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  • File : 1271657098.jpg-(109 KB, 800x600, Recovered_JPEG_128.jpg)
    109 KB Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:04 No.9285850  
    Loot
    Alien Repair Bots
    Mysterious Alien Sphere (0% analysed)
    Demonic Ace of Spades - Alicia's Phylactery

    Mansion Status:
    Facilities: Beachfront property, Huge Yacht
    Kitchen: Average (3 of 5)
    Decor: Good (4 of 5)
    Gardens: Average (3 of 5)
    Repair: PERFECT (6 of 5)
    Beach: Good (4 of 5)

    Staff
    Reginald, Your Butler (Devoted)
    Samantha, Your Head Maid (Devoted) - LOVE
    Kristopher, formerly Katherine, the redheaded trap-kun (Distant)
    Felicia, the cute catgirl (Warm) - SEXED
    Jehanne, the paladin of Bahamut (Trust) - LOVE
    Alicia, the former Demon Queen of Lust, now in possession of Katherine's Love (Warm)
    SISTER FUCKING CARMINE, THE FUCKING FEMALE FUCKING ANGRY MARINE! (Angry)
    Koyomi, your Japanese gamer science nerd. (Neutral)

    100 XP

    It is Morning of Day 9 of 30. You're on a boat, motherfuckers.

    WHAT DO?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:06 No.9285867
    Well, if I'd known anyone else woulda liked Katydid, I woulda spoke out sooner. Sorry.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:06 No.9285875
    >>9285850
    Take a good, hard look at the motherfuckin' boat
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285889
    FLIP BURGERS
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285896
    Sleep.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285903
    >>9285850

    This. >>9285875

    Turn on some music, tell everyone to relax and have fun. That's an order!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285907
    Speak to Reginald about why he just walled up boat instead of killing the monster squid?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285911
    >>9285850
    >Mysterious Alien Sphere (0% analysed)
    Wait, I thought Koyomi did a bunch of analysis on that?
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285914
    >>9285875

    You're on a boat, motherfucker, take a look at you,
    Sailing on the sea is what you fucking do.
    Bustin' five knots, wind whippin' at your coat,
    Can't stop you, you're on a MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:07 No.9285915
    > WAT DO

    fap, obviously.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:08 No.9285921
    Masturbate.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:08 No.9285924
    >>9285911
    She must be slacking. Best punish her with anal.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:09 No.9285946
    >>9285924
    I'd suggest we inquire about the progress made. But anal is also good.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:09 No.9285958
    Go under the deck and attempt to masturbate to feel better
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:10 No.9285966
    >>9285946
    >>9285924
    I can get behind this.

    ... no pun intended.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:10 No.9285974
    >>9285911

    Oh yes. That reminds me: Koyomi is still on shore. She should have a report on the analysis of the sphere when you get back, and we'll update the status when she reports.

    >>9285921
    >>9285915
    You do the traditional thing: whipping your cock out of your blue anchor-print pajamas, you start fapping furiously while looking out the portal of your master cabin at the beautiful deep blue sea.

    "Nyuuu?" You hear a familiar voice. Felicia is poking her head out from under the covers and rolls over onto her back cutely, looking up at you with a :3 smile.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:11 No.9285987
    This may be a small thing, but we do need to ask Jehanne about her new deity still. We never quite got around to that since the whole nude whipping/rulebook incident.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:12 No.9285997
    >>9285974

    THIS CABIN IS NOT SOUNDPROOFED SAMANTHA IS ON BOARD DO NOT WANT
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:12 No.9286002
    By the way: for those of you who see "yacht" and think "small boat."

    . . .

    http://seawayblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/part-of-my-job-is-as-nautical.html

    . . . think something more like this.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:12 No.9286006
    >>9285551
    This is what fear is.
    Fear isn't knowing what can kill you or being aware of impending arse whooping.
    Fear is knowing that the things you have regarded as Good, Right, and Holy - the pillars of your existence - will be flipped upside-down right under your nose, turning that which you love into abberations and transforming the Comfortable Home in your mind into a foreign wasteland. There's nothing you can do to cope with it, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

    In this case, it's not that threatening as it means Love between two people jumps to a different set of two people. But an emotional relationship with the people you care for is no longer something forged over years and nigh-unbreakable. It's something that can switch to your worst enemy at a moment's notice - AND your enemy can then use that love that you burned your soul to build as a weapon against you - knowing that to fight back means to piss upon that which you hold sacred, but giving you no other option.

    This seems interesting. Game on. I'm interested to see what the Lolibus is plotting.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:12 No.9286012
    >>9285997
    Yeah, probably not a good idea
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:12 No.9286016
    >>9285987

    What the FUCK did I miss. o_o
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:13 No.9286019
    >>9285974

    Every time Felica goes "Nyuu?" I remember her in BEASTMODE, when she ROARED "NYU!"

    Then I laugh.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:13 No.9286021
    >>9285974
    Sit back and let her go to town. If anyone barges in, just say "Come on, look at that face! I can't say no to that!"
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:13 No.9286035
    >>9286002
    Oh, so it's a motor yacht. Okay then.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:13 No.9286036
    >>9285974
    don't let her go to town, ask her to politely leave. maybe another time.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:14 No.9286043
    >>9285974
    Damn, really?

    Lift up her legs, press against her tailhole, see how she reacts.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:15 No.9286060
    >>9286016

    Something AWESOME.

    I say we scratch Felica's ears, but hold off on SEXAN.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:15 No.9286063
    >>9285974

    at first i was like :S

    but then >>9286002

    i was like :D

    lock that door and GAME ON
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:15 No.9286069
    Hey wait.
    If Alicia can transfer love from one person to another ...
    Does that mean we can take two girls that love us, and induce lesbianism between them? :D
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:15 No.9286075
    >>9286069

    stop that.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:15 No.9286077
         File1271657746.jpg-(84 KB, 639x541, 1268351023101.jpg)
    84 KB
    >>9286002
    Please tell us the cabin is soundproofed.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:16 No.9286086
    Guys, we have not yet ordered Alicia to refrain from using magic except at our express permission. We MUST do so, or we are leaving ourselves extremely vulnerable to an already-identified weakness.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:16 No.9286093
    >>9286077
    For those of you who are asking: yes, the cabin is soundproofed, and the windows can be opaqued electronically.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:16 No.9286098
    We're gonna fuck that catgirl raw, aren't we?

    Probably isn't a bad thing. GM did mention that we need to "lower inhibitions" and get some more experience...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:17 No.9286099
    >>9286093
    Hmm...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:17 No.9286110
    >>9286098
    Commence having sex with our housepet!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:17 No.9286112
    >>9286093

    Ah, I see.

    HIT THAT CATGIRL LIKE A MARK 14 STEAM TORPEDO WITH TIN CONTACT DETONATORS
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:17 No.9286113
    >>9286098
    Yoou'd better use some dam lube if you're going for the tailhole. Dry anal hurts on both sides, and she has claws.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:18 No.9286123
    >>9286098

    wouldn't be the first time, i say let her have it.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:18 No.9286125
    >>9285850
    You forgot to list "Yacht" under either the loot or the status, Goshujin-sama.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:18 No.9286133
    I took one look at that yacht and I orgasmed. Holy shit.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:18 No.9286136
         File1271657933.jpg-(25 KB, 256x256, 1267910424125.jpg)
    25 KB
    >>9286093
    Well then, shall we join the sea level club?
    HYUK HYUK
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:18 No.9286137
    >>9286113

    yeah i'm thinking anal with felicia is a bad plan.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:19 No.9286147
    >>9286125

    It's under "property," you filthy XP grubbing bastard. :)
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:20 No.9286161
    >>9286125

    It's under "Facilities." Technically, it's an adjunct to the mansion.

