"I heard them say he was going senile... he probably doesn't even remember what he's supposed to do -"
A sudden booming noise echoed around the armoury chamber. It was a moment before anyone realised that the sound was that of laughter, issuing forth from the Dreadnought's speakers.
"VERY WELL!" Bjorn announced, once his fit of chuckling had subsided. "I SHALL DO BATTLE ONCE MORE!"
The worried expressions on the faces of the assembled Marines immediately turned to smiles and relief. "Of course, great one!" grinned the Captain. "It will be an honour to fight at your side!"
Bjorn was ecstatic. He was being awoken to actually fight, nobody wanted him to tell stories about fucking Leman Russ, and not once so far had anyone referred to him by his Emperor-forsaken full title. This century was shaping up well so far! If this luck kept up, they'd be celebrating their upcoming victories in battle with a complete sacred machine-oil application administered by a pair of the Adepta Sororitas -
"Uhm, mighty one? You sort of zoned out for a moment there... something about twins?"
"WHAT? NOTHING. WHEN DO WE FIGHT!?" Bjorn demanded, changing the subject quickly. "LEAD ME TO OUR SHIPS THAT WE MIGHT TRAVEL TO WHEREVER OUR ENEMIES DWELL!"
"We are already aboard our Battle Barge and orbiting our target," the Captain informed him. "In a short space of time we will be in position to drop assault pods and initiate the battle. If you would follow me to the pod bays, we shall prepare to depart immediately."
Ah! So they were already aboard a vessel, and not in the fortress as he had expected. No wonder the situation had seemed unusual when he awoke, for he realised he did not recognise his surroundings. Bjorn approved; anxious to fight as he was, the prospect of a lengthy and boring voyage to the field of battle would not have been a welcome one. With a hiss and a whir, his Dreadnought's motor systems roared into life and he made to follow the Brother-Captain.

"LEAD ON, BROTHER. I DO NOT RECOGNISE THIS VESSEL NOR KNOW ITS LAYOUT. WHICH SHIP HAS THE FORTUNE OF CARRYING US INTO BATTLE?"
The Captain mumbled something quietly and the other assembled marines looked nervously at each other.
"BROTHER, I HAVE SEEN THE PASSING OF TEN MILLENIA AND MY HEARING IS NOT WHAT IT ONCE WAS. SPEAK UP."
"We - we are aboard the Litany of Fury, ancient one."
"HM. A NEW ADDITION TO THE FLEET, IT SEEMS. THE CHAPTER IS DOING WELL. AND SURPRISINGLY CLEAN!" Bjorn remarked, looking upon the gleaming surfaces where hazy red reflections of his and the other Marines' armour could be seen. "I EXPECTED EVERYTHING TO BE COVERED IN WOLF SHI- RED. WHY AM I RED?"
"Oh, shit," muttered a Tech-Marine, before one of his companions poked him in the side with a mechadendrite. The Brother-Captain turned to glare at him for a moment before turning back to Bjorn.
"Why wouldn't you be red, revered Bjorn? Red has always been the colour of our chapter -"
"SILENCE!" Bjorn commanded, and the group fell quiet. Bjorn took a few steps over to a convenient nearby bulkhead and experimentally scraped one of his arms against the surface before rotating it into his field of view. A familiar bright blue could be seen peeking out from the scratched layer of red paint applied over it.
Now, Bjorn had indeed lived for longer than any other in the Imperium could claim, and the priests of the Space Wolves all believed the long years had driven him senile, but in truth his mental faculties were as sharp as they had ever been. Sometimes, however, they simply needed time to warm up after a long rest. He turned to face the red-armoured group, noting the bird and blood drop iconography featured on their shoulder-plates and the banners adorning the room.

"Now, mighty Bjorn, we can explain," the Captain began, but Bjorn silenced him with a shout.
"SHUT UP! I'M THINKING."
This was not something they had expected. All stood worriedly as they waited for Bjorn's thoughts to reach a conclusion.
"... HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WOLVES?"
There was some conferral. Eventually the Brother-Captain stepped forward again and said "We... are... neutral on the subject of wolves?"
"GOOD. I HATE THE FUCKING THINGS."
Bjorn leaned forward, as much as was possible for a dreadnought to do, until he teetered precariously over the Brother-Captain and the slightest tremor from the engines of the ship risked condemning the unfortunate Marine to a crushing death. He spoke.
"NO WOLVES. NO QUESTIONS ABOUT LEMAN RUSS. ABSOLUTELY NO REFERENCES TO FELL HANDS. ANYBODY WHO ASKS ME A QUESTION ABOUT THE OLD TIMES IS GOING TO BE USED AS PAINT TO HELP FIX THIS SHITTY JOB YOU'VE DONE ON ME," Bjorn rumbled. "THOSE ARE MY TERMS. AGREE, AND I'LL PRETEND NOT TO NOTICE WHAT YOU THIEVING LITTLE BASTARDS HAVE DONE. DEAL?"
The Captain nodded frantically.
"GOOD. NOW WHERE ARE THE FUCKING ASSAULT PODS?" Bjorn demanded, spinning his power claw and returing to a normal stance, mirth creeping back into his voice. This could turn out to be a very good century indeed.

