Also
>sound and hearing

I caught it after I posted.

I'd say roll with it. See what your DM does with this.

So did your character ever have a wife? In your backstory?

Be happy my friend. Though imaginary, you now are in the first and possibly last romantic relationship you will ever be in.

Take better care of her.
You know, polish her more often, use a better quality oil, etc.
Don't tell the other characters.
Possibly name her Sasha.

I like this idea, OP. Can you put the point of the pata around a corner and see through it's "sight." That could be useful. Don't "cheat" on your weapon with another. I could see that become a Venom vs. Peter sort of thing. No good.

>>8496651
No, he left his home village when he was 15 or so. Had a brother who was a mercenary, always idolized him, and decided to take up the job in his name when his brother came home on his shield. My character also invented the pata in-game, because the GM decided nobody ever made one before, so he's pretty much unique to the setting.

Pun time? Develope a "Martial/Marital love routine" together with your wife.

Find moar swords too. Your long-term goal should be to have a wife made of swords for the fuck of it.

>>8496609

Accuse her of cheating on you with the scabbard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwBrpVW7TKc
:37

>>8496668
Aha, it's funny because I'm on /tg/.
>>8496669
I already took care of her rather well. I'll probably name her something, but I don't know what yet.
>>8496685
Didn't plan on it, and I do see the functionality of it.

Blade + Anus = Femdom?

is it played for comedy or is it serious? play it for laughs and enjoy the RPing

>>8496723
No.

>>8496723

She wants to be inside you, OP.

>>8496727
Relatively serious, though the tone isn't exactly grimdark. Could be fun I suppose, having a romantic partner that's a weapon.

MAI WAIFU

This will be your future waifu made of swords. It will be awesome.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

>>8496744
>>8496723
Are we going to do this? Is this being done? A thread about sexually impaling yourself?

next time the party enters an inn or pub order a drink for you and a drink for her

>>8496712
Name it Vera. And acquire a cunning hat.

>>8496773
"I'll have an ale and a... What, honey? A hot cloth and some oil of clove.

>>8496685
He said it sees through his senses. Won't work.

FUCK IT AND MAKE IT PREGNANT AND HAVE IT GIVE BIRTH TO A DAGGER SO YOU CAN DUAL WIELD YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER AT THE SAME TIME

>>8496779
Jayne reference wins it, Vera it is.

And I already have a cunning hat, though it isn't THAT cunning.

>>8496790
and then spend your nights oiling them up

at the same time


aawwwwwwwww yeah

>>8496669
>>8496712
If "she" is intelligent, she probably already has a name.

>>8496785
Yeah, but she is more observant than me. She can make spot/listen/search checks while I'm doing them. :3

>>8496805
She just became intelligent at the end of the last session. If she hasn't named herself I'm calling her Vera.

>>8496800

PATERNAL DAGGER GREASING

Planning for the very distant future, check out Weapons of Legacy.
See if you can work in Dancing and have her guard your back.

You are now picturing your character cuddling your pata.

Hopefully he has the wisdom to sheathe it before this.

... So... This sword is a Pata... A sword-gauntlet, right?

Meaning you fist her every time you draw her? Christ, no wonder she wanted to get married after that kind of treatment.

She was such a traditional girl before you came along, too. The loss of innocence... Sigh...

>>8496819

>work in Dancing
>guard your back.

Oh I can think of more than one use for dancing if you know what I mean

>>8496831
Usually I fist her and then lock her in place. Also I created her, so does that mean she has an Elektra complex?

>>8496609
Polymorph Any Object.

>>8496842

Oh fuck me, that's right. I forgot you're also her father. YOU SICK FUCK!

I'm surprised at you /tg/

no one has suggested that op get genderswapped via magic and crotch grind on that sword for delicious cross-matter lesbian sex

SWORD ON HUMAN TRIBADISM NIGGERS

>>8496857
Oh come on there is no way this is going to end reasonably.

Go on an epic side-quest to polymorph your sword into a woman.

>>8496712

My sword was named Varscona.

I wonder if tg knows where its from.

>>8496857
that's disgusting.
To OP:
It's an interesting concept, I want to hear more of this. The incest things are a thing you could bring up. Fun times for all involved.
Also backseat fighting. I hope she's not a nagger.

Hey, sexy. Why don't you come experience what the wild side has to offer.

just turn the hilt into a fleshlight :3

as long as we're on an intelligent sword tangent.

I'm making a sword for my campaign which is half snake, as in the sword can become a snake, or can become a snake with a handle to swing.

Should I give the sword a bite attack with poison for the swing or a constrict attack that deals weapon damage?

>>8496868
and lo, the tale of Sir Fuckstab, who didst marry a blade, with which he found many a pleasing form with the aid of the polymorph spell.

Just because it's your wife doesn't mean it has to be a sexual relationship, honestly.

