate with weapons drawn and heart racing, THIS is where your story continues…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5771739
Hope you’ve worked up an appetite! Welcome back to SLICE QUEST! Take a look at our menu before you order:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Slice%20Quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/RuZL1Xgh

IMGUR Page for all of the shitty art thus far… and DECENT FANART! We love to see it!
>https://imgur.com/a/pR0KEF5

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills! Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun! OR ELSE!

DISCLAIMER: ASSUME ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+! EVERYONE GOT HELD BACK, I DUNNO!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5771740
The sickly-sweet odor of MAPLE SYRUP stings your eyes as you and your friends take a few cautious steps into the misty, cavernous portal chamber–the colossal metal door you entered from slamming shut behind you with a grim CLANG!

“You…” Mutters Raj as he keeps his FIRE AX raised and ready as he struggles to peer through the sugary mist dancing around you, “You don’t think she dipped, do ya?”

You hate to say it, but it’s what you would do if you heard DIESEL CRASH was coming! Warily examining the glowing arch dominating the football field-sized test chamber, however, you begrudgingly accept the possibility as Raj’s words sink in… It’s definitely possible…

“More than possible, chief.” Adds Pepper as her remaining hand white-knuckles her SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN close to her chest, “She doesn’t strike me as one of those honorable, ‘stand and fight’ types…”

Quiet down…” Growls Chuck as he squints towards the ceiling with his HUNTING RIFLE ready to pick off some uppity scientists, “We ain’t alone…

Part of you wants to ask the old man how he can be so sure, but you know better by now than to questio-

“How can you be so sure??”

Damn it, Pepper…

Before he can answer, you feel a change in the lab’s atmosphere–like a colossal hawk just dove for a kill! The sensation barely has time to sink in before you spot a massive shape rushing to greet you from beyond the fog!

THERE!

>ROLL ME 1d100+2 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -3 MISTY AND DARK!) TO DODGE! BEST OF 3! Welcome back, by the way–missed you all!
>>
Rolled 45 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5771744
>>
Rolled 53 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5771744
Welcome back, QM!
>>
Rolled 12 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5771744
Fuck me, I've had enough of giant birds from TWQ
>>
>>5771748
>>5771765
>>5771804
>HIGHEST ROLL: 55!
Yow! Just made it! Writing!
>>5771804
Note to self: add more horrible giant birds...
>>
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You manage to roll away just in time to avoid being MULCHED by a gargantuan translucent yellow sphere with an engine half its size attached to the back! Spinning mid-tumble to meet your would-be crusher, a mixture of irritation and relief washes over you as you recognize the orb’s passenger!

Mere hours ago she was just a nonchalant, coffee-swigging, if not somewhat grumpy, nurse… an employee on-loan from HAUSER PHARMACEUTICALS given the unenviable task of making sure none of the partygoers OD’d or broke their necks trying to show off around the pool… but now you know better.

A cheeky and yet menacing grin forms on the scientist’s pale face as she leers at you from behind her glowing red lab goggles. Taking a sip from a fresh mug of coffee, PROFESSOR RIVKA BERTRUGER regards you like a cat staring at a goldfish in a bowl…

Hiya~

“Wait a sec, are those-”

It takes you a moment to realize Pepper isn’t referring to Rivka’s boots--behind the orb’s sickly yellow tint you realize that the chair the repugnant researcher is reclining in is anything but--a trio of LAB TECHS with swollen muscles and torn lab attire wordlessly hold the grinning girl aloft using their own arms and backs to simulate a seat! Though their faces are obscured by sturdy-looking WELDING MASKS not unlike the ones the slashers wear, you can easily see the networks of thin purple threads laced underneath their skin…

Servants.

“Impressive, is it not?” Chirps Rivka as the orb bobs in the air as if lifted by invisible strings, “I was inspired by those Holographic Projectors you’re so intent on destroying–you see, the orb’s surface is-”

Ever pragmatic, Chuck cuts to the chase and opens fire on the sphere’s surface! As the rifle bullets bounce off with a series of harmless ‘plinks’, Rivka snaps her fingers at one of her… ‘assistants’.

“Useless, my dear, destroy this orb, would you?”

Useless responds almost immediately. Bringing one of his bulging arms behind him, the thrall delivers a flurry of blows to the inside of the orb! Though it shakes a bit from the sudden onslaught, the vehicle’s interior holds firm!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5771840
“That will do, Useless.” Rivka chuckles as she calls him back with another snap! “It may come as a surprise to you all, but extradimensional research tends to carry quite a bit of risk to it–you never really know what will come stomping, slithering, or shambling through that nasty gate over there!”

As one of her other servants squeezes a generous helping of MAPLE SYRUP into her steaming mug of coffee, Rivka retrieves an unassuming-looking REMOTE from within her lab coat and wags it at you!

“So much so, in fact, that this chamber is equipped with scores of emitters designed to generate and blanket the room with DEADLY PARTICLES… I haven’t bothered to classify them yet, but maybe if you grovel a bit I’ll name a few after you! A fitting memorial, don’t you agree?”

You respond by taking a confident step closer to her ride. Then what’s stopping her from using ‘em, huh? She seemed pretty upset a few minutes ago when yet another one of her dumb traps didn’t work out! Rivka responds with a derisive laugh!

“You… you believed you had rattled me? Diesel, my dear, I’m a SCIENTIST!” She croons as a servant pours some of the coffee into her open mouth, “Mmm, delicious! Listen closely, now–you might learn something: I don’t blame a lab rat for not reaching the cheese… I don’t blame a chemical for splashing onto my lab coat… and I certainly couldn’t be phased any less by a pack of knuckle-dragging simpletons such as yourselves stumbling through my… tests...”

Her smile fades as she leans a little closer to you.

“Your antics at the POWER STATION may have slowed them down a bit, but make no mistake: I’ve WON. The MATTER DISPLACEMENT DEVICE is fully charged and at my full command. Your escape route is blocked. My defenses are impregnable and yours are… well… rather lacking.”

Oh whoops, there goes her smile again! It’s back!

“And while you may have rid yourself of my gifts, I am a benevolent goddess… simply lay down your torches and pitchforks and submit to my will–if you REALLY convince me I might just deem you worthy enough to sleep at the foot of my bed! You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?”

“No dice, bitch!” Snarls Pepper as she blasts the orb with her SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN! “Everything you’ve tried tonight has failed… and this is gonna end the same way, right Diesel?”

Rivka responds to Pepper’s boast with a withering, if not somewhat tired, glare.

“... she, on the other hand, will require some alterations… maybe I’ll replace her vocal cords with a rubber duck.”

Rivka seems pretty confident, but you’ve seen that blow up in people’s faces plenty of times! What do?
>ASK ABOUT HER SERVANTS!
>QUESTION HER ABOUT HER ORB!
>TRY TO LOCATE SOME OF THOSE EMITTERS!
>ASK ABOUT THE PORTAL!
>MESS WITH THE TELEPORTATION GATE!
>JUST ATTACK!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5771843
>TRY TO LOCATE SOME OF THOSE EMITTERS!
>>
>>5771843
>>TRY TO LOCATE SOME OF THOSE EMITTERS!
>>
>>5771843
>TRY TO LOCATE SOME OF THOSE EMITTERS!
>SEND RAJ AND PEPPER TO HANDLE THE GATE!
>>
>>5771849
>>5771850
>>5771866
>LOCATE THE EMITTERS!

>>5771866
>SEND PEPPER AND RAJ TO DEAL WITH THE GATE!

Gonna forego the second vote for now since A) it only got one vote and B) it miiiight trigger some hostility, but don't worry--I'll letcha revisit it depending on how things go!

Also for newcomers, lurkers, etc, you've got 4 people total in the team right now, so feel free to split their actions!

Speaking of actions,
>ROLL ME 4d100 TO FIND THESE PARTICLE EMITTERS! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL: -3(-3 MISTY AND DARK!)
>PEPPER: +2 (+5 SNOOPIN'! -3 MISTY AND DARK!)
>RAJ: +2 (+5 COOL CUSTOMER, -3 MISTY AND DARK)
>CHUCK: -2(-2 MISTY AND DARK... BUT KEEN EYES!)
>>
Rolled 5, 87, 91, 31 = 214 (4d100)

>>5771914
>>
Rolled 23, 51, 69, 6 = 149 (4d100)

>>5771914
Do what you do best, Pepper.
>>
Rolled 80, 84, 67, 5 = 236 (4d100)

>>5771914
>>
>>5771917
>>5771975
>>5772009
THE ROLLS:
>DIESEL: 77!
>PEPPER: 89!
>RAJ: 93!
>CHUCK: 29! LOL OLD MAN

Writing!
>>
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As Rivka ponders what to do about Pepper, you ponder what to do about your situation–as loath as you are to admit it, the sinister scientist is right! She’s got the home team advantage here!

As you just proved earlier, though, you’re totally capable of dodging Rivka’s stupid flying orb thing–but you doubt you’ll be able to outrun particles! Physics might not have been your strong suit in school, but you definitely remember Mr. McKelvy droning about energy particles moving like tiny, invisible bullets–that was a pretty cool analogy!

In another stunning display of TEAMWORK, you and the others seem to be doing the same thing–scanning the austere lab walls for any signs of where the PARTICLE EMITTERS will emerge from… yep, Pepper’s got that glimmer in her eyes! Following her gaze, you spot what she spots almost immediately: as nondescript as the walls are, no doubt to make it easier to remove stains, scorch marks, and viscera, you can just barely make out several square indentations in the walls–well over TWENTY, in fact!

Rivka wasn’t kidding–they’re definitely equipped to get rid of any uninvited guests in here… like you.

But you learn two things as you, Raj, and Pepper all mentally note the emitter locations–well, you and Pepper, at least… who knows what Raj is pondering. Firstly, you and your pals could potentially blast ‘em all… if you each picked a section of the walls, at least. It’d be a small window, but if what Rivka says is true, well… having your fishy pal Foamy tear up those cables might’ve bought you some time!

More importantly, however, the scientist must feel safe inside that orb of hers–that means if you can pop her out of there…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5772105
“Right, enough games,” The scientist in question concludes with a decisive clap of her gloved hands, “I’ve got far more important matters to attend to than waiting for you to kiss my boots–’THEM ALL’ won’t be ‘SHOWN’ on their own, y’know!”

With a flick of a button on her REMOTE, the scientist lets loose with a malevolent giggle as the PORTAL flickers and ripples with otherworldly energy! Hey, you snap, what happened to getting ‘PARTICLE’D!?

“As per usual, I came up with a MUCH BETTER idea!” Rivka chirps as her orb floats away from the portal, “I can’t play with you all if you’re VAPORIZED, so allow me to proudly commence MATTER DISPLACEMENT LAB EXPERIMENT #336: A combat test between a group of highly-armed and very pesky humans versus…”

The girl catches herself and smirks.

“Well… I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise! Don’t worry–I won’t just revive you after the trial, I’ll make you all better!”

The portal’s ripples grow violent like a stormy sea as the chamber is bathed in a shower of flashing lights and patterns! Sipping from her mug as the lab shakes beneath your feet, Rivka gives you a playful wink as something emerges from the gate!

>ROLL ME1d1000, yep, 1d1000! LET’S SEE WHAT’S ON THE MENU!
>>
Rolled 678 (1d1000)

>>5772109
inb4 we roll a 1 on a d1000
>>
Rolled 797 (1d1000)

>>5772109
>>
Rolled 526 (1d1000)

>>5772109
>>
>>5772112
>>5772114
>>5772121
Well aren't YOU lucky!

>>5772112
Rolled my favorite visitor! Writing!
>>
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A faint sound reaches into your ears and gives them a tickle long before Rivka’s surprise guest comes through the portal… a faint tingling at first, like the jingle of the triangle you got stuck with in music class…

And then you hear horns. And strings.

Before you can register what’s happening, the tingle grows into a full orchestral piece–nothing booming or boisterous like those classical songs, mind, but one of those happy-go-lucky background tunes right out of one of those…

Oh no.

Oh NO.

“What the FUUUUCKKK, BRO!” Sputters Raj in a rare case of un-COOL CUSTOMERITUDE, “W-WHAT IS THAT?!”

“N-no…” Adds Chuck with pinprick pupils and a mortified look on his face, “No…”

“Oh YES!” Croons Rivka as one of her slaves tops off her mug with some more maple syrup, “Hauser didn’t see the appeal when his lab drones discovered this particular dimension, but I on the other hand have always found beauty in brutality…”

The lights around the chamber fade as a gloved hand twice your size pokes through the portal and uses the gate as a handhold! As the scientist continues to cackle above you, you share an uncertain glance with the rest of your pals before taking a few cautious steps backwards!

It’s only after the glove’s owner pops his grinning, whiskered face through the gate that you realize what’s happening: the lights aren’t fading…

They’re losing COLOR!

Emerging from the gate like a shark fin from the water comes what has to be a twenty-no, twenty-FIVE foot CARTOON CAT! Smiling at you with cold, impassive, quarter-moon eyes, the dimensional traveler pulls his two-buttoned pants higher up around his skinny waist before striding fully into the chamber… with a truck-sized MALLET resting across his shoulders!

Bouncing up and down to the rhythm of the old-fashioned tune currently boring holes into your ear drums, the cat’s grimace somehow manages to spread even further across his face…

With that, he hefts the mallet above his head–the tool nearly scraping the ceiling–before he takes a silent, but determined step in your direction!

WHAT DO!? REMEMBER, YOU’VE GOT FOUR PEOPLE!
>IT’S A LANKY CAT THING–JUST BLAST IT!
>GET UP CLOSE AND STRIKE! SEE HOW DURABLE THIS CARTOON IS!
>TRY TO DESTROY THE MALLET FIRST!
>BAIT HIM INTO ATTACKING RIVKA!
>FOCUS ON THE EMITTERS!
>DESTROY THE PORTAL! NO MORE PALS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5772132
Diesel and Chuck:
>BAIT HIM INTO ATTACKING RIVKA!
Raj and Pepper:
>FOCUS ON THE EMITTERS!
>>
>>5772132
Diesel and Chuck:
>BAIT HIM INTO ATTACKING RIVKA!
Raj and Pepper:
>FOCUS ON THE EMITTERS!
>>
>>5772135
>>5772143
>DIESEL/CHUCK: BAIT AND SMASH!
>RAJ AND PEPPERONI: OMIT THE EMIT!
Here goes something!
>ROLL ME 4d100 TO SPLIT THE PARTY! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL: +8(+5 SPEED BONUS, +10 COMBAT BONUS, -4 GIANT CAT WITH A MALLET, -3 RIVKA'S WATCHING...)
>CHUCK: -2(+5 MILITARY TRAINING, -4 GIANT CAT WITH A MALLET, -3 RIVKA'S WATCHING)
>RAJ: +2(+5 COOL CUSTOMER, -3 LOTS)
>PEPPER: +2(+5 NO-LONGER DUBIOUS FIREARMS ABILITY, -3 LOTS)

Feel free to write-in some ways for how you plan on baiting the KOT too! Write-Ins = Bonuses!
>>
Rolled 77, 6, 8, 29 = 120 (4d100)

>>5772210
who left the ink machine running

Say, how high up is the Rivbobble? Can we reach it?
>>
Rolled 61, 28, 94, 99 = 282 (4d100)

>>5772210
>>
>>5772253
>How high
About 12 feet--you could probably try to hop up if you leapt off of a wall or something, but the orbmobile doesn't have a lot of handholds!
>>
>>5772255
It's a smooth surface - that's why we have a PLUNGER! Suction cup go!
>>
>>5772256
Fuck yea, you're getting a BONUS for that, my friend. +5 for SUCTION
>>
Rolled 82, 28, 42, 48 = 200 (4d100)

>>5772210
The plunger: a tool that’s far more than meets the eye.
>>
>>5772257
Anyway, the full plan here is to basically attach ourselves to the Rorb so if it swings at us, it's going to clobber the orb instead
>>
>>5772260
Good plan. It doesn’t necessarily have to even get through the orb. That much blunt trauma will toss Rivka and her slaves around inside, and might damage components by sheer shock. Like how tanks can be damaged by high-explosive shells even if it doesn’t actually penetrate the armor.
>>
>>5772257
>>5772260
BRILLIANT! Seconded for finally finding a use for that sucker pun intended

>>5772210
I'd like to add the plunger to >>5772135 (my mobile vote earlier)

>>5772253
>>5772254
>>5772259
Won't help poor Chuck with these rolls, though.
>>
Good shit, all! Good shit inDEED! Gonna write this up SUNDAY AROUND 10-11AM though--already feeling drowsy. Glad to see you've still got those sweet ideas! Seeya then!
>>
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If tonight hadn’t already showered you with a rainbow of fucked-up stuff you might’ve been paralysed in fear right now… but where where horror fails, inspiration succeeds! Darting out of the way of the van-sized mallet just in time, you nearly tumble when the impact sends spider webs of cracks through the chamber floor! Isn’t this high-tech metal crap supposed to be STRONG!?

You don’t get an answer, not that you needed one. Cats have never really liked you, especially TIGRE, the old tabby that makes its home on PIZZA MIND’S windowsill that Emilio likes to feed table scraps and Limoncello, but this one seems dead-set on getting rid of you! Scrambling after you with a cartoony, but unsettlingly speedy gait, the cat takes another swing, but it goes wide! As the mallet smashes into the wall with the same results as last time, you, Pepper, and Raj share a look when you all notice the mechanical innards of what can only be one of those EMITTERS Rivka was mentioning sticking out!

“Looking for a mouse hole to crawl into? A giant rake he can step on, perhaps?!” Sneers the scientist as she bobs just out of reach in her stupid orb thing, “Do yourselves a favor and get CRUSHED already!”

Not happening, bitch! Unloading a few shotgun shells into the cartoon, you abandon the endeavor when it sticks its gloved thumb into its mouth and blows causing the shrapnel to just POP back out! What the hell is this thing!?

So bullets are gonna be pretty useless. Fantastic. Just as you come to that conclusion, a GRENADE whizzes past its head and into the wall where the EMITTER poked out showering the whole chamber in sparks!

“Raj and I will handle this, slick!” Shouts Pepper as the cat swipes at you with the mallet once more, “Just keep him off of us!”

“And I will handle THEM!” Laughs Rivka as her orb rushes to intercept your friends! Oh no you WON’T!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5772738
Diving out of the way of the massive mallet again, you draw your TOILET PLUNGER from your pocket just as the shockwave from the impact knocks you off your feet! Face-planting on the floor, you’re hastily snatched off the ground by Chuck before he fires a few DARTS into the monster’s chest!

“Keep goin’!” He barks as Pepper and Raj desperately try to avoid Rivka’s stupid orb thing! Despite the enormous size of the tool wielded by the cat, however, its owner swings it around like it was a pool noodle! Swinging it at you and Chuck, the cat manages to wing the Groundskeeper and sends him tumbling across the chamber!

As bad as it looks, you see your chance when the mallet slams against the wall! Scrambling onto with agility that would make Master Laika proud, you take another flying leap just as the cat reaches for you!

For a few seconds you’re in freefall… but your gamble pays off! Seeing your flight, Raj leaps onto his SKATEBOARD and princess-carries Pepper! while the redhead continues to take potshots at the EMITTERS, the skater leads Rivka over to you just in time for you to slam the plunger’s business end into the orb’s side with a triumphant ‘SPONK!

Still lounging in her servant chair, the orb’s occupant is none too pleased to see you hanging off of her ride.

“Sorry, no hitchhikers.”

Rivka takes an unimpressed sip from her mug as she snaps her gloved fingers summoning a trio of those SPIDER BOTS you saw in the vents earlier! Emerging from where the ENGINE is on the back of the orb, they skitter towards you with their turrets glowing green and a menacing look in their glowing red eyes!

It doesn’t look good for you, no, but you can’t help but smile–hanging off of the orb, you hear the sound of giant steps approaching from behind… and the wide-eyed stare on Rivka’s goggled-face tells you all you need to know!

You let go of the plunger right when you feel a gust of air tickle the back of your ears.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5772743
If this were anywhere else, GIANT CARTOON CAT WITH A MALLET would be signed with MLB right now. Falling into Chuck’s waiting arms, the two of you get out of the way just as the mallet connects with the orb and sends it, and its occupants, bouncing around the chamber like a pinball!

The SPIDERBOTS are the first casualties–two of them explode on impact with the wall, while the third valiantly leaps from the orb, but gets caught on the rebound! The lab fills with ‘OOF’s, ‘OW’s, and other curses as Rivka struggles to regain control of her ride, but in all the confusion Raj and Pepper are still wrecking every EMITTER they can see! No deadly particles for HER!

… wait, how are you gonna deal with this cat, then?

As if hearing your question, the cat turns his grinning attention back towards you and Chuck! Giving his mallet a cocky spin, the frumious feline wastes no time in rushing over to you–until Rivka’s orb slams into his head, that is!

“STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!” Showering the chamber in sparks, the orb bobs a little more as the scientist finally regains control! Now standing up from her seat, she shoots you a death glare as she frantically pats her lab coat!

“They’ll have to invent a whole new word to accurately define just how SORRY you’re all going to be-”

The scientist’s face lights up as one of her servants wordlessly holds out the REMOTE she was looking for! Right when she’s about to take it, however, the cat expresses its distaste at being smacked in the only way it knows how!

“Oh no-

Yep, the mallet SLAMS into the orb again! Sending your tormentor ricocheting around the room once more, the cat turns its eerie eyes back in your direction while Pepper and Raj continue their property damage spree!

>ROLL ME 2d100 TO DODGE! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL: +1 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -4 GIANT CAT WITH MALLET)
>CHUCK: +0 (+5 MILITARY TRAINING, -1 WINGED, -4 GIANT CAT WITH MALLET)
>>
Rolled 82, 59 = 141 (2d100)

>>5772745
>>
Rolled 35, 57 = 92 (2d100)

>>5772745
>>
Rolled 39, 10 = 49 (2d100)

>>5772745
>>
>>5772750
>>5772764
>>5772858
DOOOOODGE!
>DIESEL: 83!
>CHUCK: 59!
Writing!
>>
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If the last few moments were a light drizzle, the next few are a storm! Rushing between the aperture created by the cat’s bow-legged and still-bouncing stance, you and Chuck duck both underneath the mallet AND the swipe the cat takes at you with its free hand!

As Pepper and Raj continue their skating tour around the room, machinery and metal fall to the floor in growing piles of scrap like smoldering clumps of confetti as the smell of gunpowder and melting wires overpowers the scent of coffee and maple syrup!

Still spinning around the room like a coked-up rubber ball, Rivka’s orb spits out SPIDERBOTS like it was trying to give them away! Leaping from the vehicle like rats escaping a sinking ship, some of them are dashed beneath the cat’s massive feet–the others are blown apart like clay pigeons thanks to you and Chuck!

“Can’t keep this up…” Pants the old man as you blast the cat’s leg with your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION once more, “Much longer…”

As the cat extracts the shrapnel from your gun just like it did before, you begrudgingly admit that the groundskeeper has a point–like everything else the bitch has done tonight, Rivka’s bitten off more than she can chew with this cat… and while her orb isn’t looking too hot right now, the cruel cartoon only has to land one lucky shot o-

Your thoughts are interrupted by the beast’s foot! Darting past its attempt at stomping you, you return the favor by grabbing your STUN STAFF and stabbing the creature’s leg with all your might!

https://youtu.be/eHSJeuD3HAM

The sudden and worryingly-human shriek takes you off-guard–so much so that you almost miss the spritz of black goo from the wound you’ve made in the abominable animation’s leg!

Steam hisses out of the cat’s ears as it gives you a sour look! Scrambling to avoid a flurry of furious mallet swings, you and Chuck take refuge behind a pile of scrap as the beast rushes after you with thunderous steps!

“Well, it bleeds…” Remarks Chuck as he loads a few more RIFLE ROUNDS into his gun, “That means we can kill it…”

Were it so easy!

What do?
>POKE MORE HOLES INTO THE CAT!
>TRY TO DESTROY THE MALLET FIRST!
>HE’S WRECKING RIVKA’S ORB–KEEP BAITING HIM!
>HELP RAJ AND PEPPER WITH THE EMITTERS!
>DESTROY THE PORTAL! NO MORE PALS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5772894
>DESTROY THE PORTAL! NO MORE PALS!
>KEEP BAITING HIM!
This CATastrophic feline foe is our best bet to destroy the gate as well.
>>
>>5772894
>>DESTROY THE PORTAL! NO MORE PALS!
>>KEEP BAITING HIM!
>>
>>5772896
Ooh, I like this idea.
>>
>>5772896
+1
>>
>>5772896
>>5772925
>>5772954
>>5772973
>BAIT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE PORTAL!
Spicy idea ya' got here!

>ROLL ME 4d100 TO BAIT THE CAT... AND KEEP DESTROYING EMITTERS! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL+6 (+5 SPEED BONUS, +10 COMBAT BONUS, -5 GIANT PISSED OFF CAT WITH MALLET, -2 RIVKA'S WATCHING KINDA, -2 TOUGH GATE)
>PEPPER: +3(+5 NO-LONGER DUBIOUS FIREARMS ABILITY, -1 NOT AS LOTS, -2 RIVKA INTERFERENCE)
>RAJ: +3(+5 COOL CUSTOMER, -1 NOT AS LOTS, -2 RIVKA INTERFERENCE)
>CHUCK: -5(+5 MILITARY TRAINING, -5 PISSED OFF GIANT CAT WITH MALLET, -2 RIVKA'S WATCHING KINDA, -1 GETTING TIRED, -2 TOUGH GATE)
>>
Rolled 3, 28, 1, 83 = 115 (4d100)

>>5773023
I've got another 1 in me, I'm sure.
>>
>>5773027
Yep
>>
>>5773027

It's a god damn joke you fucking RNG!
>>
Rolled 26, 47, 19, 18 = 110 (4d100)

>>5773023
>>
Rolled 60, 32, 17, 23 = 132 (4d100)

>>5773023
it is real RNG hours
>>
>>5773027
...Christ on a bicycle.
>>
>>5773027
>>
File: boo.gif (4.51 MB, 498x267)
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>>5773027
>>
>>5773027
>>5773036
>>5773056
I was worried we wouldn't get a Nat 1 in this thread... glad I was proven wrong!

Rolls:
>DIESEL: 63!
>PEPPER: 50!
>RAJ: CRIT-FAIL LMAO
>CHUCK: 78!
Well at least Chuck's rolling well again. Anyways, writing!
>>
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Oh whoops it was Pepper fucking lol
Maybe I actually have to kill her, huh
>>
>>5773131
NO WAIT IT WAS RAJ JESUS CHRIST lemme drink some water
>>
>>5773134
>>5773131
>see a failure
>instinctively think it's Pep
Poor girl. She really has a rep now, huh?
>>
>>5773138
>inb4 she rolls a crit-fail in the epilogue
Worst date EVER
>>
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Okay, you pant as the inky abomination approaches, here’s the plan: we gotta destroy that GATE!

“Couldn’t agree more…” Nods Chuck in an equally-weary tone, “Whatcha’ thinkin’, kid?”

Well, you begin, you’ve got a GIANT CARTOON CAT WITH A MALLET--

Before you can finish, the aforementioned GIANT CARTOON CAT WITH A MALLET brings its also aforementioned MALLET down upon your hiding place showering you and the groundskeeper in a hail of scrap metal! Though the shrapnel scrapes your skin, you and Chuck are thankfully unscathed–at least enough to rush past your would-be killer’s tree trunk-sized legs!

As you slip past, Chuck picks up a particularly nasty hunk of scrap and jabs it into the wound you inflicted on the beast before! This time a water cooler’s-worth of ink spurts out, and the kitty cat is NOT pleased about it!

Good, you think as you and Chuck beat a hasty retreat, you can use that… channeling your inner CARTOON MOUSE, you keep the cat busy by dodging and darting in a serpentine path long enough for Chuck to break away to get a better vantage point! You’re about halfway to the GATE when Raj and Pepper come in skating hot--like holy crap they’re about t-

Your thoughts are swifty cut off when the skater and his redhead cargo plow into you at full-force, sending the three of you tumbling across the chamber like dropped potatoes!

Rolling to a stop next to Raj and Pepper, the skater gives you an apologetic grin.

“My bad, bro…” He groans before stumbling to his feet and offering you both a hand, “Shitty time to beef it, huh-”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773153
Before anyone can answer, the MALLET comes crashing down next to you like a silver screen-age meteor! Missing your head by mere inches, you still feel your teeth rattle from the impact!

Helped up by Raj, the two of you immediately unload your weapons into the cat’s face–it doesn’t seem to do much damage given how the monster’s eyelashes scrub away the bullets from its eyes, but it distracts it long enough to check on the RED MENACE!

PEPPER, you shout as you rush over to her, are you good!?

“Y-yea…” she replies weakly before looking at her left arm stump, “Pretty lucky, actually…”

As Chuck draws the cat’s ire, you follow her gaze and find yourself staring at the crater where the mallet impacted–if she still had her arm she’d have definitely lost it!

“Ehehe~”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Raj, however, is clearly not as amused. Helping Pepper to her feet, you watch in utter horror when you rush to the skater’s kneeling side…

In the middle of the crater sits a mulched pile of wood and metal in the shape of a…

Oh. Oh no...

As the reality of the situation kicks in, you notice that Raj is… trembling. Steaming, even!

“You… you BASTARDS!” He roars as he rips off his orange hoodie, “YOU KILLED LINDA!

“HA! FULLY-INTENDED!” Gloats Rivka as she finally regains control over her now VERY decrepit-looking orb! “Now-”

YOU KILLED LINDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Interrupting her with a beastly roar, Raj draws his FIRE AX and rushes to chop down a cat-shaped tree! Wait, you sputter, RAJ!

>ROLL 10d100 TO UNLEASH RAJ RAGE! YEP, TEN! BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 83, 2, 57, 8, 55, 76, 93, 9, 69, 53 = 505 (10d100)

>>5773155
The legendary Super-Persian!
>>
Rolled 12, 56, 84, 27, 93, 50, 17, 85, 50, 70 = 544 (10d100)

>>5773155
>>
Rolled 46, 10, 76, 54, 57, 72, 23, 52, 30, 4 = 424 (10d100)

>>5773155
Beware the fury of a patient man.
>>
>>5773159
>>5773161
>>5773163
30 rolls and not a single 1
>>
>>5773159
>>5773161
>>5773163
>HIGHEST ROLL: 544!
WRITING!

>>5773363
Well yea, it's Raj, not PEPPER.
>>
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By the time you call out to him, Raj has already closed the distance! Gritting his teeth as he rushes the cat, the skater leaves a trail of tiny flecks of…

… wood. His grip is splintering the ax handle!

The cat attempts to crush the newcomer, but it’s too slow–bringing the tool behind his back with another chamber-shaking roar, Raj brings the blade crashing into the monochrome monster’s leg… no, THROUGH it!

A mote of surprise flickers in the beast’s eyes as a replacement leg pops out, but just as quickly as it appears, Raj chops through THAT one too! And another! AND ANOTHER!

Batting away the mallet like it was a flyswatter, the skater doesn’t stop screaming as the cat somehow grows paler than before!

“Look!” Exclaims Pepper as she points to the growing puddle of ink on the floor, “He’s… he’s actually-”

The extradimensional horror brings its mallet around for one last desperate attack–but as the tool comes down towards Raj’s head, the skater’s weapon is already there to meet it! Clashing in a shower of sparks, the two weapons meet for a moment before the mallet is sent AIRBORNE!

“VERY impressive… for a CAVEMA-oh drat...”

Landing on Rivka’s orb with a definitive BONK, the scientist’s ride slams against the ground once more causing its engine to erupt in a series of unhealthy-sounding whines!

Raj’s attention is still on the monster, though–hewing through its leg one more time, the skater drops his weapon at his feet and falls to his knees gasping for breath as the cartoon cat stumbles backwards into the GATE!

A colossal ‘GONG’ rings out across the chamber as the portal fizzles a bit, and as the cartoon cat staggers dazed from the structure powering it, it falls backwards through the portal!

Halfway, at least.

Rushing to Raj’s side, you and Pepper prepare for the cat’s counterattack, but it never comes! The chamber fills with smoke and the acrid smell of burning electronics as one side of the gate violently crackles and sparks before a small explosion rocks the whole gate!

The portal flickers just long enough to bisect the monster at its waist! Though the cat’s lower half remains, it only manages to take a few more drunken steps before pooling into a lake of ink just outside the now-violently flickering portal!

Linda…

As the word escapes Raj’s cracked throat, the skater falls unconscious at your feet…

He did it… the crazy sonnovabitch did it. And he’s out like a light…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773461
As you pat your friend on his sweaty shoulder, you and Pepper draw your weapons as Rivka putters over with that same shit-eating grin on her face! Call Raj curiosity, you snarl, because he just killed your cat!

“Amusing, truly.” The scientist sniffs, walking over to the edge of the orb as one of her three servants straightens out her lab coat for her, “But oh DEAR! It would appear your wittle pet is out like a light! D’wooNWOOO, wook at him–he’s... he's swooo twiiiuurrrd!

Dive-bombing you and your prone pal, the orb whizzes by just as you snatch Raj up off the ground and fireman carry him out of her reach!

“You’re merely postponing the inevitable, you know!” The scientist chides as you spot Chuck lining up a shot from across the chamber, “I had predicted you’d have given up now that you’ve found even MORE dead weight to carry around… if I was a MORON, that is!”

Her eyes narrow at you as you struggle to avoid looking up her dress. “But I know you, DIESEL CRASH– well enough to know that you aren’t the type to back down…”

Her words take you off-guard–enough to nearly make you drop Raj to the floor… enough to nearly make you stop looking up her dres-damn it!

“That’s right…” She purrs as Useless pours some maple syrup into her mouth from a banged-up bottle, “I knew exactly who you were when I shared that gift with you… long before you stumbled onto this island!”

“She’s bluffing!” Snarls Pepper as she hops in front of you like a red-haired pomeranian, “Get Raj to safety, sandcrab!”

“There IS no safety in here, you RETARDS.” The scientist groans, leaning back so that her third servant can smooth out her hair, “Does that PORTAL look safe to you!? Does it!?”

Following her gloved finger, you find yourself staring at what appears to be some kind of experimental light show–the gate seemed volatile enough when you first entered, but now…

She doesn’t have control over it anymore, does she?

“Oh it’ll be much safer once you all GIVE UP!” Hisses the mad doctor as she pounds one of her fists against the inside of the orb! “Now learn from my example and be smart for once! KNEEL!

