holy crap what is that XBOXHEUG spider

Cup and paper

strength 10, AP 1

Vaccuum up spider, sell game controller that suddenly appeared in my house. The fuck?

Can I choose to avoid combat?
I'm sure that thing has more hit points than I do.

...fucking hate spiders.

>>9161878
Hobo spiders infest my house. My peripheral vision and hearing have become so keen that I can literally hear them crawling walls and detect their position in total darkness.

That's not a boast. I have literally become some sort of spider- killing abomination. IT SUCKS

>>9161924
Can you come to my house?

Quickdraw Dagger, hide in shadows

rolled 2 + 4 = 6

*Que http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uljVa4pd854&feature=related *

>>9161924
They're just training you to be the ultimate weapon.

You should become an exterminator and act like one of the crazy ones in the movie.

>>9161933
a/s/l?
That's Armament, Spider Level, and Location.

i have panic attacks when spiders pop up unexpected. So probably it'd go: PANIC -> grab an object -> hit spider with object till it stops looking like anything resembling a spider

>>9161878

Why? It's not even that big or properly poisonous.

>>9161987
Because if you're not careful, it will try and kill you. You'd be a fool to underestimate it.

Say ooh cool! And watch it for a while. Given the size I might take it outside, but Spiders are awesome anyway because they eat noisy annoying flying fuckers. That is, unless I'm in australia where everything is lethal. Then I kill it.

>>9162994
If it's in Australia, you leave it alone, or take it outside. Australia's where most things can kill you, but most of it just doesn't care enough.

Now, if you're in New Zealand... You get the biggest fucking shoe in your house, and beat yourself to death with it because New Zealand is where EVERYTHING CAN KILL YOU AND WANTS TO DO SO AS PAINFULLY AS POSSIBLE.

>>9163022
Oh! Good to know.

>>9163022

It's true. Most of our fauna are so lethal that no zoologist has managed to record their existence. Anyone who goes looking for them is as good as dead.

>>9163022
Huntsman Spider.
Harmless, keep as pets to keep mossies down.

I roll a natural 20 and attack with my vorpal shoe.

>>9163069
Why the fuck do you stay in NZ?

>>9163095

Well, it's an adventure. And petrol here is cheap as fuck. Which is just as well, I guess, since walking anywhere is a pretty good way to lose a foot.

rolled 12 = 12

FIESTA.

2 HP, 15 AC, +5 attack that does 1d3-4 and poisons?

I can take it.

Take hair spray, take lighter, light lighter spray and BURN MOTHERFUCKER BURN!

Fucking aye, New Zealander here. Shits deadly alright, death counts high and many resort to drugs to deal with the stress but hell there aint any other place on earth i'd wanna call home.

>>9163094

>>9163150
That is a 12d6 of painful fire right there.

>>9163150
and blow yourself the fuck up in the process.

>>9163022
> Australia's where most things can kill you, but most of it just doesn't care enough.

Mate, that's 'cause it's 40 degrees and 98% humidity IN THE FUCKIN' SHADE. It's to hot to be arsed killing anything.

>>9163200
lol never tried it huh?

>>9163200
Only if you spray-then-light.
If you light-then-spray, you get a nice little flamethrower, just make sure to hold the can 2-3 inches away from the lighter or we'll have problems.

>>9163169
>>9163207

I love that you guys are even typing with broad accents. Youse fullahs is rully evokung thu spirut uv tha nation, eh.

>>9163108

Hell yeah. Can't wait till it starts snowing all over the North Island. They said it's gonna happen really early this year. That should keep the god damn Keas under control. Fucking beasts keep swooping me, one took a slice of my head just yesterday.

Bloody 'ell, how'd that little bugger get there? Wait right there, you little shit. You'll regret ever crawling on my 360.

Now, where did I put me patrol boots?

Just a callobius severus. Totally harmless, they can bite but have no poison. Let the big guy go in your neighbors basement.

>>9163219
It's harder than it looks.

>>9161878

Why? Spider wouldn't be there if there wasn't vermin to eat. OM NOM NOM away little friend.

>>9163568
Thats what he said...

>>9163631

I do not fear spiders, for I am spiders incarned.

Why would I set my gaming buddy on fire. I can never win against they guy sure, but he is teaching me his mad eight arm Tekken moves.

>>9163207
40 degrees? Pfft. You pussy.

