oh god yes do tell us more!

So here’s where we last left off. Tyrone the Monk and Marak the Half-Orc Fighter were courageously venturing into the heart of evil; into peril so treacherous that the DM outright told us: “You gonna die.”

We did not care, it was the first interesting thing to happen in this entire campaign, and if you have read about the campaign up to this point, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. The campaign, as a whole, was sucking the largest sack of donkey dick, and I wanted to shuffle my mortal coil in order to come back as a character that was much more conducive to fucking shit up in the game world. As awesome as Tyrone was, this was just not the right world for him.

Preparing for awesomeness.

I, I, I'm ready.

My friend made "Black Mantis of the Wu"
Pretty much exactly what yer dude is.

Only a lot more badass

Whoa, a trolling tripfag actually got banned? Other mods sit around on their asses forever, but /tg/ is the best fucking board.

Carry on.

Now, we’re holed up in the only known village on the evil volcanic northern continent. Our party has been informed that our wanton destruction of nature in the forest has drawn the ire of the forests protectors (which include every kind of elemental, even fire elementals lol). This ‘village’ consists of two huts, an inn, and a shop. The residents of this village have all fled, because apparently the forest comes to kill them quite often, and they’re used to this shit. A small party of hunters (who have come to this continent in search of big game) are also present, but they don’t know what’s going on.

During this three week hiatus from the game, my friend and I had taken to planning our blaze of glory. Damn the torpedoes and whatever the DM says. If the forest is made of plant matter, we’re burning it down. Secondly, we’re going to give our punk-ass party members the finger and attempt to browbeat them into coming with us. Because they obviously wouldn’t share our suicidal impulse, we figured that if they didn’t join us, we’d just beat them unconscious and leave them in the village. That way, whatever was coming to kill us would end up slaying them too (This would also be phase one of my dickery towards this party.)

>if they didn’t join us, we’d just beat them unconscious and leave them in the village

FUCKING AWESOME

Black Belt Jones! I just bought that last weekend. Awesome movie for a Sunday afternoon.

>even fire elementals

I know this was posted in the last thread, but jesus christ on a pogostick your DM is retarded.

>>8881305
We approach our party members as they are preparing to leave. I say to the cleric: “I will ask you one more time, will you not stay and fight to cleanse this island of its evil taint?” The cleric responds “Our definition of ‘cleansing’ is vastly different. Should you survive this encounter, you are welcome to rejoin our ranks.”
At that point I got fucking pissed. I say, “Then you can kiss MY evil taint,” and give the queue to Marak. We both jump the cleric, and I spend a ki point to give myself an extra Flurry attack. In this surprise round, we drop the cleric down to about 5 hp, and after the surprise round ends, I win the initiative roll and finish the cleric of f with nonlethal damage. Immediately after, the sorcerer attempts to summon some shit, but he’s fucking useless anyway, and meets the same end. Marak and I high five each other and stash their bodies in the Inn’s bathroom. After all this, we seek out the party of hunters.

>>8881222
FUCK YEAH
Been waiting for this.

>>8881355
I expect this thread to be here when I get home from work.

>>8881355
The hunters consist of a wizard, ranger, rogue, and dwarf fighter (I didn’t make this up), who have lost their comrade in combat with a beast on this island (who, judging by their party makeup was probably a fucking cleric or something). They decide to come with us to avenge their fallen friend, but I’d like to think it was because they saw what happens to people that don’t join us on our suicide quest. So we look through the now-deserted village, attempting to find any flammable items, or items that would be useful in starting a fire. We find a shit-ton of kerosene, pitch, torches, and flint and tinder.

We wrap several of the ranger’s arrows in kerosene-soaked canvas, and use the rest of the kerosene to fill several flasks and soak a large silk rope. I stash the rope on my belt, we light our torches, and head out into the forest to meet our destinies.

hey, been waiting on this!

>>8881432

Turns out, it’s about a mile out to the tree line, and it’s basically a “dry grassy field” along the way. I think to myself “Great! Dry grass burns like a motherfucker!” Once we get sufficiently far way from town, our party notices three dryads at a large distance (300ft). From the one other combat we’ve had thus far, our DM really likes combat which involves extremely large open spaces where we have to spend several rounds actually fucking moving into place. It’s really goddamn annoying. At any rate, our party holds ground, and we begin burning the shit out of all the dry grass. My reasoning is that when the Dryads approach, we will be behind a wall of fire. Then we notice that the trees behind the dryads seem to be moving.
Well now it’s on apparently, there’s fucking treants coming at us. We continue burning the grass field until the DM says “These two trees begin to uproot themselves, they look animat--” “WHOA WHOA WHOA,” I interject, “What fucking trees you talking about?”

I saw that.

>>8881277
No I saw flee on last night. Only now it is FLEEEE!!11!

>>8881504
From the DMG,
In plains, you get spot checks for combat out to 6d6x40 feet. In "sparse forest", 3d6x10. Dunno about Pathfinder, but 300 feet away doesn't seem too unreasonable.

Carry on.

wooo finally! been waiting on this!

go epic monk story!

>>8881504
Our DM puts on his best trollface and attempts to tell me that there are also small trees scattered in this area, BUT HE NEVER FUCKING MARKED THEM OR MENTIONED THEM UP UNTIL NOW. Just all of a sudden, bam, now there’s animated trees right up in our grills behind the fire wall. Whoops.

Had I known there were trees near us, those would have been the first things I put the torch to. So now we got trees attacking us. They spend one round freeing themselves from the ground, so I figure that if we’re gonna do anything to them, we need to act fast. I move next to the closest animated tree, and use a stunning fist, which connects, but the tree makes its save and isn’t stunned.

Meanwhile, the hunters start attacking the two animated trees. The DM is maintaining control of these characters… and we’re not really at all involved in their decisions, which is kind of stupid considering the circumstances. Meanwhile, the fires we lit are spreading, those three dryads are approaching, and the big-ass Treant is still making its way slowly towards us.

>>8881504
Dryads? They're Chaotic Good. I thought this was an EVIL forest?

>>8881570
Dryads are still literal rape monsters

>>8881513
Shameless self bump. Ya got me.

>>8881561
Marak gets to chopping on the same animated tree I’m attacking, but does minimal damage. When the turn comes back to me, I spend another ki point to Flurry the tree for a fuckton of damage. Two of my attacks connect and I do about 18 damage. The animated tree now gets a turn, and full-rounds me; the first attack hits a 29. I look at my measly 16 AC and say, “Jesus Christ dude, are you serious? What the hell are we fighting?! We're fucking level four!”

The DM responds “You guys have angered the forest, this is what happens.” I protest, because its bullshit… but then I realize we’re going to die anyway and it’s probably moot point. After one full round from the animated tree, I miraculously survive, but I’m at about a quarter health. Marak chops at the tree, this time for good damage, and the hunters continue to be useless. Fire spreads, dryads + treant advance.

>>8881570
Also, Dryads can't be more than 300 feet from her bonded tree, which can't be a Treant. Bet your awful DM forgot THAT detail, too.

Tyrone and Dean-o-Vision....
Am I in heaven?

HELL YES MOTHERFUCKER

I JUST READ THE SUPTG ARCHIVE

THIS IS GOING TO BE EXCELLENT, GET THOSE BITCHES OP

>>8881600
yes.

hell yea get that motherfucker

>>8881597
>>8881576
>>8881570

Oh just wait, I will reveal to you the depths of his ineptitude.

>>8881595

The animated tree happens to be a large creature, and we’re positioned just like in pic related. I take a 5ft back, and whip out a glass flask full of kerosene. I throw it at the animated tree, and it shatters on the trunk, covering it with kerosene. I call out to the ranger to hit it with a flaming arrow. On his next turn, the ranger readies his arrow and fires it at the tree, igniting it. Meanwhile the other animated tree is busy attacking the hunter rogue and wizard. The dryads are now within 20 feet, and the big Treant is within 50. Fire is expanding everywhere now, and because of the way our DM is spreading it, it’s coming towards US…. DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE SAID THE WIND IS BLOWINGFROM THE DIRECTION OF THE SEA AND SHOULD BE SPREADING FIRE TOWARDS THE FOREST AND OUR ENEMIES, NOT TOWARDS US.

At any rate, initiative now goes back to the animated tree, which is now taking fire damage, and being attacked by Marak and the dwarf hunter. The tree does a double-slam on the Dwarf fighter, and he goes down. When it gets to my turn, I ask the DM how the tree’s looking (assessing its condition). He responds, “It looks like a fucked up tree. It’s got splintered wood, branches missing, and it’s on fire.” I figure that the tree is pretty close to death, so I move 5 feet in for the kill. I spend a ki point (I have 3 left now), for another three-attack flurry of blows, and end up connecting with only one. I deal 7 damage to the tree…

(my internet is taking a big fat shit right now, updates may become sporadic, I'll go as fast as I can).

>>8881669

Fuck sorry here's pic related.

Fire elementals in a forest isn't that retarded. I mean, when a forest gets too thick it can strangle any and all new growth. A fire gets rid of the old and lets the new grow. And some trees have adapted to this so much they require forest fires to germinate.

That said, FUCK YEAH TYRONE.

Tyrone is now my new pesonal hero!

>>8881669

…whereupon the DM says it’s still alive. Marak attempts to chop the tree, and whiffs completely. Everyone else takes their turns, fire spreads, dryads approach, and the turn now goes back to the tree. The tree attacks me, and puts me deep into the negatives, then it dies due to being on fire. I had taken the tree to 1 FUCKING HIT POINT. If I had connected with either of my two other attacks, rolled higher on my damage roll, or Marak hit with his attack, the fucking tree would have been dead; but no, instead it goes to 1 HP and survives long enough to clobber Tyrone into the ground before burning to death. Isn’t this DM fucking cool?

GOD DAMNIT NOW I HAVE TO WATCH THAT MOVIE AGAIN

>>8881731

So as I’m dying, I manage to garble out some words to Marak: “THE ROPE… YOUR AXE…”

I metagame and tell Marak to take the oil-soaked rope off my belt and tie it to his axe. That way he can swing around a flaming axe and fuck up some tree shit. Marak takes a full round action to remove the rope, and tie it to the axe. Meanwhile, the other animated tree had just about killed the rogue, and the wizard was next on its list. The ranger attacks one of the three dryads, who are now at the edge of the fire wall, and the big Treant is within 15 feet of the fire wall. Initiative then goes to Marak, who takes his axe, swings it around, and hurls it at the Treant, aiming to toss it into the branches of the beast.