    -----
    You try pushing Felicia up against the wall and put your cock up to her tailhole. She looks over her shoulder at you sadly. :<
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:20 No.9286169
    >>9286113
    >>9286137
    Quickly look around for some lube. If we can find some, go for it. If not, play it safe.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:20 No.9286177
    >>9286069
    >>9286075
    Nein!
    I see opportunities for lesbianism and I'll be damned if I let them go to waste.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:21 No.9286192
    >>9286161
    Rub her first, maybe that'll get her in the mood.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:21 No.9286198
    >>9286161

    >She looks over her shoulder at you sadly. :<

    LOL

    Okay, let's give the girl... whatever she wants. She seems more experienced then us anyhow.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:22 No.9286203
    >>9286161
    Lets NOT fuck up again... leave the ass alone
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:22 No.9286205
    I'd rather avoid the whole anal sex thing if possible, but if you guys are into it that's cool, I'll just go do something else for a bit while you pursue it.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:22 No.9286222
    >>9286161

    Pet her gently and let her go. We are NOT raping the catgirl.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:22 No.9286226
    >>9286161
    Well if we're going to do this we're going to need some lube. Pissing off the catgirl by sticking it in her backdoor is only going to end in a large number of conspicuous fleshwounds.

    Alternatively, we could... NOT have anal sex with the housecat. Just a thought.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:23 No.9286232
    >>9286161

    no biggie, there sure doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the usual.

    think she's kinky enough to like having her tail pulled during sex?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:23 No.9286245
    >whatever she wants

    Which could include anything from oral sex to milk to backrubs.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:24 No.9286250
    >>9286161
    Let her take the lead and just move both of you to the floor / bed.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:24 No.9286257
    Who is it who suggested anal in the first place...?
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:25 No.9286267
    >>9286203
    >>9286198
    >>9286222

    You smile, and with a sigh, give her a pet on the head and let her go. She smiles happily and gives you a cheerful. "NYU!"

    You're about to open the door and let her out when she pounces on you like a mouse and pushes you down onto the bed. With a happy little purr, she pushes your hands away from your erect cock and lowers herself down to your groin, purring happily. Her pink tongue licks at the tip of your manhood, before she traces a slow, gentle lick up your entire length, her yellow, feline eyes looking up at you, gleaming with mischief.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:26 No.9286295
    >>9286267
    ...proceed.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:26 No.9286299
    >>9286222

    you must have missed the threads where we woke up to her sucking us off, or the other couple wherein we otherwise shagged the catgirl. we definitely don't have to rape that one.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:26 No.9286300
    >>9286267

    LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:27 No.9286323
         File1271658447.jpg-(28 KB, 214x278, proceed_eye.jpg)
    28 KB
    >>9286267
    >>9286295
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:27 No.9286325
    >>9286300

    i'm hoping we already did that. the LAST thing we need is alicia walking in as we're defiling her familiar.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:27 No.9286327
    >>9286300
    YES. LOCK IT.
    >> Gilliam Yaeger !q0uEtog.ao 04/19/10(Mon)02:27 No.9286333
    >>9286300
    FUCKING THIS
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:28 No.9286341
    >>9286267
    "I take it you forgive us."

    Let her go at it. If someone walks in on us, we can say she initiated it.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:28 No.9286346
    >>9286325
    Somehow, I don't get the feeling that she'd be all that broken up over it.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:30 No.9286387
         File1271658617.jpg-(303 KB, 800x600, b947b6e537eebef39c78d9513c95ec(...).jpg)
    303 KB
    You lay back on your bed with a sigh as Felicia goes to work. Her soft, wet lips nibble gently at the base of your shaft as she gently massages your balls with her other hand. Though you can feel her sharp claws pressing gently against your sensitive skin, it is never painful, more thrilling: she's clearly had practice at this, and is eager to show off her skills.

    With practiced, careful movements, she runs her lips up your length now, then takes the tip of your cock between her smiling lips and then deep into her warm, wet mouth. Her tail swishes back and forth as her rough, feline tongue gently rasps against your skin: again, with great delicacy, not so hard to be painful, just enough to feel deliciously exciting, as she suckles away happily at your throbbing cock, almost like a babe at its mother's breast.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:30 No.9286389
    Well, I guess we get violated by the catgirl now. ^.^;
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:31 No.9286416
    Blatant levels of fapfiction reaching BLATANT LEVELS OF BLATANTNESS!
    That said, proceed.

    I wonder what'd happen if Felicia were in love with (say) Alicia instead? :D
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:31 No.9286417
         File1271658699.jpg-(28 KB, 309x400, 1252877590506.jpg)
    28 KB
    >>9286387
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:32 No.9286439
         File1271658760.jpg-(67 KB, 750x648, 1220933938615.jpg)
    67 KB
    >>9286416

    >I wonder what'd happen if Felicia were in love with (say) Alicia instead? :D

    >catgirl raping loli
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:32 No.9286441
    >>9286389
    Surely you mean m =^..^= m .
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:33 No.9286448
    You groan with pleasure as Felicia continues her expert blowjob, her head bobbing up and down vigorously, the only other sound in the room her happy purring, and the wet, suckling sounds of her lips wrapped merrily around your cock. She pulls you to the brink, then suddenly stops. . . and just as suddenly pulls away, holding you down until the sensation subsides.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:33 No.9286454
    then everything went according to plan...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:33 No.9286456
    >>9286439
    God damn it Gaston you ruin everything. Fine, no lesbianism.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:33 No.9286457
    >>9286439
    Now now, it would be a catgirl and an incredibly horny young man raping a loli. That's totally different.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:33 No.9286458
    >>9286387
    You know, we ought try to get into Felicia's head more often...

    Her mouth is an excellent place to start.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:34 No.9286468
    >>9286448
    "What're you playing at, eh?"

    Lock the door quickly, then wait to see what she has in mind.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:34 No.9286474
    >>9286458
    I believe we're getting felicia's head right now. >.>
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)02:34 No.9286480
    >>9286448
    Oh goddamnit.

    Pretty sure it's time for US to give HER a :< this time.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:35 No.9286495
    FUCK YEAH

    ORGASM DENIAL
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:35 No.9286497
    >>9286457
    Well, someone apparently DO NOT WANTed the whole thing, and I suppose I'd hate if I had stuff I didn't like forced into my fapfictions. So screw that idea.

    Now why isn't Felicia raping us currently? *pout*
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:35 No.9286499
    >>9286458

    HURRRRRRRR I lol'ed.

    >>9286468

    THIS

    THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN FROM REGINALD ON A BOAT
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:35 No.9286506
    >>9286448

    .. i'm most definitely ok with this.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:36 No.9286508
    >>9286448

    In before panther form...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:36 No.9286525
    >>9286497

    In Soviet Russia, CAT gets licked by YOU!