It.... it's beautiful.

This pleases me.

>mfw I was about to correct you for calling them "apothecaries" and "tech-marines" and suddenly realize Bloody Magpies

>>13696793

There are no words. NO WORDS!

MOAR

CANON. This is now Canon, by the laws of /tg/ and for the glory of the Emprah himself.

This image seems apt.

I lol'd, but then I sad'd

no love for magpies

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD WHAT.

This is brilliance. Give yourself an internet.

BLOODY MAGPIES

wait what?
blood angels took Bjorn?

Now, how did they get into the catacombs of fenris to get bjorn onto their ship?
without killing about everyone down there trying to rip their limps of the "thieves"

explain yourself, or, by russ, I will shed a brothers blood

>>13696882

It was the Blood RAVENS also known as the Bloody Magpies.

They're specialists in stealing from other chapters, I wonder what the Brother who stole Bjorn got for his deed.

>>13696882
Fuck you that's how

>>13696882

Fuck off furfag, or read up on the Blood Magpies.

Here's a start:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13552516/

>>13696882
Bro, calm down. Here, we made you an axe. It's the... great... chain axe... of badassery. And wolves.

>>13696902
>we made you an axe
>here's an axe we stole from somewhere or other

>>13696882
Bjorn does not know or care! THESE DETAILS ARE UNIMPORTANT.

Blood Raven really are the greatest thieves.

>>13696882
All space marine chapters can do grandiose, almost impossible things, as long as they refer to something.

In the Bloody Magpies' case, it's stealing relics from other chapters and pretending they have always been theirs.

>>13696893

Musta been Tarkus. The champion speed painter of the Blood Ravens.

AND THEN THERE WERE TWINS

Astounding story, chap!

>>13696922

Those suits of Terminator armour? Totally Ultramarines before he found them in Angel Forge.

>>13696742
>>13696753
>>13696760
>>13696774

Its GLORIOUS

>this story

>>13696936

Tarkus painted up at least four suits of terminator armour in Bloody Magpies colours in the time it took for you to get back to angel forge and take a chunk out of the witch's health. So what ten minutes tops?

There is a reason Tarkus has been the champion speed painter of the chapter for a whole century.

I wonder what they're going to steal next.

Maybe the Emperor himself.

So the Blood Ravens, Basicaly are the niggers of the space marines?

Nigger stole my Dreadnought
...

AND WERE THE FUCK IS MY MELON TASTE ALE?

By Russ, ye gonna pay for that

I can live with someone borrowing Bjorn, BUT NOT ME ALE

Bjorn was already my favorite special character, but these stories make him so much better.

Are you so proud of this that you have to repost it every week?

Screen cap this please.

Those Battlebarge they have?

Stolen from the Imperial Navy.

>>13696973
>see original content
advicetroll.jpg
>accuse of reposting

Fucking awesome. There is no image macro for this win.

>>13696988
The blood is stolen from the Blood Angels.

>>13696988

No, Battlebarges are the sole purview of the Space Marines.

...strike cruisers on the other hand.

RAVENS! GET ME THOSE TYRANID HIDES

>>13697041
>guardsmen helmets on a spike
Awesome.

Yet to come:
Gleefully slaughtering away upon the field of battle, Bjorn comes across his fellow dreadnought, Davian Thule! They immediately find common ground in their shared refusal to discuss the history of their chapters, and a beautiful friendship blossoms. OR IS IT MORE?

Then they keep the entire Battle Barge awake at night awkwardly shouting the dreadnought equivalent of gay phone sex at each other from their maintenance bays.

I think there might be something wrong with me.

I LOVE YOU OP

>>13697088
Ah, but did you realise that the Force Commander is using his sword as a mirror to style his hair?

Screencapped

>>13696950

Already done. You know those flaws in the golden throne that suddenly popped up in the last repair cycle? Those are from the rushed job the Blood Ravens had to do in creating a fake throne to throw the Custodes off the scent while they fled the system. It was stolen singlehandedly by Captain Marcellus in M40 for his trials to ascend to the position of chapter master.

