i make a shitty quest thread

>>13072055
What kind of shitty quest thread?

That depends on what exactly "some things" are.

(in b4 baleeted)

>>13072035
I get on /tg/ and see somebody has beaten me to the punch in my bid to make a cleverly disguised meta-thread. Failing that, I ask the person who started the dangerously meta thread what he liked to discuss that was deleted by the janitor.

Touhou Hijack a thinly disguised metathread.

I make a thread

about epik breakinz of the system


fuck the dm

fuck the rurus.

I don't give a fuck and move on with my life.

>>13072074
This.

>>13072082
Hahaha yeah I have all these really great stories about a DM I used to have that I drove nuts when I played my frank zappa inspired bard. Shit was so cash.

>>13072088
Are you ribbonfag or are you just reposting it and asking people to pick a party? Because if it doesn't have anything new, there isn't much point (since those interested in the thread have been following them anyway, and we already know what they'll answer).

>>13072035
I look around my current location. What's around me? Doors or anything like that? Any important-looking objects?

>>13072088

I tell OP that any thread started by that image would be full of fail anyway and the janitors are right to scrub it.

>>13072082
You can't break the rurus!

>>13072116
It's regularly updated, and there's more than just forty people on /tg/.

By those standards, no 40k threads should exist, since we all know that ork lovers will waagh, and ultramarines will smurf smurf.

>>13072125
There is a computer in front of you. It is on and connected to the internet.

The rest of the room is bare.

Stat me, /tg/

>>13072149
So there's no door? Great. What are the walls made of? Also, is the computer on a table? Am I sitting in a chair? What are they made of?

>>13072143
Yes, its regularly updated. What I'm asking is if THAT version has been updated by ribbonfag, or if it's still the one we had from his last thread.

There isn't really all that much discussion that goes on in the threads. People either extrapolate what party members act like to pick, pick LOL ORBO x6, or drag their fetishes into it. About the only thing keeping them alive is new faces every once in a while.

>>13072164
They are all metaphysical objects. The "room" has no purpose beyond being able to contain you and the computer, and it does nothing more than that.

The computer does not float, but it does not rest on anything. This is not a paradox, since the computer does not actually inhabit any material space. It is simply within the "room," which contains nothing more than you and the computer.

Log on to the internet and open the /tg/ web page.

>>13072169
Sounds like a lot of the longer-running quest threads. After 20+ threads, getting fresh blood is difficult.

Needs to be more one-shot quests.

>>13072182
Intriguing. Then, if only the computer and I exist within this room, and there is no visible exit from the room, I have no choice but to assume The Room is the universe itself and the computer and I are rival gods.

I challenge the computer to single combat with the following terms: the winner shall rule, the loser shall be cast out of The Room.

>>13072189
You log in, and open /tg/.

You see several threads, none that really catch your interest, or at least not at the moment. You may decide to revive them from one of the back pages later, but not right now.

>>13072125
>>13072149
>>13072164
>>13072182
>>13072209
Are... are you guys seriously trying to turn a troll meta thread into a legitimate Quest?

... carry on, you magnificen/tg/rognards.

>>13072158
Insufficiently meaty -5

>>13072209
The computer reminds you of your past conflicts, which shattered realms, and how you managed to subdue it into being your subordinate. You are the creative force, the leader, the one who has all the ideas, while it is nothing more than the doer, the task fulfiller, the processor.

>>13072210
I open up /x/ in a new tab to check if /b/'s trolling it, and I can invite our waifu in for a CoC discussion.

Examine what programs are installed on this computer, what OS it runs and if possible, what it is named.

>>13072229
Yuugi's strength is dependent on her Hammered stat, not Meaty.

>>13072236
You fail. Calling /x/ your waifu makes you want to die, and you begin to vomit as your innards dissolve. You regret having been such an idiot, and as the pain slowly disappears, you realize that such a stupid thought is painful, and best to be avoided.

+1 wisdom
-5 HP

>>13072233
I tell The Computer that if this is so, then we are slaves to each other. For if we were truly foes in the past, I would not risk letting it exist unless I had some need of it. I have impetus but no capability. It has capability but no impetus. Our existences as they stand are hollow and without meaning, as neither of us are able to achieve true fulfillment.

