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  • File : 1297261255.gif-(86 KB, 596x372, 1271788972276.gif)
    86 KB Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:20 No.13837681  
    Sometimes elven hearing can be a raw deal.

    Your average inn for adventurers isn't exactly big on the sound-proofing spells and so on.

    Now, sometimes that's handy for eavesdropping, but when you get down to it; who wants to hear *everything* from the surrounding rooms? Do you really need to know down to every last bed-creak that the bard is at it again?

    Do you really want to hear the barbarian snoring while you're trying to memorise spells?

    Do you really want to hear other people talking about distracting stuff while you're... polishing the family sword, or prestidigitating the box of wonder?

    And the bugs! Every wing-beat. Every mosquito whine. They're in your room, and you know it.

    You get a headache in big cities. They're just so noisy. Hell, you once shot a squirrel because the little bastard wouldn't stop chittering and you had a hangover.

    And that's even without taking into account the eyes. What you've seen, you won't forget. Your companions call you finicky for all the cleaning, but you can see the dirt on everything and they can't.

    Better senses? Not always so good, actually.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:33 No.13837766
    As inspired by current character getting to listen at wall for info, and my subsequent realisation of downsides.

    So... special RPG racial perks, downsides thereof as you think them or play them?
    Further speculations on what drives elves nuts due to their enhanced senses?
    >> !!k1u7swmD0lH 02/09/11(Wed)09:36 No.13837778
    Sometimes druidic shapeshifting can be a raw deal.

    Your average adventurers aren't exactly keen on the whole concept of hygiene and so on.

    Now, sometimes that's handy for tracking and hunting, but when you get down to it; who wants to transform into animals with keener noses to smell *everything* from the surrounding party members? Do you really need to know by smelling every last bead of "sweat" that the bard was at it again?

    Do you really want to suffer through the stench of the barbarian's disgusting loincloth while you're trying to subtly tail criminals?

    Do you really want to sniff all kinds of ghastly odors the party makes while you're... scouting unfamiliar territory, or just trying to blend into the scenery?

    And the fumes! Every pungent stench. They make your eyes water. They get stuck in your throat, and you can taste it.

    You get nauseated in big cities. They're just so disgusting. Hell, you see people dumping their wastes into the streets while you're trying to walk down them, and you can't stop vomiting once you get to the inn.

    And that's even without taking into account the other senses. What you've smelt, you start to taste. Your companions call you finicky for washing and being hygienic, but you can smell the filth on everything and they can't.

    Better senses? Not always so good, actually.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:37 No.13837780
         File1297262226.jpg-(320 KB, 786x900, 302516325c1b4c4a5e30b3e408ee38(...).jpg)
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    But I'm nothing as far as perceptiveness goes when that three-eyes lives deeper underground in the Palace.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:37 No.13837781
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    >>13837766
    HELMETS. GETTING SQUASHED EARS SUCKS, MAN.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:37 No.13837785
    A Dwarf needs alcohol for his metabolism to work properly. One unit (preferably a keg of ale, though a small flask of pure schnapps will work as well) per day is sufficient, while at least two are needed for optimal performance. More than one week with no alcohol? Death from malnutrition as stomach refuses to digest properly and skin slowly starts peeling away.

    This becomes fun when the party decides to go exploring and we almost always end up lost and my dwarf artificer is down to gathering plants and distilling them.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:39 No.13837790
         File1297262393.jpg-(116 KB, 850x637, parseechristmas.jpg)
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    >prestidigitating the box of wonder?

    ... that's a new one. Taking notes.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:46 No.13837828
    >>13837780
    oh god

    >too cute

    >distracted from all other purposes by D'AWW
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:47 No.13837832
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    This all makes perfect sense in the "tree-dwelling forest people"-context of elves. And the "talented mages" context too, I guess, since silence spells would be their only bid for privacy.

    Although the forest dwelling bit - anyone remember the first time they spent a night alone in a dark forest? And I don't mean central park, but "20 miles from the nearest road"-kind of forest.

    Remember how you couldn't see absolutely anything, unlike in the "darkness" we get used to in cities?

    Remember those constant snaps, cracks, creaks, hoots, rustles, and other noises?

    Remember how you nearly shat a kidneystone every time you heard one?

    A city elf in a deep forest would be the most traumatized person ever.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:52 No.13837869
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    >>13837785
    Note, alcohol withdrawals are a special case in that they cause convulsions that are potentially lethal.

    And of course, if you go cold turkey after a long binge, you'll actually wind up feeling far worse than from the after-effects of said binge.

    I wish I didn't know that, really.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:54 No.13837876
    >>13837832
    Reminds me of the bit in one novel with a drow raid - sure they could see just fine in the forest at night, but every little noise had them freaking the fuck out. Hearing an owl scared the hell out of them.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:54 No.13837878
    >>13837832
    Dragon Age just got grimdark.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:57 No.13837903
         File1297263454.jpg-(183 KB, 365x365, d9c9486a8d0b7e4767d611540f0c75(...).jpg)
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    Parsee's a bridge-troll, man. She can't hear for shit.

    she can fucking seethe like a motherfucker, though.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)09:57 No.13837904
         File1297263472.jpg-(166 KB, 850x1004, parseecatdance.jpg)
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    ... I'm running out of excuses to post more Parsee. So I'll do it anyway. Just this once.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:02 No.13837932
         File1297263745.jpg-(281 KB, 917x741, Untitled.jpg)
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    >>13837681
    >+2 racial bonus on Listen checks
    pic related
    >Sometimes elven hearing can be a raw deal.
    NOPE.avi
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:04 No.13837939
    >>13837766
    Huh, this exact thing happened in the last game I was in.
    Gnome chick listens at the door. Rough sex on the other end.
    I loled
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:06 No.13837956
    >>13837903
    What's she from?