    And we just crossed into international waters...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:37 No.9286539
    Is there some game this is based off of that I'm ignorant of?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:37 No.9286544
    >>9286539

    check /rs/ for "Maid RPG."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:37 No.9286551
    YOU USE CUNNILINGUS ON FELICIA

    IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!! (i hope)
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:38 No.9286571
    >>9286448
    You ok?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:39 No.9286585
    >>9286539
    Maid RPG.
    Note: Maid RPG does not normally involve penises.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:40 No.9286604
    >>9286539
    Loosely. There is a Maid RPG system. Then a lot of it's been Goshujin's writing ability and alcohol consumption.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:40 No.9286611
    Blueballs FUCK OW
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:41 No.9286616
    >>9286571
    I'm just hoping nothing icky, gross and uncomfortable happens.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:42 No.9286646
         File1271659339.jpg-(485 KB, 2560x1600, Recovered_JPEG_4302.jpg)
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    (innocuous pic time)

    She waits for you to subside a bit, then lays on her back. Spreading her legs apart and parting her pussy lips apart with her fingertips, she looks up at you with a sexy, sultry smile, her yellow eyes gleaming as she says, in as sexy a manner as possible. . ."nyu."

    . . . okay, so it's not the most sexy of statements, but it gets her meaning across.

    "Don't have to ask me twice," you mutter to yourself, as you crawl over and lower yourself on top of your catgirl, guiding your cock to the entrance of her wet, pink sexy, before rubbing the warm head against her parted nether lips.

    Felicia purrs happily and wraps her arms around your neck as you lower yourself into her. The wet warmth of her pussy is tight around you as you thrust deeply, and smoothly, into her small, but well-practiced body. She gasps with pleasure, her triangular ears twitching, as your smooth, but gentle thrusts start to send little twinges of pleasure running up her spine and body.

    It's over a bit too soon, and it's a bit disappointing, maybe, but it's better than last time. You still haven't quite succeeded in making her cum, but you think you got close: at the very least, just before you blew your hot, sticky load into her eager pussy, you felt her body start to tense up a bit. . . only to relax at the end.

    Though you try to continue, she puts her finger to your lips and shakes her head. "Nyuuuu," she purrs, and licks your face. You're not sure, but you think that she's telling you you did okay for now.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:44 No.9286680
    >>9286646
    pet kitty
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:44 No.9286682
    >>9286646

    i take it we're not worried about knocking up the catgirl... wait, can that even happen?
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:44 No.9286692
    Ask her to go hang with the others once she's cleaned up. INVITE JEHANNE in moments before you 'get in the shower'
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:44 No.9286696
    >>9286646

    I just got out a cigarette.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:44 No.9286698
    >>9286646

    Hope we didn't get infected with catgirl DNA or anything.

    Pet and cuddle Felicia for a little while until she falls asleep (pet the back of her head a lot, that always makes cats sleepy). Then get dressed and check on the rest of the crew.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:45 No.9286706
    >>9286646
    We can do better next time. The more practice we have, etc.

    Kiss catgirl, get dressed, go out in the sun for some fun and games.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:45 No.9286709
    >>9286682

    We now have training in unarmed combat, so there's always the...

    FAAAAALCOOOON PUUUNCH
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:45 No.9286713
    >>9286692

    this is a great plan.

    do we know for sure her vocabulary doesn't just consist of "Nyuu"?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:45 No.9286715
    >>9286646
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ecRxuyvPAY
    >> Jabberwock 04/19/10(Mon)02:46 No.9286724
    Quest needs more Krieger maid.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:46 No.9286729
    >>9286646

    FYI: I've set up a hidden "Sexual Experience" skill that levels up every time you have sex. In this case, your experience is improved from the last two times (where you were basically just pounding away like a jackhammer without any kind of tenderness or skill whatsoever), but still didn't succeed well enough to make Felicia cum.

    -----
    In any case, after that "breakfast in bed," Felicia scampers off to your shower to wash off. You yawn and stretch out and wonder if it's time to get some breakfast when you hear a knock on the door.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:47 No.9286737
         File1271659620.jpg-(4 KB, 181x136, 1260174598623.jpg)
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    >>9286715
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:47 No.9286750
    >>9286729
    Put on some damn pants and answer it. Don't bother with a shirt though.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:48 No.9286764
    >>9286729
    >Felicia scampers off to your shower to wash off.
    >cat
    >shower
    ?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:48 No.9286773
    >>9286729

    Don pants, rip undershirt in a few locations, and open door with Fairbain-Skyes knife at the high ready position. Peer out of the crack of the door with WHUUUUN CUH-RAZY EEEEYE
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:48 No.9286774
    put on only Boxers THEN answer it
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:48 No.9286776
    >>9286729
    MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmyes?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:48 No.9286777
    >>9286729

    Damnit, and we just came, so we can't fap for whoever is coming in.

    Quickly get dressed and answer it.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:49 No.9286781
    >>9286764

    cat-GIRL.

    She's 98% girl and 2% cat. Otherwise, it'd just be... wierd.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:49 No.9286782
    >(where you were basically just pounding away like a jackhammer without any kind of tenderness or skill whatsoever)
    It's like we're really from an H-game!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:50 No.9286802
    >>9286729

    put on our super-plush yacht bathrobe and ask who is there, just in case it's somebody we don't want knowing felicia is in there...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:50 No.9286816
    This shit better be getting archived; I need to be at work in four hours.

    Goddamnit.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:50 No.9286818
    >>9286781
    She's 10% cat, tops. It's not furry if it's 10%.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:50 No.9286822
    >>9286781
    1% dna difference gives you chimps.

    Just saying.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:51 No.9286825
    >>9286781

    as long as it's less than the 10% furry boundary...
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:51 No.9286827
    >>9286750
    You open the door and find Jehanne standing there. She is, by the way, wearing a very short skirt and a sailor's middy blouse with a cute little hat. It looks adorable. She looks uncomfortable.

    "I've brought you your breakfast today, my liege," she says, bringing in a covered tray. "I thought, given the situation, that it would be better to bring a double portion."

    Before you can ask what she means by that, Felicia bounds back into the room wearing only a towel. "Nyuu!" she shouts, as she sees that Jehanne has brought her sardines on toast and a large glass of milk. She runs over to sit on your lap and eat her breakfast, as you give her a pat on the head and a scritch between the ears.

    This just makes her purr even more happily.

    Jehanne nods and bows to you deeply. "Please do be careful, my liege," she says, seemingly unconcerned by the presence of a nearly-naked catgirl in your room. "Although it is good that your appetites are strong, overindulging may be bad for your health." And with that statement, she turns to leave.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:52 No.9286835
    >>9286822

    I think we're going by "uncanny valley quotient" here.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:52 No.9286840
    And here I thought Maid-rpg wouldn't degenerate into porn.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:53 No.9286860
    >>9286827

    TT______TT
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:53 No.9286861
         File1271660009.jpg-(11 KB, 422x237, 1202233949660.jpg)
    11 KB
    >>9286827
    WELL GOLLY THAT'S SO CRYPTIC

    WONDER WHAT SHE MEANT
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:54 No.9286866
    >>9286840
    Are you just an idiot or what?
    >> Jabberwock 04/19/10(Mon)02:54 No.9286872
    >>9286827

    Ask her what we can do for her.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:54 No.9286876
    >>9286840

    Clearly you're new here.

    Welcome to /tg/.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:54 No.9286877
    >>9286827
    Are you all purposefully letting her into my room when i sleep?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:55 No.9286884
    >>9286840
    You were hanging around during our trip to hell, right?

