I can glow faintly.

I have the ability to give my self a migraine on demand, I use it to get out of certain situations.

I can generate electrical currents from my hands, but they're only powerful enough to charge a AA battery or set dry paper on fire.

Fortunately for me, I've always wanted to be able to light people's cigarettes with a snap of my fingers, so I am content.

Whenever I flip a coin I can make it land however I want every time. Even on it's side.

I have night vision, but it's on 24/7.

I all ways get what I want on any dice.

I can talk to papyrus.

The ability to communicate with the Chinese.

Eagle eyes- you know, really sharp vision.

I can close my ear holes and nostrils at will.
Seriously I can.

I can turn Coca-Cola into Pepsi.

>>13103700
A spreading version of Midas Touch, only with Plants > Marijuana

I'd turn the entirety of the Amazon Rainforest into pot, then force the US government to let them sell it legally (giving me a share) in America under threat of turning all US crops into pot.
When the cutting down/burning of the pot-forest fucks the planet, I'll use my massive profits to terra-form the moon.
Then I'll turn it all into pot.

I have the ability to bleed out of my ears. Combined with my natural power to throw up whenever I want to, I can get out of any boring meetings and whatnot.

I can cause persistent itching over TCP/IP.

Unrivaled rage

I can inflict earworms on people at-will.

I can turn invisible, but only if nobody is looking.

I drive delivery trucks and never miss a deadline. Ever.

>>13103735
MIND = BLOWN

>>13103748
What good will that do you? Ben Stiller had that power and it never really did any good.

>>13103772
Dude, that is the most useful power ever

I can recognize any citation of Mystery Men.

I can turn my teeth into brittle glass.

I can throw traffic cones 3 times as far as humanly possible.

I can make anyone to cum at will.

The ability to cause water to change state, unfortunately I do not decide which way it goes.

>>13103776
No. The real question is. What good wouldn't it do.

My fingernails taste like meat. Delicious, grilled meat.

I can tell the exact quantity of any items in a mixed bundle at a glance

For example, I can glance at a pile of beans and tell you how many beans are there.

I use it to win prizes at fairs.

I can turn all bones in a 50 yard radius into fire ants. I can only use the power once.

When I blow a balloon, it never pops. Ever.

Intuit North

I'm completely immortal, to my own suicide attempts.

>>13103787
There was a shitty Avenger once who had a sort of similar power. He was weird as fuck. Tried it on the Hulk once, got punched in the face. GOOD END.

I can speak with Fir trees.

I can make anybody speak with a random accent.

>>13103794
Nigga say what?

I have a silly walk.

My anus is a constantly relocating portal to another place in the world. Sometimes I shit out mildly useful objects, sometimes things get stuck up there and are lost forever.

>>13103804
This power is too useful. You could simply trap people in rooms with balloons you've filled up.

>>13103799
a dense crowd of people.... terrible..terrible damage

I can make people lose control of their bladder and bowels.

>>13103799
That's only because your bones became fire ants too. If you can get past that problem, everyone's bones can be the fire ants.

I excrete a gooey slime every time I sleep. It is mildly protective and stops me from eating bugs and having them fly into my ears while I sleep.

My belly button is a pencil sharpener.

>but your power is to say the least

You just told me. I can only vastly understate things no matter what they are.

This is a slightly disappointing power.

>>13103821

You shouldn't stick things in your anus.

>>13103799
If it works on bones still inside living people, that could be pretty damn cool that one time.

...If it also works on your own, not so much.

>>13103824

Of course, the power does not specify that his own bones are not also affected...

I can know the exact weight of any fruitcake I touch (though only in metric)

I can eat whatever junk food I want without getting heart disease and stuff.

>>13103844
of course either way... terrible.. terrible damage

I can wiggle my ears real good.

I'm able to predict what my next captcha will be with perfect accuracy.

I can eat metal.

My power is to instantly find the least useful power in any crowd I am part of.

(...it's always me.)

I can lead and shit gold. Still get lead poisoning though, and it's only a minute quantity of gold.

I can ejaculate in less than two minutes.

I can close any jar so tight the materials meld together. However only if someone unaware of my power asks me to open the jar.

Quantum immortality. You can't even tell the difference.