    >must investigate
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:07 No.13837967
         File1297264050.jpg-(141 KB, 608x667, ayaears.jpg)
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    Sometimes having pointy ears is a good thing.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:08 No.13837972
         File1297264108.jpg-(265 KB, 909x667, ayaears2.jpg)
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    >>13837967
    And sometimes it's a great thing.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:08 No.13837976
    >>13837878
    >just got grimdark
    >got

    ...though yeah, it'd be another point separating the two elven kinds in it.
    >> G. D. !!k1u7swmD0lH 02/09/11(Wed)10:10 No.13837986
    >>13837956
    That's Parsee Mizuhashi, a bridge troll from Touhou.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:26 No.13838086
    >>13837876

    Salvatore's Homeland I believe.

    Yeah, I think I'm happy with my dull human senses.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:32 No.13838129
    >>13837967
    Rather a lot of representations seem to have pointed ears be extra sensitive.

    They seem to become bait for playing with or nibbling on.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:35 No.13838146
    >>13837972
    >You are going to die.jpg
    >> Naggarothian !!0S4L3hs2lkr 02/09/11(Wed)10:35 No.13838147
    >>13837681
    >herpderp I'm an elf and the rest of the world isn't good enough for me
    Typical elf.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:39 No.13838170
         File1297265981.jpg-(1.08 MB, 962x2496, eargasm.jpg)
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    >>13838129
    It's not that surprising. Ear cleaning for instance, feels amazingly good, regardless of the method used. The ears are just that sensitive.

    also fetishization of unique features
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:43 No.13838191
         File1297266209.png-(24 KB, 400x400, OHGODMYEEEEEEEEEYE.png)
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    Which race gets bonuses to spot.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:43 No.13838192
    >>13838129
    http://1d4chan.org/images/0/08/Xenology-Eldar_Notes_Excerpt.png
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:56 No.13838292
         File1297266989.gif-(1.68 MB, 320x180, 1271788766279.gif)
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    >>13838129
    Quite possibly worse for tails: less useful, more likely to be pulled or even stepped on if long, cause severe difficulties with chairs...
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)10:58 No.13838305
         File1297267085.jpg-(38 KB, 800x438, ohgodwhat.jpg)
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    >>13838191
    ... damnit, Shimako, you cannot into contact lenses!
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:02 No.13838352
    >>13838192
    Thanks a lot Xenology, I could have lived without knowing that.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:08 No.13838394
    >>13838170
    I believe some weird D&D stuff once had elves with really sensitive hands.

    'cuz what any world reeeeally needs are elven ambassadors who smirk after they 'concede to your human custom' and get you to shake hands with them.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:20 No.13838465
    I have a feeling people simply assume that Elven ears are erogenous simply because that's their most distinguishing feature among the innumerable variations on "elf"
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:20 No.13838470
    >>13838394

    Captain Thurel of the North Keep sighed. As if it wasn't bad enough to be stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, he'd discovered their nearest neighbour.

    Elves. An entire city of elves.

    /Where do they keep these damn lost cities?/ he wondered. /Do they have the bloody things in storage so they can put them up anywhere inconvenient for us and claim they were here first?/

    Captain Thurel, it must be said, was a cynic, and a born pessimist, which was why he'd greeted the latest tidings with an air of resignation.

    A group of elven diplomats had arrived at the Keep, awaiting suitable negotiators - who would take a while to arrive, given how long it took to pry pampered bureaucrats away from the comforts of the cities in the heartlands.

    As a result, until then they'd be Thurel's concern. /Oh, joy./
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:21 No.13838474
    >>13837681

    For the longest time I wondered why that elf cleric in our adventuring party always seemed to be irritated with me. Turns out, she could actually hear me when I was composing raunchy sapphic love songs about her under my breath.

    It also explains that death stare she gave me when I invited her to sleep in my bedroll after hers got lost in the river. Joke's on her, though, 'cause she caught a cold sleeping on the ground.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:22 No.13838485
    >>13838474
    Clerics get cure disease pretty early iirc...
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:26 No.13838512
    Simple solutions- your character is 20th level non-caster, or simply doesn't have silence, wear ear plugs depending on variant it can be from -5 to -10.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:29 No.13838524
    >>13838470
    The head of the elven delegation had been... memorable.

    "You rule this place?" the silver-haired, slender... male? Maybe? asked, in a strange accent, seeming to linger caressingly over every vowel.

    "I run it," Thurel replied flatly. "Ruling it's for people that don't work for a living. I'm told we haven't had a border lord here in forty years."

    "I see." The elf, damn him(?), seemed to be smirking - but then, in Thurel's experience they all looked like that, whether they were actually smirking or not. "I am Ambassador Telethinarian Celorial, of Hanallethirya City."

    "..." Thurel barely managed to restrain a query as to whether elves had a syllable fetish or something, upon hearing the improbable name. "Welcome, Ambassador," he said grudgingly, using the one pronounceable word in the string of them.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:29 No.13838530
    >>13838485
    Paladins are immune to disease and typically have a high charisma. The only people who suggest paladins can't have sex are morons, clergy being prevented from having sex is exclusively catholic, and that was so they could get the stuff of their clergy. So long as it's consentual and not breaking any other laws, like age, species (for the more species-ist settings), or whatnot, it's fair game.
    >> Tannu !t7WooWOOWo 02/09/11(Wed)11:29 No.13838531
    >polishing the family sword, or prestidigitating the box of wonder
    I laughed. That's fairly ingenious.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:31 No.13838539
    >>13838465
    Or wh40k made it canon for eldar and most of /tg/ plays that.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:41 No.13838628
    >>13838524
    "I believe this is your human custom?" the Ambassador enquired, holding out his hand with yet another superior look.

    "...Yes." Thurel reached out to shake his hand, despite wanting nothing more than to smack him in the face instead.

    The elf's skin was very smooth. How could he defend himself, with no weapon calluses to indicate skill there? Thurel reminded himself that most elves seemed to have at least a little magic.

    He heard a quiet indrawn breath from the ambassador, whose grip suddenly tightened, hand quivering a little. Instinctively, Thurel tightened his own grip, just as he customarily did when others tried to challenge his strength.

    The elf drew his hand away very slowly, slipping it free through Thurel's fingers, eyes half-closed with some strange satisfaction.

    Suddenly, Thurel realised he'd never truly seen an elven smirk before; the current expression on the Ambassador's face outstripped them all, smug beyond belief.