The axe finds its mark, getting tangled in the topmost branches of the Treant’s “head”, and the silk rope trails out behind it. As the rope crosses the fire wall, it ignites.

*munch munch munch*

*waves bowl around*

>>8881776
*murf*
shanksh

>>8881775

Fire travels up the end of the rope towards the axe haft buried in the branches of the Treant, catching its branches alight. However, now that the Treant is on fire, the DM believes that it will have no problems with walking through the brushfire in order to stomp Marak into the ground. The Treant does so, and after a few more rounds of combat, Marak too is crushed by a fucking tree. The Treant then burns to death as it attempts to make its way towards the water. The brushfire continues to rage, eventually reaching the forest, and also burns down the village from which we came. We end up burning down a decent portion of the forest with a mild forest fire.

>If I had connected with either of my two other attacks, rolled higher on my damage roll, or Marak hit with his attack, the fucking tree would have been dead; but no, instead it goes to 1 HP and survives long enough to clobber Tyrone into the ground before burning to death.

>Isn’t this DM fucking cool?

Sorry to play devil's advocate here, but how exactly is it the DM's fault it survived with 1 HP? Unless, of course, you are called bullshit, in which case I can understand.

>>8881776

*munch munch mu-

HURK. ACK.

>>8881848

>you are calling bullshit

fix'd

I JUST FINISHED READING THE SECOND PART OF THE SUPTG ARCHIVED THREAD

YOUR CAMPAIGN

I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE NOW, I'VE SEEN THE END AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

THIS IS THE APEX LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE APEX

>>8881848
I agree that that point wasn't exactly something to necessarily complain about but that doesn't detract from how pants-on-head retarded everything else has been up to this point.

>>8881848
By saying that it takes the fire damage from BEING ON FIRE at the end of the round instead of the beginning?

>>8881893

Oh I know, like I said, "devil's advocate".

>>8881903
Also this

>>8881848
I'm calling bullshit because the tree died immediately after attacking me due to fire. I don't think he was even taking double damage from burning into account. Furthermore, it's a monster at 1 hp... come on. I can understand letting a player take their final actions while at 1 hp, but it's a monster twice my level, and we're managing to kill it... he could throw us a bone before kills us.

>>8881828

Of course however, we can’t have everything go as according to plan, because before the fire reaches the village, the DM says that suddenly the Cleric and Sorcerer (whom we beat unconscious and left to die) wake up and are able to escape before the village burns. I honestly saw this coming from the beginning, but I wanted to at least demonstrate a “fuck you” to the other party members. I think it got the point across.

At any rate, I talked with DM a bit about what the fuck he was doing, and I found out that he threw THIS at us:

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-lists-and-details/-t/treant

CR8, yeah. We're fresh level 4's. In the event we survived this encounter, he was going to throw elementals of every kind at progressively higher levels at us until we died. When I protested that fire elementals protecting a forest is fucking retarded, he responded with "I am the GM, I am God, you dare defy my whims. Fire elementals love this forest."

Mmmhmm. So that's how it all went down. It was so fucking shitty that I don't even want to go back to troll them anymore.

>>8881828
What next? There has to be more. TYPE FUCKING FASTER! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

>>8881849
*calmly wanders down to the pier where a boat is waiting*

>>8881962

>Mmmhmm. So that's how it all went down. It was so fucking shitty that I don't even want to go back to troll them anymore.

Kinda disappointing really. You made your point though, so I guess it's a GOOD END. I don't think I'd go back either.

>>8881962
... that is the dumbest pile of fuck in the universe.

>>8881962

"I am God"
Funny how this little spike of self importance is the hallmark of shitty writers, designers and storytellers.

>>8881962

Man. I thought my DM sucked goat ass 3-times a day.

Do we get some awesome outro?

>>8881962
>"I am the GM, I am God, you dare defy my whims. Fire elementals love this forest."
>Also, Trolls eat your horse.

>>8881962
>I'm god

FUCK anyone who allows shitty DM's to keep thinking this. Shitheads deserve everything they get.

>>8881985

My understanding of how this would all go down, based on what he told us in the previous campaign, was that we were basically going to do "Survival mode", where the encounters get progressively harder until we die.

However, he instead put us against something twice our level and then cheesed us every step of the way. It was pretty goddamn lame.

Alas, poor Tyrone, i knew him well, horatio.

Come on, there has to be more.

WHAT DID YOU DO AFTER THE GAME

(IF THIS WAS INDEED THE END)

Tyrone's not dead, he's just gone home to the Plane of Law. Pic related.

>>8882035

ENOUGH OF THIS

TELL US WHERE THE INTREPID HEROES FROM YOUR GAME ARE GOING NEXT, BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING BACK, RIGHT?!

>>8882035
So, just so I got this right.

The DM has players who are about to fight against impossible odds and go out in a blaze of glory. He looks at this situation and decides they will face encounters of increasing difficulty until they eventually fall. So he considers, what do I start with? How do I start an encounter that slowly gets harder?

I KNOW I WILL GIVE THEM A CR 8 MONSTER AND ESSENTIALLY CHEAT WHENEVER POSSIBLE DERP DURRRRR HERPADURRRRRR!!11

>>8882097
Yes, you got it right. Some people were just never meant to DM. Or live as a human.

>>8882095
>>8882069

I'm going to put the time I would have wasted with that group into expanding the next campaign with my awesome group.

Want some spoilers?

hmm do i want spoilers??!! FUCK YEA!

>>8882129
I do!

>>8882129
cant wait to hear

>>8882035

lol, you think your decision matters in some disgusting neckbeard's power trip. You were there only because he needs someone to feel superior to.

>>8882129
fuck yes we do.

>>8882097
I HAVE DM'D ONE! ONE GAME! AND THAT WAS THE GAME FROM THE 4TH ED FUCKING STARTER GUIDE! I BARELY KNOW THE RULES OF EITHER 4 OR 3.5 AND I KNOW THAT THAT'S COMPLETELY FUCKTARDED!

I SPENT 4 SESSIONS COMPLETING 4 SHORT FIGHTS! I FAILED TO READ THE GODDAMN ENCOUNTER PAGES BEFORE WE STARTED THE FIGHTS AND I COULD COME UP WITH A BETTER GODDAMN WAY TO DO THIS THAN THE ASPIE CUNTBUCKET WHO RAN THIS CAMPAIGN!
GOD!

>>8882151
I've been meaning to ask, has your character ever Judo thrown someone so hard that they exploded?

>>8882129
fuck yes we want some spoilers.

>>8882129
sure

>>8882188
Once, long ago. He's abandoned that life for the way of the sword.

And now his brain is leaking psionics everywhere. At the DM's discretion I'll take Psion 1->Elocator just because floating everywhere is EVEN MORE BADASS.

Well hey guys so I was thinking of playing Chaos because Typhus is just so cool---

Oh whats going on here?

>>8882129
>I'm going to put the time I would have wasted with that group into expanding the next campaign with my awesome group.
Well done that man. Or lass. Or intelligent gelatinous space-entity.

>>8882095

Well right. I'm retconning that bit about Saburo and Joe Knock going up to meet Muramasa and forge an adamantium sword. That was just something I asspulled in the interest of time.

Instead, the sword was given to Saburo by the mafia as payment for his services, the mafia having acquired it in the first place through piracy from a military barge.

This sword, however, is an extraplanar artifact, which was INDEED forged by Muramasa. Muramasa happens to be chained in a pocket dimension between heaven and hell, a personal eternal purgatory, in which he is forced to eternally forge weapons.

>>8882188

No, but he did take on a boss wielding a five-foot long blade with a concealed dagger. It's pretty comparable.

>>8882231
Second question, back during his Judo days did he train by carrying sega saturns on his back and by punching a giant sega saturn controller? Did he ever deflect a ballistic missile with his BARE HANDS?

>>8882253
>>8882231

Oh goddamn, would you look at that

>>8882277
His brother did more of that, but yes, it's a family tradition.

>>8882292
I suspected as much.

>>8882129
fuckin yes!

>>8882283

Oh well hey DM! How's it hangin?

>>8882283
reverse spoiler?

make it sound like a spoiler but then pull something else out of your ass at the last second?

>>8882335
"Of course the dire fire beetle invasion is going to be the biggest event when they crawl up from the underdark and conquer the world TPKing the party"

Like that?

Awesome, now I just need to wait for that magnificent bastard who was set to slaughter all the Elves to finish his story and I won't waiting to hear how any more fa/tg/uys deal with shitty DMs.

>>8882262

At any rate, Muramasa is sick of his eternal torment, and happens to be approached by a high-ranking Githyanki. The Githyanki requests an exquisite blade to be crafted, so that he may wage war against his enemies, and Muramasa agrees.

However, Muramasa forges the sword by using a shard of his own soul, which will become more and more powerful as the sword takes life. The sword will absorb the essence of those whom it slays, and give power to the fragment of Muramasa dormant within it. When enough life had been consumed by the sword, Muramasa would be able to manifest himself through the sword, and free himself of his prison.

To forge the sword, Muramasa required elements taken directly from the elemental planes, which the Githyanki supplied. This angered the powers of these planes.

(by the way, since two of my players seem to be here, this is information that I've already told to them, and I can't go too into detail on the rest)

>"I am the GM, I am God, you dare defy my whims. Fire elementals love this forest."

"You are the GM. The GM is not immune to being punched."

Say OP, would it be possible for you to show us the details of Saburo's Iajiutsu class? Because while I'm not sure how balanced it is, I AM sure it is the most badass custom class I've ever heard of, and possibly ever was.

Does Masamune exist in your universe as well?
I recall legends puts him and Muramasa as master and pupil/rivals...

>>8882392

When the sword is forged, the Githyanki General begins to wage war against extraplanar entities. However, in the heat of combat, the Gith are suddenly beset upon by angry spirits from the elemental planes. In the ensuing chaos, the dying Gith general used the last of his power to send the sword to the material plane, so that his enemies would not possess it.

The sword was found by humans in the current game world, and was a treasured artifact of an empire for generations, but was never used in combat due to the ornate craftsmanship. This empire was later conquered by the city-state that the PC's just fucked up, and was sent to that city as tribute, where it was intercepted by pirates and sold to the mafia.

