I like where this is going...

Yesterday was International Nurses Day.

>my face

And we weren't turned into combat servitors how?

SHOW ME YOUR TITS!

Ugg, last thing I remember was some greenskin yelling about dooka or whatever it is he was saying. Then my arm goes numb, I feel a shitload of pain, and I wake up here.

Imperial Nurses? Induced Comas?

Did we just went back in time when things were not shit on shit?

>>9785381
because it's inefficient to servitor-ize every single wounded guy, what about all the experience they accumulate? You want to flush veterans down the drain because they got shot once?

Antibiotics...? Surgery? This is not the grimdark that I know.

>>9785381

It seems the Commissar watched the assault your unit made. He asked specifically that we take the best care possible of you, because he needs more do'ers. Here we go with the shot...

...but I'm a Tau!

>>9785425
It's space-viagra.

RUN WHILE WE STILL CAN!!!

>>9785422

Well, we had you on nanolucazides for a time, but they aren't the kind of thing you want to give someone who is conscious.

>>9785408

I see. If it makes you feel any better I was told to inform you that you got him with the bayonnet charge. I couldn't imagine even holding my ground against something as beastly as an Orkoid, so it's very impressive, Guardsman. How's your arm rotation now? Any better?

I wouldn't trust her. She looks like a loli murderer.

>>9785515
Much.

...what's this thing in my neck?

>>9785541
>She looks like a loli murderer.
guess we don't have to worry then, since we're not a loli

>>9785541
>loli murderer

A loli who is a murderer, or one who murders lolis?

*After a shot*
-Nurse, is it normal that my neck is itching?
*Scratch* *Scratch* *Scratch*

>>9785580
Takano Miyo, google her

Aww Emperor, was I in a penal legion or something? I can't remember a whole lot...

>>9785567

The small cylinder there? It's an MIU system command module. The Commissar requested that we... do a little remodelling, so that you can become a more effective warrior. It will connect to a weapon in the future, and you will be able to command it with mere thoughts. I'm told that takes a little getting used to, but it should be good in the end right?

That's not just any nurse!

>>9785582

Er, you might not want to scratch at it. Don't want to open it up again, right? If you need something to dull the itch, I can prescribe you something. Would that help?

>>9785647
Um, what kind of weapon exactly?

>so just sit back and tell me what happened while I do

I was snapping the Warboss' neck with my bare hands after covertly eliminating his forces and sabotaging the Gargants. The Imperial Navy grew impatient and launched a Cyclonic torpedo at my location.

I expect to be back on my feet in a few days.

>>9785647
What about this thing in my shoulder? And this other thing in my elbow? They aren't all MIUs, are they?

Why are there so many wires?

>>9785699

I wasn't told that part, but I see on your schedule that you're due for sure reinforcement rails. I assume it will be something shoulder-mounted, leaving your arms free to act independently.

So... I see old electoo shadowing on your arm above the wound. I guess the projectile destroyed what was there and it was removed. What did you have?

WHY AM I IN AN ANIME HOSPITAL

>>9785719

Well, the one in your shoulder is the groundwork for the railing. This thing on your elbow? Right here where I'm touching now is the start of a dataport. You should be able to download dataslate data and the like to a small memory rod in your chest. As for these red and black wires... think of it like them testing the pathways before they dig them in.

Nurse, I'm scared.

>>9785795
So Nurse. Did my psych evaluation turn up anything odd? Like, Psykers going ballistic near me or what?

>>9785795

"...Are we going to be piloting a Titan?"

>>9785745
I... don't really remember. ID, I guess. Maybe some credits. Maybe pictures of my family.

...you're sure it's gone?

>>9785795
I see. I, uh... thanks? Thanks for your help. Usually... well, you know what happens to casualties, don't you?

>>9785812

Don't be scared, Guardsman. You are a man of the Imperium, who has killed Orkoids before. There is nothing to fear from me, nor from the procedures. If you do have some concerns, I can stay a while and hopefully answer anything you need to know. Does that sound good?

>>9785745
>>What did you have?
...
Nothing important.

Well lets see. I remember some Orks were charging us with a bunch of cleavers. Squad was in bad shape. Sarge was down and Jenkins had a broken leg. I told the men to fall back behind the firing line, took an extra rifle and tried to hold them off. Thats all I really remember.

ITT: Anonymous doesn't know they're being turned into a Servitor.

>>9785872
>ITT: Anonymous doesn't know they're being turned into a Pleasure Servitor.

>>9785872
I was waiting until someone figured that out.
>my face right now
I hope we get a multimelta.

>>9785846

Nice try Guardsman. You're not going to be piloting a Titan.

>>9785842

There are no sanctioned Imperial Psykers in this conflict, so negative on that. Apart from that you seem quite healthy, although you seem to have irregular dream patterns. Still, nothing to worry about.

>>9785857

Unfortunately, yes. I'm sorry if you don't remember, but there's no way of retrieving information on it. The Chirurgeon's mediskull is a simple tool. It doesn't take stock of what it is removing, only that it is removed.

And yes, I know all too well what happens to casualties. Which is why I'm pleased that you are in good health, Guardsman.

>>9785334
Hey that picture, isn't she that crazy chick from Higurashi? The main pawn of Lambadelta and all that.

Nurse, I'm still scared. Can I has hugs?

Servitor you say? Nurse, allow me to show you the basics of CQC.

>>9785918

When are we getting back into the fight?

>>9785921

DROOPY-TAAAAAAAAAAAAN~!

>>9785942

Unfortunately you'll be out of action for another week. After that your squad is being pulled from the conflict regardless if it's still being fought or not. You'll meet them here then, but you still have some surgeries between then and now.

Where's Nurse Verity? I DEMAND TO BE TREATED BY NURSE VERITY.

>>9785969
When are those surgeries scheduled for?

>>9785969
I thought you said I was all patched up though?

Whats the total damage to me like? Anything I need to worry about?

>>9785969
and what exactly will those surgeries do to me?

>>9785334
WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?
(im pretty sure i was dude before the mission nurse what did you do to me!?)

>>9785969
Okay, but why is there a tentacle coming out of your ear?
I can see it through your hair.

rolled 8, 3, 6 = 17

The hell is happening here?