    >>9286827
    Stop her for a moment and ask her if she's got her patron deity situation sorted out.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:55 No.9286886
    >>9286827
    "Jehanne..."

    We need to speak with her...

    Finish breakfast, then go outside.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:55 No.9286891
    >>9286827

    "Ah, the dull thud of Paladin subtlety."

    And then close the door and let her hear the lock go *click.*
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:56 No.9286904
    >>9286764
    She's partly cat, not all cat. :P And dude, you'd be surprised at how well some cats deal with water. One of mine used to actually climb into the bathtub when I ran my bath and swim around.

    >>9286840
    As much as the original RPG protests that it's not about porn, I made no real secret about my real intentions to do poorly written fap fiction with the very first post. >>

    >>9286872
    >>9286861
    >>9286860

    "What can I do for you, Jehanne?" you ask.

    Jehanne hesitates. . . then she closes the door and comes back to sit across from you. "I wanted to talk more about what you said to me. . . that night," she says softly. "About. . . how maybe I would be better suited with a new god.

    "Tell me, do you really feel that I have failed Bahamut that badly?" she goes on.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:56 No.9286905
    >>9286827

    well... damn. lets make it a point to hang out on the boat with jehanne a bit today.
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)02:56 No.9286909
         File1271660184.jpg-(24 KB, 311x311, 1271478024999.jpg)
    24 KB
    >>9286840
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)02:56 No.9286914
    >>9286904
    oh man... I'm staying out of this Convo, i can't do Theological Convo's well. (NOT SAID)
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:57 No.9286919
    >>9286827
    Oh no. We'll have to fight through hell again maybe. It'll be like playing Halo.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:57 No.9286930
         File1271660268.jpg-(41 KB, 284x438, Felicia-darkstalkers.jpg)
    41 KB
    <--- a felicia.
    Unknown how she gets her hair so nice without thumbs with which to grasp combs or shampoo bottles.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:58 No.9286933
    >>9286905

    Im on a boat
    Im on a boat
    Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)02:58 No.9286944
    >>9286930
    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--

    You know, it didn't occur to me until now.

    +5 "AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH SO THAT'S WHERE I GOT THE NAME" experience. Total is now 105.

    Don't worry, you'll get to spend it soon.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)02:59 No.9286947
    >>9286904

    "Alignment follows actions. Alignment does not dictate actions. One of the core rules of DMing."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:00 No.9286961
    >>9286930
    DEFINITIVE FURRY TEST:
    Does it have a snout?
    No, Felicia does not have a snout.
    Then it's not furry!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:00 No.9286962
    >>9286904

    with sincerity:
    "it's not at all that i think you have failed, it's that i hate to think you feel driven to hurt yourself when you haven't don't anything wrong."
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)03:00 No.9286963
    >>9286904
    I suspect that if you had failed him as badly as you feel you have by the way you were treating yourself, you likely wouldn't have made it out of hell in one piece.

    What use is the will of a paladin if, behind it all, is just layers and layers of self-doubt? I don't want to have another person close to me slip away for one reason or another while all I can do is watch.

    You needn't forsake your god entirely, but devotion can lead to... disastrous consequences if not tempered properly. Just a change of pace, is all.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:00 No.9286964
    >>9286904
    "I think you served him too well. I think Bahumet failed you. He's not the god you deserve, and we need to find one worthy of you as a paladin."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:01 No.9286970
    >>9286930
    >Unknown how she gets her hair so nice without thumbs with which to grasp combs or shampoo bottles.

    Probably has other people do it?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:01 No.9286980
    >>9286904
    Choosing a new god isn't about failing the old one, it's about changing as a person. Not every god's tenets are suited for everyone at all points in their lives. I would suggest that while most of Bahamut's core principles are still very important to you, there might be others that you would find a better fit right now.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:02 No.9286988
    All right, I need a vote.

    1. Get into an alignment discussion with Jehanne.

    2. Point out her self-destructive pattern of guilt-based behavior.

    3. Point out that perhaps she has served Bahamut too well, and that perhaps it is her god who has failed her.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:03 No.9287005
    >>9286988
    3.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:03 No.9287008
    >>9286947

    "You are a servant of Good, just not Bahamat's brand. You needn't suppress your true self to prove yourself worthy. You saved me from Hell, remember? I need no proof."
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)03:04 No.9287032
    >>9286988
    Thinking either 1 or 2; 3 seems waaaaay presumptuous. Kind of cockslapping Bahamut there.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:04 No.9287033
    >>9286988

    1. This speaks to the heart of 2 and 3. Bahamat should have never accepted the oath of a paladin he knew was not truly his. Should have pointed her in the right direction, in fact.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:05 No.9287049
    >>9286988
    2.

    Gotta nip this at the bud.

    Unless we want her to stay as a vulnerable emotional trainwreck for easier sexing?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:05 No.9287054
    >>9286988
    1 or 2. Not a fan of 3; it's too much of a direct attack on her beliefs, instead of offering advice.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:05 No.9287057
    >>9286988
    1.
    We want to be on Jehanne's side, but bashing Bahamut will cause her to lose her love for us, and will probably net us a throatful of sword in the bargain...
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:05 No.9287058
    2. Be sure to point out that she has nothing to feel guilty about instead of changing the behaviors causing the guilt.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:06 No.9287063
    >>9287049

    Good luck with that. We're moralfags at heart, and we all know it.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:06 No.9287067
    1.

    Convince her she's Neutral Good rather than Lawful.

    See if Avandra's in her setting.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:06 No.9287071
    >>9286988

    I vote 2. She didn't fail Bahamut, she just wasn't happy worshipping him.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:06 No.9287075
    >>9287049
    Fuck that, love works as well as anything else to get sexing, and is more satisfying besides.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:07 No.9287082
    >>9286988

    2, and let her know we don't like to see her suffering for her devotion. she helped save us from hell, for fuck's sake.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:08 No.9287100
    >>9287071

    >She didn't fail Bahamut, she just wasn't happy worshipping him.

    An extremely succinct summation; I applaud you sir.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:08 No.9287102
    >>9286988
    WHAT WOULD KRATOS DO
    3
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:09 No.9287112
    2, though some of 1 isn't bad. Definitely not 3.
    We don't think she's failed Bahamut, just that she seems to think she has. And more than a few other gods would be considered allies to Bahamut I would imagine. Or if we can get her to see that her actions don't really violate her faith so much as the orders of that particular convent.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:09 No.9287113
    >>9286988
    2. Focus on what she needs, not what Bahamut needs.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:09 No.9287119
    >>9287071
    ... Yeah, that's more like it. 2.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:09 No.9287120
    >>9287102

    Kratos would man up and ride Derris Kharlan away from the planet to own up for the mistakes he and Mithos's group plagued upon the world.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:09 No.9287122
    Seems like the vote is one and 2 so. . .

    ----
    "Well, it just seems to me as if maybe you've chosen your path badly," you point out delicately. "Alignment dictates behavior, not the other way around."

    "I'm not sure what you mean. . ."

    "Damn, how to explain this. . . look, you've chosen a very strict path, right? With certain vows that you have to follow?"

    "Yes, I suppose that is true," Jehanne agrees.

    "But those vows don't seem to have helped you at all. Instead, they just make you feel guilty and. . . well, make you do things like that night. I don't think your gods would want that for you."