Chuck’s still aiming…

What do?
>FINISH OFF THE GATE!
>SHE KNOWS YOU? IS SHE…
>THE ORB IS ON ITS LAST LEGS! BLAST IT!
>FOCUS ON GETTING RAJ SOMEWHERE SAFEISH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5773463
>FINISH OFF THE GATE!
We can do this!
>FOCUS ON GETTING RAJ SOMEWHERE SAFEISH!
Pepper and Chuck can do this!
>SHE KNOWS YOU? IS SHE…
>>
>>5773467
Supporting!

>>5773463
>>
>>5773467
>>5773509
>FINISH OFF THE GATE (DIESEL)
>GET RAJ TO SAFETY (PEPPERONI AND CHUCK)
>ALSO BITE RIVKA'S STUPID BAIT I GUESS

The dialogue needs no rolling, but the other crap does!
>ROLL ME 3d100: 1 FOR DIESEL'S ATTACK ON THE GATE (BONUSES AWARDED FOR EXPLAINING HOW EXACTLY YOU PLAN ON WRECKING IT) AND 2 FOR CHUCK AND PEPPER'S RESCUE MISSION! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL +7(+10 COMBAT BONUS, -2 RIVKA'S WATCHING, -1 NOT SO TOUGH GATE)
>PEPPERONI: -4(-2 RIVKA'S WATCHING, -2 HEAVY RAJ, SMALL GRIL)
>CHUCK: +5(+5 MILITARY TRAINING, +2 NO MAN GETS LEFT BEHIND, -2 RIVKA'S WATCHING)
>>
Rolled 48, 59, 46 = 153 (3d100)

>>5773589
Less biting her bait than keeping the loudmouthed megalomaniac talking. She loves the sound of her own voice so much that she won't DARE kill us before we hear the entirety of her 'masterful' plan.
>>
Rolled 31, 77, 42 = 150 (3d100)

>>5773589
>>
>>5773589
Stupid big-chested villain could never hope to distract us!
>>
Rolled 66, 13, 85 = 164 (3d100)

>>5773598
Forgot roll.
>>
>>5773593
>>5773597
>>5773599
THE ROLLS:
>DIESEL: 73!
>PEPPER: 73!
>CHUCK: 90!
Writing!

>>5773598
Dang it, anon, don't draw attention to it! You'll only strengthen Rivka!
>>
>>5773589
>HOW EXACTLY YOU PLAN ON WRECKING IT
Skewer anything metal and sharp into as many cable bundles as you can find with the mallet. The screwdriver! That fork! The syringe! The cleaver! Short circuits for everyone! And we can stuff the bog roll in and light it on fire for good measure. It's the end game, may as well use those items!
>>
>>5773645
Shit yea, my dude. And yes, please use the CARTOON MALLET. My OFFICIAL SLICE QUEST STRATEGY GUIDE tells me it's one of the best items in the game!

... huh, they've got a chapter here on all the possible romance options. Better rip that out...
>>
>>5773649
We supposedly have a small rubber mallet of our own in our inventory
>>
>>5773651
Shit, you can use that too. Whoops. I'd allow the CARTOON MALLET too!
>>
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As the old man draws a bead on what you hope is some vital part of Rivka’s ride, you realize he might need a little more time to line up his shot…

… and as far-fetched as it sounds, you really want to hear how this bitch knows you!

Alright, you retort as you step between the mad scientist and your pals, let’s hear it! And this had better not be another RUSE!

HAH!” Rivka scoffs, making a show of recoiling from the perceived stupidity of your suggestion, “PROFESSOR RIVKA ILLYANKA BERTRUGER needs no ‘RUSES’! And I think you know QUITE well when we first met… or rather… that fateful NIGHT!”

Confusion clouds Pepper’s worried expression. “Er… Diesel?”

She’s full of shit, you snap, you never banged her-wait a second… NIGHT?

Rivka’s goggles light up with glee as she continues to bob up and down. “Yes, Diesel Crash! Do you remember now, hmmm?”

You do… it was years ago, but you remember it as clear as crystal: a defenseless girl backed into an alleyway by a gang of thugs… the Seccorino Family, they kept saying… rain washing the blood off of your bruised knuckles… cop car lights and sirens shining off of the girl’s teary, horrified face… you still remember the look on your parent’s faces when they were called to the station-

“No idea what you’re blathering about!” Chirps Rivka as she obnoxiously slurps from her coffee! “It was a WEEK ago, you dolt! LAST FRIDAY to be precise!”

Settling back into her servant chair, the scientist paints a picture with her words like a grandmother telling a story!

Oh brother...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773672
“After weeks of arduous, well, for others, not for me of course, work, I had finally managed to wrestle a WEEKEND OFF from that wretched fossil Hauser’s bony hands! And it was my intention to make every moment count!”

Arduous work, you scoff, sure… she’s done a great job-

“Don’t interrupt!” She snarls before leaning back in her ‘chair’, “As I was saying… I had, in fact, managed to lure a detractor of mine into the city for an evening rendezvous: ANDRE ST. CLAIRE, a biologist in name only!” She spits, nearly spilling her coffee all over the orb!

“He called my scientific methods ‘unethical, so I thought it was only fair to show him just how ethical I could be! The plans were set, my cover identity acquired, the means of capture secured… The one task that remained was acquiring SUSTENANCE for the night!” The scientist lets out a dismissive sigh. “Oh MEN... you’ll leap at any chance to skip the courtship, won’t you?”

Yea, uh, you stammer, trying to avoid Pepper’s probing gaze burning into the back of your skull, th-that’s not true! At all!

“HAH! A likely story!” The scientist sneers! Is Chuck gonna shoot or WHAT?! “According to my research AND my favorite food delivery app FOODIE, the highest-rated and cheapest restaurant in the area was a local pizzeria… PIZZA MIND!

Usually there’s a tradeoff there, you interrupt with pride in your voice, quality versus pricing! Well at PIZZA MIND they go hand-in-ha-

SILENCE!” Snarls Rivka as you slowly notice Pepper dragging Raj past the orb, “Your sales pitch is as empty as your SKULL!” She scoffs. “Hohoho, I bet you can’t even recall my order, can you!? Under the name ‘LUCRETIA ROSE’!”

Yea RIGHT! You totally do! She ordered a-

>ROLL ME 1d100+5 (+5 CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT) TO REMEMBER RIVKA’S ORDER! BEST OF 3! BONUS TO GOOD WRITE-INS!
>>
Rolled 28 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5773675
>>
Rolled 57 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5773675
A medium stuffed crust, classic style sauce, extra cheese, double pepperoni, sausage, and maple syrup on top. With a cup of coffee.
>>
Rolled 82 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5773683
Kek. Would Uncle Emilio even MAKE such an abomination?

>>5773675
Rolling.
>>
>>5773684
The customer is always right. And if anybody could pull it off, it’d be uncle Emilio.
>>
>>5773680
>>5773683
>>5773684
>HIGHEST ROLL: 87!
WRITING!
>>5773683
Jesus Christ
>>
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The name Lucretia sends a shiver down your spine–a primal fear you haven’t felt since your encounter with Jake and THE DEVIL FRUIT earlier tonight! One that chills your very genes… It was the MEDIUM STUFFED CRUST, ITALIA CLASSICO SAUCE, EXTRA CHEESE, DOUBLE PEP, EXTRA SAUSAGE…

You cringe as the last bit catches on your burning tongue.

… and MAPLE SYRUP ON TOP… AND A COFFEE. LARGE.

“Hmph! Well I suppose someone somewhere might find that vaguely impressive…” Purrs Rivka as she makes an ‘eeh’ gesture with her hand, “But then again some people, and I use the term as loosely as I can, find SPORTS STATISTICS intriguing… Anywho-”

Oh you remember, alright, you begin to the tune of an old fisherman spinning a tale at one of the corner tables with grog in hand–it was one of the orders Uncle Emilio whipped up with the crucifix in one hand…

“Yes, well-”

You’re pretty sure you had to use HOLY WATER to rinse off those dishes, too! Emilio wouldn’t even let you leave until you joined him in a few prayers…

IRRELEVANT!” Shrieks the scientist, causing Pepper to freeze mid-drag! “Because if you weren’t so focused on my refined palate you’d ALSO recall my specific instructions for how the pizza was to be prepared!”

Once the image of the UR-PIZZA settles into your mind, everything else comes easy. You remember the laundry list of instructions on the ticket–step-by-step instructions as if you were exorcising a demon-

“THEY. WERE. INSTRUCTIONS. ON. HOW. TO. DEGREASE. THE PIZZA!” The scientist snarls as she punctuates each word with a stomp of her foot! “I even reminded you when you delivered it to my hotel room! I was PAINFULLY clear!”

Ah, that explains everything… she’s skipping over the part where she answered the door wearing nothing but a towel draped over her uh… chest... and some lacy unmentionables. You’re pretty sure her hair was wrapped too, but you weren’t really paying attention.

… you thought it was ENTRAPMENT or something!

Yea uh, you stammer as you struggle to come to terms with a memory you quite frequently revisited over the last week (usually in the bathroom), you um… you didn’t remember her instructions…

CLEARLY!” She roars as Pepper continues her journey with Raj, “I had a stomach ache for the rest of the NIGHT! You foiled my plans to SHOW THEM ALL and you don’t even REMEMBER! Ohohoho,” She chortles as she takes another haughty sip from her mug, “But I… I remembered YOU! And that’s when I knew you’d be the perfect guinea pig for my next project…”

… was it called Project: Show Th-

PROJECT: SHOW THEM ALL!” She booms, splashing one of her slaves with Maple Coffee!

SHOCKING.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773789
So that’s it, huh? She stuck a parasite in you because some pizza grease gave her a tummy ache?

“Because YOU gave me a tummy ache!” The scientist snarls as she snatches the bottle of MAPLE SYRUP out of Useless’s hands and chugs it! “And now you and your friends shall pay the ULTIMATE PRICE! ACTIVATING PARTICLE EMITTERS!

With a dramatic flourish of her fingers and a wicked cackle, Rivka triumphantly stabs one of the bigger buttons on her remote!

I WIN, FOOLS! TELL WHATEVER GODS ABANDONED YOU HERE THAT RIVKA BERTRUGER WILL BE COMING FOR THEM NEX-erm… one moment, please…”

It takes everyone a moment to realize the emitters aren’t working–not that that’s much of a surprise to you given the havoc Raj and Pepper wreaked earlier! Giving you a wink from across the chamber, Pepper deposits Raj behind a pile of scrap as Rivka continues to mash the button!

“C’mon, C’MOooON! Stupid machines!”

Better call tech support, you boast as you adjust SMYTHE’S HAT to a roguish angle that you’ve totally included in the last few drawings, because that’s not gonna work!

To your great surprise, Rivka doesn’t lose her cool! Steadying herself with a deep breath, she instead revs the orb’s still-burning engine a few times! “If that’s the case, well…”

Her answer comes in the form of a gunshot from across the chamber! Plinking against the back of the orb, Chuck’s shot doesn’t seem to do much at first… until the whole vehicle ERUPTS IN FLAMES!

Shrieking in surprise, Rivka and her cronies struggle to regain control as the orb resumes its pinball game! You, on the other hand, give the old man a grateful thumbs up before scurrying off towards the gate!

Skidding to a halt inches away from the gate’s base, you suddenly realize just how terrible of an idea this is! Changing shape, texture, and color every second like some messed-up computer screensaver every second, the portal looks fit to collapse… or worse, ESCAPE! As if on cue, a piece of metal at your feet gets neatly bisected by a rogue piece of portal… which is all the inspiration you need to climb!

Clambering up the side like a monkey, you dodge rogue arcs of portally… energy while Chuck and Pepper continue to keep Rivka busy! As you reach the busted part of the gate, however, a horrible noise rakes against your eardrums from behind you!

“THAT’S IT! USELESS! OBNOXIOUS! GET OUT THERE!”

Yep, she’s talking… Chancing a look below you, you find two of her pet lab techs creeping out from a hatch in the back of the orb with some kind of…

LASER RIFLES? Those guys can use GUNS!?

Your answer comes in the form of two buff, parasite-ridden lab techs hanging ten on top of the orb while trying to blast your friends into dust. Any other day you’d think it was cool as hell, but right now you’ve got bigger fish to fry… PORTAL fish!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773791
No time to waste! Retrieving your RUBBER MALLET from your pocket, you get to work jamming every metal item you have into the exposed wires! THE FORK! THE SYRINGE! THE CLEAVER! NIGHT VISION GOGGLES! THE COMBAT KNIFE! THE BATON! Everything you can possibly shove in! The thunder god THUNDAAR accepts your sacrifice willingly, and as you make to light a fire as well, your efforts are rewarded by an explosion inches away from your face!

Falling from the gate, time slows to a crawl as you watch the left arch erupt in even MORE blasts–some red, some blue, some… well, you have no idea what color that is! Freed from its prison, the PORTAL takes its own form… that of some kind of PORTAL BLOB!?

Yea, you’ll never truly understand science…

Filling the room like a burst dam flooding a city, the liquid portal turns the whole chamber into a high-stakes game of ‘THE FLOOR IS LAVA’, save for the piles of debris built up by your friends! And you just so happen to be falling towards the lava…

To make matters worse, Rivka’s burning orb buzzes past you with two of her cronies on top! The air around you fills with lasery death as you tumble downwards, but you can’t fail yet! You just CAN’T!

>ROLL 1d100-2 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -3 LASERS, -4 FLOOR IS LAVA) TO LAND SAFELY! BEST OF 3!
>>
>>5773796
Oh shit thanks I forgot to post that
>>
Rolled 47 - 2 (1d100 - 2)

>>5773792
fuckin portals, how do they work
>>
Rolled 30 - 2 (1d100 - 2)

>>5773797
Kek. This freakin' spammer. best response I've seen to it so far, though.

>>5773792
Rolling!
>>
>>5773811
You could probably ask, but that would mean Rivka would talk more. You're not sure you're ready for more of that
>>
Rolled 64 - 2 (1d100 - 2)

>>5773792
>>
>>5773826
OUR SAVIOR!
>>
>>5773811
>>5773814
>>5773826
>HIGHEST ROLL: 62!
Writing! Probably gonna be the last update of the night--will resume on TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST, PROBABLY! Hope to see ya there!
>>
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Having no wings, jetpack, or anything that could really alter your flight path save for your marginally-baggy and comfortable TRACKPANTS, you do what any self-respecting flightless animal would do in this situation:

Scream and flail like a squirrel falling out of a tree!

If there are any squirrels watching through the portal, they’re probably pretty proud–spinning through the air like a falling leaf, your fall is thankfully cushioned by something big and strong…

… and wearing some kind of lab coat…

Before you can ask, you get your answer when both Useless and Obnoxious swing at you with their LASER RIFLES! Ducking below both attacks, you follow up by sweeping their legs out from underneath them, sending the two stooges tumbling onto all-fours just like you!

Hanging onto the orb for dear life, you feel your hands start to sizzle when you remember the damn thing’s still on fire! YOW! Stumbling back to your feet, you’re caught in the grasp of Usele-no, Obnoxious--a FULL-NELSON grasp, to be precise!

Menacingly cracking his purple-veined neck, Useless defies his family name and starts kicking you like a soccer ball! Your shins, your stomach, even one smack to the face–you get it all! Despite the barrage, however, you manage to hold firm–guess that parasite you had did change you a bit!

Slamming the back of your head into Obnoxious’s face, you instantly regret your action when you remember he’s wearing some stupid welding mask thing! Ears ringing and eyes spinning, you instead stomp on his foot and use the resulting leverage to JUDO THROW him over your shoulder and onto his pal!

“Seatbelts, everybody!” Chirps Rivka as she and her third servant sneer at you from within the orb, “Safety first!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5773889
Dropping prone as fast as you can, you manage to grab onto a thankfully cooler piece of engine just as the orb flips over! Hanging on for dear life, the stakes grow even higher when you feel a hand clasped around your ankle… along with a lot more weight!

Glancing below you, you find the two thralls hanging on to each other as well as you! As you start delivering a few kicks of your own to the lab drone’s masked face, you feel panic settle in as the orb gradually dips closer to the PORTAL GOO below!

You’re not sure how much autonomy Rivka’s Thralls have anymore, but by the way Obnoxious lifts his legs up to his chest and tries to climb Useless, you imagine there’s still a little fear in there!

Said fear proves to be totally justified, though when a cloud of chittering specks leap out of the portal and nip at the drone’s heels before a massive anteater-like snout pokes out from the goo and snorts them all up!

Swinging to avoid a trio of hissing vines covered entirely by scorpion-like tails, you’re just about to disembark when a GRENADE whizzes past your head!

“SORRY, SANDCRAB!” Shouts Pepper from atop a debris pile with Raj’s unconscious body as Chuck smacks a pair of giant cockroaches wearing zoot-suits into the goo behind her, “I WAS AIMING FOR THE ORB!”

WAIT UNTIL I JUMP, you bark back! Rocking back and forth a few times after giving the two Thralls a few more kicks, your chance comes when your hitchhikers slam helmet-first into a colossal smiling mushroom that emerges from the goop!

Using its head as a stepping stone, you bounce off of the probably-harmless critter and land on a chunk of debris opposite from Pepper and Chuck!

Safely landing on your face, you try your best to process everything that just happened… but once you see a winged wolf snatch a pair of flying shoes out of the air before being engulfed by what you think is a sentient ball of cotton candy, well…

You’ll deal with this in therapy later.

Speaking of therapy, someone that could REALLY use it appears out of the corner of your eye cackling madly as she brings her dumb, but also surprisingly-resilient orb hurtling towards you!

CLEAAAAAANUP TIIIIIIME!

The good news is that the engine’s looking REALLY dicey–like it’s actually being overtaken by some kind of DICE SLIME. The bad news is, well, it’s coming right for ya.

>ROLL ME 1d100+2 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -3 THIS PORTAL SHIT, MAN) TO DODGE! BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 97 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5773891
rolling to harness the dice slime
>>
Rolled 75 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5773891
Oh god please not a 1 please not a 1, that last roll was really good and I don't want to ruin it
>>
Rolled 30 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5773891
This >>5773902
>>
>>5773891
Judging by the look of that guy’s eyes behind the welding mask, I’m gonna say he’s at least partially aware of what’s happening to him. Let’s try not to kill them.
>>
>>5773957
Given they seem like they're going in the goop, their fate might be out of our hands now
>>
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>>5773902
>>5773906
>>5773954
>HIGHEST ROLL: 99!
Jesus, you guys... Pepper could learn a thing or two from Diesel, huh? Writing!

>>5773957
>>5774191
It's always warms my heart that you guys want to keep my nameless goons alive and adopt them! Gives me Good Boy Security warm and fuzzies
>>
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Not for long it isn’t! You’re too angry to back down at this point–rushing to meet the orb head-on, you leap just in time to hop on top of the burning bubble!

Not keen on being forgotten, both Useless and Obnoxious clamber up the sides like extras in a zombie flick, but you’re way ahead of ‘em! Swatting them both off the sides with your STUN STAFF, you stab your weapon into the orb’s engine and leap to the nearest patch of solid ground… which in this case happens to be a small hill of jawbreakers.

With what appear to be faces of Presidents printed on their surface.

Alien Presidents.

Huh.

Your confusion is cut off by another explosion ringing out across the chamber-turned-extradimensional zoo: this one originating from the back of the orb! Finally giving up the ghost, the Spheremobile’s engine lets out a final pathetic sputter before tumbling into the portal goo!

… and exploding again! Alright, pretty sure ya’ got ‘em this time… watching the wreckage slowly sink into the goop for a few cautious seconds, you allow yourself a sigh of relief when nothing else emerges!

YEA!” Cheers Pepper as she victoriously pumps her remaining fist, “That’s how ya’ do it, sandcrab!”

Chuck merely gives you an impressed nod as he lifts Raj onto his broad shoulders. Yea, you smirk, that IS how you do i-

That’s when you hear the slow clap. Rising from the burning, sinking, and dissolving wreckage of the orb like some kind of vampire, Rivka continues to clap with a smug grin on her ash-caked face as her three servants ferry her away from the wreck and onto the candy island!

Are you KIDDING right now?! Just DIE already! She’s LOST!

Au contraire, my loutish lab rat!” The scientist sneers as her three servants hastily fix her hair and straighten out her lab coat, “I’ve collected more than enough data for my purposes… and enough to realize that an easier solution is standing right in front of me!”

You feel a fresh serving of bile climb up your garlic-scented throat as Rivka holds out her hand your way!

“Join me, Crash. Be the knight in shining armor you ache to be! Coat the history books in blood! Accompany me on my crusade to SHOW THEM ALL!” Leaning forward to give you a better view of her… assets, the scientist raises an eyebrow.

“Your wildest dreams aren’t remotely close to what I can offer you… POWER! RICHES! ATTENTION…

Before you can respond, a GRENADE rushes towards her cheek… but is flicked off-course by a single finger!

“As a limited time offer,” She purrs as Pepper watches with her mouth agape, “I’ll even let you keep one of your little friends! With a few modifications, if you desire…”

How do you respond?
>DECK HER!
>PLAY ALONG AND GET CLOSE… THEN GARLIC BREATH!
>COMBINED FIRE WITH CHUCK AND PEPPER!
>NEGOTIATE MORE!
>SAY YES!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5774710
RIP the minecart goobers too. Oh well - Darwin killed them, not us.
>>
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>>5774785
Worst birthday ever...
>>
>>5774784
>PLAY ALONG AND GET CLOSE… THEN GARLIC BREATH!
But make it obvious that Diesel got captivated by them malevolent udders for a moment, I want to make Pepper a bit jealous. Plus, it’s Diesel.
>>
>>5774785
Real question is when is bones gonna have us play the villain MC so we don’t gotta care
>>
>>5774784
>>PLAY ALONG AND GET CLOSE… THEN GARLIC BREATH!
>>
>>5774808
Ah yes as a villain MC we don't gotta care because we will already have befriended the goober redshirts, OUR loyal minions!
>>
>>5774794
>>5774815
>PLAY ALONG... THEN GARLIC BREATH!
You dog, you! Let's do it!
>ROLL ME 1d100+8 (+10 COMBAT BONUS, +5 GOOD WRITE-IN, -5 WARY RIVKA, -2 MALEVOLENT MILKERS) TO PUT YOUR PLAN INTO PLAY! BEST OF 3! BONUSES AWARDED FOR WRITE-INS, OF COURSE!

>>5774794
>Plus it's Diesel
I have no idea what you're talking about, anon! Diesel Crash is a perfect gentleman! ----------:^)---------------
>>5774808
>villain MC
Careful what you wish for...
>>
Rolled 54 + 8 (1d100 + 8)

>>5774848
>>
Rolled 87 + 8 (1d100 + 8)

>>5774848
Dies nuts lmao
>>
Rolled 70 + 8 (1d100 + 8)

>>5774848
>>
>>5774851
>>5774853
>>5774858
>HIGHEST ROLL: 95!
Writing!
>>
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You have no trouble figuring out the breast de-errr, the BEST decision here… but an opportunity has presented titse-damn it, ITself to you, and you’re gonna take any advantage you can get!

Slowly shambling over to the scientist’s waiting arms with your eyes wide and mouth agape, you don’t really have much trouble acting your part–in another world where Rivka wasn’t a petty, unhinged, immature murderer, you’d…

Nope, it’s just like Uncle Emilio always says: “Never stick your salami in crazy.

“Yes…” Purrs Rivka as she sends a triumphant smirk over to Pepper’s pale, trembling form, “Imagine all the fun we could have together… and then multiply it. A thousandfold.

M…. multiply…

You fall into the scientist’s plush embrace and nearly lose consciousness as she meets your body with her own! She… either she knows you’re full of shit, or…

… holy crap…

Give yourself to me…” She whispers, her sugary breath tickling your ear, “Everything…

For a moment you’re ready to do just that. It’d be so damn easy, too… and boy would it be rewarding! Until she puts your brain in a jar or something… as your senses give way to your old nemesis LUST, a sound akin to a dying rabbit hits your ears… it’s Pepper!

“Pull it together, ya’ damn horndog…”

And Chuck. Not fantastic as far as supportive comments go, but they’ll work!

Grabbing Rivka by her pale cheeks, you slowly bring her already-puckered lips close to yours…

… and breathe as much GARLICKY BREATH as you can into her open mouth!

GAAAACCKGHHKH!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5774935
Hissing like a vampire, the scientist gags as her servants writhe in invisible flames and drop their weapons into the portal ooze!

ATTA’ BOY!” Roars Chuck as he sends a salvo of TRANQ DARTS into Rivka’s dazed head, “YA’ GOT ‘ER!

Y-YEA! I KNEW YOU WERE SC-SCHEMING!” Adds a somewhat bedraggled-looking Pepper with a trembling laugh!

Sorry, doc, you sneer as you pull the dazed doctor in close, but you’re not interested! With that you deliver a kick that could crush BONE into Rivka’s center of mass, sending her barreling into her goons and scattering them like bowling pins!

Rushing to deliver the coup de grace, you abandon the attack when the scientist nearly gets you with a CRESCENT KICK of her own! Barely ducking under the blurry KNEE-HIGH BOOT whizzing by, you recover just in time to block a rapid-fire trio of punches that immediately make your hands cry UNCLE!

Lashing out with her left hand, you feel your hair stand on-end as it passes inches away from your face spitting arcs of electricity as it goes!

Retreating away from the edge of CANDY ISLAND, you keep your dukes up as Rivka kicks the bottle of MAPLE SYRUP off of the ground and into her waiting hand!

“How… how unfortunate for you…” She growls as a fresh smile forms on her significantly-paler face, “That was your last… chance…”

Downing the rest of the bottle’s contents, Rivka spikes the empty receptacle in Pepper’s direction!

>ROLL ME 2d100–1 FOR PEPPER TO DODGE, 1 FOR DIESEL JUST IN CASE! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>PEPPER: (-3 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, +7 RIVKA GENES)
>DIESEL: (-3 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, +7 RIVKA GENES)

Last update of the night, by the way! BE SURE TO WRITE-IN ANY COUNTER-ATTACKS YOU MIGHT HAVE! THIS IS THE REAL MCCOY LAST BOSS, FOLKS! Seeya around 4-5PM PST ON WEDNESDAY!
>>
Rolled 59 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>5774937
Rude. We can throw bottles back and forth all day if that's what you want to do. Start with the bubble bath for a maximum slippey-slidey floor to troll the boss with.
>>
Rolled 82, 13 = 95 (2d100)

>>5774937
>>
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>5774955
ah, forgot second roll
>>
Rolled 4, 1 = 5 (2d100)

>>5774937
Can we take off our shirt or pull out our rope and use it as a net to block/catch her swings? It should insulate us from the electricity.
>>
>>5774978
There is, I suspect, somewhere out there an entity that derives immense joy from causing this.
>>
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>>5774978
>1
>>
>>5774986
At least it wasn’t Pepper again.
>>
>>5774994
Ha! True.
>>
>>5774955
>>5774967
>>5774969
>>5774978
THE ROLLS:
>PEPPERONI: 86!
>DIESEL: HAHAHA WHAT A MAROON
Writing!

>>5774985
There is.
------Me.-------------

>>5774994
Still plenty of rolls left!
>>
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The redhead’s serial voyeurism pays off–having dodged countless things thrown at her over the years, Pepper reflexively darts out of the way of the maple-flavored missile just in time! Exploding in a shower of glass against the chamber wall, the spunky snoop is already loading a fresh GRENADE into her launcher!

Rivka, on the other hand, isn’t doing too bad either–weaving through Chuck’s DART RAIN, the scientist rushes into your grille again and sweeps your legs with one of her boots! Hopping over the attack, you deliver a strike of your own to her unguarded head, but your blow is parried by a quick swipe of her arm!

What the HELL!? Mina said she’d suck at fighting… sorta!

Spinning you with her riposte, Rivka closes the gap just in time to catch another kick to the chest–just below the padding, in fact! As she skids backwards sending a cloud of sweet treats into the air, an idea comes to mind! If you could insulate yourself from that stupid electric left hand of hers, you’d definitely have an advantage! But how...

Ducking under a haymaker and jabbing your elbow into the small of her back, you give the doc another kick for good measure sending her stumbling towards the edge of the island!

This is a sumo match you can’t afford to lose… which means you’ve gotta go all out! Pulling your shirt over your head with a primal roar, you-

You…

Shit, the shirt’s all wet from the rain! You’re STUCK!

“Allow me to assist you with that…”

Still struggling to break free of what might have been the dumbest move you’ve made all night, you’re taken completely off-guard when Rivka delivers a bone-crushing kick straight to your NARDS! AAAAAAUUUUGH!

“Christ, that’s gotta hurt…”

Thanks, Chuck! Feeling the flames of pain rise through your groin and all the way up into your abdomen, you stumble to your knees and earn a kick to the face for your troubles! And another! And ANOTHER!

Still reeling from the force of three spin kicks to the face even with the leftover strength from your parasite, you’re powerless to react as Rivka brings her SPARKING HAND rocketing into your chin! Every muscle in your face clenches up as the electrical current dances across your nerves, and it’s only after you’re launched across the island that you regain control of your body!

As you collapse into a pile of jawbreakers and gummi maggots, you already hear the scientist’s knee-high boots clomping across the candy towards you!

“Finished already?” She gloats with her SPARKING HAND at her side, “Typical male…”

Your groin still burns (in the painful way), but you can still move! Time for a counterattack!

What do?
UPDATED ITEM PASTEBIN:
https://pastebin.com/RuZL1Xgh
>MELEE TIME!
>GRABBLE HER!
>SWEEP THE LEG! NO MERCY!
>KNOCK HER AWAY AND HAVE YOUR PALS BLAST HER!
>USE AN ITEM (WHAT?)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5775636
>GRABBLE HER!
We’ve got to have more mass than her. If we can deprive her of her mobility, we’ll have a solid advantage.
>>
>>5775636
>>GRABBLE HER!
>>
>>5775636
>THROW [1 BOTTLE OF BUBBLE BATH MIX] into her eyes, then
>GRABBLE HER!
>>
>>5775652
She’s wearing goggles. I don’t know if that would really work?
>>
>>5775658
It may not sting her eyes, but it will still smudge her goggles and impair vision.
>>
>>5775667
Fair reasoning. Hopefully it doesn’t make her too slippery to grab a hold of.
>>
>>5775639
>>5775642
>>5775652
>GRAPPLE!
>AND ALSO CHUCK SOME BUBBLE BATH MIX AT HER GOGGLES! HA!

You creeps just can't keep your hands off her, huh? JEEZ
>ROLL ME 2d100 TO THROW AND GRAPPLE! BONUSES:
>THROW: +1(+10 COMBAT BONUS, +5 GOOD WRITE-IN, -4 MY NAAARDS, -3 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, -7 RIVKA GENES)
>GRAPPLE: -2 (+10 COMBAT BONUS, +2 SIZE BONUS, -4 MY NAAARDS, -3 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, -7 RIVKA GENES)
>>
Rolled 34, 49 = 83 (2d100)

>>5775686
inb4 we just go sliding around on the floor
>>
Rolled 14, 33 = 47 (2d100)

>>5775686
>>
Rolled 70, 13 = 83 (2d100)

>>5775686
>>
>>5775689
>>5775691
>>5775692
>71... And 47
Damnit, she's really making us work for this one.
>>
>>5775689
>>5775691
>>5775692
THE ROLLS:
>THROW: 71!
>GRAPPLE: 47...
But you DID succeed in screwing with her vision, so...
>47+3! JUST MADE IT!
Writing the last update of the night--sorry folks, shit's been busy lately..
>>
>>5775823
No apology needed, QM. Several updates a day is more than most quests do.
>>
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You’ll say one thing about Rivka–she might be harder to kill than a cockroach with nine lives, but she loves to gloat…

So much so that the scientist doesn’t notice Pepper drawing a bead on her again…

“You can’t beat me, Crash! You may have blundered through my braindead pets through sheer luck and pluck, but besting ME will require far more than tha-”

Not keen on listening to another monologue, you cut things short by drawing your BUBBLE BATH MIX like a cowboy’s revolver and flinging it at her flapping gums! She wants to throw bottles!? YOU’LL THROW BOTTLES!

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect! Already making a show of dodging Pepper’s GRENADE with a cocky laugh, the mad doctor is completely flatfooted by your sudden bubble barrage! Crashing against her face in a frothy and fun-filled cluster of multicolored bubbles, the bottle’s remains tumble to her feet along with some of the mixture, turning the candy-coated ground into a slip-n-slide!

As Rivka struggles to maintain her footing, you leap to your feet and tackle her to the ground! Sliding around like a runaway soap bar, the two of you exchange blows like they were going outta’ style! Trading punches as you slip and slide away, your previous pelvic trauma keeps you from being, well, caught off-guard by straddling the scientist! Batting away her SHOCKING GRASP, you wrap your arms around Rivka and lift her skywards!

“You call.. Ngh… you call this fighting?!” She snarls as she leans back in your grasp! “I’m CANADIAN, you WORM! ICE HOCKEY MOLDED ME!

Bringing her head crashing towards yours, you meet her halfway with your own forehead! Crashing together like two mighty waves, it’s the scientist that falters first–and her moment of weakness is enough for you to spin her around before slamming her back onto the mound of jawbreakers!

Dazed by the impact, Rivka barely struggles when you lift her again… until she wraps her legs around your waist and flips backwards with you in tow! Landing into a handstand, she uses her powerful thighs to bring you crashing towards the ground headfirst!

You can reverse this, though! Master Laika’s definitely taught you how, you just need to remember the move!

>ROLL 1d100-1 (+10 COMBAT BONUS, -2 MY NAAARDS, -2 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, -7 RIVKA GENES) TO REVERSE THE FLIP-SLAM! BEST OF 3!
>>
>>5775858
Actually fuck that, Diesel's getting pissed.
>1d100+1 (+10 COMBAT BONUS, +2 GETTING PISSED OFF! -2 MY NAAARDS, -2 DROWSY, DIZZY RIVKA, -7 RIVKA GENES)

>>5775829
Thanks, anon--still wanna update more than I'm doing, but I appreciate your kind words!
>>
Rolled 2 - 1 (1d100 - 1)

>>5775858
Everyone knows Canadians are pacifists unless there's a World War on! Which is ironically when Italians are weakest. This is a civil dispute! We've got this!
>>
>>5775860
Oh jesus
>>
>>5775860
...Oh god.