    "If you'll excuse me, Captain," the elf said dreamily, "I will go and inspect the rooms you have so graciously granted us."

    "Fine." It wasn't until the Ambassador left that Thurel remembered a few bawdy little barracks songs and a rumour threaded through them. His face turned crimson, and he thanked the gods he'd not had any of his men with him when he met the Ambassador. "Fuck," he muttered succinctly. "I need to wash my hands." He'd scrub them. Thoroughly. And then get a very strong drink.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:44 No.13838656
    >>13838539

    Well they certainly are for humans, and given the general trend of elves to be daintier, more sensitive humans, it would stand to reason. They're also bigger.

    Perhaps elves would be a bit freaked out by that entire human thing with the females chest flaps.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:44 No.13838663
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    >>13838628
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:50 No.13838712
    >>13838628
    I don't get it, did i miss something?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:56 No.13838751
    >>13838712

    >>13838394

    >I believe some weird D&D stuff once had elves with really sensitive hands.

    >'cuz what any world reeeeally needs are elven ambassadors who smirk after they 'concede to your human custom' and get you to shake hands with them.

    Yes, sensitive that way.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)11:57 No.13838761
    >>13838751
    handjob just got literal?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)12:03 No.13838805
         File1297270984.jpg-(7 KB, 164x164, 1280143541153.jpg)
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    >>13838751

    mfw when I got it
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)12:19 No.13838915
         File1297271964.png-(43 KB, 122x165, xoanambassador1.png)
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    >>13838628
    >now picturing this as the Ambassador
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)12:50 No.13839132
    >>13838292
    One of my characters, a felinoid alien bounty hunter, had a sometimes-useful prehensile tail. But whenever she wasn't on her own ship, with its custom seats...

    Well, her fidgeting had the Mandalorian laughing at her behind his helmet.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:11 No.13839254
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    Advantages becoming weaknesses would be interesting for some of the stronger lots out there -
    cold-blooded reptilian beings getting put in cold places and being sluggish etc.

    At least with, say, drow, the strength-vs-flaw is explicit: darkvision, but blinded by sunlight.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:16 No.13839293
    >>13837681
    >>13837780
    >thread about elves
    >picture of a troll
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:18 No.13839311
    >>13837681

    >Your average inn for adventurers isn't exactly big on the sound-proofing spells and so on.

    I stopped reading here, an average inn for adventurers would be and could easily afford it. Your entire premise is flawed.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:20 No.13839324
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    >>13839311
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:23 No.13839352
    >>13839311
    Wealth by level says otherwise, unless we're talking inflated Roguelike shopkeepers.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:24 No.13839357
    >>13839313
    Yes, and?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:25 No.13839358
    >>13839311
    Read as 'your average inn for beginning adventurers,' then. Have to put up with the poorer stuff before you move on up, usually, and backwater villages aren't always so luxurious...

    Or if your disbelief requires higher-quality suspension substitute the canvas of basic tents for those nights between villages.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:38 No.13839474
    >>13839436
    Did it get your character worried at all? Or... flattered?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)13:58 No.13839648
    >>13839436
    It is good. Half of your party fantasizes about lifting your tail and taking your core temperature; that's a kind of thing you don't want to find out in the last moment.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:05 No.13839705
    >>13839654

    But homosexuals are evil. You shouldn't try to deceive people just because it is politically correct to do so.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:09 No.13839738
    >>13839654
    Nice going there. If you hadn't posted that, I don't think anyone would have even brought it up.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:09 No.13839739
    >>13837932
    Your choice of moronically limited game rules is not more important than the overarching fluff.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:26 No.13839857
    >>13838530
    Er... what did that response have to do with the quoted post? I merely stated that it didn't really matter if the Elf caught a cold, since clerics can cure their diseases from a pretty early level.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:37 No.13839944
    >>13839859
    knowledge is always superior to ignorance
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:38 No.13839948
    >>13839944
    CoC says otherwise.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:42 No.13839975
    >>13839311
    Actually, I remember exactly there being a note in one of the Volo's Guides about some inns leaving stones enchanted with a permanent silence spell between the public room and the private rooms.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:45 No.13839992
    >>13839857

    Hey man, it's all right. There's no reason to get in a big fight about it.

    Besides, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to drug that elf cleric's wine and when she passes out I'm going rub my cooch all over her face while singing Starship's romantic power ballad "Nothing's Going to Stop Us Now."

    We'll see how much she hears with my thights wrapped around her head.

    LET THE WORLD AROUND US FALL APART
    BABY WE CAN MAKE IT IF WE'RE HEART TO HEART
    AND WE CAN BUILD THIS DREAM TOGETHER
    STANDING STRONG FOREVER
    NOTHING'S GONNA STOP US NOW
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:45 No.13839993
    >>13839948
    If ignorance is bliss
    I'd rather be miserable

    or insane...
    IA IA!
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)14:51 No.13840032
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    >>13839992
    You are a sad, sad little man
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:01 No.13840111
    >>13840067
    OR I would trust my party memb-
    yeah, that's going to happen...

    still, I don't generally get under the sheets with people I don't trust. I'll bring my own blanket...

    >>13840090
    In this scenario they did want to fuck him
    troll harder
    >> Ken !TrollKenUE 02/09/11(Wed)15:01 No.13840115
    >>13840067
    If there was a party member who was planning to rape me he'd have a knife made of out of delayed fireballs up his arse before sunrise.

    I'm neutral to most sexuality matters, but if someone tries to force their sexuality matters where they aren't wanted? ... Delayed Fireball Stabass.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:05 No.13840150
    >>13840032

    What? Too much? Should I just say I'm going to do it in earshot of her, but never go through with it? That doesn't seem as fun.

    I mean, I've written her love songs, I've offered her my bed, there was that time I tied mistletoe to the front of my panties (barbarian thought that shit was awesome, by the way), I wrote "hey you have a really tight butt, signed, the bard" in her holy book. What am I supposed to do to let her know I want to hit her shit like the fist of an angry god? Put gum in her hair?