I know you probably already realize this, even though intimacy is a big part of a marriage, it doesn't have to be sexual. You two could learn to work better on the battlefield. The sword's love could have blossomed from the energy and time you put into crafting it, and realized you treasured it as a possession, and now it treasures you, although the only known form of affection the sword understand is that of husband and wife. Which could be why it chose to say it was married to you.

So will this create a new and possibly disturbing aspect of your character if you happen to, say, learn how to swallow swords?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sword_swallowing

>>8496874
>that's disgusting

FEMININE JUICES ALL LUBING IT UP

MAYBE A TELEPATHIC LINK THAT STRENGTHENS ITSELF TO THE POINT THAT OP DISCOVERS THE SWORD ORGASMS EACH TIME IT GETS STABBED DEEPLY INTO AN OPPONENT THEN THEY COME TOGETHER EACH TIME AFTER PARTICULARLY GRUESOME KILLS

>>8496875
Dude, don't go with that crowd. Stay at home and be a hardworker instead. You know you're just going to end up on the bottom of a dragons lair to be tossed aside for a party of wizards.
Farmers are where it's at. Not as glamorous but you get to serve your call.

>>8496881
BITE WHILE YOU SMITE!

>oglaf.jpg

>>8496874
She's in love with him, but we haven't suggested sexual attraction to be involved. More than likely it's a more innocent sort of love you imagine a child thinks of when they think of people getting married.

The idea of him being her 'father' is likely unimportant to her: The taboo of incest stems from a lack of genetic mixing, and since she lacks genetic material or the desire to breed, it makes sense she'd not have an incest taboo.

>>8496609
Make it your quest to transform her into woman. Then you can make her your wife for reals. Or get a wizzard to give her the ability to polymorph.

1. Get your Wife-Sword this scabbard
2. ???
3. GODDAMIT YOU TWO GET A ROOM.

... tempted to write fan fiction about sword some guy has on /tg/.

Have never felt lower, or more aroused by the idea of a fucking sword.

Your wife shall be in ye style, only with swords.

VIBRATING CLOCKWORK SCABBORD THAT SHARPENS THE SWORD AND ACCORDING TO IT FEELS LIKE A MILLION ROUGH TONGUES THAT HURT SO GOOD

>>8496901
That's a pretty accurate notion.

It also makes having a romantic relationship more fun in character, since there's not exactly a lot of room for those awkward moments when a player tries to get his character laid.

Why, hello there. I'll be seeing you next game.

>>8496919
Sword handle in ass while masturbating

If character is male, strap it on to dick. Wield your weapon.

If female, put on strapon, and strap it on to that. Wield it as well.

>>8496923

do it faggot

make the sword the one who seduces him

milf-sword

DO IT

Does further work at smithy now count as domestic abuse?

>>8496945
I'd rather fight you bare-fisted, you grimy faggot.

>>8496945


Oh god.
OP, if your DM is a magnificent bastard for encouraging rp, be prepared for this.
Dont let Vera go.

>>8496960
I figure if he's fixing or improving her at the smithy it would be more like a massage or something. Goes in complaining that her scratches and imperfections are ugly, comes out relaxed and admiring herself.

Since the sword sees through the character's eyes, does she mind him looking at other women?
"You were looking at her ass."
"No I-"
"Yes you were!"
"OK I was! But I can't wield her in combat! She can't replace you!"
"... Why do you look at the blacksmith's door?"
"Sigh."

Combat would be like the female unreal tournament announcer voice

As you keep killing, the sword's telepathic voice gets more and more "...nngggh...oh. Yes-nnnagh!"

>>8496970
I am. I have a backup kukri as standard-issue equipment and I'll use it as a decoy or the rust monster while the wizard blasts it with fire.

>pata
>sword-gauntlet

OP, find a rubber tree and make a masturbatory sleeve that fits inside the grip's internal cavity.

My god, why was that the first thing to pop into my head?

>>8496989


Good man.

>>8496979

Oh brave warrior, I feel firm and smooth.

I am oh so warm in my scabbard, its so hot in here. Let me out so that the sun may cast on my shiny metal body.

>>8496980
I'd suppose she might not understand it, or if she did she'd see it like how a man's human wife does when he looks at a weapon. As long as his emotions for her aren't challenged by his emotions for a sexual partner she'd probably just see sex as his 'dumb hobby'.

>>8496921

>>8496979

MORE LIKE SHE SOUNDS ODDLY RELAXED AFTER THE BLACKSMITH VISIT LIKE HE'S GOTTEN HER OFF WITH HIS SOOTY FIRM HANDS AND RHYTHMIC TOOLWORK

>>8496945
The campaign's BBEG. A Rust Monster.

And then, /tg/ developed a fetish for inanimate objects.

I wouldn't think the sword would be upset with him looking at other women. Just as a woman(who had some sense of reason) wouldn't mind you treasuring a certain personal belonging, I would think the sword would view him with a woman along the same lines.