>>9786028
Awesome, no 9's

>>9785986
>>9785988
>>9785989
>>9785990

You're all patched up just fine, and with the exception of some arm scarring you are healthier than an Ecclesiarch. But you still have some modifications to undergo. Don't worry, your Commissar asked us to be very careful and caring while we undertake our procedures. You're in safe hands. As I said already, they will enable you to control a shoulder-mounted MIU-linked weapon and download off dataslates and the like. The first of these will be tomorrow, for the shoulder supports. We've already laid the groundworks, so it should only be two or three hours on the slab for the procedure. After that you'll go for weapon fitting, and then you can come back here and talk to me some more while I run totally mundane and boring tests for a few hours.

>>9785969

I do not like the idea of being lobotomized and turned into a servitor.

I will take my bionics and tough my way out in the underhive, thank you very much.

rolled 7, 2, 4 = 13

>>9786084
Nurse...

That Guardsman was originally a guy.

>>9786028
roleplaying, ted. you should be familiar with that.

rolled 10, 3, 8 = 21

>>9786112
Oh really?

>>9786084
Well, I guess I shouldn't keep you from your other duties any longer.

One more question, though. Could you tell me your name?

We get to keep our junk attached to us, right?

>>9786179

Well, I'm going to go ahead and say that you're safe there. Okay?

>>9786084

You sure I just cannot have a bionic arm and be done with it?

I'm a little suspicious of neural-controlled weapons. I mean, I CAN hold a meltagun one handed with some good bionics...

>>9786179
>implying you need said junk

>>9786179
>Implying that anyone would have consentual dickings with a servitor

...So we're a rape servitor? Interesting.

>>9786220
So tell me nurse. How many of our boys come through here to be turned into mindless hulks of flesh and metal get this treatment from ya?

>>9786241

Ahah, well there I can't help you. These are the Inqu- I mean, the Commissar's orders... oh no, I didn't mean to say that...

>>9786278
Nurse, we can't hug you with machine gun arms.

INQUISITION?!

No, I refuse to become a mindless hulk of flesh and steel, let me out!

>>9786278
AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

>>9786278
Interesting. Must study further.

>>9786278

whelp.

we're fucked

Having fun in here guys?

>>9786330
Go stand in front of a Battle Cannon, please.

>Inquisition
>my face

>>9786314
OH THAT'S REAL FUCKIN' GREAT! GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!

>>9786293

Oh no! No, please calm down! I-it's not what you are thinking! There's an Inquisitor, and he has asked for an elite unit of Guardsmen for personal use. He's the one who requested these changes! Please calm down! Please? It's not so bad, really! I promise!

>>9786347
There there there. No one's blaming you.

Can you add more metal to the guardsman?

>>9786347

YOU ARE NOT THE ONE HAVING HIS BRAIN CUT UP AT THE WHIM OF SOME SCRAWNY PUNK WITH A PATCH!

Release me or die, wench!

>>9786347
PERSONAL USE?!

OHGOD OHGOD OHGOD OHGOD OHGOD

>>9786347
Which part isn't that bad?! The lobotomy or being sent out to fight warpspawn and Emperor knows what else?! WHICH PART ISN'T THAT BAD, CUZ' I'M HAVIN' A HARD TIME FIGURIN' IT OUT ON THIS END!

>>9786347
>he has asked for an elite unit of Guardsmen for personal use

But I'm not gay! I like women! I'll prove it to you:
What are you doing later after your shift?

>>9786370

Hypothetical for you. At what percentage of mechanical parts does he stop being a Guardsman rather than a Servitor?

>>9786278
>These are the Inqu- I mean, the Commissar's orders... oh no, I didn't mean to say that...
Regardless of how combat effective I'll be I really, really, REALLY don't want to be made into a servitor.

Hey nurse!

You done turning that guardsman into sex combat servitor like I asked fo-

...Oh. Hello. Nevermind me, guardsman.

>>9786372

NO! We're not lobotomizing you, believe me! The Inquisitor has combat servitors already! He just wanted his squad to have more firepower, so wanted you to have an MIU unit as well as a meltagun! Please, stop thrashing! If they find out I let you know... oh, please just stop...

Droopy-Tan is not friendly. Do not let her near your junk.

>>9786407
iamokwiththis.jpg

>>9786410
Okay I'll keep quiet...
...if you kiss it where it hurts to make the pain go away. ^_^

>>9786407
Fat thighs. Ugh.

>>9786428

...ARE YOU NOT LISTENING? KEEP HER AWAY! KEEP HER AWAY!

>>9786410
Let's make a deal. We both get the hell out of here and board the nearest rogue trader vessel. How does that sound?

>>9786410

Stop lying. I've seen other guardsmen with bionics, and this is NOT what they have. Data slates?! I'M A HUMAN BEING, for the emperor's sake!

If I am going to be hacked up, tell that inquisitor that I want to see his or her face, NOW.

>>9786393
Depends. Is he still aware of himself? Has his brain been tampered with?

Servitors are, by definition, mindless.

He's being blessed with the holy machine. He should feel pride.

>>9786434
>Fat thighs

YOU HAVE ANGERED PANTIES GIRL.

PREPARE TO DIE.

>>9786463

Man up, you baby.

>>9786428

I... you... you monster... undue stress puts pressure on an MIU unit in it's installation stages, and they told me you weren't to know, so that your stress levels were low. They'll kill me if they know I told you... and you would use that as leverage?

>>9786410
Thats it. It's rape hundred hours.

>>9786473

Release me or we BOTH die.

>>9786473
Ah, and now the fap thread starts. Well fuck, it's been fun guys

>>9786463
Ah. Fuuka. Back to human again I see.

Hm. I need you to try this ancient Terran dish. It's called Haggis.

>>9786473
Sedate him and mark his file for servitor status. That'll save your bacon and remove from him the pain of his current lot in life.

>>9786486

I... I can't just RELEASE you! Even if the systems could disengage without the safety shut-offs being checked, we're on an Imperial Cruiser! Where would we go?