    I just don't get elves, man.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:06 No.13840166
    >>13839741
    I intend to. If the thread's still here when I wake up from sleep. That or I'll later repost, but either way, the hapless Captain's adventures shall continue.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:17 No.13840264
    >>13840186
    I'll put it together into a document to put on Scribd, I have an account there where I can put such things.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:21 No.13840298
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    I want to nibble those ears...
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:25 No.13840346
    >>13840186
    seconded

    this sounds good
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:27 No.13840355
    >>13840150
    Maybe you're focusing on the wrong half of the elf - cleric combo. She's more than just a elf.

    A lot of girls get into the church because they've got a thing for divine forces, and want to be 'touched by god' and all that. A lot of the time it's just a intense desire to do kinky things while still remaining pure, often tempered with a very submissive personalty and some daddy issues. Being an elf, she may have joined an outwardly prudish faith as a way to try and separate herself from the shame of her otherwise slutty bloodline. It doesn't change the fact that she's still an elf (and all elves got needs), but it does change the way she chooses to think about herself and her sexuality.

    If you really want to get her between your thigh, the best thing you could do is be forceful about the issue. Don't outright dominate her, just say "this is how things are going to be; you will go along with it and you will like it". Given that she's pretty fixated on the symbology of her church, you're probably going to need to take on some of those, since they are so rooted in her subconscious that she won't be able to get into it otherwise.

    The best plan of action for this would be to go to her room once you have some free time, dressed up as either a high priest of her church (or avatar of her god, or whatever else works for her specific faith). Then you firmly instruct her to immediately begin worship at you holiest of holys. Things will be amazing.

    See? Psychology is easy! You just got to get inside people's heads and learn how they think.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)15:39 No.13840453
    >>13840301
    http://www.scribd.com/Farseer_Miriel
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:03 No.13840717
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    >>13840111

    Why don't come a little closer Canteen Boy (Whatever you were)?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:04 No.13840725
    >>13840355

    Fuckin' sweet, I already have a fake beard. I'll clamp some holy symbols on my nipples for good measure.

    Can I still serenade her with some Starship, or do you think that would ruin the mood?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:06 No.13840757
    >>13840646
    that would hardly be an adventure, would it?

    seriously though...
    in my last 5 characters, only one trusted the whole group, 2 had one or two that they were weary of, 1 had mutual respect thing going with the rest and 1 was a paranoid wreck...

    my gaming group usually deserves paranoia, though.
    We LOVE fucking each other over IC.
    One guy once hired an assassin (PC) to kill an npc Nobleman, framed my nobleman character for the hire and got all the loot for himself...
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:21 No.13840863
    >>13840725
    Maybe. Can you pull it off as some kind of hymn?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:23 No.13840888
    >>13840863

    Uh, yeah. It's fuckin' Starship.

    I bet if I get some holy oils she'll let me stick things in her.

    GAWD this adverturing party just got way more awesome!
    >> Someone else. 02/09/11(Wed)16:35 No.13841005
    >>13840992
    Which one is liquid?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)16:42 No.13841069
    >>13840888
    Then there you go. You are now officially golden. Happy tribbing!
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)17:11 No.13841403
    bump for elf ears
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:05 No.13842050
    >>13841473

    You have stats to back up your claims?
    >> Someone else. 02/09/11(Wed)18:06 No.13842061
    >>13842050
    Backing up claims? On /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:07 No.13842067
    >>13842050

    Why would you ask a troll to elaborate on his trolling?
    That's directly asking to be trolled some more.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:28 No.13842291
    >>13842215
    google isn't a source fggt
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:32 No.13842325
    >>13842135
    Um. Give me a minute.

    Gay men feel arousal more intensely, and there for it require a greater volume of willpower to resist the urge to assault sexually?

    No. That doesn't work. It's just trolling
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:49 No.13842449
    >>13842374
    Are you retarded? That's not a source, just more bullshit.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:53 No.13842472
         File1297295592.jpg-(97 KB, 450x373, 1295742520125.jpg)
    97 KB
    >>13842374
    Hey, troll. Go and find another thread to fuck up. Preferably one with "gay player wat do" since you're a homophobic little shit stain.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:53 No.13842485
    >>13842374
    Seriously. As someone who as written college thesis papers, using google as a cited source is even lower than using Wikipedia. I can go on google and find 'facts' prove how Denver internal airport is the cap on an Illuminati geofront or how the hidden city of the reptile men is on the bottom of Lake Michigan. Just because some jackass with a web page says something dosen't mean it's true.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:54 No.13842488
    >>13838170
    >Ear cleaning feels good.
    No, no no no. I hate the feeling of anything going into my ears. Which sucks for me because I actually have to clean mine regularly to prevent impaction...
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)18:54 No.13842490
    >>13842374
    [citation needed]
    >> MrDakkaDakka !!bwH67Nht42Y 02/09/11(Wed)19:09 No.13842621
    >>13842500
    dohohoho retarded fuck.
    aaahh thinking sexuality is a choice.
    probably a closet homosexual as well.
    and before you ask I'm not gay, I'm bi (best of both worlds mine friend)
    but to think that I want to "convert" people to my own sexuality is really fucking stupid, I don't give a damn about a person's sexuality you should do the same, cause all this idiocy you're spouting isn't good for anybody.
    >> MrDakkaDakka !!bwH67Nht42Y 02/09/11(Wed)19:11 No.13842626
    >>13842536
    yes we do.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)19:11 No.13842629
    >>13842500
    Oh yes. I've seen them try to live their normal, happy, non-gay lives.

    The pain they live in is almost palpable. You can see the anguish in their spouse's eyes too, and the unease with which their children try to figure out why mommy and daddy aren't happy.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)19:18 No.13842688
    >>13842664
    Ahhhhhh.....I see....you're trying to convince yourself that your newfound heterosexuality is a good thing instead of the pain-wracked, ennui laden existence of someone who has been brainwashed into thinking they are something they are not.

    Good to know. I'm sorry for your pain.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)19:40 No.13842877
    >>13842673
    Its actuall less about defending the gays, and more about attacking(educating) the attacker.