>>13696825

Same here, I was going "SPACE WOLVES DONT HAVE CAPTAINS! FFFFFFFFFFF!!!"

>red armor

Nevermind

>Then they keep the entire Battle Barge awake at night awkwardly shouting the dreadnought equivalent of gay phone sex at each other from their maintenance bays.

This image is hilarious

>>13697119
DO ET

>>13697163
"BABY. I REMOVE YOUR OUTER CASING TO EXPOSE THE SERVO SYSTEMS POWERING YOUR LEGS."
"THEY ARE WELL-MAINTAINED AND THRUM WITH ENERGY AT YOUR TOUCH."

TWINS

WE DEMAND TWINS

>>13697214
Bjorn the pimp-handed?

Hey, if two Dreadnoughts want to loudly vocally fuck each other, I'm not going to be the one to tell them to stop.

>>13697181
Now imagine this being shouted in a synthesized voice from totally different rooms.

I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe.

Meanwhile on Fenris:

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HES GONE! GET DOWN TO THE VAULTS AND LOOK FOR HIM, HE CANT HAVE GONE FAR!

I enjoy being around to enjoy a meme before it gets old and boring.

Bravo, OP. I laughed. not the internet lol where in real life you just smirk, I actually laughed out loud.

>>13697246
>mfw when Lukas is blamed and it leads to his imprisonment which in turn leads to Ragnarok on Fenris

>>13697246

"I swear, he was asleep the last time I checked! Besides, the poor guy is half-senile anyways, so he can't have gone far!"

>>13697267

>My face when no one believes Lukas's protestations of his innocence, mainly because he already stole Bjorn and hid him in a tribal village on the far side of the planet last week.

>My face when I realize I don't actually have a "My face" reaction image. Have a pic of a Ultramarine fighting a IRL megarchnid instead.

rolled 1 = 1

See filename.

>>13697246
This is not going to look good when Logan goes up for Reelection.

>>13697312


What the hell.... And Lukas fucking stole the artifacts of our revered Primarch too while he was at it!

Meanwhile on the Litany of Fury:

LOL HEY GUYS, CHECK OUT THIS COOL SPEAR I FOUND!

>>13696973
Fucking sagefag, you just can't leave anything alone, can you?
This is OC. Glorious, brand-spanking new OC, still practically shaking off the placenta for god's sake.
Fucking lurk moar and shut up.

>>13697342
No worries, not even Russ wanted that fucking thing.

Can you imagine what happens when the Bloody Magpies and their new bro Bjorn actually meet the Space Wolves again?

"Venerable Brother Bjorn! It is me, Ragnar Blackmane, your battle brother and fellow scion of Russ! We have searched the Segmentum for you, but now I understand that these treasonous bastards must have stolen you...

"Now now Wolf Lord, mind your language and stay your insults. We both know that your Chapter graciously gave Brother Bjorn to the Blood Ravens the last time we met."

"Lies, filthy heretic lies from a thief and a defiler of ancient pacts! I know full well that your beloved Blood Ravens have far too many precious relics from over a dozen renowned and illustrous Chapters in its armoury under the guise of "gifts". Your words will not sway me, Captain Tarkus! Draw steel for I will defend the honour of the Space Wolves in.."

"SILENCE YOUNG ONES! ARE YOU SO FAR GONE IN YOUR SAVAGERY, BLACKMANE? DO YOU NOT REMEMBER? PERHAPS I NEED TO REPEAT THE STORY... soft grumbling "just like those endless fairy tales about Russ" ...OF THE OATHS OF FRIENDSHIP THE WOLVES OF FENRIS SWORE WITH THE BLOOD RAVEN? BECAUSE I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER BEING THERE AND PROTESTING AGAINST ABANDONING THE CHAPTER I SERVED FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS! BUT NO, GRIMNAR INSISTED, TO SEAL THE OATHS OF BROTHERHOOD I WAS TO TRANSFER TO THE BLOOD RAVEN AND SERVE THEIR CHAPTER WITH THE SAME DEDICATION AND FEVOUR AS I DID THE WOLVES...
SO HERE I STAND, IN THE COLOURS AND LIVERY OF THE BLOOD RAVENS, THE CHAPTER I VOWED TO SERVE FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS MORE!"

"Oh, well, if you say so Venerable Brother Bjorn... But just for old times sake, could you tell me about Russ aga... Why is your powerfist powering up Bjorn? Wait, wait, waaaaiiit!!!"

>>13697342

"This spear was gifted to our chapter by the great Leman Russ himself, when he threw it in the general direction of someone we once knew, kinda. Anyway, it's ours now."