I intuitively know the name of any ska band playing within fifteen feet. I've never used my power.

>>13103859
I laughed.

What is the name of our mutant hero squad?

I can turn any precious metal into an equal mass of pennies.

I hover over pitfalls and potholes automatically when running/walking. I fall down if I'm standing still or look down while running.

I can alter reality so that whenever I leave a social gathering, something amazing happens. Conversely, nothing amazing ever happens when I'm around.

>>13103879
Also, whenever you enter an establishment, it fills up if empty, or empties if full, but ONLY after you have made your purchase.

I am completely immune to the venom of the Daddy Long Legs.

I can fart in any color!

>>13103839
That's a matter of opinion sir.

>>13103866
I'll never be a chicken being lovingly talked to by a beautiful Eastern European girl.
;_;

>>13103879
>Amazing Happenings man leaves Warhammer 40k tournament
>Squad of Ultramarines comes to life and begins purging players for heresy
>bestpowerever.png

I can drink piss then piss Gatorade.

I can speak in any accent flawlessly however when people speak to me if they are not speaking in my last used accent i cannot understand them.

I have superhuman skill at badminton.

It's still an olympic sport, right? Right?

Polyglot. That is all.

I'm capable of quoting every post I've ever seen on 4chan from memory. I can also draw rough sketches of every thumbnail I've seen on 4chan.

I can fold any bill of any currency in such a manner as to turn them into unique and interesting looking things.

I can always catch any insect in mid-flight.

I have a very limited form of telekinesis. I can only move biscuits.

I can time travel, but only 2 minutes into the future and never back.

I have a second mouth just under my chin. It tells me the ending and every major plot point and twist in any movie or program I watch and any book I read.

I relive the worst memories of anyone I touch as long as I'm touching them.

At least I have a good excuse for being forever alone.

>>13103937
Those are cookies, you strange foreigner.

My navel lint tastes vaugely of strawberries and whenever I sneeze, nearby dogs starts barking.

Any cookies that I bake will never go stale.

I possess the ability to nullify adhesiveness thus preventing me from getting glue on my hands however if i do not concentrate strongly things i touch will sometime become extremely adhesive and i cannot change it.

>>13103902
>survivors tell me what happened

Awww man ;__;

Probability is constant for me. Say I can by will "save up" chance by failing a coin flip 10 times in row, and then use it to win a roll where I only have 1/1000 chance of success.

get rich gamblinb

If I arrive between 1 and 2 hours late to a meeting/appointment, people will believe any excuse I make without question

>>13103950
Wait you call Mcvities digestives cookies? What madness is this?

I can exert 4.3 newtons of force on anything in my line of sight three times per day.

>>13103950

Cookies = biscuits in England.

I am 4% more efficient at masturbation.

>>13103974
We got cookies too though

I can color inside the lines at will.

>>13103970
It's a cookie. Or biscuit, doesn't matter. It's sweet and baked, and not a cake, therefore a cookie. If you think it's not sweet you're american and addicted to sugar so much that anything ever made in europe feels sour to you.

Okay, that's a good useless superpower, whatever you eat tastes sour, all the time.

>>13103963
No downside? No problem. All things generally taken as a given will sometimes have a random probability of failing. For example random anti-gravity, body will lose base involuntary functions such as breathing etc.

>>13103974
...I know. Hence what I said.

Apparently my power is to be misunderstood.

>>13103937
I have the same power, but since I live in America, I've never thought to try it on Cookies instead of Biscuits.

>>13103984
>>13103988

The point is that I made a Mitchell and Webb reference. Yaaaaay

The ability to make anything I eat taste better. Mind you it doesn't do anything about the thing I eat but it makes cafeteria food and vegetables easier to eat.

By touching an object I can visualize and estimate the mole-weight if I focus on the task of estimating real hard for 10 seconds.

>>13103940
That's incredibly useful, for survival purposes.
Gunman in the room? Dissapear for two minutes, he'll probably be gone by the time you reappear.
Get trapped in a cave-in in a mine? Keep popping forward until they break through.

If you can do a pop every second, thats 120 minutes per relativistic minute.

I can read people like a coloring book.

i can eat rocks and gain healthy nutrients from said rocks, never have to buy food again

I can turn my left index finger into a pencil. I'm right handed.