Upon delivery, the sword was going to sit in a warehouse somewhere, Ark of the Covenant style, forgotten as 'just another trinket from some assholes we conquered.'

>>8882540
Why do I never come up with anything this cool T_T

>>8882540

With the sword not drawing blood and not killing, it's powers were lying dormant, and lucky for the world, this was keeping it off the radar of the Gith remnants looking for the sword, as they want it back.

However, enter the current party, taking claim to the sword, and proceeding to fuck up several badasses with this sword. This sends some major echoes through the planes, and now, the sword that the gith thought was lost forever, appears to have reawakened. Saburo is becoming more and more aware of the sword's bloodlust, but is unaware of the spirit that resides with it... until...

>>8882614
This shit's awesome yo

SUDDENLY

>>8882639
And then the sword becomes this

>Muramasa happens to be chained in a pocket dimension between heaven and hell, a personal eternal purgatory, in which he is forced to eternally forge weapons

That gives me a mental image similar to this.

<---- These motherfuckers show up.

While the party is sailing towards their new destination, I'm going to have them start to roll listen checks. Should they succeed, they hear a little bit of Tunak Tunak Tun, then it fades away. Then shortly later, another listen check, more of Tunak Tunak Tun, and fade away. This continues until POOF, four elemental spirits appear on their boat, and combat starts.

Yes they're bards. Yes, they're going to dance and buff each other to the song. It's gonna be sweet.

When the party 'kills' an elemental, it will piff into the air and merge with one of its buddies. This continues until all the elementals have merged. Combat then stops, and the combined elemental laughs jovially and introduces himself to the party. He is a spirit that exists in the elemental planes of earth, fire, air, and water simultaneously as separate and singular entities. He reveals that he just wanted to test the party, and desires to help them, as pretty soon there's gonna be gith crawling everywhere. He explains basically everything I've said so far to the party.

>>8882682
What is this?

>>8882733
A miserable pile of secrets

>>8882682
Looks interesting, what is that page from?

>>8882733
Secret Warriors, one of the best currently ongoing Marvel comics.

>>8882793
Thanks, I'll read it if it gets finished.

rolled 52 = 52

>>8882743
but enough talk! HAVE AT YOU!

>>8882793
>I looked that up on the internet

Heh

>>8882793
Daisy certainly looks...
... ample.

>>8882832
That's because she has large breasts

>>8882682

I didn't want to do the whole bad sword/good sword thing because it seemed kind of cliche. That's what I started with, but I think what I'm going with is better. Still open to it though.

>>8882717

At any rate, the amalgamated elemental (amalgamental lol) piffs into nothingness, and the party arrives at their next stop. This city is an old ally of Camlann (the place the party just fucked up). Because this city has always showed compliance and subservience to Camlann, there isn't as significant of a military presence here, and most of the troops will be withdrawn once news that Camlann has fallen reaches their shores.

This new city has undergone one hell of an industrial revolution, largely due to the efforts of a certain artificer, and is a center of economic and manufacturing power. Most of the beasts of burden and ordinary laborers have been replaced by artificed constructs, and bored upper class tends to exploit the displaced working class with a variety of violent sporting games.

Such as, the Bloodbowl (no relation to the 40k game).

>>8882889
>Bloodbowl
>40K game

FFFFFFFFFFFF-

>>8882430
Oh sure.
http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19523418/Base_Class_Iaidoka_PEACH&post_num=1
Mind you, I wrote this class 3 years ago, and never actually playtested it (other than just running some numbers in an excel spreadsheet and comparing to Barbarian and Warblade) until then. We realized that, yes, it has some balance issues, but I kept with it as-is just to see it out. I'll likely be reworking it in the future, but I don't know if that post will ever get updated - the new Wizards boards BLOW.

>>8882889

The Bloodbowl involves two teams of players on a large elliptical field. One person on each team is designated as the Chopper and given a very sharp axe, but to use it on another player means disqualification.

Now, at the beginning of the match, three goblins are released into the center of the arena. Each team must capture a goblin and remove the head using their Chopper. The goblin head is the ball, and you must bring the ball to the other team's endzone to score a point. Full contact, no holds barred.

>>8882906
I only know what the 40k blood bowl is because people talk about it occasionally here. I've never read about it or looked into it. I only know it exists.

>>8882944
I still think it's about equal to a warblade, just a little less versatile.

Which means it's nothing compared to an at-level Cleric, Druid, or Wizard.

>>8882994
Holy shit that's fucking awesome

BLOOD BOWL! BLOOD BOWL!

>>8882994
Well, your first mistake is that it's WHFB, not WH40k.

But mostly, it's footballs/rugby [as opposed to footballs/soccer] except as played by Orks.

>>8882889
>I didn't want to do the whole bad sword/good sword thing because it seemed kind of cliche.

It wasn't a suggestion, I just thought it was similar to what you were talking about, what with the "forge fueled by the convergence of all hells" and your "pocket dimension between heaven and hell, a personal eternal purgatory, in which he is forced to eternally forge weapons".

Since I'm not familiar with the setting, for all I know, this pic might have more of a resemblance to what your Muramasa looks like.

>amalgamental
Good one.

>>8882889
>largely due to the efforts of a certain artificer

Plot-important NPC?

>>8882994
I was going to incorporate something like this into one of my games except it's alot closer to Boufbowl than Bloodbowl.

>>8883082
Muramasa being in a pocket dimension and being fueled on souls originated because we were also playing Muramasa: The Demon blade at the time. And by that I mean, we got drunk, and passed the controller around and cheered at the game, while I explained the lore (which is half that damn game).

>>8883068

Shows you how much I know about it :(

>>8882994

At any rate, the Plot Train comes barreling through the station when suddenly, a bunch of the artificed constructs powering this city's labor force suddenly start malfunctioning.

Turns out, the constructs are controlled by a psychic signal that is broadcast from the artificer's laboratory, and the artificer has gone quite insane due to mercury poisoning. This is the background for a fifth player character, who is introduced to the party as an apprentice to the head artificer.

>>8883082
Yeah that's kind of accurate
>and the name is twilight
.....

>>8883284
That's okay, Storytiem, we love you and your ridiculous Blaxploitation monk anyways. Should give it a shot, though, like all the Specialist Games it's pretty enjoyable. Heavy on the risk management, though, since basically any fuck-up ends your turn.

>>8883284

The apprentice to the artificer will be the fifth player character, as another friend wants to join in. She wanted to play a character based on Leeron from Gurren Lagann. So we helped her roll up a fabulously gay artificer of appropriate level.

She will basically hail the party, knowing exactly whats going wrong with the constructs running amok in the city, and will direct the PC's towards the head artificer's secret lab of wacky robot shit.

>>8883361

And if you're thinking that pic related won't charge through the walls and start shooting color sprays everywhere, you're dead wrong.

>>8883361
That sounds FAAAAAAAAAABULOUUUUUUUUUUS~

>>8883425
imokaywiththis.jpg

>>8883425

>>8882743
Did someone say,,,

Secrets?

that's basically all I've revealed to my players so far... and it's honestly all I've thought up too.

I intended this to just be a one shot from the first scenario, but now I'm trying to turn it into a full fledged campaign with this next part. Which means they need to give me backstories. If Al'sham and Saburo are still reading the thread, post 'em.

>>8883502

Oh man, that reminds of a campaign where I rolled up the ugliest character in the entire world. I was so ugly that the DM gave me a gaze attack that could sicken people.

We ended up replacing my head with the Head of Vecna because it was less hideous.

>>8883522
...Al'sham Wyles.... could it be a rare case of two puns in one name?

>>8883522
Backstory? Nigga, you best be joking. How much of my past do you want to know, other than >>8882292
>>8882231

>>8883579

Heh, indeed. It's a pretty good name.

>>8883544

wait... Vecna's head was less hideous?

gaze attacks?


hmmm you weren't playing someone who loved their beauty so much they were cursed by the gods were you?

>>8883284
>>and the name is twilight
>.....

As in "Twilight of the Gods".

Don't fuck with Surtur.

>>8883604

Not really, basically I had the worst charisma score imaginable while still being able to live, and we did a generic "attractiveness 1-10 roll"

I rolled a 2. So I was fucking hideous. Because I was so ugly, I chose to focus my gaze at people, to which they usually went "EUGHGHGHGghghghg..." or vomited. I did this so often that the DM (who was ther player of Saburo, btw) just gave me a gaze attack that sickened people while not in combat.

When we came across the head of Vecna, we rolled attractiveness for it, and it was a 9. So it was way better looking than I was. I had one of my other party members rip off my head and replace it with Vecna's, thereby becoming more attractive.

>>8883604
That was the "omg ridiculous" campaign that I ran a long time ago. It was Gestalt, for one. For another, it was more or less "if you want to do it, it happens". it was a sort of a haruhi/dream world thing where the players have godlike powers, but don't really realize this.

I had the players roll a d10 for attractiveness (standard 1-10 hotness), a score unrelated to Charisma (I secretly gave them a small relationship). Storytiem rolled a 2. We determined that he was SO goddamn ugly that he could harm or kill people if he tried enough.

Later, as part of the campaign, they ran this adventure
http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/oa/20070401a
They managed to complete the dungeon alright, and KKrunk (the lovable barbarian//war hulk) rips off the head of the Druid and replaces hers with the head of Vecna. Druid was played by a girl, who very much did NOT appreciate this, and so the head was ripped OFF her, put on storytiem's Psion, and her head was restored. She was still dead (but they were rich enough to raise her without level loss).

I think that's right. Storytiem is getting the player of KKrunk on the phone to tell the rest of the epic story that was this campaign. *hopes he shows up*

>>8883751

Ah.


still... damn... that's....fuck...I can't even think of how to describe the image I'm getting.

FUCK YEAR

>>8883796

No joke, he was probably even uglier than this. 5 hours in paint.

>>8883938

Here's how I looked after getting Vecna's head.

>>8884013
Sneee!

>>8884013
Vecna's head doesn't look that much like I imagined.

>>8884032
It's obviously the head of Vecna before he became a Lich.

>>8884032

Had an attractiveness of 9. Totally had the Vincent Price vibe going.