    "Bahamut asks for little except that I serve unceasingly. If I cannot even keep that vow, how can I call myself a paladin?" Jehanne asks.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:10 No.9287124
    >>9287113

    because what she needs is a HOT DICK.

    ... and sweet, tender love. T__T
    >> Jabberwock 04/19/10(Mon)03:11 No.9287140
    >>9287122

    Why the hell does she even want to be a paladin?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:11 No.9287141
    >>9286988
    http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Yondalla

    Good as Bahamut is, we're not exactly helping the downtrodden or fighting for justice here. While you're cooking food and enjoying romantic company perhaps the Nurturing Matriach would better serve you for now.

    'course, check that it's cool with Bahamut first if you work for other gods.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:11 No.9287151
    >>9287122
    Reiterating 3.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:12 No.9287165
    >>9287141
    This sounds like an interesting prospect.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:12 No.9287167
    >>9287113
    >>9287100
    >>9287071

    "I think you've kept your vow better than you think," you point out. "But I think that keeping your vow makes you unhappy. Maybe. . . you should find a new path. One that makes you happier."

    "You are right," Jehanne agrees. "But therein lies the dilemma. I can only be released from my vows by a Priest of Bahamut. Otherwise, I will have failed my calling, and the gods will turn their backs on me."

    Quietly, you curse the whole "falling" mechanic and start to wish that she would have come from one of those Points of Lights settings instead.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:12 No.9287171
    >>9287122

    Ask her if she's a third edition paladin, or fourth. If she's 3aboo, the fact that she still had her powers means that Bahamut approves of her. If she's 4rry, its less clearcut.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:13 No.9287190
         File1271661223.png-(109 KB, 320x240, ten points.png)
    109 KB
    >>9287141

    excellent point, anon.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)03:13 No.9287194
    >>9287167
    summon the DM to discuss if she can technically be released because Bahamut is a G aligned god and its Evil to keep someone against their will.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:13 No.9287195
    >>9287171

    Seems like third, bro.
    >> Gilliam Yaeger !q0uEtog.ao 04/19/10(Mon)03:14 No.9287205
    >>9287167
    Ask her what her vows are, then try to find loopholes.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:15 No.9287214
    >>9287167
    "Do you honestly believe he wants you to feel guilty all of the time? As long as you protect the weak and fight evil wherever it rears its head, you'll be fulfilling your vows."

    Put a hand around her shoulder.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:15 No.9287215
    >>9287195

    No, no, more like 3.5, because her mount isn't constantly with her, it's some lame-ass LOL AH SUMMON IT OUT OF THIN AIR thing.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:15 No.9287218
    >>9287167

    err, how hard are those to come by?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:15 No.9287221
    >>9287167
    I don't know, can she ask for forgiveness or an honorable discharge from Bahamut directly?

    Then we can give her our own discharge.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:15 No.9287228
    Promise to do all in your power to get a Priest of Bahamut's ass over here STAT and move on with the quest!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:16 No.9287241
    Suggest then that she pray to Bahamut for guidance on what to do if she is unhappy in his service.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:16 No.9287242
    >>9286944

    Huh. I didn't feel like it needed pointing out. I always assumed it was either that or Felicia Day/Black Cat from spider-man
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:16 No.9287246
    >>9287122
    Well, uh, Bahamut wouldn't have you in a kitchen cooking meals, cuddling well-off homeowners and showing more emotional support than Justice.

    I won't doubt that Bahamut is powerful and that your worship means much to him - but you're not fighting your way through hell any more, and Bahamut demands the defense of the downtrodden, not the cooking of meals.

    For the time being you -can't- serve him.
    Fortunately, I don't think he'll be angry at you for what you've done here. Perhaps you can talk to him. See if he's okay with you taking some time to nurture Good in those around you.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:16 No.9287247
    >>9287215
    Like WoW, so it must be 4e.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:17 No.9287259
         File1271661441.png-(29 KB, 500x500, 1234819499299.png)
    29 KB
    >>9287247

    WELL PLAYED, SIR, WELL PLAYED
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:18 No.9287270
    >>9287167
    The protagonist should pray to Bahamut for the happiness and safety of Jehanne.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:19 No.9287293
    >>9287167

    Scour the internet to see if there's an online certification you can get to become a priest of Bahamut.

    A muslim friend of mine is officially a minister thanks to the internet, so it can't be that hard.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:20 No.9287303
         File1271661623.jpg-(41 KB, 798x500, 1246946864258.jpg)
    41 KB
    >>9287293

    haaaa haaaa DOOOO IIIIIT
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:21 No.9287309
    >>9287303
    This can only end amazingly.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:22 No.9287331
    >>9287218
    >>9287221
    >>9287228

    "How hard is it to find one?" you ask.

    "I don't think there's one in this world at all," Jehanne sighs. "Certainly, I have not seen a temple to He of the Platinum Scales recently, although I do seem to see many worshipping the God of the Starry Night Sky, he who appears in the form of a large stag. Apparently, the rituals of this odd cult also involve imbibing bitter, hot beverages as a form of self-mortification."

    "I see. . . well, I'll do my best to find a priest somehow to help release you from your vows. Perhaps, in the meantime, you should think of a new god to follow? Perhaps Sune, or Yondalla. . ."

    "Elistraee?" Jehanne says softly.

    You give her a quirked eyebrow.

    "Once," Jehanne admits, "when I was an initiate, I was on guard duty watching for invaders. I heard. . . strange noises. When I came to investigate, I found several young elf maidens with dark skin dancing naked under the moonlight. They seemed so wild, so free.. ." She ahems, and blushes, embarassed. "It was. . . a vivid memory," she admits.

    "I suppose it would have been," you agree.

    "I should go now," Jehanne says. "Enjoy your breakfast, my liege. I will come by later to collect the plates."

    "Thank you."

    Jehanne leaves you and you finish your breakfast.

    WHAT DO NOW?

    Also, I will be going to bed after this thread, as it grows late. Someone get ready to archive this shit.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:22 No.9287343
    >>9287270
    Be VERY careful. attractign the attention of any deity, for any reason, can get you drawn into shit you would rather not have gotten involved in - especially deeply aligned ones like the deity of Paladins and Law and Good like Bahamaut.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:23 No.9287356
    >>9287293
    She could ask Bahamut if Yondalla could borrow her for a bit while she does more Housekeeping and less Smiting.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:23 No.9287358
    >>9287331

    Let us check in on SAMANTHA!

    And yes, it's 3:00AM and I have exams tomorrow, YOU MOTHERFUCKER
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:24 No.9287373
    >>9287331
    > "I do seem to see many worshipping the God of the Starry Night Sky, he who appears in the form of a large stag. Apparently, the rituals of this odd cult also involve imbibing bitter, hot beverages as a form of self-mortification."

    Okay, I don't think I get the reference here.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:24 No.9287384
    >>9287331
    I fucking knew Starbucks was part of some damned cult.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:24 No.9287386
    We should make sure all maids/valets in attendance are keeping well away from anything resembling work, this is a vacation dammit.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:24 No.9287388
         File1271661899.jpg-(8 KB, 176x185, 1189397557227s.jpg)
    8 KB
    >>9287309
    >>9287303
    >>9287293

    You decide to scour the internet for a way to become a priest of Bahamut.

    http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=how+to+become+a+priest+of+bahamut&aq=f&aqi=
    &aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=a2bb30ecf4f91972

    . . .