I can put a fully functioning zipper on anything i touch

>>13104009
>coloring book
You mean that you can see a childish version of their life up to now in black/white outlines, which you can mentally fill in?

THE POWER TO TURN BEAVERS INTO GOLD!

>>13103700

My hair grows at 100 times the normal speed.

It's not prehensile or anything, it just grows really fast. I can make wigs for cancer patients real fast, or weave it into ropes and nets if trapped on a desert island.

>>13103959

What survivors?

>>13104018
However you are absolutely disgusted by people who pleasure themselves and if you wish to masturbate you must use your touch for that day on yourself.

I can travel forward in time with the speed of regular time.

The only card I'm capable of drawing from a deck of cards is the three of diamonds.

>>13104024
>I can put a fully functioning zipper on anything i touch

Damn! That's almost as bad as the 'Make A Door Anywhere In Space, including someone's body'

Imagine, for good you could apply a zipper to a gunshot wound and pull out the bullet, before seaing it up and banishing the zipper.
For evil, you could zip open someone's neck to kill without a knife.

Or better yet, zipper apart two cars of a train at the axle! Wave goodbye to your assailants!

My skin acts like litmus paper

>>13103700
I can lick my own elbow...Seriously I can :<

The index finger on my left hand turns into a gun and fires, but only when I'm scratching my head.

I have perfectly exact memory for the span of a year when thinking about things that happened fourteen years ago.

>>13104066
With that finger, or could you scratch your head with your pinky and point your index finger elsewhere?

>>13104052
however you have a debilitating fear of the number 3

Gravity has 1.3 times its normal effect on me and anything within my line of sight that I choose to affect.

I can fly, but only upside down, and gravity still affects me normally.

Yes, this means I either may fly with my back to the ground, or with my head pointed down.

>>13104056
Nah, bro. Imagine like a zipper attached to the exterior of something, without actually opening it.

>>13104089
Good for wrestling, ja?
You are strong german boy, and always register as heavyweight despite stature.

I can become completely transparent and anything can pass through me. No one can ever defeat me but I can never defeat anyone.

>>13104078
I would troll every MTG tournament ever.

>>13104111
too mainstream. Kitty showed us the power of intangibility.
Unless you mean that you can't controll it or anything.

>>13104106
So like, lightly adhered to the surface, and you can just peel it off?

I can speak any language and write it, but I only understand those I have learned.

This guy. It may not be powerful but its fucking impressive.

I have nauseating bad breath that can be smelled from across the room.

>>13104089
I for see that as being incredibly useful ability, and great for trolling as well.

See that passenger plane in the sky? Weighs a couple tons, but now it weighs a few tons more, down it goes! Sam for fighter jets in dogfights, would seriously throw of maneuverability.

Maybe you are able to catch people as a cop by tripping them up with your mild gravity control.

I have the natural ability to pilot giant robots without any formal training.

Now, as soon as they get around to making giant robots, I'll be good to go.

If badly injured my body will activate 'fight and flight' response- my body will run in random direction and wail arms in an uncontrollable manner.

I have the power to make anyone enjoy a certain anime as long as I am present in the room while they are watching it. Even the second season of haruhi.

captcha: self Exhilliz
I can exhale without anyones assistance.

>>13104155
You are in luck! Japan and Germany both have giant robots in the beta stages! Not very maneuverable and tricky to pilot, but hey, here comes Ace Pilot Anon!

>>13104024
http://jjba.wikia.com/wiki/Sticky_Fingers

Not weak at all.

I'm Dare-Devil.

>>13104106
No, he had it right

I can abort fetuses with my mind. Anything that's still attached to an umbilical cord counts.

>>13104182
That's pretty useful then.

>>13104161
So does that mean that if someone attacks you, you go 'feral' on their shit until the fights over or your flight is activated?

Sounds like a more human version of beast-man type superhero.

>Lierno Sicily
You are Lierno, a Sicilian hit man.

>>13104204
That's actually pretty useful.
"Honey, I'm pregnant! You're the father, so I want you supporting us!"
"...Sorry, what?"

I cant pick Any lock, i spend my days trying to find the lock that cant be picked.