    Its a shame they're a /b/tard faggot though. No argument will get through the 3 inches of skull into their woefully under-developed brain.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)20:01 No.13843096
    I just want all of you idiots to get out of the thread so we can get back to Elf ears and implications therof.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)20:07 No.13843168
    Amazonian women cut off a breast so as to shoot better with a bow. An elf might cut off or trim their ears to lessen the number of places an opponent can grab on to them.
    >> Cú Airúath Siblaid 02/09/11(Wed)22:15 No.13844572
    >>13843096

    A popular hairstyle for a noble elven woman is to have a small loop earring at the tip of each ear and tie them together behind her head with a small, fancy chain so that the hair is held down by the linked ears/chain.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)22:17 No.13844590
    >>13842758
    I think there was a study where homophobes had elevated arousal when shown gay porn. That is where it originates from.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)22:19 No.13844609
    >>13837781
    What the hell does this woman do for a living? Stand in front of shops to get them more elvish business?
    Because she's sure as hell not going out adventuring with antlers like that.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)22:24 No.13844663
    I return to find this? Ugh. Nevertheless, story will continue!
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)22:38 No.13844798
    >>13844663

    Captain Thurel was not a happy man. The elves were a nuisance, and a distraction from duty. They spent hours choosing the best foods in the Keep, disdaining anything even slightly flawed. He snorted. The look on the Ambassador's face when told one could just cut the worse bits off a piece of cheese had been akin to someone being told not to worry, they could cure their cold by eating their own offspring.

    It wasn't hard to find their chambers, either - only shiny doorknob in the Keep, thanks to all that obsessive cleaning. As he walked through the hallway, Thurel halted. The door was open, and...

    /Where the hell did they get silk hangings?/

    Well, that explained why they'd stayed in their chambers so long; they'd been redecorating.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)22:58 No.13844970
    >>13844798

    "Ahhhh, Captain..."

    Thurel's face acquired a somewhat trapped expression as the Ambassador approached. "I... didn't see you there," he muttered.

    "No? But you see me now."

    Truth be told, it would be difficult not to, given the white leather trousers and peacock blue silk shirt, open at the front almost to waist-level. "Uh... Yes."

    "Excellent!" The Ambassador was tugging him into the room. "You must see our decorations; I'm very proud of them."

    Thurel stopped in his tracks. All elves looked a bit delicate, so judging their gender could sometimes be tricky. The pair of elves sitting in the corner, however... Well. They were wearing the same gear as the Ambassador, in different colours, open just as far in front... conclusively demonstrating that yes, these two elves were women.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)23:09 No.13845122
    >>13844970

    The Ambassador negligently plucked a blue silk banner from a pile on the floor, then playfully draped it around Thurel's neck. "It matches your eyes," he noted, smiling cheerfully. "My favourite colour..."

    One of the women came over. "Could you help us? We need to get this up there."

    "What up where?"

    "This." She gestured to a longer banner, and then to a spot higher on the wall. "Go over there, please, Captain?"

    He obeyed, trying not to stare... and felt her clambering nimbly up his back to sit on his shoulders. Apparently, just standing on a chair wasn't good enough for an elf.

    When she'd finished, she slid down, but not all the way, hanging onto his back. "Carry me!" she laughed. "Like a horse!"

    /Those damn diplomats better get here soon./ He essayed a few movements, but nearly fell over as his brain processed why exactly there was a soft pressure against the back of his head. That open shirt...

    The other two elves, damn them, were just watching as he carried their companion around the room.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)23:18 No.13845222
    >>13845122

    At last, Thurel set the giggling elf down.

    "My turn!"

    "What? No!" The figure that bounded onto his back was that of the Ambassador, whose arms wrapped around him firmly.

    "Yes! Carry me!" There was glee in the imperious command.

    "But -" There was no pressure against his head, this time. Instead, there was an odd and distinctly solid feeling against his lower back... /Oh, gods./ The Ambassador, it seemed, /really/ enjoyed being carried.

    "Uh..."

    Thurel's face drained of colour. In a horrified daze, he turned toward the door, and saw one of his soldiers standing there, looking at him, seeing him like this.

    "Message for you, sir," the soldier managed to say.

    "Leave it on my desk," Thurel snapped. Something in his eyes warned the man that careless gossip would be rewarded with lots and lots of duty that involved the filthiest jobs in the Keep.

    "Yes, sir."

    The soldier left, and Thurel groaned quietly.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/09/11(Wed)23:28 No.13845309
    >>13845222

    "Awwww... our dear Captain is feeling bad," the Ambassador said as he returned to the floor. "I think he needs a group hug!"

    Thurel's objections were cut short by the third elf racing over to clamp her arms around him. It was not so much that it made him less reluctant; rather, the impact somewhat robbed him of the breath with which to speak.

    And with that, all three elves were hugging him, pinning his arms to his sides.

    /As soon as I can, I'm applying to be posted elsewhere,/ Thurel vowed silently. /Even battling orc hordes will be an improvement./

    He squirmed free - he didn't know which of them had pinched his backside as he turned away, and didn't dare find out - and hurried from the room.

    Time to get very, very drunk.
    >> Anonymous 02/09/11(Wed)23:41 No.13845472
         File1297312887.png-(98 KB, 202x219, Masoj what did I just read.png)
    98 KB
    >>13840355
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)00:11 No.13845787
    >>13845309
    poor bastard's gonna go alcoholic before too long I bet
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)00:14 No.13845814
    Actually given the shape of long animu style elf-ears Elves would have terrible hearing compared to humans.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)00:22 No.13845908
    > Better senses? Not always so good, actually.

    > implying existing creatures with far superior senses, for instance dogs, are unable to cope with The World-at-Large and are in a constant state of despair from information overload
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)01:20 No.13846620
    >>13845309

    Hangovers, Captain Thurel had decided, were a curse from the gods. He groaned quietly, head throbbing with pain, squinting against the light filtering into his bedroom.

    His efforts to drink away his problems last night had not gone according to plan.

    The first part - 'get drunk fast' - had worked just fine. Unfortunately, there was the matter of how, precisely, it had worked. Apparently elven liquor was stronger than he'd thought - supplied by the Ambassador, who had insisted upon joining him for a drink.