>>9163767
I think he means celsius. That would be about 105 degrees in farenheit.

>>9163022
WALOS.

New Zealand is where nothing kills you at all, because everything but the moari learned to get along.
Except Kea learned that sheep were delicious.

rolled 11 = 11

I attempt to scroll to the next thread.

>>9163767
>>9163782

Indeed, celsius. a 40-degree day is also what we call "Watch the tourists pass out from heat exhaustion and laugh at their pathetic constitutions. Then drink beer." weather.

i love big spider threads

brings all the australians out. We just can't help ourselves

australia: where day to day life is an rpg

>>9163820
u so tough.

>>9163835
That would be awesome.

>>9163856
i doubt it.

Most oz /tg/ dwellers are terrified of the outside world, the sun turns them into pools of whining goo, and they all get drunk walking past a bottle shop

lmao, i'm in that group too, but at least collosal ass spiders don't freak me out

I failed my fear check, gained 1d5 insanity, and am now running away.

>>9163906
Damnit.... are you my twin? Which one of us is the evil one?

>>9163891
not really

the spiders are either FUCK OFF massive or tiny and fatal
the snakes are either FUCK OFF massive or massive and deadly
crocodiles get big enough to eat sharks
blue ringed octopus and cone shelss will kill you dead and it's likely you won't have seen them

i could go on. And on. And on

>>9163906
I quite like the upper thirties weather myself. It's at around 30+ that I actually feel awake. My theory: I'm part of the process of Australians becoming cold blooded.
At around 45 it becomes pretty unbearable though.

>>9163655
FYI: Those are harvestmen, they're not spiders.

They've just discovered that dingos can go 22 days without water or something. That's how a domestic dog had to evolve to survive here.

This is why I love Canada.
One half of the year it's too damned cold for spiders to be out and about.
The other half all we get are relatively harmless spiders that are dumb enough to scurry across the floor and make themselves squishable.

>>9163966

WE ARE HERE FOR THE HARRRVESSST.

>>9163974
I'm slightly annoyed at our lack of beavers. Beavers are crazy enough to belong in Australia.

>>9163996

Eurobro here, would a pet beaver be viable?

>>9164005
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppdqmCmO9a0

>>9164018

GLORIOUS.

>>9163996
we have the platypus though

world's only venomous mammal! Fuck yeah

>>9164018
THAT IS AMAZING

I LOVE CANADA NOW

>>9164018
Now I'm going to have to make a ranger with a beaver animal companion.

>>9164018

I -think- I remember that commercial.

God damn, the older Canadian beer commercials were hilarious.

>>9163022

Wat.

Is there more than one New Zealand, some other incredibly dangerous New Zealand which I haven't heard of? Which for some reason hasn't been named New New Zealand to ease confusion.

Most dangerous thing I've ever come across in the 20+ years I've spent here is probably this one brown sheep that had a tendency to headbutt everything. I didn't really hurt, but it was sort of unnerving.

Also.
>>9163094

Is it weird that I find this sort of cute?
Baby spiders.

Anyway. I pick up spider with bare hands because I'm a manly testosterone driven beast, then gently deposit said spider outside without harming it because I'm a pathetic tree hugging hippie dipshit.

Then I play xbox and get to experience the joy of 12 year olds swearing at me until my crappy internet has a fit and dies for a day or two.

Don't come to New Zealand folks, it kind of sucks.

>>9164018
You. Are. The GREATEST. Person. On. /tg/. Tonight.

>>9164113
I enjoyed your country, the wildlife didn't try to kill me, and was huge and charming.

I wish New Zealand to become a vassal state of Australia, but no one else likes that idea.

>>9164164
you already are

why do you think you have a team in all of australia's sporting comps

>>9164100
Here's another one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J2pJz_baD8&feature=related

>>9164164

It'll never happen, we're taught to hate Australia from a young age, it's ingrained in all of us.

Plan is, I think. To slowly increase the number of New Zealanders "immigrating" to Australia until we outnumber the Australians, then take over the country and rename it New New Zealand, then return home, taking all your gold, women and golden women if you have any of those with us.

And without those key elements your nation will be powerless.

>>9164183

Who else are we going to compete with?
Fiji?

We don't have many other decent nearby choices.

>>9163142
2d10 con damage poison. Enjoy death feygoat

>>9164225
Yeah we already know about that one, the possums told us after we introduced them to do the exact same thing.