>>8883522
K, fine, here's a backstory. Made it up just now.
He was trained by some badasses, back in *insert place that's basically Japan here*. He was determined to be enough of a badass with swordplay that a group inducted him into the Elan (psionic humans who have to modify other humans to make more elan; they just make more humans if they fuck). That way, he could live forever and become a true master of the sword, and pass his knowledge to untold generations and make the country truly great. After hanging out with them for another 50 years or so, he got sick of their bullshit. Basically went, "Alright, swordplay is good and all and I know I'm now gonna live forever but goddamn this is a sausagefest. And i'm not learning anything taking the same lessons over and over. I appreciate what you've done, training me to use the powers of my mind to sharpen my blade, but I must leave. I will be back someday, when I have lived."
So he gets on a boat and heads over to the continent where Camelann is, makes a minor name for himself as a merc, and then gets contracted for the job. Then *campaign starts*.

Good enough?

>>8884061

Pretty fuckin good.

Vincent Price = Vecna :O

kinda feel bad for tyrone... but fuck that can't wait to see how your new shit turns out.

>>8884191

Hell my (attempt) at a 3.5 god of death that isn't lawful nor evil is equal parts Price, L'Ankou, and a plague Doctor.

Just need to think up a name befitting him, something that's more of an epithet since I doubt anyone would want ot invoke a Neutral-Bastard God of Death.

>>8884454

Ghede is a good name choice, the mythology surrounding him makes it sound pretty neutral.

>>8884506
Plague-doctor mask... part of the whole thing of Ravens being under his "dominion" (at least to the lay folk) yeah little crap like that is why I world-build.

>>8884523

Kevorkinnax?

I dunno lol.

>>8883151
>Muramasa being in a pocket dimension and being fueled on souls originated because we were also playing Muramasa: The Demon blade at the time.

I knew that sounded familiar as fuck.

OH NO YOU FUCKER
I JUST READ THE EPIC KING-OVERTHROWING CAMPAIGN, PURELY BY COINCIDENCE

AND NOW THERE'S A NEW THREAD I HAVE TO STAY FOR?
WELL FUCK YOU

>>8884653

Well that's all I got about Tyrone for now, I mean, we might have the story of KKrunk up later, but my buddy needs to get online so we can actually recount and remember what happened there. It was a long ass time ago, but KKrunk is pretty much the best character ever made.

Hey I'm back, holy shit this is still going.

My character from the Gestalt? Captain Sledge Rockhard, Warblade//Dragon Shaman. He wields halbreds, breathes fire and doesn't afraid of anything.

NO DONT DIE
STORYTIEM TELL US MORE

>>8885110

That's all I've got for now :(

I just wanted to finish up the story of Tyrone and let you know what I've got cooking for the next installment. I want to bring Tyrone back at some point, in a setting where he won't completely suck. I mean, he never even got to rap battle.

>>8885172

You couldn't challenge the treant to a rap battle?

>>8885215

I would have died of old age waiting for it to deliver its comeback.

>>8885245
I can see it now...
Tyrone throws down some mad lyrics nobody has ever heard of before. Everyone in the room is stunned by the lyrical prowess that no single man should possibly possess.

And then the DM goes "it smacks you for 85 damage, dead yet?". And then Tyrone was a zombie.

>>8884712
Stories like yours about the fag DM are going to turn me into a violent person.. I give warnings at least, does that count?

>>8885245

Coming up with retorts on the spot wood be a bit difficult.

>>8885272

And then, Tyrone becomes DJ Phylactery

>>8885356
oh u

Since we're on the subject of bad DMs anyways with Tyrone's adventures, I'll tell about the campaign I'm in right now. I'm running one campaign every other Saturday (which is an awesome campaign, in which the players just used umber hulk zombies to leave the underdark because "fuck that"). One of my players offered for me and whoever else wants to play to come be in his group, which meets on the opposite weekends from mine. We agree; I haven't PLAYED other than in STORYTIEM's campaign in forever.

We're told that, since his campaign just started, that everyone is level 3, and we get to be the same level as them, with standard starting gold. So far, so good.

>>8885564

goddam you people are prolific.

>>8885564
I roll up a Telepath Psion, and my buddy Brian rolls up a Rogue. We both put on our trollfaces and write TN and CN on our character sheets, when both of those should be E on the right, as he basically wanted to play Deadpool (so I end up rolling Cable). We tell nobody about this. Our backstory is that we were part of a small guild of theives and con artists; we got caught trying to more or less sell the Dresden Army (some motherfuckers ingame; we don't know shit about them; more on that later) hammers for 6k gold apiece. We flee, and meet the party on a boat to a city. And then the game turns to BORING.

The party, you see, hasn't had a chance to actually buy or sell gear yet. They've been lugging around all the swag from their adventures. And the DM apparently gives out money like most DMs give out kobolds for genocide. The next hour and a half (real time) are spent with the party scouring books, and vaguely roleplaying buying items from magic shops. Me (Garry) and Deadpool (Frak; he was going to be named Frank but forgot the R) attempt to spruce things up by getting drunk at 11 AM. It doesn't help. Off to a bad start.

>as he basically wanted to play Deadpool (so I end up rolling Cable).

I'm listening.

>>8885581
Happens. Been playing D&D for over 10 years, and I'm only 23 years old.And I don't even have a neckbeard.

>>8885643
So, to introduce the rest of the party,
We have a Human Cleric named Father Brah. Cleric of Wee Jas, conducts Negative Energy. He is probably the worst at playing a Cleric I've ever seen - in the first session, he cast a single spell, "Inflict Wounds" - it missed, and he then claimed that "this is why I don't cast spells". He's decked out in fullplate and a nice enchanted Morning Star. Nevertheless, his character description is more or less "rippling abs, perfect ass". I did not ask if he was gay. Also, note that he spent all his gold on nightsticks to power persistant spells; we're level 3, again.

We have a Druid. I don't know her real name (maybe Erica?) nor her character name. She has a wolf companion. She's a Winged Elf, using a modified version of their race to make them EL +0 (basing them off Raptorans). She is apparently nobility, and married to the next character. Her personality is basically missing. She casts about as many spells as the Cleric, and attacks with something she pronounces as a "shakakhan". I never asked what it is, because I didn't care. She's also homely IRL.

And we have a Ranger. He's also a Winged Elf. Also nobility. A prince, apparently. Very, very trigger happy (opens fire any time we roll initiative). His name is Addakar. That's it.

And, the NPC pack mule, whose name escapes me at the moment. He has 30 strength and 30 dex, and is a dwarf. He is the only dwarf in the world that we've seen, as they were genocided or something long ago. The DM roleplays him as a black slave.

>>8885701
Our antics are better in session two; I'm explaining the first one right now. Stick around.

>>8885735
I forgot to mention that, when we met them, the dwarf had the head of a giant rat over his head, being worn as a mask. Addakar has a trophy room where he keeps pieces of the bosses he kills back at the Avariel embassy. Yeah. Oh, also, everyone in this campaign (other than me) play World of Warcraft. Keep that in mind.

So, level 30 big papa avariel comes to see us (the party also trusts us right away, to which we are surprised by, but whatever). He tells us to go get the next ELEMENTAL CRYSTAL before the DRESDEN ARMY does. And that's it.

DM CUTSCENE TIME YOU'RE NOW ON A BOAT TO THE NORTH CONTINENT

Yes, I'm serious.

I ask the other party members about these ele crystals; what they do, why we're looking for them. I ask the Druid and Cleric, as one spellcaster to another (we have magic-psionics transparency in full force); they respond with, basically, "he tells us do things I don't run and". We learn that the crystals can be put into gear for added effects. Among other things, if put into a wondrous item, they have a linked stat, and give you 1/2 your level (rounded down) to that stat, which stacks with other stat boosting items. WOW OVERPOWERED but whatever.

So, we arrive at the snow-covered northern continent after being magically railroaded there. I remark that none of us have winter clothing. Everyone is concerned about this too, and the DM remarks that we would've bought some anyways and just gives us some. Okay. He then asks "did anyone buy a map?" Nobody did. I am about to say "because you just slammed us here", but he gives a map to the ranger, saying he bought it. The map is of no help, and is just a world map. There is a Warg waiting for us when we get off the boat. Before knowing if it's hostile or not, the ranger one-shots it. Sure isn't "two party members defending nature" in here.

>>8885886

>>8885886
So, the party has NO IDEA where to go, other than that the ice crystal is somewhere in this tundra. Frak remarks that papa avariel should just get it himself; he's way stronger than us, and if he has time to come tell us what to do, he's got time to come here and get the crystal. Winged elf characters tell us that he's fighting on the front lines of some war, and can't be gone long. Alright.

Well, luckily for this party, I bought a dojre (psionic wand) with Know Direction and Location. I ask the DM where the FUCK we are and where the closest ANYTHING is. He glares at me and tells me there is a "statue" three days walk northeast. I say "GREAT!", inform the party that my Psionic powers tell me where to go ("You have Psionic powers?", "yes, shut up and follow me"), and we set out.

The DM then informs us that he has already rolled the random encounters for the rest of the way there. I say nothing. The game then turns into Final Fantasy Tactics, but without the storyline. Oh, and we get spot checks from like 20 feet, despite the clear weather and it being plains.

We fight some MOON RATS (in the daytime, which doesn't work).

We fight some KOBOLD ZOMBIES (Frak and I remark on the oddity of this, as we were nowhere near any civilization, and it's odd to have kobolds OR zombies out here. I remark on this too. Nobody cares)

We fight some SHADOWS at NIGHT.

Then, we run into a BADASS HORSE. I don't know what the monster is (if somebody knows, tell me). Basically, it's a giant horse with HORNS and GLOWING EYES and is CRAZY. The ranger is all YEAH KILL IT and I go "Wait, not every animal we meet must die; we have enough food. Why kill this one too?" But, it's no good. He lets an arrow fly and it hits it in the ass, scaring it.

>>8886083
even if I am the only one reading, please continue :)

looks like I am the only one reading :( feels bad man

>>8886083
I manifest Mind Lock (turns out I was cheating, lol, later realized it doesn't work on animals). This, effectively, dazes the horse for concentration rounds, provided it fails its will save. It does. I then go "OK, NOW, WHY ARE WE KILLING RANDOM ANMALS? THIS THING ISNT EVEN HOSTILE? THIS IS A MAJESTIC ANIMAL!"