You know how if you stare at a cloud and concentrate, it disappears? I can do that with any gaseous body.

I have the power to one-up people. But it can only be used on people who brag about things or when I'm drunk.

The ability to make others perform random scenes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show movie complete with costumes.

I can detect whether or not someone is trolling or is genuinely confused.

My power is I can push wet room temperature noodles out of my fingers unless I'm hungry then my power won't work.

At any given time, I have the link of a unique image of goatse memorized. If I link to a particular image of goatse, I will never link to it again.

I have super speed without any of the secondary or tertiary powers to support it

I must constantly self regulate to keep from bursting into flames, breaking all of my bones, or liquefying my organs

>>13104293
Ewwww.

I can shit gold.

Well, not really. It's just shit but I can convince anyone that it's gold. It only works when I try to convice people that my shit is gold, no other material triggers it.

I can travel 1 second into the future or the past, but it takes 1 second to recharge

My perception of time is vastly slower than normal, but so is my cognitive processing speed.

The ability to make people doubt that I have a power.

I have the power to flawlessly navigate the route that allows longest survival time inside of a black hole's event horizon.

>>13104330
Subtle, isn't it?

I am the best organism in the universe at killing things with flails.

I know everything on the Internet that ever was or ever will be. EVERYTHING
Oh god...why?!?

I have an extremely sensitive sense of touch.

>>13104240
>any gaseous body

Even Jupiter?

>>13104380
Yes.

>>13104380
The time to remove the object is linear with it's mass. Cloud takes 15 mins.

I can beat anyone at thumb wrestling.

>>13104270
Too powerful.

My mutation makes it impossible for me to see the color red. Instead, I see it as sort of an off-red.

>>13103721
Are you kidding me that's an awesome power

>>13104346
Hey, that's not always a bad thing!
Thank of it, you would be able to photographically remember and relive the most EPIC THREADS EVER!
Feeling down? Remember the hundreds of awesome HFY! stories out there!
Running a campaign as a DM? You have the collective knowledge of all the sourcebooks PLUS the advice of all DM's on all boards, including /tg/!

I can turn fire ants into bones exactly once.

I can type pretty fast.

I can tell how recently someone's masturbated by shaking their hand.

>>13104432
Inclding women?

I have the power to absorb the abilities of any other mutant I encounter.

I am also the only mutant on the planet.

>>13104422
And then you get random flashback of Sapphirus's drawings while having sex.

Everything I touch feels slightly disappointed and briefly entertains the notion of vagrancy.

My mutation is cancer.

>literal interpretation get

>>13104422
But all the porn...dear god all of the porn.....ever see a dwarf take an insane amount of terrasque up the ass? That poor bastard probably has and can never unsee it.

Perfect elemental control over paperclips.

>>13104445
Including rocks?

>Janiants taiking

>>13104453
Child Porn, Child Porn everywhere.
Gore, too.

>>13104445
Does this apply to inanimate objects as well? If so then best power ever.

I can grant you a wish as long as it is genuinely the most trivial wish you can think of. Every time I do this, I will die one year sooner than I normally would.

>>13104474
Yes, it applies to everything.

>>13104468
"Steve, where the fuck is that report I asked for last tuesday!?"
"You aren't the boss of me! FIRE-CLIPS, ATTACK!"

>phighted Labor

>>13104477
Would it be possible for me to wish that you'd live 367 days longer than you normally would have?

>>13104486
Doesn't sound trivial to me.

The ability to make ducks dance.

I can levitate with the force of 90% of my body weight.
So basicly feather fall.

My left and right pinky are slightly magnetic and of opposite poles.

I have the mutant power to set myself on fire with my mind.

I can telepathically send text to any printer in line of sight.

>>13104488
Could I reliably and quickly find my keys for the next year?

I can see perfectly despite any adverse conditions, but only if I wear sunglasses.

>>13103835
Something's awry.

My powers give me ability to become virign again and I'm a guy...

My fingernail clippings are highly explosive!

They don't grow any faster, though.

I can render anything in my line of sight non flammable.

I can extrude hair, but I can't retract it.

My farts smell of freshly cut flowers and in the tune of E major.