>>9786473

"whoa whut"

>>9786473
I just want to be held. T_T
I've spent years on a battlefield watching all my friends die away, but I can't show any weakness. I can't just look my Commissar in the eyes and tell her... I love her...

Nurse, Is the Servitor I requested Ready?

Quick, use your leverage to fuck her!

>>9786506

Anywhere but here.

Release me now.

>>9786463
You are blind. You are no threat at all! Now be a good wench and fetch me a gin & tonic.

SERVITOR? OH NO YOU WON'T. SUICIDE, HO!

>>9786506

Lady, I didn't have anywhere to go planetside except "headlong into a sea of ripshit pissed off Orks," so "Imperial Battle Cruiser" sounds like a fucking playground.

Besides, there's Jefferies Tubes, and shit.

>>9786550

...I'm not sure that will help. They can still use us if we die. Even if just as a servo skull.

>>9786524

I-I... Inquisitor... the subject is not ready yet... I'm conducting basic diagnostics while he is out. Progress is... is on schedule.

>>9786522
Second

>>9786566
>My face when I'm not out and hearing the conversation.

>>9786566
release my restraints now or I shout what you told me.

>>9786565
Yeah, but at least the "lobotomy" will be on our terms. And preferably all over the med bay with a few others taken along for the ride

>>9786524
>>9786566

AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
*THRASH, STRUGGLE*

>>9786565
>even just a servo skull
JUST a Servo-Skull?

Meatbag you best be joking.

>>9786599
>>9786592
>>9786585

NO! You've ruined everything!

STAY BACK, INQUISITOR! I-I'll shoot! I swear I'll do it!

You Have Startled The Nurse

QUICK! LET'S USE OUR LATENT PSYKER POWERS THAT FOR SOME REASON WERE NEVER DETECTED!

>>9786625
Oh fuck me.

inb4 a confused, amused, and dangerously sexy Verity "punishes" this one for assuming her position.

The subject is proving to be both astute of assumption and rather resistant to perform his duties to the Imperium as slated, Inquisitor. He may not be an ideal candidate.

>>9786622
unchain me, now!

>>9786637

Oh, I have no problem with duty. I'm a guardsman after all. Just NOT LIKE THAT.

>>9786637
Are you kidding? Break my willpower and my astuteness would be nothing but an asset, you pompous ass!

>>9786635
I think she plans to. And not in a good way

you humans amuse this one.

>>9786638

Alright, I'll do it! Stay back, Inquisitor! I d-don't want to shoot you, but I will! *shuts down wiring and restraints*

WHY IS THERE NOTHING TO FAP TO YET
GOD THIS IS A SLOW NIGHT FOR /TG/

>>9786661
I know, right?

>>9786662
Awesome, now where's the weapon that was supposed to be attached to my shoulder arm whatever?

>>9786666
i've been fapping the entire time, because my fetish is TERRIBLY WRITTEN ANIME BULLSHIT

>>9786653
>>9786658

You've been selected for the singular honor of both serving an Inquisitor directly and, from appearances, being permitted to retain your self-awareness. Yet you're resisting this most vigorously. I would go with it.

>>9786675 TERRIBLY WRITTEN ANIME BULLSHIT

Oh come now, Higurashi may have had its flaws but it was still an interesting literary experiment.

>>9786685

Don't listen to him! Please, I released you! You have to help me! They'll kill me if you don't!

>>9786685
...........................
You know, this might not be that bad, come to think of it.
Will I still get to fuck the nurse?

Hey Nurse, when am I getting my roboarms?

>>9786668

quite

>>9786699

She's clearly fucked up in front of an Inquisitor. Could be part of her punishment.

>>9786697
DON'T WORRY BABE
I'M A BERSERKER PACKIN' MAN AND A HALF

LETS FUCKING DO THIS

>>9786708
Hm, I need to check myself. I'm in total agreement with a Xeno.

Who am I kidding? This is a fun show!

>>9786685

This is clearly a test. Us being allowed to stay conscious and told of what's coming is a test to see if we're gonna flip out and fight back. Any soldier who doesn't isn't aggressive enough to be part of an Inquisitor's personal squad.

The nurse is a plant, she's in on it.

Hey, Inquisitor, babe, what's the holdup?

You said that the servitor AND the nurse would be jacked full of cocaine by now.

I'm starting to get the sniffles, seriously.

>>9786715
*slow grin*
Then I think we have a deal...

>>9786697

*charges inquisitor, knocking her aside*

Where's the armory and docking bay? Time is of the essence!

>>9786724

While doubtless some Inquisitors would choose a test such as this, you're still acting a fool.

Though really, who am I to protest? I don't work for the Inquisition right now.

>>9786694
THEN HOW COME I WAS HARD THE ENTIRE TIME

>>9786700
AUGMETICS SOON, FELLOW AMPUTEE.

>>9786756

OH REALLY? WHEN?

>>9786724
Don't forget the part where we begin to fully synch up with whatever it is embedded in us through rage/adrenaline/etc and a desire to use the weapon on our own.

>>9786756

REALLY? WHEN?

>>9786750
So what are you doing here anyway? Not that I really care; as long as I get dat ass and my roboarms I'll be good with whatever suicidal mission the Inquisitor wants.

>>9786764
>>9786767
LOL JK NEVER

Why haven't we flipped out and punched the Inqusitor in the face yet?

Also, the nurse had a laspistol on her? Good girl.

>>9786708
>>9786723
And a heretic daemon xenos astartes.

>>9786765
Does that mean it will be WWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Time soon?! Oh please say it will!

>this thread

>>9786772
Know what, I don't even care. Don't bother to answer that. Just give me the nurse and we can move on.

>>9786726
Ah shas o' would you like to meet my friend bolter?

>>9786745

T-the Inquisitor keeps everything on his ship in the docking bays!

S-STAY BACK! *snapping of lasgun fire*

>>9786697

IMPERIAL GUARD STRONG

Punch the fag in the funny coat. Just do it. I'm trying to justify my desire to do violence to this man who's in my chain of command, but I don't even fucking care. Just... fuck it.

>>9786772

My crew was down with you guys. One 'em got hit, so I came to see his status in this ship's body 'n fender. Our contract expired at 1800 yesterday.

inb4Verity

>>9786808
>Pic

>>9786813
Cool story, bro. Already decided I didn't care. Nurse please. Preferably naked.