    At one point, he'd remembered to ask where the other elves were, but had been nonchalantly informed that they were busy washing their hair.

    "Together?" he'd asked, his intoxication turning off his mind-to-mouth filter.

    "Of course," the Ambassador had told him. "How else?"

    Now, though, that pleasant mental image was gone, and he was left to reflect upon the way the night had turned out.

    There was a weight on his out-flung arm. He didn't want to look, but had to.

    "...Fuck." The Ambassador was lying there, perfectly still, completely and utterly stark naked.

    Thurel sat up, wincing at the pain in his head, and shook the elf, intending to send him out as quickly as possible.

    The Ambassador didn't stir. His head flopped limply as the Captain shook him.

    /Oh shit./
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)01:32 No.13846786
    >>13846620

    Just when he'd thought the situation could not get any worse, there was a knock on the door. "Wait," he called, jolting into frantic motion.

    Thurel covered the Ambassador with a blanket, and dressed hastily before going to the door, opening it only a little.

    The soldier outside saluted. "Sir, the diplomats are arriving."

    Thurel managed not to flinch. "Get them settled; I'll see them as soon as I can."

    "Yes, sir."

    The Captain closed the door. /What am I going to do?/ he thought, slumping against the wall.

    Suddenly, he had a single desperate idea. He went over to the blanket-draped body, gathered the Ambassador's clothing, and began to dress him. Once done, he wrapped him back up in the blanket, and sent for a small wooden barrow.

    Fortunately, elves were fairly light-weight; unfortunately, even wrapped in a blanket, they were still very person-shaped. Trundling the laden barrow through the halls, Thurel did his best to avoid the spots he knew his men patrolled.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)01:44 No.13846932
    >>13846786

    DON'T STOP
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)01:55 No.13847057
    >>13846786

    He reached the elven chambers without being seen - that much luck, he was grateful for.

    /Get him inside, let people think he died on his own. And fix the damn creaky wheel on this barrow./

    Suddenly, he remembered how acute elven hearing was reputed to be. He halted in the doorway, as one of the female elves sat up and looked over.

    She got up and approached. "What's this?"

    "I..." Numbly, Thurel watched as the elven woman unwrapped the Ambassador. She would... She was smiling? He watched her lean down and tweak the Ambassador's ear, murmuring something to him.

    And then the Ambassador winced and opened his eyes. He stared up at the wide-eyed human, and asked vaguely, "Haven't you ever seen an elf in a hangover-cure trance before? Dead to the world for hours." He got up carefully, and then looked at the barrow and blanket. "Oh dear Lady of the Trees... you were trying to preserve my reputation! That's so cute!"

    Thurel was too stunned to fend off the enthusiastic hug that followed. It did, however, wake him up, and he peeled the elf away from him.

    "I have to go... Duties..." He turned, and it took all of his discipline to walk, not run, away.

    "Drink with me again sometime," the Ambassador called after him cheerfully.

    /Never./ Captain Thurel shuddered. The damn diplomats had been slow enough getting here; they could wait while he went back to bed. Maybe more sleep would help, since drinking certainly hadn't.
    >> Centurion 02/10/11(Thu)02:07 No.13847201
         File1297321637.jpg-(20 KB, 451x316, 1274240187993.jpg)
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    >>13847057
    MOAR
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)02:21 No.13847348
    >>13847057

    The river was cool and refreshing; enough to take Captain Thurel's mind off his recent woes.

    The diplomats had been every bit the spoiled bureacrats he'd expected; no wonder they dealt better with elves, they were just like them, only flabbier and less graceful. If he had to watch Negotiator Parnes eat even one more jar of candied fruit...

    Thurel sighed. He was alone now, at least, free from the commands of men who knew nothing about the military, free from interference by those damn elves too. Here, he could pretend to himself that he'd never seen any of them.

    There was a quiet splash. Thurel looked around, and saw who had joined him; one of the elven women, lithe body bared for a swim.

    "It is a good evening," she noted.

    "...Yes." At least she was the only one there, and it wasn't elven /women/ that seemed to cause the problems in his life...

    He watched appreciatively as she paddled about, floating on her back.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)02:28 No.13847426
    >>13847348

    He was so busy watching her that he did not at first hear the sounds of another entering the water. A hand touched his hip from behind. Thurel jumped. He turned, and saw the Ambassador.

    "What are you doing here?" He was too exasperated to be polite.

    "Swimming, of course." The Ambassador waved one hand casually. "Ignore me as you wish. There is enough river for all of us."

    Thurel sighed as the Ambassador swam away. The water didn't seem quite so relaxing now. He swam about a little more, just to seem more casual than he actually felt, then turned and waded toward the riverbank.

    ...There was something missing.

    "Where the hell are my clothes?"
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)02:44 No.13847590
    >>13847426
    Más! Más!

    Awkward Elf sex for...Well, I mean, I guess Slaanesh is pretty okay with it.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)02:50 No.13847656
    >>13847426

    There was, at first, no answer. Thurel repeated the question, louder.

    The Ambassador looked over. "Hm? Oh, I... might have put it aside for safekeeping."

    "Oh, you might have, huh?"

    "Indeed." The Ambassador sounded delighted. "Your perceptiveness does you credit."

    Thurel rolled his eyes. "And were you planning to give them back?"

    "Of course!" The elf looked piqued. "I am not a thief, and they are still your belongings."

    "So... where are they?"

    "I took them back to the Keep for you," the Ambassador said innocently.

    "...What." Thurel looked over his shoulder, swiftly realising that, though he could not be seen from there now, any of his men on the walls would see him if he made the naked, dripping trek back. "And how am I supposed to go back without them?"

    "Hm. There is that." The Ambassador looked thoughtful. "You could entice me to fetch them for you..."
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)03:02 No.13847754
    >>13847656

    "Or I could take your..." Thurel's threat tailed off as he realised how it would look if he returned wearing the elf's clothes, with the elf following along naked behind him. That was quite possibly worse than walking back naked himself.

    His shoulders slumped. "What do you want me to do?"

    The Ambassador beamed. "Dance for me! Like a little sexy dancing-girl!"