>>13104541
Biological organisms function by combustion on molecular scale. You have the ability kill anything just by looking at it.

I can heighten my cholesterol at will

If I concentrate, I can make a person think they're playing a third person RPG and try to zoom out.

my skin changes color at random intervals and includes color patterns and madness inducing colors of the warp

>>13104554

Holy balls.

>>13104541
carry a mirror on hand, work as a fire-fighter.
Before you go in a building, look at yourself in the mirror, then become AN HERO, minus the dying part.

>>13104554
Shit.

>>13104561
Why would you want to heighten your own cholesterol?

>>13104554
Problem. LOS dictates what is visible. Molecules and cells aint visible to the naked eye.

>>13104576
Why would you want to turn bones into fire ants?

>>13104576
To lower it

>>13104600
I can accurately predict my post number.

It only works sometimes...

I can change the angle of any shadow in my line of sight by 1 degree.

>>13104562
what would that even look like?

>>13104611
I can accurately predict my post number.

It only works sometimes...

>>13104572
so A HERO?

>>13104612
well...fuck
off by one

>>13103866
chickensight!
i know those thousands of hours in Paint would pay off.


My Keys Are Almost Always Where I Left Them!

no.. hmm..

The power to have somewhat scaly and reptilian skin all over my body.

It just grows in that way, can't control it. Looks somewhat lizardlike but not lizard-strength or regeneration. Just looks funny.

So i guess that could be shortened to "The Power to make a moderate living doing specialized fetish photography and sideshows!"

Hrmm

I can convert anyone to a religion once per day. The religion must already have over one hundred thousand participants.

I have the ability to understand any language spoken to me. This does not extend to written language, at least not without intense and extremely stressful amounts of concentration.

>>13104637
Do you always have to use your power when communicating or can you learn languages normally?

I have to consume human flesh (specifically brains) to survive, since my body is evolved to be a dedicated carnivore, and I have that awesome kuzu resistant gene.

Everyone necessarily must understand everything I say sarcastically as literal.

i can breath in lava

After being bitten by a radioactive human my DNA mutates and I become !!! Downs-Syndrome man!
With my retard strength I will cookies taste great with milk which is white like a pidgeon.

>>13104637
So you hear in your first language or whatever, but the speaker's mouth doesn't sync up at all with their words?

So going to a foreign country is like watching a superlatively dubbed foreign film. Neat.

I have the power to move my heart to the other side of my body.

Just my heart.

I can cum at will.

Any pillow that is in contact with my head is perpetually cool.

I instinctively know all of the cheats and exploits in any game I play.

>>13104111

This is a clear case of lack of thinking.

Carry granades.

>>13104667
So it would be like that episode of Son of the Beach where they go to Japan and everyone speaks badly dubbed.

I fight crime with my new super power! I can fire ants out of my dick!

>>13104660
I lol'd

I have the power to make people laugh at all of my jokes. Even the racist ones.

Especially the racist ones.

The contents of any canned good I touch change into lukewarm beef stroganoff.

>>13104706
What happens if you touch a can of beef stroganoff?

I can only understand math on a base 7 system, but I am a human calculator. I am average in all other respects.

>>13104710
BAKLAVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I photosynthesize.

It kinda sucks as I can't eat as much, but whatever.

>>13104710
It would become lukewarm and he'll divide by zero.

>>13104710
It becomes lukewarm.

I hate the attention span of a goldfish!

>>13104637
just have somone abel to reaad the language out loud, no need to understand the meaning.
I can read spanish out loud and sound like a native, but not have a damn clue what i'm saying.

I have the power to masturbate furiously at the drop of a hat.

>>13104720
Are those doritos?

I'm incapable of feeling surprise.

I have the power to travel through time, but I am only capable of doing it while drunk.

>>13104737
"Whoops, dropped my hat"

>>13104747
does that mean you are incapable of suffering emotional or mental trauma or scarring?
SWEET

>>13104747
Does this apply to Dull Surprise too because that would make you effectively emotionless?

>>13104751
Do you also do DRUNK SCIENCE?!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/551691

I have the power to inflict people with terminal, long term deceases. It does nothing in my favor, but it makes my enemies lives a heck of a lot worse. just imagine a mutant just infecting you with cancer for no apparent reason.