    If one of you fags actually find one, +15 experience and an Internet.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:25 No.9287394
    >>9287343
    Oh please, Bahamut is bro enough to not drop fireballs everywhere. It's not like we're praying to Lolth or Orcus. :P
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:25 No.9287397
    >>9287373

    Yeah, Starbucks. And I LOL'ed heartily.

    "Self-mortification" describes Starbucks coffee to a mother-fucking tee.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:25 No.9287403
    >>9287331
    Call up gaming friend who DMs, have him act as a priest. He has the proper authority, after all.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)03:27 No.9287419
    >>9287388
    http://www.castergine.com/stuart/bby/bahamut1.html
    ?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:27 No.9287429
    >>9287358
    First let's see how all of our other employees are doing. We want to make sure they're having fun, right?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:27 No.9287436
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bahamut

    A talk with arabian scholar, or even an Imam, is in order.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:29 No.9287456
    >>9287358
    After breakfast, Felicia scampers off to do. . . something. You're not sure what. You decide to go and find Samantha.

    You find your head maid in the kitchen. She has a very large tuna on her cutting board, and she is cheerfully using a large cleaver to cut it into steaks.

    "Oh!" she says. "Good morning, young master! I do hope I did not disturb you?"

    "Ummm. . . not at all," you say. Although the entire kitchen sink is filled with fish blood, and she has quite a bit on her hands as well, her maid uniform and apron are spotless. The mark of a true maid. "How are you?"

    "I am well. Father is catching our dinner," she says, pointing to the back of the boat.

    Peeking your head out the window, you see Reginald standing at the back of the boat with a massive fishing pole, wearing no shirt, and a pair of aviator glasses, smoking a pipe. "I see. Did he catch anything?"

    "Just a couple of tuna," Samantha says, "I was cleaning and filleting them."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:29 No.9287457
    >>9287388
    http://www.castergine.com/stuart/bby/bahamut1.html
    >I. Bahamut is first-born of the Creator and through no other can you gain favor.
    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)03:29 No.9287463
    Requirements
    To qualify to become a sacred warder of Bahamut, a dragon
    must fulfill all the following criteria.
    Race: Any dragon.
    Alignment: Lawful good or neutral good.
    Base Attack Bonus: +15.
    Feats: Endure Blows, Power Attack.
    Spells: Able to cast divine spells.
    Domain: Protection.
    Special: Damage reduction 5/magic.

    Page 96 of the Draconomicon
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:30 No.9287467
         File1271662203.jpg-(200 KB, 704x500, nagi.jpg)
    200 KB
    >>9287419
    >>9287457

    Oh dear gods. +15 XP and an internets.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:30 No.9287477
    >>9287457
    Well then, I say we call him up. Whip out a cellphone, dial the operator, bullshit like a motherfucker, and get ourselves a direct line to Bahamut.

    ...yes it's stupid. But considering all of the other nutty things that have gone on thus-far, it really would fit right in.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:31 No.9287489
    >>9287456

    Ask if we can help with the cooking! Bout time we did something mundane around here besides fapping.

    A man can't kill giant squids ERRYDAY after all.
    >> Reswald !!HB3QBM8WHHJ 04/19/10(Mon)03:31 No.9287491
    >>9287456
    Attempt to Fish with Reginald.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:32 No.9287501
    >>9287477

    This would be awesome tier.

    "Hello, operator, get me bahamut."
    "Is that a name?"
    "It's an ancient semitic deity turned dragon god. Put him on the line, please?"
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:33 No.9287515
    >>9287489
    "Mind if I help?" you ask.

    "If you like," Samantha says. "Do you know how to clean a fish? I could use some help cleaning the other tuna.

    You look over at the fish she indicates. It's about three feet long, silver-sided, and still twitching a bit. It's baleful eye looks up at you disapprovingly.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:34 No.9287536
    >>9287515
    OH GOD ITS STILL ALIVE
    YOU MONSTER
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:34 No.9287537
    >>9287515

    "I've done calamari already, so I think I can handle this, with a few pointers."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:35 No.9287547
    >>9287515
    Fall back on our fish-cleaning training from childhood. Our father used to take us fishing all the time when we were a kid, before he realized that we were doomed to become a useless shut-in nerd and abandoned his attempts to force us into "manly" pursuits. We should still remember at least some of it.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:36 No.9287575
    >>9287515

    > Skill Check Result: 2

    You take the very large and very sharp knife that Samantha gave you, and you study the fish hesitantly. Although you've got some experience carving up seafood with a knife, that was more of a stabbing motion. You're not exactly sure how to cut open a fish and pull out its guts on purpose.

    You're about to start when Samantha shakes her head. "No, don't put your knife point in the anus, you'll tear open the intestine and get fish poop all over the meat. Start here, under the chin." She indicates the correctly point. "Here. . ."

    Samantha puts her arms around you and guides the point of your knife to the proper place. "Now, after that, just bring the knife down along the belly, like this, not too deep, you don't want to cut up the insides. . ." She presses herself against your back, whispering instructions into your ear as if she were a lover whispering sweet nothings.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:36 No.9287578
    I wonder if Reginald knows about our deepest secret...

    the KA-BAR under our pillow. He may have weaned us away from the DEAGLE DEAGLE DEAGLE thing, but nothing can extinguish that flame in our hearts for the KA-BAR.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:37 No.9287584
    >>9287515

    punch the still twitching tuna in its fishy face, and admit that, while we've never done it before, we can probably figure out how to clean it.

    then we get bloody!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:38 No.9287600
    >>9287515
    We deal with it like how we dealt with the oversized mollusk.

    Bite its fucking fins off and shoot it.
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)03:38 No.9287601
    >>9287575
    Wellp, thanks goshujin-sama. Now I'm going to get an erection next time I order from a seafood restaurant and I probably won't remember why.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:38 No.9287607
    >>9287575

    >establishing consistent pattern of flirting with you while working with dangerous weapons

    "TREAT HER WITH-"

    "Respect? Don't think you have to worry about that, ol' chum. Samantha seems to have the 'command my respect' angle down quite well all by herself."
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:38 No.9287610
    >>9287575
    When Samantha speaks, you fucking listen.

    Also, never before has cleaning a fish been a romantic experience.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:40 No.9287627
    >>9287575

    make a vaguely suggestive comment about her obvious skill, try to fight the urge to boner.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:40 No.9287637
    >>9287575
    >>9287601
    Well, now we know why her hands always smell like fish.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:40 No.9287639
    >>9287601

    Seconded.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:42 No.9287663
         File1271662957.jpg-(10 KB, 251x251, drooling.jpg)
    10 KB
    >She presses herself against your back, whispering instructions into your ear as if she were a lover whispering sweet nothings.

    She is somehow pure, and sexy at the same time.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:43 No.9287681
    >>9287477
    *dial tone*
    "Platinum dragon here. Got some downtrodden that need a little faith?"
    "Hey bro, it's $protagonist here. About one of your paladins, Jehanne."
    "Fought through hell and came back alive. Prays often. What of her?"
    "We're wondering if Yondalla could borrow her for a bit."
    "..."
    "Bahamut?"
    "THEM FUCKING HALFLINGS ALWAYS BORROWING MY SHIT AND FORGETTING TO RETURN IT! GO FUCK YOURSELVES YA HALF-SIZED BACKWOODS ARSEHOLES! *click*"

    Bahamut, God of Paladins (Unfriendly)

    "... shit."
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:44 No.9287692
    >>9287600
    >>9287584

    I really wish I had seen these posts first. This would have been made of win.