>>9164243
There's always south africa.

>>9164263
...Stick WHAT on the Barbie?

>>9164038
I'm pretty sure koalas are venomous, too.

>>9164300
They just taste really bad.

>>9164300
Drop Bears.

ok, since it's abundantly clear we have ausfags and visitors to ausfaggia lurking, let me ask a question:

on your journies through australia quest, what's the worst thing you've come across?

Mine: a spider with the body shape of a red back, but the size of a huntsman. It moved like an 80's slasher villain: doesn't matter how fast you run, it keeps walking and it still gets there first.

Creepiest thing ever

>>9164319
I love scaring tourists with that.

>>9164319
A baby drop bear killed fifty dingoes last Thursday with it's venomous attack.

>>9164300
no, they're poisonous. Koala meat is toxic thanks to the pure eucalyptus diet

>>9164300

No sir.

>>9164319

>>9164321
I hate spiders that move like that.
"I have a destination. Your destination."

As much as I love the New Zealand in this thread, this picture is more accurate.

>>9164321
The worst thing that has happened to me was probably ants, to be honest. I was posing for a photograph and didn't notice that it was a nest. The bastards crawled all over me without my noticing, then must have released the chemical for "Attack" because they all bit at once. I jumped about a meter in the air at that point, and it was fifteen minutes of hard work trying to get the bastards off me.

Second worst thing was going to a nude beach and having a jellyfish wrap itself around my balls. Fuck the beach. I don't go anymore.

>>9164388

Daw...

>>9164321
Finding out what a stone fish looks like, thinking back to all the tidal pools I played in as a kid, and realising there could have been one in every single pool and I wouldn't have known.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonefish

>>9164392 having a jellyfish wrap itself around my balls
Dude... that's nasty... I have no reaction images for just how nasty that sounds...

I heard in Austrailia, there's a type of Spider which, if it feels threatened, will rear up on its hind legs, screech at you, then charge aggressively.

Can anyone confirm/deny? I think I may have found my new favorite animal if it's true.

>>9164392
fell out of bed laughing at part 2.

Sorry dude. Been there kind of. Friend of mine threw one of those big blue jellyfish at me and got me square in the ear.

No, it wasn't a bluebottle

>>9164321

I was in the water somewhere on some touristy crap in the great barrier reef. There was some type of barracuda. They're fucking freaky looking.
I was not enjoying being near it.
But I did see a turtle.
Turtles are awesome.

>>9164321
I started looking up pics of funnelweb spiders, I was going to post one and ask if that was what you saw. But then I realised I'd never be able to sleep tonight, so I stopped.
Huntsman spiders? No problem. Redbacks? Easy as. Funnelwebs? Brrrrrr.

Oh god blue bottles have ruined the beach for me.

>>9164424
deny

australian critters aren't polite enough to warn you that they're there

>>9164424
Enjoy your insomnia.

>>9164321
get rolled up newspaper from mailbox, redback crawls out onto my hand and I flicked it away in surprise.

>>9164424
You're thinking of lizards, not spiders.

At times like these I can really be happy I live in a country that doesn't have poisonous aquatic creatures, the most dangerous snake is an adder that has an easily treatable bite, and all the spiders are tiny, non-venomous and generic-looking.

>>9164430
>throwing eachother with jellyfishes
What the fuck, aussies.

>>9164424
Funnelwebs. They have to rear up to get their fangs clear.

>>9164321
Oh wait, it's "The worst thing you've come across" not "The worst thing that has actually attacked you".

At school camp in the Adelaide hills many years ago it rained nearly constantly. As a result the nearby bush emptied itself of spotted trapdoor spiders, who all crawled to the bunks for shelter from the rain (their trapdoor nests get flooded, you see".

Basically one night the teachers didn't get any sleep as they spent the whole night killing spiders that were crawling under the doors. There weren't enough teachers for all the bunks though and they had to do the rounds, so a few did get in to people's shoes and bags, which meant everyone had to check their stuff. It was a nightmare and a few kids pissed themselves.

By dawn spiders were still marching towards the bunks and had taken over the showers.

Second worse would have been going to a misc. creek in NT at night and turning a torch on, only to see the reflection of a half dozen or so crocodile eyes.
We ran far away.

>>9163022
>Australia's where most things can kill you, but most of it just doesn't care enough.