>>5775859
I guess at least it's actually a 3? Haha, haaaa...
>>
>>5775861
Close one! Yep, that was a 2, not a nat 1 so you're goooood
>>
Rolled 6 + 1 (1d100 + 1)

>>5775858
We ain’t losing to a fucking snowman of all people.
>>
The dice gods really want this to be a dramatic fight.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5775859
These dice.These silly silly dice.
>>
>>5775906
WOOOOO
>>
>>5775906
My man.
>>
>>5775858
Ice hockey seems like a challenge, ask if she accidentally slipped and hit her head
>>
>>5775860
>>5775872
>>5775906
>HIGHEST ROLL: 98!
That's the ticket! Writing!

>>5776145
Will try to pop this little burn in too!

>>5775874
Rivka: Canonically worst girl in the Bonesverse
>>
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Impending head trauma is one hell of a motivator–watching the candy rush towards your face, you remember a move your Master taught you for just such an occasion!

THE BEAR BUSTER!

Reaching out for the mountain of candy, your hands find purchase on two big clumps of fuzzy-looking licorice! Harnessing the power of your AMAZING ABS, you use your momentum to reverse the attack… and send RIVKA’S head towards the floor!

As her blue-haired head smashes into a particularly-beefy section of rock candy, you let go just in time to have the force of her impact lift you into the air once again, but this time your legs are locked around her hips!

Bringing her in an arc back towards the ground, you repeat the attack again! And AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Like a violent caterpillar you inch across the candy island, each slam coating the scientist’s hair with more and more candy!

Feeling the burn in your abs, you allow yourself a cheeky smirk as Rivka’s smug expression quickly gives way to dizziness! What’s wrong, you taunt, you played hockey, yea? A little head trauma’s nothing new, right!?

The scientist responds by grabbing your side with her SPARKING HAND and giving it a jolt! It hurts, sure, but you’re ready for her–flinging her aside with your legs, you quickly shake off the muscle pain as a feeling you’re MUCH more accustomed to starts to make its way through your body…

ANGER!

Skidding to a soapy halt on the edge of the island, Rivka coughs up a few candy canes as she looks up at you with dazed disdain in her cracked goggles!

Wha…” She stammers as she stumbles onto shaky legs, “What ARE you…?

Her worst nightmare, you snarl as you crack your knuckles menacingly, an IRISH-ITALIAN… but even worse: an AMERICAN!

YEEEEESS! YEEEES, SANDCRAB!” Cheers Pepper as she takes out a swarm of flying toasters with a GRENADE,FINISH HER!” Right, the PORTAL GOO is still uh… evaporating? Cool?

Well if she insists… though the mad doctor still looks like she’s got some fight left in her…

What do??
ITEMS:
https://pastebin.com/RuZL1Xgh
>COMBINED FIRE WITH CHUCK AND PEPPER!
>MELEE! YOU’VE GOT HER NOW!
>DISABLE HER LEGS!
>CHUCK HER INTO THE PORTAL GOO!
>USE AN ITEM (WHAT?)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5776619
>>CHUCK HER INTO THE PORTAL GOO!

Bye, bitch.
>>
>>5776619
>CHUCK HER INTO THE PORTAL GOO!
Worst girl is some other dimension's problem now.
>>
>>5776619
>DISABLE HER LEGS!
Let’s carry her back to the other party goers so they can give her a piece of their minds personally. She and Smythe can both spend a bit of time in some small iron cages in a high security facility.
>>
>>5776632
>>5776645
>THROW HER (OR HAVE CHUCK TOSS HER, I DUNNO) INTO THE PORTAL GOO!

>>5776661
>BUST THOSE LEGS!

Now you're thinking with portals... here goes!
>ROLL ME 1d100+4 TO MAKE THIS BITCH SOME OTHER DIMENSION'S PROBLEM!(+10 COMBAT BONUS, +3 ANGRY, -1 MY NAAARDS, -1 DROWSY, DIZZY, DAMAGED RIVKA, -7 RIVKA GENES) BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 8 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>5776685
>>
Rolled 95 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>5776685
bitch is going to turn into Randall Flagg
>>
Rolled 53 + 4 (1d100 + 4)

>>5776685
>>
>>5776690
The I look forward to seeing her in Libby Quest or whatever!
>>
>>5776698
I’m waiting for Natalie Sue Parble Quest, myself
>>
>>5776688
>>5776690
>>5776692
>HIGHEST ROLL: 99!
How appropriate! Welp, let's do this thing! Writing!

>>5776690
>>5776698
>>5776721
>Rivka
>Returning
Careful what you wish for
>>
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Approaching the cruel Canuck with long, confident strides, you easily sidestep her clumsy stab with her SPARKING HAND and deliver a bitchslap to her cheek that echoes across the whole chamber!

Rivka stumbles backwards from the shocking amount of force in your blow and uses the opportunity to aim a spinning kick at your head, but you grab THAT too! Spinning her around by her high boot, you slam her against the ground one more time to rattle her a bit, but she still manages to kick free of your grasp!

This…” She spits as she tries and fails to maintain distance from you, “This changes NOTHING, Crash-

You respond by delivering a kick to her center of mass that sends her tumbling across the jawbreakers! Maybe, you shrug, but it definitely makes you feel better!

Picking her up by the throat, you hold her out enough to keep her hands away from your face, but when you spot her electrically-charged hand darting for your arm, you cut her off with a three course meal of HEADBUTTS!

Goggle shards tumble harmlessly off of your face as you tighten your grip around her throat! Any last monologues, Nurse?

J-just one…” She sputters as her voice loses air, “One day… I’ll… SHOW YOU TOO!

Kicking you in the shins as one last ‘screw you’, the scientist’s counterattack actually turns out to work pretty well! Kicking your arm away from her neck in an impressive display of flexibility, Rivka brings her SPARKING HAND back to deliver a decisive blow to your heart, but your speed wins out!

Ducking under her attack, you use your momentum to crouch into a SPRING KICK that catches her chin and launches the mastermind off the island!

Rivka claws and flails for anything that could save her, but even the tourists from the portal goo want nothing to do with her! Landing in the ooze with a decisive ‘PLUT’, the scientist sinks into the residue like it was multicolored tar!

… before filling the chamber with one last rueful cackle!

Your legs grow weak as you watch the portal consume her completely, and only after the chamber grows quiet… well, quietER do you dare to fall to your shaky knees!

For better or worse, you think as you watch her servants writhe in invisible agony behind you, it’s over...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5776792
Your eyelids feel heavy on your aching face as you struggle to keep them open, but just when you think it’s safe to rest, your ears and eyes are blasted by a flash of red lights and a warning klaxon!

https://youtu.be/eWqMjiVKpQE

WARNING! WARNING! DEAD MAN’S SWITCH SYSTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED! ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! WARNING! WARNING! DEAD MAN’S SWITCH SYSTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED!

As the warning loops at deafening volume, you feel a rough hand usher you back to your feet!

“Up an’ attem’, kid–I ain’t gonna be able to carry your ass too!”

Right, you think as you wordlessly stumble to your feet, Raj is still out like a light! Taking a few steps towards the airlock you entered from, you stagger as the candy shifts below you until another hand clasps around your wrist!

“How ya’ feelin’, sandcrab?” Asks Pepper with an encouraging smile on her ash-covered face, “Ready to escape LAB #2?

Yea, you nod as you feel your strength return, let’s run like hell!

The creepy-crawlies spawned from the portal don’t seem to notice or care what’s happening as you jab your STUN STAFF into the airlock’s CARD READER–as far as they know this is just how this dimension is! As the card reader clicks and sputters a plume of black, acrid-scented smoke in your face, the door it’s attached to grinds open sending a rain of sparks onto your team!

Somewhere in the middle of your grand battle, the army of slashers that did make it across the catwalk seem to have busted down the door… but in the absence of their master, all that remains is a sea of mutated corpses–each one eviscerated from the inside!

“Guess they didn’t last long without their ‘queen’...” Remarks Pepper as she casts a pitying glance at the trio of servants going through the same treatment behind you.

“Neither are their hosts...” Remarks Chuck as he pushes onwards. “Let’s move–this place ain’t gonna wait for us to leave!”

Rivka’s subordinates aren’t dead… yet... but you definitely can’t carry all three of them out with you…

What do?
>LEAVE ‘EM–IT’S TOO LATE!
>KNOCK THEM INTO THE PORTAL–BETTER THAN NOTHING, MAYBE?
>TRY TO CARRY ONE OUT!
>MERCY KILL THEM. THEY DON’T DESERVE DEATH BY ANGRY PARASITE…
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5776803
>LEAVE ‘EM–IT’S TOO LATE!
Sorry, dudes...
>>
>>5776803
>>LEAVE ‘EM–IT’S TOO LATE!
>>
>>5776803
>LEAVE ‘EM–IT’S TOO LATE!

Poor guys, but nothing short of Disiel's garlic infused blood could save them now.
>>
>>5776803
>LEAVE ‘EM–IT’S TOO LATE!
We wouldn’t be able to save them even if we could carry them out of here. It’d take too long to get them to a cure.
>>
>>5776830
>>5776832
>>5776850
>>5776859
>LEAVE 'EM!
Writing what will probably be the last update of the night!
>>
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Your gaze lingers on the scientists as their innards are slowly mangled by their parasite’s death throes… they don’t shout or whine in their anguish, but it’s clear as day that they feel what’s happening to them…

But it’s not that you see yourself and what could have been in their curled up forms that gets you, no… It’s the fact that despite all you’ve accomplished, all you’ve survived tonight… you know you can’t ferry them all to safety.

“It’s too late for them, Diesel…” Adds Pepper as she gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze, “We’ve… we’ve gotta go.”

“You’ve saved more people than you realize tonight, kid,” Adds Chuck as he leads the way through the airlock, “But take it from me: you can’t always bring everyone back.”

Bolstered by their words, you give your… brothers... one last glance before following Chuck through the LOCKER ROOM. You scarcely pass the first set of lockers before the whole facility QUAKES with some kind of internal explosion–one that reminds you that you’re not safe yet!

“MOVE!” Roars Chuck as he gestures towards the door far across the shredded catwalk ahead, “No time to take pictures!”

The pit below bellows steam as arcs of electricity climb the walls around you! The cool, sterile atmosphere of the lab is swiftly replaced by the scent of burning electronics as the temperature rises around you and assaults your already-fatigued body with a rush of hot, damp air!

Some unlucky slashers are still writhing on the ground as you prepare to hopscotch across the remaining catwalk skeleton–others barely react as they tumble into the glowing, hissing abyss below!

Stepping aside for you, the groundskeeper adjusts his grasp on the still-comatose Raj on his back!

“Just don’t look down, kid! Lead the way!”

>ROLL ME 3d100 TO MIND THE GAP! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL:+0 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -3 TIRED, -2 LOOSE FOOTING)
>PEPPER: -2(-2 LOOSE FOOTING)
>CHUCK: +6(+5 MILITARY TRAINING, +5 I’M ON MY WAY’, LIB… -2 RAJ ON BOARD, -2 LOOSE FOOTING)
>>
Rolled 9, 9, 2 = 20 (3d100)

>>5776923
>>
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>>5776928
>>
Rolled 23, 40, 90 = 153 (3d100)

>>5776923
Last chance to kill Pepper
>>
Rolled 29, 8, 85 = 122 (3d100)

>>5776923
>>
Rolled 32, 91, 59 = 182 (3d100)

>>5776923
To hell with the odds.
>>
>>5776941
Well, we just might at this rate, but Diesel's going down with her.
>>
>>5776962
Is this the moment where PARASITE QUEEN RIVKA comes roaring back out of the portal goop for another round?
>>
>>5776928
>>5776941
>>5776958
ROOOOLS:
>DIESEL: 32!
>PEPPERONI: 38!
>CHUCK, AN OLD VETERAN WITH ANOTHER GODDAMN PERSON ON HIS BACK: 96!
Ha ha time for bad end
Writing!

>>5776989
>implying she doesn't already have another new and exciting plan to SHOW THEM ALL at the ready
>>
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The walkway creaks and sways below your feet as you respond to Chuck with a curt nod! Alright, you fire back, then he’s jumping first!

Sensing that the old man’s about to punch you, you follow up your command with a frantic explanation: this whole damn place is coming down–does he really want to be stranded on this side with Raj if the whole catwalk breaks!?

“... Alright, you’ve got a point.” The groundskeeper grunts as he takes a few steps back from the edge, “Just watch your damn footing!”

With uncharacteristic dexterity for a man his age, Chuck sails across the yawning abyss like a track star in his golden years, and with Raj dangling from his back no less! Watching him land on the other side and effortlessly hop across the chunks of remaining catwalk, both you and Pepper share an impressed nod!

“I almost wanna clap...” She mutters before an explosion behind you rocks the whole chamber! Ducking beneath a squad of armor-clad dolphins and one very large snake in a business suit, it dawns on you both that you don’t really have the luxury of time anymore! Flecks of PORTAL GOO sail through the air around you as you both take a few coordinated steps back!

“Whatever happens,” Pepper sighs as she steadies herself for the jump, “Get the word out. Someone’s gotta pay for all this!”

Oh they WILL, you snarl, and they’re gonna pay with INTEREST, too! Bobbing your heads to the quiet count of three, you run but freeze just as a giant, multicolored EEL passes in front of you!

Crashing through your landing zone and doubling the distance between you, Chuck and Raj, the pointy fish gives you both a cheeky grin as it tumbles into the light show forming below… what a DICK!

Just when you think all is lost, your red-headed companion lights up with renewed, well… Pep!

“WAIT!” Shouts Pepper as she whips around to point behind you, “We can still get across!”

Turning around with her, your weary eyes bug out when you find yourself about to be decked by a massive-

FRUUUIIIIIITTTT CAAAAAAAART!” Shrieks Raj as he abruptly wakes up on Chuck’s back!

… and gets subsequently punched for the sudden outburst!

>ROLL ME 2d100 TO RIDE THE CART ACROSS! BEST OF 3! BONUSES:
>DIESEL: +6(+5 SPEED BONUS, +3 CHUCK ASSIST, -2 UNSTABLE FOOTING)
>PEPPER:+1 (+3 CHUCK ASSIST, -2 UNSTABLE FOOTING)
>>
Rolled 42, 29 = 71 (2d100)

>>5777929
>>
Rolled 97, 71 = 168 (2d100)

>>5777929
NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1
>>
Rolled 99, 100 = 199 (2d100)

>>5777929
>>
>>5777954
>NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1NAT1
I tried....
>>
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>>5777955
egads!
>>
>>5777955
Holy fucking shit it only took another thread and thirty nat ones in the same amount of time fuck.

How does Bones do a nat 100 on us crossing a gap.
>>
>>5777961
We cross directly into Heaven and ascend to God's side, like Noah's grandpa.
>>
>>5777933
>>5777954
>>5777955
ROLLS:
>DIESEL: 105!
>PEPPER: NAT 100!!!!!!
A small step towards redemption, Red Menace, but a step nonetheless... writing!

>>5777961
I'll find a way, don't worry!
>>
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No time to think–only DO! Grabbing Pepper by the collar, you leap to meet your vitamin-rich vehicle and firmly grasp one of its wooden handles mid-flight!

Propelled by otherworldly energy and quite possibly FRUIT MAGIC, the FRUUUUU- whoops, terribly sorry, FRUIT CART easily carries you across the gap like a flying carpet! It’s only after you land with a resounding CLANG on the other side do you realize how fortunate you are…

Pepper, you sputter in disbelief, this thing’s STILL MOVING!

https://youtu.be/cyIYD4JDLfQ

Propelled by a quartet of rickety wheels and the juice of dozens of its crushed wares, the FRUIT CART glides across the ground at exponentially-increasing speed! Not wanting to leave anyone behind, you yank Chuck onboard as you rush by and by extension collect Raj too!

“Woah…” Observes the still-drowsy skater as he watches the lab crumble around you, “Am… is this a dream?”

Nope, you reply as you do your best to steer the cart towards the exit, so don’t even THINK of passing out again!

“Aight, cool!”

While you’re happy to see Raj getting excited, it takes all of your effort and coordination to keep this damn thing on track! Luckily the sea of dead slashers make for good floor lube… especially when the cart mulches them on impact!

Skidding around the corner and weaving between chunks of falling ceiling like a street racer, the ride gets a LOT bumpier as the walls around you warp and split open like future chic bananas! Buffeted by muffled, but still pretty strong explosions, the heat around you becomes sweltering as you see your APC’S charred remains… along with THE EXIT!

“Almost there!” Remarks Raj as he gives you a spirited slap on the back, “Just as long as nothing bad ha-”

The skater is abruptly cut off by the flash of a blinding light behind you.

Followed by the biggest BOOM you’ve ever heard in your short, but sweet life!

White-knuckling the cart with one hand and clasping Pepper’s in the other, the four of you hang on as tight as you can as a wave of energy hits your back like an invisible sledgehammer!

Your scream is barely audible over the blast as you feel the cart lurch forward beneath you!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5778054
It takes your brain a few seconds to catch up, but when you return to the present you could swear you were flying!

A crisp, rejuvenating dew washes your sweaty, ash-covered face as a scant few sun rays poke through the clouds above and warm your still-damp clothes. Like a comedian that’s told a few too many flops, the storm begrudgingly shuffles away to welcome the morning… and you!

Always the first to react, Raj stands up on the FRUIT CART pumping his fists and cheering like a wrestling match spectator–his enthusiasm and relief are, as much as you hate to admit it, pretty infectious!

“Git DOWN, ya’ moron!” Chides Chuck as he shoves the skater back onto the cart while trying and failing to hide a faint smile, “Kids…

Pepper, on the other hand, is like a girl riding a pony for the first time–her eyes radiating like sapphires in the morning sun with childlike mirth and wonder gleaming off of them! Turning to meet your stare, the girl gives you a smile that rivals the sun in its warmth… one that you can’t help but return!

As it is wont to do, however, gravity shows up to crash the party. LITERALLY. Landing on the green of HOLE 18 with a definitive ‘FWOMP’, your trusty FRUIT CART does what any rickety wooden construction would do after falling for a good three small paragraphs:

Smashes apart.

Landing on the polished grass with a synchronized ‘OOOF!’, you and your erstwhile companions lay where you land for a few moments as one of the cart’s wheels rolls for a few more feet before falling flat next to a long-dead slasher’s corpse.

The grass is damp. Itchy. You can even smell some smoke from the lab below poking through it, but right now it’s the most comfortable bed you’ve ever laid on…

And if anyone’s deserved a moment’s rest around here, it’s you.

Not to mention the mother of all tips.

What do?
>ROLL OVER TO RAJ FOR A MOMENT!
>POP OVER TO PEPPER!
>CHECK UP ON CHUCK!
>JUST LAY DOWN FOR A SECOND… YOU CAN FIND MINA AND THE OTHERS AFTER! (SKIP FORWARD A BIT)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5778056
>POP OVER TO PEPPER!
Everyone knows after an action-hero survives an explosion, his bestgirl takes priority. Sorry, Raj ol' buddy.
>>
>>5778056
>>POP OVER TO PEPPER!
>>
>>5778056
>POP OVER TO PEPPER!
“Do you do think kind of stuff often?”
>>
>>5778060
>>5778063
>>5778069
>POP OVER TO PEPPER!
Sorry, all, this Saturday suddenly got real busy... update will probably happen a little bit later today in the PST. Until then just assume I'm writing a REAL big update!
>>
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The faint tones of birdsong greet the approaching dawn as you roll like a tumbleweed over to Pepper’s side and find the girl with her arm and legs spread out across the grass. Blissfully taking in the sunlight, your stalwart partner looks your way as you approach with that classic smug grin of hers on her face!

“Hey you...” She smiles, lifting her head so you can loop your arm under her neck like a pillow.

Hey yourself, you reply with a smirk of your own! So… does she do this kind of stuff often?

“Oh yea, absolutely...” She giggles, rolling her eyes as she adds in a facetious derisive scoff for good measure, “Uncovering the truth, thwarting evil plots, flirting with death, swashbuckling from dusk til’ dawn, and getting the boy… yep, in my line of work we call that Tuesday, chief.”

Rubbing her cheek against your shoulder, the girl raises a quizzical eyebrow your way as uncertainty begins to cloud her face.

“... I uh… I did... get the boy… right?”

You respond with a playful shrug as you reach over and give her hair a tousle. Depends… did you get the girl?

“Hell yea you did, sandcrab.” She purrs as the worry in her face quickly fades, “And as happy as I am that they’re both alive,” the redhead continues as she glances over to Raj and Chuck, the former making a ‘Grass Angel’, the latter debating whether he wants to stick around or not, “If present company wasn’t around, well... you’d definitely be getting the girl right now…”

Rolling over to trace her finger along your sternum, the girl lets out a blissful sigh as she opts to flop back against your arm. “... but this reporter has a hunch that you’re gonna be real busy in the next few hours… bein’ the big HERO and all…”

Yea, well, you reply, adding in your own sigh for good measure, nothing wrong with taking a short break, is there?

“Not. A.t All.” Pepper nods in assent as she gives your cheek a gentle kiss, “And I’m a patient gal, y’know…”

Right, you snort, that’s why she ran off by herself to an abandoned mine, right? Truly a paragon of self-control!

“Shaddap, you…” She groans, giving the side of your leg a playful kick! OW!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5778603
“So… where do you think she went anyways?”

You knew Pepper would bring this up… you dunno, you groan as you shield your eyes from the increasing intensity of the sun, but Rivka’s gone for now, right?

“For now, yea…” Nods the redhead before a contrite expression forms on her face, “... sorry… I ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

It’s a good question, you shrug, and besides–nothing could ruin this moment for you, you add as you give the girl’s head a peck, Nothing.

“Pfft, not even, like, a truckload of BOOGERS falling on us?” She snickers, eliciting an annoyed groan out of you! “Or wait… what about a GIANT PINEAPPLE PIZ-

Alright, ALRIGHT, you relent, those would definitely ruin it, okay? She wins!

“Ah-ah-aaaah~” Pepper counters as she covers your mouth with a finger, “We’re a team, remember? So we both win!”

Your irritation gives way to confusion. Doesn’t that mean we both lose too?

“Guess it does…” Pouts the girl as she kicks her legs in the air, “Always the overanalyzer, Mr. Crash…”

SHE’S the reporter! That’s her job!

Stoooop…” The reporter grumbles as she wraps her arm around you and spoons your side, “Enjoy the moment~”

SHE’S the one that ruined it!

Pepper doesn’t respond. Playing around or not, the girl looks tired--like a crunchy little leaf barely hanging onto a tree branch in a storm.

Anything else you bring up?
>WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOING NEXT?
>HOW’S HER ARM… OR LACK THEREOF? IS IT OKAY?
>YOU’RE STILL GONNA DRAG HAUSER PHARM THROUGH THE MUD, HUH?
>ABOUT US…
>THANKS AGAIN, PEPPER…
>JUST LAY THERE FOR A WHILE LONGER BEFORE MOVING ON!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5778605
>JUST LAY THERE FOR A WHILE LONGER BEFORE MOVING ON!
The rest can wait for when the adrenaline dies down and life gets back to normal. We should probably tell her about that mermaid someday, too... Which means she's probably going to want to go hunting for evidence so she can, in her own special Pepper-y way, SHOW THEM ALL that she wasn't crazy all this time.

But, yeah. That can wait.
>>
>>5778605
>>JUST LAY THERE FOR A WHILE LONGER BEFORE MOVING ON!
>>
>>5778605
>HOW’S HER ARM… OR LACK THEREOF? IS IT OKAY?
>>
>>5778605
>HOW’S HER ARM… OR LACK THEREOF? IS IT OKAY?
>>
>>5778894
I realize I have caused a tie. Switch my vote if it takes too long.
>>
>>5778896
I'm not averse to asking about her arm, so count me in for that as well if you'd like, QM, rather than making this anon forgot the vote.

>>5778605
>>
>>5778661
>JUST CHILL AND MOVE ON IN A BIT!
>>5778817
>>5778894
>>5778924
>HOW'S THE ARM?
Writing!
>>
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So, you begin, trying your best not to jostle Pepper from the COMFY ZONE, how’s her, uh… arm, anyways?

Or, y’know, lack thereof, you hastily add when the girl’s half-lidded eyes form into a glare!

“Well, sandcrab,” she sighs as she unenthusiastically flaps your TRENDY TRACK JACKET’s sleeve around a few times, “It’s not fantastic… it still hurts like heck, I can still feel my arm every now and then, and my ability to play the piano is gonna get way worse than it was…”

You blink. She plays the piano?

“Not at all, but if I tried now it’d be a whole lot harder, wouldn’t it?” Grins the redhead. You don’t laugh.

“... spoilsport…” She grumbles as she gives her sleeve another wag, “All jokes aside, yea, it sucks… but considering the alternatives and everyone that GOT alternative’d tonight, well…” Pepper pauses to let out a long, weary breath. “I’m… I’m really just glad I’m here with you, Diesel… even if I’m not in one piece.”

Yea, you nod as that moment back in the mine lab creeps into your thoughts, you are too.

Pepper continues to pout, however. In an endearing way, thank god. “Writing’s gonna be a real pain in the butt, though… so will brushing my teeth… putting on a bra…”

You’re totally on-board if she ever needs help with any of those, you interject with a cheeky grin!

“D’awww, that’s so sweet of you to offer!” She chirps as the energy returns to her voice! “I’ve always wanted to dictate a full-length article to someone… you’re the best, sandcrab!”

It’s a curse is what it is… being so nice to these wicked girls you keep running into… letting the Red Menace continue to burrow into your side, you debate asking her about how she lost her arm now that you’re safe… but you quickly and quietly reconsider when you hear the faint sound of a snore creep out from Pepper’s mouth…

Guess the twelve cups of coffee she drank finally wore off, huh?

You give her a few minutes of peace before contemplating wriggling away–the other survivors are gonna want to know how you did… or if they should start swimming. Not to mention Chuck and Raj are still here too!

What do?
>WAKE PEPPER UP AND ASK HER ONE MORE THING!
>ROLL OVER TO RAJ!
>CHECK IN ON CHUCK!
>CALL THE OTHERS… THEY COULD USE SOME GOOD NEWS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5779215
>>CALL THE OTHERS… THEY COULD USE SOME GOOD NEWS!
>>
>>5779215
>ROLL OVER TO RAJ!
Hey bud, sorry about Linda.
About as bad as losing a limb, for him, I'd wager
>>
>>5779215
>ROLL OVER TO RAJ!
>>
>>5779215
>CALL THE OTHERS… THEY COULD USE SOME GOOD NEWS!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>5779332
>>5779561
>CALL THE OTHERS!

>>5779348
>>5779520
>REPORT TO RAJ!

Gonna roll a 1d2 here and go with whatever's rolled! Sorry about yesterday--shit got a LOT busier than I expected. Should have more today assuming there aren't any weird 4chan B-day gimmicks. Thanks for being patient!
>>
Oh yes and I should mention: don't worry--this isn't the last time you'll be able to talk to Raj, Pepper, or Chuck!
>>
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You wanna check in on how Raj is doing, but seeing him rolling around on the dew-flecked lawn like a dog tells you that can wait for a little bit. He doesn’t seem angry, at the very least, so that’s progress!

It takes some doing, but you’ve been doing all night–escaping from Pepper’s warm, inviting clutches is child’s play in comparison! Untangling yourself from her embrace, you earn an annoyed grunt for your troubles, but thankfully avoid waking the redhead up. You’ll save that for when you leave the GOLF COURSE.

EARPIECE in hand, you stroll along the green and take in the brisk morning air as you navigate a minefield of dead slasher corpses… passing Chuck as you go, you manage to catch him grumbling something along the lines of ‘’ll clean this shit up on Monday…’ under his gruff breath.

Yea, you think he’s earned a weekend off.

Finding what you assume is a safe distance from your friends, you activate the device and send a tired, but happy ‘ahoy’ into the communicator! Anyone there?

HoLY SHIT… Guess I owe Hank five bucks.

Screw you too, Cammy. How’s everyone doing?

We’re doing…” Replies the Disciplinary Committee member in a slightly kinder, albeit weary tone, “Can’t believe I’m sayin’ it, but Red’s garlic advice really paid off–Ayla, that Rodney asshole of yours, Smythe… them and a whole bunch of other survivors freaked out when we gave them the stuff, but we’re all clear now…

The girl pauses as if she could somehow look you up and down. “... we ARE clear now, right? You aren’t calling to tell us to run for the hills or anything, are ya?

You’re calling, you begin after taking a steadying breath, to tell her and everyone else that it’s DONE--Rivka’s been stopped and it looks like the monsters are donezo too. She’s WELCOME, by the way.

Cammy relays the news away from her mic, but you immediately hear a crowd break out in cheers loud enough to make your ear sting!

Ya hear that, Delivery Guy?” Cammy replies with a wry grin in her voice. “People are already pouring shots for ya’ on this end… we’re back at the MANSION, by the way–gonna stick around until the FERRY arrives. Where ARE you anyways? And uh… are the others okay?

Yep, you nod, Chuck, Raj, and Pepper all made it… couldn’t have done it without ‘em!

Yep, you probably couldn’t have…” Jokes Cammy before relaying the info to the people on her end. “Well shit, dude, get your asses back over here already! If you hurry I might even say ‘thank you’ to your face! Don’t wanna miss that, right?

>CONTD.
>>
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Cammy NOT being standoffish? You GOTTA see that! But you’ve also got the opportunity to talk to some other survivors, so…

What say you?
>WE’LL BE THERE SOON! (END CONVO)
>CAN YOU PUT SOMEONE ON? (WHO?)
>HOW ARE SMYTHE’S GOONS BEHAVING?
>HOW’S SHE DOING NOW THAT HANK’S BACK?
>WOULD IT KILL HER TO BE A LITTLE NICER?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5779912
>CAN YOU PUT SOMEONE ON? (WHO?)
Might be a good idea to warn Mina that Rivka MAY still be alive somewhere in the cosmos, since she's the only one with the resources to find and/or prepare for her.
>>
>>5779912
>>5780005
+1
>>
>>5780005
>>5780011
>PUT SOMEONE ON (MINA!)
Writing!
>>
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Celebrating sounds good right now… hell, it sounds fantastic, but as your mouth starts to form the first syllable of the word ‘aight’, you find your voice catching in your throat… actually, you reply after clearing your throat, you have something to tell Mina first… is she around?

Yep,” Replies Cammy with growing derision, well MORE derision than usual, in her voice, “After everything that’s been revealed she’s not leaving ANYONE’S sights until the cops take her away…

Wait, you stammer as confusion spreads into your speech, what’s that supposed to mean!?

Cammy’s voice grows cold. “I’d let her tell you herself, but you deserve to hear it from an outside source: Back when Hank went up the mountain she ordered her Secretary to ice him… guess he was lucky that Smythe’s people showed up when they did.

But that was her dad, you counter loud enough to get the attention of your fellow golfers, she was being manipula-

I know, alright!?” Cammy spits! “Just… look, she was the one who confessed to it, but… forget it, just talk to her already. Sorry for keeping you in the loop…

Before you can answer further, you hear the sound of the EARPIECE being handed off… or tossed, rather… to another party. After a few moments of shuffling, a familiar composed voice reaches your ear.

Diesel,” Mina begins in a half-smiling voice, “I’m afraid I don’t have any more information to provide on Rivka-

Wow, you remark, struggling to avoid focusing on Cammy’s revelation, that’s the second joke you’ve heard her tell! Didn’t know she had such a good sense of humor!

Wait until you hear me play the piano…” She adds with a hint of a giggle in her voice, “I suppose I’ll have need of my other talents once we return to the mainland–you’ve already heard the news from Camille, I take it?

Y-yea, you mutter, but-

It’s fine, Diesel–I’m not being held in a cage or anything…” Mina explains in a placating tone, “But I suspect my brother and I will have much to answer for once the police arrive. And Hauser, well…” She pauses as if looking for the proper words, “... Hauser Pharmaceuticals is finished.

Just relax, okay? You’ve got evidence–evidence that’ll place the blame on her dad… on Rivka-

Which will help greatly, and I thank you,” Mina interrupts, her calm tone a foil to yours, “But I think you should be the first to know, Diesel: I’ve decided that it's best for the company to crumble. Darren and I both share an interest in distancing ourselves from our family name–there are far too many ghosts attached to it now.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780091
A rueful laugh drifts through the speaker. “Perhaps I’ll start a bakery. I’ve always been fond of sweets… or maybe I’ll just work on my Stand-Up Comedy routine…

A pause.

... that was also a joke.

Still, you counter, it’s… it’s not fair-

I was the one that told everyone, Diesel,” The heiress adds, “I didn’t want to harbor any more secrets. Manipulated or not, my actions endangered everyone here tonight… and even cost a few lives.

It’s fine, you reply with an angry sigh, you’ll… Rivka’s not dead, okay? She fell into a portal that went haywire and… and she might come back some day! You’ll need all the resources Mina can scrounge up!

The Class Prez takes a moment to weigh your words, but when she responds there’s still a smile in her tone.

I’m relieved to hear that.

Errr, Earth to Mina: the batshit insane scientist is STILL ALI-

But she lost this battle,” Mina interjects, “And if she still lives then my family can still get justice for what she did… and if she dies elsewhere, well…” You’re pretty sure she shrugs, “Then all the better, really.

Not gonna lie, Cammy took you off-guard here, but so did Mina–why… Why on Earth would she just reveal all that incriminating crap? After everything that’s happened!?

I don’t want to be burdened by any more lies.” She answers, as if that explains everything, “And neither does Darren. Our father thrived on them, but you know how that served him in the end. We can discuss the future when you return to the Mansion, Diesel.

But-

And… thank you,” Mina adds with a touch of sadness in her voice, “For all that you’ve done. Your kindness and candidness have been… refreshing.”

Anything else for Mina?
>PUT SOMEONE ELSE ON (WHO?)
>YOU’LL GET HER OUT OF THIS, YOU PROMISE!
>WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HAUSER, EXACTLY?
>WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY THE POLICE?
>SEE YOU SOON, MINA (HANG UP)
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>5780097
>SEE YOU SOON, MINA (HANG UP)
>>
>>5780097
>SEE YOU SOON, MINA (HANG UP)
>>
>>5780097
>SEE YOU SOON, MINA (HANG UP)
>>
>>5780109
>>5780155
>>5780159
>SEEYA SOON
Writing!
>>
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You find yourself at a loss for words. You’ve only known Mina for a night, true, but you know her well enough to understand that once she commits to something, well…

She’s not gonna change her mind.

You’re welcome, you reply with a nod, you’ll see her soon.

“The dawn has arrived, Diesel…” She adds in a poetic, almost whimsical tone, “And we live to see it thanks to you. Hurry back.”