It'll be all well and good until he walks into an anti-magic field and she loses her memories

>>8497015
My character is a smith. He'd be the one doing it.

>>8497019

>MY WIFE IS A SWORD, WHAT DO
Fuck her.
And have half-you half-sword with it.
Retire from adventuring.
And go live in a farm in a town you saved on the past.
DO IT FAGGOT!

>>8497031
D: Oh dear god that's tragic.

>>8497031
>supressed

>>8497032

"Take off your gloves. I want to...feel you."

>>8497032
You're a smith, but you're killing people with a sword instead of your hammer?

SHAME ON YOU.

If you don't love the sword IC bring up the fact that you're her father etc

>>8497045

So it essentially goes into a forced coma, as all the functions shut down. DRAMATIC RP TIME.

>>8497051
If I carried all my blacksmithing equipment everywhere it would be a waste. Besides, why get dirt and blood and grime on my hammer?

>>8497046

....oh god...yes...

...the hammer....

...harder....harder...

....its so hot.....yesssss....

Do you mind? I'm trying to concentrate?

As you wish my master...

OP better be using his pata the way it was intended to be.

>>8497041
if he disowned it would it become a bastard sword?

"You're so beautiful when I unsheathe you in the moonlight. I...I wish I could remember you like this forever."

"OH DADDY"

>>8497080

>>8497080
Badum-Tish

>>8497080
Pffffffffhahahahahahahah

this thread could teach /d/ a few things

>>8497076
OP here. I don't plan on the relationship being sexual. If she ever makes a comment towards wanting to be human, then I will use the first available opportunity to let her have the ability to become so.

Though if she can switch back and forth between forms, this would be ideal.

>>8497080
well played sir

well played indeed

>>8497112
>Though if I can switch her back and forth between forms at will, this would be ideal.

FTFY

>>8497095
>>8497104
>19:47
>19:48

>>8497110
No, not really.

>>8497121
I figure she'd cooperate with me enough to switch to her weapon form when I was in a fight or if we were in a dangerous area.

>>8497112

Well, I do hope your DM will take the Asian way, aka DEMON SWORD WAIFU after you've slaughtered enough creatures with it.

At 6th level, take the cohort feat and have your sword be your cohort.

Wiki says the Mughals built patas with matchlock pistols in them. You must buy your wife a new dress. And by new dress, I mean a fucking gun.

>>8497141
>she'd cooperate

you've clearly never known a woman.
If you don't control that shit, she'll refuse to transform so you can get your ass beat so she can prove a point

so guys what would their wedding rings be like

>>8497168
she'd get a fancy gold handguard

>>8497156

it would be funny if the things done to the sword would reflect the personality or physical polymorph appearance.

in other words, big hilt, big hips and ass or tits.

>>8497110
>>8497110
Why, /tg/, I'm surprised at you.

Maybe you're more interesting than I thought....

I think I may stick around...
Anyone up for a game of FATAL?

>>8497168

A ribbon around the hilt and his upper arm.

>>8497173

Mother of pearl + white silk sheath for the ceremony?

Polymorph Any Object.

Now you have a hot wife.

>>8497173
Pommel more like. golden handguard could lower her durability and usefulness which could be equalled to sexiness for swords.

oh god d

dwarf cleric as the priest for the wedding or no go

>>8497166
Actually I know some pretty agreeable women. It's all about knowing when to do as they say and when to provide a logical, reasonable argument for your disagreement. Over time you can get away with just about anything.

>>8497198

"Look at that slut. You can practically see inside her tang."

>>8497198
Well, you could just have a fancy gold pattern engraved in a ring around the handguard.

I'm just thinking a pommel wouldn't really be "ring"ish enough.

I like the mother of pearl scabbard idea from another anon

You're the only one who can hear it right? I get the feeling this is the start of the GM slowly sending your guy insane.

>>8497215
poon tang?

>>8497178
Gihihihihi

>>8497201
Of course.
>>8497198
I figured. I'd say making her simple, functional, and easily modified or repaired would make her a very comely, farmer's daughter sort of thing, while making her more ornate and intricate would make her have a more higher class look to her, though if it damaged her functionality it might blemish her appearance.

>>8497168

Chain of pearls for your beloved.

>>8497203
true

but those are real wimminz

not feminine swords whose peronality is mostly left to the whims of a DM.

Just saying, here there be monsters

Actually, we sort of had a plot hook like this once, with a falchion of Throwing and Returning that literally jumped into the fighter's empty scabbard while he was showing his old sword off to sell it and wouldn't let him get rid of it.

At night it turns into a brilliantly attractive female Drow who later explained that she was cursed to be a sword and just wanted to be free of the shopkeeper. She ended up having Dancing, Icy Blast, and a few other neat tricks... Though yeah, she was abusively tsundere towards the fighter that wielded her.