The DRUID gets pissed that I'm yelling at her husband, and that I'm "hurting the animal" (read: I'm not). She sics her dog at me, forcing me to break concentration. I "Aversion" the Dog to me, and it fails its save. The horse runs off. I give them a "I told you so" look and we carry on.

That night, we fight some neanderthals. No comment.

Oh, I forgot to mention the party's method of making a camp. We have no firewood. The ranger, however, has a quiver of infinite arrows. He pulls out a couple thousand, the druid Shape Wood's them into logs, and we make fire. Not bad, but not good either.

The next day, we fight THE BIRDS. They were not singing. Round one: Grapple the halfling rogue (Frak). Fly off with him.

Now, I need to tell you a detail that I have neglected. Since the Winged Elves are based on Raptoran, they don't get real flight until 5th level. Frak (deadpool) taunted them pretty mercilessly about this. They basically got really embarassed and went "well, our wings are bruised because of some battles, and.. uh... yea..."

So, the halfling's turn. He's in the air. He takes a free action to yell "LOOK WHO'S FLYING NOW!"

I almost fall out of my chair trying not to laugh. Everyone else in the room gives him the look of "OH UH UH YOU DIDN'T"

>>8886164
>>8886132

You are not alone.

>>8886177
Wait, who grappled the halfing?

>>8886214

The birds did. They were fighting giant eagles and the halfling got carried off, then he taunted the flightless elves, as it was now flying, and they weren't.

>>8886164
>>8886132
We're far from autosaging. I'll continue.

>>8886177
So, now that the bird has the halfling and is all BRB LUNCH, I mind lock it to keep it from flying (he fails his grapple check bad). The other bird (there were two) comes to attack ME. Not the cleric or wolf about to beat up on the dazed bird that just fell to the ground, not the halfling who is bite sized, not the druid who is retarded, not the ranger shooting arrows, the PSION who has an INTENSE STARE (note: I almost always make my concentration checks to manifest with no display, and I informed the DM beforehand that I am doing this). Yes, the DM says that. "You were staring right at it, so it thought you were hurting its mate." Bull-fucking-shit it thought that, it's an INT 3 bird. Now, I'm the clothy with a d4 hit die. I take DAMAGE (but I do have 16 con, fuck year). I end up being the only one to take damage, and end up tanking (thanks to the druid standing behind me casting CLW) about 1.5x my HP. Yeah.

So, we get to the thing we were searching for, and camp for the night. Session one is over. We get experience.

WE LEVEL UP.

I figured out later that the DM never divided by the number of players for EXP, so we got 5x what we should've. Yeah. I take Read Thoughts and Ego Whip (I think) for powers. We go home, and I tell some people about how much faggotry it is. Despite that, the people are at least kinda fun (and I never get to PLAY D&D; I'm always DMing), I decide to come back next week.

>>8886177
>So, the halfling's turn. He's in the air. He takes a free action to yell "LOOK WHO'S FLYING NOW!"

>I almost fall out of my chair trying not to laugh. Everyone else in the room gives him the look of "OH UH UH YOU DIDN'T"

Fukken win!

>>8886278
this is even more fail than Tyrone's DM if that's even possible.

keep dis shit coming. don't you dare stop.

>>8886278
So, that brings us to session #2, just this last Saturday. It was shorter than the first one due to me having to leave to attend my sister's 21st birthday party with my family (her and i drank a whole 1.5 litres of champagne together). Anyways,

Our party wakes up, nearby what we were searching for. It's a giant fucking ice crystal. Like, a pyramid of ice on top of a metal platform. "Ohhhkayyyyy..." I remark. I ask the Cleric if he can detect sources of magical energy. He can, thanks to, as I find out, the DM being retarded with divine spellcasters. I was asking if he had readied Detect Magic. The DM determined, since you should be able to pray to a God anytime, that Druids and Clerics are basically like Beguilers; they're spontaneous casters with the Spells Known list of the ENTIRE SPELL LIST OF THEIR CLASS. I think to myself "what a waste on these fools" and carry on. Yes, the crystal is glowing like the frikin' sun with Conjuration magic. BUT JUST THEN

MORE GODDAMN BIRDS

Apparently, there's a nest of some giant fucking ravens right next to this thing, and we pissed them off. OH BOY. There are 5 of them, and they have a LOT of health. We manage to take them down (fuck yeah Astral Construct, you are the best power) with me taking the most damage again (I even try to position myself in a way that would be hard for them to hit me; doesn't help). I basically resort to battlefield control with Grease and Entangling Ectoplasm, throwing a Crystal Shard here and there. We kill the birds.

We go find their nest, sitting on the ground right behind the giant statue. I remark "even mothers shouldn't defend to the death; any animal knows pain and should run at some point. something's wrong here". The Druid and Ranger roll Knowledge: Nature checks and determine (durr) that the birds are all females. Frak is dissatisfied with this, and starts his own autopsy.

>>8886329
Nah, I'm not sure I agree with that. If only because:
>at least kinda fun

>>8886408
Frak starts cutting open one of the birds and begins tearing out entrails. He's got a big grin on his face and is yelling at the "winged dudes who know naturey stuff" to help him out. They refuse. He finds the stomach and rips it open. Nothing unusual about their diet. He runs over to tell the party, smelling awful. The Cleric, in response, starts casting Create Water.

Now, remember we're in the Tundra.

He casts it like three times. The halfling is now clean. But is now getting HYPOTHERMIA. The DM makes up some rules and Frak passes out. We have him cuddle with the dwarf. He wakes up, naked, next to a dwarf, and basically does an imokwiththis.jpg.

The Druid and Ranger harvest the meat and feathers off the birds, expecting to sell them later.

Me (and later the cleric) examine the ostrich-egg-sized-eggs. Frak, awake, yells "EGGS? WHO WANTS OMLETTES?" Somebody appraises them, and finds them to be worth 1,000 GP each. SCORE! We have the dwarf more-or-less just carry the nest.

We then examine the giant piece of ice that's MAAAAGIC. Inside it, we can see a platform. Great. After arguments and retardation all around, the Druid finally realizes that, yes, she DOES have a magic fire spell (Produce Flame, 1st level), and that yes, it DOES melt ice just fine. She makes us a nice hole in it, and we look at the platform. Cleric hops on it, and disappears.

>>8886467
These people sound like the worst ranger and the worst druid.

>>8886419
The DM is retarded, but I have better players than STORYTIEM.

>>8886467
We all basically go "AW SHIT". I quick Mindlink (mental communication; works over any distance except planar) everyone. Ranger and Druid hop on the platform, disappear. I ask them what's on the other side. Thankfully, they're still on the Prime Material. They see a HOSTILE ICE GOLEM.

Now, go ahead and crack open Frostburn and look up Ice Golem. Note its CR and abilities. Note that we're 4th level. Moving on.

I have most of my power points left for the day, so I head onto the platform to fight the obvious boss monster. Commence incredibly long combat to bring this thing down to dead. The Cleric goes up to tank it; he somehow has 26 AC. He attacks 3 times a round; once from his persisted bladestorm (which whoops never told anyone about), once from his LION SHIELD (which can bite, apparently), and once from his morningstar. Of course, he can't hit worth shit.

The druid is useless.

The ranger shoots it with his bow a lot, and I'm fairly certain didn't actually do much damage due to the DR 10/Bludgeoning on the Golem, but hey.

Frak, realizing that there's enough ice to hide behind, sneaks around to the other side of this 30x30x30 square room to the TREASURE CHEST on the other side. The DM rules that, for some retarded reason, he becomes visible as soon as he opens the chest. No hide check, nothing. Just "the party sees you". He grabs the ice crystal out and starts playing with it. All the more he could've done in that battle as a rogue anyways.

I do 90% of the damage because I'm not retarded, (flanked the thing with an Astral Construct for awesomeness), and had most of my power points - so it was PEW PEW CRYSTAL SHARD ALL DAY 4d6 PER ROUND. I finished the battle with 4/25 left.

So, we kill the Ice Golem.

>>8886547
They've never played D&D before (forgot that part), and it's obvious the DM is doing a bad job of teaching them.

>>8886562
So, the ice golem is dead. We get EXP. How much, you ask? Well, this is before I figured out the DM wasn't dividing experience properly. SIX THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED EXP EACH. Mind you, that wasn't a battle we were supposed to be able to win anyways, but we did (thanks to my DPS and Father Brah's 26 fucking AC). We go get the treasure out of the chest. There's a breastplate with HOLY FUCKSAUCE stats (appraised at 45,000 GP. We're level 5 now, woo hoo, level appropriate loot); a couple of wands; Bracers of Armor +4; Peripat of Health; and the random treasure bullshit (tapestries, gems, what have you). Oh, also the MacGuffin, the Ice Crystal. I take it because the linked attribute is INT and WOO POWER POINTS.

I do another manifestation of "Know Direction and Location" to see where the fuck we are. 100 feet below the surface, apparently.

Thankfully, there teleporter platforms are two-way.

There are no random battles back to town.

So, we get back, and its ITEMAN TIEM because this is apparently BATTLES AND LOOT THE RPG, story and roleplaying be damned.

OH ANOTHER POINT I FORGOT TO MENTION (there are so many, it's hard to keep track). This was supposed to be a "roleplay heavy" campaign where the DM "to encourage acting in-character, and to help new players" gives out roleplaying EXP too. He even implemented one of my rules - hand on the head. Basically, whatever you say is considered in-character unless you place your hand on your head. It's such a stupid-looking thing that you have to think about it. Anyways,

>>8886653
Oh man, it's like they're actually playing WoW!

Saburo, I have been reading, and actually opened my copy of Frostburn.

This DM may be retarded.

>>8886653
We go to sell the items. I just leveled up, and swap in Suggestion, Psionic, and have a wonderful idea. I tell the party "I'll go sell the items. No worries, we'll get good prices."

Walk into a random magic shop, greet the shopkeep, start selling my first item. Suggestion: "I think you want to give me better prices." Fails his willsave, BAD. He goes, "Yeah, I think I'll give you better prices." (here comes the campaign breaker, woo woo!) The DM rolls a percentile to see how much. He rolls 75%. SHIT.