With that the line goes dead–not that you had anything else urgent to say over the RADIO anyways. Stretching in the sunlight as you watch your friends idle on the green from afar, you decide to:

>CHECK IN WITH CHUCK!
>WAKE PEPPER UP! YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY!
>RAMBLE OVER TO RAJ!
>GATHER THE TEAM–TIME TO HEAD TO THE MANSION!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5780213
>RAMBLE OVER TO RAJ!
>>
>>5780213
>RAMBLE OVER TO RAJ!
Sorry about Linda, bro.
>>
>>5780213
>>RAMBLE OVER TO RAJ!
>>
>>5780216
>>5780217
>>5780268
>RAAAAJJJJJ!
Writing!
>>
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Check in on your best bud, of course! He doesn’t seem that broken up as you approach him lying spread out on the grass, but still waters run deep, right? Your attempt at comforting the skater is soundly thwarted, however, when Raj leaps to his feet with uncharacteristic agility and TACKLES you into a BRO HUG!

“Stick a fork in that science lady, Dee, cuz’ she’s DONE!” He exclaims as he grabs you by the shoulders and gives you a firm shake!

“... she uh… we did beat her, right?” He adds, his enthusiasm swiftly giving way to more subdued confusion. “Don’t really remember much to be honest, bro.”

Yea, well, you reply as you give his damp, grass-stained back a few pats before wriggling out of the hug, he did take out a GIANT CARTOON CAT WITH MALLET himself… a feat like that would make anyone tired.

If you look closely you can see one of the skater’s eyes bugging out in surprise underneath his jungle of bangs! “Woaaah… Wait, really? No shit?”

Jesus… he’s… he doesn’t remember anything, does he? Raj shrugs as he drops back onto the grass and takes a seat, “I remember LINDA getting whomped, yea… next thing I know the old guy’s got me, like, over his shoulder…”

Right, you nod, about Linda… the skater perks up a bit at the sound of his trusty deck’s name.

“Yea?”

Well, you sigh, popping a squat next to him and scratching your head as you ponder how to word it, you’re… you’re sorry she got ‘whomped’. She was a damn fine board and… and you can’t help but feel responsible for her untimely demise. If he wants you’ll buy hi-

Your buddy cuts you off by wrapping his bare and somewhat sweaty arm across your shoulders with a long sigh.

“Look, bro: I’ve lost more boards than I can count. Seriously.”

You don’t doubt it.

“Linda, though… well, Linda was special. Got her from one of the kids I used to skate with down at the ORANGE CLIFFS WASH, y’know?”

Ah yes, THE WASH, you nod, that cement monstrosity that apparently used to be a river leading out to sea… never struck you as a prime skating spot.

“Ha! Cuz’ it’s not!” Laughs Raj, prompting Pepper to stir a bit from her cat nap! “Once you hop that fence, though, it’s like… like having a whole highway open to ya… just for skating. And Linda was the one that knew all the cool spots: there was the MURAL, obvs–that’s where all the graffiti artists sprayed cool stuff… then there’s the BREW BRIDGE--there’s this old cooler there that people just fill up with ice and brews… ohh, and the FAIRY FOUNTAIN! My fave!”

What’s so special about that one?

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780358
“Right, so get this:” The skater explains with growing excitement in his tone, “There’s this whole stretch of wash that goes underground, right? And usually you gotta steer clear of those places cuz’ that’s where all the freaks hang out–the ones that bite you and stuff, not the like, cool people that are also freaks, y’know?”

Sure, you nod, but what about the fountain?

“Oh yea, huh! So anyways,” He continues with a knowing grin, “There’s this one tunnel that goes REAL deep. Like, no sunlight, no work lights, nothing, dude… just HEART OF DARKNESS far as the eye can see, bro!”

Raj’s voice softens almost to the point of reverence.

“But if you have a stalwart heart, bro, you may come across… da-da-DA-NAH! THE FAIRY FOUNTAIN!

But, you frown, but what IS it!?

“Right, sorry! So imagine, like, a FAIRY GROVE in your head, alright? What do you see?”

Well, you sigh as you lean back a bit to ponder, you think of mushrooms the size of buildings towering over your head, eerie lights of all sorts of colors flitting about… water as clear as glass that glows-

“Woah…” Nods Raj, “That’s… that’s rad, Dee…”

Were you close?

“NOPE!” He laughs with a good-natured shrug, “But there ARE a bunch of plants growing down there–ferns, flowers, buncha trees too… and there’s water, yea, but you learn after the first few times that you shouldn’t drink it…”

First few? The skater nods.

“Anyways, there’s no light at all though! So, like, how do the plants grow, you might ask!”

Yea, you reply with an excited nod, you DO ask! How!?

“Well,” The skater replies in a smug, matter-of-fact tone, “It’s…. A mystery!

You blink. Not sure what you expected.

“See, Linda woulda’ been able to answer ya.” Sighs Raj as he rocks back and forth. “She was… she was cool, man. She’d always wait up for ya when you ate shit, and even when other skaters gave her crap she didn’t really react, y’know? Like… it all washed offa’ her. Linda was like…”

Raj pauses, picking through the words that come to him to find the best ones, “... she was everyone’s big sis, y’know? Not legally, though.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780360
She does seem pretty cool, you remark as you struggle to imagine what this mythic ‘Linda’ looked like, so…

Raj’s face grows grave. “You wanna know where she is… don’t ya?”

Well… yea, you nod, realizing you might have touched on a sore subject, sorry, Raj, you-

“Nah, man, I’m the one that brought it up.” He counters with a reassuring smile! “Truth is, well… I dunno where she went. Word is she moved to another town, but… I dunno, seems weird that she’d just up an’ bail, y’know?”

You respond with a shrug. You never know what people are going through, do you, though? Raj nods in assent.

“Yea… she was always asking about everyone else’s lives and problems… never really brought up her own stuff… I dunno, man…” His face scrunching up in indecision, the skater turns to look you in the eyes. “I probably searched for her for a whole year, man… never got a lead. So I named my board after her to like… commemorate her legacy, or something.”

But… but it got crushed into splinters, you counter! B-by a GIANT CARTOON CAT WITH MALLET! How is he not flipping out?

“Ehhh, the real Linda wouldn’t have given a crap.” The skater shrugs with a renewed grin on his face. “Every time she ate shit, lost a wheel, got mud on her pants… she’d just shrug it off an’ laugh, y’know?” A few laughs escape Raj’s mouth as a funny memory graces his face. “There… heheh… there was this one time, right? She was gonna ride this one rail all the way… and… and there was this bottle… an-HAHAHAH!”

Realizing he’s losing you, your buddy shakes off the laughter and lets out a long breath! “A-anyways… she split her pants, like, the whole way, dude… so I offered her mine and… shiiit, we were laughing all the way home…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780362
Chuckling to himself for another minute or so, Raj steadies himself with a deep breath before turning your way again. “So uh… yea. Getting mad’s fine an’ all, but life goes on, right? Like this whole ISLAND ADVENTURE thing.”

Sure, you respond with a frown, but people… people died, Raj-

“But if we didn’t do our thing, a lot more people would have, right?” He counters with a raised eyebrow! “Like… I know, man–I was there when Ronnie got bit. And it still hurts…” The skater adds as he wraps his arms around his chest, “But… but because of us we get to hang out on the golf course right now… and enjoy the sun. And laugh. And… and a bunch of other crap.”

Your friend’s face grows serious as you feel his gaze intensify.

“Life’s always gonna crap on us, man… you’re always gonna fall off your board. But Linda taught me that there’s really only one thing to do when you fall:”

Get back on’, right?

Raj blinks. “Shiiit, that’s what she meant! I always thought Linda was sayin’, like, ‘Don’t fall at all’! Damn, you’re smart!”

Giving your shoulder a playful punch, Raj takes in another big gulp of morning air and smiles! “Future’s lookin’ bright, man–there’ll be clouds, sure, but there’s gonna be sun too…”

He frowns a bit as he glances skyward. “... maybe some humidity. Hail. I dunno, man, I ain’t a weather guy.”

Staring upwards for a few more minutes, Raj breaks from his trance and looks at you excitedly! “So! You an’ Pep want some privacy or something? I can tell the old man I gotta whizz or something if you need privacy!”

Shit, dude, you stammer, no, you-wait… how would that lure Chuck away?

“Trust in the process, my duuuude…” Replies the skater in a knowing, and somewhat scary, tone as he taps the side of his head. “Or wait… are we leavin’ now?”

Never change, Raj… never change.

What do?
>WHAT WILL YOU DO AFTER THIS?
>YOU WANT HELP SEARCHING FOR LINDA?
>ANYONE YOU WANNA CHECK IN ON WHEN WE GET TO THE MANSION?
>RIVKA’S STILL OUT THERE, Y’KNOW…
>WERE YOU AND LINDA, UH… CLOSE? LIKE CLOSE-CLOSE?
>THANKS AGAIN, RAJ–SIT TIGHT. (LEAVE CONVO)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5780364
>>THANKS AGAIN, RAJ–SIT TIGHT. (LEAVE CONVO)
>>
>>5780364
>THANKS AGAIN, RAJ–SIT TIGHT. (LEAVE CONVO)


Leave this one for ANOTHER ADVENTURE I think.
>YOU WANT HELP SEARCHING FOR LINDA?
>>
>>5780364
>THANKS AGAIN, RAJ–SIT TIGHT. (LEAVE CONVO)
I do have a guess about what happened to Linda involving a certain mad scientist, a laboratory and a kidnapped test subject, but sharing it might ruin the moment.
>>
>>5780364
>THANKS AGAIN, RAJ–SIT TIGHT. (LEAVE CONVO)
>>
>>5780366
>>5780382
>>5780384
>>5780420
>LATER, RAJ!
Writing!
>>
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As you rise to your feet and brush as much grass off of your pants as you can, you give Raj’s shoulder one more reassuring pat for the road. Thanks for telling me about Linda, buddy… and for everything else.

The skater bro merely shrugs and smiles. “What’re friends for, right, bro?”

Right, you nod as you return the smile, well sit tight for a minute, man… you’ll be heading out soon!

“Never thought I’d be happy to leave an island getaway…” He remarks as he flops back onto the green! “Pretty zen without all the creepy-crawlies…”

Leaving Raj to his musings, you find Pepper still dozing away like a cat on a warm windowsill… and Chuck fiddling with a nearby GOLF CART. As nice of a morning it is, you’re not exactly keen on walking all the way back to the MANSION…

What’s next?
>GATHER THE TEAM–TIME TO HEAD TO THE MANSION!
>CHAT UP CHUCK FOR A MOMENT!
>ASK PEPPER ONE MORE THING!
>TALK TO RAJ ABOUT ONE OTHER SUBJECT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5780511
>GATHER THE TEAM–TIME TO HEAD TO THE MANSION!
Chuck's a man of few words, and probably eager to reunite with his daughter.
>>
>>5780511
>GATHER THE TEAM–TIME TO HEAD TO THE MANSION!
>>
>>5780511
>>GATHER THE TEAM–TIME TO HEAD TO THE MANSION!
>>
>>5780515
>>5780530
>>5780547
>TO THE MANSION!
Writing the last update of the evening! Should have more MONDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Here goes!
>>
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Strolling over to the old man as he tinkers with the vehicle, you sidle up next to him and lean against the cart. Need any hel-

The groundskeeper answers by retrieving a massing KEYRING from his pocket and shoving one of the many into the ignition port! Cranking the engine, the old man turns to you with a faint twinkle in his eye.

“Nope. You kids ready?”

What more could be said to Chuck? The man guided you through Hell with barely a complaint… and as much of a wellspring as he is for good conversation, you can tell he’s already missing his daughter–especially now that he knows she’s alive and well.

Abducted by the shitty company he works for, but yea… alive.

Motioning for him to give you a sec, you head over to Raj and jab your thumb towards the cart. Time to go, man.

“Prolly for the best, too…” The skater mutters as he starts scratching his haunches like an old bloodhound, “Think I’m allergic to grass, dude…”

You’ll find him some ointment when you get back to the MANSION, you reply as you help your friend to his feet. Lemme just grab Pep first.

Shooting a pair of GUN FINGAHS at you like you’ve got some sort of ulterior motive, Raj ambles over to Chuck while you approach the sleeping redhead. She stirs a bit as you approach, but as she puckers her lips in her sleep you rouse her in a far-less romantic fashion…

AACK! What the Hell, sandcrab!?” She sputters as you prod her hindquarters a few times with your foot, “I was… I was having a good dream...”

Well she can have it again later when she isn’t sleeping on a golf course like a dang hobo, you grunt impatiently! C’mon–people are waiting for us!

“Yea, yea… I’m goin’...” She yawns, wiping the sleep from her half-lidded eyes. “So,” she continues as you walk with her to the cart, “I wager they know we’re clear…ish now?”

Yea, you nod, but it sounds like her big exposé on Hauser might not hit as hard–apparently Mina revealed she was gonna have Tina take out Hank up at the BROADCAST TOWER...

“Wait, WHAT?!” Sputters the redhead as she nearly trips over her own feet in shock, “That’s… she… wha!?”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780654
“Whazzat about Hank making out with a tower?” Asks Raj as the two of you climb into the back seat of the cart! Relaying what Mina and Cammy told you over the EARPIECE, Pepper’s the first to pierce the awkward silence!

“... Well I might not be her family’s biggest fan,” She grumbles as she rests her cheek on her remaining hand, “But if anyone’s taking the fall for tonight, it’s SMYTHE, RIVKA, AND THE LATE BERNARD HAUSER!” She announces, as if that solves everything! “Anyone can see she and Darren were being manipulated-”

“Don’t change the fact that she conspired with her pops.” Retorts Chuck as he drives at a leisurely pace along the corpse-riddled road. “Willingly admitting it, though, well…” The old man shrugs as you pass a few NOTWOLF carcasses baking in the sun, “Neither of ‘em will get off scot-free, but they’ll make it one way or another....”

“We’ve got evidence of Rivka’s involvement, at least…” Adds Pepper as she fiddles with her DIGITAL CAMERA, “But still… nnrgh…”

She’s still gonna get the truth out there… It’s okay to feel conflicted about it, you shrug.

“Yea, but…” Pepper begins before trailing off, “... you know what? It’s tomorrow’s problem.”

“Exactamundo…” Nods Raj as he continues to lean back in his seat, “It’ll work out for everyone one way or another… I know it!”

You don’t exactly share your pal’s confidence, but you get the spirit of his message. Rather than push the point any further, you let out a sigh and readjust your seat a bit. Yep, you nod, it’s tomorrow’s problem…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780657
Though nowhere near as exciting as your ride in the APC, the GOLF CART takes its time making its way back to the MANSION. By the time you return, Pepper’s asleep against your shoulder again and Raj is looking pretty haggard too, but as you crest the hill leading to the front entrance, you’re roused from your half-sleep by the cheers of all the surviving partygoers lined up with drinks in their hands!

Some of them you recognize immediately: BILL, JAKE, TINA, and even DARREN AND MINA stand separate from the crowd–the latter with a proud smile on her face that barely hides her fatigue. While Secretary Tina is inscrutable as usual, Bill and Jake aren’t… and though you expected a warm welcome from the Treasurer, you can’t quite believe your eyes when Jake’s eyes fall on his sister…

It’s an odd look on him given how you’ve interacted all night, but the guy looks… relieved. Happy, even. You wonder if he knows how close his sis came to being gone for good?

Then there’s the other misfits: AYLA AND TERRA wave at you with polar opposites of energy: Terra half-dead on her feet, but still managing to give you a warm smile from behind her smudged glasses, and Ayla only being held back from leaping onto the cart with you by the SEPSIS bandmates standing in front of them!

Though you only recognize half of the band, you’re still happy to see them all in one piece–FRITZ and REESE raise their drinks as you approach, though you’re not sure how Reese can enjoy any of it through his jungle of hair…

Next to them stand the big drummer from earlier–OMAR, you think they said his name was–cheering his head off while the green-haired girl beside him nods at you in modest approval. Based on her spiked leather jacket and gruff expression you don’t think DIDI’s much of a cheerleader…

Towering over the rest is VIVIAN, of course, not that you had much difficulty picking HER outta’ the crowd! Trying your best not to stare too much with Pepper eyeing you like a red-feathered hawk, your efforts prove to be in vain when the chef shakes up a bottle of champagne and sends it blasting all over the crowd!

… and dripping all over herself. Golly, what a woman...

Thankfully you’re able to slurp up your drool before Pepper notices thanks in no small part to RODNEY. Situated in the group of cheering simps crowded around Vivian, your ‘ARCH-RIVAL’ looks over his shades at you and nods in approval as a cheeky grin forms on his face!

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t somewhat glad to see him in one piece…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5780658
The NGUYEN BROS, on the other hand, aren’t aiming for subtlety at all–slinging drinks like they were going outta’ style, the two coat-wearing kooks and a few of their pals herald your arrival by firing their newly-acquired KALINKSY RIFLES into the air like a pack of warlords… you’ve had worse greetings!

In all the chaos in honor of your arrival, it takes you a moment to track down Chuck’s daughter–so much so that the worried father almost crashes you into the mansion walls looking for her!

You find her lingering near the mansion’s threshold with fresh tears welling up in her red contact lens’d eyes… but when she spots you staring, LIBBY dries them off on her sleeve lightning fast and meets your gaze with a glare! Chuck must’ve noticed, because as you look for CAMMY and HANK you hear a gruff laugh from the front seat!

“Atta’ girl…” he mutters, bringing the cart to a stop!

As the four of you exit your ride, Darren climbs up one of the nearby pillars like an ape man and leads the crowd in a cheer that could shatter STONE! Nearly bowled over by the sheer volume, you’re thankfully propped up when Pepper takes refuge behind you! What the hell are you doing?!

“It’s… it’s for you, sandcrab…” She stammers, clearly not used to this much positive attention! Like HELL it is, you retort as you gently usher her to your side, it’s for ALL OF US!

Striding into the adoring crowd like goddamn ROCKSTARS, you can’t help but feel like you’re supposed to be doing something here… as to what that is, though, you haven’t really got a clue…

What do?
>SPEECH! MAKE A SPEECH!
>JUST SMILE AND NOD… TRACK DOWN (WHO?) AFTER THE INITIAL CHAOS!
>HEAD OVER TO (WHO?)! MAKE SURE THEY GET SOME RECOGNITION TOO!
>DO SOME MARTIAL ARTS MOVES! THAT’LL LOOK NEAT, RIGHT?
>HAVE YOUR FRIENDS TAKE THE LEAD… THEY DESERVE THIS MORE THAN YOU DO!
>GRAB A DRINK AND CHUG THAT SHIT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5780662
>HEAD OVER TO (WHO?)! MAKE SURE THEY GET SOME RECOGNITION TOO!
Moose, and Hank. They both risked life and limb, too. (Sorry Moose)
>GRAB A DRINK AND CHUG THAT SHIT!
>>
>>5780662
>>HEAD OVER TO (WHO?)! MAKE SURE THEY GET SOME RECOGNITION TOO!
>>GRAB A DRINK AND CHUG THAT SHIT!
>>
>>5780664
This.
>>
>>5780664
>>5780911
>>5781416
>HEAD OVER TO MOOSE AND HANK!
>DRAAAANNNNK!
Writing!
>>
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You’re not used to being the center of attention–at your school you were happy in your ‘oh hey I know that guy’ bubble. You knew where you stood and you were comfortable with that!

But here, well… it’s different. In a good way, no less! You’ve had a few parties cheer for you before having delivered pizzas, but that was usually because your customers were blackout drunk already. Here, well… the jury’s still out on how wasted everyone is, but you can definitely sense some authenticity! Snatching the first drink held out to you, you down the cup’s contents and relish the cornucopia of horrid flavors within–did… did they just mix everything in the liquor cabinet!? Where’s a REAL drink!?

As if on cue, someone pushes a RUM AND COLA into your hands! Now we’re talkin’! Chugging that drink as well, it dawns on you that you’re missing a few members of the band–a few key players that, had they not played their parts, would have….

Well, the night would have ended a whole lot differently, that’s for sure. Scanning the crowd for Moose and Hank, your search comes up empty. Hank you can understand given what you learned from Cammy, but Moose?

Dude’s about as stealthy as a fighter jet buzzing a playground!

Seeing your friends slip into the crowd to mingle, you take the opportunity to slink away as well–with luck the people you’re looking for are inside the MANSION...

Before you can creep through the threshold, though, you’re stopped mid-entry by a quiet, but familiar voice behind you!

“Don’t like crowds either, huh?”

Turning to face the person lurking behind the door frame, you find yourself staring at LIBBY--her face sporting a much friendlier expression than before!

Not really, you shrug, you were just looking for Moose and Hank…

UPSTAIRS.” The girl replies as she points a pale finger in the appropriate direction. “They’re on guard duty until the cops pick up that Smythe asshole and his goons.”

Figures, you sigh as it dawns on you that Smythe’s still alive, so what’s she doing in here then?

The girl shrugs. “Didn’t feel like swimming home.”

Ha-ha, you reply with a roll of your eyes, she knows what you mean!

“I was waiting for you, actually…” She replies as she impatiently crosses her arms across her chest. “Wanted to thank you for… y’know.”

Saving her dad’s ass? That gets a laugh outta’ her!

“Yea, that...” Libby smirks. “Hope he wasn’t too much of a handful.”

Nah, he’s… he’s cool, you mutter! THAT gets a whole burst of laughs!

“Oh… oh man…” Libby stammers in between giggles, “He’s… no he’s not... at ALL....”

Yea, you shrug, she’s kinda right…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5781485
Taking a steadying breath, the girl shakes her head at you with a wry grin on her face. “... but really though: you’re alright, Delivery Boy.”

Leaving you with one last wink of her eyeshadow-caked eye, Libby slips out the front door and vanishes into the crowd like some kind of super spy.

Nice gal considering she can set people on fire with her mind. Scaling the stairs leading to the second floor, you waste no time in making your way back over to the SECURITY ROOM--its metal door somehow still intact after everything that’s happened tonight! Rapping your knuckles on it a few times, you nearly fall over when it suddenly swings open revealing a familiar tattered letterman jacket!

DIESEL CRASH–I TAKE IT COMMENDATIONS ARE IN ORDER.” Booms Moose as he extends a hand bigger than your torso out for you to shake! “APOLOGIES FOR OUR ABSENCE–YOU SE-

“Oi, is that the big damn hero I hear?”

And just like that all of your enthusiasm drains from your body. Peeking around Moose’s girth, you find yourself staring at a familiar Aussie ziptied and chained to a metal chair along with several of his men…

Grinning as usual.

“Well c’mon in, mate–pull up a chair!” He croons, motioning with his head for you to enter! “No conversation to be had with these icey cunts, that’s for sure…”

“And we just got him to shut up, too…” Groans Cammy as she too appears in the doorway. “Nice to see ya, Crash. Come on in…”

Thanks, you reply, not taking your eyes off of the captured bushman. He hasn’t been any trouble, has he?

NOT YET.” Replies Moose in a wary tone.

“I keep telling ya: Uncle Reggie doesn’t harbor any grudges!” Shrugs the Head of Security as Cammy flops into a swivel chair next to a very disheveled-looking Hank, “It’s all business, mate–and the way I see it, well… me an’ the boys just lost our contract!”

“Diesel, man…” Hank mutters, sweating like a pig yet grinning at your appearance, “Shit, bro, we did it…”

“I’d tip my hat to ya if I could!” Snickers Smythe as he bows his balding head in your direction! “But no worries, mate–you’ve earned it!”

What do?
>HIT UP HANK! HOW’S HE DOING?
>CHAT WITH CAMMY. SHE SAID SHE’D PLAY NICE!
>SPEAK WITH SMYTHE AND HIS GOONS…
>MAKE CONVERSATION WITH MOOSE! GLAD TO SEE HE’S OKAY!
>LEAVE–YOU KNOW WHERE THEY RAN OFF TO, AT LEAST!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5781486
>HIT UP HANK! HOW’S HE DOING?
>CHAT WITH CAMMY. SHE SAID SHE’D PLAY NICE!
Discuss the Mina situation a bit, maybe.
>MAKE CONVERSATION WITH MOOSE! GLAD TO SEE HE’S OKAY!
(Sorry we almost got you killed, big guy)
>>
>>5781491
>HANK, CAMMY, MOOSE
Here goes something... might get this all written out now, might have to wait until tomorrow! We shall see! Writing!
>>
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With zero intent on chatting up Smythe and his cheerleaders, you instead turn to Hank and give the sweaty tech guy a reassuring smile. How ya’ doin’, man?

“A LOT better now that the cops are on the way!” He sputters! “Nearly die climbing up that shitty mountain, repair a whole communications array with nothing but elbow grease and bubblegum, and the hostess calls off the HIT on you just because some other monsters crashed the party! How’s THAT for gratitude, Diesel?! Huh!?”

Yea, you nod as you struggle to come up with the right words to placate him, that’s… nah, that’s valid, dude. You’d be pissed off too!

“Confession or not, that bitch oughta’ be tied up too!” Adds Cammy with slightly more venom in her tone than usual! “She’d be fine with bumping all of us off if it meant getting the keys to daddy’s company!”

YOUR GRIEVANCES ARE VALID, BUT MINA DID MAKE A POINT TO ADMIT HER CULPABILITY TO ALL OF US…” Counters Moose in a loud, but still pretty measured voice, “EMOTIONS BEING WHAT THEY ARE AT THIS TIME, WE CAN STILL AFFORD TO TAKE HER WILLING CONFESSION INTO CONSIDERATION, YES?

“You’re… you’re not wrong, Moose,” Hank sighs as he straddles the fence between being pissed off and apologetic, “But if things went like she planned they would we wouldn’t be here right now… least of all gettin’ rescued...”

“If I may interject,” Smythe interjects, “I-”

“Shut the hell up, DOWN UNDER DAN,” Snarls Cammy as she chucks a pen at the Security Chief’s balding head, “We’re turning you over to the cops alive--doesn’t mean your ass has to be intact!”

“But I’m so BOOOORED...” He whines, eliciting sympathy from no one.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5781609
“I just…” Hank continues as he mops some fresh sweat off of his brow, “I just wanna go home, alright? I wanna go home, take a long, hot bath… and never leave the house again! I’ll get one of those remote jobs!”

“You and me both, H.” Cammy nods in assent. “I almost hate to admit it, but these rich pricks could learn a thing or two from PIZZA BOY here–dude didn’t even know anyone before tonight and he ended up pulling all of our asses outta’ the fire. Takes balls.”

HONORABLE BEYOND REPROACH…” Agrees Moose with pride in his booming voice, “THE WORLD WOULD DO BETTER WITH MORE DIESEL CRASHES IN IT.

Thanks, Moose, you reply with a respectful nod, but you’re not all that honorable–you did almost get him killed, after all…

A PREPOSTEROUS NOTION.” The giant retorts in a dismissive tone! “MY BRUSH WITH DEATH WAS ENACTED BY MY ACTIONS AND MY ACTIONS ALONE–JUST THINKING OF HOW BRUTISH AND BRASH I ACTED, WELL…” The jock shudders a bit. “... YOU HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR, MY FRIEND–T’WAS MY ANGER THAT BROUGHT ABOUT THAT WELL-DESERVED TROUNCING.

Well still, you reply as you shift awkwardly from foot to foot, you still feel bad about it…

SIMPLY UNNECESSARY–YOUR DEEDS THIS EVE MORE THAN MAKE UP FOR IT.” Holding out his beefy hand again, the jock even bows down a bit to assist your reach. “LET US SHAKE ON IT AND CALL THE MATTER SETTLED.

Placing your hand in his, you brace for every bone to be reduced to powder, but blink in approval when you find Moose’s handshake somewhat… gentle! Wow!

“Jeez, get a room, why don’tcha?” Jokes Cammy as Hank elbows her in the stomach! “Ow!”

“C’mon, Cam–we talked about this!” Hank groans from his trusty swivel chair, “You made me promise to make you promise you’d act a little nicer when Diesel showed up, remember?”

“I do!” Chirps Smythe as his goons nod in synchronized TACTICAL ASSENT!

“Yea, yea…” Sighs Cammy as she rolls her eyes behind her shades, “Look, Diesel, I’m not really good at anything but building sets and giving tough love, so…” Kicking a discarded chip bag at her feet, the girl bites her lip as she struggles to say what she wants to say!

“... thanks. Seriously.”

What do?
>SHE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!
>SHE’S WELCOME!
>WHAT DO YOU THINK, BOYS? WAS THAT GOOD ENOUGH?
>WHATEVER, CAM.
>SAY NOTHING!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5781619
>SHE’S WELCOME!
I never really disliked Cammy that much, or at all.
>>
>>5781619
>SHE’S WELCOME!
>>
>>5781625
>>5781730
>SHE'S WELCOME!
Writing the last short update of the night!
>>
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Abrasive as she is, you know enough about Cammy by now to know she’s being, well… genuine here. As genuine as she can be with a bunch of people watching, at least.

You’re welcome, Cam, you reply with a genial smile!

“Oh but I do love a happy ending… gets me all teary-eyed.” Snickers Smythe as he leans back in his chair.

“Hey Pizza Guy: wanna make me like you even more?” Asks Cammy as she cracks her knuckles menacingly in Smythe’s direction, “Help me toss this shithead over the railing, wouldja?”

I WON’T STAND FOR IT.” Warns Moose with a crack of his own knuckles, “HE IS A PRISONER AND SHALL BE TREATED AS SUCH… WITH ALL THE DIGNITIES AND PRIVILEGES THAT TITLE AFFORDS HIM. WE AREN’T SAVAGES…

“Why did I get stuck with the guys that can’t take a joke?” Groans Cammy as she slumps back into the chair next to Hank.

“You come up here just to check in bro?” Asks Hank in slightly-higher spirits. “Or did you need me for something?”

Good question… what do?
>HIT UP HANK SOME MORE! YOU WANNA TALK!
>CHAT WITH CAMMY A BIT!
>MAKE CONVERSATION WITH MOOSE. HEY, BIG GUY…
>SPEAK TO SMYTHE. HEY, DICK!
>HEAD BACK DOWNSTAIRS–THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE YOU WANTED TO TRACK DOWN. (WHO? OR JUST LEAVE BLANK AND YOU’LL HEAD DOWNSTAIRS!)
>JUST PARTY UNTIL THE FERRY ARRIVES! (HEADING TO THE EPILOGUE…)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5781763
>WRITE-IN!
Don’t know what else to say. Just thank them for the parts they played and head back down to the party.
>>
>>5782400
>THANKS, THEN FUCK OFF TO THE PARTY
Writing!
>>
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Well… not really, you reply, but you just wanted to thank them all personally for everything they did!

Except for Smythe. He can rot in prison.

“The Brits once told us the same thing!” Jokes Smythe as a fresh grin forms on his face.

“C’mon, man… you’re the one that took out the mastermind.” Chuckles Hank as Cammy nods in assent. You’re pretty sure Moose does too, but you can’t quite see his head from down here. “I just… pushed a few buttons.”

Exactly, you counter, and if he didn’t do his job you wouldn’t have been able to contact the cops, right? And Moose–he totally ripped a guy in half during that mountain fight, didn’t he?

WELL I DON’T RELISH BRAGGING…” Stammers the jock in a somewhat flustered tone.

And Cammy, you begin… she…

“Don’t worry about it, Diesel–I get what you’re aiming for and appreciate it.” The girl interjects with a cocky grin. “It’s really cool of you to check in on the little guys.”

“Yea!” Hank nods in assent, “You ever need a tech guy or something fixed, well… I’m your guy!”

“You’re not gonna need a set built any time soon, but I’ll, like, repair your roof, I guess?” Adds Cammy with a confused look forming on her face, “... I dunno… just know we’ve got your back, Diesel. Glad ya’ snuck into the party.”

Yea, you laugh, it turned out to be pretty wild, didn’t it?

“I uh… I almost got assassinated.” Mutters Hank as the color drains from his face at your little quip.

“Told ya.” Grunts Cammy as you freeze up a bit at the response, “No sense of humor, these guys…”

Anyways, you segue as you creep towards the door, you’re gonna check in with the other assholes–see you guys on the ferry?

“You bet!” Hank chirps with renewed cheer in his voice! “You da’ man, Diesel!”

WEAR YOUR CROWN OF HONOR WITH PRIDE, MR. CRASH!

“Hit me up when I get out, mate–my team could use a guy like you!”

Leaving the watchdogs to, well, watch, you follow the sound of merriment back towards the front of the house!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5782613
Heading down the hall, it doesn’t take long for you to remember why everyone’s partying outside–even with the threat banished, Rivka’s legacy lives on through the pools of cold blood slowly coagulating on the carpet and tiles that make up the mansion grounds… for a moment you consider grabbing a mop and cleaning some of it up when you remember that the police are on the way.

… not to mention the puddles of viscera might be the only way some partygoers are able to be identified. Wherever that blue-haired bitch went she’d better have gone FAR--if you ever find her again-

Your internal vow is cut short when you nearly crash into a familiar, and very unwelcome face attached to a head of red hair and rectangular glasses!

Stepping backwards into a defensive stance, you find yourself standing face-to-face with none other than JAKE HORNSBY... but while his expression in your past few interactions was filled to the brim with bitter confidence, the Vice-President now stands in front of you looking…

defeated.

“Mr. Crash,” he begins in a voice lacking its usual luster, “I’ve been wanting to speak with you.”

Before you can reply, a red blur skids around the corner of the hall like a meteor and lands in between the two of you!

JAKE!” Snarls Pepper as she prods her brother’s chest with an accusatory finger, “You’d better remember what we agreed on, bro!”

“We’ll be fine, Pep,” Her brother groans, “Just two gentlemen settling things, that’s all!”

The answer doesn’t satisfy the RED MENACE. Scoffing at her bedraggled-looking brother, Pepper turns towards you with an angry glimmer in her eye!

“Just say the word, sandcrab…” She snarls like a dog guarding a chew toy, “If he does anything… ANYTHING-”

You’ll be fine, you interject, just… just go grab a drink or something, okay? The girl’s expression softens a bit at the suggestion!

“Well I HAVE been craving a mimosa… you guys want one too?”

“No th… actually, yes, that sounds nice.” Replies Jake with a faint smile. “Thank you.”

You’ll have one too, you nod, prompting a cheerful wink from the girl! “Back soon! And remember, NO BULLSHIT, JAKE!”

Skipping down the hall humming a chipper tune, Pepper abandons you with her brother… the one that was ready to leave you in a shed for the rest of the night!

So, you sigh, what’s on the menu, huh? Another sucker punch? More PINEAPPLE?

With a weary sigh, Jake responds by removing his glasses and gently placing them into his breast pocket before tapping his cheek a few times.

