>>13302897
[Continued]
Now perhaps your wondering - what good is a tower thats insured only up to level ten? You're an epic level encounter and you deserve the respect of one! And this is true. The tower is designed to kill the weak and give the strong a false sense of security. The dungeon proper is insured up to level 17, that's right, 17. Our competitors only dare to insure up to level 15 but we deliver that extra quality which leads to the most satisfying surprises for your foes.
Now perhaps you're wondering "What about an epic level party?" You dodged the mortal coil for a reason, and you need to be prepared for even the most seasoned adventurer. Well, if you order the extra deluxe addition, we can provide an extra-planar, massively warded housing spot for your phylactery, protected by no less than a dozen of the highest quality devils.
So tell me, would you be interested in purchasing today?

Reminds me of that story I wrote about a demon who ran dungeons and let adventurers pilfer them for profit.

>>13303052
Ah, so you're looking for our "Trick Dungeon" package. One of our less popular, but most effective. Set up a fake dungeon for them to run, let them get that nice warm sense of accomplishment that those adventurers seem to run on, and remain safe and secure in your own hold!

>>13303140
Well, it worked more like a toll system. They paid a percentage of their haul towards the people that owned the dungeon, who then in turn refilled the dungeon...somehow.

I didn't think it through too much.

>>13303172
Here at BEHOLD! The power of industry! Industries, a subholding of Beholders Inc., we think things through twice.

I am a husky gentlecreature with special requirements regarding space , additional larders/slave quarters. Can your organization cater to my needs as a full figured dungeon boss?
Also, do you dimensional portals come in "extra wide"?

>>13303312
We serve any size and shape up to Elder Dragons, so yes! Whereabouts in the plane would you like your Dungeon located?

Uhhh... Hi. I uh... I like the dungeon you gave me, but... uh..... How do I put this?

....where's the bathroom....?

>>13303333
Ideally the prime material end of the portal should be somewwhere secluded from prying eyes, but not too far from a reliable bidepdal food source. Halflings are so delicious, but they are also so fatty, and I'm trying to lose a few hundred pounds before the start of orgy season in Dis. Do you have any suggestions as to a less fatty but still delicious source of victims?
Alternately, anywhere there is currently a famine would be enjoyable, as the suffering and shortages my appetites will cause should prove most gratifying.

>>13303373
We assumed you'd use the sphere of annihilation for that....

>>13303373
Anywhere you want, obviously!

>>13303382
How do you feel about starving deep gnomes? We've got a freshly oppressed locale a fair distance away from a Drow outpost. Would involve a slightly increased chance of adventurers. You might be looking at "sidequest" status, if any of your victims escapes and an adventuring party wanders through (seriously the drow attract them like flies to stink)

>>13303384
Sphere of Annhilation? You mean the really big Portable Hole I've been using to hide all of my trea-

....


I need to go.

>>13303445
And this is why we encourage all customers to READ THE BLUEPRINTS WE PROVIDE YOU.
Also, we here at Behold! the power of industry! Industries are not liable for any and all losses involving spheres of annihilation or other artifacts of "Campaign Breaking" power.

As a gunslinger lich Ifind your offer highly appealing but will there be enough space for my collection?

bump for lol

>>13303533
Dragon-guy here. This is a surprisingly humorous concept, and I wish there were more people around to respond to it. :/

>>13303529
Sir, I can assure you this: Your dungeon will have a demi-plane just for your arsenal, with spotlights to highlight your favorite pieces.

Do you have anything in a more "Evil-lair-in-space" style to it?

>>13303548
Me too. I can see the beholder behind the cash register even now.
>>13303550
This was me also.

>>13303579
Would a moon base do? We do not yet have the ability to construct in the raw firmament, although we may be able to tow an appropriately large asteroid into orbit.

Excuse me, but I've heard rumours of your corporation subleasing portions of already-owned dungeons to other villains without the legal owner's permission. What do you have to say to that!?

>>13303550

But everyone of my firearms are precious! They're like sons to me! They're even better than my real sons! Bunch of ingrateful bastards...

Will there be a spotlight for every single one of them?

What do you have in the way of volcanoes?

>>13303600
Lies! Lies and slander! Who said this? We will sue them for slander and/or libel!
We do not engage in dungeon flipping, dungeon claim-jumping, dungeon sub-contracting, dungeon theft, or unauthorized dungeon expansion here at B! tpoi! Industries, and we object to the insinuation that we do. All our work is of the highest quality, entirely original, and fit to the needs of our customers.