>>8497237
What if your wife was a Kopesh?

>>8497222
The weapon can communicate telepathically with anyone holding it. I tested my sanity when she started talking.

She did not approve of em handing her around and told me to never do it again.

oh god imagine the best man bringing up the scabbord or pommel piece of whatever the fuck

wait what does the sword do during the ceremony

>>8497203
That might work on some women. I find the really bitchy ones hilarious since I'm a bastard and quick thinking.
I argue my point and then alter it a little bit after each time we argue with new wording.
After 10 minutes of screaming I say "That's the point of it! That's Exactly what I want to do. Why do you make a fight out of this." Stare angrily and then apologise.
Wait until the day after, let her anger pass and then the guilt will set in. Call and apologise.
She'll do it. Without fail.

>>8497252
Then you get to wear the Apron.

>>8497252

Egyptian babe, hot.

>>8497265
"You may now draw the sword."

>>8497267
Clever anon.

>>8496609
hollow out the hilt

>>8497267

more like MAKE UP ARTIST am i rite

"Oh honey, I'm so glad you polymorphed me!"

>>8497252
Your wife is now a Falcata. What do you do?

>>8497284

And then a bunch of umber hulks breaks in and she gets stabbed into one of them pretty quick.

WHIRLWIND ROMANCE!

>>8497252

Unlimited beer works. She'd also prefer being dressed in really transparent clothes.

>>8497290
>pata
>hilt
Oh you.

>>8497112

Instead, have her turn into a woman with two daggers for herself to use and sword for you to use. You could be this tank swordy with a stealthy hot waifu dagger rogue watching your back.

counts as delicious trap?

ITT: Everyone gets their characters to have swordwives.

>>8497305
Kill some Romans? I don't fucking know, but she might be cheating on my with that Greek guy, I've seen him with a really similar sword from a distance.
Sure, he pretends he's married to Hasta, but when the shit gets tough, does he hold onto the spear? Hell no.

>>8497203

Never works when you factor in the guy IMPULSE ACTION thingy. Oooh shiny, buy. No logical excuse is gonna get past the fact that you just bought a 52" screen tv and wasted money.

>>8497315

kinky studded black leather scabbards

>>8497305
Falcatas chop like axes, stab like daggers, slash like short swords, and hack like longswords
celebrate

>>8497265
"I pronounce you man and blade, you may now kiss the blade"

>>8497340

My girlfriend and I haven't done anything exciting in a while.

I'm going to find out what she's doing tonight.

>>8497333
Counts as inferior to the Schiavona; the hot Italian Chick of swords. Look at that long blade, that buxom handguard...

>>8497340

STEAMY SWORDWIFE ONSEN SCENE

"OH GOD SORRY LADIES I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS THE WEAPONS AREA *Stabstab* ARARRAGH"

>>8497346
Discuss that if she lets you use your money on the expensive TV, she gets to use the television as well and that now she has ammo to use against me if she ever uses our money to buy a whole bunch of clothes and shoes and shit she wants but doesn't need, because if I can afford to buy a huge TV I'm obviously smart enough to realize that she deserves something too.

>>8497389

/tg/ - relationship advice and sword fucking

>>8497398
We are the king of boards.

I regard this as an awesome DM gambit to fuck you up. NEVER ACT WARMLY TO A FEMALE NPC.

Next step is hallucinating a mental image of her as a people.
That hangs onto your arm all the time when she's being wielded.

>>8497375
Schwiezersabel was here, curves are superior.

>>8497406


Truly.

9 months later...

>>8497416
>>8497375
So, is a claymore a giantess then?

HEY BOYS

>>8497333
What the fuck is that and how is it a trap at all.

>>8497429

was going to ask that.

I bet claymores snoo snoo like amazons.

screw dying in a dungeon, I'm dying of a crushed pelvis.

>>8497346
Compare money she spends on things like shoes and what not. Ask if you're ever going to sue shoes. Now she's going to interrupt, don't stop keep talking, quieter even. And then ask if she's going to look at the TV.

It's not a perfect solution but dealing with loud voices is easier than someone who whispers when yelled at. Keep it cool her of balance and you're the man in the house.

I'm the same anon as >>8497267
sadly my problem is that since my girl is as bitchy as she's smart she's caught on. And now we whisper when we argue. My friends find this shit hilarious.

>>8497429
A Claymore is that chick who might be some sort of Scott, is inexplicably as tall and strong as you are, dumb as a sack of hammers, never learns from her mistakes, but you love her anyway because her appeal is just so easy to see.

so which weapon would have the smokey wine-rich bitchy russian accent?

Frigid German Bitch here. Prepare to have your face torn off if you suggest tipping the waiter.

>>8497429
I was going to mention that.

Claymore. Really tall (though not freakishly so), very fit woman. Could use *you* as a club.

forget claymore

get those oriental horse slayer weapons

asian musclechick giantess

OP.