Cassowaries, those agressive fuckers don't need an excuse. You're on two legs? RAGEBIRD!!!

>>9163935
And there's these fuckers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_jumper_ant
"jack jumper ants cause more deaths in Tasmania than spiders, snakes, wasps, and sharks combined."

>>9164411
Cigarette snail is the one that freaks me the fuck out. All them shells I collected as a kid? Looking back, some of them WERE cigarette snail shells. Thank fuck a) there weren't any in there, and b) Mum took adrenaline, anti venoms, etc. (y'know basic first aid) to the beach, every time.


>>9164424
Oh, screaming loony spiders. Yeah, though they're not technically spiders. . .

>>9164492
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE IN AUSTRALIA?

>>9164471
>insomnia

Fuck that, he's awesome. Look at him. I bet he's all FUCK YOU I'M A SPIDER. You will never be as badass as that spider.

>>9164512

>>9164512
No one else wanted it, well okay, the aborigines kinda liked it, but there was plenty of space and it was to hot for them to complain when we moved in. Boy did they make a mistake.

>>9164492
fell out of bed again. Some of these stories are hillarious

I used to hate spiders with a passion but one day there was this fucking annoying fly in my room and it had been flying around being an annoying little fuck for about a hour and a half.
then he flew right into a spider web by my window, the spider immediately OM NOM NOM NOMD it. he became my spider bro, just sitting there eating bugs as flew in through the open window.

Googles "huntsman spiders" to test my manliness levels.

Wikipedia

>"These eight-eyed spiders are found in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Southeast Asia, the Mediterranean, Florida, and Hawaii, and possibly in many other tropical and semi-tropical regions."
>"...New Zealand..."

Shit.

Fuck you Australia, giving us your crazy ass mutated monster animals but not giving us your uranium or nice beaches.
Fuck you with a brick that has HIV positive blood on it.

Africa is clearly far more dangerous than Australia. Remember that story about a guy who fought and killed a Lion which attacked him with his bare hands then got killed by a pack of Hyenas? Loads of people get killed by animals in Africa, the closest you get to that sort of thing is the occasional shark attack.

>>9164392

> a jellyfish wrap itself around my balls.

While we're all on deathbugs and shit:
>>9152579
and
http://arthropocalypse.forum-motion.com/forum.htm

Bug RPG, "Arthropocalypse" /tg/ was shi/t g/ets done at earlier today. /tg/ project, play as a Screming Loonie spider, jack jumping ant, bombardier beetle or as a Hercules beetle, wondering around kicking ass, taking names, conquering Australia and doing all sorts of awesome.

>>9164492
>By dawn spiders were still marching towards the bunks and had taken over the showers
I dont care how much beach you have.
you are being fucking invaded by a spider army.

>>9164574
Huntsmen are awesome, sure they're huge, but they're harmless and they eat the other bugs.

Though it was kinda freaky when we had one sitting on the back of a dinner plate, and it's legs where wrapped around the opposite sides of the plate.

>>9164492
Without Number

>>9164574
>or nice beaches.

Wait, you don't have beaches in New Zealand? Damn, the country sounded like a really nice deal.

>>9164512
To see how far I can get here, really. Certainly not because of the beaches. Fuck the beaches.

You think that's bad? These things are insects the size of a cat.

Be glad they live in deep waters.

>>9164584

If everyone started living in the outback instead of in cities I'm pretty sure you'd start to see similar incidents.

>>9164492
"Right guys. Let's get in from the rain."
"Er...Boss, dere's some humans in 'ere."
"Eh, fuck 'em. Remember, they're more afraid of us than we are of them. If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. Now...oooh...Shoes. Hello new home..."

>>9164629
Aww yeah, this is now a giant isopod thread

>>9164615
Deathworld training, baby. You've done well.

>>9164574
>lives in New Zealand
>is worried about spiders
Dude, spiders would be the least of my worries in a place full of Maori warriors.

>>9164652
Spiders are like women, they love shoes.

>>9164612
Oh, they *do* have plenty of nice beaches, but they're in the middle of fucking nowhere.

It's the same here in Tasmania, but our best beaches are up north, and are scattered with sharp rocks, quicksand and dead whales.

>>9164629
Giant Isopod attempt mindcontrol.

>>9164598
When I was a child one took up residence in my toy castle, didn't touch that thing for at least a month.