You got any puzzle-based traps? My sphinx girlfriend fucking loves those.

>>13303607
If that is what you want, yes! The cost will be slightly higher, however.
>>13303632
Sir, a better question is what DONT we have in the way of volcanoes. I myself started out as a volcanic specialist, and now I'm running the entire regional office for this plane!

>>13303653
Roses? Chocolates? Pffft. This motherfucker's buyin' his girl a *dungeon*.

Take notes, gentlemen.

>>13303653
We have puzzles inside other puzzles that are themselves inside a dungeon accessed from failing a puzzle-based trap.

For a limited time, we also sell "Gygax" level devious and dastardly designs. For when you absolutely, positively, can't leave a single one of those thieving bastards alive.

>>13303427
Not only am i a Pit Fiend, one of the most powerful on devils, but the DM has whimsically assigned me MAXIMUM HIT POINTS based on my massive girth. HOW DARE YOU call me a side quest!!
That being said, i am interested in one of your Commodes of Annihlation, provided they come in Huge sizes. Also, is adamantine reinforcement available?
The only reservation I have regarding the locale is the proximity of the dark elves. We all know what effect they have on property values. Also they are religiously intolerant of my kind, as they worship demons.
If you can mediate a treaty with them , i might reconsider.Also, regarding the adventurers: can you guarantee at least one nubile female adventurer per annum? This is kind of a dealbreaker.

>>13303671
Are they complicated enough that a wizard with moderately high intelligence and basic knowledge of logic and riddle puzzles will not be able to break in and kill my girlfriend like he did the last 3 times?

Me Kobold.

Me want dungeon that make me seem big and impressive. Me no like being mocked anymore by people and things. Me want place where me can be alone, but seem big.
Me have gold from mine mine.

What recommend?

dear sir,

I am intruiged by your offer, and wish to progess immediately to the purchasing stage of this agreement. I will take a deluxe suite cloud castle please, with all extras.

Of course, now the real question: how much, and you you take souls as currency?

>>13303657

Magnificent money is nothing to keep my beuties safe

Now for the localization what's the most dangerous place you got?

>>13303699
>can you guarantee at least one nubile female adventurer per annum?

So I heard you wanted a female adventurer

>>13303737

>>13303712
Well, we can do those nasty process of elimination puzzles that require days of thinking and multiple charts to solve. Usually those are outside of an adventurers' patience level. The problem with puzzles is that they are meant to be SOLVED.... so if you want secure, I recommend buying Gygax.
>>13303699
Sir I was not implying that you were a sidequest! But clearly this little dungeon thing is a sidequest for you, hmm? Until the next orgy? Ohohoho, but I kid. Yes, we can ward against the dark elves. Failing that, we'll leave plenty of maps around leading right to the drow city. They'll practically be besieged by adventurers! And I'm sure plenty a nubile young female will be among them. Although I for one cannot tell one biped from another.

>>13303719
For you, we offer our "lil conqueror!" brand. Perfect for the villain with plans that outstretch their reach!
>>13303721
We do accept souls, at up-to-date soul-exchange rates from either the Hells or the Abyss, whichever is currently offering the best prices.

>>13303657
>volcanoes

Perfect. I'll take the one with three craters.

>>13303771
And dragons. It needs dragons. At least two.

Preferably made out of lava.

>>13303771
Excellent! A minor devil will be along shortly with the paperwork.

Do you discriminate based on alignment? I have a Overlook fortress I have been meaning to construct..

>>13303790
Tell him to watch the antimagic field over the moat; he needs to actually take the bridge instead of just flying through the window. It keeps out most of the spam... but it also keeps out most of the mail I actually want.

>>13303770
Will "lil conquerer" impress all ladies?

>>13303808
Discrimination? No, of course not. Here at B! tpoi! Industries, we seek to satisfy every customer according to their wealth and status, regardless of alignment.
That said, we do have more difficulty stocking good dungeons with monsters. I hope you don't mind puzzles and traps!
>>13303810
It is always a pleasure to find a customer that takes security seriously.

>>13303827
Your mighty five story tower will be the talk of the land for many miles around.

Can you give me a quote on a mastercrafted obsidian fortress suspended between a water lake below, and a lake of magically suspended lava above?

As a powerful demilich looking to ascend to godhood at some point in the near future, I'm looking to buy a particularly awe inspiring property to become my new dread fortress. The old tower on the mountain just isn't cutting it anymore.