Continue this onto a sidequest to polymorph her into a human. At that, do not wield another sword. Instead, she becomes a sort of master of all blades (as she is of course, a weapon on human form) and thus, knows exactly what to do with a weapon.

She then fights for you and you learn to cast spells n shit to watch her back. Together, you'll make an awesome duo.

BRO TIP GUYS

RAPIERS ARE HIGH MAINTENANCE

NO JOKE

>>8497468
Probably the Pallasch. Every Russian and Pole on Earth will kill you if you suggest it, though.

>>8497499
The Smallsword is a wallflower waif.

>>8497468
Khanjali.

>>8497485
Just wait for someone to run into your quarters while you're sexing her up and dispel magic on her.

>Schwiezersabel was here
>curved.

batmanlaughs.jpg

wait until /tg/ starts feminising guns

we will probably need a new thread for that

Katana is an elitist bitch. She's loving if you worship her, but YOU BETTER WORSHIP HER GODDOMOT.

She probably isn't any better than her "crude" sister Bastard Sward-tan though.

Behold: The low maintenance cheap date. Not very imaginative once you get into the thick of things, but she does her part.

These are the threads that make me love you guys

>>8497522
Hey, a gentle curve is better than those fucking Scimitars. Damn, those bitches just let themselves go.

>>8497525

I THINK /k/ BEAT US TO THAT ONE BY, LIKE, A LOT.

What would being in a romantic relationship with Nightmare's sword be like?

>>8497514

I have your yandere wallflower smallsword wife right here. Take good care of her, encourage her and she will KILLKILLKILLMAIM.

Swordcane is the classiest lady there is

>>8497555
Scimitars and falchions: the lesbian sword-tans?

>>8497564
Ask Tira

Finally, a woman you can take somewhere serious and not worry about her being out of her element.
My Pollax baby loves a good scrap, doesn't she shnookie?

>>8497568

Pillow sword is a true waifu.

>>8497559

"I'd fuck that panzerschreck. Just spoon up against it and ram it repeatedly while I pull back on the strap and call it a filthy german whore."

I'm surprised we don't have a drawfag coming up with weapon-tans yet.

What would a gunblade's personality be like?

>>8497616
Retarded asspie.

>>8497566
I don't know anything about swords, but that is one cute sword.

>>8497564
Oh god.
Horrible.

>>8497564
Most likely. that's part of the /d/ horrors.
Unrealistic and fetish-fuel. A symbiosis that makes you love it as you exchange body functions with each other while you wade through enemies in a haze of love.

>>8497611
Because assholes keep spamming all the drawfag threads for some reason

>>8497591
Kinky bitch. I'll bet you two like to go out to battlefields, corner some poor kid whose never held a pike before, and just destroy him.

A sentient kukri would potentially be the most insane thing ever. She would be protective, yes, but so much as pick up another weapon and she will snap out of your hand and split you from collarbone to coccyx. Also, it would start tweaking your mind and pushing you toward every combat possible.

>>8497625
Honestly, this sounds wonderful.

>>8497601
AK-47's are rough-and-ready, dirty tarts. They'll let you do whatever you want to them, over and over, but don't expect it to be particularly pleasent.

This is my waifu, she has DATASS and she's a nature's girl who loves hiking and hacking at trees.

>>8497626
The evil younger sister of the Falcata, except her boyfriend is a fucking Gurkha. Falcata always knew how to find nice Spanish boys who never got into any trouble.
Except with those mean Romans and their preppy Gladius whores.

>>8497591
>>8497625
>>8497639

WHY DID THIS GIVE ME AN ERECTION

FUCK

Mai waifu.

>>8497654
You are one of us now.

>>8497564

>>8497654
Because the Poleaxe is secretly the woman that everybody wants?

>>8497659

I bet she tastes spicy down there

Melt her down, turn her into a Steel golem, polymorph to stone, stone to flesh. You just made yourself a wife. Flesh and blood, and VAGIIIIINAAAAAAAAA.

You sir, win the game.

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK

>>8497681

>missionary position propaganda

humanoid is pig disgusting

>>8497616

Either LEEEROY JENKINS-style Adventurer or Princess who never got out of the house.
There's some decend wifes out there too, but you better like a women with a massive ass and a squirter.

>>8497687
BERZERKER

>>8497648
Well, the blame goes to environment. She has so much spunk, though, and that damn Gurkha loves her. I can't help but feel that she could do better, though. I mean, look at her cousin, Karabela. She at least has the sense of mind to stick around royalty.

Ignore the guy, that was just business. That's my baby right there.

>>8497711
So she's a show-whore for fatties?

>>8497643
Wow, what is this weapon?
I fancied myself a connoisseur of medieval weapons, but I've never seen this before.