    -----
    >>9287627
    "You've ummm. . . obviously had some practice at this," you point out.

    "Mom died when I was little, so I always had to do the cooking," Samantha says. "I got pretty good at it."

    "Oh? What did you learn to make?"

    "Just the usual things. . . iron rations. Pemmican. How to dress a deer, clean a fish. . . creamed chipped beef on toast."

    "I see." You remember your early days at the house (barely a week before) and how everything was sandwiches back then. Things start to fall into place a bit.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:44 No.9287693
    >>9287607

    Huh. I only just realized this.
    Next thing you know, she'll be sitting in our lap teaching us how to use an MLRS
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:45 No.9287703
    >>9287575
    Continue, but be overly paranoid that Reginald is going to come at any moment.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:45 No.9287710
    We really need a rule against writefaggotry smut.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:46 No.9287724
    >>9287710
    Rule: It must always involve cats.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:49 No.9287760
    >>9287710

    no, we don't.

    >>9287692

    once we've got it cleaned, ask for some filleting instructions, obviously fishing (sorry) for some more close quarters instruction.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:49 No.9287769
    >>9287663
    >>9287703

    "You know," you say. "You really should show me sometime how to. . ."

    . . .

    Suddenly, there is a CRASH, and the entire boat rocks to one side! "What the fuck. . . !?"

    "YOUNG MASTER!" Reginald roars from the back of the boat. "WE HAVE A SPOT OF BOTHER HERE!"

    As you poke your head back out the window, you see Reginald being lifted into the air. He is punching a massive, suckered tentacle that is wrapped around his waist. Wrapped up in two other tentacles are Felicia and Jehanne, who are screaming in terror at the monster that is groping them. . .

    . . . at least, they scream until the massive monster's huge, dinner-plate sized eye sees your face in the ship's window. With a roar, it hurls the girls and Reginald into the ocean, and points a massive tentacle at you.

    "YOU!!!!!!!!!" it roars, in passably good English. "YOU KILLED THE ONLY MAN I EVER LOVED!!!!"
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:50 No.9287786
    >>9287703

    Fuck him very much. We've already got a date set for a mighty asskicking (his) in the future.
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)03:50 No.9287787
    >>9287769
    Glare back and growl back "And so did your man, so we are at an impasse. Leave us."
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:51 No.9287796
    >>9287769
    And with this, I'm going to bed. I'll continue either tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on if I have time.

    Before I leave, though, one last order of business: you are now able to LEVEL UP!

    You have 125 XP

    Athletics: 2 -> 3 30 XP
    Affection: 2 -> 3 30 XP
    Skill: 2 -> 3 30 XP
    Cunning: 2 -> 3 30 XP
    Luck: 1 -> 2 20 XP
    Will: 2 -> 3 30 XP

    RANDOM EVENT: 20 XP
    RANDOM LOOT: 20 XP
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:51 No.9287800
    >>9287769
    Oh dear. We didn't kill the monster. We killed the monster's bitchy little boyfriend.

    Find cannons on Yacht. Fire cannons.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:52 No.9287805
    >>9287769

    Whatever we do in the next five minutes, we must preface it by ripping our goddamned shirts off and roaring like a Lion Clan bull roid raging.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:53 No.9287817
    >>9287796
    Oh great.

    I'm tempted to get a random event because things aren't fucked up enough right now already.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:53 No.9287823
    >>9287796

    I vote for cunning and luck.

    >>9287787

    >Glare back and growl back "And so did your man, so we are at an impasse. Leave us."

    HAHAHAHA, yes. This. This, right here. I'm remembering this for next thread.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:54 No.9287837
    >>9287796
    Level our athletics, skill, cunning, and luck.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:55 No.9287852
    >>9287787
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:55 No.9287856
    SKILL
    CUNNING
    AFFECTION
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:55 No.9287858
    So we're going to be fighting a gay squid? Wonderful.
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)03:56 No.9287871
    >>9287858
    Might be a lady-squid, who knows.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)03:56 No.9287877
    So far, consensus is Cunning, at least. That will be 30 XP. Anything else?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:56 No.9287880
    >>9287823

    or even better!

    CUNNING, LUCK, ATHLETICS raised by 1. RANDOM LOOT or EVENT. 20 XP in the bank for contingencies.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:57 No.9287894
    >>9287877

    refresh my memory, what good are luck rolls for?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:58 No.9287903
    >>9287880
    this, random event over random loot
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)03:58 No.9287904
    luck, athletics, cunning, event.

    knowing reginald, there are no doubt some fat weapons laying around. but now he's in the drink, so...

    what about a harpoon?
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)03:59 No.9287918
    >>9287877
    Affection, Luck, Random loot.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:00 No.9287928
    Luck basically affects my occasional random "x+ Saving throw" rolls that I make to determine random world events. It also helps in combat in certain situations.

    Now rolling for random event

    > 51: A TV show comes to shoot some footage.

    Do you want to keep this random event, or go for a reroll?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:01 No.9287944
    I missed BOTH these threads? FUCK. I've been here for EVERY maid quest.

    Also, I was the guy pushing for fucking Kat. SEE WHY I DID? Now we lost a maid!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:01 No.9287947
    >>9287928

    Reroll.

    Come onnnn HELICOPTER GUNSHIP
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:02 No.9287951
    Odd notion here. I'd try to take on the squid mainly solo, all the while having a chat about the concept of self defense.

    Although I'd probably ask Alicia if she can give me the ability to walk on water temporarily. That would help us out in this fight a great deal.

    ...and that would all likely get us killed to death. So listening to me probably isn't the best idea.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:02 No.9287956
    >>9287928

    >luck

    Then we totally want that, yeah.

    >TV crew filming us schooling the shit out of a giant squid.

    Tempting... but the others seemed to indicate they want something more along the lines of "save our sorry asses."
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:02 No.9287965
    >>9287944
    There is a way to get Kat back. :P It's only Day 9.

    >>9287947
    > 5+ Saving throw to reroll: 5
    Reroll. Event or Loot?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:03 No.9287972
    >>9287965

    Event.

    also, REALLLY? It involves some form of mindfuckery, doesn't it?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:03 No.9287973
    >>9287965

    I'm going to go with PHAT LEWTS. We're going to need some help with this one.
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)04:03 No.9287977
    I'm going for the loot.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:04 No.9287982
    >>9287965
    I guess try loot this time. Maybe a megaweapon?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:04 No.9287985
    >>9287928
    DO EET
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:04 No.9287990
    Okay, for loots, you have two choices.

    1. You can go for a Maid Costume, which will give one of your maids special powers.

    2. You can go for a General Item, which can be used by anyone.

    Thoughts?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:05 No.9287992
    Get Sister Carmine.

    "HEY THIS FUCKING INVERTEBRATE IS SHITTING UP OUR BATTLE/PLEASURE BARGE WITH ITS CUNTING MUTANT COCKGRABBERS!"