>>13697356

I love how in one of the novels they reveal that the artifact that the wolves have been chasing after for most of the series was pretty much hated by Russ, and ended up having to be retrieved by his personal guard over and over again because Russ would get totally tanked at feasts and then be all "HEY GUYS, WATCH HOW FAR I CAN THROW THIS PIECE OF SHIT!"

rolled 1, 3, 3, 5 = 12

Someone needs to archive this thread or put the story up on 1d4chan.

>>13697399
Russ is so gloriously out of character for the Space Marines. I want more fluff about his antics.

>>13697386
I was thinking more that eventually the Space Wolves start receiving postcards from Bjorn where he's all acting like he's just going on an extended vacation with his best buddies the Blood Ravens. They have pictures of Bjorn and Thule stomping orks next to each other captioned "THANK FUCK YOU'RE NOT HERE".

So the Blood Ravens can run all the best units from all the codices, it seems.

>>13697444
yeah, you go ahead and just trips that at your flgs, see what happens.

>>13697429
Nah, man, he should only be referenced by other characters like Bjorn. What we need is more fluff about Lukas, the Ultimate Bro.

So I'm guessing the Blood Raven 1st company is composed of like 100 terminators, the two librarian squads, and like 300 stolen dreadnaughts.

In my head, every single one of Bjorn's lines are being screamed by Brian Blessed. It is a good pain.

>>13697483
Several of those terminators have been taken in by a particularly elaborate deception and actually believe they've just been serving an unusually long time in the Death Watch, and look forward to returning to their parent chapters soon.

Archived
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13696742/
Hope I did it justice.

>>13696742

His confusion and then joy in the beginning that he doesn't have to tell any more fucking sotries just cracks me up every time

>>13697483

Why do you think dreads are so rare? Mars is pumping them out constantly but the shipments keep disappearing. They've resorted to lying to the rest of the imperium about why there are barely any left.

I wonder if they ever steal from other races.

>>13697548
What makes you think they haven't already?

>>13697553
inb4 Eldar Craftworld gets stolen.

>>13697496

"Ahh Brother Tu'sun, how fare you?"

"I am well Brother Scipo, how are you?"

"I too am well, I am looking forwards to my impending release from the Deathwatch, and my return to the Fortress of Hera. It has been nearly two hundred years since I last saw her walls, it will be good to be back."

"Look, Brother Captain Angelos approaches."

"A moment please, Brother Scipo. The Blood R... I mean... Deathwatch has further needs of your services, I am afraid we shall have to retain you for another few decades."

>>13697548
Stolen Looted Vehicles.
Stolen Eldar Craftworld.
Stolen Soul Cage.
Stolen Ethereal.

>>13697576
>stolen looted vehicles

No wonder in DoW Angelos says he can respect the orks

>>13697557
Whoops, no more fun guys, sagefag wants us to stop liking what he doesn't like. In other words, he hates OC.

>>13697548
If they ever get that codex that was rumoured. . .

"If in the assault phase a blood raven character slays an opposing independent character, he make take one weapon from that character to be used for the rest of the battle. This special rule may be used once per battle, and never against tyranids or necrons."

>>13697593
>inb4 Bloody Magpies steal sage

>>13697576
Commissar! That Blood Raven Predator look strangly like one of our stolen Leman Russ.

I like the idea that the magpies are like the mafia of the 40k universe. Taking what they want and extorting the hell out of the rest.

"Nice craftworld you've got here. Real shame if someone were to burn it down. I think we can help protect against that, in exchange for some gifts."

>>13697602
Wonder where /int/ and /r9k/ have gone?

Blood Raven stole them.

>>13697593
sorry to give the wrong impression. Was sagefagging to makeit clear i wasn't being serious.
I love the Bloody Magpies fluff, but come on, An Eldar Craftworld?
Thet's a bit much.

>>13697557
Better than 3 marines destroying a craftworld.

Complain elsewhere, nofunallowedfag, elegan/tg/entlemen are speaking

>>13697619
GODEMPRAH DAMNIT!! FUCKING MAGPIES!!!

Logan Grimnar waited outside the Vault of the Ancients, his personal Wolf Guard by his side. The rest of the chapter was currently involved in tearing apart the Vault searching for Ancient Bjorn, who had gone missing some hours before. Though projecting a mask of calm, inside he was reflecting upon this dark fate that had befallen his chapter. The theft of a venerable Dreadnaught would be a dark blow to any chapter, let alone one as ancient and wise as Bjorn the Fell Handed. Suddenly he heard the ringing sound of power armored boots slapping against ancient stone tiles, and turned to see Ragnar Blackmane running towards him. "Ahh Wolf Lord Ragnar, I trust Bjorn has been found safely?" "I am afraid not, Great Wolf, but we have located this", Ragnar paused a moment before handing a small paper note to his liege. Opening it, Grimnar quickly scanned the single line of text present on the note, "Dear Space Wolves, Thank you for your generous gift. Love, Blood Ravens." Grimnar stared at the note a moment, "Call off the search parties Wolf Lord. I am afraid that Bjorn has now forever passed beyond our reach. Truely this is a dark day for the sons of Russ." he sadly replied.