It resembles a katana, but the construction is more down to earth and simple. It doesn't even have a tip. Kind of like a katana with less of its pretentiousness and popularity. Is this a different weapon entirely?

You are now imagining those trick slide out knives on shoes as cheerful lolis

>>8497659

Your waifu will punch everyone who threatens you and flies around invisible. You've got yourself a pretty cool wife there.

Spiked shields like to cuddle
<3

>>8497711
>Implying roman's had arms made of rigid wood
>Implying the Falx wasn't a piece of shit weapon

>>8497745
>roman's

>>8497678
She fucks like a tiger.

I dated a switchblade back in high school, too. It's a shame she was so undependable. Only got to see her on the rarest of occasions but god damn she was good.

To make the character-sword relationship more complex for you playing: The character longs to turn his weapon into a woman, to give her freedom and such. But, as they grow the character begins to wonder if the sword, with its greater wisdom and perception, would outshine him as a warrior or something. So a mixture of love, devotion, but personal fears and insecurities.

What if you were this awesome blacksmith, you invent a weapon, master it, and are generally a powerful warrior, but who is outshone by the weapon he's created once she's given human form and is like the equivalent of a Valkyrie- not a warrior but a spirit of war?

How does a mortal compare?

>>8497728

Owner kicks out with the boot at the villain's face. He smirks, seeing that the tip will miss him by inches. Time slows down.

A wickedly sharp blade pops out. Just as the glint hits his eyes:

"WEEE I'M HELPING!!...OH BOY BLOOD!"

>>8497745
Hey, I love Rome as much as the next guy, but it's true. They redesigned their armoring scheme and everything because that weapon was a sonofabitch.

>>8497720
>Wow, what is this weapon?

A Dha, contiental South East Asia - Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia ect.

Mortuary Sword, an upper class, refined yet deadly English woman, with shitloads of repressed sexuality waiting to explode all at once.

Classy and lethal.

>>8497745
With a weapon like that, assuming a non-rigid arm, you'd be able to royally fuck someone's day up if you got proper distance on them. Assuming that it is being used smart, behind the defense of another shield. you could rip the opposing soldier's guard wide open or use the force of the swing to crush down the top of their guard and pick their shoulder.

>>8497720

swiss army knife just wants a man who can see past her appearance :(

>>8497769
Oh god I saw it all in perfect detail.
>>8497766
By adoring her for her perfection. By orchestrating their wills as a combined, perfected engine of battle and becoming better through her and because of her, while teaching her any and all he can of the matters of life outside the battlefield. With time, love and practice, they would become not only masters or war, but masters of all things.

>>8497797
She has extra "tools" that both sexes can enjoy.

>>8497720

>swiss army knife

Swiss Army waifu is moe. She can do everything and she tries so hard, but she's really not good at anything but small tasks.

Retool the handle as a fleshlight.

in my setting, there is a race of outsider shapeshifters that can change aspect and attain weapon form (any weapon).

one of these outsiders has a crush for one of the characters and after years of stalking smuggled herself in the inventory of the player as a gift from the sexy girl.

one time he tryed to scry the girl, but he couldn't pass the defenses (as the player himself was under area spells that provided the party protection from scrying)

later, he somehow guessed the thing out of character... but it was fun.

>>8497778
>>8497720
Yeah, beat me to it.
Another common name for is Banshe. It's a pretty universal sword design in SE Asia.
Some of the Classical Lanna-era Cambodian ones are big as fuck, almost like polearms, and heavily ornamented. (see pic)

ATN OF 5, BITCH!

>>8497389
wait wait wait
you can afford a big screen TV so that makes you smart?

>>8497834

>>8497869
No, I'm smart so I can consider to not blow over 50% of my expendable liquid assets on a fucking TV.

I happen to like big girls who were designed for playing with horses... Mmmmmm. Innuendo.

oh god, i just clicked into thsi thread without considering the implications and now i can't leave it

>>8497894
Welcome to /tg/

I'm thinking this needs an archive.

I cannot think of anything more terrifying than a jealous sentient razor blade on the rag. I salute your DM and his long term troll. Enjoy never ever getting human pussy again.

>>8497622
I can just imagine Nightmare and his waifu sword right now...
HARMONY HARMONY HARMONY OOOOH LOVE!

FULL PLATE MAIL LADIES ARE ALL SHOTACONS

Bitches and Whores

>>8497911

Could be worse

It could be a blackguard's unholy avenger

who demands rough sex after each encounter

on top of the kills

>>8496960
no, personal trainer

>>8497919
Armor are male.
A parry is generally considered lesbian interaction but is not looked down upon.
Armor against armor is generally considered a bad move.

>>8497930

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A MONGREL AIN'T ONE

RAMIREZ, FETISHIZE EVERYTHING

>>8497720

Really, Dha come in such dazzling variety of blades and all because some king decided that THIS GENERATION WILL NOT NEED NO STABBY.