The DM THEN lets me haggle above that (derp). He allows me to make Diplomacy checks in place of Appraise or... anything else, really. I have max'd Diplomacy, and I roll well. Apparently this shopkeep has no ranks in it or is hell of low level, as I beat him pretty much every time. DM rolls ANOTHER precentile for markup. Jesus. We end up selling all the items for 135,000 GP and some change. We're freshly level 5. I take 28% for myself and give 18% to the other 4 players.

I then leave the shop, having almost bankrupted the guy. I feel kinda bad about it (I'm not TOALLY evil), and go to the town crier guild and pay them 700 gold to advertise that dude's shop. He gives fair prices (to me), after all.

Oh, and then Frak goes to buy a new shortbow for himself. Turns out, the DM doesn't require the requisite +1 on items for them to get magical abilities, and allows Melee-only on Ranged items. After we give the DM the most raised eyebrows possible, he goes to buy himself a Flaming Wounding shortbow. YUP.

He haggles with the shopkeeper, wins diplomacy. DM rolls percentile (this is an awful way to do things). Get 90%. Frak buys it for 1,600 GP.

>>8882944
please god tell me your going to remake that for 4th edition.

>>8886741

>rolls d100 for price advantage

>>8886805
Roll 100%.
couragewolf.jpg
Walk out of the store with everything.

>>8886709
Yup, like I said they're all WoWfags.
>>8886721
Quite possibly. He never did use its Improved Grab ability (or full attack), but I'm not sure if that was just him being retarded, or if (for grapple) he could never hit Father Brah's TWENTY SIX AC.
>>8886741
So, that's where the session ended. I have 34k GP in my pocket, and we have the pieces of an Ice Golem in a Bag of Holding (trophy room). I go home and contemplate what to do with all my cash. Probably gonna buy Frak a Ring of Blinking for more lulz, or have somebody build a cockpit and flight into the Ice Golem and reanimate it so I can have a Gundam.

Will I be going back in 2 weeks? Yeah, probably, because me and Frak have been thinking of more ways to troll this party. Because, honestly, we don't care about that campaign so much so if we can fuck things over a bit, we won't mind. Our characters are con artists, after all. I was thinking, research Minor Creation, create Skooma, tip off the guards and have them raid the Winged Elf embassy. Or, kill somebody important (without being noticed), claim that one of the party members did it, and manifest "Aversion" on them, with an aversion to guards, so they run.

That, and I'll probably take Thrallherd for 6th level, and get another Telepath (that I'll be giving to Frak so he can fuck with peoples' minds too).

That's the story. Hope yall enjoyed it. The campaign I'm running is about 1000% better (and no, I'm not just bragging).

>>8886769
Wasn't planning on it, but now that you mention it, the way the powers work would go with 4E better than 3E.

You guys are why I want to play RPGs. I have a group of friends and we are all reading the books, but none of us really know how to Rolepay or even Rollplay right. These threads are informative and awesome. I wish StoryTiem would explain how to plan all that stuff out for a campaign. It looks like I am going to be the defacto DM and it is kind of intimidating.

>>8886839
Was a good read. Since this thread is also part II of an archived thread, suggest adding it to suptg also.

>>8886839
hahahahhahaha this is how you play a psion

>>8886839
OH I ALMOST FORGOT
So many little STUPID things about this campaign, I can never remember them all.

Alright, everyone knows how Attacks of Opportunity work, right? When you have a melee weapon, you threaten squares around you. When somebody moves out of those squares, you get an AoO. One per round without that one feat. Pretty simple, right?

NOT FOR THIS GROUP. They did it the OPPOSITE. Ranged attackers get AoOs. Yes, you heard me. They threaten out to their weapon's range increment. Yup. This means, when enemies run towards us, the ranger and druid fling arrows at them.

Also, you don't get them for moving OUT of a threatened square. You get them for moving INTO a threatened square. We literally had this happen:

DM: The Neanderthal charges you
Father Brah: Oh, I get an AoO when he gets to me right?
DM: Yup, go ahead and roll that before his attack.

RAINBOW RAGE

>>8886883
Already done

>>8886882

Storytiem did a decent chunk of that off the cuff. When everyone at the table understands that we're there for epic and nothing less, we all cooperate towards epic out of habit.

tl;dr people who want the same stuff out of a game should play together

>>8886905
your stupidity's group just brained my damage.

>>8886963
Well none of us have ever /tg/ed together but we all want to. I don't know what they want, but I want them all to have fun and just be a part of something that is, I don't know, something we can all do together and enjoy every week. Friends having a good time together just enjoying something we all made.

>>8886882

Honestly, I make most of it up on the fly. I generally have an outline planned (about as much as I've explained so far... that's how much I had planned for the first campaign, aside from the end boss), and the characters direct the flow of the game. The worst thing you can do to your party is railroad them. I generally play by the rule of cool, and if a player wants to do something awesome, I tend to give them some generous leeway.

For the coup campaign I ran, I came up with the idea last summer, and then just toyed with it off and on until I was like, "Fuck it. Lets get everyone together and run this shit." during last Spring Break. This was actually my second time being a DM, and I've never read the DMG thoroughly. The players I run with are so knowledgeable about the game though. My strengths are building the world, roleplaying npcs, and designing encounters. It's generally up to the players to decide what kind of items they need, and if it's within reason, then they can buy those items or find them as loot (for instance, Saburo wanted an adamantium Katana instead of gold. He ended up getting a sword which is the focus of the next campaign). I try to make up for what I lack in item and niche knowledge with awesome story.

Try and get a copy of the SRD though, that helps immensely. If I can give you any useful advice, its that alcohol helps everything. Everybody has more fun.

>>8886949
that anyone voted it down is beyond me

>>8886855
didnt tg point out a more broken ver- BLADE CASCADE! A Thousand Cuts only at a lower level and without the piling up of -2 to your attack each time (retarded choise, it now limits to 5 attacks)

>This was actually my second time being a DM, and I've never read the DMG thoroughly.
Bullshit. No. Fuck you.

>>8887176
It's true. I remember him coming for me to advice more than once with questions like "how much AC and HP would a 7th level fighter have on average?" and "oh god what do i do i don't know how to dm what is this". He took to it quite naturally, once in game.

The magic system he made for the enemies was bullshit, and he knows it. We've discussed that. That's out if and when epic #2 happens.

>>8887250
>>8887176

Ehehe... yeah.

I realized the magic system was bullshit about half an hour into things, and basically the enemy mages just cast fireball and searing ray if they lived long enough to do so. I stopped that shit about halfway through.

>>8887037

Also, the golden rule is that if you're ever in doubt about something, have someone roll for it, or roll it yourself. It's a pretty good litmus test that is immune to personal bias.

>>8887401
>>8887250
S-so.. you mean that STORYTIEM is only going to get better from here? Jesus Christ I can't wait to hear about it

>>8887401
>Also, the golden rule is that if you're ever in doubt about something, have someone roll for it, or roll it yourself.
That can also lead to the BODAK PROBLEM.

Lemmie explain about the bodak problem, we need a bit more epic in this thread.

So, I'm DMing an Underdark campaign. The party members are pawns of an eldritch evil who is also the grim reaper who's trying to get back his rightful spot as ruler of the dead, but is also trying to keep the world from asploding. But, that's besides the point.

The point is, my players and I have had several conversations on Bodaks. You know, the nasty CR 8 undead with a Death Gaze, and anyone who dies by it turns into a Bodak in 24 hours. They said "Why isn't there a bigger Bodak problem? After all, in the underdark, there's no sun, their only weakness. If there was any kind of settlement at all, Bodaks could very quickly take it over!" and "It's not like there are a lot of undead hunters in the underdark anyways. Liches come down here to AVOID undead hunters. And its not like the Bodaks can kill each other - they can't overcome their own DR". After discussing this one too many times, I informed them that, yes, there IS a Bodak problem, and they're going to run into it if I ever roll a one on my encounter table. It was a great joke, until it happened. It was one of those "lift up the DM screen, show them the roll, and roll initiative because THERES BE BODAKS" type of situations.

Well, the Necromancer (instead of trying to control them, which would've been bad anyways), has some Umber Hulk zombies. He orders them to DIG NEW TUNNELS RUN AWAY and flees. The party cautiously flees too, but the zombies have a burrow speed of 20 ft and can only take single actions. Bodaks can move 30. Oh dear.

>>8887646
So, a couple of them try to fight. Warlock blasts them from afar (they can see in this area; lots of luminescient fungus was put there by some wizard long ago who got trapped and wanted to see), the Druid "shape stone"'s one bodak into the floor, the halfling tries sniping one of them, and the storyline NPC, well, he runs up and tackles one, grappling it to the floor, and pinning it (covering its eyes). He yells triumphantly, and then fails his save against the other bodak. And dies. The halfling rogue runs out to get his body and avenge his friend. Dies. The necromancer and druid keep running. The warlock isn't stupid, and stays outside their visual range, kites them, and takes them down.

So, they gather up the bodies of their fallen comrades. They tunnel their way to someplace somewhat safe, and they rest. Druid readies two "Reincarnate"s. Now, I love the 3.0 rules (much more stuff on the table) for Reincarnate, so we used that. The halfling... turned into a halfling. The NPC became a BLACK BEAR. A black bear that can TALK. Yeah. He also lost his magical powers (which were mostly party buffs) because he lost the fiendgraft skin that powered them.

And now, the party's on the surface, trying to convince people that he's the Bear God, to get him to ascend (the NPC is dumb as a box of hammers and actually believes he IS a bear god now). After all, in D&D, Gods get their power from belief and die when people no longer believe in them (like unicorns!). I ruled that, conversely, one can gain God-like powers if people simply believe you are one.

There's a lot more to this campaign, and I'll tell it if people want, but it's kinda late and I'm tired.

>>8887713
Oh, and let us not forget that both the Necromancer and Druid could've cast Death Ward to turn the encounter into a joke, but they were too busy running. (The Druid is the DM of the game I was talking about). At least for the Necro, it was in character.

>>8887713
Please do. Also your gaming group of awesome needs a name.

>The NPC became a BLACK BEAR. A black bear that can TALK.

>>8887811
Ohhh God, lemmie take a shit, get a snack, and come back, and then it'll be MORE STORYTIEM.

Sadly, STORYTIEM (nor any of those other players) are in this campaign. Frak is.