>>9164612

Well, they're alright.
We only have like, two beaches with golden coloured sand though. And one in the capital which bought some nice sand from elsewhere.


>>9164629

I daw'd.

>>9164656
WHAT IS THAT MAN THINKING?!? THROW THAT VILE CREATURE BACK IN THE SEA BEFORE IT DEVOURS YOUR BRAIN!

>>9164656
>>9164629
is there a way to make napalm burn underwater?
because we should get right on it and dump a metric fuckton of it into the ocean to kill these things.

>>9164660

Oh they're harmless.

You give them one joint and that's it, ability to fight with anyone other than their wife and children is immediately negated.

OH NO LETS KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THE SPIRITS OF LIGHT

>>9164664
>whales

You know what you must do.

Look at the lower image and tell me that it does not OOZE malice.

>>9164538
Ok, we have that too (not the size, but the same proportion)... the most dangerous thing in NZ is the lack of culture.

>>9164674
Two beaches beat fuckload of beaches infested with Irukandji

>>9164698

I thought we were still talking about spiders for a second there.

best thing about australia: the women.

Spider on the roof the size of her face, not a problem
snake in the laundry, don't worry about it, it'll leave of its own accord.

Moth in hair... FREAK OUT!!!!!!!

Animals are smalltime. There is nothing organic that can match the sheer apathy and malevolence of ClF3

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlorine_trifluoride

>>9164705
Everything is going Just as planned.

>>9164705

Aw... It's planning something sinister.

Armok help me I can't seem to not find these things adorable.

>>9164584
In Australia you don't kill the first animal, it gets you from behind, and you pass out miniutes later.
>>9164718
It works on them too. Old aussie trick, boil some MJ or some magic mushrooms, and pour the steam over a trapdoors nest. They won't attack, you, they're chilling. After a little while they get the munchies and go looking for some noms. . . easiest way to get them out of your potplants or some such inside.

>>9164725
At least they don't have huge moths, like this one, don't they?

>>9164727

>reads article
>this shit lights you on fire if it touches you
>the burning produces ACID GAS
>the acid gas kills you

...jesus christ.

>>9164674

Eh, that's perfectly fine. No beaches at all around here. Can I come over to your country and stay? It seems like a nice place.

>>9164710
ah that's a bit harsh

irukandji are only found north of gympie, and not even australians give a shit about what's north of gympie. Not even the aussies that live there

>>9164725
If they happen to be your mother it can be a bit of a problem.

"OH GOD OW THE ANTS! THE ANNNNNTS! ARGGGGH!!"
"HOLD STILL I'M TRYING TO GET YOU IN FOCUS!"

Or
"MUM LET ME INSIDE THE KANGAROO IS CHASING ME FOR MY APPLE! HE'S GONNA SCRATCH ME! I CAN'T KEEP RUNNING! MUUUUUUM"
"Just let me get the camera!"

>>9164750

Provided that thing doesn't have some sort of horribly, horribly malicious secret like venom or something...

That's actually pretty fucking cool.

>>9164727
>>9164753
sweet jesus
napalm and WP are smalltime compared to this shit.

>>9164727

Fuck year, CIF3. It will take things that have already been burned and BURN THEM AGAIN.

>>9164753
>Exposure of larger amounts of chlorine trifluoride, as a liquid or as a gas, ignites tissue. The hydrolysis reaction with water is violent and exposure results in a thermal burn. The product of hydrolysis is mainly hydrofluoric acid and hydrochloric acid, usually released as steam or vapor due to the highly exothermic nature of the reaction. Hydrofluoric acid is corrosive to human tissue, absorbs through skin, selectively attacks bone and stimulates pain nerves, and causes a potentially lethal poisoning. Hydrochloric acid is secondary in its danger to living organisms, but is more corrosive to most nonliving materials than hydrofluoric acid.

Acid gas which just happens to cause pain and death and OH LOOK MORE ACID GAS. FUCK.

>>9164321
Worst thing I saw was a gang of sudanese refugees.
Spiders and Snakes ain't got nothin' on that.

>>9164750
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hercules_Moth

We get these ones. They motor along too, one gets you in the face, it's an odd feeling, like being hit by a nerf dart, then it's gone.

>>9164705
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ1C1N4OG9s&feature=related

>>9164495

Cassowary hate everything. EVERYTHING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0wsiLWLQLU&feature=player_embedded

>>9164750

Holy shit, that is fucking awesome!