Also, do you do standalone minion hire and DIY trap kits?

Do you have any rental property? My last two sons were killed just before they could come home to Gehenna, and
I'd like this brood to have more secure lodgings than the last.

>>13303840
(Engineers General Warning: "Lil conqueror" class towers are not fireproof)

Good sir, I have been sent as an agent of my master, who cannot yet enter this realm of existence. What form of temples might you be able to offer this cause, that my glorious master may enter into this plane? I will require something secure, but near an ample supply of sacrifices, and preferably with a non-Euclidean horror's comfort in mind.

>>13303830
Those are just fine! This stronghold must be on the borders of one of the Nine Hells. I will be needing space for all the uh.. surveying equipment.
Demonic incursions will be a constant.

As to payment.. I have taken the liberty of removing the records of some of your more.. unwholesome.. dealings from the Celestial realm.
For the greater good.
Will this be a problem?

>>13303867
Ah, you're looking for Behold! the power of home-improvement! Industries, one of our subsidiaries. I'll connect you. As to you're locale - hmm, we don't have that one on stock. Let me scout out a location suitable and get back to you in a couple of days? I'm sure we'll find just the place.
>>13303885
I'm afraid we do not rent. We are a strictly buy-only company. If you wish to sublet, I suggest you contact a dungeon owner near you. We cannot provide a list of buyers, however - that would be a serious security breach.

>>13303934
That will do nicely. I'll send along an imp shortly.
>>13303932
Oh my, you're in luck. We've got an "incursion"-class location just in today. We'll have it cleared and prepared. Please submit holy symbols with our attendants - we'll have them up and glowing by the time your master arrives to devour all things, you can count on it!

If a drawfag would draw a shopkeeper beholder, I would be very happy. Can't offer anything in return except the entertainment provided by this thread.

>>13304001
somebody give this man his beholder. this thread is full of win

>>13303937
That is unfortunate. Do you have any recommendations for other options? I'm looking at a level of awe between "Pant wetting" and "Comatose on sight". Money isn't really a concern, so throw whatever you have at me.

>>13303932
>non-Euclidean horror
Nicely worded, you could also say "someone designed on the principles of fractal beauty".

>>13304059
Well, I've always been a fan of the infinite plane of void with a massive throne structure that nevertheless seems to dominate the infinite void with a glowing eldritch light and strange energies, but that's just my taste. I've got two of those - one in INFINIPINK, a limited release color from before time, guaranteed to drive almost all mad upon sight. Sadly, to the strong mind, it is merely glowy pink. The other is in standard night sky motif - a classic, and one that looks good with ANYTHING.

>>13304001
note to self don't draw at 1AM

keep going good sir

>>13304139
yaaay

>>13304139
oh hey forgot to remove that one sketch line
Here have a cleaner version, good sir.

Archived already? Its fun entertaining you fa/tg/uys. I'll keep going until I go to sleep, but dammit the shop needs customers.

>>13304100
To be honest, I'm not down with the whole insanity thing. I want people to drop to their knees and cry at the majesty of my fortress, and that's difficult if they're too insane to care.

Do you think the classic void would still be good, or do you have any other suggestions?

>>13304222
As I said I'm a fan of the classic void. I just don't think you can go wrong with the majesty of all creation. Really show's em how humble they are next to you, I think.

>>13304247
Very well then. Do you take check?

>>13304294
Signed in blood or ink, yes.

WHAT DO YOU OFFER IN TERMS OF STRONGHOLDS FOR DEITIES?

>>13304314
We can make angband look smalltime, sir. It... it will not be cheap though.

what do you offer for those currently.... lacking... in resources? do you offer pay-over-time contracts? a right bunch of adventurers came through and stole everything not bolted down!

>>13304311
Very good. How much does the classic night sky void fortress come to, including all the frills and ribbons?

>>13304413
I prefer not to discuss prices out of the office, if you'll just follow Imp number twenty seven, he'll sort out the paperwork.

>>13304444
Your salesman has contacted me, and I'm happy to say that I have inspected the property and wish to purchase it.

I believe the imp said that this will cover it?

If you happen to perform contract constructions on a monolithic scale I am in need of a stronghold from which to administer a conquered world.

So I MUST have something that can give pause to meddlers who have the power or resources to travel here from other planes or worlds.

A design preference would be traditional Evil Fortress but on a mountainous scale.