>>9786813
Mr. Kobrek seize the nurse and our would be servitor friend

>>9786806
*yoink*
I think we should stick together, let's get out of here.
*Runs to docking bays*

>>9786806

This is why I hate Inquisitors. They spend more time trying to murder cute nurses aboard starships in orbit then they do on the surface, reaping punk asses in a whirlwind of violence.

Speaking of whirlwinds of violence, why are we not doing that, like, right now?

At what point did this become about raping the nurse rather than surviving?

>>9786841

Ahah, me and my big mouth. Yes'm, I'll see what I can do.

>>9786855
the moment it was posted on /tg/

>>9786844
And you there stop! (cocks and points bolt pistol)

>>9786844

A-alright, we need to head down through the barracks and lander hangers first... oh... oh what am I doing...

>>9786841
If you do catch him and servitorize him, you think I could borrow him? I need to clean up the floor after my last servitor exploded.

>>9786855
When this was /tg/.

>>9786870
now that we're away from the inquisitor YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO FATHER NURGLE AHAHAHA

>>9786853
Why would I murder my own subordinate!?

rolled 10 = 10

>rolling for warp shenanigans

>>9786855
This became about raping the nurse when that big lummox of a stormtrooper told me I could!

>>9786866
Just see if you can catch me bitch, you're keeping me from obtaining the aforementioned tail

>>9786855

For me? The moment you posted that picture.

>>9786870
YOU'RE GOING TO SUCK MY COCK, THAT'S WHAT

>>9786888
Ooo, so close

>>9786888

Don't you roll 2d6 for those?

>>9786883

Well, strikes me that with a whole ship at your potential disposal, this shouldn't be too difficult, ma'am. I'll see about cutting them off at the docking ports for the landers.

>Whee! A cute nurse and a fun ride! Pray, continue!

rolled 8 = 8

>>9786917

Did anything happen?

>>9786894
My patience run thin guardsman stop this instant
and we will discuss the aforementioned acquisition of her tail

>>9786934
Aw, just off again. Well, third time's the charm and whatnot

>>9786945

No, just STOP IT! *snapping of more shots*

rolled 2, 2 = 4

>>9786917

last try

>>9786961
Well shit guys

>>9786956

You're only going to exacerbate things at this point if you keep that up.

>>9786961
Oh, hello, once-was-elfdar. Whatcha doing?

>>9786945
Inquisitor? A response to >>9786875 ?

>>9786956
How did you even get a gun, bitch? I'll be taking that.

>>9786945
Well, now that I'm armed, I feel a bit more comfortable discussing terms with you. You give me roboarms and my way with this nurse, my astuteness and fiery spirit are yours to use in whatever crazy mission you have planned. Deal?

>>9786986

Breaking my coffee cup it seems...

>>9786956
Nurse! I have every right of executing you right here right now but since i need you for that guardsman's operation I'll give you a full pardon so stop running

this 'quest' has gone totally batshit. But to date, I can see this:

1. We have not yet erupted in an orgy of horrific violence.
2. We have not yet rescued the cute nurse LIEK A BAAAWS and/or raped the shit out of her yet.
3. WE HAVE NOT YET MURDERED MOTHERFUCKERS.

Seriously, what kind of Guardsman are we? Fuck this shit, let's get with the program already.

>Friendly, Nervous, Frightened, Distraught

Just wait until she hits 100% droopy...

>>9786991

NOOO! NO NO NO IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE THIS WAY... I only ever wanted to be a nurse, and help people... *falls to knees and sobs into hands*

>>9786945
We should totally stop. This Inquisitor seems relatively laid back.

>>9786998
And remember the tail, Inquisitor. Since I still don't trust that I WON'T wake up from this with all sorts of fancy cerebral implants modifying my willpower, I figure I'm entitled to some carnal indulgence.

>>9786991
Fine! do what you want first but know this do anymore shenanigans I swear on the emperor himself ill throw you into the eye of terror my self

You know what we really need? VIBROARMS.

They'll let us turn all our weapons into vibroweapons AND make us popular with the ladies!

>>9786998

>>9787019
*Slap*
GET A GRIP, WOMAN! We need to go, NOW!!
*Grabs the laspistol, firing off a few shots and ducking into the barracks.*

This guardsmean doesn't seem properly appreciative of the honour being bestowed upon him. Perhaps he is not suitable material for this program.

>>9787052

So I'm not the only one thinking this.

>>9787036
No problems. See, I'm putting the gun down. Is there a place I can take her that's a little more...private?

>>9787019
Oh stop whining. I'm not a Slaaneshi heretic, my tastes are comparatively simple. You might even enjoy it.

>>9787019
This. And in light of...
>>9786991
I guess spare her too. She was just concerned about her patient?

>>9787052
Agreed.

Kids these days.

...You guys do realize that last time Takano got raped she ended up killing thousands of people, right? This will not fucking end well.

>>9787047
>>9787068
You and you. I'm jacking the Guardsman's part, and damned if I'm not gonna do it better and actually get some action.

>>9787052
just as expected from those retards at segmentum command not properly educating their guardsman sheesh, I need you to take nurse but don't kill her
and cripple the guardsman

I should probably Nom someone... if things get to that point

>>9787086
Hey Inquisitor, what's that whispering? I thought we had discussed things.

>>9787086
Were you planning on servitorising him? Because that would be a waste of a veteran guardsman. You can make a perfectly good servitor out of people without any training whatsoever. I imagine this ship will have a few candidates.

>>9787086

STAY AWAY FROM ME! JUST GO AWAY! *closes eyes and covers ears, hysterically muttering prayers to the Emperor over and over*

>>9787101
Whoa man. That all consuming hive mind is getting to you.

It's times like this that I feel that the Imperium's right hand has no idea what the left is doing. Usually the right hand is fondling its testicles, while the left is clawing its own face off like a bloated, fat slaaneshi cultist with some horrible mental illness (other than the obvious - being full of heresy).

>>9787086

>>9787123
Hey, whoever that is, he..or she, I guess...has a point. You should listen to them, Inquisitor.