Fuck this.
We should have just left Australia and chlorine alone.

>>9164800
Watch that with this in the background
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvCI-gNK_y4

>>9164805
Basically stay away from any bird with a viking helmet.

What pisses me off is that they live in dense undergrowth and you can't really see them in the wild until you're right on them,and then it's battle tiem.

>>9164574
I thought I read "Huntsman Sniper." I'd've been totally with you on that one.

Hold on, does Australia get locusts, I forget if you do.

God, I can handle most stuff.
Stick insects sort of unnerve me for some reason, but other than that I'm cool with most insects. But Locusts man... Fucking locusts terrify the shit out of me.

And I routinely find these fuckers in my shoes if I leave them outside.
Fact you didn't want to hear: They're related to grasshoppers, they can jump.
Can also survive freezing to death.
Like, actually to death.
And then come back alive.

>>9164845
>Can also survive freezing to death. Like, actually to death. And then come back alive.
See, you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to BURN THEM MOTHERFUCKERS

>>9164800
>>9164828

Magical

>>9164845
Yeah we've got the largest locust swarms in record for the area at the moment. Fucking shit is going to be intense. I'm thinking we should export that shit to thailand or china. Somewhere where they eat them.

>>9164845
They basically are grass hoppers that have been rubbed on their legs a certain way. Causes a biological change that makes them go dire.

>>9164845
I hate any insect that has a tendancy to come in "swarm" or "plague" numbers.

forgot i had this

>>9164864

Ah, but unlike Australia, there aren't many brushfires in the vicinity that would make this method economically sound.

But yeah, I do that sometimes.
They make these popping noises.

>>9164840
Can't you just outrun them?

>>9164901
lmao no

fucking velociraptors with feathers and rage

>>9164901
Depends on the forest and how angry the bird is.

>>9164901

They can run up to 50km an hour (30 something miles an hour)

No you can't.

I wish there was footage of that guy who got in a twenty minute battle with a wombat and ended up having to kill it with an axe.

>>9164845
Dey look lahk Pawns. We aren't sposed to call em dat but dats what dey look lahk.

>>9164930
What the shit? There should be a fuckton of campaigns to eradicate the motherfuckers then.

>>9164946

The fuck you say bitch?

>>9164901

See the giant bony crest? That's basically a crash helmet so they can careen straight through small trees. That's right, THROUGH. They can also jump 1.5m.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassowary

>>9164943
gotta love the way all of our "cute and cuddlies" have serious fuck you attitude

koalas, wombats, roos, all of them will fuck your shit if they don't like you

>>9164969
Cassowarys hate trees, but they live in forests. So they are ALWAYS PISSED OFF. It's like some cosmic circle of rage.

>>9164969
I had a terryfing dream that was like the long grass scene in Jurassic park but with Cassowarys instead of Velociraptors

>>9164970
Wombats are just the tanks of IRL animals. I've seen cars come off worse for a collision with them things. . .

And roos, you telling me a 2m big red is cuddly? Fuck that, it's like a horse mixed with a rabbit and an ogre. Kills more tourists then great whites they do. . .

>>9164943
> twenty minute battle with a wombat and ended up having to kill it with an axe
>a fucking wombat
your joking right?

>>9164969
That expression SCREAMS "Reaction image"

>>9165000
Lol no. Let me see if I can find the article.

>>9165000
>>9165006
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/04/06/2865005.htm

>>9165000

Do not be fooled by their hamster like appearance.
Their ass alone has enough power to crush your skull.

>>9164988
There is no /tg/ image that shows just how angry these birds get. . . NONE. Not even that one.

Imagine if IRL every single person you met was the most infuriating troll ever, just by existing. And you lived in a dense crowded city. No matter how many you kill or whatever you can't escape and they're always everywhere. . .

>>9165027
How about this one?

>>9165023
>Apparently it attacked his leg and got him to the ground and started attacking his chest, then Brucey killed the wombat and got taken to hospital in an ambulance
it fucking tackled a man to the ground.
jesus why do people live in this country, even your cute and cuddly animals can kill you.

>>9165023
I like how they used the cutest picture of a wombat they could find, without mange or anything.

Stacks of wombats have mange these days, it's really sad, and a bit scary.

Don't they kill themselves amongst each other?