    Thurel stared at him for a long moment. "You're serious."

    "Perfectly so. We shall keep time for you." With that, the Ambassador and his female companion began to clap out a beat, eyes fixed expectantly upon Captain Thurel.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)03:17 No.13847920
    >>13847754
    Remember, Thurel, it isn't gay if it's an elf.
    Just repeat that to yourself.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)03:30 No.13848074
    bump for more
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)03:36 No.13848121
    I need to go to bed. Please post the rest.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)03:42 No.13848189
    >>13847754

    Feeling very foolish and distinctly annoyed, Thurel clambered out of the water, and began to caper about on the river-bank in clumsy imitation of the dancing-girl he'd seen in a tavern once. The ground was squishy with mud under his feet, and it was hard to keep his balance.

    Both elves seemed to be enjoying the sight, but Thurel vowed to himself that if either of them laughed he'd march back up to the Keep, nakedness be damned. There were some things he wouldn't put up with.

    The clapping faded slightly, and Thurel saw the elf-woman had left - hopefully to get his clothes. At the Ambassador's gesture, he danced on, fluttering his fingers, shaking his hips, and generally feeling ridiculous.

    One too-emphatic hip-shake overbalanced him - he flailed urgently, and then fell, landing on his back in the mud and grass. Thurel scrambled to his feet, sulkily, and returned to the water to get the mud off.

    "Here, I'll help." The Ambassador, damn him, seemed intent upon helping rinse the mud from the curls of Thurel's dark-brown, short hair.

    "I'm fine." It wasn't worth pushing him away over, though, so the Captain tolerated it.

    By the time the elf-woman had returned with the clothes, the Ambassador had moved on to 'helping' to wash other areas, and Thurel's efforts in fending him off were growing more resigned.

    "Thank you," he said hastily to the female elf, scrambling out of the water and grabbing his clothes. He dressed in a hurry, not bothering to get dry first, and set off back to the Keep.

    Behind him, he heard giggling, as the two elves switched to entertaining each other instead. Resolutely, he shut it out. Next time, he'd check the elves were in a meeting before he went for a swim.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)03:49 No.13848267
    moar
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)03:50 No.13848274
    >>13847754
    And that is the story of how Captain Thurel invented swimsuits.
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)03:54 No.13848320
    >>13848189

    And the conclusion-story.
    ***

    Negotiator Parnes was beaming. Captain Thurel eyed him with mistrust. Usually, the jowled diplomat only smiled like that at the sight of some new cake.

    "Well?" Thurel asked.

    "Oh, very well indeed, actually." Parnes smoothed his tunic. "The elves have agreed to grant us the right to traverse the wilderness here; we will have an embassy in their city, and they will have an embassy in our capital."

    Thurel sighed in relief. "You're going home, then? Or to the capital?" he asked the Ambassador.

    "Oh, home; I'm going to be the liaison to the human embassy."

    "And I have news for you, Captain," Parnes added. "Your request for another posting has been granted; we'll be settling a border lord here in the Keep instead."
    >> Farseer Miriel !Pr17GXUZvo 02/10/11(Thu)04:01 No.13848382
    >>13848320

    Thurel could have cheered. At last, he'd be away from all this nonsense. And if he was lucky, he'd never see another elf again. "Where am I being sent? The conflicts in the south?"

    "No, nothing of the sort. You, our brave Captain, for your skills in dealing with other cultures, are being given a great reward; you will accompany our chosen ambassador to the city of the elves." Parnes smiled.

    "...What?" Inwardly, he was cursing. He should have known he'd not get any luck out of this.

    "Oh, yes. As a matter of fact, you'll be accompanying Ambassador Celorial there directly, to help set up the embassy before the rest of the group is sent."

    "Splendid news!" the Ambassador exclaimed, with a big grin. "You see? I knew that fate would not part us!"

    Captain Thurel took a long, deep breath to avoid saying anything he might regret.

    "You'll want to set out immediately," Parnes noted.

    "Yes... my lord." Thurel gave a rough salute, and left the room.

    Two days later, they set off. The Ambassador was singing to himself. Thurel was not speaking.

    The Ambassador smiled at him. "You know, you've been a very good sport about your duties. You'll retire a wealthy man; it's the custom at our celebrations to bestow lavish gifts. I'd be very surprised if you couldn't fill your pockets with diamonds within five years."

    He draped an arm around Thurel. "And there are deer-hunts, and armour and swords the likes of which you'll never have carried before. All for you."

    Thurel didn't bother to shift away. "We'll see," was all he said.

    -fin-
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)04:02 No.13848387
    this is stupid
    >> TideHunter !!tIRqEwji7+V 02/10/11(Thu)04:06 No.13848418
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    >>13848387
    >> Jack of Sparks !hj0UB1vZMk 02/10/11(Thu)04:13 No.13848465
    >>13848382
    Kudos for making me all kinds of uncomfortable, but keeping me reading.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)04:21 No.13848505
    >>13837681

    OP's pick is now a portrait of Lilly, the Blackguard's Daughter. Or at least she would be, if her hair was black.

    I really need to get/learn to use photoshop.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)04:24 No.13848524
    >>13837785
    I prefer the interpretation of dwarfs as clean, sober, quiet and slightly Jewish people, who are simply stereotyped as constantly drunk because the first thing most dwarfs do when reaching the big city after working in a mine for most of their life is have a big drink and punch someone.

    Discworld Dwarfs, basically.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)04:34 No.13848573
    Dammit, I want more Thurel and the Ambassador.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)04:55 No.13848698
    >>13848573
    We all do man.