I clicked on a pic of Deadpool and found the greatest story ever told by man

Basically there's two games running. The one I'm DMing involves:

Saburo
Al'Sham
Joseph Knock
Unnamed Halfling
Soon-to-be-involved Artificer.


The campaign I was playing with Tyrone involved me and the player of the Halfling from my game, and a bunch of other people who will not be named, because I'm done with them.

The player of the halfling was Marak the Fighter, of course.

>>8887901
This thread is good, but the first thread was the greatest story, it's linked in the first post, read that for a tale of unsurpassed epic.

I have and its now book marked so i can read it again

>>8887843
Alllright, so, first off, PARTY CALL!
Me, the DM, writer of stories. My style is extremely off-the-cuff. I make up over 50% of what happens each session. I prefer to, instead of telling a story, create fantastic events and let my players tell the story.
Jeffrey Wilmhurst, the Halfling Rogue. Played by the same guy as Frak in the other campaign I'm in. This character is very robin-hood CG. He's polite, follows laws (until they're bad for him), and gives away money. He was an orphan, so he has a soft spot to anyone who has had (or is having) a tough childhood.
Fleur, the Human Warlock. Wife (in RL, not ingame) of the above character. Her style is a "speak softly and carry an 8d6 eldritch blast" one. She solves problems by being calm, collected, and deadly.
Jerry Garcia and his Grateful Undead, the Necromancer. He's a bit of a coward, but always jumps on the chance of getting more undead. A bit childlike (and messed up in the head), power hungry, but protects his friends with all he's got. Or, at least, with a wall of undead and runs when the going gets tough. LE.
Githillan Ixarch Anjubar, CN Human Paragon Sorcerer/Alienist. Is completely insane, talks to himself, has paranoia issues, and does what he likes. Is the only person I've ever seen roleplay "Chaotic Crazy" properly, because his character talks with Cthulu on a regular basis and IS crazy.
And finally, the Druid, whose name I can't remember. Played by the DM of the other game I'm in. Don't know much about his character, or why a druid was wandering the underdark. I asked him and got an answer like "to find neat plants." Whatever. He joined recently.

>>8888192
Please instruct on how to play crazy without holding a fish.

MOAR GODDAMIT MOAR

>>8888192
So, the players start at 8th level. I had them roll d12 to determine, as the last campaign started at 1 and they were sick of being lowbies (they wiped at level 3; not entirely my fault). I determine that they'd been adventuring together for quite a while, and trusted each other by this point. I had them each make up one adventure they'd been on together, so I could bring back past grievances and whatnot.

So, the party starts off bored out of their skulls. Sitting around, doing nothing. No adventures, no new dungeons, nothing. One day, they get hired to do a merc job - sneak into the holy grounds of the temple of Rathma (lol diablo reference), steal some artifacts, and get paid handsomely. They are so bored that they'll take any job, so they do it.

But, they run into trouble. This was the MAIN temple of rathma. After slaughtering 20 or so of the priests, the priests break an artifact as a last-ditch effort - which summons an avatar. They RUN. They can't run away, so they run to the center of the temple, hoping to find maybe another way out. What they find is a glowing orb on a pedestal. They hear a voice in their heads. "BREAK ME! BREAK ME AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE POWER!" Seeing like a good idea, they do. They wink out, and find themselves in a dimly lit cavern.

>>8888252
I was compelled to edit a TSO comic to convey exactly how I feel about that.

>>8888328
SHUT UP STEVE

>>8888252
He's great; he talks to rocks, wanders off, accuses people of doing things that they didn't, rolls for hallucinations occasionally, etc. Just read the DSM-IV on Schizophrenia and you've got a good idea.
>>8888301
Before them stood a transparent skeleton, standing 7 feet tall, wearing a large breastplate on his body and a crown of bone upon his head. It opened its mouth to speak, and said, "I am the Veil King, and I will do your bidding, if you will help me in mine." He explains to the party of his past.

The Veil King is, to use modern terms, the Grim Reaper. He guides souls to the afterlife, and tends to them there (NOTE: THROWING OUT D&D RELIGION AND INSERTING MY OWN). However, he also likes the dead more than the living - and at one point let some negative energy leak into the material plane, and thus undead were created. The powers of light, fearing these new creatures, locked him away. They could not stop new undead from being created by humans touched by the dark taint of death, however.

At least, that's what he tells the party. The truth is, he lead an invasion into the realm of the living with his army of the dead in order to take it over. He lost and got sealed away.

The side effect of him no longer being around is that souls have a much harder time making it to either Heaven or Hell, and spend much more time in the Veil King's Realm (a sort of negative-energy purgatory). When theses souls get lost, they morph and transform, becoming Demons. Neither the Devils of Hell nor the Angels and Gods of Heaven know about this yet, so they have done nothing to stop it.

Thanks for the thread guys! Had a good time reading through it! First thread was awesome aswell STORYTIEM. Time to plays me some TF2 and BG2. (Fuck I wish BG2 was more like your campaigns. It would become even more epic.)

>>8888415
There were many artifacts that had sealed the Veil King's power away. What they broke, in the middle of the temple of Rathma, was a particularly powerful one. He is now again able to take on corporeal form, but he is unable to much in the way of actual matter manipulation. His soul is tied to that spot - the last place he manifested himself before banished. Since these mortals have freed him, they are now tied to him. He offers them a deal: bring him souls of the dead, and seek out and destroy the other artifacts sealing him, and he will grant them great power. Since we're only like an hour into the game, the players go "yeah sure k" and agree. He informs them that they are in the underdark, the northern middledark to be exact, and gives them directions on the nearby area. There is a human settlement 3 days travel northwest through fairly large and well-lit tunnels at the bottom of a large vault, and several drow houses two days through twisting tunnels to the west. They head off to the human city.

What they encounter is more of a large military camp, with huge stone walls and a large gate. The whole cavern here is covered in luminescent fungus, and provides light enough to see where you're going. Two guards out front stop them, and bar them entry. They are more or less strip searched, their necks examined closely, and are begrudgingly sent into the city (their orders were to send in any new mercs, no matter what race).

They enter to find a somewhat desolate place. Hardly any women or children, and almost nobody in the streets. There are stone houses, some of which occasionally have magical lights on in them. It is almost dead silent walking around. What few people are there glare at them or quickly run off. It's obvious the players are outsiders, and are not welcome here.

So, what does any party do when faced with a situation like this? They go find a tavern and have a drink with some locals.

>They go find a tavern and have a drink with some locals.

Indeed, a sensible party.

>>8888566
The tavern, in contrast with the streets, is filled. Filled with scruffy, angry looking men, drinking bottles and flasks of some nasty underdark-plant-wine. Jerry Garcia asks for a beer, and the vague grumbling of the tavern turns to muffled laughter. "Where the hell you from, askin' for beer? Look, we got grog, or nothing." He orders a grog. Talking with the men in the bar, the party quickly finds out that this is a mining town, and they gather materials and minerals from some particularly rich rocks. What they also find out is that the city is on lockdown right now because "that damn Wilson doesn't know how to run a town" and "oh people be dyin', cuz a them damn mind flayers." The party's ears perk up at this - we can make a difference in this town, help save these people from the flayers! They ask about the city's government. It's more or less a dictatorship with a lot of cabinet members. They get pointed to the head of the town guard and watch, Jameson.

So, they head across town, eager to get any kind of work, and maybe get the locals to look at them a little kinder. Jerry realizes that some of the locals may suspect his undead (even though they are magically disguised), and puts the rest of them in his bag of holding (ingenious). They arrive at Jameson's tower, and get all diplomatic with the guards, and are granted an audience.

Jameson is a man in his late 20s with short brown hair and bags under his eyes. He wears the same type of armor the other guards do, just a little fancier, despite sitting at a desk. He greets the party, "You'll excuse me if I don't get up to greet you. If you're mercs for hire, we can use you. Else, you'd better get out of town, tonight."

Bump. Fuck all y'all in your quest threads or whatever bullshit. There's some epic tier shit going down and you fa/tg/uys should be in here for it.

>>8888720
The party quickly clarifies, that yes, they are mercs, and want to know what's happening. He explains the situation. "Our town has been fairly peaceful for some time; we're stuck pretty far back in these tunnels, and besides trade with the Drow and some Dwarves, I was certain most other races didn't even know we were here. About a week ago, we started getting hit, hard, by Mind Flayers. They've been sending waves against our walls, and we've lost a lot of good men, and had to spend far too much gold repairing our defenses. We expect another attack in the next day or two. If you can help, you'll be rewarded."

The party agrees, and asks what else they know about the threat.

"Well, they're not like normal mind flayers; they've been blindly sending forces against us. And not just flayers and their usual batches of slaves: they've been sending machinery at us, too. I've never heard of Mind Flayers making constructs before, so this may mean trouble. Oh, and one other thing, if any of you know about this, they always yell out 'Thoon'." The Alienist, who knows all about the far realms, has heard of Thoon, the mad mindflayer god. He waits until later to tell them, however. The party agrees to help, and agrees that they'll be staying at the inn, "St. Bickling's End", until they're called upon.

They head out, and start asking around town about Thoon. People still don't trust them, so get told "why, you one of em?" or "piss off, i've got a drink to tend to."

The next morning, they head back out into town, determined to find out something. They learn that there are wizards who keep a library in town, so they head that way. But, before they can make it...

FASTER FASTER MOURE

I'M MASHING F5 LIKE A GODDAMN WOODPECKER!

>>8888846
In a fairly deserted street, they are accosted by a lone man, dressed the same as any other in this city (dingy thick garbs). He tells them, in a commanding voice, "Stop asking about Thoon."
"What, why?"
"Stop asking about Thoon. For your own safety."
"Is that a threat, little man?"
"Stop asking about Thoon. For the good of this city. Leave tonight."
Several other people step out of alleyways, looking scared for their lives, but walking into formation around the one talking.
"What the hell is wrong with those people?", asked Jeffrey.
"They have come to see the light of Thoon, as you will too, someday. We offer you one last chance. Leave now."
The party notices the skin on the slaves start to swell and become veiney (not like that). Jeffrey says "well, I'm not leaving, so this is gonna be a problem!" and pulls out his crossbow.
The man talking's mouth opens wide, and a dart flies out and hits Jeffrey. The rest of the party has NONE OF IT, and downs him. They look at the slaves, who cower in fear and start advancing on the party.
"Stay back!"
The slaves charge them. One makes it to Fleur. It whispers, "I'm sorry", and explodes on her. The explosion sets off all the others, leaving blood, bone, and various other body parts all across the street. It is at this point that one of the city's patrol comes along going "HOLY JESUS FUCK WHAT HAPPENED HERE!?"