>>13697632

No more ridiculous than creed being able to hide a titan behind a bush.

People like taking ideas to silly extremes, like the looted emperor. Just run with it and have fun, it's not like we're writing a new edition.

In Soul Storm. Boreale actually won but it's called a failure because he fail to recover anything since the Iron Rain destroyed everything.

>>13697600
>and never against tyranids or necrons
What? You think that the Blood Magpies wouldn't steal from either of them?

"Battle Brothers! Take a look at this fine powersword that the Raven Guard awarded to me in honor of our struggle against the Tyranids!"
"... Brother Furtum, that's a Lictor talon..."

Avitus wandered through the armory, once again, searching for the perfect load-out for his next deployment. He had gone with his stardard heavy bolter, an assault cannon, teleporters, missile launchers, and even powerfists, yet he could never find a way to best the Force Commander in kills. He would simply wade into a sea of Orks and come out the other side when the ground ran red with the xenos' blood.

He needed something with enough punch to best his commander, to prove his worth and power. As he pondered, scratching his mechanical jaw, he found himself wandering into the darker sections of the armory. Here was much of the wargear that seldom saw combat.

Then he saw it. It was a massive yellow cannon, fit to be mounted on the front of a BaneBlade, yet it had handles as though it was meant to be fired from the shoulder. As Avitus approached, the sheer size of it became more apparent. He could easily fit inside the barrel thrice over!

"Hey fuckface!"

Avitus started. He turned around swiftly to confront the slanderous heathen that had followed him to this part of the armory.

"Would you look at this cunt? Smart as a rock."
"I don't fucking care how smart he is. I care if he actually fucking GETS ME THE WARP DOWN!"

Avitus turned back to the massive weapon. The ammo was insulting him. The dim lights flickered brighter for a moment, revealing the writing on the side of the barrel. 'ANGRY MARINE LAUNCHER MK II'

The next engagement, Avitus doubled the commander's kills.

Inb4 stolen anything Necron

So apparently we're part of something called a "Chapter" now? I'm not so sure about this whole "Blood Ravens" Gig. Also I think that one of these Mon'keigh stole the keys to my jetbike earlier.

>>13697718
Makes me wonder what happened to the AML MK I

>>13697749

The AML MK1 jammed often which in turn means it has a higher user-fatality rate than any plasma weapon in the entire galaxy

>>13697749
Inaccurate, which made the marines angrier but they ended up too faraway from battle to take advantage of their anger.

>>13697739
Someone needs to convert a BR marine to be riding a jetbike STAT!

>>13697778
After careful review, it was agreed on that a plasma based firing mechanism was not the best idea for launching angry men in power armour.

>>13697797
better yet, riding the dark angels Jetbike

rolled 26 = 26

>>13697778
CAN'T EVEN SHOOT AN EMPEROR-FORSAKEN GUN WITHOUT FUCKING SOMETHING UP C'MERE YOU SONNOFA WYTCH

>>13697739
WELL DESE BLOOD GITS SEEM TAH GIV PRETTY GOOD LOOT, SO OI DON'T MIND TOO MUCH!

>>13697834
Great, now we're all fucked

>>13697834
inb4 bllod raven Gargant

>>13697716
>>13697600

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Blood_Ravens

"The Second Company, along with small elements from the other companies, engaged the Necrons army in a legendary battle beneath the Thur'Abis Plateau on Kronus. They emerged victorious after Captain Davian Thule successfully planted a bomb deep within the Necron catacombs, which detonated and collapsed the caverns on top of the still waking Necrons. In reference to this great victory, the Second Company later added the Necron skull to their heraldry"

Yeah at first you think, "oh they're just being heretics by copying the design" and then you realize they're actual necron skulls. So proficient they are that they broke the phase out devices of necrons, even now the heraldry of the second company whispers "set us free"

>>13697834
Deys' real fast, boss and good for gettin us to da foightan, bein red an' all.

>>13697739
>>13697834
Now do Tau, Dark Eldar, Tyranid and Necron.

rolled 63 = 63

I'm wondering how they'd get away with CSM gear...

>>13697881
dammit I keep forgetting to take that dice out.

>>13697868
Hiss hiss blarg.
I think my Nid is pretty good.

>>13697881
That's the only thing they can't loot....