Also do you offer the services of armies? Preferably something unexpected or exotic, they'll probably come expecting Fiends, undead, or goblinoids.

>>13304402
I'm afraid we do not offer credit. Its so hard to get the dead to pay up. You can always sell your soul!

I am a newly immortal warlock/necromancer. I'm looking for something to really scream "Big bad evil guy" so I can lure in adventurers, (hopefully) slaughter them and raise them as my undead minions.

Maybe near a town, so I can pick up some fresh vegetables on shopping days. Can you help me?

big bad kolbodd luking 4 big dunjen 2 trap poony advinturs. kan pay inn shynee stuf

Hey, uh, yeah. So I don't know if this is what you guys do here or not, but, uh, a couple hunnerd years ago, I was summoned to the material plane by this witch. It was a kind of standard short-term body-swap-with-a-certain-child contract-- I took possession of her 13th kid, whateva, it was fine-- but things went wrong when the stupid witch (witha 'b', if you catch my drift) went and got herself killed by the idiot locals. Well, okay, then I have no way back to my home dimension, and I'm starving! I try not to attract the attention of the natives, but some mook with a fuckin' cannon shoots at me as soon as fly out of the woods and start searchin for some livestock to feast on! Since then, they've been blamin' me for all kindsa shit, it's been going on since like 1735 local calendar. I'll I've done is take a few cattle, sheep, whateva, and every time, like every FUCKIn' TIME some coyote or fox grabs a chicken, anytime some pervert up and snatches a kid, anytime some farmer rapes his favorite goat during a drunken bender (and they are ALWAYS having drunken benders here), guess who gets blamed? Yeah, that's right. In the mean time I gotta defend my shit-hole of a cave from black bears that wanna hibernate or have rough bear-sex, or the occasional curious park ranger or overly-zealous whacked-out FBI agent! I don't even like this damn cave! So I guess what I'm lookin' for is some sort of dimensional sanctuary. In return, I don't have much...on THIS plane. I do have my reputation as one of the continent's biggest "urban legends" (And don't even get me started on that, I live in the fuckin' woods for Crissakes!)

>>13304606
We need at least a month on death-star class projects, but otherwise they're no problem!
>>13304671
One graveyard special, not a problem.
>>13304690
A junior's first dungeon, then?

>>13304354

THE STARS WILL FAIL AND THE MOON WILL BE DEAD WHEN I RETURN THROUGH THE DOORS OF NIGHT.

HAVE THIS PLACE READY FOR ME.

I'm looking for something entirely made out of crystal. I'd like it to be a gigantic slab with "FUCK YOU" on it, and lots of fiery pinwheels. And I'd like a gigantic fist atop it with a single raised middle finger, with the dungeon inside the fist and slab. Oh, and I'd like it to fire beams of energy.

Oh, yeah, and I'd like it parked right outside the Citadel of Pelor. Is that going to be a problem? I'm paying in souls, but I have an awful lot of enslaved celestials too.

>>13304802
Reputations are, sadly, not a fungible form of currency. Fungus is, ironically. We can do a sanctuary plane on a good budget, but depending on your plane's zoning laws we may not actually be able to operate. Write to your local planar representative if you'd like that changed.

>>13304855
I've got just the thing. We've got the blue prints from our Dorf Mountain project, from when they wanted the shadow of the mountain to appear as a urinating dorf over the holy elvish forest. Much laughter and drinking after that one, I must say.
>>13304846
Sir we can accommodate nearly any schedule, but we do expect to be paid after you've emerged and consumed all things.

>>13304867
Funny you should say that. I've been stock-piling fungus for over 250 years. Various species, many poisonous, and thousands of specimens. I know, I know it's an odd hobby-- But there's not much else for a chimaeric devil displaced from his home plane to do in North Jersey. So whattaya got in the way of trans-dimensional sanctuaries that you think would fit my needs?

>>13304926
Again it all comes down to zoning laws. We really aren't allowed to even exist in your plane, i'm terribly sorry. Contact Azathoth if you'd like that to change. Until then its out of my hands... er... eyestalks.
Anyway, it seems like you'll easily be able to afford it once the laws have been changed.

Okay, listen. I've got kind of a tricky issue here, and I was wondering if you guys could help.

See, the old king? Everybody loved him, except, you know, the people that he was king of. So me, getting a wild hair up my ass, decided that I really wanted to just sit around and collect taxes all day. So I overthrew him. ...And kind of accidentally the whole castle at the same time.