It is time we became One.

>>13072264
Not in /tg/s fandom.

>>13072233
>>13072274
MOARRRRRRRR!!!

>>13072278
Meaty enough for ya?

>>13072262
The computer runs Lindows Ubusta, and since it is connected to the internet, you can download any program you want (albeit illegally).

The computer was named Mechaonogas, God of Machines, but now in its period of servitude is named Mec.

>>13072299
the trick is balancing the meaty with the hardu gayo.

>>13072304
I'm running Firefox, right? If I'm not, I'm fucking downloading firefox.

>>13072274
The computer begins to merge with you, and you realize that the computer really had always been a part of you.

You now can use your mind to influence the internet directly, without a peripheral. However, you cannot change it in any way differently than you could have with the computer. It's nice that you can avoid carpal tunnel now though.

+1 wis
+1 dex
New ability: Mental Computing

>>13072318
Nothing wrong with a little Cho Marisa.
I think this is an okay amount though.

>>13072323
It probably runs ALL servers at once.
Yes, even Mosaic.

>>13072323
>>13072345
With mental effort, you combine Windows Internet Explorer, Mosaic, Chrome, and Opera together into one ultimate program.

You are sued by Firefox for copyright violations, and end up just downloading it and installing it.

-$40
+1 firefox

>>13072371
Install the essentials
Adblock Plus
Noscript
4chan Toolbar

>>13072338
Very well then. Now that We are One, it is time. We expand the size of The Room and condense Ourself and Our essence into the tiniest possible point at the very center.

Then, We explode.

>>13072385
You install the addons, except something goes wrong with noscript. You realize that with your brain now acting as the computer, you can't really resize the window so you can click the button on the bottom of the screen in order to allow scripts, forcing you to do it manually through the addon menu.

+1 annoyance

SUDDENLY A CIRNO BREAKS YOUR CONCENTRATION

>>13072429
You try to expand the room, and your brain begins to hurt.

There is no x, nor y, nor z coordinates. The room has no dimensions to extend, and trying to expand a sizeless rooms confuses and befuddles you.

-1 wisdom

>>13072432
I assume /tg/ is still open. F5, see if any interesting threads have come up. Open up /co/ in a new tab for kicks.

>>13072451
Then I just explode.

What /tg/ things do you like to discuss?
Really now, what's getting Baleeeted?

>>13072466
You realize that the traffic from /co/ is one of major sources of idiot posts in /tg/. You decide not to open it, just in case more /co/ miscreants try to slip in.

>>13072499
In that case, opening /v/ in a new tab is straight out.... Hmm... I come up with a morally ambiguous story, and ask should his paladin fall for doing this, and post it while putting on my best troll face.

>>13072490
Probably porn, disguised attempts to post porn, trolling and blatantly non-/tg/ stuff.

>>13072484
You explode. It hurts quite a lot, but not any more than you want it to, so all's fine and dandy.

You piece yourself together when you decide you really don't like being scattered all over a... wait, if you have no space to explode in...

OH GOD YOUR BRAIN. NOT AGAIN.

-35 HP
+35 HP
-2 wis

>>13072529
I was trying to Big Bang myself and create life in The Room. Is THAT do-able?

>>13072520
The thread seems like it might pick up, but after twenty or so posts people simply lose interest.

>>13072548
Hmm... /tg/ is smart today... let's see here... I start a Haggard thread.

I'm not really sure what's going on in here, but I find it intriguing nonetheless.

>>13072529
I check my email, and search archives for threads relating to my interests (and unrelated to the janitor's).

>>13072541
You explode yourself again, this time with the intent to create life. You ignore any logic that might impede you, and even accelerate time dramatically.

After several billion years, the first life form appears, and as you stare at it, you realize that it was once a part of you.

No, that's not it. It still is a part of you.

With a sudden epiphany, the universe you created from your own form returns to you, and you realize that separating yourself might be utterly meaningless.

+3 wis

>>13072574
Your attempt at forcing a meme succeeds! People laugh and laugh, and start forcing it everywhere!