>>8497525
oho i think /a/ got there first

waterproof wrapping - swimsuits?

>255 posts and 48 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

Really? Jawsome.

I DEMAND MORE SWORD-WIFE UPDATES

>MY WIFE IS A SWORD, WHAT DO
Her husband's a key. Do what she's doing.
Find yourself an alchemist/powerful wizard/god/etc.

Force that summabitch to give her a body.
Have insane sex.

Kopis
petite but curvy

>>8497983
I ahve an exam tomrrow morning you fucker! I must leave since It's 3 in the morning here.

FUCK YOU /tg/ STOP HAVING INTERESTING THREADS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
COCKS

>>8497991
>Implying Paracelsus wants to have sex with A.B.A.
>Or that he wants a body

>>8497983

I for one am pre-anticipating the ARMOR HUSBANDO updates.

Delicious enchanted protective touching

>>8497949

OH GOD WHY DOES THAT MAKE PERFECT SENSE.

>>8497965
Holy shit. I love how that sword looks. No point, just glorious straight lines.

Problem, officer?

So /tg/ I had this idea for a magic sentient sword a couple weeks ago. The is that it acts more like a Trill Symbiont from Star Trek.
"The Symbiont took with it all memories of the previous Trill hosts. Upon joining, the new Trill host gained these memories."

The way I figured it each time the person using this sword leveled up the experience would be divided between the two. If the weilder was ever seperated from the sword that person would only have half of the levels he'd gained while using it. (To help with this users are advised to take 2 levels in anything they decide to level up in.)

The benefit to using the sword of course would be that a level 1 peasent could pick up the weapon and isntantly be a much higher level warrior. Useful if your caracter was killed off and their sword given to the next caracter they rolled.

>>8498022

the tip's like that so people won't stab each other accidentally!

>>8498046
This swordwaifu has scoliosis, a hunchback, and bad teeth.

>>8498015
>I for one am pre-anticipating the ARMOR HUSBANDO updates.

You're not gonna get the periode fashion jokes, but as you whish.

Kuma Husbando. When you absolutely need a husbando build like a bearded brickwall. He also likes bows and laces.

>>8498009
Who said anything about what Paracelus wants?

>>8497971
good evening ladies, i just need to ask some questions.

>>8498071
Well, Paracelsus, because he'll be able to kick the shit out of A.B.A. if he ever gets forced into a body.
Pic related, it's A.B.A. if she actually gets a body for him.
Upset as fuck and alone.

>>8497965
These Dha are awesome. There's so much variety just in the designs already made. I like the katana-shaped one, only it has a more ornate blade and a natural, thick hilt.

Man, the /k/ommando in me just loves these kinds of threads. Unhealthily so.

I wonder what Guts's sword would be like.

I liek mine tall and german...

>>8498015
>I for one am pre-anticipating the ARMOR HUSBANDO updates.

Looking for a bishounen white knight? Look no further. He might appear to be a bit cold at times, but try and look beyond that. He's a really nice guy.
The french version is what you're looking for if you like thin legs on your men.

>>8498091
Now you see, I'd be fucked if I was him, because that face makes me want to hug her.

Obviously: you must take this sword to a forge + anvil often, so that you may beat your wife into doing her job better.

>>8497991
>>8498071
>>8498091
Sauce?

>>8498102
Huge, angry, demanding, and always on the rag.

>>8498102
Imagine guts as a woman.

There you go.

>>8498091
Good point
I wonder what a rage faced human Paracelsus would look like.

>>8498131
Here, let me help.

>>8498127
Character's name is A.B.A., she's from Guilty Gear, the best fighting game ever made.
She's a golem but not a golem because I can't remember the word for some ungodly reason, Paracelsus is a demon that fucks shit up. She luuuurves him and he's concerned but not interested.
She's also dumb as a box of rocks and pretty annoying.

We herd you like deliciouse collarbones and intelligent conversations? The pick a Maximilan husbando. On top of being a true renaissance man, he might even come with the late gothic husbandos chivalry as a bonus.

Persian kard would be a sweet, traditional, conservative girl in public, but in private she'd be a wild chick with a fondness for hookahs.

>>8498102
Probably more calm than Guts, actually. Fuckhueg and strong, yes, but probably more of a pacifist. She empowers Guts, though, and can never say no to him.

>>8498143
Homunculus.

I would say Blazblue is better but that's just me.

These husbando are a bit rude, but they will beat people up to make you happy. In fact they insist on crushing your enemies in your name. They need lots of space to roam though, having an enclosed garden with apple trees, water and roses would be best and they are known to be sort of aggressive against muslims.

We've been married for a long while now.

>>8498169
Yeah, that.
Also
>BlazBlue
>Better
Yeah, that's just you.

>>8498060
You just have to be mean and pick on her flaws!

You are a nasty, horrible person!