>>13104752
*fap fap fap fa-*
Done! Before the hat touched the ground!

>>13104752

I can make any normal character sound like a Mary Sue without changing any of their actual information.

I have the power to vomit up my own intestines.

>>13104777
Thanks to you, Gandalf is now ruined FOREVER.
Jerk.

I am photosynthetic. And conspicuously green.

Everything I say is ironic.

All my friends are hipsters.

I can win every argument.

I have the power to turn my blood into acid, but only if I'm not bleeding at the time. The instant any of my blood leaves my body, the power stops working.

I can tell the chemical makeup of any object by licking it.

I can somersault significantly faster than any other human being.

>>13104821
Congratulations. You and all of your descendants shall be known as Vampire Bane forevermore.
The vampires just call you 'cat piss'.

>>13104815
No you can't!

>>13104845
You're just trying to contradict me, that's really immature.

I have limited power of levitation, but can only trigger it by jumping and can only sustain it for a nanosecond.

Any time someone leaves their name field blank, I'm capable of figuring out their full name and favorite color.

>>13104868
overpowered.

I'm capable of making everyone lose a specific game.

>>13104856
No I'm n.. ah, dang it.

I'll get you next time Argument Man, Next Tiiiiiiiiime...

I can cure myself of any fatal disease, but only once. I then have a fatal heart attack which I cannot be revived from.

I have the power to know why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, why they call them Apple Jacks when they don't taste like apples, and how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

>>13104877
Blue.

My semen is ants

I create any playing card I wish out of thin air, but it's always of a different brand than the deck I'm playing with.

>>13104907
It's fucking delicious, marketing, 317.

I always get singles.

>>13104920
Thank you for demonstrating why it's kind of a shitty power.

>>13103700
I am jubilee

I am as fast and as agile as three men.

I have the power to wiggle my testicles independently of each other.

>>13104931
I'm so sorry.

I can manipulate flowers

>>13103731

im incredibly creative but noone likes my ideas :\ also i can be really funny sometimes XD

I can tell when a woman is faking it.

I can become invisible when touching my dick but I'll go blind too while doing it.

Ability to fly, but only when looking for hotdogs.

Given enough time, I'm capable of doing anything.

My skin and flesh are extraordinarily soft and supple. I am really ugly.

I have the power of common sense. That's it.

>>13105009
Overpowered.

I can sleep for 16-18 hours everyday, during which I have incredibly lucid dreams and am able to cognate like normal people while they are awake. I'm not able to remember much while I'm awake, but I get all of the nutrients I need to survive just by being awake.

>>13103700
>plorp

I have the power to impregnate women only when neither of us wants or can afford a kid, and I render it impossible for her to miscarry (either intentionally or unintentionally) that one child.

This also happens even if it should be impossible due to contraception, tissue damage, sterilization, wrong time of the month, or any other thing that would normally prevent pregnancy.

i have the power to control other people's bladders

>>13105056
see: >>13104204

I can make people mildly angry by exercising.

I can successfully finish any video game in one week, usually with minimum failures (lost lives, game overs, etc.)

I'm a sentient being in a universe of inanimate objects.

>>13105088
How do you finish an MMO?

>>13105111

You die

I can pull off flawless backflips as it were nothing. But only when I least intend to do so.

I can't do it on demand, but say I was walking down the road when suddenly... backflip.

Then I just keep walking like nothing happened.

>>13105077
Wouldn't work, it's still a miscarriage.

I can sing Queen's Princes of the Universe verbatim, including the overlaid chorus. Thats it.

I can turn gold into lead, but only a couple of grams a day.

The power to make things explode with the power of a missile by touching it with the tip of my left index finger, however I am not immune to the effects of the explosion.

The power to be able to learn any skill I see such as brain surgery or martial arts but only be 10% as skilled as the original person I copied it from. I can only copy a skill from one person so I can't simply copy a more skilled person to get slightly better.

being able to play any black metal song on a harmonica on demand.

I know EXACTLY how much milk is left in the jug.

I have the ability to always be able to grab the exact amount of change from my coin purse for any purchase on my first try, no concious thought necessary.

I have the power to raise dead topics.

>>13106298
I have the power send threads to death.