Doesn't stop 'em from trying.

>>13697868
"Shas'O, why does our ethereal look likea gue'la in red armor?"

Blood Ravens: Space Marines or Rogue Traders, with emphasis on rogue?

>>13697911
They're Trade Marines: Rogues in Space

>>13697911
They're Rouge Trader Marines

>>13697868

Brother Tau, according to me, the greater good demands that you join the Blood Ravens and fight alongside us as Battle Brothers. Umm... For the Greater Good and all that crap! As the Etherals will, so shall it be done.

>>13697911
Rogue Space Marine Traders
and you really cant represent them properly without using apocalypse, except maybe useing them as CSM? and using counts as for a but ton of stuff

>>13697931
-hey're -ogue -rader -arines

The hell? I swear I typed those capitols in! Anyone seen my... Bloody Magpies.

>>13697931
>Rouge

notsureifintentional.jpg

>>13697911
Blood Ravens: The Emperors Gypsies

Someone totally needs to do an order of battle on the Blood Ravens Ala that Ultramarine one thats floating around, with just how much of their troops and stuff is "Gifts" noted on it.

>>13697973
Romani Astartes

>>13697931

>>13697896
"Brothers! We have bested the traitors from the Thousand Sons, not even the heretic sorcerer Ahriman could stay our wrath! Now what have we gained from this battle?"

"I found this funny collection of book, sir!"

"Books? Filled with foul witchcraft and heretical rituals no doubt!"

"Actually, there's a library name stamped on the title pages. It reads; 'Black Library - Impossibly Well Hidden Area In The Webway - Available for consultation only' but I'm sure they'll let us borrow it for a while."

(My fist WF, holy shit this is gonna suck)
Force Commander Vanillia Ice was preening his gorgeous hair, when Captain Tarkus broke into the room.

"Commander, the Emperor has granted us a boon, the tech-priests from Cadia have gifted us with a Titan."

"...."

"Of couse commander, right this way.

"..."

After showing his fellow battle-brothers the glroious warmachine, painted in Blood Raven crimsion, Thaddius, the eternal newbie questioned.

"But Tarkus, how could Cadia afford to send us a Titan during such dire straits?"
----------------------

(Meanwhile on Cadia)

"AT LAST, AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'VE WON, IT'S TIME TO CONQUER CADIA! YOUR CLEVEL TRICKS WON'T SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS WORLD THIS TIME, CREED!"

Chomping on his cigar, and grinning like a motherfucker, Lord Ursakar E. Creed; Lord Castellan of Cadia merely smirked and ordered his hidden Titan to attack.

And nothing happened.

After checking what was wrong, his cigar fell out of his mouth, as his mouth dropped in shock, screaming;

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'GONE'!", as he glanced around looking for something to snatch victory out of the jaw of defeat, he spotted a piece of letter next to him on the ground. Bending down to read it, his face purpled with rage at the offending text.

'IOU 1 TITAN

~Tarkus'

"GODDAMMIT YOU FUCKING BLOODY MAGPIES!"

This is a glorious thread. Everyone who has contributed should feel exceptionally good about themselves as fine, upstanding examples of human beings. You make me proud, /tg/.

>>13698116
Creed would have anticipated this eventuality and had a backup.

>>13697881

"Brother Artus, your bolter is..... acting strange."
"It's awesome, isn't it? I picked it up off of that Black Legion guy we killed back there."
"Brother Artus, your bolter just grew a mouth and ate that furry animal that was just there a second ago."
"I think it's an extra feature or something."

>>13698185

Your backup has been misplaced, apparently it was lodged in the Nightbringer's anus.

>>13698185
Special ability is Tatical Genius, ain't got shit to do with logistics.

>>13698185
And that back-up would have eventually been looted as well.

>>13698185
>implying anything not bolted to the ground with adimantium and protected by several watch towers and turrets would not have been lifeted tby the magpies.

I'm now imagining a mek boy, having just looted a nice shiny baneblade, and given it a lick of red paint to make it go faster, fixing some gubbins inside, when he hears the engines start up. He looks outside and the tank is flanked by blood ravens in metal boxes. Then he looks down and realises his armours been painted in Blood raven colours too. Then he just shrugs and rolls with it, maybe offering to paint Force Commander Vanilla Ice's face blue

Brother Artus's bolter is blessed by the Holy Emperor in Terra, he has given him a new way to slay the heretic of man! Bring me more of this so i shall examine them.

THIS THREAD
<-----

>>13698218


Gee, thanks Chapter Master!

Wait, didn't Captain Angelos say you were a.... oh, Throne damn it, what's the word? Hair attic?