Does… is he asking you to KISS him?!

WHAAAA!?!” He sputters, “N-NO!! I… why would… no, damn it, I want you to HIT me, Crash! As hard as you can!”

Oh! Thank GOD! What do?
>HIT HIM!
>NAH. SEEMS LIKE ENTRAPMENT.
>JUST STAND THERE.
>WHY DOES HE WANT THIS?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5782614
>>WHY DOES HE WANT THIS?
>>
>>5782614
>WRITE-IN!
Tell him to quit being dramatic and explain what this is about.
>>
>>5782624
>>5782633
Supporting.
>>
>>5782624
>>5782633
>>5782648
>QUIT BEING DRAMATIC AND EXPLAIN!

Writing!
>>
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Ordinarily you’d jump at the chance to slug Jake… Hell, you still might do it, but something about the way he’s setting you up for it gives you pause. That and the little interaction between him and Pepper.

Frowning as the Vice-President continues to tap on his cheek and even leans in for you to hit it, you dispel the awkward silence with an annoyed groan. Now it’s just awkward.

Would he quit being a drama queen already and tell you what the hell he’s playing at? The cops are gonna be here any minute and you’ve only had two drinks!

Jake runs his hand through his disheveled hair as a long sigh escapes his lips. “... I wanted to… apologize.”

You expected bullshit like this, and yet the words still hit you like a red-haired truck. Excuse me?

“I heard everything from Pepper,” Jake continues as he leans against the wall with a rueful look on his face, “How you risked so much helping her gather evidence of Hauser’s corruption… how you rushed after her when she ventured into an abandoned mine… and how close she was to… how close I came to losing her.”

It’s only after a single tear trickles down the VP’s pale face that you realize there’s no smoke and mirrors at play here–no ulterior motives.

“She told you about why we moved here, didn’t she? How she almost drowned?” He asks, wiping the tear onto one of his ragged sleeves.

Yea, you nod, she said he saved her. Jake nods.

“Every cloudy day brings me back to that damn water park…” The redhead bitterly mutters under his breath, “I remember how cold it was… the look in her eyes and the bubbles escaping from her mouth…”

His fists are clenched at his sides as he struggles to continue–his fingers pale and white from lack of blood flow.

“I was so happy when she started breathing again… I was the luckiest brother in the world, Diesel. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

So what happened, you counter as you cross your arms across your chest. What happened to that feeling?

“She changed.” Jake explains with a shrug of his broad shoulders. “Everything was a secret waiting to be unraveled after that… every person, place, thing… all of it was just another target for one of her ‘GRAND REVEALS’... and after years of apologizing on her behalf… explaining to friends that she wasn’t that bad–that she was just misunderstood, well…”

He shrugs again. “I grew to resent her, I suppose.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5782701
The answer doesn’t sway you, but it makes a little sense. Something about your posture prompts Jake to stare you in the eye.

“I’m not trying to excuse my actions, Diesel…” He begins in a firm tone, “I’m providing context. She changed after that incident, and after my father left us to fend for ourselves I was certain it would be permanent: the bitter silences at the dinner table… the constant phone calls from angry business owners and strangers… the nights spent lying awake wondering if my sister would creep in through the window past midnight… or never come home again…”

Slowly shaking his head, the Vice President takes a steadying breath. “Then you showed up.”

Look, you begin, you didn’t fix anyone–you just-

“But you did.” Jake interrupts, “Pepper hasn’t acted like this in years. She…” The VP pauses to swallow a lump in his throat as emotion builds in his voice. “She just hugged me for the first time in ages… and said she loved me, Diesel… And… and you didn’t owe us ANYTHING! You’re a total stranger to the school, you had nothing to gain by indulging my sister’s manic compulsions, you charged into certain death multiple times…”

Pausing mid-rant, the VP’s head droops. “... you’ve made a bigger impact on everyone I know and love in one night than I have in years.” Wiping his sleeve across his eyes again, Jake looks at you with regret plastered across his face before falling to his knees!

“You’re a better man than I could ever hope to be, Diesel… and if you won’t accept my apology, please… please accept my thanks for succeeding where I failed tonight… and for saving us all.”

Looking up at you through tear-streaked eyes, Jake sniffs before continuing in a hushed voice.

“I see now why they like you so much…”

Uh… well, shit... how do you respond here?
>HE’S DONE A LOT TOO!
>I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, JAKE.
>IS SHE… WILL SHE BE COOL WITHOUT ME?
>DOES HE KNOW WHAT HE PLANS TO DO AFTER ALL THIS?
>JUST STAY SILENT. LET THE GUY VENT.
>HIT HIM!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5782704
>I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, JAKE.
Just ask him to stand upright again before Pepper comes back. This is a bit awkward.
>>
>>5782704
>HIT HIM!
>THEN TELL HIM WE'RE ALL COOL!
>ALSO TELL HIM TO STOP MAKING IT WEIRD, OR IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY AWKWARD WHEN HE'S OUR BROTHER-IN-LAW!
>LET HIM STEW ON WHETHER WE ACTUALLY MEAN THAT LAST BIT OR NOT!
>>
>>5782704
>>I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, JAKE.
>>
>>5782704
>I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, JAKE.

Is it bad I keep expecting Chuck and his daughter to reveal themselves as Art and Syb on an undercover op to take down Hauser?
>>
>>5782780
Imagine we walk in on them making out still in disguise
>>
>>5782722
>>5782780
>ACCEPT!
Writing!

>>5782780
>spoiler
Hm.... wonder what they're up to these days...
>>
Jake might not be your favorite partygoer, but you’ve got a pretty good nose for authenticity honed by years of getting paid with fake bills…

And this is real. All of it.

You’ve only known Jake for the better part of an evening, but as endearing as his sister is, you can see how her antics could become grating… especially if she was an entirely different beast without you tromping around.

You take a steadying breath before offering the VP your hand. Alright, you nod, you accept his apology.

Jake blinks–he didn’t expect this.

“... you… you mean it?”

Yes, you nod with growing irritation in your tone, you’ve dealt with more than enough bullshit for one night, and he at least had the guts to own up to it… that takes a whole lotta’ strength too.

Jake smiles at that. “Hm. I disagree, but… I’ll take it.”

Grabbing your hand, the redhead rises back to his feet with your assistance. “You’re an honorable man, Diesel Crash,” He adds, giving your hand a firm shake as he dons his glasses once more, “And while I don’t enjoy thinking about the ramifications of it all , I’m happy that you’re the man courting my sister.”

If you hadn’t finished your drink a few updates ago you would’ve spit it all over Jake’s face! C-C-COURTING!?

The VP cocks his head to the side in mild confusion. “Yes, courting… after all, in the brief time I talked to her she seemed very enamored with you. Couldn’t stop talking about all of the amazing things you accomplished… how funny you were… talented…” He punctuates the sentence with a raised eyebrow. “Did I misread the situation? You aren’t planning on taking advantage of my sister’s feelings, are you?”

Uh…

“Don’t worry–I won’t get in your way…” He says with a smile! “Though it wouldn’t hurt to introduce yourself to our mother once we return to shore… and maybe you could swing by the BOXING GYM with me once a week or so! That could be fun, right?”

You’re still hung up on the ‘c-c-courting!?’ part. Look, you sputter, you… you just met Pepper, okay?

Jake raises his eyebrow even higher. “... what exactly do you intend to do with my sister, Crash? In the LONG RUN?”

What say you?
>I AIN’T AN ORACLE, MAN–WE’LL SEE!
>I WAS GONNA START BY TAKING HER OUT, FIRST…
>NOT GONNA LIE, JAKE: I’VE GOT MY EYES SET ON SOMEONE ELSE… (WHO?)
>WELL OBVIOUSLY I’M GONNA TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER! DUH-DOI!
>JUST MAKE NON-COMMITTAL NOISES UNTIL PEPPER COMES AND BAILS YOU OUT!
>RUN FOR IT!
>WRITE-IN!

Last update of the evening, BTW--started crashing an hour ago... we're getting very close to the end, folks! I foresee some stuff on the boat back followed by a few little epilogue pieces! Seeya around 4-5PM PST ON WEDNESDAY! Thanks for following so far!
>>
>>5782819
>JUST MAKE NON-COMMITTAL NOISES UNTIL PEPPER COMES AND BAILS YOU OUT!
Hey, look, when we're using it to troll him, that's one thing. Turnabout is NOT fair play!
>>
>>5782819
>JUST MAKE NON-COMMITTAL NOISES UNTIL PEPPER COMES AND BAILS YOU OUT!
Why not? We can mess with him a bit.
>>
>>5782819
>I WAS GONNA START BY TAKING HER OUT, FIRST…
>>
>>5782819
>I WAS GONNA START BY TAKING HER OUT, FIRST…
>>
>>5782819
Switching from >>5782868 to
>I WAS GONNA START BY TAKING HER OUT, FIRST…
>>
>>5782819
>>I WAS GONNA START BY TAKING HER OUT, FIRST…
>>
>>5782852
>NON-COMMITTAL NOISES! QUICK!

>>5782877
>>5782888
>>5782890
>>5783040
>TAKE HER OUT FIRST!

Writing!
>>
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You're not exactly keen on sharing with Jake what you plan on doing to-err, WITH Pepper once you get a little privacy, so you go for a more family friendly answer to his question:

You uh, well you plan on taking her out first, you reply in a measured tone! No need to rush things, right? You wanna get to know her better!

"Really?" Asks Pepper's brother as he stares holes into your eyes!

Really, you repeat! You've learned a lot about Pepper tonight: her home life, what she's good at, what she fears and values, the color of her underwear-

"WHAT!?"

You said her COMBAT BONUSES, you reply with a placating gesture! And while she seems like a principled, caring girl, you wanna get to know her the old-fashioned way! Pick her up... take her to dinner and a movie... that kind of thing! Only then will you have a good answer for him!

Jake weighs your words for a moment before letting out a sigh of relief. "... It's... refreshing to hear that, Crash. Apologies for the interrogation--to be completely honest with you these last few years have left me... lacking... socially."

No kidding, you remark. So what's he going to do now, exactly?

The question hits Jake like a truck. "I'm... not sure, to be honest. I've put so much effort into getting noticed by Mi-" Realizing what he's about to say, the redhead deftly segues into a coughing fit! "... Sorry. Allergies. It's just... I've spent four years trying to be someone for, well... someone, and now I feel..." Trailing off again, Jake glances ceilingward for an answer and finds none.

"Adrift. Does that make sense?"

Yea, you nod, you've been doing the pizza thing for a while now--and you're starting to realize it's been more of a distraction from school and family than anything else! You... you don't even know if you wanna do PIZZA for the rest of your life! Heck, If someone asked you what you planned on doing five years from now or even a year, well...

You shake off the approaching feeling with a COOL GUY SHRUG!

You know what? You'll figure it out. And Jake will too, you add with a supportive smile!

"I wish I had your confidence. And I wish we had been introduced in different circumstances." Jake replies as half of a grin forms on his face. "You're a good man, Crash. I hope that wherever the future leads us, it will do so kindly."

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5783505
All you can do is blink at Jake's sudden supportiveness. He's.... this isn't a trick, right? No scheming?

The VP almost looks hurt. "The old Jake Hornsby would have done that, yes, but tonight's events... and my failures... reminded me of what's important." Shaking his head, Jake looks at you with a serious glint in his eyes.

"I can't get back the four years I spent trying to impress someone... nor can I stop my sister from losing an arm or join you in stopping that psychotic nurse, but I can make the most of the future." Leaning back against the wall with a pensive look on his face, the Head of the Disciplinary Committee nods to himself.

"College presents a whole new environment for growth. To use some modern slang, I fully intend to 'glow up' in a new environment with a whole new eclectic pool of peers."

Yea, well, you sigh, you'll... depending on how it works with Pepper you'll try to swing by that Boxing Gym with him. Could always use some more exercise...

"Thank you, Diesel." Replies Jake in an uncharacteristically-warm tone, "I'll do my best to become a better frie...well, acquaintance for now."

"Status report, sandcrab!"

Slithering out from the shadows like some kind of smug serpent, Pepper emerges with three mimosas precariously balanced in her one remaining hand! Seeing her struggle, both you and Jake leap into action to assist her!

>ROLL 1d100+2 (+5 SPEED BONUS, -3 JESUS WHERE'D SHE COME FROM) TO HELP PEPPER OUT! BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5783507
One last chance to kill Pepper...
>>
Rolled 39 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5783507
have your camcorders ready kids
>>
Rolled 98 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5783507
Come on nat 1.
>>
Rolled 41 + 2 (1d100 + 2)

>>5783507
I like how Pepper is trying to pretend she wasn’t listening in on us, as if that’s not exactly what she does.

>>5783517
Kek
>>
>>5783517
>>5783522
>>5783532
>HIGHEST ROLL: 100 NON-NAT!
Writing!

>>5783517
>inb4 she trips getting onto the boat and drowns
>>
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The night might not have been kind to you, but it has taught you a thing or two… propelled towards the girl with honed agility, you snatch TWO MIMOSAS away from her trembling grasp and hand one of them off to her brother with exemplary manners!

NICE!

“Erm, thank you, Diesel!” Remarks Jake as he gratefully glances at the effervescent drink!

“Thanks!” Adds Pepper as she sidles up next to you with a glint in her eye! “I didn’t miss anything juicy, did I? Hmmm?”

You know she just hid around the corner, you reply flatly, prompting a sound akin to a squirrel being choked from the redhead!

“W-whaaaa? Th-that’s a w-wacky theory, sandcrab! Hahaha!” She sputters, barely able to sip from her shaking drink!

The glasses are smeared with pizza dough, you counter in the same composed voice as you give your drink a few taps next to a clump of flour. She just made Rodney get them, didn’t she?

“Aaaaanyways,” Pepper replies, stepping in between you and the corner where a familiar strand of blonde hair peeks out from, “What’cha talk about, hmmm? You were nice, right, Jakie? Was Diesel on his best behavior too?”

This bitch… yea, you groan, we’re playing nice...

“Diesel plans to take you out on a date.” Explains Jake with his usual subtlety. “And meet mother.”

Pepper’s eyes bulge out at the news as if it was the first time she was hearing it. “WHAAA? S-SERIOUSLY?!”

Goddamn it, you knew this would bite you in the ass somehow! Taking a long sip from your mimosa, you try your best to ignore the EVEN MORE SMUG LOOK on Pepper’s face, but it ain’t happening!

Welp, at least she’s happy. AND she’s got your TRENDY TRACK JACKET--why wouldn’t she be?

As an awkward silence falls over the hall, you decide to…
>ASK JAKE SOMETHING!
>EMBARRASS PEPPER SOMEHOW!
>CHASE DOWN RODNEY!
>DISAPPEAR INTO THE PARTY–GOTTA FIND (WHO?)!
>WHEN’S THAT BOAT GETTING HERE ANYWAYS? (FAST-FORWARD)!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5783567
>CHASE DOWN RODNEY!
It is time. We must bury the hatchet and admit that perhaps he is not entirely a monster.
>>
>>5783567
>CHASE DOWN RODNEY!
We gotta rebuild a bridge with the idiot homie.
>>
>>5783583
>>5783604
>RUN DOWN RODNEY!
RITI-err, WRITING! Might tap out earlier than usual though, folks--feeling pretty drained. We'll see how it goes!
>>
>>5783627
No pressure, QM!
>>
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Well, you sigh, swishing your drink around the glass as you take a few steps down the hall towards Rodney’s last position, you’re gonna make the rounds, so-

“Yeah yeah, go on then…” Chides Pepper with a smirk! “Jake and I gotta’ catch up anyways…”

Responding to Jake’s wave with one of your own, you make your way in the direction you saw your ‘Rival’ retreat keeping your eyes peeled for any sign of that gaudy snakeskin jacket!

For a moment it seems futile–with no sign of your old nemesis and a whole crowd of people outside, you worry that he’s already slipped away…

And you really don’t wanna spend a lot of time tracking him down!

Just when you’re about to forget about it, you’re given an ‘in’--a clump of PIZZA DOUGH stuck to the carpet ahead! And another! And ANOTHER! Following them like breadcrumbs, you find that the trail doesn’t lead you downstairs at all…

… but into a familiar room!

“Hey hey, Pizza Guy!”

Whirling to face the owner of the voice, you relax a little bit when you realize who the voice belongs to! Sipping from a nondescript DUO CUP with a smile on her tanned face, Vivian waves to you as you raise an eyebrow her way!

Viv, you begin, what uh… what are you doing here?

The amazon shrugs her broad shoulders. “Rod told me to meet him here. Said he had something neat to show me.”

And she TRUSTED him?! Before you can get an answer, the SAUNA door bursts open with a dramatic cloud of steam… and a familiar slow clap!

https://youtu.be/GCtBldZa9qs

“Well well well… looks like the curtains are just about to fall, ey, Dee?”

Oh godDAMN it, you groan as your old foe takes his time emerging from the cloud, you have a BEVERAGE, okay? You’re not doing this crap right now!

“I’m afraid we ARE...” Purrs the pest as he cracks his neck and winks at Vivian as she watches politely from the side! “Y’see, Diesel, you’re hot shit right now… but if I beat ya’ now, well…” Rodney raises an eyebrow over his dumb shades. “... Everyone’s gonna know that I’m HOTTER shit! Right, Viv?!”

“You betcha!” The girl smiles, “Have fun, you two!”

Tearing off his jacket and throwing it over to the girl (who easily dodges it), Rodney’s fingers explode into motion as he spreads a web of PIZZA DOUGH in front of him like a net! “Oh we’ll have FUN alright… So whaddaya’ say, pal? We doin’ this? Or do you wanna grab some more audience members?”

Part of you wants to believe Rod’s just doing this to impress Vivian, but on the other hand… he IS pretty dumb…

What DO!?
>FIGHT HIM! IF HE REALLY WANTS TO…
>YEA, LEMME GRAB SOME PEOPLE! (WHO?)
>UH-HUH, LET ME GRAB SOMEONE! (RUN!)
>I’M DONE, DUDE. I’M TIRED OF THIS BEEF!
>DOES HE REALLY WANNA DO THIS? REALLY?
>VIV, GOT ANY INPUT HERE?
>JUST WALK AWAY. RODNEY…
>WRITE-IN!
>>
That's it for tonight, folks... work was rough today and I'd rather not rush anything. Will update more tomorrow though, honest!

>>5783650
Thanks, anon. Still wanna make sure we're on-track to epilogue stuff and all so I'm trying to keep pace here, but you're right--I oughta take it easier!
>>
>>5783655
>THROW THE FIGHT
Let him have this one. Viv is a HELL of a woman, but we have a spicy meatball of our own, and Pep's the jealous type.
>>
>>5783655

> HUG HIM...INTO A SUPLEX! NAH, JUST HUG HIM. DUDE SAVED YOU TWO-THREE TIMES TONIGHT? GOT NOTHING TO PROVE TO ANYONE.
>>
>>5783666
I'd back the hug too, in tie.
>>
>>5783666
Satan speaks the truth. +1
>>
>>5783666
>>5783676
>>5783733
>HUG IT OUT, BITCH!
You love to see it, folks! Let's see how it goes over...
>ROLL ME 1d100-4(+10 COMBAT BONUS, +5 BURY THE HATCHET, -9 COMBAT BONUS, -10 VIV IS WATCHING RODNEY) TO HUG IT OUT! BEST OF 3!
>>
Rolled 41 - 4 (1d100 - 4)

>>5783970
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5783970
>>
Rolled 58 - 4 (1d100 - 4)

>>5783970
If we crit fail, do we die, does Rodney die, or do our REPUTATIONS die?
>>
>>5783987
Nat 1 results in an equally awkward and sloppy makeout session.
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>>5783971
>>5783984
>>5783987
>HIGHEST ROLL: 86!
Will write the update after work! G-get excited, everyone!!
>>5783988
This would have been the Nat 1 consequence,? yes
>>
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Charging towards your opponent at the shot of an invisible starting gun, you drop and slide just as Rodney launches his doughy snare at you!

https://youtu.be/OyX6HnZW8Kc

“I AIN’T LOSIN’ THIS TIME, DEE!” He roars as he follows up his attack by flinging dough balls at you like shurikens, “I’M PROVIN’ MYSELF HERE AN’ NOW!”

“Don’t hurt each other~” Adds Vivian as she cheerfully sips from her drink!

Batting the dough darts away from your face, you move to grapple with your rival, but he’s too fast! Leaping over your head with the agility of a gymnast, Rodney grins as he reaches into his jacket and tosses another DOUGH NET towards you from above!

To anyone else it’d be GAME OVER right then and there… but you know pizza dough like the back of your hand… and you know better than anyone that if you can just find the seams where the dough’s connected… THERE!

Delivering a CRESCENT KICK to a particularly floury part of the snare, the whole device splits apart like a plate of spaghetti falling off of the dinner table! RODNEY, you shout as he leaps from wall to wall like a coked-out frog, stop acting so STUPID!

“EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, DEE!” Snaps your opponent as he launches towards you like a snakeskinned MISSILE! Meeting his fist with your own, the two of you become locked in a frantic flurry of punches and parries–neither of you breaking through each other’s defenses!

“You’ve ALWAYS been better!” He continues through gritted teeth! “SMARTER! FASTER! STRONGER! POPULARER!

An opportunity presents itself as the two of you are knocked off-balance! Bringing your head crashing towards Rodney’s, both of your skulls connect with a crack that travels across the whole mansion!

“I…” He hisses as the two of you struggle to push the other away with your foreheads, “I just need… ONE win… ONE notch on my belt to prove I’m not just… some PUNK!

Letting loose a feral yell, Rodney manages to push you away just long enough to play a concerto on you with his fists!

“I’LL PROVE IT TO YOU! TO VIV! TO ME!” He snarls as he leans into the attack! But just when he steps back and starts swinging his arm around to wind up a devastating punch, you dart in and deliver a decisive blow!

By grappling him into a BEAR HUG!

“D’awww…” Vivian chirps as her cheeks turn red, “You guys...”

Rodney, on the other hand, is flabbergasted. Befuddled! Confused!

“Dee…” He stammers as he struggles to break free of your IRON GRIP, “What… what da’ Hell are ya’ doin’, bud?”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5784556
He has NOTHING to prove, you snarl as you keep Rodney contained! If it wasn’t for him you’d be dead three or four times over tonight–in the MINE, on the MOUNTAIN... he even distracted Rivka long enough for you to discover her lab!

“Oh yea, well…” He mutters with growing embarrassment, “That was… that was easy, Dee…”

No it WASN’T, you counter! He’s just as much of a hero as you are tonight… even more so! And if he wants to keep fighting, that’s fine, you conclude as your breath grows ragged, but….

As far as you’re concerned, you pant, he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone… least of all you!

As your words travel into where Rodney’s brain would be if it wasn’t so small, your rival freezes in place!

“... you…” He mutters, words dripping in disbelief, “... you mean that, Dee?”

Yea, you nod, he did good tonight. DAMN good.

Standing like statues in total silence, it’s your sole spectator that breaks the silence!

“Sheesh, talk about a relief!”

Turning to face the Amazon, both you and Rodney blink in confusion. Eh?

“Well,” Vivian shrugs, “Rod’s been talking about you all night, Pizza Guy! How you used to be such good pals and would have so much fun workin’ together–dough fights in the kitchen, hitting on all the girls that came in…” The girl’s perpetually COOL expression sinks a little bit. “... but when he told me you guys weren’t friends anymore, well…” Her smile drops even lower. “It just seemed sad, is all.”

As quickly as Vivian’s smile disappears, it pops back onto her freckled face tenfold! “But you guys made up, right? You’re chums again?”

“I… I erm… w-well the thing i-uhh, see...”

Trembling like a chihuahua stuck in a freezer, Rodney looks to you for aid. This… this might make or break his chances with this bombshell!

… and yours, conversely… DAMN IT! Those TAN-LINES, maaan! You thought all of these tough choices were finished!

What do?
>YEA, WE’RE PALS!
>EH. WE AIN’T ENEMIES.
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
>NAH, THIS GUY’S A SEX PEST.
>STAY SILENT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5784557
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
Wingman time.
Damnit, Pepper, you're lucky you're bestgirl
>>
>>5784557
>>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
>>
>>5784557
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
>>
>>5784557
Damn you, Pepper! DAMN YOU!
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
>>
>>5784557
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
>>
>>5784576
>>5784656
>>5784712
>>5784755
>>5784812
>ANSWER THE GIRL, RODNEY!
Oh shiiiiiiit! Writing!
>>
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It pains you to do it. Nearly KILLS you! But despite your differences, Rodney did good tonight–and the fact that he still fondly remembers how you used to hang out reminds you of all the times you pulled his ass outta the fire!

He needs you now. Even if it hurts to do it.

C’mon, Rod, you mutter as you nudge his back with your elbow, answer the lady! He knows what to say!

“I do? Err, yea, I DO!” Your old pal sputters as the gears in his head slide back into place! “Yea, Viv! Me an’ Diesel? Thicker n’ thieves! We just… we just pal around a bit too hard sometimes, y’know?”

You approve!

Placing an arm around your shoulder, the sunglasses-wearing simpleton leans over to you and whispers “thanks, bro” into your ear!

AND dis guy’s gonna be my coworker again! Said he’d try to get me my old job at PIZZA MIND back!”

You DON’T approve!

“AND,” adds Rodney with confidence returning to his voice, “I uh… I gotta confess: I always looked up to dis’ maniac like he was my big brother! An’ you know how it is with siblings–gotta fight now and then!”

“Yep!” Giggles Vivian, clearly pleased to see you two on good terms (and also pretty buzzed), “My brothers are always going at it… but by the time dad’s boat rolls into port they’re laughing about it! Like clockwork, dudes!”

Rodney nods in understanding, but you’re having a little trouble–what uh… what do her brothers do again?

“Oh yea, I told Rod, but didn’t get to tell ya!” Smiles the chef as she takes another hearty swig from her cup! “They run the fishing boat with my pops! Buncha’ sailors…. You know how it is! Really mean when you look at ‘em, but they’re really sweet once you get to know ‘em!”

Her gaze turns softer behind her shades. “... kinda like you guys!”

“Shucks…” you and Rodney stammer as your cheeks grow red!

Polishing off her drink, Vivian lets loose an exultant sigh as she three-pointers the cup into a wastebasket across the gym!

… next to the SAUNA…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5785594
“Say…” Begins the chef as she raises an eyebrow, “I just got a crazy idea to finish this party off with a bang…”

Your heart skips a beat at her last word while Rodney full-on recoils! Wh-what’s on y-your mind?

“Well,” Shrugs Vivian as she takes a few steps towards the sweat room, “I was thinkin’ we could give it a try… y’know, before our ride shows up?”

The girl says it innocently enough, but you can’t help but detect a bit of subtext… neither can Rod, from the redness forming in his cheeks!

“Errr, b-but uh…” He stammers, “W-we don’t got s-sw-swim su-”

Now it’s Viv’s turn to grow a little redder. “... I know…”

The implication is all it takes to cause a full Rodney shutdown! Tumbling to the foam rubber floor, your buddy is out like a light long before impact! Watching him drop, Vivian lets out a defeated sigh.

“Shoot! Every damn time…” Tucking Rodney in underneath a yoga mat, the girl turns her attention to you. “... what about you, Pizza Guy?”

A part of you (located lower on your body, if you’d like a hint) wants to believe that Pepper’s busy with Jake or someone else right now… but another part thinks that’s a load of bull… not to mention it’d probably bum out Rod-

“Dude’s out like a light… poor guy...” Pouts Viv.

On second thought…

>YES! I’D BE HAPPY TO JOIN YOU! VERY!
>I’D BETTER NOT…
>LET’S JUST CHAT OUT HERE, YEA?
>PASS OUT TOO!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5785596

> SORRY VIV, BUT I BETTER TO TALK TO MINA WHILE I STILL CAN.
>>
>>5785596
>> SORRY VIV, BUT I BETTER TO TALK TO MINA WHILE I STILL CAN.
>>
>>5785596
> SORRY VIV, BUT I BETTER TO TALK TO MINA WHILE I STILL CAN.
>>
>>5785627
>>5785637
>>5785662
>SORRY, VIV, GOTTA TALK TO MINA...
WRITING!
>>
>>5785666
>>5785596
GODDAMNIT IT PEPPER
Gah, can't stay mad at that gremlin
>>
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You’ve rejected a lot of things in your few years on Earth: cigarettes from your school buddy Tommy, a date with Mindy Schilling because your cousin Rocco was head-over-heels for her, some hush money that could have bought you a new car when you stumbled across some goons harassing a lady a few years ago… and a parasite that could have bestowed upon you all kinds of power… but at the cost of your freedom.

Rejecting Vivian, however, trumps them all! Sorry, you stammer, your tongue stinging with each word, but you really oughta’ talk to Mina before the cops show up…

The amazon deflates a bit as a disappointed, but understanding smile forms on her tanned face. “You’re something else, y’know that, Pizza Guy?”

You respond with a confused blink. Really, you reply, you have to-

“I don’t mean it in a bad way!” She bashfully sputters! “I… I just think you’re incredible for caring so much about people you just met…” Brushing a lock of hair away from her shaded eyes, the girl sighs as she looks at Rodney’s comatose form. “You know what’s funny? Rod here’s the only guy that’s actually had the courage to flirt with me in… sheesh, I dunno… ages.”

No way, you retort with your eyes bulging in disbelief, there’s… how could anyone NOT be-

“I always figured it was my height…” Vivian continues with her face scrunched up in thought. “Or my attitude… every time I reach out to someone, though, they get all… intimidated and run off.”

A faint smile forms below her shades. “It’s one of the reasons I cook, actually–when I make food for people they stick around and talk to me more… and I can make them feel good without scaring them off. Food’s good for that kinda’ stuff, y’know?”

Yea, you nod, and at any other time you’d say ‘HELL YEA’, but…

Vivian nods. “Nose to the grindstone, Crash… I gotcha. I’ll keep an eye on your buddy, don’t worry.”

Responding with a quiet ‘thanks’, you move to exit the GYM and track down Mina while you still can.

“Oh, and Diesel?”

Yea, you ask as you turn to face the chef again.

“... Pep’s a lucky gal…” She adds with a wry grin. “My offer’s still on the table though: home-cooked meal any time ya want it!”

You’ll take her up on that, you reply with a smile! Tipping your hat to the two of them, you exit the room and resume your search for the raven-haired heiress…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5785701
Leaving Vivian and Rodney to their own devices, your search doesn’t take you very far… passing by Hauser’s office, you nearly trip over your own feet as you spot a girl in a familiar slinky blue dress rooting around in her father’s belongings!

“Oh no… I’ve been discovered...”

She’s still working on that comedy routine, huh? Climbing over the stacks of books and documents Mina’s pieced together, your appearance elicits a warm–at least by her standards–smile from the Class Prez.

“The more distance from my father’s legacy the better,” She says with a derisive snort! “He would have hated me becoming an entertainer…” Her expression darkens as the memories of her father start leaking in. “... though I suppose he wouldn’t be pleased with me becoming anything but his doting servant…”

Shaking the grim thoughts off of her face, the girl smiles at you from beneath a head of luscious black locks. “Have you come to receive your payment for your brief stint in corporate espionage? I’m afraid Darren and I might become somewhat… indisposed once the authorities arrive on the island…”

What say you?
>I CAME FOR THE PAYMENT, YEA!
>DO YOU GUYS NEED ANYTHING FROM ME?
>YOU CAN LEAVE, YOU KNOW… THERE’S THAT BOAT IN THE CELLAR…
>WHAT WILL SHE AND DARREN DO NOW?
>WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT HIT ON HANK??
>I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE, MINA.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5785705
>WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT HIT ON HANK??
>YOU CAN LEAVE, YOU KNOW… THERE’S THAT BOAT IN THE CELLAR…
>>
>>5785705
>>WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT HIT ON HANK??
>>YOU CAN LEAVE, YOU KNOW… THERE’S THAT BOAT IN THE CELLAR…
>>
Gonna pick this up again tomorrow, folks--feeling drained ever since work ended. Should have some more SATURDAY AROUND 9-10AM PST! Thanks again for playing and seeya then!
>>
>>5785770
Rest up, QM!
>>
>>5785705
>WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT HIT ON HANK?
I still don’t know what exactly Darren did that was worth being arrested over. Mina’s case I can understand. She can probably argue that she was being coerced.
>>
>>5785705
>WHY DID YOU TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THAT HIT ON HANK??
>>
>>5785729
>>5785745
>WHY TELL ABOUT HANK?
>UHH... BOAT!

>>5785844
>>5785882
>WHY ABOUT HANK?!

Writing!

>>5785786
Thanks, anon! Ended up waking up at the crack of dawn anyways... no rest for the wicked!
>>
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Actually, you reply as you shut the office door behind you before approaching Mina, you wanted to critique her latest comedy routine–that joke about telling everyone she ordered Tina to kill Hank? It sucks!

Mina doesn’t look impressed. “Poke at my decision all you like, what’s done is done.”

Sure, you sputter, but why!? She’s sitting on a mountain of evidence pointing at her dad and Rivka–what the hell does she or Darren have to gain from dropping that bombshell on everyone?! There are some pissed-off survivors here, y’know!

The heiress nods her head slowly as she takes a seat on her father’s ornate wooden desk. “Do you like this office?”

Wha-y-yea, you stammer incredulously, sure…

“I’ve always been more partial to modern design, myself. All of my father's holdings always seemed so gloomy to me. Like a vampire’s castle.”

Crossing one pale leg over the other, the girl looks at you with her perpetually-hard stare. “He might as well have been one: dabbling in the arcane, hiding behind his army of foot-licking sycophants… molding Darren and I into his fell progeny… an entire kingdom built upon a foundation of deception and intimidation.”

Mina pauses to throw a book on the arcane across the room. “It was this monstrous hubris that led us here in the first place: the monsters, the human testing, Rivka… none of it would have come to pass had he not already been rotten to the core…” Closing her eyes in quiet contemplation, the heiress opens them slowly as regret creeps across her pale face. “And despite it all, Diesel, there was still a piece of my heart that considered him my father. A pickled, rotten piece tainted with the foolish belief that if I did what he wanted, well…” She pauses again to take a steadying breath.

“... perhaps he would change.”

All you can do is frown in response–a gesture Mina swiftly picks up on.

“You don’t need to say it. My father and Rivka are to blame for tonight–the evidence will point to that, and while I’ve managed to steer Darren far away from our family’s sins, I have plenty to answer for myself.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5786233
Sure, you counter, but you’re pretty sure Tina can’t even speak--so why does she have to reveal that plot at all? She was coerced, right?