>>9787135

Take a deep breath and calm down. You can't help anyone, even yourself, when you're this broken down. Focus.

>>9787136
I know... and I like the feeling

The ship could come under attack right about now for no clear reason.

I know what the nurse's problem is...

>>9787161
So do I...she needs a good dicking to cheer her up!
Inquisitor! It's now or never: is there a spare room I could take her to get my end of the deal over with?

>>9787159
Uh huh. I forget what hunger feels like.

Either way you might want to tone it down a touch. Tyranids capable of communication are rare, and I wouldn't want my research subject going feral on me.

>>9787161
Oh man is she going to get it for that...

>>9787159
Okaaaaaay, "Kerrigan."

We still haven't killed anybody yet.

>>9787168

I was going to go with several severe mental illnesses, murderous impulses, a well-deserved fear of men, and pedophilia, but that works too.

>>9786764
>>9786767
AS SOON AS WE HEAR BACK FROM THE ADMINISTRATUM.

>>9787042

BRILLIANT! Vibrochainswords! How did we not think of it sooner!?

>>9787159
MAGOS what's this doing here?
Is it a tyranid?

>>9787203
That's a question for the good magos, I suppose

>>9787196
Or I could pull a few strings.

If you do me some favours...

>>9787203
Adeptus Evangelion did it

>>9787086
You are horrible at whispering. And I mean fucking terrible.

>>9787203
*BLAM*

>>9787205
It's my valuable research. Try not to harm it unless it interferes in our affairs.

>>9787179

Kerrigan... what?

>>9787168

*stands*

O Eternal Emperor,
Who Alone watches us,
And rules the tides and stroms,
Be compassionate to your servant,
Gift me your strength, your resolve and your courage three,
That I may complete my purpose!

*draws nano-saw tube from nursing pocket*

I WILL NOT BE SOME TOY!

*activates saw and plunges into neck, blood fountaining forth before she falls to her knees, shuddering in agony*

>>9787226
Im not even whispering Emperor damn it
Since when did this ship got full of aliens and heretics?

>>9787228
>Starcraft joke

Nevermind. Here - have some Sheepkas. Should take the edge off that gnawing hunger.

>>9787243

Well damn. There goes a physically capable, if mentally unstable, medic.

I think this is the point where we sling the nurse over our shoulder, wave to all those assembled, and walk out of the fucking room.

"Have fun discussing your fucking nids or chainswords or whatever, wankers, I've got shit to do and xenos to purge."

>>9787196
Lily also wants to know if you can do something about her eyes

>>9787243
Looks like I'm getting my servitor after all.

>>9787243
Damn it call the Medic...
*grabs her and puts pressure on wound*

>>9787243 dying without taking everyone on the ship with her

This is SO fucking out of character!

...body's still warm though, right?

>>9787267

You only need the head, right?

>>9787279
kobrek Kill that guy now

rolled 2, 2, 3, 1 + 7 = 15

>>9787272
*sigh*
Biomancy - Seal Wound - watch me invoke Perils

>>9787272

They're already en route, though with a wound like that there won't be much they can do. Not unless you've got a way to keep blood circulating through her with that massive gash. Looks like a write-off.

>>9787272

*eyes look into those of the Inquisitor, blood welling from mouth*

GURKH... please... no...

*eyes beg him to let her die as words become beyond her due to blood and saw damage*

>>9787272
I'm extremely tempted to make an obvious joke regarding the fact that she IS the medic, Inquisitor...
Emperor damn it to the warp, how do you people manage to screw up something as simple as letting me have a private room to get it on?
Here, let me do that. You've been out of the field too long, Inquisitor; you've forgotten how battlefield first aid works.

>>9787264
Again, I can pull some strings if you do me a couple of favors....

>>9787312

You're short a physical arm, lad. Forgot about that?

Yo, just dropping by to ask, has anyone seen my arms?

>>9787326
Anybody here who knows battlefield first aid?

>>9787295

If you want me to stop trying to keep this nurse from joining the Emperor this soon, sure.

>>9787325

Short on resources, you say? No, no, the Guard is not familiar with THAT quandary at all.

NO NOT REALLY, FUCK YOU

>>9787325
...well fuck me gently with a chainsword, you're right.

>>9787326
Yo creepy, are you a psyker? Great...all I needed was to get tangled up with Inquisitors and their pet spooks. Whatever, just hurry up and heal her. She's DYING, dammit! I'm not a necrophiliac!

rolled 9, 8, 3 + 7 = 27

Brain failure.
>d10s, not 6s in DH

>>9785334
....

>>9787243

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>9787375

Down, 'nid. This blood's not for you.

rolled 5 + 7 = 12

>>9787349
>>9787362
>>9787371
Sorry about that, I'm just glad I can do this Fettered.
>Above Wounds recovered

>>9787375
*Baps with newspaper*
NO! NO! BAD!

Here, have a Sheepka.

...So first the Guardsman wants the body, then the Tech wants the head, then the Nid wants the rest?

Well, at least she's not going to waste.

>>9787375
You stay the fuck away from her xenos scum, as long as there's a chance she'll live ain't no way I'm letting dat ass get away.

>>9787373
Hey Inquisitor, if she does die, what happens to our deal? I'll still expect a good lay, and it looks like you're the only female around.

>>9787387
>>9787396

... damnit

>>9787404

oh gawd

>>9787405
She'll live, but it'll take her some time to recover from the blood loss. Probably a week or so.

And the Inquisitor ISN'T the only female around. There are Sheepkas.

>>9787438
Indeed. They are delicious.

However this isn't a charity. 5 Thrones.

>>9787438

I...what ARE those things?

>>9787438
...feels like I should know this already...
Whatever, I've been through the fuckin' mill, and my chance at getting some won't come again for another week. I'm entitled to an answer.
The hell is a Sheepka?

>>9787405
*points bolt pistol* you caused me A LOT of trouble Guardsman

>>9787459

So off 'im. There're plenty more. Or don't, whatever.

>>9787447
Clones of Fuuka.

They are currently being used for my experiments.

>>9787438

What, do we not have blood transfusion supplies on this ship?