>>8888974

Ffffffffffuuuuuuck

>>8888932
>>8888854
TYPING AS FAST AS I CAN
>>8888974
They calm him down, explain what happen. They get told, "you'd better go see Jameson right now. We'll handle the cleanup." They grab the body of the leader and run over.
They are immediately ushered into Jameson's tower.
Directly inside, Jameson and a man in a dark cloak are having a heated argument.
"We can't do that now, it would endanger too many people!"
"If you have a better option, I'd like to hear it."
They see the party enter, carrying a dead body. Jameson's eyes widen. "WHAT did you DO?" They explain that, no, it's not their fault, and that they tried to kill them, and something about Thoon.

The man in the cloak introduces himself as Sven. He says, "I am a mage of some repute, sent here to help in this city's defense."
Fleur asks, "Sent by whom?"
He simply smiles and ignores the question. "It's somewhat auspicious that I arrive and you bring us this body. Come, we can do the autopsy of this man in the basement." Jameson rolls his eyes and motions them to follow.

The ones doing the cutting are Sven, Jeffrey, and Jerry. They examine the body, and note that a good deal of the tissue is not human at all, and that by all accounts this man has been dead for weeks. Jerry, having been hit by a throat dart (and almost passing out), cuts open the man's throat. Inside, he finds a large metallic bundle of tentacles, still barely twitching. Everyone is rather shocked by this fine. Githillan turns around from playing with a rock in the corner to go "oh, hey, he's a thoon infiltrator", before turning right back around.

MOAR OH GOD FEED MY HUNGRY ASSHOLE

>>8885384
I USED THAT PIC ONCE
ONCE
AND NOW IT'S EVERYWHERE

>>8887646

Fucking bodaks are the only monsters in D&D that actually creep me out, except for maybe those devourer things (ugh).

Who came up with these things anyway? Save or die instantly, as a gaze attack, at will? Yeah, that sounds like fun.

Not to mention that BODAK PROBLEM - if just one shows up in a village full of level 1 peasants, within 24 hours there will be a small army of CR 8 bodaks, spreading like a virus nightly throughout the countryside.

They got nerfed so hard in 4th edition - their CR is doubled, their gaze attack only works once per encounter, only drops to 0 HP instead of killing, and they have to hit you and you have to fail a save before their gaze attack will work properly. Also, you don't rise again as a bodak if they kill you.

>>8889143
They get told "Oh yeah, extradimentional parasite, eats humans, takes their bodies, work for Thoon. Pretty standard fare." Jerry, with a grin on his face, rips the parasite right out and examines it. It twitches wildly for a few seconds, and then dies. He goes "interesting, probably can't turn him into a zombie." Sven and Jameson give him a look, and he goes "er, um, nobody could, because his body's defiled, yeah."

Jameson motions for them to head back upstairs after washing up and ordering some guards to burn the body. "Things have gotten worse. If they've somehow managed to infiltrate our city, they may know much more about our defenses than we'd like them to. And who knows how many citizens have been turned into those walking bombs. I want you all to lay low for the next 20; I expect the Thoon armies will be attacking with a large force soon enough."

The party heads back to the tavern, and spend there day there, chatting it up with the pissed off out-of-work miners, drinking nasty grog and eating some kind of fuzzy something the locals say tastes good.

Then, after a few hours bells start ringing. People in the tavern quickly get up and run out. They hear tons of movement on the street. Confused, the party gets up and looks around outside. People are scattering everywhere into houses. A guard runs up to them, "Get to the south wall, immediately! Jameson's already there, he'll give you your orders!" They run off to the wall, to find men already stationed there. Jameson greets them. "Glad you made it. Our detection spells saw a huge thoon force moving this way. We've got maybe 5 minutes before they get here."

The party immediately splits up in preparation to defend the city. They have around 30 men on the ground, and about 30 on the towers and crenellations with bows.

>>8889284
You too, man?

>>8889313
Jeffrey, with his mad crossbow skills, and Fleur (being a Warlock) head up one of the towers to find Sven. They camp out there. Githillan wanders around. Jerry stands right behind the gate, looking confident, grinning like an asshole. A guard asks him, "You're the best we've got fighting for us? We're dead." He replies, "Don't worry, I've got it under control."

The thoon army arrives. Epic town defendan combat commences. I do one roll for the archers up top, and let each party member act separately. However, the thoon army is MASSIVE (and filled with robots), and they don't take much shit from the archers up top.

A Thoon Hulk, running much faster than the bulk of the army, quickly reaches the wall, and ignores the gate. It starts bashing the hell out of the wall. The ranged players switch all their firepower to it, and start pummeling it. It's not going to be good enough - it's made a sizable hole in the wall. Fleur yells "Sven! Can't you do ANYTHING about that? You're a mage, what other spells you got!?"
He goes, "All I have are creation spells. I could drop a wall of Iron it!"
"DO IT NOW!"
He does.
*CLANG*
One skooshed Thoon Hulk.

The bulk of the army is still to arrive, however, so the archers whittle down what they can. Jerry makes a wise choice, and throws an Evard's Black Tentacles right in the middle of them, sowing chaos. It doesn't take them out, though, and the army eventually makes it to their front gate.

>I could drop a wall of Iron it!

I came

>>8888415
>Veil King
>Breastplate, bone crown
>Rathma

You're a fan of Median XL, aren't you.

>>8889484
The Thoon armies start bashing down the gate. Sven, Fleur, and Jeffrey get down from their tower, as they can't hit anything from there anymore, but not before Jeffrey pegs the Mind Flayer leader in the head for massive damage. He yells, "FOR THOOOOON", falls over, and the rest of the army begins to glow softly. Behind the gate, soldiers with polearms are shitting themselves, some not-so metaphorically. While the Thoon army is at far less than half strength, it still is more than enough to wreck havoc on this city. All the while. Jerry is grinning like an idiot, standing tall.

The thoon constructs break through the gates.

Jerry turns his type iv bag of holding inside out.

Suddenly, in between the Thoon armies and him, are 1 Giant Velociraptor Skeleton, 8 Derro Skeletons, 4 Human Skeletons, 2 Troll Zombies, and 4 Ineffable Horror skeletons. The rest of the army shits itself.

Jerry's Grateful Undead are holding off the thoon army pretty well at this chokehold, but thoon constructs get stronger closer to death. They start hitting faster with their blades, and yell in a chorus of "DEATH BLOSSOMS IN THE NAME OF THOON! THOOOON!" It looks as though Jerry's army won't be able to hold! And then, over the din of the fighting, Jeffrey, coming off the tower, hears the loud clanging of fullplate and a man yelling "HEYYYY!"

>>8889608

HOLY FUCK THAT IS GODDAMN BRILLIANT

>>8889544
Mhmm. Played it to death. I'm shameless in stealing names, locales, and sometimes settings from other material. I'm absolutely awful at coming up with names.
>>8889608
Running up to the front of the battle is a man clad in extremely shiny, reflective, and obviously magical full plate. Despite this, he is running. He's carrying a sword almost as tall as he is, with glowing runes engraved into it. The thoon armies are on their last leg, and seeing this he yells, his deep voice booming, "WHO DIDN'T INVITE ME TO THE BATTLE!?" He bashes the undead out of the way, and starts hacking away at the thoon constructs, his weapon causing explosions with each hit. He easily destroys the rest of the thoon army.

The battle over, everyone breathes collective a sigh of relief. The city was safe, but the walls had taken major structural damage. The man with the expensive equipment looks around at the newcomers. He says, "You the mercs that Jameson told me about?" Confused the party nods. "Well, I'm Wilson, and I own this town. Jameson'll see to your pay. Thanks for seeing to the defense of this town, but I want you", pointing to Jerry, "and all your undead loving friends out of my town in 12 hours. You may have helped us, but by God no corpsefucker's gonna be living in my city." He then turns to walk off. Jerry kinda nods, accepting his fate. Jameson walks over and says in a low voice, "I'll talk to him and see about you guys staying. If you want to leave, you can..."

>>8889757
Jeffrey, the Halfling, is upset over this. He runs up to Wilson, and goes, "Hey! We did you a big service, you should be grateful!." He turns around, looks down and glares at the little dark-skinned halfling. He says, "I'm grateful you helped. But I'm not grateful we had to ask for your help. I'm not grateful for the men who died protecting that gate. And I'm not grateful there are STILL undead standing inside my gates. And I'm really not grateful for your lip. Get out of my sight." He starts turning back around, and Jeffrey goes, "That's no way to treat us! We want to help more! We'll do whatever we can!"

He turns back around, and kicks Jeffrey 5-feet backwards, yelling, "I said I was sick of your lip!" He pulls out a money pouch, throws it at the halfling, and says, "There's your pay, now get out before I have to put a price on your head."

The party begrudgingly starts heading out of town. Jameson runs over and says, "Look, can you just head out of town for a couple days? Let him cool off; I'll get your proper payment when you come back. I can't guarantee that you'll be able to stay here again, but I might still find ways you can help, and earn his trust. I'm sure the people will trust you; we just have to worry about our despot."

So, the party heads out of town. Among all the corpses, they happen to see small globs floating in the air. When they get near the globs, they wrap around their hands and disappear. Curious about this, they collect them all and head back.

On the way, they find an old man.

>>8889816
Ugh, actually, I am really tired. I'm gonna pick this up tomorrow. Expect a thread like 9 PM or so, and I'll tell the rest of the story of my campaign. Thanks for reading so far!

More please, sir

>>8889834
WHAT TIME ZONE?

>>8889864
EST, SORRY
I can't be sure on the time. Gotta help a friend move furniture and we're hanging out for a bit after that, so it might be more like 10 or 11, but I'll attempt to be on as soon as possible to continue.

>>8889898
I'll skip lunch to read. Thank you

>>8889898

what time is it for you now?

>>8889996
It should be 0300

>>8890020

cool thanks

Between this and STORYTIEM's archived thread... the manly tears... there is no end in sight. My passion for tabletop gaming has been single-handedly re-ignited by these tales!