“Yes,” Mina replies softly, “My father called just before my speech at the beginning of the night. I knew what was going to happen, but didn’t do anything about it… not at first, anyway.”

Her fists slowly ball up at her sides. “But I’m doing something now. I won’t hide behind lies or half-truths anymore–I won’t become my father.”

A half-smile appears on the Class Prez’ face. “Whatever happens when the authorities arrive, I plan to walk away afterwards with no more weight on my conscience. Only then will I truly be free from father’s influence… and after that, well…” Mina shrugs her pale shoulders. “I suppose that decision will depend on the consequences I face.”

She raises one of her eyebrows in your direction. “... and who’s there for me once I return.”

Look, you sigh, still digesting everything she’s unloaded onto you, it… it doesn’t have to be this way–there’s that BOAT right there in the CELLAR--she could-

“Sabotaged by Rivka.” Mina interjects in a stern voice. “And even if it wasn’t, Diesel, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t intend to run from the sins committed on this island.” Sensing something in your expression, the girl’s gaze softens a bit with a hint of an apology in her eyes. “... though your consideration for my well-being is… welcome. And appreciated.”

Staring out the window at the ocean far below, Mina idly stretches her stocking’d feet prompting you to realize her shoes have been dropped at the base of the desk.

“It’s funny…” She remarks with a hint of regret in her tone, “I’ve spent four years working for the student body… even more trying to best my father… but now that everything’s coming to an end, well…” Mina runs a hand through her waist-length hair, “I’ve never felt more free...”

Taking a few steps closer to her perch, your frown deepens even more. She’s not gonna budge on this, is she?

“No.” Mina responds plainly, “You’ve done more for me than anyone else ever has, Diesel, but please… let me make my decision.”

You almost miss it, but as the words leave Mina’s lips she scoots over a bit on the desk…

Carpe diem, Diesel,” She mutters in a weary voice, “I think this might be our last moment of respite for a while…”

What do?
>I STILL WANT THAT PAYMENT…
>JUST SIT NEXT TO HER SILENTLY. ENJOY THE QUIET.
>DO YOU GUYS NEED ANYTHING FROM ME?
>WHAT WILL SHE AND DARREN DO NOW?
>I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE, MINA.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5786236
>>WRITE-IN!
Let's offer her and Darren a job at Pizza Mind if she has nowhere else to go and nothing to do! If anything, we can use them to expand our franchise and keep some good friends!
>>
>>5786348
>JOB OPPORTUNITY!
Writing!
>>
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Taking a seat next to her and breathing in the view of the grey-blue sea lapping at the island, you turn to face Mina and give the girl a reassuring smile. She looks like she could use one!

Matching your gesture with a smirk of her own variety, an idea is roused from your skull as you both trade stares!

Y’know, you begin as the idea forms in your head along with your words, if she and Darren need somewhere to figure things out once this all blows over you might have an idea of where they can go…

The heiress raises an intrigued eyebrow. “... go on.”

It’s SIMPLE! She wants a scenery change, Darren might want a break from athletics: why not work with you at PIZZA MIND? Nothing more honest than bakin’ pies for a living! Hell, if they impress Uncle Emilio enough there might even be franchising options! Not to mention she’d be around some friends-

Halfway through your surprisingly-enthusiastic sales pitch, it dawns on you that Mina’s laughing. Not giggling, not chuckling, not even chortling, but full-on LAUGHING!

It’s refreshing to see, sorta… but also a little scary. You weren’t sure she could laugh… hey, WAIT A SEC!

S-sorry…” She wheezes as she struggles to regain control of herself and only manages to avoid falling off the desk, “I… I just…

It’s no JOKE, you growl! She and Darren would be MUCH better coworkers than Rodney would! Well… actually you’re pretty sure you’ve reached an understanding, but he’s still gonna be a jerk, and…

STOP LAUGHING!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5786529
Still struggling to contain herself, Mina ends up flopping against your side as her laughter gradually fades!

“You…” She stammers, still struggling to catch her breath as she continues to lean on you for support, “You’re… I’m… I’m sorry, Diesel…” Taking one more steadying breath for good measure, the heiress regains her composure and smiles. “You always know how to take me off-guard... That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever offered me… and I accept!”

Yea, well, you grunt, still stung by her raucous laughing fit, it ain’t gonna be easy… and definitely not a JOKE! It’s hard work, damn it!

“My favorite kind!” Smirks the Club Prez! “I have no complaints with the food, either… perhaps your offer is the change of pace we’d need…”

Like I said, you repeat, it’s honest work… just watch out for the PIZZA PIRATES! If you had a nickel for every time someone tried to steal your bag…

“I’d like to believe Darren and I are equipped to deal with them…” Nods Mina with a smile in her voice. “Hm… I’ll have to see the uniforms as well…”

Yea, well, you mutter, they’re pretty lenient…

Resting her cheek against your shoulder with a pleased sigh, Mina looks at you from out of the corner of her eye. “I’m glad to have met you, Diesel. However this situation plays out, I want you to know that you’ve established yourself as one of my dearest friends…”

Her eye glimmers with a hint of mischief. “... and maybe more than that if you weren’t already… preoccupied.”

Well uh, y’see-er, ACTUALLY-

“Much can change with the right amount of time, Diesel…” Purrs Mina as she gives your shoulder a gentle rub, “... and if it ever does, well… I wouldn’t mind becoming closer than coworkers.”

Well at least she seems to be in much higher spirits… and you’d be lying if a part of you didn’t want to console her in a more-than-friendly manner… but…

Anything else with Mina?
>SHE’S A GOOD FRIEND TOO… AND YOU’LL BE THERE AFTER THIS ALL BLOWS OVER.
>...WANNA HEAD DOWN TO THE CELLAR REAL QUICK?
>DOES SHE AND DARREN NEED ANYTHING ELSE?
>WHAT DOES SHE THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN TO HAUSER?
>LEAVE WHILE SHE’S STILL IN A GOOD MOOD–WOULDN’T WANT TO SPOIL IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5786236
>I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE, MINA.
>>
>>5786534
>LEAVE WHILE SHE’S STILL IN A GOOD MOOD–WOULDN’T WANT TO SPOIL IT!
>>
>>5786608
>>5786615
>I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE, MINA
>LEAVE WHILE SHE'S STILL IN A GOOD MOOD
Writing!
>>
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But the moment’s too good to spoil. You’ve thawed out the Ice Queen when she needed it the most. Even with all the evidence pointing to otherwise, you’ve got a feeling it’ll take a while before she’ll be free to spend moments like this with you again…

Spotting a few dots appearing on the horizon, you both realize that your time on the island is running short. Giving Mina’s pale shoulder a reassuring pat, you gently rise from your seat and try your best to cheer her up with a smile.

It’s okay, you add as you trace her gaze to the horizon, she’s not gonna be alone through all this!

“You’re right…” The Class Prez nods, though her eyes don’t seem 100% convinced, “Don’t worry about me, Diesel–go enjoy yourself while you still can. I insist.”

Goodbye, Mina, you mutter in a somber, but heartfelt tone, you’ll be looking out for that job app…

“I’ll be sure to put together a compelling resume and list of references by then!” She chirps with an uncharacteristically-warm smile on her face!

It looks good on her.

Leaving the heiress to her document collecting, you exit the way you came and find yourself standing in the SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY like a lost child at a supermarket. No one seems to be accosting you… for the time-being… but those dots on the horizon tell you there’s not much time left until the FERRY arrives–along with whoever Hank managed to contact with the radio.

Your instincts say it’s the cops, but who knows? You’d rather it wasn’t, to be honest.

Your keen IRISH-ITALIAN senses tell you you might have an hour or so left… to do what, well… that’s the trick, isn’t it?

What do?
>TRACK DOWN RAJ AGAIN!
>FIND PEPPER! MAYBE SHE’S DONE WITH JAKE?
>SEE IF RODNEY’S ALIVE!
>M-MAYBE VIVIAN’S STILL DOWN FOR THAT S-SAUNA?
>CHECK IN ON DARREN–SEE IF HE’S ALRIGHT!
>LIBBY AND CHUCK–WHERE THEY AT?
>SEE IF SOMEONE ELSE IS AROUND (WHO?)
>JUST GRAB ANOTHER DRINK AND CHILL WHILE YOU CAN! (PROGRESS!)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5786704
>LIBBY AND CHUCK–WHERE THEY AT?
The old man pulled our ass out of the fire once when he first found us. I don’t remember if we ever thanked him.
>>
>>5786704
>>LIBBY AND CHUCK–WHERE THEY AT?
>>
>>5786704
>JUST GRAB ANOTHER DRINK AND CHILL WHILE YOU CAN! (PROGRESS!)
We can give Chuck a manly nod goodbye as we drink.
>>
>>5786930
>>5786948
>LIBBY AND CHUCK!

>>5786956
>DRAAAANK!

Writing! Just a heads up: gonna progress some shit soon! HOLD ON TA' SOMETHIIIIING
>>
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You’re just about to begin your next exciting adventure: SLOSHED QUEST, when you remember there’s one person you didn’t really check in on… not because you aren’t grateful for what they did for you, of course, but because you knew he had other priorities… namely catching up with his daughter.

You’re also pretty sure that were you to delay that reunion with the ole’ ‘Three Choices and a Write-In’schtick, he probably would have punched you.

With the party sure to be shut down soon, however, you waste no time in heading downstairs to find your favorite groundskeeper and his gloomy offspring!

It takes some doing with how huge the crowd is outside… and how eager everyone is to party with you… but once you get into Chuck’s mindset the solution is simple!

Rounding the corner to the GARDEN in the BACKYARD, you find the father and daughter sharing a laugh… and a glare once they sense your approach!

“Look who’s back…” Observes Libby with a wry grin in her tone. “Welcome to the life of the party, delivery boy.”

“There’s a celebration going on in your name… and you’re spending it over here?” Asks Chuck in bemused disbelief, “... you’re crazier than I thought, kid.”

“Dumber, too.” Adds Libby.

“Definitely.”

Har har, you groan as you pick a spot on the wall next to them to lean against, everyone’s becoming a comedian all of a sudden!

“How’d you track us down, anyways?” Asks the groundskeeper as his daughter takes a sip from the cup in her pale hand.

You respond with a shrug. You just knew if there was a party going on, he’d try to get away from it.

That earns a laugh from the old man!

“HAH! Trust me, kid–if that damn Ferry wasn’t our only way out of here right now I’d have high-tailed it back to my CABIN the minute I parked the cart…”

“Still not a bad idea…” Scoffs Libby as her expression sours with disgust, “If I’m gonna get questioned by cops I don’t wanna do it buzzed...”

You respond by taking a long, hard stare at the goth’s cup. She rolls her eyes.

“This pisswater isn’t gonna do anything… hell, I feel hydrated right now.” Her eyes narrow even more as she takes another swig. “What are you, my dad or something?”

No, you snicker, and thank god for that…

“She’s earned a drink or two.” Chuck grunts as he tousles Libby’s brightly-dyed hair. “I’ll ground her later.”

“Yea, yea…” the goth groans as she takes another sip. “Seriously though… Why are you still here, pizza guy? Go be not-boring somewhere else.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5787034
You just wanted to thank her old man, you retort as you valiantly stand your ground! If it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t be standing here right now!

“‘S true…” Nods Chuck as he takes a sip from a cup he was hiding at his side, “Yer’ wildman ass woulda’ been stuffed and mounted on my wall.”

At least it’d add some character to the place, you counter! But seriously though-

“Don’t mention it, kid…” Interrupts the groundskeeper as he dismisses your words with a disinterested wave, “You’re the one that beat the smug outta’ that goggle-wearin’ freak. Enjoy the glory while ya’ can… trust me.”

“Dad told me she’s not dead…” Adds Libby as seriousness spreads across her face and her voice. “Well… maybe.”

Yea, you mutter, not entirely keen on contemplating it either, last you saw of her Rivka was sinking into some PORTAL GOO...

Interrupting the conversation with an angry sigh, Chuck gives his daughter’s forehead a gentle flick!

“Cripes, Lib–would it kill ya’ to shed a few sunbeams once in a while? This guy saved our asses… he doesn’t need that shit ruining his buzz.”

“I’m just saying…” The girl groans, “That you might wanna sleep with one eye open from now on, is all.”

“And he will,” Replies Chuck with growing irritation in his voice, “LATER.” Looking you up and down appraisingly, a faint smile forms on Chuck’s stony face. “... Diesel ain’t the kind of guy to give up that easily. He’s ready for anything, kiddo.”

Damn right, you smile, that blue-haired bitch won’t know what hit her! Eventually!

“Well whatever kind of hair-brained idiotic plan you cook up, leave her outta’ it.” Adds Chuck as he tips his cup in Libby’s direction. “Already dodged one bullet now that you an’ that other redhead are making googly eyes at each other…”

Libby’s face contorts into exaggerated disgust! “EEEUCH! Yea, don’t worry, dad–I barely even know this guy…” Seeing something change in your face, the girl relents a bit. “... though that’s… pretty cool of you to be there for Pepper n’ all… barely even recognized her when she charged onto the mountaintop like some kind of Civil War General…”

Libby smiles at you with approval in her eyes.

“She’s really changed around you, pizza guy. Don’t fuck it up.”

Language.” Grunts Chuck earning another eyeroll from his daughter. “Lib’s right, though. Little freak’s crazy about ya’.”

Alright, you groan, you didn’t come here for dating advice! Both Fontaines exchange a confused glance before turning it in your direction.

“... Then why did you?”

You already said it, you reply through gritted teeth! You wanted to thank… ah, forget it…

>CONTD.
>>
>>5787035
“That’s the spirit.” Nods Chuck as he takes a hearty swig from his cup. “More ya’ dwell on this crazy shit the more it hurts.”

Letting out an exultant sigh, Chuck raises a bushy eyebrow your way. “What ya’ got planned after this little vacation anyways, kid? You ever consider a career in PROPERTY MAINTENANCE?”

Pfft, you reply, not after what happened last night, no!

Chuck shrugs. “Suit yourself… however this whole Hauser thing hashes out I’ll be needing some extra hands cleaning this place up for buyers or whoever’s comin’ next… lord knows this punk ain’t gonna help me…” He adds as he jabs a thumb in his daughter’s direction.

“Jeez, dad, I need a real job… not, like, ‘cleaning leaves’ or whatever…” She sighs with another eyeroll! “Something easy that pays well that I can half-ass while listening to my magic podcasts…”

“So… nothing.” Grunts Chuck with a smile in his voice! “Kids these days… maybe you oughta’ work at this guy’s pizza place–it’d teach ya’ to be a little more humble, that’s for damn sure…”

As Libby rewards her pops with a punch to the shoulder, you decide to…
>ASK LIBBY ABOUT MAGIC!
>TALK TO CHUCK ABOUT HIS NEXT STEPS!
>WHAT’S THE PLAN IF RIVKA COMES BACK, ANYWAYS?
>BADGER CHUCK ABOUT MANLY ADVICE! (SUCH AS?)
>INQUIRE ABOUT THAT JOB OFFER!
>JUST SAY THANKS AGAIN AND LEAVE! LET THESE TWO CATCH UP!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5787036
>ASK LIBBY ABOUT MAGIC!
might be handy in case, you know...
>WHAT’S THE PLAN IF RIVKA COMES BACK, ANYWAYS?
>ALSO, WHAT DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT MERMAIDS?
>>
>>5787041
Sure, this.
>>
>>5787041
>>5787045
>ASK ABOUT MAGIC!
>WHAT'S THE RIVKA PLAN?
>MERMAIDS???? HUuuUUUUH?
Writing! Probably gonna be the last update of the night, too! YOW!
>>
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Speaking of teaching, you segue as you silently curse your lack of a beverage, Libby set a bunch of dudes on fire up on the mountain!

“Yep!” The young mage replies as she puffs out her chest with pride, “I sure did! Took a whole bunch of concentration and two years of binging ‘THAT’S THE SPIRIT’, but it worked, huh? I’m still working out the kinks in my evocation methods, though–people say it’s really helpful to have a wand to concentrate the magical energy through, especially if you’re a beginner, but depending on natural talent some people just skip straight to the-”

Libby’s eyes nearly pop out of her skull when she realizes she’s rambling… and that you’re staring. And so is Chuck.

“Er, I mean…” she stammers as she runs a sassy hand through her hair, “... I dabble, yea… Whatcha wanna know? Just don’t expect much… some people got it, some just don’t. Can’t help ya’ there…”

Well for starters, you begin, how… how does it work? Like, shit–magic’s REAL?

“Uh, Earth to Diesel: magic’s BEEN real. Read a book!” Libby scoffs as if you’d just asked her what color blueberries are! “The general concept is this: wherever you go you’re gonna have energy, right? But there’s also this… this other energy. And it comes from MAGICAL SOURCES!

You respond with a few listless blinks. Alright…

“So some places have more magic than others…” Libby continues as enthusiasm slowly creeps back into her voice, “But once you get REALLY good at it you can take it with you wherever, y’know? So if you get REALLY powerful it’s no big deal! But when you store it, um… inside you, it takes some of your LIFE ENERGY too… and that’s what makes people tired. And why it’s hard to use magic, sometimes.”

So-

“Anyways,” The goth interrupts, “There were these groups early on that practiced and studied magic, but they got all jealous of other independent, like, sorcerers and things? So they made these groups to contain it… but they all have these weird rules and things for joining. Nowadays people go solo to, like, practice without accidentally joining a weird cult and stuff, but a lot of people end up teleporting themselves into space or summoning a Lesser Demon in their backyard…”

“And this is the shit she practices in MY house…” Groans Chuck as he takes another swig from his drink! “Thought it was some weird teen shit like that ‘K-POPs’ or whatever you call it… but now I know…”

Libby responds with a withering glare. “... he’s just annoyed because I summoned a FROG MAN once. ON ACCIDENT!

“Neighbors wouldn’t stop complainin’ about the smell coming from the garbage cans…” Growls Chuck, “Pain in the ass…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5787196
“So… yea!” Libby concludes with a clap of her hands, “Any questions?”

Yyyyea, you stammer, lots... No offense, you add, but that was… a pretty lame explanation.

“Y-yea, well…” Hisses the goth through angry clenched teeth, “I’ll r-remember that when you need my help later on!”

Now it’s your turn to frown. You managed pretty well without her, though–sounds like she needed the help!

TCH!” Snarls Libby, “... I-impudence…”

Well it doesn’t matter, you continue in a placating tone–you ask because you’ll need all the help you can get if Rivka ever comes back…

“Hmph! And you want my skills on your side, do you?” Asks Libby with a smug grin that’d give Pepper a run for her money, “I’ll consider it… maybe.”

“Don’t bother. I’ll put a bullet through her dome for free.” Grunts Chuck. “None of those shitty tranquilizer darts, that’s for sure…”

Hey, you counter, those darts probably saved your bacon back there–if she was operating at full-power, you… it would have been a LOT trickier to get the upper hand, that’s for sure!

“Yep,” Nods the groundskeeper with a hollow look in his eyes, “I’ve seen what pure maple syrup does to a Canadian... S’like a damn horror flick…”

Anyways, you sigh, does… can Chuck, like, keep you in the loop if he hears anything about Rivka? Surely he has some company buddies, or… when words fail you, aimless gesticulation with your hands succeeds!

“Yep, I got some pals.” The old man shrugs. “Hauser folk, war buddies… I’ll keep ya’ in the loop.” His bushy eyebrows lower a bit. “... but it’d be easier to stay in touch if ya’ helped me clean up the island…”

You’ll think about it, you reply with a pained shrug, but you’re also pretty sure your Uncle Emilio will kill you if you try to leave the pizza life… like actually kill you!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5787198
“I can help too!” Libby sputters, clearly tired of no longer being the focus of the conversation! “I’ll look into ways to track and locate people magically… I’m pretty sure there was an episode of ‘THAT’S THE SPIRIT’ about that…”

Having already demonstrated the limits of her magical knowledge, you’re almost reluctant to ask Libby something else, but since you’ve got her here, well… there is another thing you wanted to know, you begin, what’s she know about MERMAIDS?

“A BUNCH, actually!” The goth replies with a fresh smile and glimmers in her red contact lenses! “There was a podcast episode about ‘em… the girl who runs the show says she’s actually TANGLED with some before! Not bad, huh?”

Sure, you scoff, and what else has this mystery podcaster encountered, huh? Demons? Leprechauns? GIANT CARTOON CATS WITH MALLETS?

“Apparently,” Libby begins, deftly ignoring your sarcasm, “Mermaids all come from a QUEEN of sorts–and this queen tells them what to do with her mind!” The goth’s enthusiasm dips a little bit. “Buuut usually their mom just wants food. A lot of it. So mermaids go and gather it up for her… and if they don’t, well…”

Well?

“They become her DINNER!” Libby concludes like she was finishing up a ghost story at Summer Camp! “Supposedly they have, like, communities and stuff all over the world, too–I mean underwater cities!”

They sound simply fantastic, you respond in a dry tone, but the one you found in Rivka’s lab was pretty na-

“You SAW one!?” Sputters Libby in disbelief! “H-here!? On the ISLAND?!

“Now you’ve done it…” Groans Chuck as he downs the rest of his cup.

“Dad, I changed my mind: I’ll stay here for the rest of Summer if you need me!” Chirps Libby with determination in her eyes! “I’m gonna track one down and CATCH it! That’ll get me a guest spot on the podcast for sure!”

“Nice one, dingbat...” Growls Chuck as he sends a glare your way that could freeze lava, “Now I’m gonna have to keep TWO eyes on her at all times…”

“You know what, Diesel?” Adds Libby in a jolly tone, “You’re alright, you know that? I had my doubts, but… but you’re okay!”

Gee, thanks...

Welp, for better or worse you’ve managed to rile Libby up, but at least you can count on these two in case Rivka comes back… you think...

Anything else while you’ve got their attention?
>WHY DID YOU START DOING MAGIC?
>WHAT OTHER MONSTERS CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT?
>WHAT’S THIS PODCAST ANYWAYS? SEEMS GEEKY!
>TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS GIG, CHUCK!
>TAKE IT EASY, YOU TWO… AND THANKS AGAIN! (LEAVE)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5787199
>WHAT OTHER MONSTERS CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT?
>>
>>5787199
>WHAT’S THIS PODCAST ANYWAYS? SEEMS GEEKY!
Geeky but maybe useful...
>>
>>5787199
>WHAT’S THIS PODCAST ANYWAYS? SEEMS GEEKY!

For better or worse we're a part of a bigger scarier world now...
>>
>>5787272
>>5787632
>PODCAAAAST???

>>5787228
>MONSTERS???????

Writing!
>>
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So the whole MERMAID thing was a wash, but are there any other monsters Libby CAN tell you about? Maybe some knowledge that goes beyond surface level?

The goth frowns. “Why should I try if you’re just gonna be a little whiner about it, huh?”

Because you need to know if you should be investing in stakes, silver, and holy water, you retort! C’mon, there’s gotta be something, right?

“Hmm…” Ponders Libby as she takes another sip from her cup, “Well I DID just listen to a podcast on DOPPELGANGERS...”

Sounds great, you groan impatiently, and what exactly can she tell you about those, huh?

WELL,” The girl chirps with renewed excitement in her eyes, “Believe it or not, they’re actually FAE in origin-”

“Who the hell is Fay?” Grunts Chuck with the faintest hint of interest.

“They’re, like… FAERIES and stuff, DAD! GOSH…” Libby sighs as if not knowing about dumb-ole’ faeries was some kind of crime, “And the FAE come from a dimension of forests and magic and all sorts of cool stuff–and DOPPELGANGERS are kinda like… like some of the woodland creatures that make their home there! Kind of like how we have squirrels, raccoons-”

“Don’t forget that bear we saw one time, Lib.”

“Yea, we-”

“Don’t forget about it.” Repeats Chuck with pride in his voice. “Amazing creature.”

“UGH, let me TAALLLK!” The girl groans with impatience rivaling yours!
>CONTD.
>>
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>>5787993
“So anyways,” Libby continues with growing irritation in her voice, “They’re omnivorous, mostly, but when it’s time to hunt for new prey, well…” The goth giggles in anticipation, “THAT’S when stuff gets interesting!”

Let me guess, you sigh, already regretting asking her, they turn into their prey, right?

“HAH! Good guess… but a WRONG one!” Scoffs Libby as she triumphantly puffs her chest out! “ACTUALLY, they’ll stalk their prey for weeks on end… some even months! Doppelgangers are known to be really smart, apparently, but also perfectionists… so they won’t adopt a new form until they’re ready… or they’re in danger!”

This is all very terrifying, you interrupt, but is there any way to, like, expose them? Just in case, of course.

“Well like a lot of FAE they don’t like COLD IRON…” Muses the girl as she leans back in her seat and kicks her legs back and forth, “The purer the better! If they’re exposed to it long enough they can develop allergy symptoms and stuff like that.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Didn’t ask, DAD!” Snarls your teacher before settling back down! “There have also been accounts of pets and animals being able to sniff Doppelgangers out… dogs are good, but cats are even better at detecting them. Couldn’t tell you why.”

You frown. Why not?

“... I mean I don’t know why and literally can’t tell you.” Replies Libby with a mixture of confusion and annoyance in her red eyes. “Jeez, dude…”

Sorry, you stammer as you rub the sleep from your eyes, it’s… it’s been a night.

“Yea, no duh...” Scoffs the girl earning another flick to the head from her pops! “OW!”

“Be nice to the kid, Lib–he fought a CANADIAN...”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5787997
She keeps mentioning this podcast, you segue, making a mental note to buy up as much PURE IRON as your delivery boy paycheck allows when you return to the mainland, what is it, exactly? And how is not, like, shut down yet? Seems wacky!

Libby’s eyes light up once again. Ohhhh boy…

“Oh man… where do I start?? So it’s called ‘THAT’S THE SPIRIT’, right? And it’s hosted by this SUPER-COOL girl named SYBIL... I think she lives here in California, but I’m not really sure where…”

That’s fine, you smirk, you’d be a little worried if she knew a podcaster’s home address off the top of her head…

“Har har. Funny. Well anyways, she’s this REALLY COOL AND POWERFUL MAGE, okay? Spends, like, all of her time studying stuff and sharing it with people like me!” Gushes the goth with pride! “And she’s SOOOO nice, too! Like there was this one time where I emailed her this rune I was working on perfecting, right? And she, like, IMMEDIATELY responded, told me exactly what to do to make it work, and then she said the lines I drew were… get this: FANTASTIC! C-can you BELIEVE IT!? I COULDN’T!

Before you can react, Libby pulls out a phone with a PINK UNICORN CASE and starts tapping away at the screen!

Shut up…” She mutters as she catches you looking at the decorations. “A-anyways, I’m not getting good reception right now, but just search this one up if you wanna see what I’m talking about.”

Following the girl’s finger, both you and Chuck examine the picture of a tall, thin, and very pale girl posing next to what appears to be some kind of OWLBEAR!

Huh.

“Do kids just not go into the sun anymore?” Asks Chuck with a derisive snort.

WHATEVER! She’s a visionary, okay? And one day I’m gonna meet Sybil and we’re gonna become BEST. FRIENDS.

The excitement in her eyes slowly drains as Libby remembers something.

“... though last time I checked she mentioned going on a hiatus… something about a road trip? Sucks…”

She didn’t get, like, SWATTED, right? You get a kick in the shins for your suggestion! OW!

“Don’t even JOKE about that!” Libby growls as she puts her phone away! “She’s… she’s got a lot of enemies, okay? But she can handle ‘em! Sybil’s TOUGH!

“What’s a SWATTING?

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5788002
Okay, you begin, so the first few episodes are a little rough, but you should definitely check out seven-

“Because it establishes the basics on werebeasts, yes.” Nods Libby.

“Can’t skip the whole series on spirits either.” Chuck adds, earning an approving smile from his daughter.

“Aw, dad, you WERE listening, huh?”

“Yep.” The groundskeeper replies, “And apparently we gotta’ listen to the Halloween specials too.”

PRIME material, yes.” Concludes the goth, “Can’t miss it. VERY important.”

Right, you continue, but you’re still a little confused on why you should skip episodes twenty-eight to-

Before you can finish, your ears are rattled by a symphony of FOG HORNS approaching from the direction of the DOCKS! Shit, you snap, you barely got to drink!

As the sounds of revelry near the front of the mansion are quickly replaced by panic and bottles and cans being chucked into trash bins, the crackly sound of a voice rings out from the approaching vessels!

THIS IS THE UNITED STATES COAST GUARD WORKING WITH THE ORANGE CLIFFS POLICE DEPARTMENT. REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE IN A CALM AND ORDERLY FASHION–OFFICERS WILL ARRIVE ON-SITE SHORTLY.

A few cheers ring out from the partiers in front of the house, but you just stand and watch. As happy as you are to see things coming to a close, you still feel a lump forming in your chest…

“You good, kid?” Asks Chuck as he rises from his seat and stares holes into you with his grey-blue eyes.

Y-yea, you nod, you’re just… anxious around the police, is all.

“Just answer their questions–don’t add nothin’.” The old man instructs with practiced calmness in his voice, “You didn’t do anything wrong, kid.”

Right, you nod… you’re fine…

What do?
>STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
>FIND SOMEONE WHILE YOU CAN! (WHO?)
>HEAD TO THE BATHROOM… YOU DON’T WANNA BE PICKED UP FIRST…
>GO TO THE DOCKS… BETTER GET THIS OVER WITH!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5788004
>GO TO THE DOCKS… BETTER GET THIS OVER WITH!
Hopefully you get questioned by a police chick
>>
>>5788004
>FIND SOMEONE WHILE YOU CAN! (PEPPER)
She has the evidence.
>>
>>5788019
This.
>>
We never did tell Pepper about that fight we mentioned in the bathroom in thread one. I remember this because we now have a new little hint at Diesel’s backstory.
>>
>>5788019
>>5788079
>PEPPERONI, PLEASE

>>5788017
>GET THIS OVER WITH!

Writing!

>>5788099
Don't worry, my dear--you'll get time to share
>>
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Even with Chuck’s reassurance, you still feel uneasy watching the coast guard vessels docking below… doubly so when you remember who has most of tonight’s evidence! Waving a hasty goodbye to Libby and her dad, you race out of the garden in search of your one-armed associate!

Finding Pepper, however, proves to be harder than tracking down some hay in a needle stack–try as you might to pick her out among the crowd, your task is made even harder when several SQUAD CARS, SWAT VANS, and AMBULANCES rush up the hill to the mansion!

Skidding to a halt along the path leading to the DOCKS, the police waste no time in shepherding the flock downwards while the tactical teams move in to secure the building! Though you try to fight the ‘current’, the mass of bodies carries you towards the docks like a human river!

“That’s right–keep on moving!” Barks an officer as you continue downwards!

“Have your identification ready!” Shouts another!

Amidst all the chaos, you feel something soft bump into your side–something wearing your jacket and giving you a mischievous grin!

“Not exactly the red carpet I was hoping for,” Jokes Pepper as she huddles close to you to avoid being swept away, “But I’ll take it!”

Oh thank god... look, you begin, do you have the-

“Yep!” The girl chirps as she taps the CAMERA in her borrowed jacket’s pocket, “Ready to rock… and don’t worry, sandcrab–I’ll be sure to lay off Mina-”

That’s great, you stammer, barely able to hear yourself over the crowd, but you need to tell her something just in ca-

Your warning is cut short when a rather portly party guest tumbles into you–no doubt due to the devil’s drink based on how he smells... By the time you and a few officers lift him off of you, though, Pepper’s nowhere to be seen!

Your manic trek downwards culminates in a series of lines curated by several armed police officers! Try as you might to find Pepper, however, your search fails to bear fruit…

“Pizza Boy!” Barks an officer as they see you gawking, “Line 3. Let’s go.”

You’re ushered over before you can argue, but it’s fine… what are the chances she’ll run into him anyways?

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5788237
The line moves quickly, thankfully. Still, by the time you’re taken into the bowels of the COAST GUARD SHIP, you can still feel your heart trying to pound its way out of your chest!

“Wait here, kid.”

Stopping you in front of one of countless rooms below deck, the police officer escorting you waits quietly until the door is opened from within the room!

“Have a good one!”

The familiar, cheerful voice freezes your blood dead in its tracks long before you lock eyes with its owner: a portly, jolly-looking man with a buzz-cut, a brush-style mustache, and a tan dress shirt covered in coffee stains.

“HoLY SHIT!” The detective remarks with pleasant disbelief, “Hey Cain, guess who your next speed date is!”

Your brain wants to get out and run, but your body’s not so lucky–freezing in place, you’re powerless to resist as the familiar man wraps an arm around your shoulders and ushers you into the room!

“How ya’ been, squirt? Stayin’ outta’ trouble?”

You know his name, of course: DETECTIVE MACK ENSELMANN–but it’s not him you’re mortified by…

It’s the man with black hair, green eyes, and a dour expression sitting across the austere metal table that does it.

“Small-fuckin’ world, huh, Ca-”

“Shut the hell up, Mack.” Snaps the detective as he shifts his dead-fish gaze in your direction. “Should have known you’d be a part of this mess…” Clicking his pen, the detective gestures to the folding chair across from him.

“Sit.”

Silently obliging, you take a seat and instantly wince at the stiff metal seat. You get the feeling it’s intentional. Glancing in the detective’s direction, you can’t tell if he wants you to start talking or if he’s just eyeballing you, so you decide to take the initiative if only to get this over with as soon as possible.

You haven’t used the word in a while, but you somehow manage to get it out of your lips and across the table.

Dad...

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5788239
The detective stares at you with hawk’s eyes.

“Not when I’m on the clock, I’m not, boy.” He snaps as he steeples his fingers. “You will refer to me as DETECTIVE MCKAY.”

You don’t respond. You know better than to go back and forth with him. Jotting something down in his notebook, the detective raises an eyebrow at you expectantly.

“So,” he begins in a stern, unimpressed tone, “You’re a hero again.”

He’s fishing again. You don’t bite.

“Every single person I’ve interviewed. Every god damn one,” he continues, “Can’t stop talking about how DIESEL CRASH saved the day… how he stepped up and beat the bad guy when no one else did.”

Leaning across the table with his eyes locked with yours, the detective’s scrutinizing stare doesn’t falter in the least.

“Exactly what part of ‘don’t make waves’ did you not understand?”

You didn’t have a choice, you counter as you struggle to keep your temper in check, you-

“Save it–I heard everything already from your little gal pal.” Scoffs the detective as he taps a finger on his notebook. “Had to listen to her SNOOPS MCCALLISTER parlor scene bullshit for ten minutes straight… and guess who her little Junior Detective was?”