    Then we both rip and tear, for it is huge and has huge guts.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:05 No.9287995
    >>9287982

    Or a bag of magic pixiedust that lets us see through walls. Might not be helpful against the squid in the least. but at they very least, if we survive, we'll come out of the encounter +1 phat lewts.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:06 No.9288008
    >>9287992

    FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT SISTER CARMINE

    >>9287990

    General item.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:08 No.9288038
    >>9287990

    Female maid costume. For kris.

    If thats even possible.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:08 No.9288044
    >>9288038

    I believe any maid may use the costume.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:08 No.9288047
    >>9288008
    General Item it is

    Someone roll 3d6 and tell me the three numbers.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:09 No.9288052
    >>9287990
    Costume. It'll be awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:09 No.9288055
    >>9288047
    4, 5, 1
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:10 No.9288056
    >>9287992

    maid costume, and GET FUCKING CARMINE TO FUCKING GUT THE BASTARD, SHES CUNTING ALL OVER OUR DAY OFF
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:10 No.9288057
    Okay, hang on, now I'm getting votes for costume. Either way, someone roll 3d6 and tell me the three numbers.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:10 No.9288062
    General item!
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:11 No.9288070
    rolled 5, 4, 2 = 11

    >>9288047

    physical dice roll- 10

    /tg/ diceroll, above.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:12 No.9288082
    >>9288070

    Oh, individual rolls. Disregard, cocks, and somebody beat me to it anyways. Use his.
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)04:12 No.9288089
    rolled 3, 5, 3 = 11

    here you go
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:12 No.9288090
    >>9288082

    Two for item, three for costume. The Ayes have it~
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)04:12 No.9288091
    Maid costume is more on-theme, but I'd vote for a general item. Maid costume is absolutely going to do nothing for us in our final confrontation against Reginald, and we keep running into all sorts of crazy things that we have to try and deal with on our own in the meantime, so having something useful that WE can use without having to call in tactical maid strikes seems preferable.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:13 No.9288095
    451 Demonic Ritual Book

    45 Magician Costume
    51 Bunny Suit
    45 Karate Gi
    51 Jungle Girl Loincloth

    Pick one.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:13 No.9288103
    >>9288095

    Bunny suit?

    Explain.
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)04:13 No.9288110
    >>9288070
    dicemind = 11
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:13 No.9288113
    >>9288095
    Magician costume.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:14 No.9288124
         File1271664891.gif-(147 KB, 400x225, CRAZYLAUGH.gif)
    147 KB
    >>9288095

    >Demonic ritual book

    HA! HA! HAHAHAHAHAH!

    But seriously, the magic costume. That cuts right to the chase.

    Unless we could get Samantha into that Gi.... hot girls in Gi's are sexy, I've seen 'em.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:15 No.9288130
    >>9288095

    Robe and wizard hat, please.
    >> Anomymous. 04/19/10(Mon)04:15 No.9288141
    >>9288095
    ...although when the item is a demonic ritual book, I feel like taking a maid outfit is probably the better idea.

    Don't want Alicia stumbling across our new necronomicon or anything, now do we?

    I'd vote Magician costume, if only for potential jokes involving donning ones robe and wizard hat.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:16 No.9288149
    >>9288103

    51 Bunny

    Requirements: None

    Restrictions: Once a character changes into this costume, she cannot change out of it unless you spend 1 XP

    Benefits:

    Gains the Sexy Trait in addition to their normal traits (+1 Cunning, -1 Will)

    Consideration: The character can cause members of the opposite sex (or womanizer characters of the same sex) to remove 2 points of Stress per round.

    Notes: A “companion” in business entertainment, whose job is to keep things lively.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:16 No.9288160
    >>9288091

    I agree, and the ritual book is BOSS. Wipe any lingering smirks off Alica's face right fucking quick, I'll wager. But general item WAS out-voted, and to be honest, saving the maids singlehandedly is getting a bit old. Carmine was worth pulling out of hell if only for how much ass she kicks, but it's time to up the ante around here, you know?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:17 No.9288174
    >>9288141

    >I'd vote Magician costume, if only for potential jokes involving donning ones robe and wizard hat.

    You, sir, have the right idea.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:18 No.9288184
    dude, magician costume. robe and wizard hat plox.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:18 No.9288187
    WE ARE A GOD-DAMNED NERD. WE BEAT A DEMON BY PLAYING FATAL. THERE IS NO COMPETITION--WE PUT ON OUR MOTHERFUCKING ROBE AND WIZARD HAT, THIS INSTANT!
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:19 No.9288194
    >>9288141
    >>9288130
    >>9288124

    45 Magician

    Requirements: Skill 3 or higher. (Kristopher, Felicia, Alicia, Samantha)

    Benefits:
    Magic Missile: Inflicts 3d6 Stress directly. Recharges on a 5+

    Shield: Reduces damage by 2d6. Recharges on a 6+

    Ritual Magic: The Maid becomes a student of magic and begins researching into the dark arts.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:20 No.9288209
    >>9288149
    YES
    Who would we give it to?
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:20 No.9288210
    >>9288194

    >begins studying the dark arts

    yeeeeessssssssss
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:20 No.9288215
    >>9288194

    yes this is perfect for koyomi, she can add sexy mage powers to her sexy nerd power retinue.
    >> Dastard Bastard !aYK4KNSE9U 04/19/10(Mon)04:20 No.9288218
    >>9288194
    Ok, then how do the Gi and Loincloth come out?
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:20 No.9288220
    In any case, it's overwhelmingly for Robe and Wizard Hat, so I'll choose that. You guys can assign it later.

    And for now, bedtime. Someone archive this, please. See you either tomorrow or Tuesday. Maybe.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:21 No.9288221
    >>9288194

    I'm very tempted to have Felicia become a magician, just because she's so devoted to us in her own way.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:21 No.9288225
    >>9288209

    Not samantha, it'd corrupt her. :<

    But Kristopher... and getting her into a maid outfit will involve a forced recognition of her true sexuality. YEE HAW.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:21 No.9288227
    >>9288194

    Samantha gets this.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:22 No.9288234
    No tanuki suit?

    I'm sad.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:22 No.9288236
    >>9288220

    as well as I.

    4AM on exam week. Oh Goshujin how you FUCK with me D:

    but.... but I like it >_>
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:22 No.9288237
    >>9288194
    WE INCREASE OUR SKILL AND TAKE THIS OUTFIT FOR OURSELVES
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:22 No.9288238
    >>9288220
    WAIT, LET'S BUY ANOTHER BUMP INTO SKILL SO WE CAN USE IT
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:22 No.9288248
    >>9288218

    Gi: +1 to Hand to Hand attack rolls, and switch out their current Stress Explosion for Unconcsiousness.

    Loincloth: get the Escape special power, and they start to trigger events from the Wild Kingdom Events table.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:24 No.9288259
    You know, if we give the wizard stuff to Kristopher, s/he can figure out a way to turn his/herself into a girl without any deals with Alicia. Just a thought.
    >> Goshujin-Sama 04/19/10(Mon)04:24 No.9288267
    >>9288237
    >>9288238

    Goddamn it I want to go to sleep. Do you want to do this or not? Decide quickly. You'll need to swap out either Athletics or Cunning for Skill to get Skill 3. You don't have the XP do do it all.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:30 No.9288330
    Swap cunning for Skill, I think.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)04:32 No.9288337
    >>9288267
    Cunning for Skill.
    >> Anonymous 04/19/10(Mon)05:13 No.9288709
    >>9288267
    yeah, do it



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