WTF is wrong with this ship
Oh emperor guide me and these idiots around me

>>9787474

You CLONED her? What in the Emperor's name made that sound like a GOOD idea?

>>9787438

food

>>9787459

Words fail me at this point in time, so.... yeah.

>>9787487

You'll be down one more if the other medics don't make it here soon. I don't know where they are, but without proper equipment and treatment the nurse'll be gone any minute now. Battlefield expediency only does so much.

>>9787488
They seem to be quite useful.

They are also surprisingly delicious, as my Experimentors have tasted..

*goes still, blood running down neck. About two liters pool around her*

>>9787438
>>9787447
>>9787458
>Note to self: Sort damn faggery folder.

Sheepkas were an inadvertant creation of Fuuka, where she was accidentally turned into a sheep-thing. And duplicated.

>>9787512

Damn it, WHERE ARE THE MEDICS?!

Good lord, has the quality of the average Imperial Guardsman really sunk so low since I last checked that they are now not only are incredibly stupid, but outright argue with Inquisitors and disobey direct orders? What happened to the respect? The awe? And most importantly, the fear? I remember when not long ago, even the thickest Guardsman would rather fellate his lasgun than speak poorly of a member of the Inquisition except perhaps in a small box with walls three feet thick on all ends. And even then he would whisper it under his breath.

Holy shitballs, I came as fast as I cou-

....

...

what the FUCK is going on in here....

>>9787512
I'll take her to Medical. You people work out your problems.

>>9787517
>>9787505

Still sounds like a potential nightmare to me. Can they do any of the stuff she can? 'Cuz I'm still suffering her little 'curse'.

>>9787535
Oh hey there. Take your time. I get her head if she dies.

>>9787535

About damn time! She's just gone unconscious, I think, but there's not much blood left in her. Get working!

>>9787545
Wait. The original Fuuka does things?

What curse?

>>9787512

Yeaaah... what?

>>9787564

If you don't already know, I'm not going to say anything other than 'RIDER KICK' was one of her battlecries.

>>9787512

Man how the FUCK did you manage to fuck this u- HEY, YOU, FUCKASS, HELP ME GET THIS BITCH ON THAT TABLE HERE.

We've got a table here meant to provide life support to guys who've had their HEARTS ripped out to make room for crazy-ass robot tech and shit and you dipshits didn't think to USE it? Fuck me sideways. Just... yeah, right there. Okay, now that... no, it's just a substitute, she'll need a proper transfusion later, but for now she'll have enough flow to keep from brain death.

Just gimme room to work, chuckles.

>>9787545
You and me both, sport. Fortunately the Sheepkas are not nearly as inimicable.

>>9787533
Well I could have killed all of them But im really short of men here and one of them's bleeding to death

>>9787578
*Lightly kicks your shin with a robotic spider leg*

Right... so while we wait for her to recover, let's get working on the vibroarm installation.

Excuse me! We're going to need to clear this area so I can check out the--What the fuck...
...
... I'll come back later.

>>9787598

DON'T. EVEN. TRY.

You might not be able to see through my visor, but I'm glaring at you. Oh yes. Most furiously.

Let her bleed out...

<.<

>>9787594

Oh, really? I guess they're not such a concern as I originally thought, then.

>>9787533

Oh get the fuck OUT. You fuckers send us head-long into grinding combat with horrific aliens who's war machines are terrifying and vile in the ways they'll dismember us, painfully and horrifically, and you expect us to be afraid of YOU? What are YOU assholes gonna do, SHOOT us? Really scary, HEY GUYS THIS JUST IN, WE'RE GONNA DIE BY GETTING SHOT. We're fucking Guardsmen, that's old news.

Oh, you could torture us, but we could just accidentally the whole melta-bomb and take you WITH us before that happened.

>>9787603
*BLAM*

>>9787612
*Kicks slightly harder*

>>9787617
Have another Sheepka.

Holy EMPEROR ON THAT DAMNED THRONE
Is that you Lord Lemman Russ you look...
Girly im quite sure you were a boy according to the records>

>>9787631

Stop. For the sake of whatever you respect, stop. I REALLY don't like when that...thing happens.

>>9787597
Inquisitor, have you got a psy-damper around here anywhere? Because I could've SWORN I just repaired that nurse's injury.

>>9787630

I can always munch on this one... right?

>>9787651

Probably on her person. Most Inquisitors would have one, I'd think, unless they had good reason not to.

>>>9787651
What? why?
Did you break yours?

>>9787665

Have at 'im. Just watch out for the crunchy bits.

>>9787649
*Flicks on pict-recorder and kicks harder*

What the blazing hell is going on here?

Inquisitor, what in the world possessed you to not call in some of the Emperor's finest to subdue a deranged guardsman and suicidal nurse?

I swear. I only knew about this since I checked in on why someone was calling for medics.

Uh, yeah, you hear me? Yeah, got her on one of the servitor tables... oh, fuck no. Yeah. Right. Speak up, this comlink is shit.

... Yeah, that's it. Can you give me more? ... Yeah, that should do it. No brain damage on the scans... once we get the blood in her and fix the patch on her neck, should be all set.

Yeah, grazed the spine, but a psyker here did some mojo before I got here, looks like its good as new. We'll have her on her feet in minutes, actually.

... Uh, no. Just... send it down on a robo gurney. Uh, you... you don't want to come down here. Trust me.

>>9787669
No, but I tried using Biomancy - you know, psyker bullshit - on the nurse, and I thought it worked.

Unless someone cut her again...
*looks at everyone suspiciously*

>>9787676

!!!!

>>9787679

YOU SONOVABITCH, YOU KNOW DON'T YOU?!

Back! You stay on THAT side of the room! *jumps away*

>>9787703
Tell me then. I'll kick harder.

>>9787680
It was supposed to be a TOP SECRET OPERATION
Throne if i didnt need them i would have sent this ship on a full course to a nearby star and be off to terra sunbathing while drinking tea with those little umbrellas on top do you understand?

Well fuck throne inquisitor, now we have to clean this entire hallway because there's blood everywhere.

>>9787716

I...*mumbles*

>>9787680

... sir, all due respect? How the fuck could you look at this scene for longer then two seconds and still expect a rational answer?