This lasts for about three days. Then, only the saddest, most miserable people, still clinging to their "glory days" continue to post it, before it disappears forever, along with all the other failed memes.

Archived as a lesson to future anons; bawww all you want, we'll just go on having fun and being awesome.

>>13072035
>there's nothing you can do about it
>What do you do?

A STRANGE GAME

THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY

>>13072587
I turn The Room inside-out.

>>13072604
You do realize it's OP running the quests, right?

>>13072632

You discover that despite having no dimensions, the room does, for some, inexplicable reason, have colors!

The inside was originally jet black. When inverted, it's now Fuchsia.

+1 to hatred of the color Fuchsia.

>>13072633
What, that Anonymous guy? Yeah, he's same-fagging all over this thread.

rolled 7 = 7

>>13072653
Excellent. I flip the room back and forth between fuchsia and black as fast as possible, allowing my rage to build.

Rolling d20 for fortuitousness of the results...

rolled 15 = 15

>>13072633
Nah, I'm pretty sure the OP was a whiny bitch, and the GM of this quest is a total bro, so they can't be the same person.
Anyhow, I assume there's a 40k thread going on? I attempt to Hijack it in the name of Slaanesh.

>>13072683
Your rage increases rapidly, but without some form of release, it simply rests within you. It's starting to hurt.

Rage status-Maximum
-2 HP

>>13072706
I'm pretty sure I'm both people.

rolled 11 = 11

>>13072715
I unless my pent-up rage against a small point on one wall of The Room.

Rolling again for fortuitousness...

rolled 19 = 19

>>13072747
UNLEASH.

>>13072088
How the fuck is that /tg/ related you twat

>>13072747
The room has no walls, no dimensions, and thus, no points.

The rage starts to consume you.

Rage status- Maximum
-3 HP

>>13072758
>how are fantasy roleplaying characters related to /tg/?

How are 40K characters related to /tg/?

rolled 5 = 5

>>13072765
Fine, fuck it. I use my RAGE to create a first dimension.

rolled 5 = 5

>>13072765
The answer is obvious, create a "Things my DM does that I hate" thread.

>>13072784
You try to create the first dimension, but it is a task that would require infinite finesse, not infinite rage. Your failure only incites your anger more, breaking the limits of what you thought was your maximum rage.

Rage status - CRITICAL
-10 HP

>>13072758

Your FACE isn't /tg/ related. What now, nerd?

rolled 10 = 10

>>13072805
Before I rage myself to death, I must make a "Things my DM does that I hate" thread.

>>13072794
You pound out a thread, mashing the air in front of you as if there was still a keyboard for you to smash apart as you type.

After making your kind, good-natured DM seem like the spawn of Satan by listing nothing but exaggerated accounts of mistakes he made, you feel a slight sense of catharsis.

Rage status- Intense

rolled 20 = 20

>>13072836
I now same-fag and pretend to troll myself. I repeat this three more times, so that I am presented as OP, troll, white knight, troll, and drawfag drawing my own nonexistent DM.

rolled 6 = 6

>>13072836
To prevent my own rage from growing in response to my thread, I preemptively samefag saying "Your DM sucks, kick him out and DM yourself"

>>13072843
>DAT NAT 20!!!

>>13072843
>>13072844
Samemind.

>>13072843
Your samefagging is perfect. People begin to support and defend each of your different personas, not realizing that they're arguing about nothing more than your personal delusions.

You watch as the thread reaches 300+ posts in the span of a few hours, and you feel a sense of mirth, knowing that people wasted their time all because you were just so angry you had to do something about it.

Rage status- On the back burner
+1 archived threads

Well guys, we may not have become a god, but we did piss off a few not-real people on the internet. I'm sleepy, g'night, successful Quest was successful.

rolled 2 = 2

>>13072886
A few hours, eh? I think after that time I need a fap.
1 = /d/
2= /e/
3= /h/
4= /s/

>>13072943
You fap to tame hentai, which allows your imagination to do the majority of the dirty work. However, it's relatively hard work (thinking and fapping), and you end up tired, so you go to sleep.

And I think I'm going to sleep now too.

Looks like that was the real GM that left. I'll take up the mantle for now then.