>>9165023
>"Apparently it attacked his leg and got him to the ground and started attacking his chest, then Brucey killed the wombat and got taken to hospital in an ambulance," she said.

>Brucey.

Credible source or they have certainly done their homework.

>>9165042
Not even close.

>>9165044
see
>>9164538

>>9164727

Chlorine trifluoride is for pussies.
Try some dimethyl mercury on for size:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethylmercury

Spill two drops of that yourself while wearing thick, protective gloves. Make them latex. Doesn't matter. It WILL soak through in seconds, it WILL be absorbed through your skin. And now you're dead.

You may not know it for a week or two, but you've just been horribly poisoned. You will die convulsing as your brain shuts down, within a year, and there is nothing you can realistically do about it.

>>9165052
>stacks of wombats

My mind, it is fertile with the magic of imagination.

Land animals ain't shit.

>>9165069
And that beach has redbacks, stonefish, sea snakes, jellyfish... Try to run away and you'll find cassowaries in the bush.
Not even Steve Irwin survived Australia.

>>9165089

Aren't they just huge, tasty and immobile once they get out of the water?

>>9165072
>Therefore, most laboratory gloves do not provide adequate protection from it, and the only safe precaution is to handle dimethylmercury while wearing highly resistant laminated gloves underneath long-cuffed neoprene or other heavy-duty gloves. A long face shield and work under a fume hood are also indicated.

If it doesn't require a Level A suit, it's smalltime.

>>9165104

>>9165111

According to the wiki article, they have a gentle disposition. I thought that was awesome.

>>9165089
I'm trying to find the Australian desert crab, that lives inland and drinks the condensation that accumulates on it's shell, but I can't find info on it on the web.

>>9165134

>>9165104
thats not cool man.

>>9165134

Well, if I was a huge-ass underwater spider, I'd certainly be laid-back like fuck. I mean, what's there to be afraid of?

>>9165104
>Not even Steve Irwin survived Australia.

oh u

Look inside that hole. Each one of these wasps are as big as your thumb and kill like 70+ people a year. These mofos go around attacking normal beehives. About 100 of these kill 10,000 normal bees for lulz and then pig out on the honey and larva.

animooted

>>9161878
>>9164891
>>9164845
>>9164813
>>9164750
>>9164705
>>9164706
>>9164703
>>9164656
>>9164629
>>9164471
>>9164388
>>9164298
>>9164263
>>9163921
>>9163655
>>9163094
>>9161878

ѦƖИƖѲИƧ!

>>9165178
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

>>9165203
I have to wonder how a colony of that size sustains itself

>>9165219
Eathing the poor children passing by.

>>9165219
The flesh of the damned

>>9165178
Wasps are bitches. Had some caught in my chimney. Woke up one day, crawled out of bed, took a piss and came back to my bed, and discovered every surface was crawling with dead or dying European wasps. What the fuck.

>>9165219
I'd say it's just shooped, but those spiders are really light and would require such little energy to stay alive. Or they could have recently hatched.
Either way, it's pretty cool that there are so many of them. Like a little Spider City.

>>9165239
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet

>>9165259
I like the japanese honeybees defense against that guy.

Canada Here,

We're Big and Beautiful but minus the deadly shit.

It generally cant survive the winter.

>>9165293

For the unelightened - they hug the Hornet to death.

>>9165178

And yet...the hive is so beautiful...

>>9163108
>Implying there aren't spiders lurking in the footwell of your car.
In fact, some vehicle designs just have a gaping hole under the dash, above the pedals, since it's not as if you're going to see it. It'd be a great place for predatory creatures to instinctively lurk, and the vibrations of a vehicle moving off would probably rouse and possibly even dislodge them.

Another fun australia fact:

we don't have rabies in australia; we're actually quite paranoid about it reaching our shores.

Don't know why. We already have BAT RABIES!

More deadly than regular rabies, the only reason fewer people die (per capita of course) is that most people have the common sense to stay away from bats the size of a dog.

Oh yeah, we have bats the size of dogs. Good sized dogs too.

>>9165349
If it's small enough that a taipan can eat it, it's not a dog.

fuck yeah Germany!
the most dangerous animals here that are remotely living near you are... well... cats and dogs.

there is just one snake that is poisonous for humans and thats just for the old, weak and children
no poisonous spiders here (though I've seen one that was almost as big as my palm, but that's it).
bees, hornets and wasps could in theory kill you if you are highly allergic.
The worst thing here is an annoying itch from a Nematocera (the not-so-large-and-evil sisters of the mosquitos)

Fuck yeah! Civilised paradise!

well /tg/, it's time for my fatass to head to bed. Uni tomorrow...