This is the mouth of fucking madness here.

>>9787633
Oh yeah... this.

Um, ignore it, everyone else does.

>>9787695

Ugh... *coughs weakly as machines move away*

Oh... I'm... no...

*closes eyes, before silent tears run down her cheks toward her ears*

>>9787729
Speak up. *Wiggles leg*

>>9787746

Oh good. Despite your efforts to the contrary, you're still alive. Now calm down. Things may not be as bad as you think.

>>9787717
>>9787459
>>9787471
Alright, Inquisitor. You've got me. I'm an exhausted amputee who's just been cut a bum rap and might yet be turned into a drooling servitor...and yet I'm still willing to submit quietly to whatever this suicidal mission may be. Go ahead and blam me if you want, but I guarantee you'll have to look long and hard before you find another veteran Guardsman of my level with my natural talents.

>>9787716
And YOU! Why didn't you say that there were clones of her earlier? We could have let her bleed out and I could have gotten my rocks off no problem.

>brb munching on guardsman

>>9787753

Fucking hell. I turn into a bloody woman. Does it satisfy you to know that? Geh.

>>9787742
Oh hey Primarch.

I had the opportunity to ask Fuuka about you two. She sent me a pict.

>>9787757
Clones of the Sheepkas, not the nurse.

I'm... i'm going to be... the servitor now... aren't I...

>>9787630
I'm sorry, but I don't believe I know you. And unless I'm mistaken, you don't know me. So therefore you have no idea as to how I work or how I think. Shooting you is simple, inefficient, and above all, dull.
When I punish a Guardsman, I make a point of it being complex, efficient, and exciting. For example, I could have you cleaning the latrines for the next few months, during which time I will usurp control of the kitchens and start demanding they make certain foods specifically designed to make your job a living hell. Also, you will sleep and eat down there (assuming you have cleaned them enough to clean them enough to eat out of, otherwise you will go hungry). And if you decide not to do your job and let the shit pile up around you, then I will bring you out into the main area, strip you naked, and have your genitals lashed with an electrowhip for everyone to see.
Do I make myself clear, soldier?

>>9787746

"...What? Did you do this to... yourself?"

*looks at assorted cast of lunatics*

".... somehow, that makes sense."

>>9787767
Interesting. I might want to study this further.

Are you free to make an appointment?

>>9787784

Maybe, maybe not. Depends on what the Inquisitor needs and desires of you.

>>9787773
Crap. Not that one. This one.

>>9787787

Sir, You are talking to a corpse...

... or what's left of it.

>>9787776
Ah, I see.

>>9787767
...are you sure this one isn't a Slaaneshi heretic, madam Inquisitor?

>>9787746
*suddenly considerably more tender*
Hey now, girl...surely it isn't that terrible a prospect? I really wasn't expecting the suicide attempt...most girls leap at the chance to be with one of the Emperor's Imperial Guardsmen.

>>9787784
No you aren't i have plans for you...now go to my private quarters

>>9787773
mmm... cookies.

Also, another pic I don't remember.

I need to stop... something other than drinking.

Maybe take some fish oil caps or something.

>>9787811
Is that when Fuuka shoved Russ into a dress? That was adorable.

>>9787807
No. Go piss off Fuuka and have her do it to you instead.

>>9787830
But that's the thing, would it even effect me? I AM most machine after all.

>>9787788
... I'm not so sure. I think we should just go before someone shoots us.

>>9787818
No that guy isnt a slaaneshi cultist

>>9787847

I'm pretty sure it'd work fine. It'd probably work even if she did it to a Necron.

>>9787825
Indeed. Like hell she's gonna be a servitor, after all that trouble.
Say...private quarters? Now that's more like it, madam Inquisitor!

>>9787787

... these assumptions, you make...

To wit, two weeks ago our rear-area camp was over-run, and the only decent fighting position we could defend was the latrine trench. So that became our foxhole and trench. For three weeks. The commissary had been wiped out already, so we lived off strips of cold-cut Ork that we ate while standing up to our knees in shit.

Did you know that smell is 90% of taste, Commisar? Because I sure as fucking hell know it now.

As for balls and whips, I've got this funny story involving an amphibious op and the local species of Terran-imported jellyfish.

Are you starting to comprehend?

>>9787848
Good sir, I have an answer. I'd like to hire you as a full-time Experimentor!

I offer free food and shelter, and high pay for exciting work that betters mankind! What do you say?

>>9787873
Guardsman! You ate dead orks?

>>9787873

Oh bugger... I think I ate the wrong guardsman..

>>9787818

I've worked alongside Sisters of Battle, Inquisitorial Stormtroopers, and under and Inquisitor LORD. If I were a heretic, I'd have been sent to the warp a LONG time ago.

>>9787817
Am I? Well, so I am. Regardless, I'm glad that's settled and the fool has been dealt with. Drinks all around.

>>9787873
Say, friend, do I know you? Weren't you my trench buddy fighting against the Orks down there?

(Horny Guardsman is now the name for the amputee veteran who's trying like mad to get some tail, stay alive, and hold up his end of the deal with the Inquisitor...in that order)

>>9787893

Surely you have room for another measly Guardsman?

He's only wafer-thin!

>>9787861
Hm, interesting. Fuuka seems to have disappeared though. Pity.

>>9787888
I was right. Um. right. Ship stuff. Ship security stuff. I better go do ship stuff at some place that isn't here.

>>9787920

She'll be back. You'll have your chance.

>>9787901
One would think so...
*eyes him suspiciously*

>>9787929

Save your roving eyes for the girls, lad.

Not reading the thread.

How many posts did it take to rape the nurse?

Anyway, what was that about private quarters, madam Inquisitor?

>>9787891

I think? Either that, or we just chewed on them and spit it out and screamed and pissed on the bodies. Somewhere in there it all gets hazy. But there was rage, I remember that.

We were about to get our first hot meal in MONTHS, and then... just... holy fucking... fuck.

>>9787909

Oh yeah, I remember you. I think you got hit when... well, somebody just screamed SLOW YER ROLL SON and some Trukk or something with a Deff Rolla on it promptly stopped rolling. I remember that.