>>13698216
oh gods, a big mek working for the blood ravens.
what has science done.....

>>13698241

Captain Angelos is merely confused my brother, he's... He's jealous of your deeds, of Captain Diomede's deeds, he as gifted as he was was never able to obtain the gifts of the Emperor, where we on the first company... Our deeds are tales of legend battle brother, we've been gifted with many many relics, including the arms of warmaster Abadd- I mean, the gauntlets of Ultramar.

Brother Angelos hasn't received a single gift, i fear for his soul and sanity.

>>13698218

Well, let me see, I found this heavy bolter that starts chanting something every time I shoot it, a chainsword that screams "MUD FOR THE MUD GOD!" when I rev it, and this flamer that launches the promethium in a funny green color.

>>13698270
>the arms of Warmaster Abadd-

So we FINALLY know what happened. It wasn't the Unyuufex hugging them off, it wasn't Creed's tactical genius, it was those Bloody Magpies. Well Throne damn it all.

>>13698274

Yes.... Yeeeees... Good, gooooooood.

I shall just inspect this items yes, just leave them in the table, i'll make sure they're fit and ready to be used in battle yesss, i'm part Techmarine brother yes, yesss i'll return this to you in... Uh... When it's done yes.

>>13698289

Well why else would Abaddon want to kill the blood magpies? Why else would Kyras keep running away from him?

>>13698298

Hey, wait a minute, I know how this works! Nice try Chapter Master, but I'm keeping my loot!

>>13698116

>ITT: We realize that everything that is wrong with the 40k universe is ultimately due to the Bloody Magpies stealing something, somewhere, sometime.

>>13698312

Is that so Brother Artus? You are still too young, this is merely a formality yes. You left your loot in the table... 35 minutes ago.

>>13698323
So when the Primarchs were scatered acroos the cosmos, it wasn't the Chaos Gods, or time travelling word bearers that were responsible after all.... Mein Gott!

>>13698332

Oh, fine, but I'm going to want that heavy bolter back. My regular one just ate another servo-skull.

rolled 10 = 10

>>13698347
>Magpipes stole something before any space marines existed

What is this I don't even....

>>13698323
>MFW the Bloody Magpies have been unintentionally serving Malal the whole time.
>MFW I have no face.

>tme ipQuaso
WTF MY CAPTCHA IS SPEAKING THE TOUNGES!

>>13698361

Good Lord, they've stolen the the flow of time and space itself!

>>13698361
they stole the records of when they were founded

>implying i didn't create the magpies

>>13698361

Don't worry, they just stole a necron lord's chronometron device.

>>13698399
>>13698405
>implying they aren't HERETICS guilty of HERESY

>>13698428

You can't be heretics when you secretly own the Inquisition.

>>13698428

That's the word! Hey, Chapter Master, being a heretic is bad, right?

>>13698459
only if they catch you

>>13698405
THAT MON-KEIGH WITH THE POOFSTER HAIRDO STOLE MY CLOAK! AND MY TIMEKEEPER! AND MY SCYTHE

>>13698483
AND MY HEAD

>>13698483

Hey, why do you think Brother Vaniluh Aice got promoted?

>>13698491
And my axe!

>>13698498
the frost blade he was "gifted" does fit that ice ice baby battle prayer he sings

>>13698542
I lol'd

>>13698550

What's really funny is that he acts like he's a tough "gangsta" from Meridian, when really he was just a hick from Calderis like most of us.

Arbites: 6 shotguns (Somewhere, a Judge is looking at an empty armory, and crying.)
SoB: 3 flamers, 1 bolter (I guess the sisters don't really know what else to give as a "gift" to someone)
Ultramarines: 1 bolter, 1 sniper rifle
Imperial Fists: 2 Thunder Hammers, 1 Bolt Pistol
Space Wolves: 4 Power Axes
Blood Angels: 1 Flamer, 1 Bolt Pistol, 1 Chain Sword
Dark Angels: 1 Sniper Rifle, 1 Assault Cannon, 1 Heavy Bolter, 2 Power Fists, 1 Plasma Pistol
Flesh Tearers: 1 Chainsword
Salamanders: 1 Missile Launcher, 1 Hvy Flamer, 1 Bolter, 1 Plasma Cannon
Black Templar: 1 Power Fist
Crimson Fists: 2 Power Fists
White Scars: 1 Power Axe
Ad Mech: 1 Plasma Cannon, 1 Power Sword, 1 Power Fist, 1 Missile Launcher
Deathwatch: 1 Heavy Bolter, 1 Plasma Pistol, 1 Chainsword
Inquisition: 1 Bolt Pistol, 1 Plasma Cannon
Custodes!: 1 Heavy Flamer (Jesus Christ)
Ordo Xenos: 1 Carapace set
Black Templar: 1 Suit of PA
Ultramarines: 1 Carapace Set
Imperial Guard: 1 Carapace Set
Blood Angels: 1 suit of PA
Dark Angels: 1 Suit of PA
Ad Mech: 1 Suit of PA
Space Wolves: 2 Suits of PA
Salamanders: 1 Suit of PA
Imperial Fists: 1 Suit of PA