But, see, I might be greedy, and maybe a touch lazy, but I realized, hey, I ain't gonna get as much taxes if folks are starving, right? So I'm working to re-up the kingdom, you know? Make it look all nice and shit. The issue, though, is that since everybody was pretty much starving to death under King Good Foreign Relations, I don't got jack good for soldiers. So I gotta... ahem... entice adventurers to come into the kingdom and take out all the nasties that have popped up.

Anyway, here's my problem. I need a new castle, one that'll make adventurers think that I'm Stupid Evil, not Lawful Evil. That way, they come and clear shit out and I don't have to pay them for them doing good deeds. But at the same time, I don't want the dudes and dudettes that I rule over to be scared of me. Shit, I do that, the next bastard is gonna come up and axe me.

You got anything for a guy who wants good PR with his own folks, but bad short-term PR with other nations, with an eye towards improving it once his nation's infrastructure is stabilized?

>>13304826
no i hav manee dunjins but stoopid adventoors tayke things. biggoldd the bestest kolbod !thats mee wants sumtheeng they no take

>>13304910
Do as I bid; and if thou hunger still when all is done, then I will give thee whatsoever thy lust may demand. Yea, with both hands.

>>13304910
Sounds great. Is there a way we could make it magnify things, too? I'd like to be able to moon the entire citadel and have it clearly visible to all looking in the direction of the penis exte- er, 'dungeon'.

Also, should you find yourselves short on staff or minions or even sacrifices, the kind folks at Dima Dozen Ind. will be more than willing to lend a hand for the right price.

We have workers for every occation, every location, every species, and every king's needs!

Not only are we the number one bulk troop supplier, we're also branching out into Life Ensurance and Mercenary Teams!

With Life Ensurance, death is no longer the end. You'll be back on your feet in a new body in no time!

"Dima Dozen Ind. For all your lackey needs!"

>>13304955
Oh man - the signposts alone - we will have a lot of fun with this one, let me tell you. Would you like a gygax-class dungeon with lots of two-way viewers so you can observe the hijinx.
>>13304961
Well, we've got a nice safe and a two-way portal with password-key combo for practically nothing. It should suffice for kobolds, I suppose.
>>13304977
Sir, I don't like your tone. You are a customer. We strive to please the customer, we do not strive to worship or fear them. We may be doing your work, but we are mere subcontractors working for your actual followers.

>>13305039
You can find their pamphlet over there in the corner. I reccomend them for the whole "legions of the damned/holy/whatever" you have in mind. Very good quality for mooks. I understand they're branching out into second-in-commands soon, too.

>>13305039
I need golems, thousands of them.

They need to be durable enough to last for upwards of 10,000 years in stasis, and be capable of defeating a level 15 adventurer upon activation.

Which kind do you recommend, and how much would they cost?

Also, scavenger golems would be nice as well.

>>13305057
Oh, campaign idea: all the second-in-commands/men-behind-the-men in the world are secretly part of one organization... that actually rules the world.
>>13304994
Sir, I like your sense of humor. Also, yes.

>>13305040
thank yew i bring shinees soon! stuupids not find thees ones i hide in poop

Good sir, I would like a dungeon made from the finest adamantine, so strong and beautiful it makes all the dwarves who see it weep upon sight.

>>13305040
Oh, hell yeah! Just, you know, make sure it's nice and soundproofed. It's fun and all when you're in the mood, but when you're having court with the peasants, the screams can get to you, yeah?

Oh, right! And another thing! Can I get the main stuff, you know the stuff I live in and what the peasants will see, can I get it looking nice? Like, yeah, I'm royalty now nice? But not too nice! Like... I dunno... I'm a worthy ruler, but I'm not squandering your money level of nice. But it's gotta be able to be upgraded later, you know? Make a good face with the peasants now, and then when they think I'm the cat's meow, I can renovate so that I feel like I'm really living the life.

You... Um, do servants come with this deal, or am I going to have to look elsewhere? Because the old servants, they kind of went when I collapsed the old castle.

>>13305068
We do constructs to order, but not usually to that scale... I think we may be able to work with Dima Dozen Ind. to give you what you ask for.
That sort of quality will not come cheap, though. You're looking at a continent for an order of this magnitude if you want it done properly with matching dungeon(s) to hold them all. Do you have any continents on your planet you aren't using?