Having male armor as a female would be difficult. They'd always be telling you how awesome your curves feel against them.

>>8497859
I love that long hilt design. Would marry it.

Call me a chubby chaser if you must...but I regret nothing! NOTHING!

>>8498188
Your wife is of doubtful heritage. I head she's been around too.

>>8498199
And a female sword would be moaning every time you thrust it.

>>8498214
Of course, the question is, how do you get the sword to pleasure you back?

Put the handle in your ass?

jungle fever

Unwieldy, strange-looking and shy. But possesses a fantastic backside, and always follows through.

She's sort of clingy and ragged and not that good-looking, but I truely love my wife.

>>8498253
Looks like more work than she's worth. You'd dump her for a slim, low profile dagger in no time.

>>8498185
DID SOMEBODY SAY MUSLIMS!?

>>8498192
Well, I *have* played the entire GG series from X to Accent Core Plus; not that GG isn't better than 90% of the other stuff out there mind you, but BB is a major improvement IMO.

A "breast plate" shaped to the contours of a female chest would be a gay/fabulous male armor. Constantly complimenting the woman inside on how nice he accentuates her curves.

You're character dual wields swords. They both become intelligent, and are female.

Both are now competing over you.

What do?

dem Tahiti island girls...

It's really not a husbando for everyone, but some really love the boxy, dependable feeling. A good choise for a career woman as they love to support you from afar and are experts at guarding you against darts of jealousy.

DAT HUSBANDO.

>>8498297
Die, your throat mysteriously slit in your sleep one night by your own hand. Your party members scavenge your weaponry.

>This thread has been requested 1 times now.

>>8498340
Shit. I was hoping for a sword-cat-fight.

>>8498339
Oh god I lol'd.

Korean husbandos look all sorts of awesome, but you gotta be able to stomache their macho attitude and their I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING INVINCILBE MAN OF STEEL-days.

They just don't make husbandos like they used to, do they? Too portly, too little protection.

>>8498188
Nice, an elegant Moroccan.

>>8498276
Eh. It felt wayyy too slow for me.
And it didn't have I-no and Faust.
Arakune almost cuts it but not quite.

We can not really say too many good things about indian husbandos. Your best pick - an Aryan husbando - will make you feel inadequat because he's so awesome friendly, supportive, thoughtful ect.

...though sikim husbandos are fine if you're a bit of an action girl yourself.

>>8498379

>using 4chan archive instead of sup/tg/

Fag.

Mai waifu is a real princess. Her parents kept her inside for most of her life.

Mediterranean, heroic, passionate and stylish.

BEST WAIFU EVER. I mean, she dresses a bit too exotic for most formal functions, but she's a hard-working woman who will reliably support you under even the most exotic circumstances. The only waifu that will be able to start a fire for the two of you when you're lost in the jungle. Do be nice to her though and live up to her because she will experience a fatal burnout rather quickly otherwise.

Experienced older woman with ample curves? Fucking count me in.

Tall, dark and sort of the silent, unassuming type. Being a Japanese girl but tall and big she's sort of overconscientious. But she has got GREAT legs, and once she starts moving she's a hurricane.

>>8498613

Westernized asian women are icky. I'll stick with good turkish girls, thank you very much.

Beautiful, not particularly tall though a little bit wide for her height (not chubby though) with a fast mind and a vicious love of big close-up brawls where she'd gut people before they even knew what'd be going on.

Knows that she's a sidearm though, but one that gets to play more than the main armament, and is always ready to dive in.

Twins they were, and not of the jealous sort.

She...she makes me feel lonley at time. She really free-spirited and I can never hold her for long until the road takes her again. She laughs like a lion and curses like a sailor. There's no woman than can compare to her.

Kinky girls are the best.

A somewhat plain, top heavy woman with a rather blunt manner and making the occasional pointed joke.

nimble, classy french girl, of class, but who still likes to get out...

...and her maid isn't too harsh on the eyes either.

Erm... anyone wanna try this? my mind's drawn a blank.

>>8498900

...!

>>8498900

polish, a little flamboyant, lover her horses

>>8498972

...teapot?

>>8498972
>>8498928
A petite trap? imokaywiththis.jpg

Hmph. Stupid, I am not letting you swing me b-because I like you or anything. *blush* S-so don't get the wrong idea. Got that?

>>8498900

>>8499100

Unsheat it Ano, I double dare you.

>>8499153
She was my favorite

>>8499153
I was wondering when this would show up. This almost a /tg/ Boobsmith thread now.

This girl's quite flexible, if you know how to coax her, but though she seems serene and controllable, one wrong move and she'll have you whipped.

Goddamnit, /tg/.

Suddenly ZANPAKUTO WAIFU/HAADO-SUITO HASUBANDO.

>>8499442
and yet we still got a whole bunch of interesting weaponry posted out of it.

>>8499183
.......That's a trap right?