Commander Accessories:

Iron Halos:

Ad Mech: x1
Lamenters: x1
Blood Angels: x2

Jump Packs:

Raven Guard: x1
Sisters of Battle: x1

>>13698498
because kyras and him are in cohoots with heresy

I'll take that warscyt- I mean power axe for the chapter. By which I mean me. And my poofster hairdo.

rolled 4 = 4

>>13698270
>Implying Toth's hammer ever got returned.

>>13698571
That's loot from Dawn of War II, if anyone couldn't tell. And yeah, AN ADPETUS CUSTODES TERMINATOR HEAVY FLAMER WHAT THE FUCK

Useful for clearing buildings, though

rolled 4 = 4

>>13698571
Custodes also gave one power armor.

And someone smoothtalked a Vindicare into telling them the secrets of building Exitus rifles, so they could mix Exitus tech with their chapter-produced scout snipers.

Turns out the Blood Ravens have better gear not because they loot it off from other chapters/races, but because they stole the Squats and have them making wargear all day erryday

"Commander Horus! It seems your armor has been... err. misplaced? Commander, you shouldn't take part of the upcoming battle, I fear for your safety." Horus frowned, but then thought "This is but a feral world, what have I to fear even without armor?"

A full galaxy away, Magnus the Red admired his new armor. He praised his brother Horus for being a generous man.

>>13698615
Scouts with Exitus Rifles?

ohlawd.jpg

>>13698571
I am unsure as to if that list includes stuff from Chaos Rising, its taken from http://dow2.info/Main_Page, and when I wrote it up for the original bloody magpie threads, some anons were claiming I was missing stuff.

>>13698632
It might be missing stuff, I just saved what some anon (I guess you) posted

>throttles, aussum

So THAT'S how the Magpies do it. And throttling fellow Space Marines is NOT awesome, Captcha

>>13698627
Oh god why did I laugh so hard

>>13698601

I could have sworn that it also had a thunderhammer that the Black Templars chapter master wielded during the assault on Terra during the reign of Vandire. Basically something they would NEVER give up.

>Black Templar: 1 Power Fist
I thought they also gifted a Thunder Hammer. A thunder Hammer they would never, ever gift, to boot.

>>13698626
I love you so much for that

>smobi partition
must be where they hid them

>>13698661
>>13698655
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right. But hey, it's not like the Black Templars are big on close combat and abhor Psykers or anything, they would totally gift their sacred Warhammer to a Pskyer-heavy Chapter with a shady history.

>>13698627
Bahld Revans kleptomania caused the Horus Heresy?

Well, fuck

>>13698571

Also keep in mind thats just the wargear gathered by 4 squads and the Captain of a battle company. The Chapter Armory must be enormous.

>>13698626
This. A thousand times this. Ten out of fucking ten, you magnificent bastard.
Now we know why the Squats really disappeared...

They stole Isha from Nurgle and have her working as a nurse in the apothecary.

Inquisitor Hartmann was in a poor mood. The ordering of an Exterminatus on a planet was never a thing to be taken lightly, and it pained him to order the deaths of so many of the Emperor's fine servants. Still, the planet was undeniably tainted, and the sacrifice of the few for the many was necessary.

"Captain, release the virus bombs." The ship's captain ordered the launch sequence commenced, and after an almost interminable wait, the final order was given. A venerable techpriest maneuvered over to the activation rune and ceremoniously depressed it on the console.

The ship rocked as the mighty batteries fired their fateful ordnance. The projectiles shot out of the ship, rocketing towards their target below.

"Throne on Terra!" The Inquisitor was baffled. Where there should have been projectiles, there appeared to be a cloud of confetti.

"Zoom in on the debris, Captain." On the bridge's view screen, the leaflets slowly came into view. Written on each was a tiny message:

THANKS FOR THE BOMBS!

-- ANGELOS

>>13698751

>>13698751

During a single deployment nonetheless.

>Evoil You

This needs to be archived.

>>13698896
this >>13697513

Bump

It all makes sense now...

Could it be that this is the Blood Raven's primarch?

This just got draw'fagged in another thread.

Archive this shit, this is now /tg/ canon.

>waympold truth

Even captcha recognises this as way old truth