Hope this gets screencapped or archived or whatever because it's been fucking win

/thread for me

>Spider thread

>>9164392
>going to a nude beach and having a jellyfish wrap itself around my balls
If you can speak in anything but squeaks now, you possibly have the highest CON score known to man.

>>9164663
Or dwarves.

No, wait, we'd previously established that nature's Dorfs are ants: http://archive.easymodo.net/cgi-board.pl/tg/thread/8752676#p8753949

>>9164727
Ugh. Chemicals that can burn fucking SAND are just wrong.

>>9164727
Of course, there are similar things you can accidentally make in a school chemistry lab:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/darwin/post367481
>For those that don't know, Hydrofluoric acid is particularly nasty because it doesn't really burn the skin - it sinks through and dissolves your bones from the inside.
>The reaction with bones is catalytic, too, so once it starts it just keeps going. If you get splashed and don't deal with it at once, the ONLY treatment is amputation at the next major joint up.

>>9164710
do you mean Irukandji jellyfish or Irukandji aborigines?

>>9165737
>implying that Irukandji aborigines are not hundreds of jellyfish in skinbags

>>9165027
/co/ here, trying to help out as best as I can...

>>9165841

>>9165860
or this one?

>>9165882
Needs more AM speech from I Have No Mouth.

>>9165003

>>9166405
>text not centered

I QUESTION YOUR IMAGE MACRO CREATION SKILLS

>>9165860

You'd think he'd dehydrate sometime considering he's puking that stuff literally in EVERY SINGLE PANEL.

>>9166434
Centred text would have partially obscured the crest and the reduced contrast would have made it harder to read. Just be thankful I didn't make a "demotivator" which was not actually a sarcastically subverted motivational poster.

>>9166453

>>9166546

"You will die next" would also have worked.

>>9166586
I think the photo nicely captures the moment where man and cassowary have just become aware of each-other's presence, since that bird is /not yet/ flipping out.

But that it will is now inevitable, because you've accidentally got right up in its face.

>Wikipedia page for cassowaries
>Not that dangerous
>Average injury just 1.5cm-diameter puncture wounds
>only 1.5cm
>Slightly smaller than a dime

>>9166664
And then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U

>>9165841
The only picture that can encompass the rage of a Cassowary is another picture of a Cassowary.

Equip can of Raid and BBQ lighter.
Place flamer template to see if spider is in range.
Bathe spider in purifying flames.

let dog off leash to tank shock the spider's corpse to be sure.

I don't roll, i just throw the dice at it.

>>9165301
>>9165301
>>9165301

Agreed. I like how our winter kills these damn poisonous fuckers and bugs.

If I die to some wild animal, I want to be fighting a bear or moose... not fucking stun by some little poisonous fucker.

Seriously.. you Aussies have balls to put up with that shit your continent throws at you.

>Irukandji jellyfish
>The first-known of these jellyfish, Carukia barnesi, was identified in 1964 by Dr. Jack Barnes; in order to prove it was the cause of Irukandji syndrome, he captured the tiny jelly and stung himself, his son, and a life guard.

>>9165430
Lies, Germany is plenty dangerous.

>>9161878
He's just looking for some ladies, let him find one!

This thread still going?

Venerable Threadnought!

>>9173343
It's a great thread showcasing New Zealand humour.
Polite sage for off topic post in an off topic thread.

Could someone archive this? I just tried but my archive-fu is weak.

roll over initiative 5, now you have a new playmate for Bioshock2

rolled 6 = 6

BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKER

rolled 1 = 1

Cool, an Xbox controller. I play some halo.

>>9176711

TAKE INITIATIVE

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

*rolls 3 d10's*
*zero on two of them*

*Gives in to fear and passes out*

>>9164392
Bulldogs by any chance?

>>9165301
DON'T MIND ME, I AM JUST COMPENSATING FOR THE LACK OF DEADLY SHIT. I KILL FULL GROWN MOOSE ON A REGULAR BASIS HOLY FUCK

>>9164705
NIDS'

Where is your God now?

>>9164845
That looks like a weta cricket australia/newzeland have them.