>>9787916

My stomach is smaller than a guant's, Im pretty sure half a guardsman was plenty.

the rest of him is that mess over there

THRONE!
I forgot what my plan is....hmmm

>>9787923
Hopefully.

>>9787922
I won't shoot you! It's an easy, but necessary job! No one seems to want to do it! That's why I have to pay high! Come on, you know a good deal when you see one don't you?

>>9787954

Damn. Well, you can have him next time you're hungry then.

>>9787950
Cool story bro. I think that's the last thing I remember before waking up in this madhouse. No offense, madam Inquisitor.

>>9787955

Honestly, either brainwash...I mean, 'cleanse the mind' of the nurse or give her some R&R to get herself in order. Or fire her, in which case I know of a merc crew looking for a medic.

>>9787922

Hope you don't mind sending a bolt pistol down here, soon? I swore an oath for this ob, so I can't leave my patients, and she can't be moved yet.

Did I mention I fucking hate this job?

>>9787975

That may take days

>>9787955

I will go...

*slowly stands, pats down bloody nurse smock and walks from the room. Her eyes are dull and seem to lack any emotion at all*

Somebody archive this thread, it's full of interplay and lulz.

>>9788001
*over intercom* What the heck do you need a bolt--fuck it. Someone will be right down with that.

So /tg/ woke up, assumed the identity of an inquisotor , a merc, some tech magos, and then a liar showed up and still no nurse rape.

/tg/ I am slightly proud

my arms however are not amused and still missing

>>9788008
Uh...she supposed to be lookin' like that?

>>9788004
Well nevermind then. I'll be gone by then and he won't be a nuisance t'me.

>>9787985

Shit, I just got lost on my way to the commissary. I've wanted a taco for so long it hurts.

>>9788001
Hey, buddy, it's the Imperium. We all hate our jobs.

>>9788008
*looks uneasily around*
Think I should give her some time to recover, or should I go after her now? She seems...I dunno...maybe I should comfort her or something.

>>9787830
Pretty sure that one's been manipulated. I can tell from some of the stipples and seeing a few manipulations in my time.

>>9787920
You may be able to lure her out with picts of Sheepkas, or Russes.

>>9787826
YES.

>>9787830
It's entirely possible Russ has some sort of, um, "fondness" for dresses.

Commisar, sir.

Is the behavior here entirely... orthodox?

>>9788008

Now, where have I seen eyes like that before...

Ay-Oh-Kay, bolter, bolter, we have a bolter. Now I'll just...

did she just fucking WALK out of here? Oh god DAMMIT you can't let a suicide case just walk. I'll be right back.

*waves bolter to punctuate statement*

>>9788045

I'd wait. Go after her now and it's probably going to be like a warm doll. Let her get some life back in her eyes.

Hey, someone needed a bolt--umm... I don't know how to respond to this.

>>9788045
I don't know what you're talking about, but I think clearly no one involved in this has been using the word 'think.' Go for it.

>>9788008
Good...why dont you rest on my bed
and leave them for a while

>>9788073
>>9788071
Point taken and appreciated, stormtrooper, but I think I'd better go with the medicae just in case.
Yo doc, she went this way, I think.

>>9788071

Bah, shit, didn't think of that. I've got your back.

>>9788023

I could always rape the nurse.

*commotion from the next room over*

OF COURSE THE NURSE HAS A LASPISTOL, WHY THE FUCK NOT

WHAT'S IN YOUR OTHER POCKET BITCH, A TYRANNOSAUR?

Damnit the hell Irons. This is the last time I go along with "I accept favors as collateral for bets," even if I had a full house.

So... um.. guys? All you needed was the bolter right? I'm just ... uh... going to step back slowly and try not to be noticed...

*arrives at Inquisitor's quarters. Not even looking around, she walks to the bedside and sits on the edge, looking straight forward*

>>9788071
>>9788101
>>9788107
PLENTY OF FLUIDS AND IRON SUPPLEMENT TABLETS!

>>9788107
What are you doing mr. kobrek
cant you see the nurse is tired and WILL rest at MY ROOM?

>>9788130

Gah! No, that pocket HAD her surgical tools! Look out!

>>9788122
*Sticks his head back in the room*
Like hell you will, xenos. Magos, I believe I speak for everyone when I say, put that thing back in its tube or whatever.
*dashes back out*

>>9788122
...you're equipped for that? Just what sort of body are you in, anyway?

Oh, and NO.

>>9788135

Whoa. Barely even reacting. It's like she's
an automaton.

>>9788137

I've no problem with that concept, Ma'am, but she's behavin' kinda funny. It might be best to keep an eye on her.

>>9788140
>>9788150

>my face

>>9788122

Heresy!

I think... this situation is slightly confusing...

>>9788170
Agreed. I think the medicae and I will be fine, madam Inquisitor. We'll look after her.

>>9788063
Damn.

>>9788132

Oh, there you are. Yeah, thanks, I needed that. And don't you go anywhere. Come in here. MOVE it, goddamit, don't leave me alone with these psychopaths.

Right, um... just keep an eye on the door of the cabin. I'm going to try and talk to her.

*snaps fingers* Hey, kid, wake up. There's two big guys who are very sane and have bolters with them, you're safe. Saaafeee. Eh? Hello?

>>9788135
*stands awkwardly in the door, looking at her*
...You should really get some rest, girl. The doc'll be in soon to check on you.

>>9788224

*looks blankly at the Meditech*

If you require something, please say so.

*her voice is monotone*

>>9788135

Patting her down for weapons might be in order at this point.

>>9788237

"Oh, yeah. I require you to SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT, DUMBASS, I've got your scan right here, you have no brain damage, and-

wait, did you say something about servitors?"

Mr.Medic I'll be sure to keep an eye at her
you and the others can now leave my room
*takes off coat and slowly reach for the nurses surgical tools in pocket*
youre safe now dont worry

>>9788237
Nurse.

What is your name?

>>9788211
It's scary how many of these picts there are. We were wandering through an Inquisition datavault that's full of them. They may be assembling it in case they need to charge the Space Wolves with heresy.

>>9788237
>>9788258

What the hell, doc? If her brainscan's normal, why's she actin' this way?