“You oughta’ see the file on her too!” Laughs Mack as he leans on the wall next to you! “Red’s got a rap sheet bigger than me! You know how to pick ‘em, kid!”

If they know everything already, you retort, then what’s the point of this crap anyways, huh? You know it’s not to ‘catch up’...

Detective McKay leans back in his chair. “You’re right–it ain’t. It’s a warning.”

Placing his pen back into his jacket pocket, the cop stares daggers at you. “You’re already on thin-fucking-ice, boy. Your mother and I hoped her greaseball brother would keep you in line, but apparently he isn’t working you hard enough.”

Don’t talk shit about Uncle Emi-

“I’ll keep it simple: You will not pull any more stunts that lead back to me.” The black-haired man interrupts. “And you’re gonna stay far away from this Hornsby bitch. Pump and dump ‘er, break it off, fake your goddamn death, I don’t give a shit–she’s a bad-fucking-influence and she’s gonna land you both in deep shit.”

“Juvenile Hall, bud.” Adds Mack with a smirk!

You’re eighteen now, you hiss through clenched teeth.

“Happy-fucking-birthday.” Snarls Detective McKay with a hint of surprise in his tone, “Even better, then: keep getting into trouble with her and you’ll be sending love letters to each other across the prison yard.”

Crossing his arms across his chest, the detective narrows his eyes at you again.

“Lay. The fuck. LOW. Do I make myself clear?”

What say you?
>YES. DON’T POKE THE BEAR.
>NO. HE DOESN’T CONTROL YOU.
>STAY SILENT. ASSHOLE.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5788240
>STAY SILENT. ASSHOLE.
>>
>>5788240
>YES. DON’T POKE THE BEAR.
Just lie to him. Man, our dad is a dickwad.
>>
>>5788314
Switch my vote if the tie goes on for too long.
>>
>>5788240
>STAY SILENT. ASSHOLE.
>>
>>5788240
>>STAY SILENT. ASSHOLE.
>>
>>5788247
>>5788339
>>5788355
>STAY SILENT!

>>5788314
>YES! (LIE : 3)
Writing!
>>
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You’ve just spent a whole night fighting monsters, dodging death traps, and dealing with the most obnoxious scientist ever. You can handle your shithead dad.

Even with his gaze burning into you, you manage to hold firm–he doesn’t control shit, you think to yourself, least of all YOU.

So you stay quiet. And remain quiet. You have the right to do so, after all, not that you need to tell your dad that.

Like you, however, Detective McKay has little tolerance for bullshit. Leaning back in his chair, the stern-faced investigator nods to his portly partner.

“Mack.”

With practiced efficiency, Detective Enselmann takes a RADIO out from his pocket and brings it close to his swollen face.

“Enselmann here. Yep… yea, you mind grabbing that Hornsby girl? Right, the redhead.”

You hold firm, but just barely. You can’t show weakness…

“Yep, we’re having trouble verifying some of her info… I know… yea, we’ll come grab her from ya in a bit… just pop her in a cell for now. Right. Thanks, bud.”

Stowing his radio back into his pocket, Mack gives you an exaggerated shrug. “Sorry, slugger. Gotta do what ya’ gotta do…”

Your father clears his throat before leaning back over to you. “I’m getting the feeling you’re not paying attention to me, so let me be clear: most of your pals are going home right now. They’ll get on a FERRY, take a nap, listen to some music, and by the afternoon they’ll be back at home and that’ll be the end of it.”

McKay’s eyes narrow to match your own. “Meanwhile, forensics investigators, detectives, coast guard, and a few more lucky winners will stay here for the rest of the day. Some even for the rest of the weekend.”

You know what he’s getting at, but you don’t interrupt him.

“If it’s deemed necessary, a select few partygoers will be staying here with the investigation team: Suspicious individuals, people with health risks…”

You son of a bitch…

“Guess who has the power to make that happen?” Your father asks, neither taunting you nor asking, really. “It’s really anyone’s guess as to how long it’ll be before they go home… what’s your wager, Mack?”

“Pfft, I’d say we’re gonna be out here for a week at least!” Laughs your father’s partner! “Lots of T’s to cross an’ I’s to dot, kiddo.”

“So I’ll ask again:” Your father repeats in a frigid tone matched only by his cold, hard stare, “DO. I. MAKE. MY. SELF…. CLEAR?”

>YES (TRUTH)
>YES (LYING)
>NO.
>SILENCE.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5788439
>YES (LYING)
It’s either this or we try to bust Pepper out of a jail cell surrounded by armed officers and then immediately make ourselves wanted. So just lie to him.
>>
>>5788439
>No. Go fuck yourself.
An indefinite stay on a private island with free room and board? Don't mind if I do.
>>
>>5788473
Supporting. Pepper cares more about truth than comfort, anyway.

>>5788439
>>
>>5788481
Speaking of truth, I wonder if he was involved with Hauser in some way. I'd 100% believe it if Hauser had people on the inside in the police force to keep them off of his back with DC McKay and his clear power being a good candidate for that sort of thing, and Pepper's snooping is now a threat if she starts following certain paper trails. Of course, we don't have any evidence for this either and it could just be paranoia, but I do wonder.
>>
>>5788439
>>5788473 You know what? Fine. Fuck it. Switching to this from >>5788468
>>
>>5788473
>>5788481
>>5788512
>NO. GO FUCK YOURSELF.
Wow, okay! Writing! Probably the last update of the night...
>>
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You know the answer he’s looking for here–the magic word that’ll make your dad feel mighty and powerful… but you also know what Pepper would want you to do here–and probably what she’d tell the detective to shove up his ass to boot.

Leaning closer to your dad, you meet his icy gaze with one of your own–one that refuses to bow to his bullshit, however justified it is in his fucked-up head.

No, you snarl, go fuck yourself, ‘Pops’.

You brace yourself for a strike that never comes. Instead, your father leans back with a long, disappointed sigh.

“A leopard can’t change his spots, can he?”

“Guess not!” Chuckles Mack from your side! “Some kid you got, Cain!”

Your dad shrugs dismissively. “No kid of mine… I didn’t teach him any of this ‘Frontier Justice’ shit… but I can teach him something…”

Nodding to his partner, your dad continues to give you a withering glare as Mack raps the door with his knuckles! On the third knock a pair of officers enter.

“Detectives?” Asks the first one.

“Kid’s clear.” Grunts your dad as he dismissively waves you away, “Get him on the FERRY--he’s got pizzas to deliver.”

Wait, you snarl, but you-

“And keep a close eye on him for me, yea?” Asks Detective McKay as his brow furrows, “He’s shook up from the whole thing–make sure he gets back to the mainland safe and sound.”

“Good to see ya again, squirt!” Smiles Mack as the officers help you to your feet!

You don’t struggle on the way up, but as you’re ushered towards the door your dad’s voice piques your interest one last time.

“Doesn’t matter if you’re a hero or not, kid,” he grunts as he jots a few final notes in his notebook, “Actions have consequences.”

Any last words or actions for your pa?
>NAH. HE’S NOT GETTING ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF YOU.
>YOU’RE DEAD TO ME, ASSHOLE.
>I’LL REMEMBER THIS. COUNT ON IT.
>LUNGE AT HIM.
>I SAVED THIS WHOLE DAMN ISLAND. YOU’RE WELCOME.
>SPIT!
>WAIT–I’LL STAY AWAY FROM HER, ALRIGHT?! JUST STOP.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5788534
>SPIT!
>>WALK AWAY, DON'T LOOK BACK
>>
>>5788534
>NAH. HE’S NOT GETTING ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF YOU.
Might be able to sneak off the ferry. It’s either that or we lunge at them, which’ll hopefully force them to toss us in a cell near Pepper.
>>
>>5788534
>LUNGE AT HIM.
I'LL SHOW YOU CONSEQUENCES ALL RIGHT!
>>
>>5788534
>YOU’RE DEAD TO ME, ASSHOLE.
>>
>>5788534
>SPIT!
>WALK AWAY, DON'T LOOK BACK

>>5788553
They're not putting Pep in a cell for long. They're trapping her on the island. :( Alone, now.
>>
>>5788534
>NAH. HE’S NOT GETTING ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF YOU.

>>5788617
Knowing Pepper she's already angling to fish information out of the cops. Snoops gotta snoop.
>>
>>5788648
You know, nix my vote. Something's eating me worse than a mermaid's teeth.

> HEY DAD...WHY ARE YOU A COP? WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE A HERO AND I'M NOT?
>>
>>5788534
>HEY DAD...WHY ARE YOU A COP? WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE A HERO AND I'M NOT?
>>
>>5788534
Switching my vote to support >>5788672
>>
>>5788534
Switching from >>5788553 to >>5788672
>>
>>5788672
>>5788808
>>5788821
>>5789208
>DAD, WHY ARE YOU A COP? WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE A HERO AND I'M NOT?

>>5788556
>LUNGE AT A POLICE OFFICER

>>5788609
>YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, FREDO

>>5788648
>NAH

Looks like the big question wins it! Apologies in advance--got like no sleep last night so the following posts might be CRUNCHY
>>
>>5789364
Hey, don't forget me! >>5788648
I mean, yo can, it won't change the result.
>>
>>5789389
Sorry, anon, got mixed up in the post... I've got some EMERGENCY COFFEE here with me, but it's just barely kicking in...
>>
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Alright, you reply as you’re led through the threshold, but one more question, dad...

He doesn’t look up from his notes, but he does stop scribbling.

Seeing your chance, you finish your thought articulately as you can… why is he a cop, exactly? Why is he allowed to be a hero and you aren’t, huh?

Placing his pen back in his jacket pocket with a drawn-out sigh, your father stares down the two guards not sure if they should be escorting you out or not.

“Go outside and powder your noses.”

Departing with confused looks on their faces, the officer’s departure earns a boisterous laugh out of your dad’s partner!

“Mack,” he adds in the same calm voice, “You too.”

“You… you sure, Ca-”

Now.”

Begrudgingly making his way out, the portly detective gives you one last glance before shutting the door behind him, leaving you alone with your loving father.

“I’m a cop because it’s my job, Diesel.” He begins as if explaining it to a toddler. “I have trained for this job. I have sacrificed for this job. I have bled for this job.” Pushing his notebook aside, the detective’s gaze lies solely on you.

“Unlike you, I stay in my lane. I do what’s expected of me and at the end of the day I go home to your mother alive and well because I don’t hold grudges. I don’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, and when I DO overstep my bounds, I step right back the fuck in before anyone notices.”

Your job, boy, is to deliver pizza… and stay out of trouble. I couldn’t give less of a shit about the former, but the latter I have my concerns about.”

Does he think you asked to fight for your life all night? It’s not like you get off on this shit-

“I never told you you couldn’t be a hero, Diesel.” He interjects as he raises a gloved hand motioning for you to be quiet, “I told you to stop looking for giants to topple–to stop making goddamn waves.”

Done, you growl–you’ll cancel the fucking ticker-tape parade, okay? Now can he quit being a dick and let Pepper go already?

The detective shakes his head. “You know what the problem is with heroes, Diesel? They never last that long.” He raises an eyebrow as he thumbs to a page of his notebook. “Not without someone watching their back, anyways.”

Yea, yea, you sigh, he’s made it very clear how many favors he’s had to call ever since you saved that girl a few years ago–it’s his favorite goddamn subject!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5789440
“Then let’s not beat around that bush.” Suggests your father as he drums his gloved fingers on the desk. “Let’s beat this one: your heroic little piece of tail told me about your… ‘Miner’ inconveniences below the island…” Leaning forward and steepling his hands, the detective raises his eyebrow at you once again. “Tell me, boy, how far do you think that girl’s ‘heroism’ would have carried her if you didn’t show up, hm?”

That’s right, you counter, you saved her! Just like you saved everyone el-

“Get it through your thick skull, you dough-slinging GOON,” Snarls your father as anger builds in his stony gaze, “I’m trying to HELP you!”

Well shit you scoff, guess that makes it all better then, doesn’t it?

“You just… you just don’t get it, do you?” He asks as he runs a hand through his oily, unkempt hair. “You think that it ends just because you win a fight… THE END, ROLL CREDITS.”

Yea, you nod with a mocking expression, that does seem to solve the problem, doesn’t it?

“You’re right. Case closed, dipshit.” Your father sighs angrily, “Let’s chalk up the stats, then: we’ve got one perpetrator splattered at the base of a mountain, and another that… and you’ll have to clear this one up for me: ‘TELEPORTED AWAY?’”

Glancing between you and his notebook, your father gives you a sarcastic golf clap. “Bravo. You oughta’ teach that shit at the academy.”

You respond to his praise with a laugh of your own. This… this is all just sour grapes for him, isn’t it? He’s just utterly incapable of accepting the fact that his son stopped an honest-to-god MAD SCIENTIST... and he didn’t even need his shitty dad’s help doing it! Wow!

The detective just dismissively shakes his head. “And it just had to be you, didn’t it? Not the war veteran groundskeeper… or the fucking UBERMENSCHEN Hauser kids… no, it had to be your ass in the fire, didn’t it?”

You shrug. Anyone else would’ve messed it up!

For a moment you can almost see a smile forming on your dad’s face. A bitter one, but a smile nonetheless. “You… you really believe your own bullshit, don’t you? You wanna ride this hero crap all the way to an early grave.”

Damn right, you nod, you owe that to the people that nearly bit the big one tonight… and the ones that put it all on the line in the first place.

Yep, it’s a bitter smile. “Alright, Diesel… you wanna be a hero?”

More than anything, you snarl through gritted teeth. A rueful laugh escapes your father’s lips.

“Fine. You win.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5789443
Filling the room with a shrill whistle, Mack opens the door and peeks in as if he hasn’t spent the whole time eavesdropping. “Yea, Cain?”

“Release the redhead. Make sure her ass gets on that ferry and stays there.” Your father instructs in his cold, composed voice. “Tell her it was a system glitch.”

“Wha? I uh… I mean, sure, bud…” Slipping back out the door, Mack leaves you staring at a very smug-looking dad. You’re not gonna thank him.

“It’s not a gift.” He scoffs as he leans back in his chair. “It’s a goodbye. You wanna chuck everyone you love and care about into an early grave and flop in next to them? You wanna follow some suicidal snoop into the hornet’s nest? Your wish is my command, boy. Abra Ka-Fucking Sesame.”

Gee, thanks, you snarl, because he’s been so damn helpful for the last few years-

“No more protection,” he begins, counting everything off on his gloved fingers, “No more pulling favors. No more ‘Get-Outta-Jail-Free Cards’. No more cushy arrangements with your guido uncle. No more allowance. No more assault charges against powerful people getting swept under the rug. Wave bye-bye, kid, because as of right now it’s all. Gone.”

Awesome, you reply with a derisive snort, a lot of good it was doing you anyways!

“Enjoy the hero life while it lasts, Diesel…” Concludes your dad as if he was reading you your last rites, “Because it’s usually a short one. And when it does end,” He adds as you hear the door creak open behind you, “Don’t expect me to be around to say ‘I told you so’.”

“C’mon, kid,” Grunts one of the officers behind you, “Don’t wanna miss your ride.”

Rising to your feet, you already feel lighter… and a bit more hollow, to boot. Crossing his arms and watching you like a hawk, your father doesn’t say anything else as Mack gives your shoulder an affirming pat.

“Seeya in the funny papers, squirt.”

Any last words to dear old dad?
>THANKS.
>FUCK YOU, OLD MAN.
>TELL MOM I SAY HI.
>YOU’RE WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.
>JUST STAY SILENT.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5789444
>TELL MOM I SAY HI.
>>
>>5789444
>>TELL MOM I SAY HI.
>>
>>5789444
>TELL MOM I SAY HI.
>>
>>5789447
>>5789449
>>5789459
>TELL MOM I SAY HI.
Writing!
>>
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You couldn’t give two shits about your dad… not even one shit, really, but as you prepare to walk out on him for what you hope is the last time in your short life, you pause mid-departure to deliver one last request:

Tell mom I say hi, you say as you struggle to keep your anger from seeping into your voice.

“She’ll see you at the funeral.” He replies, his solemn tone failing to betray whose funeral he’s referring to. “Now get the fuck outta’ my crime scene.”

A cordial goodbye as far as they go. Letting the two officers escorting you take the lead, you leave your father in the metal tomb he set up shop in as another party guest is led in by another pair of cops.

The journey through the coast guard cutter’s innards is cold enough to chill you to the bone–quiet, too. You’re halfway up a metal stairwell when one of your chaperones, a broad-shouldered man with a short head of immaculately-kept blonde hair, dares to break the silence.

“For what it’s worth, kid, you’re a goddamn superhero in our book.”

Yea, you blink in a listless tone, well thanks, man, it’s working out swell so far…

The cop pauses mid-stride, blocking your path as he turns to face you with a determined sigh.

“See this?” he asks as he gives his badge a pointed tap, the surname ‘MARSH’ emblazoned in gold and metal on the front, “Word is you went toe-to-toe with some kind of dog monsters… and when everyone was resting up, you charged off into the storm to save your friend. Takes balls.”

Oh yea, you ask with an ember of interest in your tone, and who told him that, exactly?

“My daughter TERRA,” he replies with a wry grin forming on his face. “Quiet, wears glasses, wants to be a vet? She was adamant that had you and the others not intervened, she and Ayla would be dog chow…”

Well, you shrug as the proud father holds out his hand for a shake, he saw what that move got you.

This time it’s his partner’s turn to scoff–a squat, hard-faced man with a perpetual scowl on his round face. “McKay’s a good cop, kid, but he’s a fucking prick. No offense.”

None taken, you snort. Giving Terra’s dad’s hand a hearty shake, you feel the burden your dad left you to carry lighten a bit. You’re, uh… you’re glad she’s okay.

“Me too.” Smiles Officer Marsh, “Anyways, that’s it… let’s, uh… let’s get you home, yea?”

Yea, you sigh, sounds good…

>CONTD.
>>
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Emerging from the bowels of the ship like a very confused groundhog, you shield your eyes on impulse as the sun’s rays shine down upon your skin and warm it to the touch! As you bask in the gentle island heat, a ship’s horn blares across the docks signaling the Ferry’s imminent departure!

“Shit, we gotta’ hustle…” Mutters Officer Marsh as he leads you across the drydock! “Just stay close, kid, they ain’t gonna hassle ya…”

The docks are all but cleared of partygoers now, though emergency workers continue to flit to and fro like worker ants. Making your way to the ship, you’re intercepted by a familiar skater idling next to the water’s edge like a lost dog!

“Ahoy, bro! Ready to, like, shove off, and stuff?”

Yea, you stammer, still not fully-recovered from your last conversation, but what the hell is he still doing here anyways?

Raj stares at you as if you’d just turned into a rabbit. “... I was waiting for you, dude… don’t want my bro to get stuck here!”

You don’t deserve this man, but you sure do appreciate him! Giving the skater an appreciative ‘thanks, dude,’ you let him join you on the trek to the ferry’s gangplank!

WAIIIT!

You oblige the familiar voice, of course–you couldn’t leave its owner behind even if you tried. Smiling as a familiar redhead rushes over panting like she’d ran a mile, you greet Pepper with open arms as she full-on TACKLES you!

“Ho… holy crap...” She wheezes as she looks up at your face with red cheeks and sweat in her hair, “I… these dumbasses nearly dragged me back to their stupid boat, sandcrab! Kept spouting some bullcrap about my ID not going through?”

Shooting an interrogative glance at your police escorts, the girl leans in close to your ear…

They were totally gonna ‘disappear’ me, weren’t they? I ain’t dumb, chief!

It’s fine now, you reply, let’s just… let’s just go home, alright?

“Yep…” The girl sighs as she lifts her arm stub up and down a few times, “And then to the hospital... yaaaay.”

FINAL BOARDING CALL, KIDS!” Shouts the ship’s mate standing at the gangplank, “Unless you wanna swim home!”

Exchanging a glance, you and your pals make your way up to the ship… and by extension home.

Turning to get a load of the island one last time, you spot a familiar old man tipping his hat at you amidst the emergency workers… no rest for the groundskeeper, you suppose. Returning his farewell with one of your own, you give Hauser Island one last look as the ferry’s engine roars to life!

As the ship lurches beneath your feet, you flip the bird at the island retreat and grin–nice try, bitch… but not today!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5789656
Departing for the mainland, your memory of the voyage home became… hazy. Whether it was due to fatigue creeping up on you after the night’s events, your eventful conversation with your father, the relief at escaping the island alive with your new friends, seasickness, or just a blend of all of the above, you can only recall a few events thereafter… some occurring on the ferry, others long after.

Dubbed by the press ‘THE HAUSER ISLE HORROR,’ the events that transpired that fateful night will stay with you for the rest of your life… but as you’ve found out, you needn’t face them alone… not anymore.

For better or worse, your quest is over… well, close to it, at least. A few rogue strings need rethreading… but as for which ones require special attention, well… that depends on you!

https://youtu.be/qQzdAsjWGPg

What event would you like to visit FIRST? Some events may include MULTIPLE CHARACTERS! OoOoOoHH!
>YOU’VE JUST MET RAJ OUTSIDE THE ORANGE CLIFFS MALL…
>MINA TEXTED YOU OUT OF THE BLUE… SEEMS LIKE SHE WANTS TO MEET UP…
>PEPPER WANTED TO TOUCH BASE WITH YOU ON THE FERRY IN PRIVATE…
>YOU’RE WAITING OUTSIDE A MODEST APARTMENT ON A CHILLY NIGHT… THE NAME ‘HORNSBY’ STARING AT YOU FROM THE MAILBOX NAMEPLATES!
>YOU’RE WAITING OUTSIDE A SEAFOOD PLACE CALLED ‘PIER-PRESSURE’... YOU WERE PROMISED A HOMECOOKED MEAL, BUT…
>YOU’RE STANDING OUTSIDE A LEGAL OFFICE WITH CHUCK–THE OLD COOT MENTIONED NEEDING ‘BACKUP’...
>YOU’RE IN THE BACK KITCHEN OF ‘PIZZA MIND’... AND IT’S JUST ABOUT CLOSING TIME!
>A LAYER OF COLD SWEAT CHILLS YOU AS YOU PERFORM CRUNCHES IN A FAMILIAR DOJO…
>YOU AWAKEN IN AN UNFAMILIAR BED–THE AIR THICK WITH HUMIDITY AND UNFAMILIAR ANIMAL CALLS…
>WRITE-IN!

This'll also be the last update of the night, folks--might have more for ya TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST, but depending on what epilogue crap we choose I might just hold off until the weekend... we'll see!

In any case, thanks for sticking with it for so long (even when it got dull and stupid)! Slice is by no means as long as Bones Quest was, but it's been a swell ride! I appreciate you all: lurkers, players, long-time veterans... you make it all worth while! Thanks for all the surprises, the laughs, and the fun!
>>
>>5789660
>>YOU’RE WAITING OUTSIDE A MODEST APARTMENT ON A CHILLY NIGHT… THE NAME ‘HORNSBY’ STARING AT YOU FROM THE MAILBOX NAMEPLATES!
>>
>>5789660
>YOU’RE WAITING OUTSIDE A MODEST APARTMENT ON A CHILLY NIGHT… THE NAME ‘HORNSBY’ STARING AT YOU FROM THE MAILBOX NAMEPLATES!
>>
>>5789660
It's been a blast, QM. I really hope you run another quest after this one, and I'll be keeping an eye out for it!
>>
>>5789660
>YOU’RE WAITING OUTSIDE A MODEST APARTMENT ON A CHILLY NIGHT… THE NAME ‘HORNSBY’ STARING AT YOU FROM THE MAILBOX NAMEPLATES!
>>
>>5789660
>YOU’RE IN THE BACK KITCHEN OF ‘PIZZA MIND’... AND IT’S JUST ABOUT CLOSING TIME!
fuck, we lost the pizza pack we were specifically told to bring back
>>
>>5789708
Ah, shit, you're right.
>>
>>5789660
>YOU’RE STANDING OUTSIDE A LEGAL OFFICE WITH CHUCK–THE OLD COOT MENTIONED NEEDING ‘BACKUP’...

I'm glad to still have our pizza job but part of me is a little sad not to see...

> IN THE STRANGEST INTERVIEW OF YOUR LIFE FOR THE POSITION OF JANITOR AT A DOG BONE FACTORY...

But maybe it's too soon for the BONES CINEMATIC UNIVERSE.
>>
>>5789660
Switching from >>5789705 to
>PEPPER WANTED TO TOUCH BASE WITH YOU ON THE FERRY IN PRIVATE…
Might as well let her know what happened immediately after and get our backstory.
>>
>>5789672
>>5789686
>OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT!

>>5789708
>CLOSING TIME!

>>5789737
>LEGAL OFFICE... BUT ALSO MAYBE NEW JANITOR JOB MY DUDE

>>5789827
>FERRY IMPORTANT CONVO

Looks like the APARTMENT wins it! Writing! And don't worry--we can get to the other shit afterwards... it's all tying loose ends from here... and a few other shenanigans.

>>5789690
Probably gonna be a while before I start another, but I appreciate it, anon! I've had a great time playing with you all and it definitely scratched that writing itch I've been missing since Bones finished!
>>
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https://youtu.be/SyqNtJSQvZo

A gust of chilly air stings your cheeks as you pull your bomber jacket tighter before examining the apartment callbox closer. The name hardly leaves any room for misinterpretation, but you’ve always been a stickler for showing up a few minutes early–a habit you picked up from your delivery gig.

Checking your phone one more time, you know at this point it’s just numbers greeting you on the screen–if Pepper’s ready, she’s ready! If not, well… you probably won’t have to wait long.

Pressing the scratched-up button next to her surname, you shift your weight from foot to foot as a muffled dial tone reverberates around the apartment entrance! You probably get about two full rings before a familiar, crackly voice answers… but not the one you expected!

Hello?

You almost want to stay silent, but it’s too late to back down now… hey, Jake, you reply, you’re uh… y-

Diesel!” Remarks Jake’s disembodied voice enthusiastically, “You’re here early! Hold on, I’ll show you in...

The call ends before you can respond. Seconds later, however, a sharp buzz rings out from the gate leading to the building lobby! Yanking the door open, you gently close the gate behind you and take position next to a long-dried up fountain next to a bank of mailboxes along the wall!

You probably wait for a minute or so before you hear footsteps from further in the building. Sure enough, a familiar head of red hair peeks around the corner attached to a slightly less uptight-looking brother!

“You made it.” Jake observes with a friendly smile on his face, “Was the drive okay?”

Yea, you shrug, you’re used to speeding through much worse–you found parking right away, too.

“Right, pizza delivery…” He nods as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his SOUTH OAKS BOXING GYM HOODIE! “Well don’t worry–I’m just the doorman tonight. Pepper’s just finishing up.”

Beckoning you to follow, Jake leads the way along a cement walkway through a somewhat unkempt garden in the center of the complex. “I know you don’t need it, but a word of advice: she’s been stressing about this all week, so…” The brother punctuates his sentence with a vague hand gesture. “Go easy on her, Crash.”

Wouldn’t have it any other way, you counter! You’ve been anxious too, truth be told.

“HAH! Could’ve fooled me!” Replies Jake with a good-natured laugh. “You’ll do fine, don’t worry.”

It still unnerves you to see Jake this… friendly, but the guy did seem intent on changing. Following his lead up a stairwell, you decide to…

>ASK WHAT HE’S BEEN UP TO!
>INQUIRE ABOUT HIS FUTURE PLANS!
>FISH FOR MORE PEPPER ADVICE!
>JUST STAY QUIET. YOU’RE HERE TO TAKE HIS SISTER OUT–HE MUST BE MORTIFIED.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5790887
>>ASK WHAT HE’S BEEN UP TO!
>>INQUIRE ABOUT HIS FUTURE PLANS!
>>
>>5790918
>WHAT UP, BRO
>FUTURE??
Writing!
>>
>>5790918
Supporting!

>>5790998
Not that I need to.
>>
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Despite his brave front, Jake knows exactly why you’re here tonight… the guy could use a little kindness himself! So, you begin, stuffing your hands into your pockets as you step over a cracked stair, what’s he been up to?

“Aside from all the friendly chats with the police?” Scoffs Jake with a derisive laugh, “Well… I’ve been focusing more on boxing lately. Keeps me active and helps keep my mind off of… other things.”

Has he uh… has he been in contact with-

“Just Bill, mostly–you know, the Treasurer?” Asks Jake as you enter a long hall coated in a grimy, salmon-colored carpet. “I spoke to Mina, but…” His voice falters a bit as the name leaves his lips. “... well, we’ve both got bigger things to worry about now.”

Yea, you nod, you get that… so boxing, ey? You never got around to joining him at the gym…

“No need to apologize–you’ve had a full plate ever since we came back.” Replies Jake with a hint of sympathy in his tone. “Besides, you might have plenty of chances in the future…”

You blink. Meaning?

“Well one of the coaches is close to retiring,” Jake explains as you turn the corner into a new, mustier-smelling hall, “So mine floated the idea of me, well… coming aboard.”

Oh shit, you reply with a smile in your voice, congrats, man!

“Yes, well…” Sighs the redhead, “While I welcome the prospect of a new job like that, it might interfere with my college search…” Jake pauses for a moment to mull over his words. “And to be honest, I’m not quite sure I want to live in ORANGE CLIFFS anymore. It just feels… empty now.”

Well, you shrug, why not just give the gym thing a shot for now? He can always use the time to really think about his next step, right?

“I… hadn’t considered it that way, actually.” The redhead remarks as he turns your way and nods appreciatively! “When you put it like that it doesn’t sound so terrible…”

A lot can happen in a short time, you add, and who knows? Maybe he’ll meet some cool coworkers or something… at least he’ll get paid in the meantime.

“Well we could always use some extra money…” Jake shrugs as you stop in front of a weathered old wooden door with the number ‘88’ etched into a metal plaque next to it. “Ever since the incident mom’s been taking less graveyard shifts at the clinic… it’s been nice having her home, though, don’t get me wrong.”

Sticking a key into the door lock, Jake pauses as some muffled chatter creeps through the wood and into the hall!

“... get ready, Diesel,” Jake jokes as he turns to look at you with weary eyes, “It’s been nothing but chaos for the past few hours…”

Bracing yourself for whatever awaits beyond the door, you give your date’s brother a nod–let’s do it, then!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5791079
As the door swings open, your nostrils are immediately met by the smell of some home cooking! Not to be outdone, however, your ears-

IS HE HERE?!! ALREADY!?!?” Sputters a familiar girl’s voice with the manic energy of a victim in a slasher movie, “MOOOOOOM, I NEED YOUR EYESHADOW!

“Top drawer, honey.”

As you step into the cluttered, but comfy apartment living room, you almost immediately run into the tired voice’s owner–a thin, red-haired woman with tired eyes and her hair tied up in a loose ponytail greets you with a warm smile with a ladle in hand!

Pepper,” Chirps the woman as Jake helpfully takes the ladle from her outstretched hand and rushes to the kitchen, “There’s a very dashing young man waiting for you to say hi~”

Your date responds by knocking something over in what you assume is the bathroom down the hall. Something big.

AAAUGH! ST-STALL HIM!” She shrieks as you hear her frantically pick up whatever she spilled!

“That’s my daughter…” The woman groans with a wry grin and a shrug! “You must be Diesel… I’m Dawn.”

Nice to meet you, Dawn, you reply as you give Dawn’s pale hand a polite shake! You have a nice apartment…

“Pfft, it could be nicer though, couldn’t it?” She replies with a wink! “Take a seat, please… I’m sure she’ll finish trashing the bathroom in a few minutes.”

The frantic crashing down the hall doesn’t give you much confidence, but you relent and take a seat in one of the brown leather recliners in the living room.

“Would you like a drink?” Pepper’s mother asks as you watch her join Jake in the kitchen nook, “We’ve got soda, tea, apple juice, iced coffee-”

Dawn pauses as Jake subtly shakes his head at her.

“... Nix the last one–SOMEone’s laid claim to it all…” She adds as she casts a knowing glance down the hall. “And we’ve got water, of course.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5791085
Water’s fine, you reply with another ‘thank you’ at the end! Emerging from the kitchen with a glass of water and a few ice cubes, Dawn hands the drink over to you and takes a seat in the chair facing you!

“So you’re the one I have to thank for breaking the curse on my daughter, hm?” She asks with a hint of playfulness in her tone, “I wasn’t sure there were any miracle workers left in ORANGE CLIFFS--we could certainly use you at the clinic I work at…”

Glancing down at her nurse scrubs, Dawn gives you a sheepish smile. “I apologize in advance for my loopiness–I’ve got a shift to get to in a few hours, so I’m still waking up.”

No problem at all, you smile, you totally get it!

“A fellow Night Owl, hm?” The woman chirps as Jake continues to fool around with a pot on the stove, “Well don’t keep her out too late tonight–poor girl’s going to fuss herself into a coma at this rate-”

MOOoOoOOOOoM!” Snarls your date from down the hall!

“Let’s talk quieter, hm?” Dawn adds with a wink.

Looks like Pepper’s still getting ready… and her mom seems to want to visit. Looks like your first test has begun!

What say you?
>ASK ABOUT DAWN’S JOB!
>TALK ABOUT DAWN’S KIDS!
>INQUIRE ABOUT PEPPER AND JAKE’S DAD!
>JUST LET DAWN LEAD THE CONVERSATION!
>TRACK DOWN PEPPER! TIME’S A WASTIN'!
>CHECK WHAT JAKE’S MAKING! SMELLS GOOD!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5791087
>CHECK WHAT JAKE’S MAKING! SMELLS GOOD!
Gotta'.
>TALK ABOUT DAWN’S KIDS!
Talk 'em both up. Pepper's less cursed than blessed, terrible dice rolls aside and Jake's... He's cool, too.
>>
>>5791087
>>CHECK WHAT JAKE’S MAKING! SMELLS GOOD!
>>TALK ABOUT DAWN’S KIDS!
>>
>>5791135
>>5791156
>CHECK WHAT JAKE'S MAKING!
>DAWN'S KIDDOS!
Writing the last update of the night! WATCH OUT!
>>
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As polite as you wanna be to your date’s mother, your Italian heritage causes… no, compels you to half-rise from your chair to get a glimpse of what Jake’s cooking! What if he’s doing something WRONG!?

Smells good, you begin, easily securing your ‘in’! What’s cookin’?

“Nothing special,” Shrugs Jake as he continues to stir the mystery mixture in the pot, “Just some BEEF STROGANOFF... I assumed you two were going out, but if you’d like some-”

No worries, you reply, you were just checking!