    Also, archive?
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:01 No.13848731
    >>13848698
    If I knew how I would.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:05 No.13848739
    >>13840453
    Dammit, won't let me download the Ardavia fic :V
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:33 No.13848866
    >>13848731
    >>13848698

    Just look up the thread number at the ezmodo archiver
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:35 No.13848874
    >>13848739
    >:V
    kill yourself faggot
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:46 No.13848921
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    >>13848505
    tried during a brainstorming session; one of the non-fail product

    not as nearly cute as op image :c
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)05:46 No.13848922
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    54 KB
    >> teka 02/10/11(Thu)06:50 No.13849231
    >>13848739
    >>13848739
    a gift for you, my friend.
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=ardarvia

    should find all three there, in those threads.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)09:05 No.13849954
         File1297346735.png-(515 KB, 1038x891, L2___Ear_Nibble_by_quixotic_ka(...).png)
    515 KB
    elf ears are best ears
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)14:31 No.13852504
    bampu
    >> Snapshot 1 Boots 02/10/11(Thu)16:37 No.13853685
    ‭ Niva and her husband Simat had run the tavern for a number of years, and travelers were not an uncommon occurrence- even armed ones. The one at the end of the bar puzzled her, however. He was supposedly a man of vows, belonging to a far-off monastic order, but all she saw as an archer, and a quiet one at that. He didn't even abide by strict rules, an ale sat in front of him, slowly being sipped away. So he sat there for a good part of the evening, being quiet and polite and simply... waiting.
    ‭ He got a few jabs about his semi-pointed ears, but he was perfectly willing to trade barbs about his mixed ancestry and that of the townsfolk; though while he was the son of an elf, the fellow next to him was a son of a bitch. It got a round of laughter from the bar-goers and the aggressor smiled. The tete-a-tete lasted for some time, its participants happy to keep their tongues sharpened and the conversation lively. It was some time before anyone asked him why he was... the way he was. He answered simply.
    ‭ "The purpose of a monk is to destroy evil- no more, no less."
    >> Boots 02/10/11(Thu)16:44 No.13853744
    >>13853685
    ‭ Darven was a simple man- he was a highwayman and that was that. Sure, he had to kill a few people for his living, but that was his lot in life, and that was his fate- anyone who told him he had options was a moron. Especially Vezzix, the elder- what, go back to farming? He stared at the sky and planned his next heist route, wondering whether the men were up to it; his eye followed this winged blob off in the distance. On second thought, that looked like a pers-

    ‭ His world turned to fire. The blast consumed Jareth and Lupo, and Dok recoiled briefly before he crumpled into a heap. Darven saw two smoldering husks and one recognizable corpse before he looked up again, and saw the figure descend. He was imperious, masked and goggled and wearing a military uniform. He aimed one device at Darven's skull and touched another at his ear.

    ‭ “Vezzix, this is Aleksandr. I have taken care of your problem.”

    Darven died with as little fanfare as he had lived.
    >> Boots 02/10/11(Thu)16:45 No.13853749
    >>13853744
    Will do more for the rest of this party of adventurers, if there's interest.
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)16:47 No.13853773
    >>13853685
    >>13853744

    I'm lost as to how they relate to the thread, but they seem interesting if arbitrary. Go on...
    >> Boots 02/10/11(Thu)17:01 No.13853892
    >>13853773
    Takes time- party is composed largely of half-elves. Will get to point shortly.

    --

    ‭ Drevat was more curious than the other kids, but as he was becoming a teenager, his interest in the warrior was more than simple wanderlust. She was haunting- he could see only her soft green eyes and a lock of auburn hair from under her helmet, but he was sure she was a woman. Encased in a combination of hard leather and steel, the plates of her armor slid against one another as she swung the double sword end over end. She practiced endlessly, whirling blades of death, chopping down her wooden practice targets with ease- even her fist was able to splinter one, sending its pieces scattering in every direction. It was not force of personality that drew him; he had seen her go from zero to bitch in six seconds.

    ‭ But he nonetheless drawn to her, and followed until nightfall. Through a crack in the wall, he watched her unclasp her armor piece by piece. Her pauldrons, her gauntlets, greaves, and chest plating. When he finally got a look at her face, she was beautiful. Fine features, calm eyes, and ears not-quite-as-pointed-as-an-elf's. Not slim or dainty like a princess, but lean and athletic in beauty like a wolf or wildcat. Her limbs seemed as if made from iron and her movements from lightning. Drevat gasped as she made eye contact.

    ‭ With impossible speed, she was up at the wall and punched straight through it, grabbing him by his shirt.

    ‭ "Girls don't like a peeping tom. Stop it."
    >> Boots 02/10/11(Thu)17:17 No.13854061
    >>13853892

    ‭ Bark was gray and grizzled, and wore it with pride. As a dwarf he was a proud scion of his hearty heritage and as a Hellknight he was a force of law among chaos- moreover, it broadened his license to fight from mere evil to chaos in many forms. He was always looking for a good fight. The dwarf sharpened his axe and listened to the elder shout at the wizard. Aleksei, using excessive force? Bark couldn't dream of such a thing! The dwarf chuckled, and slung the weapon over his back. Traveling with manlings was bad enough, but these bastardized elves- literally, in fact- he pitied. The human was frail- the one or two time he had been hit it had been incapacitating- but the elves were... elves. Halfway or not, they had pointy ears, delicate senses, and just couldn't take a hit like a dwarf. He headed for the tavern.

    ‭ The alchemist and wizard joined him, discussing between themselves various explosive compounds, and when night had fallen, the lights within that tavern we warm and welcoming. It bustled with conversation, and one man was keen to heckle the travelers

    ‭ "Knife-eared hippies, all of ya," he slurred. "C'mon, prrrrrove meh wrong."

    ‭ The dwarf stepped up behind him. "Yeah, prove him wrong."

    ‭ The wizard quietly slipped the drunk a piece of paper and sat at the far end of the bar. The drunk shouldered the dwarf away, and read what he assumed was an elven insult.

    ‭ "Too luh-monde rey-swah un coo duh pwong libra."

    He then found out what it was like to have three people slap him at once.
    >> Boots 02/10/11(Thu)17:21 No.13854112
    >>13854061
    ("Tout le monde reçoit un coup de poing libre.")
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)17:28 No.13854183
    >>13854061
    so, who in this scenario speaks french?
    >> Anonymous 02/10/11(Thu)17:43 No.13854350
    >>13854183
    Internet translation:Everyone receives a blow of free fist.
    I assume it means "Everyone gets a free punch" or something to that effect.
    >> AGE AGE 02/10/11(Thu)20:14 No.13855983
    Bump for great justice! These stories a very great!



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