Hello, I finished the research for the trap you commissioned. The exploding rune trap you wanted that only activates when walked over by something larger than a halfling? If you need some other type connected to the size category sensor, I can oblige. It's easy to plug into any o-

Oh.. you're with clients. My apologies. I'll return later.

>>13305116
They'll be suspended in a planar bubble which I have prepared in advance.

Again, payment is a non-issue. I have so many souls left over from my escapades in the next plane over that I barely know what to do with them all.

>>13305114
One of our fine engineers will work with you. I'll send you Arghoothorlth, he specializes in castles. Don't bother trying to pronounce his name, most people call him Achoo anyway.
>>13305109
Not a problem! How will you be paying today?

>>13305040
BALROGS WILL APPROACH YOU WITH PROPER SETTLEMENT.
DO YOU TAKE PAYMENT IN THE CORPSES OF ELVES AND MEN?

>>13305142
Oh my! Forgive me, I underestimated your personal wealth, sir. You mortals are all so... variable in that regard. You are mortal, aren't you? I can never tell.
>>13305129
Melinda! Thank goodness! Could you mind the register for a moment? If the kobold comes back in, don't accept anything he pays you with until he washes it first with hot water and soap.

>>13305143
Awesome! Now, what's this gonna cost me? I got quite a bit saved up...

>>13305039
Psst. What kind of non-monster minions do you have? And do you got any of Neutral alignment? None of that Chaotic bullshit, and they all have to be mentally stable.

>>13305150
Gold...

>13305150
I've got some necromancers who would love corpses of elves and men. That will do nicely. Pleasure doing business with you!

>>13305185
Diamonds...

>>13305196
Jewels...

>>13305203
and souls.

Many, many souls.
Fresh. Pure.

>>13305184
Souls are common, but precious metals or rare artifacts are also accepted.

>>13305217
How about a black dragon I got? Gotta get him off my hands before he ends up betraying me or killing all my peons. Right now, though, he's trustin' me pretty hardcore. Wait, hold on...

...Oh. Sorry, apparently SHE'S trusting me pretty hardcore. Uh, you know. Never appeared as a human, and she... How the hell can you tell the male and female dragons apart just by lookin' at 'em? Their voices are all deep and shit, that's not a good clue.

>>13305233
I'm afraid I can't help you there. But dragons are a currency on at least half a dozen planes, last time I checked. Plus, they make pretty good engineers if you can train out the horde instinct. So yes, we'll take him. Her. Lizard thing.

>>13305196
Just gave me a stupid impulse...

Hello villians.

Look at your lair, now back to me; now back at your lair, NOW BACK TO ME!

Sadly, it isn't from me, BUT if you stopped hiring skeletons with no intelligence and switched to The Dungeon Shop, you could...lounge...like you're me.

Look down, look up. Where are you? You're in a tower, with the lair planner your lair planner could be like.

What's in your hand? Back at me; I have it. It's that artifact to that evil thing you love. Look again. The artifact is now diamonds! Anything is possible when you switch over to lairs from The Dungeon Shop and not Lair Emporium.

I'm on a Beholder.

>>13305057
>>13305039

I have need for a new second in command soon.
My former Lieutenant was draconic in nature, and his.. appetites led him to a bad end.

Another Dragon would be nice. Nothing quite like making an entrance on dragon-back.
but I am willing to entertain suggestions.

>>13305256
Awesome. This is now Dungeon Shop's ad campaign.

>>13305172
No, I made the jump to demilich a few beeks ago, in fact.

So, are you able to oblige my order of 3500 mithril golems, and do I get a bulk discount?

>>13305212
>>13305286
Now sir, will that be acceptable?

>>13305281
Well, /tg/, I'm off to sleep like I should have been 4 hours ago. I'm glad you all found this so amusing, and maybe I'll continue it some other day!
As it is, I've thoroughly enjoyed doing this for you. Don't ever change, /tg/!

>>13305304
Tyrael and Melkor named Morgoth here, thanks for all the fun!

Zarkoth, I would recommend War, Blade, or (if I may be so bold) Foggy Golems for the task. Easy to use, high level, and if you're feeling particularly "fuck 'em all" on an occasion.
Cost? You will have to talk to the numbers guys about that, but I'm guessing more than what you put into the building they'll be housed in.

Anon # 13305184, Straight Neutral npcs is what we thrive in! You, of all "people", should know that. But if you need a specific mind set such as Lawful or Beligerent or even Hippy, we can abide.

this thread was really good

This was a good read, good job /tg/.