“Jake’s the only reason we’re still alive around here,” Remarks Dawn as she watches her son cook with pride in her weary gaze. “If I’m not running out the door I’m kicking my shoes off and passing out…” As if on cue, Jake and Pepper’s mother barely manages to cover her mouth before a yawn escapes! “For the best, really… Jake’s always been a better cook…”

No kidding, you remark as you watch him work with growing interest! Say, if he ever wants a few pointers-

“I’ll take all the help I can get,” Jake interrupts with a grin, “But something tells me that’ll take a lot more than one session, won’t it?”

Nothing worth doing is ever mastered quickly, you muse, but it’ll be worth it in the end!

“Well I’ll be happy to try whatever you two prepare…” Dawn mumbles. “I take it your family takes dinner seriously, hm, Diesel?”

Yea, you nod with a hint of whimsy in your voice, you pretty much grew up in the kitchen! Baptized in cooking wine, pasta sauce, and olive oil!

“Well that’s good to know.” Remarks Jake’s mother as she rests her cheek on her palm, “Pepper and Jake didn’t…” Her smile falters a bit. “... well, they didn’t spend much time in the kitchen growing up.”

Shaking off the encroaching awkwardness, Dawn glances your way with a renewed smile! “Anyways, Pepper and I can’t cook to save our lives–it’s a good thing Jake was here tonight or you might’ve witnessed a real horror show…”

Well, you shrug, Pepper makes up for it in other ways!

“Oh?” Asks Dawn with a raised eyebrow, “Like what?”

Crap, you stammer, y-you… you didn’t mean-

DATE RUINED. GAME OVER.
>>
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>>5791277
“Just a joke, honey,” Laughs Dawn, “But please elaborate.”

Ohthankgod. W-well, you begin in a much more cautious tone, you… you think she’s got a damn good moral compass… and her enthusiasm is infectious!

“When it’s pointed in the right direction, sure.” The mother jokes.

Yea, you nod, but even when everyone was against her and things got dangerous, Pepper met it all head-on. Even losing an arm didn’t slow that girl down! And, you add with growing confidence, if it wasn’t for Pepper, you… you wouldn’t be here right now. And even if you did make it out of there, you continue, you’d probably be behind bars… or worse.

Feeling both Jake and Dawn gazing upon you, you try your best to finish up strong! So uh, you conclude, she’s… she’s a really special girl. Not just to you, but… she’s just really special.

“Hm.” Dawn sighs as she digests your words, “To be honest, Diesel, I had almost accepted that my girl had burned her last bridge long ago… but seeing her like this, well…” The mother’s smile contorts a bit with emotion. “You’re right… she’s infectious…”

“It’s a surprise, yea,” Jake adds as he brings his mom a box of tissues to dab her eye with, “But a welcome one. I know you’ve got more important things on your mind tonight, Diesel, bu-”

It’s fine, Jake, you gently interject with a smile, he turned out to be pretty cool too. And though you wouldn’t wanna go through it again, you’re pretty glad with how things turned out.

“Likewise.” Smiles Jake, though it still seems a little forced, “It’s… it’s going to take some adjusting, but… well, you get the idea.”

Yea, you nod, you think you do.

Just when you’re about to have a decent moment, you spot a flash of red out of the corner of your eye near the hallway…

Would it kill her to not eavesdrop for once?

“Try living with her…” Groans Dawn as she snaps her finger a few times. “Come on out before I bore your date to death, honey.”

You hear Pepper take a steadying breath before dramatically emerging from the shadows like some kind of red-haired vampire wearing a cute red dress with a loose denim jacket on top! Upon laying eyes on you, the girl immediately turns beet red and shifts her gaze to her low-heeled shoes!

“It’s not FAIR,” she pouts with a hint of a smile in her voice, “How the heck do you always manage to look so… so COOL all the time, sandcrab?”

It’s a gift, you reply with a smirk! But she, well…

Sensing an opportunity, your date regains her SMUG AURA and does a twirl for you!

“So,” she purrs after a few more spins, “What’cha think, hm?”

>... EEH. IT’S ALRIGHT!
>YOU LOOK GREAT, PEP!
>JAKE AND HER MOM ARE WATCHING–REALLY EMBARRASS HER!
>JUST STAY SILENT. LET HER SIMMER A BIT!
>EXPECTED MORE, HONESTLY.
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, by the way! Seeya WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST!
>>
>>5791282
>... EEH. IT’S ALRIGHT!
>LET HER SIMMER
>THEN DROP THE EMBARRASSINGLY CORNY COMPLIMENTS
That's how you do it.
>>
>>5791282
>5791298 +1
but cheesy compliment instead
>>
>>5791298
Cheesy compliments +2
>>
>>5791282
>>5791298
+1 but cheesy compliment
Sidenote: imagine how hard it was for Pepper to get ready with only one arm :c
>>
Stupid question time just for clarification: when you guys say cheesy are we talking, like, punny, goofy stuff, or do you mean like grand overtures of comparing her beauty to a summer flower or some crap Ala Pepe Le Pew? Just checking in!
>>
>>5791696
The latter I would say. Tell her she looks like she’s ready walk into a movie set.
>>
>>5791298
>>5791322
>>5791366
>>5791674
>EEEHHHH BUT THEN SIMMER BUT THEN CHEESY COMPLIMENTS
Alright you psychos, watch out

>>5791696
Thanks, anon! We'll see how it goes!
>>
>>5791932
Sorry, I accidentally replied to my own post like a dumbass. Here's a (you) for your troubles. Clearly I shouldn't be operating machinery, haha!
>>
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You answer the girl with a long, discerning stare coupled with a drawn-out sigh like you were judging a fashion show. It’s… ehh, you reply with an appropriate hand gesture.

“... Eeh?” Pepper responds as the air between you grows cold, “Just… eeh?”

Part of you still wants to commit to the gag, but the other part wants to leave the apartment alive, and if Pepper doesn’t tear you to shreds then Jake certainly will! Jury’s out on mom, but… but it’s not worth the risk!

Alright, you reply as you cross over to the redhead and take her into your embrace, you can’t joke about it anymore–she’s GORGEOUS! She shines like a moonbeam off a twilit pond! Her eyes are stars twinkling in the skies above… and her smile, oh, her SMILE!

“Wh-what about it..?” She stammers as her face reddens like a tomato and something drops from her hand to the floor! Is… is that a pair of SCISSORS?

It is the sun, you add as you dip her low to the ground and stare into her eyes! The pleasant light of all things greeting me at dawn and asking… no, COMPELLING me to rise at dawn! You are my sun, Pepper, my dear… do not deny me my sunshine!

With how much you’re committing to the praise, your ‘sun’ doesn’t seem to know whether to burst out laughing or to be touched… so she settles for both! Falling into a laughing fit, the girl leans in and nuzzles your chest, blushing from cheeks to chestline!

“This is payback for those cheese puns on the island, isn’t it?” She snickers as you un-dip her giggling form!

No clue what she’s talking about, you reply with a devious smirk!

“Well unfortunately for you, Diesel,” she adds in a playful tone, “I happen to LIKE being praised like that, so I guess we’ll chalk this victory up to me, hm?”

“Alright, alright,” Groans Dawn as she moves to help Jake in the kitchen, “Get outta’ here and go have fun or I’m never gonna be ready for work…”

Pecking Pepper’s forehead, you give her a warm smile of your own–she does look beautiful, though. Seriously.

“Save some for the date, sandcrab…” She purrs, clearly not minding the attention! “Oh… and you remember the RULE we agreed on, right?”

SHIT. Wh-what rule?! Your mind goes into freefall as you struggle to remember–she definitely mentioned something, but you were so busy once you got back from the island that you forgot all about it! She’s… she’s gonna SKIN you!

M-maybe you can play it off as a joke? Or actually guess? What was it… think!

>DIESEL PAYS FOR EVERYTHING!
>NO GETTING HANDSY!
>NO TALKING ABOUT WORK!
>ACT LIKE IT’S THE FIRST DATE!
>NO RAJ ALLOWED!
>WE’RE EATING SOMETHING OTHER THAN ITALIAN FOOD!
>JUST GO FOR IT! WHATEVER IT IS!
>PEPPER PAYS FOR EVERYTHING!
>UHHH… R-REMIND ME!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5792105
>WRITE-IN!
I’ve been speed rereading our recent interactions with Pepper and I can’t find her mentioning a rule anywhere in this thread, or the last one. So I guess honest is the best policy. Let’s just tell her our mind’s been scrambled lately and we may have forgotten.
>>
>>5792132
No quiz here, my man... she didn't mention it at all in any thread! Don't worry, though, 'forgetting' or choosing something else won't peeve her off! Much!
>>
>>5792105
>>5792132
+1
>>
>>5792132
>>5792172
>EER, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?
Writing!
>>
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Wracking your brain for any pertinent memory that could save you here, your mental odyssey concludes without bearing any fruit! Did she mention it on the phone? Probably… the FERRY? Nah, you don’t remember doing a lot of talking... crap, what was it?!

Sensing the impending aneurysm, your lovely and caring date swoops in to the rescue!

“... you forgot, didn’t you?”

No wait, she did the exact opposite of that. THE RED MENACE…

Look, you answer in an apologetic, but also resigned tone, it’s… things have been crazy lately, so it must’ve slipped your mind…

The girl’s expression as she opens her mouth tells you she’s probably gonna tease you, but something in your gaze gives her pause.

“... You’re right–sorry, sandcrab… didn’t mean to spring a pop-quiz on ya…” Regaining her confidence with a clearing of her throat, Pepper sends an encouraging smile your way as she plants her hand on her ample hip!

“The plan was to act like this is our FIRST DATE!” She explains with a roguish grin on her face!

It… it is, though, you frown. Unless she counts the FERRY, but-

AH-AH-AH! IX-NAY ON THE ERRY-FAY!” Pepper sputters, slapping her hand over your lips as her mother looks over from the kitchen! “A-anyways, we were gonna try it so that, y’know…” The redhead glances at her feet and starts drawing circles on the floor with her toe, “... we could make sure we were… authentic, remember?” Looking up at you with an encouraging smile, she cocks her head to the side. “That we didn’t just end up together because of the whole HAUSER thing…”

Right, now you remember, you reply with a nod, but… but do we really have to? Seems like a pain…

YOU’RE a pain!” Pepper pouts as she haughtily crosses her arm across her chest! “... I mean… we don’t have to, but-”

But she wants to be sure, right? Okay, you shrug, you’ll give it a shot!

“That’s the ticket, chief!” The girl chirps as she wraps you in a one-armed, but still warm embrace! “It’ll be worth it, honest!”

It already is, you counter, but whatever she says!

“Right,” Pepper announces as she gently tugs you towards the door, “We’re off, then! Got lots to do and plenty more to see!”

“What exactly are you planning on doing anyways?” Asks Dawn as she peers out from the kitchen nook.

“Well…” Pepper replies as she looks to you for aid…

>YOU’RE TREATING HER TO DINNER AT PIZZA MIND, ACTUALLY!
>YOU’RE GOING TO GET SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR DINNER (WHAT?)
>GONNA GO SEE A MOVIE!
>YOU’RE TAKING HER TO THE PIER–IT’S PRETTY FUN AT NIGHT!
>HEADING TO THE ARCADE… YOU’RE ITCHIN’ FOR SOME SKEEBALL!
>YOU’RE GONNA DRIVE AROUND… YOU’LL LET THE NIGHT DECIDE WHAT TO DO!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5792251
>YOU’RE TAKING HER TO THE PIER–IT’S PRETTY FUN AT NIGHT!
Kek. Time to conquer a fear and plan our campaign of vengeance against mermaid-kind!
>>
>>5792251
>YOU’RE TAKING HER TO THE PIER–IT’S PRETTY FUN AT NIGHT!
But of course. It worked for Stan, so it’ll work for Diesel.
>>
>>5792251
>>YOU’RE TAKING HER TO THE PIER–IT’S PRETTY FUN AT NIGHT!
>>
>>5792255
>>5792265
>>5792298
>PIER PRESSURE!
Writing the last update of the night, probably! Yow!
>>
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You were gonna head out to the ORANGE CLIFFS PIER, you reply, earning a flinch from both Jake and Dawn!

“That sounds…” Jake begins cautiously, “fun?

“Take it easy, you two,” Pepper replies in a placating tone as she leans against you and nuzzles your shoulder, “We don’t plan on swimming... and I’ve got my bodyguard on hand just in case!”

“Just… don’t overdo it, okay, sweetheart?” Asks Dawn with lingering trepidation in her voice. “There’s plenty of other places you can visi-”

“Mom, it’s fine!” Groans Pepper as she subtly nudges you towards the door! “It was my idea, so… so no problem! We’ll probably just get cotton candy and play Mini Golf or something…”

“Alright, alright, I’m backing off…” Dawn sighs with a placating gesture! “Don’t get into too much trouble out there, okay?”

Abandoning your side to give her mom and Jake a quick hug, Pepper smiles at her family members before practically kicking down the front door!

“ALRIGHT LET’S GO ALREADY C’MON!”

Leaving with a polite ‘Have a good one’, you scamper after your runaway date and catch her over by the stairwell like an escaped pomeranian!

“UuUUugh, sorry about that, sandcrab…” Groans Pepper as she leads the way down the stairs, “Nothing more spicy than meeting family, right?”

You respond with a good-natured shrug. Her mom seemed nice… and Jake didn’t threaten any bodily harm or anything, so…

“He better not have!” Snarls the redhead as she jabs an invisible opponent a few times! “I told him if he even tried to ruin anything tonight I’d gnaw on those ANIME GIRL FIGURES he has next to his computer! That got him to behave!”

Take it easy, partner, you reply as you gently place a hand on her denim-covered shoulder, she’s gonna need some of that energy for tonight!

“I know…” The redhead croons as you make your way across the courtyard, “I’ve been… is it bad that I’ve been really looking forward to this?”

Yea, you snort, it’s weird. She’s weird!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5792363
“Classic Diesel Humor aside,” The girl scoffs as she bumps you with her hip, “I’m really glad we can have a little… normalcy, y’know? Just the two of us.”

Your date blinks as a dark thought fills her head.

“It is the two of us, right? Raj isn’t out there, is he?”

If he was, you counter, would either of you be able to stop him? The girl mulls over your words for a moment before shrugging.

“Good point and well-made! So!” She adds as you exit the front of the building, “Where’s our ride, hmm?”

Right over there, you grin as the girl’s eyes follow your finger and light up with glee!

“Woah-woah-woah,” she stammers in disbelief, “D-Diesel, you-”

Ride, you interject as you lead the way over to your CHERRY RED MOTORCYCLE, Yep! Got tired of the crappy one Emilio let you borrow, so you upgraded...

“Holy cow,” Mutters Pepper as she runs her hand over the fine piece of chrome, “This… man, Diesel…”

How’s that for first date material, huh?

Taking a moment to inspect your ride closer, the girl raises an eyebrow your way with a bashful look on her face.

“We uh… we don’t have to do that ‘First Date’ song and dance if you don’t wanna… I’m just glad to be hanging out with you…”

It’s fine, you smile, now hop on–we can talk on the way!

Sliding into the seat, you wait until Pepper settles in behind you and wraps her arm around your waist before you start the engine! Alright, you announce as the bike purrs across the neighborhood, hold on tight, okay?

With a few revs of the throttle, the two of you speed off into the night and whatever excitement it promises!

>CONTD.
>>
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https://youtu.be/t_yBiiaCQDU

The brisk evening air scrapes past your cheeks and buffets your motorcycle as you continue down the road–the path empty save for the occasional parked car and a few puddles reflecting the hazy yellow light from the old-fashioned iron street lamps.

“Not a lot of people out tonight…” Muses Pepper as she rests her chin on your shoulder, “Lucky us, huh?”

It’s been pretty quiet ever since what happened on the island, you reply as you splash through a puddle! Not to mention it’s a school night…

“Right…” Nods your date as she grips you tighter, “The cops still think some of those things will find their way to the mainland?”

That’s how you interpreted it, you shrug! Seemed like they were all outta’ commission last time you saw them, though!

“Yea…” Nods the girl, “Hey… what say we talk about something else, huh?”

You respond with a laugh. Like what?

“I dunno!” Pepper stammers with a laugh of her own, “Something… datey!”

You’re gonna need more than that, you scoff! Anything specific?

“You’re not exactly talking to the DATE MASTER here…” Groans your date, “Just… ask me something! Anything!”

Yes, your highness...

What’s your FIRST DATE CONVERSATION TOPIC? You probably have time for one thing before you hit the BOARDWALK...
>WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
>YOU EVER DATE ANYONE ELSE?
>WHAT’S ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF I WOULDN’T THINK TO ASK?
>WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
>WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON THE ISLAND…
>ABOUT THE FERRY…
>WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’ ANYWAYS?
>I’LL THINK OF SOMETHING LATER… (JUST GET TO THE BOARDWALK!)
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5792369
We know her hobbies: snooping and drinking coffee. Though...
>DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER HOBBIES BESIDES SNOOPING AND COFFEE?
>WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
Gotta' plan where to go on subsequent dates.
>>
>>5792369
>WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
Let’s get to know more about Pep-Pep. She can’t be all snoops and smug. Even if she left a lot of that behind after her near-death experience, maybe Diesel can help her get back into it.
>>
>>5792369
>>DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER HOBBIES BESIDES SNOOPING AND COFFEE?
>>WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
>>
>>5792384
>>5792732
>HOBBIES
>FOOOOOOD

>>5792394
>HOBBIES

Writing! Gee whiz, we're already on page 8! AAAAAUGH
>>
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Okay, you begin as you ease up on the bike throttle a bit, what are her HOBBIES, anyways?

“Well-”

Besides SNOOPING, you pointedly interject! AND COFFEE!

“E-er, well…” Pepper stammers, the poor girl completely flatfooted, “Coffee isn’t a hobby, y’know…”

Then spill a couple, you counter! Dazzle me!

“Hmm…” Your date muses as she presses herself against your back in thought, “Well I… I really liked SWIMMING... before, well… you know..”

Don’t worry, you reply as you reach back and pat her, we’re gonna work through that crap some day… together!

“Pssh,” Pepper scoffs, “You just want an excuse to see me in a swimsuit…”

It’d definitely be a bonus, yea…

“Well we don’t have to swim for that to happen…” The girl purrs as she squeezes you tighter! “H-hey, we’re supposed to be FIRST DATING! Quit doing that to me!”

OW, you snarl as she headbutts your back, she’s the one that brought it up! Doesn’t she have any other hobbies?!

“Hmm… well I really do like writing stuff!” She chirps as you turn a corner! “Articles… stories… sometimes I play a little game where I take a person I know or saw that day and try to describe them as accurately as I can! It’s… fun, I guess?”

Oh yea? What’s her description of YOU then, huh? This oughta be good…

“Tall. Rugged. Messy black hair. Goatee… tough guy!” Pepper lists with a smile in her voice! “Erm… confident…. Reassuring… selfless-”

That’s not a physical description though.

“Shut UUUUP! I’ll add annoying in there too! TEASES TOO MUCH!

Now that’s way more accurate, you add with a nod of approval! So she likes stories…. Has she ever thought of, like, making movies or something?

“Well I definitely like watching them…” The redhead explains, “Scary ones especially! Big fan of the NIGHT TERRORS series!”

That’s the slasher flick, right? Kinda on-the-nose…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5793265
“Well it kept me alive, didn’t it?” She counters as you roll over some bumpy road! “I um… I did used to film some stuff with my toys and stuffed animals, though… probably why I got so attached to my CAMERA...”

No kidding, you remark in growing disbelief–like what… dramas or something?

“No… they were, like…” Pepper begins before pausing to find the right words, “Fake news shows? Sharky was the Sportscaster… Nelly was the Weather Girl…”

Holy shit, you mutter under your breath, she’s… she’s not kidding, is she? Does she still have the footage?

“Oh man, probably buried in the closet in a box full of harddrives…” The girl replies with a nostalgic laugh! “There were so many…”

Well shit, you grin, you know EXACTLY what you’re doing for the next date then–NEWS REPORT MARATHON!

“Already so sure of Date #2, ey?” Purrs your date with a coy smile in her tone! “Hope you’re ready, sandcrab–the reports definitely got darker when I hit my teens… they balanced out again later, but, y’know… watcher beware…”

You’re looking forward to it, you remark as you try to imagine TEEN ANGST PEPPER. As the image slowly forms in your head, you’re roused out of it when Pepper clears her throat!

“I also, uh… well my mom taught me some needlework when I was little…” She adds in a cautious tone, “And being alone in High School a lot I spent a lot of time, um…”

Doing what?

“Sewing… little dolls.” Pepper sighs as if giving in to torture! “I didn’t get an allowance, you know? So I’d sell ‘em on that CRAFTSY website…”

You nearly plow the bike into a FRUUUUIIT CAAA- erm, FRUIT CART! Is… is she SERIOUS!? Why didn’t she say so earlier?!

“I was worried you’d think I was a weirdo!” Sputters Pepper as she recovers from the near-miss you just pulled! “Like, ‘ooh, look at that girl! She stalks her classmates and makes little dolls that she does fake news stories with!’ Not exactly prime dating material…”

Bullshit, you counter, she’s… c-can… can you have a doll?

Your date responds with a smug laugh before pressing herself against your back again! “Well well… I suppose we’ll just have to see how the date goes, won’t we?”

Bring it on, you snarl! You’re ready!

“Points for enthusiasm!” The girl chirps! “Keep it up!”

Wait… isn’t it kinda rigged if she’s keeping score?

“I could answer that… but it’d affect your score!”

This girl…

>CONTD.
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>>5793267
Oh right, you continue, what’s her favorite food anyways? Your date stiffens at the question as if she was being held at gunpoint! “Erm… you… you promise not to be mad if I say something other than Ita-”

SURE, you reply through clenched teeth, y-you swear!

“... you can uncross your fingers, dude… I can see ‘em behind your back.”

Fine, you groan, just… What does she like?

THAI FOOD…” Your date responds before clinging to your waist in case you decide to chuck her off the bike! “I like Thai food…”

Huh, you remark, quietly thanking whatever god is watching that she didn’t say ‘French’, you thought she was all about sweets…

“Well yea, duh!” Pepper retorts with a scoff, “But I can’t eat those all the time! I don’t wanna get fat… especially when I’m trying to impress this one guy I know~”

Hmm… you don’t think Rodney’s the kind of guy to care about that. OW!

“You and your dumb JOKES!” Pouts your date as she headbutts your back again! “But yea, there’s this one really good Thai place just around the corner from school–I used to go there all the time before stakeouts…”

You haven’t tried much, you shrug, what’s uh… what’s good for a first-timer?

“Ohhh, ANYTHING!” Chirps the girl! “I recommend the Pad See Ew, but that’s just me… you’re cool with pork and stuff, right?”

You’re very cool with porking, but you’re driving right now-

“HA! MAN I missed you… not so much the humor…” Purrs Pepper as she gives you another squeeze! “Well next time we’re out and about I’ll treat ya’... I’m practically the owner’s adopted daughter at this point…”

And you’ll be on your best behavior, you conclude with a spirited nod!

“... uncross your fingers or I’ll bite ‘em off, sandcrab!”

Turning onto a coastal road, you feel Pepper tense up a bit at the smell of the salty air and the distant crashing of waves… this wasn’t a bad idea… was it?

“Hey.” She mutters as she pokes you with her nose, “Same questions, bub. Go.”

Huh?

“As far as I know your hobbies are beating people up and making pizzas!” Pepper continues in a measured voice! “And I wanna know what your favorite food is! So GO!”

Oh right, you should have expected she’d turn this crap on you! Eyes on the prize, Diesel: the DOLL she’s gonna make for you! Not to mention the other prizes she might be down for tonight…

HOBBIES (CHOOSE 1 OR MORE):
>COOKING
>MARTIAL ARTS
>VIDEO GAMES
>GARDENING
>POETRY
>RACING
>HIKING
>WRITE-IN!

FAVE FOOD:
>ITALIAN, DUH!
>FRENCH…
>AMERICAN CLASSIC CUISINE
>CHINESE
>INDIAN
>MEXICAN
>JAPANESE
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>5793268
Aw shit don't forget
>MEDITERRANEAN
and
>KOREAN
TOO! EXTRA OPTIONS, BABYYY
>>
>>5793268
Hobbies:
>MARTIAL ARTS
Pepper and Master Laika would get along fine… maybe.
>RACING
Diesel is speed. Running or by vehicle.
>ACTION MOVIES
Hero mentality.
>COOKING
Pizza is one slice of Diesel’s Italian recipe repertoire.

As for favorite foods:
>ITALIAN (DUH!)
Self explanatory along with
>AMERICAN CLASSIC CUISINE
Seems appropriate
>>
>>5793268
>>5793347
+1
>>
>>5793347
And since Pepper shared an embarrassing one with us, how about we throw in
>ACTION FIGURES
when we were a kid. But make it clear they’re DIFFERENT than dolls. They’re action figures.
>>
>>5793268
>MARTIAL ARTS
>ACTION MOVIES
>ESPECIALLY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION MOVIES

>ITALIAN, DUH!
>AND CHINESE
>>
>>5793347
>>5793349
>>5793384
MARTIAL ARTS!
RACING!
ACTION MOVIES!
COOKING!
AND ALSO ACTION FIGURES!

>FOODS:
ITALIAN!
AMERICAN CUISINE!

>>5793404
MARTIAL ARTS!
ACTION MOVIES (ESPECIALLY MARTIAL ARTS)

FOOD:
ITALIAN!
CHINESE!

I'll see if I can splice a few of these together! Writing!
>>
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Well it shouldn’t really surprise her that you’re into MARTIAL ARTS, you begin as Pepper leans in attentively! You’ve been training at this one dojo for a while now…

“I kinda figured, yea…” The girl nods as a chilling sea breeze washes over you both! “Was that before or after your uh…” Realizing her mistake mid-sentence, the girl stops right there. “... sorry, didn’t mean to bring up old wounds…”

No worries, you shrug, you’re taking her to a place situated next to the biggest puddle on Earth so… yea. And to answer her question, you continue in a stiff tone, it was after your little run-in that got you sent to your uncle’s…

“Well whoever’s been teaching you is A-OK in my book!” Chirps Pepper as she tries to steer the conversation away from the sensitive shit! Yea, you snort with a knowing smirk on your face, Pep would love your master…

“Do you think they’d allow a spectator?” Your date asks as she cocks her head to the side! “I should probably start learning some self-defense too…”

You pump the brakes a little too hard as the suggestion registers in your head! Err uh, you sputter as your mind wrestles with the possible outcomes of you bringing Master Laika and Pepper together, y-you’ll um… you’ll check! Next time!

“No need to make things awkward!” Pepper replies with an apologetic laugh! “It’d probably be weird if we went to the same place, huh…”

You’re pretty sure you’re their only student, you counter, so you’ll… you’ll check. That’s a promise. In any case, you continue in a much more measured voice, martial arts pretty much saved your life… and not just because of what happened on the isla-

AH-AH-AH! IX-NAY-

Alright, alright, you’re not gonna talk about the damn… event... sheesh! It’s just done a lot to curb your anger, you conclude with a smile on your face! Definitely cools you down a bit!

“But you’re already cool.”

True, you nod, but you could always be cooler!

>CONTD.
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>>5793593
“So what else do you do, Diesel?” Pepper continues as you spot the lights of the pier glimmering in the distance, “Besides thrashing people and stealing hearts, that is.”

Well, you muse as you gun the throttle a bit, ever since you started delivering pies you’ve had that itch… that need for SPEED!

You can’t really see her since she’s behind you, but guessing by her tone Pepper raised her eyebrow. “... you mean, like, racing?

Sometimes, you reply with an enthusiastic nod! There’s a few guys you know that meet up and burn rubber now and then–it’s a good way to blow off steam when you aren’t too wiped out from the night shift!

“No kidding!” Remarks your date with intrigue growing in her voice! “Say, do you think-”

Maybe, you shrug, but you don’t really get any notifications about a meetup happening… and even if there was one happening tonight, you’re definitely not taking a date!

“And why, pray tell, would that be?” Counters Pepper with a hint of anger in her tone!

Well, you stammer, you uh… you just… you didn’t think she’d be interested, is all! Does she really wanna be some race floozy-

You feel her grip tighten around your waist to the point of near-boa constrictor status!

“Diesel,” she hisses into your ear in a stern voice, “I would LOVE to be your racing floozy. Any. Day. Of. The. Week.”

Hmm, you begin in a joking tone, she’ll have to wave a flag and wear a bikini th-

“Any. Day.”

Well shit, now you’ve done it…. If you had known a bike race would be a slam dunk you’d have confirmed with Hayden WEEKS ago! Damn it! Well, you sigh as Pepper’s grip loosens a bit, if she’s still down for it after the pier we could always swing by the usual meetup spot!

“I’m good with whatever, sandcrab!” She chirps as she returns back to normal, “As long as you’re part of the plans, I’m all for ‘em!”

Testing the throttle a bit, you look back at your date with a daring glimmer in your eye! Does she wanna speed things up a bit, then? The girl ponders it for a moment and shakes her head.

“Nah… I wanna keep INTERROGATING you!”

Great, you groan, well what else is there to say…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5793596
“I didn’t wanna assume,” Pepper begins warily, “But do you… do you actually enjoy cooking?”

You nearly launch the two of you off of the bike again with a sudden pump of the brake! Is… is that a joke?

“No…”

Cooking, you begin as you adopt a teacher’s voice, isn’t just a means of acquiring food for you… it’s a blend. A blend of culture, art, and a little love too! It’s… it’s almost like dancing... but you can eat it.

“Huh.” Mutters Pepper as she processes your explanation, “It sounds pretty cool when you put it that way… though I’m not much of a cook myself…”

That’s fine, you shrug, you don’t care what anyone says–it’s not something you’re born with! Well… not always. Your date cocks her head to the side again.

“Were you born with it, sandcrab?”

Hah! You WISH! No, you laugh, you just have some good teachers… and that’s really all it takes to make some good food!

Sensing what she’s about to ask you, you give her another pat. You’ll uh… you’ll show her some of the ropes some time. Preferably when Uncle Emilio’s not around–he has a habit of turning one ‘here, lemme show ya’ into a four hour seminar…

“Uuugh… I feel like I’d just start eating the ingredients at that point…” Groans the girl as she slumps against your back again. “I’d get way too hungry waiting that long…”

Well if it’s after hours you usually turn on a movie or something, you add. Helps fend off the hunger pains!

“Ohoho, and what kind of movie do you like to watch, hm?”

Guess, you reply with a wry grin!

“Hm… ROMANCE!

Screw you… and quit LAUGHING!

>CONTD.
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>>5793602
No, you snicker, you’re… you’re more of an ACTION guy, if she can believe it.

“Hmmm… I guess.” The girl replies flatly. “Let me guess: you grew up on ARMAND SCHLOCKENHEIMER and SILVIO STAMONE, right?”

Well yea, you nod as some of your favorite scenes flash across your mind, but there’s one type that really stuck with you…

“Lemme guess… KUNG FU.”

Right again! Dang, she could write a book on what she knows about you…

“Any recommendations?” Asks Pepper as you rapidly approach your destination! “I tried a few I read about on the internet, but…”

There’s plenty, you explain, but there’s one movie that really stuck with you: you don’t really remember the original Chinese title, but it’s roughly translated into ‘Riverside Village’.

Your passenger goes quiet as she presses against your back again. She clearly wants you to explain, but every time her chest pushes against your back, well…

It’s distracting, is what you’re saying.

Anyways, you begin, it starts with this guy, right? The movie doesn’t explain it straight-out, but he’s a vagrant… and he’s pretty much on his last legs. We’re talkin’ cut-up, caked in mud, dying of hunger!

“Mhmmm..” The girl responds, already entranced by the story!

So these villagers find him, right? They nurse him back to health, give him these healing herbs, new clothes, they even give him a room to stay in until he’s ready to leave! Once he’s healed, though, he immediately gets to work repaying them and even works on the farm of the guy that helped him out. No charge!

When Pepper fails to interrupt, you continue to summarize!

Things seem pretty good for a while, you continue, but after a few days the vagrant meets the owners of the village… a pack of ruthless bandits that help themselves to whatever they want… including the villager’s daughters and food!

“Bet he doesn’t stand for that!”

No he DOESN’T, you nod! So he fights back! He scares off the lowly bandits and gets the attention of their boss… needless to say he’s not too happy about it!

“So… so how does it end?”

Oh no, you smile, you ain’t gonna spoil it for her! She’s just gonna have to come over and watch it with you some time!

“While we practice cooking, right?” She retorts with a smug grin in her tone!

Well, you shrug, you’ll see…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>5793604
You know how it ends, of course… as clearly as the first time you watched the whole thing sitting on the couch next to your dad. Just like him you can still recite all the campy, but inspiring lines, and you can even do the forbidden technique the vagrant pulls on the bandit leader…

“See that?” You remember your dad saying as you watched the vagrant stumbling back into town after the final battle and collapsing in a bloody heap, “That’s what justice is, kiddo. Sacrifice.”

You can almost feel the single tear you shed back when you saw the movie’s end for the first time… that final take where the villagers carry the hero’s body off into the sunset…

“Diesel?”

Wrenched from your memory, you respond to the girl with a hasty nod! Y-yea?

“I uh… I think we missed our turn, chief.”

SHIT! Skidding into a U-Turn, you head back towards the entrance to the PIER PARKING LOT! A-anyways, you stammer, what were we talking about?

“Your hobbies, dude.” She replies with a hint of concern in her voice. “Any… any others?”

Well, you sigh, there is ONE thing you might as well reveal… she’ll find out anyways if she ever comes over to your place…

“W-what is it?”

You uh, well when you were a kid, you begin, you also collected a few things…

“Dolls?”

NO, you snarl, not DOLLS! They’re ACTION FIGURES, damn it! She sounds like RODNEY-

“Woah woah WOAH!” Your date fires back incredulously, “I was just asking, Diesel! Sheesh!”

Sorry, you sigh, you’re… you just… it gets you so STEAMED! They just mean a lot to you, is all! And you don’t sleep with them, so they ain’t DOLLS!

“Got it!” Nods Pepper with resolve in her tone, “Which one’s your favorite, though?”

MAESTRO, no contest! That superhero chic mixed with the classical composer outfit? The accessories? Dude’s incredible. You don’t sleep with it, though! Not anymore...

“What was that last bit?” Asks Pepper as she leans in closer!

Nothing, you reply! And look, we’re HERE!

>CONTD.
>>